#but we'll see what i can do today and tomorrow
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15. "you’re my favorite person, you know that?"
w/ woozi showing favoritism to reader
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fluff prompt #15: "you're my favourite person, you know that?"
it was a lazy afternoon at the dorm. the boys were scattered across the living room, some playing video games, others talking or scrolling through their phones. you were sitting on the couch, flipping through a book, when hansol and seungkwan walked in, both looking unusually serious.
"hey, jihoon," seungkwan called out, making his way over to where jihoon was sitting at the kitchen counter, focused on something on his laptop. "could you help me with something?"
jihoon barely looked up from his screen. "what is it?
"i need you to help me figure out what to wear for tomorrow’s event," seungkwan said, looking particularly dramatic. "you know, something that'll make me look good but still comfortable."
hansol, standing beside seungkwan, added with a smirk, "yeah, and make sure it's stylish. we can't let him embarrass us."
jihoon sighed, clearly unimpressed. "not today, guys. i’ve got work to do."
seungkwan shot him a pleading look, even crossing his arms in a show of exaggerated desperation. "please, jihoon, you're the only one with taste around here! i can't trust these other guys with my wardrobe."
hansol rolled his eyes. "i have taste too, you know."
"you still think wearing a tracksuit to an event is a good idea," jihoon said, finally looking up with a raised brow, and hansol made a face in response.
"fine, fine," seungkwan said dramatically, throwing his arms up in defeat as he turned away. "we'll just go ask someone else then."
hansol nudged seungkwan and made his way to the couch where you were sitting. "think you could help us out?"
you looked up from your book, blinking in confusion. "me? help you guys with what?"
hansol grinned and pointed to seungkwan. "help him pick out an outfit. you know, show him how to look good for once."
seungkwan grinned as well, adding, "yeah, just a little fashion advice, that's all. nothing serious."
you chuckled, amused by their antics. "i’m not a stylist, guys, but sure, why not? i can help out a little."
just as you were about to stand up, jihoon interrupted, his voice laced with the usual mild annoyance. "seriously? you're going to help them?" he looked at you, then back at seungkwan and hansol with a shake of his head.
"they'll be fine," you said with a grin. "they just need a little guidance."
seungkwan nodded eagerly, and hansol went to the couch, sitting down next to you. "thank you, thank you! see, we knew you'd be the one to help us."
jihoon made a face but returned his attention to his laptop, not bothering to hide his mild irritation. "whatever," he muttered. "i don't have the patience for this."
you could feel jihoon’s eyes lingering on you as you helped seungkwan pick out an outfit. you gave your honest opinions on a few shirts and pants, explaining that some of his choices might be a little too... flashy. you narrowed it down to five shirts, unsure which would look best on him, and after a moment of indecision, you turned to jihoon, who was still at the kitchen counter.
"jihoon," you called, "can you help me decide between these? i'm not sure which one would look best."
jihoon paused for a second, his expression softening just slightly. without hesitation, he got up and walked over to where you were sitting. "you’re asking me to help? alright," he said, the slight amusement in his voice & the small smile on his face making it clear he wasn’t annoyed.
seungkwan, watching from the side, raised an eyebrow. "wait a second," he said, crossing his arms. "when i asked for help, you said no, but now that she asked you’re helping out? that’s not fair!"
you laughed, feeling a little embarrassed as jihoon chuckled lightly. "he likes me, that's why," you teased, giving jihoon a playful look.
seungkwan groaned dramatically. "that's such favoritism. when i ask, it's ‘no, i’m busy,’ but when you asks, it’s ‘sure, let me help.’" he shook his head, turning to hansol. "unbelievable."
you smiled at jihoon as he helped you pick out the best shirt for seungkwan, still teasing, "i guess you just know i need your expertise, huh?"
after a few more minutes of finalizing the outfit, seungkwan was satisfied, and hansol leaned back, clearly relieved. "thanks for saving us from a disaster," he said with a laugh.
