#but this & i mean this with wholehearted sincerity happens literally with everything i engage in to some degree and i'm never not tickled

[tkachukisms]

opened twitter just to see multiple of my posts reposted on there. is this the part where I stand up and thank my fans, or,

[cs-discourse]

On making friends on CS

As someone who has a very hard time making friends, in real life and online, some advice for those hoping to make friends on CS. Not sure it will be helpful, but maybe it will. (Yo skip this if you're not interested in that, sorry for the length! I'm overly thorough, I really did try to cut this down.)

To introduce myself a bit, I am someone who: has moderate-severe social anxiety and depression, is an introvert, has a very hard time approaching people, and tends to get overly nervous about...everything. If that seems anything like you then hopefully this can help, I assume extroverts without anxiety find all this much easier. The traditional answer to making friends is 'just go up and talk to people!', so if thats not an option for you, heres and alt approach.

When I first arrived on cs I literally did not use the forums for years, its not surprising I didn't make any friends during that time. After nine years though I can count some very amazing people among my friends on CS. One thing I really noticed was that all of my friends came from working together with them on something, be it both of us moderating a thread, to RPs, to simply being stuck on the same team.

Exactly how you do this is going to depend on you, so I'll try to be broad in the application of this approch: Involve yourself in a group. As very hard as that can be for some of us (and especially me) you don't make friends sorting your 20,000 pets (though kudos on the sorting, and rip your wrist). And I don't mean some big adopt species, sorry but its just not a good environment for making friends if you're anything like me.

Find something you're comfortable with, for example; group RPs, one on one RPs, a club about an interest of yours, thread mod positions on threads you're already involved in, smaller oekaki species, a discord group, etc. Think about where you already visit on the forums, if you only visit places like the trade board, take a peek at some of the others, pick one other place to make one post. Often time making friends can mean having to come out of your bubble and explore. If you need to, take it slow, its not going to happen all at once, so long as you're making some progress.

Great! You've inserted yourself among a group of people who at least have one interest in common with you, and really thats what you look for in friends, someone you can talk with about things you both share (and things you don't). You don't want someone exactly like you, but not someone who is the opposite either. Keep up with your 'group' (whatever form that takes), try and keep yourself involved, get familiar with the people around you. You don't become friends with someone right away, and if your like me it can take time to feel comfortable enough to talk to someone as a friend. Don't get discouraged if you don't make a friend in the first few days, heck, in the first few weeks even.

If you're comfortable with it, try engaging the other users around you, ask them questions, anything relevant to current conversation. (Well, I try not to burst out random things anyway). Show interest in them, people often appreciate it, and are often happy to answer. Just remember to be thoughtful and aware of others. The first step in making friends is creating a dialogue between the two of you. If you don't engage them, or push away their own attempts to talk to you, how would you expect to become friends with someone?

Thats really the key to the whole thing. Somehow, somewhere, start talking (sure I hate trying to talk to strangers but the human race has not yet gained telepathy). If someone approaches you, asks you a questions, comments on something of yours, you might be tempted to put off answering them, ignoring it cause your nervous, or giving a short response and nothing further. Open yourself up to giving them a wholehearted response, ask them something in return, comment on something of theirs, (as much as I hate to say it, cause I know how this sounds) engage! That is how you make friends. If you click then great! If not, no loss, and if they just stop responding, thats fine! Not everyone is a good match, it can take time to find the right person. I guarantee there are people interested in knowing you and being your friend, you just have to find them, don't get discouraged.

And as a last note, to be clear: be sincere and honest with people. Absolutely do not going looking to be friends with a specific person as some sort of 'goal' or 'achievement' or just cause you want something with them, this isn't a quest. Friends are friends because they care about one another, you should want to be friends with someone because you enjoy their company and they enjoy yours. Don't try to be someone you're not, you'll never sustain a relationship that way. I've always tried my very best to be completely honest with my friends, as hard as that can be for me. Cause truly being friends is more than just happiness and hanging out and joking around, it means sharing part of yourself with them, even if its the gross icky part you don't want anyone to know about.

I count myself very lucky for the friends I've made, and though some of us have grown apart I still appreciate the time we had together and those I have now. Not really sure how helpful this has been, but good luck to you all, you all deserve someone who can be there for you, and who you can be there for.