#but maybe they’d surprise us and be mature for once?? i’m giving them the benefit of the doubt 😆

[erineverly]

♨

ˋ  🦋       ❛     𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐇  𝐎𝐅  𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐘  𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒     ❫       :       @thornrosed    !

         july  4th ,  1992  happens  to  be  one  of  these  days  when  the  summer ��heat  is  extremely  sweltering .  the  sun  has  no  mercy  on  the  delicate  rose  shrubs  and  peonies  planted  in  axl  and  erin’s  precious ,  meticulously  tended  to  garden ,  as  it  continues  to  rain  down  on  them ,  burning  their  tender  petals  and  making  water  evaporate  from  the  soil  faster  than  usual .  in  the  distance ,  the  pacific  ocean  shimmers  like  a  desert  mirage .  the  temperature  refuses  to  drop  even  as  the  clock  hung  on  the  kitchen  wall  inside  the  beautiful  malibu  house  strikes  four  in  the  evening .  luckily ,  not  even  the  muggy  heat  and  dry  air  combined  have  enough  power  to  ruin  the  magic  of  the  celebrations  planned  for  today .  

         two  long  tables ,  spread  with  red - and - white  checkered  cloths ,  have  been  set  up  in  the  backyard  and  are  already  brimming  with  food  —  fried  chicken ,  hot  dogs ,  potato  salad ,  baked  beans ,  corn  on  the  cob ,  collard  greens  and  candied  yams .  the  scent  of  grilling  meat  and  smoke  wafts  through  the  air ,  the  barbecue  sizzling ,  a  group  of  men  gathered  around  it .  everyone’s  here ,  all  of  their  friends  and  neighbors ,  as  well  as  their  children .  sebastian  and  his  wife  maria  with  their  son (  who ,  despite  being  only  four ,  is  already  little  red’s  best  friend ) ,  duff  with  linda ,  gliby  and  daniella ,  erin’s  brother  edan  and  even  axl’s  sister .  some  are  stuffing  their  mouths  with  delicious ,  homemade  treats  and  chatting  in  small  clusters ,  others  are  hanging  by  the  pool ,  where  one  of  the  coolers  sits  open ,  bottles  of  beer  and  cans  of  soda  nestled  in  between  piles  of  ice  cubes .  the  little  ones  are  either  playing  on  bastian’s  brand  new  playground  set ,  clinging  to  their  mothers’  summer  dresses  or  devouring  popsicles  until  their  tongues  are  blue  and  their  bellies  feel  a  bit  queasy .

         as  erin  steps  out  of  the  house ,  a  tray  of  glasses  filled  with  sweet  tea  and  lemonade  in  her  hands ,  balmy  breeze  lifting  dark  ringlets  off  of  her  rosy  cheeks  and  blowing  them  around  her  angelic  face ,  her  sky - blue  eyes  begin  to  instinctively  scan  the  yard  in  search  of  her  husband  and  their  son .  ten  minutes  ago  the  tiny  redhead was  munching  on  chicken  tenders ,  sitting  comfortably  on  his  godmother’s  lap  and  giving  every  female  around  a  serious  case  of baby  fever with  his  cuteness .  however ,  suddenly ,  he’s  nowhere  to  be  found .  erin  has  always  been  extremely  protective  of  the  people  she  loves  but  ever  since  becoming  a  mother ,  her  fear  of  losing  one  of  her  two  boys  has  grown  impossibly  stronger .  she  easily  locates  her  husband ,  his  fiery  strands  standing  out ,  and  makes  her  way  across  the  patio ,  to  the  spot  beside  the  grill  where  he  and  his  friends  are  having  a  heated  albeit  clearly  fun  and  friendly  discussion .  ❛  hey ,  does  anyone  feel  like  coolin’  off  a  bit ?  i  wouldn’t  want  any  of  our  barbecue  experts  to  faint ,  ❜  she  jokingly  chirps ,  good - natured  humor  radiating  from  both  her  bright  eyes  and  her  dazzling ,  pearly  white  smile .  she  likes  to  think  of  herself  as  of a  good  host ,  someone  who  makes  sure  that  all  of  her  guests  are  having  a  great  time ,  their  bellies  full  and  cheeks  sore  from  grinning .  her  gaze  flickers  to  the  tray ,  hoping  they’ll  get  the  hint  and  try  her  famous  homemade  sweet  tea  or  lemonade .  ❛  have  you  guys  seen  bastian ?  i  can’t  find  him  anywhere  and  i  should  probably  put  more  sunscreen  on  him  before  he  turns  into  elmo .  ❜  their  son  is  not  even  two  years  old  yet  but  he’s  already  so  full  of  energy ,  running  everywhere ,  always  chasing  things ,  that  erin  worries  one  day  they  won’t  be  able  to  keep  up  with  their  adorable  boy .  a  few  jokes  is  all  it  takes  to  briefly  distract  her  from  her  task .  switch  off  her  vigilance .

         with  their  eyes  focused  on  each  other  and  laughter  erupting  from  their  mouths ,  no  one  notices  that little  red is  toddling  toward  the  sizzling  barbecue .  being  as  curious  and  smart  as  he  is ,  it  doesn’t  take  him  long  to  figure  out  where  all  these  delicious  chicken  tenders  are  coming  from .  he’s  not  tall  enough  to  actually  see  it  but  he  knows  that  his  favorite  food  is  laying  on  the  scary - looking  piece  of  iron .  his  dad  and  mom  seem  to  be  having  a  great  time  and  his  faint  ❛  mama  ❜  followed  by  ❛  dada  ❜  goes  unnoticed .  his  belly  is  grumbling  again  but  he  doesn’t  want  to  wait  for  someone  to  notice  him ,  he  doesn’t  want  to  interrupt  his  parents  and  his  uncles  so  he  reaches  one  of  his  tiny  hands  out .  he’s  a  big  boy ,  after  all  —  that’s  what  everyone  says  when  they  see  him .  he’s  taken  that  one  to  heart .  straining ,  struggling  to  grab  a  piece  of  meat .  he’s  not  the  one  to  give  up  easily ,  just  as  determined  and  stubborn  as  his  father .  unfortunately ,  the  second  time  he  tries  to  snatch  some  grilled  chicken ,  the  tips  of  his  fingers  manage  to  instead  wrap  around  the  scalding  hot  burner  tubes .  it  takes  less  than  a  second  for  his  screams  to  pierce  the  air .  the  tray  falling  from  erin’s  hands .

[robininthelabyrinth]

Initiative pt 2 - ao3 or tumblr pt 1

It was just typical of his brother, Nie Huaisang thought. He finally, finally, finally found a girl that might suit him, agreed to marry her, and then he spent all his time worrying about…saber.

Typical.

Nie Huaisang volunteered himself to act as the family representative in negotiations with the Jiang sect, seeing as his brother would undoubtedly get them fleeced if he were trying to do it himself – “Try not to be too mercenary, Huaisang. We are the ones in the stronger position, through no fault of theirs.” –  and with one thing or another he arrived at the Lotus Pier less than a week after Jiang Yanli did.

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian seemed rather surprised to see him.

“I haven’t had a moment to tell them,” Jiang Yanli said, pressing her head to her forehead and looking a little tired. “They’d just completed the memorial hall, when I arrived.”

“And it’s been nothing but keeping them from fighting ever since?” Nie Huaisang said, not without some sympathy.

Only some, though. If Jiang Yanli couldn’t handle Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, even the grieved and tragic versions of them, what was she going to do the first time his brother went into a rage?

Maybe he was being too cold-blooded. After all, they’d been her parents, too.

“Your arrival is a good thing,” she said, narrowing her eyes a little in satisfaction. “Now they have no excuse to run away from me.”

Nie Huaisang couldn’t help but smile a little at that.

She summoned a few sect disciples, divided them neatly into two groups – one larger than the other – and instructed them to go bring her two recalcitrant brothers to the main hall. “You may use force,” she informed the larger group. “I would advise you that A-Xian is especially weak to tickling around his ribs, and don’t let him scare you off with that Yiling Patriarch stuff. And as for the group going to get A-Cheng – may I suggest looking especially pathetic when you convey the message that his sister, who he left alone for almost the entire war, would really like to see him if he has a moment to spare for her?”

Nie Huaisang’s smile broadened. “Tears,” he added solemnly. “Tears are very good. He hates tears.”

“Just so. Thank you all.”

“My brother is already planning out your saber,” he told her once the disciples had left, and she brightened visibly. “If there’s anything you want to contribute in terms of design, now’s the time – I brought mine in case you want to have a look later on.”

Aituan was in his luggage. Somewhere. His brother had refused to let him leave the Unclean Realm before he’d produced proof of saber, and he hadn’t unpacked since then, so surely it was somewhere.

“I’m sure whatever your brother comes up with will be fine,” she said. “I don’t know anything about weapons.”

A brief hesitation.

“Although, perhaps not – so large…?”

Nie Huaisang decided to be daring. He opened his fan in front of his face and looked at her over it, allowing his eyes to curve up in a smile. “Don’t worry about that – though if all goes well, you’re going to have to accustom yourself to dealing with a large saber at some point in the process.”

She burst out laughing, which was good.

“Nie Huaisang!” Oh, look, Jiang Cheng was here. “What are you saying to my sister? You’d better not be harassing her!”

“What would you do if I was?” Nie Huaisang wondered. “I mean, I’m not, I don’t think, but –”

“Just don’t.”

“A-Cheng,” Jiang Yanli said. “Be polite. Where’s A-Xian? I have something to tell you both.”

Wei Wuxian came in a few moments later, grumbling and rubbing his ribs but brightening when he saw them all gathered up there, and he slid into place by Jiang Cheng’s side easy as anything even if they did sort of stare awkwardly with quasi-glares, quasi-grimaces at each other first.

And then Jiang Yanli told them why Nie Huaisang was there, and all awkwardness fell away at once so that they could unite in glaring at Nie Huaisang.

“Why are you looking at me for?” he asked. “I’m not the one marrying her, that’s my brother.”

“If you had anything to do with this –” Wei Wuxian started, doing his whole looming-with-the-subtonal-wailing-of-dark-forces Yiling Patriarch thing, but ticklish around the ribs and a summer of nonsense didn’t really do much to encourage fear in Nie Huaisang, who’d never had as much common sense as a regular person ought.

“Oh, no, I objected to it,” Nie Huaisang said breezily. “Your sister doesn’t deserve my brother.”

And that, of course, got them both up in arms even more.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What’s wrong with my sister?” Jiang Cheng shouted, and Wei Wuxian’s aura-of-darkness got even more out of hand as he crossed his arms and glared death. “She’d be a great bride for anyone! Give me one reason –”

“I’m glad to have your support, didi,” Jiang Yanli said, calmly ladling out the soup she’d promised Nie Huaisang as if they were sitting in the midst of a nice breeze instead of a hurricane, and okay, fine, maybe his brother had a point about the importance of things like backbone and patience. “Don’t worry so much. If Nie-er-gongzi is here as his brother’s representative, that must mean he’s accepted the match.”

Or that he was here to sabotage it, but he appreciated her good faith interpretation.

“Please, just Huaisang is fine,” he said, smiling at her. “You’ll be my sister-in-law soon enough, won’t you?”

“We haven’t agreed yet!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed.

“Oh, like your opinion matters,” Nie Huaisang said, rolling his eyes. “You know how many people have put good money down on you leaving the Jiang sect in the next three-to-six months?”

That got all of them looking like they’d just been unexpectedly stabbed in the chest, Jiang Yanli included.

“What?” he asked, batting his eyelashes innocently at them. “Did I say something wrong? Everyone knows you aren’t doing anything for the Jiang sect anymore, Wei-xiong. All the rumors says so, and the only reason for that is if you were planning on ditching now that you don’t need them anymore.”

“That’s enough,” Jiang Yanli said, and there was a bit of steel in her voice. “A-Xian isn’t leaving, and even if he was, his opinion on my marriage would still matter to me.”

“That’s one of the reasons I objected,” Nie Huaisang said to her, deciding that she was clearly the only one mature enough to have this extremely necessary discussion with. “Meaning no offense, but in every possible respect, you’re a bad match. If you marry my brother, will you be expecting him to run around defending everything the Yiling Patriarch does whenever he’s in the mood to thumb his nose at the cultivation world? Or paying for the Lotus Pier’s reconstruction costs, even though Jiang-xiong hasn’t made a single overture to our Nie sect in terms of reestablishing trade routes or even just swapping craftsmen for mutual benefit?”

Both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were positively black in the face.

“Of course, even if you weren’t going to anchor him down with even more political obligations, there’s your personal value,” Nie Huaisang continued, tapping his finger against his cheek. “Word has it that you’re weak and sickly. Who’s to say that you won’t die along with the first child you bear –”

“How dare you talk about my shijie like that!” Wei Wuxian shouted, slamming his hand down on the table, while Jiang Cheng’s Zidian crackled lightning like an overactive firework. “How dare you –”

“And do you still support the marriage, even with all of these disadvantages?” Jiang Yanli asked, holding up her hands to hold her brothers back. Her eyes were a bit wet, but she was otherwise unperturbed, at least on the surface.

“I do, actually,” Nie Huaisang said, pleased. Even if she went to go cry later, which he didn’t think she would, she’d done well enough to pass his personal test of what constituted backbone. “My brother doesn’t care about politics, we have plenty of money, and there’s doctors for the rest of it. If you’re really willing to put in the effort, I’d be happy to call you my sister-in-law.”

Jiang Cheng was hissing like a pot of water on the boil. Wei Wuxian was grinding his teeth.

“I appreciate that,” Jiang Yanli said, disregarding them entirely. “I can promise you that I’ll do my best.”

“Good, good,” Nie Huaisang said, and grinned at her. “There’s only enough room for one useless flower vase in the Nie household, and the position is taken. By me, if that’s not clear. I brought my brother’s eight characters – do you have yours at hand? We can calculate the auspicious date immediately.”

“I still haven’t agreed!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed, and Jiang Yanli reached out to touch his arm lightly. “I haven’t! Jiejie, you don’t have to marry anyone you don’t want to, no matter what good things you think it’d bring to the sect, okay? You should marry for love!”

“Jiang Cheng’s right, shijie,” Wei Wuxian said at once. “You should get anyone you like. Even if you still want that stupid Jin sect peacock, we’d find a way to get him for you.”

Nie Huaisang looked at Jiang Yanli carefully at that one. It was even odds if his brother minded her having some vestigial affections, especially in the beginning, but he himself wouldn’t be having any of that – least of all with a Jin, no matter how much better Jin Zixuan seemed to be than his father.

His brother deserved someone who would put him first, this time.

“No, thank you,” she said without the slightest hesitation, and Nie Huaisang nodded in approval. “Young Master Jin has made his opinion about me clear enough, and not just once. I’m not going to run after him like I think that’s all I’m good for. And anyway, Chifeng-zun is a good man, who you both greatly admire – why can’t I marry him?”

“You can marry anyone you want,” Jiang Cheng said at once.

“And I want to marry him,” she said, and smiled. “At first, yes, it was primarily because he seemed to offer the most advantages for our sect, but…I don’t know. He’s very nice.”

Nie Huaisang mouthed the word ‘nice’ to himself, rolling it around in his mouth like a fine wine. It might be the first time anyone had ever described his brother that way.

“I think I would be happy being married to him,” she concluded. “Even very happy. Will you approve?”

They folded like a stack of cards.

“Oh, I like you,” Nie Huaisang told her, finally but now wholly delighted. “It’ll be good for my brother.”

And it’ll be interesting to see how the Jin sect takes it, he thought with a smirk half-hidden behind his fan. Since you bring the power and influence of whole Jiang sect with you, and the Yiling Patriarch too.

He wouldn’t mention that, of course.

Only an idiot would negotiate against themselves.

[lovesanmotion]

Still Here - Wooyoung

Summary: But why did you have to go? 

A/N: Hello! This is an advance gift fic from me to reaching 400 followers! And yes, this is the mystery fic I was talking about and at the same time the discussion I had with you a few weeks ago. The gif is also not mine, credits goes out to the rightful owner. 

Two years after success found the boy group, ATEEZ, KQ decided to debut a girl group for a change. Originally, they wanted the girl group to debut in Seven Seasons - a subsidiary company of KQ - debut a seven member girl group called 7S or short for Seven Seasons. However, the plans fell apart and the casting and recruiting was given to KQ, what kept intact was to debut a seven member girl group, but with a different name. 

KQ decided to name this girl group as Girls’ Paradise. It was an ambitious project brought to you by KQ, having used half a million just to bring in seven individuals into the company and laying down each girl a million won to train. The company’s best trainee? You. 

You were a breath of fresh air to the company, a trainee they have never seen before. When the choreographers teach you all of you the basics of dance steps, you were quick to pick all of it up. The vocal and rap trainers were impressed at how clear your vocals and good your pronounciations are. Quick to master the english language, be able to compose lyrics overnight and quick to adapt to the hectic schedule given by the company. The company started to call you “the female hongjoong”. But you brushed that nickname of, saying that they are just too humble to give you that nickname. 

You were excited to hear the news that Girls’ Paradise is finally set to debut. What shocked you more was that it was your senior idols ATEEZ Hongjoong and Mingi who majority produced the songs for your mini album. Hearing this news, you couldn’t help but thank them everytime you get the chance to meet them inside the company building. And on one particular day, Hongjoong and Mingi invited you to go on a dinner with them. Ecstatic to get close to your senior idols, you agreed. What you didn’t expect is to meet the whole members of ATEEZ at a restaurant their road manager pulled up at. 

You were so shy to join in dinner with eight males in a private room at the second floor of the restaurant, but the boys made you feel welcome. It was safe to say that you had gotten close with Seonghwa, San and Mingi. What the fans were saying were true, Seonghwa is very motherfly and San and Mingi were childish yet mature. Jongho cracked a few jokes with you that helped you open to him, and it did. And beside you, Wooyoung has this look on your face that you couldn’t explain. But that was only the beginning. 

You began to see Wooyoung around more often unlike before. If you say its because you both are from the same company, it doesn’t guarantee that you would always run into each other. You tried to brush it off at first, but then the unthinkable happened. Tensions arose between the two one night in the practice room, and from that night on, it continued to happen. 

"Ms Y/N is ready for her makeup” You smiled upon hearing that voice, you opened your eyes and found Wooyoung standing behind you in the changing room. He picked up the hairbrush and gently brushed your hair gently. 

“Relationship aside, you look pretty without make up on” He smiles at you through the mirror, you felt your inside tingling, Woo made sure not to brush your hair too hard. 

“And I like your hair longer. It suits you.” You smiled, turning your head up to smile at him. Placing a hand under your chin before he leans down to capture your lips with his. Pushing his tongue inside your mouth while his other hand gripped on your waist. Tasting the wine being offered at the awards show from his mouth, a cold hand wrapping around your neck, shivering at the contact. As you two slightly pull away, eyes looking at each other intensely. There is a long pause, hearts pounding inside your chests were the only sounds visible to hear. 

“My stylist doesn’t come back in fifteen minutes, if you’re wondering.” Biting your lower lip flirtatiously before standing up and teasingly removing the white robe around you. Wooyoung’s eyes darted around your body that he loves. The sight of your pink panties already has his cock erected, wanting to come out of his pants. 

A smirk paints his lips he removes the robe and hoists you up the table, back leaning the vanity mirror. Brushing your hair back before he attaches his lips once more with yours, a hand holding the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while his other free hand wanders on your leg, hoisting it up and wrapping it around his waist. 

That’s what you and Wooyoung are - nothing more than just friends with benefits. And it seemed that it was the best relationship for the two of you, neither wanting to be committed with someone and only to be wallet and emotionally drained after a few months or a few years. Apart from that, you both love performing on stage, no other person holding you back from what you both love doing. 

The invigorating hands that touches between your legs sends a twinge of pleasure through you as he traces a hand over the fabric of your underwear. “Look at you, so beautiful and addicting” he whispers, taking in your view with his eyes. 

“But you’ve always been beautiful - covered or bared” with that, Wooyoung attaches his lips on the crook of your neck that sends out a soft moan from your lips, his hand slipping inside the fabric of your underwear to palm your dampened pussy. You quickly arched your back and rubbed his erected clothed cock with your free hand, the harder you rub your hand through his clothed cock, the faster his lips slide up and down your neck. His lips were then fastened at the nape of your neck, not letting go as he gave a gentle bite on your neck, sending chills all over your body. 

“We have to be quick, Y/N” he pauses “and I think you’re ready for me” he unbuckles his pants along with his boxers down, letting them slide down to his ankles and before grabbing your legs, teasingly poking the tip of his cock to your tight entrance. 

“Stop teasing” you whined, slightly swinging your legs to which Wooyoung laughs softly, amused by your reaction. 

“Even if your stylist walks in on us, do you think I would stop fucking you here? Not a chance. Let’s get caught in the act together” and with that, he plunges his cock inside your entrance. No matter how many times you and Woo have done it, it still surprises you how seeing him alone is already enough to make you this wet for him. 

Wooyoung begins to pump fast and furiously, making his cock very happy to be inside you again and your pussy wanting to melt. Gently caressing your outer thighs and up to your hips, hearing his low moans in your ear, 

“Faster...please...” you begged. Woo increased his pace, feeling his dick move and harden inside you had you a moaning mess. Your pussy pulsating and contracting all around his throbbing cock when all of a sudden, the door slightly opens and suddenly closes down, but the two of you were lost in the moment of pleasure. 

“I’m gonna cum...” you mewled. Wooyoung bit down on your shoulder and you came over and over, rocking his hips against his. 

“Fuck I’m gonna cum” Wooyoung said, sweat beading his brow. He gritted his teeth as he slammed into you hard. 

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!” you shrieked as hot cum shots all over your pussy walls. Wooyoung came inside you, filling your pussy with his cum. As the two of you catched your breaths, the room smelling of sex and rose water. 

“I love you” you confessed out of nowhere. You knew it was risky saying those three words to him, knowing too well what you two just are. But you were hoping that, despite this kind of relationship, he would, at least, just feel a small percentage of love for you. 

“Y/N....you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Wooyoung said as he slowly pulls away from the hug. You suddenly felt a wash of shame run over you. Maybe it was best that you didn’t confess. You thought he would at least feel something for you, but apparently not. 

Weeks turned into months, you and Wooyoung have not spoken or seen each other. It was awkward. Whenever you knew ATEEZ was in the building, you’d skip entering the company building and call in sick instead. Promising your managers and members that you would double your efforts in practising the following day. But there were days wherein you couldn’t help but cross paths together. For example, music show promotions. Whenever Girls’ Paradise is standing besides ATEEZ, you would always stand farthest, just to be able to be away from him. You hated seeing and mentioning his name. It tasted sour now in your mouth. 

“Congratulations! The company has confirmed sixteen cities for your first European tour! After the European tour, you will be given a few days off before going to your North American tour which the company has also confirmed eight cities!” 

The news of the tour sounded pleasing in your ears. You were happy to see the growth of your girl group right before your eyes. You couldn’t wait to leave the country next week. 

Wooyoung hated to admit it, but he was scared of falling in love. He didn’t know if it was also right to say “i love you too” to someone whom he harbored feelings for but was scared to admit of falling. He hated it how he felt like he was at fault. But he was determined to talk to you. 

He was about to march into the dance room you and your group often used to practice, but he was met with an empty and clean room. 

“Uh....what are you doing?” Hongjoong asks, eyeing Wooyoung while he held a cup of coffee he picked up from the 7/11 downstairs. 

“Are they not here?” He asks, tilting his head before slowly closing the door. 

“Oh you didn’t heard?” Hongjoong sighs before taking a sip on his hot americano. “They’re on a tour and they’d be home two months from now.” Hongjoong takes another sip before entering the other dance room that ATEEZ often occupies, leaving Wooyoung standing alone outside. 

[crqstalite]

19. — fireworks for kodelyn and kallan? i'm intrigued by them :0

Fireworks

-

Shepard,

I was informed there was to be a light show somewhere on the strip later tonight. Lt. Vega compared them to something called fireworks. I am unsure of what that means but curious. If you’re free, I would enjoy the chance to watch them with you.

- Kallan

----

Kodelyn initially hesitated over the request, reading over it for any hints towards non-benevolent intentions. A light show on the Citadel seemed innocent enough, something friends would do. She hadn’t seen them in some time.

Yet this was an assassin that asked her to see it with her. Yes, she had plenty of friends who were, by definition, mercenaries and assassins like her. Every single one of them had used their respective guns more than once. 

Except Kallan Gautheir was in a league of her own, and not by her own doing. Not a few days ago, this was the same woman that had attempted to kill her. The same woman who wore her face with contempt. The same woman that tried to steal her life right out from under her.

Understandably, Kodelyn’s a bit suspicious. Light shows with your own clone didn’t come with a manual. Or an explanation.

In the moment, it had seemed like the right decision. To grab her hand and pull. To tell her she had more of a purpose than to be...well, her.

It felt like staring at a mirror in that split second Kodelyn had leapt forward and wrapped her fingers around her wrist. As if she were talking to herself, trying to talk her down from squirming out of her grip. To a point, she thinks she was. Projecting, that was. Kodelyn had surprised herself. She was angry. Furious. Brooks, Cerberus, to an extent even the Illusive Man had convinced this woman she was good for nothing but what they’d set her out to do. Convinced her she could never be her own person, follow her own passions. Her entire personality was wrapped up in becoming something she wasn’t.

Or something she was, technically. Kodelyn has to remind herself sometimes that she is really a complete copy of herself. As far as any DNA scanner was concerned, she was Shepard. Well, they both were. Kodelyn was the real one. The alpha prototype, as it seemed. She knew that. The average passerby did not.

Saving her seemed like the right thing to do. The only thing to do.

Those dark, but somehow bright mahogany eyes had widened upon realizing Kodelyn didn’t intend to kill her outright. Surprise painted her entire expression when she was offered to live what life the Reaper’s invasion would allow her. Speechless, when Kodelyn had told her she was free. As if she’d been speaking in tongues or another language, completely spaced out just on that idea alone.

Had she ever been offered a choice like that before? Something says she hadn’t. Something says her short life had been nothing but being told what to do without even a second thought. Kodelyn wants to rectify it, even if she’s fumbling trying to figure out how.

But at the same time, and a little more selfishly, she doesn’t think she could’ve sat back and watched herself die. Watched herself fall to her death among the Citadel wards. That may have haunted her for much longer than she could’ve handled.

Lately Kallan had been staying in the apartment, shut up in the room she’d claimed for herself, closest to the door. Kodelyn had expected her to want to explore, but she’d made herself scarce. When she wasn’t doing that, she was occasionally giving heart attacks to the crewmates that came over to visit. It was a little amusing. EDI was currently the only one successful at knowing which was which upon first glance (which Joker claimed was cheating, rightfully so with her biometric scans), but Kallan had managed to confuse the rest of them. Kodelyn couldn’t help but laugh when James had come over, and Kallan had come out of her room to grab something from the kitchen. All in good, unintentional fun for those on the Cerberus SR-2 crew as they got to know the not-her.

But short of that, Kallan had never made a request to go out somewhere with her. She’d been silently observing, quietly answering questions when prodded. Sitting at the kitchen counter in the mornings with her nose in her omni-tool, or staring out the big picture window in the living room. But the last day or so, she’d been showing some sort of fledgling personality. Curiosity about things outside of the Reapers, mostly a fascination with EDI, but also an academic one of the biotics on the crew. She’d gone out with Miranda earlier in the day, presumably so that Miranda could compile more data on her, but she’d seemed pleased when she returned.

Kodelyn can’t read her. Maybe that speaks more volumes about her herself than it does about her clone.

Placing the datapad back down on her nightstand, she slips a sweatshirt on and pads downstairs. Would it hurt to grant her request? Probably not. Kallan would know better not to start anything, especially in the middle of a gathering. It could be worth giving her the benefit of the doubt, after all, until the party all they have is time. Maybe Kodelyn just wants to sate her curiosity about her as well.

Kallan herself is watching one of the vidscreens with great curiosity, her head slightly tilted to the right. Kodelyn isn’t sure what she’s watching, most likely a drama off one of the vid channels, but she taps the woman on the shoulder. It’s almost as if she’s electrocuted her, the biotic jolting and whipping her head around to look at her. 

“Don’t freak out.” Kodelyn holds her hands up, “Just wanted to see what you were up to.”

It takes her a moment, a critical eye roaming over her form but Kallan relaxes back into the couch, “Then...I am up to nothing. I was curious what entertainment the Citadel had, but I’m not quite pleased with what I’ve found. There are...a lot of inaccuracies in the vids that portray the Alliance.”

“I’m not surprised.” She answers, leaning her forearms on the couch’s back. To a point, she wonders how Kallan can tell the difference, but just how much she knows about their military is an unknown, “People love a good story way more than they do facts.”

“That seems counterintuitive. How could you build a story on a shaky foundation of skewed details?” Kallan furrows her brows, gesturing at the screen. Her reaction makes Kodelyn smile, how many of these had she ever seen? She doubts Cerberus would’ve been showing her entertainment media. Maybe Tali could show off Fleet and Flotilla to her before they had to ship out again, “Regardless, is there something you needed?”

“Got your message. Can’t say I saw any adverts for the show, but lead the way.” Kodelyn nods towards the front door, “I’ll have to admit, I’ve never seen one on the Citadel before.”

Her eyes brighten, pushing herself up from the couch, “You haven’t? I thought they were common.”

“I don’t spend a lot of recreational time down in the wards. This shore leave is one of the few times I’ve been for longer than a day or two.” She answers, “Could be fun.”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t think it was.”

-

Childlike wonder. That’s the only word Kodelyn has to describe the look on her clone’s face when they’d arrived to the venue, watching the show with wide eyes.

Another one of the lights flashes over the strip, crackling with artificial pink and blue fireworks. Kodelyn had been pleasantly surprised, they weren’t nearly as loud as she’d thought they’d be, but just as bright. It seemed to be part of one of the nearby establishment’s routines for the weekend crowd, Kallan had just managed to catch it a few hours prior to them lighting it.

Her excitement was infectious. It’s a little odd, seeing her own face brightly smile in a way she knew she hadn’t in years. Seeing anything flying over head that weren’t bullets was...probably a new experience for her. When she’d said blank slate, Kodelyn hadn’t taken it as seriously as she should have.

She nudges the other woman’s shoulder with her own during intermission, “Good view, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Better than good.” She pulls her jacket tighter around her, turning to face her, “I’ve...never had the chance to see something like this.”

Then she was right. Kodelyn prods the question, “How much of the galaxy have you seen, Kallan?”

Like a wilted flower, the question makes her expression fall, “Not much. The strip, the archives...even the Normandy. All new places in the last couple of months. Before then, I’d never been off the station where they woke me up.”

Kodelyn feels like she’s understandably stunned, “You’ve never been to the Citadel before?”

Kallan is silent for a few moments, other pedestrians passing behind them, “I’ve been cooped up in a Cerberus facility for most of the time I’ve been alive. Brooks kept me there, taught me what I needed to know. Walking, talking, learning how to exist. There wasn’t time for vids or games or whatever else, I was learning how to be you. I’m probably the most mal-adjusted thirty year old to ever exist, to be entirely honest.”

She isn’t sure how to answer that. Her clone was mature, probably recreated with similar neural pathways to put her right at the mental age of thirty, but her memories aren’t there. They aren’t her’s, and she’s...

Still a person. A person with no idea of friendship, comradery, even love. If she did, it was probably skewed by Brook’s treatment of her.

“I’m sorry.”

Kallan raises an eyebrow, “Why? It isn’t as if you were the one that created me.”

“No. But...” What answer even is there? She feels a bit guilty, as if there was something she could’ve done or should’ve done to prevent what’d happened, but there isn’t anything she can think of short of not coming back at all, “It’s not fair what happened to you.”

“I don’t think fair mattered when they woke me up.” Another lightwork goes off, the crowd roaring with excitement. Kallan’s expression lifts into something more wistful while the green lights plays with the shadows on her face, “I don’t have childhood memories, and sometimes I don’t know where you end and I begin.”

“You’re your own person now, Kallan. You’re free to do whatever you want now.”

“I’ve never known true freedom.” The other woman leans against the railing again, rocking back and forth on her heels, “To be entirely honest, I’m not sure what to do with it. It goes against everything I was trained to do.”

“Nothing wrong with breaking a few boundaries.”

“Maybe so.” Kallan says. She gently pulls at the hair on her head, “That freedom does spell something other than looking exactly the same as you now.”

“Got any ideas on what you’ll do?”

