#but the idea of calling them adult FIGURES until they learn to actually act like adults... yeah there's something in that

[eye-in-hand]

Why I'm Converting to Judaism

I've posted this onto tumblr before on an old blog of mine, fuck if I remember what it was called but lmfao I'm sure some people have seen this before.

There are a lot of reasons why I'm converting to Judaism, but what I talk about in this is a large part of it, and a large part of a lot of healing I've had to do. Getting involved in the Jewish community (at the point of writing this, I had a bit, but was still too scared and admittedly triggered from past events I talk about in this to do so) has been really healing for me, and has made me feel validated and less alone in my experiences. And that's something I can never show enough thanks for.

Also at the time of writing this I didn't have my driver's license yet, but I do now, and that's helped with actually being able to be in a physical Jewish space so that's been nice.

Because it involves (CW:) violent antisemitism and rape, I'll put it under the cut. This was written partly around June/July 2023 and then a couple days after 10/7.

For the last few years I've been seriously considering and researching into converting to Judaism. It's been a little difficult because I live in the middle of fucking nowhere northern Midwest and the closest Jewish community to me is small and an hour away (and I can not drive), but I've been talking with their rabbi for the past few years. Admittedly on and off because I've been ahhhh terrified lmfao for many different reasons (mainly it brings up trauma I've dealt with that I get into that below) but recent events have... really made it clear where I want to stand in this world, and who my heart yearns for the most.

Some back story:

There's a lot that has happened to me growing up involving the idea of Jewish Identity, who is and isn't Jewish—but there are a few major events that really stick out in my mind. The majority of my years in High School, I would often (and I mean, this happened regularly) be asked if I was Jewish, or told "you look Jewish" unsolicited, or asked "why do you [act Jewish]?" I have dark, curly hair, and other "typical Jewish features", or so I'm told. I had no idea if I was Jewish (ethnically anyways, I knew I wasn't religiously), and growing up as an undiagnosed autistic, I had no idea how to respond to these kinds of questions, or what to do about figuring that out, I had no fucking idea about anything. I don't even think I really understood what being Jewish meant. And when enough people ask you if you're X thing, you start to wonder if you are.

When asked, I had two answers: "I don't know, actually," or "why?" I never understood why it was only the Jewish kids being asked this, why was the question always "are you Jewish?" I never seemed to see other ethnicities being questioned (bare the biracial kids, they got asked this a lot too) and I went to a very diverse inner-city school. I knew Jewish kids and they were always asked and bothered the same way I was, sometimes at the same time. I showed interest in learning about Jewish culture and would talk about it at school, etc. Maybe these answers were the wrong ones. I'm autistic, I have no idea. Maybe I should have just said "no, I'm not." but my response was "I don't know, let me look into that," or "Why? Does it matter?" Because I genuinely meant those words.

To keep this short, I was bullied in school for "being Jewish", "looking Jewish", especially as if my dark, curly hair and nose were ugly and weird traits to either mock or touch without asking. Traits I tried to hide my whole life until recently as an adult I learned to appreciate them. I remember a specific incident where my 'best friend' was in a group project with other classmates and as the class was working on them, she came all the way across the room to me, and asked, "are you Jewish?" and I said, "why?"

"Oh because you look like a Greek Jew." Whatever that means.

All I responded with was a forced laugh and "does it matter if I was? Why is the question always about being Jewish?"

She went back to her group and for the rest of the class I was stared and laughed at. Very weird. Autism brain does not understand what is so fucking funny about it. There was another incident with her, or regularly honestly, and this group of people who would compare me to characters from media based on negative Jewish stereotypes and apparently it was just hilarious.

I always had to deal with holocaust jokes, Jew jokes, expected to laugh and go with it because it was just a crack at my appearance.

After high school, I moved towns, and — to keep this short and not too personal. I met a guy who took me in while I was vulnerable. Just became homeless, had no friends or places to go in a completely new town. Turns out, he's a neo-nazi, and I mean that literally. Not in the just a bigot oh he's a nazi, like — he was a proud "Odinist" body builder fuck head who was very proud of being Icelandic and German. The topic of Jewish people was one he brought up a lot, especially towards me. He asked me that same question, and I told him, "I don't know. I get asked that a lot."

I told him I was interested in celebrating Jewish holidays to learn more about Judaism. I'm angry at myself because I was barely 18, undiagnosed autistic, and he was much older than me, a local of the town and who I was depending on for a place to stay, for food. I barely knew what a pagan was, let alone what covert supremacy looked like.

I'm not exaggerating that this all still makes me shake, typing this is hard. I feel sick. He isolated me, kept me in his basement, "joked" about keeping "a Jew in his basement" and how "funny it would be to make that a dead Jew." He sexually abused me, beat me, choked and shook me, called me slurs, he'd talk on the phone when he thought I was asleep to his white supremacist friends about the "Jewish whore" he had. He wouldn't let me get a job, encouraged me to "act Jewish" in a fetishizing way. Told "edgy" jokes over, and over, and over and expected me to laugh with everything. It was all just a joke why are you upset it's funny, what's wrong with you, why are you such a bitch?

Later, when I got away from him (and homeless again in the process) I was in online "spiritual communities" and showed a picture of my face. I didn't realize how much the New Age community hates Jews and I was called a lot of things, especially when I told them that Jews aren't an alien race here to take over the world, or that hating Jewish people doesn't make you a fucking spiritually awakened guru. I was harassed in public for "being a Zionist (edit: yes, even in 2017)" even though I had never even mentioned an opinion on Israel, I never claimed to be Jewish, it was just assumed. My (platonic) partner's mother cried because "my daughter is running off w that k*** boy." I never told her I was Jewish, and neither did my partner. She saw me on Skype once. (Edit: My boyfriend's family are from Russia/Georgia and he's terrified to be seen with me near them and despite being interested in Judaism himself he's scared to go to the synagogue with me because of the possibility of them finding out. (Some of the fear is also because we're gay, but I'm well aware that it'd be even worse if they knew it was gay jews. And he's not scared for himself, he's scared for me.)

I got a DNA test a few years ago. I'm not Jewish. I don't know what happened to me. I don't understand this. Is this valid pain towards an identity I can't even claim? What do I even do with this? I wish I could talk to a Rabbi but I can't tell if I'm overstepping a boundary. A Rabbi's job is for the Jewish Community, they don't have time to hear my sob story about the antisemitism a Gentile faced. I can't just show up to the Jewish community and say "I get your struggles" because I don't. But I feel so alone.

I've stepped in and out of conversion, confused and unsure of who I am or who I want to be, what I believe, and how others see me. Angry at myself for how I handled these questions. Angry at myself for appropriating a struggle that isn't even mine to be struggling with. I'm so sorry.

When converting doesn't scare me, I just want to convert so that maybe the idea of being Jewish can be more than pain to me, and instead be something empowering. But I don't know anything right now or where I should go.

About a month or so ago, a couple coworkers of my partner started harassing us about me being Jewish, and I had directly told them multiple times, that I am not Jewish. I had even dropped the idea of converting because I was too scared of all this past hurt and didn't want to be alone to deal with it anymore, and too scared to talk to the Rabbi for fear of bothering him. But they threatened me, the only place I felt safe to hang out was around my partner's work and that place is no longer safe for me because of these people. I don't know them, and I don't want to know what they're capable of or rather who they know around here, because they're Qanon supporters of the men that tried to kidnap the governor and supporters of Jan 6, trumpy fucking dickheads. I live in a small, incredibly Christian town, I didn't fucking need this shit again.

It really triggered me because I didn't even have the excuse of "well it's my fault, I didn't say I wasn't Jewish" this time. I told them I wasn't but they think I'm hiding some "dark Jew secret" and I "cursed them" because their lives are going to shit.

Then all of this in Israel happened, and it hurt so much. That was the first weekend I had done Shabbat in a year or so, and for the first time it felt so right. It felt like what I should be doing. Then I logged back online, saw what had happened and for the Jewish community around the world it was one of pain. I called my Rabbi this past week after several months of silence on my end, and told him to let me know if there was anything I could do. He was glad to hear from me, and I'm sorry that I kept disappearing.

My point is, I'm converting because no matter what I say or tell people, this will always keep happening, I will never be safe and I don't want to face it alone, I want to hopefully connect with the community (daunting because ahh I'm autistic so I am. Not good at connecting with other people very well), do what I can. I had read about Jewishness being "sharing the fate of the Jewish people" and I believe that I do, it's been proven time and time again no matter what I say or do.

Anyways that's what's been on my mind. I hope this doesn't come off trying to make this tragedy about me, I'm not good at tone and I'm sorry. I'm bringing this up now because this really... marks the time for me to take this seriously, and I never want to shut the door on this again. I need to be there for the Jewish people in times like this because I've felt what that feels like, even if I don't really understand why.

[xerith-42]

What are your thoughts on Vylad and Hyria’s dynamic?

I think Vylad and Hyria deserve an entire episode that's about them sitting around Hyria's cottage drinking tea. I always imagined Hyria found Vylad when he ran away from O'Khasis after becoming a Shadow Knight. He stumbled into the cursed forest, and though Hyria could tell he had a foul, evil magic in his body, she also saw the tearful face of a young boy taken too early. She sees an innocence that's on the verge of total corruption about to be eaten away at by dark magic.

She sees Araphel. She sees Irene. She sees a poor young boy too scared to admit the truth to himself. She sees her friend Zianna's son who just died crying on the forest floor after he nearly collapsed with exhaustion.

She's reminded of the daughter who just left her out of anger. She sees a second chance.

I think it took both of them a lot of growing pains and adjustment time. Vylad was likely hostile to anyone but Zianna acting as his mother figure, and Hyria was hostile to the idea of actually learning to care for this kid beyond helping him not accidentally kill himself. I think there were a lot of days where they barely said a word to each other, or got in arguments bad enough that Vylad slammed the door, climbed out of the window, and ran off to get lost in the woods knowing that Hyria would drag him back.

But over time they learned to care for one another. They bonded over a shared love and adoration of Zianna. Vylad asked Hyria about herbal blends for healing and maybe helping with Shadow Knight symptoms. Hyria helped Vylad learn other languages from her old ass books because he had a genuine interest. Maybe she taught them the wyvern language.

Also speaking of Zianna, I think she visited Hyria still. I think Hyria told Vylad whenever Zianna was approaching the cottage and covered for their escape. I think Vylad finally opened up to Hyria about how badly the calling has been effecting him after Zianna visited the first time and he ran away. Hyria then did everything she could to help him control it, himself, and restrain them if necessary. Vylad told her to keep them in the forest until he could control the calling, and she did just that.

It was only once Vylad had matured, come into his own as a proper adult and learned to control and cope with this new form he had that Hyria let him go. She never said it directly to him, but one day when Vylad was practicing archery and thievery in the forest, he stumbled out near Nahakra Village. They were allowed to do whatever they wanted, go where they wanted, and when Vylad decided to return to the cottage that had become his home, Hyria let him in.

And whatever prompted her to think it was needed, when Hyria decided the world needed Irene, she knew there was one person she trusted to dictate who needed her the most. She's never called Vylad her son, and he's never called her mom outside of a single slip of the tongue, but they don't need to. That's how she views him, forever and always.

[applejongho]

On gender: sometimes I wonder if I'm actually nonbinary or if I just want to be alt and am doing it to break away from my parents' expectations. It's so frustrating to the point it's caused me partially not to come out to certain people because like. what if I'm wrong? And that sort of implicit disapproval masked as concern is so. It's so hard to confront anyone about it because of how it's framed.

