#but tbh they need to raise the stakes better and let people stay dead

[catharusustulatus]

I just know. I just KNOW. That they’re bringing Eddie back, and the season will play out like this:

Vecna turns Eddie into Kas

The gang goes looking for Eddie’s body (in the UD or using El’s powers) and can’t find him

Kas! Eddie escapes or is sent out of the UD and starts trailing the gang

Dustin trusts Eddie and doesn’t listen to Steve or the gang, and it doesn’t go well

Either Kas! Eddie kills or hurts Steve, and Dustin blames himself and then sends them on a quest to go back in time to save Steve or stop Eddie’s death or something, or Kas! Eddie steals Steve or “turns” him

The rest of the season is about time travel and preventing season 5 from happening while some of the gang fight the government bad guys in the present 

The only other way I can think they would bring him back is Dustin and the gang have nightmares/visions of Eddie’s mangled body due to guilt and taunting from Vecna.

Will it happen? We shall see. But I bet you….

[redphlox]

on star & stripes and misogyny

tbh Horikoshi probably thought he was being progressive and inclusive by giving both the strongest quirk in the world and the #1 American hero title to a woman, but his track record of mutilating his women characters (Lady Nagant, Big Sis Magne, Midnight, Miruko, etc) and/or sidelining them (Ochako, Momo, etc) detracts from the impact this was supposed to have and instead adds to the long list of internalized misogynistic elements in his work. In this essay I will

Lol. No, really though. Star and Stripes served the narrative purpose she was created for. To the citizens of the bnha-verse she was the person that was supposed to beat the ultimate evil and make everything okay in a “well, if she can’t do it, no one can” type of way. BUT, Horikoshi introduced her with the purpose of her failing. She was never supposed to win. Why? Because a story needs a challenge to stay interesting. The stakes need to be raised for the heroes, and their fighting abilities, strengths, resilience, morals, and determination need to be tested (“how are we ever going to win now?!?!”).

Like, now that Star is probably dead, the heroes will have to go SUPER DUPER PLUS ULTRA!!! to save the day. AFO/Shigaraki taking that powerful quirk away from the strongest hero in the world is supposed to be terrifying for the people in BNHA and is supposed to stir suspense in the readers. AFO/Shigaraki are OP now. That’s the whole point fo introducing Star & Stripe. Things will get worse for the heroes (and Shigaraki) before it gets better, which is a steady and slow progression that’s been present since the war arc: there’s mass chaos and lawlessness, hopelessness, confusion, less heroes, more villains…

What I’m trying to say is basically, Horikoshi utilized Star & Stipes well (not saying it was perfect) but his track record of killing his female characters makes his handling of her and her sacrifice feel like a repeat of all the other female heroes that have died. It speaks volumes that as soon as she appeared, the readers knew she was going to die and are disappointed but not surprised. She’s a woman with has a god-tier quirk but still succumbs to the power of a man. Like I said, this wouldn’t be such a let down if that track record of mutilating women didn’t exist.

[sortasirius]

“Unity” and the Broken Boys

BOY Y’ALL BETTER SIT DOWN BECAUSE THIS IS AS LONG AS CAN BE AND I TOOK OFF WORK TOMORROW SO I’VE GOT TIME

This is....one of the best episodes in the show.  Yeah, in all 325 of them, this is hands down one of the best.

First of all, stan Amara for clear skin.

That silent treatment babey, right out the gate with the Angst.  Tbh Dean deserves it.

“Like I said, killing Amara, Jack dying...that’s the only way.”

“The only way.  Our one shot.  Our Last chance.  You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?”

“We don’t have to like it, alright?  But you and me, we gotta get it done.”

Amara is such a welcome energy in this whole episode.  She’s warm and understanding, whip-smart and probably more powerful than Chuck.  I love her.

Sam is a wonderful, understanding, loving dad.  I love him eternally.  He loves Jack so much, he’s trying so desperately to do what’s right for Jack but also what’s right for the world.  Jack made this choice, but he can’t live with it.  How do you support your child when their life is at stake?

“Come on man.  Blindly following orders, lying to Amara, sending her to her death. Does any of this feel right to you??”

“It doesn’t matter how we feel!  You know what?  Stay.  Stay.  Someone has to be the grown up here.”

“Yeah well someone has to keep fighting for Jack!”

“He knows what he signed up for!”

“Last I checked, we don’t give up on family.”

“Jack’s not family.”

Y’all should have heard the noise I made.  What a fucking line.

“I know how you feel about the kid, I care for him too, I do, but he’s not like you.  He’s not like Cas.  He’s just not.”

“I’m- I’m ready.”

You can see the regret, the heartbreak in Dean’s eyes.  You can see how he wants to take those words back the moment he said them, and for Jack to hear them?  It’s unthinkable.

Sam and Cas I’m just so fucking emo dude.

“Sam, you stayed behind to find another way huh?  I woulda done the same.”

AMARA

First of all, LOVE this structure.

Amara and Chuck have such a fascinating dynamic.  Rob and Emily do a great job (as they have all along) by clearly being siblings but...heightened.  You can just tell they both exude power, and the other is the only one they consider an equal.

“You and Dean had that whole weird...thing.”

“That wasn’t you writing?”

“Ugh, not that part.  Gross.”

What I took away from this is what I’ve suspected all along.  They HAVE free will, just not total free will.  Dean and Amara’s connection wasn’t Chuck, there are parts of the story he didn’t write.  Obviously, this comes into play later. 

I also have a hunch that Chuck doesn’t write romance.  I also think that in particular will come into play.

“Balance.  Something we’ve never tried before.  Creation and destruction, light and dark, brother and sister united again, but on behalf of one world, this world.  True balance.  The way it was always meant to be.  But you can’t.  You only care about your pleasure, your story.  Well, I guess that makes you the villain.”

“Villains get all the best lines.”

We see again and again this season, Chuck is irredeemable.  He doesn’t care about the angels, he doesn’t care about the world, he doesn’t care about anything.  He is a petulant toddler who has broken his toys. And when he realizes he’s trapped, he gets angry, he shouts and screams, completely at odds with Amara’s peace.

“You can’t hold me here forever.”

“I can hold you long enough.”

DEAN

Pain is the name of the game in this section homies.  Because not only are we dealing with Dean’s pain, we’re also dealing with Jack’s.  Jack says he understands why Cas and Sam mean more to Dean, but Dean clearly doesn’t, he, once again, wants to say more, but is stopped, still stopped by his fear: his fear of not beating Chuck.

Alright guys, gals, and non-binary pals.  Let’s talk about Adam and Seraphina.

Adam.  The first man.  And Seraphina.  The angel.

“My old lady.  She’s the only one who could put up with me all these years.”

Yeah okay.  Volume at 100 I get it lmao.

But also: Adam wants God dead not because he and Eve were kicked out of the Garden, but because he went after their sons.  The theme of protecting the children strikes again.

“Killing God is your plan?”

“Yeah, Billie’s been giving us a hand but Sera and me, this is our baby.”

This juxtaposed directly with Dean’s own pain at what he has to do to kill Chuck, to gain his free will: the cost of his child.

Adam’s rib.

And who else might get his ribs hurt, only to be likely healed by an angel?

It’s fine, that’s fine.  I’m fine with that.

“Jack, I don’t know how to explain it but, when I found out about Chuck, it’s like I wasn’t alive.  Not really.  You know like my whole life I’ve never been free, but like really free.  But now?  Now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life, without all this crap on our backs.  And that’s, that’s because of you.  So, I want to say, I need to say...thank you, Jack.  Thank you.”

I’m gonna have to do a separate post about just Dean in this episode, because there is so fucking much to talk about, but there are a couple of things that I think are important:  Dean realizes how wrong he was, to say what he said.  He knows that it’s not true, this is the way he’s always coped with loss, by pushing the person to be lost away, but for Jack to hear it?  He can’t stand for that.

And:

Dean has finally pushed through the barrier.  He won’t be quiet in the face of his doubts anymore.  This is a breakthrough for him, and, of course, there are more to come.

SAM

Sam and Cas, my chaos duo.

The box, the inscription, the door.

Death’s library, filled with dead reapers.

