#but my god. my goodness. i need it to be worth it in the end you know
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No, I don't think it would actually solve the problems I see in the world.
Sure, killing everyone with a net worth over x amount that is not 'paying each and every one of their employees the same amount they make' would make a difference. I don't believe it would solve the societal problems though.
It would certainly make for an algorithmic way to punish those who financially abuse others, but it can't be the only tool in my kit.
The trouble is that we need societal reform, and one woman with a god of death on her side is really just holding a different gun to different people's heads, which doesn't exactly encourage good behavioural changes.
It might be that in the end it has to be this way. I worry though that violence for 'good' still breeds violence.
"Just once" is still yes. "Only on [insert awful person here]" is still yes.
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Hii! I saw your fanfic on Shadow of Wrath with Beast Y/N Cookie! I absolutely loved it! You don't have to do this, but maybe you could do a part 2? You don't need to do it! 🩵🤍
God- I need to stop letting my sister borrow my laptop- one shadow of wrath continuation coming up, dear butterfly!
previous part
Shadow of wrath part 2 (Beast Y/N cookie)
Simple to say things have changed drastically since Y/N cookie finally snapped. The fight between them and the beasts was short and easy for them, as though they were fighting mere children. But they weren't gonna crumble now, oh no no no. What good would it do if the beasts just get off the hook with a mere death? That wouldn't do you any justice, especially considering they're the ones who ruined your life from the start. So you'll make sure to keep them, alive but not unharmed. Your kingdom was already being repaired in any case, and having seen your new form the cookies were now scared of you. Good. Then maybe they'll be able to do the job right.
You kept the beasts down in a dungeon and weakened their powers by a large amount. In fact it'd be a miracle if they still had any powers left at all, considering you took their soul jams. Not like they'd need it in any case. They'd never leave. Never taste freedom again. Never be able to inflict more pain onto you. Nobody would. Not anymore. They will never hurt you again. And you'd make sure of it. It didn't stop at just imprisoning them, that would be far too easy. A little torment here and there would be delightful. Mental torture was implemented depending on how you felt. It was only fair since you had mental scars from what they put you through.
Shadow Milk cookie was a bit bitter about it all. How did five of them lose to one of YOU?! It was bringing back the whole "getting sealed away" thing. And to think you had the nerve to make fun of him. How audacious. He could easily make you a puppet and crumble you if he wasn't chained to the wall and had his soul jam. Why do you have to be such a diva? Can't you take a simple joke? Hmph, well clearly whatever the joke was hadn't been funny enough to let you spare him. Every moment you were together was filled with mock care, only to switch up the next moment and become someone so cruel even he was worried. He didn't let it break his spirit though. He still believed that he'd get out one day.
"And when that day comes, you'll be nothing more than a little toy caught in the web of deceit."
"Funny you feel that way. Perhaps you truly are so deceitful that you go as far as to lie to yourself."
Mystic flour cookie did try to remain indifferent to you, but you knew more about her than she even realized. You feed into her fears, reminding her of her failure to fix everything. And despite how she's insistent that what happens will make no difference, you know what makes her tick. You go on and on about how her quest to return all to flour was just as stupid as she was, how in the end she inflicted the one thing she was trying to get rid of. Pain. You go into how her solution to the cookies pain was nothing more than a lazy excuse to get out of wish granting. Whilst she still shows no reaction, you can se it in her eyes. She's not as apathetic as she says she is.
"It is futile to believe I'll break to mere taunting, Y/N cookie. In the end we will be return to flour, so why even bother. The suffering will end eventually."
"You truly think that changes anything? How blind are you? Your 'apathy' is nothing more than a pathetic hoax to hide your fear. And I plan to exploit that."
