#but they're all gone I've forgotten pretty much everything

[kakusu-shipping]

💌 for Dick (Ace Attorney)! What’s the polycule version? Also do you have a 🔪🔪 from that fandom?

I'm never going to get use to calling him Dick everytime it catches me off guard fkgjfdkgd

Send me a 💌 and one of my selfships and I’ll add another character to make it an OT3 and tell you about our polycule!

In universe polycules could be with Raymond Sheilds and Phineas Filch, both character I have a crush on and interact with, but Gumshoe doesn't have a direct connection to, or Maggy Bryde who Gumshoe canonically has a crush on, but I have no strong feelings about. I've also always liked the Phoenix/Edgeworth/Gumshoe polycule but I don't think I would be apart of that. So it's not a very interesting polycule dynamic sense it's more in a chain pattern.

Out of universe I think Gumshoe could fit cleanly into any Polycule. He's a pretty friendly guy, and gets along with about anyway. I could see him forming a crush on Iggy or Raine, but again nothing sticks out as super interesting polycule wise. He's just a good guy, could really slot in anywhere.

Send me 🔪 and a fandom and I’ll tell you about my f/e (fictional enemy; character I would fight with my self-insert)

Oh for sure! My S/I for Ace Attorney is the Baliff, so he for sure has to take down a handful of off the rails witnesses. Larry Buttz being the main one I've tackled that guy so many times...

Actual people I have like, a real gripe against and want to beat up? There's not much, I haven't played the original trilogy in a long time but I don't remember having too many strong feelings about a lot of the big bads, other than Gant and Von Karma but even that wasn't too much. Maybe Dahlila? But something about throwing actual hands with her feels icky. I don't think I could hit her if it came down to it.

I'll have to replay the games and come back to this because I feel like I should want to hit Gant more than I currently do, but he's getting away with it because a lot of his sprites are really cute.

[creedslove]

WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: even against your wishes, your bond with the Millers straightens and a series of events causes you and Joel to get closer, enough to spike the fear of falling again for him

• This is the second part of Who Knew? 💍💔 Which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), house breaking, protective Joel, sexual tension

A/N: so besties, I've been obsessed with this idea, and I hope you enjoy it as well! I mean, I've been writing a little more than 1k words a day, there were some parts I thought were good and some were not so good, as a final result, I don't know, I really hope you all enjoy it my lovelies! It's so hard to resist Joel, isn't it?

10.4k words

If someone told you one day, after a decade of being divorced from Joel due to the huge heartbreak he put you through, your bond with the Millers would straighten once more, you would stand up and punch them out. It was so ridiculously absurd to think you would become closer to the man who chewed you up and spat you out and even if he had indeed changed and was a better person, wasn't enough to make you forget what happened. Yes, you had forgiven him, but not forgotten what went on between the two of you, and even if a part of you desperately begged you to stay away and never talk to Joel again, destiny was pretty ironic at its doings and made you and his daughter, Sarah, become friends. You didn't mean to, and you were sure that if it were up to him, he wouldn't have said yes either, but you never knew she was his daughter and he never knew his daughter's friend was… well, you.

After he did some working at your home, he had asked you out, which you actually considered, but then dismissed the idea completely, there was no way you would put yourself through that again, even if he was even more handsome than when he was young, even if he did make your heart race and pound like you were some inexperienced teenager and even if late at night before falling asleep you closed your eyes and replayed in your mind the last kiss you cherished. Even if you focused hard enough and could still feel his warmth, the heavy grip of his hand on your waist, the way his beard that now was sprinkled with grays here and there scratched your skin and how Joel Miller still had the best kiss you'd ever tried. For a moment it had felt so right, even if it was wrong, and a hidden part of you, the part that just maybe didn't despise Joel that much often allowed you to wonder what would actually happen if you had given him a chance to take you out, would it have been really that bad? You would've gone somewhere to drink or grab something to eat, hang out, perhaps even dance and of course you would end up in Joel's bed, hardly any woman would pass up this opportunity. For a moment you wish it could've been that way, but unfortunately, you and Joel were done. After you turned him down you still shared a last kiss and then you both went back to your own lives, the only thing that connected the two of you in the past was the failed marriage you had just as the only thing that connected the two of you in the present was Sarah.

She was the loveliest girl you'd ever met in your life, so smart and sweet, always kind to everyone, responsible and even if you had had problems with her dad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for her and the fact her own mother didn't want to be around; it sounded crazy to you that woman could give up her chance of being the mother of a wonderful little girl like Sarah, even if Joel had killed any kind of desire of getting involved with someone to the point of building up a family. Not to mention Joel himself, he was a handsome, hard-working man, and he had been a good husband before Angela ruined your life. You knew she wasn't the only one to blame, Joel was a real dick, but now you certainly had two reasons to hate her: the fact she ruined your marriage and that she abandoned her daughter.

After Joel took over the renovations in your home, Sarah continued coming over and even if you felt sort of guilty from keeping the truth from her, you also knew it wasn't your place to tell her, if anything, you and Joel needed to do it together. You couldn't ruin the perfect image she had of her dad, because he was a great father to her and no one could deny that. Overall, you really enjoyed her presence; it wasn't uncommon for her to tag along during lunch time or spend the afternoon reading on your couch. Sometimes you wondered if she didn't have enough friends to hang out with, after all, Joel was busy throughout the day and any teen would take the opportunity of freedom to do whatever shit they wanted with them without having to give their parents the time of the day, but that didn't make any sense, not with Sarah being a sociable girl like she was, so when the realization that she sort of envisioned you as a motherly figure at some level, you felt quite shocked. If life hadn't pulled some unfunny tricks along your way, she could've easily been yours and Joel's daughter. You tried to shake it off and pretend she didn't see you that way, but looking back at your interactions it was undeniable; Sarah opened up to you about things she certainly didn't with Joel, from the pain of periods, to problems with girl friends and boys. It was amusing until Sarah began questioning you about it, asking you about your love life, past relationships and why you were single. You felt bad about not telling her the whole truth, but it was a complicated situation. Especially when she came up with the idea she really considered it to be genius

"Why don't you date my dad?!"

She asked you one lazy afternoon, making you choke softly at the water you were drinking, looking at her shocked and speechless for a while, her sweet smile was impossible to make you get mad at her, and above all it was a genuine question, she wasn't just messing with you.

"What?! My dad looks good, he works hard and he would make you very happy!" She cheered innocently, which caused your heart to sink.

"No… I wouldn't date your dad, he's incompatible… I mean, we are incompatible, I'm sure we wouldn't get along"

"Why?! Is it because you have more money than us? Dad does say you are way out of his league"

And you were shocked and speechless once more. Joel had talked about you to Sarah? And he had told her you were out of his league? This information should have made you scoff and roll your eyes, and not make your cheeks heat up while you blushed.

"No Sarah, Jesus no! It's got nothing to do with money or anything… I mean, your dad works hard and he should earn more than he does, because he is very dedicated and well, an honest working man like Joel can be worth a lot more than a rich guy, trust me" you sighed as she stared at you intently "but the thing is… I've been married once, I was too young, it was disastrous, it didn't work obviously, I got hurt and well… your dad sort of reminds me of him, my ex-husband I mean… It's hard to explain, but no, I wouldn't date your father"

You hated that you lied to her, well, half lies at least, but you wished you could be honest, Sarah was an important part of your life and it would be a lot easier if you three would come clean about everything that happened; on the other hand, you couldn't even imagine the mess you would make in her poor little head, as it was pretty messy and fucked up for you as well whenever you stopped to think you were friends with your ex-husband's daughter, the one he had with the woman he cheated on you with and that simply walked out and abandoned him. It even sounded made up, so you offered her just the piece of information you could. Sarah reached out to you, taking your hand in hers and caressing your knuckles, she gave you a sympathetic look and nodded

"I'm so sorry… I can't even imagine how you must feel, he didn't deserve you anyway, you can be sure you are way better than him, and well, I am just glad dad isn't like that, he's a nice guy, he would never do such a thing to anyone. I just feel like he deserved more too, you know? That woman… my mom, even if she shouldn't be called that, just broke his heart and disappeared. Uncle Tommy told me she never really wanted to have me in the first place and if it weren't for dad, you know…" She looked down trying to hide the thick sadness that fogged her face and it was your turn to reach to her, taking her hand, but seeing it wasn't enough as you got up and walked to Sarah, giving her a hug.

"I don't know, I just wish dad would find a nice girl like yourself and then he could be happy, I mean, we all could…"

•••

Joel groaned at how annoying his brother really was, he didn't get why Tommy would always pry into his fucking business instead of handling his own life, Joel was a grown man and he didn't need anyone trying to set him up with women or just inviting him out out of pity. He could take care of himself; he didn't need to meet women or be in a relationship, he was fine the way he was, his life was already way too hectic the way it was, whenever he felt lonely he could just pick up some woman at a bar and get laid and then go back to his everyday routine. And yet both Tommy and Sarah kept on getting on his nerves, always suggesting him to one girl or another or trying to drag him on double dates. When Sarah had casually told him to ask you out, completely oblivious to the fact he had already done it and you shut him out, Joel was at a loss of words, he tried playing cool but he couldn't deny the mess his feelings had become. He wasn't sure how to suppress them, not after that one kiss. That must've meant something, you wouldn't just give him a speech of how uninterested you were and how you two would never work out again and then kiss him like that, you probably still had feelings for him, if not feelings, at least desire, and as much as he would love to act on it, he didn't want to force things up, to he pushy and make you uncomfortable. He'd hurt you too many times to learn that if you'd asked him to stay away, he should stay away. Not only that, Tommy was completely onboard with everything you had said, to him, the fact Joel was crushing on his ex-wife more than a decade after breaking her heart was a clear sign of madness. He figured Joel still had feelings for you, even if Tommy wasn't one to settle down, he couldn't understand how his brother went from madly in love with his pretty young wife to a terrible husband and finally the asshole who dumped her for another woman. He knew that the passion Joel felt for Angela was strong, but even more than just a burning passion, lay that undying love he'd felt for you, and he was sure it wouldn't simply go away, which didn't necessarily mean that Joel surrendering to that love was a smart move. Quite the opposite, it was probably the dumbest thing Tommy had ever heard in his entire life. How could Joel even keep any hopes of getting with you again?! It hadn't worked, too many people got hurt and all he wanted was that his brother could actually see that, so he simply discouraged Joel from getting anywhere near you, as if it wasn't bad enough Sarah had been dragged accidentally into this story, he didn't want his brother suffering around. So he set his brother up on a date, something that Joel hated with passion but since he was feeling particularly hopeless that night he ended up accepting it.

He was usually very against being set up on blind dates, but Joel had created a depressing ritual of always going out and grabbing a drink whenever he came across the date that would've marked his wedding anniversary with you. Joel often heard men were forgetful and didn't remember important dates, but he had never been like that, always keeping the important dates fresh in his mind was something common, ever since he was a child, especially when they brought him strong emotions, such as the ones he shared with you. He thought it was a little stupid at first, but he found out that it helped him cope with the guilt and the doubts that always clouded up his mind. He would sit at a bar and wonder where you could be, how your life would have been like and if you ever thought of him. It sort of became his thing, but this year, for the first time, he knew the exact answers to his questions, and it was so odd, he decided to take Tommy's suggestions to go out with a friend of his brother's girlfriend, he didn't really care nor paid attention, he just exchanged numbers with her, showered and got dressed after work and headed for the restaurant.

And just as he had predicted, it had been another disastrous date. Not that the girl wasn't pretty, she was, but she was just exhausting; her conversation was tiring, her subjects were boring and overall, she just wasn't you. Joel didn't understand why he was having it so bad for you, he knew he shouldn't, he should forget about it all and focus on something else, but as much as he tried not to think of you, more he thought of you. It was maddening. He couldn't help himself but compare the two of you: you were prettier, smarter, funnier, you dressed and smelled better than that random stranger he saw himself being forced to have dinner with. And he wished with all his heart you could be on that date with him; if only you gave him just one chance to show you he was a better man, he would never hurt you like he did before, give you a chance to redeem himself and make you happy exactly the way you deserved it, he would be the happiest man in the world. Life wasn't gonna make things easier for him, and deep down, he knew he didn't even deserve it in the first place, so he tried once more paying attention to his date, which didn't last very long and the moment he saw the opportunity to leave, he grabbed it like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean and headed to a bar - alone, and only after paying for the check, after all, Joel Miller was still a gentleman.

Your wedding anniversary had always been a tricky date for you; there were years you went completely unaffected by it and years you felt like dying. For the first time, however, you were closer to Joel than you'd always been in the years before, and because of that, you decided you deserved better than just stay home and have some bland dinner by yourself, you would go out and perhaps meet other people… And your plan went really smoothly for a while; you got to a nice bar, dressed nicely, dragging some male attention towards you and even got paid a drink by a handsome stranger who waved from afar. It felt like a promising night, until Joel Miller walked in and looked for a table, and he looked devilish handsome as he did so. You bit your lips feeling the alcohol rushing towards one direction at the same time you censored yourself: no matter how lonely and needy you were feeling nor how handsome he was, you couldn't simply feel the hots for him. As if he'd just read your mind, Joel turned around, his eyes falling right on you, his gaze softened up and you saw him running his tongue through his lips, deciding whether or not to walk towards you.

Of course he did it.

The moment he approached, Joel noticed the sadness in your eyes and he was sure you were the for the exact same reason he was, and it was just another motive to get closer to you; taking the chair next to you, he asked the bartender for a drink and as soon as he had it in hands, he stared at you.

