#but like! it doesn’t matter! pay me!
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if my boss is tired of me telling her about all the overtime i’ve been having to do these past few weeks then imagine how tired i am as the person who’s been having to actually do all of it
#el talks#i’ve got to let her know about it if i want to get paid for it and Oh Boy Do I Want To Be Paid#i am in dire need of money right now my rent just went up#she hasn’t said that she’s tired of me telling her about it but i can sense the vibes through the phone gkskdjdj#but like! it doesn’t matter! pay me!#i started early today (and i’m not actually going to quibble over five minutes) but then was asked to stay half an hour late#which inevitably turned into forty minutes because a bunch of parents showed up later than expected#i am so fucking tired!!!!! pay me!!!!!!!
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they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didn’t in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr
#I am only a girl living in a society#I make connections#she looks so pretty in blue though I want more#also you’re telling me that rhaenyra saw her walk in all cute looking to not completely crumble at the sight of her?#like my girl got all dolled up for you do something#rhaenyra IS a puppy dog when it comes to those bambi eyes shut up#Alicent was like you think you want her? I’m the love of your life you moron#and rhaenyra is like I KNOW#like she’s been trying to get the other woman to realize that very thing for the last 15+ years#and alicent’s all heartbroken like oh so you’re taking her to wife#and rhaenyra is like nO? WHAT?? all dumb and speechless cause jealous alicent was definitely not on her bingo card this year#whilst also having her own mental breakdown#because how on earth is she meant to explain this to her councel#or jace for that matter#that sure was goint to be a fun future conversation to have with her heir#but also Alicent just strutted into the room and started acting like a scorned wife?#which left rhaenyra feeling like the asshole parent who stopped paying for child support after the divorce#but also she never wanted a divorce in the first place?? and alicent doesn’t seem to get this?#like she’s already figuring out how to most efficiently empty daemon’s chambers for the woman to move in permanently#but alicent’s still yapping off about not having a place in court anymore and fleeing across the sea#and rhaenyra can’t help the bitter taste in her mouth as she states how that ship came in a little too late for them and it is messyyyy#hotd leaks#house of the dragon leaks#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon#house of the dragon spoilers#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#bridgerton
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HYUNJIN 📍ATE PRESS CONFERENCE
#hyunjin#skz#stray kids#press pics#ohmy why does he look like he plays games at the rich people casino#probably had to pay 20k to get in or smth#but he’s the best at winning so it doesn’t matter#CASINO ROYALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#my god…!!!!!!!!!!!!!#can u throw me on the table like money 😮
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I think one of the weirdest thing to me about Helluva Boss is how they keep proving that Striker is right but at the same time they refuse to let Striker himself be right.
Someone on twitter pointed out that in Oops Striker talks about it being an embarrassment to imp kind that Fizz is a purse-dog to his over-bloated master, and then, while Striker might’ve been referring to Ozzie (although the use of over-bloated makes me wonder if he truly meant Mammon), the entirety of the next episode is all about Fizz saying fuck you to Mammon (his master) and quitting his job because he doesn’t wanna be exploited or abused anymore.
And this just reminded me how in the first season they had Striker say to Blitz “Starting with the one that treats you like a plaything.” about Stolas’ treatment towards him in Harvest Moon and then in Truth Seekers (the next episode) they literally had Stolas say “Who dare threaten my impish little plaything.”
I don’t know if this parallel is on purpose but that’s twice now where in back to back episodes in each season Striker has a made a point about the hierarchy in his episode and then the following episode goes out of its way to prove his point.
I just think it’s odd how they prove that he is right in other character’s storylines but in Striker’s own storyline he’s like not allowed to have a win despite everything around him saying he should.
#idk i just have a lot of thoughts about the way striker’s story is handled#ik it probably doesn’t matter bc he’s a villain in the narrative#but I think he’s so interesting okay😭#i just feel like striker being a villain shouldn’t negate that he IS right#but also bc he is a villain people don’t pay attention to his dialogue and won’t notice these things#like I swear no one listened to anything he said in western energy despite him saying sm about his struggles#drives me up the walllllll#why couldn’t i be obsessed with a main character#noo the cowboy had to catch my attention#we strugging out here striker nation LMAO#helluva boss#helluva boss striker#striker helluva boss#helluva boss fizzarolli#helluva boss blitz#helluva boss blitzo#helluva boss stolas
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being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!
