#but like... it’s taken me 24 years to realize i shouldn’t eat food if i don’t like it? that i’m allowed to not finish food if i’m full?

[apolohgy]

.

[mochikeiji]

Exact Replica

Request: "Hi! I really love you're writing and was wondering if you could do prompt 25+29 for Kuroo Tetsuro from Haikyuu? And could it be angst to fluff? (Maybe Kuroo was ignoring the reader due to lots of work/stress so reader feels neglected?) It's totally up to you tho! Ty so much!!"

25. "Would you notice if I was gone?"

29. "I didn't mean it."

↠ Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x F!Reader

↠ Warning: angst to fluff, mentions of pregnancy and kuroo's sad childhood

↬ Word Count: 3.7k

↠ a/n: okay this is my longest one yet. I swear the prompt screams angst to fluff so much that I go into it.

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event

Kuroo Tetsuro achieved many great things in life after graduating from his university, with multiple acknowledgements and honors. Landed a position as a young CEO from a sports association at the age of 24, he had enough money in his pocket and bank to stable both of you financially. Life was good to him after having to build from the roots  of his ruined childhood; the only years of defeat Kuroo doesn't ever want to repeat. His father and mother were in the same position as you both are; owning your own shared house, good working environment, investments and stability, married.

Up until this day Kuroo questions why his parents split. They were fortunate that they had every thing completed, sadly it was the family and love that wasn't taken care of. You could be the happiest person, yet the void inside would still be there, Kuroo thought. Foolish people were to neglect something more valuable than any object that is given. Whether it was his father or his mother that stopped nurturing what they both bonded for the longest time, they were both fools to let each other go over something simple. He vows to never let history repeat itself.

But now the tables seemed to have flipped for the both of you. Your lives not far from what he had ran away from. If Kuroo could eat his words back, he would've now that he was running late yet again to coming home, forgetting about the promise he swore to about joining you after a full month of being occupied in his office. Coming home to have you already tucked in bed, but suffering in silence.

Most days he didn't bother greeting you in the morning and night. As a good wife, you understand. He was a busy man with an important position to maintain.

There were times where you'd be tapping your foot down on the floor as the clock strikes at an ungodly hour with your messages still not bothered to be replied to or even read. But you understand. He's working! Always doing what he can for the both of you like the good husband he wanted to be.

Even if sometimes he'd come home without a kiss or a simple, "I missed you." you understand. He's drained. No time for silly, endearing affections. You've done them a lot before back when you were younger. You're adults! Married! A married partner shouldn't be feeling so needy when the other was only doing their part.

Even when sometimes your insecurities would kick in whenever you'd visit your husband to drop his forgotten lunch again, only to see him flocked by different women; probably secretaries, interns, and assistance.

You understand. You always did took such good care of what you two have.

Well had.

His home office door slams shut, awakening you from your nap on the couch. Didn't Kuroo notice you when he walked in? Looking at the clock you noticed it was near 11:30 PM since he's arrived. Late again, maybe he hasn't eaten anything? No worries, you thought sadly. Stretching your aching muscles, you made your way to the dining area. So far dinner was left untouched once more. Just how many times has it gone to waste because you continued on cooking for two?

Or rather, three.

You beam at the sudden reminder while preparing your husband's plate. You'd always miss him whenever he'd come home, never had the chance to surprise him at the right time of your little discovery about a week ago. Fear did struck you because of the possible reactions he'd give, but you were so excited in sharing the news that a couple would share the equal happiness from, you couldn't contain it any longer.

Maybe you should've chosen another time unbeknownst to you how your husband was hunched over his desk, clearly in displease of the previous events that had occurred during the meeting back in his office. Hence why his work stack added more piles of predicaments, only fueling his headaches more wishing he could just lay down peace and quiet without disturbance.

He grumbles at the knock on his door, only typing furiously with emphasized taps on the keyboard. You, not sensing the emitting aura from the room took it as a response for you to enter. It surprised you a bit on how disordered his home office had become. It was obvious his coat had been thrown carelessly as it lays on the floor, wrinkled. Carefully placing the plate full of food on the small coffee table at the side, you gingerly picked up the article of clothing. Lightly trying to smoothen out the lines before hanging it behind his door and turning back to your husband.

"Tetsu?" cautiously calling out his name, you were kind of wary at the fact he didn't turn to see you unlike he does before whenever you'd enter the room. "I brought you your dinner. You came home pretty late." you tried to maintain the light hearted tone of your voice to hide how nervous you were in telling him the big news.

The atmosphere was kind of eerie when all he did was hum meekly from your words. Feeling a bit disheartened from his lack of attentiveness, still forcing a smile, you padded a little closer behind him with your hands clasps together. "I also wanted— well needed to tell you something." averting your eyes away from him as you prepared in your head. With a small hope he'd turn around for once after a long time.

"Can it be another time? I'm in the middle of stuff here."

Another time.

Why is it always next time? It's frustrating enough to not see him or have him speak to you even for a moment, but this made your stomach churn in an unpleasant way. Frowning at his poor reply, you gulped a few of your sentence back. Not fully trusting your emotions getting in the way, "You never really talked to me before, Tetsu.. I get that you're busy, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a little minute for me."

Even just a second as long as he'd finally notice you.

"(Y/n) if you understand then why bother? You can clearly see I'm busy." chest huffing out a harsh sigh, still not bothering to turn around. Gripping your hands tightly, your patience were starting to snap. "You're always busy, Tetsu! I never had a proper conversation with you again." raising the volume of your voice a little made his actions come to a halt. Chair revolving around to face you. His appearance made it obvious how exhausted he has been; tousled hair that he usually takes longer to style, the light forming bags underneath his eyes from the screen and lack of sleep. The visible annoyance marked in his expression. But couldn't he say the same for you?

"Fine. Here, you have my attention now. Are we talking properly now?" his way of provoking you wasn't in the right place. It only made you look at him in disbelief because you've grown to never meet such side of your husband before. The news you had originally planned to share vanished from your head, replaced with the restrained emotions that has been building up inside your heart, tipping over.

"Tetsu, what is wrong with you?" looking at him now seemed like you were talking to someone else. His words were curt and short with no intention of prolonging the conversation, itching to get back to work so he could be done with it. "I already you I'm just busy. I would be done by now if you didn't want to talk properly with me." he says as if he's the one in distraught. "Seriously, nothing's wrong but I think you aren't. You're never like this."

"That's because you never cared to noticed in the first place!" wailing out the collapsed emotions that has weighed you heavily. It was too late to stop yourself from voicing out the things your husband left aside. A full month of being a good, understanding image of a wife thrown away to the rubbles without even appreciating the the long nights of you waiting up for him, cooking meals even though the next day they'd end up being in the trash, tolerating the coldness of the used to be warm sheets, putting up with the insecurities you took upon yourself to hide to avoid troubling your husband further when all you wanted was for him to assure you that he still loves you and only you.

The fascade you put up just for him crumbles. And it infuriates you more of how he still doesn't notice.

"(Y/n), you know I've been working! There's so much stuff that needs to be attended for just so you and I could live normally!"

"Tetsuro, we are stabled, it's okay to slow down a bit. How is this any normal to you when you don't even realize how this affects me?!"

The chair slides back roughly against the floor with a loud creak as he towers over you. Glowering eyes with a dark expression looming over his face, clearly now enraged. "You're being selfish right now. I'm here doing what I can to support us and all you could think of was you, you, you. Can't you see I'm doing this for you as well? God what else do you want from me, the world?"

"I only wanted you to give me your time and attention even just for a second, Tetsuro! I've been doing my best for you all this month and I never said anything to trouble you!"

It hurts when he said how you were being the selfish one when it was the opposite. It dawned to you that all those days of giving your all for him wasn't once noticed. "Will you ever grow up already? Attention? Really? We're adults, (Y/n) not teenagers for fucks sake. My time is just wasted because of you!" he doesn't stop there even if you've had your mouth already shut from how he portrayed you as. His words were beginning to leave a deep scar in you as you quiet down to the next line.

"If you think that nothing is troubling me, there is! And you just happen to add in for crying out loud!"

There were no words exchanged after his meltdown. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looks away from you— who's eyes were already watery. Unable to even tell your side anymore at the ache of your heart. "So..I'm just troubling you then?" quivering out your words, Kuroo clenches his jaw as the bubbling frustration was being held back with the last bit of restrain he had.

"Would you notice if I was gone, Tetsu?"

Instead of being alarmed by your chosen form of sentence, you watched with sad eyes as your husband pulled back his chair and faced his workload. He didn't even noticed you're already crying silently, "Not now, (Y/n). We'll talk later."

He doesn't even noticed how you walked out sobbing with a shattered heart nor the door in the living room closing. Leaving him alone for the next few hours in peace like he wanted.

Time went on quickly when one doesn't take their eyes off from their consecutive workaholic state. With a groan, he almost slams his laptop shut before stretching his bones, slowly relaxing the tense muscles. It's up to his co workers and assistance to deal with the load he's prepared to dump onto them after they threw all theirs to him. Hoping to freshen up his face, Kuroo tidies his desk up before making his way to the door. Stopping in realization of the now cold dinner that was left on the coffee table.

His stomach growled loudly at the lack of food it's digested in the longest run. It was still good if he heats it up, he does miss eating home made meals than his stale ones back in the cafeteria of his workplace. Grabbing the plate carefully he first made a short journey to the kitchen to heat up his food. Unusual it was to have all the lights out in the house. You'd always leave some opened when he was awake. Then again the guilt started to crawl up to his chest knowing he's the cause of why you'd forgotten.

Now entering the bathroom with water running down his face, he plans ahead the apology he owes you when he wakes up tomorrow morning. He could reschedule his own time since he is the boss. He closes the faucet right after he was done rinsing. Looking around for the towel his eyes caught something below the small organizer you put up next to the sink. Grabbing the towel above the first part of the organizer, bending down slowly to avoid getting cramps, his actions were quick to grab the object that caught his attention the moment it seemed so familiar and surprising.

Pregnancy test. Two lines for positive.

Having a child with you was the last thing he's yet to accomplish from his list, and here it was. As much as he wanted to be in denial, it all felt like surge of contentment drowns him in because he was going to be a dad. However his body began to tremble whilst still holding the test and staring intently at it. The previous guilt that was crawling beneath his bones became a dark, desolated hole of anxiety and fear that ate him whole. The things he's said and done will never be taken back no matter how he apologizes to the past events a few hours ago.

Hours ago. It was already 2:25 when the fight had ceased. Deep down he knows he couldn't wait until the next day to plead for forgiveness. After all, he did vow to never leave you both a day feeling heavy alone. Kuroo felt nauseous of how much of an asshole he had treated you. Like starting a game of volleyball once more, he was beyond nervous when he approached your shared bedroom. There was no excuse of his actions indeed as he solemnly enters the dimmed room. He sighs a little shaky when he closes in your bed, "Baby?" he starts, "Baby, are you awake?" it was one of the little things he's memorized that you'd do when you both aren't in good terms. You never really slept, just pretended because you always had the heart to wait up for him.

When he gets no response he reaches out to pat you, only coming to the sense that the sheets were left untouched; no warmth traced behind. You weren't there, any where. His blood runs cold and immediately fishes out for his phone in his pocket, speed dialing your number while he circles the entire area of the house in case you'd be there. Now he was more terrified when he hears the familiar voice mail from the living room couch where you had slept while waiting for him.

You left your phone. His wife wasn't home— his pregnant wife.

"Fuck." running a rough hand through his tangled hair. The lump on his throat grows but he refuses to let out a string of sobs. It was his fault you were gone at such an ungodly hour. Kuroo felt more than a bigger asshole than before he's made you come to the point of leaving home. Just as his mother did and never returned. The one thing he swore you two would never be the same came to life, only thought now is Kuroo doesn't know whether you've left him for good after being a neglectful husband and to have dishearten his own beloved wife like that.

"Would you notice if I was gone?"

Rang in his head as he stood outside the neighborhood, running. Chasing after a hallucinated image of you any place he tried to remember you'd be in. A fool he has been to have left you in a loveless marriage. He loves you, he really does. He can't imagine a life without you in it. Just as it was about to become the happiest he's wanted, he pushed it all too soon. A bad husband, he cries. "(Y/n), please come home." legs aching and panting from having to study all areas. It was pitch black; there were no opened spots for you to even go at an hour of slumber and chaos. The only convenient store did not even have you in it. You were no where to be seen and Kuroo breaks.

Of course he'd notice when it was all too late. The past he's ran away from was still the place he's returned now that the house was only occupied by nothing but rotten memories of the love he didn't took care of. The exact replica of a married life he desperately tried to dodge. "I'm so sorry." for the lonely nights he's left you to sleep, over thinking of what may have been your fault and always figuring him out tirelessly. For the small efforts of adoration he didn't took a glance at and gone to waste. For the words that were never even meant for you to ever feel. For being a neglectful husband. He was sorry he noticed too late how he ruined his precious wife.

Now he's left you on your own out in the dangers outside. If anything horrible happened to you he will forever be crushed. But the world thinks that second chances are given to those who truly deserve them after you came in quietly, slipping off your sandals and waving back to your friend who had dropped you off home. Your short break to the convenient store changed when you met up with her and drove back to her place to rant about what happened. Being the sluggish person you are whenever sadness hits, you never noticed how long you've over stayed. It wasn't like your husband was going to know if he still was working.

Much to your surprise that he wasn't, you stifled a gasp to find him with his hands holding his head that was leaned down on the table. His shoulders were lightly jolting with escapes of audible sniffles, indicating that he was in fact crying. If he looked exhausted before, it wasn't enough to describe his current state; as if he was a man who'd lost every thing as he sat there with all hope lost. Your foot padded on the creaky part of the floor in attempt to tiptoe over his hunched back to comfort him. Squeaking in the awkward situation you've put the room in when Kuroo turns his head behind to see you standing there a bit frightened, but concerned when you saw how disheveled his face looks.

"Tetsu—" his name got cut off short from when you almost tripped over your balance at the sudden impact of Kuroo throwing himself into your arms with his weight. You couldn't make out what he was mumbling on about, but you melt to his embrace even if he squeezes the living day lights from you, afraid that he was going crazy and you weren't real. "Thank God," litters of kisses were placed on your clavicle, "You're back."

He repeats, slowly convincing himself that you are indeed home in his arms, safe, no harm detected. Just home. "I'm so sorry.."

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of what I said, I-I'm so sorry." your bodies swayed gently to the sound of your hushes and his cries of apologies. "Please don't leave me like that again. I was so scared."

"Shhh, it's okay, Tetsu. I'm sorry. I'm okay— we're okay." leading him to sit down at the couch, you placed the bag of different brands of sweets and junk on the table before facing your husband. You had to stifle in a laugh watching him wipe his nose, you couldn't help but be reminded of a mini Tetsuro by looking at him. The argument that stung you faded when he took a hold of your hands and mumbled another apology.

"You shouldn't be sorry for anything. I should be.." flickering his eyes from your belly to your bloodshot eyes from your own fiasco back in your friend's place, he slides in closer next to you where your shoulders touched. "I haven't been a good husband lately, have I?" he looks at you expectantly. Frowning, you still nodded. Tired of hiding your own feelings from him.

"I know you're busy most of the time, Tetsu. But I just wanted you to recognize me as your wife." thumbs quick to swipe away the tear that had shed from your eye, "We're in this together, remember?" he pulls you right from the arm, shoving your face to his chest in need to hold you for all the times he should've. Ignoring the dampness of his white long-sleeved polo, breathing in the scent of your sweet shampoo. You were still so forgiving and understanding despite on how equally tired as he was you are.

"I'm so sorry I've made you feel as if I never cared anymore. You never deserved that." his lips found it's way to the crown of your head. "I don't deserve you, and I really don't want to lose you after me being stupid." giggling through tears, fist connecting a soft punch on his chest, bubbling a chuckle to the surface as he lightly pulls you away from hiding.

"I really didn't mean all of those things I've said, baby. I love you and only you." stroking ever so lovingly your cheek, you don't catch on to the fact that his other hand was placed over your stomach protectively. Making a silent promise to not only you, but the soon to be new addition to the family that he will never again neglect what he should've cherished more and looked after than the constant worries at the back of his head.

Because he will never again repeat the replica of a broken family he once was born in.

© all content belongs to mochikeiji. Please do not repost or copy, ありがとうございました!! (=^･^=)

[lexibugsblog]

Sharing with Strangers

WARNINGS: N/A, cuddles and fluff

Arvin One Shot

This is my first fan fiction I've ever written so please be gentle :D

Arvin makes it to Cincinnati and gets dropped off at a diner

A red Volkswagen pulls up outside, a man in a baseball cap with a duffel bag throw over his shoulder steps out waving at the other man before he drives off. I look at the clock on the opposite side of the wall, 3:23 A.M. The bell chimes above the door as he strolls in, worn baseball cap still hiding his face.

“Hi, welcome in!” I regenerate my normal greeting. I grab my notepad and make my way over to him,

“What can I getcha’?”

“Just coffee.” He states quietly, glancing out at me from the corner of his eye. “Coming right up,” I notify him, giving him a smile. Once I prepare the coffee I bring it over to him, setting it down on a napkin. “Thank you,” he mutters, this time his head looks up for a split second. I turn to walk away, but he looked in need of some company and there was only one other guest, asleep at a corner booth towards the back of the diner,  so I slide into the corner booth across from him. He finally looks up at me, mouth agape. “How long have you been on the road?” I inquire. 

“How did you-” he takes off his cap, his mused hair adding to his disheveled appearance.

“You look like haven’t had a good meal or a good sleep in a minute,” I explain, he seems a bit taken back at this point, maybe insecure about how he looked, but he shouldn’t be, even worn to the bone he looked drop-dead handsome. 

“So, are you running away from something or to it?”

“Take a guess,” he smiles playfully before taking a sip of his coffee. I laugh a little, lacing my fingers together on the table. I purse my lips, taking him in, his chocolate eyes watching me, awaiting my response. “Running away,”

“Why do you guess that?”

“Your eyes,” I explain, he laugh awkwardly breaking eye contact at that moment.” You have tired eyes, full of woe, not hope, at least not as much as someone who would be running to something. Also, you were hitchhiking, so it must have been abrupt and  really bad whatever it is your running form.” His eyes then flicker back up at me for a moment, nearly brimming with tears. My heart sunk to my stomach, “I’m so sorry! I really didn’t mean to-” I begin apologizing profusely, getting up from the booth.

“No, no really it’s okay,” he gestures back to the booth,” Please stay.” I hesitate as he sniffles, running his hands over his face, pushing away any water that was on the verge of spilling out. “Please.” He says on last time before I take my seat across from him again. “I really am sorry.” I declare one last time. “It’s okay, really,” He assures me, “Its just been a long drive.” I nod, shifting in my seat, trying to break the uncomfortable silence without overstepping again. 

“Where are you headed, if you don’t mind my asking.” I preface this time.

“I don’t know. The man that picked me up said he was headed here, so I’m here.” 

“Where were you coming from?” he opened his mouth to speak, a name on the edge of his lips be he stopped himself, thinking on the answer, “A small town, on the other side of Ohio” I laugh softly to myself. He smiles back at me, eyebrow raised in confusion, “What? You don’t believe me?”

“Nothing,” I smile pushing my hair out of my face, “You just really have this whole ‘handsome mysterious stranger’ thing down pat. You show up at three in the morning to a 24/7 diner, ball cap shielding your face, duffel bag slung over your shoulder. Then when asked where you’re from, you give the vaguest answer a person could get.” He chuckles, once again running his hand through his hair, “You think I’m handsome?” he flirts halfheartedly. I let out a laugh, blush filling both our cheeks as he laughs along with me. He had a beautiful laugh, much lighter then he himself seemed to be. This time, even once our laughter died down, the silence didn’t seem as uncomfortable as before. 

“Look,” I prompt, “how about I make you some food, on the house, I get off at five and we can go back to my place.” he seemed in awe of this offer, hell I was a bit in awe of my offering, but something about him seemed different. I’ve lived in this city my entire life, I had met a lot of people most of them questionable at best, but he had something about him that made him seem like a genuinely good person. “It’s not a lot but its a real bed, at least for the night.” 

“I’d really appreciate that.” he finally answered after a beat.