And there it is.  The Empty.

It tells Sam the plan, the plan for Billie to take God’s place.  For everything to go back to the way it’s “supposed to be.”

This has always been the game, since season 13.  This is the longest of long games.

Sam fuckin Winchester, lying his way out of a confrontation with the Empty like the legend that he is.

He comes back with a new purpose: to stop Billie’s plan, and here’s where we get to the heart of the episode and maybe the heart of the season.

“You hear that?  Dean, brought to the edge of doubt.  His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end.  And poor Sam, always gotta know everything.  Can’t leave well enough alone.  This is my ending, my real ending.”

The gun comes out, pointed at Sam.

Hmm...what did I say during 15x05?  Oh yeah, this.

And:

Dean would never survive killing Sam, but he’s willing to do anything, anything to earn his freedom.  His ending, where one brother kills the other and then kill himself.

Why, you might ask, did Sam not mention that the angels would be sent back to Heaven, why does he not mention Cas?  I’ll tell you why, or rather, Becky will.

Plus, Dean looks back at Cas IMMEDIATELY when Sam says that, when he mentions Eileen, and THAT’S the first time he hesitates.  He can’t lose Cas.  But at the same time, he’s willing to do anything to have his freedom.

“Sam we don’t have a choice, Jack’s about to blow!”

“We always have a choice!”

You know me, just sitting here thinking about choice, the ability to choose, and how that translates to their free will.

And Sam...I don’t think there will ever be characters I love as much as these.

“I don’t care if Billie gets what she wants!  I don’t man, I’d trade it all, I’d trade em all for Chuck.  In a heartbeat!”

“What about me?”

“You’d trade me?”

“Chuck has to die.  He has to!  Otherwise he’ll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can’t live like that man, I can’t live like that, I won’t!”

“I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do, but you gotta trust me.  My entire life, you’ve protected me.  From Dad, from Lucifer, from everything.  I didn’t always like it, you know?  But it’s the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on.  It’s the only thing I’ve ever known that was true.  So please, put the gun away.  Just put it away.  We’ll figure it out, Dean, we’ll find another way, you and me.  We always do.”

Okay I feel like this is going to be one of those scenes that I cry watching for years to come.  Because fuck.  After fifteen years they finally admit that not only did Dean protect Sam from Lucifer, but he protected him from John.  John.  On a par with Lucifer.

Dean and Sam have, for so many years, sacrificed themselves for the other.  Dean’s demon deal, Sam and the trials, every season they have fought to see who can die the quickest for the other.  But this?  This is them fighting to stop the violence, to stop from killing the big bad.  This is them growing, in our eyes, in real time.  Sam has always been able to get through to Dean when no one else had a prayer, but for Dean to listen, for Dean to take his words to heart, to stop the hunt for Sam, for their family, that’s how you know they do have free will.

(Btw Chuck’s eye effect when he dusted Amara was sick as fuck but I’m emo for my boys so.)

Chuck knows it’s a loss, he knows that his story has, once again, been thwarted by the boys making their own choices.  And he’s pissed, but in his anger, we get a bomb dropped on us.

“Spare me your contempt Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday.  You know what every other version of you did after “gripping him tight and raising him from perdition”?  They did what they were told.  But not you.  Not the one off the line with a crack in his chassis.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Also, just worth bringing up this one as well:

Every Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell.  Every one told him the same thing.  And yet, immediately, with this Cas and this Dean, something was different.  Because what has everyone seen about Cas, from the moment he met Dean?

And there’s our endgame people.  Laid out on the line.

But we ain’t done yet, fam.

We’ve talked about the handprint, but you know:

So there you have it, our prep into the “monumental” 15x18.  I have spec on that, of course, but I think a novel is long enough for this.

What to take away: Dean’s rage was always Chuck’s plan, they do have free will, their love for each other, for their family, is what will stop Chuck’s control, Death is about to come back with a vengeance, Cas’ deal is at play, and, most importantly, Castiel and Dean Winchester are a blind spot for Chuck, something he has never, not once, controlled.

[melonsmessymusings]

Just seen a post about S6&S3 parallels and @rachaeljurassic made some super interesting points in the tags about Giles’ departure and how INFURIATING it is that I really want to expand upon, so I guess this one’s for you :) I get it, the mentor figure needs to be gotten out of the way in order to progress Buffy’s own arc, that’s fine. It narratively makes complete sense, but it was handled badly.

@rachaeljurassic suggested that maybe we could’ve gotten him out of the way with a coma. I vibe with that. Let’s have the head injuries catch up to him and have him totally incapacitated. Big battle, dire injuries, that works. We could still have Buffy spiralling after, but this time she’d be blaming herself because Giles got hurt as a result of her being the Slayer (even though he’d never blame her for it and it isn’t her fault except for like twice). That also works better because it would be more in character than having Giles go “I know you can’t even breathe right now but I’m gonna flake because you need to be a grown up. Even though when I was your age I was raising demons, doing dr*gs and having orgies so like lmao.” Plus, have a couple of gratuitous scenes of a very injured Giles being visited by someone to pepper throughout the season that were pre-recorded so we don’t get confused as to why they wouldn’t be sat there with him at least every now and then to make us cry. Imagine a scene with Buffy in a hospital room watching a ventilator force air into her Watcher to keep him alive and pouring her heart out because she’s terrified with no idea what to do and he always knew and she needs him and just cries. You could even have it where he’s like slowly deteriorating or something and Dark!Willow uses her magic to cure him so that would explain how he just got better and was like... fine.  

I also love the idea of him having a total breakdown after Buffy’s death. I absolutely thrive off him becoming a completely numb droid (he probably was and only bothered to put on façade for the Scoobies but that’s for another day) and the Scoobies decided it’d be better for him to try and find a new purpose in life by sending him to England. We could’ve had like the first episode of them helping him settle with the Coven or something and it’d have been AWFUL to watch, but it would make sense and then when Buffy gets resurrected, they just don’t tell him and they tell Buffy that the grief killed him or something like that? idk... or having them explain that Giles isn’t Giles anymore and he’s doing better (because Tara gets updates from the Coven) but being in Sunnydale was killing him and they never told him that Buffy was resurrected. That wedges the group dynamic enough tbh and would cause Buffy to turn to Spike because he’d have had no clue about anything except that Giles had gone off the bloody rails big time and it was good he was away from this hellhole. 

Family emergency? Let’s be honest, the Giles family are probably scum so I’d buy that way less but it’s still more convincing than what actually happened. 

Another suggestion was having the Council snatch him. I also adore this. That would make sense. But let’s have them make it look like they killed him because I love that. So they send in a team, take him away but make it look like he’s been completely murdered. 

My idea is that they put a glamour or something on a vampire to make it look like Giles (but the audience don’t know this yet) and so Buffy drops by and finds a body that is in every way identical to Giles in a destroyed apartment and just breaks and is like clutching at him or something and there’s blood and its horrendous. Then you could either have swoopy Council guys come in and take Giles away when he ‘wakes up’ as a vampire because “there’s a procedure to this Miss Summers” or have her stake him herself then and there because after Angelus she’s taking no chances. Could you imagine the emotional payoff of that? She then has to go and tell the others, who don’t believe her but they all see the apartment, bloodstains and pile of dust and they all have to cope with the grief of losing him throughout the season in addition to everything else.

But wait! There’s more. Travers ends the episode with a folder in front of him, a report from the team that carried out the operation and smiles saying something evil like “I warned her of dealing with grown ups” so the audience all thinks that Giles got offed by the Council. 

BUT REALLY Giles was taken and held in a like prison facility thing, very much alive. Then we get like a showdown of Giles chained to a chair in this cell being forced to watch the video footage of the whole operation and Travers telling him that it’s over and his oh so precious Slayer will end up killing herself with guilt/grief and the Council can have a new start because they’re going to off Faith too. And the last shot is Giles crying in a dank hole.

