#but it remains 2 b seen if any of what i mentioned plays any sort of symbolic role whatsoever. maybe it does

[darcias]

Having some thoughts on the function of capital and property in ORV but im only 20% of the way through so we shall see

[thatgirl4815]

Intimacy Progression Per Couple (Ep 1)

In this tweet, Jojo mentions how sex will reappear throughout the series because all of the relationships are based upon it. This got me thinking about how we’ve seen these relationships progress so far (in sex and otherwise) and how these progressions are indicative of each couples’ plot down the line.

I mentioned once before that in terms of progression, the couples follow a semi-“Goldilocks” formula, though only where physical intimacy is concerned. From this standpoint, RaySand and BostonNick stand on opposite sides of the spectrum, with TopMew fitting nicely in the middle. It’s interesting that they’ve been laid out this way because 1) it creates variety and 2) this variety suggests the role sex could play in the foundations of each relationship.

RaySand

Before the series aired, I was massively confused about the distinction between Bed Friend and FWB (still am, tbh). But after episode 1, we know that RaySand has at least some emotional foundation to their relationship prior to their sleeping together. I believe in their case, they will be friendly towards each other (idk if I'd call it a "friendship" exactly) beforehand, unlike their direct counterpart BostonNick, who had sex before any sort of emotional connection was built.

RaySand’s story being noticeably devoid of romance so far (despite the obvious hints of it) is what leads me to believe that they have the greatest chance of working through their issues. This is not to say that any relationship rooted in sex from the get-go is doomed to fail, but the fact that we have been exposed to the individual aspects of Ray and Sand—namely, Ray’s drinking problem and Sand’s helpfulness—before their characterization as a couple implies that their relationship will focus a lot on their individual issues and how those pose a threat to relationships in general. For Ray, it seems pretty clear what those issues could be given his very obvious drinking and self-worth problem. For Sand, those issues still remain unclear.

Again, this is not to say that the other couples are not given individual characterization prior to their relationships with each other--with the exception of maybe Nick, given that we see him rather sparingly in this first episode and the only thing we see him do each time is a) thirst over Boston or b) hook up with Boston. So not too much to work with there (yet). While Sand is scarcely seen outside of his interactions with Ray in episode 1, these interactions notably say a lot about who he is as a person independent of Ray (helpful, frustrated, patient, forgiving, etc.). For Ray, we're provided some additional context for his self-worth issues from his interactions with his friends as well as Sand.

I don't think RaySand is going to remain chaste for very long considering the show we're watching, but the fact that we have been given a slower build to it could say something interesting about the nature of their relationship (and where sex is involved). My guess is that RaySand's relationship will be more rooted in the comforter-comfortee trope (for lack of a better term): Sand gives and Ray receives. These roles have already been set up in episode 1, and I think they will maintain them for a period of time before Ray's inability to give back to Sand (emotionally, as opposed to physically) forms a wedge between them (see Sand's "Focus on me for once, will you?").

I would argue that sex will bring Ray and Sand closer, but I think it will inevitably mean more to them once they realize that there are actual emotions involved; what one (or both) might imagine as a hookup soon becomes a dependency. Which brings me to...

BostonNick

As mentioned above, BostonNick establish a sexual relationship before anything else. The parameters, even now, are pretty clear: they don't know each other but they're attracted to one another, they hook up and continue to do so = FWB. The problem being that Nick starts to develop actual feelings, wanting an exclusive relationship with Boston who has no desire to be exclusive with anyone (except for maybe Top, but that's up for debate).

So far, the importance of sex to this relationship is pretty clear: it is the relationship, in fact. Based on the trailer, there is a very clear boundary that Boston wants to uphold that Nick is determined to challenge. For Boston then, sex is a selfish act (this reminds me of what we heard Top tell Mew in the trailer about wanting to make him as happy as possible--I believe Boston could relate to the idea of desiring sex wholly for his own pleasure rather than his partner's).

I think Boston navigates sex in fascinating ways, and we see that through Top. I still believe Boston desires Top to feed his own ego and not much more. He can't understand how someone like Top could honestly want someone like Mew beyond a hookup. Could any of this have to do with Boston's deep-seated insecurities about relationships? Is he scared of forming a long-lasting relationship, so he settles for these quick one-offs to boost his ego and be done with it? Is he simply disinterested in settling when there are so many options? These are all questions that we don't have enough context to answer, but I think Nick's influence will force him to contend with them a bit. I'd imagine there has to be at least some of this conflict in BostonNick's storyline, otherwise the plot would be rather static.

TopMew

Mew's response to Top's advances provides a good outlook on his own values and boundaries. Just as Top views Mew as a challenge, I think Mew view Top as a similar challenge. Mew isn't naive; he knows who Top is just like he knows who Boston is. He will play Top like a fiddle. In that sense, I think he is withholding sex for two reasons: 1) because of his own values, as he states, and 2) because it's the thing he knows Top desires. To test Top's intentions, he can simply withhold sex and see whether Top's interest wanes. (This is likely what leads Top back to Boston, affirming what Mew already suspects about Top and Boston's similarities.)

For both players in TopMew and BostonNick, sex means something different. For Top and Boston, we can assume they have fairly similar ideas of it (which will notably change over the course of the series, I'm sure). For Mew, sex is about more than temporary satisfaction--it's something he holds in high esteem and wants to cherish with someone he's built a strong relationship with. For Nick, sex is a way of bringing him closer to Boston emotionally (tbh, I'm sure Nick didn't plan on forming an emotional attachment to Boston, but here we are).

*Side note, but it's funny that Nick seems on par for the course that Mew outlines for Top in episode 1:

Mew has an acute understanding of himself, and that's what gives him all the power in his relationship with Top. Top might think he's in control, but Mew is the one dictating. And if Top decides to leave, then Mew will have simply proven what he has suspected since their first night together. Mew wins no matter what (unless, of course, he starts to cave and lets his real feelings get involved).

~ X ~

This ended up being a bit of a rant, but in response to those critics on Twitter that Jojo felt the need to call out: sex isn't just sex for the sake of it. It's already informing the way these characters view themselves and their emotional ties. The emotional element of sex seems like a major component in the series, as the lines between mere physical intimacy blur with those of emotional intimacy. I think we will see that conflict come up in each of the relationships to some degree, but in vastly different ways.

[key-to-my-heart]

S2 WISHFUL THINKING

hey hi hello! i haven’t really been active on tumblr but i wanted to get back into the swing of being active and posting often. so.

i decided i will take note of some of my predictions, hopes, wishes etc. for Season 2 of Rainbow High!

so i kinda wanna just cover the things we canonically have seen aka specific events and drama that has gotten introduced

- The New Roommates / Series 3 Girls

i feel like we will definitely see more of them within the coming episodes. rainbow high literally advertised the new teams as like… i think the second or third teaser for the new season

it’s interesting to me because. this makes me think of What The Runway Project is? what could it possibly be? i believe i made a post about this in the past but the main theory (and theory i believe the most in) would be a Stage Production of sorts. i mean… it makes sense!

the twins are both Performing Arts focus and are definitely the antags this season. so why wouldn’t they cause trouble in regard to a stage play? plus, bella is back. she’s literally a set designer! we have never seen her do any set designing (other than making a sketch) so it would be fun to see that! if river were to get more focus this season, he would definitely have an outlet to channel his Performing Arts creativity! plus… Daria is a song writer so like. imagine if we were to get music out of that? please. the possibilities are endless.

im also eager to see the series 3 girls dynamics. like are the rest of the girls (gabriella, georgia, emmy and daphne) all roomed together? do they get along? will they all be just as dramatic as stella, sheryl and daria’s dynamic?

but anyway. whatever the drama and the semester project is, the new teammates definitely seem to be playing a crucial role in this season.

- The Twins

i’m actually really eager to see more of them. i feel like not enough people are talking about them? season 2 is actually really interesting so far…. maybe more so than season 1… and i feel like we are going to have to thank the twins for that at some point lol

like. idek what they’re planning on doing but. i’m excited to see what it is! they’ll probably be involved in the semester project or at least causing problems to all of the roommates and teams. they’ll definitely have something going on with bella. and it seems that they have a good bond with karma (after the KWK we got). so maybe they’ll have input in any potential drama with Karma. which leads me to

- Karma VS. Violet

so. this drama has been teased at for like. ever. for what feels like forever.

this moment in Karma’s bio PLUS the commentary about violet from her and the twins in the recent KWK episode. but anyway. i’m actually super interested in whatever this drama could be??? like. why is karma watching.

we know violet adores karma, she really wants to have her in the vi life. so i’m sure she basically looks up to her! but like. will karma actually genuinely be nice with violet? keep a distance? make remarks like she did in her recent vlog? i don’t know. idk what to expect. of course it’ll have to do with vlogging or something.

- Bella

ok so there is a few things to note with bella. i’m still interested in if bella will accept to do an interview with Karma for her vlog? if so, i wonder how that would go. and i wonder how violet would feel about it. like the very last time bella was featured in vi’s vlog was on a bad note (even though they made up) but like. idk AAA

also i’m wondering how bella is gonna handle being back to rainbow high. because so far it seems she’s having trouble fitting in. will the key to her fitting in be Jade? will Jade help her figure everything out? or would it be someone else?

as much as i’d love Jade to be the reason Bella starts to feel more at home, i also love the other idea of Amaya being the reason bella feels comfortable again. Amaya was once the new girl (and of course in an awkward position because she was essentially a replacement for bella’s spot in the runway group) but. she didn’t fit in. she had to find her place at rainbow high… and it took her until the runway show to be able to truly feel comfortable.

and like. i’ve been rooting for bella/amaya dynamic for awhile now. i see a lot of potential in this duo. we know they somewhat have tension. i mean. bella had a really awkward confrontation with amaya and that was rly their first and last conversation. sure they’ve been around each other like in the music video, at the end of s1, and when bella walked into the girls dorm s2ep2 but like. that’s it.

SO ANYWAY. what i’m trying to get at is that these two definitely need to become friends. i mean. they have a LOT in common. i was talking about the new girl situation because i feel like they can relate in that way. they both had an awkward entrance into rainbow high and could bond over that. it took amaya awhile to feel at home at rainbow high… so maybe she could become friends with bella and help her feel at home! they’re both very determined leader types. they’re really passionate and! they have the same friend group! so why not become friends?

- Jade and Bella

of course i will wonder about these two! i have no clue what to expect with them. the fandom and myself are really really really wanting to see these two become a canon sapphic couple. i really want to see this happen! and mga knows this. mga knows we want to see jella happen. i mean, they literally snatched the ship name from us and plastered it into their vlogs. so they KNOW

anyway. these two are literally going through it rn. the way jade’s eyes lit up when she saw bella was back at rh. and now both of them are looking for each other and worried about each other. jade thinking bella is mad at her rn? please. i will sob. they are really holding off this jella reunion but i hope it’s for a good reason. i just want them to talk and have a good reunion… a hug……. happy tears, happy smiles…………..a love confession…

- Amaya

so i don’t really have much to say here but i’m just wondering about amaya this season. she’s definitely been advertised so much to the point that she essentially became like. THE main focus in season 1. this peeved some people but personally i loved amaya being like a sort of main character figure. she didn’t really take attention away from the other characters but also had that energy of being a main character anyway.

my point is, though, idk how she will play out in this season? like is she going to be as much of a main character as the main 6 are…. or will she play a bigger role? i have no clue. it seems bella is going to have a key focus this season, which makes sense, but it still just makes me wonder about amaya’s role this season

- Colin

i just hope this man does not get a development arc. i know some people want him to…. but i just. i don’t. i don’t understand. the point of him existing was to show that cheating is wrong and to display girl power. by teaching that skyler didn’t need a man to prove her worth. that she is her own person. her own strength! i really hope that colin and bella don’t have anything omfg.

- Winter Break

i’m really. REALLY excited for the winter break arc. it’s about time we get to see some backgrounds outside of rainbow high! plus the animated tidbits of ruby, sky, and violet in their wb outfits in the wb commercial was everything.

i’m so excited to see their new hairstyles, to see them with their snow gear and more. omg. of course i think the twins will be involved in this arc someone. krystal briefly mentioned the twins’ family having a ski lodge. and then of course we see sunny with her skis so like. yea!! i just wonder how these episodes would play out. or episode. but anyway like… will they just vibe? or will there be a problem of sorts? if it’s winter break then it probably won’t tie into school or like projects or anything like that

- Kia Hart

i’m actually hoping kia gets some focus this season. like. what is she going to do? is she going to pair another couple together? (if so, please be jella. okay wait seriously what if she is the key to reuniting jade and bella together… anyway) i just hope to see more of her and possibly more of her and krystal together haha. but kia just vibes so far, it would be lovely to get more of her!

- The A’s

so ainsley is finally beginning to get some attention! i really hope we continue to get more of her as well as avery, and aidan of course! we did get a bunch of content of aidan but you can never have enough honestly.

but i just wonder about how the A’s will be this season. like will they do anything significant? are bella and avery going to remain close? what is going on!!!

- The Malibu Line

so we literally know nothing about this except

but i still wonder like. if we will get to see anything about it at any point during the web series. perhaps it would be more of a summer thing. but it definitely means something if Bella is in it! (also i’m just generally excited for her new doll. omfg.)

- The Rock Line

so we also know almost nothing about this except

saw someone discuss that the music being heard during s2ep2 could be in regards to the rock battle. honestly. what if this is some sort of project? battle of bands or something? that would be cool lol. anyway i’m intrigued for this line mainly because of all the clothing leaks we have been getting omg.

- The Slumber Party Line

we have known about this for a little while (with the theory of the baby blue girl being in it) but i’m just curious as to who the characters are and if they will be in the web series at all.

- Jett Dawson

okay so. this is a big one. jett being a collector doll, i feel like she’ll definitely play a crucial role in the series. so like. who will she be to the main characters? it says she’s generally nice. why was she giving that look to the girls after their runway performance? IDK! i have no clue what to expect with her. i feel like the expectations i had for amaya (before we knew anything about her) will be put into jett because. the vibes i got from amaya ever since we just had her doll… i am also kind of getting from jett. so i’m eager!

[outerbankswriting]

Could it be? Chapter 7 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or  at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

Warnings: none

CHAPTER 7

You woke up to an empty bed.

JJ wasn’t by your side and he was nowhere to be seen in your room. But what surprised you the most was probably the fact you didn’t feel like a train had ran you over. Your head was pounding a little but that was about it, no other symptoms from a bad hangover.

You grabbed your phone and saw a couple of texts from Sarah, asking if you were alright and if you’d woken up yet.

You went to your bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth and numbly stared at yourself for a few minutes, wondering what exactly had happened last night.

You remembered pieces of it, but not everything.

What you did remember perfectly well was your little heartfelt moment with JJ and how he let it die out of nowhere. You felt embarrassed to say the least, but you were proud of yourself for not having opened your mouth to spill your feelings out.

You made your way downstairs to make yourself a quick breakfast and then go back to bed. You did not want to go outside today but your mind kept reminding you about JJ and you couldn’t help but wonder why he’d leave so early in the morning.

His bags were still in your room so you knew he would eventually come back anytime but you were an over-thinker, which didn’t help much.

As you were about to go inside your kitchen, your soul nearly left your body when you noticed someone sitting on your living room, but you felt like breathing again when you recognised the curly hair of your friend.

“Jesus Kiara,” you breathed out, “how did you get in?”

“JJ.”

“How long have you been here for?” You went to sit down next to her.

“Like an hour,” Kiara ran a hand through her locks, her hair smelling of fruity shampoo, “but if I’m being honest with you, after last night I though you were going to be dead all day.”

“Surprisingly I’m alive,” you chuckled, “guess my drinking game is getting stronger.”

“Yeah I’m not so sure about that.” She raised an eyebrow at you before letting out a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” You pretended to be shocked but ended up laughing too.

“What was even going through your head last night?”

“Man I don’t even know.”

You shrugged and made your way to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee, Kie following you behind.

“Did JJ mention where he was going?”

You saw Kie smile mischievously after hearing your question.

“Is there a reason for that evil smile you’re throwing at me?”

“Is there a reason why you’re so worried about JJ?

You opened your mouth as if you were offended by her question, not really knowing what to say and trying to hide the blush coming to your face.

“I’m not worried,” you struggled to speak, “I just want to know why he left, that’s all.”

“Mhmm..”

“What I’m serious! I would ask the same if it had been John B or Pope or Sarah or anyone!”

“Right.” She nodded her head as she examined her nails.

“Kie.” You sighed at your friend.

“He said he was going to John B’s.”

“See? Was it so hard to tell me that?”

You made her a cup of tea and sat down to drink your coffee and eat your poorly made peanut butter sandwich.

“We’re best friends, aren’t we?” Kie said, taking a small sip of her green tea.

“Of course we are,” you grabbed her hand, “what kind of question is that?”

“Then tell me about JJ.”

“What do you me-“

“Cut the bullshit Y/N!” She desperately ran her hand through her hair, “You were crying about him last night!”

“I was?!”

Your cheeks began to burn as you tried to remember the events from last night and silently praying you hadn’t done something embarrassing.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“I just remember waking up here once JJ brought me back and taking some shots at the party but I can’t really remember what happened between that.”

Kie shook her head and chuckled before staring at you with her motherly look.

“Oh god what did I do?” You covered your mouth with your hands and Kie laughed at your anxious face.

“Calm down,” she giggled, “you could’ve done worse.”

“What did I do?”

“Well you cried, which is something we’re all used to you doing when you’re drunk,” she looked intriguingly at the ceiling, “you practically screamed you wanted to get laid.”

“Oh god.” You covered your face with your hands.

“You threw yourself at some tourist to make JJ jealous and then argued with him about the fact that he sleeps with any random girl he sees,” she used her fingers to count your actions, “oh and you also threw up in front of everyone.”

“Okay, alright, good.” You shook your head and worryingly stared at your friend.

“But hey, you were not so bad.”

“I mean I do remember flirting with the tourist a little but I can’t really remember much.”

“But you do remember what made you do all that.” Her words came out more like a statement than a question.

You just stared at your friend like a guilty puppy and slowly took a sip from your coffee.

“You’re too smart for me to lie about this.”

“Yeah I am.” She nodded and stared at you waiting for you to continue.

“Why are you staring at me like that? What exactly do you want me to say?”

“You like him, right?”

“Yeah, maybe.” You stared at your sandwich, trying to avoid eye contact with Kie.

“How long has this been going on?”

“I mean,” you took a deep breath, trying to think about when you’d actually started having feelings for JJ, “I think since about a few months ago.”

“A few months ago?” She opened her mouth in shock, “So you were crushing on JJ while you were dating Rafe?”

“Well considering the fact that I had stopped wanting to be with Rafe for like four months before we broke up, then yeah.”

“I knew it.” She smiled to herself.

“What do you mean you knew it?” You crossed your arms, “I never showed any signs.”

“The two of you are always flirting and you do show a little more appreciation towards him than the rest of the Pogues.”

“First of all,” you argued, “JJ is always flirting with everyone so it’s more of a friendly flirting going on.”

“Yeah, right, sure.” Kie muttered.

“And I care about all of you equally, it just happens to be that everyone is already coupled up so JJ and I are left to hang out more, that’s all.”

“Why don’t you try something?”

“Are you kidding? I’m not trying to be the joke of the group, thank you.”

You grabbed your empty cup of coffee and and washed it while Kie gulped down what was left of her tea.

“I’m just saying,” she went on, “I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I don’t know, something could happen.”

“Yeah well, that’s a road I’m not yet ready to explore.”

“I think you should. He could use some of that real love you know?”

“Kie..” You took a deep breath and turned to stare at your friend, “Let’s not talk about this anymore.”

“Fine.”

“Promise me you won’t tell, please.”

Kie nodded and helped you clean the rest of the dishes before you made her wait downstairs while you changed into some decent clothes. Kie convinced you on going to John B’s place to spend the rest of the day since everyone but Sarah, were going to hang there.

“Look who’s here,” John B’s face lit up as soon as he saw yours, “my favourite drunk.”

“Shut up.” You shook your head and walked inside his place, your eyes immediately spotting JJ sitting down on the coach drinking a beer.

“How are you alive after all those tequila shots?” Pope asked.

“Well, she did throw up everything during the party.” John B added.

“What was all your crying about though? You scared me.” Pope went on.

You grunted and covered your face with your hands, sitting down next to Pope.

“Ugh, give me a break.” You muttered.

“It was fun though, great party.” John B nodded and so did Pope.

You noticed JJ silently taking sips of his beer, avoiding any possible eye contact with you. You shot a look at Kiara who was already staring at you, letting you know she knew what you were thinking and nodding her head as if to give you permission.

“Hey JJ,” you stood up, “can we talk?”

You felt your heart speed up as everyone remained silent and JJ looked up to you, you could feel your hands had starting to shake right there.

“Yeah sure.”

You and JJ made your way outside the house after Kiara broke the awkward silence and tension inside the house. You sat down on the grass and JJ copied you.

“I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me last night.” You broke the silence between the two of you.

“Nothing to thank me for,” he played with the leaves on the grass, “that’s what friends are for.”

Friends. Right.

“Yeah of course,” you bit your lip nervously, “I’m also sorry for the way I acted last night, you know.. Kie told me everything.”

“She did?” He finally decided to stare at your eyes.

“Yeah,” you sighed, “I didn’t remember what happened last night so when sh-“

“You don’t remember?”

You raised your eyebrows at his sudden interest on what you were saying.

“I do now, sort of.”

He nodded and opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but immediately closed it.

“Why are you acting so weird with me?” You raised your voice a little.

“I’m not.”

“You are,” you changed your position and sat down in front of him, giving him no choice but to look at you, “you left in the morning without telling me a word and when I arrived here you didn’t even look at me and now you’re acting as if you don’t want to talk to me!”

“God Y/N!” Now he was raising his voice too, “I didn’t wake you up because I figured you’d want to rest because of your hangover and everything else you’re saying is just you overthinking it as always!”

“I’m not overthinking it JJ,” you didn’t take your eyes off his, “you did the same thing last night!”

“What thing?!”

“When we almost kissed!”

You saw his eyes widen as soon as the word “kissed” left your mouth and you mentally slapped yourself for bringing it up but you knew it was needed to.

“Yes JJ, I do remember what happened last night alright? And I also remember how you left me on the floor and acted all serious after it happened, almost as if you were repulsed by it.”

“Repulsed?!” He raised his eyebrow at you.

“I said what I said.” You argued.

“Y/N you were drunk!” He raised his hands on the air desperately.

“No shit really? I didn’t know that!” You said sarcastically.

“I wasn’t going to take advantage of you!”

His words made the ones you were about to say stop from coming out. 

You didn’t know what to say so you just stared at him.

“It’s alright Y/N,” he lowered his voice as he noticed you were tongue-tied, “we all do stuff we wouldn’t do when sober while we’re drunk.”

“JJ I-“

“Don’t worry Y/N. If you’re worried about me telling the guys about what nearly happened last night, just know that I won’t.” He smiled and the smile confirmed you JJ was back to normal with you.

“So we’re good?” You asked.

“We are.” He winked and helped you stand up from the ground, taking your hand and walking you towards John B’s house.

These mixed signs were going to drive you crazy. Did he mean he would’ve kissed you if you hadn’t been so drunk? Was it just the heat of the moment? Was it a pity move? What even was that?

As soon as you walked inside John B’s house, an overly excited Sarah ran into you.

“Why weren’t you answering my calls?” She had a worried yet happy look on her face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t bring my phone, but what’s going on?”

“We need to go buy our dresses together, I’m calling dips on the color green.” She smiled and you looked over at JJ who was equally confused as you.

“Dresses for what?”

Sarah turned to face you, a puzzled look on her face.

“Our families are throwing a party for the business deal they just closed,” she explained, “as soon as your parents come back from their trip of course.”

“Why do they need to throw a party for that?”

“You know how they are,” she rolled her eyes, “and some important business people are also coming to celebrate and stuff. I don’t really understand but I know it’s a huge thing.”

“Are we invited or is it only for Kooks?” JJ added and Sarah bit her lip.

“I mean it’s a family business thing but I’m sure we can manage to le-“

“I’m joking Sarah, I’m not trying to start shit with Kooks again.”

“Of course you’re invited. All of you.” You added and the Pogues just stared at you, knowing they weren’t going to be wanted at the party but not wanting to argue with you.

After everyone got back to talking nonsense and drinking, Sarah pulled you over to John B’s room to organise your dress shopping day.

“Do we really have to do this now? My parents aren’t even here yet and I-“

“No it’s not about that.” Her face was serious now.

“Then?”

“It’s about my brother.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“What about him?”

