#but im proud of myself to identifying wjay i did or didnt want. that i didnt feel that way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shayberri789 · 2 years ago

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Thinking back on it and... even though I didnt have the words or vocab to adequately explain my fears or how I felt, I'm really really proud of younger me for identifying those experiences and fears and trying to voice them anyway, and I'm proud of younger me for not changing in face of those differences

#ive always been aroace just didnt have the knowledge to say it #so i kept with my stupid promise theory #but im proud of myself to identifying wjay i did or didnt want. that i didnt feel that way #and rather than trying to force myself to appear allo or hating myself for not beint like anyone else #i found a reason that made sense and rolled with it #and stood true to myself #i was thinking of a trip when i was like 12 to the beach #and we were walking back to our hotel and i said to my mom i was afraid that my promise to never get a crush #had closed my heart to love. i was afraid i couldnt love ever #and i don't remember if i meant i wanted romantic love or if i was aftaid this meant i couldnt love my friends and family #or life and the things in it #(it was probably the latter)#but im proud of myself for voicing those fears and even when my mom gave the wrong response #('oh maybe you did. thats not good maybe you should open your heart to love and crushes')#(mom didnt know any better and what she actually said wasnt bad or even unwise. but it did hurt me. i remember the hurt)#im proud that i took that pain and wrong answer and rather than betraying myself i just basically went 'so be it' and accepted who i was #im looking back and i was a really wise child #idk im just feeling self love right now. i dont always feel this easy love and acknowledgement to myself #shay posts #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aroace positivity #aromantic positivity #aromantic experience #aroace experience #asexual positivity #asexual experience

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