Burning spice cookie was BEYOND infuriated with you. How AUDACIOUS are you to be ripping out his soul jam from his chest, then having EVEN MORE NERVE to taunt him about it?! He'll destroy you! He's faced countless powerful cookies in the past. You're no different! Just fight him! It'd be a good form of entertainment! Silly spice. He's truly not worth the energy. It's more torture when you're just standing there, playing with his soul jam so carelessly, and pretending to drop it. How dare you tease him like that. How dare you be so gentle with him. Where's that beastly fighting spirit you had when you defeated him?! Why were you being so insufferably gentle?! That's just it. That's just what makes him tick. You didn't even have to say anything.
"What is the meaning of this weakness?! Why are you so disgustingly tame?! WHERE'S YOUR INNER BEAST?!?!"
"Hm. I won't give you the pleasure of knowing, mere spice. You're a lot more enduring when you can't cause destruction."
Eternal Sugar cookie was broken pretty quick. Why were you so mean to her?! Why so rough and harsh? Were you really choosing mere cookies over her?! How could you. Why were you feeding into her insecurities so much? Why were you so cruel to her? What happened to that sparkle in your eyes that made her ecstatic? Why did it dull away? Simple. Because you learned to grow up and stop acting like some naive child. Sure, she was pretty, but that's to mask how utterly useless she truly was. Nobody loved her. Nobody could. She was nothing more than a foolish idiot who didn't deserve the right of being beside you.
"You don't mean that. You don't mean any of that!"
"Oh you sweet little fool. The only thing that means nothing is the useless sloth I stand before right now."
Silent salt cookie was resilient, you'll give him that. Never showing any signs of emotion with you, neither verbal nor physical. Nevertheless, you would find a way to get to him. His silent was his weapon, but who's to say you can't exploit that? Besides, what can he do? Say nothing, do nothing, he's nothing.
"..."
"Silent, yet again. Though I'm starting to wonder... Is it because you won't talk... or because you can't."
With the reconstruction of your kingdom and the beasts under your control, you could relax, if only momentarily. Knowing this place, word was gonna reach the other ancients eventually. And when it does, you ought to know how you'll deal with them.
#crk#cookie run kingdom#cr kingdom#cookie run#burning spice cookie#mystic flour cookie#shadow milk cookie#eternal sugar cookie#silent salt cookie
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i really hope way down the line we get a scene reminiscent of tonight’s episode with lisa and carla in the rovers, a little tipsy but not running-from-your-grief drunk, playing darts, sharing a packet of crisps (it’s lisa’s and she’s allowing carla to steal them) (carla’s not even trying to be subtle), singing off key when an ‘i love this song!’ banger comes on over the jukebox, terrorising the staff (ryan), laughing at how terrible their aim is, flirting outrageously i mean just obscenely, going home at the end of the night hand in hand to two cups of tea left steaming and forgotten on the coffee table because they found something better to do on the sofa.
#swarla#keeeeeeening#i’m genuinely so so so so here for the journey and the angst and the slowest of burns i really am#they deserve to have this done properly and realistically#but my god. my goodness. i need it to be worth it in the end you know#i need to see them living boring and happy lives until the next disaster
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WATER SEVEN BABYYYYY
Look at robin reacting when luffy says he wont give her up.... 🥺🥺
This is a joke right now but its actually a one piece tenet aldjsisjka
Usopp aksbaksjakqk the foreshadow is foreshadowing... Also Robin being happy with the crew after the Aokiji incident... Fuck!!!!
Sanji thinking robin just vanished or flew away and suddenly usopp is soaring thru the skies... imagine
AAAAARGGGGHHHH YOU CAN SEE THE GEARS TURNING
Zoro talking to merry..... only while he is alone of course
Why are nami and sanji matching ajdhakjsk look at the citrus sisters
Carpenter: maybe it was the government
Gov agent: I don't think so, also don't say that they are everywhere
LUFFY SUPPORTS WOMEN'S WRONGS!!!
Don't scream att chopper like that!!! Look at him... So small....
Imu tease???? (No) (Also I've changed websites again bc the translation is kinda off , I can't find a good quality b&w spanish translation and the colors scare me (i want the real manga experience))
GET HIM ICEBURG!!!!