“My parents and your parents sort of think you’re still dating him.”

You raised an eyebrow at her and chuckled.

“That’s bullshit, my mom knows I broke up with Rafe.”

“Well apparently my stupid brother told my parents and your dad that you’re still dating and now you have to present yourselves as a couple during the party.”

You laughed louder, but the feeling of anger was consuming you.

“That’s stupid,” you said, “I’m not doing that. Plus how does us dating have anything to do with our parents’ business?”

“Nothing! That’s exactly what I told Rafe but he ju-“

“Doesn’t want to disappoint your dad, of course,” you sighed, “I’m going to have to talk to him.”

“Are you sure about that?” She raised an eyebrow at you.

“Do I have any other choice?”

“Well, you’re right,” she said, “I’m sorry about my stupid brother.”

“Hey don’t apologise for that,” you grabbed her hand, “I’m the one who dated him.”

-------------------

CH.8

A/N: sorry for making it so long!! I got carried away and I’m already working on chapter 8 because I’m just TOO EXCITED for what’s to come... hope you guys like this one!!! (I also want to apologise for not adding the rest of you to the taglist but it’s getting sooo long! I’m going to try and tag the ones I’m missing when I have the time!)

------------------

taglist: @babygirlizz​ - @atabigail - @poguesrforlife​ - @behappyitsemmalie​ - @jane-dough - @yeeedolan - @dontjinx-it - @sofiaconlaz - @fangirlwithme​ - @outermaybank - @hueycat2004 - @nope-thanks - @weasleyswizarding-wheezes - @haleswale - @hungoverhellhound - @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch - @asapkyndall - @hailiemarieeee - @emmasjulixn - @spideyyeet - @rosenbug - @cassidyiscool  - @harrysbbby - @thatshiscigar  - @kiarascarreras - @uhuh-listenboy - @normatural - @goldenariana - @heyyimlaynna - @lukvv - @irontoadllamaclam - @allisjustok - @saturno007 - @pluckypete - @pennepasta82 - @howdyherron - @perfektionsmakel - @dylanpain - @tulzu - @voidsxnsets - @shadesofbarryallen - @rimbougrine - @dolanfivsosxox - @allisjustok - @stell-rosie - @spoopysidemen​ - @optimisticherolightpanda - @dolansbeanies - @arsejungle - @missenchanted27 - @ctrlyouthmendes  - @my-soul-is-the-moon - @hazelgirl355 - @sehunniehaechannie - @sweetwaterprincess - @ues-swiftie - @deadsunflower01 - @ghostlywombatnickelpeanut - @moadvx - @peachy-ness - @supersouthy - @howdyherron - @retro-mayfield - @cyxbv - @ydoesthesunsetbaby - @bellageorge03 - @thelittletank - @emmalvei-blog - @eaturveggiesbabe - @katiepego - @books-crushed-my-soul - @iamaunicorn4704 - @mrmaybaby - @sloanology - @wildest-dream- - @maplelattes22 - @disaster-rose - @5am-cigarette - @ravenclawmarvel - @peterbrokenparker - @pickeringshawnn - @thatshiscigar - @lovelydina - @sspidermanss - @lollypop-lam - @drunkwallows - @a-wari - @ajxlawley - @briiiimiranda - @oceantostars - @jordangdelacruz - @brightnss - @classywaves - @ironbuckley - @cilorawr - @the-beauty-queenn - @mileven-reddie - @blueegansey - @livingforbarnes - @angelnoirr - @fashionlive15 - @harrysbbby - @eb15​ - @lcil123 - @drunkwallows - @uhuh-listenboy - @caringparker - @tangledinsparkles - @wildflower-lrh - @lollypop-lam - @mxrvelistic - @jeffsbarbershop - @bananasundae13 - @llunarist - @nick-awwstin - @aftertaxte - @timotaychalabae 

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon. Sorry about the previous ask I get nervous easy and feel like I need to check im not annoying anyone at times. If I am ever annoying you though or you want me to do anything though please tell me!

Watson is close to everyone from the group, because he's seen as the dad figure and an easy person to talk too. Besides from that Jackie and Grievous are close and often train or play games together, and Jackie and Ran are close, they don't do much expect just hang out and since their both the youngest that helps them feel a bit closer. Ran and Grievous aren't really close, though Grievous wants to make attempts to become closer to Ran, potentially by inviting him to training sessions or game nights.

The other fighters from the Pit are still around! They mostly aren't around the Pit as they have jobs and other stuff to take care off, but they try to vist often. Like Genevieve and Levi come over on a regular basis to train with them all and just hang out. And sometimes Genevieve and Levi participate in the Pit's fights just for fun.

He was kept in a room in Mizu. The room was reminiscent of a jail cell, with no glass in it, and a door that required a key to be opened, he wasn't completely chained down but they did put cuffs on his wrists to prevent him from moving around to much. Benjamin honestly just kind of felt like something was off, because most people don't commit mass murder without a reason and he couldn't find a reason for Ranbob doing it. And he has reported multiple times (along with the others) feeling a strange weightless feeling near dreams room, almost like their getting sucked into a void, while also hearing a distant voice in their head calling them to come closer. When everyone said they heard the voice, with Ranbob even saying from where he was that he heard the voice but much clearer, and sometimes he feels like he doesn't control what he's doing. Benjamin and Isaac decided to block off the room and nearby rooms and made it a rule that if anyone heard the voice or felt like that to report it to them and where they felt it so ot could be blocked off.

Because Ranbob said he heard the voice too Benjamin started thinking that maybe Ranbob wasn't in control and there's something deeper going on. They specifically figure out its the mask when Charles finds it and brings it up to the group, where reports of the voices and feeling come back ten-fold, and even Ranbob who was starting to show progress and become a bit more willing to talk harshly backtracked to where he almost tried to attack anyone who came into the room. So Charles quickly puts it back as far from the group as possible, with Cletus following him to make sure he actually puts it back. Later they talk about destroying it but the question of what will happen to the possession on it stops them, as what if when they break it, the possession type thing (its not actually a possession I just forget the word oop), moves onto another object? Maybe even connect to them or Ranbob?

Ranbob does learn how to sew! Charles helps him learn actually and it helps the two get close! Cletus and Isaac are forbin as of now to return to Mizu, there are talks about going back later in time but for now everyone agreed it'd be best to hang back and avoid Mizu no matter what.

Life in the house is very hard to adjust to at first for Ranbob especially, its mostly awkward and learning boundaries. But after a few weeks to months living with the fishermen Ranbob becomes much more comfortable to open up a lot. Closest to Ranbob is definitely both Benjamin and Charles, as Benjamin is the one who recognized what was happening to Ranbob and Charles is the one who he spends most time with (mostly teaching Ranbob random skills).

Even after the fight ends Ran is still incredibly mad, and when Ranbob is so much as mentioned he growls and gets more aggravated. The fishermen are mostly surprised, Ranbob did mention there was a survivor that he remembers almost killing before they escaped, but because it seemed like a sensitive topic they never pressed him to tell them more. They never would've expected the survivor was his brother though. And the gladiators are completely surprised, expect Watson, Ran told Watson his past about Mizu and his brother (because I like to think Ran has night terrors due to Mizu and Watson is often the one to comfort him). Its only once Ranbob gets taken off to the medical bay and Ran goes to blow off steam in the training area the two sides talk. Where what they've been told is shared and connections and understandings are made. And they all manage to agree to try to get the brothers at least on talking terms, so they can talk about what happened and at least attempt to fix their relationship.

They are not! Other enderman hybrids do exist but their very rare due to complexity with passing the enderman genes. Though Ran and Ranbob did have a family of 6 they where apart of (the 2 other siblings where younger than them) but not every member had enderman genes.

They do notice how Jackie looks similar to Tubbo but they mostly just brush it off, as if Cletus takes off his head gear he looks like Quackity and of course Ranbob looks like Ranboo with the mix of black and white skin.

Hey, don’t worry about it, seriously. I do the same thing with people, so I kinda get it. I really do enjoy reading these, so really, I should be thanking you for sending them!

The bonds between everyone sound interesting. So Watson’s just generally the dad friend? How does he feel about that? Has he just unironically adopted all these dorks? Is it something of an inside joke? Jackie and Grievous sound like quite the combination. Honestly I can imagine these two either being very chill, or very chaotic, depending on the day. Ran and Jackie just hanging out sounds neat, what do they do together? Do they play games like Jackie does with Grievous, or do they just nap and cloud-watch, or something similar? And Grievous trying to bond with Ran sounds nice, how does that work out for him? Do they find some sort of activity that brings them closer?

I saw you mentioned Ran and Jackie were the youngest, which brings up two things. One, does the height difference remain? I’ve seen a lot of art depicting it as such, and honestly, the thought of some new fighters being tossed into a fight with these two, and A, seeing this short kid next to this ridiculously tall guy, and B, their expressions when being told Ran’s not an adult is very amusing to me. 

And two, what exactly is the age limit for going into the Pit? It’s probably not incredibly young, but how old are Jackie and Ran to be stated as the youngest? In their early teens? Late? Older? What kind of rules are there in the fights, no deaths aside?

The other fighters still being around is pretty cool, how do they get along with the gladiators? I imagine fairly well, since you’ve said they hang out, but are they close with anyone is particular? And what exactly is the Pit, besides a tournament? Do people fight for money in there? Do they just fight to fight? Is it open to a lot of people?

So the fisherman hung around Mizu and talked to Ranbob? It must have been strange, seeing the change in their would-be murderer. It does bring up the question of how in control Ranbob was when he first met them. Was he relatively himself at the start, and only begin to fall more under Dream’s thrall later, or was he under it from the start? And how do the fishermen feel about this? 

Actually, how young even is Ranbob? I believe you mentioned him to be Ran’s older(?) brother, but as previously said, Ran’s among the youngest of the gladiators, so how much older is Ranbob?  How old was he when he was led to kill the residents of Mizu?

I believe the word you’re looking for is possibly spirit? I’m assuming? And yeah, pretty smart of them to get away from it. Do they ever end up dealing with that in the future, or is it a ‘let’s just agree to never go near that thing again.’ kinda deal?

Charles and Ranbob bonding! Very nice! What other skills does Charles have, and where’d he learn them? Actually, what’s the general backstory for the fishermen? Is it anything that could tie in later, or no?

But that adjustment period can’t be easy. As we saw, the fishermens’ house was pretty small, and for Ranbob, to go from literally being the only person there in a huge city, to such an arrangement, well. It can’t have been easy. How did it affect him, and how did the fishermen deal with it?

In relation, how did Ran deal with going from Mizu to outside it? I imagine the lifestyle was a bit different from what he was used to.

So the relationship isn’t so easily fixed, hm? Y’know, all things considered, that’s pretty fair. How do the two groups get along, once they’ve decided to get the two brothers back together? And what kind of plan do they come up with? Perhaps deciding to travel together? Or maybe stick around and fight more? How does that work out for them? 

How does Ran feel about the brother that almost killed him being around his new family? And how does Ranbob feel about finding him again? Did he even think he was still kicking, or believe him to be dead?

So Endermen hybrids aren’t that common huh? Does that happen to be why Porkius was so interested in them? And are any of the fishermen or gladiators hybrids as well? Philza’s often shown with wings, and honestly, I’m curious to know if your AU’s Watson is a similar hybrid, or otherwise. 

Also, how do the gladiators fight? Are there double battles and team ups? Is there anyone they fight better with? What’s their general strategy? 

And how does Porkius feel about these new developments? Does he know? Help out, or let them sort it themselves? What’s going on with our resident king?

[missyoumaybank]

I lost a friend

Law of acceptance- I lost  A friend p1.

Not my gif^

Word count- 1.6k

Warnings- mentions of panic attacks, swearing, overall angst

JJ Maybank x Routledge reader!

Ever since John B and Sarah disappeared In the storm, things haven’t been the same for the pogues. They’d still hangout every day and hope that the pair would give some sort of sign or clues that they were still alive, but amongst all the drama circulating with ward and the young teens, things started to fall apart quite easily. It was like a disaster waiting to happen.  

JJ went rogue, his current ways heightening to a point beyond belief. Every second day, you’d be down in the station bailing him out for something stupid. ‘’C’mon, it wasn’t even that bad!’’ He’d say pleadingly, trying to coax you into feeling guilty for him, and you did, every single time. Along the way, your friendship with jj began to fall apart, constantly arguing and avoiding each other when possible, rather than sorting things out. It was getting unbearable and you hated it. The chateau was currently occupied by you and JJ, refusing to go back to his fathers after taking the phantom.

   Although you and J were only friends, there was unacknowledged feelings for one another, you felt a need to care for him and he cared for you more than anything else. It was always you and J against the world. There had been moments between you, such as your firsts, first kiss, first time etc, and some out of the blue moments. It confused you, you didn’t know what you were but every time you asked, it was always ‘’Best friends’’.  John B had encouraged you to shoot your shot, despite jj being your brothers bestfriend.

It was late in the evening, the sun beginning to set and you began getting nervous, taking note of the time and jj still wasn’t back from work. Agonizingly, you sat out on the porch with a blanket wrapped around you, fidgeting at the feeling of the scratchy material.

You didn’t mean to pry, but when you saw jj come home from work with a black eye, and dozens of cuts, questions flew around ‘’Can you please stop being up my ass for 2 seconds? Literally, its like you’ve nothing better to be doing other than being a bitch’’ He huffed, wanting to just shower and sleep, slamming the door behind him. As you stood there in shock, you decided not to follow, settling yourself in the hammocks instead. Tears pooled in your eyes, your heart breaking by the second.  You wanted the old jj to come back , but unless John B came back, there was no way in hell that was happening anytime soon.  

JJ was cursing himself, knowing you hated being called out for caring about others, suffering enough as you grew up with constant worry that one day she might lose someone she loves. She worried too much about others rather than herself and jj would constantly remind her to be selfish once in a while, but she never listened.

In your sleepy state, you felt jj climb in the hammock with you, quiet sniffles coming from the blonde boy. Turning to face him, you saw his blotched face, tears glistening against his skin. You wiped under his eyes, clearing away the tears. Wrapping an arm around him, his face rested in the crook of your neck, cuddling into your side.

‘’Im sorry’’ he mumbled quietly, playing with the string from your top. Nodding without saying anything, you covered the blanket over the two of you and kissed his forehead, soft snores coming from him in an instant.

 As the summer came to an end, one last kegger was thrown and it was deemed to be the best one yet. The gang sat around the fire pit, basking in the ocean breeze and the atmosphere they wouldn’t see until next summer. There were a bunch of kooks who surprisingly weren’t causing any trouble and the last of the remaining tourons as the season came to an end.

J was acting weird with you, not like it was much of a surprise, but none the less , it made you feel uncomfortable. You couldn’t bare his behaviour and outbursts anymore, it took a huge toll on your mental health, but as always, you put JJ and the others before yourself. Kie snapped her fingers in front of you, breaking your train of though. She looked at you with a questionable expression , indirectly asking if you were okay. You nodded at her, but it was a lie. Panic began building up inside of you and you didn’t know what was causing it. JJ gave you a glare, seeing your leg fidgeting and it seemed to annoy him, just like everything seems to nowadays. He knew what was happening but he didn’t seem to give a damn, just as your breath hitched.

You didn’t want to cause a scene in front of the others and you grabbed the person that was closest to you, which happened to be Pope , while you began breathing eratically, feeling as if you couldn’t breathe. Pope was confused as to why you were reacting this way and kept asking what was wrong, but you couldn’t hear him.

For sure, you knew you were having a panic attack, but again you didn’t want pope to worry. ‘’I’m fine nevermind, go back its fine’’ you stuttered, not grasping the feeling in your hands. He sat down beside you, and grabbed your hand, starting to tap his finger tips on yours. As you started to calm down, your breathing regulated itself. ‘’It helps me calm down when I have panic attacks’’ he said sympathetically, wishing everyones pain would disappear. Looking up at him, seeing the sad look on his face, you sobbed and broke down.

The sobbing continued, feeling like the whole world was crumbling around you and awaiting the impact. Pope embraced you, trying to calm you again before getting worked up all over again. Without paying attention to what was going on around you, jj stumbled up to the pair and felt a burning pit in his stomach, seeing you in popes arms.

In that time, jj stormed up and had swung at pope, clearly not in the right head space .’’What the fuck jj? He exclaimed, pushing him, which led to them throwing digs at each other.  ‘’Why are you so loved up around my girl?’’ he slurred, putting extra emphasis on ‘my girl’

You scoffed at his words, him turning to look at you with a narrowed expression.

‘’Your girl?

He nodded at you as if you had said the dumbest thing in the world. Shaking your head, you moved closer to him. ‘’Why are you making ‘your girl’ feel so shit then? ‘’ she pried, finally done with his attitude. He laughed tauntingly. ‘’I’m making you feel shit? Have you seen the way you’ve been treating me y/n?’’

She couldn’t believe the boy in front of her, accusing her of making him feel terrible. ‘’Have you stopped and maybe think for a minute jj, that everything is going to shit because of you?’’ she inquired, genuinely intrigued by what he has to say.  He didn’t answer, but you kept pressing at him, wanting him to own up to his shit.

‘’Fuck you little routledge! It should’ve been you on that boat instead of John B!’’ He screamed, his blood boiling with hatred for the girl he loved.

Everything was quiet, the music was off and a circle had surrounded the 3 of you. JJ’s chest heaved, out of breath from his remark. You looked at him with pure disgust and tears blurring your vision.

‘’I hate you Jesse Jameson Maybank!’’ You roared, rushing towards him to slap him. Kie had grabbed you at your waist, preventing you from making a bigger mistake that you’d regret.

‘’And I fucking hate you too little routledge!’’ Jj smirked, getting the reaction from you that he had expected. Although he had said all that, he didn’t mean it. He did it to protect you.

 The morning after last night’s events, y/n was wallowing in a state of depression, spiralling out of control. She loved jj but by god did she hate him also. She wanted nothing more to be wrapped in his arms, but after that, she doesn’t think she ever would be again.  A loud knock on the door disrupted her thoughts. She pushed herself out of bed to go to the patio door. Immediately, seeing who it was, she turned around not wanting to see him.

‘’Y/n, please im sorry!’’ He pleaded, his voice cracking.

‘’That was the last straw jj, im sick of it and im sick of you’’ she stated, not looking at him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. ‘’Can I make it up to you somehow?’’ he muttered, knowing full well he could never make it up to her.

‘’The best thing that you could do for me right now is to never speak to me again’’ vocalizing the harsh reality, she felt bad, but she needed to.  His mouth widened in shock, not believing her words.

‘’but what about us? You know? The infamous blondies?’’ His voice wavering at the thought of losing you. He couldn’t believe he was losing you that easy, like a set of keys.

‘’I can’t do this anymore j’’ she cried, wanting things to go back to the way they were at the start of summer. He fidgeted in his spot, not knowing what to do.  ‘’Where am I meant to go?’’ whispering quietly, looking up at you. You could feel the guilt build up but you couldn’t stand down.

‘’I’m sure Ms.Lana would love the company’’

He looked at you, looking for any sign for him to stay, while he saw the pleading look in your eyes for him to stay, he knew he had to do the right thing.

‘’I guess this is it then’’

‘’Bye jj’’.

Taglist!-

@afterglowsb-tch13​ @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar​ @lavendersunflower​

 this chapter is a mess im sorry

[defyingthestars]

A mess of my unorganized, tinhatty ramblings about Taron and Richard and sexuality, under the cut...

Ok so the two questions I’ve been asked to address are whether I think Taron and Richard really hooked up or got together in some way, and whether I think Taron is queer, and I think the answer to both is yes. Taron has a lot of very close male friends. He is very very affectionate with them and has mentioned this many many times. He loves male affection, he loves a bromance, etc. He loves this talking point. Another talking point he loved during the press tour for Rocketman was that mutual friends of his and Richard’s had been “trying to set them up for years.” Ok, two things to that point. Whichever friends these were, they almost certainly knew that Richard is not straight, and secondly, I have never heard of two grown men whose friends wanted to “set them up” unless they wanted to set them up. Which I think is what they actually meant.

Taron has also talked about how he had a sexuality crisis as an adolescent. He had really bad anxiety and some of it, he thought, came from thinking he was gay. He says he went to therapy, and this therapist convinced him he wasn’t gay, he was just anxious. He tells this story so cavalierly that it’s almost a little shocking, in retrospect. Did he get inadvertently put through some sort of low-impact gay conversion therapy? Maybe. Whatever this therapist told him, he made it work in his head well enough, for a while. He found theatre. He found dressing up and getting attention for something he loved. He still has these very intense best friendships with the boys from Aberystwyth, one of whom I remain convinced he was in love with, and was in love with him. He eventually got movie roles, and on one of his movies, he met his girlfriend. He calls her his partner, which I know is a British thing, but somehow coming from him makes it sound as queer as I believe they are, so I love it.

So, this brings us to Rocketman. Taron has been effusive, glowing, adoring, enraptured, enamored and in every possible way ass over teakettle in love with Richard since they met. He like lost his mind a little bit...or found it. I think the process of making this movie took a lot out of both him and Richard, and changed them in various ways, permanently. 

I think they hooked up probably very early on. I think it became part of the process for him, and he convinced himself it was helping him build his character, really feel like Elton. I think they had a lot of drunken, messy nights. I think he either explained it to his girlfriend, or just told her about it, and she tolerated it during the filming, but I totally think she knew. Richard’s girlfriend at the time was, eh, whatever, (sorry, I don’t know anything about her honestly and she seems like a non-starter in his life, eek. Sorry sorry.) and I think they just...did stuff. I can’t speculate on specific acts because that’s what the fanfic is for. But they fooled around, and they enjoyed themselves. No one ever talks about what goes on on film sets, so they knew they were safe, no matter how much they maybe bled over. It worked, and the results for the film.....I mean fuck.

Absolutely this went on through the time Richard wrapped— Taron’s insta post from Richard’s last day is extremely telling, imo. He is being funny, but he’s also guarding his true feelings under the joke of how much he can’t stand him. Oh, because, that’s right, Taron caught fucking feelings. Surprise surprise. 

So, Richard wrapped, and I think he left for a minute and then came back to London. They went out the night before the Carpool Karaoke filming and got “blind drunk” (Taron’s own words) and something definitely went down that night because they were...how they were. 

You can just look at Richard’s reactions when Taron tells him he loves him, or how Taron calls him “old fruit.” They’re so fucking cute but they’re also way way over the top in that “heh heh we’ve kind of been fucking and now we have to remember how to act like best buds* again and I hope this isn’t going to get awkward later on” kind of way. They overdo* it, but it plays great for the show. The looks between them are genuine, but if you look carefully you can see Richard restrain, just a bit more than Taron.

Richard went right back to the US after this thing was done.

Taron wrapped the film. 

At some point within literally 2-3 days, two unbelievable things happened:

Taron broke up with Emily, and Richard met and somehow instantly became attached at the hip with Brandon.

Taron had a gay crisis when he was 13 and he had another one when he was about to turn 29. I am sure of it. He had fallen for Richard, and didn’t know any other way to handle it than to panic, dump his girlfriend and shoot his shot. 

Taron and Richard went to this weird Land Rover launch event thing in late November, literally looking like a couple. Taron had blown up his life and shaved his head. They had a weird energy between them— my theory is Taron tried to tell him at least some of this that night, and it backfired. Richard was either committed to this thing with Brandon, or just didn’t want to try or even think about dating Taron like that. They had fun, and Richard loves him, but “not in that way, mate.”

Sometime around Christmas, Elton and David invited them—Taron and Richard—over to dinner. I think this was some kind of Elton ambush. Richard had a boyfriend but it was the two of them who got invited — and they thought this was some kind of big holiday dinner party but it was just them, and two other gay couples in their 50’s, 60’s or 70’s. I think Elton wanted to make them see what was right there if they wanted it, or at the very least give them the Big Talk, if there was anything left unsaid, about life, and living it, and how to be happy and avoid cocaine. 

They didn’t get together any more, I don’t think. Richard didn’t come out but he didn’t go back in, either. He went on holiday with Brandon, and Taron had what I think of as his sad gay winter. He might have hooked up with other people, I have no idea. At some point he took out Elton’s earring, and then he got back with Emily.

