#but they're both interesting! something can be effective art & also really frustrating; or bad in a productive way

[girderednerve]

sometimes i see people having conversations on here & it reminds me of the time in an undergrad english course we were doing group work & the professor came by & asked us what we'd thought of the reading and i said it bothered me, and she said, 'but productively, right?' with instant recognition. being bothered by something doesn't preclude having a good time in its vicinity, guys

[cool-island-songs]

11 and 25 for the dangerous game >:3

thanks mal! <33 (from this ask game)

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

just 3 on this account cuz it's my personal, none on my fanart archiving blog, and 7 on twitter though funnily enough half of those are stranger things-related from a period where i really couldn't escape stranger things. nothing against it—i just only want to see sp stuff and i guess there was a significant enough overlap for a bit

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

generally a lot of things that annoy me stem from the trend of complaining about "fetishization" (yaoi or just shipping culture i guess?) or acting like people are doing anything wrong or in need of pathologizing for interacting with fandom in a way that was totally routine a decade ago. that they need to show they're sufficiently queer and not focused on sexuality in any ~weird way. honestly, i find that sort of thing easy enough to block out on its own (there's more of it on twitter but i just look at art over there). young people often have shame about sexuality and it's none of my business or anything i would ever argue with someone about. i just disengage

it's more the reactions people have to being told they're doing something problematic. there's this endless chain of moral rationalizations for why it's ok to like the thing that piques one's interest because actually it's woke and you don't get it, i'm gay enough to like standard yaoi tropes. some real gay people are like this! you know.. like, why engage this in the first place? why lend any credence to this viewpoint by debating it on its own terms? you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. just keep yaoifying those fake guys

people end up making really weird generalizations about gender, sexuality, mental health, drug use, etc. in an effort to enjoy the old 00s yaoi tropes. to all those who do this, I'm here to tell you you can just enjoy whatever and no one can stop you. personally, even as a smut writer, i like when characters feel whole and often enjoy a fic less if i feel someone is being reduced to gendered stereotypes or flattened in some other way that doesn't interest or challenge me. but those are my own personal feelings and highly subjective besides

i also don't think sharing some broad identity marker with the character you are writing actually shields you from poor characterization. people can "fetishize" themselves easily (and sometimes that's what people want to read/write, and who cares), and it can be hard to write well-developed characters! i just like to read and view things i enjoy on the merits of the work alone

general "you can't ship that" and "he would never top/bottom" sentiments are similarly grating. people can and do ship literally anything and it can't be stamped out so idk why people waste their time streisand effecting ships/dynamics they don't like. with both of these, there's a sense of deluded entitlement, like if people weren't making stuff for their ship/dynamic, they'd be making it for yours. i promise you that that type of hectoring actually just drives people away from what you like. in general, people are often quite fixed in who their faves are and how they like them in romantic/sexual situations. but for those like me, who really can potentially like anything if sold in a way i find compelling, this stuff really confounds and frustrates me. people are bad at getting what they want because of this need to emotionally react without thinking through the way it might impact others. sad stuff to see from adults in particular tbh

[risingsouls]

🦎 + and for fun, what are you most loathed headcanons throughout the DBZ fandom ( bonus points for LoZ, too! )

🦎 for a Ramble || Always Accepting!

[I'll try to think of one for both. The trick is finding something that isn't the dumb shit canon did and are actually headcanons the fandom seems to have latched on to.

It's bad because all my brain can come up with is that I disagree with the pervasive narrative that Vegeta is a sub/bottom, mostly because some art i would rather never see again was suggested to me. 🤣🤣 I guess I struggle with this because most of my frustrations come from canon and fans touting every canon decision as absolute top tier greatness when it's garbagio at best. I also don't actually interact with a lot of fan made stuff tbh. The most I get is face.book's obsession with suggesting DB fan pages with their absolute trash takes. And I'm finding this is even harder with DB because the writers are so into fan pandering and taking shit the fandom has latched onto and pushing it in canon. So hm...