I truly forgor if this is just a lie about her wanting to find the rio poneglyphs or genuine because she wants to die and will do it for them... because in skypiea she says she is not interested in the weapons so maybe if the gov pardons her but considering what she wants is illegal then idk abdjabjs this is such a dumb thing to forget... like thats important girl where did it go (reading this after remembering and it's kinda funny... i will make any sacrifice to kill myself (and keep you safe)... she goes HARD)
Little paulie and mozu and kiwi.... omg hello (the SBS says the twins wanted to be shipwrights too omg)
Franky's backstory is small but it does so much for me like it is so central to the themes... boats and people...
DID SOMEBODY ORDER MORE TRAGIC BROTHERS?
The fact that franky needs to learn this lesson to pass it on to robin.... do you understand how big this is.... also Tom does exactly as he says and takes responsibility for franky and what he has done... because he has done nothing wrong AND THAT'S HIS SON and he just punched spandam bc he wanta him to feel the pain franky feels... Tom is such a man..... proud of having built eater 7 up with the sea train.... goes out with a boom.... should we all kill ourselves....
I am crying again................... franky my god.... and the fucking frog!!! And of course franky can't stop Tom's hope for his island... of course he can't.... he hasnt learnt the lesson yet but this guy isn't over yet!! He has a life of being a pervert cyborg ahead!!! Iceburg following Tom's footsteps but franky not being able to do that bc of his guilt....
This is one of the coolest things chopper has done btw...
NAMII 😭😭😭
Robin damning the world for her crew when all she has ever done is damn her companions for her own sake.... how big is this...
I can't take this...... it's always nami in these positions... it happens AGAIN in Zou with Sanji... there is no way
The love letter gag is too good like damn that's so funny
AND IT'S NAMI GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN!!!! SHE LOVES ROBIN SO MUCH!!!!
#OOOH GRANDPA TEASE!!! he wanted to see luffy too?? omg and he owes garp a favor so he is going to kill him... alright then....#robin attacking FIRST and ZORO coming to her defense!!! CHEFS KISS!!! INCREDIBLE#my GOD!!! ROBIN WANTING TO LEAVE HER PAST BEHIND BC SHE TRULY HAS BEEN CHANGED BY THEM AAAAHHHH#this is so good... aokiji had to end crocodile and he still has a debt to someone (garp?) AND smoker told him stuff about luffy too#kokoro is such an mvp... be careful with the government agents she says.... hell yeah they should do that#the people in water 7 just giving advice to the pirates akdhaksjak sure go fix your boat but down there#robin laughing like ufufufu is so cute... also kalifa knowing everything bc she is literally a gov agent 💀 ICEBURG WAKE UP!!!#lucci pulling out the ship of theseus response akdhakaj conundrum solved everyone!!!#usopp is so heartbreaking already... beaten he goes to franky to get his money back knowing he will lose bc he wants to fix the merry... go#zoro cutting steel like its nothing... yeahhhhh also does luffy think the ship and usopp are like sanji and the baratie??#he wants to sacrifice himself for it but doesn't realize his life is the treasure and not the thing... luffy realizing this is not worth it#the fight was insane.... usopp feels useless and is enmeshed with the merry so he won't let it go and tells luffy does not care when he doe#so luffy gets mad at usopp for lying and not understanding what is going on and says he is not a carpenter (true but hurts) so he is nothin#god it is so bad... sanji breaking p the fight is so important AFTER zoro says to calm down and talk but they rile each other up...#THE DIALOGUE IS INSANE!!!! USOPP IN DENIAL AND LUFFY TAKES ALL OF HIS BAIT IT'S JUST SO AJDBAKSNSKN AND THE ONLY LIES ARE WHAT USOPP THINKS#ABOUT LUFFY!!!! BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND!! HE JUST FEELS!! HE SAW MERRY!! THE ONLY ONE!!!#luffy just laying on the hammock for hours... telling nami usopp wouldnt give up his life for an argument... then he only needs to fight...