#but that means i need an oli design

[boatemboys]

blond boyfriends as the bmc thing where the. boyf riends bags. can anyone hear me

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day one

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : fluff and flirting

length : 3.1k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken

a/n: I'm not home this week so I hope this posts correctly from my phone 😬 enjoy the chapter!!

•••

day one

If there was one thing to know about me it was that I was an absolute whore for a breakfast buffet. And the one at this hotel had both a waffle station and a chef to make you omelettes on demand so really, I couldn't be to blame. It was simply unfortunate that I was elbows deep in a plate of chocolate croissants I’d balanced on my table when Noah appeared.

For a singular moment I still had hope that he would not see me or even then, decide to ignore me and enjoy the quiet morning by himself, but after a quick detour to the coffee machine, he confidently took the seat across from me.

“You stuff everything in your mouth with that much vigour?”

Both of us froze in the middle of our movements. From the look in his eyes, I was pretty sure that he was not insinuating what we were both thinking now, the realisation of what his words could mean hitting him only after they’d already been spoken. I was trying so hard not to let my face twist into a grin, or full on laughter, and it was becoming increasingly difficult with every second of horror passing through his eyes.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Finally realising that I was very much seeing the humour in his slip-up, he cracked a handsome smile, half-hidden by the hand that was rubbing his face as he groaned. I had half a mind to throw another remark at him, tease him about his faux pas a little further, but my eyes were trained on the back of his hand and the dark flower design inked into the skin.

Carefully reaching for him, I pulled the hand away from his face, lying it palm-down on the table between us between my plate of sweets and his coffee, just to study the tattoo further. Tracing every line on every patel, I committed the design to memory. It was gorgeous and it was perfect on him.

“You got any tattoos?” Noah tried very hard to sound normal, but I heard the huskiness in his voice, one that hadn’t been there before. I hoped it had to do with my touch. It was why I didn’t quite let go of him when I answered.

“A couple,” I mused. “Most of them hidden away though. Had some, quite ridiculous I can say now, ideas about wanting to have the option of a normal job that might not like to see me covered in ink. Although I’m pretty sure that ship’s sailed, so I’m definitely looking to get started on my arms soon.”

“Where’s the ones you have so far?”

He was probably expecting my legs, my shoulders, something easily shown with barely any clothes removal. Something I could let him see right now. He wasn’t entirely wrong. I did have a couple in those spots, too.

“I don’t think I can show you in a public place without becoming a menace.”

Noah’s hand visibly flinched underneath mine and he pulled back, immediately making me miss his warmth. He took a long sip of his coffee and I wondered if it was an attempt to buy some time.

“This was, um,” he coughed in between his words, “a great talk but you’re a fucking flirt and I need a bit more caffeine to deal with you.”

Disappointment flooded my veins as he got up from the table - had I been too much? Said the wrong thing? Come on too strongly? I knew I had vowed to take Lia’s advice at being a little more offensive and letting myself do whatever I was in the mood for, but that didn’t mean it was appreciated. Maybe I should back down. Keep more to myself after all. Not be so damn-

“Find me later?” He asked with a grin as he stopped next to my chair on the way out.

Well. Maybe I didn’t need to change much at all.

•••

I had forgotten how much running around was involved in a job like that. I wasn't complaining really, I did enjoy that it kept me on my toes, but I was thoroughly exhausted by the time I basically dropped Oli off for soundcheck. He'd had several appointments beforehand that I accompanied him to and even when he was busy, he still found time to think of fifteen different things he had forgotten in some place or other and needed immediately, making me cross the arena and the hotel several times more than necessary. He had way too much fun with it too.

Now I finally saw a chance to take a breather, so I grabbed a couple of things from catering (surprisingly good catering actually, Bring Me The Horizon had really moved up in the world it seemed) and went on a hunt for a quiet backstage room. I was fully planning on bunking up in one of Bring Me’s dressing rooms as they should all technically be empty now, but when I walked past a different door, half open, half closed, I couldnt help but stop as I looked inside. Noah was sitting on a couch - well, I said sitting, I really meant he was halfway to sliding down off it, his head collapsed onto the back ledge, eyes closed, looking ridiculously uncomfortable.

I didn’t mean to disturb him. In fact, I didn’t quite know what the plan was at all, but in one split decision, I walked into the room, quietly closing the door behind me and sitting down on the couch next to him. Balancing my stuff on the table, I scooped some of my (honestly deliciously smelling pasta) on a fork and carefully held it under Noah’s nose.

It was like watching a dog sleep that suddenly started dreaming of the very smell that surrounded him in real life. His nose was starting to twitch in the most adorable way, then his breathing changed a little. One by one, his body was waking up, not quite sure yet why, but pulled from his sleep anyway.

His eyes finally opened, a little at first, then more, slightly swollen from the nap had seemingly had taken him by force, as he tried to focus on where we was. Blinking, then blinking again, he finally set sight on the fork in front of him, brows furrowing as he pulled his head back to look at it better in utter confusion.

“What the-”

Noah finally sat up properly, only just now noticing me sitting next to him, amused beyond belief as I finally pushed the fork in my mouth. The pasta was a little cool already, but still surprisingly tasty. Good venues came with good catering apparently.

“Want one?” I asked, scoopin up some more pasta and holding it out to him. Still a little dazed, he simply opened his mouth and let me carefully feed him a portion.

“Didn’t you two meet, like, yesterday?” I looked up in surprise as someone entered the room. Folio, I think his name was, drummer for Bad Omens, currently looking at us with an questioning, but not unkind smile. “What’s with the married couple behaviour?”

“Very funny,” Noah commented, but there wasn’t the usual playfulness in his voice. I instinctively pulled back a little.

Both men exchanged looks I couldn’t quite interpret. I didn’t know either of them well enough to know what they were silently communicating, but I knew there was a conversation happening that I wasn’t part of. The intensity of it was felt in the whole room though. If I was the reason for it, I wanted to never be put in this position again. It even put me off the pasta I’d been shovelling in my mouth with vigour.

Then Folio turned away from him and toward me, once again showing his smile which seemed so out of place for a moment that I wondered if I had purely imagined the unease I had felt before.

“Oli’s looking for you, by the way. Apparently he left his phone in his dressing room.”

“I’d wondered why it was so quiet,” I mumbled with a look toward my own mobile. “Not sure why I thought I could escape him.”

Folio sent me a pitiful look, even though I was sure he knew as well as I did that I wasn’t really complaining. Getting up from the sofa, I cradled my pasta again, determined to finish it one way or another, putting my phone into the pocket of my jeans, when I felt a hand on me.

Noah’s fingers were wrapped around my wrist. He had sat up slightly just to reach me. I both wanted to lean into his touch and pull away, almost overwhelmed by the sensations running through my body with his fingers on my pulse point.

“Are you watching the set later?”

“Yeah, I… Oli said I could watch the show from the sound desk.”

“Good. I hope you enjoy it. I’d say I’ll look for you but I don’t think I can see that far.”

And then he sent me a smile that had my heart soaring and I was once again ready to throw all caution in the wind.

•••

“Are you sure this is okay?”

I carefully slid into a designated spot at the sound desk, giving everyone around me smiles that I hoped would convince them not to hate me for intruding into their workspace.

“Well if you touch anything, we’ll have to burn you at the stake… Other than that, welcome to the sound desk!” The woman next to me cheerfully explained. “Don’t worry, Oli vouched for you, so unless you’re extraordinarily clumsy and manage to undo all our work with the sweep of a hand over our stuff, you’re grand.”

“I’ll try my very best,” I promised. “And if I fuck anything up, take it from Oli’s wages please.”

“Oh, gladly!”

I watched as she went back to work, preparing for the upcoming Bad Omens set, and I couldn’t help but study her a little bit. If I hadn’t known from the AAA pass around her neck and, well, the fact that she seemed to know what she was doing and wasn’t in the process of getting kicked out, I couldn’t have told her from the fans that were starting to crowd around us in the venue.

She hadn’t overdone it by any measure and her face, as far as I could see, was blank of any make-up, but she had dressed the part with ease. Heavy boots accompanied her black shorts perfectly, making her look both tough and delicate somehow, her black top was wrapped in a corset, she was wearing a choker and several earrings. It just made sense. Looking down at myself, I was suddenly less thrilled with my hastily put-on choice of clothing from that morning. A simple pair of dark jeans, a non-descript shirt, no accessories whatsoever.

I didn’t know why I hadn’t made more of an effort. It wasn’t that I thought it was expected of me or necessary in any way, but looking at the sound tech reminded me of how much fun I usually had dressing up. In fact, half of my wardrobe at home was stuffed with elaborate pairs of trousers, laced tops, skater skirts, platform boots. Only I hadn’t really packed any of it.

Pulling out my phone, I shot a text to Lia.

Aubrey

Have I been hiding myself away lately

Lia

context pls

Aubrey

I can’t remember the last time I dressed up and it’s just hit me with everyone in this venue looking so fucking fab

For a moment, I wondered if she was already giving up on messaging me, but when I looked back at my phone, I realised that she was instead recording an audio message. Oh dear. Checking the time, I made sure I would manage to get a good listen before the lights dimmed and Bad Omen’s show began.

“Babe, since you’re finally realising it yourself now, yes, you’ve been letting yourself go. I didn’t want to push you too hard - well, I would have if you’d gotten really bad, you know that but then Oli called so that was off the table. But since… you know, you had that girlfriend and it was all fucked up and your family basically - well, let me just say I’m still available to beat any of them up. The ex and the family. You know that. But yeah. It’s taken a toll on you and you’ve not been yourself lately and it’s been painful to watch. Which is why I’ve been telling you to have some fucking fun on this tour. Put on that dress and that lipstick and get back to being yourself, yeah? And now enjoy the show and give Noah some air kisses from me, love you, bye!”

I felt dumbstruck. Had it really gotten that bad? Had everyone noticed but me? I knew I’d been struggling a bit since my last relationship drama and everything that followed (and technically preceeded) it, but… Lia’s words were ringing in my head. Maybe I had been letting myself go. It wasn’t worryingly bad, surely, but had I been my usual self? I thought I was seeing glimpses of it again now that I was on tour.

Quickly checking the schedule on my phone I realised that after today it was one more gig before a day off between Bournemouth and Birmingham. I shot Oli a message.