By May, when he and Richard saw each other again in New York, enough time had passed that they had a beautiful, bittersweet comfort between them, imo. 

ouch and wow this photo hurts

there are a lot of feelings there. Richard doesn’t look like this with, like, anyone. also they’re drunk. 

now they’re just messy and wasted but something went down later because wow 

the Met Gala was my last big tinhatty night for them, I guess. I have seen somewhere that B might have been there at the afterparties? idk man but they were hanging out with some party kinda people and doing some party kinda stuff so anything could have happened to leave Taron looking like that. ***I was informed that he was not there and was in fact having a small fit and unfollowing Richard on instagram while this event and these photos were unfolding, so. yeah. 👀***

Then the film came out...the rest is history. Taron will still take a loving jab at Richard in an insta comment occasionally. I think it’s just his little way of dealing with that soft sting that hasn’t quite gone away. Richard probably never sees them. But if you ask Taron about Richard one day in many years he will still probably call him one of my very best friends.

*This kind of overkill of being best friends became Taron’s defense mechanism for the entire rest of the press tour. He proclaimed his love for Richard at every possible turn. He asked him to marry him. He told fans he’s at the front of the queue. He called him his best friend over and over. He was making sure, in every public place, that Richard knew that Taron still loved him regardless and there were no hard feelings for what happened between them and there never will be.

[not-your-damsel]

I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys

I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.

*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up

She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.

Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.

And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.

That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.

She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.

But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.

It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.

I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.

However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.

I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”

I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.

I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”

Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.

Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.

[96thdayofrage]

President Biden Wants Covid “Misinformants” to be Removed from Social Media Platforms

In a July 16, 2021, White House press briefing, press secretary Jen Psaki admitted the Biden administration is violating the First Amendment by alerting social media companies to posts and accounts it believes is peddling “misinformation” about COVID injections

This kind of corporate-government collusion to censor free speech is illegal. As noted by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, “The government cannot accomplish through threats of adverse government action what the Constitution prohibits it from doing directly”

The Biden Administration wants COVID “misinformants” to be removed from all social media platforms, not just one or two

In that same press briefing, Psaki also referred to the COVID shots as “approved,” and having “gone through the gold standard of the FDA approval process.” This is verifiably false. All currently available COVID injections are authorized for emergency use only. None are approved and none have finalized their safety studies

The Biden Administration’s call to censor — through public utilities and private companies — anyone who shares information about risks and the lack of benefit of these COVID injections must be rejected on ethical, legal and Constitutional grounds.

***************************

In a July 16, 2021, White House press briefing,1 press secretary Jen Psaki admitted the Biden Administration is violating the First Amendment by alerting social media companies to posts and accounts it believes is peddling “misinformation” about COVID injections. When asked by a reporter to expound on how this flagging works, Psaki said:

“Well, I would say first, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that we’re in regular touch with social media platforms — just like we’re in regular touch with all of you and your media outlets — about areas where we have concern, information that might be useful, information that may or may not be interesting to your viewers …

So we are regularly making sure social media platforms are aware of the latest narratives dangerous to public health that we and many other Americans seeing … And we work to engage with them to better understand the enforcement of social media platform policies.

So let me give you an example, just to illustrate it a little bit. The false narrative that remains active out there about COVID-19 vaccines causing infertility … which has been disproven time and time again.

This is troubling, but a persistent narrative that we and many have seen, and we want to know that the social media platforms are taking steps to address it. That is inaccurate, false information … And that is an example of the kind of information that we are flagging or raising …

So a couple of the steps that … could be constructive for the public health of the country are providing for Facebook or other platforms to measure and publicly share the impact of misinformation on their platform and the audience it’s reaching … with all of you to create robust enforcement strategies that bridge their properties and provide transparency about rules.

You shouldn’t be banned from one platform and not others if you — for providing misinformation out there.”

In her July 15, 2021, press briefing,2 Psaki cited “The Disinformation Dozen” report3 by the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH), which claims 65% of anti-vaccine content on Facebook and Twitter comes from 12 individuals, including yours truly.

According to Facebook, they have removed 18 million posts with ���COVID misinformation,” and connected more than 2 billion users to “reliable information,” meaning state-sanctioned information. The Biden administration is not satisfied with these already staggering numbers and thinks more must be done. Specifically, as Psaki mentions, they want the “disinformation dozen” banned from all available social media platforms.

Psaki Disinforms Public About Vaccine Approval Status

In that same July 16 press briefing, Psaki also referred to the COVID shots as “approved,” and having “gone through the gold standard of the FDA approval process.”4 She said:

“The public has a right to know … And we’re dealing with a life-or-death issue here, and so everybody has a role to play in making sure there’s accurate information … It’s clear there are more [steps] that can be taken …

On the foreign government piece … the State Department’s Global Engagement Center has found that Russia and China have promoted their own vaccines through messaging that undermines Western origin vaccine development programs. So, you know, that is more than just competition about vaccines.

The risk and impact there is that this type of information magnifies, you know, the risk of potential side effects associated with Western vaccines. This is what they’re — what the information — some of this misinformation is doing — and misleads the public by falsely alleging that mRNA vaccines are untested and, thus, risky, even though many of them are approved and have gone through the gold standard of the FDA approval process.”

This is verifiably false. All currently available COVID injections are authorized for emergency use only. They are not licensed or approved. At present, the emergency use authorization applies to adults and children as young as 12.5 Those two terms, “authorized for emergency use” and “approved for use,” are not interchangeable.

Biden Administration Launches Illegal Attack on Free Speech

One wonders whether the admission that they’re flagging posts and accounts they don’t like so that social media companies can remove them is an attempt at normalizing illegal government overreach. It comes across that way.

But let’s be clear. This kind of corporate-government collusion to censor free speech violates the U.S. Constitution and is illegal. As noted by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in an April 5, 2021, ruling6 in which he weighed in on the ability of social media giants to control free speech:

“The government cannot accomplish through threats of adverse government action what the Constitution prohibits it from doing directly … Under this doctrine, plaintiffs might have colorable claims against a digital platform if it took adverse action against them in response to government threats.”

Even if the Biden administration is not threatening social media companies with adverse action if they refuse to censor at the government’s whim, the government cannot use private companies to do something on its behalf that it is not legally allowed to do on its own.

Put another way, it is illegal for government officials to pressure private companies into censoring free speech on their behalf or at their request, since they as government officials do not themselves have the right to infringe on free speech.

The same goes for attorneys general that have publicly called for social media companies to ban posts and deplatform accounts,7 as well as the surgeon general, Dr. Vivek Murthy, who recently stated that an “epidemic of misinformation and disinformation” is putting people’s lives at risk.8,9 He too has illegally called for “technology and social media companies to address the way misinformation and disinformation spread on their platforms.”

To that end, he even released his own 22-page report,10 which advises addressing “misinformation super-spreaders” and using educational institutions, from elementary school settings through college, as well as private funders, to “monitor and address” false and misleading information. The Rockefeller Foundation wasted no time in responding by announcing $13.5 million in new funding to help with the effort.

Again, these government officials have the right to their own opinion. But they do not have the right to censor other people’s opinion and/or information, least of all published research. And since they do not have the Constitutional right to censor Americans, they also cannot ask private companies to do it for them.

Government officials are also breaking several laws by incentivizing Americans into participating in medical experimentation, and collaborating with private companies to require personnel to participate in medical experimentation. It’s truly remarkable what’s happening, and the fact that so many laws are blatantly broken in an effort to get a needle in every arm suggests something other than public health interest is at play.

Why Is Truth About Natural Immunity Banned?

I’m still on Twitter, and in recent times, the only post deleted was one in which I indicated that naturally-infected people developed robust and long-lasting immunity, and that health officials need to be honest and admit that this immunity is very powerful.11

To my post, I had attached a paper12 published in the peer-review journal Nature. However, Twitter does censor me in a different sort of way by posting a detailed warning to users who click on any links to Mercola.com that I post on Twitter that visiting my site “may be unsafe” — which is completely false.

Recovered COVID patients have robust immunity even if their symptoms were mild and subsequent antibody count is low, because latent antibody-producing cells called memory B cells for SARS-CoV-2 still exist in their bone marrow. This was shown in another Nature study.13,14 When they encounter the SARS-CoV-2 virus again, those memory cells start churning out new antibodies, which will raise the level again to eliminate the virus.

The National Institutes of Health’s website15 even declares that recovery from COVID-19 provides “lasting immunity,” and that the immune systems of more than 95% of people who recovered from COVID-19 had “at least 3 out of 5 immune-system components that could recognize SARS-CoV-2 up to eight months post-infection.” This research was funded in part by the NIAID, and published in the journal Science.16

Clearly, the naturally-acquired immunity narrative poses a significant threat to the mass injection campaign. The information poses no threat to public health. Quite the contrary. The more people know about this, the less fearful they will feel. If they are the ones who recovered, they will know they now have good protection. If the former COVID patient is a family member or friend, they can be at ease with those people, knowing they pose no infection risk.

If it were really about keeping people safe from infection, natural immunity would be accepted and people would be encouraged to look at studies showing most places on earth have already achieved natural immunity. But when it comes to SARS-CoV-2, they insist even those who already have natural immunity should get a COVID shot. Why? They’re already immune! And there’s no added benefit to getting a COVID injection if you have antibodies.

Researchers at Cleveland Clinic looked at this issue, concluding that people who had tested positive for SARS-CoV-2 at least 42 days prior to vaccination reaped no additional protection from the jabs, over and above their natural immunity.17,18

Zero Benefit and All Risk for Recovered COVID Patients

Meanwhile, the COVID injection may trigger an adverse immune response in those who have already been infected with the virus, putting them at significantly increased risk of injury and death.19 As explained by Dr. Hooman Noorchashm, a cardiac surgeon and patient advocate:20

“Viral antigens persist in the tissues of the naturally infected for months. When the vaccine is used too early after a natural infection, or worse during an active infection, the vaccine force activates a powerful immune response that attacks the tissues where the natural viral antigens are persisting. This, I suggest, is the cause of the high level of adverse events and, likely deaths, we are seeing in the recently infected following vaccination.”

In early March 2021, researchers at King’s College confirmed the validity of Noorchashm’s concerns. They found people who have already had COVID-19 are three times more likely to experience vaccine side effects than those who have not been exposed to the virus, and this appears true for both mRNA and DNA versions of the vaccine.21

Using data from the Kings College ZOE app, which has logged more than 700,000 vaccinations, 35.7% of those given the Pfizer injection who had previously been infected reported side effects, compared to just 12.2% of those not previously infected.

Looking at the AstraZeneca vaccine, 52.7% of previously infected had side effects, compared to 31.9% of those who had not been previously infected. Despite these documented risks, the FDA continues to recommend the COVID shot for those with natural immunity.

Vaccination Versus Natural Immunity

Public Health England has published data showing only 44 of 6,614 previously infected persons tested positive for SARS-CoV-2 infection a second time.22 Of those 44, only 15 developed symptoms, so it’s quite possible the remainder were simply false positives.

Either way, the risk of reinfection after recovering from a bout of COVID-19 seems rare, and the risk of reinfection is far lower than the risk of infection faced by those who are fully “vaccinated.” As reported by Israel National News, July 13, 2021:23

“Coronavirus patients who recovered from the virus were far less likely to become infected during the latest wave of the pandemic than people who were vaccinated against COVID …

Health Ministry data on the wave of COVID outbreaks which began this May show that Israelis with immunity from natural infection were far less likely to become infected again in comparison to Israelis who only had immunity via vaccination.

More than 7,700 new cases of the virus have been detected during the most recent wave starting in May, but just 72 of the confirmed cases were reported in people who were known to have been infected previously — that is, less than 1% of the new cases. Roughly 40% of new cases — or more than 3,000 patients — involved people who had been infected despite being vaccinated.

With a total of 835,792 Israelis known to have recovered from the virus, the 72 instances of reinfection amount to 0.0086% of people who were already infected with COVID.

By contrast, Israelis who were vaccinated were 6.72 times more likely to get infected after the shot than after natural infection, with over 3,000 of the 5,193,499, or 0.0578%, of Israelis who were vaccinated getting infected in the latest wave.”

Impossible for COVID Jabs to Have Favorable Impact

In a world of differing opinions and eternally evolving science, who can claim rights to the truth? The White House press secretary seems to think the Biden administration should have dibs on the truth, while in the same breath disinforming the public by referring to the COVID shots as FDA approved with “gold standard” safety studies behind them.

Health agencies and their officials also disinform the public every time they claim vaccine-induced immunity is better than natural immunity, as this runs counter to everything we’ve ever learned about virology. It may be accurate for some diseases, but it certainly cannot be said for COVID-19. There’s far more data suggesting the COVID jab is an unnecessary risk that provides negligible benefit.

The overall noninstitutionalized infection fatality ratio is a mere 0.26%. Below 40 years of age, it’s 0.01%. What’s more, data shows the absolute risk reduction for all four COVID injections is between 0.7% and 1.3%. Since the absolute risk that needs to be overcome is lower than the benefit that these injections can provide, mass vaccination simply cannot have a favorable impact on the population. It’s mathematically impossible.

Remember, healthy adults under 50, teens and children have a less than 1% chance of hospitalization and death from COVID-19, so they don’t have a medical need for this experimental injection. The overall noninstitutionalized infection fatality ratio is a mere 0.26%. Below 40 years of age, it’s 0.01%.24 Those odds simply do not make a strong argument for mass injection with an experimental gene modification tool.

What’s more, data show the absolute risk reduction for all four COVID injections is between 0.7% and 1.3%.25,26 (Efficacy rates of 67% to 95% all refer to the relative risk reduction.) Since the absolute risk that needs to be overcome is lower than the benefit that these injections can provide, mass vaccination simply cannot have a favorable impact on the population. It’s mathematically impossible.

So, while government, public health leadership and pro-vaccine advocates insist we must follow the science, they themselves are doing anything but. For a year and a half, they’ve insisted pandemic measures like lockdowns, mask wearing and gene modification injections are the only way forward, despite mountains of evidence against each and every one of those strategies.

So, it’s not about science. If it were, they’d produce studies that overwhelmingly refute the counternarrative and prove demonstrable benefits. But they don’t. Instead, they unleash personal attacks and smear campaigns to discourage people from listening to anything that doesn’t come out of their propaganda machine.

Biden Administration Wants to Monitor Your Private Texts

The Biden Administration has now gone so far as to propose SMS carriers fact check private text messages to make sure Americans don’t share inconvenient facts to friends and family.

Ironically, White House spokesperson Kevin Munoz told Politico that this move was part of the administration’s “steadfast commitment to keep politics out of the vaccination efforts.”27 Backlash was swift, from legislators and private individuals alike, but time will tell whether it was enough to make the White House reconsider.28

It’s also not about public health, because if it were, they’d accept natural immunity, and they wouldn’t be breaking the law at every turn. No, it’s all about getting a needle in every arm — science, logic and common sense be damned. The question is why.

Many of my articles over the past year have detailed evidence pointing to this mass injection campaign being a tool to usher in a new world order of surveillance, worldwide poverty and the complete removal of medical and personal freedoms.

The Biden administration’s call to censor — through public utilities and private companies — anyone who shares information about risks and the lack of benefit of these COVID injections is clearly part of that agenda, and must be rejected on ethical, legal and Constitutional grounds.

The National Vaccine Information Center (NVIC) recently posted more than 50 video presentations from the pay-for-view Fifth International Public Conference on Vaccination held online October 16 to 18, 2020, and made them available to everyone for free.

The conference’s theme was “Protecting Health and Autonomy in the 21st Century” and it featured physicians, scientists and other health professionals, human rights activists, faith community leaders, constitutional and civil rights attorneys, authors and parents of vaccine injured children talking about vaccine science, policy, law and ethics and infectious diseases, including coronavirus and COVID-19 vaccines.

In December 2020, a U.K. company published false and misleading information about NVIC and its conference, which prompted NVIC to open up the whole conference for free viewing. The conference has everything you need to educate yourself and protect your personal freedoms and liberties with respect to your health.

Don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity. I was a speaker at this empowering conference and urge you to watch these video presentations before they’re censored and taken away by the technocratic elite.

Notes

1,4White House Press Briefing July 16, 2021

2White House Press Briefing July 15, 2021

3CCDH, The Disinformation Dozen

5FDA.gov May 10, 2021

6Ruling for writ of certiorari, President Joe Biden v. Knight First Amendment Institute at Columbia University, April 5, 2021 (PDF)

7Washington Post April 8, 2021

8MSN July 16, 2021

9HHS.gov July 15, 2021

10HHS.gov, Confronting Health Misinformation (PDF)

11Twitter Dr. Joseph Mercola July 15, 2021

12Nature June 14, 2021

13Nature May 24, 2021 DOI: 10.1038/s41586-02103647-4

14Washington University School of Medicine May 24, 2021

15NIH.gov NIH Research Matters January 26, 2021

16Science February 5, 2021; 371(6529): eabf4063

17medRxiv June 5, 2021 DOI: 10.1101/2021.06.01.21258176

18News Medical Life Sciences June 8, 2021

19Medium February 15, 2021

20The Defender March 23, 2021

21The Telegraph March 5, 2021 (Archived)

22Daily Mail January 13, 2021, Updated January 14, 2021

23Israel National News July 13, 2021

24Annals of Internal Medicine September 2, 2020 DOI: 10.7326/M20-5352

25Medicina 2021; 57: 199

26The Lancet Microbe July 1, 2021; 2(7): E279-E280

27Politico July 12, 2021, Updated July 13, 2021

28Fox News July 13, 2021

[aspiestvmusings]

WV 2: QUESTIONS

The things that were never fully explained or answered on the show.

Some will be answered/revealed in future MCU projects, but some might forever remain a mystery. 

QUESTIONS THE SHOW NEVER FULLY ANSWERED FOR ME, SO I “ANSWERED” THEM MYSELF:

                             *************************

BEEKEEPER: 

What happened to the beekeeper from ep 2? Did he become one of the characters on the sitcom? Was he thrown out of the hex like Monica? Did he get erased from existence? Was re has “rewind” aka went back to the sewers & has been looking for a way out ever since? Is it possible that she turned him into a poster in the library...seen when Visions enter the library for their “word battle”? (because this is the only bee reference I’ve noticed & that poster was not there during the ep 2 neighborhood watch meeting, so...) Did he turn into the ice-cream guy in ep 3? 

��                            *************************

MISSING PERSON: 

Who was the missing witness protection person Jimmy was searching for? Why did he or anyone else mention him again? Did the “sitcom case” take priority or what? Did he see the person on the show, but never mention it..to others/viewers...because he has to keep their identity a secret? Did we never see the person?

Unless it’s random...just to get the story starting, I see three most likely options:

a) Ralph Boehner - he is an actor or his new identity is an actor. Is he a skrull? (people keep saying he cant be the witness protection person, cause the headshot indicates he’s an actor & when you’re “in hiding” you don’t get assigned a cover/alias where you go out & be visible like actors on auditions. But... that headshot was old...of younger “Ralph”, so I’d say still possible & his cover-story is that he was an actor, but failed, and he doesn’t do that anymore)

b) mailman - he seemed sketchy to me til the end. Is he a skrull? Is he the witness?

c) “Vision” or “Wanda” - it was just one of Hayward’s tricks....to have  a reason to set up the camp  & all that. Hence why Jimmy couldn’t find any info on him...why no-one he contacted knew anything.

                             *************************

WV DOESN’T EXIST: 

What was the “memory loss” of those two cops & the missing persons relatives/associted all about? As Monica put it: why did these others people have no memory of WV or the missing person, but she & Jimmy did? Who & how was controlling those people or why didn’t they remember? (the cops thought the place is EastView, & a place like WestView does not exist. And others thought that the person X from witness protection does not exist even if he was supposed to be their “family member”) Why did some remember & some not? Everyone on the base seemed to be aware of the place, but pehaps it was somehow erased from everyone elses memory and/or existence?

Is it some sort of memory loss? Brainwashing? Wanda’s/someones mind-controlling? Something else? Agatha’s doing? Maybe she erased their memories/made them mix up things when she arrived to the hex & wanted time to investigate on her own before others arrived?

                             *************************

FIETRO: 

Fietro is Ralph, Agnes husband? The house is his, Agatha just took over & made him move to the “man-cave attick”? But who is this Ralph anyway? Does that headshot indicate he’s an actor? And that he was just cast in a role...much like Trevor Slattery was in IM3 (I personally loved that twist...maybe cause I love Ben Kingsley!). But perhaps there is more to him...than just a joke name? Or does he have that headshot cause he’s the witness protection person? Is his cover-story that he’s a failed actor (who has old headshots of himself,  but doesn’t act anymore)? 

                             *************************

THE NOSY NEIGHBOUR: 

What’s that gonna be like? What will Ralph think of this stranger living in his house, calling him her husband... Did Wanda trap her into the same house & role? Did she cast that spell correctly - will it work after hex is gone (based on her quick learning curve I'd say yes...the made sure the role extended also outside the hex). How will the townspeople react to her? Will they recognize her as an outsider... if she really did come there only after Wanda created the hex? Or are they only mad at Wanda & see Agnes as their hero? Will they remember the events of WV anomaly...or not? Based on Wanda’s promise “no one will bother you”, I’d say everyone will just remember Agatha as the nosy neighbour Agnes & no-one will know/remember seeing her fly & do witchy stuff?

How will that work? Were the peoples memories not wiped, so they know/remember that they saw this person fight Wanda, saw her powers? Will they know she's  witch, even if one "locked inside a character"? Will they then see her as their hero, freeing them from Wanda & try to free her from this "punishment"? Is there a witch among them who will try this? Will they go look for someone who could do that?  Does the line "no one will bother you" mean that everyone will act as if she is Agnes & that's how it'll work. And where will "Agnes" live? And what will she do? 

Will Jimmy & Monica handle that side? Giving her a "fake identity" (Is Agatha the missing witness protection person that no ones ever heard of? And Jimmy's search was a scene cut from the future, trandsported to the past/present?) Cause unless  Monica & Jimmy handle that side it's just gonna be weird...a 400-year-old witch with no ID just showing up in a random guys house climing she's the wife & "moving in" just like that...

But...since she seems to known a lot about the book & darkness then I’d say Wanda needs to consult her at some point. Or...since the broach was still part of her outfit...perhaps it serves as a key to help break Wanda’s spell and set her free. Maybe she’ll get help from someone?

                             *************************

AGATHA’S BROACH: 

When Wanda turns Agatha into "Agnes, the nosy neighbour" to play the role...forever, why does she not change her broach/why does the broach not change along with the rest of her outfit? Did she decide to not change it or did something prevent it from doing so? It's the broach Agatha took from her mom (a wicth) after killing her, it's the one she's worn throughout her stay in Westview.

                             *************************

AGATHA’S ARRIVAL: 

IF Agatha told the story correctly & she arrived to WC after Wanda created the hex...cause she sensed the magic, then how did no other witch seem to sense it & why was she able to enter the hex and do it without it altering her mind? Why exactly did the hex not affect Agatha in that way? How Was Agatha able to come there & bring her book with her?

When did she set up the secret witch-cave in the basement? Was it just an illusion...created as a show for Wanda? Or did she do all that during the frist episodes/days? Or was the basement real & already there? In that case...whose house is it & what’s that all about?

                             *************************

HOW DID AGATHA KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT WANDA? 

She seemed to know certain details. Were those all public knowledge (death of her brother, etc) and hence she could access the info? Did she “see” it through Wanda’s dreams & nightmares...that every person in the city was “watching in their heads”? Or did she use some kind of magic or tricks? Or have some ..sources? 

Though she seemed to know some details she was also unaware about many others, so...IDK. Possible that she knew of the bits that were public knowledge... from news, newspaper articles...

                             *************************

THE BUNNY: 

Was the purring & insect/bird eating just one of Agatha’s illusions/tricks, or is there more to that cerature? If it wasn’t just your regula pet then my money is on it being a Flerken (Goose...because Scratchy!)...which would make either Agatha and/or Ralph a skrull...in disguise. Or some sort of familiar or scary monster...turned into a bunny by Agatha. Cause no way that’s a regular pet bunny... it eats insects/birds! 

PS. The creators have confirmed that there were plans for the rabbit. There was a scene shot that revealed its true identity. The bunny was supposed to turn into a demon. But that scene was cut...for reasons. 

                             *************************

SKRULLS: 

OK...we got one more skrull revealed (one of the FBI is a skrull) in WV. We got two in FFH...which happens 8 months from now in MCU. Who else?

But are/were there more...and we just don’t yet?

                             *************************

MAILMAN/DELIVERY GUY?

What was really up with the pizza-delivery-guy turned into messenger (aka Wanda’s script csting her in several roles & him doing three jobs at once, being always on the move, never getting to rest - mailman, courier, delivery guy...for different companies)

I do not know if the mailman is also Jimmy's witness protection person (a courier/pizza delivery person might be a nice low-key job they would set up for such person?], but it does seem that Wanda cast her in all "delivery" roles. So he was pulling tripple-duty: mailman, courier... so he was exhausted, because he was always delivering something somewhere. Working many jobs at once. But... mostly I think the mailman was one of the chracters on a loop. While the people at the edge of the city were on a short loop...repeating the one move over & over, he seems to have been on a wide range loop. He was circling the town all the time. 

