#but i'm tired and i honestly shouldn't have to tell some of y'all any of this mess

[diagonal-queen]

hello can i request dazai, kunikida, and fyodor with an insomniac s/o who's really tired after a busy day but can't seem to fall asleep no matter what and gets frustrated bc of it

"Can't sleep?"

♡ pairing: Dazai Osamu, Doppo Kunikida, Fyodor Dostoyevsky x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do they help their S/O with insomnia get to sleep?

♡ cw: Reader is an insomniac (I genuinely don't know how that would manifest itself as a trigger but hey! I'm just one person in a sheltered world. Stay safe everyone <3), probably super inaccurate because I myself am not an insomniac and don't really know everything about it, Dazai horny, mentions of taking medication, mentions of alcohol, swearing

note: I feel like garbage cus my writing takes forever and I feel like I'm letting y'all down for taking so long with reqs, but I don't know what to do to fix itttttttt. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Dazai:

Well reader. You're lucky you cuffed yourself a night owl

He'll help you calm down from your frustration and tell you that it's fully normal. Everyone has trouble falling asleep, and you just haven't figured out an effective routine yet. He doesn't really know what he's talking about but if it makes you feel better then meh

His first suggestion would probably be sex, to tire you out. Even better if you go for multiple rounds just to be sure~

Yeah right Dazai, like anyone's gonna wanna fuck every single work night (besides him lmao). Safe to say, the idea is thrown out pretty quickly

He'll throw some similar ideas around (not necessarily sexual but certainly 'if they're tired out then they'll fall asleep faster') but those are all just temporary solutions, so he gives up quickly. What else did you expect from him?

He might also suggest drinking yourself to sleep since alcohol is a depressant and makes you tired. You have to remind him that excessive drinking is actually not good for you and should NOT be used as a substitute for sleep meds

He reckons that it's best for you two to let sleep overtake you naturally, and so you may as well just stay up for now.

From then on Dazai treats every single night like a sleepover. He'll wanna watch movies, eat snacks, and talk all night even if it's a work night and you absolutely shouldn't do that

If you want, he's happy to do something more chill like cuddling while sharing a pair of earphones playing mellow music

Whatever it is that the pair of you decide to do, he'll likely find that it helps him just as much, maybe even more, than it helps you. And he's grateful for that

Kunikida:

I feel like Kunikida also has at least mild insomnia, so he knows just how you feel and is right there to help you out

He's got it all ready. Fans/blankets to balance out the room's temperature, a warm drink (milk, tea, whatever you prefer), basically all the stuff Google would suggest

He would do all of that stuff alongside you even if he's already tired enough to fall asleep on his own because he understands the struggle. He doesn't give up until you're asleep and honestly get you a man who would also do that

He also discourages you from things like caffeine before bed or napping during the day to help you get more sleep at night

He'd make a whole new bedtime routine for the two of you and adjust it based on what works, it'd be like a whole thing that he takes super seriously

He'd suggest reading before bed and recommend/lend you books that he likes, and also read to you if you really pleaded for it. He really enjoys reading and he would be thrilled if the pair of you had a little thing you did together <3

If they don't give any side effects/react poorly with any meds you may already take then he would also give you some of his sleeping pills (because let's be real he's fully stocked with them. this man)

Kunikida would let you cuddle him in your sleep whether or not he likes it or it makes him sweat, because let's face it you need the sleep and he needs the physical touch. It's basically a win-win

He gives you permission to wake him up if you can't sleep and need his help, or if you want company in your waking time.

He honestly does whatever it takes to help you because he cares so much about you. Perfect man fr

Fyodor:

Bold of you to assume that Fyodor sleeps. Like ever. He's too busy being evil or something

When he learns that you're an insomniac he's fully willing to let you stay up late with him while he's working if you're in need of company. He doesn't care whether you're just on your phone or reading a book or whatever

If you ask him he'll also let you sit in his lap and cuddle him (as long as you don't bother him- if you do he's sending you right to bed)

Fyodor knows that calming music is a good way to help people sleep, so if you're down he'd be willing to play something mellow and soft on his cello for you

He probably wouldn't admit it but he kinda likes that you find it hard to get to sleep since it gives him an excuse to spend more time with you

But if you really do wanna get to bed then he'll have some tea made for you and he'll read to you. His voice is very relaxing and nice to fall asleep to and he kinda knows it (he's smug about it too because he's a bastard)

If you find that you actually sleep better in his presence then he's more than happy to move a couch into his office and let you sleep there.

He's also happy to forfeit (SOME) work so he can come to bed earlier and help you sleep. And he's also happy to cuddle you because you're warm

Fyodor will basically just help you get to sleep with methods that he uses to get himself to sleep because it's the only way he knows how. Even if it doesn't work please give him credit for trying because he really is trying super hard T-T

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco

[zingaplanet]

Why do you keep talking about the abuser John Lennon have some respect for his wife and son who he treated so poorly

Ok you know what, I never really used to answer this kind of asks but I want y'all to read this cause I'm kinda annoyed.

Firstly, specifically to the topic itself, not sure if this is a trigger ask but honestly not once in my post did i ever actually talk about lennon by himself in a hero-worshipping way? I like his music and I found his bond with his bandmates incredibly fascinating and sad, and I can surely sympathise with his tragic life story and childhood. But I do know full well he was far from a perfect guy, and never actually make claims otherwise? He himself claimed to abuse a couple of times and was definitely not a good father to Julian. I also don't like when people get beatified or at least forgiven of all wrongdoings when they die but let's face it, his 60+ years legacy and his presence as a public figure are not going away from public discussion soon, if you wanna try to cancel John Lennon then feel free?

Personally I don't wanna make arguments about cancelling public figures (so don't fcking come at me again with this). I'm not even trying to get y'all to disassociate him from his art cause I never actually gush about him personally. In fact I don't even care that much??? (Besides the fact that he was in a band that I love). There's a double-edged sword to everything innit? I know that some lennon fans might also come at me for this but honestly, i basically don't even care enough to get this involved?

Second and most importantly, I'm just so tired of people trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't do with my blog?? So many of you come to my asks everyday saying i don't like this, i don't like that, I know this is a multi-fandom blog but pls pls get that I'M DOING IT FOR ME?? Not for you or anybody else in any fandom?? I write, reblog, posts whatever I like here for MY OWN ENJOYMENT? I don't owe anybody shit and I'm not under ANY obligations to put out content that satisfy you. In fact I don't give a shit if you don't like any of my posts - tumblr for me is a fun place to go out and maybe gush about smth I wanna talk about? I'm not here on some grandiose purpose to talk about moral ethics or whatever, sometimes i can't help maybe letting that show a little in my posts but unless this blog is ran by an AI don't think i can disassociate myself and I don't really want to? which is why I stop answering some asks about my own personal political opinions.

Basically, what i'm saying is, this is a FREE space. Nobody actually forces you guys to be here? I'm not attacking you personally but honestly if any of you don't like my content JUST UNFOLLOW ME? I'm just here for good vibes really so these kind of asks are quite annoying. I'm not really going to answer these things anymore and more possibly just ignore you.

Honestly, this is 2023, let's just chill out, leave things we don't like, n let good vibes be hhh.

[ur-dad-satan]

Y'all said you want some more me lore, so here we go!!

This will just be a tiny rant about someone in my life. I don't want any advice, and I won't be using their name for privacy reasons. Sit back and enjoy some tea about a crumbling friendship. <3

TL;DR: my best friend/ex sucks and I'm tired of his bullshit. I'm not saving this friendship anymore. I'm done.

So, I'm gonna preface this by saying that I'm gender fluid. I'm very open about it online and to my friends. I figured it out in 2021 or 2022 and I told my friends as soon as I was sure. One of my friends is a transmasc demiboy (B) and another is a cishet guy (D). Neither of them fully understands my gender but I think that's fine. I try to explain it as nonbinary but uses all pronouns as a simple way to remember. B understands this and uses all pronouns, masc titles and complements and everything and it makes me feel so affirmed and happy. D does not. He almost exclusively refers to me with feminine titles and things like that. It's not a horrible thing or anything, but I do like variety.

