#but yeah!! i was a baby in 2002! i was five!!

[sooniebby]

ఌ 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

W.C › 12k

Warnings › bottom male reader. Reader is a bit immature. If you wanted an example of the bands music: Love Countdown vs Black Rose. Translations at the end. Some homophobia with a slur but very light. Unhinged OC, he’s crazy

Plot › This post I had but expanded.

Kinks › size difference, pain, possessive, lite spanking, toxic, dacryphilia, dubcon

Words to know › maknae (막내) — youngest. Hyung (형) — a term a younger male with call an older male. Jagiya/Jagi (자기야) — “sweetie/baby.” Seonbae (선배) — title of respect for someone in a higher position of you, usually work/school. Dongsaeng (동생) — little brother/sister, doesn’t have to be a biological sibling/can be a friend.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

안녕하세요, 러브카운다운입니다!

박도현

Leader, 1997, Bassist, main vocalist

신원식

1998, Guitarist, lead vocalist

유키

1999, Drummer

양준호

2000, keyboardist, lead vocalist

이영재

2002, guitarist, sub vocalist

초 (Name)

Maknae, (B.Year), guitarist, violinist, main vocalist

Festival performance this Friday at Yellow Wood University, 8 PM KST

A giddy grin spread on your lips as you looked at the social media post your company posted not even an hour ago. There were mainly positive comments, everyone excited to see you all live after listening to the debut album.

You debuted into Love Countdown just five months and your band was already getting love most bands would kill for.

Your music was certainly good but it did help most of your band mates were practically model material. Any type of fans were fine with you, even if all they cared about was one of your band mates abs.

The sound of the front door opening caught your attention as you exited out of Twitter and looked up. As with most groups, you lived in an apartment with your band mates. Lucky for you, your company wasn’t inhumane and forced six men to group in one small apartment.

You roomed with Junho and Young-Jae. While Dohyun, Yuki, and Won-Shik roomed together right next door.

“Hey, Hyung. You bought any dinner?” You asked, watching as Young-Jae only had to walk two steps to get into the kitchen. Hey, your company wasn’t that rich.

“Just pizza because I’m not buying your picky ass anything else ever again.” He said, placing it on the kitchen countertop. “Can’t believe you didn’t even attempt to eat the expensive Italian food I bought last time.”

“No one told you to buy me Italian food.” You rebutted, walking over to grab a slice.

“Ungrateful brat.”

“Love you too, Hyung.”

You grabbed two pizzas slices as Young-Jae put away the groceries he bought.

“Hey, is your violin tuned? Dohyun Hyung was on my ass because of what happened last time.”

Last time meaning you pulled out your violin to play a song from your album and it sounded like absolute shit. You were lucky the crowd found it cute and were just laughing as you hurriedly tried to tune the violin. The perks of being the cute maknae!

“Of course, I wouldn’t want Dohyun Hyung to spank you again.”

“He did not spank me, stop being weird.” Young-Jae rolled his eyes, reaching over to deliver a smack to the back your head. You cried out in pain as you glared at him.

“Do you know who else is playing at the festival? I didn’t pay attention when Manager Nayoung was talking.”

“Of course you didn’t. Mostly solo artists. I think a rock band is playing there… can’t remember their name. Starts… like uh…” Young-Jae sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Le..? No… Uh. Damn. It was something edgy.”

“Edgy?”

“Yeah. Their music is all rock and emo. The made the OST to that crime kdrama you watched. Seriously… their name isn’t long, why can’t I remember?”

“You’re getting old.”

Young-Jae looked up at you, his eyes narrowing. “Say that again?”

“What?”

“(Name)….”

“Hyung…”

You both stared at each other as a slight smirk pulled on your lips.

“You fucking……!”

“I’m home.”

The door opened just before Young-Jae could attack you. You shrieked and immediately ran to your savior, clinging to Junho. Junho was unfazed as he wrapped his free arm around your waist and tugged you close, closing the door with his foot.

“Pizza for dinner? Thanks.” Junho said, placing his bags down on the kitchen counter.

“Stop protecting that little shit, Hyung. I need to give him a spanking.” Young-Jae glared at you with a murderous intent in his eyes.

You giggled. “Oh~ so kinky Hyungie~! Should I pull my pants down?”

“You…!!!”

Junho maneuvered you away just as Young-Jae made an attempt to grab you. You wrapped your arm around Junho’s neck and grinned, sticking your tongue out at Young-Jae as a sign of victory.

“Hm, Junnie Hyung, do you know that emo band that’s playing at the festival this Friday?” You asked, looking up at Junho.

“Hm. Black Rose?”

Black Rose? Hm… Why did that sound familiar?

You were about to think more until your stomach growled.

Forget it. It’s probably nothing important anyway.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

“Looking good boys. Your first ever festival performance. Let’s do great okay?! Fighting!” Manager Nayoung said as she patted you on the back.

You gave her a smile as you glanced at yourself in the mirror. There were hearts drawn over your nose, almost like freckles. Being the maknae meant you usually got the more cutesy makeup compared to the others.

Dohyun was always… more naked compared to everyone else. You glanced over at your leader and couldn’t help but stare at his ass. He was wearing a crop top with no sleeves, a waist chain and sinfully tight leather pants. You were almost jealous of his abs but also wanted to touch them again.

Your eyes flickered over to Young-Jae and you almost laughed to see him unabashedly staring right at Dohyun’s ass. You sauntered over to him and smacked his head.

“Hey, are you trying to burn a hole through his pants?” You whispered, snickering as Young-Jae’s face practically turned red.

“Shut it!” He weakly retorted, turning his attention to the mirror to fix his dyed red hair. “I was just looking at his outfit. The stylists love putting him tight clothing. What if he’s uncomfortable?”

You hummed. “Dohyun Hyung!”

“Hey—!”

“Yes,” Dohyun looked up from the book he was reading, smiling over at you. He had red lipstick with dark eyeliner that brought out the blue colored contacts he wore. He’s lucky he’s handsome, blue contacts just freak you out.

“Are you uncomfortable in your pants?”

“Hm, no? I won’t be moving much anyway.” He answered. “Why?”

“Just asking!”

You turned back around to see a furious Young-Jae staring at you. You only giggled. “See? He’s fine. You’re just enjoying his ass.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, Hyungie~!”

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention as you turned back to see Yuki behind you. He was wearing a more tamed version of Dohyun’s outfit with lighter makeup. “Some snacks I stole from the staff table.” He handed you a chocolate bar, a bag of chips, and a soda.

“What about me?” Young-Jae asked.

“What about you? Love you, (Name).” Yuki patted you on the head before walking away to join Junho on the couch. Favoritism. You loved being the maknae.

You smirked. “Maybe try being cuter. Then your hyungs will want to take care of you.”

“I’m going to smother you in your sleep.”

“Kinky~!”

Young-Jae rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the mirror, fixing his collar. “I’m not even sure why we’re dressed like this. Our concept isn’t this dark.”

“It’s just for the event. Manager Nayoung was telling me that the event organizers wanted a darker theme.”

“Our songs are literally all about being in love and being happy. We have no emo or rock songs.”

“Stop complaining. At least they still wanted us. We’re first for a reason. We just need to get everyone upbeat.”

You glanced over at Young-Jae, taking in his outfit. It was similar to yours. A white lace shirt with black detailing. Basic black slacks with combat boots. Except he had a choker while you had a necklace. The hearts across your nose were red, brightening your face in comparison to the dark eyeliner.

Won-Shik and Junho had similar outfits as well, an inverse of yours and Young-Jae. You preferred the more colorful clothing you wore during your regular performances but it is what it is. As you flicked at a lint on your cheek, the door to the dressing room opened.

“You’re going to preform in twenty minutes, boys. Get going!”

As your band mates got ready to set up their instruments, you saw the next band come in to get dressed. And to your horror, a familiar face walked right in.

Kim Ye-Jun.

You felt your heart drop to your ass as you stared at him. He didn’t seem to notice you at first, busy directing his band mates to get dressed. It wasn’t until he turned around that he froze at the sight of you.

“Let’s go, (Name)-Ah.” Young-Jae said, grabbing your arm as he began to pull you out of the room. Your gaze was still locked on Ye-Jun before you quickly turned away, the memories of him flooding your brain.

That fucking dick. He’s in that band?!

Shit. You wanted to delete their OST off your playlist stat. Why were they even playing at such a small event, they weren’t mainstream by any means but they were big in the band scene.

“Violin tuned?” Dohyun suddenly asked as you assumed your position, fixing the mic to your height.

“Yea. It’s tuned…”

“You okay? You look like you saw a ghost.”

You wished he was a ghost.

“I’ll be fine. Just a little nervous.”

Dohyun took your word for it and simply patted you on the back, turning his attention back to his own mic. It only took a few minutes before the MC was announcing the band and the yells from the crowd increased.

You stood tall, clutching the guitar to your chest just as the lights shined on you all. Dohyun began his usual speech while you couldn’t help but smile at attention. A few girls were screaming your name!

Yuki tapped his drumsticks together before starting off the beat. You were only going to be performing five songs so you weren’t worried in the slightest. Of course you forgot you were the one that started this song off.

Despite the slight hiccup and Dohyun’s swift glare at you, you continued on, earning a few giggles from the crowd. As you played, you didn’t notice the pair of eyes watching you from the side of the stage.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

“You were great, boys! I think you gained some new fans,” Nayoung said, handing each of you a bottle water. “Go get changed and enjoy the rest of the festival! Do anything to get fans.”

Won-Shik smirked as he wrapped his arm around your neck, “anything?” You grinned, rolling your eyes.

“Absolute not! Get your mind out of the gutter!” Nayoung yelled, glaring at Won-Shik. “Yuki, watch him! I don’t want a scandal before you’re even a year old yet! Matter of fact, stick with one other person.”

Young-Jae groaned. “Guess I’m stuck with you,” he said, glaring at you.

You smirked before glancing over at Dohyun as he began wiping off his makeup. “Well… Dohyun Hyung!”

“What do you—!”

“—Can you pair with Jae Hyung? I wanna hang out with Junnie Hyung!”

“You little—!!!”

“—Sure. You okay with spending time with me Jae-Ah? I don’t think I’ll be much fun.” Dohyun laughed, turning over to face you and Young-Jae. His makeup was smudge now—lipstick off completely. His eyes resembling deer eyes by how round they were. Boba eyes, that’s what Won-Shik called them once.

Because of how perverted you were, you couldn’t help but imagine if that’s how he would look after having sex.

A quick glance at Young-Jae told you he was thinking the same thing.

“C..Course, Hyung!! You’re great, amazing even! I mean… you’re great to hang out with… Yeah… I’ll go change.” Young-Jae grabbed his duffle bag and quickly sprinted to the bathroom.

“What’s with him?”

You shrugged, “Dunno. Maybe he has diarrhea.”

“Oh no… I’ll get him some tea.” Dohyun said, taking you seriously. Before you could even tell him it was a joke he already left the dressing room. You sighed and rubbed the bridge of your nose. He was so weirdly naive sometimes.

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention as you looked over to see Junho smiling at you. “You gonna change or go out like that?” He was already changed—dressed in a black t-shirt with washed out jeans. His styled hair purposely brushed out, now just a brown mop on his head.

“No, I’ll change. Wait for me, Hyungie!” You blew him a kiss that he quickly caught, laughing.

You and Junho seamlessly blended into the crowd of college students as a the next band began to play. Black Rose had already played while you were getting undressed so you ended up missing it.

You tried to ignore the odd feeling in your stomach at the disappointment you weren’t fast enough. But you didn’t care! You didn’t…

Certainly not.

“Shots?” Junho suddenly asked, leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder. You hummed in agreement. He left and was quick to come back with two shots. About an hour passed on you just listening to each act perform before the DJ came out and everyone started dancing.

The cool October breeze made you shiver as you felt Junho wrap his arms around you. You grinned and turned around to press your chest against him. Junho was not only taller than you but muscular in comparison—having worked out religiously with Dohyun and Won-Shik.

He was warm so you eagerly pressed as close as possible against him, burying your face in his chest. Junho simply swayed to the upbeat noise music. If the music wasn’t there, people would’ve assumed you both were slow dancing to a ballad.

“Feed me a shot?” You suddenly asked, tilting your head back.

“What are you, a baby?”

“Yup, your baby.”

Junho simply hummed as he used his free hand to grab your face, keeping it still as he slowly tipped the plastic cup’s rim against your lips. You squeezed at his shirt as the cool liquid rushed down your throat, causing you the cough once you swallowed.

“Wow… again!” You laughed, ignoring the judgmental look Junho gave you.

“You’re so weird, (Name)-Ah. I’ll be back, stay right here.” His hand trailed down your waist before he pulled away, poking you on the cheek as he walked away. You hummed and swayed slightly, feeling a bit buzzed from the amount of shots you took by now.

You subconsciously began to whisper the lyrics to one of your songs when a hand wrapped itself around your wrist. The words couldn’t even leave your mouth before you’re tugged away from the crowd. You whined and was about to scream when one of the street lamps illuminated your attacker.

Kim Ye-Jun.

A groan left your lips, no longer feeling the need to put up a fight. At least it’s not a saesang.

Ye-Jun dragged you all the way back go where the dressing room was. You assumed he was going to drag you in there but he suddenly took a sharp left turn and pulled open the storage closet, shoving you inside. A gasp left your lips as you bumped into the wall, groaning in pain.

Your eyes felt heavy, especially with the bright ceiling light shining down on you. “Seriously..? I was about to get another shot!”

He didn’t say anything, his eyes narrowing at you.

You bristled, standing up straight. “What?! I’m of legal age, dick. Anyway, I need to go back before my friends start worrying about me.” You moved to push past him but he grabbed your shoulder and slammed you right back against the wall.

The force knocked you sober as you stared at Ye-Jun in shock. “What.. What the fuck is your problem?!”

“I thought you wanted to be an Idol.” Ye-Jun suddenly said.

You tilted your head. “Wha..? The company thought I fit the band aesthetic better. Besides, I can’t dance well anyway. Why do you even care? You could’ve asked me this in front of everyone else..”

Ye-Jun stared at you for a moment, as if he was thinking about what to say. You took the moment to really take him in. He was taller than you, his buzz cut had grown out from university, though still short and spiky. A worn out leather jacket with a wife beater. Leather pants that hugged his thighs. Wow, he was working out.

You shook your head. Nope, you weren’t about to fall back into his arms. “Well, if you’re just gonna stare at me, you can follow our band’s instagram. I post on there. It’s TheRealLoveCountdown.”

A bitter laugh left Ye-Jun just as you were about to push him. You wanted to ask what’s his problem was when he surged forward and slammed his lips against yours. A strangled gasp left you and your hands quickly moved to push him away. But he was stronger, grabbing your wrists as he slammed them against the wall.

He kissed you hungrily, pressing his crotch against yours. You couldn’t help the soft moans that left your throat as he bit your lip. The pain sent a shockwave through your spine. His hands released your wrists and shoved themselves into your jeans.

“Kim Ye-Jun!” You managed to stutter out as you pulled away from the kiss. He paid you no mind, grabbing a fist full of your ass. An embarrassing whine left your lips as finger teased your hole.

“Why are you speaking respectfully?”

“Aren’t you my seonbae now? You debuted first.”

Ye-Jun looked down at you, his grip tightening on your ass. “Seonbae? I told you to call me Hyung.”

“You lost that privilege, Seonbae. We aren’t friends.”

“Mhm,” Ye-Jun hummed. “Yeah, you weren’t ever a friend. You’re mine.”

You shivered and felt your hips buck against his, your bulge rubbing against his own. Ye-Jun smirked as he pulled you, hands gripping your waist, as he turned you around. A grunt left you as you’re pushed against the wall.

The feeling of cool air touches your lower half before you can even complain. He pulled your fucking pants down. You gasped as he pried your ass open and you felt a puff of air tease your hole.

“You… Yah, what the hell do you think you’re doing, bastard?!”

The air stilled in the closet as your lips pressed into a tight thin line. Oh god. You really said that.

“Sae…kki…ya?” Ye-Jun whispered, his grip loosening on your skin. You were grateful that your back was facing him so you couldn’t see the face he must be making.

Young-Jae was right. You really needed to work on having a filter.

“I’m a son of a bitch? I’ll fucking show you a son of a bitch, Cho (Name).”

It was silent for a moment—you almost believed Ye-Jun was getting ready to leave when you felt two fingers shove themselves inside your hole. The fingers were slick so it wasn’t in there dry but the intrusions felt like it was the worst thing you could ever experience.

Ye-Jun waited for a moment before slowing flexing his index and pointer finger inside. You grunted and gripped at the wall for some type of purpose. What the hell was he looking for?

A guttural scream left your throat as his fingers rub against your prostate. You whimpered, rubbing your thighs together as you looked behind to try and get a look at Ye-Jun.

His head was down so you could only see his hair. He patted your ass before leaning forward and pressing his lips against your right ass cheek. It felt oddly sweet—it almost made you short circuit.

Until you felt teeth sinking into your skin.

“Fuck!” You cried out, pressing your head against the wall as his fingers began to repeatedly press against your prostate. His teeth felt sharp on your skin as if he was biting to break skin.

Ye-Jun didn’t allow you to breathe or take in the pleasure, pumping his fingers to attack and abuse your prostate. He moved to your left ass cheek and left a matching bite mark—you were sure that one broke skin.

You weren’t even sure how long it had been. Your legs were shaky as you had to use your hands to keep yourself help. The leaking from your dejectedly cock made you whimper at being unable to bring yourself to true pleasure.

There were bite marks not just on your ass but on your thighs. You had weakly tried to keep him off but he easily stopped you with a painfully slow rub against your prostate that sent you into a frenzy.

It was building—the tell tale sign of you reaching your peak. Your toes curled as you hiccuped. You didn’t even notice you were crying.

Just as you felt the orgasm coming to its peak… Ye-Jun pulled away.

You whined, looking back at him in shock as he wiped his fingers on your t-shirt. He looked unbothered as he fixed his clothes. His eyes flickered over to you when you made another pathetic whine to get his attention. It almost hurt to talk. He only smirked.

“You can take care of the rest, right?” He asked, his lips moving into a slight snarl as his eyes narrowed. “Or maybe call that band mate of yours. You were practically on his dick earlier.”

Your eyes widen as you watched him leave, slamming the door shut behind him. You slid down the wall and could only just sit there in pure shock.

The dryness of your throat was beginning to affect you as you reached down to pull your boxers up.

You just wanted to go home.

❝ 목이 메어 ❞

It had been two weeks since the “incident” and you had made a clear effort to never listen to Black Rose. You blocked them everywhere—going as far as to block them on your other members phones as well.

Yuki and Won-Shik didn’t seem to care that much.

Young-Jae called you insane.

While Junho and Dohyun were the only two that seemed worried about your behavior.

Which led to now. You were curled up on Dohyun’s bed as he sat at his desk, working on some lyrics for your comeback that was four months away. He always liked getting ahead in work. The band wouldn’t start recording until December. It was only November 3rd.

The lyrics were technically done and approved by the company but Dohyun was always a perfectionist so everyone had let him be at this point.

Junho was beside you on the bed, occasionally giving Dohyun some of his opinions on the lyrics.

This album was going to be more ballad heavy. Focusing solely on heartbreak and toxic relationships. You almost scoffed to yourself.

You had so many lyrics you wanted to put but knew they would end up being too personal so you kept them in your journal for safe keeping.

“Oh, we’re trending on Twitter…” Junho suddenly said, earning both yours and Dohyun’s attention.

“What? What did we do?” Dohyun questioned, quickly moving to sit on the bed. You sat up and curled close to Junho, worried that someone on a random forum made an insane rumor that the Korean netizens would eat up in a heartbeat.

“Oh, it’s mainly (Name)-Ah and that guy from Black Rose.”

Your heart dropped to your ass. “W..Why?!”

Junho glanced down at you curiously before showing you a Twitter post that had almost 20k likes. He soon clicked on the link of the forum posts that was talking about it.

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑4599 ↓235)

↳ guys, have yall seen who’s been liking (Name)’s posts on Instagram??

Below the text was a collage of your Instagram posts on the band’s account. You and Yuki were the only ones that really posted selfies religiously. But it wasn’t the pictures that caught people’s attention.

No it was the fact that the account that seemed to like every single one of your selfies was no other than fucking Kim Ye-Jun.

You balked. You didn’t think he had a public Instagram account that didn’t belong to the company. Fuck, you should’ve checked!!! Of course an older group had more freedom than your own.

You couldn’t even try to assume it was someone else. The next reply to the post was someone clicking on the account and lo and behold, Ye-Jun’s face showed up in the accounts posts.

They even showed that the official band account was following him—as well as his other band members.

Yeah… that was him.

@BRkim_yejun — 589k followers, 6 following

The video checked his following and he was even following the band’s account. You groaned, rubbing the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

“He likes Yuki’s posts too right..? It’s not just me!” You muttered, scrolling to see the other accounts.

@junhoswhore (↑239 ↓26)

↳ if (Name) was a girl, netizens would’ve started a dating rumor ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@jaesflatass (↑102 ↓34)

↳ he doesn’t even likes Yuki’s posts. He wants him so bad ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@yukiwukii (↑20 ↓2)

↳ aren’t they alumnis from the same university??

@lovewonshiik (↑1020 ↓125)

↳ girl they’re college dropouts ㅋㅋㅋ

@_loveandfear (↑409 ↓89)

↳ Ye-Jun doesn’t even like his own members posts. He must really like Cho (Name). I wanna see them interact!!

@freakfundashi (↑2987 ↓3082)

↳ I wanna see them fuck on stage

“Okay that’s enough.” Dohyun suddenly said, grabbing Junho phone as he exited out of the forum. “You shouldn’t pay attention to them. They’re just weirdos. What does ‘Dohyun got a fatty’ even mean?”

Junho glanced over at you. You both tried to hold in your laughter.

“I’m not sure, Hyung. I can ask around.”

Dohyun shook his head. “I don’t think I even want to know. Anyway, do you know Kim Ye-Jun, (Name)-Ah? He seems to know you.”

“Yeah, why would you block the Black Rose account if you know him? You aren’t friends?”

You blushed slightly as you tried to come up with an excuse. “We.. we did go to the same college but I dropped out to pursue music. I lost contact with him after that! I wouldn’t even say we were friends.. we were just both music majors!”

Junho and Dohyun didn’t seem too convinced but they got the message that this was all you were going to tell them at the moment.

“If you do feel uncomfortable around him, I can block him, y’know? I want my maknae to be comfortable.” Junho said, leaning over to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch and hummed in appreciation.

Ye-Jun’s words suddenly got to you. The hyung he was talking about had to be Junho. But you don’t remember ever being on his “dick.” You didn’t like Junho romantically. Besides, you were pretty sure him and Yuki had something going on despite their attempts of being discrete.

Won-Shik seemed to be the resident straight man of the band.

“Manager Nayoung can always speak to Black Rose’s manager and make them get Ye-Jun to back off as well. Just tell us, alright?” Dohyun said, rubbing your head.

You gave him a grin that wasn’t forced and cuddled closer to Junho’s touch. Ye-Jun would probably back off sooner or later. It wasn’t like you would have to see him again any time soon.

Oh how wrong you were.

❝ 매달려 봤는데 상처 발더러고 ❞

The memory is hazy by now, but you still remember the exact date, time, and weather when you first met Kim Ye-Jun.

November 3rd, 20XX. 5:30 pm. Heavy rain and scattered thunderstorms.

You had just came from school, wanting to just plop down on bed and cry. Your future uncertain with your parents refusal to allow you to try out at a company to pursue your dreams on being a musician.

Your umbrella was big, a bit hard to hold upright because of how old it was. There was a hole in it that allowed small drops of rain to drip on your shoulder. You couldn’t even afford to pay for a new one. The wind suddenly picked up just as you were getting to cross the street.

“Shit…!” Your grip loosened as the wind folded your umbrella upwards. It slipped from your grip and twirled across the crosswalk. You made the step to run after it until a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you right back onto the curb.

A car breezed past you, splashing water over you and your savior. You coughed as the savior pressed you against their chest. They were saying something but it wasn’t hard to hear anything in the heavy rain.

You looked up, pushing away the wet hair that clung to your face. There he was: Kim Ye-Jun. A shaved head while dressed in a Korean military uniform. He looked young but you knew lots of boys your age that were going to do their Korean service before college to get it over with.

The first meeting hardly meant anything to Kim Ye-Jun while it meant everything to you. He released his grip on your waist and bent down to grab your backpack, handing it over to you.

Before you could even say anything else, he handed over his umbrella. You tried to refuse but he forced your hand open and wrapped it around the handle. You watched with wide eyes as he reached up and wiped something off your face before pulling away.

You were so happy that the rain hid the fact you were crying just a few minutes earlier. But judging by the soft smile he gave you, your red eyes must’ve given it away.

Your eyes flickered to his name tag just as he was leaving, sprinting away to what you assumed was the nearby convenience store.

❝ 김예준 ❞

You would see him again at your college welcoming party. He was also a freshman just like you despite being twenty years old. A few freshman teased him about it while he just laughed it off, saying they’re gonna wish they got their service over with.

You didn’t originally want to seek him out, worried he wouldn’t even remember you. But he ended up speaking to you first. Those first nine months you spent with him almost felt like a dream.

He wasn’t your first kiss but he was your first boyfriend, your first time, the first boy you believed you could spend a lifetime with.

But it seemed you were the only one who thought that.

“Cho (Name)? Is he your boyfriend or something? He’s so clingy with you.”

“I don’t know how you do it! He acts so childish, it’s gross. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you need to act like a fag. I’m gay and I act fucking normal.”

“Does he even know about the band you got accepted in? Whenever I see you guys interact, it’s literally all about him! He hardly lets you speak.”

You expected Ye-Jun to say something in your defense.

“Yeah… He’s clingy. I didn’t expect him to be when we started hanging out.”

“—Hanging out? You’re not even dating him? You’re fuck buddies?”

“Well it’s only been nine months. We’ve only been fucking. He just whines a lot about his parents before I can even talk. The only way he stops is when we fuck.”

“Really? Why do you even keep him around?”

“Nine months is a long time, haha. It has to be sex, right??”

“He makes me feel good about myself. Plus he is cute despite how annoying he can be—”

“—How is he in bed? Whiny? Bet he’s a slut—”

You couldn’t take it anymore, walking away from the wall as you rubbed at your face. Fuck buddies. You were Kim Ye-Jun’s fuck buddy.

A bitter laugh left you as you pulled your phone, opening website you were on earlier. It was auditions for a new company. If Ye-Jun thought all you did was complain, you would show him you have drive.

You blocked his number and signed up for the audition, dropping out of school the next week. Your parents disowned you but you pushed through, staying at your aunt’s before you got the acceptance call.

It’s just a shame you had to see him again after four years.

ཆི❤︎ཆྀ

‘ COMEBACK ’ 러브카운다운 - Love’s Fool

After an intense music video recording, it was released three hours ago. It was your groups first comeback so to say you were nervous was an understatement. The music video was different from the debut’s sunshine and happy vibes from the single debut album.

This 1st mini album, named after the title track, was darker and certainly more depressing. Though it seemed the fans were eating it up. A few even saying they cried to the song.

You straightened your back as the hair stylist pulled at your hair. It was the first performance at a music show. Online so many fans were staying they were going to get the band its first music show win so you couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought.

Switching the phone onto the camera, you held it up and smiled, taking a few pictures. You immediately posted them onto Instagram, choosing the ones where you looked the cutest. It was only a second before the first like came in.

@BRkim_yejun liked your post

You almost threw your phone. But that wasn’t the worst. He actually commented. In the past three months that’s he’s been religiously liking your posts, and only yours, he’s never commented on it.

@BRkim_yejun commented : 귀여워, 자기야… 셀키 더 찍어 주세요… 뽀뽀하고 싶어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Kiss?? You almost passed out as you reread his comment over and over again. You couldn’t believe he was asking for more selfies! You’re just happy he didn’t use “키스” as that would’ve been too romantic. But the nerve to call you jagiya was pissing you off. You haven’t been his baby in few years now!

@TheRealLoveCountdown responded : 꺼져

Sure, it’s petty to tell him to go away but you weren’t feeling generous to be nice right now. You turned off your phone and placed it on the table in front of you. The hair stylist had finally finished your hair as she walked away. Dohyun came up to you, smiling slightly.

“(Name)-Ah, you okay? That’s the first time he commented on your post right?”

