#but life has been very busy for me lately
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Oh boi, I've been wanting to write Elliott x Farmer for a while so here we go:
Based off one of the comments of the original post
"I would suggest we make time for a little 'rendezvous' in my old cabin... But I'm afraid it's become rather... Musty... In my absence" Elliott says. I'd like to think he's being playful but I can't really tell. His words are mischievous but his eyes seem melancholic. I mean, well, he writes angsty stuff all the time, why would this be any different, he loves feeling melancholic. He's an overemotional drama queen, and that's pretty much why I fell for him in the first place. But something's off today.
I look at him, up and down. Wouldn't be the first time we escape a social gathering and make time for ourselves. I work relentlessly. He writes relentlessly. Our kids mess around the house relentlessly, too.
"Why not?" I suggest. "It's not like anyone's paying attention."
His green eyes widen, his face blushes for just an instant and I recognize his look. He bites his lower lip, grabs my arm and pulls me into the cabin so quickly I can't even react. As soon as I step into the cabin I understand what he meant by "musty". The air feels heavy, humid, and the wood is starting to decay. His old piano is still there; withering away.
He locks the door behind us and I can already feel his heavy breath. I can't help but find it cute. It's been three years and he still gets all hot and bothered. He's turning his back on me, his hand still on the door knob.
"Elliott? Are you all right?" I ask.
"I have really neglected this place, haven't I..." He murmurs. "It's- it's not romantic at all, I-..."
"Love, it's okay, I don't mind" I try to reassure him, rubbing his back. Something's wrong but I'm not can't put my finger on it. "It's been quite some time since the last time you came here, huh."
Elliott laughs nervously and forces himself to let go of the door knob. He turns around and looks at his cabin, his eyes scanning every corner.
"I really used to live like this, didn't I?"
"I didn't know this place brought you bad memories", I say, my voice soft, almost a whisper. I know we don't talk much; my words are usually rather scarce, I can't remember the last time we sat and spoke to each other. I'd rather listen, but Elliott doesn't speak too much, either.
He runs a hand through his copper hair.
"Once upon a time, there lived a man by the sea..." Elliott speaks quietly, absently. "He dreamed of fame and greatness; he dreamed of people remembering his name. However, that day never came, and his little cabin by the sea, he let it rot away."
I frown, trying to make a meaning off of this.
"My father bought this cabin a long time ago, we used to have our vacation here, when I was a kid. With time I guess we all forgot about it, then I remembered it when he kicked me out."
My eyes widen.
"He... Kicked you out? Why am I learning about this just now?!"
"Well, he wasn't happy when I said I wasn't pursuing a career in the family business." Elliott runs his hand through the dusty desk, then fidgets around with an old inkwell. The ink has been dry for a very long time. "I didn't have much money. I was running out when I met you."
"That part, I remember, yeah", I reply.
"It's not that this cabin holds bad memories, as you said. It just a reminder of almost everything that hasn't worked out in my life. All the scrapped manuscripts. All the arguing with my father. All the times I stayed up late, trying to come up with the perfect plot, the perfect words, the perfect... Everything" he closes his eyes and sighs. I look at him and take his hand in mine. I love it: it's so soft. "And then, one day, you showed up and took care of that old farm nobody cared about. And you took care of me..."
He leans his head over mine. His hair tickles my nose, and it smells like pomegranate shampoo.
"I can take care of this place, too" I suggest, trying to cheer him up. "Just like I did with the farm."
"No, no. This place is mine to bear, not yours. However I would like to take your example and make this old place something worth the effort. Something out kids will be happy inheriting."
I look up at him and smile.
"Yeah? You wanna do that?"
Elliott smiles and nods. I feel his hand make its way through my eternally sore back to my waist. I rest my hand on his, fidgeting with his wedding ring.
"It's not that musty", I tease, after a very long silence. "The bed's still in good shape."
When you're just trying to make some goddamn soup but Elliott wants to have sex in his mouldy ass cabin.
#stardew valley#sdv#sdv elliott#elliott stardew valley#sdv fanfic#stardew elliott#elliott x farmer#its 3am and im not a native English speaker so im sorry if the grammar is weird
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Daylight (r.c)
Summary: it takes Rafe some time to realize what he has
AN: this is very one tree hill code with JJ being very Lucas Scott esque lol and this was PURELY self indulgent, no one asked for this
Y/N Routledge sat on the edge of her bed, feeling like she could throw up at any second. The little plastic stick in her trembling hand bore the answer she had been dreading and hoping wasn’t true. The bold letters stared back at her like they were mocking her.
Pregnant.
Her mind raced. It felt as though the world had tilted off its axis. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight. What now? Who could she possibly confide in about this? How could she even begin to explain? The answer wasn’t simple, not when the father was Rafe Cameron.
For a year, their relationship—or whatever it was—had been a secret. Late-night meetings, whispered words in the dark, stolen moments when no one was looking. There had never been an official label on it. Rafe had made sure of that. “Labels complicate things,” he’d said, and Y/N, hopelessly drawn to him despite every red flag, had agreed.
But now? Things were complicated anyway.
The sound of approaching footsteps snapped her out of her spiraling thoughts. The door swung open, and there stood her brother, John B, looking confused and concerned.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked, leaning against the frame. “You’ve been in here for a while.”
Y/N’s heart stopped. She shoved the pregnancy test behind her back, but she wasn’t fast enough.
“What’s that?” His eyes narrowed, the easy-going brotherly demeanor replaced with something sharper.
“Nothing,” she blurted out, but John B wasn’t buying it.
He took a step closer. “Y/N, what’s going on?”
The lump in her throat grew too large to ignore, and before she knew it, the words came tumbling out. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
For a moment, John B just stared at her, his expression unreadable. Then, with a long exhale, he sat down beside her.
“Okay,” he said carefully. “I’m not gonna ask who the father is. That’s your business. But whoever it is, he deserves to know.”
Y/N looked down at the floor, her chest tightening. “I don’t even know how to tell him,” she admitted. “What if he doesn’t want this?”
John B reached over, placing both hands on her shoulders. “Then you don’t need him. You’ve got me. And the rest of the Pogues. We’ll figure it out. This kid's gonna have a pretty cool life, Y/N. I promise.”
Y/N nodded her head. “I’m so scared, JB.” She whispered. John B nodded his own head before he pulled his sister in for a tight hug.
“I know you are. But you’re gonna be okay. I’m here.” He told her gently.
||
Later that evening, Y/N stood nervously outside Tannyhill. Her palms were clammy, her stomach a mess of nerves. She had rehearsed what she wanted to say a thousand times, but now that she was here, the words felt like they dried up in her throat.
When Rafe opened the door, his blue eyes scanned her face, immediately sensing something was wrong.
“What’s going on?” he asked, stepping aside to let her in.
