#but in like. oh they both discovered they fall on the ace spectrum and then bond together as friends

[hellothepixel]

Teru helps Saiki with something he is struggling with and she helps him. And then he is like "well now I am in your debt" like remorsefully. And Teru says or things that for her she is paying her debt, she feels like he is constantly doing little things for her and even him just listening means a lot but she feels like she is not doing as much back. And then Saiki K realizing that he never felt like she owed him anything so the same should apply to her. And slowly like that they begin to heal. Idk how in character this is but the concept fascinates me

[adagioapassionato]

playlist focus…a-spec tunes!

Happy Ace Week! For this Ace Week, I wanted to make a special post of songs that I think speak to experiences on the a-spectrum. With just how hard it was to select my favourite ace-friendly songs, it’s clear there are not many songs a-spec folks can relate to, so I put together just a few for you all to enjoy with a little description for each. I tried to represent as many a-spec experiences as I could – for me, my ace and aro experiences are tied quite deeply together so a lot of the songs might represent both of these. Nonetheless, I hope you find some fun music that you can relate to from this post.

I think the ace/a-spec experience for me comprises a few different feelings, and I have chosen songs that represent each feeling for me. The first is a deep sense of confusion and maybe even dislike for the sex- and romance-obsessed society we live in. Wondering why everyone is so concerned with these things that we do not understand because we cannot really feel them, and wishing people did not keep expecting you to engage in something you don’t care about and aren’t interested in. The second is a sort of sadness and pain – these types of love and intimacy are so glorified that you wonder whether you’re missing out on something because you have never, and will never, feel this way – so do you truly feel anything at all? And lastly, (this might be specific to the aro-ace experience), is a sense of exhilaration when you discover and experience new types of attraction that you have not felt before, love that is truly unique to you but feels just as beautiful as the ideal described by society. And with that, let’s get into some a-spec songs!

1. Crush Culture by Conan Gray

Yes, a bit of a stereotypical first choice, but I had to bring it up as a certified Conan Gray fan! This song really represents the feeling of growing tired of hearing about crushes and romance, but at the same time, feeling somewhat lonely and jealous and wishing you could be part of it too. It’s a song that I feel accurately represents being sex-/romance-averse or -repulsed – wanting out from society’s obsession with “crush culture,” but still being constantly and annoyingly surrounded by it.

“I don’t care if I’m forever alone, I’m not falling for you,” “all this love is suffocating, just let me be sad and lonely…” – in school, having a crush, or being liked by someone, was always such a huge deal. I quickly learned that people loved talking about their crushes – it was a huge talking point, sharing about your crush made you friends. So, even though you may not even understand or care, one of the few ways you can ‘fit in’ and be social is to engage with crush culture – which you may not be able to do since you don’t feel that way. So, you’re shoved these things you don’t feel or care about constantly, told that you need to feel them and engage in them to be liked. You do feel lonely and left out watching everyone else engaging in “crush culture,” but you’d rather that than be part of this constant obsession with sex, romance and crushes because you dislike it so much and cannot even relate to it. You’re so “suffocated” by crush culture that you’d rather be lonely, sad, “forever alone,” than have to hear more about crushes, romance and love.

The bridge of the song perfectly expresses the frustration lots of a-spec people feel hearing romance and sex constantly spoken about around them: “Shut your damn mouth/you’re talking too loud/and no one cares if you two made out/oh, I’m sick of the kissing cult…” “Kissing cult” for me evoked these childhood games of ‘never have I ever’ or ‘truth or dare’ – a prime hub for “crush culture,” like sharing gossip about kissing, crushes and romance. When you don’t realise that it’s normal to not feel or want these things, you feel alienated and also just confused what the hype is – are you just “sad and lonely,” will you forever miss out, because you have never engaged in, understood or cared about crush culture? You just want to tune it out and have people stop going on and on about it.

No matter how you try to avoid it, crush culture finds you everywhere. A chorus sings the words “crush culture” in the background of the verses – it sounds almost like kids teasing someone about their crush in singsong voices. This shows how no matter how often you say you don’t have a crush and don’t care for “crush culture,” it continues to haunt you and hit you in the face. I personally remember trying to express to my classmates, who pestered me asking who my crush was, that I didn’t have one. But according to them, I “had to” have a crush – they didn’t even think it possible that I didn’t feel attracted to someone constantly! So, society continues to be obsessed with the idea that everyone feels, desires and needs romance or sex – whether or not they say they don’t care for it. Being surrounded by this constantly, especially at a young age, can create so much frustration that “crush culture” really does make you want to “spill your guts out.

2. We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Ella Eyre

I really love the sound and the message of this song – I feel like it accurately represents aces who feel romantic attraction. This song focuses on the emotional aspects of romance – quality time, knowing someone in and out and just enjoying a good time with someone you love, without having to be intimate: “We don’t have to take our clothes off/To have a good time/We could dance and party all night/And drink some cherry wine.” I love how this song subverts this expectation of needing intimate relations in a romantic relationship. Realising I was ace at a time when I still wanted romance was hard because I understood that most people thought sex was a requirement for a successful romantic relationship. But since it wasn’t something I ever wanted at all, would anyone want me? A lot of ace people can struggle with dating in the same way. This song speaks to our experience – “we don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time…” “If the conversation’s good vibes through and through” – that focuses on more emotional bonds than physical attraction. The song is very simply but powerfully constructed. I really like Ella Eyre’s low, emotional voice that’s allowed to shine on its own. Her voice really showcases her desire to connect emotionally with this person and form a relationship that goes beyond just sex.

3. SDL by Agust D

I’ve talked at length about SDL in my review of D-Day, but it spoke to me as an aspec person and so I thought I’d bring it up again! SDL focuses on how difficult it is to define ‘love,’ and from an aspec perspective, could show how we reflect on past relationships and experiences of attraction in trying to understand how we experience the all-pervasive “love” that’s so important to society today.

First, SDL tries to define love with extreme emotions – “Who do you smile for? Who do you cry for? Could this be love?” Seeing dramatised descriptions of ‘love’ in media, through extreme emotions like crying over someone, making huge sacrifices for love, and so on – we tend to wonder what love really is, and whether we feel it at all, since our experience may not match with these deep and extreme feelings. The song recognizes how glorified the word ‘love’ has become: “Thanks to the grandeur of the word love/What is easily forgotten is called love.” Aspecs can feel like this obsession with sex and romance is overhyped – it seems grandiose, glorified and unreachable, especially since most of what we understand of it comes from media. There are so many expectations surrounding it and it’s given so much precedence and value – almost as though experiencing and finding such love is what makes life worth living at all. We spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we don’t feel this grand, moving feeling of romantic or sexual love, and whether we’re broken or missing out on something. In doing this, though, we forget about the various other kinds of love that we do feel, that make our experience of attraction and love whole and perfect anyway.

I think the song also accurately represents the experience of questioning your a-spec identity – looking back at past relationships and wondering whether you really felt “love,” or something else entirely. “Somebody does love/But I’m thinking about you…” – Yoongi compares this so-called “love,” and he thinks about the feelings he experienced, which don’t seem to align with traditional romantic or sexual love. Questioning whether you’re on the a-spectrum often involves the similar experience of re-analysing your past relationships and realising that your experience of attraction is different – you’ve been mistaking ‘sexual’ or ‘romantic’ love for something else entirely. You end up questioning the life you’d envisioned for yourself – many of us think about marriage or relationships because we’re told we are supposed to want those things. You wonder if you truly miss or desire these relationships, or just the memory or idea of love that you’re taught is so valuable – “Is it you that you miss/Or is it that time on the other side of the glorified memory?”

The song has a bright and gentle feel, so while it really deeply speaks to my experience, it is also very comforting and like a calm reflection on questioning your a-spec identity. In some way, it holds up a mirror to our experiences while also telling us that what we feel is valid. The rest of the song focuses on how relationships and love can be fleeting and difficult to understand and maintain – so there’s no point hanging on to the glorified ideals of love. Loving the small and trivial things is just as valid and wonderful, and so Yoongi truly speaks to the a-spec experience with this song

4. People Watching by Conan Gray

I know this might be a slightly unconventional choice, but I think this is the song that truly encapsulates my entire experience as an a-spec person. On the surface, the song is just about feeling ‘single’ or wanting to experience romantic love, but I associate it with a time where I was ace and desired romance, but also with realising I am arospec and trying to accept that I wasn’t exactly looking for romance.

The song opens with describing a couple’s interactions with one another – “They met in class for metaphysical philosophy/He tells his friends ‘I like her cause she’s so much smarter than me’/They’re having talks about their futures until 4 AM/And I’m happy for them.” This shows how we see and desire romantic experiences so much – to us, they may look beautiful and desirable, and we’re even happy for those experiencing them. But at the same time, Conan sings “I’m happy for them” with a slight bitterness in his tone – some part of us wonders why not me experiencing these things, why not me able to feel something so wonderful?

The chorus is so special and hard-hitting for me. “I wanna feel all that love and emotion/Be that attached to the person I’m holding…” I relate to this so much because at one time, I wanted to experience romance too, but I worried I wouldn’t be able to find someone that would accept me that way because I’m ace. Later I realised I’m on the aromantic spectrum. I still desired the idea of romance, but I didn’t really feel that kind of attraction – I wanted to be “that attached” to someone, I wanted my emotions to be enough so that I could experience the romance that I’m told is such a beautiful and life-changing experience. But turns out, “for now, I’m only people watching…” I’m watching romance surround me as I struggle to accept my identities, and simply wishing that one day I’ll feel that way too.

Recognising your a-spec identity can be a bit disillusioning. Conan recognises this when he says “I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence/Next one I choose to trust I hope I use some common sense.” We do dream of experiencing love at first sight, one-night stands, or these other tropes that we hear so much about and seem so wonderful and amazing. But as we realise our identities, it becomes clear that that cliched stuff isn’t going to work out for us. With the way the world is obsessed with sex and romance and even sees it as a requirement in relationships, people who experience these things differently or not at all won’t fit these conventional tropes. So, we have to accept that love and romance might look a little different for us, and we need to be careful what we expect when seeking out partnership.

My favourite line in the song comes up at the end of the bridge. Conan sings this line in an interesting way – it’s unclear whether he says, “I feel love emotion” or “I feel no emotion.” I really love this because I’ve felt both ways at different stages in my journey of accepting I’m a-spec. Upon just recognizing my identity, I felt as though “I feel no emotion” – that I’m heartless, loveless, and feel nothing because I cannot experience these feelings. But as I’m growing closer to accepting myself, I realise I do feel “love emotion” too – I just experience it differently, and in different forms, which are just as valid!

5. Kalmia Kid by chloe moriondo

This is a sweet and simple song that I ended up rediscovering while writing this post. I feel like it really encapsulates the experience of questioning and sifting through the various different labels that are common in the aspec circles, and feeling like nothing really fits your experience.

Chloe sings, “Feelings are hard to ignore/especially when you don’t know what they’re for…” This really relates to the experience of trying to identify what kind of attraction you’re feeling. It can be so confusing – you have feelings, but you don’t know what to do with them, you don’t know what they’re for or what they mean, and yet you can’t ignore them. They just keep bothering you as you get further into your head trying to figure out what it is you’re actually feeling.

