#but she feels they do not like her weird intensity
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Picture it with me people
Season 16. Opens with Dean realizing Heaven isn’t good. He’s having these memories of him and Cas through the years and is just like ‘if this was heaven he’d be here’ type shit you know
Supportive Sam and him break out and try to go rescue Sam from the empty. Dean is depressed as hell as always, but he has a purpose now so he’s compartmentalizing, but we continue to see memories. At first, they were all bro-like shit (as much as Destiel ever can be so still romantic lmao) but it starts transferring into stuff we’ve never seen before.
A night in the Dean Cave just them and they keep just looking at each other. [the audience can’t tell if it’s sweet or if they are getting second hand embarrassment since Dean’s fucking 40 and Cas is billions of years old]
A time where Cas heard about the kiss it better thing and fucking DID IT when he cut his hand or some shit. We begin to realize they might have been slightly more aware of things that we were led to believe.
There’s more chill domestic stuff but the kiss it better thing comes up once or twice more. Enough to show us that’s one of their weird little rituals that no one knows about; but ITS A THING!!!
Cas is saved. There’s hugging and intense eye contact. Sam is there. He gets a hug too and suddenly they are having trouble looking at each other. Dean is distraught. He’s fucked up about feelings, he can’t voice this shit! He tried in purgatory but Cas didn’t let him, but now, now he can’t. He keeps trying to talk to him; Cas is sure to remind him he is okay and knows Dean doesn’t feel a certain way.
He’s frustrated. Why is Cas making this so difficult?? How does he have no clue? Surely he’s aware how he acts with Cas is VERY different to how he acts with everyone else/how everyone else acts with him?
It comes to him suddenly when he bangs his hip on the counter. As he swears (loudly) a little voice in his head is saying ‘Cas needs to kiss it better’. And then he knows. Since he was rescued, they’re little rituals have gotten infrequent and awkward. Cas doesn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable after all! He knows now!
Dean runs. Bangs on Sam’s door. Sam opens it, it’s late, he’s annoyed. “What, Dean, why do you look so excited?” He’s doing his bitch face
“Sammy, punch me in the mouth” he prepares himself for the punch, he can hardly stop grinning. He’s practically vibrating with excitement, the freak.
“Dean? What? Why would I punch you?” Sam is perplexed. He’s concerned. He would love to punch Dean (lol)
“I need you to. It’s important, please, Sam”
Eileen hears them and comes to the door as well. Sam explains what’s going on while Dean looks at her and pleads to punch him. She clearly realizes something Sam doesn’t becuase she starts cackling before winding back and punching him. Hard. His lip splits, and he grins around slightly bloody teeth before waving goofily and turning to go while Sam throws up his hands in frustration because What! The! Fuck!
Anyways. Dean marches down the hall. He’s nervous. He knocks. Cas answers. He looks down at Dean’s fucked up bloody mouth and is like Dean! What happened! Who must I kill! And Dean’s like it’s all good man but 😔👉👈it hurts
Cas is all; let me heal you…and Dean’s like OKAY THAT’S FINE WITH ME HA HA
There’s a bit of staring while Cas tries to figure out what’s going on and he slowly raises two fingers before Dean slowly pushes his hand down. He doesn’t let go of the loose grip on his wrist. His hands are shaking a bit. Cas is feeling a little rejected, he can’t even heal Dean now? But Dean is so close, and he’s still holding his wrist? Why is he shaking a bit? What’s go- oh. Oh oh oh oh
Cas very tentatively leans forward and presses tiny little delicate to Deans mouth as he heals him and cdjrjgfjejficsjtjvisjtv
Anyways they kiss a lot yay the end
dean: ow, fuck. i cut my finger.
cas: here, let me kiss it better.
dean, blushing furiously: oh- uh- okay.
[later]
dean: sammy, i need you to punch me in the mouth.
sam, already winding up: done.
#destiel#well. destiel and sam.#gosh it needs to happen#why did I write this? I don’t know fucking sue me there are BUGS in my BRAIN
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Commission for @sammehshark
Request: dragon x fem reader, where the reader is a knight sworn to protect the dragon who is royalty. does that work??🥺
A/N: Hope you enjoy this!
From fury to fire
Dragon x fem!reader || teasing, hate sex (but not really), oral sex, size kink, overstimulation
Feeling him inside of you, so deep you could feel him in the back of your throat as he pounded into you chanting about how much he liked your human body, you couldn’t avoid thinking about the first time you met and how his feelings about you weren’t exactly of love (or so he said).
His father, the king, just introduced you as the new royal knight, the one who would protect the prince from now on. You knew it was unusual, a human protecting a dragon? Nobody would suspect that, and that’s exactly why they choose you. And because you were the best knight in the royal army, that too, but the surprise factor was the main reason. You would blend in as his servant, as someone there to help him, but not to protect him. And that would make you the best royal knight possible, and the king knew this. But his son wasn’t so keen on the idea.
“How can a human protect me?” He almost spit the word. The way he roared his disapproval made you feel like a bug, but it also ignited such fury inside of you that before you could realize you were walking up to him, so much bigger than you, your eyes blazing with rage.
You pressed your index finger to his scaly chest, not even caring he was your boss AND your prince. Without blinking you told him: “What better than a human,” you mocked his tone, “to protect a dragon? Is somebody going to suspect I’m the best knight in the army?”
He huffed a laugh, smoke coming out of his nose as he did. “You aren’t the best knight in the army,” he mocked, like the idea was stupid in its own.
You knew you shouldn’t. You knew it wasn’t a good idea. You knew you just got hired, and even if you were great, kicking the prince’s ass was probably not a good move. But he laughed at you, and you were beyond annoyed. So you did what you did best: you maneuvered your body around his much bigger one until he had his back to the floor and you were sitting on his chest smiling down at him.