#is luffy fighting usopp just so he can de stress kind of??? like he is letting him get his punches in and then he will come back#once he thinks things through... like nami did... and what sanji ends up doing too... like just give him what he wants#luffy likes fighting friends even and this is the only fight he doesn't want.... the merry crying GOD!!!!#the impact dial... it hurts them both.... jesus.... luffy got two hits in but those were enough.... they are making nami cry SANJI KILL THE#everyone is crying but sanji and zoro akdjsks yeah luffy got him what he wanted... he can keep the ship but he can't beat him#and after all if strength is made by conviction luffy knows he is right and usopp is just in denial... so of course he would lose#franky reveal and Robin assassin reveal at the same time.... just remembered when usopp asked her specialty and robin said assassinations 😭#luffy nami adventures hell yeah.... and theres even more after the aqua laguna... LETSGOOOOO#goddamn you can see the thread of kuzan finding robin with the strawhats to then cp9 forcing her to act in water seven....#franky acting weird because he is worried about iceburg... i know it...#iceburg: its weird youre working for the government... but thats for the audience to worry about. not for me#pluton was built on water seven ✍️✍️✍️ also iceburg saying weapons are bad no matter who holds them... yeah franky would agree#reading one piece
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tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:
tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH
#heads up! here comes the director's commentary:#16 Carriages - now listen. i love texas hold 'em as much as the next daddy lessons supremacist#but holy shit. it doesn't hold so much as a candle to this track.#just unbelievably stunning. i'm begging you to give it another chance if you skipped over it the first time#Don't Forget Me - me and kayla and apryl all having ms rogers in this month's list... i think we might be better than everyone else actuall#End Of Beginning - good GOD we couldn't gatekeep djo any longer but it's worth it if only for all the bear tiktok edits.#and thus i have fallen for this track all over again. yes CHEF#Showtime - now if you've known me long enough you'll know i'm an absolute sucker for british indie rock bands#especially if their frontman looks like they might not make it through another winter#so you can imagine catfish has had an inexplicable hold on me. anyway their comeback single is actually pretty good#This Is The Life - fantastic tune. 2007 if you can believe it?#what a time to be alive and at the school disco and you're singing the songs and thinking this is the life and so on and so forth#Loving You Will Be The Death Of Me - tom odell can do no wrong in my eyes (ears?) anyway. lovely lovely new album#Never Need Me - been loving rachel for a while now and this single is brilliant. highly recommended.#plus the video features florence pugh and if that doesn't sweeten the deal then christ i don't know what will#Baby Now That I've Found You - i didn't even realise this was a cover of the foundations until hearing it again recently#because alison krauss just has an incredible way of making them her own and thus it's been on repeat.#Deeper Well - okay so now i'm seeing the country thread through this month's picks.#this is another lovely new one. hearing it on the radio and the fact that they have to censor “i used to wake and bake” is hilarious to me#shoutout kayla again because great minds..#Stay For Something - CMAT is phenomenal and if you haven't listened to her yet i can't recommend her entire discography enough.#she had her arsecrack out at the brits last night and well. i would die for her#(speaking of the brits. raye... i literally cried for her. go find the recording of her live at the royal albert hall.#-watch it twice and then come back and thank me)#artists-wise - most of these guys are consistently up there.#katie melua is a new feature this time because all my amy macdonald-ing put me back onto nine million bicycles.#used to get that one mixed up with 99 luftballoons but they're really very different. i'm a fool#so tl;dr: fantastic tunes. do listen#tag#receiptify
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I know the last miles are the longest....