“Okay,” I give him a nod and a smile before getting up from the booth to prepare him some burger and fries. Time ticked by quickly after he finished eating and I finished cleaning up it was nearly time to go. I finish packing up my sketchbook, and art supplies that had been laid out on the counter before he’d come in when Sarah finally comes in to relieve me. I grab my backpack before heading over to his booth to let him know we could go. “What’s your name by the way?” I ask as he slides out of the booth.

“Arvin, my names Arvin,” he states as he throws his duffel bag over his shoulder. “I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet your Arvin.”

The walk back to my apartment was quiet, I began overthinking things. What if he was some crazy person, I sneak a glance at him, what if he murders me or something once we get back to my place. How could I even begin to politely retract my offer, he looks over at me a shy smile on his lips, as his hand tightens around the strap of his bag. Before I could say anything, we were at my apartment, 

“This is it,” I tell him, as I begin fumbling for my keys. “Hey,” he stops me, “If you’re uncomfortable I can find a motel.” He gives me a sympathetic smile and once again my heart wrenches looking into his bloodshot eyes. He’s been through it, I don’t know exactly what it was but I could tell he needed a little human kindness.

“No, I’m not, just promise...promise you won’t, like, murder me or anything?” I propose, he chuckles sticking out his pinky finger, “I promise,” he says, as I wrap my pinky around his. We both smile inwardly as I finally find the apartment key. After walking up a couple flights of stairs, I open the door to my place, flicking on the lights, as we enter. I sit my things down on the small kitchen island, I shove my hands in the pockets of my bib, becoming a little insecure myself as he looked around. I hated the color of these walls, it must have once been a vibrant orange but over the years has become dull, the pale yellow overhead light not helping. The covers of my bed disheveled, I’d always meant to get into the habit of making it but I never did. He then sat his bag down, moving over to the large window the by the bed, he looked out it, 

“I’m going to change real quick,” I inform him as I meddle through my closet for my pj’s “Feel free to make yourself at home.” I gesture to the whole one room of my apartment. I quickly change into a sweater, shorts, and some comfortable socks before exiting the bathroom only to find him staring at my painting sitting the easel.

“That’s not finished,” I explain, biting my thumbnail, watching him admire the unfinished painting of a naked woman. 

“This is really good.” he compliments. It could be better. It isn’t until he turns around, I stop looking at all the imperfections of the painting and I actually look at him, no more jacket, baseball cap, or even shoes, he looked perfectly at home, as if he was made to be here, at this moment. I wished i could capture this image forever, it almost felt like a dream. 

“Thank you,” I finally say, remembering he paid me a compliment just a moment ago. I shake my head of all the thoughts swirling around in my head as I begin to turn the bed down for him. “I’ll take the couch,” I say pulling the throw blanket off the back of it.

“Definitely not,” he states firmly.

“What?”

“I’ll take the couch, I’m the guest.”

“Which is exactly why you get the bed.”

“I’m not letting you-”

“Look,” I interrupt him for the second time tonight, “I promised you a bed to sleep in tonight, and that what you’re going to get,” I say firmly, he presses his lips together in defeat. “We could share?” my cheeks flushed at the thought, but with my back to him he was none the wiser.” I mean, if that’s okay, I don’t want to make you feel weird or anything, I just..” he begins stumbling over his words, causing a smile to pull on my lips. “Okay,” I say finally turning to him.

“Okay.” he agrees his lips pulled together in a tight smile. As he settles into bed I turn out the lights before joining him. At first, we both lay on our backs, neither of us saying anything. Eventually, I began to hear the patter of rain against the window, and his breathing became more shallow. I finally look over at him for a moment, the neon lights of the outside shining onto him, he really is beautiful, this is the last thought that passes through my mind before drifting off.

*

I wake up the next morning to the sound of a heartbeat thudding in my ear. As I come to I realize my leg is flung across his hips, and his arms are snaked around my body. Part of me felt like I should be freaking out, I only met him yesterday, but a big part of me couldn’t deny how natural and comforting this felt like this was how things were meant to be. Not long after he finally woke, realizing our position he quickly lifts his hands from my body, not all the way, just hovering above where they were.“Im not uncomfortable.” I simply say, and with that his hands return, tightening even. Yeah, this is good. 

Once we finally get up from bed, he takes a quick shower I make us breakfast. He comes out of the bathroom in the same disheveled clothes from yesterday before sitting on a stool at the island. I set a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of him before taking a seat beside him with my own plate.”So, whats next?” I prompt. He takes a bit, thinking about the question for a moment. Selfishly I knew what I wanted his answer to be, but also I could tell he’d been on a long journey before he’d out into the stranger’s van that brought him to hear, and he had a long one left to go. He finally swallows and looks over at me, a boyish grin plastered onto his face, “I think I might stay here for a while if you’ll have me.” I toothy smile spread across my face, he may not be around for long, but I was more then happy to be part of his story, even if just for a little while.

[vintervittrannerd]

True as Sarcasm

By @vintervittrannerd for @whotheheckitheheck

Rating: General

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark 

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, James “Rhodey” Rhodes

Summary: The first time he said it, it was pure sass. But over time, the word started to feel more and more true, until Peter realizes that’s what Tony has become to him. A dad. 

This is for @friendly-neighborhood-exchange, you can read it on Ao3 here :)

The first time he said it, it was pure sass.

He had been back as Spider-man for a few weeks, after the month-long grounding he had gotten after May found out about him swinging around Queens stopping crime after school.

The grounding had been a compromise. May had been absolutely furious with everyone when she first found out (Peter still winced at the memory of her shouting at Tony for what seemed like hours) and had forbidden Peter from going out as Spider-man ever again. Peter had been certain that that had been the end. Once May made up her mind, she very rarely changed it, and she had been angry enough that not even Peter’s otherwise quite successful puppy eyes had worked. But to his astonishment, Tony had, after letting May finishing her shouting, somehow convinced her to let Peter continue his vigilantism. 

  There had to be rules of course. Peter wasn’t entirely happy with all of them, but May and Tony had been in agreement and there was no way Peter could change their minds once they had teamed up against him. The rules included strict curfews for patrolling (10pm on school nights and midnight on weekends), school and homework had to come first, he had to make time for his friends and family, and his sleeping schedule had to still be appropriate for a teenager (though Peter suspected he had quite different views on appropriate bedtimes for a 15 year old than the adults had). He also had to get some actual training, which resulted in an agreement that he should spend every other weekend at the Avengers compound and train with any of the remaining Avengers (which meant either Tony or Rhodey, or occasionally Vision if he was there). He also had to continue his patrol reports, but now directly to Tony, and was under no circumstances allowed to tone down or hide an injury of any kind. Not that he could hide it anyway, because Karen kept a log and reported directly to FRIDAY, and if she deemed any injury severe it would alert Tony the minute it happened. Peter was not very happy about this particular rule, but found it best not to try and hack Karen again. At least not so soon. He figured he would give it a few months at least, and then he and Ned could see if they couldn’t change Karen’s coding without Friday (or Tony) noticing.

And then there was the grounding. Peter had hoped that the, in his opinion, absurd number of rules would be enough of a punishment, but May did not agree.  

“The rules are just to let you be Spider-man at all. The grounding is for lying to my face for months.”

Peter couldn’t really argue with that, and besides he did feel bad for lying to her, so he accepted his punishment with minimal complaint.

And when he was finally allowed back out as Spider-man, things had been so different from how they’d been before the Vulture incident that Peter didn’t quite know how he should behave. Mr. Stark had taken a much bigger part in his life, way beyond what he actually had to according to his deal with May. Not only did he listen to all of Peter’s patrol reports, but he seemed to take a genuine interest in Peter's life, chatting with him about school and friends and Legos. He’d also started to invite Peter to the compound more often, not just for his training sessions, but to work in the lab with him and one time just for a movie night (Tony had claimed that he just needed a third person so a majority could vote against Rhodey's movie suggestions, but after a few minutes of mock betrayal when Peter sided with Rhodey, he had just decided that voting was a bad idea anyway and they should just take turns choosing what to watch on movie nights). And Peter found that he grew more and more comfortable around Mr. Stark, his nervousness and insecurity slipping away and being replaced by a familiarity that he hadn’t expected but definitely welcomed.

Which was how, a few weeks after he’d been allowed out as Spider-man again, Peter found himself in the compound kitchen after a training session with Rhodey while Tony cut up bread rolls and fussed over Peter like a mother hen.

“Have you eaten yet? It’s important to eat after you’ve trained, especially with your metabolism. We don’t want you passing out on us now, do we? Also, water,” Tony tosses a water bottle at Peter and then continues to rummage around in the fridge, pulling out a package of roast beef “you need plenty of water after working out, so drink up.”

Peter can’t help himself, the situation of THE Tony Stark preparing a sandwich for him and pestering him about drinking water is so surreal that the sass just slips out.  

“Yes dad.”

Rhodey snorts behind him and Tony turns to glare at the both of them.

“Very funny. But I have a deal with your scary Aunt and she will have my head if I break it. And I happen to be rather fond of my head.”

“Your deal includes making sandwiches?”

“My deal includes keeping you alive” Tony says with a stern look at Peter, who has a very hard time keeping himself from laughing. “Now shut up and eat your food.”

Peter rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest. He is starving after all.

***

It becomes a thing after that.

In fairness, Peter only sarcastically calls him dad when Tony is really helicopter parenting. In other words, all the time.

And really, who can blame Peter? Tony is, after all, the worst case of helicopter parent that Peter’s ever seen. Seriously, Peter has had four parents during his fifteen years on this planet and none of them has been quite as overprotective as his mentor is.

Peter doesn’t really mind it though. It’s kinda nice to have someone else that looks out for him, besides May. It’s mostly just a fun thing to mock Tony with, especially since he insists that he’s not a helicopter parent and is just being a “responsible adult” (at that, Rhodey had laughed so hard that he nearly fell of the chair he was sitting on and Tony had thrown a half-made sandwich at him).

He doesn’t know when or how it happened. But somewhere during the months of lab days and movie nights and texting each other stupid jokes, the “dad” had stopped being sarcastic and started being…something more. Peter wasn’t really sure what it was, only that Tony fricking Stark, Iron-man, genius, billionaire, philanthropist and arguably the best Avenger, had stopped feeling like just a mentor and started to feel something that was much closer to a real dad. It terrified Peter, but at the same time it made him feel safe and calm. Like he had someone he could lean on. Someone who would never leave him to face the world alone.

And that was precisely the reason he was terrified. Because Peter knew all too well that father figures did leave, even if it was unwillingly. His first father, Richard Parker, had left, died in a plane crash when Peter was four and he still missed him terribly sometimes. His other father, Uncle Ben, had also left, bleeding to death in an alley while Peter held him. And the grief he had for Ben was something he couldn’t even put words on, because it was mixed with guilt. Guilt, because he was the reason Ben had been in that alley in the first place. Guilt, because even with his powers, Peter couldn’t save his life. And guilt, because even though Ben had been his father in every sense of the word and he had loved him so much, Peter had never told him. He’d never called Ben Dad, or told him that he saw him as a father. In his mind, Peter knew Ben must have known anyway, just as Peter knew Ben had seen him as a son even if he never said so. But in his heart, there’s still a stab of guilt. He should’ve told Ben. He should’ve told him how much he meant to Peter.

Peter Parker knows that father figures leave, unexpectedly and painfully, and he knows the guilt that can follow. He knows he can’t always prevent the leaving, but he can prevent the guilt of never telling. And so, he starts to make a plan.

***

Peter has never been this nervous in his entire life. He almost asks Happy to turn the car around and take him back to the apartment at least twelve times on his way to the compound, and when the elevator doors open up to reveal the corridor that leads to the lab, he almost asks FRIDAY to take him back up again.

But he doesn’t. He steps out of the elevator with the small gift bag clutched in one hand and takes a deep breath. He reminds himself that he’s a superhero and that he’s supposed to be brave and that really, this shouldn’t even be something to be afraid of in the first place. Really, it’s just a small present. It’s just Tony. It just happens to be Father’s Day.

Tony looks up from his workbench when Peter enters the lab and blinks several times at him. He looks disheveled and tired and Peter suspects that he has spent at least the past 24 hours in the lab.

“Peter? Is something wrong? Wait, shit, did I miss that this was a compound weekend?”

He looks stressed and guilty enough that Peter rushes to reassure him.

“Oh, no, everything’s fine! Just… Rhodey said you weren’t busy today” (actually Rhodey’s exact words had been “It’ll do him good to be dragged out of his lab for a while, he could use the break”) “and so I asked Happy to drive me here cause… uhm, I just… I wanted to… I-I mean I just thought…” Why can’t he form a full sentence? His brain refuses to be of any help at all, so Peter gives up on trying and just holds out the gift bag to Tony “Here.”

Tony accepts the bag with an odd look on his face. “What’s this?” When Peter just blushes and doesn’t answer, Tony carefully pulls the gift out of the bag.

It’s a mug, the kind of mug that you could get in any gift shop, red with the words “World’s Greatest Dad” written on it. Only Peter had made it a bit more personal and had drawn a small golden Ironman helmet to the side and added the word Iron, so the mug now says “World’s Greatest IronDad”. Tony’s eyes go wide when he sees it. He stares at it, blinks slowly and continues staring as if he can’t quite believe it’s real.

Peter wonders if it is too much. If it is too little. If Tony will just assume it is a joke gift. If, maybe, it would be better if he thinks it’s a joke gift.

Tony is still staring at the mug.

Peter thinks maybe he hates it. Maybe he’ll look at Peter and tell him to take his mug and all its implications and get out of his lab. Maybe he’ll distance himself from Peter again. Maybe…

Tony sniffs and turns away, blinking furiously and swiping a hand at his eyes.

Now it’s Peter’s turn to stare.

“Mr. Stark…are you…are you crying?”

“No” Tony sniffs again, and his voice sounds suspiciously shaky. “It’s just that the air in here is very dry and it makes my eyes water. It’s a perfectly normal thing.”

“The air humidity is at a very normal level,” FRIDAY comments. “It should not affect your eyes in any way, boss.”

Tony glares at the ceiling and mutters something that sounds like “snitch”. Peter can’t stop himself from snorting and Tony turns his glare at him instead. However, the glare quickly melts into a look so soft and full of love that not even Peter's overanxious brain can doubt it. And finally, he dares to say the words he came here to say, the simple yet terrifying words he’d turned over and over in his head, wondering if he had any right to say them. The look in Tony's eyes wipes away all of Peter’s worries. So, he says it, and he means every single word.

“Happy Father’s Day, dad.”

[solarwindswriting]

Oh, The Places You’ll Go

Chapter 6

First Chapter / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Loosely inspired by the song Greek Tragedy by the Wombats

Pairing: Scotty x FemalePresenting!Reader

Word Count: 1802

Summary: Y/n and Scotty get to know each other better over a late night cup of tea.

Warnings: none that I can think of

A/N: I mentioned it in a separate post, but something came up recently that has taken my will to write fluff like this right out of me. So sorry, but since this is the last prewritten part I have, I’m going to take a bit of a break. Thank you guys for understanding!

Tags: @mournthewicked @damalseer​

Scotty had finished his prep for the away mission after his break with Y/n, Sara, and Keenser. That was the first time in about 10 years since he’s danced, let alone with someone else. It took him twice as long to finish preparing as he got lost in his thoughts. How Y/n’s hands held so tight to his, or how her hips swayed to the music, or how laughter fell from her lips like the song of fairies on the Scottish hillside. Scotty shook his head as he walked into the mess hall. Grabbing a tray, he looked around the room to see who was there. He saw Y/n sitting with a group of the younger crew, he’d hate to be the oldest one sitting there. He finally saw Spock and Bones eating at a table in the corner. On his way, he hears Y/n say something rather enthusiastically.

“Fine! Yes, I like Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott in an unprofessional way.” she laughs.

He makes eye contact with Sara who was facing him, Y/n soon turning to see him as well. Y/n jumps up and leaves before he can say anything. Sara follows her soon after stopping in front of him.

Sara’s mouth opens and closes a couple of times, trying to find the right words. “If what I saw earlier is true, you need to tell her.”

His brow still stitched together, he sits with Bones and Spock.

“Oh, good. Someone who can settle this debate...” Bones starts.

Scotty mindlessly eats his food as the two commanders continue to debate about whether a certain civilization is ready for the first contact or not. He finishes his food about 30 minutes later, getting up to leave.

“Woah, Scotty, you’re not even going to add a story about your grandmother?” Bones asks.

“Ah, not tonight, gotta prepare for tomorrow,” he lies, leaving the mess hall without another word.

Scotty goes to deck 5 to go to bed. But before he realized it, he’s knocking on someone's door.

***

Y/n opens the door, shocked to see Scotty standing there, bright red cheeks and all.

“Um, can I help you?” Y/n squeaks out, pulling the robe tightly around her body.

“Ay, lassie, can I come in?” He asks with a slight cough coming up.

“It’s sort of late, shouldn’t you be in bed?” She starts. “We have a pretty big mission tomorrow, after all.”

“ I couldn’t help but overhear what you said in the mess hall and thought I ought to come to talk to you,” Scotty almost whispers, looking at the ground.

“No need. I know you don’t feel that same. I’m fine with leaving it at that. Have a goodnight, Lieutenant Commander.” Y/n steps back to close the door, when Scotty sticks out his foot, preventing it from doing so.

“Lassie, will you just listen for just a minute?” He looks at her in the eyes finally.

She steps to the side, lifting her arm, motioning for him to come in. He looks around her personal quarters. Shelves littered with nick nacks from all over the galaxy, and books with worn spines in languages he couldn’t recognize.

“Can I get you anything? Tea? A beer?” She asks, walking to her replicator.

“Tea sounds nice,” he mutters, looking around still.

On the wall hung four certificates; two bachelors in biology and physics, certification in the handling of hazardous material, and training for command of a ship. He walks up to the mall table with two chairs and takes a seat. On the table sat a bowl of fruit and a framed photo of younger-looking y/n, and Sara, an older woman that looks shockingly like Y/n except with completely black iris’, and a dog at what looks like a fair.

Y/n sets a mug in front of Scotty, and peers at the photo. Scotty notices how her hand shakes as she sets down the mug.

“That was from my first year in the academy, back when I thought I was going to be a captain of my very own starship,” Y/n hums to herself, shaking her head side to side softly, taking a seat across from Scotty. “So, go ahead, you have a minute.”

“You have a dog?” Scotty procrastinates the topic as long as he can.

“Yeah, he belongs to my mom. Full bred German Shepard. Why she insisted he be full-bred, I’ll never know. He’s the dumbest creature in all the galaxy though.” She pauses before continuing, “You’re deflecting.”

Scotty takes a deep breath and sips from his mug before starting. “Now, lassie, I’ve been doing this job a very long time. And I threw myself even deeper into it once I thought I’d never find someone to spend my spare time with. I even tried a few times, getting out there and doing the whole dating thing. With this line of work though, there were times when I simply couldn’t be there like I should have been and I hurt those I care deeply about. But I’ve got to be honest with ye, I canne stop thinking about you. And I truly thought myself selfish. You’re so much younger than me, you see. I assumed you’d never think the same of me, some old man who works in engineering. But then we started to have tea most evenings, and I let myself lean into getting to know you, which just made things worse for me.” Scotty chuckles, sipping from the mug, looking anywhere but Y/n.

Y/n noted how his words became thicker with his accent the longer we went on and how he said that all in seemingly one breath. She didn’t know how to respond, that was the last thing she had expected him to say. So she stayed silent, sipping from her mug, waiting to see if he had anything left to say.

“Wait, you were training to become a captain? Well, that explains the odd Starfleet insignia you wear.” Scotty chuckles looking at the woman he was pretending he didn’t just admit his feelings to.

Y/n looks at him confused, shaken by his sudden shift in demeanor and topic.

“I um, yes. But I don’t see how that pertains to what we’re talking about,” she looks at him, head tilting and eyebrows stitching together.

Y/n, quite frankly, didn’t know what to say. She just looks at him for a good long while.

“Should I go, lassie?” Scotty starts to stand up.

Y/n stands, letting go of her death grip on her robe, and grabs his hand.

“You’re much better with words than I am, Montgomery. And I think you think I’m much younger than I am,” her words come out rushed, almost as quickly as her heart is beating.

“How old are you?” Not until now does he realize he never found out her age.

“I’m 29,” she chuckles.