“Well, my lord,” your tone was full of venom, “guess you aren’t better than me.” You couldn’t believe you used to have a crush in the stupid dragon. (And couldn’t believe even less that you still did.)
“Enough you two,” the king roared, a breath of fire leaving his mouth and almost setting the curtains on fire. “She’s going to be your new guard, and you are going to let her,” the king continued, stopping your bickering.
He grunted in annoyance but didn’t say anything else as you got up. You didn’t offer him a helping hand, you didn’t even say anything as he walked out of the room and you followed close. Your job just began, and you already knew it was going to be intense.
The first couple weeks were weird. He didn’t talk to you and you didn’t talk to him, you simply followed close every time he left the palace and he dismissed you as soon as you entered. You didn’t have to do much outside pulling away some of his fans (even though he insisted they weren’t his fans). It was okay, an easy job.
Until one day someone tried to stab him and you saved his life. He grunted as you stopped the attacker and diffused the situation, calling reinforcements to take him away. He seemed tense when you walked back to the palace, as if your presence alone was driving him insane.
“You should quit,” he stated as you walked him to his room, your body still thrumming with adrenaline and pent up tension after the incident.
You registered his words a second later, grunting a very loud: “No.” You just saved his life and he was acting like you were still a bug, and it started to make you angry. Adrenaline and anger didn’t mix well with your impulsive self.
You arrived at his door, and he turned around to look at you, his face impassible as he asked: “Why are you so infuriating? Why aren’t you scared of me even? I’m twice your size and you are standing there as if I was normal.” He sounded almost annoyed.
“I have loyalty to the crown, my lord,” you told him. His title left your mouth like a dart, leaving him speechless for a second.
You tried not to refer to him as my lord after he specified, you couldn’t, but you had enough. You were mad at him, and high on adrenaline, and he was being a dickhead. You protected him, he could have died, and instead of being concerned he was attacking you for doing your job. For protecting him.
You could see the muscle in his scaly jaw twitch. “Stop that.”
You couldn’t hold yourself back from teasing him more, wanting to get a rise out of him, wanting him to be as mad as you were. As desperate. “What do you mean, my lord?” You played dumb.
“Stop acting all proper and shit. Stop referring to me like that. I don’t like it.” You already knew that, but your anger blinded your brain.
“What do you like then, my lord?” Your voice was filled with amusement and teasing.
“You,” he answered simply, leaving you speechless.
Your brain short-circuited and all the anger inside of you disappeared, confusion overpowering any other emotion you could have. “Wh-what? I thought you didn’t like humans like me.” You cursed yourself, your words sounded stupid out loud.
He laughed bitterly, his claws grabbing your arms and getting you closer to the heat of his big body. “You were wrong. I like humans like you a little bit too much.” There was something in his tone you couldn’t decipher.
“What does that mean?”
He looked at you like you were stupid, and you almost felt like it at the moment. “You think I haven’t been dying to taste you since you knocked me on my ass? You think it hasn’t been driving me crazy to see you all proper and ready to fight for me every time we leave the house? You are wrong, little knight.” And then he claimed your mouth, his big wings coming around your body, cradling you into the tightest and warmest embrace of your life as he devoured your mouth like a starving dragon.
You give back as much as he was giving you, kissing him senseless as you moaned against his mouth. His hands found your middle and he urged you up, your legs wrapping around his middle as he walked backwards into the room, closing the door behind you.
And then his claws were everywhere, groping your ass, touching every inch of your body as you shivered and moaned. The kisses became frantic as you ground against the hard on you could feel against your hot center. He playfully bite down onto your lower lip with his fangs and you let out such a loud moan that he chuckled, pulling away and looking at you like he just saw you for the first time.
He kissed the tip of your nose in the most tender gesture ever, making your heart beat faster and faster. He walked to the bed, laying you down so carefully you felt like a treasure. “You are going to be a good little knight for me now? Are you going to let me give you what you deserve?” His tone was teasing, but there was an edge of intensity there that made you shiver.
“And what is that?” You asked, out of breath after such intense make out session.
“To be worshiped.”
He launched at you, tearing down your clothes and his own, getting you naked in less than a minute. His hands found your legs as he pulled them apart, burying his face in your dripping pussy. He ate you out desperately, his way too long tongue hitting every pleasure point in and out of you, his movements frantic as you moaned. Your hands tried to find some kind of grab in his head, but the smoothness of his scales didn’t allow you to. You ended up grabbing onto the sheets as you cried out his name in an earth shattering orgasm.
You had never come so fast and so hard, but he wasn’t done with you. He positioned himself over you, his big body towering over you like a god. You looked at his scaled dick with concern. “I don’t know if that will fit,” you warned him.
“It will, my little knight, you were made for me,” the tone of his voice left no room for arguing and it made your heart skip a beat.
He started slow, pressing inside of you little by little. He felt so big, so wide, you were about to be split apart. But in a good way. In the best way. He was panting over you, his wings twitching as he tried to be as slow as possible as he kept going and going… and going. By the time he bottomed out you were squirming underneath him, your mouth closing around his hand next to your ear. You bite down hard, making him curse and bulk against you, the movement making both of you groan.
And that was it. It was all it took for him to lose himself on you completely. He roared and started a frantic pace, each thrust making you scream his name as he pounded into your aching core. The scales of his dick felt smooth and soft inside of you, stimulating your G-spot until you were trembling under him with another orgasm.
He didn’t stop. He kept fucking you as you groaned and moaned, the universe fading into the background as he drove you to another dimension filled with pleasure and an incredibly hot dragon fucking you.
You came at least three more times before he looked up and roared his climax, fire leaving his mouth as he burned part of the ceiling as you giggled under him. His erratic movements making you see stars, but your body was too spent to come again.
He filled you to the brim and pulled back, staring at the point where his come was leaking out of your overused pussy. He smirked, his claw pushing the come back inside over and over as you whimpered in oversensitivity.