I think I just really need to get railed in the worst way on a balcony somewhere in Florence. Then followed by taking my brain out sea and leaving it to air dry on a clothes line till it's all fresh again 👋🇮🇹🍷
#🤝#Working so hard to catch my set deadline upcoming October 1st (then 2 weeks of tying up the loose ends until mid-October + checking errors)#But I need to guard it doesn't start to adversely affect my mental health at this point. ugh#I'm just tired after this summer. Yet excited to finally work on actualy projects soon#But I feel I got to jump through so many hoops now: continually proving my worth + talents + skills. And I have yet to launch my career...#It'll be okay. I'm fierce. But god knows I need someone to fuck my brains out then hold me on their chest and tell me I'm good#I've come so far and there's no time for doubt now. But the insecurties whether I will succeed or not can be daunting and heavy still
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im so incredibly grateful that im back to painting and writing again. i was so overwhelmed by everything happening at the time that i stopped for literally 5 years straight pretty much. now all i want to be doing is write and paint
#tho i will say it was majorly prompted by the need to vent or i wld have kms#i was so insanely suicidal one night that it was either get this out of my body somehow or end up in the hospital el oh el.#then i just fell in love w it again. thank GOD. so it’s all good lmao#next step is to stop feeling like i have to procure smth perfect for it to be worth it. idk if we’ll overcome that one folks
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I have never, ever been more proud of myself for beating a game. This is the most satisfying feeling ever, I swear. This game was extremely hard for me, but I really can not wait to get right back in Krat! I love this game. Every single second of it was, and is, amazing (even if it brought my pulse past 120 bpm 🤣). 🖤
Now, I can properly start my new playthrough on my Steam save. 😏 But I'll play more casually, and only when the mood strikes - I need to get into Veilguard!
#Lies of P#Astrid plays Lies of P#''Rise of P'' has such a cool tone to it ngl#talk about foreshadowing with the Saintess Statue#oh my god this game is full of little spoilers for possible outcomes#I'm so glad I did this right#I'll need to go another round soon though... see what happens if I do stuff differently#but I think I'll have another ''good ending'' on my Steam save too#it was just sooooooo worth it#all the hours killed with this game#I love P 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#sigh#I'm so proud#and so happy#squeee
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SJHSJJAOJSKWOSKSSOSJS THE ENDING WITH ASCENDED ASTARION????????? I can't breathe I love him I adore his evil laughter at the end I adore him calling Tav his love I adore it- AND THE MOST POWERFUL COUPLE IN THE WORLD??? he said it????????? I fucking love them. And the way he talks about them having bloody future together- gods, I wish I could kiss him in the end but It'd completely destroy me
#OKAY BUT IMAGINE DARK URGE AND ASTARION EITHER RUILING BALDUR'S GATE TOGETHER (I chose travelling but anyways-)#oh I love that couple#and I loved seeing dark urge finally free from their father's will I always go bhaal's chosen route and don't mind it but this ending...#my opinion on ascended astarion really changes every second skjjsj BUT NOW I SAW THE ENDING#and I loved it#I fucking can't get enough of him and also the dialog before the fight?? where he said that they'd need to do secret tunnels underneath#the city-#I love him I swear I'd do anything for him#MY BOY OH GOD#he's sharing eternity with his lover!! they're travelling together or ruling together or doing both#GOD THEY HAVE THE ETERNITY TOGETHER AAHHHHHHH#this makes me so happy idk I just- yes yes yes!!#also the way he looks at tav in the ending scene..#I didn't expect to be this happy with the ending considering my mixed feelings during playthrough-#BUT I LOVE IT OH GOD#I just want to happily rant about it I'm so sorry#also I LOVE the new scenes they added in the ending!!! larian THANK YOU that was finally worth it!! now at least good ending feels great#bg3 spoilers#nonsims#delete later#olya's rambles
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair
Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!