“Really? I wouldn’t have guessed a day over 24,” Scotty speaks, almost shocked.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Y/n chuckles out before looking up at him with hope filled eyes. “Does that mean you’ll stay and finish your tea?”

Scotty smiles and sits back down, “I’ll stay as long as you’d like, Y/n.”

“I think that unwise, Lieutenant Commander. We do still have a mission to attend to tomorrow.” She chuckles out, sitting back down, herself.

Only now did Scotty notice her robe had fallen open to reveal a strawberry speckled nightie. Shifting slightly in his seat, he averts his gaze, sipping from his cup, and notices something interesting in the photo.

“Oh! I’m sorry, should I go change?” Y/n asks, slightly uncomfortably.

“No, no, it’s fine, lass.” He hums, reaching for the photo to take a closer look.

He squints at the ruby ring on Y/n’s left hand in the photo.

“Were you once married, Y/n?” Scotty asks inquiringly.

Y/n chokes on her tea, coughing to catch her breath. That’s not a question someone had asked her in a long time.

“Um, almost,” she coughs, still clearing out her throat.

“What happened?” He looks to his right, so he can make eye contact with her.

“She, um, wasn’t a very good person and I wasn’t doing great when I was with her. Took me almost getting married and dozens of people telling us we were too young to finally realize it though.” Y/n sighs, finishing her tea and placing the mug in the little sink.

“Ah, I see,” Scotty responds, setting the picture down. “Sorry, for asking.”

“No, it’s fine. I should expect people to ask when I have a photo of me wearing an engagement ring for everyone to see.” She says, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

Scotty stands up with his mug, walking to one of the shelves filled with books, and scans the spines. He likes to think of himself as a reader, but he never reads things in different languages. He barely knew other earth languages, not to mention any alien ones. Sure, he picked up a few phrases, but that was it. He notices how many series of books there were among the singles. He reaches for a thin book that was in English as he sips his tea. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. He looks over his shoulder as Y/n, eyebrow raised. Y/n was now leaned up against the wall her bed was propped against, legs crossed, robe discarded, and blanket on her lap.

“Isn’t this book for young girls and hopeless romantics?” Scotty questions, sliding the book back into its place on the shelf.

“Until a few moments ago, you thought I was both,” she chuckles.

Scotty finished his tea, placing the mug into the sink like Y/n had done just a minute before.

“I should probably leave. We have a big day tomorrow lassie.” Scotty turns to Y/n.

Y/n stands and follows Scotty to the door. He turns around before opening the door and sees she didn’t put her robe back on. He willed himself to look at only her face. She leaned in, placing her hands on his shoulder, and kiss’ him on the cheek. Before she can pull away, he gently places his hand on her lower back, pulling her in for a kiss on the lips.

Time seems to stop for only a moment. The only thing in the galaxy that mattered to him was her in this moment. Y/n, with her soft lips, her silky nighty, and her soft grip on his shoulders. The moment ended just as quickly as it had started.

“Goodnight, lassie,” He smiles, still holding her close.

“Goodnight, Monty,” Y/n breaths out before stepping away from him.

I made a Spotify playlist to go along with the story since I use music a good bit. There will be music from unpublished chapters though. So listen at your own risk.

[kitaychan]

We need to talk.

Summary: After a breakup, Ivan realizes his life was not as fullfilling as he had thought. Reaching out to old friends might prove to be a slow task with interesting outcomes.

Chapter Preview: The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Chapter 3: We are idiots.

“Let’s chat a bit.” Alfred said once he stepped into the apartment.

The American made a beeline to the kitchen, setting down the bag he carried from the store and turning on the stove.

Ivan stayed dumbfounded in the entrance until embarrassment took over him. “You don't need to do that.”

Alfred laughed, rummaging through the counters.“Of course, I do. Let me be.”

Ivan closed the door and decided to watch the American from the kitchen door. Knowing that he was just as unyielding if not much more than himself.

Setting a frying pan in the fire, Alfred asked. “So, why are you all disheveled?”

Ivan sighed, glancing at the window. The city was visible from there, full of bright lights and tall buildings. He remembered liking the view at the beginning, but now, it resembled a painting or a picture where he was out of the frame, it did not feel like a place where he actually spent his days.

He replied shortly. “I can't find Boris”

Alfred turned his head and raised an eyebrow. “Boris is your cat, right? I can’t believe you used that name, it sounds so weird.”

The Russian laughed. “And whose fault is that? I wanted to give him another name.”

Alfred focused back on his task and muttered. “I did not rescue that cat for you to name him Vodka... or Boris”

Ivan scoffed back. “Boris was appropriate for that cat, he survived a fire, he is totally a Boris. I don't know, but I'm getting the feeling that he won't come back.”

Without turning to look at him, Alfred replied. “Oh, that sucks man. When was the last time you saw it?”

This was the difference between Tolys and Alfred; while one was constantly worried and on edge, the other was laid-back and direct. The Russian mentally smacked himself, he shouldn't be doing such comparisons.

Ivan looked up, the last time he saw Boris was on Thursday. When he opened his door late at night and found out that Tolys had moved out. The fluffy cat had been playing around with a sock.“Last night.”  He answered.

The smell coming from the kitchen was getting stronger, even though it looked like Alfred was frying something, the smell reminded Ivan how hungry he actually was. The Russian tried to peek at what the other was doing but the American kept on blocking his view.

Alfred hummed “Don’t be so negative. Did you try putting some of his food outside?”

The Russian looked down at the untouched bowl of cat food. Feeling tiredness all over him again.  “No, I don't think he’ll come back”

“Why not?”

Ivan fixed his gaze on Alfred’s back, he was taking a dish from the top counter. “I haven’t paid much attention to him lately.”

Alfred’s reply was simple. “It’s a cat, they don’t need you around 24/7.”

Ivan sighed, glancing at the door. “Well, no. I just guess he found someone better, someone who pays attention to him and loves him more.”

Alfred’s footsteps approached, his voice was closer too. “But you love your cat, don't you?”

“Well, yes but I don't blame him for leaving me.”

Ivan looked at Alfred, he was placing two plates in the table. the Russian felt a smile creeping on his lips. He should’ve expected the homemade hamburgers, they were Alfred’s signature food.

The american returned to the kitchen, taking two glasses and a big soda. “Well, you can only hope for him to return. Meanwhile, we are going to find a good picture of Boris and post it in some missing pets groups, we could also print some and place them around, if someone sees it, they'll call.”

“That's a good idea.”

The drink was poured and Alfred handed him a glass. “Here, eat.”

Taking it, the Russian smiled softly, Ivan was glad not to be alone. “Thank you, Fredka”.

"It's fine dude."

They ate in silence, except for the occasional questioning about flavor that Alfred asked.

Once finished, Ivan retrieved the plates to the kitchen, starting to wash them.

This time, Alfred was the one watching him, the American leaned on the doorframe.

"Ivan…"

"Yes?"

The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes."Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Sighing, Ivan turned back to Alfred, giving him an apologetic look. "See? I didn't want to tell you because it's just something you can't fix."

Alfred followed him to the living room. "Well, I never said it had to be fixed. You just have to overcome it, eventually. How are you feeling?"

Ivan was weary of having this conversation but perhaps it was the time for him to speak up about it. He took a seat and fidgeted with the remote. "Horrible, all I could say to him was "I hope you are happy" like I wasn't even mad, I don't know what's wrong with me, but all I felt at that moment was apathy. The sadness only got to me when I came back and noticed he had packed his things and left."

"Well, it's not wrong, you just didn't process the situation, that's completely normal."

"Is it?"

"Yes, I see it all the time, with the people we rescue, some of them get into a state of shock, they can't move, talk or hear. Some stay paralyzed, looking at the flames while we have to carry them outside."

Alfred took the control from his hands, taking one into his and rubbing circles in his palm.

"At least you reacted the same day, some people take days, months or even years to face the situation."

Ivan relaxed his posture, Alfred's hands were warm, unlike his own. "But you are talking about emergencies, about fires, I am talking about something harmless."

Alfred's blue eyes focused on his, worry was coating Alfred's usually smiling face. "Vanya, if you are so affected by it, then it isn't harmless."

Ivan dismissed with his hand, the warmth that Alfred was giving him was lost with the movement. "But I am not affected, I just got vacations in the worst moment possible."

Alfred started to change the channels. "Perhaps it is for the better. You can take some time for yourself."

Ivan whined. "But I don't want it. Being alone makes me think about what Tolys said."

"And what did he say?"

The words were easy to remember, they were repeating in his mind like a broken record since the brunette had uttered them. "That I was not prepared to compromise, that I only cared about myself."

"Is it true?"

The question surprised him, he was expecting Alfred to reassure him, to deny, instead, he was questioning the veracity of those words.

He couldn't hide his confused tone. "What?"

"Those words, are they true?"

A wave of frustration passed over him, the Russian replied hesitantly. "I.. I don't know… I can't see those behaviors in myself."

Alfred sighed, placing a hand on the Russian's shoulder. "Well, I can't say much because we have been apart for so long, but sometimes you’d get absorbed in your work, perhaps that's what makes you look self-centered."

"Perhaps…" Ivan echoed.

"You should really give yourself a break, travel somewhere, have new experiences. It'll be good for you."

Ivan was relieved, Knowing Alfred will not let him indulge in self-pity but wouldn't attack him either made him feel safer. "Thanks, Alfred."

The American snorted. "It's funny, I wouldn't have pictured myself having this conversation when we were in high school."

Alfred was right, they couldn't stand seeing each other back then, they only grew closer by the end of the last school year. "Me neither."

The American embraced him tightly. "It's nice to have you as my friend, Ivan. I really appreciate you and if you need anything, you can always ask me, ok?"

Ivan returned the embrace. "Thanks, you can count on me too, Fredka."

Alfred jerked back and shook him a bit, talking excitedly. "Oh, I almost forgot, guess whose house almost catch fire two days ago?"

Ivan chuckled. "Was it Mr. Kirkland's again?"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "No, well yes but that's a current occurrence this one was new. Do you remember Yao?"

Ivan averted his gaze."I.. yes, I do."

Alfred took out his phone and started to scroll down in it. " His cousin was visiting, and the guy is a little enthusiastic with firecrackers, he almost burns the whole house."

Ivan didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to stay silent either, Alfred would get suspicious as always. "Oh"

The American looked up at him. "Hey, did you ever talk to him again?"

"What?"

Alfred tilted his head to the side. "You used to be so close. I supposed you would reach out to him after school"

Ivan shook his head quickly. "No, I didn't."

Alfred showed him his phone. "Perhaps you should, he looks just like he did when we were in high school. I told you, the guy must be a vampire or something, not a single wrinkle in all these years."

Alfred had taken a selfie with him, and the blonde was right, the Chinaman seemed not to age at all. He still had that serious expression in his face, those black locks of hair contained in the usual ponytail. He seemed to be displeased, maybe not happy to have the firefighters in his house.

Ivan chuckled. "It hasn't been that long Alfred."

The American glanced intently at the phone screen. "But still, he looks like he's twenty."

"Alfred, you do so too"

Alfred gave an undignified gasp. "Because I am still in my twenties, thank you very much. This confirms my suspicions."

"Alfred, he's not a vampire."

The conspiracy had been going around Alfred's head since he was a teenager, Ivan couldn't believe he still held into it.

Alfred shook his head, asserting. "No, he isn't, he might be an alien or a spy. Yes, I think the commies got him years before and this guy I saw it's just a replacement."

Ivan laughed lightly, Alfred had accused him of being a spy since he entered the school. It had become an internal joke after all these years. "Why would he be a spy?"

"I don't know dude, it's suspicious. One would think that you had something to do with it, Mr. Kuryakin."

They both laughed, Alfred took off his glasses and whipped away some tears. "But for real, I think you should talk to him."

Ivan frowned. "Why? we don't talk to each other anymore."

"Hey Ivan, did he do something to you?"

Here it was, Alfred's never-ending questioning."For the hundredth time Fredka, he didn't."

Alfred accused."Then why did you changed so much and stopped talking to him?"

The American's imagination was troubling when it came to this matter, Ivan couldn't convince him otherwise, not even after denying it for so long. He decided to give him a short reply. "Because I realized I spent too much time with him, and that wasn't very good."

Alfred shrugged, turning his attention back to the TV. "I admit, it was a bit strange, but I can't judge."

Ivan elbowed him lightly. "No you can't, Mr. I have a crush on Professor Kirkland."

Alfred seemed delighted, snickering his reply. "Hey, don't bother me with that, I got him to accept a dinner the last time he burnt his kitchen."

" Did you?"

Alfred beamed. "Yes, he was a douche about it, as he always is, but he begrudgingly accepted."

Ivan shook his head. "Fredka, you have a horrible taste in people. Why do you fix your attention in the bitter ones? You are so cheerful and bright."

"Says the one who dated me."

Now was Ivan's turn to gasp.

Alfred looked down and muttered. "You know, I kinda knew it wouldn't work out."

Ivan mirrored him. "Yes, me too." He chuckled. "We are idiots."

Alfred laid back on the couch. "Yeah, but don't take Tolys words to the heart. I admit, you are difficult to handle but you are not bad or undateable."

"Difficult?"

Alfred scratched his head. "Well, I never told you this, but you are so competitive, sometimes I would get super paranoid that you'd get bored of me."

"Alfred-"

The American interrupted."No, it wasn't your fault, it's just, you always work so hard and eventually get a promotion and I couldn't stop myself from feeling a bit jealous and also stuck."

Ivan knitted his eyebrows, glancing at Alfred's hands, they were always warm, yet, they've never been soft. He had worked since they were in the last high school year. "Alfred, you are the chief of the fire department."

Alfred nodded but spoke rapidly, fixing his gaze on the floor. "Yes but you are working in an embassy, speak four languages, that can be a bit too much for some of us. It's not bad because after all, it's you, but as a partner, sometimes I'd get the feeling that you were above me and that I wasn't enough. You also seemed distant, like I didn't need your constant validation so I didn't care too much about it, but perhaps Tolys did care about it, and that's why he said you had commitment issues."

That's was an unexpected insight. Ivan's words were coated with concern. "Alfred, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Alfred looked him in the eyes, clearly frustrated but also confident in his words. "Because it didn't seem like a big deal, and we were going through a rough patch back then, I didn't want to make it worse."

Ivan stared back for a while, unsure of what to say. "Alfred, I'm sorry-"

Alfred shook his head, his tone alarmed "No, don't apologize, those things weren't your fault, it was more of a self insecurity stuff."

Ivan hugged the American tightly. "Thank you, Alfred."

Alfred returned the embrace laughing. "You are too affectionate tonight, Vanya. Remember I have a date with Kirkland this week. Sorry, but the firefighter is taken."

Ivan paused, processing Alfred's words, then he burst out laughing.

He was glad to have Alfred around.

[dweetwise]

a short one this time, ft. a lighthearted breakfast together <3

ship: felix x ace warnings: none word count: 2350

[previous] [next]

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire (part 4)

Ace had a pretty good feeling about this morning.

He'd tried to slip away gracefully to avoid the awkward morning after, but Felix had stopped him. In Ace’s opinion, getting in some silly chatter and morning cuddles was much preferable to a walk of shame before the sun was even fully up. At the very least, it beat going to his room to start the day with a shot of gin from the mini bar like he’d originally planned.

Felix had seemed much more relaxed this morning, though he was still awkward; at this point, Ace just accepted it as part of his charm.

Suggesting to get breakfast together was a spur-of-the-moment idea—as if Ace ever had any other ones. As soon as the opportunity to spend time with Felix in a casual setting where Ace didn’t smell like week-old-liquor presented itself, Ace took it, and Felix happily accepted.

Which is why Ace wasn’t really nervous when returning to his room to get more presentable. He even had time to start cleaning his messy room in preparation for Felix's visit for tonight, because after only a quick shower and even quicker internal debate between two different shirts, Ace was ready to go.

And from the way Felix's gaze immediately drops to said shirt, he seems to have made the right choice.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Ace offers with a grin, pleased with picking the navy blue button-up with a pineapple print.

It's cute how quickly Felix's nervous demeanor seems to calm down in Ace’s company. He goes from tense and running a hand through his hair to smiling in just a second, whatever he was fretting about momentarily forgotten.

“I was worried I'd be late,” Felix says, stepping into the elevator and coming to stand way closer to Ace than is appropriate.

But this time, they don't have an audience that would make it awkward.

“You really do worry way too much,” Ace offers with a carefree smile.

“I've been told that,” Felix smiles sheepishly, before his eyes are drawn downward, to the second button of Ace's shirt that he deliberately left unbuttoned.

Following suit, Ace lets his own gaze roam appreciatively over Felix's outfit, a sadly not as tight tee with a tasteful, open vest and snugly fitting washed denim jeans. His hair is loose and looks even softer than it was in the morning.

All in all, he looks extremely kissable.

“I like the look,” Ace says, meeting Felix's eyes. And if he tilts his head up in silent invitation, nobody can prove it.

“Me too,” Felix says, returning a small smile, before flustering. “I mean—your look. The outfit,” he explains.

And somehow, the awkward floundering makes him even more kissable.

Sadly, the elevator ride isn't infinite, and they arrive at the lobby floor before Ace can instigate a make-out session.

“Shall we?” Ace offers with a smile.

“After you,” Felix agrees, oh-so-polite.

They give their room numbers at the restaurant counter, and then are off to the breakfast hall that’s somewhat crowded despite the late hour. Ace isn't surprised that people decided to sleep in after the rude wake-up in the middle of the night, but the crowd does make it somewhat of an annoying experience.

Luckily, he has company to keep him entertained while they wait in line.

Felix trails after him, which Ace doesn't mind in the slightest, but it's only when the German stops in front of the cereal section and looks at him meaningfully that Ace cocks his head in confusion.

“You were supposed to help me pick,” Felix says, deadly serious.

Ace tries not to laugh that Felix seemed to take his earlier invitation literally. He really shouldn’t be surprised at the man’s quirks anymore.

And that's how Ace ends up improvising a three-minute lecture about why corn flakes are superior to muesli.

“I see,” Felix says, nodding in understanding, reaching for the cereal—

And choosing muesli.

“Hey!” Ace exclaims, mock offended. “Didn't you listen to any of what I just said?”

“Yes. I just don't agree,” Felix says, way too nonchalant, spooning the cereal onto his bowl. “I like this one better.”

“It has raisins!” Ace exclaims, flabbergasted.

“I like raisins,” Felix points out.

“Oh, babe,” Ace sighs dramatically, shaking his head. “And here I thought you had taste.”

Ace quickly peeks back up at Felix, needing to make sure he didn't take the joke personally.

“Shut up,” Felix snorts, elbowing Ace. “Come on, let's go argue about juice next.”

After a brief conversation about juice ("Who the hell drinks apple juice!?" "I don't like the texture of orange pulp") followed by going through the rest of the breakfast selection together, Ace discovers that Felix is an incredibly picky eater.

When they sit down at a table, the difference between his and Felix's servings is hilariously prominent.

Felix's plate holds two pieces of toast, a fried egg and some sliced fruit, compared to Ace's overflowing plate featuring 90 % of the entire breakfast selection.

Usually Ace wouldn’t care about other people’s eating habits, but the knowledge makes him a little nervous about their dinner.

“Really adventurous with the white toast, I see,” Ace teases.

“At least I don't have bacon with pancakes,” Felix shoots back.

“I ran out of room on my plate!” Ace protests, but Felix only smirks behind his cup of coffee. “So, what kind of food do you like?” Ace prods, digging into his meal.

“I don't really have a preference,” Felix says diplomatically.

But Ace can smell the bullshit a mile away.

“Really?” Ace asks, raising an eyebrow. “So you wouldn't mind if I picked the place for dinner tonight?" he teases, only to realize something. “Uh… we're still on for that, right?”

“I hope so,” Felix says, smiling bashfully.

"Good, just checking!" Ace grins. "Well, since you're not picky… how about a Mexican place? What about sushi? Or an oyster bar?”

Predictably, Felix cringes at his suggestions.

“I'm… not great with spices or raw fish,” Felix admits.

“Or?” Ace pushes.

“Steak, shrimp, mushrooms, tofu, kebab, or greasy food in general,” Felix lists and Ace tries not to look too confused at how someone can so nonchalantly rule out entire food groups.

“What about Italian?” Ace asks.