“My little knight wasn’t as fierce in bed as she’s in combat, are you?” He teased, kissing your soft tummy with reverence.
“You are so cocky…” You caressed the top of his scaly head, and he purred in delight, making you smile down at him.
“And you like it,” he stated, and you couldn’t deny that. “And I like you,” he said with another kiss to your hip, tickling you at the same time.
After that day everything got better. Knowing he didn’t hate you, but he was head over heels for you made it simpler (and complicated at the same time). But you two made it work. You took care of him outside the castle… and he made sure to take care of you inside it.
#commission#monster commission#dragon#dragon x reader#dragon x you#dragon x human#monster#monster fucker#monster imagine#teratophillia#monster x reader#monster x human#monster boyfriend#terato#monster fuqqer#monster kink#monster smut#monster x you#monsterfucker#monster love#monster lover#monster romance#monsterfucking nsft
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Sheets
megumi fushiguro x fem-reader
p.1
p.5 ( ⸝⸝꩜ ᯅ ꩜⸝⸝;) p.7
p.6
AN: Have you eaten yet? this guys an angsy lil shit
warnings: yandere, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, mommy kinks, mommy issues, arranged marriages, forced marriages, angst, eventual smut, clan politics, age gap (5 years from meg, and a little over 10 with toji), toji aint the best dad, mentions of child abuse, slowww build.
the talk
When Toji came home, Megumi’s protectiveness magnified tenfold.
His usual quiet demeanor gave way to something more intense, almost territorial. Without realizing it, he’d position himself between you and his father, his sharp eyes narrowing every time Toji stood too close or made an offhand remark. It was subtle at first, but it grew harder to ignore.
“Why’re you standing so close to her like that?” Megumi’s voice would cut through the air, low and firm, laced with thinly veiled disdain.
Toji, never one to miss an opportunity to provoke, smirked. “Relax, kid. She’s my wife, you know.”
That word—wife—hit Megumi like a sucker punch, sending something bitter and ugly twisting inside him. He hated it. Hated the way Toji said it with that smug tone, as if it were a brand.
Hated the way you responded so nonchalantly, as though it didn’t faze you at all. Toji calling you wife felt deliberate, like his father was staking a claim on something Megumi didn’t fully understand—but desperately wanted for himself.
It set his teeth on edge, made his chest tight with emotions he couldn’t name—most definitely couldn’t ignore. The feeling so abstract, something that had been building up in the months spent at your side. Learning everything he could about you.
“It’s not like it’s real,” Megumi snapped suddenly, his fists clenched at his sides, his voice harsher than he intended. “She’s just your arranged wife. Stop acting like it’s anything more than that. She doesn’t even want you that close in the first place. You’re making her uncomfortable.”
The room went still, a suffocating tension settling between the three of you. Even you froze, caught off guard by the venom in Megumi’s tone. Toji’s smirk faltered slightly, his sharp eyes narrowing as he studied his son.
You braced yourself, worried another fight might erupt to completely sour the evening.
But then something shifted. Toji seemed to catch onto something—something even you hadn’t fully noticed. You've caught yourself a little lovesick puppy. His laugh came low and mocking. And his signature smirk returned, sharper than before, as he leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms.
“Man, you’re so protective,” he drawled, his tone dripping with condescension, every word a deliberate jab. “You do know I’m the reason she’s here in the first place, right? Gotta admit, it’s kinda weird, though—acting all territorial over your mom.’” He practically spat the word mom—a taunt rather than anything sincere. Megumi was sure to not bring it up around him. So why the hell was he hurling it like an insult?
And yet the jab had hit Megumi harder than he expected—not because it was wrong, but because of how wrong it felt coming from Toji.
So what if he had called you “Mom”. He'd always said it quietly, in moments where it felt safe, where he knew he wouldn’t be called out for it.
So what if he liked how you smiled when you heard it, the warmth in your voice when you responded, the way your gaze lingered on him like he was the most important person in the room. In the world. It had made him feel... secure, like you wouldn’t leave him no matter what.
But hearing it from Toji’s mouth, laced with mockery, made it feel almost...invasive. Like he was twisting it into some kind of fucked up joke.
It boiled under his skin, consuming and unbearable, a flame that refused to die out. Why did it piss him off so much? Why did it matter what Toji said? And why did it feel like Toji was seeing right through him—exposing the feelings that even Megumi himself didn’t fully understand? And right in front of you—
“Shut up! She’s not my mom,” Megumi hissed back, much sharper than he intended, unable to keep the vitriol out of his tone. He didn’t even know why he felt the need to clarify, why those words spilled out like a defense.
But the moment they left his lips, guilt crashed over him like a wave. His gaze darted to you instinctively, catching the flicker of hurt in your eyes before you quickly masked it—taking a deep breath. His chest tightened painfully, shame coiling in his gut.
He hated that he’d made you feel that way, hated that he’d let Toji push him into lashing out. He wanted to say something to fix it, to reassure you, but the words stuck in his throat, refusing to come.
You sighed, stepping in before the tension could spiral further out of control. Toji’s taunt had struck a nerve in you as well. His oh-so casual reminder of your arranged marriage—of why you were here, bound by duty more than choice—felt like a veiled warning, a way to keep you grounded in your place. It stirred something uncomfortable in your chest, but you pushed it aside.
This wasn’t about you.
Right now, it was about defusing the storm brewing in the room.
“Alright, that’s enough,” you said firmly, your gaze cutting to Toji with a sharpness that immediately silenced his smirk. Surprisingly, he left little fight for when you bothered to step into their fights.
“Toji, stop teasing him.” You turned to Megumi, your expression softening, your tone gentler but no less resolute.
“And Megumi…” You paused, a voice with such warmth you reserved for him. “Toji is my husband. It’d be weirder if he avoided me. But I’m here for both of you, okay? Not just him, not just you. Both of you. We’re family. So let’s try to get along, yeah?”