"someone has to keep you on track, you would've picked the wrong one," jihoon replied dryly, though there was a soft smile on his face. "but also, you're my favourite person, you know that right?"
you don't answer except for the smile adorning your face, "that's so disgusting," hansol comments as seungkwan faked a gag.
seungkwan waved you off. "seriously, you're a lifesaver."
you smiled but then noticed jihoon still sitting across the room, not paying attention to the conversation anymore. there was a shift in his expression, something you couldn’t quite place, but it was clear he wasn’t exactly happy about being left out of the decision-making process.
when the others finally left to get ready, you stayed behind, gathering your things to leave too. jihoon’s voice broke the silence. "you always help them out so easily," he said quietly, his tone just a little sharp.
you turned to face him, a small frown tugging at your lips. "what do you mean?"
"i thought i was your favorite person," jihoon muttered, looking at you with an unreadable expression. "you didn’t even hesitate to help them."
you were caught off guard, your heart skipping a beat. "jihoon, i—"
he cut you off, his eyes meeting yours. "i’m just messing with you," he said, though the slight hint of vulnerability in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.
you took a few steps closer, noticing how his words weren’t as light as usual. "you’re my favorite person," you said softly, smiling as you stepped into his space, your hand gently brushing his arm. "but you’re also the hardest person to convince. you never ask for help."
he raised an eyebrow, a little teasing. "i don’t need help."
"yeah, but you need me," you said with a wink, pulling his attention back to you. "and that’s okay. it’s just… sometimes, i want to help you too."
there was a long pause, and for a moment, you thought jihoon would brush it off, but instead, he leaned down a little, his lips brushing your forehead. "you know, i kind of like that," he said quietly. "you’re the one person who can always get me to change my mind."
jihoon’s lips curled into a small, genuine smile. "you already have it."
you smiled, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "good, because i plan on keeping that title."
#seventeen#seventeen imagine#svt#svt x reader#seventeen fluff#svt fluff#seventeen x reader#fanfic#daisymbin: reqs#seventeen jihoon#jihoon seventeen#lee jihoon fluff#lee jihoon fanfic#lee jihoon imagines#lee jihoon x reader#woozi x reader#woozi seventeen#seventeen woozi#woozi fluff#woozi fanfic#woozi imagines#jihoon x reader#woozi x you#lee jihoon x you
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"colt — winchester revolver" — a poem about the colt and dean for yesterday's "weapons" prompt! (sorry to be a day late!)
sidenote: i couldn't find a real answer on what metal the colt in supernatural is made of? some colt paterson revolvers are made with steel and some with iron it seems so! idk! i went with iron cause it makes me think of blood and blood relations and all that good stuff ✌️
taglist below (you know the drill)
@spnpoetryrenaissance @aturnoftheearth @friendshapedcas @pinoruno @gracekisses @soupernatural @evenupsidedownbeautifulsomehow @magdaclaire @cinderellarhea @horrorgay @heartshapedcas @breo-rose @raytoroinmybackpack @gilmorenatural @leafblogger @supersapphical @notreallyaroad
#ivy.txt#ivy’s writing#poetry#spnpoetryrenaissance#still wanna do poems for the blood prompt and todays parenthood one#but we'll see what i can do today and tomorrow#hoping tomorrow can maybe be a catch-up day#(btw i promise i know dean was born in 1979. i did 1983 instead because well. that's when the shaping into a weapon began)
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If you were to like redesign Magneto's classic outfit in a way that both suits the character and your own tastes, how would you redesign it?
uhhhh errrmmmmm i dont know i really couldnt improve upon perfection but i have still tried for you my friend !!!
