#but its so frustrating at the same time lol
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hihii i hope ur doing well and that ur day is okay! I want to request and sorry for disturbing you..😔
Can i ask for like a arcane characters x reader whos lazy and sleeps literally all day it ain't healthy and lowki refuse to do any type of physical labor? Yet at the same time they strong af and can handle their opponents just fine they js rather not too? Lol like they have sm potential and they know it yet they dont wanna utilize it
It's ok u dont wanna do it heheh
A/n: Don't worry lol soo I hope you like it !!
You sleep all the time
Vi, Jinx, Caitlyn, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel
Masterlist
Vi
Vi storms into the room, frustration etched across her face. “Seriously? You’re just gonna sit there while I’m breaking my back out here?” Her voice rises slightly, but you don’t flinch. Instead, you lift your head from your spot on the couch and grin.
“If you’ve got it handled, why would I bother?” you reply, stretching like a cat.
She growls under her breath, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re impossible!”
But the moment chaos breaks out in the Lanes, you’re the first to move. Vi watches in awe as you take down an entire group of enforcers like it’s a casual workout. By the time she catches up, you’re already dusting your hands off and heading back to your nap spot.
“Next time, warn me before you go Hulk-mode,” she mutters, but there’s admiration in her smirk.
Jinx
Jinx is sprawled across the workshop table, tossing random tools in the air. “You know, you’re like a sloth. A really ripped sloth. Like, how does that even happen?”
“Natural talent,” you reply lazily, barely opening your eyes from your nap.
She doesn’t let up, poking you with a wrench. “C’mon, do something cool! Throw me across the room or something.”
It’s not until you hear the unmistakable sound of danger—an intruder sneaking into her lair—that you move. In a flash, you’ve subdued the threat, pinning them down effortlessly. Jinx whistles low.
“Well, I’ll be damned. I take it back. You’re more of a lion pretending to be a house cat.”
Caitlyn
Caitlyn has tried every method to get you off your metaphorical couch—reasoning, bribing, even a structured plan—but nothing sticks. You always shrug her off with a lazy smile.
“Why should I lift a finger when I can just avoid it altogether?” you tease.
Her patience wears thin when a high-stakes chase leads to her being cornered by an armed gang. She’s mentally preparing herself for a fight when you appear out of nowhere, effortlessly disarming every single one of them.
“I thought you didn’t want to do physical labor,” she says, breathless.
“Only when it’s boring,” you reply, cracking a rare grin.
Ekko
Ekko can’t understand why you refuse to help out with the Firelights. “You’ve got so much potential! We need you!”
You wave him off, yawning. “You’ve got this under control, don’t you?”
It’s not until you both get ambushed during a supply run that he sees your strength firsthand. One moment you’re lounging against a wall, the next you’re tossing attackers left and right, your movements precise and calculated.
Ekko is stunned into silence as the dust settles.
“Guess I should help more often, huh?” you say with a smirk. He shakes his head, grinning. “Yeah, maybe. Just don’t get used to slacking again.”
Jayce
Jayce sees your laziness as both a mystery and a challenge. “You could be a hero, you know. Why don’t you want to make a difference?”
“Because saving the world is exhausting,” you reply, sprawled out across his lab bench.
He’s about to launch into another lecture when a loud crash interrupts him. Someone’s trying to steal Hextech. Before Jayce can react, you’re already there, lifting the thief like they weigh nothing and tossing them out the door.
Jayce stares at you, wide-eyed. “Why don’t you do that all the time?”
“Because you’re here to handle it,” you say with a wink.
Viktor
Viktor watches you curiously, his analytical mind trying to piece together your contradictions. “You possess remarkable strength, yet you avoid its application. Why?”
“Because life’s too short to sweat the small stuff,” you reply, lounging against the wall.
He doesn’t fully understand your logic until one of Silco’s men shows up, trying to intimidate him. You intervene without hesitation, dismantling the threat with clinical precision.
Viktor blinks in surprise. “You are an enigma.”
You grin lazily. “And you’re welcome.”
