#but shitty bc it was like 2am and i was on my phone

[miiints-repostiory]

It's fucking brownie food fantasy I win everything guys

ok I was tagged by @princessmikaa and @ozais-lobotomist so thank you both

I've deleted most of my fictional people images in my camera roll but I have like a million edits of them so. this is the most recent download

[via @/ giyuunxv on tiktok]

could never pass up mitsuri🫶🫶🫶

tagging @erisenyo @boygirldykefag @0-im-doorsexual-0 @scrimblyscrorblo @just-a-dinomask @transboyzuko @mikhnovskykinnie @fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma @ anyone else who wants to!!

[urbanbirdbud]

having a category 5 neurodivergent event (overstimulated bc all sounds all the time) so ive made a nest in the closet and am just chilling here in the dark eating pretzels and trying to not go insane

[watsername]

i was having a really bad day n spent most of it offline but i was talking to my bf and he makes me rlly happy so here’s a list of things my bf does that i think is very sweet / makes me feel very nice

- bought me a polaroid cam bc he knew i liked them and immediately asked to keep a photo of me after we went outside to take some pictures (still has it in his wallet and shows me it every so often) (he kept a photo of me kissing him on the check and says it’s his favourite)

- set a random fit check i sent him after i bought a new skirt as his lock screen on his phone AND watch bc he thought i looked pretty and shows it to ppl

- bought me a silly sushi jelly cat plushie on a whim bc he passed by a shop one day and saw it and knows i love sushi

- text me at 2am to see if i was awake so he could come over to my flat just so we could sleep next to each other bc we hadn’t seen each other in a week due to exams

- genuinely appreciates my cooking and asks me to make him gnocchi all the time bc he likes jt (so much he told his mum about it and asked me for the recipe)

- made me pork belly ramen almost when i stayed with him over summer bc he knew closing shifts made me tired

- makes a point of going in the ferris wheel at the christmas markets so he can kiss me at the top

- randomly brings me little snacks bc he knows i like little snacks

- made little cosy movie date nights for me when we were trying to save money by folding out the couch bed bringing through the sheets and blankets and my favourite plushies n making me waffles or crepes with strawberries bc he didn’t want to stop making the effort while we were trying to cut back on spending

- actively treats the highland cow plushie he bought me as his son

- tries his best to understand my sexuality and asks me questions all the time bc he doesn’t want me to feel pressured or uncomfortable

- told me he thinks about me a lot and will randomly look through his camera roll at photos of me bc he thinks i’m pretty

- bought me a blanket to keep at his flat bc i get cold easy and it has bees on it (i love bees)

- watched drag race with me despite his complete lack of interest just bc i liked it and wanted to watch it

- gave me a framed photo of us together and put a secret note telling me how much he loved me and wanted to stay with me for my birthday last year

i could probably go on but i feel im very lucky to have someone who goes out of their way to make me smile and who genuinely loves me just as much as i love him it makes me blush and giggle every time he talks does or talks about these things he makes me rlly happy even when im having a shitty day and i’m very happy to have him w me

[rosewinterborn]

@atinydroid hello i hope you were interested in a full rundown of all of my shit bc that's what I have, after some reconstructional archaeology.

(My notes were much more organized on my last computer (I was really fond of those digital sticky notes!) and I'm working off an older version on my phone (I found them!!!). Apologies in advance for this 2am ADHD rant.)

What little plot I had:

At the end of season 2 Jon breaks Sasha out of the Stranger table (from which she is already traumatized) and then she gets to witness the (sounds of) brutal pipe murder of Jurgen Leitner before she and Jon flee to stay with Georgie. Over the course of s3, Jon has a s3-typical bad time and Sasha starts to come back to herself. Jon gets abducted for his mannequin spa appointment, Georgie raises some hell about it at the archive, and then (i guess?) everyone goes back to Georgie's where Tim and Martin have to re-download their memories of actual Sasha, and they all make up a little bit, superficially altering the details of the rest of the season. Since I didn't want to re-use my deus-ex-Helen card after Bad Time Specialists, I had Jon smuggle in a Leitner to the Unknowing (another draft has Martin drop a Leitner at the hospital after the fact), which is what catapulted them into the middle of Zadash during the Tri-Spires attack. I did not get much further than this.

I *did* have plans for the additional party members to help save Molly (I believe this was plotted well in advance of the end of c2), which is about the point that I realized how much I would have to diverge from the nein canon and the project officially got too big for me I think :P

Additional Notes:

Mag Character Classes (edited with my more current 5e knowledge)

-Jon: great old one warlock -> divination (?) wizard (though part of me dearly wants to go oath of watchers paladin) -Martin: my notes say "paladin (?)" but i could see him going more bard (probably college of eloquence or, if we're feeling spicy, whispers) or cleric (was kicking around peace or trickery domain but the twilight domain sounds fun for him). This was pre-s4 so I don't have to account for the Lonely here. -Sasha: wizard; my kneejerk for her is abjuration *but* I think illusion or transmutation would be very interesting schools for a post-Stranger Sasha -Tim: i have him down as a fighter (likely champion), but i think inquisitive rogue could also be interesting for him -Daisy: i had assumed I had her down as a barbarian but I actually put ranger and now I am enamored with the idea of her as a swarmkeeper, with her swarm being some remnant of the Hunt. However, I think I actually lean Horizon Walker for parallels with Basira -Basira: stealing oath of watchers paladin from jon -Melanie: this is my barbarian; path of the berserker, or, preferably, beast -Georgie: notes say grave cleric but i feel like life cleric would be more interesting

Character Arc Parallels:

-Jon/Fjord (:handshake: shitty warlock patron, traded up) -Jon/Caleb (in retrospect this feels more like an Elias/Ikithon parallel but idk, there's something there) -Sasha/Caleb (I brought Sasha back from the Stranger and felt like she and Caleb vibed I guess?) -Tim/Beau (anger management issue -> cultivating inner peace/using their anger productively bros) -I don't have it listed but I think also Melanie/Beau for the same reasons -Georgie/Caduceus (death is chill I guess?) -Martin/Jester (I believe this went somewhere along the lines of learning not to put everyone else's needs before your own; also in retrospect both of these are surprisingly manipulative characters and I think they'd be neat together) -Basira/Fjord (see Jon/Fjord above) -Daisy/Yasha (s4 Daisy was very compelling to me and I think she and Yasha would get along. Also her name is Daisy and Yasha likes flowers.) (my notes here say "quiet and violence")

Other Character Dynamics/Themes I Wanted to Hit:

-Caleb teaching a mute Sasha how to rework verbal components to cast wizard spells -Caleb and Georgie bonding over cats -Molly and Sasha bonding over...trauma I guess? My notes literally just say "bastards and broken things" which is a cool vibe but I'm assuming it's about him seeing her mutism and remembering being Empty) -Nott/Veth projecting her maternal attitude towards Caleb on to Martin -Jester thinking Martin needs a friend (which realistically she would do for all of the mag gang, but idk, something about the way these two specifically are both such soft and innocent *seeming* characters while being capable of great fuckery is fascinating to me) -as stated above, Beau, Melanie, and Tim all working on their anger and, additionally, Tim specifically joining the Beau-and-Molly fuck-around-and-find-out team -Caduceus and Daisy, with a similar quiet-and-violence theme as Daisy and Yasha, but with someone a little more sure of his stance on things

Ships:

(overall fond of how canon(s) shook out, so I didn't get very spicy here; Jon and Sasha did go through some interesting bonding after he pulled her out of the creepy table though and I'd read a couple of good poly mag fics so that's the direction I was planning to go)

-The S1 Magnus Polycule (Jon/Martin/Tim/Sasha) -Georgie/Melanie -Daisy/Basira -Caleb/Molly (this was pre-Essek Erin so idk where he would fit into this but I am generally of the opinion that Caleb and Molly both have two hands and Caleb deserves two purple boyfriends) -Beau/Yasha -Fjord/Jester

Also, lest you think this is in any way representative of my usual writing method, please know this is approximately eighteen thousand percent more planning than I've ever done for anything else. I had everything but the red string board for this.