#speculation nation#negative/#um. not hoping i have liver disease but the blood tests blatantly state that it's not working entirely right.#not like major enough to be an immediate health emergency. or else my doctor probably wouldve called me#rather than referring me to radiology.#im just hoping that it's something easy to treat. it really would be so nice for my problems to be fixed like that.#and im mentioning it in conjunction with the fatigue just bc it can cause fatigue. ya kno.#probably is a good thing i caught it this early whatever it is.#like maybe it's Not fibromyalgia. but the fact that i pursued diagnosis for fibromyalgia spurred the blood tests#which alerted my doctor to the abnormal liver enyzmes.#if i hadnt pursued diagnosis who knows how much longer this wouldve gone on like this...#so! im still not happy to be doing a Fucking ultrasound for my liver. but. if it means catching whatever this is early#then like. it'll be worth it. doubly so if it does end up fixing my fatigue problems.#or even just some of them. i dont even need to be at 100% of what others can do#i just wanna be able to do half an hour of chores without feeling like im going to collapse 😭😭😭😭#it's really very troublesome. my life would be so much easier if i had the energy to do more than one thing per day.#(and if i do more than one thing i end up nearly bedridden the rest of the day. like today lol.)#im just trying to look on the bright sides so i dont start freaking out again about my liver not working right.#ultimately. even if i dont feel amazing. i dont feel all that different from how ive lived the past decade of my life.#or at least the most recent years. i kind of feel like my chronic pain has gotten worse. maybe fatigue too.#though i do know ive been dealing with both for however long. idk. might be recency bias. who knows.#ANYWAYS. im not actively dying. so i'll live to my appointments. and then i will hope it's smooth sailing from there.#(oh god i hope i wont need surgery. i dont want surgery. please im trying to graduate college i do not want surgery)#(god why is my luck always so bad)
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i'm literally constantly thinking about sam reid's "when does he change? how does he change? how does his character develop? progressively, as the episodes were coming in, i was realizing that lestat wasn't changing at all. he keeps going back to his same patterns" comment btw. because it's true. a cornerstone to lestat's character this season is that he is utterly, painfully static. which is fascinating, because that ironically makes him one of the most stable, reliable characters in the show, in spite of outwardly acting as one of the most impulsive, volatile ones. it's also the cornerstone to what makes him such a tragic character.
because lestat is aware, to a certain extent, that there's something about himself that leads to him being abandoned. he's alluring enough to captivate, sure, but fundamentally deficit in some undefinable area that will grant him genuine, committed love. he has a way about him, but he's a lot. he's not perfect. and his own imperfections terrify him, because whatever it is, he's sure that it's at the core of himself, that it's something he can't change. and so he chases after love by throwing the worst of himself at it - because if he can find someone who sees his ugliness and loves him anyway, he'll finally have a love that he can keep. and once he finds that love, he devotes himself to it. it can not disappear again, it can't slip through his fingers. it's his, and he won't allow it to be taken from him.
and it works - for a time. preternaturally charming, occasionally thoughtful, he is so incredibly easy to fall in love with. and then something changes. and it has to be an outside force, because he hasn't done anything. he's stayed exactly the same, he's been that same person who louis fell in love with, he's committed to this love with all of himself. he is seen and he is loved and he is wanted, and he won't let anyone or anything take this acceptance away from him. so he clings, and he lashes out.
and it all, ultimately, leads back to abandonment. he's so busy keeping louis in his life, he's so busy making sure nothing changes, that he can never allow himself to grow. because change is rejection. change is the acknowledgement that he'll never be enough, that there really is some part of himself so unacceptable, he'll never be able to be loved in his entirety. and it's not until those last moments of the show, when he finally acknowledges claudia as a person unto herself, with a will and autonomy of her own - when he sees louis agonizing over what has to be done, that he begins to understand his own role in their lives. there's a sort of acceptance that he's pushed them too far, that maybe it's not outside forces, or their own inability to accept him, that's at fault for where they've ended up. that maybe he has some responsibility in how all of this played out. it's the first time in the entire show where we really see that lestat could potentially accept that he's not the victim of things beyond his control forever barring him from love, but that he has some responsibility in how others see him. which could, eventually, lead to change.
#every day EVERY DAY i think about louis and lestat and their respective issues#and how the things that initially drew them together are the same issues that inevitably pull them apart#self recognition through the other#but the self you're recognizing is one that's deeply unhappy#and fundamentally ill equipped to create a relationship that will do anything but hurt you and everyone around you in the future#like my loves i AM rooting for you but good god. you have a lot of work ahead of you.#and you're both so prone to denial when confronted with your own shortcomings that i fear we're going to need more than just one century#to get this figured out#it's okay though <3 take your time. the collateral damage will be worth it in the end. love you both.#iwtv
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Warning- this is a very petty post, but I think I'm entitled to at least one petty, pissed-off reaction every time I finish a classic novel that hit harder than I expected so take this as my quota for the year.