Y/N fidgeted with the hem of her hoodie, the weight of the moment pressing down on her. “I need to tell you something.”
Rafe’s brow furrowed. “Okay…”
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out, her voice shaking.
For a moment, he just stared at her, his face unreadable. Then, as the realization sank in, his expression darkened.
“Pregnant?” he repeated, his tone laced with disbelief. “You’re serious?”
“Yes, Rafe. I’m serious.” Y/N replied.
He ran a hand over his buzzed his hair, pacing the room. “I… I can’t do this right now,” he said, his voice rising. “I’m trying to get my dad’s business back on track, and now you’re telling me you’re pregnant?”
Y/N felt the sting of his words like a physical blow. “I didn’t plan for this, Rafe! But it’s happening.”
He turned to face her, his eyes cold. “Maybe you should just do it alone. I’m not raising a kid with a Pogue.”
That cut deeper than anything else he’d said. Tears burned in her eyes as she stared at him, her heart breaking. “Really? That’s how you feel?” She asked, her voice unsteady. “Yeah, that’s how I feel. Did you really expect we were going to play big happy family?” He snapped.
Y/N let out a teary scoff before her impulsive thoughts took over. She stepped closer to Rafe, the palm of her hand connecting with his cheek, the sound of the slap echoing throughout the foyer. Without another word, Y/N turned and walked out the door.
||
One year later, and Y/N had given birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. It wasn’t an easy feat, but Y/N had John B and Sarah. Taking their roles as aunt and uncle way too seriously.
Now, Y/N cradled her one-year-old daughter, Isla, as the Pogues gathered on the beach. The little girl was the spitting image of her father—Rafe’s blonde hair, his piercing blue eyes. It was a constant reminder of the man who had walked away.
But Y/N wasn’t alone. John B, Sarah, JJ, Kiara, Cleo, and Pope had rallied around her, becoming Isla’s extended family. JJ, in particular, had taken to the role of honorary uncle with enthusiasm, and Isla adored him.
As JJ held Isla over the waves, her tiny giggles filled the air, and Y/N couldn’t help but smile.
“Look at you, kiddo,” JJ said, spinning her gently. “You’re a natural beach bum.”
From the corner of her eye, Y/N noticed a familiar figure further down the shore. Rafe was there, flanked by Topper and Kelce, his gaze locked on her. Then, his eyes then shifted to JJ and Isla.
He’d have to be an idiot to deny that that one year old was his. Y/N had kept the baby and now he was feeling an influx of emotions. Anger, regret, jealousy. Jealous that another man was raising his child, jealous that another man was in his place.
Y/N froze, unsure of what to do. JJ walked back to Y/N, handing Isla to her with a smile. Y/N couldn’t help but smile down at her daughter. But then she remembered who was watching them. When she whispered something to JJ, he turned and saw Rafe, his expression immediately hardening.
JJ said something else to her and Y/N walked back towards the rest of the Pogues. Rafe and JJ were now walking towards each other, JJ not messing around when it comes to Isla and Y/N.
“You need to leave her alone,” JJ said, his voice low and dangerous. “That’s my daughter,” Rafe snapped. “I have a right to know her.”
JJ scoffed. “You don’t get to decide that. Y/N does and you left her. You told her you weren’t raising a kid with a Pogue. You don’t deserve a second of her time.”
Rafe’s jaw clenched. “Just because you’re playing house with my girl and my kid doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do.” JJ laughed bitterly. “I’m not with Y/N. I’m just picking up the slack from the coward who abandoned them.”
Rafe stood there, seething with anger and regret, as JJ's words lingered in the air. But before he could say anything more, Topper yelled his name.
||
Later that night, Rafe pulled up to the old Maybank property that was now the Pogues sanctuary. He hadn’t prepared a single thing to say to Y/N. He knew there was a very high possibility that she would slam the door in his face.
What he said to her that night was harsh. He knew that and he knew he couldn’t take it back. He knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer the door. Rafe could hear the laughter and the music playing from the other side.
John B was the one to pull the door open, Isla in his arms. Rafe’s breath caught in his throat upon the sight of the little girl. “What are you doing here?” John B asked. “I’m uh, c-can I talk to Y/N?” He stammered.
Y/N’s brother looked at the man with furrowed brows, not used to seeing him in such an insecure, uncertain state. John B hated Rafe for what he did to Y/N, but Isla deserves a father. No matter how that happens.
“Y/N!” John B called. He turned away and walked back down the hall and soon Y/N appeared in the doorway.
“Can we talk?” Rafe asked. Y/N was hesitant; their last conversation did not go well obviously. “Um, sure. We can talk down at the store.” She answered.
The two walked silently down the dock to the bait shop where Y/N knew no one would be eavesdropping on them.
“Rafe, before you say anything, I didn’t want this to be how you found out. I didn’t want it to come to this,” she said quietly, her voice trembling but steady. “But you can’t just expect me to pretend like you didn’t hurt me. You didn’t want this baby. You walked away. You made your choice.”
Rafe flinched, her words cutting deep. He opened his mouth to argue, but something stopped him. The way she held Isla, the way Isla smiled at her mother, the warmth between them—it hit him all at once. What he had lost, what he could have had, and how foolish he’d been to let pride and fear dictate his actions.
“I—” He paused, swallowing hard. “I screwed up. I was scared, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to be the kind of man you needed.”
Y/N’s eyes softened, but she didn’t look away. “You had a choice, Rafe. We both did. You made yours. I made mine.”
He took a step forward, his gaze falling to the water, as if he were gathering the courage to say what needed to be said. “I was wrong. And I know it. I’ve been trying to fix everything else, but I didn’t even try with you… with Isla. I was too damn proud. Too scared. But I don’t want to be that man anymore. I want to be a part of her life. I want to be a part of your life.”
Y/N blinked, the warmth in her chest slowly spreading, though the ache of everything that had happened still lingered. “It’s not going to be easy. We can’t just pick up where we left off.”
“I don’t want to,” he said softly. “I want to start fresh. As a father. As someone you can count on.”
A long silence passed between them, the weight of the past still hanging in the air. Then, slowly, Y/N nodded. “Okay. But you need to prove it. You need to show me you’re in this. All in. For her. For me.”
Rafe’s heart pounded, but he could see the flicker of hope in her eyes. Hope he thought he’d lost. “I will. I swear I will.”
||
The sun was shining brightly over the beach house, casting a golden glow over the yard where Isla’s second birthday party was in full swing.
The Pogues, along with Rafe, were scattered across the yard, setting up and getting ready to celebrate the little girl who had brought so much joy into their lives.
John B and Pope were hanging colorful decorations from the trees and the porch, adding the final touches to a vibrant banner that read, “Happy Birthday, Isla!”
Sarah and Kie were carefully bringing out a pile of birthday gifts, wrapping paper and bows sparkling in the sunlight.
