#but in the words of bojack horseman ‘’there’s always a day after the bad* ending’’

[thebendsbyradiohead]

i get why people are a bit iffed with the season finale & i agree that the pacing was off, imo the armand conflict scene should’ve been waaay longer & more complex (i acc think the annotated screenplay was an easy way out? idk it was just too straightforward proof & not enough friction) maybe even forgo the twist with daniel and show how armand breaks his one boundary to spite louis

but also i think it was a good set up for the rest of the series. at the end of the day the family horror was contained to the story of nola & claudia & now that that’s wrapped up they have to go back to the present & the present is a bit more camp than horror which it’s not like we didn’t know from the books 🤷‍♀️

re: loustat as well, i found that final scene between them heartbreaking & i loved how it centered on two parents mourning a child, how in the end it was all about claudia. & i don’t think lestat has done nearly enough to repent but i have a feeling they’ll flesh that out more next season (perhaps even have claudia haunt him) so i’m happy with it!

[pepperyduck]

west end girls - hiromi higuruma

synopsis: after you filed for divorce, hiromi's been acting strange. he's got a problem that only you can fix.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: potentially triggering content, nsfw, angst, guns, reckless actions, unhealthy marriage, unhealthy relationships/attachment/obsession, hiromi is cray, unprotected sex, finishing inside, riding, on a couch, hiromi is a bad husband, very much bojack horseman behaivor, ooc hiromi. (18+ mdni!)

notes: this is me rambling and i'm sorry. i'm floating rn. love u guys. pls read the warnings. mwah. inspired by the song west end girls by petshop boys.

masterlist

although the wind was chilly outside, you buried your nose in your scarf and kept walking down the street towards the firm. it was early morning, birds chirped lightly in the trees, and you found yourself feeling off that day. you didn’t know why.

you didn’t know why, until you passed a certain coffee shop you used to visit often.

inside, pure chaos had erupted, it seemed.

a familiar man to you, and a stranger – or maniac – to the others inside, held a gun. it wasn’t pointed anywhere but to the temple of his head. tables had been knocked down, chairs had been kicked, people had been pushed into the corners of the shop, too scared to move or run away. everyone was frozen in fear, except for him.

“hiromi.”

your voice was cold as ice as you called his name from the front doors. hiromi’s back was facing you, allowing for a perfect silhouette of a man gone mad, with a barrel of a gun kissing his head. but at the sound of your voice – oh, he could go on about how much he loved your voice – the gun was dropped, and he slowly turned around.

stunts like that weren’t out of the ordinary for hiromi since the two of you had split. not divorced yet, just separated – at least, that’s what he told everyone. in reality, the date to finalize the split was creeping up. the closer it got, the more manic hiromi had turned, going from soaking in his bathtub with his suit on, to buying a gun, to now threatening to use that gun on himself in the place you first met. it seems like a wild pipeline, but really, there’s too many incidents to be listed here.

there were a lot of things that made hiromi higuruma go crazy, and unfortunately, you were one of them.

bystanders in the coffee shop looked at you as if you were the insane one, as you walked over to hiromi and snatched him out of the building, muttering a very bitter apology to everyone in there. as you touched your ex-husband’s arm, the gun consequently fell to the floor, causing the clip to fall out with a clatter.

there were no bullets inside.

yet the police had showed up minutes later, after you and hiromi were far down the sidewalk.

hiromi walked with a slump, hands hidden in the pockets of his blazer, unprepared for the winter weather that was only growing colder. you stepped alongside him, voice muffled by the thick scarf of your favorite color as you berated him. weirdly enough, you had kept your job at hiromi’s firm, even after the initiation for divorce. you had a good standing in it, and hiromi loved you too much to fire you, even if you did want to escape him. maybe one day, you’d be able to move cities, but then, you felt as if you didn’t have many places to go.

the thing is, you always were hiromi’s saving grace. it wasn’t healthy for either of you. he was too attached, using you as his lifeline, always needing your attention rather than the attention of anyone else. you told him countless times to move on, and he still continued to show out, and force you to be his superwoman and come save him.

you still loved him, but he drained you, so, so badly. that’s why you filed for divorce in the first place. however, it always felt like…you’d never be able to fully get away from him. hiromi acted as a lost puppy, briefly following it’s mother whenever it found her.

the city you and hiromi stayed in – separately, by the way; you had an apartment on the opposite side of town from him – was big. you had moved there with him after college when he proposed to you a few days after graduation. you found the city to be enjoyable, there was never a quiet moment in the streets of the most populated portions. boredom was never a problem.

hiromi, however, easily found the city overwhelming. especially when he was by himself. without you.

big lights, unfamiliar faces on billboards, whispering voices. car horns were blared, and breaks squealed every other second. sounds, so many sounds, and visuals. it was all too much for hiromi. all too much.

too much.

too. much.

maybe it was you, or the liquor. possibly it was the case he had lost earlier that day, or the phone call he received from an unhappy client, or the front office clerk that threw her badge at him and quit. either way, hiromi was in the middle of the street, drunkenly walking in front of and in between the traffic-jammed cars, flipping random people off who yelled at him. a true, rebellious, and vulgar, display of how much he had gotten away from himself.

he no longer cared about anything else in the world in that moment.

nothing. not himself, or you.

at least, until he saw your frame storming towards him. like a switch in his mind, the instant he saw you, he remembered what life was about. with your pretty heels and pretty dress, a few of your friends he had met before – and that were in your wedding – trailed out of the bar, watching as you forcefully dragged him back to the sidewalk.

“what the hell is your problem, hiromi? what the fuck? you always do this when—are you drunk?” you shot questions left and right at him, and all hiromi could do was look at you with his stupid huge eyes.

he loved you.

on the ride back to his place, and when you told him to calm the fuck down, all he was able to think about was how much he loved you. even if you hated his guts or found him to be nothing but a pest. you truthfully didn’t feel that way, though.

you often pondered about whether you should force hiromi to get help. taking into consideration everything that was on his plate every day, he needed something to make him snap out of it. hiromi was no longer the man you fell in love with. he wasn’t the same hiromi who got flowers, or took you out on dates, or wrote you notes about his love.

hiromi had turned into nothing more than an unrecognizable maniac.

unrecognizable. that would be the only adjective to describe your ex-husband when you opened your apartment door and let him inside. he had kept an indescribable expression constantly for the past months, one of which had immediately faded upon being let into your space. you noticed how he had gotten a haircut, swooped it back into its normally kempt style, and his face was freshly shaved. he had cleaned up nicely at your call.

only a few minutes into the painful conversation you planned, the both of you were crying your eyes out, spewing to one another about concerns and how hiromi felt, the complexity of his emotions and why he acted so strangely.

“i-i just…want you to get better, hiromi. you aren’t…you anymore,” you cried, honesty the only thing leaving your lips. you tightly held onto hiromi’s hand, nearly cutting off the circulation to his thin fingers.

and again, the switch in his brain flipped. a look in his eye appeared, or more like the pain and suffering he had held on to finally disappeared from his gaze, leaving nothing but the pure eyes of the hiromi higuruma you had fallen in love with. he raised his free hand to your cheek, cupping it ever-so-slightly and ran his thumb over the warm, tear-stained flesh.

“i’m okay, my love, i’m here.”

said through teary eyes, hiromi tried his best to comfort you. he wasn’t sure what was up with him, or if he would ever get better any time soon, but all that mattered to him in those moments was you. he pet your hair when you fell over to hug him, crying into his chest at the possibly false assurance. while you cried into him, hiromi looked around your apartment, relishing in the ability to see how you lived again.

against your better judgement, one thing ended up leading to another, as if both of you had been waiting for this opportunity ever since you filed for divorce.

hiromi had his hands on your waist, helping to bounce you up and down slowly and sensually, burying his length into you ‘til you hit the hilt. intimate, passionate, it all felt comparable to your wedding night. one of your hands rested atop his own, swiping over the gold wedding band he still sported.

you looked so beautiful, only wearing an old t-shirt, biting your bottom lip as he always made you do. the thought of a condom or even pulling out was long gone, he was going to stay inside of you until he felt fixed. who knew the solution to all his problems was sex?

moving you just a bit faster, hiromi quickened the pace, bucking his hips up into you to meet your walls sliding back down around his cock. he filled you up so nicely, soft tip of his hitting that sweet spot you couldn’t get anyone else to. your legs burned and shivered, overcome with the feeling of being stretched out so well, so familiar again.

“’hiro, mm-, please,” you absentmindedly begged, asking for something you didn’t know.

“please what, pretty?” hiromi’s voice was as monotone as ever, perfectly controlled although he felt himself getting closer and closer to the line of bursting inside of you.

you slumped your body over hiromi’s, crashing into his chest again, legs going halfway limp as you used all your strength to try to move on your ex-husband’s raging hard cock. hiromi took this opportunity – a familiar one of his past – and snaked his hands to under your thighs that were spread on either side of him. he held you up at a perfect height, and began hammering into you from below, planting his feet in the ground.

your little ouuu’s and whimpers swirled into his ears, making hiromi feel proud as ever, and beckoning him closer to the edge. you didn’t care what happened after that point, you just never wanted the feeling of your ex-husband pounding into you to end.

each grueling stretch felt heavenly, forcing you open in just the right way, faster, faster and faster. even as much of a romantic as the both of you were, hiromi enjoyed setting a brutal pace much more than being slow. every fast, deep stroke your ‘hiro gave you, was felt with intensity you hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever. even as your body went limp against him for good, he kept you help up with whatever strength he could find.

“feels so good, ‘hiro—gonna cum,” you whined, cutely pecking his neck after. he found your little weak kisses so endearing, it was a small detail he looked forward to every time the two of you made love. the pace never faltered, hiromi kept pounding up into you, forcing the bubbles in your lower abdomen to begin to pop.

“it’s okay, pretty, cum for me,” he muttered, always a little embarrassed about dirty talking with you. but nevertheless, his words made you topple over the edge, gushing all around hiromi’s length. he fucked straight through your orgasm, still never slowing down, making you grasp reality at the feeling of being overstimulated.

immediately, you began to whine again, “too much, ‘hiro, ah—uugh.” pitiful tears rolled over your lower eyelids, staining your cheeks for the second time that night. those tears were fully pleasure-written, though.

“gonna cum, my wife,” hiromi grumbled, the last two words leaving his mouth as little less than a whisper. little mind was paid to the fact he had no intention of pulling out, the realization coming to you when you felt ropes of your ex-husband’s cum shoot straight into you.

hiromi relaxed after a few more thrusts, dropping your motionless body back onto him fully. you stayed gripped to him for a few moments, contemplating about the moments before when lust had taken over – but really, you figured it wouldn’t be so bad if all this would become a little accident.

he was – was – your husband, after all.

after a few long minutes, hiromi picked you up, just as he always did, and carried you to your bed. he carefully laid down with you, soaking in the feeling of being warm under the blankets with his wife. he watched your frame as you fell asleep, cuddled into his toned frame, his arm securely around you.

he failed to fall asleep for a while.

and when you rolled over away from him in your sleep, getting comfy in a different position, away from him – he felt off again. hiromi hated that feeling. it was uncomfortable, and just…odd.

hiromi higuruma couldn’t help it that night when he snuck out of your bed, and out of your apartment, to go back home. he left you.

he figured he would wake up later and feel guilty about it, and frantically beg you to accept him again. but then, once more, nothing mattered to hiromi.

he did think about how you’d be when you woke up. will you try to talk to him? will you cut him off for leaving like that? will you act as if it never happened? he saw you as a strong woman, it’d be easy for you to let go of him in an instant, right?

hiromi was probably wrong, but he still ended up by himself at the end of the night. he shivered alone in his bed, dressed in all the clothes he had on earlier that night, thinking. he always thought too much.

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

I watched bojack in 2022 here are my thoughts on the show in honor of the s1 anniversary

BJ/Sarah lynn: Yeah i saw that coming a mile away it didnt gross me out like a lot of othersbut. it sure was weird cause every flashback he saw as what 8 years old? weird. i don't consider it nonconsenual as it felt s5 tried to imply, cause sarah lynn is a fully grown adult but man it was def weird / also through most of it bojack was a complete sucker/.. but man the woodyallenvibesbestrongheresigh

didn't like PB/Diane on rewatches how he goes about throwing a big party after knowing diane hates them when she says YES: Big Red Flag.

am i wrong for thinking that the show doesn't give enough agency to some of the women characters, cause Jessica Biel was just insane im not gonna pin it all on PB for why that relationship soured, katrina i got feel more for but ms cannibal justnahfam. and screw ana/angela too. him going to seek closure from his abuser will always be gross..

I was mad at bojack for 2 days after the penny episode. Bojack Chris hanson wants a word with you.

And yet I still want to hug him whenver I see his sad horsy face.

I didn't like the reporter stitx shrugs.. seeing bojack also get better only for it tocrash down was a bummer to watch..

its intersting how he treats his life as a sitcom tho even up till season 6 the many faces of depression/ escape to LA/ Prickly Muffin/Too much man.. boy tries so hard to life a sitcom life of course its gonna blow up in his face.

Notice how Todd however getts to mostly live a zany sitcom life?

Hank the hippo makes me eye more than just bill cobsy

sarah lynn/sobs at jenneate and all the abuse in hollywood in general glad the kids are doing sober tho.. as miley/lindsey /britney are doing well..

sharona never should have given bojack that spiked orange juice

watching bojack in his 30s/50s near angela im just, man this guy has ZERO backbone its sad

PB: gay for Bojack

Fav quotes: This penis has been inside this vagina

Everyone Deserves to be Loved

Made me cry ugly tears: Bojerb/ Bodiane

Hate: Beatrice horseman

fav: Bojack probably obvious.

fav episode: I think bojack hates the troops is pretty funny.

its cool how his flashbacks have a sitcom vibe to it.