“Yeah… But it’s fine, I told him to go away. Maybe he’ll listen.”

Dohyun only chuckled in response. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around you as he rubbed his cheek against yours. You giggled and basked in his warmth, sighing in relief.

But you couldn’t stop your mind from wandering about how Ye-Jun used to hug you just like this. Especially when you were slaving away on your assignments and he wanted you to take a break.

He’d press kisses on your neck before your cheek, inching close to your lips before pressing a wet slobbery kiss on your lips. Because that would always disgust you and make you chase after him to deliver another wet slobbery dog kiss on his cheeks.

Then he’d always hug you close on the couch and force you to watch tv. He’d always get you. And you’d always fall asleep in his arms.

“Are you method acting again? No one’s expecting us to cry on stage, dumbass.”

You flinched as a napkin taps at the edge of your eyes. You glanced over to see Young-Jae gently dapping the tears away before they have the chance to fall and ruin your makeup. Dohyun just tightens his hug and comfortingly rubbed your shoulders before pulling away.

“Thanks, Hyungie~!” You grinned, moving to pull Young-Jae into a hug that he swiftly dodged.

“You’re not messing up my outfit! Stay back!”

“Hyung… I want to hug you!!! Come here!!”

“Stay back, Cho (Name)!!!”

The performance was great if you had to toot your own horn. This was one of the first songs that you played the violin for entirely—the other time it was sort of a gimmick. You even had a violin solo with Junho’s keyboard.

Now it was wining down time. You took another selfie, even one with Won-Shik and Young-Jae. Young-Jae practically never posted so you usually forced him to join your selfies for his starving fans.

You tried to ignore the weird feeling in your heart when Ye-Jun didn’t immediately like your post. You didn’t care! Nope… You did not.

But you didn’t stop yourself as you typed in the Black Rose Instagram to check the account. You had unblocked a month ago at the request of Nayoung since it looked weird on your part when there’s no history between you and the band.

There wasn’t much pictures beside promotional material. Photos for their comeback. It was only five members, Ye-Jun as the leader but he wasn’t the oldest. You wondered if this was the band he was talking about back then.

@TheBlackRose

(블랙로즈) 4.9M Followers 6 Following

Six following? You clicked on it and sat up straight on the couch to see that the account was following Love Countdown! Though the fact they were so close to five million followers shocked you. They really were popular. Love Countdown only reached 320k followers just recently.

Did Ye-Jun make the account follow you? You tried to push away the giddy feeling in your chest. Deciding you had nothing to lose, you checked the band members account.

@BRpark_shion

(박시온) 518k Followers 5 following

@BRim_roha

(임로하) 538k followers 6 following

@BRseo_minji

(서민지) 515k followers 5 following

@BRhwang_hanbin

(황한빈) 529k followers 5 following

“Roha..?” You muttered, confused on why he was following the account as well.

“Who’s Roha?”

You jumped, looking up to see Yuki sitting down beside you. “Yuki Hyung! Ah.. I was just..”

“Snooping?” He chuckled, leaning over. “Im Roha? Oh, he’s cute.”

“Who’s cute?!” Junho suddenly asked, turning his head abruptly from his phone. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re cuter, Junnie.” Yuki placated, snickering. “Very Kawaii.”

“Oh! Yuki, can you still teach me Japanese? I want to be confident in my pronunciation for our Japanese debut!” You asked, subtly trying to change the conversation.

“Yea.” He said, pushing back his overgrown bangs. “But I still want to know what you’re doing. I thought you hated Black Rose.”

“I do! I really hate them…”

“Or do you hate Kim Ye-Jun? Did he do something to you?”

You frowned. The word hate next to Ye-Jun’s name made you upset. Despite everything, you couldn’t hate him. Fuck, you were pathetic.

“He just… We just ended things badly. But it’s mostly my own fault. I thought we were something special—he didn’t think the same.”

Yuki blinked for a moment as if he was taking in your words. “Oh. You dated him?”

“Wha?! How’d you?!”

“What else could you have meant?” Yuki chuckled. “Do you wanna stay at Hyung’s tonight? We can have a movie marathon.”

You grinned, nodding your head. “Mhm. I would like that.”

The door to the dressing room opened as the next group to preform came in. Dohyun and the others had already gotten ready to leave so they moved to the side so the group could get ready. Much to your shock, it was the Black Rose.

Your eyes stopped on Roha. He was tall, slim, with dyed purple hair. Your body flinched when his eyes fell on yours and a grin pulled on his lips as he waved to you.

Roha looked so familiar but you just couldn’t put your finger on it. Was he from your university? It’s been five years at this point. You shook your head, deciding it wasn’t important.

You grabbed your bag and stood up, looking over at Junho. The others were already leaving.

“Junnie Hyung—”

“—Yes?”

“—Yeah?”

Your body froze as a voice was heard behind you. Junho looked up confused at who else would answer to your call. You didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. Before Junho, you had called someone else “Junnie Hyung.”

Yeah, Kim Ye-Jun.

“You call him my name?” Ye-Jun suddenly said, walking right up in front of you. Your eyes quickly looked down. Embarrassment swirled in your stomach as you felt Junho’s and Ye-Jun’s eyes on you as they waited for you to speak.

You took a deep breath and managed to look up at him. “Yeah… he’s my hyung.. and his name is Junho. So, Junnie Hyung. You’re not the only man named Jun.”

Ye-Jun laughed, a smirk playing on his lips. “I don’t remember allowing you to do that. His name is Junho, yeah? So call him Junho Hyung.”

“Uhm,” Junho muttered, a look of confusion on his face. His brows furrowed as his lips pulled into a frown. “I don’t like how you’re speaking to my dongsaeng.”

“Dongsaeng?” Ye-Jun tilted his head before turning his attention back over to you. “Cute. That’s real cute. (Name)-Ah, my number hasn’t changed. I’ll be waiting, Jagiya.”

He gave a slight nod at Junho before walking away to join his members to get his hair and makeup down. Junho looked more confused than angry as he glanced over at you.

“Jagiya?”

You blushed. “He’s just.. teasing me! Yeah.. he didn’t mean it.”

A tap on your shoulder caught your attention. You looked over to see Roha grinning at you.

“(Name), my number is the same as well, okay? Talk to you later.” Roha lovingly patted your head before walking away.

Junho blinked. “Wow. I thought you didn’t know anyone in Black Rose.”

“Me neither…”

You were so fucking screwed.

Why was your heart beating so fast?

❝ 진지하진 않잖아 가벼운 간보기잖아 ❞

You unblocked him. Mainly because you had no back bone. You laid on Yuki’s bed, wondering if you should text first. Yuki had some Jpop song playing as he folded up his laundry. He had dumped it on his bed a few days ago but didn’t really do it until you were now gonna stay the night.

“Is it normal to still have feelings for your ex..? Oh well, ex fuck buddy.”

“Yeah. If you really loved him.” Yuki said, muttering something to himself in Japanese before putting away the last of his clothes. He turned off his music and sat down on the bed.

You frowned and sat up. “I’m so confused. He hurt me. He.. He said I complained too much. I was clingy… I didn’t let him speak in our relationship. Said I only shut up when he fucked me…”

“Maybe he was right. Maybe you weren’t the best boyfriend.”

“What?”

Yuki gave you a small smile. “Even if you weren’t, he should’ve talked to you. He should’ve told you instead of bad mouth you to your friends. And.. maybe you should’ve spoken to him about how you were feeling instead of just ghosting him.”

“I… Well he embarrassed me in front of his friends.”

“He was wrong for that. But how can a relationship work if you let one problem ruin it?”

You frowned. Yuki was making sense and you didn’t necessarily want that right now.

“You don’t have to get back with him. He did hurt you. Not everyone can forgive something like that. But how old were you when you dated him?”

“Eighteen…”

“First ever relationship?”

“Mhm…”

“Well, I hope in those five years you know that you can’t just go silent during a relationship problem. You had the right to cuss him out but to also see if you could fix the problem he was feeling.”

“Man… I was hoping you would’ve just let me complain. I didn’t want this philosophical shit.”

Yuki grinned. “You should’ve went to Won-Shik Hyung if you wanted to complain. Do you want to text him?”

You glanced over at your phone, sighing. “Maybe.. But he was acting really weird before we left. He got mad at Junho Hyung because I called him Junnie Hyung.”

Yuki smirked. “He’s just jealous. Then he really does still like you. Wah, you have yourself a possessive boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You whined, biting your lip.

“He probably doesn’t think that way. I’ll pick the movie while you text your honey.”

You glared at Yuki but still grabbed your phone, staring at the contact of Kim Ye-Jun. It still had a heart on the name. The name proudly written in as “주니형.” You exited out of his contact and went to look at the other blocked numbers you had. It was mostly spam until a familiar named showed up.

Im Suyoung.

Im…

A gasp left your lips. Suyoung was Ye-Jin’s friend, they were practically brothers. You had gotten close to Suyoung by association but soon felt as if he was the big brother you never had. There was a distant memory you had when he said he wanted to change his name to something cooler.

Roha.

Ah. You unblocked his number and saw the loads of messages that didn’t end up going through to you. It had stopped four years ago. But before, it was loads of them asking where you were, if you’re okay, if something had happened to you.

The last message made you laugh at how stupid it was.

↳ Ye-Jun’s worried. He’s going crazy over a nine month relationship, what did you do to him? ㅎㅎ He’s gonna find you one day, (Name)-Ah, be ready.

Find you? Be ready? What the hell was Ye-Jun gonna do to you? You were mainly shocked that he was even going crazy over you being gone. Why would he care when he himself said you were “hanging out?”

You sighed, sending a quick message to Roha to tell him he’s unblocked. Your fingers moved on their own and you found yourself on Ye-Jun’s contact. The profile picture was of him and you, faces pressed together as you grinned at the camera while Ye-Jun looked as if he was mid grimace, eyes squeezed shut from the flash.

You scrolled up to five years ago, to the day you had blocked him. It was tamed for a moment until Ye-Jun seemed to notice his texts weren’t going through.

It was panic after that. Multiple texts with spams if you’re dead, if you’re okay, that he’s freaking out. You couldn’t help but laugh. It felt surreal to see this side of him. After a few months, he only kept sending hello, as if checking everyday to see when you’d unblock him.

A few times he’d type a message. Asking if you ate, if you’re doing okay wherever you are. The next year, he started sending pictures. It was of him and the band. He was talking about how nervous he was being the leader.

Ye-Jun never took selfies, he hated pictures which was why most pictures of him he had a grimace or frown.

But the ones he was sending you, he smiled. Well, as best as he could. It looked forced but you still felt giddy that he was trying.

You scrolled through the messages until finding one on the day of the festival at the university.

↳ you didn’t move on, right? You wouldn’t move on, Jagiya… put cream on the bite marks, I don’t want you to scar. Don’t get so close to that bean pole with the fried hair again, okay? It made me upset ㅠㅠ

↳ you know how to piss me off, Jagi. I wanna keep you locked up so you won’t ever run away from me again. Hah, Love Countdown is a cute name. I wish I went to your debut performance. I think I’m insane at this point, Jagi. Nine month relationship and I’m acting like this ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

↳ it’s weird, I liked seeing you cry. Back then, when that bastard called you a slut I almost killed him ㅋㅋ … I like putting you in your place. If it’s just an act, it’s okay right?

“Back then… Did he… Did he defend me after I left?” You whispered, shame suddenly rose in your heart.

“Hm?” Yuki asked, looking back over at you.

“Nothing… Nothing. Did you find the movie?”

“Not yet.”

You scrolled down, the rest of the messages going back to being little tidbits on his day to date life. It wasn’t until you made it to today that you tried to read what he sent.

↳ Junnie Hyung to another man? Jagi, are you trying to piss me off??? I’ve been staying calm these past for months when all I’ve wanted to do was drag you home and punish you for abandoning me for five years

↳ don’t do that again… you are always mine, no man should be touching you again like he did. I don’t know what made you leave me, but I hope you know I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again

↳ …Those pants you wore on stage were nice. can you buy your own pair, Jagiya? I wanna tear them off you.

↳ you unblocked me?

A gasp left your lips. What the fuck? How did he already know that? You watched as he began typing, the three dots causing unnecessary panic in your heart.

↳ Did you eat?

Huh? You waited to see if he’d send anything else but he didn’t. It took a moment but you soon replied with a sort yes. The anxiety was building within you and you wanted to just block him again. But your heart wanted him back. Even if the messages he was sending you were insane to the normal person.

It was radio silence before he sent a picture.

It was of him in what you could assume was his bedroom. He was lying on his bed and an LED light illuminated his face. His hair messy while a slight smile pulled on his lips. You couldn’t help but smile.

You wanted to ask about that day. If maybe after you left, he realized he wanted you. That maybe he just didn’t know how to word his feelings properly.

But you felt as if it would be better in person. So, you did what you thought was the best response. You sent a selfie to him, making sure to smile.

It didn’t even take a minute before he started sending hearts. He usually never reacted like this before whenever you sent selfies. Did he change when you were gone?

Roha was right. He did go insane when you left him.

“Found the movie. You better leave before you even think about sexting him.” Yuki suddenly said, laying down on the bed.

You blushed. “What?! I wasn’t going to sext him!!”

Though you were feeling giddy at the thought of being close to him again. You couldn’t help but feel a bit worried about how… odd Ye-Jun was acting.

He really did change. And you weren’t sure if it was for the better.

❝ 이러면 안 되는데 머리론 아는데 ❞

It had only been a week and you had kept a small conversation going with Ye-Jun—he texted you every morning and night. He was more confident as well. Leading to the incident that happened a few days ago.

Black Rose had won on the fan voting for the music show win. Everyone on stage was clapping as Black Rose came to the center to grab the reward. You and your band mates were close so you were right in arms reach when Ye-Jun came over to you.

“Thanks to all of our fans for voting. I’m happy I get to make my dongsaeng proud with our twentieth music show win on our four year anniversary.” Ye-Jun said, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you close.

He kept his attention on the camera recording him. “Please send some love to my dongsaeng’s group, Love Countdown!” He squeezed you tightly before pressing a quick peck on your cheek, earning yells from the crowd.

Your band mates, and Black Rose themselves, looked absolutely shocked to say the least.

Including Korean forums not even a day later.

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑645 ↓320)

↳ dongsaeng my ass.. they fucking ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@jaesflatass (↑236 ↓67)

↳ he wanted to call him Jagiya so bad…

@junhoswhore (↑127 ↓378)

↳ I know skinship is normal but I’ve never wanted to kiss my homies

@_loveandfear (↑564 ↓24)

↳ you not a real homie then. I love kissing my boys good night. Tongue action too

@yukiwukii (↑764 ↓203)

↳ he’s so gay, i wanna call him the f slur ㅠㅠ

@lovewonshiik (↑389 ↓27)

↳ college drop out and gay, pick a struggle ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

@freakfundashi (↑386 ↓867)

↳ everyday I get closer to seeing Cho (Name) get creampied on stage

@_Dohyungotafatty (↑433 ↓189)

↳ you’re insane ㅎㅎ but Cho (Name) is definitely the bottom

@jaesflatass (↑330 ↓219)

↳ Kim Ye-Jun makes Cho (Name) bounce on his cock… wonder if it’s big ㅎㅎㅎ

@freakyfundashi (↑3980 ↓340)

↳ I have fanfics of them on AO3. Here’s my username ******

“Is Kim Ye-Jun your boyfriend or something? He keeps commenting on your posts.” Young-Jae asked, sitting down beside you on the couch. You glanced up from your phone and shook your head, blushing slightly.

“What are you even talking about? Kim Ye-Jun is just my seonbae. Don’t be so rude, Hyung.”

“Rude? Look at this.” Young-Jae pulled up on your more recent selfies, one you literally took not even an hour ago. It was of you in the fitting room, getting dressed in a fluffy white sweater and white trousers.

Today the band was doing a photoshoot for your upcoming Japanese debut.

@BRkim_yejun commented : 나는 너를 먹고 싶어…!! 왜 그렇개 귀여워? ㄷㄷ

“Dude, he likes you. He literally called you cute,” Young-Jae said, shaking his head. “If you were a girl, knets would’ve exploded with dating rumors already.”

@BRim_roha replied : 죽을래, ��끼야!!! GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND PICK UP THE PEN!!!

@BRpark_shion replied : 떨 떨?? I’ll give you something to tremble about

@BRseo_minji replied : IM GETTING MY ASS BEAT BECAUSE YOU WANNA GET YOUR DICK WET?!?

@BRhwang_hanbin replied : don’t you guys think you’re as weird as him for spamming the Instagram account? Everyone can see this, you stupid fucks.

Young-Jae looked over at you. “His band mates are as equally as insane. They deserve each other.” He turned off his phone and placed it on the coffee table in front of you both.

You only forced a tight grin. “They’re just eccentric people. Though Roha Hyung wasn’t like this back in university.”

“Hyung? You call Im Roha Hyung but not Kim Ye-Jun? Special treatment.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I heard that.”

You and Young-Jae sat up straight as Dohyun walked over to you both. He shook his head in disapproval before pulling out his phone. Your gaze flickered over to Young-Jae to see him ogling Dohyun. It wasn’t shocking. Dohyun was in a cropped t shirt once again with tight jeans.

Someone on the stylist team wanted to fuck Dohyun so bad at this point.

“Anyway,” Dohyun muttered, frowning at a text message he read before turning his attention over to you and Young-Jae. “The company is holding a birthday party after this for Manager Nayoung. Make sure to come.”

You gave him a quick thumbs up, “course, Hyungie~!”

“Yeah I’ll be there.” Young-Jae muttered.

“To stare at your ass.” You coughed out, earning a swift glare from Young-Jae.

Dohyun raised an eyebrow. “Stare at my slacks? When did you start using the work slacks, Jae-Ah? I can give you the website I buy them from.” He said, smiling.

Young-Jae sighed. “Sure…”

You gave a comforting pat on Young-Jae’s shoulder. Poor guy.

Party. You couldn’t help but briefly wonder if he’d be there…

❝ 거기 멈춰 줄래 빠지기 싫어 싫어 싫어 ❞

The party, of course, was nothing big. Manager Nayoung had asked for something small and chill. So the DJ was playing more 90s and 2000s Kpop. You were glued to Young-Jae for the most part until he got too drunk, somehow, and had to be taken home by Dohyun.

Won-Shik was being weirdly flirty with the older female staff who were enjoying his attention.

Yuki was somewhere, you remembered him saying he wanted to speak to someone.

That just left you and Junho together. You leaned closer to him and sighed, glancing up at him. Junho was staring straight ahead, watching the older people dance as much as their bones could handle before his eyes flickered down to you.

A soft smile spread on his lips. “Enjoying the party?”

“It’s cool.” You giggled. “I know how old people party now.”

“Hey, don’t judge. This is gonna be you in a couple of years. Just you wait.”

You snuggled closer and hummed, reaching up to wipe something off Junho’s cheek. Junho leaned in closer so you didn’t have to stand up on your toes to reach him. It was only a second, just a split second to where it almost looked like you kissed him when an hand grabbed your arm.

A shocked wince left your throat as you looked over to see who your aggressor was.

“Kim Ye-Jun? You were invited?” Junho asked, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of him.

Ye-Jun’s upper lip was pulled into a snarl as he glared at Junho but turned his attention over to you. “What did I tell you, Cho (Name)? Did you forget?”

“What..? I’m just talking to Junnie Hyung…?” You whispered, glad that you were all in the corner of the party so no eyes could see this altercation.

“Excuse me?” Ye-Jun tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he leaned close to you. His hand tightened its grip on your arm. You felt an odd sense of dread as you shut your mouth, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Junho reached over and grabbed your free arm, tugging you back over. “Yah, I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m not going to allow you to manhandle my dongsaeng. Speak to him nicely.”

“Who I think I am?” Ye-Jun turned his attention over to Junho, standing up tall to look straight in the eye. Junho was only two inches taller than Ye-Jun but was carrying more muscle mass in comparison.

It wasn’t even that Ye-Jun didn’t have muscle. Junho was just a bit too buff for his own good.

You knew deep down in your heart Junho would certainly win the fight but judging by how unhinged Ye-Jun has been… you wouldn’t put it past him to act dirty.

“Junho Hyung…” You whispered, catching his attention. “It’s okay… I’ll talk to him in private.”

“I don’t think it’s smart to be alone with him.”

Ye-Jun scoffed. “Why? And you’re safer?”

“Yeah, I am. You haven’t been in his life for five years and only had him for nine months. What claim do you really have over him, Kim Ye-Jun? Do you really know him? Do you know Cho (Name)?”

You balked, wondering how Junho knew that but realized Yuki must’ve mentioned it in passing. It makes sense, Yuki told Junho everything. You should’ve been a bit angry at that but couldn’t help but be happy that Junho was indirectly speaking what you felt deep down inside.

Why was Ye-Jun so set on keeping you as if you’d known him for years?

Ye-Jun’s jaw clinched. “I know how it feels to be without him.” You looked over at him as he tightened his grip on your arm. “And I’m not going through that again.”

“You’re being pretty selfish, Kim Ye-Jun. Did you not even make him your boyfriend? You only realized how much you came to love him when he left?” Junho released your arm, frowning slightly.

“I am selfish. I never said I wasn’t. I want him for myself. It just took for him daring to leave me to truly realize that I can’t be without him.”

“Uhm.” You squeaked out, causing the two men to look down at you. Gosh, it felt so awkward being shorter than them that you only reached their chests. “I’ll be okay… Just let me talk to him so we can resolve our issue.”

Junho sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Okay. You’re an adult. Call me if he does anything.”

You glanced over at Ye-Jun, seeing a slight smirk tugging on his lips. Can’t have him think you’re crawling back so easily.

“Thanks, Junnie Hyung!” You grinned, enjoying the sight of Ye-Jun’s smirk dropping in a millisecond. “I’ll have you on speed dial!”

Once you got the okay from Junho, Ye-Jun practically dragged you out of the building. You waved goodbye to Junho before trying to make Ye-Jun slow down.

Maybe Junho is right.

Kim Ye-Jun doesn’t seem safe in the slightest

❝ 단지 너의 외로움을 단래긴 싫거든 ❞

“A hotel? What? Am I not worthy enough to enter your home?” You laughed, allowing Ye-Jun to push you inside the hotel room. The room was fancier than anything you were used to. Black Rose must be making money.

Ye-Jun slammed the door shut behind him. He tugged off his jacket and tossed it on the ground, his feet heavy as he walked over to you.

“I didn’t take you home because I didn’t want to bother Roha with your screaming.” He said, grabbing your waist.

You blushed, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Screaming? You’re overly confident… Who’s to say I was going to sleep with you?”

Ye-Jun didn’t answer, leaning down as he began pressing kisses against your neck. You whimpered. Your hands gripping at his shirt as he nipped and bit at your skin.

“I don’t need to be confident. I know your body. I know I’m the only one who gets it.” His hands reached down and tugged at your shirt. You stared at him before raising your arms, letting him take off your shirt.

You tried to ignore the hungry look he gave you as he practically clawed at your jeans. Your voice was barely above a whisper, as if you were a bit too nervous to say it. “You act like you’re the only man that’s fucked me.”

His body froze, his eyes narrowing in on your face. You couldn’t help the cockiness that began to build within you at the look on his face.

“What? It was five years. Did you really think I was going to turn celibate because my first ever boyfriend… no, first ever fuck buddy allowed his friends to call me a slut? When asked what you liked about me, all you said was that I made you feel good about yourself.”

Ye-Jun’s eyebrows furrowed as he pulled away, tilting his head as if he was thinking about what you were saying. You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“You forgot? Forgot that you wouldn’t even call me your boyfriend? That I was annoying?!” You couldn’t help yourself, the past anger beginning to bubble up, ready to spill out. “Did those nine months mean anything to you? Or was I… was I just romanticizing our relationship?”

You sighed, rubbing your head. Your throat burned. Shit, were you really about to cry?

A laugh caught your attention as you looked up at Ye-Jun. “You’re laughing…?” You whispered, eyes widening. “You’re laughing after I just poured my heart out?!”

Ye-Jun hummed nonchalantly, tugging off his own shirt. “Yeah. You left me for that? For five years I thought I did something wrong but it was just you getting emotional.”

“Getting emotional?! Yah, Kim Ye-Jun—!”

“—Cho (Name).” His voice sharp. “That day, November 3rd, when I first saw you—I thought you were cute but stupid. Who would run head first into a busy intersection for a stupid umbrella? It was my luck that when I finished my service and you were at my university.”

The calm atmosphere around Ye-Jun made you feel uneasy as you watched him pull off his bracelet. He looked over at you and grinned.

“That first day I got to truly know you, I thought you were the most selfish annoying little shit ever. Me, Me, Me. That’s all you talked about—didn’t ask me any questions about myself.”

You frowned, throat tightening as you tried to fight back the tears welling in your eyes.

“But you know what made me come back? Guess, Jagi.”

“Sex…?”

“Jagiya… Don’t sell yourself so short.” Ye-Jun laughed, shaking his head. His hand reached over and grabbed the belt hoops of your jeans, pulling you flushed against his chest. You let out a shocked gasp. “I saw you. Outside at the college park, crying your eyes out. You looked so cute.”

You shuddered, glancing down as you felt his hand move to your button, pulling it loose.

“You saw me and then immediately ran over to me. Jumped into my arms without even asking me and just cried, begging for comfort.” Ye-Jun chuckled as if he was remembering the moment. “I almost pushed you off but you were cute… So cute. I liked seeing your face ruined with tears.”

“I don’t understand.” You whispered, unable to stop him as he slowly pulled down your zipper.

“I wanted you after seeing you cry and cling onto me. I’ll be honest, I was going to stop seeing you after we first fucked. But then you suddenly said I was your first time… that you didn’t want any other man to touch you.” He laughed. “But you didn’t seem to keep that promise, did you?”

Ye-Jun pushed you onto the bed, grabbing your jeans as he pulled them off. You whimpered, unable to move as you watch him stand tall over you. A small smirk pulled on his lips.

“Everyday, you practically threw yourself at me. So cute and innocent. Whiny in bed as you begged me to fuck you. Slowly you ruined me, Jagiya. I liked how overly dependent you were on me.”

A strangled gasp left your lips as the sound of fabric tearing filled the room. You looked down to see Ye-Jun’s hands tearing open your boxers, creating a hole right at your ass. It was practically ruined.

“I didn’t think at first to make us ‘official.’ My mistake, huh? I didn’t think you’d run off so quickly without speaking to me just because of other people.” His hand gripped at your thighs. “When you didn’t immediately text me back I knew something was wrong. But I tried to think that it’d be good to not have you up under me.”

He laughed, looking down at you. “It was lonely. The first night without you made me never want to be alone again. But you left me alone for five years. Jagiya, did you not think about how I’d feel?”

“But… You didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Defend you? Is that what you want from me? To be your knight? I’ll be him. Anything to make you stay.”

You gasped, clutching the bedsheets as you’re suddenly flipped onto your stomach, back arched. It was silent for a moment before you felt something cool coat your ass. Your body flinched, a pained whimper leaving your throat.

“Who was it?”

“H..Huh..? Ngh!” You cried out, feeling two fingers sink inside your hole. There was no build up or even a second for you to get used to it. Ye-Jun began to pump his finger in and out, using his free hand to deliver a smack to your ass.

“Who was it? Yang Junho? Did he get to touch you?”

“N..No! No, never..!” You whined, crying at the repeated thrusting against your prostate. The fact he was able to find it so easily scared you. Why could he remember stuff about you after five years?

“Then who, Jagi?”

“Ngh…! It… Mmh!! Ah… Hah.. Y..Young-Jae Hyung…”

“Lee Young-Jae..?” Ye-Jun whispered, his thrusting suddenly slowing down. “You had sex with him?”

“Mhm…” You whined, missing the feeling despite the tears threatening to fall. “We.. We were bored during our trainee years and we couldn’t date so we just became fuck buddies for about a year or so.. Ngh.. We stopped when we met Dohyun Hyung because Jae Hyung caught feelings for him…”

“Only him?”

“…Uhm…”

“Jagi.”

“No… I… I slept with someone after that. But then I couldn’t do it anymore because I got so busy with our debut.”

“Who?”

“You wouldn’t know him. Why do you even care? You probably slept with people during these five years!”

Ye-Jun chuckled. “Mhm. I didn’t. Well, I tried at least.” His finger slipped out of your ass, both hands now spreading you open. “But no one could compare to the pretty face you make whenever you cum on my cock.”