Aubrey

I don’t care what kinda disguise you need to go out but you need to take me clothes shopping in two days xoxo

Oli

I’ll get a fake moustache

•••

Bad Omens were a force to behold on stage. I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on Noah as much as the distance would allow me to, hanging onto his every word, studying his every movement. It was mesmerising. I’d never had the pleasure of seeing them live before but I already knew I’d make sure to catch them several more times on this tour. There was simply no way around it.

The break was spent chatting to the sound tech whose name I finally learned was Becky. It turned out she was extremely passionate when it came to talking about her craft and I was a willing listener. Nothing she said made a lot of sense so far as she threw all kinds of technical terms at me, but it was fascinating to hear her explain how much of a part she and her team really played in making this an experience, rather than just a live show.

She barely managed to stop talking by the time she was nudged by someone else on her team to notify her of the performance being about to start, which left her busy for the next one hundred minutes and me with too many thoughts and no one to voice them to. So I did the only sensible thing I could think of. I spam-texted Oli all of them for him to find after the show.

Aubrey

Opening with darkside is bold but I love a bold man

Aubrey

I love this setlist so much

I know you showed it to me yesterday but it doesn’t compare

Also the visuals wow

Aubrey

You look very good in red btw and so does your ass

Aubrey

Cause you got a taste noooow drank the kool-aid by the juuuuug

Oh dear I hope everyone’s ok

I’m glad you’re stopping shows liberally these days to make sure

Aubrey

I said it before and I’ll say it again, strangers into diamonds is fucking insane and I don’t know who allowed you to do that

Aubrey

Antiviiiiiiist!! Tell Noah he looks good in that mask

Aubrey

Also why were you getting a headrush after that song hmmm was it performing with Noah do you love him I’d get a headrush to if I screamed with him like that and got to give him two hugs

Aubrey

Yeah the doomed montage is making me cry, fuck you

Aubrey

I hope you have fun whenever you find these messages

I promise I wasn’t drunk when I wrote them just high on live music heyyyy

•••

Walking backstage, I immediately ran into the band leaving the stage. Lee held out his hand for a high five, massive smiles all around from a successful start to the tour, and I wasn’t one to leave him hanging. It ended with everyone who came up behind him following suit on the high fives, until Oli appeared at last, who instead grabbed onto my hand and clumsily twirled me around myself. I was still stumbling over my feet, uncoordinated feet unable to keep up with the sudden movement, when he pulled me into his chest for a hug.

Oli was made of pure adrenaline. I could basically smell it radiating off him. There was laughter in my ear, exhilaration from the first show having gone well, his hands pushing against my back so tightly I had no choice but to melt into him. Any attempt at not touching his bare skin were futile as my fingers slipped under his cropped jacket. He was hot and sweaty, but I didn’t mind one bit. If anything, it awakened something more primal in me. Something that begged to claw at his skin, push him against the nearest wall, have a taste of the droplets running down his chest. I was almost glad when he let me go for fear of what my hands would do if he didn’t.

“I sent you a couple of messages during the set by the way. You can read them as a slightly unhinged bedtime story,” I explained as he nudged me to get a move on toward the dressing rooms.

“Oh I bet those will put me right to sleep,” he laughed.

“Did you actually say that you had a headrush on stage after performing with Noah?”

“Fuck, yeah, my head was fucking spinning, thought I was gonna faint.”

“Was it so stimulating be around him?” I teased, moving to tickle his side, but he quickly dodged me and fell onto the sofa alone. “Does he make your heart race?”

Oli eyed me for a moment, pushing his hair back. I tried my best to ignore how good it looked on him.

“See, you talk about him so much, I can’t tell if you wanna hook up with him or if you want to set me up with him.”

I genuinely didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t think I quite knew it myself.

[ourloveiselectrifying]

Hello hello! It's me DFP

I'm wondering where you learned/are you learning to Code? I find the structure of your game quite entertaining and I like to take a little inspiration from it (If I'm allowed)

And I tried to make images that are options but apparently I'm still a long way from leaving the beta of my projects So I wanted to seek advice from you

(Also, if this is not the correct account to ask this I apologize, but if you have some very good advice that can help me please feel free to go to my DMs)

Hello DFP! :3 (I'm not exactly sure what you mean by structure sorry, but probably yes haha) 

I didn't learn coding. In fact, the scariest part of my game is the code itself! I would like to take classes in art and coding someday! It's just not a great time in my country to be spending money atm ahahahaha- (cries in national housing and inflation crisis)

If you're using Renpy to make a VN, smart people would recommend giving the Renpy and Python's offcal guides a good look and watching Renpy tutorials on youtube.

For me, I'm the kinda person that only takes in information by dissecting and breaking things, then learning from the mistakes. I looked at the front page of the Python pdf, and it made my ADHD repossess my body despite being on the max dose of ritalin. I immediately closed it then skimmed through the Renpy quickstart, not really taking in any of the information, jumped right into designing the main menu, minced up the code, caught a bunch of errors, and had to check out fourms for fixes.

Have some random tips that may or may not be helpful since I don't know your skill level and I, am infact, not skilled in Renpy, I have no idea what I'm doing half the time! :3

Make new files for everything, don't just put it all in the script or it's going to get ridiculous.

Scripts get LONG use # and add notes, so you can CTRL + F and find stuff easily.

If you're like me, check out renpy's reddit/lemma soft fourms, if you're not getting good goog search results, it might be the words you're using, I had this issue a lot, try changing up words in your question (options/preferences/choices/decisions)

When you're learning copy and paste the code/answer, once you know the the code and can type it out fast, then starting manually typing it out.

Always check the dates on posts, there's a bunch of old renpy guides/fourms that don't work anymore.

There is more than one way to skin a dingo (sorry kevin), if you've found a fix that seems ridiculous but it's working, keep it!

If you have anger problems prepare to get fuckin' pissed off! Before you start coding have a coffee/bottle of water/energy drink beside you, so you have to walk away to take angry piss breaks and can clear your head.

If you absolutely cannot figure something out, make a copy, put it aside and work on something else until you're a little more skilled.

I have three copies of olie, the one that works, the one that I'm experimenting on, and the one on a USB I copy when I get drunk and forget which is my "fuck around" code and which is my "don't touch it, it works" code and I annihilate my game. Make regular backups to your USB for any emergencies, houses burn down. Limit your drinking while coding.

Compare code to the game base if you're coming up with errors. Goog the exact error that pops up when the game crashes. (renpy expected statement)

Click the blue text and it'll take you to it. Sometimes it's not very accurate and you need to look a little above or below the line the error happened. 70% of the time your error is a missing space or "," or an extra space!

I also recommend checking out all the shortcuts on your code editing software (I'm using visual studio code!) I was manually adding indents to each line, which was wasting an insane amount of time LMAO ;w; 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by images that are options, but I'm guessing an imagebutton? If you search "renpy imagebutton" there's a few forums and tutorials that will guide you but it's like this.

You need a screen for your buttons, an image, if you're feeling funky add transforms to the button, else just use a different image for idle/hover!

Add the anchor before you do xpos/ypos because it messes around with the positions and you'll have to re-adjust the xpos/ypos again. You need anchor for the transitions to work properly.

If you want the button to make a sound on click add activate_sound or remove it if you don't want one, it's optional.

This is how you make the transform, you can do a TON of different transforms. This is a simple idle/hover transform. ease is the animation type/speed, alpha is transparency, 1.0 is fully visible, 0.0 is transparent, at 0.5 on idle, it has a dimmed effect. the zoom makes it bigger. Make a new file for this one!

Buttons have a TON of actions to choose from, this is a time I actually would checkout renpy's offical guides. This one does the same as a jump at the end of a label or choice.

If you want your game to not pause when your buttons are visible, just use "show screen nameofthescreenhere zorder 20" (zorder is the layers, 20 is like usually the top, you can go higher though)

If you want your game to pause while the screen is up, use call screen instead of show!

I probably won't do too many of these coding/renpy support things on my tumblr but, OLIE'S discord server has a few game dev channels for coding support if you'd want to join there! :3

I wish you well and goodluck on your game!!! 💖🫡🍀

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Bruce is seventeen years old. Bruce knows this-he can feel it in his bones. Bruce also knows that he isn’t supposed to be seventeen. That’s his first clue. The way the number settles in his mind is wrong, distinctly.

His second and more damning clue is Oli standing in his early 40s right in front of him.

The third clue is an older Zatanna starring at him with wide eyes.

God he fucking hates magic.

There are others standing around him, all wearing varing shades of garish colors; blues, reds, and yellows so bright they hurt his eyes. He also notes the item in his hands, the one he pulled off his head as soon as he’d woken up, appears to be the helm to the combat suit he’s been designing. Before he can begin to assess just how bad it is that these people have seen his face, someone speaks up and all of Bruce’s attention snaps to them.

It's the Green Lantern.

“Oh my god, Spooky’s a fetus.”

Okay not the Green Lantern, that one retired when Bruce was a kid, and this one has different features, but a Green Lantern. Bruce has been training his emotions since he was 13, but given the situation he prides himself on not asking the guy for an autograph. Khoa would definitely point out his micro-expressions of joy, he can practically hear him. He shoves his shoulders back up, reminding his body that it doesn’t matter who’s around, Bruce can never relax. A quick lecture on his failure of his previous scan before he does another. A man in blue with an s on his chest, Oliver dressed in green, the Black Canary and how he missed the fact that both the Green Lantern and Black Canary were in the same room as him is a tragedy, another man with green skin which he’ll worry about later, a woman in what looks like a one-piece swimsuit and tall boots, and Zatanna. There also is a window which seem to lead out to space.

Alright, might be his weirdest day ever, but no matter how weird it won’t be his worst. Never the worst.

All his training is for naught, because it takes him until right that second to put all the pieces together. Oliver and Zatanna are older, and there are new fully fledged heroes using their mantels as though they were their own. However, he’s been given this information, which means they aren’t hiding it. It doesn’t matter if he knows it or not. It leaves two options and he doubts that Zatanna would mess with his head like that without giving him the option. Plus, he curls his hand into a fist, his body feels off. Which really just leaves the one thing.

“My mind and body have been reverted to what they were when I was 17.”

“Well,” Zatanna says after a pause had taken over the room, “that makes my job way easier.”

“How did you know you were even in the future? That seems like a stretch.” The man in blue says, almost like he’s joking. Bruce can’t tell if it’s at his expense or not.

“The position of the stars.”

“Wait, really?”

