#but i’m glad they’re prioritizing his health

[jiangsyanli]

ily seungkwan :(((( take all the time u need boo

[nonsubstantial]

APRIL 2024 ART FASCINATION DIARY

This is another post about the art that I've been fascinated with this year. I make these posts monthly, so that I can look back and remember all the things that were keeping me happy and inspired! If you are reading this, then I hope it will be somewhat interesting to hear about. First, a collage of my interests this month, then there are descriptions below.

MUSIC / ALBUM I heard about Everything Harmony by The Lemon Twigs because Vinny Vinesauce liked it enough to feature it on his twitch channel four times within this last month. After checking it out, it quickly became a favorite of mine as well. It's inspired by 60's era rock bands like The Beach Boys and The Beatles, and the two brothers in charge of The Lemon Twigs were basically raised from birth to create this kind of music. They're excellent musicians, but I do have a few complaints, mainly that their band is a four person group that started as a two person group, and it shows. The musicians on their drums and backing guitar are unnoticeable most of the time, or even make their music worse when I really focus on the boring repetitive parts that they play in the mix. I think that it would improve things if we heard the other two members’ creativity shine a little more. On a different note, their lyrics also feel kind of hollow to me, sort of like facsimiles of themes that we heard out of the 60’s pop music that they’re inspired by. Maybe the brothers’ odd upbringing is what makes their lyrics feel like nothing more than dreamy imitations of other lyrics, rather than being something written from their own hearts? In any case, their vibe is really bizarre, but despite all my criticisms I did really enjoy this one album from them. (And actually, their new 2024 album is already out! It’s also fantastic, and I’ll talk about it on my May list.)

FANFIC / CREATIVE WRITING I've been working on a long fanfic for fun since last month, and every time I write a new scene for it I'm filled with a sense of creative euphoria for the rest of the day. It's not always perfect, but there's no real pressure to write something good, so it just ends up being an enjoyable outlet for my passions. Even if I never publish anything, being creative and exploring my own imagination is satisfying in itself, and I wish I had the time to do it every day! (HONESTLY, there could and should be time, if only our society actually prioritized taking breaks for mental health and personal wellbeing over making endless amounts of money and increasingly insubstantial products to be consumed by only the luckiest members of our parasitic upper class. I hate our unsympathetic workaholic capitalist culture with every fiber of my being, and wish that I could fucking end it all, but I digress...) Writing is just so fun. And I'll be working on the same projects for another few months, probably, as long as I can keep on keeping up with them.

REALITY GAME SHOW The finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 16 concluded this month, and I thought it was absolutely fantastic. Now that it’s over, we’re starting back from season 1 and we’re going to try to eventually watch it all! (We actually did finish season 1, right before posting this. It was interesting and groundbreaking in its own right, and it introduced me to Tammie Brown, who is now one of my favorite queens. Then, we started season 2 and I’m pretty sure that this is where the show’s bad reputation got its start, because I really can’t stand any of the season 2 contestants. Too bad, but we’ll keep on watching and see how it pans out anyway.) In season 16 though, there was just so much unique creativity and talent on display, and so many jaw dropping ‘holy shit’ moments, that I think it was one of the best things I have ever watched. It had the hypest final lip sync battle I ever could have imagined, and I had no idea which way it was going to end. In whole, I feel like the show was a wonderful watch, and I’m glad that our friends convinced us to give it a shot.

LIVE THEATER MUSICAL My partner and I were given a gift card to our local theater last year, so we finally used it to go see a live production of Annie! We don't live in a place where live musicals are very common, and I actually hadn’t seen any since highschool, so we had to make plans very early in the year to go watch it. And after having done so, I can say for certain that there is a unique magic to watching a live theater performance. I’m surprised that it was all performed so perfectly, even with children and a dog on stage, and remarkably, it sounded better than any recording I could find online before or after the event. It was so incredible all around that it totally transported me into a unique creative headspace. There were people of all ages there, some dressed up, some appearing more casual, but the atmosphere was delightful and jovial all around. I’m not going to comment about what was or wasn’t problematic about Annie; it’s not really that deep and you can probably figure that out on your own. But I will say that the magic of a live performance depends entirely on the energy in its room, and I was totally swept away by this experience. Without the discount, it would have been very pricey though, so I’m hoping that we can put away a little money to see a different live musical next year.

BOOK / AUDIOBOOK About a month and a half ago, I started Leo Tolstoy's epic work of historical fiction, War And Peace. I love a book that I can get completely lost in, and War and Peace is one of those books. I made it about 1/4th of the way through it this month, and even though it started slow, I’m now sure that it’s going to be an all time favorite. I read Anna Karenina years ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I expected to like this one too, but there was still a sort of learning curve to overcome at the start. After over a month of engaging with it, I feel like I’ve finally gotten over its barrier to entry, and now I’m picking up the pace. Most people have heard of this book before, so let me tell you that its high-sounding title is no false advertisement. It’s a Russian slice of life book set during the Napoleonic Wars, dealing with a huge assemblage of political and philosophical conflicts, and it will have you exasperatedly crying “time is a flat circle!” as you realize that humans today have nearly the same brains and political interests that they had over 200 years ago. It is already a masterpiece, in my opinion, and I’m going to be reading this book for the entire month of May also, so that’s something to look forward to. If you’re interested in checking out an audiobook, I’m also listening to the Maude translation, narrated by Neville Jason, and I think it’s quite good! (That's it for April! But we're already a few weeks into May, so expect more Lemon Twigs and more War And Peace. Thank you for caring about me, and I hope you have a good day! ♡)

