#by which I mean she will present you the most unhealthy relationships possible and the only rational response one can have is

[paradoxcase]

This poll has probably been done before, but I need to know how unpopular my opinions are

Excluded from this poll:

Perfectly (or at least mostly) fine and normal relationships, like Magnus/Abigail, Palamedes/Camilla/Dulcinea, or Nona and almost everyone she ever met

Probably/possibly toxic relationships that we don't really get a lot of details about, like whatever Alfred and Cristabel had going on, or Wake grooming Pash to be a child soldier

John and Harrow probably deserves to be on this list, but I ran out of options. Sorry

Please reblog for an increased sample size!

[yanderes-galore]

Hii! May i request concept for Ayaka (genshin impact)?

I'll see what I can do ^^ I hope I got her character right, she's just such a pure character to yandere from what I've seen. Here it is, sorry it took literal months.

I used this video to help me understand her a little better.

Yandere! Ayaka Kamisato Concept

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Unhealthy attachment, Vague clingy behavior, Oblivious obsession, Manipulation, Delusional behavior, Dubious companionship, Kidnapping vaguely mentioned.

Ayaka has potential to be a yandere but not a very intense one.

Like a lot of the yanderes I write, she is more of a manipulative yandere than someone who would kill.

Ayaka is a lonely character who has to keep up appearances for the duty of her clan.

Her only friend was Thoma until she met the Traveler, then you.

She is a really soft and caring character.

She's even described as having a heart as pure as clear ice. (something along the lines of that.)

Ayaka's Obsessive, Somewhat clingy, Manipulative, Caring, and Protective.

What Ayaka is looking for in a darling is a friend for the most part.

Anything after that is secondary.

Ayaka has trouble making friends.

Her duties prevent her from having much free time, which means she isn't able to talk to others much.

Again, she only ever has time to communicate with Thoma and Traveler.

Her obsession growth could be considered to be in the middle.

She's hesitant to become friends with you as she's worried she won't have time to talk to you.

Something encourages her to try... more like someone, Thoma feels she should open up to others more.

Ayaka is normal around you for the most part.

You often talk about how your days are going at teahouse over a cup of your favorite flavor.

Ayaka doesn't think of her connection with you as that bad when she meets you the first few times.

Each casual chat you share is enough to soothe her and eases her stress throughout the day.

It starts so subtle until Thoma comments on the fact she's so at ease ever since she's begun talking to you.

Ayaka never thought about this...

You really do make her feel better compared to her other two friends.

You must really be special to her.

Ayaka's yandere intentions don't fully form until she really solidifies you as her friend.

She is not a yandere who immediately jumps to romantic intentions towards her darling.

She starts with friendship... and then slowly realizes the friendship may be something more than she expected.

Ayaka is someone who presents herself as put together.

She's held in high regard, despite the reality being that she feels like a trapped bird at times.

Ayaka acts on her obsession in a subtle matter.

She acts like a great friend to have.

You almost pity her when she finally opens up to you about her life behind closed doors.

But you soon learn that isn't the only issue.

Ayaka can be obsessive in her obsession.

She's a perfectionist and is a yandere who wants things to be perfect for the friendship and possible blooming relationship between her and her darling.

With you... she's never felt happier.

Work hasn't entirely felt like work when she knows she can call you over during whatever free time she manages fo scrape together.

The issue she's frequently dealing with is the lack of free time.

Ayaka can become clingy due to her lack of free time.

When you do visit it's like the sessions get longer and longer.

There's more tea to drink and Ayaka suggests new things to do, you can't blame her despite how odd it is.

She doesn't have much free time...

You just assume this is a result of that.

This theory isn't entirely wrong.

She does get more and more desperate to spend time with you.

She still thinks this is entirely innocent.

Friends have this need to be around each other all the time, surely...

Even though she's never had any feeling like this with Thoma or Traveler.

Ayaka is charismatic, not as much as most, but she's picked up the skill.

She has a way with words when she talks to you and somehow manages to convince you to stay a little longer.

She always seems so friendly when she asks.

Ayaka may not know her intentions are darker than she thinks until later.

Keep in mind that friendship is still a bit new as she's usually busy all the time.

Ayaka may slowly manipulate you into spending most of your time in the teahouse.

Once she realizes she may not just be feeling friendship towards you, her intentions are darker.

How do you know she isn't just manipulating you into staying at the teahouse while she works?

Despite these malicious intentions, Ayaka is still caring.

She listens to your problems and complaints all while planning a way to help solve your issues.

Unless your problems come from her obsession, in that case she tries her best but is hesitant in backing away from you.

Ayaka can be protective but it does not come from paranoia.

She's protective in the sense that she wants to keep her friend safe and happy.

Her obsession is already evident when she only sees her darling as a friend.

When/If Ayaka begins to consider her darling in a romantic light, her obsession is mostly the same.

Although she becomes softer when she talks.

She looks at you with a certain light in her eyes like she wants to say something... but isn't sure when to say it.

Her 'kidnapping' is not very forceful.

Ayaka is more likely to coax you into staying beside her willingly.

Her appearance and personality is enough to lull you into a false sense of security.

She may get some help from Thoma, too.

By the time you suspect the head of the Kamisato clan...

You're a caged bird just like she felt, an unintentional projection of her feelings.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

Hi you don't have to answer this of course but are there any fantasies Majexatli had that their partners fulfill? Is there anything they would like from their partners but not ask for and why if so

There’s a couple fantasies that Majexatli has, some of which they do get fulfilled during the game.

One is just bottoming. As things start out, they tend to top, though they aren’t always in charge doing so. And while they don’t mind it and enjoy it throuroughly, and even avoid the topic, as things go on they do start to wonder and fantasize about actually being on the receiving end.

And that fantasy kind of goes hand in hand with their fantasy of taking on a more submissive role and exploring more kink. Though they do explore being submissive a bit, mainly early in game with Lae’zel, and I also do imagine at the goblin camp they find Abdirak again after receiving Loviatar’s blessing and ask for more…

But I don’t think it’s really until Act 3 that they fully get to bottom and explore being more submissive.

Part of that is from the fact that They Just Have So Many Emotional Walls. Another part is the fact that for the most part, their only real previous sexual relationship was with Althyran and that was a deeply unhealthy one. and from that relationship they took away that their role should be pleasing the other person, and that their pleasure didn’t matter.

And you know, the combo of emotional walls and trauma means it takes them some time before they can voice their fantasies, let alone feel comfortable and safe enough to let go.

In act 3 though, they do bottom during their night with Halsin, actually. Which is a kind of first, as they’ve technically bottomed before, but they hadn’t bottomed while having a cock. (As part of their gender, they magically change their anatomy as they see fit. They’re a bit partial to having a cock, but their only previous experience bottoming is with a vagina).

And I imagine Halsin is a good choice for partners in their exploration of what they like, enough so for Majexatli to bring up that they would like to try being on the receiving end. Halsin is more than happy to give them the best night of their life and as much pleasure as possible for the best first time.

They also bottom after their date with Karlach in the city (which also means Karlach got to take charge, which is something she wanted to do for a change). Their previous night together in Act 2, Majexatli took their usual role of focusing on Karlach’s pleasure, which Karlach enjoyed, but Karlach both in and out of the bedroom does wish Majexatli let her take care of them more. So their night after the date is part of that.

I also have imagined up that sometime early in Act 3 in Rivington perhaps that Astarion and Majexatli have a wild hook up when they both end up going hunting at the same time not realizing the other is also out there, and Astarion tries to feed off them thinking they’re an animal and they briefly fight until Majexatli drops wildshape and they’re both full of adrenaline and have animal blood still in their mouth they fuck nasty right then and there. (And they both realize in this wild moment that they’re the most present they’ve ever been together)

I haven’t gotten to a lot of the Act 3 during the current Majexatli iteration, so I still have more things I’m looking to consider with their relationships. (I still am thinking about what Wyll and Majexatli’s first night together is like)

I do imagine though outside of the canon scenes, that Majexatli does spend nights with all the companions they’re dating. Including some threesomes/foursomes/etc

Aside from bottoming and being more submissive, the one thing that they’re quite nervous to bring up to their partners is more BDSM stuff. Some time with Lae’zel definitely opened their eyes to what they can enjoy, and Abdirak specifically opened their eyes to the fact that they enjoy a little pain and also praise.

The fantasy that they’re too shy to admit is that they’d really love to get lashed and maybe have some waxplay and just get praised nonstop at how good they’re being and how beautiful they are and how well they take it all until they can’t take it anymore and they earn a reward of any number of their partners pleasuring them until they’re overstimulated.

[quarble]

Long post is long, and is about sexual identity and shit.

I have had deep, intense, all-encompassing crushes on two women in my life (and attraction to a bunch of others). I have identified as bisexual since high school because of the first of them, who I loved with the sort of pathetic, unrequited adoration you can only have at 17. She later transitioned, and I think he lives in California now and doesn’t do social media.. I never told him how I felt, though now that I’ve read so many steddie fics it’s possible he actually maybe liked me back and tried to tell me with a series of the most 90’s queer mixtapes ever, and my tiny, insecure ADHD brain totally missed it.

I haven’t seen him since before his transition, but I would still come running if he called.

(I mean, not really. It’s somewhat complicated by the husband and kid thing. But I can dream?)

The second one was from my late 20s. She came to my wedding. We lived in each others pockets. We had a terribly unhealthy codependent relationship that ended when she left the city because the other woman who she actually had a crush on did not reciprocate her feelings, which prompted me to shoot my shot before she moved. She did not feel the same way about me, and off she went. This was all complicated by love triangle/I was married/shit was crazy. She came back to visit a couple of times, but I was irritated and a bad friend about everything because things were weird. But that’s not the point.

Today I got an official change of name and pronouns from them. In the mail! Like a baby announcement, except with a FAQ and some very dapper pictures. They came out as non-binary in the most professional way possible, and I’m very proud of them (from across the country).

Not that anyone’s transition or gender identity is about me, but the fact that the greatest loves of my life (aside from the dude I married of course) have both moved from female presenting to male (or both/either) has made me realize that I probably identify as pan more than bi at this point. It’s taken me a hot minute to get comfortable with this, since being bi was such a huge part of my (mostly internal) identity since I was 15, and I really defined myself with the love and attraction and pining I felt for my high school crush, who it turns out was not a girl after all. But here I am. An almost 40 year old suburban mom in a straight relationship, becoming more queer by the goddamn day.

Wtf.

[hylaversicolor]

37, 38, 69, and 80 ! :>

ty for your ask !

37. when creating characters, what comes first: appearance, backstory, motivation, personality, something else?

my way back og characters (more on them later) were appearance and backstory based at first. now i tend to go with motivation and personality.

