#but like some things i read were incredible

[ham1lton]

X MARKS THE SPOT!

pairings: retired f1 drivers x retired f1 legend!yn.

faceclaim: jessica alba.

summary: being the first-ever female f1 world champion was hard enough. writing a tell-all about it, including all the details of your beef with that former driver? let’s just say the track wasn’t the only place things got heated.

warnings: mentions of misogyny. like a lot. so if that is something that makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read!! your comfort comes first <3

author’s note: ignore timeline issues!! this was all inspired by that one anon who said something about yn writing a tell-all. this was written in like three hours. if you liked this, maybe send me an ask? :D now part of a trilogy!

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liked by vogue, jimmyfallon and 2,837,018 others

yourinstagram: it was so fun talking to jimmyfallon about writing my memoir ‘lucky girl syndrome’! i talked about getting the call that i was being signed, getting name dropped in a kdot song (thank you for making me cool to my nephews!) and the legacy i want to leave behind. check it out!!!

view all 298,727 comments

user1: MOTHERRR

user2: omg i’ve already pre-ordered my copy!!

-> user3: i’ve reserved it at my local library 🫡

user4: i hope she spills all the tea. i wanna know exactly who the misogynist motherfuckers are.

user5: she’s the goat female driver idc!! first female championship winner!!

-> user9: during her time in mclaren, jenson was carrying her. but yeah let’s talk about that one rigged championship 😂

user6: she still looks so hot. my first celeb crush.

-> user7: i had pictures of her all over my wall. i think my mom still has them up 😓

user8: worst driver of all time. only there because she looked good in the race suit.

-> user11: if she wasn’t hot, no one would care about her driving.

user10: this was always going to happen when you allowed women into f1. ruined the sport. she was nothing but a distraction on the grid.

-> user12: she was incredible. she clawed her way to a championship when everyone doubted her. she proved that women can do anything. the only distraction are people like you.

user13: please please please tell me she says that her and jenson were a thing. i always used to ship them so bad. the photoshoot for british vogue was imprinted on my thirteen year old brain.

-> user14: ANOTHER JENSONYN SHIPPER!!! baitclaren was my fav mclaren era. y’all can have your twinkclaren!!

-> user15: remember when jenson shut down a misogynistic reporter who tried to imply that yn wasn’t a good driver?? that was his girl frfr!!

user16: i’m so proud of u yn. you’ve been through so much and i’m excited to support you.

*liked by yourinstagram.*

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“SHE’S NOT THAT FAST — SHE JUST GETS LUCKY SOMETIMES. THAT’S ALL IT IS. RIGHT CAR — RIGHT TIME. LUCKY GIRL SYNDROME.” — a senior mclaren engineer.

dedicated to everyone who ever rooted for me. thank you.

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EXCERPT FROM LUCKY GIRL SYNDROME.

by yn yln.

when i signed with mclaren in 2013, i thought i was living my dream.

i was the only female driver on the grid, paired with jenson button—a world champion, a household name, and, to some, a certified heartthrob. they already loved calling him “promiscuous” in the press, and suddenly there i was: the pretty young woman who happened to drive fast. to them, we weren’t drivers—we were a brand. two good-looking people in shiny cars. and that label stuck.

from the start, i wasn’t taken seriously. i’d show up to meetings and realize they’d given me the wrong time—jenson would already be there, halfway through strategising with the team. he always looked uncomfortable when i walked in late, knowing i wasn’t told the same things he was.

“you’re here now,” he’d say, smiling politely, trying to ease the tension. i liked him. he wasn’t the problem. he was respectful, and if anyone made an offhand comment about me, he’d interject with a joke to cut through the awkwardness. but even his kindness couldn’t fix what was fundamentally wrong.

my first podium was a moment i’d worked my entire life for. it was a race where i drove faster than jenson, faster than most of the grid. but the photo they posted of me on the team’s social media wasn’t of me crossing the finish line, or holding my trophy.

it was me in the garage, leaning over the car, my race suit unzipped halfway down. the caption didn’t even mention the podium. it was just… my body. i couldn’t stomach looking through the comments.

i’ll never forget calling my dad that night. he was furious. he asked me why i didn’t make a fuss. why i didn’t storm into the team’s office and demand better treatment. but what he didn’t understand was that it wasn’t that simple. you’re the only woman in a room full of men, and they’re already waiting for you to slip up. waiting for you to show too much emotion, to prove them right when they think women are too “dramatic” to handle the job.

so i kept my head down. i smiled at the cameras, laughed at the jokes, and drove my ass off every weekend. and every time i was faster than jenson, every time i outqualified him or finished ahead, they’d say, “she got lucky.” when he beat me, they’d say, “see? this is why she doesn’t belong here.” it was a game i couldn’t win.

being the first woman on the grid wasn’t just about being fast. it was about being everything they didn’t expect me to be: calm, collected, agreeable. i couldn’t afford to push back because i knew they’d use it against me. so i swallowed it all, every little slight, every dismissive comment, every missed opportunity. i thought if i just kept my head down and drove, eventually, i’d earn their respect.

but now, looking back, i realize… they were never going to respect me. not really. not as a driver. they respected what i did for their brand, for their image. they respected how well i played the part. but as a person, as an athlete? i was just another pretty face to them. nothing more. and that’s what hurt the most.

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r/books

Discussion Thread:

“Lucky Girl Syndrome” by YN YLN: Thoughts, Reactions, and the Drama It’s Stirred Up.

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u/checkeredpast: just finished lucky girl syndrome, and WOW. she did not hold back. calling out mclaren for the way they treated her, the “wrong meeting times” sabotage, and the completely inappropriate podium photo… i can’t believe this stuff actually happened.

u/fastlaneandfurious: the part where she talks about the team using her as a “walking brand strategy” instead of a driver broke my heart. like, they wanted her to be the face of the team but refused to actually treat her like a serious athlete.

u/f1fanfiction: let’s talk about the fact that she outsold literally every sports memoir in history. 2 million copies sold in the first week. yn doesn’t just break records on the track, apparently.

u/nosteeringallowed: her calling out the media for labeling her as “lucky” after she beat half the grid is ICONIC. “they didn’t call my male teammates lucky—they called them skilled.” like, yes queen, drag them.

u/ynsthegoat: what got me was the chapter about the infamous team dinner where they wouldn’t even let her speak during strategy talk. then she went out and out-qualified jenson the next day.

u/overqualifiedandundervalued: “they said i was lucky, but luck doesn’t drive faster laps or win races. luck didn’t make me the first woman to win a championship—it was skill, it was hard work, and it was me.” CHILLS. absolute chills.

u/gridgossip: is no one going to talk about the tea she spilled on that one driver? the “polite but condescending” comments she got from him while he constantly undermined her. we KNOW it’s about seb.

u/wheresthefinishline: @ u/gridgossip no no no, it’s def about fernando. she’s been shady about him for years, and the way she described the “overly competitive teammate who couldn’t handle being outpaced by a woman” fits him perfectly.

u/holygrailpodium: the inappropriate photo after her first podium makes me so mad every time. she’s standing there in tears, holding the trophy, and they choose to post a picture of her leaning over the car with her suit half-open?? disgusting.

u/gaslitandgridlocked: her dad being her biggest defender was such a beautiful part of the book, though. “why do you stay quiet when you’re the fastest in the room?” hit me right in the heart.

u/podiumqueen: not me crying over how she kept driving through all of this, knowing they didn’t want her there. like, the strength it must’ve taken to win races when her own team wasn’t even rooting for her.

u/championshipenergy: the way she calls out how different her career would’ve been if she were a man was SO POWERFUL. “they didn’t need me to be fast, they needed me to be pretty. they got both, and they still weren’t satisfied.”

u/mimosasontherace: i can’t stop thinking about the last chapter where she talks about winning her first championship and how no one in her team even hugged her when the cameras switched off. like, they couldn’t even fake happiness for her.

u/driversanddivas: this book isn’t just a memoir; it’s a reckoning. yn exposed everyone who doubted her and proved that no matter what they threw at her, she came out on top. lucky girl syndrome my ass—she EARNED that title.

u/lightsoutandread: imagine being on the grid right now, knowing you were one of the people she called out. the absolute awkwardness.

u/trophiesandtrauma: if you’re on the fence about reading this, DO IT. it’s not just about racing—it’s about breaking barriers, sexism, and resilience. honestly, it deserves all the success it’s getting.

u/checkeredpast: she’s already announced a limited series deal with a streaming platform. you KNOW it’s going to be messy when they dramatize the “wrong meeting times” scene.

u/bookishracer: “lucky girl syndrome” is officially my book of the year. yn didn’t just tell her story; she made sure no one could ever erase it again.

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liked by f1stan, ynstan and 1,837,928 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: f1 legend and now best selling author, yn yln, took to harper’s bazaar to discuss writing and her career. however, her memoir went viral for more than its record breaking sales. yln mentioned that there was a certain driver that would be her biggest fan in public and then undermine her in public. it has been dubbed ‘x marks the spot’, with the hashtag gaining major traction on social media. what do you think ham1ltons? and who do you think the supposed driver could be?

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‘there was one driver who always seemed to go out of his way to remind me i didn’t belong. he wasn’t on my team, but his presence always lingered—sharp, dismissive, condescending. let’s call him x. in interviews, he’d say all the right things, calling me a “trailblazer” and claiming he respected what i brought to the sport. but in the paddock, it was another story. during press conferences, he’d interrupt me, throwing in some smug joke that made everyone laugh but left me feeling small. once, during a rain delay, he walked past my garage and casually remarked to my engineer, loud enough for me to hear, “well, at least she��ll look good sliding off the track.” and when i won my first race, beating him in the process, he didn’t say a word. no handshake, no congratulations—just a quick glance and he was gone. i’ll never know why he went out of his way to belittle me, but in the end, i didn’t care. that win wasn’t for him. it was for me.’

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view all 23,727 comments

user1: it’s definitely fernando. they’ve never liked each other, and he’s always been salty when anyone’s faster than him.

-> user2: nah, it can’t be fernando. he’s competitive, but he’s never outright disrespectful. i’m thinking nico.

-> user1: girl that’s the point 😭 x was never openly disrespectful.

user3: okay but what about lewis? we KNOW their relationship wasn’t always great. remember how tense they were in interviews back then?

-> user4: no way it’s lewis. he’s literally said she’s one of the most talented drivers he’s raced against.

-> user5: lewis can say nice things now, but what if he wasn’t like that back then? she didn’t say the guy stayed disrespectful. she also said x was nice in public, who knew what he was saying in private.

user6: everyone’s ignoring seb, but she’s shaded him before. what if it’s him?

-> user7: yn has ALWAYS defended seb. if anything, he was one of the few drivers who actually supported her. it’s not him.

user8: it has to be fernando. the whole paragraph is giving fernando energy, and you know it.

-> user9: nah, i still think it’s nico. remember when he threw shade at her in a press conference after she outqualified him?

user10: you’re all wrong. it’s michael. she’s talked about how intimidating he was to race against, and she never got along with him.

-> user11: yn literally called michael one of her idols. she’d never write about him like that.

user12: y’all are missing the obvious answer—kimi. he’s the only one who would say something that blunt and not care about the fallout.

-> user13: kimi didn’t even talk to her half the time lol. i can’t see him caring enough to belittle her.

user14: okay, what if it’s no one we’re expecting? maybe it’s some random mid-grid guy like grosjean or massa.

-> user15: yn wouldn’t waste a whole chapter on someone irrelevant. it has to be one of the big names. my money’s on fernando or nico.

-> user1: fernando for sure. yn’s always been lowkey bitter about him, and this just proves it.

-> user2: it’s not fernando!! why can’t you just accept that some drivers are cocky without it being him??

-> user3: okay but if it’s not fernando, who else would it be?? the smug comments SCREAM his vibe.

user5: we’re all arguing, but yn’s probably laughing at us right now. she KNEW we’d be doing this.

user16: yn ‘attention whore’ yln.

user17: at least we know it wasn’t my king jb 😻

user18: idk who tf yn is but this tea is so juicy 😭

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[setting: thanksgiving dinner, complete chaos. plates of food are half-eaten, wine glasses are full, and cousin jess is recording everything on tiktok. the family is deep into an argument about “x marks the spot,” using jess’s infamous powerpoint as reference.]

uncle bob: jess, i still don’t get why you made a whole powerpoint about this.

cousin jess: because the people need to know, uncle bob. yn’s memoir is the drama of the decade, and you’re welcome for organizing all the evidence.

aunt carol: honestly, it’s that fernando. slide four proves it. all the press conferences where he interrupted her? it’s right there.

aunt fiona: fernando wasn’t that bad. he even congratulated her in, like, 2017. i think it’s nico. slide eight, jess literally wrote “petty king energy” under his name.

uncle hamish: it’s not nico. you’re all overthinking this. i say it’s jenson. didn’t he once call her “intense” in an interview?

cousin matt: jenson literally defended her against the media every other week, hamish. you clearly didn’t listen to slide six.

grandpa: i still don’t understand why this yn person didn’t just punch the guy.

grandma: because she has class, unlike this family. pass the stuffing.

aunt bobbi: wait, what about lewis? slide ten said they were “friendly but complicated.” maybe he was fake-nice to her.

uncle craig: fake-nice? lewis was the only one who liked her, bobbi. slide nine has like five examples of him hyping her up in interviews.

cousin jess: uncle craig, you’re wrong. he was supportive, but there’s that one time he ignored her after she beat him in qualifying. it’s suspicious.

aunt carol: you think it’s suspicious? no way. lewis isn’t smug enough to be x.

uncle hamish: oh please, you’re all just picking names because they sound dramatic. if anything, it was sebastian.

aunt fiona: seb? absolutely not. slide seven shows he called her “one of the best drivers on the grid” multiple times.

uncle bob: that’s suspicious. who compliments people that much unless they’re guilty?

grandma: compliments aren’t guilt, bob. stop eating the cranberry sauce straight from the bowl and get a grip.

aunt carol: you’re all wrong. slide four, people! fernando cutting her off mid-sentence! the man’s guilty as sin.

grandpa: why does anyone care about this? it’s all rich people in fancy cars. sounds like nonsense.

cousin matt: rich people drama is the best kind of drama, grandpa.

aunt bobbi: jess, why is kimi’s slide just a picture of him smoking with “#needthat” written under it?

cousin jess: because kimi’s innocent. everyone knows he doesn’t care about anything but being my dream man.

uncle craig: so why isn’t yn on the slide about drivers who were universally liked?

cousin jess: because she wasn’t universally liked, uncle craig. she was fast, hot, and female in a male-dominated sport. they were all salty.

uncle bob: well, now they’re all posting about how much they respect her.

grandma: of course they are. it’s called covering their asses.

uncle hamish: if i were yn, i’d name names. all this mystery is just fueling conspiracy theories.

grandpa: or she could just leave it alone so we don’t have to argue about it at thanksgiving. what the hell even is f1? is that nascar?

uncle craig: formula 1, dad. jesus, keep up.

grandma (snapping): if someone doesn’t pass me the cranberry sauce right now, i’m gonna be the next x.

[jess pans the camera to her grandma glaring at the table, muttering under her breath as the family keeps arguing.]

cousin jess (whispering into her phone): y’all, my family is losing it over x marks the spot. happy thanksgiving.

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liked by landopriv, ynupdates and 4,738,918 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: an update on the ‘x marks the spot’ speculation. it started over who exactly is x, from f1 legend yn yln’s memoir and it is causing a stir! with former/current drivers taking to social media and journalists to prove their innocence. kimi räikkönen, when asked, said ‘yn deserved every win she got. people talked too much, but she let her driving do all the talking. always respected that about her.’

mick schumacher released a statement via instagram, with a montage of photos of him and his dad with the first female championship winner: ‘my dad always believed yn was one of the most talented drivers he’d ever seen. he admired her strength, her skill, and her ability to prove everyone wrong, time and time again. he spoke so highly of her and what she brought to the sport, and i know he’d be so proud to see her telling her story.’ when sebastian vettel made a rare appearance to the grid, he confirmed that he had bought a copy and thought that he was proud to watch yn ‘make history’.

now the sudden flurry of support is making fans of the sport wonder just who is genuine and who is covering his ass? what do you think ham1ltons?

view all 2,983 comments

user1: the way literally everyone is tripping over themselves to prove it’s not them is SO funny. one of you is lying, and we will figure it out.

-> user20: exactly!! the fact that EVERYONE is suddenly posting/talking feels so suspicious lmao. someone’s definitely guilty, and they’re trying to throw us off the scent.

user2: kimi’s response is so him. short, straight, and unbothered. it’s definitely not him.

-> user22: we’re all analysing this, but kimi’s out here just vibing like always. love that man.

user3: mick’s statement is beautiful and wholesome as always, but also low-key throwing shade at the others?? like, ‘my dad always supported her’ is giving ‘can’t say the same for you lot.’

-> user21: honestly, mick’s post is the only one that feels 100% genuine. his dad was always so supportive of yn.

user4: seb really said ‘i bought the book’ and dipped. man didn’t even deny anything outright. sus??

-> user5: nah, seb’s always been a yn fanboy. remember when he called her ‘the most talented driver on the grid’? it’s not him.

user6: the lewis and nico posts are giving major ‘damage control’ energy. both of them trying WAY too hard to sound supportive.

-> user7: facts. lewis called her a ‘champion’ like we wouldn’t notice how cold things were between them back in the day.

-> user17: tbh, i don’t think it’s lewis. yn has said before that he was always encouraging her, and they’ve stayed friendly.

user8: fernando’s post feels so rehearsed. like, when has he ever gushed over yn like that before??

user9: low-key think it’s nico. man was so salty about literally everything back then, and the ‘petty king’ vibes match the memoir perfectly.

-> user10: yesss, especially the part where she said he didn’t congratulate her after her first win. sounds EXACTLY like something nico would do.

user11: not enough people are talking about jenson. just because he was her teammate doesn’t mean he’s innocent. the whole ‘answer my texts’ thing was cute, but he’s a smooth talker.

-> user12: nah, yn always spoke highly of jenson. he had her back when mclaren was treating her like a sex toy. i’m ruling him out.

user13: so we’re all just ignoring that fernando spent YEARS shading her in press conferences? india ‘13 is permanently engraved in my brain.

-> user18: can’t lie, if it’s fernando, i’ll be disappointed but not surprised. his 2013 energy was… a lot.

user14: honestly, they’re all acting sketchy. the sudden love bomb of support is too much. one of you is x and we will find out.

user15: plot twist: what if x isn’t even one of the obvious names? imagine it’s someone random like felipe massa lmao.

-> user16: watch it not even be one of the main suspects and we’ve been dragging the wrong guy this whole time 💀

user18: it’s giving ‘we need to get ahead of the narrative’ vibes, and i’m here for the chaos.

-> user19: everyone’s pr team is in OVERDRIVE rn lmfaoooo

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— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryy @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @aliciaablueprint @theblueblub @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @landososcar @yongi-lee @velentine @m1892 @blushmimi @evans-dejong @nixisracing @lethalvenus @sainzluvrr @santanasaintmendes @idontknowlmaoo @sainzluvrr @tetetoni @ssprayberrythings @heavy-vettel @tashisgf @daniskywalkersolo @c-losur3 @lestappenslover @linoscrly (see yourself tagged when you don’t wanna be? or you want to be and don’t see yourself? send me an ask!)

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[wingedshadowfan]

i'm not a native english speaker so i might be reading too much into this but i think caitlyn's choice of words here is really important!!

let's not forget she's incredibly eloquent and well spoken, but she gets hesitant and flustered here. she's debating what to say so she can communicate her feelings to vi clearly and avoid any misunderstandings.

her first choice by elimination is easy - she doesn't say I'm seeing someone because she isn't. not anymore. and she wants to emphasize to vi from the get-go that whatever it was, it's very much over now. in fact, most likely immediately after they reunited and got back from zaun with jinx - because while vi was out, she slept in caitlyn's bed. caitlyn took care of her.

her next two choices by elimination leave her with very few options. she doesn't say i've been seeing someone because that implies continuity and doesn't necessarily mean it's over now. she also doesn't say i was seeing someone because while that implies it's over now, it also implies that it was continuous, not a one-time thing. but cait wants vi to know it was shortlived, insignificant, maybe even that it has been over for some time now. almost like she's embarrassed about it. bcuz she's fully aware it was a mistake.

so she makes an interesting choice - more specifically, uses an incorrect tense. on purpose.

i saw someone.

if she hadn't literally prefaced it by breaking off the kiss to say, uh, listen, while you were gone... it would literally mean she saw someone - like just now, coming up the stairs. but this way, she sends a clear messege to vi in so few words.

it's over. it didn't last. it didn't matter. and i'm embarrassed about it.

and vi doesn't need more to understand.

she also did some embarrassing things when they were apart.

Do you think part of what made Vi sound so happy and endeared and almost amused when she said "Cait, I don't fucking care," was that in this moment, in the middle of making out, Caitlyn pulls away and stumbles out an honest explanation about how she had been with someone else?

This is the Caitlyn she knows. Not the puppet dictator, not the vengeful daughter, not even the suave girl who leaned against the wall and told her she's predictable a mere few seconds ago. This, the dorky, awkward, nervous Caitlyn is the one she first fell for, the one she first met. And yeah, Caitlyn is complex and can be dark and she's not the same, maybe she never was. But that part of her, the part that stuttered at Vi's flirting in the brothel, the part that tried to offer herself up to the Firelights in her place then sputtered in disbelief at Vi's appearance, the part that earned the name Cupcake, that part is real. Maybe it's tarnished, maybe it's changed, but it's still a part of her. And Vi had missed it desperately.

[district4loading]

Pathetic

Twice Sana x Male Reader

4k words

Content Warning: smut, cheating, mix of degrading and praise

Minors DNI

A/N: First of all I wanna say thank you so much for the support on my latest fic! It motivates me to put out more for you guys and I really appreciate it.

So so so sorry to the person that wanted female reader next, I PROMISE its coming. This is just some smut that was in my drafts, i figured I'd post it while I write the next fic I plan on uploading.

This is cut from a longer fic I wrote a little bit ago. I won't be posting the entire thing because I took alot of inspiration from a different fic I read. Not the smut though, the smut is all my writing so that's why I'm sharing it with you all.

(Also when I mention "Kim Minji" I'm talking about Jiu from Dreamcatcher.)

-

"You're pathetic"

-

One bad night was all it took, an argument with your wife over the way you looked at the intern at work earlier that day. You swore you weren't looking because 'no co-workers' was the rule in your open marriage and you would always honor that. Even if it wasn't, you knew that they didn't like each other so it'd be nothing short of betrayal to fuck someone who hated your wife. So no matter how incredible the girl looked in her short dresses and her tiny mini skirts, she was forbidden fruit.

Minji couldn't trust you though, she knew your type and could spot that look in your eye from a mile away. So she waited until you both got home to confront you about it. Of course, you denied even looking the interns way—a lie, might I add—then it turned into a screaming match, the hatred she had for her subordinate much more prevalent in her fiery eyes.

It ended with a slam of your bedroom door and the expectation that you'd sleep on the couch that night, which you did.

That's basically how you spent the following weekend, not talking to each other and only being painfully cold and passive aggressive when you did. You never liked to fight, it always felt so cold and empty, sleeping in different rooms waiting for the other to apologize. Days had passed, still barely any communication as your weekend fight bled into the weekdays. At work you kept things cordial, still not communicating much at all.

Everyone could tell, people at work could tell, there was a certain coldness in the both of you. You two were similar in that way, being extra shitty to your co-workers when things weren't going well at home. That and the fact that you chose to eat alone at lunch rather than with her.