As far as the audience goes: imagine having Giles showing up at the end of S6 if THAT had been the departure? It’s already an “AAAAAHHHHHH HOLY SHIT!” moment but it’d be magnified tenfold. Then Buffy being completely confused because “I killed you!” then having that moment when she ends up hugging him and he’s warm and breathing and not dead. And Dark!Willow being really confused but trying to kill him anyway because if he was alive all this time why didn’t he come back? That’s when we get the scene with Giles watching what happened on the monitor. Everyone is confused and Giles explains that the Council kept him in one of their facilities and now Buffy feels sick because she’s like “they tortured you... for months!” and Giles is like “Well yeah but it’s fine because I’m here now and I’m so sorry for abandoning you all.” Still can have Evil Willow being evil and Xander saving the day. I don’t care that much but we could’ve had this worked in.

Because the Council would’ve tortured him for fun. Not necessarily physically but they would’ve paraded him around as the example of what happens if you don’t toe the line. They could’ve completely humiliated him and it caused like cracks in the Council because some of them hate that Travers is abusing his power like this on one of their own and others finding it good that such a strong message is being sent. At which point, Travers would give the order for the Special Ops team to start the beatings. Of course, Giles is used to having the seven bells kicked out of him, but to be used as a training dummy by other human beings? They’d practice on him and that’s as far as I think the physical side of it would go, the rest would be mental/emotional torture. Or having hexes/curses tested on him and all the while, Giles genuinely wants them to kill him because everyone he cares about already thinks he’s dead so it makes no difference if it’s the reality. All the while, he’s being kept vaguely up to date with the events of Sunnydale so that he can hear how his Slayer is edging closer into just giving up and it breaks his heart. So Giles spent a year either being locked in a cell translating texts or being used as a punchbag to teach the S.O. team how to interrogate people. That’s how I see it going anyway. We could’ve seen like flashbacks of parts of it in S7 or something idk.

That would explain why he’s so distant in S7. Because he was kept prisoner for almost a year by the people who practically raised him (because the Council kind of did) and how that would mess anyone up and the First tormenting him about how he should’ve gone through with any attempts to end it instead of being a coward because Buffy doesn’t need him and she already thought he was dead. 

I dunno if this is actually what you were going for but it’s where my mind went and it would’ve given Tony Head something really juicy to do by playing a slightly crazed version of Giles who freaks out if there’s more than five people in the room because a year of living on your own in the dark drove him mad. He would’ve completely nailed it. Way better than sitting there going, “I’m headed back to England, and I plan to stay indefinitely”. Ugh we were robbed.

[thegoodomensdumpster]

ABOUT SHADWELL AND TRACY

OK so. This is probably going to be the meta nobody asked for + the meta that has already existed for 30 years ( I read a bunch of it before the show came out, but I never found one tackling what I’m going to talk about, so chances are it exists but I missed it and now it’ll be impossible to find ). I’ve been wondering, a lot, how exactly the relationship between Tracy and Shadwell was narratively useful. (Especially Shadwell, what is up with Shadwell, really??? Why did he have to be ... the way he is???) Don’t get me wrong : I know perfectly well how nearly everything / everyone in Good Omens mirrors something / someone else. The Four Horsepersons / The Them obviously, a perfect mirror of humanity’s problems (self made be it for Death ) and how to fix them ( with hope, courage, love, and proper education for newest generations who are dealing with passed mistakes… )

And then all the duos echo each other and act as informations about every character . Crowley / Aziraphale Newt / Anathema Tracy / Shadwell So I had the nagging suspicion that Tracy and Shadwell would, perhaps, make more sense to me if I started comparing them to each other and to their counterparts.

After all, that’s how me (and dozens other meta writers) have managed to understand Newt and Anathema.

Newt is reasonable and rationnal, and he is also free and questionning. Anathema has lived a life devoided of surprises, all according to the Great Plan prophecies of a long dead ancestor she can not directly talk to.

Newt and Anathema get together because of the prophecies, but STAY together because they chose to, and Newt is the one to bring that choice to Anathema. Do I need to say which of them echoes Crowley and which of them echoes Aziraphale ? What about Shadwell and Tracy then ?

Welp. Let’s dissect them, shall we ?

Madame Tracy is, arguably, the most formidable character of the lot. OK, I may be a bit bias, I adore the woman. But with good reasons !

Deep down, she’s got one of the – if not the – strongest moral compass of the whole characters cast. She has confidence in her morals and ethics enough to trust a supernatural entity who just invaded her body( after being rightfully offended and scolding him a little ) AND to then go against said entity, an angel of the Lord, when he’s about to do something reprehensible. 

Badass. But on the surface, what is she ? She’s a marginal, a prostitute, a con artist (something that I’m not entirely happy about as I find it morally reprehensible, but it is very likely she pretends to be a medium to be some sort of cheap psychiatrist to people who can’t afford it so… I’ll allow it. But anyway, it is also important that she’s not a parangon of pure unaltered virtue, so this makes sense). She is all the things Shadwell says she is, and in his mouth ( as well as in the eyes of society) they are insults. Worse : she exudes femininity, she is comfortable in her sexuality, she’s a businesswoman, she’s self-sufficent and financially independant (she’s even the one who gives money to Shadwell…). None of this is bad, but most of it is (or, hopefully, was) regarded as bad.

Ok, we got Tracy figured out. Let’s try to understand Shadwell now. Shadwell… Is also a marginal, in a way (he has been to prison, after all, if we include TV Omens canon). But he’s another kind of marginal.

He is not financially independant (again, see : asking money to Tracy, and also, scamming Crowley and Aziraphale for years, which is a way bigger and morally reprehensible con than whatever Tracy is doing with her fake medium act. But tbh, I’m so impressed he scammed not one, but two supernatural entities for funding the same useless organization, I can’t be mad at him. Not for that, I mean.) He isn’t nice, he isn’t polite, he … seems to be everything Tracy isn’t. And, as Tracy is a beacon of light and kindness, it makes sense Shadwell would be a rude blackhole of hatred. But, more than being a lightsucker, Shadwell’s opposition to Tracy makes sense if we shift the way we look at them. Tracy is what society deems morally reprehensible but she isn’t immoral, and more than that, she is very modern. Confident in herself. Taking her fate into her own hands. Turned towards the future.

Meanwhile, Shadwell is entirely turned towards the past, so much so that his traditionnalism is too much by present’s standards, and that is the bit that makes him the most marginal. He wears his sexism and his homophobia as badges of honor, and runs A WITCHFINDER ARMY. A very definitely outdated organization that has for goal : BURNING WITCHES. And gays, too, but mainly witches. This is an activity that was once considered ethical, necessary, ultimately good, but isn’t anymore. Heaven approved of the Witchfinders’ Army on these « morally good » premisses, and Hell approved of it on the cruelty and horror it was actually responsible for. Society has moved on. Shadwell hasn’t. At least in surface . Because, just like Madame Tracy’s activities as a prostitute and self-made woman can raise eyebrows but ultimately don’t define her as a moral person, Shadwell… hnnngh, this is more difficutl to say this about him, but when time comes for him to act on his rotten outdated thrown in our face moral principles, he is actually siding with Tracy. He protects her, he refuses to shoot Adam, he chooses to do what he finds to be morally good, and he and Tracy share the same morals. 

(Also the one time Shadwell thinks he has killed someone he is genuinely shocked, so he is far from being a cold blooded killer. Only when he wants to protect Tracy or prevent Armageddon - and after Aziraphale has shown he isn’t really dead - does he threateningly raise his finger again. ) ((But homophobia and sexism aren’t a good look on him. Or on anyone else, for that matter. It’s not charming. Tracy, why were you charmed ???? WHY ???? ))

And we can only suppose that Tracy, beacon of light that she is, able to see the best even in the scum of the Earth, already knew that Shadwell and her agreed about what was ultimately important. They’ve had, possibly, years of interactions before the plot of GO kicks in, and maybe Shadwell hasn’t been so consistently horrible all this time and showed her a better side ? I hope ??? But, anyway, the thing is : these characters, Tracy and Shadwell, are made to mirror some of the best and worst things coming out of humanity. Tracy being kinda the worst possible carreer and personnal choice for religious bigots, and Shadwell being so deep into bigotry that it made him terrible even by bigots’ standards. Shadwell’s speech would have made him a hero a few centuries ago, now he’s just a lunatic. Tracy would have been burnt at the stake for her life choices. Now she’s… well, not in danger, at the very least, and besides Shadwell, all the GO characters seem to respect her. ( Or fear her, as is the case for Newt. ) ((I’m joking, I think he likes her, but confident people intimidate him.)) So. We’ve got Tracy who has built herself her own moral compass and is confident in the choices she made despite the hostility and difficulties she may have encountered, and Shadwell who lives according to a bunch of bigotted outdated rules he doesn’t actually believe in all that much. HA. Why does that ring a bell, I wonder… For the sake of not letting any ounce of ambiguity floating in the air, I’m going to spell it out :

Shadwell and the Witchfinders’ rules echo Anathema and her prophecies, and Aziraphale and Heaven’s indoctrination. Meanwhile, Tracy echoes Newt and Crowley for their marginality and self-made moral code (ok it’s less obvious for Newt especially if you haven’t read the book but he is the kind to question stuff constantly, to the point he hesitates a lot and has troubles finding his place in the world, but his – tiny - character arc is that he becomes able to question correctly and make decisions and help others make decisions).