Also spoiler warning for a book that came out over a century ago but still, I didn't know the plot going in so don't want to ruin it for anyone else, if you haven't read it shut your eyes. (Also Local Tumblr User Going Wild Over Book Published a Hundred Years Ago That Everybody Else Already Read should probably be categorised as akey part of indigenous tumblr culture at this point).
Anyway I just finished the War of the Worlds and in between studying I've thinking about Themes and Motifs as you do, and idly looking for further analysis. I then accidentally ran into an article called 'A Quiet Place II Succeeds Where the War of the Worlds Failed' and:
Now I haven't seen any of the Quiet Place films, this is not a rant against them and of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But re: the ending of The War of the Worlds, I have to ask, did this guy somehow miss, uh, the entire point of the book or am I just utterly insane?
#You're right it's not very satisfying for humanity that the invaders are foiled by a bacteria and not human action! Maybe that's the point!#Maybe it's supposed to be FRIGHTENING and make you ask questions about what humans will do under extreme stress#Not be a morally uplifting tale about Humanity Heroically Defeating the Martians in a Glorious Hollywood Ending#Maybe it's MEANT to be unsatisfying because this is not a straightforward fairytale#I mean I've only read it once and don't know much about Wells' work so I might have misunderstood the point of the book too#But at places it is a very pessimistic view of the human condition and that's partly WHY IT'S SO POWERFUL#That doesn't mean there aren't moments of individual acts of heroism (the Thunderchild for example)#But the question is not just 'how will humanity beat the Martians and prove that we're still the masters of the universe'#Rather 'a) why is humanity so confident that it's ultimately in control of its own destiny#And b) here's lots of scenes of societal collapse and of people pushed to the brink and what would YOU do in those circumstances?#Would YOU feel remorse about silencing the curate even if it did lead to his death?#What if it rather than a foolish adult it had been a small child?#And even if they were weak did they DESERVE it? Yes it might have been necessary but should it be policy going forward?#Would you also be attracted briefly by the certainties that the artilleryman's (rather fascist) plan seems to offer so humanity survives?#But what sort of humanity would that be if it DID survive and is it worth it? The narrator feels he needs to justify the curate's death#The artilleryman would have probably never have thought it was anything OTHER than justifiable or indeed laudable#Under strain and stress would you start to turn against even your loved ones and become brutal?#Is that the only hope for human survival beyond complete surrender? And was the destruction of London maybe even 'cleansing'#In the eugenics sense or in the sense of a natural horror of dirt and germs?#And the vast exodus of six million people fleeing headlong in panic - we might not have seen that exact phenomenon#But didn't the twentieth century subsequently go on to show us unprecedented scale of slaughter and refugee movements and communal strife?#At the end of the day what really separates humanity from other animals? And what separates us from the Martians?#It's not an uncontroversial book- it was written over a hundred years ago for goodness sake and there are questions worth asking#about the way imperialism and arguments about eugenics and population control and all sorts of other dodgy areas operated on Wells' mind#But dear God I really don't think the problem with the book is that 'Humanity didn't save the day!'#Unsatisfying ending? Yes. A FAILURE? No not in my opinion- looks like it was exactly what Wells set out to do#Humanity didn't win the war of the worlds they had a narrow escape and though it might not be martians next time#Why wouldn't disaster return in the future? Sure we've studied their flying machines and even preserved a martian in a jar#But for all our science what have we ACTUALLY learned that will enable us to avert future human catastrophes? Ethically or socially?#Alright rant over- as usual my opinion is not universal nor necessarily well-informed this take just really got my goat
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Fucking hell I am going to have A WEEK