38. how many stories do you work on at one time?

actively? one. i have a few ongoing projects in the background though. stares forlornly at the 1.5 chapters of my webcomic, thinking about how we're only on the prologue

69. how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

i mean on some level, yes. when i’m actually writing the scene though i’m not like. acutely feeling the emotions, more like i’m eavesdropping on them as they go thru their thing. a lot of moments in my stories are based on things i’ve either felt or done or both. i have had a VERY similar experience to ocelot in sunday kind of love, for example. SIGH

80. do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morals, etc in your writing? if so, how do you go about it?

for longer stories, absolutely i put themes and motifs. i’m not really interested in putting “””morals””” in my stories though, i think morals are more for the reader to glean from the themes and motifs, and you can take whatever you want from what is in there, it’s not my business lol. the moral of western pleasure could be anything from “doing drugs is bad” to “don’t kill your business partner” to “stick by the person who understands you even if the relationship is unhealthy codependent and doomed” <- wouldn’t recommend this btw.

but as for themes and motifs in western pleasure…there’s a lot. i really wanted to have this idea of female rage and kaz feeling like she’s at her most powerful and feminine when she’s angry. you can see this in kaz and in kitty too, who is really there to be a foil to kaz, i actually think my original character note for her was something like “need a lady for kaz to develop off of.”

also this one is more basic, but i wanted to make the connection between diamonds and stars in the fic, and then between kaz and diamonds, so at the beginning there are snowflakes that resemble stars but everything is hazy, showing that kaz isn’t ready to confront Gender yet, and then as the fic progresses there are a few more scattered references to stars, kaz describes herself as The diamond dog and has a few other connections to diamonds. then in the very last scene, when kaz has officially come out and has accepted wanting to be a woman, the stars are out. (but they might not stay out, implying that this might not have a happy ending.) so it’s something that you can see in the actual text of the story but i also wanted to show it thru symbolism because i like making things as complicated as possible lol.

and then there’s the title of the fic itself, which (i think) is a fun little pun with a few different layers to it. kaz and ocelot both have a somewhat fraught relationship to The West, because it is something that they both aspire towards but are sort of repulsed by at the same time. for kaz this is because she’s neither japanese nor american and rejects the idea of nations; ocelot because he doesn’t really belong anywhere but still chases the aesthetics of the idyllic western cowboy. we also have “””pleasure””” because of drugs, and schemes, and money and whatnot. and also “”western pleasure”” as a whole because of the notion of a horse moving in a very unnatural way to provide comfort to the rider, not necessarily because that’s its natural gait but because it has been trained that way, and what that might mean in the context of a hetero and cisnormative society. and also ocelot’s past and his connection to the boss and how he might carry that relationship with him into the present wrt horses. <- this explanation is a hot mess

[purplesurveys]

1790

Is there a gang problem in your area? Not that I know of. If there were any it would be super underground.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn't busy? No. The extent to which you could customize your drinks at that place scares and overwhelms me, lmao. I've always just gotten whatever's on the menu.

Do you consider airports to be emotional places? Yes, I've always held a quiet resentment towards airports because sending off my dad, who works abroad, has been a regular occurence in my life since I was 2. I've never felt nice in them, even when I'm already the one traveling, because the bitter goodbyes are all I remember.

Where do you need to be? Nooooooooooofuckingwhere. I'm happy to be home and holed up in my room. I've been out all week for Christmas parties and errands.

Would you date an already attached person? No.

When you marry, will you wear white? Yeah, assuming that happens to me.

What vaccine that you've received hurt the most? All injections hurt the same to me – it's the side effects that vary. So far the Covid vaccines and boosters have sucked the most.

Do you ever feel like you're being watched? I mean sure, but it's never been like a stalker-type situation. It's fairly easy to find myself in situations where I'm watched, like when I'm presenting a Powerpoint to a whole room.

What will it take to make or break this day for you? My day's already made because I got a box of macarons from a frequent work supplier today. As far as break, idk. There's loads of bad news I could possibly get.

Would you give up a dream for someone you loved? I was willing to in the past, and looking deep down I don't think that has changed. I love deeply. I can always find ways to make the most out of life, and I think the only time I would back out is if our values or directions in life are entirely different and stand no chance of being reconciled in any shape or form whatsoever.

Could you date someone who's only been your friend for a long time? I did. Prior friendships are what I prefer in relationships too.

Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I've only ever been in a monogamous relationship. It's what I prefer as a setup, but generally I don't date anymore.

Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? It's not that I'm afraid. I'm just not interested.

Do you think it's better to look for love or let it find you? I let things happen naturally.

Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment? Never been a problem for me.

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Preferably not but if I'm really into the person, I think it's something I'm willing to try. I'm nowhere near ready to be a stepmom, but no one ever really is.

Have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up? Yeah. I think that's part of the role of breakups...

Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than three months of no communication? Nopes, it was more the opposite for me. I kept in touch for the next three months thinking things had a chance of changing, then realized how unhealthy it was for me so I promptly cut off all lines of communication with them when the new year rolled in.

Do you or would you ever wear fake eyelashes? I did just once, realized how much I hated being made up like that, removed them before the event was even over, and never wore them again.

Do you think that smaller breeds of dogs are cuter than big ones? I like all dogs but I will say I like bigger dogs a teeny weeny bit more.

When was the last time you slept in a tent? Two years ago.

What brand of make-up do you prefer to use? I don't follow makeup brands.

Do you have any siblings and if so, what're they like? Nina is very independent, naturally defensive (almost to a fault), but also sensitive. We all kind of tiptoe around her since she can cry about anything. She's incredibly artistic and resourceful and is reliable in many situations. I don't know much about my brother apart from him liking K-pop girl groups and having a sharp memory. He doesn't show much of a personality beyond those two things.

What was the last television show that you sat and watched multiple episodes of? Gyeongsong Creature.

Is there anything significant happening this month? It's Bea's last working day on the 31st and after that I'll be pretty much left to my own devices with an entire team to run.

When was the last time you plucked your eyebrows? I don't do that.

Do you have any chronic pain? No.

When was the last time you had a Poptart? Either a year or two ago. Can't remember. I don't have them often.

Do you like hot chocolate? Not in general. There's only one variant of hot chocolate I'd get on the regular, and that's a local restaurant's San Gines hot chocolate.

Who is your best guy friend? Hans, if any.

What’s your favorite Michael Jackson song? Either Smooth Criminal or Bad.

Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans from? I don't even remember. I've had it for so long as my fave and I refuse to throw it out hahaha. Maybe at an ukay?

When was the last time you got your hair done professionally? A couple of months ago when I got another dye job.

Do you like TGI Fridays? I think it's extremely overpriced and that automatically makes me not a fan. Why pay triple the price for a plate of wings?

Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? Nope, I just shave them.

Have you ever read anything by Edgar Allen Poe? I don't think I have.

When was the last time it rained where you live? Last night the rain was pretty strong! I think we have a typhoon.

Do you like horses? They're okay, but I'm not attached to them like some people would be.

What are your grandfathers’ names? I'll only share their nicknames, which are Jun and Boy.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Yes. I've held one.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? Only by association, but my sister's boss from when she was interning.

[gideonslut]

the locked tomb series is what happens when you give toxic lesbians a publishing deal, and personally I believe it needs to happen more

[pineapplemcclean]

i barely use tumblr so im not sure how to use it but i hope this reaches the right audience

this is a post on why I think Mileven is unhealthy/toxic that probably no one is going to see 💀

Anyways I apologize in advance if this has any spelling or grammatical mistakes I'm not going to read all of this when I finish it I'll just post it right away

First off Mike doesn’t know/love El as a person. During his monologue he never mentioned a single personality trait. Nothing about El as a person. And not a single favorite memory- like for example his monologue to Will in s2 where he talks about how they met on the swings. In his monologue he says something along the lines of “I’ve loved you ever since I saw you” that, however, is a lie- he wanted to send her back wherever she came from until he found out she knew something about Will. And when he says “I love you” the vines tighten around her neck. I’m not sure exactly why yet but I have a theory I will delve into later on. “You can fly, you can move mountains” here Mike is appreciating El the Superhero again. Not El as a person. Mike talking about El's powers isn’t romantic. its here that I bring up Millie’s interview about her favorite scene. https://youtu.be/wAMjtRvRQIY

“Mike isn’t loving El like she wants him to” and “Does he truly love her or is she still the superwoman in his mind?” Which implies that Mike has only ever shown love towards El the Superhero. We don't really know if he loves El as a person BUT he called her a superhero during his monologue so….. Mike says he’s never been scared of El before- another lie. For example, when El threw Lucas in s1 using her powers, he was scared of her. Which is completely reasonable, but lying about it in his “love confession”… When he says he’s scared El isn't going to need him anymore he doesn't stutter and his voice is steady (unlike with the rest of his monologue) which means he isn't lying- because Mike and El truly are codependent on each other. And what happens after the monologue? We see El ignoring the topic of their relationship which most Mileven shippers think is simple- they think that now El knows that Mike truly loves her blah blah blah and that she isn't talking to him bc of Max. However, El talked to Mike about Brenner which is a heavy topic for her but she couldn't address the topic of their relationship? which should be obvious? They're going to have a big talk in s5 and its going to be very emotional- possibly a breakup and a talk about their feelings (about time)

Someone also pointed out that this scene contrasts with Max’s whole Vecna moment, because the memories that help Max escape are the memories that visually appear to us, during this scene, the only time we see a memory put to the words that Mike says is the “you were wearing a yellow t shirt in the woods” kind of thing, it gives her a push before the vines tighten more, I believe that this is because everything else that Mike is saying, she can’t put a memory to it, he’s basically just rambling ? nonsense…? her facial expressions, it’s almost as if she’s searching for any like PROOF or memories to go with his words.

To finish the first reason, we genuinely have never seen Mike appreciate El as a person, not just in his monologue but at any point.

Second I want to talk about the “Mike can't express his love bc of his parents” Yet Nancy can? Let me just talk about Stancy/Jancy a bit here and how they're paralleled to Byler Stancy was a toxic relationship because both Steve and Nancy pretended to be people they aren't. After the break up we see both of them get character development. Nancy also started acting like a jerk which is a parallel to how Mike starts treating his friends like shit in s3 while dating El. Mike pretends to be more mature around El. He stops playing d&d and all...and when the Byers move to Cali we see him joining a d&d club. Also, at the end of s3 he apologizes to El for being excited about presents. In s4 we see El lying to Mike about having friends and going to parties, so she can be seen as cool to him. They are both pretending to be someone they aren't. Nancy couldn't say "I love you" to Steve just like Mike couldn't say it to El. And back to the main point “Mike cant express his love bc of his parents” but when its Nancy its bc she loves Jonathan? And actually, Mike having parents who are in a loveless relationship is actually more proof that Mileven is loveless because loveless relationships are something Mike is familiar with so its easier for him to yk be in a loveless relationship. Same goes for El who is used to people appreciating her for her powers only because of the lab.

Something that's kind of similar to what I'm talking about, an example- if you've seen the IT movies then you know Bev and Eddie basically married their parents because bc of their trauma with them (not that Mike's parents' relationship is like traumatic but it obviously affected him)

Nancy has the same parents but why can she say ily to Jonathan without someone telling her to and why can she talk about his personality but Mike can't??

its because Mike doesn't love El and the "from, Mike" is proof enough. because he obviously wrote "from" subconsciously meaning he never thought of writing "I love you" to someone who apparently means the world to him and he loves very much. I mean, it might've not been subconsciously but El's point was good "you cant even write it" because you can easily fake something while writing it I think that's all for reason number 2 (on and also Jancy and Byler have parallels- talking while sitting on a car; Nancy/Mike and Jonathan/Will talking and Nancy/Mike glances at Jonathan's/Will's lips reason number 3 I don't think El is ready for a relationship a controversial take but let me explain "you say El isn't ready for a relationship but then go ahead and ship her with Max" I ship her w/ Max bc she'd treat El better but I don't think it should happen (or that it will) because El has unresolved trauma from the lab and Mike triggered her "what did you do?!". My point is not that you shouldn't ship Mileven, its that I think they shouldn't be canon. "Will is also traumatized" Will's trauma is different and he had more people help him cope with it. El was introduced to so many new things like friendship, love, school, etc. and reason number 5 is that Mike makes El feel like a monster, even if its not on purpose. Even if they love each other they don't make each other feel loved. I think that's all but I'd like to add a bit of a s4 Mileven analysis (with some Byler in it)

In the beginning we see Mike reading El's letter and we're shown how El is doing- we notice that she's lying to him about everyone being nice and about her grades. She ends her letter with "Love, El" when Mike finishes reading her letter he crumbles it, despite being a sentimental type of person- he has (had?) Will's art hung up in the basement.