The interesting thing is, in a way, Shadwell embodies the worst surface aspect of being a bigot blindly obeying outdated rules, while Tracy is the best possible outcome of a marginal making a life for themself. Newt and Anathema place somewhere in the middle, Anathema being able to let go of the thing that was ruling her life, and Newt is in the process of learning who he is, getting comfortable with that person and finding a place for himself in the world.

As for Crowley and Aziraphale, their long lives has thrown them in morally grey areas for a looong time, but at the end of GO, once freed from Heaven and Hell -but especially Heaven as Aziraphale has the most work to do to also get rid off his endoctrination completely- they are free to join Tracy, Shadwell, Newt and Anathema into finally becoming the most blooming versions of themselves. It is not too late, no matter how dark or how far back they’re coming from.

But !!! I am not entirely done.

The sword. And the gun. Both weapon given - more or less – to humanity by Aziraphale. The flaming sword, given at the very beginning to Adam and Eve hoping they’d use it to protect themselves, and that ends up in the hands of War. The thundergun, not given but required by Aziraphale to be put to use, right as the Armageddon is about to put an end to humanity, and to be used, this time, to kill someone. And, as I mentionned, both Shadwell and Tracy refuse to shoot.

Aziraphale cannot make humanity obey him, now can he ? Because that’s what it is, ultimately. Humanity. And, as always, free will. Because Tracy and Shadwell represent certain extremes and a lot of grey areas of humanity’s morals and diversity of personnalities, they are -almost- perfect ambassadors of humanity as a whole. Good and Evil bear no meaning around them, they refuse to fit neatly into any category, especially when scrutinized through the lenses of different places and eras as ethics shift constantely. Shadwell shows that even garbage trash men can show empathy, Tracy is the most merciful and kind person, which doesn’t prevent her from being surprisingly strong and adamant when needed. Shadwell and Tracy are part of each other’s life, against all odds, and even if it might have been just because they were neighbours at first, they ultimately chose to remain together. All duos chose to stick to their counterpart in the end. All of them represent the many contradictions of humanity, and how love is the ultimate way to live along together. And they use their free will for love. And while I would not, ever, EVER want to interact with a Shadwell IRL, I now see why it was important to make him the way he is depicted. From a narrative point of view, it was important to make him seemingly irreedemable, only for the one character he harrasses the most to trust and love him, because Tracy knows he, actually, isn’t as bad as it may seem. Because people who might seem horrible are not necessarily the ones who are. Because even Shadwell can love and be loved. And because everybody can improve.

Now, I do not know why the sexism and the homophobia had to be the main choices to convey how much of a bigotted idiot Shadwell was (No, I mean, I think I know why: probably because killing witches and gays were the Witchfinders’ Army main goals, but still, it’s tough on modern audiences - whether this should be taken into account by authors is... quite a debate to have, and maybe the main reason it bothers me? idk idk, I’ve already thought too much at this point). Because despite the fact that some of his lines and his excellent actor made him nice to see on screen (or read in the book for that matter), I have a very hard time liking his character. But that might be the point. I don’t know. Only Tracy can love him. But at least now, it makes more sense to me.

[phoebenavarro]

My Doctor Sleep Review

Here’s the short version:

If I like The Shining movie but haven’t read the book or Doctor Sleep, will I like this? YES. It pays homage to the film beautifully but doesn’t rely on it too much, and it creates a beautiful story of it’s own.

If I’ve read both books, will I like this? Well, here’s where things get complicated. It’s definitely still worth your time for how beautifully Ewan McGregor and Kyliegh Curran bring Dan and Abra to life, but you will also probably find yourself incredibly frustrated with the third act.

My more complicated thoughts are under the cut. (Spoilers, obviously!)

Overall, the film does a wonderful job blending the differences between the movie and the book, although overall it felt to me like they were privileging the film and mostly just giving nods to the book, so that book fans could be happy. And as much as that frustrates me as a book fan, it worked! I can absolutely believe that in a world where the Overlook didn’t explode at the end of The Shining, that this would be what happened.

I guess my biggest issue was that I wanted them to mostly ignore the movie. They could keep the Overlook standing, sure, that was just fine with me, but I wished they’d followed both books’ canon basically to a T. And for the first two acts that is pretty much exactly what they did! It was almost beat for beat the book. And the things that they did change in the first two acts, I loved. I loved their take on Billy as a character!

And well, let’s talk about the good for a second, shall we?

Every actor gave a STELLAR performance and was perfectly cast. I knew I was gonna love Ewan McGregor and he went above anything I ever imagined. Abra was amazing too! She really captured Abra, her rage, and her love for her family. Rose was great, the only thing that kept catching me off guard was that she kept changing her accent and I’m not sure if it was intentional? Like there were some scenes where she sounded Irish to me, and other scenes where she sounded completely American. It could’ve been that she was Irish with the Knot and American around rubes, but it didn’t seem purposeful enough. Minor characters that really stood out were Billy and Crow Daddy, especially Crow. He never struck me as particularly interesting in the book, but he was very engaging in the film. The little boy who played Danny killed it as well. He merged the catatonic Danny from the film and the talkative Danny from the book in a way I didn’t think was possible.

Also Azzie the cat was perfect and I’ve never been so happy to see a cat in a movie in my LIFE.

The scene where Dan fell into his role as Doctor Sleep for the first time was really wonderful, and that was the first time I cried during the movie. His speech at the AA meeting, about Jack, absolutely WRECKED me. I was straight up sobbing. Because it was the first (and only) time in the movie (or the Shining movie) where you see how much Dan loved his dad, and how he’s been struggling his whole life with continuing to love a man who hurt him and his mom, tried to kill them, and that’s just as much why he drank as trying to drown out his shine. THAT’S Dan Torrance right there, and a hint towards the Jack Torrance from the novel, the one who loved and died for his family. THAT is why the Shining is a tragedy, that’s why I cried for an hour after I finished reading Doctor Sleep for the first time. It showed that Dan was finally moving on, he’d found friends and community, he broke the cycle of abuse and alcoholism.

And from there, we go into another scene of Dan helping someone pass as doctor sleep. It’s such a stark contrast to the first time. He’s comfortable with it instead of horrified by it, he’s HAPPY to help these people, to comfort them in their final moments, because he knows what that fear feels like. He’s been trying to escape that fear since the Overlook. So he sings with him, he’s not afraid to use his shine to look into his mind to make it easier for the man. For the first time in his life his shine brings him something other than pain. And I loved it.

The scene with the baseball boy was WAY more brutal than I expected it to be. Like I was genuinely surprised that they really showed the Knot torturing him like that, and all the blood. It was harrowing, and it worked so well, because before that the Knot was pretty likable. Sure, they killed kids, but we didn’t SEE it, and they’re cooky and fun! And then there’s THAT, and we see that they are monsters. I loved Abra making murder appear on Dan’s wall, and him seeing REDRUM in the mirror. Dan’s face was CHILLING.

We also GOTTA talk about Dick Hallorann. He was really perfect, and I loved how excited Dan was to see him the last time they talk. And well, I heard him tell Dan “ka is a wheel” which FLOORED me. The last thing I was expecting was a Dark Tower reference! I’m not 100 percent sure he said it, I might have misheard it, but it works. I mean, in the book, King describes many things as a wheel, and that’s a running theme in his work, so it makes sense. And that’s really what this story is about, the wheel of ka turning and the mentee becoming the mentor.