The verses of this song seem to describe trying to identify with different labels, but feeling like nothing fits. They open with – “It’s lonely in the forest that I grow in/I wish I could dive into the sea” then, “it’s lonely in the coral reef I float in…” You think you relate to one label – “I guess the weather’s warm enough to bear,” “I guess the water’s warm enough to bear/and I never have to wash or dry my hair.” But you then see another one and think maybe that one will fit better, more accurately – you feel lonely with your current one and want to “dive into” using a new one. You’re just “bearing” with your current label – it sort of fits, but every new one you discover seems to fit your experience better, that is, until you discover where it falls short too. I know I and definitely other aspecs can struggle learning about all the different labels and attractions that exist. While they can help you to describe your identity better, it can also be a bit overwhelming when you’re not really sure where you fall on the spectrum and what accurately describes your experience. It can even feel like you don’t fit anywhere at all.

The chorus is filled with a somewhat sweet sadness – “If the only love I’ll feel is for bumblebees/that’s fine with me/that’s fine with me/And if I’ll only ever dance with pine trees/That’s fine with me/That’s fine with me.” It accurately describes feeling a bit disappointed that you’ll never be able to experience strong sexual or romantic love, but trying to accept the other kinds of love that you do feel. I love how the tone of these lyrics describes the dilemma between feeling like you’re missing out on important feelings, but also trying to love the confusing yet new and exciting identity that you have just discovered!

6. What Was I Made For? by Billie Eilish

This is another slightly unconventional choice, but it was a song that came to my mind when I was struggling to accept being arospec and ace.

When you’re on the a-spectrum, it’s really common for people to think you’re inhuman, unfeeling or robotic. This, coupled with struggling to understand your own feelings for others, can be really confusing and gives an entirely new meaning to the lines “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try.” On the one hand, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try” – being ace can make you feel like you don’t do “feeling” right, you don’t feel emotions in the right way. However, you so desperately wish you could – you can feel like you wish you weren’t ace, or that you did feel sexual attraction so that you could be “normal” and know how to feel the same things everyone else does. On the other, “I don’t know how to feel, but I wanna try” – when you give in to aphobic messaging, being aspec can make you feel like you’re robotic or inhumane because you don’t experience attraction conventionally. You don’t know how to behave like others, how to feel like them – so maybe you don’t know how to feel anything at all. But you don’t want to be someone so inhuman that they don’t even know how to feel – you want to try and feel these things that seem so wonderful and important to making life beautiful.

I’ve mentioned how realising you’re a-spec forces you to confront the fact that your life may not pan out the way you planned before you discovered your identity. So, you ask – “what was I made for?” You’re told all your life that one day, you’ll find “the one,” that people are “made for” each other to find and have one consistent love that lasts forever. However, you’ve never felt that about anyone – so were you “made for” anyone at all? Were you “made for” experiencing this everlasting love, because you can’t ever seem to feel it? You end up feeling really disillusioned when you realise you won’t experience the glorious “one true love” that everyone seems to suggest is what makes life worth living. Billie’s emotional voice, which sounds almost tearful at the chorus, really stirs these emotions in my heart. It can be really hard to try and confront that maybe your life won’t be exactly what you envisioned – what you thought you were “made for” isn’t what you’re actually “made for.”

7. A Long Dream by SE SO NEON

I’ve talked about this song before too, but I want to explain why I resonate so much with it! It’s a song about discovering a growing attachment to a person – its lyrics break the boundaries between different kinds of attraction. It’s not clear whether the bond described here is platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, or something else entirely – it just shows that the singer is attached to someone, feels happy around them, and enjoys this feeling. I really love that it’s open to interpretation in that way, especially as I’ve often struggled to label and identify different types of attraction. Just thinking that I enjoy someone’s company and they make me happy, and enjoying feeling the way I feel about them – takes some of the pressure off trying to figure out ‘what’ I’m feeling!

Both verses feature the lyric “at some point I had changed a bit.” This shows that you’re experiencing a new kind of attraction to someone – a change in your heart and mind. It’s a realisation that this feeling is unlike anything you’ve ever felt, and feeling it feels like a change within your very being. At the same time, it can mean that recognising your identity as an aspec person can help you understand that your perception of yourself has also changed such that you can identify these new types of attraction. The realisation that this feeling is different, but interesting, is also shown in the lyrics – “the heart inside me got curious about you a little bit…” “it’s a bit strange I want to stop time like this for a while.” We’re conditioned to understand certain types of attraction (romantic, platonic, etc.) in certain ways – so I love how this implies that your feelings are somewhat taking you by surprise. You realise they’re different, you aren’t sure what they are, but at the same time, you enjoy it and want to go along with what you’re feeling.

The lyrics of the chorus are unconventional and kind of weird to hear at the first go – “I want to shoot a movie with you/Hold your hand, and walk, run, fly with you…” You wouldn’t normally say you want to “shoot a movie” with someone you love, but it’s really such a sweet sentiment – it conveys wanting to capture every moment with someone, wanting it to be beautiful and picturesque like a movie, which is what being with them feels like. These unconventional lyrics seem to mirror the unconventional ways aspec people experience attraction and partnership in their lives too! Soyoon also sings, “I can change the world to be with you,” which also seems to be about breaking the bounds of attraction. It’s as though she says, “I want to be with you, I don’t care to categorise what I’m feeling by societal standards. I want to change those conventions and labels imposed by ‘the world,’ forsake them all so I can feel these beautiful feelings and be with you!”

This song’s bright sound and sweet lyrics that are completely open to interpretation have a unique way of instantly sparking so much joy in my heart. I really love listening to it and watching it played live was even better – it makes us feel connected by the bonds we share simply cherishing each other as humans, regardless of conventional relationship structures or attractions

8. My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski and

9. love. by wave to earth

I truly fell in love with My Love Mine All Mine the minute I heard it. The first time I heard the lyrics “my love is mine, all mine…,” I thought of “my love” as referring not to a special person, but to love itself: “my love,” that is, the love I hold in my heart and feel towards the world. I was pleasantly surprised to hear Mitski confirm this in her Genius interview too and felt even more connected to it!

I love how the first verse and the chorus together show that while everything in the world is fleeting, the feeling of love that’s unique to you will always outlast everything: “Moon, tell me if I could/Send up my heart to you/So when I die, which I must do/Could it shine down here with you?/Cause my love is mine all mine.” You may die, but your unique way of loving will always leave an impression on those who receive it – it’ll shine on beautifully like the moon.

My Love Mine All Mine shows that the love you feel is yours and yours alone. The way you experience it is unique to you – even if you don’t identify with certain kinds of love, that’s an experience unique to you that will stay with you forever. It’ll fill up your heart in a special way only you can feel, and it’ll outlast you in the people you’ve shared it with in a unique way that only your presence can elicit. We as a-specs get so caught up in wondering what love we’re feeling, if we don’t feel enough love, if people won’t understand and accept us for experiencing love differently or not at all – this song denounces all of those questions to say that your love is yours alone to share, give, feel and understand. It’s an experience that’s your very own, and that in itself makes it enough, whole, complete and valuable! This beautiful message made me feel so content and valid in my own identity.

I associate this song with love. by wave to earth as well, which I’ve also talked about before. This song is equally beautiful at showing how love is a unique but valuable experience. It shows how love can be confusing and cause a shift in your very being, describing it as “a small wave in my small heart” that “breaks, hardens and melts.” Many notes are flat with an unexpected pitch, but sound beautiful and harmonious with the rest of the song, showing that love is imperfect, and yet, with it, “finally our world is perfect,” and we can “see [our] eternity.” Thus, much like Mitski, wave to earth describe love as imperfect and confusing, as it so often is to aspecs, but yet, it is ours alone to feel, and it is our unique experience of it, no matter what that is to us, that can make our world feel perfect!

I hope these songs validate your aspec identity a little more – and are a great soundtrack for this Ace Week! It was a bit hard to write this post as I worried about representing as many people on the a-spectrum as I could – but after all, I’m just one person and what I can speak of best is my own experience. However, whatever you experience as an asexual/a-spec person is valid and wonderful, and you are a valuable part of this community! I hope this post could bring a little more of that community to you. I compiled a longer playlist featuring some other songs about platonic attraction and other a-spec feelings that you can find linked below! [hyperlink] Thanks for reading and Happy Ace Week!

playlist:

Spotify

Youtube Music

References:

SDL

A Long Dream

[mxanigel]

impulsive OC interview

"Interviewer": Thanks for taking the time to chat with me today.

Shion: This is silly. You realize this is silly, right?

Yes.

All right. Just making sure.

So let's dive right in. How do you feel about being pregnant?

Oh, you're starting there. It's honestly not something I wanted. I've never seen myself as a mother. You know full well why.

*coughs*

A n y w a y. Just because I've never desired it doesn't mean I'm opposed to it. Though did you have to pick those particular circumstances?

Which ones, specifically?

That might be the worst possible time for Levi to discover that he's going to be a father.

Perhaps, but would you want to raise this child any earlier?

*pauses* You have a point. However, he might have liked it to happen earlier.

In the middle of a war?

All right, perhaps not. Were you going somewhere with these questions?

You derailed the interview by asking your own.

That makes it a conversation, doesn't it? And you enjoy conversations.

True. I did want to ask about the child's name. Why Petra Zoë Ackerman?

All three of us care deeply about remembering those we've lost, and we all knew Petra. Though I didn't know her for as long, she was essential to me fitting in despite being an outsider. I didn't realize it at the time, but she helped me remember how to make friends, how to open up to others. Perhaps I would've eventually been honest with Hange and vulnerable with Levi, but perhaps not given how much shit hit the fan starting with the disastrous 57th Expedition.

Whoa. I didn't realize that.

Why does this not surprise me? *laughs* At this rate, you should've called the fic "Where Did This Come From?" rather than "Cut to the Feeling."

Ouch.

As for the rest of our daughter's name, it includes Ackerman for what I hope are obvious reasons, and I insisted on Zoë because Hange is as much her parent as myself or Levi. And that's plenty for one little girl. I didn't need to burden her with my last name as well.

That's so cute~

I'm glad you think so. Though that comment means I need to remind you just how damned silly this exercise is.

Sure. Just roll with it for me, please?

Fine. What else do you want to know?

The three of you fall in varied places along the ace spectrum. How do you feel about, you know, sleeping with them?

*chuckles* For someone who writes smut, you sure like to be coy with questions like these.

Shush.

On the surface, it may seem strange, right? People should want sex to have sex. And I do. Occasionally. For me, there's a gap of sorts between the "attraction" part and the "having sex" part. In general, I don't feel sexually attracted to other people -- I see a person, they're a person, perhaps a gorgeous person, yet sex just isn't part of the equation. Raunchy jokes and conversations aside, sexual thoughts often don't occur to me in situations others might see as inherently sexual. For example, sleeping next to Levi is one of my favorite things in the world, but that's because we're vulnerable when we're sleeping, and him being comfortable with me at his side in such circumstances brings me so much joy. I'm so happy he's amenable to snuggling.

But back to your question. If I'm going to have sex, I need to be in love with that person first. And I'm in love with Levi. So sleeping with him in the not-literal sense appeals to me, assuming I'm up for sex in that moment. The same goes for Hange, though sorting out those feelings takes a while. But you already knew that.

Hey, OT3s are new to both of us.

I'm not sure whether I should berate you or thank you for being your guinea pig here.

How do you even know what a guinea pig is?

What, you think we don't have pets within the Walls?

I hadn't considered it before. Okay, this feels like a good place to stop.

Here? Not earlier? *laughs*

Thanks for playing along, Shion.

Sure. But I recommend against making a habit of this.

I don't plan to!

[brain-n-body-in-disarray]

(I don't know if my response is what you're looking for, but I'd like to share anyway)

First of all, I'm not "bisexual". I call myself either bi or biromantic as I'm also ace. Actually, when I first found about bisexuality, way before I realised that I was ace (I didn't know a thing about asexuality then, or the split attraction model), I disliked the word "bisexual" but didn't know why, that's why I used the shortened version "bi". That's what I still call myself.