Now the main part: D and I have been friends for four (4) years this year and during that time we dated twice. I personally don't give people a third chance because this is life, not baseball. Despite me telling him that I don't want to date him, and I want to explore my sexuality and be gay and all of that, he still keeps asking me out. And then it's not even questions!! It's literally like "We should" rather than "Would you want to" or anything taking my opinion into account. He told asked me again today "You should be my girlfriend". So, I replied "Dude I'm barely a girl as is". I haven't really been feeling that fem as of late and I've been feeling mostly nonbinary in a masc way if that makes sense. Rather than talk to me like a rational adult about like "would you rather me say partner than girlfriend" or anything else he pretty much just goes "Oh. that's fine then." So, I asked him why it seemed like he only saw me as a girl. It was literally just asking, and I said that I was just curious, and he said that he had never really thought about it. That's valid. Then he way like "I didn't know you felt so strong about it, I'll leave you alone. ????? What the fuck do you even mean??

What are you talking about "feel so strong about it"? Asking why it seems like you're not acknowledging part of my literal identity? If I was feeling strong about it, I would have corrected you every time you called me something feminine. I would have asked you why you didn't once ask me if I was feeling masc or nonbinary or anything. Even if you didn't have the vocabulary, you still could have asked the "wrong way" so I could help you.

Honestly, I shouldn't even be surprised he has so little regard for me aside from when it benefits him. He didn't even tell me happy birthday when it was my birthday despite talking to me for a while that day. Why would the cishet man care about my queer identity? It's gotten to a point where I don't even want to salvage the friendship anymore. It doesn't feel genuine and it's making me feel like he doesn't even want friendship anymore. He just keeps me around in case I change my mind and date him again. That's not going to happen. Both times the relationship ended were because he ended it. The first time was literally because he said he "didn't feel the love anymore"??? What? Then I stupidly took him back. But then his reason for breaking up with me was having a lot on his plate and not being in the right mental space. That's completely valid, but I'm not giving you a third chance. We don't even want the same thing!

This has gotten way longer that I planned. It's a never-ending pit with this fucker and I'm over it. I guess if y'all want more of this kind of "lore" I have plenty or whatever. I fucking hate real men, dudes (gender neutrally ofc).

[malakki142]

I don't post enough on here, but I feel like being more direct because the people I am adressing are more here than they are Twitter. I'm not going to go over why there's nothing wrong with Nashuri, we've been defending ourselves since Nov 2020, and there plenty of essays on this app that give you an explanation if you actually wanna understand why people like the ship. I'm not gonna get into that because some of y'all obviously don't care and those that do can go to those resources.

Anyways.

First off, you didn't have to do this. We get it, you hate us and our ship. We've been beat over the head with it constantly since the idea formed. You just want the clicks to generate hate. I'd tell you to block and mute, but no you rather do this instead of talking about something you enjoy.

Second, how dare you? If you are any type of creator, you know things like art and fics not only take time, but so much physical and mental energy. We all do this for free, and because it brings us joy. But eh, you don't like the ship, so you think that gives you the right to talk shit about peoples work. You've got the audacity and entitlement of white men.

But I think my main problem is this- why would you tag this Shuriri? That post had nothing to do with Shuriri. A more accurate tag would have been the anti-Nashuri one. The only reason I can think of is because y'all put the ships in direct opposition to each other, which is the furthest from the truth in reality.

Like do y'all understand that some of us are mutlishippers? That we would love to engage with the Shuriri fandom? Or even just the Shuri or Tish fandom more, because we are also fans? But time and time again you all make it clear that if we like Nashuri, we are scum if the earth and shouldn't interact with you all, cause cooties or what ever. I like Shuriri, I'd love to make content for Shuriri (and Nashuriri but that's for another time). But everytime I go on the tag or search the term, I'm immediatly hit with hate.

More over do you understand that a lot if Nashuris don't care about Shuriri? I care, because I like both ships, that's why I'm making this long ass post, but for a lot of us don't even consider it. Unless y'all make annoying ass posts like this one, we don't shit talk, we don't send hate, we don't accuse you all of things that aren't true. WE LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE. And honestly we just want y'all to do the same?

I'm not even gonna say this is all Shuriri, all Shuri or all Tish fans, but there is a loud portion if you all that will not stop talking about how much they hate us instead of how much they love the ship/character/person. Hell, I'd go out on a limb and say there are non Nashuris that are tired of these hating ass posts too. And I just feel like we would all be happier, if we just "curate our spaces".

We all love Shuri as a charater and Tish as an actress, and like it or not Nashuri is an active fandom, we all have to share the tags. Just be cordial, please? If you see something you don't like then block/mute. Don't go out of your way to direct hate towards a whole bunch if people who have done nothing wrong.

Oh and for the love of god, tag your posts. correctly. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

I KEEP SEEING NASHURI SHIT😭

HOW DID I EVEN GET HERE. IM SO CONFUSED AND DISGUSTED🙁

[coolyiooo]

BILLY HARGOVE X READER (SMUT)

⚠️WARNINGS ⚠️ public, car, pulling hair, biting , hickeys ,creampie, scratching, degrading

You and Billy just went to a fancy restaurant for a date,fancy as in dresses and tuxedo's, somewhere a bit far away from Hawkins and went to a city, y'all have been dating for a year now so he wanted to make things special and take you on a fancy date because you deserve it, you were wearing a pretty red dress and he wore a tux without the tie and some buttons unbuttoned on his shirt, the date was really good and fun and even walked around in the city but when y'all were on your way back y'all ran into some heavy and slow traffic and it started to thunderstorm as well, y'all got bored and just started to talk about random things but his anger got the best of him from the slow traffic so he started to honk the horn of the car non stop "Billy stop! Like that's gonna help the traffic go any faster" he hit the wheel in anger, laid his head on the seats head rest and took a big breath to sigh "sorry princess you know my patience is slow" "I know ...it can get annoying " you said jokingly, he looked at you "almost as annoying as you just in general" you hit him slightly on the shoulder making him smirk "if I'm so annoying why are you still here" "eh...your hot" you rolled your eyes, he snickered softly "I'm kidding princess that's not the only reason why and your not annoying....most of the time" you hit him on his shoulders a couple of times making him smile, he grabbed one of your hands and kissed it, you scoffed "why did God make me fall for an asshole like you" "hey it takes one to know one" "then I guess that's why we belong together" "you say it like it's a bad thing.. and on our one year anniversary " "I'm kidding obviously..you know I love you or whatever " he put a hand on his chest "awwww princess.. I love you too" you rolled your eyes with a smile

The traffic still hasn't moved one bit, it was night and raining with thunder in the background, the only lights on were from the cars headlights, it was honestly really relaxing with music quietly coming from the radio but you did get bored so you had an idea, you looked at Billy, he looked so tired, you started to rub his thigh with your hand seductively, he looked down and then at you smirking "you have something to tell me princess?" You smirked back "I mean...this traffic hasn't moved in so long so I had an idea to give us something fun to do" he got closer to your face "and what's that?" You looked at him seductively "taking a nap" he looked stunned for a second, you laughed "after me and you have some fun in the back seat of course" he smiled "you shouldn't play with my feelings like that princess" you smiled widely "it was funny" he rolled his eyes "your not worried about anybody looking at us?" "They'll definitely see and I don't care I mean.. it's not like we're ever gonna see them again, we don't even live here " he smiled "I love how that pretty little head thinks"

You then started to get in the backseat and he did too after you, you both smiled and laughed, your back was against the seats and he was in between your legs, his hands on your waist, your hands behind his neck, he then started to kiss you passionately, he started to grind against your crotch, you both already breathing heavily, one of his hands went to your back then to the back of your head to kiss you deeper, one of your hands was on his arms and the other was touching his hair, he then started to unzip your dress from your back, pulling it down your body, after he got it off of you he started to unbutton his shirt and unzip his pants, you could see his beautiful body and already hardened member "God your so breath taking" he said, he went back to kissing you, his tongue twirling with yours, he started to rub your clit in circles as you started to moan silently into the kiss, one of your hands went down his torso, feeling his biceps and abs, then onto his cock, you started to stroke it up and down slowly, he groaned into the kiss "your really desperate for my cock aren't you?" You didn't say anything, he looked at you "say it" he said strictly, you stared back "I want you inside me Billy" he smiled "yea?" "Yes ..I want you to make me cum with your dick" he smiled and took his fingers away from your clit, you took your hand away from his cock