You were in your office spending your lunch eating some ordered fast food while trying to catch up to a deadline when you heard your door open. Assuming it's one of your assistants you say "I'm on my lunch break, come back in thirty" without even looking up from your computer.

In your peripheral vision, you see the person instead step into your office and close the door behind them. Actually looking up this time, you open your mouth to speak, but the words fail to come out. It's the intern, Sana and she looks incredible. Her hair is straight and black today, very different from her usual brown wavy look but she pulled it off all the same. She wore a cute black dress, its material velvet and its collar white with three cute silver buttons down the midline. Then your eyes drift to her legs. Bare, pale and slim, not to mention there wasn't a bruise, scab or blemish in sight.

"Minatozaki, if you're looking for Mrs. Kim, she should be in her office" You throat goes dry, immediately noticing the interns quick move to lock the door behind her, a mischievous grin on her face.

"She's my boss, I know where she is. If I was looking for her, I would've went to her" Sana rolls her eyes and approaches your desk, leaning forwards to place her palms flat against the maple wood, straightening her arms as well. You look above your desktop, meeting her eyes for a split second before hearing alarms ringing distantly in the back of your mind.

You dart your eyes back to the paper you were working on then you gather up the thread of authority you have left to say "I can't imagine there would be anything you'd want from me, we work in completely different departments and.." You make eye contact for a moment "No disrespect but you're just an intern, so if you could please unlock the door and see your way out.." You say it so non chalantly, almost catching her confident demeanor shift at your passive aggressive tone.

Sana chews on her bottom lip for a bit "Oh don't be like that Mr. L/n..." She fake pouts, acting as if she's oh-so upset about your tone and in a way it was sexy. It's the way she drags out the words all slow in that sweet voice of hers, God it's killing  you. "I just noticed that Mrs. Kim's been extra bitchy this week... you know, at first I thought maybe she's on her period but then I noticed you two are barely talking to each other. Trouble in Paradise?" She asks, circling around your desk to stand beside you.

You look over with a fake polite grin on your face, making the grave mistake of rolling your chair back and turning it so you could face her. "That's really none of your business"

"Oh please, your open marriage is everybody's business" Sana chuckles for a moment and she leans down, holding herself up on the armrests of your chair. You mean to scoot the chair back as far as it can go, stand up and demand that she leave with your voice stern but instead you freeze. You fucking freeze, realizing how close she is and those ringing alarms from before? They turn into blaring sirens "So, why don't you tell me what happened? Whose fault is it? Yours or hers? She fuck someone she's not supposed to?"

It takes you a second to blink, then you swallow hard as you feel your body begin to burn, that nervous heat in your armpits. You catch a whiff of her perfume and it's fucking heavenly, some warm mix of vanilla and maybe cinnamon. Then her face, her beautiful face, one that could've only been hand sculpted by God himself. Her pink lipgloss only making her plump lips look all the more delectable and—fuck you're staring way too hard. "Listen, you're - you're way too close right now"

Sana leans down even closer and conveniently, if you were to look a few millimeters down, you'd be able to see her cleavage pouring out of her dress. "I'm just as close as I need to be, Sir" She says and there's that smirk again, that fucking smirk, the one that says 'I know i've got this mother fucker right where I want him' Now there's a thumping sound that begins filling your ears and it takes a second for you to realize it's your heart.

"I'm married, you should know this is very inappropriate and- "

A whimper escapes your lips the moment she makes a move to straddle your legs. "You're in an open relationship, so this..." She puts her hands on your shoulders "Is fine"

"We have certain boundaries, certain rules that aren't to be broken.. it's what makes us work"

She pokes her bottom lip out and looks at you through her lashes "Am I a boundary?"

"Of course you are! I know you and my wife aren't exactly the best of friends and to be frank, you're a stuck up, entitled brat who seriously needs a fucking reality check" You tell her and for the first time it actually sounds as if you have some sort of backbone but Sana doesn't flinch, make a face or get upset.

She just tilts her head "If i'm so bad, then why am I still on your lap?" She pauses, then looks down observing exactly how your body has betrayed you "And why are you hard?" She asks with a false-innocent tone, God you hated when she used that voice because she just sounded so stupidly sexy. She leans in closer to you, just by your ear "How about you give me a reality check" Her breath is warm as it brushes past your ear lobe.

Then you lose it, like actually lose it. Your hands find their way to her waist and you squeeze, hard enough that it elicits a sharp gasp from her. You pull her forwards and your bodies are now closer than ever, she leans down, arms wrapped loosely around your neck before your lips are pressed together. It's nothing like a rom-com, where the two main characters kiss and suddenly fireworks go off and it's magical and wholesome. No, this was pure raw lust, so strong that if it had a scent, the room would fucking reek of it.

Your lips move together so messily—sloppily as if you're genuinely trying to absolutely devour each other. Sana shoves her tongue into your mouth and you can taste her lipgloss, sweet strawberries, so intoxicating it all made your vision start to blur like a lucid dream. But this is no dream, this is real and the it's the sinful desire that makes it feel so good.

Now she's rocking her hips, whining and humming into your mouth as you suck each others lips swollen. She kisses your cheek and then deviates all the way down to your neck. You sigh a pleasureful breath "I shouldn't be doing this" You mutter, but make no effort to push her off.

She slides back then works on unbuttoning your shirt. "But you want to, I know you do" Her tongue darts out to wet her lips even more than they already were as she focused on getting your shirt off "God, how many fucking buttons.." She whispers to herself with a hot frustration.

This is wrong. You know it's wrong, hell your mind is yelling at you, sending an army of receptors to stimulate your brain to form a coherent rejection. Something mean enough that'll make this evil seductress leave the your office crying. It doesn't work in the slightest, you can't control the way you grip her waist or the way your head stirs from the feeling of being under her.

Sana finally finishes opening your button up "How'd I know you'd have a perfect body?" She mumbled, allowing her cute black nails to scrape against the hard surface of your chest and torso. Your hands drifted, eager to finally get a feel of those legs you've been leering at since day one. They were even softer than you imagined, you grabbed them softly, refraining from digging your fingernails into them. You just couldn't bring yourself to ruin such beautiful skin just yet.

"Sana" You say her name, low and deep, still not taking your eyes off of the way her thighs seem so tiny in your hands. With one hand still on her thigh, your dominant one slides up her dress and you pull her so called panties to the side. The material feels so thin and lacy, you couldn't even for sure call it underwear. "You're already dripping for me" You announce, sliding the pad of your middle finger up and down her slit, just slightly parting her lips so that it can graze against her clit ever so slightly when you reach the top. Her body jerks as you do, a tight gasp escaping her lips.

She's grinding on the pad of your fingers now and you're just watching—observing how she was so desperate, so needy for you. For you. She needed you to do something so badly but you wouldn't yet. It was frustrating her, of course but she just refused to open her mouth to say something so you do "Go ahead Sana, beg for it, tell me exactly what you want" You say it softly, slight rasp in your voice only adding to her burning arousal.

It takes her a moment before she can actually communicate words that didn't sound like pathetic whines. Still, moving her hips on your now stationary hand she mutters "I d-don't beg." She says it so weakly without even an ounce of conviction in her tone. What a fucking brat. You slip your hand from under her dress and they're on her waist again, then you pull her forwards and sit her directly over the rock hard bulge between your legs. She gasps, wet core directly on your clothed cock and when she moves to grind she realizes she can't because you are holding her still.

"You know, my lunch break will be over in a little under 20 minutes. Then people will be in and out of here like clock work and you?" You pause, taking a second to admire her beautiful face. From those pink pouty lips all the way to those dark and lustful eyes. "You'll be walking out of here un-touched and so wet that it's leaking down your thighs" You chuckle for a moment and shake your head "Is that what you want Sana?"

"mm-mm" She shakes her head, then looks deep into your eyes as if the thought of walking out of your office unsatisfied was the worst possible thing that could ever happen in life. "Please Sir, please - I need you inside of me please, please Sir"

You push her back a bit, then slide your dominant hand back under her dress. Your fingers come back into contact with her core and she's looking at you, her eyes begging-pleading for you to take her right here, right now in your office. Ever so slowly, you push your middle and ring fingers inside. She took them easy, a long whine escaping her lips when you curl your fingers "Fuck - thank you sir, thank you, thank you, thank you—" She's chanting in short breaths, her eyes screwing shut the moment you begin to pump in and out.

It's so wet, the sticky sound echoing throughout the otherwise empty office. Her walls hugged you tightly, only making your cock throb even more in your pants when you realized that you were going to be inside of her. Inside of this perfect fucking pussy. "So fucking tight, baby" You mutter as she mirrors your movements, grinding down on your fingers. She's moaning and whining so loud you think someone will hear, but you don't care anymore. Sana looks amazing like this, like she's made for this. To be on your fingers, rutting like a needy slut on top of you as she tries to get them much deeper than they could go.

"Oh - Fuck yes... just like that sir" She cuts herself off with a gasp "That feels so fucking good" You're allowing the pad of your fingers to press against her g-spot and you can tell its driving her crazy. By the way she's moving her hips and squeezing your arms for leverage, she's fucking loving this. Everything about Sana is just obscene. From the way she curses in that filthy tone to the way she's shamelessly

Now her breathing is erratic, like she's about to have a panic attack or faint, and you can feel her walls massaging you. "Are you gonna cum already?" You mutter almost in awe as you stare at her beautiful face. She was so pretty with her eyes closed and her head hung from the embarrassment of being so needy and horny. Then she was soaking, her arousal running down your fingers.

"I - fuck sir - please" She tries to respond, nodding frantically as she begins moaning unabashedly in your face. Her breath warm and shaky as it escapes her lips "Ah - Please make me cum sir, please make me fucking cum" Sana's begging now, pridefully without any kind of shame even though she was in a really shameful position. Riding her superior's fingers on his lap in his office where there's a big ass window in the door. If someone looked through at the right angle, she would've been caught and she knew that. Hell, she gets off on it.

The stirring in your pants gets more persistent, more impatient and it's fucking aching. So you slide your fingers out and for a moment, Sana's still whining and grinding, her fucked out brain still not registering the loss of touch yet. You grab her legs and stand up, then you place her on the desk, right next to your computer and you begin unzipping your pants. "Oh fuck yes daddy please give me your cock" She bites her bottom lip and gives you a look and it almost makes you growl.

Your pants are at your ankles along with your boxers and you're pulling her closer, her legs loosely wrapping around your waist. "You're a real fucking slut" You grab her face, squeezing her cheeks so her lips sort of smush together. In your grip, she nods the best she can, a hot 'mm-hmm' leaving her throat. There's a moment you take to just look into her eyes, the way her eyebrows were upturned, the look of pure fucking want in her eyes. God it was ruining you.

"I can be your personal slut if you'd like, sir" She says it like she's pleading after you let go of her face. Then you hike her dress up a bit more and you're finally lining yourself up. You press the fat tip against her entrance and she winces and looks down. She's holding onto your arms to brace herself "Fuck, it's so big - want you to fucking stretch me"

God she's so filthy, in the way she speaks, moves and stares at you it's unbelievable and you fucking love it. You know you should hate it, you should be disgusted with her. Practically throwing herself at a married man all to spite his wife, her boss at that. You should fucking hate her for the things she's said to Minji and the fact that she hates her. But you just can't get over her body, the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she does fucking anything with that pretty face of hers.

You slide your cock into of her entrance ever so slowly, immediately feeling the tight grip of her warm walls. "Holy shit" You groan and Sana's gone silent, her jaw slack as she looks up and directly into the white light in the ceiling with her eyebrows furrowed. "So - fucking - tight" Your teeth are clenched as you're grunting finally making it all the way to the hilt.

Then you stop for a moment, pulling her even closer "You're so fucking deep i - please fuck me sir, please" You do exactly as she says, pulling your hips back just to thrust all the way back in and she lets out a moan so guttural that it had to have been stuck the back of her throat. Then you're in more of a rhythm, fucking the tight, smooth hole that she's just letting you have. "That's right - fucking use me - oh God"

She's more than just enjoying herself and you're both moaning way louder than you should be. But everything's just too much, because you're a thousand degrees, sweaty and tousled. You can't smell it but you know the room reeks of that pungent aroma, one that could only be recognized for what it was—what it could only be. Sex.

You lean over, resting your head in the crook of her neck so that your lips can come into contact with the salty flesh. "You feel so fucking good - God" You mumble on her skin, licking, kissing, sucking all to make everything feel all the more overstimulating to her. It was something you never thought you'd ever say, but she felt the best out of almost any girl you've ever been with. There was something uniquely warm, tight and moist about her that you've never felt before.

"Yeah - Yeah - Yeah - please don't stop sir, please keep fucking me like that." You can't get enough of her, you wouldn't even stop if you wanted to. Then you're reaching your hand down, tongue still licking her neck as you press your fingers against her swollen clit. The poor thing was practically begging for attention before you got to it. You circled your fingers around it in a way which matched your thrusts.

Now Sana was really seeing stars, like actual stars, her vision even going black at some points. You knew you had her when you first felt her legs begin to shake, then the rhythmic pulsing inside. You lightly bite her ear "There you go baby, cum for me" You whisper so hotly that it's got her right on the edge.

"Yeah" She whispers, her voice shaking breathily and then she gets louder "G-Gonna - Fuck" It's erratic, the way she's moving so rigidly and the insane grip you have on her waist isn't doing any favors. "You're gonna make me cum, you're gonna make me fucking cum" Sana's nodding her head.

Then her back is arched, pushing her chest into yours and she's toppling over the edge. Her moans beautifully silent, caught in her throat as her body stutters and shakes erratically. "That's a Good girl, Sana" You encourage her, knowing that she'd love the praise.

Once she recovers, you don't slow down, in fact you're speeding up almost choking as you now recognize how pent up and sensitive you are. Like you could explode any fucking minute. You know it and Sana does from the way you're heaving and panting like a beat dog. The way your face is red, and then the serious concentration. She squeezes her legs tighter around your waist "Please cum in me sir - wanna feel you filling me up" She moans erotically.

You shiver at this, hearing the words come out of her mouth so fucking easily.. "I can't" Are the only words you can mutter without your voice breaking, it's almost humiliating. But she wants it, she wants it so bad.

"Yes you can" She wraps her arms around your neck and pulls you close, her mouth near your ear now. "Come on daddy, breed me. Mark your fucking territory" she eggs you on in that perfect voice of hers and you almost fucking malfunction. This girl is so dangerous. You mean to pull out, you really do but all of a sudden you can't make yourself stop when you begin shooting your load inside. Fucking it deep inside of her womb, like really deep and she's moaning so loud as if she's the one cumming. She's getting off on it.

The two of you stay like that for a bit, God knows how long with your heads empty and your bodies sweaty. When you finally pull out, your cock already soft. Sana giggles a bit, then pulls her panties back over her raw cunt and she slowly slides herself off of your desk. You're pulling your pants up, fixing your belt and then your button up as she tidy's up her dress. "I shouldn't have done that" You sigh, immediately feeling the regret hit you like a truck now that the lust has withered away.

"Come on, it's not like your marriage is exclusive"

You sit in your chair, leaning forwards as you bury your hands in your face, smelling Sana on them. "We have fucking rules Sana, and i broke them all" You're thinking about what you'll tell Minji, how badly this'll probably fucking hurt her. Way to go, you went ahead and fucked a load into the only girl your wife hates. The one you promised that she didn't have to worry about. Sana opens her mouth to say something else but you don't want to hear it "Please get out and... don't tell anybody about this"

"Okay" She says, but she says it sarcastically, like she doesn't take you seriously. You get up from your chair as she puts her hand on the door knob "I'm fucking serious, Sana. Nobody, not your friends, not our co-workers and certainly not-"

"Mrs. Kim?" She finishes your thought, tilting her head. "You're pathetic, let go of me" She scoffs then snatches her arm from your hands then continues to exit your office. You exhale deeply, and you punch the wall, not hard enough to leave a hole but hard enough to leave a bruise. So you immediately regret it, shaking the hand you used.  Sana was right, you were pathetic.

"This can't happen again" You tell yourself out loud as if it'll make your words true.

It doesn't.

[hannieween]

the shadow | yoon jeonghan

› pairings: yoon jeonghan x female reader › aus: demon hunter jeonghan, supernatural au, demon reader › genres: angst, smut (18+) › word count: 10.6k

› 🎧: truth be told – baekhyun | blame – i.m | slidin' – kai | ribbon – dpr ian | burn it – bibi ft. dean | show me – devita | shadow – ten | lovememore – dosii | fuxxin' love (2019) – OoOo | hold me down – hyejin

› proofread by the lovelies @gyuhao5 and @monamipencil ty 🩵

› this one shot is part 3 of the curse - hannieween fest

› warnings after the cut! READ THEM CAREFULLY 🗣️

› warnings: violence: abduction (not jeonghan at reader or the way around), yandere undertones, toxic relationship, smut with plot, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, comfort fuck, switch reader, switch jeonghan, jeonghan is down atrocious, dirty talk, cowgirl, worship. pet names: little demon, baby, (hers)

› disclaimer: minors dni this post is intended for 18+ readers. please have your age stated in your description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂

THE GROUND VIBRATED BENEATH YOUR FEET. It was a Friday night, and the city was alive with desire and sin. The streets were busy with people going around, and the buzzing from their souls was distracting, making you hungry.

But, living in the human world as a demon meant that you had to keep your head down. It would be incredibly dumb on your part to start a carnage in the middle of the street. Besides, you were odd, since you liked living amongst them like you were part of their world too.

In that same vein, you had adopted some of their nature too, so you were running late for work. It was your third month working in a small local pub in the town you used to live. It was a simple enough job. You had found out that you had a natural talent for tending to drunken people, and they found themselves naturally attracted to you. So, suffice it to say, that you earned a good amount of tips every night.

“I’m sorry, I’m late,” you said, removing the scarf you wore on your neck and hanging it on the coat rack.

“You’re only wearing that?” your co-worker, Daisy stared at you as though you were an odd bug. “It’s cold as a witch’s teat outside.”

“Witches are cool. That is why I am team cold,” you sighed, grabbing your pen and a notepad. “How’s it been?”

“Slow,” Daisy replied with a dead tone. “A passerby asked for you,” she mentioned offhandedly as she looked at her reflection in a hand mirror, checking out her lipstick.

“Who?” you frowned. You had a few regulars that admittedly only came to see you, but Daisy would know them by name.

“Some random weirdo,” she shrugged. “Didn’t say your name, but he gave your description to the last hair on your head. Creepy.”

You grew more intrigued, turning to her to see the disinterest on her face. “What did you tell him?”

“To fuck off, naturally,” she replied with the same ease. “He refused to give me his name, so I refused to give him details about you.”

“Is he still here?” you asked, walking towards the door and sneaking a glance through the small round window to the pub.

“He’s sitting on one of the stools. If it gets to it, I already warned Mike about him,” she smirked triumphantly, crossing her arms. “I wouldn’t mind having a little fun watching him throw that creep out. It would make my Friday night.”

In the bar, you saw a man, sitting on the far side of the row of stools. He kept his head down, so it was nearly impossible for you to discern the features of his face. But one thing you knew, it was the first time that you had seen him.

“Well, I suppose that my Friday night just got more interesting.”

Daisy sent you a knowing look, her shoulders going slack in a sign of defeat. “Don’t tell me you’re going to talk to that guy?” she asked with an incredulous tone. “I was a bitch to him, I gave him the middle finger already! All for nothing?”

“We’ll find out,” you smirked at her, pushing the door open and stepping out of the backroom of the pub and into the warm and cozy place, buzzing with the sounds of the people gathering, clinking their jars and laughing out loud.

Some people greeted you with nods and waves of their hands, some people called your name whenever you strolled around the pub, between the tables and chairs. Usually, you would make your way to the first table that waved you down, but this time, you walked straight behind the bar.

“Hi, Mikey,” you greeted with a sing-song tone. “How’s it going?”

“Like any Friday night,” the older man spoke, he was about a foot taller than you, his beard adorned with gray hairs. “A guy is looking for you, Daisy told me,” he pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. “First sign of trouble, tell me.”

“Thank you, Mikey,” you sighed, showing him a smile. Something within you stirred with something akin to satisfaction. To be surrounded by people who take care of you, in the best way humanely possible, made you feel special, and welcomed.

If only they knew. If they knew that you were very much capable of handling any trouble, even more capable than Mikey to kick out any drunkard without batting an eye. But they did not have to know, in fact, you were trying your best to keep your head down, and avoid drawing attention to yourself.

However, that happened naturally to you. People glanced your way without you even looking for it. So you made your way to the end of the bar, stopping in front of the person sitting on the last stool.

He wore a black leather jacket, his hair equally dark was long and arranged in a ponytail, some hairs hanging on the sides in a messy fringe. He toyed with the rim of his jar, half emptied already.

“You’ve been looking for me?” you placed your elbows neatly on the countertop, leaning slightly so you could sneak a better look to his face.

The man beat you to it, raising his head so he could direct a careful glance over you, sizing you up. Once he gathered with his eyes every detail of your physique, he nodded. “Yeah, that might be you who I’m looking for,” he said offhandedly, tilting his head to one side.

You coughed, getting an uncomfortable feeling as he eyed you up and down. “What can I help you with?”

He pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. You could not make out what he was about, and that was when you started to get a flight or fight feeling. Like a prey who is being sighted by its killer, far between the lines of discretion.

“I want you to tell me,” he began, keeping his voice low and his brown eyes on your face. “Why does a demon live between humans? Isn’t that surpassing the line of playing with your food?”

You froze in an instant, fear of being caught sizzling underneath your skin. “Who are you?” you asked.

“I should be asking that to you,” he frowned. “Listen, I see that you care about the humans that are around you right now, so, I’d suggest that we take this conversation elsewhere, away from any potential casualties.”

“What if I don’t care about the humans around me?” you countered, making him pause and consider your words. “Like you said, what if I like playing with my food?”

He narrowed his brown eyes, his lips forming a syllable, but then they broke into a grin. “You’re lying.”

You looked at him in pure perplexion. You had heard about demon hunters before in your short life as a demon. But you never had the opportunity to come across one, so you never really cared.

“Are you a hunter?” you asked, silently reprimanding yourself for showing that you were actually shaken by his presence.

He was dark. Alluring, even. If you dared to glimpse past his mask, you saw a smoking light dancing inside him, it was his soul.

“I am,” he nodded politely, as though he had a rule to keep diplomacy before he hunted you down.

“Suppose I don’t get a name?” you smirked, trying to keep your nerves in line.

“Only if I get yours first.”

That was smart. The hunter knew that there was a power in knowing your name. Demons were creatures of subservience. They were ruled by sin, by corruption. But as such, they had to be kept in check somehow. And when you knew a demon’s domain, you could practically rule them. If you were strong enough.

You stuck out your hand to him, smiling before uttering your name. “At your service.”

The hunter raised his brown eyes, you saw the confusion in them. Your brazenness was not something out of the ordinary for demons who were in the human world like you, but the nerve to give out your name like that did its work to shake him. But he took your hand, all the same, slightly parting his mouth. “Yoon Jeonghan.”

Both of you stilled, your hand instinctively tightening around his as a foreign, but also so familiar feeling crept inside you, gripping you wholly. You sucked in a breath, your eyes glazing over. Oh, no, your mind echoed. Is this…

A bond. And not just any bond.

Yoon Jeonghan frowned, his mouth agape, his eyes teary as he shared that feeling with you. And you waited to see if he knew the reason behind the preternatural sensation coiling around his heart. But he remained motionless, did not even protest when you slipped your hand out of his grip. The turbulent fire inside him calmed down when his dark eyes met yours.

The hunter cleared his throat, blinking dumbly as he jumped down the stool, exiting the place without saying a word.