You gasped as you were forced back onto your back and dragged so your lower half of your body hung off the bed. Ye-Jun tilted his head as he drank you on, a slow smile creeping on his lips.

“I missed see you like this. Scared and complainant to my touch. You didn’t fight me at all, Cho (Name). You still want me, don’t you?”

Your hands gripped at the bedsheets as you turned your head to the side, clamping your eyes shut. He only laughed.

“Keep pretending you hate me. I heard sex feels good with hate.” The sound of the zipper and his belt buckle made you flinch, legs instinctively clamping together. You were scared but made no real attempt to move away.

A strangled gasp left your throat as he began to slowly thrust inside of you. It had been up to a year at this point—you almost forgot how much it hurts the first time. Forgot about how big he was.

Ye-Jun groaned, his hands reached up to grab your wrists as he brought them together over your stomach. “Mhm. You still feel so good, Jagiya. How can I live without this?”

You whimpered, eyes shut tight as you feel tears threatening to fall. It was silent for a moment. Your hole repeatedly clenching around his cock as you tried to get used to the feeling. Just as you were about to feel just a smidge of calmness, Ye-Jun slammed into you.

The sound of skin slapping filled the room in tandem with your hiccuped gasps. Tears were freely flowing as your lips parted, trying to say something. You couldn’t even remember what you were going to say.

Your toes curled as the repeated thrusting got you to finally open your eyes and glance down.

Ye-Jun looked downright sinful. His gaze never left your face as his hips slammed into your ass. Hands tightening around your wrists. A smirk pulled on his lips when he noticed you were finally paying attention to him.

“You really are so cute.” He muttered, a crazed look in his eyes as he took you in. “You’re crazy for trying to deprive me of you, Cho (Name). I shouldn’t have let you leave so easily.”

“Ngh… Wh..! Mhm, you act… hah.. act like you could’ve stopped me..!” You managed to finally speak, though it was short lived when his cock finally grazed against your prostate. Ye-Jun moved his hands so only one held both your wrists while the other held your right leg up.

“Oh, you’re still able to talk.” He said, completely ignoring your comment. “Can’t have that.”

He pulled out, much to your dismay, and released his grip on your body. You looked at him with wide eyes, tears staining your face as you wondered what he was going to do. Ye-Jun hummed as he maneuvered you to rest on your stomach once more.

You grunted at the force. “Stop…! Manhandling me!” You whined.

Ye-Jun ignored you again, forcing you to bend your knees on the bed so he could force your ass up high. His hand slipped underneath your boxers and gripped the band. You wondered if he was going to finally just take them off when he thrusted his cock inside your slick hole.

A stuttered high pitched gasp left your throat as he began to repeatedly slam his hips against your ass. He tugged at the hand of boxers, forcing your body to move back on his cock whenever you attempted to pull away just for a second of clarity.

It was repeated attacks on your prostate. The squelching from the lube and the sounds of skin slapping together with the sound of your high pitched moans filled the hotel room. Shit, you were so sure you would be getting a complaint tomorrow.

“I have so many things I want to do to you, Jagiya. To make up for lost time. Because you aren’t ever leaving me again. But I’ll be nice tonight… You have a Japanese debut to prepare for.”

You only whimpered, trying to form some type of words but could only rest your head against the bed.

“But after, I’m going to make you feel the pain you made me feel when you left me for those five years. What happened at the festival was only a taste.”

Ye-Jun delivered a harsh smack to your ass as you let out a shocked gasp. You couldn’t think clearly anymore—just babbling nonsense as your cock rubbed against the bedsheets dejectedly.

You were so close… You hoped Ye-Jun would be kind enough to let you cum tonight.

It seems your prayers were answered as a hand suddenly wrapped itself around your cock. A appreciative mewl escaped you as he began to pump your cock in sync with his thrusting.

The pleasure became too much as a long cry left you as your body began to slump. Your cock squirted against the covers, messing up your stomach in the process. But Ye-Jun didn’t stop, he continued fucking you despite your whines of overstimulation.

His grunting got louder as his hand gripped your ass. You gasped when he slammed deep inside one last time, hips flushed against your ass you began to feel something hot coat your inner walls.

He didn’t wear a condom… You hadn’t even noticed. This was the first time you ever had sex without a condom. Your first ever creampie.

Of course, Kim Ye-Jun was the one to do it.

Your body slumped against the bed, falling onto your side as he pulled out. You couldn’t even complain, too tired to do anything beside sleep.

Ye-Jun leaned over your body and leaned down, pressing a kiss on your cheek. “Don’t sleep yet. You can’t sleep on the sheets.” He wrapped his arms around your legs and upper body, easily lifting you up.

You were in and out as he got a bath ready. Your eyes fluttering close just as he lowered you into the water. He flicked your forehead, jolting you awake as you whined.

“Wha…tsthatfor?” You whispered.

“You can’t fall asleep. I don’t want you to drown in the bath.”

You must’ve ended up falling asleep anyway because you awoke on the bed, dressed in a fluffy white bathrobe. It was dark in the room, only a little light shining through the cracks of the shades from the street lamps.

A hand tightened its grip on your waist as you looked over, seeing Ye-Jun’s face buried in your neck as he clung to your body. You managed to free one hand and reached over to check your messages on your phone.

Roha Hyung

↳ make sure that homosexual is back by 10 am, we have practice in the morning

Jun Jun Hyung

↳ Are you safe? Please make sure you’re safe. Text me in the morning.

Ki Ki Hyung

↳ when did you leave? Are you okay? You better be in your room by 8 am when I visit

Dohyunie Hyung

↳ please don’t come home until after 10 am!!!!! Stay in my room tonight!! PleSjheja!!!

Wonnie Hyung

↳ was I the only one that didn’t know Yuki and Junho are fucking?!? wtf??? Am I only the one who likes girls in this damn band?!??

Jae Hyung

↳ !!!! DOHYUN HYUNG IS SUCKING MY DICK!!!!

↳ IM SO FUCKING HIS ASS TONIGHT!!!!

↳ anyway don’t come home, we’re gonna fuck all night ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

You shut your phone off and gently placed it back on the nightstand. You’d deal with that mess in the morning.

Your body shifted as you glanced down at Ye-Jun.

Surely you didn’t think he was serious. He couldn’t be this obsessed with you after nine months.

Right?

Poor, naive Cho (Name).

❝ 시작해 버린 순간 못 헤어나올 걸 아니까 ❞

He thought he was seeing things that day.

Love Countdown’s Cho (Name). You stood right there in front of him. He almost ran over to you and hugged you so tight, hoping it wasn’t just a dream. You looked so cute with those heart freckles.

He didn’t think you’d debut in a band. He didn’t remember anything about you being able to play any instrument.

Roha would tell him of course he didn’t. He only knew you for nine months. That wasn’t enough time to get to know someone that well. Especially someone like you who seemed unable to talk about anything besides your family drama or love for Ye-Jun.

Ye-Jun almost thought you just looked oddly similar to his (Name). Until Lee Young-Jae called your name. Until he saw how you looked at him with fear but also some type of love? Like you also wanted to just run into his arms.

No matter.

He was used to having total control of the relationship. He should’ve never allowed you to just take control so suddenly. You broke the relationship without even talking to him.

He’d get you back. No matter what. Because you were his.

Even if you didn’t know that.

@BRkim_yejun started following @TheRealLoveCountdown

❝ 점점 멈추기 힘들어 갈 수록 중독돼 ❞

…. Don’t make fun of me, this wasn’t supposed to be so long lmfao. Anyway don’t even ask, I’ll be using Ye-Jun again and make a part two in future. He’s too toxic to pass up on

Tag list: @the-ultimate-librarian @chill-guy-but-cooler @kiiyoooo @star-3214 @tehyunnie @flurrina @ofclyde @iwishtobeacrow @love-kha1 @mooncarvers-world @smellwell @tomoeroi @remdayz @cherry-blossoms-187 @rhetorical-conscience @mello-life25

Translations:

ㅎㅎㅎ (하하하) — hahaha

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ (크크크크) — LOL

ㄷ ㄷ (떨딸) — trembling

❝ 목이 메어 ❞ — my throat is tight

❝ 매달려 봤는데 상처 발더러고 ❞ — I clung onto that person, and I ended up getting hurt

귀여워, 자기야… 셀키 더 찍어 주세요… 뽀뽀하고 싶어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ — cute, baby. Please take more selfies!! I wanna kiss you, lolol

❝ 진지하진 않잖아 가벼운 간보기잖아 ❞ — you’re not being serious, it’s just a test, isn’t it?

❝ 이러면 안 되는데 머리론 아는데 ❞ — I shouldn’t be like this, I know in my mind

나는 너를 먹고 싶어…!! 왜 그렇개 귀여워? ㄷㄷ — I wanna eat you. Why are you so cute? *shaking*

죽을래, 새끼야!!! — do you wanna die, son of a bitch (this is where sae kki ya came from)

❝ 거기 멈춰 줄래 빠지기 싫어 싫어 싫어 ❞ — please stop right there, I don’t don’t don’t want to fall for you

❝ 단지 너의 외로움을 단래긴 싫거든 ❞ — I don’t only want to soothe your loneliness

❝ 시작해 버린 순간 못 헤어나올 걸 아니까 ❞ — because from the moment it starts, I know I can’t break free

❝ 점점 멈추기 힘들어 갈 수록 중독돼 ❞ — it’s getting harder to stop, I’m getting more addicted to you

Songs used — 121u by Day6 and sOng Of ice and fire by OnlyOneOf

[tgmsunmontue]

Saga of Solitude 15/21

Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA and afterwards. DADT fully in force. IceMav AU. (Begun prior to 'It's not who you know' - the non-angsty version). (Side Hangster, which is ALSO angsty).

PROLOGUE (He remembers)

HANGSTER FIRST MEETING (Lonely Nights - set 2009)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS

ONE (2000) TWO (2001) THREE (2002) FOUR (2003) FIVE (2004) SIX (2005) SEVEN (2006) EIGHT (2007) NINE (2008) TEN (2009) ELEVEN (2010) TWELVE (2011) THIRTEEN (2012) FOURTEEN (2013)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN – 2014

                Tom has it narrowed down to three candidates. He’s been chipping away at figuring it out, not making it a top priority, but definitely something he keeps circling back to. The man who he wants to keep a closer eye on, even if it’s been five years he suspects that Bradley hasn’t exactly forgotten him. He had tried gentle probing questions, only to have them deftly avoided. Clever of him, and Tom knows he’s no doubt had practice from when he was younger and serving under DADT as well as protecting Tom and Pete’s own relationship.

                However Bradley hasn’t even told Natasha, because he’d also carefully asked her and she’d simply blinked at him in surprise before shaking her head, saying she didn’t know anything, but that if Bradley had slept with anyone he’d been very discreet, because she heard gossip, and there hasn’t been any about Bradley. Well. Other than him apparently being secretly married to her. Tom doesn’t know why he should even care so much, other than Bradley is his son and he wants to protect him as much as possible, despite the fact that Bradley is now over thirty and more than capable of looking after himself. He has his own house, not that he stays there very often, preferring to be in the center of things and being here in the family home with Tamsin and Petra.

                Except Tamsin and Petra are growing up too, Tamsin in her last semester of high school. She’s been accepted into California-Irvine and he’s so proud but he is also not prepared at all for her to move away. He’s glad she’s decided to stay within state at least, and he knows Bradley likely helped sway her in that decision. Which is why he wants to find some way to ensure Bradley is never held back in anyway. So he’ll keep trying to work out exactly who it is that he still so hooked up on.

…            …            …

                “She’s going to prom,” Pete says again, and he knows he’s maybe belaboring the point, but also he can’t believe that Tamsin is in her last year of high school, is so capable and accomplished and intelligent. Hell, she runs circles around him on the regular and yet he can’t fathom how the little baby girl he held in his arms over seventeen years ago is now taller than him. A fact everyone seems to great joy in pointing out to him, however he can still pick her up and carry her. Her boyfriend hasn’t stopped trying to impress them, and Pete can’t say he likes the young man, and he has tried, thank you very much Bradley.

                “Wish I could have gone to prom with you…” Ice says, stepping in close and wrapping his arms around Pete’s waist. He leans into him, never feels safer than when he’s like this.

                “Yeah? You want to dance with me?”

                “Always…”

                “We pretending we’re at prom?” Pete asks with a grin and Ice smiles, the soft-gentle half smile he uses when he’s feeling particularly sentimental. He feels Ice’s arms tighten around him and there isn’t any music, but then Ice starts humming quietly and his own smile grows wider and he presses a kiss into the side of Ice’s neck. “God I love you…”

                “Love you too. So much Pete… Did you ever think we’d get to have this life?”

                Pete startles a little, surprised at the question.

                “Of course…”

                “Seriously?”

                “You didn’t?”

                “Not in my wildest dreams. Every day I am grateful I get to have… all of this. You. Bradley, The girls. Sarah and Melissa. Hell, even Aubrey is a blessing.”

                “We are very lucky. Want to get luckier?”

                “This was a nice moment…”

                “It’ll be even nicer soon. Let me take you to bed?”

                “Yeah. Please.”

                “Mmm. Begging already. I like it.”

                “Begging you to stop talking. You used to be a man of action, not words…”

                “Pfft. I’ll show you action…”

                “In a bed Mav, come on.”

                They undress with no haste, helping each other, trading kisses and running hands over bare skin as it’s revealed, Ice’s touch on him causing repeated full-body tingles, they always have. He hopes his own touch has the same effect, thinks it does with the way Ice shivers and presses against him, murmurs his name quietly under his breath and kisses at the soft skin just behind his ear. He presses a gentle kiss over the newly healed port scar from Ice’s cancer treatments, suddenly overwhelmed that he too is grateful that he gets to have all this. He’d have been content with just Ice to call his own, but to have his odd little family, to have a son and two daughters who are all turning into these amazing individuals.

                “Pete…” Ice says, voice deep and raspy, the way it gets when he’s just woken up or when he’s getting really turned on. Then there are warm dry fingers wrapping around his cock and he follows Ice down onto the bed, lets his hands find purchase on Ice’s hips as he rocks against him. It’s warm and comforting, and despite wanting everything else to go fast in his life, this, with Ice right now, is something he’s happy to draw out. Knowing they don’t have to rush, not the hard-fast-desperate times that they had in the beginning, terrified of being caught.

                He’s married to this man, it’s on his record and they live together, always come home to the same place. He realizes he didn’t think he’d get to have this, but he had always hoped and dreamed he would. That despite everything he’s damned lucky and he shouldn’t take what they have for granted.

                “You want to fuck me?” Pete asks, straddling Ice’s thighs and grinding his erection in a rocking motion against Ice’s.

                “Yes.”

                He grins then, knows his face is probably scrunched up in happiness but he doesn’t care. They don’t do this very often, it’s more effort than either of them are usually wanting to put in, but sometimes it’s exactly what they both want. He leans back, rolls off the bed and pulls open the bedside table drawer for lube; hears Ice shuffle off to grab towels. He follows, uses the glass on the sink to have two large glasses of water.

                “You planning on working up a sweat?”

                “Yeah… you better be able to keep up.”

                Ice snorts at that, but follows his example and throws back a glass of water, but his eyes stay on him, the light grey-blue shaded darker with arousal and Pete’s cock jerks in anticipation. Ice, being the smug bastard he is, and because he knows him so well smirks, lets one of his hands come to rest on Pete’s flank, fingers digging and rubbing and pulling him close so they can rub together. He’s being moved, Ice using his height and breadth to encourage him back to the bedroom, like he somehow needs convincing.

                “Hi…”

                “Hi. Can we…”

                “Always trying to rush…”

                “Not this. Not with you.”

                “I know.”

                Then he’s on his back, Ice dragging him so his hips are raised on a couple of pillows, which are covered with one of the towels. Ice kisses him, then there’s the slick slide of fingers between his ass cheeks and he reaches blindly for him, needs to touch him so he can feel grounded, know that Ice is there with him. It’s not fast, Ice always takes his time, makes sure now that he’s not going to cause any pain or even discomfit. Pete has learnt that he’s allowed to just lie back and enjoy. The whole preparation aspect is something Ice takes pleasure in, the building anticipation and knowledge he has time, permitted to touch Pete and make him feel good. He does that now, their years together making him an expert in Pete’s body.

                Pete doesn’t often have the patience for this; time shifts and passes in a liquid state, seconds measured in kisses against his skin, minutes in the growing and easing pressure of fingers stretching him. He’s hard and leaking, feels like Ice has been driving him around the edge of a whirlpool for hours and he’s just waiting for them to get sucked down together. He feels Ice’s cock push into him and he lets out a groan, cants his hips to make the press deeper and let’s Ice manhandle him so his legs are around his waist.

                “Ice…”

                “Yeah. I got you Mav…”

…            …            …

                He’s home five weeks early, and they’re managing to pull it off, and god, if he makes her cry and her mascara runs she’s going to kill him. But it’s her prom night and while they’d planned on him arriving during a school assembly to surprise her, they’ve modified it because she’s going to prom alone because her boyfriend is an asshole.

                So.

                Bradley is going to turn up in his dress whites, sweep her off her feet and he’s going to consider himself lucky if Tamsin doesn’t punch him. She’s standing with a group of her friends, nearly all of whom he recognizes, Ice and Mav are failing at hiding behind a pillar, Petra with them and looking bored. A lot of sets of eyes are on him and he can see someone making a signal for the music to be turned down, and that has Tamsin and her group look around and he steps forward, hand out stretched.

                “Can I have this dance?”

                “Bradley!”

                Then he’s being hugged tightly, she looks so grown up and he’s reminded again that parents do this all the time; that he works with some who leave their young kids for months at a time and he’s simply an older brother. He steps back to take in her dress and hair, is pretty sure Mav and Tom probably had collective heart attacks given the split up the side.

                “You look amazing.”

                “I know!” she laughs. “It took hours. I cannot believe that some people do this every day before they leave their homes…”

                There’s applause and he’s got the usual thanks for your service and he nods and smiles his way through it all, because he’s in the service to fly planes because he can’t imagine doing anything else, and if it has the added bonus of serving his country then that’s okay. But he knows what came first for him.

                He dances with Tamsin, can actually dance the more formal and traditional dances but steps away when she starts throwing her hands up to a song he doesn’t recognize. So this is what old age begins to feel like. Ice and Mav have left, and some of Tamsin’s teachers come and introduce themselves, and he finds it a little alarming that one of them is in fact younger than him, the others only a few years older and he hopes his freak out about being his age isn’t showing on his face.

                “You’re actually in the Navy huh?” a man asks, and he thinks this is Tamsin’s English teacher.

                “Yes. These are my actual dress whites. Thought I’d try and make tonight better after her boyfriend decided to dump her.”

                “Ah yes, he’s a bit of a social pariah now. Tamsin is well liked.”

                “Good. She’s awesome.”

                “The words of a completely unbiased bystander, I’m sure,” the guy says with a gentle teasing smile and Bradley turns slightly, thinks he’s being flirted with.

                “Protective and proud older brother instincts aren’t ever going to go away. I’ll be in a rocking chair and I’ll still think she’s awesome.”

                The glint of something intensifies and Bradley raises an eyebrow, licks his lips and doesn’t miss the other man’s eyes flick down to the movement.

                He is never telling Tamsin that he got a blowjob from her English teacher, however he also doesn’t feel like he’s so ancient after all, so he’ll definitely count it as a win.

…            …            …

                Tom isn’t an idiot. When Petra turns sixteen he very politely recuses himself from even being an option to teach her how to drive. He did it with Bradley and Tamsin. Petra is another thing entirely, and he knows Pete has already let her drive his motorbikes up and down the airstrip at the hangar, has no doubt that she’s already done the same with a car. He can only hope that Pete doesn’t make any exceptions around safety. He doesn’t expect he will, he never has with Bradley or Tamsin. It’s only his own body he’s a little reckless with. They both come back super excited, fizzing with more energy than he knows what to with and later when they’re curled up in bed Pete admits he knows what he’s going to get Petra for Christmas. Laps at the nearest racecourse.

                Tom sighs.

…            …            …

                “Hey Bradley?”

                “Yeah Pet?”

                “If you try and pull that prom bullshit on me I will castrate you and make you wish you’d never been born. Got it?”

                Bradley snorts.

                “Yeah. Got it. Is that a no surprises ever, or just big public ones where you might cry?”

                “No public ones. Nice surprises are fine.”

                “Okay. Well I’ll try and keep the big public displays saved up for Tamsin.”

                “Yeah. That sounds good.”

…            …            …

                “I have to look over these promotion recommendations before sending them on to the SECNAV. We’ve got a young aviator who chalked up an air-to-air kill, so he’s being recommended for accelerated promotion to Lieutenant… A Jake Seresin.”

                Tom recognizes the name immediately. Jake Seresin. He remembers having dinner with him, he’d been polite and engaging, flown in a way that made him itch to be in the sky again. He’s also on the very short list of men that are potentially Bradley’s ill-advised hookup that he is adamant about leaving the fuck alone. Tom isn’t so sure, but also he’s got a feeling in his gut that this is him. That Jake Seresin is the young man that Bradley hooked up with. Which makes him worth his attention, but it doesn’t stop him from halting the other man’s career trajectory. He signs the paperwork giving his recommendation for promotion and asks for an invitation to the ceremony.

…            …            …

                “Jake.”

                “Lieutenant Bradshaw.”

                Bradley bites back his immediate retort, because he guesses he deserves that.

                “Congratulations on the promotion.”

                “I’m sorry, are you talking to me now?”

                “Well, we’re currently the same rank so I can’t have the fraternization rules thrown at me as a warning. So yeah, I guess I’m talking to you…” Bradley starts, even knowing that the previous difference in their ranks is a weak excuse for his previous behavior.

                “Yeah well, I’m not listening. Catch you around Bradshaw.”

                Fuck.

                So much for trying to apologize.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

Hey babe can u pls make Ethan (or Jack) x older reader? (I am 3 years older than him ☠️☠️) drink water n always try to sleep 8 hours ❤️



perfect opportunity to set a rule. i won't be writing for any real people. but I'm happy to write a little fluff piece for ethan! (i’m also two years older, little 2002 baby) also thank you for the love❤️❤️

reader is gender-neutral.

WC: 826

warnings: cursing

masterlist

“you’re fucking with us.”

“no, i’m not.”

the table got silent and then, “nah. no way you have a partner. especially an older partner.” chad planted his foot down. he knew ethan wanted a bit of respect in the friend group, but this was a huge fib.

ethan rolled his eyes, “when you say older it makes it seem like i’m dating a widower. they're just three years older. they work at the school library.” hoping that might give some type of autonomy for them to rack their brains about.

“dude, that doesn’t give us a single clue about them. we don’t study at the library twenty-four-seven like you.” tara pointed out.

“also most of us have easier classes,” mindy with her sarcasm. anika chided her girlfriend before asking ethan her own question, “how long have you been dating?”

ethan got a bit shy, head turning as he scratched his ear. “about three, almost four months.”

“oh, shit. ethan i didn’t know you had that much game.” chad cheered as he clapped ethan’s shoulder. ethan’s face showed confusion, “just three minutes ago you didn’t even believe i had a partner. now you're saying i have game?”

chad shrugged, “eh. still gotta meet this wonderful person that swept little ethan landry off his feet before i one hundred percent believe you.”

“i’m sure they are a lovely person,” anika tried to uplift ethan from the backhanded comments. “maybe we could meet them. if they're up for that?”

ethan smiled at his friend as he nodded his head. “i’ll- i’ll ask them. but they’ve mentioned before wanting to meet everyone.”

tara shimmed her shoulders and awes, “so you talk about us? hope it’s all good stuff.” fist to her cheek as she smiles.

“yeah- yeah. always- always good things.” ethan messed with the pages of his textbook. his homework was forgotten once you became the topic of discussion.

“you two have sex yet?” mindy outright asked. everyone exclaimed loudly, chad was also curious. tara and anika argued with the twins' childish antics.

“you don’t have to answer that ethan.” tara reminded him. she swatted chad’s shoulder. the boy exaggerated the pain the five-foot girl caused to his muscled shoulder.

ethan didn’t even have a chance to stutter out any comment. there was a yell of his name and everyone turned their heads towards the noise. and when ethan turned a smile lit up his face and he jumped from his seat. his head of bouncing curls and jacket pushed by the wind as his converse-clad feet carried him halfway across the campus grounds to your open arms.

your arms over his shoulders and his around your waist. he lifted your feet off the ground, face tucked into his neck, and gave your bodies a twirl, once then twice before stopping in place. you leaned back, hands sliding from behind and cupping his cheeks as he held your hips.

“hi, pretty boy.” a kiss to his waiting lips. he hummed at the touch before you pulled away.

“hi, baby.” another peck between lips. “i’ve missed you.”

a light chuckle, “i saw you this morning.” a hand pushing curls around.

he gave your hips a squeeze, “well now you're making it sound like a bad thing. can’t i miss my favorite person?”

the corner of your mouth quirked up. something over ethan’s shoulder caught your attention and it brought a tilt to your head. from the corner of your eye, you could see ethan’s brows furrow in the middle.

“what?”

you nicked your chin, “there is a group of people behind you just watching us like starving hawks.” right hand left ethan’s features and gave a timid wave to the little group. they all turned away except for a guy who waved back enthusiastically before a girl hit his shoulder.

ethan turned his body, one arm holding you to his side as the other pushed hair from his forehead. he sighed, “those starving hawks are my friends. who happen to believe you don’t exist.”

looking away from his friends and attention turned to his side profile. your eyes detailed the shape of his nose and the point of his cupids bow along with the speckled freckles. 

“well,” arm around his waist hugged him tight, “why don’t i introduce myself? hope they're not disappointed i'm not a unicorn.”

you pulled away from ethan, arm running along his back before catching his hand and tugging him behind you. a look over your shoulder and the flush to ethan’s chubby cheeks, it just made you fall even deeper into the tight grasp that was wrapped around your heart.

your so lucky ethan landry walked into your life on that random wednesday.

feet stopping at the head of the table, ethan behind your shoulder with hands still held. a beaming smile parted your lips while giving a gentle wave to the four pairs of watchful eyes.

“hi, i’m y/n l/n, ethan’s partner.”

[burntheedges-updates]

over again, epilogue: together

Joel Miller x f!reader | 18+ minors DNI | word count: 6.4k

summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him and your whole family in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming. or, five times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse (and one time you did something about it) chapter tags/warnings: fluff, flirting, banter, light angst, kissing, pet names (darlin’, baby, honey, pretty girl), Joel calls reader a good girl, neck grabbing (no breath play), light manhandling, grinding, oral (f receiving), oral (m receiving), deepthroating, light choking, p in v sex (no condom this time, but use a condom, y’all), creampie, praise kink, light anal play, face sitting, if I missed anything please let me know! a/n: I cannot believe this is the last part (this is the +1 - the time they did something about it). I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think!

series main post | series playlist | ao3 ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges

Epilogue: Together

Austin, December 2002

Almost two years in, and sometimes you couldn’t believe how happy you were with Joel. Almost two and a half, really, if you counted the 6 months you spent getting to know each other but holding yourselves back. 

You had a memorable second Christmas together – you stayed with the Millers for your entire holiday break from teaching, only running next door to your house to get random things you needed as they came up. Sarah, then 13, had been excited about it for weeks, though her excitement hadn’t died down after Christmas itself. You weren’t sure why, but she was still practically bouncing off the walls of the Miller household. Joel easily agreed to let her go to a New Year’s sleepover to burn off some of her energy.

A couple of days before New Year’s Eve you came back from a grocery run to an empty house. You knew Tommy had driven Sarah to the mall, but Joel should’ve been there somewhere. You called for him and heard a thump from the backyard, so you set down your bags and wandered out to see what he was up to. You found him up on a ladder, hammer in hand, string lights trailing over his shoulder and already secured in other places on the tall fence around the backyard.

“What’s all this?” you asked, coming to stand beside the ladder to steady it. It had rained earlier, but now it was just foggy and a little chilly. For Texas, anyway. You shivered.

Joel grunted, voice muffled by the nail he was holding with his lips. “I wanted to do something nice for Sarah for New Year’s.”

“Isn’t she going to that sleepover?”

“Yeah, but she’ll be back the next day. Thought we could celebrate it together.” You rested your hand on his ankle and smiled up at him. He was such a good dad, always thinking of little details like this that would brighten her day.

“Need any help?”

“No, I’m ‘bout done. Hey, could you go make us some coffee? Maybe we can sit out here for a bit when I’m done, think about what else we could do to decorate.”