He then aligned himself to your wet cunt and slammed himself deep into you, you both moaned from the satisfying impact, he started to thrust into you fast, making the car already rocking back and forth, everybody must know what's going on, he started to groan "yea! You take in my cock so well princess..you like it deep in you don't you?" You moaned "yes Billy you feel so good!" you tilted your head back, tightly sucking his dick with your cunt as it hit you in the g spot over And over "your gripping on me so tightly..you love my cock that much princess?" You and him started to feel eachother twitch and tremble "yes! you hit all the right places" you moaned loudly turning him on, he started to go faster, the car started to rock back and forth really quickly, he pulled your hair as you moaned louder "your just my little dirty slut aren't you? You want everybody to know your getting railed by me?" You couldn't form sentences, you just moaned loudly he chuckled softly and started to leave hickeys and bite marks on your neck, making you pull his hair slightly and scratch his back, he groaned loudly "your my good little slut right? You belong to me and only me..scream my name" "Billy!" You moaned, "louder" "BILLY!" He started to go inside you deeper "you want my cum so bad?" "YES BILLY!" your eyes shut tight with your head all the way back from the pleasure being so good, he groaned loudly "FUCK! you feel so fucking good I'm going to cum inside you just like you want" "yes please!" He started to go just a bit faster, his cock rubbing into your cunt, going in and out of you desperately wanting to cum as it hit the good spots, you moaned his name loudly the other cars could definitely hear and he groaned loudly, his hands gripping onto your hips tightly, going to leave marks for sure "FUCK! I'm going to..take it all in princess!" He then came inside you, deeply groaning into your ear, making you cum hard on his cock and moaning loudly, you felt his hot cum reach the deepest parts of you and it felt amazing.

The rocking of the car stopped but the windows were fogged up, you were both panting heavily and sweating, he then started to kiss you slowly "that's the best one year anniversary gift" he said, you rolled your eyes, he pulled out of you but put his head in between your legs and started to lick your sensitive cunt, you grabbed his hair and moaned silently "what are you doing?!" He groaned a bit and sucked on you for a bit and pulled his head away, wiping away some fluids from his lips "I didn't have a towel to clean you up so I did it myself" "oh" he got up and hugged you, he chin on your shoulder, you hugged back ofc,you could see the traffic still hasn't moved much but you started to see other cars rocking, you chuckled "we're bad influences huh?" He looked at you confused but followed where your eyes were and started to chuckle "yes but we do it better"

[jackdaw-kraai]

I just really wanted to thank you for the way transphobia/misgendering is handled in the Guides verse - I know some authors like to not address it at all, which is fine, sometimes I'm not in the mood to read about that either, but I really appreciate both how normalised it is that people are trans/NB/etc (and the only time it was an issue the characters stepped up to shut that shit down which is always a good feeling in fic) and that, at least once that I can recall (with Luke and Rocko), it's explicitly called out that, even if you aren't doing it maliciously and you have the best of intentions, you probably shouldn't be assuming someone's gender - it's addressed incredibly well and I just wanted to tell y'all how much I appreciate it 💖💖

Honestly, as a queer man myself, I pretty much write what I want to read. I like being acknowledge as existing within a story, y'know? So why not give that to more people? But at the same time, I am sick and tired of how any story where queer identities are included always immediately revolve around the bigotry and prejudice against them.

It exists, we know that, but let trans and enby and genderqueer people live. I promise they're more than aware of the existence of it. Now let them imagine people like them existing in fantastical situations where they are who they are without constantly having to fight for it in peace.

[georgianadarcies]

Also, let's talk about the dumb delusionality of it all when rogans try to claim that every TSwift song is for their ship. Unless y'all are strictly counting the ones where the guy is an obvious asshole, you can't claim the ones that are superbly romantic when they're also the complete opposite of who Logan is. "Lover" can't even fit for him because a) he had no problem throwing it in Rory's face that she isn't paying any rent while living in HIS apartment, so where exactly does "this is our place, we make the rules" even fit here? When your boyfriend is trying to shut you down in an argument he started in the first place? and b) unless you were to count it from his perspective in season 7 when he tried to get them to move away together, "can I go where you go?" can't even fit because Rory LIKES and wants to stay where she is in season 6/season 7 and closer to her family. And don't even get me started on "magnetic force of a man", the only magnetic force Logan as is his money, otherwise Rory has more magnetism in her left pinky. Sorry he can't be her 🤷‍♀️

there are plenty of taylor songs that fit rogan, they're just picking the wrong ones! for example, they can feel free to claim should've said no: "and I should've been there in the back of your mind / I shouldn't be asking myself, 'why?' / you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet" "baby, you know all the right things to say / but do you honestly expect me to believe / we could ever be the same?" "you say that the past is the past, you need one chance / it was a moment of weakness and you said, 'yes.'"

or white horse!! there are some very rogan-esque lyrics there! "say you're sorry, that face of an angel / comes out just when you need it to / as I paced back and forth all this time / 'cause I honestly believed in you / holdin' on, the days drag on / stupid girl, I shoulda known, I shoulda known" "maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes / and never really had a chance / my mistake, I didn't know to be in love / you had to fight to have the upper hand / I had so many dreams about you and me / happy endings, now I know."

tell me why also works: "you could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day / well, I get so confused and frustrated / forget what I'm trying to say." and you're not sorry: "you're looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know / could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold / and you've got your share of secrets / and I'm tired of being last to know / but now you're asking me to listen cause its worked each time before."

dear john, too, with the "you are an expert at sorry / and keeping lines blurry" which is just... so very logan. I knew you were trouble, hell, they can even have hoax! see, they're just looking in the wrong places.

[ye4gerismarchives]

the bachelorette chp 4, part 3: visiting jean’s mom

an: so, i decided i'd write the elimination in a separate chapter, one, just to mess with y'all and two, to give you time. i honestly think picking one of these three guys is really hard. obviously, i know who i want to win, but i look at the two other guys and i'm like 'oh, they would be good too!'. i like pulling at your heartstrings ;). i'll probably put together another q&a (depending on the numbers of questions i get) and once i do that, i'll wait for a day and then close the poll to start writing! anyways, let me stop sharing my thought process with yall and start your date with jean. link at the bottom!

tags: black, fem reader

tag list: @taybird

Bertholdt drove you back to the mansion and you texted Connie asking him to prepare something for you, Bertholdt. Jean and Connie to eat. And maybe a lil something for that brat Levi. Connie responded with an 'ok' and a smiley face.

The car ride home was silent. You felt awful for Bertholdt. You wondered how many silent post-hospital drives he's been through.

Once you got home, Bertholdt told you he wasn't very hungry and just wanted to lay down. You wanted to argue with him but Bertholdt needed space. You wish him good night before making your way to the kitchen.

Connie and Jean were chatting it up in the kitchen once you walked in. Connie was the one to announce your entrance. "Hey, y/n," he greets. Jean then turns around. "Hey, y/n. How is Bert holding up? I understand that visit was really hard."

"Thank you for asking, Jean. Bertie...well...he's just being human. His dad...it's really bad," you reply. You take a seat by Jean at the kitchen island. "The fact that he's been holding in for a while...it's crazy. I would have never thought he was in that situation. No wonder he was so stressed after that Porco got angry with him," Jean says. You raise an eyebrow at Jean. "Oh...after Porco got angry with him about you, Bert seemed sadder and more introverted than usual. He only really confided in Reiner, though," Jean explained.

"Ah, that makes sense. Poor Bertie."