MAGNUS ARCHIVES/MIGHTY NEIN CROSSOVER FIC?!?!? EXCUSE ME???

😭😭😭😭😭 it died with the realization that i was staring down the barrel of hundreds of hours of research (note: rewatching all of c2) for fanfiction of two waning hyperfixations when i had original stories i could work on. I did try to noodle out a summary at one point but that didn't scratch the itch so i never finished it.

My preferred method of fanfiction is following canon as closely as possible while weaving in my changes (see: juno steel and jonathan sims: bad time specialists) so it would have been super finicky and require a lot of attention to detail for something that had like. 12 characters? I think? Basically i yeeted the magnus crew into exandria at the end of season 3 where the nein found them and the party doubled in size overnight. Somewhere i still have my notes about what classes the mag crew settled into and which of the nein they paralleled/imprinted on, which I'll post when i find it. It probably would have worked as a series of short stories about pairs or small groups of characters but again. C2 is hundreds of hours and i was gonna be a weird perfectionist about it so i took it off the back burner and put it in a cabinet to ferment :P

Also special shout out to anyone still around from the mag discord bc thats where this fic idea came from!

[marsupial-tapir]

years pass, fiances are revealed, but sabenily remains the Good Kush

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

[isa-ghost]

Describe what your perfect day would be like, from start to end?

Im gonna bullet list this I think, and just add “with @deaths-presence“ after all of them.

Wake up somewhere between 9 and 10am during summer. Im gonna assume this day is sunny and warm though if there were thunderstorms Im down for that too.

Probably check Tumblr and Discord on my phone or laptop. Get my two Snapchat streaks done. Usual Just Woke Up Routine basically.

Eventually get up.

Breakfast. Crepes or fried eggs, depends on if I want salt or sweet. Coffee is also a must. If wife isn’t awake, she’s gettin breakfast in bed if she doesnt wake up with or shortly after me.

Time for Sean’s first upload, probably gonna watch that if it’s enticing. If not we gonna catch up on Watch Later vids.

Around noon or 1pm is when Im ready to start Doing Things so, change into Going Out clothes and finances provided, do smth fun. The mall, the zoo, lunch, the pool. Im not picky. Just somethin fun if not multiple things. If I’m broke, we vibin at the park or in a forest.

Either out to dinner, fast food, or go home to cook sustenance. As long as we agree on food I dont mind what we do. Tho if this is My perfect day, my first choice would probably be Bdubs bc their wraps are *-*

Back home time if we ate out. If its clear weather we havin a bonfire when it gets dark. If it wasnt just the two of us all day, we were prob with friends and friends can prob come home with us if one of us isnt tired. Squad bonfires hell yeah. That’d prob be the rest of the night until they all went home and we prob shower off the bonfire smell and then vibe in bed.

If we didnt bonfire or have friends or its shitty weather, we watching YouTube or anime and having dessert. Vibe out the rest of the night until bed. More like until 2am bc we’re all gremlins.

[hatsukeii]

Hii!! 3 and 22 for the quarantine asks please! 😄

Here goes...

3. What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on?

I usually just put on some music videos and vibe to them lolol you know like those aesthetic ass videos that put in different scenarios for songs. One of my recent favourites is “Slow Dancing In The Dark but you’re in a bathtub” and it’s honestly one of the most beautiful edits I’ve heard of this song. Or I might just make a playlist of songs I enjoy so I can write while listening. I might also put like random offlinetv or like cooking videos on if I just need some sound output although if I were actually trying to watch it I’d laugh my ass off. (Is it just me or does vibing to music at night make you wanna cry? Just me? Okay.)

22. What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)

I went through at least two phases. The main phase I went through was the Greek Mythology phase lol. I mean dude, I was 11, obsessed with the Percy Jackson series and basically anything written by Rick Riordan. Plus my friends liked the series too, so we were all convinced the Greek Gods existed for the longest time hahah- One of my friends managed to convince me to believe I was a daughter of Hermes bc I managed to get over half the answers on a listening test right just by throwing an eraser labelled with A to D. I was big sad bc I wanted to be a daughter of Poseidon lolol (but considering my rotten luck these days I don’t think Hermes kept me, I’m pretty sure he transferred me to one of his relatives.) Another phase I went through was the kpop phase. Idek if that’s an actual phase but for 2 years I was borderline obsessed with BTS. I mean like I watched their music videos the second they were released in my country, watched crackhead compilations of them until like 2am, drew fanart of one of them, had a file with said member on it, my Pinterest page was filled with memes and photos of them, I had all the albums on my phone, yeah. That was how obsessed I was. I mean I guess I eventually grew out of it, but if you play one of their songs I can probably still remember the choreography to it, just saying I’ll bust out into dance and song. I mean I did chat with you about it, and I don’t get why they get so much shit from people. Most people in my school absolutely hate them. Apparently they all look like girls to them, and their music is shitty, according to the people in my class. I mean they did get onto the billboard charts for a reason, and that’s not because they’re hot. (Which they honestly are, they’re very pretty human beings, probably the closest we can get to real life anime characters.) Their songs help a lot of people battle with their negative mentality and I think they’re doing God’s work tbh. They’re actively addressing issues that people struggle with, which is much appreciated by a lot of the ARMY. Hell, they even got to work with the UN. The fact that their songs aren’t all about lovey dovey shit really hits different and is what makes them stand out so much in the kpop scene, and they deserve every single part of the spotlight. Take this as my honest opinion even as an ex ARMY that doesn’t actively listen to them anymore.

Lolol my mythology phase was fun though, I liked being able to show off my “status” of being Herme’s daughter to people in my class lmao-

[la0hu]

got woken up at 5am bc my brother-in-law is on the phone with his family in the room directly below my bedroom, and he’s talking at a loud, normal tone. he does this for half an hour, and as soon as he wraps up his phone call, the baby wakes up and starts crying bc he was fucking talking loudly right next to her, of course she’s gonna wake up and get upset... and THEN he lets the baby wail for like, another hour? because he’s too lazy to comfort her?? 