“Sure, baby.” You squeezed his ankle and headed off to do just that.

It took you about 20 minutes to put away the groceries and make some coffee the way you both liked it. By the time you wandered back outside, Joel had finished the lights and put away the ladder. The string lights were glowing softly all around the back yard. You smiled a little, noticing that he’d also put down a large blanket in the middle of the yard and set up the boombox nearby. 

“¡Que Bonito!” was playing quietly, but Joel was nowhere to be seen. 

“Joel? You out here?” 

You whirled to your left, careful with the coffee, as he cleared his throat from behind you, near the door to the house. Somehow he’d managed to sneak in and change without you noticing. He was wearing a black button up and nicer jeans than he had been 20 minutes ago. 

Before you could ask what was going on, he walked towards you and took the coffees from you, setting them carefully on the low table the boom box was sitting on. “Come here, darlin’.” He guided you into a slow dance, starting to sway back and forth.

“What’s the occasion?”

He hummed, pulling you closer. “Just dance with me, pretty girl.” 

You realized he wasn’t going to tell you, at least not yet, so you relaxed into it. You rested your face on his chest as he rested his cheek on top of your head.

You swayed gently together, and the soft glow of the new string lights made everything feel soft and romantic. You sighed and let yourself sink into him. 

When the song ended you felt Joel tense a little. You tried to raise your head, but he suddenly relaxed and tucked your head back to his chest with his left hand. You realized the next track was “Amazed,” and you started to smile.

Sure enough, Joel ducked his head and put his lips right to your ear as he started to sing along softly with the song. You closed your eyes and let his deep voice wash over you.

I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps gettin' better I wanna spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby I'm amazed by you

He sang through the first chorus, but then trailed off. He slowly stopped swaying you back and forth. You raised your head, and he let you this time. His eyes caught yours as he stepped back from you, your brow furrowed in confusion as he took a deep breath.

And then he dropped to one knee. 

Your hands flew up to cover your mouth, eyes wide, as Joel reached into his pocket and revealed a small black box. Your whole body was tingling and you sucked in a sharp breath.

He said your name softly as he opened the box, not breaking eye contact once.

“I was planning to wait until New Year’s Eve, bring you out here at midnight and ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. But when you came home earlier, you looked so goddamn beautiful and so right, here in our home. I couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Darlin’, I started falling in love with you standing in my driveway, watching you smile at me and our daughter over those bushes. I didn’t let myself admit it right away, but that’s the truth of it. And then I spent months falling deeper and deeper, sitting with you on your back porch, ‘n every new thing I learned about you just pulled me in more. But I was stuck in my own fear until that day you watched over our girl and took such good care of her and told me you loved her. And I knew it then. I knew you were the one for me, the one for us, and I needed to stop being so afraid to let you in.”

You realized you’d started crying and you wiped away your tears, a huge smile taking over your face. Joel watched you intently and visibly powered through it instead of reaching out to you.

“Every moment with you blows me away, baby. I didn’t think I would ever be this happy. I want to spend the rest of my life making you smile just like that, hearing about your day, watching you be a mom to our little girl, holding you when you need comfort, marveling at how smart you are. I want to bump shoulders in the kitchen as we do dishes together and catch you as you stumble when you’re too tired after a night of dancing to make it up the stairs. I want to dance with you every day, even when we’re old and our backs hurt with every step. I want to watch you watch our daughter grow up. I want to see you every morning when I wake up and I want your cold feet to snuggle under mine in bed. I want to spend every night in bed with you, touching you and kissing you and making you come so hard your legs shake.” He grins and winks at you, and you laugh. You can’t help it.

“I love you so much, darlin’. I want to take the long way with you. I want you here, with us, together, for the rest of our days. Will you marry me?” 

You flung yourself at him before he even finished the question, and he caught you around the waist, laughing and keeping the both of you from toppling over. 

“Yes! I love you so much, Joel Miller. Yes, I’ll marry you. I want all of that too. I want it so bad, baby.” He grinned at you, and you saw he’d teared up a bit too. You were both a mess, teary and smiling, as he slipped the ring onto your finger.

You both looked at it for a moment, stunned, before he took your hand and raised it to his lips, kissing the back of your fingers with his eyes closed. He whispered, “I never saw you coming, darlin’, you took my breath away from the first moment.” He opened his eyes and when he met your gaze he smiled, slow. “Come here, pretty girl.” He pulled you in by your hand and drew you into a deep, slow kiss that stole your breath. With his left hand at your back he lowered you onto the blanket he’d put out, nestled under the trees. 

Joel hovered over you, pressing small kisses all over your face and trailing down your neck. You threaded your fingers through his hair and sighed. 

“Let me make you feel good, baby.” He moved to take off your clothes at the same time your hands moved to his buttons. After a bit of laughter and fumbling, both of you were stripped bare, right there in the yard, hidden by the trees. He looked down at you from where he hovered above you on all fours, cock already hard and hanging heavy between his legs. 

“Look at you, beautiful. Laid out for me all perfect, wearing nothing but my ring.” He dipped down to pull your nipple into his mouth, and you moaned. “That’s right baby, let me hear you.” He reached over and turned up the volume on the boombox slightly. 

You moved your left hand to cup his face, and he immediately turned into it to kiss where your ring sat on your finger. “What do you want, pretty girl?”

You reached down and held his cock lightly in your right hand. You wanted what you knew would drive him over the edge – what always made him lose control. “I want you to fuck my face, baby.”

He groaned, dropping his head to your chest. “Fuck.”

“I want you to come up here and feed me your cock. Come on, cowboy.” You moved your hands to his hips and urged him forward. 

“Baby, I want–��� he started to protest.

You pulled his head up so he had to meet your gaze. “Fuck. My. Mouth.” You could see him shudder, his eyes blown wide as his mouth dropped open. He scrambled to do as you asked. 

His big thighs came up to surround you, sturdy on either side of your head. You hummed, pleased. He leaned forward to find the right angle and you stuck out your tongue to meet the tip of his cock as it lowered towards your face. He groaned loudly. His hips moved closer, suddenly, like it was out of his control. You opened your mouth and extended your tongue, flat. 

Joel was breathing fast, but he lowered his hips perfectly so that the head of his cock landed right on your tongue. You realized he must have been watching and tilted your head back to look. You met his gaze, upside down, his head hanging between his shoulders. He looked completely undone and you’d barely touched him. You smiled as he slowly sank the head of his cock into your wide open mouth. 

He groaned as he pushed inside, not too far yet. He knew you loved this, and he fucking loved it too, but he was always a little afraid of hurting you at first. Always cautious. You positioned your mouth and throat so that he could push father, but he pulled back out and you hummed. You reached up and lightly slapped his ass cheek before grabbing his hips to urge him forward. 

“Ok, baby, ok. I just don’t want to choke you.” He breathed out a laugh, sounding completely wrecked. You pinched his ass. “Ok, I know, I don’t want to choke you too much.” This time he sank down further and you tried to open your throat to welcome him in. You swirled your tongue over his shaft as the tip of his cock kissed the back of your throat. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck baby that feels so fucking good. Fuck.” He pulled back out and, a bit faster, thrust back inside. You hummed and squeezed your thighs together at the feeling. You were already getting wet.

Slowly, steadily, he started to actually fuck into your mouth. You encouraged him with your hands on his ass and your moans every time he went a little bit farther, a little bit deeper. You could hear him, cursing and murmuring quietly about how good it was, but the blood started to rush in your ears as he settled into it. 

You pressed your tongue to the tip of his cock the next time he pulled out and then sucked, hard, on his next thrust. His hips jumped forward and his cock sank slightly farther into your throat. You choked, just a little, and immediately held onto his ass to keep him from pulling out. “Oh baby, your mouth is fucking perfect,” he growled, accepting that you wanted him right there, down your throat, not moving until you let him. “You want to choke on it that bad? You got it, pretty girl.”

He started thrusting a little deeper, pushing the head of his cock into your throat every time. You moaned, encouraging him, and realized tears were streaming down your face. You clenched your thighs together, pussy dripping wet, overcome by the sound and the feeling of him starting to use your throat. 

On his next thrust you slipped a finger in between his ass cheeks and his hips stuttered forward, almost sinking his entire cock into your mouth. Joel cried out as you choked and your throat tightened around him, before pulling out suddenly and yanking you up the blanket towards him. 

“Holy fucking shit, baby, what did I do to deserve you? Such a good fucking girl for me. You take my cock so fucking well.” He wiped the tears from your eyes and leaned down to lick across your lips before kissing you deeply, tasting himself and groaning loudly. “I need to be inside you, pretty girl.”

“You were, baby.” Your voice was husky, throat a little raw, and he shuddered at the sound. 

“Let me fuck this pretty pussy, baby, I want to make you feel good.” He lifted your knees to your chest, opening you up to him. “I need to put my cock inside this perfect little hole. Fill it up.”

“I do feel good, Joel.” You smiled, dreamily, watching him look at your pussy and lick his lips. 

“I can see that, honey.” You were sure the look on your face was totally blissed out. It’s how you felt. “I want you to feel even better.” As he said it his fingers moved from your legs to your pussy and he moaned. “You’re so fucking wet, is this just from sucking my cock?” You nodded. “Such a good fucking girl for me. Getting so wet just from having my cock in your mouth. Like I already filled you up and you’re dripping, leaking everywhere. So needy, baby.”

“I love your cock, Joel. Love the way it tastes. Love choking on it.” You reached for him, but he leaned down before you could pull him towards you and licked your pussy, tongue flat, from your hole to your clit. You whined and fisted your hands in the blanket. 

“You taste good too, baby. So fucking good.” He lowered his head again and slipped his tongue inside of you, holding you open with his hands behind your thighs. You squirmed, trying to thrust your hips towards his mouth. He twisted his tongue, closed his mouth over your hole, and sucked lightly. You moaned. 

He pulled his face away, gasping. “I need to be inside you, baby.”

You nodded, pulling him towards you. His eyes were dark and his gaze burned into you, making your breath stutter.

“I’m going to fuck your so good, honey. ‘M going to fill this tight little hole, stuff it full of my cock, stretch you open and make it mine.” He leaned down and kissed you as the tip of his cock nestled at your entrance, your legs still wide open for him.

“It’s already yours, Joel. I’m all yours.”

“That’s right, baby. For the rest of our lives.” With that, he pushed forward and sank his cock inside you, slowly, inch by inch. You threw your head back and whined as his hips met yours. You felt stretched full, a perfect fit. He stopped there and watched you for a moment before leaning down and kissing you, so softly and gently it made your breath catch. 

He moved his lips to your ear and whispered, softly, “I am going to ruin this pretty pussy, baby.”

You moaned, clenching down on his cock and twisting your fingers through his hair. “Please, Joel. Do it.”

He moved his face back above yours, giving you a cocky half smile. He pulled out slowly, met your eyes, and then slammed back into you. You could feel your chest heaving as he set a wild pace, strokes fast and deep. You thrust your hips to meet his, panting. He moved his left hand to where it belonged, holding the back of your neck in a strong grip as he held himself up on his elbows.

Joel leaned down slowly towards you, the move totally at odds with the devastating pace he was setting with his cock. You could feel his breath on your lips. He slipped his tongue towards you and brushed it lightly along your bottom lip, teasing you, holding your neck in place when you tried to surge forward to meet him. The soft pressure combined with the feeling of his cock hitting you just right inside made you whine and close your eyes. 

“That’s it, baby. You’re always such a good girl, fucking taking what I give you like you were made to do it.” He leaned to the right and nipped lightly at your jaw. You tried to tilt your head to give him more room but his grip on your neck held you in place, right where he wanted you. He shifted his weight to his left elbow, picking up his right hand and grasping your hip to encourage you as you met his thrusts. He scraped his teeth down your neck.

“Being with you feels like a miracle, baby. It’s so fucking good every time. A man could lose himself in this pussy.” His hips stuttered. “Wish I could stay right here inside you all damn day.”

You felt tears forming at the corners of your eyes as he kept his steady pace, fucking into you, holding your body where he wanted it. “Joel, please.” You couldn't help but beg him even though you didn’t know what you were begging for. You scratched your nails down his back, feeling his muscles moving beautifully under his skin.

“Shhh, let me give it to you. Just take it, honey. That’s it. Be my good girl.” You held your breath as he whispered in your ear, as his right hand moved to your clit. He began to dance his fingers over it in time with his thrusts and you suddenly felt your orgasm, which had been building steadily, coming for you like a meteor. 

“Joel!”

As you cried out his name, you felt yourself clench around his cock, coming so hard you swore you heard ringing in your ears. He moaned your name, low and guttural, and sank his teeth into your shoulder. His hips stuttered and his fingers pinched lightly at your clit as both of you flew over the edge. His orgasm stirred yours higher and your hands went lax. You saw stars dancing in your vision as he ground his cock into you, almost smothering you with his weight.

His hips stilled, but neither of you moved. You both sucked in deep breaths and tried to slow your racing hearts. You could feel his in his chest, beating strong and fast. 

Slowly, Joel lifted his head to meet your gaze. You realized with sudden alarm that he was crying.

“Baby, what–”

He cut you off with a kiss, so soft and gentle it soothed you. He whispered your name.

“How did I get so lucky as to find you, honey?” He spoke right into your mouth, seeming unable to move back, unable to stop kissing you. “I’ve never been so happy. Never knew it could be like this.”

You mustered the strength to move your arms, slipping them around his waist. “I’m the lucky one, Joel. I’ve never been loved this good. No one’s ever come close. I didn’t even realize what I was missing before you.”

He hummed, kissing along your jaw softly. “Maybe we’re both lucky. Sure do fit together like this is how it’s meant to be.” He ground his hips into yours a bit, emphasizing his point. You laughed.

“Well, you know how much I love your cock.”

He smiled, but hid it in your neck, licking and kissing his way down and back up. “Just my cock? I see how it is.” He kissed your ear before biting down on it lightly.

You laughed again, and considered continuing the joke, but you couldn’t. Not that day. You moved your hands up to take his face gently between them, bringing his gaze to meet yours.

“I love you, Joel Miller, every part of you, with all of my heart. I can’t wait to marry you. Every part of me belongs to you and our family. I never want to be without you ever again.” He looked stunned and then he smiled so wide you couldn’t help but return it. 

“We’re getting married.” He looked elated as he said it, like he’d forgotten and only just remembered. You grinned.

“Yeah, cowboy, we are. You even swept me off my feet.” You kicked at his ankles a bit, reminding him. He laughed.

Slowly, he reached down to pull out of you, humming as he felt his cum spill out of you with his cock. He fingered you lightly, pushing it around and making a mess. You raised your eyebrows at him and he grinned ruefully. “Ok, ok.”

He moved to the side and laid down, pulling you in so your head was resting on his chest and your leg was thrown over his. He tugged the part of the blanket you weren’t lying on over the two of you, holding you tight against him. You knew you’d want to go inside and clean up soon — you’d started to notice again how chilly it was — but for now you relaxed into his embrace. You were both quiet, reveling in the moment.

“I feel like you should have something, too,” you mused.

“What do you mean?” Joel picked up your left hand from where it rested on his chest and toyed with your ring before kissing your fingers. “I’ll get my own ring real soon.”

“I just want to get you something. Like, an engagement watch or belt buckle or something.” 

Joel burst into laughter, eyes crinkling. “A belt buckle? Baby, I don’t think that’s a thing.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him and tried not to laugh. “Well, we’ll just have to make it a thing, won’t we?” He laughed so hard he almost bounced you off his chest and onto the blanket. You grinned, making a mental note to enlist Sarah’s help to definitely get him an engagement belt buckle – the cheesiest one you could find, and soon. 

…

Later, when Tommy and Sarah got home, they found you dancing in the kitchen to the mix CD Joel and Sarah had made you the Christmas before, laughing and singing along to “Forever and Ever, Amen” as you made dinner. Sarah immediately gasped and zeroed in on the ring on your finger before you could even say anything. She screamed and jumped across the room to hug you both.

“Finally! I thought you were never going to do it.” She pinched her dad in the side and he squirmed away.

“Hey! I told you I was planning on New Year’s, you little meddler.” He was smiling wide as he teased her.

“Is this what you’ve been so excited about?” you wonder aloud. 

Sarah nodded at you, bouncing on her toes. “We bought the ring a month ago! Do you like it?”

“I love it, sweetheart, thank you. It’s beautiful.” She beamed at you and hugged you again. You laughed, holding on tight. Tommy came in and squished all four of you together in a hug. 

“Welcome to the family, sunshine!” He pulled you away from Joel and started dancing you around the room as Sarah and Joel laughed. “You’re stuck with us now.”

You grinned as he spun you around, catching Joel’s eye. “Stuck, huh? But there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

...

Jackson, Early Fall 2024

After that night you and Joel can be found together more often than not.

You don’t move in together, not yet – you want Ellie to be comfortable, and that’s more important than anything else. 

But you spend a lot of nights in each other's beds.

At first it surprises you, how quickly the two of you fall together again. But it shouldn’t, really. Just like you told Joel, the core of who you are is still the same, and who you are together was always something special. Something that had burrowed so deep inside of you, had become so much a part of you, that you’d mourned a part of yourself when it was lost. You’d assumed it was gone for good, right up until the moment Joel Miller touched you again. 

You have some difficult conversations, difficult in the sense that it’s hard for the both of you to talk about some parts of your past. But just like Before, Joel is there to catch you when you stumble over your words, there to hold you when the memories are too strong. You do the same for him.

And when Tommy and Maria’s baby is born in early summer, you’re there for each other for the hard moments and memories that come along with all of the good ones. (Ellie takes to her baby cousin Isabela and the joy of being the big cousin with wonder and enthusiasm – they’re like two peas in a pod of chaos. You still wish Sarah was there every day, but seeing them together heals you a bit, too.) 

Later in the summer, once he can come up for air after the baby is born, Tommy shows the three of you the lake near Jackson. Joel takes the opportunity to teach Ellie to swim, which results in a couple of hilarious afternoons with both Joel and Tommy ending up soaking wet when they don’t mean to be. You laugh at them from the grass nearby (or sometimes from the lake, with Ellie).

In early fall, on what seems like one of the last warm days of the year, the five of you go out to the lake. Maria leaves Isabela with her closest friend, taking advantage of the summer weather while you still have it. (You were surprised Maria wanted to come, since no one wanted to bring the baby outside the walls of Jackson, but she just shrugged and said she was getting stir crazy and wanted to spend the afternoon with family, that it would only be a couple of hours, anyway. Her smile was a little too knowing, a little suspicious. You’d narrowed your eyes, sure something was up, but couldn’t figure out what.) It’s a day off from work and school and Ellie bounces along beside you, excited to be out exploring. She’s adjusting well, but still needs to get away sometimes. 

You and Joel are walking slowly around the edge of the lake as Ellie and Tommy invent some sort of splashing game with extremely complex rules (that mostly result in Tommy getting soaked and Ellie grinning like a little demon the whole time). Maria just watches and laughs at their antics from her comfortable spot on a blanket next to the lake. Whatever the game is, they’re clearly having fun, and you leave them to it. 

Joel takes your right hand in his left, intertwining your fingers and squeezing, and says, “I still can’t really believe it, that we get to have all of this again.”

“I know what you mean. It’s starting to make the 20 years in between feel like a dream, which seems impossible.” He nods, agreeing. “I don’t think either of us will ever be unaffected,” you share a glance and the knowledge that both of you still have nightmares and rough days, “but it seems too good to be true.”

He pulls your hand up to his lips, kissing the back of it softly. “You know, Ellie pointed something out to me the other day.”

You turn to look at him when he doesn’t say anything more. “Oh?” You elbow him a little to urge him on. He smiles, one corner of his mouth lifting.

“We were talking about Before, and she pointed out that technically, we’ve been engaged for almost 22 years now. You know, we never officially called it off or anything.” 

You stumble a little and laugh, wondering where he’s going with this. “I mean, technically, she’s right.”

Joel grins at your reply and pulls you to stop, turning you to face him by grabbing your other hand. “And technically,” he winks, “that’s probably long enough for an engagement. We could probably, well. We could get married, um. If we wanted.” He looks a little shy, somehow, even after everything you’ve been through. 

Your breath catches in your throat. And for some reason the question that comes out is, “do people still do that?” 

He laughs, crinkling his nose at your question. “Yeah, I asked Tommy. Sounds like at least around here, people still do that.” Of course they do, you realize it as he says it – Tommy and Maria are married, after all. 

“I…” you trail off, words leaving you, overcome by a possibility that you hadn't once stopped to consider. He sees how surprised you are and tries to talk you through it.

“You know, there’s not one particular way, sounds like people just do whatever seems right to them, with a few witnesses or sometimes a party at the Bison or something. Something they like.” 

Your brain is coming back online and with it the force of your desire to be married to this man. It emerges from somewhere deep within you, pushed down and ignored for so many years because of how much it hurt to think about. You never stopped wanting it, not really, you only stopped being able to have it. It was out of reach for so long that it didn’t occur to you that you could have it now, even with Joel right in front of you, miraculously alive. You start to smile and he straightens up, smiling back and looking relieved.

“It’s just too bad we don’t have any kind of rings, you know?” He continues. You clear your throat, suddenly awkward, and he narrows his eyes at you. He knows you far too well. “What?”

“Well,” you start, “maybe we do have some rings.”

“Rings?” Joel’s eyes go wide as he emphasizes the end of the word, clearly incredulous both at their possible existence and at the idea that there might somehow be more than one ring available to you.

“I might have held something back, from the shoebox.” His mouth drops open and he pulls you closer. “I held onto mine, somehow, never lost it. I didn’t wear it of course, but I kept it close and never had it stolen.” He’s shaking his head in disbelief, looking down at your hands that are still clutched in his own like he might find it there on your finger, somehow unnoticed until now. “And then when I went back to the house, I found them. In your sock drawer.” He squeezes your hands so hard and looks so shocked you worry he might fall over.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” It’s a fair question.

“Well, at first it was like the rest of the shoebox – I was just waiting for a good time to tell you about it, and I did as soon as I could. But the rings…” You sighed. “I was trying not to push, you know? You said slow, and I agreed.”

“But we left slow behind months ago, darlin’.” He tugs you in closer, letting go of your hands to move his around your waist. You slide yours up his chest to his shoulders. 

“I know, but well, two reasons. One, it honestly hadn’t seemed possible in so long that I sort of… assumed people didn’t get married anymore. And two, well. It seemed kind of fast, to just bring it up right away. Hey, thanks for the mind-blowing orgasms, did you still want your wedding ring? Then I just made it more difficult by waiting and got all in my head about it.” He laughed and pulled your face into his chest, kissing along your hairline. 

“You could’ve said that. The orgasm thing. We have been engaged for 22 years, after all.” You can feel him laughing as he says it and for a second you marvel at the idea that it’s something you can both joke about. “Let me help get you out of your head, baby. We can work it out together.” He pulls back and to your surprise, for the second time in your life, Joel drops to one knee in front of you. His hands go to your hips and yours to his arms. He holds you up as your knees suddenly feel weak.

“I can’t beat that first proposal, I don’t think, especially not with our family right over there. So I’ll just say that I love you, darlin’, and I never stopped. I can’t believe I get another chance at spending the rest of my life with you. I’m not letting it pass me by. We were made for each other, after all.” You smile, and feel tears slip down your cheeks, just like last time. He squeezes your hips. “I know it won’t be easy all the time, but I’d rather handle the hard things together than apart. Even when the hard things come from us.” 

His eyes are looking a little teary, too, and he says your name softly. “It turns out we really did take the long way ‘round, but I’d like to go the rest of the way with you by my side, however long it turns out to be. Will you marry me, darlin’?”

You say yes, of course. You say yes, and fall into his arms again, just like last time. Joel draws you into a kiss, both of you on your knees, and then laughs when you slide your hand into his back pocket and squeeze. 

“We’re too old for me to take you right here on the ground like last time, baby, and we’ve got an audience anyway.” You look up to see Tommy, Maria and Ellie are all watching you, grinning. When you make eye contact with them they start cheering. It’s ridiculous and it makes you tear up again. Joel leans forward to whisper in your ear as they come running towards you, “I promise, honey, I’ll give it to you so good when we get home that you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” You shiver. 

You rise, just as Ellie arrives and throws herself at you both, getting you all wet with lake water. She smiles at you both and starts to poke at Joel as Tommy walks up behind her. 

“Well, what am I supposed to do, sunshine, welcome you to the family a second time? It don’t make any sense.” He grins at you, and pulls you into a hug. Maria is right behind him with another, and you realize that all three of them must have known what Joel was going to ask you today. 

Ellie looks up from where she’s teasing Joel mercilessly for being such a romantic. “Hey, why does he call you sunshine, anyway?”

Joel and Tommy start laughing, and you roll your eyes. “Come on, I’ll tell you the story on the way back.” 

“Aw come on, it’s not a long story,” Tommy grins as he needles you. He looks at Ellie. “We were at some bar and this guy wouldn’t leave her alone, got so far as putting his hand up her shirt. After she’d already pushed him away a couple times. She was dancing, we were over by the bar.”

Joel chimes in, “She took care of him, though. Didn’t need any help.” He’s grinning.

Tommy nods. “Yeah, it was beautiful. She grabbed him by the shoulders, shouted, ‘watch where you put your hands if you want to keep ‘em, fucker’ and kneed him straight in the di– erm, junk.” Tommy corrects himself, glancing at Joel. Ellie rolls her eyes.

“You can say dick. I’m not a fucking child.” Ellie crosses her arms and frowns at Tommy. Joel sighs, long-suffering, but you know he’s hiding a laugh. 

“Anyway,” Tommy shrugs, “the fucker folded in half right there on the dance floor, just fell right over and groaned. Everyone around them turned and laughed at him.” Tommy pretends to wipe a tear away from his eye. “He had to army crawl off the dance floor and creep his way outside. Truly, one of the most beautiful sights I ever saw.”

“Ok that is like, fucking awesome obviously, but it doesn’t explain the nickname.” Ellie raises her eyebrow at Tommy.

Joel and Tommy start snickering again. The absolute dorks.

“Sure, yeah, but you know,” Tommy snorts and says gleefully, “she got him where the sun don’t shine.” He and Joel laugh again, louder this time, leaning into each other. This time you roll your eyes, even as Ellie laughs, too. Tommy’s still just as pleased with himself for coming up with that nickname, more than 20 years later. He’s got the same look on his face as he did outside of the bar, crowing about the way you took the guy down. 

You and Ellie and Maria leave them there, leaning against each other and laughing, as you walk arm in arm back to where you left the horses. 

...

a/n: that’s it, y’all. Thank you for reading!! Every single one of your comments has meant so much to me. Please let me know what you think of the ending?

I bet I’ll add some drabbles showing some of this stuff that didn’t fit in the story. To answer your probable questions:

Yes, you get married. (Your rings don’t actually fit anymore, but neither of you care. You have them, that’s enough. And later you pass them on to Ellie.)

Yes, you do show Jackson how it’s done, dancing at the bar. You even bring out the mix CD. 

I handwaved the cure and resulting issues here but just know that however it went, they took care of it. 

You and Joel do talk about Tess and Michelle and everything else that happened. You tell Ellie all about Sarah and the extended family she would have had in Texas. Talking about them hurts but seeing her wonder, hearing about her huge family, helps. 

You and Ellie talk about Michelle and she eventually opens up to you about her crush on Cat, bringing the two of you closer together. 

Joel still sings to you in the kitchen and dances with you in the backyard. 

You’re all happy, in the end. It’s hard, and sometimes it’s so hard you think it might not work out. But it always does, and you’re happy. Together. 

Tag list

@morgaussy @jay-zzle @bluetattoos @dins-riduur-anthe @huffle-punk @poodlebae

[dinsdjrn]

gone, from austin | j. miller | part two

brothers best friend!pre-outbreak!joel x f!reader

summary: Joel Miller: the one that got away; right person, wrong time. Now you’re back in Austin and it hurts just as bad, as if you’d never left five years ago. [w.c. 2.4k]

warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, no use of y/n, light angst, Sarah is alive and well, f!reader, smoking, depression, brief mentions of a mental breakdown, implied cheating (not joel), ex-lovers to lovers, eventual smut, slow burn, lmk if i missed anything <3

💌 a/n: FINALLY a part two? who am i?? anyways not sure how i feel about this story... but i know how i want it to end so ill keep going for that. lmk your thoughts <3

previous part | next part | masterlist

Part two | May 2002

You were a work of art, that’s the hardest part.