This is a scene I have slightly complicated feelings about, but I mostly liked it, and that is Dan’s conversation with Jack’s ghost at the bar. I loved how they paralleled Dan to Jack but also highlighted how Dan is his own person, and in many ways succeeded where his dad failed. I gasped incredibly loudly when Jack referred to the whiskey as medicine, and called Dan a pup, cause that is something from the book that (correct me if I’m wrong, it’s been a while) he never says in the movie. And ohhhhh god, the way Dan cried. The way he got mad and said “Don’t you want to know what happened to your family?” and how Jack finally broke character. It fucked me UP. But it was Jack from the movie basically saying fuck you to Jack from the book, which like, I GET it. It would feel really weird if Nicholson!Torrance showed ANY warmth or love to Dan in any way, but still. I mourn book!Jack Torrance every day of my life. (But would Nicholson have been able to pull it off? Probably not. So maybe it’s for the better. Steven Webber, on the other hand, from the miniseries, is MY Jack Torrance.)

And here’s where we start to get to the bad, or the things I have very complicated feelings towards.

Well first of all, there was genuinely no fucking reason to kill off Billy OR Dave. They don’t die in the book! And it’s not a great look that they killed off the two men of color who are on the good guys’ side. It’s as stupid and pointless as killing Dick Hallorann in the Shining. But I guess we gotta continue that legacy right? /s If they wanted to get Billy and Dave out of the way for the final confrontation, there were other ways for them to do it, like they did with Abra’s mom! Crow could’ve just drugged Dave. He still could’ve told Abra that her dad was dead, to manipulate and fuck with her. And hell, Dan could’ve made Billy stay behind, to take care of Dave, or to wait for Abra’s mom to get back and fill her in on what’s happening. They definitely didn’t need to fucking DIE, Mike! You don’t need them to die to raise the stakes, nothing raises the stakes like watching a child be tortured and murdered.

And well, in concept I really like Dan and Abra having their showdown with Rose in the Overlook. And uh, “waking it up.” It makes sense, I mean, he already uses the Overlook ghosts against the Knot in the book, so why not? And I liked that part. I think Dan walking around the hotel went on a little too long, like they just wanted to show off that they rebuilt the overlook set. I liked the continued parallels between Jack and Dan, but again, it highlighted how Dan was different. Like when Dan is on the stairs holding the hatchet, he’s actually playing Wendy’s role, while Rose is Jack in that instance, walking up to him with her arms out, falsely trying to placate him. She has the power in that moment. And her toying with Dan? MM. I liked that a lot. I’m a sucker for whump. And her finally getting destroyed by the Overlook ghosts was SO SATISFYING.

I had kind of thought that Dan would find a way to harness Jack’s spirit and sick her on Rose, and that would be able to be Jack’s redemption, and then Jack would be able to finally move on. It would’ve made sense, since in the book he uses Abra’s momo, but in the movie she’s not really important. Tbh I think that would’ve been the best way to let Dan finally find peace with Jack, to give us something like that moment in the book where Dan sees Jack at the end and Jack blows him a kiss. But whatever, it’s fine. I think the conflict between Dan and Rose as it was was pretty great.

If it ended with that, I would’ve been VERY happy. Maybe there could’ve been a bit of a scare with the hotel trying to possess Dan and Dan being able to fight it off, and Abra and Dan leaving, letting the boiler explode. And then maybe Dan could’ve collapsed from blood loss outside the hotel, giving the audience a bit of anxiety over whether Dan will survive or not. But it didn’t end there.

I take issue with the very premise that the ghosts would be able to possess Dan like they did Jack. Jack had so many weaknesses, more than just the alcoholism. Jack was insecure about everything in his life, his career, his role in his family, his talent of an artist, but Dan doesn’t share those insecurities, just the alcoholism. ALSO Dan’s been sober A LOT longer than Jack ever was. He’s much more skilled at resisting that temptation. Maybe back before Dan hit rock bottom and started fixing his life, I would buy it, but not Dan at this point in his life. ESPECIALLY since they couldn’t get him when he was a kid, when his shining was so much stronger. Why would they be able to get him now? Dan has a lot of similarities to his dad, but he is his own person.

But whatever. Let’s assume that it’s possible for the hotel to possess Dan. I loved that they played out some of the scenes from the Shining novel, because the climax of the Shining has my favorite moments from the whole novel. I gasped when Abra said “You’re not my Uncle Dan. You’re just a mask.” And I ALSO gasped when he said “let’s unmask then,” (or something to that effect) because I thought they were gonna do MY FAVORITE moment from the Shining, when the hotel bashes Jack’s face in with the mallet and we see a different ghost after each hit. As cool as seeing that would’ve been, I’m glad it didn’t happen, cause Dan would’ve been gone after that. And oh god, the hug between Dan and Abra. It hurt. And Abra remembering the boiler, knowing it’s gonna blow.

And well, finally seeing the Overlook burn was VERY satisfying. In a lot of ways this film was both a love letter to Kubrick and a “fuck you” to Kubrick simultaneously. I wish they’d leaned into the “fuck you” side more because honestly, WHY should we keep celebrating him or his films? Especially with the Shining. The pure disrespect he showed to the source material, and to Stephen King, and of course, the way he tortured Shelly Duvall on set.

I think my feelings of betrayal come down to this: I was COMPLETELY blindsided by Dan’s death. I TRULY did not expect Dan to die. I thought that would be departing from the book too much, and honestly I didn’t think King would’ve gone for that. Like, I started to get worried when he got hit in the femoral artery, but, perhaps foolishly, I kept holding out hope that he would be okay. And I know the whole point of the end is that yes, he’s dead, but he’s good, but he deserved to LIVE and die of old age. The Overlook should not have been given the satisfaction of getting him, even if it was destroyed in the process.

I did like that as he died Wendy was there with him, since in the movie she’s the one who actually loved him. But mostly I was in a state of mixed rage and sadness, because Ewan SOLD that performance. He was perfect. He IS Dan Torrance. But I did not come to the theater to watch Dan suffer Jack’s fate. I came to see Dan finally move on from his trauma and embrace his shine!!

Ultimately, It feels like the movie undermined it’s own climax. The whole film was building to Rose’s defeat, which is then COMPLETELY overshadowed by the hotel trying to use Dan to get Abra. It focused too much on the Shining, and forgot that Doctor Sleep is DIFFERENT. Dan is not Jack. Abra is not Dan. There are parallels, of course, but they are different. And why undermine your more interesting villain? The ghosts of the Overlook PALE in comparison to how interesting and engaging Rose is. It was a great nod to fans of the book, and as a book fan I enjoyed it, but I think it made the film weaker.

If Flanagan wanted to do the ending scenes of the Shining, he should’ve just remade the Shining, for God’s sake! And actually, I would’ve liked that very much, Ewan McGregor could make a VERY good Jack, as shown in the scenes when he’s possessed by the hotel. I actually would love to see adaptations of The Shining and Doctor Sleep where the same actor plays Jack and Dan. I think that would produce fantastic performances and really force the actor to highlight the differences between the characters. And anyway, we need a new version of the Shining. Steven Weber and Rebecca Du Mornay are PERFECT in the miniseries but it’s just that, a network television miniseries, and it’s aged pretty poorly. A new Shining remake is gonna happen eventually, if Kubrick’s estate ever gives up those rights.

And finally! They ignored the BEST PLOT TWIST in the book!!!!! That Dan is literally Abra’s uncle! They kinda set it up, too, which is extra frustrating. I wonder if it was present in an earlier version of the script and got cut? I had a sinking feeling that they weren’t gonna do it when Dave was killed, but like, without that reveal, the audience is gonna be left with a lot of questions. Namely, WHY was Abra drawn to Dan? And of course, it’s because he’s her uncle, but in the movie we never find that out. I wouldn’t be surprised if it shows up on Cinema Sins or whatever for being a plot hole, which is frustrating, because it’s NOT. It’s just a lazy oversight in the film. I also wished we got to see more of Abra’s parents, and Dan meeting Abra’s mom! But I guess they couldn’t include any of that in the movie since they basically cut Momo out completely. Still, that in itself is frustrating. Abra’s momo is so important to Abra in the book. In general it kinda felt like they elected to focus more on Dan and his relationship to Jack than Abra and her family, when in the book they’re pretty evenly balanced!