When he arrives in Cali he looks ugly (sorry i just needed to express my opinion on his outfit) he looks very excited to meet El but when he gets to Will, his childhood best friend, he becomes very... weird. he bumps him on the shoulder instead of hugging him back. this is why the line "Will is acting weird" El wrote to Mike is so important- bc even though Will is the one who loves Mike, he's been acting normal. and everyone is saying its because Mike doesn't want to be friends with Will anymore- yet later on Mike apologized for his behavior and him and Will have been glued to the hip since. so its def not bc he doesn't want to be friends with Will...suspicious Anyways on to the rink-o-mania scene we see Mike and El being happy yk just your usual couple hanging out. However, as it zooms into Will's face we realize the scene is from his pov. And Will is actually an unreliable narrator, meaning this scene might not be as happy as it looks. (someone said that Will was confirmed to be an unreliable narrator but since no one provided a video or article I'm going to prove it in a bit) When Angela enters we see Mike and El skating from her pov but not looking as happy- in fact they look...bored? meaning that they aren't actually happy in the skate ring scene. And about Will being an unreliable narrator: in his pov Mike is ignoring him entirely. However later on Mike confronts Will about how he's been acting meaning Mike was actually paying attention to Will. Anyways you know how the rest of the skate ring scene unfolds. As I already mentioned, Mike makes El unintentionally feel like a monster (and in my opinion he was scared of her here) and he's paralleled to Brenner (which will become a bit important later on). An important thing to note here is that in season 1 El broke Troy's arm. Troy is Will and Mike's bully. He didn't show the same reaction then as he did in the skate ring scene. He was happy/pleased but in the skate ring scene he's angry/scared. ONWARDS the dinner where Mike makes El feel like shit yet again. "She didn't look fine" Jesus Michael that's your gf, why are you being annoying The next day Mike goes to apologize to El who then points out the "From, Mike" and how he was scared of her. The whole argument is about Mike only showing love towards El the Superhero (as MBB said in the interview I mentioned earlier on) and it's important to know he calls her superhero during their fight. Which just makes El feel worse. another important detail is that he blames this whole thing on the "mouth breathers" when Mike is the problem - he's pushing the blame away from himself again (same as in s3 when he asks what he did wrong when he literally lied to El. Meanwhile in both of his apologies with Will he fully takes the blame, saying how he was acting like a jerk. And Mike always knows what to say to Will, but with El he needs someone to motivate him or tell him what to say - Will's speech to him in s4 and Lucas dragging Mike to the mall in s3, meanwhile Mike dragged Lucas over to Will's). El feels like Mike doesn't love her anymore because she lost her powers/she isn't a superhero anymore. wattpad time skip to El's note:

"Dear, Mike I have gone to become a superhero again. From, El" 1. "I have gone to become a superhero again" is in a way saying she's gone to become someone he can love again. 2. "From, El" this screams breakup to me, idk about you guys. And Mike said this fight seemed more adult compared to the rest of the fights they've had (the s3 breakup included, which could possibly mean that this is a serious breakup). He also said it's "a fight you can't come back from". And imo Mike knew El was breaking up with him by the way he was staring at the note. And the word "adult" that Mike used, I think it's important because Caleb says they have a teenage relationship dynamic. teenage relationship. adult fight.

another reason why I think they had an implied breakup is this parallel: Vickie: "I am rambling about my dumb boyfriend when there are people out there suffering" talking about her breakup to Robin. Mike: "No, i..it's stupid, given everything that's going on" Talking about his fight with El to Will.

fast forward to the van scene

If you take Mike from a surface level standpoint some of his scenes flat out don't make sense. For instance, in episode 5, Mike and Will have their heart to heart. Mike says he regrets not being able to say what he wanted to El and that maybe things would be different if he had. Then Will talks about how scary it is to open up to people you care about because they might not like the truth. And Mike agrees. So let's say Mike is surface level. And he's only talking about El in this context. The truth Mike would be talking about in this scenario would be telling her that he loved her back in ep 3- But that doesn't make sense?? El was practically begging Mike to prove that he loved her back in the first few episodes. So in what universe would El not like that truth? Why would Mike think that El wouldn't want to hear that he loved her? And if Mike truly meant everything he said during the finale, why would he not tell her what she wanted to hear back in episode 3? If you love someone and you don't want to lose them, you'd want to get your feelings across and make her feel validated. Even if he can't say it, he could prove it through his actions. Hug her. Kiss her. Hold her hand. Anything to showcase that he loves her. But he doesn't do that. And then when the moment in the finale comes around, he starts contradicting himself. His actions just stop making any semblance of sense when you try looking at it that way. In fact, the script of the van scene released recently. Noah said they filmed it all day. But when he saw the scene play out, he noticed that it was edited to be more subtle in certain areas. Now, there are two important lines that are removed from the final product. One is Will talking about "El" and saying how losing Mike hurts too much. I'm supposing they were just trying to make Will's feelings more subtle here. But the second line removed is from Mike who says that the last time he looked in El's eyes, he saw that she didn't need him/love him anymore. Now, if they were trying to keep Will's feelings a secret, making it more subtle in that area might make sense. But them choosing to remove Mike's line and make him more subtle as a character doesn't make sense unless there's a deeper truth about Mike that they're intentionally keeping hidden from a lot of the audience. That Mike knows El isn't interested in him anymore and that maybe, S5 will have El break up with him again.

then the reunion

Mike and El...don't kiss. Even though they both almost died. Now, we all know El got character development concerning her lab trauma- she disobeys Brenner because she is more than just a girl with powers, she is a human being but he treated her like a monster. this is why I think the fact that Mike is paralleled to Brenner is so important- because he also appreciated her only for her powers. I think they didn't kiss then and there because El realized she won't be happy in the relationship if Mike only appreciates her for her powers.

And the reason why the vines tighten around El's neck when Mike says "I love you" is because she knows he can only say it because she got her powers back. that's my theory at least. Oh Jesus this is- a lot. I really hope I didn't miss anything. Bonus fact: Mike and El being referred to as Romeo and Juliet isn't romantic- Romeo and Juliet are star-crossed lovers doomed to fail. and Romeo actually loved Juliet's sister Rosaline.

also im going to tag this as byler so there's a smaller chance of milevens coming after me

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[retvenkos]

okay so i didn't explain this very well; i don't dislike penelope as a complex character because her complexities provide room for the possibility of growth into a better person that, i think, is rare to find shown well in media. that being said, i'm not sure bridgerton could do that or even would. i despise penelope's current characteristics because it's shown over and over again that, even unconsciously, she has tied everyone's happiness to herself. She has shown that she does not want them to be happy unless it is with/because of her. like you said, the situation with colin and marina in season 1 could have been solved by penelope talking to colin first but she didn't even try!! (from what I remember at least) and with eloise, a lot of her argument is that she ruined eloise's reputation for eloise. she's like 'yes i hurt you but i did it for you, i helped you you should be thanking me why are you angry i was trying to help'. also, i'm glad you said it but i also do not ship polin at all, in part because if they got together it would only reinforce penelope's bad characteristics (her happiness is more important, others' happiness is tied to when she's happy and what she wants...) and i think that is a terrible message for any media to send to an audience. maybe it's the part of me that's analyzed the psychology of media for school, but there are enough unhealthy relationships on tv,,, if polin ends up together without penelope growing into a better person before they get together, the message people watch are going to receive is that it's okay to be penelope because they'll end up with what they want in the end. idk

so sorry i dipped after answering your asks and only got this now! i had to go to a work meeting, lol.

i totally get what you mean about bridgerton being a show that probably Can't and Won't show the complexities of character growth that we both think penelope needs. we are so true (bestie) in our thoughts about penelope, and we're so valid in not liking a character archetype! (i'm also very glad i'm not alone in my thoughts and think you're so neat for sharing them off anon <3)

and yes!!!!!!!!! you are not overanalyzing the messages in media because that is SUCH an important flaw of media and (presumably) bridgertons future!!!!!!! we really need to cut out the romanization of toxic romance tropes in media that doesn't want to critique it. trust me, we don't need a new representation of it, we have enough. i feel like (especially today with the amount of time young kids and impressionable young-adults spend consuming media) there has to be some level of responsibility attached to what you create. of course, that's dangerous territory because censoring is Bad but also,,,,,,, Media is Modeling. most people base their relationships off of those they see on tv. shows (even those that are a loose historical fantasy) model behaviors and desirable qualities to their audiences and i think that unless we want to look at that critically or deconstruct it (especially when it comes to things like romance that shape us so profoundly) we should be careful with what we present to audiences. and we don't need a toxic polin!!!!! unless penelope goes through some major growth, i don't want to it.

i feel like that's also a uhh.... problem with anthony's character from season to season. season 1 anthony had a certified Lot of Problems that would make him a bad love interest. going into season 2, there's so many ways in which he's a Changed Character. the show runners made a choice that made season 2 better, but imo, it cheapens season 1 anthony because we never got to see that growth??? they just did some major construction on anthony's character in the interim of season 1 and 2 but i want to know how anthony (the character) got there!!!!! i don't want a reboot, i want growth!!!!! idk. i just.... will be very sad if penelope is introduced in the polin season as a completely different character. it makes the viewing experience nice, but it does nothing to sell an arc or create any kind of deeper moral or meaning about why people should make these changes, and how that is difficult. idk idk.

[firelxdykatara]

ppl love to forget that katara: 1. has her own taste, 2. developed around aang, he needed her for his development and vice versa, 3. ZUTARA IS SHIP BETWEEN AN OPPRESOR X OPPRESSED!!! Ignoring all of the development they had with their respective partners and the trauma Zuko caused Katara!!

In the infamous words of one Luke Skywalker: amazing. every word of what you just said was wrong.

It’s actually kind of ironic that you bring up Katara’s taste, since, throughout the show, we have examples of the guys she likes, to greater or lesser extents in canon--Jet (explicit romantic feelings on her part, word of god that jet was her first kiss--a kiss that would have been consensual, incidentally, something you should keep in mind for later) and Haru (she denies the crush, but that could just as easily have been because of the abomination he’d been growing on his lip rather than denying those feelings ever existed), both of whom have much more in common (in terms of both emotional and physical maturity, and physical appearance) with Zuko than either of them has with Aang.

Zuko’s book 3 hairstyle is almost exactly reminiscent of Jet’s, even, if not quite as floofy.

(This is probably in part because of Jet’s function as a foil of Zuko within the narrative, particularly given their book 2 encounters, which I think just further solidifies my point that, were it not for extenuating circumstances [like the fact that Zuko was introduced as an enemy and they had significant obstacles to hurdle before they could be friends], Zuko would have been exactly Katara’s type. Had they met under different circumstances, she could have been the girl he went on a date with in Ba Sing Se. Just something to think about.)

So, yes, we’ve established that Katara has her own taste. Her tastes seem to be boys with great hair who are taller than her, the same age or older, and of a similar maturity level.

Aang falls short (heh, short) on all counts. So it isn’t Katara’s taste in boys that led her to be interested in him. Hm!

Next, you claim that Katara ‘developed around Aang’--that she was necessary for his development, and that he was necessary for hers.

Let’s take a moment to examine that, shall we?

I will absolutely grant you that Katara was necessary for Aang’s development--only to a point, of course, but we’ll get to that later--but was he really necessary for Katara‘s growth? I suppose I could grant you this on a generous technicality--he did, after all, provide her with the means to finally leave the South Pole and find a waterbending master to teach her (although she wound up largely self-taught anyway). But that had nothing to do with his relationship to Katara and everything to do with the structure of the plot--Katara and Sokka find Aang (and he never would have gotten out of that iceberg without Katara’s own righteous anger, so even that leads back to her own power), and then they go on a quest to find teachers for the Chosen One and save the world.

The story could not have begun without first finding Aang and then providing means for the other main characters to travel with him (or, in Zuko’s case, chase him), but this has nothing at all to do with Aang’s relationship to Katara. Aang was not a mover in Katara’s developmental arc--if anything, he acted as an obstacle more often than not, his actions ranging from innocent but obnoxious (playing and flirting with girls rather than helping with chores like picking up vital supplies, leaving Katara to do all of the quite literal heavy lifting and keeping her stuck in the role of caretaker that she’d been thrust into following the death of her mother), to deliberate and harmful (hiding the map to Katara and Sokka’s father, a truly selfish action, regardless of his lack of malicious intent, and one for which he never actually apologized), to somewhere in between (”she didn’t really mean that” he says to the man refusing to train Katara because she’s a girl, when yes, she very much did mean that, and Aang was no help in finally getting the old codger to eat his words--Katara had to shove them down his throat her own damn self).