like when anna and mike came here with the baby, i anticipated losing sleep because of the baby, but now it’s because mike fucking watches TV from 2am to 4am, or is on a phone call, or walks around the house and up the stairs like he’s got cinder blocks tied to his feet, or bursts loudly into anna’s room in the morning, waking both her AND the baby up. or he takes showers when my sister and dad are taking their afternoon nap, and during the day, he never does jack SHIT to help with the baby. he doesn’t prep the bottles, doesn’t soothe her when she cries during the day, doesn’t change her diapers, doesn’t help with her daily bath, literally nothing. anna does everything, and she only gets breaks when my parents step in to help

he just locks himself in miles’s study and says he’s working all day. he doesn’t emerge at all, except maybe to use the bathroom or make himself a coffee (which he always burns and stinks up the kitchen so that’s cool too). he came out ONCE yesterday to grab sicily, because people were showing their babies on the zoom call like it’s fucking Show and Tell and that was like. the one time yesterday that he paid any attention to sicily and took her off Anna’s hands (literally), and in doing that, he actually disturbed her in the middle of her feeding time so she was fussy for the rest of the afternoon like FUCK

yes i should just let mike know he’s being loud but it’s already weird between us for some reason and i’m worried me asking mike to be quiet will strain things between me and anna because we just have that kind of complicated relationship, and the rest of the stuff doesn’t directly impact me at all and it’s not like i’m helping with the baby that much, since i’m trying to finish out the semester myself, so i’m just keeping to myself and noticing the dark looks mom and dad exchange every time mike is inconsiderate (which is like, every ten minutes)

anyway. sicily is gonna grow up with a short-tempered mother and a distant father. so that’s fucking cool. my mom got mad at my sister last night bc she lost her temper and yelled at the three-week old baby, bc she wasn’t falling asleep, and my mom said “i feel so bad for sicily.” like isn’t that fucking bleak. my sister told me she still doesn’t understand why people want to have kids and she’s waiting for it to “click”..... like what the Fuck

anna is pretty smug that sicily is gonna grow up super privileged and wealthy and safe and healthy, because anna grew up incredibly poor, constantly moved residences and lived with ppl who weren’t our parents, moved to the U.S. at age 6 knowing no english, never got anything brand new, never ever got what she wanted from our parents, lived w my dad’s shitty temper, etc. etc. so like sicily is gonna never want for anything, but what’s the point if her parents aren’t willing to be... good parents to her? 

i’m already picturing sicily as this tall, beautiful girl with dark brown hair and big grey eyes, with anna’s jawline and mike’s nose, with a sweet temper and intelligent mind -- but she’s gonna be so lonely. or she’s gonna be closed off and standoffish. or she’s gonna be cold and competitive and shallow. sicily is so innocent right now but i honestly don’t think you can grow up living with anna and mike as parents and not get fucked up a little bit. 

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

4. My car broke down in an Applebee’s parking lot at 2am for Caleb and Adam? More specifically, Caleb shows up at Adams dorm in like five am and this is his explanation (did this guy just walk for three hours instead of getting a texi? Idk, you write it not me)

I’m knocking off the college ones first bc I’m literally sitting in my dorm room right now waiting for the new Night Vale to drop. 

(send me a prompt)

~~

I’m not going to panic. I have plenty of stuff to keep me occupied, anyway - Yale’s courseload is heavy, since this is fucking Yale we’re talking about, and the homework never seems to end. This is a good time to get some of it done. I’ve got a clear desk and sharpened pencils and enough coffee to kill someone with a weaker liver. Does the liver process coffee? Fuck if I know. The point is I’m fine and I’m not going to panic. 

It’s just... he said he’d be here.

“Yeah, there was a big traffic pile-up on the Connecticut border, and all the drivers were angry,” he said on the phone. “So I had to pull over before feeling all that anger could make me get really angry too. But I’m on my way now, okay? I’ll be there soon. I love you.” 

That was three hours ago. Three fucking hours. Already it was getting late when he called.

Maybe he’s hurt somewhere, or maybe he never got over that anger. Or maybe it was too much and now he isn’t coming. Or maybe he just decided he didn’t actually want to come see me. I’m not really worth that long drive, am I? But I haven’t called. I don’t want to be that pushy boyfriend, so I haven’t called. 

Fuck, I hate my Classic Lit professor. 

I throw down the homework and check my phone. It’s 3am. No texts from Caleb. Nothing. Maybe I should just pull the covers over my head and depression nap until my phone rings, because all this is making me feel shitty. Does it count as a nap if it’s bedtime when I fall asleep?

I’m debating between my three options - continue homework, call Caleb, or depression nap - when a knock sounds on my door. When I jump up and throw it open, there he is, with a wilted bouquet of roses in hand and a sheepish look on his face. “Hi, babe,” he says. 

“Caleb, holy fuck, where were you?” I want to throw my arms around his neck, but I want an explanation first. 

“I’m really sorry. My car broke down while I was passing this little plaza place, I had to pull over into an Applebee’s parking lot until Triple A could come. But then my phone died after I got off the phone with them. I think the Applebee’s, like, physically swallowed my phone batter. I’m so sorry.” He holds out the roses. They’re my favorites, the artificial store kind interspersed with little white flowers. And dyed green. 

Everything’s okay again. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him deeply. I may not be able to read his emotions, but somehow, when he grabs me and pulls me close to kiss me back, I know exactly what he feels. 

We break apart. “I forgive you,” I say. “Get the fuck in here.” 

[rxmvns-blog1]

                𝐇𝐈,  𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒  !  i’m  𝒅𝒓𝒊  (twenty,  she/her,  pst)  !  i  was  late  posting  my  intro  for  the  first  iteration  for  pinky,  so  nothing  has  really  changed,  huh  ?  some  fun  facts  about  me  are  that  i  have  the  incredibly  dangerous  combo  of  high  ambition  and  poor  time  management  and  i’d  risk  it  all  for  a.c.e,  ateez,  and  loona  !  i’m  back  with  ya  fav  skater  eboy(?)  roman,  so  if  you’re  interested  in  plotting  connections,  feel  free  to  im  me  or  ask  for  my  discord  (where  i  would  be  way  easier  to  reach)  !

                *  𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊  𝒔𝒂𝒏.  𝒉𝒆/𝒉𝒊𝒎.  𝒄𝒊𝒔  𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆.  ╱  i  am  pretty  sure  i  saw  𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏  𝒋𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈  at  manon’s  party  that  night.  the  𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚  year  old  is  in  their  𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅  year  at  west  bridge  studying  𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒎.  i  hear  they  were  at  manon’s  party  because  𝒉𝒆  𝒘𝒂𝒔  𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅  𝒕𝒐  𝒃𝒆  𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒂  𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅  𝒖𝒑  𝒃𝒖𝒕  𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕  𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅  𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.  i  wonder  if  they  got  the  same  restricted  call  as  us.  will  they  comply?  +  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕  𝒐𝒇  𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒍𝒚  𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆,  𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒊𝒅𝒔  𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅  𝒐𝒏  𝒂  𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎  𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍,  𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆  𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅  𝒊𝒏  𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔  𝒂𝒕  𝟐𝒂𝒎.

c://roman_jeong//quick_stats.txt

full name: roman jeong / jeong jinwoo (정진우)

age: twenty

pronouns: he/him, cis male

orientation: bisexual

zodiac: scorpio

place of birth: san jose, california

c://roman_jeong//history.txt

born in san jose, california, roman lived with his parents and little sister clarissa until the age of eight, when his mom left them in pursuit of an old flame from high school that she apparently never got over. their dad tried to raise them for maybe… a few months… before realizing he had close to no parenting ability. he and clarissa were sent to live with their rich aunt in wisconsin, and they’ve been there ever since.

listen… their aunt turned out to be a Helicopter Mom to them and it was… super suffocating, especially to roman. she expected so much out of them and tried to force her own dreams onto them but he was just Not Feeling It. he’d always hit her with the “ur not even my real mom” line. despite being a rather intelligent dude with a relatively quick wit, he put the bare minimum into school (especially around the halfway point in high school) … but still lowkey wanted to do well. he was the guy who always found a way to get test answers inconspicuously and found ways to work around the turnitin system, ya feel? tl;dr: smart and capable, but incredibly unmotivated

when he was fifteen, he found out (while eavesdropping on one of his aunt’s phone calls) that his dad had gotten remarried and had twins with his new wife, a girl and a boy. furious over the fact that this was kept a secret from him for two years, he went to rant about it to his sister, who told him that they should just keep pretending like they don’t know. roman suddenly couldn’t hear, and during dinner that night, he brought it up and it was an angsty time.