Connie had made some garlic bread with ava ado toast and egg. You didn't expect that out of him but you all enjoyed it. You felt tired, so you told the guys you were ready to lay down. They wished you good night before diving into a conversation about...y'all i don't even know what men talk about 😐

The next morning, you woke up at the same time as you did for Connie's visit. Your final visit would be Jean's mom. She also lived far away from the mansion but Jean insisted that you could take your time. She would still be at her home. No nurses to rush you out or kids bugging their parents. You hoped this visit would be as peaceful as it sounded.

You were very hungry though. You didn't realize it last night about the whole Bertholdt thing and you only had those little stupid avocado things that Connie made. It was good but didn't feel you up. You decided you would take a bath and get ready for your visit later.

You crept downstairs, hoping not to wake anyone up. You didn't want Levi questioning you and you didn't want to stop and talk to the boys because you would probably have a day-long conversation and if that conversation was with Jean, you probably wouldn't see his mom.

You made a few turns and found yourself in the kitchen. And you weren't alone. Jean was leaning on the kitchen counter, sipping on some coffee that he had made. His eyebrows widened at your presence.

"Good morning," he greeted, "I didn't expect you to be up right now."

"Oh, I'm just hungry right now. Didn't eat much yesterday," you say. Jean places his coffee down on the table. "Would you like me to make you something?"

You were about to say yes but a greater idea came into mind. "Why don't we make something together? It would be fun and give you bonus points..." You wiggle your eyebrows when you say that last part. Jean let out a laugh. "Well, you're hungry and I can't let you starve. Us working together will make things faster...and those 'bonus points' would help a lot."

You walk towards Jean and his eyes remain on you. You find yourself wrapping his arms around his waist. It was just on-demand. Jean pulls you close and kisses your forehead. "What do you wanna make?"You think for a minute. "You know how to make (meal of your choice)?"

Whether Jean says yes or no is up to you. However, Jean is really good at following directions. If you need something, he'll get it. If you needed him to watch something, he watches it with intensity.

After a few minutes, the meal was ready and you both sat by the kitchen island and dug in. "I hope Connie doesn't wake up and butt into our breakfast," you joke. Jean let out a small laugh. "Connie's really nice. He hasn't shown me or anyone else any hostility during our time here."

"If you could say...who did you think was the worst person here?" you ask. Jean doesn't even have to wait to answer. "I'd have to Floch. Confidence is key but Floch just got disrespectful about it. Talking about how we should all go home and let him have you. And he was only here one night and everyone already had a bad vibe about him."

Your heart panged at that answer. "Thank you for telling me. I know everyone likes drama but Floch sounds...dangerous. I don't know what would have happened if he stayed." "Yeah, of course. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable," Jean said sheepishly. The discomfort must have been visible on your face. "No, don't apologize. I asked."

You continued to eat your breakfast and chat and hear about Jean's experience in the mansion so far.

After breakfast, you and Jean got ready for the day and finally decided to head out. Jean was starting his car when you decided to ask another question.

"I've never heard you talk about your dad. I've heard bits about your mom and you've mentioned her to the other guys but I never hear about your father. He isn't dead right? Is he sick? Like Bertholdt's?"

Jean is silent for a minute. "Oh...I don't really like talking about my dad, but you would have to know at some point."

"Oh, Jean...you don't have to. Don't worry about it."

He shakes his head. "It's fine. We were going to have this conversation pretty soon, so it doesn't matter."

Jean starts moving the car and when he's out on the road, he begins to talk.

"My dad has never been in my life. At this point, I don't know if he's dead or not. Sometimes I feel like he isn't my father. We did talk like once or twice when I was a kid and I was actually desperate to see him. But once I reached high school and started preparing for my adult life, I realized he wasn't worth it anymore. If my dad really wanted to be there for me, he would have reached out more often and let me know that things were hard on his end. I know everything I'm saying is being recorded and broadcasted, so if he ever sees me on TV, he can always hit me up. I just won't be naïve and stupid like I was the last time."

You immediately jump in after that last line. "Hey. You weren't naïve or stupid. He was stupid. You were a kid waiting on his dad. You had every right to wait for him, so don't insult yourself over him."

Deep down inside, you weren't sure if you wanted to meet Jean's dad...if he was alive. Jean didn't seem comfortable talking about him at all, so you shouldn't expect any visits or calls from that man. If you were to have kids and he popped up, that'd be hard to deal with. It would probably break Jean's heart to learn that his father would want to see his grandkids before even meeting the guy who helped make them.

Jean doesn't respond to what you said. Again, this was hard for him and he didn't even want to bring his father up in the first place, so you weren't upset.

You end up falling asleep in the car. Hours later, you wake up and Jean is parked in front of a bakery. He's on the phone. "Yeah, ma, we're here. Right in front of it, she's sleeping but we'll head inside....I miss you too...alright then, bye."

Jean hangs up and places the phone down. He jumps slightly when he realizes you're awake. "H-hey. I thought you were sleeping."

"Well, I was. Your mom is ready to see us?" You ask. "Yeah. She owns this bakery and decided to close completely today to meet you. I asked her if we could meet at home but she insisted that her bakery would be best. She's really proud of it," Jean explains. "Are we going to bake something?"

Jean laughs and shakes his head no. "Oh, no. My mom won't let you do any work in there, since you're a special guest. She put some things together if you want to eat something."

You imagined Jean's mother as someone who prioritized her future-in-law over her own son sometimes. It sounds overbearing but you thought this was a good thing. You wouldn't want an evil mother or father-in-law. If Jean were to cheat on you or hurt you, you knew she'd probably be on your side or hear both sides instead of immediately siding with her son.

You also wanted to assume that she was tough on Jean. Considering that she raised him herself, she had to do other things like work. To give herself some peace, she probably had a no-nonsense household- maybe why Jean was more like a puppy and wasn't as scandalous as the eliminated.

Jean got out of the car and helped you out. He didn't take your hand when directing you to the bakery but opened the door for you. Inside was a short, older woman, standing there with her hands clasped. The minute you stepped in, her excitement exploded. "Hi! Welcome! It's finally nice to meet you," she says. The older woman squeezes and you can't help but let out a chuckle...or a wheeze. "H-hey, mom. Maybe you should let her go," Jean steps in nervously. Jean's mom slowly lets go. "I'm sorry! I just got excited. Are you hungry?"

You shake your head. "No, Mrs. Kirstein. Jean actually helped me put together breakfast."

"Good, good. I'm glad he's being useful! And call me June. Come, sit, sit."

Jean's mom takes your hand and leads you to a small table and pulls open a chair for you. Jean quietly pulls a chair up by you. You start to worry about him because all the attention is on you, rather than the both of you.

"Can I get you something to drink?" June asks. "Some water would be nice," you answer. Your eye catches Jean's hand. You place your own on his and you feel him jump slightly. "Jean, would you like something too?"

"I-I'll take water too," Jean croaks. "Well, Jean, I'm sure you can serve yourself. I'm getting old, you know. Make sure you get a glass for y/n too."

Jean looks ready to argue back but he keeps his lips zipped. He carefully removes your hand from

his, gets up, and heads over to the back of the bakery.

You watch Jean do all of this and then finally turn away so that you can give June all your attention. "Please tell me he's been good to you," she starts. You weren't expecting this question but considers why she's asking. "Yes, Jean is...amazing. He's always coming to my defense. Which I shouldn't be surprised by, he is a lawyer."

June sighs in relief. "I hope he stays that way. He told you...about our situation right?" You nod. "It's unfortunate that his father did that to the both of you. If Jean does get married to me, I hope he doesn't pop out of anywhere. Jean's a good guy but I'm not too sure how he'll react to something like that." June let's our a small hum.

"Have you been watching the show?" you ask. "A little. I work, so it's hard to catch up on what's going on. Sometimes I'll read articles and Jean will text me to let me know if he didn't get eliminated. I was a little concerned about him doing the show because nothing is guaranteed."

"Hm...is he cocky about this whole thing? Does he really think he can get me?"

June thinks for a moment. "I can't say cocky but there's nothing wrong with a little confidence. Jean is handsome, he has a good job, he's smart- and he knows that. He believed those would be good reasons for you to like him. But...he does get bashful sometimes. He doesn't want all the attention on him and for people to view him in the wrong way. The fact that he had a mirror in his pocket on the first night was interesting to me. He's never done anything like that before."