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#erik magnus lensherr#like ig fc erik there too but only if you squint Generally Speaking this aint about him#snap sketches#i thought this was gonna be a quick thing but then As I Do i sat and thought about it for too long#and for what. my end result isn't that different from the beginning !! tragic .#out of these i think. it MAY be obvious i like the far right one#once i remembered I Do In Fact love megaman i locked in cause everytime i draw Classic Magneto all i think of is megaman#cant even make a magnetman joke that mfer already exists and he from my FAVORITE classic megaman title tyvm#anyway. should i explain my reasoning now. man i guess i can try#i couldnt tho is the thing- at least for the first set i really was just ickin around and seeing what i Might like#evidently it was nothing LMAO i told yall i cant improve perfection ... so i just. Smash Bros'd his classic look#With some tearing on the cape cause i said so ............#at most- with the furthermost right bit- i just wanted to emphasize a feeling of 'power' hence the chunkier boots + gloves#with the first look i tried that angle with showing some arm skin buuuuttt i dont like it ...#i think the sleeveless look really only works if the outfit's black idk i cant explain it#overall the first design i tried just feels too sleek for my liking if i wanted to go for a 'power' approach#i like the 'M' i did with the legs at least. i really wanted to incorporate an M in case it wasnt clear but alas ...#tbh i might steal the boots/gloves/underwear design from myself when i draw classic magneto regularly. SHRUG we'll see#as for now i am very sleepy and i have class in the morning and i want to do some work Before Class#very cool but very sad i dont have my third class today :( its my fave class :( at least i get more time to work#and the more work i get done the more time i get to draw the sillies !!! epic ...#anyways. good night everyone !!!!!!! talk to yall tomorrow ..... probably ... or later ig technically... i should sleep earlier <- wont
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it's gonna take a while for the next chapter to be finished because of my exams and assignments and miscellaneous self-imposed deadlines so here is a not-so-peaceful peace offering in the meantime 🙏
#user: gossippool 😝#gossippool writes#fic: unhappy man syndrome#just realised i used settle twice. fuck#i'm not even actively working on the things i'm supposed to i can't grt ANYTHING DONE#and the election results really ruined what little motivation i had left lmfao#but i have classes tomorrow (today) so hopefully that gets me off my ass enough to revise for my exam on saturday#although it's unseen texts so idk how much i can even do in such a short time#idkidkidk we'll see#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadpool#wade wilson
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say hi to me i don't know, i just remembered being so much brighter, i guess
cigarette ash like wildfire burning holes in the nighttime open scars feel like barbed wire white lies flying high like a ceasefire dropping flags on the shoreline this is as far as i can feel right 'cause what you don't know can haunt you
and all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think for a while
don't drag it out living like that doesn't mean a thing
so let's, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars 'cause happy endings hardest to fake
and i wanna let you know i wanna let you go but i just can't bring myself to speak but this is how it goes the end credits, they roll this bridge was built over kerosene but we can watch it and all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think
so let's run, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars you can wish away forever but you'll never find a thing like today
#miraculous ladybug#felix fathom#marinette dupain cheng#felix graham de vanily#🌃#ml amv#felinette felinette felinette FELINETTE#i'm shrimping so hard i'm gromping i'm making absolute tempura#yes the 2 am coco pops félix post was made while i was finishing this yes i am constantly experiencing inconsolable félix feelings#félings even. GOD GOD GOD okay listen#i could do a line by line analysis of this song and how i made the amv i have too many thoughts to put in the tags i am exploding#but in summary REPRESENTATION. REPRESENTATION. EMOTION. REPRESENTATION. EMOTION. REPLIQUE. FUCK ME#félix's trauma an open scar leading her to the art room as far as both of them will go to feel right#ALL HE EVER WANTED WAS TO KEEP ADRIEN AND THEN MARINETTE