after this revelation, he began Acting Out more because he hated the idea that their dad just sent them away almost like it was nothing but ended up raising an entirely new family of his own afterward. it started to feel like it was him and his sister against the world, and even to this day he would do anything for her. he got into fights a lot in high school because he gets defensive and doesn’t know when to Stop. his temper is… so short…

he took a photography class his junior year high school and just… really enjoyed it?? it was practically the only class he actually wanted to Try in. his teacher noticed this, and they ended up being pretty close. when roman wasn’t out messing around, he spent a lot of time hanging in the classroom and talking about life and photography. probably the One adult he respected, but his teacher ended up moving to new york shortly after he graduated high school. it felt like he was being abandoned once again (yikes!!!) even tho he knew it had nothing to do with him.

but yeah, for the past few years, roman has just been studying film (his aunt thinks he’s there for engineering but he did a switchy switch… haha keep it a secret!), doing freelance photography on the side, and fuckin’ shit up ! his sister is currently going to school in california, and her decision to attend berkeley lowkey rubbed him the wrong way since it’s relatively close to where their dad lives and he doesn’t want thim to reach out to clarissa or anything because he’s supposed to be dead to them.

c://roman_jeong//personality.txt

people think roman comes off as intimidating, but they’re not entirely wrong. he takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, he doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.

he doesn’t express it often, but he would literally do anything for his sister and close friends. can be incredibly protective. no kidding, his sister has complained that people didn’t want to date her because they were afraid of him KJDHGDSG

you know that friend who is able to find a persons facebook page and essentially everything about them with very, very minimal information given? yeah, that’s roman. he :// lowkey keeps up with his dad through facebook bc all of his wife’s posts are public :// he looks at posts of their family and just Suffers… it’s so bad!!!

he is the type of person that won’t share his own food but eats other people’s.

listen… you didn’t hear it from me… but he’s really just a softie… he’s just scared

doesn’t know what it’s like not to hold a grudge

acts on impulse and emotion often

c://roman_jeong//fun_facts.txt

can and will argue about the superiority of ice cream over frozen yogurt

has an emotional connection to cats and will stop to pet one; also has a cat and he loves her with his entire being

is sustained by coffee and sarcasm; drinks his coffee black

romcoms are his guilty pleasure tho they lowkey make him feel a sort of longing

his bedroom wall is covered in polaroids, which are of his friends, scenery, and neighborhood stray cats! but mostly his friends. he loves taking pictures of his friends :/ he also loves the idea of polaroids capturing a singular moment unlike how digital cameras can be used to get the Perfect Shot after like… 30 tries

has that one second every day app

mildly allergic to bananas but didn’t realize it until he asked a friend if they liked the tingly feeling they get when they eat bananas

pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am/being pushed is one of his favorite pastimes

“u can’t wear thrasher unless u can deepthroat an entire skateboard” is his instagram bio and he thinks thrasher elitists can choke. bought all of his friends black thrasher hoodies for christmas in an act of spite.

going off of that, he started saying “sk8 or die” ironically but now he can’t stop

will look you in the eyes when he holds a conversation; this is sometimes terrifying bc it rly looks like he’s staring into your SOUL but tbh he just be like that

can solve rubix cubes very fast!! when he was 13 he once spent an entire night studying rubix cube algorithms online bc he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t solve one

walks fast DGJHGS like slow down speed racer where r u goin

c://roman_jeong//that_night.txt

roman didn’t even want to Be at the party, let alone get entangled in the Big Mess

he showed up around 15 minutes before they found manon’s body, only in the area to pick up a friend after receiving a phone call

he went inside to seek them out, but little did he know what would take place 5 minutes later.

he finds it kinda unfair (and shitty karma) that he was brought into everything… but then again, a girl Died, so he doesn’t really have the right to complain.

[ongfreestyle]

Coffee and College

A Jaehyun college coffee bullet au that ZERO people asked for

So anyway, you're in your second year of college and you're in the groove of things (kinda) and all is well

You're on your way to your 9am French I class on the first day and you feel your phone vibrating

It's your bf and you smile thinking "aaww it's our 3yr anniversary n he's calling already to say good morning"

More like... goodbye

Yep. 8:45am he calls you to dump you in the driest most uncool way

"listen. I just ... I know this is random, but....I don't wanna do this anymore."

"oh. Uh. What? Sorry I didn't hear you?"

"I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore I want to break up with you. I'm sorry."

"oh. Ok. Fine. Sure. Umm...if you wanna talk about it later. Then...yeah..I have French class now bye."

End of call and start of class

Yep you're third row from the back and you plan to pay attention to the syllabus talk and following lesson but

You're definitely tearing up

Like literally WHO DOES THAT?? Just dumps you at 8am no explanation??

So anyways there are teardrops on your notes now and ink isn't tear proof so...rip

Anyways thirty minutes in and your head in kinda just down and you're kinda just crying quietly

And then this kid slides into the seat next to you

He's v late

And v cute even through the tears

And he's smiling really big even though the teacher just scolded him

He sets his coffee down and looks at you wiping snot and tears away and he hands you a napkin from his bag

You take it and mutter a "thanks"

And a moment later he slides his coffee to you too

"I didn't drink it yet"

"it's an espresso, extra caffeine"

"I made it myself"

And he's back to taking notes

And you're still kinda pouting, but it's been 45+ mins so you try to at least write down the homework assignment

And you decide to sip the stupid espresso it's actually pretty good

The next day you find yourself at the school cafeteria and guess who it is??

Espresso boy!!

And it turns out that he's even cuter in uniform!

You go to order some food and he greets you with a big smile

"feeling better today?"

"kinda"

"rough day yesterday, huh?"

"yeah. Can I have a breakfast burrito?"

"no coffee?"

"no, but thanks for the free coffee yesterday. It helped. I owe you one"

"no you don't, it's on the house. And so the one I'm about to make you next. It's today's special!"

Who are you to deny another free coffee? So you take his offer and a few minutes later you're at your table eating your breakfast and doing your French homework

And the special coffee is really good

Then one of your friends comes by and is giving you a weird look

"are you drinking the nasty coffee from the cafeteria??"

"yep. Its actually really good"

And your friend's like ??? "It's usually bitter and gross tho ?? Like 10 times outta 10"

And you shrug and get back to work and your friend grabs some food and starts doing their work too

The day goes on and finally you get some time to yourself to think about yesterday

Your ex hasn't called or texted. Nothing. And it just hits you like wow. I'm. Single.

Cool.

Except not cool because you got no closure or explanation and ouch.

So you hate it but just like yesterday, you're crying again. Just. Uglier crying.

And your roommate comes back and is like "awww sweetie, fuck him"

And she says if you wipe your face she'll take you out for ice cream

So fuck the snot and tears, you want some damn ice cream

And out you go!!

Free ice cream you two stop at a park on campus and there's a basket game going on

And your roommate is like SKSSKDJS "LOOK IT'S JOHNNY SKSJDJ"

English??

"that means holy shit it's the hottest tallest nicest guy in school and he's playing basketball look at his ARMS BITCH"

So guess who's watching a pickup game of bball while eating ice cream?

You two!

Oh and guess who else is playing and is red and sweaty and had a nice jump shot?

Coffee boy.