For the longest time I didn't know one could be anything other than straight or gay. Knowing that I could be attracted by both boys and girls, that is was a thing, was mind-blowing. I actually remember being about 5 and questioning my orientation and I kept questioning til way unto my teens. I really thought I had to choose. That's one of the reasons why this label is so important to me, because that's the first time I felt real.

About "choosing"... The first time I heard the word "bisexual", it was from my mom. I don't know what we were talking about. She was driving me to middleschool I think. Or maybe I was already in my first year of highschool? I'm not sure. Anyway, she uttered this strange word, and for less than a minute everything felt right. I had so much hope, I almost cried there and then. But my mom had to ruin it by telling me that "bisexuals are doomed to be unhappy because they can't have both at the same time. They have to chose one or the other gender." And oh gosh that hurt. I didn't want to be unhappy. What she was telling didn't seem right though but I didn't know how to articulate that. So I stayed silent. For years. I was 20 when I came out aloud for the first time. "I have something to tell you but I'm scared you won't want a relationship with me after you know. I'm bi." That's how I came out to my boyfriend, the first person I ever dated (the only one too, and I'm 32). And all of that, that one of the reason calling myself bi is so important to me. Because I felt like I've been robbed of that by my mom who, though she was well meaning, was also deeply misinformed. And that's not just about her, it's about our society. Being openly bi (even in a "straight-looking" relationship) is kind of a political statement. There's still too many people that think we do not exist, that we're confused. There's still too many people that have misconceptions about us. When I say "I'm bi" I mean that's what being bi can look like. (Because we take many forms and the more of us visible, the more examples uninformed people will have)

I came a long way since I first heard the word. I discovered so much about the lgbtqia+ community, the different identities and labels, our history too. I found out I'm ace and nonbinary and probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum (I'm still bi though). I collected so many labels that sometime it feels too much, so I often just say I'm queer, but I still use more specific labels when I need to. I'm so many things but all of them are me. There are the bricks that build me. Being bi is my foundation though. It's kind of special to me.

I've discovered so many identities. And I questionned myself so many times, I thought about using different labels about my romantic orientation. I figured it wasn't just about "girls and boys". It's every genders. I fall for people, for who they are. I could have used another word. But in the end I decided that I like being "bi". It's who I am.

And honestly it makes thing easier. Because people know about that, they understand it better than other labels. And yes, using lesser known labels is great, making them visible and all that. But with all these labels I collected for myself, I already feel like I have to do a Ted talk everytime I come out. Using terms that are kind of self-explanatory makes things a lot easier for me.

Anyway, there's no simple reason for me to call myself bi. It's partly who I am and partly who I want to be. It's barely two letters long but the impact this word had on my life is huge. There's so much power in it. That's the thing about labels. Not everyone want them and that's okay, but us who want them, need them, they can change the course of our lives, and the way we perceive ourselves, how the world perceive us. Sometimes their are tools, sometimes they are truths, sometimes they are parts of our souls. But they matter.

That's what being bi means to me.

(Note: I'm French and have lived in France my whole life. I think it's note-worthy bc it might impact my views)

CALLING ALL BISEXUALS!

we are writing a zine about bisexuality and wanted to poll some other bisexuals about why we use the term!

what does bisexuality mean to you? why do you use the term? what calls you in specific to bisexuality over other terms?

you can answer these questions however you like, replies to this post, reblogs with comments/tags and asks will work best, thank you! replies that are selected will be included in our zine anonymously!

[r-worlds-blog]

Am I on the ace spectrum?

So we’re back again with the sexuality confusion. I’m lowkey tired of finding things about myself, but then again it’s better than finding out about those things in my 30s or never finding them at and thinking I’m broken.

Every time I face some uncertainties about my sexuality or gender identity I always do some research and take some notes about things I relate with and organize my thoughts in ways I understand. If you guys knew the number of sticky notes that are everywhere on my wall, on the floor, in my trash can. I throw them all away in case my parents decided to go into my room for god knows why and find it.

When I looked at the definition of asexual on google it said “Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof”. When you read this you may think ‘ oh this is so straight forward hahahahaha I am not asexual lol” but then I decided to go on youtube and have some actual asexual talk about asexuality and what it means to them and many other people. When I did that I was flabbergasted because it was an “oh fuck” moment. I was, and still am, confused about whether or not I am on the asexual spectrum or not.

I started questioning if I was on the ace spectrum when I found out about aromanticism and discovered I am indeed aromantic. I decided to not think about it because honestly, I am so tired of identity crises every three to five business days. I found out that I am on the spectrum but it is such a wide spectrum, that I don’t know where because there are so many labels that fall under the umbrella.

But then again, sometimes I think what if I am just not ready for sex and that’s the reason why I think I might be ace, but also I was never really interested in sex, sure I read plenty of fanfictions and sometimes the books I read have sex stuff in stuff but I never imagined myself having sex with an actual person. Even when I was dating my ex-girlfriend.

To try and learn even more about this I decided to read Loveless by Alice Oseman. She is an aroace author who wrote about someone finding out they are aroace. While reading that book I realized that there are so many things I relate to. The main character, Georgia, had talked about she also has read many fanfics a lot of things with sex in it and figured that one day eventually it will happen. But what truly hit me in that book was when Georgia was asked if when she jerks off she imagines someone with her and I said ‘ no that’s gross who does that’ and then Georgia also says no and we both discover that most people do think of themselves with people when they jerk off or whatever.

There’s the problem that I like kisses like I love them, I love being held by my friends, I can be very cuddly sometimes but also extremely disgusted by people that try to get close to me. At first, I thought I could not be ace because I like making out with the partners I’ve had, and cuddles mostly with my best friend (actually only with my best friend) and to me, those things are sexual, and google said “ Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.” so that throws me off completely because at the time I had no real idea what asexuality was and how wide of a spectrum it is.

When I was dating my ex-girlfriend I really liked kissing her but I was never comfortable with going further. I was fine with giving her what she wanted but I could never bring myself to let her go down on me because It’s not that I didn’t feel ready or scared, I simply did not want to do that and It’s kind of gross to me. But as I said before I’m denial’s bitch.

During my research, I found out that thinking someone is conventionally attractive or pleasing to your eyes is not sexual attraction. Like, EXCUSE ME??????? All of my so-called crushes were just me thinking wow that girl has good genes. Am I even a lesbian then? I learned about all of the different types of attraction and found out that the way I find people attractive is the same I find my books attractive. And no, I don’t want to have sex with my books.

It’s kind of difficult for me to admit those things because my whole life I have been raised in a way that told me that I will fall in love, have sex, have kids and my life will be great because I’ll be married and that is when I’ll know that I have made it in life. That my life will have worth. That I won’t die alone and sad and bitter with 67 cats. The way my parents, the media had shown me what made my life worth it, has made it so difficult for me to break out of those chains because in a way, even though I hate to admit it, I am a people pleaser and I care what people think of me. I’m scared of how people will react and sometimes I avoid saying I’m aromantic or I’m non-binary. It’s not because I’m ashamed of who I am but I’m scared of how people would react to me admitting those things. I spend my life leaving in the shadow because the truth is I’m the biggest coward out there.

I know this doesn’t necessarily mean anything but I keep thinking that I like kissing so I can’t be completely ace but I am somewhere there. I just need to figure out where that is. I hate labels but I like being a part of something. Gosh, Robin, you’re a mess huh.

I’m still confused, I don’t want to put a label on it but that label will tell me a part of who I am. I know that nothing necessarily has to change but I can’t help but think someone will find out and they will tell my parents and my life will be an even bigger shitshow… I know they won’t love me (well that’s debatable because they probably already hate me but they’ll have more reasons ) anymore. I don’t think I can live with that disappointed look on their face for the rest of my life. I know that if they don’t accept me they will be the ones losing but as much as I want to believe I can’t stop craving their approval.

Stay safe and sane,

Robin.

[victorluvsalice]

The Return of Ship Name Silliness

So! Anyone remember this particular post of mine: Ship Name Silliness? I’m guessing not, as it’s from late 2017 and thus about four-and-a-half years old at this point.The short version is that I made it when I came up with the name for my Victor/Alice/Victoria/Emily foursome ship, Vemilicia, and it covered both that and pretty much every combination of the four that I could come up with. Well, I looked it up recently (because I was like “I think I used the wrong ship name on that post about OT3s and everyone’s respective roles for Victor/Victoria/Emily”), and I have decided to make a sequel to the nonsense because -- well, I have a lot more poly ships featuring a lot more characters these days! So, without further ado, here are the ships that I currently have for Victor/Alice universes:

Featuring Victor and Alice themselves:

Valice -- Obviously, the core ship of Victor/Alice, present in most of my fics! A requirement for these universes, I think you will agree. (Don’t point at “Londerland Bloodlines,” it’s coming!) I’m reasonably certain that @danydarkly is the originator of this name, and I liked it so much I adopted it as the “official” ship name.

Vemilicia -- The poly ship that inspired the first post, as above -- Victor/Alice/Victoria/Emily. I was an OT3 shipper for the main Corpse Bride trio before getting into Valice, so combining the two ships was probably inevitable. :p So far, my only major fic for it is “The Technicolor Phase,” but “Londerland Bloodlines” is eventually going to go in that direction too.

(Oh, and since I just mentioned the CB OT3 -- yes, I did originally use the wrong ship name in the OT3 post linked above. As seen below, I intended “Vemilia” for just Victoria/Emily. The one I came up for Victor/Victoria/Emily was Vemiglot -- a combination of “Vemily” (Victor/Emily) and “Everglot” (Victoria’s last name, because her and Victor’s first names are too similar to use together). Though, now that Emily has a semi-canonical last name from that old script that went around a while back, “Merrimack,” you could also do Everdortmack (combining it with the standard Victor/Victoria “Everdort” name).)

Cuddlepile -- Previously my biggest poly ship, and the first without a portmanteau name -- it’s Victor/Alice/Victoria/Emily/Christopher/Richard, aka “the main Vemilicia ship plus the two versions of The White Knight and The Hatter that I’ve shipped Victoria and Emily with before (see below).” I came up with this one while doing various sexual orientation headcanons for my characters after discovering and liking the “Alice is ace/on the ace spectrum” tumblr posts from a few years back, and it’s persisted ever since. This is specifically a Modern AU set during everyone’s college years -- Christopher White is an inventor who is interested in food science (referencing the White Knight’s infamous gunpowder pudding) and Richard Hatter is an agender master of prosthetic limbs (both xe and Emily use them in this verse thanks to various accidents, and of course it references how the AMA Hatter is mostly steampunk robot these days). It features most prominently on my RP blog, @thevalicemultiverse.

Queer Apocalypse -- One of the newer kids on the block, my second foursome ship and another I couldn’t think of a good portmanteau for -- this is Victor/Alice/Preston/Piper, the latter two being specifically Preston Garvey and Piper Wright from Fallout 4. As you might imagine, this is specific to my “Fallout of Darkness” universe. :p Basically what happened here is I fell in love with both of these companions on my first attempt at a playthrough of FO4, and decided that Victor (who is bisexual in my headcanons) could fall in love with them too. Preston’s just such a genuinely good guy, and Piper has exactly the kind of spunk Victor appreciates in a partner. :) I haven’t romanced either in my current playthrough (too early with Piper, and I need more Charisma-enhancing stuff to try it with Preston, as Victor is LOW Charisma), but I do intend to!