I feel i try to border on not excusing bojack but understanding how itcan be so hard to be anything than what he became cause his parents gave zero love zero esteem and he was set up to fail at relationships. clearly he hatese himself bec too bad for him ne bascially became his parents alcholicsm, advantage of women, insulting hisson i mean friend Todd similar to how bea treated him.

I don't like the plot for sarah lynn death as i feel its take to much responbility off a adult women who had a wall full of drugs , found the heroin and took it of her own free will.. and prefer the ide of bojack being at fault for just being a enabler..

sarah lynn predicated it well that she would hang out with enablers and die young, speaking of enablers im annoyed at pc for inviting bojack to her buisness party and trying to get him back in the hollywood spotlight like why girl just why??

love todd/bojacks ending it was very sweet

i suppose thats all i have to say ... this is just a ramble of my scrambled brain thoughts of the show.. xd.

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 237

Days pass and it seems shit doesn't get better. In fact, it might even get worse. Also, I love how I randomly remember this account.

First things first, my mom has been in the psych ward for a week now. It stops her ED from getting too out of hand, but the real problem is her body image issues. That's what's causing the ED and it REALLY doesn't feel like the ooddles of doctors, psychiatrists, therapists and so on at the hospital seem to realize, or care, somehow. They also prescribed her with new antidepressants which she's having an allergic reaction to, but they say it's "normal" and are going to increase the dose. I hate them. I hate them so much and that's why I'd never want to go to the psych ward. They do the bare fucking minimum like feeding you and cleaning your room which are things you often can't do yourself anymore when you end up there, but they don't actually help you get better so when you go back into the world you can look after yourself again. Maybe I'm too harsh on them, and I'm sorry.

For my part, things are really shitty. I haven't gotten out of bed in 6 days now. I have had a pretty bad cold for a week too, so that'll justify it. Seriously, the truth is I'm going through a really bad depressive episode. It started about a week after I quit my job (so around the 25th of September I guess) and it hasn't left me since (we're the 3 of November right now). Most of the times I got out of bed were because I was seeing my relatives (I spent a week at my grandparents's and at my mom's, I saw my godmother a couple of times). My uni "friends" have completely given up on me and have straight up stopped inviting me to all their little parties and hangouts. I decided I didn't want to celebrate my "uni best friend" 's birthday anymore and came up with an excuse. I'm really disappointed in them. Or maybe I'm disappointed in myself because I should have been the one trying to organize stuff with them. But when you know they've created a groupchat with just the three of them, for some reason, and that was about as soon as I dropped out, you know you're not really part of the team anymore. I wonder if when my "best friend" doesn't walk fast enough compared to the two other girls, they just leave her behind like they did when we hung out the 4 of us, except I'd always slow down and wait for my "best friend" so she wouldn't be alone. I wonder.

These past 6 days, I don't really know what I've been doing except binge watch the last 3 or 4 seasons of BoJack Horseman. I absolutely ADORED this show. It's beyond what words can express. I've also started to develop a strange interest for dolls, specially the new Monster High dolls and Rainbow High/Shadow High dolls. It's okay, I'm going through a little phase and it brings me some comfort. I've also started reading Macbeth since I'm seeing the play in London in December.

All I pray for is winning the lottery. Whenever I don't forget, I play. I usually don't win much, but I play and I pray. Because I don't see how else I could get out of the deep. Just thinking about getting a job makes me feel an even greater amount of crippling anxiety and depression than I already have to bear every day. I've sort of convinced myself I deserved to have this little miracle happen to me because with all the shit I've been through, there is no one that could save me, not even myself, not doctors, not family. All that could save me would be becoming a millionaire and never having to worry about finding a job and losing my freedom, all of that to barely earn anything anyway. If I were a millionaire I could finally be sure I'll always have a roof above my head.

Lately I've lost the will to do things. I don't wanna celebrate my birthday. What is there to celebrate? It's gotten so bad that, although for a few months getting ready to see BTR tour in Europe was my top one priority in life, it's something I can barely find interest in anymore. When I think I probably won't be able to afford doing the whole tour I think "whatever", even though a couple of weeks ago I would have cried at the mere thought of not doing the whole tour. Things are changing quick. I'm losing interest in everything, nothing gets me excited. The BTR side of Twitter is hella toxic, you'll get cancelled over anything by a bunch of hypocrites.

I'd like to go back to the gym but I don't have the money, nor the will anymore. I've been asking for social aids (which I have the right to) but they're not giving me anything.

I don't have much else to say. I hope next time I write here things are a little better. I doubt they'll be, but I hope, still.

See you later :)

"Mr Blue I told you that I loved you

Please believe me..."

[sapphire-rays00]

Why Bojack Horseman is Such an Important Show and What it Means to Me

Bojack Horseman is an insanely popular show that tackles difficult topics such as depression, addiction, death, dementia, and learning how to process and deal with trauma. I watched this show as it was releasing in the mid to late 2010s and into early 2020 when I was an impressionable teenager who had yet to fully understand the effect that harmful and traumatic events have on a person. After my recent breakup and my current attempts to understand myself as an adult woman, I thought it would be beneficial to revisit the show after going through therapy and with a better understanding of relationships and adult concepts in general. Bojack Horseman is an absolutely beautiful show that provides striking commentary on the world we live in, what it means to try to be a good person, and the struggle and journey to find oneself.

The early seasons of Bojack Horseman are more light hearted and truly express the concept of a dramedy. The jokes are hilarious, the situations are ridiculous, but everything that happens is real for the characters and that’s what sets it apart from being another Simpsons or Family Guy. Everything the characters have done are referenced by other characters, the plot, and the setting (think the “Hollywoob” sign). At the end of season one Bojack asks Diane if she thinks he’s a good person “deep down” and later in season two, Diane finally answers him indirectly. She asks Bojack if he remembers what he asked her at the end of season one and when Bojack says he does, Diane says “I don’t think there is a “deep down.” I think your actions make up who you are.” This explanation about what it means to be a good person really struck a chord with me and I couldn’t really agree with it more. It’s so easy to talk about how you want to be a good person and that you want to do good things but unless you follow up on that intent, those words are just hollow statements that don’t mean anything.

In my personal life, I’ve struggled to understand the concept of people really being a representation of their actions and I find that I’m always wanting to help or fix people. The issue with this is at the end of it all, people can’t change as a result of other people, other people can influence you but the decisions you make are ultimately your own. If you learn something about society or yourself through someone else, you’ll never actually make the connection between problematic behaviors or events that you didn’t enjoy. The only way for you to realize something is through your own eyes and it isn’t until you want to make the change that change will happen. Bojack finally realizes this in the final episodes of the series and it takes him almost dying and an uncomfortable conversation with Diane to finally move on and embrace his actions as part of himself. 

It’s human nature to reject any part of you that isn’t good, but not all people are 100% good. Everyone has their own faults and everyone’s done something they aren’t proud of. What I’ve found, and what Bojack comes to find as well, is that if you want to be a good person, you’ll try to be and one day your positive actions might outweigh the bad things you’ve done. However, until you’re able to look at yourself in the mirror and accept the bad things about yourself as part of yourself, you’ll be forever chasing imaginary happiness.

The concept of figuring out who you are is expressed through Diane and Mr. Peanut Butter. The show begins with the two in a relationship, one where Mr. Peanut Butter is clearly happy but Diane seems to constantly question what her purpose is and never actually seems happy. Truthfully, this relationship felt a lot like the one I had with my most recent ex-boyfriend. At the end of the show, a while after Diane and Mr. Peanut Butter had divorced, Mr. Peanut Butter notes that he’s always known how to be an “us,” or in a relationship, but never learned how to be himself outside of a relationship. As a woman who was last single in 2015 and is now attempting to figure out her adult self, I know exactly what he means.

Since the show aired, I’ve been able to see almost an exact version of myself in Diane, except I’m not Vietnamese or straight. What connected me to Diane is the fact that she’s a writer and endured a relationship she thought was amazing and unproblematic but eventually realizes that she’s not happy. Not because Mr. Peanut Butter is a bad person, it’s evident that he loves and cares for every woman he’s with, but their personalities just don’t connect completely and they express their affection for one another in different ways that just aren’t compatible. What I learned from my own experience and what was cemented by Bojack Horseman for me is the fact that a relationship can’t be based solely on love, you have to take everything into account. As much as it hurts and as badly as we might want to allow ourselves to be comfortable, being comfortable isn’t always fulfilling. 

Until I was twenty-two, I didn’t completely understand the phrase “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.” Bojack is an astounding representation of this fact as he hates himself so the elements of his personality that he hates he sees in other people and makes them feel bad about themselves. By not addressing what you hate about yourself, you internalize those feelings and when someone acts like themselves around you and you witness a portion of you that you hate, you want to tear them down. You don’t really want to tear them down but since you can’t accept yourself for who you are, how can you accept someone with similar traits?

[yolo1650]

Surprise Date Pt. 3 (wip)

A/N: Inspired by a whole bunch of sacred romantic prompts by @screnwriter I had a lot of fun writing this! But I can imagine my execution is mediocre at best (especially with trying to write in Redd's pov) XD 

Also, if this helps, you can imagine the anthropomorphism akin to something like from Bojack Horseman. If you’re looking for some context, click here. I really wrote this to practice writing, nothing plot relevant here is permanent. 

Word Count: 1805

Warnings/Tags: Anthropomorphic characters, cross species relationship, drinking off screen, mentions of alcohol, jazzy times, make up after a fight, but i’m not exactly sure what they fought about, slow dancing, fluff, heart to heart, kissing, implied sex at the end, amateur writing, so it might get repetitive at times, i’m just so glad this is done, my oc still doesn’t have a name yet, she’s just referred to as she the whole time :’)

————-

As the level of wine in their glasses winded down, so did their surprisingly pleasant date night. In between their shared laughter and smiles, Redd could barely remember whatever fuss they had two nights before. Key word: barely. He still remembered how the sound of her yelling grated against his, and his tail bristled slightly at the thought of it.  

 Just then the CD player finished. With a tight smile, she excused herself to go and add a new one. The smooth voice of a woman's jazz ballad flowed out of the speakers, nothing at all like the soft chimes of the synth that was on before. Redd looked over to her outstretched hand.  

"Dance with me?" 

The dumb look of shock on his face probably wasn’t subtle at all, otherwise she wouldn't have shown off those shining pearly whites of her's. Rubbing the back of his neck, he chuckled. "No, no, I'm sorry darlin'. But I'm no dancer." 

But her hand remained outstretched in front of him. "I'll be the judge of that." Her tone was blunt, but her eyes however held a small plea. She then cocked her head over to the open space in front of the speakers. "Come on, we won't go too fast, I promise."

Tentatively, he placed his own leathered palm in her soft one, allowing her to guide him to the center of the living room. As she guided his right hand to her waist, he could feel his hackles rise at the nerves. He swallowed.  

"Don't say I didn't warn you now. Who knows, we might both end up on the ground 'cause of me." He hoped his voice didn't come out as hoarse because of how dry it was. She only smiled back, eyes warm with reassurance.  

"Then we'll both have something to laugh about when we look back at this moment." She placed a hand on his shoulder and slowly started moving. "Just follow my lead. I'm sure a smart fox like you can figure out a simple slow dance."

So, they danced, or rather, she slowly danced but had to pause at every step so that Redd's feet could step in time with her. He kept his head down, partly to keep watch of her feet and partly out of embarrassment. It wasn't often when he was forced in a position to admit an honest fault of his, but he'll take this case to be a delightful exception.  

"Are you familiar with Ella Fitzgerald?" Her question was let out in a single warm breath that pushed against the whiskers on the side of his muzzle. His nose involuntarily twitched at the newfound intimacy. He looked up only to see her gaze was elsewhere, supposedly lost in the swooping lows of the melody.  

"Ah, no, not really." He gently squeezed her hand as she picked up the pace. She squeezed back. "But I, uh, I don't mind. She sounds very talented."

"That she was, that she was," she drawled, her voice low. Nothing at all like how she sounded two days ago: sharp and resonant, and she had each syllable spoken with just the right amount of annunciation, perfect for scolding an employee for his unprofessionalism.  

It didn't take long before their bodies started moving together at the gentle pace of the song. His own tail couldn't help but absent-mindedly swing along to the smooth piano accompaniment. She even let him lead the dance for a few moments. Not bad you sly fox, Redd thought to himself, not bad at all. When she took over once more he looked to smile at her before saying, "This, this is kinda nice." But she only briefly returned that same half smile he'd seen all day.

Redd didn't need to be a detective to figure out what was bothering her. But, if their argument has taught him anything, it's that she wasn't really the talking type. In fact, if today has taught him anything, it was that she preferred to show how she felt, rather than say it. He squeezed her hand once more to assure her as she did for him, and her worried-filled eyes met with his attentive ones.  

She let out a sigh. "I'm sorry," she started, "about the things I said last time."

"I know." Out of the corner of his eye he could see her small frown. "The museum, fancy dinner, and now this? You'd have to admit it's all one hell of an apology."

"I still thought I should say it.”

“Apology accepted." He smiled. But it quickly dropped when she didn’t return it. He then opened his mouth. “I-

“I still have more to say, so if you could please just..." Her voice trailed off, not that she needed to finish it in the first place. The sight of her knit eyebrows alone was enough to shut his mouth up. He's never seen her so uncomfortable.  

She took another breath before continuing. "I was being a stupid, privileged ass, and you didn't deserve that. You're too good for-" She stopped herself, trying to find the right words. "You, you're just." She sighed and briefly glanced at him only to look away once again. “You’re extraordinary."