Yup and you might not be interested in the Score, but dammit the view was nice

The game ends and Johnny is the first to come over to the side lines n greet your roommate

She's batting her eyelashes and telling him he did amazing even tho they lost

And he's smiling and chugging water as he goes on talking and coffee boy and a few of his friends are on the sidelines now looking at you

Coffee Boy is the first to say hi and all you can do is say hi back

And thank him for the coffee again

He shrugs, "no problem. Coffee fixes almost everything in college"

Almost everything. And there's an awkward silence

"see you around." He says and he walks away

Like that you never find out his name and life moves on

French class is going well and you sit in the front now and coffee boy is always late and sits in the back

You really don't do anything except exchange glances

Then midterms are coming up and you are a bit panicked bc u definitely neglected French studies

So like any good college student you cram like hell

In the library at midnight you're trying to learn vocabulary, conjugations, grammar points

You look insane by 1am bit you can't stop then you hear someone coming I'm the library

It's (literally if you can guess by now) coffee boy

And he's got 4 coffee cups in a holder with him and a huge backpack

He spots you and waves

"mind if I sit with you?"

"mind if I claim two of the coffees?"

"there all yours" and he sits next to you and slides the holder to you just like when you first met

"I made them myself"

"so you make these awesome brews?"

"yeah the schools coffee recipe is shitty."

"well maybe you should major in business and open a coffee shop. They're really good."

"maybe I will"

And you two study quietly and you peek over to see him going over French vocab

"let's quiz each other?"

"sure"

And it's 2am and you guys realize you're both fukced

Like. No vocab is sticking and the coffee had you two literally SHAKING

And by 3am you guys are just cracking up

"I never learned your name coffee boy"

"Jaehyun. Jung Jaehyun."

"well. Good luck with the test tomorrow because I. Give. Up."

And you get up to leave and he offers to walk you home and you accept for safety reasons

"I'm glad to see you so happy. You're pretty like that."

"I'm an ugly crier, huh"

"kinda."

"okay, not the gentleman answer, but I admire your honesty"

"thanks. I hope you have a good night"

Yeah the walk back was not long at all. Too bad because you really were enjoying your time

But 9am French !!!

Midterms are over after a week and it's back to the daily grind

But days are way better when you have French now bc Jaehyun sits next to you (when he's on time and the seats open) and you guys joke around alot during speaking practice

He's brings you a new coffee everyday and asks you how it tastes and what he should add or take away

And you kinda hang out at the cafeteria now so you can talk to him while he's working

Ooppsss you have developed a small™ crush on Jaehyun and it's not going away anytime soon

You even open up to him about why you crying the day you met (tho u vowed to NVR speak of it again)

Yeah now the crush is nvr dying :)))

Bc your friends notice that you always go watch him play b-ball even tho it's not a REAL game

And he always has a coffee for you

And you two are always studying French

But like...you guys are making questionable grades...so...what's up??

NOTHING

French I finals are coming and you and Jaehyun are at your usual spot in the library, except this time YOU bought HIM coffee

"what brand ?"

"gross school brand that you didn't make, but is LOADED with caffeine"

"gross. Hand me one"

"cheers!"

And it's study time

But he's not focused

Like he never is and neither are you, but it's really off now

"is it that bad?"

"the coffee? Yeah. And my French grade? It's even worse. I won't make French 2."

And you're like WTF WTF NO FRENCH 2 WITH JAEHYUN YOUR CRUSH WHO LITERALLY GOT YOU THRU THIS SEMESTER ????

"Jaehyun. We are going to fix your grade with this final. I SWEAR."

You're like REAL STUDY MODE: ON

And he has this small smile on his face.

Sly....

"what?"

"you WANT me in your French 2 class don't you?"

"uuhhh-duhh free coffee to keep me up during le snooze fest"

"you know it's not free. It comes outta my pay check"

"okay, then I owe it to you to get you to pass this class and get to French 2"

"I guess."

Yeah. You're DRILLING info into ur heads ,,,, but Jaehyun is like ____ blank.

So you kinda snap

"yo do u wanna fail??? At least TRY!"

"I can't focus. I'm confused about something."

"past tense conjugations?"

"you."

Pause.

"I can't tell if you're over your ex. You took it hard and I'm trying to wait, but..."

???????????

"my ex? My ex is my ex...I'm over that"

"you never really brought it up much. I wouldn't know."

"Past tense."

"and also. The coffee."

"your coffee is good! I'm serious, Jaehyun!"

"yeah, but do like me...? Or my coffee?"

"both?"

Jaehyun is not making this easy for you okay

"I mean, if I didn't bring you coffee, would you still hang with me? Teach me French n stuff?"

"of course."

"so you...........like......me?"

HELL YES, but you settle for a simple yep

Then he just looks at you seriously

"you LIKE me LIKE me..like....LIKE LIKE?"

"uuhh...if I understood all of the likes right, then....yeah. I do like you."

OH AND THAT DOES IT

He is so reeeeeedddd

Like this boy GONE

You. His crush. Likes. Him. Wtf

Yeah he cannot quit grinning

And when you move on from the topic he can't focus on a single word you're saying

Finals day comes and you feel okay about your score and Jaehyun said he wants to leave it in the past

And you two go hang out at the cafeteria

And he's looking at you across the table

Randomly he just smiles at you

"I..wanna be your boyfriend...."

bc y'all nvr because s/o's officially soooo

Your heart rate

Lemme draw it

/\/\/\/\_______💀

Wow

He said it so cutely

Damn that's crazy bc you would love if he was your bf

And when you say that!!

Reference to drawing

After becoming official you two are like the cutest couple ever

And you go to French 2 and he's back in French 1

He got a 58 on the final :/

But OH WELL you're his tutor now

And you guys actually study

And he doesn't feel like he has to bribe you with coffee to make you like him

So with some hard work you both kick your caffeine addictions

And you guys spend the days making stupid jokes and playing basketball together

Cramming for French while high on 4 coffees each

(old habits die hard)

And you two tease each other so much

It's a miracle you get any work done really

Jaehyun passes his French 1 class with an A+ and he literally runs to your dorm to tell you

You crash into each other

He holds you to steady you

And hes like "babe I passed"

"that's great!"

"it's all thanks to you I could kiss you, but I have coffee breath and-"

"that's nothing new"

Okay and cue the totally cheesy kiss

Where Jaehyun's like "you're right, but our first kiss should be special"

Valentine Boy is a ROMANTIC okay

But it doesn't matter

You can't resist leaning in

And he lets out a fake groan like he hasn't been dying to kiss you since he first saw u snotting all over your notes

Yep he liked you then.