It’s frustrating, because the first two acts of the film are nearly perfect. And the third act has a lot going for it too, but it is just not the way to handle the ending, in my opinion.

My final feelings are: Dan Torrance is not Jack. That is the whole POINT of Doctor Sleep. And he did not deserve to burn in that hotel. He deserved to finally live out his life in happiness and with the family he’s built for himself. And that will always upset me.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x05 recap

Aka the one where all my sons are idiots and all my daughters are precious angels who deserve all the hugs.

Late again, because when am I not? Again, I blame the travelling.

So I’m kinda intrigued by this pair; the bleeding, accented woman and the young guy with an American accent in what seems to be a  super-dingy bathroom? What is going on here??

Patterson has been doing some fancy analysing of the adoption records and yeppp, Jane definitely had a kid. And ugh Patterson is so sweet and gentle about it and has done so much research so she could give Jane ALL the info and Jane is just Not Dealing. But hmmm Patterson tells her there’s no way to test if she’s had a child and lbr that’s not exactly true? A good ObGyn could generally tell just by looking at the cervix. Not a perfect measure, but it’s definitely an option. But anyhow Jane is too busy flipping out anyway, and ugh she mentions the Taylor Shaw thing and already having everything ripped away from her multiple times and man my heart just hurts for her rn. And Weller’s so at a loss for what to do or how to comfort her ugh my poor babies

Lol Reade and Zapata and their little Wizardville rivalry is super cute. And then she’s completely open with him and asks him directly about the State Department Guy thing and wow Reade just harshly shuts her down. I’m glad Patterson interrupts this little moment because it was definitely going nowhere good. But speaking of things that ARE good,  omg I love her pun about the ‘backbone’ of the case and Weller being all killjoy about it haha. That’s right, honey, just ignore him. Your humour is too good for him anyway. And so anyhow the tatt leads to a NYPD evidence log number, though Zapata notes that the code is different to what the NYPD uses now, and Reade gets super snarky at her for it. Geez son, learn some manners! Patterson backs Zapata up tho (yaaassss my girls), showing that the code is like 20 years old. Jeller go to check out the warehouse it points to while Zapata is given paperwork by Reade (wow, petty), though tbh Zapata ends up with the better deal since Jeller have to fight some bad guys and literally put out a fire. Ugh the way Jane yells for him as she tries to fight the fire alone-- it’s only when its the two of them together that they manage to extinguish it. Symbolism, much? Patterson calls right at that moment to warn them to get out, and it’s a little late, but well, it’s the thought that counts haha. Other warehouses have been burned, which means someone is trying super hard to destroy evidence but doesn’t know where it is. Jane, because she’s amazing, finds the box they nee-- and in it is a whole bunch of untested rape kits going back 20 years. I love the conversation the guys have about the low priority assigned to sexual assault testing-- it’s some good commentary from the writers about the state of the real world. 

Meanwhile, Stuart’s phone has been found in the river, and both Patterson and Zapata are very suspicious of the way Reade basically tells her to leave it alone. Looking super suss rn, bro, and I do not like it at allll.

However, I really DO like listening to Jane speak in other languages. So damn cool. And as someone who is currently staying in a foreign country and communicating solely in the local tongue, I have a renewed respect for her fluency lol.  Their Russian suspect conveniently elects to speak English though haha. How handy. He’s a bit of a tough guy but through a sneaky move on Jeller’s part, he gives them the info they need-- how he got paid, which gives them a lead on the people hiring him. Patterson also drops another pun, which is three so far this ep and I’m so proud. She also figures out that the the victim was likely linked to Kazarus, which as far as I’m aware is a fake place though tbh my geography is not super great. But anyhow, that narrows their search to two sexual assault survivors. 

And then aww Patterson pulls Weller aside and tries to support him about the whole surprise-kid thing, and ugh she’s just so sweet and wants to help both him and Jane as best she can. But he’s upset bc he knows he can’t fix this; no one can. I guess it all just takes time, right? Meanwhile Jane’s in the locker room, getting a call from Roman, and dude he really knew the whole time??  And ugh if she was sixteen when she had the baby (to her high school sweetheart aww) then he was probably about 14 at the time, just a kid himself who had suddenly become an uncle, and man I’m so sad for them both?? But lol she gets to the bullpen and covers the phone while practically yelling for them to trace the call. Not super subtle, Jane. And he tells her she initially fought Shepherd on giving the baby away and then she just ran away? I’m confused.  I guess we now understand a bit more about why Remi joined the army though I guess. Not sure how she ever went back to working for Shepherd, though, but maybe she saw the memory wipe as a way out? And Beardy was meant to fill her in on everything including the kid.  Idk. Jane’s now having a small breakdown in the locker room and decides she has to go see Shepherd, but Weller’s right when he says that Shepherd would just mess with her head. Don’t give her the satisfaction, Jane! And oh look, a mention of Bethany, haven’t had one of those in a while. And tbh that’s the way I like it, show, so keep ignoring her existence please haha.

In the lab, Patterson admits defeat about Stuart’s phone-- it’s as dead as he is. (Too soon??) But Zapata didn’t spend all that time at the CIA without gaining a few skills in the realms of deception and deviousness, and so they hatch a plan to bluff and lure out the possible mole. And then a lab tech in a headscarf calls them to see something, and the panning shot of the lab also shows another tech in a turban. Firstly, I approve of some diversity happening here, and secondly, I hope that this casting choice was deliberate so there would be people that looked at those characters and went “the traitor has to be one of them” so that when it’s shown that the traitor is someone else, the people watching have to examine just why it was that they thought either of these two background characters were guilty. (Hint: it’s racism!). Anyhow, the rape kit in question has been tested, and it turns out the rapist is the king of Kazarus. Or, the former king, since he died and his brother has assumed the throne. The only spanner in the works being that the rape resulted in a child, who, as per the Kazarussian monarchy, is the rightful heir to the throne. Which naturally means that Scar’s gotta have him taken out. Now we know who we saw at the start of the ep-- the kid and his mother, who was clearly attacked by the assassins but escaped. Now it’s a race for the team to find them before the Kazarussians do. 

And then who appears but Weitz, who is now a congressman, and conveniently an expert on Kazarus. I love that everyone looks at Hirst and she’s all “Don’t look at me, Darlins” and how is someone using ‘darling’ in plural like that so damn endearing??? The accent is what truly makes it though, obviously. But nope, it was Reade who called him, which is just another in the list of things Reade has done lately that we do not like. Weitz manages to make everyone hate him even more within mere seconds of showing up, and tbh I love to hate him. His antagonism towards Zapata is hilarious.  I like that even Hirst gives him some shit lol. Atta girl. Anyhow Weitz informs them that the ex-king’s brother Cyrus is a Bad Dude and there’s a bunch of american soldiers in Kazarus that are now at risk, and yep the stakes have just been raised

Reade gets called into the principal’s office to discuss his little spat with Zapata. How exactly does Hirst know about that, though? Though I guess if she’s paid attention to any of their interactions today then she probably could have figured it out. I’m offended that he calls Zapata a busybody?? But then he does at least say that she’s nothing to worry about and that she’s a friend. What do you two have to hide though??? Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson has found the kid by examining the curtains in a video that the kid sent to his gf. That’s my lil genius. Of course it’s super convenient that this type of curtain is only made for a specific motel chain, but whatevs, I’ll let it slide as I do with many things in this show haha. I love Zapata teasing Weitz though, suggesting that it was all too smart for him and went over his head haha

Jane’s clearly taking this case pretty personally-- and tbh it does seem veeeeeeeery convenient that there’s a case that resonates so closely with her current situation, until you remember that this time around, all the tattoos are specifically designed by Roman to be revealed in a certain order, so it makes total sense that the case matches stuff going on in their personal lives. More sense than when it happened in the last two seasons, so touche, writers. You win this round. Anyway they get to the hotel, and the kid immediately pulls a gun on them. His mom’s not looking too good though, kinda bleeding out a little on the bed, and ugh Jane does her frightened-animal whisperer thing and convinces the kid to let her help his mom. Naturally he chooses to trust her bc lbr wouldn’t you?? They get his mom to the hospital where she’s super well guarded, and he tells them about only learning at 18 about his mother’s attack. And he only learned yesterday about the whole king thing, and tells them he’ll never go to Kazarus. You just know that Jane is thinking about her baby and how the kid probably wouldn’t want to know her as they must think she abandoned them, and ugh it hurts. Why must you do this, show?