"Happy wedding anniversary, darling" he tilted his glass against yours, as you just nodded and took a long sip.

"Happy wedding anniversary, handsome" you replied in a mockery tone using the old nickname you used for him. Handsome was a word that really described him, your Joel. He had always been a handsome man, but how well time treated him was impressive to say the least. He looked so good, he was bigger, broad and stronger. His dark hair had become a little grayer, just like a few patches all over his beard, and that suited him like a damn velvet glove. The way his shirt hung tight around his shoulders and down his arms, eyes lingering on him for way too long, as a warmth spread through your cheek and Joel chuckled

"Funny how you still blush when I'm around… Exactly like old times" he grinned and took another sip of his drink, which was enough to break you free from the spell you were under.

"What are you doing here? I thought I'd made myself pretty clear, Joel" you sighed and stared down into your glass.

"I'm doing the same as you are, darling… I'm thinking about all the bad decisions I made in life. You have been pretty clear, I ain't going to bother you, but I just missed you… it's so weird to see Sarah getting home everyday so excited over you, talking about how nice and awesome you are and I have to pretend not to know about it"

"Yeah? And you think it's easy for me to spend the whole afternoon listening to her talking about what an amazing dad you are? How you are awesome but very unlucky to have had your heartbroken by her mom?" You raised your eyebrow and chuckled

"She really say that?" Joel's expression showed a slight shock "she said I was an amazing dad?!"

You tilted your head at his surprise and bit your lips, perhaps it was just the drinks you had that softened you up a little, but when you saw it, you placed your hand on his arm and shook your head

"Yeah? Why are you so surprised? You are an amazing dad, Joel… that girl loves you more than anything in the world, she idolizes you, of course, she thinks you work too much and that you could both spend some more time together, but other than that, it's clear you are a great father. I was very surprised when we met again, to see your change, I never really thought you would become a better person, not after what happened, but it's nice to see Sarah changed that" you smiled softly at him, and that just melted Joel's rough heart, he immediately took your hand before you could move it away and caressed your knuckles softly, his gaze still making you pathetically shy, as he pursed his lips and you remembered how good they've always felt on your own and also all over your body.

"You know she also sees you as a mother figure, right?!"

"Yeah, I was reluctant to admit it at first, but she does… I guess she needed that, you know? A woman she could talk to about girl stuff, things she cannot talk to her dad or her uncle Tommy" you smiled "I really like Sarah and I'm very glad you allow us to be friends, I understand it is a really odd situation for you, as it is for me, but I like her a lot… you know, if things had been different, she could've been my daughter… our daughter" you sighed "things could've been different Joel… you know what made so hard for me to forgive you? It's not exactly you falling for Angela, of course, rejection hurts a lot, but sometimes it happens, sometimes you fall for someone you shouldn't have, but what still breaks my heart is that you lied to me, you played with me instead of coming clean. You just kept me around even if you didn't want me anymore, so just you would have a comfortable option in case it didn't work with her, and that was what made me feel worse… it made me feel unworthy, because you could still have been considerate of me and just break things up before it all happened" you shrugged

"Darling, I-" he squeezed your hand tighter but you pulled it away

"I'm not trying to make you upset or anything, all I am saying is that things could have been different between us, they should have been at least, if not staying married, having a child and building a family together, then at least having your honesty…"

"What can I do so you forgive me?" Joel asked, his voice breaking a little as he tried to hide the emotion growing at any minute.

"I've already forgiven you Joel, I already told you that… but I can't forget what happened, it will always haunt me" you sighed "too many things happened and as much as I had loved you, I think I would never be able to trust you"

"Please, I have changed, it kills me to know I've hurt you so much, I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that I did.. please, darling" Joel begged you with those brown soft eyes, his hand cupping your cheek in a warm caress and even if you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch for a while, you knew you couldn't let yourself fall into his touch, because if you did, there would be no turning back.

"If Angela returned today, Joel… imagine if she came back and tried claiming you and Sarah, would you still care about me? Because I don't see this happening, Joel. Honestly, what I think is that you want me because you feel bad about what happened and because you couldn't have who you really wanted…"

His expression was indecipherable and for a second you thought he would say something, but all he did was pull you closer, gluing your lips together in an urgent kiss, you could've fought it, but you didn't; instead, you kissed him back, taking your hands into his curls and tugging at them more and more each time Joel pulled you even closer.

Only when the two of you broke the kiss, he looked into your eyes, his thumb stroking your bottom lip gently

"There isn't anyone I want but you, I never stopped loving you, darling… even when Angela was around, she couldn't compare to you" his words shattered your heart, as much as you wanted to believe that, you still couldn't. You grabbed his hand and sighed

"Don't do this again, Joel, please. You've ruined too many things for me already…" you got up and said goodbye "we can't, you know it"

"What have I ruined for you, darling? Tell me and I'll fix it, please"

You chuckled sad and shrugged

"Joel, you even ruined Queen for me'

You walked away from him, leaving him there with his drink and his thoughts, a puzzled look out of confusion in his face trying to figure out exactly what the hell you meant by that. Just as he saw you disappear out of the door, he realized what meant as he paid attention to the lyrics of the song playing in background:

"Love of my life, you hurt me

You've broken my heart

And now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see (...)"

And even if Joel wanted to be rational and convince himself he'd lost you for good, his heart still insisted on wanting what he couldn't have.

•••

Your car parked in Joel's driveway was the last thing he expected to see that night, after working excruciatingly and failing his promise of getting home earlier to have dinner with his daughter. He knew Sarah was probably waiting, disappointed but also used to it, full of having some sandwich or any other snack she could find. He cursed himself for getting so caught up at work, he didn't mean to, but he had done it again, after all, he had to attend an important meeting with a possible new client and then he would need to wait for the arrival of a bunch of materials that had been delayed for weeks, and even if he knew his daughter was safe with you, he still felt upset to have not given her the attention she needed. However, you had never been to his house before, that was something that you established from the very beginning and when he kissed you at the bar a couple of weeks ago, Joel was certain that was the end of seeing you, occasionally or not. He was sure you'd never shut Sarah out, you liked her for real, and she reciprocated the feelings; besides, you were a decent enough human being who knew you didn't have to mix things up. So, the fact you were indeed at his home, was concerning to him, who parked and immediately left, getting inside wanting to see what was going on. The moment the door opened in one hard swing, you got off the couch and walked to your ex-husband

“Hey Joel” you said, a little shy, suddenly, the fact you were standing in the middle of his home uninvited made you extremely embarrassed, as it felt you were somehow intruding on his intimacy. Since the divorce Joel had moved into a new house, bigger and cozier, a nice backyard with a decent swimming pool was something that drew your attention; you smiled at yourself, knowing how much Joel loved swimming, so it made your heart warm to see he had accomplished something that seemed quite small, but it meant a lot to you.

At first, when you saw the house, you couldn't help but be invaded by a furious jealousy of the possibility Joel had built that house for her, Angela, instead of you. Luckily, Sarah clarified he only started to build it when she was a toddler and that Tommy helped him, and that's why he often crashed there. You chuckled to yourself, that was typical of Tommy, but overall you felt proud of Joel and everything he achieved, you knew he had potential and it was great that he actually worked on it.

“Where's Sarah?!” He asked with worry and called her name once more, louder this time, frowning as you shushed him.

“I'm sorry I'm here, but she had a fever felt sick, I wanted to call you but she asked me not to an-” you were cut off by Joel simply climbing up the stairs and heading straight to Sarah's room, he felt a mix of guilt and worry weighing in his heart at the fact his baby daughter was sick and he couldn't be there for her. He barged into her room, normally, that would be enough to startle her, but instead, he found her peacefully asleep, clung tight to her pillow, dressed in her regular PJs. He touched her forehead wanting to check her temperature, but luckily her skin wasn't warm anymore. He looked at the door and found you there, arms folded and looking like you wanted to say something else, and then he just realized how rude he'd actually been to you by simply walking away and letting you talk to a brick wall. He placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead and closed the door behind him.

“I'm sorry darling, I was worried and you should've called me…”

“It's okay, Joel… as I was saying, I wanted to call you, but Sarah asked me not to, she said you were having an important meeting and you would be home soon, anyway” you licked your lips as you realized he was extremely late and probably feeling so guilty about it all.

“You know, she was at my place and she was feeling a little down, at first I thought she was just upset because she wasn't invited to Melissa's party an-”

“That girl is a bitch” Joel said angrily and in such a defensive way that it was both cute he was so protective of his daughter at the same time it sounded hilarious to see him cursing another teenage girl. However, you had to agree with him, Melissa was indeed a bitch.

“Yeah, I know right?! Anyway, I noticed Sarah was burning up with fever and since she didn't want me to call you, I decided to bring her home and stay with her. So I asked her to take a cool shower, gave her some tylenol and made her some chicken soup with the things I found in your kitchen…” you both went downstairs and stopped in his living room. You tried not paying attention to how good your ex-husband looked after his long hour shift; his sweaty shirt so tight against his broad chest, his messy hair and that stressed attitude that would always melt away with a very intense orgasm.

“You made soup?!” Joel frowned a little shocked and interrupted your drifting thoughts.

“Y-yeah, why? Did I do bad?”

“No” Joel smiled softly and shook his head “not at all, it's just that… I haven't had your food in so long and you've always been a good cook, that's all” the nostalgia he felt was so big and it also warmed your heart, nodding at him “well, I made some more in case you wanted to have dinner too, it's in the kitchen, you can help yourself if you'd like…” you offered him and grabbed your purse “can you call me tomorrow and let me know if Sarah is better?”

Joel grabbed your arm gently and shook his head

“Don't go, not yet… just have dinner with me, talk to me for a while, I promise I won't try to kiss you or anything. Just keep me company, it's rare to have people over, it's usually Sarah and I and usually Tommy, but when they are out, it's just me” he looked at you with a sad expression, and you understood perfectly: loneliness.

Coming back home to an empty bed at night. Not having anyone to rely on, to hold, to give you support and affection, to make love. So you nodded and smiled at him, sitting down with him at the table and grabbed yourself a plate, giggling at how hungry he really was, eating as if he hadn't seen food in months. He raised his eyes at you and stopped chewing, blushing as you wouldn't stop staring.

“You know, you and Sarah have the same sad puppy eyes when you are sick?!” Joel raised his eyebrow at you and you laughed softly “same red teary eyes, sniffing as someone takes care of you, it's actually adorable”

“You think I'm adorable?!”

“Adorable isn't exactly what you are Joel…” you said letting your eyes wandering all over him and having your ex-husband to smirk at you

“Yeah? You think I'm attractive?”

“You know you are attractive, Joel, now shut up and eat” you frowned softly and had dinner with him; it was a pleasant moment, spending some time together, without any talks about the divorce or the past, just two old acquaintances who perhaps had some kind of feelings for each other and shared a meal together. There weren't accusations, apologies or tears, just mundane, regular conversations and laughter. It was nice to have that moment with Joel, as you both progressed in a conversation about your lives and how things had changed over the years, truly catching up instead of arguing. When the subjected revolved around Sarah again, your ex-husband couldn't contain his curiosity anymore:

“You never wanted kids, darling?”

You looked down at your empty plate, a glimmer of sadness crossing your eyes as you shook your head and stared at him

“Not after you, Joel… I used to want a kid, before, when we were together, but not anymore. I feel it's too late for me now, even if I'm still young, it just feels impossible, you know?”

Joel's hand rested on top of yours, he caressed it very gently and looked at you. He sighed knowing exactly what you meant, knowing you actually meant having a baby together and of course he blew it once more. He couldn't even describe the remorse he felt, even if you had spent the past half an hour having a rare moment of bliss tougher, he knew he would never be able to erase what had happened between the two of you. He wished he had a chance to do so, but deep inside, even if he did, he knew the damage had been done.

“It's alright, Joel…” you said shyly and got up as you picked the plates and piled them in the sink, he immediately walked to you,

“Let me handle the dishes, it's the least I can do, you know… after you took care of my daughter and cooked for us. I'm sure Sarah loved it, we aren't used to having homemade food” he chuckled as you nodded

“Yeah, I figured, that's why I decided to make something else…” you said as you walked to the oven and opened it, showing Joel the freshly baked batch of chocolate chips cookies. He widened his eyes like a child and smiled big.

“This is your favorite, I figured it was Sarah's as well” you said sweetly and got the tray out of the oven, although you mumbled something a couple of times, Joel hadn't replied to you, as he kept washing the plates without interruption. You didn't get why he ignored your question, it made no sense; just a few minutes ago you were both having a nice, sweet time together and suddenly he wasn't going to say anything? That was odd. You placed the cookies on the balcony and called him again, to which you got no reply so you just shook his arm a little calling him again.

He turned around and watched you

“What is it?” He asked with a sweet smile, making you even more confused

“I called you a couple of times and you didn't say anything… is everything alright with you?” And at that question his face fell and it was impossible for Joel to hide his sadness. He licked his lips and nodded

“Yeah… it's just that… I'm kinda deaf in my right ear” he blushed and looked down in shame “I had a work accident some years ago and something blew up when I stood too close to it and well…” he shrugged and you felt your heart sink. Your poor Joel, always such a hardworking man, despite everything between you both, you never wanted him to be that injured. It saddened you to see how ashamed he seemed of it, even if he had no reason to be ashamed of it at all, and suddenly it made all sense to you why he was always subtly tilting his head to the left or standing towards that direction when he talked to you.