Mel
Mel’s sharp gaze follows you as you avoid yet another council meeting. “You could achieve so much if you applied yourself,” she says, her voice dripping with intrigue.
“Or I could enjoy my life without unnecessary effort,” you counter, reclining in her lavish chair.
When the council chambers are attacked, she doesn’t expect you to act—but you do. With a flick of your wrist, you disarm the attackers, your movements a perfect blend of power and elegance.
Mel’s lips curve into a small smile. “Perhaps I underestimated you.”
“And perhaps I prefer it that way,” you reply, settling back down as if nothing happened.
Requests may be sent through the ask box. Only SFW.
#arcane x reader#arcane#vi x reader#vi x you#vi arcane#jinx x reader#jinx x you#jinx arcane#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn x you#caitlyn arcane#ekko x reader#ekko x you#ekko arcane#jayce x reader#jayce x you#jayce arcane#viktor x reader#viktor x you#viktor arcane#mel medarda#mel x reader#mel x you#mel arcane
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Mmm, I'm stuck on Fact and Friction, which is not like a serious roadblock kind of stuck. Most of the next chapter is done beyond connecting Pony's interaction with Daryl to the first half.
But I'm tempted to write about the encounter from Daryl's perspective. It wouldn't be enough to be its own chapter (and I don't want to go over everything immediately again from a different point).
So, I guess I'm stuck on what to do with it when I decide to write it. I could always alter it enough to be a reader insert instead of Pony. But then, there are sections where I've thought of expanding more on what's going on behind the scenes, like a fun summer scene with the other pairings not central to the story and more Daryl's POV later on.
Anyway, there'll be a new chapter this week, regardless of whatever else I do.
#awl daryl#rambles as i think about what to do#would that be anything anyone is interested in?#i'll have it for my daryl collection regardless#i guess i'm just not sure where to dump things when i do them#i like feeling inspired to write#but its so frustrating at the same time lol#i should go work on the last of the first kiss prompts instead#they require less thought and detours
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So does anybody else ever think about how Loop felt the need to demonstrate that the party's deaths wouldn't have any effect on the loops. I know I do but that's besides the point. Anyway I don't think Loop actually needs to bathe, they just like to feel included.
#'but lucabyte didnt you already do a comic with this exact same message? that loop has potentially killed their party intentionally before?'#yes i did absolutely do that thank you for noticing. that is what the cannibalism comic is about. no that was not a metaphor. lol#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sifloop#isat siffrin#isat loop#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#lucabyteart#ill ramble elsewhere some other time. maybe in a text post. but. long and short of it: even if you assume the answer to 'how do they know'#is that in sasasap isa got frozen once. theres still the fact that the loops are from sif being too distressed. how far gone does a siffrin#have to be before they can witness a party member die and notice it has no effect. how does loop feel to have planned to kill the party#during act 3. why did they NEED to show sif that. are they trying to preemtively stop them from getting the idea in their head#that maybe that might work? when they're out of all other options? when they just get so frustrated and at wits end?#loop helps in subtle ways through the whole game. and in less subtle ways like begging sif not to use the dagger. and while yes the#overarching reason you need to learn that the loops are tied to sif is because you need to figure out wish craft.... loop doesn't know the#actual mechanics of the loops themselves. just what didn't work. the power of friendship. getting the final hit in. being perfect. etc...#and besides all that.. how did loop feel during that hangout. being so deceitful. especially since before the other shoe drops#sif is enjoying themselves. but they know what's coming the whole time.#as for: why bathing? its the obvious imagery for blood on their hands/washing/never being clean. and is a bit of an inversion of the other#piece i just drew with the other casual closeness and nudity being kind. this one is cruel instead.#anyway tag ramble over ill do a masterpost of all my fanwork with some directors commentary sometime i promise. since i know im often vague
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~ "With dogs, you're always smiley." - "... There's one dog that won't get to see me smile. What are you doing here? Are you here to consult the dog since you started school three weeks late?" ~ "Just pet the dog. Don't turn into one."