SAFE#it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark huAHUAHHGAG I MTHRWOING UP it's how he doesn't care what she thinks of him#how she sees him whether she hates him he's Chosen her as someone to protect and he will DO IT he will TAKE HER WHEN HE RUNS#i don't care if you beat me i know i have this under control and i'm protecting you and everything is going to be okay EXPLOIDNGNIG#tomorrow is a mile away tomorrow where i find out who you are tomorrow where we have to come apart#this is how it GOES you're the hero i'm the villain adrien is the lover i'm the monster i'm the cousin#marinette and félix and Knowing each other is so#THEY DESERVE SO MANY OTHER DAYS THEY DESERVE TO SLOW DOWN AND BE WITH EACH OTHER AND NOT HAVE TOMORROW PULL EVERYTHING AWAY AND UAHAUHGAUGH#i'm not well about them. félix and freedom and escape#ALSO i have so many feelings about félix cherishing the people he wants to save so much he was willing to do the same thing that led to#his own trauma and use the peacock miraculous TWICE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME ARE YOU KIDDING ME#you can read it differently but right now come with me ARE YOU KIDDING ME#also ALSO i often think about how felinette standing in front of réplique is a reference to pv felinette#and me placing that directly before the wish is a nod to how the pv was rewritten into canon miraculous. a meta wish... felinette remains#but also in universe you can wish away the world that once was and you'll still never find another thing quite like félix#and who you were and could have been to each other today... cherish him marinette... please cherish him for me#i hit tag limit on this essay so i'm not tagging the episodes i used in the amv but i used all eight félix episodes as always
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Day 15
“Tatsumi-senpai, have you ever kissed anyone?” Kaname asked, sitting across from the other boy in the catacombs. Everyone else had left for the night leaving the two of them alone.
“Why are you asking?” Tatsumi replied, confused as he moved one of his chess pieces on the board. Kaname didn’t know anything about how the game worked and was mostly just guessing at where the pieces moved.
“A-ah it’s nothing, I was just wondering…I haven’t kissed anyone.” Kaname could feel his face heating up. God this was embarrassing, why was he doing this?
“I haven’t kissed anyone either.” Their game of chess forgotten for the moment. Kaname’s face burned even hotter.
“Would you--would you like to try kissing?” He barely squeaked out. How was the great Kaname Tojou such a loser when it came to his crush? He should be confident and yet here he was.
“Can you repeat that, Kaname-san?” He loved the way his name sounded in Tatsumi’s voice. It made him want to die in the moment though.
“Can I--Can we try…kissing?” His voice was still soft but evidently loud enough for Tatsumi to hear if the slight blush on his face was evidence of anything. Tatsumi gently moved their chess board to the side and slid closer to Kaname. Kaname felt his heart rate pick up at the proximity as Tatsumi leaned in closer.
How was he supposed to kiss? He tried to remember the movies and how they did it, closing his eyes and letting Tatsumi guide him, his lips slightly parted. The moment Tatsumi’s lips touched his he thought he would fly, and evidently his mouth moved before he could think, as Tatsumi let out a yelp and brought a hand to his lips.
Kaname bit him. Oh how embarrassing! It wasn’t enough to draw blood but still!
“I’m so sorry Tatsumi-senpai! I didn’t mean to do that! Oh god--”
Tatsumi laughed. Kaname stopped in his tracks as Tatsumi continued laughing. He wasn’t laughing at Kaname, though, or at least not at Kaname as a person, but rather at his reaction to the whole thing.
“It’s okay, Kaname-san. We can try again if you’d like.”
“Y-yes I’d like that very much.”
They leaned in again and Kaname clenched his jaw to keep himself from biting Tatsumi again, but he got a little overeager again and felt their heads bump into each other and not where their lips were (which was where he was aiming for). Kaname curses under his breath but Tatsumi giggles again (a heavenly sound to Kaname’s ears) and cups his face before gently guiding him to Tatsumi’s lips.
Kaname was too in shock to do anything for a moment. He was kissing someone. And not just someone. He was kissing Tatsumi Kazehaya, heartthrob of Reimei Academy. He closed his eyes and relaxed, reaching to grab Tatsumi’s blazer and pull him closer. He felt their teeth clack together but it wasn’t as bad as their first attempt and for Kaname, that was enough.