While Katara’s overall arc wasn’t exactly big and dynamic (like Zuko’s redemption arc), or in-your-face (like Sokka getting force-fed Respect Women Juice and his eventual growth into a tactician and leader), it was very much present and woven into her character--and Aang had almost no part in it. He provided her with the means to get to the North Pole, but left Katara alone to fight the patriarchy herself. He messed around while Katara took it on herself to do the chores and keep the Gaang alive, but he did almost nothing to decrease that burden so she could grow out of the caretaker role. (Contrary to popular shipper claims, Aang didn’t actually teach Katara to have fun. She already knew how to have fun. But she couldn’t indulge, because she had a responsibility to her family and her tribe, and later to her brother and Aang and Toph, and Aang goofing off and trying to get her to do the same only added to her burdens rather than subtracting from them.) He provided Katara with the necessary motive to learn to heal herself, but he certainly didn’t seem to learn from the experience of accidentally burning her, preferring instead to claim he was never going to firebend again, despite already knowing, at that point, that he was going to need to master fire along with the other elements to become a fully realized Avatar and defeat the Firelord.

He didn’t help Katara keep them alive during The Desert. (In fact, he ran off, leaving her to desperately try to keep Sokka and Toph from succumbing to the heat while worrying for his safety.) In The Painted Lady, Katara makes the decision to stall the Gaang and do what she can to help the Fire Nation villagers on her own--Aang agrees to help her when he finds out, but he wasn’t actually instrumental in her making that choice. The Puppetmaster was, again, Katara finding a master of her own, and having to deal with the fallout from that. And in The Southern Raiders, Aang was--perhaps unknowingly, if I’m being generous, because he is a child and could not reasonably be expected to fully understand the implications of what he was asking her to do or why it was impossible--actively impeding Katara’s development! She desperately needed closure, something he could not understand and actively belittled and dismissed. The only reason he relented in the end (but not without a condescending ‘I forgive you! Does that give you any ideas???’ parting shot lmao) was because Katara was planning to take Appa anyway, and letting her go (and hoping she’d just magically wind up doing things his way) was easier than trying to fight her on it.

While Aang’s existence was necessary for Katara to start down her own path, she needed neither his guidance nor his approval to follow it--and absolutely nothing would change about Katara’s arc if you removed their romantic relationship entirely.

Possibly because the only changes needed to do so would be to remove the two times Aang kissed Katara without her consent (which, hopefully, no one would actually miss), and the epilogue kiss (which was awkward and unnecessary to begin with, since ending the entire show on a romantic kiss as the final shot kind of missed the point of the story to begin with, but that’s another discussion). None of these kisses (which are the only moments in which Katara’s feelings for Aang are so much as addressed; do note that addressing them, or hinting that they needed to be, is not the same as saying she exhibited any sign of reciprocating them) altered anything about Katara’s behavior, her personal arc, or (and perhaps most critically) her relationship with Aang.

It’s that last point that is really damning, as far as ‘Katara obviously had feelings for Aang, she kissed him in the finale!’ goes. Because she didn’t ‘obviously’ have feelings for him. And the fact that he kissed her before the invasion and then she forgot about it (she literally had no idea what he was talking about during the play’s intermission until he reminded her that he’d kissed her) is pretty clear evidence that she didn’t actually have feelings for him. Not the kind he had for her.

I’ve been a teenage girl. I know what it’s like to be surprise!kissed by your crush. And I absolutely for a full fact know that I had not completely forgotten about that kiss three months later and had, in fact, spent most of my waking hours thinking about it and remembering it and trying to talk to him about it. Now, granted, I was not in the middle of a war, but even if I had been, I doubt I would have needed reminding about the fact that the boy I’ve supposedly been developing feelings for had kissed me and showed clearly that he had those feelings for me too.

At the very least, if Katara was harboring feelings that she was worried about approaching until after the war, her relationship dynamic with Aang should have shifted. But it didn’t. She acted the exact same way with him after the Day of Black Sun as she did before it--that is, as a mother figure and a caretaker, responsible for his wellbeing. (And it’s clear she never took him down off the pedestal she needed him to occupy, either--let it not be said that the unhealthy aspects of their relationship only went one way.)

And book 3 is, incidentally, where Katara went from being vital to Aang’s development to being detrimental to it--or, rather, Aang’s refusal to let go of his attachment to her (despite ostensibly having done as much at the end of book 2) was. Because despite having been told by, perhaps, the greatest authority left in the world on Air Nomad culture (even more than Aang, who had left his temple with a child’s understanding of his culture that was never able to mature because he got stuck in the ice berg while his people were wiped out) that he had to let go of his possessive attachment to this girl who never even expressed the possibility that she might harbor romantic feelings for him to begin with, after Azula killed him and Katara brought him back, he went right back into the mindset of Katara is mine, it’s just a matter of time.

And the narrative validated him for it.

Notice how, during Ember Island Players, Aang says the following (emphasis mine):

“We kissed at the invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.”

First of all, if you go back and watch the scene, it’s clear it wasn’t a mutual kiss. Aang sprang a surprise kiss on Katara, which left her shocked and unhappy after he flew off. (The decision to have her looking away and frowning was a deliberate one on the part of Bryke, who wanted Katara’s feelings kept ambiguous. Heaven forbid you allow the animators to make it clear that this fourteen-year-old girl who was just kissed without her consent by someone she’d never once demonstrated romantic feelings toward might actually have some. Heaven forbid she have a little agency in her own romantic narrative. But whatever.)

Second, he says he thought they were gonna be together.

He thought.

He never once even asked Katara what she thought--or even how she felt. He just assumes. He assumes that if he kisses her, she’ll kiss him back and they’ll get together. He assumes that she must have feelings for him, even though her body language is closed off and she told him with her words that she did not want to talk or think about this right now, and kisses her regardless of those signals, upsetting her and leading her to storm off.

And the narrative rewards him, because despite the fact that they don’t have a single significant scene together after that second disastrous kiss, Katara just decides off-screen that she Does Love Him Really and walks onto the balcony to make out with him.

The upshot of all this being that, while Katara was indeed instrumental to a lot of Aang’s early growth and development, Aang was not necessary for her own arc, and their romantic relationship (such as it was) actively hampered Aang’s development in book 3, while removing it would change absolutely nothing for Katara (except saving her from some painfully embarrassing memories).

As far as your third point, I’m simply not going to get baited into explaining how reducing Zutara to an ‘oppressor/oppressed’ relationship is not only insulting to interracial couples irl (not to mention any other couple with a potentially unbalanced dynamic of societal power, since there are many more axis of oppression than just racial), but demeaning to Zuko and Katara, their personal arcs as well as their relationship development together.

However, I will point out that Zuko was not responsible for any of Katara’s trauma. She did not find violence and fighting in bending battles to be traumatic--in fact, she reveled in it. She enjoyed fighting against Zuko at multiple points (especially noticeable in their battle at the end of book 1), because she wanted to fight--she always had--and once she had the ability, she was ready to throw down with anyone who gave her the slightest reason. (Including, by the way, her own potential waterbending master.) Aang’s death at the end of book 2 was Azula’s doing, and while I think that contributed to Katara’s extreme reaction to Zuko joining the gaang, it was not something for which she actively blamed him, and it wasn’t something she believed would be repeated--she let him go off alone on a journey to find the original firebending masters with Aang well before she chose to forgive him. So she already trusted Zuko’s intentions and that Aang would be safe with him.

Finally, because this has gotten long enough already, I hope you now understand that Zuko and Katara getting together would not require ignoring any of their development with their canonical romantic partners. We’ve already established that Katara’s arc wouldn’t change in the slightest if all of Aang’s romantic advances were removed, and I haven’t even gotten into how Mai meant nothing in the grand scheme of Zuko’s development because I’m pretty sure that’s just self-evident. I mean, the video compilation put together by Nick showcasing Zuko’s journey throughout the series doesn’t include a single scene with Mai, though it does include several with Katara, and even Jin makes an appearance--because Katara, and even Jin, played key roles in Zuko’s personal journey, while his relationship with Mai happened entirely off-screen and her only real function was to showcase just how unhealthy trying to force himself back into the role of the Crown Prince was for him.

What development, exactly, is there between them to even ignore?

At any rate, I’ve gone on long enough--I hope you enjoy the fact that you activated my wordvomit trap card right when i was about to go to bed, anon, because I just spent two hours writing this instead. In case you’re interested in the TL;DR: at the end of the day, there was no meaningful, mutual development in Kataang’s romantic relationship, and those romantic feelings that did exist were largely one-sided and ultimately detrimental to Aang’s development in the final third of his overall arc. Meanwhile, Mai meant nothing to Zuko’s journey--rather like Aang’s romantic overtures, she could be removed from the show completely and nothing about his story would change--while Zuko and Katara were both vital to each other’s overall storylines, arcs and development. This, coupled with the fact that Zuko never actually traumatized Katara and, in fact, helped her achieve closure from the biggest source of her own trauma, means that Zuko and Katara have better and more believable build up that could potentially lead to a romantic relationship than either of them have with their canon romantic partners.

So no, anon, I didn’t forget anything--I think you may have, though. Perhaps a rewatch is in order? Make sure not to close your eyes for the back half of book 3 this time.

[astaroth1357]

Hello!! Congratulations on your 1,500 followers!!! I was wondering if you could write hc's with the Demon brothers reacting or helping MC with daddy issues(if possible specifically the kinds with an absent father). If possible please make the female MC, but if you would prefer to make it Gender Natural than its awesome as well!! Thank you very much for your awesome work!!💖💖

A F!MC has an Absent Father (Mammon, Beel, Asmo, and Lucifer)

Okay, so this was a pretty tough request (part of the reason why I'm getting to it so late). Having an absent father can lead to a lot of different (very sensitive) issues for their daughters and I always want to try and be as respectful as possible while still producing accurate content… So instead of my usual 7 brothers format, I'll be shortening this to the brothers that I think could best handle the situation at hand. As always, I will try my best to be respectful to those who may be experiencing these struggles, but if anything I say comes across as harmful or triggering please let me know right away. I'll take down/edit the post if need be. Thank you.

Warnings: Absent Fathers, Eating Disorders, Body Image Problems, Depression, Abandonment, Divorce

Mammon

What kind of Dad wants nothing to do with his kids?? From Day One, Mammon just couldn't understand it...

Admittedly, he might have been a little biased. Ever since he watched his baby brothers grow up, he'd always had a little soft spot for anklebiters in general… They made for pretty sweet kids compared to their rude, spitfire-y current selves (even Satan had his moments). Mammon could see that same innocence in a lot of kids, human, angel, or demon.

So when the MC revealed to him that her own father walked out on her mother before she was born, he was just slightly (incredibly) outraged.

Though he'd like to believe the guy had his reasons for leaving, it just didn't sit right with him… Especially after getting to know the MC so well and seeing that she was such a great person! 

Hadn't the guy been curious about her at all? Didn't he care?? What was stopping him now?? (You know, aside from being on a completely different plane of existence and all that. Like that would stop Marlin from finding Nemo… Yeah, he likes Pixar. What of it?)

Some people might have gone as far as to say that Mammon was waaay more upset about it than she was herself, which was nice but well… his heart was in the right place.

It was around the time when he offered to track the guy down, hogtie him, then leave him to drown in the 4th Circle that she had to take him aside and explain that, though she appreciated his anger on her behalf, she didn't need him to crusade for her… 

She ultimately told him that if he really wanted to help, he could love her and be there for her. Words that he not only took it to heart, but he took very seriously.

