#but if i look at it honestly this is exactly what she would do

[cherrygirlfriend]

touchy subject III pairing: reader x exfiancé!rafe synopsis: seeing your ex-fiancé after four years. warnings: angst and comfort. fluff. mentions of miscarriage/stillbirth and DUI. wc: 2.7k part 3 and the last part of touchy subject! click here for part 1, click here for part 2 i really liked writing for them and honestly i'm considering occasionally writing blurbs for them and what their relationship would shape into, lmk if you'd be interested!!

seeing you in front of that store felt like it might've killed rafe. the first face he fell in love with, the woman who'd left him with nothing but scars and an engagement ring. somehow, he still managed to stay alive.

but hearing you say his name in the soft voice he hadn't heard in over four years, the same one that you used to tell him you loved him every single night before your body went slack in his arms, that might have been the final blow.

"what are you doing here?" you managed to mutter, your hand instinctively going to your locket, squeezing it in your hand, and the gesture didn't go unnoticed by rafe.

"what's this?" rafe asked as the two of you laid in bed, his finger tracing the patterns on the heart-shaped locket resting on your chest, the one you'd worn around your neck for as long as he'd known you.

"this?" you asked, opening the locket, displaying two pictures; one of them was of you when you were a little girl, standing between your parents with a wide, toothy grin on your face, and the other was a picture of you and rafe, taken at midsummers. "i got this from my mom. it's a family heirloom of sorts. when she's born," you looked down at your stomach, "we've gotta get a picture taken of us three so i can put it here."

he let out a small chuckle, "i'm honored that you want me in your heart."

"i think you're always going to be in my heart," you rolled your eyes, "whether i want it or not."

"i'm here to see you. i thought that'd be obvious." rafe said without an ounce of emotion in his voice, the sound causing a shiver to run down your spine. grieving your daughter on what would've been her fifth birthday wasn't a moment you exactly wanted your ex to witness, but this was still rafe. the man you loved for so long, the only man you ever loved, the one you were going to marry, and this was still the house that was supposed to be your home.

so you stepped aside, pulling your cardigan closed as a way to close yourself off from the man as you walked further into the house, not daring yourself to look back at him, fearing the urge that still remained in your chest to just pull him close to you and be in his arms.

you heard the door close, pressing your eyes shut as you stood in front of the fireplace, your arms crossed in front of your chest as if defending yourself, the man's footsteps echoing in the room, "it's cold in here."

"the radiator's broken."

"can you just, at least look at me, or something?"

"do i have to?" you chuckled humorlessly, and when you felt his hand on your shoulder, it felt like the room got ten degrees colder, the man slowly turning you around to face him, and when you refused to look up at him, focusing on the baby blue sweater he was wearing, he brought his hand to your chin, gently lifting it up, just like he did every time he was about to kiss you.

"we need to talk."

if someone was to ask you what would be the most uncomfortable situation you had ever been in, this would be among the top 3, right after you got the 'birds and the bees' talk and the time you said your goodbyes to the same man now sitting beside you, the space between you two big enough to fit another person.

"why did you come back?" rafe asks, without even sparing you a glance. you decide to do the same, your gaze staying on the fire crackling in front of you.

"i don't know. a part of me thinks it's because i missed home."

"and the other part?"

missed us. missed her. "missed my mom, i guess."

your mother had driven you home from the hospital, insisting that she'd stay with you for the next few days; you still hadn't seen rafe. you couldn't face him, couldn't face the guilt you carried around for being the reason your daughter would be coming home in an urn.

she'd gone to the store for groceries, leaving you to sit on the couch you and rafe had picked out, staring at the engagement picture that hung above the fireplace.

you didn't know how it started, how every single vase ended up as nothing but shards of glass on the floor, how the coffee table had ended up as planks of wood, how your fists were bruised from beating them against the walls, your knees bloody from when you'd collapsed on the ground amongst all the glass.

"do you know what day it is?" rafe asked with a weak voice, and you could hear him try to swallow down the emotion crawling up his throat.

his question made you want to let out a small, humorless laugh. you don't know how you could ever forget. "of course." the day i killed her.

rafe stood up, running his hand over his chin before trailing over the short strands of hair on his head, "why did you do it?" he looked to you. "why did you leave?"

"i had no reason to stay." you say emotionlessly, your fingers intertwined as you kept your eyes on them as if you were praying.

"you had me. you would've had me if you just let me be there."

"rafe, i killed our daughter."

"what-"

"i'm the reason our daughter isn't here. i'm the reason she doesn't exist. i'm the reason that today isn't only her fifth birthday, but also the fifth anniversary of her death."

rafe kneeled down in front of you, his hands cupping your cheeks, not caring if it made you uncomfortable, or that this was the first time he'd properly touched you in over four years, the only thing that mattered to him was that you listened.

"you did not kill our daughter."

"i did."

"no." he scoffed, "you aren't the reason she's dead. the reason is the drunken asshole who drove at you. you loved her with your entire being, with everything you had, even before she was born. you would've been the most amazing mother in the world. don't you dare blame yourself for something you had zero control over."

"i shouldn't have driven in that weather. i knew it was gonna be raining, that the roads would be slippery-"

"no." rafe said sternly, "look at me."

your eyes moved to look into rafe's steel-blue ones, shimmering with unshed tears, his jaw clenched, and only then did you realize that he was cupping your face in his hands, his touch somehow managing to make you feel warm even in the cold apartment.

"i won't have you blame yourself for something you had no fuckin' control over. evelyn was so wanted, by both of us. she would've been so loved. we would've done anything to protect her, and to keep her safe. if any fucker even thought about hurting her, i would've made sure they'd regret ever being born. but you are not to blame for her not being here."

rafe's hands moved from your cheeks to your hands, the man instead taking your clenched fists into his, letting out a small sniffle, and when he pressed his eyes closed and let out a sigh, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"yeah, you could've not driven in the rain. but i should've been the one to drive you to your mom's, you were eight months along, an insane man would make you drive yourself, or i should've made sure you got home before it was dark, or i should've picked you up myself. there are so many things we could've done differently, but that doesn't mean that either of us is to blame for it."

"i spent so long blaming myself for what happened, but not even for a moment did i blame you. you did everything to keep her safe, and i know it, and i'm sure that she knows it too. you loved her more than anything, and i won't let some drunk driving idiot make you feel like you did anything wrong."

slowly, you opened your fists, half-moon prints on the palms on your hands caused by your nails, and without even realizing, tears had been rolling down your eyes the entire time that rafe had been speaking, the man standing up and pressing a kiss on your forehead that felt like it burnt and would leave a mark that'd be there forever, before he settled down next to you.

a strand of hair was stuck on your cheek, almost glued on there by the tears you shed, the blonde man tugging it behind your ear, his eyes still on you, his hands still cupping yours.

"i don't blame you for what happened, nor do i blame you for pushing me away. but i wish you would've let me in, to be there for you, instead of leaving. so we could've grieved her together."

"i think we should break up, rafe."

"what?" rafe turned to look at you; this wasn't what he had been expecting to hear after two months of silence, "if this is about the baby-"

"i can't do it anymore." you closed your eyes, letting a tear run down your cheek, "i need to leave. start over."

you turned your head to look at him, his words feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, and even though you tried to find it, there was nothing in his eyes that said that he was lying.

"you don't blame me for any of it?"

your voice was weak and feeble, as if a part of you was expecting him to tell you that he did, but when he pulled you into his embrace, he told you the truth in the best way he knew how to: without saying a single word.

you didn't know how long you had been in rafe's arms; it felt like hours, while also feeling like the moment had lasted mere seconds, like you two lived in your own bubble. it felt like the last four years hadn't happened, like you had never left.

but when he pulled away from the embrace and looked down at his watch, letting out a sigh, you knew what was coming. the bubble burst.

"i should probably get going." rafe let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose before starting to get up off the couch, stretching his long limbs.

"yeah, yeah." you said softly, clearing your throat, trying to act like nothing had happened, like you hadn't gone through every memory you shared while he was just holding you to comfort you, "your girlfriend's probably waiting for you."

rafe stopped in his tracks, turning to look down at you, "girlfriend?"

"shit," you chuckle softly, fidgeting with your hands and chewing on your lower lip, "i guess she's your fiancée, now."

he sat down on the couch next to you while you simply avoided his gaze, not wanting him to read everything you were feeling like he so often seemed to do, but your attempt was unsuccessful, the man bringing his hand to your chin and gently turning your head so you were forced to look at him, his brows slightly furrowed while he looked at you pointedly.

"what girlfriend, or fiancée?"

you didn't know if rafe was acting stupid, or if he was genuinely confused, but you could still remember the woman with him at the jewelry store, the woman who had managed to make him smile, whose back rafe placed his hand on.

"you know," you clear your throat, taking his hand off your chin and turning your head away from him, not wanting him to see the tears brimming in your eyes as you thought about him waiting at the aisle for another woman, "the woman at the jewelry store."

rafe let out a soft laugh, and when you turned your head, facing him, he was nearly keeling over in laughter, his head in his hands.

"what?"

"that-" rafe said inbetween laughs, "that wasn't my girlfriend."

"what?" you mumbled softly, your brows furrowing, "what do you mean, rafe?"

"sorry-" he continued laughing for a while only to be stopped by a soft smack you delivered to his shoulder, before the man took a deep breath, looking at you with a small smile gracing his lips, a sight that still got your heart to flutter, "that wasn't my girlfriend, or my fiancée."

"then... who was she?"

"that was," rafe let out another chuckle as if you had said something foolish, taking one of your hands in his and intertwining your fingers, "wheezie's girlfriend."

you tried processing the words that had left his lips, but no matter what, they didn't seem to make since. "why were you in a jewelry store together? wheezie's only like-"

"wheezie's nineteen." rafe shook his head, "her girlfriend, lucy, asked me to help her pick out a ring. sarah was supposed to go with her, but she had some preschool stuff to deal with relating to jack, so i got stuck with that duty…"

"isn't nineteen a bit... young?"

"it is. but you remember how young we were when we got engaged? or sarah?" a fond smile took over rafe's lips as he turned to look at the fire that was slowly burning out, letting the next words out in a hushed tone. "guess it runs in the family."

"guess so." you say, biting down on your lip, turning to look at the fire with him, your cheeks warm as you felt like an idiot for your assumption.

"i still haven't moved on." rafe said, letting out a breath, "i don't know if i can. i don't think i even want to." you turned to look back at one another at the same time, both of you seeing the same melancholy in the other one's eyes, "there's no one i would ever want to be with other than you."

you took a deep breath, his words ringing through your head as you looked at him, a damp trail running down his cheek was still visible from the tears he had shed, and you took a deep breath, making a decision that you knew would impact the rest of your life.