~ "Why are you looking at me? Say what you want." - "... Nothing. The dog is pretty cute, wouldn't you say?"
#nof's nonsense#spongebob title card 2 days later...#i have spent upwards of like. 10 hours trying to figure out how i want this to look and well. whatever.#throws it to the wind#ecllipsis gif has to be pixelly#i just rly like that second scene bc its like. the first time akk is silly/flirty around aye. so i wanted to gif it#and then i remembered that that other scene literally takes place in the same ep two days earlier. hilarious. akk can NOT keep his promises#also aye getting flicked w water is funny#the eclipse#gifset#nofedits#ayeakk#idc if ppl call it akkaye its ayeakk to me.#gifs are fun to make and format and stuff however. i get sucked in. spent like 7 straight hours working on it last night#haha. tbf i was very indecisive this time. ended up throwing a lot of ideas out#and its not even that unique. but whatever it's something to do. fun and frustrating at the same time#thaiql#the eclipse the series#usually post gifs in the middle of the night but im doing it now so i dont try to change things again later lol#sorry mutuals#nofedits.eclipse
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boyfriend shirt...
update: if you like this art, please go check out this fic that @chessala wrote for it ╥﹏╥
update cont: this is the first time someone's ever written something for art that I've made, and I'm still so happy and touched beyond words that she wrote this. she was even kind enough to share the initial draft with me and asked for feedback and even worked in little suggestions i had for expanding on different parts of the writing, which was so fun and collaborative and I haven't gotten to do something like that in ages. I'm so overwhelmed (in a good way) and it feels like getting to beam the full mental vision of the scenario i had in my brain while working on this piece into the mind of anyone who reads it; ;
i know these close up crops are a bit silly but well. i did my best lol... the full version is up on my alt twitter linked in my pinned post ♡
please also observe the little 🐰 logo.... it is silly & crucial....
#ssmy#sasaki to miyano#miyano yoshikazu#sasaki shuumei#to say this piece exhausted me is an understatement lol...#i had to completely restart 4 times & because i used the same file the whole time my total hours were logged...#and i literally spent over 120 hours on this from start to finish... the last few days alone was over 20 hours...#this final attempt that ended up working was probably at least 50 or more hours on its own...#I'm mostly happy with how it's turned out but I'm kind of frustrated cause people might look at it and think it's just a sketch#when it's actually a fully rendered piece that i almost gave up on multiple times because the anatomy was so hard to figure out#even after making a pose ref in clip studio to help... the 3d puppet models are great but they DO NOT work well for any sitting poses#sorry to complain so much in the tags lol... i am very sleep deprived and just not feeling great about my art...#frustrated that my adhd makes it so that i have a million ideas - but only the capacity to follow through on any of them extremely slowly..#so i end up feeling like I'm just... i dunno. slow and falling behind... agh 😞#I need to sleep.....#update: i finally had a good night's sleep and now I'm feeling a bit better lol
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flashing colors & loud audio warning
remixed a dust dust curse animation meme on scratch ^_^ this is just so. billy core to me. hes miserable horray
code: YEET_THE_TIGER (scratch) art: kitteqq
#brickbattler#billybloxxer#william billy bloxxer#bettybloxxer#bethany betty bloxxer#defaultguest#roblox#roblox fanart#roblox art#fanart#flashing#flashing lights#artists on tumblr#illustration#scratch#animation meme#crowpost#crowart#this frustrated me to nooo end i have so many bitter and painful things to say to this guy and this project#prject took like the whole day i mean in the span of 12 hours it was painful. also first introduction remix to scratch itself as a website#also messed up the first project and had to export inport everything into another remix project bc i messed up the code#and i didnt know how to evne fix that sooo back at it again. sigh#i hope this guy stays miserable forever in that sealed area#tagging his trio bc they appeared briefly btw lol#i got it done tho!!!! finally!! crossed off smth on my to do list at least so my future self can be happy#brief notes but like snzz his outfit is mostly teared up and gonna have to be restitched constantly#also that he would . keep his trios belongings... hat. or cape. or something.#its a shame that betty doesnt have any items to hold onto like how default does#betty and billly do wear the same outfit though. i wonder that if billy ever looks into his reflection and is reminded of betty every time
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Your swsh art always makes me want to replay the game because i love it and its my favorite pokemon game and every time i play another pokemon game i think of it how i miss certain elements from swsh. Then i boot up the game and im once again caught in the 1 hour 40 minutes hand held intro and im like ah- now i remember why i have been playing other pokemon games instead of this one. Happy (late?) birthday!
