#but im too tired to articulate that right now lmao

[deslizada]

okay I'm not wild about the whole "trans men are basically not oppressed uwu" thing that's going around tumblr right now but uh. transandrophobia isn't a thing. trans men aren't oppressed for being male. the terms you're looking for are transphobia and bioessentialism. which are both bad and deserve to be taken seriously! but it's not somehow parallel but never intersecting with the trans female experience and we don't need like, mirror image vocabulary for it.

[peachypizzicato]

can you believe they’re making a threequel to 2020. crazy (year in review after cut)

i know i did my whole big dramatic comic thing last year but uh. i’m not really feelin it this time

im gonna keep it a buck with you guys, i love y’all so im gonna make this real honest; my year was not very good, like honestly pretty awful for the most part.

that’s not to say there WEREN’T good things, they just felt overall more few and far between than the bad times.

i struggled a lot with mental illness- most visibly my adhd- and even had to take a huge break from creating and posting because it was just adding to the growing fogginess up there. i didn’t feel like i achieved much in work or in recreation (in some ways i still don’t). i didn’t achieve a single one of last year’s “resolutions”. i dealt with a LOT of self doubt and insecurity that seemed to only pile on as the year progressed. i faced a personal loss. needless to say its been a rough one for me.

but it hasn’t been all bad. i found a number of new sources to bring me joy (and of course, the new f/os that come with them). my favorite series in the world got a new game (and i got a new comfort blorbo, hi big man). i spent a lot of time with some of my closest friends, some of that time dedicated to working on personal passion projects both new and old together. i turned 21 and experienced a rite of passage i had been looking forward to. i discovered something about myself that i had been made to hide away, and i’ve started to feel more like i can be myself. i got to share things with all of you. for as much time as i spent this year in painful lows, i did get to experience some really high highs, and i’m really grateful for that.

as for my hopes this time around, i just want to spend as much time as possible just doing things that make me happy and not worrying about trying to win anyone’s approval. i’m beginning a major i’m excited for too, so i also hope to prioritize that and let that lead me wherever it goes.

i’d also like to give some thanks again, if that’s quite alright:

@sin-pestilencia, for continuing to be one of the best friends i’ve ever had despite any distance. here’s to nine years (or something like that, right? lmao)

@femininelookingmale, for supporting me no matter what and always making me feel heard and loved and appreciated even when i’m convinced the world is crumbling around me. i love u man /p

@toasty-self-shipping, @dead4non, @jils-things, @candyheartedchy, @fluffyselfships, @moss-self-ships, for reminding me that what i do has purpose and someone out there does care. i hope someday i can give back the amount of joy you all have brought me

and to everyone who i can’t think of because i’m really tired, thank you for supporting me even through all the turmoil this year has brought. i can’t even begin to articulate how much it means to me.

thank you everyone for being here for me, and for letting me have this platform i love for nearly two years now. see you guys in ‘23

[cdroloisms]

haha your snippit abt the dispenser got me thinking.

Dream gets let out of prison and he talks constantly, whatever is on his mind. And he's positive all the time. To a fault where people walk over him. And it doesn't make sense because he was tortured right???? But after an incident they find out it's because he hates the sound of silence and needs constant reminders that other people are there. Also he was punished for any negative emotions in the prison so his default is happy now,,,

hi anon !! this concept makes me SO goddamn sad ,, the idea that he Has to be happy bc anything else would mean punishment im so *punches the walls*

this ,, ficlet is honestly. pretty ooc, not really related to the ask at all, and mostly an excuse for me to cry abt c!dream and c!punz for an excessive amount of time (technically the vote on twitter was supposed to have this as c!sapnap pov, but i just wrote one for him so i went for c!punz instead. mostly bc i wanted to write him LMAO). hopefully someone enjoys it despite *gestures vaguely* all of that mess

tw: trauma, disordered eating, implied torture/abuse, blood, injuries, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional distress, thoughts of murder/mercy killing, mentioned animal death, dark content

In the end, it’s all rather anticlimactic, the complete opposite of Dream’s vault and the whole fiasco of adrenaline and theatrics that had made up that day. Quackity ended up having one too many drinks, bragged about the wrong thing to the wrong person - Punz doesn’t know the specifics, only knows that one thing has led to another and suddenly Sapnap was screaming at his ex-fiancé, sword pointed at his chest and tears streaming down his eyes in the middle of the Community House floor, everyone else stood around and watching. A look into Quackity’s office said everything he didn’t - the chests and chests of used and new tools, shiny and sharpened and completely rusted over with blood and everything in between. There’s been a balled up shirt in the wastebasket, completely unsalvageable from how saturated it was with blood, more red than white, and perhaps most chilling of all the calendar, marked with X after X in red pen, going back months and speaking to their utter failure to see what had been happening all but right in front of them.

With Quackity down, Sam caved not too long after, and with his input getting into the prison was no challenge at all. The only thing holding them back were bad memories and the tense, worried edge to Sam’s jaw as he led the small group of them - himself and Sapnap, actually entering the facility, Bad and Puffy waiting outside - carrying them through winding corridor after winding corridor and lava pit after lava pit, until they’d come to stand before a chasm filled with flowing lava, slowly draining before the main cell.

“I- I have to warn you,” Sam had muttered, uncharacteristically hesitant, “it looks…pretty bad,” and Punz would’ve questioned him further, but the lava had fallen far enough to reveal the topmost edge of the cell, so they let Sapnap hound the Warden for information as they directed their full attention on the cell itself and holy shit.

Nothing Sam said could’ve possibly have prepared them for the sight - it was a complete fucking bloodbath, crimson painting the walls and smeared over the floor and splattered over every visible surface like some abstract art experiment gone wrong. The stench of iron and burning flesh and viscera was awful, even over the gap marked by the still-draining lava. Punz strained his eyes; at the very back of the cell, huddled, unmoving, was a similarly bloodstained shape that must’ve been Dream. They remember the crack of Sapnap’s knuckles meeting Sam’s face and breaking his nose, remember themselves chucking a pearl and feeling along Dream’s neck desperately for a pulse - everything beyond that became a swirl of voices and panic and crying that makes their head hurt to think about, so they don’t.

Recovery is…messy. The physical side had been bad enough - pulling Dream out of the cell, barely breathing, limp in his arms and far too light, all Punz could think about was a sheep he’d found a year ago, frail and struggling to breathe, one he’d ended up killing - quick and painless - with a sword through the skull because it seemed kinder than letting it suffer. Watching Dream struggle on the bed, laid up in Bad’s mansion because none of them knew if he’d survive going any further, body resisting the potions they’d slowly forced down his throat after being so over-saturated on them, temperature spiking and heat baking into his skin like the lava from the prison had been imprinted onto his body, Punz feels the same strange mixture of pity and unease, wonders if it’d be a hell of a lot kinder if they just put him out of his fucking misery.

Still, because Dream is a stubborn bastard, against all odds, he ends up surviving - his fever breaks, the potions begin taking effect, and a few tireless, aching days later his eyes flutter open, lucid for the first time in a week. Punz isn’t even in the room when he wakes, only knows that it happens because the too-quiet room suddenly erupts in noise and activity, muffled thumps and sounds of a struggle undercutting Bad’s frantic calls for someone to help, anyone, and they run into the room to find Dream thrashing on the bed, wounds reopened and blood dripping onto the sheets, eyes wild and wide as his head whips from side to side so hard Punz is half-afraid that he’ll straight up break his neck. Somehow, worst of all, not a single scream falls from his lips, nothing but muffled whines squeezing past his mouth, clenched shut, and for a singular, awful second they wonder how long it took before he realized that screaming was useless.

Fortunately enough for them, or unfortunately, it’s not like he can tell the fucking difference anymore, the panic and strain end up with Dream passing out altogether, and they trade uneasy glances with Bad before going to clean off the worst of his wounds. If everything they’re doing feels hopeless, dressing up wounds that’ll be torn open hours later when Dream is awake enough to feel fear but not much else because he’s forgotten what it’s like to not be afraid - well, that’s for them to think and everyone else to pretend not to agree with.