[leonsliga]

I think Leon is glad that the guys won yesterday, but I'm afraid that what Kimmich said after WC will happen to him. Josh said that it seemed to him that the national team was playing badly because of him and he was afraid of falling into a hole…It can be the same with Leon, because Leon used to play an important role and everything was bad. now Nagelsman has chosen other players and it works…this may have a bad effect on his remaining season in Bayern. I blocked the dfb and all media accounts and just don't read or watch anything, I hope Leon did the same, he needs peace now

Right? I’m sure that even if it’s bittersweet for him, it’s still more sweet than bitter. I have no doubt Leon wishes he could be there celebrating with the team, but at the end of the day, like every national team footballer, he’s a fan first. If they’re succeeding, I’m sure he’s proud of them.

But it’s like you said; I worry about him too. I still remember that Players Tribune interview Jo did, where he talked about how deeply the World Cup defeats affected him mentally. The heartbreak was still plain on his face. To hear that he blamed himself for the team’s poor performances when they weren’t his fault—when football is a team sport—was absolutely gut-wrenching. I don’t want the same thing to happen to Leon; I don’t want him to spiral into self-blame and self-doubt.

Don’t get me wrong, a little bit of self-blame can be healthy if it motivates you to work harder and keep growing. But it’s a slippery slope—blame yourself too much and you can find yourself in a rut, afraid to even try because what’s the point doing so. To blame yourself is to dance along a razor’s edge.

The more I watch this whole situation unfold, the more I think you must need some of the thickest skin in the world to thrive as a professional footballer. After all, like you said, Leon’s the perfect example; he played at a time when the national team played poorly, poorer than anyone would’ve expected from Germany. And then, when he was left off the team, everything seemed to improve. It must be unimaginably hard not to come away thinking you were the one holding the team back the whole time—as though it’s all your fault. It must be harder still to avoid getting stuck in that rut—to not let situations like that affect your performances at club level.

Truth be told, I don’t know what the rest of the season holds for Leon. Will he be able to keep up his string of good performances, or will the despair and self-doubt start to eat at him? Only time will tell. One thing I know though? Leon needs our support, now more than ever. When we’re at our most vulnerable, a little bit of love goes a long way.

Side note, but it can’t have been easy to block the dfb on social media, so I’m really proud of you for doing what you needed to do for your mental health <3 I hope Leon prioritizes his mental health too; he needs time to process everything and recover, just like any of us would.

[triplexdoublex]

You don't have to post this or anything but I just need to get this off my chest bc no one irl really understands. But I have this online friend who I have been talking to for about 3 yrs and when I say friend I mean like best friend. I have told him about everything and opened up to him about so many of my problems and struggles that I never had the courage to tell anyone face to face and vice versa with him telling me things. Like he's actually more like my brother to me and absolutely means the world to me but he has had a really hard life and is saying he wants to commit suicide bc he keeps getting knocked down in life and I'm just really scared for him. We might live states away but I still love and cherish him like I see him everyday. It just sucks knowing not matter how much I try to talk to him no matter how much I try to give him hope it's ultimately his decision and it's so fucking scary

TW// Suicide

I’m so sorry you and your friend are going through this, but I’m glad they have you as a friend who truly care. I understand this is a scary time for you as well so please make sure you’re prioritizing your mental health as well. This article has some great advice and resources . I hope you can find it helpful!

[mochiwrites]

Spoilers for the latest Crime AU fic!!! The part that just made me so sad was, “(The weirdest part, is that sometimes he can hear two people calling for him. One of them sound familiar, almost like Martyn. But the other? Grian isn’t sure. All he knows is that they’re yelling for him to come home every time. Begging.)” that was just so sad, you, mochi just tugged my heart strings every time I read a fix from you.

Your stories are so good that I just think about it for too much hours, and oh my gosh, “He crushes the note in his fist. He has a meeting to attend.” THE CLIFF HANGER WAS SO GOOD, AND NOW I’M WONDERING IF GRIAN WILL MEET JIMMY AND IF GRIAN IS GONNA CRASH A MEETING INFESTED WITH WATCHERS. Your giving me too much excitement. Thank you so much for updating and sharing your stories! I appreciate that your sharing the stories you create but I would like you to prioritize yourself first, like I want you to do things that will make you happy even if that means not updating or sharing your stories. Because your health, physically and mentally is much more important and the fact that a lot of authors are not being appreciated makes me upset, because many artists/authors can choose the option to not share what they create, and the fact that artists/authors choose to share what they create is much appreciated since we the readers/audience wouldn’t know the story/product that they’ve made.

So really thank you so much Mochi!! (And I’m sorry if this comes out badly or that you have negative feelings about this ask, I’m usually a lurker but I want to express that I’m thankful, so I apologize if this seems rude or awkward (it’s definitely awkward… ha ha.. it’s my first time making a ask so I deeply apologize if I made you uncomfortable. And again thank you so much for everything!!)