"I'm extraordinary?" The comment stopped him in his tracks, but he didn't even notice until she stumbled into him, the sweet, floral smell of her hair wash stronger than ever. Her arms grabbed onto his shoulders and he steadied her with his hands on her waist. He let out an embarrassed chuckle against her ear. "Sorry about that. Now remind me, who's the one making more figures here?"

"This isn't about that," she replied, their faces were so close she only needed to whisper. "I'm only able to do what I do because of my mom and she always knows best. But you-" Her piercing eyes met his own. "You didn't have any of that and you still made your way here because you wanted to be. You have this drive, this determination-and I see it in your eyes-you just go for it and take what you want, no matter what.”  

He leaned into her when she placed her forehead against his. “I've never seen that before so yeah, that's extraordinary."

He smirked. "Well, you are right about that."

She rolled her eyes. "You know I can easily take back all the nice things I said about you." The corners of her eyes crinkled as her mouth lifted to a beautiful smile. Redd's been waiting all night to see that one.  

"Alight, alright," he conceded, "bad timing I know, I'm sorry."  

She leaned in, pressing her whole body against him in a total embrace. Redd could tell that she'd said and done her piece, and was now melting into his touch. He could hear her quietly sing along to the music against his neck, another thing he'd never seen her do before. Their swaying has slowed tremendously since they started, but he decided that he actually liked it better this way.  

He cleared his throat and she pulled away to hear what he had to say. "I'm sorry 'bout gettin’ under your skin the other day. I should've known better than to pry like that." Seeing the earnest look in her eyes made him pause, and he found his jaw slacked trying to find his thoughts again.  

"I, uh, you're an amazing woman, you know that right?" She only responded with a small smile, a gentle request to continue. "You're a smart, beautiful, and busy woman who's got a lot on her plate. I'm sorry if I just ended up makin' your life harder and more stressful."

"Apology accepted," she said with a wide smile.

"And did I mention you've got a spine of steel? She shook her head and chuckled into his chest, now he was overdoing it. "I'm serious! Have you seen yourself at the office? There's nothing stopping you, whatever you want, you've got it. You're the whole package babe, life's just that easy for you."

Their slow dance has come to a crawling stop by now. As they held onto each other, the long, soaring melody from the trumpet flowed in between them, carrying away their troubles and leaving them together, hearts beating in time with each other. Redd didn't think he'd ever want to let go of her at all.  

"Nothing about this is easy right now," she mumbled into his neck.  

"I know." There was still so much he didn't tell her yet, and the longer he waited, the harder it became to even bring it up.  

His sensitive ears picked up the huffiness of a short laugh coming from her. "You certainly don't make it very easy. Here I am, twenty-one, thinking I already have everything together. I knew who I was, and I knew what my future held, but then -" She paused. What she said next came out slow, as if she was processing each word as it left her. "But then I met you, and for the first time, I just don't know anymore. I don't even-" Her hands balled up into fists against his back. "What if I-" He started rubbing slow circles against hers. "Maybe." Her shoulders relaxed. "Maybe I don’t want my future anymore because whenever I look at you-"

Their eyes met, and as they gazed deeply into each other, Redd couldn't help but feel an urge, a pull towards her. Did her eyes always look like a fox's? Bright with excitement and simmering with a deep burn of desire and certainty?

"-I see a whole different future, and I want it." Her eyes were already halfway closed at their close proximity, eagerly inviting him to close the gap. Right before he did, he heard her utter one four more words that made this wait all the more worth it. "I want you, Redd."

This kiss was the best one they had yet. It was slow and tender, and he indulged himself fully to the taste of her perfect lips. They were soft, and still had the lingering taste of the wine they shared moments before.  

When she reached up to hold his face against his own, his ears perked at the sound of a new vocalist, male this time, and although his gravelly voice sounded far away, the truth of the words he sang rang loud and true. Heaven, he was in heaven. He felt a slice of it with every gasp of breath they shared in between kisses, with every fleeting touch of her slender fingers on his body, with every soft moan of pleasure she let out underneath him. Heaven was tender kisses that were given like a promise. Heaven was when neither of them wanted to leave the gentle and firm embrace of the other, deep into the night.  

————-

Here’s the song that featured at the end

Let me know what you guys think, constructive criticism is especially welcome here :D

-(･ω･)v

[purplesurveys]

1279

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends?  I don’t keep contact.

Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual?  Hmmmm, I don’t think so. I feel like that would be the type of comment that would get to me so I definitely would’ve remembered it.

Would you get a lip piercing?  I don’t plan on getting any piercings.

Nose piercing?  Nopes.

What are you currently waiting for?  For this fucking day to end so I can be closer to Thursday and to the weekend.

Do you have feelings for anyone?  Nah.

Have you ever run over an animal?  Nope. I’ve had extremely close calls with animals who suddenly dart into the road, but fortunately these have all been situations wherein I got to hit the brakes with nobody behind me.

Have you chewed gum after someone else already has?  That’s disgusting, no.

When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’?  Sure, out of habit and just to be polite.

When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle?  I don’t think I’ve ever been on a bouncy castle, but I’ve been on a lot of bouncy other things haha, like inflatable slides, soccer balls, Anpanmans, etc. The last time would probably be a nearly a decade ago; I definitely haven’t been near one in a while.

Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk?  Well no, because the ones I’ve been on were situated in school fairs, which is the last place I would want to be drunk in.

Have you ever entered an art competition?  No, I have no justification to join one haha.

What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. < Same. 

What is one food that you detest?  Pineapples.

Did you have a rebellious phase growing up?  Yeah I was a bit of a handful to raise, but I’m in firm in my stance that it had a lot to do with the way I was raised. I grew up mostly without a father figure because my dad worked abroad and I felt neglected by my mom who had her own shit to deal with. There was no stable support system to lean on, so I ended up lashing out a lot in my puberty years. Unfortunately everyone else just saw a rebellious child and not a plea for help.

These days when I show off my achievements on social media, I’ll see congratulatory comments from my mom’s friends and she’ll usually go on about some “late bloomers grow with time” narrative and it pisses me off because nobody knows how much I’ve had to grow and mature and learn how to be happier all by myself, all from scratch. If I had just received the proper care and attention early on, I wouldn’t have had to do any catching up to begin with.

What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic.

Are you still that religion?  Jesus no. I darted out of there as soon as I gained the consciousness to think about these sorts of things.

Do you often find yourself questioning your future?  Sometimes, but I do my best to not let it get to me.

How many friends do you have on Facebook?  Over 670.

What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school?  I started with punk rock in the first half of high school, so I had my Rancids, H2Os, Against Me!s, Cro-Mags, etc on my iPod. It evolved a little bit towards more indie, folksy sounds towards the latter half - Banks, alt-J, Hozier, Twenty One Pilots - which I largely attribute to the crowd I was part of at the time.

What pet names do you use with your significant other?  I’m pretty straightforward so baby works out for me. Other, more specific pet names just grow naturally with the relationship, I think.

What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries?  S&R.

Have you ever seen a theatre show?  Yeah. Most of them have been required.

What’s your favourite vegetable?  Broccoli or bell peppers.

Have you ever missed a flight?  Never. I’ve experienced several delayed flights, though, which is always such a hassle especially if the delays happen in provincial airports since they never have any recreational offers to keep passengers from getting bored other than TVs that run the same damn five ads.

Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them?  Yeah, a lot of have dogs. I’ve met some.

What color is your bedroom door?  Brown.

If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans?  Only towards obsessive ones who wouldn’t give me time to breathe or would go so far so as to stalk me or my loved ones. But I am a fan too, so I imagine I would actually be understanding of those who would ask for pictures or whatever as long as they were polite and not at all intrusive.

Have you ever met your favourite band/singer?  Nah. I am terrified of meeting celebrities HAHA so I’ve always shut down the chance. I’m pretty sure I would actually turn down the chance to meet BTS if I hypothetically suddenly got the magic keys to that door.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like?  No. I feel like that sort of thing just happens in like high school, when your friends are still a bit judgmental. Nowadays I don’t see why I should be embarrassed of anything I like, especially if it’s not hurting anyone.

Have you ever written a story?  I’ve made attempts but was always terrible.

Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it?  My homework that required me to write said poem hahaha.

Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? 

What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child?  Watching commercials at night. It’s still a slight fear of mine but it’s mostly dissipated now.

Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you?  About me? No. I don’t have a lot of those since I was a really shy kid who barely moved a finger anyway.

In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show?  I have a *really* soft spot for Perfect Strangers, which I actually revisited yesterday :) The show was never super popular so it’s near impossible to find clips online, but when I checked YouTube I did see a slight increase in short snippets from the show so I had a really fun time binge-watching yesterday.

What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have?  Three, but that’s pushing it. Ideally, I’d have two so my first would have company.

Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness?  Mental ones, yes.

Are you comfortable with who you are?  For the most part, yes.

Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it?  No. Why would it be any of their business?

Does popularity matter to you at all?  I mean, yeah in the sense that I honestly aspire to be well-liked by as many people as possible. But I don’t necessarily want to rub shoulders with popular kids.

Would you ever consider homeschooling your children?  Continued from sometime this week ider. No. I don’t think I’m capable of teaching, and generally I’d want them to be able to learn in a more open environment where they can have regular contact with different kinds of people.

Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to?  Well Angela got into them first and since we’re best friends, there was a certain point where she just decided to loop me into conversations that involved them. I was impossible to sway for a long time, but then one day a video compilation of them showed up on my feed, and for some reason I actually watched it, and I watched all the way through, and I was immediately intrigued – particularly by J-Hope haha. I then asked Angela to tell me more about them and the rest was...financially irresponsible history HAHAHAHA

Do you ever read fanfiction?  OMG yes. Funny you should mention that because my favorite author uploaded a brand new fic this morning, which I obviously couldn’t get to all day because I had to go to work. I’ll be reading it in all its 44,000-word glory tonight :D

Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire?  Plane crash. Instant and mostly painless.

What are your top five favourite TV shows?  Breaking Bad, BoJack Horseman, Friends, The Crown even though I was never able to continue it since...andddd that’s all I got.

What is your favorite superhero movie?  Not a fan of superhero movies.

If you died next week, what would be the cause of death?  Stress from overworking. I’ve FINALLY started to consider taking a leave for the first time this year because I’ve just realized just how fucking exhausted, burned out, and overwhelmed I actually already am from having no rest at all in the last 13 months.

Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why?  Yes, I do mass deactivations when I’m severely depressed. These days I can’t really afford to that anymore, though, since my work is closely tied to social media.

Who is the most talented person you know?  Probably Andi.

Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with?  No.

Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? 

Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened?  Nah. I’ve had two people like me at the same time, but there was never any tension to watch out for since they mostly didn’t know each other.

Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened?  I think they know I dated Gabie and that we broke up because they’ve stopped asking about her. Everyone knew we were best friends, so the fact that they’ve avoided her as a topic for a whole year is able to tell me something.

Are your parents more liberal or conservative?  Dad’s on the liberal side, mom dances around on the spectrum a little bit. I know she’s fine with things like tattoos and having LGBTQ+ co-workers, but she’s also conservative especially towards matters like religion.

What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year?  No longer in school.

How far away does your closest family member live?  A few footsteps away.

If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland?  It’s not my type of movie/genre to begin with.

Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not?  Yes. I don’t see the big deal; I’ve already done it anyway.

Are you more liberal or conservative?  Liberal.

Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?  Ooh not sure. I haven’t gone back to the books in a while, so I don’t remember if there was anyone I had an attachment to.

What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry?  Nothing.

What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done?  Had sex...I guess? And a bunch of stuff that comes with it.

Name something that you are against.  Racial discrimination.

Why are you against it?  Because it is infuriating to see, and it shows me the very same treatment can happen to me or my family as well and that scares me, especially since some people turn particularly violent towards people of color.

Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games?  No.

Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy?  I imagine I wouldn’t enjoy it if I’m not as into whoever my next partner would be.

Beatles or Rolling Stones?  I don’t listen to either.

When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody?  Not so sure about a whole change in opinion because that hasn’t happened in a while, but I grew more grateful for my manager today because I finally mustered the strength to tell her that I’m begin to struggle mentally with work and she not only encouraged (read: begged) me to file a damn leave for once, but she also got sushi delivered to my place.

What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why?  Andi was telling me about their day today and how they handled being misgendered by a prof, who then proceeded to throw a fit when he got corrected, and how they, again, maturely handled said fit. I was proud of them because there are a million ways that incident could’ve turned out, but they dealt with it in an extremely mature and calm manner considering they were the one who was wronged.

Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you?  If it was about an extremely personal problem I would probably be taken aback at first, but I still would definitely make some time for them and help in however way I can, since they apparently trust me enough to confide.

What was the last thing to fascinate you?  The music video for My Universe! Super cool to watch and I love that they made a short film out of it too.

Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you?  Doors being slammed shut, because that’s what my mom does when she’s furious. She did that when I was a kid and she does it to this day, so I get extremely nervous when I hear the sound, even if it happens by accident.

Do you have a favourite microorganism? Nope.

Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next?  My cousin Bree.

If you have pet fish do you bother to name them?  I did when I had them as a kid.

Do you keep your eggs in the fridge?  Yes?

Have you ever owned chickens?  Nope.

When did you last listen to music?  Like five minutes ago. I tried to have a jazz playlist on but I realized I wasn’t in the mood for music so I changed my background noise to have a random VLive on instead. 

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-3rd Place

It’s here that I feel I should give a couple warnings about this next show.