Valicer -- Pretty much the newest kid on the block, and the start of some of the weirder shipping on this list -- Victor/Alice/Smiler. As in The Smiler roller coaster. Because for some reason I got obsessed with the damn thing last year, had some thoughts about a hypnokinky Valice AU that featured the actual coaster -- and then Victor came up with his own AU within that featuring a romance with an AI version of the coaster, which led to me eventually creating a humanized coaster OC and yeah. I don’t understand my brain either. I have gotten rather invested in this weirdly cute threesome, though -- a Sims 4 vampire version, Smiler Always, now lives in my Chill Save and is dating Victor while being great buds with Alice (Victor and Alice having married some time earlier -- they’re all marked as polyamorous though), and I have multiple versions of the fanfic OC, Smiler Alton, for a couple of different universes, including “Londerland Bloodlines,” “Fallout of Darkness,” and the “As Long As You Love Me” holistic verse. . .

Four Victorians On A Roller Coaster -- And realizing that a couple of those verses, notably “As Long As You Love Me,” were leading to a Victor/Alice/Victoria/Emily/Smiler match-up is how we got this. See, my brain was able to come up with a ship name for it! Not being a ship that lent itself well to a portmanteau (I guess the closest would be “Vemliciar?”), I instead decided to focus on the silliness of it all. XD Obviously haven’t written anything for it yet, but it’s in the background of a couple of verses, including “As Long As You Love Me,” possibly “Londerland Bloodlines” (depending on how long it takes me to write the “main story” -- Smiler would be introduced in a sequel set long after the main action of Bloodlines), and a fairy tale AU idea I will be detailing in a future post.

Running Headlong Into The Bullshit -- And just because, I decided to come up with a ship name for ALL OF THE ABOVE PUT TOGETHER -- Victor/Alice/Victoria/Emily/Christopher/Richard/Preston/Piper/Smiler. XD Yes, NINE FREAKING PEOPLE. You need a flow chart to track the relationships here. XD I actually originally was thinking of this as “Alphabet Soup” (because this would be IMPOSSIBLE to portmanteau), but changed it to the current one after doing that OT3 post linked above and realizing how often Victor is dragged into bullshit by his love interests. XD If you’re wondering how this would work, I picture it as a variation on the main Cuddlepile verse, with Preston, Piper, and Smiler also college students -- Preston volunteers a lot and is part of an “anachronistic history” joke-reenactment group for fun (hence keeping his “Minuteman with a laser musket” aesthetic); Piper is either on the school paper or has created her own alternative; and Smiler is a psychology student and is known for throwing the best parties.

Side Ships not featuring Victor and Alice:

Vemilia -- As stated above, Victoria/Emily as their own ship! This was inspired by me seeing “Vemily” used as a Victor/Emily ship name, and figuring “Vemilia” would be the natural version to use for Victoria/Emily. I haven’t used it much as a side ship -- currently it’s only in “As Long As You Love Me” -- but it’s there as an option!

LizJangles -- Probably the most popular side ship I have, this is Lizzie/Bonejangles -- AKA, Alice’s sister Lizzie Liddell and ensemble darkhorse of Corpse Bride Bonejangles! Much like Valice itself, them getting together wasn’t really intentional on my part -- I just thought it would be interesting if they interacted, and things took off from there. I like them as a ship because Bonejangles is such a different kind of person from the men that so annoyed Lizzie in life, I figured he’d be a breath of fresh air for her, and Lizzie allows Bonejangles to show a softer, less showmany side of himself. They’re just a fun dynamic, and I like including them when I can. Obviously they’re most obvious as a ship in the Forgotten Vows Verse (having a whole side story, “In The Land Of The Dead”), but they also pop up in “The Technicolor Phase,” and they’re intended to show up eventually in “Londerland Bloodlines.”

Victopher -- Probably the most common side ship so far in my stories, this is Victoria/Christopher, covering both Sir Christopher Lloyd from the Secundus Verse and Christopher White from the Forgotten Vows Verse. As stated in the Cuddlepile write-up, the Christophers are meant to be a take on the White Knight from Wonderland, since it amused me to ship Victoria with a Wonderland character while giving her a happy ending that didn’t necessarily mean ending up with Victor. And as you might guess from the Secundus version, they’re named after and at least partially based on Christopher Lloyd’s portrayal of the role in that one Hallmark version that I otherwise don’t like very much. They too have a good dynamic, I feel -- Christopher in either incarnation is an open and caring guy, with a touch of bombastic-ness to his personality that I like. :)

Richily -- And now to the least common side ship, since it’s really only appeared once -- Richard/Emily, from the Secundus Verse! Again, this was born of wanting Emily to have an alternate love interest that was also a Wonderland character, so she got the Hatter. Whom she could bond with because of loose limb problems. XD It really only works in Secundus because Richard never had the “turned evil once” problem Hatter did in the games, and because it was written before I decided Emily was a biromantic lesbian (though, admittedly, the sexual incompatibility would never come up for them, given Emily’s dead and Richard’s mostly robot and not that interested) -- I can see her getting along with the actual Hatter, but not being romantically interested in him. Currently it’d probably only show up in Secundus-related stories, and as part of larger poly groups, like Cuddlepile and Running Headlong Into The Bullshit.

And there you have it! Or at least there I have it, since I don’t know how many of you are gonna use these ship names. XD But they’re there if you need them!

[carewyncromwell]

Hi guys! I thought I’d start this HPHM AU Ships Challenge, just for funsies! Feel free to steal and pass it along, if thou dost wish!

Tagging @dat-silvers-girl, @annabelle-tanaka-official, @angellazull, @lifeofkaze, @samshogwarts, @drinkyoursoupbitch, @kc-needs-coffee, @cursed-ice-spirits​, @thatravenpuffwitch​, @cursebreaker-lilith​, @cursebreakerfarrier​, and @cursebreakerelmswood​! 💖💛💙💚

What HPHM characters (or MCs) could you see your MC dating, in an AU? What would their relationship be like? Why did you ultimately decide not to go with that ship, or do you still hold a torch for it?

My answers for my girl Carewyn are under the cut!!

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist starting with a recycled doodle of my canon ship, the HMS Carion. 🥰)

Andre Egwu

Alright, right off the bat, we should discuss Carewyn’s canon ex, Andre. Carewyn and Andre attended the Celestial Ball and dated until their fifth year, breaking up right after the All-Wizard tournament. Fortunately despite their break-up, they’ve stayed on good terms and still greatly respect each other -- but truthfully, I never intended for them to be a long-term match in any universe. If you’d like to read more about why Carewyn/Andre didn’t work out, you can consult this analysis, but to put it very simply, Andre was someone Carewyn admired deeply, but couldn’t ever be completely herself around. And from a personal perspective, my parents are one of those rare couples who remained friends even after divorcing, and I’ve always found their relationship really fascinating, as no one can deny they do still sincerely love and admire each other, even if it’s no longer romantically. Carewyn and Andre know each other in a way no one else does, so it gives their friendship a depth that it didn’t have before -- so unlike with a lot of relationships, their bond actually strengthened after they broke up, rather than falling apart. 

Bill Weasley 

In Carewyn’s canon, Bill ends up becoming Carewyn’s best friend. Although at the start, their relationship had much more of a surrogate big brother/little sister dynamic, over time the two ended up on much more equal terms, both as Cursebreaker partners and as unofficial “parents” for the rest of their friend group. Bill is Carewyn’s right-hand man both while dealing with the Cursed Vaults and while leading the Circle of Khanna, and even though Carewyn wants nothing to do with Cursebreaking after dealing with the Vaults, she’ll still drop everything to help Bill with his work, should he need her. Bill is the one who came up with the nickname “Carey” for Carewyn, and he’s also arguably the friend who understands Carewyn best after the death of Rowan, given the similarities in their personalities and how long they’ve known each other. I actually did write out a post guessing what a romantic relationship between these two might’ve been like if they’d become a thing, but honestly, I’ve never really shipped these two. Carewyn may not be entirely based on me (she’s got elements of my mum too), but one aspect of the wish fulfilment for me early on was that my girl could have a ride-or-die best friend like Ron was for Harry in the original Potter books. In the end, that friend ended up being Bill, Ron’s eldest brother and a character I loved when I first read the books and only became fonder of through the game. And honestly, we could really use more sincerely loving, but completely platonic male-female friendships that never bump up against romance!!

Talbott Winger

Talbott and Carewyn are truly “birds of a feather,” though one would never know it based on their respective masks. Talbott is the sort to put a gruff facade on to hide his more sensitive feelings, while Carewyn is the sort to put on a pretty face to hide her angrier and sadder feelings. Underneath, though, they both are stubborn, intelligent, and distrustful people with a strong desire to fight evil and a creative spirit. After becoming an Animagus, Carewyn would frequently fly around the school grounds with Talbott in robin form, singing songs for both herself and Talbott, and even though Talbott teased her about it, he did sincerely enjoy it. Carewyn loves reading Talbott’s poetry, and Talbott is also one of the few people who can get Carewyn to laugh a lot, since their senses of humor line up really well. Last but not least, they become a lawyer and an Auror post-Hogwarts, so they end up working together A LOT, especially post-War. I did write a prompt once about what a Talbott/Carewyn romance would be like, and I admit, I could see them being a relatively good couple, particularly since I headcanon both of them as being on the ace spectrum. That being said, though, I ultimately didn’t go with Talbott for Carewyn for two reasons. One, I thought they’d be too similar in a lot of ways (most notably, they’re way too friggin’ serious -- give each of these two some sunshine, will you??) -- and two, on a much more superficial note, Talbott was so popular that I kind of hesitated before having Carewyn ask him out. (Plus come on, for that date, how much of a b*tch would you have to be to break Andre’s heart and then snatch up an outfit he made for you to wear on a date with his dormmate?! Just -- COME ON.)

Chiara Lobosca

When I first started playing HPHM, I strongly considered shipping my girl with Chiara, once she broke up with Andre. From the moment Chiara and Carewyn met, Carewyn just knew she had to know Chiara better, and that ended up being because -- thanks to her latent Legilimency potential -- she could subconsciously sense that Chiara and she were similar in a lot of ways. Most importantly, Chiara was very lonely and desperately longed for a friend, which reminded Carewyn of how lonely her pre-Hogwarts life was, especially after Jacob disappeared. Once Carewyn earned Chiara’s trust, Carewyn proved herself to be a very loyal friend, even learning how to become a robin Animagus so she could keep Chiara company and cheer her up with twittered songs during full moons. Both Carewyn and Chiara are sensitive “Healer” type personalities (though Chiara is a bit more literal of one) who fight against their own crippling self-loathing to try to nurture others. This, in the end, though, is why I hesitated on making them official and why I’m ultimately glad I didn’t. Like Talbott, Chiara in some ways is too similar to Carewyn, and I think in a romantic relationship, they wouldn’t grow as much as people through their interactions. I did come up with quite a few ideas about what their relationship might be like -- but ultimately I couldn’t help but feel that Carewyn’s happy ending couldn’t just be about peace, but about finding someone who could challenge and contrast her.