you don't want to listen to hop? you don't want to hear him teach you about type matchups? you don't wanna let him cheer u on...? 🥺 waa....?
#ask#bakuspeech#I am joking to be clear lmao#thank u happy bday to me !!#tbh I got real used to pokemon overexpositioning since sumo lol. it's kind of a boon for me#cause I'm not a Gamer™ and my brain takes stuff on Very slowly#so the tutorial stuff and the cutscenes give me time to catch up. also it's still fun to see these guys run around#I am in fact here for these guys lol. weird thing to say about the game built on and with an essential focus on the pokemon I know#I just like humans! I just like watching hop running circles around my player character all excited#and leon being a dick to his hometown people when they're expecting 'leon' back and they get the champion instead#and you get to see sonia used to dealing with it but the frustration never fully fades and how close she is to hop and that picture's bleak#listen this is my bread&butter lol. leon really doesn't show up That much himself around the game he's a shadow casted over the story#it's always interesting to me! does Not mean it's not sluggish to other people who want to play the game lmao#but I like it. also the tutorial at least the first time around was necessary to me bc the difficulty scales way up later on lol#it's a very good first pokemon game I maintain this. sumo never managed to teach me the same way swsh did#I still care drampa tho thank u drampa for being real I love u#lmao it feels like saying I'm not a Gamer™ violates some tenets of having adhd somehow. but its just the case here#the main genres I play are 'itch games tangential to the haunted ps1 people' and 'popcap-style casual games'#my sport's figuring out shapes n movin my stylus sadly. well not sadly why would that be sad
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Growling biting hissing screaming Tumblr dot com doesn't have a real fandom for Requiem For A Dream crying screaming throwing up
Tw: caps and drug mentioned
WHENEVER I OPEN THE TAG FOR THIS MOVIE IT'S ALL ABOUT MARIAM AND HARRY'S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND GIF/SCREENSHOTS ABOUT THEIR LOVE AND ITS SOOO FRUSTRATING
Like it's nice that people can relate to their love but THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT HOW DRUGS RUINED THEIR LIVES. WHY DO I HAVE TO OPEN YOUTUBE AND GOOGLE TO SEE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT IT???!! WHY CANT WE TALK ABOUT THE WAY SHOTS ARE DONE AND HOW ACTORS KILLED IT AND HOW SAD THEIR LIVES HAVE BECAME AND HOW NEITHER SARAH NOR HARRY KNOWS HOW TERRIBLE EACH OTHER BECAME BECAUSE OF DRUGS???
Sarah, if she even has consciousness at this point, is probably thinking at least her dear, handsome son is studying at a great university and doing better than her; while Harry could only wish that his dear mother is doing much better than how him and his friends are doing.
AND WHAT ABOUT SARAH'S NEIGHBOURS?? THEY SUGGESTED THE FAKE/BAD DOCTOR TO HER, SO SHE CAN LOOSE WEIGHT FASTER! THEY WERE CLEARLY HORRIFIED TO SEE HER GET OUT OF HER HOUSE TOWARDS THE END OF THE MOVIE BECAUSE SARAH WAS HORRIBLE?? WHAT ABOUT THE GUILT OF KILLING YOUR CLOSE FRİEND UNINTENTIONALLY??
AND MARIAM LITERALLY GAVE HER BODY TO PAY THE BILLS AND TYSON GOT LOCKED UP IN PRISON FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE AND HARRY LOST HIS ARM AND SARAH FUCKING DIED (?) AND AAAA
Why the fans (?) here are not talking about the characters and events of this movie instead of posting the same sex/love scene between Marian and Harry 74747th time???? Their love is just the part of this movie, but it's not what it is about!!!