I think the good and bad thing about both gender and identifying with a subculture is that there's not a strict set of rules you must fulfill to "join" either. But that means that you can come and go freely in any if you want to, or stay with one/a few forever. Whichever is more comfortable.

way more under the cut bc i started talking and never stopped 🤠

I can't speak on the nb experience because I've never identified as it or thought I was nb, but I can at least speak on why I'm not nb AND why I resonate with alternative subcultures all the same. I really resonated with alternative subcultures bc of the music and political ideologies but also because growing up I consistently never felt like I fit in with other girls around me. They all presented or acted in ways that just didn't click with me, to the point where I thought something was wrong with me for it. I didn't have the word or the idea that a girl could look like something else, so I dressed like they did bc I thought that's what I was supposed to do as a girl (but also my parents forced gender roles on me so it's not like i had a choice). I didn't get how others could like what they were wearing and feel comfortable in it. But then I started dressing "edgier" (when i got older) and all of a sudden I understood.

But the key here is I didn't ever feel like I wasn't a girl despite not resonating with the girls at school. And I can't exactly articulate that bc gender is so personal but I just know that I felt proud of female accomplishments in history and wanted to follow in their footsteps, I felt a social connection to girls and didn't feel "othered" (besides them liking how they dressed and i didnt), and when nb people started appearing in my life I didn't connect w them in that way or wish to be like them (in the sense like, I didn't want to "present" like them* or say my pronouns were they/them or whatever "precursors" there are to being nb). I've also heard that some nb people before realizing they are nb is they feel uncomfortable when they are indirectly called a girl or boy in a group of afab/amab people by a professor/teacher/adult/whatever saying "hey girls/boys!" and I never had that issue.

* = nb people present in a variety of ways and it's not a one size fits all, I just mean generally if I saw someone with they/them pronouns I wasn't like *kicking my feet* I want that

But like tldr, despite alt subcultures and being nb being similar in the idea that you're breaking society's expectation of [something], I could recognize I felt ok in the broad woman gender box while also feeling not ok in a specific gender presentation box. And that's all easy to say now that i went through my Self Expression Arc but it's a lot of trial and error, soul searching, Thinking, crying, observing others... until you begin to get a semblance of who u might be.

But like back to feeling like you're "faking it," ig something I've learned is that even if you're faking it, that doesn't negate your time labeling as That Thing (ie using certain pronouns and backtracking) and no one that matters will be pissed off that you backtracked. We're all figuring that shit out and if someone wants to be weird about it, whatever lol. Ig my advice is just do whatever you're comfortable with, come out to as many or as few people as you'd like to, and if you still feel Wrong ("they/them doesn't feel right to me anymore") then don't be afraid to try on a new set of pronouns or change up your style a bit. Unfortunately a lot of finding out yourself is just trial and error until something sticks.

I hope my experience/advice helps clear up some things and maybe others can comment too if they want, ie nb people that can fill in the gaps that I can't fill. Much love ❤️

[enderon]

I keep listening to Thorn's 8 hour Sonic Underground retrospective on long car rides, which of course makes me consider what changes I might make in a rewrite. So here's some of the thoughts I have had about what exactly I might change.

- The reason Aleena had to seperate from her children through their childhood is because they each had to come to know and understand the way the people of their kingdom live, so that they can properly bring them together and bridge the gaps. They had to come together as a trio before reuniting with her because they had to learn to connect and lead and succeed on their own so that when the time comes they can stand by her side as equals.

- The Man in the Mask: Periwinkle actually pretends to be the triplet's father, of whom noone has any idea of the wereabouts of since just before the war started. He's actually a porcupine, which in this verse are only really identifiable against hedgehogs by the shape of their face, which is why he wears a mask.

- The triplets' father is Jules, Chuck's brother. 'Bernie' is the nickname he called Aleena.

- Manic has a complicated relationship with adults and parental figures, not really having much experience with them, with the few adults in his life growing up having an element of looking out for themselves first. He tries to play off like he doesnt care much, that thats just what its like in the thieves guild, but it actually bothers him a lot, especially when he finds out about Farrel looking out for him so much and ultimately giving up his life for him. This is why he actually ends up clinging onto the search for Aleena angle more than the other two, wishing desperatly for the mother he has never had. This also ties into his quick protectiveness over Max and his gang (child thieves like himself) and his quickly formed bond with Hip (abandoned child like himself).

- The triplets discovering the truth of their birth and seeking each other is actually caused by a hedgehog hunt. Sonic went against Chuck's orders and went on a dangerous and notable mission on his own, succeeding but accidentally revealing himself to Robotnik. Seeing Sonic, Robotnik is reminded of the prophecy that he thought he was safe from when Aleena and her children disappeared, and in his paranoia he sends orders for every hedgehog in Mobius to be rounded up and roboticozed.

- Lady Windemere is still free, having scared Sonia off with a lie about selling her whereabouts out to Robotnik, in reality just trying to protect her by making her not want to return and making it so she herself cannot be used against Sonia. She acts for the movement in her own ways, often talking down many of the more radical elite to more neutral actions and additudes.

- The triplets all actually met organically at a club before being told about each other. Sonia was playing up on stage when a watching Sonic and Manic are drawn to join her. None of them find out the reality of their birth or the prophecy until they meet and reunite a second time, this time trying to go into hiding during the hedgehog hunt.

- Each of the triplets had a notable interaction with Aleena during their childhood, since she struggled to truly stay away from them: she saved and brought Sonic to Chuck after his foster parents were captured, she saved Sonia when she was captured by rogue rebels for a ransome, she saved a tired and sick Manic from capture when he screwed up a pickpocketing. They all hold their respective experience very dear in their hearts, keeping it as a motivating moment, inspiring them to be heroic and caring and helping people. When they find out about their mother and the prophecy, they still don't know she was the one until they see a picture of her for the first time when meeting Argus.

- It's revealed that Robotnik actually has Jules, that he was the very first Mobian that he roboticized. He uses him as bait in a trap to capture both the triplets and Queen Aleena. This event sparks the first time the triplets ever get to hear their mother's voice, Aleena taking a moment in the proceedings to apologize to her children for everything theyve been through and will continue to struggle with before they're able to reunite. They do get to meet Jules, using the power of their amulets to bring him back to his senses like Argus. The triplets almost get to meet Aleena, but would have to give up their freedom fighter allies to do so, ultimately choosing to save their comrades and allowing their parents to escape together.

- The triplets' combined power can bring back the mind and freewill of a roboticized citizen. Adding in Aleena allows them to fully bring them back to normal. THIS is the big threat of the council of four and why its imperative that none of them get roboticized themselves, because if they do it's all over and Robotnik's influence can never be reversed.

- Aleena's 'instrument' is a microphone and stand that she weilds like a bo staff

- Much like the actual show (in its original airing), the show starts off after the triplets have been together for a time, specifically for a whole year. At the beginning of the show they already have a close bond and dynamic. A few episodes in, a character would comment on their relationship and ask after their childhood together and this would be the point where it is revealed that they didnt actually grow up together.

- Each of the triplets would get their own 2 parter that has a plot focusing on them while also going into their backstory. Each one would also have a situation with another character in the modern plot acting as a parallel/catalyst. (Sonic to Cyrus, Sonia to Mindi, Manic to Max). Sonic's come last necause it is here we find out that HIS actions are what led to the hedgehog hunt that we would have kept hearing about.

- Cyrus being a double agent gets drawn out more. We dont actually learn that he's a double agent until a bit after his initial introduction, once we've had a chance to get emotionally attached to him. The episode where his treachery is revealed is actually the modern day plot to go with Sonic's origin.

[whereallthepoetscometodie]

loneliness is.

loneliness is suffocating. it’s all consuming. it’s the dark figure in the corner of your eye. the familiar man we all see in our dreams. the heaviness in our hearts that drags us down below.

loneliness is a familiar feeling that i can never seem to shake. it’s sitting alone with your thoughts on lunch breaks at school, just waiting for the bell to release your melancholy. it’s the deafening silence and every small creek and crack you hear when you’re home alone. it’s the two empty bedrooms you kept for your daughters who never seem to answer your calls. it’s the sound of the police banging on your door, hoping to tell your widow that you’re fine, while your corpse awaits them in the bedroom upstairs. it’s the tinnitus in your ears after hearing about your parent’s death, the ringing that consumes everything around you until nothing but one thought remains; he died alone.

loneliness is an old friend, showing back up every few years to remind you that it’s all an illusion. that none of it is real. that you’ll always be an outsider. they’ll always see you as different. reminding you that you’ll never be truely human.

loneliness is the messages you can never bring yourself to remember to answer. the invitations you never receive to the parties you’ll never go to. the feeling of sitting in your room at night with only your cat to keep you company while everyone else is out making memories with people you’ll never meet, having experiences you’ll never have.

loneliness is aging quicker than your body. having adults call you mature and sophisticated at the age of seven, when others get to be playful and young. it’s being touched like a woman by a man thrice your age while in the body of a child. it’s never telling his daughter what he did out of fear and confusion of what he did to you. it’s being forced to be a parent to your siblings when you’re still a child yourself, but always being scolded for acting as such. it’s losing your father to the bottle after his sister and mother go to the grave.

loneliness is a diagnosis. it’s getting put on medications you can’t begin to pronounce before you learn to tie your shoelaces. it’s knowing you’re different your whole life but never being told why. it’s seeing the doctor every six months so she can tell your mother how you can change to fit the mould of a “normal” child. it’s hurting yourself to feel anything other than the anxiety that gnaws at your bones. it’s working twice as hard as everyone else just to get where they are and never getting appreciated for it.

loneliness is just a girl, trying desperately hard to make it in a world that was never built for her.

it has a name.

my name.

loneliness is me.

it’s my past and my present, and my fear of it becoming my future.

it’s all i have when the rest of it is gone.

it’s my most basic emotion, the first i learnt to feel.

it’s my destiny and my demise.

loneliness is the home i’ll never escape.

i am lonely.

i’ve been lonely.

i’ll always be lonely.

i will always be alone.

that’s just what loneliness is.

(sup internet, i’m whereallthepoetscometodie, and i’m here to do one thing; post my mediocre poetry/writings for the rest of you to suffer through. i have no idea what i’m actually doing on this hell site so any feedback or support is greatly appreciated. sorry for the super depressing start to my account, this is just a lil something i whipped up while i was feeling depressed lmao. hope y’all at least tolerated it nonetheless.)

[casspurrjoybell-24]

My Mate - Chapter 5 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

"Did you have fun last night?" Mom asked, pulling me away from the book I was reading.

"Yeah," I lied with a smile, something I've gotten good at.

"I wish I had gotten another funnel cake though."

Which was true, I love those things and they're only good when you get one from the fair.

"Good," Mom said happily.

"You should get out of the house more, it's not healthy just sitting around here."

I went back to my book or at least tried to.

Her question had reminded me about how I'd sat on the side of the street for hours until Calvin and Robert finally arrived with two females.

I had to go back to the fair and get a ride home with Dad, who kept glancing my way and frowning the whole twenty minute ride.

I get it, I'm a disappointment.

He must of told Mom and that's why she's questioning me.

"You know Mrs. Tilly is hiring down at the bakery," Mom said, spraying something that smelt like lemons and chemicals before wiping it up with an old rag.

"It wouldn't hurt to get a part time job. You can start saving while you figure out what you want to do after high school."

I hated this conversation more than any other.

The thought of adult responsibilities scared me.

The older I got the more real they became and the more I feared them.

It was even worse because I still had no idea what I was supposed to do.

Everyone around me had goals and plans and all I could think about was just getting out of that brainwashing camp.

Also know as school.

It's weird, when I was a pup there was so many things I wanted to become.

For the longest time I was set on being a princess.

Back then everyone thought it was cute or judged my parents parenting, allowing their son to walk around in a pink princess dress.

My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted to be.