Diego Caplan

This  started off as a crack ship for me before actually gaining some legs and becoming Chiara/Carewyn’s main opponent, when it came to my debate with myself regarding Carewyn’s romantic future. In contrast to Chiara, Diego is pretty much Carewyn’s complete opposite. Carewyn is a planner. Diego is spontaneous. Carewyn is meticulous. Diego is flirtatious. Carewyn is serious. Diego is anything but. Carewyn is ace. Diego I headcanon as pan. And yet they both have their romantic and creative sides and are both seasoned fighters and loyal friends. Diego would definitely be able to bring some levity to Carewyn’s life, while Carewyn could bring some grounding to Diego’s. Diego even has a cute little nickname for Carewyn from their time in the Circle of Khanna: “general!” In short, these two would be perfect leads in a rom-com chick flick. But this, ultimately, ended up being why I hesitated on making them official and why I’m ultimately glad I didn’t. Diego/Carewyn is a ship that could really only bloom and blossom under fair conditions, and I had trouble seeing Diego being equipped to deal with Carewyn’s darker emotions or even her more intellectual bent. Just like with Chiara, I came up with plenty of ideas about how these two could be as a couple -- but I really felt as though Carewyn needed more than just “fun” as a happy ending. And ultimately, this conflict between peace VS fun ended up coming to an end when I discovered Carewyn/Orion, as Orion could provide Carewyn with both.

Jae Kim

Okay, honestly? When I first encountered Jae as a character, I didn’t think he and Carewyn would have anything in common, but in a weird way, they sort of subvert their respective house’s stereotype by exhibiting values from the other’s house! Gryffindors are seen as these rash, reckless, show-off hero types, but Jae showcases a lot of Slytherin-worthy cleverness, resourcefulness, and disregard for rules and what others think of him. Slytherins are seen as these cold, cruel, ambitious villain types, but Carewyn showcases a lot of Gryffindor-worthy courage, nobility, and selflessness. And so even though Jae is generally a rulebreaker and Carewyn is generally a rule-follower, when circumstances made it ideal for them to be on good business terms (namely, working in detention together and Carewyn needing an ally who knows Knockturn Alley and Jae needed an ally who was a Prefect), they soon found a lot of common ground. Add to that how much Carewyn encourages Jae’s cooking talent while respecting his privacy, and it’s little wonder that post-Hogwarts, when Jae opens up his own pub on the border of Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley, the two still meet up very frequently to swap news from their respective corners of the world. I admittedly don’t know how well Carewyn’s job as a magical lawyer would be conducive to her being anything other than friends with Jae, and I don’t think they’d ultimately have many interests in common, so I do much prefer them as friends, but their dynamic is full of fun contrasts! 

Ben Copper

Hahaha, oh god. So. Obviously Ben in-game is still very polarizing, but in my canon, Ben and Carewyn’s relationship is really complex and honestly one of my absolute favorite friendships for my girl. Ben was one of Carewyn’s very first friends, so he -- like Rowan, Bill, and Penny -- knows Carewyn in a way few others do. He befriended her before she became known as the poised, perfect Slytherin “Mama Bear,” but unlike her other friends, he was a bit disappointed by her abrupt transformation between her third and fourth years. While those like Bill, Penny, and Andre saw it as Carewyn coming into her own, Ben noticed how much Carewyn put herself “over” the rest of her friends, becoming their protector more than their equal, and Ben lamented it, disliking how he felt like a responsibility to Carewyn more than her friend. But Ben kept those feelings inside, not knowing how to properly express them when he did still cherish Carewyn’s friendship. After the events in the Portrait Vault, Ben went through his own dramatic change, and Carewyn sure enough didn’t end up liking it any better than Ben had liked hers. But ultimately the two had a heart-to-heart and realized that they both had become very different people than the kids who’d befriended each other in first year. After Rowan’s death and the formation of the Circle of Khanna, the two reforged their friendship on more equal terms. I did actually write out an AU roleplay where Ben and Carewyn’s confrontation in Jacob’s room ended up hinting Ben/Carewyn, but I ultimately think that the people they ultimately become are way too different to be a great romantic match. It makes their friendship fascinating, as it makes you wonder how such a tall, suspicious, reckless Gryffindor ever befriended such a poised, methodical, lady-like Slytherin...but even if they do feel a lot of deep platonic love for each other and I personally headcanon Ben being on the ace spectrum like Carewyn, I ultimately think they’d have very different dreams in mind for their future and would each need something different in a romantic partner. 

Barnaby Lee

Barnababy!! 💚 Yeah, Barnaby Lee is my personal favorite HPHM character, and yet I have never really shipped him seriously with Carewyn, even though I love their relationship and could see potential chemistry. Barnaby and Carewyn are both amazingly sensitive, loyal, and modest Slytherins with a love of magical creatures and a strong sense of honor, but they also contrast each other in some fun ways too. Carewyn may put on a happy face a lot, but she’s actually rather pessimistic. Barnaby’s unblinkingly optimistic and he wouldn’t even dream of putting on a mask to hide his feelings. Then of course there’s the fact that Carey-Bear is this tiny and rather physically weak thing, while Barnaby is a perfectly dashing tank. 😂 Barnaby and Carewyn are both protective of each other, as seen by Barnaby throwing himself in front of Carewyn to shield her from an Imperiused Rowan’s spell and Carewyn verbally tearing into Ismelda when she learned she planned to use a Love Potion on him. Barnaby was the one who really taught Carewyn about how deceiving appearances can be, and Carewyn was the one who really taught Barnaby about how generous and selfless friendship could be, so they both respect each other a lot. For all that respect, though, there’s a significant slant to their relationship. Carewyn supports Barnaby emotionally infinitely more than she would ever let him support her, so their dynamic comes across as very “mother/son”-like rather than complete equals. Plus, honestly, I think Barnaby and Carewyn’s dreams for their respective futures -- namely, to be a magizoologist traveling the world and to be a magical lawyer for the Ministry of Magic -- don’t match up in the least bit. I could also see Barnaby wanting a large family, and Carewyn has no interest in bearing children herself and would prefer a quieter home life. 

[topsytervy]

Rafe with an Asexual Reader

Because it’s Ace Awareness Week (hello, by the way, I’m not dead), I decided to do a kind of canon Rafe (minus the murder) little thing with an Asexual reader.

Word Count: that’s a good question

Warnings: like one mention of cocaine, swearing, talks about sex, mentions an ex trying to out the ace reader (WHICH ISNT COOL! DONT EVER OUT SOMEONE! IT’S THEIR DECISION OF WHEN AND WHO TO COME OUT TO!), i think thats it

Everyone knows Rafe as the kook prince

has issues with his dad, has a coke addiction 

Has definitely had some adventures in the bedroom if you're picking up what I'm putting down (lets face it, there’s a good chance Rafe is kinky)

Has had his fair share of casual hookups

And let’s be honest, Rafe’s attractive

I mean, have you seen his eyes?

And while many girls saw him at a party and thought 'cant wait to get him out of those khakis'

You thought about how amazing his hugs probably were because, holy shit, his arms

No one even thought Rafe knew what asexuality was (and they were right)

It started when you accidentally bumped into him at a kegger at the boneyard, causing him to spill his beer

"Oh shit, Rafe! I'm so sorry! It's all over your shirt!"

 Rafe was pissed but when you apologized and genuinely looked upset about the damage you had done, he was a bit less pissed

After all, you were trying to fix your mistake and he was touched by that fact, considering your friend group despised him

You told him you had a Tide to go stick in your backpack that was over by Kie at the campfire and he followed you

You grabbed your backpack from Kie, not wanting JJ to start shit with the kook and you and Rafe walked away from the noise of the kegger.

Rafe noticed the pins on your backpack and was interested by them, taking in each one of them as you dug through your bag

You had some pins of cartoons like Courage the Cowardly Dog, Scooby Doo, PowerPuff Girls, The Simpsons, South Park, etc. But also some random ass pins JJ pocketed from stores that he thought you’d like

But there was one pin that stood out from the rest.

A pin that was black, grey, white and purple striped

"What's that one?" He asked, pointing at it.

"Oh...uh...its the asexual flag…"

You were out but you weren’t out, if you know what I mean

The only people you came out to were JJ, John B, Pope, Kie, your parents, your ex, and Sarah after she joined the group but that's a whole different story

Your ex threatened to tell everyone on the Island after you broke up with them but after a quite successful threat from John B, Pope, JJ, and Kiara that ended with Pope (or Kie if your ex is a girl) decking them, they kept it quiet

Rafe raised an eyebrow to the new term presented to him 

"If you don't mind me asking, could you explain what that means?"

"Uhh...its the flag for asexuality…"

"I get the flag part. Just the asexual part is what I need explained to me."

You explained it to him as best as you could, but in the end you just said “I don’t desire the sexual parts of a relationship”

Rafe leaned back, completely intrigued by the fact that you had no sexual attraction 

"So asexuals just...dont really do sex."

"I mean...there's a lot more to it. There’s an entire ace spectrum and it’s a lot to break down.”

"Okay. Break it down for me."

You guys talked about the ace spectrum for 2 and a half hours before noticing that the party was dying down

You two stood up, deciding that both of you needed to find your friends before they found you and thought that Rafe assaulted you or something

"I kind of like the idea of that." "Of what?" "Being with someone who just doesn't really care about the sex part of the relationship but the other aspects of it." 

When Rafe got home that night, he watched Anthony Padilla interview asexuals and googled it as if he had an essay due the next day

He knew he wasn't ace but he found it interesting to learn about, maybe it was the thought that someone could love and care about him and not just want him for sex

When Sarah got up at 2 am for a glass of water, she saw him still up and on his phone

"Texting a booty call?" "No." "Telling a girl that last night was fun and all but if anything, you want to keep it casual?" "No, Sarah."

She walked in to look at what he was doing, only to see that he was reading an asexual article

"Either you've discovered something about yourself, which I find kind of hard to believe no offense, or you met Y/N." "I did, in fact, meet Y/N." 

He slowly started making his way up the ladder from acquaintance to friend and eventually, months later, he asked you out on a little casual at home date

JJ practically launched himself off the couch the first time Rafe walked into the chateau behind you

You quickly managed to somehow stop the blonde from getting close enough to throw a punch at the older boy

"Why is he here?" JJ asked, practically shooting daggers at the boy with his eyes. "Its fine. We're just here for my charger and then we'll be on our way, J" JJs gaze went from Rafe to you. "I'm sorry. Run that back." You grabbed JJs hand and pulled him into the kitchen as Rafe stood awkwardly in the doorway. "I promise you, he has no bad intentions. He made that clear from the start.." "You don't know his motives, Y/N, and people lie. Especially people like Rafe." JJ glanced at Rafe from where he stood. "JJ please. He's different from what you think." You begged. JJ looked at you and you gave him a little pout and the classic puppy dog eyes. JJ rubbed his hands over his face before holding them up in surrender. "Fine. Fine. But if it goes south, you better text me-" "Pecan Pie. I know. Thank you, JJ." You said before grabbing your charger from the counter and scurrying off.

The date was literally just you two in his living room with you curled up into his side as you guys watched childhood movies together

"Okay, you're up. What's a movie you watched when you were younger?" "The Great Mouse Detective." "Alright."

You two ended up falling asleep at some point during the second Mulan and Sarah came home

She had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop her herself from squealing at the fact that her horny ass brother was getting into a relationship who just didn't have the horniness

She snapped a picture and sent it to John B, who showed the rest of the Pogues and JJ felt himself smile a bit cause you looked so peaceful and content

She also sent it to Rafe 

When he woke up to see that his sister sent him a text he was annoyed at first but opened it nonetheless

He smiled when he saw the picture and immediately saved it to his camera roll

Rafe, reluctantly, woke you up to take you back to the Chateau

As the two of you talked on the porch of John B’s house, discussing details of your next date, the pogues, minus Kie, watched out the window before John B slowly opened it so he could listen

“Really? You three on going to eavesdrop on a whole conversation that doesn’t involve you?” “Kie, don’t act like your surprised by this fact.”