And the lean in was so slow, but when your lips met it was worth it

And the coffee taste.... wasn't so bad anyway

[rxmvns-a]

↪ choi san. he/him. cis male. ╱ i thought i saw roman jeong getting questioned by the police. the twenty year old is in their third year at west bridge studying film. they were at manon’s party because he was supposed to be picking a friend up but couldn’t find them. do you think they had something to do with her death? + the scent of freshly brewed coffee, polaroids scattered on a bedroom wall, pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am. 

hi, friends! i’m dri (nineteen, she/her, pst), and being extremely tardy is just integral to who i am as a person, i guess ! i’ve been really busy with my team this week in particular, but i’m here now, hello ! so, anyway, here’s my boi roman — he’s a mess, but i’m excited to bring him to y’all ! if you’re interested in plotting connections, feel free to im me or hmu on d*scord pray for dri’s kneecaps#7258 (where i would be Way easier to reach) !

c://roman_jeong//quick_stats.txt

full name: roman jeong / jeong jinwoo (정진우)

nickname: rome

age: twenty

pronouns: he/him, cis male

orientation: bisexual

zodiac: scorpio

place of birth: san jose, california

c://roman_jeong//history.txt

born in san jose, california, roman lived with his parents and little sister clarissa until the age of eight, when his mom left them in pursuit of an old flame from high school that she apparently never got over. their dad tried to raise them for maybe… a few months… before realizing he had close to no parenting ability. rome and clarissa were sent to live with their rich aunt in wisconsin, and they’ve been there ever since.

listen… their aunt turned out to be a Helicopter Mom to them and it was… super suffocating, especially to roman. she expected so much out of them and tried to force her own dreams onto them but he was just Not Feeling It. he’d always hit her with the “ur not even my real mom” line. despite being a rather intelligent dude with a relatively quick wit, he put the bare minimum into school (especially around the halfway point in high school) … but still lowkey wanted to do well. he was the guy who always found a way to get test answers inconspicuously and found ways to work around the turnitin system, ya feel? tl;dr: smart and capable, but incredibly unmotivated

when he was fifteen, he found out (while eavesdropping on one of his aunt’s phone calls) that his dad had gotten remarried and had twins with his new wife, a girl and a boy. furious over the fact that this was kept a secret from him for two years, he went to rant about it to his sister, who told him that they should just keep pretending like they don’t know. roman suddenly couldn’t hear, and during dinner that night, he brought it up and it was an angsty time.

after this revelation, he began Acting Out more because he hated the idea that their dad just sent them away almost like it was nothing but ended up raising an entirely new family of his own afterward. it started to feel like it was him and his sister against the world, and even to this day he would do anything for her. he got into fights a lot in high school because he gets defensive and doesn’t know when to Stop. his temper is… so short…

he took a photography class his junior year high school and just… really enjoyed it?? it was practically the only class he actually wanted to Try in. his teacher noticed this, and they ended up being pretty close. when rome wasn’t out messing around, he spent a lot of time hanging in the classroom and talking about life and photography. probably the One adult he respected, but his teacher ended up moving to new york shortly after he graduated high school. it felt like he was being abandoned once again (yikes!!!) even tho he knew it had nothing to do with him.

but yeah, for the past few years, roman has just been studying film (his aunt thinks he’s there for engineering but he did a switchy switch... haha keep it a secret!), doing freelance photography on the side, and fuckin’ shit up ! his sister is currently going to school in california, and her decision to attend berkeley lowkey rubbed him the wrong way since it’s relatively close to where their dad lives and he doesn’t want thim to reach out to clarissa or anything because he’s supposed to be dead to them.

c://roman_jeong//personality.txt

people think roman comes off as intimidating, but they’re not entirely wrong. he takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, he doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.

he doesn’t express it often, but he would literally do anything for his sister and close friends. can be incredibly protective. no kidding, his sister has complained that people didn’t want to date her because they were afraid of him KJDHGDSG

you know that friend who is able to find a persons facebook page and essentially everything about them with very, very minimal information given? yeah, that’s roman. he :// lowkey keeps up with his dad through facebook bc all of his wife’s posts are public :// he looks at posts of their family and just Suffers… it’s so bad!!!

he is the type of person that won’t share his own food but eats other people’s.

listen… you didn’t hear it from me… but he’s really just a softie… he’s just scared

doesn’t know what it’s like not to hold a grudge

acts on impulse and emotion often

c://roman_jeong//fun_facts.txt

can and will argue about the superiority of ice cream over frozen yogurt

has an emotional connection to cats and will stop to pet one; also has a cat and he loves her with his entire being

is sustained by coffee and sarcasm; drinks his coffee black

romcoms are his guilty pleasure tho they lowkey make him feel a sort of longing

his bedroom wall is covered in polaroids, which are of his friends, scenery, and neighborhood stray cats! but mostly his friends. he loves taking pictures of his friends :/ he also loves the idea of polaroids capturing a singular moment unlike how digital cameras can be used to get the Perfect Shot after like… 30 tries

has that one second every day app

mildly allergic to bananas but didn’t realize it until he asked a friend if they liked the tingly feeling they get when they eat bananas

pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am/being pushed is one of his favorite pastimes

“u can’t wear thrasher unless u can deepthroat an entire skateboard” is his instagram bio and he thinks thrasher elitists can choke. bought all of his friends black thrasher hoodies for christmas in an act of spite.

going off of that, he started saying “sk8 or die” ironically but now he can’t stop

will look you in the eyes when he holds a conversation; this is sometimes terrifying bc it rly looks like he’s staring into your SOUL but tbh he just be like that

can solve rubix cubes very fast!! when he was 13 he once spent an entire night studying rubix cube algorithms online bc he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t solve one

walks fast DGJHGS like slow down speed racer where r u goin

c://roman_jeong//that_night.txt

rome didn’t even want to Be at the party, let alone get entangled in the Big Mess

he showed up around 15 minutes before they found manon’s body, only in the area to pick up niko after receiving a phone call

he went inside to seek him out, but little did he know what would take place 5 minutes later.

he finds it kinda unfair (and shitty karma) that he was brought into everything... but then again, a girl Died, so he doesn’t really have the right to complain.

[dwindlingashesburnt]

How long do the shields stay down?

This is something I think is really really important for you to be aware of if you're in a situation that's bad for you or are just doing kinda shit in any way - physical, mental, emotional, whatever. And I'm including stuff like food, shelter, sleep under physical for the sake of this

And that is this - at some point your body and or mind will almost definitely try to protect you by shielding you from it. When it's mental or emotional this is typically a very long term thing to keep you safe that you have to actively unlearn, as is physical stuff like training yourself not to flinch or stuff like that. When it's a lack of something physical like sleep or food or so on, it's generally just intended to keep you going until you manage to get whatever it is you needed, at which point the shields should start falling on their own pretty quickly

But the obvious problem with this is that if you're being shielded from the problem, you don't know how bad said problem is. You might not even be sure what the problem is, or even worse, might not even be aware that there is a problem. This means that until those shields go down, you can't figure out what's wrong or how to fix it, and you may end up actually making the problem much worse without realising in the meantime

(That's the end of the general advice bit - which is important btw! - and now goes into my own stuff, which isn't important except to me cos it's mostly just venting so feel free to stop reading at this point)

I rediscovered this yesterday night.

Every time I get this badly worn down, it always happens exactly the same way - I've already been apathetic and tired for quite a while, low on sleep, and been constantly tense for a long time, but bc I'm apathetic and can't sleep, I stay up watching videos on youtube for far too long. At some point, I find myself actually in quite a bit of pain and only then realise it's because I'm so incredible tense, and at this point I start finding it to be a real struggle to focus my vision or pick out the voices and concentrate enough to really watch videos. A while after this, I normally find that I'm shaking uncontrollably, and acknowledge to myself that it's most likely a mixture of a shitty mental place, being so tense for so long, and utter exhaustion. So to double check, I put some simple music on that doesn't require much focus, close my eyes and focua on going limp - I know that if my own thoughts fade to absolutely nothing while the singing drifts through my mind, and that I lose ALL tension and start melting into the bed...This means I'm on the point of passing out and or veering into dangerously sleep deprived suicidal ideation type territory, and need to sleep stat.

And this is the part that really alarms me - before I go to bed I need to put the light on so I don't trip, put my phone on charge, go to the bathroom and have a drink of water. Before sitting up at this stage I am AWAYS exhausted, noticably shaking, struggling to focus my vision beyond a blur, and so mentally wiped out I can barely string a single thought together, not to mention thirsty, empty, and feeling tired down to my bones, off balance and like I want to either pass out or start sobbing any second.