They pulled away, panting heavily, and Kaname noticed that Tatsumi’s pupils had dilated. He wanted to pull Tatsumi in for another kiss but held himself back, at least for a moment.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Tatsumi spoke, breathless and full of affection.
“No, it wasn’t.” Kaname pulled Tatsumi back in for another kiss, narrowly avoiding bumping their heads together again. He could do this forever, just him and Tatsumi in the catacombs, kissing to their hearts content.
#shay writes#tatsukana#january writing challenge#WE'RE BACK ON TRACK BABEY#i already wrote tomorrow's fic too i will have to edit it#but i'm on a roll today i might work on one of my longer fics#if i dont work on something longer i will die i swear. sobbing#options options.... kaokana fic. big bang fic editing.... the newest longform wip edition which is the madaleo fic#umu what else.........#idk actually there probably is another longer wip somewhere#ignoring the madashu part 2 fic i promised IM SORRY I HAVE NOOOO MOTIVATION FOR THAT ONE RECENTLY#i should do a different madashu fic though. for funsies. i should start a new one#OH THE MADATATSU ONE I WAS WORKING ON RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT#yes yes okay but that one i think i am also putting on the back burner for a bit#but yeah i'm going insane i need to write something longer#i am going insaneeeeeeee just writing short stuff so expect less posting from me in february#for a while anyway we'll see if i can maybe get some chapters of other stuff up#but yeah. anyway cutesies tatsukanas today#cutesies rinniki tomorrow that i've already had people read on discord#and we'll follow it with cute madaleos on thursday i prommy i prommy
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I AM FREE RAAAA
#exams are over#im done with the stuff i needed to do today#i will simply not exist for the rest of the day#we'll see what happens the rest of the semester break#i have an exam (test?) tomorrow#other than that i can rest#omg what a foreign concept#aly.txt
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Yeh I'm back. I returned home late after my exam and I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep. I passed, but I had a blackout moment and I couldn't answer the legislation Q properly and that might've influenced the final grade (it isn't a bad grade but last night I couldn't sleep thinking about how I could've answered so yeah I'm salty with myself). The disciplinary Q was on Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen so at least I got lucky here bc this is one of my favorite topics/authors lol
And now I can go back to write and I can't wait to continue my stories and catch up on things I couldn't do because I was busy!!
#Tweety.txt#yesterday we had the hottest day so far with peaks of 39-40°C and that also impacted my performance probably bc I was not feeling ok#the the number of the question I drew was 313 which is the date I took the written exam (March 13)... what a coincidence#it felt like coming full circle in a way but I like to see connections in everything so I even see it in numbers idk#today or tomorrow I wanted to post a one shot I've already written. we'll see what I can do
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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ignore if you don't give one for my streams Anyways potential stream schedule goin forward Just Until I Finish Judgement
thursday i'll stream judgement from like. 3:30 ~ 7:30
friday'll be 4:30 ~ 8:30
saturdays will be the usual 3:30 ~ . fuckin whenever LMAO art stream i do
#snap chats#ew i just remembered i have my spanish exam tomorrow im going to throw up#anyway i thought i'd stream today but the more i thought of it the more i wanted to throw up#im already really drowsy and plus i dont want to be stressed under the time crunch in-between class#plus assembling and disassembling The Tower is nerve racking i dont need something breaking while i rush to class LOL#thursday'll be chill since i only have my morning class then and friday i only have The One class. and its friday.#i'm putting a strict time limit on gameplay days since i want to try to record these and i think four hours is just enough time#firstly to watch but also i think it's small enough to be able to be saved onto my computer#idk we'll see how it plays out. i think the usb could only record about two hours before it ran out of space#and my computer's space As Of Now is about twice the size of that usb#i'm gonna try to clear up more space but yeah thats the deal for right now#four hours is by no means a lot of gameplay time- much less than id like LMAO but we do what we gotta#maybe i'll do a similar schedule for IW except instead of thurs being a game day i'll make it sunday#i have a night class thursday next semester unless i edit my schedule at some point#honestly i might cut out art streams during IW... lemme speed through the shit so i can draw stuff for it LOL#but we'll get there when we get there