#nu carnival#yakumo ♡#you could not pay me to ramble this extensively about anything else#but yakumo’s trauma?? his childhood?? his growth?? his fears and insecurities and how they affect his current relationships??#his abandonment issues and jealousy and darker desires???#and how he’s so scared he’ll hurt others even though it’s far more likely he’ll be the one getting hurt??#how he’s not violent or scary at all but after years and years he’s been conditioned to think he is??#the significance of his relationship with eiden??#the significance of his ‘platonic’ relationships with the other clan members??#how important his grandparents were in raising him??#how his desperate want to hide his serpentine features and be ‘normal’ is a perfect allegory for autism??#the fact that he’s been treated horribly in the past and yet still chooses every day to be kind??#how he probably definitely has bpd??#the burden he has to carry just because of who his ancestor is??#the fact that it almost seems like what he does doesn’t matter because the actions of his ancestor will always be looming over him??#how he’s been hurt so many times both physically and emotionally and yet his heart is still so open to loving others??#how he has a tendency to push down his traumatic memories until he thinks they no longer affect him??#and how even when he’s suffering because of that trauma he would still rather suffer alone than bother someone and tell them??#how slowly but surely he’s unlearning all of the harmful ideas burned into him since his was a child??#and how he’s learning that people do love and care about him and he’s not a burden and he deserves love and care??#and that the serpentine traits he tries so desperately to hide aren’t as disgusting as he was meant to believe??#that his dark desires don’t define or control him and that it’s okay that he has them??#that just because he has them at all doesn’t make him a bad person???#why he makes soup for his loved ones so much!!!! yes that is important actually#i will sit and write about that for hours and hours for FREE#my favourite fictional character of all time he’s so so real#he’s so well written and his trauma and growth are handled with such care and consideration
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look at the way i ride ~
#lyss.vent#been feeling very much on the edge lately#of what? i’m not really sure#a classic Meltdown ™ maybe#i have a therapist i talk to weekly now and that’s been a huge help fs#but it’s still like#my boat has a hole#too many to count actually#i’m constantly dumping out the water but it doesn’t matter yk?#i’m still sinking#there are so many things i should be thankful for#friends and family that care about me#i have hobbies that i enjoy#a good consistent job that pays well#i’m working 40 hrs a week and making enough to save monthly#this is what it means to be successful right ?#i should be happy…i have everything i need…#yet i feel rundown and empty#i’ve also realized that there are horrible ugly things that still live deep inside my bones#why do i blame myself for them when i was just there? when i was the victim?#i’m the only one who can save myself from it all so why can’t i?#what’s even worse is that i have to watch from the sidelines while life single-handedly fucks up my loved ones too#i’m so powerless in all aspects of my life#everything’s out of my control#and it hurts so much :(((#tbh old me would’ve given up by now but that dumb bitch isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore#she’s just along for the ride now but she won’t give me the aux#tho new me is stubborn and has something to prove so i’ll keep driving :3 vroom vroommm#i’ll play my own music soon#i love queue ☆〜(ゝ。∂)
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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$24 piercings at this place on yonge. Guys is $24 too little to pay for an eyebrow piercing like should i even trust them…
#doesn’t matter i’m gonna do it. all these other fancy places are like ohhh we have trained professionals & accept 16 y/o’s without parental#consent like okay well i’m not paying $70 for a piercing have you considered that#this place doesn’t even accept minors w/o parents but that’s ok i have 2 fake ids. well one fake one real if we pretend i’m ****#<- honestly it’s so funny to me that places do that. like ik tats r 18+ here but there’s no rules around piercings afaik???#ok nvm there are rules. and the rules say 16+ as i thought. so wtf#.txt
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insane how quickly something small can tank my mood
#i am so tired of being cut off when i’m talking#esp when someone doesn’t even care enough to realize i was over halfway through a sentence#and doesn’t ask what i was saying#or when they just make it incredibly obvious they weren’t paying attention or outright don’t care what i’m talking about#even when i’m talking super excitedly#it makes me feel so fucking small and unimportant#like yeah i guess the shit i say doesn’t matter 99% of the time but it matters to ME#but it hurts so bad when i get cut off only for someone else to say stuff entirely unrelated#and to then just like. stream of consciousness ramble every thought that enters their head#like okay. cool. awesome. alright#my mom does that all the time i’ll be telling her something and then i’ll get cut off or she’ll wait til i’m done#to out of nowhere start telling me super in depth life histories of people she hasn’t seen since she was a child. or people i don’t know.#and it’ll always be so in depth about so many people idk OR so fucking vague i get confused as hell#in the typical boomer just needs to talk at someone or hear their own voice way (sorry ily mom)#and i know i can go on for ages about fandom shit that confuses her or she doesn’t know about but#idk. i do not have much else in my life right now. and i only have her and my sibling and very very few friends that aren’t online#and even irl friends i only see a couple times a year each if i’m lucky#i just hate my life lol and i need to stop before i spiral#i have already gone on long enough and will be embarrassed when i come back to delete this because honestly who gives a shit#i need to get over myself#to be deleted#personal
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see the thing about the way people are freaking out about a certain celebrity actually having boundaries and acting as if it’s part of the job to just. not—all that tells me is you don’t want celebs to be human and god forbid they’re like. disabled or neurodivergent or something because there’s no way people are going to agree that yes they need accommodations that’s a pretty bare minimum thing to have so they can keep doing their job. no the fact is there’s people out there who don’t care if our performers die as long as they can exploit them and too many fans, who don’t even get a cent out of it, are not only encouraging that behaviour but acting that we are, too, entitled to what our faves should not ever have to give. and the fact is you don’t need to know the personal reasons behind their boundaries. you will get more from your faves if the collective fandom treats them with respect that’s an obvious fact and yet. people still don’t let that change their behaviour