She’d never had anyone be as reliable or faithful as Mammon was after that point. As far as he was concerned, he could be what her father never was for her: loving, caring, and present for no other reason than because he loved her!

You know, like you're supposed to be for the people you hold dear...

True, he didn’t always say the right things nor did he always manage to solve every problem for her when he tried to help but he never stopped trying to make her feel loved. He'd spend every Grimm he'd ever had if he had to. She deserved it.

Beelzebub

When you love someone, you usually want to get to know more about them. Things like their past… So it wasn’t unusual for Beel to ask the MC about her home back in the human world, especially after he shared his own past with Lilith and his brothers.

Unfortunately (or fortunately he'd suppose, depending on how you look at it), the intricacies of divorce were a little new to him... Sure, he knew what marriage was and that relationships can fail, but to be frank, he grew up in a very different sort of situation than that of humans. 

He didn't even have a mother, much less and traditional father-son relationship. Lucifer filled in that spot for him like he had for everyone else and they left their father of their own accord...

But something about the way the MC talked about how her father left felt… upsetting. She seemed to use different sorts of tones when talking about the whole thing... At first, she spoke it with blank apathy, but then it changed to bitterness, then lastly… sadness. Like she was regretful about something that, for as far as he could tell, was completely out of her control…

He didn't want to pry into her past much more for that reason... Though he could tell something about it had hurt her, probably deeply, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable so he just waited for her to come to him instead...

And in time, she did.

And ever the patient listener, Beel let her get it all off her chest. He could tell that she felt a lot of different ways about it, and most of them weren’t positive, but he was never one to tell people how to feel about anything. Thinking back on it, he supposed that he’d feel pretty bad too if Lucifer just left the family one day, but even that wasn’t quite the same thing… 

What he knew for certain was that it hurt him to see her so upset and, for once, he wasn’t really sure how to fix it… Can you even “fix” these things? Since he didn’t know the answers he just made a simple promise to himself in order to help make things better...

He probably couldn’t bring her father back, nor could he make his absence hurt any less, but he could be there for her instead. Not like a father, obviously, but as someone who could always love her whether or not she felt she needed it...

And from then on, he let his actions so the talking.

If she was upset and needed comfort, Beel was there. If she was feeling lonely or unloved, he’d be the first to notice and hold her close. Even if she tried to push him away to protect herself from any pain, he wouldn't just abandon her. He'd wait patiently for her to be ready to let him in.

He might not have known all the answers for her, but he wasn't going to let her feel all alone… He made sure of that.

Asmodeus

If he were telling the truth, Asmo was already pretty familiar with this sort of thing. Everybody has "Daddy Issues," himself included, and affects people in a lot of different ways in or outside the bedroom.

Which is why he found it particularly disheartening when he noticed some signs in his beloved MC…

The MC had once confided in him that her relationship with her father was… distant. Though he was physically in the family, she never felt like she could talk to him or get to know him… In a sense, he was never as involved in her life as he probably should have been.

That alone wasn't very uncommon for human families, or so he's heard, heck between his Heavenly-but-Distant Father and his Not-as-Distant-but-Always-Busy Brotherly Surrogate, he could even relate… but it was how she seemed to cope that concerned him…

Something about her self-esteem just wasn't where it needed to be… 

Of course, Asmo's not one to get on a high horse and preach that looks don't actually mean anything (he's a demon, not a hypocrite) but there's a big difference between practicing self-love and falling victim to self-critique… There’s wanting to look your best because it brings you personal joy to do so, then there’s constantly worrying about rejection when you don't look so nice… He's seen it all before.

Truthfully, it was a painful cycle to witness… the eating and then the starving… the hours she’d spend in front of the mirror or her bitter tears after a "bad" selfie… It made his heart ache uncontrollably just to think about it…

So of course he intervened, he simply had to. Not only was it unhealthy for her but it could have brought his darling so much lasting pain in the long run...

When he finally spoke to the MC, he tried to be as gentle as he could while still expressing his concerns… He told her that he noticed the way she had been acting and that he was worried about her…  He genuinely believed that she indeed deserved love with no strings attached. She didn’t need to “prove herself” worthy of it for him or any of his brothers because they would be there for her regardless of what she looked like.

It wasn’t a cure-all. obviously, but never thought it would be. It would take her time to learn how to express love for herself or feel secure that he wouldn’t just start ignoring her one day… but Asmo was nothing if not a caring and patient lover. 

He tracked down places and people who could help her with her struggles and what they couldn’t offer he picked up on himself through perseverance, persistence, and a lot of research. He had his heart set on helping her and that was exactly what he planned to do.

Asmo wasn’t going to stop until she believed that she was honestly, genuinely loved... And that was a promise.

Lucifer

Lucifer picked up that there was something a little different about the human early on, even before he was ever told that her father passed away when she was young. She seemed… particularly fond of him.

He didn’t think much of it at first, but over time it started getting more and more apparent that she gravitated to him for one reason or another… She’d hover around him, bring him things while he worked, or act out like she wanted his attention (not completely unlike Satan or Belphie in that regard).

If he were being honest, it flattered him some, but the more he began to think about it the more… uncomfortable it made him for reasons he couldn’t quite place…

Eventually he gave in and had to run the problem by Barbatos just for a little clarity (he figured the butler could be discreet about it) and that’s when the connection between him and the MC’s deceased father finally came to light. 

There was no real way to sugarcoat it other than to say that she seemed to think of him as… a surrogate Dad of sorts… Which didn’t exactly ease his concerns at all. 

Though he was probably the most “fatherly” person in the House (having more or less become the unofficial father figure to his brothers for centuries), those were still his brothers. He had a large part in actually raising them. The MC was not only a human, but patently not his child. He truly had grown to love her over their time together but that was a very different kind of love…

Something about the situation rubbed him the wrong way… Would he be taking advantage of the MC’s past if he were to try and be with her like he wanted…? Sure, he may be demonic, but he’s not heartless. He only wanted what was best for her and he wasn’t quite sure that was him for once…

While he was still mulling over his feelings, the MC finally jumped the gun and asked him if they could start dating. He knew that it would hurt her (and him) if he said no but he also couldn’t pretend that there wasn’t a problem here…

So he compromised. He agreed to the relationship, but told her that he wanted to take things slow… He was open about his concerns that she may not love him for the reasons she thought she did, which wasn’t the most pleasant conversation to have but it seemed like the one she needed to hear.

It encouraged him that she didn’t appear to reject him outright when he brought it up, nor was she completely broken up about the pace he wanted to set for them, which was a good sign. 

He offered to find her people to talk to about her concerns, particularly around her upbringing, at no cost to her. He thinks humans call them… therapists? Whatever they were, he didn’t doubt that they were better equipped to help than he was.

He tried his best to make it clear that he was only concerned because he loved her so deeply that he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t using her trauma for his own ends... She deserved better than that and he wasn’t afraid to tell her such.

It ended up being a slow process to love for them both, but he’d never regret putting the MC’s wellbeing first. No matter what.

[mollrat101]

Soooooo not to make everything about Ava and Deborah...except I totally do mean too and I am not sorry about it, but let’s talk about Marcus and Deborah’s conversation in episode 10. 

As with most scenes in this show, you can read it on both a textual and subtextual level. 

In the text, Deborah realizes that Marcus is about to leave and, desperate to not be left alone, tries to make amends. 

For the first time, Deb apologizes to Marcus. I do think Deb is genuine in that she feels bad for hurting Marcus’s feelings, but the conclusion she comes to isn’t born out of his best interests (not even waiting to hear what he wants for himself), but out a desperation to not be alone. She already lost Ava, she can’t bear to lose Marcus too. Deb has finally realized that she can’t take the few people in her life for granted and decides that she needs to be more present and more considerate of their feelings. It’s not a coincidence that earlier that day, Deborah (again, for the first time) asks DJ’s permission to talk about her and her life on stage. With Ava gone, Deb wants to make sure her relationships with her children don’t deteriorate further. 

Ava’s entrance into her life has had a huge impact on Deb’s relationship with her children, but we can see that without Ava actually present, it’s likely to slip back into unhealthy patterns. Without Ava there to disrupt it, Marcus and Deborah’s codependent relationship goes on. Proving that it isn’t only Deborah and Ava suffers when they aren’t together, Marcus suffers too from not being allowed to grow. 

In the subtext though, as with everything, this is also about Ava and Deborah. Deb feels tremendously guilty for how things ended with Ava. Again, I do think Deb genuinely does feel bad for hurting Marcus’s feelings, but this kind of outpour of remorse comes on the heels of her reckoning with how she hurt Ava. 

In the subtext, Deborah is talking to Ava. She worries that she took Ava for granted and that’s why she wanted to leave. While there were definitely hurtful and wrong things Ava said in their confrontation, Deb would have to admit Ava was correct in assuming that the reason she didn’t want to do the set was because she was scared. “No, you’re just scared to do the hard thing, so you’re jumping at the first possible chance to bail.“ This line really applies to both of them, but let’s just stick to Deb for now. While she said she wasn’t going to do the new set and only confirms her decision to go through with it after opening Ava’s gift, there’s a part of Deb that still wants to “take her business to the next level”. But she wants to do it with Ava which is what she does when she asks her later to come on tour with her. She only chooses not to do the set when she thinks Ava has lied to her again. 

As much as I believe Deborah loves Marcus, this speech really applies more to her future with Ava. Deb and Marcus are bound to go their separate ways professionally and while she’s not quite ready to let him go yet, deep down what she really wants is to start this new adventure with Ava by her side. 

You can also see the parallel by the reactions of Marcus versus Ava. 

Marcus clearly feels pressured into accepting it and, while touched, knows that choosing to stay is choosing his addiction to work and continuing his codependent relationship with Deborah. He loses Wilson as a result. 

Ava taking Deborah’s offer is seen as lifting her out of despair. She’s overwhelmed with happiness at her offer and her expression that Deb needs her. The bomb of the email threatens to ruin the potential future she and Deb are working towards. 

[mooshs-crack-headcanons]

Hiya Moosh! Happy Valentine's! Can I ask for F X & Z with Yamato & Kiku mayhaps? Thank you!!

Hi hazel! I really do love writing for these too and I'mso happy to do so again, they both have so little x reader writing content for them and it's a crime - but anyway I hope you enjoy!

Yamato 

F   :   FLIRT.   Is your s/o good at flirting? how do they flirt?

I mean, this is Yamato who probably has zero or little relationship experience so he has absolutely ZERO idea how to successfully 'flirt'. He knows for a fact that he likes you, but he has no idea how to show it and given the people around him he it's not like he really has anyone to go to for advice (at first he decided to bite the bullet and ask his father but all he got in return was drunk rambling about how Charlotte Linlin dumped him when they were younger so yeah...not exactly helpful) So Yamato goes to where he usually goes when he needs advice; Oden's journal. 

But unfortunately nothing in what Oden said taught him in any way how to show how you tell someone you like them- however, it did give the Yonko's son an idea! 

So you know how cats will bring you dead things as presents? Well, Yamato has a similar tactic. It's not a dead thing per say but it's a pile of stronger members of his father's crew to impress you with his strength! Now it doesn't do exactly what he wanted, you did give him an earful with how he could've gotten himself hurt and his father would bitch at him for hurting his men again (because if he is going to get the one piece he's going to have to at least keep a full crew) But Yamato only laughs it off and says how if he's going to compare to Oden in any way that he can handle it. You can't help but to roll your eyes and give him a peck on the cheek; saying you're glad he's okay. He touches his cheek as you proceed to walk away (carefully stepping around the groaning bleeding beast pirate pile) leaving him mesmerized. 

Wow, he thinks to himself, I'm good at this flirting thing. 

X   :   XOXO.   does your s/o use pet names?