You open your mouth but Jean enters once more. He places three water bottles on the table. "Sorry for taking too long. Ma, I'll replace the waters. Don't worry about it," he says. June shakes her head. "Don't worry about it, Jean. We have plenty of water."

"So, have you two discussed wedding plans? Anything for the future?" June suddenly asks. You look at Jean, who looks like his stomach was doing the chacha slide or sum. "M-mom-!"

"Well, we haven't reached that point because we don't know if he's staying or not but I'd like a really elegant wedding. I know we'll have a live-streamed wedding but I'd like to have a private wedding too. That would be nice right?" you cut in. Jean nods in agreement.

"What about kids? I read somewhere that you wanted a family," you tease. Jean's face reddened. "W-well...um...yeah...two would be nice. A girl and b-boy maybe?"

"See? We have a plan," you say with a wide smile. You could imagine Jean as a cautious dad but he still knew how to have fun with his kids. After long days at work, he'd cuddle with them and put them to sleep for you. When the kids are asleep, he'll check on you and make sure you had something to eat. He'd probably make sure to schedule regular date nights and family vacations. He'll have photos of you and the kids and maybe a few bandages in a wallet. Obviously, you would both be in the public eye once in a while but he would make things feel normal.

"I think you two would have beautiful kids. I do hope Jean gets picked. But your two other guys are good too. Bertholdt is absolutely adorable and Connie seems like he knows what he's doing. I don't know how you're ever going to choose. I can't imagine being your situation," June says.

"Wow, thanks for having my back mom," Jean says jokingly. "But if not me, pick Connie. He's a good person."

"Oh, Jean, don't do that to yourself. You're lovely." You cup his cheek and his reddened face returns.

Jean's mom starts talking about Jean when he was a kid- how he was such a big softie and a great helper,  how he was popular in high school but still to himself, and all the girlfriends and boyfriends that she didn't like.

It was getting late. Jean's mom offered you her home but Jean stopped her before she could ask. You didn't question why he didn't want to stay at her home but still wondered why. You said your goodbyes, watched her lock the bakery, and drive off. Jean helps you into his car and gets into the drivers' seat.

"You know why she wanted to you go home with her?" he asks.

You shake your head no. "There's only one bed. A twin size bed," Jean says as he starts the car. You let out a chuckle. "Connie's parents tried that with us except Connie had a bigger bed."

Jean looks over at you. "Oh...I should have probably taken her offer."

"Connie and I didn't do anything that night...maybe you could give me a sample of what you can do. It'll help me decide."

Jean didn't hesitate to lean over and cup your cheek. He went in first. Jean was gentle and careful with your lips. You soon gave in and wrapped a hand on his wrist. When things started to get hot, you pulled away. "Didn't expect you to be that gentle...You really want me, huh?"

"Yeah," Jean says scratching his neck. "You're pretty rough... you have experience?"

Whether you say yes or no is up to you.

Jean smiles at your answer and starts driving. You try to fall asleep but it's so hard. All you can see is Bertholdt, Connie, and Jean at the next elimination. You wished Eren or Onyankopon did stupid stuff later on and were a part of the final three so that this could be easier.

Hours later, Jean reaches the mansion. He thinks you're still asleep. He doesn't want to wake you up. So what does he do? Jean opens the passenger door and scoops you up in his arms. Your heart jumps. You hope it's dark enough outside so that he can't see the small smile you're trying not to crack.

It doesn't Jean long to get to the door and ring the doorbell. He must be really strong. The door opens and he's greeted by Connie.

"You need help with that man?"

"Um...no...I think I'll get her up there. But you could get her purse from my car though. She'll probably wonder where that is."

Connie probably gave him a non-verbal response since there was just silence after that. Jean got you up the stairs and struggled with your bedroom door but he got in within ten minutes. Jean turns on your lights, places you on the bed, and removes your shoes. He steps away but you hear ripping sounds proceeding by scribbling. You can hear Jean turning off your lights and closing the door behind him as he leaves. Your eyes flick open and you wait a few moments. You turn on the light on your bed stand to see the note Jean wrote you.

'Wasn't sure what to do with your clothes. It's not my place to decide that- at least not yet. But I hope you slept comfortably.'

You smile softly at the note. It was definitely something he would say.

i use YOUR opinions to not only put together dates but to put together personalities. if y’all say you hate bertholdt, i’ll work my magic to mess with y’all :) anyways here’s the link! ask good questions. this is the last time you’ll see bertholdt, jean, OR connie. vote and ask wisely

[lyssafreyguy]

so. um! lol

Baby's surgery consult happened! we were there for what felt like ages (I got there right before our appointment at around 12:10 and finally got checked out at around 2:30) but it happened . . . it Happened.

the specialist gave Baby a nice shaving and got a good look at what was on his chest and talked about what i was more or less expecting: it's exposed, it's clearly infected, surgical removal is what's recommended as what would be best in terms of treatment and recovery, etc.

what i wasn't expecting tho was the news that Baby also has what they believe to be a sizeable mass in his uterus

according to him the size of the mass itself isn't the main issue; it's whether it's malignant or benign and whether it's contained or has had a chance to spread throughout his body- they would need to do some imaging in order to figure out that second point and a proper biopsy once any surgery is completed to look into the first one

that being said he's hopeful that surgery can either help with or straight up get rid of the problem . . . but considering the possibility of it having spread or his infection becoming septic or the fact that as an 8 year old rabbit his life expectancy post surgery is kinda up in the air there's just as much of a chance that we might have to put him down

he assured me that he wouldn't ever consider us making that choice as the wrong one in our situation because he knows that what we're looking at is stressful for both him and us and extensive and expensive (the visit today along with all the new meds they gave me came to a little over $300 and the estimate he gave me for the CT scan to get a look at what's going on would be a little over $950 and luckily i had the money to pay for today but i would definitely need extra support for the CT and any surgery we go through with)- i definitely want the CT scan to happen at the very least so i'll be scheduling for that soon but the rest i'll have to talk to my family about

i've had the time to sorta calm down since we left the building but i'm still mentally and emotionally tired and really fucking sad- as much as i kept on fixating on the idea that what was going on could be as bad as it was i was still kinda hoping that it like. wouldn't be. i know that logically i shouldn't and i know what they told me but there's this sense of moral failure as his owner that's sitting in my chest and i can tell it's gonna be there for a good while.

but for now we're home with a whole new round of pain meds and a capsule of penicillin and i know how to give a rabbit injections now! again: kinda rad. i think.

i know for a fact that this is most likely gonna have a visible effect on me while i'm at work and at home but i don't know how it'll affect my presence on here- i might keep posting like normal or i might be pretty quiet while just letting my queue run. maybe any posts that i make on here will be really fucking depressing and concerning and nothing else for a little while. we'll see.

either way i appreciate the work and compassion of my primary vet and our specialist so far and know that if anyone on here replies to this post or sends me an ask or a DM or anything i honestly probably won't answer back but please know that i love and appreciate y'all just as much and that i'm not making a point to ignore anyone

deep down i know everything will eventually be alright. life goes on.

[mic-and-cheese]

Ok this is enough. I'm done being vauge and quiet. I have been hurting and in fear for so long and it's not ok that I've been made to believe that I shouldn't talk about it.

I've ignored nasty anons to pretend like it doesn't bother me because I knew that people from the fandom were watching my blog for a response. I was scared to show any sign of weakness because I wanted them to give up and for a while I was happy because nothing happened.

Then I learned that they have been lurking on my blog for who knows how long despite multiple warnings and posts and dnis saying I didn't want them here.

And that's honestly my final straw. I'm a person who wants to forgive no matter what awful things someone has done to me. I still have it in my heart to say I'm sorry to a disgusting person for something they did to me 3 years ago, and I don't even want to associate with them because they turned out to be a fucking p*do (which, in case anyone was worried, my particular conflict with them is unrelated to that) but my point is that even when I hate someone's guts I still can't hate them enough to not want to reconcile. I don't know why that is but the same is true here.