And that is how you meet Yoon Jeonghan. Your soulmate.

A year went by like water slipping through your fingers. Seasons changed and you welcomed each one of them like any regular human would, except that instead of wearing a costume on Halloween like everyone else, you would just display your horns on your head. Instead of celebrating Christmas, you would go out on a hunt for sins, which oddly enough was a day with many to choose from.

But one thing that was a constant in your life for the whole year round, was the push and pull with Yoon Jeonghan.

Many nights had passed since your last encounter with him, the night you confessed to having been starving yourself of human sins in the fruitless attempt to become human yourself. Nights had turned into weeks, then months, three to be exact. Now you were running from him, only stopping to feed from him.

You were out one night, enjoying the buzzing from the streets of the city. The excitement you felt around you from human souls was nearly making your mouth water. That was until you felt someone tracking you, a distant shadow that kept you out of your line of sight.

He had been lurking for too long, following you from town to town, through the shadows that the tall buildings of the city cast. Following you like a monster on a leash.

You smirked secretly, looking over your shoulder to see his silhouette wrapped in shadows. Jeonghan had found you again, just like he always would. As long as you and him lived, you would always cross each other’s paths.

It had become a game for you. And now it was time to run.

Being a demon was freeing in so many ways. Now that you were at your full strength, you were also freed from all kinds of inhibitions. You did not need a house or shelter, you did not possess belongings or extra clothes.

So you just sprung into a run, quickly devising a plan to escape from this city, and hit the next town until Jeonghan found you again. The city passed you in a blur, and soon your surroundings turned into walls made of thick trees.

You were not sure if Jeonghan knew you were playing a game. At this point, he was just as enslaved to it as you were, running away, only to be found by him. An endless push and pull.

But this felt different to all the times he loomed on your back. No, this was a first. Jeonghan kept himself far away from you out of shame, yes. However, this time it was not a shame for liking you, nor not being able to resist you.

Jeonghan was sorry.

And he would watch you tear through a different town until he mustered all the strength he needed to come to you, announcing himself between the shadows, tail between his legs. You were completely familiar with that. But now you just decided to make him suffer a little.

Other times, you did not resist him; you would take him wherever you could, an empty alleyway. The last time you did this, you took him in the backseat of his car, fucking him until he was a complete mess. You would wait until he fell asleep to exit his car quietly and leave him to wake up completely alone.

Yoon Jeonghan was no fool. He knew you were playing hard to get. He knew that what you were doing was payback for all the times he tried to resist you. All the times he tried to pretend that what he felt for you was some sort of divine retribution.

But in truth, he could not keep allowing himself to be with you. You showed up in his life like a comet falling out of the sky, crashing and burning everything around him, leaving him blind to all reason, too stupid to do anything. So stupid that he lost whatever made sense in his life, and he lost you as well.

Even if he did not actually have you.

Jeonghan sat alone in a booth pushed up to the corner of the diner, where he was slowly chewing the last bits of his breakfast, looking out the window pensively.

The pull he had towards you grew stronger, sometimes thinner, but it was always there. Now that he knew that what he felt was a result of something bigger than him, and than you, he had resorted to analyzing it.

After finishing up his plate, he raised his hand to flag the waitress down, asking for another cup of coffee.

You slid to the seat in front of him with a short sigh, fixing your hair with your hands as if you had just finished jogging, which, Jeonghan thought, could have been the case.

The waitress refilled the cup of coffee, and Jeonghan kindly thanked the lady, pushing the cup to you to then hand you the sugar.

“Did you know I was close?” you asked, bewildered at noticing how quickly Jeonghan had learned to discern your proximity by using the bond.

Jeonghan was tempted to say that he also knew how you liked your coffee. Two sugars, no milk. But that had nothing to do with the bond. So, he just nodded with his head.

“Well, that’s no fun,” you muttered, pouring the sugar on the teaspoon, one, two and sending him a look, you poured a little more sugar.

Jeonghan smiled quietly, it was not a happy smile. “I supposed you would grow bored if I stopped following you across the country. I was right.”

You rolled your eyes. “No. I’m here because I’m hungry,” you said flatly, raising your hand to flag the waitress down.

He also knew that. And not only that, but he also knew that you did not need waffles and bacon, your favorite. You needed something that would never be found on a diner’s menu. Or any restaurant’s menu for that matter.

“Can I have waffles with syrup, please?” you asked with a sweet tone, beaming at the lady. “Oh, and can I have bacon with that?”

Jeonghan looked at the way you smiled at the waitress, his stomach tightening a little in both nervousness and something more, it was a foreign feeling.

He noticed how the woman tensed up at your presence. Humans had a natural fight-or-flight response to demons, but with you, they just assumed it was because of your natural beauty. Or your assertiveness.

“And you suppose I can help ease your hunger?” Jeonghan asked, keeping an eye on the surroundings for any signs of danger, in case you and him needed to run.

“Yeah,” you responded in an obvious tone, taking a small sip from your cup of coffee.

Jeonghan noticed the way you carefully pressed your lips on the rim, as though you could burn yourself.

“I mean, how else am I going to pay for this?” you smirked, placing your chin on your hands, expecting him to laugh, or to say something quippy at you.

“Fine,” Jeonghan said, releasing a puffy sigh in annoyance.

He wondered if this would lead to a serious conversation about what happened the last time you talked. But chances were, you were just having more fun torturing him.

He deserved it.

Something deep inside him pulsated, kicking the air out of his lungs. The feeling rippled, it went on as he blinked and found you, looking equally astounded. But you recuperated faster than him, you usually did.

“How did you know?” Jeonghan heard himself blurt, his tone rough as though he had been screaming for hours. “About the bond?”

You cleared your throat, composing yourself on the seat by resuming to stir your coffee. “I’ve lived in the underworld, Jeonghan, I know how a bond behaves and feels like,” you said, eyeing the woman closing up to leave your breakfast on the table. “Thank you, ma’am,” you smiled politely.

“I thought bonds were only made after making a deal with a demon,” Jeonghan mumbled, keeping his tone in a volume only you would be able to hear. “You and I have never struck a deal.”

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Einstein,” you quipped, taking a generous piece of waffles bathed in syrup to your mouth. You moaned blissfully, the sound was not sexual, but it had several eyes drawn to you.

Jeonghan knew why, your voice was sweet, appealing to the human senses. It also had an effect on him, but that was because of an entirely different reason. He cleared his throat too.

“Bonds made with deals or promises are quite common. No, this is different,” you said after gulping down the waffles with coffee. “You and I were made with this bond. It’s always existed for us.”

He looked at you confusedly as you tore through your breakfast. “What do you mean we were made with the bond?”

You dragged the last bit of waffles through the pool of syrup on your plate. “We were born with it.”

“You were born…” he trailed off.

“I was made, Jeonghan,” you pointed your fork at him, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I knew that,” he said, blinking slowly. “But following your logic, you had to be born at the same time as me.”

“Time is different in the underworld,” you reminded him, chewing slowly to enjoy the last bit off your plate. “I’m actually a little bit older than you.”

Jeonghan had assumed that as well. Though he knew you were a fairly younger demon from the ones he has faced, you had to be older than him, guessing by your physical strength alone. “So you’ve known all this time.”

You nodded, pushing your empty plate aside. “Ever since we spoke to each other,” you crossed your arms on the table, directing a serious look at him. “I’ve always known, Jeonghan.”

“You could’ve told me just to toss it at my face,” he pointed, there was no venom in his words, he was as confused as he was the night you left him. “All this time, I thought that this was some sort of retribution, a divine cause and effect I had to endure for wanting to be around you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

At that, you lowered your eyes in guilt. “I never thought it would make a difference. I never thought you would believe me, so I never said anything.”

Jeonghan felt a kind of pain he had never felt before he met you. It coiled around his heart, it was remorse because he knew what you did not want to say, what he could not bring himself to do.

Because even after you told him, he did nothing. It did not make a difference. He still refused you, he refused to give in.

“Can I help you with something else?” the waitress approached, addressing him intently.

You kept your head down, so Jeonghan never saw the glimmer in your eyes from the tears that were beginning to form.

“The bill, please,” he said, but he was quickly distracted.

You were sliding on the seat, walking away from the table, and then pushing the door open, exiting the diner.

“Shit,” Jeonghan muttered under his breath, reaching for his wallet, and pulling out a bill, quickly leaving the place to follow you, knowing that by the time he reached outside, you would be gone.

You were nowhere to be seen, Jeonghan scouted with his gaze his surroundings, were you mocking him again?

When he turned around, he let out a short breath in relief. You were sitting on the passenger seat of his car, aloofly checking the roots of your hair, pretending to ignore him while hiding a smile.

Jeonghan sent his gaze skyward, trying to find some patience in the grim-looking sky. It would rain soon, and you did not have somewhere to crash now that you were effectively on the run and alone.

He decided to go along with whatever crazed plan you were crafting, he felt he was in no position to do otherwise, but to follow. Even if you were just toying with him in revenge.

You followed him with your eyes as he went around the car, yanking the door open and sliding to the seat silently. “Where are we heading to?” you asked, primly tucking your hands between your thighs.

“We’re skipping town,” he said, turning the key on the engine.

“Already?” you turned slightly to get your seatbelt on. “I thought you would like this town.”

“Why is that?” he kept his town flat, trying to keep the discontent at bay.

“It’s lonely,” you said sweetly. “For lonely people such as you.”

“We need the opposite of lonely right now,” he replied, trying to ignore to the best of his ability to omit the fact that the last town he lived in was solely because he could keep an eye on you that way.

“Mn,” you hummed pensively. “You’re no fun when you’re angry and quiet,” you pointed with a knowing tone, turning to look out the window.

Jeonghan arched an eyebrow, trying to appear as nonchalant as ever, he leaned his head to his hand, an elbow propped on the windowsill.

You read his silence, your lip curling a little in a smile. “You know that I can also read you, right?”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he muttered tiredly, avoiding to look your way.

You clicked your tongue but decided to keep quiet. Jeonghan was frustrated, that much you knew, telling from the rigidness of his movements, the way his hand tightened around the steering wheel. Two fingers rubbed his bottom lip harshly, he kept that motion for so long that you thought that it had to burn him at some point.

But aside from that, you could see the enraged flame inside him, dancing erratically from the moment you showed up at the diner. You knew that your tantrum had run its course, and he was now trying not to tell you how miserable you had made him these past few weeks.

And he knew that you were only turning to him so you could feed. That had been obvious from the moment he saw you. Your skin was colorless and dry, the bags under your eyes were prominent, and not only that, Jeonghan probably assumed that you no longer wanted to consume human souls, only his sins.

Soon, you entered a new city that welcomed you with a big sign, Welcome to Veridian Bay! leading to a bridge crossing over the waterfront and into the big city with big, tall buildings.

You leaned to the window to take a look at how tall the buildings stood, the streets were busy with people, and everything was alive with buzzing sounds. Jeonghan kept driving deep into the city, until you reached a quieter part, away from the tall buildings, the shiny stores and flashy signs.

“What are we doing here?” you asked, looking curiously at the big shopping mall he just parked his car in front of.

“We need to buy clothes,” he directed a judging look at you.

“What’s wrong with mine?” you asked to no end. Your clothes were torn and filthy, another reason why people threw you second looks at every place you walked into, demon allure or not.

Jeonghan exited the car, and you followed him closely, as though you were trying not to lose him in between the people.

“I have a question,” you said, sticking to his side to shield yourself from the weird looks you were receiving. You did not care about it, but you wanted to keep a low profile as much as you could. “What happened to the two hunters?”

“They stopped chasing you,” he replied in a quiet tone, leading you to a department store.

Everything was bright with colors, and shiny lights hanging from the ceiling. Rows of clothing racks are laid in front of you in an elaborate maze. You had been to malls before, but never to one as big as this. And definitely never with Jeonghan.

“Do you think I’m free from them, then?” you yanked your gaze from a row of pretty blouses, your fingers itching to touch the fabric.

“Not by a long shot, no,” he answered, tensing beside you when your arm brushed his. “Choose something quickly, the shorter we stay here, the better.”

You grabbed a plain white t-shirt, measuring it over your torso and facing the mirror where Jeonghan stood, watching you intently. “Do you think this one goes with my body type?” you asked fruitlessly.

He just huffed, rolling his eyes swiftly. “Stop playing,” he said, looking around precatively. “We need to find somewhere safe to stay, and you need to feed soon.”

The way he gritted out the words allowed for the quiet rage simmering inside him slip through. A light shock appeared on his face, much as if he heard his own words and quickly forced himself to composure.

Jeonghan was mad, and you were the reason why the flame inside him was growing into a merciless fire burning inside him.

“Alright,” you hummed, picking a pair of jeans, a long t-shirt and undergarments.

Jeonghan followed you as you made your way to the queue line to pay. His mind was once again buzzing with questions, if anything, the conversation back in the diner left him even more confused.

He had thought all this time that what he felt for you was some kind of joke. The insane lust, the deep craving, the endless nights he spent thinking about you, dreaming about you… all because of a supernatural bond he never had control of.

You made a tiny cooing sound, making him snap his gaze to where you stood in line. You were lifting a finger to match with a baby’s pointer finger. The baby girl was looking over the shoulder of her mother who queued up in front of you. Somehow, you had attracted the focus of the baby, and you were now caught up in her big eyes, in her dimpled hands.

Jeonghan’s stomach twisted violently. You smiled at the baby as she wrapped her tiny hand around your finger, laughing with you. The feeling tightening inside him was completely alien to him, he wanted to get rid of it as you would an illness.

He never understood why it was impossible for him to fight against you. He used to think that your innate allure created that attraction he felt for you, he used to think that you were playing games on him.

But that did not explain one thing. As he watched your joyous smile, he realized that what he felt was not entirely carnal. He recalled what he felt that night he knew you were slipping away, the fear of losing you.

The tight feeling coiled inside his chest when you lifted your eyes at him, keeping that joy with you from being paid attention to by an innocent baby. The interaction had been so pure and out of the ordinary for you that it brought a spark to your dark eyes.

The knot inside him broke free, blooming inside him freely, filling his chest with a warmth that was nearly intoxicating.

“Are you okay, hunter?” you asked quietly, noticing the change in his eyes, the quiet rage dying down at the same time the look of bewilderment on his face set in.

“Yeah,” he forced out, pulling out his wallet from the pocket of his jacket and handing it to you.

“Thank you,” you whispered awkwardly, still shocked at how suddenly his erratic mood disappeared. What added to the shock was that Jeonghan did not lie to you, he was indeed fine, however, the shock on his face was confusing to you. 

“One bed, again?” you deadpanned.

Jeonghan closed the door to the small motel room. This one had a leather couch that looked decent compared to the thin white curtains that allowed for the light coming from the street outside to seep through.

“What’s the point in asking for two beds?” Jeonghan shrugged, taking off his black leather jacket as he let out a cough.

“I’d appreciate it if you actually made some effort in swaying me,” you mentioned off-handedly as you started zipping down your hoodie. “I’m still a lady, you know?”

At that, Jeonghan chuckled. “You are as much as a lady as I am a gentleman, so,” he shrugged. “There’s the couch, if you care that much.”

“You’re right,” you snapped your fingers at him. “You can sleep on the couch, I’ll sleep on the bed!”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said, raising his arms to grab his tight black shirt and pull it over his head.

You stopped, dead in your tracks. Jeonghan had a very deceiving build, most would think he was lean and due to his affection for dark clothes, he masked himself well to curious eyes. But in fact, Jeonghan had a toned body, a low bulk that had been built up due to the nature of his work.

His milky white skin was adorned with scars, bruises and bitemarks from creatures he hunted down. As he removed the sleeves from his arms, he sent you a look. “What?” he blurted.

You were too caught up to come up with a lie, but something deep inside you recoiled in nervousness. “I was just looking at you,” you mumbled meekly, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “You’re gawking.”

You shrugged. “Can’t blame me. You’d be gawking too if I suddenly decided to strip naked.”

“Tsk,” he smiled playfully, throwing the t-shirt on the couch. “It would be fair game, at least.”

“Shut up,” you sighed, rolling your eyes at him. But still, you stared at his fingers undoing the belt of his black denim jeans, pulling it from the hoops.

“Alright, then,” he said, giving his belt the same treatment, discarding it on the couch. He placed his hands on his hips, his torso forming a perfect inverted triangle. “Are you going to keep playing dumb with me?”

You arched one eyebrow at him, too surprised at his bluntness to even speak. Gaping, you stood there for a second, trying to decide on deflection or acceptance.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you turned your back on him, mustering all the will in you to not glance his way. You started rummaging in the bag of clothes, pulling out an I love kitties shirt that you got as a nightgown. It had a doodle of an orange cat on it.

“Please,” he huffed, and you bit your bottom lip. “You can’t lie to me so don’t try to treat me like I’m stupid.”

“Take a hint, hunter. I don’t want to talk about this,” you said but failed to coat your words with enough venom.

A hand circled around your wrist, pulling you to his body, commanding you to face him. With a gasp, you yanked back, looking at him furiously. But his gaze smothered that fire inside you at once. “You left,” he said, the trouble in his mind mirrored in his dark gaze. “You left me.”

“Yeah, I left because you could not even talk to me, Jeonghan,” you replied, trying to step back from him, the back of your knees finding the bed.

He gave you an incredulous look. “I’ve spent three months chasing you across the fucking country,” he said. “You only stop running when you need to feed from me. I’ve paid enough, don’t you think?”

“I’ll be the one to decide that,” you gritted, betraying yourself. Your eyes started brimming with tears, angry tears, sorrowful tears. They carried all the misery that you had lived as his soulmate.

“What do you want from me?” he demanded, his tone rising in exasperation.

“Nothing,” you muttered, shying away. You lowered your face, bringing a hand to wipe the wetness on your cheeks.

“That’s not true.”

As you raised your head, you involuntarily sniffled. “Well, you know what I want, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan gaped at you for a moment, choking on his argument. He knew then that nothing would give peace to this fight because there was no solution to this.

You wanted to become human. In your mind, it was the only way you could stop feeding from his lust, his greed. It was the only way to make you stop feeding from human souls. And by that, you would not be hunted down for being a demon. Jeonghan would not have to feel remorseful every time he looked at you.

But it was something uncertain. You did not know whether the path to becoming human would even work, or if you would survive it.

“Is there a way to end this?” Jeonghan asked, his heart stammering painfully in his chest.

“End what?” you asked slowly.

He blinked for a long second, gathering his strength. “Is there a way to break the bond?”

The question robbed you of air, and Jeonghan could see it in your gentle exhale. Your eyes glinting with sorrow, wide and looking at his face as though you had trouble assimilating his words.

“You-you want to break the bond?” you asked, stuttering under an overwhelming pain.

“Is it possible?” he pressed, breathing hard, trying to shake off the numbing pain in his heart.

“N-no, I don’t know,” you sucked in a breath, which he understood to be a sob. “D-do you want to break it, Jeonghan?”

“If it means we’re free from each other then yes,” he whispered, hating the look in your eyes with a passion that he could not stand. He was causing that pain and in turn, he felt it too.

But maybe what you felt for each other was not real. Maybe once the bond is broken, you would realize that what you felt for him was all a farce, he thought.

You rubbed the pads of your fingers against the corner of your eye. “M-maybe,” you mumbled. “But I don’t think so. One of us would have to die, I think,” you spoke with uncertainty because you were sure that the bond would not be broken, not even then.

“You don’t know if your way of becoming human will work,” he mumbled, trying to reason with you. But the truth was, he felt guilty for making you cry.

And you could feel the guilt, it swarmed around him like an angry cloud.

“I know one thing,” you raised your eyes, heedlessly showing him how affected you were by this. “I wouldn’t have to feel how fucking miserable you are when you’re with me,” you spat.

Jeonghan went still, as though petrified. The only thing that moved in him was his gaze, heavy with a dangerous darkness, it coasted over the features of your face. “Is that what you think I am? Miserable?”

“No, Jeonghan, I know it,” you replied with a shaky tone. “I can feel it in you. When you look at me when you touch me.”

He yanked his gaze from you, running a hand on his face while blinking his anger away rapidly. “You don’t know shit,” he hissed at you, motioning to turn his back on you but quickly decided against it.

“Oh, yeah?” you taunted.

“Yeah, you don’t know shit,” he doubled down, his voice raw. “You think that because you can sense what I feel it means that it’s all because of you,” he spat, taking a step closer to you but you raised a hand, trying to stop him, but he insisted, grabbing your hands to stop you instead.

“Then what is it?” you pressed.

“Ever since I met you nothing has made sense in my life,” he hissed, leaning over you. “I hate myself,” he shuddered, swallowing hard. “I hate myself because even if you were human, I wouldn’t have anything to offer you. I can’t even say that I’m sorry because it’s the truth. I can’t give you what you want.”

You looked at him in plain shock. It was such a shame that the only person in the world who saw you for who you were still rejected you. The pain from that realization shook you hard, so hard in fact that you physically recoiled from him, closing your eyes to let your tears go.

Jeonghan watched your tears roll down your cheeks, the silence in the room broken by the occasional intake of breath coming from you. But he stood there, silently cursing life and its way of making fun of him. He was raised to not want anything in life. Not shelter, nor warmth. His sad world, cold as ice and hard as stone. He would have followed this path blindly until the day of his untimely death.

But the truth was, he did want one thing in life. He wanted you. And it was killing him not to admit that.

“I…” you croaked, opening your eyes after a long second. A gaping hole in your heart tried to suck you in. “I thank you for the clothes, Jeonghan,” you said dejectedly, turning away from him and walking towards the door.

Jeonghan stared at the wall in front of him, your arm brushing his as you passed him by. His mind reeled wildly, considering what he went through the last time you walked away from him. “Where do you think you’re going?” he blurted.

“That is none of your concern.”

“Like hell it is,” he said, grabbing your arm before you could reach for the doorknob. You sent him another one of those looks, a dangerous animal realizing it had been caught. “You’re not safe out there.”

“Like you give a shit,” you said, pushing him away with one hand on his chest.

But he grabbed that hand, pulling you to his frame with a sharp tug. “Yeah, what do you even know about me?” he challenged, his words cold. “I wouldn’t be protecting you, chasing you if I didn’t give a shit about you.”

“I would prefer that you didn’t,” you bit back.

“That’s not true,” he said, but his tone rose in desperation. He released your arm, fear crossing his features when he realized that if you walked, he would have to let you go.

“You have a very weird way to show that you care, Jeonghan,” you mumbled, understanding where that fear came from. Because all this time, you accepted the turbulence in his thoughts, in his soul. If you decided to go, he would let you.

The heavy darkness in his gaze dissolved as the features of his face relaxed. The gentle resignation swept over him, reminding you how hard it was for him to even comprehend what the bond was.

Jeonghan had two ways to show his emotions, either through carnal desire or brute force. One of them was the one that was unleashed in the vicious cycle he had with you.

But you welcomed it all the same. He took one step towards you, reaching for you as though fearful you might step away. His hand found the side of your head, the other sliding on your waist, gripping you gently before his lips met yours.

The kiss was slow, tentative at first, showing you an apologetic need to you. But you were still to fueled up from the argument, finding his bare chest with your hands to push him off you.

Jeonghan looked sad for a second, but he quickly understood that you were angry, and looking to make him pay. You pushed him again, more forcefully, but he was stronger than you, stepping towards you like a magnet that refused to keep away from you.

His hands returned to their previous positions, as you found his shoulder with one hand, his nape with the other, welcoming him with a vehement kiss. He groaned under your touch, revelling at the fact that you were kissing him even though you were being harsh with it.

Jeonghan broke the kiss abruptly. “I’m sorry,” he gasped, the turbulence inside him dying down, like smothering a fire.