Back in the lab Patterson and Zapata have set their trap, and are waiting to see who falls into it-- only they don’t like the answer. According to her computer, Reade logged into the system to delete the files. Patterson is grim; she doesn’t like it, but she’s ready to believe it. When Zapata tries to insist that Reade wouldn’t do it, that he’s family, Patterson just reminds her: Borden was family too. And ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I do not like this at all. I am so done with leaks and moles and traitors and all of it ugh.  I do appreciate Weitz for making me smile here; Zapata is back at her desk and he throws a paper airplane at her, then feigns confusion, looking around for who could have done it. Tbh I actually do ship these two a little bit. All the bickering just does it for me lol. She gives him shit about probably not going to be re-elected, but he says he’s doing great in the polls. She says polls have been wrong before-- and is that some political commentary I hear? Man who was the writer of this ep because they are not pulling punches today. Reade comes over and tries to mend bridges, which tbh tastes a little sour after he was such an asshole this morning... give him nothing, Zapata!

Looks like Yasmine is gonna live, which is nice. She and Jane bond a little over protecting kids etc while Weller and the kid go to get something from the vending machine--- and ugh when they’re coming back Wller notices their guard from the door is gone and pushes the kid behind him. I love protective Weller. I also love Weller throwing an injured woman over his shoulder and carrying her to safety. Damn. He also proved pretty smart-- when they realised that the baddies were on their FBI comms, he bluffed and reported that they were headed for the roof while they escaped out the front door instead. Nice. Though why do I feel like that escape was too easy?

Patterson has figured out that it’s not Reade that’s tampering with their evidence, but someone else using his login. She confesses to Zapata about the backdoor that Wizardville gives her into people’s phones, and says she’s never used it before, which isn’t true though right?? Didn’t she use it on that Lowie guy’s lawyer a few eps ago? Anyway Zapata doesn’t care about the illegal biz, she just wants to hear her best(?) friend’s name cleared.  Turns out he wasn’t even in the building when someone used an FBI computer to access their files, so that’s at least looking good for him, even if it is bad for them as a whole

Weller reports in, and the team tracks their phones and immediately sends backup-- but too late, considering that the baddies have laid out a trap for them. Was this why it was so easy for them to get away?? Jeller manage to take out several bad dudes on their own, but not before one of them manages to molotov-cocktail their car, which blows up moments later. Dude that’s one potent cocktail… but ugh they all make it to safety, with Weller again literally carrying Yasmine, and ugh the mother and son hug and the husband and wife hug and it’s just a very poignant moment okay?? Also there’s just something really beautiful about the way Jane hugs, I can’t even really describe it. Anyhow they all make it back to the NYO, where the rest of the team (plus Weitz, in his own way) are super glad to see them alive. After a minute Zapata and Patterson sneak off, because Patterson needs to tell her the news-- the person using Reade’s login was Hirst. She’s sure because of biometric software that she runs on all of their computers, and again, man I’m super glad that these powers are in the hands of someone trustworthy like Patterson haha. But ugh this means my honey-accented cool aunt is a baddie?? She even knew that Lowie guy from a few eps ago. Well, bummer. Still holding out for the possibility that there’s more to it, but things aren’t looking great...

Oh dear, King Cyrus was murdered, and the Kazarussians are demanding their heir. Which really sucks for the kid, and Jane and Weller try to protect him, but he’s determined to go and to make things better for his fellow Kazarussians. And lbr, to have to go become king is not the worst thing??  

Wow Patterson and Zapata actually went to Reade to warn him about Hirst. I don’t know why that surprises me, but it does. I would have done some more surveillance or something first? But anyway he is really not taking it well, and kinda attacks both of them a bit over it. And wait he’s known Hirst since he was in Quantico??? That’s news to me.  And not good news, either. Please don’t be dirty, Reade. Please…

Jeller are recovering at home after a pretty damn rough day. Jane has changed her mind about finding her daughter-- she wants her just to have a happy, stable life, and that willl be far easier if she never knows Jane exists. And he just hugs her bc what can you do to make that pain better? Nothing, that’s what. She’s going to mourn her connection with her daughter for the rest of her life and ugh it just really sucks

Oh no a time jump, nothing good ever follows a time jump. And oh shit it’s Berlin. Weller’s having no luck with a rude hotel employee, which I find super unbelievable because a) he’s front desk staff at a fancy hotel, b) the person asking him for help is a man clearly traumatised about his missing wife, and c) he’s German. Him being rude makes no sense. But it does give this girl a cool opening to come help Weller out, and man I am jealous of her German speaking skills. Like I said earlier, it’s not easy!! But wait, there’s more. The girl is not only American, but she’s looking for Jane. Her mother, Jane. And oh Weller, you stupid, stupid boy. You foolish, well-meaning idiot. I am sure that your reasons for not telling Jane about this are all purely to protect her (although I also suspect you’re trying to protect yourself from her leaving you again) but dude. DUDE. This is not the kind of secret you should ever keep, and honestly if Jane leaves your ass when she finds out the truth I’m gonna be on her side of the split. Ugh, my stupid son when will you ever LEARN

[jennycalendar]

Imperfections (15/?)

tbh this is a favorite chapter of mine so far

it’s also on ao3!

When Jenny came to, she was in the desk chair in Rupert’s office, Buffy and Cordelia sitting on the desk, Rupert fussing over her with a cold compress and saying in a nervous tone of voice that this was the second head injury she’d had in two weeks and it was really starting to concern him.

“Ow,” said Jenny.

“You got hit by one of the vampires when you guys went to the library,” Buffy explained apologetically. “There was this whole thing—everyone trying to kill Vampire Slayers for fun—you feeling okay?”

“Kinda wishing I’d stayed in the gym, but yeah,” said Jenny, and then caught sight of the large purple bruise on Rupert’s temple. “Aww, England,” she said sympathetically, reaching up to brush her fingers against his injury.

Rupert winced, smiling ruefully. “I’m fine,” he said. “Are you feeling all right? Would you like some water? I can drive you home, if you’d like.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” said Jenny. Rupert took her hands, helping her up. “Don’t want to miss Homecoming night, you know? Still gotta see who’s been crowned queen.”

“Oh!” said Buffy in a high, anxious voice, and raced out of the office, Cordelia hot on her heels.

Jenny laughed. “Really makes me feel special,” she said.

“I did sneak in a vote for Buffy,” said Rupert, and tucked his arm around her waist as they exited the office.

“Why, Mr. Giles,” Jenny teased him. “How unethical!”

“We talking unethics?” Faith inquired, sticking her head out of the gym. “Cause that’s—” She faltered. “You guys okay?”

“We’re good,” said Jenny easily. “I might need some down time when I get home, though.”

“Anyone I can beat up?” Faith asked, a hard, angry glint in her eyes.

Jenny stepped away from Rupert and shook her head. “I’m okay, Faith,” she said. Faith’s expression didn’t falter. “I’m okay,” she said again with conviction. “Do you need me to, I don’t know, do jumping jacks or run a few laps or something? I’m fine. Come on. There are still a few more songs before the dance is over.”

Faith breathed out. “Fine,” she said reluctantly, falling into step with Jenny as they headed back into the gym. Jenny glanced over her shoulder at Rupert, who was giving her a proud, soft smile for a reason she only halfway understood. “But for the record, I still kind of wanna hit someone.”

“Well, we can always go for a late-night drive,” Jenny suggested. “See if there’s anything scary for you to stake or chop up or something.”