Meanwhile, Isla was darting around the yard, laughing as JJ ran after her, pretending to be a superhero.
JJ scooped her up in his arms, making jet engine noises as he spun her around, keeping her distracted so she wouldn’t see the presents waiting inside.
Rafe stood off to the side, leaning against the window frame of the house, his gaze fixed on the scene unfolding before him. His heart swelled as he watched Isla giggle, her little feet kicking in the air as JJ swung her around like a plane.
Her laugh was like music to his ears, a reminder of how much he’d missed and how far he’d come since that day on the beach.
Y/N, who had just finished setting the cake down on the table, noticed Rafe standing there, his eyes soft and full of affection. She smiled to herself and walked over to him, sliding her arm around his bicep as she leaned her head on his shoulder.
“What’s got you all smiley?” she asked softly, her voice gentle but teasing.
Rafe looked down at her, a look of gratitude and tenderness crossing his features. “You,” he said simply. “Isla. You letting me back into your life and into hers.”
Y/N’s heart melted, and she lifted her chin to look up at him, a small smile tugging at her lips. Without a word, she leaned in and kissed him softly, the kind of kiss that spoke of everything they’d been through and everything they’d built together.
As they pulled apart, John B appeared at the doorway with a grin. “Alright, JJ, it’s time for cake and presents!”
JJ, who had been in the middle of a game of "airplane" with Isla, immediately scooped her up again, making exaggerated flying noises as he carried her inside. Isla squealed with laughter, her little arms flailing in the air as JJ pretended she was a plane about to take off.
As they entered the living room, JJ passed Isla off to Rafe with a grin. “Special delivery!”
Rafe smiled and crouched down to gently set Isla in her chair. He pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head, a tender moment of fatherly affection. Isla beamed up at him, her tiny hands reaching up to grab his face, a look of adoration in her eyes.
Y/N stood beside them, watching with a heart full of love as Rafe straightened up and looked at her with a smile. This moment was everything they’d fought for—a family, together, stronger than ever.
As Isla sat at the table, her little hands covered in frosting as she tried to grab a slice of cake, Rafe took a seat next to her, helping her scoop up a piece. Y/N joined them, wrapping an arm around Rafe’s shoulder as she placed a kiss on Isla’s cheek.
The room was filled with the sounds of laughter, chatter, and joy as everyone gathered around, ready to celebrate Isla’s special day. It was simple, but perfect. They were a family now, not just by blood, but by choice. And in this moment, surrounded by love and happiness, they all knew they’d found something rare and precious.
John B raised his glass, a grin on his face as he toasted, “To my niece Isla, the brightest light in all of our lives.”
Everyone joined in, lifting their glasses in unison, as Isla clapped her little hands, excited by the attention.
“Cheers!” Rafe said, glancing over at Y/N with a smile that said it all.
Y/N smiled back, squeezing his hand. “Cheers.”
As the cake was passed around, Isla sat contentedly on Rafe’s lap, covered in frosting and giggling with pure joy. And in that moment, as they all looked on at the little girl they had all come to love, Rafe and Y/N knew this was exactly where they were meant to be—together, as a family.
#imagine#imagines#outer banks#jj maybank#rafe cameron#outer banks imagine#kiara carrera#john b routledge#rudy pankow#sarah cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe obx#rafe x reader
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ceilings
genre/tags 𝟅𝟈 childhood friends to lovers, best friends to lovers, college au, mark lee x fem!reader,
word count 𝟅𝟈 4.1k
NOT PROOFREAD
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
You sit cross-legged on the couch in your dorm, a half-empty mug of coffee going cold on the table in front of you. Your laptop is open, the beginnings of a lesson plan appearing on the screen. Across the room, Mark is sprawled in your beanbag chair, a stack of notebooks and his own laptop scattered haphazardly around him.
“Remind me why you picked education again?” he teases, spinning a pen between his fingers.
“Because I like helping people,” you say without looking up. “Unlike you, who’s clearly just here to take up space.”
Mark laughs, the sound comforting and familiar. “Yikes. I’m just saying, you’ve been staring at that screen for, like, two hours. Are you actually working, or just writing your name in different fonts?”
You roll your eyes, finally glancing over at him. “Some of us don’t have the luxury of slacking off, Mr. Communications Major.”
“Hey, excuse you,” Mark says, sitting up a little. “I’m a communications major with a business minor. Very serious stuff.”
“Right,” you deadpan. “I’m sure the world is just desperate for your next paper on influencer marketing.”
He grins, leaning back again. “You know it.”
The conversation feels like a warm blanket, familiar and comforting. You’ve been best friends with Mark since third grade, and moments like this remind you why. No matter what life throws your way, he’s always been there—ready with a joke, a smile, or a friday-night movie marathon.
Still, lately, things have felt off… different. You hesitate, tapping your fingers on the edge of your laptop.
“Mark?”
“Hmm?” he says, not looking up from the YouTube video he’s somehow roped into his “studying.”
“You know Jaemin, right? From my educational psych class?”
Mark pauses the video, his brow furrowing slightly. “Yeah, I know him. Why?”
“Well…” you trail off, suddenly not sure if you should tell him. “He asked me out yesterday.”
Mark doesn’t react immediately, his face carefully neutral. “Oh. What’d you say?”
“I said yes.”
Mark’s jaw tightens imperceptibly before he nods, forcing a smile. “That’s cool. Jaemin’s… cool.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah, sure,” he says, a little too quickly. “He’s nice. And, you know, he’s on the soccer team. Everyone loves a soccer guy.”
You tilt your head, watching him cautiously. “You’re being weird.”
“I’m not being weird,” Mark argues, shifting his position to cover his fidgeting. “I’m happy for you, Y/N. Really, I am.”
You squint at him, unconvinced, but let it go. “Cool.”
The rest of the evening passes in a strange kind of silence. Mark cracks a few jokes here and there, but the usual ease between you feels just a little strained.
Later that night, as you lie in bed staring at the ceiling, the soft whirring of your fan lulling you into a tired state, you can’t shake the feeling that something has shifted. But what—and why—you can’t quite figure out.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
A month later, you and Mark find yourselves in your favorite spot off-campus, a cozy little café that’s been your special place since freshman year. You’re sitting by the window, sipping a caramel latte and doodling on a napkin while Mark devours a bagel like it’s his last meal.
“I’m just saying,” he says between bites, crumbs and seeds scattering all over the table, “professors shouldn’t assign group projects if they know people like Yuta exist.”
“Not this again,” you groan, half-laughing. “What did he do this time?”
“What didn’t he do?” Mark gestures dramatically. “He wrote a single sentence and called it his ‘contribution.’ I’m carrying this guy through college, Y/N.”
“Maybe he’s just shy,” you suggest, smiling at your best friend’s complaints.