“No dumbass,Oli’s like 40 years older than he’s supposed to be.” The man blinks and what looks like a soft smile appears. He must’ve been joking with Bruce then. Maybe.

“40!”

This is when the woman in the swimsuit interupts, she’s the only one who seems focused on the problem at hand. She doesn’t seem surprised that he was able to recongize Oliver, only noting that he knows there is someone he can trust in the situation. Bruce has no reason to trust Oli, tells her as such and ignores the exaggerated hurt sound he makes.

“We need you to trust that we have your best interest at heart, and that any information we tell you is true and any we don’t tell you is for good reason. From experience, I know it takes many years fighting by your side in battle for that trust to be established.”

She’s right. He can’t afford to mess up any plans his future self has, and that means he has to trust that these people do know him.

He thinks for a moment and decides.

“Black Canary and the Green Lantern. I’ll listen to them.”

The room erupts into chaos.

[sideroachblog]

Hey y'all here's that AleRoach WIP I promised!!

~4k words. Dry humping at the end (mostly build up), Alejandro being OOC because this was a bit of a daddy issues fic, Size Difference, Unfinished.

There will be TWs under the cut. They're pretty heavy because this is an offshoot from my fic Outside Looking In, where Roach was rescued after being a POW and experienced *severe* trauma. This WIP doesn't go into detail, but it doesn't mince words and it investigates how Roach's experiences are fucking with his current relationships. Additionally, there are heavy spoilers in here for OLI and it reveals more of Roach's perspective of his relationships with the team, particularly Ghost and Soap.

@youredyingthatsallthereis bc I was asked to tag <3

~~

TWs:

1. References to SA Roach endured while captive

2. Roach still being underweight from torture

3. Referenced Cheating

4. Internalized homophobia

5. My awful attempts at Spanish and writing realistic dialogue for someone who speaks English as a second language. In other words: Alejandro sounds corny as fuck. This man on the damn cob.

~~

TRANSLATIONS

Flaquito = An endearing petname. Flaco means skinny and the suffix -ito makes it smaller/cuter/etc

¡Está bien! = It's alright!

Cuate = Buddy/friend/etc

Mierda = Shit

Cariño = Honey/sweetie

No puedo dejar de pensar en ti. = I can't stop thinking about you.

Tesoro = Treasure

--

“Awfully thin for a member of the 141. How do you run drills? I dunno why they brought you here; you don’t even have a call sign yet.”

Roach looked up from the table where his nose was buried in gun parts, one of the team's assault rifles completely disassembled for cleaning. Colonel Vargas filled the doorway.

Before he could stand to salute his superior waved a dismissive hand and said, “Don't bother. Keep the energy, heaven knows you need it. At ease, flaquito.”

The nickname was a surprise when Roach expected to be addressed by rank. No clue what it meant, though. Halfway up from his chair he hesitated, then plopped back down with straining thighs and a groan. He quipped, “Maybe I'm just too good to leave behind, Sir.”

It was impossible to relax again, on edge and unfamiliar with the man’s temper, bracing for an inevitable smoking. He sat stiffly, spine straight as a board.

The Colonel double checked the safety on his own rifle before resting it in the corner then meandered across what was one of the safe house's bedrooms, now stripped of furniture save for folding tables and gun cases. The space was designated for weapons storage and maintenance. A lone yellow bulb hung from the plain room’s ceiling and offered sufficient lighting—enough to complete duties, not enough to help locate dropped screws or runaway pens.

“You’re in danger,” Vargas said matter-of-factly.

Roach squirmed. “Aren’t we all?”

“You especially. The stairs up here winded you. You have thin bird wrists and negative muscle mass like a frail old lady. What if we’re raided?”

He frowned and said, “I either prove my gun skills or perish, I guess.”

“That isn’t a price I’d expect your Captain to chance paying. Sacrificing fresh meat who needs more time to train, especially when you could put others in danger, too. I’m well-acquainted with John and well-experienced weighing risk versus reward.” The man pulled up a chair and settled in on Roach’s right. “Point is, I’d never send someone so underweight on an operation like this one, even if they stay cooped up in here. Not a newbie. Not in a million years. For Price to make that call, he knows more than he’s letting on.”

“What are you getting at, Sir?”

“You don’t have the eyes of a new recruit.”

He monitored the Colonel in his peripheral for any threatening behavior and swallowed hard. “Just joined the Special Air Service, Sir. If you think he’s hiding something, I think he’s the bloke to ask.”

Alejandro Vargas sat there like a brick wall: an athletic, imposing man of great importance to the Mexican Special Forces, more so than Captain Price was to the taskforce. Only now, with broken ribs where a bullet slammed his plate carrier, was he confined to the safe house in brief recovery. Roach felt like chump change in comparison to his weight lifting build, about six inches shorter and only half the kilos, stuck doing upkeep rather than assisting in the field. Even at his peak, before everything, before Makarov’s Ultranationalist animals held him captive, Roach wasn’t nearly as strong. He reminded himself that he was still healing, still gaining muscle, still making progress on top of how far he’d already come.

…So far, he’d only managed to gain about ten kilos. Ten more and he’d reach a ‘normal weight,’ again, still so unbearably skinny, still far from the size and strength his job required.

Their power imbalance seeded discomfort in his abdomen. Their differences in strength only amplified what stemmed from the subservience a sergeant owed a colonel. It was too similar to Russian prison, Roach beaten and abused by guards double his size who commanded him around like a mule. He tensed without meaning to, leaning away when Vargas’ thick forearms rested on the table, muscles rolling beneath their skin as the man fiddled with a hand guard from the disassembled gun.

The sight left him conflicted. Vargas struck fear in his heart, but struck it in other ways, too. He was attractive, certainly Roach’s ‘type,’ especially considering his confident, benevolent demeanor and how he cared personally for each of his men (at least from an outsider’s perspective). Tough love, but love nonetheless. However, the timing of Roach’s trauma was tragic—happening before he had the opportunity to explore his true sexuality. His thoughts were a muddled mess.

“I just cleaned that, Sir,” he stated. “You’re smearing finger grease all over it again.”

Vargas grabbed a damp cloth and wiped his hands down before using it to tidy the mess. “We’re not on an op. I’m not even your colonel. No need for the formalities right now, Smith.”

Smith. Garrett Smith. The new name was still foreign to his ear, so accustomed to ‘Gary Sanderson’ that he nearly corrected people on occasion. He went to say ‘yes, Sir,’ then truncated the title, hissing, “Yess-s—”

The slight lisp from Roach’s missing teeth made it all the more embarrassing. His cheeks turned pink.

“I’m dead serious about those eyes. Have you seen yourself? Permanent dark circles, thousand yard stare. Even now, you look passed me rather than at me.”

“Mm. I hadn’t noticed,” he lied, sounding as unbelieving as possible. “Interesting observation.”

Vargas angled his wide body to watch the Sergeant work. “Yes, very.”

Roach shrunk into his shoulders when the Colonel leaned forward, into the small uniform shirt that hung baggy enough to have him dress-coded anyway. He prayed the man didn’t notice.

No such luck.

“Not everyone in the world is out to get you. I don’t know who taught you we are. Price wouldn’t put you in harm’s way.”

He shuddered at the memory of Shepherd and replied, “I’m well aware there’s people on my side, Sir.”

“I’m one of them. No need to act like a scared dog.”

What if Price was wrong again? What if Alejandro were schmoozing him, attempting to—Roach gritted his teeth, trying to allow his respect for the Colonel to overpower his panic. “I know.”

“Then relax; I won’t bite.”

His legs screamed to bolt before something terrible happened, old pain from Ultranationalist hands resurfacing. Cuts, punches, yanked hair. Having his head shoved underwater until the bubbles nearly stopped.

When he was first captured, their medics begrudgingly treated his burn wounds with as little care as possible (and he had no idea why they didn’t leave him to die). They ripped off the dressings as if peeling stubborn wallpaper, debrided his skin without anesthesia, re-mummified his writhing form as agony lingered. The worst came later, towards the end of his imprisonment. It happened once. Fingernails digging into his thighs, forcing his legs open. Wrists bound so tightly with fraying rope they sustained nerve damage. Bodily intrusions he longed to forget. Thankfully, his attacker was not gifted in certain areas; however, the bastard compensated with violent thrusts that tore through Roach anyway, mentally and physically, leaving a cloud of disgust surrounding his body even months later. Worse still, the fact that Roach had dreamed of those same activities, gentler, involving trusted individuals. These fantasies were tainted, of course. Everything about him felt rotten after his assault was said and done.

He knew that wasn’t true. The thoughts surfaced regardless.

With a deep sigh, he did his best to loosen up.

“Good,” Vargas praised when Roach visibly shoved down the tension. He plucked a rifle scope off the table and worked the cleaning cloth up and down its length in long strokes, wrist twisting as he did.

Roach watched momentarily, then gazed up and found the man already looking back. He said, “You don’t need to help, if you’re busy. I’m sure you’ve more important duties to tend.”

“More important…? It’s break time. I’m striking up conversation. You intrigue me.” A gleam in Vargas’ eye betrayed the true extent of his interest: Roach was a mystery to solve. A broken man still piecing himself together in the line of action, ‘freshly recruited,’ although it was clear the Colonel knew better.

Roach offered a weak smile. “There’s not much to know.”

“Ah. I see. Hate small talk?”

“Always have, S-sir.”

Vargas replaced the scope and began polishing the other hand guard. “There’s beauty in the little things, you know. Much to be learned from interactions you wouldn’t think twice over. Puzzles made from smaller pieces are more intricate by design.”

“They take longer to assemble. Not much time to spare in our line of work, is there?”

“I’ll spare my time for you.”

As sure as he was the Colonel meant nothing of it, Roach’s face flushed anyway. Even though the thought of Vargas picking out the truth made him queasy, his eyes opened wide, dry lips parting delicately.

“Oh,” he chuckled nervously, “thanks.”

The corner of Vargas’ mouth raised in amusement. However slight, the expression managed to reach his eyes with sincerity.

“Of course. We kinda… left you here toiling alone. I wasn’t expecting to be stuck here as well. I can only assume you feel swept under the rug, maybe a little useless,” he said, wiggling one hand like a balance. “I know I do. But you’ve been lightening the load on our shoulders when we return from missions, though. So don’t feel bad. We appreciate having maintained weapons and an organized living quarters after. Your work at the base is invaluable.”