“You should be sorry,” you mumbled on his lips, diving for another hungry kiss before pushing him by the shoulders, and shoving him onto the couch behind him. He sat down, gasping in surprise at the brute force you used on him. A wolfish grin appeared on his lips when you walked over to him, sitting down on his lap, straddling him.

His hands welcomed you, grabbing you by the waist to give you a squeeze. He thought of all the nights he has had the opportunity to be like this with you, and the nights he wished he had never let you go. “I don’t want to break it,” he confessed, tilting his head back to meet your eyes. “The bond. I don’t want to break it,” he repeated.

“Then why did you say…?”

“What if what we feel for each other isn’t real?” he blurted the tight feeling inside him protesting in pain when he spoke those words.

You smiled at him sweetly, making him feel worse. “What do you feel for me, Jeonghan?” you baited.

He swallowed hard, instead of communicating with words, he carefully brought a hand to cup your cheek, his fingers caressing your skin in the process. He pulled your face closer to his, eyeing your lips and then your eyes before giving you a sweet kiss. You reciprocated the kiss, outlining his bottom lip with the tip of your tongue, slowly meeting his.

“Do you think all people with bonds feel this for each other, Jeonghan?” you mused. When he was unable to speak out an answer, you continued. “I think the bond only helped us find each other. The rest just happened on its own.”

Jeonghan listened to your words intently, his gaze coasting the features of your face. You’re your eyes, to your mouth and back again. His fingers grabbed the hem of your t-shirt, tugging it up your torso.

You raised your hands, helping him take your t-shirt off. He sighed, his hands returning to hold you, caressing your naked back freely, his breath fanning on the plain of your breasts when he leaned over to plant a kiss on your skin.

You raked his hair with your fingers, getting rid of the hair tie holding his ponytail, making him groan as your fingernails caressed his scalp. His lips reached the swell of one of your breasts, planting wet kisses, enjoying the way you always responded to his touch; your skin prickling in the wake of his lips.

He encircled his arms around your waist, using his strength to trade the positions of your body, placing your body on the sofa, him crawling on top of you. Then he kissed you, he kissed you with such force that you thought you might break. It was electrifying to have his lips on yours, him moaning your name in between kisses.

Your hands explored his chest, fingertips lingering on his scars, his nipples, his bellybutton. You undid the button of his jeans, tucking your hands between his underwear and his ass, feeling his skin freely as you pushed his jeans and boxers down.

Once he was completely bare, and on top of you, he took his turn taking your shorts and underwear off. He did so without wasting time, effectively leaving you bare on the couch, and under his body.

He leaned over you, placing a hand beside your shoulder to prop his weight on it, lowering the lower half of his body on you. His skin was warm, you could feel everything, the beating of his heart, the soft pubic hairs brushing your skin. He was hard already, his cock pressing on your lower tummy.

There was a pause, as soon as your naked bodies came into contact with each other, something came alight inside you. You knew Jeonghan felt it too, because his reaction was the same as yours. Like sparks firing wildly inside your chest, lingering on your skin, robbing you of air.

“Jeonghan,” you whispered shakily, trying to hold onto the feeling fluttering in your chest.

“I know,” he breathed, leaning so he could give soft pecks to your lips. “I know, baby.”

You sighed a moan, it sounding pathetic as you let him adore your skin. He continued kissing you, your lips, your earlobe, your throat. He hummed softly when he breathed in the scent of your skin when he tasted you on his tongue as he licked your breasts.

You sucked in a breath, caressing his hair as he took one of your nipples in his mouth. “Fuck,” you whispered.  

But he was in a hurry, trailing down your torso with soft, open-mouthed kisses. You moaned, trembling under him as he inched closer and closer to where you needed him the most. Jeonghan knew you better than anyone else on earth, sometimes, you thought he knew your body better than yourself.

“Shit,” you hissed, clenching your jaw as he kissed your mound, pressing his tongue on you’re your skin with a raspy moan on his part. You parted your legs for him, allowing him to lick a broad stripe between your pussy lips, blissfully drinking you in.

The room was flooded with a series of sweet, airy moans from your part. You called out his name multiple times as he ate you out, licking your pussy with soft smacking sounds and low hums. All you could focus on was his tongue on you, gliding on your folds, teasing your clit with flitting motions.

His hands cupped your breasts, the pads of his thumbs swirling around your nipples, pinching softly to bring out more sweet noises from your mouth. You writhed uncontrollably on the sofa, keeping your hands on the back of his head to try and anchor yourself to enjoy his mouth pleasuring your pussy.

But as you drew nearer to your release, you could not just hold out any longer, pressing your hands on the back of his head and pushing your hips to grind your pussy on his tongue. Your mouth parted. “Jeonghan,” you whined, feeling his mouth relax, letting you ride him.

Moving your hips faster on his mouth, you felt his hands squeezing your tits gently, his thumbs teasing your nipples, pushing you to the edge. You closed your eyes as your sweet, sweet release washed over you, sizzling beneath your skin.

Your muscles went lax on the sofa, moaning out his name repeatedly as you felt like dissolving in the aftershocks of your orgasm. But you decided against it in a second, grabbing Jeonghan by the shoulders and urging him to sit back on the sofa.

“What–,”

“Let me ride you,” you mumbled, cutting in before he could protest.

Jeonghan nodded obediently, and you took one whole second to comprehend that he was just letting you do whatever you wanted to him. No complaints, no snarky comments.  

You straddled him, grabbing his cock with one hand and jerking him off a few times just to see the muscles of his face go soft. You smiled, shifting on top of him so you could guide the tip of his cock to your pussy, sinking in him slowly. “Gods,” he breathed, closing his eyes.

“Keep your eyes on me,” you said softly, holding his chin with one hand. You lifted your hips slightly, letting them roll on him as you sat back down, eliciting a short groan from him. “That’s it, baby. Feel me. Do you like that?”

Jeonghan blinked slowly, pushing his tongue on his bottom lip before nodding.

“Words, Jeonghan, use them.”

He obediently kept his gaze on you, like you were the moon, and he was looking at you for the first time in ages. “I love it,” he replied with a strangled tone. “I love your pussy. I love how it feels around me.”

Jeonghan dropped his head back on the headrest of the couch, swallowing his moans, his fingers clenching around your hips. “I love your taste too,” he choked out, much as if he needed to say it but barely found the strength to do so, enraptured by pleasure.

One of the corners of your lips curled slowly as you rolled your hips on him, inch by inch, tortuously slow. “Oh, yeah?” you breathed, closing your eyes briefly to savour the feeling of his worshipping washing over you, making your blood dance under your skin.

“Yes,” he hissed out the word and now you knew he was trying to resist himself. “I miss your smell when you’re not near me. Drives me crazy.”

You giggled quietly, knowing that he was letting go of his deepest thoughts.

His fingers dug into your skin hard enough to leave marks. You opened your eyes, seeing the strain in his voice reflecting on his face, his teary eyes coasting all over your body. “Le-let me come, please. I needed you so much, baby. I don’t think I’ll last any longer.”

You held onto his lean shoulders to lift your hips off him, his wet cock slipping out of your walls and leaning to one side on his lower abdomen, the tip was reddened, a vein tracing on his wet shaft.

Jeonghan groaned, closing his eyes tightly to let out a shaky sigh. “Please,” he sighed. “I want to come inside you,” he said but did not make a move to slip his cock back into your cunt.

“Say you’re sorry,” you murmured.

And there it was, the hole in your chest opening once again, sucking you back in.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, not wasting a second, he said again, “I’m sorry, I let you go.”

You showed him an empty smile, which you pressed onto his lips, grabbing his chin again. “Don’t let me go again,” you pleaded but masked your words to sound sweet, not letting it show that his apology, though forced out of the need for release, was making you feel pain.

Jeonghan returned the light smile, though he was genuine with it. “Never,” he whispered, wrapping an arm on your lower back to keep you in balance as you sank down on his cock again, making him shudder in pleasure. “I promise.”

“Jeonghan–,” you gasped, pausing the sway of your hips on him to look at him perplexedly. “Don’t make promises, you’ll–,”

“I promise I won’t walk away from you,” he said, his dark eyes coasting all over the features of your face.

You closed your eyes, shuddering hard at the tingling rush of blood swimming in your veins; the bond tightening due to the force of the promise setting. “Jeonghan, don’t,” you whispered in plea.

Stopping the movement of your hips completely, you hugged his shoulders, trailing the hair of his nape with your fingers. You breathed raggedly, just as he was by the weight of a new promise binding you both.

“I want this,” he whispered shakily. “Let me.”

“You don’t know what this means for you,” you warned, a violent shudder shaking your body on top of him.

He hugged you tightly to his body as if shielding you from the world. “I do, and I want it,” he reassured.

“Jeonghan…”

But he just went on, “Like you said, we’re meant to be, we’ve always have been,” he said with a low raspy tone, blinking in an enamoured way at you. “And I am sorry it took me so long to accept it. I’m sorry.”

A sob coiled in your throat, fingers curling around the long strands of his dark hair. “I forgive you,” you whispered, daring to give him a shy kiss.

Jeonghan trembled underneath you, reciprocating your kiss with so much delicacy that it could break your heart. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

You stilled completely, your breath coiling in your throat. “Me too,” you finally confessed.

“It’s okay, baby,” he breathed, moving his arms so he no longer wrapped your body in them, but his hands gripped your hips, urging you to retake the motion that he so desperately needed.

So you did, swaying your hips on top of him, moaning sweetly when his hands roved all over your back, caressing your skin, his fingers trailing on the spot he knew your wings grew. You shuddered hard, sinking on his length with more urgency. “Jeonghan,” you moaned, crushing your mouth on him.

Jeonghan hummed in response, smiling at you when you broke the kiss off to see his face. The smile was of genuine bliss, mixed with the pleasure of being so utterly yours, forever. It was something similar to insanity what he felt, but he was aware of it, giving himself into it. “I love you,” he drawled lazily, his eyes glazing over the image of you on top of him.

“J-jeonghan,” you forced out, a euphoric wave swarming inside you, better than anything you had ever felt in your life.

And he felt it too, consuming him in fiery waves. “I love you,” he repeated, enjoying the feeling sizzling beneath his skin, lingering on the muscles of his face.

“F-fuck,” you grabbed onto the headrest of the couch, your fingers ripping into the fabric. “Please–,” you choked out, slamming your hips down on him, moaning out loudly as another orgasm hit you hard.

Jeonghan did not love you. Not like in fairy tales, or romance movies. But he was not lying either, you could feel the genuine calm of his realization as he drawled the words out. He could no longer resist it, nor keep the feeling to himself any further. Jeonghan did not love you, he was worshipping you wholly.

It was rapturing, if it was not before. You came on top of him, loudly, walls clamping around him, making him moan with you. His hands held your hips, urging him to keep moving them so he could also reach his high with you.

But the only thing he needed was to sneak a glance up your face, tears of pleasure brimming in your eyes as your orgasm shook hard inside you. That tipped him over the edge, pushing his hips up so he could spill himself deep inside your walls with a loud, raspy groan that resounded across the room.

“Jeonghan,” you kept moaning his name, hiding your face on the curve of his neck. Your breath fanning on his skin forced out a shudder that made you smile.

He responded with a smile of his own, but his was lazy, drunk over the euphoria coursing through you, the same that coursed through his. “I love you,” he whispered again, clutching your hips gently, moving his hands to your thighs.

Ever since you met him, his lust and need for you have been making you stronger. But now, the near maddening love that brimmed for you drove you to feel so full that you seemed to glow. You stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, breathing hard. He was still inside your body, relishing in the warmth, the wetness, the blissful look in your eyes.

Your hand slid beneath his chin, leaning towards him to prop a featherlight on his lips. “I love you too,” you breathed, feeling like a child who felt pure joy for the first time.

He cursed under his breath, his hands roaming all over your skin as you littered his face with kisses, trailing down to his neck where you sucked his skin into your mouth, marking red spots all over him. He chuckled lazily. “Ready for round three?”

“Mmn, I think I’ll pass out,” you said, giggling at yourself.

“Tired already?” he asked, searching your face with his gaze.

“It’s just…” you sighed, catching your breath but your heart stammered in your chest. “I didn’t expect this.”

“Didn’t you, really? Was it too much?” he hummed bringing his hands to cup your cheeks.

You shook your head slightly, pressing a palm to the back of his hand. “So is this your way to tell me you want this?” you asked.

Jeonghan went still for a second, his gaze lingering on the features of your face illuminated only by the warm light of the lamp. “The odds will be against us,” he said.

“Well I’m willing to bet on us,” you said with a light smirk. “Are you?”

Jeonghan nodded, the avid look in his eyes not quite brushing off. “I’m tired of running from this,” he slipped a hand on your nape, pulling you to a quick kiss. “I want you. I want it to be you and me, as we’re destined to be.”

You drew in a shaky breath, reciprocating the featherlight kiss. “Okay,” you whispered. “Then it’s us.”

“I want nothing more, baby,” Jeonghan said.

 You bumped the tip of your nose with his gently, eyeing him. “What about what you said? About not being able to be with me?”

“I don’t care. I’ll quit that life. I’ll stop hunting,” he muttered.

“And then what?” you mused.

“I can adapt quickly,” he replied, and you chuckled. “I’ll take up a boring human job, we could find somewhere to live in a small town. You’re not the only one who can blend in the human world, you know?”

Okay, you breathed, the glint in your eye told him that you were happy. It was the first time he saw that in you, the first time he had been the cause of that glint.

So he kept going. “I can take you to dates, take you to those fairgrounds, do normal boring shit humans do,” he muttered faintly, closing his lips on yours.

“You would do that, Jeonghan?” you asked softly, pulling back to see his face. “I mean, you would quit everything?”

“To be with you, I would.”

You leaned your face forward again, pressing your forehead with his. “I love you,” you mumbled, brushing his lower lip with the pad of your thumb.

Jeonghan shuddered gently, but everything inside him came alight with the strength of a thousand suns. Now, if he knew whether a demon could be capable of loving or not was beyond his lucidity at the moment. You were only capable of feeling such things after you first attempted to become human. So the concept of love was as new to you as it was to him.

“I love you,” he whispered back.

“Can we go to bed?” you asked sheepishly, fighting off the urge to nestle in his warmth, to press your nose against the crook of his neck. “I’m ready to pass out.”

“Let’s go to bed,” he replied, noticing the languor in your eyes, blinking slowly.

That was the first time Jeonghan held you through the night without wondering what the morning would bring. For the first time in knowing you, he did not feel guilty for nestling in your warmth.

He stared at your face as you both shared the bed. You were lying on your tummy, one arm draped over him, your head lying on his chest, sleeping soundly in his arms. He languidly brought the pads of his fingers to draw circles on your shoulder, earning soft hums and sighs from you.

He had never felt this happy.

The following morning, you were skipping town again. Jeonghan had woken up with the idea of searching for a town to settle down for a while, and in the meantime, you and him would start planning.

You were returning to the bedroom, draped in a bath towel, your hair damp as you watched Jeonghan grabbing your clothes and his from the night before. He was dressed already, clad in black clothes: jeans, boots, a sleeveless tank top and a zipper hoodie.

Jeonghan approached you to drop a featherlight kiss on your lips. “I’ll go downstairs to return the key,” he informed you. “See you in the parking lot.”

“Yeah, okay,” you whispered, closing your eyes to enjoy the light kisses he left on your face before he stepped back.

“Don’t take too long,” he advised, reluctant to step away from you. So much so that he came back, taking two steps towards you just so he could kiss you quickly, eliciting a joyful laugh out of you.

“Okay, okay, I won’t,” you replied, watching him leave the room finally.

Jeonghan sucked in a breath, shuddering from the cold air receiving him as he went down the stairs. First, he crossed the parking lot in front of the motel, opening the door to his car to leave your bag on the passenger seat. Closing the door, he walked back to the front desk where he rang the buzzer, propping his elbows on the high top and waited.

He felt you before you could even make it to him, drawing a smile on his face when you hugged him from behind. “Go to the car, I’ll be there in a minute,” he mumbled, turning over his shoulder to see your face.

You showed him a playful smile, standing on your tiptoes to give him a kiss. “Don’t take too long,” you whispered, turning away to cross the parking lot to where his car was parked.

He rang the buzzer again, tapping his fingers impatiently. He looked around, but no one was to be seen or heard around the place. In fact, it was too quiet for a Friday night in a motel. Something’s not right, he thought, leaning over the desk, only to discover that there were no personal items, nothing to indicate that anyone was working in the place.

He focused his hearing, the noise coming from the ice machine making it harder to find another sign of life around him. But the fact was, there was no one else around. His heart sunk to his stomach.

“Jeonghan?” you called, worry echoing in your voice.

He turned around, facing the parking lot. It was too late. “Run!” Jeonghan bellowed from the opposite side, starting to run towards you as two hunters emerged from the thicket of trees, grabbing you. One of them seized you with his arms, while the other brought his fist to the center of your face, knocking you out on the spot.

He would have been able to reach you, but another hunter got to him first, knocking him to the hard ground, making it impossible for him to fight back, or to stop the hunter from getting his car keys out of his pocket.

So he watched as you were shoved into the trunk of his own car, and the two hunters who had grabbed him got into it and drove away, leaving him with another hunter to fight against. And you, being taken from him. 

› author's note: heyoooooo

this has been such a ride huh. i never expected my short drabble to turn into series but i guess i should've known better lol

stay tuned for more!

!! PART FOUR COMING SOON !!

toodles

support me on ko-fi?

© RIGHTS RESERVED TO HANNIEWEEN I DO NOT ALLOW TRANSLATIONS, CONTINUATIONS, REIMAGINATIONS OF MY WORKS OR THEIR REPOSTING ON OTHER WEBSITES.

[project-sekai-facts]

I'm just gonna leave this here because I feel like I should say something. Mizuki is trans, I still agree with the stuff I said a month ago. Did they say it in the story? No. Were they ever going to say it in the story? Well it seemed like I was but they just pulled the most insane 4 year queerbait.

Did people warn me? Yes, and I probably should've listened more, but from a writer's perspective what happened in Ena5 is very stupid so I had a little bit more hope for clpl. Confining any sort of actual coming out scene to a card story and fading to black over the actual reveal is honestly just cruel. Not to mention that Mizuki's bio is probably locked as "gender: ?".

Mizuki is still a trans character and trans representation, though the lack of actual confirmation really sours her story. Especially since the only indirect confirmation of her identity as a woman comes from student a talking to Ena about Mizuki (the whole Ena is a "normal girl" thing). Having Mizuki being robbed of her chance to come out by transphobes, and never resolving this so her bullies are left as the only credible source of her gender is atrocious. Mizuki being outed was a crucial plot point, to never resolve just leaves a bad taste.

It's still a glaring issue that clpl is trying to play both sides here. Which has always been an issue with things like white day and other marketing featuring Mizuki and the boys together. It's just gross that they're still trying to do it now, cutting off the actual reveal of Mizuki's secret and having the characters say "Mizuki is Mizuki", something that's often used by people who want to deny any trans reading, and a new area conversation about Mizuki's voice. Remember that old area convo about Mizuki having a lower voice. It gets referenced in a new one.

The reveal of the secret itself, transness aside, is comedically bad. Project SEKAI's writing isn't exactly amazing by any means, it's pretty basic in the grand scheme of writing, but this is worse than a lot of their other worst offenders. Building up to this big reveal of a secret that is incredibly important to one character's development, only for it not to actually be revealed, and probably never mentioned again, is ridiculous. It feels like a last minute change to ensure mass appeal but I don't know if it was. If it was, they still failed because some fans are dissatisfied that they never got told what it was, regardless of what they think it was.

And no, it's not corporate meddling. Probably. From colopale, maybe, from Sega, honestly probably not. Sega has other franchises and games with queer and specifically trans characters so it's not like Mizuki would be harmful to their brand image. If anyone interfered it was other staff at colopale.

Anyway, I'm not quitting the game and I'll still be running this blog for the time being. Not saying you have to continue playing and I totally understand people who are dropping the game over this. If anyone wants to add their thoughts to this post or send an ask freel free to.

[sunnysidesevenup]

SSR - Arlo Wake - Applepom

Vignette - Not Here For You Guys (Part 1)

read fic under the cut!

“So that’s two.” Epel says, looking between the odd collection of NRC students before him. He sighs, “Where are we going to get a third person, though?”

“I find it a bit odd that you haven’t asked your fellow Pomefiore dorm members. Vil and Rook, I understand, but…” Jade tilts his head to the side, indicating one of the tables near them. Epel’s eyes follow his direction, but the minute he spots the person being pointed out, he grimaces.

“That’s not a good choice, either!” He protests, but Jade’s mouth simply curls into a smile.

“Hmm? He seems like a perfectly good candidate to me. Let me go get him.” Before the first year can stop him, the mer is already walking away to retrieve his target.

“I’m not familiar with that one.” Sebek says, scrutinizing the two second years who now seem to be having an argument of some sort. “He doesn’t seem like he’d be any good in an athletic competition.”

Epel groans. “His athletics isn’t the problem!”

“And what exactly is the problem with me?”

“Ack!” The first year startles, looking up to the two mer who have now appeared beside their table. Jade is smiling, but Arlo looks incredibly annoyed—not that that’s much different than usual. He narrows his eyes further as he takes in the group settled around the table.

Well, he’s here already, so it would be fine to at least ask, right?

“Umm, nothing! Actually, we were looking for another person. You see, there’s this sled race in Harveston, and—“

“Oh, that.” The mer interrupts, tilting his head. “I should have realized you were going to that too.”

“Yeah—“. Epel stops, “Wait, too?!”

“Oh my.” Jade’s eyes widen, “This is unexpected. You already know about this?”

“The race truly is that famous and rigorous, then?” Sebek asks excitedly.

Arlo glances at the Diasomnia first year, raising an eyebrow. “Uh, no. I don’t care about things like that.”

“And I suppose it would be wrong of me to hope that you were similarly interested in Mount Moln…” Jade sighs, shaking his head. “I can only dream.”

Arlo turns to the mer, a look of disgust on his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Neither you or Floyd have any taste, of course…”

“Jade, I swear…”

“Wait, wait!” Epel holds up his hands, temporarily interrupting the two childhood friends. “Seriously, what’d ya’ mean ‘too’?!”

Arlo tilts his head, “I was invited to watch the race.” He says simply, as if it answers the question.

“Wh-?! By who?!” Epel suddenly gets a stricken look on his face. “Don’t tell me—“

Much to the Pomefiore student’s horror, his upperclassman’s cheeks flush a bit red, something that only happens with mention of one specific person. “It doesn’t really matter who it was, does it?” He spits back harshly.

“Oh?” Jade perks up, a smirk on his face. “My, I haven’t seen that reaction from you in a very long time. Who might we be talking about?”

Arlo shoots him a glare, “It’s none of your business, you fungi obsessed freak.”

“Your words do hurt, you know.” Jade says, entirely unfazed.

“No way, Neige invited you?” Epel blinks at the mer in shock. “And you’re going? To MY hometown? With HIM?”

Arlo stares back at him, unimpressed. “It’s only polite to accept an invitation when you’re invited.” He says, like a liar.

“Neige…?” Jade tilts his head. “…Neige LeBlanche? The actor?”

“No, the florist.” Arlo rolls his eyes, “Obviously the actor.”

“I was simply surprised, is all.” Jade grins widely at him. “Although, perhaps I shouldn’t be—that was your type, wasn’t it?”

Arlo’s eyes widen, and then his face flushes bright red even as it immediately contorts in anger. “Shut up! I don’t have a type! And even if I did, he’s not—! Ugh! You’re so annoying! This is why Floyd is the better twin. I wish he would’ve eaten you.” He viciously continues insulting his fellow mer, all while Jade grins on victoriously.