But by the time I get back into bed I'm always seemingly fine, if not better than when I first started watching videos - and this fucking scares me.

Because that switch happens in less than five or so minutes! Nothing has changed in that time, I am still on the borderline of passing out, I am still exhausted, I am still in an absolute shit place both mentally and emotionally and quite frequently in the middle of a relapse, and god knows what else. NOTHING HAS CHANGED I'm just far too good at putting up a front even to myself, and so practiced at it I just do it automatically- even though this normally happens around 2am or 1am when there is absolutely nobody to put up a front for!

And when I get back in bed, if I didn't remember exactly how bad I had been not ten minutes before, even I wouldn't realise there was any issue whatsoever! Let alone an issue THAT bad

That means that every time I walk into the bathroom and instantly feel sluggish thoughts crawling through my mind and then rapidly speeding up to a somewhat normal speed, every time I fill my water bottle and watch as my hands go from shaking so bad I dropped my phone and struggled to take out my earphones to not shaking at all, every time I stand and feel the majority of the tension leave and my shoulders force themselves up and back into more of a slouch and less a slump, every time I realise my vision is suddenly clear enough to be able to plug my phone in, and balance good enough to safely walk past the landing...It scares the fucking shit out of me.

I don't make any conscious, or as far as I'm aware, unconscious decision to do this, to put up this front - it just fucking happens without my input, automatically. That's terrifying because it suggests it's going to be difficult or even impossible to stop this, or any lesser form of this, from happening in the future

It also alarms me that it tricks me, that it goes so far as forcing my thoughts and mindset to shift, and that it happens when I'm entirely alone and safe. That's fucking scary - how do I stop it if I'm not even aware of it, if it's deep enough to change how my thoughts are happening, if no outside input seems to affect it? It's not a case of just, remove the bad input and I'll be fine - what do I do with that?!

Additionally, the fact that it's so thorough, tricks even me and happens without my input..I'm horribly aware that means that at more or less any moment I may be maintaining this front and not even realise. And I know for a fact it impacts my decisions...It makes me feel scared that maybe, maybe I'm hurting far more often and far more than I think, maybe I'm effectively lying most if not all of the time, maybe I'm making decisions I wouldn't if I wasn't shielding, maybe, maybe others don't even know me properly with this.

It's only maybe ten minutes total between music (shield down) and getting back in bed (shields up)

Sometimes I suddenly and very temporarily break free of this front, or apathy, or simple fear and nonoIcan't, and message my friends trying to tell them things I urgently want to share that I know I won't be able to when those shields come back up, so it's urgent and important.....And sometimes they don't reply in time and they ask something like, "what is it?" but I won't have the words anymore, or it won't seem important, or it will seem like the worst idea ever, or I'll struggle to even remember what "it" was, or I'll feel unable to say it

But every time I know I urgently wanted to say something, and now I can't because my mind and body is just, doing its damn best to protect me, which I appreciate but I just....But it also is awful because I don't know how to tell them in a way that makes sense "I'm sorry. You missed your ten minutes. I can't, I can't, I'm sorry - I want to but I can't. You missed it" so...so often I end up deflecting because at that point really do anything else

And usually in THAT kinda scenario it's not ten minutes (it may be anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 hours) but it never lasts too long so, so if they're not online or busy or caught up in another conversation etcetcetc......I lose the chance to be honest.

And I often don't get another chance to be really, truly honest, for LITERAL MONTHS

Apparently it's been determined that this is the best way to keep me safe and not in even worse health, but it's also incredibly isolating and I hate it

Quite often all I really want to say or do is more than a quickly passed over "I love you" and a brief hug - I want to be able to say "I love you. You're my best friend and I love you for this reason and this reason and this reason. You're amazing, and I love you - you help me in this way and this way and this way and I'm so grateful. If there's ever anyway I can ever help you or make you happy...Tell me. I want you to be happy. I love you - how could I not love you?"

And I CAN'T and I FUCKING CAN'T and I can't share any of the other stuff about my experiences or personality or relationships or opinions or anything that my brain has deemed "unsafe" BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTE PIECES OF SHIT WHO THINK IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY TO BULLY AND BELITTLE AND GASLIGHT AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE AND HURT AND IT'S NOT FAIR

The three biggest things for me, are affection, understanding, and being close to people

Do you know how much it fucking kills me to not be able to say EXACTLY how much I love everyone near me, because I was told so often that to love anyone and especially to love so freely, was am invitation to be hurt?

Do you know how alone and miserable and frustrated I get when I try to be understood and understand others and succeed in neither?

I nearly started crying one time because I was with my dad and sibling, and that was all, both of whom should be safe, and I started telling a funny story about one of our cats. And suddenly I just realised that the words coming out of my mouth weren't the truth. I knew damn well they weren't, and I hadn't been planning to lie at all, and I'd started off truthfully, but some stupid small part of me had started going "this isn't safe this isn't safe you'll be hurt they'll hurt you scream at you make you feel like you should be dead they'll make you cry then call you evil for it it's not safe it's not safe" so suddenly I realised the words coming out of my mouth weren't the ones I meant to say, and I tried to stop talking and it didn't work, and I tried to go back to how it actually happened or just my original story which was very very minorly altered (like 10% different from the truth) to keep me safe, but I couldn't and that scared me because I just kept talking, this version of the story that played up how cute and tiresome the cat was, that simultaneously diminished my part in it all and yet at the same time painted me as being silly and harmless and useful and entertaining and I just....I remember I freaked out a bit when I kept speaking even though I didn't want to, but that part of me was still going "not safe not safe not safe" and then I remember feeling for an instant like I was going to have to flee because I was about to start sobbing, but then I just felt some part of me shatter and go dim and silent and die. And suddenly I felt hollow and miserable and I was shielded again, and so I just kept talking even though later I cried about it and freaked out a lot and just...I hadn't even meant to lie. I was safe. I was among allies. It was a harmless story about a cat that didn't even feature me heavily and certainly didn't cast me in a bad light, but the entire time some part just kept chanting "not safe not safe they'll hurt you you musnt you cant you cant let them theyll hurt you its not safe its not safe its not safe"

And that fucking kills me

[jinnielovebot]

"𝕤𝕠𝕗𝕥" 𝕓𝕚𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕒𝕘

tagged by: @threeracha uwu

tagging: @bangs-chan @huynjn @bangchans @hyunjeno @himeaegyo @realstraykids @hyunnlix @hanlix @straylov @district9sgf @strgaykids @chrsbng @chanscurls @straycuties @jikseu @3rachans @scene-stealers (´・ω・`) get soft my dudes

who is my bias?

ajdkdk i did this before for hyunjin alrdy so imma do it for mr lee know this time owo

what’s your favorite thing about them?

when hes not fckin loud

jk i love how hes like,,,so determined n driven like having to learn how to rap during the survival show n being sososo strong even after he got eliminated :((( and also his stage presence GODOAHDSKJAHDKJ he just oozes charisma n its just NOT OKAY SOMETIMES ;____; and i love how hes just like,,,,,,so blunt abt everything n is cheeky AF at times ahskjda im getting war flashbacks to the pic of him n his hand FIRMLY PLANTED ON CHANGBINS LEG n i love how hes just so playful n cute n hes like 2000% the type of person id prob get along w rlly well ahskdja he rlly reminds me of my sis n my best friend meaning he stresses me out n makes me wanna clock him every breathing second 

who would initiate skinship more?