The night ended with Rafe kissing you cheek before getting back into his truck and pulling out of the driveway

You watched him leave as you addressed your audience

“I know you three are at the window. Stop acting like you’re discreet about it. You guys would be the worst fucking spies ever because you opened a window that hasn’t been greased in eternity so it squeaks when you open it and a spy would know better than to do that.”

[truthisgoldenau]

IT'S PRIDE MONTH

for a moment there I accidentally had Pierce's photo under Marian's name oop

Time to officially confirm some AU canon LGBT stuff! Each character is their own pride flag but I'll add in other stuff that's canon in universe plus some bonus stuff at the bottom.

First up is Freddy Fazbear Jr! Gay all the way.

He's definitely the "move I'm gay" type

Was honestly super freaked out to tell his dad but went with the bold approach of bringing home his first boyfriend and blatantly announcing their relationship as such as a challenge and was honestly surprised his dad wasn't bothered by it

He was around 13 at the time and so the twins and Fred were still in touch with Maddie's parents and brother. All three were incredibly supportive (and still would be)

He absolutely had a crush on Bonnie Burnette even though he had never talked to him. Since the twins and Bonnie went to the same high school he knew of Bonnie, thought he was a dreamboat, but because Bonnie was somehow in with the popular kids (it was the money 100%) Freddy didn't even bother

Frankie Fazbear! My ace son! (The ears are wrong blame the app lol)

Honestly doesn't even know he's ace until much later

He's had crushes before but he's never been in a relationship (part of it is the attempt to communicate since he's mute sort of stops him)

He wasn't even sure it was worth mentioning to his dad so Fred never knew

This boy can hold so much love in his heart but he's not a very physical person that's all

Fred Fazbear Sr! YES. HE'S BI.

Only Maddie even knew he was bi. That he knew of. Some people probably figured it out with his over the top always on personality.

Fred was constantly sure that Pierce picked up on it particularly after the Christmas mistletoe fiasco but if Pierce gave a shit he never said anything.

Frankly it was amazing that more people didn't pick up on it. He was over the top about everything until a point.

While he didn't overreact to his son very blatantly announcing he had a boyfriend, he was very proud of him. It was a very Fazbear family way to come out. Even though he got so distant, he was always proud of his boys.

Bonnie Burnette! Also bi!

Being constantly surrounded by the popular crowd and always being the sort of stand out with purple hair and stupid purple bunny ears didn't do much to make Bonnie feel like he could even tell anyone he was bi.

Really the only reason he was even in the popular crowd was he was rich.

It made him less of a target for bullies at least cause the jocks wouldn't stand for anyone messing with him.

Knew Frankie from math class and honestly wished he could have talked to the quiet kid with bear ears as an alternative to the entirety of the popular group

Sort of in the background of the AU story very quietly develops a crush on Freddy and then thinks "oh God I like the troublemaker NO"

Chandler Cicily! Lesbian!

Would absolutely describe her sexuality as "girls"

She's starting to discover it during the AU (even if it's not a topic that comes up but that's why there's this post about stuff lmao).

She's the baby of the group since she's 16 when the story starts and relationships aren't important to her yet

But the crew still support her when later she's like "maybe I just wanna bake things for a cute girl and let her put flowers in my hair is that too much to ask" (Marian always chimes in with "mood")

Marian Mengele! An absolute bi icon!

Listen, her one goal in life may be to find her lost childhood friend, but that doesn't mean she's solely interested in this one Irish redhead

That said she's definitely only dated redheads

She's not afraid to be open about her orientation. It doesn't bother her. She's seen as weird already what can it hurt.

That said she falls for Finn so goddamn fast when she finds him that she questions herself and then is like "no wait I'm definitely not straight"

She's very upfront with Finn about it. There's no reason to hide this from him (or anyone) and if they're a thing she wants him to know.

Finn being the wonderful human being still loves her and it doesn't bother him. Why should it? He's just happy to be with someone who loves him.

Chetana might be Chandler's fake big sister but Marian is like fake mama when it comes to Chandler finally coming out.

God bless Finn for being the kind of person to sit and let Marian braid his hair with flowers because that's one of Marian's favorite things to do when her partner has longer hair and Finn's never really bothered with keeping his hair short THESE TWO ARE ICONIC I love them

Pierce Graves! A shitty pansexual icon

First off he absolutely knew that Fred wasn't 100% straight he had no idea how it wasn't immediately obvious to everyone

That said Pierce literally did not give a shit who knew about his sexuality

As shitty as his whole personality was he could turn on the charm easily

His parents definitely knew but he was already a punk ass rebellious teen at the time so they have him the "be careful, don't get anyone pregnant" talk and worried from afar. If it bothered them, Pierce never knew because they made sure that he could still count on them (even though at the time Pierce didn't really talk to them much about anything)

Fred absolutely knew though I mean they were good friends

He's not a romantic. He's never really had a meaningful relationship because he's not that type of person. To be honest, there's a piece of him that saw relationships that worked and wondered how that would feel but he knew that wasn't for him. He figured that out way early on when he asked his granddad why he didn't have a grandma and Mortimer Graves didn't sugarcoat the answer. "She wasn't happy with me. I gave her the choice. She could stay and be miserable with my lack of a decent personality even though I was already struggling to not be such an ass or she could go and find someone who actually made her happy. She chose happiness, and while it sucks that she drifted out of my life and your dad's, she's better off."

Pierce could frankly always tell that he was more like his granddad and as much as he sometimes wanted to know if he could even out up with a meaningful relationship, he avoided it. Better to not hurt anyone and wonder than to become the catalyst for someone else to overcome, right?

Fritz Smith! Gay!

The shy bumbling mechanic of the early 90s Freddy's ? Gay? It's more likely than you think

He was still far in the closet in the 90s He was young, living at home still because he had just gotten out of school, and while his parents weren't super conservative, he also didn't know how they'd take it

Found a friend in the day guard Mike Schmidt early on. Mike was looking for a roommate since his last one had moved out and Fritz jumped at the chance

They are like totally boyfriends by the time they cameo in the story though

Mike Schmidt! Another gay icon!

Mostly invited Fritz to live at his apartment because he felt bad that this poor shy mechanic was getting constantly harangued about the animatronics having problems

Was glad to let Fritz complain about it and even cry it was very stressful but Fritz needed the money

Mike liked him. It would be hard not to really. Fritz was a sweetheart.

Mike didn't ask him out till much later though he wasn't quite sure that Fritz was gay and didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Luckily it didn't and as it turns out they worked well in a relationship.

Fritz's parents had to take some time to get used to it when finally Fritz got the nerve to tell them but as soon as they did there was no end of support from them

Mike's parents were the opposite which was mainly why he already lived by himself but oh well he got a cute boyfriend and cool parents-in-law later it was kind of a win

Daniel Hartford-Dunn! Gay!

Presenting Maddie's older brother!

outside universe fact, he's loosely based in my actual cousin who lives in California with his husband.

He's 7 years older than Maddie was. Despite that, they were still close. Maddie's parents wanted more kids but struggled to get the two they had.

He's an accountant for a corporation and his boyfriend (and later his husband) is a pilot.

Last time he saw his nephews in person was at Maddie's funeral. He misses them terribly but over the years less and less contact came from his brother in law

Sometime in 2006 though he ends up getting a call from his nephews and there's this great reunion.

He's just. This chill older guy. Who loves his family. And doesn't care what people think.

Since I can't put anymore photos, here's the bonus content!

-as mentioned last night Dr. Phillip Guy is on the ace spectrum. I don't have anymore details about that at the moment unfortunately.

-Charlie Emily is a lesbian. The Emily twins were born in 1980. They haven't appeared in the AU yet even as cameos but they exist. Considering in AU canon the Emily family is alive and well in Hurricane, Utah without an Afton to be found, Charlie's dating her childhood friend Jessica at around the time the AU events are happening.

-Sammy Emily is trans and bi. Both Henry and his wife (who I know I at one point named but don't remember what it is anymore) love their two daughters to pieces.

That said I'll make a post at a later point introducing the Emily family because so far I've only officially given the design for Henry and not the rest.

In line with canon, Spring Bonnie/Springtrap can be counted as gay.

While Fred kept the shows at the diner pretty simple and straightforward, there was definitely this subtle underlying idea that Spring Bonnie and Fredbear were a content gay couple although if asked it was easy to present them as friends. At least, that was during '81-'82

However!

Fred also had Henry help him program in a special one time only song called Springtime for his and Maddie's anniversary in 1983, which was of course a love song. Fred always thought of that as being mostly for his wife, and partially as a turning point thematically for the two characters.

Henry was on board with this. They still kept it subtle, but there were clear moments where it was pretty much certain that the only way to interpret Spring Bonnie and Fredbear was as a couple. It was either so subtle that no one was bothered or Spring Bonnie's chosen voice was so ambiguously non-binary that no one thought it was odd.

Fred had plans for it to become more "canon" but never got to implement them since Spring Bonnie got damaged before he could.

Springtrap, being sentient and able to later interpret his emotions, is very confused about how he as a machine was meant to feel about this character he knew but the more sentient he becomes the more aware he is that he misses Fredbear and that he loved him. It's the cause of a lot of internal conflict for him. But he can be counted in the category of LGBT characters in the AU.

Happy pride month ya'll! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[firecoloredwater]

Ace representation gives me weird feelings.

This was originally posted on pillowfort, and is being reposted here for the September 2019 Carnival of Aces.

To be 100% clear: I AM ACE.  (And aro, and the concept of gender gives me approximately the same feelings as the concept of being covered in live spiders, which I will grudgingly/squeamishly refer to as being agender or nonbinary when a label is required.)  Relevantly: ace.*

I began to identify as ace when I first heard the word, and had an "oh" moment.  (Or rather, multiple simultaneous "oh" moments.  "Oh that's a thing" and "oh maybe my classmates aren't all just faking relationships to mimic TV" are the two I remember most clearly.)  It was July, and at the time I was fifteen; I'm currently 28, so that's a bit over 13 years.  I'll skip the full journey, but the point is, this is an identity that I've had for a while and am comfortable with.

Despite that, ace characters in fiction give me weird feelings.  I mostly end up metaphorically staring at fiction which I know contains ace characters, going "hrmmmm I can't parse exactly what feeling I'm having, but I'm not enjoying it," to the point where I sometimes end up avoiding them entirely.  I doubt I'll be able to analyze all of why, but I'd like to at least try to start.

I'm also not referring to bad representation, or even to representation that focuses heavily on angst/suffering/prejudice.  Several years ago I read a large chunk of Shades of A (which, for anyone unfamiliar and about to click that link, includes a lot of kink and general adult themes; since it's been years I can't recall exactly what's in it) which was, from what I recall, very well done, and then I hit a point where I just... couldn't make myself keep going.  More recently I've heard several times about Every Heart a Doorway and thought 'that appeals to literally everything I want in fiction that I can think of' and then... not read it.

On the other hand, if a character is called asexual or characterized in a way that I can easily interpret as their being asexual, but it's not a major focus of the story or descriptions/advertisements/reviews thereof, I don't have the same reaction.  So for the rest of this post I'm just going to be discussing the former category (fiction with asexual representation that does give me weird feelings), and not addressing works that have an asexual or easily-read-as-asexual characters without giving me the weird feelings about it.  (The only real explanation I have for why a work falls in one category or another is the 'is it a major focus' question, so I don't think I can get anything useful out comparing them.)

Some of this, I'm sure, is that I'm just generally low on energy; I'm not reading much of anything that isn't fanfic right now.  But I tend to avoid fanfic tagged or described as having an asexual character too, so it's not just that.