It had been three weeks since you had gotten home. You had become more than a bit of a hermit, looking and applying for jobs. You made yourself sparse in the house, you understood everything your brother did was an open invitation to you, but it was easier to disappear. It also gave you time to process, when you left Toronto it was a whirlwind, but now it was a dulling ache. Friends had reached out, wondering where you went, if you were okay. You gave them enough information so they wouldn’t worry, but not enough to come looking for you.

It was Friday morning, just like any other morning, you were searching through medical journals and websites looking for job postings. Search, apply, wait, and wait some more. It wasn’t very thrilling, but it was something to do to keep your head above water.

The alarm on your phone had begun ringing, 10 am, you reached into your desk drawer and took your meds. They filled a hole in your head you hadn’t known was there until you had a small breakdown two years ago. It was something only a few people in your life knew about, it wasn’t something you ever really wanted out there. There was almost a shamefulness to it, no one in Austin knew, and then one person in Toronto who knew about it was no longer welcome in your life. So you move on, continue as you have and hope that your ticket out comes sooner rather than later. 

A soft knock came at your door. 

“Come in!” You said, closing the desk drawer quickly. 

“Hey! Someone is at the door for you,” Kelsey popped her head in and smiled. 

You looked down at your Dell Med School t-shirt and Roots sweatpants and laughed lightly. 

“Is it anyone important?” You asked embarrassed gesturing to your pajama centered clothing choices. 

“I am sure they won’t even notice.”

You sighed and stood up, you lightly stretched and made your way downstairs. Just as the entryway came into view there was Sarah and Joel, Sarah with her backpack on and Joel shifting uncomfortably looking at the floor. 

“Hey guys,” you said, smiling at them. 

“Hey!” Sarah smiled. 

“What’s up? Shouldn’t you be at school already?” You questioned. 

“I had a dentist appointment this morning. We just came back to the house to grab my bag, but I wanted to see if you were around tonight,” She swayed, clearly hoping you’d say yes.

“I’m uh-, not sure,” You looked at Joel for guidance but he wasn’t paying any attention to you his sole focus was on Sarah. 

“I just really wanted to have that sleepover you promised! My dad is going out tonight and suggested it would be a good time for us to hang out and -“

“But only if you are available and want to,” Joel interrupted.

“Oh, yeah! That sounds like it could be fun. Why don’t I come over around 5ish and we can order some pizza?” You smiled at her. 

It would be much more comfortable without Joel there, you had felt like you were walking on eggshells when he would pop over to have a beer with Jake or help Kelsey fix things around the house. 

Joel nodded. 

“Alright baby girl, time to get you to school,” he began shuffling Sarah out the door. 

“See you tonight!” Sarah called over her shoulder. 

You waved at her in response and when the door clicked closed you pinched the bridge of your nose. 

“You know, she really did miss having you around,” Kels leaned against the doorway behind you. 

“I know,” You sighed, “I just don’t know what I’m getting myself into.”

“What do you mean? You’ve known her since she was just a little kid. You’re not getting yourself into anything except maybe forgiving yourself for hurting her.” Kelsey said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You don’t fucking get it! This isn’t a permanent solution. I can’t stay, I don’t belong here anymore! I don’t want to get her hopes up that I might by hanging out with her and letting things go back to the way they were. That will just hurt her again.” You snapped, a pang of annoyance in your chest.

“You being here and ignoring her, it hurts them both. You can talk a big game about how you don’t belong here, but this is your home, your family. I don’t know what happened between you and Joel, but it is clear he still cares about you. Is staying really the worst thing? At least thinking about it?” 

“They are not my family, you and Jake absolutely are. And you’re right, maybe this was home once, but it’s not anymore. All that’s left is a permanent scar of what could have been. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” You turned to walk up the stairs. 

Kelsey came and put her hand over yours on the railing. 

“Look I’m sorry if I overstepped. I only want to see you happy,” Her voice was soft and apologetic. 

You just nodded in response and made your way back up the stairs, once in your room you made your way to the bed and cried into your pillow. You knew the love for Austin was there, it had always been there, but so was the hurt. The pain would always be there too, it painted your soul in blues and grays. That’s the hardest part, how beautifully life painted your anguish here. 

The day came and went quickly, and you felt unprepared for your sleepover with Sarah. You knew it would be nice to hang out, do face masks and watch a few movies, but your anxiety was palpable. You were worried it would feel like grasping at a life you could’ve had, but were strictly denied. 

You made your way next door around five and before you could even knock the door had swung open and Sarah was pulling you inside. 

“You’re here! Finally, I’ve been thinking about what we could do tonight all day. Dad said he would call a few pizzas in, we went to CVS after school too! I got nail polish, face masks, and some weird snacks,” Sarah spoke excitedly. 

It gave you a bit of whiplash, barely able to even get in a few “Alrights” or “Sounds Fun”’s in. 

“Woah, woah, Sarah slow down,” Joel said as you made your way into their living room. 

He was sitting on the couch in a black t-shirt and Levis, his hair was wet and the messy ways were pushed off his forehead. He was still so devilishly handsome, he never tried too hard with his looks, but that didn’t mean he didn’t look good; it arguably made him more attractive. 

“A’right, I’m going to get outta here,” He put his hands on his lap and made his way to stand, “Tommy is gonna be here any second.” 

“Dad, did you remember to order pizza?” Sarah asked with a hint of annoyance. 

“Oh shit,” he felt his pockets pulling out his phone, “I’ll call on the way over to the bar.”

“Don’t worry about it, Joel. I’ll get it,” You smiled softly at him, pulling out your own phone. 

“Y’sure?” He asked. 

“Yes, yes, she’s sure, now, go have fun. We have a very important girls night to get started on.” Sarah shooed her father toward the door.

Joel just laughed and rolled his eyes, you shrugged in response. 

As soon as you heard the door shut Sarah came rushing back to the living room. 

“Sorry, he’s a mess,” Sarah laughed.

“I can see that nothing has changed,” You laughed with her. 

You both fell into a comfortable conversation, it was nice to see Sarah so happy. She was completely different then when you had left, yet somehow exactly the same. 

The night was spent watching cheesy rom-coms, doing face masks and nails, and eventually Sarah had fallen asleep in her pajamas on the couch. It was nearly one in the morning, you placed a blanket over her small frame and began quietly tidying the living room. 

The night had warmed your heart in a way you weren’t sure you’d be able to feel again. Sarah was such a light in your life for so long, and now she was turning into this beautiful and kind teenager. You had talked all about her school, Joel and Tommy’s shenanigans, and what’s been happening around Austin. She didn’t push you though, you had talked about Toronto and being away from home without delving into any fresh wounds.

 It was nice, it felt good to know when you left it wasn’t your last memory of Sarah. You worried for years it had been and you’d have to watch her grow through the lens of your brother, but here she was in the flesh. 

You sighed, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge and pouring any extra soda from your glasses down the drain. You went and checked on Sarah after you had finished cleaning up to make sure she was still sleeping. She hadn’t even stirred, so you took this as the best opportunity to step outside and have a smoke. 

It wasn’t something you were proud of, but was something that you would normally only do after particularly stressful days. Today would classify as one, you didn’t like fighting with Kels. That, plus the anxiety of coming to the Miller’s and not knowing what to expect, warranted a need to de-stress. 

You made your way into the backyard, only closing the screen door in case Sarah woke up, and placed a cigarette between your lips. Just as you were searching through your bag for a light a voice startled you. 

“Hey, I didn’t know you smoked?” Joel. 

Fuck, you knew he probably wouldn’t have been much later, but it felt pathetic to be sneaking a cigarette on his back porch. 

“Not often, but you’d be surprised how common it is in healthcare.” You said finding the lighter and lighting the end. 

He looked at you for a moment, and you realized maybe he didn’t want you smoking on his back porch. 

“Oh, shit sorry, you okay if I-“ 

“Oh, yeah, I don’t really care,” he hurried before you could finish your question.

“Cool,” you said. 

The silence grew uncomfortable between you two. 

“I, uh, didn’t mean to startle y’a there,” Joel said. 

“Oh,” 

“I just saw the light on and wondered if you were out here.” 

“And here I was…”

“Here you were,” He shifted, “You always loved it back here. Sitting looking up at the stars after Sarah went to bed.”

“Yeah, I think I missed the stars the most while I was in Toronto,” you sighed. 

“I always thought they’d’ve had more stars up there,” he looked up at the sky. 

You had finished about half of the cigarette and put it out, it wasn’t doing anything for you at the moment except make you want to shower. 

“Not in the city, it was like a shitty, colder, New York,” You laughed. 

Joel chuckled at your comment. He came closer to you and leaned on the railing of the deck with you. It felt almost suffocating, he was so close to you and it felt so intimate. 

“Y’know, we’re really happy you’re here,” He said quietly. 

“Joel, don’t…” you warned. 

“I mean it, Sarah never stopped asking about you. She missed you, this girl's night made her whole year.” 

“Joel, please,” you whispered, tears welling in your eyes. You already carried so much guilt for leaving Sarah with nothing but a goodbye. You knew he was trying to comfort you but he was crushing your soul with guilt instead. 

“I’m sorry darlin’ I just… always asked myself what if things were different. Where we would be, how would Sarah be different if you had stayed,” 

His words ignited a fire within you, one that burned in anger and resentment. Who was he to ask what if, when he gave no choice in whether or not you had a chance at finding out. 

“We could talk about maybes and what ifs until we’re blue in the face, it doesn’t turn back time. Doesn’t change anything between us. You made a choice, Joel, and so you don’t get the what if’s,” You snapped. 

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. 

“I’m allowed to wonder,” He retorted. “You weren’t the only one hurt, y’know?”

“Well guess what, I wasn’t the one that wanted out when things got a little bit complicated.”

“Wanted out? You think I wanted out?! Fucking Christ, I didn’t want to hold you back. I have no choice but to stay in Austin, letting you go meant that you wouldn’t be tied down here!” His voice was quiet, but he was clearly irritated.

“I didn’t need you to let me go, I’m very capable of making my own choices. And if I had chosen to stay I needed you to tell me everything would be okay.” 

You weren’t speaking in a hushed tone like he was. You were frustrated, angry, he had completely backtracked on your breakup. Tears stung your eyes, you were frustrated and confused. 

“I’m done talking about this, Joel,” You said, wiping the tears away from your eyes. “You said your piece five years ago, and nothing is going to change that.”

You turned to head back inside, now that he was here you’d be able to walk back over to Jake’s and go to sleep. Make an attempt at forgetting this conversation ever happened and pretend your night ended with you and Sarah asleep on the couch. 

Joel grabbed your wrist before you got too far. 

“Please, just let me explain.” He pleaded. 

You pulled your wrist from his grip and left as promptly as you came. 

Your chest was tight and it was as if you could feel your heart shattering all over again into a million little pieces. The ghost of his love haunted you for years. He was still the same man you fell in love with, that much was certain. In that, it also meant, he was still the same man who broke your heart. 

And that was a risk you were not willing to take. 

To spiral out, to try and float, to see a friend, to see a ghost.

tags: @thetriumphantpanda @fruit-frogs @wand-erer5 @missgurrl @casa-boiardi @harriedandharassed @undrthelights @wishyoudaskme @reader-without-a-story @morning-star-joy @tightjeansjavi & once again sorry if i missed anyone or lmk if youd like to be on the taglist xo.

[bagelrites]

Moon

DNF fluff - the baby video

Dream didn’t notice George had slipped into the office until there was a hand on his shoulder. He jumped, then saw the familiar reflection on his monitors, and took his headphones off, shaking his hair out as he spun around to face him.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi.” George put his hands on his hips. “What’s this about you crying to baby videos of yourself?”

Dream laughed. Of course George saw the tweets immediately—he had all his notifications on.

“Oh, nah, it’s just, you know, for the music video.” Dream shrugged. “I didn’t really cry just, like… got misty eyed.”

“Mn.” George shifted his weight, and in the simple softening of his eyes, Dream knew he was relieved to hear it. George hated when he cried and couldn’t fix it.

“Show me,” he said then, and it took Dream by surprise.

“Show you, like, what I have so far?” Dream asked.

“No, the video.” George shook his head. “The one that made you cry.”

“Well, okay, again, I didn’t actually cry—but, like, whatever. Sure.” 

Dream turned back to his computer, pulled his chair close to the desk, and navigated out of his editing set up to find just the video itself, the raw file from his desktop. He didn’t open it full-screen, because the quality was too grainy for that to look good, and just felt it in a window, floating there in the middle of the screen. 

George leaned over his shoulder, made an impatient hand-gesture, and Dream hit play.

Dream, just three years old, standing in the driveway of his childhood home. Chalk on the concrete, grass green and freshly mowed behind him. His hair, blonder, short but still a little curly, and his hand on his cheek, the fingers clumsy, arm chubby.

His eyes up towards the sky, his tiny voice projected loud.

Moon, wake up!

And then he’s facing the camera, his round head and pouty lips, eyes big and sad, nose so small, like a kitten’s, barely protruding from his face. The camera pans up past houses and tree branches all in shadow, frames the crescent moon in the lavender sky, a white dot with the date superimposed under it.

NOV 10 2002

It’s a short video. Just eleven seconds long, but George seems immersed in it, makes another motion with his hand, signaling for Dream to play it again. He puts it on loop, and lets him watch it five times before he stops.

“There, happy?” he asks, but when he looks at George again, his cheeks are shining in the light of the computer.

“Oh my god. You’re actually crying.”

“What? No, I’m not, shut up.” George backs away and wipes his face, shaking his head vehemently, but Dream’s heart is already gone to pieces in his chest.

“Georgie…” he says his name quiet, reaches out with a gentle hand to grab just the tips of his fingers.

George slides his hand into his palm, squeezes at the meat of it, just under his thumb.

“It’s just—your nose,” George chokes out the words, and Dream laughs.

“What? My nose?”

“Yeah. It was so… small and cute,” George blubbers, still wiping his tears with the back of his hand. “You were so small and cute.”

“Oh my god.” Dream rolled his eyes, his smile pressing dimples into his cheeks. “You’ve seen my baby photos before.”

“Mn. Not the same.” George shakes his head and steps closer, spins Dream’s chair properly towards him so he can climb into his lap. Dream huffs at the weight, but holds him, rubbing his back and his hair.

“I want a little you running around,” George admits softly, and Dream sighs. He knows. God, he knows.

“Me too,” Dream says, and kisses him on the earlobe. “Someday. Yeah?”

George hums, nodding his head with his forehead pressed into Dreams.

Dream kisses his nose, and George crinkles his face up, giggling, then returns the gesture—only this time, it's softer, more reverent, this peck on the very tip of Dream’s nose. He doesn’t need to say it. Dream just closes his eyes and presses his cheek to George’s cheek, sharing heat like a promise.

[livwritesstuff]

2002, established relationship, dads!steddie living in boston with their 1yo daughter, another excerpt of this bc i think it's my actual fav part

“I’m done with this goddamn city,” Ed yelled up the stairs, “So fuckin’ serious, Steve. I’m out.”

Steve sighed, well-acquainted with this one of Ed’s many tirades.

Just as he was standing up from where he’d been sitting at his desk looking over some notes and prepping for a counseling session later that afternoon, he heard the door shut loudly (though not a full slam, he noted, because Ed had Moe with him). He headed out into the hallway in time to see Ed coming up the stairs, Moe balanced in one arm.

“What happened now?” Steve asked.

“An idiot BU kid driving Daddy’s Lexus almost T-boned me with Moe in the backseat because — apparently — red lights are just a fucking suggestion here.”

“I mean…I’m pretty sure you ran every red light in Hawkins when you were nineteen.”

It wasn’t a helpful comment, per se, and Steve knew that, but when Ed was riled up like this, there really weren’t any helpful comments available.

“That’s entirely different,” Ed countered, passing Moe over to him so he could pull off his own jacket, “There’s, like, six people on the road at any given moment in Hawkins, and two traffic lights.”

“Okay, well, we can move, love,” Steve said tiredly, steadily approaching his limit for how many times he could listen to Eddie rant about this particular issue without taking any sort of real action to solve it, “Nobody said we had to stay in Boston. Also — we can actually afford to buy a house now, so…”

“Wha— we can?”

“A down payment, yeah.”

“The fuck is a downpayment?”

“Uh…” Steve paused. He’d long since become comfortable with his role in his and Ed’s finances — being that he’s almost entirely in charge of them. He knew that Ed had grown up worrying about money in a way that Steve never had to so he actually liked being able to take over that part of their life together. He liked being able to let Ed not think about it (even though sometimes it meant that his thirty-five-year-old life partner asked him what a goddamn down payment was), “It’s kind of like putting a security deposit down on an apartment, except instead of for securing a lease, it’s for securing a loan — sort of. That’s…there’s better ways of explaining it, and there’s a lot more to it, but it’s sort of like we’re paying a certain amount of the mortgage upfront to prove that we’re committed to paying it off month-to-month.”

“How much is it?”

“Depends,” Steve shrugged, running a hand over Moe’s hair as she started to doze off, her head drooping down to rest on his shoulder, “Pretty sure twenty percent is considered, like, ideal, or something, so it all comes down to what our budget is.”

“What’s our budget?”

Steve leveled an eyebrow at him.

“What?” Ed asked.

“Do you actually wanna know? Because when I tried to show you our electric bill last week you pretended to be asleep.”

“Uh — buying a fuckin’ house together is totally different from you reprimanding me about leaving the heat on too long.”

“I don’t think I’d have to reprimand you anymore if you saw the electric bill.”

“Okay — yes, Stevie, I actually would like to be involved in our finances just this once because I care very, very deeply about us buying a house. I really do.”

“Alright,” he replied, knowing he still sounded a tad skeptical, “I mean, if you actually wanna know about this stuff, I’ve got some spreadsheets I’ve been using to keep track of that kind of thing, and we can—”

“Baby, if you wanted to talk about spreading sheets, all you had to do was ask,” Ed grinned wickedly, an expression that slowly began to fade as his eyes slid off of Steve’s and onto the opposite wall, probably as he considered how wise a comment that had been to make.

Steve stared at him for a long while.

“Okay,” he finally said, “I’m gonna go put our child down for a nap. If in that time you decide you can be a grownup while we talk about spending a fuck-load of money on property we’ll own and be entirely responsible for, let me know.”

“You got it, man.” 

[deadlyflan]

32.) What was the first thing you've made for TMNT?

38.) Do you generally stick close to canon, or diverge from it?

oooOOOooo! Thank you!

32.) The very first thing i made for TMNT is lost to the ages, but it was a pencil drawing of Raphael on loose leaf paper during a 'study hall' break in the school library sitting at a table with a bunch of third grade boys. I was the only girl at the table and they were drawing "war zone turtle fights," but their drawings of the turtles looked like stick figures with a blob shell on their back. So I wiped out some paper and drew a turtle with muscles. Completely blew them away. I was included with the remaining turtle fight drawings.

[*Flexing*] Oh yeah, I impressed some third graders.

The first thing i made for online fandom is still posted. It's such a 'baby's first fanfic.' If you're into cringe from 2002, you can could still read it here (when fanfiction.net fixes itself. As of 6:30pm(EST) on 7/13/24, the site is temporarily down.) The fic is called "Hanami." It's got 'boys meet girl turtles, none of the trigger warnings it should have, and a very, very, very minimal plot.

Mostly, I hadn't heard of IRC or forums and was using the comments section to make fandom friends.

38.) I love exploring the nooks and crannies of canon. I tend to write canon divergent fic. I'll start from a time and location in canon that we all know and understand, then add a twist and go from there.

I do love reading completely wild AUs, though. So maybe someday I'll write a completely untethered AU... like...

The year is 1863, and it's sweltering hot even at night in the early summer days in New York City. The city may have its American born citizens, but waves of immigrants continually flood the streets, looking for work and settling their families into tenements and rented rooms.

The Jones family are English stock. The O'Neils are Irish. Neither of them have been in the States for more than two generations. Their kids have been running gangs and throwing glass bottles at each other for longer than April (she goes by Abe) has been able to fit into her brother's hand-me-downs.

Spunky and cutthroat, Abe led a squad of red-headed cousins into an ambush on the Jones boys in the alleyways behind old Leatherhead's Ironworks and Ferrier Shop. The attack went sideways in the darkening twilight and spooked horses bolt from their stalls. Casey, April, and all their cousins are in the path of rearing horses and stomping hooves.

From the shadows, shouts in a strange language-- Strong bodies-- Coordinated movements-- Helping hands that jerk the children out of harm's way-- It's a miraculous rescue!! There's four ROMA boys, covered in masks and caps, loose shirts and pants corralling the horses and quieting the scene.

It's hard to tell much about them in the darkness, but one steps forward to speak. In accented English, he scolds them. "You could have hurt the horses. Get out of here. Play your war games somewhere else!"

Candle light glows behind the shutters of a window on the second floor. A second one of the boys calls, "Mr. Leatherhead's awake. You're in for it now!"

Abe and Casey trade looks and whistle for their kin. As they're turning to bolt before the blacksmith comes downstairs, the shutters bang open and square of light falls into the alley. Right on top of the Roma boy. Abe spots that his GREEN foot only has TWO toes! "Wait--what's ?!?"

Abe is pulled away by one of her larger cousins. "C'mon! We can't be the last ones here!" He spits at the ground just in front of their saviors just to prove that no Irishman ever ran from some Roma punks. Then he drags Abe away to disappear into the warren of streets around the Five Points Slum.

...Then a whole historical fiction fic set during the Civil War years in New York City, climaxing during the Draft Riots in NYC in July of 1863, where the turtles and Splinter are sacred members of a larger extended family of Romanichal Travellers who have taken up residence in the tenement behind the blacksmith's shop.

Terrible prejudices guide just about every social interaction in the bustling city, but Mr. Leatherhead doesn't seem to mind anyone's family roots. Abe has heard horrifying stories of gypsies--and she's seen one's misshapen foot! Perhaps they are subhuman demons!

Or perhaps--when the Union Army tries to press every man in her Irish immigrant family into service and the city erupts in violence and fire--Those incredible Roma boys, their very human extended family, and maybe even that idiot Englishman Casey Jones... are the right sort of people to have in her corner.

... but i already have two other HUGE WIPs in progress.

And three silly little fics that I'm probably going to overthink.

AND this fic would need SO MUCH RESEARCH to be as sensitively written as possible, because Roma, Travellers, Romanichal are real, actual people with a diverse and chronically misrepresented culture. There's still ACTIVE anti-Roma prejudice all over Europe/UK/US... um... and everywhere? It's bad. It's something I would have to be VERY VERY careful about writing.

Also, I want to get the history right too! Writing about anything touching the Civil War has to be done with care--I'm pro-Union, but not everyone in the story would be, some because of their views on slavery and others simply because they didn't want to be drafted. I would want to set out the story in a way that was clear, but neither preachy nor callous.

But mostly... if I'm going to make the TMNT and Splinter a set of kickass Roma family members, I don't want to turn the culture I'm pulling from into a cartoon.

Side note, if anyone IS Roma, or even more specifically, Romanichal, and wouldn't mind doing some cultural consulting for this fic, I would love to speak with you!

ETA for fic publishing... uh... with the speed I write, I'll post it for my 60th birthday. So, sometime in the year 2040.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 08/06/2024 (Eminem's "Houdini", Fred again../Anderson .Paak/CHIKA, Chappell Roan)

It’s been over two decades for Eminem and his new lead single is still debuting at #1 on the UK Singles Chart, becoming his 11th overall. It’s stupid as all Hell, but it might be worth to have some lightening up in the rap world after, well, you know. As for whatever else is charting… well, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, death, gay sex, uncomfortable age gaps, The Real Slim Shady, transphobia, cancel culture, 70s Italian cinema, RuPaul

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts - songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to some rap as “Malicious Intentions” by Poser drops out - a shame it couldn’t last or reach the top 40 since I do really like that as a follow-up - as well as Future and Metro Boomin’s work naturally dampening off with “Type Shit” featuring Travis Scott and Playboi Carti, and “Like That” featuring Kendrick Lamar. Our three other notable dropouts, unless I’m missing anything, are older pop hits: “Teenage Dreams” by Katy Perry, “Tears Dry on Their Own” by the late Amy Winehouse and finally, “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac. Again.

As for our notable gains and returns, we see the resurgence of “Without Me” by Eminem, as his newest single actually landed his biggest first-week sales since that track hit #1 back in 2002, according to the Official Charts Company’s article about “Houdini”… and looking at the top 10 it spent one week on top of, yeah, I’m happy Em took that one. That is a rough week, imagine if I was doing this show in 2002. The new song of course makes reference to and interpolates “Without Me”, yet another one of his goofy lead singles that tend to be really fun highlights of any of his albums, but the original is back at #38. Notably, it spent some time at the very bottom of the chart in 2004 and 2022. Oh, and Becky Hill’s #3 album gave “Outside of Love” the chance to re-enter at #73 though none of the deep cuts ended up debuting, which is a bit of a shame.

Then of course, there are some more predictable boosts for songs already on the chart like “on one tonight” and “one of wun” by Gunna at #57 and #30 respectively, “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by people who should know better at #55, “Addicted” by Zerb, The Chainsmokers and Ink at #54, “360” by Charli XCX at #41 - wonder if the Yung Lean and Robyn remix has anything to do with it - “The Door” by Teddy Swims at #28 and finally, “Pink Skies” by Zach Bryan at #25. Most of these are ones I cannot really complain about, good stuff.

As for our top five, we start with pretty much seeing Billie Eilish’s single choice switch in realtime as “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” remains at #5 whilst “LUNCH” falls right below, then we have “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey at #4 - shame the album didn’t seem to have much of an impact - followed by “BAND4BAND” by Central Cee and Lil Baby at a new peak of #3, “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter dropping off to #2 and of course, with over 100,000 sales, which is a pretty big deal for the UK, Slim Shady at #1 with “Houdini” which we’ll get back to after these messages.

New Entries

#69 - “Carry You Home” - Alex Warren

Produced by Adam Yaron

Okay, I’ll bite: who’s Alex Warren? Well, he’s a young singer-songwriter from California who struggled in childhood due to his parents’ troubles and having to leave home as a teenager, dealing with homelessness for a while, but has channelled that into both a music career and as an Internet personality and YouTube vlogger, which has given him some viral circulation but nothing enough to chart until this year, where after two other tracks bubbling under, he has his breakout new song, “Carry Me Home”, which sticks with me for an interesting reason.

Whilst given that it’s mentioned on his Genius, his Wikipedia and Spotify biographies, and articles by Distractify and Forbes, that his come-up, probably regarded by the more cynical as a “sob story”, is in some way integral to the public image he wishes to portray, it’s clear that it’s embedded in these lyrics as well. One could take them as generic loving platitudes, but the emphasis on a long, going-the-distance relationship that is as passionate in the future as it is in the present, feels very immersed in a guy trying to improve on the example of relationship his parents left him, or really lack thereof given his mother’s addiction and father’s untimely death due to cancer. He mentions not having a place to sleep in the second verse and the song is mostly about marriage, mentioning his mind being on his mother when he says “I do”, bringing that joy of a “traditional” relationship and wedding to a family he never really got the “perfect” version of. Lyrically, I really like these notions, yet I don’t find much to be inspired by in musical execution. The reverb-drenched vocals in the pre-chorus are distracting and he doesn’t have the most unique voice in the world, and the sequencing overall is a bit wonky: there’s very little effective build-up into the stomp-clap frolick of the sing-a-long chorus. Additionally, it just feels a bit rote in its choice of vocal melodies and musical elements, like a factorial way of constructing this kind of song, which sucks considering how personal the lyrics are to him. I’m sure this means more to long-time fans of him, but on a sonic level, I’m not really feeling it at all. Sorry.

#68 - “Red Wine Supernova” - Chappell Roan

Produced by Dan Nigro, Noah Conrad and Lixa

Whilst “Good Luck, Babe!” was the breakout hit for Chappell Roan, it was a new release that took advantage of existing hype solidied from existing releases, particularly on her album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess which is an album revolving around an overexaggerated pop persona whilst also heavily including narratives surrounding her own identity as a queer woman. More LGBT-related concept albums about famous people are coming on this chart week and it’s just funny that I can say that over-specific thing happens not once but twice in these debuts... and I’m not sure she’d like the comparison. Regardless, her two songs that have been bubbling under for a long time are now in the top 75, acting as some of the strongest singles from that album - commercially, at least, I have yet to listen to it in full - that helped prep the fanbase and now general audience for the sleeper smash that was to come.