I'M GONNA CRY ANON THIS IS SO SWEET?????

don't you even worry, there's absolutely nothing here that creates any negative feelings, and it isn't awkward at all!!!! <3333

that one line referencing jimmy and martyn is probably one of my favorites!!!! it gives so much detail without giving much at all. it's the fact that while grian may not remember them right Now, subconsciously, he does remember martyn and jimmy.

but I'm really glad to be giving you excitement too !!! these stories are all so exciting so for other people to also be getting excited over them just makes me incredibly pleased. and excited to write more!!!

and wahhhh ty !! I'm taking care of myself best I can dw <3

[josiebelladonna]

”Unfortunately, many people associate engagement in sexual kink behavior with having a negative impact on one’s mental health or stemming from something inherently wrong with the individual, such as a history of trauma, an unhealthy way to cope with stress, or the presence of a sexual perversion. As a result, there’s a notion that mental health interventions are necessary to address kink and there is a history of viewing kink as disordered atypical behaviors.”

i’m actually surprised that i haven’t been institutionalized yet, because my brother has been wanting me to see a shrink for 5 years because according to him, i’m not right in the head. i’m glad he doesn’t know shit about my private life because he’d shit his pants if he saw the sheer amount of kinks that haunt me. and it’s weird, my mental health has actually tanked since getting to know my kinks and starting a sex journal. it’s made me open my wounds and let them bleed, like they were trying to heal already and now they have to scab over again??

“While, in some instances there may be concern for mental health intervention such as engaging in behaviors that harm others or that cause the individual distress, often the push for seeking a mental health professional comes from a place of the negative stigma that has been placed on kinky behavior. However, exploring kinks can actually improve one’s mental health in various ways.”

well, either i’m not doing this right or the research is wrong.

“Research has shown that sexual pleasure is essential to physical, mental, and sexual health and that the presence of sexual pleasure can improve overall well-being. By exploring sexual kinks, you can improve mental health as you allow yourself to experience new avenues of sexual pleasure. By not exploring sexual kinks that may interest you, you miss the chance to incorporate sexual activities that you find pleasurable and risk having a sex life that is not prioritizing your pleasure.”

>the kinktober community is a complete nuclear waste dump overrun with jerks, barbie dolls, walking caricatures, and antisemites, and i find nothing “pleasurable” about any of aspect of it >i proclaim that i don’t want to do it anymore after this year because of that tidbit and i feel like my kinks don’t matter, either >sees that last sentence while bearing in mind that i’m caught under a mountain of kinks

well, i don’t believe this.

“Sexual shame comes from the direct or indirect negative messages people internalize about sex that cause feelings of being inherently wrong. Viewing the presence of sexual kinks as something that needs to be fixed perpetuates stigma and increases shame, directly having a negative impact on mental health. The feelings of shame that come from the misconceptions about sexual kinks can lead to feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem. Also, researchers have identified the following to be reasons people involved in kink experience stress: social stigma, concealment, isolation, and self pathologizing.

When kink behavior is suppressed, we are essentially telling ourselves that there is something wrong with this part of me and that creates an internal conflict. Alternatively, when we view kink as a journey of growth and exploration, we create resiliency against the social stigmas and feel positively rather than negatively about that part of us. Thus, by exploring sexual kinks you give yourself space to decrease these negative feelings as you embrace kink rather than shame it.”

so, that’s it? just start seeing it as a “journey” and you’ll be right as rain?

okay. let me suggest this. when you look around, and you find that everyone is writing about kink, and the way they write it is in the form of scenarios, like “you are their best friend and they come to you with a dirty secret that they’re pregnant” and they are so wildly popular to the point it’s all anyone writes, just “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, “you”, over and over again to the point the word “you” stops being a word and they’re often 500-1500 words; very rarely do you find these that are upwards of 2000 words. then someone like me comes along, writing from feelings that they have literally no way of enunciating aloud because they’ve never had sex or been in a relationship and having a crush is baggage. that someone writes into a kink that’s popular, like for example size kink. outside of their comfort zone: they don’t have any fucking clue how it’s supposed to look and they need to do research in other places on what it even is. they try it out, but they aren’t happy with it because they don’t think of their crush as being a “size queen” and they just realized they wrote 4000 words but it feels like they just stumbled to that mark. they aren’t succinct, and they wish they were. 4000 words to “explore” a kink that everyone else could do in 600?

or better yet, they engage in a kink they are familiar with: leather. they ask themselves if they’re describing it right, if they can depict the smell and feel of it and the eroticism of it… whatever the fuck that is. some broad comes along and writes “you grind on their leather-clad thigh!” and everyone loses their shit while avoiding you like the ‘rona.

all i can think is what on earth was even the point. if this is the “journey”, well, then it’s a journey straight to hell on earth. you stop being “resilient” really quickly.

do you understand now why i wanted to slit my own throat last year?

“As mentioned above, because sexual kinks often have a negative connotation of being inherently wrong due to their lack of mainstream acceptance interest in or participation in a kink can feel shameful. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you because of your sexual interest. Instead of viewing sexual kinks as something to be ashamed of, view it as a healthy part of your sexuality to explore.“

well, when all everyone wants to do is look down their noses at you when you crank out 5000 words about how much you want to explore your voice kink, is it still healthy? and how do i even know that i’m sexually healthy, anyway?

“If you have interest in a certain kink but you’re unfamiliar about what it entails, knowledge is power. Doing some research gives you the opportunity to explore what the kink entails, what you may or may not like about it, and sometimes you realize that the social construct around the kink may be vastly different than what the kink really is. This will give you the power to make an informed decision.”