#badger posts shit#requiem for a dream#2000s movies#btw i'm sure if i'm remembering Sarah's friends seeing her scene towards the end or making it up#the one before she went on the bus/metro to join to show#ALSO DONT EVEN TELL ME THAT THIS MOVIE IS OLD THEREFORE IT'S NOT REALLY CARED FOR#M A A A AAANY CLASSIC HORROR MOVIES THAT ARE FAMOUS STILL TO THIS DAY ARE FROM THE SAME AREA AS REQUIEM FOR A DREAM!!!!#IF YOU CAN LOVE SAW AND FINAL DESTINATION AND FRIDAY THE 13TH AND SCREAM AND HALLOWEEN; THAN YOU CAN LOVE RFAD TOO#IT DESERVES TO BE FAMOUS AND GET DISCUSSES ABOUT TOO FFS!! NOT TO BE TURNED INTO ANOTHER ONE OF TUMBLR'S LOVE STORY POSTS#THIS MOVIE IS NOT ANOUT MARIAM AND HARRY'S LOVE ITS ABOUT ADDICTION AND DRŰGS AND HOW IT RUINS LIVES#btw its fine if Mariam and Harry's love gives you comfort idc.#but its so fucking frustrating for me to open the tags for this movie only to see Mariam and Harry kissing and fűcking each other 558th time#instead of reading discussions about the movie#i was watching the movie with my mom and her friend and THAT ARM scene made us all gag because it was just so gross but in a good way#because you as an audience can see how fucked up his arm was - even Tyson could see it and reacted to it -#but Harry decided to Do It anyways! and it ended up turning into a Bad Thing for him (trying to be as vauge as possible lol)#WHY WE HAGE NO DISCUSSION ABOUT THE INFECTED (?) ARM SCENE??!! AND SARAH'S HALLUCINATIONS?#AND REST OF THE MOVIE AND ACTORS LIKE A FANDOM INSTEAD OF POSTING THE THING OVER AND OVER???
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(*・ω・*)b♪
#I'm a bit late but :)#Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol#I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime.#I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc#I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga.#But even then it's just...#Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage#It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless.#I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!!#For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate.#Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him.#And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally!#Do people irl never act irrationally?”#And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand.#But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read?#That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second–#so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol.#On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL.#The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭#I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies#(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.)#Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place#And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is–#blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but...#Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because–#a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay#Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao)#But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty.#random rambles
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...
#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
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Who up finally realising why a bunch of friendships ended with friends awkwardly confessing to them
#Putting this on this account to put on the vent tag because that's kinda what it is LMAO#fuckingghhhhh when I WANT to come off as flirting it don't and when I don't want to come off like that I do. Help#bendys vent tag so he can find it later#Kinda just. Eugh.#I kinda like someone rn sort of but at the same time I'm too preoccupied with myself to pursue that#Let alone the people I know for sure like ME. “Eekkk I have a crush but I can't say because he's here >_<”#and then they draw some demon or bespectacled guy and I'm like. Oh. Again.#I'm not even trying to like. Flatter myself. Because I'm not even attractive or nice#People like me for. No reason?? Probably the accidental flirting? But its not like they like ME as a person because theres nothing TO like#I'm just frustrated man idk. Let me have friends and maybe if I was prepared enough I'd try love again#Probably not though. Anyone I actually showed my personality to would not like me lol#Once again this is on the vent tag for a reason. If you read through all these tags I'm really confused but ok I guess#Just ranting here
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I am once again begging online shop payment processing companies to allow me to enter a separate name for shipping and separate name for billing!!
It's the same address, I'm just trans and have not legally changed my personal name, but I still prefer to receive mail as my preferred name! Like it's literally my professional name, I do business as my preferred name.
Annoying as fuck, and I don't want to chance my bank rejecting the payment (though I'm sure someone at my bank has put a note to allow it on my account by now, since I've contacted them a couple times before when I realized too late that the billing section didn't let me input another "address/name" section, and they said the payment was fine in those cases.)