I was excited when I heard the jangly guitars mixed with Roan’s almost cabaret voice on the intro to “Red Wine Supernova”, before the synth bloops came in almost immediately and whilst the buzzing clash of the two elements later in the track is compelling, it does really disappoint me when a song crashes into synthpop pastiche like that. This is a song about particularly passionate and envigorating lesbian sex, so the dissonance of the somewhat static, distorted electro-rock groove with the point of blissful, organic euphoria in the chorus shouldn’t be that difficult of a metaphor to figure out. The cute back-and-forths in the verses are pretty funny, the pre-chorus is maddeningly catchy… but I still don’t vibe with the main momentum of the song, it feels predictable past its main trick and once you’ve heard that first chorus, her pre-empting the drums coming in during that moment with a goofy ad-lib just feels extraneous the second time, and I really don’t like how the drums mesh with it anyway, it feels too… obvious, I guess. And much like “Good Luck, Babe!”, there’s a disruptive bridge but this one isn’t narratively disrupting, going for a bit of a disco-rap pivot that is equally reminiscent of the “Shake it Off” cringe as it is the natural fall into faster and sassier vocal deliveries you can hear in a surprising amount of queercore and riot grrl punk. One of my favourite examples is the back-and-forth between the vocalists on Team Dresch’s “Yes I Am Too, But Who Am I Really?”, where the two topics of expressing yourself amidst discrimination and being submissive in the bedroom intertwine chaotically and playfully but really make you think about sex’s place in queer identity, whilst also just having a fascinating relationship between the song’s groove and where the words are placed. Chappell Roan’s bridge goes for a similar idea and is just as effective, it’s just that the surrounding sonics aren’t as dynamic or really just to my taste. I can tell the passion is there, as well as crucially, the honesty, but it might not be reflected within the flashy pop production, which is a shame because unlike “Good Luck, Babe!”, the pieces are here for me to love this.

#61 - “She’s Gone, Dance On” - Disclosure

Produced by Guy Lawrence and Howard Lawrence

There are quite a few dance tracks to get through this week, and from many familiar faces, some less familiar than others, some less frequent chart fixtures, some more respected figures, but still a good deal of EDM debuted this week, probably due to it being slower in general and we start with wonky house duo Disclosure, who I generally like. This track has a somewhat peculiar choice of sample: “Dance On” by Italian composer Ennio Morricone, from the 1978 film Così come sei, or Stay as You Are in English. A European erotic romance drama with “ravishing” performances and songs like “Dance On” as the soundtrack, which is a killer slice of slightly dissonant-feeling disco, having a falsetto chant sharing space with synth freakouts but in a call-and-response format that is both fascinating and renders the track tense and almost instrumental, this seems like the kind of film I would consider a guilty pleasure. The lead actress, Natassja Kinski, who was… 17 at the time? Doing nude scenes with a guy in his mid-50s? And she now regrets this film entirely, disapproving of her scenes and saying she wouldn’t let her daughter do it? Okay, well, firstly, I shouldn’t have expected anything less from 70s continental Europe art films, but also, abort, abort, mission abort, let’s not think about the sample’s origins any longer.

Regardless of what sketchy film it tracks its way from, it’s a song that seems built for a French house flip, especially due to its extended instrumental breaks, and Disclosure do just that, with some glading tropical guitars, a steady if predictable house groove and an emphasis on bringing some bliss and transcendency out of a vintage, maybe dated-sounding sample, which is something Disclosure have always done when working with similar samples - “Love Can be So Hard” is a brilliant example of this. The added shuffling percussiion makes the moments of synth magic even more relieving, and the level of detail in sound design is expectedly immaculate and crafted to ridiculous degrees: the little moment in the pre-drop where the synth briefly wanks out in a zig-zag style before the beat comes back in fully is such a nice, goofy touch - there’s a lot of goofiness this week - and that bridge / outro with the glitched, screechier synth that gets shut off into a murmur is great. It’s almost weird to talk about a song like this on here - it feels like one of the many future funk songs I’d find randomly on Spotify and jam to them in my own time, never really thinking about how to review them. But I’m not upset it’s here - whilst I understand that my enjoyment of this pries on very specific genre preferences, it’s outstanding in its field, this is excellent stuff.

#59 - “Set My Heart on Fire” (“I’m Alive” x “And the Beat Goes On”) - Majestic, The Jammin Kid and Céline Dion

Produced by Majestic and Lee Tyler

Wow, been a while since we had a mouthful like this on the chart because dear God, what on earth is this? Let’s start with the artists, as that should be easier. Majestic is an English DJ known mostly for his hit remix of Boney M.’s “Rasputin” that I reviewed back in 2021 and thought was just okay, whilst The Jammin Kid is new to the chart, and seemingly new to streaming services entirely as he has no other work on even SoundCloud than just this track and its remix. What he does have, however, is a TikTok following so I think his social media presence may have led to a credit on this track, especially since I tracked down the mashup idea to a TikTok of his with a couple hundred thousand likes wherein he does the typical “pretend to do anything on a mixing board” as he dances around to an obviously pre-programmed mashup of the two tracks in this medley, which is probably not enough for a track on its own so took a cosign from Majestic to get on Spotify, who also probably helped with his connections to get the sample cleared.

The original mashup, available on The Jammin Kid’s SoundCloud, is a pretty straightforward mashup with a few additional production touches but no outright reworking, pairing Canadian legend Céline Dion’s 2002 hit “I’m Alive” with the soul group The Whispers’ 1979 classic “And the Beat Goes On”, their only #1 on the US dance and R&B charts, and one of their biggest hits in general, as it peaked at #2 in the UK in 1980, behind Kenny Rogers’ “Coward of the Country”, and is an iconic, undeniable funk track. If you think you don’t recognise it, listen to those first few measures and have all the memories coming back. Once again, it makes perfect sense for a French house remix. That’s not what The Jammin Kid did though, he placed the vocals of a Céline Dion song from beyond her biggest era and one that didn’t even chart on the US Hot 100. A big worldwide hit, of course, because it’s still Céline Dion, but at least from my experience, not one nearly as remembered as the instrumental he’s being paired with. I also don’t really like the song, frankly, it’s some adult contemporary schmaltz that wastes Dion’s iconic voice. It did peak at #17 in the UK however, whilst Blazin’ Squad’s cover of the Bone Thugs classic “Crossroads” was #1. Similarly to the Whispers, it is built for sampling and actually has a history of being made more upbeat and disco-influenced. A popular remix of the time places the vocal against a soundalike of Blondie's "Heart of Glass".

The mashup itself is fine if kind of lacking in much more of an idea than just “this song works on this song”, which is sometimes all you need, but I definitely prefer the more intricate house remix from Majestic, which phases out its isolated instrumental elements from “And the Beat Goes On” is a very wispy way that absorbs the smoother elements of the original mashup rather than fully reimagining it in sped-up house form, which does help it go down a bit easier considering all the glitz and saccharine nature of mixing two very famous and shimmery songs together. Interestingly, The Jammin Kid is replaced as a producer by industry co-producer and writer, Lee Tyler, which goes to show just how little idea or involvement he had in developing the track any further - it’s not unrecognisable in this form, far from it, but it has such a clearer sole identity from Majestic and Tyler’s reworking. There’s a lot of swell to the gospel choir, disco strings and trickling synth cascade as well as typical French house guitar riffs but it does feel a bit like, well, exactly what it is. TikTok backing music for a guy dancing around in his living room pretending to produce. I do like that a song with this interesting of a story and rabbit hole is charting, as well as it being notable that TikTok mashups if given the right push and clearance, can be successful risks for all companies involved, from the original labels to opportunist scene-familiar DJs, and make hits in themselves. I just don’t think this thesis of a flip is particularly inspiring.

#53 - “HOT TO GO!” - Chappell Roan

Produced by Dan Nigro

I was worried when I started looking into the lyrics of this track and their meaning, because it seems to be all about high school - the chorus is a cheerleader chant, and “HOT TO GO!”’s main conceit is about her school experience, wherein her appearance was dismissed as “pretty”, but not “hot”, with the Chappell persona absorbing the overt sexuality she was never granted during those times. Now, I was worried because of the perhaps bratty nature of the song which definitely is there and I can’t personally relate to much of the teenage melodrama anymore, but this might actually be my favourite of hers so far, mostly because I love this. The blooping new rave synth bop is still less interestingly textured than it should be but its taunting sing-songy loop reflects the almost condescending nature of her treatment as an adolescent, and the twinkling shakers in the chorus bring it to an incessant, mechanical level that I find a fascinating choice. The post-chorus, which should be the moment that feels like a release given its blast of guitars, is still stiff and constricted by its limitations, with the most catharsis coming from Chappell’s vocal outbursts within the verses, which are often just comically honest. She actually got a laugh out of me when she expressed her clear ulterior motives in the second pre-chorus that she made this song so that this girl would sleep with her, connecting the otherwise perhaps disparate themes of this song, which is mostly a dance track, albeit one that ropes in the potential tedium of those genres as a plot device, with that outro being a great way to end off the track; its awkwardness and lack of mutual response from the second party is the kind of skit you see in a 90s or 2000s teen comedy. Perhaps surprisingly, this one ended up being my favourite from the three, but still, I’m not fully convinced on whether that album would be to my taste, I suppose we’ll see if we get more debuting from it or her later works in the future.

#50 - “6 in the Morning” - Flex (UK) featuring Nate Dogg

Produced by Flex (UK) and Doc Funk

Yes, (UK) is in their official Spotify name, and I say “they” because this doesn’t feel like a chart placement for this specific song but more of a phenomenon because oh, boy, there’s a rabbit hole to go on with this one. I don’t actually know where our story starts, but an obscure loosie from the late rapper Nate Dogg was circulating at least as early as 2009, where a popular, unauthorised upload still remains on YouTube. There is artwork on Discogs of this being a physical, non-label, perhaps unauthorised release, but it’s not explicitly dated as far as I can find, so this being described as “new music” in June 2009 is as far as I’m getting. It’s a catchy, twinkly R&B-rap fusion with some uncredited female vocals and a lot of richly-voiced hooks from Nate, who was just the master of those, though the song doesn’t sound fully finished considering the sheer amount of chorus, a bit of an unmoving beat and vocal mixing not as layered as it could be until its meandering outro, but also sounding slightly unfinished was kind of the norm for cheap 2000s pop rap. In 2009, Nate Dogg was suffering from having experienced two strokes the years prior and was largely retired from music as a result, with this record not seeing an official release until long after his death.

After passing in 2011, Nate Dogg naturally fell victim of the pop music indutsry’s exploitation of its deceased, but not nearly as heavily as one would expect from a death that could be placed firmly in the dying moments of rap’s bling era, as hip hop tends to treat posthumous features even less gracefully than other genres. Hell, the only reason “Gangsta Walk” probably didn’t get an immediate posthumous re-release is that it had been on the Internet for a few many years and sadly, Nate Dogg had fallen into irrelevance… until 2016, wherein a remix of his song with 50 Cent, “21 Questions”, went viral on SoundCloud. As Mixmag reports, California producer SNBRN was granted access to an unreleased acapella from Nate Dogg’s estate for him to place a warm, vaguely tropical house beat under, speeding up the track to fit the tempo and placing some nice, yet very typical and now quite dated pianos and horns that fit how this genre really sounded for quite a while there. Whilst not charting, it was a viral enough success that this became retrospectively recognised as the original song, particularly due to reporting that, in my opinion, was misleading and did not do its due diligence in explaining the leak circuit around the track that had existing for nearly a decade at this point. Nonetheless, Genius does not have a page for Nate Dogg’s original and attributes samples of that vocal to the SNBRN track “featuring” Nate Dogg.

There aren’t countless examples but are now plenty of dance tracks using that Nate Dogg vocal, and now that 2010s nostalgia is in the midst, it makes all too much sense that yet another viral hit would be made out of flipping the sample on a house beat, so here comes Flex to do just that with a pretty boring house beat that does sound like a throwback to older garage tracks due to its bass and use of an acapella that’s kind of crusty at this point, ends up having to be drowned in reverb, but that and the wonky synth paired with the vocal make this feel less like a throwback and more just a cheap, dull and frankly lazy attempt at taking what was already a successful flip and throwing it into this producer’s style. Well, as far as I know that it’s his style because he has no other Spotify presence, but I understand that streaming doesn’t reflect club mixes, and this definitely feels like the kind of remix that gets thrown into one of those and promptly forgotten the morning after. The story behind this track’s success is so much more interesting than the song itself that it’s honestly humorous.

#35 - “places to be” - Fred again.., Anderson. Paak and CHIKA

Produced by Fred again.., Skrillex and Boo

A collaboration between Fred again.., Skrillex and Anderson .Paak is like a dream to me. I’m not surprised that it exists given how collaborative all these guys here, but I’m absolutely glad it does and yes, it lives up to all expectations, this is excellent in all the ways you’d expect and then some. Bringing the breezy blue skies of “ten” to the frenetic drum and bass of “leavemealone”, this is such an organic meshing of the styles that feels second nature to Fred again.. at this point, and the overall vibe is a transcendent rush of feelings, borrowing tiny snippets from Alabama rapper CHIKA’s commandeering, kind of sexy poetry and fusing them melodically to create hooks that feel way too obvious to have been reconstructed through samples of spoken word and not just be inherently there in the sample. I don’t know which one of the three it was to form a hook out of a 2017 poetry recording from an underground rapper, probably Fred’s given he’s done it before, but it’s just as cute and catchy as it is thematically fitting to the lifting of worries that this song embodies. The clipped percussion amidst a myriad of pitched-down vocal glitches and a loveable wave of vintage synths, delightfully slightly distorted to push this into a similar vapor feeling as a lot of the other EDM tracks debuting this week, allows this song to feel homegrown despite the big names involved and the disparate sample selections. It’s impressive to have a drum and bass song with this much immediate punch and drive still feel like such an airlift, and the first time I heard it, knowing that it would be special, I was still pretty awestruck by just how beautiful I found this track.

I could swear I’ve heard the pitch-shifted “down” / “I” hook from somewhere, maybe even sampled in another EDM track, but given WhoSampled haven’t found it yet, my immediate thought is just that it’s co-writer BEAM delivering ad-libs that were then implemented as one of the song’s many hooks, alongside the main conceit of the track that CHIKA’s got places to be, and they’re next to her partner for some intimate time. It’s adorable and loving, so when .Paak comes in with his familiar pre-verse child-like shouts of “yeah!”, I knew a special verse was coming. I understand that most chart fans will be familiar with his smooth jams alongside Bruno Mars as part of Silk Sonic, or even his funk and soul solo albums, but he has a pretty storied history of rapping over wonky electronic tracks by acts like KAYTRANADA so he’s not a surprise here and he’s also just a perfect fit. Going for a faster flow than usual, embedding inklings of promising melodies within otherwise rapid bars about just having fun with this girl, .Paak oozes an effortless and carefree charisma, and is fully at home with this subject matter - if you know, you know, the guy just loves women. Same. Anyway, even the lyrical details amidst the quicker, less noticeable parts of his rhyme scheme here, add to the otherworldly atmosphere created, referencing NASA and the fact that, hey, if they put a man on the Moon, the least he can do is make that ass shake, right?

In further choruses, CHIKA’s sampled vocals are warped and flubbered in a way that .Paak’s fuller vocal mix that fill in for, both in harmony and separately, making a song that could narratively feel quite distant due to an original verse being in combination with several samples, fall brilliantly into place. The level of care put into not just the sound design but the thematic, narrative elements of the songwriting that can be involved in what may sound like rote sequencing decisions, may not be unique to Fred again.. and Skrillex but they are masters at this, and .Paak is down to let those visions into reality as he hypes up the CHIKA sample with his ad-libs as if they were recording in a studio together. They literally complete each other’s sentences, it’s gorgeous. So where does it go from that perfect second chorus? It goes through the motions, but hardly in a negative way as it continues to soar further into the skies on the cover art, with a vocal chop from someone who is definitely BEAM panning from left to right and whilst being explicitly stuttered nonsense, somehow makes complete sense when .Paak or CHIKA pre-empt it with “You got that…”. Like, yes, sometimes that loving feeling is completely indescribable, and human relationships can only be expressed in a garbled emotive response, that eventually has to slow down into a rest as the night is over and you both need some sleep. CHIKA’s lines about adjusting her speed slow down and warp into a glitch but it doesn’t feel inhuman, it just feels like the inevitable winding down, and you can tell from the lyric chosen that there’s still a great deal of mutual comfort in that.

I have gone into way too much detail about this, probably, and the next review will be just as frustratingly long, but the care put into tiny little details like a stray chipmunk soul vocal used to transition between parts, a funny YouTube clip from 2020 they picked out and placed in the bridge, it’s all just so endearing and immersive. It’s everything I love about what can be done in this genre when taken to a pop format, and even without, and effortlessly intertwines the story and character of the artists involved to its sonic design. I know it’s only been a week since release but I can confidently say that if it isn’t my favourite song of the year so far, it’s close, and I understand that this is in large part because, well, of course a song like this would be to my taste, but I hope I’ve given more than enough valid reasons for that love not to be misplaced.

#1 - “Houdini” - Eminem

Produced by Luis Resto and Eminem

I am far from the biggest Eminem fan in the world, as is probably well-documented on this blog, but I’m well-informed enough and definitely nostalgic for some of his older material when he took himself less seriously. I knew that eventually he was going to come around fully to the goofy Slim Shady persona - his last album, Music to be Murdered By, was just teeming with dad jokes and “horrorcore” lyrics - but the sheer amount of self-referential humour and surprisingly smooth integration of the character into the modern day seems like both an ambitious project to take on and a cheap take on the nostalgia circuit. Nonetheless, there seems to be a higher concept to this all being the final nail in the coffin for that persona, with this lead single featuring Slim Shady returning by travelling to interact with the modern Eminem and make his typical irreverent comments about pop culture that he would back in the day. Lyrically, whilst it’s not exactly laugh-out-loud funny, he’s really bumped up the surrealism to some of the commentary as to ensure we know that this character should probably die: just full of pointless hatred and cheap dad jokes, but still comes back to pester the game.

The magician conceit doesn’t go very far outside of the cover art or that incessant chorus borrowed from the very prominently sampled “Abracadabra” by San Francisco group the Steve Miller Band, which fits in both the pop climate and Em’s discography as he’s sometimes been one to sample, at his leisure, cheesy choruses in incredibly obvious and corny ways. “Abracadabra” itself peaked at #2 for two weeks here behind Captain Sensible’s equally ridiculous “Happy Talk” and Irene Cara’s “Fame”, with their bigger hit, and only UK #1 being “The Joker”, an actually good song. Whilst I’ve never liked “Abracadabra”, its inclusion here is playful and almost mocking, I feel like Em doesn’t even like the song either, so there’s a snarky nodding of the head to the audience with how gratuitous its use is. As for Em’s flow and lyrics themselves, he has not sounded this smooth in a while and whilst still occasionally choppy, I think that comes from an intention to always be exactly on-beat outside of the funny, sing-songy melodic flow switches, as if you care to look back at Em’s plethora of goofy tracks, whilst a lot of them are just as choppy, he tends to take a more conversational and devil-may-care attitude towards its cadences, and that is somewhat present here but less so than when he was making tracks about shitting, pissing and cumming. I guess you could say that over time, he’s gotten less fluid.

The track even starts with a classic Paul Rosenberg skit where he finally gives up on trying to reel Em in, before he ends up taking shots at Megan Thee Stallion (no pun intended), modern technology, RuPaul, “wokeness” and even Rosenberg himself, and whilst I’m sure some people will take this at face value, not only are these kinds of anti-PC lyrics wherein you’re supposed to know he’s in the wrong Shady’s bread and butter, but they’re 1.) more clever than half of the edgelord memes you see on X nowadays and 2.) very obviously just as dedicated to dissing himself as those he mentions, and some of those people like R. Kelly might deserve the mockery. The Megan Thee Stallion joke is cheap, but part of the joke is that Eminem doesn’t have a chance of a collaboration - a “shot at a/her feat/feet” - in the first place, and when he calls Paul a male cross-dresser, he knows full well that you can look up the “My Band” video and a myriad of others and see Em doing the same. He even dedicates a lot of this song to criticising his previous drug addictions and whilst you may find that even harmless jokes about trans people would still be rough coming from a guy on Em’s level, that argument relies on the idea that anyone is taking the line “My transgender cat’s Siamese, identifies as Black but acts Chinese” as anything more than a throwaway non-sequitur poking fun at the idea that anyone can “act” like a certain race. If this is taken by any commentator from any end of the political spectrum as an attack on wokeness, they’re missing both that Eminem himself is very woke and that the song takes elements of wacky right-wing commentators, bringing them into the Slim Shady persona which would be very in-character for a character who slings around the F-slur, and by connecting them with such degeneracy as Slim, he’s absolutely parodying them. Is this line that far from how Alex Jones thinks the government is turning frogs gay using chemicals in the ocean? And plus, if we can hump dead animals and antelopes, then is there a reason that a man and another man can’t elope?

This is a certifiable entry into the now prolific standard of goofy, nonsensical Slim Shady tracks, and to nerd out a bit, this is exactly the kind of style I want from Eminem. My favourite album from his is the inexplicable and fascinating Encore and some of my favourite tracks from him like “Rain Man” or “Campaign Speech” are absolutely off the rails. A concept album about this character is really exciting to me and whilst some of the references to his catalogue are more surface-level, even in that first verse, he references deep cuts like “Evil Deeds”, implements one of the catchiest flows from “My 1st Single” - as soon as I heard that concentrated verse, I knew that he was finally back in that bizarro space I love and calculating it in a much clearer and funnier way. I’m weary to say it, but this is a hilarious, promising single and I’m genuinely really curious to where this album goes. Also, he shouted me out on the third verse. Always love a cactus bar.

Conclusion

It should be pretty evident, right? A good week, with a lot of insane rabbit holes, detailed, intricate productions and a whole lot of sampling upon sampling, just a lot to talk about overall, but if you read any of this, you’ll be able to tell that the Best of the Week goes to Fred again.., Anderson .Paak and CHIKA for “places to be”, whilst the Worst of the Week handedly falls in Flex (UK)’s hands for just a boring remix of a promising track from the late Nate Dogg in “6 in the Morning”. There’s nothing worthy of a Dishonourable Mention here so I’ll tie the Honourable Mention between Eminem’s “Houdini” and Disclosure’s “She’s Gone, Dance On” - sorry, Chappell Roan, “HOT TO GO!” was close, but it’s a lot of competition. As for what to expect from the next episode, RAYE’s on the horizon, as are Halsey, Sabrina Carpenter aiming to avenge the #1, Jung Kook of BTS and most importantly, Charli XCX has a new album. But for now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy and I’ll see you next week!

[awisetoad]

huge part of me wishes they'd cast some young, baby-faced, pretty-boy (like Luke Eisner, maybe) instead of bringing back Orlando Bloom for Legolas in The Hobbit.

Not 'cause I think he'd have done a better job, but the trend of big-budget films to blow their VFX budget on a congratulatory circle-jerk for their own technological "achievements" needs to die. CGI Carrie Fisher, Young!Legolas, Grand Moff Tarkin, etc. will never look as good 5 years down the line. They don't even look as good as fucking Gollum and he's been around since, what, 2002?

Compare this with the approach taken by Mad Max and Doctor Sleep (to name a few): tasteful, thoughtful, successful.

"Oh but how could they follow up Orlando Bloom when he's still around?" …yeah? Well, they managed to follow up both Shelley Duvall and Jack Fucking Nicholson, so it sure as shit is possible.

They should've reallocated those dollars (and that computing power, lmao) to the trash-heap that was gold!Smaug or the actual Battle of the Five Armies (it's honestly kind of a crime some of those ragdoll-corpse sequences made it into production… shit looks like it's being rendered in Morrowind using a potato instead of a graphics card) instead of Orlando Bloom's face. Instead, let him thrive in his burgeoning silver fox era as Bard's dashingly handsome cousin, dammit.

[tgmsunmontue]

Saga of Solitude 9/21

Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA and afterwards. DADT fully in force. IceMav AU. (Begun prior to 'It's not who you know' - the non-angsty version). (Side Hangster, which is ALSO angsty).

PROLOGUE (He remembers)

HANGSTER FIRST MEETING (Lonely Nights - set 2009)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS

ONE (2000) TWO (2001) THREE (2002) FOUR (2003) FIVE (2004) SIX (2005) SEVEN (2006) EIGHT (2007)

CHAPTER NINE - 2008

                He curls around the body in bed beside him, lets himself enjoy it, certain that the novelty will never wear off no matter how long they’re together. It probably helps that Maverick sometimes leaves for months at a time, so the little annoyances never make him lose his temper, rather remain little endearing traits that make him fondly smile instead of raging against him. Those times will come, he’s sure, but they’re probably a little while away given how stubborn Mav is. Right now they’ve got another week or so before Mav receives his new orders and Tom will soak up every available moment.

                “Morning…”

                “Morning.”

                They move against each other quietly, slowly, both of them still half-asleep but happy to come to wakefulness like this, hands sliding over bare skin, lips leaving damp trails as they kiss and lick softly. Maverick’s hands pushing and pulling his pajama pants down, quiet curses under his breath that make Tom laugh silently. Mav is of course naked, his cock already rutting against Tom’s thigh and he skims a hand over the swell of his ass, encouraging him.

                Neither of them have anywhere to be this morning, they have the luxury of time and also the knowledge that they won’t get interrupted. With them both in a bed and clearly wanting each other it’s a holy trifecta of sex now that they’re middle-aged adults with deployments and kids and levels or tiredness which often mean they might start off well meaning but can sometimes drift-off into slumber despite the best of intentions.

                “What do you want?” Tom asks against the shell of Mav’s ear, because he will give him anything, and Mav knows it too, damn him.

                “Want you to fuck my thighs.”

                “You want me to do all the work,” Tom points out, but he’s quickly becoming more awake, it’s something he likes, and it’s not like there aren’t times when he gets to lie back and have Mav do all the work. They’ve been together for too long not to have figured out what works for them and what doesn’t.

                “You’re the one who always gloats about being a morning person. Come on…”

                He doesn’t need any encouragement, or in the case with Mav, goading. He bites down on his earlobe, grins around it when Mav jerks a little and presses Mav back into the bed so he can reach over him to grab the lube. Then he’s yelping as teeth catch one of his nipples and he glares down.

                “Be nice.”

                “Or what?”

                “Or I won’t be nice…”

                “That a promise or a threat?”

                “I can make it both.”

                “Oh…” Maverick’s breath catches and Tom smiles to himself.

                Yeah, it’s going to be a very good morning.

…             …             …

                Pete runs his finger over the empty space on Ice’s left ring finger, wonders if anyone would notice if they both started wearing wedding rings again. They could, they’ve both been married, even if technically he’s a widower and Ice is a divorcee. It would raise too many questions, if anyone noticed and asked. Still. One day though he fully intends to put a ring back on that finger as well as his own and never let it come off.

…             …             …

                He’s in his office when he hears the commotion outside, Aubrey’s raised voice and… Maverick’s.

                Shit.

                He should have pre-empted this, knows Mav is starting to get itchy feet, he usually does after four weeks of leave. And it’s been six, so he is mellowing a little as he ages, but still, Tom could have planned better. He strides to the door and pulls it open, only to find Aubrey standing there, hands on her hips, Maverick looking just as combative and he looks between them calmly. They’re both looking at him, clearly wanting him to either pick a side or mediate a solution. He’s just not quite sure what they’re arguing about, the door too thick for him to have been able to make anything out so he decides that maybe introductions are in order.

                “Aubrey, this is Captain Pete Mitchell. My best friend and also Bradley’s adoptive father.”

                “Oh.”

                “Maverick, this is my personal assistant, Aubrey Smythe.”

                He can see her warring with herself, trying to decide whether to be polite, and Maverick also calming down as he realizes who she is.

                “You ensure he eats lunch. Bradley told me.”

                “Yes. I do try and ensure that happens.”

                “Hmm. Keep trying. He’s stubborn.”

                “That’s rich coming from you!”

                The grin Maverick gives him makes his breath catch, god damn is Maverick beautiful and he hopes Aubrey isn’t quite as astute as he thinks she is. Or that she at least might not care and will keep whatever suspicions she might have after seeing him and Mav together firmly to herself.