Mark shakes his head, pointing at you with a crumb-covered finger. “No, no. Shy people at least pretend to help. Yuta just disappears.”
You laugh, the sound bright against the low hum of the café. Moments like this remind you why Mark is your favorite person.
Which makes your next suggestion seem obvious—at least to you.
“You know,” you say, swirling your spoon in your cup, “you should hang out with Jaemin.”
Mark freezes mid-chew, his eyes widening slightly. “What?”
“You and Jaemin,” you repeat. “I feel like you’d get along. You’re both funny and laid-back, and you like soccer.”
“I don’t like soccer,” Mark says flatly.
“You played soccer in high school,” you counter.
“Because my mom made me,” he argues, setting his muffin down. “And no offense, but I don’t think me and Jaemin would get along.”
“How do you know?” you challenge, leaning forward. “You’ve never hung out with him. He’s really nice, Mark.”
Mark’s expression shifts, a flicker of something unreadable crossing his face. “I’m sure he is,” he says carefully. “But… why are you so set on this?”
“Because you’re my best friend,” you say simply. “And he’s… my boyfriend. It would just be nice if you guys were friends, too.”
Mark looks at you for a long moment, his jaw tightening slightly before he nods. “Okay,” he says finally. “If it’s that important to you, I’ll hang out with him.”
You beam, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thanks, Mark. It means a lot.”
He forces a smile, but as he takes another bite of his muffin, you notice the way his shoulders tense.
And for the second time that week, you can’t shake the feeling that something is off.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Mark adjusts his hoodie for the third time as he steps into the campus rec center, wondering how mad you’d be if he flaked on Jaemin. He spots him right away, standing by the basketball court with a bright smile on his face, spinning a ball on his finger effortlessly.
“Mark!” Jaemin calls, waving enthusiastically.
Mark forces a grin and waves back, shoving his hands into his pockets as he approaches.
“Hey,” he says.
“Glad you made it,” Jaemin says, tossing the ball to him. “You play, right?”
“Uh, not really,” Mark admits, catching the ball awkwardly.
Jaemin chuckles, his tone warm and friendly. “No worries. We’ll just shoot around. Nothing serious.”
They step onto the court, and Jaemin immediately starts talking, filling the space with his easy energy. He’s exactly how Y/N described—friendly, funny, and genuinely likable.
“So, Y/N told me you guys have been friends forever,” Jaemin says, making a shot effortlessly.
“Yeah,” Mark replies, dribbling the ball and taking a shot. It bounces off the backboard, and he winces. “We grew up together.”
“That’s awesome,” Jaemin says, running after the ball. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a friendship like that. She talks about you all the time, you know.”
Mark swallows hard, his throat tightening at the thought. “Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah,” Jaemin continues, passing the ball back to him. “She says you’re, like, the best person she knows. Always there for her.”
Mark forces a smile, the comment accentuating the already heavy weight on his chest. “She’s pretty great herself,” he says, taking another shot. This one goes in, and Jaemin claps excitedly.
“She really is.” Jaemin says, smiling softly.
As they continue playing, Mark starts to feel a strange mix of guilt and admiration. Jaemin is genuinely a good guy—there’s no doubt about it, and he obviously cares about Y/N. But every time Jaemin mentions her, Mark feels like he’s been punched in the gut.
“So,” Jaemin says after a while of playing, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. “What do you think of me?”
Mark nearly chokes on his water. “What?”
“Come on,” Jaemin says, laughing. “I know you probably weren’t super excited about this. Y/N might’ve had to twist your arm a bit. So, what’s the verdict?”
Mark hesitates, running a hand through his hair. “You’re… a good guy,” he says finally.
Jaemin raises an eyebrow, grinning. “That’s it?”
Mark shrugs, forcing his hands to stay placed firmly on the ball, needing something to ground himself before he shouts his feelings to the world. “Y/N thinks so, and she’s usually right about people.”
Jaemin chuckles, his expression softening. “She’s something else, huh?”
Mark nods, his throat tightening again. “Yeah. She is.”
Jaemin leans back against the wall, tossing the ball between his hands. “I don’t know what I did to deserve her, honestly. She’s just… amazing.”
Mark doesn’t respond, forcing a smile, his chest aching at how easily Jaemin says the words Mark’s been too afraid to even think about out loud.
“Anyway,” Jaemin says, breaking the silence. “Thanks for hanging out. I know you probably had better things to do.”
“Yeah, no problem,” Mark replies, his voice quieter now.
As they step back onto the court to finish their game, Mark tries to focus on the sound of the ball hitting the floor, anything to distract himself from the guilt gnawing at him. Jaemin is exactly as Y/N said—perfect. And yet, Mark can’t shake the heavy, unspoken truth weighing on his chest.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
The Friday after Mark and Jaemin’s basketball game, Mark sat on your couch, scrolling aimlessly through his phone while you organized your notes at the dining table. It was a typical evening—quiet and uneventful—but something felt off. Mark had been acting strange ever since his hangout with Jaemin, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying to you about something.
“Hey,” you called, your voice cutting through the silence. “You’ve been weird lately. Is something wrong?”
Mark didn’t even glance up. “I’m fine,” he said curtly.
You frowned but decided not to push. Instead, you tried to lighten the mood. “So, Jaemin was telling me about this soccer game next weekend, maybe all three of us could —”
“Do you talk about anything but Jaemin?” Mark snapped, his voice slicing through you sentence like a blade.
You froze, staring at him in confusion. “What?”
“You’re always talking about him,” Mark continued, setting his phone down with more force than necessary. “Jaemin this, Jaemin that. Do you even realize how much you talk about him?”
Your confusion quickly turned to anger. “Mark, what’s your problem? You’re the one who’s been acting all weird, and now you’re getting mad at me for talking about my boyfriend?”
Mark stood abruptly, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Forget it. Just forget I said anything.”
“No,” you shot back, standing too. “You don’t get to yell at me and then walk away. What’s going on with you?”
“I said forget it, Y/N!” Mark shouted, his voice louder than you'd ever heard it before.
You took a step back, a pang hurt flashing across your face. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk to me, then don’t.”
For a moment, Mark’s expression softened, guilt and regret flickering in his eyes. But he quickly hardened again, grabbing his jacket. “You know what? I won’t.” Without another word, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
You stood frozen in place, your chest tight and tears pricking your eyes. You'd argued before, sure, but this time felt different—more real. You sank onto the couch, mind racing with questions you didn’t have answers to.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
During the days following the argument, you tried to go about life as normal, but Mark’s absence hung over you like a dark cloud. You couldn’t shake the feeling that something was deeply wrong. Jaemin was the first to notice.
The two of you were sitting on a park bench after grabbing coffee, the late afternoon sun casting warm light over the pond in front of them. Your barely touched your drink, gaze distant as you stared at the ducks paddling by.