*laughs in aquaphilia* *laughs in aforementioned research on size kink, too*

“Having a safe space means that you feel emotionally, psychologically, and physically safe to explore kink. The absence of safety can lead to avoidance and hiding, which directly contribute to feelings of shame. To determine if you have safety ask yourself the following questions:

Do you feel safe with yourself?

Do you feel comfortable exploring this kink, without feeling like you’re doing something wrong?

If not, this would be a good time to work on shifting your view and educating yourself, then give yourself permission to explore.

Do you feel safe with your partner?

If you initiate a conversation with your partner about your sexual kinks, how will they respond?

If you are met with negative reactions when exploring your kinks, it will only reinforce the negative stigma attached to kinks. But don’t personalize this; the other person maybe isn’t there yet, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong and it’s great that you’re open to exploring what brings you pleasure.”

i feel safe enough with myself to consider exploring the damned things, but i cringe when i masturbate. i cry looking at lingerie and sex toys. and i do in fact do research. and it does absolutely nothing. and i’m perpetually single. i have too many mixed feelings to even consider a relationship. i don’t have any idea how or what a conversation like that would look like.

“Talking about sex and kink can decrease the internalized shame around it! While sex is a personal matter and you may not be ready to shout it from the roof tops, just talking about it with your partner removes the cover up behaviors that perpetuate feelings of shame.

Now that you have the knowledge about what the kink entails you can have an informed conversation with your partner. Sometimes people are quick to shut down a conversation about kinks due to lack of knowledge. If you are interested in a kink, you can provide your partner with information so they can make an informed decision on if the kink is something they want to explore or not rather than making a decision based off what they perceive the kink to be.”

so, since i don’t have a “”””partner”””” (god, i hate that word now), i should talk about my internal world more on here? i have literally never liked doing that, even before the advent of the censors on here. i’m one of those people who, i take a breath and i catch hell for it. really, i used to get scolded for talking about going to a party when i was in engineering school. like “no one wants to hear that and people will use that against you, stop it” (yes, i’d get that at 18/19, legally an adult).

“Everyone has their own palate for pleasure. Sometimes you may find that you are interested in sexual kinks that your partner is not and that is okay. Have a conversation in which you explore how this kink may be incorporated in a way that works for everyone involved. While this may not always be possible, it’s worth exploring the spectrum to see if there’s any overlap in desires.”

tell this to the kinktober community in 2024. requests left and right and only going by what they deem to be “popular” instead of reaching inside themselves. and i have too many fucking kinks, too. there could be overlap but i still would be left untapped. you want me to have a full experience, right? who would be able to keep up with me and all my kinks, every single one of them? this is fucking HORRIBLE! this seriously makes me sick to think about.

“When you explore your sexual kinks in a safe way, you do more good than harm, which oftentimes is the opposite of what cultural norms have taught us. If you find yourself struggling with allowing yourself to explore sexual kinks remind yourself of the benefits on your mental health.”

when you have a thousand and one kinks and you realize most of them will be left out to dry, it becomes kind of pointless, doesn’t it?

[calzonekestis]

No but the way ST is the biggest project so far that Grace has been a part of… that she got to work with actors she respected and who respected her… play a character and dynamic that left such a resonance despite being limited to a single episode…

She is absolutely allowed to enjoy that and the fact people have tainted the experience by being so fucking heinous and despicable is something I’ll never forgive.

Because like yes she is loved and knows she is loved, but the fact people are just. So dedicated to trying to tear or down and make her seem like a bad or creepy person.

When she is literally just the sweetest and probably most unproblematic person who just wants to live her life and play her games and cuddle her cat and eat noodles.

And enjoy the success and acclaim and fan following that she has absolutely earned and deserved.

That people make false, seriously horrifying claims about her character… while she out here just trying to vibe.

Like I know we should choose Love over Hate, don’t stoop to their level, but no fuck that I hate y’all.

If you dedicate your day to trying to tear down someone and run a smear campaign again against then - idc if they’re a celebrity or not - because you can’t stand to see them happy and living their best life? The life they deserve?

No, go fuck yourself.

If you prioritize fictional characters relationships over treating someone with just basic human decency.

Bitch I’m unhinged. Like don’t go calling me ableist, bc I legit have mental health struggles and like… that’s no excuse.

I don’t even know what the hell these people are.

A pathetic and broken excuse for a human being, I guess.

It doesn’t matter how much love, support, and solidarity is thrown Grace’s way. It doesn’t erase the abuse and bullying.

What should be one of the highlights of her life and career is forever tainted bc no matter how fondly she remembers it or loves the fans or has pleasant experiences with them - she won’t forget the absolute bullshit the twitter demons have put her though.

All this over fictional characters. Who are fucking dead within the canon, anyway.

Meanwhile her costar is even louder these days with his praise for, both her and for the ship… yet he’s infantilized and needs to be protected from his friend because she’s some sort of creepy stalker fan for being proud of the work they did together.

The man is out here with his whole chest talking about how his character had a crush, how those feelings informed his arc and how he played the character. You treat him like an infant who is babbling nonsense.

The woman shares cute fan art. She’s the antichrist, apparently.

I’m mad as hell.

Honesty, I’m glad she and Joe aren’t on the show anymore - because while I love their characters, this is the most Extreme fandom I’ve ever seen. The lovely people are so lovely, angelic. The bad apples are just.. demons. Literal actual demons. I can’t say I’m sad the show is ending, because Jesus Christ on Fire.

The way some of you people treat the cast.