Megumi didn’t respond immediately, his jaw clenching as he stared at the floor, his emotions a tangled mess he couldn’t even begin to unravel.
Family.
He despises that word, loathes the way it forced Toji into something that, in his mind, should have been just you and him.
The warmth in your voice, the way you said it with such sincerity, made his chest tighten painfully. It stirred something deeper than anger or frustration—something vulnerable and raw that he didn’t know how to name. Disgust. Jealousy. Delirium.
Before Megumi could even begin to piece together the scattered fragments cutting him mind, you gently shooed both of them out of the kitchen.
Your calm words was firm, your smile soft but unyielding as you set the boundary. Pushing him by his shoulders towards the doorway. “Go, Megumi. Relax for once, okay? I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
He wanted to argue—he always helped with dinner—but the way you smiled at him left him unable to make an excuse. He didn’t want to upset you. Didn’t want you to hate him.
Reluctantly, he left, the loss of your presence settling over him like an ache.
Toji, watching the interaction with a raised eyebrow, smirked as he pushed off the counter. “Got him trained already, huh?” he quipped, but his tone lacked its usual bite, almost as though he were trying to gauge your reaction. He had picked up on something. Something he didn’t exactly like.
You didn’t spare him a glance, your attention focused on the meal in front of you. “It’s called building trust,” you replied smoothly, your voice easygoing. But with a subtle edge. That warning telling him not to pester you.
Toji chuckled softly, a low, thoughtful sound, before turning and following Megumi out of the kitchen.
Outside the kitchen, Toji followed Megumi to the living room, leaning lazily against the wall, his smirk as irritating as ever.
It was the kind of expression that always set Megumi’s nerves on edge, a reminder of just how easily his father could get under his skin. They fought constantly these days. Even when Megumi tried to ignore him.
The silence between them stretched, heavy and loaded, before Toji finally spoke, his tone dripping with a hint of mockery.
“What’s got you so riled up lately, huh? Acting all high and mighty—like you’re the man of the house.”
Megumi stiffened, his jaw tightening as he shot his father a glare. “I’m not acting like anything,” he muttered, his voice taut. Ready for the fight. Itching to throw a punch if need be.
Toji snorted, pushing off the wall lazily, his smirk widening with amusement. Strolling closer to where Megumi sat on the couch. He always loved stirring the pot. Especially with his son.
“Sure, sure. That’s why you’re always hovering around her, huh? You like calling her ‘Mom,’ don’t you? But only when you think I’m not around to hear it, right?”
Megumi’s face burned, heat rushing to his cheeks as his entire body stiffened. “Shut up,”—a sentiment he always spat at least once when interacting with his father.
Toji’s grin only deepened, clearly feeding off his reaction. He needed to get to the bottom of this.
“What’s this, huh? Some kinda mommy fetish? You’re a weird kid, you know that? But don’t forget—she’s my wife. She needs this marriage a hell of a lot more than I do, so keep that in mind. Wouldn’t want word getting out that my boy’s been drooling all over her, yeah?”
“Shut up!” Megumi’s voice rose, striking two on the counter. He kept himself taunt, fully prepared to throw punches, no matter the outcome.
And if he’s honest—he didn’t care about the mocking tone, the smug smirk, the bait Toji was throwing.
No. All he cared about was you—the person Toji dared to talk about so casually, so possessively, like you belonged to him. Like he knew you. Like he deserved you.
Toji chuckled, shaking his head as he straightened up.
"Relax, Megs. I’m just messing with you," he said, though the sharpness in his tone made it clear there was more to it.
Then his voice dropped, the humor draining away, replaced by something colder. "But seriously, what’s with you lately?” Toji drawled, unable to keep out some amusement.
“Always stuck to her like glue, damn near biting my head off if I so much as breathe near her. What’s the deal? You think she needs you or somethin’?”
Megumi’s fists clenched at his sides, his jaw tightening as he shot his father a glare. “What’s your point?” he muttered, barely masking the frustration bubbling beneath the surface. He’d confirmed it. Megumi was an open book by this point. How you hadn’t even noticed it was astounding. Maybe too swept up in your role in their life’s. In being the perfect little housewife. But he couldn’t let this go. Not that he really cared whether Megumi liked you—no. That wasn’t the issue.
Toji watched—his sharp gaze piercing right through Megumi. “My point? You’re playing with fire, kid. You’re gettin’ too close to her, and you don’t even realize it. Her clan’s no joke—they’re a problem waiting to happen. And trust me, it won’t look good if someone thinks you’re trying to....I dunno, play house or somethin’.”
Megumi froze, his breath catching in his throat. Playing house with her? The insinuation made his stomach twist, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. “What are you talking about?” he said sharply, not able to keep his confusion from bleeding into defensiveness. “She’s my...she’s family.”
Toji raised a brow, his smirk growing more condescending. “Family, huh? Is that what you’re telling yourself? That why you’re watching me like you’re ready to throttle me every time I get close to her?” He leaned in slightly, his tone dropping to something akin to a warning. “You’re a kid. You don’t even know what you’re feeling yet, so let me make it simple. Her clan’s trouble. Big trouble. And if they catch even a whiff of you trying to get closer to her—closer than you should—they won’t just make it your problem. They’ll make it hers, too."
Megumi’s fists clenched at his sides, his glare unwavering. But he can’t deny it—Toji’s words hit like a bucket of ice water, freezing something deep inside him. His mind raced, still trying to process the implications of his words. Still reeling at the thoughts of playing house with you. Of what he was really feeling here.
Toji didn’t let up, his tone growing heavier with meaning. “You know they’ve got their eyes on you, right? Them and the Zenin clan? They’re not the kind of people you want to be messing with. You so much as breathe wrong, and they’ll have you tangled up in their bullshit before you even know what hit you.”