I was so, so willing to put this all behind me, to apologize and accept an apology and finally be fucking friends again even after I already tried and failed to do it once. But after learning that they can't even respect the fact that I'm gone and want nothing to do with them, I've become so conflicted again. I hate them and I'm not afraid to say it. I hate them and it takes me every ounce of self control I have not to call them out by name. I'm done giving them chances. And yet I still feel the need to forgive and now it's not useful for keeping myself calm in pursuit of someday ending the conflict. Now it's just fucking annoying because they've gone past what I can forgive. I don't care about being the bigger person anymore, they hurt me and they need to fucking know it.

I'm sorry I ever believed anything they said or looked down upon certain characters and ships because I thought they were right at the time.

And if any of you assholes are listening right now, you're sick fucking creeps for lurking on this blog despite me telling you not to. How dare you use my space that you were never allowed in to laugh at me. How dare you pretend like you never talked behind my back and made fun of my art.

You act exactly like middle school bullies and I want everyone to know everything you've done to everyone in the Incredibles fandom and how you transformed it into a toxic cesspool and THEN have the audacity to ask why there's so much drama like you're the victims.

You have hurt so many people and made them scared to leave your toxic clique. I want everyone to know how you've harassed creators with anon hate. You guys breathe exclusionist like it's nothing, and then want to pretend that you respected the fact that I'm asexual. You claim to support autistic people, but you talk behind people's backs if they talk "weird" or have a special interest you don't like when so many of you are also autistic or otherwise neurodivergent and know what it feels like to be hated for it. You're progressive up until it comes to someone you don't agree with. You cast out your own friends if they don't agree with you and talk behind their backs when they leave or get kicked out, and then lie about why you kicked them. You have at least three different channels for stalking, harassing, and talking shit. You hate anyone who dares to be in more than just your server. You are trying to isolate people so that you have them under your control and don't feel like they can leave or have anyone to turn to when they realize how toxic you are. And that's only what you've done before I left.

Update: Listen I'm too tired to be eloquent about this but in case anyone wants to say I'm lying:

Anyway, here's what I'm proposing. Stop checking my blog for a month. From now until the end of september, and in turn I'll stop talking about y'all. I will not make another single post about you until October and if I don't get a single check, I will not mention you again so long as you stay off this blog.

I was never mad that we didn't have the same character preference. Annoyed, sure, but it wasn't a big deal. It became a big deal when I realized I didn't feel comfortable around all of the salt in the fandom and realized that I was mearly being tolerated. I don't even support some of the people you've harrassed, but I do not want to be associated with people like you, so I left, and frankly, its my damn right to be able to talk about how I felt. I never published a single name, and I will never, but it's not right of you guys expect me not to talk about how I felt regardless of if your actions were intentional or not. I do not care that I was not your worst target and I never have or will claim to be. But the environment that you have created is toxic, and talking about my experiences with it was never supposed to be a personal attack on you until you got involved.

Also, because I wrote this while I was angry, I will fully admit that I exaggerated some of my claims and they have been changed accordingly. I apologize for my immaturity and should not have said that, however I will not change anything I know to be true.

Another edit: I have deleted the portion about a particular artist and their work. That was an oversight by me as I did not remember that they are suspected of being legitimately predatory and I would not have included that if I had remembered it at the time of writing. That being said, my stance on the issue is that the type of harrassment that took place against that artist isn't right and that it is better to deplatform predatory people by warning others about them and refusing to interact with them, rather than giving the any sort of attention, negative, positive, or otherwise. I do not support that artist, but I also do not support their harassment and anyone saying otherwise is spreading lies about me.

[irlbop]

Finnrey, Reylo, and Goddamn Human Decency

Okay, so let’s sit down and dissect the situation since my buddo, Sithskywalker, has only been met with harassment in her attempts to do so. Initially, I was going so ask that we try and settle this but frankly and ashamedly towards y’all, I know that that is an impossible task to expect.

               Let’s start with something simple before we get into the complexities of this entire Reylo/Finnrey debacle: Reylo is, at best, problematic. At worst (of which it is most often appearing to lean toward in my observation), Reylo is ignorant in the lightest term that I can think of. Now, the beautiful thing about ignorance isn’t always intentional; in these cases, it is obliviousness and, if the oblivious one is willing, this can be adjusted. But in more commonly observed cases, the ignorance I’m seeing is done out of spite and with an intention to inflict pain or disturbance. And no, don’t go “Just let me ship it!” or “It’s my freedom to ship it!” or “But did you see the way he – ” No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There’s a myriad of issues surrounding the Reylo situation on a scale regarding what a healthy relationship is, regarding race, and your own personal consideration for your fellow man as well as the films this entire fandom is based around. If you stick around, great. If you’re seeing the same things you’ve heard before, then maybe the problem isn’t the fact that you need a billion reasons to cut through your skull. Also, trigger warning for rape, abuse, and racism

Abuse: I’m going to say this right upfront and now: I have never been in an abusive relationship, nor have I survived sexual assault. I’m lucky. I am blessed. But my experience isn’t everybody else’s. therefore, it’s important to consider the situations of those who haven’t gone through life without an invasion of personal space or emotional boundaries. If you don’t believe me, look at the media: We’re constantly smitten with the guy who “takes what he wants” and can literally shove the object of his affection against a wall and suction his face to hers. This is often done during the “chase” stage and while many (including myself) buy into it at first, if you take a moment to step back and actually analyze the situation, it’s actually disturbing. I could probably write a good page or two on just how the media practically contorts and romanticizes some actually abusive traits but I’m already on this bad boy. 

But the point is, when you take Kylo Ren’s actions out of context and mix it with the whole “rough-loving bad boy” persona we’ve been spoon-fed since God knows when, it’s easy to contort it into something appealing. But for some people, it’s not. For some, seeing Rey get smacked against a tree can bring back literally painful reminders. Seeing him trying to basically mentally manipulate isn’t an opportunity for him to read her mind about how she’s “totes thinking he’s a hottie” so then they start making out or whatever. To be frank, romanticizing this situation was under absolutely no intention of the director, screenwriter, producer, etc. It’s exactly as it’s meant to be: hostile, ambitious, and nasty as it should be between enemies. Nothing more, nothing less.          

However, it appears too many people refuse to understand this or even begin to fathom it. Furthermore, they actually take it upon themselves to harass those who express discomfort over people making goo-goo eyes at what can practically be a reminder for a very dark time for them. Someone I loved had PTSD and I can attest to this just by observing him: That shit does stuff to you. You can still smile, you can still laugh. You can even go on with your life and do what people expect you to do i.e. go to school, get a job, maybe even start a family if you so please it. But trust me: It doesn’t leave you. You can’t “get over” something that hits you so hard that it streaks right down into your soul. I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like. Many people can’t.      

But it’s for that very reason that you have no right to march up to somebody who has it and tell them to “suck it up.” Because if you’re telling them to suck up something that has impacted them for the rest of their lived, then you should certainly be able to suck up criticism over a fictional relationship that you will probably forget about once you realize that shipping doesn’t pay the bills or help take care of student loans. You can’t be petty over something that’s literally hurting somebody else, it makes you look like a disgusting waste of human. Especially since we’re entering an age where the goddamn assigned leader of this forsaken country has very likely committed those acts upon others, is getting away with it, and is basically doing every and all things that he and his stooges can to assure that it keeps happening. You know that thing that a girl in Africa made? That sorta condom-like thing with teeth that goes inside her and will shred the dick of any man that tries to put it inside her without her consent? If you don’t and want to know why this isn’t a thing here, it’s because it’s illegal in the U.S. It’s literally seen as a form of torture. So a man’s pride and literal junk is worth protecting more than a woman’s safety. Yeah.            