“I don't like pizza, either,” Felix says apologetically.

“I'm not taking you to a pizza place for a first date!" Ace protests, while simultaneously trying to figure out how someone can not like pizza. "I was wondering how you feel about pasta or risotto?”

“That…” Felix considers. “Actually sounds nice.”

“Italian it is!” Ace grins victoriously. “I'll find a nice restaurant, just leave it to me.”

“Alright,” Felix says with a small smile.

“Now…” Ace says, realizing he's been running his mouth instead of actually eating. “Excuse me while I stuff my mouth with bacon pancakes.”

Felix huffs out a quiet laugh before following his example.

They eat in silence, or as much relative silence as a bustling dining hall allows. Ace does his best to not eat like a pig, feeling Felix’s stare on him as the other sneaks glances. After not having had any food for 24 hours, Ace is kind of surprised he didn't pass out in the parking lot, especially after the bright idea to have a few drinks on an empty stomach.

“So, how…” Ace trails off mid-sentence as he suddenly notices a couple of pigtails sticking up right beside him, narrowly missing the kid’s head when he reaches for his coffee.

“Good morning!” the kid, a little girl, beams up at him.

“Uh, hey there,” Ace says, a little taken aback at why this random child is approaching him.

“Hello,” Felix jumps into the conversation, getting the girl’s attention. “We meet again.”

Ace shoots Felix a weird look; does he know the kid?

“Did you remember to give him your number?” the girl asks Felix, tilting her head in curiosity.

A grin spreads over Ace’s face in realization, while Felix only clears his throat self-consciously. Ace didn’t really pay much attention to their company in the elevator last night, but the girl clearly remembers them.

“He did, yeah,” Ace says, shooting Felix a smug look over the table.

“Good,” the girl huffs, before turning back to Felix. “You need to stop being so forgetful, mister!” she accuses, hands on her hips.

Ace bites his lip to stop from chuckling as Felix flounders for an excuse to this sassy eight-year-old.

“You’re right,” Felix settles on. “It was silly of me, I’ll try to do better.”

While Felix is talking, the kid seems to get distracted, standing up on her tiptoes to peer into Felix’s now empty cereal bowl.

“What did you eat?” the girl asks, like a typical nosey kid.

“I had some yogurt with muesli,” Felix explains, way more patient than Ace would be in his situation.

“Do you like Froot Loops?” the kid asks.

As Felix calmly explains that the cereal in question isn’t his favorite, Ace starts discreetly scanning the room for the girl’s mother. He tolerates kids just fine, but he’d rather not have one ruin his unofficial date with Felix. Hopefully, the girl isn’t lost or something—

“There you are!” a woman appears from the crowd and gives the kid an exasperated look, Ace distantly recognizing her from the elevator last night.

“Hi mom!” the girl interrupts her cereal debate with Felix to greet the woman.

“I’m so sorry, I swear she was right behind me a second ago—” the woman glances at Ace and Felix apologetically, steering her daughter away with a hand on her small shoulders.

“No worries,” Ace defuses with a smile. “Kids, huh?”

“Always getting into trouble,” the woman agrees with a sigh, grabbing the girl’s hand. “Come on now, let’s go back to our table.”

“Bye, misters!” the girl calls.

“Goodbye,” Felix offers, and even Ace forces a smile and wave as the pair disappear into the rush of the dining hall.

“So, you got any kids?” Ace asks, having noticed how patient Felix was with the girl.

“No, I… maybe in another life,” Felix says, sounding melancholy, and Ace realizes there's probably more to that story. “Um. You?” Felix asks, clearly not wanting to elaborate.

“Nah,” Ace says. “I have a niece, though. She's a real demon. Great kid.”

“That sounds accurate,” Felix says, smiling. And somehow, Ace gets the overwhelming feeling Felix would be a great dad. “At least she has an interesting uncle.”

“Oh, you don't know the half of it!” Ace grins, taking the opportunity to tell Felix about some of his more memorable moments with his niece.

All too soon, they finish the last of their breakfasts and Ace offers to walk Felix to his room.

“Thanks for the company,” Ace says when they’re coming up to Felix’s door.

“You as well,” Felix says.

“See you tonight?”

“I'll call you,” Felix promises. “I should be available around five."

“Can't wait,” Ace grins.

Felix turns to his door, but then almost instantly whips back around to face Ace. His gaze flicks obviously to Ace's lips as he swallows.

“I have an hour before I need to leave for my meeting,” Felix says. “If you want…”

Ace's gut flutters at the implications, but then he remembers he has things to do. Though he'd much rather make out with Felix than go find a fence or shady pawn shop that will buy his shit, now is not the time.

“Sorry babe, I've got some errands to run,” Ace says good-naturedly, pretending not to see how Felix deflates in disappointment.

“I see,” Felix says.

“I'll make it up to you later,” Ace promises.

“It's okay, I should prepare for my presentation anyway,” Felix says, and upon the mention of his work, instantly seems more tense.

“Well, good luck with your work thingy. I'll be waiting to hear from you!” Ace says with fake cheer.

“Right,” Felix says, reaching for his door. “See you later.”

When the door closes in front of his face, Ace can practically feel the anxiety radiating from within the room. Ace really has his hands full, if he's going to get the guy to relax and forget about his work like he promised.

In the next thirty minutes, Ace ends up turning his own hotel room upside down while he scours it for valuables. He finds the watch he was looking for, as well as an earring behind the headboard, and some spare poker chips in one of his jacket's pockets.

He can’t help but smirk as he runs his fingers over the poker chips; it looks like destiny is trying to point him in the direction of the casino after all. And who is he to deny fate? After all, it's what brought him this far.

Ace thinks back to a couple months ago, where he—or well, his alias, Diego Sanchez—had still been living a somewhat stable life. Over the course of a year, he’d managed to pick up a few part-time jobs to fund poker tournaments and talk himself into more than a couple of loans. But as with most things, Ace had gotten too cocky, and his associates had figured out he wouldn’t be able to pay back the debts he owed.

At this point, uprooting his life and starting over was something Ace was very familiar with. For the last few weeks, he’d been motel-hopping across the country, having shaken the debt collectors off his trail while he tried to figure out the next place to settle down—at least for a little while.

Meeting Felix was just the kind of morale boost he needed right now. Even as Ace opens his wallet and finds a whopping two dollars among the handful of stolen credit cards, he knows he’s going to be okay.

He grabs his things and throws on a blazer along with shades and a hat; even if he should be safe, it doesn't hurt to protect his identity.

Finally, he heads out into the city, with an agenda of restaurant, pawn shop, and casino.

[timetoresurface]

sweaty palms / JYH

a 5k friends to something more Yunho x Y/N where Y/N starts to realize she might like Yunho more than just a friend. 

This can be read as a one-shot or as part two to One Day At a Time. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about this Yunho and Y/N. I think they’re cute.

“You have been here for over a year, and you still don’t know how to eat with chopsticks?” Yunho asked you in disbelief while trying to hide his laugh. He picked up your favourite side dish and put it on your plate. You thanked him by giving him a genuine smile, which always made him blush like crazy. He didn’t need a lot for his ears to turn adorably red. 

“It’s hard.” You whispered while struggling to pick up the piece of food Yuhno had put on your plate. When you finally managed to eat the side dish, Yuhno applauded you as if you had just won some sports competition. 

“No, it’s not.” He told you matter of factly, which kind of made you want to punch him in the face. Unluckily for you was his face too handsome to hurt, so you tried to verbally punch him in the face.

“You have been in an international band for over two years, and you can only say a simple greeting in English.” You told him while laughing softly. You were the only one who could say these things to Yunho. Somehow he never got mad at you when you said hurtful things. 

“It’s hard.” He repeated your words with the most prominent pout on his face. You quickly squeezed his cheeks which made him laugh softly.

“No, it’s not.” You responded while trying to eat with the tricky chopsticks. The truth is that you had actually gotten better at eating with chopsticks, but you liked the fact that Yunho took care of you when you were struggling. He knew you could properly eat without his help, but he somehow loved to take care of you.

You and Yunho had met through a dating app. Which is weird because he is an idol, and you are a foreigner who kind of spoke the Korean language. You were a strange match for friends, but somehow both of you managed to make time for each other. He had also deleted his profile on the dating app, not wanting to create a scandal. The only reason he had the dating profile was that he had lost a bet. He only kept messaging you because he actually thought you were interesting enough to keep the conversation going.

He explained the situation the first time you met up in real life when he wanted to show you the best ramen place in town. The restaurant was closed, and you ended up eating something from the convenience store around the corner of where he lived. You still remember how it suddenly turned dark, and you couldn’t recall how long you had sat on the side of the street with him talking about nothing and everything. 

You exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch, which was extremely difficult at first. You worked a cliche office job, so you worked from Monday until Friday from eight AM until seven PM. Yunho practised 24/7 which made it challenging to stay in touch. Somehow you found a routine to meet up once a week to have food, and this has been going for a couple of months. You knew more about Yunho than about your friends back home at the moment. 

He was always there and easy to contact. When you called him in the middle of the night due to some stressful nightmare, he would always pick up and make sure you were okay. Whenever he had a comeback with his group, he would always make sure to send you detailed updates if he found a second of free time. Whenever the two of you were together, the evening was filled with laugher and good food. You always hated the moment you had to say goodbye to him because you were never sure if you would see him the next week. He would always promise you that he would come, but life as an idol isn’t the most carefree life. Sometimes he had to cancel last minute, but he always made sure to make it up to you by buying you your favourite snack the next time you saw him.

“What are you thinking about?” Yunho asked you once he realized you hadn’t been actively involved in the conversation.

“Reminiscing.” You told him while you averted your eyes toward the couple in the back of the restaurant. They were acting and talking like you and Yunho, but their hands were intertwined. They looked at each other as if they were the only person on the earth that was worthy of their attention. You actually wanted something like that, and that’s why you had made a profile on the shallow dating app. Yunho was something you didn’t expect, but it was a pleasant surprise. A good friend is worth more than a simple one night stand or fuck buddy. 

“About what?” He asked you curiously, suddenly turning serious. 

“About our friendship.” You told him honestly. Your eyes found him, and the way he stared at you made you think of the couple in the back. There was no way he was looking at you because of a romantic feeling, but you liked to think he considered you worthy of his attention. Someone he could tell his secrets to, and someone who he could trust through thick and thin.

“How much you love me?” He asked you teasingly. You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t hide the smile his teasing had prompted. He had this talent of making you feel relaxed and at ease in even the most uncomfortable situations. He always knew what to say when you were feeling down, and he always knew how to make your smile bigger when you were already happy. 

“Of course, but also about how I never checked or deleted my profile. Do you think I should try the dating thing again?” You asked him softly. You had never really spoken about dating or liking someone. You also never talked about the fact you met through a dating app. 

“I think you should, but Korean men are not used to girls like you.” He told you while stuffing his mouth with food. Was he trying to avoid talking about you wanting to date someone?

“Girls like me? You mean me being not Korean?” You asked him uncomfortably, not knowing what to do with your hands.

“Yes.” He simply stated while he kept his eyes and attention on the food before him. Maybe you shouldn’t talk about this with Yunho. Perhaps you should just consider opening the topic of conversation again with your colleague Yuna. It was because of her you had met Yunho. She had swiped right when you weren’t paying attention. At first, you blamed her for doing something so reckless, but right now, you were grateful for her turning your lack of dating into her life’s mission. 

You decided to drop the topic as both you and Yunho became a little awkward. The rest of the evening was pleasant, but once you returned home, there was still a bitter aftertaste. Why did he suddenly close up when you talked about your non-existent dating life? Was it that difficult to pretend to be interested? You decided to talk about your struggles to Yuna.

“Is it that weird for me to want to date?” You asked her after you explained the situation to her. 

“I don’t know, maybe he’s jealous?” She told while sipping from her iced americano. 

“We’re not like that, and I have discussed this with you before.” You told her sternly, not wanting to start that discussion again.

“You said it yourself he looks at you like you put the stars in the freaking sky.” She reasoned with you, but you simply ignored her. Yunho was not the problem at this moment. 

“Honestly, this is not important. What should I do about my other situation?” You asked after you took a sip from your iced americano. Usually, cold coffee’s weren’t your cup of tea, but as everyone in Seoul was obsessed with an iced americano, you decided to learn to like it. 

“I know someone who I could set you up with. His English is excellent, and he is very handsome. I can’t date him because he has dated one of my friends. But I still keep in touch with him from time to time. Do you want me to set it up?” She told you while she took out her phone.

“Isn’t that weird?” You asked her. She handed you her phone and showed you his Instagram account. He wasn’t indeed bad looking, but you still felt weird to date someone you had never talked to. 

“That’s how Korean people date. Get used to it now that you are stuck here.” And she was right. You had to adapt to life here, even if it meant to do something that was out of your comfort zone. You simply nodded your head, and Yuna quickly made arrangements for your blind date. 

—

“You’re going on a blind date?” Yunho asked you, but you couldn’t read him. He didn’t ask you in disbelief or anything, he simply asked you because he knew you didn’t like to date new people. 

“Yuna arranged something.” You mumbled softly while you scooped a bit out of your shared ice cream pot. You were sitting next to Yunho on the swings of a playground close to where he lives. He held out the ice cream pot for you while you both were softly swinging. It wasn’t your first time on these swings. Whenever Yunho had a busy schedule you would meet him here to share some food. Tonight you decided to have some ice cream.

“When?” He asked you. He kept his gaze straight forward, not eating from the ice cream or looking at you. He didn’t seem invested in your story, but he did keep asking you questions. 

“I don’t know yet. We’re still setting a date through Yuna. It’s so weird to not have his number and talk to the other person.” You explained to him while taking another scoop of the delicious chocolate dessert. 

“That’s how normal Korean people date.” He simply stated. He still hadn’t taken a bite from his favourite flavour, and it confused you. Yunho is the type of guy to inhale food. 

“Have you ever been on a blind date?” You asked him softly. He immediately turned his head toward you, but you couldn’t read the look in his eyes. He seemed to be thinking of something, but you couldn’t decipher him. It was always like that with him. He continually changes himself according to the situation. Sometimes you weren’t sure if you actually knew the real Yunho. If anyone even knew the real him. You’d like to think you came close to deciphering him, but he always surprised you.

“I consider our first meeting as my only experience of dating.” He confessed softly while looking deeply into your eyes. You couldn’t stand the intensity of his stare, so you decided to look away.

“At least you never had a disastrous date.” You mumbled softly. You were actually glad Yunho hadn’t really dated anyone. It made it even more extraordinary how the two of you met. Almost romantic.

“Have you dated a lot?” He asked you. He finally started to eat from the ice cream, and the tension that you didn’t know you were holding, was finally leaving your body.

“I haven’t really been active here. I only dated you in my time in Seoul, but back home I kind of dated a lot.” You tried to explain to him. You didn’t want to make it look like you were a serial dater. You wanted him to feel special like he made you feel.

“Any of them disastrous?” He asked you cautiously as if he was scared of your answer. Or at least, that’s what you hoped.

“Most of them were.” You laughed softly, remembering the handful of guys you have dated throughout your time. Some of them were okay, but most of them were just wrong. They only talked about themselves and asked you if you wanted to have a drink at their place. We all know what happens when you accept a drink. You’re not going to be sucking on a straw if you accept their invitation.

“Why do you keep on dating if most of them weren’t pleasant?” He asked you while he kept staring at you intently, and your heart did a weird thing where it skipped a beat. Why did he have such a significant effect on you lately?

“I’m a hopeless romantic. You know that.” You answered him honestly. 

“I know you. You don’t want a relationship, so why keep on seeing people you barely know?” He stopped looking at you, and it felt as if you were losing him. You wanted his eyes on you forever. You wanted to look at him forever while he was staring at you. 

“I have had one good relationship, and once you’ve had it, you just want it again.” You confessed. 

“But the relationship ended. Why would you want to go through heartbreak again? You told me yourself you never wanted that again. What has changed?” He asked you, and honestly, you didn’t know the answer either. It’s true what he said. What has changed? 

“Isn’t love the reason for everything? Why we live? Why we want to keep going in life?” You asked him hypothetically, knowing he had another reason to live. For his fans. For his band members. He doesn’t have time for love and all the problems that come with loving someone.

“I guess so.” He shrugged. He looked at his phone and got up immediately. “I have to go. I’m going to miss practise if I don’t leave right now.” He told you. 

“Bye.” Was the only thing you could say when you saw him leave. You hated this part the most. You disliked him going, but there was no reason for him to say. The conversation had ended, and the ice cream had melted.

Y/N: You left your backpack. I’ll drop it off tonight. Yunho: Thanks. I thought I lost it. Y/N: 7 is okay? Yunho: Perfect!

“Y/N?” You quickly turned around to see who was calling you. “Are you free tonight?” Yuna asked you once she stood next to you. You really wanted to leave work, and bring back Yunho’s backpack before dropping dead on your couch. 

“Why?” You asked her curiously. 

“Felix is free tonight and asked if you wanted to get something to eat with him.” She told you excitedly, and you smiled. Felix wanted to spend his only free night with you. Not precisely with you because he didn’t know you, but it still felt good.

“What time?” You asked her returning her excitement for the night. It had been a while since you spend time alone with a guy. You didn’t count Yunho as you were simply friends.

“At eight. I’ll text you the details, and his number.”

“I can do that.” You confirmed her. 

“I’ll text him that you’re in.” She said while running off to wherever she was heading to. 

“Thanks.” 

“Hurry. You need to get out of these work clothes into something more presentable.” Yuna told you. You looked down at your two-piece suit, and you almost panicked. This is most definitely not a suitable date look.

You quickly hurried home to put on your best dress, and reapply your make-up. You didn’t want to look like you had put too much effort in, but you still wanted to look presentable. You grabbed Yunho’s backpack before closing the door of your apartment. The restaurant Felix had chosen wasn’t far from Yunho’s practice room, so you had enough time to be a good friend and on time for your date. 

“I’m Y/N. I’m here to give Yunho his backpack.” You told the person at the front desk. Usually, you could just walk in, but you always tried to check yourself in. You didn’t want people to think you were some weird fan who wanted to sneak into the boy’s practice room.

“I have you on our list. Yunho is in the practice room on the fifth floor.” The person told you nicely. You followed her instructions because you had never gone to the practice room by yourself. Usually, they call Yunho, and he would take you to wherever he wanted to hang out. 

It wasn’t hard to find where Yunho was. You simply followed the noise once you walked out of the elevator. It warmed your heart that he worked for a company that let them have a lot of fun and free time. The reason he practices so much is that he wants to himself. His company has repeatedly asked him to slow down, but he really wanted to give the best to their fans. His ambition was something you adored about him. He isn’t the kind of guy to let you down. 

“Yunho!” You said while knocking on the wall to signal you had come into their room. The boys stopped talking while Yunho turned around to where you were standing. He was dressed in black sweatpants and a black t-shirt, but somehow he stood out to you. The shirt was fitted in the right places, and you simply adored him in all black matched with his pale pink hair. 

“Y/N! You’re…” Yunho started saying, but he never finished his sentence. He was staring at you with his mouth wide open. 

“I’m what?” You asked him insecurely. Did you have something on your face or in your hair? 

“Beautiful.” He whispered softly, but he quickly recovered himself. “What are you doing here?” He asked you while keeping his eyes locked on your frame. As if he didn’t want to miss a moment of you standing there. 

“I told you I would bring back your backpack. You forgot it yesterday at the playground.” You explained to him, trying to hide your red face after he had called you beautiful. Had he really meant it? You didn’t think you looked much different than usual, but you did usually hang out with Yunho without make-up and in sweatpants. Maybe he had forgotten you were actually a pretty girl. You’d like to think you were pretty.

“Oh.” Was al he said which left you both staring at each other in silence. The other boys in the room softly whispered something to each other, but you didn’t care. Your eyes and your whole existence were fixed on Yunho.

“I have to go.” You told him once you found your voice again. It came out shaky, but it was enough for him to get the message.

“Where are you going?” He asked you while he ran his hand through his hair. His beautiful, candy-floss hair that you loved so much. You were never really a fan of boys colouring their in unnatural colours, but Yunho was the exception. He looked good in anything and everything. 

“I have a date.” You confessed. Your hands were fiddling with the small bag you carried. Why was it so awkward to talk about this with Yunho? Why did you suddenly want him to tell you to not go on your date? Why could you only think of him and about him, and just him him him.