Her clan. His father’s clan. Megumi’s stomach twisted.
He’d known about their visits, their persistence, the weight they seemed to hold over you. But hearing Toji say it like this, with an edge of warning, unsettled him.
Were they really that dangerous? Were you in more trouble than you let on? What did they mean to you? You hadn’t ever hinted at the possibility that they could be a threat. His mind raced, questions colliding with emotions he couldn’t quite untangle. Just what was Toji implying? He felt crazy—not able to form a rationale sentiment.
His judgment clouded.
“I can handle it,” Megumi said stiffly, his voice cold, though his chest remained tight. Not fully believing his own words. “Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.”
Toji’s smirk widened, his sharp eyes boring into Megumi like he was dissecting him, pulling apart his defenses with ease. The kid never had much experience with the clan life either way. So how else was he gonna know what they were really after? Toji may not be a great father. But he did his job well. Megumi hadn’t any clue what this could mean for him.
There was no humor in Toji’s expression, only a bitter edge that made Megumi’s skin crawl. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about, do you?” His tone almost pitying, the mockery cutting deep. “Like I said before—you’re a kid. You think you can protect her? Keep her safe from that world?” His voice dropping to a low murmur. “You can’t even tell how bad you’ve got it.”
He stayed silent, unwilling to give Toji the satisfaction of a reaction.
But Toji wasn’t finished. Wanting the warning to stick. Needing it to.
“The Zenin clan…” he drawled, his tone laced with bitterness, his gaze growing distant for a moment, as if dredging up something unpleasant. “They’d love to get their hands on you. You’re already on their radar.”
Though his voice remained calm, the weight of his words settled heavily in the room, the faint clang of dishes sounding in the background.
A constant reminder of your presence.
“Y’know that’s why she’s here, right?” Toji stalled, looking back as if making sure you weren’t there. Nearly debating on if was worth telling him this. He didn’t like the idea of Megumi’s only decent relationship falling apart through him, but he solidified his stance knowing he didn’t like the alternative.
“Funny how they work—arranged marriages. The clan heads can decide whatever they want. They’ve got so much control, especially over people like her. Women, y’know. It’s just another move to pull you in. Sent her here to watch, to get information—on you, on me. See if you’re all talk.”
Megumi’s eyes dart to his father’s, surprise painting his features. And for all intents and purposes, Toji met his gaze—piercing and unreadable, pinning him in place. So shamelessly and casually like he was discussing the weather.
Megumi’s fists clenched at his sides. He didn’t want to believe him. Didn’t want to think you could do that to him. But worst of all—his didn’t want your care to be fake.
And if it was true—because why would Toji lie here? What would he get out of this? He didn’t want to ask the question that burned at the back of his mind—didn’t want to hear his answer—not yet. But it slammed against his thoughts like stones pelting a wall.
Why had Toji let someone like you into their lives in the first place?
“What do they want with me?” Megumi asked, avoiding the glaring question. His voice low and tense. The disbelief still strung across his face.
Toji’s smirk remained stretched across his face—humorless, a sharp edge to his words almost like it was obvious. “Your Ten Shadows Technique. That’s what they’re after. That’s the prize. They want to see if you’re worth the trouble. Investments and all that. And if you are, they’ll come for you.”
His tone was almost mocking, like he was telling a scary bedtime story about an unimaginable boogeyman lurking in the shadows, waiting to snatch him up. It was comedic in a way.
His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he processed the weight of Toji’s words.
“She hasn’t even asked about that,” he shot back, defensive, his mind racing. He couldn't stand the pounding in his ears. The possibility that you might not be the person he thought you were. That you didn't actually care about him. Was this all a performance?
“She’s not stupid,” Toji replied smoothly, his tone unnervingly calm. Feeling somewhat sympathetic for whatever the fuck you two shared.
“She’s sharper than they give her credit for, playing their game better than most of them realize. But don’t fool yourself, kid—she’s still here for a reason. She might care about you, but don’t pretend she’s not tied to a leash.”
His mind was reeling. Turning. Spinning. The idea of you being under someone else’s control, in a way you couldn’t escape, twisted something inside him. The small voice in the back of his head told him there was a good chance you weren't faking it. His father’s voice was heavy with warning, but there was something else there, too—almost pity.
“Even she knows what’s at stake,” Toji added.
Megumi’s glare faltered, feeling drained. Confusion was a constant theses days. And it laced his tone as he pressed further, his voice dropping low so it wouldn’t carry over the sound of your soft humming from the kitchen. "If she’s not with them anymore, then why would she still be reporting to them? Why is she even talking to them at all?
Toji sighed, moving to lean back against the wall, his arms crossing over his chest. “You think it’s that simple?” he said. “Clan heads don’t just let go of what they think is theirs. You don’t just walk away clean, kid. They’ve got ways to drag her back if they want to. Dissolve the marriage, make up some bullshit reason. Hell, if it’s anything like I remember, they don’t even need a reason. They’ll just take her.”
His father continued, ignoring Megumi’s face contorting.
“You think her life before this was sunshine and rainbows?” Toji went on, his voice dropping lower, not eager for you to pick up their conversation. “If it was anything like the shit I saw growing up, they probably beat the defiance out of her a long time ago. I got out lucky, but not everyone does. You don’t survive in a clan like that by fighting back too much."
Toji reiterated—quite mercifully if he might add, "She’s not reporting because she wants to. She’s doing it because she has to.”
The silence stretched. Megumi’s mind replaying every moment he’d seen you quietly brushing off the clan’s calls, every forced smile, every dismissive excuse. His unrelenting white hot anger surfacing at the thought of you enduring that kind of life. What else did he not know? The questions, the veiled threats, your nervousness—all of it had been happening right in front of him. The disgusting thought of someone beating you into submission.