Weeks pass along the same vein - Dream wakes up, panics; they try to calm him down, fails; he falls back into unconsciousness, and they move on and pretend that they’re cleaning up wounds from battle and not from someone that’s literally been tortured for months on end. People stop by, occasionally; Puffy spends more time than not inside the mansion, but hardly ever enters the door into Dream’s room, Sapnap and George drop by occasionally with potion brewing supplies that the rest of them can’t go out to get; once, he’d gone out to the front door to find a chest with an enchanted golden apple, sender nowhere in sight. He knows that the server is busy; Quackity’s admission had brought more than a few secrets to light, and from what they understand, the political fallout has been pretty damn messy. Still, he stays in the mansion, and watches.

He doesn’t exactly know why he stays. They’re not a stellar healer, not beyond what they know to dress their own wounds, and spend most of their time doing odd-and-ends tasks for Bad, who looks more tired than ever. Maybe it’s because he’s seen Dream at his worst more than the rest of them, had been there through his entire fall from grace, watched as his eyes became clouded with anger and madness and a single, desperate hope that he’d chased at the cost of his world and himself. Maybe it’s because they have no ties to the rest of the server - not to Las Nevadas, falling apart under the scrutiny of the eyes that now fall upon it, not Snowchester, caught up in the chaos, not the Badlands, half-dissolved after the fiasco of the Egg and with Sam’s actions having just come to light. Maybe it’s because above everything else, he feels guilty.

They’d thought the prison was the answer. It’d seemed too simple, back in that Vault - a perfect answer, because everyone else was perfectly happy to watch Dream die another time and some part of them had clenched painfully at the thought even thought they knew it was for the best. The prison meant that he’d be alive, if angry, and at some point when he had the time or the nerve or the guts he could go and visit, and they would talk, and Dream would be angry but with time maybe he could even understand.

They hadn’t wanted this. He can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

“Punz?” They don’t jump at the voice at their back, they don’t, but Bad still has a tiny, tight-lipped smile when they turn around anyway, eyes creased in the corners and still not as bright as they’d been before the Egg. Bad looks at him knowingly, setting a bowl of soup into his hands. “For Dream, if you can get him to eat.” He shifts a pointed gaze towards the door. “Maybe you two could talk.”

“About what?” The words come out harsher than they intend, and they take a moment to bite back the mostly self-directed anger that Bad doesn’t deserve to receive the brunt of. “I just-” he waves his hand in the air, trying to articulate the mess that is his relationship with Dream without the words to explain it. “I don’t know, man.”

“You don’t have to talk about everything,” Bad says, calm as always, eyes flicking down to the bowl of soup in his hands. “Just start with the soup.”

Punz sighs. “I’ll try.”

He enters the room in a single, fluid motion, mostly because he knows that if he were to stop at the door then he’d never actually make his way in. Dream flinches back when they enter, eyes going wide and stance going rigid, and the familiarity doesn’t make the sight any easier to bear as they wait, as always, for Dream’s eyes to clear enough for him to realize he’s in the mansion and not stuck in that same obsidian hellhole.

“I brought soup,” they say, finally, when Dream looks up. Dream’s lips twitch up in what he probably means as a smile; between the still-healing gashes on his face and the fear that flashes over his expression, still, it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Thanks.” Dream looks away. “I’ll eat it later.”

Liar, Punz thinks tiredly, moving closer to set the bowl down on the nightstand by the bed. They frown as Dream’s expression goes slack and distanced, again, eyes fixed to stare blankly at the wall once again.

“You should have some now,” he tries, careful to keep his words even. “You need the calories.”

“I’m good,” Dream says, automatic, just shy of sincere. “Thank you.”

“Dream,” they don’t quite succeed at keeping a displeased sigh from falling from their lungs, and bite back a curse at themselves when Dream pulls back with a silent flinch. It’s so goddamn hard, to talk to this version of Dream, both of them feeling around the edges of their relationship like walking on goddamn eggshells. A few months ago, he would’ve straight up called Dream out on his bullshit, get it through his thick skull that the whole ‘I’m fine and don’t need anyone’ act was stupid and completely failing to convince him. Here, they bite back another sigh, look forlornly at the bowl of the soup on the nightstand, sure to go uneaten once again, and force themselves to sound completely neutral when they speak again. “Alright. You’ll have to eat at some point, though.”

“Mmhm,” Dream hums noncommittally, once again staring at the wall. Punz stares at his hands. This is so fucking pointless.

“So,” they say after a few seconds, Bad’s words echoing in their head - they can try to make an effort to talk, sure. It’s just that Dream’s not going to cooperate. “How are you, man?”

The words come out stilted, awkward. He looks up to watch Dream’s expression, as the other man begins to gnaw on the inside of his cheek.

“I’m good,” he says, words deliberately light. “You?”

“Dream…”

“I’m fine.” Dream’s voice sharpens suddenly, breath hitching, before he shakes his head and turns his head away. “I’m fine.”

Punz looks at him incredulously. “Are you serious? Do we need to get into exactly how not-fine you are?” They wave a hand in his direction, jaw clenching when he rears back. “Do ‘fine’ people lose their minds from someone waving at them, now?”

“I-” For a second, Dream glares at him, eyes burning with a familiar, irritated fire that Punz knows all-too-well from having it directed at him a few too many times, before it suddenly dies and Dream is swinging his head back to the bedsheets, hands tightening on the cloth as he stammers. “I- What do you want?”

Punz breathes a soft sigh, regret blooming in the center of their chest. “Sorry,” he mumbles, careful to keep their gestures overly-telegraphed and away from the other man’s face. “I’m just- you’re not okay, man. No one’s expecting you to be okay after...all of that.”

“But why?”

Dream’s voice is small, nearly a sob, and Punz directs wide, alarmed eyes to where he’s hunched in over himself, knees pulled to his chest, hands staring at the sheets pulled over them. “Why?” he says, again, quieter, lip trembling slightly.

“Because you were tortured,” Punz begins, words slow as they watch Dream’s expression, trying to pull out the thoughts behind his averted eyes, “Because the cell was inhumane, and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Because you were hurt very, very badly because of what we did, and none of us are expecting you to be fine right after going through months of trauma.” He pauses. “You know that, right?”

“But I’m out,” Dream says, quiet, disbelieving, instead of answering their question. “I’m out of there. It’s over. It’s- everything’s good,” he whispers, more to himself than to them, hands curling into fists and then uncurling. “I’m- they said I would never get out. And I’m outside, and it’s not- not the cell, and I get real food, and Quackity doesn’t visit anymore,” he shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut as his breath catches in his throat. “I’m happy- I should be happy. Right?”

“Oh Dream,” the other man flinches back, breath quickening, and Punz’s hand stops short from where he’d almost let it fall onto the other’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be happy, man. Not- not after all of that. Not if you’re not ready yet.” Dream’s eyes, wide and wet, rise to look at their own, and they feel more than hear the soft, wounded noise that leaves their lips. “It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be scared. No one’s blaming you, alright? No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

This, more than anything, seems to be the breaking point, because Dream collapses forward, hands flying up to pull at his tangled hair before Punz manages to ease them away and into his own hands, watching as he grips onto them until his knuckles go white. His breathing shudders, quiet, even his sobs muffled as to make as little noise as possible, and they murmur meaningless croons and hums as he cries into their chest.

“I wanna- I wanna be okay,” he hiccups, and Punz smooths his hair back behind their hand.

“I know,” he swallows around the lump that has risen in his own throat. “I’m sorry.”

[doxiedreg]

Me: Okay brain, let's work on this new ref for rechor and not start working on something random again to avoid it like last time Brain: Okay but what if instead of working on this ref I am going to draw/work on a bunch of other refs :)c Me: don't you da- My brain:

Me: ... I swear to god wasn't that like much more work than finishing this one ref for rechor? My brain: But character (re)design brainworms too strong. Need to do lots of things at the same time ANyway so yeah. Have a fun sneakpeak of wips my tumblr friends and followers. From top to bottom we have: Rechor ref 3.0 because his current one is from 2020 and I hate it, it's such a cluttered mess. Moonshine gang that I started around 7 pm and finished at 12 am because brain crazy. I need more gangs for Auro city so I can actually like depict and explore thorn's relationships with the gangs he rules over. This gang is on pretty good terms with thorn. The only other gang i have right now is the hydra gang who acts like they are trustworthy and on very good terms with thorn but in reality the hydra patriarch hates thorn and is secretly conspiring against him. Oh and there is the biker gang who are anarchists and kill the rich and such but they don't really interact with thorn in his crime boss persona because they don't really do big scheme crimes. Mostly petty crimes, vandalism and causing general trouble and being contrarian. So yeah, need to make more gangs and probably design more characters. (moonshine gang is all characters i have adopted in the past except for dolf who is an old adopt i made but decided to keep) Next we have vampire demon lord thorn AU. There is this comic I follow on instagram called beltoria and it really inspired me to make a vampire au version of thorn. This thorn is very much not dad shaped and much more hostile and bitter than canon thorn. it's almost 1 am so i cant really articulate how more messed up he is but yeah there is a lot of angst in this au.