Y’all making gross claims, throwing around the word “p*do” at people for shipping two high school seniors who are legally old enough to consent. Their is nothing illegal or immoral about that fictional relationship. There is no power imbalance.

The maximum age difference is 2 years… between two people who would both be adults by the time graduation came around in like two months.

Meanwhile, y’all been sexualizing Millie and Finn since they were like 13 years old.

Somehow Grace is a stalker for hanging out with a co Star a few times nearly two years ago.

Yet having notifications on for someone you hate, screenshot thing her story, and dragging her on twitter all within the span of 2 minutes of her posting it… that’s completely normal human behavior.

Again, go fuck yourself. With a cactus.

[fe-fictions]

Stahl x Robin commission 

It started late one night.

You were already feeling under the weather, but worse still, your babies had started throwing up as soon as dinner was over.

Everybody was under the weather, but the issue was, nobody was sure why.

“Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods-!!” Stahl had Morgan tucked under one arm, Marc slung over his shoulder, and he was trying desperately to help you to the washroom before you also emptied the contents of your stomach.

To say he was concerned was an understatement, but the poor mellow man had now suddenly been tasked with acting as the head nurse.

Somehow, he managed to get the children into their washroom, assigninga bucket to one, a basin to the other, and simultaneously was scrambling to try and get you taken care of too in the midst of all the madness.

It was going very poorly.

“Papa…” Morgan’s pitiful moan was the only signal Stahl had before the sweet child had to throw up again.

Stahl was over in an instant, petting his little boy’s head and pressing a cold, wet cloth to Morgan’s neck.

The baby was trembling from head to toe, but his little sister wasn’t doing much better. Poor Marc was clutching the basin, her face an uncomfortable mixture of pale and green.

“It’s okay, buddy. You’re doing fine. Your body’s doing what it’s supposed to do.”

“I f-f-feel like it’s t-trying to k-kill me…” He said, stumbling over his words between chattering teeth. Stahl kissed the top of his head, giving his son a very gentle hug.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He gives him one more kiss to Morgan before turning his attention to Marc. She was fading, thankfully, looking like her spent energy was officially turning into sleepiness. 

She was only two, so this was just brutal for her. He gently takes her into his arms, making sure to wipe her cheeks and mouth with her cool cloth. 

She’s so light when she holds him…maybe when she’s back to full health he’ll start feeding her more. 

“Do you want to try to sleep, honey?” He asked her softly, brushing his thumb along her pouty cheeks. She nodded tiredly, clinging to his tunic with what little strength she had left.

He smiled softly (albeit rather sadly), taking her quickly to her bedroom. He delicately laid her into her bed, tucking her in and making sure to give her a nice, fresh cloth for her forehead while she slept.

“If your tummy starts to hurt again, you call for Papa, okay?” He crouched beside the bed, brushing her hair back. 

“Yes, Papa.” She whispered, earning a flurry of kisses on her temple.

“Good girl…sweet dreams.” He murmured, giving her the best smile he could before he made his way back to his poor wife.

The only disadvantage of being the mother of two small children is that, when everybody was feeling ill, you had to be prioritized last.

It made plenty of sense, seeing as the babies couldn’t take care of themselves. But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want Stahl to dote on you first (a little bit).

Thankfully the doting came in swiftly, with Stahl knocking on the bedroom door before hurrying to the washroom you were currently holed up in.

Your hand was on your forehead, leaned back against the wall and fighting the nausea threatening to overwhelm you again.

“Hey…how are you feeling?” He asked you cautiously, coming to your side. A tentative hand rested on your back, and you did your best to respond with some semblance of positivity.

“Well, I haven’t thrown up in a little while,” Your voice cracked, but you managed to paste a smile on, “So I think the worst is over.”

“I’m really glad to hear that.” He sighed, though the relief in his voice was sharply contrasted with the exhaustion that came with playing nurse.

“I-I think I can keep some food down, finally…how are the kids?”

“They’re still green, and still traumatized,” He said, running his hand up and down your back absentmindedly. “But they’re not throwing up every twenty minutes like they were through the night.”

“Gods, those poor babies.” You frowned,heart twisting at the thought of being powerless to help your little ones in a crisis like this. “I wonder what caused it.”

“I’ve heard there’s a pretty nasty stomach flu going around the city. Children seem to be the source of the plague.”

“Could it be due to the nursery?” You wondered, “They go to the castle daycare every day….I’m sure some other child must’ve exposed it to them. But why did I get sick?”

“Well, I grew up in Ylisstol, so I’ve had more than my fair share of stomach bugs. I’m guessing you don’t have the immunity for it since you weren’t raised around here.” 

“That makes sense…” You trailed off, shutting your eyes when another wave of nausea hit. Stahl tensed beside you, ready to spring into action.

“Are you okay?”

“...I’m…fine.” You managed, grip slackening as you leaned back. Stahl directed you into his side, wrapping his arm around you.

“At least you’re in better shape than last night. The kids are more or less the same, but I think the worst of it is over. Though I’m not a doctor, so I can’t say for sure.”

“Did you alert the clerics?”

“Uhhh, no-” He scrambled up suddenly, “I should do that!”

“W-wait, don’t run off yet.” You laughed weakly, “It’s still early, and we’re not dying. We can let them know what happened in a little while. Let’s just wait and see i-if we can stabilize a bit, first.”