Alright. I'm going to channel @unboundpower here for a second and go with this (and she probably influenced it if I'm real because I never really considered it before interacting with her), but I hate how it seems a lot of people assume and write the fusions as just like...Vegeta's/Goku's replacement and with very cut and dry personality traits from both. Like yes, to a degree, you have to. They're a fusion of these two characters. But that's bland and boring. I like a more nuanced approach that treats them like their own being with their own personalities--influenced by their creators than just cut and pasting them exactly might be a way to put it--ambtions, and lives rather than just being a Goku and/or Vegeta clone. If that makes sense. Like this one is probably very fine line and hard to explain, but if you want a better idea, hit up Nebula's blog and you'll understand what I mean. She does soooo good with the boys and it's fantastic.

On that note, I'll add that, when it comes to the fusions, most of the fan content I see puts them into a relationship with Bulma after they fused permanently. Like not only is it fucked up because ChiChi was basically widowed as well, but it also goes back to what I was talking about in the fusions shouldn't just be Goku or Vegeta's replacement, and I like it WAY better when they're treated as their own beings in every facet, including their personal lives and dealing with how their existence effects those Goku and Vegeta had in their lives. It's makes for a more interesting narrative than, "oh well of course he just got back with Bulma and continued his (read Vegeta's) life."

Now for Zelda. Let's seeeee. It's been a hot minute since I've really interacted with that fandom or fan made content so gotta THINK.

Alright. We're gonna get controversial. And this is probably less headcanon than just like...how fans treat things, but I cannot stand when fans ride the black and white, good vs evil thing with the stories of LoZ, especially when it comes to Ganondorf. And, disclaimer, I do contend that I understand why it happens because the story itself does really push that with some probably too subtle wiggle room to play with that. But to be more specific, I LOATHE the idea that Hyrule is blameless for what happens to it. It's not something outright rampant in the fandom, but I know I had a few run ins back in the day that reeked of this sort of "blameless Hyrule" vibe when it's suggested that the shit they've done help cause the strife they go through (also note: this is me barring Demise's curse; I don't care what anyone says, I don't accept it. It's a cop out at best and cheapens the story).

Ganondorf is probably the greatest example of this. The shit he pulls is a result of how Hyrule treats his people. Yes, he definitely takes it too far and loses sight of that goal and is a horrible person for what he did. This isn't Ganondorf apologist hours by any means. But it's not Hyrule apologist hours either, and I hate how it often feels a lot of fans don't grapple with the other side of the coin, ESPECIALLY after WW comes out.

Which brings up another point: WW suggests Hyrule literally just prayed to the gods and waited around for the hero to return rather than trying to deal with Ganondorf's return themselves. Like there was PROBABALY a better fight than that but I don't know. The way Hyrule as a whole is written, it's VERY dependent on its heroes and the monarchy in a lot of games. But where are people calling that out HMMMMM???

Honestly, what that one comes down to is I just like it more when fans engage with the narrative on a deeper level than what's presented. There are arguments to be made that Hyrule isn't the guiltless, helpless victim that often portrayed, and there is often more eto the villains than gets looked into (and the writing doesn't help *side eyes Skyward Sword for that damn curse*).]

[abstractedthinking]

Okay well it appears that I am in a theorizing mood!

So awhile ago I'm trolling through Tumblr and a post catches my eye, I can't find it and I'm not sure if I reblogged it so I can't give proper credit like I would like to.

But the gist of the post was of this scene(and also if Virgil maybe had a previous aesthetic)

He looks so.. resigned in that scene. Like it was a necessity for him

And as someone who is emo I can 100% say that is true. Strangers are slightly unsettled when you walk into a room, (personally I've had a child run away from me when I half assed it and wore a band shirt and black jeans and boots but still wore heavy eyeliner), security guards watch you just a little closer, and people shift uncomfortably when you sit next to them on busses or in waiting rooms. All of this is because you stand out and are different because you are doing your own thing and don't care, and sometimes you get tired of the stares and your shoulders begin to slouch, and you might start to glare at others, and you might snap a bit if the day has been bad.... does that sound like anyone we might know? A certain side maybe?