Yup! Nothing too crazy, mostly just shorten versions of your name or something cute that reminds you of him. Oh and he has absolutely no shame addressing you as such in the presence of others, no matter how embarrassing. However, the only exception to this rule is around his father, especially when he's sober, and the people who are directly under him (such as the Tobi roppo and Calamities) he doesn't want anything to happen to you which could happen if his father is aware of your relationship and he uses you as some sort of leverage when Yamato lashes out against physical confrontations with his father. 

Z   :   ZZZ.   how is sharing a bed with your s/o?

Yamato snores...very loud and he tends to shift in turn a lot in his sleep, and given his size he could easily crush you. Now he knows both things and feels very bad about it, especially the potential crushing part, and he tries his best to make it where both things aren't as much as an issue and is willing to do any adjustments needed so these aren't problems. But besides that, our man is definitely a fan of snuggles so fully expect him to rub his face against yours or your neck and softly hum against you as he lets you play and pet his soft white-neon hair. 

Kiku 

F   :   FLIRT.   Is your s/o good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh definitely and Kiku definitely knows how to be subtle about it, but not too much to where you can easily get the hint and be left sitting there with scorching warm cheeks. From light touches to your hands and shoulders, to slightly brushing hair out of your eyes with such an adoring smile that rockets your heart out of your chest, to long simple hugs that just last a few drawn out moments than it should've. 

X   :   XOXO.   does your s/o use pet names?

Yes, if that's what you want however in her opinion she likes to say your name more often because to her - well for one it sounds so pretty and it most definitely suits you and two you mean so much to her that your name has so much meaning and feeling to it than any other possible pet name ever could. 

Z   :   ZZZ.   how is sharing a bed with your s/o?

Well Kiku is tall, so of course whatever bed the two of you sleep in is of course is going to have to fit to her size - you most definitely refuse to let her be uncomfortable by cramming herself in a normal size bed or cot (like that sounds unhealthy) Given to her size it's so easy to lie on her chest as a pillow to sleep and honestly she finds you so adorable when doing so and most nights she'll watch you sleep and let her fingers soft comb through your hair the sounds of you breathing calming her and slowly lulling her slumber as well.  

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[bookofmirth]

I haven't read ACOSF yet, and tbh I'm rather rusty with the characters but it was really interesting to read your opinion on Elain! I feel there's a lot of complexity to her. And how she presents herself as well because as you said we literally have no chapters from hers or Lucien's POV and I think that's the important point to note because right now we're all just guessing and assuming her to be like Feyre, but she's not. People deal/show their traumas in different way and l think people expect Elain to deal with it as Feyre did. But, Feyres trauma and Elains are very different!

I don't really know what I'm saying. But I read your answer and it made me go 'oh... Huh!' in a good way, it sparked my curiosity! So thank you! But I think Elain perhaps is the most complex person with their trauma. I know people say 'oh Nesta is so different' but (I specialised in drama therapy so I love psycho analysis) and what Nesta did is self destructive to prevent relationships to avoid hurt or more emotions that she doesn't want to acknowledge (in my opinion!)

Elain just shuts down. She doesn't drink, she doesn't screw, she just remains in her garden which in itself says a lot! That's a very grounding way to handle trauma and not a lot of people are aware of that side!

So yeah I don't know what I'm saying but I think it's a really interesting discussion!

I have so many thoughts about Elain! This took me a few days to get to because i knew I had a crapton of thoughts. So this is basically me using this ask to explain the way I see Elain post-acosf!

There are three important scenes in acosf off the top of my head: when Elain talks with Nesta and they fight, and then with Nesta and Feyre and she gets mad and leaves, and then Feyre and Rhys talk about her in their chapter. We’re getting a lot more information about her, and for me, it wasn’t so much about who she is, but why we don’t know who she is.

So far, what we’ve had is Feyre’s and Nesta’s POV. Even when Feyre and Lucien tried to help her in acowar, they were unable. So we’ve never had anything about Elain from someone who didn’t grow up with her and experience the same trauma (such as becoming destitute, their mother’s death, their father being beaten, the Cauldron, etc.)

The sisters do handle it very, very differently. And I think that at this point the fandom consensus is that Elain runs away from her problems, but I actually disagree, and partly because of what you mentioned - that she isn’t using those self-harming, destructive coping mechanisms. Nesta was avoiding her problems, hardcore. It’s absolutely possible that Elain avoids things, but I don’t think that she just runs from all of her problems because:

Elain grieves her father. Openly. She tries to accept the fact that it wasn’t her fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it. (See: her going to his grave in acofas, her first talk with Nesta in acosf.) Elain does not run from her grief, she doesn’t pretend it doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t hide it from others. As one of the most defining events we’ve seen her go through in the series, that’s a pretty big deal.

Elain does not cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There could be ways that she does this that we are unaware of. She does seem like the type who would be really, really good at making people think she’s okay, all while she’s silently imploding. But we don’t know that yet?

Elain does not isolate herself. 

However, Elain definitely needs to deal with some stuff! She definitely needs to deal with Lucien, and she needs to have an actual talk with Nesta because I don’t remember a single satisfying resolution between those two in acosf. Not like Nesta had with Feyre. 

I have this idea that is purely based on Elain’s line in acosf:

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow, all you think of is what my trauma did to you.” (pg. 233)

And then Feyre tells Nesta that yes, Elain was right. 

This is so so so sossosososos important. I cannot emphasize it enough. Elain is used to putting on a fake, smiling face because she doesn’t want the weight of her sisters’ concern. She has been pretending to cope for so long - and tbf, she seems to have been doing better than Nesta - that people not only forget that she has suffered, but she doesn’t feel like she can even express that suffering.

Emotional labor often means negating one’s own feelings in order to acknowledge or tend to someone else’s. And that is Elain’s major role, in the series. Feyre has been caring for everyone’s physical wellbeing (hunting), while Elain’s role has been to care for everyone’s emotional wellbeing. But, like with most emotional labor, it has gone unnoticed.

I’ve made posts about emotional labor in the past (four years ago!!!!) but I’m gonna spare you the link because a lot of it was about a ship that’s no longer a ship, so here is the relevant content:

What I am talking about is the regulation of emotion - any time that you give comfort, are especially attentive to someone’s needs, stop thinking about how you feel in order to focus on how someone else feels, try to cheer someone up, make sure that they are taking care of themselves, try to allay their insecurities, etc. Basically, helping them with any sort of emotional distress.

You know those posts you’ve seen, about women protecting men’s egos constantly? Or about making time for self-care? Or about recognizing toxic relationships? That tell you “if X is being demanded of you in a relationship, get out”? Those are ALL about emotional labor, broadly speaking. They are warning you not to do more than you can handle, more than you need to do, because it can be harmful to you.

If you have ever been expected to make a person or people feel better any time you are around each other (including when they are angry, upset, anxious, ill, frustrated, insecure, etc.), you have performed emotional labor. Pretty much everyone has done this at some point, unless you are a completely insensitive jerk.

Notice, though, that I said expected to and any time you are around them – this is where the problem comes in for YOU. This is not about just being there for a friend.

Making loved ones feel better is fantastic. Seeing people be polite and kind to one another makes my heart shine. That is not a problem in and of itself. That can be seen as emotional labor, but there are no requirements on you in those circumstances. This is something you are doing of your own free will.

The problem, again, is when this is expected, constantly, over time. Now, in my experience, the expectation is not necessarily coming from the other person. One of the problems with this type of labor is that not only do others expect women to perform these tasks, but women expect it of themselves.

It’s super easy to see this – who is expected to take care of a child when they fall? Who is expected to baby-sit? Who did you want when you were sick as a child, mom or dad? Who is expected to be sensitive and pay attention to others’ emotions?

For more info on this idea specifically, read Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich. As a woman, I realized how much work I had been performing and how much it was harming me and I just… got real upset. She comes at this mostly from what a woman’s role is expected to be within the family, and might actually be a bit outdated in that respect because I feel like family structures and dynamics are shifting (that is a totally un-academic evaluation of the situation, don’t quote me on that), but still, it’s really informative.

While I was doing some research for this post I came across a peer-reviewed article about nursing and basically, high amounts of emotional labor led to anxiety and burn-out in those performing it. It literally will cost your mental health – not to mention your time, energy, attention, and it often requires you to ignore your own needs (this last part came from me, not the article). On the other hand, high levels of emotional intelligence (being able to recognize your own and others’ emotional states) meant less emotional labor (and therefore less anxiety & burn-out). One of the most important things to realize is that while you are taking care of someone else’s emotional needs, your own are frequently unmet. That is why it’s important to recognize this in yourself, not just in these characters.

So where does Elain fit in? Elain is the #1 emotional labor provider of the family, and she is about to freaking SNAP. I know, because once I realized how my trauma was hidden in order to spare someone else its consequences, I fucking SNAPPEd. I’ll also spare you the personal details, but Elain hasn’t been “okay”. She hasn’t been “boring”, or “nice”, or “chosen” Feyre over Nesta. She has literally been unable to express herself because (and I am NOT blaming Nesta or Feyre or her father one bit) her family’s emotional state has been so fragile, there hasn’t been room for Elain to feel or express her emotions in years. 

In the feysand short, Rhys says:

I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.

And that completely tracks. Everyone has gotten used to Elain being not just “nice”, but being the emotionally predictable one. The one they know they can go to for a smile. The one they can count on for never, ever making them realize that she has been through Some Shit Too. And being that person is exhausting.

When Feyre thinks about Elain not using Lucien’s gloves, 1) she still has them, otherwise she couldn’t think about Elain not using them, and 2) I like to see the gloves as something that she will come to use, once she realizes that she can feel and express those emotions without it causing a breakdown in the family. Right now, she just wants to feel. And she can’t do that emotionally, so she’s doing it physically. Once she heals and finds a better balance, she won’t need to resort to physical pain. (Which, lowkey has me thinking some other thoughts, but.... maybe later.) But anyway, once Elain does go through her very own special journey, I fully expect her to welcome those gloves. She won’t need physical pain to feel anymore.

Not to mention my completely unacademic and non-professional opinion that people will judge a nice women harshly for being rude once, but accept a woman with a history of rudeness for just “being that way”. It’s another way that Elain may feel trapped in her “nice girl” persona. I think she started out that way - kindness and light and generosity is 100% in Elain’s character in the first place. It’s not as if she went into the Court of Nightmares and suddenly Cassian thought, “wait, she fits right in to this shithole of depravity”. No, he still thought the literal opposite. It’s just that once people get used to you doing all their emotional labor, they will continue to take advantage of it, even if they don’t realize its cost.

[angelicmichael]

Imminient Annihilation sounds so dope, chapter nine.

Michael Langdon x reader

Summary: Reader and Michael finally learn how to communicate and decide to start being mostly civil and learn how to tolerate eachother. 

Words: 5.6k+

Warnings: Mentions of bruises and falling, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, reader and Michael are both pretty mean in the first half of this part LOL, some Millory flirting <3, extreme enemies to lovers, extreme slow burn, reader is going through inner torment like always LOL, lots of cussing, witch! reader

A/N: First of all - i just wanna say I'm so sorry for not updating this in like 5 months LMAO. That's why I decided to make this chapter a bit long 😌. Still no romance but, reader and Michael are finally starting to warm up to eachother so hopefully yall like this chapter :)

Previous Chapter

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Dull, aching pain was what welcomed you when you woke up. It started off subtle; faint enough to ignore until you started to stir in your bed.. wrong fucking move.

Your entire body was throbbing. Saying that you felt like complete shit was definitely an understatement at this point.. You almost wanted to think perhaps this could be a result of partying last night but then again.. this pain was different. You knew for sure this was not a result of being hungover.

You winced as you pushed back the covers and stood up, wandering over to the closest mirror as you pushed up your shirt - wanting to examine your ribs - where the pain seemed to ache the most. Your skin on the left side of your ribs had turned into a ugly, mixed palette of blues and purples. Turning around only proved that the bruises had traveled to your back as well. You couldn’t help but wince at the sight and let out a painful moan when you traced your fingers across your skin - feeling the bruises. What the fuck happened last night??