“Are you sure?” He fretted, “I’ve never done this before, and I’d hate to make things worse for you all by not getting help! I barely know what I’m doing anyways!”

“There’s not much to it, dear.” You smiled, “Keeping us clean and comforted is a big step. Making something light and easy on the stomach would be next…porridge, or rice…”

“Oh gods, that’s right! Breakfast!” He slapped a hand to his forehead, “I knew I forgot something! You all must be starving.” 

He looked so guilty, it was like he’d kicked a puppy. You waved a dismissive hand.

“If we’re still nauseous and vomiting, it’s best not to try anything.” You said, “But if things have calmed down by the time you’ve finished preparing it, then it’ll be worth attempting.”

“Are you sure?” Stahl hesitated again, looking positively flabbergasted and at the end of his rope. It was hard enough handling one sick person, but with two of them being his babies and the other his wife, he was teetering on the brink even after hours of care.

You held out your hand for him to take, drawing him back to your side. 

“We’ll be okay.” You promised, “Try to settle down a little bit.”

He nodded and comes back down beside you, though he’s still pinching the bridge of his nose. You  look at him sadly, knowing he’s beating himself up.

“I just hate that I can’t do more for you all. I’m your husband, and I’m their papa, but I just feel so powerless, you know? Like I should be able to take care of you guys when the hells break loose!”

“You do a fine job of that,” You lean against his shoulder while shutting your eyes, “It’s just the first time you’ve had to do it. Nobody does it perfectly on their first try.”

“But what if it ends up affecting you or the children? What if they get worse because I couldn’t take care of them as good as you? O-or what if I leave you here for too long and you’re stuck dealing with this mess all alone?”

You pat his arm, “The storm’s already passed for the most part, my love. I think…you just need to relax. If we weren’t doing well, we’d tell you. If it was because you weren’t helping, I would definitely tell you.”

“...Really?” He looks down at you, eyes full of anxiety. He was such a sweet man, if only a little bit too worried about the small things.

You bump his chin with your forehead. “Really.”

“Aw…” He blushes, “If you’re sure you’re doing okay, then I’ll try to worry a little less. Let me go check on the kids, and then I’ll start making breakfast.”

“Take your time.” You hum softly when he kisses the top of your head, giving you one last quick squeeze before leaving you to your own devices.

Mercifully, the worst of it was over. The children could keep their breakfast down, even if their appetites were lacking. 

It was a day all three of you spent in bed, with your sweet Stahl hurrying between your rooms to make sure everyone was comfortable, nobody had thrown up again, and temperatures were normal and safe.

It was certainly quite hard being a lone father and husband versus a whole family of Ylissean Flu-havers…but despite his struggle, it was a battle he had somehow managed to conquer.

He made sure to reward himself with a hefty bowl of beef stew for dinner (your treat), and a nice, long 10 hour nap afterwards.

[billfarrah]

As painful as it was to see Simon break up with Wille, I think that, at this point in the storyline, it was the best thing to do for Simon’s own mental health. I’ve seen people criticize him for “abandoning Wille,” but you have to remember that Simon is very much also affected by the situation. He’s not there solely to provide comfort for Wille. He has his own mental health to worry about and it would not be healthy for him to prioritize Wille’s over his own.

One of my favourite things that this show avoided was having the typical one person is out, the other is not, and the one who is out forces the other to come out when they’re clearly not ready. I absolutely loved that Simon made it very clear he was not upset with Wille for being unable to come out. Him reassuring Wille that he can take all the time he needs and that he respects it is literally so important, because even though he won’t let himself be a part of it, he wants Wille to know that he doesn’t begrudge him for it.

Obviously we all want them to get back together one day, and I believe they will, but I’m so glad we didn’t have to suffer through a scene of Simon begging Wille to come out, or saying that if he didn’t, they’d be over. I think Simon knows Wille has the strength to do it himself, but he’s just not there yet, and until he is, Simon had to put himself first and take a step back. He handled the situation with great maturity and grace. You can see in the soft way he looked at Wille in the final scene and the way he hugged him back that just because they won’t be together doesn’t mean Simon won’t still be there for him in some way. I hope they continue to talk while Wille is away for Christmas, even if it’s just as friends (for now).

[saintobio]

I have high hopes that y/n didn’t do that. Personally, I don’t think she would spite him even after all he’s put her through, unless it concerns her health. Even then I still have doubts, she’s very selfless. Then there’s the dialogue between his two best friends. I do recall you saying that they’re soulmates but everything’s is wrong timing for them a while back, so I’m kinda glad she asked for a divorce. In my opinion their relationship was toxic even after the whole Sera ordeal was over, it just seemed like the only thing that could “patch them up” so to say, for y/n and gojo was that baby. And moving her into the mansion he was planning on moving in with sera? My guy…he clearly needs more time to change.

Anonymous said

I can't see y/n giving up that child. She'd risk the labor at the cost of her life. She loves the baby, and no matter how much Gojo hurt her, she'd reason that the child is innocent.

Shoko's behavior... her dad's... I think she's going to have the kid still, but she's too scared to let Gojo be a part of it because she can't trust him with her and the child (just like she said.) I think the "abortion" might have been a ploy to get him to agree to a divorce and/or keep him in the dark about the child. WHICH, I read it closely but I'm hella dyslexic so I think I saw that he never agreed to one or signed any papers right? They're still married? And he hasn't been going out so there's no way he got "served"?