But... mostly I think the mailman was one of the chracters on a loop. While the people at the edge of the city were on a short loop...repeating the one move over & over, he seems to have been on a wide range loop. He was circling the town all the time. But mostly, his lines were on the loop. In the final episode he repeats his very first line. Meaning he was fed only like 5 lines of dialogue and after each was used once, he started from the beginning again. This is why he says "Don't shoot, I'm just the messenger" in ep 2 & again in ep 9.

                             *************************

DOTTIE: 

Was Dottie a red herring presented to the viewers in reality & MCU reality? By shows creators for us & by Agatha for Wanda and those watching Wanda’s broadcast? Was Agatha just trying to mess with Wanda, draw direction  away from herself by pointing to someone? Cause she claimed Dottie is the key to everything in WV? When she wasnt...based on what we learned. Was she really just used as a misdirection by Agatha...to fool Wanda (and us)? 

Based on the Season Finale it seems she was just a misdirection? But perhaps there is a reason that she seemed to be the one & only WV person, who after being freed from the mind-control didn’t attck Wanda right away, but instead tried to “bargain” - she was just asking to be able to hug her daughter. She wasn’t afraid of her like the rest - she even suggested their kids could become friends... She seemed to be the only one of “main cast”, who somewhat understood her. Why? Only other person who did was Monica - other superpowered individual who had just experienced loss & was grieving. Is this was connects Dottie with Wanda? Is this the reason she tries to talk it out first? 

I found it kind of interesing & weird that when they identified Phil Jones (the piano guy) as Harold Proctor they did not automatically identify Dottie (the wife, Sarah), too? Cause they put Jones info on the board, but Doddie does not get any identification. Why/How? Did they not think of at first assuming that "couples stay together", so first to check the identified peoples family members? Or did they try to do that, and in some cases it turned out to be not helpfull? Meaning that in some cases couple/familys were not kept together [would not fit Wanda's sitcome fantasy world as perfectly?] I just found it so strange.

  I do think the identification data was kept from the board for one reason only... to have that Agnes/Agatha reveal be "surprising" to regular viewers. because comic fans & TV-viewer detectives could sense that twist coing, but regular viewers probably could not.

                             *************************

DARCY: 

Where did Darcy really go at the end? Why did Darcy actually not stick around after hitting Hayward with the car? What is she really doing? Is she one of the people who are actually skrulls? Was she missing in the end just because they tried to keep the cast to minimum, so room for “side characters” cause so mjuch was hapening? Or is there a plot reason?

Yes, this was the result of real-life scheduling issue...due to covid. But...will they also write it in as something more/other in a future MCU project? Claiming she left early for a bigger reason?

                             *************************

HAYWARD’S PLAN:

What was Hayward & SWORD really up to? In the past few years he'd changed the focus to creating/buiding sentient weapons instead of just observing. What else were they building besides "new vision"? That hangar could fit a whole spaceship or more... And why does it seem that Hayward got his hands on some Stark tech (or something similar), considering the triangular "stark reactor" on his re-built Visions forehead. How did he get his hands on all this tech? Did Stark trust Rhodey, & Firy, who trusted military & Maria & SWORD, and hence certain things were made available to them? And who works for Hayward when they were able to re-build Vision in week (from parts to whole, paintjob done, arc reactor added to head...), cause someone who knows their stuff must work for him. Who, how? Who is the "scientist" who connected that "stark reactor" to re-constructed Vision's head...in a way that it works?

  Why do some viewers keep saying that Hayward shooting the kids came out of nowhere, and was like turning the helper to a villain in that moment? Um... can a story really be interpreted in so very different ways or did they miss something? The dude tried to use a "missile" on them already in episode 5! His goal might've been to get Wanda, but the target was not alone. In that specific scene the twins are right by her side.

  Hayward is not the good guy, because he planned this all along, he tricked Wanda & the others. He lied about things, he edited footage to manipulate facts. (yes, Wanda did the same with her broadcast, I know & understand). He had his own secret agenda & he manipulated Wanda, using her grief (he admits he knows what state she is in) to manipulate her to bring Vision back online/to life. He put on a show for Wanda & tried to get her to "feel" to get her to use her power to power up his new weapon. When she doesn't do so, he has to find new ways to get her to use her powers to get what he wants. And in doing all this he goes against Sokovia accords & Vision's will. 

Sure, part of his behaviour seem to come from fear (about the threats that universe hass seen) & desperation regarding the chaos the world had been past years, but his motivation is made cler pretty early on - he wants that pat on the shoulder from big boss. He will not stop at anything to create a sentient weapon, manipulate info/date...etc. His manipulation directly lead to the hex events - he put those ideas into Wanda’s head...but he was willing to take the risk. Just like with White Vision...he was aware they might not be able to control him (still under our control? yes, still ours) but he wanted his weapon so bad he was willing to risk it...knowing that Wanda’s powers often backfire & cause trouble. 

                             *************************

THE STORK 

Who caused the glitches during Wanda's pregnancy & while she was giving birth? Was it Wanda (her subconcious...her losing control of the illusion for a moment)? Was it Agatha trying to mess up things? Was it (partially) the kids already presenting their powers...from the womb? Was it the secret big bad that was never introduced within the show (Agatha's partner/master)? 

If we assume that the red she tried to use to make the stork disappear represents her magic then it not working suggests that it was the kids behind it, because she cannot control the kids. (though she probably could't control Agatha's "messing up everything" magic either)

                             *************************

FOR THE KIDS: 

“This is all for the kids...” I do not think this had anything to do with Wanda’s kids. After the finale it seems to me that those chants were all about the kids trapped in their bedrooms... kept away from their loved ones. The kids Wanda put in isolation/quarantine...for the duration of her sitcom (minus letting then out for Halloween..) 

The “actors” were just begging her to let them see their kids. They were playing their roles, and doing it all for their kids. Since she didn’t cast any other kids, but everyone asked about chid characters she created two...whote the parts for her twins to enter the story. To me this is confirmed by “Dottie’s” plea to Wanda..

But for Wanda’s mind it translated to a different message, too, because Agatha wanted to plant ideas in her head. So while the “cast” was taling about doing it for their kids, Wanda got the idea of kids of her own thanks to Agatha’s meddling and planting those ideas into her head (she’s like a marketing department... making her buy into the ideas she planted in her head thoughout the show...to write them into next episodes...)

                             *************************

VISION AT SWORD

How & why was he there, not in Wakanda or some Avengers or Stark facility? 

I do think that why he was there makes sense. Vision died in Wakanda during the Thanos Snap battle. Tony was in space then...and would not return for the next 3 months. Bruce & all other Avengers were defeated & the world as a whole was in ruins & in chaos.

  IF the Sokovia accords dicdated that the Visions body (vibranium) belongs to US government, then that is how & why he went to SWORD right away. But it is possible that initially he stayed in Wakanda (til Tony's return) or was kept somewhere else. But even though Tony & Avengers were not always agreeing with the government, then SWORD was lead by Monica's mother Maria back then, so it is possible they trusted her, cause Fury trusted her. That's the first reason why it makes sense he wold be kept there.

  I do think that since Tony & Avengers considered him as their friend, and "human", and he had a lliving will, and they knew that Wanda was his next of kin, and she had been dusted, then that is why they did not "bury" Vision. It was not their decision. It makes sense they would keep him hidden until Wanda's return, who would give him a proper burial when she'd return. Because the team, together & seprately were all quietly working on solutions how to undo the snap...

Also...since they considered Vision "human", then I dont think any of them wanted to keep his body in ther home or office (why he wasnt in Tony's garage or at the Avengers HQ probably). Because bad guys would probably come looking for the 3 billion dollars worth vibranium there first & they probably did not have the energy to deal with that. Also...they might have decided to not simply bury the vibranium simply because of the worth. Cause they did not want some bad guys dig him up & sell him to parts...for the vibranium.

  There are several options why he was at SWORD. But I think it makes more sense that Tony & co did not bury him (not their decision..it was Wanda's & Vision's decision...and we do not know what exactly his will said about that). It also makes perfect sense why they did not keep him at Avengers HQ. Because based on Hayward's comments he wasn't moved there after Endgame battle & destruction of the headquarters, but had been there all this time. I’m prerty sure Tony & co honoured Vision’s wishes not to be brough back to life AND to leave the funeral for the “widow” to arrange...since they all were hoping for & working for the return of the blipped...

                             *************************

WHAT WAS HAYWARD TRACKING INSIDE THE HEX?

He was tracking Vision & vibranium all along. He might not have known how there was a Vision in the hex, when he had the actual vibranium in his lab, but he saw a Vision, and since 6 million worth of vibranium is better than 3 million worth of vibranium, and 2 sentient weapons is better than one (he probably was not aware that they weren't completely real?). Since Wanda "created" an actual body made of vibranium, wires, blood, bones... it was possible to track it. And I guess Hayward did bring the best to the scene, cause Darcy figured out a way to see inside the hex (discovered the broadcast), but other experts in that "clowncar"seemed to have figured out things, too.

                             *************************

WHITE! VISION: 

What happened to White Vision? Where did he go (when he flew off)?  This is the original Vision - the one made of vibranium, a mix of Jarvis + Ultron + Tony + Bruce + other elements....minus teh mind stone. The one Wanda fell in love with. He has the physical body, he has the memories. He had his memories, but could not access the file...until Hex Vision unlocked access to that file & those memories. He remembers everything...up until Thanos. The only part missing is the Mind Stone...but as we learned in A3... he can survive without it, cause theres still a lot of “him” left without it. But he is probably still missing one element...the emotional connection w. Wanda (”soul”), hence I don’t see WV reuniting right away in next fim/project. What is he now? He recognized that he is (a) Vision & he, too, is the real one.

Did all the data coming in at once just overload his operating system & he needed to cool down? Did he go to find answers to Wakanda...where the vibranium in his is from, where he “died”, where he remembers Shuri separating the differents parts of him....to regain the missing bits...)? Did he go on a search for a mind stone? Did he still have that command “destroy Vision & Wanda” on his to do list Hayward gave him...and he went to destroy...himself? Did getting his memories back make him realize that if he wants to re-connect to Wanda, he needs the mindstone? Because while the team theorized in A3 that he can exist without it, I kinda think that Wanda & Vision connected “through” their shared element...the mind stone. I do not know if it has to be physically on his forehead. Maybe the “energy” from the piece inside Wanda will be enough? But...I do think that just like with the disassembled Vision at SWORD Wanda can not feel the White Vision...hence they had him leave, not stick around. 

Based on his eyes changing from robot to human after he gets his memories back I’d say he is free of SWORDS control. This is why I think he just went to search for the truth/answers. Because... when Hex Vision wanted answers, he went to look for them from the “outside world” & to do that he had to go past an OCTAGON - the “stop” sign before the hex border. And the Colourless Vision flew through an OCTAGON shaped glass ceiling to get out of there. Hayward said “He really wants out, doesn’t he?” when Hex Vision was trying to break free from Hex & “Wanda’s control” to find answers and to help people. I think this is exactly what this new version of Vision did. And the similar shape as an “exit point” symbolises this. “I want to break free” was the song paying inside his head. 

My main guesses are:

a) this Vision either went to Wakanda...where the vibranium his body is made of is from...and where he died... and since Shuri is back after the Blip, he might go for his “scan”... cause Shuri can provide him with more answer on himself. 99% 

b) that he followed the command from Hayward & since he know knew who he was (I am Vision), he destroyed himself. He now knows that he is Vision (he realized that he is Vision...which is more than original Vision did. His identity at first was I am...), so he is self aware...  0,1% possibility

c) or other options are that he just needed time to process everything and/or his returned memories told him he must leave Wanda time to go through some things... Too much data process at once, system overload...when Hex Vision overflooded him with all the memories...

I am still unsure how to read the moment where Hex Vision awakens White Vision... was he just giving him access to the secret memory dat/files or was he also trnsfering his own memories with Wanda/his soul into the version he knew would remain while he would be gone?

But if we are to believe that just like we the MVU universe doesn’t know about him until months later (Spidey 3, Dr. Strange 2), then most likely answer is Wakanda.

                             *************************

THE TWINS: 

What is the origin of Wanda’s kids really? We saw that she actually did create vibranium for Hex Vision’s body. Cause the two Vision were equal in every way & SWORD tracked two vibranium objects, so...he is a copy of the original in a way. So she can create things from “nothing” (unless it’s actually not nothing, and she’s pulling the materilas from somewhere or something... cause even in MCU laws of physics should exists/apply?) So did she create the kids from “nothing”? Or are the kids real in a way that 50% of their origin comes from Vision. We know Vision can take human form. We know this Hex Version had maybe even more human in him (of blood and bone) than original? And...we saw Vision CRY. He can cry, so if he is able to produce tears...whose to say he can’t produce other bodily fluids? To get technical about it. Maybe in this fictional superhero world things that are impossible in real world aren’t so? Maybe “robots” can evolve to be able to actually have offspring...even if said robots themselves are confused about how that’s possible (ep 3)?

But...then we have Wanda thanking the kids for choosing her as their mom &  that post end scredits scene with SW reading the darkhold & hearing her kids cal her for help. Was it her memory? Was is a dream? Were they actually calling for her help..cause they’re stuck..somewhere (other dimension?) This, along with all the devil/nightmare etc references throughout WV seems to hint towards the MCU taking more than just loose idea from the comics. Maybe Wanda did...knowingly or unknowingly use "Devil’s” soul to create her kids? Cause... Fietro was under Agatha’s control, and she knows the history, so why would Fietro make those “demon spawn” references otherwise? I’m thinking the MCU & MOM might go that route...that this is how they were created...

But... I do think that even if this is the route MCU takes (copying comics), the end scene of WV showed something very important. Wanda, Vision, Billy, Tommy...they became a family. And if they are not actually biological offspring of Wanda & Vision, then that end scene showed us exactly what makes a family, and a parent. Who did the kids call mom & dad? = Wanda & Vision. Because these are the two people, who are their parents, because biology doesn’t make one a parent. 

And we saw Wanda seeing what a wonderful dad Vision was. From the “proud Papay-a” joke...til the “I’m proud of you” & good night kiss... His journey was complete - he was experiencing the loss of  loved one (throwback to their old conversation on grief)

                             *************************

THE TWINS - POST CREDITS: 

Where are the kids? What did Wanda hear in the end credits scene? Is it her nightmare? Is it her “imagination”? Is it real & the boys are “trapped” somewhere & actually calling for her & she can sense them...from another place & time (whoi took them & where are they in that case)? Is she trying to bring them back/re-create them...but this time without the restrictions of the hex (get the spell right, not cast a flawed one that had limitations)

                             *************************

HEX! VISION - FATE: 

If the boys are “alive” then what happened to the Hex Vision? Does he, too, exist somewhere is some form? Is he trapped somewhere, too? Or...is he now just a memory...without a physical form (until she re-creates him, again, too...when she’s learned how to do it without flaws like tying his existence to a dome)?

                             *************************

DR. STRANGE?: 

Where was Dr. Strange during the events of WandaVision? If Agatha could sense the hex/spells, then why & how could Strange not? Why was he not there? Why wasn’t he monitoring the situation? Or...if he was (just not shown to us yet) then I hope we get his POV on the situation. Or was Wanda somehow blocking him from sensing the anomaly and/or her? (then we have to wonder how Agatha sensed it or is she sensed it at all..cause how did she enter the hex & remain herself & uncontrolled? - can & does that happen/apply only to “superpowered beings”?) Cause I was surprised that we did not get a direct reference to him (no post credits cameo) considering his role in MCU... And I cannot wait for it to be explained in MOM.

Was he aware of the events? Was he busy with bigger issues and hence didn’t intervene? Did he monitor the situation from afar? Did he not intervene for a purpose (cause he looked further into future when he still had the time stone & knew how it ends etc)..because he needed this to play out..just like he needed Endgame events to play out? Perhaps he was playing the long game, and did not deal with it, because he needed Wanda to become the Scarlet Witch.... a more powerful being that he is? Pehaps he is aware that he needs her on his team to fight aginst a threat he alone cannot win against? So he had to let everything play out as it did...for Wanda to accept her true identity & become SW?

                             *************************

COTTAGE - END CREDITS: 

What is that cottage about? Is it supoosed to be more like Thanos retiring to countryside after “doing the universe a huge favor”? Or more like the end of 2008 Hulk film, when HUlk goes to a cottage in the middle of nowhere to learn to control his power (anger)? Or is it more like a reference to Evil Dead and the cotttage in the forest with a “dark” book inside. 

The heroes & villains in superhero stories always end up living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, kind of “off grid” after “the big event” - Hulk at the end of 2008 Hulk film, Thanos after his Snap, Tony after losing to Thanos, but getting Pepper (and Morgan) back.... and now Wanda after Westview...

Is this supposed to be the mountains from the comics? Is this supposed to be Wandas MCU homeland? Or is this suppsoed to just represent a secluded location where she learns about herself, her abilities, etc?

                             *************************

WANDA’S AWARENESS: 

When did Wanda start to realize what she’d done & when did she become fully aware? This was not fully answered/exlained, but based on everything I’d say the turn happened in ep 3 with birth of twins + mention of reality + throwing the outsider out. Though she censored the broadcast already in ep 2 & she & Vision  both started to wonder why they can’t remember things in ep 1 already, I thought that both the plot and the commercials suggested the turn happened then. She loses control of some of the things as the birth takes a lot of energy from her. Then she hears a reference to past & reality, and that awakens her. But I think that only after she looks at her hands in a “what have I done” way when she sees the destruction after throwing Monica out does she start putting the picture together...that she did this.

But...she does not understand or know the real effect of it on the people, and the ramification of her actions until that moment in the town square in ep 9 when Agnes has freed the cast from her mind control. Her eyes are opened to the truth only then. And the moment the truth hits her...she takes action: first she attacks herself for what she did (but since everyone feels everything she feels then by choking herself she is also choking everyone else) & she starts tearing the hex down. First attempt is interrupted...for reasons. But she sets things right: she can’t take it back, but she can stop it from going on. Even if it’s not a happy ending for everyone. For people of WV it’s just like a bad dream..when it’s over they realize none of it was real. But for her & her family.... it’s not that kind of a show (with happy ending).

She goes through the stages of grief with her take on the sitcom reality: first denial, then anger & bargaining, and in the end acceptance.

                             *************************

WANDA - MoM: 

What this story told us is that Wanda is a fast learner. And though she doesn’t have an actual teacher/guide, she learns “on the move”. Agatha reveals her secrets & trade secrets to Wanda by bragging about her knowledge & tricks... which Wanda quickly learns to use against her,

I am still unsure if they’ll go "Wanda becomes evil” or “Wanda chooses to be good” route. Will her story copy Agatha’s or will she do as she said she’ll do... that she is not like Agatha. Her mom realized she cannot be good. But Hex Vision knew she can be good & even tells her “Be good” in ep 6. And she herself, after realizing the damage she’s causing, immediately tries to fix it (taking the hex down when she is told her pain is hurting others) I can still see it going either way.

I’m not sure if she as a fast learner will be able to fight the darkness or if her maternal instinct will make her make rash decisions. Will she attempt to help her kids & cause another “accident” & hence Dr. Strange must come to save the day? Or...will she turn to him for help/he will offer his help to her? But either way...seems that MOM plot will be linked to her trying to save her kids from whereever they are trapped/bringing them back...safely (remember: Agnes hinted that there was a way to bring Vision & Kids to life in a safe way...without making their existance dependant of the hex....she will try to find out what that way is.

I kind hope she will be good... not turn full villain. Because... her origins story and whole storyarc, to me, seems done so similarly to Tony. Both considered threats & villains by many - govermńments, civilians...who they’ve unintentionally hurt. Both journeys strongly connected to loss & grief. Both carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Tony turned his life around when he became aware of the concequences of his actions...even if he still made mistakes on the way... and I think they’re gonna go similar route with “Wanda”

But I think her role in MoM depends mainly on one thing - if MCU/Feige considers the TV show to be part of the full story, or separate. If it’s part, then IMO she won’t be the villain. definitely not intentional, and possibly even not unintentional (cause that’d be having her go through the exact same arc she did in WV). And I hope they dont follow the comics story here in detail, because that’s not surprising. If they’ll do what happened in comics after she “lost her kids”, then we know exactly whats gonna happen, but I expect to be surprised. And since MCU likes to do their own twist on the stories, not copy everything exactly as in comics, I hope we get a surprise twist here, too. Cause I’d be more impressed if they kept her on “learning to understand & control her new abilities to not make the mistakes shes made in past” route instead of repeting the same mistakes she’s already made (letting a villain mislead her). 

                             *************************

MAKE HEX SMALLER?

Why did Wanda not leave  a small hex around her family & the house...keeping the fake reality up? At least until she figured out a way to keep them alive outside?

I am not 100% sure I understood why that was. But I believe it was explained with two things mainly: Agatha’s lesson on magic that explained some things & the fear of outsiders. Agatha told her that the fake reality she created was & would always be broken & one a spell is cast it cannot be changed, so the only way was to “undo it”, because “changing” was not an option.

And secondly...next outside force like Hayward would come & try to get their hands on her creation - the millions of worth vibranium, the superpowered individuals they could turn into weapons. And..she also knew that their happy home could not be there anymore, because in the eyes of WV people she/they were the evil, so they’d turn on the mini-hex.

Also...though she created Vision & the twins (whether in their fake reality the boys were created "naturally” or she used some kind of magic... is irrelevant here) she cannot control them - they were separate of her since start, and had free will. They would not stay inside the hex & fake reality...they would search for way out... for example, because they were looking for answers...beyond the world they were restrained to...

Sure, it seemed that when Agatha freed the townspeople from Wanda’s control during the final battle & the hex was still up, they were free of her control, so it kinda seems it would’ve been possible to untangle the hex & mindcontrolling of the people from the rest? But...IDK... 

                             *************************

WANDA = “HERO OR VILLAIN”?

I think that this is another philosophical question...just like “which ship is the real one” & “which Vision is the true one?”. There is no one singular answer here. She is made of chaos AND order. She, like every human has good & bad in her. And I think seeing her as only/just either 100%r good or 100% bad means not looking at the whole picture. There is no singular “answer” here...for none of the characters. 

I think Vision was able to explain it the best to us...throughout the series. She did not intend to do this, she was not aware of doing it, and it all being subconsious...but despite that what she was doing was wrong.

The people of WV see her as evil/villain. Should they? Shoud they fear her? How & Why was no-one beside Monica able to empathize with her? Has none of them lost anyone? Was the mind-controlling worse than anything other they’ve experiences in their lives? Why did they UNINOMOUSLY turn against her? For them it was a week of “pain”, and there was an end to it. 

I can understand & “empathize” with both Wanda & people of WV. Both have suffered & been hurting. 

What she did was wrong. The people should not just forgive her right then & there and move on ike it was nothing. But if this was the final push for her to start to understand her power, then good can come of it. What happened is simply because she did not understand or know how to control her powers. She did not anticipate that by simply crying or “feeling sad” she can change reality. That her feelings affect reality essentially. Normal people when grieving sometimes lash out on people around them...she cannot do that....cause when she does it “imprisons” peoples minds and makes them her puppets...without her knowing this happens....basically.

After she became aware of it, partly, she kept the freality intact for a few reasons: she had to grant him his final wish...to grow old together, she had to finish the script/story. No one else mourned Vision, no one else “cared”. Secondly...she was not fully aware of what it did to the cast of her show (it only become obvious to her at the end). And thirdly...as Monica said: theres no knowing what will happen if they make rash decisions (what will happen to those inside & those outside the hex)...Wanda probably didn’t know either. 

IF they make her the villain, then how about this twist (not following comics) - why not make her NIGHTMARE? Because it’s “her thing”...she intentionally or intentionally gives people nightmares. Others can feel her feelings & see her nightmares... Just use the name, but change the villain.

                             *************************

WHY DID WANDA “RUN & HIDE”? 

It’s the same reason why IMO she can’t just keep the hex intact just around their dream house...because there will always be another Hayward. Another government and/or villain, who wants to use Vision and/or her (superpowered individuals) as weapons, etc. 

Especially now, when Tony is not alive anymore, and the Avengers have been “disbanded”, she could not stay & be used as a “weapon”. So she fleed, and set up her own quarantine stacation. And I truly believe that her plan was to learn to understand her powers first. She did the only thing that would not hurt innocent bystanders... she removed herself from the world. Cause her powers aren’t contained by prison walls. And until she learnbs to understand & control them being on trial or prison might make her feel strongly gain and accidentally cause the next hex event. To avoid that happening she must learn to control the powers first... 