“Oh.” Was the only response you got, which was not the kind you wanted. Why did he look okay with you going on a date with someone else? Just get yourself together. Yunho is a friend who has told you from the start he didn’t want to date, and didn’t consider you someone who could change his mind. You had also told him you didn’t want a relationship, and you probably wouldn’t fall for him. There is nothing going on between the two of you. 

“Okay. I’ll see you.” You finally responded after your internal struggle. He stood frozen in his spot, but you didn’t have the time to wait for him to wake up.

“Call me.” He quickly said before you left the room. “After your date.” He explained once he saw your confused expression. You simply nodded your head before saying goodbye to everyone. This time again, you left Yunho with a bad aftertaste. Something was changing, and you were scared of things to turn for the bad. You weren’t ready to say goodbye to Yunho because you hadn’t figured out your feelings for the pink-haired guy.

—

“You are Australian?” You asked your date in disbelief. You had met Felix in front of the restaurant, and you immediately hit it off. He was kind and a perfect gentleman for opening the door for you. He didn’t seem like the cocky guy, and you didn’t feel pressured to pretend to be someone you weren’t. It was also a nice change to speak English with someone who actually spoke English. 

“I know I don’t look it, but yes I am.” He confirmed in a thick Australian accent, making you melt.

“You’re accent is to die for.” You told him dreamily. You’ve always had a thing for accents, and he was the perfect mixture of everything. He seemed confident, but not the kind of scaring you away. Not the type of guy who thought he was the most fantastic guy in the world, even though he probably came close.

“Thanks. So where are you from?” He asked you, and you couldn’t stop asking each other questions throughout the night. You shared a nice meal, but you wouldn’t remember the food. You would remember Felix and his funny stories he told you with his thick accent. 

“So, who is the guy you’re trying to forget?” He suddenly asked you while he was walking you home. You stopped walking and looked at him with confused eyes. Why would he ask you something like that?

“Why are you asking?”

“I honestly think you’re a beautiful girl, but you haven’t really reacted to my flirting. I’m guessing there is someone else on your mind.” Felix explained himself, and it did actually make sense. He had tried to take your hand into his, and he had tried to flirt with you. Why hadn’t you reacted?

“I’m not sure if there is.” You told him honestly. You started walking again, but your thoughts weren’t in the conversation with Felix. Your thoughts immediately rushed back to Yunho. 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Felix finally said. He pushed his hands back into his pockets while he walked next to you. 

“There is honestly nothing to say. Nothing has happened, and nothing will ever happen.” You explained to him. He deserved an explanation of why you weren’t interested. You probably would have been all over him if it hadn’t been for Yunho.

“Have you ever tried anything? You don’t know if you don’t try.” Felix tried to help you. You looked into his eyes, and you could tell he was sincere. Felix actually wanted to help you, and it warmed your heart. There were still good guys here in Seoul, perhaps it is because he is Australian. 

“We have made sure from the beginning we didn’t want anything. We met under very unusual circumstances.” You told him softly.

“If you’re not going to do anything about it, I wouldn’t mind taking your mind off him.” Felix offered. You stopped in front of your apartment building, and he followed your moves.

“Are you free next week?” You asked him. Your hands were fiddling with your small bag, a bit nervous about his reaction. Maybe he didn’t want to hang out with someone as confused as you are at this moment.

“I know a good place for some Australian food.” He told you cheekily, and you offered him a genuine smile. His eyes were scanning your lips, but you quickly broke the moment.

“Of course you do.” You laughed, opening the door of the complex.

“I’ll text you the details?” Felix asked while he kept the door open. 

“Sure.” You nodded your head.

“Have a good night, Y/N,” Felix said before he left. Your heart didn’t skip a beat. Your eyes weren’t focused on his lips, and your palms weren’t sweaty. Felix is probably not the one for you, but someone is making your heart flutter, but you were convinced you didn’t make his palms sweaty. 

Yunho: Why didn’t you call me yesterday? Yunho: How was your date? Yunho: Hello?

Y/N: I’ll call you tonight?

Yunho: You want to meet up tonight?

Y/N: What time?

Yunho: Whenever you want.

Y/N: When does your practise end?

Yunho: Doesn’t matter  Yunho: I’ll make time for you Yunho: Just tell me the time and place, and I’ll be there

Y/N: playground at eight?

Yunho: I’ll be there

You don’t know why you felt so nervous about meeting Yunho at your usual spot. It felt like the first time. You decided to change out of your work clothes into a dress. The last time he had seen you in one, he had told you how beautiful you were. You wanted him to think you were always pretty. You wanted him to think you were the most gorgeous girl in the city. Did that make you pathetic? 

You hadn’t slept the night before because you were constantly thinking about Yunho and how he made you feel. The only conclusion that makes sense is that you actually like him. That you have feelings for the person who has been kind of your best friend in a city where you didn’t know many people. You didn’t just like him because he was kind and considerate of you, but also because you find him attractive. You had always found him pretty, but lately, your thoughts have been involuntary wandering toward a different road. 

It wasn’t just all in your head. He did stare at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention. Little did he know your focus was always on him even when you were looking up at the starry night sky. 

“Y/N!” Yunho said softly. You were seated on the slide deep in thought about Yunho, you hadn’t noticed him walking over to you. 

“Hi.” There wasn’t much you could say. You didn’t know how to start this conversation without losing him. You might have figured out your feelings for the man, but that didn’t mean you wanted to throw away the friendship you had with him. You were sure he didn’t have any feelings for you, simply because he didn’t have time for love. He didn’t have time to be in a relationship because he was an idol, and honestly, you did understand. You just wished it was different. 

“What are you thinking?” Yunho asked you while he seated himself next to you in the sand. 

“Nothing.”

“You look really pretty.”

“Can you not say these things?” You asked him irritated. You wanted him to figure out your feelings by himself. You didn’t wish to tell him because you were embarrassed. You were ashamed because you were the most cliche person on the planet at the moment. You had fallen for a good friend, and you didn’t want to lose him, but you also didn’t want him to be too sweet to you. 

“That you’re beautiful?” He asked you, shocked. He tried to hold your hand, but you quickly pretended to be busy searching your bag for something invisible. 

“Yes.” You simply confirmed. He reached out to you to brush a lost stray of hair behind your ear. Your heart was racing, and you hoped he didn’t hear your internal struggles whenever he touched you.

“Why?” His voice turned sad as if you had just beaten him. As if you had just told him to never eat again.

“Because I don’t know where it comes from.” You tried to explain, but it came out more cryptically than you had intended. 

“What do you mean?” He asked you confused. His big eyes searching yours for an answer he was never going to find. 

“I don’t know.” You broke the eye contact. You couldn’t look into his eyes without starting to cry. These feelings had always been there, but you had always tried to keep them hidden. Your date with Felix had awakened your inner feelings, and you couldn’t hide them anymore. You also didn’t want to tell him, scared of how he might react. 

“Is everything all right?” Yunho asked you worriedly. He finally managed to grab your hand to hold it in his. His other hand touched your cheek softly, scared he might break you. 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” You told him softly, letting your hand fall into his hand. You liked his delicate touch. You wanted to feel of his skin on yours, but you were greedy. You wanted and needed more. 

“Did that guy do anything?” Yunho suddenly asked you in a raised voice. His sudden change startled you, but you quickly shook your head. The unexpected act made your heart flutter. He did really care for you, why wasn’t that enough? 

“Someone else hurt me.” You simply stated. He let go of your hand and quickly stood up. He surprised you again by his actions, but you weren’t surprised. Yunho always surprised you. You had never really figured him out.

“Who did? Where is he? What happened?” He asked you at a fast pace. You didn’t understand half of what he had said, but you knew the intention. 

“You did.” You confessed, locking your eyes with his again. You reached out for is hand, and he let you hold his sweaty palms. 

“Me?” He crouched down until he was at eye level. He looked hurt, confused, and not okay. Di you just break him? You hadn’t even told him why. Did he figure it out? Did he not want to break your heart? 

“I like you.” You whispered while you gently stroked his face. His head rested in your hand while he closed his eyes. Your other hand pushed his hair back so you could look at him. His hair was always in front of his eyes, but you loved to look into his eyes. 

“Can you say that again?” He whispered softly with his eyes closed. 

“I like you, Yunho.” You whispered again, afraid you might scare him off if you were any louder. His eyes finally opened, and a single tear fell from his left eye. His hand wiped away the lost tear. He brushed your hair behind your ear and just looked at you. You couldn’t decipher what was going on inside his head, but you felt him moving closer to you. He looked at your lips and back into your eyes as if he was asking for permission. You simply nodded your head while you kept your hands frozen in his hair. 

He leaned forward with determination, and you could feel his breath fanning over your face. He smelled like peppermint and a bright future. He looked like a dream when he was staring at you as if you put the stars in the night sky just for him. He stopped the moment before your lips would connect, and your heart dropped. Why did he stop? But before you could react, his lips connected with yours. It was so innocent, yet rewarding to feel his lips on yours. It wasn’t like one of those close-mouthes kisses like you had never kissed before. It was a full-on, open-mouthed almost sexual kiss which left you wanting more. The way our lips fit like puzzle pieces. The way he reacted when you pulled him closer, and he held you tighter and tighter. When you broke away after what had seemed like ages, he simply stared at you. 

“I love you.” He softly confessed before his lips crashed on yours again, making your heart skip a beat, and your palms sweaty.

[sahbibabe]

Hello, hope your doing well! I love your writing it's really good! Can I request a soulmate Au for Sekiro/wolf x reader, no.24 in a series format please?? 😊😅 I feel like sekiro doesn't get enough love Lol!

YES. YES. YES. Here you go~! I loved writing this. The timeline is extended more than it is in the game because it took me more than a month to beat the whole game and I doubt it takes just one day to go everywhere that Wolf did in that time.

Also, I have really strong feelings about the whole toxic 'family' relationship between Owl and Wolf. It makes me angry and pretty salty. It just came out in this.

Enjoy! ♡

"LORD KURO HAS EXPRESSED his desire to meet you." Emma sat across from you on a tatami mat, carefully pouring an herbal tea into two small cups. The glare of the sun, filtering through the open window where a nightjar stood guard, revealed dozens of sparkling gray strands in her hair, attesting to the sudden stress─and worry─that she had been confiding to you for the past couple or so weeks: that Lord Isshin grew steadily worse in condition. "He remembers you only vaguely and wishes to reacquaint himself… Should you wish, Lady [Name]."

      That was your title: Lady. Not washwoman, servant, maid, cook, or soldier; it was Lady. You had been elevated to that status on account of your military prowess long before Kuro had been revealed to be the Dragon's Heritage, but you had made it a point to be there when his mother, tragically, could not. Not after the fire.

      Kuro could have called you many things, if you had lingered in his life. He could have called you his aunt, his friend, or even his advisor, if he wanted. But he reminded you too much of your sister, his mother, and so you couldn't make yourself stay. It would be torture for him to see you, a twin reflection of his mother, as much as it would pain you to see him, a perfect resemblance of both father and mother. You had divested your abode─a small attachment towards the Serpent's Shrine, guarded by the sword wielding monkeys who favored your presence─of mirrors since then, unable to look at your own face.

      "If that's what he wants," you replied carefully, watching the shining beacon of your soulmate's danger meter rise steadily over the kanji for 'safe', 'threat', and jump right up to 'lethal'. You had watched this phenomena happen for years now, except for a brief period after the fire, but you couldn't say who it belonged to. There were plenty soldiers who risked their lives every day, but none of them had managed to cheat death so often as yours. "I don't believe he'll be safe in Ashina, not with the Dragon's Heritage."

       "You are correct." Emma set the tea pot down and offered you a cup. You took it from her one handed, preferring to warm your other hand in your lap. She took no offense, used to your daily problems with the chill. "Lord Kuro has already been taken by Lord Genichiro once. I do not doubt he would try once again. And there are others, a particular shinobi, whose motives are a mystery to me, that I don't trust."

       "You speak of Owl. Not… Wolf." You hesitated to call Kuro's loyal shinobi by that name. While it was common to do so, just like the names Orangutan and Kingfisher, you had difficulty equating such loyalty to a shinobi who most definitely would reject the Iron Code if given the chance. The meter dropped down to 'safe' again, and that knot in your throat lessened just a bit. "Am I right?"

       "Yes. He has been absent in all of this, and it's too suspicious for him to be so distant in the middle of such strife. With the ministry rallying, it's only a matter of time before things go from bad to worse. Which is why, if something happens to Wolf, as it did during the fire, I would like for you to be there to protect Lord Kuro."

       You were still young, still in your prime. You hadn't counted in many years, but you had to guess you were thirty five at the most, your sister being thirty when she passed. You were almost close to not being a spring chicken anymore. "If that is what you wish, my friend."

       Your journey to Ashina Castle was a short, but boring one. The soldiers bowed to you as you passed, putting up no sort of issue, glimpsing the family crest you wore attached to your obi. You had decided on a neutral colored yukata, designed for winter, and a thin haori to go over it and block out the cool air. Wearing a kimono would just be difficult at this point.

       When you made it to the tower lookout, you were greeted─surprisingly─by Kuro himself. Emma had told you that he rarely left the archives now that Genichiro was out on the loose, run rampant by the Rejuvenating Sediment, so it was a bit of a shock considering what you had been told. You realized that he had been watching you leap across the rooftops, too lazy to take the proper way, with a nightjar at your side to keep you from falling to your death.

        By his side, hand on a katana that had been named Kusabimaru, stood Wolf. You knew, almost instantly, that he was the one who had been causing your meter to skyrocket at various times of the day and fluctuate wildly. It was almost like a seventh sense, drawing you to him even though you didn't take a step in his direction. By looking at his face, the soulmate pull had been overrode by the desire to protect Kuro, and you found that admirable.

       So you looked away, those dark eyes still trained on you guardedly, and faced Kuro once more. He looked more and more like his parents as he aged, so much so that it was almost painful to look at him.

       He seemed to be having similar thoughts, eyebrows creased just slightly.

      "Lord Kuro," you greeted him, bowing slightly at the waist. That was where you differentiated from your sister; your voices were very different. Where your sister held a stern, throaty voice, yours was very soft and quiet, but held a hard edge that had Wolf on alert. "It's nice to see you again."

       "Lady [Name]." Kuro stepped forward, Wolf in his shadow. He reached out, hesitantly, but propriety stopped him from touching you. "I…"

     You smiled and kneeled down just slightly, careful not to dirty your yukata, and took his hands in yours. "It's alright. I know I look a lot like her. It's hard, isn't it?"

     He didn't say a word, but you could see it in his eyes that it did. You squeezed his hands and stood back to your full height, allowing his fingers to slip from yours. He was still so tiny.

      "Let us go inside. The birds have ears, here," you urged cautiously. Wolf seemed to realize what you were talking about and his eyebrows lowered suspiciously; typical.

       For the next few days, you relearned how to deal with children burdened with an enormous task. Sometimes, Kuro just wanted to be normal and have a normal life, which you understood. The life of the Dragon's Heritage did not come peacefully or cheaply; it was dangerous, rife with struggle. It was why, he told you over tea while Wolf was gone, that he wanted to end it.

      And you, like Emma, didn't want that to happen.

     You also, somehow, figured out that Wolf knew what you were to him, too. He never said much of anything at all to you, perhaps because of your relation to Kuro, and kept his distance when he was present. You were certain that Owl had ruined him in more ways than one with the Iron Code; you saw the drawn muscles in his face, when you were too young to have a soulmate meter, the ribs underneath that threadbare yukata. You knew that Owl starved him, probably beat lessons into him, to make him a cheaper asset to deal with. That was how Owl worked.

        It didn't stop you, or Kuro, from pressuring him to eat. Emma seemed to not want to cross that boundary of necessary acquaintance with him, which you were fine with. Kuro was good at coaxing him into eating, when he was even there, but all you had to do was set food in front of him and level him with an expectant stare, then turn to the window.

      Words seemed to escape him, most of the time, with you─but body language seemed just fine. It was easier to read to him, you supposed, being a shinobi, because intent was laid bare unless you knew how to hide it. You did. You didn't see the point when all he wanted was to protect Kuro.

       One night, while Kuro labored away over the books in the library, determined to find the source of a white flower, Wolf appeared in your quarters. He was severely wounded, the Dragon's Heritage unable to fix it quickly enough, and you darted towards him, catching him before he fell to the floor. He was worryingly light.

       As you laid him on your bed and began to clean out his wounds as best you could, you had to wonder why he didn't go to Emma. The gourd he had was empty; shouldn't she have been able to refill it? You let the gourd fill up a little bit and then made him drink it, careful to let him swallow on his own time and not choke.

       The flesh knitted before your eyes, as fast as lightning, but it was still fresh and raw, so you placed bandage wrappings over it. Whatever had attacked him had extremely long claws, as long as your body, and had gouged inch deep holes into his chest and back. They would scar, but he had plenty of other scars to be seen.

      You situated his clothing back to the way it was, returned to the windowsill where you had been reading a scroll lent to you by Isshin, and waited.

       Somehow, you had drifted off without noticing, the wooden scroll loose in your hand. You clenched it unconciously and opened your eyes, shocked to see the sun and not the moon. When you looked over, expecting to see Wolf still asleep, you were surprised to find him kneeling in front of you, head bowed, as if he had been waiting for you to wake up.

      "Wolf?" You whispered, voice hoarse, sliding sideways to place your feet on the tatami mat. "How long have you been awake?"

       "Not long." That could mean anything to him.

      "I see. How do you feel?" You got to your feet and kneeled down, resting your hand on his shoulder. He never looked at you, though you felt the muscle in his shoulder twitch in response. "You should still be resting."

        "I'll be fine. Thank you."

        "Of course." You blinked, eyes wide. "I'm your soulmate, aren't I? I wouldn't just let you bleed out and die."

        The telltale silence told you more than he could say.

        He had expected you to let him die.

       "Oh, Wolf," you sighed, urging him to his feet. He did so reluctantly, wary of your closeness but not fighting to push you away. "Owl ruined you more than I can even begin to understand."

       Again, he didn't speak, but he knew it was true.

       You smiled sadly at him, then reached up and pulled the ribbon keeping your hair tied in a loose bun. You grabbed his hand and pressed it into his palm, closing his fingers around it with your own.

       "There." You gently removed your hands; he opened his fist to stare at it. "Any time you feel any negative emotions, just look at that ribbon and remember what I told you. You can come here anytime you need me."

       He never said anything else, just left out the window he had come in through. For the first time since you had met him, he looked marginally more relaxed, more reassured, as if the idea of returning to someone who explicitly desired his presence was a comforting one.

      Over the next few months, Wolf never did pop in while you were awake, but he did leave little things for you to find when you awoke, like a small amount of rice from the Divine Child, a branch of gorgeous blossoms from the Fountainhead Palace, or even Lapis Lazuli, a precious stone that you had converted into a makeshift pendant.

       Kuro eventually slipped up and called you his aunt, which you delighted in. Isshin called you over for sake and old war stories, which you both recalled with excitement and solemnity. Emma brought you to visit Orangutan, who took one look at you and found himself remembering you on the battlefield; she helped you give offerings to your sister and brother-in-law's graves.

      But you knew that all of it was coming to an end.

       Just days before, Wolf had returned with the Gracious Gift of Tears. He had met your sad stare with one of hard resolve, and you knew that it was almost time. With the everblossom in hand, he had told you his decision secretly.

      He would die so that Kuro could live. And you had no issue with that; that was his life's purpose, the only purpose that Owl had given him that had benefited him. His love for Kuro was bright, innocent, and strong, even if he was oblivious that it was love.

       You had shed a few tears, of course, but you knew that above all, Kuro had wanted a normal life. There had been nothing else to discuss.

       That night, before Wolf was due to fight Genichiro one last time and─Kuro would tell you afterwards, when the sun had risen, Isshin as well─he had given you all he could offer a woman, and more, because after daybreak, the last immortal would be condemned.

       You had awoken to sunlight, bare and satiated, sad with the knowledge that your soulmate was no more. The meter flickered out of existence as if it had never been there to begin with.

      With Isshin and Wolf departed, there was no reason for you to remain in the rotting ruin of Ashina any longer. You gave Kuro your blessing to journey the world, as he had wished, and sent him off alongside Emma.