Anonymous said

okay what was shoko tryna say tho?? “it’s not what it seems”????🤨 I’m kinda doubtful reader actually had the abortion.. my heart hurts so much for satoru even though he’s a dick. mans really bought us the mansion he imagined living in with sera… ughhhh tojixreader arc when

Anonymous said

Honestly I think y/n kept the baby. She probably lied to get Gojo to leave her alone, she’s leaving so she can continue the rest of her pregnancy term in peace so she can give birth safely. I just can’t see y/n killing her baby bc of its father’s mistake, u all saw how she cherishes the baby. I feel so bad for gojo tho, he has lost his second family, his reputation is ruined and he believes his baby is dead. U really ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it huh?😭 crying, throwing up, sliding down my the wall dramatically, banging my head on the wall, ripping my hair out, screaming, punching air, and coughing. If u hate us just say that🧍‍♀️

@el13 said

YOU SAID WE COULD HANDLE IT, I COULD NOT HANDLE IT omfg I didn't see that coming. Whether she decided to stay with him or not, I really didn't think she would have an abortion (unless🤔). But holy shit, I feel so much pain for him. I guess sometimes the timing and circumstances just aren't right. Anyways I'm gonna cry myself to sleep now- 😭✌️

Anonymous said

why do i feel like she's keeping the baby but she just doesnt wanna tell mr gojo the dumbass bitch? 😈😈 i think this chapter hurts a whole of a lot but having to be here since wastelands made me numb as fuck, other than that, another amazing chapter saint 💗 ily, *kiss kiss*

Anonymous said

This chapter hurt a LOT but I think they divorcing is for the best like when you think about it their marriage was so stained with Gojos mistakes and there was no way y/n would ever trust him completely.I know many people think Gojo deserves all this pain and he does but I also think he deserves to get somehow a “happy” ending , I hope he gets therapist and learns to love himself and not to be so codependent of others. He has a lot of work to do and for y/n ( I have the theory she didn’t get an abortion pretty sure she’s moving and raising the child by herself and if she did get one good for her too bc she should always prioritize herself) I hope she finds someone who loves her unconditionally and gives her what she deserves ( if that man is toji or not it really doesn’t matter to me) and I also hope she heals from all the pain Gojo put her thru , she deserves nothing but happiness . And just a final note! The way you write angst is AMAZING!!!

Anonymous said

I wonder if mc rlly went thru with the abortion? if that makes sense, I just feel like it’s very out of character for them. I’m excited to see ch20 !! I love ur writing style it’s so heartbreaking yet beautiful

Anonymous said

Saint… wtf was this? This was so sad omg😢, Satoru’s really going through the shit, but so is Y/N. Ahhh and the little munchkin too🥺?? This was a ton to take in at one time omg. I’m holding out a small amount of hope that the baby isn’t really gone and they are just keeping them away from Gojo, but ik it’s a long shot. I really hope both him and Y/N get a chance to heal from all this, but once again, Gojo really did this to himself (and Y/N) he didn’t have to marry her and treat her like that, but he did and I don’t think he’ll be able to move on with his life and start his healing process until he acknowledges it and stops trying to find an excuse for it. As for Sera… well, I don’t think anybody just deserves to be treated as badly as that, she better understand that’s what she gets for messing around with a married man. She should’ve known better and then treating Y/N like shit… when she was nothing but kind and understanding… yeah I don’t wanna she deserves all of what’s going on considering her situation, but at the same time it’s a lesson learned (Especially with the whole Naoya thing, cause 😬 that was just embarrassing). Anyway, I hope Y/N has a chance to heal and recover from both her angina and her mess of a marriage. Question: did Y/N get the surgery to get rid of her angina? Or is she still waiting? Where is Y/N gonna travel to? And how did Toji react to everything that’s going on? But all in all, this was an amazing chapter Saint, and I really appreciate you doing this on your time when you feel like it. It makes it even more special that you share your talents with us ❤️. Get plenty of rest and drink water ❤️❤️❤️

@minaces said

Pls why do I have a feeling this miraculous fanfiction baby of 5 months somehow lived ??? (Idk how incubation works !!!!!!!!) but like she's leaving the country ,,,, and shoko's little "trust me" just leaves me thinking . . .

I'm like gaslighting myself into thinking that the baby somehow lived idk why I got so attached to this fanfiction fetus

Anonymous said

i will believe there was no abortion, that’s why y/n is going away, and they just wanted to make satoru suffer. yes.

AH BUT FR THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER I CANT STOP CRYING

i felt it all the way to the core. you get to understand gojo’s pain. but i still believe y/n decision were wise and we do not have the reasoning behind them since we just got gojo’s pov.

if he actually proceeded with his actions it would all be in vain, for he would just be escaping the consequences of his actions

AGGGHH im such a sucker for you and your writing

these are all rly good theories you guys !! they’re very interesting to read but i can’t confirm anything rn </3 i’m glad to know that the angst delivered tho 🥺 tysm

[masterjedilenawrites]

My guy, can I just say that I LOVE your writing? Its absolutely amazing and wholesome! speaking of wholesome, could I maybe request the clones with an s/o who wants a child? Or maybe the clones as fathers?

Wow thank you, I'm flailing on the floor from these compliments! Glad to provide some wholesome content for the fandom in these trying times... #bringcrosshairhome

I just did a Clones with pregnant S/O request, so here's Clones as fathers...