“Nothing yet. Lawson -- Miranda, she suggested a new hair color. EDI suggested something far more drastic, but I’m not partial to artificial eye colors. Or tattoos.” Kallan says, softly smiling, “Red maybe. Or blue. Or maybe I should shave it all off. If I had any credits, I might buy something that’s not black or Alliance blue.”

“I’ll see what I can do about it. I don’t have many of my own I can offer you, but I’ll transfer over some funds.”

“Oh.” Her surprise is genuine, yet the idea seems to please her, “That’s very kind of you.”

“It’s the least I could do. I wouldn’t toss you to the wolves like that for fun.”

“I suppose I should think more highly of you.” Kallan tilts her head skyward, “Regardless, I should actually be thanking you for what you’ve already done for me.”

“I’d think I’d be one of the last people you’re thanking.”

“I’d be spattered somewhere in the wards if you hadn’t stopped to help. If you’d let me go.” Kallan says, “If the roles were reversed, I don’t think I could have done that. You’re a good person, Shepard. Guess I wish I was too.”

“Well, you didn’t take the opportunity to kill me in my sleep last night. I think that’s a step in the right direction.”

Kallan chuckles, “That’s only because Alenko would have noticed.” Seeing Kodelyn’s stunned expression she crookedly grins, “But you’re right. If I wanted to, I would have.”

“Kallan, I’m not sure how to take that. You did try to kill me, on my own ship. Only a few days ago.”

“I’m serious, believe it or not. If I killed you, I’d be blamed, and then where would we be? It wouldn’t benefit me at all.” She shrugs. Her voice gets softer, “I wouldn’t want to kill the only person who’s shown me any real respect.”

“Yeah. I trust you won’t try anything against me, and hopefully not my crew either.”

“It’d be the same outcome. I might not have your mind, but I am smarter than that.” She steps away from the railing, glancing around at the people nearby, “Fun how I’m only discovering this side of life at the end of the world as we know it.”

Lightworks crackle above their heads, bathing them in white light speckled with red. Kodelyn puts a hand on her shoulder, “Better late than never.”

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 1

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 5.6k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, mild degradation, anal play, anal sex, oral sex (male receiving), I think that’s it?? 

ahhh my first smut~ I went kinda hard ehehe sorry this chapter has quite a bit of Taehyung, but they will all have time to shine, promise~ I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think! ^^

You are Bangtan’s slut. Every group has them, to relieve tension and keep a regular sex life, with all of the health benefits that entails. You keep their hair shiny and their skin glowing. You help them stay happy. And that’s really all you could ever ask for.

To be hired as a Physical Companion, you have to be flexible: at any time, your clients could use your body in any way they desire, no matter what you’re currently doing. The sound of slicing vegetables and bubbling water permeate the kitchen while you make dinner, and you hum to yourself as you start to peel another carrot.

“Spread.” Min Yoongi’s voice calls from the entryway of the kitchen, already fishing his dick out of his pants.

You set down the half-peeled carrot and reach behind you to hold you ass cheeks apart, a serene smile on your face. You don’t turn around. He hasn’t told you to yet.

He takes a hold of the bulbous plug in your ass, grabbing the base and twisting it out with a sucking sound from your fluttering hole.

“Ah, fuck…” He hisses at the sight of you, nothing on you now but a frilly apron, your utility belt, and your pussy plug as you make them dinner. He pushes his cock up to fit between your ass cheeks and up your back. “Release,” he commands, and you let the soft flesh of your ass spring back in place, covering his cock. “Resume.” It’s his last command, and you hum to yourself as you keep making dinner while he gives himself an assjob.

“Dinner will be ready soon, Master Min. I’m making stew.” You speak in a calm, almost robotic voice. He didn’t tell you to react to his actions, so you don’t.

“Shit… fuck.” He grunts and doesn’t respond to your statement, too busy grinding his cock against your ass. “Lube,” he demands, sticking out his hand. You reach into a pouch of your belt and wordlessly produce a bottle. He squirts lube all over your ass crack and gaping hole, spreading it around with his hardened cock.

Yoongi doesn’t give any warning before pushing into your ass. He groans loudly, pumping in and out of you. You don’t react apart from how his thrusts jostle your body.

“Fuck yes. Look how fucking pretty for me…” He grips your shining ass cheek, pulling it aside before slapping the flesh loudly, the sound echoing through the house. You continue to hum and chop vegetables, your body reacting involuntarily as your abdominal muscles clench, bracing for the impact of his thrusts. He spanks you again and again, his hand coming down with more force each time.

“Fucking beg for more, slut. Moan for my cock,” he growls, and like a switch being flipped on, you grip the counter, crying out in ecstasy.

“Please, master! Oh, please spank me harder!”

It’s all a part of the job.

Yoongi complies to your wanton desperation, quickly turning your ass red as he spanks and fucks you relentlessly.

Just then Jungkook comes in, stretching after his workout. You can see his bulge straining against his joggers. “What’s for dinner?”

“Hi, Master Jeon! I’m making stew,” you reply cheerily, then switch back to moaning and writhing for Yoongi’s pleasure.

“Sounds good.” Jungkook walks up to you, his crotch at your eye level. “Handjob,” he commands casually, as he pulls out his phone.

You’re surprised. Jungkook normally doesn’t take advantage of your services, except on a few occasions when the group has passed you around during a celebratory dinner. He usually keeps his pleasure to himself, although the company has probably told him to rely on you more often.

Just as it is not encouraged for idols to drink or smoke, it is not encouraged for idols to masturbate. It puts unnecessary strain on their bodies, and wastes a lot of time that they could be spending on more important things. If they need to get off, they should go find their PhysCom.

Jungkook asking you to jerk him off is unexpected. But you comply, pulling his cock out of his pants as carefully as you can while Yoongi is fucking your brains out. You start stroking Jungkook while he talks to Yoongi about their schedule for tomorrow.

“Manager said we should have the second choreo ready, just in case.”

“Ah, we need to practice it more.”

“Yeah, I don’t feel too confident…”

Their voices turn into buzzing as your mind starts to wander, gazing at the beautiful length in your hands. Everything about Jungkook is flawless, but fuck, his cock might be the most perfect thing about him. You’ve only seen it a few times since you were hired, but it still sneaks into your dreams some nights, when you let yourself imagine being held by some or all of the BTS members. It's an unthinkable and out-of-bounds fantasy, which makes it all the more twistedly tantalizing.

Though you’re ashamed of your guilty pleasures, you remember a particularly passionate dream from just last week, and you’re overcome with lust. Before you can think, you’re licking at Jungkook’s cock.

A slap to your face, gentle but warning, like they’d been taught. “No. Handjob.” Jungkook commands again, though he seems a little hesitant at having to discipline you. Usually it’s the elder members who take pleasure in giving you punishment. “Please,” he adds, like the polite young man he is.

You lower your gaze in partially real shame. You haven’t had a slip up like this in several weeks, but you should still know better. You’ve been trained for this. “Yes, master. I’m sorry, master.”

Jungkook seems uncomfortable, or perhaps disinterested, at your answer, and places his cock in your hand again, resuming his SNS scrolling.

For good measure, Yoongi pulls your head back by the hair, grunting and huffing as he rams into your tight ass, over and over. He shoves three of his fingers into your mouth as punishment, making you gag around his digits in an effort to silence you and keep you focused.

“Anyway, uh… Hobi-hyung said it’s not too hard. It’ll just take some time on task,” Jungkook continues. The only sign that he’s being jerked off is the slight tilt of his head, the small clench in his jaw. He’s gotten quite good at not reacting. But of course, he’s a quick learner anyway.

Yoongi doesn’t reply to Jungkook, too busy slamming into you, his pace growing faster by the moment. “Fucking cum around my cock, slut…” He snarls in your ear, and you obediently tighten yourself around him, faking an orgasm as drool starts to drip from the makeshift gag of his fingers in your mouth. He curls them deeper into your throat, and you know he loves the sounds you make when you have something to swallow around.

Yoongi cums with a groan and a string of curses, filling you with his release. "Ah, fuck…" He moans, giving a few more shallow thrusts before easing himself out of your tight hole. He gets your ass plug ready and as the head of his cock falls out, he pushes the plug back into place, sealing his cum away inside you.

"Thanks, doll." Yoongi says softly, giving you a light spank and readjusting himself back into his pants. He's a kind person, but when it comes to his own pleasure, degrading you is what gets him off the fastest. "Yeah, we just need to make time to practice. I'm sure we'll get it with Hobi monitoring us,” he finally replies to Jungkook, a little out of breath, but otherwise completely composed.

Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to cum as you pump his shaft, you can feel it. He must have gotten some pleasure out of seeing you being treated that way, or maybe it was from watching Yoongi climax. Either way, his cock is heavier in your hands, red and swollen and just about ready to burst. The boy can only nod his head in reply to Yoongi, his jaw clenched and eyes closing as he nears his orgasm.

“Come on, Master Jeon…” You know he’s shy, and according to the records, a little sweet talk goes a long way with him. “Be a good boy and cum.”

You can’t tell if your words helped, or if it was something else entirely, but Jungkook suddenly rips his cock from your hands, pumping it wildly himself as he positions his shaft over your cheek. He didn’t put it on your lips, so you take the nonverbal queue and keep your mouth closed, instead tilting your head to the side to give him the most surface area.

He gives the cutest little whimper as his cum splatters across your cheek, a few drops overshooting and landing in your hair. You smile, keeping your mouth closed as he paints your skin, gasps slipping from him as he comes down from his high.

When he regains his senses, he squeezes his length, milking a few remaining drops of cum from his cock and wiping them onto your cheek and hair. “Thanks.” Jungkook says simply, as if you’d given him the time of day rather than made him cum on your face.

But it’s all a part of the job.

You lift your finger to collect a stray drop of cum from your jaw, popping the digit in your mouth. “Any time, Master Jeon.” You send him a wink with your finger still resting on your lips, and notice with satisfaction the blush blooming in his cheeks.

Jungkook tucks himself back into his joggers while Yoongi watches you expectantly, his eyes glittering once more. “Well?” Yoongi says, pointing his chin towards the tiny puddle on the floor from the cum that had fallen off your cheek. “Aren’t you going to clean up the mess he made, slut?”

You smile coyly and get down on your hands and knees without hesitation, licking the cum off the floor and swallowing it. “Mm… thank you for the treat, masters.”

Yoongi chuckles, reaching down to pet your hair. “Just be sure not to ruin your appetite for dinner. Otherwise, Master Kim won’t be happy, will he?”

“No, he won’t.” You shake your head obediently. “Don’t worry, master. I won’t have too many treats.”

“Good girl.” His eyes shine with that insatiable lust of his, and despite your best efforts, you feel your heart flutter. Nobody would suspect it of him, but Min Yoongi really is a sexual fiend. Of course, you are his only outlet for his promiscuous urges, so it’s understandable that you have such a startlingly vivid view of all his dirty little secrets and desires.

In fact, that’s true of all the boys, and you’ve gotten to know them all quite well in the six months of working with them. They each have their own intricacies and things that make them tick. You know a single word that will have Park Jimin cumming all over himself in seconds. You know just the right place to rub Kim Namjoon that makes him whimper. Nobody but you knows just what Jung Hoseok fantasizes about doing to you. It feels powerful, and it’s what makes you take such pride in your job.

They need you, because no one else can satisfy them like you can.

It’s why BTS only has one primary PhysCom - you.

“Keep up the good work, slut.” Yoongi departs with a pat to your rump, Jungkook following behind him, his gaze lowered.

Once you’re sure they’re gone, you stand up with a sigh, and stretch your back out from being bent over the counter for so long. There’s still a wet patch on the floor, and you grab a paper towel to actually clean up the spot. Licking it off the floor is sexy and all, but it’s still a terrible slipping hazard, especially when you’re wearing heels.

You leave the cum on your cheek to dry. Taehyung will likely get a thrill out of it later when he sees you, wondering what devilish activities you’ve been up to with the other members today. Though the substance feels unpleasantly sticky, it’s not so bad. Kind of like a face mask. Besides, you know for a fact that hundreds, if not thousands, of girls would do anything to even see Jeon Jungkook’s semen, let alone have it touch their skin. That’s another source of pride you have in your job.

You resume peeling vegetables to make dinner. Sure, you could just press a button on your ComGear and a full course meal would arrive by drone in minutes. But you like to do domestic things for them, the old fashioned way. You have a suspicion Jimin likes it too, though you haven’t confirmed your hunch. Though you've been meaning to ask him about the pictures he sent you this morning of some rather scandalous French maid uniforms... You’re in the process of chopping the vegetables into bite sized pieces when you hear the kitchen door open again.

“Blowjob, sweetheart. I have a meeting in ten.” Namjoon’s harried voice calls out, already unzipping his pants as he approaches you. The stew will have to wait.

You get on your knees, abandoning the cooking once again. “Yes, Master Kim.” You smiles sweetly as he grips your hair and shoves his cock into your mouth, groaning as you start to work on him.

Even though it can be challenging to satisfy seven men at any given time of day, the sounds Namjoon is making while you suck him off remind you why you trained so hard for this, why you spent years preparing your body to become a vessel for their pleasure.

It’s the feeling you get of being truly needed and appreciated. You know for a fact that your presence in their lives is beneficial to their health, their happiness, and their overall wellbeing.

It’s the look on Namjoon’s face as he cums down your throat, his gaze half-lidded as his stress melts away. It’s the gleam in his eyes as he pets your cheek, his touch gentle with a familiar sort of fondness.

It’s the smile that you give Namjoon as he adjusts himself back into his slacks. The way you smooth out his hair for him and adjust his tie with a sunny disposition, assuring him the meeting will go well. It’s the illusion of an emotional connection in addition to a sexual one, an illusion that you’ve worked very hard to establish with each of them.