"me neither, rafe."

you brought your hand to his cheek and felt the tear he had shed under your touch, pulling his face to meet yours until your lips clashed, feeling the exact same that it did four years ago, making you wonder how you ever let it go.

SIX MONTHS LATER...

you laid on a blanket in the middle of a field of sunflowers, your arms crossed behind your head and your eyes pressed closed, letting the sun beam down your face, warming you up as your bare feet were being tickled by blades of grass.

your daydreaming was interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and you opened one of your eyes to see rafe stumble through the long flowers into the small clearing you'd found, a small chuckle leaving your lips.

"don't laugh at me." he scolded, shaking his head as he landed on the blanket next to you, letting out a soft grunt.

"why not?" you asked, sticking your tongue out at him, your boyfriend gasping in feigned offence, about to quip back at you, only to be stopped by the small, chaste peck you pressed on his lips, even the small display of affection managing to leave him speechless.

as he settled down next to you, you smiled while looking up at the sky, white clouds covering a part of the beautiful icy blue nothingness that was so much like rafe's eyes, your thoughts on her. you took rafe's hand in yours, keeping your eyes trained up while you let yourselves just exist together.

"you're always going to be in my heart, evelyn louise cameron." you said softly as you traced the patterns on your locket, rafe turning his head to look at you, a somber expression on his face as he pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

"yeah, she will. and neither of us will ever forget her."

[bisexualcharmanderenergy]

Claribel knew the curse was unbreakable. Okay, that wasn’t technically true. Technically, all magic that could be done could be undone; the trick was to make the condition of its undoing extremely difficult to achieve. The particular curse Claribel had placed, that no man would ever fall in love with Marina Kedar again, could only be undone upon the death of the dragon of Shadowpeak Mountain, and since that wasn’t going to happen for five hundred years, which was far longer than Marina, being a human, would live, the curse was for all intents and purposes unbreakable.

This would have been amazing and Claribel’s coven would have been praising her for a job well done… if only she hadn’t put the curse on Marina Kedar rather than Martina Kedar. Martina had absolutely deserved the curse, given her cruel habit of seducing young men, insisting they give up everything and everyone they cared about for her, and then abandoning them. Marina, on the other hand, was a genuinely lovely person who did not by any means deserve to be unloved for her entire life.

“I think you’re about to get your ass kicked,” Claribel’s raven familiar, Ferdinand, announced as he flew in her window. “Marina Kedar is riding into these woods, and she has a sword.”

“Fuck.” Claribel sighed. “I guess I’d better face the music. If she kills me, tell the rest of the coven what happened.”

“And not peck her eyes out?” Ferdinand looked at Claribel in disbelief.

“I just ruined her chances of a happy marriage,” Claribel pointed out. “If she wants to kill me, she is completely justified.”

Ferdinand’s retort was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Claribel spoke up as soon as she opened the door. “I know an apology isn’t going to cut it, but—“

“An apology? Are you kidding?” Marina Kedar stared at Claribel in shock. “I came here to thank you!”

“Thank me?” Claribel shook her head in disbelief. “I put a curse on you! No man can ever love you again!”

“Exactly!” Marina’s face spread in what was honestly the most beautiful smile Claribel had ever seen. “You saved me from all my annoying suitors! Do you know how annoying it is to have three different guys following you everywhere you go with flowers and terrible sonnets?”

“You don’t want to get married?” Claribel had never met a village maiden who didn’t want a husband.

“If I could marry another woman, maybe,” said Marina. “With our current laws, absolutely not.”

Claribel breathed a sigh of relief. “So you didn’t come here to kill me?”

“Of course not!” Marina shook her head vehemently. “Like I said, I came here to thank you. Now that I’m under this curse, my parents will never pressure me to pick a suitor again.”

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Claribel blurted out. She hadn’t exactly planned to say that, but she definitely didn’t regret it.

“I was just about to ask if I could treat you to dinner!” Marina smiled that gorgeous smile again. “I figured that’s the least I could do for the beautiful witch who just gave me the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“I’m making jambird stew tonight, but you can treat me tomorrow.” Claribel’s cheeks flushed as it occurred to her that Marina had just called her beautiful. “Sharing my dinner tonight is the least I can do for the beautiful maiden whose life I didn’t actually ruin.”

Marina did stay for dinner that night, and Claribel did go down to the village for dinner the next night, and two nights turned into many, many more.

Twelve years after Claribel first placed her curse, she and Marina became the first two women in the kingdom to marry each other instead of men.

A witch found out to her horror that she had somehow cursed the wrong person. Expecting retribution when the victim came knocking at her doorstep, she was surprised to find them rather pleased with the curse's effects.

[letsbangts]

thank you || jjk

⤷ summary: your appreciation for the man you married

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ word count: 1.4k

⟶ genre: fluff, married couple au, established relationship au

⟶ content: husband!jk, fratboy!jk briefly mentioned, sweetheart kook that could cause cavities

⟶ warnings: none just pure fluff

a/n: so this is inspired by you may want to marry my husband. hope you enjoy! :) as always hope you enjoy & let me know what you think!

masterlist

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I have been married to the most extraordinary man for four years. I am planning on many more (a plan that has been in effect since our first date seven years ago and will continue to be). And for that, I feel I should express my gratitude.

Thank you. 

Honestly, I do not know what I am thankful for, for everything, I guess? For him always being there, for him staying by my side. For loving and treating me exactly how I have always wanted a man to. 

Now, you may wonder who this gentleman is, and I am so happy to tell you, Jeon Jungkook.

He was an easy man to fall in love with. I did it in one day.

Let us take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Seven years ago, a young lady struggling with dealing with college and her part-time job gets dragged out by her best friend (I guess I should be thanking her too) attends a year-end party at a frat house one late evening. About an hour later, she bumps into a boy who spills his drink on himself, though all he can do is say to her with the brightest smile: You okay there, Clumsy?

And when she looks up at his face, she realizes that this is no douche frat boy with beer on his shirt, but an unbelievably attractive high-spirited young man. She shyly replies: Yeah, I'm okay. That is when what was supposed to be quick party banter with a stranger turned into a night of great conversation and a polite walk home. That then turned into sweet exchanges of subtle flirtatious texts and small phone calls that had this young lady thinking: Uh-oh, there is something loveable about this person.

As the couple enjoyed many hangouts during the beginning of summer (by the end of the summer, I knew I wanted to marry him) amidst the ever-growing flirting, they finally acknowledged their immense attraction. Then the hangouts turn into dates when that lovely young man finally asks her out. That is when they would have officially kicked off their step from subtle flirting to very blatant obvious flirting—the beginning of a couple that would only continue their journey together.

So that was the start of us.

I am a bit biased, but I will create a list based on my experience of coexisting with him for about 2,556 days on the reasons I am thankful for him and thus love him. The following list of attributes is in no particular order because everything about him is so important to me.

Starting with the basics: His blindingly contagious smile, his gorgeous body filled with pure joy and positivity (and muscle), his adorable fluffy hair that falls over his forehead to match his striking brown eyes, and his effortlessly breathtaking passionate singing, of course.

He always knows how I am feeling and how to match his mood to whatever one I am in. He can read my face with just a simple glance. I have always appreciated how he adjusts his mood to fit my own. If I am in the dumps and his spirits are up, he brings them down to comfort me; even if he is down in the dumps, he lifts his spirits to keep a smile on my face. And for that:

Thank you.

If I could list just one of the things that made me fall in love with him from day one and still makes my heart flutter to this day, it would be his little acts that are natural for him, which shows how much of a gentleman he is. From always opening doors for me, making sure I walk on the inner side of the sidewalk, giving me his jacket to wear, or carrying me into the bed when I fall asleep on the couch. He may not know how much I appreciate the little things, but those little things always remind me I sincerely have the best man out there. 

Silently suffering with the things I put him through that he may not want to do. Sitting through the cliché chick flicks, trailing behind me in the store as I look at three different tops that he says all look great on me but always end up picking the one he can tell I want more, or even giving up his personal space and all feeling in his right arm because he knows I sleep much better entangled with him.

That brings me to something he may not know that I know about him. He holds in a lot more than he leads on. The song he tells me he is struggling to perfect but tells me it is only a little bit of writer's block. Yet I can see in his eyes that it stresses him much more than he says. Yet he is always quick to change topics with a:

How could you have gotten prettier while I was gone?

Or

So tell me about your day. Did anything interesting happen today?

If I did not know him so well, I could have easily missed these things, but I have come to learn about the kind of person he is. He is the type of person who always puts others before himself. He leads himself to take on the role of making sure others around him are okay. He already knows he does not have to hide his worries from me, but Jungkook still always tries to keep the minor worries to himself because he believes they are things I will excessively stress over on his behalf. (and he is right, I would, what can I say I love the guy)

We have come to know each other so well over the years, huh?

When looking for a dreamy, last-minute adventure, he is my man. He always comes with me on random just-cause trips, be it a road trip to the countryside for a break from the city or a train ride to the sea to walk by the shore.

Thank you.

If it is still unclear, here is the kind of man Jeon Jungkook is: He surprised me on my first day at my new job with flowers because he knew how nervous I was. He is a man who is always up early and goes out to surprise me every Sunday morning by putting a different kind of flower on my nightstand with a love note. A man that comes out from the minimart or gas station and says: Hold out your hand. And, voilà, a plastic ring he got from a gumball machine (had that been his proposal, my answer would have been yes).

I am sure you understand what I am trying to say by now, and he already knows how crazy I am about him. Wait! Did I mention that he is incredibly handsome? I will never get tired of looking at his handsome face.

If I am making him sound like a prince and our relationship sounds like a fairy tale, that is not too far off. I consider his proposal one for the books: Ever since you stumbled into my life, quite literally. I have never been able to picture being without you. Will you marry me, Clumsy?

Jungkook, I was serious about what I told you in our vows:

I always want more time with you, Jungkook. I want more time with the guy who takes me to get ice cream in the winter. I want more time sipping beer in bed with my drinking buddy. Although I desire our time together to be endless, we cannot live forever. But as long as I am alive, as long as I am a person on this planet, I will continue to follow you wherever the road takes us. So let us walk it together, alright?

Your dependability and loyalty are the qualities that show you are the most extraordinary husband, the most extraordinary man, and will be the most remarkable father one day. I know you will lead our future family into a lifetime of happiness because that is where you have been leading mine for seven years. I know you will continue to do so.