You let your shirt fall back down as you stood - puzzled and thinking about the previous nights events.. and.. oh fuck..

You swallowed as you conjured up the memories from last night in your mind; you remembered Mallory.. going to the party.. drinking.. Michael.. going back to his apartment.. talking.. falling.. and then nothing.

What the fuck happened?!

You roughly swallowed, your eyebrows furrowed together as you turned around looked at your surroundings - something you should’ve done sooner. You felt a wave of Deja vu wash over you; as well as a wave of fear. Being in a room with no recollection of how you got there was hauntingly familiar. Too familiar for your liking. However, you knew you were you.. looking again in the mirror reassured you of that but.. that didn’t solve the issue of how you got from Michaels penthouse to.. wherever you were now.

You stared at the room; puzzled. You were trying to put your finger on why the room looked so familiar; and then it clicked. The hotel room you were currently in wasn’t a penthouse but it still looked similar and resembled Michaels hotel room that you were in last night. Which could only mean you were staying in the same hotel.

Your heart stopped when you came to the realization that Michael must've got you this hotel room. That's the only way any of this made sense. You wanted to think for a split second it could’ve been Mallory who came to your rescue but, that didn’t make sense because you knew she wouldn’t have left you alone in the morning. It had to be Michael.

The gesture almost would’ve been cute under normal circumstances.

The room looked practically untouched besides the bed you had just climbed out of. Your phone resided on the night stand, and as you quickly went through your phone - nothing seemed tampered with. Thank god.

Although, there was a message from someone in particular that you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at. Of course he messaged you. You quickly opened up the message fully, reading through it rather quickly.

‘How are you feeling?'

You bit your lip as you crafted up a soulless response. At least he had enough of a heart to check in on you. I mean it was the very least he owed you at this point.

‘Oh I’m doing just peachy keen. How the fuck do you think I’m doing with bruises everywhere?? Did I get a concussion last night?’

You sent the message without thinking twice. You felt your face getting hot and your heart beating faster. You grinded your teeth; the fact you could feel yourself getting angry and agitated so early in the morning was beyond aggravating.

You paced around the hotel room, phone still in hand. You compulsively checked your phone nearly every second as you paced until you finally saw the notification you were waiting for.

'if we're going to keep talking about last night then it needs to be done in person. How about meeting me at the café across the street, asap. And bring Mallory. I'm not interested in talking to you alone.'

“Motherfucker," you muttered with a quick roll of your eyes.

Of course Michael wanted to meet immediately; it was foolish to expect anything less of him at this point, honestly. Luckily getting ready would be a rather quick ordeal since the only belongings you had were on you. You quickly paced to the mirror and attempted to make yourself look presentable before grabbing your phone and hastily running out the door before dialing Mallory's number.

//

Thankfully getting Mallory to agree to witness whatever torture Michael had planned for you wasnt hard; Although the pair of you were still confused on why Mallory's presence was required in the first place. But atleast you knew Michael was feeling better if he was still acting in character, being unpredictable as ever.

The café wasn’t hard to find; and neither was Michael. He sat at a small wooden table that was meant for four. A dim light hung from the ceiling above the table.

You grew increasingly more nervous as you approached the table. What could Michael even want to say to you that was so important that it had to be said in person? With Mallory?

A pit resided in your stomach - a feeling that something bad was about to happen stayed present within you even as you and Mallory sat down next to eachother. You offered to sit directly across from Michael, so that you could spare Mallory from having to deal with his crippling stare - but of fucking course, Michael chimed in and demanded that Mallory sat directly across from him.. and Mallory being the way she is obliged naturally. It made the pit in your stomach only grow.

You only wanted to cut all of the bullshit that you knew Michael was about to pull; you just wanted to talk to Michael and have a normal fucking conversation for once. Separation at this point seemed to give you a ridiculous amount of unwanted torment; emotionally, physically, and this point possibly even spiritually. You knew you were meant to be around him - there was no point in fighting the connection you two had. So.. that was why you felt justified in your choice of atleast attempting to have this conversation with Michael, and to make the effort that he barely had the balls to do.

"Hey, It's nice to see that the both of you bothered to show up," Michael sneered.

"Of course we did, Michael. I actually try to stay true to my word - it's not like you can say the same," you stated without missing a beat while maintaining direct eye contact.

You were aware that you probably sounded harsh to any eavesdroppers listening, but you remained unapologetic. You didn’t offer a smile with your words; and you tried your best to remain stoic. A quick glance to your right told you that Mallory was trying her best to avoid Michael's gaze still, most likely uncomfortable at you and Michael's vicious banter.

"Someone seems to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed,” Michael said with a dark chuckle.

“Ha. Funny," You spit out. Glaring daggers at him as you spoke, “As if you slept well either."

"I didn’t actually; but maybe you would've known that if you've been so kind to ask," Michael bit back. 

You gave Michael a long, scorching glare - silently cueing him to shut the fuck up and to consider someone else's feelings for once.. but, you dont really know if he was capable of doing that after all.. but it worked.

You felt bad for Mallory; who was awkwardly staring at her hands and fiddling with her thumbs. You could practically feel how uncomfortable this conversation was making her, and not to mention it was painfully obvious.

You weren't surprised in the slightest that Michael seemed to pick up on her sudden dispirited aura, as well.  His light blue eyes quickly traveled from you to Mallory; and it was absolutely revolting to see how fast he could go from having a expression of pure exasperation to.. fondness and concern when he looked at Mallory. It almost reminded you of his reaction to finding Madison after you completely kicked her ass but.. the way he looked at Mallory was different. It was more delicate. It would've been cute if.. you weren't in the current, complicated situation you found yourself in.

"Mallory.." he spoke her name with such softness your surprised she didn't melt right then and there.

They finally met each others gaze; and Mallory met him with a smile which Michael only mirrored.

"Are you okay?" he affirmed.

Mallory nodded, the smile quickly vanishing from her lips as she looked over to you, and then back at Michael.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just happy you two survived last night."

This comment made all three of you smile, but yours was definitely fake. You were grateful that the weird, heavy tension that was between you and Michael had been temporarily lifted though. Maybe having Mallory around to mediate all of yours and Michael's conversations wasnt a bad idea.

"I-"

"Me too. I dont know if (Y/n) told you but, the reason why im bothering to meet with you two today is to figure out what happened last night. Due to (Y/n)'s track record, I'd rather hear things from your perspective.. if you dont mind, Mallory," Michael said.

Essentially cutting you off and once again from speaking directly to Mallory.

Michaels eyes, which normally looked soulless and held a degree of ruthlessness in them (in your opinion) had lost a bit of their edge and fury when he looked at Mallory.. but she didn't seem to take notice how interested he suddenly was in her. Right now, she just seemed flustered and put under the spotlight. Her cheeks were spotted a uneven red color from the unwarranted direct attention Michael was giving her, and it was obvious that she was nervous. Her black, painted nails were tugging mindlessly and restlessly at the thin, decorative gloves she was wearing. A typical nervous habit you noticed she displayed.

Your gaze stayed focused on Mallory but you could feel Michael's hot, glaring stare on you. It was only for a split second after he was done talking - but after that second, he was right back to Mallory. Mallory. His seemingly new, favorite infatuation.

It wasnt jealousy that made you question why Michael was suddenly being so nice to her. It was the fact that you knew Michael truly was a scheming asshole at heart. At this point you were guessing he was only being so nice to her because he needed a favor done.. the mere thought made you bit your lip to suppress a eye roll.

"I-I can try but I wasnt there for the entire night-" Mallory stammered.

She looked at you for support but all you could offer was another meaningless smile in return.

"That's fine. Whatever you remember will do," Michael pressed.

Mallory gave her gloves (which she was still fussing with) a quick glance and then continued; looking at Michael while she spoke.

"Well, it was nothing really remarkable. I'm sure (Y/n) could tell you more than I can but, I saw you get drunk. Incredibly drunk and then.. well that's it. I went back to Robichaux's after that."

Her words left you astonished. How was that all she had to say?? Where was the part where she came back for you? Wasn't she the one who put you into the bed in the hotel room you woke up in, this morning? You knew it was most likely Michael who put you in the hotel last night but, a small part of you was still hoping it could've been Mallory.

"Wait.. what? But that's not everything, it cant be.. I-" The farther your words progressively came out of your mouth the longer your sentence ran.. or as long as Michael allowed too before once again interrupting.

"Mallory.. I think me and (y/n) will be good talking about things one on one from here. As much as I've enjoyed your company; I can only tolerate so many witches and.. according to nature; sadly it has to be this one," Michael flickered his eyes toward you, obviously referencing you in the latter part of his sentence.

Profanities that started with every letter of the alphabet ran through your head at his attempt of trying to be sweet. He extended his hand out to squeeze Mallory's - and after she said her goodbyes, she was quickly gone. Out of the venue.

Looked like it was just you and your favorite villain again.

As much as you loved Mallory and cherished the friendship you two had - you were kind of glad she was gone. The fact you could admit that to yourself with confidence shocked you but.. you felt as if you had to act like a nicer, polished version of yourself that just wasnt truly you around her. As much as your hatred for Michael still ran deep, you were free to act authentic around him - and atleast now you were completely free to call him out on whatever bullshit he just tried to pull off.. and that realization that you now had no bounds was.. completely freeing.

"So, what the fuck was that?"

"What?" Michael asked.

His voice was raised in a defensive, annoyed manner.

"How you were treating Mallory.. what do you want from her?"

You studied the man sitting across from you at the table, and you smugly noticed how even he seemed to be more relaxed now that Mallory was gone.. He was slightly bent over the table now with his elbows resting on the surface, but after your question - he brought one of his ring adorned hands up to his mouth, a poor attempt to stifle a laugh.

"So you noticed," He commented.

You watched as he dropped his hand from his mouth back down to the table in one swift movement.

"It was hard not too," You said.

The predator like focus was lively in his eyes again as he studied you. He was moving a bit in the chair he was sitting in - fully shifting and angling his body towards you. You knew you had his full, undivided attention now.. but this time you planned on taking full advantage of it.

"But.. just please leave her out of it, Michael. I'm serious. Mallory has enough on her plate already, she doesn't need... to be involved," you added.

You struggled to find the proper word to use for last part of your sentence. Labeling whatever this situation was still felt incredibly odd and- just really added to your point that Mallory didn't need to be involved or kept in the loop about things anymore.. It was obvious that Michael was starting to finally warm up to you and.. it seemed he was almost starting to trust you too. Almost.

Michael solely smirked at your words and gave a brief hum as a placeholder for a laugh, like your words weren't worthy of being praised or encouraged by something as gracious as a full on laugh.

"Oh, Dont worry (y/n). I wasnt planning on involving her. It was satisfying enough just to see someone with so much power and potential reduced to a blushing mess.. but - I'm done talking about your dear friend Mallory."

You dont realize that you've slowly stopped breathing until you feel the slow but urgent feeling of gradual suffocation constrict your lungs.. Was it possible he was alluding to you, and maybe not Mallory at all in his last sentence?

Was it really stupid at this point to consider that maybe him flirting and being so stupidly nice with Mallory was just another manipulation tactic.. to see how you'd react? Maybe.

"I only.. wanted to thank you for what you did," Michael stated - finally getting to the point.

Your stomach flipped. The emotions you were feeling before were already laced with confusion and uncertainty but - pining how you felt now never seemed more impossible.

"What I.. did?"

You looked at Michael's body language for answers while he verbally stalled. Both of his elbows were now resting on the table, both hands clasped together as his cheek rested on them. He looked soft.. vulnerable too, but it still didn't compare to how he looked when he gazed at Mallory earlier.. or even Madison. The way he looked at you was completely and utterly different. It was the way that his eyes darkened whenever you two happened to make prolonged eye contact. You thought maybe his pupils could just be dilated but then again, Michael was nothing like normal.. Or that's what you tried to  tell yourself anyway. It was creepy to say the least, and deeply unsettling. Even when his eyes nearly changed to black; the rest of his face still upheld a sad, genuine, softness. You still weren't scared of him.