Anyway, legal name changes should be free and non-advertised for everyone. Tbh, you should get a free name change every time you file your taxes on time as an incentive for good citizen behaviour. Once I am elected pres-
#i think the one i just used didnt even have a separate billing address option which makes no sense#guess they dont want anyone giving any gifts making the buyer pay twice for shipping like that#maybe it was a fault of the mobile browser but i highly doubt it since many desktop sites look like mobile browsers these days#just so fucking frustrating. what if i lived somewhere where my legal name would out me? (im in the closet rn so doesnt matter)#i dont want to fucking see my legal name. im already forced to see it everywhere else.#i dont wanna ruin my mood on a day when im supposed to be getting a package which should be a happy thing yknow#vent#transphobia#speaking of like i would change my name but i dont want to and cant afford the fucking ridiculous price for it#and i dont wanna advertise it in a newspaper either! shits expensive as fuck on top of the hundreds to file the court paperwork!#i already tried to do it once with money in hand and the receptionist told me that even tho it was for gender identity i could not...#...avoid the newspaper thing unless i also changed my legal gender marker. and i had to back out bc i have reproductive health problems#i dont want a gender marker change to fuck with my getting healthcare#(i did change the gender letter on my ID card later tho which only took a signature on a paper no hassle with anything)#it really really fucking sucks how all these little things add up all the time#especially when im closeted while living w family who wont even use my preferred name#the real kicker is that. both my dad and his dad used preferred names. my dad used his middle name#and i use part of my middle name. yet my dad even in death still gets the dignity of being called his preferred name and i dont#sexism at its finest#reasons why i dont even hint at being trans around my moms side bc i already got bullied by them for wanting to use my middle name#ive literally been asking them to call me my mid name since i was 12. and theyve been acting like im trying to be someone else#its the same middle name on my birth certificate they gave me. i dont understand why they wouldnt want me to use it#but yeah i stay closeted bc i dont wanna deal with the name drama amplified exponentially for gender#prob get kicked out too cuz theyre queerphobic as fuck and i cant work rn and dont have a car#id have to just go full feral and live in the woods with the lizards where i belong#Cori.exe#Post.exe#fuck lol just looked it up and u cant change ur first name if u get married. i cant avoid the fucking fee man. let me be cori#literally why is it cheaper to get married than change ur first name! bullshit! marriage has so much more legal implications#transphobic queerphobic aromanticphobic privacyphobic poorphobic shit ass fucking state ive literally been cori most of my life ffs cmon
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hateeeee having to rely on my mum to do everything for me still at the moment T_T feel so so soooo guilty having to ask her to help me wash and to change my dressings and to bring me meals every day and i am dreading so so soooo much having to go back to a&e at the weekend to get the stitches because the fact that i am going to be making her sit there for most likely 5+ hours when i know she despises waiting fills me with such self disgust T_T
#its GETTING TO ME i want to cry lol#was manageable for a couple of days but now its been 2 weeks of this asking for help with even small things makes me want to rip my own#skin off#my mum WILL make her frustration and impatience obvious while were waiting at a&e and i WILL be desperately trying not to cry about it#honestly i should be dreading going because of the actual stitches and waiting myself but it is so greatly overshadowed by my guilt#would go on my own but i know she wouldnt want that or let me either#desperately want to be cared for and looked after vs immeasurable guilt and self hatred for making people spend their time and effort caring#for me. arghhh#on the same note i really want to change my bedsheets but i cant bring myself to ask her :')) my older sister is coming home for a few day#tomorrow so i might ask her actually#god i hate taking up space having any impact on peoples lives makes me convinced i dont deserve to exist lol
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trying to find some oldass drawings of one of my first sonas i havent been able to find em yet but instead ive just been unearthing all these old notes an ex friend and i would pass to each other back in middle school