It’s all a part of the job.

~~~~~~~

Only a few minutes after Namjoon heads out the door, you're granted another visit, though this one doesn't seem to be nearly as urgent as the last two.

"Hey, jagiya~ what smells so good?" Taehyung's gentle voice carries through the kitchen as he pokes his head in the doorway. "Besides you, I mean."

You can't help the smile that pokes through your facade. He's too damn charming for his own good, and your guard comes down the moment you see him. "Hello, Master Kim. I'm making dinner tonight," you explain as you stir the vegetables sautéeing on the stove. You two have been on a first name basis for a while now, but you still like to use his title when greeting him, in case he’s feeling dominant. "Would you like a taste?"

Taehyung grins and comes over to you, taking a whiff of the pan. "Mm~ actually…" His arms wrap around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. "I shouldn't spoil my appetite. I have a feeling we'll all be hungry tonight."

The words are simple, innocent even, but you feel a flutter in your belly as you see a flash of being fucked by them on the dinner table, silverware and dishes clinking as the boys all share you for dessert. “Tae...”

His embrace and tone of voice tells you he just wants company. If he’d wanted anything more from you, he would have told you outright, as they all did. But the “physical” part of your job description doesn't always mean sex every minute, and you’re perfectly happy to provide some physical companionship, especially to Taehyung.

He’s the only one in the house who makes you feel completely at ease. It's almost like you don't have to put on an act around him, almost like the two of you could be friends. Such a fantasy has crossed your mind more than once, and though it's not quite as delicious as the ones of being held, and kissed, and loved by them, being friends could be just as dangerous…

Any deviation from your professional boundaries could snowball into a catastrophe of feelings, you've seen it happen before. PhysComs have been fired in disgrace, idols have lost their careers. Giving in to your longing for mutual affection could result in much worse than just heartbreak. You push away any thoughts of romance or friendship, distressed that such things had been on your mind so much lately.

"Where did this come from?" His curious voice breaks you out of your thoughts, and at first you think he might have read your mind, but then you feel his hot tongue draw itself delicately up your cheek, where the cum from earlier still wets your skin.

Well damn, maybe he is horny after all.

"Jungkook." You answer automatically, a shiver running up your spine as he withdraws his tongue and hums, tasting his younger member's release.

"Hm, I wish I could have seen that… he's usually so shy about it," he murmurs almost to himself, running his hand a little lower to grace your inner thigh. "Did anyone else play with you today?"

"Y-Yoongi." You bite your tongue for letting yourself stutter. You're a professional sex worker, not a school girl, and you mentally slap yourself. You have to keep it together. "He fucked my ass and filled me up for tonight. He came so much inside me..." You egg him on with a whiny, submissive tone of voice, waiting for his command and ready to drop your cooking again the moment he says the word.

"Lucky girl… Hyung takes such good care of you, doesn't he?" His voice is low and inherently seductive. It's like he doesn't even have to try. You feel yourself getting wet already, the tension palpable, your heart pounding, and you expect him to command you to your knees at any moment.

But then the lustful aura is gone just like that, and he giggles lightheartedly. "Like this apron he bought you. Ah, you look so cute in it, jagiya."

His fingers play with the hem of your apron, and then he pulls away completely and flashes you an adorable smile. He leans against the counter beside you with his hands laced behind his head. "But you always look cute."

Did he just... fucking tease you?

Your brain becomes a stream of static as you try to comprehend his unusual behavior. Why would he do that? He’s never given you the bait and switch like that before. If he wanted to fuck you, he could have, just then or now or any time he wanted.

What does he want, then? Was he trying to have you initiate things instead? If so, then why wouldn’t he just tell you what he wants, like he always does?

Your rules for your work are very simple. You don't run on implications, you run on commands. Guesswork in the bedroom can make things messy, so unless they explicitly tell you to do something, you don't initiate. Coyness and mind games have no place when consent is the cardinal rule for your entire operation, and they know that. It’s a part of your contract. They all signed it.

So why is he not following the rules?

You try not to let your confusion show, and revert back to your persona of a fuck doll, giving him a doe eyed expression that contained all the things you could do to him if he so desired. "Do you… want something of me, Master?"

He shakes his head, mirth dancing in his eyes. "Just your company."

What the fuck.

“Master, I-” You start to question him, but he shushes you with a finger to your lips.

“Taehyung,” he corrects you. “I just want to hang out with you, promise.” He grins, and he looks so damn innocent, you would swear you’d just hallucinated him feeling you up and licking his bandmate’s cum off your cheek.

You level a wary stare his way, caught off-guard by this strange flip flop of behavior. You’re not sure what’s gotten into him, but the lust from before is nowhere to be found on his face, and he keeps his hands to himself. Maybe he really does just want to spend time with you.

“Can I help you cook?” he asks, leaning over to sniff the aroma of the veggies you have in the pan. “These really do smell good.” He hums and walks over to get one of the cooking aprons hanging from hooks by the pantry.

You stare at his back, utterly confused and disarmed, but you try to set his past weirdness aside and focus on the present. “Sure.” You get out an extra cutting board and knife and have him help you clean and prepare the beef for the stew.

He seems to have returned to normal, at least as far as you can tell, and you decide to ignore the incident, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, or maybe he just changed his mind. Taehyung would tell you if something was on his mind, he always has trouble keeping his thoughts to himself, so you have no reason to doubt him.

-------

Pretty soon the two of you are laughing and talking like you always do while you cook, and Taehyung brings up what seems to be his favorite topic - your life before you became a PhysCom.

“So, wait. You never had a boyfriend?” Tae shakes his head in disbelief when you explain your dating history. “Impossible. You’re way too sexy for any guy to ignore, jagiya.”

“I didn’t have time to date.” You laugh at his compliment, rolling your eyes while you wash the dishes you two used to cook, the stew already set to simmer. “And I didn’t used to be. The sexiness came along with my training.” You didn’t mind sharing stories about your past with Tae, especially since it seems to fascinate him so much, but you do try to filter out some of the more unpleasant memories of your trainee days.

He shakes his head again adamantly. “No. You’re naturally sexy. No training can make your eyes sparkle so prettily,” he says, as if it’s a matter of fact, and dries off the dishes as you hand them to him.

“It’s the contacts. They enhance my pupils, make them more appealing,” you explain with a shrug. With all the makeup, hair, and body products you use for your job, your natural appearance has since become an entirely different person in your eyes. You’re not surprised no one ever asked you out, you just looked so… plain. You never want any of the boys to see you like that, it would shatter the illusion.

“Let me see.”

Taehyung’s arms are on either side of you, and you whip around to find that he's pinned you against the sink. He leans closer, an expression of playful curiosity on his face as he stares into your eyes. You meet his gaze, unsure why your heart is racing all of a sudden.

“Hm… nope.” He smiles, and his eyes grow softer the longer he looks at you. “You’re still beautiful.”

You don’t know what to say to that. He said it so… sincerely.

Before you can think, his gaze darts down to your mouth and suddenly he’s leaning even closer. Too close. Too much risk. Feelings…

You flinch away, a flash of panic in your gut. This isn’t supposed to happen.

He stops, crestfallen at your reaction. “... I’m sorry,” he says quietly, his eyes wide.

How did this happen? How did you get yourself into this position? Fuck, why do you still want him to kiss you? Too many thoughts swirl like storm clouds in your mind as your worries grow and you feel like you might hyperventilate.

“I… I should go change for dinner.” It’s a half-assed excuse, and you both know it. But you still duck your gaze and slip under his arm to make a hasty exit, hurrying upstairs and away from the stifling situation and potential disaster.

You kick yourself for wondering what potential disaster’s lips taste like...

-------

Your room is your one reprieve in the house. No one is allowed inside except yourself and your handler, on the rare occasion she visits. It’s a huge room, just like every other room in the house, but you’ve done your best to make it cozy.

It has all the necessities you need to care for your body and mind, a soaking tub, massage table, some simple exercise equipment and yoga mats, not to mention all the beauty products that were practically a part of your uniform.

The bed is lavish, but comfortable, with plenty of soft blankets and pillows, and a stuffed animal or two. You can’t cuddle another person at night, so they provide you with some comfort on evenings when sleep just won’t come.

You rush inside and shut the door with a slam, leaning up against it as you catch your breath. You hate to be so dramatic, but this has never happened before. Things have veered off course of your well-rehearsed script and expected blocking, and into the dangerous territory of improvisation. You panicked.

Shit, why did you panic? Why did you let him get that close to you?

You’ve always thought Taehyung was just lonely, looking for someone he could talk to who understood him. Had he been aiming for this all along? You look down and notice your hands are trembling.

Fuck. All over a stupid kiss.

Sure the other boys have put their mouths on yours during sessions before, but usually it’s driven by lust, more tongue and teeth and saliva than anything meaningful. It’s an extension of the sex, in that sense.

But a real kiss? A kiss like Tae wanted, one that’s soft and gentle and full of feelings, is far too close to romance for your comfort. Romance is the enemy, lust is your partner and best friend.

You try to shake off the incident, but your mind keeps replaying the scenario in vivid detail. He’d looked so heartbroken when you pulled away, you feel like a little piece of you broke along with it. Guilt claws at your stomach, and to your surprise, regret tags along with it.

The betrayal of your own emotions is too much, and you heave a sigh, trying to turn your brain off entirely for a while.

As you change out of the apron and into a fluffy bathrobe, you feel your ComGear vibrate. You pull the slim device out of its sheath on your belt, and you’re not surprised to see several missed messages from Taehyung.

Your gut twists painfully. You can’t even look at them.

You toss the device onto your bed and kick off your heels, wondering how on earth you’ll face him at dinner tonight. How could you work past this? What if they hire another PhysCom for him because he feels too awkward around you?

Oh, hell no. You need to fully face this and do damage control in order to retain your client. Fuck your feelings, this is about business.

Just as you finish your inner pep talk, a knock sounds on your door, as if to challenge your spurt of bravery. You have a sinking feeling in your stomach as you answer the door.

Taehyung is standing there, his head hung and hands wringing in front of him. “Can I come in?” He asks quietly. You debate for a moment before stepping aside. Surely, he wouldn’t try anything so soon after you rejected him.

Tae slowly enters the room, and you fold your arms protectively across your chest, waiting to hear him out.

“If… if you don’t like me, that’s okay.” His voice is even lower than usual, gravelly with the pain he’s feeling. “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re not here to love us.”

You stare at him, wondering if he understands the full scope of the situation. He’s tossing around the words love and like as if they are even in the realm of possibility.

“No, you’re right, I’m not.” You try not to sound angry, but he has to see why this can’t happen. “Tae, your contract could be terminated. Mine could be. The media would chew us up and spit us out, we’d be left with nothing. You’d be stigmatized. No one would want an idol who’s attached to such a scandal, or a PhysCom who broke her employer’s trust. We would both be ruined. Your fans would abandon you. Your life as you know it would be over and you’d live in a shadow of disgrace.”

He flinches at your reprimanding, looking like a school boy being lectured for writing on the bathroom walls. “I’m sorry,” he says again. He sounds so hopeless.

You feel another wave of guilt, and come over to try and comfort him. “It’s… okay.” Lies. How could you make this situation okay? Honesty. Always go for honesty.

“Look. I know it must get… lonely.” You have to cut him a little slack, the man probably hasn’t been able to kiss, to hold someone, in years. He was just like you. “Fuck, I wanted you to kiss me too, so badly… But this - us - can’t happen.”

He pouts unintentionally, and you look down at the floor to avoid staring at his lips.

“I can only do what my contract states. Love is not written on any page of it.” It pains you to be so blunt, but you know it’s the only way you can stop this before it starts. “I’m only allowed to be your PhysCom, and follow commands that will pleasure you. That’s the limit of our relationship.”

He seems to process your words, staring down as well. Then he looks at you, realization lighting up his eyes. “So, what if… I command you to kiss me?”

Your gaze snaps up to him in alarm. “What?”

He grins again. “What if I say kissing you is my kink? Then would you kiss me?”

You can’t hold in your laugh. “Nice try, but no.”

“Why not?” He walks a few steps closer to you, and hooks a finger under your chin. “You said you wanted it, too.”

Shit. He’s got you there. Come on, brain, remember all those logical reasons why this can’t happen...

“It has to bring you sexual pleasure. I can’t do things for you out of… any other emotion.” You skirt around any condemning words, taking a step back. But he matches your step, coming up close to you again, this time resting his other hand on your waist.

“Jagiya.”

You shiver as he says the pet name, and you find yourself caught in his intense gaze, unable to look away.

“It would bring me… immense pleasure…” His thumb brushes your cheek, and he leans down, his lips merely inches from your own. “If you would kiss me.”

Fuck. You’re like a fly trapped in honey, unable to escape, but at least you’re drowning in something delicious. You can’t deny him when he touches you like this. It’s been so long, and he’s so gentle. He makes you feel safe, which is not something you’ve felt very often in your life.

His lips barely brush yours, but it's enough to make your walls come tumbling down. You close the gap, your lips crashing together as you fling your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

You kiss him desperately at first, afraid that lightning would strike you both down immediately. But as nothing bad happens, you relax into it, actually enjoying the spark you feel from his lips.

His arms wrap around your waist, hugging you tightly as if he’s afraid you might disappear. A small moan leaves his throat as he matches your intensity, flowing into a softer, more intimate connection as you both melt into one another.

His lips are warm and gentle, just like the rest of him. You hadn't noticed before, but his aftershave is precisely the type of scent that turns you on… masculine, but not overpowering. Your fingers slide up his neck to tangle in his hair, and you feel his hand on your back, supportive and drawing you closer to him with a soft moan.

In this moment with Taehyung, you don't just feel needed, like how the others depend on you for sex.

You feel wanted, like even if he had a thousand other choices, he'd still choose to kiss you.

It's an unusual feeling, and it sends butterflies through your chest.

You and Tae stay like that for quite a while, just kissing and holding each other, and it’s everything you’ve fantasized about, but somehow better. Maybe it’s the thrill of knowing it shouldn’t be happening. That this isn’t a part of your job.

When you two eventually part, you're both gasping for air, cheeks flushed from sharing in such an illicit activity. But your high comes crashing down when you see Jimin staring at you from the doorway, jaw slack and eyes wide with alarm.

“... What are you two doing?”

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 141

141

Keith was tucked up in bed, saline IV drip in his arm. Lance had been jerking them off when Keith threw up across him. Orgasm, puke, panicked Keith. Moment ruined. Getting Keith up, showered, the bedding stripped and changed, his boyfriend was finally asleep. So much for coming back with a level head... Matt wasn’t Keith sitting ever again. Still, he was kind of cute when he was sleeping and sprouting nonsense. It wasn’t even funny nonsense. Their twins had been upgraded to cupcakes... so that was kind of funny, but Keith obviously not his limits both alcohol wise and mentally.

Heading into the living room, Rieva was back. He really wished they use the front door rather than balcony hoping

“How’s yours?”

“Had to put an IV line. Yours?”

“Tequila hit and he’d acquainting himself with the toilet”

“Did Matt say much?”

“Only that Keith was pretty much babbling by the third shot and obliterated by the 5th shot...”

“Surprised he made it that long... Am I... I did this, didn’t I?”

“Matt did. He wasn’t supposed to take Keith drinking while Keith was upset”

“Keith was upset because of me”

They’d got a lot done with Keith and Matt gone. He’d drafted his will, two copies, one in case Keith didn’t come back, which was now shredded, the other Rieva acted as his witness for. He didn’t have much, but if something happened he wanted Keith and the twins to be provided for. Everything but the coffee machine left to his boyfriend, which went to Pidge as a joke. Keith would decide how to split his assets and if there was something in particular their two best friends wanted Lance was confident Keith would let them take it. Shiro and Curtis to raise their twins if something happened. He hadn’t told Keith, because Keith didn’t want to think about things going wrong. He had a copy of his mother’s will, she’d tried to leave him things but he knew his siblings would contest it. The one thing he knew Luis would want would be Mami’s wedding and engagement ring set, to pass on. He’d slipped it off her finger before they flew back to America, then slid it back on at the service. Even if Luis wanted it, it was where it belonged. Where their Papi had slid it into place all those decades ago.

“Keith was upset because you’ve barely had time to talk about anything properly. Matt did mention you may wish to avoid the hotel lounge. Keith got a bit vocal about your sex life”

Lance groaned. Drunk Keith was a slut. Matt should have known better

“He’s lucky he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning... He’s also lucky Coran sent me back with extra medical supplies. Grab an IV bag if Matt needs one”

Rieva shrugged a shoulder

“He can suffer. I expected more maturity”

“I don’t know... Pidge turns to alcohol to solve all her problems”

“Yes, well. I only popped over to see how you were handling Keith. I can smell vomit in the air”

“Puked all over me. Gotta admit, as gross as it was, it was nice to not be the one throwing up all the time”

Not that Lance wanted to see Keith throwing up. He was pissed at Matt for letting Keith get into this state. Rieva was lucky he could see her and only smell Matt. His ego wanted to punch their friend in the face. Rieva screwed her nose up at his words

“At least mine made it to the bathroom. My plans for a swim are cancelled. Shall I pick you up something for dinner?”

“Yeah. That’d actually be great. Keith’s going to need food to soak up all the alcohol in his system. He still smells like a walking tequila bottle”

“He’ll be feeling it tomorrow. Alright, I’ll pop back soon. You should try rest too. You’re looking a little washed out”

“Try washing Keith when he’s crying, apologising, and groping me all at the same time”

“Nope. That’s a hard pass. I really am sorry for Matt’s actions”

“It’s fine. I totally owe you for today, so I’ll call it even”

“On the plus side, Coran’s fitting the drinks bill...”

He didn’t see that as a plus side. He’d have to pay something towards the room tab before they checked out. The rooms were something like $350 a night and he’d already been there twoish months... or was it three? He didn’t quite know where Keith got three months from. Maybe drunk Keith would tell him?

“... anyway, I’ll see you soon!��

Rieva was back out the window and across the next balcony before Lance could sigh. They were going to get busted for it. All it’d take was someone looking up and opening their big mouths over it. Just another reason why supernaturals shouldn’t be mixing with humans.

Heading back to Keith, his boyfriend was still in the same position Lance had left him in. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he placed his hand on Keith’s hair, letting the soft locks flop over his fingers. He didn’t know what Keith was thinking. Him taking the bite? What kind of crap was that? Keith would probably die before turning. If he turned, he’d have none of the benefits that came with turning young. He was trying to sign up for a life he knew wasn’t as glamorous as Hollywood made believe. He wasn’t going to take Keith’s warmth from him. He wasn’t going to curse him to their weird life. He loved his breathing happy human boyfriend. The feel of his strong heartbeat. The softness of Keith’s warmth as if cocooned around him. His scent. His smile. His ability to function without coffee. Humans were fragile, but he wouldn’t let Keith take the bite. One lifetime with Human Keith was as good as a million with vampire Keith who risked insanity and the troubles of ego. The constant risk of blood borne infection. Their egos might not even get along. Keith’s might outright reject the parts of him he’d liked as a human, and Lance might never recover from the guilt he knew would come if he turned him.

Stroking Keith’s hair, he wished they’d stay like this. Together. He shouldn’t have kept things from Keith, but Keith severely miscalculated how low Lance was. He’d barely started recovering when Mami passed. Yeah, he knew Keith hadn’t had a fun time, but... yeah. He’d fucked things up. The pat on the head and the reassurance he craved came from Rieva. She’d gone to get herself a glass of water from the kitchenette, seeing all the injections and stuff Coran had him taking on top of fresh blood, that he now definitely assumed had been cut off thanks to Keith coming, though feeding from Keith was dangerous. A full feed would leave him weak, his body not able to keep up with his desires to feed Lance as much as he needed. He supposed vampires would simply call in pets to entertain other breeders, that wasn’t what he wanted at all. Love was worth more than blood. Could a human not love a vampire? Or was Keith struggling with the idea of mortality?

Then there was what he’d said. Marriage. Um. Lance wasn’t in a rush. He didn’t feel he had to be married to be with Keith. It went against his romantic heart, but he also didn’t want an engagement ring out of duty. Things like marriage should wait. They hadn’t been together a year, rushing to sign up for the rest of their lives without ironing out the teething problems asked for trouble. Werewolves were different with their concept of marriage. Vampires different again. Vampires generally didn’t marry humans. Humans were generally only ever pets. Keith was not his pet. Did Keith not see them as partners? Did he really see Lance as out of reach permanently if he didn’t take the bite? He hated the thought. The thought he’d drifted so far away from being human in his boyfriend’s eyes. Why couldn’t what they’d had and would have be enough?

*

Falling asleep against Keith, Rieva woke him gently. Matt hanging back, looking like shit

“I’ve brought dinner up if you’d like to join us”

It was food time already? His nap schedule ruined, and his body making it’s dislike known. He’d barely had anything to drink either. One day back with Keith and he acting like a kid

“Yeah... smells good”

“Chicken and rice. Extra for Keith”

“Thanks. I’ll give you the money...”

“We already decided we’re even. I know I told you to nap, yet, I can’t say you seem too rested”

“I got too caught up in taking care of him that I might have forgotten to eat”

Rieva took him by the arm, pulling Lance off Keith who whined in his sleep, patting around for him. Leaning back, Lance kissed Keith’s cheek, his boyfriend’s breath hideous, but trying to brush Keith’s teeth didn’t exactly work when his boyfriend wanted to suck on the toothbrush

“Babe, you awake?”

“Ngggh...”

Nope. He needed sleep. The more sleep the better. He was going to be hung over as fuck

“You just sleep. I’ll be back soon”

“Unmg”

“I know. You regret your life choices. It’s okay, just sleep it off”

“Mhndssf”

“I love you, too”

The three of them left Keith sleeping, Matt throwing himself down on the sofa with such force Lance was worried it was about to break

“I’m amazed you speak drunken Keith. He stopped making sense to me”

Lance shook his head

“Thanks for that. I don’t, and I don’t appreciate you getting him drunk”

“Trust me, dude. No more tequila for him. no mas tequila”

Matt’s Spanish was like nails on a chalk board, making him cringe. He’d even thrown in a very bad Spanish accent trying to sell the three words

“Did he try hitting on you? He’s a slut when he’s drunk”

“No. That would have been easier to deal with. It was all “I love Lance!”. “Lance likes it when I hold hips down and fuck him!”. “Lance is perfection!”. “Lance is life!”. I want my cupcakes!””

Lance groaned. He’d never be able to face any of the hotel staff again

“You shouldn’t have taken him drinking...”

“I know! He just seemed like he needed to let loose”

There was any number of things Matt could have taken Keith off and done...

“Then take him for Karaoke. Give him like two shots and he’ll get up there... Do you have any idea what he’s been saying?”

“That he’s serious about being with you?”

“That the wants to be bitten”

“Ah. He’ll get over that”

Matt waved it off dismissively

“That doesn’t seem like something he’ll just get over, Matt”

Not when Keith had this idea of forever being unnaturally long

“He had something like 8 shots. He won’t remember”

“That’s beside the point because I remember. Couldn’t you have picked something else to talk about?”

“Trust me, I tried”

Rieva interrupted the pair of them

“Aaaaaanyway, Lance, you need to eat. One full blood bag and your food”

“I will”

“You’ll do it now or you’ll forget”

“I don’t forget. It’d be so much easier if I did”

“I don’t care for your excuses, eat, now”

He wasn’t trying to make excuses. He’d come out to eat with his... pack. He was just trying to learn about what Keith had said while drunk. Not putting off eating. This was why he had a hard time accepting the help of his friends because, despite wanting the best for him, he now felt slightly smothered.

Thanks to the feeling of being smothered, Lance was distant through dinner. Before he knew what happened he found his plate emptied. Matt and Rieva also having finished eating, with Matt looking too well after the greasy chicken

“If you’re going to puke, please try to make it to the bathroom”

The scent of Keith’s vomit was bad enough. He didn’t need Matt puking, he was liable to start vomiting at any moment as it was. The chicken looked good, tasted good, but the amount of oil coupled with the scent was definitely not good.

Matt nodded, chicken bone still his mouth

“I think I’m going to eat and run before you start sucking down that blood”

“Matthew!”

Matt shrugged

“He said to go if I’m feeling sick, I’m feeling sick, take care of meeee”

Eh. Close enough. He had Keith to nurse as it was

“I’m sorry, Lance. Matt’s banned from drinking until we get home”

Good luck with that one. Matt not drinking was like Keith not having coffee. If he wanted to drink, he would. That was just how Matt was

“What? Babe. Nooooo”

“You should have thought about that before you ruined our plans. You reap what you sow”

“Lance, please tell me we’re on the first plane out of here tomorrow”

He got it. He was interrupting their lives. Yep. He knew it. Rieva and Matt should be back in America. He’d lasted long enough on his own. He could manage

“You guys can go if you really want to, but I want to spend some more time here”

Rieva elbowed Matt

“Lance, we’re not leaving until you are ready”

Open wound. Pour in salt. Bam. Same feeling as what he felt at Rieva mothering him

“I’ll think about it some more. Thanks for the help earlier. It felt good to get things organised”

“You’re very welcome. Don’t stay up too late”

That meant no walk along the beach alone at night. Too bad for Rieva that he was going to. Lance supposed it was a bit weird, but to him it was like a treat for making it through the day. He could walk the beach, swim if he felt like it, breathe in the salt air and just let go

“Alright. Off you both go. I’ll take care of the clean up”

He’d said alright. Not that he’d promised to. It’d been far too long since he’d been swimming and he’d always loved the water. Going home meant returning to dry inland heat and not a pool in sight. Why couldn’t people just trust him to make the choices that made him happy and his head less busy? No one bothered him. He bothered no one. He always dressed warmly enough... He’d wake Keith up and let him know before he went. No one could be mad at him for that. This was why he’d been keeping so much to himself. Because he knew his mental health was being a little shit and his ego a flaring arsehole. He’d asked for time, not for love to be shoved down his throat at the first possible instance until it choked him.

[danetobelieve]

All In How You Look At It || Orion, Tiaret and Winston

Things had really taken a twist, Winston wasn’t completely sure when everything had become a part of a horror movie, but everything was very dark right now. Not literally. They’d already done that. But in other ways for sure. They hadn’t been able to get Darwin on the phone, on the internet, and so they’d taken Rio, taken the ridiculous amount of research that they had done and put it in their back and then shot out to Darwin’s place. Pulling up outside of their house, Winston stepped out of the car and scratched the bandage that covered their eyelid and closed the door. “Hey, you got everything?” Winston asked with a frown, “I can take a look round the back but it might just be worth … you know literally knocking on the door.” 

The eye, the demons, the visions had consumed his days. Orion could barely sleep and hadn’t really wanted to. All he wanted was to read and research and figure out what was going on. He had been surviving on energy drinks and snack cakes and whatever few hours of sleep he got through power naps. Just knowing that the eye was still on their hands and that it could come back to Orion at any moment was enough to give him insomnia. When they got to Darwin’s, Rio crawled from the passenger seat, slinging the book bag over his shoulder that held all of his books and notes. The thing must have been half the weight of Rio himself and hung along his back, forcing Rio’s posture straighter as he walked. Darwin had told him that he could grab some more texts on demons and that was exactly what Rio planned on doing. “Knocking is fine.” Rio agreed with Winston, heading up to the front door and hitting his knuckles against it a few times. “Someone’s inside.” Rio mentioned absent-mindedly, his heightened hearing picking up on footsteps within the home. “Just can’t tell if it’s Darwin or not.”

Tia had spent the better part of her day sleeping. Darwin's apartment was hardly a palace, but it was warm, and clean, and for the moment that was all she needed. Her eyes peeled open at the sound of someone speaking below her window. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up in her bed and groaned at the tightness in her muscles. Were humans ever not in pain? Ignoring it for the moment, she rose to her feet and crossed to the window, peering down at the two people who had interrupted her beauty sleep. She tilted her head and observed them as they knocked on the door of Darwin's shop and waited for him to answer. She wondered, for a moment, if she should stay silent and let them leave on their own accord. No, you have a deal. She rolled her eyes and left the window and took the short trip to the store, taking her sweet time as she strolled to the door. Opening it, she smiled at her new guests. "Has anyone ever told you how rude it is to disturb a lady's beauty sleep?" Tiaret greeted, leaning against the frame of the door. "Darwin isn't here at the moment, I'm afraid. You'll have to visit him some other time. Preferably when I'm awake."

The woman who answered the door was very clearly not Darwin. She really didn’t look to be that much older than Orion or Winston. But she certainly carried herself as if she was much more mature or regal. “Oh uh- Sorry.” Rio answered, scratching at his neck nervously, “I wasn’t aware that anybody lived here with Darwin.” He didn’t know what to do here. Clearly, the woman had no intention of letting them in. If her figure blocking the doorframe hadn’t been evidence enough, her next sentence instructing them to come back later cemented that. But Rio and Winston really needed those books. Rio felt like they could figure this out. Stop whatever was going on. He felt like they were getting so close. Like the picture of a puzzle finally coming together. All they needed were a few more pieces. Just a couple more clues and suddenly everything would click. “Uh actually-” Rio began, surprising himself that he hadn’t just shied away and crept back towards the car in defeat, “Darwin told me I could come by anytime. He has a few books that I am supposed to grab.” Rio tried explaining that to her, hoping she would accept it and leave them be. “I can pull it up on my phone if you need any proof. My name’s Orion. Or Rio. This is my friend Winston. Darwin has been helping us with some research.”

"Don't worry your head, it's a recent development." Tia was a selfish being. It wasn't a fact she disparaged against herself, she thought selfishness to be necessary for survival. When she had made her deal with Darwin to assist him and his friends in their dilemma, it was strictly because he was giving her a place to stay. "So you're Darwin's little friends," The ex-demoness smiled, looking up and down at the two. Darwin hadn't told her their names, only that they were looking for answers to put down… well, something ancient and powerful. That just happened to be her expertise. "The ones who need the help of… darker forces." She stepped out of the doorway and nudged for them to enter. "By all means, come right in. I've been expecting you."

Honestly, Winston’s first reaction was whether this was Darwin’s girlfriend, but considering that they were 100% sure that Darwin was gay, they decided that probably wasn’t the case. Honestly, Winston wasn’t sure if they had the energy for this. Once they’d grabbed the books there were still a million other pressing and urgent things to do. Their personal life had become such a mess. “Nice to meet you, sorry that we woke you, but Darwin did say we could grab this stuff and we need it,” after all this was as much for Darwin’s benefit as it was for Winston’s they knew that Darwin was enjoying this less then they were to say the least. Not to mention the blinking eye hanging above them, the eyes that were everywhere and the terrifying cultists that they were also now dealing with. “Rio do you know which books we needed?” Winston honestly wasn’t doing the best with the research at the moment, all the deaths and now everything with the eye had left with them with less time then they’d have liked to look into these things. Fortunately Rio had picked up the slack. 

She was expecting them? That wasn’t creepy at all. Orion tried for a smile, hoping that the scepticism and apprehension didn’t leak into his facial expression. Whether or not he trusted her or not, Darwin apparently did. Or at least he did enough to ask her to help them with their research. Did they need the help of darker forces? Rio supposed the time for desperation had long since passed, but he couldn’t help but wonder if there were still other ways. “Uh- Yeah. Generally, I mean. There’s a group of books that he told me about. I know what I’m looking for.” He shrugged. He was convinced that a quick scan of the books would help at least. If he could just match up some of the demonic language he had with one of the books, then that would be a start. “So uh-” Rio realized after stepping into the entryway that she had shared her name with them yet. “You mentioned that you can help us? How exactly is that? You do ritual magic stuff like Darwin does?” He questioned. The blood ritual had given Rio more questions than answers, but it at least proved that there was something more sinister behind a cult and a squid. “Honestly, Winston and I will take whatever help we can get right now.” He wasted no time finding the books that Darwin had packed for him, scrounging through them and rushing through the pages as he waited for the woman’s response.

Tia watched them wander Darwin's store from her place near the door, making sure to lock the useless piece of glass and wood behind them. "By all means, your welcome to whatever you like." She said dully, walking until she came to sit at a nearby armchair. It dwarfed her small, human body, she realized as she got comfortable. That was the worst part of humanity, she believed, how stagnant they remained for years and years. Had she wanted, she would have appeared strong, terrifying. Instead she was left to give off the appearance of vulnerability, and that meant she was forced to compensate. If she could not be a demoness, she could certainly act like one. "Something like that," She lied, checking her nails as she spoke. "I'm an expert in demon languages, demon spellwork, etcetera, etcetera…" Tia forgot how much she enjoyed lying to mortals. Even if it was small, it reminded her of her life before it was destroyed. "You might say I'm a voyeur of sorts."

Winston didn’t miss the door locking behind them. “Thanks, I appreciate the help, we’re trying to fix whatever the hell is wrong with the sun and the only way to do that is to find out what we actually need to do.” The ocean had turned to ink, the sky was home to a giant blinking eye instead of the sun and there were cultists and literal eyeballs everywhere. “Wait?” Winston turned and looked at her interested suddenly, “If you’re an expert on demons and demon spell work and all that fun shit then you could probably help us,” Winston looked around and glanced at the bandage on their hand that was covering the eyelid on their palm. “The whole eye in the sky shit, I’m - I mean - we are pretty sure that it is because this cult is trying to summon a demon army or something into the real world and we might all die because of it at any moment. The cultists that are even more active then before are kind of proof of that and do you think maybe you could look at some stuff and see if it I don’t know - means anything to you?” 

Orion lost the conversation pretty quickly after getting consumed by the books. He wasn’t being as thorough as he would have liked to be, but time was running out for him to be picking the texts apart word by word. Maybe after all this was ever, he could. Instead, he grabbed out any books that he thought may be old enough to help them, quite literally judging the books by their covers. He flipped through them, skipping paragraphs and then pages and then simply flipping through entire sections, looking for anything that stood out. “Did you say expert on demon languages?” Rio fell back into the conversation at the sound of that. It was funny how quickly his feelings for the woman changed when he realized that she was an expert in something Rio was passionate about. “Woah.” He definitely had questions for her. An entire notebook of notes to ask her about. “Right here!” Rio yelled out finally, pointing at a page and jumping up, “This word. It’s the same one from the knife. Water. Just like what the cultists were saying.” Rio brought the book over closer to the two and held it out, “All we have going for us right now are fragments of a story or spell or something. Water. A beacon. Joining bodies.” He sighed. They needed to find the thread that tied them all together. “Please.” 

Tia blinked at them in surprise, shrinking back into the chair unconsciously for a moment. Usually she reveled in attention, but for some reason, a bout twisted in her stomach that she couldn't describe. Wordlessly, she took the book that the man- Rio she thought his name was- handed to her as he yelled about water and bodies and whatever else the humans had gotten themselves tangled in. When she arrived in town to find all the oddities, she had almost thought it hilarious, at first. Surely it was the work of a demon with a sense of humor. But they were right in their assertion, there was something malevolent about it all. Scouring the page, she read her native language with ease. Oh poor dears, they had been way off. "Not water and bodies- the joining of bodies of water." She said turning the book around to point it out to them. "A lake and the sea, more specifically." The longer she read, the deeper the crease between her brows became. Her gaze shot up to them, curious and what the humans may have called worry. "Where did you learn of this? This is… very ancient and dangerous magics. More ancient than I am, in fact."

“We’ve both kind of been working on this for a long time, there have been weird things going in town since the new year and we’ve been doing as much research as we can,” Winston replied hesitantly, they weren’t sure if they should just be telling everyone they met about this. But if there was someone that could help then they would need their help. There had been so much, so many deaths, so much loss, so much horror and so much terror that Winston was beyond enthusiastic about fixing this. “Wait, wait, you said combining the lake and the sea, that sounds a lot like something else that I’ve found,” Winston looked at the bandage on their hand again. They had been researching for months now and finally this was something that they thought was useful. “Do you happen to know if Darwin has a copy of a Theory of Demonology?” Winston asked curiously, “I’ve been looking for it everywhere, it is referenced everywhere but it seems rare.” 