After my princess dress disappeared... I'm pretty sure mom threw it away after finally getting it off me... I wanted to be a lawyer.

No matter that I couldn't look anyone in the eyes without becoming flustered and blushing.

Or the fact that I couldn't have an argument or debate without crying.

They're angry tears, I promise.

Still my parents told me I could be anything.

After all those years... after being told I could be anything... it's become annoyingly clear that I had not a clue as to what I wanted to be.

My grades weren't good enough to become a lawyer or a doctor.

Being a princess was out of the window when I learned I'd actually be a prince.

I didn't really have a solid interest.

It also didn't help that after I hit thirteen everyone started telling me the things I couldn't do.

"You know what, I'm going to go ahead and call her. That job will be perfect for you," Mom said, determination shining in her dark green eyes.

"Mom," I whined, getting up to follow her into the kitchen.

"No, I know you like baking, admit it," She said, pointing her finger at me.

My face warmed but I didn't say anything.

"See," Mom grabbed the house phone and started looking over the numbers sloppily written on the pad hanging on the fridge.

"But Mom... that's only when no ones around," I murmured, twiddling my fingers.

"And this job will help you get out of that shell of yours," she said with that matter-of-fact tone.

I slumped on a bar stool and watched her as she talked on the phone.

She'd just hung up when the front door opened and Calvin walked in wearing the same rumpled clothes he had on yesterday.

"Calvin Carter Frey," Mom yelled, stopping him from going upstairs.

Oh, full name, he's in trouble.

I watched intently, it was a guilty pleasure watching my older brother get in trouble.

"What did I tell you about acting like one of those human man whores?"

Mom stood with her hands on her hips, her eyes hard and narrowed.

The scent on Calvin hit me a little later, my nose weaker than mom's.

Yeah, there was nothing hiding what he'd been up to.

Why didn't he shower before coming home?

Did he have no decency?

Respect for his elders?

Who raised him?

When Calvin didn't respond, Mom looked like she was ready to get dad's leather belt.

The one that hangs on the back of their bedroom door, ready to discipline us no matter how old we got.

"What are you going to do when you find your Mate?"

"I'm an adult having consensual sex with other adults, my Mate is probably out doing the same thing."

Calvin shrugged.

That was one of the things Wolves picked up after mingling with humans for so long.

It use to be seen as one of the biggest sins against the moon Goddess to be with anyone but your Mate.

It was acceptable and almost expected for a wolf to be rejected by their Mate if they shared relations with another.

Some Werewolves were still rejected because of it but it wasn't a common thing anymore.

Mom's old school though and so she always reminds Calvin that what he's doing is wrong.

Mom said a quick prayer to the Moon Goddess, apologizing for her stupid son before sending Calvin to shower.

"Coming into my home smelling like that. Like I didn't raise him," Mom huffed, talking to herself.

"Oh, Sweetie, you got the job," Mom said, kissing my cheek before leaving the kitchen.

I gaped a little.

"You start tomorrow."

[nalanzu]

Weiss Kreuz Episode 6: Fräulein

I remember having the impression at this point in the series that Omi was the most well-adjusted and/or most normal character. Which was a ridiculous assumption, even with only the information available up until this point, because he's significantly younger than the rest of them and also in charge of shit. However! That's not where we are, as this episode starts.

We start with an actual swimming pool full of ice and a girl on a raft on top of it, with a beeping phone - the girl wakes up, answers the phone, and is told that her kidney has been stolen. I can't help but feel this is an attempt for Look How Serious It's Not Just A Bathtub It's A Whole Swimming Pool These People Mean Business. I would like to point out that putting her on top of the ice defeats the purpose of the ice, ok, and also why are they wasting money on a big-ass swimming pool made of ice.

Oh, this is an Aya episode. He sees kidney girl walking down the street and attempts to dash through traffic to catch up to her. Somehow this does not end with him being hit by any cars. We then see him in the hospital with his comatose sister, and I'd forgotten that it was six episodes in that we learned that Aya is his sister's name.

I also vaguely remember that kidney girl was supposed to look a lot like sister!Aya, but this episode has a terrible case of same-face (and is markedly more poorly drawn and animated than the first five episodes), so it's hard to tell that that's what they're going for.

Nonetheless, the plot moves on. Yohji recognizes Manx's shoes, which she finds impressive. The rest of us know that it's the damn socks that give it away.

Kritiker has cottoned on to the organ thievery and are sending Weiss after the criminals. Weiss are all performatively cranky. Aya finds the picture of kidney girl and Manx plays the audio of her call to a radio show (is this how Kritiker figured out about black market organ stealing? Seriously? What the fuck are they doing?), which got a lot of public attention.

Kritiker has, however, figured out that the thieves essentially set up an OR in a truck, so they could keep it mobile and under the radar. The surgeon, in the next scene, gets a call from a Takatori (who is not the same Takatori as Aya has tried to murder and also has the lady assassin team with him) wanting a heart and the other kidney from the previous donor. There is also scalpel licking.

Weiss, meanwhile, has failed to identify a pattern in the movement of the mobile surgical unit. They have also concluded that no one has ever seen the truck. I would like to know how the fuck THEY know there IS a truck if no one has ever seen a truck, but ok. Ok.

The method of investigation apparently involves the adult members of Weiss driving around randomly looking for a suspicious truck. Meanwhile, kidney girl - Sakura - is being stalked by the paparazzi, as she actively sought publicity for her harrowing ordeal and has gotten it in spades. She does not appear happy about this.

Aya, who Sakura presumably does not know, drives up and yells at her to get in the car. I have no idea what could possibly have possessed her to get in the car with a strange man. What the actual fuck is wrong with you, Sakura, I know you're fifteen, but fucking hell, this is goddamn ridiculous.

Sakura not only looks like sister!Aya, but also apparently acts like her. She and Aya end up on a hill, chatting about how Sakura is tired all the time because she's recovering and how she's not to blame for being abducted and assaulted. Aya keeps repeating that he's a florist, which is kind of funny, and then Sakura stands up and strips down to a gym outfit out of fucking nowhere.

What the actual fuck is this story, even, and why are they racing. Well-known high school track star or not, this is - she is now crying because she can't run, but like. Did no one explain the recovery process to you, Sakura, did you not PAY ATTENTION, this is - the spying on teammates has now come to Yohji and Ken watching Aya via binoculars and bitching that he has taken her out on a date.

Their complaint, by the way, is not that Aya is a grown-ass man apparently dating a minor. No. It's that this does not appear to be a valid part of a mission plan. I just. This episode needs to go right in the trash.

Back at headquarters, Omi has determined that once a victim gets one organ stolen, they tend to turn up dead after other organs have been taken in a second kidnapping. This seems incredibly inefficient. I have commentary about matching organs for donation, including cellular markers and compatibility, ok, but we have already given up on this episode.

Weiss goes out to look for Sakura, as she is theoretically now a target. Sakura shows up at the shop, looking for Aya. She has been followed by the paparazzi. Aya plays the bitchy shop assistant to perfection, Yohji closes the shop, and Sakura starts crying and wanting to know what she did wrong.

Omi pulls his flower trick, and tells her that the cheerful sunflower is what she should resemble. Sakura is having none of it, which is the only good part of the episode so far. Aya yells at her to, essentially, man up. She's having none of that either, and bolts. Ken has slept through this entire confrontation, and has done the fewest stupid things this episode so far.

The criminal surgeon is having a joygasm at an illustration of healthy organs. I think this is supposed to increase dramatic tension, but he comes off as a one-note psychopath, so it's not particularly effective. Presumably at some point this man had a job, but he just perpetually cackles and licks his knives and it's very off-putting in a narrative sense.

Meanwhile, Aya has caught up with Sakura. She apologizes for her (extremely reasonable, ok, it is the only not-dumb thing anyone has done in this episode so far, except possibly for Ken oversleeping) reaction to being literally traumatized and is back to being cute and giggly. She buys them ice cream. Aya is nonplussed. Sakura is then kidnapped by some extremely conspicuous men in black cars with black hats, but not before Aya sticks a tracking device on her.

Seriously, though? BROAD DAYLIGHT? A big-ass group of guys in suits in BROAD DAYLIGHT kidnapping a publicly well-known recent kidnapping victim? This is seriously the worst-written episode so far, it doesn't need to shove the bar any farther into the floor, and yet it keeps trying. Also it's trying to create a sense of drama with the dropped ice cream on the ground but I'm just laughing at it.

The mobile surgical truck is located via the tracker on Sakura's clothes. Aya breaks in, dramatically, and steals naked Sakura. Though he does stop to put a sheet on her first, idk. There's a hilarious shot of him holding his katana in his mouth.

The rest of Weiss Appears, having lost track of the truck and the surgeon, and Yohji yells at Aya for his shitty teamwork. This is the second reasonable thing someone has said in this episode. Ken redeems himself slightly for his earlier asininity regarding assuming Aya was trying to bang a 15y/o by appearing with a solid lead on where the surgeon has fucked off to. Which is an airport.

Omi, in drag as a stewardess, escorts the surgeon onto the plane. No other passengers are on the plane. There is cackling from the surgeon about chartering a whole-ass jet, and I want to know where the fuck this money is coming from, but ok. He then gets super cranky that there's no staff on the airplane, up to and including pilots.

Weiss appears behind him, as Aya utters the truly ridiculously melodramatic line, "Sir, this flight is bound for hell." I desperately want to know what happens when the plane doesn't follow its filed flight plan, what happens when it lands and there's a corpse on board and Weiss is impersonating airline staff, who the fuck in Weiss knows how to fly a plane, if they maybe just parachuted out of the plane to get away but that seems incredibly irresponsible and a crashed plane seems like it would lead to casualties, and this is just. The worst, so help me.

The episode isn't going to answer any of these questions, either, because it's going to cut to the flowershop the next day, as Sakura shows up as the shop opens. In her skimpy running outfit. To tell Aya that she's back on the track team. Yohji, stop drooling over teenagers. Ken yells at him for this, which is the fourth reasonable thing anyone has said, and Yohji's like, Well exceptions can be made. Gross, Yohji. Oh my fucking god.

Aya and Sakura share A Moment. This does not redeem the episode in the slightest.

So, to recap, we have the implication of both Aya and Yohji (separately) being Romantically Involved with a teenager, we have the most one-note villain so far, we have 90% one-note characterization of a traumatized teenager as Overcoming Her Trauma Through Toxic Positivity, we have the most ridiculous Aya has been so far, and finally Kritiker and Weiss demonstrating the absolute worst investigative work I have ever seen on television. Oh, and the very conspicuous kidnapping attempt, which like, if the villain has been kidnapping people in this manner the whole time, how the fuck did no one else notice? Ugh.

The worst part of it, though, was Sakura, recent kidnapping victim, recent victim of organ theft, getting in a car with a man she does not know. This is irredeemably stupid. It's not inappropriate for a teenage character in that teenagers do dumb shit, although one would think Sakura would be more wary, given her recent experiences - IF the narrative had acknowledged that this was incredibly poor judgment on her part. It did not. Not even a little. While the audience knows that Aya is not going to assault Sakura, SHE DOES NOT. She asks him if he's from a TV station, which would at least give him a reason to have snatched her out of the crowd, but doesn't seem to be worried in the slightest when he says he's a florist. He has absolutely no reason that she can see for coming for her - for all she knows, he's a crazy-ass stalker who saw her on the news. The narrative doesn't just skate over this, it ignores it completely. I hate this, so much. So, so, so much.

There was that hook regarding The Other Takatori, which wasn't not intriguing, to be fair.

However, as far as our main cast and the guest star goes, we had a grand total four reasonable actions: a teenager responds appropriately to being traumatized (so briefly tho), Yohji yells at Aya for shitty teamwork, Ken does some solid investigative work (which fandom would have you believe he is too dumb to do, come to think of it), and Ken yells at Yohji for trying to hit on said teenager.