But I do believe that either unintentionally or intentionally (cause she tries to take shortcut to get her kids back) she makes mistakes along the way. The book “overpowers” her or something... That is a possibility.

To draw parallels to our real world.... I know families who have been separated because of the current state of world and who have not been in the same house, city, country or even continent...for months. Separated by “quarantine”.

                             *************************

AGATHA’S HOUSE: 

As Billy noted in 1x07 Agatha's house is quiet & Agatha herself is quiet on the inside...meaning he cannot hear her, he cannot read her mind inside the house. And he likes being in there because elsewhere it's "noisy" (in his head...as he can read minds). We know that Wanda cannot read Agatha's thoughts & cannot control her...like she does with other WV people, but it's never explained how or why. And as Fietro/Ralph notes in 1x09 to Monica - no-one can hear her screaming... from inside the house...and I think it applies to the whole house not just to the "soundproof" man-cave. 

Meaning...he is aware that the house if protected from the outside. But how  & why is that? How did Agatha protect the house from Wanda's spell/hex? How does that all work? How was she able to presumably enter the hex (without being changed), and create a space free of the spell within the spell? How did her book help her accomplish this?

AGATHA’S BASEMENT: 

Speaking of the house... why is there a safe room (man cave) in the attick? And a witch cave in the basement? Did Agatha create both environments or were they there when she moved in? Whose hosue is this really & why are there weird rooms in there? If this is Ralph's house then why does he have those places in his house? And what happens to Agatha's items after hex goes down? (the witch books, the rabbit..)

  I do not fully understand these comics themes like magic and such. So I don't fully understand what the show is telling (this fantastical magic is a myth, not science-based to me) But...if we assume that Agatha told the truth when she said that once cast, a spell cannot be broken then, then that still does not mean that other magic cannot happen within the hex. All the  powered characters proved that - Wanda & Agnes were both able to add or change things within the hex. So this is how & why Agatha was able to put her own spell on Ralph/Fietro, and their house. This is how & why Wanda could expand the hex. It didn't erase the original spells code errors, it just added more code to the spell.

It just did not change the original spell where she re-created Vision, and tied his existence to the hex...which became the stage for their sitcom. It didn’t affect the spell connecting the existence of her family to mind-controlling the “cast” into playing the roles written for them.  

                             *************************

IT WAS AGATHA ALL ALONG: 

No, I'm not looking into the things she messed up during Wanda's sitcom filming. Instead I am looking into the similarities & differences between Agatha & Wanda. And whether Agatha is the "bad guy" or the "more neutral teacher". Cause their stories are similar, it's obvious they made them similar in many ways. In 1693 Agatha has gone & misused her powers because she doesn't understand them enough (it's left unclear if on purpose or by accident). This is essentially what Wanda does in 2023. Agatha's own mother does not believe she can be(come) good. Wanda's guide in all things (her moral concience) Vision never loses his faith in her and that even though she has misused her powers she must not have meant it, and that she can fix it ("Be good, Wanda.") Agatha, on the other hand, seems to urge her to use her chaotic powers...which, as we know, she knows all about...so she knows the issues that come along with them.

  So while in many ways she's been a teacher, and a guide, and a (grief) concellour to her during the hex, it does seem that she has only taken those roles for self gain. She is after the power, because that is how she becomes more powerful, and because she thinks she is more deserving of it that her/others. Even after she finds out that Wanda is destined to become the Scarlett Witch she manipulates her into using her magic. Her main motivator is left unclear - does she want Wanda to use her power and bring on the chaos the prohecy in the book says OR if she wants to become the SW herself. We saw that in 1693 her own mother was about the receive a "witch crown",  but Agatha drained her of her power...yet not receiving a crown herself. Now history repeats itself. She sees yet another witch get the crown instead of her.

  And part of me thinks that one part of her motivation is jealousy of these others being chosen insted of her. Though at the same time there are also references about her being just a messenger - doing the simple work for someone else (either she's a willing partner, being "blackmailled" into doing so, or used without her knowledge). She seems to want to avoid Wanda making her mistake of using powers beyond her knowledge...not repeating her mistake. She also seems to envy her cause what has taken her centuries to learn through hard work, she can do without even trying. And she also seems to at times "grieve" and want to bring someone important to her back to life, too. I get so many different and a bit conflicting readings from her. I am still unsure what her real motivation and plans are. Or what role she really played.

  Her plan is to "steal" Wanda's power. That's her goal since the start. But...first she must learn more about what it is she's encountered. Who is Wanda, what her powers are about, and so on. This is why she meddles with the sicom. She is doing everything she can to  make Wanda use/show her powers. She also sets the snowball rolling on the kids theme. For an undisclosed reason she needs to know what powers Wanda has, and if she can create things/life from nothing, and/or bring back the dead. This is why she reads her the women's magazine article & manipulates her to think about kids (the seduction techniques article, making Dottie & everyone chant "for the kids"). She, for whatever reason, wants Wanda to show her powers, and create life/kids. We're left to assume she needs to see them grow up fast, too. She kills the dog just to see if the kids will age themselves up again and to see if Wanda can/will bring back the dead. We can assume why she wants all this, but the real reason/plan is never revealed to us.

  Agatha promises a solution - how to fix the hex, and she knows Wanda is easily tricked, because of her denial & state of mind. She misleads Wanda, because unlike Wanda she knows there is no fix, because "once cast a spell cannot be changed/fixed". Agatha's behaviour is strange. At times it seems she made these mistakes herself, and is now trying to guide Wanda, to not repeat her mistake. Though for some reason she also does not explain what it is that she did, or why & how to not epeat her mistakes (in using magic you've not  mastered yet) Agatha is just like a vampire, but instead of blood she feeds on others powers. I though that in a way Billy & Tommy discussing if Uncle P. was a vampire can be considered a litte funny nod to this idea. Because she is essentially a "power-draining vampire"

Agatha was behind many of the things happening inside the hex (which itself was created by Wanda). She manipulated events to keep it going longer. She kept hinting at kids so that Wanda would create them. She "started rumours" (hinting at Dottie being the key, Monica being outsider), making Wanda question Monica, etc. She came up with tricks to make Vision more suspicious. She did everything she could to separate Wanda from others (divide & concour) - she sent Vision to look for answer from beyond (The Truth Is Out There! such a Mulder thing) She had her kick Monica out. She "hypnotized" Ralph & used him as a pupet. When everything else failed, she kidnapped her kids, and then trapped her in the basement where her powers wouldn't work. PS. The fact that Wanda fell for such trick (a villain using her mother instincts and her kids to trap her) is why I am not entirely sure that fan theories about MoM are correct. Would she let another villain trick her again...even if the Darkhold makes its reader "mad" & hence not logical at all... 

Also, I'm thinking it was Agatha who deleted the cops memories of Westview (if we assume she really did come from outside the hex then it makes sense she "met" the cops who came to investigate...)

I do think that Agatha's mother was correct - she is not good. Maybe she let the Darkhold compromise her, maybe she just chooses to be not good, because no-one saw her as such, so she started not just seeing herself as "not good"; but became such way. She discovered the hex and she (unlike Wanda, the SWORD team, Vision, townspeople) knew what had happened since the moment she arrived, yet she shared the info with no-one & didn't try to help anyone...because she had her own agenda. She constantly kept messing with the hex & events, which lead to more hurting to people. She caused the rift between Wanda & others, she made Vision go looking for answer, which lead to Wanda expanding the hex. This was Agatha's goal all along. She needed her to use her magic as much as possible, to show her what she can do, to give her evidence on who she is & what she can do (how she did this, how she was able to do this). None of it was cause she really cared for the townspeople, or Wanda, or her family. She's the bad guy...with a few good sides. But mostöy she helped because it advanced her own plan & end goal (get more magic for herself, become more powerful by making those she deemed unworthy powerless)

IMO her goal was not really to get Wanda to the moment when she lets everyone go & frees everyone and ends the “torture”, but to get what she herself was after. It doesn’t seem that she did the “therapy” sessions and all with the intentions of the townspeoples wellbeing in mind. Though she and her motives remained unclear, it seems that she did...all of the things she did...for her own personal gain. Cause how dare some baby witch with no training or studies do better than her...someone who has had to spend centuries studying to achieve even a fraction of what Wanda can do without any effort?

                             *************************

RALPH:

It seems that this house is Ralph's house, because the bills are in his name (with water/eletricity usage going way up just recently...after long low numbers...suggesting that the house was unhabited...so he was dusted & just came back). But what's up with the house? Why would he need a man cave like that, when Agnes is not really his wife & he is actualy the only person living in that house...until hex? And why does he have that weird basement? Who is he really? And what's his story really? [Or was the basement an illusion Agatha showed Wanda & it doesn't really look like this?] 

And if that's his real name, why laugh at it? Something is definitely up with "Ralph". Is he the witness protection person & that was his file...for him to learn his new identity, and not a reference that he's an actor and that's his headshot? And his powers were never explained. We're left to just assume that Agatha gave him the ability through the necklace. But we've never actually told if she can do that kind of magic. That's why I don't think he's just a random Ralph. But I don't also think he's "from multiverse". Though it is stil possible...

  There are things that suggest he's the witness protection person. And then there are things that speak against it. The funny name (or...is he an adult film actor, and hence the name?), the strange safe room in the house (unless Agatha created it & moved him there & soundproofed it, then it was already there...). The overdue waterbill (with spikes on usage in Feb & Sept-Oct 2020?...when i's supposed to be around Oct-Nov 2023...) seem also interesting. If the wrong year is an error from props, then ok. But if it's not, then this guy just took over some guys house & identity who used to live there..until 3 years ago... around the time SWORD changed their meaning...

I do think that unless they're trying to double-trick everyone & a reveal is coming in further future that he was actually the other Pietro, it's most likely that he isn't & was never meant to be. But I also think there's more to him than just some random Ralph, whose house Agatha took over just because it was next to the one Wanda created. I do think the name might be the directors nod to a character on a tv sitcom he used to be part of the cast (creators love to add little nods to people & things they know & like into their works). But putting his name + Agatha's bunny + her comment that there's no taming Agnes comments together... that's a tripple adult joke...

And, untimately, I think this character being just Ralph was supposed to be about the viewers going through the same experience as Wanda. Wanda is pretty messed up, so when a stranger shows up to her door, and claims to be her brother, she at first embraces it. Because she really wants it to be true. But slowly logic takes over, and she becomes suspicious, and questions the actual truth. For Wanda he kinda looks similar, and he has the brothers abilities. So she accepts the lie as the truth...for a second (they did the same with White Vision in ep 9...when for a moment she thought it's her Vision...because she wanted it to be true..so badly). I do think that this was one of the reasons behind this character. I do think that within this show it was always supposed to be about the veiwers being confused together with Wanda. Which...does not mean there's not more to him that'll be explored in the future. And they might still turn it into a multiverse plot twist, but for now, I think it worked the way it did. Especially since they did leave it open with all the little weird details (laughing at his own name, etc)

And it worked...we, like Wanda, wanted to believe “the lie” so badly that we convinced ourselves into believing he is Fox Quicksilver. This is why I personally loved this reveal. And I don’t get the upset. Because this works so much better with the shows theme. It shows how powerful “suggestion” is, and how easy it is to trick the human mind. 

                             *************************

AGATHA’S ACTIONS: 

If Agatha is able to free everyone from Wanda’s spell (as demonstrated in the finale), then why didn’t she do it sooner/right away?

Is it cause she didn’t fully understand what was going on soon enough? We know that Vision didn’t free everyone right away after ep 5 was because freeing them meant causing them feel pain, and Vision is all good. But what’s Agatha’s excuse/explanation? If she considers Wanda’s mind-control as wrong, then why did she not help the people if she could? Because she had her own agenda...she needed her to keep up the illusion in order to get what she wanted. And she was doing it all knowingly.

Agatha has no right to judge Wanda here. Vision & Monica do/have. People of WV can. The damage Wanda caused was an accidental byproduct of her grief (when she cries everyone feels it & cries..without her knowing...she can’t affect others emotions), but Agatha planned everything with full knowedge of what she was doing. She is the villain who seems to have good intentions. Wanda is the hero, who seems to have bad intentions. One lead by good, other by evil.

                             *************************

WANDA VS MONICA/"GERALDINE"

I think that the reason Wanda seems to be hostile towards Monica, while she seems to be determined to help her at any cost (to herself) is all about reality vs hex-ality. If you pay attention then the moments that "anger" Wanda during this sitcom freality are the ones where something from actual reality gets through to her freality. Jimmy's radio message in ep 2. The beekeeper in ep 2. Mention of Ultron in ep 3. The drones. Since Monica represents the reality that is ruining her fake reality, does not fit in, is a deviation from her script, then she is trying to edit it out. Monica is trying to connect to Wanda because of the grief connection (she has similar experience due to what happened with her mom & the blip). Wanda is also probably not completety sure she isn't on the same team as Hayward is. She might focus her anger towards her cause in her mind she represents SWORD.

  Also...some bits are making me think that Wanda sensed that there was an outsider in her dream-world. That there was an enemy among her neighbours/friends. But...she either could not identify them, or Agatha mis-directed the suspicion at others on purpose, making her mis-identify the threat. Cause what Wanda tells Geraldine before she kicks her out is actually, in reality, applies to Agatha.

Also...from production POV...the reason they had Wanda physically attack Monica, and not others is because shes the only "random" person with powers. So she's a worthy match. And they used this to set up her powers, and showcase them. Once it was decided Monica was part of the shows story, and she'd get her powers, that was it. She had to exit the hex (2x enter + 1x exit), and Wanda is basically the only one who could make that happen (throw someone out). So from that POV it was just a means to an end. The ep 7 fight was to show us & Wanda more of her powers.

                             *************************

THE STATE OF WESTVIEW: 

Did Wanda see WestView as being in ruins & people all alone & sad when she was driving through the city becase of her own mental state (when she arrive there)? Was she projecting her own feeling to others & hence saw her own feelings in others? And in reality the city was not in the state she saw it? Because based on the finale the people of WV did not seem as sad & city as much in ruins as it looked to her? Did she accidentally project her feeling on others...for real? Is this what happened? 

When the hex goes down the city is still “rusty” (boarded up houses, no shine), but the people might not have been as un happy as she perceived? We won’t know...

Was her perception accurate or incorrect?  Not answered, really...

                              *************************

THE AEROSPACE ENGINEER?

Though it seems that the engineer friend was the lady she met up with, who brough Monica the vehicle to enter the hex, I am still a bit unsure about her not being just the messenger, because Monica originally says “guy”...which kinda hints towards a male. So that, to me, was also left a bit open ended...

JIMMY’S FRIEND CLIFF?

Who is this other FBI agent Ciff who Jimmy calls to help. Who is this? I don’t think it’s anyone important. I just think that this is yet another meta joke. He is calling Cliff Hanger. #Cliffhanger lol 

THE END 

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Bombshell [B. Barnes] - 2

Pairing: British SHIELD Agent!Reader x Bucky Barnes

Warnings: swearing, (legal) alcohol consumption, explosions, memory loss, mentions of past trauma, mentions of death

Work Count: 5.8K

See end for Author’s Notes.

Masterlist  Previous Part

___

"Agent Y/L/N, what's your status?" the concerned voice crackled over the coms. "Y/L/N check in."

You huffed, rolling your eyes as you took out a guard.

"Jesus Rogers, we split up less than two minutes ago. I'm fine."

"I'm sorry for being concerned," Steve muttered sarcastically under his breath, the coms barely picked it up and you bit back a laugh, trying to remain stealthy.

You peaked your head around the corner, peering into the large room before you to ensure that it was empty. Once you were sure it was clear, you made your way around what appeared to be a storage room, checking for any objects of importance or secret passageways. As you cleared each wall, you made sure to slap a small disk to each one.

"Y/N, we're at the quinjet, what's your status?" Natasha came over the coms.

"Just finishing up down here Nat," you replied lightly, making your way back to the stairs, slapping a few more disks in the hallway for good measure. "Who's 'we'?"

"Steve and me."

You sighed, equal parts worried and relieved. "Wilson, what's your position?"

"Couple Nazis on the roof, I've got it covered," Sam responded with a grunt.

"Take them out quickly, please," you ordered, holding your position on the stairs. "I'm activating the bombs and we'll only have a couple of minutes to get out of here."

"Yes ma'am," Sam answered, and you almost thought you could hear him mock salute you, "Will you have enough time?"

"What do you take me for?" You gasped, offended, "an amateur?"

Sam barked out a laugh and you couldn't help but smile in response.

"Nazis down." He announced over the coms. "Commence explosions."

"With pleasure," you smirked, pressing the button on the activator. "T-minus five minutes to detonation." You announced, running up the stairs. "Nat?"

"We're in position." The redhead affirmed over coms and you ran harder, making sure to press the button on each floor to activate the bombs you had placed on your way to the basement.

You had about two minutes to spare by the time you reached the roof, pushing yourself harder as you sprinted up the quinjet ramp.

"Go!" You barked out, Nat immediately pulling the jet off the roof and into the sky, the ramp not even closed.

"I... am going... to kill... Stark." You panted, doubled over as you tried to catch your breath. You could hear the explosions in the distance as the building beneath you was destroyed. "Honestly... would it kill him... to make longer-ranged bombs?"

"Well, to be fair, we've never had an explosives expert on the team before." Steve defended only to be met with a glare.

"That's no excuse." You glowered. "They had better bombs in World War Two and you know it!"

You had seen some of them yourself in Tripp's suitcase of Howling Commandos gadgets that he got from his grandfather. They may have been bigger and a pain in the ass to set, but at least they gave an adequate amount of time to get to safety.

As if he could hear your thoughts, Steve echoed the same sentiment,

"These ones are a helluva lot easier to set." He argued, tossing one of the round explosives in one hand.

"Rogers, you idiot." You snapped, snatching the bomb out of the air before he could catch it again. "This is a bomb, not a toy!"

Steve had the gall to smile while you scolded him. "Jesus, that is not something I should have to say to someone who is nearly one-hundred-years-old."

"Relax, Y/N, it's not like it's gonna explode." The super-soldier placed a hand on your shoulder and you scowled up at him.

"It very well could!" You knew that he was right, the explosive was stable and could only be activated with the remote, however, now the argument was about principle. "Who's the explosives expert here, hm?"

"How did a history major become an expert in blowing things up?" Sam asked curiously, breaking up your petty argument.

"Well, I've been exploding things since I was a little girl," you began, making a show of putting the bomb back into its designated case before plopping down into one of the many seats lining the interior of the quinjet. "My dad was a science teacher and we used to do all kinds of experiments together. Coke and Mentos, baking soda volcanos, film canister rockets- the works."

You sighed happily, though Sam and Steve didn't miss the sad look in your eyes that was always present when you talked about your family.

"I sort of naturally drifted towards real explosives after SHIELD recruited me." You shrugged and Sam nodded understandably, but Steve was staring at you as if you had just told him the moon was orange.

"What happens when you mix Coke and Mentos?" He asked warily and yours and Sam's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Y-you don't know?" Sam spluttered out through his shock.

Steve shook his head slowly, looking even more alarmed by your response to his question.

"Oh, Stevie, we are going to have so much fun when we get back." You grinned already choosing which of Tony's labs you would be hijacking.

___

"So what did you do for fun when you were a kid?" You asked as you sat on the floor of one of the many Stark labs at the Tower.

A soda-covered tarp sat abandoned nearby and you and Steve were surrounded by nearly-empty two-liters of Coke. After touching back down in New York, you immediately ran out to buy the soda and mints necessary for the classic experiment. You had a hypothesis that Steve might want to repeat the explosion more than once, a hypothesis that the man readily proved correct. Now you sat facing each other, steadily drinking your way through the flat soda left in the bottom of the plastic bottles because you had insisted it was "tradition."

"Well, my ma and I were pretty poor, even before the Depression hit." Steve began, taking a swig of the nearest two-liter and grimacing slightly at the taste of slightly-minty flat Coke. "We couldn't afford to go out much, so we made do with what we had at home. I remember I spent about a week drawing playing cards when our deck fell apart. I used to draw a lot back then."

You recognized the look of mixed nostalgia and grief in Steve's eyes as he spoke about the past; it was a look you were intimately familiar with yourself.

"When Bucky and I moved in together after my ma passed he'd let me sketch him while he cooked or baked in the kitchen." Steve smiled, a faraway look in his eyes as he recounted the past.

"You never helped out?" You asked, teasing lacing your voice.

"Nah," Steve laughed. "I was hopeless in the kitchen, still kinda am. After I nearly burnt down the kitchen twice Buck stopped letting me anywhere near the stove."

You smiled, thoroughly enjoying Steve's storytelling. He seemed at ease in that moment, completely relaxed and open, something rare for Captain America. The wheels began to turn in your own head when he brought up his childhood best friend, now a fugitive with spotty memories of his own past.

"What were his favorite things to make?" You asked and Steve grinned, though it was so natural you weren’t even sure he realized he was doing it.

"I was too sick to work back then, and with only one source of income we were still pretty disadvantaged, but on special occasions, Bucky would make this baked apple pudding that was divine."

"Divine, huh?" You giggled, tucking that information away. "I wish I could've tried it."

"I actually might still have the recipe." Steve perked up at the thought and you stared at him, puzzled.

"How do you still have a recipe from the thirties?"

"When I went into the ice the SSR boxed up everything in my apartment for 'records.' When I woke up SHIELD gave them all back to me." The blond downed the last of the flat soda and jumped to his feet, practically buzzing in excitement. "C'mon let's go look for it!"

"Slow down there, cowboy." You held out a cautionary hand before gesturing at the lab. "We have to clean all this up first so Stark doesn't kill us."

Steve groaned but relented and you spent the next fifteen minutes making sure Tony would never know they had exploded soda in his "state-of-the-art, high-tech labs."

___

"Sergeant Barnes, it's Agent Y/L/N. I'm coming in." You announced into the speaker, the door beside it unlocking with a click as the technology recognized your voice.

The cabin was dark when you entered but before you could reach out to flip the light switch next to the door you were pinned to the wall, grocery bags falling to the floor.

You couldn't help the gasp that escaped your lips though you made sure to control your breathing the way you were trained to. You knew what to do in this situation but needed to remain calm to do it. The arm pressing across the top of your chest made it difficult to breathe steadily, but you were able to manage after a minute of focusing on remaining still and slowing your heart rate.

"Sergeant Barnes." You managed to get out, your voice a bit raspy albeit steady.

The man growled at the name and said something in Russian that you couldn't understand.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes." You began again. "You were a Sergeant of the one-hundred-and-seventh division in World War Two. On a mission to intercept an enemy transport, you were injured and captured by Hydra. Hydra experimented on you and brainwashed you."

You could feel the muscles in the arm relax, though the man wasn't close to removing it just yet, so you continued.

"I am Agent Y/N Y/L/N. Three months ago we met in Washington D.C. and I brought you to this safe house. Every week since then I have come here to check in on you and bring you groceries."

This wasn't the first time you had been met with the Winter Soldier when you arrived at the safehouse and you had had to quickly learn how to bring Sergeant Barnes back. You had found the Soldier responded best to facts, and so you would lay out the facts that led Barnes to that moment in the most even and calm voice you could, allowing the Soldier to stand down and Barnes to come through.

"You are not the Winter Soldier, Sergeant Barnes." You reminded him evenly, and after a moment you felt the man relax entirely and stager quickly away from you.

"Agent Y/L/N, I'm so sorry." He gasped, voice ragged as he quickly worked to pick up the groceries that had fallen out of their bags when you had dropped them.

"It's quite alright, Sergeant Barnes. I know that wasn't you."

It was easy to say because you believed it, though you hadn't always. When you had initially brought Barnes to the abandoned SHIELD safehouse it had been to monitor him to see how much of him overlapped with his assassin alter ego. After about a month of observation, you had found that there was no overlap between the two, other than the fact that Barnes held the Soldier's memories. Hydra had tried to erase everything that made James Buchanan Barnes the man he was when creating their super-powered assassin.

"What's all this?" Barnes asked quietly, starring perplexed at the groceries, particularly the bag full of baking supplies.

"I thought you and I might bake something together," you said, trying not to give away your entire plan.

You had hoped to jog the man's memories a bit however you wanted to avoid accidentally planting false memories.

"I... I think I would like that?" The man said, though it came out more like a question as he still wasn't really sure what he did and didn't like anymore.