I will wrap this up because I can go on and on about how you are the most genuine, non-self-oriented gift I could have received. So, thank you for being you. I hope for the day that I get to tell our children about the kind of man their father is, the man Jeon Jungkook is, and about the love story I am honoured to be a part of.

(P.S. That day I mentioned will be coming in approximately nine months!)

With all my love, Clumsy xo

[razorblade180]

Ekko Location

Ekko:*thousand yard stare*….

Caitlyn:(Should I tell him? No, false hope doesn’t do any good. Especially in this case.) *looks left*

Giant mural of Jinx

Caitlyn:….Ekko?

Ekko:What could you possibly want after everything?

Caitlyn:Hopefully, an olive branch. I have to tell you something but you have to promise to not get your hopes up, or tell Vi. This is something I’m trusting with you specifically.

Ekko:And how in the world did I get such an honor?

Caitlyn:Because if it wasn’t for one act of kindness, I’d be in your shoes right now.

Ekko:…What do you have to tell me?

xxxxxx

One month later. Somewhere across the water, in a nice quaint land known for its view of the ocean and mountains, a cloaked girl bobs her head to music as she roams the back alleys streets without a care in her mind.

Jinx: 🎶Do you ever wanna catch me?Right now I'm feeling ignored. *turns corner*

Jinx:So can you try a little harder? I'm really getting bor-

Ekko:*cloaked* !?….

Jinx:…..(Just when I thought I’ve wrangled all the voices. This is a low blow, me.) *closes eyes* (Just gonna breathe in and-)

Ekko:*grabs her wrist*

Jinx’s eyes immediately shoot open to see him right in front of her. She starts looking back, forth, everywhere; her thoughts trying to rationalize this moment because what do you mean he’s real!?

Jinx:Y- wha- how? How!? Fuck everything else. How?

Ekko:Let’s just say someone offered me a little hope. Honestly it was more like wishful thinking.

Jinx:Ekko, that’s not a “how” at all! You left Zaun to chase wishful thinking? That’s alone is crazy, but not as crazy as you actually finding me! I could’ve gone in any direction and stopped anywhere yet somehow you’re right here searching in the correct city? Gasps Did you put something in me?!

Ekko:What? No! Jinx, we used to spend literal hours talking about all the places we wanted go; the sight ls you wanted to see. Sometimes you rambled so much I never got a word in to say mine!

Jinx:So you’re telling you just remembered all that ramble and started flying to the places I yapped about!? Who the heck remembers stuff like that!?

Ekko:Me!! Since when have I ever forgotten anything!? Especially stuff about you!?

The girl was too stunned to speak. Ekko told no lies and he had a point, however, what the hell? How was she supposed to respond to that? She told absolutely nobody that she was leaving and left no trace, yet somehow wishful thinking from probably the world’s most annoying enforcer and childhood memories was enough for Ekko to find her in a little over a month. Jinx could only squint at him in disbelief. Sure, she could definitely break free of grip and make a break for it, yet this moment only gave her the strength to exhale tiredly before him.

Jinx:Anyone else know?

Ekko:Nope. You think people have time to chase hypotheticals?

Jinx:So you just left??

Ekko:Told them I needed some air. Had to move quickly. You don’t exactly stay in one place for long.

Jinx:…..Alright. Out with it. I know you have some rehearsed lecture and rant you’ve prepared in case you actually somehow weren’t crazy and found m-

Ekko:*hugs her* I can tell at you later.

Jinx:You really just might be crazier than me.

Her entire body relaxed as she finally put her arms around him. Despite all odds, he really was right here. Leave it the Boy Savior to yet again foil her schemes.

Jinx:At this point I should call you Ekko Location or something.

Ekko:I this point, I should put a fucking bell on you.

Jinx:I’d still get away.

Ekko:And I’d find you again.

Jinx:Heh, yeah. *hugs tightly* You would, wouldn’t you?

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Something Something Yeah It's Still Solavellan Hours (Mythal is kind of here, too)

I've seen a few very beautifully articulated posts talking about the conflicted responses players are finding themselves having in regards to the decision by writers* to have Solas' atonement route possible because of his conversation with one of the remaining fragments of Mythal.

(*honestly I hesitate to put the weight of bigger game events on their shoulders because of how much I know bigger players in the company were involved, so when you read 'writers' know I just mean whoever had final say on plot)

I love reading where people are at on this, and having now breathed, re-played the scene, cried, read some more theories, and then played the scene again enough times I think I'm now able to figure out where I'm at.

TLDR: in my humble opinion, the conversation Solas has with Mythal doesn't bring him any actual closure at all. It is only the version of the atonement ending that has Lavellan in which he is actually set upon a road to redemption.

This, like everything else where I lose my mind, will be long. I tried to restrain myself and here we are, unhinged as ever.

I was unhappy at first that Mythal's incredibly brief conversation with Solas where she releases him from her service seemed to be what finally allowed him to make a decision based on his wants and not hers. My concern stemmed mostly from the fact that a lot of us are trying to be active participants in a society that recognizes patterns of abuse and seeks to establish channels through which individuals can pursue healing without the approval, consent, or demise of their abuser.

But the more I look at the scene, the more I wonder what would have happened in a world where Veilguard got just a little more time in development. Could we have gotten a scene that more elegantly conveys the theme that we cannot heal every part of our loved ones, much as we might like to?

In an imperfect world it isn't always up to us how someone finds closure, which really sucks when you'd like to ensure a loved one finds it in a way that preserves their dignity and limits exposure to the individuals who have harmed them.

And while it could be left there, I'd like to actually push back on the idea that Mythal is in any way responsible for "healing" Solas in this moment.

I went on a different tirade a few days ago about how at the end of Inquisition, Mythal says words to Solas that on their surface seem well-intentioned or placating, but they actually just serve to further bind him in guilt and a position of servitude. In Veilguard's finale, she still does not take accountability for exactly how much of a role she played in the pain that Solas, a man others have revered and feared as a god, has gone through as he cowers, actually cowers before her.

Mythal's interaction with Solas conveys exactly two things to him as far as I am concerned (I'm going to botch these quotes but my laptop is dying so please accept some paraphrase as I rush to finish this before I go cry about this analysis to my uncaring dog):

"The terrible things we did, we did together." You are forever tied to me.

"I release you from my service." But what am I releasing you to?

Because up until Lavellan joins the fray here, all I take away from the physical and unwilling emotional cues Solas gives in this scene (he is a master in trickery, for goodness' sake, the thought of so many witnesses seeing him unable to hide behind a mask has to leave him feeling anguished on top of everything else) is that Mythal has once again reminded him of everything he did in her name and telling him that all that's left for him is to go back to the fade prison and, as he as always done, endure the crushing weight of his failures alone.

To me, in my interpretation, the Solas that hears this from Mythal with no Lavellan intervention may choose to willingly step down from his original plan (and yeah, that's gonna do some damage) but he is certainly not free of his past. He's going to be reminded of it every time he turns a corner and finds more blight to try and soothe, and even the moments that he rests will be filled with more manifestations of his regret. He says it himself: where he's going? It's terrible.

Enter Lavellan. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to listen to her at her first plea (but like damn how many times are we going to have to watch her give a heartfelt speech only for him to be like 'something something beautiful elven rejection'). But I know that you know that our clever icon knows better than to take what Solas says at face value. She tells Rook plainly that he's absolute dogshit at lies of the heart, and she says it with her whole chest.

Lavellan sees the way his shoulders slump (in resignation yes, but you can't convince me there's not a little bit of relief there, too), she hears the agony in the "vhenan" that escapes his lips (which, don't even get me started on the fact that it's been like nine years and he has no hesitation at all calling her his heart, it just spills out of him). It is not the sound of a man delighting in the steps he's about to take. They're certainly not steps he does not dislike that lead to a destination he enjoys.

And then she watches Mythal (who I can't imagine she feels any sort of fondness or respect for) pull some weird nonsense on her love one final time, and she knows it's her moment to shine.

Mythal, I would argue, pushes Solas down one more time, shames him into seeking atonement, into once again being alone.

It is the romanced Lavellan that kneels so that he cannot fail to meet her eyes. It is she who invokes their connection, not to remind him of his failures but to reaffirm his greatest strength: their love and their love alone is inevitable. Not the consequences of his past, not the regret he thinks will consume him as he seeks to mend what has been broken. It has only ever been them.

"There is no fate but the love we share". We are forever tied together.

"There is no fate but the love we share." *I* am releasing you from everything else save for this love.

Put colloquially: get absolutely fucking wrecked, Mythal.

Body language comparison to chase up the dialogue one, anyone? The way Solas shrinks before Mythal as opposed to him walking off into the fade with Lavellan at his side and standing tall, and he does not flinch when she lifts a hand to his shoulder?

Ultimately, Mythal is a part of the atonement endings no matter what. But it is only Lavellan that refuses to let him walk alone. It is only Lavellan that guarantees that his dinan'shiral ends not in a prison of regret, but a place of promise.

Mythal bends Solas until he breaks one last time. Lavellan takes each piece, claims it as hers, and uses them to build the beginnings of a future.

[youareatragedy]

I think I knew from the very beginning, since the IC was introduced, that SJM tried her best to make sure we knew how precious the IC would be. She made it seem like Tamlin and Lucien got every. single. thing wrong with Feyre, while Rhys and his "family" welcomed her and knew exactly how to make her feel better and happy.

I was however shocked when SJM made Rhys do what he did in ACOSF. Not because I’m surprised a character like Rhys would do it, but because I’m shocked SJM actually went there and published it. I mean, how many people—editors, agents, or whoever else saw the book in progress—probably told her she was making Rhys really unlikable? I’m sure there are plenty of feminists at BB who would’ve said, "Ooff this will look bad if SJM did it just because and not as part of a bigger plan." And honestly, with how possessive she is about Rhysand, a big part of me thought she’d immediately change it to protect his character.

If this had been published 20 years ago, I bet not as many people would have been angry about it. But publishing it in 2021? That was bold. I honestly couldn’t imagine the SJM who wrote ACOMAF ever risking the kind of backlash Rhys got in ACOSF—and even HOFAS.

I do believe Rhys is capable of doing that to Feyre, but yeah I’m still shocked SJM chose to take his character in that direction. And it didn’t stop at making Rhys and Cassian look bad in ACOSF—she carried it into another book in another series. I can’t help but wonder if anyone around her—the editors, beta readers, or anyone—saw the same issues critics of Rhysand have been pointing out for years and said something. Because why would she make Rhys and Cassian this explicitly trash now?