Next there is Rechor's basilisk form! (with bonus ollie who belongs to @blaigoo for shits and giggles because they are friends and blaigoo mentioned ollie would want to ride rechor's basilisk form if she were to see it lmao) this one im not too mad about my brain for working on it as it's the second part of rechor's ref. Rechor's snake form is about the size of a titanoboa so yeah, big cobra boy. He doesn't use this form super often though, he prefers having arms and legs. And finally we have a ref of grin! He has gone through a lot of changes personality wise since his first conception back on colors!3D. When I first made him he was an edgy demon dragon that was insane and highly aggressive and laughed maniacally and all that crap. But now he is just an innocent lil guy who happens to have gone through a lot of trauma and only killed people in the past when escaping his prison and defending his later adoptive brother from suffering the same fate as him. He still has traumatic episodes but more often than not he is more of a danger to himself than to others when in this state. It takes specific triggers (medical environments, seeing and/or smelling scientists/doctors, labratories, needles, feeling like he is in danger of dying or suffering immense pain) to make him go into a demon frenzy aka murder mode but soon after being removed from the triggering environment and being given a calm and safe place to cool down he will return to normal all be it very tired and upset. Grin does not enjoy hurting or killing people, he much rather would draw crayon drawings of his friends and family or having stories read to him or playing with plush and squeaky toys. Because he was kidnapped as a small child and placed in isolation before getting horrible experiments done on him, he is mentally still a small kid, even if he is a young adult physically. His adoptive brother thorn and beck treat him with a lot of love and patience and care, making sure he is comfortable and feels safe and happy.

[liathgray]

Cede I would absolutely love to see a list of why Ed is on the spectrum and adhd,,,, if you find the time,,,, pls let us see

ED IS AUTISTIC/ ADHD!

Okay its like. 11:30 right now and I’m not super coherent cause haha Tired but I’m gonna try to just quickly list off a lot of the major things but uhh.

I’m not dividing up the ADHD and autism traits cause theres a lot of overlap and also im projecting and hve both. AHEM!!

- has a comfort item, gets pissed when it gets made fun of or ruined (his COAT!!)

- hyperfixating on certain fields of research (Marcoh’s notes, bioalchemy, human)

- guys alchemy is his special intrest please listen. Listen. Remember how in Rush Valley he compared childbirth to alchemy? THATS EXACTLY WHAT A SPECIAL INTEREST IS FOR! It helps us interpret and interact with the world!

- experiences emotional shutdowns (Nina, after finding out about Hughes, when Winry saw the inside of his watch, Hohenheim’s return to Resembool etc.)

- Ed has physical meltdowns too, most notably when he dug up what he and Al transmuted together. This was shown to literally knock him down for a full day and the storm made it worse on top of that.

- he’s not good at articulating himself outside of alchemy/ his special interest.

- He often doesn’t understand why what he says might upset people (like Rose)

- uses what he DOES know (alchemy, research, fighting) to communicate his feelings to those around him in the best way he can, like the fight with Al on the roof or when he proposed to Winry

- his brain is wired differently. Like we just see it in how he picks things apart during the show

- this one is small but I will never forget the scene in Rush Valley when Ed was desperately covering his ears from the whole childbirth thing. Like yeah understandable but also. Sensory issues

- actually Ed has more sensory stuff then that. Especially with sounds, I’ve noticed. He reacts to noise or words very animatedly and also Really Really dislikes being tactile. Ed dosnt really want to be touched if he can help it (mood)

- has little stims and tics!! He twirls his pen in enough episodes for me to think its a habit and always does this super specific 🧐 gesture. Also the clapping can definitely count as a reflexive impusle

- low key same foods (ACHOOO Apple pie)

- cannot Compute. When people. Do. Things sometimes. Like why is Mustang helping me?? Why does Hughes keep visiting my hospital room? Why is Major Armstrong Like That? He Isnt great at reading people unless hes close with them!

- the fact that Ed has no volume control and also yells a lot (vocal stim im JUST sayin—)

- WICKED tunnel vision when he gets interested in a topic. It was pointed out straight up in the Nina ep.

- okay my hands are gettibg tired and those are all the ones that can be backed up with evidence without me extrapolating. There’s some more but I don’t wanna have to analyze this too much lmao

[binch-i-might-be]

IM GONNA CRY I TYPED AN ENTIRE ASK ABOUT THIS BEFORE AND TUMBLR FUCKED UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT MY BRAIN IS A FUCKING WAR ZONE RIGHT NOW WITH NEURONS SCREAMING AND WHIZZING YOU THINK I CAN ARTICULATE MY MIND ENOUGH TO DO THIS AGAIN???

No but I will ❤️

Okay so I've been thinking™ about the reincarnation au particularly about the one where gwash kills John (fun I know). My brain has been hyperfixating and I've been crying. Serotonin who? Haven't seen that bitch in a month 🥰🥰

So I do need time to properly articulate my thoughts but here's some shit I have so far

Alex practically lives with John for a while after finding him because he needs time to process all this and figure out how to face everything at home

John calling Alex "darling" softly while absolutely clinging to him and Alex almost sobbing and saying "do that again. Call me darling again"

They're all over each other's social medias (also applies for normal reincarnation au. I have some specific posts in mind but will need time to properly think about them and explore them)

God the dynamic between Alex and Gwash is so fucking complicated and so interesting and something I want to explore when my head isn't fucking pounding.

Alex has a Tumblr (fight me on this) and Patsy and Jacky absolutely hunt it down because he's been posting about John and following each and every update and they're just happy for him while they also miss him. They keep Martha and George updated on him from time to time too because they are worried. Not a lot, just that he's alive and fine.

Alex has Trauma from all that and like eventually he's not like in the same place as John for the night (I don't know how to phrase this arghhhh. Does he go back? Where is he? No clue) and he has a nightmare about losing John all over again and straight up panicking. The nightmares aren't unusual ofc it's just they were there for each other during the others. Now Alex is like panic™ and he calls John in the middle of the night and they both fall asleep on the call

John cannot be in the same room as Gwash without sort of freaking out at first.

Okay good night I'm very tired ❤️ (so sorry for this oof)

OH NO 😭 HELLSITE OUR BELOATHED

what a wonderful thing to fixate on /j but yeah I get that! we are nearing the anniversary of me writing bud bloom wither and I mean I was basically fixating on an au about a dead baby for a month straight lmao

ok ok hrhskdhfjf let's go gays

yeah absolutely. he can't be home right now, and he ESPECIALLY can't be away from John right now

OUCH. ALSO YES

yeah!!!! they're annoyingly in love and both of them will just post random pics of the other because like. look??? at their boyfriend??? look how pretty?? b o y f r i e n d (omg feel free to share once you're ready!!)

hhhh yeah it's. fucked. it's fucked! because that's his dad and he loves his dad but 200 years ago he took the most important thing in Alex's life from him. he thinks he can understand why he did it; he wanted to protect him, he always just wanted to protect him, but this is unforgivable. they aren't the same people as they were back then, but still. how is he supposed to move past this. he can't force his boyfriend to make nice with the man who murdered him. he won't.

no you're correct, of course he does! I think Patsy probably already follows him, but she won't give Jack the url until she's entirely certain he's on their side. they're just looking at his incoherent shitposting broken up by rants about how much he loves his boyfriend and going "yeah he's definitely alive" to their parents lmao

awww baby :( baby boy :( maybe they go on facetime and John looks all soft and sleepy and it calms Alex down immediately. meanwhile John wishes he could reach out and wipe Alex's tears :((

understandable! he probably tries to be chill because on some level he doesn't want to admit that he's affected by this, but. no no he cannot be in a room with gwash, he can't.

ahhh get well soon!!!! <33

[lindalofbroome]

(tap for quality)

24 - Understanding

‘Take it!’ [Sheba] hissed. ‘Wear it. Learn what it is to be what I am.’