      Three months later, you would realize that Wolf had left you a gift; something most precious and valuable, something you would love until the day you died, and forever after that.

        A child.

       When you gave birth, Emma was there to help you. Orangutan had even departed from his temple to stand guard outside and greet the new life that had entered the world.

        It was a boy, Emma revealed with a small smile, and handed him to you. He looked nothing like you. With a faint dusting of black hair and dark eyes, he was every bit just like Wolf.

      And somewhere, out in the distance, you heard the Divine Dragon begin to sing.

[yayeetsonny]

"I really have 3 moms huh?" Baby R/Christen, Kelly, and Becky

Prompt: "Can you do one with Kelley, Becky, Christen being protective of the reader (since she’s the youngest and also in both teams with them) and acting like her team mom’s?"

This is for @super-market-sun-flowers

I'm so sorry that I've taken forever to get this out I just wanted it to be good haha. hopefully you like it!

-Minor swearing

Y/N PRO//

I finally was able to head back to the locker room after a grueling game against the Portland Thorns. We won the game 2- 1. I was so proud of the team and I was proud of how I played but I was in some serious pain because Midge Purce had fouled me in the 85th minute and when she did she clipped my ankle. I got up and walked it off and was able to play the remainder of the game. I did my best to hide the pain I was in because my "moms" Becky, Kelly, and Christen would totally flip if they knew. See I'm the youngest player on the Utah Royals FC and USWNT, at age 17 and being 4'11 doesn't help much either. Those three in particular baby me a lot. It's very sweet but sometimes it's a little much. 

As I was taking off my cleats I noticed my ankle was a little purple and swollen. Uh oh, Midge got me good.

"Shit." I mumbled, wincing when I went to move it.

"Oh my god. You need ice on that little one." Christen said startling me by her sudden appearance.

"H-hey Christen, it's really not a big deal. I'm okay."

"Then why are you grimacing and looking close to tears?"

"My allergies."

"You don't have any."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't.- okay since we're going in circles I'll just call Becky and Kelly over and see what they want to do."

"Woah wait that's not necessary. Shouldn't I be able to decide what to do about my injury?."

"No. You never take care of yourself when you're hurt or sick and you're the most stubborn person I know."

"I'll make sure I don't exert myself I promise!"

"I don't believe you even a little bit." She said crossing her arms and giving me a look.

"Okay, okay whatever get the other two involved I don't care anymore." I said exasperated

"Kelly, Becky come over here for a sec please."

"Hey what's up?"

"What's up CP?"

"Our kid is hurt and she doesn't want to ice her ankle and thinks that she can take a care of herself."

"I'm 17 years old! I turn 18 in like 4 months!" I said indignantly

"Sush. Let us help you babe. You're hurt."

"I'm fine guys seriously. it's nothing. Look we have camp in a week and I really don't want to jeopardize my chances by making this a bigger deal that it is."

"It'll be an even bigger deal if you don't take care of it properly and over do it at camp. Please just cooperate and ice your ankle." Christen said softly yet sternly. She's always been softer and gentler with me than the others but she has her moments too. Kelly and Becky nodded their heads in agreement.

"Ugh okayyy." I said. They all laughed at my dramatics as Kelly ruffled my hair. Kelly and Christen then proceeded to help me to the bus while Becky carried our things. Once there they insisted on having me sit in the back with my feet on Becky's lap elevating my foot. All of them fussing over me and arguing over what was the right way to ice an ankle.

"Kelly I swear if you hurt her more jostling her foot like that I'll make you hurt." Christen threatened

"Chill Chris I got it." She said

"No you don't you're hurting her."

"Stop being so uptight."

"She's my kid."

"She's my kid too. She's our kid." Kelly said looking a little hurt.

"You're right, I'm sorry Kel."

"They finally were able to agree on the way my foot was wrapped with the ice and let me be. Given it was only after Becky threatened to not let either of them take care of me if they didn't get it together. The look she gave then would have made a grown ass man afraid.

3 hours later//

The girls definitely were pushing it with the whole babying thing, they insisted on carrying me everywhere after we got back to the apartment we shared.

"Chris you can put me down! I can walk." I said, and I know what you're thinking but she's definitely stronger than she looks. She was carrying me to the couch after I woke up from a nap that she insisted on me taking because according to her I was "grumpy"

"No bubs you could hurt yourself more just let me help you. I just want you to be safe."

"I know Chris and I am, with you I always will be." I said laying my head in the crook of her neck.

I know I said them babying me and acting like over protective moms 24/7 was a little much but sometimes it really does make me feel all warm inside. Kelly and Becky had gone out to get food for all of us and would be back any minute.

Suddenly the door burst open and Kelly came barreling in "we're home losers!!"

"Kelly chill, Chris could've dropped our kid." Becky said having noticed that we jumped when they entered.

"Oh, oops my bad."

"Sometimes I feel like Christen and I have 2 kids instead of 1." Becky said rolling her eyes in amusement.

"Hey! I resent that!" Kelly said

"Oh come on Kel, she's only joking."

"I still resent it." She mumbled.

"Okay well let's eat before the food gets cold." Becky said patting Kelly on the back as she continued to pout.

"What's for dinner?" I asked

"Sandwiches from the deli around the corner."

"Oh yes, Antonio's! That place has the best hot sandwiches!" I said eagerly as I attempted to wiggle free from Christen's grip.

"Okay Christen seriously let me down please."

"We just talked about this baby, I'll put you on the couch that's it."

"I'm not a baby!"

"You're acting like it."

"Am not!" I whined

"Point proven." She said giving me a knowing look.

"Listen we love you and you're our kid whether you love it or not. We all know you at least like it 9/10 when we baby you. We're always gonna want what's best for you. Please let us take care of you until we know for sure your ankle is better." Becky said

"Okay, I'm sorry guys I just still have trouble getting used to having people who care about me so much. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by all the love you guys give me 24/7. I really do appreciate it and love you guys so much." I said getting all sappy.

"Awww you love us!" Kelly said running over and crushing Christen and I in a hug.

"Yeah, yeah. Can we eat now please?" I said

"Oh right, almost forgot." Becky chuckled

1 week later//

Becky, Christen, Kelly and I arrived at camp and met the rest of the team in the meeting room. After going over the plan for the day we were released to do some team bonding.

"Hey Y/N I missed you!" I heard someone say before I was startled by Emily Sonnett jumping on my back. I was able to catch her legs at the last second so she didn't fall but I rolled my already sensitive ankle as I tried to regain my footing.

"Shit, shit, shit." I said as Emily realized something was wrong as she climbed off of me.

"Oh man I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't hurt you did I?" She said looking slightly scared. All of the players on the USWNT, even some of the newest ones knew who my "moms" were and knew that they'd do anything to protect me, even going as far as getting in people's faces sometimes.

"I just lost my footing and rolled my ankle a little no big." I said trying to shake it off.

"You sure? Do you want me to get Christen?" She asked knowing I was closest with her.

"No, no it's all good. Just try not to surprise me anymore." I said smiling at her softly as I walked away.

"Hey kid, you good?" Ashyln said as I walked passed her

"Yeah, yeah all good." I said as I tried to rush away. My ankle was doing much better but still sensitive and was just getting back to 100% I argued with myself on what to do because it really hurt and I was beginning to panic. I knew my moms would be upset if they knew I had hurt it again after we just got here and I- wait, I called them my moms. Huh I didn't even notice. Do I say it out loud too? Does it weird them out? Oh my god wait what if they think it's weird I mean I know they think I'm their "kid" but I've never called them moms out loud before. I began to get lost in thought and was really starting to panic about everything, so much so I didn't even realize I ran right into Christen.

"Ouch" I landed on my butt after running right into her back. She turned around from talking to Tobin and Julie.

"Woah, hey there bubs. You okay?"

"Y/N?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I'm good. Sorry I just wasn't paying attention to where I was going." I said refusing to make eye contact, my ankle was killing me

She crouched down so she could look at me and softly grabbed my chin tilting my head up so I'd look at her. "Hey, What's wrong."

"Nothing."

"I know you too well to know when you're lying."

"I'm not lying it's nothing, just drop it." I said frustrated

"Woah drop the attitude please."

"I'm sorry, just forget it please."

"Y/N..." she said in a warning tone along with giving me the look

"Okay fine, I may have twisted my ankle when Sonnett jumped on me when she came to say hi." I said hesitantly as I scooted away.

"Well there it is, gotta go bye!" I said attempting to get up and get away before she went into full mama Press mode.

"Uh uh. Don't move, Kelly! Becky!" Christen yelled across the room.

"Oh man." I said laying back and face palming

"Uh oh short stack you gotta help sonnett before Chris, Kelly and Becky kill her." Tobin said in amusement.

Julie just rolled her eyes and said "why am I friends with you guys?"

"Oh shut up, we work together and you love us." Tobin said

"She's right dude you can't get enough of us." I said smugly.

"Woah CP, what's going on?" Kelly said rushing over to us as she saw the look on Chris's face.

"Where's Becky?"

"She's coming over right now what's going on? Is everything okay?"

"No."

"Chris will you please relax I'm okay." I said trying to get her to settle down before she went off.

"No stay out of this." She said not looking at me.

"This is literally about me! Come on don't make this a big thing."

"Hush before I-" she didn't get to finish because Becky came rushing over much in the same way as Kelly.

"Woah hey everyone take a breath, let's calm down. Will someone please tell me what this is about?"

"Sonnett hurt our kid!"

"No she didn't! I rolled my ankle when she tried to jump on my back! It's not a big deal I'm fine!" I said aggravated.

"She shouldn't have done that!" Christen said angrily. Becky, Kelly, Julie and Tobin were just looking back and forth as we argued.

"I can take care of myself! Just please don't hurt sonnett it was an accident and she didn't mean to. She even apologized even though it wasn't necessary."

"What she did was reckless and she could have seriously hurt you and herself!"

"Oh my god will you stop being so dramatic?! It's. Not. A. Big. Deal." I was getting increasingly frustrated as the argument went on.

"Oh I'm sorry, I guess you don't care about your safety or anyone else's then?" Chris said raising her eyebrow daring me to say something else.

"I do I just... Chris will you please talk to me about this, without yelling?" I said softly, finally relenting.

"I just want to protect my baby." Chris mumbled helping me up and pulling me against her chest. She ran her hands through my hair and kissed me on the forehead.

"I know Christen, I'll always feel safe and be safe with you protecting me. I already told you that. It won't ever change."

"Get ice on your ankle please. Elevate it and make sure that if you need anything at all you tell Becky or Kel okay baby? I'll tell dawn about your ankle so she can decide what to do."

"Yes mama." I said taking myself and everyone around us by surprise.

"I- I mean, yes Chris. I'll get on that. Where are you going?"

"Well, Sonnett and I need to have a chat so I'll see you later okay?" She said trying to mask the surprised look on her face.

"Don't kill my best friend please."

"Don't worry I just want to make sure she knows not to be so reckless next time."

"Okay..."

"Julie Tobin watch out for Em please." I whispered as Kelly carried me away.

"You got it kid." They said in sync

"Come on babe let's get you that ice."

30 minutes later//

"How you feelin kid?" Alex said as she sat next to me on the couch after finishing a game of monopoly deal with Tobs.

"I'm fine I guess it just blows my ankle is back at square one."

"Aw yeah that sucks, but it's not too severe right? So you'll be able to play with us and everything in a few days."

"You're right I'm just glad this camp is a pretty long one. I'll have a real chance to still show what I can do to the coaching staff."

"You're so talented. You have nothing to prove babe."

"Thanks Al that means a lot."

"Of course love. I love you."

"I love you too."

"You wanna play a game of speed?"

"You're on, just know I'm really good."

"Okay whatever you say Alex." I said chuckling

"What you don't believe me?"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

"Oh it's on."

"Let's do it."

In the end Alex absolutely creamed me. But the plus side was that it wasn't just me she creamed, Crystal, Mal, Rose, and Sam had all joined in and it was amazing watching them lose just as badly as I did.

"Hey where's Chris?" I said suddenly realizing I hadn't seen her or Emily in over half an hour.

"Don't you mean mama?" Sam said teasing me as everyone else laughed

I blushed as I mumbled "that was an accident. Just forget it."

"Aw come on it was cute!"

"Yeah how come you don't call me and Becky mom or mama?" Kelly said appearing out of nowhere.

"Ahh! Geez you guys gotta stop doing that to me!"

"Aw I'm sorry kid. My bad."

"Seriously where's Chris? She didn't kill Emily did she? I told Julie and Tobin to watch out for her. What if-"

"Woah kid chill out, she's coming over right now."

"Hi bubs. You okay?"

"Yeah ma-Chris, I'm good. You and Em good?" I said catching my slip up. Everyone smirked at me knowingly while Chris gave me a curious look.

"Yeah we're good, you sure you're good?"

"Yeah." I said my voice cracking as I said it... dammit.

"Okay... uh hey guys can you give Y/N and I a minute I wanna talk to her about something." Everyone nodded and got up and went elsewhere, Sam patted me on the shoulder as she left.

"What's up Chris?"

"Are you sure you're okay? You're acting a little weird."

"Well, it's just that I know I slipped up twice now calling you mama and the girls were teasing me earlier and I'm sorry it probably weirds you out. I didn't mean to i swear, I'm so sorry please don't be mad, please don't hurt me I-"

"Woah hey, hey. Shhh calm down you're okay bubs. No ones going to hurt you, we would never. What's that all about? Look at me." Chris said holding my face so I'll look at her.

"I'm sorry I just don't want to weird you guys out. And uh, it's nothing forget I said that." Shit I really let that slip out, well that's a backstory for another time.

"You know I'm not going to do that baby, we'll talk about that later okay? You're okay I promise, there's nothing weird about it. We already see you as our kid. We love you more than you'll ever know and I'd be honored if you decided to keep calling me mama. I'm sure Kel and Beck would ecstatic to be called mom too." She said while rubbing my cheeks soothingly

"Can we finish this conversation with Becky and Kelly?" I asked timidly

"Of course Y/N. They won't mind."

"Kel, Becky can you come sit with us for a minute?"

"Yeah coming!"

"Absolutely!" They both came to sit with us, Becky on the other side of me and Kelly sat across from me.

"What's up kid?"

"Uhhh..."

"Y/N is worried that calling us her moms in a not joking manner will weird us out."

"Wait you really want to call us moms, like for real?"

"Well yeah i see you all as my mommies and I love you so much and wouldn't be anywhere without your love and support."

"I'd be honored."

"Me too."

"Wow really?"

"Of course, we really do love you kid."

"I love you too." I said almost beginning to cry.

"I really have 3 moms huh?"

"Yeah, you do."

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

-THE END

[fireflyhwufanficwriter]

My thoughts on Dr. Stone’s Chapter 181 (“New World Science”)

My thoughts after reading Chapter 181:

01. I approve of Kohaku speaking on the first page 😁

02. The petrification beam looks different this time – individual points of light instead of just one wave. I know why that is (the tiny Medusas), but was the beam ever shown like this before this chapter?

03. If I hadn’t seen somebody say that the color spread was a crossover, I might have thought that guy was Ryusui or Tsukasa 😆

04. Senku immediately dives (figuratively) into testing the Medusas… wow 😲

05. And after that, Taiju immediately dives (literally) into testing the Medusas… 😁

06. Taiju’s face when he talked to the others about Stone Taiju and the revival fluid, with those black vertical makes me think… this isn’t just Senku’s journey. I mean, obviously it isn’t; they’re all there and everything, but finding out who petrified the world isn’t just some Senku thing or protagonist thing; it’s a question that’s burning in the heart of every former petrified person (and every petrified and still conscious person). The scale of what, and most importantly, who, all the petrified people lost just isn’t something the stone age folks can’t comprehend, and this is everybody’s journey, not just Senku’s.

07. I loved Taiju’s bouncing/swimming all over as he yelled, “One meter, one second!” and Kohaku wanting to join him because it looked fun! 😆

08. ...How did they all end up there?? Shouldn’t they have been unable to reach Japan since Japan was the furthest point? Or did they rain all over the place before, then were drawn back here due to a special magnet and thousands of years’ worth of ocean waves? (Okay… probably not, haha.)

09. Wait, even if they all fell… shouldn’t we have seen billions of tiny pieces of metal in the first chapter of the manga? Or the first episode of the anime (although it would have been pretty spoilery)? Or when Shamil and the others saw the green light?

10. Dr. Xeno’s sneakiness is really interesting. Kohaku proved that when it’s just plain sleight of hand, she can see through anybody’s tricks, so I thought at first that it was weird that she didn’t notice what Gen did. But then I realized that distracting people by talking to them, trying to sneak past them mentally, is Gen’s specialty, so he would definitely be the one to notice Dr. Xeno’s mentalist/manipulation attempt. Good job, Gen! 😊

11. I love how Chrome is just tugging at Dr. Xeno’s arm and scolding him 😆

12. Good thing they showed Tsukasa’s metal knuckle before he gave that huge punch! When did he get that?

13. If they’re like the original Treasure Island Medusa, could they reactivate it once by tinkering with it like Joel did? Of course, even if they could, the only people they could petrify would be intricate jewelers and other microtool users… that’s a pretty small selection of petrify-able people, hahaha!

14. How are Ginro and Matsukaze eating? Have they been getting food from Stanley’s crew’s supplies?

15. It’s nice to see Ukyo use his special knowledge to give insight into what they’re making, and for him to be in the spotlight! 😊

16. Would somebody mind explaining how slanted sides prevent detection? There were two frames that illustrated the concept, but I still don't fully get it... Is it like water sliding off a slanted surface instead of... yeah, I can't even finish that sentence 😆

17. ...Is Inagaki allowed to tell us all this stuff about how to avoid being detected by radar? 😆

18. Since we were shown a full moon here, I wonder if that’s significant in terms of how long things have taken… when was the last time we saw the moon? That chapter with the relationship/killing chart, right?

19. That was some fast ship construction… which… well, all the science after Treasure Island has been way too fast, but I suppose in comparison, at least this took a few pages to build, not just a couple of frames…

20. Tiny Ukyo looks so happy with the stealth ship! 😆

21. It almost looked like the end of the chapter when they presented us with the stealth ship, because I’m too used to chapters ending with them acquiring something 😆

22. I thought they would build a second ship with that shape (what’s it called again? I know it’s not a mobius strip), but then Chrome had that brilliant idea! And before that, that was a great question he asked! He’s so intelligent! He doesn’t have modern-era knowledge, but his sheer scientific imagination and curiosity and creativity is incredible! 😁

23. They blinged out their ship! Hahahahaha! 😆 That is the most blinged out ship in the history of ships! 😆 What did they use as an adhesive? Rubber? Or did they make a huge net with the Medusas and cover said ship with it? (Probably not...)

24. Some of them will fall off for sure on their sea journey; wouldn’t that be bad? What if the ones that fall are activated, or recharged and THEN activated, somehow?

25. Why didn’t they cover the underside of the stealth ship, too? Time? Materials? Or maybe it was invisible enough as it is now?

26. Of all the characters, it’s so fitting and so satisfying that the first past-21st-century technology created in this story came from an idea Chrome had! 😁

27. Okay… so… as far as I understand it, a bazillion Medusas rained down all at once. Not all over the world, because we’d have seen them earlier and Senku would have found them after he woke up – so they all rained down on this exact spot on Earth. Since one wouldn’t be powerful enough to cover the planet, they must grow more powerful as a whole the more of them are together; synergy and all that. Am I missing anything?