Ken, MVP.

[tyrannuspitch]

evening all my hot take of the day is that because simon was cutting his hair to be practical/military under the influence of the mage and dr wellbelove, and baz was cutting his hair to be "elegant" and "traditional" (or later elegant and gnc) under the influence of malcolm and fiona, neither of them were actually impacted by the late 2000s/early 2010s Mandatory Sidefringe. agatha, however,

[deateath]

Ykno what I’m thinking about on this fine day? Sanji. Who is surprised. BUT I was rereading this post by @demonzoro and got to thinking specifically about the “started smoking to make himself seem more mature” thing and how pretending (or being forced by circumstance) to be mature as a child can lead to emotional underdevelopment as an adult.

As an oldest sibling and a former Little Girl with Undiagnosed ADHD™, I was always told I was mature for my age, talked well with adults, was very responsible and self-sufficient, etc. I was by no means forced to be like this, but I understood this was praised behavior so I kept up with it and now look at me lol. So I find myself coming across this problem of emotional maturity occasionally. Emotional maturity is influenced by both your adult mentors and younger peers. And who out of the crew had older siblings, other children as friends, or actual adult figures around who loved them? Most everyone EXCEPT Sanji and Usopp, whose mothers died when they were very young and had almost no other children their age in their life.

BUT TIME OUT: by this logic, am I saying that Luffy is emotionally mature? I guess I am. He’s a goofball and impulsive, sure, but he is the one to bring so many people to these significant moments that realize emotional maturity. He makes Nami ask for help in Arlong Park. He makes Robin say she wants to live. He helps Chopper realize he’s not a monster, and to take a step towards achieving his dream by coming with them. He makes Sanji say what he truly wants and ask for help in Whole Cake AND yells at him at the Baratie (which I mentioned here talking about Sanji’s martyrdom). Not to mention the countless side characters who are inspired by him. OKAY TIME IN.

We clearly see Usopp’s emotional immaturity with his pathological lying and inability to take full responsibility for his mistakes. Though, he wasn’t necessarily robbed of a childhood, he didn’t have figures in his life to teach him about becoming an adult, and his childhood is extended when he didn’t want it to be. He’s not fooling himself, he knows he’s a chicken. And his dream is to become a brave warrior! Usopp’s dream is to leave behind his primary hallmark of emotional immaturity.

Sanji, on the other hand, thinks he’s the epitome of sophisticated manhood, but he is clinging to a childhood he never got to have. We see it when he talks about the All Blue and the way he treats women. Sanji’s dream is to find this fairytale place. And unlike Usopp who as a child lacked adult figures and had plenty of (younger, granted) kids on the island, Sanji lacked other children to be around. His siblings were not normal children, and he spent the whole rest of his youth with grown-ass pirates. To fit in and survive, he had to act mature. But he never learns true maturity. Everything Sanji does is him mimicking how he thinks mature people behave. But he hasn’t learned boundary setting, he hasn’t learned to ask for help, he hasn’t learned to be vulnerable.

(((Also I know Robin had to be mature at a young age as well, but she is 8 years older than the east blue crew so we don’t see her moments of emotional immaturity in the canon storyline. In fact she is likely regarded as the most mature before Jinbe joins. Though one could argue water 7/enies lobby is a demonstration of emotional immaturity from Robin, I think it’s specifically trauma-informed due to the whole Devil Child thing bringing ruin to everyone she ever met until that point. Also Spandam is there and his connection to Ohara/threat of buster call is a bfd. Fic ideas for Robin in her late teens/early twenties struggling with emotions anyone…?)))

————————

Anyway. There’s a point in here somewhere. Sanji is prepared to spend his entire adult life to find this childish fantasy. It could be said that both Usopp and Sanji’s dreams are to obtain what they never had. But the key difference is Usopp is searching for emotional maturity, bravery, because he knows he needs it. Sanji is searching for the childhood he never got and he doesn’t realize he’s missing it.

[thenovelartist]

Boys as Dads - Tears of Themis Headcanons

I've been sitting on this for days, writing it after @luke-appreciator mentioned the boys as dads and henceforth planting the idea in my mind.

Luke

LOOK! Luke is living past his three year “time limit” goshdarnit! He gets to see his kids grow up!

And he has several of them with his MC (I’m thinking four or five.)

They were all mostly planned. (They were just rolling with however many they were blessed with until they decided to stop.)

When his first child was born, he cried. He didn’t think he’d get this opportunity, but now he’s a dad and feels overwhelmed by the blessing.

He is as involved in his kids’ lives as he possibly can be.

He’s the dad that will teach his kids how to fix everything.

Totally the hands-on dad of wrestling and headlocks and ruffling their hair.

Yes, even his girls, but in a slightly different context. Uses those moments to teach them self-defense. (Yes, he’ll do that to his boys, but he’s more concerned about his girls.)

That said, he’s very protective of his kids and wants to give them all the knowledge he can to make sure they can keep themselves safe.

Will try to get his kids into Sherlock Holmes.

One of his kids is named John after John Watson. It was actually MC’s idea, much to Luke’s surprise and delight.

When he’s away on mission (which already makes him sad because he doesn’t like being away from his precious family), he hates it when he has to go full dark mode. Because he’d at least like to call them and tell them good night if he can’t be there.

The king of pictures.

There are cameras scattered throughout the house so he can easily steal a picture whenever he wants to.

Will put together scrapbooks upon scrapbooks of photographs for all kinds of events. The kids get in on these activities, and it has become a bit of a family event to arrange the pages together.

Not a day goes by he takes for granted. Does not matter if he’s cleaning up diapers or one of his kids is sick or he’s having to do damage control when something gets out of hand. He cherishes all of it.

Vyn

I see Vyn having one or two. Both were totally planned.

Mostly, he just sees children as patients, but now, he’s got two children he actually raises.

And the moment his first child is placed into his arms, he realizes with sickening clarity that his actions have a direct impact on their lives.

While he knew that beforehand, there was a moment it clicked, and Vyn felt himself change that day.

He strives to be the best father he can, minding everything he does to lead by example.

He didn’t have the greatest childhood, meaning he does everything he can to make sure his kids never have to experience the things he wished never happened to him.

He’s a bit of a helicopter parent despite knowing he needs to not be. All he wants to do is protect his kids, is that so wrong?

However, because of that, he happens to understand and sympathize with parents more now. His kids wrecked him in ways he didn’t think possible.

It’s a bit of a learning experience for him to allow his kids to learn on their own. He knows so much and wants to just tell them everything they need to know, but realizes that he can’t do that. He has to let them learn and grow in their own ways.

He wants to give his kids the best, from quality schooling to extracurricular activities. But he’s also is more than happy to teach them their way around the kitchen and garden as well as play games and do puzzles with them.

Also really enjoys reading them books at bedtime. A habit that will linger around for surprisingly long while.

He’s the dad that is glad to help with homework whenever they need it.

Always offers to listen to them and talk them through things. It would be pretty shameful if the psychiatrist couldn’t help guide his own kids through their own mental hurdles.

And he knows he did something right because his kids are comfortable talking with him about a lot of things, even in their teenage and young adult years.

Ends up the dad who has the best life advice that his kids eventually learn to always listen to even if they don’t appreciate it when they’re younger.

Artem

Ends up with a large family, both adopting and raising his own.

Probably two of their own, and two or three (or four… maybe five) adopted.

The kids they had were planned; the ones they adopted… not always. It tended to be a “this one grew on you unexpectedly” situation.

Loves all his kids equally, whether they’re his own or adopted.

Super supportive dad. Probably spoils his kids in praise and hugs.

That being said, he won’t coddle them. He’s all for supporting them, but knows when to allow his kids face the negative consequences of their actions. He’s an attorney, after all. This is his “justice” side showing.

But he’s fair. He will guide them the best he can but will let experience be the teacher if he needs to. And if experience is the cruel teacher of the day, he’ll be there, whether to pick them up, dust them off, and offer hugs or to talk them through how to best navigate the consequences and avoid the situation next time.

His schedule revolves around any and all events in his kids’ lives. Which, considering the size of his family, is a balancing act.

Days off are sacred. That is his time to spend with his family.

Nightly family dinners are a big thing in the Wing household. Game nights on weekends are even bigger. And louder.

He’s the dad that can go from tutus and tea parties to action figures and lego sets. Whatever his kids are up for, he’ll gladly participate.

Every year, for each kid’s birthday, will spend one-on-one time with them and do whatever they want to do for an entire day. With a big family, especially with the adopted ones, he knows it might be easy to feel lost in the crowd and doesn’t want any of his kids thinking that.

Once a year, they go on a week-long vacation somewhere in nature. No phones, no technology; this is family bonding time and time for kids to just run around and be kids.

All in all, grade A dad.

Marius

Ends up with two or three.

The first one was a surprise, and likely one more after that was not planned, either.

But the moment he holds his first child, a switch goes off in his mind and Marius matures, knowing he’s got not only his girl to protect and keep safe but now a helpless little one who’s wholly dependent upon him.

He’s probably the second most hover-y of the boys behind Vyn. And that’s less because he’s a helicopter parent and more because he knows he’s a target for people and is very concerned for his kids’ safety. So he’s hypervigilant of everything, including what school they go to, who they’re friends with, where they go, etc.

Their house… oh my…

He’s an artist, and he will inspire that in his kids. There’s paint, stickers, crayons, and markers freaking everywhere.

Oh, and art taped to practically every wall. And a few in his office.

Marks every major event down on a calendar. His assistant knows there will be hell to pay if there’s a scheduling mishap.

Never let him help with homework (unless it’s art). Because he’s the guy who will teach his kids the smartass answers to some questions, even if it gets his kids in trouble.

(Spoiler: his kids never mind and instead pick up his bad habits.)

(Much to MC’s chagrin. Will make Marius go sit in the corner, much to his children’s delight.)

Will put his kids into any extracurricular activities they want growing up.

Totally spoils them in that way.

But the minute they turn into little shits about their wealth? Say good bye to your technology for the next few days. Marius is all about spoiling his kids, but not rotten. Even he hates snotty rich people he has to deal with, and he’s not gonna let his kids be like that.

Loves spending time doing things with his kids. Up for anything from the midday ice creams when mom told them no to spontaneous adventures. Oh yeah, he’s that dad.

[tooruluv]

Katsuki Bakugou x F!Reader ( part 1 )

❝ ...and then there’s you. ❞

description: you and bakugou have hated each other since childhood. through the constant bickering, fighting, and actual fist fights... you had no idea that you had been writing to him.

genre: angst, soulmate au where you have a notebook that you can write to your soulmate in

word count: 3.8k

warnings/notes: strong language, lots of angst, aged up characters, bakugou being bakugou, reader has an air manipulation quirk created as part 1 of 3 for my winner of my tooruluv2kparty contest @katsulovee​ <33

teaser | part 2

| masterlist

“ ‘cause when the sun goes down, someone’s talking back ” - talking to the moon, bruno mars

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

The storm only escalated, casting the sky in deep blues and greys. Loud rain clattered against the roof of your apartment building, the ceiling of your top floor apartment being the only thing that separated you from the pour. 

The rain may be cold, but you were on fire.

You had been livid all day, positively outraged by the man who seemed to always be in your way. He was the most arrogant, most opinionated, and most… loud-mouthed person you ever met. You were screaming from the inside out, burning with rage.

Groaning, you sprawled out on your bed.

Katsuki Bakugou was the biggest fucking issue on the planet. His absurd need to be the best at everything he did, his cold demeanor and venom that spews from his mouth -- you wanted nothing more than to punch him directly in the throat. 