The words struck a cord in Roach’s heart, feeling more understood than he had in ages. With the 141, he was merely doing his best. His accomplishments were stepping stones in recovery. He wasn’t capable of anything more until healthy, and even afterwards his achievements would be overshadowed by the unspoken thought that he managed them despite everything.

Roach became inseparable from his suffering.

He nodded. “No problem.”

The Colonel clapped a massive hand on his bony shoulder. “Don’t be so shy. I appreciate your hard work, lugging around heavy gear and checking ammo supplies. It hasn’t gone unnoticed, and I’ll be sure to mention it to Price.”

Again, he nodded, unsure of whether to give thanks once more.

“You’re doing great, Garrett. You deserve recognition.”

Tears pricked at the corners of Roach’s eyes. He blinked them back but ultimately failed, and two tiny droplets escaped down his cheeks in white-hot rivulets.

Vargas was taken aback. His brain caught up to speed as he exclaimed, “¡Ay, está bien, cuate! Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”

Roach let him rub circles into his upper back, resting his eyelids as the movement swayed his body. Vargas cupped Roach’s jaw in a warm, calloused palm, encouraging him to turn without force, fingers long enough to hit his sideburns. It felt great to be appreciated, even better to be touched without being handled like glass. In their efforts to help him feel safe, the 141 did the exact opposite of his captors. Instead of treating him like rubbish—like a fleshlight—he became a priceless heirloom that would shatter under a funny look. Intentions aside, he still felt like an object.

Alejandro touched him like a person.

“What’s wrong?” He repeated.

“You—you’re so nice,” the Sergeant whimpered, laying a hand over Vargas’ own on his face. “I dunno what to make of it.”

“Are your teammates not nice to you?”

“They are! They are. Just… Not like that. They don’t say things like that. I f-feel like a dead weight.”

“You’re not. And I mean it.”

Roach cried harder. Vargas stood and opened for a hug, which he lunged into wholeheartedly, draping himself onto the man’s chest as those strong, angelic arms wrapped around him. Breaths heaved Vargas’ sturdy pectorals and Roach along with them. It felt secure. His thoughts calmed to a trickle for once.

Suddenly, a warm kiss pressed into his temple, short circuiting his brain. He sighed as safety eased through him. Roach had never been kissed for himself. Hannah kissed him selflessly, mistakenly. She loved him; she wanted to kiss him for their sake, not knowing he'd never feel it as intended but unconsciously aware something was wrong as she floundered to fix things. It was through no fault of her own, having a coward of a husband who feigned heterosexuality to avoid family drama, and she eventually stopped trying. It hurt, seeing her sneak around with Mike. Gary ignored it, figuring she deserved someone able to cherish her entirely.

Gary did love her though, and Roach believed he always would no matter his identity. There was a reason he chose her to marry. Playing the part was easy with her kind heart and dark, witty jokes. She’d been his best friend, high school sweetheart, and first kiss—supposedly his last and only, if not for Simon coming along.

Simon.

Simon kissed him greedily when he needed reassurance.

‘Are you still here with me?’ He asked wordlessly when they were alone, boxing Roach against the wall in one final measure of security. He was aware of Hannah, his kisses selfish, self-aware, and sorry. ‘I need to mean something to you. I don’t care what, lieutenant or lover, just care for me.

Be there for me.’

Gary wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He orbited Simon because of their difference in rank, never falling in love because they were battle buddies and he was a married man. However, he couldn’t let his Lieutenant in as a brother-in-arms—not when he dreamt of holding him each night. Of fucking him stupid in the supply closets. No, Gary acted selfishly, too, devouring the only male attention ever thrown his way and giving Simon false hope, accepting kiss after undeserved kiss. Simon was kind while Gary was awful, returning the gentle reassurance of his lips despite never fully opening up, caught in Cupid’s purgatory where he lied to his commanding officer and wife simultaneously. Garrett could be better, if Simon would have him. If he could bear putting his damaged self on display for someone who loved him when he was whole.

A thumb wiped the moisture from Roach’s cheek.

This was different. Vargas put comfort in the gesture. It was Roach’s turn to be reassured, promised he was welcome in their embrace. Vargas didn’t need anything, didn’t want anything more than to learn who Garrett was now, and it was similar to Soap’s appeal—except Vargas was less skittish and unsure of what he himself had to offer, unbiased by the team’s grief-stricken reminiscing or the knowledge of Roach’s assault. Most importantly, despite all this mushy emotional crap, Vargas’ touch remained impersonal. Impermanent. Roach could safely make mistakes because he'd either die recapturing Los Vaqueros’ headquarters or return to the UK after the operation concluded.

“Colonel,” Roach whispered, pulling back to scan his face.

“Please. No one’s here. Call me Alejandro.”

“I couldn’t—”

“Really, do it. You’re not one of my men. We could be friends at the end of all this. You need more of those.”

“I’ll be too far.”

“I’ll make time to call.”

He hesitated. His arms snaked away from Vargas’ neck until his hands fell to the man’s chest, stabilizing himself on the broad ribcage waiting there, further examining the man’s expression for hints of annoyance. He found none.

Roach’s eyebrows furrowed and more happy tears begged to flow freely as he asked, “Do you mean it?”

“Absolutely, I do,” Alejandro replied. His grip slid to Roach’s hips to accommodate how the Sergeant repositioned. “Christ, Garrett, you’re even skinnier than you look. I can’t believe Price would… Never mind.”

He was right. He engulfed Roach. Only now, rather than make Roach feel lesser, freakish, and scared, it had him weak in the knees. Roach shivered and flicked his eyes to Alejandro’s lips, starving to feel them tenderly elsewhere, ashamed to desire such attention from the first man to give him understanding and selfless touch.

A Russian accent floated through his mind, dark with arousal and aggression. Maybe he was ‘just a worthless whore.’

“Please,” Roach asked, knowing exactly what he wanted yet not how to phrase it.

“Please, what?” It was an honest question, not a flirty tease.

Roach wanted more than friendship at the moment. A relationship wasn’t the goal; physical intimacy was. To get fucked out of his mind by someone harmless.

One of his hands drifted to the back of Alejandro’s neck who, thankfully, took the hint and leaned forward until their foreheads clunked.

“Please. I’m Roach. When we’re alone, I mean.”

He tilted his head and asked, “Roach? Why that?” sounding pleasantly confused yet excited at the prospect of an answer.

“It’s my old call sign. Don’t tell anyone. Not a soul.”

An answer and a secret, and a clue about Garrett’s past. Alejandro’s face lit up like he’d won a hundred quid. “Okay,” he grinned. Then, the serious tone in Roach’s voice transferred to his. “Okay. Sure. Anything you need.”

“Anything?”

“Anything I’m able to do, I will. I’m a man of my word.”

Alejandro was a stranger he’d known less than a month, but his kindness and sincerity were unending thus far.

Roach chewed his lip and said, “Kiss me again. Kiss me more. You did it right.”

He pulled back, gazing at Roach while one of his hands returned to the Sergeant’s jaw. His smile grew until his cheeks squished his eyes into crescents. “Mierda… How could I say no?”

Turning Roach’s head to the side, Alejandro’s lips reconnected with his temple, then stippled across his cheekbone and down the crooked bridge of his nose. Request granted, the Sergeant closed his eyes in contentment and hummed, reaching up into Alejandro’s hair. Heat rushed to his face and coiled in his belly as the Colonel traced kisses along one of his smile lines, planting a final one at the corner of his mouth before pausing.

“Am I still doing this right, cariño?”

His knees were quaking and his hands gripped Alejandro’s shirt for dear life. Even if he let go, he knew he’d be safe. “Yes,” he said, voice wavering.

“Want me to keep going?”

“God, yes. I’ve never had someone do this before.”

Alejandro frowned. “Not ever?”

“No. I’ve only ever been…” he struggled to think of an appropriate term, “…touched by people who wanted it from me. I’ve never had someone do it because I needed the attention.”

“You have mine now. You caught it the second we met.”

“…Why?” Roach asked.

“None of the files about you line up with who I’m holding in my fucking arms. I’ve met a different man than the recruit I approved on paper—I need to have a chat with Price about that. No puedo dejar de pensar en ti.”

“What does that mean?”

Alejandro grinned and whispered, “You’re peculiar. Mysterious.”

“There’s no mystery,” he insisted.

“Whatever you say, Roach. Even if I don’t figure you out, I'll enjoy learning what I can.”

“You’re too much. Shut up and keep kissing.”

He caught Roach’s chin and guided the Sergeant’s lips into his own, making no attempts to part them or shove his tongue in between, maintaining comfortable pressure that broke briefly between smooches. His exhales blew hot. His stubble tickled when he trailed up Roach’s jaw and planted one below his ear.

Roach shivered and moaned behind his puckered mouth, savoring the way Alejandro curled over his body in response, now looking up so their lips remained connected while the man cradled his head and the small of his back. When Alejandro relented Roach groaned in protest, attempting to pull him back by the collar.

He chuckled. “I was going to ask if you’re still enjoying this. I think I got my answer, th—”

Roach cut him off with an open-mouthed kiss, hoisting himself up on tip-toes instead since Alejandro was immovable and took too long closing the gap of his own accord. It elicited a surprised gasp that Roach swallowed whole, using it as an opportunity to press his tongue against the Colonel’s teeth. Fingers tangled in his hair, offering comfortable encouragement rather than balling into a fist and yanking.

Then, Alejandro moaned.

And the sound rolled as deep and powerful as an ocean current,

And it flowed up the arc of Roach’s spine slow and sweet like molasses,

And Roach couldn’t take it anymore.

“My legs are tired,” he complained, limbs shaking, “and my ass hurts from the chair.”

“My lap is pretty comfortable.”

Just what he wanted to hear. He grinned, winded, huffing desperately through closed teeth, “I dunno if can I just take your word for it.”

“Aw, don’t trust me?”

“What can I say? I’m a skeptic,” Roach laughed nervously. Having little experience, flirting wasn’t his forte. “Can we move to that couch in the sleeping quarters so I can find out for myself?”

Alejandro blessed him with a look of surprise that bloomed into a beaming smile. “Lead the way.”

Roach took his wrist (and was allowed) to drag him. They burst through the door, Alejandro flopping onto the aforementioned futon with creaking springs. Roach straddled him immediately and the Colonel’s hands returned to his hips, untucking the baggy shirt from his loose pants, slipping under its hem. It felt electric. It had him shaking like a dog.