My #3 pick is NOT meant for children. Not in a way that Rick and Morty or Camp Camp aren’t meant for children (as in, as long as you’re twelve years old, you’ll still enjoy it), but in a way that this show deals with topics that kids are not ready to talk about yet. Hell, there are topics that some adults aren’t prepared to talk about.

This brings me to my next warning. If you feel as though your interests are random comedies or if you use cartoons to escape, DON’T WATCH THIS SHOW. It may not seem like it at first, but this series will not only make it clear that you shouldn’t ignore your problems and will actually bring them right towards you in a raging force.

Finally, you shouldn’t just binge this one. It’s best to watch a couple episodes a day and get back to it later because out of all the series that I’ve talked about thus far, it’s #3 that isn’t really a fun ride the whole way through. In a complementary way, that is.

#3-Bojack Horseman (2014-2020)

The Plot: Back in the ’90s, Bojack Horseman was the star of a famous TV show called Horsin’ Around. Years after the show got canceled, he is now a drunken mess just trying to stay relevant in today’s television market. Will he get his big break, or is he just a one-trick pony?

I meant it when I said this is a show for adults. Bojack Horseman has topics and storylines that kids are not ready to see or hear. Or at least, Bojack Horseman has topics that they’re not capable enough to understand at such a young age. Topics that actually utilize what other “adult” cartoons use as cheap tricks to get that mature rating. Most shows just have characters drink and do drugs to look mature. Bojack Horseman uses drugs and alcohol as cautionary tales for alcoholism, opium adiction, and the high possibility of a person dying from a drug overdose. In fact, where most adult cartoons treat death as a joke, Bojack Horseman is a series that, for the most part, actually treats death as the final end that it is. And where most shows use sex as a symbol of maturity, Bojack Horseman actually appropriates sex to tell a story. Whether showing the faults of having angry sex with your partner or even utilizing the chance to talk about abortion. That’s right, there is an entire episode that talks about abortion in this show. Not even Family Guy, a series that relies on crude shock humor, had the balls to deal with this subject...okay, that’s not entirely true. Family Guy actually did have the balls to talk about abortion, but the network cut them off. Still, the point is that Bojack Horseman is a show that doesn’t seem afraid to talk about whatever the hell it wants to talk about.

And trust me when I say talk because this show is the most dialogue-heavy series on this list. This should be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that the dialogue is fantastic due to how it’s so...real. The conversations, arguments, and monologues that these characters have with each other sounds like things actual people would say to each other. For example, the episode “Free Churro” is just a half-hour of Bojack Horseman giving a eulogy at his mother's funeral. And I’m not kidding when I say that it’s the best episode of the entire series. Because I don’t hear Will Arnet voicing a character. I hear a man explaining to an audience about his mother's life and the complicated relationship she had with him. And just like a real-life eulogy, you’ll hang on to every word this guy says.

Now not all of Bojack Horseman’s dialogue is natural because the show’s surreal sense of humor practically ruins it. Usually, I like it when a show tries to balance darkness with a light sense of humor, and at times this one can be pretty hilarious to watch. It’s just the moments where the characters say something bizarre or meta that the comedy could use a little polish. Because when you’re so used to characters speaking like actual human beings, the immersion is broken when they say something unhuman like. And because of this, the show’s comedy is easily the weakest point of it. It’s not bad comedy, but it would help if it didn’t drag the series down with it.

But what doesn’t drag the series down is its main antagonist. Bojack Horseman has the most unique and original interpretation of who should go against Bojack himself. Because here’s the thing: Bojack’s greatest enemy isn’t an intergalactic dictator, a demon from another dimension, or even a person trying to get revenge. The biggest enemy to Bojack Horseman, is in fact, Bojack Horseman. Every little awful, depressing, and downright life-threatening thing that happens to this character is almost always his own fault. Because everything, to the hatred from Bojack's friends and family, his career getting ruined, and his own alcoholism all traces back to Bojack. The show really makes it hard to root for a character like him due to his actions. In fact, one episode practically points out how it’s wrong to root for someone like him. And you shouldn’t. He’s an awful individual, and no one in their right mind would feel any remorse for him. But you do. Because unlike other a-hole characters in adult animation, Bojack actually wants to change and tries hard to be better. But every time it looks like he takes a step forward, he always ends up taking ten steps back. And again, it’s absolutely his own fault. Because even though he’s the protagonist, he’s still the show’s antagonist. And it amazes me how well this series proves that your worst enemy is yourself.

And I know that sounds depressing, but here’s the thing: Depressing is what the show is. It will make you feel depressed and empty inside with nearly every episode. How? By telling the audience things they don’t want to hear but need to hear. Things such as how people don’t change. How there’s always going to be a voice in your head telling you that you’re an awful piece of s**t, and it won’t go away. How in life, there are no happy endings. And that last one is something that came straight out of the horse’s mouth. Understandably so, not everyone is going to be into a series telling them things such as this. In fact, that’s the main reason why Bojack Horseman is #3 and not #1. 

I can’t, in good conscience, recommend it to just anybody. Sure, I can watch it with little to no problems because I’m in a comfortable place, both spiritually and mentally. But some people aren’t, and the last thing they need is a constant reminder of how awful their lives are. Call it selfish, but I call it giving a break to those who need it.

Bojack Horseman isn’t like anything else you’ll find on TV. It has some of the best drama and storytelling I have ever seen, despite minor hiccups I may have with it. Not everyone will be into it, and I’ll always understand why, but I hope those who do will have a great viewing experience. Because I’m not Horsin’ Around when I say that this show is incredible.

(Side note: Half the characters are anthropomorphic animals and the other half are actual human beings. I know it’s weird that I didn’t mention it, but the show rarely does, so I felt it wasn’t too important)

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[mcustorm]

Thoughts on Love, Victor Season 1

PSA: If you think that you might be gay, don’t get a girl emotionally invested! Please!

Ya know, at first when I thought about what I was going to write about this show, I thought that I should split the writings into the first half/last half of the show. Now I’m thinking “screw it”, if only because if I was going to go that route I should have stopped, parsed through my feelings about the first 5 episodes, and written those thoughts before proceeding with the next half. That, of course, did not happen, so to prevent the back half of the season’s events from miring the first half, I’ll just write about the whole shebang. There’s probably a joke about that word somewhere, I’ll try not to make it.

Anyways, let’s start by saying that on the whole, I really liked this show. It was not as good as Sex Education season 1, yet in my opinion waaaay better than HSMTMTS season 1. Most of the characters were likable and felt developed enough, it moved at a nice pace, and you can tell that a lot of heart went into this. Perhaps because we all watched this in a day, it felt like a 5 hour movie rather than a 10 episode tv show.

Additionally, I of course like the Latinx representation. The intersectionality of the Latinx community and the LGBTQ+ community has been presented on at least five TV shows to my knowledge: Ugly Betty, One Day at a Time, Diary of a Future President, The Baker and the Beauty, and now Love, Victor. Let’s keep it up!

As for the premise of the show itself, I *love* that this show acknowledges that Simon’s journey, at least at his house, was leaps and bounds easier than many other people’s. Victor’s parents are more conservative and religious, and they don’t have their shit together, so this is not the best environment to drop that bombshell in (which is why it was so incredible when Victor decides to do it anyway). Simon and Victor’s DM’s being a framing device for the show was a great way to tie the universe together.

The hook of Love, Simon was that you know all those cheesy and cliche rom-coms that straight people have gotten since the dawn of time? Well LGBT people deserve those stories too! Love, Victor is sort of presented with that same thesis in mind, which is why watching these episodes felt like different things I’ve seen before all over. The whole season ironically feels like Alex Strangelove: The TV Show, right down to the often cringy relationship with the girl, the openly gay love interest who conflicts our protagonist, and the goofball friend who chases after a girl who is seemingly out of his league.

Mia’s character felt a lot like Laila from All-American, being a black girl who is ordained as the hottest girl at school (which I feel like is a title only given in fictional schools), who also has a missing mother and problems with her rich dad. Pilar, on the other hand, feels like Casey from Atypical, in that she is openly rebellious in large part because of her mother’s infidelity.

Victor’s story this season sure was something to watch. The biggest question for me was, just how much sympathy should he be given? The world is inherently unfair to Victor. None of us should have to go through the agony and anxiety that so often comes with being in the closet and coming out. But for Victor to have visited those problems on Mia, who is going through things herself? That makes him pretty morally gray.

But he was still finding himself! But he loves Mia, just not like that! I get it, which is why he should have cut things off as soon as he got back from New York, no he should have cut things off when she asked him if there was “anything else” in her bedroom, no he should have cut things off when he literally felt like he and Benji were the only two people in the room at the concert, no he really shouldn’t have done this to begin with.

The line between Victor finding himself and him deceiving Mia is the conflict of the show, but the moment for me when I was like “Damn, Victor” was after he intentionally derailed Mia’s shebang-ing that she planned, he found the gall to lie to Benji and plan a seduction! That is why the season finale was so glorious. Because yes, while the world is unfair to Victor, he’s being unfair to the people around him.

I have made it a point not to read other people’s opinions extensively so as not to bias my own thoughts, but is Felix everybody else’s favorite? Felix’s character and arc was great. He was a supportive friend yet still felt like he had a story and stakes of his own, something which some TV shows get right (Sex Ed) and some TV shows get various shades of wrong (Jamie Johnson, Andi Mack). I like that he knew his worth and cut things off with Lake, and I like that she realized that her happiness with him should take priority over what others think of her.

I was soooo sympathetic to Mia. Her world is being turned upside down at home. Clearly, she has not even processed her mother being out of her life, and now her Dad is “replacing” her Mom while the baby is also “replacing” her! In Mia’s eyes, at least. Mia just needs to know that she is loved and appreciated. Which she *thought* of all people she’d be able to get from her boyfriend. Shucks.

As for the rest of Victor’s family, I also thought the parents’ storyline was pretty interesting yet unfortunate. Armando just can’t come around to trusting Isabel, which I actually kind of understand. Isabel, meanwhile, is being prevented from doing the thing she loves to do, which sucks especially because she’s in a radically new environment. Adrian is of course great, protect him at all costs. Pilar’s seemingly permanent mode of “angsty” is completely justified, as her friends back in TX are moving on just fine without her, she’s having trouble opening up and fitting in, and her family is WYLIN.

Some things that didn’t go so well for me was Andrew’s character, who feels like he’s just there to obstruct at any given moment. Y'all knew that when Victor and Benji were having that convo in the bathroom, someone was in the stall and someone was Andrew. Also, my guy, how are you not even somewhat aware that you are a total douchecanoe? I liked Benji, but Venji didn’t quite work for me because of all of the cheatation that it took to get there. Benji was pissed and ready to stay away from Victor permanently after the [attempted seduction], but once his relationship was over he was completely fine with putting his tongue down Mia’s boyfriend’s throat.

Overall, I really enjoyed this show. Some of these teen dramas I’m admittedly only watching for the LGBT content, so to have that be at the forefront of a show for once was amazing. The conflict was realistic if frustrating, and to me most of the characters seemed fully realized. Thankfully, the show didn’t even feel too “spin-offy” even with Nick Robinson being all over it.

In any given multi-season serialized show, the trajectory of the show goes one of two ways: the first season puts your feet on the ground of the series, and then later seasons go above and beyond with the storytelling (The Office, Breaking Bad, Bojack Horseman, Jamie Johnson) OR the first season is pretty great TV, and the following seasons fail to live up to its glory (The Good Place, Dear White People, really most every Netflix show ever). Which category Love, Victor ends up in is something to look forward to. Where do we go from here now that Victor is taking his first steps out of the closet?

Stray thoughts from the episodes:

The soundtrack on the whole, was not my cup of tea. I still liked a couple of songs, so that means somebody out there liked more of them.

I completely forgot Natasha Rothwell was in Love, Simon. More of her! More of Ali Wong! More of Beth Littleford! They were all great.

So Roger got his ass beat by Armando, and he still wants to get back with her?? Roger is reckless, man.

Speaking of reckless, Victor’s closet skills completely fell apart towards the end there. Assume somebody’s always watching!

Lake’s mother is a trip.

Good for the family for standing up to the grandparents.

Oh my god, Simon and Bram. Those guys are mine, and now they’re growing up and moving to the Big Gay City. They’ve come a long way.

Speaking of the Big Gay City, we were in Atlanta for a season and got *0* acknowledgement of the vibrant gay community there. More things to look forward to.

Was anybody else singing Selena along with Isabel? That is my favorite Selena song!

By rule of Felix being a male and Pilar being a female close in age, I immediately thought they were going to be a thing. The writers didn’t pull that thread too much...

That moment at the end there when we all thought Victor was going to hold off on his announcement only for him to go “fuck it” and say it anyways? And then he got to exhale? Perfect. chef’s kiss

What with June being Pride month, the SCOTUS ruling a couple of days ago, this entire show premiering today, and Delliot things going down in less than 24 hours, this will likely be the gayest week of the year. I suggest we all enjoy it.

Stay Peachy!

[willowfm]

heeeeeey  again  besties  !!  it’s  your  favorite  icon  hailey  coming  at  you  with  another  dumpster  fire  .  their  name  is  willow  and  they’re  a  mix  between  a  vodka  aunt  and  stoner  cousin  who’s  an  actual  mom  !!  i  stg  if  one  of  you  says  ‘  step  on  me  ’  .  