“Cool,” said Faith, then, “Oh. Yikes.”

“What?”

Faith gestured to the two girls onstage, neither of whom were Buffy or Cordelia. “B’s not gonna be happy,” she said a little sadly.

Jenny smiled slightly. It wasn’t her place to start poking Faith about what seemed to her like a pretty obvious crush, but she still thought it was a pretty adorable one. “You want to go see if you can console her?” she suggested nonchalantly.

Faith glared at her. “Shut up.”

So maybe Jenny wasn’t that good at not poking. “I’m going to go grab some food,” she said, and gave Faith a last smile before heading over to the snack table. Glancing back to see if Rupert had gotten into the gym yet, she bumped into the other person at the buffet. “Oh, sorry—”

Debbie looked up, eyes wide. “Ms. Calendar!” she said in a high, anxious voice.

Jenny winced. “Debbie,” she said. “Hey. I’m sorry about that. All that.” She hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to Debbie after the events in the supply room, though she and Rupert had had a meeting with Debbie’s parents and explained some of the things that had gone down with Pete. “I didn’t expect to see you at Homecoming. Thought you might need some down time.”

Debbie smiled nervously. “Same here,” she said. “I—I mean, after that vampire killed Pete—”

Jenny’s stomach twisted. “What?”

“I—maybe he wasn’t a vampire,” said Debbie uncomfortably. “The light was pretty bad, I just thought I saw fangs, and, well, you know Sunnydale—” She breathed out. “Or—did I just imagine it? I know Pete ended up dead, but I told my mom that a vampire killed him and she said that it was just post-traumatic stress o-on my part.”

“No,” said Jenny weakly. “No, um, you—you didn’t—excuse me.” She stepped away from the buffet table, feeling dizzy and a little nauseous. She could see Rupert’s concerned eyes on her, but couldn’t bring herself to go to him and tell him what she’d just found out. Taking one step, then two, Jenny hurried out of the gym, breaking into a run as soon as she was in the hallway.

She only just made it to the women’s restroom, at which point she threw up in the sink. She was shaking so badly that she could barely stand up, and let herself slide down until she was sitting against the wall.

Angelus was back. He was back, and he’d killed someone, and he was just biding his time and waiting for the chance to kill again. Jenny buried her face in her hands and tried to remember how to regulate her breathing like she’d practiced over the summer, but it wasn’t working, and there just didn’t seem to be enough air—

“Hey. Hey.” Hands pulled at Jenny’s, gently forcing her to uncover her face. Faith’s eyes were worried and scared. “Jen. Hey. Look at me and breathe.”

Jenny almost started crying. “No, Faith, it’s okay,” she said, almost desperately. The last thing Faith needed was to see her like this. “I’m okay. Just—I need a minute.”

Faith shook her head. “I’ll give you a minute when you stop looking like you’re gonna puke,” she said. Her eyes flitted to the sink. “Ew. Okay. Or maybe I’m a little late for that.”

Jenny took a shuddering breath. Thought about the fact that Faith and Rupert would worry themselves to death over her if she didn’t calm down. Breathed again, and realized vaguely how tightly she was holding Faith’s hands. She laughed shakily. “Sorry,” she said. “Guess it’s a good thing you’ve got Slayer strength, right?”

“What happened?” asked Faith without preamble.

Jenny knew how Faith was, and knew that Faith would run off to try and kill Angelus if she found out what was going on. “I don’t know if I can talk about it right now,” she said truthfully.

Faith nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Can you get up?”

“Yeah,” said Jenny softly. Faith slid an arm around her waist, helping her up. “Ugh. My mouth tastes awful.”

“I’ll get you some water,” said Faith. “You wanna go back to the dance, or—”

“I think I just want to go home,” said Jenny.

“I’ll get Giles, then,” said Faith, her tone easy and agreeable, as though they were discussing the weather, and that was when Jenny realized how very, very much she cared about her. It wasn’t just general worry for a kid she thought needed help. At any given time, Faith was ready to punch anyone in the face, but she was still more careful and gentle right now than a lot of people could be.

“Thank you,” said Jenny, trying to convey more than just her gratitude.

Faith smiled awkwardly. “Sure,” she said.

As it turned out, getting Rupert wasn’t at all necessary; he was waiting outside the bathroom with an anxious expression and rushed forward as soon as he saw them both, taking Jenny into his arms. Jenny half-fell against him, burying her face in his shoulder and holding him tightly. “Is she all right?” she heard him inquiring tensely of Faith.

“I don’t know,” said Faith, sounding unusually worried. “I—she says she wants to go home. And I think she puked in the sink.”

Jenny felt Rupert kiss her hair. “We’ll go home,” he murmured to her, rubbing comforting circles on her back, “all right?”

Jenny nodded into his shoulder, feeling a little bit safer at that. He smelled nice, like cologne and old books, and she wondered how that smell still lingered even when he was wearing a tuxedo. She felt him begin to carefully walk them towards one of the exits. “Thank you, Faith,” Rupert was saying quietly. “I—I’m very glad you were there for her.”

“Sure, yeah,” said Faith, sounding uncomfortable. “Just doing my thing.”

Jenny felt a little less shaky, and finally found it in herself to raise her head. “Rupert,” she said, making sure she wasn’t speaking loudly enough for Faith to hear, “I might need to talk to you when we get home. In private.”

Rupert nodded. He had the same dazed, worried look on his face that he’d had months ago, when she’d still been in a hospital bed. Jenny felt a weird sense of déjà vu. “I’m okay,” she added, and this time she meant it. “I’m fine.”

“I know,” said Rupert. “I just—you know I’m rather skilled at worrying.”

Jenny laughed, which made Rupert smile in relieved surprise, which made her feel better. “Yeah, I got that,” she said, and rested her cheek against his chest as they walked.

Rupert made everyone tea when they got home. Faith, who seemed to get the sense that they wanted to be alone, said that she’d take hers in her room, and then surprised both Rupert and Jenny by giving the latter a hesitant, awkward hug.

“If I’m not there, you breathe, okay?” she said, pulling back and giving Jenny a pointed look. “Don’t want you dying ‘cause you’re freaking out and forgetting to breathe. That kind of thing is gonna sound really lame in the obituary section.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jenny agreed gamely. “I hope I didn’t ruin your first Sunnydale dance too much.”

Faith smiled in a way that Jenny didn’t completely understand. “Nah,” she said softly. “I’m good. Thanks for the dress.” She picked up her mug and left the kitchen, heading to her bedroom.

“I’m glad she was there for you,” said Rupert, sitting down in the chair next to Jenny’s. He turned his head to say something else, but Jenny leaned in and kissed him instead, wanting to prolong the inevitable for as long as she had to.

They kissed for about ten minutes. Things felt good and warm and safe, and it made Jenny more afraid of what would happen when she told him about Debbie. The moment it became real was the moment this quiet safety ended for them, and they went back to that horrible tension Jenny remembered from before Acathla.

It was Rupert who pulled back. “You wanted to talk to me,” he said carefully, his hands resting on Jenny’s shoulders.

Jenny bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “Um. Wow. This isn’t going to be a fun conversation by any means. Rupert—” She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to recapture how happy and light she’d felt at the dance. “Angelus,” she said. “Angelus is back.”

She felt Rupert tense up. “I’m sorry?” he said, as though hoping she was wrong but knowing that she wasn’t.

“I talked to Debbie,” said Jenny. The words came slowly and with effort. “She said she saw Pete get killed by a vampire.”

Rupert breathed out, then pulled Jenny all the way into his arms. “And he was close to you again,” he said. His voice was trembling.

“I’m okay,” said Jenny quietly. “I’m alive.” For now. “I just—I—he’s out there. It hit me hard.”

“Understandably.” Rupert smoothed back her hair with a shaking hand. “We’ll have to strategize further in the morning, but for now I think I just—” He faltered. “I just want to hold you,” he said softly.

Jenny smiled, and felt a mixture of sadness and relief. Sure, Angelus was back, but they were lucky right now. They might not be lucky tomorrow, but Rupert was here, and they were alive, and she wasn’t going to waste any time that they had.

She pulled him into a deep kiss, one that he returned with equal fervor. Seemed like they were on the same page.