“Let me be real clear, kid—I don’t want you getting dragged into this clan bullshit. I’ve spent years keeping you out of it for a reason. I don’t like where this is headed, not one damn bit. But if you keep acting like this, keep pushing the way you are, they’re gonna notice. And when they do...”
The silence heavy and foreboding, as though Toji himself didn’t want to say it outright. But the implications were clear. What could they do? Snatch you back? Use you as leverage? Dangle you over their heads like bait in their endless games of power and control? Force Megumi into a spot he didn’t want to be in? He was still a kid after all.
Toji leaned in slightly, his voice cold and clipped. “They’ll use her. They’ll use you. And trust me, they won’t give a shit about what either of you wants. They’ll make it messy, and they won’t think twice about it. This isn’t some game you can play without consequences, Megumi.”
For once, there was no mockery in his tone, no smirk playing at his lips. He was dead serious, his warning obvious.
Consequences. What consequences would he endure for you? Megumi swallowed hard, his voice quieter now. “I can handle it.”
Toji’s gaze didn’t waver, his eyes narrowing, his presence heavy. He couldn’t change his mind, but Toji at least wanted him to know what he was signing himself up for. “You don’t have the luxury of playing the fool here, kid. If you’re serious about this—about her—then you better start thinking ahead. Because the way you are now? You’re weak. A burden at best. And weak doesn’t stand a chance against people like them.”
The words hit like a hammer, each syllable deliberate and cutting. It’s true.
“If this is the hill you wanna die on, then you better do something about it,” Toji fixed Megumi with a small glare of his own. Something Megumi surprisingly saw rarely. “You’re not gonna get anywhere sitting around, sulking like a brat. You want to step up? Fine. Do it. I don’t like it, but I’ll respect your decision. Just know what you’re getting yourself into. Do it for the right reason. And make sure you aren't dragging her behind you along the way.”
Once again bathed in silence, they stared at each other. Opposite ends of the spectrum yet so similar in so many ways.
With a shrug that seemed too casual for the tension he’d left behind, Toji retreated back to the kitchen, where your soft humming still drifting through the air. Oblivious to the fight that’d just take place. Fight? More like a warning. To Megumi, it sounded almost mocking now, a reminder of how close yet distant you were. That warmth you brought into their lives was there, just out of reach, and it only made the ache in his chest more unbearable.
Later that night, Megumi lay sprawled on his bed, his eyes fixed on the ceiling as his father’s taunting words played in his mind on an endless loop. Too weak. A burden. Danger. He grit his teeth, the weight of it settling like a stone in his chest.
Distance—that’s what he needed. He needed to put some space between you and him, for your sake.
But even as the thought crossed his mind, his chest clenched painfully. The idea of pulling away, of losing the comfort of your presence, felt like a knife twisting in his gut. He hated this feeling.
Hated how much he relied on his father for protection, how Toji’s words exposed every insecurity he fought to ignore.
What made it worse was the truth behind them. If your clan really was as dangerous as Toji claimed, if they were determined to drag you back—or worse—what could he do to stop them?
Right now, he was nothing but a danger to your safety. The way his thoughts spiraled whenever he was around you, the way his heart twisted and burned with feelings he didn’t fully understand—it made him reckless. Possessive. Clouded. He'd act on impulse, clinging to you like his life depended on it. His feelings still so jumbled, he tried to sort them out.
Why did his chest tighten every time you smiled at him?
Why did it matter so much when you called him family?
Why did he feel this gnawing need to keep you close, to make sure no one—not his father, not your clan, not anyone—could take you away?
Why were these feelings still present when he knew they weren’t dedicated to a mother?
It was raw and confusing, tangled in ways he couldn’t yet unravel.
But one thing burned through the haze of uncertainty: whatever this was, whatever you’d become to him, he couldn’t let it go.
He wouldn’t let it go.
You were the most important person in his life—that was for sure—and you were trapped in a situation he couldn’t fix. Yet.
For so long, he’d stayed on the outskirts of jujutsu society, avoiding the weighty politics of clan life despite his development of the Ten Shadows technique.
But now he had to face the question he’d been dodging:
What was he willing to do?
His jaw tightened, a spark of resolve cutting through the haze of doubt. He couldn’t let things stay like this. Couldn’t keep standing idly by while Toji spoke about you like you were just his possession—his wife. While his clan threw around your life like it meant nothing.
Megumi’s feelings for you ran deeper than even he wanted to admit.
You weren’t just his stepmother.
You weren’t just someone who cooked and cleaned and made his life softer in ways he hadn’t known he needed.
You were…something else.
Someone who mattered in a way he couldn’t put into words. Something beyond words.
And if he wanted to prove that—to protect you the way you deserved—he couldn’t afford to hesitate. He needed to change. To get stronger. To become someone capable of standing by your side, someone who could protect you without relying on his father. He needed to grow up.
And fast.
p.7
AN: Thank you for reading! This is my last one for today, i've gotta go to bed-- to be continued soon. please give a follow and reblog if you want to stay updated - or follow along on my ao3
#yandere#dead dove do not eat#manipulative#yandere smut#male yandere#megumi x yn#yandere megumi#megumi fushiguro#megumi x reader#jjk megumi#yandere male#possesive love#obsessive yandere#teen angst#angst#these are making me go crazy#part whatever#megumi realizes he's weak
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what do you mean your family can predict tragedies. huh what
It’s weird, honestly? I’m personally quite skeptical and wary of all that stuff myself these days but unfortunately my family is weird and I’ve predicted a death before and I know one of my Aunts gets strange warnings ahead of time, like she knew my Uncle had a serious blood clot and forced him to go to the doctor, and she once had this awful feeling something was about to happen and she had to call someone, so went through her whole phone and when she called her mum, it turns out her mum had fallen asleep at the wheel and the phone call woke her up.
The first one my cousin told me so not sure on that 100%, but the second one I remember her telling me a while ago.