But I digress: Reylo has no bones to form a healthy relationship. Stop acting as though it does. Because what does have a proper foundation is Finnrey. Which leads us to …

Race: Disclaimer, I think both John Boyega and Adam Driver are fine men. Both physically and based on their personalities. I harbor no ill will toward Adam, nor any favoritism towards John. I don’t even really ship anyone! However, this is something that needs to be said because after the bullshittery I’ve seen go down on buddo’s blog, I felt it needed to be done. But geez, where do I even begin to delve into a centuries old and ongoing system bent and formed to assure Caucasian superiority on an educational, residential, aesthetic, etc. level? Hmmm … I guess, once again, we’ll start with something simple: Why is Finnrey superior not by opinion, but by overall character?         

Let’s see … Finn is Rey’s first ever friend, by meeting him she was able to eventually come to terms with the reality of her situation, thereby meeting Luke (whom is 98.99% likely to be the father she had been missing), they shared an experience, they protect each other, they care for each other, Finn literally risks death just to get her back and she picks up a weapon she previously wanted nothing to do with to assure that he couldn’t get hurt anymore, and, most important of all, they goddamn respect one another. I’m not going to bring in the fact that it’s all but canon now because honestly, it shouldn’t be this hard to express the characteristics of what can present a decent foundation for a healthy romantic relationship. Especially because if you care about the loving aspect, then you should care about Finnrey. (If you care about a lusting aspect, then you only care about sexual characteristics which can still be found in Finnrey. If you do that in-character with Reylo, however, it’s extremely predatory since, you know, Kylo hates Rey and Rey hates Kylo.)             

So after taking all these factors into count, it begs the question, why don’t more people ship Finnrey? Well, kiddios, the first term of the day is “systematic racism.” Systematic racism, also called institutionalized racism, basically refers to a form of racism expressed in practices on a social and political level ranging from and entwining into literally anything from schooling to income, to criminal justice, wealth, healthcare, living situation, who’s considered beautiful, and, yes, relationships. Don’t believe me, you can literally read articles on anything from black women with white husbands getting mistaken for hookers or watch the movie Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.          

Anyway, how does systematic racism tie into who we find more appeal with? Well, some centuries ago as Europeans started to venture outward more, it eventually become common word that dark things were associated with badness and white with goodness regardless of what sense it made (Jesus was more black than white, for example). Since then, this mindset has spread like wildfire. Or the smallpox the English brought over. In countries where dark-skinned persons are the norm, they’re more likely to promote or run advertisements with lighter-skinned people. And if they can get their hands on a white person, you know they’re gonna. This is because the white person is, in far too many cases, portrayed as the everyman. This is why we’re quicker to recognize when a protagonist is a POC – it’s just not an everyday occurrence.

We see this in our movies all the time with a white man being cast as the lead, or when they’re presented and promoted in rapid succession compared to their colored cast mates and so on and so forth.

And the thing is, this shit starts early. If you Youtube “Doll Test”, you’ll see small children (including black ones) calling the white baby doll good and the black baby doll bad. They even refer to the white doll as the pretty one, whereas its darker counterpart is ugly. The problem is, the media often does very little to help destroy this mindset so it often ends up blossoming into what we see today: sympathy for white killers, fictional or not, out of finding them physically attractive. (If you come up in here and tell me this isn’t true, I will smash your fucking face into the screen of a laptop and make you read all the bitches whining about Dylann Roof’s death sentence or how many twits wanted some other white boy killer to go free and creaming themselves after he showed up to court in a shirt expressing pride over his killing. I don’t have time for this bullshit.)

Basically, what we end up doing is sparing sympathy for lighter-toned people because, institutionally, light means good and dark means bad. (This is actually also a thing in the black community where lighter skinned people are treated differently than darker-skinned ones but this is also a story for another time.) Does this sound reminiscent of anything? Perhaps a fictional non-canonical pairing wherein people make excuses and slander the names of the characters’ actors to justify a notably unhealthy interaction over an actually more stable one?

Furthermore, while it’s becoming more commonplace in commercials and TV shows and film, the image of a black male and white female is met with criticism. I’ll admit that the reasons honestly differ among ethnic groups but for the most part, it’s usually a criticism born simply from the fact that it’s a black man and a white woman. Remember when I said Europeans began to use their position to promote ideas that pretty much raised their position for just being white? This was a favorite tactic used in America in the 18- and 1900s. The idea was that white women were fragile and needed to be protected from the brutish black bucks. A black man near a white woman would surely cause her harm! This was displayed in many forms from posters to pamphlets to D. W. Griffith’s The Birth of a Nation wherein a rowdy and completely buffonish cast of blackface-donning actors were portrayed in scenarios that included harassing a delicate flower of a white girl, as well as lustfully celebrating over the ruling that they be allowed marriage to women women (which received more applause than being allowed placement in government).

So where have we seen people portray a black male as barbaric, invading on the safety of a young, white female and threatening her by so much as touching her hand? Could it be … in movies where the black man is a rapist or a thug? Maybe … in real life where numerous white women have claimed assault on an innocent black man but nobody dared to investigate the matter further? Or perhaps … a disgusting amount of Reylo-shippers, who have literally gone out of their way to portray John Boyega as a beast rather than a man and actual friend to coworker Daisy Ridley?

I could go on a tangent about how insulting this is not only on a racial scale, but also in regards to demeaning the situations of people who have actually been in unpleasant or altogether awful interactions with genuinely awful people but, like I said, this is what we’re focusing on right now.

But in the end, do you know what a lifetime of this can do to a POC’s mindset? I can think of an example: The second term of the day is “internalized racism.”   

As the name would suggest, internalized racism is when a person of an ethnic group displays racist traits towards members of their culture, including themselves. This can come about in many ways but one thing is for certain: it’s linked with institutionalized racism. You see, it gets quite easy to think very negatively of something that people subtly or even outright portray as a bad thing. Even if that thing looks like you. Maybe you’ve seen far too many black people get arrested on the news; maybe you just don’t feel pretty with your corkscrew curls and earthy skin; maybe you just feel an inherent need to hold your purse close to you when you see a big, black guy walking down the street despite the fact that he’s just making his way down the block to run an errand. The point I’m trying to get at here is that there’s various ways or showing or even experiencing internalized racism. I’ll be the first to admit that I experience it. I’m trying not to; a lot of people may be. But it’s hard to undo something you didn’t know existed until recently, or what keeps growing back with the constant exposure after every time you think you’re free from it. But this is no excuse to go out of your way to keep feeding it.

So anyway, when I talk about internalized racism, you probably have an idea where I’m going with this: Black Reylo shippers, we need to talk. What exactly is it that you find appealing about this dynamic? Be real with yourself. Is it because Adam Driver is attractive? That’s all fine and good, but that has nothing to do with his character. What exactly does Kylo offer Rey? By comparison, what does Finn offer Rey? If you feel Finn, after an entire film’s worth of interacting with her, offers Rey nothing whereas Kylo, after maybe a total of 15-23 minutes (most of which involved him using his fucking unstable lightsaber on her), offers her something, then it may be healthiest for you to step away from shipping for a while and think about what you truly do respect. If shipping is just an outlet for you, fine. But you should make sure that that outlet reflects what a good relationship is to you: not some sadistic, abusive game of predator vs prey. If that is what you want, then you seriously need to stop focusing on shipping and start focusing on your psyche.

All in all, there just a shit ton I could’ve said or still want to say, but I think this is long enough and most of y’all have either dropped out or have left to write an insult of threat without reading the entire thing or considering why it’s being written in the first place. Plus, I’m tired. Physically tired, but mostly, I’m tired that this shit actually needs to be said to a bunch of people who think their asses are grown enough to recognize what a relationship is, yet end up sending disturbing content to anyone who even so much as looks uncomfortable at the crap they’re promoting. Star Wars was never meant to be this way; no fandom is. But it’s because of inconsideration and intentional ignorance that things collapse. If you still feel a need to ship Reylo over Finnrey – especially if you have to actually change peoples’ characters and basically rob them of their principles – then maybe it would be best if you stepped away from shipping and asked yourself, “What does this say about me? How do my reactions towards people who do not agree with me reflect what I actually feel?” Because if you’re still willing to ship these two when it’s looking like they’re probably cousins alone, then you’ve got more issues to work out than just the fact that somebody doesn’t agree with your ship.