Idk maybe it’s stupid, but I do hope SJM realizes how crazy all of this is and starts preparing to make Rhys and his band of selfish rulers face some real consequences. Because I swear, it says something that Ember felt the need to protect Nesta and even risk her life (when she had no idea how Rhys and the others would react) to stand up for her.

[thisnameisnotspokenfor]

hmmm

I'm only dropping this because I want feedback on how you guys think Asha and Cepheus are both acting.

Pls and thank you.

“Here,” he gestured for her to follow him as he turned down a corner where a pair of doors stood. With a mere flick of his hand, the doors opened themselves as he stepped forward, and turned to her. “Asha…”

“Yes Cepheus?”

“Look….I know that you have a lot on your plate when it comes to astronomy right now…and this might honestly be the last place you’d want to see now…but there’s something here that I think you’d like…if you want to see it.”

“Alright,” she slowly nodded. “Show me…”

He let out a silent sigh of relief before slowly offering her a clawed hand.

Letting him lead her into a dark room hadn’t exactly sounded like a safe plan, but like he said, she did need a distraction, and what better way could she get one than by doing something she’d know she’d never consider doing?

Silently she slipped her hands into his. Feeling the gentle squeeze of his clawed fingers around hers as he pulled her into the darkness that awaited them.

Had it not been for the glow of his eyes or the cape that adorned her shoulders she nearly would’ve considered the darkness to be suffocating. But with a simple wave of his hand, several small candles posted near the entrance ignited, faintly offering her some relief from the overwhelming blackness that had nearly swallowed them both whole.

Unlike the hallways, the ceiling for this room had been spherical, as softly glowing  veins and trees grew along it’s glass like walls. Light from three circular moons illuminated the room’s center, as the sound of the gentle stream filled her ears.

Her eyes traced along the small glowing constellations that had been carved into the dark aegean colored stone floor before settling on the large object that stood in the center of the room.

 “What…what is that?” she whispered, taking in the sight of what appeared to be…a telescope? 

Instinctually she reached for her own telescope within her satchel, silently cursing herself as her hands had come up empty. She must’ve left it at home. Well, telescope or not, she was certain that the instrument before her had easily dwarfed hers and any other she’d seen floating around Rosas. 

“Yep!” the star nodded and confirmed her suspcions as he appeared next to her. An evident note of pride was present in his features. “The royal astronomer’s telescope.”

“So you’re really telling me that this is…a telescope?! Really?!” 

“Of course I am!” He nodded, “The observatory would be quite useless without it….”

“The observatory? So this was the place that the royal astronomers used?”

“Yep…well at least it was until the other castle was built” he nodded as he stepped around her. “But it’s pretty neat, right?” He paused, staring at several of the stone human like statues that stood on the edges of the room, all depicting what she assumed were…astronomers. “Generations upon generations of various astronomers used to work here…each leaving their own distinct mark in their own way.”

“Do you know who was the last royal astronomer? Or…which star they worked for?”

 He tensed as his smile waivered. “Sothis…He was the last member of the royal family to have an astronomer before the bridge was…broken.”

“Do you know Sothis?”

The star frowned, “From what I understand…he met his astronomer through Vitrius…”

Oh…Oh. 

She gulped. Unable to decide if what she was now feeling was horror or a strange sense of pride in her father. He really had taken the job, hadn’t he? Obviously he’d survived his encounter with Polaris… But what choice did he have? As an unintended pawn in the stars’ scheme, he was only trying to protect his family wasn’t he? She took a deep breath, trying to re-focus on her surroundings once more before she asked,  “Did…did his astronomer ever work here?”

“Maybe?” Cepheus frowned as he shrugged. “I wouldn’t know….any mark he’d leave upon this observatory would be far after our story’s happened anyway. So you’re probably not going to find it here.”

“How exactly do you know this place so well?” she whispered as she hesitantly approached the instrument.

“Know it so well?” his laughter was a sharp contrast to the fear she’d felt as she examined the telescope. “Asha this is a vision- everything you see here is what I make it to be.”

 Carefully she reached forward, as her finger grazed the side of the telescope. The feel of cool metal against her fingers left her in awe as she murmured, “And yet it all feels so real…”

Real. It felt real. She wondered before she’d touched it again. Encircling it as her mind took in every single detail and perfection of the instrument’s build. 

Now she could only imagine the the stars she’d be able to see with something like this! All the maps she’d be able to make! They’d be far superior to the ones she’d made with her father… Her chest burned as she paused. 

What was she doing? Her father wouldn’t have wanted her to see this. He’d probably have been horrified if he’d seen the treason she’d committed, both against their people…and his best friend.

How could she have forgotten him?

She shook her head. Probably in the same way he’d deemed her not deserving enough to know, she thought. Maybe she shouldn’t be thinking about him right now.

After all, she’d come in here to admire the engineering of the place, not the astronomical contents. Yes. That was all, she nodded to herself before looking over the telescope once more, this time taking note of the intricate stone carvings in it’s side. She couldn’t help but trace her finger along it’s patterns, as it trailed from the lens all the way to what she assumed was the power source. 

Had the telescope also needed the spark to work?’ she wondered, and as if sensing her thoughts the star silently reached for the telescope with a glowing hand. His fingertips grazing against it’s surface as the carvings began to glow with a familiar cerulean blue as the sounds of gears turning and shifting filled the air as she stepped back in awe.

“This…this is amazing!” she laughed,  and looked to the star who was also laughing. “What can you see from it?”

“Moons, planets, galaxies…but, if you angle it a certain way,” “You can see earth from here….”

“You’re lying!” she gasped as he shook his head.

“Not this time. Hold on a second-,” his brows furrowed in concentration as he continued to fiddle with the knobs, in a way that seemed…oddly familiar.

Wait a second…why exactly did a star know how to use a telescope? Better yet what had he meant by not this time?!

Had he lied to her before?! She hesitated. Maybe he was just teasing and she, ofcourse was overthinking this…but then again…how coincidential was the star showing her this when she’d been asking him a question about the past? He was the one controlling this vision…so who was to say that he hadn’t done this intentionally?

They both froze as the sounds of something knocking echoed through the air.

“Ah,” Cepheus gasped as he looked away from the telescope and nearly bolted out of the room. “I almost forgot about the rest of the story!”

“The rest of the story? Asha frowned before he took her hand and gently leading her out of the room.

It felt nice to hold hands again. Although she had to admit that it hadn’t felt as…intimate as it had in the bakery…but could she blame him? After all she’d confronted him with earlier, she now suspected that he was only doing this in an attempt to make her happy… And embarrassment aside, she did appreciate it…. 

So why couldn’t she shake the feeling that he was…hiding something from her?

Maybe she was over thinking this. She prayed she was overthinking this. But prayer or not she couldn’t stop herself from frowning as she mulled it over. Wasn’t this exactly what the prince was doing to her? Seeking her help while refusing to be fully transparent? Surely the star wouldn’t be hiding crucial information from her while attempting to give her some sort of closure, right?

She couldn’t find the strength within herself to answer.

‘See?’ she could hear the king’s voice whisper as the star realized she’d stop. He’d turned back for her of course, pointlessly chatting away as he led her down another hallway. ‘He’s no different than your father,’ the king’s voice whispered again. His tone taunting and teasing her as the star smiled. 

No, She clenched her fists. He was different he had to be. He even said so himself. He thought she deserved to know the truth! It was why they were here in the first place!

‘And you’d really take his word for it? Have you learned nothing from your past experiences, Asha?’ the prince laughed.

Oh, she had, she assured herself as she stepped away from Cepheus, watching as his expression changed to curiosity, Which was why she wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily, not when she still had questions.

[gothamite-rambler]

Aftermath of Nightwing's Fear Toxin Freak-Out

Dick Grayson sat outside on the patio, staring down at the table and tapping his finger as he mulled over the events from last night. Tim Drake, his younger brother, sat next to him with a teacup, keeping him company even though Dick had remained silent for the last hour.

Dick (dejected): I really hate Scarecrow.

Tim (nodding in agreement): Mm-hm, the guy loves to make people miserable. He has a habit of making his fear toxin even more “powerful.” Like Cell from Dragon Ball. Honestly, I’m still concerned about the fact that he respects me.

Dick shrugged, avoiding eye contact with his younger brother.

Dick (deadpan): You walked through his toxin once without batting an eye.

Tim: True, but I was spiraling and sunk into the darkest pit of my own mind during that time, guess it has no affect on you at that point.

Dick hummed softly, wanting to agree, but guilt washed over him from how he had acted last night. Tim smiled gently and leaned closer to his brother.

Tim: This isn’t about me, though. How are you doing?

Dick (insincere): Fine.

Tim: You sure?

Dick (wanting to avoid bringing up that painful memory): I... don’t want to talk about it.

Just then, Jason walked outside and plopped down in the empty chair at the table. He sighed, completely exhausted, then bent forward to rest his head in his hands. Tim chuckled, causing Jason to glance at him with annoyance, but he opted to stare at his legs instead of retaliating.

Tim: What’s got you down? You weren’t hit with the fear toxin.

Jason (rubbing his forehead, frustration evident): Last night was insane either way. So many people freaking out, children crying. I found out what happened with Dick, and now I can't do anything about Catalina because Bruce thinks I’m overreacting. It’s some bullshit, man.

Tim glanced at Dick, whose jaw was clenched as he struggled to suppress a smile.

Tim (with a knowing look): That was a crazy revelation, wasn’t it? I’ve known about it for years, and I had the same reaction. Barbara wanted to run over the demon woman with her car, but Dick always told us she wasn't worth it and that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Jason sat up, finally leaning back in his chair.

Jason (grinning a little): That'd be too quick a death. Oh, wait, um... you probably don’t want me talking about this.

Jason looked over at Dick, who rubbed his eyes, forcing a chuckle to reassure the two that he was on the mend.

Dick (sitting up straight, serious but composed): I’ve had plenty of violent, intrusive thoughts about Catalina, but I always argue that it’s something I’d regret. If I killed her, back then or now, she’d win. She wanted her horrible essence stuck to me, no matter what. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t care about her. At the end of the day, she’s pathetic. A monster like her isn't worth obsessing over.

Jason nodded, a small smile creeping onto his face.

Jason (prying): But if she died randomly, you wouldn’t mind? You can be honest. Bruce isn't here.

Dick (with a morbid grin): I mean, I wouldn’t throw a party, but I wouldn’t exactly be upset either. Party poppers would probably be involved. That sounds awful, doesn’t it?

Jason (laughing, shaking his head): I’d gladly piss on Joker’s grave, dude. You’re being too nice.

Tim (thoughtful, with a hint of dark humor): I’d burn the bodies of the people who killed my parents and then toss the ashes into a pit of Joker toxin or something. Wait—that might reanimate them into even worse zombies. I stand by the first part, though.