“You alright?”

“Just nerves,” he assured.

“Relax. I’ve got you.”

Unbuttoning his own fly, Roach cursed at the pre-cum already forming a wet patch on his boxers.

“Already excited, cariño?”

“Sorry. Y-you’re very attractive.”

Their half-hard cocks throbbed together.

“You’re one to talk,” Alejandro said and lifted Roach’s shirt, mouth gaping at the exposed fuzzy skin beneath.

The shame of having a body surged in Roach’s mind. “I used to have more definition. I was hotter before…”

Those hot, rough hands roamed further under Roach’s uniform, ghosting over his ribs. Alejandro said, “I want you however you are.”

“I’m doing much better than in September.”

“Good,” He replied and leaned in for another slow kiss.

Roach moaned into it as fingers tweaked his nipples. No matter the pleasure, he put his own hands over Alejandro’s and pulled them off. The man detached at the first hint of resistance.

“Hm? Don’t like your chest played with?”

“No, I do! I just… was curious if you’d stop when I wanted.”

Alejandro’s eyes widened. He was intelligent; he read between the lines before Roach finished writing them.

The Sergeant continued. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

Pulling him in tight, Alejandro buried himself in Roach’s neck and whispered, “Tesoro. If you want me to stop, tell me! It would kill me to know I hurt you.”

“I will,” he smiled, leading the man's focus back to his nipples, who immediately resumed toying with them. “You know, for a bloody colonel, you sure do love to follow my directions.”

“A good one knows when to stop commanding and listen. Competent sergeants know what they need. Besides, it’s still break time. I’m just Alejandro. You’re just Roach.”

Before Roach could reply, Alejandro leaned forward and sucked a nipple into his warm, wet mouth while flicking the other, earning a gasp at the tongue teasing it and wriggling hips searching for friction. Their cocks pressed together as Roach ground his pelvis down, then again, driving the rhythm of their dry humping as fast as he could. Unfortunately, in his affected state, this wasn’t that fast.

He growled in frustration, the pleasure simultaneously too much in his inexperience, yet too little.

“What’s wrong, hm?”

“I want it harder!”

Alejandro tested the waters, applying gentle pressure as he bit Roach’s pectoral.

His reply was somewhere between a whimper and yelp. “Nn!~ Not what I meant!”

The man simply soothed it with his tongue, reaching up to caress Roach’s head.

“The grinding, that’s what I mean.”

With a slow grip on Roach’s waist, giving him time to realize and protest if desired, Alejandro used those massive muscles to rock him back and forth.

[phosphorus-noodles]

joel joel joel joel 🎭💄😬😭😶 <3 (and also the anger one if u want. and also oli if you want? if this is too many feel free to leave any out sjdfklsdj <3 <3 <3)

JOEL JOEL JOEL JOEL !!!!!

it's NEVER too much i love joel and also oli <33

but i'm not doing every canon iteration i think i'd die /silly, so my au it is because i think that's predictable enough from me,

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

Ohh... lots of things...

There's a stream clip somewhere where Oli says Joel is a compulsive liar and I latched onto that. Man lies ALL the time about stuff just. because. he just does it, he doesn't think. it's usually harmless?? like "do you like x food" "ohh yeah! i looove x food! ^^" because... what if they get mad at him for saying the wrong thing :(

I dunno, man's got anxiety and he lies a lot compulsively because of it- also lots of "what are you doing?" "nothing!!" when it's literally. the most arbitrary thing. you don't need to hide man it's okay,

Oli lies to be funny. He lies to commit more to the bit. He also lies to repress his feelings and bottle them up so they never see the light of day <3

💄 An appearance headcanon

DID I NEVER POST MY MEZALEAN JOEL DESIGN,

I think I did. I change it a lot tbf. But I don't think I posted the one I'm thinking of- it's lots of bright colors!! He likes to dress nice but not too stuffy, look nice but feel nicer yk? And he likes his hair fluffy and bouncy and curly and ouhrghjg,,,

And he used to HATE his rainbow freckles bc he thought they were stupid, but Oli helped him change his view on them hehe <33

Oli's kiiinda the same way? But not really. Doesn't really care about how he looks when he's just hanging around, but if he can get Joel flustered by dressing up nicer, ohhh he cannot pass that up 😌🫶

😬 A headcanon about the worst thing they’ve done

The worst thing Oli ever did was talk to Joel. The worst thing Joel ever did was talk back.

That's a joke but. man. consequences or something, /silly

Nah the REAL worst thing Joel's ever done was probablyyy... let Oli stay the night that one time?? Like after the events of this fic- I'd imagine Joel's parents were Royally (hah) upset the next morning when they see that their child was sleeping with the son of their (now dead) political rivals ghjfgjf... like Joel feels 100% justified in the whole thing (and also rather enjoyed it, tyvm) but also,, he was probably grounded for literally a month if not longer afterwards hgjfhgjf.....

For Oli... I'm sure he's an absolute Joy to have in class if you know what I mean (/silly) like he is tormenting the halls of the palace and being a general nuisance but none of it would really be "worst thing ever" bc he's a prince and also just goofy so he's annoying but the staff loves him yk. I think what would be considered the "worst" thing though is gonna be in the next fic I post :3c

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them

Gosh... I mean... I do kill them kinda. That's pretty significant. Joel dies horribly and Oli is trapped in stone for 200 years. That's pretty awful.

But that hasn't happened Yet and I dunno if I'll ever have the heart to write that particular scene ghfjgd... like I know how it happens in my head. but. I can't do that to them by putting it in writing </3

Besides that... Oli's parents did die too. Still dunno if it was political conspiracy or not. But either way, that's pretty awful and traumatic for him- and he couldn't be with his best friend for a few months before that and then afterwards he STILL couldn't be with him for a while... brutal for him :(

And Joel's upbringing is just kinda... sad. He's sooo lonely and then he FINALLY gets a friend and of COURSE it's the ONE PERSON he's not allowed to really talk to and his parents aren't supportive at ALL of their friendship but they gotta grin and bear it bc yaayyy alliesss and it's so tense and awful and makes him feel guilty because it's like he's gotta choose his family or his only friend but his family was always so neglectful anyway so why would he choose them but that's his Home and- anyways. Any event involving that whole dynamic is his worst, hope this helps ^^

+ A headcanon relating to anger

Hmm... anger is tricky. I feel like Joel is definitely the kinda guy to bottle it all up because he's not allowed to Feel those things or Show them yk. So every once in a while he explodes into frustrated growls (yeah. he definitely growls. but it's like if an ouppy was baby growling,) and hot angry tears and it's just..... oh sweetheart,

I think Oli's kinda the opposite?? Y'know the post that's like "life shattering tragedy = oh rip L" but "mild inconvenience = i want to kill everything dead forever !!!" he's like that. Gets Real Mad over all the small things but when something Big happens he's just. oh. ok 👍

Like he's still mad, but he just goes blank. What's he supposed to even do. His brain just Stops Working once the mild inconveniences pile up to be too high. Yes he is awful at dealing with stress how could you tell /silly

😶 A random headcanon!

JOEL. LOVES. SNIFFERS.

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG. BUT HE LOVES THEM. SO SO MUCH.

Like it's a special interest of his but like unofficially. If given the chance he would 110% give up being royalty to go be a field researcher studying sniffers. But also not a field researcher because they're endangered :(

In my au I've decided sniffers are indeed still alive but they're (almost) all kept in one big sanctuary in Mezalea. Maybe there's a few wild ones left but like no one's seen em so it's assumed they're all there. I figured if this au takes place ~200 years before "canon empires" and also irl dodo birds were around in the 1800s... yeah sure, why not? Sniffers can be canon <3

Of course when Oli hears about this he absolutely learns how to shapeshift into one to impress Joel. Which absolutely works. Because oh my void sniffers,,,,

I can't really think of an Oli hc I've been wanting to talk about?? Just that 1) he regresses into small animals when things get Too Much, and 2) he likes to shapeshift into funny little animals to play with Joel sometimes ^^

(character ask game!)

[rev-pirate]

Random collection of SMoP au thoughts i’ve had this week

Pixlriffs gets to read poneglyphs and be wanted dead by the world government for it. as a treat. He’s might also have a devil fruit i am toying with ideas for and is traveling with Oli. Who i have even more fun thoughts about and will elaborate on at a later date

ZombieCleo having the revive fruit brook has and it took her soul… a bit of time to return to their body. Which means they still get to walk around looking like a zombie.

I think it would be fun to have Lizzie be the queen of fishman island. Still debating on the details of Jimmy in the au though but Lizzie and Jimmy being seablings has to happen if Lizzie is the queen of fishman island. I will continue work shopping jimmy’s situation though.

Several of the empires actually make for good world building to populate the world with more places and environments and i really appreciate that about it

An obvious idea is Grian being a bird zoan devil fruit user of some kind (likely parrot). But I think he’d pick it up late on and take him an almost embarrassing amount of time to get used to flying and not crash landing until suddenly it just Clicks for him and you cant keep him on the ground.

Obsessed with Scar having a fruit that allows him to temporarily turn an object to look like something else that will then revert back to its original form after x amount of time and him using that to scam people relentlessly by selling people what they dont know is actually just rocks, leaves, and candy wrappers or something

I know like with common fanon an easy fruit for tango would be the flame flame fruit but i am forever obsessed with steam punk mechanic aesthetic designs for Tango. And like. I think it would be so fun if his ability was magnetism/polarity like Kidd’s fruit. I have solid visions in my head of him just constructing whole machines super fast without needing tools for most of it because he’s just using his ability to fit the parts together all at once. and maybe the machines even work like a generous 35-40% of the time first try lmao

[shonkgobonk]

🪞- Are they in any way similar to a canon/popular slasher? Or directly based off one? If so, what one(s)?

👥 - Would they like a partner in crime, or do they prefer to do things on their own? If they do have one, who is it?

🎃 - What do you personally believe is most frightening about your OC? Are they scary in-universe or in a more meta way?

For anyone you would like!