“I can hear it just fine, got used to it by now, but if you mumble something on my right it's kinda hard to me” the simple and even innocent way he said that made you so sympathetic of him, but it was way more than just that. It made you want to hold him, to assure him it was fine and he was still nothing but perfect no matter what had happened.

“Oh Joel…” you whispered and held his head in both of your hands, gently, your fingers brushing against his thick beard as you got closer and rested your forehead against his “I'm so sorry honey” you whispered again and closed your eyes. He was determined to respect you and not get handsy with you, but the moment he saw you pulling him closer, he couldn't help doing the same; gripping your waist with large hands, just like he used to, exactly where they fit so well, he brought your bodies close together.

“Don't go, please… stay” he whispered back, his lips were almost on yours, everything felt so right at that moment even if it was wrong. You hated how it felt like playing with fire: it seemed beautiful and appealing but you would get burned no matter what.

“I'm sorry, you know I can't” you said, moving your lips just an inch further and connecting with his, earning a hungry kiss.

For someone who desperately wanted to keep away from their ex-husband, you were certainly doing a shitty job. He needed you as much as you needed him, you both wanted each other, but you broke the kiss. It couldn't happen, your relationship was as complicated as it was and you didn't want to deal with that responsibility later. His heavy breathing lingered on your skin, at the same time he placed a soft peck on your neck, knowing all your sweet spots, that devilish man Joel Miller was.

“You know you can call me, right? Anything you need, anything at all, just call me and I'll come running to you, darling, don't forget that” he whispered into your ear and more than a seducing invitation, it was a plea, from a hopelessly man in love who didn't know what to do to prove his worth.

•••

Joel's offer to call him whenever you needed was so tempting, because you didn't actually need to call him, but you wanted to. It made no sense, you were the one who wanted to keep your distance from him, but due to the latest events you found yourself wanting to see Joel each time more, just the thought of his presence brought you an excitement you tried not reading too much into it; you didn't want to admit you were crushing on your ex-husband, but then, how could you call the fact your heart raced when you saw him? How you blushed and felt sparkles whenever you touched him briefly - accidentally or not? It was tricky, it was a mess but it seemed Joel made you lose that filter that always kept you emotionally distant from everyone. After learning Sarah was alright, you felt relieved for her, and when she stopped by your home and thanked you for taking care of her, you felt that familiar warmth in your heart. It seemed the more your rational part fought for you to stay away, that you had been severely hurt by Joel and you couldn't afford giving him a chance to do the same for the second time, but your irrational side? The one driven by your feelings and desires?! That one only made you dive deeper into the Millers household. Your feelings for Sarah just grew, you were attached to her and she was attached to you, she found in you the female influence it lacked for years and she represented something you never had but wished you could. And her dad was something else… ever since that evening you spent together, having dinner, chatting and enjoying each other's company, Joel had told you you could call him anytime for any reason. It didn't matter if you wanted to talk, hang out or have him fix something at your place, he was at your will.

And then you weren't certain if your faucet was really leaking, or if your door was actually warped or if all of that had to do with the fact you were looking for an excuse to call Joel and see him. You didn't want to hire him and you didn't want to discuss feelings, talk about the past or hear all sorts of apologies, you wanted to have a nice, pleasant moment with him, just like you had the last time. It felt so familiar and yet so new; it was about the two of you being acquaintances but at the same time meeting each other, your older, more mature versions finally getting together and hitting off. That was the kind of interaction you wanted from Joel.

You just didn't know exactly how to initiate it, not without giving him any kind of hope or leading him into it.

So you decided to focus on work, like you'd been doing for over a decade. You liked your job, it was stressful as any other job in the world and the money was great. However, you had got so comfortable and used to working from home, the days you were forced to actually go to the office felt excruciating, but it was part of the deal and you had to do it. So you got up, got ready - not without texting Sarah to let her know you wouldn't be home that day - and went to do your business. It was also when you noticed something was wrong. You didn't know the car that was parked across the street, it was a little odd, as you got used to all your neighbors and it was such a calm neighborhood you simply noticed when there was someone from outside. Still, you shrugged and got into your own car, driving to work.

On your way back, all you wanted was a cool shower and some relaxing hours scattered on the couch, but you tensed up a bit when you spotted the same car you did in the morning still there. It had nothing indicating trouble, and yet, you had a gut feeling telling you it simply wasn't right, however, there was nothing you could really do about it. You thought of calling Joel, but you didn't want to risk sounding paranoid and overall crazy. What could you tell him?! That there was a car parked across the street?!

You groaned when you checked your email and saw you would have to attend a meeting at work in person the next day. You were so sure you'd solved everything up, so why would you have to go? It was probably one of those meetings that could be just a work email and it annoyed you to no end, but still, you had no other option other than attending so the next morning you were there, getting ready when you spotted the same car. You had no idea if it had spent the whole night there or if it had gotten there before you woke up, nonetheless, you were taken by the same feeling you did the day before, no matter if they were irrational or not, it was just overwhelming. After another day at work, you returned home and sighed relieved to see the car wasn't there. Maybe it had been just a paranoid episode, perhaps you were just reading too much into things and all the stress from work combined with your situation with Joel made you lose your grip on reality a little bit.

The fact was that after doing your regular house things, you decided to take a relaxing bath and sink yourself into your tub. Selecting the perfect bath bomb and adjusting the temperature, you got inside, groaning at how the warm water made your tense muscles relax and you could feel the knots undoing themselves; as you closed your eyes and relaxed, there was nothing clouding up your mind but Joel.

His handsome face, his smile, his curly graying hair. He was your Joel, but older, mode handsome, if that was even a thing, because Joel was definitely the most handsome man you'd ever met. You couldn't help yourself but picture him wrapping his strong arms around your body, perhaps a relaxing bath with Joel would feel so good, you wouldn't be able to to turn it down. Just to imagine his naked body holding yours was enough to spike so many things all over you. You didn't know if you'd ended up dozing off in the tub, but it was hard to say if any time had passed or not the moment you heard some noises around your house. You couldn't remember if you'd forgotten your TV on or something like that, you were sure you hadn't turned on the radio, but it was enough to feel goosebumps all over your skin. You left the tub, drying yourself as quick as possible and wrapping a bathrobe around your body, exiting the room as silently as you could, hearing whispering and steps all over the lower floor. You went to your room and looked outside the window, your heart racing the moment you spotted the same car you'd seen before. You didn't know what to do, you could feel the suffocating wave of anxiety taking over completely. You could hear their voices, because apparently there was more than one guy. They were robbing your home, but what would happen if they reached you? You immediately locked your bedroom door, so relieved to see your phone was thrown onto the bed. Grabbing it, you dialed the number you'd never forgotten.

•••

“Come on, darling, open up” Joel's voice was the first thing you registered after you made the call, hugged yourself against a corner of your room and closed your eyes. You had heard footsteps climbing the stairs and how the thieves banged on your door, but you remained as quiet as you could. Just praying someone would show up to save you. You'd called Joel and he called the cops on his way over, he had dropped everything he was doing when he heard the raw fear in your voice. It was horrible you had your home broken into, but it made it even worse to think of what two criminals could do with such a beautiful woman like yourself. So he grabbed Tommy and they both rushed towards your place. Arriving there almost at the same time as the cops did, finding your front door busted open and a lot of valuable things such as your TV and your laptop gone. He had a baseball bat in hands, ready to attack whoever threatened your physical integrity and when he got questioning looks from the cop, he cleared his throat and explained he was your ex-husband - and friend.

“Is that really you, Joel?” You asked in a little more than a whisper, so glad to know he was there. You walked to the door and unlocked it, seeing Joel's worried eyes scanning you to make sure you were unharmed. Only then, you realized you hadn't gotten dressed, still wrapped in your bathrobe, but it didn't matter, all you could think of was looking for shelter into his strong, safe arms, sinking your face into his chest at the same time Joel caressed your back up and down, his lips planted a kiss on top of your head and another one on your forehead, wanting to soothe you and show you how safe you were from now on. He was there for you, it wouldn't absolve him from what he'd done in the past, but that didn't even matter to you or Joel, the important thing was that he was there, he came as fast as he could only for you and he would do it a thousand times more if necessary; you both knew that.

“I got you, baby girl, I got you” Joel cooed at you, tightening the hug around your body and keeping you closer. And you had missed that embrace, you just belonged in it, and you never wanted to let go.

Joel held you through the whole process of talking to the cops, informing them about the strange car that was seen around your home and also listing every item they stole: your TV, an iPad, your laptop and your car. Even if you were safe among them, you couldn't help but feel that nervous, anxious feeling at the very possibility of being alone at home once more. Nothing happened in the end, but it could have happened, and though it sucked to have been robbed of so much valuable stuff, you weren't harmed, and that was what mattered the most to you and above all, Joel.

As the cops talked to Joel and assured they'd get in touch if any of it was found, he walked them to the door and turned back to you, finding you all shy and scared, hugging yourself and looking at him with sad eyes. You didn't want to be alone and you didn't want to have to ask him for company, you didn't want to sound whiny or pathetic, especially not after it was just a break-in without any physical damage.

“Come on, pack your bags and I'll take you home with me” Joel's voice broke the silence and made you stare at him surprised “it can be for a few days, but if you aren't comfortable with that, then let me take you at least for the night, I ain't leaving you alone. Sarah's out at her friends in a slumber party or something, you can take her bed, or mine and I'll sleep on the couch, it doesn't matter, just come…” he extended his hand to you, which you gladly took it, and made his way upstairs, waiting patiently as you grabbed a backpack and shoved a few clothes and accessories you would need. You couldn't even describe how you felt at Joel's kindness. You were so comforted, so glad to see you weren't alone and that he was willing to take care and protect you. It didn't take very long to get your backpack ready, wrapping your arms around his neck in another tight hug, thanking him for being so gentle and earning only reassuring and affectionate words.

Once you got to the truck, you were welcomed by a whiff of his familiar scent, it smelled like Joel, your Joel and your heart warmed. He glanced at you while he drove, still seeing the tension all over you and his hand rested on your knee “you must be hungry…”

“I am” you said, a little anxious and watched as he turned the wheel and changed streets. Even before getting to the address, you already knew where Joel was taking you: your favorite Taco place. You chuckled as you remembered that was your favorite date spot when you were painfully young; when life seemed so promising and Joel Miller was the man who made you stutter and sweat through your hands. Whenever he glanced towards you, your cheeks would heat up and you would feel like bursting into flames. And after you both got married, when things were still good, that was the place where he would stop by eventually, pick up some takeout and take home, as a way of spoiling and thanking you for taking care of him. As he parked, he smiled and cleared his throat.

“You know, this is our spot, I never brought any girl here, with the exception of Sarah, of course, but much to my disappointment, she isn't really into tacos, which makes it exclusively our thing” he winked at you and you nodded, a small, petty side of you felt thankful for the confirmation of Angela never been there with Joel. It was just a taco shop and yet, it was still one thing that it was so yours and Joel's and she hadn't ruined it with her touch. You felt even hungrier at that moment, relaxing to know you could have a peaceful dinner with your good memories and the man who somehow still managed to make you blush, stammer a little and sweat through your hands.

As you both munched on the food sitting down in the back of his truck, just like you did every Friday night more than a decade ago, you chuckled at how things change but somehow remain the same. He tilted his head to the side, wiping a little bit of sauce you had over your cheek, exactly like when you both were younger.

“I know this probably tastes like shit, compared to the food you've had over the years when you traveled all over the world, you know Sarah told me all about it because she really admires you an-”

You took his hand and squeezed it, then placed your hand on his chin making him look into your eyes.

“Joel… this is the best taco I've ever had, the most delicious takeout I've ever tried because you are here with me..” she whispered and smiled, seeing how his face lit up. Neither of you said it, but you were finally having that date he asked you out several months ago, when destiny decided to put the two of you together. As he saw you shivering in the cold wind, he did the honorable thing and took off his jacket, placing it over your shoulder and rubbing both of your arms. You thanked him and looked all over his truck

“We spent quite a while in here…” you shrugged “and to think I lost my virginity here… you've always been a real gentleman” you scoffed and rolled your eyes. Joel laughed and sighed

“Yeah, well, I've come along nicely, give me a chance and I'll show you” he winked, flirting a little as you shook your head in disbelief.

“Are you serious?! Fuck off, Joel Miller! No guy will ever fuck me in the back of a truck, and especially not you!” You slapped his arm playfully, hugging it and resting your chin on his shoulder, feeling the wind against your face and looking up at him.

“Joel? Can you do us both a favor?” He nodded at you wanting to hear whatever question you had to ask him “please don't let Sarah marry the first asshole she falls in love with”

“I'm on it” he replied, laughing softly and pulling you closer. Closer than you'd ever been to him, he just wished that night wouldn't end too soon.

•••

Lying in Sarah's bed was odd, to say the least; especially when Joel's room was just there, a hallway distant from you. After the moment - better saying, the moments you both had shared in the past few days and even more so that night, you felt things would escalate to another level, a level in which it didn't matter to you if it was right or wrong, It was just bound to happen. But once you got to his home, he showed you his daughter's room, the bathroom, and asked if you needed anything else and simply let you be. Which was what you wanted, it was what you had asked him to do the last time you'd shared a kiss, but at the same time you felt disappointed because you wanted more of him, more of your Joel. The sweet moments you'd spent together were weighing so heavily in your heart, and even if you hadn't forgotten about what happened, the new proximity brought a new light in your relationship with Joel; it felt nice and different, a good different and as much as you closed your eyes and tried falling asleep, you were simply taken back to the moment he held you, soothed you, caressed your skin and assured you everything was alright. Tossing and turning in bed while you wished you were somewhere else instead, anywhere really, as long as he was just next to you. At first, when the gentle strumming from the guitar got to your ears, you imagined you had dozed off for a few minutes, perhaps you had even started to dream, but when your eyes were wide open and the beautiful, familiar sound wouldn't cease, you knew that only meant one thing: Joel was playing the guitar.