You smiled reassuringly. "Well then, lets hop to it!"

You worked quickly to put away the rest of the groceries before you laid out the ingredients for your bake on the counter.

"First and foremost those apples are going to need to be peeled and chopped," You said, nodding towards the apples as you held out a knife to the man beside you.

The two of you stood just like that for a moment, you with your arm holding out the knife and Barnes not taking it from you before you finally looked over at the man.

"What's the matter, Sergeant Barnes?" You asked, your accent clipped with concern.

"I can't be trusted." He said softly, and you almost missed it.

"Really now, Barnes, would I be trying to give you a knife if I thought you would hurt me?" You tried to reason, hoping you were doing enough to quell his anxieties. "I trust you, Sergeant Barnes, even if you don't trust yourself."

"James." He spoke so quietly that you weren’t sure if he had even spoken at all.

"What was that?"

"James," He repeated, more confidently this time. "You can call me James."

He wasn't sure why he had said it. From what he could remember, he hated the name James, everybody had called him Bucky. You were confused by it as well. You had never once heard Steve refer to him as James, always Buck or Bucky. Regardless, a first-name basis was a step in the right direction and you would take it.

"Alright then, James," you smiled at the man, "Those apples aren't going to cut themselves."

"Yes ma'am!" He joked as he finally took the knife from your hand, seeming to surprise himself as much as he surprised you and you smiled even wider.

You worked in mostly silence, the kitchen filled only with the sounds of your labor and James giving instructions- you had given him the recipe right away, hoping it would spark some memories. He didn't tell you if it had, but he moved through the kitchen with an ease and comfort you had yet to see from the man. You thought maybe he didn't realize; that he was having a subconscious reaction to being back in the kitchen, baking something that had at one point held such significance to him.

"Alright, Stevie, desserts in the oven, whaddya want for dinner?" James asked, his back to you as he rifled through the fridge. As soon as the words left his mouth he paused, slumping inwards on himself.

"James?" You asked softly, cautiously stepping towards the man.

"I- I remembered something." He said brokenly, and you decided it was safe to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Steve- I- we used to live together, I think," James spoke, gripping the fridge door tightly in an attempt to support himself. "I- I used to bake this for him, I- where did you get this recipe?"

His voice had turned somewhat hostile with the last question but you stood your ground, not stepping back from the man in front of you.

"Steve gave it to me," you said softly, hoping he could hear the honesty in your voice, "He told me how you used to make it for him."

"Is he- does he know I'm here?" James asked as he turned around to face you, eyes and voice filled with panic.

"No, and I won't tell him until you tell me you're ready."

"Thank you, Agent Y/L/N."

"It's Y/N." You smiled kindly, "Now, what should we have for dinner?"

___

"This mean anything to you?" You asked, eyebrow raised inquisitively as you set the old paper down in front of Skye.

"Where did you get this?" The agent gasped, breezing past the fact that no one was supposed to know what she had been working on.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence for you, nearly everyone at SHIELD seemed to think you knew more than you did.

"The Avengers brought me along on a Hydra raid. Found that in the basement of the warehouse, thought it looked familiar." You pointed to the worn parchment laid out on the table.

It was covered in an interlocking series of lines and circles that you didn't understand but you had seen Skye working on something similar in the past months.

"Does anyone know you have this?"

"Nope." You answered, a sly grin on your face. "Nabbed it before I left and then blew up the entire building, so Hydra won't know it’s missing either."

"What do you know about it?" Skye asked, seeming to have realized that this was supposed to be between her and Coulson.

"Nothing, other than that Coulson's had you working on it in secret for a few months now," you answered honestly. "You have to be a little quicker when closing down the holoscreen." You added when you noticed Skye's confusion.

"Noted," Skye responded dryly. "Well, thank you for the old parchment but I can't tell you anything else."

"I didn't expect you to," you smiled before asking, "How about something you can talk about? Like what happened with Browning?"

"Hunter's still pissed we've been shadowing them," Skye smirked and you laughed, not even slightly surprised. The mercenary was more a fan of his paychecks than of SHIELD's protocols. "But an enhanced took out Browning before we could get to him. We're pretty sure he's with Hydra which means they're after the 0-8-4 too."

"Big surprise there," you sighed, the world may think Hydra is gone but you knew the truth: they were just biding their time in the shadows once again.

"So when do we go out to collect it before they can?" You asked curiously, having been off base when the first mission had occurred and Coulson wasn't exactly accepting visitors to his office.

"As soon as we figure out where the government is keeping it." Skye sighed and you groaned. The US Government, or more specifically General Talbot, had been making SHIELD's operations even more difficult lately.

"Is he in the lab?" You asked, changing the subject.

"He's barely left, he's working on the samples we collected from the enhanced right now."

You frowned but nodded in thanks to the agent before making your way towards the lab.

Fitz hadn't been doing much better, he was still struggling to come up with words and his hands were still shaky. Additionally, he seemed to be talking to himself, or rather, a version of Simmons he had conjured up for himself. In your downtime on the base, you found herself just sitting in the lab, an option for Fitz to talk to if he wanted but you always brought a book or something to occupy yourself if not. Today you were sitting on the floor, leaning against a lab station while reading Rob Chernow's biography Alexander Hamilton.

"Uhh, Y-Y/N," Fitz began to panic, waving his hand wildly to get your attention.

"What is it?" You asked worriedly, quickly getting to your feet to stand next to the scientist.

"Y-you see that too, right?"

You did see. The metal samples Fitz had been analyzing had begun to ooze with a red liquid.

"Is that... blood?" You asked, face contorted in disgust and slight fascination.

Before Fitz could answer, the two of you watched as the pieces of metal turned into what appeared to be human flesh.

"What the hell?" You muttered under your breath while Fitz relaxed beside you.

"This is good, I mean- weird, but I can-" Fitz stuttered out tensing up once again and shaking his hand as he tried to come up with the words, looking over his shoulder as if looking to someone else for the answer.

"Figure out who's blood it is?" You supplied and Fitz nodded.

"Shouldn't be too hard." He affirmed quietly under his breath as if he needed to convince himself.

"Well you've got my help regardless," You smiled and Fitz nodded lightly before doling out instructions.

It wasn't the first time you had served as Fitz's hands in the lab and you fully intended to offer your services as long as he still needed them. Working together it took you about an hour to analyze the sample and search the various world DNA databases for a match, eventually finding one in SHIELD's own database.

"Carl Creel?" Fitz read the name out loud as you both peered at the monitor.

"We crossed him off the Index?" You asked skeptically, it wasn't uncommon for SHIELD to take out potentially dangerous enhanced individuals in the past, but clearly they hadn't done a very good job with Creel.

You pondered how SHIELD could've been so careless when Fitz pointed to the supervising agent listed on the report.

"Of course it was Garrett," you sighed. "We should get this to Coulson."

___

"Why am I here Maria?" You asked harshly, arms crossed as you stared at the woman. "I could've been helping Coulson."

"I get that you want to help, Y/N, but you still work here and you have to keep up appearances," Maria said firmly, ignoring her friend's scowl. "If you really want to help SHIELD, you'll keep your cover intact."

You rolled your eyes but you knew Maria was right. If you spent too much time away from the Tower the Avengers would get suspicious and they couldn't know that Coulson or SHIELD were still alive.

"Plus, you know you can't get involved with Talbot."

You rolled her eyes again.

"Why does it matter Mar? He clearly saw us both when we crossed his team at Providence. Why does it matter if he sees me with SHIELD again?"

"Y/N, you and I both know why it matters, you're just being stubborn. As far as the world is concerned, SHIELD is a terrorist group and if you're associated with them-"

"It'll bring a lot of bad PR to the Avengers and I'll have to step down from both organizations to protect them." You finished for her, sighing frustratedly. "I know, Maria, I just hate it."

"Go blow off some steam, hang out with the team, whatever you need to do," Maria instructed in the motherly tone she had used when she was your SO. "There's a classified mission on the books to explain your absence."

As if summoned, Sam walked into the conference room moments after Maria had finished speaking.

"Hey! Y/N is back!" He exclaimed, a grin on his face. "Where ya been?"

"That, my friend, is classified," you answered with a sly smirk before turning to Maria in order to keep up appearances, "Am I finished with my debrief, Agent Hill?"

"You're free to go, Agent Y/L/N," Maria confirmed before turning to Sam, "Next time, knock before you burst into occupied meeting rooms, Mr. Wilson."

"You could just lock the door," Sam shot back but retracted it when he was met with Maria's no-nonsense glare. "Yes ma'am, I'll knock next time."

You did your best to hold back your laughter at the interaction until you and Sam had left the room. You immediately erupted into giggles and Sam groaned.

"I don't know why you guys even bother with all that 'Agent Hill' 'Agent Y/L/N' crap." He said, trying to turn the tables on you as you boarded the elevator. "We all know you're friends, it's so unnecessary."

"It's about professionalism, Sam," you answered, smirking. "I know you don't get it because the Avengers lack any sense of professionalism whatsoever but-"

"Hey! I take great offense to that!" A voice yelped from behind you and you turned to see that Tony was on the elevator as well.

"Oh please, Stark, you're the worst perpetrator of unprofessionalism." You pointed out and Sam snorted.

"I'm not the one who exploded coke all over one of the labs with Rogers last week," Tony shot back and you flushed.

"That was on our off time and we cleaned it up!" You protested, "How'd you even find out about that?"

"You think I don't have surveillance in my labs?"

"Wait you guys did the Coke and Mentos without me?" Sam whined right as the elevator doors opened on the gym floor.

"Oh, look at that, this is my floor," you said, rushing off the elevator to escape your friend's inevitable wrath for leaving him out of the childish experiment.

"No way, Y/L/N, you're not getting off that easy," Sam followed you and you broke into a run.

You sprinted down the hallway towards the gym doors, Sam hot on your heels.

"Steve! Nat! Help!" You squealed as you burst through the double doors, darting behind Steve's tall frame as he stood in front of a punching bag.

"Get back here, Y/L/N!" Sam yelled as he ran through the doors, still swinging from your entrance.

"What's this about, Sam?" Steve asked in mock seriousness as the man stalked towards them.

"Oh good Rogers, you're here too," Sam said and Steve had the mind to look alarmed right before Sam landed a hit on the super soldier's arm.

"Sam! What the hell was that for?"

"You guys blew up pop without me!"

"I didn't know you were supposed to do it with us!" Steve protested and the pair went silent for a moment.

Then you found herself struggling in Steve's arms as he turned on you.

"Steve! Let me go!" You gasped.

"Tell Sam you're sorry," Steve instructed, and you bit back a laugh, schooling your face into one of determination.

"Never!" You yelled, using your years of training to maneuver out of Steve's grip and using his weight to your advantage to flip him to the ground, his back landing hitting the mat below them with a thud.

Natasha let out a whoop from the other side of the gym where she had been silently observing. "That's my girl!"

You shot the redhead a grin as you took up a defensive stance. "Try me, Wilson." you dared.

Sam looked between the British agent and the blond supersoldier who was still lying between the mat before standing down.

"Nah," he shook his head, "Just invite me next time."

You snorted but agreed.

"Hey Y/N, wanna spar?" Nat called from the other side of the gym where she was already wrapping her fists.

"Sure," you answered with a laugh, "I love getting my ass kicked by former Soviet operatives."

Sam, Steve, and Nat all laughed and you flipped them off mockingly as you walked to the locker room to change out of your work clothes.

___

"I got here as soon as I could," you said sadly as you knelt next to Skye.

You were in Hartley's room and Skye was packing up the agent's belongings.

"How's everyone holding up?"

"I think we're all compartmentalizing," Skye sighed, folding up a piece of clothing and placing it in the suitcase. "Coulson won't mourn until we find out if Hunter snitched, and Mack and Tripp are putting all their efforts into reverse-engineering the quinjet's cloaking."

You had to remind yourself to take a deep breath to stop yourself from going off about the cloaking. You were less than thrilled with how Coulson, and truly the rest of the team, had been handling Fitz since the accident, and now they had gone ahead and found a cloaking solution even though Fitz had been working on one for months. You knew the organization desperately needed it, but you thought Coulson could've at least brought Fitz on to what they were doing instead of keeping him in the dark. But now wasn't time to get into that debate, now was the time to mourn Hartley and Idaho.

You helped Skye pack up the rest of Hartley's belongings until you were joined by Hunter, who had apparently decided not to betray SHIELD. You gave the two of them space, heading to the lab instead. Your presence there had started as a way to comfort Fitz, but at some point, the grey tiles and sterile surfaces had become something of a comfort to yourself. You had planned to just sit in a corner and stew in your emotions, maybe text Nat or Steve or Sam, but when you approached Mack was there talking to Fitz. You stood in the doorway, not wanting to enter the room and interrupt whatever they were doing. It was rare for other team members to seek out Fitz in the lab, everyone was too afraid of what they'd find.

You watched as Fitz handed Mack a file, the taller agent looking them over.

"I didn't solve this today." Fitz blurted but instead of wincing or pointedly looking anywhere but at the man, Mack looked up from the files to look the scientist in the eyes.

"You think you can?"

You cursed yourself as you let an excited gasp escape you. It immediately drew the two men's attention and the atmosphere of the lab changed.

"Y/N," Mack acknowledged and Fitz looked down shyly.

"I was just coming here for some peace, but I'd love to help," you explained your eavesdropping sheepishly.

"I think we could use the extra hands." Mack smiled and you grinned, stepping into the lab.

"What're we looking at?" You asked, stepping forward to look at the file that was now placed on one of the many lab tables.

It wasn't long before you had a cluster of lab techs gathered around the three of you as Fitz doled out instructions.

"It's about the.. the resonant," Fitz explained, though it was clear that none of the techs quite knew what he meant by the way their eyes flitted between you and Mack for help.

Fitz noticed the looks and you frowned as he clutched the wires he had been holding closer to his chest. "I didn't solve this today."

"So, what is this?" Mack asked, holding up another object that you didn't recognize. "Is this some sort of sonic device? Like the cloaking?"

You watched as the two men grew increasingly frustrated with each other.

"No, I- ugh, I didn't-" Fitz fumbled, his tone becoming more helpless as he continued to be misunderstood.

"Sorry, forget the cloaking." Mack waved it off and you glared at the techs as they exchanged wary looks. "No one blames you for that, let's just focus on Creel."

You yelped slightly as Fitz threw the papers off the lab table they'd been working at and Mack yelled for him to calm down.

"Get. out." You growled at the techs as they exchanged another look when Fitz turned his back to the group. They scampered off and Fitz turned back around to face them.

Okay." He said, taking a deep breath.

"Take it easy," Mack told the man and you frowned as you saw Fitz become visibly upset again.

'Look, I didn't solve this today!" He exclaimed and Mack matched his frustrations.

"Yeah, I know! You've said that already!" He yelled back.

"No!" Fitz exclaimed, "I didn't solve this today."

Mack looked like he was about to blow his top but you finally made the connection.

"You mean you've solved this before?" You asked him eagerly, eyes alight with the realization.

Fitz nodded excitedly, his posture relaxing slightly now that he had gotten his point across.

"Wait, you mean this is an old design?" Mack asked

"Yes! Yes!" Fitz said and you reached for a tablet, pulling up the designs from the past year.

"Okay, we're with you, Turbo," Mack said as they gathered around the tablet.

You began to flip through the designs, a few of which you recognized from various SHIELD reports until Fitz stopped you at one called the Overkill Device.

"Let's tell the team." You grinned at Fitz who looked quite proud of himself as he looked over the schematics.

___

"Did you get the 0-8-4?" You asked eagerly as the team filed off the quinjet.

You had been bitter that you weren’t brought in on the mission, especially since it had nothing to do with Talbot or any other government official but you knew you had accomplished something big back on base so you were willing to let it go.

"No," Hunter shook his head, "But we got Creel."

He jerked his thumb behind him a few agents escorted Creel off the Bus. Hunter wore a shit-eating grin and even dared to throw some taunts at the man as he passed them. You knew this was important to him, after what the man did to Hartley and Idaho.

"So Fitz's device worked?" You were thrilled, he needed a win, and this was a big one.

"Worked like a charm!" Hunter answered, taking a break from yelling insults at Creel's back.

"Woah, what the hell happened to Skye, Tripp, and May?" You demanded as the three slowly made their way off the plane with help from Coulson, each of them glaring daggers at Hunter as they passed by. "And Coulson was in the field?"

"A lot happened, I'll fill you in over a beer," Hunter said, making his way into the base and you followed.

You were mostly quiet as they made your way to the kitchen, Hunter grabbing you two bottles from the fridge.

"So what did you do to piss off May, Tripp, and Skye and to get Coulson into the field?" You asked as they sat on the barstools that lined the kitchen island.

"Might've iced them all to get a shot at Creel," Hunter shrugged nonchalantly and you gaped.

"You what?"

"Then Coulson took Creel down with Fitz's device and offered me a job at SHIELD." Hunter continued, speaking like this was just another day at the office for him.

"Hunter, that doesn't make any sense. You shot three of our agents!"

"With ICERS!" Hunter protested, "I wouldn't have killed them!"

You merely raised an eyebrow as if to say "wouldn't you have?"

"Y'know what? I take great offense to that, Y/L/N." Hunter said, using the hand holding his beer to gesture at your face. "I think I'd quite like to drink alone now."

"You're such an ass, Hunter." You laughed, standing up from your stool.

"Funny, that's what my ex-wife told me before we split up." He joked and you rolled your eyes.

"Well, I suppose I'll be seeing you around, Agent Lance Hunter," you smirked at Hunter's grimace and grabbed two more beers from the fridge, carrying them back to the Hanger.

As you expected, the Bus ramp was down and Mack and Fitz were stood inside.

"You look like you could use some refreshments." You joked as you walked up the incline to stand with the two men, handing each one a bottle.

"What's this for?" Mack asked, an easy smile on his face as he accepted the drink.

"To celebrate, of course," you answered, "Without Fitz, we never could've captured Creel, and if Coulson's plans to hand him over to Talbot works we might finally have the military off our asses."

"I'll drink to that," Mack said and you saw Fitz smile, the three of you clinking your bottles together.

___

a/n: Lot’s of jumps in this one. I think I’ve kinda decided that’s how most chapters are going to be- I’ve got a lot of ground to cover between here and endgame and I don’t want this story to drag on too much. Since the story is in Season 2 of Agents of SHIELD right now I think the Avengers parts are going to be a little lighter to balance out the heavier SHIELD moments (Though I did manage to get in an Avengers action scene). That’ll shift once we reach MCU territory. Also, first full Bucky encounter! Let me know what you think!

[thegeekyblondegirlwholovesstars]

Coming Home Part Six

Warnings: There will be mentions of the sexual assault from the previous parts but other than that it only goes as far as the show does. 

Sorry it took me so long to get this part up. I had to take a few days for myself but to be honest I missed writing this for you guys!!! I really hope you enjoy this part, there’s not too much drama here just some angst but part seven is gonna be a good one! Thank you for reading and sticking with me, let me know if you want to be added to the tag list :)💖💖

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

“Yeah of course.” you replied standing up and straightening your floral sundress. You followed him down the hill, the two of you settled at the base of the hill, on the side that overlooked the coast. The sun was down now and the moonlight glinted off the ocean, lightning bugs surrounded you in the starlight. “What’s up J?” 

“You promised me you’d tell me what happened last night.” JJ shifted and turned towards you as he began playing with a blade of grass. “I know it was really traumatic for you and I don’t want to push anything on you,” he looked into your eyes now and pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear, “but Bug I can’t stand seeing you all bruised and cut up. It makes me sick to my stomach and I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened to you if I didn’t get to you when I did.” 

You met his gaze and moved closer to him, your knees touching. “JJ don’t beat yourself up about it. Nothing about what happened was your fault, and thank you for saving me last night. I don’t want to know what would have happened if you didn’t.”

You took a moment before continuing, shifting your gaze to the horizon line and breathing deeply, preparing yourself for what you were about to say. You returned your gaze to JJ, whose eyes hadn’t left you, licked your lips and sighed.

“Last night I was sitting on top of the lifeguard chair by myself, looking for Rafe. I hadn’t seen him for hours, he sort of disappeared with Topper. I was scanning the fire for him and I spotted you, then Sarah and John B.” You couldn’t help but smile as you remembered the feeling of your heart swelling at your first sight of JJ since you returned back home. “Then I said your names under my breath and he sort of appeared out of nowhere. He was very drunk and he heard me say your names. He went off on me, he grabbed me from the lifeguard tower and pulled me over to the alcove where you found me. He slammed me against the rock wall and tore my bracelets off my wrists while he screamed at me. Then he started to…” you paused. 

“If you’re not ready you don’t have to keep going.” JJ’s leg was bouncing in anger but he spoke comfortingly. 

“No I want to finish, I honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far.” “He started to run his hand up my thigh and he had me pinned against the wall so I couldn’t move. Then he started to unbutton my skirt. That’s where you came in.”  

JJ’s face was riddled with anger and his heart hurt knowing you had to go through that. “Next time I see Rafe…..ohh he’s not gonna know what hit him.” 

“JJ, I don’t need you getting into a fight or getting hurt on my behalf. I give you full permission to take action if he tries something again but please, for me, don’t actively go after him.” You took his hand and planted a kiss on his cheek before saying, “Thank you though, for caring and for saving me. You mean the world to me JJ.” 

“I’ll try not to. But I’m sorry Bug I can’t make any promises, not after what he did to you. I don’t care if I get hurt in the process… And how could I not care, I mean it’s you.”

You gazed into his eyes, wishing you could read his mind. You’d kill to know what was going through his head right now.

“I’m really proud of you for getting through that. I know it couldn’t have been easy and I really appreciate you telling me.”

“Of course J, it’s probably better that I talk about it and not ignore it like I have been anyway. I don’t know if I’m ready to tell anyone else yet though.” 

He pulled you into a big bear hug, unable to restrain himself after seeing the pain in your eyes as you admitted just how hard you had been fighting away thoughts of last night. You nuzzled into his chest enjoying the warmth of his body, the sea breeze had strengthened giving you goosebumps in your thin sundress. You felt completely safe and remained in JJ’s arms for several minutes before you finally broke. Everything caught up to you. Sobs racked your body and you were shaking uncontrollably. You thought leaving the Pogues for the first time, of your parents, of leaving Rhode Island, of how empty you had felt for the last few months, and of last night 

“I know, I’m here y/n” JJ said softly. You continued to cry into his chest, letting it all out. As you began to calm down, Kie appeared over the top of the hill. 

“Hey guys we're gonna head out.”

JJ gave her a look, letting her know that you’d be on your way in a bit but also that she shouldn’t come over to where you sat. She nodded, her eyes soft seeing you crying and returned to the rest of the group.

- 

“They’ll be over in a bit.”

“Is everything okay?” Pope inquired. 

“Honestly I’m not completely sure, y/n was crying. I don’t think we should ask about it though.”

“Yeah probably not, if she didn’t want to do that in front of us it was probably for good reason. She's been through a lot, we need to give her some time.” John B spoke agreeably. Everyone nodded. 

-

You pulled away from JJ and whipped your cheeks sniffling. “Thank you, I needed that.” 

“I could tell.” He stood and helped you to your feet. Not letting go of your hand as you walked back to the van. 

When you got there everyone was already settled in and ready to go. You and JJ took the back seat and a few minutes into the drive you fell asleep with your head on JJ’s shoulder. 

John B, Sarah, Pope, and Kie had been talking when you fell asleep but after JJ noticed that you were out he motioned to all of them, putting his finger to his lips and pointing to you. After that they all quieted down. When the six of you reached your house Kie leaned forward from where she had been sitting and rubbed your shin, waking you gently. 

“Hey, y/n.” You’re home. You opened your eyes groggily. JJ shifted, he hadn’t moved since you fell asleep so he didn’t wake you. Before moving to get out of the van you stretched slightly. You stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of your house and smiled into the van, looking at your friends made your heart feel warm and safe. 

“Thank you guys for a wonderful day. I love you all so much.”

Their responses echoed. And you started up the walk before turning around remembering that Sarah still had your clothes from the night before. You ran to the passenger window and grabbed them from her. 

“Why don’t you and Kie come for breakfast tomorrow? We can go shopping and then be back for an afternoon surf.” 

Sarah nodded and smiled. Kie gave you a thumbs up, she looked like she was about to fall asleep herself. 

Waving goodbye, you retreated into your house and walked in with a big smile on your face. Letting everything go like that felt good and that tight knot that was normally in your chest felt as though it had unraveled. You also couldn’t get over the feeling of safety and comfort that you found being in JJ’s arms, thinking of him only widened your toothy smile.