So did Virgil have a different style and aesthetic at one point? I don't know, but I can picture a young, freshly manifested Virgil in Thomas's teens trying to get the others to listen to his warnings and his gut feelings and why it's dangerous to do...... whatever. So we've got a young Virgil, only Patton really likes him, because the others can only see him as Anxiety and don't want to see him as something more than his function. That's what I can gather from the first few episodes, especially when he was referred to as 'it' and 'that' occasionally.

Anyway, smol Virgil, trying to get someone to listen to him and his warnings, and one day... he gets fed up with being ignored and just snaps and then the weird voice thing happens and he gets really scary.... And he's listened to.

And he keeps Thomas safe. It's then that Virge realizes that if he's scary, then he's listened to.... and he puts on the dark persona.

So, two more things I wanna talk about. And they both involve not color theory but color psychology, yes it's a real thing. So I'm going to talk about black and purple, his two main colors.

So first off black is associated with power, elegance, death, the unknown, uncertainty, strength, usually has a negative connotation, and is the color of grief and mourning in the western world at least. Black deals with mystery, it's a color that hides. Hides feelings, hides from the world, and it even hides weight.

In art black/dark colors are used to deemphasize some things while lighter colors attract attention and attract the eye.

Black is a color of power, it makes someone look more intimidating if they're wearing mostly black, because they're setting themselves apart and giving themselves an air of superiority.

It's also heavily associated with evil, think of villains in tv shows, comic books, and old movies. They're often sweeping around in black. (Bad pictures I know but they're the best I could find, believe it or not)

Okay, now onto purple. Aside from being a color of royalty (because in Biblical and Medieval times purple dye was the hardest to make so it was so expensive that only nobility could afford it). But here's something interesting I found while writing this, "Physically, purple can have calming effects over the mind and nerves, it can be uplifting and can trigger creativity." (Found here ) different shades of purple also trigger different feelings. Let's go down the line, light purple goes for feminine energy, romantic or nostalgic feelings. Bright purple with richness and royal ranks. And.... Dark purple is said to represent sadness and frustration..

Interestingly Virgil wears both light and dark purple....

(The gif is not mine, I found it on google and I do not know who the maker is)

but you want to know something else? Literally every site I looked at when I googled purple said that PURPLE IS A VERY CALMING COLOR AND CAN HELP WITH ANXIETY

IS THIS A COINCIDENCE THAT THE AVITAR OF ANXIETY CHOOSES PURPLE??? I DONT THINK SO

So, with that in mind, maybe I've helped make Virgil's character a little more... colorful for you heheh

(Incase you wanted to see the other two sites who didn't have the URLs displayed here they are)

Got something you want to hear my thoughts or theories on? Send me an ask!

@thatsthat24 @tallykat3 @thejoanglebook I’d love it if y'all saw this

@the-sanders-snides @randomslasher @princelogical @anxietalyn @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @ts-sideblog @deathshadowrules @onestepinfrontoftheother

[tcportfoliomgj]

Saturday, 5th of June, 2021

"What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? - Henry David Thoreau (1854/2017)

In high school, I wasn't exactly a great student. Or easy, for that matter. Even in primary school, my teacher would call my parents after the first period. During parent-teacher conferences, they would schedule my mom in the last slot, that way they had enough time. I didn't have my diagnosis back then and I was smart enough to keep up without too much trouble. But I did talk back to teachers, especially when I felt they were being unjust. This only got worse in high school.

Before I got my ADHD diagnosis, my high school teachers thought I had ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). I can't blame them, though, especially looking back now. I was very argumentative, I still am, but I'm not always like that. When I felt like things were unfair, I wasn't able to let that go. I had a lot of very authoritarian teachers, who put themselves way above their students. Having authority is one thing, but that doesn't make you more of a person, or a better person, or a more important person. I didn't do well with those kinds of teachers, especially when they also taught a subject that I strongly disliked.