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊.  𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

( zoe kravitz, nonbinary, they/she, aquarius, 29 ) i spotted willow russell at the beach today. don’t you know them? they live down by the rocks and usually hang out with the skaters & families clique. from what i’ve heard, they can be destructive, but they’re also passionate. i always think of them when i hear cherry bomb - the runaways and tend to associate them with scarlet red lips,  70s  band tees, & the bitterness of black coffee  .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 

willow dawn russell

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬) 

will & lola

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 

february 14th

𝐚𝐠𝐞 

twenty - nine ( 29 )

𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 

five foot two inches ( 5′2″ )

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 

nonbinary

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 

they / them / theirs & she / her / hers

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧(𝐬) 

owner of the rocks skate park

manager at victoria’s 

𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞(𝐬) 

english & spanish

𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 

pansexual & panromantic

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦

zoe kravitz

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜 

aquarius sun, scorpio rising, & cancer moon

𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 

chaotic good

𝐦𝐛𝐭𝐢 

estj-t

𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 

type 3w2 ( the achiever )

𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 

choleric-phlegmatic

𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 

gryffindor 

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

how they love others - acts of service, words of affirmation, & physical touch

how they need to be loved - quality time & physical touch

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨

princess carolyn ( bojack horseman ) , allison hargreeves ( umbrella academy ) , fiona gallagher ( shameless ) , steven hyde ( that 70s show ) , regina mills ( once upon a time )

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒗. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

triggers  (  these  are  all  the  triggers  as  they  appear  throughout  ,  they  will  be  tagged  accordingly  )  :  abuse  tw  ,  assault  &  abuse  tw  ,  fire  tw  ,  death  tw  ,  pregnancy  tw  ,  pregnancy  tw  ,  assault  &  death  tw  ,  death  mention

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. 

born  in  the  supposed  “  rough  side  of  town  ”  ,  willow  was  born  into  a  somewhat  nuclear  family  ,  two  present  parents  ,  a  younger  sister  ,  and  all  the  love  that  a  child  could  ask  for  .

her  parents  kristen  and  isaiah  were  your  typical  sunhollow  couple  ,  high  school  sweethearts  ,  and  madly  in  love  .  isaiah  being  the  laid  back  stoner  type  and  kristen  being  your  stereotypical  type  a  suburban  mom  .

isaiah  was  the  more  laid  back  of  the  pair  ,  being  the  sole  owner  of  the  rocks  skate  park  ( where  he  acted  as  a  father  figure  for  anyone  who  set  foot  on  the  ramps  )  ,  and  coming  from  a  less  than  glamorous  childhood  himself  ,  believed  in  giving  your  children  space  to  grow  and  adapt  into  their  own  person  .  

their  mother  kristen  ,  on  the  other  hand  the  first  to  bring  over  fresh  baked  goods  and  homemade  casseroles  to  the  new  neighbors  ,  heavily  involved  in  the  pta  ,  and  the  most  visible  parents  at  any  school  function  geared  towards  their  kids  .

it  was  almost  stifling  how  much  the  kristen  was  involved  in  their  children’s  lives  ,  always  on  top  of  their  grades  ,  their  extracurricular  involvement  ,  essentially  any  aspect  of  their  children’s  lives  that  she  could  control  they  took  the  liberty  in  doing  so  .

though  that’s  not  to  say  that  she  wasn’t  concerned  with  how  her  children  felt  ,  more  so  that  she  was  convinced  their  way  was  the  right  way  .

the  russells  balanced  each  other  out  perfectly  ,  and  it  continued  to  be  that  way  for  as  long  as  willow  could  remember  it  .

a  rather  well  behaved  child  ,  willow  tried  their  absolute  best  to  fly  under  their  mother’s  radar  ,  which  is  extremely  difficult  when  you’re  the  eldest  daughter  of  only  two  .  so  willow  subsequently  felt  a  lot  of  the  pressure  of  her  mother  from  a  young  age  .

due  to  her  mother’s  overbearing  nature  willow  naturally  gravitated  towards  being  a  daddy’s  girl  .  spending  any  and  all  free  time  she  could  with  him  and  from  the  minute  she  was  old  enough  to  walk  he  taught  her  how  to  skate  ,  something  that  became  a  bonding  experience  for  both  of  them  ,  as  she  got  better  and  better  ,  their  bond  grew  stronger  and  stronger  .

rain  or  shine  ,  there  wasn’t  a  single  day  that  willow  didn’t  spend  with  her  father  .  everyone  in  the  rocks  joked  that  she  was  a  derivative  of  him  ,  a  spitting  image  if  anyone  had  ever  seen  one  .

and  as  willow  grew  up  things  became  no  different  .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞. 

high  school  came  around  and  willow  got  two  extremely  different  notions  from  their  parents  .  their  mother  wanted  her  to  buckle  down  and  focus  on  choosing  a  sensible  career  ,  while  their  father  wanted  her  to  follow  their  passions  in  the  same  vein  that  he  did  (  his  being  a  now  infamous  band  ,  at  least  to  willow  )

willow  tried  their  best  to  maintain  a  balance  of  both  extracurriculars  that  appeased  their  mother  ,  and  free  time  spent  with  their  father  at  the  skate  park  ,  helping  him  out  with  general  upkeep  and  sharpening  their  skills  whenever  possible  .

during  one  of  daily  trips  to  the  ramps  ,  she  happened  to  notice  someone  she’d  never  seen  before  ,  call  it  love  at  first  sight  ,  or  just  teenage  hormones  ,  but  suddenly  willow  had  a  new  goal  in  mind  .

it  didn’t  take  long  before  they  also  caught  his  attention  ,  if  for  no  other  reason  than  that  they  were  measurably  a  hundred  times  better  than  he  was  on  the  ramps  ,  and  soon  enough  a  relationship  formed  .

for  once  willow  didn’t  care  much  about  their  mother’s  pedantic  tendencies  or  their  father’s  disapproval  of  the  boy  that  she’d  chose  ,  they  were  in  love  ,  and  no  one  could  tell  them  otherwise  .

ABUSE TW  this  was  until  their  boyfriend  proved  to  be  more  controlling  than  thier  mother  .  she  could  hardly  go  to  the  ramps  ,  all  her  free  time  was  spent  with  him  rather  than  her  father  ,  and  if  they  ever  dared  challenge  him  things  go  physical  .

they  were  all  apperances  in  public  ,  and  to  their  parents  ,  holding  hands  in  the  hallways  and  him  slipping  them  handwritten  love  letters  ,  but  things  only  continued  to  escalate  as  their  relationship  continue  further  .

ASSAULT & ABUSE TW  the  final  straw  was  when  he  threatened  them  with  a  knife  to  their  throat  due  to  them  choosing  to  spend  time  with  their  father  instead  of  sit  in  on  his  band  practice  without  alerting  him  .  it  was  then  they  realized  they  never  wanted  to  fear  someone  like  that  again  .

finally  gathering  the  courage  to  share  with  their  father  what  was  happening  behind  the  scenes  ,  they  successfully  managed  to  break  things  off  ,  and  although  they  had  escaped  their  situation  ,  that  relationship  had  lasting  impacts  on  how  they  viewed  love  .

they  clung  to  security  after  this  ,  constantly  attached  to  the  hip  of  their  father  ,  worried  about  what  the  return  of  their  ex  lover  might  look  like  .  thankfully  this  fear  never  came  to  fruition  ,  though  it  still  hauntingly  lingers  to  this  day  .

they  successfully  graduated  high  school  ,  and  with  heavy  influence  from  their  mother  enrolled  in  sunhollow  for  a  degree  in  journalism  .  and  the  minute  they  stepped  foot  on  the  sunhollow  campus  and  swore  not  to  fall  in  love  ,  that’s  exactly  what  they  did  .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐡. 

he  was  nothing  like  her  last  boyfriend  all  sweet  words  and  gentle  hands  that  knew  exactly  the  spots  to  kiss  to  make  her  feel  whole  again  .

the  whiplash  that  came  from  going  to  a  super  toxic  relationship  to  one  where  he  was  extremely  loving  and  gentle  was  something  that  willow  had  to  slowly  become  accustomed  to  .

she  spent  her  days  with  him  in  the  library  ,  hushed  giggles  and  hand  holding  ,  and  her  nights  commuting  back  to  the  rocks  to  help  out  her  family  with  her  job  that  she  got  at  victoria’s  .

though  journalism  wasn’t  exactly  her  main  passion  ,  there  were  plenty  of  opportunities  to  get  involved  with  things  that  were  .  enter  the  band  her  and  her  boyfriend

they  were  nothing  to  write  home  about  ,  they  were  good  in  a  local  dive  bars  ,  but  they  definitely  weren’t  going  to  be  selling  out  stadiums  any  time  soon  ,  and  honestly  they  preferred  it  that  way  .

this  was  her  college  experience  ,  playing  shows  at  victoria’s  ,  splitting  time  between  her  boyfriend  and  her  family  ,  and  working  her  way  towards  completing  her  bachelor’s  degree  .

she  even  saved  up  enough  money  with  her  boyfriend  to  afford  a  moderately  sized  condo  in  the  rocks  close  to  her  childhood  home  .  this  condo  would  also  become  the  place  where  he  ended  up  proposing  the  idea  of  getting  eloped  .  he  was  convinced  they  didn’t  need  a  ceremony  only  each  other  .

the  day  she  walked  the  stage  with  her  husband  was  one  of  the  proudest  moments  of  her  life  ,  but  soon  enough  it  would  devolve  into  the  worst  .

FIRE TW  clamors  of  a  house  fire  in  the  rocks  ,  prompting  an  early  departure  from  both  willow  and  her  husband  who  drove  home  to  see  willow’s  childhood  home  in  flames  .

DEATH TW  by  the  time  that  help  had  arrived  ,  it  was  too  late  ,  both  her  parents  had  been  consumed  by  the  flames  ,  childhood  memories  had  been  destroyed  ,  and  willow  yet  again  felt  broken  .

the  only  family  that  remained  was  her  ,  her  sister  ,  and  her  husband  .  and  willow  took  every  opportunity  to  step  up  to  the  plate  and  provide  her  sister  whatever  she  could  within  her  means  .

willow  decided  to  put  her  journalism  degree  to  work  to  honor  her  parents  and  wrote  for  the  local  newspaper  ,  bringing  light  to  social  issues  at  the  rocks  ,  and  local  news  going  on  within  the  community  from  any  side  of  town  .  but  she  also  had  the  job  of  maintaining  the  skate  park  her  father  left  for  her  ,  and  part  -  time  shifts  at  victoria’s  ,  a  job  that  gave  her  some  semblance  of  normalcy  .

four  years  seemed  to  pass  willow  by  without  seemingly  anything  interesting  happening  ,  life  seemed  to  finally  calm  down  .

PREGNANCY TW  but  soon  enough  after  weeks  of  getting  sick  after  rehearsal ( her  college  bad  reuniting  to  play  victoria’s  on  sunday  nights )  ,  and  waking  up  nauseated  ,  willow  realized  she  might  have  idea  of  what  was  going  on  .  three  pregnancy  tests  later  she  was  staring  down  at  a  pink  plus  sign  with  tears  in  her  eyes  . 

they  were  more  than  happy  to  finally  settle  down  and  seriously  consider  having  a  family  ,  something  that  willow  had  always  craved  .

and  the  minute  that  life  got  better  again  it  go  exponentially  worse  .

PREGNANCY TW  about  a  month  before  her  twenty  -  fifth  birthday  ,  willow  gave  birth  to  twin  girls  which  she  named  iris  and  imani  ,  and  the  second  time  she  ever  held  them  in  her  arms  she  received  life  altering  news  .

ASSAULT & DEATH TW  while  on  his  way  to  the  hospital  ,  her  husband  was  mugged  ,  an  assault  which  ultimately  lead  to  his  death  .

once  again  willow  was  left  to  pick  up  the  pieces  of  losing  someone  important  to  her  ,  and  as  it  stood  she  had  four  people  who  needed  her  ,  the  most  important  two  being  the  infants  bundled  in  her  arms  in  that  moment  .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

that  was  four  years  ago  now  and  iris  and  imani  have  been  their  main  priority  ever  since  .

DEATH MENTION  since  the  passing  of  her  husband  ,  she  realized  that  couldn’t  keep  living  her  life  for  other  people  ,  and  so  she  quit  her  job  at  the  paper  ,  picked  up  more  shifts  at  victoria’s (  even  worked  her  way  up  to  being  a  manager  )  ,  and  took  over  her  dad’s  place  at  the  skate  park  .

similar  to  her  dad  ,  anyone  who  steps  foot  on  the  ramps  is  by  proxy  her  child  ,  and  that’s  no  joke  ,  she  will  never  forget  a  face  and  she  will  get  to  know  everything  about  you  ,  she  believes  in  taking  care  of  the  people  who  keep  her  dad’s  legacy  alive  .

the  best  way  that  i  can  describe  her  personality  is  abrasive  ,  extremely  rough  around  the  edges  ,  and  she  is  not  one  to  let  people  in  easily  anymore  .  unless  of  course  she  considers  you  family  ,  then  she  is  by  your  side  until  the  end  of  time  .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒗. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 

navy blue 

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 

thunderstorms are her favorite for some reason she finds an odd comfort in them

𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐚𝐲 

she tends to work a lot of nights so her favorite time of day is dusk, the moon is just coming up, and her day feels like it’s just getting started

𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥(𝐬) 

foxes

𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐢𝐬

😈😎🤔😘😴🥵😜💋

𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 

kristen russell ; deceased

𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 

isaiah russell ; deceased

𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬)

wanted connection ; sister

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧

iris russell ( 4 years old )

aquarius sun, libra rising, & aquarius moon

imani russell ( 4 years old )

aquarius sun, libra rising, & aquarius moon

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 

degree  in  journalism  from  sunhollow  university

𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐬 

n/a

𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 

writing  ,  skateboarding  ,  surfing  ,  yoga  ,  cooking  ,  singing  ,  running  ,  photography  ,  traveling  ,  and  playing  bass  .

𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 

small  two  bedroom  home  that  is  just  big  enough  for  all  of  their  and  their  daughter’s  belongings  .

𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 

between  maintaining  the  skatepark  during  the  day  ,  working  nights  at  victoria’s  ,  and  raising  twin  girls  ,  willow  doesn’t  see  a  lot  of  sleep  but  she  takes  what  she  can  get  .

𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬

willow  survives  a  lot  on  take  -  out  and  vending  machine  snacks  ,  but  the  days  she  does  have  she  makes  sure  to  cook  recipes  handed  down  to  her  from  her  mother  .

𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

70s  band  tee  shirts  and  high  waisted  denim  ,  burnt  orange  and  olive  green  paisley  ,  psychedelic  rock,  ginger  and  lime,  loves  post  -  apocalyptic  sci-fi  and  films  ,  scarlet  red  painted  lips ,  insatiable  wanderlust,  muddy  doc-martins  and  goofy  thrift-store  sweaters  ,  feels  soothed  by  the  sound  of  thunder  ,  fluorescent  drug  store  signs  reflected  in  parking  lot  puddles  ,  angsty  conversations  on  rooftops  .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒗𝒊.  𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

uhhhh  so  i  have  wasted  all  my  brain  power  on  this  so  i  have  no  suggestions  i  can  come  up  with  at  the  moment  !  but  listen  feel  free  to  message  me  so  we  can  brain  storm  some  plot  ideas  i  promise  i  will  scream  and  cry  over  !

[totototooom]

First; of series of things why I hate myself.

So here I am, writing shit about how I hate myself. Actually, I’ve already tried to do this a couple of times but, you know, I’m a little too fucked up to right about something about myself especially if it isn’t a good one. I’m actually intoxicated by my favorite drink, Cuervo hahahahaha. Don’t actually know why I like this tequila but it’s just the drink that makes me feel comfortable on how intoxicated I am. Non\ matter how many drinks I have as long as it’s this, it’s actually good. Anyways I’m writing this blog because I wanted to read something about myself when I’m sober and sad and horny and all of that stuff and try to know if it will make me a little bit more sad or a little bit more bitter or a little bit more angry about myself. I just actually finished watching Bojack Horseman yesterday and I felt so empty after all the episodes I’ve been through. It was a hell of a ride finding a show with a lot of substance that can actually relate to yourself and think of your past, present and future self and what you need to do to make things right.

Let’s cut to the chase, I’m writing this blog right now to acknowledge that I’m bad and it won’t change unless I change it myself but before doing so, I should acknowledge also that everything I do and everything I did was because I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve love because of what I do. So in conclusion, no matter how “good” or “bad” you are, what you do is what makes you, there’s no “deep down” there’s just, you know, you. Everything that has happen to you and everything that made it worst is not because of the circumstances you are in but it’s just basically because of you. Your actions speaks louder than anything you might want to express through words. 

Before writing this, I was thinking of re watching all of to the episode of the Bojack Horseman and relate my current self to that of Bojack but honestly speaking it won’t be very easy and it’s actually tiring. Besides, after watching it full episodes, I realized that there’s not just a Bojack in all of us, there’s also Mr. Peanut Butter, Diane, Todd, Princess Carolyn and all of the characters that truly matters, we just don’t know it ourselves or we just neglect the fact the we, as a person are like those things. You know, it’s funny how we ended up seeing the world as fucked up as it is now but we don’t realize that we, ourselves are part of that fucked up world and the only thing we can do to change that is to change ourselves first before tryna change what others wants us to be. And here comes the Problem; people like me tries to think that everyone needs to be pleased and thinks that the only way to solve that is to be a “yes man”. I can’t say no to people and I can’t actually say no to anything at all, especially when they ask me of it as a favor but the truth is, I myself can’t cope up about myself, I am very stressed out of school, of my family and everything that gets me into a feeling that I need to be good or I need to be better. So, when I say yes and I did not do it well, instead of being pleased they get disappointed and it makes me feel like an asshole taking something that I, myself know can’t handle but still accepts just because of a fucking reason of validation. I should be invoking my realizations right now but this is a blog about how and why I hate myself so no.

People like me, keeps talking about how “pressured” we are into doing the things we love and end up not doing it because of what other people may think or what other look at me when I have not done it right. we focus on ourselves and not function well then later on tryna find something or someone to blame it to just to make us feel all better. And after all those times we will think of the “what ifs” of that scenario, what if we did better?, what if it hadn’t been this way?, what if I just did what I supposed to do and stop blaming every little details that have ever happened me? truth is nothing get’s easier, it never get’s easier.

The thing is, I hate being myself because I’m the oldest son, and the oldest son needs to do his best to be, you know, some kind of a super hero who his brother needs to look up to, he needs to be somewhat independent, brave, or smart, and most importantly, responsible. there is no room for mistake. Mistake is what makes you less confident and less of a person around your family when they need you most. At this kinds of scenarios, you need to be responsible for yourself, responsible for your own shits and responsible for your own happiness but me? I can’t even be responsible for my own dishes. it’s very pressuring and it feels like everyone’s looking at you expecting something big is gonna happen just because you’re you. I only got one brother and he never actually said anything nice to me, when I study or when I do something useful and shit and even when we play games. There’s always something that makes me thinks that my brother, would never ever say nice things to me or cheer me up or even praise me for things that I do because that is what my parents construct me to be. You know, like, he doesn’t praise me for doing good or so because it’s the proper action, and it’s what should be done, nothing more and nothing less but when I do something shit and awful he criticize me for the things I did. I can’t blame him and I can’t even blame myself for not blaming him thinking that way. I live in a family where I, as the oldest son, has to be responsible for my parents future wealth and if I did not grow up according to their standards, I would be a less of a person and I have not been raised right. 

One other thing, people like me tend to hurt other person’s feeling, physically, emotionally and mentally and have no shit about it. Leave people thinking that it’s just  another day for someone to be more stupid than they are already. Ruining someone else’s night and not have a bit of decency to feel a little bit crappy about themselves despite all the shitty things they said and done. Most people are already in a bad situation and tries their best to make a little less shitty about themselves but sometimes there are people who crosses the line and make other people feel more shitty about themselves. You know the worst part is? when you’re pretty and you’ve got influence on things and person.No matter how fucked up your actions and even thought how much it affects others, no matter how you hate someone because of something they did, and how horrible they may be despite the fact, they, themselves don’t know it, actually doesn’t matter. What just matters is validations and how well you put yourselves up on those kinds of situation. 

It really feel shitty knowing that I’ve hurt so many soul and I’ve been to very busy on fixing myself and having intimate relationship with people. Mind you, intimate doesn’t always means sex, it means having a deeper connection and having something common together. 

So to end this stuff, while I’m drunk and intoxicated and full of thoughts I should never be having, I really hate myself for being me, for being somewhat a narcissist doing bad stuff and regretting it after doing it. An asshole who thinks that the world revolves solely to cater his pleasures, I hate myself because I am born and I have not even the right to say I don’t want to bur who cares, I’m here and I’ responsible for my own decision so, that’s it. 

[michalwu]

Best of 2018 in TV

Another year passed and again I watched a lot of good quality tv. I think that although again it was very hard to choose my top 10 this year was a little bit less intense than previous. Still I had to do a short list of places 20-11 because I couldn’t resist not to mention a few more productions. That said remember I’m not a critic. I watch thinks I like not because I have to and this list is totally subjective though I tried to be fair. I watched over 50 series from 2018 and that’s the results:

20-11 (in random order)

The Affair (season 4), Atlanta (season 2), Homecoming, ACS: The Assassination of Gianni Versace, Killing Eve, One Day at the Time (season 2), Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Maniac (season 2), Legion (season 2), AHS: Apocalypse.

10. Anne with and E (season 2)

I never was a huge fan of the book as a kid but I read it as mandatory lecture in primary school. But I am a huge fan of this series. Beautiful placement of the plot plus very talented young cast with leading Amybeth. The best part of the story for me always was the dynamics of Anna's relationship with her adopted parents.

9. Patrick Melrose

What an absolutely outstanding trio of actors: Benedict Cumberbatch, Hugo Weaving and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Plus another young talent this year Seabstian Maltz who as a young Patrick is giving one of the most dramatic performence of the year. Creators did justice to the novel.

8. The Deuce (season 2)

This was one of the most enjoyable series this year. I love the period it shows and since the first season I started to develop a sympathy for all those characters especially for Candy. Too bad the series seems to be forgotten this year by critics. In my opion it came back in a lot better shape than last year. It’s funnier, it’s faster and the whole fuss around making porno adaptation of Red Riding Hood is just captivating.

7. Sharp Objects

Another great limited series and another proof of my love to the craftsmanship of brilliant Jean-Marc Vallée. The story from book was kinda predictable and tacky. But thanks to the director who is an expert of showing emotions and dilemmas from the past plus the cast of three great actresses made it into phenomenal work. I am really looking forward to see more projects from cooperation of Mr. Vallee and HBO because so far it brings only true treasures.

6. Barry

I was always a fan of Bill Harder on SNL and his (usually) small roles in comedies. So then I found out that he’s making his own show I kept my fingers crossed for the success. And the results are better than expected. Barry is a great combination of drama and comedy. It sound like things we see lately very often but Barry is the best mix of two this year (not to mention animated series). Why? Because drama is real (he’s a seriall killer with many very hard moral choices to make) and the comedy provided (mostly) by Henry Winkler is just a poor gold. Well done.

5. The Haunting of  Hill House

I’m not a big horror enthusiast but I do have a soft spot for those stories in classical form. And what’s more classic than beautiful, old, and huge haunted house. I fell in love with this series and it’s so much better than the previous movies. This one is actually very far from the original story written by Shirley Jackson but it capture the atmosphere the best. Separation of episode focusing on different from five siblings was a great idea. From non-believer to the most affected of the kids the story became more and more intense and scary. I honestly was scared almost the whole time. Still I tried to play with creators and watch for all  the hidden ghosts in the background. The secret of Bent Neck Lady was haunting me for a while and even after finishing the series it all stayed with me in my mind. This was my favorite new series of the year. I’d love to see it again in other form, maybe as anthology like AHS. With this cast yes please!

4. GLOW (season 2)

It’s so nice today that we can get such a smahing tv show this such a huge female cast. I love this series and those Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling since season 1. I always enjoy it when show or movie takes me to another peroid of time and GLOW blend us into into that reality of 80 like nothing else. We had so many exctiting things this season with Debbie becoming single mother after divorce, Sam Silvia trying himself as a father and the whole team becoiming more and more like a crazy family (recording of intro in the mall was amazing). In real life I’m not really intrested in wrestling (like at all) and though it probably differs a lot than reality I loved those duels bethween characters. Episode Mother of All Matches is one of the best in 2018.

3. BoJack Horseman (season 5)

Oh how I love this show and this character. And before anyone judge me I don’t love BoJack for being a walking disaster and misery. I love this character and many other on the show for the incredibly smart writing. He is a alcoholic, narcissus and washed-out tv star and that who he is. Just like Priness Caroline is an ambitious woman who will give up many things for career even if she know it won’t give her happines in the end. But that’s the greatest thing about this show and creators that they won’t change those characters and put them in unexpected positions just to get the wow factor from the viewers. They still find  a way to present those persons in fresh and captivating way but making it “in” the nature of the character. And that’s the fift season so congrats! And still we can count on them to give us some real gems like episode Free Churro which is a masterpiece of writing. The thing is this season of BoJack doesn’t stand out in specific way from other but it gives us the thing it always did and never disappoints - crazy rollercoaster ride.

2. Mozart in the Jungle (season 4)

When I said at the beginning that this list is totally subjective I meant it inter alia because of this series. Mozart IS my favorite tv series. I don’t know if the best but it always gave me the most joy when watching it adn that’s a pretty good determinant. Unfortunately I will have to start saying it WAS my favorite because Amazon cancelled series after this season. I’m still mad and disappointed because GoT is about to end so all platforms grab the money to invest in “next huge thing” (in case of Amazon it’s new Lord of the Ring..yeah we need it). But don’t get me wrong. I didn’t put Mozart this high because I’m mad and or to mark someone’s mistake. I just really loved this season. Placing the plot in Japan was bull’s-eye move. Rodrigo De Souza (favorite tv character next to Leslie Knope) as a boyfriend of Hailey was hilarious, a much as observing her way to become succesfull and independent artist. The scene when she debuts as conductor with piece “Hi” is maybe my favorite moment in whole season. Even stronger is her performence at the finale. Although I rooted for Hailey and Rodrigo as a couple I’m glad that creators didn’t go into cliche with their relationship. Another strong scene is the on at traditional tea ceremony. Of course as always the whole season was very firm from the music side (this series helped me to discover a little piece of classical music and I’m grateful for that). I will really miss this series. I think it could easily do another season especially now when creators decided to end this season in such an interesting place. Too bad...

1. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (season 2)

There’s nothing to explain... but I will ;) I compared all the series with each other and in my opinion there was nothing better that Mrs. Maisel this year. I enjoyed it last year but I didn’t even expected how much delight will it be to have it back. Visually it is the most beautiful thing in tv right now. And the writing as always is case of Amy Sherman-Palladino is just excellent. Those characters are so fast and wit it’s just a pleasure to observe them interact and discuss with much to many words and refrences than any normal person would use. And those actors really take it like a champs. All episodes in Paris was nice but it was nothing compre to Catskill where it felt like watching dirty dancing but with much better and more interesting story. I love the way Palladino direct her characters. How they develop especially Midge, her friendship with Susie and her realisation that stand-up comedy is not only the thing she want to do but it is something she will do for the rest of her life. Every time she stands in front of audience, camera or father himself she proves to be nailer and we as audience live for those moments! I really enjoyed see her parents in Paris as we could discover totally different side of them both and also new romance of Midge. But my favorite sequence of the season was Midge watching Lenny Bruce (Luke Kirby is so on point with this role) in last episode and realising it all (inconspicuous scene but made me waste a few tears). At the end I will add that I love the attitude towards the children presented in this series...irrational like many other things.