28. What’s under the pile of Medusas? Flat land? A mountain? Some kind of special Medusa-attracting magnet?

29. What metal is the Medusa made of? I’d have thought this would be one of Chrome’s first questions… not just now, come to think of it, but way back when they got the first one. Why hasn’t this been brought up yet? Are they types of metal that exist on the moon but not on Earth? Could it be one of those? I hope the topic comes up in a future chapter! 😊

https://firefly-hwufanficwriterrrrr.tumblr.com/MyDrStoneEpisodeMangaThoughts

[mamawelp]

It’s been awhile since I’ve been back on tumblr, but my shits gotten so bad lately that I need something, some kind of outlet. I feel so goddamn alone and my mind feels so stretched thin that if it doesn’t just completely snap, it surely will never fully recover. I thought I was getting better for a while, but the stress of the last three years has taken a toll. My daughter is everything to me, and I feel like I started out with so much joy and energy. Little by little my energy has run down and I have no way of resting to recuperate it. I have no friends, my family is toxic, and my fiancé is in a word, awful. He’s manipulative, a gas lighter, liar, he blames, critiques, always angry, so fucking angry all of the time. He uses my limitations against me and I’m stuck with him. I’m disabled, I have zero money to my name, zero support system, and I’m afraid if I tried to leave him, I wouldn’t be able to bring my daughter with me, or more to the point, he would fight for custody and win. I can’t even trust him to watch our daughter for half an hour. He falls asleep and she gets hurt or makes just the most epic messes of all time. My executive function has gone out the window almost entirely because I am severely disabled and the only one caring for our daughter 24/7. I’m the only one worrying for her, planning for her, teaching her, dressing her, feeding her, changing her. I can’t do for myself anymore because every drop of energy goes to her and there is never a break. And yet he holds it over my head that I’m not doing enough. I am so lost in this depression and loneliness and it’s not fair to her, and meanwhile this man doesn’t even care about his daughter enough to let me have a break. If he does miraculously take her out of the house, he takes her to his moms house, so someone else will watch her. Still, it’s the only way he can be trusted with her.

I hadn’t left the house in a while. It’s hard for me to get out when there isn’t a pandemic, and the longer I stay in the worse it gets. There were more months in the year than times I went inside a public place in 2020. I went outside a few times, but it’s hard for me to even step out on my front porch, or go into my back yard. Sometimes I forget there’s a pandemic going on out there because I have simply not experienced the masks, hand sanitizers, temperature checks, and empty toilet paper aisles. If I need something, I order it or he goes out to get it. Yesterday I felt cabin fever kicking in again. I always have a low grade cabin fever, it’s been like this for 12 years, but the cabin fever has to be greater than the anxiety and mixed with a touch of mania for me to be like, “must leave now.” So I said let’s go get something to eat. I meant a drive through. When I get out of the house, I stay in the car the whole time, even before the pandemic. We were pulling away from Taco Bell and I mentioned that I thought the nacho fries were loaded because of a picture. He started asking me what loaded fries were. I know that he knows what loaded fries are. So I said loaded, like loaded fries. And he kept insisting I explain what was loaded. At that point I had no idea what he wanted from me so I had no answer that was acceptable for him and we ended up getting in a ridiculous argument over goddamn loaded fries. Turns out he wanted the precise toppings I thought were on the loaded fries, that evidently doesn’t even exist. I misinterpreted a picture. All because I misinterpreted a picture and he felt I should have memorized the menu in anticipation of him asking me what loaded fries were. It was awful and so fucking stupid. All I wanted was to leave the house for 20 minutes. We ended up arguing the whole way home and in the kitchen. By the time I started trying to calm myself down I realized that I had been completely triggered in an episode. By which I mean that time felt different. My episodic memory was skewed. There were blank spots in my memory when I had become the most frustrated and confused. Everything was coming back to me in flashes or pictures and feelings. Which screws me, because if he can trigger me to lose pieces of time, then he can control the narrative. He said that I was demeaning him and making him feel stupid for asking. That was never my intention, I legitimately didn’t understand what he was asking me. It wasn’t until I calmed down that I remembered his crack at the window when we got our food. He made sure the window was open and the lady was there to chide me on being indecisive and worrying about what other people were ordering. Like I was a child. (We always get the 12 taco box, but I got a meal this time and wanted to know if he was going to get the party box, because if he was, then I shouldn’t get the combo meal. Like not a big deal, but an important distinction if you’re not trying to waste food or money.) It was a ridiculous argument and I feel a little silly trying to go into every minutiae detail of trying to order our food, but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and got ridiculed and then grilled over the Taco Bell menu. Anyway...

It’s hard for me to leave by myself, that requires a whole other recipe of confidence and mania. I usually feel like I need another adult as a life line. I just don’t know why I keep feeling like I can use him as a life line. He does this every time we go somewhere. In fact I stopped going to the grocery in large part because he was the only one left who would go with me and he ends up disappearing the second we’re in the door, or he criticizes me for being so slow or browsing, or not taking the most military like detailed path through the store. Because no matter what you are doing, he could do it better, and he’s going to tell you all about it. I use to shop with his brother, or my best friend, but his brother isn’t around as much anymore and my best friend/sister since kindergarten is severely disabled now as well. I have told him a million times that my senses get overloaded in the store and that I have to take it slow, that I have to stay calm and collected, or I won’t be able to continue shopping, but he doesn’t care. I think he wants me to fail.

I stopped driving us places because he constantly criticizes me. He tells me which parking place I should have taken as I pass it which always sort of deletes my brain a little and then he uses that second of confusion in me to jump in full force about what I “always do” wrong and “why don’t you” ever and when I finally get parked it “took me long enough” and what’s the difference between that spot and the spot he said. Usually the spot is closeness to the door. He will park at the very edge of the parking lot knowing I won’t want to go in if he does, while I look for a closer spot so I can easily exit the store. My entire body is exhausted by the time I leave, so I know I will need to park closer. I’ve told him this, he knows this. The parking is just an example. He uses the entire drive to somewhere to poke at me until I am a mess of anxiety and then I no longer have the energy for whatever we’re doing. I do just fine when I drive by myself or someone else. Just to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with my driving, I don’t speed, I don’t follow anyone too closely, I don’t run red lights, slam on breaks just to piss someone off, I don’t swerve through heavy traffic, I don’t roll my window down to yell at people, I don’t cut people off and yell at them for it, I don’t act like I own the road, but he does. He does all of those things. He gets so angry in the car and it makes you feel so uncomfortable and anxious you’ll melt into the seat. It’s awful. He’s awful.

When our daughter was born, I had a renewed since of confidence. I stopped saying sorry and I started just getting pissed. In a way it has backfired though, because now I’m pissed and bitter and he acts like I’m the one abusing him for calling him out on his shitty behavior. Basically he’ll pull some asshole move, I say hey that was wrong of you and he acts completely dejected and will sarcastically say, “you’re right, I’m the asshole.” He makes it impossible to argue with him. He will make shit up, twist my words to fit his narrative, describe to me MY intentions (which is never correct), he will change his story and say it’s been his story all along, he will switch sides of the argument in the middle and tell you your argument was his and his was yours the whole time so that he feels he’s come out on top, and mostly, when you prove him wrong, he will simply deny anything happened directly to my face when we both witnessed it and he will expect it to end there. If I try to say any more about something that he decides didn’t happen he will yell at me to shut up and he will put a hole in the wall or in a door to punish me.

When I try to talk about a health issue that has been plaguing me, he often will make a stupid joke, change the subject, or just interrupt me and bulldoze right over, but it doesn’t fail, within 2 weeks he will be complaining about the EXACT same thing, and if I don’t take him seriously, I am the asshole who doesn’t care and only ever wants to talk about my health.

He ruins every holiday. Without fail. The night before a party with my family, he will purposefully sabotage his sleep, get a few hours and then wake up as the grumpiest person ever. He has on multiple occasions said that if I remind him that we need to be to bed early he will have to stay up. Making it my fault that he stayed up because I presented an opportunity to rebel against someone and he has to take it. Seriously. He doesn’t do this with the same frequency or intensity for his own family parties of course. He acts completely embarrassing in front of my family. He will talk down to me, or get drunk and start lying poorly to family members trying to seem interesting.

So anyway. That’s life in a nutshell right now. And if anything, I’ve got my feelings out so I could easily recall them if I needed to for anything more ... official. It’s hard for me to compile all of my thoughts on all of the things. My memory is shot to hell and it’s easy to get caught up in “well maybe he’s right” when I can’t see the whole picture. My grammar and structure is not the greatest, but my daughter will be waking up from her nap soon, so it will have to do.

[loridrabbles]

Imprisoned | Dogma x Reader (Part 30)

     (Y/n) had stayed home with Saoirse most of the day Dogma left. She knew doing something productive would help her get her mind off the fact that he was gone, but she couldn't find the motivation to get out of the apartment. What she could do, however, was try and do some cooking, and juggle Saoirse at the same time.  As her dinner simmered on the stove, her communicator buzzed on the counter.  It was her friend Mia, who she had met at 79's when she used to spend time with the 501st. She was a bartender there and always seemed to remember everyone's orders, even if they only showed up once.

     "Hey, I'm on your side of the city for a couple days visiting some family. Mind if I drop by?" The communicator read.

     "Hey, Mia! I'm not much in the mood for company right now. Tomorrow? I could really use some emotional support and a listening ear." She typed.

     "Sure! It'll be good to see you. Haven't seen you since you first got back home. See ya tomorrow!"

     (Y/n)'s dinner turned out better than she had expected. It took everything in her not to comfort eat what would be tomorrow's leftovers. As she cleaned up the dishes and put away the rest of the food, Saoirse was half asleep in her bassinet. Looking at the time, (y/n) decided she had better head off to bed herself.

     (Y/n) layed there, staring at the ceiling. Despite having the fan on full blast and some relaxing music playing on the radio, things seemed deathly silent. Dogma was actually a pretty talkative person and could start rambling on about something, even if no one was listening. He'd usually go on a spiel about something before bed. Or, when he'd read one of his books, he'd mumble or whisper the lines out loud. His voice was soft and comforting, and sometimes, just to hear him talk, (y/n) would ask him a question about the story just to hear him start rambling.

     Sleep alluded her and as she rolled on her side, the tears came. Eventually, the exhaustion of it all finally drew her to sleep.

    (Y/n) sat on her couch, windows open, enjoying the fresh spring air when she heard the doorbell go off. She stood from her spot, bouncing Saoirse on her hip and pressed the comm button to let her friend in the door. She could hear the elevator chime down the hall and opened the door to Mia who had a wide smile on her face.

    "(Y/n)! How have you been? I haven't seen you in a while." She hugged her and gave Saoirse a little pinch on the cheek. (Y/n) sighed and led her to the couch.

    "Honestly, pretty horrible." She said, sitting down, placing her little girl on the floor to play with some stuffed toys and rubber blocks. "I cried myself to sleep last night."

Mia frowned softly, pushing a strand of short, brown hair behind her ear.

    “Damn, I don’t know if should say ‘me too’ or ‘what happened,' but I’m gonna go with the second one,” She said with a smirk, “What’s the matter?"

    "I thought I had prepared myself for him to leave, but I was with him 24/7 for almost 2 years and just when I got him back, he's gone again. And even though he was only home for about a week, we adjusted to living so well together it felt like he'd been here for years."

    "I know what it's like to have someone in your life for a while only to then have them taken away from you. I learned it at a pretty young age. I’m guessing this is about Dogma leaving and rejoining the 501st?” She asked.

    "Yeah...How did you deal with losing Hardcase? I know it's a different kind of loss, but... " As (y/n) spoke, a bitter smile cast over Mia's face as her fingers instinctively grasped the necklace Hardcase had given her.

      “It was hard. It was a very difficult and dark time for me when I had heard the news that he was killed in action,” Mia explained, running her thumb over the white and blue pendant, a piece of his armor from when it had gotten badly damaged, encased in resin. “I started off slow, but then I slowly worked my way up. I surrounded myself with things that I could keep my mind occupied with. It was a lot but I managed through it. There were the dark moments and the okay-moments, but it really takes a lot of courage and determination to move on."

    "And, what about your kids...I mean, Saoirse is so young and doesn't really recognize who he is yet, but yours had to have noticed he's gone." She asked, shifting in her seat. "Was he even around them much, with the war and everything? I mean he didn't have permission to leave the base like Dogma does."

    “Oh yes, they knew him pretty well.” She spoke, “Every time that he would come home, they would immediately run up to him and try to get him to pick them up. Although he got to see them, he always made it his duty to come home for as much time as he could,” She said, “He always said to me ‘I want them to know me and I want to be a good father to them’ every time I asked him.”

    "Saoirse does that too." She smiled. "She can't walk yet, but she'll cry at Dogma and reach for him."

    Mia chuckled softly, letting her head rest in her palm.

    “Kids seem to know their fathers quite well, huh?”

    "Yeah...I just hope she doesn't start getting fussy if she does realize he's gone."

    “Yeah, hoping for it to happen isn’t going to work. She’s going to miss her father, but you gotta be there to comfort her. You have to be a mother for Saoirse.”

    "I love her so much." She smiled down at her as she shook a stuffed rabbit in her hands, expecting it to rattle. "I'd do anything for her. I hope Dogma's doing well. He returned to the base yesterday."

Mia smiled, looking at the way that Y/N played with Saoirse. It was a bittersweet sight really.

    “Really? Im betting you spent the night with another?” She winked.

    "I-I did w-what? N...no." (Y/n) felt a cold sweat on her brow and her cheeks flush a pale white. Panic rushed down her shoulders and back. "D-did you hear that from someone? I-I can explain."

Mia raised a brow before chuckling to herself nervously. Seeing (y/n) so pale made her worry as well. But she probably was joking, right?

    “Are you serious?” She asked, her face dropping. Why did that joke make her so uncomfortable? “(Y/n)?"

    Mia narrowed her eyes at her friend before leaning forward. “(Y/n), what do you mean by ‘I can explain’?” She asked, “Who did you spend the night with when Dogma left?”

    "I-it wasn't when Dogma left. He wasn't even out of prison at the time. I...I didn't know what to do. I missed him so much and he was right next to me and...and..." (Y/n) was trying her best to hold it together, nervously rubbing her hands over one another as she spoke. Mia’s eyes widened in shock as she looked at her friend. There was no way. She couldn’t believe it.

    “It was Wolffe wasn't it. Who made the first move? You or him?”

    "Him, I guess. He walked me home after a meeting with Rex and when we got to the apartment he went for it. I tried to say no...I did say no, but I caved in." She said. "Feeling his touch and his warmth...I had feelings for him at one point and it all came crashing back. I know I shouldn't have let him in but I just...I just." (Y/n) began to sob as she spoke. Mia sighed exasperatedly before going over to her friend and hugging her lightly.

    “Stop your kriffin’ crying. You know I hate seeing you cry.” The woman sighed out, rubbing (y/n)’s shoulder. “You should’ve pushed him away! Why didn’t you do that? Or why didn’t you tell him you were married? Or something else?”

    "He knew I was with Dogma! We were talking about it." She wiped her tears away as more came. "I'm such a horrible person. I hate myself for letting him in! Dogma doesn't deserve this."

    Mia sighed sharply, before shaking her head lightly.

    “While I hate to admit that you are both at fault here, you understand what you did wrong. And by the state that you are in, you haven’t told him.” The woman spoke, shaking her head. “The only way to pay for your mistakes is owning up to it, and telling him (Y/n).”

    "I can't, Mia, I can't." She sniffled, using both hands to wipe more and more tears from her cheeks. "I don't wanna break his heart." She could barely get the words out through her crying. Mia rolled her eyes, before looking down at their face.

    “Oh, what the hell are you gonna do then? Keep on having an affair with the Commander when you have a kriffin’ daughter?! (Y/n) this is too much! Even when Hardcase has passed away I’m not giving in to men who try to get into my bed!” She raised her voice slightly, “You of all people should know that. You spent nearly two years with Dogma, every kriffin' second. And as soon as he's not around that’s what you do? I barely had Hardcase to myself for a month, but I would’ve never hurt him like this! For kriff’s sake, (Y/n), you need to look at the reality of this situation!”

    "Mia!" She cried harder, face turning pink. "I asked for some support and you're not being very helpful right now!"

Mia slammed her hand on the table and glared at (Y/n) before speaking up once more.

     “Of all the things you could have done to repay Dogma, you gave him the stupidest one. Kriffin'...You could’ve slapped him, or yelled at him, or done SOMETHING to make Wolffe go away but you let him in. If word gets out to anyone about your little ‘adventure’ with the Commander, I hope you’re ready to tell Dogma what you did. Cause if not, I will be the one to tell him myself. Don’t test me (Y/n). He’s a soldier. He deserves so much better than what you’ve done to him.” Mia said, venom dripping from every word that she yelled. 

     The change in volume startled Saoirse, making her cry. Mia looked down at her.

     "I really, really thought you knew better (Y/n). You loved him and started a kriffin family with him after all."

     "Get out!" (Y/n) yelled, standing up from her spot on the sofa.

     "What? (Y/n)..."

     "Get out and don't kriffing come back!" She continued to shout, picking up Saoirse, bouncing her in her arms.

     "You will never be satisfied, (Y/n). Will you?" She said, picking up her bags.

     (Y/n) watched as she walked away, opening the door, then closing it behind her. She was still trying to calm Saoirse down as well as herself. 

[things2mustdo]

Adam, the first man, was also the first blue pilled man to have been red pilled. To examine this hypothesis, lets re-read the very short story of Adam and Eve, analyzing it line by line using the classic NIV translation—and along the way, each sentence of this brief, ancient story will reveal a bunch of other red pill wisdom.

This story is precisely Genesis 3. It starts:

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

We all know the snake tempted Eve to eat from the forbidden tree, but what’s interesting here is that he does so by planting doubt about an eternal truth. This is lesson #1 from this story: the classic strategy of bad people is to go to well-meaning, average people, and start planting doubts about what is true or false, trying to get them to doubt the wisdom of the world they were born into. This is precisely the core weapon of SJWs: they go to average people and plant seeds of doubt about your instincts about what is right or wrong.

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

Earlier in Genesis, God had told Adam not to eat from the tree, but he never told him not to touch it (Genesis 2:17). Lesson #2: Women exaggerate.

4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

This line is important for two reasons. First, the snake here—the embodiment of evil—is actually the one telling the truth. God had earlier told Adam that if he eats from the tree, he will “certainly die” (Genesis 2:17), but the snake says he won’t. And, to skip to the end of the story (I’m guessing you know the ending already?), Adam and Eve are banished from the garden but they’re not killed. So, God lied (or changed his mind), and the snake was right.

Second, Lesson #3 is that sometimes, evil people are actually telling the truth. And Lesson #4 is the deep utility of the “limited hangouts.” Limited hangouts (to use the CIA term) are powerful weapons: a bad person (the snake or the CIA) reveals a small amount of true information, but not all of it, in order to get their target to engage in the bad action.

It goes on:

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

So, Adam knows there’s one law he shouldn’t break, his wife asks him to break it, and he does. That’s the definition of being blue pill. The first man is also the first blue pilled man.

But this tree they ate from, earlier in Genesis (2:9) is referred to as “the tree of knowledge of good and evil” and the snake above had made the same comment. Lesson #5: only through doing what is forbidden, breaking the rules, will you be able to learn why wisdom says that X is good and Y is bad. This is a metaphor for the pickup universe morphing into the dissident right: we had to go through the rule-breaking phase (doing what we can to pick up women) in order to learn what is good and what is evil.

But there’s another lesson in this line, Lesson #6: as soon as he could see the difference between good and evil, what was the first thing Adam realized? He’s naked. That’s a great metaphor for wisdom: as we learn the subtle way the world works, the first thing we learn is that–although we thought we knew a lot, we really know nothing. That we’re intellectually naked.

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

So, God comes looking for Adam, and Adam, having realized he was naked, went into hiding. This is the first example of fear in the bible, and also Lesson #7: the first fear, the deepest fear, the fear before all others isn’t a fear of anything external to you—but a fear of yourself because of your own ignorance.

11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Finally, at Genesis 3:12 Adam takes the first red pill in history. God realizes that Adam had eaten from the forbidden tree and asks him who gave it to him, and he doesn’t white night the woman. Blue Pill Adam would have been the white night, taking the fall for her. But instead, he simultaneously blames her—and calls out God for being an asshole to him for setting him up for the fall (“you put [her] here with me”). He started standing up for himself. The first man in the record of humankind was bluepilled… and then took the red pill as well.

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

To the woman’s credit, she’s admits responsibility. On the other hand, Eve comes off a bit like the apocryphal quote attributed to Churchill: “Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing… after they have exhausted all other possibilities.” That’s Lesson #8: woman can be counted on to do the right thing, after having tried all other options.

14 So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

The snake, the first evil creature, is punished by having to crawl, eat dust, and have his children brutally murdered. This leads to Lesson #9: the worst punishment isn’t death—it’s unclear if death is even a punishment—but to have to be on your knees, low down, bending, submitting to someone else. Death is preferable to a life where you need to slither. And Lesson #10, almost equal to condemning someone to a life of submission is a life of eating shit (“dust”) in the exact words here. A life without basic, physical pleasures like good food is a life worse than death. And Lesson #11, the one other punishment greater than death is to see your children suffer before your eyes. Any parent will agree to that.