It couldn't come from his bedroom, the sound was too far to be coming from there, so you knew you would have to get up and explore. Suddenly, you felt a wave of excitement. Not only did you love watching Joel play the guitar, but now you had a pretty decent and reasonable excuse to go after him. You didn't want to make things weird and be that kind of person to leave the other confused, with your dubious signs, but you were just following your heart at that moment.

You tiptoed through his house, doing your best to move in the dark, as you didn't want to startle Joel or make him think you wanted the music to stop. And then your heart skipped a beat when you looked through the window and saw him playing the guitar on his porch. The cold wind that bothered you when you both were out eating tacos seemed to have stopped, and just then you realized it was indeed warm inside the house. He was so relaxed, strumming his guitar and humming a song softly, you've always loved his singing voice, even if he was a little shy about it, you could sit down and watch him play and sing for hours. You opened the door quietly and rested against the doorframe, admiring it quietly the way he looked focused at his guitar. He played calmly and it was the most beautiful sight you could ever think of. You wouldn't be able to tell exactly how long you stood there, but when Joel looked up at you, you were already walking towards him.

“That was beautiful, Joel…”

“Just like you are, darlin'”

You both knew exactly what you wanted at that moment, how you took another step closer, one after the other and you suddenly were hovering over him. Joel placed his guitar down, he wasn't going to be able to hold himself back, not at that moment. In one single motion, he pulled you to him by the hips, a tight grasp around your body and kissing you deeply. You straddled Joel, your hands making their familiar way towards his curls, loving how they always felt under your touch. Unlike the other times you'd kissed, you knew you would both go all the way down, you wanted it, craved it and even if you knew what to do and where to touch, it also felt new, you were both were the same young couple who'd been so in love, newly married and full of hopes and dreams, but you were also a couple who'd lived separately for more than a decade, you had both experienced heartbreaks, passions, you'd tried and touched other people, but eventually, just like home, it you were drawn to each other. There was no way out. When you were shamelessly humping and groaning on top of him, Joel knew it was time to take things inside, to hell with his neighbors, he didn't care if any of them witnessed it, if anything, he wanted people to see what a lucky bastard he was to have you in his arms, that he was going to take you and make you his at least once more. So he got up, lifting you up easily, so easily, and took you inside, climbing stairs with you in his arms, he longed for you, he was hungry for your body, your taste, your touch. He needed you and Joel Miller was about to take it all. He placed you over his mattress and got rid of his shirt - his dark blue one, that looked so good on him - and let your hands wander his body. He didn't take long to undress you, nibbling your thighs in the process, he knew your body like the palm of his hand, with the exception the last time he'd visited it, his palm wasn't as calloused as it was now, just as you weren't so painfully hot as you were at that moment. You'd always been gorgeous, but at that moment, naked in his bed, it was the most beautiful and erotic thing he'd ever seen and yet he wanted it to make it forever. As he got inside of you, he didn't know how long it would last, how long you both would last, you were being way nicer and more compassionate than he would ever deserve it, but at the same time, something within said you shared the same feelings for each other.

Once you both reached your bliss, love bites, kissings, caresses and so much affection between you both, you relaxed into his arms, your head resting comfortably in his chest, and you felt at home. You still didn't know what the next day would bring you both. Perhaps you would stay together, or you would part ways for good, there was still so much to be done, to spoken, you would have to handle the fact and the consequences of not using protection with Joel, maybe that was a good reason to worry about , or not, you didn't want to think of it, just as you didn't want to think of how you both could ever explain to Sarah what happened, or how Joel would explain Tommy and you would explain your family how you got together, maybe even one day Angela could return, you'd learned the hard way life wasn't a bed of roses and you feared that if you agreed to be happy with Joel once more you would get hurt, one way or another, but all that wasn't important, not at that moment. All it mattered was you and your Joel in bed, snuggled up and worrying about nothing but each other. He nuzzled your neck, making you giggle and in return you pecked his lips once more. He wanted to say those three little words, but decided not to, not yet, instead, he wanted to show you it, now he'd had a taste of you, and he vowed himself to make you happy for the rest of his life.

He knew he had broken your heart, it was the worst thing Joel Miller had ever done, but he was going to win you back, because he wasn't going to give up happiness with you, not again.

____

A/N: besties, how did I do? Did you like it? I hope you did! I honestly had planned on writing a sad ending, I was going to make reader move on from Joel once for all, but then, is it even possible to get over him? It's impossible not to fall for him and give him a second chance. A third part is possible but I have no idea when, and feedback is always welcome my lovelies ❤️💕

[haza8877]

A brief overview of your love path in 2024

Hello everyone, these days I've been quite busy, and now I'm back. I've been thinking a lot about topics for readings. And then, I thought I would do a short love reading first. So, I decided to do this reading, hope you all will like it. Consider this reading as entertainment and don't take it too seriously. I wish you all enjoy it.

Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3

Pile 1

(the star, 8 of pen, knight of wands, 3 of swords, ace of pen, ace of wands, oracle cards - house 8, house 11)

I sense that you are putting a lot of focus on your work. You are enthusiastic and hopeful about a bright future, and what I perceive is that you are dedicating much time and attention to a specific job, project, or idea that you are currently involved in. Mainly, I see that you are concentrating on work, a project, or a particular idea rather than romantic relationships. However, I can see that this year, you will encounter a person who is younger, or regardless of their age, they radiate youthful, dynamic energy. They are proactive, creative, full of ideas, and carry the energy of a Fire sign. They're pretty hot, haha. But please consider carefully, as when you come together with them, there will be a lot of attraction and passion between you (both physically and emotionally). However, they may trigger some of your deep-seated wounds, the ones you have long forgotten or buried. When this person appears, these wounds may resurface. Perhaps the universe has arranged for both of you to meet so that you have to deal with these wounds that cannot be avoided. It seems to be challenging, but facing and overcoming these wounds is inevitable sooner or later. You should understand that confronting these wounds is the key to moving forward into a new chapter of life. The universe often reserves rewards for courageous warriors. I sense that the relationship between you and this person will be intense, full of various emotions. They will help you discover new aspects that you might not have thought about. I am not sure where this relationship will lead, but it will undoubtedly transform many things, and perhaps it will upgrade you into a new version, expanding your relationships and connections with different communities. It will be fascinating.

Pile 2

(the tower, the star, ace of swords, 3 of pen, 5 of wands, knight of pen, oracle cards - yin)

I feel like those in pile 2 have gone through an extremely challenging period, where everything came suddenly and turned your life upside down. Currently, I sense that you are doing better and full of hope for this year, perhaps seeing it as a year to start anew. I feel that those of you in this pile need to clarify your desires more; if you are in a relationship, be candid about what you want from the other person, your thoughts about them, your emotions, etc. If you are still single, be honest with yourself about what you truly need in a person. Like, ask yourself how you want to accompany someone? What will you learn from them? Are you ready to accept risks, competition when being with them or not? Moreover, with the oracle card, I feel you should enhance your feminine energy, which is not related to your biological gender. Regardless of your gender, inside you always have both masculine and feminine energy. Connect with your inner world, with your intuition, and trust it. You can spend time walking in nature, if you live in urban areas with few trees, you can do activities like painting, knitting, playing with pets, meditation, planting a small pot of plants, or having an evening tea and reading a book. There are many ways to enhance your feminine side. In general, create a clear and authentic model for yourself. After you know what kind of partner you want, someone will enter your life. They might be someone who knows what they want, with certainty and caution, someone patient and devoted, exuding the energy of an Earth sign.

Pile 3

(page of pentacles, 9 of swords, 6 of wands, page of cups, the fool, the devil, oracle cards - scorpio)

I sense that the energy of those in pile 3 is quite exhausted; you may be facing some psychological or health issues, experiencing headaches, insomnia, stress, etc. I feel that you are practical individuals, always contemplating before deciding anything, seeking safety and certainty. However, I also sense that you are still inexperienced, somewhat naive, so sometimes you place your trust in the wrong places or make choices that don't lead to the expected results. But what I sense about the energy of love for you in 2024 is 'freedom,' yeah, a fresh energy, like a rebirth, gentle, uplifting, and free. I'm not sure if you will meet someone this year or not, but I think the core energy of your love is freedom, exploring yourselves. After heavy days burdened by pressure, suppressed emotions, I see that you will want to experience fun dates, not too serious in terms of commitment, just looking for new experiences. Perhaps you want to travel somewhere, where these journeys help you understand yourself better. You may also feel a desire to be more creative. Well, it sounds like you will be dating yourself this year, hahaha. Maybe among you, some will date someone, they may be younger than you or around your age. They are emotional, vibrant, carefree, and enjoy experiencing things. They may have the soul of an artist. If you and they progress in the relationship, there will be a lot of physical passion, intense emotional relationships. They bring a different energy than what you have thought, opening up new experiences for you, and you will be carefree and free like a child. However, since the reading doesn't clarify whether this relationship has a long-term commitment or not, let everything flow naturally and don't expect too much. Whether you meet someone this year or not, I sense that when you overcome the psychological difficulties, liberate yourself, 2024 will show you how beautiful and free your soul is. Explore yourself; you can be cautious, but don't worry too much about new things. Listen to the emotions from your heart, let your soul be like clouds, and you will see the vast sky.

Thank you all for watching my reading; I hope you enjoyed it. I also apologize for not being able to answer all the questions in the previous mini tarot game section, but rest assured, I will answer all of you remaining. Thank you for your support.😘💖💖💐💐🌸🌸 

[ezdotjpg]

ok but know I need you to Tell Me Things about the Zeldas. all of them. I am literally*bouncing*.

(I love how both your TP Link and Zelda have RBF. they have truly Had It)

HEHE sorry i held onto this ask until I had all the Zelda designs posted, and then I,,,forgot to do that lol.

some Bonus Zelda thoughts! some of this i've maybe said before idk:

ALTTP Zelda

her armor is more ceremonial than practical. While I didn't give this to every Queen Zelda, I liked the idea of the princess's pauldrons progressing to more plate armor in the queen's dress. That's also why I changed her color scheme to blue to differentiate from the princess' pink (exceptions for this being HW Zelda who wears red as queen, ST Zelda who still wears pink as queen and BOTW Zelda who wore blue as princess)

anyway. she's more of a scholar than a warrior but she still has killer aim with a bow

her pet project has been recovering, restoring, and filling in the gaps of the royal library and archive. Mage helps her out with this as he has a knack for stumbling upon forgotten ancient texts in his travels

A lot of ppl assume she's rather prim or austere but she's actually got a lot of whimsy and humor in her. It's why she and Mage get along so well :D

She lets Mage get away with a lot of shenanigans and keeps the royal guard from arresting his ass all the time

if mage is ur weird uncle she's like. ur cool aunt

Tetra

she's still sailing the seas with her crew!

she and Wake have had a bit of a falling out though, partially over disagreements about searching for New Hyrule, and have gone their separate ways for now. There's not any real animosity between them, just like,,,frustration. They'd still do anything for each other.

She's got 2 pistols and a cutlass and she knows how to use them

She could bench press Wake. easily.

She's brash and commands a lot of respect but she's also a lot of fun to be around. She's brutally honest and says what's on her mind.

I think she still feels a lot of confusion and frustration about the revelations about her lineage and the role King Daphnes seemed to force on her because of it. She doesn't want much to do with what the divine. She values the freedom sailing on the sea gives her.

TP Zelda

she's. so tired. a lot of the responsibility of rebuilding the kingdom has fallen squarely on her shoulders. She's holding shit together by a thread but by god is she holding it together.

Looks pretty cold and unapproachable but she has a kind heart. She cares deeply for the people of her kingdom. She would sacrifice a lot for them and already has.

Never relaxes. Works like 24/7. get this girl a hobby

Midzel canon. Midna also had a thing with Link but it wasn't a polycule more of a this is my girlfriend Midna and this is Midna's boyfriend Link kind of a situation. Anyway she misses Midna.

Wolf and Zelda are like. coworkers. They haven't really gotten any closer in the aftermath of everything. Wolf wants nothing to do with playing the role of the hero in a political sense like Zelda keeps asking him to. I don't think Zelda necessarily blames him for escaping that responsibility, but she Is frustrated she doesn't have that luxury.

MC Zelda

a little cutie!! very bubbly and extroverted and curious about the world. She spends a lot of time outside of the castle running around with Mini. The King is so glad she's safe after everything he still just lets her do whatever she wants lol

She used to be the one dragging Mini into shenanigans all the time but he's gained a lot of confidence over his quest and is less timid now. now they are equally engaging in shenanigans

Hangs out with Malon too!! The three of them are besties

I like to think she can also still see the minish even if she can't shrink down to their size. she thinks they're so cute. Maybe mini gives her a jabbernut so she can speak to them too :-)

She helps Mini build his fucked up little trash robots. She also pretties them up with paint

scolded by castle staff frequently for getting grass stains and dirt on her nice clothes lol. She probably isn't usually running around in her full princess garb though.