Jason burst into laughter, patting Dick on the back. Dick shook his head with a smile, swiping his hand across his left eye to catch any stray tears.

Dick: Thanks for stopping me from making a big mistake last night and for putting up with my terrible singing.

Jason (grinning): I’m just glad I could save you. Plus, your singing wasn’t that bad—just a little pitchy.

Dick (pretending to be offended): That’s a lie—and you know it. I have perfect pitch!

Jason (smirking): Whatever you say, bud.

Tim (perking up with excitement): We should hit a karaoke bar tonight! Or wait—how about a rage room?

Jason (nodding eagerly): That sounds like a party! We can break random stuff for an hour. Let’s put pictures of our enemies on the stuff we destroy.

Dick (chuckling, shaking his head): You guys are insane, I swear. But I’m not against the rage room idea—Tim says they're really fun.

Jason: He can thank me for that.

Tim (smirking, feigning innocence): Okay, he took me there, but I was depressed at the time. When I went afterward, it was because I wanted to keep going!

Jason (laughing, pointing at Tim): Oh God, you can’t take credit for the stress relief I showed you! I’m practically a therapist, and you can’t even acknowledge that!

Tim stood up, crossing his arms dramatically, wearing a mock-serious expression.

Tim: They know my name there. Doesn’t that mean something?

Jason (mockingly, standing up as well): It means you go there way too much.

Tim (defensively): I can’t help it if I have a lot of stress to relieve!

The brothers bickered playfully, their banter lightening the mood. Dick watched them with amusement, grateful for the loving chaos that was his family. Before either could ask if he wanted to join, he stood up and followed them back inside.

Dick wasn’t okay after last night. He knew he would never fully be fine with what Catalina put him through. But with his family by his side—and the therapy that had helped him before—he felt a flicker of hope.

Tarantula wouldn’t be what broke Dick Grayson. Letting go of the past was hard, especially after what she had done. But Dick knew he had to keep fighting, to keep being a hero despite the shadows hanging over him.

For his family.

For himself.

"I'm a poison... I couldn't save them," Nightwing cried, the fear toxin invading his mind.

[yall-batman-fanfic]

Opening Up | Damian Wayne/Robin & Reader!Magician [Fluff]

Synopsis: Based off of Wayne Family Adventures on Webtoon Ep 23 - 24.

How do you make friends? 

The question has been one of the most difficult questions to ask, even as an adult. Vivian often thought about how she made friends as a kid, looking back she remembered she didn't have friends in her childhood since she and her mom often moved from place to place before settling in Liverpool. As a teenager, Vivian would rather avoid that question, she didn't want any of her kids to find out the truth on how she made friends at all. 

As an adult, it just clicks. Vivian was an introvert, no one in the family would agree to it but she was, and to prove it Veronica Vreeland was the very example on how much of an introvert Vivian was. Whenever they told the story on how they became friends, Ronie would just say: “I basically adopted her to be my friend. Just like how I adopted Bruce. We extroverts have a tendency to do that.”

So when Bruce told her about the certain issue that's been bothering Damian at school, she wasn't sure how to answer and help him at all. Then here she was, in the living room with Jason, Duke, Steph, and the father and son, in this impromptu family meeting. Well, it was them who barged into the living room where she and Jason were reading — he was reading Austen, and she Dostoyevski.

“My teacher said I should try to make more friends at school. Apparently, the other students find me intimidating,” Damian explained. “Which is absurd.”

“Really, how?” Jason asked, but his tone showed he didn't care at all. He just wanted this over with so they would leave the space. He's made himself comfortable in his spot! And it was his and Vivian's reading time. They rarely have that anymore with him heading off to jobs that take him out of the country.

“How about try finding common interests with people. I mean, what kind of stuff do you like?” Steph started.

“Swords,” Damian answered.

“Maybe something less stabby?” Duke chuckled.

“Or something that would get me and your father in trouble or you in juvi,” Vivian added.

“I've always been intrigued by world domination,” Damian followed up.

Jason snorted.

Vivian pinched him to stop. Scootching closer to Damian she had the boy under her arm and asked, “What about animals?” 

“Yes, animals are nice,” Damian petted Titus' head.

“Let's go with that,” said Bruce.

“Is there some pet-loving group in school?” Vivian asked. “Not sure anymore.”

“How about joining a team or club?” Duke offered.

“Tennis,” Damian suggested.

“I didn't know you liked tennis!” Bruce said, but Vivian held her hand up to ease his shock, and she asked Damian, “Why tennis? What happened?”

“Trevor Lawford on the tennis team said something that was insulting about Father and Mom. I have been training to destroy him on the court.”

“Honestly, I respect it,” said Stephanie.

“Let's stay away from the tennis court, alright?” Bruce chuckled.

“But we do appreciate it, sweetheart,” Vivian squeezed him to an embrace. Jason groaned when he heard her call Damian that nickname. It still pisses him off. Damian was far from sweet.

“Jason, do you have any suggestions for Damian?” Bruce turned to the silent one in the room.

“I broke my best friend out of prison,” said Jason.

“Not exactly helpful in this context.”

“Whatever. Why not ask the most extroverted one in this room?” He returned to his book.

“Who?” Duke asked.

“Ma.”

“Seriously?” Vivian glared at him.

Jason smirked, knowing full well about her rebellious teenage years. “Yeah, I mean, compared to all of us you're the one who goes to brunches and shopping with Veronica Vreeland or Lois Lane. You're probably the most extroverted one here.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“Well?” Damian asked her.

Vivian sighed. “I don't know. Never had childhood friends growing up since I moved from place to place. Then in high school… how I made friends… I don't know, we just cut class, played with the OUIJA board, and hid at the back of campus to smoke po…” she caught herself before she could finish that statement. 

Looking at everyone, Duke, Steph, and Jason were snickering, Damian was confused, while Bruce looked at her with wide eyes. 

“Smoking what?” Damian asked her with narrow eyes.

“Yeah, Ma, what were you smoking?” Jason teased.

“Candle wax?” Vivian smiled sheepishly. “You all know that I went through that occult, dark magic, and demon hunting phase, right?”

“More than ten years of marriage and there's still things that surprise me,” Bruce said to her. “I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.”

“It is. I mean, that's how we were sure that none of the boys ever brought it in the manor,” Vivian pointed out. “I haven't even touched one since uni.”

“That wasn't legal until 2021,” Stephanie pointed out.

“What was?!” Damian asked them.

“To be continued later,” said Bruce. 

“Well, this has been unhelpful,” Damian muttered.

“You're going to be fine, Damian. Just trust your instincts.”

~*~

Vivian was at the faculty office when she received got a call from Damian. Answering it, Damian spoke loudly that had her pulling her phone away: “Mom, I need an extraction!”

Many of her colleagues turned to her with the sudden loud call, and Vivian apologized to them and asked Damian, “From school? Why? Is everything okay, sweety?” She was already packing her things to get to Gotham Academy.

“I think I'm sick.”

Vivian paused with her packing. The good old, ‘I think I'm sick’ bit. “Describe your symptoms.”

“Sweaty palms. Elevated heart rate. Stomach palpitations.”

Vivian sighed. “You're not sick, Damian. You're just nervous.”

“Am not!”

She laughed. “You are.”

“It's your fault for giving terrible advice! What am I going to have in common with people? I was raised by assassins!”

Oh, right. She forgot about that.

“Okay, I'll head over now,” Vivian got up from her seat and got her bag. “I'll just send an email to my students about class being a study session for now. Can you wait for me until I get there?”

Damian was silent for a while before he answered. “Yes… are you disappointed in me?”

“Damian, of course not!” Vivian was already walking down the hall. “You're new to this, and it's okay to be scared. It's also my fault because you've been doing so well with everyone in the manor that I forgot that it's different with people who aren't in that circle. We can do this one step at a time if you want. I'll be there shortly, sweety.”

“What are you going to tell my teachers?” His voice sounded defeated.

“That my son isn't feeling so well today and he need to go home so I could snuggle with him,” Vivian teased.

“I don't need to be coddled.”

“I know, but I like it when we sit in the couch and watch movies. Don't you?”

“I guess… thanks, Mom.”

“No problem, love. Now, head back to class, I'm on my way.”

~*~

Vivian arrived at Gotham Academy almost thirty minutes later with the traffic she faced. Entering the school, she was greeted by one of the staff there who knew her very well — who wouldn't at this point, first Dick, then Jason, then Tim, and now Damian. When they got to Damian's classroom, she asked to see the teacher inside, but just as Damian's teacher was going to head out to meet her, Damian jumped and ran out to her instead.

“I'll talk to her!” Damian said and pushed Vivian elsewhere in the hall. “Abort mission!” He whispered.

“What do you mean?” Vivian asked as soon as they were far from his classroom and listening ears. “Damian, what's wrong?”

“I…I… uh… I met someone and I promised her that I'll meet with her and her club later,” Damian said, with his head bowed down. Not able to look at Vivian at all. She did just leave work to get him out of a situation he wasn't comfortable with. Now he was backing out.

“You made a friend?” Vivian smiled.

“I guess you can say that.”

Vivian sat on the ground with her back against the lockers. The receptionist who brought her there called out that they could offer a chair but Vivian waved them off and asked to give them some privacy for a minute.

“So, what's this club?” Vivian asked Damian.

Damian followed her lead and sat on the ground but this time in front of her. “Art. It's the art club. She saw my sketches earlier and invited me to see the club.”

“Are you going to join?”

Damian shrugged.

“Good job, sweetheart,” Vivian messed with his hair. “I'm so proud of you.”

Damian looked up at her and asked, “You're not mad that I made you leave work?”

“Of course, not! My son needed me. You will always come first, alright?”

“Thanks, Mom,” Damian smiled.

“Okay, you better head back to class. And I’ll probably head to your Father and annoy him for the remainder of the day,” Vivian got up and pulled Damian to his feet. “Should I tell Alfred to pick you up a little later?”

“Grayson is picking me up… I already told him.”

“Okay… do you want me to walk you back or will it ruin your cool reputation if I did?”

“You can walk me back.”

“No two steps behind?”

“Why?”

Vivian shrugged. “Dick always make me walk two steps behind.”

“Grayson's an idiot.”

“Let's go.”

Walking Damian back to his classroom, Vivian explained to his teacher that it was just an false alarm she got from him. After he was settled, Vivian waved goodbye to Damian and left his school.

~*~

“Tell me again why we're going to the mall at this hour?” Bruce asked his wife as he drove the car. She arrived at Wayne Enterprise and asked if he was busy. When he said he had his meetings moved at a later date, she told him to pack his things and that they needed to get supplies now. 