Rowan of the Bukshah // Ch 3

im really soft for Rowan’s growth over the series, and especially in the first book. he goes from the shame of the village for his strangeness to realising his differences are not shameful, that while he is not bold like the others of his village, he is still brave. and by the end of the series, Sheba tells him to “learn what it is to be what i am” to which i interpret as naming him as her successor as the wise-person of the village. not just yet. not officially. but a sort of introduction perhaps, or even a simple helper because Sheba cannot be in two places at once.

in Rowan and the Zebak, Sheba made a fuss about the “oddities” who would journey across the sea to rescue Annad, but we realise that Sheba is also very much an oddity herself. she is strange and bitter and doesn’t mix well with the village, but they function together in a sort of distasteful partnership because they need each other. im very interested in what made Sheba into who she is today, but i suppose that is up to headcanons now hahahh

similarly in Rowan and the Travellers, Sheba visibly shows fear which scared Rowan, but not enough to keep him speechless.

The jeering look that had veiled her face had dropped away. And underneath it there was something else. Fear!

Rowan’s heart leapt in terror. What thing could be so dreadful that it would bring fear to Sheba’s face?

Rowan and the Travellers // Ch 4

i think part of Rowan’s surprise is that Sheba is a sort of authority figure, and so seen as something powerful and invincible perhaps (he is also a child while she is an elder), so to see her cower sits oddly with him. but they also live in a village that values courage, and to see her fear probably struck something within him that went deeper than ‘oh no something is wrong’

i think that, in some ways, the two are similar. different to the average villager and so become outcast, understanding the value of fear, understanding the Mountain and its power, the drive to do what needs to be done, and more things i cant articulate right now. i am writing this at midnight so im walking the hazy line where i cant quite remember whats canon and headcanon but i just feel that, if you strip away all the masks, all the attitudes, all the hardships, that maybe Sheba and Rowan wouldn’t look too different. that they understand each other on a deep level.

--

also, this is lowkey unfinished but i am a little tired of working on it and i want to catch up. i actually had a more orange and green fire, but i made a mess of it and it was gross and muddy, but i just,,,, cut it out?? and then put a new green fire behind it lmao

i think Unos’ head is the only thing im really proud of in this. at some point i liked how Sheba and Rowan were and it was just Unos’ body driving me insane but i guess i just worked too much on this that it’s not fun anymore askdljfh

[hoodmara]

Worth It •Nick Smut•

literally a concept I’ve been working on for THREE days and it’s long as fuck, so I hope it’s good lmao.

Concept: Nick is getting tired of jacking off, so Edwin tells him to fuck a fan (THAT’S BLUNT I KNOW IM SORRY)

Warnings: oral sex, language, lil bit of rough sex?

Please enjoy!

******************************************************

Nick’s right hand was growing tired.

He finished himself off with one last twist of his wrist and then felt the warm liquid hit the middle of his bare chest.

Letting out a deep sigh that he felt he had been holding in all day, Nick paused the explicit video he was watching and closed his phone.

He set it to the side and removed his airpods while grabbing for the rag that was hanging off of the small tv next to him. Cleaning himself up, he then jumped out of his small bunk to saunter over to the bus’ restroom.

Passing Edwin on the way, he let out a deep grunt in acknowledgement and kept it pushing. Edwin chuckled at his friend’s disheveled appearance and sent a quick wave his way.

“Another trip to the hub?” He asked jokingly, becoming very familiar with the boy’s masturbatory schedule. Nick’s eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks, turning to look at Edwin.

“Huh? What— what are you talking about?” Nick stuttered, the hand holding the soiled rag shifting behind his back.

Edwin teased his friend, but assured his privacy was not in danger. “Huh? What? Nick, come on, we both know that I’m not an idiot and that I can still see your fucking cum rag behind your back,”

Nick closed his eyes and ran his left hand across his forehead. He quickly opened the bathroom door and tossed the terry cloth into the laundry bag he kept behind the door.

Walking in, he quickly washed his hands and then retreated back to the lounge area where Edwin still held a goofy smile on his face.

“Ok fine, so I had a little alone time, is that a crime?” Nick inquired, plopping down on the couch across from his good friend.

“Look I’m not saying that I listen in on you doing what you do, but I’ve noticed you’ve been..uh...spending a lot of time alone lately and I just wanted to make sure that you’re good,”

Nick ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck, all the signs of a clearly stressed out Nick Mara.

“I don’t know, man...it’s been, like, a year since I’ve been with someone and I just— I get so..” Nick tried to make sense of his thoughts, but he couldn’t find a way to articulate them well enough. Thankfully Edwin picked up on his friend’s intended response.

“You’ve been bottling up your sexual energies and now it’s hit its’ peak,” Nick cringed at his friend’s honesty, but he knew he was right.

The idea of finally speaking about what had been on his mind was quite frightening. It wasn’t a big deal, everyone at one point got lonely, but Nick was someone who always put on a happy or unfazed face. Edwin pointing this out to him just made it feel like he didn’t do a great job of ‘faking it’.

“Do you have to say it like that?”

“What? Would you rather me say that you want to get your dick wet?” Edwin snickered, getting his daily dose of confidence from the way his friend was cowering at his words.

“God no, Edwin, what the fuck?” Nick groaned, making a sour face at the vulgarity of his friend’s words. Edwin laughed at Nick’s uncomfortable shifting and shook his head.

“When are you going to realize that you can talk to me about anything? It’s not like I’m gonna tell anyone, the rest of these bitches don’t even listen to me when I speak,” He replied, referring to the rest of their bandmates who were fast asleep on the bus. Nick felt bad about his standoffishness with Ed. He knew that if he had to talk about his…problems with anyone, it was best to do it with him.

“Look man, I’m sorry, alright? This just isn’t normal for me, I don’t get to a point where I can’t stop thinking about, you know, sex or being with someone,”

“Aye, I get it, it’s not something you want to bring up with the boys casually,” Edwin spoke, comforting his friend. He continued on, “especially with Zion, cause regardless of how much sex he’s not having, he will try to drag you.”

Nick laughed at the comment Ed made and nodded his head. Feeling more relaxed, he continued to speak on his problem in hand.

“Ok, so what do you think I should do? I can’t just keep rubbing one out ‘cause eventually, someone else is gonna catch me and I don’t want to explain myself,” Nick asked, hoping that Edwin would have a solution.

“Simple, just hook up with someone,” Edwin replied effortlessly, popping a cherry into his mouth from the forgotten bowl of fruit next to him. Nick shook his head in dismay.

“First of all, how? And second of all, I can’t just hook up with someone, we’re on tour, we live in a bus, and we’re constantly moving around,” He rattled off, not stopping after those few reasons, “not only that, but we have literal fans, Ed, what if I accidentally hook up with one of them and they start talking, huh? I can’t afford another scandal after I ran my dumb ass mouth that one time.”

“Hey man, you can call the shots all you want, it doesn’t have to be a random person, but let me just say this, getting with a fan was one of the best decisions I ever made,” Edwin smirked, running a hand over his freshly shaven head. Nick’s eyebrows raised at his friend’s confession.

“You slept with a fan?”

“Yeah, you remember that girl Rain? The one with the two nose piercings?”

“And the bright green hair? Yeah, I remember her, y’all were basically the same person,”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t meet her at a coffee shop, she was at the LA show last year and she slipped me her phone number afterwards,” Nick leaned back in shock, surprised that he never saw this coming.

He knew that the other boys did, in fact, hook up with fans, but he always saw it blow up in their faces. Zion actually had a girl threaten to pepper spray him because he never called her back and Nick did not want that same scenario to happen to him. But maybe Edwin knew something that Nick didn’t, so he gave the boy a chance to explain.

“How did you— like, how did that go? I’m assuming it went well, ‘cause y’all still talk, right?”

“Yeah, we’re really cool! We’re probably gonna meet up soon, too, ‘cause she goes to school in Michigan and she’ll be at the Detroit show,” Edwin smiled.

“And she’s not crazy or anything? Like, she’s not on twitter calling you out?”