With a deep breath, you flipped open your Soulmate Journal. 

The world was such a strange place, full of quirks and criminals and heroes and villains. To add on top of that, when you turn thirteen a journal just… appears. And whoever is your soulmate can read everything you write. Once they read it, they can reply or talk to you that way and the ink disappears. There are plenty of rules that go along with it, like if you turn thirteen before your soulmate does, the ink is red until they receive their own journal. Or how the journal itself is indestructible. Or the biggest rule: you cannot write any given name. 

When you’re thirteen, your life is full of hope and wishful thinking. Almost everyone at that age is excited to start writing to their Person, the one who they were supposed to be created to be with. You were surprised when you opened yours to find nothing written.

You assumed that you were a bit older than your soulmate, but that was quickly shut down as you wrote in black ink. Your soulmate hadn’t written anything. 

It took two months for him to write back. Two months of your excessive writing and nearly diary-like entries. Two months of you wondering if they would ever write back. Until he did.

Today sucked.

That was all you wrote, your past two months of writing still ever present and glaring at you with smudges and hinted annoyance. The ink started to fade like Harry talking to Tom Riddle, reappearing with new handwriting.

It was scrawled across the page with terrible handwriting, very much one of a middle school boy. 

Life sucks. Deal with it.

You were now twenty two, an adult and that once hope and love has turned into pessimism and indifference. And life still sucked. 

You were pretty famous, your air manipulation quirk one that catches a lot of attention. That, alongside your rivalry with the second most famous hero Bakugou, brought an abundance of recognition. Bakugou completely steals your thunder every chance he has, stealing your light and victories. 

You hated him. With the utmost disrespect, you hated him. Since your days in the hero academy, the two of you were at each other’s throats. He would even stop in the middle of antagonizing Deku to make some horrendous comment towards you instead. 

You ended up scribbling along the Soulmate Pages, heated rage boiling with each word.

Hey Honey! I need to vent if that’s okay.

Of course.

You would not believe the shit I have to endure in real life. I wish I could describe the hatred I have for this man I work with, he’s a real piece of shit. Anyway, how was your day?

My day was about the same as yours, living with the idiots of real life. If we could write names I would because there’s this bitch I work with that I fucking hate.

Maybe we need new jobs (insert laughing face even though I’m livid right now)

Yeah. Maybe. But we’ll get through it.

It took years for your soulmate to warm up to you. The first interactions were hesitant, slow, and barely considered conversations. But now you can discuss your day as if you were texting a friend, talk about your likes and dislikes. 

He was your soulmate after all.

You learned that he was a boy and an only kid, he had a strong quirk, and that he liked ramen. He was a rule follower and his handwriting always used proper punctuation. You told him all about your life and how you wanted to travel away from everything.

You wanted to know who he was, more than anything. 

You wished you could tell him your name and quirk, where you lived and who you were. You wished he could do the same. 

You’ve tried, of course, to write out your name and location. But the second the words were written onto the page, they turned into a random assortment of letters. Gibberish. Never to be written, never to be known.

“Dude, fucking relax!” You rubbed your temple at your desk, voice spitting venom against Bakugou’s loud vocals. “Not everything is about you, just sit down and wait to be sent on a mission.”

“What did you say to me?”

Katsuki Bakugou had been going on and on about how Deku got assigned to a mission in upper Japan, sent to work with a separate force for a bit to expand his horizon. He was outraged, yelling and standing tall and broad to pretend to be bigger than he was. 

You were doing paperwork, trying to concentrate despite his yelling and complaining and bitching. You were hovering above your seat with your legs crossed, papers scattered (it was a habit of yours, to just kind of hover a couple of inches off the surface of things; air manipulation and all that). 

“I said,” You turned to look into his ablaze eyes. “Sit down and wait. Not everything is about you.”

You only threw fuel into his fire, you could hear the sparking between his fingers. You turned back to your paperwork. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not even in the top five heroes.” Bakugou barked in your direction. You could feel his heat as he approached your desk. “You can sit and do your own paperwork all you want! I need to be put on serious cases, just like stupid Deku is always placed on.”

“You can argue with me all you want.” You moved to continue your work, pretending to be unbothered. You could feel the anger boil in your chest. “But you still are and will always be measly little number two. Now shut the fuck up, you’re interrupting those who are actually working.”

He was going to hit you, you knew he was. You two ended up fist fighting all the time, oxygen and explosions ending in destruction. Before he could, your boss walked in with a bellowing, “Bakugou! Get over here, I have something for your loud ass!”

You decided to give him a bored middle finger as he walked away.

They say that words are the way of life. You could say an infinite amount of words and sentences in your lifespan, you could say a word and only ever say it one time. Each assortment of words are different each time, something new every day. 

You figured that’s why you hated the soulmate thing. 

Finding your soulmate should be one of chance, of pure coincidence and meeting of strangers. With the journal, you are starting something you only hope to find. You could go your whole life without finding your soulmate.

And that is terrifying.

There are horror stories of writing to an endless notebook, sad movies created where the lettering turns back to red before they’ve found each other. You wanted nothing more than to meet and just… be with the man you’ve been writing to since you were thirteen.

It seemed to be some sick joke, a tease in the palm of your hands.

When you were young, you attended UA High. It was meant to be the best school for heroes, grooming them into the best of the best. Both of your parents had been heroes themselves, your mom with a cloud quirk and your dad with wings. You took after a bit of both, no wings and no clouds but could create air currents and manipulate the air surrounding you within a certain radius. It has something to do with your breath and lungs, but you never looked too much into the actual DNA aspect. 

When you arrived in the hero program, you passed the tests with ease. You tried to focus mainly on yourself and gaining your own points, alongside a couple of students with the same idea. 

You were pissed when you were placed in 1-B instead of 1-A. It was the start of your rivalry with the explosion boy. 

Luckily, you quickly gained friends. You actually seemed to have a soft spot for Hitoshi Shinsou, and you and Itsuka Kendou seemed to be the only two with brains (this led to many conversations resulting in shit talking and giggling). So in the end, you weren’t too upset to be placed in the second best class. 

And you did get to fight with Bakugou a lot more without punishment, your professor wanting to be number one as much as anyone else. 

One particular day that you remember to this day, one that really labeled your hatred for Bakuogu, was just a normal day at first. You were finished with your normal morning classes and just beginning the hero portion of the day, the training and fighting. 

Your class was working with Class 1-A for the day, teaming up with one of their students and seeing how your quirks would act both against and with each other.

You were, of course, teamed with Bakugou.

The fucker was already set in his ways, loud and in need of attention at all times. You were well aware of his… loud personality… at that point, being beside Shinsou when he called your class “extras”. He was already someone you wanted nothing to do with. 

“Good luck.” Kendou muttered to you when your names were announced as partners. “See ya.”

The second you headed to him, you could feel his apprehension. He wanted nothing to do with you. And you wanted nothing to do with him. In fact, you were hoping for Uraraka as your partner, wanting to see how your air manipulation would work with her gravity. 

Apparently the professors wanted to see the oxygen working with the burst of flames. Which, honestly, is cool yes — but it was the person behind the explosions that you did not want to be a part of.

Bakugou was not one to mumble under his breath. 

“Why am I paired with you?” He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. “I could at least be with someone interesting like Mind Control over there.”

You already wanted to punch him. “You’ve obviously never seen my quirk.”

“Clearly it hasn’t been interesting enough to be worth my attention.”

“Say that again when I remove the oxygen straight from your lungs.” You threatened, knowing damn well you didn’t know how to do that yet. “Let’s just get this over with.”

He let out a long exhale, moving into position. You were already flying by the time he let off his first explosion.

His utter disrespect for you and your quirk not only irritated you, but only was the start of a long term competition on Who Can Be Better Than Who that lasted the rest of your time at UA.

Through the constant loud arguments, the yelling in the cafeteria and the comments just loud enough for the other to hear, the fist fights and the swearing that was reserved only for each other, you found comfort in talking to your soulmate. It was relaxing after a long day of pure annoyance and shit talking to finally just get to have normal conversations with someone you enjoy. 

Are we allowed to ask about school in this thing?

I don’t think so.

I’m sighing. Pretend that you could hear my sigh.

Wow, that was a loud sigh.

YOU’RE FUNNY! Anyway, I really want to know if we go to school together :(((

I don’t even think we can talk about JRTPD or BO::SOMD. See, they turn into gibberish.

 I mean… we can say school. So we can ask ABOUT school just not… specific schools. 

That’s true. I go to a special school and am the best in my class. You’re getting lucky by having me as a soulmate.

Well I would only hope so. Need a smart soulmate for fun facts.

Fun fact: you’re pretty cool. I guess.

Ah, the admission of your love for me.

Not love. I don’t hate talking to you if that does anything for you.

The one person you don’t hate. I’ll take it, Soulmate.

Don’t push it.

We should give each other nicknames. Since we can’t call each other by our real names.

Does the book allow it?

My parents did it before they found each other.

Okay. Like what?

I can call you Hot Head, because you’re hot and because you are always writing about how mad you are.

No.

I can always go with something cute like Honey.

This is gross. I was thinking like gamer tag nicknames.

Okay, Honey.

I take back what I said, asshole.

Honey and Asshole. The perfect pair. We could solve crimes!

I’m going to bed now.

Goodnight Honey ♡ I know that you aren’t reading these but you will in the morning. Dork.

“Do you know who your soulmate is?” You asked.

You were hanging out with Kendou, Monoma, and Shinsou in Kendou’s bedroom. The dorm rooms were all set up the exact same way, but for some reason Kendou’s always seemed to be bigger. 

“No idea.” Monoma shrugged. “I don’t think I want to know until I’m older, we’re too young and I want to focus on graduating first.”

“He’s right.” Kendou twisted in her position on her bed. “Why? Do you want to know who yours is?”

“I want to know more than anything.” You sighed. Your head was laid across Shinsou’s lap on the floor. “We get along so well and I try to talk to him every day.”

“How do you know it’s a he?”

“He told me.” You laughed. “We tried really hard to narrow it down as much as possible.”

“It sounds like he wants to know you too.” Kendou said. She giggled. “I should ask my soulmate their gender.”

“What about you, Shinsou?”

“I barely write to mine.” He shrugged, making your head tilt a little. “I’m sure they understand.”

“I’m sure they do, they were made to be yours.” You looked up at him with a smile. “Of everyone, I thought you would write the most.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because most people are scared to talk to you in real life.”

He flicked your forehead. “You aren’t scared to talk to me.”

“I’m not scared to talk to anyone.”

“I’ve noticed.”

You sighed and closed your Soulmate Journal, the rain now casting a dark shadow across the entirety of the sky. Your face was flushed in red, hair disheveled and you were still in your hero uniform, dirty and kind of burnt. 

Katsuki Bakugou had not only interrupted your victory, but he had claimed it as his own. His desperation to be the number one hero hadn’t stopped. It’s been years, you’ve grown past his stupid desire and he simply… hasn’t.

You fought the villain yourself, using your quirk to it’s full capabilities and trapping them in a circle of air. You fought for over an hour by yourself, taking up the mission while out and witnessing it first hand. Your freshly bought coffee was long forgotten as you raced after the thief.

The second you landed the thief, the ball of air dissipating as you grew tired, Bakugou arrived in a fiery feat and handcuffed the villain. Of course, the main photos were of him with the handcuffs, standing proud as if he hadn’t stolen your fight. 

His argument was that he did help. Yeah, he did ‒ for three seconds.

Katsuki Bakugou was a piss stain upon himself, truly the worst of the worst who’s own personal interest outweighs anything else in his life. He will never be anything but second best because he never thinks of anyone but himself. 

If only he could read thoughts instead of turning his sweat to ignition. Then you wouldn’t have to put your harsh thoughts into tone.