It’s interesting because me and my aunt aren’t biologically related at all, and yet I think we’re the only ones in the family who’s had this sort of thing? Although, my two uncles who I am related too have a very intense sixth sense that I’ve also inherited.
Sixth sense is more of a natural thing though at least. I think some people just have more of one than others.
#asks#I KNOW THIS SOUNDS INSANE#but to me it’s just just like fun lore#I’m personally not a super spiritual person but I’ve had enough weird experiences where being skeptical is more of a bit for me#shoutout to my probably haunted house where all my family has seen weird shit !!
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27. is your muse more confident or shy when it comes to approaching someone they like? for nathryn
romance & relationship headcanons ; @darkdabbling .
in menzoberranzan, she's extremely confident! on the surface, however, nathbryn would rather die. she thinks this is insane, of course, but that doesn't really help her in getting over it.
she's a fish out of water. or a... spider out of water? a water spider. araquanid. an araquanid out of water. she will probably confess, but it's just as likely that she'll leave it forever - which she can also justify quite easily by pointing out to herself that romantic relationships will not actually get the tadpole removed faster. she is focused on the mission.
#i swear that's a pokemon#but yeah she can sense that they do not like her weird intensity#darkdabbling#well. alright. maybe some of them do.#but she feels they do not like her weird intensity#nathbryn ; answered.#nathbryn ; headcanon.
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i really do think the desire to paint ten as unambiguously The Worst™️ when it comes to his relationship with martha is out of this desire to uncomplicate their relationship. to decouple them as friends and people who profoundly impacted each other’s lives. it’s just an easier narrative to swallow: that ten was Awful to her and then martha kicked him to the curb when she realized she was too good for him. easier, maybe, then dealing with the troubles of unrequited affection don’t have to be anyone’s fault, or that ten shut martha out in a lot of ways but let her in in others that he wouldn’t let any other companion near, or that they were still friends, they still wanted to see each other and be around each other, even though it was messy and sometimes hurt. you know?
#sometimes the doctor is shitty. this is not news we know this. this is part of the package. its what makes their relationships with their#companions so interesting so important.#like. how do i put this. i see posts sometimes about how ten was ‘leading martha on’ implying that he was taking advantage of her feelings#to keep her around. and. okay. so. putting aside how that’s a weird thing to say about anyone period.#its also just. from my viewing experience. not true?#the doctor is just sort of Like That. he’s too intense he’s too quick to grasp for emotional intimacy he’s too messy.#but he’s not leading her on. he really is just Like That.#like i feel by getting caught up in the fact that martha is hurt by being compared to rose and is hurt by the fact that the doctor can’t or#won’t return her feelings. and like. yeah. of course that hurts.#but in being caught up in that. i think what im saying is that it feels like people sometimes forget that he’s. not required to do that.#like just because she has feelings for him doesn’t mean he needs to get over himself and return them or else he’s using her. that’s. that’s#not how relationships work. people can have romantic feelings and still be friends and not have anything come of it and that’s not a#terrible outcome. thats just how friendships are sometimes.#thats the core of it to me. they’re friends. the way people post about ten & martha sometimes i wonder if everyone’s forgotten that they#are friends. that they last parted as friends. that martha doesn’t hate him or secretely resent him for how he treated her.#like. she’s got complicated feelings about the whole thing. but they didn’t stop being friends.#i tell you what: if the doctor was in trouble and called for help. you could be damn certain that martha jones would be one of the first#people to answer. that’s what i know.#doctor who#the doctor#tenth doctor#martha jones
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2023 reads
The Deep Sky
scifi mystery thriller
on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere
when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course
the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources
flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother
questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth
#the deep sky#yume kitasei#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i really loved this!!!!!#very intense but also a lot of interesting character introspection#love the virtual reality AI aspect!!!! though I do feel like. in the end I was expecting it to go way further with it?#(basically like instead of seeing the inside of the ship all the time they can 'be' in forests or aquariums or whatever)#no romance#(there’s side lesbians; and one flashback scene where she briefly wonders about kissing a random person; that's it)#emotional core about her mother and brother and best friend !!#i like that it gets into the flaws of 'humanity's last hope on another planet' bc like. yeah in real life things....don't work like that...#why is there zero acknowledgement that the concept of every one of them being expected to give birth being extremely fucked up?#like obviously everyone on board is there because they agreed with that but there’s not a single flashback of#when they found out that information; or mention of someone questioning it...#(for example a character mentions that they hid their mental health/use of a therapy animal bc they wouldn't have been let in and the -#eugenics around that is iffy to say the least)#but to me. pregnancy is horrifying and nobody questioning that was weird.#also there’s supposedly 80 people on board but we get to know less than 10 of them which felt a bit strange at points#Also! I love the cover. I can’t find the designer (the book info only credits the internal lllustrator..)#also: bird facts!
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Hey did I ever tell y'all about the time I dreamed that I had a baby daughter called Ellie that began with my finding out I was pregnant and ended on like her third birthday?
I legitimately woke up thinking "I should go check on Ellie" and then realised she was never real and when I tell you I SOBBED. I've been haunted by an implacable sense of loss ever since. Did I travel to another dimension? Wtf happened because that was insane.