🪞

Adonis-

Adonis wasn't entirely inspired by any canon or popular slasher, however I did get the idea of them taunting their victims from the original Scream, I had just seen it and I loved the idea of them just messing with people before eating them

Nyx

Nyx's personality wasn't designed off of any slasher, but eventually after tweaking her a bit she ended up being a tad similar to Billy Lenz. One eye, fluffy looking hair, sweater, gremlin energy. However Nyx would be too intimidated by Lenz' personality, he's just too much for her

👥️️

Adonis

They're fine working alone, it would be so much easier to lure people to places or to kill and take care of the bodies. However, for them, the problem is keeping their relationship retained and also keeping them safe. They can hide from law enforcement easily, but if their partner is human or can't change their appearance, they don't need them getting arrested or anything, it'll be worse for Adonis if they get hurt. They might have a partner in crime with @rottent33th 's Oli if teeth wouldn't mind 👀

Nyx

Nyx would love to have a partner in crime, just someone to help them out and also to help them figure out what their target would be, being able to figure out more bad people and taking them out.

Slashersona

One of my friends slasher ocs is their partner in crime and they're just awesome murder duo. Imagine Billy and Stu but they actually manage to never get caught and don't think of it as some huge movie.

🎃

Adonis

Honestly if Adonis were real, I'd be terrified because they can turn into anyone and are incredibly hard to put down. So if I was their target and they were real, I'd be fucked.

Nyx

Honestly Nyx only targets people who are mean to people for no reason or people who are mean to animals as some way to take revenge on her parents for just being absolutely awful to them. So, unless you're just plain mean for no reason, unless you're joking and the other person knows you're joking, you're safe. Not scary, honestly just has Stray cat vibes as well.

Slashersona

A lot of my characters are just "don't be a dick, and you'll be fine" and my slashersona is no different. Unless them and their friend just think it would be fun to mess with you, you should be in the clear as long as you're a decent person, so also not that scary.

[berlinini]

I don’t know if you’ll know the answer to this but I’ve been wondering. Why does Helen Seamons need to go on tour and be at events with Louis? Couldn’t she just send clothes with him?

Hi! I answered a similar question during tour but don’t know how to find it… basically Helen is responsible for the wardrobe (making sure it’s transported, it’s ironed/steamed) and then styling on the day off. When touring there’s many outfit to take care of, and Louis is busy doing other stuff, so it makes sense that it’s someone’s full time job. For the premiere, I understand why we might think that for a one night event Louis could probably do without her. But her being there means Louis (or Oli) doesn’t need to bother with that. I wonder if she might style Charlie and maybe other members of the team that might walk the red carpet. Also, we know how generous Louis is with his team, and it’s a big event, so I don’t see him excluding her just because he can steam his own polo (can he?!).

Also, as @seasurfacefullofclouds1 pointed out, Louis has worn many Japanese designers, so maybe Helen and him will use the opportunity to go shopping for future outfits. Maybe not together, but it would make sense for Helen to do that, maybe for other clients of her. Tokyo is an interesting destination for a stylist!

[pumpkin-bread]

Drunk Lair Review Numbr 2!!

HELLO @olissm​! I see your name here all the time and yea it’s nice! Hre comes oyur review and I hope you like it

Oh oh even the name. Qima. THAT WAS MY FIRST BLOG NAME. I still own the URL uh. Might remake it into an art blog eventually but don’t hold me to it. ENOUGH ABURT ME THO. HRELLO GUARDIAN

She... frankly soulnds like a friend I nneed. Kind and porotective, there to lead you to a safe place. Also I always get so fucking excitd about dryad lore, even though mine is more horror based. What a beautiful, well designed dragon.

Oh, the lore. An ancient being that tries so hard to be friends, to be kind. It hitst me in the heart. But so gently. A little kitten punch. I adore her and her shared lore with Qima. What a blessed place to have them both

/looks at next tab

dw this one doesn’t count

Hello, queen of the clan! Aaa I do so love spring. I love seafoam too, but less people seem to be inclined to give spring a change. chance. she is so lovely!! what a great g1 and leder

I’m um. A little concerned by her daughter’s need for potpourri. Is Lelei actually like. Alive and ok. Also how the FUCK DID I NAIL THE SPELLING OF POTPOURRI FIRSTR TY WOW

I really like the twin boys you have from this fam too but I thougth it might be not cool to focus on wone family so ONWARD

This lady is a good example of a well bealanced accent and apparel. PRetty. Beachy. Subtly... magic. Tha’t ls like one of my fave fest skins - I use it too! But you use it better tbh. She’s like a cross section of the shoreline. Lov her lore too

There’s something funny about a former himbo. he lost his himbo status. his himbo card was revoked. OH NO.How will he et into the colleyball club now

/reads more of his lore

oh. TAHT’S HOW. well he can be buddies with my boy Olie of he wants. He also got all plaguefucked

nwyay I LIKE HM

I hope you’ll foguve me for picking a dragon with no bio but I reALLY love how his apparel blends with hisaccent? Tha’ts really good!! The haori! Wwo!

nother example of REALLY GOOD DRESSING. the combos of pastels and incrediblly dark apparel makes me think of sinking into the sea. there may be shards of glimmering metal down there, but the depths are crushing and you’re running uit of air . You know?

Ohh she looks so sweet. I adore her. What a precious and well-loved snapper. There’s nothin I love more than that. Her guise and her mantle go SO well together. It’s really great! I see a lot fo care pullng her look together.

YOU DRESS YOUR SNAPPIES SO WELL!!! Look how good all the green is! So balanced, accenting her eyes and amking her feel so vibrant and alive. I love your outfits!

I remember Tidepool ‘v’

OH OH SO PRETTY

OHHHH HE;S PRETTY. His lineage is truly interesting and I’d love to learn more about him wow

Coho is very ood. Good g1. ery salmony indeed. Makes me nostalgic. There isn’t a nice way to say he makes me think of the smell of a salmon run but he does. That means the effect is working very ver well. good g1.

I hope you liked my review!! thank you!!

[pontsalin]

very out of teh blue, but i really wanna know what your empires s2 (and s1 if you wanna share) species/designs headcanons for teh emperors are? I LOVED werewolf Jimmy and think its sick, so i need to know if you have any more! You being gone from the start of the e2 fandom means you have a unique pov, which i why i wanan ask! No pressure, i'm just interested

I'm finishing my lineup right now, should be done this weekend but I can talk about them briefly

Basically: everyone is human, except the one that canonically aren't and Jimmy.

This season I'm more interested in the whole theme of "leaving a mark/ having people remember you", and I think it's more interesting if they're just human (with a few magic powers).

Not being caught up with everyone pov yet / not being familiar with all the lore, the only ones I headcanon to be non human is Jimmy (as a werewolf because I love werewolf cowboys, and he also has a huge dog energy, and it matches perfectly with fwhip's cat energy) and mayyybe Katherine? But I gotta watch her videos to be sure.

(i'd say Shelby as well but I'm pretty sure she's not human canonically? I think??????????)

Anyway I refuse to think Oli is anything but human (he's isekai-ed but in the most normal dude possible way), and I also desperatly need Sausage and Scott to be human (not couanswernting the magic powers) because I need to counter their main character energy

And since I don't know everyone's lore well yet, I don't have a lot of general headcanons for each... I hope you'll still see the little stuff I managed to think of when designing them though! Everyone has one or two

[zenasflower]

Flowers in Liverpool

Flowers are a surefire way to brighten up gloomy spots and cheer loved ones. From bespoke florists to high street favourites and e-commerce platforms there are plenty of options.

Situated in a Grade II-listed building that was once the Old Blind School pub, The Florist features a range of spectacular floral installations that are Instagram gold. Team their contemporary selection with the aesthetically modern Lyngby vase from Broste Copenhagen.

Mersey Flowers

From the manicured lawns of Allerton and Aigburth to the expansive green fields of Mossley Hill, Flowers in Liverpool is home to some of the most impressive parks in the UK. Monty Don takes us on a tour of the city's best gardens, while Adam Frost visits a Japanese garden and Frances Tophill admires a luscious green oasis.

Whether you’re looking for flowers to add to a dinner party or to send to a loved one, there are countless florists to choose from across Merseyside. From bespoke florists to high street favourites, here’s a list of the best flower shops in Liverpool to suit your needs.

A family-run florist in the heart of Liverpool, Fishlocks Flowers create bespoke floral displays and bouquets for all occasions. Their bespoke funeral tributes are an ideal choice to honour a loved one, especially for football fans - they can be made in any colour and come with a personalised message card. Pair their bespoke flowers with the aesthetically modern Lyngby vase by Broste Copenhagen to create a striking display on your mantelpiece.

A Slower Space

A Slower Space is a lifestyle store on Penny Lane, offering a carefully-curated selection of houseplants and flower bouquets. Their creative compositions would pair well with the aesthetically modern Bottoms Up Vase by Danish brand Hay. Founded by husband and wife team Michelle and Michael, the shop was inspired by their experiences travelling and living in Hong Kong.

They’ve been sourcing quirky anthropomorphic plant pots and Picasso-inspired tableware to complement work by Liverpool designers. The duo left their life in the fashion industry to open the boutique, bringing a unique twist to the street that is known for its Fab Four-related attractions.

They also specialise in bespoke wedding flowers, and are members of the Good Florist Guide. This means you can trust them to design a bouquet that will suit your occasion and make the right impression. You can order online, or pop in to collect your flowers. They offer free delivery on orders over £30.

Booker Flowers & Gifts

This flourishing floral boutique is the go-to florist for all things wedding flowers.

Bloom enthusiast Gemma and her creative team will help you elevate your venue and attire with fresh, vibrant blooms. From buttonholes and flower headdresses to enchanting car decor, they’ll create your dream wedding floral design.

They use top-grade flowers for their hand-crafted arrangements and have been rated Best Florist Liverpool by Three Best Rated and North West Regional Winner of the English Wedding Awards 2022. They also offer same day, three hour, and Sunday flower delivery in Liverpool as well as UK and worldwide delivery through Interflora.

Mia loves her varied career as a Florist and enjoys giving Flower School classes in her spare time. Oli started working at Booker Flowers and Gifts in 2019 as part of the Disability Confident scheme and loves his newfound skills and confidence. He is now a valued member of the team!

West End Flower Farm

Swapping the swarms of commuters for a peaceful stroll through an ancient oak woodland with a carpet of blue floral beauty underfoot sounds a little more appealing Flower Delivery in Liverpool. The beautiful Arlington Wood in Hampshire hosts a stunning display of delicate blue blooms from April to early May.

In addition to their online shop, the couple run flower workshops and small weddings on the farm. They’re also exploring the possibility of bringing in bees to help with pollination.