Epel just stares on in despair. “So… not only do we still need to find another person, but Arlo will be there? With Neige?” He mentally starts calculating the chances of Arlo telling on him to Vil. Maybe he’ll be too distracted…? Or—

“Jade, I swear to the Great Seven if you say a single word more about this I will make sure to rip off your tail fins and eat them in front of you.” Arlo finishes, threat hissed in a low tone with his finger pointed at the other boy’s chest. It’s rather comical, considering the height difference, if only Arlo didn’t seem serious about it.

“Wh-?!” Sebek splutters from off to the side, having mostly stayed out of it yet maintaining a disappointed look. “Eat them—?!”

Arlo turns his frightening glare onto him next, anger not sparing a single person no matter their involvement. Epel, unfortunately, is used to it.

He sighs, “Uh… so you’ll be going to Harveston tomorrow too, then…?” He asks hesitantly, conscious of making the older boy even angrier.

The mer crosses his arms. “Yes. I suppose we’ll be seeing each other in the morning, then.” He scoffs.

“Right…”

“I’m leaving now.” Arlo announces, and then throws another glare at Jade, who seems to be radiating smug happiness. “Don’t talk to me.” He hisses.

“See you tomorrow.” Jade calls at his retreating back. Arlo makes a rude gesture over his shoulder.

“I see what you were saying now.” Sebek comments. “We’re better off without him on the team.”

“Yeah…” Epel sighs, “We still need a third person, though…”

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 8

Summary: After an unplanned day at work, Y/N comes home to find a surprise waiting for her.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/155580502

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, severe angst, smut, public sex, unprotected p in v, depression, emotional characters, etc.

Notes: This is up later than normal. I was busy tonight. Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate! There is a nod to the TLOU games in this chapter.

What was supposed to be a vacation from work for a few weeks didn’t last very long. Today when Y/N’s boss called her asking her to come in and help with something, she was eager to go in for Carol. It wasn’t like Y/N was incredibly busy and money was money. It also gave her an extra day off somewhere in the future. It was unfortunately a long day and Y/N was just eager to come home at the end of the day. Both the children and Negan knew that she would be working, but tomorrow she would be spending it with them. Just so she could get some rest.

Even though it was something she had grown accustomed to over the last few years, coming home to a silence felt strange. Especially since she really hadn’t been alone in the last few weeks. Truthfully? She didn’t like it. Even though people always say they enjoy that alone time, for her she just liked being with someone. After four years of being lonely, the noise was just something she looked forward to.

Heading upstairs, she knew that she should have eaten something, but sleep just sounded so much better. Pushing the door open to her bedroom, a surprised sound fell from her throat when she saw that something was laid out over the top of her bed. Stepping forward, a lump grew in her throat at the brand-new dress that was before her. Involuntarily smiling, she dragged her fingers across the material. Next to it was a typed out note and a peony. Picking up the note, she started to read it with a warmth flooding into her face. 

Put the dress on. A car will pick you up at eight. Don’t ask where you’re going. Just trust me.

With a smirk, she grabbed the peony and brought it up to smell the flower. This had to be another one of Negan’s elaborate date night ideas. It was completely unexpected, but charming considering everything. Even though they both agreed that they would wait until tomorrow to get together, Negan was always spontaneous like this.

Setting aside the note and the flower, she lifted up the dress to take a look at it. It was a flowing red gown that took her breath away. A long time ago she had seen a dress like this that she had wanted, but decided not to buy it because it was on the more expensive side. Also, she really didn’t have something nice to wear it to. Bringing it close to her chest, Y/N looked to the time to see that eight wasn’t too far away. If she wanted to look nice, she would have to start getting ready now.

Taking a quick shower, she dried her hair and did as she was told putting on the dress, her makeup and some of her nicest jewelry. After getting ready, she waited downstairs wondering if she should call Negan, but instead waited. By eight there was a car waiting for her just like the note said. Getting into the car felt uncomfortable since it was a stranger that was driving her around. Silence filled the car and even though she trusted Negan, it was hard not to speak.

Should she ask the driver where they were going? She wasn’t used to things like this. But she kept quiet and just trusted the process. When they reached the local high school it confused her. The driver stopped in front of the school and it made her let out an uncomfortable sound.

“You’re supposed to go into the school,” the driver instructed looking back at her over his shoulder and it had her swallowing down hard. Sliding across the backseat, she worked opened the door. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” she gave the driver a thanking nod, closing the door once she got out. Moving up the long walkway to her old high school made her curious as to where this was headed. Entering the school brought back old memories for her. Even though she now was coming to the school as a parent for Elizabeth, this was still the school she grew up at. Usually the school would be locked up right now considering they were on holiday, but here it was lit up and welcoming for her to walk through it.

Stopping at the display cases, she looked over the trophies that were there. Gazing over the old photos of when she attended the school made her smile. The young photos of both Joel and Negan on their perspective teams drew her attention. After taking a few minutes, she wondered where she was meant to go until her eyes fell to a piece of paper that was taped to the wall. In a bold font the words ‘this way’ were written on it with an arrow pointing down the hallway.

Following the route, Y/N was amused that it led her through the hallways of the school with each sign directing her where she was meant to go. By the time she made it to the school’s planetarium, it made her head tip to the side. Opening the doors, she stepped inside to see that it was empty except for something that was on the desk at the front. There was a bouquet of flowers along with another typed out note.

Unhurriedly moving across the room, she reached for the note and grew curious with the instructions.

Sit in the front row, middle seat. Don’t move. Watch the show. 

Putting the note back on the desk, she looked around the empty room again. There was no sign of Negan. No sign of anyone really. Exhaling loudly, she did as she was told and sat down in the middle seat of the front row. Suddenly the regular lights went out and it was completely pitch black. It had been so long since she had been in this room. It was always something that she liked doing when they went here for school when they were younger. Leaning back in the seat, she lifted her head up waiting. It took a moment for the lights of the planetarium to be projected up onto the ceiling, but when they did it drew an awe from her.

They had definitely updated it since she had been here. All of the lights were bright and in a much higher quality which was no surprise. It had been a long time since she was last in this room. There was a chill in the room making her realize that she was genuinely not used to wearing dresses like this.

At this point, she half expected Negan to come into the room and join her, but she was alone for quite some time.

“I thought I’d tell you a story,” a voice spoke up causing a chill to flood her body. Looking back, she let out a shocked breath to see that two rows back Joel was sitting at the end of it. With the dimly lit room she could tell that his hair was slicked back and he was wearing a red dress shirt and a black suit jacket. “Don’t look at me, keep watching.”

“Joel?” she spoke his name with goosebumps developing over her arms. This wasn’t at all what she thought was happening. Yet it now suddenly made sense why the notes were typed and not written. “What is this?”

“Listen to me. Please,” Joel begged of her, his southern drawl growing deeper. There was something in the way that his dark eyes stared out at her that made her heart sink. “Hear my story and then if you want to ask questions, you’re free to do so.”

“Joel,” she said his name again with a frown flooding his features. Sighing loudly, she turned back around in her seat and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling of the planetarium again. Even though she didn’t know where this was headed, she listened to Joel.

“Thank you,” Joel’s voice was deep with him trying to speak loud enough and clear enough for her to still hear him. “I want to tell you the story about the first time I fell in love.”

Closing her eyes, she so badly wanted to stop him, but instead she did as he asked and kept quiet, “This story starts with me moving to this town. You know that I grew up in Texas. I never wanted to leave. Tommy and I were so mad when we had to. We didn’t want to move. We liked where we lived, but our daddy insisted that it was what was best for business. When we moved, I was pissed. I had friends that I was leaving. A place where I felt like I belonged. The first day we moved to this town, this woman came with her daughter to introduce themselves. When my mother brought me to the door to meet them, the woman’s daughter immediately blushed when she saw me. I was grumpy of course. I didn’t want to be there, so I wasn’t in the mood to be civil with strangers.”

“I know this story,” she pointed out having Joel scoff when she interrupted him. She lived this story and she knew what the outcome was. Clutching tightly to the arms of the seat, she curled her fingers around them and didn’t know why this was drawing chills down her spine.

“Not the whole story,” Joel corrected her with a grunt. “You’re supposed to stay quiet and watch the show. Listen.”

“Yes sir,” she huffed, leaning more comfortably back in her seat wondering if she would be able to get through this whole thing. This was already more than Joel spoke for the most part which was certainly different for him.

“Anyways, this girl had a crush on me from the start. I knew it. I always knew it. Every time I’d go outside to throw around a ball I could see her down the street trying to do things to impress me. And she’d show up asking me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friend. Of course, she was younger than me, so I thought I’d look stupid hanging out with a younger girl. So I’d deny her every time,” Joel recalled of his youth when he first met Y/N when they were children. Every day she would show up trying to get him to hang out, but he’d always say no. “But that girl? She never gave up. Every day she was outside, she’d try to get me to play with her and the other children. But I didn’t want to get close to the people here. I was so goddamn convinced that if I was brooding enough that my parents would take me back to where we lived before. But that girl? Even though my little brother was three years younger than her, she had no problem allowing him to hang out with her and her friends. See, back then? She was the most popular girl on the block because she was the most badass, coolest girl around. All the boys wanted to be friends with her. She played sports, knew them just as much as the boys did.”

Biting down on her bottom lip, Y/N tried to keep herself quiet while Joel told their story from his point of view, “And when my little brother started getting bullied by the dickhead living in our block, I didn’t know it at first. When I finally saw that shit stain knocking my brother off his bike, I was fully prepared to kick his ass, but that girl? She was outside playing hockey with her friends and saw it too. Beat me to it when it came to kicking that bully’s ass with her hockey stick. I was impressed. Scared. But impressed.”

“You didn’t fall in love with me then,” she noted remembering distinctly of their relationship through the years.

“You’re not a very good listener,” Joel’s Texan accent grew thicker making her laugh with him hushing her. “Anyways! That day I’m pretty sure that girl fell in love with me because I agreed to finally start hanging out with her and her friends. If she was willing to kick someone’s ass for Tommy? She was good enough to hang out with. So I became a trio with her and her best friend. For years I knew she had the biggest crush on me. It’s not that she told me she had a crush on me, but it was the way she looked at me. I never acted on it because I truthfully was scared of her. What if I pissed her off and I became her next target?”

“Joel,” she grumbled under her breath hearing his thick laugh in return.

“I’m serious! You scared the hell outta me. It was better to have you as a friend than as an enemy,” Joel declared rocking slightly in his seat watching her from afar with her still staring up at the showing of the stars above them. “But now? I’m gonna jump ahead and tell you about the time I fell in love for the first time. You see, I wasn’t the smartest student around. I was actually…kinda lazy. Instead of focusing on my education, I focused on my athletic and musical talent to get me ahead in life. For the most part? It worked. That friend of mine was in the same class as me. Even though we were best friends out of school? Sometimes I was kind of a dick since she was younger than me. So I’d sit by my friends when I reckon I should have always been spending my time with her. But one day in class, they turned off the lights and that girl? She was sitting in the front row, right in the middle. There was a light that was reflecting from the lights above that drew my attention to her. And for the first time when I looked at her, I felt my heart stop. She was smiling and it took my breath away seeing her like that. I was in the third row, on the end and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. All I wanted to look at was her.”

A loud exhale fell from her lips with her lowering her head down with Joel sweeping his thumb in over his bottom lip, “I thought it was a fluke. Something that wasn’t gonna happen again because I had never felt that way about her in all the time we had been friends. But after that moment in this very classroom, every time I saw her she took my breath away. My heart would race. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I didn’t understand why it took me that long to finally see that she was the most beautiful girl that I had ever laid my eyes on.”

Her breathing grew louder when Joel confessed to her something she had never heard before from him with this story, “I thought I lost my chance with her because I thought she had feelings for another boy, but when I approached her at a party and I kissed her…I felt fireworks. I had kissed other girls before, but when I kissed her? I wish I could describe it. It felt like my heart stopped and at the same time like it was pounding outta my chest.”

Leaning forward in his seat, Joel rest his arms against the chair that was in front of him while he watched her listening to him, “After that moment? I knew that I needed to have her in my life always. And then when we slept together the first time? I should have made it more romantic, but I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was everything right in the world. There was always a piece of me missing, but with her? She made me whole. And after that moment? I couldn’t stand to be separated from her. Every moment I spent without her, I was in agony. That’s how I knew I met the love of my life because every minute I spent away from her I was counting the seconds until she was in my arms again. She was everything that was perfect, pure and right in the world. And me? I was a fucking mess. Which is why I always thanked the world for bringing her to me because I wasn’t used to things going right for me. When the world fell apart for me with my parents dying, she was my rock. She was my strength and she made me realize what true love really was. We didn’t mean to get pregnant, but it happened. It was scary. It was sudden. But we took it on together.”

Getting up from his seat, Joel moved to the front row with her and sat beside her, “When Ellie was born, I was blown away that I could make something so perfect. But then again? She was part of you.”

Outstretching his fingers, he stroked them over the top of her hand seeing that tears were burning at her eyes, “And when we got married, no matter how scary the world seemed at that young I knew I’d be okay because I had you by my side. Every night after Ellie was born, I’d always wake up worried about the both of you. Everything else that was good in my life left me. So I’d check on you and her because I loved you both so much.”

Against his fingertips Joel could tell that Y/N was tremoring trying to avoid getting emotional, but she still was, “And then we had a beautiful boy. We were in love with two amazing miracles that came from our love. I don’t know what happened, but I let my past cloud my judgement. I had everything any man could wish for. And I messed up. I screwed up real bad.”

By now she was crying again, but he hooked his fingers with hers tightly in a supportive squeeze, “I let you down and I’m sorry. I thought at the time I was making the right choice, but I miss you. I miss us. I miss our family. Without you? I don’t feel whole. When I had my family, I was proud. I was a man that had everything. The perfect wife. Beautiful children.”

Joel’s words lingered when he turned in the seat, reaching out with his other hand to press his fingertips in over the side of her face, “I love you Y/N. I love you so much. And I miss everything about my life before. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I made a horrible mistake. I want us to be together. I want us to fix things. And I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. When I lost everything with my parents, you pulled me out when I was drowning. You saved me. And you were the only person that ever felt like home to me.”

What really got her was not only was she crying at this point, but so was he, “The children want us to get back together. And I know you still love me.”

Closing the distance between them, Joel’s lips covered hers and he could taste the saltiness of her tears against his lips. Brushing his lips against hers again and again, Joel attempted to show her with everything that he had how much he loved her.

Unhurriedly, he pulled his lips away from hers and motioned her to wait for a moment. Standing to his feet, he watched her eyes follow his movements. Bending over, he picked up the guitar that she had bought him all those years ago for their anniversary. Spotting what he was holding had her breathing growing uneven and she lowered her head.

“What are you doing?” she stammered trying to wipe at her eyes with the back of her hand. Motioning her to wait, Joel dragged the chair that was in front of the desk out. Carefully lowering down into the seat, Joel strummed at his guitar a little and cleared his throat.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this. Y’know. Play in front of someone,” Joel explained tapping his fingers against the guitar slightly. “Just alone to myself.”

Keeping her eyes locked on Joel, she heard the cords that he started playing having it take her breath away. It had been so long since she had last heard Joel play the guitar. After things it seemed like he wrote it off completely, but it was always one of the things that drew her to Joel.

“If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself. Everything I have found dear, I’ve not found by myself,” Joel seemed to stumble a bit over his words while he tried to gather himself and sing for her the song that he was drawn to when he thought of her. “Try and sometimes you’ll succeed to make this man of me. All my stolen missing parts, I’ve no need for anymore.”

Swallowing down hard, it felt like the room was spinning around her while he continued to sing in his deep rumble of a southern drawl, “I believe and I believe ‘cause I can see our future days. Days of you and me.”

Bracing her hands over the sides of the chair she was in, she felt her heart racing and her lips parting, “Back when I was feeling broken, I focused on a prayer. You came deep as any ocean. Did something out there hear? All the complexities and games, no one wins but still they’re played. All the missing crooked hearts, they may die but in us they live on.”

Sitting forward, she felt like the breath was leaving her lungs when Joel started singing the chorus again. There was a whole lot of crying with her body shaking, “When hurricanes and cyclones raged, when wind turned to dirt to dust, when floods they came or tides they raised, even closer became us. All the promises at sundown, I’ve meant them like the rest. All the demons used to come ‘round, I’m grateful that they left.”

Tightening her grip around the arms of the chair, Y/N felt lost in herself with her body tremoring, “So persistent in my ways, hey angel, I am here to stay. No resistance, no alarms. Please, this is just too good to be gone.”

As Joel came to the final chorus, Y/N pushed up from the chair and started to make her way through the planetarium toward the door with Joel fumbling through the chords, “Hey!”

“What Joel?” she turned on her heel, throwing her hands up in the air with Joel setting the guitar against the desk. Sobbing made her feel pathetic, but that’s what she was doing right now. “What is this Joel?”

“I was just trying to show you how much I loved you,” Joel reasoned with her stepping through the room, holding his hands out to plead with her not to run off. “I love you. So fucking much.”

“You are fucking with my emotions so bad,” she explained to him, her words broken with her shaking her head. “Do you know how long I waited for you to do something like this? How I prayed that you would realize that you didn’t want that divorce? Do you know how much it broke my heart that I made you miserable?”

“I made a horrible, awful mistake,” Joel stressed, still crying himself stepping before her with a frown. Joel wasn’t much of a crier, so the fact that he was crying? That took her breath away and surprised her. “I was wrong. I know what I did and I understand why you are feeling the way you are, but we’re soulmates you and I. Destined to be together.”

“I loved you so much. I tried so hard to make you happy because I knew what life stole from you,” she whimpered with Joel taking slow steps toward her. Shakily reaching out to grab his hands with hers, Joel’s thumbs stroked over the backs of her hands with him nodding. “Life was hard for me too Joel. I didn’t want this life when I was younger, but I grew to love this life because I love you so much. And if I had you, I knew I’d be okay because you were everything to me. I gave everything to make you happy.”

“I know you did,” Joel acknowledged with a firm nod of his head. “I was blind to things then, but now I see everything you did for me. No one supported me and did for me what you have. We were the perfect couple. Even this town saw it. I’ve never been good with my emotions, but with you I had them. I just closed myself off again like I did growing up. I never got to mourn the loss of my parents or the loss of my future. I had to step into the role of dad with Tommy when I was eighteen. I had to be the strong one, the cold one. Cus’ Tommy was the one that was the younger one. He’d be the one growing up without his parents. Cheated from a life that I did get. Then I became a dad not long after. I lost myself and I hurt you.”

“I’m sorry Joel,” she shook her head, attempting to leave only to have Joel reach out to pull her to him. Having her fall in against his chest, Joel palmed in over the side of her face drawing her lips to his again. Passionately he kissed her, his fingers curling around the back of her neck with each caress growing hungrier between them.

“Please, I love you so much,” Joel stammered against her lips, walking forward to lead her toward the wall. Pressing her back against it, Joel was eager to kiss her as intimately as possible. With her melting in against him, he could tell that she was falling for it further.

Allowing his kisses to tamper off over her jawline had her palming down over the center of his chest. Sliding his hand down over the side of her body, Joel took his time calming her knowing that she was emotional. Pressing his body in closer to hers, Joel swept his fingers down over the exposed part of her shoulder and pulled back slightly. Hovering his lips over hers, he knew that she was still emotional with him drawing his thumb across her bottom lip. Kissing at the pad of his thumb, her eyes came to a tight close having Joel’s pulse leaping in his throat.

Tugging at the material of the bottom of her dress, Joel got it hiked up enough to reach for her panties beneath pushing them down her legs. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat when they dropped to her ankles. Curling his arm under her thigh, he lifted her leg and slid his fingers underneath her knee. Adjusting her other leg allowed her to step out of the material and he licked his lips.

“Just give me another chance,” Joel whispered, his forehead pressing against hers. Lowering her leg back, Joel reached for her hands and hooked his fingers with hers. Leading them to his belt had her letting out a tremoring breath. “I know you still love me and I still love you. The two of us are meant to be together.”

Dragging his thumb across her bottom lip, Joel teased her with the idea of kissing her. At first her fingers dragged across his belt and he could see the contemplation in her eyes, “It’s okay.”

Shakily pulling apart his belt, she tugged at the material and then undid the button in his pants. Pulling down the zipper was all he needed to know that this was okay. Bringing their lips together again, Joel kissed her and pressed his body in closer to hers.

“There is no one that makes me feel the way you do,” Joel slurred against her bottom lip, peppering it with wet kisses. In his arms, her body was tremoring and there were no doubts about the way that she felt toward him. “Nothing hurt more than seeing you crying the other day knowing it was because of me. Because I love you. I love you so much and I hate that I did what I did. I regret it every day.”

“How do I know that this isn’t like the other times?” she whimpered, her head tipping back with Joel starting to kiss down over her jawline. Closing her eyes, she purred out at the sensation of his lips caressing at her flesh. After so long together, Joel knew exactly what to do to get her to turn to mush in the palm of his hand.

“Does this feel like the other times?” Joel inquired, cupping her face in the warmth of his hands. Sweeping his thumbs against her face, Joel leaned into nuzzle his nose in against hers. “I mean what I say Y/N. I’m lost without you. You’re all I can think about. I go to sleep thinking about you. I wake up thinking about you…”

Crying out, she bit down on her bottom lip when Joel’s hand palmed in between her thighs. Swallowing down hard, Joel was quick to push his pants down to the bottom of his waist. Bracing his weight, Joel picked her up in his arms and pressed her firmly back against the wall. Getting her to wrap her legs around his waist, Joel’s eyelids grew heavy with her right arm wrapped around his shoulders and her left hand brushing through his hair.

“All I see is you…” Joel whispered, capturing her lips with his again. Each kiss grew stronger with his hips faintly bucking up against her. Breaking away for a moment, Joel lowered his head releasing a grunt when he lined his body up with her entrance. Sinking unhurriedly into the warmth of her body had his lips parting, a small whine escaping her throat with him entering her again. It was so hard for Joel not to fall apart right then and there. Maybe it was from all the emotions, but just having the warmth of her surrounding him again had his heart racing. There was a sense of euphoria that flooded into her features with her head tipping back. Starting to roll his hips from under her, Joel had her body bouncing upward with every thrust that he made. Hovering his lips over hers, the warmth of his breath had chills running down her spine. A rumble of a growl escaped his throat with her fingertips tugging at his dark hair. “We were made for one another. No matter what the world throws at us, it’s always gonna lead me back to you and you back to me.”

Unsteadily breathing, Joel nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck with her wrapping her arms around his shoulders to brace herself. Wincing, Joel’s thrusts were slow and steady. Unlike the last time where he completely had his way with her. More than anything he wanted this to mean something. To be special in a way that the last few times hadn’t been between them. He wanted to show her that he loved her. That she was special to him.

“I love you,” Joel slurred against the side of her neck, grunting with his thrusts growing harder. Faint gasps escaped her lips with her caressing her fingers against his scalp. More than anything, he wanted to hear her say it back in the moment. Tipping his head back just enough, Joel’s dark eyes linked with hers. Pressing his forehead against hers. “Tell me you love me.”

“Joel,” she panted, her eyes closing shut tightly with his thrusts becoming more prominent. Clinging tightly to him, she whined out his name.

“Please,” he begged, nibbling at her bottom lip with their bodies moving together in unison.

“I love you,” she whispered, her eyes fluttering to an open with his movements coming to a halt. Joel’s beautiful eyes gazed over her lips and she knew by his expression that it was everything that he wanted to hear.