“You’ve been quiet lately,” Jaemin said gently, voice soft, as if he was afraid of what he was about to say.
“I’m fine,” you replied automatically, though your voice lacked any sense of genuineness.
Jaemin tilted his head, studying you with a soft, understanding look. “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know.”
You sighed, shoulders slumping. “Mark and I had a fight. He’s been acting so weird, and I don’t know why. It’s like he’s mad at me for something, but he won’t tell me what.”
Jaemin hesitated, his expression thoughtful. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you sure you don’t have feelings for Mark?”
Your head snapped up, your eyes wide in surprise, looking at her boyfriend, shocked. “What? No. Of course I don’t. He’s my best friend.”
Jaemin didn’t say anything right away, his gaze steady but kind. “Listen,” he began carefully, “you’re a great girl. Really. But... I think you might care about him more than you realize.”
You shook your head, a pit of dread bubbling in your stomach. “Jaemin, I—I like you. I do.”
“I know,” he said softly, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “But not the way you like him. And that’s okay.”
Tears stung your eyes as guilt washed over you. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do this to you,” you whispered.
“Don’t be,” Jaemin said, placing a reassuring hand over yours. “You can’t help how you feel. And honestly? I think you should talk to him. Figure it out.”
You sniffled, giving him a small, watery smile. “You’re too nice, you know that?”
Jaemin laughed, leaning back against the bench. “I know.”
Despite the weight of their conversation, you felt a strange sense of clarity. You didn’t know what you were going to say to Mark, but for the first time, you knew you had to try.
You left the park bench with a renewed sense of purpose and a goal, to talk to Mark.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
Jaemin was lying on your bed, legs stretched out as you paced back and forth. You had been trying to contact Mark for days—texts, calls, voicemails—but every attempt was met with silence. And it was driving you crazy.
“I don’t get it,” you mumbled, frustration and sadness evident in your voice. “He’s never acted like this before. We’ve argued before and we always made up, but now... now he’s avoiding me like I’m some kind of plague.”
Jaemin watched you, a quiet understanding in his gaze. He could tell how much it was bothering you, even though you were trying your very best to hide it.
“You’re not giving up, are you?” Jaemin asked, leaning forward slightly.
You stopped mid-pace, looking at him with a mixture of exhaustion and annoyance. “I don’t have a choice, Jaemin. He clearly doesn’t want to talk to me. Maybe I messed up, maybe I pushed him too far, but he’s not responding.”
Jaemin shook his head, his smile soft but firm. “Don’t give up on him, Y/N. You love him, and he clearly feels something similar for you. Maybe he just needs a little push.”
You sigh, sitting down beside him on the bed. “I just don’t know what else to do. It’s not like I haven’t tried.”
Jaemin paused for a second, a glint of mischief creeping into his eyes. “Well, what if I told you I had a plan to make him face you?”
You raise an eyebrow, skeptical but curious. “What?”
He grinned, clearly proud of himself. “I do. But you’re gonna have to trust me on this one.”
You frowned but nodded, trusting Jaemin more than anyone else. “Alright, what’s the plan?”
Jaemin leaned in, his voice lowering to a whisper as he began to lay out the details of his plan. He knew it was a little underhanded, but if it meant fixing things with Mark and you, he was willing to take the risk.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
A few days later, Mark was hanging out with his friends Haechan and Chenle at their usual café. He had been avoiding you, and it wasn’t because he wanted to. The guilt gnawed at him every time he saw your name pop up on his phone, but he didn’t know how to fix things. Every time he thought about talking to you, he freaked out, not knowing if he could handle being rejected by you.
“Man, you’ve been really quiet lately,” Haechan said, nudging Mark’s shoulder. “What’s up with you?”
Mark shrugged, not meeting either of their gazes. “Just… tired, I guess.”
Chenle raised an eyebrow. “Tired? Dude, you’re literally doing nothing. Just hiding out at home all day.”
“Yeah,” Haechan added, “and avoiding Y/N. Come on, what’s going on between you two?”
Mark stiffened, his heart skipping a beat at the mention of your name. He opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, his phone buzzed. A new message from Jaemin.
Hey, man. I need you to do me a favor.
Mark hesitated for a moment before replying, his fingers hovering over the keys. What’s up?
I need you to meet me at the park in 30 minutes. Trust me, it’s important.
Mark frowned, sensing something was off, but he couldn’t figure out what. Okay, fine. I’ll be there.
He shoved his phone back into his pocket, barely noticing Haechan and Chenle’s knowing smiles.
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
When Mark arrived at the park, he found Jaemin leaning against a bench, looking unusually serious.
“Why’d you need me to meet you?” Mark asked, crossing his arms and trying to hide his nervousness.
Jaemin smiled mischievously for a split second, but then he stood up straighter, his tone firm. “I’m going to help you fix things with Y/N.”
Mark blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Jaemin exhaled deeply, looking Mark in the eye. “Y/N’s been acting weird. Because you’re avoiding her. And I get it, man. I really do. But you’re hurting her by not talking to her. And she doesn’t deserve that.”
Mark felt a pang in his chest, guilt flooding his mind. “I know, but it’s complicated…”
“Complicated or not,” Jaemin interrupted, “you can’t just leave things like this. You’re her best friend, Mark. You mean everything to her.”
Mark’s throat tightened, his hands trembling slightly. “Why do you care? She’s your girlfriend.”
Jaemin’s expression hardened slightly. “Actually, she’s not. You’d know that if you answered her calls.”
Mark’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “What?”
Jaemin sighed, “Listen man, I like her, I do, but she doesn’t feel the same. We broke up. And now I’ve been trying to help her contact you. You’re hurting her a lot by ignoring her like this.”
Mark groaned, feeling a sense of disbelief that your ex-boyfriend was currently trying to convince him to confess his feelings to you.
Jaemin ignores the clear shock on Mark’s face, pulling out his phone and smirking. “I’ve been talking to Haechan and Chenle. They’re on board with this. We’ve already arranged it. You two are meeting up, whether you like it or not.”
Mark’s eyes widened as he realized Jaemin had masterminded the whole thing. “You… you told them?”
Jaemin gave him a pointed look. “I did. And you’re gonna thank me later.”
Before Mark could protest any further, he heard your voice from behind him. “I’m here.”
Mark turned around, his heart pounding in his chest as he saw you standing there, looking as nervous as he felt.
Jaemin stepped back, a sly grin on his face. “You two figure it out. I’ll leave you to it.”
As Jaemin walked away, Mark stood there, unsure of how to approach the situation. He wanted to run, but Jaemin’s words echoed in his head: You can’t just leave things like this.
You looked at him, eyes filled with uncertainty, and Mark’s heart sank seeing your disheveled state. He had to fix this. And he was going to try, no matter how scared he was.