“Look, I know Zion’s hookup story scared you off, but let’s both be honest, Z has shit taste in girls,” Nick couldn’t agree more, seeing as most of Zion’s exes have threatened to do or have done something crazy to him. Despite this truth, Nick was still having a hard time siding with Edwin.

“Ok yeah, but what if I get with someone who’s a fan and it’s great, right? But then I don’t call them after or I do want to call them after, but they tell those stupid drama pages? Like, what if—“ Edwin cuts Nick off before he can dive deeper into all the things that could go wrong.

“Nick, chill! Dude, it’s not that serious, alright? If you see someone that you find attractive, just ask for her number! Shit, if she likes you, you might not even have to ask. I’m telling you that Rain and I got along because she was a fan, we talked about the music we had coming out and what her favorite song was, it was a bonding experience,” Edwin inspired, hoping that Nick would see the good that came out of the situation.

“Alright Ed, I’ll take your word for it, but if this blows up in my face, don’t complain when I keep you up for another night at 3am to whine about it,” Nick replies, a small smile finally gracing his face.

Edwin grinned and stood up from his place on the couch. He walked over to pat nick on the shoulder.

“You won’t regret, Nick, I swear. Now, I’m gonna go to sleep because I’m tired as fuck, so don’t jack off too much back here,” Edwin joked, eliciting a chuckle and a quick ‘fuck you’ from Nick.

***************************************

“Yo, that show was fucking nuts, did you see that girl who flashed her titties? It was that one chick who always comes to the shows, I think her name is Allie?” Zion raved, rustling his dreads in a crisp white towel.

“Yeah, I saw that! She’s crazy, man,” Nick laughed.

Throughout the show, Nick couldn’t let Edwin’s words escape him. He spent the meet and greet, and a portion of the show seeking out someone who caught his eye. There were beautiful girls everywhere, some literally throwing themselves at him, but he just didn’t want to make the jump.

“I’m tryna go outside for a bit and talk to some people outside, you wanna come?” Edwin asked, walking into the dressing room from his shower. He looked directly at Nick, shooting him a wink. He knew that this was the best time to make moves, if any.

“Yeah, I’ll go out with you,” Nick replied, grabbing his phone off the table and following Ed into the hallway. The two boys crept quietly past some members of their team, knowing that they would try to stop them from greeting fans.

Finally rounding a corner into an empty hallway, Edwin spotted the exit that led towards the buses.

“So, you see anyone yet? There’s a lot of pretty girls out there,” Edwin inquired, speed walking to the door. Nick matched his speed and laughed.

“Not yet, man. But I’m not stressing,” Nick replied. The two finally reached the door and ran out, being met with a chorus of screams and greetings.

The two went out and mingled, saying hi to their beloved fans and taking as many pictures and videos as they could. Their staff eventually came out, along with a few security guards, to try and coerce the boys to get on the bus. Unfortunately for them, Edwin and Nick were much more stubborn than most, so they didn’t budge.

It was getting late and girls started to leave, particularly the younger girls, but many of the older ones stayed around. Nick was talking with a group of girls who travelled to Georgia from Tennessee and were planning to go the the New York show as well. A girl in the group stuck out to Nick, but he couldn’t make that known.

“So y’all are planning to travel back to Tennessee tonight? It’s one in the morning, you’re gonna be exhausted,” He chuckled, making the girls laugh.

“We’re in school still, so we got summer classes and missing those will get our asses in trouble,” one girl complained. Her friends all agreed, wearing the same annoyed face as their vocal companion. The girl looked behind her and pointed out the girl standing in the back, “This bitch is lucky though, ‘cause she gets to stick around for as long as she wants.”

The girl looked up and caught Nick’s eyes on her. If he could, he would’ve jumped over the barricade to get closer to her. The gold shimmer on her sepia brown cheeks shone bright in the street lights. She could feel her own skin getting warm from being the center of attention now.

“You’re not in school?” Nick asked her, genuinely interested. She shook her head and moved a little closer, finally able to be fully seen under the lights. The moment Nick got a full glimpse of this girl, his breath caught in his throat.

“Uh no, I just graduated! Also, my sister lives out here, so I’m staying at her place for a bit,” She responded, tossing a stray braid over her shoulder. Nick couldn’t help but watch her plump lips move as she spoke, responding to some of her friends comments. Nick nodded, finally digesting her words.

“I wish we could do another show out here, I love the ATL,” Nick smiled, the girls immediately agreeing. They all broke off into their own conversations, trying to include Nick but not talking directly to him. That gave him a chance to talk to this girl without it seeming shady. He moved a bit over to the side, leaning on the barricade where she was texting on her phone.

“Who you talkin’ to?” Nick smirked, jokingly trying to sneak a glance at her screen and getting a giggle out of the girl. She acted like she was hiding her phone from him and scoffed.

“Nobody told me that you were the nosey member of pretty much, they just said you were the cute one,” she replied. Nick’s eyebrows raised and he pursed his lips, making his classic flirtatious face.

“Oh, so you think I’m cute?”

“I mean, you definitely ain’t ugly, so when you do the math, I guess that means you’re cute or whatever,” she joked. The two laughed and shared a comfortable silence. Nick moved his body to the side to check on Edwin and in the process, brushed his hand over her own. Their eyes met quickly and she could see a faint blush happen upon the boy’s cheeks. She smirked and leaned forward, close enough so she could whisper, “are you flirting with me, Mara?”

Nick’s cheeks quickly went from pink to a darker shade of red, the boy cursing his genes for his ability to blush so easily. He couldn’t let her know that he was fazed, that was not in this ‘hookup’ plan. So he smirked like he always did when he tried to act tough and flirted back.

“Depends, is it working?” The girl kissed her teeth and tried to hide her smile. She could feel her own cheeks getting warm, but she was also too proud to come off as some fangirl who was trying to get in the pants of her favorite member. Even if that’s exactly what she was doing.

“What will it take for me to get you home?” she responded, fulling shooting her shot from half court. Nick chuckled and pulled his hat lower. He slowly pulled his phone from his pocket, opened it and slid it to her.

“Let me get your number and I’ll see what I can do,” He flirted. The girl took his phone and quickly tapped in her digits, trying to inconspicuously slide his phone back when she finished. Looking down, he saw her name and number.

Nick could see Edwin staring at him out of the corner of his eye and saw his teeth shining in the moonlight. He saw Ed start wrapping up his goodbyes and thought that he should do the same.

“So, Y/N, you free for the rest of the night?” Nick inquired, quietly. Y/N raised her eyebrows in surprise and laughed.

“Yeah, I’m free. My sister is on a business trip, so I’m watching her place,”

“No roommates?”

“No roommates,” She ensured. Nick smirked and nodded as he walked towards the other groups of girls, planning to say his goodbyes.

******************************************

“Where’s your bed?” Nick mumbled against the girl’s lips. She was straddling him on the couch in her living room, her long acrylic nails scraping down his bare chest.

“Down the hallway, last door on the left,” She replied, going right back to attack his lips. Nick moaned at the feeling, loving the way her teeth would tug at his bottom lip and then soothe the irritated skin with her tongue. He slid to the edge of his seat with her in his lap and stood, gripping tightly onto the back of her thick thighs. Effortlessly, he carried them both down the hallway, every once in a while running into a wall and eliciting a giggle out of the girl.

The moment Nick and Edwin met back up at the bus, Ed told Nick that he had to text Y/N to meet up. She was staying near their hotel and Edwin swore that he would cover for Nick while he was gone. He couldn’t argue with Edwin’s plea, especially because he really didn’t want to. With the way her red sports bra was accentuating her chest and the black bike shorts she wore hugged her ass, he didn’t think he could pass up the opportunity to spend one night with this girl.

Nick used one hand to hold Y/N in place as the other felt its’ way across the wall until it hit a curve and then a doorknob. Turning it quickly, Nick used Y/N’s back to open the door and he stumbled in, turning around and pushing her against the door, shutting it in the process.

He ground his hips into hers, both of them moaning at the friction. She was already out of her pants, so when Nick gently pushed his thigh into her heat, a spot of her wetness could be seen on his gray fleece shorts. Y/N tapped Nick’s hand under her thigh, signaling for him to let go so her feet could touch the ground. He obliged and gently let go of her legs. She stood in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. Pushing him back, Nick fell back onto the bed. Y/N took that time to strip herself of her sports bra and kneel in front of Nick.