                “I’ll make sure he eats today. Although I leave on Tuesday, so it’ll be all down to you from then on,” Mav says, clearly trying to be charming and Aubrey just as clearly isn’t quite sure how to deal with him. She doesn’t offer to make Mav a drink and he guesses that’s her way of saying she’s annoyed. Tom just smiles to himself and excuses them, shaking his head but agreeing with Mav when he mutters something about her not liking him.

                “A lot of people don’t like you. And I’m sure Aubrey will come around. Next time ask to see me, rather than demand it. Or, and I know this is a foreign concept, arrange to have lunch with me in advance so I can put it in my calendar.”

                “You’re right, it is a foreign concept. But I’m here to talk about this,” Mav says, pulling papers from his jacket pocket. Tom wonders briefly if Pete would have had a better impression on Aubrey if he’d been in uniform rather than his civvies, bomber jacket and all. “I’m getting deployed to Bradley’s squadron. Did you organize this?”

                His head shoots up.

                “What? No.”

                “Oh. Huh.”

                “You thought I’d pulled strings?”

                “Well, you know I miss him.”

                “I do know that,” Tom says carefully. “I also know that he’s a fully grown adult and does not need you peering over his shoulder. It never occurred to me that you should be deployed together. They generally… don’t do that. For obvious reasons.”

                “Stupid reasons.”

                Tom sighs, because part of him agrees. The bonds that form between squadron members are usually very tight, and he knows from experience that some will take risks regardless. Just because someone loves someone doesn’t mean they will take more risks to keep them safe. The idea of Maverick flying with Bradley makes him excited for them, knowing that they’re both good, but also he worries that they’ll both take unnecessary risks to ensure the other is safe.

                “You need to trust him to keep himself safe.”

                “Of course.”

…             …             …

                He hears the rumors over breakfast, his cup of coffee halfway to his mouth when he hears Maverick mentioned, almost-whispered, and his stomach sinks. His first and most immediate thought is that something has happened. But no, instead of somber looks there’s an air of anticipation and he leans over and asks what they’re talking about, shuffles a little so he’s facing them.

                “What about Maverick?”

                “Apparently he –”

                “Wait, isn’t he…”

                “What?”

                “Adams heard that Maverick is part of the squadron arriving today.”

                “What?”

                “Three air-to-air kills. Man’s a legend.”

                “Isn’t he your…”

                “My what?” Bradley asks.

                “Your dad?”

                That makes everyone around him go silent, and of course it’s the Navy, so even much guarded secrets are fucking known by everyone. He grins and shrugs, because yeah, Mav is his dad for all intents and purposes for those looking in from the outside. And his phone call last year when Mav had been in Bagram, or the fact that Mav had been there when he graduated USNA and then flight school all add to the fact the it’s not even really something he tries to keep now.

                “Yeah. Step-dad. He married my mom after my dad passed away but I’ve known him my whole life. He flew with my dad.”

                “Wait. He married his wingman’s wife?”

                “Uh, my dad was his RIO. And it’s not like my dad was around to care, there was time between my dad dying and then Mav marrying my mom…”

                The expression on some of their faces makes him roll his eyes. He can’t go into details about exactly what kind of marriage it was, not that it’s any of their business. Anyway, he’s got more exciting things to think about.

                Holy shit, he’s going to fly with Mav.

…             …             …

                It’s weird, he’s not sure how to act for the first few minutes and then relaxes, falls into the habit of years of training has drilled into him. Of course, it’s all ruined when Maverick fucking winks at him and he rolls his eyes. Unfortunately his CO has catches the eyeroll and is now frowning at him and Bradley feels an uneasy twist in his stomach.

                “Lieutenant Bradshaw. A word please.”

                “Yes sir.”

                He steps to the side, can feel eyes on him, including Mav’s.

                “Do you have a problem with Captain Mitchell?”

                “No sir?”

                “That sounded like a question Lieutenant.”

                “Sir. Can I ask a question sir?”

                “Go ahead Lieutenant.”

                “Are you aware that Captain Mitchell is my step-father sir?”

                It’s immediately obvious that his CO is somehow completely in the dark about his relationship to Maverick, so maybe the Navy grapevine isn’t as good as he thought.

                “I rolled my eyes at him because he winked at me sir. Because he’s Maverick Mitchell.”

                “Oh.”

                “I’m sorry this is a surprise to you sir. I only found out this morning myself.”

                “Are you going to have a problem serving with him?”

                “Sir, he’s my superior officer when he’s in uniform. Not my father. Surely this isn’t the first case of parents and children serving together?”

                His CO opens his mouth and then closes it again, clearly doesn’t know the answer. He does however seem to accept Bradley’s words at face value and nods sharply.

                “Well… it might be a little odd. But please bring any concerns to me directly. Your father doesn’t outrank me.”

                “Of course not sir,” Bradley says, thinking about Ice and also the fact that if anything it’s going to be him trying to keep Mav in line.

…             …             …

                After seeing Bradley get called out for the eyeroll Pete ensures he’s on his best behavior. The last thing he wants is to have Bradley tarred with his reputation, he knows how difficult that is and he understands more now why Bradley had wanted to distance himself while he was at USNA. He can make his own way. He flies perfectly, they both do. Nothing happens that even needs a slight modicum of risk and he doesn’t even do a tower fly-by. Ice would be proud. Of course, on the carrier is a different story and he pranks Bradley mercilessly, along with the others in both squadrons. Only Bradley is brave enough to prank him back, his rank likely a barrier but it’s the most fun he’s had on a carrier since he was younger than Bradley and it reminds him of why he’s still in the Navy. This feeling and the fact he gets to be paid to fly.

…             …             …

                “We have a guest, he’s requested to eat meals with some of the Fighting Redcocks. You specifically Bradshaw,” his CO states after he’s pulled him aside, and Bradley is glad that Mav has been on his best behavior and that everything has gone smoothly.

                “Of course sir. May I ask who it is?”

                “Rear Admiral Kazansky. Not another family member I hope?”

                Bradley freezes and his CO is not a stupid man, has definitely clocked Bradley’s moment of sheer panic. He hasn’t had to deal with questions like this since his days at USNA, and never from a superior officer.

                “I… yes sir. I lived with him and his wife when Maverick was deployed. He’s like an uncle to me.”

                “Oh. Of course he is. Does everyone know?”

                “No sir. I try and keep my family ties to myself. It’s… generally easier this way sir.”

                “Hmm. Smart of you I guess. He and Maverick must be very proud of you. You’re a damn fine aviator.”

                “I try sir. They’re always pushing me to be better.”

                “I just bet they are. Actually Lieutenant, knowing your tie to Admiral Kazansky is something of a relief. It means he’s here to see you, and not me or my ship. Just a social visit.”

                “Well sir, I don’t know if Ice ever stops working. He’s nothing if not efficient.”

                “You have a good point. But maybe don’t call Admiral Kazansky by his callsign if you’re trying to keep your relationship with him quiet, hmm?”

                “Yes sir. Thank you, sir.”

…             …             …

                “Admiral Kazansky. Nice to see you.”

                “Captain Mitchell. I haven’t heard any complaints about you, you must be on your best behavior.”

                “I always am sir.”

                Bradley blinks, feeling a little weirded out by their completely polite and professional conversation, even if Mav is smirking about being on his best behavior. They’re clearly friendly, but they haven’t touched, or even shaken hands. Hell, Maverick gave him a salute when he’d arrived. Of course, so had Bradley, but… Of course. They’re not overly affectionate with each other at home either and this right here drives it home to him why. This is how they can be together while also serving in the Navy. No one knows. No one even suspects because they’re both hiding it. Even maybe hiding it from each other he thinks. Have hidden it with marriages and hidden it from him until he was older.

                Fuck he wishes things were different for them.

…             …             …

                “What are you really doing here?”

                “Catching up with an old friend.”

                “Really?”

                “Aubrey suggested it. Well. She arranged the entire thing and then presented it to me as a fait accompli so I didn’t actually have much choice. Apparently I was becoming insufferable.”

                “Knew I liked that woman,” Mav murmurs under his breath and Tom raises an eyebrow, because he’s pretty sure Mav wants to like her, but she’s damned good at acting as gatekeeper for his time, had stopped Maverick from barging in twice in just the last week before he’d left.

                “She is worth every penny the Navy is paying her, and then worth twice as much again.”

                “I’d be jealous, except I know I couldn’t do her job.”

                “We all have our own strengths. It feels good being out here…”

                “Yeah? Sea breeze in your hair?”

                “Mmm. I miss it some days. Like breathing…”

                “You want to go up? I’ll take you up.”

                “If I go, up I’ll be flying myself thank you.”

                “Yeah? You thinking about it?”

                “No. Not right now…” Tom says, but an idea is formulating in his mind, wondering what it would take to make it happen. He definitely wants to fly with Mav again though. He’ll make it happen.

…             …             …

                He reads the news and blinks. Gay marriage has been legalized in Connecticut. It doesn’t mean anything of course, neither of them will risk their careers but it also gives him a little flare of hope that the world is changing.

…             …             …

                “Look… have you considered you’re not exactly impartial?” Ron asks over the rim of his glass and Tom scowls.

                “I know I’m not impartial. That’s kind of the whole point.”

                “Well. Yes and no. I think you’re over-correcting, over compensating so no-one will accuse you of playing favorites, of Bradley, or of nepotism.”

                “What are you getting at?”

                “Take the name off all these files. Look at them based on pure merit, remove your emotion and then rank them.”

                “What would that prove?”

                “That you’re being too hard on your own kid. Holding him up to what you or Mav are capable of and forgetting you’ve both got decades of experience on him. You need to compare him with his peers, not with you, or your peers. Give him another decade and then you can start doing that.”

                Tom stares at the pieces of paper in front of him and realizes the truth, that Bradley is indeed already accomplished for his age and rank. The amount he’s been pushing hasn’t been necessary at all, Bradley has already been exceeding expectations in every field. He’s yet to turn down any training opportunity, is sought after because his attitude is good and his team-player approach helps struggling squadrons bond. He’s got all the people skills both his parents had in spades.

                Shit. Him and Mav are both guilty of this.

                “Mmm… I like this.”

                “What? The whiskey?”

                “No. The look on your face when you realize I’m right.”

AUTHOR'S NOTE

After this there will be 2009, but also a stand-alone (already completed 4-part Hangster fic) HANGSTER FIRST MEETING (Lonely Nights - set 2009) which happens pretty much in September 2009, so Saga of Solitude Chapter 10 covers the time before and after.

CHAPTER TEN

[destinygoldenstar]

Golden Analyzes 2002 Nominees “Ice Age”

*Have Seen Prior*

Starting off the 2002 Oscar Nominees, we’re going in alphabetical order.

We JUST have to watch the first one for this. We don’t have to watch any of the atrocious sequels. THANK GOD.

I’ve seen all the movies. I’m pretty indifferent to their existence. But in terms of objective quality, the sequels are quite shit. BUT the first one I remember being fine.

And I am predicting of the five we have to watch, this one will be the weakest. I mean, when competition is Lilo & Stitch, Spirit, Spirited Away, & Treasure Planet… yeah.

And by the way, unlike last year, I have seen ALL five of these movies before. (My GF hasn’t seen the two spirit movies)

Let’s get going…

Reaction:

Bold is my GF’s words

“I like how the streaming service title screen has the squirrel front and center, which makes me think Scratt is the main character.”

“Oh look it’s the main character!”

“I was always confused why he’d want to put the nut in the ground. Don’t they do that in the spring?” “It’s Ice Age. THERE IS NO SPRING.”

“That’s not how ice works”

“He has nature itself targeting him. Op, you broke our land, now you suffer eternally… Ice Age is secretly hell.”

“They never see him either. He must be a god.”

*You can play extinction later!* “So they’re playing dead?” “That didn’t look like they were playing dead that looked like they were swimming in… not gonna say.”

*Animal falls off the cliff and dies* “How did that get past the censors?!” “Died of stupidity.” “How did that get scripted and animated and no one said ‘hey maybe this implies something and we shouldn’t have it’”

“Oh yeah I forgot about this” “I always feel so bad for Sid. His family abandoned him and does not love him. They came back in the fourth movie just to drop off his grandma cause they didn’t want her either. It’s so messed up.”

*Isnt there anyone who cares about Sid the Sloth?* *Nope* “That’s depressing.”

“I survived Shrek. I watch Total Drama. It’s grosser than this. I can manage.”

”He’s just like me.”

“Kicks him off.” “😂”

“This is literally just Shrek again.” “Yep.” “Im not saying they’re ripoffs.” “Yeah, considering they get another guy and a baby and theres no women.” “😂 There’s no women?!”

“Oh, Manfred? I thought it was Manny for the longest time. I didn’t know he had a full name.”

“These humans models do not hold up.”

” I just feel so bad for Sid. His family abandoned him. They tied his hands and feet and barricaded the cave door and covered their tracks so he couldn’t find them- THAT IS MESSED UP!!” “…I was just focusing on how he wasn’t even covered by the rain.”

*Scratt Appears* ”Oh hey it’s the main character.”

“Nature HAS to actively be against him. This is secretly Hell. Ice Age takes place in hell.”

*Jumps off the waterfall* “…they’re both dead.”

”They also tame wolves, I don’t think these humans are the good guys. Don’t hurt animals.”

“Because we’re so much more complex and capable of doing whatever, we tend to make a lot of bad choices. Cats for example don’t have existential crises. They just want to roam around and nap.”

“I’m sorry, we’re you expecting me to jump off a cliff?!”

*you’re an embarrassment to nature, you know that?* “😂”

*You two are a bit of an odd couple* *There is no us* “😂 This movie is these three forming a polycule. That’s it. That’s the plot.”

“I just realized how many fat jokes they make with Manny.” “He’s a mammoth. He’s supposed to be that size.”

”Oh this is hell right here.” “Yep.” “Ice Age is hell.”

“This is me with babies. Everyday.”

“…I think I would die if that happened to me.”

“We always quote ‘the last melon’ in our house. All the time.”

“I thought dodo birds were a seventeenth century thing.”

*dodo casually dies* “WHY ARE THRY SO CALM ABOUT THAT?! A DUDE DIED!!”

“This is how the dodos went extinct.”

*unison* “The last melon.” “The last melon.” “😂 I’m sorry I had to.”

*Dodo bites Manny* “I DONT REMEMBER THAT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!” “What?” “The flipping bird went up his anus!” “…he bit his tail. What are you talking about?” “Didnt show it!”

“And then he smashes it.” *smashes it* “Yep.”

“Actually, that was the best thing he could’ve done with that melon.”

”A tree is better than you Sid. A TREE is better than you Sid.”

”Hey look it’s the main character!”

“They CAN see him. Who would’ve thought? Or is it ‘Huh, this invisible force is wrestling my face!’”

“Thats how I sleep.”

“Ooh the eyes.”

“…what?????”

” I don’t like how those lady sloths look…”

“🫣” “WHAT?!” “Excuse me, what?!” “You want to make babies with a guy you just met?!”

*You just keep marinating and I’ll be right back* “🫣” “MARINATING?!” “I don’t want to be here anymore…”

*It’s hard to find a family guy* “THIS HAS TO STOP. How many movies are gonna break me?!”

”Two bros chilling in the hot tub five feet apart cause they’re not gay.”

“Just breaks his neck and kills him.” “Yeah.”

“Wait is he actually gonna kill him?!”

*I don’t eat junk food* “OOOOOOOHHHHH” “That’s actually a great roast.”

“Why is there a gizzard in the Ice Age?”

*I don’t care who started it I’ll finish it!* “Me and my family in a nutshell.”

“Hey look it’s the main character!”

“If that’s all it takes to cause an avalanche of that size…”

“Oh it’s a museum… a museum of corpses.”

“Uuuuuuhhhh… what??? It’s the Ice Age. Excuse me?”

“Reminds me of something from Ninjago Season 5.”

“Hey look it’s the main character!”

“That looks painful! Grinding your nails on the ice… UGH…”

“Hey look its the main character!”

“That doesn’t look like tag. That looks like something else. And I don’t want to finish that suggestive sentence.”

“Why is that the best scene in this entire movie?”

“I think they completely forget about this in the sequels and never bring it up again. It’s part of the canon that Manny had a wife and kid that were killed.”

“How is there snow if there’s hot lava? It’s hell. There’s no other way. Ice Age is hell.”

“Three bros chilling in the lava, five feet apart cause they’re not gay.”

*Why don’t you make it realistic?* “Why are there so many fat jokes in this movie? My gosh.”

*Hey lovebirds* “😂Come on…”

“Oh god it’s moving. It’s coming to wreck havoc on us all!”

“Hey look it’s the main character!”

“It’s an acorn. How does that work?”

“I think he just killed all of them…”

“Uh… I think that tigers dead since he can’t get out of there.”

“OH… that’s actually a brutal death. We all talk about how gruesome Disney Villain deaths are, but never anything else…”

“…you know that if there weren’t any more sequels, Diego would’ve stayed dead. This was so fitting to end off his story.”

“You just see a giant mammoth holding your baby and you’re just like ‘okay’.”

*I got nine lives* “Yeah, sure. I like you and I wish you were dead.”

*Global Warming* “Yeah! We’re in hell!!”

“Hey look! It’s the main character!”

“I’m sorry, WHAT? Two thousand years?! How’d he even get in ice? What?!”

“How long does this take? How does he not DIE?”

“Okay, I can get it when it was ice, but ROCK-it’s a cartoon, what am I saying?”

“And that’s your confirmation. Ice Age takes place in hell.”

“I can’t believe the main character was barely in the movie. SMH.”

Review:

Ice Age The Movie’s main setting is HELL and I will not be convinced otherwise. This is THE TRUTH BEHIND ICE AGE.

BUT HEY, THSTS JUST A THEORY-

During this movie, me and my GF made these two running jokes. One was that the movie took place in hell, and that the main character was Scratt. Because the main streaming service page where we watched this heavily advertised THE SQUIRREL as the main character. It was funny.

Idk why this squirrel is even in the movie, he serves absolutely zero purpose or relevance to the story at all, but you know what? He is epic and that’s all that matters.

Ice Age is known NOW as the franchise that won’t die, and I’ll bet in ten years it’ll give The Land Before Time a run for its money.

Btw, if you want my opinions on the sequels: I stopped after Collision Course and didn’t see anything after that. And all the sequels are atrocious dumpster fires that add NO value.

Can we go back to the days when this was just one solid film?

Subjectively, as someone who hates babies, I am naturally bias against this movie. I’m kinda half joking. But other than that, this movie is just a very simple story about these three animals trying to get a human baby home, and along the way becoming a polycule-I mean found family.

That’s all it needed to be.

And without all the irritating characters from the sequels, the movie can focus solely on its meme worthy comedy and it’s central characters.

The comedy’s kinda a mixed bag for me personally. You can tell Shrek had some inspiration. It’s that way for a lot of movies. Some bits are memes for a reason. Others kinda had me scratching my head.

“Yeah! Global Warming! We’re all gonna die!! We’re in hell!!”

There’s A LOT more jokes about DEATH than I remembered.

I mean, I never actively cringed at anything like I thought I would, so that’s impressive.

I also think this found family dynamic works. It helps that the movie takes its time to explore all three of these guys and their distinct personalities. I totally buy that they’d bond the way they did.

Diego’s probably my favorite character in the movie. I mean if you don’t count the ironic side of things (SCRATT ALL DAY BABY). I think his redemption was very natural and well built up to, and his sacrifice was decently touching.

If there weren’t any sequels, you know he would’ve stayed dead.

Or not. Kids movie. Idk.

Sid just very casually has this really F’d up backstory and family life and it drove my GF insane a couple of times.

At least in this movie, while he’s not a top tier comic relief character, he was never awful or irritating. I can use those adjectives for a bunch of other comic reliefs.

There really isn’t too much to say about a movie as simple as this. With other movies, there’s more of a psychological thing to talk about in either it’s theming or characters. But this movie’s simplicity is just that blatant. Not saying it’s a bad thing.

And the animation is… well… it’s 2002, whatcha gonna do?

The animation is the ONLY thing that is superior in the sequels. In this first movie these are some very blocky models and some really bland backgrounds. The humans do NOT look right.

The scene where they animate the cave art to tell Manny’s backstory is the highlight of the movie for a reason. At least for me.

Very well done scene where the art style and animation tells the story. No dialogue. No words. You see it and you understand it.

It’s nice when a kids movie respects the kids and understands they can pick this sort of stuff up for themselves. Kids aren’t stupid.

It’s BAFFLING to me that the sequels completely forget about this very vital backstory of Manny’s and never being it up again. BUT I DIGRESS.

What? Is taking death seriously crossing a line? Don’t wanna make the kids sad. That’s not the brain rotting mush you want in sequels.

This first movie is actually a lot darker when you think about it for more than five seconds.

The story is about these starving sabor tooth’s that want to eat a human baby, and then the mother of that baby falls to her death to save him. We witness the dodo’s extinction. And quite possibly one of the most underrated villain deaths in an animated movie in terms of gruesomeness. Like DEAR GOD…

It’s not very chill.

But I appreciate a movie that doesn’t shy away from death as a concept. Again, respectful to the kids who shouldn’t be treated like morons.

I really appreciate this movie’s existence and what it’s done. And I feel SO BAD for Blue Sky.

BUT WHAT ABOUT SCRATT?! THINK OF SCRATT!!

Anyway, continuing with 2002, Lilo & Stitch is our next movie.

#shrek#shrek 1#animation#best animated film#animated movies#dreamworks#dreamworks animation#movie review#movies#reactions#film review

[criticalbennifer]

J.Lo's Pathetic Lyrics Teach Women What Not To Do

By:  Aubrey Wallace

June 13, 2014

Jennifer Lopez's first big single, "Waiting for Tonight," hit the radio waves in 1999, and she's been enthralling us ever since. Today, the music of J.Lo—as she later dubbed herself, pop diva-style—can be heard everywhere from the grocery store to the karaoke bar. I've heard her hits so often that I know all the lyrics and can sing them without thinking twice.

For years, my vision of J.Lo has been that of a strong, independent woman from the Bronx with a full-figured body and a killer career— the total package. So when I heard she had a new album, A.K.A., set to drop June 17, I decided to write up a tribute. I strapped on my headphones and started poring through old lyrics.

And that's when I realized: Everything I thought about J.Lo is completely wrong.

She isn't a fierce role model for young women; she's an insecurity-riddled stage five clinger. When she’s in love, J.Lo is consumed by her man. When she’s single, all she cares about is finding a man. Jennifer Lopez has a love obsession that only a teenage girl could understand—except she isn’t a teenager.

The idea that women can't be happy without a man is pervasive enough in our culture. The last thing we need is lyrics like these.

"Waiting for Tonight" (1999)

It's perfect, it's passion, it's setting me free From all of my sadness The tears that I've cried I have spent all of my life

Waiting for tonight, oh When you would be here in my arms

We’ve all had the pre-date jitters, but this is a bit too much. In fact, this whole song is about feeling validated because she has someone to love. "You Belong to Me" (2002)

Why'd you tell me this, were you looking for my reaction, what do you need to know?, don't you know I'll always be your girl, you don't have to prove to me your beautiful to strangers, I've got lovin' eyes of my own

You belong to me, tell her, tell her you were foolin', you belong to me, you don't even know her, you belong to me, tell her that I love you, you belong to me, you belong to me,

Newsflash: People don’t "belong" to other people. Not to mention that telling someone repeatedly that they belong to you is creepy and potentially damaging to their psyche if they’re impressionable enough to believe you.

"Ryde or Die" (2005)

If I had to I would give up everything just to feel and be with you If I had to I would pawn the ring you gave to me just to feed you If I had to I would give my very last breath just to help save you If I had to I would tell a lie just because I know you are the truth

I ride for you 'Cause you're the truth I die for you, ooh 'Cause I'm a fool In love with you And I'll do anything That pleases you

I don’t think this one needs a break down. It’s just not OK. “I’ll die for you” and “I would tell a lie because I know you are the truth”? Yeah . . . giving up your life for a relationship isn’t something we celebrate.

"Stay Together" (2007)

Boy we done started something serious 'Cause romance is underrated Stay together That's the new trend

Through the bumpy roads the others bite the dust And seems like everyone's giving up when These days breaking up is so cliche Hear 'em screaming out, "Baby no please stay" People wanna always hurry up and wait for Someone better than the person they won't stay for They sweat the little things  Wake Up Stay together It's the new breakup

Being in a serious relationship is certainly difficult, and talking through differences is an important part of being committed. But if you deserve better than what you’re getting, you shouldn’t just blindly stay committed or wait for someone better to come along before leaving.

"What is Love" (2011)

But I've wished for so long For someone to come and show me Lead by example 'Cause I've been waiting I've tried every age I'm so tired of the game I wanna be somebody's girl Would you show me the way?

What if I never find and I'm left behind? Should I keep hoping for love? What if I'm still the same? Status doesn't change? Gotta keep hoping for love

J.Lo pines for love in this song. Instead of feeling confident in herself because she knows she’s, you know, Jenny From the Block, Lopez is worried about finding a partner to prove to her that love is real. A little advice: If you’re feeling left behind and giving up hope of finding someone to love you, work on loving yourself first.

Now for her new music. I had high hopes that after a divorce and a kid and a revamp of her life, J.Lo would give us something we could celebrate.

Nope.

"Never Satisfied" (2014)

I'm never satisfied Not if I even try It's keeping me up at night I'm going crazy For all of your love

I need you all the time You bring me back to life I'm going crazy For all of your love

Seems that nothing has changed (sigh). While we totally understand the ache of being in love, this sounds a tad unhealthy. Feeling like you might go crazy or die if you aren’t with your lover 24 hours a day is a problem.

"I Luv You Papi" (2014)

If you wanna kill the body, gotta start with the head Put it on you, I'm a need about 4-5 beds Cause I love my papi

J.Lo’s new single isn’t any different than her earlier love-obsessed mantras. She’ll still do anything for love; now it seems she would kill for her "papi," and wants to be ready and waiting for him any time he wants to get down and dirty. Not. OK.

Seriously, What Gives?

Honestly, I feel tricked. Where is the body-positive self love? Where is the fierce independence that says "I don't need a man to be happy"? Nowhere, that's where. As a (former) J.Lo lover, I'll be the first person to tell you that what I'm hearing as an adult is not the same thing I thought I was hearing in my youth. If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would use these lyrics as a lesson of what not to be in a relationship. So for that, I guess, we can give J.Lo thanks.

[thatonesquintern13]

episode five - long time gone:

• ooh ✨elixirs✨

• - 1814 -

• suzanna and katherine. just hanging out with the basement….. in the candle light… with soft music playing… okayyyy

• “you should be out in the fields” woah hey now let’s not get crazy. kat is a liberal arts girlie she is not meant for the fields

• yeah you don’t ONLY have william 🤧💪🏽

• pete’a the horse is he’a…. not the colton horse but a 1814 horse

• oh! why is katherine going to the pantry…

• (should i call 1814 kat katherine for organizational purposes??? will try it out during this ep)

• cyrus goodwin 😧

• just came by to ask ominous questions about jacob and accuse suzanna of witchcraft 😪

• the landrys/augustines do NOT like cyrus!!

• katherine and suzanna walking arm in arm through the woods 🤭 kicking my feet twirling my hair

• but anyways. “knowledge is power to cyrus”

• - 2001 -

• LOL baby elliot got a cell phone!!!

• he can call! and text! and play snake!

• oooh baby elliot house sits at lingermore!

• (- oh sorry it’s summer 2002 -)

• founder’s day!

• aww baby elliot misses kat ): and now founders day really sucks

• wait the suzanna/katherine to baby elliot/alice invisible string!!! bestieism!!! 🫶🏽

• - 1814 -

• “maybe the next time we meet jacob will be home” i doubt it but

• “the pond will always take you where you need to go” suzanna said the thing! that’s pretty much the augustine family motto isn’t it

• katzanna hug!!!

• someone’s in the pond????? bathing????

• coyle!? 😳

• “unless of course you want to join me, the water’s lovely” “in your dreams, buddy” you tell em katherine 😤

• she keeps using modern phrases like “hurry it up” and “buddy” she’s gonna get caught!!

• oh coyle knows about katherine being jacob’s long lost sister 😳

• “[secrets] don’t exist in port haven”

• oh so now jacob just has friends?? likely story

• now why is he threatening to make katherine disappear!!

• “i already know what you are, mr. coyle. you’re a liar and thief”

• why am i gasping i already knew that

• also i know why i know that but how does katherine know that 🤔 (suzanna)

• i thought jacob was just on a normal trip into war. now he needs to be gotten back??? confused.