In high school I had a mathematics teacher, let's call him Mr E., who I didn't get along with very well. I never liked math. I wasn't particularly bad at it, but during the first few years of high school I didn't keep up with it very well, so I was behind compared to most students. Mr E. was the kind of teacher that would say things were easy, while I was really struggling with them. We didn't like each other much, and it kept getting worse over the years. It got to the point where he wasn't willing to help me anymore, and I wasn't willing to work anymore. I remember I once missed a class because I was sick and when I asked him to explain something I missed, he said no. He told me to look it up on YouTube and to deal with it myself. I also remember a time where I wasn't willing to do anything, we got into a big argument in front of the whole class and he sent me away. I packed my back, told the class "good luck in here in hell" on my way out and slammed the door shut.

Now, at teachers college, I often joke that I wasn't an exemplary student, but I don't think people realise how difficult I actually was. In my defence, there are still quite some cases I think I was right. I also don't regret standing up for myself against unfair teachers, I just didn't always go about it the right way. There were a lot of incidents in my high school days. I got sent out of class a lot, got a lot of detention and made quite a few enemies. But I wasn't a lost cause, even if Mr E. thought I was. I managed to pass my math exams, even though I stopped attending my math classes during my last year in high school. I was willing to work for teachers who did try their best for me. I loved English, history and art, and the teachers that taught me were very willing to help me, support me and encourage me. They challenged me and engaged me, and so I was very much willing to put in the effort and go the extra mile for them. I felt seen by them and that's all I really wanted, especially during those years in my life.

Mr E. wasn't the only teacher I had a rocky relationship with. My economics teacher, Mr B., didn't exactly get along with me either. He often got angry with me in front of the whole class when I forgot my books and notebooks. This happened a lot. I felt very humiliated, but I turned that into anger and frustration. He knew about my diagnosis and when I tried to explain to him that I really tried not to forget my things, he told me he understood but that I shouldn't forget them anymore. It infuriated me. I didn't feel understood, or seen or acknowledged. As an angsty teen who was dealing with depression on top of her ADHD, it was really hard.

I think almost everyone knows that I struggled with math this year as well and I will admit, I was part of the problem. However, I didn't plan on things turning out like this. As I mentioned before, I struggle with mathematics because there's a lot of gaps in my knowledge. The math classes here at TC and the PABO is mostly about teaching math and not so much about the math itself. It makes it interesting, but also difficult. Because how do you teach a subject you don't fully understand? Or maybe even barely understand? Janneke and Danny would talk about some math exercises for primary schoolers and I would struggle with them. They would say something along the lines of "they're being taught this in group 5" or "it's pretty easy", and in those moments I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. Because I didn't understand, because I struggled, because I felt really stupid. I didn't ask for help, that's definitely my fault, but I also didn't feel very encouraged to ask for help. Lots of students asked questions by sending them emails, and it often happened that Janneke and Danny didn't respond. I was frustrated, but I did try, even though everyone thinks I didn't.

I was at almost every lecture, which is the bare minimum, I know, but something that was actually very hard for me considering being there made me feel quite insecure. I tried to do the assignments. One of the first big assignments was the one where we had to give our own students some math questions without explaining anything to them. Afterwards, we'd have to analyse them. Giving the questions to my students wasn't hard and I didn't mind doing it, seeing some of their answers was really interesting and fun even (appendix 5). When I had to analyse them, however, I began to struggle. I don't hate math, but what frustrates me is that the class isn't very accessible. If you struggle with mathematics, the class will be really challenging.

One of the basic human needs is autonomy (Ryan & Deci, 2002, in Stevens & Bors, 2013, p. 73). However, in a way, autonomy can be seen as a paradox. If you tell a student to be independent and autonomous, and they obey, then they are in fact not being autonomous because they're doing what you told them to do. However, if they do not comply, they continue to be dependent on you. Mariani (1997) approached this subject very well and explains how teachers can promote autonomy. He explains that we need to challenge our students in order to answer their need for autonomy. We support them in order to answer their need for dependence. He then puts this in a framework.