#my bff' bd is 29th and i wanna make them a cake myself which means i gotta find all the ingredients on our fucked up little mass market#and then not fuck up the recipe which alright i baked that thing before. ONCE. AND IT ALMOST WAS A DISASTER.#luckily my bff's sister is helping me with that and she's buying the easy to find products so that's nice and appreciated#and i won't have to grate like. seven large carrots all by myself. that would be unfortunate#<- girl who did EXACTLY that last year#i also need to get a boclx for the cake and i wanna decorate it so it isn't just. A Box#and then in the evening me and her sister will go to our mutual friend who's organising all this shit and all three of us are gonna#creepily show up at my bff's window at midnight before her birthday with this cake. we're taking a taxi THANK GOD i hated transporting#a cake through public transport to the other end of the city last time#and then we spend the night at my bff's apartment before going back to oir mutual friend's place spending all day there and potentially ALSO#staying the night and THEN! do you know what happens then? then i go take a PE exam at my uni :)#also before all that i gotta finish some things i have a deadline for at the end of the month. which im supposed to be doing now but#guess what#im typing this instead#because im a whiny bitch okay my social battery is going to be DEAD after this. and i mean completely fucking fried#good luck to me ig#it's all worth it cuz i love my bff#but god am i glad they don't have Tumblr because they aint supposed to know our asses are planning something >:)#cruci shitpost
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You read something and its like wow!!! This possibly can't get any worse!!!
And it's just progressively getting so much worse
#tashi bumbles#how to save a villain#hsav#hsav spoilers#spoilers#read these tags at your own risk#anyways#I ALMOST FINISHED IT I JUST NEED THE EXTRAS AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD WAS IT A ROLLERCOASTER#it was all like 'look!!! theyre so happy!!!!' while the author was behind them with a baseball bat full of angst#the amount of times i had to put my phone down because of this novel like whether it was angst or embarrassment#and god the last line#tHE LAST FUCKING LINE#MY HEEEEEART#god you dont even know how scared i was reading this!!!#like they would be happy and having a great time and then id see were not even close to being at the end#and you just *know* a thing will happen#AND THE MISCOMMUNICATION!!!! LIKE TALK!!!! PLS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TALK TO EACH OTHER#and well the did eventually but the mc and ml had me internally screaming in frustration the entire time#was a good read tho but like the tragedy tag is there for a reason like legitimately#had my heart broken several times reading this but twas worth it#the mc was so silly tho i love him (when he wasnt immersed in saddness and gloom)#idk theres a lot to this novel and the emotions it left me in but i cant articulate it properly
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they did not have to go this hard omg
#tye spoilers#they really said: let's have sad animation for the entire season but Kahaku can have amazing facial expressions for a second 😎#AND IS THAT NEW MUSIC I'M HEARING#IT GOES VERY HARD TOO#...i wonder if the 'i want it to end' is a poor translation on the subber's part?#i'm pretty sure i've got official subs here#but in both the weekly and volume release of the manga#he says something more along the lines of just wanting to rest/have some relief#now he just sounds suicidal (esp with his more extreme facial expression here. manga fushi just looked exhausted)#not that I don't absolutely adore a more suicidal aspect being given to a character#especially since his earlier tone of suicidality wasn't very well emphasized in the anime imo#also good fucking god the color grading on these gifs is atrocious#my internet is being weird so i had to use clipchamp and it shows :(#ALSO I NEED TO GO WATCH HAIRO'S BACKSTORY SCENE AGAIN#BECAUSE EVEN IN THE MANGA. I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD IF THAT WAS INDEED TASSETTE???#his entire backstory doesn't make a lick of sense but sjdhgfdjsjhdegydhdiye was that actually tassette???????#hmnbnmnbn there's three episodes left but i really think there's only 2 episodes worth of manga content#but i'm bad at estimating#like surely the next ep won't be ENDING with Bon's death right? and maybe they'd dedicate an ep to the aftermath of that#but then what.....#also i still can't tell if kahaku was lying. more just...panicked and making excuses up on the spot?#just a frantic 'it's not what it looks like i didn't mean it!!!' type vibe
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