“Someone had a good day!” your uncle said spiritedly, looking up from his book as you walked into the kitchen. 

“Yeah I really did, best one in a long time.” you continued to smile from ear to ear as you poured yourself a glass of water. 

“I am so glad to hear that sweetheart,” he grabbed your hand from across the island. 

In that moment you decided to tell him about the Pogues, you finally felt like yourself again, you didn’t want to hide the people who made this new life a little less crazy and a whole lot more like home. “I actually found some of my old friends today!” 

“Oh really honey that’s wonderful, do I get to meet them?” your uncle closed his book now and dedicated his full attention to you. 

“Yeah, I actually invited them to midsummers. I hope that’s okay?”

“Of course it is, midsummers is going to be your coming out party, it only makes sense for your friends to be there.” “Oh and that reminds me, Rose called your aunt today, she wanted to know if you had your dress yet because she's going to the store this weekend to get ties and stuff for the boys.” 

“Oh um… yeah I don’t have my dress yet, I was going to go shopping with Sarah and our friend Kie tomorrow. They're coming over for breakfast.” you scratched your neck as you realized that your aunt, uncle, Ward, and Rose all thought you and Rafe were still together and you were not ready to tell them what had happened. “Do I really have to match Rafe? It is my coming out party after all and I wanna do my own thing, I shouldn’t have to match with anyone.” 

“You’re right, I’ll let your aunt know that Rafe should just get black.” he walked around the island and gave you a hug. “I’m so proud of how independent you are y/n, you’re just like your mother.” 

“I’m just trying to make her and dad proud.” Tears began to flow down your cheeks as well as your uncle’s. He pulled away and wiped your tears away. 

“You’re doing a wonderful job, it's getting late you should probably head up to bed”

You nodded and gave him a small smile as you turned and headed up the stairs. “Goodnight”

“Goodnight.” He put his glasses back on and continued reading his book. 

You reached your bedroom and a wave of exhaustion washed over you. You opened your drawer and grabbed an orange High Cotton Barbecue™ shirt and some grey sleep shorts and went to wash your face and brush your teeth. You returned from your bathroom to see your clothes from last night, staring you in the face. Chills rippled down your spine and an unsettling feeling set in as you stared at them. You put them on the top shelf of your closet and muttered under your breath, “Out of sight, out of mind.” This technique did indeed work because you pulled back your bedspread climbed in and fell asleep. 

~

“Stop.” 

“Please Rafe Stop.” 

“Why are you doing this to me?’”

“Because you deserve it you worthless little bit-”

~

You woke up in a cold sweat, snapping straight up from your nightmare where you relived the events of the other night. In a sleepy haze you turned over, grabbed your phone, and FaceTimed JJ. 

“y/n, what the hell it's three in the morning?” JJ grumbled through the phone his voice was raspy and carried a hint of annoyance. 

“Hey, um a, I’m sorry I don’t know why I called you exactly but I had a nightmare about Rafe.” That was a lie, you knew exactly why you called him, he was the only one who knew exactly what happened and more importantly he was the only one who made you feel safe. “Can you like stay on the phone with me or something? I know it sounds stupid but-” 

He cut you off, “It doesn’t sound stupid y/n. Yeah I’ll stay on the phone, I’m here.” 

“Thank you J.”

“No problemo” He yawned. 

The two of you fell back asleep within a few minutes. 

-

You woke up to your alarm at 8:30, the girls would be over at 10 and you wanted to grab a quick shower and have time to start making breakfast. 

Rolling over to check your phone you were met with a messy head of blonde hair and strong tanned shoulders. You smiled, he had stayed on with you all night. Your heart fluttered at his sweet yet simple act of compassion. Before ending the call you shot him a text:

                                                 Blondie🤙💛 

                                                                Good morning J, thank you for staying

                                                                on with me all night. I’ll see you for the

                                                                surf break, maybe you and the boys 

                                                                should go shopping today too. I’m 

                                                                going to pick a green dress, xoxo.

                                                                             - (your initial)

Smiling you took one last glance at the sleeping boy and ended the call. Stretching you pulled the covers off of you and went over to your closet to select your outfit for the day. You pulled a cut off FRIENDS t-shirt and some ripped jean shorts. Then you grabbed your pink flowery string bikini and brought them into your bathroom before jumping into the shower. 

As the hot water rolled over your skin you couldn’t stop thinking about JJ. You had just spent the whole day with him yesterday and you were going to see him in a few hours yet you missed him. A part of you was scared that something would happen and your life would get turned upside down again. Yesterday had felt too good to be true. You were terrified of the thought of leaving the Pogues again, of leaving him or losing him again. This made you want to hold onto that boy and never let go. 

These thoughts continued to crowd your brain as you stepped out of the shower and got dressed. You pulled your hair into a low bun, threw on some mascara, and headed downstairs to begin making your famous banana pancakes. 

“Something smells good.” Kie said joyously as she and Sarah walked through the door. 

“I’m in the kitchen!” you yelled to them. 

They walked in to see their plates made up at the island. There were three small stacks of banana pancakes lined up on the island with place settings and a glass of orange juice. A bottle of syrup and a dish of powdered sugar was placed in the middle of them, along with napkins and a vase of violets. You were standing at the sink finishing up the dishes.

“Wow! Y/n, you are the absolute sweetest.” Sarah came over and hugged you, Kie followed her and did the same. They then each took a seat and waited for you to finish and join them before starting. 

“Dig in.” You sat down, “They’re my specialty.”

“This is all so nice of you y/n” Kie said as she began cutting into her food.

“It’s really the least I could do after everything you guys helped me through.” 

“You really don’t need to thank us, it's what friends do” Sarah responded.  

“WOW, THIS IS FANTASTIC!” Kie said enthusiastically, her mouth half full with food. She swallowed, “You have to give me this recipe, my parents would love these.” 

“Unfortunately I can’t, it’s a family recipe and my mom was very strict about not sharing our little secrets. But I’d be happy to make some for your parents.” you smiled at Kie. 

“Can I come to that breakfast too?” Sarah asked grinning, “These are the best pancakes I’ve ever had.” 

“Oh come on guys they’re not that good.”

“Yeah they are” Sarah and Kie both said in unison. 

You all giggled. After breakfast they helped you do the dishes and you began to plan for the day. 

“So what colors are you guys thinking?” Sarah asked. 

“I was thinking a darker green, it’s not very summery but-”

“That would look absolutely gorgeous on you!” Sarah squealed. 

“Thank youuu! What about you Kie?” you turned towards Kie and leaned on the island as you finished the dishes. 

“I was leaning toward something peachy.” 

“Ohh yess! Girl, you’re going to look to die for.” You exclaimed and gave Kie a hug. 

“I was thinking floral, I’m not really sure what color yet though.” 

“I know!” you said excitedly, “White with colored roses.I can picture the dress now and damn babes you look drop dead gorgeous.” Sarah giggled and you all headed out to a little boutique near the country club. 

- 

“Should we wake him from the dead?” John B whispered to Pope. They were standing at the foot of JJ’s bed. The blonde was on his stomach with his head turned to the side and the covers pulled up over him so that his eyes were the only thing visible.. 

“If we wanna meet the girls later today we probably should.” Pope answered. 

“Okay, it’s your turn to wake him up.” John B patted Pope on the back. Waking JJ was no one’s favorite thing to do, it was an understatement to say that JJ was not a morning person. 

“No! I woke him up yesterday!” Pope responded. 

“Rock, Paper, Scissors?” John B questioned extending his fist. 

“Rock”

“Paper”

“Scissors”

John B unfolded his hand in the symbol for paper, Pope kept his fist clenched. 

“DAMN IT” Pope shouted in frustration, forgetting JJ was sleeping right in front of him. 

“AHH What happened?? Y/N?” JJ turned over and grabbed his phone. He was slightly saddened at the fact that you had ended the call but that twinge of sadness was replaced by a smile after seeing your text. He replied before even seeing the two boys standing at his feet with confusion spread across their faces. 

“Y/n?” John B broke the silence. 

“Yeah um she had a nightmare last night and called me. I stayed on with her to make sure she was alright.” JJ cleared his throat and blushed. 

“After all these years you’re still in love with her?” Pope blurted out, prompting a smack on the chest from John B. 

“No Pope’s right.” He admitted and paused for a few moments before looking up at them. “I’m still in love with her, it’s always been her.” 

“What are you gonna do about it man?” John B asked as they all moved into the kitchen. 

“Nothing…” JJ stood at the fridge and shrugged solemnly. 

“What? Why?” Pope whined, “I mean it’s you two.” 

“Yeah but that’s just it. It’s us two. I can’t mess anything up. What if I lose her man?” 

John B and Pope stood in silence. 

“What then? Huh? We’ve already had to watch her leave once. Besides, I can’t do anything right now. Not after the whole thing with Rafe, she’s got too much going on right now with that idiot. If I said anything right now, I’d probably freak her out.” He moved to the kitchen table and ran his hands through his hair, he sat with his head in his hands. 

“J, I’ve known Bug literally since we were in the womb.” John B pulled up a chair and sat next to JJ. “I know her better than anyone, I see the way she looks at you. I see the way you look at her. She loves you man, even if she doesn’t know it yet.” 

“She did ask her to be her date to midsummers.” Pope added. 

“It’s not like she had any other choice.” JJ huffed. 

“Even if Kie didn’t offer to be my date before she could ask you, do you really think she would have asked me over you?” Pope questioned taking the other seat next to JJ. 

“I mean..no probably not.” 

“Exactly.” John B said standing up. “So, do you guys wanna go get stuff for Midsummers? Sarah texted me what color dresses the girls all picked.” 

“Yeah I’m game, I just got paid.” Pope responded. 

“Yeah I just have to do something first.” JJ answered an undertone of worry in his voice. 

-

“Guys we look hot” Kie declared as you all looked at yourself in the mirror. 

You were up on a pedestal in an emerald green, lace, mermaid gown that had an open back and a gorgeous beaded belt. This meant your bruises and cuts were exposed but you didn’t care, the dress was too gorgeous to pass up. Kie wore a peach, tool, a-line dress with small tool flowers cascading down the skirt. Sarah wore a blue, pink, and purple strapless floral ball gown. The three of you sat down on some chairs in the boutique and began chatting. 

“So Kie you asked Pope pretty fast huh?” I barely had the words out of my mouth. 

“Yeahh, she blushed. A lot happened last year and we’ve been flirting with the idea of getting together but I don’t know. Honestly, I’m hoping something happens at midsummers.” 

“You guys would be so cute together.” Sarah cooed placing a hand on Kie’s knee. “What about you and JJ? She leaned back in her chair smiling smugly. 

“What about me and JJ?” you asked, trying to keep your face from flushing. 

“Oh come on. It’s obvious you two have a thing for each other.” Kie said. “I have never seen JJ so nervous around a girl before. 

“He’s not nervous around me and we're just close that's all.” You leaned back now too and scratched your head slightly, John B was right, you are an awful liar. 

“He’s totally nervous around you, not to mention protective. And the way he looks at you, oh my god. That’s how every girl ever wants a man to look at her.” Sarah retorted against your attempts to hide your feelings for JJ. 

“Fine. Yeah, I have a huge crush on him. I’ve been in love with him since we were like ten.” you brought your hand to your mouth, that was the first time you had actually admitted out loud that you love him, “But what about Rafe?” 

“What about Rafe?” Kie responded. 

“What if he hurts JJ or something I don’t know.” 

“This isn’t about Rafe y/n.” Sarah leaned forward once again. “What are you afraid of?” 

“Losing him.” you answered almost immediately. “Losing any of you for that matter. I have made a habit of losing everyone I am close to. Losing JJ, or any of you guys would push me past my breaking point.”

“You don’t have to worry about that Hun.” Kie comforted you. 

“We’re not going anywhere.” Sarah added. 

You smiled at them. Changing the subject you said, “So I love this dress. How are we gonna solve this problem?” you stood up and turned around in the mirror, taking a look at your back for the first time. It was awful and you had to fight back tears at the sight. 

“Easy.” Kie said. “You’ve got all this gorgeous hair.” She said pulling your hair out of the low bun you had put it into this morning. “We’ll just style it so it covers your back.” 

“Ohh we can curl it and pin it away from your face.” Sarah clasped her hands together and brought them to her chest, “You’ll look like a freaking model.”

“Thanks guys, I don’t know how I didn’t think of that.” 

-

JJ pulled his bike up to his house. He was relieved to notice that the car was gone. This made his task a simple one but no less dangerous. He gulped. Getting off his bike he strolled up to the house with his head down. Opening the door he was met with the smell of stale beer and grease. Not something he hated separately but together they made him cringe. 

JJ went into his dad's room, he found the small water cooler that his dad kept his extra cash in and took a two hundred dollars from it. He figured that along with some money he had pulled together from his shifts at Hayward’s would cover his clothes and flowers for y/n. Once he had the money he got out of there as quick as he could and went to meet the guys at the store. 

-

“We’re nowhere near fancy enough for this stuff guys.” JJ said, glancing at himself in the mirror. He wore a white button down with a dark grey vest and matching dress pants. Undone around his neck was an emerald green tie. The sea glass bracelet remained around his wrist.

“It’s good to be a kook, at least for a night.” John B said, he wore a navy sport coat and matching pants with a pink button down and white tie. 

“Right.” Pope huffed, “I gotta say tho, I’d take board shorts over this any day.” Pope wore a crisp peach button down with tan dress pants and a floral bow tie. 

“Look at us guys, we're all dressed up to go to a kook party, with arguably the most beautiful girls on the island.” John B commented. 

“Yeah, maybe if the Powerpuff Girls had a taste of Pogue life they wouldn’t be so damn cranky all the time.” JJ sniggered. 

“To midsummers Pope extended his hand for their handshake. 

“To midsummers.” John B and JJ reached out their hands to join Popes and they did their classic handshake followed by a small “woogity woogity.” 

I know this was a little long but I hope you enjoyed. If any of you ever need anything please feel free to message me I am always here:) Thank you for all you do!💕💕

@tangledinsparkles​ @hopelesswritingxd​ @im-a-stranger-thing​ @jenahbell​ @annedub​ @hmspxgue​ @harrysbbby​  @spn-pogues @nxtrogers​ @whoeverineedtobe​ @jjmaybby 

[heyitsn1kk1]

Nameless Pt. 2

Nameless

Part 2: Not a bounty hunter

Synopsis: our nameless assassin and her Mandalorian companion had tracked down their bounty, things don’t go exactly as planned.

*The plan is to finish this series before school starts back up again

*enjoy

—————————————————————

I’ll admit it, this it’s the exactly one of my brightest ideas.

Here I was, caged inside a rickety old ship with a complete stranger who happened to be a Mandalorian armed to the teeth.

Not to mention I couldn’t get a read on him because of that stupid helmet and his perpetual silence(aside form the insane amount of sighing that man did).

It didn’t set well with me how immensely vulnerable I was, nothing was really on my terms anymore. One wrong move and I piss the man off, then I’m royally screwed.

I’m no stranger to dangerous men, hell I make them my business. Yet I’m not conceded enough to not recognize when I’m in way over my head.

A Mandalorian, one of the most feared warriors in the galaxy, that is who yours truly decided to team up with.

Oh fuck I’m such an idiot.

My hand hadn’t left my dagger since I stepped onto the Mando’s ship and I gripped it even tighter now.

Suddenly I heard metallic clanking as my partner clambered down the ladder into the lower level of the ship from the cockpit.

I nearly drew my dagger but forced myself to look as nonchalant as possible.

“We’re here.” That’s the first thing he’s said to me since the cantina.

I hadn’t even noticed we landed, that’s how nervous I was. I needed to get a grip, nervousness on a job just leads to missteps.

The Mandalorian pressed a button located on the hull of the ship that lowered a ramp. He was about to step out before I interrupted him.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

He stopped and slowly turned towards me, titling his head. It almost looked like he was saying “ExCuse mE”. Perhaps he wasn’t that hard to read after all.

“Like I said back at the cantina, you are too noticeable in that gear of yours. You practically scream I’m a bounty hunter. Once word that a Mandalorian is here Krath will hightail it.”

I got off the crate I was sitting on and walked past him.

“Let me do some reconnaissance, I’ll be back before sundown.”

As a sauntered off the ship I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.

Since when was it this hard to play pretend?

—

After asking around I found the resort that our Krath Wilgi was staying at. It was quaint compared to the resorts I’m used to in the inner rim. Less high strung and in your face, meaning it was much easier to snoop around.

I had managed to find a locker room where resort employees changed in and out of their work clothes.

I ‘borrowed’ a set and made my way around the property.

As I perused for the next few hours a plan was formulating in my head as I gathered all the information I needed.

—

“I’ve got a plan!” I say as I walked onto the Mandalorian’s ship.

He was presently cleaning his weapons when he looked up at me. I swear it looked like he was thinking something along the lines of “Is that so?”. I’d imagine it being in a condescending tone.

“His room number is 214, he has 20 personal guards which in my opinion is a waste of good money. Who needs 20 people following you around? Oh also there’s a bar on the lower level he is at right now. My guess is that he’s only there for a meal so let’s hurry up!”

I made for my bag and started pulling out different outfits, trying to find one that best suit the occasion.

“It’d be suicide to try and break into his room. What I’m going to try and do is get him alone. I’m assuming that fancy rifle of yours has infrared abilities correct?”

“Yes.”

Really the man does not say much.

“I need you then to get someplace high and monitor what is going on. We both need com links so you are able to tell me the location of all the hired guns for when I start moving the target.”

The red dress is too flashy...

“There’s an alley I’m going to lure Krath into. By that time the guards might be catching onto what is going on so I’m going to need to you snipe them if they get too close.”

I filled the Mandalorian on the specifics as I searched and finally found the outfit I was looking for.

It was an elegant but simple dress, one that alluded to money but not necessarily power. It was perfect for the occasion.

“Any questions?” I finally say sorta winded.

“...how many times have you’ve done something like this?”

“I thought my throughly thought out plan would speak for my experience itself.” I softly chuckled.

“But if you must know its more times than I can count.” I gave him a warm, hopefully trustworthy, smile

He just reached into a pocket a handed me the com link I asked for before.

“Thanks... now if you don’t mind I’m going to close the ramp and ask you to go back to the cockpit so I can change.”

I swear I’ve never seen someone climb up a ladder so quickly. I nearly laughed out loud. There’s something comedic about a big fearless Mandalorian shying away from a women getting changed.

My mind began to wander but I quickly reeled it in, now was not the time to speculate things about my partner. I had a job to do.

—

It took longer than expected but I finally piqued the undivided interest of the young nobleman. He really was a shy one.

As expected he was immediately intimidated by any sort of forwardness. So I opted for a persona that was primarily sweetness and cuteness over something sultry and seductive.

Luckily for me this whole cutesy act also convinced most of the guards around him that I was no threat, in fact they probably thought I was an airhead to be quite frank.

“Any day now.” Mando said over the com.

Shut the fuck up and let me do my job was what I wanted to say but for the sake of not getting on my intimidating partners bad side I opted instead for a softly whispered “I’m working on it”.

I’m quite the conversationalist, my entire career depended on it. So in no time I had the nobleman’s son waving off his guards as I led him upstairs to my ‘room’.

Unfortunately for him my room was a dusty back alley where I pressed a concealed blaster between his shoulder blades.

“Make this easy for me will you and keep quiet and walk forward.”

“B-but I thought—“

“You thought wrong now walk.”

I nudged him with the blaster and he moved forward.

“Okay Mando what’s the clearest path?”

“Incoming, you’ve got two guards on your tail.”

Shit.

“Okay don’t shoot just yet you’ll alert the rest of them.”

Mando was about to say something else but was cut off by shouting.

“Hey unhand him!”

Just my luck.

“Take one step forward and your client gets his heart blown out of his chest!” I snarled spinning around yanking the Mon Calamari in front of me.

“Listen to her!!!” He hoarsely cried out.

For a few breathless seconds we stood there staring each other down.

“A little help” I softly whispered into the com.

“I’m working on it.” I heard a grunt over the com over the sound of blaster fire.

Shit shit shit.

Suddenly there was rustling near one of the hired guns.

Something poked its head out from behind a trash can... a kid?

One of the hired guns noticed as well and I saw a spark light up in their eyes.

They wouldn’t dare.

Quicker then the kid could react the man snatched the him up pressing a blaster against the child’s temple.

“Let the Mon Calamari go or the kid gets it.”

“You wouldn’t—“

“I’m fucking serious bitch!”

The kid let out a cry of pain as the man shoved the blaster even harder against his skull.

“Okay okay! I’ll let him go.”

I was a lot of bad things, but I wasn’t the kind of bad that let an innocent child get killed.

“Drop your blaster too!” He spat.

I lowered my blaster and dropped it to the ground, kicking it away from me.

Krath made a mad dash and as soon as he left my side the hired gun turned his blaster on me and fired.

I anticipated the action and dove behind a broken crate. Yet despite my invasive action I still felt a sharp pain over the top of my hip as a blaster bolt grazed past.

Backup had come for the hired guns and they were shooting from all sides.

All I could do was huddle up behind the meager cover I had and pray that today wasn’t the day.

Then all the sudden the blaster fire was redirected, I risked a glance over the crate and saw mercenary after mercenary disintegrated before my eyes.

Now was my chance.

I leapt for my blaster and dashed after Krath who had a small posey surrounding him as they ran presumably to their escape craft.

I exchanged multiple shots, I even managed to take one of the guards down. But in the end they had a head start and easily made it to their ship in time.

I let out a frustrated cry as I shot multiple times at the ship, blaster bolts ricocheting everywhere.

“Fuck!” I screamed as the ship roared skywards.

Apparently I was causing quite the commotion as everyone in the entire shipyard was staring at me.

“The fuck are you looking at!” I glowered at those around me who swiftly resumed what they were doing.

Then the thought suddenly occurred to me.

My partner was back in the alley dealing with the rest of the hired guns.

I sure hope he isn’t dead I thought as I sprinted back to the alley.

As I rounded the the corner all I saw was sheer carnage. The alley was littered with bodies and ragged clothes(presumably the remains of the disintegrated). I was half expecting to find the Mandalorian among them when I head a voice behind him.

“I’m guessing he got away.”

I spun around pointing my blaster in the direction of the voice.

“Whoa whoa! It’s me!” The Mandalorian said with his hands up, a slight tone of panic in his modulated voice.

“Oh sorry.” I say as I lowered my blaster.

He did all this?

All the sudden my fear of the Mandalorian increased.

“And as much as it pains me to say it... yes he got away.”

I couldn’t meet his gaze and I mentally prepared myself for some sort of barrage of insults, maybe even death, but none came.

“You’re bleeding.” That smooth rich voice said.

In another circumstance, where I wasn’t completely humiliated, it would have been nice to hear that soothing voice concerned in a round about way.

I looked down at my hip and sure enough the fabric there was soaked with blood.

I signed deeply, I really did not need another scar.

“Let’s head back to the ship, you can patch yourself up there while I track where the bounty is going.”

He walked past me, not checking to see if I followed.

I stood there for a few moments collecting myself, it seems like bad luck is following me.

On the way back to the ship the Mandalorian surprised me with a question, or in this case it was really more of a statement.

“You’re not a bounty hunter are you.”

My heart skipped a beat.

I could flat out deny it, I’m a very good lier. I could say nothing... or I could come clean.

I was surprised by my own decision.

“No. I’m not.”

A heavy sigh was the response I got.

I suddenly felt the urge to justify myself.

“I’m an assassin, close enough to a bounty hunter...”

“But not the same thing” we both said at once.

I looked up at him but he was just staring straight ahead.

“Killing is easy enough, I never imagined keeping a bounty alive would be hard.” I admitted.

“Next time I’m wrangling the bounty.” He said and I could of sworn there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

For some reason I was determined to prove that won’t be necessary.

[shyguythemasquerage]

Ikoria Companions and Commander

I know this is not my usual content but I need to rant about this somewhere or I will explode. If you don’t care about MtG then feel free to ignore.

TLDR: Salty Commander player rants about the new Companion mechanic.

Ikoria, Lair of Behemoths, the latest set of Magic: The Gathering has been fully revealed and a new mechanic in this set is Companion. To summarize, these ten new Legendary Creatures can be played in your deck as normal, but if you build your deck in a specific way, you can have these cards be your Companion, which is a card that is outside of your main deck that you can play at any time. Since these cards were made with Standard in mind, that means these function as your 61st card provided you built your deck to meet the requirements of the Companion ability. Wizards of the Coast (the creators of MtG) have stated they did this to allow Standard players the option of playing similar to how Commander plays, since Commander is now one of, if not THE most popular format right now. They even stated that these companion abilities will be legal in Commander, and Companions will function as your 101st card AND sort of a second Commander.