#fucking insane i forgot abt a lot of these. i feel kinda bad keeping them that person kind offfff completely ruined my and many of my#friends lives but also. theyre kinda funny to look back on idk#theres one they made that was like ‘i drew the 2 of us as guys haha no reason lol’. idk how he identifies now but back then they were#very very openly a lesbian and last time id heard of him he had transed his gender#i remmeber . so clearly feeling some kinda way abt the art i couldnt articulate at all at the time. Lol#god that whole situation was so fucked im not gonna get into all my personal middle school bullshit becuz it was soooo stupid but like. man#insane#i know ive always been kind of a pushover ill admit but its soooo frustrating looking back like. man..HOW did i just not say anything at al#i wouldnt have gotten into that whole mess if id just been honest 😭 i mean tbh that guy was . i dont want to say anything too like . awful#he was going through a lot absolutely had his own issues they were working thruwe were all like 12 but again .#completely ruined me nd my friends lives for a while . i feel like he wouldve just pulled rhe same thing w someone else as the main target#okay no i need to stop talking abt this i said i wouldnt over share#its mostly just funny seeing all the old art tbh. most of it was before shit got bad so its sorta bittersweet in a way#inquisitivewaltz.txt#i dint know why im talkign abt this sorry#this is honestly something i think abt a lot sometimes . especially the stupider nd more mundane bits#but it was such an awful part of all out lives i cant really discuss it much w friends#everyone else has a much more ‘thank god were not in that anymore now lets pretend it never happened’ outlook on it which is understandable#idk#sorry im oversharing again i need to start keeping a journal or some shit
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damn. did that many people really not like the original resource gathering system in hades ii? reading the patch notes and seeing they changed it so that you can now access all types of resources as long as you have the tools unlocked, not just the one you decide to take out on a run and i'm honestly disappointed. i really liked that feature and i wasn't really finding it too difficult to get the resources i needed that way? but ig maybe most ppl play faster than me/want to progress the upgrades/incantations faster... idk man. downside of playing EA i guess though! gonna be stuff i like that inevitably gets phased out
#the feedback system has felt a lil concerning to me tho cuz like. every time i go into the feedback channel in their discord i'm just seeing#the most dogshit opinions/suggestions#tho honestly i dont think they'll listen to those ppl cuz its mostly a) ppl essentially complaining that theyre not immediately good at it#and that the playstyle should go back to being the same as it was in hades#b) straight up misogyny bc there's a woman protagonist lmfao#idk so much of it feels like gamer bros who were good at hades aren't as good at hades ii & they cant cope.#its just frustrating bc i want to leave my feedback but i dont wanna touch the feedback channel bc its so full of idiots lol#anyways thats my rant
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ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...
#ok the back of the head is hard but the facial features proportions kind of feel easier to figure out . maybe.#weird#n e way im happy with the way i draw faces mostly maybe 50 percent of the time but im so not caught up on drawing bodies#like to the point it just looks bizarre#decent proportional face with like at least some understanding of structure/form even if it's not much#and then the stiffest clunkiest body you ever did see#or i can go the other way around and have an ok body. like decently fluid / proportional. but no face#theres some kind of disconnect. cant have both at once#thats only a sometimes thing though anyways. faces are generally easier#tried to do a teeny bit of gesture drawing yesterday but i was feeling sooo lazy and impatient so only 3 of them turned out ok ish#im pretty sure i post more often talking about art than i actually post art#i dont post most of the things i draw#i like to have my little secrets...#secrets in question are just literally anything that isnt adventure time art#actually looking through my art folder is crazy cause like if i saw this 3 years ago (i was really bad at drawing 3 years ago) i would. idk#drop dead or something#but now its like yeah same old same old. lots of problems. need to work on those.#but its nice to step back and be like woagh holy shit. massive improvement#earlier i was trying to dfraw a character and it wasn't coming out right but instead of getting frustrated and discouraged#it was more like i had this feeling of . idk. excitement to get better at drawing?#i dont know if this is just a temporary mood or maybe im turning over a new leaf. new optimistic mindset about art#<- watch that 'new mindset' totally disappear when i have a slightly more prolonged period of art struggle. lol
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