#I'm not even joking when I say it felt REAL#I have this baby doll (it was my mum's when she was a kid and I have it now) that sometimes I just hold and it makes me feel better???#Did I astral project into another life?????#Was it just a really fucking intense fever dream??????#For the record I was like fifteen I have never even done the do let alone had a pregnancy scare#But yeah my little Ellie#And she never fuckin existed#I woke up halfway through planning her birthday party like baking a cake or sm and I was thinking#“I'll give her the little green cardigan I knitted”#Woke up to a silent house and was like “she's never usually quiet this time in the morning”#Then realised what had happened and started CRYING#idk man it's insane#From a psychological point of view it's fascinating but I've tried and tried to analyse the dream and?????#I always come up with something different???? I can't pinpoint the actual cause and effect of the whole thing?????#Madness honestly#And it was just a normal day too nothing weird had happened it wasn't a coma and I wasn't knocked out it was just a Dream#A very very real one#For the record I don't think Ellie had a father#I think it was just an immaculate conception that nobody ever questioned#Might have been IVF now I think about it#That would make more sense#dream#weird dreams#Ig I should add a grief trigger warning???#tw grief#one time i dreamt#Very confused and it's been like two years so wtf yeah that was... Intense#The most dream of all time#Maybe I'm just fucking insane lol but yeah
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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living in the inbetween hell where I dont hate or love ttpd enough to agree with anyone on the dash so im just sort of flinching whenever I see a post about it from any side
#barry.txt#taylor swift#im not disappointed bc i didnt have the highest expectations for ttpd#but im also not wowed#a lot of the songs are fun and interesting but the writing on most of these tracks structurally is hanging by a thread#a lot of the rhyme schemes are bizarre and awkward#in my least favorite taylor style where it feels like shes barely stringing them together into these sort of purple prose poems#where she really just wants to fit in words she likes to the detriment of the lyric itself#a lot of jacks production feels unfinished and unimpactful esp compared to waht we know he can do#it feels like a lot of interesting songs that only got like one or two drafts before getting recorded#and it just doesnt hook me#however i do like the songs other ppl hate#and i love that she gave a massive middle finger to the fandom even if its 100% not going to stick#and i love florence and a lot of the second album#i like i hate it here even if its weird and bad#i dont think its her most honest vulnerable or human album but it is her vent-iest like shes just letting it all out#idk#i hope she wraps up eras ant the TVs and then takes a looooong break and does intensive therapy and gets into TTRPGs and chills#anyway the black dog and the manuscript and clara bow best tracks. my final message#probably not bc j have so much to say but
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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unfollowing one of my long time moots without any hesitation because they posted a big thing about why cheating is fine 👍
#If there's like. One boundary I have it's that#iykyk#I don't think she's lurking but if she is: Jade Perish Challenge#She's not the one that posted tht this time but y'know. If someone is talking about cheating I have to mention it#Like religious ppl doing a cross symbol when seeing something unfortunate#But for me it's like. I see someone talk about a cheating kink and I'm reminded 'you know who should be Voted Off The Island this week?'#Betrayal literally kills ppl okay I cannot fathom why you would cheat#when a large portion of people that commit do so bc they were cheated on.#IN MY EYES: Asking someone to cheat on their partner is the same as asking them to kys or k their partner.#Because that's what intense heartbreak and betrayal does to a mf.#something I should've communicated better before. I didn't explain to Jade why what she was demanding was so Abhorrent.#But tbf she should've known. 18 yr old me shouldn't need to explain that to a grown ass woman#For context a stalker kept telling me she would commit if I didn't cheat w her. But hurting my partner would make ME do that so#to me its like saying 'either you kys or I'll kms' which is. Such a weird ultimatum to give to someone?#Lady I detest you and you revolt me why would I chose your life over my own + my partners?? fucking weirdo.#Even if I was single ur a violent incel so ??? Ew No#All of my feelings towards Jade can be summarized with the Obama 'Then Perish'' meme#If u think I'm being cruel u should know she's with a self-confessed groomer and actively defends it#Do Not feel bad for that woman okay.#Tw suicide mention#tw sui vent#tw grooming
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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gitch creche is one of my favourite parts of the whole game but man i just want to be done with act 1 already 😭
#i love the tension during that quest line#the music that plays when you go to the inquisitor's chambers and he asks for the weapon gives me the shivers#not to mention when lae'zel tries to have her worm extracted by the weird doctor and almost dies#last time i failed so many of those skill checks omg it was so intense. i was so scared she was going to die#it's amazing but i just don't feel like doing it 😭#🎮 vilna plays games
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giving you a melty kiss, i dedicate my first death to you
@pixellyix's d&d character for her campaign ;u;
#its actually technically everyone in the campaigns character cause it was a joined effort to create her but idk who has a tumblr so#for simplicities sake. also sorry for @ing you. idk how you feel about that sort of thing ;u;#dooblenauts#d&d#dungeons and dungeons#idk what to tag#dnd: seas of mercury#friend art#also admittedly i had will stetsons cover on loop and not the original song 😔#but since the original song is in japanese i put the japanese lyrics. 'first death' looks weird sideways though but idk how to turn text#this also didnt come out as intense as i wanted to but. ya know. it still looks okay i think#context for this makes no sense but this was just for one person and she knows what it means and thats all that matters#im just postin art cause ive been watching them play d&d for like. a month. and have been drawing stuff for their d&d campaign. for a month#theres like. three other things i want to draw for her campaign and fanart i want to do and i also need to do commissions#im HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#in wills cover the lyrics are#'giving you a kiss as i melt in such a feeling / my first death is for you so you can cry for me'#which is still fitting
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#i've had a very intense thriller like dream last night; so it was like as if i was in a movie and wasn't directly in the plot#but observing from side but at the same time i was one of the ppl this is such a weird dream thing but w/e#so the plot was there's like a group of 8 people and idk how they were tied together but it was like battle royale kind of scenario#it was known that one of the men kllled 3 women out of the group and i was either the escaping one or it was a retelling of the story#to the point how she was caught or something and all i remember she was doing her best hiding but her safe place got spotted by someone#who was cleaning windows in those very high apartnent buildings?? or wait it was a manicure master idr#but the fact that they were in the window 💀#i wish i could remember more it was very interesting and i woke up with a strong feeling that movie actually existscmfmfm#sometimes the plot is so interesting i consider noting down but usually by that time i already forgot big chunks 🤦♀️🙈💀#tbd
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