What had she meant... more ancient than herself?  Orion knew what it implied and it had certainly piqued his curiosity, but he needed to stay focused. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to circle back around to that later. She made him uncomfortable, but maybe it was just because the two didn’t know each other. Maybe Rio could make friends, or allies. “Holy crap.” Rio proclaimed. The woman had fit the pieces together. “The lake and the ocean. I bet it has something to do with the beach, where the chest originally washed up.” But why now? What had started this? And what were the cultists planning to do at the lake and the ocean? What did joining the bodies of water mean? Most importantly, how did they stop it?There were still so many questions. “He has to have a copy right? This weird creepy stuff is like Darwin’s thing. Do you know anything about it?” He directed at the woman.

Tiaret watched the two babble to each other about their discoveries, her fingers dancing over the book. She itched to turn the page and find what else might have been hidden in methe thick, obviously extensive text. Perhaps there was something about curses powerful enough to mortalize a demon and how to break them. That was the point of them, wasn't it? All curses had a loophole to extort, even her own, she was sure. "Yes, beaches are crossroads, are they not? Between one world and another. It would make sense for a ritual to draw power from binding two bodies of water." Tia frowned at the them. "Do I look like Darwin's personal librarian? Look at this place, the book could be anywhere." But, of course, she didn't mention that she has spent a good amount of time snooping through Darwin's things. She turned her gaze back to the book in her lap, finding that reading the demonic language was somewhat comforting. Tiaret sighed and raised a black tipped finger to a bookshelf behind the counter. "He had a few books that sounded interesting over there, though I didn't look at them all." 

Winston had stopped listening to Tia and Rio at that point. They were hastily looking through the stack of books and looking for anything that might give them more information. They had to find more information on the joining of these bodies of water. “This all does seem to revolve around the lake and the ocean, it all has been somewhat nautically themed in terms of all of the weird things that have been happening so I guess that would make sense.” Pausing for a moment, Winston bit their finger nail and spotted the title that they were looking for. What a rare stroke of luck. “It doesn’t matter if you’re his personal librarian or not, but I think I’ve found it,” Winston pulled down a large tome and placed it gently on a desk. Flipping it open, they began to do their best to struggle through the demon language that they were well aware that they did not fluently speak. “I think that this should have instructions on a very similar ritual, there was an account of it, something that they did in Eastern Europe in the 12th century,” but unfortunately they only knew that because of a note in a Scribes journal referencing it, they had yet to be fortunate enough to actually discover the book. 

Orion’s mind was running a mile a minute. He stood, arms crossed and staring at the ceiling. He had his eyes clamped shut and he tried to think. To pull any information from his mind that may be relevant. That may help make sense of it all. The chest at the beach. The cult at the lake. The eyes. So many eyes. The eyes were the big thing here. The eye in the sun, the lake, washing up on the beach. And of course the creepiest ones of all, the eyes within Winston, Darwin and Rio’s hand that gave them visions of other eye shaped creatures. It made Rio shudder, goosebumps snaking across his skin. He rubbed his hands up his arms over the sleeves of his hoodie to try to get the goosebumps to go away, but it wouldn’t stop his skin from crawling. He glanced over at Winston, they were pulling a large tome free and flipping through it. “There was something about a beacon too. My best guess was some kind of lighthouse. Considering the connection with water.” He ran his hands over the closed scar where the eye had been last week. Would the woman know anything about the eye if he had it right now? Could she do anything to shed some more light on it? “I’m sorry. We didn’t want to disrupt your sleep, but we need answers. I really appreciate your help with this. Can you uh- Take a look at that book maybe? See if you can help Winston find what they’re looking for?”

“Eastern European magic? How fun.” Tiaret said in a dull tone, checking her black-clawed nails with deliberate interest. How worried they both seemed. For as long as she could remember, humans had always been selfish little creatures. Coming to her with their wishes and whims and expecting to give nothing in return. Could they truly blame her for having twisted their desires? When they were so adamant on obtaining them by any means necessary? But the two standing before her didn’t seem like those other humans. Neither did Darwin, now that she thought of it. Their concern didn’t seem mired within themselves. If they were unhappy with White Crest, they could simply leave, instead they were making the decision to stay and fight… whatever it is that plagued the odd town. She eyed them, an eyebrow raised and a curious glint in her dark eyes. “Well, since you asked so politely,” She took the book into her hands and set it across her lap, scanning over it idly. “Yes, it speaks of a ritual. Ancient, of course, but very powerful and very complicated.” A chuckle slipped past her lips. “I think there’s mention of a sacrifice. How lovely, sacrificial magic was always a favorite of mine.” She raised her gaze to look at the both of them. “There’s power in blood, did you know that?” Her eyes floated back to the book, her nail tapping against the spine rhythmically. “There are more instructions needed. An order to things. If that order is not followed, then…,” She frowned. “What is that term you humans use? Oh, right, how could I forget? You’re fucked.”

Pursing their lips, Winston gazed at Tuareg intently as she began explain what she had read. Winston’s demonic languages obviously needed some work because they were pretty sure they had red the symbol for blood as crimson milk which whilst sensical was inaccurate. “So there is a ritual involving blood, which of course makes sense because blood was what started all of this at least to some extent, blood is clearly a powerful tool that can be used to generate more power.” Winston wondered if they could combine it with their current project but they didn’t exactly have the time to be considering these sorts of trivialities. It was clear however that the order to things was not in the passage that she had just read from and Winston was convinced that they would need to do more research here. “Okay, the overall ritual itself requires two rituals to take place, the joining of bodies makes it pretty clear that one will have to happen at the lake and one by the ocean and then at least symbolically they will be joining the bodies, but that’s not anything on the actual ritual.” Winston was sure that they were going to hate this. “Rio, dude, I think we need to use the eye again to work this out. We don’t have enough information on the ritual and I can cast the spell Darwin did, he explained the theory enough, but it means taking another vision. Can you handle it?”

If Orion had any doubts before, the woman had now made it incredibly clear that she was not human. But what did that mean exactly? A vampire maybe? Some type of Fae? He knew stories about other, more ancient supernatural species though Rio didn’t know a lot about them. Sometimes he wished there was some spell to make him absorb all the information at the Scribe headquarters at once. At least then he wouldn’t feel so clueless all the time. “We are way too familiar with blood rituals.” Rio sighed, weighing whether or not he should ask her about her comments. About how she knew all of this information. But now didn’t seem like the right time. “Thank you- Uh, for your help. We need to figure out exactly how to do the ritual or we’re… what she said. Screwed.” Rio knew what was coming next. He hated it. He definitely didn’t think it was a good idea considering the last time. And yet it was Winston asking. And Rio couldn’t say no to them. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t complain about it. “I knew you were going to suggest that.” Rio groaned, crossing his arms as if to feign pouting over it. “Fine. Just know I detest this.” As if there were ever any doubts that Rio wouldn’t do it for Winston. “Do you want to help? You know a lot about this stuff, clearly. You would know what to look for. Or pick up things that we may miss.” He asked the woman, uncertain if she would want to involve herself in the blood ritual of two humans that were practically children still. 

“You say it with such disdain. Blood magic is still magic, no?” In her long life, she had witnessed and participated in a myriad of rituals of all kinds. If there was one conclusion to be drawn, it was that humans were willing to go to barbaric and incredible lengths to attain whatever they needed. Often, those who came before her had walked a path of hell and high water to kneel and beg for her help. She thought on that for a moment, seeing flashes of people on their knees in front of her, begging for… Why did that make her heart clench? Her hand splayed over her chest where her heart lay, a small frown marring her features. Tiaret’s eyes narrowed in confusion as she listened to their conversation. What on Earth were they talking about? “...Am I going to regret this?” She asked as she rose from her seat and crossed over to them. “I will warn you, I have a vicious temper for people who attempt to harm me. So if even one of my immaculate blonde hairs are out of place, there will be hell to pay.” She smiled twisting her hands in front of her, palm up, as if to offer them to her. “I’d love to help. Do go on, whatever it is you both are trying to do.”

Shaking their head gently, Winston sighed. “It’s not disdain, we’ve just not exactly had the best experience with it, besides technically this is like fairly simple mental magic, we just use the blood as a spell component of sorts.” Winston didn’t really get the concept that there was magic that was forbidden. All magic was an exchange. Sometimes it took a lot. Necromancy for example, Winston had seen first hand how much that cost. It didn’t mean the magic was evil. Perhaps the motive. That was another matter though. “Well, I don’t think you’ll get any physical pain, but this is kind of disturbing, at least, we found it disturbing. Maybe it won’t be the same for you?” They didn’t wait for the answer, the eye had returned to their hand that morning and Winston hadn’t exactly relished it’s return. They had suffered a vision already and it was as bad as Winston had remembered it, leaving them shaking and sweating. Swallowing away their fear, Winston took a seat on the floor and held the eye out, taking Tia’s hand without pausing they quickly chanted the incantation and watched as the eyelid opened and the hazel eye gazed out of their palm up at them. It blinked once before Winston finished their spell. Immediately they were back there, in that place. Except, it was different this time. Rather then a horde of terrible monsters, Winston spotted something. They didn’t know how they knew, but a figure took the horizon and Winston knew that they were a Hunter, or a Slayer or a Warden. They didn’t know how they knew. They just knew. 

“We aren’t dangerous.” Orion assured her, offering a smile as evidence and holding his free hand out towards her, “We are just trying to help the people in this town. I swear.” Too similar to a promise, his sister would say. Orion hadn’t promised, but was a swear close enough if the woman with them had been Fae? Did it matter? Rio hadn’t been lying. He did want to help the people and he wasn’t dangerous. Even if it had been binding, it wasn’t a promise that Rio would break either way. Winston took control of the spell this time, taking Darwin’s place. Rio wasn’t concerned about Winston leading, he had full trust in them. The only fear he had was for their safety, as well as Rio and the woman helping. But soon it didn’t matter, because the spell was done and the visions were there. There was a lot of information to take in. Rio could see the ritual, the parts taking place, step by step. And although nobody spoke, the words hummed inside of Rio’s head, explaining any portions missed. A group of people together. A hunter. A shapeshifter.  A human. A demon. And someone to lead the spell. Rio cringed, feeling the pain as a shapeshifter was forced to harm the human, to spill their blood for this spell. All at the hands of a hunter. And then the demon’s blood was mixed in.  Rio felt outside of his body, an astral projection floating above the gruesome scene he was forced into watching. All he wanted was for it to stop. But he couldn’t let go. Couldn’t break the spell. They needed to see everything or else it couldn’t be stopped.

Well, she supposed that was noble. To a certain sort. Still, Tiaret didn’t trust humans and she probably never would. She had seen the absolute worst of them and all throughout history they had proven themselves unworthy of her time. But now, she was… reliant on them. And in exchange for that reliance, she would have to offer all that she knew. Had she had her magic, she would have reveled in such a deal. Cautiously, and with all the willpower she could summon, she touched her hand to his. The feeling that coursed through her was in fact, quite disturbing. The images flashed through her mind so fast that she could barely comprehend them. Her very human, very non-magical mind was almost overwhelmed by it. Her fingers clenched around their hands, her muscles clenching so tight she felt as if she couldn’t breathe for a moment. And then, all at once, it was over. She wretched her hands from them, quickly reaching up to wipe away the blood that trickled from her nose. As she did, she noted the uncontrollable shaking of her hands. Still, she wiped it away with the back of her sleeve and looked at them both, her eyes pricking with tears. “The hunter turns its prey into a beast and the beast harms an innocent.” She said in a slightly wavering tone, clenching her arms around herself to stop the shaking. “A master of demons must then take the innocent blood and mix it with that of a dark creature… And then that creature must die.” For some reason, that fact made her… sad. The sinking in her stomach was more powerful than she thought it would be. But she tried her hardest not to let it show on her face, keeping her expression neutral. “Drown. The demon must drown, I mean. Before that, an exorcist must summon the power of both rituals into it so that when it dies, the rest of whatever ridiculously powerful creature you’re trying to eliminate will die as well.” She frowned at them judgmentally. “Do you make it a habit of fighting things above your caliber? This ritual is meant to rid this world of a terribly powerful being.”

As the visions and the spell ended and Winston was once more wrenched back to reality a terror truly set into their bones at that ritual. This was something that they might be a little under equipped for, but fortunately they had friends that they would be able to get to help them. The entire vision seemed to be a ritual and they were clearly instructions about what they could do to fix everything that was going wrong and Winston needed to write them down, they quickly set about typing what Tiaret was saying into their phone, making a digital copy in case something happened. It was too important to lose now. They had their answer and they knew how they were going to make things better. “God, fuck fuck okay,” Winston took several deep breaths and pulled their glasses straight. Running a hand through their hair they tried their best to think. “I didn’t pick a fight with this thing, squirdward just HAD to come and play in White Crest. This is probably why so much terrible shit has been going on but no one ever listens to any of us when we say that something weird is going on.” Swallowing Winston pulled out their inhaler and took a quick puff of it, the ventolin soothing their harried breathing. “Obviously Rio and I aren’t going to do this on our own, by the sound so fit we’re going to have to have multiple rituals, so we’re going to need to get help. Which is fine. We can do that.” Slowly standing, Winston grabbed an energy drink from their bag and swallowed several gulps in an attempt to replace the energy they had lost with caffeine, which was always an empty replacement. “We need to go, but thank you for your help.”

[punkpoemprose]

December 4th- Hold You (To it)

Universe: Canon (shortly after Frozen 2)

Rating: M (Mature Audiences, sex, oral sex, and somewhat explicit in places though I tried to keep it to a minimum)

Length: 3031 Words

A/N: Behind as ever. Who’s surprised? Not me! But that said, here’s some “first time” sex set just hours to a day after the events of Frozen 2!  It was supposed to be 1,000 words, but of course I spent all day writing over 3,000 instead. Whoops! Hope y’all enjoy!

Anna was giggling as Kristoff took to unlacing her dress. The trek back from the enchanted forest hadn’t been a long one in a grand sense of things, but between it and the meetings she’d had to sit through about Elsa’s abdication and how they planned to perform her official coronation, and about when she and “Lord Bjorgman” would announce their engagement to the kingdom at large, it had seemed like several days had passed instead of several hours, and she was feeling rather impatient.

“Just tear it off, I really don’t care at this point.”

His laughter was rich and warm to her ear, and despite how exhausted she knew they both were, the enthusiasm for what they were about to do was keeping sleep at bay.

“I’m not going to rip your dress off Anna… well not today at least.”

She moaned as his clever fingers finally exposed and brushed against her upper back. “Don’t say that or I’ll hold you to it.”

She’d never had him alone like this. Of course, this wasn’t the first time they’d “explored” together. They’d seen each other naked, and they’d done just about anything and everything they could come up with to each other that involved mouths and hands, but now, despite it being unspoken, Anna knew that they were finally going to go all the way. She was more than ready.

In fact between the fact that they’d nearly died, the fact that they were engaged, and the fact that first the first time since they’d started dating, absolutely no one was around to interrupt them, Anna was about ready to tear her own dress off, as well as his pants. But Kristoff was steady, stripping off layer after layer with familiarity and practiced speed.

“I look forward to it,” he said as her bodice fell to the floor with her overskirts. He had her down to her corset cover and associated underthings, and she stripped off the cover, tossing it to the side and feeling mobile and bare enough that she could turn and begin divesting him of his layers.

“Off, all of it, come on!”

“Anna you really don’t need to…” the rest of his words were muffled by his vest as she pulled it over his head to the best of her abilities and started in on his shirt.

“I just saved our people from assured destruction from pissed off elements, got engaged, became Queen, and sat through several hours of associated meetings. You’re the one who said in the wagon that as soon as we got home you were going to…”

He interrupted her then with another laugh. Once his shirt was over his face she saw his broad smile and relaxed a bit at the sight. She was, maybe getting a little carried away, but too much had been happening for her to take the risk of one more interruption before she could celebrate their engagement in the most intimate way possible.

“I know what I said Anna, but you can breathe you know. Take it slow? I promise you I’m not going anywhere.”

It was the truth and she knew it. He really wasn’t going anywhere on her. He had proven, as he always did, that he was one constant in her life that she didn’t need to worry about. It didn’t mean she wanted to slow down very much, however, as she was absolutely beyond thrilled to finally be alone with him.

She stepped into him, relaxing into his arms as they wrapped around her.

“Sorry, I’m getting a little carried away.”

She looked up and met his lips with hers when he leaned down to kiss her. It was so natural, the way his hands fell to her waist as he stooped slightly to make up for their height difference.

“Honestly Anna I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I want us to enjoy this.” His hands wandered across her lower back and hips as she looked up into his eyes, accepting and giving kisses as her own hands settled on his bare back.

She wasn’t sure what she loved more, the feeling of his muscled back under her palms, the knowledge of his strength and just how effortless it was for him to lift her, or the way it felt to be on the receiving end of his loving gaze. She was happy that she didn’t have to choose. She felt warm and full of energy when he pulled her closer and she felt his wandering hands settle on the laces of her corset.

“I want to remember everything about this,” he said, continuing the thought as Anna nodded into his chest. “I want you to remember everything about this.”

A pleasant shiver went through her spine as his voice deepened. He was unlacing her slowly, and despite the urgency with which she had just tugged off his shirt, she was enjoying the process, his head dipped low, his lips close to her ear.

“I want to show you that I can take care of you in the way you deserve.”

She moaned and didn’t put the effort into quieting herself that she normally would. She suspected that when the castle staff had seen her dragging Kristoff to her bedroom, they’d cleared the floor. She didn’t care if they hadn’t.

Kristoff hummed in response; the laces released enough that he could turn his focus to the front closure. Anna shivered when he kissed her neck before straightening himself to unhook the garment. He was slow in doing so, and she knew that it wasn’t due to inexperience, but instead a result of his intentions to make good on his promises to make the night memorable.

She decided, as the corset fell and she stooped to press a kiss to her décolletage, that she didn’t mind slow after all.

Her hands slipped into his hair as he pressed kisses along the neckline of her chemise, kissing just above her breasts and along the uncovered portions of her shoulders. She tugged gently at his hair as he did so, his groans mixing with her own soft sounds of appreciation and want.

“I know you can Kristoff,” she whined as he pressed another kiss to the juncture of her shoulder and neck, “I know you take such good care of me.”

He hummed against her skin, illiciting another soft moan. She couldn’t help herself, now that they were slowing down, now that he’d helped her appreciate the moment, it just felt so good to have his hands and lips on her skin.

“And I’m going to try to outdo myself if you’ll let me.”

One hand, which had found itself on her lower back, shifted to her bottom, and Anna tugged on his hair again, perhaps too hard, in response to the sensation and his words.

“Please!”

He chuckled through it, and as she released his hair she found herself being scooped up in his arms, cradled against his chest as he carried her the short distance from the space by her door where she’d dragged him to begin with, to her bed. She didn’t know whether the heart she could hear racing was her own or his from her place against his chest, but she had a feeling it was both. They’d waited so long for this, and while neither of them had really discussed it, Anna was glad that they’d waited for this at least. It felt like there was a purpose to it now, and she was also thrilled that they’d taken the time to get to know what the other liked.

When her back hit the mattress, he was already above her, kissing her, carding the hand that wasn’t supporting his weight through her hair.

She kissed him back with all the energy she’d shown when she’d pulled him into her bedroom. She kissed him like a woman starved, and he responded in kind. She had a feeling that the long wait was starting to catch up with him as well, as while he didn’t necessarily speed up, he was clearly much more focused in his attentions to her. She knew that from the moment she said please, he was determined to show her exactly what he’d meant.

“I love it when you take charge,” she panted as his lips traveled down her neck and again to her chest.

He nodded subtly as he reached down for the bottom edge of her chemise, her last layer since she’d decided against certain other underclothes when she’d returned to the castle and changed clothes. The decision was one made strictly under hopes that he’d have one layer less to contend with.

“May I?” he asked. He always asked, even when he had Anna’s most enthusiastic consent for the entire process. It was one of the many ways in which Anna saw him display his love and respect for her. She never told him he didn’t have to ask, because she knew that even if she said as much, he still would.

She however, thought for a minute and smiled devilishly at him when a thought crossed her mind.

“After you take your pants off.”

His grin as he sat up to obey her request was certainly something, she knew she’d always remember about their night together. He wasn’t a shy man when it came to his body, and before they’d started experimenting together as a couple she hadn’t been used to it. Now though, she knew that the little roll of his hips as he removed his trousers was for her benefit. He was comfortable in his skin and it was something she loved to see.

As soon as his bottoms were discarded, Anna felt his hands against her thighs, his hands traversing them from the knee up, feeling his way up to her chemise’s hem, which was, of course, already hiked up.

In response she sat up slightly and reached her hand to his chest, moving down his stomach at the same pace he slipped up her legs.

When her fingers met hair, his met fabric.

Her eyes were locked onto his, a staring match for who would move first. It made more sense for him to bare her before she started to touch him, but his trousers were off and she knew for a fact how much he enjoyed it when she took him in hand. She preferred his mouth on her, though they both enjoyed any permutation.

“Ripping my clothes is still an option,” she offered cheekily, fingers fluttering against his lower stomach.

“I’ll just pull it over your head,” he decided, leaning away from her touch with some effort and capturing the edge of her chemise in his hands.

Anna bucked her hips up as he tugged it over her rear, and sat up facing him so that he could pull it over her head, leaving them sitting completely bare, facing each other.

His eyes ran over her, as they always did. She’d been somewhat nervous the first time he’d seen her naked, never having been bare for intimacy before, but now she bore his appreciative and lustful gaze with great pride. Whenever she saw him bare, seeing how hard he was looking at her, filled her with delight.

“Okay?” he asked, reaching a hand out to touch her bare waist.

“Yes, very okay,” she responded, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek in return.

They were at a standstill for a moment. She wasn’t sure of what she should be doing. Of course she knew what the actual act was, and she had plenty of familiarity with Kristoff’s manhood as well as of her own body, but figuring out a process, a way of getting things going that felt natural, was always the trouble of them getting intimate the first time. Fortunately, she thought, they were very quick learners, and they already had plenty of mastery.

“Can I taste you?” he asked, leaning his head into her hand, his eyes fully focused on her lips in return.

She nodded. It felt like a good a place to start as any.

“Can I touch you?” she questioned in return; her voice barely able to raise above a whisper.

 He nodded, and it was with practiced ease that they found a position they were pleased with.

Anna moaned when she felt his tongue slip from her as his lips closed around her bud. He knew exactly how she liked it, and she in return, increased her attentions to his length. She was still trying to wrap her head around how she was going to take him. It was a thought she’d had before, and while she was certain that sex with Kristoff would always be something that made her feel good, she was unsure of whether it would hurt first. It had never hurt with his mouth or his hands. He was always so careful with her, and that was a comfort.

She ducked her head down, pressing a kiss to his cock before she took it in her mouth, deciding that as close as she was feeling from his mouth alone, she should do her part to ready him for what they were about to do.

He moaned her name, and she almost laughed as the sound was muffled by the most inappropriate barrier she could think of. When he groaned and pushed on her rear gently she came up for air, understanding that he was as ready as she was to move things along.

She turned around, facing him, hovering just above his chest, and feeling every bit as blissed out as he looked when he sat up slightly to kiss her.

“Are you sure you want to do this Anna?” he asked, his voice thick with desire, “We can wait if you want to.”

She did laugh then, “I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted to do anything so much in my entire life.”

He smiled then, and laughed a bit himself, sitting up and shifting her until their roles were reversed and she was under him.

“I thought maybe, but I had to ask. Ready?”

She nodded, keeping her eyes on his as he shifted his weight. She lifted her hips slightly, moving on instinct as she felt him positioning himself at her entrance. She was wetter than she’d ever been, in fact she was almost certain that she’d need to change the sheets before they could in good conscious sleep where she was laying.

Though she had a feeling too, that he loved it in the same way she loved the knowledge that he was hard for her. They’d only ever been with one another, so it meant more to her that time after time she could interest and excite him. She was certain that their upcoming nuptials would change nothing, beyond how often they were able to enjoy each other’s private company.

He leaned down slightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead that made her heart leap, despite it’s relative chasteness. It signaled a beginning to her, and he made good on the promise in it, slowly but surely pressing into her.

Her breath caught in her throat as she adjusted to the feeling of being filled by him. Of course she’d had his fingers and mouth before, but there was something unsatisfying to them now in her thoughts as she felt what it was like to be surrounded by his arms and to have him inside her.

He smiled down at her and it was soft, if not a bit nervous. He was checking on her, she knew, and even though her eyes were watering a bit from the emotion of it all, she smiled broadly at him. It didn’t hurt in the least. The feeling was new, but it was a good one, and her tears had much more to do with the revelation that this was the last frontier they’d explore before their wedding than it did anything even remotely negative.

“You feel…” he trailed off, whispering something under his breath before he ducked down to kiss her.

As his lips met hers, she rolled her hips into his a bit experimentally and was treated with him groaning into her mouth as his hips bucked in response.

“So do you,” she moaned as he shifted back and turned his attentions to beginning a slow rhythm between them.

Her hand slipped to where his was bracing him on the mattress and as they found their pace, and she gave his hand a squeeze when his angle changed slightly, rubbing her in just the right way.

“Right there,” she whispered like a prayer, and he heard it, following her associated moans as they found their way to climax together.

“Anna I’m…Do you want me to?”

Riding out a wave of pleasure, she moaned out the best semblance of an affirmative response she could manage, which she knew he recognized when he picked up his pace, his hand squeezing against hers, his brow gleaming with sweat as she watched him come undone.

He slipped from her moments later, an emptiness she had expected, but frowned at nevertheless as he quickly moved to lay at her side.

She reached out for him and with some speed, found herself settled in his arms, feeling just the slightest bit sore, but generally sated. His lips were against her forehead, his fingers making lazy shapes against her bare skin. It felt right in a way she couldn’t explain, in a way that felt a lot like belonging and like it was natural.

“Was it worth the wait?” he asked, sounding exhausted, but evidently not so much that he couldn’t tease her.

“Absolutely, but you’ve made me never want to wait for it ever again.”

He laughed, a warm and familiar sound that made her feel even more at ease, if it were even possible.

“Give me a couple hours? Maybe in the morning.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” she said again, meaning it more than she had the first time.

“I’ll look forward to it,” he said in response, kissing her again before closing his eyes.

[xtolovers]

The Best Of Us

The Last of Us Joel/OC  Rating:M

AO3

Joel and Ellie nearly die on their way back to Jackson,  Wyoming.  Traumatized, tired and with a tentative new bond between  them, they move forward into a new, very different life. Luckily there  are new friends to be found that are not easily deterred by their wounds  and flaws. And there is a woman who likes to laugh, to get into other  people's business and help and heal were she can. Maybe she can help  heal their bond. Maybe she can move more. It has been long since either of them had a home.     

Chapter 2: Nursing Suspicions     

Something wet splashed in his face and washed the darkness away with it. Slowly he blinked his eyes open. “Welcome back to the land of the living.” The woman was kneeling above him, with a soft smile and a canteen in her hand, the pale purple sky above her.  Passed out again, goddamnit. With a grunt he took her outstretched hand and together, they heaved him up to his feet. Relieved, Joel found that the world had stopped spinning. “Also kinda the land of the dead.” The woman— Liv, it came back to him— rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue up at the teen peeking over the edge down at him. “Very helpful Jesse. Maybe he’s got amnesia— is this how you wanna break it to him?” “He fell into  mud  Liv. ” “Men have forgotten more over less.” “ Or so they’ve told you.” She laughed, but quickly concealed it as an outraged gasp. “You just wait till I get up there and we’ll see how big you’re talking then.” “Well, come on up then.”

She turned to him then, but Joel looked around, half expecting Ellie ’s stretcher to lie on the ground, only to find it nowhere to be seen. A tap on his shoulder drew his attention to a branch and the tip of a sneaker, barely visible over the ridge. Apparently they’d managed to grab on before he blacked out. Liv nodded towards the spruce-ladder. “You ready? I’ll go behind you.” She looked confident in her assessment, but he was a good head taller, and a lot heavier than her. “Doubt you can catch me.” “No, but I’m soft. I’ll cushion the fall,” she said with a grin, and to his mortification, he could feel his cheeks warm. “Ah, there. A little color. Well, if you fall, I’ll have to climb down again anyhow, so I’ll just spare myself the trip. Now. Up you go.”

Happy to look at nothing for a minute, Joel followed her instruction and set about climbing out of the ditch. It was both easier and more difficult than he’d have thought; easier to traverse, but exhausting physically. Every muscle in his body was straining, his whole body felt heavy as lead. After the first three feet he nearly lost consciousness again, his left foot slipping from its hold, and he sliced his leg open on the cut-off branch. A round of curses erupted — not just from him — and he held on for a second, gathering himself. He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded his quiet acknowledgment that he was okay, before he slowly continued his way upward. Above him, both men had lain down at the edge of the ditch, reaching towards him, ready to help, and as soon as he got close enough, they grabbed onto him and nearly lifted him up just by themselves. With a mumbled  thanks  he hobbled over to Ellie and collapsed next to her, relieved to find her safe. He tried to untie her binds, and the kid next to him bent down to help as he saw Joel struggle — his fingers were weak and his skin chaffed raw from his efforts to climb the ditch throughout the last days. While they were working, Eugene bent down again and lifted Liv over the edge, clapping her shoulder good-naturedly afterwards, sending her staggering. The man was tall, broad-shouldered and clearly strong, his wild mane of greying curls the only thing making him look less threatening. “All right. Let me see your ankle real quick.” Liv wiped her hands on her jeans and knelt down at his feet. She made quick work of it, cleaning the wound with a rag and some water Jesse handed her, before she tied the rag around his leg to stem the bleeding. “Not too deep, but I’ll probably have to stitch it up later.” She stood and exhaled heavily before studying the sky. “Let’s take them up to the lodge, then we can make some food and clean up. See how we go from there.” Eugene nodded. “Sounds like a plan. You’re better riding with me, buddy. Can’t have you fall of the horse if you black out again.” He wanted to argue, but Liv declared that she’d take Ellie so she could keep an eye on her, and as much as Joel didn’t want anybody to split them up, he knew that they were right. He’d have to trust them— no help if he keeled over with both of them on the horse. “All right.” He accepted Eugene's hand and climbed up in front of him.

Liv carefully lead the way, trying to keep Apollo steady beneath her so the girl wouldn’t get shaken up too badly. She was burning up in her arms, the fever doing it’s best to burn off the infection, but without a proper exam, Liv was worried about her state. The last patrol that came through had been a week ago, and the rains had started after, but by the looks of them, they’d been down there for  days. “  What ’s her name?” She glanced over her shoulder to Joel, who was watching her like a hawk. “Ellie.” His voice was still raspy from disuse. There was no doubt he was Tommy’s brother; they shared the same eyes and jaw, and while Liv hadn’t met him, Tommy had told her his brother had been at the plant back in autumn. What troubled her more was the haunted look the familiar eyes held— she was used to seeing traumatized people, their world made sure of that enough, but Joel looked like trauma on legs. His whole focus was on the girl in her arms, she could feel his eyes boring into her back, or rather,  through  her, always careful, always calculating, making sure they weren ’t harming her, although she could see him fighting it, trying to push down the impulses of survival. Maybe she should be more careful— there was something almost…  feral about him, and she had seen the look that crossed his eyes when she suggested lifting the girl out of the pit, a look that calculated what leverage Liv could give him if he attacked her, should any harm come to the girl — but he was also barely standing, and she had Eugene and Jesse with her. She figured that as soon as they were safe and she could patch them up, he ’d relax, too. He was in survival mode, something she knew all too well. So she made sure to stay in sight, to keep him calm and move slowly. Jesse kept bickering with her, apparently picking up on her carefully kept ease and trying to help her, bless his heart. Eugene was silent for once, but didn’t look bothered at all. Then again, little ever bothered Eugene. About half an hour later, the roof of the ski lodge came into view over the tree tops. They hadn’t seen stragglers in weeks, but she’d rather be too careful than be surprised with two injured people under her care. On her sign, they dismounted, and she handed the girl to Joel, who looked almost ghostly pale. She tried to catch a look at his ankle, but as far as she could tell, there was at least no fresh blood. After she dismounted, she took her bow and arrows over and nodded to Jesse, who dutifully shouldered his rifle. “Well go and see if it’s clear, just to be safe. You stay here with them.” “Is this some kind of comment about my sneaking skills?” Eugene scoffed, but Liv saw the glint in his eyes. She patted his cheek as they moved past them. “So glad we understand each other, Eugene.” At her nod, Jesse and she left the path and sunk into the woods, deciding to approach from the side, where they wouldn’t be spotted as easily. Jesse stayed next to her, and she felt fondness well up for him. He was a good guy: responsible, level-headed, loyal to a fault. This was the fourth patrol she was doing with him— he’d just turned sixteen and had started his training with her out in the field.