Mark stood frozen for a moment, staring at you as you approached. His heart hammered in his chest, and all he could think was how easy it would be to turn around and walk away. To just disappear before this moment could get any more uncomfortable. But as much as he wanted to run, he couldn’t. Not when you had been so patient, so understanding—he owed you this conversation.
“Mark,” You called out softly, your voice hesitant but steady.
He exhaled, pushing the thought of escape aside, and turned to face you. You looked just as uncertain as he felt, and it made the guilt rise within him all over again.
You silently walked to a nearby bench, and Mark sat down first, his hands gripping the edge of the seat as if it could anchor him to reality. You sat beside him, her posture stiff, like you were preparing for some awful outcome.
After a long pause, you broke the silence. “Why have you been avoiding me?” you asked, voice a little softer than he expected, clearly you were nervous.
Mark felt his stomach drop, a wave of regret crashing over him. “Y/N, I…” He ran a hand through his hair, avoiding her gaze. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I said that. I just… I was confused. I’ve been confused for a while.”
You frowned, clearly still unsure of where this was going. “Confused about what?”
“I—” He cut himself off, trying to find the right words. He didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to risk ruining their friendship, but there was no other way around it. “I’ve been in love with you, Y/N. For a long time now. And I didn’t know how to deal with it. So, I tried to ignore it.”
Your breath hitched, and you turned your head to look at him, your wide eyes betraying her mask of calmness. “What?”
“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” he continued, voice thick with anxiety. “I was afraid that if I told you, you’d never want to talk to me again. And I’ve… I’ve been avoiding you ever since, because I thought if I just stayed away, it would be easier.”
You shook your head slowly, eyes glistening as you processed his words. “Mark… you’re my best friend. You should have told me.”
“I know. I should have,” he muttered, feeling even more ashamed. “I messed up. And then I lashed out at you, and that was stupid.”
You sigh deeply, and then, surprisingly, smile softly at him. “It’s okay, Mark. I get it now. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it, but I was just too scared to admit how I felt.”
Mark’s eyes widened. “Wait, what do you mean?”
“I mean,” you continued, your voice trembling a little, “I’m in love with you, too. I just didn’t want to mess things up, either. I didn’t want to lose our friendship.”
Mark’s heart skipped a beat. He blinked at you, his mind racing to process your confession. “You… you love me?”
You nodded slowly. “Yeah. And I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. I’m sorry I acted the way I did and I’m sorry for always bringing up Jaemin around you, I just—”
Mark could feel the weight of it all crashing down on him. His chest tightened, and the guilt that had been gnawing at him for weeks was replaced by a rush of clarity. He couldn’t let this moment slip away, not after everything the two of you had been through.
Before you could say another word, Mark reached out, cupping your face gently with his hand. He leaned in and kissed you, his lips pressing against yours with a softness that made your heart race.
Your eyes widened in surprise, and you pulled back slightly, voice shaky. “Oh my god.”
Mark chuckled softly, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t wait any longer.”
You blinked, still processing everything. “I… I didn’t expect that.”
Mark smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I wasn’t planning on it either. But I guess it was time for me to stop being an idiot.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “You’re not an idiot, Mark. You’re just… well, maybe a little bit. But I’m glad we’re talking about this now.”
He nodded, his smile growing wider. “Me too. And, uh, I guess we can’t just go back to how things were, right?”
You grinned, your eyes twinkling. “Yeah, I don’t think we can. But I’m okay with that.”
Mark took a deep breath, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “So, what now?”
You thought for a moment before shrugging. “I think we should just… figure it out. We already know each other so well, so maybe it’ll be easy.”
Mark grinned, feeling a warmth spread through him. “Yeah, I think we can make it work.”
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹
AUTHOR'S NOTE 𝟅𝟈 omg another fic we cheered. thank u to the like 20 people who like my writing i really appreciate it. lmk if you have any requests pls
masterlist.
#jaeyunluvbot#kpop#nct dream#nct 127#y/n#college au#mark lee#lee minhyung#mark#neo culture technology#friends to lovers#maybe angst#happy ending#jaemin#chenle#lee haechan
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a little soft bf minghao brainrot bc i felt like it. super era shoulder injury hao.
you set your bags down on the counter, dropping your keys by the front door and going to put your things away. by the time you've shrugged out of your jacket, hung it up in the front closet and put your purse in its usual spot on the credenza table in the hallway you're ready to melt into the sofa but there's still more to do before you can relax.
when you get to the kitchen, halfway through tying your hair up out of your face, you find yourself smiling. the familiar sight of your boyfriend's back, clad in his usual leisure attire of grey sleeveless top that leaves just a hint of his shoulders visible, peeks out of the fridge. he's already started putting the groceries away before anything gets too warm. just when you think your fondness for him can’t melt your heart any more than it already has he leans back to look at you from around the door and his soft smile has your heart in shambles.
if it’s possible to become one with the floor you're doing it. you've become a puddle. his shaggy mullet is in disarray, fluffy from where he's run his hands through it, and his face is bare. his usually sharp eyes are framed by big round glasses, softening his gaze as he closes the fridge in favour of coming over to press a kiss to your forehead.
"hi darling, welcome home. how was your day?"
you'd think after all this time you'd be used to how tall he was but it was still always a bit of a surprise just how much he towered over you up close. you sighed, letting him pull you into a hug and sliding your arms around his slim waist.
"hi. it was okay, very long."
he chuckles and you close your eyes, head resting against his chest. you're careful to lay it against the side of his good shoulder, nuzzling against the soft cotton of his shirt as his hand comes up to rest against the back of your head.
"i'm glad to finally be home. what did you get up to today handsome?"
the hand on your waist squeezes lightly and he holds you close for a minute before stepping back with another kiss to the top of your head.
"physio this morning again and then practice, even though I can't do a lot of the choreo yet they still need me for blocking when I can make it. mingyu came by earlier and dropped off some hotpot. why don't you go get into something more comfortable and we can talk about it over dinner?"
sometimes there was nothing better than coming home to everything already being taken care of. you know he misses being at work but being home more means minghao needs things to do. his physiotherapist also says that getting some movement in is good for his progress, so he's been taking care of household chores and spending a lot more time meditating lately to keep himself busy.
the members have been helping when they can. mingyu comes by or gets your boyfriend out of the house at least three times a week now. jun's often over in his free time to run lines with hao or catch up on the latest cdrama you're watching together. you think joshua has even dragged him out to a pottery class or two in their spare time. it's been good for him and the rest is doing him good, even if it makes him a little bit restless sometimes.
you nod. "i'll be right back. do you need me to help with anything?"