Having previously worked in the world of high level project management, Marianne Mogendorff and Camila Romain dreamed of a ‘good life’ that included a more grounded, nature filled work-life. So in 2017 they swapped the office for the countryside and opened Green and Gorgeous flower farm. They offer flower growing and floristry courses for beginners and professionals. In the spring there are bright tulips, roses and stocks; in summer meadow favourites like cornflowers and poppies are in full bloom; and in autumn rich dahlias can be found.

[vernalloy]

[ID: Notes on Oliver Sayle, an original character, drawn in pencil. He is a teenager with a square face, sharp nose, and trapezoidal jaw. He has short hair. His bangs are square on the top and have a cowlick coming out of the left. The back of his hair flares out and stops above his chin. His eyes, cheeks, and nose are colored in.

In the upper left corner, there is a bust of him looking to the side with a flat expression. He is labeled, "What is wrong with this fictional white boy?"

To the right are various drawings of him, in 2 rows of two with a fifth drawing beneath. The first row shows him from the chest up, one arm laid across a surface and the other propping him up with his elbow. He sits up straight, and says, "I don't need friends. Everyone is below me." In between the left and the right is a large "But". In the right drawing, he crosses his arms and hunches, saying, "If you leave me I'll hurt myself."

Above Row two's left drawing is a large "And". The drawing itself has Oli winding up for a swing with a nailed bat. "Authority doesn't mean anything to me. I'll do whatever I want." "But." The right drawing has someone offscreen say, "You're mean to me." Oliver raises his hands with a surprised, hurt expression, and says, "Fuck! I'll change I swear." A box beside him displays, "-10 morale."

Below the drawings is a final sketch, indicated with an arrow labeled, "Despite this". Oli smiles wryly and declares, "I'm so normal."

To the left of the drawings is a bullet point list.

"Never my fault"

Rejection sensitive

Egotistical

Fragile

Sets self as ultimate authority

Bends to anyone he likes

Oscillates relationships between admiration and hatred

Unstable interpersonal & intrapersonal

The last two entries are starred. End ID.]

Oli work again, with new design.

[t-kiss]

Meet my F/O: Hydros from Dis/ney Her/cules <3

🗺️ Give us an overview of your F/O’s canon

He’s from the 1997 dis/ney movie Her/cules, and is one of the 5 minor antagonists alongside the other titans. The movie’s premise revolves around Ha/des trying to get rid of Her/cules so that he can take over Mount Oly/mpus and become king of the gods.

Ha/des even goes so far as to trick her/cules into giving up his strength, but, ultimately, at the end of the movie, Her/cules manages to regain his strength and defeat the titans and ha/des. He even manages to save his friend and love interest meg/ara from death, rescuing her from the river styx.

(Not even touching on his king/dom hea/rts appearances, of which there are many lol)

❣️ Tell us about your F/O

Hydros is portrayed in the movie as somewhat mindless, though he really doesn’t seem to be. In reality he seems to be the quiet type who likes to have as much information as he can before speaking, though when he was freed from tarta/rus he did in fact cry out that he’d like to freeze zeus.

📷 Show us some pics of them/Give us a description of what they look like

(Hydros is the second one from the left, and is blue)

He’s a very, very tall icy creature, and he looks somewhat skeletal. He also appears to have been inspired, design wise, by both the sharpness of ice but also by dragons.

👀 What drew you to selfship with them?

Big spooky ice monster that doesn’t look human and has magic powers. /hj

In all honesty I saw him on the screen and I felt a really strange connection to him (I was a small child who was socially ostracized) and somehow instead of that connection being forged with Her/cules, it was to him. Besides, he seems like he would actually be quite levelheaded if he wasn’t constantly put in situations where he couldn’t be. 

🤝 Describe your S/I’s relationship with them

He’s so dumb (affectionate) he pretends he doesn’t need anybody or anything, but I blow one kiss in his direction, and he ceases to function all together. I’m the warmth and he’s the cold so we balance each other out.

Apparently, I am “too hot headed” and “hold grudges” but i think he’s pretty similar on the “holding grudges” front. He does take a lot more to make him mad though.

🔥 Share some kinky headcanons you have for them

Technically since hydros means water, he is a thirsty boy and he occasionally waterbloats (my stupid little guy)

He needs lots of tender care whenever he overeats or bloats himself, will actively seek me out and lay on my lap for belly rubs.

Hydros gets really really shy and flustered whenever i tell him he’s cute, so sometimes i like to pat his belly and call him my handsome boy and i think he likes it hehe

Whenever he overeats, he gets really hiccuppy and whiny, and before he seeks me out (and sometimes even when he does) his stomach is really loud and gurgly and he just pokes it and complains.

🌈 Share some other headcanons you have for them

The other titans in the movie (Stratos: air / Lithos: rock / Pyros: fire / and Arges: technically a cyclops) are like his siblings, and he is a very protective brother.

Selectively mute (the only people he finds himself able to talk around are his brothers and me. sometimes he still struggles though… he doesn’t like when that happens)

In the king/dom hea/rts games they make it canon that he can change his size, which is how he is defeated in the game. (he uses that ability to snuggle me more effectively.)

He’s got very cold hands and he likes to touch me with them while giggling, he also likes being wrapped in blankets to sleep. I got us each our own, so we don’t steal them from each other.

~~

He is so underappreciated in the movie and the games, and I need to be loud about my appreciation for him before the new movie comes out. <3

[tomblar]

A Matter of Terminology

The Self as a Site for Research

Conversation with Oli Stratford

Michael Kaethler

OS:

How do you see the auto-ethnographic turn in design: is it a description of something, a framework that could be useful for designers to employ, or something else? What is it and how do you position it?

MK:

This is something that we're trying to grapple with. It describes a pattern that we have witnessed in design over the last decade, a type of design that rises out of poeticism, out of an exploration of the self and its particular context. We want to describe it, give it a name, recognize it as something more than an outlying exception to design–something that is worthy of its own category. As a researcher, I must admit to being keen on applying taxonomies and categories, even if I accept that these are inherently fuzzy, as practice does not adhere to theory, but rather the other way round. In giving it a name, we can engage with it on a deeper level, seek to understand what it means for practice, how it has evolved, whence it came, and perhaps also where it is going and how this will affect other practices within design.

OS:

You frame the book in contrast to certain tendencies in design such as solutionism, which in focusing on the idea of a solution can somewhat remove the designer from the equation. It frames the work as being the designer designing for others, for the many, but not necessarily for themselves. Do you think that putting more of the designer into the work, and acknowledging that at least an aspect of design is a personal response to the world, is liberating for designers?

MK:

Absolutely. There is a recognition here of the designer. For too long, the designer has either been the 'star' (with a focus on ego and grand or fashionable projects) or all too absent (with a focus on design as a kind of science which understands the designer as fulfilling a more technical role of addressing problems). We are looking at acknowledging a different aspect of the designer and foregrounding them within the design process, recognizing that design research is deeply personal and that design need not only be for others but also for the self (coming from a deep personal need or desire, and addressing one's own specific world).

OS:

What I find interesting is the move to classify these types of projects under auto-ethnographic design. A lot of the designers I speak to say that they want to escape labels, particularly given that whole discussion around how design sits next to art, and what the difference between the two is. find the most interesting answers to that come from the practitioners who don't really care, and who are not particularly concerned with disciplinary boundaries because they don't do anything helpful for their work.

MK:

I would suggest that there are many who are struggling to understand what it is that they're doing, who would benefit from these distinctions in order to position their work for themselves and to a wider audience. would also suggest that a taxonomy around a practice can embolden the constitutive characteristics, providing a permissiveness to emerge. There is a concern amongst designers that their work might be too 'artsy,' too much about extravagant expression. A taxonomical space can provide safety to develop these practices, valorizing them, and encouraging the further pushing of boundaries.

OS:

That does make me question what the terminology of auto-ethnography offers that others don't, however, such as authorship. One idea that immediately comes to mind is that while auto-ethnography is intensely personal, it also suggests a sense of cultural critique and a connection to broader social issues. Even though it acknowledges it the subjectivity in design, the positioning also suggests that you can still latch onto things outside of yourself. Perhaps auto-ethnographic design, with its history in the social sciences, emphasizes that outwardness in a way that authorship doesn't make quite so explicit-that this form of design may be personal and expressive, but it's also research and critique. In contrast, perhaps there's a risk that authorship could be misunderstood as emphasizing expressiveness for expressiveness's sake, without the same inclination towards research.

MK:

Yes, I agree with much of what you're saying. Authorship is an integral part of auto-ethnography but it is not its entirety. Auto-ethnography is about the position we take in trying to understand and change the world, recognizing the position of the self as an essential starting point for that understanding. Perhaps you could say that it's a form of applied authorship as a method for exploring the self and one's context.

OS:

think there may be something important that stems from talking about authorship or auto-ethnographic design, and presenting the self as a site for research. The self is always present in design, just to differing extents. For this reason, I find it exciting how authorship and auto-ethnography could influence how the self is articulated in other forms of design, such as product design or industrial design. These types of design are not as far removed from authorship as we might assume, and re-centering those practices through an auto-ethnographic lens could potentially nudge these fields towards more explicitly personal forms of practice.

MK:

What danger do you see in giving this term life?

OS:

I find that you get these increasingly baroque descriptions of what designers are doing. The more you try to pin it down, the more it wriggles free. I am more a fan of just saying 'designer' without further elaboration. Artists do that, for instance, and there doesn't seem to be quite the same anxiety about not being specific in that field. Perhaps there is an insecurity about doing it in design because the field has been so hooked with commerce and lifestyle, and with so many elements that are seen as being shallow or unsavoury in society, that designers want to strategically distance themselves from all that. So descriptions of a specific type of design sometimes seem to be as much about rejecting other forms of design as they are saying anything positive: it's almost like saying 'I'm not that kind of designer' as a form of identity. I think it's possible that terms like auto-ethnographic design could give some strength and support for certain design practices to grow, which will in the end also help reshape the broader understanding of design. In this sense, it could perhaps be seen a as a useful ladder that we climb up, but which ultimately becomes redundant when its specific qualities become integrated within design at large. Often when we need a new piece of terminology, it's to bring attention to something that is otherwise neglected. Authorship does some good work in doing this because the degree of subjectivity that goes into design is not widely appreciated. However, in doing so it may miss out on other things, such as the element of research that you cover in auto-ethnographic design. But ultimately these terms hopefully fade away to the point of course designers do this,' and thus are no longer necessary. Which is itself a kind of vindication of the terminology that it becomes absorbed into the general language of design.