For the last months, he’d been stationed to help her out at the Med Bay, and had impressed her thoroughly by never flinching or hesitating to wash, shave or massage body parts that weren’t his own, something most struggled with. All Jackson inhabitants landed as her apprentices now and then, so they’d learn something and Jackson wouldn’t be left without medical help should something happen to her, but most that came were either squeamish in general, or expected only to treat the most gruesome wounds, cut some flesh and set some bones, easily forgetting that most of her work still was  nursing  . Jesse however, despite clearly having goals to fulfill a different role in the community later, had taken on his duty with a grace that was uncommon for his age, and had been an immense help. That ’s why she was out here in the first place— everyone had patrol duty now and then, but Liv had made up some excuses about checking up on the first-aid stashes they kept at the outposts, opting to take Jesse with her as her current apprentice. This had the benefit of also counting as patrol training, effectively qualifying him to apply for group patrols after his service with her was over. Liv had the feeling he knew what she was doing, but neither had breached the subject. For her, it wasn’t necessary, Jesse, she was sure, didn’t want to say something, afraid that might make him look insecure. His carefully crafted grave maturity was important to him, in the hopes of securing the bigger responsibilities he craved. Liv, unable to try and be helpful, had almost pulled him aside when he first came under her tutelage, and told him to loosen up a bit, but she soon found that Jesse wasn’t uptight at all— unless there was responsibility to be carried, so she let him be. No, he was alright. As always, she didn’t have to tell him much. He was new to this, but not new to reading her body language and understanding what she wanted without many words, and he was a natural. Jesse wasn’t the first teen she’d taken along, but he was the best, and she was proud of how far he’d go. They stalked the perimeter of the building, just behind the tree line, but found no movement anywhere. On her sign, they rushed to the doors, and as he slid the doors slightly open, she peered in, bow drawn taunt. “Clear.” They slipped inside, and Liv exchanged her bow for the revolver that she’d stuck into the back of her jeans. They split up, methodically screening the side- and backrooms, before meeting up to check the hallway that went back out to the utility sheds and the old abandoned parking lot, but found nothing. Relieved, they dropped their cautious stance and made their way back through and down to the others. “You really think that’s Tommy’s brother?” She threw a glance at Jesse, but he seemed more curious than bothered. “Yeah. Tommy told me he already passed through a couple of months ago. Besides, they got the same eyes.” “If they were already here, why didn’t they stay?” “I don’t know.” Liv had asked Tommy the same, and he’d closed off and said they had something else to do. She knew Tommy well, and the way he’d evaded her had made her neck tingle. Still, if Tommy didn’t feel like disclosing it to  her  , Jesse didn ’t need to know more, even if it were only her guesses. “He said they still had some business to wrap up somewhere, but that they might come back after.” Which wasn’t entirely true. Tommy had said that  Joel might return, and from the way he said it it sounded like it ’d be a couple of weeks at most. When winter came around, Liv felt like Tommy deflated a bit, and she’d theorized it had to do with his brother not returning. When she asked, he’d brushed her off again. At least Jesse seemed satisfied with the answer. “Seems like they’ve been through some stuff. You think his daughter will live?” She hesitated. “I can give a more confident answer about that in an hour.” The rest, she left unsaid. Liv knew that Joel’s daughter was dead; Tommy and she had often talked about Outbreak Day on their patrols, and she knew the story of how he saw his niece die that day, killed by a FEDRA soldier, and what it did to his brother. This girl was also too old to be another daughter; she had to be thirteen or fourteen, and Liv knew that Tommy and his brother had stuck together for a couple of years after the outbreak. If she were Joel’s, Tommy would’ve been there when she’d been born. She had no clue what was going on, but she was sure that she wouldn’t get any answers out of Tommy, or Joel for that matter. Especially not if I can   ’t keep them alive. “Clear?” Eugene called up to them when they came into sight, and Liv simply waved her arm. Eugene helped Joel up on Apollo and set Ellie in his arms, before he mounted himself and led them up the hill. Liv and Jesse turned around and walked back towards the lodge. “Can you get a fire going and boil some water for me?” With a nod, Jesse jogged ahead to the far side of the cabin where they stored some firewood, while Liv went over to the bar and grabbed the key they’d hidden on a small ledge beneath it. With it, she went to open the back room they kept locked, were they had stashed medicine, bandages, drinkable water and some non-perishable food rations. Usually the patrols carried their own rations with them, and they always kept something “free” to grab that they left outside their locked stashes, so stragglers would have something to eat and grab, but each watch post had a hidden stash for the Jackson patrols in case anything happened. While she grabbed what she needed, she heard Eugene talk outside, and as she stepped out of the room, Joel was stumbling inside, carrying the girl. “Put her down over here.” Liv gestured to one of the two sprawling couches surrounding the two luxurious fireplaces that hung free from the ceiling, in one of which Jesse was just piling up firewood. She dumped all she’d taken on a table that she pulled over, sat her backpack down and pulled out the sandwiches she’d taken with her. Then she shoved both her canteen with the slim rest of water that was still in it and the food in Joel’s hands. “Drink this, slowly, and then eat a couple of small bites. Just one or two,  slowly  . I know you ’re hungry— “ he interrupted her with a nod. “I know, otherwise I’ll just throw up.” He gave a small sardonic smile and a light bow of his head. “Not my first time starving, I’m afraid.” Liv sighed. “ Didn’t think so, but you’d be surprised by how many people will still make themselves sick despite knowing better.” “Hunger will do that to you.” “Well, be smarter.” Satisfied by his dutiful unscrewing of the bottle, Liv turned her attention to her work. Jesse had successfully started a fire and she sent him to fill up three pots of water and set them to boil, when Eugene came over to them. He was carrying the blanket from his bedroll— they’d planned on staying the night— and spread it over Ellie, who was now laid out comfortably on the sofa, before he settled against the armrest near her head. “Signed us in.” “Thanks.” “Anything I can help?” “ We’ve got that basin in the back. Could you fill that up with some water from the brook? Just to clean up.” He nodded and lumbered out, and for a couple of minutes, they all worked silently. Liv prepared some bandages and the small bottle of iodine she kept for emergencies, to treat the girls arm. For the smaller and less dangerous wounds, she got out some cloves of fresh garlic that she kept in her pack and had Jesse peel, crush and boil them. “ Garlic is the best natural disinfectant we have, vinegar helps too. Witch hazel helps with healing, and cherry bark acts as a painkiller if you boil it,” she explained to Jesse, and after showing him each, added them to the garlic water, then set some of the bandages in to soak. Eugene had prepared the small tub, poured the boiling water in and chased down a relatively soft cloth. Under Joel’s watchful eye, she first cut open Ellie’s sleeve, then the improvised bandage. The cut was deep, that was easy to see, even though it had scabbed over completely. The angry, red, swollen skin surrounding it was a bad sign, but it could be worse.

“Could be better, could be worse. I can treat her here, for now, but I’ll be much more relaxed the sooner we get her to Jackson. If you two leave now and ride fast, you’ll be back by sundown. I’ll give you a list for Ellen of things to prepare for me, and some I need for the way. Get Tommy, get a truck, get someone to relieve us for patrol, and come here at first light.” As expected, both complained. “That’s too dangerous.” “You’re alone with two injured people, it’s too risky.” “I know what I’m doing. We haven’t seen anyone in months. We’ll barricade the doors, and Joel is exhausted, not incapacitated. I’m pretty sure he can still hold a gun if necessary.” Eugene looked at her, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. That’s what’s worrying me. “It’ll be fine. It’s a risk we’ll have to take.” Before they could complain again, Liv mustered her best Maria impression. “No discussion. You can disagree all you want, I’m afraid I’ll have to pull rank here. Now, go. You’re losing light.” Jesse was displeased, that was easy to see, but Eugene knew her long enough. He clapped him on the back and they both went to their horses. Jesse gave her his bedroll and both of them tried to give her their food. She took half of it and insisted they eat the rest. “We’ve got rations here, and they shouldn’t eat that much anyways right away. If the kid wakes up at all tonight.” She rubbed her face wearily and shooed them off. “Hurry, but don’t risk anything, okay?” “Barricade the doors and keep the lights low. Keep out the generator at night.” “I will, but we need a fire.”

“We can see the lodge from the east gate, right?” Jesse asked. “I’ll stay up and take watch there with someone through the night. If you’re in trouble, flash the lights or give us a visual, and we’ll come and get you.”

“Someone like Dina, maybe?” Eugene asked as they mounted their horses, making Jesse blush quite a sensational shade of red and sending him mumbling. Trying his best to keep his dignity, he kicked his horse into a trot and started away from them. Eugene chuckled before he sobered up and pointed at her. “Be careful.” She gave him a mock-salute and he rolled his eyes before he turned to catch up with Jesse. When he caught up, both kicked their horses into a gallop, quickly vanishing around the corner. With an uneasy sigh, she grabbed Apollo by the reigns and led him inside the entry hallway. Let   ’s do this.

[littlemisskookie]

Loveless: Chapter 4

Loveless: Index Ship: Reader | OT7 Description: Spy/Men in Black!AU | You worked at an institution that dealt with aliens- aliens that were the fictional creatures we were told were from fairy tales. The job entailed love only for it, and nothing else. That’d all change when a mission goes wrong. Warnings: Smut in next chapter, Nightmares, Angst, Death, Slight Gore descriptions, Violence, Comedy, Reader says yeet ironically Word Count: 5,115

Tonight was the night that Jeon Jungkook would die.

Tonight was the night when Agent Z would be born.

Tonight would be etched into his brain for the rest of his short life.

Jungkook watched in the rain as his house went up in flames, knowing all of his pets and family was out. They'd have enough insurance to replace everything, and anything truly of value, personal or financial, was in a fire-proof safe in the basement.

He would be the only one who didn't make it out of the fire.

It was perfect, really. A gas leak would've come about, and Jungkook was in the house when the stove came on. However, the police would figure that bit out was up to them. Jungkook wouldn't have to deal with any of the consequences. How could they question a dead man?

It was foolproof. Jungkook still didn't know how they managed to make a replica of his skeleton, even making it where the DNA would match. Bits and fragments of bone, more accurately, were left at the scene. After all, no matter how hot, usually there would be bits and pieces of bone that were left uncremated, refusing to melt away along with the flesh. There would be no hope for the family to see their son once again.

Paramedics, firefighters, police, and people from all around the town surrounded the house as it slowly began to crumble, falling apart as it made its way to becoming ash. Jungkook could hear his own mother's screams among the chaos, yelling for her son, praying that he had gotten out. After all, they had yet to go in and search for the fake corpse.

Jungkook only wore a blank stare, his suit sticking to his skin as it poured heavily, the rain still refusing to douse the house of its flames. He soaked in the feeling, committing the feeling of the rain pounding on his shoulders and head to memory.

He knew, though. Sure, his family would weep for his loss, but more likely the town wouldn't grieve. Word would get around about his underground boxing, and even fewer knew about his dealings in the black market. They always assumed his strict family was what drove him to his delinquent ways, from his tattoos or many ear piercings or whatnot. But they couldn't blame anyone for this. It'd be labeled as an accident. The most they'd be able to say would be, "Good riddance."

He choked down tears, a lump still prevalent in his throat.

Suddenly he felt none of it and looked over to see you on your tippy-toes, holding an umbrella high above your head in an attempt to shield him from the pouring rain. "Agent Z?"

"Oh. Agent Q..." He should've figured his tutor would be here to make sure that the job was done. That he didn't fuck this up the way he had in his past.

What you said next surprised him, though.

"It's not too late, you know." You look up to him, a sincere look on your face. He couldn't tell, though. He'd believe anything you wanted him to believe, your specialty after all. "I mean, I won't blame you. Lots of agents wish they had. You can come out there unscathed. No way they can get in the building to check. You can hide the fake body easily."

"Is this a test to see if I'm loyal or not?" Jungkook questioned, skeptical.

You shook your head. "No. As I said, this is what most agents regret: leaving their family behind. I just don't want you to regret your decision. We always make this decision when we're young and dumb, hating our family because of our restrictions. What you want may change in the future as you mature. I know no one would blame you. I most certainly wouldn't."

Jungkook thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "No, I'm sure about this. There's not much I can offer other than disappointment and criminal records. At least in the EAA, I can serve the world. Do something positive for a change. I know it'd do a lot of good for my family, too. I'm better forgotten."

"I don't think you'll be forgotten, Agent Z. There wouldn't be so many people here if you hadn't made some sort of impact."

"You know how people are. They stick their noses into other people's business."

"Perhaps. But human nature is what makes us human, isn't it? I like to see them as small quirks of our species. You'll come to learn how many others lack curiosity."

"What about you? How was it when you went through this stage of initiation."

You let out a huff of air, thinking about it for a moment.

"It wasn't easy, to tell you the truth. I definitely regretted my decision for a bit after. I had faked my death through the agency I was a part of. They got a message that I had served my country well as a spy or whatnot, not that it made it any better. My parents ended up splitting after my death. Seeing each other reminded them too much of me, apparently. But it got better. I still see them, even if they don't see me. My mom remarried and is pregnant, and my dad is traveling in Europe. Both seem to be really happy, and that's all that really matters in the end. They miss me... visit my grave on every anniversary. I like listening to what they have to say. It helps me move forward to do what I do. Who knows? Maybe I'll disguise myself as a babysitter and tell my little brother tales of fictional creatures and the spies who ran with them."

Jungkook took in that piece of information, looking over to his mother, who still drowned in her sorrows. His father's arms wrapped around her as she wept, burying herself into him as she could no longer bear to look at the fire. He wondered what would happen to them if they'd end up finding happiness even after his death.

"So why'd you join?"

You smile a bit at that, chuckling to yourself as though it were an inside joke. "That's a personal question, kid. Ask me once we're closer and you're done with your training. There are some other agents here who don't even disclose that kind of information. Like Agent C? I'm pretty sure that guy has at least five families. Wouldn't be surprised. He'll fuck anything on two legs."

Jungkook couldn't help but laugh at that, feeling a bit more at ease. "Does every agent have a dark back story?"

"Most, but not all. Stories like those are to be earned."

"You promise you'll tell me yours?"

You smile. "I promise, kiddo. Though I'm sure you'll find it rather disappointing. Agent A and D have the most interesting stories in my opinion, though those are from the ones I know."

There's a moment of silence between you two. You simply stare at the scene before you. Jungkook didn't know if this would end up being the last memory of his family. He'd have to treat it like it was.

Your hand wrapped around his, fingers woven as you squeezed his palm. "They'll be ok. One way or another. They aren't right now, and might not be for a long time, but that's ok. Without moment like these, we won't have anything to compare the truly good things in life to. The highs and lows are what give our lives character and depth. A life that was filled with nothing but happiness holds no meaning."

"Those are wise words. Perhaps you should've been a writer," he comments.

You simply snort at that. "Put me on a holiday greeting card, why don't you? But seriously, don't worry. You'll always have a family. This one and the one at the EAA. We've all gone through the same thing, and we can all sympathize and support you throughout this process. No one said it was going to be easy, and truth be told this is the hardest part of the job."

"I hardly know the people at the EAA, though. I've barely begun to get to know you."

"I'm simple, there's not much to me. What you see is what you get," you smile. "And the guys- the higher up agents- have a bit of a soft spot for you. Don't tell them I said that, though. I guess they see something in you that they see in themselves- you know, behind that buff baby exterior."

Jungkook genuinely laughs at that, and you pull at his hand, gesturing for him to move with you. "Come on, you shouldn't stay out here too long. Might catch a cold or something."

Jungkook got what you meant. It'd shatter him further, whether or not he cared to admit it, to stick around for much longer. And so he let you drag him along as you shoved the umbrella into his hand, dragging him to a local coffee shop.

To your surprise, he got some grande peppermint frappuccino.

To his surprise, you took it straight black. "Like my soul," you cheesily joked.

Jungkook didn't know why that memory came to his mind at a time like this. Was it because it was the first time he felt truly loved? Not unconditionally, but with genuine care? Affection that wasn't obligated or used to benefit one's own purposes?

He couldn't help but think back to the woman that night. How different she seemed from the near-corpse on the hospital bed.

"Are you just going to stare at her? Let's get moving!" Yoongi hissed, head poking out from the vent.

Jungkook snapped out of it, quickly getting you out of your bindings and lifting you into his arms. He tried not to think about how light you were, instead turning to Seokjin, who laced his fingers together and bent down. Jungkook jumped on his hands, getting boosted up into the vents with Yoongi. Seokjin managed to climb his way up after.

You began to stir from your sleep. "Is it time for shots already?"

"It's not 5 PM here yet, Agent Q," Yoongi snipped, already leading the way through the tunnels. "We can celebrate once we get you out of here."

"My knight in shining armor," you say sarcastically, still groggy as you try to bring your wits together.

"You'll thank me once you're awake. Let's get going, nuisance," Yoongi grumbled, making a quick left, navigating the system quickly as Jungkook followed. Yoongi must've spent days memorizing the interior of the ventilation system.

It's only after a few dozen turns that you stop at a vent, Yoongi quickly undoing the

"Why isn't the security system going off?" you questioned, blinking to get used to the new lighting.

"Agent B's hacked into the mainframe and the system will be down for about five minutes before it reboots. Sort of the reason we're in a rush," Jin mentions.

"You always rush things, don't you?" you reply, a snarky tone as you chuckle to yourself.

Jin merely rolled his eyes. "Who would've guessed that you'd find a way to insult me even when you're out of it?"

"I try my best."

"I've got it," Yoongi says, moving the scrap of metal to the side to reveal the hole. "Jimin, Hoseok, you down there?"

"Yeah. Hurry up, time's ticking," Hoseok reminds the group.

Jungkook places you down near the hole. "Hoseok and Jimin will catch you, just ju-"

"YEET!" you shout, slipping through the hole into the awaiting arms.

"Did she really have to do that?" Jin questioned, rolling his eyes.

"She wants to relate to the youngin's, I believe," Yoongi sighs, slipping down as well. Jungkook follows, as well as Jin's.

The moment Jin lands, however, sirens go off, lights flashing as lockdown prepares. You could already hear the sounds of footsteps from down the hall, ready to doom you all. The loud blaring of the sirens gave you a headache already, ringing in your ears as everything before you was illuminated in the same shade of red.

Code black. Code black. Code black.

Hoseok tosses you a gun, looking over to Jungkook. "Agent Z, you'll have to carry her on your back."

"On it," he immediately, hoisting you up as he holds onto you with security and strength.

"What's the plan?" you question, cocking your gun as everyone takes aim.

"Complicated. Kill anyone who isn't us," Jimin replies.

It's at that moment when aliens and humans alike flock the sides, blocking the exits. Your team moves as one, killing one enemy after another while diverting the bullets. Even when half awake, you had better aim than them, even managing to get a bullet through two skulls with a clear shot. You weren't getting as many kills as Hoseok, but you weren't one of the top agents for a reason.

Damn, I'm good.

Yoongi tosses you another weapon the moment you hear the familiar click. You catch it in one hand with ease, recognizing it as one of the handheld lasers. One of the best weapons save for what little juice it runs on. You had two options- shoot beams at the enemy with precision, perhaps ten shots at best, making you the most legendary player at laser tag, or sweep through them for a solid two seconds, cutting many in half and drilling the beam even into the wall behind them.

You choose the second, immune to the screams of agony.

Despite how your life was in mortal peril, with every bullet that whips your hair behind your face or the fact you were in a weaker state, your heart rate doesn't do so much as accelerate. Sure, there was comfort knowing that the others were with you, but truth be told you had learned to suppress adrenaline long ago. Sure, it enhanced ability, but after becoming so used to these sorts of situations, always moments from death, you were desensitized. Besides, adrenaline could make it hard to focus, or more accurately hyperfocus on simple survival. As a spy, you had to focus on a million things at once.

And one of the things you had to focus on was the man beneath you.

Jungkook did well to dodge the bullets, making sure to block you from the onslaught of ammunition as well as avoid jostling you around. You held up well, though, gripping on tightly to him as you swung your weapon to aim at another agent.

"Ah, fuck," Jungkook hissed, crumpling on one knee beneath you.

"Agent Z? Agent Z are you ok?"

"Just shot just- fuck, keep shooting," he grunted, pressing your body closer to his as he tried to rise again on both feet, though he was shaky in the process.

You cursed under your breath, cursing yourself for not being more useful in the situation, what with your weakened state.

"Dammit, Agent S! I really liked her," you hiss under your breath, eyeing one of the corpses on the ground as your group made for one of the cleared exits.

"I didn't. Bitch kept stealing the brownies I packed for lunch," Seokjin grunted.

"C'mon, we've killed about ten out of fifteen out there. Who knows how many more are on their way," Hoseok commented, covering the group as he hid behind a corner, reloading as quickly as he could. "I'll cover and meet up. Jimin, you'll have to carry Agent Q to the van. Jungkook's injured and Jin will have to take care of him for the time being. We'll slow them down for you until we can meet up."

"Yoongi comes along as well, then," Jimin says, quick to get you off Jungkook's back and into his own arms as Yoongi runs along with the two of you. "Yoongi, cover me for the time being. You too, Y/N, even if you're a bit injured."

You didn't need to be told twice, but still, you were uneasy. "We aren't leaving them there, are we?"

"They'll catch up."

You had no choice but to let Jimin carry you off, remaining in his arms as you took aim at potential threats. Yoongi did most of it, though, as stealthy as could be as he shot down whatever was in range. It wasn't long until you stood at the front doors, barricaded in advance.

The sirens were giving you a headache.

Code black. Code black. Code black.

Agent gone rogue. The most dangerous kind.

In this case, it was eight.

Jimin placed you on the ground, helping Yoongi with the code box near the entrance in order to get you through the barricades. Yoongi was busy yanking out wires, trying to rearrange them, while Jimin was getting out the different tools that were brought.

"Fuck, I hear some coming already," Jimin hisses. "How much time do we need?"

"Give me thirty seconds- it won't last long though. Perhaps ten seconds for it to open before someone gets it to close again. No doubt someone's back in the mainframe trying to prevent us from wrecking their shit," Yoongi replied.

You try to right yourself up, feeling an ache in your body as you brought the gun up. You felt so drained, but you had to push through. For them. You couldn't have them waste all of this effort only to be met with failure.

"I'll cover you two," you grunt.

"Y/N, when it opens you'll have to crawl underneath as soon as it opens enough. We won't be able to follow but Namjoon and Taehyung will be waiting in a car outside to take you. You'll have to tell him where you want to go, we know you'll figure it out. We'll meet you there once we're in the clear and escape the agency."

Your eyes bug out. "You're not coming with me?"

Jimin frowns, "Agent B and V will be with you. You're in safe hands."

"I don't want to leave-"

"Stop worrying about us for once and hurry, it's about to open in five seconds. Also to your left."

You turn to the left, immediately sending a bullet between the brows of the enemy at hand, attempting to sneak past and catch you by surprise. At that moment the barricade creaks, the metal groaning as it lifts. You follow orders, rolling under, and the moment you're outside it closes behind you.

You still weren't out of the clear, though.

You hid in the bushes, crawling through and trying to spot where Namjoon was. Your getaway driver was nowhere to be seen, however. Right when you were considering just making a run for it on your own two feet you feel someone bump into you. A hand is placed over your mouth, and you're barely able to make out Taehyung's face.

"C'mon, let's bounce."

"Are you sure you're just twenty-three?"

You hurry to an old, discreet car that was hidden in plain sight- a crowded parking lot. It was inconspicuous, a worn-down Kia, the kind a suburban mom would drive. It's when you hop in that you recognize all of the usuals- secret compartments to hide weapons both human and alien. Namjoon takes off, the sirens sounding off even outside, and other cars making their way out. Before you knew it you were speeding off.

"Agent Q, I need you to tell me one of the CIA rooms from your time. Any information you have."

Ah, that's right. The CIA had multiple rooms that were rented year-round, prepared with anything a typical spy would need. Predesigned disguises that did nothing to flatter and everything to blend, secret compartments filled with bombs, guns, and poisons, and etc. They typically didn't change the rooms, only required once someone or one of the maids accidentally stumbled upon the true purpose.

You tried to remember one of the bigger apartments, spitting out the location and room number. Thank god for the flashcards you had used when you were younger.

Namjoon put the digits into the GPS, the phasers beneath the car starting as the wheels were swiped out, and before you knew it you were floating in the car-turned-hovercraft. You wondered if Namjoon would be able to handle this. After all, he was rather prone to motion sickness. Still, he seemed to be in control, hyperfocused when it came to navigating it, making sure no other hovercrafts had caught wind of your direction in hopes of tracking you down. You had no doubt the others had dismantled any tracking devices from it, as well as stocked it with the various amounts of food, weapons, and first aid kits that were hidden in the secret compartments.

"Agent Z's injured. Got shot," you murmur, lips pressed tightly together in frustration.

"Is Jin still in there?" Taehyung questioned.

"Yes."

"Then he'll be fine. Jin will patch him up in no time. His specialty, after all."

"Hoseok was covering them."

"Gives them more time. I saw him kill ten men with one bullet, you know."

"Jimin and Yoongi were left at the entrance."

"I'm not worried about them. Yoongi scares the dickens out of everyone," Namjoon chimed in, chuckling.

Still, you were slowly getting more irritated. "Shouldn't we be going back to get them? We can't leave them there. They'll get killed."

"They aren't the top agents for no reason, Y/N," Taehyung assured you. "I'd like to see them try. The guys are practically invincible."

"Still, they need help-"

"No. We all agreed on this plan. They'll meet us at the hotel room anyway. Once we land I'll inform all of them. They'll only be able to receive it once they're in the clear, so we don't have to worry about someone finding it if they're kidnapped or killed."

"You can't possibly say that," you say, flabberghasted at Namjoon's methodical approach. "We can't abandon them! The sooner we help the faster it'll go."

"I can assure you we've got it under control. You're our priority."

"Why?" You blurt the question out, anger and venom now lacing your tone. There's a hush in the hovercraft, save for the low hum of the engine and phasers beneath.

Taehyung cuts through the silence, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You mean too much to us. We couldn't live with ourselves knowing you were stuck in a lab being tortured every day because of our mistakes."

"It wasn't your fault, though. It was mine," you admit. "If not then it couldn't have been prevented. If you have to blame anyone, blame Jashwi."

"We do blame her, but when you think back we all found something we could've done differently. There was no guarantee it would've changed the course of events, but there was a possibility," Namjoon sighs.

"I don't want the rest of you to pay for it either, then."

"We won't," Taehyung assures you, squeezing your shoulder a bit tighter for comfort. "We planned all of this as quickly as possible, but it was efficient. We've got you out, don't we?"

"You should've left me there."

"No. Don't even think like that," Namjoon scolds. "To us you mean... Look, forget even thinking like that. We wouldn't have stopped until you were out of harm's way from the EAA, and we'll continue to do so."

"Aren't you going to do the same for the others left in the building then?" you huff, infuriated.

"They agreed to this and know what they have to do to get out. So far everything's been going according to plan."

"Jungkook's been shot!"

"He's been through worse," Taehyung reminds you.

You couldn't argue with that.

Still, tears well up in your eyes. "You don't get it, do you? We have to go back. We have to save them. We have..."

"Agent Q?" Taehyung's eyes showed both surprise and sympathy as you broke down, tears streaming down your face. "Y/N?"

"I can't leave them. I can't leave you guys. I don't want you guys to feel the way I did down there. Cold. Alone. So, so alone. I thought you guys had left me down there for good. I thought you were done with me and figured I wasn't worth the trouble. I thought you had forgotten about me and didn't care and you were going to let me rot down there with the needles and the dark and-"

Taehyung wrapped you in an embrace, petting your hair as you broke down into chokes and sobs, shaking in his arms. None of them had ever seen you this frazzled. Namjoon wished he could console you as well, wrap his arms around you and protect you from the world. Unfortunately, his hands had to remain on the steering wheel.

"Shh, shh, it's ok. We won't leave them, ok? We'll go back once you're safe. If they're in trouble we won't hesitate to rescue them," Taehyung assures you, holding you securely and tightly against his chest, placing his chin on top of your head. You breathed in his scent, the cologne helping calm you down once you were reduced to mere sniffles. "You're not alone anymore, ok? We're here. All seven of us. We aren't letting you go again. You're safe now, you've got us. We aren't leaving you, and we never will, you hear me?"

"B-But-"

"We never left you, Y/N. We had been searching and the minute we found you we began planning. We couldn't forget you if we tried- we couldn't live with ourselves," Namjoon assures you from the front of the car.

"Y-Y-You just feel guilty..."

"No, not just that. We love you, ok? All of us."

You weren't able to truly process his words, however, the crying effectively lulling you into a deep sleep.

You wake up in a cold sweat, your breathing accelerated as well as heart rate. You scramble, your nails scratching and searching for whatever was near, only to find sheets. It feels good to wake up without bindings, but still, you're frazzled, tormented in your slumber with images of your colleagues dead in the agency's halls, their blood coating the floor, spilling around them. Abandoned just as you thought you were.

You clawed at your hair, feeling how lifeless it was as you dragged your nails over it and to your face, feeling the protruding bones that threatened to cut your skeletal fingers. You couldn't wipe away the images. Jungkook scrambling, dragging his body through his own and his friends' blood, inching away slowly. Hoseok's mouth filling with blood as he gagged on it, a bullet embedded in his throat. Jimin and Yoongi, crushed beneath the door in a feeble attempt to escape. Jin watching all of his friends die, knowing no number of bandages and medicine would be able to bring them back.

You couldn't stay alone in this room any longer.

You wander about, recognizing it as the apartment you had informed Namjoon and Taehyung about. You must've slept all the way through it. Based on the lack of light from behind the curtains, you assume it's still dead of night. Namjoon must've let you sleep through all of it, but it wasn't long enough, seeing how sleep still clung to your mind.

You open the door, surprised to see Taehyung there.

"Y/N? You should be sleeping."

"Oh, Agent V. Surprised to see you here. As for why I'm up I...I can't. It just... I want to but I can't." You press your lips together, clear that you don't want to elaborate any further.

Taehyung purses his lips, sympathetic. "Do you need company?"

"Yeah... Why are you up though?"

"Keeping watch until the others are back."

Your heart sinks. "They haven't returned?"

"No," Taehyung confirms, frowning. "It's not all bad, though. I'm sure they're on their way. Last I heard Jin had moved Jungkook someplace safer and had finished patching him up."

"How long ago was that?"

"About an hour after you fell asleep."

Your heart sunk even lower.

Taehyung offered a sympathetic hand, rubbing your shoulder in a feeble effort to console you. "I'm sure they'll be here within the hour, Agent Q. You can't give up hope. Look, Namjoon's sleeping in the bedroom down the hall, two doors to the right. He'll keep you company if you can't sleep. I'll be sure to tell you as soon as I get any more news, alright?"

You offer a weak smile, glad to have Taehyung by your side. You give him a hug, ignoring how his breath hitched at how frail you felt around him. Like dying ivy, straining to wrap around a tree trunk, stretching as far as possible for a sliver of light. "Thank you, Tae."

He coughs, his face a bit red. "Yeah, no problem."

You follow his directions, finding yourself at Namjoon's door. Once you're hovering over his bed you shake him lightly, seeing as he jolts upright. He must've been tired for him to have slept so heavily. You would've suspected he'd be wide awake the moment you opened the door.

"Agent Q? Is everything alright?" he questions, his voice low and gravely.

"Is it ok if I sleep here tonight? Next to you?" You go ahead with the question, not bothering to dance around it. Examining his perplexed expression, you continue. "I had a really... bad dream, needless to say. I just don't think I can handle being alone right now, what with the nightmares and the guys still out there and-"

"No, no it's ok, I get it. You're more than welcome to sleep next to me," Namjoon says, assuring you.

You let out a sigh of relief, climbing in once he lifts the covers, scooting to make room for you. "I think it's just been so long since I've had physical comfort, you know? Back in the lab, they weren't allowed to make skin on skin contact with me. Just rubber against my skin, what with their latex gloves. Hell, I think the last time I was held was when I still lived with my mother."

Namjoon chuckles at that, and you curl into his side, breathing in deeply in an effort to memorize the scent of him. He seems tense, unsure of what to do.

"I won't try anything funny, trust me," you assure him. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Like I said... it's just been a while since I've been physically close to anyone."

"I understand," he nods, offering his arm to tug you a bit closer. You're happy with it, resting your head on him as you feel his heat envelop you along with the sheets, a warm hug. "It's been a while since I've been close to anyone, admittedly," he confesses, his voice a whisper.

"Mhm," you hum, eyes drooping. You were already beginning to sleep again, and you could only hope it would be dreamless, uncorrupted. You wanted to see the faces of the men smiling, not in agony.

But you could only hope.

[douxreviews]

Cloak and Dagger - ‘White Lines’ Review

"Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag."

Have I ever mentioned before how much this show enjoys subverting our expectations?

Official spoiler warning on maximum, right up front. In a minute or two I'm going to talk about the big twist reveal at the very end of this episode. There is a monster at the end of this book.

You have to give them credit. When Cloak and Dagger decides to go with an unusual episode structure, they commit to it 100%. This week we got a variation on the kind of fragmented structure that normally gets associated with Tarantino, although my personal go-to association for this kind of thing is the movie Go.

Go, for those who haven't seen it, tells the story of a single night from four different characters perspective, reaching the end of the night with one character and then restarting the night back at the beginning with the same scene but following a different character from that scene onward. It's gimmicky, but when it works it really works. Go used it to explore the movie's themes by contrasting the characters' experiences. Tarantino usually uses it to disguise reveals that change our understanding of what we've already seen. This week's episode of Cloak and Dagger... seems to be just using it to disorient the viewer by presenting the end result of later sections before we have any context for them. This, admittedly, has the effect of putting the viewer in the same headspace as the character currently being followed, but all it really achieves is to make you repeatedly say, 'huh?' to yourself before each commercial break.

What I'm really saying is that in this specific case, this particular storytelling technique took more away from the episode than it contributed.

I really hate to say that, because 'too ambitiously experimental' is not a problem you come across in broadcast television terribly often, and I really, really don't want this to read like I'm discouraging it. And I can see what they were aiming for. They were attempting to use the episode structure to mirror the visual metaphor of the veve that was drawn at the crime scene, which is why the veve was the foundational image that we came back to the first two times. Every line of the veve, Auntie Chantelle tells us, has it's own independent meaning, coming together to form a symbolic whole. As thematic hooks for your episode structure go, that's not a bad starting point. The intention was that each section would have its own thematic vibe, all of which would together form the big reveal about Mayhem. Unfortunately, the independent sections weren't really about exploring theme, they were about plot reveals. They were structuring for Go, but plotting for Tarantino, and as a result the non-linear structure ended up being more confusing than revelatory.

Wow, that it a really pretentious way for me to say that the story being told would have worked better if they'd just told it in a straight line, even if that would have blown the reveal at the end.

Having overstated that, let's talk about the good stuff here, because there's lots of good stuff here. The way that they are leaning heavy into both Ty and Tandy not being over last season's finale is bold stuff. Instead of having them process what happened to them and starting a new story, the showrunners have instead made Ty and Tandy attempting to process what happened to them be the starting point of the new story. I like that. It feel more like storytelling and less like bookkeeping. So, while the scale of Tandy's victim-blaming that we see this week is a little startling, it feels like the natural development of her own anger at herself for not understanding her father as an abuser, and that just straight-up works as character growth. Similarly, Ty's growing realization that there aren't any simple fixes for the city's drug and gang problems, and that every attempt he makes at a simple solution instead makes the problem magnitudes worse are causing him to learn more about his powers in a way that feels like a mature response to his situation.

The character work for both of them has been so good in these first two episodes that I'm a little disappointed to see the season's actual plot starting to come into things.

Also in the 'good' column, I'm a bit surprised to find out that the season's plot is something separate from Mayhem's existence, but not nearly as surprised as I was by the reveal that Brigid and Mayhem are two separate people. That's a big change from the source material, and I have a million questions about it. Well played, show. It was particularly inspired the way the direction of this episode used our expectations of film language against us. We've all seen the 'good personality and bad personality of the antagonist argue with one another' sequence before, most notably with Gollum in The Two Towers and Willum Defoe's Norman Osborne in Sam Raime's Spider Man, so to use that same shot set-up, only to later reveal that they were really showing us what was literally happening and that there were actually two people there, was a great trick.

So, Mayhem is Bridgid, but is physically split apart from Brigid, a la Timothy Hutton in The Dark Half. Mayhem is distinguishable from Brigid by her sassier walk, her not being drunk all the time, and her bright green fingernail polish which is a little nod toward the character's look in the comics. I'm all in for wherever the Mayhem plot is going.

I'm not yet entirely invested in whatever is going on with the kidnapped girls and the private ambulance fleet, mostly because what little information we have about that situation was completely muddied by the plot structure jumping around. Are the drugging every girl they kidnap? Why did they shoot Mikayla full of heroin and then let her go? There's a slight implication that they let her go because she's white, but that doesn't make sense since she was kidnapped in broad daylight and the kidnappers would have probably noticed that right off the bat. I'm going to need more information before knowing how I feel about this plotline.

Bits and Pieces:

-- The two things that the pre-season publicity promised were that Ty and Tandy would power up and that Mayhem would arrive. We got both of those this week.

-- One of Dagger's big powers in the funnybooks is that her light knives clean drugs out of people's systems. I really thought they were going there when she was at Mikayla's bedside. Missed opportunity.

-- As long as we're on the subject, having people physically crawl inside Cloak before he teleports them away is a much cooler image than just having Ty hold on to them. Sadly, Ty holding on to them is a lot cheaper to do. I hope at least once this season we get to see the proper effect.