*******

Suming up in my list dominant are HBO and Netflix productions but in the end two first places go to Amazon.

Comapring with previous year there is no sign of Legion in top 10. Well season 2 was good, sometimes even great but not enough to get into the top. Beside there’s less new series on the list (seven in 2017, four this year) but we had some amazing comebacks.

I don’t have huge disappointments this year, maybe just a few. 1) Romanoffs were boring as hell and I really counted on Weiner. 2) Cancelling of many good series like Mozart in the Jungle or Daredevil. 3) Riverdale became so absurd that it beats and law of logic. I mean why it gotta be so intense?

[jondalars]

movies, tv shows, and books of 2019

((as before, * is a rewatch/reread; currently watching; can’t get through))

The Man in High Castle (s1)

Uprooted by Naomi Novik

Derry Girls (s1, s2)

A Series of Unfortunate Events (s3)

Zone One by Colson Whitehead

The Good Place (s3, s4)

A Simple Favor (2018)

You (s1 & *, s2)

The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

No County for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

The Other Boleyn Girl (2008) *

The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story (s2)

Nox by Anne Carson

FYRE: The Greatest Party That Never Happened (2019)

Picnic at Hanging Rock (s1)

Law & Order: SVU (s1, s6, s7, s19)

The Word by Irving Wallace

Abducted in Plain Sight (2017)

The Magicians (s4)

Roswell, New Mexico (s1)

Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart

Sharks in the Rivers by Ada Limon

Antigone by Sophokles trans. Anne Carson

Dangerous Beauty (1998)

Swiss Army Man (2016) *

Bright Dead Things by Ada Limon

Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris

Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)

The Lobster (2015) *

Damsel (2018)

Eros: The Bittersweet by Anne Carson

Surrogates (2009)

The Umbrella Academy (s1 & *)

Maine (2018)

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

Misfits (s1*, s2*)

The Favourite (2018)

Mary Queen of Scots (2018)

We the Living by Ayn Rand

The Inbetweeners (s1*, s2*, s3*)

Persuasion (2007)

Persuasion (1995)

Plainwater: Essays and Poetry by Anne Carson

My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) *

Troubling a Star by Madeleine L’Engle

Queer Eye (s3, s4)

Inherent Vice (2014)

Schitt’s Creek (s1, s2, s3, s4, s5)

Dead in a Week (Or Your Money Back) (2018)

Short Term 12 (2013) *

Saint Joan of Arc by Vita Sackville-West

Manchester by the Sea (2016) *

Isn’t It Romantic (2019)

Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead *

Love & Friendship (2016) *

Mother! (2017)

Colette (2018)

Anthem by Ayn Rand

The OA (s1*, s2)

Frostbite by Richelle Mead *

Game of Thones (s8)

The Case Against Adnan Syed (s1)

The Odyssey by Homer trans. Emily Wilson

Sula / Song of Solomon / Tar Baby by Toni Morrison

The Kings of Summer (2013)

Cherrybomb (2009)

Zimna wojna (2018)

Shadow Kiss by Richelle Mead *

Roswell (s1*, s2*)

Homecoming (2019)

Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour (2018)

Gerald’s Game (2017)

Blood Promise by Richelle Mead *

Wine Country 2019

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019)

mid90s (2018)

The Yellow Handkerchief (2008)

Beautiful Boy (2018)

Zombieland (2009) *

What If (2013) *

Death at a Funeral (2007)

The Society (s1)

The End of the F***ing World (s1*, s2)

Pride and Prejudice (1980)

The Crystal Castle by Mary Stewart

Fleabag (s1 & *, s2 & **)

Train to Busan (2016) *

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood *

John Wick (2014)

John Wick Chapter 2 (2017)

Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead *

Chernobyl (s1)

What We Do in the Shadows (s1)

Game Over, Man (2018)

Young Adult (2011) *

Welcome to the Rileys (2010) *

Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre

Dead to Me (s1)

Always be my Maybe (2019)

When They See Us (s1)

The Perfection (2018)

Good Omens (s1)

Chasing Happiness (2019)

Black Mirror (s5)

What a Girl Wants (2003) *

Ali Wong: Baby Cobra (2016)

Ali Wong: Hard Knock Wife (2018)

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson (s1 & *)

The Americans (s1, s2, s3, s4, s5, s6)

Murder Mystery (2019)

Somewhere in Time (1980)

Killing Eve (s2)

The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood *

Semiosis by Sue Burke

District 9 (2009) *

Oprah Winfrey Presents: When They See Us Now (2019)

The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History by Elizabeth Kolbert

The Box (2009)

Russian Doll (s1)

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

Knowing (2009)

The Hate U Give (2018)

The Case of the General’s Thumb by Andrey Kurkov

The Power by Naomi Alderman

Minority Report (2002) *

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018)

Airplane! (1980) *

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Swiped (2018)

Scare Tactics (s4)

The Week Of (2018)

The New Romantic (2018)

The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin

The Kissing Booth (2018)

The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson

Dark (s1*, s2)

Love, Rosie (2014) *

Suite Francaise (2014) *

P.S. I Love You (2007)

The Jane Austen Book Club (2007)

5 to 7 (2014)

Man Up (2015) *

The Clapper (2017)

Laggies (2014)

Penelope (2006) *

Little Italy (2018)

The Brothers Bloom (2008) *

Secret Obsession (2019)

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Full Fathom Five by Max Gladstone

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

Battlestar Galactica (s1*, s2*, s3*)

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess *

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger *

What the Living Do by Marie Howe *

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera *

Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh

Players by Don DeLillo

The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)

Crashing (s1 & *)

Booksmart (2019)

Us (2019)

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum  (2019)

High Life (2019)

Stalker (1979)

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater *

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

Skins (s1*, s2*, s3*, s4*, s5*, s6, s7*)

Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan

Plus One (2019)

Compliance (2012)

Love Alarm (s1)

Suicide Room (2011)

The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater *

A  Failed Performance: Short Plays & Scenes by Daniil Kharms trans. C Dylan Bassett and Emma Winsor Wood

The Boys (s1 & *)

Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays by Christa Wolf

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (2018)

Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy

Well-Intended Love (s1)

Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater *

1983 (s1)

Abyss (s1)

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer *

The Goldfinch (2019)

We Have Always Lived in the Castle (2019)

The I-Land (s1)

The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck

Hemlock Grove (s1*, s2*, s3)

Midsommar (2019)

Warm Bodies (2013) *

Submarine (2010) *

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater *

Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy *

Black Light by Kimberly King Parsons

When Death Takes Something from You Give It Back: Carl's Book by Naja Marie Aidt

The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa

We Cast a Shadow by Maurice Carlos Ruffin

After (2019)

Unbelievable (s1)

Sanditon (s1)

American Spy by Lauren Wilkinson

Some Freaks (2016)

The Last Czars (s1)

I Am Not an Easy Man (2018)

The Politician (s1)

Austenland (2013) *

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen *

Tall Girl (2019)

Superbad (2007) *

When We First Met (2018) *

Newness (2017)

Persuasion by Jane Austen *

Jenny Slate: Stage Fright (2019)

Charmed (s1*, s2*)

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer *

Will and Testament by Vigdis Hjorth

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez *

The King (2019)

The Crow (1994)

American History X (1998)

Brothers (2009) *

Let It Snow (2019)

Fire in Paradise (2019)

The Knight Before Christmas (2019)

The Great British Baking Show (s7)

Golden State by Ben H. Winters

A Doll’s House by Henrik Ibsen

Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011)

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte *

Dangerous Liaisons (1988)

His Dark Materials (s1)

Les affames (2017)

The Cell (2000)

Voices from Chernobyl: The Oral History of a Nuclear Disaster by Svetlana Alexievich

Boy Erased (2018)

Die Velle (2008)

Harold and Maude (1971) *

Late Night (2019)

The Report (2019)

Annihilation (2018) *

A Bigger Splash (2015)

Like Crazy (2011) *

A Dangerous Method (2011)

Severance by Ling Ma

Parasite (2019)

Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag

Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes

American Psycho (2000) *

Marriage Story (2019)

The Moviegoer by Walker Percy

Bojack Horseman (s6)

Knives Out (2019)

Miss Stevens (2016) *

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi

Ночной Дозор (2004)

My Suicide (2009)

The Witcher (s1)

Life with Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse

Strip Search (2004)

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (2018)

Look Away (2019)

Sucker Punch (2011)

Galaxy Quest (1999) *

Mystery Men (1999) *

Russian Ark (2002)

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn *

The Dirt (2019)

Eugene Onegin by Alexander Pushkin

Almost Famous (2000) *

Rocket Science (2007)

[iknownothingihearnothing]

BoJack Horseman: 5.2 The Dog Days Are Over

Kay, we ended episode 5.1 with the Goldfish Ladies doin’ their thang in BoJack’s pool. Aside: if their water ballet team isn’t called the Goldfish Ladies, I’ma be disappoint. 

Fish Fridays have gotta be like The Purge for these ladies. 

We also left off, at the tail end of the episode, with Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter. He was dropping her off at her new, um, let’s just call it “not a mansion in the Hollywoo Hills” after a trip and giving her a set of signed divorce papers. 

“Take *that*, our marriage!” she joked awkwardly before leaving. 

So, Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter are friendly but awks around each other. As tends to happen when exes who’ve seen each other nekkid many, many times try to stay friends with each other.

The episode starts with Diane crying in her car, mascara running down her face. She is wearing an outfit that is very unDianeish and she has cut her hair short. AKA the post-breakup haircut all girls know and eventually come to regret.

As poor Diane is cryin’ her eyes out over her canine ex-husband, uh, this happens:

This couple must be transplants from the underwater land BoJack went to for the premiere of Secretariat in season 3. 

Still crying, Diane heads to the airport and asks to be taken as far away from Los Ageless as possible. She demands this of the airport attendant, who is an emu. 

After the title sequence, Diane lands in Vietnam, and as she is walking through Hanoi, dodging people and reptiles alike (look, conspiracy theorists! lizard people!), Stefani calls, salivating for fresh content. Diane, if you remember, is a contributer at the website Girl Croosh, which I guess is a site for, like, everything. 

She promises to write something up from there, the article of which becomes the Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Travel To Vietnam 

I, personally, do not have ancestral roots with Vietnam...as far as I know. I took one of those Ancestry DNA tests a few weeks ago and am waiting on the results. As far as I know I could be 15 percent Tongan, which would be awesome. 

I should visit Germany. Or Austria. Or Russia. Those I know I have roots to. Really close roots. Munich-y roots. My dad’s side of the family were from a valley near the Caucasus Mountains. I am literally Caucasian. 

Sometimes, I don’t know whether to interested in the rich history or saddened and embarrassed at how white that is.

In VO, Diane explains that her family wasn’t much help in explaining to her where they came from when she was growing up, or their family history. We are shown a flashback of pre-teen Diane inquiring to her dad about just this, but he is busy with baseball. Likely a Red Sox game. Or a Red Fox game. 

Furthermore, many of the stores and billboards bear her last name.

I know. Many people in Vietnam share surnames. One of my friend’s last name is Nguyen. 

Everybody she passes, Diane continues, look like her (except the flamingo in the  nón lá hat).But then a woman bumps into her and speaks Vietnamese to her and she has no idea what she’s saying.

At the gorgeous (cartoon) hotel, Diane checks in just as a gang of American filmmakers bust in; they are filming a movie in the hotel. It stars Laura Linney as a recently divorced woman who comes to Vietnam to find herself.

So much for escaping the LA life. 

Diane puts on the dress she bought and the rice paddy hat but she still feels like a tourist.

Speaking of tourist--

Cut to Diane in her usual clothes plus the rice paddy hat appearing to take a selfie in front of the Thien Mu Pagoda.Then everything zooms out.

Pretending to be somewhere more awesome than where you actually are to make other people jealous of you on social media? The hell you say, that never happens!

Diane eats her chicken in the park when Mr. Peanutbutter calls, and, in his usual Mr. Peanutbutter way, inquires as to why she left his party early. He was gonna ask earlier but he was distracted by Todd getting his tongue stuck to the ice sculpture. Todd’s tongue swelled up, and Mr. Peanutbutter had to interfere between him and a mob boss when Todd started talking to him all muffled, the mob boss thinking he was making fun of his deaf sister.

Ya, don’t blame the mob boss.

She makes up an excuse about having a plane to catch to Vietnam while Mr. Peanutbutter literally catches his newspaper in his mouth like a good boy and he promises to pick her up like a good boy/ex-hubby. He is also glad that he is not paying for her phone bills anymore because that international call is gonna be bazongers

Wah wah wahhhhhh as joke falls flat.

In flashback, a still longhaired Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter, recently separated, are celebrating how friendly their separation is by having a divorce dinner. Their waitress turns out to be an excitable young pug by the name of Pickles and I need to call my next dog that. Not fit for a pug, tho. Maybe a dachshund.

She and Mr. Peanutbutter seem to hit it off right away, much to Diane’s annoyance. They both like water! And food scraps! And are full of boundless energy! Amazing! Diane just wants to know if he’s signed the divorce papers yet. Then suggests a housewarming party to curb his loneliness. 

Back in the Bojackverse present, a family of American tourists dressed in American flag shirts and polos mistake Diane for a Vietnamese citizen and talk to her like she’s an idiot.