Your Soulmate was one of two people you genuinely enjoyed talking to, he always seemed to be on the same page as you. The other is Shinsou, from your high school. He was the only one you really kept in contact with.

Sometimes you like to convince yourself that Shinsou is your soulmate, since he hasn’t found his either. But you compared the handwriting and it didn’t match at all. Shinsou’s handwriting was much smaller and neater than the man you would eventually call yours.

“This is so fucking stupid!” You screamed, your rage reaching its max.

You threw your journal across your bedroom, the storm masking the sound of it banging against the wall by your bed. You were pissed, you wanted nothing more than to see Bakugou’s downfall. It’s been years. You were over it.

You were over it all. You were over him, you were over not knowing your soulmate, you were over being alone in your stupid apartment. It all reached it’s apex. Maybe you needed a shower, or maybe you needed to move from your job.

Your fit was interrupted by a loud crash on the roof of your apartment building. You nearly jumped at the sound, the sound not even close to the crashes of thunder. 

You rushed to the roof, your hero senses kicking in more than your regular carefulness. Once you were outside, you were almost instantly drenched in the rain. Only a couple of yards ahead of you was a man crumbled to the ground; they must’ve hit the roof harder than you thought.

When they turned, clutching their side, you knew instantly who it was.

“Deku?” You rushed towards him. “I thought you were in Hirosaki for some serious villain.”

He moved to stand, much taller and broad than he was back in high school. Yet still with the fluffy green hair and bright eyes with hope always seemingly sewed in. 

“I was. I just… I need your help.”

“Why do you need my help?” You helped him stand fully, taking his hand from his side to check for an injury. He wasn’t bleeding. “Doesn’t Uraraka live around here?”

“I don’t… want to involve her in this.” He stood straight. His healing must’ve started. “I… this is something I need you for.”

“Okay…” You crossed your arms. “What do you need?”

“I know what you’re going to say.” Deku started, and you didn’t move. “But it’s Bakugou.”

“No.”

“C’mon, Aero, I know that you two…”

“No.”

“Please, I…”

“Deku, you know more than anyone how and who he is. Whatever it is, he can deal with it himself.” You started back towards the stairs. “I appreciate you coming to me, for whatever reason, but this is something that you have to find someone else for.”

“Don’t think of this as us doing something for him.” Deku rushed to stand in front of you. “Think of it as a favor for me. You owe me one.”

“Don’t do this now.” 

“I’m officially cashing in my favor.”

You sighed, “Fine. Can you at least tell me what we need to do for the asshole?”

“I’ll tell you on the way.” He nearly jumped in joy. “But you cannot tell anyone. Not Shinsou, not the police, and not our boss. This is under the radar.”

“Oh, shit.” You followed him as you flew next to him. “What are you getting me into?”

tag list: @katsulovee @paradisebabey @seaofemptygold @zhaixiaowen @daylghits @haikyuusimp91 @darknessyournewfriend @samwise-though @liaxxx109

[phoenixyfriend]

For your suddenly omegaverse au what exactly happened? Like I think obiwan and Anakin hop over from cannon verse to omegaverse but I am unclear on if there already existed obiwan and Anakin in omegaverse. Did they die early or do they just not exist or are they just not force sensitive and therefore not a part of the order? Is there still a sith conspiracy around Anakin?

Context: Original Post, Surrogacy, Worldbuilding, Obi-Mom, Soap Operas

So, from the original post:

There is no preexisting Anakin in the Omegaverse

Obi-Wan and Anakin just straight up don’t exist until they drop headfirst into the council room, already covered in blood.

To clarify: There has never been an Anakin Skywalker in this AU. There has never been an Obi-Wan Kenobi.

They don't know this for sure when they land in the AU, though. All they know is that the Jedi have no record of either of them. They figure, well, maybe they just got lost in the shuffle. Anakin wasn't found until he was nine, after all, and that was only by great coincidence.

The rest of this post has almost no mention of the omegaverse elements, FYI.

Warning: References to the Tusken massacre, explicit sedation and isolation of a mentally unstable individual threatening violence.

I don’t want to make light of institutionalization and involuntary holds, but Anakin is a character with a history of violence talking about repeating such an act, and that’s... a bit of an extreme case.

------

It's not that hard to convince the Temple to let them run a mission that lets them stop by Tatooine or Stewjon. Anakin cares a lot more, so Tatooine it is! Obi-Wan can tell there's something sketchy going on with Anakin's particular anxiety about this, but he rolls with it. Anakin was very specific about the timing for some reasons, and at this point, it's easier to just let it all play through.

They go well after the whole “congrats, you’re omegas... somehow,” thing has happened, a month or so before Geonosis would have happened. Obi-Wan has managed to help the council sabotage and delay the Separatist side of the war enough that they’ve gained... maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months. Just a little more time to keep a few more people alive. Nobody’s reached out to Kamino yet, and Jango isn’t staging a failed assassination to draw someone in, either. They’ve bought enough time for Anakin to spend his vacation time checking in on his mom seeing if he exists here, and Obi-Wan can go with him.

They get to Tatooine. They wander about, and Anakin doesn't actually explain where they're going, but takes them straight to where the Lars farm is. Obi-Wan lets Anakin tell him that it was the Force that led him to the right area. Anakin can sense that his mom is in there, and Obi-Wan chalks up the relief from his former padawan to 'she's here and we don't have to look for her.'

Anakin is... panicking. Just a bit. What if he shows up and it turns out this reality's Anakin is off doing something completely unrelated and she realizes he's the wrong person? Or what if she doesn't recognize him and he calls her Mom anyway? What if he fucks up and says something stupid or just starts crying on her? She'll think he's insane.

Obi-Wan... takes over.

Anakin stays hidden, listening. Obi-Wan knocks on the door, and asks if there's a 'Shmi Skywalker' in residence. Someone in town mentioned her. He explains that he has a young friend of about twenty years--they're not sure, exactly, because the friend doesn't know his own birthday, but it's about there--who happens to be a Skywalker, and they're trying to see if they can reconnect him with a parent. They don't have much to go off of other than the surname... the Shmi that lives here wouldn't happen to have ever had any children about that age?

No. She hasn't had any children of her own blood, actually, her only child is her stepson, but she'd be happy to meet this other Skywalker, if he's in the area. It's always nice to find family, and connecting with those that were separated from you is a big deal on Tatooine. She's not going to look a gift bantha in the mouth.

(Cliegg, dear, put down the rifle.)

Obi-Wan promises to let his friend know, bids them goodbye, and goes to find Anakin.

Anakin is having a bit of a breakdown.

As one does.

Anakin insists that they stick around for a bit, that they do what they can to protect the farm, because that's his mom, even if she's not really his mom, and Obi-Wan can tell there's a Lot Going On here. He assumes it's because Anakin's upset his mom doesn't know him, which is a little irrational on account of their two options being "Anakin doesn't exist (and so Shmi doesn't know him)" and "Anakin does exist (but Shmi doesn't know this Anakin, so she still doesn't know him)," but Anakin's not a very rational person.

Obi-Wan thinks tamping down the current crisis is probably a little more important than chastising Anakin's attachment issues, mostly because Anakin's hands are shaking, and he's looking a little wild-eyed, and like. Obi-Wan's not great at dealing with Anakin's many and varied emotions, but he's learned at some point when it's best to just... roll with it Until There's Less Risk of Stab or Sobbing Laughter.

He helps figure out some minor fuckery with the Force to hide the family in the homestead behind them from visitors, and to warn them to hide when someone comes by. It’s not a lot--mostly just meditating and asking the Force for a helping hand--but it’s nice.

Except, well, Anakin keeps fidgeting. He keeps panicking. He has them coming back almost daily for a week, always too scared to talk to his mom but insistent on protecting her, and always looking at the calendar. Obi-Wan wants to get back to the Temple, but whatever the actual hell is going on with Anakin is too big to just ignored.

A specific day comes and goes. Anakin is a mess of jitters and nerves, and finally Obi-Wan asks just the wrong (right?) question, and... they visit Shmi.

Anakin says they can talk later, he just wants to see his mom One Last Time.

(Obi-Wan is getting more and more worried, but he sits through the incredibly awkward meeting between Anakin and his alt-universe mom, watches as Anakin has no idea what to say and almost cries, and Shmi just kind of lets him do that and Beru--a sweet girl, Obi-Wan thinks, and very practical--tells him that this is all very normal for reunited slaves.)

(Obi-Wan wonders if maybe there’s some stuff Anakin never told him about how being a slave affected him.)

(Obi-Wan had thought they’d moved past most of this, but..)

The meeting ends. There’s hugging.

They get back to the ship, and Obi-Wan gets to watch Anakin fall apart. Obi-Wan gets to watch Anakin cry and scream into a pillow, hyperventilate and nearly punch a hole in the wall as he rages about how it was all for nothing! Obi-Wan gets to watch Anakin break into a million pieces in a way he’s never seen before.

Obi-Wan gets a confession.

Anakin tells him about the Tuskens.

It’s not an easy conversation. It’s not a short conversation, either. Anakin’s full of pain and misery and rising guilt, talks about how he’s been asking himself if it would be easier to keep his mother safe if he just killed them all now, except Obi-Wan would know, and be disappointed, and sure the Chancellor had said that they were little more than rabid animals, but Anakin doesn’t think he can kill the younglings again when his mom is still fine, and--

Obi-Wan sedates him.

He wants to say that he’s not proud of this, but... Anakin isn’t well. Anakin isn’t well in a way that is currently, specifically, revolving around doing extreme violence. Anakin is talking about going out and committing a slaughter as preventative maintenance.

Anakin stays sedated until they get back to the Temple, and he’s put in Force-suppressant cuffs--Obi-Wan quietly tells them to use something that can’t be sliced or taken apart by a droid specialist, and to avoid collars because Anakin was a slave for nearly a decade, and has a lot of traumatic associations--and in an isolated room.

It’s not a cell. Not technically.

He can’t just leave, though.

Obi-Wan hates himself for it, just a little. He doesn’t want to be doing this, not to his padawan, his brother, his son, but... a massacre. Even the younglings, he’d said.

(“He said he didn’t think he could do it again,” Obi-Wan mutters, half to himself and half to the mind healer that asks for his rundown of the situation. “I think he knows it was wrong, but...”)

(But he still did it, of course.)

It’s... better than Obi-Wan feared, but worse than he hoped.

Anakin is emotionally unstable. He has been, for a long time, but he’s usually functional. When the mind healer isn’t directly poking at his worst wounds, Anakin can more or less pass for... not okay, necessarily, but no worse than anyone else in the war had. He can say the right words. He can do a joint meditation. He can talk about philosophy the way a Knight that’s taken all the right classes does.

But part of Anakin still holds to the idea that the Tuskens deserved to die.

“This is my fault,” Obi-Wan whispers, more than once, resting his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. “I should have...”

“He was an adult,” says Mace, who isn’t Mace, not the one that Obi-Wan knows, but a newer friend, one that’s still figuring how to act around him. “Young, but still an adult. He made that choice.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t answer. Things aren’t that simple.

“The timing can’t have been a coincidence,” Obi-Wan mutters to himself, later on, but in the same spot, and the same position.

The Quinlan of this universe shrugs. He knows Obi-Wan better than most, right now. Psychometry’s helpful that way, and sharing Obi-Wan’s heat hadn’t hurt. “Seems likely. You said Sith were involved and setting traps, and a kid like yours, with that much power and trauma... ripe for the molding.”

Obi-Wan whines, and then catches the noise and stuffs it back down, locks it up tight with the other ‘instinct’ things he doesn’t like to think about having. The sound already has Quinlan shifting closer, and the smell is... intended to be comforting, he thinks. Reacting to his own distress, which he’s probably just pumping out right now, because he still doesn’t know how to--

“Can I help?” Quinlan asks, and Obi-Wan lets him.