“Damian made a friend,” she told him.

“I don't understand how that connects to all this. But I'm happy that he did… this friend, though… is it mutual or a hostage-situation?”

“Mutual. In fact she invited him to see her club.”

“Oh, that's nice to hear. What club is it?”

“Art club. Did you know that your son likes to draw?”

“No, I didn't.”

“Nor did I. I was thinking of getting him some supplies, he did a good job today and I just want to congratulate him.”

Bruce smiled. Reaching out, he held her hand and squeezed it. “You're spoiling him.”

“I just want to give him a normal childhood. Or at least let him have a taste of a normal childhood… I forgot that he was raised by assassins and that everything about normalcy isn't exactly normal to him. I felt bad that I didn't take him seriously when he asked for help about making friends. With Dick, Jason, and Tim they knew how to do all of that, with Damian it's the complete opposite.”

“I know… but we're only getting him art supplies, not an OUIJA board or that thing you smoked,” Bruce teased.

“Of course!” Vivian stuck her tongue out at him. “I already have an OUIJA board in the attic anyway.”

“Viv.”

“It'll be a good game for when he hosts sleepovers!”

“I doubt Damian would do such a thing.”

“Oh, at least let him take a night off as Robin!”

“Tell him that.”

[aithusarosekiller]

I saw your Jegulus post about them not being the typical teenage romance and can I just give you a double high five in agreement! I then HAD to find one of many moments I've written for them which exemplify this and share it with you. And this one is the one I settled on. Remus' POV, year five for the Marauders, year four for Regulus. Context is, this is the first time Remus has spent time with James and Regulus together after discovering their secret relationship. It's James' birthday and Lily wants James occupied all day so she can prep for his party. Lily also knows about James and Regulus BTW, makes contextual sense in the story (Sirius does not know, doesn't apply to this scene though).

Hope you enjoy. :)

>>><<<

There were people who loved each other, like Remus loved Sirius. He would have handed Sirius his body, heart, and soul. He loved him with every ounce of his being. And yet… There were people who loved each other, and then there was James and Regulus.

Remus could think of no other way to describe it. They weren’t two hearts beating for each other. They were the void between heartbeats. They occupied the infinitesimal moment as an inhale became an exhale. They were two people, who shared a single soul. And being around them was both intoxicating and strange. Remus felt like if he breathed too hard in their direction he’d mess with their air, which was exactly perfect between them as their breaths mingled. For surely two people so melded would only breathe the air of the other. And then they would poke fun at each other and their aura would brighten, literally bringing each into sharper visual focus, before it blurred again as they melted back into each other. 

They didn’t even have to be touching (though they nearly always were) for this phenomenon to take place. And for half the day Remus thought he was merely groggy from the Pamoja wielding. He thought his brain was sending him confused signals as he watched James and Regulus be James and Regulus. 

But a massive lunch, plenty of teenage goofing off, and exploring the surrounding forest left him with a very clear mind and the same mental signals. At which point Remus decided James and Regulus were an exhibition in their own category of relationship, absolutely unique to them. Love was not the word he would use to describe them. It was so much more. They filled the spaces no one else even noticed. And it merged their existence into a single organism. 

It was fucking intense. 

After they parted ways, as James and Remus continued up to the castle together, Remus said tentatively, “hey, so is it always like that?”

“What do you mean?” asked James absently. 

“Er, do you really not know.”

James glanced over at him. “It’s always like that, yeah.”

“Bloody hell.” Remus couldn’t get a good read on James’ face for they were walking side by side, but he thought James might be smiling. “I knew he had to be something special and way more substantial than he looks to withstand your affection, but Godric James. I don’t even know what to call that. I’m not sure it’s physically sustainable.”

“He’s my star.”

“Mate, he’s your fucking universe.”

James playfully threw out an elbow and definitely didn’t look at Remus. 

“What can I say, we are infinite. Don’t look so scandalized, you and Sirius aren’t so different.”

“No, we are very different. We exist in the physical world James. You two are already way out there in your own orbit.”

“See why I can’t lose him.”

They took several paces before Remus spoke.

“James, I’m scared for you. That kind of connection has to be dangerous.”

“Want to stop and have a smoke?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth mate.”

<3

JUST REMEMBERED I HAD THIS IN MY INBOX FOR AGES I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS

But honestly it's one of my favourite things about them, the poetic quality makes it feel like they're finding each other again just when they need it at the same time as we're finding them when WE need it, you know?

That's so real though, the idea of the two of them being able to almost spiritually feed off of each other's presence is so true. Like existence is centred around them for a moment. They take over everything.

And it's probably bad in the long run but it's so beautiful that the pain is okay. Because without all of the painful bits, were the good parts really all that valuable?

Also I love your style, it feels real and almost factual if that makes sense? Even when you're describing metaphysical aspects the certainty gives a strong feeling of truth and rationality. I like it.

[spitdrunken]

really loved your Adami x reader work. Ever since I saw her I was like “wow. I want her” and honestly bought the game for her lmao. (Not pressuring you) hope you write more of her in the future :] really saved me here, bc counting yours I’ve only managed to find 3 works with mc x reader

Adami x Reader is genuinely really rare </3! I think she's cute, though and REALLY MESSED UP, haha. Have a little thought I had earlier :3! It's not exactly cute or nice though, I'm sorry if you were looking for that sob

notes: Ms. Crowbar AU (Monster!Adami, has Mr. Scarletella as her servant.), graphic depictions of violence (reader is not hurt), Adami is . a bit mean in this one, heavily implied poly relationship

You'll never know whether she was always like this. Perhaps she was a more balanced, a better person, before she'd lost all of her sanity in these endless, looping hallways. All that you know is that, right now, Ms. Crowbar always wants to be the one in control of any given situation, and is greedy when it comes to her own amusement. Violent or otherwise.

With your hard-to-define relationship, this means that you'll have to carefully read her body language when reaching out to touch her. Preferably, she would initiate almost everything herself. Sometimes, she'll just make you sit down in a chair and plop herself in your lap, crimson eyes never closing as she peppers kisses all over your face and rubs her cheek against yours. When she feels like sleeping and curls up into a bed, she'll always be in the middle between you and Mr. Crawling. (And, of course, Mr. Scarletella is always right there, oftentimes relegated to a third wheel due to the lack of a physical body. You'd feel worse for him if you hadn't caught a glimpse to what she does to the handle of his umbrella.)

You don't mind it so much when she's needy for physical affection. When her violent impulses rear their head though, you always have a decidedly worse time. Like now.

Your hands shake around the weapon Ms. Crowbar pushed into your hands. The human before you shakes and trembles, legs left in odd angles down the knee from her precise strikes. His hands have begun to blotch with the Other World's corruption, and yet… Even knowing his death won't be permanent, your stomach twist and turns. Tears drip down his face as he begs in an unfamiliar language, but the meaning of his words transcends any tongue, human or otherwise.

Ms. Crowbar presses her mouth against your ear. She'd been shorter than you moments ago, but her form is entirely malleable to her own liking. When she speaks, a hot breath of air brushes makes the hair on the back of your neck stand.

"Hurthurthurthurthurt," she says, speaking so fast that one sound rolls into the other and you can't tell where one word begin and the other hands. Through her mouth, she sucks in a slow breath. "You kill. Other not dead. Sentience again return. You understand?"

You do. You've never once misunderstood the way things work around here. But, in your transformation, your desire for violence hasn't grown all that much. Of course, that is exactly why she pushes you to your breaking point. She's still interested now. If you were a better person, less of a coward, you would've objected, shoved her off and walked away. But as the ruler of this realm, there are many things Ms. Crowbar can do. You have no desire to be at the other end of her weapon.

Lowering your hands, you manage to bring your blade to the human's throat. His eyes stare straight into yours along the arch of your blade and arm. With how fickle your memory is, you hope you soon forget the look he gives you. And yet, you still can't do it. Ms. Crowbar sighs once again, then giggles indulgently.

"I see. Me help you." In the blink of an eye, her grip has wrapped itself around your hand, clutching tight. With a single, sharp motion of her arm the iron has sunk into the soft flesh of the human's throat. His eyes grow wide as he uselessly gurgles on his own blood, mouth gaping and closing like a fish on dry land. You look away, but Ms. Crowbar places the side of your head in the palm of your hand and makes you watch.

Bile rises in the back of your throat and you take a staggering step away. Surprisingly, her grip slides off of your shoulders easily. You slump against the wall, letting out a pathetic little whimper. The world spins around you. For the first time in a while, through the labyrinth of your forgotten memories, the desire to go home claws its way to the surface, overpowering any other feeling. Like that, you feel suspended in space for a couple of seconds, grip on reality slipping, ears ringing, and you're just sososoSO upset!!! its sososo unfair why you why you?

When you come to, your hands are dripping with blood, the lower half of your face dripping with thick, warm liquid. You don't want to think about what it is. Your entire body is shaking. At some point you must've sat down. When you look up, Ms. Crowbar is right there, not looking the least bit disturbed. She smiles down at you.

"Cute," she simply says. "Me like you."

[loweffortopinions]

Holy Maker, the dialogue in Veilguard is even worse when you look closer at it. Just look at this:

Rook: "I'm guessing you're the reason we're here." Lucanis: "Who are you? Who sent you?" Rook: "My name is Rook. Caterina sent me." Lucanis: "Caterina… But you're not a Crow." Rook: "I'm breaking you out of here, but… what are you?" Neve: "Rook. He's possessed by a demon. "Lucanis: "It's complicated." Rook: "Caterina promised us a mage killer if we broke you out of here." Lucanis: "I can still work." Rook: "Good. Because I'm pretty sure more Venetori are on their way. We have to get moving." Lucanis: "They have a vial of my blood. They can use it to control me. I cannot leave it in their hands. And… I had a contract when I was captured. One of my targets is here—Calivan. Crows don't break contracts." Rook: "All right, we'll help. But in return, I want help killing some things." Lucanis: "I'll owe you." Rook: "I'm sure we'll owe each other before this is all over. Let's go."

Just a few problems off the top of my head:

Caterina already promised that Lucanis would help us if we break him out. So… he double owes us already I guess?

I honestly didn’t realize he was possessed until Neve beat me over the head with it. At most I figured he was a mage, but with how the classes are designed, there was no guarantee for that since all classes look like mages now. Nothing clueing you in slowly... just BAM: THISMANISPOSSESSEDDIDYOUKNOW?