“Stand up,” she demanded. Nick quickly shuffled to his feet and moved to untie his shorts. Y/N’s hands crept up the sides of his legs and pulled down Nick’s pants, slightly giggling at the fact that he wasn’t wearing boxers.

“I was a little eager,” he joked, kicking the fabric away from his feet. Y/N smirked and began to play with Nick’s erect member. A breath hitched in Nick’s throat and his hands went to Y/N’s shoulders.

Trailing her tongue along the bottom side of his dick, she swirled her tongue around the tip once reaching it. She kitten licked at the precum seeping from his engorged tip, sending chills down Nick’s spine.

“God, you’re so good at that,” Nick commented, his words breaking as they came out. Y/N hummed on Nick’s member, causing him to let out a moan.

Soon, she took his cock completely, only leaving about an inch out. Her swollen lips latched on to his member as she hollowed out her cheeks and moved slowly. She gagged a bit on his size, but powered through. Nick couldn’t stand for much longer, his knees buckling at the sensation.

Y/N could feel the man weakening at her touch, so she removed him from her mouth and let him fall onto the bed.

“I’m not done, don’t worry, I just didn’t want you to fall,” she smirked. Nick rolled his eyes and shot a smirk back.

“I can’t lie, I was about to bust, but thanks for worrying about me,” he replied. The girl in front of him smiled and moved to take his erection back into her mouth, but Nick stopped her, “is it ok if I touch your hair?”

Y/N let out a loud laugh and nodded her head. Nick smiled and moved his hand to pull Y/N’s braids into a ponytail. She made a comment about Nick being a gentleman, making him laugh as she went back down to finish her work.

Skipping past any more foreplay, Y/N took Nick’s shaft into her mouth completely, choking a bit when her nose touched the base. Nick grunted at the feeling and help her out, moving her head in a steady motion. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to his breaking point. Y/N used her small hand to replace her mouth on the lower part of his dick. Her movements got sloppier as she sped up, her saliva making it easier as it coated his member.

“I’m gonna, I’m— I’m gonna cum,” Nick stuttered, his grip on her hair loosening. She mumbled a drawn out ‘mmhm’, pushing him to his climax.

The warm liquid ran down Y/N’s throat, Nick thrusting into her mouth to chase the last of his climax. Nick caressed the bare canvas of Y/N’s back, craving the feel of her soft skin. She let go of his cock, her teeth gently grazing the skin as she moved away. Y/N looked up at Nick through her eyelashes as she wiped the sides of her mouth. Nick let out an animalistic growl as he picked her up and tossed her on the bed. The girl laughed at the force, but was more ready than she had ever been.

“You treated me so nicely, baby, the least I can do is return the favor,” he smirked, pulling down her tiny black underwear. Immediately, he dived into her heat, his tongue licking at her clit fervently. Nick then took his finger and slid into Y/N’s entrance, curling up into her g-spot.

She fell into a moaning mess, not expecting the boy to eat her out. Y/N grabbed at Nick’s messy brown hair, pushing him farther into her heat. He continued to lap up her wetness until her moans began to come out much higher than before. He could tell that she was about to cum from the way she was clenching around his finger, so he moved away from her.

Y/N lifted her head when she felt Nick pull away. Shooting him a confused look, she kissed her teeth.

“What the hell, I was close!” She whined, making the boy laugh. He leaned down to grab a condom from his pocket and used his teeth to rip it open. Sliding it on, he pumped himself a few times before moving back onto the bed.

“I gotchu, girl, don’t worry,” he smiled, then continued, “you ready for me?”

Y/N nodded excitedly and pulled him on top of her. With one hand on the side of her head and the other one lining himself up with her entrance, Nick slowly slid his cock into her. A drawn out whimper came from Y/N’s mouth as Nick grunted at the tight feeling of her hole.

“Nick I want more,” Y/N begged, her nails scraping his back. Nick sped up his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping filled the room. He hummed as he left open mouth kisses on her neck. Y/N started to clench around Nick, prefacing her orgasm. The tightness of her heat made Nick’s eyes roll back, the hand that was holding him was shaking and pulling at the sheets. Y/N tapped Nick on the chest, so he met her eyes.

“I want to ride you,” she said. Nick’s eyes grew wide and he nodded quickly, almost coming at the thought of her on top. Quickly, he flipped the both of them over. Y/N moved into a squat position, lining Nick up with her entrance. Sinking down, he clutched onto her thigh at the new feeling. She bounced quickly on his dick, throwing her head back at the feeling. Nick moved his hands from her thigh to play with Y/N’s hard nipples. She moaned loudly and moved her own hand to toy with her clit.

The two of them were in complete bliss, nearing their orgasms quickly. Nick silently thanked Edwin for the idea and pushed his head back into the pillows, bracing for his second climax of the night.

“I can’t take much more, babe,” Nick mumbled, trailing his fingertips down her chest to rest on her thighs. He began to thrust up, meeting her own. Y/N had her bottom lip clenched in between her teeth in concentration. She fell to her knees from her squat position, but continued to slide Nick in and out of her.

“Me either, I think I’m about to—“ as she spoke, her orgasm hit, her mouth widening. The way she tightened around him and the look on her face pushed Nick over the edge, filling the latex with his warm seed. He kept messily thrusting up. Y/N had to put a hand on his pelvis to slow him down.

Falling forward, her chest met Nick’s and he wrapped an arm around her waist. Leaning over the bed, he picked up his phone to check the time. His clock read 4:18 and he hissed, shocked that it was so late.

“You have to leave, don’t you?” Y/N asked, weakly lifting her head up from his shoulder. Nick sadly nodded and frowned at the breeze he felt when she rolled off of him. He turned to sit up in the bed and placed his feet down on the carpet.

Nick grabbed his pants and began to slide them on. Y/N handed him his phone and got up to walk him out. She slipped on her panties and opened the door for him.

Collecting his T-shirt in the living room, Nick grabbed his sweatshirt and handed it to Y/N.

“Keep this, I’ll get it back from you the next time we hang out,” he said, making the girl smile. She pulled it on and shoved her hands into the pocket.

“So we’re gonna hang again?”

“I would like to, even though I don’t come out to Georgia or Tennessee often,”

“Well it’s a good thing I travel for work,” Y/N smirked, Nick raiding his eyebrow in response.

“What are you doing in a month?” He asked.

“Coincidently, I’m in California for a shoot,” she replied.

“Well, if you want to, I’d definitely love to see you at our LA show?”

“Are you sure that won’t compromise our little secret?” Nick thought about what Y/N said, since it was a concern of his to not get caught. But being around Y/N made the idea easier to bear, and much more exciting after their night together. Getting an alert on his phone that his ride had arrived, Nick smiled.

“Nah, and even if it did, I think you’re worth it,” he flirted, leaving the girl with his usual charm.

[flockofdoves]

college dropout clinically insane too disabled to keep a job right now communist butch lesbian who doesn’t even try to just ignore their bigoted “jokes” digging at me and so many others anymore its hard to even pretend like they can put up with me i’m a monster for being blunt about not entertaining them in never looking at how their actions and words harm me or my brother or friends or just basic fucking humanity.

also just found out yesterday my business owner grandfather had an NLRB case against him in 1989 so lmao! so much for my mom trying to turn every political discussion i bring up into a guilt trip about how he never exploited anyone how dare i say that even when im just speaking in structural terms (this isnt my main point of upset rn to be clear but finding it out this week definitely adds a cherry on top)

i had more to say but i dont want to be articulate im so tired

[maguneedsalife]

The time has come: Nendoroid Mink!!!!

cries literal, legitimate tears because MY DMMD BEST BOY IS HERE IN NENDOROID FORM????? i never thought this day would come and it’s HERE and im ECSTATIC

lots of pictures and incoherent screaming beneath the cut

I can’t believe he’s real and i’m holding him???????

I’ve been wishing for a Mink nendoroid ever since I got into dmmd and fell considerably hard for Mink (who I did not expect to ever fall for???). Minao helped pull me through a particularly rough post-college patch and they remain very close to my heart, and yet, my hopes for a Mink nendo were extremely low. After all, he’s easily the least popular love interest, for pretty obvious reasons. (If you came to inform me that I should not like Mink because he’s Problematic, please leave, you’re not going to change my mind). As the months and WonFeses passed with not a peep, I pretty much lost all hope of ever seeing Mink in nendoroid form. DMMd seemed to be winding down as a franchise, and  I resigned myself to a Minkless existence. At least my other DMMd best boy got a nendoroid, so my Aoba didn’t have to be alone. And I did find a tiny Mink figure during my last trip to Japan, so I supposed that would suffice.