TL;DR – Reylo is a result of the entwined workings of the social romanticism of abuse and downplaying of female respect and a multitude of racial issues, including institutionalized and internalized racism and you need to go sit down and think about all this and what it says about you before you even so much as try to counter it. And for the rest of you where you stand by your stretching, I quote my brother: “Just say you hate black people and go. it’s not that deep.” It really isn’t; we can see you in your kiddy pool of defense.

@sith

[astrologypersonalityandcartoons]

(Authors Note I skipped quite a few poems based on just general quality reasons. I will not apologize for that any more then I will apologize for callouts.)

#166 The line ref

Some might say

You don't know what you're doing go out and play

Your lines are too long

You come on too strong

I get the strong feelings

Are somewhat less appealing

But what are you the line ref

My lines are good, even if they leave you out of breath

My lines are good, and are strong

Even if you're not singing them all night long

Yes the lines are a bit longer

But I feel that for that they're stronger

My lines are fire, my lines are power

'Sides it's not like reading 'll take an hour

Yeah I may not be concise

But, at least I'm precise

#169 Rep

There is power in representation, that is true

I know this poem will leave some with a boo-boo

Right where their fragile egos lye

But, it'll leave others with a sigh (of relief)

I support a woman's right to choose

Her body her choice,my dude

I may feel off about it at times, but at least I understand

A woman can make her own choice, no need to hold a hand.

Also an autistic, so listen here

We've been potrayed as smart or dumb throughout the years

I'm sick and tired of it ,the disrespect has to stop

It is called a spectrum for a reason you unbelievable flop

Lgbt+ rep and rights should be the norm

Not everybody is completly straight,allo, cis no need to conform

I should be able to feel pride

And doing so shouldn't make you snide

Mentally ill people aren't crazy

Nor are we just lazy

It's called getting help not just for you,but for us

Honestly why are we always the ones who are sus

While I'm on a roll here, I'm not black but

Black lives matter everyday ,I'll tell you straight up (because)

Most all y'all seem to forget the inequality they still face

And even some of you still discriminate based on race.

That is most of what I've got to say

Don't give me a, hey!!!!

Yes those words are mostly it

But, for those going through this stuff don't quit.

#171 A bisexual "puzzle piece"

Oh, look at me I'm a bi "puzzle piece"

No, I don't fit their labels of hetrosexuality or a "normal" brain

But I'm not going to cease

No, down my words will rain

First of all I'm not promiscuous or a slut

And I'm not super smart or dumb

I also like fluff not smut

And I don't suck my thumb

I know what I want

I'm not a child

Unlike you I don't feel the need to taunt

Nor am I wild

You won't catch other genders by being with me

Nor will you catch stupid.

'Cause it seems you already have it to a high degree.

So much it's getting humid.

Finally it's done and you with it.

Hope you had a horrible time

You ableist and/or biphobic nitwit

Sorry what'd you just say I heard my phone chime.

[afniel]

Nah hold up let me clarify something because I feel it coming and I'm too tired to deal with it.

Let me introduce y'all to a very cool and badass place:

The Ruth Lilly Health Education Center, in Indianapolis, IN.

You know, the capital state of having no sex ed basically because "anything beyond abstinence is basically telling kids how to FUCK and that is EVIL," and yet this place exists, and back in the 90s when I was a wee little larval Nevi I and my entire grade went here and we all (in a mixed group because why shouldn't you understand how ALL bodies work) watched a bunch of very good videos about fertilization, fetal development, sexually-transmitted diseases, birth control, you name it! We even had a Q&A session with a real live sexual health educator!

And I honestly think it was fucking instrumental in my grade having only one teenage pregnancy. (And thanks to community support, she finished school and graduated with everyone else and is doing well for herself—she's a self-sufficient business owner and has been for a while.)

Remember this was pre-internet-in-the-home. You couldn't just go look up whatever you wanted to know. You had to hope you could find a resource physically or knew someone who knew and would actually tell you without narcing on you if it was Forbidden Information. It was, in rural buttfuck nowhere Indiana, a dark age for knowing anything about your body, right as puberty was slapping you upside the head. But my school at least had a whole one optional field trip to this center, where you could ask anything and get a real, scientific answer, no judgement. Even sexual questions. ESPECIALLY sexual questions.

There are no shortage of people who would have us believe that ANY portrayal, at all, ever, of sexuality to or involving anyone underage at all is pornographic by definition.

It is not.

Even if it's literally just a story in which underage people happen to have sex. That's a thing that happens, y'all. It can be written about. Yeah, that situation certainly CAN be made to be pornographic, easily, and it should not be, but it isn't necessarily so. Abuse? Incest? Complicated feelings about those things? I am endlessly sorry to inform you that those exist, as much as I wish they did not, and because they exist, they can and must be discussed.

"Nevi this sounds like pro/anti—"

Neither! It's neither and that's a stupid fucking dichotomy that I will not be stuffed into and I don't think anyone else should be so excited to be either. Use some common sense. I guarantee nobody outside the internet spheres from which these terms arose gives a shit about it in that way except for pro-censorship sorts. That's the thing that's worth caring about. The rest of this? Fucking training wheels for accepting that if someone says words you dislike hard enough, it is good for them to be punished. NOTHING good lies down that path.

Which also doesn't mean that now absolutely all expression ever is good either, because shit is not black and white like that! They aren't even mutually exclusive statements. They inform each other in keep ways. You NEED both of them.

Yes, not every discussion about underage sexuality will seem "good." Many won't. Many will seem absolutely abhorrent and off-putting to you. That's normal. Pat yourself on the back for having a normal reaction, and then ask yourself: Is it reasonable to believe that someone is being harmed here? Is it reasonable to believe that someone here is planning to do harm? If no to both, look away, it's not for you any more than a graphic discussion of a surgery you haven't had would be for you. If yes to either, contact the authorities. (The real ones. Your friends and fandom buddies are generally not authorities, unless they're in the FBI (which is possible but unlikely).)

"Nevi I still think you're pro/anti/condoning/disapproving—"

Well, I can't stop you, but you're probably wrong and my opinion on any given thing you might come up with to fill in that blank would probably take a five-page term midpaper because it's a complex topic with no simple answers.

I hope your opinion is at least as long, or if it's not, that you can analyze why it isn't. It should be. The topic (portrayal of underage sexuality in ALL media, including but not limited to education and entertainment, to be quite clear) is not cut and dried. That's all I'm trying to say here. Take that on board and think about it, that's my only request and my entire point here.

I think an enormous amount of bullshit would just not be such a goddamn federal issue if people understood that sexual content is not necessarily pornographic content.

"Hey OP is this about—" This is about literally any and every topic you want to project onto it and my answer is the fucking same regardless.

[misfit-god]

God how do people know themselves? How do you know that you aren't making a mistake at every moment of everyday. And fuck. Yes I know y'all probably don't know. That you have to try anyway and just learn from your mistakes. But how the fuck you get over the blinding fear of making that mistake. How come during the day I want testosterone and top surgery? But then I get home and I'm having an anxiety attacks about even thinking about doing either of those things. And sure it's almost 100% because of my mom. Because I know I can't tell her if I do either. Which would be stressful because hiding that from her would be nearly impossible. And sure it shouldn't matter what she thinks. I'm an adult. But fuck. I still care so goddamn much about what she thinks. And honestly I don't know why? Our relationship is surface level now. It's nothing. But I'm still stuck in the time when I told her everything. When at the end of every day I would tell her everything that happened. When I couldn't keep things from her. And I'm so mad at myself for not just being happy as the gender I was born as. It wasn't enough to be bi. I just had to go and be trans too. And what if I'm faking it. What if I just lied to myself till I tricked my brain into thinking its true. What if I wanted to be more than some straight white cis gendered girl? Sure I only dressed in boy clothing till junior year of highschool. And sure I always kept my hair at most shoulder length. And sure I didn't wear makeup till college and then only for like two years. And sure when I grew boobs and had to start wearing shirts around the house I protested by never wearing pants. But what does any of that matter? Isn't it all just society's weird made up thing? I'm tired.