So you find out he’s buddy-buddy with a demon and no one’s freaking out? Why is everyone acting like this is normal? “Oh, hey, it’s Abomination Tuesday. Moving on.”

And I swear he repeats the whole “Crows don’t break contracts” thing in the very next scene with Calivan. I just… can’t.

There is probably more: Feel free to add your own thoughts. There is more scenes under the cut if anyone is interested in looking at the dialoge with Calivan, and the reunion in Treviso. Feel free to use it however you want (It should be word for word but I might've missed something).

Meeting and fighting Calivan

Calivan (target): "Ugh, this was entirely unnecessary. Zara and her little jests. 'He's already the Demon of Vyrantium! Won't this be ironic?'" (Lucanis smiles bitterly at the comment.)

Calivan: "Hilarious. And now look at the mess you've made of my facility. She always leaves me to clean up."

Rook: "So this is Calivan."

Lucanis: "He is. The target I was sent for a year ago. A Crow never abandons a contract."

(Note: *snort* Did both of them just ignore Calivans entire monloge?)

(Fight ensues. Calivan is cocky at first but grows desperate, talking about not wanting to be a victim or something similar.)

Lucanis: (Exhales) "The Crows send their regards." (He seems pleased that the contract is finished.)

Rook: "So we got your target."

Lucanis: "Yes. The job's done."

Spite: (Inhales) "Smells like blood. Ashes. Not done. Not yet."

Rook: "Lucanis... Are you all right? Lucanis? What are you looking at?"

Spite: "Careful. They know. We're not right."

Lucanis: "You cannot see him. I wondered."

Rook: "We clearly have things to discuss. Somewhere else."

Lucanis: "Agreed. I think... it's time I got some air. Shall we go?"

Rook: "I'm ready to get out of this place."

Lucanis: "Imagine how I feel."

1. The Spite reveal is so goofy, and unimmersive: The player can see Spite, but Rook can't. I just find this to be an extremly lazy way of doing things. Further, the "reveal" was ruined in the previous scene since Neve has already told us exactly what's wrong with Lucanis.

2. So... nobody really gives a shit about Calivan? I thought there might be a bit more... relief, killing the dude that's responsible for the hellhole you've been "living" in for the past year. I mean, the monologue was awful, but to just ignore him entirely...?

3. There are many unneccesary lines like "We got your target". Yes, yes we did. He's lying right there, on the floor. Dead. The pacing suffers.

Reunion in Treviso

You walk into the Diamond, there are dead Crows on the floor.)

Teia: "Maker..."

Viago: "Lucanis?"

Lucanis: "What happened here?"

Illario: (Bangs table) "A message. From Zara Renata."

Illario: "I can't believe it. You're home." (Approaches and touches Lucanis' shoulder.)

Lucanis: "Zara... her people got this close?"

Rook: "The woman who runs the prison?"

Lucanis: "The Venetori witch who captured me."

Rook: "Revenge for the breakout, maybe?"

Lucanis: "Where's Caterina?"

Teia: "She's..."

Viago: (Comforts her) "The Venetori got her in the confusion."

Illario: "I get one of you back, only to lose the other."

Rook: "Lucanis... I'm so sorry."

Lucanis: "I need to work."

Teia: "Are you sure? You should take some time."

Lucanis: "I don't need time. I need a target."

Illario: "You just got here, and already you want to leave again?"

Lucanis: "Caterina gave me a contract. I'm not breaking the last deal she ever made. And I owe Rook. Once that's done... I'll come home."

Rook: "I'll return him in one piece."

Illario: "Thank you. Illlario: Cousin. When you find Zara, I want—I need—to be there."

Viago: "We're under attack. Antaam on one side, and now Venetori on the other? Forget revenge, we need you—"

Teia: "No. Viago. Zara came for us here. In my house. She took Caterina from my house."

Teia: "You find her and cut her heart out, Lucanis. Vi and I will hold down the fort."

Lucanis: "I'll give her your regards, Teia."

Teia: "For Caterina."

This last one is so very... disjointed. It feels like they're talking past each other half the time. And suddenly they remember; right EXPOSITION. It feels very random that they bring up the Antaam here.

Rook could've been silent this entire conversation, and it wouldn't make a difference; nothing they say contribute to the conversation. The only one that really reacts to them is Illario, barley.

So Lucanis is tasked with taking care of two Gods, AND to take care of Zara? The guy who just got out of prison, and is possessed? Fucking hell, the guy doesn't get a break. Sure, he says he wants to work... But just maybe someone else could deal with Zara, considering the contract he just undertook?

[soulfulazrael]

Haven't watched Mastermind episode (and wont), but will talk about stuff I saw from it and heard about it

So... I as you who follow my ramblings here probably know (all 2 of you probably). I do not watch this show anymore because I don't care about it's story. Apparently this new episode is BEST OF THE SEASON, but since rest of the season at best gave me a feeling of pure apathy and at worst INCREDIBLE disdain and lack of faith in humanity I say good middle ground is talking about pieces I saw because at this point I don't think I can stand watching this show for longer than 5 minutes at a time.

I make my own story for HB/HH so I will make some comparisons to my own story and plans... Maybe one day I will do bigger post about how my versions of Sins and other things look. No arts though... no talent on my part. Eh... Or maybe... Eh we will see. Probably not, but... Maybe... I dunno.

Comparisons will be mostly about Sins. And the thing I reference is a fic called Song for the Quiet Bird that for now is center of my AU where I make things of Hellaverse in my own way.

So first off. Stella moment. Probably the first thing I saw from it when I heard about it. When I saw that scene I was like: Wow. Actually proper moment where Stella shows more of a character and maybe nuance aAAAAAAaaaand the smirk...

You are amazing at failing every expectation aren't you HB? YOU KNOW SHE LE EVIL!? YOU KNOW SHE BAD!? YOU KNOW STOLAS GOOD!?

Yes I do. I am deaf from the amount of SCREAMING you are throwing at me about this every other minute. Thank you. I am not a 5 year old. She evil. What you do with it? Also apparently NOW she has a brain compared all other times besides season 1 where she had more of a peanut there? What is it? Also incest with her brother? Great... Keep on going with this. I am sure at some point even completely blind AND deaf people will understand how evil she and Andy Magic are. I sadly missed the part where I am supposed to find them interesting. But HEY at least it gives such a great explanation of why Octavia sees Stella as better parent than Stolas which is clearly shown in some of that promotional material... entire one scene... that is not a minute long even and has no dialogue between them. No chemistry or anything... Let's be honest though. For most fans that's probably enough. Just slap one or two scenes later of Andy Magic and Stella saying how bad Stolas is and you are golden... Fuck my life as it is not even a joke. Jesus.

Okay. Besides that... tragedy? I dunno. There is also SINS! Leviathan and Belphegor...

Well... that's just amazingly underwhelming. You know there is a problem when I cannot tell if a character is even meant to be someone special. Because what the Hell (get it? HELL!) is this? They look like about nothing Demons. They are barely more interesting visually than any other shmuck we saw in this world. Ozzie keeps being the best design out of all of them with most distinct and accurate one and I am starting to feel like it is only because Viv took years in making it before hastily making ones for everyone else. Seriously, would you even be able to tell they are meant to be important characters? Because they look like everyone else in this world.

Now funnily enough I have my own concepts for those in my AU. Not exactly more interesting visually as again... not an artist and it is still more concept thing as I keep figuring things out, but this is the current form I want to get them across. I think they do the job on some level in terms of what they are meant to be. One is Leviathan. It is... interesting to portray it with 2 heads... a reason for that kind of eludes, but who am I to judge? But I know in my version it will just honestly a large beast swimming across endless waters of Envy. A giant sea monster that keeps itself in a giant form among domes of Envy where cities are with immeasurable wealth and power, a creature meant to be envied. But also a creature that envies deeper than any other over the loss of their partner at the hand of God, not being able to be close with anyone or even be understood. A creature who's deep resentment and pain created entire Ring around them.

If I made a scene like that with 'sins' meeting I think it would be with a High Demon that serves as a high priest/priestess of the Leviathan faith. As all very high rank demons like Sins, certain Goetia Kings and other VERY important figures have their own religion that Hellborn MUST adhere to, in a way choose their deity and in this case it would be a Demon from said church of Leviathan that interprets them... cluelessly.

While Belphegor would not be much different as a creature that also is a larger than life being. But this one being like a giant, anthropomorphic crocodile like being similar to SCP 682, but more... static. Basically giant center point of a garbage heap that is Sloth in my AU. In some ways beautiful, but also incredibly toxic and dangerous to everything wasteland. Very bottom of Hell. Horrible place where you can be killed by some horrifying monsters with no real mind that prey on the helpless. As Belphegor itself (dunno if it even has gender) exudes aura of sloth where most Demons that come to sloth will be at some point forced to lay down and stay in place. "Bask under non existent sun" which is a term used in that version of Hell a bit to call someone lazy and it comes from that which can spell someone's horrid death.

Those are my ideas for those. But next one is the big boy himself. The Big S. Adversary. Satan.

He looks alright. Nothing you would not imagine a Satan to be. He looks dragon like, buff (even if he skipped leg day) and has funny horns of Imps. Also he has little therapist... which is funny because in my fic I also have a trial with the main judge there (in that case Lucifugus or Lucifuge Rofocale) who also has his own little therapist thing (alongside some other annoyances... and far more misery). It is funny how I guess both me and Viv kind of agree people in high political power in Hell would have their own therapist. In my version though he keeps them deep within the tower he resides in. But either way. Can't say his design or personality is something I did not see coming.

As for my version I will go with... yeah it will be quite different. Better or not. Your choice. A centaur like being that has 4 big arms, molten lava in his veins and skull on top of his body looking like a goat or dragon like being (still thinking on that). A demented monstrosity who's head went awry due to their perpetual rage who can now think of nothing, but drowning everything in so much blood that he will one day swim on that tide of gore to the Pearly Gates and smash them open in ultimate showing of their superiority over all of creation. Something his kin the Imps for the most part also believe and praise. A promise of sea of gore and glorious war. Not the kind of creature that would hold a trial. In that world it's more of a Lucifuge thing... or Lucifer if he is mood for jokes and tormenting some poor souls for their amusement.

Also I hear Stolas lost all his wealth and power over... NOT the shitty things that he did, just that he was forced to lie for the sake of I.M.P.... Eh... The avoidance of responsibility continues. Even when characters face consequences it can NEVER be over their own actions. It has to be something that can be proven wrong and goddamn will that probably be true with Via as well. Because let me tell you they are most likely going to make her be in the wrong for hating poor little Stolas baby and I hate it already. I know making assumptions is not good, but by GOD were they good at making those expectations of nuance low so far...