"no, just relax and leave the day at the office jagiya."
easier said than done but minghao always made you feel less guilty about sticking by work life balance and keeping them mostly separate. it's also been fun spending more time cooking together, he's good in the kitchen just a little impatient and you're enjoying getting to try out some of his mother's recipes. she's often on video call when you get home, minghao pouting about something while she scolds him playfully or they catch up on their weeks with each other. it's sweet and you love that their relationship only seems to get stronger as time goes on.
"you're still coming to the company dinner next week with me, right?"
another soft smile as he nods. "I'll be there darling. I didn't pick us out matching outfits just to not show up. now stop worrying and go change. you're hovering again."
you are, just a little bit. it's a habit you're still trying to work your way out of. you were a little traumatized when you got the call that hao was in the hospital at first and, though you both know he's fine and capable now, the instinct to make sure he's okay still lingers a little bit.
you sigh and make a face at him. "okay, okay. I'm going."
he just chuckles as you head towards your shared bedroom. makeup and weight of the day finally removed it's time to slip into one of hao's oversized tshirts and the matching cotton pyjama pants he bought for you last christmas. it feels like a cozy day so you take the time to find your slippers too before shuffling back towards the kitchen.
you find minghao stirring a pot of what seems to be mingyu's latest attempt at comfort food and slip your arms around his waist from behind, face pressed lightly against his warm back.
"smells good."
he hums in agreement, hand patting yours where it rests on his stomach. "I think he made enough to feed about seven more people than we currently have in the apartment."
you laugh and lean around him to peek at the food over his arm. "gyu probably plans to use it as an excuse to come over for lunch tomorrow or something. oh no guess you need someone else to help you eat it all."
that makes your boyfriend scoff. "why would he do that when he can just say he wants to come over? he knows where we live."
you kiss his bicep and move to get down some bowls for you both. "because he's kim mingyu and you're you myungho."
your boyfriend stops to look at you, blinking as he pauses his stirring. "I'm still not seeing your point love."
"you know how you don't like when people get too presumptuous about you?" you smile softly. "I wouldn't say he's intimidated because gyu knows you love him but... sometimes he's a little insecure and sometimes you can be a little cold."
he considers this. "he's never let that stop him before."
you smile and let him guide you, one hand on your hip as you slide between him and the pot on the stove to fill your bowls.
"and he won't, I don't think, because at the end of the day he knows that it isn't that you don't like his affection you just don't always know what to do with it and it needs time to process. but I think, and maybe this is just my take, he sometimes worries a little about intruding too much. especially now that you have a relationship outside of just your family and the members and your other friends."
it's quiet for a minute as he takes that in. you dish up hot pot for both of you and take the bowls over to your small dining table. minghao slowly follows behind, face impassive. you'd worry that you upset him but you know that expression. it's not anger or annoyance, he's just lost in thought. you take his hand, press a kiss to the back of it, and watch as he blinks back into the present.
"think about it all you need but let's eat first. like I said, maybe I'm just reading too much into it. maybe he has other reasons. we can finish that new drama and call him later if you want."
your boyfriend nods and joins you at the table, filling you in on his day. you can tell he's only half present but that's okay. by the time you finish and wash up he seems to have come to a decision.
"love?"
"yes myungho?"
he scrunches his nose. "try again please darling."
you laugh but the arms he crosses over his chest tell you he's serious. you smile softly, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek.
"yes, seo myungho great love of my life and most wondrous of boyfriends?"
he snorts. "closer but still not correct."
"baobei?"
he blinks. "close enough."
you laugh and brush a hand over his cheek, melting a little when he leans into the touch and takes your hand in his.
"you know I'm only teasing you, right?"
he nods. "I do."
you lace your fingers and press a kiss to the back of his hand. "what did you want to say honey?"
"do you mind if mingyu comes over tomorrow? I know it's your day off."
"babe, this is your apartment too."
minghao sighs. you know that look. the exasperated 'are you being serious right now?' stare. you smile.
"no, I don't mind if gyu comes over. just maybe warn me beforehand so I can make sure I have pants and a bra on this time."
that makes him smile, just a little, even as he rolls his eyes at you.
"come help me with my skincare?"
"only if you let me use the good stuff."
"mm we can even wear those matching headbands you like."
"lead the way love."
sometimes all you need after a long day is xu minghao ready with a hot meal, a long hug and a silly fuzzy frog headband keeping the bangs out of his face as he applies 6 layers of different creams to your face.
#seventeen#boyfriend#svt#seventeen fluff#svt drabbles#svt fluff#xu minghao#seo myungho#minghao#hao#minghao x reader#minghao x you#seventeen x reader#bf seventeen#seventeen drabbles#seventeen blurbs
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haven't been here in a while. hope everyone's doing ok
#i still keep up with the news#but life has been very busy for me lately#and i'm all over the place#will try to get back here#how is everyone doing
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snow over cold wires / nerine sarniensis
#scanned a file folder of old drawings and symbols that I was making during overnight shifts at a job that I really hated#I’m fucking w/ them digitally rn while my mind sorts itself; more otw probably#life is busy but the Itch remains in the back of my mind. It’s been frustrating me lately though#my desire to create has outpaced my skills. I want to learn more; practice new things — so difficult parsing out where to place my attention#can someone smart teach me how to articulate my desire for growth. so I can make a plan or smthn#but tbh I’d need to be independently wealthy or a very smart 10 year old to have the time to commit to learning new skills#*multi-facted* new skills tbf#my art#glitch art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#internetcore#glitchcore#abstract#artists on tumblr
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feeling like a 25yo modern woman going out on dates and taking care of my apartment 😌
#life's been good just busy#i realize random people are cool#and somehow i'm the interesting one in the people i date?#how did this happen??#residency has been very busy#i get up at 5am and get home at 8pm#so no fandom time for me#it's been really rewarding though!!!#i've always wanted to be an ADULT like this#like... stress lots of stress but also??? kinda like it#i like that i have my place and a daily job and can still have fun#and meet new people and be like 'wow we are so not alike' but still laugh#been enjoying some ttpd and true crime shows lately#just finished reading tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow SO GOOD#anyway these have been life updates#don't worry i still write and gif#i just have ZERO time right now <3333#love you all!!!!#sofia rambles#personal life
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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I saw from a post about how many asks you have and I was wondering why not just answer one ask then use that as your daily post? (I'm pretty sure you post daily from my memory)
I'm not a writer so apologies if I sound a bit rude or oblivious. But I think you don't do that because it might get tiring to write an in-character response each day.
I'm actually an Insane Person and ideally would be posting hourly/bi-hourly, if only I ever found enough content to queue up in such a manner,,
But, basically the delays can be summed up in three parts: tired or busy (lumping these together as one problem), no idea how to respond just yet (or respond in a way that satisfies me,) or I have ideas but they're art based and take more time.