Like Mini, has mostly refused to process most of what happened to her and is just trying to enjoy life.

Prince Zel

I went back and forth about whether or not I wanted to go with naming him Sheik or not. I decided against it since this is the version of him that never had to become Sheik. He keeps Zelda as a legacy name and shortens it to Zel most of the time.

Pretty lonely in the castle without many friends his age. He desperately wants to be better friends with Mask but is mostly rebuffed.

Even though he doesn't have to become Sheik in this timeline, I think he has begun training with Impa. Just under a lot less duress

Still occasionally has prophetic visions but has become somewhat hesitant about sharing them. I think he understands a little more of what went on in other timelines than he lets on, but he doesn't know or put together all of it.

Often described as odd or intense or standoffish by ppl who meet him but he can be really chatty and lively under the right circumstances

HW Zelda

Her armor is also mostly ceremonial, even though she's definitely more of a warrior queen. She and War are both dressed to project 'peace time' and 'prosperity'. She has other sets of armor that are more suited for combat.

She and War are a lot alike, calculating and cunning, which is why they understand each other. It's also why they're often at each other's throats. They're not really above backstabbing each other, though has Queen she has a lot more leverage.

She's not exactly warm or particularly kind, but she does care about the safety of the Kingdom.

Also never relaxes and works like 24/7

Constantly dealing with a tense, power-hungry and antagonistic court looking to undermine her authority. She has her own private ambitions she's working towards.

ALBW Zelda

She's a really charming and fun person! very down to earth as Queen and a lot more willing to eschew tradition.

She comes across as carefree but she's been ruling Hyrule by herself since she was young and has been subject to a lot of pressure. She had to grow up pretty fast and is wiser than she seems at first glance. She has her court and the people's respect.

She and Mirror share an interest in fashion and the arts. They're,,, they're both theatre kids.

I don't have a lot of other headcanons abt her yet sorry but. i love her

ST Zelda

Has been crowned Queen at the ripe old age of 16 because the last time they appointed a chancellor he turned out to be a demon who stole her body. so

She does not feel ready to be Queen at all but she's doing her best. She's determined not to let anybody push her around again.

She's taken an interest in learning how to fight after the events of spirit tracks. She never wants to feel as helpless as she did then, trapped as a ghost outside her body. Also she really enjoyed hitting things with a giant sword in her big phantom armor. She's become a much better swordsman than Spirit ever was lol

She specifically requested her own suit of armor to mimic the phantom armor

she's pretty protective of Spirit

BOTW Zelda

I think she was conscious for all 103 of those years fighting ganon, even if it seems somewhat blurry and surreal to her now. She remembers it in fits and bursts. She often feels disconnected from her body.

She has no interest in reviving the monarchy or ruling over Hyrule again. However she does have an interest in rebuilding Hylian towns and helping all of Hyrule recover. She still feels like it's her responsibility, not because of her role as princess, but because of what she perceives as her own failure to avert tragedy.

she doesn't just blame herself though- she blames the gods and her father too.

Right now though she's mostly taking a break to get her bearings and recover from 103 years of endless fighting. She and Slate travelled around Hyrule for a while at first, and now she's settled in Hateno trying to figure out how to be normal again. Some rebuilding efforts have already started spearheaded by Hudson and she helps out with those.

SKSW Zelda

honestly not even she is sure what parts of her are herself and what parts are hylia. it's as disconcerting for her as it is for Loft. She's both frustrated that he looks at her differently now and understands completely why he does. She still wishes he wouldn't.

she remembers more about being the goddess than she necessarily lets on

she's really invested in the settlement on the surface and is basically its unofficial leader. she puts a lot of time and effort into making sure everything is going according to plan and that they have everything they need to keep living on the surface

she's protective of Loft and worries a lot for him. She blames herself for a lot of what he struggles with now and wants to make it better.

she's not the fun police though, she likes a death-defying loftwing stunt as much as the next person

she did become a knight after the events of skyward sword! They don't really wear the uniforms down on the surface much anymore though and it's become less of a formal order while everyone focuses on building and improving the village.

She's been working on her swordsmanship

I think she really loves music and singing

[howlingday]

Oscar Pine's Existentialism

Oscar: ...

Oscar: Why am I here? Why does it have to be me?

Oscar: Is there any other way life can go?

--------------------------------------

Ruby: So then I told her, I may be out of dust, but I'm not out of options!

Jaune: Haha! No way!

Yang: It's true.

Oscar: ...

Jaune: Hey, Oscar? You okay?

Oscar: ...I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

Jaune: ...Okay then.

Oscar: (Thinking) Why can't I relate to them? Is there something wrong with me? Or maybe... I just can't relate because we don't have anything in common. Would I even be here if they didn't drag me out here?.

--------------------------------------

Oscar: Another day, another step closer to fighting Salem. What's the point, though? She's so powerful, and I... I don't even know how to begin to use magic.

Oscar: And even if we do win, what then? Will the Brothers even come back, or have they forgotten us? And we're still here. Alone.

Oscar: Like always. And even if I do end up becoming a huntsman, or get married, or go back to being a farmer, I'm still gonna be dead in the end. Why should I even bother with anything? It'll all be gone in a hundred years.

--------------------------------------

Nora: Hey, Oscar~! Did you get those seeds planted?

Oscar: Huh? Oh, uh, no, I didn't.

Nora: Why not? Didn't you say this was perfect weather to do some gardening?

Oscar: Well, yeah, but, uh... I don't know. I just didn't feel like gardening today.

Nora: I thought you loved gardening.

Oscar: ...I thought I did, too.

--------------------------------------

Oscar: Hey, uh, Blake?

Blake: Hm?

Oscar: You ever... I dunno, feel bad about not doing something?

Blake: Sometimes, but I just do what I can to make up for it now.

Oscar: Well, what if you can't? What if no matter what you do, you'll never be able to make up for not doing something?

Blake: ...

Oscar: N-Nevermind. Uh, enjoy your book. I'm just gonna... I'm gonna go to bed.

Blake: At four in the afternoon?

Oscar: Ha ha, yeah, you know, early to bed, early to rise?

Blake: Hm...

--------------------------------------

Oscar: (In bed)

Oscar: (Sniffles)

Oscar: (Sobbing)

Oscar: Why am I still here?

Oscar: What am I supposed to do?

Oscar: Where am I supposed to go?

--------------------------------------

Oscar: ...

Weiss: Oscar?

Oscar: Huh, what?

Weiss: You were staring over the edge for a long time. Is... Is everything okay?

Oscar: ...I'm fine. (Walks away)

Weiss: Okay?

Weiss: (Pulls out scroll)

--------------------------------------

Oscar: (Sees everyone happy, Sighs)

Emerald: This seat taken?

Oscar: Huh? Oh, uh, no. You're good.

Emerald: Well, I am now. (Smiles)

Oscar: (Weakly chuckles)

Emerald: ...So, what are you thinking about?

Oscar: ...Nothing?

Emerald: ...Alright.

Oscar: ...

Emerald: ...They look pretty happy over there.

Oscar: Uh-huh.

Emerald: Almost like they got everything all figured out.

Oscar: Yeah.

Emerald: Not a care in the world, huh?

Oscar: (Sighs) No.

Emerald: Why don't you go join them?

Oscar: Should I? I mean, what would we even talk about? They're all huntsmen and huntresses, and I'm... Well, I'm not. When we got to Atlas, I turned the same age Ruby was when she first showed up to Beacon. And now I'm here, years later, and I... I don't have anything to show for it.

Emerald: I hear ya. It sucks not being able to relate to everybody else.

Oscar: Especially when they've already done so much to save the world. And then... Then there's me.

Emerald: What about you?

Oscar: ...I'm nothing, Emerald. And pretty soon I'll be less than nothing. Just a thought in Ozma's head. I'm on a timer, and I never realized how much I already wasted my life. Meanwhile, everyone else is getting along just fine, making a difference, saving the world, and I don't have anything to show for what I've done.

Oscar: I'm... I'm nothing.

Emerald: Damn, when you put it like that, you're right.

Emerald: We are nothing.

Oscar: Huh?

Emerald: I've only got a couple decades left to live, and I already wasted my life, y'know? Not only that, but I was actually helping destroy the world, too. But here I am anyways, hanging out with these people trying to save the world. Guess that makes me nothing, too, huh?

Oscar: What? No! That's-

Emerald: But if we're nothing together, then at least we're nothing together, right?

Oscar: ...No. No, we're not nothing. We're... We're something. And... I don't know what we'll be, but we can't be nothing forever, can we?

Emerald: I dunno about you, but I was a bad guy before all of this. Pretty sure if anybody knows about how things change, I'd say I've got some ideas.

Oscar: ...Thanks, Emerald.

Emerald: Anytime, Oscar. And really, I mean any time. I don't want to hear that you're saying and thinking stuff that's scaring all our friends. Better to hear it from you myself.

Oscar: Wait. Who told your what I was doing?

Emerald: Pretty much everybody. Jaune, Nora, Blake, Weiss. Especially Weiss. Pretty sure she was about to cry when she told me, and I can't say I blame her.

Oscar: Oh...

Emerald: Yeah, you really scared her, so you should probably make it up to her.

Oscar: Yeah, I... I should, huh?

Emerald: I heard through the grapevine that she likes flowers. Too bad there's no way to grow our own flowers out here, right?

Oscar: (Smiling) Actually, there is something we could do.

[randomisedmongoose]

I've been thinking about parents and kids in Disco Elysium.

Fathers first: who actually has a present, positive father figure?

Kim never knew his, and says that he thinks his father wasn't that great of a person anyway. Harry doesn't remember his, and doing the fascist route and talking with Measurehead indicate that he wasn't around, if not actually abusive. Little Lily's dad killed himself, and wasn't that much of a help before that anyway. Judit's husband is, according to her, half a husband and probably not that good of a dad. Acele's dad was a drug lord and "a bad man". The paledriver says she "never had a father" - she might have forgotten him, though. But the father she remembers definitely isn't hers. Plaisance's husband, Annette’s dad, is distant and quite possibly emotionally abusive. Cuno's dad is... uh. Yeah. No. Abusive and pretty much gone. Easy Leo and his mum had to move from Iraesh because his da was too violent. Billie's husband Victor doesn't seem to be that good of a father to their kids, even if she clearly loves him and will miss him awfully. The racist lorry driver has three kids. Wonder how good of a dad he is (my money is on not that great). Tommy Le Homme has children that he misses dearly, but he's still distant from them.

Fathers are distant or gone, and that’s almost universally seen as a good thing that they are, because when they're actually there they're awful. The only positive, present father figure we get on screen is Trant. He's supportive, interested in Mikael's hobbies, protective and inclusive. We get one possibly positive father figure story from Measurehead, but the man himself is described as the perfect pinnacle of masculinity, which in this setting probably isn't that good really, when not seen through his son's eyes.

Also, Harry's own relation to fatherhood. We don't know what happened when Dora got an abortion, if Harry wanted her to or not (and it doesn't matter really, it was her choice to make) but it does mean he's not a father now. And judging from what the game tells us about fathers and everything we know about him pre-game, this is probably a good thing.

Mothers, then? Much more present, and a bit more complex.

Kim doesn't remember his mother, either. Harry has a fond memory of his, being loved and cared for, but she's spoken of in the past tense. Lilienne does her best and seems to genuinely care for her children, but she works all the time to put food on the table. Joyce is a mother, how good she is is up for interpretation. In any case she's not present, but considering her age her daughters are probably adults. Billie clearly loves her girls and knows and supports what they do, she's present in their lives even though they're nearing adulthood. Judit is an overworked cop with a partner that doesn’t seem to contribute much – not the best of circumstances for a kid, but we have no idea who helps her and her situation outside work.

The only mother we get an explicitly bad picture of is Plaisance’s, Annette’s grandmother, and by extension, Plaisance herself (hello, generational cycle of abuse, we'll get back to you). There are two bad mothers that are more metaphorical: the Mother of Silence, aka. the 2 mm hole in reality, that will eat you whole and never spit you out, and Dolores Dei, who is described as Humanity's Young Mother – nurturing and abusive at the same time, granting humanity the complete world while murdering the parts of it that rejected her gifts.

So mums run the entire gamut from godly to shitty with every flavour of overworked from all social classes in between. Despite the caring mother figures, we're left with a complete picture of children as largely abandoned by their parents emotionally or practically, if not outright abused.

Distant and abusive parents tie very nicely into the theories of the Pale that says that it consists of recycled memories, and part of what makes the world stagnant. Everybody's stuck in a perpetual cycle of generational abuse with no way of getting out. It takes drastic action to change it, because you're not just working against your own trauma and ingrained habits, but against the grain of history.

But, here's the kicker, we as a player can do that – to some extent. We can try to break Harry out of the cycle. We can make him kinder and calmer and less violent. But he had to literally erase every aspect of himself, and he didn't even manage to do it completely.

We can save some kids, but no matter how we play the game, we're not allowed to save some of them. The ravers, we can help them. Cindy, we can give her a little bit of artistic inspiration. Mikael is set already, he doesn't need us. We can do our best to make sure Little Lily and her brothers aren't evicted. We can even give Cuno something other (better is debatable) by recruiting him to the RCM.

Cunoesse though? She's lost to us in all futures. She's the only person in the game besides ourself that we can actually kill (not counting the mercs), and the only one beside ourself that actively wants us to do it. There's already been circumstances that led her to where she is, and we the player can't break her cycle. All we can do is hope that there's someone else who can. And boy does it seem bleak.