-- The veve made out of drugs with blood pooling next to it was a striking image. I have to confess that I have no idea if it was supposed to be cocaine or heroin or some other drug.

-- That was a lot of wind suddenly coming in from the hallway and then completely disappearing.

-- Ty has never been a more authentic teenage guy. Every single thing he said to apologize to Evita was completely the wrong thing to say.

-- Auntie Chantelle casting a veve to protect Ty from Evita's anger was laugh out loud funny.

-- It's nice how consistently respectful this show is to Voudon as a belief system. And Auntie's explanation of the benefits of prayer was lovely.

-- Andre's jazz career was ended by migraines. That was an unexpected character note. I was expecting the same cliched answer that Tandy was.

-- I'm hugely grateful that they made Lia the counselor a flawed human being whose first instinct toward Tandy was to lash out. Counselors are almost always shown as saintlike and flawless on television, for fear of your show appearing to criticize therapy as a process. I don't know a single therapist who doesn't appreciate being humanized.

-- This episode ended with a card for loveisrespect.org for those dealing with domestic abuse. I repeat it here, because it's important.

Quotes:

Ty: "People don’t choose to struggle Tandy. They don’t choose to hurt. Doing nothing is not a solution."

Tandy: "Maybe people don’t want to be saved."

Mikayla: "I told Jeremy that I’m in therapy, and how much it‘s helping me, and he said I absolutely need to keep working on myself. He totally supports it."

Tandy: "I lived in an abandoned church for years, and still somehow escaped unmolested by spirituality."

Woman: "I’m going to tell chief Duchamp about this outrageous behavior." Mayhem: "I’ll let you know when I give a shit."

Mayhem: "I’m a cop. I can be wherever I want."

Evita: "I came here to apologize. I mean, not for what I said, because I was right. On all of it."

I loved just about everything this episode was doing, but not so much the way it was attempting to do it.

Two and a half out of four cocaine veves.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[knowyourincantations]

Damned on Our Own Terms - Daphne/Pansy

For Femslash February 2019 Day 17, using the prompt from this list, ‘Damned’.

Mature | 1,300 words | Battle of Hogwarts, Changing Allegiances, Face Slapping, Fear, Hopelessness, Mentions of Dark Topics (such as: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied Forced Marriages, Implied/Referenced Homophobia) Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hopeful Ending, Background Blaise/Theo

An edit for this fic can be found here.

(AO3 Link | My Other FemslashFeb2019 works: AO3 | Tumblr)

Pansy paced the room. Above them, they could hear the muted sounds of battle. No one had come to fetch them after sending them down to the common room, and at this point it wasn’t likely anyone would. She had expected someone to give Potter up to end things fast, but she had clearly underestimated everyone’s resolve.

And she’d clearly made an incredibly stupid tactical error. She could only blame her own fears. It wasn’t even about hating Potter. No, it was just all too likely a battle in the castle would result in many of them being killed.

But if they were going to get killed anyway, she’d rather die fighting.

“We have to go up there and help,” she finally said.

Several of the others looked her way, but no one spoke. They didn’t even ask which side she meant to fight for. They probably thought they knew. Much like she had once thought she’d known. But Potter showing up so boldly and no one giving him up when he was vastly outnumbered? No, that changed things.

It took all those awful things they all pretended would end once the war ended and brought them front and centre. She was forced to examine it all and make a choice. She wasn’t going to cower in the dungeons until one side or the other won or the fighting spilled down to them. She’d already heard enough about the Dark Lord’s willingness to harm his own followers if it benefited him. It wouldn’t surprise her now if he brought the whole castle down on top of them just on the off chance it would kill Potter.

Everything had changed.

“We have to fight for Hogwarts,” she said more strongly, looking around, trying to catch as many eyes as she could. Draco wasn’t here, it was up to her to lead. And maybe it was better he wasn’t here, he was so beaten down now that she doubted he’d dare.

“We have to get up there and do something,” she repeated when still no one said anything. “We can’t just wait for it to end and not pick a side.”

“What does it matter anymore?” Daphne said numbly from where she leaned against the wall by the door. “We’re damned either way. If we fight for him and he loses, then we’ll be damned to Azkaban. If we fight for him and he wins, we’re damned as well. I can’t imagine any of us have failed to notice that more and more purebloods have been suffering too. If we fight for Potter and he loses, we’re dead. And if we fight for Potter and he wins, we’ll still be damned because of who we are. They won’t care that we helped in the end, they’ll just call us opportunistic and throw us in Azkaban with the rest. Face it, there’s no good option here and we have nothing to fight for now.”

The dungeon room echoed with the sound of a sharp slap. For good measure, Pansy slapped her again.

“Nothing to fight for?” she demanded. “You really believe that?”

Daphne held her face and looked at her with wide eyes. Even though it hurt Pansy to harm her, at least it had pulled her from her stupor. Pansy stepped closer and lowered her voice.

“You know what will happen if the Dark Lord wins. We’ll be married off to whoever he picks for us. We’ll be abused, you’ve heard the stories. You think they’ll stop at mudbloods? You think they’ve been limiting themselves thus far?”

With a sharp inhale, Daphne closed her eyes. One of those stories was about her mother, and Pansy regretted her words at once for causing her pain. But she couldn’t do this alone. She couldn’t walk out and fight on her own. And she couldn’t bear the future waiting for her if the Dark Lord won. Not now that she finally understood the truth of things.

“I’d rather die fighting for Potter than live in the world we all know is coming if the Dark Lord wins.” She looked around the room. Everyone appeared to be listening. This was her moment, and unlike that blunder in the Great Hall, she couldn’t screw this up. She couldn’t let fear control her like Draco had. “We’ve all been on the wrong end of their wands, and that was when they were still trying to get us to join them. What do you think will happen once they don’t need us anymore? Once the war is won? I’d say that the Dark Lord has shown his true colours now, and it’s nothing like what we were told.”

There was a low mutter and Pansy clenched her hands into fists by her sides.

“This castle is our home too,” she said. “A better home for more of us than we’d like to admit. We have to fight.”

She could see some people nodding, but many more were shaking their heads. It was a lost cause. And she wasn’t brave enough to go up there on her own.

In a last, desperate move, she turned to Daphne again and stepped closer, lowered her voice further.

“If the Dark Lord wins we will never be together,” she said softly. “We’ll be married off and then if they find out we were ever together, I don’t even want to image what they’d do to us. We’re just objects to them and they already think they own us. They’ve probably already picked out their brides, just waiting for the Dark Lord to hand us off to them.”

Daphne shuddered and shook her head. “I’m scared, Pansy,” she whispered.

Pansy took her hands. “Me too,” she admitted. “But I’m more scared of what will happen if we don’t fight now.”

Daphne gripped her hands tightly. “Potter’s lot will probably attack us as soon as they see us.”

That was probably true. Pansy looked around the room again. The others were starting to talk. The younger students were crying. No one was sure enough about the Dark Lord to feel confident in any outcome. But they didn’t look like they would ever fight. They’d never been taught to fight anything head on. Their usual tactics were useless now.

A thought came to her and she tugged at her tie. Once it was thrown to the ground, she tore off her robes until she was only wearing the clothes underneath that showed no house affiliation. Daphne caught on and surprised her by following suit.

Across the room, Blaise shouldered past some of the younger students and did the same before drawing his wand and nodding solemnly at her. Theo followed him, though he looked ready to faint.

“You’re right,” Blaise said to her, before looking at Theo and taking his hand. “About all of it.”

Theo seemed to grip his hand back so tight his knuckles went white. Pansy hadn’t intended for them to react to that message, that had really been for Daphne, but she’d take all the help she could get.

She turned back to Daphne and threw out all the rules she knew. She stepped close and kissed her. She kissed her like she might never kiss her again. For all she knew, she would never have another chance. Daphne clung to her and returned her desperation. When they parted, Daphne was crying and shaking, but she drew her wand and nodded to her.

“Damned on our own terms then?” she said with a wobbly voice.

Pansy took her other hand and turned to the door. “If we can’t live life on our own terms then what’s the point in living?”

With more determination than she thought she had, she blasted the door open.

Damned on their own terms sounded just about right.

[sockknitterporg]

I Was Adopted by Aliens: Chapter 7

Chapter Directory

I awoke to gentle knocking, and opened the door. I could smell fresh paint outside, it made me slightly nauseous. A four legged worker was outside, with a small device in their hands. I invited them in.

"This is a clock. Our day is about eighteen of your hours long. It begins at clock zero, which is the time of the sunset on the winter solstice and first day of the year."

I looked at the thing. It was ten progress bars stacked on top of each other. The bottom two seemed to be unmoving, the next few moved slowly, while the top few moved quickly.

"The bottom line represents the entire day. It's about halfway through," they said, pointing it out. "So it would be nearly dawn, or just after, if we were on the planet."

There were also marks painted above the bar to mark out its subdivisions.

"The next bar represents half that time, you can see it's very close to completely full."

"Wait wait, the day's half over, measured from sundown. Are you nocturnal?" I asked.

"Yes. Are you not?"

"No. I prefer the higher brightness lights, but I left them off for your sake." I could flip the lights on high when I needed them.

"I see. I will inform the Patriarch. Moving on, the next bar represents half of the second one. And so on. The fifth bar is closest to your hour, and the top one is our shortest unit of time outside of scientific settings that require more precision. Is this sufficient?"

I looked over the subdividing marks on the clock. It would be easiest if I could take my medicines at a routine time each day, preferably corresponding with waking and sleeping. If I slept for eight hours each day, that would give me ten hours awake each day. A healthy person would probably bemoan the missing six hours of wakefulness, but the chronic fatigue inside of me made it sound good. Maybe I'd even feel better on this schedule.

That just left my meds. "I need to ask the medical team about my medications, then."

I figured I'd ask later, but the worker cocked their head strangely. "This is Rose, speaking through the mind link. What do you need?"

I was stunned. "Hi, Rose. My medications are designed to be taken twice an Earth day. Can you make slightly smaller versions so I can take them twice in one of your days instead?"

"Why don't you just use the clock to figure out when you need to take them?"

"Several reasons," I answered, feeling slightly annoyed. "One, it would mean taking them at a different time each day. Two, I am having enough difficulty learning your clocks without trying to add converting back and forth between your time and Earth time. Three, I have memory problems and cognitive difficulties as a result of my genetic defect, and the odds of my miscalculating and missing taking my medicine or taking them too soon are really high. Four, humans benefit significantly from having an established routine. I would like to wake up, take my medications, go about my day, and take my medications before sleeping, as I'm accustomed to."

"I thought your species was highly adaptable?"

"We are. But the way we accomplish that is by only adapting to things that are unavoidable. There's no need to make things more complicated than absolutely necessary. If it's not possible for you to make smaller versions, then I'll have to figure it out. But if you can, it would be ideal."

"I see. I'll need a few hours to tinker with them, but I'll have your new medicine delivered to your room."

"Thank you, Rose," I said gratefully.

The worker stretched a bit. "I'm glad that was easy!" So they'd retained awareness of the conversation. "Tell me everything else you need," they said. "We'll do our best to provide it."

I tried to list everything I could think of, from toothbrush and floss to shoes, from notebooks to more knitting supplies. I tried to think of anything I might possibly need, sanitary supplies, hair ties, hair brushes, and more.

"I'll also need a way to contact someone if I need assistance," I added.

"What do you mean?"

"Were you the one who found me during my flare?"

"No, but I am aware of it. Is that common for your species?"

"Not for the entire species, but for me, yes. If I need to use the toilet or take medicine or eat during a flare, I'll need help. And I won't be able to go find anyone."

"We could assign a worker to sit outside in case you need them."

"No, that... That's not an ideal solution, and I don't feel up to explaining why. I'd rather something like a telephone where I could speak with someone to explain what I need, or a button I could press that would notify someone to come here."

"We could make a simple button. We're still working on adapting a tablet to your visual wavelengths. The medical team wants to test your sight in a few days. Once we have a working tablet, you'll be able to use it for communication and learning our written language. We're already repainting all the ship's signs in purple for you. Even if you don't learn to read them properly, hopefully you'll be able to use them to guide you somewhat."

"Thank you. I'm... I can't believe you're going to so much trouble to make me comfortable here."

"You are part of our family now, for however long you have left."

That was ominous.

"Unless you know something I don't, I don't think I'll be dying any time soon." I folded my arms in annoyance, and if they thought I was frightened, maybe they'd explain.

"Robin said that you were nearing the end of your life cycle, that's all."

"No, I don't know where Robin got that idea from. I've got a bare minimum of thirty Earth years left, and more likely fifty or more."

They let out an awful noise. "But you said you were too old to get a new family?!"

Oh. I unfolded my arms and sighed. "Humans reach maturity and the end of our growth period at eighteen Earth years, but can live to be up to one hundred and ten Earth years. If your family dies before you reach maturity, in your first eighteen years, you get a new family. If your family dies after that time, you just... Live by yourself."

"But...but that could mean up to ninety two of your years alone!"

"Yes, it could."

It made that awful distressed noise again. "That's horrible!"

"It's normal for humans. We just... Adapt."

"But you save your adaptability for situations that are unavoidable. That is avoidable."

How best to explain. "Humans are...more territorial. If Mother were a human, she would know that I wasn't born of her, and possibly try to stop me from using resources that could go to the children she birthed. While we do have adoption, it's usually reserved for families that can't birth children at all. Also our families are much smaller, only a handful of individuals. Once reaching maturity, many will leave their families to start their own homes."

"It sounds like your parents are more like mentors than parents."

"Maybe. What do mentors do in your species?"

"Once a child is old enough to leave Mother, they are placed with one or two mentors, who will nurture them and teach them how to be an adult. Then, when the child is old enough to work as an adult, they join the rest of the family properly."

"And if you mentored a child, would you want to see that child be more successful than other children?"

They fidgeted nervously. "Somewhat, yes, although that is shameful to admit. But most mentors feel similarly. A child's success is a reflection of them."

I nodded. "But because you're all from the same family, you wouldn't sabotage another mentor to make your child look better. Or steal resources from them to give to your child."

They could see where this was going. "But human parents would do those things?"

"Yes. Not always, and as we've grown as a society, that happens less and less often."

"The less scarce resources are, the less you fight over them?"

"Exactly."

"Then why do you still have war now?"

I wasn't feeling up to answering. "It's complicated. Another time?"

"Yes. Are you hungry?"

"I am. I'd also like to have a small supply of food in here, to eat when I don't feel well enough to go get food or need a small snack at odd times."

"Don't worry about that. You'll have a button to press when you need help, and if you want to ask for food then do so."

"I would prefer to do some things for myself."

"Why?" The question was so open it surprised me.

These things - still hadn't asked a species name, damn my memory - had a family/colony structure that was based on cooperation and interdependence. They probably didn't have a concept of 'doing things for yourself', not the way humans did. As long as I helped out to the best of my ability, they were ready to throw the entire colony's resources at helping me.

"There's no sense wasting someone else's time for something I could do."

"It would be more trouble to get food storage into your room than it would to have someone get it for you. Unless this is a 'contingency plan'? Are you afraid of not having food?"

I sighed. "No, it's fine. I'll just ask."

They nodded. "And what about now? Do you want to come eat with everyone or do you want to eat here?"

"I'd like to come eat with everyone."

They nodded and held the door open for me. Outside of my room, I looked at the painting on my door. I couldn't make sense of the writing system, but something told me I was looking at pictographs rather than phonetic spelling. Especially when I saw, carefully reproduced, the man and woman from the Voyager's golden record. "What does this say?"

"This room is for Morgan, the human," they read. "See? Human," they said, pointing it out.

I laughed. "Yes, I see. What are your people called?"

"You can't say it. We can't say your words either, but when I say 'yellow sun bipeds', the translator knows I mean you and translates appropriately. That's also how we all 'remember' the human names you give us. We actually don't, but the translator does."

"I see. Then I'll call your people the Familions, which is a play on the word family, which seems to be the most important part of your culture, to me."

They waved their hand in what seemed to be a gesture of understanding. We walked along towards the main hallway.

"This ship must be huge. How far away are we going?"

"The main hallway has a -" technology I don't understand "-so you're never more than a short walk from where you want to go."

"I didn't understand much of that."

"The main hallway is circular and moves in a central shaft, so we walk down the hall while the hall moves inside the ship, and we arrive at the door to the dining room easily," they said, leading me into the dining room. "You're never more than a moment from anywhere."

If it was like an elevator, I didn't know how it could serve the entire ship without wait times, but apparently it worked.

The dining room was huge. Cavernous, even. The ceiling was painted black, and the walls were painted purple, though plain instead of the sparkling wallpaper. Mushrooms grew out of pots along the walls, and misters kept them hydrated.

Over a hundred Familions sat at tables throughout the area, and while I could see food being served at the back, many of them were gathered around the walls, simply grabbing mushrooms and eating them raw.

There was a small cooking area partitioned off, it looked recent and hurried. A few pots of mushrooms of a different type were growing in that section. A worker was making something as we walked up, and soon turned around to present me with something vaguely like mushroom risotto with a bowl of plum-like fruits on the side and a large glass of water.

"Don't share your food with anyone, and don't sit by the walls," they advised me, then started to clean up. Apparently I had my own kitchen due to the dietary differences. "I tried my best to make it taste good, let me know if you have any ideas."

"Thanks," I said, and took my tray to a central table. The worker escorting me went to get their own tray, and came to sit with me.

"Your diet is fascinating, in a horrifying way. No offence intended."

I laughed before tucking into my food. It wasn't that bad. Strange, mostly. "This is good, mostly. For having to figure me out from scratch, it's really good. I don't suppose you have salt?"

"Salt is corrosive. You eat it?"

"In very small amounts, yes. It's beneficial in small amounts, though large amounts cause trouble. It makes things taste better."

"I'll tell the medical team."

"Thanks." Out of things to say, we ate in silence. It was too late for children to be up, so it was quite peaceful. After dinner, I asked to be shown the way back to my room. I also asked for them to set my clock's alarm to wake me at clock zero the next day. I was going to start keeping a proper schedule starting in the morning.

[letsplaystarrysky]

Starry★Sky in Autumn -Hoshizuki- 9/23

The last day of holidays and again Tsukiko has been tasked with watching over the nurse’s office. You can tell she’s been there almost the whole time because when she lets herself in the place is still clean.

Tsukiko’s pretty sure no one will stop by for the whole day, so she settles in for a lazy afternoon of sitting around and working on her costume making.

Her mind wanders as she works. Since Mizushima-sensei came to Seigetsu Gakuen the mood and her relationship with the teachers has shifted, she can feel it. But there’s still that invisible door between her and adulthood that separates her from truly getting to know them. Is it really standing in her way or is she just not seeing what she needs to do to open it for herself? After all, she does feel like she’s grown closer to them…

Without any sign of an answer, she sits back and looks over her work. The costumes are almost done… oh wait, no, she made a mistake she sees now, and has to redo part of her sewing. It’s a nice little juxtaposition with how she has a ways to go yet before she can be considered a mature adult, as well as how she still has more steps and missteps to make before she can get closer to Hoshizuki-sensei as she would like.

Absorbed in her work, Tsukiko’s surprised when the bell rings to signal the school closing for the day. Neither Hoshizuki nor anyone else came that afternoon, just as she predicted. Tsukiko sadly shoulders her bag and gets ready to leave. It would have been nice to see him just a little…

Just as this thought runs through her mind the door opens…

“Oh, Yahisa. Were you just leaving? Sorry for calling you in on your holiday.”

Aw, look who showed up with perfect timing in his comfy perfect for napping in sweater?

She tells him not to worry about it, pausing to watch as he drops the stuff he was carrying and then drops himself into the chair with a heavy sigh. Does he have more work to do from now? He rolls his eyes to the side and gives a non committal answer she takes as a yes. That’s too bad. It is, so would she mind making him some tea before she leaves? She agrees and he gives her a small smile and a thanks.

As she makes tea, Tsukiko ponders if she should ask Hoshizuki what’s up with him and that phone call she overhead the other day… but before she can make a decision the door opens again and Mizushima sails in.

Wait, what’s he doing here? It’s his day off.

Mizushima: ugh. There’s nothing to do out in the boonies where we are.

Hoshizuki: So you came to the nurse’s office? You must really have a lot of spare time on your hands.

Mizushima protests that he came to see Tsukiko and Hoshizuki gives him a good frowning for it. For her part, Tsukiko tells Mizushima she’s too busy to amuse him today, maybe some other time.

This puts a smile back on Hoshizuki’s face. He teasingly points out to Mizushima that Tsukiko’s just gently turned him down. Mizushima rolls his eyes, doesn’t Kota-nii have some work to be doing?

Work that will never get done now that Haruki-sensei lets himself into the room. He’s just been helping some students paint decorations for the upcoming school festival. Okay, Hoshizuki sighs, but why is he here? Oh, oh yeah, Haruki reins himself in. The weather is so nice he decided to stop by and ask if Kotarou-sensei wanted to do some stargazing together.

Hoshizuki thinks this sounds like a pretty good idea, and Tsukiko wistfully voices how she wishes she could join them.

Without missing a beat Haruki says she’s welcome to join them. Stargazing is more fun with more people, after all.

Tsukiko is surprised and pleased to hear she can actually join them, and asks if Mizushima-sensei will come too. Mizushima never met a Tsukiko he could turn down, so he lazily says sure by way of making it sound like he has nothing better to do.

Hoshizuki shows his tsundere side and sighs, remarking that with Yahisa and Iku both there along with Naoshi, it’s bound to be a noisy round of stargazing.

Tell us how you really feel, Hoshizuki.

He does however add with a gentle smile that this is a nice way to repay Tsukiko for all the work she did for him over the holidays.

Up on the roof, the stars are out because night falls when the plot calls for it in these games. It’s a clear night, so the whole sky is full of stars. It’s the perfect conditions for stargazing. The four of them nerd out about the constellations and how many stars are visible to the naked eye. (taking into consideration half the full amount is always on the other side of the Earth, and stars nearer to the horizon are harder to see for various reasons, at any given time during the night you should be able to see roughly 3000 stars in the night sky give or take, and that’s assuming the writers’ research is correct. I’m just here for Hoshizuki-sensei, so I’m going to give them the benefit of a doubt and not google this one to check.)

The four of them lay down on the grass in the rooftop gardens and look up at the sky. Hoshizuki quietly comments that he’s been so busy lately, he hasn’t had time to stop and see the stars for awhile. Mizushima adds with a note of sadness that the three of them used to do it all the time.

Tsukiko hears this and wonders to herself. The “three of them”?

Hoshizuki-sensei, Mizushima-sensei, and...who? Haruki-sensei? She wants to ask, but when she looks over at the two, they both seem to be overcome with a sense of quiet grief, and she decides against it.

As if sensing the mood, Haruki makes a valiant effort at staying cheerful and offers to give Tsukiko a special lesson on the autumn sky. Halfway through, he starts to forget the name of the hero in the story behind the Pegasus constellation.

Hoshizuki dryly comments on how even someone so nerdy he became a teacher at a nerd school for nerds like Haruki forgot something about his chosen subject of nerddom.

Mizushima helpfully supplies the name of the hero; Perseus.

Hoshizuki: Wow, Iku, I’m surprised you remembered that.

Mizushima: Kota-nii, it may be hard to forget but I am still a student-teacher for the astronomy class.

Hoshizuki; lol, that you are

Tsukiko sits by and listens to the three teachers discuss the stars, happy to just be listening. When Mizushima mentions that this is something nice to do once in awhile, she wholeheartedly agrees. Haruki does too; making time to relax is important. He tells Tsukiko that once she’s an adult, she’ll understand how she’ll come to feel there’s never enough time to get everything done. Hoshizuki quietly adds that it’s true.

And there’s that divide between them again. Tsukiko can see that the three teachers before her all have their own thoughts and worries and regrets that she, who has not lived long enough to experience it for herself yet, could never understand. But she wants to understand…

Especially when it comes to a certain one of them…

Tsukiko works up the courage to look that person in the face…

That person is…

...a grown up but still somewhat childish student-teacher.

...a cheerful and energetic but still strict when he needs to be homeroom teacher.

...a school nurse who seems like he hasn’t a care in the world but sometimes looks sad.

Tsukiko moves over to sit next to Hoshizuki, and the moment he does he hands her his jacket. She must be feeling chilly, so wear it, he says. The moment she accepts her sneezes and in a panic she tries to give it back. She’ll feel bad if he gets sick because of her. But he insists.

“I brought it for you in the first place, anyway…”

Tsukiko: Hm? Sorry, did you say something?

Hoshizuki: No, just talking to myself. Never mind.

Tsukiko giggles and says okay fine. By the way, does he go stargazing often? Not so much recently, he answers, but he used to. He likes looking at the stars because he can forget all the bad things he doesn’t like to think about.

Oh? Is there something in particular he’d like to forget?

He sighs and puts his hand through his hair. Adults have a lot of things they’d like to forget, a lot of regrets, and a lot of sad moments that prevent them from moving forward...but she wouldn’t understand.

After a pause, Tsukiko asks if he means like a lost love.

He gives her one of his rare smiles…

“If only it were something like a lost love…”

Huh? What does that mean.

Hoshizuki resolutely tells her to make sure she finds a good man someday, someone who will love her and cherish her and accept her for who she is completely. But Tsukiko doesn’t want to talk about herself, she wants to know about Hoshizuki. Does he have someone who will do all that for him in his life? He answers by proudly stating that he’s perfectly fine on his own so no need to worry about that.

But doesn’t he get lonely?

He avoids the question by teasingly remarking that he’s fallen quite a ways if Yahisa of all people is that worried about him. He pats her head and she opts to silently seethe at him for this transgression today.

Not too long after this, Haruki notes the time and says they should get Tsukiko back to the dorm, before she catches cold or something. Hoshizuki agrees, adding that he’s really sleepy anyway. Mizushima thinks the night is young and Tsukiko agrees, she wants to stay out a little longer. The two adults in the group will hear none of it. It’s close to curfew and the stars will be there to observe another night.

Hoshizuki: No need to pout about it.

Tsukiko: I’m not pouting!

Hoshizuki: XD you totally are

Tsukiko huffs that she wanted to stargaze more with them and he gently promises that they can do this again sometime. Really? Sure, if he feels like it.

[moonprincess92]

A family can be 2 traumatised soldiers and their 30 kids (7)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 

Read on AO3 

Part 7

They almost had to start from scratch, in a way.

The rebel fleet didn’t have a set base anymore. After hopping from outpost to outpost, it became clear that the Empire was always following, never too far away. They needed to shake them before they could settle anywhere new, not to mention they’d been taken by surprise with the attack on Hoth. They didn’t have a new base already set up and waiting. The Alliance to Restore the Republic was a little shattered, a lot exhausted, and floating through space … but it was also hungry. It would get want it wanted, someday soon.

They had to believe it would. 

Jyn’s job had literally gone back to the bare basics: ensuring that these kids were getting the care that they needed. First, Jyn had to fight for real barracks, rather than sleeping in corridors. They were eventually put back on their initial transport, sleeping in the bunks there. There wasn’t enough room for any kind of work or training there, however, so Cassian had words with the other training officers and realised that the other recruits had a new training gym established on one of the larger frigates. It only took a little bullying from there to get Mothma to give them a room to use near it. Jyn thanked the Force every day that part of the evacuation plan was taking the datapads with them, since they were now their only resource left.

Still … they managed to create a routine as close as possible to the old one. Wake the kids up, get them on the shuttle and let Cassian fly them to the frigate. Eat breakfast in the small, hastily established mess hall, then class work in the morning, before physical training in the afternoons. Take them back to their transport. Do it all again tomorrow. Listen to the gossip that spread throughout the fleet and find out as much as possible …

It soon became common knowledge that Leia Organa was Missing in Action for a time after the battle of Hoth. Eventually, she returned with Luke Skywalker and a devastated expression. Jyn really hadn’t known Han Solo all that well, but she’d been able to count on him whenever she needed him, and his loss had certainly been a small blow, least of all to Vance.

The kid practically went into mourning. “I want to help find him!” he kept insisting to anyone who would listen, which usually meant Rivi, bless her. The amount of times Jyn had discovered he’d sneaked off to waylay poor Chewbacca again, she was ready to lock the kid inside his bunk if he didn’t cool it!

It wasn’t easy keeping the kids in line. They had all been shaken by the evacuation. A lot of them complained of nightmares and others were irritable from lack of sleep. Jyn ended up lowering the age of kids who received blaster training from 12 to 10, as it became more and more clear that the Empire was closing in. As the months dragged on in their new routine, she could sense something big was churning. More and more missions were being issued, while on the opposite end as well, their troops at all the outposts were being called in. They were gathering for something, a plan that the High Council wasn’t sharing, least of all to Jyn or Cassian.

“You’re kriffing insane,” she heard Cassian saying out in the hallway outside their new small classroom. With the kids more or less occupied, Jyn stole out the door to see Leia there, trying to defuse the argument that she had clearly not meant to start.

“Why is Leia insane?” Jyn asked.

“She wants to use the kids on a mission!” Cassian was so agitated, Jyn almost expected him to revert back to Festian.

“He’s right. Leia, you’re insane,” Jyn added.

Leia Organa, however, wasn’t backing down. Jyn honestly appreciated the woman. She admired her a lot, her persistence, strength, overall poise and leadership. She could command an entire room with ease, have anyone listening instantly and Jyn could appreciate those skills in someone, but with Solo gone, she’d noticed so was a lot of Leia’s presence. She just wasn’t … there anymore. Her mind was elsewhere, parsecs, planets or maybe even entire rims away; wherever Solo was, Leia was. The woman had drawn herself up, determined, as she said,

“Look, it’s very simple. There’s certain information that we’ve been trying to track, and we’ve managed to single out a diner on a planet called Salahar that’s popular with the local children. The workers there we believe have Intel vital to the Alliance, but if even our youngest looking field officers walk in there, they’re going to shut up tight. We don’t need all of the children, just a few to blend in–”

“Leia,” Jyn rubbed her eyes. “you know I trust you and your judgement, but I can see where this is going and I’m telling you now: it’s not going to happen.”

“They will not be in danger,” Leia reminded her patiently. “Of course they would have back up, our best Intelligence officers available. I assume that you have sufficiently trained them to be able to handle a mission such as this–”

“That’s not the point!” Jyn cried.

“They’re children,” Cassian placed a warning hand on her arm, before turning back to Leia. “just because we train them now doesn’t mean they’re ready. They’re not allowed to enlist until 18 for a reason–”

“So they’re allowed to learn these things,” Leia suddenly pointed out. “They’re allowed to act like a rebel, play pretend, but they’re not allowed to be one until we say so?”

“This is insane,” Jyn huffed.

“Jyn,” The professional persona suddenly dropped. Just for a second … but enough that it made her hesitate. Jyn glanced up as Leia said,

“Look, this has to do with finding Han … please. That’s all I’m asking you. Please.”

Jyn felt Cassian’s hand squeeze her elbow, and she didn’t even have to ask. They were already on the same page. If one of them had lost the other, if Cassian had still been out there, had never come home after the battle of Hoth, then Jyn would have stopped at nothing to find him as well. She should have known she would cave eventually.

One can never resist Leia Organa.

“Ok,” she finally said. “Ok … but on several conditions.”

“Name them.”

“You get three of them,” Jyn said. “No more, no less. We get to choose who.”

“And I get to go with them,” Cassian added.

Jyn almost laughed. “You mean I’m going with them.”

He turned to her then, about to argue, but Jyn ploughed on. “No, wait,” she insisted, the one to grab his arm this time. “Look, at first you were the officer who left. Then I went on that mission …” She flinched, remembering the mission that had technically been a success, but emotionally a disaster when she’d found out about Malia. “Then, I was the one who was left behind when you fought at Hoth. We can’t always both be here, so we’ll do this equally. It’s my turn.”

Leia watched their grim, determined expressions, before the tension visibly left her shoulders.

“I’ll schedule the briefing,” she said in thank you.

In the end, the three that Jyn and Cassian chose to go were Vance, Kady and Reno.

Vance had been almost mandatory. Once he found out that someone was going on a mission, word was going to spread that it was to do with finding Han Solo, and the kid would be crushed if he wasn’t chosen to go. Thankfully, he had the passion, guts and sheer determination that would at least add to the mission. Kady was also a natural choice. There were so many of their elder teens who would have also benefited from this opportunity, but while she had the skills, Kady still needed the confidence. It would be the perfect time for her to shine.

Reno, however, was the choice Jyn was probably regretting the most. Cassian had been the one to suggest, “Don’t laugh, but … what about Reno?” when they’d been deliberating their third choice and Jyn had laughed in his face. Their resident asshole, Reno was the kid who punched others for the hell of it. He was typically rude and unpleasant and Jyn loved him like one would love a disobedient pet: with irritation, frustration and grudging appreciation of the rare moments they could be cute and fluffy. Reno was honestly not a bad kid, but barely got the chance to show it from the amount of times he spent being red-carded. When Cassian had explained his reasons – this would give Reno a sense of purpose, a practical application of the skills he knew – Jyn had agreed at once.

Now that they were leaving, though, it was another matter entirely.

Leia wasn’t coming with them, though apparently she had wanted to. Apparently, she was needed to stay with the Council so it was Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian who were going to accompany her and the kids. Leia gave them the mission briefing before they took off and naturally, Jyn’s apprehension about bringing Reno had started then before they’d ever even gotten on board. While Vance and Kady had both sat up straight, absorbing everything carefully and taking it all in (and possibly way more seriously than the average 16 and 13-year-old usually would), Reno was the complete opposite. He and Kady were technically the same age, yet their mental maturity couldn’t have been further apart. Reno kicked back in his chair, purposefully banging the table the entire time. He constantly interrupted Leia, kept kicking Calrissian under the table and eventually, it was only Chewbacca growling at him that finally made him shut up and actually pay attention.

“He’ll be ok–” Cassian tried to reassure her in the frigate hangar.

“It’s not him I’m worried about!” Jyn said.

But Cassian just shook his head, hugging her tightly (much to the class’ immediate protest and teasing). There were a lot of unhappy kids who had all wanted the chance to go on a Real Mission as well, but Jyn was more than willing to leave them unsatisfied, yet safe back with the fleet as she, Vance, Kady and Reno boarded the shuttle (after apologising to Leia for Reno’s behaviour for the millionth time).

It took several days to reach their destination and let their mission play out. Jyn oversaw everything as the kids dressed in the local clothes and attempted to blend into the crowds of other teens and children who frequented the diner they were staking out. “Good lord, is this actually… working?” she muttered to Calrissian at one point, about three days into the stake out. She didn’t really know the man still, but he was someone to vent to at least as they observed from the shuttle. Jyn was linked to all three kids and they had an image thanks to the projectors they’d gotten Kady to install for them (“Smart girl, that one,” Calrissian had noted) and she had almost been certain that Reno was going to end up burning the entire thing with his obnoxious mouth.

Except… turns out that wasn’t how it was going down at all.

If anything, Vance and Kady were the ones who stood out amongst the crowds. Serious and observant, they hung back on the fringes of the kids who took over the diner. Reno, on the other hand, was naturally in the centre of everything, already having inserted himself into every social circle despite having been on this planet for only three days. He picked fights and he made kids laugh and with only a little prompting from Jyn in his ear, he had slowly managed to get the information they needed from the diner workers.

For once, Reno’s asshole personality was an asset.

“Who would’ve thought the kid had it in him?” Calrissian mused, sat in the seat on their shuttle next to her. He monitored the feed while Jyn scrolled through her datapad. She was half listening to Reno joke with his new buddies, half trying to find a saved document to do with the mission in amongst all the other crap that she and Cassian had apparently stored on this thing.

“I wouldn’t have,” Jyn said absently, still scrolling. “but maybe I should’ve–”

She suddenly cut herself off. 