And this is where the problem starts. Companion was made with Standard in mind, not Commander. And while these Companion restrictions are fine in Standard, in Commander, they are not created equal.

And that is what I am doing today. I am looking at each of these Legendary Creatures and judging them solely on their viability as Companions. I will be doing this by seeing how many current Commander decks they could be the Companion of and ranking them into a tier list.

A Tier:

The Companion restrictions of Umori and Keruga bring about some interesting deckbuilding challenges, but does very little to effect what Commanders they can be Companions for. All Commanders that have black and green in their color identity can have Umori as their Companion (even Lord Windgrace if you name Planeswalkers) for a total of 98 legal Commanders and 42 pairings of the C16 Partner Commanders.

Keruga has less total legal Commanders, but that has more to do with there being less Commanders with both green and blue in their color identity. In fact there is currently only one green/blue commander with less than 3 CMC and that is the Partner Commander Thrasios. This gives Keruga a total of 87 legal Commanders and 28 legal C16 Partner pairings.

B Tier:

The restrictions made by Obosh and Gyruda force you to build a deck with only odd CMC cards or even CMC cards respectively. As expected, this cuts the number of legal Commanders quite a bit. Obosh comes out ahead with a total of 60 legal Commanders and 16 C16 Partner pairings, while Gyruda only has 53 legal Commanders and no C16 Partner pairings.

C Tier:

It’s at this point where the Companion restrictions are not just heavily limiting deckbuilding, but also the number of legal Commanders. Zirda only has access to a total of 30, Jegantha with only 23, and Kaheera with only 14.

We also see how because of the differences between Standard and Commander, the Companions like Jegantha are heavily effected. While all of the other Companions only had two colors in their identity, and were legal in any deck that had those colors, because of Jegantha’s tap ability, it has all five colors in it’s color identity. This isn’t a problem in Standard, but in Commander,  this means that Jegantha is only usable in five color decks, whether or not it is used as a companion.

D Tier:

Because the Companion restriction of Lurrus makes it only able to have permanents of CMC 2 or less, this means that there are only 2 legal Commanders for it (Karlov of the Ghost Council, and Ayli, Eternal Pilgrim). It actually upsets me that Lurrus only allows for 2 CMC permanents, but it has a CMC of 3. I suppose if its mana cost was reduced to only 2 or its ability allowed for 3 CMC permanents it would be too powerful for standard, but that is why designing the Companion ability for standard and allowing it for Commander was not a good idea. And we see that taken to the two logical extremes with the last two Companions.

F Tier:

This is it. This is the WORST companion ability for Commander. Yorion has ZERO legal Commanders, but it has nothing to do with the Commanders themselves, but instead with Commander as a format in general. While Standard has a minimum deck size of 60 but could theoretically have as many cards as you want, Commander must have EXACTLY 100 cards in the deck, with one of them (or two in the case of Partners) being your Commander.

All the other Companions we’ve seen so far could always get more legal Commanders in the future. But, given the restrictions of the format, it is, and forever will be IMPOSSIBLE to have Yorion as your Companion. But at the very least, you can have Yorion in the 99 or even build around it as your Commander. The next Companion isn’t so lucky.

S Tier BANNED:

While the Commander format works against Yorion in a cruel way, the format works WITH Lutri in an even more cruel way. Lutri’s restriction makes it so all nonland cards in your deck must have different names. In Standard, that provides an interesting deckbuilding challenge, as to make your deck more consistent, you usually want multiples of your best cards. Commander however is a singleton format, meaning every card in your deck, barring basic lands and a few other exceptions, MUST be different. In the Commander format, Lutri’s restriction doesn’t restrict anything.

If Lutri was allowed to be your Companion, it would be an auto-include for every deck that had both blue and red. Of the 32 possible color combinations you can have, 8 of those would have the advantage of getting a free Companion without having to change anything about the deck. I mentioned earlier that Umori and Keruga had access to nearly all of the Commanders that could run their colors, but they at least still had to build the deck with the Companion restrictions in mind. Lutri has no such handicap. As a result, the Commander Rules Committee has universally agreed to ban Lutri. But because the RC doesn’t like complicated bans, they decided to ban Lutri entirely. It cannot be your Companion. It cannot be your Commander. It cannot be in the 99. It cannot be used at all.

And the worst part about all of this? Lutri was one of the FIRST Companions that were revealed. Lutri’s ban was made about a week ago, while the final Companion (Yorion) was spoiled today. If all the companions were revealed at the same time, would the Rules Committee have even allowed Companion to be used at all, knowing how incredibly imbalanced this mechanic is?

If it wasn’t clear by this point, I am a Commander player, not a Standard player. And while I love the new Ikoria set as a whole, the Companion mechanic, which I was initially cautiously optimistic about, has left a bad taste in my mouth. I get it, this is a Standard set, not a Commander product. Hell, alongside Ikoria, WotC is releasing this years Commander product early! And it’s Ikoria themed!

WHY AM I SO SALTY?!

Well, it is because I feel the Companion mechanic is a broken promise from WotC. They told the Commander players not to worry, that Companion would be fine in our format. They then proceeded to reveal the most viable Companions first along side one that was insta-banned as soon as it was revealed. Then they trickled out the remaining not as viable Companions and capped it off with the one that can never be a Companion in our format.

In my opinion, the Companion mechanic should be banned in Commander all together. But the Companions themselves should all be allowed as Commanders or usable in the 99. None of them are broken in that regard, and they are all fun to build around as Commanders. But I feel that this isn’t going to happen, as none of them are broken as Companions either. And even though I made this list with the intent of showing how many legal Commanders work with each Companion, that actually isn’t a good method of determining how good any of the Companions are! The C and D Tier Companions don’t have that many legal Commanders compared to the A and B Tier ones, but the ones that ARE legal for the lower Tiers synergize far better than most of the legal ones for the higher Tiers.

And then there are poor Yorion and Lutri. One unable to be a Companion in Commander, and one banned from the format entirely. And so long as the Companion mechanic is legal in Commander, neither of them will ever Companion anything in our format.

END RANT.

[rosedavid]

83 on the ways to say ily

sure! thank you for the request! :)

83. “Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

Also they are aged up to high school in this one, but still tw for underage drinking and also death

…

The harsh blue light from Cyrus’s phone combined with the incessant vibrating is enough to rouse him from sleep in the middle of the night. At first, he tries to ignore it, weariness urging him back to sleep; however, as the vibrating continues, he’s unable to ignore it any longer. Rubbing his eyes, Cyrus reaches clumsily for his phone. He squints at the brightness of the screen, just able to make out the blurry contact name. 

It’s TJ. TJ is calling him at nearly 2 AM, not to mention he’s obviously called more than once. Any sleepiness present before has now rapidly left, replaced with such excessive amounts of worrying that Cyrus didn’t even know he had the energy for. He answers with no hesitation. The first thing he hears on the other line is harsh breathing amongst what sounds like EDM playing in the distance. 

“Teej?” Cyrus prompts. “Are you okay?”

Another heavy breath, this time coupled with a sniffle. “Think I messed up, Cy.”

Immediately, Cyrus is on his feet, phone clutched expertly between his shoulder and ear. He starts getting dressed in the first thing he can find, stumbling about his room in a panic while also trying to get more information out of TJ. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what happened,” Cyrus soothes. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard TJ this distraught before. 

It takes a few more sniffles and beats of music before TJ finally speaks again. “I-I didn’t mean, I swear…I jus’, I was so upset, didn’t know what else…”

An overwhelming sense of dread washes over Cyrus. The jumbled, slurred words, over emotionality, pulsing music in the background…TJ must be at a party, and it sounds like he’s drunk. Cyrus wracks his brain, trying to think of if he heard of any parties happening tonight. Suddenly, he remembers one of the more popular people talking before his chemistry class about some party happening at someone’s house…Brendon? Blake? 

“TJ, where are you?” Cyrus asks, hoping he’s at least aware enough to answer that question. 

“I swear I didn’ mean to,” he blubbers. 

“I know you didn’t,” Cyrus shushes, “but I really need to know where you are.”

“…B-br…Brad’s house.”

Brad. Brad from the basketball team. Buffy has his address because they had to do a group project once. He remembers because she never stopped complaining about it. 

“Stay there. I’m coming to get you,” Cyrus instructs, firm yet gentle. 

“Thanks, under...underdog.”

Underdog. Cyrus hasn’t heard that nickname in quite a while, and it brings back all sorts of memories. He’s not sure why TJ stopped calling him that. Maybe it’s because it felt childlike to him, and after they started dating it seemed obscure. Cyrus never really thought about it until now, but hearing it again makes him miss it. It also makes him even more anxious to get to TJ. 

After hanging up with TJ, Cyrus texts Buffy as fast as possible, hoping that her screwed up sleeping times won’t fail him now. Luckily, she responds almost immediately with an address and a message that says, “take care of him.”

Cyrus yanks on a pair of shoes while simultaneously trying to type in the address to google maps. After finding it, he makes his way downstairs in a hurry, not even bothering to try and be quiet. Of course, this alerts his mother, who leaves her room just as Cyrus is grabbing the keys to his car. 

“Cyrus, honey? Where do you think you’re going so late?” she belittles. 

“I-I have to go, mom, please,” he begs. “TJ…he’s in trouble, I think, and I’m really worried about him.”

His mother’s eyes soften. She’s always liked TJ, and she knows just how close the two of them are. She cares about him as if he’s one of her own. Finally, she sighs, rubbing her temples with worry. 

“Please be careful, Cyrus. If you’re not back in half an hour…” she trails off in warning. 

“I will be! We’ll come straight back,” he assures her, because of course he would never leave TJ alone, not in this state.

“Okay then.”

Cyrus thinks that it’s the end of the conversation, but before he can leave, his mother adds, “Keep him safe, Cyrus.”

“I will.”

…

Ten minutes later, Cyrus is at the source of the raging party. The house looks like a complete disaster, even from the outside. Litter is everywhere, mostly plastic cups and food. There’s people passed out on the lawn, and others chatting wildly. Inside, music and lights pulse vibrantly. It’s so loud that Cyrus can here it from inside his car across the street. He can see the shadows of the people partying inside. He gulps, preparing himself to face it, as TJ doesn’t appear to be outside. 

The party is even worse indoors. There are so many people crammed into such a tiny, little space. As Cyrus walks through the crowd, people constantly bump into him, not paying any mind as they dance and shout, drinks sloshing in their hands. Cyrus swallows back his anxiety and focuses on finding TJ. He doesn’t see anyone he recognizes, so there’s no way he could ask someone if they’ve seen him. But then he gets lucky. 

“–yeah, he’s been in there forever, sounds real upset, too,” someone says in the crowd. 

“Is he drunk?” the other person replies. 

“Think so, yeah. Never seen him like that on the team before–”

Cyrus assumes it has to be TJ. He doesn’t wait to hear anymore information before he buts into the conversation. “Excuse me, are you talking about TJ Kippen?”

The two boys who were talking glare at him, obviously not too pleased about being eavesdropped on. Still, the first one decides to answer him. “Yeah, he’s been in the bathroom upstairs for a while. Locked himself in.”

Cyrus abruptly leaves, ignoring the shouts at his back. He hurries up the stairs, weaving around everyone as quickly as he can. Finally, he arrives upstairs, and immediately hears TJ’s voice mumbling to himself. He knocks on the door loudly. 

“TJ! It’s Cyrus, open up,” he calls out. 

“Cy?” TJ says in confusion. It takes a few seconds for him to stand to unlock and open the door, but those few seconds didn’t nearly prepare Cyrus enough. 

TJ looked horrible. Bags sit under his red rimmed eyes, hand shaking. An empty cup sits on the counter, but Cyrus assumes based on his state that he’s hand more. His hair is mused, probably from continuously running his hands through it as he often does when he’s nervous. 

“Y-You came,” he whispers, practically falling into his arms with relief. Cyrus squeezes him back tightly, overwhelmed with relief that TJ’s ok…at least, okay enough.

“Of course I came,” Cyrus whispers into his ear. “But we got to get you out of here.”

“No…can’t…can’t go home,” he stutters, “My parents…”

“Don’t worry, I’m taking you back to mine.”

With that, TJ finally agrees with a nod. Cyrus leads him down the stairs, holding his hand the whole way to help him maneuver his way through without falling flat on his face. He ignores the stares, making his way straight out the front door with TJ in tow. Although TJ seems aware of what’s going on, he also seems to remain in a sort of daze. Cyrus wonders what could have possibly made him do something so brash like this. Although he knows TJ can be impulsive sometimes, Cyrus would never have expected him to do this. 

They make it back to Cyrus’s car in one piece. TJ attempts to do the buckle himself, but his hands shake too much. Cyrus ends up buckling him in. As they start driving, TJ is much quieter than he was before. Maybe it’s the affects of the alcohol wearing off, but he still seems quieter than usual. 

“What happened, TJ?” Cyrus asks, unable to hold it back any longer. “Why…why would you drink?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“There has to be a reason, TJ,” he replies. “I just want to help you.”

TJ snaps, “You can’t help!” Suddenly, he softens. The hum of the car separates his words. “You can’t bring her back.”

His words register to Cyrus all at once. He remembers how TJ had been feeling a bit down because he couldn’t visit his grandmother this weekend, but he had no idea why he was so upset about it. She must have been sick. She must have died. The woman that TJ was so close to.

“Oh, Teej,” Cyrus whispers. They feel so far apart suddenly, even though they’re just separated by the station between the car seats. Cyrus reaches his hand over until he find’s TJ’s fingers to intertwine with his own. “I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” he whispers, sniffling again. “I-I didn’t mean to…”

“I know. I know how hard it is,” Cyrus winces, “but you know that alcohol wasn’t the right option.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Are you mad at me?”

Cyrus bites his lip. He doesn’t know how to feel. He’s upset that TJ’s upset, but he’s also upset that TJ resorted to something so drastic instead of talking with someone. But, he understands how deep the ache in TJ must be right now. He understands perfectly well how it feels like that ache will never go away. Maybe TJ was being stupid, but he can’t stay mad at him. 

“No, TJ. I wish you wouldn’t have done this, but you called me, and that’s all that matters.”

“I’m sorry.”

TJ seems to be apologizing a lot. It’s strange to hear those words coming from his mouth so often, especially considering their first encounter at the swing. Cyrus remembers how he never really could apologize, and he even struggled with it later. Now, though, it seems like it’s all he can do. Cyrus wonders how long he’s been bottling all of this up for. 

By the time they arrive home, Cyrus’s mother is of course still awake. She sits on the sofa, appearing to be reading a book but Cyrus knows she probably is just staring at it. When he comes in the door with TJ, an audible sigh of relief escapes her lips. 

“Hi honey,” she says to TJ, obviously aware right away about what’s going on. “You’re welcome to stay here tonight, okay? I set up the mattress in Cyrus’s room.”

“T-thank you,” he whispers. “I…I didn’t…”

“I know, TJ. Just get some sleep.”

Sure enough, an air mattress is already set up in Cyrus’s room. He helps TJ onto it, although TJ seems to already be feeling a bit more aware. There’s a cup of water on his nightstand, and he hands the glass to TJ who drinks it slowly. 

“You need to get some rest,” Cyrus repeats from what his mother said.

“Yeah,” TJ agrees softly. “I just…you don’t hate me now, do you Cy?”

“I could never hate you even if I tried, Teej. We’ll talk more in the morning, ok?”

Before Cyrus can make a move to leave, TJ clutches his wrist. “Stay until I fall asleep? Please?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Cyrus settles onto the floor, hand reaching up to run through TJ’s locks. His eyes flutter shut, and he curls in on himself. It only takes a few minutes before he’s fast asleep. 

Cyrus sighs, reaching down to take off his shoes carefully without waking him. He then pulls the covers up higher on TJ and makes sure his head is elevated before heading back downstairs to explain to his mom what happened. Before he leaves the room, though, he takes one last look at his boyfriend sleeping peacefully, taking in the fact that he’s safe. 

[almaasi]

yoooooooooo, I’m in need of a beta (or betas) for my Garak/Bashir fics since all my usual proofreaders are busy.

summaries/warnings for 4 completed fics are listed under the cut. total word count is 111k+. all are rated ‘explicit’ except for one ‘mature’.

my previous fics are here if you want to know how I write.

preferably I’m looking for someone who can beta all of them, and more fics that come after this, but anyone who can do a one-off is cool too. I definitely want someone who’s good at suggesting things in the name of intersectional feminism and reader sensitivity! or just questioning things and commenting in general. catching typos or confusing sentences would be a huge bonus but that’s not my priority~

please share this with people you think might be interested!!!

--

fics listed longest first, not necessarily the ideal posting order. some of these have been lightly or partially beta’d already.

--

1. The Wolf Who Cried Doctor

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir, Julian Bashir & Ezri Dax

55k, Explicit

Garak is certain: any day now, Julian will discover that the most frequent visitor to DS9’s Infirmary has been going out of his way to fake, cause, and invite harm unto himself in order to gain his dear doctor’s attention. Garak cheerfully tells his lies with just enough variation to remain interesting, but remains afraid that one day Julian won’t believe him when there’s really something wrong.

But Julian is already aware there’s a problem. And the best treatment for an acute case of touch-starved loneliness, he believes, is to provide Garak with as much physical affection and emotional care as possible. It’s not like Julian couldn’t do with some company himself, given how his relationship with Ezri has been fraying.

But neither Julian nor Garak envisioned what could come of it all. Neither of them ever prepared for bliss.

(A post-canon fic where Garak comes back to DS9 and feelings happen.)

Tags: non-endgame pairing:, Julian Bashir/Ezri Dax, side pairings: Ezri Dax/Kira Nerys, Kira Nerys/Keiko O'Brien/Miles O'Brien, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Angst, Self-Harm, Depression, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, (Julian and Garak), Lovers to Friends, (Julian and Ezri), Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Massage, Holding Hands, First Kiss, Touch-Starved Elim Garak, Lonely Elim Garak, Jealous Elim Garak, Garak is the quadrant’s most melodramatic drama queen, Lonely Julian Bashir, Bisexual Julian Bashir, Julian’s Foot Fetish, Ezri Ships It, Supportive Ezri Dax, Matchmaker Ezri Dax, Love Triangle, except it’s a tangle of lines, Polyamory, Communication is Hard but Vital, Replicator Malfunctions, Space Station Antics, First Time, Bottom Julian Bashir, Top Elim Garak

Warnings: Garak self-harms (nothing gory or graphic - just hot tea + gravity, improper handling of sewing tools, baiting others to use brute force, purposefully ingesting questionable foodstuffs; scars from past cutting) - but for most of the story he doesn’t think his actions are troublesome, merely viewing self-harm as a means to an end to acquire the physical comfort and emotional attention that he craves from Julian. (Disclaimer: I’m aware this is not the only reason real people might self-harm, but it’s Garak’s reason.)

Unspecific suicidal ideation (Julian tells Garak off and Garak’s like “welp! guess I’ll die now”). Both Garak and Julian are wildly depressed and lonely - and I swear that Ezri, the O’Briens, and I are trying our darnedest to rescue them, but they both have a tendency to spiral into a vortex of doom without talking to anyone about it, so it’s not the easiest thing to do. >:|

Foot fetish is mild but... y’know, present. (Oh, Julian.)

Regarding polyamory/love triangle tags (spoilers ahead!): Julian loves Ezri A LOT but doesn’t realise it’s in a platonic friendship way, and privately ties himself in knots over not being sexually or romantically attracted to her anymore (if he ever was to begin with). Much panicking about unintentional cheating happens, because he’s accidentally in love with Garak while dating Ezri - except (more spoilers) Ezri is trying to set him up with Garak anyway. Ezri is totally poly and way more chill than 99% of people would be in her position. Past Kira/Keiko/Miles.

Special note I mentioned to current betas: you should probably know that i feel some sort of divided way about how ezri is SO accepting of julian's disaster sexuality, because a) i've never once seen any character react like that, ever, in anything fictional or real (potentially bc of lack of bi and poly rep), and b) her reactions are based on how i would react in her place??? (note that i'm aro, ace, and bi, (well that's simplified) so if i was in a relationship with julian it would definitely be platonic but me being madly attracted to him despite that) so it's like... really personal but also i'm worried nobody would relate and would say i made her a pushover. so any pointers you have there would be lovely <3

--

2. Runabout Rollabout

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

23.5k, Explicit

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Keiko O’Brien, Kasidy Yates, Kira Nerys, Ezri Dax (mentioned)

Eight months after the war ends, Julian invites Garak on a pollen-harvesting trip to Bajor. Distracted by the delight of seeing his friend after so long, Garak gets himself blasted with hormone-altering pollen, and is forced to ride out the repercussions on the runabout journey back to DS9. Symptoms include mood swings, unusual food cravings, and an urgent need for emotional assurance and physical contact. Julian is glad to offer relief, in whatever manner Garak requires. Even in the most intimate of ways...

Secretly, they both hope their brief affair in the runabout’s bottom bunk will lead to something more. But how could it, when duty forever trumps desire?

Tags: Post-Canon, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Porn With Plot, Mutual Pining, Sex Pollen, Mood Swings, Hormones, Cuddling & Snuggling, Public Display of Affection, Smut, Explicit Consent, First Kiss, Caring Julian Bashir, Hormonal Elim Garak, Horny Elim Garak, First Time, Anal Sex, Top Elim Garak, Bottom Julian Bashir, but they do switch briefly, Post-Canon Bajor, Post-Canon Cardassia, Illustrated

Notes: FYI, Julian and Ezri are no longer a couple. How that happened is discussed late in the fic, but Garak thinks they’re still dating when he and Julian sleep together for medical reasons. (Julian is NOT cheating, but Garak guiltily believes he is.)

This one’s probably an easy edit tbh. But I’m still questioning that ^ Garak-thinks-Julian-seeing-Ezri thing, so anyone who can tell me if it feels right, if I need to edit it, or if I should take it out, would be great.

--

3. Tail Over Heels

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Amsha Bashir, Benjamin Sisko, Ezri Dax, Miles O’Brien, Kira Nerys, and everyone else

19.9k, Mature

Despite every attempt to deter her, Julian’s mother is coming to DS9. Here’s the problem: Julian told her he was married, and he’s not. Here’s the solution: Garak stands in as Julian’s husband. She’s meant to hate him. But Garak is just too damn likable - and a liiiittle too convincing in the role of Julian’s lover. Not only does his mother believe the lie, but so does everyone else on the station. Even Julian himself is starting to wonder...

Tags: Romance, Fluff, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mistaken For A Couple, Moving In Together, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Holding Hands, Eavesdropping, Bickering, Cardassian Flirting, First Kiss, First Time, Garak has a tail, Slightly Alternate Canon, set mid season 7, or an alternate post-canon where nobody leaves

Note: This one’s the oldest and closest to being publishable, and already illustrated and lightly beta’d, so this will likely post first, before the end of March 2020. But it definitely needs another going-over.

--

4. Code for Consent

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

13k, Explicit

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Miles O’Brien, Keiko O’Brien

With Miles away, Julian needs someone else to play the evil villain in his secret agent holosuite program. Garak steps up. But tying Julian to a bedpost and fake-torturing him turns out to be an accidental turn-on for both of them. Julian doesn’t want to break character, so allows Garak to escalate his erotic domination towards the point of no return - yet Garak won’t go any further with their roleplay without clear consent. Now Julian has to figure out a way to show Garak he wants him without saying it outright. (But then again, maybe saying it matters.)

Tags: Smut, Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Holodecks/Holosuites, Roleplay, Cardassian Flirting, Accidental Stimulation, Light Bondage, Choking, Light Knifeplay, Consensual Non-Consent, Rape Roleplay, (foreplay only) - soon followed by:, Explicit Consent, Holding Hands, Making Love, Schmoop, Top Elim Garak, Bottom Julian Bashir, set late season 6

Note: Nobody’s read this yet so idk how it comes across to other people, which worries me. Something about it doesn’t sit right with me but I can’t figure it out and need help with that :/

--

If you’re interested in helping, please submit me a tumblr message at https://almaasi.tumblr.com/submit with your name, pronouns, a statement of your interest and email address (gmail preferred) so I can add you to google docs if I pick you c:

(also maybe a timeframe of when you’d be able to beta. starting any time in the next couple of weeks is fine.)

(disclaimer to people with anxiety: I welcome anyone <3 if you want to say hi, PLEASE DO. I reserve the right not to pick you for any number of secret reasons, and I might not reply quickly, or at all, because I have chronic fatigue and messages are A Lot for me, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or you did something wrong!! promise.)