[sewmice]

Thanks for the reblog, I just hope people can clear this and come away still playing… this event is enough to make anyone want to scream into the abyss. I’m almost impressed at the thought process behind this design, no wonder Broccoli changed from Shining Live, this is so much more profitable… for them.

This event being...something. The previous ones all having issues. And up until this huge login bonus, rewards just not being enough for pulls has been not a great start for the game. And with the player base, and hell just Utapri fanbase, just being lower than back when Shining Live started, it makes a mistake way more likely to ruin the game's chance at thriving. Also having a harsher event after the Session Lives and Tokiya's were pretty nice is....rough. And definitely might run people off who are already getting annoyed with the other issues.

Granted, the fanbase is still kicking pretty well, more so in Japan. The whales are still whaling. Tickets are still a fight. But like...we know it's gone down.

The move away from Shining Live is obviously more complicated than Broccoli wanting more money. The game was getting stagnant. It was developed by KLab, who was well moving away from rhythm games and have their own issues. The player base was declining. The spark was gone. I kinda wish Broccoli had leaned more into what made SL great when they took over, but the changing of games was kinda necessary. And it got Heavens fans their boys. Adding them to SL would have required heavy changes. Easier to start from scratch.

I do want to point out what has been great about Live Emotion so far! Reasons why we should stay encouraged and hope Broccoli keeps making good changes (because they have! We just had a qol update! They're giving us the 5000 login bonus too!) And this post is gonna get long lol

The boys in SL....got bland? They were only their idol sides, because even the backstage stuff was on camera. We stopped really seeing their depth and personalities, and that's the whole point of Utapri! To see them and work with them behind the screen! The idol stuff was supposed to be secondary! But since season 4 ended, all we've had is SL, movies, and other side projects that are JUST their idol side (aside from the Starish OVA).

But Live Emotion has us as Haruka again! We're by their side when they're actually being themselves! We get to romance them again! We're seeing Utapri as it was again! And as someone who has been here since 2012, god it feels so nice?? Like old times?

We're acknowledging and even having other characters in the stories. Both presidents have already shown up! And while no one else aside from them is listed in the voice cast yet, surely others will show soon? At least Ringo and Ryuuya. (they should've been in Starish's chapter at the school but whatever) Fucking Rodriguez has a mention in the event?? Like, the world is alive again! It's not just our 11 to 18 main boys (depending on content)

Old content and outfits are being used which will help with the concept fatigue SL had. And also it's just nice to see really good old designs not just be forgotten! I'm not a huge fan as to how Ultra Blast is being handled. It feels weird to have some people get SRs. In the same way I didn't like Oodorokiman and Shining Romance/Force Live being mixed SRs and URs. But I've seen other people upset and in the same way SL stopped doing that, hopefully Live Emotion will too.

And again Broccoli has been listening to feedback and making changes. There's still...a lot of work to do. But SL also made a lot of changes over time. So hopefully they keep listening and things get better. Because there's parts of this game worth protecting and wanting to continue. I loved how SL did stuff too. I wish we had everything about how SL did stuff with gachas and event mechanics, but the story and character quality of Live Emotion. We just gotta...push Broccoli in that direction.

I really hope the event doesn't scare people off! We're on 2 full months of the game. The first of this event type. Stuff can still change!!!

[williamrikers]

Thoughts on the Final Episodes of Enchanté the Series (and why the show should have ended after episode 8)

as i've said, i love enchanté the series. i love it very much up until episode 8. in this post, i'll talk about the storylines they pursued in episodes 9 and 10, how they each fell flat for me, and what i would have liked to see instead. a big thank you to @ranchthoughts for listening to me ramble about all of this before writing this whole 3k-word post!

so. these are the main storylines we got in episode 9 and 10:

theo and akk figure out how to be in a relationship

theo wants to be a writer, akk wants to be a photographer

akk is told he is out of theo's league. this makes him hesitant to be open about his love for theo

theo learns of his parents' divorce, finds out akk knew about it, tries to get his parents back together, and fails

theo is sick and akk takes care of him

theo decides to go back to france with his mother, theo and akk break up

akk is convinced that theo would rather be in a relationship with sun than with akk, until sun himself deus ex machinas this fear away

akk follows theo to france, proposes, the end

unfortunately, it seems the writers bit off a little more than they could chew there, throwing ideas at the wall and hoping some of them would stick. remember, up until episode 8, this was a campy, fun, "i'm going to make this guy confess his love to me" comedy. episodes 9 and 10 are way heavier than anything that came before and it's tonally very dissonant.

let's break these points down, shall we?

theo and akk figure out how to be in a relationship

i'm not super mad about this one. this storyline is mostly very sweet fluff: they're cooking together, kissing each other, marvel at how different it is to touch each other now that they're boyfriends, go on cute dates together. pretty standard bl fare. however, for a show that has been incredibly horny for 8 episodes (i talked in my other post about the many, MANY intricate rituals these two came up with just to touch each other), i was really wondering why theo and akk suddenly did a 180 and became the chastest of lovers. why weren't they allowed to be even a little horny? even just implied?

what i like about this plotline is that both characters make an effort to be good partners for each other. what i don't like is that this doesn't really include learning to communicate with each other (i'll come back to this one).

theo wants to be a writer, akk wants to be a photographer

this one is also fine in isolation. sadly, it didn't go anywhere. they talk about their dreams, then those dreams sort of get forgotten while everything else is going on. at the end, we learn that akk got a photography scholarship in france but to me, that felt unearned and part of the deus ex machina which i will discuss below. we never hear of theo's ambitions again, just like we never learn whether he managed to save the literature major or not. i guess bagging the love of his life as his husband is enough and his dreams don't matter?

akk is told he is out of theo's league. this makes him hesitant to be open about his love for theo

"If you don’t want them to talk, I think you should keep a low profile inside the university." (episode 9, 2/4)

we get this storyline pretty much out of nowhere. it's not clear to me why akk even takes this so seriously, in the first 8 episodes, he never had a problem making a fool of himself when it concerned theo. on the contrary, he never seemed to care too much about what others thought of him.

but one comment from his classmate and suddenly, he's hesitant about being seen together with theo. this could have been a good storyline, if it had ever gone anywhere. sure, akk can be insecure about this new experience, why not. but then his sister pretty much also tells him he is out of theo's league, and there is never a follow-up, never a moment where we see him getting over that or just talking to theo about it. you know, his boyfriend? who he should maybe tell that he's not really comfortable being too lovey-dovey at uni? who he should maybe tell that he's feeling like he doesn't deserve theo? who could have reassured him and they could have figured out how to proceed together?

but no, as it is it's just, akk is insecure at university, theo wonders why he's so distant. this never gets addressed again.

theo learns of his parents' divorce, finds out akk knew about it, tries to get his parents back together, and fails

this is actually the only one that i will wholeheartedly defend. i actually love the way theo was at odds with his parents: they didn't seem to listen to him or even know him at all (especially apparent in the beginning of the show), and likewise, theo had no idea what was really going on with them. it was a very well-set-up storyline that was actually there right from the very beginning, unlike all of these others.

and what they were trying to go for here was amazing! they tried to say something about love as a choice, love as something you need to work at, love as something that might not last a whole lifetime. (i'll come back to that later.) all this was missing was basically one conversation between theo and akk to pull it together and really make something GREAT out of it: i really wanted theo to actually talk to akk about what this discovery and his subsequent failure meant for him. what it meant for his approach to their own relationship. that could have been one amazing conversation but they just didn't write it, sadly.

i absolutely love that theo was forced to confront the fact that his parents had split up, that there was nothing he could do, that he had to accept it. i do not love the fact that the narrative then never forced him to be straightforward about his feelings for akk, not even when they met again in paris. i would have liked that man to learn that sometimes he needs to put on his big boy pants and actually TALK about his feelings! and the divorce storyline was where he SHOULD HAVE learned that--the set-up was perfect. all the writers would have needed to do was follow through.

similarly, i do actually love the conflict between akk and theo that arises here. to quote them:

"Why is everyone lying to me? Everyone. You, Dad, and Mom. Why did everyone I love lie to me?" - "I didn’t want to lie to you. But I’m an outsider. Who am I to say anything, Theo?" (episode 9, 4/4)

the beautiful thing about this is that they're both sort of right. this is a strong and worthwhile conflict! but it is solved by akk apologizing, theo saying he won't accept the apology, and then... neither of them ever talking about it again. NOT HOW YOU WRITE A CONFLICT RESOLUTION!!!

i'm honestly a bit mad about this. because that was their one strong conflict in these two episodes, and they just utterly failed to do anything interesting with it.

the other thing they failed to do anything interesting with:

"Not all couples in real life end up happily like in the novels, son." (episode 10, 1/4)

is this the right time to mention that i actually would have liked to see theo and akk break up and not get back together at the end? no? okay, i'll come back to that. it'll make sense, trust me.

theo is sick and akk takes care of him

so, after the divorce plot is taken care of, theo immediately gets BL Disease and needs to be taken care of. we all hate sponge baths. nothing much to be said here. except that theo fails to introduce akk as his boyfriend to sun (which is then not dealt with), and akk says "You will always have me by your side, Theo" (episode 10, 2/4) right before we learn that theo has decided to go back to france and won't have akk by his side. weirdly conflicting storytelling choices here for sure.

theo decides to go back to france with his mother, theo and akk break up

"Thank you so much for making me feel like I can still put faith in love. Because of you, I know I made the right decision." - "What decision?" - "I have something important to tell you. I’m going back to France." (episode 10, 2/4)

so although in this scene, theo says it was his decision, let me show you another quote:

"You look brighter than when you just got back." - "Yeah. It’s nice to live here. I have friends who speak the same language. And I get to stay with my beloved family." (episode 9, 2/4)

theo, up until episode 10, has shown absolutely no desire to return to france. he says at multiple points in the story that he didn't/doesn't have friends there, that he always felt incredibly alone. his grandmother is dead. sun (apparently the one person he ever hung out with) moved back to thailand. theo goes back to france solely out of filial obligation, which is certainly realistic from a cultural perspective... but why was it necessary to put this into the show if it didn't have an actual impact? just to have akk propose in front of the eiffel tower at the end? they could have done that literally any other way. be on holiday in france together, then akk proposes. just an idea.

i'm going to be controversial here, but personally, if they wanted to go for this story of theo having to choose his own family over akk, then it should have mattered. then they should have stayed true to the ending of the little prince and have theo and akk actually not get back together at the end. then they should have had a scene of both of them looking up at the stars and thinking of the other, unable to touch. unable to be together. as it is, theo going back to france lacks any sort of weight in the story.

and no, i know why them breaking up couldn't be the conclusion of the story. this is a bl. the boys have to be together at the end. (this is also why he's coming to me fell flat for me at the end--med should have been reborn. he and thun shouldn't have been able to stay together. just my opinion.)

anyway, since they needed to do the bl ending, i would have wanted to see theo and akk actually fight for their love. both of them. this storyline needed to have consequences, damn it!

as it is, there's no meaning to the decision. what is the narrative value of theo going back to france? it seems like a step in the wrong direction from a character perspective, like we're watching him regress. what is the narrative telling us? that akk needs to learn more about where theo comes from? why does akk need to make the big sacrifice though, while theo doesn't even need to learn to talk about his feelings?

it's all very unbalanced. the narrative doesn't make theo really confront his feelings for akk, we don't see him struggling over his decision to leave akk except in his conversation with sun, there is no indication that he tried to fight for their love, and it's left to akk to change his entire life and leave behind everything he knows just to be with a guy who doesn't even introduce him as his boyfriend. sorry, but... how does any of that make sense in the context of the first 8 episodes? you know, the episodes where theo desperately, desperately loved akk, where he kissed him like he couldn't breathe without him? what exactly happened to that theo?

akk is convinced that theo would rather be in a relationship with sun than with akk, until sun himself deus ex machinas this fear away

in keeping with the mischaracterization, akk somehow becomes convinced that theo doesn't love him any more.

i mean, in the show's defense, it is in character for them to be completely unable to communicate. they weren't able to communicate their love for and commitment to each other at any point, and i would have loved if the conclusion of the show had been that without communication, even the deepest love is doomed to failure. (there i go again with my they should have stayed apart agenda.) i mean, theo does the whole shebang with the book instead of simply talking to akk, OF COURSE they're not equipped to talk about something as big and life-altering as moving across the globe and what that means for them. or about their feelings for each other. but i would have really liked to see some consequences for that.

but no, sun just appears out of nowhere to tell akk that theo really loves him, no, really, theo told him that, trust me, bro.

"I love Akk so much. I don’t want to leave him. But I need to." - "The one hearing this right now should be Akk." - "I’m scared to tell him. I don’t want to hold him back. I don’t want him to wait. I have no clue when I’ll come back. I don’t want to be selfish." (episode 10, 4/4)

even sun is telling theo he should talk to his boyfriend.

there is something to be said in favour of a bl where the leads ostensibly don't choose each other, where they are convinced the other can genuinely be happier without them, and they choose the other person's happiness over their own, the way akk and theo are convinced they're doing. of course they're both wrong, but learning that from a deus ex machina instead of by talking to your own boyfriend... uh... nope, not a fan of that.