Delving into yet another folder (they really needed to organise the shit saved on here), Jyn had suddenly caught sight of a document that made her heart stop. It was something saved under the name ‘Application for marriage licence0984.docx’ and when she opened it, it was exactly what it said on the tin.

This was… was…

“Erso!” Calrissian suddenly slammed a hand into her shoulder, jerking her out of the silent panic in her head. He gestured at the screen frantically where apparently, Vance and Kady were trying to stop Reno from punching someone’s head in.

“Oh, shit–”

She’d handle it later. 

She finally had time to actually think about it around three standard months later.

Despite a few minor scuffles and Vance accidentally getting punched in the face (“You look like the kid who got beat up for being a dork… it’s kinda hot,” Rivi had told him) the kids’ mission to Salahar was a success. Leia had personally thanked all three of them and Jyn had even hugged Reno once they were on route back home.

“I am so proud of you,” she had told him, arms holding on tight. “Don’t ever do it again, you little shit.”

He had grinned back. “Thanks, Jyn!”

But back at the rebel fleet, everything was a go. There was the constant movement, constant flitting throughout the galaxy, never able to settle anywhere longer than a couple weeks before their presence was ultimately detected, that any documents that Jyn may or may not have accidentally discovered got shoved back to the furthest parts of her mind. So focused they were on keeping the kids settled and restful after so many sudden and frequent changes, Jyn honestly didn’t have much time to think about it at all. There was an uneasiness creeping throughout the rebellion, a heavy vibe that was slowly seeping into everything and everyone it touched. Things didn’t look good for them. The Empire only grew stronger while their forces were scattered.

But eventually, Jyn hadn’t been able to take it much more. Whenever she was working on the datapad, she often found herself halfway to opening the document again, only to hastily shove it out of sight whenever someone ultimately interrupted her. Hell, she even considered just deleting the entire thing, but she didn’t want to tip Cassian off that she knew and for Force’s sake, how long had it been there? How long had that damn thing been sitting saved on their datapad, how long was it going to be before Cassian ever actually mentioned it?

She sat on the floor of their small classroom, surrounded by the teens all currently on their own projects. They chatted and researched while she slowly spiralled, staring at the document that she’d actually gone so far as to open this time.

Application for marriage licence0984.docx.

So far it was blank, the words blinking up at her as if to say well, are you going to fill me in any time soon or what? This wasn’t something they’d ever talked about. It wasn’t something Jyn had ever even considered before, to be quite honest! But… their ability to talk to each other certainly wasn’t as bad as when they’d first met anymore. She just didn’t understand why this had never actually come up before now. Why had he downloaded this without mentioning it? Did he think there was a chance she never wanted to be married someday? She might not have ever considered it before, but her fingers hovered over the screen, riding out he sudden urge to fill in her name and it was in that moment when she realised that yes, she actually did want it. 

Goddamn it. 

Always with one eye on her class, Jyn knew that they were all as engaged in their tasks as they were going to be. She suddenly and stiffly shot to her feet, tucking the datapad under her arm. “Just heading to the gym to ask Captain Andor something!” she called out.

“Wait, what?” Lahrin said as several others glanced at her weirdly.

Naturally, all of her teens started staring and piping up with all sorts of questions. She didn’t know how to answer them, so in the end Jyn just cut over all the noise with, “I’m going to the gym, don’t you guys dare follow me!” with the assurance that they would no doubt blatantly ignore her.

Her intuition was never wrong. When she strode out of the classroom, the teens practically threw themselves out the door after her.

She spotted Cassian straight away in the gym, currently leading the little kids through self-defence drills. However, he turned with a bemused expression upon seeing Jyn storming up to him, the pack of teenagers not-so-subtly following behind her like an entourage. Without any kind of preamble, should she lose her nerve, Jyn thrust the datapad into his face the second she was close enough.

“Were you ever going to bring this up?”

It only took seconds for him to realise what was happening.

“Oh.”

Jyn nodded, heart racing out of her chest.

Cassian rubbed his eyes. He was good at keeping a blank face, but she knew him well enough to sense the panic coming off him. He cursed in Festian, and Lyle giggle-gasped somewhere behind them. “I was going to – I mean – Jyn – how did you find that?”

“It wasn’t exactly hidden,” she pointed out. Shit, was her voice shaking?

“No,” Cassian sighed. “I guess it wasn’t. Kriffing hell. Jyn, I swear I didn’t want to bring it up like this, I was going to talk to you about it first because I don’t even know what your views are or what your culture even says about marriage, but–”

“Why didn’t you?” Jyn asked. “Cassian, I found it almost three months ago.”

“I know, I know–” he gripped the back of his neck, watching her desperately. “We’ve been busy.”

“I did go away on the mission with the kids.”

“And when you got back there was so much happening–”

“Do you want to talk about it still?”

He froze at the question. Around her, Jyn was vaguely aware of the kids hanging onto their every word. They were being vague, but hell even the young ones had picked up on the word ‘marriage’ and Jyn couldn’t stand to look at their excited, astonished, hopeful faces. Not when she still didn’t really know what was happening here. Hell, did she even want to talk about it?

Probably, judging from the way she had suddenly barged on in here and sprung this on him.

“Yes,” he said. “I mean, if you do.”

“Yes,” Jyn replied.

“I wasn’t going to bring it up like this,” he said. “Not – not here, in front of everyone else.”

“I don’t care,” Jyn said. She saw his fingers clench around the datapad that he still held as she ploughed on before she could lose her nerve, “Cassian, I didn’t realise it was something that I wanted until I saw the form. It was something I never even thought I could have until now but I’m glad I can because turns out I want it very, very much.”

Slowly, his face changed. A tiny measure of fear drained away and in its place rose something a little like hope. “I’m not – sure – how people ask in your culture?”

“Usually the man gets down on one knee,” Jyn explained. “It’s a bit traditional in my eyes and maybe a little sexist, but that’s how it goes. You?”

“One of us buys a gemstone of some kind and asks, it doesn’t usually matter who,” Cassian admitted. “We break it during the ceremony and each wear half. Sorry I haven't had a chance to buy you… but I can do this at least.”

He bent down onto one knee.

“For Force’s sake, Cassian–” Jyn huffed while around them, the kids all started whispering and hitting each other with barely contained glee. “I didn’t mean you had to do–”

“Jyn Erso, will you marry me?”

Shit.

She stared down at him on the floor of the training gym, in his stained fatigues and hopeful eyes. He probably wasn’t even going to be able to get back up again, he’d gone down on the leg that had always been slightly weaker ever since Scarif. This man was ridiculous and amazing and Jyn found herself shaking her head, laughing.

“Yes.”

Turns out marriages, according to the rebellion, were only useful when you needed to ensure that someone would be informed when you died.

They didn’t have a ceremony so much as they took an hour off at lunchtime to go before the High Council and fill in several documents together, getting a monotone, “Congratulations,” in return. It was all kind of underwhelming, quite honestly. Still, Jyn was feeling ridiculously sentimental and she held Cassian’s hand the entire walk back to class.

The second they walked back into the training gym, however, a blast of noise hit them.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” the kids screamed at them before bursting into cheers.

Jyn squeezed Cassian’s hand tight, taking in the sight. Apparently in the one hour they’d been away, the kids had somehow managed to deck the entire place out with decorations. They included a giant banner that hung between two target dummies (‘Jyn and Captain Andor – just married!’), hand-made streamers hanging from every inch of the walls and even a giant cake that Jyn honestly had no idea where it came from, but looked incredible. The kids stomped their feet, jumped up and down and genuinely yelled in delight for them. She ended up forcing herself not to cry as she noticed that even Leia and some of the other training soldiers had come to join the celebration.

“What the hell is all this?” Jyn asked, angrily swiping at her eyes.

“We knew you weren’t gonna get a real wedding, so we made one for you!” Jessa grinned, holding Bree who waved a streamer happily. “Congrats guys, we’re taking the afternoon off and partying instead!”

“Leia?” she added.

The woman looked tired – hell, she always looked tired these days – but she smiled, stepping forward and nodding. “Apparently they weren’t entirely sure who your friends were, so they invited me. Luke would have come as well, he sends his apologies, he’s currently flying a mission at the moment.”

She glanced through the crowd and noticed other familiar faces. Kes Dameron and Shara Bey held Poe and cheered, and even Chewbacca was there growling out what Jyn could only assume was a congratulations. She leapt forward to fling her arms around the closest kids she could reach.

The kids hadn’t been kidding. They had honestly planned an all out dance party in celebration, blasting music from the datapads and turning down the training gym lights. In the semi-darkness, a holonet app allowed them to project colourful, swirling lights that lit up their skin. They all danced, kids scream-singing the songs and laughing. Geron twirled little Charlee around in his arms. Kris and Lahrin twisted together. Ava was clinging to Leia’s hands, apparently determined to show the princess her favourite dance moves and they even made sure to turn the base up for Jade, so that she could feel it thudding in her chest.

Jyn had been swept up by Cassian several songs ago now and had been encased in his arms ever since. Her arms draped over his shoulders, swaying with him in the middle of the training mats. She was unable to look away from his face, occasionally swinging up onto her toes to press a kiss to his mouth for no particular reason. Jyn honestly couldn’t say if she’d ever felt this happy before. There were a lot of things still wrong in this universe, a lot of things she would change and a lot she wished to forget, but Cassian Andor was her husband now and Jyn was ready to spend the rest of her life stuck by his side. Occasionally, her mind would wander to her parents. She would wonder whether they’d be proud of her, or whether this was even something they’d actually wished for her someday… and she liked to think they were happy, wherever they were.

“I’ve been thinking,” Jyn said lightly over the music. “about how in Festian culture we should share a gemstone…”

“I already know where you’re going with this and no,” Cassian’s fingers flexed against her back. “Jyn, I’m not going to let you–”

“Too late,” Jyn blurted out. She reached down with one arm to tug at the cord around her neck. She pulled the necklace out, showing him the significantly smaller Kyber crystal she now wore, after having smashed a chunk off. “I got some of the guys in maintenance to help me out. Hold on–” She let go of her own necklace to dig in her pocket. Finally finding it, she pulled out the second necklace. The Kyber almost pulsed underneath the hologram lights, Cassian’s face melting into an expression she wasn’t sure she’d ever actually seen before. “I found the cord and got maintenance to help me thread the crystal. It’s yours, don’t even try and fight me–”

He suddenly kissed her. Long and fierce, it sent a thrill down to her toes until he pulled back slowly.

“Jyn,” His voice cracked. “By the stars, I’ll love you until the day I die.”

“Ew.”

He laughed, bending his head so that she could tie his necklace around him. Even though she’d never seen him wear anything like it in the past, seeing it resting against his collar looked like the most natural thing in the world.

“I guess I love you too,” Jyn shrugged. “Whatever.”

He shrugged with her, smiling. “Yeah, whatever.”

“Trina, hold still,” Jyn huffed, trying desperately not to pull too much.

“Are you SURE you know what you’re doing?” Trina teased, trying to glance up at her.

“Oi!” Jyn scoffed. “I’ve been braiding your hair for how long now? Keep your head STILL, otherwise I really will yank it all out.”

Trina giggled, but thankfully stayed still once more from where she was sat on the floor between Jyn’s knees. Her fingers were full of the now 10-year-old’s very curly, textured hair, hastily trying to braid it all once again so that it didn’t get in the way. It had been a part of their daily routine ever since Jyn had first forced herself to research how the hell to braid hair and these days, it was hard to believe that Trina was the same girl who had once scratched the hell out of her on her first day taking over training the kids.

Their small classroom was a little claustrophobic with everyone packed into the same space, but they made do the best they could. She and Cassian had quickly worked out that they were going to have to change the routine a little if they wanted any kind of working order here, so now the kids stayed the same while the teens swapped: they would train in the gym in the morning while the younger kids would have the classroom, for the two groups to then swap in the afternoon. While it meant less seeing each other throughout the day and less communication between the two groups of children, it was necessary to make things even slightly more manageable. Trina wasn’t even supposed to be in the gym yet, still young enough to be in Cassian’s class, but even though the man could braid hair just as well as she could (hell, maybe even better) Trina always insisted it had to be Jyn who did it. Simply no one else ‘did it right’.

Jyn was perfectly fine with that.

Keeping one eye on the teens sparring in the background, Jyn concentrated on the girl’s hair in front of her. “So how are things going, Trina?” she asked casually.

The girl just shrugged.

“That bad. Shit.”

Trina thankfully laughed as Jyn had hoped she would at the purposeful curse word. “Your wedding was super fun! I can’t wait till I get married. I'll get to eat cake until I puke!”

“That’s… really not the reason you should have a wedding, Trina,” Jyn pointed out. 

“Well, what is?”

Jyn tsked. “You have a wedding because you’ve found someone that you really, really like and they don’t judge you for eating cake off the floor.”

Trina thought about that for a moment. “So I should marry you, then.”

“Oh, I’m definitely judging you for the cake thing,” Jyn snorted. “Also I’m already married, so that’s a no-go. Unless you’re into that.”

“Into what?”

Great, she had just unintentionally opened up a conversation about polyamory. “Have I even given you the talk yet?” she asked, trying to peer down at the girl around her hair.

“Talk about what?”

“Remind me to do that later,” Jyn sighed. She continued braiding until she finished the first braid, tying it off quickly so that she could start on the next. The light-heartedness didn’t stay for long. Nothing really seemed to these days. The high after marrying Cassian had lasted less than she would have hoped. Not that she was regretting anything, it was more that there was just apparently no way to escape the almost near-constant anxiety that throbbed throughout the entire rebel fleet.

“Are you still having nightmares?” Jyn asked Trina, quietly.

The girl shrugged. “Yeah,” she admitted. “but loads of us are, it doesn’t matter really.”

Jyn’s heart sank. “What are you scared of?”

“I’m not scared.”

“Of course. But talk to me, Trina.”

She thought for a moment, giving Jyn time to observe Talek as he faced off against Kris. His form was tight, just like she had instructed him to work on. “I think ‘bout the Empire killing us all,” Trina said, quietly. “I dream ‘bout that.”

“Trina,” Jyn said firmly, combing through the ends of the second half of Trina’s hair with her fingers as she braided, separating out the strands of curls. “You know how to defend yourself. You know how to fight. And at the end of the day, Cassian and I will always protect you.”

“I know,” Trina said. “but like, everyone’s talking about the rumours and stupid Fliss thinks she knows everything because her dad’s on the council!”

“Hey! Kind words,” Jyn scolded. “You don’t have to like Fliss, but you do need to be respectful.”

“WHATEVER,” Trina rolled her eyes.

“But putting that aside … what rumours are spreading around?”

“We’ve all heard about it,” Trina answered tentatively. “That the Empire’s making a huge superweapon, that they’re calling it another Death Star or something …”

Jyn’s fingers froze mid-braid.

The entire rebel fleet had been talking of nothing but. However, there were so many rumours, so many wild stories spreading and speculating that Jyn hadn’t quite known what to believe. Nothing was being confirmed, Mothma was refusing to tell them anything, so she had lain down to sleep every night the last month or so holding Cassian too tight and praying that they were all wrong. She hadn’t realised that the rumours had even reached the kids’ ears. While they might be young, they were smart and a lot of them could remember the original Death Star. They knew what all of this could mean for them.

No wonder Trina was still having nightmares.

Her brain was literally screaming at her, but Jyn forced herself to hold off her racing heart until she had finished tying off Trina’s last braid. “Hey, all done,” she said probably a bit too brightly, but Trina still smiled and leapt up to hug her being none the wiser.

“THANKS, JYN!” she said. “Love you!”

Her throat was quite literally stuck. Jyn could only hug Trina tighter.

Thankfully, it was after class hours when they finally got the call.

“What the hell is …?” Jyn found herself whining, jerking unceremoniously out of sleep. She could feel Cassian stirring next to her, see the glare of the commlink that he was picking up from the bedside table. “What time is it? What’s going on?” she murmured, rubbing her eyes.

“It’s the council,” Cassian explained, reading the message. “They’re … they’re holding an emergency meeting for generals and other higher ups. But they want us both to come too.”

“What, now?” Jyn asked incredulously, becoming more and more awake by the minute.

“Now,” Cassian nodded.

“But the kids …?”

“They’re asleep,” Cassian said. He turned his head to face her then, and her stomach plummeted at the look on it. “and Jyn … we both have to know what this is about. 

No. She wouldn’t believe it. She would refuse to believe it. She kept her face     as straight as a rock when they finally dragged themselves out of bed and     made their way to the conference room. For the amount of people who had     been dragged there from their beds in the middle of the night, it sure was     silent. Jyn almost thought their footsteps were echoing. Jyn saw Leia huddled next to Luke Skywalker, a grim expression on her face while Mothma, who was completely dressed despite the late hour, stood waiting at the head of the room. Everyone they passed as she and Cassian moved to find a seat watched them with barely concealed sympathy and anger for them. It was clear that this information was still was above their ranks, but that the two of them had been invited out of curtesy.

When Mothma informed the entire room that they could officially confirm the existence of a second Death Star, Jyn had gotten up and simply walked out.  

She heard the mutterings and open outcries from the others, but she couldn’t let herself think of anything else other than get away, get away, get away. Everything was for nothing. Her father’s legacy, Rogue One’s sacrifice, hers and Cassian’s health and mental states, all the trauma and suffering that they’d put themselves through, all of it was for fucking nothing. She might as well be dead, for all the good she had done –

“Jyn.”

The voice sounded faraway and tinny in her head, but suddenly his hand was catching her arm, spinning her around. Cassian looked anguished, like he’d been stabbed. It was only then that Jyn realised that she’d been crying and for Force’s sake, she couldn’t do this here. Not with the higher ups still up in arms just down the corridor. She burst into the nearest unlocked room available, which happened to be a control centre for the frigate. Nothing ever really powered down for good here, but the navigators and screens all hummed in the background as Jyn found the edge of a console. She stared at her white knuckles as she gripped it. Her temple behind her eyes was throbbing and she’d done this all before, she’d already survived this, she couldn’t do it again, she couldn’t –

“What …” she gasped. “what did we do to deserve this?”

Cassian was silent. She knew he was still there. He wouldn’t ever be far from her after hearing this. She could feel his tall, lean body just behind her, fists clenched with anger simmering just under the surface.

“I don’t know.”

She nodded, back still to him.

“What do we do?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” She could hear the anger wavering in his voice. She wanted to turn around and throw herself into his arms, but she also kind of wanted to break something and she wasn’t sure if she could trust herself to touch anything right now. She felt his hand reach out and graze her shoulder, but she violently shrugged him off.

He was silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” she eventually said. “but I think I need to be alone for a while.”

She could tell it was the last thing he wanted, but he let her go regardless.

She wasn’t doing so well

Jyn was honestly was trying to keep it together. For every part of her that wanted to just completely emotionally check out and revert back to her old self-preservation tactics of evade and hide, there were more parts that reminded her that she had a husband and the kids to think about now. She wasn’t that abandoned teenager who could deal with her issues by retreating into herself anymore. This was bigger than her, bigger than all of them, and if she wanted to survive (goddamn it, they needed to survive) she had to keep it the HELL together.

It wasn’t easy, though. “Everything feels pointless,” she whispered once out in the corridor outside their classroom. The older kids were still left back at the training gym, but she’d had to get out. She’d watched them training, fighting, learning how to defend and attack and she had nearly thrown up at the sight. She wanted to scream, she wanted to steal a shuttle and never come back, and she’d found herself heading straight for Cassian before she’d even been able to think about it. He had stepped out of the classroom door asking if everything was ok, only to take one look at her standing there before throwing himself into her arms. Her feet were barely touching the floor, he had swooped her up so tight, her face pressed into his neck.

“My father would be so disappointed – Bodhi and Chirrut, Baze –”

“Jyn, they’re dead,” Cassian murmured, a hand stroking up and down her back. “They don’t care.”

“I care.”

“I know,” he sighed. “but we’re going to kill ourselves if we keep thinking about them, and the kids need us.”

“God,” Jyn clenched an arm tighter around his neck so that she could reach her eyes, rubbing them vigorously. “I can’t think about the kids either. This isn’t the galaxy they deserve–”

“Stop torturing yourself like this–”

“Why aren’t you?” Jyn suddenly snapped. “I know what you’re like when you’re a mess, you retreat into yourself as well and shut me out. If there’s anyone who’s great at self-loathing, it’s you, but –”

“Don’t get mad at me –” 

“Too late, I am mad!” Jyn suddenly found herself yelling. Kriffing hell, what was wrong with her? She wrenched back out of his arms, afraid of the Death Star that was now out there again, afraid for her life, afraid of herself, apparently just afraid of everything…

Cassian just closed his eyes a moment, rubbing his forehead.

Jyn watched him and as soon as the anger had come, it was suddenly gone again. Cassian was literally the only other person in the entire galaxy who had any idea what she was dealing with, and here she was screaming at him like it was his fault. This wasn’t supposed to be how it went, but they were children of war, and wars weren’t fair. He was hurting too…

“I’m sorry,” she said, weakly. “Bet you’re regretting marrying me now, right?”

He gave a sad snort of laughter behind his hands before loping forward and hugging her once more. “Never,” he muttered, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

They weren’t ok, but they were enough for now. She quickly shooed him back to the classroom after that, heading back down to the gym where naturally, she found the teens in utter chaos. Aparently a fight had broken out between two adult recruits, only now it appeared to be a full-on brawl thanks to the encouragement of the kids. “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” they all screamed, the crowd thick and kids sitting on shoulders and climbing onto backs in order to watch, although they all hastily scrambled when Jyn’s voice thundered,

“OI! PACK IT IN AND GET BACK TO WORK NOW!”

Terrified, the kids practically fell over themselves to go back to running drills again. Jyn broke up the two recruits, who had apparently gone berserk on each other all because of some snide comments that had been said. They looked like they were shitting themselves as Jyn chewed them out until their commanding officers finally thought to intervene.

“It’s not like we were the ones fighting!” Geron complained.

“It doesn’t matter! Honestly, you should ALL know better,” Jyn turned to yell at the abashed teens. “We’re in a war, fighting amongst ourselves achieves nothing, you should all be ashamed!”

“Easy for you to say, yelling at Captain Andor all the time,” a snarky Azha added in a grumble.

Jyn whirled on her as several others hastily smacked Azha slightly too late in order to keep her quiet. Of course they had noticed her leave. “Did you stick around for the part where I apologised?” Jyn snapped at Azha, and the 14-year-old wilted slightly.

But Jyn wilted with her. “Look…” She gestured vaguely for the kids to come closer and they did, gathering around her in a tight circle. Jyn would have held them all in her arms if she was able, but it was hard hugging even one of them these days – Warrin was pushing 6 foot already and was barely 13-years-old – not to mention that with Caylen recently transitioning over to their group, the number of teens had been bumped up to 15. Hell, Jade was technically meant to be with them as well, only with all the changes recently, the 12-year-old wasn’t exactly handling the idea of switching to the older kids yet. She and Cassian had thought it might be best to wait until Magda, a year younger than Jade, was old enough to move so the best friends could transition together.

These kids were counting on her, which meant she had to try. She tucked Azha under her arm, despite the girl’s protests and leaned her head against Jessa’s on her other side. “I’m sorry, guys,” she said, arms squeezing tight. “I’m sorry I haven’t really been with it lately. I’m sorry that it’s hard. But you are all incredible, hard-working, determined young adults, and I am so proud of all of you.”

The kids all called out back to her – I’m sorry I hit Reno! – It’s ok, Jyn – you’re the best Jyn – until Neera piped up.

“We love you too, Mum!” she said.

And naturally, the reaction was instant.

“HAHAAAAA, NEERA CALLED JYN ‘MUM’!” Reno provoked at once.

“Did not!” Neera was beet red.

“You so did, we all heard you!”

The laughter and teasing carried on and normally, Jyn wouldn’t be hit so hard by it. It wasn’t the first time one of the kids had accidentally called her mum, and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but… in that moment, surrounded by them all, feeling raw and fiercely protective, Jyn cracked a little. She felt like a mum. 

These kids were hers. 

What with the intense emotional climate of the rebellion currently, Jyn almost should have expected it at some point. She wasn’t sleeping well either, and was only in a light dozing state one night when a tiny voice whispering, “Jyyyyyyn,” gave her the fright of her goddamn life.

She may or may not have shrieked a little as she bolted upright, jolting Cassian so hard that he woke too. Clutching her chest a little, she glanced down at the quivering girl next to their bed with her red corkscrew curls and standard Alliance-issued pyjamas that were already slightly too small for her. She sucked her thumb watching as Cassian also sat up next to her.

“What is it?” he asked, yawning.

“It’s one of the kids,” Jyn answered with a sigh. “Charlee, are you ok? What’s going on?”

The girl pulled her thumb out of her mouth to speak, “I had a bad dream,” she said quickly, before shoving it back between her teeth.

Jyn rubbed her eyes, exchanging a look with Cassian. Charlee had been with them for just over a year now. At four-years-old, she was old enough to remember that she’d had parents up until fairly recently, only still didn’t quite grasp the concept that they were probably never going to come home from their last mission. No other family had been listed as her guardians and since no one claimed her, she’d stayed with them. It might have been bad of her to think, but Jyn was glad that she was still so young (not like she’d once been, sat in a dark cave, knowing her mother and father were both gone, alone, so totally alone–).

She shook her head hastily. “Charlee, how did you even get in here?” she asked in bewilderment.

“I hit the big button,” she shrugged.

Jyn turned to shoot Cassian a look. He hadn’t been locking their door at night recently and now she probably knew why.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

Charlee reached up and tugged on Jyn’s sleeve. “Can I sleep with you guys?”

The holonet would probably tell her that she should say no. However, after only a brief look with Cassian, Jyn just held back the blanket and silently offered a hand to help Charlee climb up. The little girl gleefully (and quickly) clambered right over Jyn so that she could settle in between them. If she could offer literally any kind of comfort, how could she not give it? Her job was to look after these kids, wasn’t it? “Don’t look at me like that,” Jyn hissed over Charlee’s head as she dropped back down onto her own pillow.

Cassian only smirked back.  

It only took a few minutes for Charlee’s breathing to even out, anyway. Thumb firmly in her mouth, she rolled onto her side and buried her face in Jyn’s chest. “How did this happen?” Jyn whispered softly. “When did we become parents, Cassian?”

“Way before we ever got married, at the very least,” he answered.

Jyn snorted. “We never stood a chance, did we?”

He shook his head, watching Charlee sleep. Her heart spasmed at the sight.

“I never even thought I wanted children,” she admitted. “You know Neera accidentally called me mum the other day.”

Cassian chuckled lightly. “The kids accidentally call me Dad all the time.”

“Do you remember the first time it happened?” Jyn asked tentatively. “It was a long time ago, I don’t know if…”

It was about two years ago now when Aden had accidentally called, “Hey, Mom!” at her and it had sparked a conversation between her and Cassian that night. It was the first moment she’d really realised that she wasn’t just a teacher anymore. She was a mentor, a role model, a protector and a mother all rolled into one and she’d told Cassian as such as they’d laid curled up together, much like they were now.

“You said that you didn’t think you ever wanted kids of your own,” Cassian relayed back. “because, and I quote: ‘let’s face it, apparently I have enough kids to deal with already’.”

“That’s still true,” Jyn whispered. “You’re ok with that, right?”

“If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have married you,” he said earnestly. He glanced down at Charlee between them, reaching out to stroke back her curls. “We’re already parents to 36 amazing children, Jyn. I’m ok with not intentionally adding any more to that.” 

“I’m going to keep fighting,” Jyn held Charlee close to her chest. “We both are. We blew up one Death Star, we can do it again.”

Cassian leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

“Now there’s the woman I married.” 

[hayjeon]

Cardiovascular Palpitations Pt. 2 (ft. Jeongguk) [M]

→ fluff, smut, angst, really fuckign fluffy smut 10k → friends with benefits au, doctors au ft Taehyung → part 1 | part 2 | story talk

Yay! This was super cute but I’m seriously so glad its over lol I didn’t edit so its not my best work but it’s officially the longest thing I’ve ever written so I hope you like it! Let me know what you think, and I’ll be uploading a story talk and drabbles about this au soon! 

You pursed your lips as you stood in your underwear in front of your closet. It was much different than it used to be years ago, when in college it was overflowing with crop tops and shiny tight dresses that you could’ve worn to any frat party without feeling underdressed. 

But now, years later, you were way too old for those teenager clothing trends and needed something a bit formal and mature-looking. The problem was, you were a doctor, which meant just throwing on whatever underneath scrubs or the white coat. The outfits actors and actresses wore on doctor dramas were bullshit. Nobody had time to look like they were on a runway when they didn’t know whether they’d be sprayed with blood from an erupting artery or vomit from a patient who had too much to drink the night before. It was the worst kind of surprise. 

You thumbed through the clothing, finally finding something somewhat decent. It was a bright blue mini dress, tight enough to accentuate your figure but loose enough to be modest for a five-star restaurant like the one Taehyung was taking you to in an hour. 

It had been years since you’d dressed up this nice for a date. Sure, you had plenty of flings during your more free college days, but as soon as you’d decided to go the medical route, boyfriends weren’t much of a priority, and when you did have time to date, you were way too occupied and way too obsessed with saving money for med school either of you never had the chance to really venture out into scenes like this. 

Now, you were able to afford yourself a nice apartment and your salary was enough to pay for you car, your insurance and your own personal hobbies, but going to an expensive and lavish restaurant had never occurred to you, until now. Taehyung, who seemed like he was doing pretty well off himself too, had suggested this place first thing. 

You did your hair and makeup with a lot more care than you were used to and were buckling the straps to your heels when the doorbell rang. You stood up, grabbing your clutch, and opened the door to see Taehyung waiting with some flowers in hand and a very, very cute suit. 

“Wow you look great!” He smiled, giving you a big hug and putting the flowers in your hands. 

You smiled, “You look great too, Tae! Let me go get a vase, and let’s get going!” 

He drove to the restaurant, and as soon as you entered gave the waiter his name for the reservation and pushed your chair in for you as you sat. 

“It’s actually my first time here,” you commented, as the waiter brought you your menus. Skimming over the items, your eyes bugged out at the steep price range and the lavish names of aged wines that you knew were definitely a lot more expensive than the cheap bottles you had stashed in your living room. And bedroom. And shower. 

Being a doctor was stressful enough, you had plenty of excuses for the random wine bottles hidden around your house. 

He nodded, “The director of the hospital brought all of us new department additions here for our first day of work. It was really good, and even better cause he was paying for it all.” He winked at you, “since I’m paying, you better eat as well as I ate.” Chuckling, he waved the waiter over. 

“Can I have the wine that I requested earlier and can we get started on our meals?” You watched as he made the order carefully, how his eyelashes brushed the tops of his cheekbones and his lips parted slightly as he gazed over the menu to find what he was looking for. 

You remembered in med school that he sat next to you in one of your pre-requisites and you were looking like absolute shit because you just came back from a midterm that basically sucked the soul out of you. Jeongguk was sitting on your left, and you’d been almost knocked out on the seat next to him when someone nudged you and spoke softly, “Is this seat taken?” 

Half dead, half asleep, you mumbled, “No,” and removed your backpack and peeled open your eyes to see the most beautiful face you’ve ever seen staring back at you with a half smile. Smacking your lips and sitting up, you’d pretended like you were interested in the lecture, but instead you were watching how he took amazing, neat notes. He’d made a few funny comments during lecture, about the professor who droned on and on about something about his dog, whispering to you, “I bet if someone asked him to talk about his dog for the entire rest of the semester, he’d do it.” 

You giggled, trying to arrange your hair into something along the lines of an actual hairstyle. “Yeah, and his midterm and finals would just be to describe his dogs and his relationship to them.” 

And that was how you started your crush on him. He’d offered to help you study for that class, chuckling and reminiscing, “Oh my god, did you just come back from taking Professor Song’s Anatomy test? Dang, I remember his tests. Brutal.” 

“If you want, since you’re probably fried from regurgitating all those hexanes and benzoic acid structures, I can help you study for bio?” He offered, blinking those huge big eyes at you. And you’d accepted, and for the next few days, he’d patiently and carefully gone over the topics in class with you. And you’d aced that class, adding onto your other good grades. 

You remembered on the day of his graduation, when you went for another friend in your club but ran into Taehyung during the ceremony, he’d pulled you in for a quick picture, throwing an arm around your shoulders and leaning his head on yours. You saved that picture on your phone, but now you don’t remember exactly what you did with it. 

Once Tae had moved on to America for his residency, your heart did not grow fonder at the absence. You never really liked Taehyung anyway, it was just a momentary crush that happened because he was just really good looking, and nice. 

But as you observe him now and notice the glances from other women he’s getting you realize how handsome he was and still is. He had everything, but you notice, a little thinner than Jeongguk. 

You catch yourself with a start, why were you comparing Tae to Jeongguk? Shaking your head you focus on the story Taehyung was telling you about a crazy patient who was basically high off anesthesia and went around the hospital ward singing and chanting the names of kpop girl groups. 

You giggle in response, pushing around the piece of steak on your plate. Your dress was starting to get tight, and all you wanted to do was to rip it off and put on some baggy sweats and a tank top, take the bobby pins out of your head and just tie it up in a messy bun and stuff your face with ice cream. But as Taehyung animatedly continues his story, you just laugh and keep the conversation going. 

Was talking with Tae always this…predictable? Sure, his stories were funny and quite interesting, but honestly, you’d seen worse cases and experienced even funnier patients during your years as a resident. He’d ordered a salad for himself, citing that he was watching what he ate, and you guiltily switched out the fries for a salad with your steak at that comment. 

You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to the gogi place Jeongguk took you to after a hard day at work. It was an all-you-can-eat korean barbecue with mouthwatering pork and steak and you’d eaten until you felt like you were going to pass out. And then he’d ordered you two rice wine and it was history after that, getting shit drunk and then giggling and stumbling into your apartment and trying to get ready for bed. But being clumsy and tired, you two had just passed out on your bed and woken up the next day with full stomachs and horrible hangovers. But it was one of the best meals you’d ever had. 

Sure this steak was great, juicy, and really high quality, but the fist-sized portion was definitely not enough to satisfy your appetite. As the night drew to an end, Taehyung drove you home, keeping a nice conversation with you about how your experience in residency was. You told him about how after med school you were accepted to this huge hospital, and eventually slowly made your way up to the youngest female surgeon of the Cardio department alongside Jeongguk. 

When you mentioned his name, Taehyung asked, glancing at you from the driver’s seat. “Are you and Jeongguk still as close as you were in med school?” 

You laugh, “Yeah, we were inseparable in med school huh? I’d say we’re just really good friends now. I mean, I can’t help it, he’s my co-head-surgeon of the department.” 

He turned his eyes back to the road, “How did you end up being co-partners again?” 

You shrug, rolling your eyes at the memory. “We were both really young, but super over-qualified for the job. And so instead of putting one of us, where the director would’ve had to choose one of us to be the department representative and the other to be the subordinate, he just went the easy route and just chose us both.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

You shrug again, “At first, I was really mad, cause I thought it was because I was a girl that he didn’t trust me enough to lead the department surgeries on my own. But director Kim is a smart man, and I think he knew that putting us together would make the department run more smoother.” 

“And why’s that?” 

“Well, Jeongguk’s better at the public stuff; you know, greeting people, going to meetings, charming the pants off of the other department heads and like training the new members. I’m not so good at that, maybe since I’m just too tired and quiet to do all that and not pass out from fatigue. I’d rather just be behind-the-scenes, making the powerpoints and organizing the ideas that Jeongguk presents, and doing the professional stuff like presentations and recorded operations, etc.” 

Taehyung hums, pulling up into your driveway. “Interesting.” He turns off the engine, and turns to you, “I’m not sure if you heard but the director sent me to your department to join your team. I’m not taking over your position or anything but apparently you guys needed some help on the surgeries you had to take care of?” 

You nod. He smiles, taking your hand. “I’m looking forward to working with you, Y/N. I hope you can learn to rely on me like you rely on your…partner.” 