Someone gets through to Anakin, maybe, or he just lets himself be ground down, or Obi-Wan’s entreaties that he can’t teach Ahsoka until he understands his crimes get through. He won’t be trusted around the clones until the Jedi can trust him to do the right thing, they inform him.

“I wouldn’t hurt the clones.”

“Nobody’s going to believe that until you understand your crimes and truly, actually feel remorse for them.”

There wasn’t a crime, technically. Not in this universe. That tribe is still alive, here, unknowing of the fate they escaped by dint of Anakin talking himself down from committing another slaughter.

(He tells the mind healer it’s because Obi-Wan was there.)

(He might have done it, he says, if he hadn’t thought Obi-Wan would be disappointed in him.)

(He says it like it’s a foregone conclusion, that Obi-Wan’s opinion is worth more than the horror of what he might become.)

“We’re going to keep an eye on anyone talking to Palpatine,” Shaak tells him one day, after Anakin’s been mental instability hold for two weeks. “We don’t know for sure how far the similarities extend from your universe to ours, but given everything else you’ve been right about...”

“That bad?” Obi-Wan asks.

Shaak grimaces, fangs glinting in the light. “I want to believe we’d have never allowed a child into such a position, but I can’t know what political leverage may have been used in your dimension... whatever reason was had to put Skywalker in those rooms, we know the consequences now--”

“What did he do to my padawan?” Obi-Wan demands, because Anakin won’t even tell him that. Anakin hasn’t mentioned Palpatine since they left Tatooine. Not to Obi-Wan.

“Nothing physical,” Shaak manages. “But the lies he told and the suggestions he planted... it’s good they haven’t met again yet in this life. We’ll all be keeping them far apart.”

He wants to take solace in that. “Why do you know before I do?”

“Skywalker values your opinion,” she says. “Only yours. He doesn’t want you more disappointed in him than you already are, so much of what is relayed to the council as a matter of security goes no further, but this was deemed necessary to share. He agreed to it, if you worried we’d broken his confidence.”

Anakin’s therapy would normally be entirely private.

Anakin’s therapy would normally not be in response to confessions of mass slaughter.

He hasn’t asked to be let out, which Obi-Wan hopes is a sign that he realizes at least subconsciously that he was in the wrong. The mind healer says he could have been released under watch by a Master probably a day or two after he arrived, but seems to be drawing some kind of comfort in knowing he couldn’t hurt someone even if he tried.

Obi-Wan is Anakin’s emergency contact. His next of kin. His healthcare proxy. Anakin has a right to privacy, minor as it is in such a situation, and everyone recognizes and treats him as an adult, but... Obi-Wan learns as much from the mind-healer as he would have back when Anakin was actually a child.

“He trusts you to make the right decisions,” the mind healer tells him, careful and unassuming. “He has... a lot of conflicting opinions about many things, including the order, the coming war, the nature of human reproductive dynamics, the Code... but he seems keen on the idea that you are his best reference on morality and ethics.”

Oh, good, more horrifying responsibility.

“He’s better,” the mind healer tells him. “I want to get him out of here before he starts going stir crazy while still relying on the perceived safety as a crutch for his mental health. And he--”

“He’ll be staying with me,” Obi-Wan says, heavy as anything. “I know.”

“Well... there’s a war coming,” the mind healer says. She offers a thin smile when he looks at her. “I don’t want him going out, but it makes him feel useful, gives him a direction for the aggression, and... the Council is adamant that we’ll need him as much as we need you.”

It’s true.

“Did he tell you why everyone called him the Hero With No Fear?”

“No.”

“Ask him.”

[oscar-delancey]

I was wondering what your take on the Delancey's backstory was!

You just unlocked a whole can of worms my guy (I'm also gonna do more than the backstory I wanna share all my takes sorry anon 💔)

To preface, I strictly follow the canon for the movie and the broadway performance. I do not include cut scripts or the jr musical. I choose not to use them for source and therefore will not acknowledge them here

Backstory

Alright so the Delancey brothers were teenagers/not official adults during the time of the strike. Like around Jack's age you could say (Oscar was 17 and Morris was 19) (Note that at the time of the strike/1899, being under 21 was considered being a minor/kid. This did not change until 1971 when the 26th amendment was passed and declared the voting age and therefore the age of being an adult as 18 years old. We see further proof of this being true to the world of Newsies in the movie when Jack is to be sent to the Refuge (a child prison I must specify) until he is 21)

The brothers were canonically abandoned at a young age according the Anthony Norman, and I like the idea of that applying to the movie as well. In my interpretation, their parents abandoned them when they were VERY young (4 and 6 years old respectively) and they were forced to grow up in the Refuge

Growing up in the Refuge is a huge reason for why the brothers act the way they do. It began the process of them learning harmful behaviors and habits which would follow them into their teenage years and possibly even adulthood. Some of these things include theft and physically attacking other children

^^ I would like you to note I specified children. More likely than not there were a lot of girls who lived in the Refuge as well. They would not be treated any different from boys, as it is same to assume the idea of chivalry and not harming girls didn't get taught to those boys. This means it would be free reign to treat everyone the same and there were definitely boy on girl and girl on boy violence in the Refuge.

^^ With this, I would also like to point out that this means they were never taught chivalry when they were little. They grew up believing you treat everyone the same/everyone gets the same treatment and therefore wouldn't and don't hold back on girls

More under the cut.

Also for some quick clarification, I prefer 92sies Weisel FAR more than livesies. He seems like a genuinely sweet guy, he just happens to have been stuck in a spot of greed and getting a large power trip due to working for Pulitzer and his authority over the newsies. As my friend put it, "92sies Weisel would get you an ice cream and tell you to go away, but broadway Weisel would probably call you a slur." This man could've possibly been a pretty good parental figure to the brothers and maybe even nicer to the newsies, but sadly he ended up in a position that brought out the worst in him

^^ On that note, I do not believe he was the best person in the world. I feel like he played a part in enabling the behaviors of the brothers and it can be seen in the movie for sure. He uses them as a way to poke at the newsies from crying out loud. He also definitely has a say in what the brothers can and cannot do, as he is their legal guardian and was the one to get them out of the Refuge. (I believe he was the one who found them and requested to have them under his custody. He recognized them and their names due to them actually being the children of his sister who he doesn't have much contact with anymore simply because of their physical distance. (The Delanceys did not live in the big city prior to being sent to the Refuge))

Backstory (Personal Headcanons)

Their mother was ethnically Jewish and their father was protestant. Weisel is their uncle on their mother's side, hence why he is also ethnically Jewish

They did not grow up practicing any religion and do not practice any once they are older

The cross necklace that Oscar has is not because he is practicing Catholicism/Christianity, it is because it is what their father gave him before they were left at the Refuge. While he can't remember their parents very well, he wears it every day to stay connected to the small memories of the farm he still has

Morris remembers their parents quite well but never tells Oscar. He constantly lies about remembering due to the fact he doesn't want to ruin the ignorant bliss his younger brother has by telling him the... not so nice things he remembers from their childhood

Morris was also the one who did a lot of protecting at first in the Refuge. He spent a lot of time making sure his brother didn't get picked on and would fight the older kids who would try and harass them or steal their food. Soon enough this gave Oscar the confidence to back up his brother and he became a sort of hype man for Morris. He was (in the Refuge and working for the World) quite literally the guy who would be like "YEAH. GET HIM. WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT" while behind Morris as Morris stands off against someone

Their Relationship With the Newsies

While in livesies the brothers act more like hired guns, the movie's portrayal of their relationship with the newsies is very different. Carrying the Banner shows a lot more of their interaction with Jack and other newsies, and it feels a lot lighter than what we see in the broadway musical. I'm not saying that it is a good or friendly relationship, but it feels a lot less like the brothers were hired to hurt the newsies and more like they just harass each other. Honestly it's less "we were hired to hurt you and we enjoy it" like we see in livesies and more "we don't like each other so we ("Only Oscar" as Morris would probably say) enjoy tormenting you guys, and you guys enjoy tormenting us." THEY LITERALLY HAVE A TRUCE DURING CIRCULATION

The interaction during and just after Carrying the Banner genuinely feels more playful than bloodthirsty. Yes the brothers are mad at Jack for stealing Morris's hat, but they make no GENUINE attempt to hurt him (chasing =/= intent to hurt). Oscar and Morris are far more bark than bite and have problems and issues due to not being raised properly

^^ Also, arguably, Oscar is all bark and Morris is all bite. Oscar CONSTANTLY verbally messes with the newsies meanwhile we only see Morris do more than shove (outside of the alleyway scene, which I will touch on more later...kind of?)

Anyways you know that scene towards the end of CTB where they're in a giant circle with Jack and Oscar and Morris fighting in the middle? None of that screams a serious fight to me. Like, at all. It feels a lot lighter than even the boxing match Jack and Davey end up going to. I am sorry you just CANNOT tell me it was serious! Jack literally grabs Oscar who, mind you, doesn't struggle to try and get away when he very easily can, and uses him as a shield from Morris. This is the only time we see either brother actually try to harm Jack and its while Oscar is restrained in the way. Jack also taunts them the entire fight which we DON'T see in the ACTUAL SERIOUS FIGHT towards the end of the movie

After CTB ends, there's a truce. If the brothers wanted to hurt anyone else, they could have and WOULD have right there in that crowd. They had every opportunity to and deadass if Oscar wanted to cause harm, he probably would've shoved Les then, considering you can see him look down at Les when he shoves past the brothers. But he doesn't, he just stands there and watches

^^ They do threaten Jack as they all walk up the ramp, ("We'll play again tomorrow, cowboy" - Morris; "You're as good as dead, cowboy" - Oscar), though it's generally calm after that. Like we do not see them doing anything to the newsies for the rest of the day

The next time they make a significant appearance is when Kid Blink announces the change of prince of the papers. In the background in the window we see Oscar just mocking him. That's it that's... that's it. He's just messing around and having a fun time making fun of Blink. But after he's done, he STAYS in the window, genuinely curious. He listens to what the boys have to say about the paper and the idea of a strike (He literally moves back and forth from the window to the desk and back to the window to listen to all the gossip from Jack and the others). He doesn't yell at them or instigate anything he just listens until Weisel tells the newsies to screw off. Even then he just makes a face and wiggles his fingers in some taunting way and that's that

Now, what's harder to talk about is the alleyway scene towards the end of the movie. It is a scene many people often skip due to just how horrible it is and it is in NO WAY presented with the same light energy as CTB. It was a disgusting scene that I specifically do not want to get into. I will talk about events leading up to it and my perception of them/take on them, but I am not comfortable actually talking about it. Do note this is not me erasing what happened or ignoring it in any way, I am just uncomfortable.