Carefully lowering one of her legs down to the ground, he hooked his arm underneath it while keeping the other leg wrapped firmly around his hips. Pressing closer to her, this helped Joel’s movements become steadier, more fluid. After hearing her say the words that he asked of her, Joel couldn’t stop kissing her. Flooding her with all the passion that he had inside of him.

“You are so beautiful,” Joel whispered against her earlobe after he broke away from their kisses allowing them to now trail over her jawline. “You’ve always been so beautiful.”

Drawing her back to him with his kisses, Joel’s thrusts grew unsteady with her breaths growing sharp against his, “I want to be the reason you smile again. I want to be the reason you’re happy, not the reason that you’re miserable.”

Settling his free hand in over the small of her back, Joel’s winces grew louder with every thrust. Whimpering, her head dropped back against the wall allowing him to kiss down over the side of her neck. Nipping at her chin, Joel growled out and felt his body tensing up.

“I miss you so much,” Joel captured her lips in a lingering kiss, plunging his manhood into her with uneven movements. His thrusts became more desperate. His body tensing up beneath her while she rocked her hips against his movements.

Dropping his left hand, he cupped her bottom in his grasp. Her cries grew louder, vibrating against his lips as he stole kiss after kiss from her. Soon his thrusts slowed down but were extremely prominent with the warmth of his release starting to fill her. Groaning out, Joel bit faintly at her bottom lip as he continued to buck up against her until his movements came to a complete halt.

Falling in against her, Joel’s breathing was loud and uneven. Usually she wasn’t this quiet during or after things, but it seemed like she was trying to catch her breath with their bodies still pressed together. Lowering her leg, Joel grunted when he felt her pressing into his stomach. By the pressure she was able to get him to step back. With his body pulling from hers, it had her eyes coming to a tight close. Trying to gather herself, she started pushing at the material of her dress doing her best to get it back into place. Once she did, she fell back against the wall, sliding down it until she was sitting completely on the floor.

“Y/N?” Joel breathed out her name, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Noticing the expression over her face, Joel realized it wasn’t all that happy and he started to work his pants back up over his body. Pushing his softening length back into his pants, Joel adjusted himself before zipping the material together. Buttoning his pants, Joel left the belt unhooked when he lowered down in beside her. Both of their breathing was labored and he didn’t know what to say. Truthfully? The silence was eating away at him.

“There are no cameras in here, right?” she wondered, looking around the classroom to see if there were cameras that were there. In the past, she knew that there wasn’t, but it had been a very long time since they went to school here.

“No,” Joel shook his head, shakily brushing his fingers through his hair surprised that it was the first question she asked him.

“And no one was here to see that?” she seemed worried that they would have been caught having sex in the middle of the school.

“It’s just us in here right now. The guy that runs this program owed me a favor. Taught me how to use it and then the janitor let me into the building. I got permission to do this whole thing,” Joel explained to her the process of what he had to do in order to have this moment with them. Waving his hand about in the air, Joel felt his chest tightening when it looked like she was still upset with him. “I have keys to lock up afterwards.”

“We shouldn’t have done that here,” she stammered, her eyes staring out toward the seats in the distance.

“It’s not the first time we had sex in this building. The two of us would sneak off all the time when we were younger,” Joel reminded her with a weak smile, nudging her slightly with his arm, but it didn’t have the kind of reaction that he was hoping from her. “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t fair Joel,” she responded, staring out into the room refusing to look at him in that moment. Shakily, her fingers brushed back her hair. Right now? She seemed to be more upset than she was before all of this. “I waited four years for you to decide that you made a mistake. So many nights I laid awake thinking that you would show up on the doorstep apologizing about the mistake that you made. And when you’d show up to sleep with me, I’d think that was it, but it never was. You know that I love you and you know how to play me like a fiddle. Hell, like you said I’ve been in love with you since I was a child.”

“I didn’t…” Joel started to defend himself, but she held her hand up in the air to stop him from talking any further. By what she was saying, it felt like she thought he was doing the same kind of thing with her right now and that wasn’t the case at all.

“I am so fucking broken because I love you,” she declared with a whimper, reaching up to wipe at her eyes knowing that he was confused with her response. “Whether you like him or not, Negan is the perfect guy. Wants me to be happy. Goes out of his way to make me feel good. And I just had sex with you because the girl in me that is head over heels in love with you has been waiting to hear everything you just said for so long.”

Her hands were trembling as she spoke, the look in her eyes miserable when she turned to look at Joel with a newfound sadness that caused that ache at the center of his chest to grow further, “I can’t help, but think that you only did this because now there is someone else that genuinely cares about me. For so long it was only you, but now that there is Negan…”

“That’s not true,” Joel refuted with a frown outstretching his hand to curl his fingers in underneath her jaw to get her to look at him. “It’s not true because we started this back at the village and I didn’t even know Negan was there.”

“Joel, that day at the village was just like all the other times we’ve slept together since we’ve been separated. You’d come to me when you were horny and you wanted to get laid. You’d say exactly what I needed to hear or wanted to hear and I’d fall for it every time,” she reminded him hearing Joel huffing out and out of the corner of her eyes she noticed the way that his face scrunched up. “Why wait to do this until after Negan? If you missed me, if you loved me, why wait until now?”

“I don’t know, but it’s not because of Negan,” Joel declared placing his hand in over the center of his chest to stress his sincerity. “And I didn’t only come to you to sleep with you because I was horny and I wanted to get laid.”

“You always left before the children came home or woke up Joel when we’d sleep together in the past,” she hissed, her eyes full of tears again when she turned her head to stare out at him. Seeing her hurt again was tearing his heart out because he thought what he had just done was everything she needed to hear. Shaking her head, she tried to gather her emotions but she was having a hard time doing that. Misery was flooding throughout Joel’s whole body with no idea how to fix all of this. “I think right now you truly believe that you love me. That I’m the one for you. But I think it’s because before now, I was always an option. Someone that was here waiting for you to realize your mistake. Now that I have Negan in my life? I think you’re panicking. So you’re feeling these emotions so strongly.”

“I understand why you would think that,” Joel threw his hands out in a pleading motion, “but I started feeling this way long before Negan showed up. The day we did our gingerbread family I…” Joel swallowed down hard knowing that this was going to sound creepy. “When I went upstairs, I saw that the door to our bedroom was open. I went in there and I crawled into our bed. Laid in my spot because I missed it Y/N. I missed you then.”

“Then why didn’t you do all of this then?” she whimpered, her voice breaking after she asked him that question. So many thoughts were flooding through his mind, but he couldn’t focus on the right one that he knew would get her to believe him. “I don’t think you’re evil or purposely out to hurt me Joel. I don’t even think you did this purposely. I think it was your fear that I might not be here as a backup that has you acting out like this. You’re a good man Joel Miller, and I’ve always known that. But? You’re just not good for me.”

“Tess and I broke up because I was still in love with you,” Joel confessed to her, his eyebrows furrowing when he tried to appeal to her. “She wanted more from me, but I couldn’t give it to her because my heart…it still belonged to you. I was just pretending with everyone else because I thought I had to experience what I didn’t when I was a kid, but I realized it was you that I wanted to be with.”

“Joel, we slept together when you were with Tess. You could have left her at any time and I would have welcomed you back with open arms,” she defended her actions right now with being so upset. “It’s so hard to believe what you are saying right now.” 

“Because I hurt you in the past, that’s what you’re focusing on, but it’s not true,” Joel promised, his voice broken when he desperately shook his head from side to side. “You’re it for me. I know you are. And I’ve felt this way for a while. Before Negan even showed up because at the village…”

“You fucked me so hard that I felt it all night and into the morning,” she interrupted him having him go silent with his defense. “There was no romance there. You wanted to have raunchy dirty sex and I don’t think you cared who I was in that moment. You fucked me so hard Joel and it wasn’t sex from a man that loved me. It was a man that wanted to use my body to get a release. One that he likely hadn’t had in a while.”

Groaning out, Joel buried his head into his hand and felt his body shaking, “I’m lonely and I miss you Y/N.”

“I believe that you’re lonely,” she agreed with him having his saddened chocolate brown eyes meeting hers when he turned his head to gaze out at her. “You know, the day you told me you wanted a divorce is the day that you left. I remember thinking back then you were just stressed out and overwhelmed. I just thought you were saying it to say it. To scare me into thinking I was actually going to lose you. I thought you just needed some time to calm down. So I let you go with Tommy. I never cried harder than I did that night. And when you came to get your things, I begged you to reconsider. I didn’t understand the mistake I had made. What I did wrong. I gave up my life just like you did. The second we got divorced, Tess suddenly showed up…”

“I didn’t cheat,” Joel started to fight watching her nod her head. “I didn’t!”

“I believe you, but it didn’t stop you from finding someone as soon as we got divorced,” she recalled the pain that she felt when he was with Tess. How quickly he had found someone else always broke her heart. “You threw Tess in my face every chance you could. Maybe you didn’t even mean it. Maybe you loved her so much that…”

“I never told Tess that I loved her,” Joel interrupted her shaking his head when she rambled about his ex that he had broken up with months ago. “I never did.”

“Does that even matter? You still chose to be with her over me. It killed me to see you with her, but I didn’t try to break the two of you up. When you came to me, I thought you were picking me and you would come back to me. I was a bad person when I slept with you when you were with her,” she condemned herself thinking about some of the worst moments of her life. Back then she was so desperate to have Joel back that she would have done anything to make him happy. “Right now, I believe you firmly think that you love me and you want to be with me again, but I know how you were when you were with me and I’m not your happiness.”

“I’m nothing without you,” Joel pled as she pulled herself up into a standing position. Looking up at her with misery in his eyes, Joel threw his hands up in the air. “My heart breaks every day I wake up and you’re not in my arms. I miss when it was the four of us. Waking up, having breakfast with the four of us…my heart yearns for that. I want to be with you with everything that I am. My chest fucking hurts when I think about you because I love you and I’m heartbroken.”

“You don’t know what heartbroken is,” she scoffed, lowering her head when Joel started to sob where he was seated. “You know what? That was mean. I’m sure you do. But not when it comes to me,” she went to leave with Joel reaching for her hand again, but she forcefully pulled it away from him. “Don’t!”

“Please,” Joel got to his knees, holding his hands up in a begging motion. “Please give me another chance. I can prove it to you. Don’t do this to me. Please?”

“Do you think I like seeing you like this? I love you Joel and I have loved you all along. I will always love you Joel, but you shattered my heart. You broke it so bad that I don’t even know if I can ever piece it back together,” she whimpered, her sobs drawing her words to slur together. “Do you remember how you got me to sign the divorce papers?”

Dropping his head, Joel bit down on his bottom lip and his hands fell at his sides into fists, “You told me that you were suffering. That every day you were with me you woke up wanting to kill yourself because you hated your life so much. You told me that the only chance you had at being happy was trying to do something new with your life. What happens if we get back together and I wake up one day to find that you aren’t here because of me? Because I make you that miserable.”

“You’re the only thing that holds me together,” Joel stated with something that resembled a whine. Right now Joel looked defeated on his knees before her. “Nothing I say is going to make you take me back. Is it? I’ll never be good enough for you.”

“You were always good enough for me,” her bottom lip trembled, lowering down before Joel to trace her fingers over the hard lines of Joel’s face. “Joel Miller, I’m going to love you until the day I die. Nothing will change that because I love you so much. But I will never forget the things you told me. And I think the healthiest thing for the both of us is to stay apart. We’re toxic together Joel. I don’t make you happy. And I love you enough to know that. But you’ll never lose me. I’ll always be in your life. With our children? We’ll never be out of each other’s lives.”

Bracing her hands against his shoulders, she caressed over them and leaned forward to bring their lips together in a tender sweep. When she pulled away, Joel’s palm caressed down over the side of her face, “It’s not a question of if I love you Joel. We both know that I do. It’s just knowing what’s best for the both of us.”

Nuzzling her nose in against his, she stroked her fingers over the side of his face taking a moment to comfort him with him so upset. Shakily standing to her feet had his dark eyes lifting to watch her back step toward the door.

“Let me take you home,” Joel reasoned with her, going to get up but she was quick to shake her head. Guilt was eating away at him, his whole body aching after the way this turned out. “No one is here to drive you home. You’re only wearing that dress. You’re gonna get sick.”

“I’m stronger than I look,” she shrugged her shoulders letting out a long sigh knowing right now she felt like she needed an incredible amount of punishment for everything she did tonight not only to Joel, but also what she did to Negan. “I’ll call Tommy and let him know what happened so he can expect you home soon.”

“Something tells me even if I asked you not to, you still would,” Joel commented, lowering back down to his ass letting out a long huff when he wiped at his tear-stained face. “So do whatever you have to do I ‘spose.”

Standing at the doorway, Y/N felt her chest aching seeing how devastated Joel looked, but at the end of the day she knew this was the best for the both of them.

----

At first it sounded like a faint knocking sound that awakened Negan from his slumber. It was late into the middle of the night and he was barely awake. Turning his head, Negan groaned out and buried his head into his pillow further. Hoping to drown out the sounds. Right now he was at the home he had rented to stay in town for the holidays. Truthfully? The house was incredibly noisy and he figured it was because it was an older home. Over the last couple of weeks, Negan had gone back and forth between this rental and his mother’s home so he wasn’t completely used to this place yet. That sound? He just thought it was old pipes.

Gradually the sounds started to get louder which had Negan pushing his hands into the bed to sit up slowly. Rubbing his hand down over his face, it took a minute for him to realize that it was someone knocking. Gazing over at the time, he let out a stressed breath seeing that it was way too late for someone to be at his home. Then again, when he was at his other places he never put it past a fan to try to show up at his home unannounced.

Getting up slowly, he stumbled through the darkness of the bedroom. Flicking the light on helped just enough but hurt his tired eyes. Rubbing at them, he yawned and made his way down the hallway toward the front door. Stepping in front of the door, he looked out the window after struggling to push away the curtain covering the door.

Suddenly, his heart kickstarted in his chest when he realized who was standing outside his door. Pulling it open, Negan clung tightly to the door and felt his heart racing, “Y/N, what the hell are you doing?”

Instead of saying anything, she just stood before him silent. Visibly freezing and standing before him in nothing but a red gown. Reaching out, his warm hands grabbed a hold of her wrists that were dropped down at her sides. Urging her into his rental home, Negan closed the door behind them. Palming up over her arms toward her shoulders, Negan realized that her flesh was freezing beneath his touch.

“You’re freezing. What’s going on?” Negan questioned, motioning her to wait a moment. Moving over toward the couch, he swiftly grabbed the blanket that he had left there earlier. Rushing back to her, he wrapped the blanket around her shivering body. Caressing it over her shoulders, he tried to get her to warm up. “Did you walk all the way here wearing just that?”

“Yeah,” she was honest causing an immediate worry to fill Negan’s eyes. Stumbling over to the fireplace, Negan worked quickly to get the fireplace started. Guilt ate away at her knowing that Negan was doing everything in his power to get the fire started for her as fast as he could. “You don’t have to worry about this Negan. I need to talk to you.”

“And we’ll talk once we get this fire started, get you some new clothes and something hot to drink,” Negan grunted after he finally got the fire lit. Moving around her, Negan dragged one of the chairs in the living room close to the fireplace. Grabbing her hands in his, Negan led her toward the chair and got her to sit down. Right now she was uncontrollably shivering, but she didn’t care about herself. Attempting to stand up had Negan shaking his head and forcing her back down. “Stay!”

Instead of fighting, she obeyed and heard him rushing down the hallway. Shuffling sounds were heard and it didn’t take long for him to be running back into the living room. Holding some clothes out to her, Negan saw her eyeing them over. For some reason she wasn’t taking them evoking a grunt from his lips. Lowering down, Negan pulled the blanket carefully from her body after he set the clothes aside. Hooking his arms underneath her armpits, Negan was gentle in the way that he pulled her up to her feet. Using his strength, Negan made sure that she was comfortably on her feet before he started to work the dress from her body.

Nothing about this was sexual. If anything? He was incredibly caring and sweet in the way that he was helping her. Getting the damp material from her body seemed to be his number one priority. And once he did? The material dropped to the ground with a wet thud. Even though she was naked, Negan didn’t take advantage of it. Instead he motioned her to lift her arms up for him. When she did, he helped pull one of his heavier sweatshirts down over her upper half. Grabbing his boxer shorts that he snagged from his dresser, Negan helped get each leg through before pulling them up her body. Once he was done, he did the same thing with a pair of his sweatpants and was unhurried in the way that he tied the knot in them.

“Come here,” Negan wrapped her up in his arms as soon as he was done. Holding her tightly to him, Negan was doing his best to warm her up. She was still shivering and he was worried about her.

“Did something happen?” Negan asked and by the tone of his voice she knew that he thought something horrible had happened to her. “Do I need to call someone? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

“No,” she muttered, burying her head against his shoulder. Even though it was warm, her body was still having a hard time warming up. It was an involuntary action of her body that was craving the warmth of his body against hers as she cuddled in closer to him. “I did this to myself Negan. I walked here from the high school. It was my own choice.”

“The high school?” Negan repeated, tipping back enough to stare down at her with a strained expression. “Why were you at the high school. No, fucking scratch that. Why did you walk all the way from the high school through the freezing weather in the snow to this fucking house? You should have called me. I would have picked you up.”

“I was punishing myself,” she spoke quietly having his head tip to the side. His eyebrows furrowed with his lips parting. It looked like he wanted to say something, but when he went to he stopped himself because he didn’t understand. “I’m a horrible person Negan. For so many reasons.”

“No you’re not,” Negan denied that statement immediately, shaking his head with him cupping her face in the warmth of his palms. 

“I am,” she insisted having Negan scoff at her stubbornness. They probably could have gone back and forth like children at this point. It was late. She was freezing. They were both tired, but the worst of it was that she was emotional in all of this.

“You’re not a terrible person. And whatever you think you’ve done wrong, it’s not worth getting sick and dying when you have two children that need you,” Negan reminded her of Elizabeth and Peter who were likely at Joel and Tommy’s home. In her mind, all Y/N could picture was Joel coming home miserable to the children. If they knew how devastated she made their father, she was certain that they would hate her for tonight. Their father was everything to them. And she broke Joel’s heart. Instead of responding, a cry fell from her lips. Worried about her, Negan shook his head and motioned her to sit back down. “Stay here.”

“Negan,” she tried to call out to him after he had helped her back into the seat. There was some clanking coming from the kitchen. With him gone, she could focus on the warmth of the fire surrounding her. It was something her body needed as she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, pulling it close. Cuddling it closer to her body, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on anything other than how Joel sobbed because of her tonight. The sound of footsteps dragging across the floor was heard drawing her eyes to open. In her face was a mug that Negan was holding out to her. With an expecting glance, Negan nodded down toward it and cleared his throat. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Negan responded after she took the mug from him. Not drinking the warm liquid inside, she allowed the glass to warm her hands. That felt better than anything in the moment. Finally looking Negan over, she noticed that he was shirtless and he was in a pair of gray boxer briefs. His right knee had a compression sleeve over it that made her throat go dry. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“You’re limping and you’re wearing your brace,” she avoided his question, her eyes gazing him over with him glaring down at her. Folding his arms in front of his chest, Negan’s stare made her remember all over again what it was like when he would get upset with her when they were younger. Right now? She was more worried about him. “Does your knee hurt?”

“Yeah, after tearing my ACL it doesn’t feel all that good in the cold weather,” Negan responded lowering his head to stare down at the brace that his doctor gave him to wear to help him heal with his injury. “Now how about you start talking to me about what’s going on? Why did you almost kill yourself walking here like you did?”

“Because I deserve worse?” she was getting emotional with Negan’s features softening. That was the last thing she wanted from Negan right now. Empathy was not something she deserved after what she did tonight. “I did something really bad.”

“Listen,” Negan groaned out as he lowered down to his knees to kneel before her in the chair she was seated in. Even though he was trying to hide it, Negan winced when he got down onto his knees. Trying to hide the pain from her. “Whatever you did? It’s not worth you freezing to death.”

There were tears burning in her eyes when she lowered her head forcing herself not to look at him. He was so tender and caring with her that she knew it would be hard to even tell him what had happened. Lacking bravery, she swallowed down hard and felt her body trembling.

“Did you kill someone?” Negan inquired with a simple shrug of his shoulders. With how shaken up she was, Negan felt like he was going to have to guess what had happened. “The rental has a shovel. Fuck, if you tell me where the body is I can help you bury it.”

“Knock it off,” she snorted hating that she laughed at his suggestion. Staring down at the hot chocolate that he had made for her, she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt eating away at her. 

“Did someone hurt you?” Negan was quiet in the way that he asked her. By the tone of his voice, she knew that he was asking if someone assaulted her and she shook her head. If anything? She was the bad one for what she had done to Joel. “If someone hurt you, I’ll fucking kill them.”

“Negan,” she carefully set her mug aside, making sure that it wouldn’t spill before turning her attention back to Negan. Sliding forward in the chair, she shakily reached up to cup Negan’s face in her hands. Even though his face was warm, he didn’t turn away from her cold touch because he was too concerned for her. “You have always been perfect. And I haven’t.”

“I’m the furthest thing from perfect,” Negan breathed out, his long eyelashes fluttering to a close with her touching him. Turning his head into her palm, Negan deposited a kiss over the inside of her wrist which had her shuddering. “If you knew half of the bad shit about me, you probably wouldn’t be here right now. I’m not a good man.”

“I wouldn’t care what you’ve done,” she alerted him having his eyes lazily open with him staring out at her longingly. “You’ve always been my hero. The best part of me and I’ve let you down every time. I’ve hurt you so many times…”

“Hey…” Negan lifted up further with her crying harder, clear tension in his features from the pain that he was feeling in his knee but he was risking it to check on her. “What happened?”

“You’re not going to want to be around me after I tell you,” she insisted with a whimper knowing that what she had done tonight was a sure way to lose everything that she had just gained with Negan. It broke her heart to know, but what happened tonight happened. There was no avoiding it. He needed to know what she had done with Joel. Even though she considered what happened with Joel tonight a ‘goodbye’, it still happened when she was having the relationship that she had started with Negan. What hurt the most about this whole thing is that she slept with Joel knowing that she had a good thing going with Negan.

“Let me be the judge of that,” he suggested, tipping his head from side to side. Lifting up, he grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly. “I want us to be as honest as possible with each other. So just say whatever you need to say.”

“I came home from work tonight to see a peony, a dress and a note at the center of my bed,” she began, forcing herself to keep her eyes locked on Negan. Hearing that had the lines in Negan’s forehead becoming more visible. “The note told me to be ready by a certain time. That a car would pick me up…I thought it was you. It was just like something you would have done.”

“Okay,” Negan waited for more information, still stroking his fingers over the back of her hands.

“The car drove me to the high school and there were these signs that led to the planetarium. Another note told me to sit in the front row and the lights started up,” she recalled everything that happened knowing that she should have just blurted out what she did, but she was going into far more details than need be. “It was beautiful. I waited for you to come out, but then I realized it was Joel that did it.”

“Oh, I see where this is going,” Negan nodded his head about, biting down on his bottom lip. “It’s okay.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” she countered having Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. With a simple shake of his head, Negan exhaled loudly and she found herself surprised by his immediate response. “He did this really romantic speech about the first time he fell in love with me. And then he sang me this song…”

There were more tears growing from her eliciting a hushing sound from Negan who outstretched his hand to caress over the side of her face to sweep away the tears, “It’s okay. I understand. Joel is your ex-husband and I know you still love him. If you are back with him, I’ll just deal with it. I got to have you for a very short amount of time, but it was better than never having you.”