When GSC announced that Mink was finally getting a nendo I literally cried real tears

-20 minutes go by as Magu gets too emotional to even type coherent words-

Anyway, enough blubbering, time to get to the review, which is what you all came here for

As you can see in the above photo, he comes with a cardboard background depicting his room from the game. Aoba and Clear both came with similar backgrounds, as well as Koujaku and Noiz (who I don’t own). While I personally would have liked his room from DMMd Re:Connect, this room fits this version of the character much better. (I prefer Re:Connect Mink overall, but I’m not about to be a choosy beggar!!)

Here he is from the side. Tiny details like his bracelet, the rips on his coat, and the chains just barely poking out from his sleeve have all been captured faithfully.

From the back. The seam on his coat and the buttons are both there. His ponytail is also sculpted nicely.

From this side, you can see his bare arm. The chibi form doesn’t have much leeway for muscles, but you can see that there is a very slight shape to them. You can also see that a few of his dreds are tucked behind his ear. I didn’t get it in this shot, but just below his ear you can see the faintest hint of his braids.

For such a tiny figure, he’s very detailed--it’s just like Orange Rouge to get all the details down. However, like Aoba, his collar isn’t actually attached--it falls right off anytime you remove his head. I know this is done to preserve freedom of movement, but it seems a clunky choice when OR has made such good use of flexible plastic on other nendos. Luckily, unlike Aoba, it’s possible to switch his expression without removing his head--minimizing the amount you have to deal with his collar.

His little boots are so detailed!! It’s hard to tell in this photo, but his jeans are also torn just like on his official art. You can also see that his coat pinches in just slightly at the waist. The details are amazing!

Like Aoba, Mink came with his All-mate, Tori. Mink came with a stand for Tori too, but he’s actually balanced enough to stand by himself.

Tori’s head is articulated, so you can pose him just slightly.

Here’s what all Mink came with. Many hands holding tiny things! He came with only one extra expression for himself, and the other is for Aoba. I’m a little sad they chose to go that route, as I really would have liked to see a smiling expression (like this one) in the mix, and Mink’s skin color makes it hard for him to face swap. I wonder if they were worried he wouldn’t sell without some kind of incentive, orz....

from this angle both of those faces look vaguely sexual lmao...

Here he is next to the tiny Mink I got in Nakano. Tiny Mink is cute and all, but.... man, I’m just so happy we got a nendo!!!

A closer view of his hair. The gradient in his dreds is really nice, but I kind of wish they were more matte.... (though the light in my room is pretty strong)

Alright, time to try out some alternate parts!

First, the pipe! Probably my favorite accessory. It looks really cute in his hand!

Though, trying to pose him also brought up a slight issue: his hair isn’t made of flexible plastic either. His dreds really limit his range of movement ><

I kind of wish he was flexible enough to display it off to the side a little, but oh well...

In this shot, you can see that his nose is sculpted more prominently than that of other nendos.

When I was setting up for the next shot, the little knife fell right out of Mink’s hand--it turns out it’s not actually attached! I bet I can make other characters hold it too...

The knife and folded arm are for recreating the scene where he finally gets his revenge on Toue! (I couldn’t find a good resolution of the alternate ver where his eyes are closed, whoops). The blood on the knife is almost sickeningly lifelike!! 

The interesting thing about this expression is that it can be used to convey a variety of different emotions. From this angle, it almost looks like he’s praying for forgiveness....

.... but from this angle, he just looks angry! Or, rather, exasperated. Maybe he’s tired of Aoba’s antics...

Side note, I love how his lil fingers are sculpted ;u;

Now, on to the Aoba expression!

What a look! It’s of course based on a pivotal scene in Mink’s route (though uh, fair warning, image in that link might be a bit disturbing)

Behind the scenes of the previous shot lmao... The nendos’ proportions make more complex shots a little harder (see also: me trying to make them kiss)

It required a bit of fenagling to get this shot to line up. Since their bases are too wide, I had to go without...

However, the “strangling” hand has other uses too! Here it looks like he’s extending a hand to help Aoba with something!

Here he is reciting shakespeare (lol)

It’s fun to have all three of them together, too! Though since Clear’s so bright, it can be hard to get the exposure down--either Clear’s washed out, or Mink is obscured in shadow lmao...

Clear: Aoba-san, be careful! That kind of scary person is here...

Aoba: Oh!! Mink!! I’ve been waiting for you!!

Mink: Oh, it’s you. And, uh... your friend?

Aoba: You’ve met Clear before, Mink. 

Tori: That’s the one you used to call “Gasmask”.

Mink: .... oh. right. I think I remember someone like that. (doesn’t really care)

Aoba: You haven’t seen Clear without his mask on before, have you? No wonder you didn’t recognize him.

Clear: Hm, well, if Aoba-san doesn’t think you’re a threat, then... Mink-san, I hope we can get along from here.

Aoba: Ahhh, it’s so good to finally see you! I’ll have to catch you up on everything, and there’s tons of stuff I have to show you--!

Mink: Um--it’s fine, but t-thank you.... (isn’t used to being welcomed)

Tori: Sigh... You can relax once in a while, Mink....

Mink: Can I... ask you about something?

Aoba: Sure.

Mink: Why the warm welcome? You can’t have forgotten what I did to you.

Aoba: Well, no...

Mink: Then... why? After all I did to make sure you’d hate me; that there would be no one to mourn me after--

Aoba: Hey, hey, Mink, hold it.

Aoba: There’s no use wallowing in a past that can’t change. It’s been three years, and I know you’re not that horrible person anymore. So... let’s get a fresh start, alright? Now that you’re here, I’m looking forward to getting to know the person you really are. The “real” Mink. 

Mink: I don’t.... what

Aoba: After what happened, I felt like I didn’t understand you at all. It was really, really bothering me, because I’m the kind of idiot who needs to know why people act the way they do. I want to get closer to you, and understand you better. So... I guess that’s why I want to help you feel at home here.

Mink: .... you deserve better than me....  Aoba...

Aoba: Maybe. But you’re the one I want, so, tough.

Mink: ..... ///////

Here’s how I decided to pose him! Ahh, he looks so majestic....

The happy family is finally all together!!! I could cry ;-;

One day I’d like to take Mink and Aoba back home to Colorado for a proper photoshoot...

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! 

My next review will actually come within the week, because another figure arrived alongside Mink!!

[chxrimoya]

ok i guess i’ll finally get around to typing this whole journal post i meant to for the past damn week lmao.

so it’s tuesday night and i’ve ditched class last wed, this past mon and figure drawing today. i just ain’t up for it. for some reason my sleep quality is so poor, even with a full night’s sleep, i can’t stop myself from napping for 3-4 hours. it’s getting in the way of me doing stuff honestly? i get home and want to clean up my room, play some persona, or draw or SOMETHING but sleep is obviously a priority. it sucks but i gotta do it, lacking sleep just makes it so much easier for me to get into a depressive episode. maybe it’s the irregularity of my sleep? for a long time i didn’t sleep past 2am but i slept at like 4am couple of times in the last two weeks or so.  

this past week or two i’ve slowly progressed from one thing bothering me to another and now i can’t even place my discontent. general malaise, as i’ve been telling other people. hopefully writing this helps me find some fkn way to articulate myself? lmao. honestly i don’t know why, talking to other people helps me cope but hasn’t helped me confront the feelings. they’re still there, bothering me, and i would like them to go away? but they won’t anytime soon i’m sure. and i, as usual, am invalidating myself and how i feel so megakek

so i’ll talk to my journal like i’m talking to someone. 