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whats fun is looking at the thread youre hanging on by and seeing where it's about to snap. whats even more fun is deliberately cutting through that thread because you know it'll just snap anyways so why bother clinging to it as if youll make it somehow
#im at the point of complete and total apathy#no matter how many ''life plans'' i make itll all end with me killing myself anyways#ive already proven that i cant change so why bother trying#shes right i did go right back to how i was before going away. no actually thats a lie i got even worse ahah#i dont care. i just dont care.#i actually got a library card on my own today. i even reserved some books and just have to wait for another local library to send them over#i even have plans on friday to get an actual id! but yknow what?#i could still jump off a bridge tomorrow without batting an eye.#i dont care about ''making it'' anymore. whats the point when once i die i'll just reincarnate into the world i was supposed to be in?#whats the point when even if i do manage to become a successful person i'll just be cutting myself and planning my suicide either way?#i dont care. i'll put on my favorite outfit and go jump somewhere high enough that theres no chance id survive i dont care.#i'll even bring all my pills and my box cutter with me for good measure#i really dont care. i really think this is gonna be it.#i rethink for a second when i remember how those i love are going to feel but then i remember i wont be alive in this world to see it#i'll see everyone again when im home anyways. if i will it enough i can bring them along and we'll all be happy#and even if i never wake again then even nonexistence will be better than this#i see no real reason not to anymore. i dont have a future that doesnt end in me taking my own life anyways#i really could do it tomorrow if i have the willpower for it. im going to be left alone in the house for a few hours so#no one could stop me#its tempting#and you know me#self-destructively impulsive without a care in the world towards self-control?#we'll see. we will see.#please pray i will make it home everyone.
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🙃
#my fault for saying yes technically but my manager asked if i can come in today bc someone called out#i was asking about my schedule and she was like 'im adding you to monday' (i was only scheduled tomorrow and tuesday)#and when i asked 'so im not coming in today right?' bc nothing about that was mentioned she said we'll see what my hours#were for the past week#so#guess im going into work :')#as stated my fault for saying yes but in my mind i 1) could have just not and assumed i wouldnt be scheduled#2) the more hours i work rn the more im paid AND it makes up for how much less ill be paid come august (ill only be able to work a certain#number of hours) and 3) i technically didnt have plans today (i had 1 but its a plan that could be any day of the week)#so im just gonna double check w my manager later that the rest of my week is set/im not gonna be coming in after tuesday#bc i would like to plan the rest of my week and do stuff w family as well as just. yknow. personal projects#anYWHO#my period's also supposed to be soon so thats another factor to my not wanting to work but that one is an easy one to ignore lol#amber's shit you can ignore
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good morning!! <3
#gonna finish out what i can for the underwater section (got to 78% yesterday :3)#but it seems this region is supposed to be done alongside a world quest so oops? it'll be fine i have teleports now i can use lol#but i wonder if i wanna start that world quest or if i wanna go do the other region first...#that'll probably be decided tomorrow unless i'm done ridiculously early today#but yeah#those are the plans for today#i'd love to write tonight (bc again i haven't yet this month and it feels odd) but we'll see~#anyways i hope you all have a good day/night!! <3#morning rambles
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lallaaalalala just some things on my mind