“Negan,” she frowned hating that he was being so polite about things. “We had something going and I slept with Joel…”

“What do you want me to say?” Negan’s face was scrunched up, his voice raspier than normal. “Do you want me to yell at you? Because we weren’t putting a label on whatever this was. I knew how you felt about Joel and…”

“I’m a bitch,” she snapped at Negan who snickered. Frustration flooded her veins with him drawing his tongue out across his bottom lip.

“And I’m an asshole,” Negan declared, slowly releasing her hands and throwing his arms up in the air. “So what? I can’t be mad at you for being in love with Joel. You were married to him for a long time and you’ve been in love with him for so much fucking longer. You don’t have to cry over the fact you’re back together with Joel. I’m gonna care about you regardless.”

“I’m not back together with Joel,” she sighed loudly, lifting her hands to wipe at her face again. There was no doubt that she looked terrible right now, but she didn’t care. “I broke his heart too. I think by allowing us to sleep together he thought I would give us another chance. I didn’t. We’re toxic together and I know that. I told him that. I told him that I only wanted to be friends with him.”

Arching his eyebrow in curiosity, Negan’s jaw clenched hearing her starting to cry harder, “I did to you what I did when we were younger. I fell for Joel’s lure he has on me again and I slept with him. I cheated on you.”

“You didn’t cheat on me when we weren’t officially dating,” Negan hinted shaking his head and dragging his fingers through his short beard. “I mean…if that’s the case, I cheated on you too.”

“You slept with someone else?” she was surprised to hear that having Negan’s head movements being incredibly dramatic. “Who?”

“I didn’t technically sleep with anyone. But I jerked off this morning thinking about Lucille,” Negan answered eliciting a groan and an eye roll from her. “I was in the shower, it was morning, my dick was hard. I jerked off thinking about her, so technically I cheated on you too if you’re counting sleeping with Joel as cheating.”

“You’re such a fucking liar,” she grumbled under her breath having Negan crack a big cheesy smile. She didn’t know what she was expecting from Negan, but it certainly wasn’t this. What she thought she deserved was to be treated like shit. Thrown out of the house and to never be contacted again. But instead? He was doing his best to make her smile. “It’s not at all the same thing.”

“I was imagining my fist was a pussy, so I mean…” Negan reasoned with her having her drop her head back against the chair in frustration. “A nice, tight, wet pussy.”

“You’re not helping this. You should be furious with me,” she snorted noticing that he was doing the motion of jerking off with his hand. With how big the gesture was it had her laughing out again. “Stop! You’re making me laugh.”

“I mean, it shouldn’t make you laugh. It’s that big,” Negan pointed to his hand smiling himself when she pushed his hand aside. “Come on. I don’t give a shit that you slept with Joel. I mean, I care. But I’ve been losing out to Joel my whole life. I’ve come to expect it. And we really didn’t make it official between the two of us,” Negan listed off the many reasons that he decided he couldn’t be mad at her. “If Lucille walked through that door and jumped me, I would crumble at the knee and have sex with her,” Negan considered what he said and he cleared his throat. “Then I’d have to consider the fact that I likely just had sex with a zombie, but I’d still hit it.”

“Jesus Negan,” she shoved into his shoulder having him snorting. Dropping back onto his ass, he stretched out his legs and braced his weight on his palms behind him on the floor. “You are everything I want. You’re everything I’ve longed for from Joel for years. You make me happy. You make me so fucking happy…”

“Then what’s the problem?” Negan stammered, his hazel eyes trying to figure out what was going on right now. There was so much going on inside of her head and Negan knew that she was torturing herself with her thoughts. “What is it you want Y/N?”

“You need to yell at me,” she demanded having Negan sigh loudly. “Yell at me. Get furious.”

“Why?” Negan wasn’t sure why that would help her in the position that she was in. “Is it going to help you to have me scream at you?”

“No, but it’s what I deserve. Because you are so fucking perfect,” she stressed, her words lingering a little long because of the way she was crying. “So please, just scream at me. Yell at me. Do something other than try to make me feel better.” 

“How fucking dare you,” Negan spoke in a fake, condescending tone. “Your ex-husband that you are still very much in love with did something romantic and you ended up sleeping with him because of it. I’m fucking furious with you.”

“Negan!” she hissed at him having Negan roll his eyes dramatically. Instead of being angry with her, he was giving her an excuse for what she did. That’s not what she wanted at all because she felt like a terrible person for all of this.

“I am so fucking mad at you!” Negan raised his voice, his face scrunching up. Once his features softened, he threw his right hand up and waited for her response. “Was that better? Did you like me yelling at you?”

“Not really,” she was honest hearing him laugh. Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan sighed and took a long pause to think about what he was going to say.

“If you wanted me to scream at you endlessly and have a fucking shit fit, I’m not gonna,” Negan declared pressing his right hand in over his chest. “I understand. I get being in love with someone. I am kinda fucking pissed at Joel for letting you leave looking like that though.”

“I broke his heart,” she replied back blowing off the idea that Joel did anything wrong. “He offered to drive me home, but I just shattered his soul by telling him that I don’t think we should be together and that we were only meant to be friends.”

Considering everything that had been laid out before him, Negan pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees, “So now what?”

“What do you mean?” she watched him uncomfortably expecting something so much different to be happening right now.

“I mean what now?” Negan repeated himself, but he could tell that she had a hard time understanding things. “Do you want to get back with Joel?”

“I can’t,” she answered with a loud swallow reaching for her hot chocolate since her hands started to get cold again. “Joel may think he wants to get back with me, but he doesn’t remember how sad and broken he was when we were together. I made him miserable. And he broke my heart. We’re not good together. We made two beautiful babies, we made a life with each other, but he broke it off four years ago. He had four years to show me that he felt this way, but he never did.”

“Do you want to stop having something with me?” Negan brought his finger to the middle of his chest pointing at himself. 

“You shouldn’t want to still have something with me,” she reminded him getting his nose to wrinkle up in irritation.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Negan stressed, patting his chest with his whole hand. “Do you still want to be with me?”

“I hurt you,” she reiterated what she had done having Negan mutter something under his breath. “What?”

“Do you like spending time with me?” Negan inquired noting the way her features softened. Nodding her head, she bit down on her bottom lip and looked away from him. There was that guilt again. “Do you like having sex with me?”

“Negan,” she frowned letting out a small laugh. Why did he have to make a serious situation so lighthearted by the way he acted and said things?

“Answer the questions,” Negan demanded, his voice stronger than he had been most of the night.

“Yes,” she didn’t know where this would get them. Thinking about her answer, Negan licked his lips and cleared his throat.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend? Officially?” Negan wondered having her lips part, surprised to hear that come from his mouth. “Because if you want to be my girlfriend, then that makes it official. Which means neither you nor I can fuck around on each other. It’s putting a label on it now so I can’t feel bad for the things before.”

“Why would you still want to be with me?” she blurt out, flustered that he would even be suggesting that idea.

“Because if you didn’t care about me, if you didn’t love me…you wouldn’t be here right now crying. You walked in the freezing cold through snow to punish yourself because you thought you hurt me,” Negan pointed in the direction of the front door where he found her when she showed up. “You’re here and you’re telling me the truth. And the fact that you did it has you devastated. Because you love me. Part of you still loves Joel and I understand that, but I fucking love you. I’ve always fucking loved you. Knowing that you’re honest with me? Fuck, that’s a big deal. Now if we agree to be official here and Joel pulls something, I can’t promise that I won’t punch him, but since we weren’t official before, I can’t make a big deal out of it.”

“You love me?” she focused on the words he had said having him smile. Groaning in pain, Negan adjusted his body and crawled back toward her to lay his head in her lap after she set the mug down again. Rubbing his head against her thigh had her exhaling loudly, her fingers shakily moving down to brush her fingers through his dark hair.

“It’s not obvious?” Negan stammered, his head lifting up with his eyes staring longingly into hers. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. That kinda love just doesn’t go away.”

Caressing down over the side of his face, she knew that she was getting even more emotional hearing him talking about loving her, “You told me that I make you happy. Well you? You make me so fucking happy. And I love spending time with you and the children. I understand that Joel is always gonna be in our lives. And I accept that.”

“I carry so much baggage,” she reminded him and he laughed.

“I carry crazy fans. Mental trauma. A bum fucking knee and a bad back. Occasionally some paparazzi and reporters,” Negan rambled off all the problems that he knew that came with being with him. “Being with me means that you have to share me with fans. I’ve had serious anger issues in the past. I swear like you can’t believe. I have the humor of a teenage boy. I make crazy amounts of dick jokes all the time. Like, I can’t help it. It’s dick and balls in this immature brain all the fucking time. I have a crazy sex drive where I’ll probably wanna have sex, a lot. I’ve been really romantic with you and I love making things romantic, but some days I’m the break your bed type of wild. I know I’ll get depressed when my career is finally over, but I’ll never take it out on you. I’ll just be…sad. Just like I’m sad about Lucille. I hide my emotions behind a fake smile all the time. So we’re the same. You and me? We’ve gone through so much shit. But I accept you. I want all of you. Broken heart and all. Cus’ you told me that I bring you joy. If I can do that for you from here on out. Then I consider that to be a success.”

“I don’t understand you,” she whimpered with Negan pressing his hands up over the arms of the chair to hover his lips in over hers.

“I don’t understand me either,” Negan agreed with her, a smile tugging at his handsome features drawing attention to his prominent dimples. “So what do you say? Do you wanna officially date me or not? Because either way I can accept your answer. Because either way I wanna still be in your life.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she claimed, her eyes full of awe for him.

“Then don’t,” Negan breathed out, slowly standing up with a pained sound. Motioning her to stand up, Negan sat down in the chair and then led her to sit in his lap. Wrapping her up in his arms, he got her comfortable enough so she was staring into his eyes. Palming over the side of her face, Negan shrugged his shoulders. “Just tell me if it’s not me that you want to be with. I’m a big boy. I’ll be able to handle it. I’d just like to give us…give this a real chance.”

After considering his offer, she nodded her head and let out a tremoring breath, “Yes.”

“Yes?” Negan was dramatic with the way he bobbed his head about.

“Yes, I want to give this a try,” she responded knowing that it made her a terrible person. Negan deserved better than her. And she knew that. Joel did too, but she knew what her heart longed for. Joel was someone she loved very much, but the way that Negan was? The way he made her feel? That was something she wanted from Joel for years. Yet it was Negan that it came naturally with. “If you’ll take me.”

“Of course I’ll take you,” Negan leaned forward to nuzzle his nose in against hers. “Is this where you expect me to pick you up and throw you in the fire for what you did?”

“That’s not even funny,” she snorted having his wicked laugh follow. “Negan.”

“If it wasn’t funny, why did you laugh?” Negan joked with her, tapping the tip of her nose with his pointer finger. “It was pretty funny.”

There seemed to be something that lingered in Y/N’s eyes when Negan tipped his head back, “What is it?”

“It’ll break Joel’s heart knowing that I still wanted to be with you after everything that he did today,” she thought aloud having Negan pull her in closer to him so she could get more comfortable. “I think it makes me a bad person for letting his hopes get up.”

“We’ll deal with it,” Negan frowned, wrapping his arm around her waist to make sure that she was safely in his lap as he adjusted his legs underneath her. “I’m not gonna fuck with Joel or rub his nose in it. Because that’s not right. But whatever comes our way? We’ll handle it in the best way we can.”

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[spideyanakin]

Okay, incredibly random but I had a vision about a reader either related to or working with the wizard and the characters finding out. This could totally be a headcannon too

the wizard and i (fiyero. t)

synopsis ➾ gn! wizard's child! reader, it wasn’t easy being the daughter of the infamous wizard of Oz. Especially when he is plotting things you don’t agree with, and leaves you in the darkness of his plans.

warnings ➾ angst, childhood traumas, threats, fluff, fiyero comforting reader

author's note ➾ took some creative liberties with this one, hope you like it!

fiyero masterlist

main masterlist

You had magic.

It wasn’t news, to you, to anyone.

Since the first day you stepped on the stone path ways of Shiz, Madame Morrible had already greeted you like an old friend.

Well she was.

Your god mother had never been one to reduce theatrics, and you had to practically beg for her to not make a show of you on your first day.

You were her protégée, but you knew it had all been pretenses the second Elphaba arrived. You’d assisted in teaching her the basics of magic, but you saw the glint in her eyes when she saw the rawness of Elphaba's powers.

You were powerful. True power that had been harnessed and practiced since you were a kid; but at the end of the day, even if you were raised with the idea of flourishing your powers, raised with the grimoire shoved on your lap by the age of three.

It did not mean you could read it.

And your father loathed you for it.

You knew history like the back of your hand. 13 ancient languages, made for the purpose of dark and light magic. You could recite almost every book written in the twelve others, but the darkest one, the one your father had tried to shove down your mind since you could even understand the concept of reading, never sunk through.

This was why you were sent to Shiz. Away from the Emerald city, away from him.

Your father was mad at you, disappointed. You were everything he ever wanted you to be, and yet you could not read that damned grimoire.

It wasn't ideal you were starting to ask questions too. You were grown now. An adult, not a child who did what they were told, and the more you put the pieces of your childhood together, the more you were realising what the whispers behind closed doors meant. You knew he knew, and you knew that the watchful eyes of Madame Morrible had been set on you like a hawk.

So two birds, one stone. He sent you away because he could not stand the sight of you, he sent you away because he couldn’t have you know of his plans for Oz. He sent you away because of the cracks you showed in his perfect vision of the perfect child.

So you made plans to disappear. The second you graduated, you would leave it all behind. Leave everything and everyone to live a life free of the judgment and the shackles he had tried to bestow upon you.

Fiyero has been weirdly understanding. He might not have known your past, but he knew what it was like to carry duties to a life you didn’t want. He knew what it was like to be a disappointment. Oz, he had created his whole carefree personality as a way to shield himself from the pain of it.

The two of you knew from then on that together you could build something. Be something. Away, from anyone who tried to tell you otherwise. And Fiyero has an abandoned castle waiting for him; a place far from all of this madness.

Your father would understand. Besides he had Elphaba now. At least that's what your godmother seemed to be writing and whispering about.

That she would be able to read it. That she would be able to fulfill his wishes. Now whether she would or not was a question for another time. You could not blame her for the admiration. She had been silenced her whole life, cast away as different.

And when she received the invitation to go to the Emerald city, you did not want to admit how painful it was. To know you had finally been replaced.

You watched, grasping at Fiyero's wrist as you watched Elphaba hold the letter from your father. The small air balloon, with the damned singing monkey fading back into the distance.

"May I speak with you?" Madame Morrible cleared her throat, looking down at you.

You turned your gaze away from Elphaba, eyes flickering to the crowd dispersing before they finally landed on her.

"In private," she stared down at Fiyero with her cold eyes, and all you could do was nod.

You followed her up the stairs, and down through an alleyway.

"I thought I told you to stay away from him, he's a bad influence."

"I thought father approved," your voice was dry, gaze fixed on the lilies floating atop the pond.

"Not since your grades began to drop," she came closer, until she was face to face with you.

Her long fingers placed themselves under your chin, forcing you to look at her, "you understand why you cannot accompany her to the Emerald city?"

"Yes."

Did you?

"He wishes to speak with her, alone."

"I know."

"He told me you’d get to see him soon, once affairs are in order."

Right.

"I understand."

You wanted to turn away, to leave. Take Fiyero by the hand, maybe drag him into the forest, kiss him silly before continuing to make plans about your future together.

But she had another plans.

She called your name, grabbing your arm with an iron claw before you could slip away.

"I know you think you understand things. Your father’s plans," your wrist was burning at the sensation of her hand, squeezing. It would leave a bruise. "But you need to keep your nose out of it, I could easily take you back to the city myself, and everything you know to disappear."

Her eyes were piercing, and a chill descended down your spine. Whether it was from her powers, or her stare alone, you couldn’t be sure.

You nodded. What else could you do?

"Good. Now go!"

You were frozen in place. Feet almost glued to the pavement. It took you a minute, maybe two to recollect your thoughts before you were ready to dash away from the school grounds.

You ran where your feet would take you.

You thought you heard someone call out to you, maybe Fiyero's voice in the background, but you couldn't think. Your heart ached, your mind was boiling, and you hadn't noticed the hot tear that tumbled across your cheek.

Hadn't noticed it until your back hit an oak tree by the river.

Was this how it was going to be from now on? Living in the fear of what your godmother would do if you dared open your mouth to anyone about your father's plotting?

Living in fear of what he might do?

Oz, you needed to leave. You couldn't wait to graduate and disappear behind the thick stone walls of Kiamo Ko, with only Fiyero to annoy you.

"Thought I'd find you here," Fiyero's voice made you jump, and you quickly wiped as many tears as you could with the back of your hand--but too late, he had already heard the sniffles.

He sat beside you, crystal blue eyes peering at you--trying to decipher what could have possibly made you feel that way.

He didn't say anything, hand reaching to caress your cheek, wiping away the last of your tears away.

"What's gotten you like this, darling?" His voice was soft through the forest, and his movements were gentle as he scooted closer, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

You sighed, melting against his side. Head falling upon his shoulder, and suddenly the whole pressure of the world melted away.

"Stupid things, really," you mumbled against him.

"I don't believe that for a second."

"My um, it's my dad."

"Oh," Fiyero's back straightened. You never talked about your family.

He knew your mom left, you had never known her. That you had grown up with your father but he had shipped you to Shiz the second you were of age; not far from his story if he was honest.

But he did not know much more.

"I don't know what he's planning, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Fiyero."

His eyebrows creased at your words, and he shifted his body to take a better look at you, "what do you mean?"

"Fiyero, you said once that nothing could come between us."

"Y/n, you're scaring me."

"My father's the wizard," you whispered, barely high enough for him to catch it, but he did.

He looked at you for what felt like hours, trying to decipher the truth in your features, and he found nothing more to grasp.

"What?"

So you explained everything to him. The years of learning magic with Madame Morrible, the years of training, all for you to be incapable of doing the one thing he wished you could do. The threats, the pain, the sizzling memories of screams over old parchment. The whispers, the animals, the conspiracies.

"I've got to warn Elphaba..." You finally finished, barely daring to look at him in the eyes. You were scared, terrified of how the information would affect his way of seeing you.

And when you finally dared to look up, you found nothing but love behind his eyes.

Soft eyes that gazed upon you as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him; and maybe you were.

You hadn't noticed your tears until his fingers came to brush them.

"Listen to me. As long as you have me, as long as were together, as long as your mine, nothing will ever happen to you."

[ausradfem]

Hot take but I wish there was a bit more discourse on here about the complex feelings one has intersecting their radical feminism with their attraction/subsequent interest in dating men. I think there's a lot of radfems on here who live lives that are completely absent of having to interact with men and be around men (and some who just don't seem to go outside much at all, lol) who will point the hard finger at anyone who dares to talk about their nigel, and claim that separatism is the ONLY way forward. Time and time again, we know this isn't true. I fully support movements like 4b! I think its valuable and imperative that women decenter men, have their own spaces, put women first, etc.

But we also ~live in a society~ and complete separatism is not only incredibly unrealistic to strive for, but it relies so heavily on moral purantism that many just find off putting as its unobtainable for them. What moral puranitsm doesn't factor in is that people fall in love! We have feelings! We're human! And if you're OSA that means you have the possibility of finding you feel a way about a man that's out of your control.

As someone pointed out in the comments, several radical feminists that we often all quote on here had husbands, boyfriends, life partners that were men. Were those men magically better than men non-feminists date? Probably not. They might possess a certain level of respect for women that a lot of men don't, because (let's be real) most men will simply not put up with a woman who has, and practices, radical feminist beliefs. I also believe there's a lot of young women on here who don't exactly practice what they preach, and on one hand may espouse many radical feminist views while never calling out their boyfriend when he uses slurs or says things that are misogynistic. But this isn't every radfem, and it's silly to lump every radfem on here into that category.

Maybe I should be more open about my OSA, and give some more nuanced views on it (especially as I come from a background of DV), but thats for another post in the near future.

Long story short I think we gotta be a bit more..... complex? When talking about radfems who continue to date and love men. It's a much more weighty, multi-facted topic than things like beauty standards, which were created as a direct tool of oppression, and serve no value to women's lives. Males often don't, but you'd be insane to say that no women get enjoyment and fulfilment out of loving men. Lastly, I think opening up discourse about staying strong in your radical feminism encourages standards!! I know I started putting up with a lot less crap from men the more I read into radical feminism. Simply saying "don't date men" doesn't teach other women how to appropriately navigate:

- standing up for one's self in a relationship

- accurately communicating your needs, and to hold men accountable when they aren't men

- being selective with who you date, what to look for and avoid

- how to recognise signs of abuse

- how to garner healthy sexuality and pleasure for yourself

- how to centre your pleasure and fulfilment sexually, emotionally and mentally.

I could go on, but it's late here and I think I've articulated my point alright enough (:

i’ve noticed that radfems with boyfriends have this unspoken belief that they just know how to pick men and therefore they feel better than women who end up with shitty men or that they could never be a woman on the news that just got murdered by her boyfriend/husband… girl just because you haven’t caught ur man watching porn doesn’t mean he’s a good guy. It’s another level of pathetic to be in a space where the actions of men and how they treat women is a very popular topic and then believe ur man is somehow different because you don’t want to be alone……i’m so sorry to the separatists that sit and watch this shit….

[leahsgf]

DISTANCE II - mcfoord

mcfoord x child!reader | sometimes things work out

read part one here

-

“i’ll figure something out, promise”

the irish woman smiled softly in response to her girlfriend’s words, but she knew deep down that it would be unlikely, as much as she’d love to believe it. flights from australia weren’t typically what you’d think of when you heard of last minute, impromptu plans - and caitlin still had her own international duties to carry out, being without a doubt a pivotal player for the matildas.

despite the call helping your mood massively, the hours and that days that followed it were even worse than before, you demanding to ‘see mumma’ constantly, and simply not understanding the concept of sleeping, or time difference.

-

after about four days of little to no sleep, it’s safe to say you were both pretty close to losing it.

katie had spent most of the evening busying herself with packing for the next days’ training, making the absolute most of you finally being somewhat content for a brief moment - finding much joy in scribbling in your colouring pad, and also trying to distract her mind from spiralling ever so slightly.

she was incredibly worried about you, but alongside that was just simply exhausted. you hadn’t slept properly the entire time you’d been stuck in this hotel, and if you had it was flat on top of her (almost directly on her face, making it impossible for her to rest even for a second)

and when you were awake you were miserable, crying or throwing a fit over things you never usually did - like her putting socks on you, or even just looking at you ‘in the wrong way.’

above all else, she missed caitlin, more than anything. arguably even more than you - it just wasn’t socially acceptable for a twenty nine year old woman to kick and scream over not wanting to put a shirt on because of how much she did.

she struggled with long distance usually anyway, being a major home body - and you were typically her distraction, though right now you were quite the opposite.

and as much as the facetime calls helped you both, hanging up just brought her back to reality, and made her feel even sadder than before.

a sharp knock at the door broke her from her train of sorrows thoughts, standing to answer it with a sigh, assuming it would be a teammate wanting to talk over tactics, or even better, some kind of god coming to save the day.

turns out, she wasn’t too far from right.

“here sweetheart, i’ll be right back, kay?” she murmured softly, ruffling your hair and wrapping you in a blanket, figuring that you should probably be covered than more than just a nappy in front of whatever unsuspecting visitor was on the other side of the door.

when she opened it however, she realised that she was in fact the unsuspecting one, freezing in shock.

“what the fu- cait?” she gasped, her eyes widening.

“surprise?” the australian grinned in response, suitcase stood next to her. “spoke to the staff and managed to sort things out so i could catch the next flight to you. they can do without me for some friendlies” she shrugged, chuckling softly as she’s pulled into her girlfriend’s arms.