I do have some wips for some art answers saved I think, but I've got, like, a single commission remaining on my docket and I refuse to let myself do other art until it's finished (barring one sketch I did for the sake of my sanity.... I cannot stress enough how much of a fight it is to get myself to do full shading and backgrounds 💀 mistakes were made.)
Now, admittedly, it's been a minute since I took a crack at writing out some more thoughtful or lengthy responses for some of the asks I've gotten- so far as I recall, at least- but the dissatisfaction problem is Extremely Real. No joke, I've had an ask sitting in my queue for several months now because I was like "yeah this is good enough," queued it, and then just before it could post I was overcome with an Intense distaste for it. I really liked the question and thought I could do better. (And still clearly have not done better....) Writing Kim honestly comes really naturally to me, and I could never really get tired of it, but sometimes an ask throws a curveball at me in a way that I just really cannot quite wrap my head around responding to. Other times, I get asks that I just can't let myself answer in a subpar manner- either the ask itself or the implications of the answer I concoct end up mattering too much to me, so I get super in my head about finalizing the reply.
And then me being tired is just a skill issue. (I'm joking; this only applies to like the last month or so, but I actually started taking some new medications recently that have been messing with me just a little in this respect. Sometimes I get tired, and when they DO give me the pep to do things, I've admittedly been trying to direct that energy into getting my life together lol)
#i really have just kinda been busy lately. doctors appointments- my roommate moving out- SO. MANY. BIRTHDAYS-#so that's also a factor in things. im kinda floundering over here... drowning in an endless sea of shit I need to do to get my affairs in +#+order...#also i am like. an adult. so i have a life that HAS to be tended to in some respects. just kinda tacking that on bc ik some people forget +#+I'm 24. I'm not busy in the way most people my age are but I DO have things I need to do/be doing. (which unfortunately may eventually +#+lead to me being busy in the same way most people my age are. life's a bitch like that. hopefully it wont be an issue though]#i literally overthink everything and it is a Problem. look at how much rambling you're getting just here. insane#i need to go to bed i think im forcing myself to let this be the answer i have for you 💀 if you have further questions i can answer later#asks#anon#ooc#txt#actually just one more little thing. the kim rp/ask blog aspect of this blog was also very much an outlet for me as i was dealing with +#+some really frustrating things in my personal life. I'm still dealing with those things but on a smaller scale now? and I'm also no +#+longer locked into this being my ONLY coping method for it. lately I've been getting back into playing whatever games i feel like- it's +#+been very freeing. in a single session I've apparently gotten 12% of the way through rdr2's story! something i very much wouldn't have +#+felt like I was ALLOWED to do prior to now#(also if this post contains any contradictions. i am a very conflicted and contradictory person. hope that helps 👍)
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my s/i for h.aar is a fellow wyvern rider and soldier, has a pet wyvern named olive that she loves dearly. for many many years, ash has been tying red ribbons into bows on olive's horns so that, even when they're in battle, olive can look super cute!
however, as ash and h.aar grow closer, so do their wyverns! eventually h.aar's wyvern (who I call damien) starts nudging and softly growling at ash because he wants ribbons too!!! he wants to match with olive!!!
#ash rambles 💚#i showed you my wyvern please respond 💤#i just think it's sooo cute!#ash has a bit of a thing for wyverns ajsjajsj theyre her favorite thing ever! shes usually a bit serious but shes always smiling when#shes talking to olive. it's what makes h.aar go 'oh. goodness. she isnt just sexy soldier lady. shes cute girl that makes me happy'#love is stored in your massive pet wyvern#in the future ash and h.aar get married and settle down on the countryside! they never pick up weapons again. ever.#they run that same cargo business h.aar has in game + they raise baby wyverns! they never have any children of their own#(ash teases and says that any children from h.aar will be ugly and sleepy like he is but it's a mutual agreement to not have any)#theyre very happy together with olive damien and their wyvern baby#idk it's just such a cute life!!! I'm so happy for them! theyre both so tired of war and I'm glad they get to live faaar away from it#but back to the og point of this post. massive wyvern with cute ribbons!!!#it's very therapeutic to ash to be able to climb olive pet her + talk to her + tie her ribbons#shes been with olive since she was in her late teens-early 20s#(shes just a little younger than h.aar so in her early-mid 30s in-game)#i have three t.ellius s/is! my t.ibarn one is a fierce queen of the hawks who leads her people with pride#the wyvern-obsessed beorc that we see here#and. of course. m.uarim has the black cat laguz that likes climbing things and goes meow meow and purrs if you pet her ^._.^#okay i think thats it akdjajsjs ive rambled enough for one post
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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actually it's really funny to me that now every time i think of throwing luke carder into a story my default luke for it is Some variation of a lucky jumbo luke
ofc part of this is jus bc . my beloved au . but also part of it (that i think ive talked about before) is that like,, luke lives in my head rent free in the Doomed Blorbo complex. i love that he is doomed! i love that his is a story over from the very beginning!
and because of that,, i dont really Want to alter anything that happened to him 'in game'. do i like thinking about his thought process during it? sure, i dig into his brain like a worm into a rotten apple. but at the end of the day everything still occurs. inscryption still gets deleted and he still gets shot. i dont want to change that, because it removes some of the inherent Doom of his character. but i do want to put Doomed Luke into Situations. so i need a luke who exists After inscryption despite being Killed by inscryption. enter the block people,
#the cryptid speaks#lucky jumbo <3#in a vision au#i love having a blog i can simply force people to listen to me and my thoughtsing#it's hard to do things with luke During the events of inscryption bc the threshold point of him Realizing he's doomed is pretty late#like 'already gone mad and very shortly to be dead because of it' late#meanwhile my different lj lukes exist in a Perfect space where a) they know their doom b) i have a basic context to write them in#and it has the bonus of allowing me to continue giving luke and mumbo a beautiful life <3#anyways . what if i put luke in a timeloop-#(guy who may not be totally joking but is For Now bc it is BUSY voice) like jus . hypothetically#actual lj!luke i swear you are not forgotten but honestly u probably want a break from me rn anyways . i have not been kind to u . <3
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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I won't be online much here this month. read tag for more info.
#{ i know i normally not very active here when it comes to ic but i'm usually here just watching / reading post#but ! i'm currently dealing with finishing stuff with college ( such as submitting info on my disability / payment / etc )#i also got a 'new' pc so ive been going through the process of getting things back slowly... and i will be leaving this month to travel#with my family on the 22 ! so this month is going to be super busy. if i get tag into any post than i am sorry that i'll be doing them#a little late ! i am somewhat active on discord but not by much but yeah ! thats my update ! this summer has been really busy for me. }#* XIII ⫶ life is short. the art long ⊹ ( out of character. )
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youtube
Your Werewolf Boyfriend is Worried About You
#redacted audio#redacted youtube update#milo greer#milo update#mod dany#sorry about being so all over the place with activity#life has been very busy for me lately#Youtube
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