"I’ve been okay since the day you told me the news. I’d do the same if I were you. Of course, you can’t let her live alone. Remember what I said about your parents? I told you to respect what they choose. If I can’t even do as I told you, then I’m a hypocrite. I really am okay to let you go." (episode 10, 3/4)

i love this line. i wish it were in a better episode.

akk follows theo to france, proposes, the end

i guess marriage solves all communication problems. after sun plays the deus ex machina to solve the problem of akk and theo being unable to talk to each other, akk gets the help of another deus ex machina in the form of a scholarship to study in france. sure, whatever works for you. once again, i would have liked to see these two actually fight for their love. they should have had to put in the work! fix your communication problems! overcome the adversities of a long distance relationship! i mean this had mostly been a silly little comedy show, sure, but if they're going in that direction then they should commit, damn it!

unfortunately, they lost the comedy and camp aspect towards the end of the show, which was a shame. i think if they'd been a little more campy about this whole mess, then the ending might have worked better.

in conclusion... the show should have ended after episode 8

i feel like i've sufficiently demonstrated that the storylines in episodes 9 and 10 mostly went nowhere, the writers had a LOT of ideas, they didn't set most of them up properly and didn't have the time to resolve all of them properly either. i think this should have been a funny and sweet 8-episode-series that should have ended on the balcony kiss, and it's very sad that they didn't stick their landing.

so, here's what i would do: keep the divorce storyline in, but put it before the love confession on the balcony, maybe around episode 7. have theo learn that love might not last and then choose to be with akk anyway.

everything else can go. going back to france is the biggest offender here, this should be either left out completely or the series should have been a 12-parter, with the final four parts only dealing with this problem. ever since bmf, i know it is possible to write bls that have the main couple confess in episode 8 and still give them compelling and in-character conflicts for another 4 episodes while showing them grow closer together by overcoming these problems. but ideally, i'd just want to cut the return to france entirely.

i actually love the idea of ending the show with both of them saying enchanté to each other. however, that happened at the wrong moment, it wasn't narratively significant at that point at all. the point where that should have gone was after the balcony kiss! that's when they saw each other in a new light for the first time, that's when they met for the first time as lovers, when they both made their feelings clear for the first time. that's where the enchantés should have gone.

anyway, the show should have ended on the balcony kiss, both of them smiling at each other and saying enchanté.

thank you for reading 😘

[asgardian--angels]

I love your blog title. I love that when DJenks made his announcement this month, I went into the tags all morose and accepting defeat, and I saw you there still ready to fight, not giving up, ready for a marathon. Truly, that means SO much to me. A little bit of hope is a powerful thing to have, and we need people who are determined to keep that flame burning bright. So happy to have you in this fandom. You really do make a difference. 💕

Aw, thank you! I really appreciate it. And yeah, I'd almost forgotten about my blog title, which I've had for over a decade, and how hope really does embody me and everything I do.

The streaming landscape is in upheaval, things are changing by the week - even since our turbo-cancellation was announced, two other shows (cancelled for much longer) were saved. Like others have been saying, we were all mentally prepared for a marathon and realistically I don't think anyone can just call everything off after just two months when so many shows have to fight for years before getting a movie deal. I respect David - he told us that news so that we'd know that there's nothing more we can accomplish right now by shouting at streamers, and that we did make a difference. There WERE interested parties, we proved we were lucrative. But that does not mean the fight is over, it just means we need to change tactics and pivot to keeping the fandom active and vocal in the long-term, and bide our time until shifts in the industry open new doors for revisiting OFMD (like David Zaslav leaving, or Max going under, or another merger). That might be six months, or it might be six years. What I am certain of is that there's so much love and passion for this show from the cast and crew that everyone would be down to get the gang back together for a season 3 years down the road.

Basically, I have no doubts the fandom will persist - this fandom is composed of very enthusiastic and artistically talented people who have an unending well of inspiration to draw from. What I do think needs to be done though, that I'm seeing wane a bit on Twitter, is to ensure we direct that noise; most people have stopped using OFMD hashtags, which means our posts won't get noticed. Something that has been great is just how vehemently the fandom has gone after Max on pretty much every single promotional post they've made in the past few weeks - check any of them out, and you'll see 95-100% of the comments are OFMD fans using #DontStreamonMax and #FireDavidZaslav , plus the great new tagline 'Sell The Show, Let Us Go'. That is something that I feel is critical we keep up, as I think one of the most powerful means of influence we have right now is to hold this industry responsible for the cancellation of queer content and just quality content overall. That's one direction we can really put our might towards - toppling the WBD empire faster. Other things we can shout for are a physical release, 'The Jenkins Cut' of s2ep8, deleted scenes/bloopers, merchandise, etc. Max is being absolutely idiotic right now in a way that shoots themselves in the foot, because they're holding onto this IP that could have been their lifeline for keeping subscribers and stock prices up, and not only did they cancel it but they're not even maximizing on the rights they refuse to sell by promoting it or making merch of it, anything that could continue to bring in revenue for what they KNOW without a doubt is one of the best performing shows they've ever had on their platform. Them trying to forget OFMD exists is the nail in their own coffin, because it's the only reason a whole lot of people ever did business with Max in the first place.

So, the long and short of it is, I'll never stop having hope for the return of our show! David said we got the attention of this industry, and we've proven our worth. It's just a really unstable landscape right now, so we need to be patient. It's annoying to see these streamers invest in less successful and more expensive shows, but I think they're all panicking to stay afloat even though they're not making decisions that could help them there. The dust needs to settle. If we can show that there's still a loud and passionate fanbase in a year, in three years, then they will revisit us. We need to keep calling out WBD and Max, we need to keep using hashtags to be heard, and just try to settle into a rhythm that we can maintain long-term. We still have a bunch of BTS to see from Samba, and we will have WJW with David at some point. I think it's important that we DON'T request any season 3 info from him, because that's what jeopardizes the possibility of that storyline then ever getting made. I'm seeing some people on Twitter start to burn out or fall into a state of sad acceptance and if you need to do that for your health, that's fine. But I don't want that mindset to spread throughout the fandom. Our outlook, our words, do have the power to become reality - if we sit back and wave the white flag, then that seriously hurts our chances of ever getting the show back. But if we can carry on like it's just a season hiatus, continuing to demand the question 'ok so WHEN *taps watch*' then our insistence can help make season 3 a reality.

[tigger8900]

New Who Rewatch: S1E1 - Rose

So, I originally intended to do this back before the 13th Doctor, but I couldn't get my shit together. Such is life. Then I thought I'd do it before the 60th Anniversary Specials, but again, did not have my shit together. But then I thought, it's never going to happen if I don't just do it, regardless of where my shit is or what it's doing. So this is happening.

I'm gonna be starting from 2005, y'all. Some of these episodes I've seen several times. Some I've only seen a couple times. And a few(more in later seasons) I've only seen once before. It'll be interesting to revisit those in particular, thinking about why I avoided them when picking out episodes to watch. I'll be ranking things as I go. Who knows, life might even allow me to get all the way through to the present! Assume that there are unmarked spoilers through the episode being discussed.

S1E1: Rose

Overall Ranking: 1/1

Series 1 Ranking: 1/1

I've never been mad at Rose. Is it my favorite? No. Do I dislike it? Again no, not even when thinking about the CGI effects. I think it's a great premiere for the reboot, but taking the episode on its own merits it's pretty solidly middle of the pack for me. I expect it to shake out somewhere in the upper middle of the rankings. Though the Ninth Doctor is incredible, Rose is not my favorite companion, so that probably factors into it as well.

Thoughts on the episode:

I really like the framing of the Doctor as being someone dangerous. I'd forgotten about that. He comes in when a big disaster happens, and we know that usually he stops it from being even worse, but from the human perspective he's the harbinger!

The Mickey vs bin CGI is not good. Oi.

Christopher Eccleston is so good in this role. As much as I tend to like the episode content that Russell T. Davies puts out, the fact that Eccleston has spoken out about his negative experiences working with RTD(among others) gives me complicated feelings about RTD being back as a showrunner.

Jackie Tyler is so unlikable at the start, even viewed through the context of her being a single mom doing her best. What she has going for her is the fact that she loves Rose very much and wants what's best for her daughter. What she has going against her is pretty much everything else. She's a great character, especially later in her arc, but I'd hate to have to be around her as she appears in this episode.

RIP Clive.

I love that, after literally five minutes of living plastic-induced mayhem, the street is full of fire. It's so ridiculous and over the top.

The chain swing is a really good character moment for Rose. She might not be set up for success by the metrics society typically uses(no A-levels, no job), but she's brave and capable. That's the part of her character that I like.

...but she treats Mickey like shit! He's not a bad boyfriend, from what we see. They're being sweet together and having fun in the opening, and he shows up to help her out repeatedly. He's also right about a lot of things, including the fact that it's kinda sus to go meet some internet stranger at his house. But she's so inattentive that she doesn't even notice when he's been replaced by an Auton. Admittedly she also doesn't notice the Doctor trying to get her attention in the same scene, so this is more of a Rose issue than a Rose & Mickey issue, but that's messed up. And then at the end, when he's having a perfectly normal reaction to what he's just gone through, she just up and lol bye!~ Mickey deserved better.

[teddybeartoji]

i have a questionnnnn

do you like video games?

and do you know baldur's gate 3 and final fantasy 7?

i got into those during my last vacations and idk why it never occurred to me to ask you even tho i am obsessed with astarion and sephiroth (it's always the white haired guys my taste is so predictable) and cloud but that's another thing

the characterization in both of those games is soooo good especially if you watch almost everything ff7 related like i did (takes a while though)

anyways i felt you could do them justice if you were to write about them, especially astarion. ngl i was very disappointed when i went on socials, as usual, to consume content about the media i just watched and i was very shocked in a bad way

not by the quality, there's just tons of thirst edits for example and while i agree his character is pretty and everything, it kinda hurt cuz it just went against his WHOLE character arc ... i was very disappointed with the fandom haha

same with sephiroth, though i didnt resent as much cuz his story isn't about the fact of being sexualized against his will

UGH I LOVE BOTH OF THEM SO MUCH. SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING -

anyways yeah i love media in general, series/movies/games you name it as long as there's a story or just one character that i rlly like i'll love it

so i was wondering what games you liked... or media in general at this point, except the movies you posted about

also no pressure but is there a system with asks? are they removed from your inbox if you answer them? are they automatically deleted after some time? just to know cuz i haven't gotten an answer to mine and i'm scared i might've said something bad! esp since i read badly your rules and didn't see a negation and maybe said smth about looking forward to a next part :') smh

HELLOO NONNIEE:3333 I LOVE VIDEO GAMESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i have only heard abt baldur's gate and final fantasy sadly!!!! i have nothing against them they just don't necessarily seem my type of games.. BALDUR'S GATE CHARACTER CREATION SEEMS SO FUCKING FUN THOUGH OMFGGG

and i've definitely seen and heard a lot of astarion!!!!!!!!!! i've also seen some stuff abt him being really overly sexualized right????? his character seems so cool i would love to get to know him better wahh i really do wanna try baldur's gate one day!!!!!!! and unfortunately i only know sephiroth by name too:((( i'm sorry to disappoint u nonnie baby:(((

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH VIDEO GAMES I LIKEEEE!!!!! my all time favourite is definitely the last of us part 2!!!!!!!!!!!! i am on my like... sixth playthrough on that lmao i'm doing it on grounded so yk wish me luck!!!!! anywayy i ofc like the first one too but man.. the second one hits harder for me tbh. then i really fucking love ghost of tsushima, i'm actually replaying it rn too hehe.

honorable mentions go to rdr2, until dawn, the newest dead space remake, god of war, disco elysium, the resident evil games, assassin's creed (i know a lot of ppl don't like these all that much but idk i think they're really fun!! esp black flag and odyssey)(ok i am biased bc these were like my first games ever lmao), days gone (this is another that most think is rather lame but again.. i think it's really fucking fun i have nothing against it) aaaand death stranding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahh so many games damn i might've forgotten some but these are some that i really love!!!!!!!!!!!! i have played almost all of them multiple times too lmao that's crazy

for overall media i'd just give a lil shoutout to the 'mindhunter' series on netflix!!!!!!!!!!!!! i absolutely fucking looove that show!!!!!!!! i've seen that multiple times too i love the characters and just the way it's done overall!!!!!!!!! also 'manic' i think that's a netflix one too.. that's a really short one but idk it changed me okay i think it's fucking great

OMGG AND WAAAHHH TRUST THAT I STILL HAVE YOUR ASK!!! I AM JUST REALLY SLOW WITH ANSWERING THEM SO I AM VERY SORRY ABT THAT!!!!!!! and you definitely haven't crossed any lines either, so it's one hundred percent on me!!!!!!!!! the thing is that i get a bit overwhelmed when i have to answer things which sounds ridiculous bc I LOOOOVEEEE TALKING TO YOU GUYSSS my brain just sucks okay i'm sorry

[jeevaschrist]

Hi! Thank you for agreeing to a matchup exchange! Could I please get a romantic male matchup for Bungo Stray Dogs, Jujitsu Kaisen, Sk8 the Infinity, and (only if it's not too much) Yuri!!! On Ice?

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Straight

Age: 20

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

MBTI: INFJ-A

Personality: I'm pretty quiet in social settings but if someone talks to me first, I can keep a conversation going. I will occasionally go up to someone to initial a conversation but not very often. With people that I'm close with, I'm very open and sarcastic. And I make a lot of self-depreciating jokes (even though I have a high self worth). I set very high standards for myself but I also usually meet those standards. People say I have a good poker face/a scary glare but I've never seen it. People also say I look like someone who "knows what they're doing".