#the idea you had of me who was she? a never needy ever lovely jewel. whose shine reflects on you??#I’m butchering atw sorry but yes this is about#chappell roan#but I could give you examples all through the last century of tragedies we’ve seen that were DEFINITELY influenced by artists not being#allowed to have boundaries. and people don’t ever care til it’s too late#which. sounds exactly like an abusive relationship doesn’t it?? except they literally can’t escape without losing their job#and letting down so many of the good fans who make it worth it#I’ve seen too many of my faves utterly terrified of the fandom and scared to ever stand up for themselves#and it is worrying!! because your job isn’t meant to traumatise you! no matter how well it pays! but for every artist it seems like it does#anyone who stands up for themselves. we should be thanking them. making it okay for more people to do so#yeah abolish celebrity and billionaires and shit#but please please learn how to act in a way that doesn’t feed the abusive system#we can still get good songs. but we need to keep each other in line#celebrities are people#neurodivergent liberation#neurodivergence
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…
#shhh sharkie#my friend offered to help me get a well-paying desk job at her workplace#‘well paying’ being still not an astronomical amount but still almost double what I’m making now#but it’s completely out of the animal field. like completely unrelated.#the company doesn’t matter cause it sounds like she’s gonna help me get an HR job#so I would just be dealing with like timesheets and on/off boarding#idk if she’s gonna pull through either way but. idk it feels weird to completely leave the field.#I just have to remember if I’m going to actually go through with this that it doesn’t mean I have to leave the field forever#maybe I do this for two years and then move into an HR position back at the aquarium.#either way it might not happen. we were very stoned yesterday lol so hopefully she remembers at all.
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wtf are you supposed to say
just in general
ever
#rhetorical question#no matter how many times people explain it to me it will never be natural#every social interaction feels like pushing random buttons in a plane and hoping it doesn’t crash#‘just ask people questions and pay attention’ I know the problem is that it’s Bad because I’m Wrong™️ and awkward and would rather be doing#anything other than talking#and people can tell#which then makes them uncomfortable#repeat however many times till they finally decide to end the conversation
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Cyberpunk 2077 is my favorite anti-capitalist game that I spent 70 dollars to play
#like is it worth 70 dollars#I Guess?#I know it took years and so many people to actually put this game together#and the basegame and dlc for seventy dollars total is such a steal in comparison to say#a certain life simulator game I play#but the actual game Cyberpunk in itself is so inaccessible already#like my gaming laptop can run the sims with all dlc and custom content on ultra graphics EASY#buy trying to run cyberpunk even on the lowest graphics is like#ROUGH#and like paying 70 dollars for the LOWEST graphics setting is pretty mid#like yeah they got Keanu Reeves as the cool brain parasite#but that only speaks to me on a personal level because I have a mental health issue that causes me to have Keanu Reeves as a brain parasite#in my actual real life#the story is so great but there’s so many side quests that no matter how many hours I play the game for I’ll never actually COMPLETE it#cyberpunk is my FAVORITE game and I do NOT regret buying it bc the story is there the world is there the characters are there#but it feels so superficial knowing I spent a quarter of my paycheck to spend 30 hours being like#‘that��s right Johnny Silverhand we should fuck em up’#i think it’s more that cyberpunk feels like a story the world really needs right now#but it’s only accessible to such a niche group of people#especially since the game got so much hate on launch#and yeah there is the anime now but the anime doesn’t even TOUCH a VAST MAJORITY of night city#the anime doesn’t have the same depth and wonder that the game has because the game is about a city and the show is about 1 group of people#cyberpunk 2077 really resonated with me in such a unique way and I love it so much I can’t even begin to describe my hyperfixation#but the graphics and first person camera give me motion sickness#and my wallet cried for three days when I bought the game#and so much of the actual political ideology is lost on me Because of the price point#I’m gonna play it anyway tho bc I’ve never seen my own brain parasites represented as video game characters before#twink speaks#Twink plays cyberpunk 2077#not cc
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jfc i need to put money on my card 🤑
#ily cash but cash doesn’t pay for overseas shipping 💔💔#kurome and guchiry are bleeding my wallet DRY#yfhd reminder to myself to get that kurome stuff soon#god i hope my parents dont force me to get a job next year#i do NOT wanna work at 16#tho i should probably get some sorta income hggh#anyone have like. a spare 100.000 laying around??#please???? 🥺 /s#yhbfjsjsb thats for older me tho bc im just 15 rn and thats all that matters 🤑#anyways time to write doomed shitty loptson bc i can
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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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girlies what do you do when you want to quit your job after one month of employment
#part of me is like i’m a failure i’m not cut out for full time employment#and the other part of me is like this org is a hot mess and i’m not living up to my potential and i deserve more than this#and these two wolves are fighting it out within me#anyways i’m not going to quit my job (this month) because i didn’t even get a full month pay for july since i took a week off for a week i#already had planned before i got the job offer lol so i gotta get through this month and see how i feel after getting a full months pay#OH ALSO they pay me once a month instead of biweekly which sucks a little bit but like i get paid enough and am pretty careful with my money#so it doesn’t really matter it’s just weird and also they pay me in the middle on the month lol also weird#anyways i do not want to go in tomorrow so now what
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