Actually what expectations? I don't watch this show anymore. But I am passionate about it's ideas... and that hurts me. A lot. I made this entire post because of those... and make a fic that has now few HUNDRED THOUSAND words. Damn. No idea if my version is better or worse... but it is one I prefer. It is different definitely. Even though in certain ways it's weirdly similar.

[drdemonprince]

So I met a guy on a dating app. He’s also Autistic and we have a lot in common. Really hit it off and after some conversation he’s like To be honest I’m not looking for a relationship and I have someone else I really like but she’s not wanting a full on relationship either so we’re looking at ENM or maybe Poly but if that’s not your thing I understand. So I’m a bit disappointed but he’s sweet so I’m like ok let’s be friends.

Then it almost immediately gets sexual and we talk a lot about kink and fetish stuff that we seem pretty aligned with. Which is rare. We sexted a bit and it was great.

But today he told me he’s going on a date with someone. It’s actually a chick I also met off the the same app (I’m bi) but that didn’t bother me. What did bother me was that I got this instant reaction like upset that he was going on a date. It triggered something in me.

Not mad at all with him as he’s been super honest. But didn’t anticipate my own reactions.

So now I have to decide if I stop talking to him and let this go or if I try to move past it and enjoy the positive sides of our friendship.

We had tentative plans to meet in a few weeks time (we don’t live super close to each other). As a date but not a date.

Now I’m super confused about what to do. Especially as I really don’t meet many people that I vibe with and share similar “interests” with etc.

Just not entirely sure I’m built for the whole sharing thing…

Respectfully, it sounds like this dude fucking sucks ass at polyamory and doesn't know what the hell he's doing, and you're gonna get hurt.

First of all, he told you that he was poly because he is down bad for someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with him? And so what, he's using his other dating partners as some kind of emotional or sexual stopgap?

That's objectifying and downgrading his potential future partners, including you, from the very start -- and it's setting you up to always be in the position of offering him temporary succor from the unrequited desires he has for this other person, only to be sidelined when she IS giving him a lot of attention. Sure, it's great he's being honest or whatever -- but the situation he's inviting you into is honestly disrespectful. You were disappointed to learn about this situation from the start. That feeling is an important signal! He's made it clear that he's not actually emotionally available and will NOT be consistent with you, and believes he has no reason to be.

It's also quite telling that after he established the nature of his relationship with this other person, he pivoted to getting very overtly sexual with you. This makes me wonder a lot about the woman he is pining away for, and what the terms of their relationship is according to her. (because if they're agreeing to get ENM or poly together, that's a relationship! Even if she says it's not a relationship).

Did she tell him that she cares about him but that she doesn't want to fuck him? Is she just less available than he'd like her to be, in terms of time and number of dates? What the hell is this arrangement between the two of them, how much of it was her proposal versus his idea, and where the hell do you fit in in all that?

If two people aren't fully sexually compatible and both parties want to explore sex and kink outside of their relationship to one another, that's fine; I'm living in that situation and it works great. But you have to approach prospective sexual partners with equal respect as you would your pre-existing partner (or whatever the hell she is to him, since they say they're not in a relationship?), and be clear about what you are and are not available for. It seems to me he asked you to be some kind of non-monogoamous, not-exactly-romantic-but-intimate "friends" with one another, and then tried to transition you into being a kinky sex partner once you expressed you could work with that.

I don't mean to remove your agency from this or act as if this is all something he is doing "to" you, because you expressed some interest in him and said the sexual connection is there. But... how much of this arrangement or how any of this is going has had anything to do with you or your stated preferences? Are you just going along with the flow because he seems nice and you want to see some possibilities there and for each new curveball he's throwing you, you're having to find some new way to justify it and make sense of it? What about what you want? What about your feelings? Why do you not get to determine what the relationship even is or where it is going, and he does? Because he's not getting what he wants elsewhere? That's not a good reason. That has nothing to do with you.

It makes sense to me, in light of what a mess his handling of this has been, that when you found out he was also pursuing other casual sexual partners that you felt jealous. Perhaps seeing him seeking out other non-committal, kind of formless sexual encounters with other people made you worry that you were being seen and treated by him in the same way, or that you were basically just a cog he was trying to slot into place for the time being. Or maybe you already felt on some level that you weren't given primacy in your relationship -- because this is a relationship of a kind! -- and now you have to worry about a whole other person who he has his own feelings for and agendas about altering how he relates to you.

You're not in the driver's seat in this relationship, hell you're not even really being consulted -- he's just making decisions about the various women in his life that he's trying to have meet needs for him and plugging them in and out of those roles as it suits him. The actual arrangement you all have entered into could be completely fine if all parties actively wanted it and had clarity and control over their own positions -- I'm a non-monogamous but *not* polyamorous person who dates people casually, and so i explicitly seek out others who are looking only for casual sex, that kind of stuff is fine -- but instead, this guy seems to be just making his choices up on the fly based on when he's horny, or lonely, or who is around and easy to get to.

I think you're giving a lot more latitude to him than he deserves, here. I'm not saying you need to dump him if you don't want to, if the sex seems like it could be fun you should go for it -- but on your terms. What do YOU want out of this connection? How do you see it? How much quality time, consistency, and commitment do you need? How comfortable are you with being non-monogamous and what kind of non-monogamy do you actively *want*? Do you see this guy as a friend? A casual partner (but a partner nonetheless)? A fuckbuddy?

There's a significant distance between you two, you two have been talking a lot, you call him a friend, and you call your plans to get together a "date." This is a relationship, whether he likes to admit it or not, and that comes with responsibilities to treat one another well and be honest, and to respect the other person's needs. And he doesn't seem to be showing any sense of responsibility toward the people he is in relationships with, and maybe doesn't even see them as relationships at all? He might seem nice, but the way he is navigating all of this is very selfish and instrumentalizes other people -- and so I think you should listen to that feeling you have of insecurity, because it's signalling that he's put you in a very insecure place.

Tagging in my homie @pastimperfection who always enjoys yelling about people doing poly badly

[godilovecinnamon222]

how to surv1ve thanksgiving and christmas d1nn3r with an 3d mini guide!

disclaimer:

i am by no means encouraging anyone to st4rv3 or to follow this guide, i made it hoping that it would reach the people that know they'll be struggling at holidays and that need this help. i know how scary and how hard it is to try and keep an 3d a secret, this is supposed to help the people that need to know how to avoid the judgement and the oddly terrifying questions that get thrown at them.

how to prepare:

i would say there's 2 ways to go about the day before the d1nn3r, e4ting so that you won't p4ss out infront of your entire family, or f4$ting, this is really up to you. i have a pretty good tolerance for not p4$sing out so i will probably be f4$ting but it's totally your choice!! you can also try and calculate how much your going to e4t and burn c41s according to that (i'll list basic f00ds and numbers at the bottom)

"why is there like nothing on your plate??"

first off the best way to avoid this entirely is to just make a plate, i'd rather avoid people finding out so i can keep doing what im doing

for your plate (if you make one) load it up with tonsss of vegetables or fruit but i feel like fruit is never really served tbh, and some meat bc yay protein, sometimes ill throw a roll on there to make my plate look a little better but i don't ever really eat it, my whole family thinks im a very picky e4ter and they know i dont like thanksgiving food so im typically able to get away with throwing out f00d. and family dinners are so chaotic that people don't even realize sometimes.

you can also cut your f00d up and reshape it etc (yall know this meathod 🙏) to make it look like you at3, mashed potatoes are very easy to spread around and make them look like less. here's some excuses you can use to respond to the question:

" oh i atę earlier!!" this is a classic obviously but if your with people before hand e4t a little something in front of them and really make sure they notice.

" i dont feel to good right now."

" im not super hun6ry" also a classic but in classics we trust!

"last time i atę ____ it made feel really sick"

" oh i'm allergic to ____" allergies are a solid excuse but i wouldn't use it unless you actually have them

" gotta save room for dessert!!" don't worry i'll also be explaining how you can get through that to

dessert:

i feel like this is almost more stressful than the main meal, honestly me and my favorite cousin walk like crazy when ever we're together so sometimes i get lucky and miss dessert and than it sits out but there's no one really makeing me ęat it, for our family dessert is mostly optional and my mom knows i don't like e4tin6 a ton of junk so she won't suspect anything but if your family's forcefull here's a few things you can do:

-go for something that you know is lower in c41s or a safe f00d for you

-have very tiny servings

- bake something yourself so you know exactly what your getting

-talk about how full you are while your eating dinner so people think less at dessert

" i might have something in a little bit!!" try to avoid saying things about f00d, like im still full from dinner or im letting my f00d settle, because than you won't have to deal with "but you barely 4tę anything!!"

know what your 3ating:

all of these are measured by the s3rving siz3 (also going to be listed) they may also vary depending on brands, ingredients, toppings, blah blah blah you guys probably know that. this is basically just a rough estimate

cranberry suace: 86 c41s, one slice (about 8 slices per can take that as you will)

- mashed potatoes: 214 c41s (1 cup)

- sweet potato casserole: 235 c41s (1 cup)

- green bean casserole: 200-230 c41s ( a little under 1 cup)

- green beans: 31 c41s (1 cup)

- broccoli: 31 c41s (1 cup)

- asparagus: 32 c41s (10 spears)

- mac and cheese: 310 c41s(1 cup)

- turkey: 240 c41s (1 cup)

- gravy: 36 c41s (3 tbs)

- stuffing: 300-400 c41s (1 cup)

- rolls: 80-150 c41s (one roll)

- pumpkin pie: 300-450 c41s (one slice)

- apple pie: 300-450 c41s (one slice)

- pecan pie 400-500 c41s (one slice)

these f00ds are mostly for thanksgiving because the whole holiday is centered around f00d and i actually despise that, let me know if i missed anything you want me to add to the list or if any of these are incorrect!!

with all of that said, if you enjoy thanksgiving or anything to do with f00d in general, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!!! no matter where you stand your 3d is still valid. so if you choose to try and make the best of the holidays to whatever extent that may be go right ahead and don't let anyone else stop you, make your self a plate of your your favorite things and go back for dessert twice if that's what you choose, one day won't ruin every step of progress you made, as long as you don't loose yourself entirely you will be ok!!

no matter who you are or how your struggling, your 3d is valid, good luck, be safe, and happy holidays!!!

[elaynetrakand]

I know I'm out of step with most of my fellow Al*cent supporters on this, but idk, I just think it took a lot of gall to tell the son whom she pushed onto a throne he never asked for, and who's still grieving his own son who was murdered because of it, that he doesn't know about sacrifice.