“you, caitlin foord, are unbelievable” katie breathed in pure relief, her body physically relaxing, almost slumping into her hold.

“now, where’s my little monster then?” caitlin broke the moment of silence, peeking over the brunette’s shoulder.

katie stepped aside in response, chuckling in disbelief, gesturing inside and in the direction of the bed. “go see for yourself.”

you were so invested in your colouring, and being grumpy - your back facing the door, that you didn’t notice her entering.

“hey pudding” she spoke, so softly it was almost a whisper, but your head snapped up as if she had shouted.

“mumma”

caitlin opened her arms just in enough time for you to launch yourself off the bed and into them, with an alarming amount of strength for a toddler. you clung to her like a koala, burying your face in her neck and letting out a string of happy squeals and babbles - being by far the happiest katie had seen you in days.

“you came back!” you said, voice muffled against her shoulder - your speech still being at the stage where it was just about understandable, but your two mothers understanding you perfectly every time.

“of course i did silly girl” she tickled you, kissing the top of your head softly. “i missed you, my baby”

katie leaned against the wall, still by the door, watching the two of you, her girls, with a loving smile, the weight she’d been carrying for days finally beginning to lift.

the night drew in with the three of you curled up in the duvet of the hotel bed that had been the centre of all the weeks chaos - you nestled snugly in between your parents, having crashed out almost immediately after the initial excitement wore off.

katie and caitlin exchanged a look over your head, a silent agreement that nothing - no crazy schedules, no distance, would ever keep their little family apart like that for too long, ever again.

-

i have indeed not proof read this as i just got back from work and promised you all an update….enjoy

[zhniven]

I marathoned the Senna series and... Damn I honestly liked it? I mean this series... It's like a whole au idk because Prost is more confident than in reality but in a good way, he smiles a lot, laughs, jokes and he's like less depressed. And Ayrton is more mature, he still has selfish mentality ofc but not that he's a total nut case. But

But

They totally erased Elio. They didn't even mentioned his death just like... Elio didn't exist. And I still feel terrible and I thought I'll throw up because of how... How horrible it is. Just cutting out De Angelis like nothing ever happened. They mentioned him in Monaco 84, and a little bit in Portugal 85 but only by surname. And then series just skipped from Portugal 85 to the end of 86 season. And even at the ceremony noone mentioned that Elio has died. Not in the slightest. I felt seek

Still there's a lot of good stuff and as Prost fan I was pleased. Yeah they fucked up some things but you know, it wouldn't be series about Senna without trying to paint Prost as an asshole. BUT the main idea suddenly was that it's Ron's fault that he didn't try to fix, thinking that nah they'll be good. And the main villain is Jean-Marie. So yes I was happy cause YESSSS HATING ON FIA LET'S GOOO. ALSO Alain in series wasn't happy about being Balestre's favourite he was really anxious and nervous every time like "yeah yeah fuck off plz...."

And SPOILER

In Imola 94 Alain and Ayrton in the series were talking about Gilles crash??? Hello??? They literally shared traumatic experience with eachother?? AND they were talking about it just like normal people. They both less mentally ill in this show lol I liked it. And also..

THIS. THIS..LOOK AT THEM. ALAIN IS SMILING!!! AND SENNA CALLED HIM "MY DEAR, DEAR FRIEND ALAIN" AUGHHHH

That's all thanks for reading I'll be thinking about this for the next months. Senna documentary sucked so fucking hard, but this. This was incredible

[huaidanta]

Analysis: Why I think Fuuta was actually wrong to make his post about the university professor in Bring It On

[Originally a Twitter thread so it may read a bit clunky]

I've been thinking a lot about this sort of belief that Fuuta only really went wrong in the case of Miss Magic/Killcheroy and it got me to consider the other targets in Bring It On.

In particular, I was curious about how people viewed the second case (Rypirotes). Compared to the other subjects, this one had a clear victim and a much more serious offense. The university professor committed sexual harassment which definitely calls for some sort of action.

I made a Twitter poll asking if Fuuta was justified in making his tweet outting the university professor for sexual harassment and the overwhelming majority (78.4%) said yes.

However, I don't agree with Fuuta making the post and I'll explain why:

Fuuta taking a photo of the scene is represented by 3 different texts appearing in front of him. "SHUTTER", "chance", and "盗撮".

Wait... "chance"? To me, "chance" makes it sound like Fuuta sees this as an opportunity, rather than as something genuinely horrible.

Even worse, the kanji that appears here is specifically used to describe non-consensual photography like upskirt shots and peeping photos. They've directly correlated Fuuta taking a photo of the situation as something perverse and violating.

Like... just think about it. Fuuta took a photo of a woman in an incredibly vulnerable situation and put it on the internet for everyone to look at, without ever getting her consent.

As a man, Fuuta has more social power to directly intervene and stop the harassment... We also know he's a coward. Even so, couldn't he have tried reporting it to other authorities at the university? Or at least checked to see if that woman was okay?

We can infer that Fuuta never directly did anything because he was walking the university hallways at 12:25, witnessed the scene and left (we see him leave!!), made a tweet at 12:46, posted the photo at 12:58, and was checking the post at 15:01 (?) from his seat in class.

In his post, Fuuta asks for the others to report this to the university. Why didn't Fuuta do it himself?

Instead, one of the first things he does is tweet "I found a bad guy". He isn't horrified this is happening, he's EXCITED that he gets to broadcast it.

Fuuta and the repliers don't actually care about the wellbeing of the woman. No one expresses real concern for her, they just want a bad guy to take down.

As Es says in Fuuta's T2 VD, this is a game—entertainment—to them.

I also want to point out this comment in particular, because it shows that Fuuta didn't even blur her face out!!!

There's an irony in that by publicly calling out the professor for violating a woman's boundaries and consent, Fuuta's violated those very same things.

It's the only "fight" in Bring It On with a real tangible victim but she's treated as insignificant.

In conclusion, I don't think Fuuta was right to make that post because he never bothered to truly help the victim. The post only further violated her boundaries to serve Fuuta's own selfish interests.

It's easy to get swept up in the desire for retribution and miss that there are real people that were—and continue to be—hurt.

(MV text translations are from Rochisama)

[rambles-on-dragon-age]

The Veil Jumpers were founded by the Dalish but the Dalish aren't their only members. Did you skim past the literal intro to the Veil Jumpers when you were making your character? Arlathan Forest is riddled with reality warping magic and it's incredibly dangerous. They know it's incredibly dangerous and they risk their lives being there and exploring. There are still deeply mistrustful Dalish clans in the area re: the ones being massacred by the Evanuris that escaped that they're trying to help, that's just not the faction we meet. And if you forget, it is crawling with Tevinter Agents (the Venatori) as we have to fight them constantly.

I suggest you play the intro again because they don't meet Bellara and then walk into the bubble; they have already been in the bubble by time they meet Bellara. That's why her intro speech includes "hey, would love to go back with you to Veil Jumper camp, but we can't leave the bubble. Can walk in, cannot walk out. We are stuck." You comment on the funny fog you're walking through before you find her which is the "shell" of the bubble. You are already trapped in there with her, the resident expert, and probably only person that can free you. She has the upper hand in every respect and she knows it; she's just also, as a character, very open and curious and trusting through the rest of the game. You think it would be "more interesting" for her to act out of character and like she's still in a Dalish clan and doesn't like anyone she meets. You're projecting your personal desires at a character and situation that doesn't fit them. That's not the writer's fault, that's on you that you think all Dalish need to act the same. Then again, that gives you purchase to write all the fic you want to rewrite the scenes for your enjoyment.

Also, what proof would they give that they're from the Veil Jumpers besides the inside knowledge that Strife sent them (the name of their leader) because she's the best at elven magic (she is)? That stuff's probably not things that a massacring Venatori crew much cares about. Like what, a lil note from Strife that says "They're not evil." "Hey they're cool." "Trust me bro." or like a hall pass/badge that they give to their newest outsider friends? Arlathan forest has been long picked through of the best stuff and treasure hunters; what's left is incredibly dangerous and the Tevinter gits that try to steal it usually die in the process. Being a Veil Jumper is dangerous after all and the forest doing things it shouldn't is why the Veil Jumpers were founded.

And yes, you are missing the context. 10 years of in-world context apparently. Dragon Age is a mixed media franchise. There's an anthology of short stories, Tevinter Nights, that set up some of the factions and some of our companions and NPC friends and a four volume comic series, The Missing Collection, that details some of Varric and Harding's adventures before picking up Rook (that they picked up cause The Missing makes it obvious that Solas knows them too well and they need a new person that would throw him for a loop). You don't even have to buy them if you can't, you can find where people reupload them for free and share the download link. You can also read the wiki page and get a quick synopsis of each story instead if that's too much work. It'll give you a pretty good idea of the big themes and actions, though you'll miss the good little details. Dragon Age has never contained all of the story in the games. (see, setting up Celene and Briala and meeting Felassan in The Masked Empire or the fact that it's Fiona that's Alistair's mom and Duncan's old friend in The Calling.) Ruins of Reality (free as part of the Dragon Age Day celebration) shows Strife and Irelin getting involved with some of that dangerous awakening magic in Arlathan forest and can be safely viewed as a precursor to why they founded the Veil Jumpers. Between that short story and The Missing is when the group is founded.

But skipping all of that, we learned at the end of Trespasser that Solas was out in the world and has spent 10 years freeing slaves and spreading the news of his self and what he's working towards. He tells the Inquisitor much of the same information he's going to share with others when they catch up to him at the end of the game. Strife and Irelin are the ones that tell you the Evanuris were bad news when you meet them (Rook: OH joy I thought Solas was lying); safe to say, that means it's more likely to be common knowledge now between Solas and Morrigan running around then not. Bellara felt the fuckening happening with the Veil and the magic all starting back up again; it's an easy to accept explanation that that fuckening and the sky getting all weird a few days ago was Solas's ritual that went wrong and the gods busting out of their prison. Gods that they already know are bad news.

You're upset that the faction that welcomes anyone into their ranks with a common goal isn't acting like a Dalish clan when they are not a Dalish clan. It's not shallow writing, it's you getting an idea in your head of how you wanted their meeting to be and then calling it shallow writing.

We do, actually, see slavery in the slavery capital. Even though Neve tells us to our face in no uncertain terms that we are in the poorest part of the city and people here can't afford to have slaves. We walk through multiple homeless camps. There are people in cages and chains down by the docks. You have a mission to kill mercenaries capturing people to sell as slaves. You need to clean up the Blight in that tunnel under the Shadow Dragon hideout because that's a path they use to get slaves out of the city. There's notes about their other escape paths crumbling and needing work so they can keep going. "There's no slavery in Minrathous!!" you walked into a closet and asked why there's no toilet in this bathroom. There was slavery in Minrathous; they just didn't take us to the rich part of town and rub our faces in it to make sure people wouldn't miss it.

The Crows are putting on their best face to their new ally cause they would really really like help with their occupation problem. Crow!Rook and Lucanis have banters about how deadly and grueling and cruel their training was. Lucanis is the last of his family because of infighting slaughtering the rest. Illario straight sold him out to a blood mage, kills that blood mage before she can snitch, and then sells out the other crows and kidnaps/fakes the murder of his grandmother just because he wants to be first crow. There's more, I'm just not hunting it down. Someone else already compiled a post about all the banters showing the Crows are still a bloody problem. Again, the game didn't rub our faces in it so it's magically not there? It's there, it's just not in the limelight right now because of the whole "escaped gods trying to destroy the world" thing happening.

The factions themselves don't even interact until the final battle and only if you've helped them all. And things are kind of cut to the bone by then; it's do or die on a global scale. The cultural conflict does happen between your hired coworkers though. It's mostly in banter so you have to take the time to get to it (like most of the best details in these games tbh) but again not rubbing our faces in it doesn't mean it wasn't in the game.

Not everyone is super devout to their religion in real life either; we are in the North of Thedas instead of the South. Dorian never seemed as religious as the others, either. In fact he thinks they're going to think he's influencing you in terrible ways Inquisitor. Tevinter has never sounded as religious as the South seems and the South is where we've been. (Exluding Kirkwall, but they are operating like the Southern Chantry so it's safe to lump them in with Southern Chantry Behaviors.) How do you expect the writers to shoehorn the Black Divine into the game? Like, where would it have been appropriate? What would the Black Divine have to do with the little people and back alley factions we're working with here outside the Mourn Watch? Tevinter has long established that their Chantry is basically a figurehead and that the Magisterium is the ones that have the real power and do all the actual "work". We don't have any devout Chantry employed people like we have in past games, either, for them to bring it up and talk about it. *EDITING TO ADD A CORRECTION* It's no longer kind of hinted by conversations and codex entries, The Viper/Ashur is the Black Divine. We literally met the Black Divine and didn't even know it because they don't advertise it. Makes sense cause like if that's common knowledge then he'd probably be assassinated. But this man literally looked at the Magisterium, realized it was failing the people, and started an organization with one he could trust after they were stripped of their title to take direct action. Why couldn't he just give orders and do that as the Divine? Because as Divine he doesn't have political power here. Like. It was right there. He is actively among the little people as himself because his political self as Divine was powerless.

How would you expect them to arbitrarily shove in and retread the exact same stuff for a fourth time? EA set them up for an impossible task, repeatedly hamstrung them and their team, and they still produced a good game.

It felt shallow to you but it also sounds like you barely scratched the surface and didn't really bother taking the time to thoroughly explore what the game offered because you were so offended it wasn't what you, personally, wanted out of it. Which is fine, just say it's a bad game. But absolutely flying past what the game does have while you insist it doesn't have those very things?

a really cool part about dragon age veilguard is the first scene where you meet bellara, especially if you're a shadowdragon mage and you have neve with you

so to set the scene: bellara, the dalish elf who's devoted her life to the conservation, discovery and protection of her people's lost and ancient history, meets two strangers, two tevinter mages, in sacred arlathan. They tell her, hey your gods are back in the world but also they suck and we gotta kill them, and instead of telling them "fuck off you vile enslaving shem, you defile this land with your presence" like most normal dalish, not only does she instantly believe them that her gods are bad for some reason, they're back among the people and need to be stopped, she also happily starts telling them all kinds of secrets and valuable knowledge about ancient elven magic and is even so kind to, without question, take them on a grand tour of this very historically important and sacred ruin in arlathan to find a truly priceless artifact, a one of a kind archive of ancient elven knowledge thought lost forever, because really, what could these unknown tevinter mages possible want with that!

...

are these writers smoking crack?? is that it? theyre smoking crack??

[psychics4unet]

PAC: 💌 A Letter From Your Future Spouse ✨💕

I put a lot of effort into this reading, so please show some love by leaving comments, likes, reblogs, and follow me! ❤️💬✨

Paid psychic reading (7 questions for just $7) is available here:

Pile 1: Ace of Cups 🌊, Temperance 🌈, Page of Pentacles 🌱

Dear Love,

From the moment I saw you, I knew you were someone special. Your heart, so full of love and kindness (Ace of Cups 🌊), drew me in. I adore your ability to stay balanced, patient, and calm even when things get tough (Temperance 🌈). Your drive to grow and learn inspires me every single day (Page of Pentacles 🌱).

Together, you and I will build a life full of harmony, love, and endless possibilities. I can’t wait to walk this journey with you, hand in hand. ����✨

Pile 2: The World 🌍, King of Wands 🔥, Six of Cups 🌸

My Dearest,

You are my world (The World 🌍). I admire your fiery passion and strength; you light up every room you enter (King of Wands 🔥). There’s something so nostalgic and familiar about you, like a piece of my soul I’ve known forever (Six of Cups 🌸).

Every day with you feels like coming home. I am endlessly grateful for the adventure, joy, and love we share. You’re my heart’s greatest treasure. 💖

Pile 3: Queen of Swords 🗡️, The Star 🌟, Knight of Cups 🌺

Beloved,

Your mind captivates me. I love your intelligence and how you speak your truth with clarity and grace (Queen of Swords 🗡️). You give me hope and light up my darkest days with your incredible optimism (The Star 🌟). Your romantic soul and the way you wear your heart on your sleeve make me fall for you more each day (Knight of Cups 🌺).

Thank you for being my dream come true. You’re the one I’ve always wished for, and I can’t wait to cherish every moment with you. 💕✨

Love this post? Spread the positive vibes by reblogging with your favorite pile number! Remember to like, comment, and follow me for more tarot insights and spiritual guidance. By sharing this post, you'll invite positive energy from the universe into your life. Let's journey together towards enlightenment and fulfillment!

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[theallianceofcelestials]

Okay, so apparently people have been harassing Kat, Earth's VA because they... don't like the characters she plays and how she writes for the show? The actual fuck?

Like don't get me wrong, perfectly fine to look at a character and decide you don't like them, even hate them potentially, but you don't go and harass the people responsible for making the character. That's just plain dumb. I hate/dislike characters from some of the shows (Bonnie from Moon and Sun Minecraft for example), but that doesn't give me the right to go and harass their VAs. BECAUSE IT'S JUST A CHARACTER FOR A SILLY LITTLE SHOW PEOPLE MAKE FOR FREE! IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS! Sure I may rant about the character, but NEVER badmouth the actor, because them being able to achieve such a visceral reaction out of me by just looking at the character, makes them so incredibly talented.

Like how can you be so fucking terminally online, that you decide to harass someone because "I Don't LiKe ThE chaRacTeR"?! Like that's no valid reason to do that! Go and touch some god fucking grass, my god! I swear it's actually good for you!

Like this is just straight up disgusting behaviour in general. It's unacceptable, and shows just how much of a coward these people actually are, because there're no consequences for THEM. And well, they clearly don't fucking care about their fellow human beings, so like jfc.

And like the shit Kat does is for FREE! She doesn't charge us money for her services! She just went and did some amazing stuff for us, and now some idiots're feeling butthurt because they hate female characters or something.

I sincerely hope it was only a couple of individuals at worst, and a single person at best, because my faith in humanity is already rather fragile, and this is just ridiculous and pathetic.

So like, if by some miracle the person/people who harassed Kat is/are reading this, I want you to know this says more about to how sad and pathetic you actually are, and how you peaked back on the playground as a bully and didn't manage to develop into an actual fucking person, than it does anything about Kat. I hope you realise just how stupid you are, but I know you likely won't. Because people like you lack brains, so you can't comprehend basic fucking concepts like how the sky is blue, and 2 + 2 is 4. Or how grass is not your fucking enemy.

This isn't about just just Kat, because from what I've heard, other female characters' actresses get similar bs, and their characters get tremendous ammount of hate compared to male characters that potentially did incredibly horrid stuff, but I don't really follow the other TSBS to know what's going on. But my gods. That's so disappointing.

Why are fandoms nowadays so toxic? Back in my day, and I'm not that old myself either, and joined fandoms later than most people in said fandoms, since I'm a not native english speaker, but back in the day fandoms were so much more positive. Sure, there was the toxic minority, but they were just that. Loud small group of jerks. Like when did we start catering to these people? When did we decide that these toxic people were whom we should listen to, and explain every little thing we do to them? Like why do I have to explain why I like villian characters or whatever to internet strangers? I think people are more than smart enough to realise morality should not be taken from media!

And when did fanart and fanfic start becoming expectation, something the fanfic writer has to do, the fanart artist has to do? Instead it being the expression of joy and feelings the consumed media gave them? When did shipping become life or death? When did a headcanon or an AU become so fucking serious that lives apparently depend on it with how people jump eachother? Why can't we just relax and have fun? Like do what fandom is meant for?

This is obviously not for the people who didn't do any of this shit, but the fact I need to clarify that or someone will get offended is disheartening. Like people please deal with your anxieties! If it's not your shirt, don't put it on as a saying in my native tongue goes!

Sorry for the angry rant, it's just so disappointing, especially because Kat is such a talented person! I really enjoy how she plays these characters and I love her writing! So I thank her for deciding to not just quit altogether, no matter how understandable that would have been! I hope stepping back will make things better!

I just hope her mental health doesn't have to suffer more, because this shouldn't have happened to her in the first place. She's been doing amazing work, for free I'll say once again, and I'll forever cherish it! I hope things get better for her!

If by some miracle this reaches Kat, thank you for sticking with us for as long as you have! I hope things'll get better for you! Take care of yourself! :)

[eliotlime]

November update post thing

Drawing of me watching short-form video content without sound vs one where I am lol

If you use short-form video platforms of any kind and would like to help me with my survey you can do so here! Though I'll probably be closing it sometime next week (2nd November 2024 ish) to collate the data for submission.

I've got a metric tonne of deadlines due next week but you know what it's blog update time!!

This is also not going to be scheduled to post because I usually write these on the 29th but I forgot! So it's getting posted now!!

💀 School..

Yeap as I've said I'm in school so that's still in progress, I have completely no idea what I'm doing everyday and as it turns out no time to worry about it either I got deadlines baby!!!

I mean in theory I understand but it's all a big question mark to me, like i need to be reassured like a nervous dog that I'm doing the right thing and what not

And because of that I'm real sorry about pushing the Abacelsus zine to the back burner, I actually got quite a lot of it done before I had to lock in for school of course.

And though I said I had a lot of sketches I didn't post well they were shittier than I liked them to be so I wanted to make it look nicer. Oh well dems the breaks.

Another screenie of my school work, they didn't really go into depth about how to specifically design stuff so it's basically me frankenstien-ing stuff I've seen existing and just trying my best lol

I mean.. overall it's funnnn... i guess... I do like projects but everyone in my class are adults with established jobs or goals. Even those who are around my age seem to know what they're aiming for too, feels like I'm an unemployed little sucker fumbling in the dark. Can be humiliating I won't lie, why is learning something new so embarrassing?

Aside from that I'm seeing people be so social online while studying too and it's almost mesmerizing, it's definitely survivor bias but those that can balance it are fascinating to me.

📖Anthology Update

Agh enough of that debbie downer bullshit, I'll tell you what I've also got due next week! That's right!! The drafts for my anthology!

Screenie of one of the panels I posted onto my ko-fi discord!

I'm not even half way done and it's due on the 6th of December. I'm beyond FUCKED. Anyway I can get it done by then but the school shit is sucking the life out of me through my ears.

☕ Ko-Fi Page

Deadlines aside I've also randomly launched my Ko-fi Membership page! I haven't quite had the time to properly promote it but it's there and I've been updating it every so often

I've got stuff up there already and comics of things that aren't polished (or sfw) enough for me to post. Especially if you're interested in my characters and would like to support me, here's a good hub to check all of it out!

The Ko-fi Discord updates the most frequently, basically every time I draw anything (Which is quite often!). The actual ko-fi gallery is only being updated every week to prevent spam.

Shout out to my one ko-fi member, wormfriend. Right now it's quite funny to have just the one but I definitely would like more so plz join!!! I promise I draw a lot!!!

🌯 Wrapping it up...

That's all I've got for you this month, real grind-y and uneventful but hey some moths are like that. I talked about opening my commissions again in December and I intend to keep that promise but as of yet the first week is not looking too hot haha. I'll consider it on the 7th but whuff it's real packed right now!

I don't have really anything else to say or add that isn't either

a) incredibly negative and self deprecating

or

b) cussing the shit out of disrespectful transphobic anonymous asks I've been getting

so I'm just going to end this hastily written blog update here and get back to work!

I leave you with this cool down drawing of a honda civic and my attempts at a motorcycle that can also hover in the air.

As always thank you so much for reading and I've been so busy I haven't even had time to work on my annual redraw that's been sitting in my folders gah! If you’d like to support me, here’s my ko-fi page again and my itchi.io & gumroad as well.

If you have any questions or just generally want to talk to me, my DMs and askbox is always open! Any professional enquires can be sent towards my email as well: eliotlime@gmail.com

XOXO, Stay weird!

-Eliot :)