Weisel is hosting Jack in the basement of the circulation building, this is known. While he don't know for sure how attached Weisel is to the building in canon (does he also live there? Is he just there a lot of the time? Who knows), I personally feel like Weisel and the brothers live on the main floor, just further inside. But that's just me. Anyways, we know he spends a lot of time in the front room behind the sort of desk area due to all of the papers and general stuff around him that we see when he's calling the cops. He is also seemingly entrusted with Jack's care and he appears to be responsible for making sure Jack stays a scab. He is very likely being paid to do it by Pulitzer and/or Snyder

But, when it comes to Oscar threatening Davey, I can think of a two reasons for why it was said/why they were going to do it. Those reasons are as follows:

1. They took down one leader of the strike so they needed to get the other. They enlisted the Delancey brothers to do it since they work closely with the newsies and would be able to actually recognize Davey and would know common areas for the selling of papers. Oscar just happens to have little to no filter and spills this to Jack in order to taunt him. This would make sense with the frustration we see out of Morris and how he hits/shoves Oscar and tells him to "shut up" while pushing him back, all while Oscar is still smiling 2. They needed to test Jack to make sure he would stay a scab, but they really wanted to push his buttons. This idea can be explained by the way Weisel says "Lift one finger and it's right back to the Refuge." It's like they're doing this on purpose to test the resolve of Jack and to see just how far he is willing to go and how much he is willing to risk for his friends

Finishing Thoughts

They are still young and haven't been given an opportunity to grow

They work for old men of multiple social classes who have a lot of power and greed

They are still legally minors under the care and custody of a male parental figure. As per how older households worked, Weisel had the right to decide what the brothers could and could not do (and probably threatened to send them back to the Refuge multiple times on days he was angry/sick of their shit)

The newsies didn't really give them an opportunity to do better and make up for their actions. They continually antagonized/poked at the brothers and enabled their behavior

TL:DR the brothers did fucked up things but they also didn't have the ability not to

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[estherdedlock]

@herste wrote:

The thing I find comically ironic is that The Secret History, dark academia’s so called ‘bible’, is, to me, a cautionary tale against the whole idea of embodying the aesthetic.

As I said in my post last week, I felt such a disconnect between the Dark Academia aesthetic and The Secret History that...here I am a month later still trying to figure it out. I don’t know if Donna Tartt intended to write a cautionary tale, but I was definitely shaken by this narrative of the consequences of shutting out reality in favor of a insular, curated fantasy.

Thirty years ago, Tartt couldn’t have had any idea of what an “internet aesthetic” was, but her characters are aesthetes. Certainly Henry is an aesthete, at least in his very particular way, so this manner of living is very real to him. And Richard is so needy that his fascination with the group and the way they live is very real for him too. But for Francis, Charles, Camilla, and Bunny, isn’t it all rather an elaborate big-kids’ game of make-believe? There’s no suggestion that they actually care deeply about art, music, Greek, the classics, or any of it. They’re kids playing dress-up, only instead of sitting in a playhouse and pouring pretend tea, they’ve got cocktails and cigarettes and a deliberately anachronistic pantomime of adult sophistication in the way they dress and talk and act. 

I love how Tartt so submerges us in this make-believe that we don’t even know how far under we are until we’re drowning with the rest of them. And then when Charles says to Richard:

Those people had never seen anything like Henry in their lives. I’ll tell you the sort of thing he was worried about. Like if he was carrying around the right book, if Homer would make a better impression than Thomas Aquinas. He was like something from another planet.

It’s such a slap of ice-cold water. The little post-adolescent fantasy we’ve been living, in which Henry’s peculiarities are a welcome addition to this beautifully propped set, just falls apart in the glare of non-aesthetic daylight. Reality gets the final say.

I have to go back to Brideshead Revisited again, because it presents a strikingly similar conflict between fantasy and reality, which the narrator himself acknowledges. When Charles Ryder breaks with the Marchmain clan and leaves Brideshead for what he thinks is the last time, he reflects:

I had come to the surface, into the light of common day and the fresh sea-air, after long captivity in the sunless coral palaces and waving forests of the ocean bed. “I have left behind illusion,” I said to myself. “Henceforth I live in a world of three dimensions---with the aid of my five senses.

It’s easy to imagine Richard and the whole group (except Henry and Bunny, of course) feeling the same way after their own self-imposed “captivity” in aesthetic unreality led to so many horrifying mistakes. Better to live in the light of common day than to sink into an illusion---however attractive---that prevents you from seeing things as they are. 

But how differently things work out in these two stories. Brideshead is ultimately a parable of faith, not fantasy. When Ryder says “I have since learned that there is no such world,” (i.e. one of three dimensions), he’s not standing up for the pleasures of beauty and art, he’s professing the reality of things unseen: God, sin, redemption, forgiveness, grace. The "enchanted garden” that he first discovered at Oxford and then at Brideshead has led him to a deeper truth.

Our Hampden friends have no such comforts---their enchantment was manufactured, a collection of curated images, not the gateway to epiphany. Both books end with an epilogue that takes place years after the main events of the story, but the contrast between the final scenes couldn’t be more heartbreaking:

Brideshead Revisited:

Something quite remote from anything the builders intended has come out of their work, and out of the fierce little human tragedy in which I played...a small red flame...relit before the beaten-copper doors of a tabernacle...It could not have been lit but for the builders and the tragedians, and there I found it this morning, burning anew among the old stones.

I quickened my pace and reached the hut which served us for our ante-room.

“You’re looking unusually cheerful to-day,” said the second-in-command.

The Secret History:

In the case was a machine revolving slowly on a turntable, a machine with metal parts that slid in and out and collapsed in upon themselves to form new images. An Inca temple...click click click...the Pyramids...the Parthenon. History passing beneath my very eyes, changing every moment.

“I thought I’d find you here,” said a voice at my elbow.

It was Henry...There was so much I wanted to ask him...

“Are you happy here?” I said at last.

“Not particularly,” he said. “But you’re not very happy where you are, either.”

[spookybias]

wheresoever you go ‣ [ choi yeonjun ] ✧

pairing: choi yeonjun x gn! reader

genre: fluff, angst | established relationship au | long distance trope.

description: yeonjun as your long distance boyfriend. in this one, the reader lives and goes to college in seoul, south korea (at first).

warning: insecurities. brief mention of suggestive content.

word count: 1.4k

⠀ ҉ PRE LONG DISTANCE

yeonjun was a clingy boyfriend. when he greeted you, he'd give you a big hug and kiss the top of your head. he always insisted on walking you home, whether it was day or night when the two of you would part ways. and since both of you had pretty busy schedules, yeonjun would make time to talk to you or meet up with you whenever he could.

when you broke the news that you were moving, yeonjun wasn't too phased at first. in his mind, there was nothing in the world that could tear you two apart. you were in love with each other and that was all that mattered. but as soon as he learned how far you were going, the weight of the situation became too much for him.

you picked a tile on the cafe floor and decided that you'd keep your eyes there so as to not see the look on yeonjun's face when you told him the bad news. "yeonjun, my family's moving and i want to go with them."

yeonjun gave you his famous smile, the one that was reserved for 'you're so cute' moments. he chuckled, "that's so sweet of you. where are you guys going? daegu? ansan?" he stirred his drink with his bendy straw and you watched as the chocolate milkshake swirled around. that, along with the bomb you had to drop on your boyfriend, was making you dizzy. you had chosen the cafe for a reason; neither of you were bold enough to make a scene in public.

you swallowed, but couldn't seem to make your throat feel less dry. "outside of the country, jjunie."

yeonjun stopped stirring his milkshake. he leaned back in the brown leather armchair of the cafe. "like, japan?"

you blinked back tears and tried not to think about crying. "farther than that," you replied, twiddling your fingers.

"singapore?" yeonjun's eyes darted back and forth. he looked like he was about to start gasping for air, maybe even lose consciousness. you hated that the place was much farther. why couldn't it had just been a couple cities over? why did it have to be in a different continent?

after giving him all the details, yeonjun chuckled and ran his hands through his hair repeatedly. you knew he wasn't losing his mind, but he sure was losing himself over the situation. he tried to convince you that you didn't really have to move with your family. you were an adult now, and you couldn't quit school. he said you could move in with him and the others, live at their dorm, but you knew that the idea was unrealistic. neither of you were ready to move in together and his boss would never allow it. you explained that you chose to go with them, and that you could transfer universities. yeonjun wanted to get mad at you, but instead, he respected your decision.

yeonjun got used to the idea of you being away from him for some time. that's just it, he got used to the idea. it hadn't actually hit him that you were moving far, far away until one day he came over, and you showed him pictures of what your family's new house would look like.

that's when yeonjun started to feel overwhelmed and anxious. he kept thinking that when you finally went over there, you would find someone within reach who was better than him in every possible way. so to fulfill his own insecurities, he would come at you with expensive gifts and outstanding dates. but then one day you told him that the two of you needed to talk and his fear of being broken up with went from a level 2 to a level 7. every time you tried to discuss the fact that you were moving away, he'd distract you with more expensive gifts and physical affection. afterwards, he always pretended to fall asleep or that he had to rush home so that you couldn't break up with him.

yeonjun wasn't sure what to do next. even the others knew there was something going on with him. it was two weeks before you would be leaving, and he was too afraid to talk to you because he thought you were going to dump him. though, he knew he needed to talk to you if he wanted you to stay with him.

it didn't take long for you to figure out what was going on with your boyfriend. so one day, you asked him out to breakfast, acting as if it would just be a regular date. yeonjun was stressed out the night before, wondering if you'd mention that you were leaving soon. when he showed up he had bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. he picked at his food the entire time, awaiting heartbreak. however, you weren't going to break up with him, and you needed to make that clear.

you reached across the table and took the fork out of yeonjun's hand. you intertwined your fingers with his and looked him straight in the eyes. "jjunie, why don't you talk to me anymore ?"

"y-you still call me jjunie?" yeonjun sniffled, but he refused to cry. you had your reasons for dumping him and he would just have to accept it.

"why wouldn't i call you jjunie?" you squinted at your boyfriend and sighed. "yeonjun, i'm not breaking up with you. i know you think i am."

yeonjun relaxed his shoulders. it felt like the weight he had been carrying for a few months had finally lifted. he closed his eyes, leaned back in his seat like he did the day you broke the bad news, and took a deep breath. he covered his face with his hands and asked in a tiny voice, "why did you want to talk to me?" he concluded himself to be a total loser.

"jjunie, are you dumb?" you giggled. "you're my boyfriend. i wanted to talk to you about what the plan was. you know, like what time is best to call, when you think we'd be able to see-"

yeonjun leaned over the cafe table and kissed you hard, cutting off your sentence. he loved you so much.

the day of departure, yeonjun accompanied you and your family to the airport. he held you in his arms, and tried to ignore the fact that it would be a long time until he got to hug you again. he wanted to put the moment in a bottle so that he could return at any time, and hold you for as long as he wanted. but he you knew he was okay. he knew the two of you would be okay.

⠀ ҉ POST LONG DISTANCE

yeonjun is still a clingy boyfriend. you guys would always shower each other in romantic gestures, but now it's triple the cheesy messages, double the cute playlists, and a whole lot of phone calls and video chats.

when he visits a new place, he always takes a picture to send to you and adds, "when you come back, let's go here together."

he sends you a whole lot of videos and voice messages, and you do the same, especially if it's a very busy day for one of you and you know you might not get the chance to talk. yeonjun's favorite thing to do is send you a voice message right when he wakes up so you can hear his raspy voice, and send videos of him blowing kisses at the camera.

it's much easier to tease you now. when he sees an outfit that's cute and a little sinful while walking past a store, he takes a picture to send to you and goes, "you would look cute in this. should i ship it to you so you can call me while wearing it?" please forgive the man, he doesn't get any action now that you're gone.

you spam him with tons of selfies. he saves all of them... until he runs out of storage and has to choose which ones he loves more and it's harder than any exam he's ever taken.

the idea of seeing him again is always on your mind. you miss the times he would walk you home, kiss your forehead, let you sit on his lap. and yeonjun constantly thinks about all of your old cuddle sessions and movie nights. he misses you so so much.

as far as insecurities go, yeonjun isn't worried about you ending things with him anymore. you, on the other hand, get a little nervous whenever you're on the phone with him and hear a charming voice in the background. yeonjun senses you're uneasiness, and has no problem explaining who it is and what's going on.

there's nothing to worry about, though. neither of you are going anywhere. long distance is a piece of cake to yeonjun now, and you know you'll hold each other soon.

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