Likes/Hobbies: Reading, writing, anime, video games, and listening to music (stuff like Hamilton, Panic! at the Disco and Offspring). I want to be a fantasy writer and I am currently studying an English major at university.

Dislikes: Spiders (deathly afraid of those), being forgotten when I'm gone, and disappointing those who I care about.

Looks: I'm 164cm (5'4") and have an average build (not too curvy but definitely not straight up and down). I have green eyes that everyone thinks are brown and curly/frizzy dark brown hair that is down to the middle of my back.

What I Look for in a Partner: Someone honest and caring. Someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I don't really have a preference on appearance; personality is far more portent to me.

Hopefully I've put a good amount of useful information! I hope you have a lovely day and that life is treating you kindly!

~Eren

hi hi! sorry it took me so long to answer, ik i said it would be earlier but then life got insane. anyway, i hope these are okay!

For BSD I'd match you with Ranpo Edogawa :p

i think ranpo would be a good match just because there's so much you can teach each other. from how to be sociable at all times to how to calm tf down and not run your mouth *glares at ranpo* i think you two would be cute together

For JJK I'd match you with Satoru Gojo

i just think this would be a power couple move, if that makes sense. but you'd be more behind the scenes in this one instead of out on the "battlefield". i think you two would get along so, so well but at the same time like not everyone would know how powerful you two are together because you both don't always show it unless you have to. he'd be pretty protective over you too, which is nice (at least for me).

For SK8 I'd match you with Kojiro Nanjo

i think he's a good fit just because of the personality shpeel you gave; think kind of like cherry and him, but you're a little more self deprecating in your jokes. i think that would be a challenge for him because he wouldn't exactly know if you're joking or not, and he'd get nervous that his jokes offended you somehow. i very much think you could win a lot of insult wars that way.

And lastly, for Yuri!!! On Ice I'd match you with Victor Nikiforov :)

the self deprecating jokes would have him on his knees trying to tell you how beautiful you are. i don't think he'd be too into anime because he doesn't have a ton of time to watch it and i think you'd spend time trying to get him into your interests so he stops focusing on everything else that runs him down or puts pressure on him. he's definitely the honest and caring personality type, but he's also egotistical and a bitch but hey. it's victor.

i hope these were good! i'll send in my req for the exchange soon, i promise! <3

[electrosair]

Hi! Could I please get a male romantic matchup?

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Straight

Age: 20

Appearance: I'm 164cm (5'4") and have an average build (not too curvy but definitely not straight up and down). I have green eyes that everyone thinks are brown and curly/frizzy dark brown hair that is down to the middle of my back

Personality: I'm pretty quiet in social settings but if someone talks to me first, I can keep a conversation going. I will occasionally go up to someone to initial a conversation but not very often. With people that I'm close with, I'm very open and sarcastic. And I make a lot of self-depreciating jokes (even though I have a high self worth). I set very high standards for myself but I also usually meet those standards. People say I have a good poker face/a scary glare but I've never seen it. People also say I look like someone who "knows what they're doing".

Likes/Hobbies: Reading, writing, anime, video games, and listening to music (stuff like Hamilton, Panic! at the Disco and Offspring). I want to be a fantasy writer and I am currently studying an English major at university.

Dislikes: Spiders (deathly afraid of those), being forgotten when I'm gone, and disappointing those who I care about.

What I look for in a partner: Someone honest and caring. Someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I don't really have a preference on appearance; personality is far more important to me.

My favourite nation is Monstadt (with Sumeru a close second) and my favourite element is Anemo. Some of my favourite characters are Aether, Thoma, and Kaveh but I don't really have any characters I don't like/wouldn't want to be matched with.

Hopefully I've put a good amount of useful information! I hope you have a lovely day and that life is treating you kindly!

~Eren

indeed there's a bunch of useful info! hope you have a good day as well and that you like the matchup <3 (fun fact that i actually thought of matching you up with kaveh before even reading that last part, but here we go)

Tighnari!

He likes that you don't have low standards for the things you set for yourself, he is the type of person who does the same and would support you in any way he can if he sees that during any time you are more down or doubtful.

I feel like the main problem would be where Tighnari lives, I don't think you'd be too excited to go into the rainforest with that much of a spider phobia, so all of your dates would be in the city.

At times when he is doing things that don't require a lot of attention or when he has become overwhelmed for some reason, I would ask if you could read him some of the new things you have written. He would also like to help you improve it and come up with fresh ideas, even if he wasn't that good with it.

Definitely the type that would treat his partner with respect, talking things out and honesty is one of the most important points as he sees things so that everything goes right and there are not too many problems.

[piracytheorist]

Oohhh god. I feel the fatigue in my body already. I had forgotten just how much garbage comes forth whenever you move houses. So many old notes and small receipts and broken hair ties and old leaflets and stuff. I've gone downstairs to throw out trash about four times today, and there's a little more gathered now but it's too little to justify putting on a bra again to go out. I wore my bra all day long today cause it was out of the question doing packing with my Ds unsupported, and about an hour ago I went like "I'm done for today", took it off and had dinner, so it's not coming back on for today XD

I think I'm more than halfway done - that's not counting my electric piano. I need one more person to help with packing that one cause that damn keyboard is big and heavy. The big appliances are just going to go in the car as they are. I'm probably going to get a furnished apartment so all the appliances will have to fit somewhere in my parents' place, so they won't go far, so no need to pack and bubble-wrap those.

My main problem is the dishes and cutlery. I can't pack them yet cause I need to eat tomorrow and on Monday. I'll never get over my fear of packing fragile plates cause what if I drop the box. I mean they barely cost 3 euros each but still. Who deals with that.

I may actually have to go buy some bubble wrap for those on Monday. Oof. So much stuff to do on Monday and only Monday as it's probably going to be my last day in this apartment. My mother offered to help arrange the final stuff, like cut off water and electricity, give back the keys to my landlady, and pick up the appliances I won't take in the new place, so I have a lot of help in that department, but I pretty much have to have everything settled from my side by Monday evening.

It really is that the stress of whether I'd get a job left and the stress of moving out set in. At least it's a little more hopeful this time. If I get a cheap apartment, I can put some money aside all year long so next time I'll have to move I can just rent a van and not worry about trunk space.

Oof. It will be a few intense days until I'm settled and get accustomed to the new place and job. But it's for a good change. I'm so happy the temperature has dropped cause boy I don't know what I would have otherwise XD

Anyway just an update, mostly for me to feel validated for today and encourage myself for tomorrow. Still lots of stuff to put away and decide which box they're going in. Tomorrow I'm continuing the packing, then resting and ordering my favourite pasta dish which I'll probably take TOO LONG to eat again cause it's only from a specific restaurant here and I don't know when I'll be back to taste it again T_T

I'm actually going to miss this town. I didn't love it enough to be like "This should be my forever home!" but I did grow accustomed to it pretty quick. There are lots of things I'll think about it fondly... but the great part about the new place is that it's a twenty-minute (and cheap!) bus ride from the sea. And I've missed walking down a beach or seaside town. That'll definitely fill some of my weekends XD

[goetialiker]

Quick Thoughts on Season 2 Episode 2

Spoilers if you haven't watched btw

Also for those unfamiliar with my blog, I'm not an anti, these are my genuine feelings on a show that is incredibly important to me.

I'm just gonna touch on a couple points rather than review everything since I'm very busy today, but I am pretty mixed on the episode which is extremely unfortunate given how I thought episode 1 was absolutely fantastic this season, and it has to do with how they treated information from previous episodes in this one.

Before we go on: love the Stolas human design. He's handsome. This is not surprising coming from a Stolas stan. Also, animation is still good. Not as good as some of the previous few episodes but it's still good!

Let's start with the bad. This very nearly completely ruined the episode for me: Stolas and Blitz. What the hell happened between now and the last episode that apparently completely wiped their relational conflict away? We are right back to episode 7 where Stolas is upset with Blitz for something but is nonetheless smitten over him. Before, that completely made sense for their characters. And you know what: if we were in a timeline where this episode happened before s1e7 I would've been fine. Yet, Stolas's anguish from last episode? Gone. Just, forgotten. We get *one* hint from last episode that doesn't even seem to fully address what happened.

"Well, he seems to like you sir!"

"Okay, my dick is good, but it is not that good, Moxxie."

Subjectively funny line, not enough to save my opinion on how they handled this. I get that Blitz and Stolas are demons who make bad decisions but even with that it just feels like there is so much discarding of previous material. I still think we're gonna have some conflict between the two, we are MORE than set up for that. This episode, however, worries me that they (Spindlehorse) are taking it way too casually, and when we reach a climax between the imp and the Goetia, we're either running into tonal whiplash or a dismissal of previous information. I'm worried, I won't lie. I don't like that tonal whiplash is the best option. I personally related to so much of what Blitz and Stolas were like with each other and if it's thrown out the window I'll be crushed. The plot here with Blitz being mistaken for a celebrity also felt weak to me. I mostly liked it for when Blitz had a crisis about Loona which I describe as a highlight below.

Next, the handling of the setting. It felt like a whirlwind of all the stereotypes I've heard of Los Angeles growing up in the Bay Area of California. It just wasn't very appealing to me comedy-wise. I don't think all the jokes landed as they usually have for me in the show. I liked Loona searching everywhere through Sinstagram and recognizing some of those landmarks I'm familiar with.

On to the good! Speaking of Loona!! Holy shit! Huge highlight for me was Octavia and Loona talking. It's clear that fans wanted this, and while it's difficult for Loona to relate to Octavia on a royal level, Loona analyzing her own relationship with Blitz to relate to Octavia was a wonderful writing decision. Using that as a way to relate to Octavia while knowing so little about what's going on was great development for both Via and Loona. Some great shots during this scene as well. Loona's adoption was heartbreaking but also good development for her and Blitz. Love the moment after the Observatory with Stolas and Via as well.

Lastly, M&M doing cute shit and Moxxie trying to be a patron of the arts is adorable. I love that gremlin. Good B (C?) plot this episode.

You can probably tell that I'm mostly disappointed with Stolitz. And yeah. That really did affect my enjoyment of the episode. I'm worried about what we're gonna see in the future. I don't plan on dropping the show *at all*, this has been a comfort show for me and I'm just rolling through these waves of disappointment. You'll absolutely catch me rb'ing shit about Loona and Octavia hanging out, they're perfect best friend material. For Stolitz, it's gonna have to prove itself to me a little better going forward.

[magicalrocketships]

Honestly all of the scenes in We Used to Wait. I’ve read it….an embarrassing number of times.

But specifically the scene where Louis says “I have a new and exciting perspective on life”. It so so good.

The sheer amount of research I had to do for this fic. My absolutely-not-in-1D-at-all doctor friend came to stay and I bombarded her with questions about what the worst injuries we could give Louis could be, and how he could just keep getting sicker etc etc. It's entirely down to her that he just kept on having surgery and getting pneumonia. But yeah, this scene when Louis's still in hospital but everyone finally knows they're together, and Nick's secretly about three seconds from falling over the edge.

(We Used To Wait)

Louis just smiles at him. "We should have gone public before, you know. I could have shown off how great you were when I had more than one working limb."

"Hindsight, huh," Nick says. He sets up his Macbook on the table, moving the snacks out of the way, and loads up the film.

"You look knackered," Louis says,. "How are you doing, really?"

Nick lets out a breath. "Honestly?" he says. "I'm fucked up. But it's okay. I'm okay. I'm getting there."

He desperately wants it to be true.

He knows it isn't.

Louis bumps his hand into Nick's. "It's going to be all right, you know. I mean. I know it isn't right now. But I'm going to come home soon, and we don't have to sneak around anymore. I can just, like, go for a drink with you or go to the shops. Answer the phone when it's you and I'm around other people. Wander up to your doorstep in broad daylight."

"Sounds fancy," Nick says.

"I don't want fancy," Louis says. "I never wanted fancy."

"I know," Nick says.

"I like cock," Louis says, "and I love you. And everyone knows that now."

"You're taking this a lot better than I thought you might, you know. I thought you'd freak out."

"I've got a new and exciting perspective on life," Louis says. "Anyway, I was never ashamed of you. You didn't think I was, did you? It was just... what we were doing was fun. I loved it."

"I know," Nick says. For the past few weeks he's done nothing but associate how the two of them were before the accident with guilt and regret; they should have told their friends, they should have told their families, they shouldn't have hidden it. He'd forgotten the other side of it, the two of them being happy and falling in love, spending time together because they wanted to, because they enjoyed each other's company, because they were having fun.

"I don't care if everyone knows I'm with you," Louis says. "I care that if you were in an accident I wouldn't be able to get in to see you. No one would ring me to tell me you were hurt."

Nick has cried so much. He never wants to cry again. He hates it. He squeezes Louis's hand instead. "No chance of that now. You'd be the first one on everyone's list. I'm pretty sure that if I get a papercut at work, Finchy's going to be on the phone to you, making sure you know."

"As it should be," Louis says. "Tell him that's exactly what he should be doing."

"How are you feeling?" Nick asks, changing the subject. He just—it's so hard, all of the time. Everything's so difficult. He wants to fast forward time until Louis is home, and safe, and better, and out of bed.

"Worn out." He smiles. It looks tired at the edges. "But I'm glad you're here."

"You want anything to eat?"

Louis shakes his head. "Put the film on," he says. "And stay with me."

"All right," Nick says, and does.