You nod, not catching the deeper tone for the last word. “I’m excited to work with you too, Taehyung. It’s nice to have you back.” 

He walks you to your door, and as you stand in front of your closed door, he takes your hand and kisses it again.

He smiles, gripping your hand tighter. “Y/N, I-I actually brought you out to dinner today because I wanted to ask you out formally. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and I actually asked to be transferred to this department because of you.” 

You gaped your mouth open, eyes widening at the comment. “Wh-what? B-but after med school, you never…?” 

He smiled sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I knew if I tried to contact you I’d miss you even more. So I really tried so hard to keep myself away from you. Here, I even carried this around in my wallet so I wouldn’t forget you!” He pauses, taking out a tattered picture from the graduation day from his wallet and shyly hands it to you. 

“When director Kim called me and told me to come work for him, and I heard from a friend that you were working there, I knew I had to take the offer. So I moved here in a span of two weeks and asked to be transferred to the Cardio department.”

You don’t respond, still processing the information and staring down at the worn picture from years ago, with his arm thrown around your shoulders and his other hand holding up the million flower bundles he’d gotten from friends and family. He continues, “I’ve been waiting for a really long time, Y/N. Do you think you can give me a chance?” 

Your mouth opens and closes, unable to formulate a response. 

“T-taehyung, u-uh, I-i don’t know what to s-say.” You manage, “I-it’s a lot of information at once, I, I really had no idea.” You’re sure you sound breathless, but Taehyung is silent as you finish. 

“I really need some time, Taehyung, to think about all of this. I-it’s been so long since I-i’ve been in a relationship and I want to think about this a little more.” You finally muster up the courage to look at him, and he’s looking at you with such affection that you’re relieved that he understands. 

He nods quietly and seems to be deep in thought for a second. Looking back up at you, he reaches up and slides a hand under your chin and leans in to give you a peck on your forehead. “Okay,” he whispers, “Good night, Y/N.” 

Winking, he walks away and you bid him goodnight and shut the door behind you with flushed cheeks and even more confused heart. But as you peel off the painful strappy heels you were wearing for the night, a voice pipes up from your dark living room, scaring the shit out of you. 

“How was the date?” 

You whip your head toward the dark living room, ready to punch whoever it was until you see Jeongguk’s body slumped over your couch. 

“Fuck, Jeongguk, you scared the shit out of me.” You remove the rest of your shoes and turn on the lights as you make your way to the couch. But as the bright lights flash on in your living room, he groans and coils away from the white light, holding an arm in front of his eyes and whining. 

You crinkle your nose as you near him, he reeks of alcohol and holds a soju bottle in his hand. Dimming the lights, you stand over him. 

“Get up Jeon Jeongguk! We have an important meeting tomorrow, why are you getting shit drunk like this?! And coming to my apartment?! Ugh, get up.” You make a move to help him up from the couch, but he jostles you away and instead grabs your wrists and yanks you down to eye level with him. 

“I heard everything he said,” he drawls, eyes bloodshot red, as if he was crying. “Are you gonna date him or not?!” His voice raises from his muttering tone to a more angry one. You frown and try to wiggle out of his grasp, but he grabs you even tigehter and glares at you. 

“Look at me! Answer me, Y/N, what are you gonna do?”

You sigh, looking at him. “Jeongguk you’re hurting me.” 

At the comment, he finally looks down at his tight fists around your wrists, seeing how the skin there is turning red from his grip. With a start, he lets go. You rub your wrists, sighing and plopping down on the couch next to him. 

“I don’t know Jeongguk. I really don’t know… It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship and I don’t know if I have the time and we have so much coming up for the department that–” 

He cuts you off. “Y/N, do you like him?” 

You pause, “Yeah, I guess. Or…I don’t know.” 

He grumbles, “Figured. You liked him ever since med school.” 

You frown at him. “No, I stopped having my crush on him when he left for America! Stop saying that, I didn’t even like him that much.” 

He stared back at you, incredulous. “Are you kidding me? I’ve never seen you fall for someone that hard.” 

You shake your head, rolling your eyes. “It’s because you’ve never seen me actually really like someone. All those flings were just…flings. Do you remember me actually, like, being in love?” you bite back. 

He sits there, thinking hard. You cut him off before he can answer. “No, you haven’t. So stop asking me all these stupid questions and get in bed before I change my mind.” 

You get up from the couch, and he grabs your wrist again, gentler this time. “Y/N, please don’t date him.” He looks like a little boy right now, hair curly like it used to be in college, and wearing a loose white shirt over blue jeans. He stares up at you with those big eyes and you feel your heart lurch, like the countless other times that it did. 

You’d taken it as a sign to try and organize your relationship with him, to put some boundaries on this friendship you two had forged somehow through all the sex and favors. But as he looked up at you, you found yourself getting even more confused and torn between the two choices. 

“Let’s go to sleep, Jeongguk.” You whisper softly, and he relents, letting you throw his arm around your shoulder and you stumble to your bedroom and drop him on your sheets. 

He groans and lets you slide the jeans down his legs and the shirt over his head and cover him with the blankets. He doesn’t fall asleep until you wash yourself up and  get into the other side of the bed, sidling up to you and spooning you from behind. 

“Just stay with me? Yeah? ‘m so happy with you m’right now and don’t wann’ see ya with Kim Taehyung okay m’so just…” He trails off and falls asleep, breathing into your neck from behind. 

You barely get any sleep that night. 

You wake up the next morning to the sound of the doorbell ringing. Groaning, you look behind you to see Jeongguk still knocked out behind you. You throw his arm off from your waist. 

You’d fallen in and out of sleep last night, unable to get some proper rest, but now someone was ringing your doorbell and disrupting the little sleep you’d managed to find. 

You banged the door open, ready to chew out whoever it was who’d shown up at your place. But you’re shocked to see that its Taehyung, smiling at you with a coffee in one hand and a smaller bouquet of flowers in the other. 

“Good morning, Y/N! You have a big presentation today, don’t you? I’m here to be your personal prep team!” 

You gape at him, scrambling to cover up your appearance, trying to pick out the eye-boogers from your eyes and smooth down the crazy strands of hair from your bun at the same time. “T-Taehyung! I didn’t expect you here so early!” 

He smiles, “Oh didn’t you hear me suggest to give you a ride?” 

You shook your head, and he smiles, “Oh you must’ve zoned out or something. Anyway, here,” He puts the cup of coffee in your hand. “Can I put this inside?” He gestures to the purple tulips in his hand. 

You panic for a second, because Jeongguk is still in your bed, and Taehyung would probably definitely see him if he came in, “U-uh, maybe now isn’t a good time? I f-forgot to clean and I don’t want you to see the mess–” 

You’re cut off by a grumbling voice behind you, “Y/N, who the fuck is showing up at 7-fucking AM—” You whip your head around to see Jeongguk emerging from your bedroom into the doorway with only his boxers on. 

He squints his eyes to see who the visitor and you can see how his expression changes immediately from one of confusion to a stoic one as he locks eyes with Taehyung. You whip your head around to see Taehyung’s face that was first filled with his boxy smile morph into one of confusion and then a challenging frown at the sight of Jeongguk in your apartment half naked. 

You scramble to cover up Jeongguk, “Taehyung! I swear this isn’t what it looks like, Jeongguk got drunk and showed up and—” 

Jeongguk cuts you off, grabbing your upper arm to stop you from pushing him back into the bedroom. “Why are you here, Taehyung?” 

Taehyung frowns. “Why are you here, Jeon?” 

Jeongguk spits back, “I crashed here last night. And you?” 

“I came to pick up Y/N up for the presentation.” 

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, “Y/N and I are doing the presentation together. There’s no need to pick her up when we’ll just show up together.” 

Taehyung quirks his eyebrow, “Well, she certainly didn’t mention that during our date last night. And I think it’s pretty rude for a grown man to show up drunk at a lady’s house in the middle of the night.” 

Jeongguk lurches forward, fist clenched, “Don’t fucking tell me what to do—” And you yell, “Jeongguk!” and stop him, “Seriously, what’s wrong with you! Ugh just go get changed! Taehyung’s just being nice and offered to help me get to work so I can prep for the presentation. I don’t think you have a right to get mad when you’re the one who showed up drunk last night.” 

He shifts his glare to you, and you glare at him right back. Groaning, he throws his hands up in the air with a growl, “This is bullshit.” He storms to your bedroom and grabs his clothes and puts them off and breezes past you two to your door and slams it shut on his way out. 

You let out a breath and slump, “I’m sorry Taehyung, I don’t know why he’s being like this all of a sudden. He’s usually super chill but these days he’s just been…on a fuse?” 

Taehyung visibly relaxes and walks over to your dining table where the roses from last night were carefully placed in a vase and puts the rest of the tulips into the bundle. “I have a feeling I know why he’s being so difficult, but it’s fine. Don’t worry and let’s just focus on the presentation for now, hm?” He sits down on the dining chair and shoots another boxy smile at you. “Go get ready, we’ll pick up some breakfast on the way!” 

The rest of the morning is a breeze, and the presentation is a success, and you feel great until you see the glare that Jeongguk throws your direction before stalking back to his office. But Taehyung just gently places a reassuring hand on your lower back and guides you over for a picture with the director who’s lavishing praises on you and Jeongguk for the presentation. 

Taehyung drops you off again that night, walking you up to your doorstep. You invite him in for some tea, and you sit at the dining table. 

“Thanks so much, Tae, for being there for me today. It helped a lot.” you smiled at him, and his face split up into a grin. 

He chuckled, “Anytime, Y/N.” 

You lower your gaze, shuffling your feet, “I’m really sorry about what happened this morning, Taehyung, i-it’s really complicated and I-i—” 

He cuts you off, “I’m willing to understand, Y/N. But I think I have a good idea of what’s going on and I just want you to know that I really want this to work between us,” he gestures to the space between you two, “But that might mean you have to let go of him… It doesn’t necessarily make me so comfortable knowing that the girl I like is working alongside someone else who has strong feelings for her and a complicated history…but I’m willing to ignore it and focus on us, if you are too.” 

You stand there, processing what he said until one thing catches your ear. “Wait, what? Jeongguk has strong feelings for me? What are you talking about?” 

Taehyung sighs, taking a sip of his tea before standing up. “I think it’s time for me to go home now, it’s really late.” Clearing his throat, he stands up and pauses in the doorway as you shuffle quietly behind him. “Just, take the weekend to really organize your thoughts, yeah?” 

You nod, biting your lip. He reaches out and uses his thumb on your chin to tug out your lip from between your teeth. “And don’t do that,” he mumbles, grinning, “or you’ll regret it.” Smiling at your blush, he leans in and lands a soft peck on your cheek before bidding you good night and shutting your door behind him. 

You’re still in some short of shock as you juggle the realization you’ve come to. Taehyung had just told you that Jeongguk had strong feelings towards you, something you’d never even thought possible for the guy you’d seen get his heart broken and swore to never date seriously again. 

Sighing, you cleared the table and went to bed with a headache, trying to get some sleep when your phone rang. Groaning, you rolled over and saw the screen flashing with your mom’s number. 

“Hi mom, why are you calling so late at night?” You mumble into the receiver. 

“Oh no, sweetie did I wake you? It’s only midnight but your father is out with his friends and I’m waiting for him to come home. How are you doing honey?” 

You sigh, throwing an arm over your eyes, “Everything is just as it was. Work is work, and life is life.” 

She chuckles, “And how is Jeongguk?” 

You roll your eyes, “Stop asking about him, mom. Jeez, you’re in love with him aren’t you?” 

She sighs dreamily, “How do you expect me to not ask about my future son-in-law?” 

You groan, sitting up. You mull over what happened earlier, Taehyung’s voice sounding in your head. Organize your thoughts. 

Sighing, you muss your hair before speaking, “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you. Please don’t get mad. To be honest,” you pause, and she encourages you to continue, “I-I never really dated Jeongguk…I just…he’s a friend and he offered to help me when I told him that your friend was trying to get a blind date for me. You know I really didn’t want to get matched up with Mrs. Lee’s lawyer son and so, one lie led to another and…” You trailed off. 

She hums, chuckling. “Ohhh sweetie, don’t worry.” 

You perk up. “You’re not mad?” 

She laughs, “I know you like the back of my hand. You thought I wouldn’t notice when you lie?” 

You gawk. “W-wait, you knew?! This whole time?!” 

“Yes honey, of course I did. I just played along because I knew Mrs. Lee would never relent about setting you up with her son until you either went on the date or showed up with a boyfriend suddenly. That’s why I invited all my friends that day Jeongguk showed up, so they could go gossip to her and tell her what a great boyfriend you had.” She giggles, “Which is why she stopped bugging us about setting you up with that lawyer son of hers.” 

She laughs at your silence, “I never really liked Yugyeom for you anyway. A little too sweet for you and your cynicism that takes after your father. If Yugyeom ever met your father, he’ll probably go home crying. But your father adores Jeongguk because they went fishing together that one time.” 

You laugh in disbelief. “Oh my god my mom is the sneakiest mom in the world.” 

She laughs, “You need to be a better actress, I could tell you were lying immediately. But, Jeongguk, he wasn’t acting.” 

“What? What do you mean?” 

She sighs, groaning at your ignorance. “Y/N, honey, there’s something called a mother’s instinct. And we just know, when our children are lying, sad, or hiding something. But let me tell you that the boy Jeongguk was definitely not acting that day.” 

You rack your mind for memories of the day months ago when you brought Jeongguk over to the restaurant to meet your mom. She’d showed up with five of her friends who squealed and gossiped about Jeongguk, surprising the both of you.

“Mom,” you hissed, “What are these people? It was just supposed to be you, me and him!” 

She glances around your shoulder to stare at Jeongguk who’s currently awkwardly fending off the other ladies’ questions about his occupation, family, weight, height, and skincare routine. 

“He’s one fine piece of man, reminds me of your father when I first met him!” You groan. “Where’d you get him?” 

“Mom, I was gonna tell you all of that during the dinner, but how could you bring all your friends?” 

She waves you off as she drags you back to the table. “It’s fine, honey. I want to talk to Jeongguk, not you!” 

Jeongguk stands up and greets her as she takes a seat across from him. 

“So, Jeongguk, how’d you meet my daughter?” 

He smiles, immediately dropping the awkwardness and stiffness that was in his posture while he was talking to your mom’s friends. Leaning back and throwing an arm around your chair, he looks at you fondly and responds smoothly, “I’m not sure if you remember me, but I went to college and med school with Y/N. And then we went our separate ways for residencies and internships, and then met again at Seoul hospital.” He recites everything well, just like you’d told him to say on your ride to the restaurant. 

She smiles, and her friends giggle and squeal some more, throwing comments at you like, “Wow, Y/N, you really caught a good one!” “He’s a doctor too? So handsome!” 

You refrain from rolling your eyes and just smile politely at them. One lady says, “So what do you like so much about Y/N?” 

You freeze, as you don’t recall ever telling him what to say regarding this. But Jeongguk takes it like a champ and sidles closer to you and moves his hand around your shoulder to take your hand on the tabletop and stare into your eyes. You meet his gaze with a panicked one, but he squeezes your hand before continuing. 

“I remember I fell for Y/N in college, and liked her for years after that into med school, but I was way too much of a wimp to actually tell her and ask her out. But then we went our separate ways after med school and I realized that I felt so empty without her, so when I came back and saw her at the hospital, I knew I had to ask her out or else I would regret it for the rest of my life.” 

He shoots a smile at you and you feel as if time slows, the way he’s talking makes you feel fluttering in your belly, and your cheeks heat up at the intense gaze he has on you. 

Without wavering his eyes, he continues, “I love Y/N because she’s so strong, because she challenges me to become a better man so I can take care of her. She doesn’t back down to anyone or anything, which is why she’s so successful at the hospital we’re at, but she’s also really genuine and kind. Being a doctor suits her perfectly.” You’re still gazing at him in surprise, shocked at how well he was acting. 

He breaks the gaze to shoot a charming smile to the similarly astonished ladies in front of you. “And also, I think Y/N looks the prettiest when she’s in her scrubs and performing surgeries.” 

The ladies squeal some more and for the rest of the dinner, you try and calm your fluttering heartbeat while Jeongguk continues to charm them with funny stories and flattering talk. He pays the check for the table, a hefty sum that you try to pay him back for but he shuts you up with some kisses when you get to his house. 

Your mom’s words break you out of the memory. “Y/N, are you listening?” 

You blink, “Sorry what were you saying?” 

She laughs. “I said, Jeongguk really, really likes you. He wasn’t acting during that dinner. I know. And you like him back, don’t you?” 

You sputter, “W-what? Like him back? Pfft, no. He’s just a friend!” 

She groans, “Y/N, you stupid child, who do you take after? You’re not in elementary school anymore. A man doesn’t stick by a woman’s side like that at your age unless he likes you or he’s horny.” 

“Mom!” 

She laughs, “Trust me, I know. Your father wouldn’t leave my side until I told him I’d give him a chance. And it was during that date that I saw another side of him that made me fall head over heels.” 

You groan, rolling your eyes. “Okay, okay mom. I don’t want to hear about you and dad. Anyways, never mind. I don’t know, I just need some time to think about all of this. It’s a lot.” 

“I know, honey. But let me just tell you one thing, as your mother. Love isn’t just a fleeting feeling, and sometimes you won’t notice it, because it’s been there all along. Sometimes for others, it’s like a rampant fire, that you can’t ignore. Love at first sight, they call it? But for some, it’s like a soothing wind, that you don’t realize you have and need, until its gone. That was like me and your father, I never saw him that way but then all of a sudden, it was there. He was like a river, always unchanging and in the same place, I just had to find my way to him and realize that I loved him back.” 

You nod, the sleep overcoming you along with a headache you knew you’d have to take pills for in the morning. “Yeah, thanks mom.” 

“Good night honey, I love you.” 

You reply, and hang up. Groaning, you flop on the bed, thoughts running miles per minute through your mind. There was no way Jeongguk had feelings for you, like your mother and Taehyung said. Sighing, you let yourself go to a restless sleep. 

The next few days pass in a blur, as you end up spending a lot more time with Taehyung. It’s mostly because you’re bored and Jeongguk ignores your texts and pretends not to see you when you pass eachother in the halls. Even during the staff meetings, he sits next to a pretty nurse who literally almost faints when he grins at her and asks if the seat next to her is open. 

You grumpily take your normal spot in the back of the room, and cross your arms, glaring daggers into Jeongguk’s head. It was so weird for him to be acting like this to you, when you did literally nothing wrong. He was the one who showed up to your house drunk off his ass and almost punched Taehyung and now you were the one feeling guilty for no reason! 

You hear your name being called and when you turn your head, you see Taheyung walking up the steps with a grin on his face and two coffees in hand. You wave in response and glance around to see other nurses and doctors whispering, asking each other if you two were dating and whatnot, and your eyes settle on Jeongguk.

He’s turned around in his seat, ignoring the chatter of the nurse who’s talking his ear off and getting handsy on his arms, glaring at you, then Taehyung, and then back at you. When you don’t back down from the glare, he huffs and turns back to the nurse, throwing an arm around her chair to scoot her closer. You can literally hear her panties dropping from the back of the room. 

Rolling your eyes, you smile at Taehyung who’s dropping into the seat next to you and handing you the coffee. You thank him as the lights dim and the presentation starts. You immediately feel your eyelids dropping as the sweet, but old director begins droning on about something you don’t care about. 

But Taehyung stays awake, unlike Jeongguk who’d usually make some jokes bout the director and maybe let you fall asleep on his shoulder. He lets you drop your head onto the table and silently watches the powerpoint, attentive to the information. 

Sighing, you become bored out of your mind and take out your phone to see that a notification has already popped up. Jeongguk was texting you. 

[From: JJK]: Goody two shoes Tae not keeping you company?

[To: JJK]: shut up, says the one who’s been a dick to me the past two weeks

[from: JJK] says the one who’s been a dick since day one

[To: JJK]: touche

You pause before writing the next one.

[to: JJK] Can we maybe, meet up tonight? I want to talk about what happened 

He takes a bit to respond, but does nevertheless. 

[from: JJK]: fine, tonight at your place after my shift. 

You agree with him and shut your phone as the director’s presentation comes to an end and everyone in the lecture hall is released for lunch. Taehyung walks with you to the cafeteria and grabs a tray for you, while you go to the restroom. When you come back, he’s already seated and has gotten all your food for you. 

Thanking him, you sit down, ready to chow down, when you see what’s on your plate. It was basically all greens, fruits, and salads with no dressing. You sigh, “Taehyung, why did you give me food that my food eats?” 

He chuckles, “Y/N, you’ve been looking really tired lately so you need to stock up on your veggies more! Here, spinach is really good for that.” He forks some more spinach leaves onto your plate. You smile weakly, shoving a leaf into your mouth. “But I want some pizza, and they even have triple chocolate cake!”

He chuckles at your complains and just shakes his head. “Until you’re feeling better, I think it’s best for you to stick to the healthy stuff!” You groan and fork the rest of the horrible meal into your mouth as you gaze sadly at the other members of the hospital putting big pizza slices and hamburger buns onto their plates. 

The rest of your day goes similarly disappointingly, as you get two patients who are absolutely the worst, demanding things from you and refusing to listen to you. You roll your eyes and grit your teeth through the process, helping the nurse escort out the patients whilst fighting the urge to jab the man’s balls in with your fist. 

All you want to do is blow off some steam, which you would usually do with Jeongguk in a closet or a VIP room, but you catch him flirting with another nurse and huff as you storm into your office to grab a nap. 

And later, you tell Taehyung you want some time alone, and drive home yourself in a long while. You take the familiar street adjacent to yours onto Jeongguk’s driveway, shutting off the engine, and making your way up to his apartment. 

You use the spare key you have to open his door, and you see him in the kitchen, preparing something. He looks up at you in shock, “Y/N! What the, you got off early?” 

You nod, shutting the door. “I didn’t waste any time after director let me go home early. I really wanted to talk to you.” 

You plop down on his counter, across from him. You can see that he’s preparing a homemade steak burger and your mouth waters. “I-I’m not sure what happened, like that day is so fuzzy to me and I’m so confused why we’re fighting but I don’t really wanna fight with you and it’s just been really hard at work and I just need my friend with me and–” 

He cuts you off. “Woah woah, relax. One at a time.” 

You sigh, “Jeongguk, whatever it was that day, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. You just looked like you were gonna punch the daylights out of Taehyung so I had to intervene and it just escalated from there.” 

He sighs, turning his attention back to the steak. “Y/N, that’s not why I was mad.” 

You frown, “then why’d you yell at me?” 

“You really have no idea?” 

You shake your head. 

“Y/N, I got mad because I heard everything Taehyung said to you that night. And when I asked you if you were gonna date him or not you said you didn’t know.” 

“Wait, why would me not knowing make you mad?” 

He shakes his head, reaching over to turn off the stove. “You’re really dense aren’t you?” 

You frown even deeper, getting irritated. “Why does everyone keep saying that to me? Just fucking spit it out, I’m so sick of everyone tiptoeing around me. What’s going on?” 

He seems to get a bit riled up at your attitude. “Y/N, just open your fucking eyes and see what’s going on. Why else would I get mad at you not being able to decide between me and Taehyung?” 

You throw your hands up in the air. “What are you even saying? I never said I was choosing either one of you, it’s whether I decide to date Taehyung or not!” 

“You understand that if you date him, this,” he gestures to you and him, “Is no longer happening?” 

“Jeongguk, we can still stay friends even if I date him! Is this about the sex?” You huff. 

“No, Y/N. It’s not about the fucking sex,” he grits out. He turns around and clenches his fist. “I don’t care about the fucking sex. I care that all I am is just a friend to you.” 

You freeze, and you can hear your heart thundering with anger, and the clock ticking in the living room. 

“W-what? Jeongguk, what are you saying?” 

He turns around to you, fists unclenching and staring you down with a look less intense than before. “Y/N, I like you. No, I love you. Ever since college, ever since you offered to help me in organic chem. That’s why I haven’t dated anyone since.” 

You gawk, “J-jeongguk, what the fuck? Why are you telling me this now? It’s been years and I-I thought you were never gonna date again after the breakup you had in med school…?” 

He shook his head. “You idiot, that was just an excuse because I was an idiot and couldn’t fess up to my feelings. She dumped me because she noticed that I liked you, and I swore to never date someone again until I got over you.” 

He paused, stepping around the counter to come closer to you. “But I never got that chance.” 

You’re still sitting on the stool in shock, unable to process the words he was saying. So it was true, what Taehyung said, what your mother said, what Jeongguk had confessed the day he met your mother. You were beyond shocked, but you couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach intensify as he stood a couple feet away from you, gazing at you with such longing and sadness. 

“Y/N,” He whispered, coming close to you enough that his breath tickled your cheeks. “I love you. L-let’s stop this friends with benefits thing, I-I just want to be yours. I don’t care about the sex or the co-leader thing, l-let’s just be Y/N and Jeongguk, dating, in love. That’s all I want.” 

You close your eyes, the tears spilling over now. You sigh, “I-I don’t know Jeongguk, it’s been so long, and Taehyung too…” 

At his name, Jeongguk tenses. “Do you like him, Y/N?” 

You shake your head, “I really don’t know.” 

He growls at your vague answer, gripping your chin and forcing you to look up at him. “Do you feel in love when you’re with him? Does he make you feel happier than I do?” He glares hard into your red-rimmed ones, and you rack your mind for an answer. You think to the memories of lounging on the couch shoving junk food into your mouth as you complain about your work day and Jeongguk taking it all in like a champ. 

You remember the nights you’d come home crying because there was a board member at the hospital who kept harassing you and using his position as an excuse to outrightly push you around; Jeongguk had ravished you that night, leaving countless hickeys on your neck, and for some reason that director had called in sick for the next two weeks and then was fired a few days later. 

You remember what your mom told you nights before, that love was where comfort was, maybe. And you think of Tae, how he’d had all the right reasons but the wrong actions. He’d taken you to a fancy restaurant for your first date, when Jeongguk always knew you preferred all you can eat barbecues. Taehyung tried to feed you healthy things to keep you energized, but Jeongguk always was willing to split a huge french fry with you or go visit that new boba cafe near the hospital. Taehyung never kissed you on the lips, trying to “save it for the real relationship,” he’d told you one time. But Jeongguk knew that you didn’t care for those formalities, that you now considered yourself much too old and jaded and impatient for all the teenager fantasies. 

And as you remember, who’d been there for you all these years, you shake your head in response. “No, no he doesn’t.” And as you break out in sobs, Jeongguk cradles your head and leans in, capturing your lips in a desperate kiss. 

Your hands scrabble for something to hold onto, settling into his t shirt near his sides, as he holds your cheeks in his. His lips move furiously over yours, contrasting the gentle movement of his thumbs swiping the tears away from your cheeks. He moves his tongue with yours, gently stroking your lips and your mouth. You begin to feel the desire running through your veins. Jeongguk always managed to make you feel things you felt for no one else. 

He whispers into the kiss, “Just let me love you.” 

“Jeongguk,” you manage to whisper between kisses, and he relents, hiking his hands underneath your thighs and lifting you into his arms. “Bedroom,” You mutter, and let him carry you into his room and settle you onto the covers of his bed. He just drops you down and settles his weight over you, elbows near your head and kisses you again, going even slower. 

When you moan out of impatience, he moves down your jaw, hungrily biting at the skin before nuzzling behind your ear, breaking out another series of breathless whispers of his name. He works slowly this time, unlike all the quickies you both had in the hospital, and slowly kisses his way down your body, unbuttoning your blouse with snail like movements. 

You sigh and fist your hands into the sheets as he lingers on your chest, gently cupping your breasts and running this thumbs over the sensitive nipples. He lowers his mouth, tongue laving over the collarbones and valley between your breasts before moving aside and rolling the nipple around in his mouth. As you moan and encourage him to go on, he moves down to kiss the sensitive underside of your breast before working on the other one, as your hands come down to fist in his hair. 

When you tug, trying to get him to go faster, he groans and moves lover, dipping his tongue into your bellybutton and grinning when you let out a giggle at the tickling feeling. His large hands are splayed over your waist, holding you down as his fingers work to slide the jeans slowly off your legs. Getting up on his knees, he looks down at your naked figure for a second, mouth hanging open at the way you look up at him in between your legs, your chest covered in his kisses, mouth swollen, and pupils blown wide from lust. You’re panting but unable to say anything as he stares at you to the point where you turn red and make a move to cover yourself from his hot stare. 

But he murmurs, “No, don’t hide it. I just realize…I’ve never told you how beautiful you are. How much I love your body, how wet you get for me, how you say my name,” he grabs your leg and puts it on his shoulder, turning his head to run his lips over the bone of your ankle and down the curve of your calf. 

“How your skin is so soft…” He moves his tongue down your inner thigh, and his hands move to spread your legs for him, leaning down to lay on the bed to become eye-level with your core. “How you smell like heaven,” he nuzzles his face on your thighs, and when you moan, he kisses the juncture between your core and your hip. 

“Jeongguk, please, hurry.” You push him, but he just holds your hips down and does the same on your other leg. 

He finally drops down to his stomach and hikes both your thighs over his shoulders, and his hands come up to cradle your hips, “And fuck, how you taste so good.” 

With that he finally lowers his warm mouth on your core, tongue coming up to swipe at your slit before fully covering it and sucking hard. You let out a shout that dissolves into a breathless moan of his name and your fingers thread through his locks while the other hand fists on the pillow underneath your head. 

He rolls your clit on his tongue, lapping up all of your wetness and moving his muscle up and down your slit. When you tug harder on his head he moans into you, the vibrations making you cringe away from the surge of pleasure that rushes through your body. When your hips move away from his mouth, he tugs you down harder against him, and your hands scrabble for something to grab onto. He moves his hands up to grab yours, fingers interlacing with yours as he locks eyes with you from below. 

You almost come right there and then, when you lock eyes with him between your legs, as he moans into your core and continues to run his tongue over your skin. You croak out, “Jeongguk, ‘m gonna come,” and gasp. But he doesn’t let go and just growls out, “hold it, Y/N,” giving you a hard look from between your legs. 

You drop your head back onto the pillow, moaning hoarsely and trying hard to focus on not coming too soon, thighs clenching around his head, and your fingers digging into his hands. You chant, “Please please please, Jeongguk, please let m’ come, oh my go-, please,” you squeeze your eyes shut as you feel yourself drawing nearer and nearer to the edge. 

Finally, when it seems like you can’t hold it anymore, he gives a hard lick to your center before groaning, “Come Y/N.” And you let out a shout as a incredibly hard orgasm rushes through your veins. Your mind goes blank as all you can focus on is the feeling of Jeongguk’s hot mouth on your core, and the grip he has on your hands. Your moan cuts off into silence as you come so intensely you don’t let out a sound until you’re cringing and whimpering from the oversensitivity from his ministrations. 

He gives you one last swipe and moves his kisses to your hipbone, caressing your skin as you calm down and works his way up your body again, caging you in with elbows on your sides. 

You’re spent, and you hold his arms for support as you tiredly look up at him. He’s so beautiful that you just lay there in awe at him. Your eyes rake over his features, the huge eyes that crinkle at your disheveled state, the beautiful mouth that always either made you moan or laugh, the nose that he wasn’t too fond of but you deemed incredibly cute, and the jawline that you’d kissed countless times. 

But this time, as you wrap your arms around his neck and bring him down for a desperate kiss, it’s different. The kiss isn’t rushed, not a clash of teeth and tongue, but just a simple and gentle caress of your lips against his. His hand comes to cradle your head while another gently rubs the dip in your waist. He lowers his weight onto you, and you welcome the warm heaviness with a sigh, until you notice the hard bulge pressing against your thigh. 

You wordlessly kiss him harder, hands unwrapping from him to wander over his broad chest and then run your fingers over his abs. His breath hitches when you wander too close to his crotch, and using the moment where he’s caught off guard, you flip him over and settle your hips over his, grinding down onto his jeans. 

He moans and you slip your hands underneath his shirt and move it off of him, and you lean down to kiss him, tongue running over his mouth and wrestling with his. You move and kiss down his neck, biting gently down on the juncture that makes him moan, and then scrap your nails down his chest as you kiss down his torso. When you get to the hem of his pants, he grabs your wrist gently. 

“No,” he murmurs, “this is about you tonight,” and he quickly removes his own pants before sitting up and guiding you over his length. It’s red and incredibly hard, and you resist the urge to lean down and wrap your lips around it. You instead circle your arms around his shoulders, as he holds your waist and guides you onto his cock. 

Once you sink down on him, you both let out a simultaneous moan. He lets you get used to him first before lifting your waist and letting you drop slowly down on his length. At the euphorious feeling, you sigh and begin to rock your hips back and forth, panting into his shoulder as you press your chest against his, your soft nipples rubbing against his harder chest. 

He groans as you squeeze your muscles around him, gripping your waist even tighter and stopping you from moving. Through gritted teeth, he murmurs, “Don’t do that or I’m gonna cum too soon.” You nod and relax around him, letting him move again at his pace. 

You lean back and stare into his eyes, and his fucked out face makes you even wetter. He’s looking up at you sitting in his lap, his pupils blown at the sight of you, and his mouth panting and moaning as his lids are heavy and the sides of his hair are stuck to his head with sweat. His neck is covered in little red marks because of your bites and his eyes are trained on you and only you. His hands come up to cradle your cheeks, and he leans in to cover your mouth with his, lips gently sliding over yours and swallowing your moans. 

He whispers against your lips, “I love you so much, so fucking much,” over and over as he turns you and switches your positions so that he is crouching over you and your legs are still wrapped around his waist. Grabbing your hands and interlocking them over your head, he rolls his hips against your, ripping moans from you as he takes it slow and works on his downstroke to rub against your spot that makes you arch your torso up into him. 

He hovers his face centimeters from yours and stares deep into your eyes and you see yourself in his irises, and you find yourself remembering how Jeongguk had been there for you since the beginning, how he was like the home, the river that was always there where you left him, always waiting and always willing to bring you into his arms when you needed him. It had been years, since you guys had started the benefits between you, and you remembered how he’d been patient with you through everything and often muttered sweet things into your ear as you came. But now you knew it was real, that he truly did feel those things with you and meant every single thing. 

And with that realization, you feel the emotions and the pleasure surge up in you all at once, combined with Jeongguk’s calculated thrusts and his unwavering gaze on your face, you’re hurtling towards the edge again a lot faster than you’d expected. You clutch his hands tighter and lips fall open in a gasp and you let out a mix of a moan and an, “Oh my god Jeongguk I-I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much—” as you orgasm around him. 

He lets out a loud moan at the sudden tightness, not expecting your confession or your orgasm at all and follows soon after, never looking away from you as he comes. He rides out both of your highs before settling his weight on top of you and panting into your chest. 

He laughs, the shaking making you wince at the oversensitivity and he quickly apologizes before sliding out of you and padding over to the restroom to grab a towel to clean you up. You lie there, exhausted as you revel in the aftermath of what had just happened. 

He comes back, with his boxers now on his hips and cleans up you gently before settling next to you and cradling you into him. He kisses your forehead and hugs you tight, “So does this mean you’re finally gonna date me?” 

You giggle into his chest, unable to actually respond. You just shyly nod into his chest and let him chuckle against you and hold your body closer. “I love you so fucking much Y/N.” 

Taehyung chuckles, sipping his coffee. He fidgets with the cup as he mulls over your words. 

You cut in before he can respond, “Taehyung, you’re an awesome guy and I really really did think that it could work but I want to choose something for myself, for once. And I know that this decision is going to make me happy.” 

He smiles up at you, with a sad look in his eyes. “I’m glad you chose what made you happy. That’s all I want for you.” Smiling, you reach over and pat the arm thats resting on the table. “Thank you Taehyung, I really think you’re a great person to know.”

He smiles. “Yeah yeah, I won’t make it awkward for you. Just treat me how you used to before all this happened. But,” he reminds you as he stands up, “if he ever hurts you, know that I’ll beat him up and I’ll be waiting. I’m gonna work out so I can actually take him in a fight.” 

You giggle and stand up with him, and bid him goodbye as you walk over the car where Jeongguk is waiting. As he closes the door after you and gets into the drivers seat, you watch him drive carefully down the familiar street towards home.

And as he laces his fingers in between yours, you smile and watch him, seeing the future and so much more with him. 

“Are you ready for dinner?” 

“Yeah, where at?” 

“Guess,” he grins at you.

“Korean barbecue?” You grin. 

“Exactly. Ready to get shit faced?” 

“Always.” 

thank u for reading! pls read my story talk about this fic! :)