Figure 2. Teaching Style Framework (Mariani, 1997)

The level of autonomy and dependence need to be balanced. A high level of challenge with a low level of support should be avoided. He recalls a moment where he experienced this himself and explains that "the result [...] was anxiety, insecurity, discomfort, and even aggressiveness - not to mention the long-term effect on my self-confidence" (Mariani, 1997). The ideal is a situation with a high level of challenge combined with a high level of support, this way we can create the zone of proximal development (Mariani, 1997). During the math classes, I find myself facing a high level of challenge with a lack of support, and later I discovered I wasn't alone.

I made the decision to not do the math assignments. First of all, I think the subject isn't relevant for quite a lot of students. When I asked my coach why we had math in the first place, she answered that it was mandatory because teachers college is part of the PABO. This isn't very motivating because knowing that it's mandatory doesn't explain why it is. Second of all, this tells us that it is in fact not very relevant for the students who know that they want to continue high school education instead of primary education. I was also told that they scaled up math since last academic year. This is because students in the craftsman phase were lacking knowledge and struggling. Again, this is not very relevant for the students who choose high school education. I understand that I made a choice to do TC, which means experience both levels of education, but we have a significantly high amount of math classes compared to a lot of other subjects.

Secondly, I think the way math is taught isn't in line with teachers college. This also relates to Mariani's framework. At TC we are taught to be better teachers, to support and motivate our students and to be open-minded. Our teachers also play a part in this. What I experience is that the teachers within the core team practice what they preach. I feel like my basic needs are met. I don't feel the same about math and I decided to create a survey (appendix 6). I asked TC students (of all years) to fill it in and 19 of them did. It's not a lot, so maybe not representative for all TC students, but I decided to stop promoting the survey when it caused some commotion (rumours were being spread that it was a survey to get rid of math altogether). But the results of the survey are still very interesting.

Seven out of nineteen students were TC1 students, the other twelve are TC2 or above. Almost all the higher years indicate that they didn't have any assignments or had small ones, but none that involved their internship or took multiple weeks to finish. Nine out of twelve higher years claim that they didn't experience math as stressful at all. Two students found the classes useful. Only one student felt like they had learned something, a few students are neutral in this, but most claim not to have learned much. Most higher years say they do not remember the theory that was taught to them, indicating that the classes weren't even lasting. When asked if they had further comments, many of them said they didn't find the classes meaningful, that they didn't see the value or that they don't remember much from the classes at all. It is clear that they were in one of the low challenge zones, making it either too easy (a low challenge with high support levels) or boring (a low challenge with low support levels).

Now if we take a look at the TC1 students, the answers shift. When asked what kind of assignments they had, they all answer with big assignments that stretched over multiple weeks as well as in-class assignments and presentation. On top of that, it is mandatory for the portfolio (this wasn't the case for the higher years). Five out of seven students experienced the workload as high, the other two were neutral. Six students claim they experienced stress, one is neutral. Some of them do claim to have learned something, or that they experienced it as useful, but I think it's important to remember that for TC1, my year, it is mandatory for our portfolio and so there's more at stake. The workload that TC1 experienced indicated that we're in the high challenge zones. The stress experienced indicated a lack of support, putting us in the anxiety zone.

What did we, as students, do to change this? At first, not a lot, at least not as a collective effort. I know a lot of students email Janneke and Danny with questions or stayed behind after online class but often didn't get answers or help. They experienced low support. When we did come forward as a class, some of us still did not feel seen, or heard. We had a conversation with Janneke and Danny and I experienced it as very frustrating. Just like Mariani (1997), I experienced anxiety, discomfort, insecurity and a level of aggression, the same way I did in high school with Mr E. and Mr B. I felt ready to throw my stuff into my bag and walk out of that room, but I didn't.

Maybe it's closed-minded to not do the math assignments, maybe it even shows a level of disrespect. At the end of the day, I passed my mandatory math test (wiscat) (appendix 7), I learned and did just as much as the students last year (who also passed math) and I refuse to be put in a zone of anxiety when I'm learning, especially when I'm learning how to be a supportive teacher myself.

🎵 ZITTI E BUONI - Måneskin