The most obvious source is just that ace characters are unfamiliar.  There are a handful around now, even in mainstream media, but that wasn't true until I was in my 20s.  (Unless, of course, you counted the monsters/aliens/serial killers, and even then it was only the monsters/aliens/serial killers that the creator wanted to emphasize were really, really inhuman, even more than your typical monster/alien/serial killer.  And I was never fond of horror anyway.)  So ace characters stand out to me in a way that straight characters (and gay or lesbian ones, thanks largely to the Valdemar series) don't.  That extra attention-catching element can in itself make the representation feel weird and off on a level that's often subconscious and therefore difficult to dissect.  Again, though, while I think this is likely to be an element, I don't think it's the only reason.

I think some of it is the expectation—mine, but absorbed from a more general one—that if an asexual character is present, that should be the character that I most strongly (or even exclusively) identify with and connect to.  But that's often difficult: Anwar from Shades of A, for example, I have prettymuch nothing in common with except for being ace, our general age range, and maaaybe some of the social awkwardness and tendency toward geekiness that 98.5% of characters on the internet have.  I spent a lot of the time I was trying to read the comic being frustrated at every significant decision Anwar made because, while I probably would not have made better decisions, I certainly would have made different ones, and couldn't bring myself to empathize with his reasoning or priorities in any but one minor aspect.

And again, it's not that he's a bad character, it's just that he and I have nothing in common.  But I felt like I ought to empathize with him—I'm pretty sure he was the first ace character I ever encountered, so obviously I should empathize with him strongly and immediately and easily, right?  Not even "I should be able to," just I should, like saying the sun should rise in the morning, it's expected to just happen.  And because of that I couldn't pick another character to identify with (JD is nonbinary!  Chris and I have the same hair color! From what I remember they both have a more similar personality to me than Anwar does!) and I also couldn't just let myself gradually develop an understanding of Anwar's thought processes and start empathizing with him over time, because I was supposed to identify with him yesterday.  (Or rather, at least five years ago.)

(To be clear: none of this is something I was thinking consciously at the time, I was just frustrated with Anwar's decisions and didn't really analyze it further until like, two hours ago.  But from my current perspective, I think this is what was going on.)

Since I haven't actually read Every Heart a Doorway I of course can't be sure the same thing would happen, but I think I've avoided it because I expect it to.  From the summary it sounds like the main character is maybe fifteen or so, and the majority if not all major characters are mid-to-late teens?  So I'd be reading the book more as an observer than projecting myself among them, which is fine and often a thing I enjoy in fiction (because I'm way too empathetic and that distance helps tone down my distress at every little thing ever). But with an asexual main character... well, I wouldn't quite feel guilty about not identifying with her, but I'd be conscious of it the entire time I was reading in a way that would be distracting, and wouldn't be enjoyable.

Another possible element is that I tend to avoid fiction (and fanfic) in which a romantic relationship is the primary plot.  Since the majority of all fiction is romance, logically the majority of fiction with ace characters will be as well, and 'has an ace character' isn't enough to make me interested.  I think there's also a chance that romance fiction is in fact more likely to have an ace character, and/or to be labeled as having one (particularly in the case of fandom/fanfic/original work in fandom-derived areas).  A creator whose primary story focus is the characters' romantic and sexual relationships is more likely to consider the characters' romantic and sexual orientations, and therefore more likely to explicitly call a character asexual (whether in the story itself, a summary/description, or tags). Trying to read a story with an asexual character but being bored because it's a romance gives me about the same not-quite-guilty-but-not-comfortable feeling as being unable to identify with an asexual character does.

When I was in college I explained Asexuality 101 to various people or groups of people at various times, and one of the things I found myself explaining a lot is that "asexual" is actually just as much an umbrella term as "queer" or "trans" is.  Even without including demisexuality and the gray-a spectrum in the term (which at the time as far as I knew, at least, the most common approach was to just say "asexuality and gray-asexuality" if you wanted to discuss both) "asexual" includes asexuals of every romantic orientation and aroaces and people who prefer not to use the construct of romantic orientation, asexuals who are repulsed and who enjoy sex and who don't care too much either way, asexuals who lack attraction or libido or both or who experience both but are asexual anyway, because humans are complicated and sexuality is complicated and human sexuality is, therefore, utterly bizarre, and it would be weirder if asexuality (or any sexuality) were easy to define.**

And I think that's a factor too; there are asexual people whose experience of What It's Like To Be Asexual will have not one single thing in common with my experience of being asexual, and so a character that perfectly represents them will just leave me confused.  Which gets back to the thing about asexuality not really being sufficient for me to identify with a character, and the way that that fact runs into my expectation that it should be sufficient.  Like walking down a sidewalk, pausing to do something, then looking up and discovering a wall half an inch from my nose.  It's not painful, but it's jarring and annoying and I kind of want to look around and check if anyone saw that, because if so I'll be embarrassed about it.

(And I expect that most likely there are other factors, but I'm not coming up with them right now and this is long enough already, so I'll wind down here.)

I don't think this is a problem, or something that needs to be fixed; if "I'm not consuming the fiction that I would have expected myself to consume" is a problem at all, it's definitely the most minor one I've ever experienced.  If it does need to be fixed (or prevented), I think that "have more ace representation so it's not a Rare New Extraordinary Thing all the time" is probably the solution, and I'm pretty sure that aces are already in favor of more well done ace representation in fiction.

But it's still an experience, and it's been gnawing at my brain for months, so I'm posting this and... well, we'll see if and what use people make of it.  Has anyone else had the same or a similar experience?  Any thoughts on other factors which I didn't think of?  Some other related thing I missed?

*I'm not discussing aromantic or agender or nonbinary representation/my reactions to it because 1: asexuality is by far my "primary" identity (in the sense that it's significant to how I define and think of myself, while being aromantic and agender are just sort of... facts that forms sometimes request; probably largely because I settled on both those identities much later), and 2: frankly I haven't encountered aromantic or agender representation enough or in the right ways to experience this dynamic with them.  Or any dynamic, really.

**If you want to argue with me about the definition of What Is Really Truly Actually Asexual and how something I included Doesn't Count, please make a separate post and like, send me a link or something if you really want my opinion specifically.  My opinion is pretty firm but I'm willing to discuss it in good faith, but it's not the point of this post and I'd rather not go off on that tangent here.  Same if you want to argue that gray-asexuality ought to by default be included with the term 'asexual;' I don't honestly care either way on that one, I'm just describing the vocabulary I was familiar with at the time.

[sophygurl]

Thoughts for National Coming Out Day in this year of our lord twentyGAYteen:

1. When I was a teenager, I knew I was straight. In my 20′s, I knew I was bi. In my 30′s, I knew I was pan. I’m in my 40′s now and it’s gotten complex.

I’m non-mono romantically and sexually attracted, as in I have attraction to multiple genders. 

But I’m also suspecting more and more that I fall on the ace spectrum along the lines of akoisexual. I experience attraction, I like the idea of dating and relationships, but I don’t like the feeling of being attracted to, and the reality of dating or sex or being in a relationship feels yucky to me. Some of this might be due to PTSD stuff and/or other medical reasons. But it also might just be who I am. It could be a combo of both. Whatever the case, I’m cool being single.

I’m also poly, and I know not everyone thinks polyamory belongs under the queer/lgbtetc. umbrella, but for me it most definitely fits as part of my overall orientation and identity. When I was dating, I did mono or poly relating equally, but FELT poly whichever I was doing. And as a singleton now, I still FEEL poly. It’s important to me. And my platonic life partners still feel like a poly community to me. We have each other in ways that significant others do but just minus the sex and romance. 

I’m also genderqueer, and I’ve thought a lot about what that means to me individually. I don’t consider myself trans or non-binary. There’s a lot of complicated and personal reasons why that is the case for me, but it ends up sounding like gatekeeping because other people might share similarities to my situation but do consider themselves trans and/or enby, so we’ll just leave it as - it’s just how I personally do and don’t identify. I feel that I have a multiplicity of gender, including feminine and masculine both. But I am also very comfortable with my assigned bio sex as female. It’s my gender that’s queer - not my sex. For some people it’s the other way around, or both. 

All of this is long-winded and complex, and so much easier summed up as queer, so mostly I just go with queer. Also because apparently queer is having to be re-reclaimed these days which pisses me off so I’m just gonna use the word queer as often as possible. Queer. Queer. Queer! 

2. I’m out, open, proud, and loud about my identities. This is mostly because I’m just an obnoxious self-discloser in general and will tell anyone anything about myself at the slightest provocation. 

BUT Also, I do think it is very important for the people who can and want to be out to do so. Someone has to answer questions and challenge norms and be an example to young folk and make all this shit visible and normalized. And since I have no qualms about being out, I am happy to do these things for the folks who can’t or just choose not to. Because that shit is valid as hell, too. 

There are so many many reasons why someone might not feel safe to come out, or ready to come out, or not want to come out fully, or might just want to come out to some people and not others, or might want to come out about some aspects of their identities and not others, or might want to be fully out but not be bugged or questioned about it beyond stating what is true about themselves, etc. All of that is valid. 

But I’m here and openly queer and ready to talk about it. So feel free to ask me about my queerness. (This goes for other shit in my life, too. For example, I will answer questions about my chronic illnesses or my mental illnesses or about living on disability benefits or about being an abuse survivor or about my favorite books or my cats or whatever the fuck.) 

Leave the people who want their privacy alone. But I’m someone you can come at, as long as you’re polite and respectful about it. 

3. My coming out stories are kinda weird. Because my life has been kinda weird. So like, my dad came out to me when I was around 10 and my parents were splitting up. It came out along with a whole bunch of other stuff about the dysfunctional aspects of my parent’s marriage and some wrong things my dad did which is maybe the one thing I won’t talk publicly about yet because it’s not really my story to tell but I do talk about it privately. But so anyway. Yea.

My parents split up, my dad came out as gay and left the ministry as a result, and he moved out of town. This was in the mid-80′s in a conservative area of the midwest, so it was not a thing that was talked about publicly. I did not tell any of my friends for years. One friend found out by snooping through my things and then told me. Another friend and I got talking because he had a gay older brother and we were safe people to talk to about this thing (it later turned out we were both queer too but I sure didn’t know back then and I think he was probably in early figuring it out stages himself at the time). 

I didn’t tell anyone else until I got to college. Not even my bestest friend knew. So first things first - I had to come out about my dad being gay.

I didn’t personally have an issue with my dad’s gayness. I just knew other people were likely to, and I was being actively bullied by half the student body already and if this secret came out it would just have given them more fodder, so I kept it in. Turns out, some of my friends had figured it out anyway and were fine with it. And all of my friends were great about it once they were told. 

But not only was my dad gay, but my parents were very liberal and we had family friends who were gay, and my parents talked openly with me about trans people and intersex people and many other things so it was not an issue for me. I used to sometimes wonder if I might be gay and then go, nope, I like boys too much! lol

So then I got to college. And met and befriended people who were bisexual or at least bi-curious and it got me thinking... and one day while out thinking I caught myself watching a woman’s butt wiggling as she walked in front of me, and I realized that I enjoyed watching such things a lot, and the lightbulb clicked on like ooohhhhhhh I’m bisexual! 

My friends who were fine about my dad being gay were equally fine about my bisexuality. I mean, listen, some of them were conservative Christians who believed I was probably going to end up in hell some day - but they probably thought that about me before this realization for other reasons anyway - and they still loved and accepted me as a person, which is what mattered to me. I was a little worried to tell my dad because I knew not all gay people accepted bi people, but he was fine about it. 