#this has been a rant#<- in advance. im going off in the tags. xo#getting close to making a decision abt doctoral programs is STRESSING ME OUT even tho i think ik which i'll choose#one ik will be a good school environment and will be manageable but the other has much. better training and will prep me for#literally anything i could want to do with a whole ass doctorate afterwards when im licensed#next thing. i fucking hate that i have no clue what i look like objectively lmfao. losing weight is great and all (healthy) but#it's fucking with my idea of myself even more than it ever was bc. now it's a 'bad' thing that some things look big on me#(bc THEY FUCKING ARE lol) like today i ended up buying some clothes and yay great but like. my mom was like#yeah so you can wear these instead of what. ur wearing now bc that's gotten big on you etc#and im just ksjghdf it's just a little baggy and also i like it?? but ok whatevesjkdkfdhkh i like the. new ones too im juyst. ??#just in general there's always gonna be Something yknow? annoying. anyway#next thing is that im away w family rn and lovemy fam love spending time with them but it;'s been TWO DAYS and im already#losing......so much patience with some people like. my younger cousins. im. GRR.and i love having some other people around#but we're meeting up w the rest of our group tom and we'll basically be DOUBLE in size for the next week plus and im so#nervous that i'm already at my last nerve with everyone adn that i'll be too overwhelmed/tired/etc that i won't enjoy the rest of the trip#next thing is that it's WILD graduation is literally in six weeks but so mmuch has to happen before then it's making me dizzy#other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED#another thing. it's someones bday tomorrow who ive had a Rough year with (ive mentioned stuff abt them before) and it's just. weird feeling#i dont rem if they even texted me for my bday now im curious im gonna go look lmfao but. obv i'll text them anyway#it's just ... lots of weird feeling thinking abt how much has changed in a year with them. shrug#ok maybe that's it woo
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My chiropractor is probably going to yell at me this week for over doing it yet again but I've made progress. I have a list forming of the furniture we need to get versus what can be repurposed. I have more stuff ready to either be donated or passed on to friends. Ideas for the office are being written down so my partner can think about them without feeling pressured. I'm not sure how long this energy is going to last so I have to do as much as possible as quickly as possible.
#years of depression have made it hard to downsize as much as i needed to#i have entirely too much stuff and kept too much stuff after my family died and it's a problem#but I'm finally getting to a place where i not only can but need to get rid of things and it feels good#hard and exhausting and upsetting but good#when I'm sad or angry i can't get rid of anything but when I'm happy i can see how it will help someone else#so clothes i can't wear anymore but are practically new can benefit someone else#i need to sort through my extensive mug collection and thin it out but I'm putting that off#half of our recycle can is currently full because i ran out of room last week#brought it in as soon as they picked it up and broke down all the boxes i emptied today plus took out the two bags of papers from last week#tomorrow starts the rain again so I'm not sure how much I'll get to do#rainy days make me want to hide but i want to keep going so we'll see what ends up happening
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my toxic trait is work taking up so much of my mind that i think i should just be paid for every bit of work i do. unfortunately this does not translate well to schoolwork and housework
#speculation nation#like i mean it's nice to just be able to do as much work as i want for my job#i can just go in on a day off for a few extra hours bc there's always more to do#and i always make sure to log it so i get compensated :)#but now in my mind doing Extra Work is categorized as Extra Pay but it literally doesnt work like that for personal work#looks regretfully towards my built up dishes...#i at least put my clean dishes away today. i meant to do them today but i dont think that's going to happen lol#i'll at least work on them in the next few days. i'd like to not be living bowl to bowl anymore#(the old 'clean one bowl to use one bowl' phenomena lol)#but i literally opened up my school account to review what the lecture today was about & to prep for lab tomorrow#and somewhere in my mind i was like 'ok i gotta record when i started so i can get compensated for this'#like u stupid bitch it doesnt WORK like that#i wish it did tho. god i should be paid for studying. government pls subsidize my degree. pls#i know that Kind of exists in the form of scholarships but get this im mentally ill and thus cant get scholarships#and so i have to work my way thru school. ugh.#what i wouldnt give for a free ride thru school with living expenses dealt with. INFINITELY jealous of students with rich family#they always talk about how successful people are more often successful bc of Life Advantages (like family paying for shit)#and like. god i feel that#me struggling my way thru school bc i gotta work and pay rent & the amount of work that requires overall is quite frankly crippling :)#i'll get there eventually... and maybe one day i wont have to work so much. we'll see lol
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