MK:

Indeed, hopefully the auto-ethnographic turn in design is just that, a turn, and these practices will over time be fully integrated and accepted within the wider design practice. I see this turn as potentially being able to expand design, pushing its boundaries (uncomfortably sometimes) and perhaps also building closer bridges or dissolving distinctions between the arts, design, and anthropology. Designers are becoming increasingly aware that their practices offer a nuanced interpretation of the material realm and that this is highly useful for not only expression, cultural critique, serving some function or utility, but also research in academia or in various policy settings. Today when you speak of design research it's often about the types of design that are easily transformed or captured by academia (accessible practices and outputs), or perhaps about the by academics themselves. This type of design being carried out either through how the type of design is open to analysis, practice is conceived or the intention of its outputs. However, other forms direction and poetic or 'artistic' forms and not considered as of design, tend to of design, the more be relegated to expression valid forms of research in and of themselves, or only to be the site of research by someone other than the designer. This book hopes to shift this dynamic by emphasizing the important knowledge and research that can emerge from a materially oriented self-exploration.

OS:

When I hear the term 'research' I tend to think about large research projects. But there's something very healthy and helpful about seeing design objects as research and not just as frippery or pretty objects. Not that there's anything wrong with frippery or prettiness, but anything that can point out that these things can be serious pieces of research too is useful and valuable. I guess it's worth remembering that terminologies are not totally neutral and that they have value judgements baked in. The term object is reasonably neutral, I suppose, although of course there are still presuppositions, but something like 'research' implies a huge value judgement. We all love research, and it's perceived as having considerable value. So when we use that term--when we decide what we'll allow to be deemed research and what we won't-we're making a whole series of judgments. Design is often undervalued as a method for research, so I like that auto-ethnography flags that aspect of it up quite clearly.

MK:

Indeed. And the term 'research' also has its hidden agendas, which do not always play so well for design. On one hand, it legitimizes design in a new way, seeing it as a way of understanding things and not just making them. But it has also led to an increasing academicization of design, which has included new rules, formulations, and actors that are constraining some of the more artistic oriented forms of design. I am hoping that the auto-ethnographic angle can both enable recognition of a more creative and expressive form of research while at the same time remain too abstract and materially oriented for the mainstream academic gaze.

OS:

I am interested in how this may prompt reflection from a wider design audience (non-academics) and if it will help designers theorize or make sense of their work in a different way. Do you think that by putting this terminology out there that it will shape the way people design? To what extent does a new category shape design a practice?

MK:

An awareness of what one does certainly can help refine and crystalize practices, it also celebrates it. We're not bringing this practice into life; it's been around for decades. However, this book is about acknowledging it as a unique and important mode of practice within design. Giving it some recognition is the least we can do but I suspect that in recognizing it, we are also giving these types of practices louder voice and conceptual support. I don't see auto-ethnography as an identity, as in I'm an auto-ethnographic designer,' but rather as a way of describing a practice and in some cases also the objects that emerge from this practice.

OS:

I suppose one important thing about terminology is that it shows a different way to carve something up. It challenges the tendencies to constantly analyze things in the same way. The ways in which we currently frame design are not set in stone and there are other ways to think about these things. It may be time to think of design as a serious mode of research.

MK:

Putting the 'auto' in front of ethnography raises questions on whether we need more self-description. I wonder if auto-ethnographic design will be a controversial term, loved by outliers and resented by more established factions within design.

OS:

I would be surprised if it isn't divisive. New terminologies usually are because they bring different aspects of the field to light that haven't been well appreciated before. It's easy to bristle at change or to interpret a new term as a critique of what has come before. Equally, new terminologies often come into criticism for pomposity, or navel gazing, or emptiness -which is sometimes fair.

MK:

Perhaps auto-ethnographic design provides a framework that values navel gazing, understanding the intrinsic value in design.

OS:

We see art as producing all kinds of values-aesthetic, commercial, even ethical to an extent. We accept that art can provide a range of values, but when it comes to design, we don't seem to see such a range. I don't think design is always perceived as a legitimate vehicle for cultural expression, or else as providing a sense of therapy for the practitioner in the way that, for example, literature is-the idea that somebody just has to write and that's good for them. But there is nothing intrinsic about design that means that it couldn't have these kinds of values. suppose these tendencies are just hallmarks of the past and of how we conceived of design when it was very clearly linked to industry, despite there being a number of examples across the last century of it doing a whole range of different things. I think design still seems to provoke a faint sense of bafflement if it's not being deployed for problem solving or to generate commercial value. That is strange, because there are not many disciplines that are quite so hemmed in as that. For example, within writing you can have beautiful, literary writing that isn't practical or doesn't provide clear answers, and that's wonderful; similarly, you can have text which is as dull as dishwater, but which is worth persevering through because there's much to be gained by struggling through it. It's the same with art: we have no problem admitting that it's very catholic as a field, and can be all sorts of things. But I never get the sense that everybody feels that they can legitimately talk about design as a way of creating an assortment of values.

MK:

Using new language to describe design, such as this book does, might a be a method for pushing design's boundaries-in the case of this book, towards the arts. It expands what design can be or mean.

OS:

Yes, exactly. There's a certain ballsy-ness about it-saying something deliberately strong to shake a preconception.

MK:

Yes, and to do so by not talking about design vis-à-vis the arts. Art has long made claims to meaning making; making space for meaning making in design is a worthy pursuit.

OS:

I think that design doesn't necessarily have the language to justify that kind of work at present. We tend to talk about 'art-design,' because the type of value that this form of design brings us is recognized in art, but not so much in design. We tack on the 'art' in order to provide that indication. There is nothing necessarily wrong with that-and I'm a fan of not worrying too much about the boundaries between the two-but it's a shame that design doesn't have a terminology of its own, because it risks leaving it trapped in something of a parasitic relationship. It ends up feeling like design needs to tap into the arts to justify itself, because there is not an internal means to recognize those values. It leaves design as something of a country cousin to art: someone who is a little less urbane, a little less open to so many things, and whose concerns are all rather functional and rough and ready. Maybe that is a good way of looking at it: if a terminology is going to be useful, how were people describing that practice beforehand? If they had to rely on the vocabulary from another discipline, maybe that is a good reason to define it in its own right. It is, of course, fine to borrow vocabulary from other areas, but it feels much healthier to do so when those areas are in a mutual relationship with influences that go back and forth. In this case, I don't know if that is always the the case. The people involved in type of work that is described in this book often have to go to the arts to talk about their practices. But why is that, and what does it suggest is missing in design? Who knows. Maybe similar problems will arrive with using auto-ethnography – particularly as it's a term you're borrowing from anthropology.

[x3rrorx]

This is long but I’m so tired of the fandom shitting on Noah every chance they get because they take everything he says literally and personally. He has always been blunt and says exactly what he means. I don’t know why people twist his words or project feelings onto him just because he isn’t screaming his adoration for the fans from the mountaintops every day, making himself available on social media, and putting on a big fake smile for their performances to prove he’s happy to be there. So many bands have been so problematic with scandals and have not faced half the criticism from their fan base as this band has for such small, inconsequential things like not liking merch designs, deleting social media, not posting an end of year Spotify wrapped thank you thing???

People keep saying Noah looks bored on stage or like he isn’t excited lately. I personally have only seen videos of him having fun so far, but I’d also take into consideration that even though these are the biggest shows they’ve ever played, they’re there to support one of the biggest bands in the scene. I’m sure there’s a lot of pressure to put on a good performance vocally and I’d imagine that takes a level of concentration and limits the amount of movement and running around on stage he can do.

I’m sure playing arenas for the first time also means larger crowds, more pressure, potentially more nerves. There’s jet lag, there’s exhaustion from tour in general, you never know what someone is contending with in their personal life off stage as well, etc. Not to mention, how many times have they described themselves as dark, dramatic, cinematic. Those aren’t really adjectives that translate to dancing and smiling the way Oli does on stage, for example.

Also, the band tours like CRAZY. More than any band I’ve seen in a long time. They are always on the road for just about the last 2-3 years and I don’t think they’d spend so much time out and about if they didn’t enjoy performing or weren’t excited about it. With the way their merch sells out and the money they’re now making from radio play there isn’t as much of a financial need as there was before to tour tour tour. I’m sure they could get away with performing less if that was truly the case. Noah wouldn’t have pushed himself in the fall to perform when he’s sick if he didn’t care about being there. They also wouldn’t try so hard to put on a good show, put so much time, thought, effort, money into the production of the show if they didn’t care about the experience of the fans who came there to see and support them.

If he was truly bored and didn’t give a fuck I’m sure he wouldn’t sound nearly as good, wouldn’t push himself, wouldn’t be working so hard on his physical health to keep in shape, wouldn’t try so hard on stage production. Noah would also give heartfelt speeches before, yes, but this isn’t their headlining tour. They’ve been thanking the crowd and I’m sure when it’s their UK headliner the speeches about how much it means will come back because they’ll know the crowd at those shows came for THEM.

As for the phones, everyone needs to understand that artists want to see people dancing, singing, engaging with him while he’s on stage. When everyone has their phone out the whole time, it’s harder to get that energy back from the crowd because you don’t see faces and people aren’t moving as much. It doesn’t mean they hate that you record and take photos, nor does it mean you should stop if that’s something you want and like to do. You paid to be there, you can do what you please. But let’s not spin it to sound like he hates the fans taking videos. He’s said himself they don’t mind! But try and understand where he’s coming from as a performer. If you were up on that stage I’m sure you’d rather see moshing and dancing and faces than phones and people standing around singing quietly and keeping their cameras still to get good content. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him having that preference and commenting on how the appreciates the UK being present during shows because that’s out of the norm for them, and that’s cool as a frontman to see.

Fans are meant to listen to the music, come out to the shows, have a good time, and maybe buy some merch. Please be a fan of the BAND and participate in the way that makes you happy instead of finding ways as a fan to be disgruntled because one dude says he wishes people were on their phones less, or saying the band hates their female fanbase because they don’t make feminine merch items. They give us so much—two new records coming, frequent merch drops, always touring, the comics. If you can’t appreciate all of that and feel entitled to more, I don’t know what kind of fan you are.

Perfectly said 👑