"Yes. What you did.. last night. You didn't have to do what you did but, I just wanted to tha-"

"Wait, you remember?" your words come out; rushed and sonorous. Striking like thunder.

Just the mere thought that Michael could've possibly remembered last nights events had your heart beating wildly in your chest. You felt the nausea in your stomach for a split second until you felt it start to spark up into your throat - you were only seconds away from getting sick. How fucking embarrassing was it that he remembered everything.. was he even truly drunk, at all?

The sudden, rash embarrassment that you felt must've been apparent to Michael because.. he looked concerned for you. His eyebrows were slightly creased and the light blue in his irises were darkened and swarmed with emotion.

You started to move to get up; at this point you weren't concerned with finding a bathroom necessarily - you just needed a fucking break. Michael's company was intoxicating; exactly like a drug.. no matter how much you truly hated him and wanted nothing more than to see him put in his place; he still managed to pull you in effortlessly. The type of territory you were headed into with Michael with purely dangerous.  You remember Cordelia warning you not to get attached; and you certainly weren't so far.. so far.

The affect Michael had on women (and men, and really all types of people) was blatantly obvious. He drew people in so fucking easily, he was basically a magnet. He was beautiful, charismatic, had money, and was goal driven (even though his goals were horrific, like ending the world) - he met all the qualifications and standards most people had for a boyfriend. Including your own.

You couldn't decide whether it was painfully ironic or tragic that someone that seemed.. almost built for romance was really made for destruction. Destined for it even. But you knew that if Michael wanted too, it wouldn't be too hard to just.. make you fall for him. You suppose when it came down to it, that's why his prescense was so overwhelmingly suffocating.

It wasnt Michael that you were truly infuriated at; it was what this whole situation stood for. Sure, your life pre-switching wasnt the best but.. you missed the normalcy and the routine. The lack of chaos was something you dreamed about. Now, you were beyond fucked - going from having basically no powers to being stronger than Mallory herself, as well as being destined to help set up your soulmates death was far too much to handle. But.. at the same time it wasnt, because everyone in the coven made sacrifices and you know that if any of them were put in your situation they would do it without a doubt or complaint - so why were you hesitating?

There was no denying that when you were away from him you craved and hungered for his attention, his precense.. and it was the realization that you didn't really care how you got his attention that made you try to finally stand up and leave. For the second time.

Michael put his hand on your forearm, an inch right below your wrist. His touch was soft but firm -  you reflexively tried to pull your arm back but he continued to keep you under his grasp.

"Dont go. I'm not going to beg but.. I just; need you to understand-" Michael's voice started to break.

"Need me to understand, what, Michael? What is it this time? I need to know that your being honest, you cant keep.. treating me the way you have," the words you were forced to chose made you squirm and bite your tongue.

You wanted to call him out on his pathetic lying but you chose a safer route instead. One that wouldn't burn his ego so bad. Being forced to tell a sort of.. half truth was annoying. It felt like he was in control again, over you, over your emotions.. and he was. He had total control over you, and it seemed as if he barely put in any effort trying to do so. Although, it was obvious he was trying to shy away and deny this whole.. weird arranged marriage as much as you had; but he was finally succumbing to the urge.. and so were you.

"I never lied. Every time I've seen you, I've never said anything that wasnt true.. but, I haven't exactly let you in - either," Michael's hands separated and dropped low to the table, his hands nervously fiddling with his rings. "I'm sure that your already well acquainted with my past or that you have pre-conceived notions about me but.. nothing in my life has been easy.. and that includes switching with you. I dont easily trust anything, or anyone so seeing how you acted last night.. made me realize that I want.. to try to make this work."

Flames of embarrassment licking up your body, first from your chest until the feeling infested up to your cheeks is how you first reacted to his words. Then it was shock that quickly numbed the feeling, like a acute natural anesthetic.. if only the feeling were stronger and could actually make you unconscious for whatever the fuck was occurring now. You licked your lips, completely uncertain of what you wanted to say but you started talking anyway.. letting the words find you as you went.

"I dont want to argue either, Michael. I never did to begin with.. and as much as I dont want too, I forgive you.. and hopefully you can forgive me too - along with Madison.. I'm sorry. I really, truly am and I hope you remember that from last night," as much you tried to sound confident in your words as you spoke, your voice unwillingly stumbled and wavered as your sentence drew on.

Your words came out quickly and unwillingly before you could even truly think them through logically.. Were you really apologizing to Michael, out of all people? The one person who had done so much fucking damage to you, and yet here you were - pathetically begging for his forgiveness. It was past heart-rending at this point; the feeling and realization of how much you yearned for Michael was hurting you, in every way imaginable. You had to remind yourself to not unconsciously hold your breath as you stared at him, but you only found kind - blue eyes staring back.

His lips slightly upturned at the corners, in a odd close mouthed smile. He made direct eye contact with you; Which at first you sheepishly tried to avoid but.. as much as you tried to avoid his eye contact, you surrendered and ultimately gave into it. After all; his eyes were fucking marvelous to look at -  and what were you really trying to avoid anymore, after all?

"I remember every word you said (y/n), and I dont take what you said lightly.. I know you were telling the truth and that it wasnt easy to say.." His words drifted off almost unwillingly as he ultimately drew silent.

You watched as he hastily licked his lips nervously; and your stomach did another flip.

"But; if you were open to this.. I honestly want to get to know you and to try.. to atleast be civil. But you have to understand that.. I need your full transparency. I have to know that this is something your truly wanting to commit to because, i-"

Michael shifted and twitched in his chair, and wore a expression as if he was.. insecure.

Even though all you had heard about Michael in the past was complete rumors and you really had no solid grasp on what had happened in his past.. you felt an odd, wave of memories pass over you - but you were well aware that they didn't belong to you. These memories were accompanied by odd, foreign feelings. Ones that were stuck with you for only a split second but left you nearly in fucking tears. What the fuck was that? You met his gaze again, and it's like he fucking knew that you knew how he was planning to finish his incomplete sentence.

You bit your cheek to suppress the overflow of emotions you had just felt, and it was working for the time being but.. you figured that was just another distraction. Something else you to had to suppress and fight.

You first sat idle, your mouth incredibly dry and your throat painfully aching. Screaming for you to stop halting and just to fucking speak. You then realized that Michael didn't stop because he thought you were going to speak.. he purposefully cut himself off. There was something he was avoiding here but.. still expected you to know. Since Michael apparently was so focused on your apparent 'relationship' you figured it wouldn't hurt to start putting effort in and take initiative.. right?

"You dont have to say anything more, Michael. I get with.. what you've had to endure in your past on why you would be so guarded, even counting what I've done to you," you take a deep breath in "and, I dont know exactly how committed you want me to be but I know that at the very least that.. I'd like to get to know you too."

This was as far as flirty that you'd decide to be for the night. Even though Michael's guard was apparently as far gone as your current sanity; you decided that there was no way that you were going to be so carefree when it came to handing over your peace to him.

The time whilst you waited for Michael to react seemed to stretch impossibly long. The minutes feeled like long agonizing hours; your heart beating impossibly fast in tandem with every agonizing second that slipped away.. until he spoke, naturally.

"Are you sure you know what you're agreeing too?"

You didn't shy away from his gaze this time.

"The same could go for you," you challenged.

A sinister giggle escaped your lips, but Michael didn't back down. His blue eyes looked into yours in a way that spoke more words than he ever was capable of producing out loud. It proved that even now when he was attempting to be soft and civil with you, he was still trying to assert dominance. Fuck that.

"I think I'm more than capable of taking you on, (y/n)."

You scoffed.

"Okay, so.. what does this all mean? Like, what does this mean for us, Michael?" the words you spoke burned hot on your tongue with regret as soon as you said them.

"It doesn't mean anything except that I just.. would appreciate if I could see you.. regularly from now on."

His eyes held contact with yours.. It relaxed you a bit to notice how he looked as if he was holding his breath too. So, you weren't the only one that was nervous, right?

You breath haltered; he was still ignoring your question. What were you two? You knew that Michael's intentions with you were crystal clear - for the time being he seemed strict on his 'friends only' rule which.. of course couldn't really happen if Cordelia was expecting you to still carry out the plan that she had intended.. which she did. Certainly she did.

"Yeah well.. Cordelia-" your words fell flat and naturally died off on their own.

You had no idea why you even bothered to mention her name. You knew what you had to inevitably tell him eventually about Cordelia; but you knew now wasnt the time. It was too soon, you needed to wait until Michael got more comfterable with you before you exposed the coven.. and that's if you chose to do that.

"Look, I'm not stupid. It's obvious how strong your powers are.. and your still scared of Cordelia?" Michael looked at you now as if you were saying a joke.

A insult burned at the back of your throat. You tried your best to contain the fire you could feel, coercing you to open your mouth and to act on your immediate feelings rather than on logic.. but, to respect Michael and how vulnerable he had previously been with you - you held your tongue.

"Its not that I'm scared of Cordelia. I respect her and theres a difference. You have to understand where I stand between you and Cordelia, as well as the coven."

"You have no business being stuck in the middle though - which is why.. I have a solution," the left corner of Michael's lips upturned slightly.

Unconsciously you leaned forward in your chair.. a solution? You flinched as you saw Michael turn and pull something out of his jacket pocket; and suddenly threw it at you. A flash of silver caught the light as it passed through the air. It didn't take long for you to realize that he threw you a pair of keys. What?

"W-what is this?" Your voice shook as it raised to an higher octave.

"It's keys to an apartment. This will make things easier; in terms of us having access to eachother and it'll wean you off of having the covens support."

Your lips slowly turned into a frown, and your fingers nervously played with the keys as you put off having to look Michael in the eye.. it was clear to you now that even though Michael had been pretty open with you.. Michael was clearly misconstrued about your.. exact situation and with where you sat with the coven. He had no idea how involved you were, you could only guess.

However; your loyalty with the coven really had nothing to do with the fact you couldn't accept Michael giving you an entire fucking apartment.. There was no way you were going to let him hold this over your head, no fucking way.

You held the keys up and looked at them in a unsure manner before flinging them on the table in Michael's general direction. Ignoring the many dirty looks you got when the keys clashed loudly against the table.

"Even though I appreciate the gesture, theres no way I can accept that, Michael and you should know that."

"Your being stupid, I basically have all the money in the world at my disposable - at the tip of my fingers.. Take the apartment," the last three words sounded as if they were meant to be a threat.

His pronunciation on each last word was stern and final.

"I can't just move wherever you want me too; you realize I'm still a member of the coven, right? And if I just leave- it's going to look suspicious."

"Do you want to leave?"

Your breath came out as shaky when you exhaled. Now that was a good fucking question.

"I.. I mean maybe. Its been hard to live there to say the least recently and it would be nice to get away but I just.. I dont know if this is a good idea," your voice shook as you spoke.

This was the most candid you probably had ever been with Michael. Even when you were intoxicated, you made certain that every word that came out of your mouth around him was carefully planned and strategic.. but, just speaking and telling him what you were thinking right off the bat was a bit nerve wracking to say the least.

Your nails nervously dug into the skin of your palm as you waited for his reaction.

"What's holding you back?" You heard his voice ring out.

Your gaze fell down from his eyes back onto the silver keys that lied on the table. You couldn't help but to think - would it really be that bad just to take the apartment? If worse comes to worse you could always just move back to Robichaux's.. right? After all, it's not like Cordelia wouldn't approve - it was her idea for you to fucking seduce the dude in the first place. And Mallory would surely be understanding, if anything she would probably be excited. Fuck it.

"Yeah no, your right.. I'll do it."

You snatched the keys back from the table in an act of defiance - even though it really wasnt because once again, you were giving Michael what he wanted. Motherfucker.

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