The funny part was my mom. When I went off to college, my mom started doing as much self-exploration as I was doing. So we kept coming to the same realizations around the same time. Bisexuality, polyamory, Unitarian Universalism, etc. It was like - I discovered this new thing about myself ... oh yea, me too! lol

I’ve never had a negative coming out experience with anyone I actually care about. I’ve had strangers or casual acquaintances on the internet react badly, but that shit doesn’t bother me. 

I know I am incredibly lucky - both in how easy it’s been for me to figure out and accept my own identities, and in how easy it’s been for the people in my life to accept them and me. I remember I told my bestest friend about my bisexuality when I had just broken up with my first partner - a guy - and was heart broken and going to come live with her for a little bit until I got my life sorted back out a bit. I wanted her to know, in case I started to date a woman. But I also didn’t want her to worry about the whole living in the same space thing, so I assured her I wasn’t attracted to her in that way. She very comically asked me why, wasn’t she attractive enough, and acted offended, which was just the perfect reaction and I will love her forever for that. 

Not only have I never had a bad coming out experience, but I know that my coming out has directly helped others to come to terms with their identities, and has helped to educate open minded but unaware allies about lots of things. So I am very fortunate. 

And this is a huge part of why I can so easily and comfortably be out and proud. Not everyone gets to have the experiences that I’ve had. So if there is anything I can do to pay this shit forward and be there for other queer folk, I’m gonna always do it. 

I’m here and I’m safe to come out to. I will hold your secret as confidential. I will help you open up about it if that’s your desire. I will support you as you question and figure shit out. I will help you find resources. I will believe you. I will accept you. I will help raise your voice. I will be your voice if you can’t speak up for yourself. I will fight off your bullies. I will field your ridiculous questions. I will listen. I will hear you. I will tell you that you are not alone. 

[itsme-mianmian]

Hey anon, as someone who identifies as both demisexual and demiromantic I know exactly what you feel! Yes, it definitely makes sense! The demiromantic label is a recent development. I had identified myself as demisexual since I was 14 but tbh I didn't really feel any sexual attraction to other folks the way allos do. My crushes then had come with the understanding that they were one-sided and nothing more.

It's only when I allowed myself to fall in love for the first time that I understood, oh. Emotional intimacy is absolutely essential for me. It literally needs to exist before I experience any physical attraction. That's even like, a bonus, and I don't feel it as much as I do with the emotional bond. I can relate with the threshold. I'm sex-positive but I honestly feel uncomfortable thinking about this person in a hypothetical sexual situation. I just don't feel I am allowed?? Hahahaha. I also feel like I would be disrespecting them if I thought of them like this outside the bounds of a romantic relationship and an open discussion. They're a good friend of mine; I'd take meaningful comversations with them any day.

I can empathize with your struggle too. I used to label myself as "cis demisexual." These days I'd preface my experiences as "someone within the ace spectrum" and then explain the specifics to anyone who is interested about demisexuality and demiromanticism, etc. I discovered just because I seem to be "hetero demi" doesn't mean I actually am. In a crowd of strangers I am quite frankly, more likely to appreciate women and nb's bodies and aesthetics. The men might as well be moving vases and it wouldn't make a difference.

I hope this helps. Anon, if you have any further questions or just wanna hang out, feel free to send me a message. This also goes to anyone who identifies as demisexual, demiromantic, or both. Let's chat!

So I think I just figured out I’m demiromantic and demisexual where I only have crushes on people if I have an emotional connection with them for romantic attraction but like I need a deeper connection for sexual attraction. Like I have a higher threshold for sexual attraction than romantic, but I feel like demi is the label that still applies for both? Does that make sense?

Also I’ve heard many different things in terms of whether hetero demis can be considered queer. Thoughts? I definitely don’t want to take on a label that appropriates or minimizes other peoples experiences/sexualities but it’s like I don’t know where I fit anymore.

Community time!

[seksipomminpurkaja]

some wholesomeness for maz, jack and anze?

intimidating dude, intimidating but harmless dude, and the least intimidating thing in the entire universe, edit: oh god this is super hard when dissociating, edit 2: i’m back after three hour breather i’m sorry i’m just very sick rn

Blue goober

When they discover they’re got a crush: They’ve had a ton of little crushes but those didn’t show any interest back, they have no idea what happened with Moran, they just suddenly felt so giddy being around them and just wants to make them feel as happy as they are, very much confuse, so happy, a true crushHow they confess/hint: They’re really bad at hinting/flirting, it’s a straight up confession, it’s a simple ‘i like you, you know?’ if they say nothing back, they keep pampering them and just showing how much they like them, in the end it’s ‘i wish i could kiss you’Big gestures of love: Cuddling, pampering, all out kissing/holding, just let them show love to yaLittle gestures of love: Asking how your day was, making food for them, listening/talking etc. For both romantic and platonic loveHow to win their heart: Be gentle and not too imposing, they are tiny, a simple thought out gift helps tooHow to break their heart: call them names, start unecessary fights, pay no attention to them in a long whileTiny little turn-ons: imma leave these out bc they’re in the ace spectrumThings that make their heart flutter: a simple ‘i thought about you the other day’, holding handsTheir type: tall with four hands apparently, gentle, someone who lets them be themselves without it feeling awkward, Ideal date: quiet, only two of them, just spend time with one anotherPast relationships: few really short ones, any of them didn’t appreciate their lifestyleHow they might affect current relationships:‘Goals’ in a relationship (marriage, kids, a house, etc): It took a long time for them to consider marriage, but after meeting Moran it finally seemed right. Moving together has always been one of the goals in Maz’s mind when seeing someoneAny other love headcanons: It takes a trained eye to spot the difference in their showing of platonic and romantic love, because for them, the romantic parter should be a friend with lotsa kisses

Ex drunkard

When they discover they’re got a crush: disappointed, not again, please no,he gets flustered by said person more easily, he’s a nervous wreck nowadaysHow they confess/hint: he’s hardcore flirting, cracking out the worst puns, basically trying to make the person notice him, confessions and invitations catch him off-guardBig gestures of love: show as much affection as humanely possible for him, publicly showing affection as wellLittle gestures of love: his adoring look every time his significant other walk into the room, asking about the persons day, How to win their heart: be genuinely interested in him, be cheery and fun to be aroundHow to break their heart: leave him be, make it clear as day you don’t tolerate him anymoreTiny little turn-ons: touches on his neck, low husky voice, sweaty musclesBig turn-ons: Being handled rough and lovingly if that makes any sense, all out innuendos, groping his butt also gets a good reactionThings that make their heart flutter: lmao if the person of interest as much as looks in his direction he gets the doki dokisTheir type: for the last 20 or so years he’s seen himself as someone who should not get too picky, especially with his habits and looks or the lack of them, he can’t help it he’s still into buff men, scars are a nice plusIdeal date: Something fun together, doesn’t mind if in middle of a large gathering or just the two of them, beach is nice, as australian he is, also enjoys showing off his tats and admiring his parterPast relationships: few flings here and there, few more serious ones, most recent was andreas and it has been ten yearsHow they might affect current relationships: he’s very insecure, taken that the last one ended him in jail penniless by the man he loved and trusted, he can’t help it, and his way of coping with it... hasn’t landed him another partner‘Goals’ in a relationship (marriage, kids, a house, etc):Any other love headcanons: He falls in love head over heels very fast, but when actually getting a response he turns defensive. But if you keep it up and show him you’re 100% in he’s quick to lower his guard again

Fine commander

When they discover they’re got a crush: He’s brushing everything off really fast because he has work to do and civil war to prevent and ambassadors to deal with, in his younger years he was too busy training and hiding his sexuality from his father to crush on anyone, when Nics appeared, it took him a lots of flirting and shameless invitations to catch his attentionHow they confess/hint: He’s hinting very subtly, but once you notice it, he’s doing it all the time, his confessions are like his fighting, straightforward and better watch your feet you won’t fall overBig gestures of love: Kissing, an not just your everyday smooch, he gets passionate and into it. Actually saying ‘i love you’, letting you see in his most vulnerableLittle gestures of love: paying extra attention to your wellbeing, the state of your gear, bring you his share of food, suggest training together (bc combat medic Barros)How to win their heart: Be patient with him, show concern for him and genuine interest other than ‘oh a commander, looks good, acts good, fights good, gotta get a piece of that’How to break their heart: i don’t think he has ever had his heart broken. But speaking to him like he is is his father is a good way, dismissing all he’s done for his partner, accusing him of cheatingTiny little turn-ons: That special person complimenting him, heavy touching, Big turn-ons: Feeling his partner melt down under his touch, quivering, breathing heavily against his skin, letting him take the lead, and with consent, grab that crocth and let him pin you against a wallThings that make their heart flutter: his heart doesn’t flutter, it explodes, say something like ‘hey i was wondering where you were i want to show you something completely unrelated to your work bc i think you’re gonna like it’ admit that he’s crossed your mind and you haven’t forgotten him in two dayTheir type: he hasn’t had a much of time to think about that, but someone who contrasts him nicely, someone more calm and less reckless, maybe even cute, like sun and moonIdeal date:Past relationships: lmao watHow they might affect current relationships: he is very inexperienced‘Goals’ in a relationship (marriage, kids, a house, etc): he really doesn’t know what to look for, fer few years into being with Nics he only thought about maintaining it, towards the end he was seriously thinking about proposing but chickened offAny other love headcanons: i mean there’s no reason there wouldn’t be few writer and novels about character he has inspired to write in that cheesy romance novel for lonely women style

[fictionfreakazoid]

for the soft wlw asks: 1. How long have you known that you like girls?

I'm sooo sorry this is late, I've been caught up in a lot of stuff lately and this is a really complex question so I wanted to really answer it

I've always liked girls, but it took a WHILE till I realized that me thinking in depth about how girls I knew and saw were so pretty was *attraction*. Plus I wasn't really introduced to lgbt+ in general and I didn't really get subversed into lgbt+ content until korrasami became canon. I hate to admit it and I hate that it was true, but I had internalized homophobia until I got into lgbt+ stuff on tumblr. Even when I got into the lgbt+ culture on tumblr (thankfully not the toxic culture), I don't think it clicked that I myself was wlw immediately, I think it was a vague relatability in the back of my mind. I think I really started to realize I was wlw when I discovered the romantic spectrum of asexuality after someone at my school (an early college entry program where we all dormed together) had given a talk about lgbt+ and talked about different romantic identities. I didn't remember the details after the talk, but I remember the whole "ace but x-romantic" just stuck with me and eventually I looked it up and I was like oh asexual biromantic, that's ME. Honestly, my particular feelings and trains of thoughts are blurry to me timewise. I think me realizing I liked girls was just something I just kinda like realized I was submerged into, I was shipping all the gay stuff, I was fawning over practically every girl I saw and knew, I was just talking about girls with my best friend who is also wlw, I was looking at all those posts about gay panics and laughing at things straight people and was like moood. I know for sure I was fully aware of my wlw attraction by the time I started college with my major (not the entry college program) about 3 years ago cuz I remember like finding this girl in my major with an Arabic name and was like WHO IS THIS I MUST KNOW HER I BET SHE'S GREAT and I was like ooof she's cute aaaand I still have an on and off crush on her now (ohhhh the mess of falling for straight girls).

I really wish I could remember the moments where I started realizing I was into girls, but my memory is very garbage and I was still (stupidly) focused on the crushes I had on guys for a while, really missed out on all my wlw potential *unfortunately*. Like looking back, I was definitely into girls all my life but it took a while for me to just realize that that was what those feelings were and honestly it just felt like I just woke up some day and saw that I was submersed into lgbt+ culture, both as a fan of lgbt+ media and as an lgbt+ person myself.