so recently, i introduced my friend, let’s call her Nu, to my regular group of friends who i usually play games with. i invited her to a bbq at J’s house, and it’s all good and stuff, day passes. I tell her before anything, these lot of men aren’t good at all as dating options but i wouldn’t judge her otherwise, because you can’t rly help who you pick. the only two dudes that day available were J and H and both are kinda shitty, but H is way more shitty than J is; J just got his issues to work out. but fast forward, H messages me about wanting to pursue Nu, and was convinced on trying to be a better person, bc one night on discord we were talking about art and things in general, and i just flat out said i don’t think he’s a good person and he has a lot to work on? so after he says to me on FB, hey thanks i needed someone to say that to me and seemed genuine, so my kind ass heart is like ok sure i’ll help you. he asks me genuinely if it’s ok for him to ask me for help so i say yeah, ofc. he realizes hes being selfish pursing this girl because he’s never had a gf, and that J was also interested but he values himself over J. this was mean of me, but i said frankly to H that i agreed, J is in no place to have a relationship because his life is a fucking mess at home; no school, no work, car’s not passing smog and his dad and mom are still shitty as always (his dad can die for all i care). later tho J agreed with me bc i brought it up with him. anyway, couple days later me and H talk and this guy, he’s probably the shittiest offender i know, because he says autistic, retarded, faggot, gook, all in jest and i HATE him for it. i’m not gonna pick a fight because his dumb conservative ass can choke now, for all i care. i have depression and triggers that send me into episodes, so he keeps using “triggered” all casually and it bothers me. it’s disrespectful. so i ask him if he could avoid using it around me, and i see the typing bubbles for like 4 minutes and this guy is typing an essay about how i’m wrong. deletes it, sends “Lol alright” but goes onto his stupid shpiel anyway even though i wanted to drop it. accuses me of “artificially killing the word” even though i just THINK it’s disrespectful, talking to me in a know-it-all fashion because fucking men always do this. so i remember, this entire time, why i didn’t like him, so i decide this bitch is on his fucking own. but me, being the soft-hearted individual i am, didn’t get mad till couple days later and indignant about the whole ordeal. before my anger, Nu and H and me went to eat and shop a little so fucc everything seemed fine and dandy!! and even now i still help this disrespectful child because i care for Nu, even though I don’t know her well enough to be super comfortable with her. I’m naturally an open person, but the comfort i’m talking about comes with time and i just haven’t known her that long. but Nu, she’s had a bad history that ended only recently, and i honestly would kill for her bc she deserves to be happy. not being pushed around by men who vy for her attention? she deserves someone who cares and validates her, but can still set her straight bc she’s a stubborn girl. the men in her life haven’t been good to her, and she hardly had friends before i met her at work? so i want to be someone she can rely on and talk to but i don’t want her withdrawing into the comfort of a man that can’t even comfort and face his own issues without his toxic pride getting in the way. because that what H is to me. 

he calls me saturday before mothers day, 9amish and tells me he accidentally stood Nu up. he obviously feels guilty. but maybe he’s only guilty because he’ll lose his chance with this girl if he fucks up. i’m tired, i comfort him telling him it’s not his fault, because apparently he overslept his alarm and didn’t wake up until Nu called him. Nu also told me that she had been waiting for an hour for him, showed up 30 minutes early to look nice and surprise him, but when she called 30 minutes after the meetup time, she just wanted to go home. she had limited time that day so she wanted to do breakfast at 8. he wants to make it up to her with a gift, but she doesn’t want a gift, so i tell him to draw something for her bc it’s more sentimental. after the call i talk to Nu about it and she seems pretty upset actually, and after everything, she just tells me she feels “jaded” but she’ll get over it.

i don’t approve. i really don’t. i hate this guy but i can’t really be consumed to even be marginally mean to him because Nu is interested, but even she acknowledges maybe she’s been starved of proper affection that she’s just reveling in it. if this guy can’t be bothered to do me a favor, when im trying to be his wingman and get him on good footing with this girl, i’ll fucking light the bridge on fire. but it’s not my choice to make, Nu’s happiness is what matters more. but it exhausts me? i’ve been there, done that with toxic guys and it’s so exhausting. i have issues i still carry and struggle with to this day because i was manipulated and did manipulate other people, for the sake of a guy. and it’s really not worth it. as i talked to her, the friday before, we hung out and spent a whole day with each other... she has a lot of baggage. stuff she doesn’t wanna bring into a relationship. and we shared a lot of similarities with the people we’ve dealt with. i tell her, friends are here to help you carry that baggage. she doesn’t have to carry it on her own. relationships should be always mutually beneficial to both parties. why invest yourself in something you’ll never get shit out of? you end up empty and pining, and anything will satisfy you. it’s not a good cycle to enter. ive been there!! and fuck man, im still recovering. my value is in myself, not in others. and i love to help people because... simply i wish people would have helped me when i needed it. so i help others because they need it. but i wont help people at the expense of myself, at the expense of people i care about. 

but also, i just... dunno if i feel right, being some sort of arbiter for their relationship. i don’t feel like i should have this power to judge, i keep telling myself i don’t know either of them that well so i really shouldn’t be doing the things that i’m doing now? like who am i to get in the way of their happiness, judge that someone isn’t good, and say yes or no to them entering a relationship? for all i know, it could turn out well. i doubt it, because H has never had a gf and i feel his selfishness extends beyond ignoring J, and more of “finally i can get a gf and not be lonely anymore” bc i want someone to value Nu for who she is. 

maybe i’ll write more when i get to to it but this is way too long already lolol

[grizztheexplorer]

Please feel free to ignore this:

Just need to rant real quick and this is the only platform where my friends don’t follow me.

I am blessed with the most amazing, caring, supporting friends. But we all fuck up and that’s normal. My friend got upset, and won’t talk to us. This is normal bc she is the type of person to be angry and need space and time before articulating and discussing why and how to solve it, etc. So it feels like I fucked up and she’s angry but idk about what. She doesn’t do this in a manipulative way, she just comes from a family that DOES manipulate through anger and she just always aims to cool herself down before saying anything. I’m the opposite. Thanks to bullying and manipulation from this super toxic person I was “friends” with as a child (haven’t talked to this person in YEARS though) whenever someone gets angry with me I HAVE to talk about it right away. Because I always inherently blame myself even if the situation is a misunderstanding and I punish myself. Like the situation should be normal. Friends having a dispute sometimes should be normal. People talk things out and whenever a person needs some space to think that should be respected too. Is not like she hasn’t talked in days its been like 3 or less hours since. But my anxiety is through the fucking roof. Like I’m genuinely crying and not breathing great and feeling soso anxious bc even if i know objectively things will be okay, we’ll talk about it like grown ups and makeup and being angry is not “breaking up the friendship” my anxiety born out of trauma and bullying as a child won’t let me look at it from a real pov. Like I KNOW things will be okay but my brain is still constantly reminding me “what if” scenarios of my friend just being tired of my shit and saying i mistreat her or don’t consider her and that I am a bad friend. I feel so guilty and I don’t even inherently know what actually has my friend mad. I needed to rant bc i hate it. I hate not handling this normal situations with patience bc my anxiety eats at me. I hate immediately blaming myself for everything and thinking im the fuckinf worst and causing damage to my friends when i know on a surface level whatever happened was not harm done on purpose. I think she message and I didn’t read (she erased a bunch of texts I hadn’t seen) and maybe needed me and I didn’t see it and proceeded to talk about something else by accident. I know we’ll talk about this and it will he fine and i keep telling this to myself to calm myself down.

People always talk about like forgiving people, specially childhood bullies. But my childhood bully was also the only friend i had for years and was such an extremely manipulative person. How can I forgive anyone when I’m still 21 and carrying a trauma around?? I have abandonment issues for the same reason bc every time someone is mad I immediately think I was the prime reason there was a fuck up and get scared they’ll leave, get tired of me, and never talk to me again. Because for so long in my childhood I was isolated and had to do everything this person asked of me. This person that was ALSO a CHILD. And if i didnt do what they wanted they would get mad, cry, get everyone in our classroom to be mad at me for being a “bad friend” and make me publicly apologize. And this was something that happened every other day for almost my entire childhood. This was something the genuinely happened numerous times a week. For years.

I just needed to rant. I think this is partially also why I have never been in a relationship. Because I have all these issues with abandonment and I’m bad at giving space when people fight bc i always wanna fix things asap. I’m not a pushover as bad as it sounds lmao. And i AM better at giving space bc the friendships that i have now are mature and have been with me through years and have taught me a lot. But it just sucks that I still cry and get so anxious about it.

Anyways, honestly fuck this person they messed me up so bad like I can’t believe i carry this shit with me at the age of 21 when this shit happened in elementary. Fuck her for that.