16 To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Woman’s punishment is pain in childbirth and… the desire for her man to rule over her. This is Lesson #12 and comes to the heart of red pill wisdom: women WANT her man to dominate and rule over her. Women wanting to submit to her man wasn’t only common knowledge for the thousands of years of recorded history pre-feminism, but the Bible opens with a story that gives an origin for this behavior.

17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

This verse not only includes one of the most beautiful, powerful, and eternal passages of recorded literature (“for dust you are and to dust you will return”) reminding us of the brevity of life, but it also gives man his basic commandment: he has to work, and his work will be painful. And this is Lesson #13: men have to sweat and work to survive, and it will be painful. There’s no way around it. So man has two options: to accept our fate, and turn our hard work into meaning, or find meaning elsewhere.

20 Adam[l] named his wife Eve,[m] because she would become the mother of all the living.

21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” 23 So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

This concise story wraps up with man and woman, having been given a glimpse of what the difference is between good and bad, can no longer live in paradise. Only the goods can know the difference between good and evil. What this boils down to is Lesson #14: since knowing what is good and what is bad is something we will never be able to learn, so the best we can do is guess based on the accumulated wisdom of the ages. But we need to have the humility to remember that our ideas of what is good and bad are only approximations, that we may be wrong so we should have an open mind… and since you may be wrong, you shouldn’t crucify every single person with whom you disagree. This is a lesson I wish the SJWs on Twitter understood. Maybe they ought to re-read Genesis, too.

Much more about conspiracy theories and protecting your privacy.

Read More: 4 Lessons From Mankind’s Very First Shit Test

[sketchy-saram]

Just a little tidbit I wrote to start getting into the writing habit again, especially since I want to write some more stuff about these guys in the future. (Maybe after Inktober?) I’ve read this like 100 times over, so forgive me if it has any mistakes--I’m incapable of seeing them anymore. xD Enjoy!

Comfort

Something was wrong.

Advieh knew it as soon as Felix walked in the room. And that made them uneasy, since nothing was EVER wrong with Felix. In the entire time they’d known him, they couldn’t think of a single thing he couldn’t laugh off; no situation he couldn’t spin to his weird brand of optimism. It was bizarre. Sometimes it was exasperating. But in the end, it was part of what made Felix, well...Felix.

But today something was off.

He walked into their office, where they were doing some ledger work, and solemnly sat on a cushion at the windows. He didn’t do any of the normal things to announce his presence; didn’t ruffle Advieh’s hair, or kiss the top of their head, or tell a joke, or try to feed them some weird (and potentially location-changing) dessert. He didn’t say anything at all. He simply sat, staring blankly out into the fog-covered courtyard.

And they were already losing a lot of work time trying to figure this out, they thought with a sigh, so they might as well do it properly. They closed the book on their numbers and leaned back, brushing their long red hair out of the way.

“And to what do I owe this particular visit?” they asked. There was no answer. In fact, Felix didn’t look as if he had heard it at all. Advieh’s brow furrowed, and they cleared their throat, feeling almost awkward.  “Ah, Felix. Are you… are you all right?”

Nothing. Unnerving silence. He might as well have been on another planet for how present he seemed at that moment--the thousand-yard stare into space accompanied only by his persistent gnawing on his thumbnail.

The pit in Advieh’s stomach was dropping lower and lower. They stood up, trying not to allow the alarm show on their face.

“Felix. 

Hey, Felix. 

Felix!”

He started. Being pulled out of his own head felt like being yanked out of a tar pit, so deeply had he been embedded in his own thoughts. There was a tangy, bitter taste in his mouth, and as he blinked, he could see Advieh knelt in front of him. Their face was concerned, bordering on panicked; their hands holding his too tightly.

And they were bloody. 

“Ad! What happened? Are you okay? Why are you bleeding--”

Advieh’s eyes, brown like his but with that alluring amber sheen, softened just a bit before narrowing again.

“That isn’t my blood, it’s yours. You were biting your nails down to nothing.”

It was true; Felix could see now, the ragged remains on his right hand where blood sluggishly oozed out. In his mouth, the coppery flavor suddenly made sense. The pain accompanied this realization in quick succession.

“Ouch,” he managed, smiling weakly. Well, that was all right then, as long as Ad was fine. They were already bandaging his finger with magic, which he could have done himself, but there was a hollow satisfaction in being tended to right now. 

And then, just like that, he was remembering everything again, and his face fell. He shouldn’t even be there right now. Why was he here? He didn’t remember walking to Ad’s office; couldn’t recall anything after leaving the kitchens earlier, lost in thought. Felix felt his hands shaking.. No, he couldn’t bother Advieh with this. He wasn’t even thinking straight. This was too much...he needed to process it; needed to be alone. 

“Where are you going now?” they asked, one brow lifting elegantly.

“Away. I’m sorry I interrupted your work. You should, ah… you should get back to it.” He paused for a second, looking at the clock. “But not too long. Don’t forget to have lunch.” his smile was weak. It felt heavy on his face. 

Felix turned again to go.

Advieh stood by the table only a moment before they reached out to grab his arm. They didn’t even have to think about it; they knew they couldn’t let him go like this. Who else would think to tell them to take a break for lunch? Who else would sneak them into the seedy bars near the docks, or slip them enchanted muffins that made your eyes change color for 24 hours? 

Like it or not, they were invested in this man.

“Ah ah. You already forced my hand and took my attention, so you might as well make the most of it. My time is precious, after all. Use it wisely.”

His arm, warm tanned skin under a rainbow of colorful cloth, trembled in Advieh’s grasp. His eyes were distant and desperate at the same time. He bit his lip, teeth tugging at the old scar across his mouth. 

How could they be so familiar with Felix, and yet so unfamiliar with the version of him in front of them now?

“Talk to me,” they added, lower this time, more gently.

And they could see his walls shudder and crumble.

“I...my dad was here,” he began softly.

“Julian?” The slippery knot of anxiety tightened. They really liked Felix’s family; his ex-pirate, questionably medically-trained father was charmingly rakish, and always full of the most exciting stories. “Is something wrong with him? I can--” 

But Felix shook his head and sighed, hands mussing his already-messy mohawk. Instead of its normal rooster-like proudness, it looked as sad as he did. 

Words didn’t seem to come. Instead he paced, grappled with the air, and finally relented, going to sit again in a chair by the windows. He beckoned them over reluctantly.

“No, not… not that dad. My, ah…”

Advieh wasn’t stupid. They blew out a long breath, the pieces falling into place.

“You mean your birth father? He was here? At the palace?” 

They had never seen Felix look more miserable, even as his face scrunched up in disgust and anger.

“Yeah, that one. Not my dad. Just the man that abandoned us.” His fists tensed again; Advieh placed their hands over them in consolation, waiting patiently for him to continue.  “I didn’t change my name from the one he gave me, so I guess when he started to ask around, it wasn’t so hard to find me...The magical baker who works at the palace? Yeah, not hard to find at all, if you’re looking for me.”

A hard, tight laugh escaped his lips. “Which he didn’t for, oh, how long? Twenty-five years? I guess one day he just woke up and thought, ‘I wonder what happened to my kids?’. Expected us to be dead in a gutter somewhere years ago. Ha. Imagine his surprise when we weren’t dead at all? It’s almost funny, when you think about it.” 

But it wasn’t funny. No one was laughing. 

Advieh sat somberly, their legs neatly tucked beneath them. Their thumb was rubbing soothing circles on his white-knuckled grip. He took comfort in their presence. He always had. Maybe that was why he had walked here, even when he didn’t realize it himself. Now that he had started, the words came easier, fueled by all the emotions he’d been battling as they flooded through him freely.

“Anyway, so someone showed him to the kitchens when he came around asking for me. He wanted...he wanted to see Wren, and I told him there was no way in hell. She was a baby when he left--she doesn’t even remember him. Not like me. She doesn’t even have the ghost of a memory with him in it. He called her ‘Renard’ for Gods’ sake--he doesn’t know anything about her, Ad! And he doesn’t deserve to. Bastard. I told him she was fine, and that was all he needed to know.”

Felix could keenly, so keenly that it hurt, bring to mind that sense of loss. He could still feel the dawning horror that he had felt all those years ago when he woke up to realize his father was gone. The increasing panic of understanding he wasn’t going to come back. Three days he waited patiently, like an abandoned dog for its master; until all the food in the house was also gone, and Wren had nothing left to eat. And then he left that house, a five-year-old with a baby, off to find some way to keep them both from starving to death. Finding so much fear and pain before Asra intervened.

“What would have happened to us if Asra hadn’t found me in that alleyway? If he hadn’t taken us to my parents? Wren would have died. I wouldn’t have been able to keep her alive by myself, and could have gotten killed trying. I almost did anyway, and I… I would have done anything for her, you know. She was all I had--all I had left, and I...I would have…”

His sentence ended when he couldn’t speak anymore, choking over the sobs that threatened to consume him. He felt cool fingers gingerly cup his cheek; a thumb brushing away bitter, angry tears. 

To Advieh they felt unbearably hot, and the uncomfortable feeling they had harbored since earlier thundered in their chest once more. They weren’t sure what it was, but it was so hard to contain.

After a minute, Felix regained his composure and sighed. 

“It’s stupid to still feel this way after so long. He wasn’t...he wasn’t a monster, Ad. He was just a broken man who failed. He failed as a father, and he failed as a human being. I get it, but…” He held up the bandaged hand in front of him, flexing it slowly, staring at it transfixed. “But why is it, if I can understand all that with my head and my heart… why even now, after all this time, can’t I shake this horrible feeling that it will happen all over again? That every person I know will disappear and abandon me too, just like those people did? How can it still hurt this badly, Ad? I don’t--”

They couldn’t take it anymore. With swift and decisive movement, Advieh wrapped their arms firmly around Felix’s shaking shoulders, pulling him close. His face burrowed into the crook of their neck; his hands wrapped desperately around their back. They couldn’t deny this defensive, fierce need to protect him any more. Even if what they felt for him was too much, too raw, too early to name, they could not resist this urge to give him what he sought. Advieh would have given anything to ease away the naked fear in his eyes.

“I won’t abandon you,” they whispered in his ear. He smelled like sugar, and cinnamon, and the same kind of patchouli-based herbal mixture as Asra and their father. Their voice was hoarse, but clear and determined. “I won’t abandon you, Felix.”

Advieh stared down at the numbers on their ledgers again, but their train of thought was constantly being derailed, and it might as well have been Julian’s handwriting they were trying to read. Felix was sleeping--calmly now, but fitfully at first--in their room next door. Part of their attention was devoted to keenly sensing him and his current state; the other half was spent telling themself that they shouldn’t hunt down his father and sentence him to death. It was not the most clear-minded impulse, and Advieh was usually nothing if not level-headed, so they were able to recognize that this thought was neither helpful nor wise. It didn’t stop their blood from boiling, or their baser, uglier side from wanting to do it anyway. 

What was the point in being part of the ruling family if you couldn’t feed your enemies to a pit of hungry lions?

They rubbed their temples, letting out a half-chuckle, half-sigh. Of course that was extreme, and they didn’t have a pit of hungry lions besides. It should have alarmed them how violently they felt towards a person they had never even met before, on behalf of another person they had been desperate to avoid not that long ago.  When had everything changed? They couldn’t begin to say. But the change was insistent, and demanding, and quite frankly a little scary. Where would this path lead? They didn’t know; couldn’t begin to fathom a guess. This hadn’t been their plan at all. And yet...why was it so tempting, nonetheless?

“I made a promise,” they mused, thinking earlier of their madly murmured words of reassurance. Maybe they hadn’t been a real promise, but Advieh intended to keep to the spirit of it regardless. 

Their magically-enhanced senses heard Felix shift in bed; heard the sheets crumple around him. Heard his breath catch, then continue regularly. A bad dream? They should go check, they thought as they stood up, ledgers and numbers forgotten.

Yes, they intended to keep their word on this one. For whatever time they had, as long as it was in their power. He was their person, after all.

And they would never abandon him. 

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer: Bondarev

We were so focused on our sword training that Johann and I didn’t notice that Mingfei, Nono and Crow were watching from a distance.

Mingfei and Nono had decided that there was enough information here to spend several nights studying and there was no point in making the long drive back to the shrine.

“As for me,” Crow said, “I have to go back to work!”

“You’re leaving us?” I asked with some worry.

“Oh yes, I have to make my daring escape from the S-grade rebels.” He threw one arm over his eyes. “I barely made it out alive!”

A quiet giggle came from my back.

Crow peeked out from under his arm. “Ah... our sleeping beauty has awakened.”

He walked over to stand next to me peering at Ru’Yi who was looking over my shoulder at him. 

“Do you mind if I give her a kiss goodbye?” He asked.

“Sure thing, Prince Charming.” I rolled my eyes.

He planted a kiss on Ru’Yi’s soft hair. “I left some stuff here for her. As well as some food for you. Good food, not the instant noodles and beer I left for the others.”

Mingfei’s jaw dropped. “What are we, chopped liver?”

“Your bodies can take it! Carli has to eat healthy for the baby to grow strong!” Crow roared in response.

Then he turned and grinned at me fondly, becoming that profound and majestic persona, Saeki Ryuuji. “I am a street gangster, and so is my father. He could beat up just about anyone, but when I was a boy, my father told me that I should know how to protect girls, because girls will be mothers in the future. They can have children, and children can bring hope! If the girl is dead and the man is alive, how can he forgive himself?”

We pored over the esoteric manuscripts. Herzog had his own shorthand, abbreviations, and things only he understood. It wasn’t a code, but his lingo and jargon. It made it near impossible to figure out his reasoning.

Nono was using her profiling ability. A lot of these works weren’t complete, not because of his short hand, but because they were referencing other materials not in this collection.

It didn’t help that the man was so disgusting. He conducted hundreds of human experiments. Almost all the disappearances of people in Japan in the past 20 years could likely be traced back to him. For Nono, searching for valuable clues in this man’s thinking was like searching for a wedding ring in a pile of dog vomit.

“Herzog wasn’t basing his work on known dragon research. He’s making leaps in conclusions that shouldn’t be possible given how we understand dragons. Sometimes, he said things that are completely contradictory and yet in hindsight were absolutely right.”

“For example, he knew that the sacred skeleton was not actually a bone but a parasite.” Mingfei said. “Literally no one was saying this, not even among the Hydras, so how did he know?”

“The only way he would know is if he had direct access to someone with first hand knowledge.” I said, sitting with a sleeping baby in my arms. I’d taken the opportunity for her nightly feeding while I listened to them work.

Mingfei looked at me and so did Nono.

I didn’t tell them but I’d actually done something very similar to Herzog’s accomplishments during Code: Leviathan.

EVA had needed assistance in translating reams of dragon text in a short amount of time, but about 25% of that dragon text was completely new to the study. It would take months to decipher it all and our ability to investigate a nearby dragon temple depended on understanding these parchments.

Enter my ethereal twin.

Through my dragon’s scale, I had access to an entirely separate reality, a reality where the White King never rebelled and humans still were ruled by dragons. With her first hand knowledge, I was able to make leaps in interpretations that should not have been possible.

But the system wasn’t perfect. Once my soul twin realized that we were going to kill Leviathan, she hid information from me. It wasn’t until we reached the central chamber of the temple that we found out that we weren’t at Leviathan’s nest at all, but a temple devoted to her human lover, the Raj Yamir.

“What first hand knowledge? Dragons have been dead for ages. The Secret Society is the one with the oldest records...” Nono rubbed her chin.

I shrugged. “Let’s not dismiss a possible solution just because its so obvious. Not only did he know it was a parasite, he had prepared a host for it months in advance. He knew exactly what he was doing ”

That host was a child made from my genetic materials -- materials that he had bought for 500 million dollars.

“He knew exactly what he was doing.” I said, in a softer voice, remembering how helpless I was to stop him.

“Uh. By the way!” Mingfei said loudly. “Do you think Crow has a thing for you?”

I lifted my head, dazed. “Huh?”

“Yeah speaking of obvious...” Nono smirked at me. “I think you should go for it.”

“Oh please.” I rolled my eyes. “He’s very kind and... what he said was nice, but you could tell he was putting on an act.”

“Was making all these dishes for you an act? What about all the baby supplies?” Nono pointed out.

I looked over at it. “He said he’s always wanted kids... ”

I turned my eyes to Johann who was tucked away in a sleeping bag. “I’m already married.”

“He just doesn’t know it.” Nono pursed her lips.

I chewed my lip. “I can’t do that. I swore to death... not to memory.”

Nono tilted her head and cracked open a beer. “Well, I’m done for tonight.”

“Yeah... let’s take a break.” Mingfei said, looking at me with sad eyes.

The next day we were back to it again, this time searching for his sources. One name kept coming up again and again.

Bondarev. 

“Herzog himself said that his original research was just going to help him to create a super army which... as far as villains go is not a very creative plot.” Mingfei commented. “He only started talking about the Sacred Skeleton after Bondarev came into the picture.”

By that evening, we had opened and closed at least a hundred books, taking pictures and searching for any references to Bondarev we could find.

We kept asking ourselves: Where did Bondarev get his knowledge? He claimed to be a Romanov, a family of Tsar’s that according to Secret Society information, were hybrids.

“But if Bondarev had inherited this knowledge from his ancestors, why did they go west to fight Hitler and not push into Japan to conquer them and get the most valuable treasure?” Nono said. “Japan was not really an opponent to them later either. But this guy is leading him step by step to becoming the White King on his own!”

“Herzog copied Bonderev’s route to becoming the White King pretty much verbatim.” Mingfei added.

According to Herzog’s notes, he killed Bondarev in a sneak attack, but it seemed too easy. Such a mysterious man was shot by Herzog through a cabin wall with a machine gun so that he died. “Herzog himself also said in the diary, ‘I don’t know if it is really Bondarev, I’ve killed.’”

The face of the deceased was Japanese, not Russian. Herzog guessed that it was Bondarev based on his body and figured Bonderev had performed some sort of plastic surgery to blend in and become part of the Hydra.”

We stared at each other a moment. After two nights, we had seemed to have gotten no closer to any answers. Nono, fed up, grabbed one of the books and pitched it across the room.

Crow, who had just walked in, caught it right in the face. “Wow! Good evening!” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Did I come at a bad time?”

“Do you see my face?” Nono snarled, crossing her arms.

“Aaah! So scary! I come bearing gifts!” He held up a bag as if to shield himself. “To make up for my oversight earlier. Fresh gift fruits from the Academy!”

We looked at the bag like it was a bomb. And it could have been given that the Gear Department wasn’t above hiding explosive devices in food.

“Ahahah! It’s fine! I tested it myself on the way here! The finest in Japan. The melon alone is about ten grand!”

Ru’Yi squealed when she saw Crow and he picked her up and squeezed her. “You’re too young for solid food princess!” He planted a loud raspberry into her cheek.

Ru’Yi reached out and grabbed his nose, cackling with a wide smile.

With his nose pinched, he said, “Moutong-sama, if you could please take a look at the video on my phone here. They’ve asked me to broadcast it all over Tokyo.”

He handed over the phone then turned to continue to play with Ru’Yi.

On the screen was a burly middle-aged man with a square face and a determined expression. 

“Motong, if you can see this video, please be sure to watch it all the way through. This is a message from your family. You are in great danger. The people you are with are potentially violent and have committed serious crimes. Your family misses your safety very much and hope you will know how to return.”

“This Mingfei business has nothing to do with you. You are innocent. You have been deceived. No matter where you are now, as long as you fight to come home, call the following number and we have the absolute ability to ensure your safety....”

Nono tossed the phone back to Crow. “What does he consider me? A little girl who fell down a well?” She said, her tone cold.

Crow and Mingfei exchanged glances.

“So... he really is your father?” Crow asked carefully. “You don’t have a good relationship with him?”

“Can you see my face right now?” Nono circled her face with one finger.

When Crow tried to ask another question, Mingfei made a throat cutting gesture.

“Well if you don’t care, I’ll let it broadcast then.” He shrugged, pocketing the phone.

“This is... getting too heavy... Why don’t we go out to eat?” Mingfei humbly suggested. “I know a place near here. A 24-hour Ramen shop. We can decompress there.”