Yup yup yup. Reminds me of the tourist from California who carved her initials into the Roman Colosseum and then took a selfie.  

I can go a few streets over and meet new people, Diane!

This is a bad reason to travel to Vietnam, Diane!

The internet exists, Diane!

At the hotel bar, Diane meets one of the only other Americans staying there, a dude working on Laura Linney’s movie about the recently divorced woman going to Vietnam to find herself. He appears to be a bald eagle, but we do not know that he is indeed bald because he is wearing a hat. 

He is likely bald, tho. 

I mean, unless people start fake tanning and fist-pumping there. Then I’d feel right at home.

In flashback, Diane hangs a painting of the gorgeous Te Huc Bridge at the Hoàn Kiếm Lake in her crappy new apartment just as BoJack stops by. While helping her move, he, in true blunt BoJack fashion, informs her that this place is a shithole and invites her to stay at his place for a bit. She likes the shithole though. It may be a shithole, but it is her shithole.

At Girl Croosh HQ, Stefani is signing a contract outside of their be-tented building. It seems that the “cockroaches at IT tried to unionize” so Stefani called an exterminator--ahem, “negotiator”. The exterminators, natch, are flies. She also requires that listicle from Diane of 5 Empowering Roles For Women Over 40 Who Would’ve Been Better Played By Jennifer Lawrence. 

Somehow, I predict that role opposite that (now 58) year old actor Maggie Gyllenhaal didn’t get because she was told she was “too old” to play his love interest at the shocking age of 37 will go to JLaw. She’s, like, 28 now! That’s almost thirty!

Still in flashback, Diane’s trying to get work done in her shithole when a pipe leaks and a stray cat meows and someone burps. She shows up at BoJack’s door intoning “I’m a sad, sad girl with a dirty apartment” as was the phrase agreed upon she needed to utter if she ever needed a space. 

Diane finishes her article there and has a glass of wine with BoJack before going back to her shithole. But it turns into...

Keep saying it, Diane. Maybe if you utter it enough times, it’ll actually come true! like the Darling kids shouting “I can fly!” 

Diane mumbles drunkenly how weird it is that they are both single at the same time. BoJack knows why he thinks it’s weird, but why does she? It is just weird, they can totally make out and it’d be okay. But that is gross because he’s BoJack and he’s gross and she’s getting a divorce and allowed to be mean. Then, just as BoJack is ruminating on the last time Diane stayed in the guest room, when he went to New Mexico *andtotallydidnothookupwithateenager* she passes out on the couch in a drunken stupor.

In all my years of seeing therapists, not once has any of them advised me to fly to the capital of Vietnam. 

Diane’s therapist also gossips about the non celebrities she sees. Including Demi who had a first husband named Bruce and a second named Ashton. And a client named Angelina J., who does not think of herself as an actress anymore.

An actress, a director, a humanitarian, a savior of all mankind, all in a painfully obvious attempt to keep the spotlight on her. 

Yeah, I am not much of a Jolie fan.

Diane meets American Bald Eagle working on the Laura Linney movie at the bar and helps him order a drink. He thinks she’s a Vietnamese citizen. They walk through Hanoi’s market area, he tells her about his life in America, thinking she cannot understand a word he is saying, and she kisses him.

I have no bloody idea how you tongue a dude with a beak. There must be some particular angling involved.

American Bald Eagle takes her to Ha Long Bay...the set. It’s actually a backdrop for the Laura Linney movie. American Bald Eagle is the executive grip on the crew. He is Very Important. Or so he claims. But then, as they are perplexedly kissing again, a klieg light falls beside them and Diane curses. In English. 

The jig is up!

Diane tries to defend her actions but American Bald Eagle ain’t havin’ it. She’s the bad guy here! 

Diane is NOT having it, y’all.

Oooh, mic drop!

Number 9 reason to go to Vietnam:

She worries that this is similar to reason #5, which is Get Out Of Your Natural Habitat, but it’s whatever. Diane is getting divorced, she is owed a whatever.

In flashback, Diane has just chopped off her hair and she is wearing a kick jumpsuit looking all fly ready for her ex’s party but when BoJack arrives and compliments her she flies off the handle a bit, accusing him of trying to take advantage of her when she is vulnerable. He sighs and leaves, telling her that Mr. Peanutbutter will love her new hair.

At the party, Todd is wearing what he always is and eyes the ice swan greedily. Yes, he will lick it tonight. Oh, yes he will.

Oh, Todd. You are a delight.

Diane wanders into the library that used to be hers (her Belle-room) and bumps into Mr. Peanutbutter dressed in a tuxedo shirt and what look to be electric blue plastic pants. Carrying a dog bowl full of nachos.

Mr. Peanutbutter mumbles that she looks good. The new haircut really brings out her...neck. It is all really awkward and uncomfortable and Mr. Peanutbutter quickly finds an excuse to greet someone else.

PC hugs Diane and cries that she saw the whole thing; she will be her rock as long as it does not interfere with being Mr. Peanutbutter’s rock because they are both her friends and it also cannot interfere with her work, which is keeping her very bizzay.

There are a lot of heartbreakingly awkward moments in this episode. I kinda sympathize with PC, though. It’s always a fragile position to be in, being a friend of both parties in a divorce. There’s a fine line you have to tread. 

In the present, Diane gets on a plane in Hanoi and calls BoJack to apologize for how shook she’s been post-divorce. She really just needs a friend right now. Get that, BoJack? A friend. 

No more yanky your wanky, BoJack.

Or maybe do.

On the plane, none other than Laura Linney sits down beside Diane.

After she gets over her initial star struck reaction, Diane asks her how her movie ends. Does Laura find herself in Vietnam? Well, yes. Literally. She finds her clone sleeping with her ex. And they team up to take down the government.

Someone call Alex Jones!

But those, Diane says in VO, are not the real reasons to go to Vietnam. The real reason is because you see your ex-husband kissing someone else at a party.

Mr. Peanutbutter picks Diane up from the airport, we are shown the uncomfortable exchange from the first episode in his car, and just as she is about to leave with the signed divorce papers, Mr. PB admits that he is seeing someone. Who is not her. 

Flashback to the party. PC is still rambling on about being supportive while talking on her phone about work related stuffs when Diane spots her ex and Pickles through a window. She kisses him, and, at first, Diane waves it off as just Mr. PB being drunk. Then, the golden retriever and the pug kiss more thoroughly, and poor Diane is crushed.

There. You can fully see the shock and heartache in her eyes, rendered perfectly through simple animation. Another reason why I heart this show so much. 

Because even though she left him, even though she knows she made the right choice, it still frigging HURTS. Like shards of glass pricking her heart.

The heart is an unreasonable muscle.

Diane spends the next few frames drifting through her days. At her shithole apartment. At BoJack’s. On the plane. Even in Vietnam. In VO, she tells us she had hoped the vacation would give her some perspective, but it doesn’t. When she returns, she feels worse than ever.

And that is okay. It’s okay to ache. It’s okay to be confused. When your heart is crushed, nothing makes sense.

So, back in the present, Diane takes a deep breath, smiles a little, and says--

Wow, that was a great episode! I mean, they are all great, but this one was particularly awesome. Took FOREVER to cap, tho. I loved the artistry of the animated Vietnam, how beautiful Ha Long Bay and the Pagoda looked even rendered in animation. The attention to detail is exquisite. 

The emotions were so real. When our hearts ache, whether it be after a horrible break up or a divorce or any kind of tragedy in our lives, we tend to be erratic like Diane was in this episode. We lash out at our friends. We try to doll ourselves up when we know we’re going to see ex boyfriends or girlfriends. We feel as if we’ve been stabbed when we glimpse them moving on when we cannot. Sometimes, we take unplanned trips. Or some of us spend a lot in lieu. I could not take such a trip as Diane took after the worst breakup of my life because I was in the middle of a semester...so I spent money at the local mall. Everything I earned. My paycheck was GONE as soon as I got it. I think I spent over a grand in one month alone. 

We find ways to cope. And eventually, we start on the road to becoming okay again.

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @stillscape work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

All my Riverdale fics are here, on Ao3.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m on the far side of 30 and I’ve had the same tumblr avatar since 2011. I gave up trying to pretend to be cool in my junior year of college, when I got drunk at a party and spent the rest of the evening yelling at people in iambic pentameter.

3. What do you never leave home without?

Just the usual boring stuff--wallet, keys, phone.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Kind of both, actually? Which is a problem, because I don’t do well on minimal sleep.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

I suppose Harry Potter, but only because I can’t think of a better answer.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met?

Anthony Hopkins?

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

Oh my god, so many. TV: Parks and Rec, obviously. Recently: GLOW, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, GoT, Better Call Saul, Fargo, BoJack Horseman...I watch a lot of TV.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

I don’t keep up, honestly. My iPod is perpetually full of late ‘60s/early ‘70s rock.

9. Favorite Books?

AS Byatt, Persuasion; Michael Chabon, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay; Margaret Atwood, Atlas Grace; Hanya Yanagahira, The People in the Trees; this list could go on for pages and pages so I’ll wind it down with my favorites from the Classics Shelf, Pride and Prejudice and Anna Karenina

10. Favorite Food?

The one thing I’ll almost never turn down is sharp white Cheddar cheese, so we’ll go with that.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

Noisy eaters.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

I wanted to be either Pablo Picasso or an astronaut. Neither of those quite worked out.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

I don’t think I have any strange fears. I’m averse to very large spiders and creepy deep sea creatures, but I’m not exactly afraid of either. I would just prefer to not look at them or be near them.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one thing you’d regret not doing?

I do hope I’ve published a book by the time I die.

Okay… let’s talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

I haven’t written all that many, but I’ll say all the roads we have to walk.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

Same answer. It’s really the only one that has a (long) plot, though.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for your fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

They usually just arrive in my brain. all the roads came from my desire to read a fic of Jughead also being at Betty’s internship, and I couldn’t find one, so I started writing it--but before I got to the starting point of that one, I wanted a detailed prequel that I couldn’t find, so I wrote that too.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I’ve been able to make most of my ideas work eventually. It just takes time and effort.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Hmm. There are a few moments I wish I’d written a little differently, but more in the sense that I didn’t choose the right words. I’m sticking by all the plot points I’ve written.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

For Riverdale, I think it’s the New Year’s Eve video call at the end of chapter 3 of for the life of me.

21.Favorite character to write?

All-time, it’s probably Ben Wyatt. But for this fandom, I enjoy Betty and Jughead equally. I feel like my favorite other character to write is Veronica, but I’ve barely written any Veronica--so Cheryl, maybe? Jughead’s mom has been a fun exercise, but since we haven’t actually seen her on the show, she feels almost like an OC to me.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

This is my favorite passage, I think, which is from Chapter 4 of for the life of me:

One day towards the end of January, as they stand up to leave the cafeteria after lunch, Betty Cooper fixes her eyes on him, squints, and tilts her head.

“Mustard?” he asks. He resists swiping at his face only because he’s holding a plastic tray of flabbergasting detritus.

(He hasn’t eaten anything with mustard on it.)

“No.”

“Then what?”

(Ketchup, crumbs, giant hole in his shirt, he’s bleeding profusely from an unknown orifice, he’s developed a second head?)

“I think you got taller,” she says, thoughtfully.

Huh.

“What, like since we sat down?”

Betty makes the noise he’s noticed her making a lot lately. It’s a little laugh that’s somewhere between a snort and a chuckle but is definitely neither one of those things, and he cannot figure out a single word to describe it.

“See you in English, Jug.”

She’s right, he realizes later. He’s only about two inches shorter than Archie now, instead of four.

And that’s all it is in the end. He’s not a black hole collapsing in on himself while consuming every object within his gravitational pull. He’s just having one cosmic-joke-level inconveniently timed growth spurt.

(Which Betty Cooper noticed before he did.)

But my favorite single line is this, from Kevin trying to convince Betty to buy a more adventurous wardrobe: “Fine.” He throws up his hands. “Be that way. Keep dressing like a permanent tribute to the 2012 J. Crew Easter collection.”

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

I always appreciate when people say something I’ve written has personally resonated with them, or given them all the feels, that kind of thing. I also love when someone points out a subtle detail that I wasn’t sure anyone was going to notice, since I generally try to live by the show-don’t-tell rule of storytelling. Or “I just found this and stayed up all night to binge the whole thing.”

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I don’t know that I’ve ever really gotten any. Sometimes I’ll get a comment and I can’t tell whether the author actually liked what I wrote, to which I usually just thank them for reading.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

Listen, literally every time I read anything over, I find at least three sentences I could have written better.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

Well, this is going to make me sound like a crazy person, but I once wrote a fairly epic one-shot RPF of the Parks and Rec fandom pulling off a jewel heist. It had about 30 people/characters (because Andy Dwyer and a few characters from VEEP also showed up), and it was completely insane, and I don’t think I’ll ever hit that level of magic again.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

General fiction: I just started Octavia Butler’s Seed novels. Fan fiction: I’m living for @lessoleilscouchants’ (my youth ain’t) tangled up in bad decisions, @onceuponamirror’s Heart Rise Above, @christah88’s Don’t Drink the (Maple) Water, and @cooperjones2020 Second City (as of this writing, I’m behind on reviewing those last three! I promise I will once I finish my chapter draft!)

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Just do it! But before you do it, do your very very best to have your spelling, grammar, and formatting tip-top, because getting those things wrong are often turnoffs for readers.

If you’re nervous about posting or getting constructive criticism, ask someone to beta for you. Most writers, me included, are honored to be asked to beta and will do it when we have the time.

Be involved in the fandom. Leave comments on other people’s stories. Leave friendly messages in other people’s tumblr inboxes! Write meta commentary for scenes or characters and post that.