AJDKDK HIM o my god he literallt gives zero shits when it comes to skinship n i can alrdy imagine him just randomly likw,,,giving tackle hugs when im just tryna mind My Own business n hes probably even more likely to initiate skinship in public bc hes rlly just a little ho whomst i love :///

who would hog the blankets more?

honestly ME AKDKDKDK i get cold so easily n if im not burritoed thr fuc up in 5 blankets then imma b PRESSED n also COLD so idc if he gets cold at night i need my blankets ://

who would be more clingy?

me bc i need attention n validation 25/8 meanwhile he’ll send me snaps w captions saying like “having fun w/o u 😜” n then i deck him

who would say ‘i love you’ first?

i FEEL LIKE I WLD EVEN THO I GET LIKE HELLA  STRESSED TRYNA SAY I LOV U IN PERSON but hes the type to b like “not until u say it first” and i just AJDKDKDK HAVE TO GIVE IN BC I NEED VALIDATION IN MY LIFE

what cuddling position would you two have?

he is on one end of the bed and i am AS FAR AS POSSIBLE ON THE OPPOSITE END in order to suppress my urge to kick him off the bed,,,romantic i kno right 😔✊💓

which colors remind you of them and why?

he reminds of like,,green and fiery red,,,,,,,,so like christmas colors 🤪

which season would you like to spend with them?

fall/winter!! ajdkdk im love going out on walks at night w him or going to restaurants at like 2am sjkdk and also fall/winter is Prime canoodling season SO

who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

u think our dead asses have time to bake NO we’re eating out

which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

BOTH OF US WOULD MAKE BAD JOKES AJDKDK but his would b so bad i wld rlly haveto get my tinder profile prwpared for the day he CROSSES the line w the bad puns :///

who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

DILEMMA bc he wants cats n i want dogs 

which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

i wld set the kitchen on fire n then he wld call out my -5 iq :’(

who likes to lean over trail railings and who pulls them back?

ajdkd him but HE WLD ONLY DO IT TO TEASE ME KSKD bc im like terrified of heights and railings so he wld do it for fun to try n scare me n make me pull him back but one day,,ONE DAY ill tell him do it fucker i DARE u

what would watching a horror film with them be like?

me tryna close my eyes SHUT n covering them w my hands n then him tryna pry my hands away from my eyes nd pranking me at night n jumping out of closets to scare me :/

who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

im the cheesy flirt bc idk how to flirt nd hes the smooth flirt bc every time he breathes its like hes TRYNA get in some1s pants

who is more competitive?

he wld be SO FKCING ANNOYING ABOUT EVERYTHING LIKE “bet u cant finish your food faster than me lets race” or “imma destroy u in mario kart loser has to sleep outside” or “BEST OUT OF THREE COWARD” and ill tell him to stfu but ofc he never does 😪😪😪

who would be given constant reminders? (don’t forget your keys, remember to eat, etc.)

both of us??? TBH IM TERRIBLE AT REMEMBERING TO EAT AND WORK AND AJDKKDK so that is y im so dependent on other ppl tbh LMFAOO n i wld needa remind him too bc he hella reckless n ends up not takint care of himself 

who sends memes and who sends cute ‘i miss you’ texts at three am?

ALSO BOTH AJSJS bc sometimes im in a soft mood n i just wanna tell him i romantically appreciate his existence n then other nights i just wanna overload his phone w reaction gifs n kermit memes :/// n sometimes he tries to b srs n admit is lov but 90% of tje time he can only communicate thru shitty memes ://

[crowned-ladybug]

okay so. selfish Marvin Rivals AU thing that got a lil long so. under the cut

something moderately shitty happens one night like Marvin has a nightmare or something and thus goes down to the kitchen in the middle of the night bc this is bullshit and he wants something warm to drink. and then he finds Jackie in the living room even tho it’s like 2am bc when everyone else went to sleep he told himself that okay just one more chapter of this book he’s Really Interested In rn and that was like fifteen chapters ago

Marvin sits with him and Jackie puts the book down Finally and eventually manages to coax him into telling what’s wrong bc Jackie is a people person and he Knows when something is up even if Marvin and him aren’t even that super close yet (this happens before Jackie’s near-dying in the fic). They end up cuddling for Comfort and just chatting about whatever (Marvin asks Jackie about his book and lets him ramble on bc it makes Jackie so happy and bc just hearing his voice go on and on without necessarily understanding is v calming) until Marvin is sleepy and calm enough to go back up to his room and try to sleep again

but before he does that, Jackie a lil nervously asks if they could make this an offical Thing. like make a pact or something. that if one of them needs help they can always, Always turn to the other and just ask for it. that they’re never alone. And Marvin agrees to it buuut while Jackie’s end of the promise is all soft and caring and absolute, Marvin’s has an undertone of “okay but only if it doesn’t inconvenience me” and Jackie does notice that he just doesn’t mention it but if it was a video game you’d get a lil “Jackie will remember that” notif up in the corner of the screen

but they promise, and then go to sleep

and then some time later (still before the end of the original fic), Jackie hurts one of his legs one way or another, probably in a fight, and it’s not the worst he’s ever had but it’s bad enough that he has to stay in bed for a few days and not walk around if he can help it. and at one point it’s only him and Marvin home bc Schneep is at work, Chase is recording and Jameson is out grocery shopping or something. And okay for one, Jackie is bored as hell even with his phone and a couple good books in his reach. But also, the pain in his leg starts to get Bad and he’d already gone through the painkillers sitting on his bedside table (there had only been like two left in the package) and the rest are in the bathroom probably. And he can’t walk bc one. Schneep said no and two. if it hurts so bad lying down he doesn’t wanna find out what it’s like if he walks around

And he wants to text Marvin (who’s probably just in his room) that hey dude could you pls bring me some painkillers and maybe possibly some snacks too? but he also remembers how Marvin made that promise they made so he also Doesn’t wanna ask bc he doesn’t wanna bother him if he’s just. not up to helping

Marvin checks in on him like. an hour later. or maybe just half an hour but either way it feels like ten. to ask if he needs anything and maybe hang out a lil. and Jackie tells him that yeah if he could like bring a painkiller that would be Great and Marvin immediately goes to get him some but when he gets back he goes “jesus christ if you needed a painkiller why didn’t you just fuckin text me or something you dumbfuck” and Jackie just shrugs as he takes the pill and v quietly goes “didn’t wanna bother you” without looking at Marvin

and Marvin is fucking Livid bc wtf why would you be bothering me and also who tf cares if you are you were In Pain i won’t die if i get off my ass for a minute and help you Not Be In Pain?? and Jackie Tries to explain it while still just beating around it instead but eventually he still ends up saying how when they promised they’d help each other. Marvin didn’t really seem up for it

and Marvin feels like such a huge shithead and the fact that Jackie keeps telling him that it’s whatever, it’s okay, when he tries to apologise is only making it Worse. he ends up dropping it for a moment to ask Jackie if he can stay and hang out and Jackie says sure so he lies down with him bc Comfy and goes “yknow what. let’s try that promise thing again. i’ll be there for you too. no conditions this time” and Jackie just Beams at him and it’s v soft and v good

and when they’d agreed on that, Jackie changes topic and goes “okay are the painkillers working like super fast or did you do some magic shit” and Marvin grins and says “magic shit” and looks awfully happy with himself. upon further questioning he tells that via magic he took like. about half of Jackie’s pain upon himself until the painkilers kick in bc that’s the least he could do. Jackie goes all “no wtf why would you do that, i’m fine??” but Marvin just goes “shut up. we’ll share it” and Jackie shuts up and they do