• COYLE IS THOMAS THAT SHOT KATHERINE ??? hold on hold on

• “i could’ve just left you floating face down in the pond” YOU PUT HER THERE

• not her absurdly wet and heavy body 😭😭😭 dude she was dying

• noooo he is NOT THE PAINTER

• god i didn’t wan - WAIT “MY KATHERINE”!?!?!??! NOOOO

• okay back to that thought. i didn’t want to bring the silly football show into this but coyle was giving me b**tm*n vibes and ugh this just made me have the same reaction as the a*rp*rt scene. SICK🤢

• dawg why did he call her that he doesn’t even KNOW HER

• i don’t even wanna unpause rn. i’m having war flashbacks

• - present day -

• rita!!

• ofc this year’s founders day theme is the 1800s 🤪

• we love scamming a tourist so true

• LMAO a giant ‘ask me about my family’ button 😂

• sam bishop fuckboi confirmed GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM DELL

• poor elliot he absolutely despises founders day ): can’t wait for the depressing backstory as to why

• the herald!

• kacey is like ‘um yeah you haven’t been here to do your job in a while….’

• “that scary red headed lady who runs founder’s day accosted me” LMAO RITA leave the child out of this 😭 they just got here

• BIG RED kacey i love you

• *cue the bring it on quotes*

• kat is like ‘hey i don’t know how to tell you this but your ancestors suuuucked. good luck with the journey tho’

• oh look it’s elliot’s depressing founders day back story.

• ah ofc. his dad’s obsession with being a founding family. but to be fair, it does seem like the augustines aren’t getting the credit they deserve. probably something to do with cyrus goodwin 🤨

• “who is giving you these ominous messages” no literally why did they talk like that in 1814

• finn!!! (🫵🏽)

• “how was your trip?” “it was boring - you weren’t even there” 🥺

• elliot!? at dinner?!

• “what is elliot doing here?” “iiii invited him ☺️” SHE’S PARENT TRAPPING!!!

• “monica roped me into [decorating the gazebo]” she asked to do it! she’s literally parent trapping kat and elliot

• and they both get so cheesyyyyy

• kat just going on and on about suzanna to elliot 🤭

• oh yeah the lingermore incident! i forgot!!!

• a lot of WE being thrown around on this close quarters porch swing tonight

• “i’m still waiting to find out why the pond thought taking jacob to the 1800s was a good idea” no fr

• jacob missing from the ship manifests too? they weren’t kidding when they said you could disappear

• “who’s thomas coyle?” “no one.” does it feel like cheating to tell elliot about coyle, kat? hmm?? 👀

• COLTON FLASHBACK 🥹

• “you are a landry, all on your own, delly” 🥺🥺🥺🥺

• “my grandmother left some freaky stuff.” no hello or nothing

• “you know people where actually shot in the town square for treason?” unfortunately she does 😪

• okay i need to research the war again fr bc which side do we want to be on,???

• and jacob working for cyrus?? interesting

• the british really said ‘thank you for the boats! you may reek havoc on anyone. as a treat:)”

• kacey going through an existential crisis over their great great ancestors /:

• but kat’s gonna pull them out of it. like she’s their mom fr 😭

• KACEY KAT SELFIE 🥹🥹

• the PEACE SIGN

• oh god cool kid is back at the coffee shop

• lolllllll the parent trapping continues “if el wants me there, i’m in.” 🤭

• monica is IN on the parent trapping

• okay but like where did cool kid come from. he’s so suspicious

• elliot on coyle search - having dad flashbacks again ):

• (can not get over how good the casting for this show is)

• ooh thomas coyle in the log book!

• gazebo time!!

• katelliot incoming 🤧

• “thank you for volunteering to help” “wait… didn’t you volunteer and needed help?” you fell for the oldest trick in the book 🤭🤭

• THE LIGHTS UUGGHH 😭🥺

• the symbolism 🤌🏽

• oh cool guy!

• (yall i think something got spoiled for me earlier and if it did… im SHOOK)

• anyways.

• nepo baby fish and chips

• gotta agree cool guy, mustard and fish and chips??? disgusting.

• nepo baby hates his nepo job ):

• and apparently has a swimming scholarship lined up! okay katie ledecky!

• oooh he doesn’t have a scholarship lined up. rip.

• “well, here’s the thing about being told you’re awesome all through small-town high school. it’s a small-town high school.” I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE SEEN, COOL GUY

• SMALL-TOWN GIFTED KID BURNOUT REPRESENTATION MATTERS ‼️

• (okay actually there’s no way i was spoiled earlier bc it wouldn’t make sense) ((but i guess we’ll see??))

• dell on a solo date so true

• and OFC here comes the horse guy 🙄

• GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER

• WITH RITA!? oh lord

• “good evening, dell” “a very good evening it seems..” akdhahsk

• big red, please have some dignity 😪

• kat and elliot at the founders’ day sound check just like old times 🥹

• “just like old times isn’t it?” “yeah. i mean, who needs a pond?” 🥹🥹

• KATELLIOT DANCE WE ARE SO BACK

• “kid elliot never asked me to dance” so validating for me, who has been calling him baby elliot this whole time

• ELLIOT AUGUSTINE I WAS NOT FAMILIAR WITH YOUR GAME 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

• “what are we doing, el?” “i don’t know. i just want to live in it, though” PLEEEASE

• “well, apparently suzanna’s not the augustine that can cast a spell” 👀

• playing both katelliot and katzanna so i always come out on top

• “sore-ry” CANADIAN 🫵🏽

• “does suzanna know you’re a time traveler?” “…yeah.” DOES IT FEEL LIKE CHEATING KATHERINE 🤨👀

• nooo don’t pull away elliot 😭

• stop the way she chases him 🥺

• sorry the band just sound checking in the background of this argument is kinda funny. bc what do they have to do with it 😭😂

• “even when i tried to keep you out of it, you came to me” EXACTLY!!! HE’S SO WISHY WASHY ABOUT IT

• “you hide behind your talk of rules, and the pond having its reasons, but you have never lived it” OOF

• (also sidebar - chyler is talking with her hands and doing a 👉🏽 and it reminds me of greys when lexi tells meredith that they both do that when they talk)

• i have stopped this argument twice in the same spot on accident but also bc i don’t wike it 🥺

• alshagdksh kat not the family insecurities!!! he has TRAUMA !!!!!!

• oof “i found thomas coyle, whoever he is. tell jacob i said hi” ELLIOT PLEASE

• its joever 😪

• and the song as elliot walks away saying ‘tell me how to love you again” HELLO????

• i absolutely love the script writers for this show. they can write a katelliot argument

• “jacob’s coming home” okay 🥹

• “and i really should be there for elliot’s speech, too. even though he and i are not on the best terms right now.” “so my plan backfired, guess?” “why was there a plan in the first place?” BC YALL LOVE EACH OTHERRRR

• “i want a purpose, mom!” idk alice, maybe you should have gone to the states for the summer 🤧 jk i get you girl. everyone’s having fun in the pond but you

• COLTONNNN

• i love when dell talks to ghost colton

• “how can i call myself a landry when my landry is gone?” OUCH

• dell, colton could never not be proud of you. even in death.

• never getting over colton and alice meeting in ‘99 and just. fitting. alice is everything colton loved in dell and everything dell loved in colton. it’s beautiful.

• the giant ‘ask me about my family’ buttons are still killing meee

• “it’s okay to chose 1814 over us today”

• okay that one look makes me think maybe the spoiler i saw was a spoiler…. lolll i don’t know! guess i’ll find out here in a bit

• should it not be Founders’ Day? not Founder’s Day? bc there was more than one founder…. idk

• ‘kiddo’ 🥹

• “i thought you’d be booking it to the pond by now” elliot can you say thank you for being here without being passive aggressive

• and now look. she’s leaving. shoulda thought about that

• - 1814 -

• THE BAG OF CLOTHES FROM SUZANNA JUST LIKE ELLIOT AND ALICE !!!!

• katherine is just going to let EVERYONE in 1814 know that she’s a time traveler

• “you already knew so much i just assumed that question was rhetorical” okay he ate her up with that one

• “why are you looking at me like that?” “you did something good” fine 🙄 coyle’s alright 🙄

• KATHERINE stop telling people things that are going to happen before they happennnn they are going to call the church

• - present day -

• sorry elliot but it’s not hard being the towns most beloved augustine when you’re the only one. and the last one was victor…

• baby elliot flashback ):

• - 1999 -

• oh god victor’s gonna ruin this

• i mean i guess victor has a point 🫣 but what did he want the citizens of 1999 to do?? give him their homes??? build him a mansion on a hill??

• - present day -

• “we were builders like the goodwins. we weren’t farmers like the landrys. we… observed.” and you had spells! (which makes me nervous for suzanna’s fate)

• the sad irony of victor wanting credit for his family while baby elliot was quite literally observing and documenting a moment in port haven history in the landry’s club house. his legacy was right in front of him the whole time

• keep forgetting that victor augustine is still alive and in mexico.

• lord take all of colton landrys death and give it to victor augustine

• “this name; i know it was a burden for some. but being an augustine is not a shadow, it’s a light.” 🥺🥺

• “because being an augustine, yes it’s a responsibility, but more than that… it’s an honor.”

• elliot: 1, childhood trauma: 0

• alice has to go back to be there for baby elliot!! the same way she was for baby kat!!!

• but now that leaves NO OTHER LANDRYS for dells speech 😭😭😭

• - brief flash into 1814 to show us katherine has arrived on the landry farm -

• - present day -

• why is dell the one signing the augustine founders book

• sam 🙄

• “i’d like to ask about you if that’s alright.” “what do you wanna know?” “are you alright? sorry was that too much?” “no, no. it’s just that… nobody’s asked me that in a while” nobody’s asked me a question in 45 min- what do you do? / how you holding up? IM GONNA BE SICK

• dell is tired! being a matriarch in a small town is EXHAUSTING

• one thing about dell she going to call out your privilege and ignorance lolll

• “you wanna get out of here?” WHO on this staff watched the football show i wanna talk.

• DELL! HOLD YOUR GROUND! DON’T FALL FOR HIS SCHEMES (being nice)

• - 2002 -

• oh no alice is meeting victor

• “i met your friend. well done, son. looks like you’re an augustine after all” SHUT UPPPP god

• also that’s literally his step daughter ✋🏽

• “that’s the one where she’s texting on excel right?” LMAO

• baby elliot highkey made the right decision not telling kat, bc even though he shouldn’t have had to go through that alone, she defo would’ve pitied him. and made it about her somehow idk

• she’s grown now though so maybe now he can tell her

• - 1814 -

• dang they really got katherine out in these fields

• oh. hello??? she’s hit something???

• is there a dead body here

• WAIT

• 2000 JACOB’S CLOTHES????

• AND JACOB (the man) IS HOME

• imagine you’re in 1814 and a kid shows up wearing red converse all stars. like in real life they probably would’ve just killed him right

• - present day -

• sam jumpscare

• “is this where you bring all your girls?” that’s right don’t forget who he is

• “just how many girls do you think there are, dell?” you literally were on a date with her best friend like two nights ago i-

• “well, the way i see it, you gotta dip your toe in the water before you swim” 😒

• woah woah woah

• what’s happening put your clothes back on no one is getting in the cold ass water rn especially not with you!!!

• “what in heaven’s name are you doing?” exactly dell

• “put your clothes back on” EXACTLY DELL

• there is a man in his underwear on the hallmark channel. the woke media has gone too far

• DELL. PUT THAT JACKET BACK ON

• oh god we’re losing her

• THERE IS AN ANDI MACDOWELL IN HER BRA ON THE HALLMARK CHANNEL

• AYE YO

• she’s gonna catch a cold 😪

• - 1814 -

• are we about to meet jacob for real for real

• i’m so nervous???

• ahhhhhhhh

• IS THAT HIM I CANT TELL

• JACOB UNDER ARREST FOR TREASON!?!??!!

• (back from my typo check to say that kacey was just talking about people being SHOT FOR TREASON oh god) ((oh and the spoiler i saw was not what i thought it was))

• HELLO

• okay. katherine listen. i told you they’d tell the church i-

• wHAT!?!??!?

• coyle is behind this somehow i just know it

• fin.

📺: the way home - season two

season one recap 🩵

episode one - the space between:

• watching the ‘previously on’ like i didn’t just spend the week recapping it

• thought this was jacob and dell but it’s just another little boy and older lady

• “it will always take you where you need to go.” 👀

• picking up where season one left off. kat and dell were literally JUST healing and now where back to murder boarding

• oh we’re just immediately jumping into the FROZEN pond

• it didn’t work!

• kat you know that’s not how it works !! just get out before you freeze!!!

• oh god now alice is in the pond

• and YEAH we’re BENEATH THE ICE

• ALICE

• KAT DONT YOU KNOW CPR

• CHEST COMPRESSIONS

• oh god alice is back okay

• so much just happened oh my god

• a note for kat on elliot’s door ):

• me and elliot squabbin the next time i see him 😤

• (did anyone else’s school use the word squab around like 2015?? 2016??)

• “if i’ve learned anything these last few months it’s the worst thing to waste is time.” i gUESS!

• now how can a dog time travel 😭 the pond is SICK for that

• “the pond is done with us, allie. we have to be done with it.” we’ll see

• they’re making a pact to stay in the present

• time jump! seven months laterrrr

• hello?? DECODE PARAMORE?!?!

• and kat is jogging through the woods like is this twilight???

• passed elliot’s (still empty) house. hayley williams is right, how did we get here 😭

• ofc kat is listening to decode she’s an emo millennial

• if you think about it this kinda is like twilight. she’s gonna jump off a cliff next probably

• dell landry: bee keeping age!!!

• where’d the horse come from? 🤨

• “hey, boy. who are you?” oh so neither of us know okay

• oh! it’s the last day of school!

• not spencer from school pulling up

• and maybe zoe from school? hard to say

• alice is leaving!? oh going to the states with brady

• “that’s the thing about shared custody, eventually you have to share.” rip /:

• ugh r*chel mention

• “i am screening your next guy! these last two, they’ve been so very disappointing.” LAST TWO!?

• oh she meant brady and elliot 😂

• “brady only disappointed in the later years. we don’t.. we don’t talk about elliot.” yeah still too soon formerly nemesis monica

• lol so new guy leaves (suspiciously 🤨) and kat is like “okay fiiine i’ll take over the herald and hire myself back!! if i must!!!”

• and good for her!

• oh someone’s died 😰

• evelyn goodwin??

• oldest member of the most prestigious (and wealthiest) family in port haven. an institution, dell says!

• linger?more?

• oh elliot has the AUDACITY to send post cards 😤

• yeah, alice you’re right to roll your eyes at him!!

• we’re getting so much landry lore!

• but also more evidence for my jacob is his own ancestor theory

• the landrys were a founding family of port haven with the aforementioned goodwins

• dell talking about HAPPY MEMORIES OF COLTON!!!! 🥹

• we’re throwing a summer partyyyy

• landry ladies kitchen dancing 🥹

• ruined! by brady calling 😤

• oh so kat and alice are on the same wavelength as me. no wonder kat knows so much about her great great whoevers

• they stuck to their word, no pond!

• “yeah, well. elliot’s not around anymore to give us those pearls of wisdom.” “when are you gonna let that go?” no, no. hold that grudge, alice.

• “elliot promised that he would always be there to help, and when we needed him the most […], he bails.” just like the avatar 😪

• can’t help but notice the herald is brighter now that new guy is gone.

• now i know brady isn’t trying to blame KAT for the shared custody thing

• are we ever gonna be introduced to rachel bc now it’s getting suspicious

• “alice is no distraction, she’s the glue” she really is huh 😭

• ooooh evelyn goodwin put the herald in her will???

• kat is going to ✨lingermore✨

• (i’m guess that’s the goodwin estate?)

• “no wonder you turned the herald into a weekly, you’re always here” okay dell kinda ate with that one 😭

• “i’m going up the hill” me: kate bush?

•but also: *eerie music change* “i’m going with you.”

• okay now i’m scared of lingermore

• oh something has Happened here…

• sorry, evelyn saved everything to open a museum and her son was just like “eh oh well. gonna sell.” ??? hate men.

• oooh but now the herald gets it all!!

• now kat has the entire history of port haven at her fingertips! finding jacob has literally never been easier.

• oh something Sinister has Happened here… 😰

• alice! step away from that pond! you promised your mother!!

• oh she’s just coming to say goodbye ):

• girl back up that’s literally how you fell in the first time!!

• oh it’s LITERALLY how she fell in the first time? the bracelet hello???

• i do enjoy that when i gasp now it’s actually stuff i am surprised about

• is dell gonna have flashbacks of her own of this place now?

• she’s just sad about evelyn ):

• you know. this was kinda how dell’s future was looking before kat and alice showed up…

• yeah how is kat supposed to get all these boxes back to the herald

• UM

• why’s this portrait look just like kat 😀

• “MY KATHERINE, 1814” HELLO

• what did evelyn know 👀

• aww the jewelry dish

• we are immediately back to kat and alice keeping secrets from each other 🫠

• she’s a runna she’s a track star 🏃🏻‍♀️

• oh! note’s gone from the door! is elliot back???

• omg he’s back

• “well kat landry!” “oh… elliot augustine…” okayyyy

•god, kat might as well have just said “you look hot” that would’ve been less embarrassing 😭

• (and he does, she was right.)

• why is elliot being weird

• wait. just realized this man LEFT in the MIDDLE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR??? elliot there’s a TEACHER SHORT- wait they’re canadian…. is there a canadian teacher shortage??

• um but still. in the middle of the year, dawg??

• okay elliot when have you ever “imposed” on the landrys be so for real

• omg kat get up girl you are not playing it cool rn

• “i will never understand why she took elliot’s travels so hard” bc they’re besties??? (also bc that’s her stepdad but we apparently are keeping that a secret)

• dell didn’t notice that kat and alice were literally time traveling but she DID clock kat and elliot and that is, once again, so southern of her.

• “i haven’t seen you wear the bracelet in forever! i was beginning to think you lost it.” hehe about that…

• no actually WHY is elliot so… off i’m starting to not trust this… like go back to the caribbean if you’re gonna be like this

• “somebody had a glow up.” lmao rita!!

• “looks like elliot had what the kids call a hot boy summer” RITA!!!

• oh so alice didn’t know about katelliot and is really just mad bc elliot is her bestie!!!

• “and besides, there is no us, really. right?” ELLIOT YOU’RE THE BIGGEST DUMB DUMB THERE IS

• fumbled the bag

• he didn’t even say GOODBYE!? god what is with these men

• “great party, dell.” 😭😂

• “you better get out there and get a lobster before rita pilfers them all” lol okay great callback

• “[the farm] will always be here waiting for you.” 🥹

• fireworks for colton 😭😭😭😭

• flashbacks for everyone 🥺

• i miss colton landry

• ugh how long are kat and elliot going to pretend they don’t love each other

• alice is connecting dots

• colton and baby elliot 🥺 the club house is always there for him to have a space 😭

• “don’t waste any time, kid. because it’s never guaranteed.” and elliot thought that was a joke?? i-

• *branch snaps* “did you hear that?” WHO CAME BACK 🫵🏽

• “i saw that look between you and elliot. are you two together?” alice you’re far too late

• alice you didn’t ruin anything, sweetie 😭

• kinda rude that i grew up an hour from the beach and never went to a summer bonfire beach party in high school. (i didn’t go to parties in hs who am i kidding)

• oh! we’re being haunted by our past! cool.

• an elliot mixtape!!! IN THE CLUBHOUSE

• aww elliot’s here.

• with a STRONG candian ‘sorry’

• oh they met alice after the last summer cookout… interesting

• i thought “traveling” was a euphemism. but he actually meant time traveling lol

• “i’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye. i just knew if i saw you, i wouldn’t go.” OKAY AND WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO BAD

• just sitting on the bed nothing crazy

• SCREAMING !!!!!

• grey’s anatomy training 😏

•making out with all for you playing in the background. gonna cry actually.

• elliot apologizing right away 😭 okay there’s the awkward guy i missed

• “i’m not your problem anymore” WHY WOULD SHE SAY THATTTTT

• ALEXA, PLAY EXHILE BY TAYLOR SWIFT

• the sad part is, they could just go right back to how they were. like elliot is so willing to be that sounding board for kat.

• but. he blew it. super hard. complete buffoonery.

• “welcome home.” damn she’s cold

• baby nick!!!

• ugh elliot was gonna make his move RIGHT before kat met brady 😭

• so i guess spencer from school and zoe from school are??? no more???

• alice is still hung up on nick 😭 girl he’s old let it gooo

• why are they making her sing rn

• now look you’ve made her get stage fright again. (it’s definitely not the ghosts of her mother’s past coming to haunt her…)

• kat and dell finally getting the mother daughter relationship they deserve??

• is the house called lingmore or lingermore… i need to look this up

• the subtitles are telling me lingermore. dell’s accent is just thick lmao

• oh! see, dell thought evelyn reminded her of herself too.

• “i wanna build back our relationship. i wanna get to know you again.” yup yup yup 🥹

• kat has also noticed that dell is talking about colton and jacob in a positive light now

• “no more regrets, only resets” dell would kill on facebook

• ugh, i know Something is going to happen and it’s gonna ruin everything we accomplished in this scene

• um why are we back at the “did you hear that” scene 😰

• WHO IS THAT!?!?? 🫵🏽

• colton???? new guy?????? JACOB!?!?!?

• oh my god

• the blurry polaroid!!

• alice and kat sharing their secrets! season of healing!

• kat don’t let her manipulate you like this!

• okay or do. whatever.

• wait elliot send that text 😭 you gotta be the one to fix this, dude.

• neighbor!? who is this man???

• they better not be trying to give dell another love interest 😤

• could be elliot’s dad tho? but i doubt it

• suspicious buyer of the neighboring farm????

• the new buyer isn’t going to lease the fields sooo what does that mean 😅

• dell is going to be losing money?

• AND WHOSE HORSE IS THIS

• don’t tell me that horse jumped in the pond 🤧

• mother daughter pond jump 🤪

• “it’ll take us where we need to go” what could go wrong! 😀

• BABY ELLIOT!?

• has present elliot been LYING to present kat this whole time??????

• if i got sent to 1814- hold up who is that

• not the gun

• HELLO

• grey’s anatomy training (dying in a horrific way)

• um. okay 😀

fin.

[in-tua-deep]

concept: the others deciding Five needs to play pop culture catchup and forces him into marathons. I can't imagine his reaction to some of the super popular things that have come out since 2002.

If you put Five in the modern day then i 100% absolutely agree - tua seems to take place in a sort of weird alternate world without cellphones and those boxy ass computers and tvs but I choose to ignore thatso oh my GOODNESS you’re so right, I mean just to start with there’s all the disney movies he missed? I mean he went missing in November 2002 right so, given that old Reggie allowed them to watch movies at all (which I almost doubt since that would give them Ideas on what a real family is like and give fodder for rebellion and shit but I digress) he would have barely seen Lilo and Stitch (the greatest masterpiece of our time)He missed Treasure Planet! Brother Bear! Finding Nemo! The Princess and the Frog! How to Train Your Dragon! Parks n Rec! So many other very important cultural artifacts! He hasn’t seen Mad Max Fury Road. He hasn’t seen Black Panther. Or the new Spiderman!! HE MISSED MAMMA MIA. I JUST REALIZED HE MISSED MAMMA MIA. I’M SO SAD FOR HIM.Let ALONE the technology update?? Look I was born in ‘97, I grew up through this tech period. I remember having a ‘Computer room’ that I fought with my siblings over who got to play games. I sat on a stool backseat playing Zoo Tycoon with my sister. We lived through all iterations of the Sims (and I still maintain that the medieval sims where you could hatch dragons that burned down your house was objectively the best one). The updates to phones since 2002? I had a flip phone in Junior High and an iPhone in Highschool. Partially because my mother didn’t believe in phone internet access until we were responsible enough for it but my POINT is that this boy has exactly 0 idea about any apps or games or fads. He missed out on the flappy bird craze. He’s so lucky.Memes? Vines? He missed the creation of YOUTUBE of course he missed out on so much shit. He never watched Charlie the Unicorn. The old AMVs. Books! The Harry Potter series! This one I’ll make allowances of bc he could find books in the apocalypse to read but there was no electricity for access to the internet.MUSIC? Someone tell me the exact date Five left because I think he might have missed Brittney Spears’ Baby One More Time and Oops I Did It Again by mere days since it was released November 26th 2002. I am not a music buff by any means but just think about ALL HE MISSED. Mr. Brightside came out in 2004. He would have never listened to Mr. Brightside. I’m so fucking sad for him.There are at least two vaccinations that were only added to the recommended list in 2005 and another one was added in 2010. I know I got the chickenpox as a kid because I didn’t have that vaccination. I actually got it TWICE because my immune system was apparently shit. And now I’m just picturing a bunch of pox ridden itchy children. He was born in like 1989 and that vaccination wasn’t available in the US until 1995.BUT I WENT OFF TOPIC.The point is that there is so much material to work with! So much has happened in the world! So many improvements have been made! So many new things have been discovered or researched further! People are constantly forging ahead at reckless speeds because life is short and we want to see our mark on the world! Pop culture catch up would be a fucking DELIGHT and also HILARIOUS and just trying to figure out exactly what he missed is a headache and a half. This is why I headcanon that Five listens to podcasts that help him catch up on the modern day.

[honeystwiggypeach]

Leave this town!

Dad!eddie x Mom!reader

Dad!Eddie masterlist!

I’m starting to get into the I guess like plot progression of the little au instead of it just being scenarios!(I will still write my fluffy scenarios just in addition there will be a little bit of a plot!)

⚠️ trigger warnings!⚠️ Lucille cries, Jason destroyed Eddie and Lucille’s pool, pregnancy, cursing, mentions of smoking, and discussions of moving!

Eddie and you had always discussed leaving Hawkins, you both felt like you didn’t belong here, and you both felt there would be more potential for life than what Hawkins could provide for the two of you but with everything like your unplanned pregnancy with Lucy, your unplanned marriage to Eddie and Eddie repeating his senior year once again, things hadn’t gone to plan leaving the three of you almost five years later still stuck in Hawkins.

On this particular night however Lucille’s favorite Uncle Wayne had gotten a day off and was babysitting Lucy for the night giving you and Eddie the chance to have a date night.

He drove you down to lovers’ lake and you both laid on a picnic blanket. You could feel him turn to face you as the music he had picked faded off into the background of your mind, it was the last thing you were concerned about.

“Eddie” he could hear you whisper softly he let out a low hum of recognition and you took a deep breath, “what if we had another baby?”

You could hear how his breathing hitched before resuming. Eddie had been looking into moving these past few months, the company he worked with was opening a branch in another state and offered him a job where they’d cover part of the moving fees!

He wasn’t sure how to respond, he knows that with your last pregnancy, you two had ended up staying in Hawkins for another five years and Eddie doesn’t think he can survive another five years I mean, this year Jason, who had somehow found his trailer drunkenly slit a hole in Lucille’s kiddy pool and egged the trailer like he was a fucking high schooler at nearly 27(idk I didn’t do the math😭)

Lucille had been devastated when both her and Eddie ran out the trailer with their swimsuits on only to find the pool collapsed and drained into the yard, only to hear from your neighbor who had stepped out the house for a smoke break that it was the fucking preppy jock that had tormented him during his high school years coming back to torment his precious daughter.

When that happened Eddie wasn’t sure what to do when all Lucille did was cry and neither of you could explain to her that it was a grown man who had come and cut open a child’s pool. Eddie thinks that was the last straw that made him seriously consider taking up his companies offer.

He hadn’t told you about it yet though that’s what he had planned to do tonight. But unfortunately for Eddie you had gotten to your big news first.

“Eddie?” You asked quietly and he could hear the way your voice wanted to break.

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’d love another baby” he tells you gently holding your waist as you give him a little smile while the tears roll down your cheeks.

“How about we move out of Hawkins…” he pauses for a moment as he pulls you closer to his chest resting his chin on your head, “give them a better life than we got…new opportunities for us”

He can feel the way your head shakily nods underneath his chin, “I’d like that.” He can hear you faintly whisper and that’s the moment Eddie decides that tomorrow he will take his company up in that offer.

Tags~ @miracleboysel @jessyballet @reticent-writer @bubbledtee @marishortcake @marrigold-2002

The next part to this will be them moving out and than Lucille becomeing big sister!