Cody is a dutiful father. He takes the job seriously right from the start, seamlessly readjusting his life to include his child as if they'd always been there. He'll take any opportunity to teach his child all the important things, from hands-on tasks like fixing a speeder or shooting a blaster, to more abstract concepts like being polite to strangers and apologizing when in the wrong. When he has to choose work over home, he makes up for it with extra attention when he returns.

Rex is a super-dad. His kids look up to him their entire lives, believing he really is a superhero. Think Jack Pearson from This is Us. He'll dress up for tea parties, and listen to the same stories over and over, and chauffeur them and their friends around town, and help with homework, and lend them money for when they go on their first date.... He's tired all the time, but he never lets it show. He and his S/O are partners in this endeavor; their teamwork is admirable and enviable.

Wolffe is a private dad. He keeps his family life separate, that way he can be the tough leader he needs to be in battle, and then let all of that go when he returns home. He's a secret softie and only his S/O and child ever see that side of him. They have him wrapped around their finger; he knows this, and loves it. There isn't a single thing he wouldn't do for either of them. They are his world. He gets sentimental about a lot of things and doesn't like how fast his baby grows up.

Fox is a doting father. He'd spoil the shit out of his kids. Sneaking candy when their mom says no, buying the toy they secretly eyed in the store, letting them stay up late and watch him clean his armor. He gets in trouble with his S/O a lot, but he can't help it. He wants to give his kids the entire galaxy. He can discipline them when necessary, and because he only does so sparingly, his kids take it seriously and never act that way again. He thinks they are just perfect.

Fives is a proud dad. Everything his children do is amazing. He keeps every last drawing or craft they make for him. He recounts every milestone of their lives to his brothers. He cries over them a lot. He is just in awe of how they grow up, all their strength and potential and innocence, he just eats it up. He definitely wears T-Shirts that have puns of the word dad in it, so anyone who sees him knows who he is. It's the most important part of his life, far more than being a soldier.

Echo is a nurturing father. He is very concerned with the health and happiness of his child. He's more nervous when they're young, wondering if they're behind in their development or whether their runny nose is a sign of something more serious. He's more comfortable when they get older, letting them do more on their own. He's big on communication and uses little codewords. Like, Cover-fire means he needs them to just do as they're told. DMZ means they're free to speak their mind, no judgement. Retreat means they need to rethink their bad attitude and apologize.

Jesse is a hip dad. He doesn't try to be, he just is. He never really let go of that part of himself after becoming a father, listening to certain kinds of music or having a fun night out. He doesn't set a lot of rules; in fact, he openly allows certain things that other parents might balk at. He figures it's better for them to experience these things in the safety of their home, rather than doing it behind his back and getting hurt. His kids like their cool dad, they're never embarrassed.

Kix is an affectionate father. His favorite thing in the whole galaxy is coming home to his children tackling him with hugs and kisses. He might coddle in the early years, letting them sleep in his bed or carrying them around everywhere. But as they grow, he's more encouraging of their independence, so long as they still let him hug them whenever he wants. He's also obsessed with health; totally the dad who never lets them eat any sugar or watch TV if the sun's still shining.

Tup is a timid dad. He second-guesses himself a lot, wondering if he made the right decisions or said the right things to his child. He does his best to learn and catch on to the best way to go about things, but it seems as soon as he's finally comfortable, his child has grown up or moved on to the next phase and he has to start over. He is best during the quiet moments of his child's life: reading stories before bed, giggling during bathtime, comforting a broken heart...

Dogma is a responsible father. He prioritizes rules over all else, but puts a lot of thought and care into crafting them. And he's created a lot of rules for himself, too. Things like always wishing them good-night, even when he's away on missions. Or never expressing his frustration in front of them. He creates plenty of opportunities for them to earn privileges or other rewards. He disciplines firmly but fairly. He splits the child-rearing duties with his S/O evenly, as well.

Hardcase is a dorky dad. He's not as hardcore at home as he is on the battlefield, but he still has a lot of energy and releases it through corny jokes, silly antics, and other displays of tomfoolery. Think Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. He wants to be his children's best friend. He tries to keep up with all the trends and slang, which just makes his kids cringe in embarrassment. He's not the best with discipline, but he does get more serious if one of them is hurt or struggling.

Hunter is an interactive father. He will never be considered distant, oh no. He engages with his kid on every level, being a constant and dependable presence in their life. He talks to them as a baby even when they don't understand. He lets them tag along as a toddler, indulging in their curiosity. He checks in with them when they're older, having honest conversations about whatever is on their mind.

Wrecker is a playful dad. Life is an adventure and he's excited to take his children along on the ride. He'd have a lot of kids, filling his home with sounds of laughter and fighting and joy and tears. He'd encourage them to develop a hobby and would attend every competition, performance, etc. without fail. Even with so many to keep track of, he manages to make each one feel special, they all have an important place in the family and never get left out, not on his watch.

Crosshair is a protective father. He knows he's not the best with emotions, so he makes up for it by always having his child's back. Looking out for them. Keeping them safe. He'd teach them how to fight from an early age, going to shooting ranges or on hunts. It'll be their "thing," a way for them to quietly connect through the years. And heaven help the poor soul who ever hurts his little one. He will not hold back in defending their honor and squeezing out an apology.

Tech is a chill dad. He isn't bothered by much, so he keeps his cool through even the roughest stages of his child's development. This ends up creating a sense of stability for his family, they can always count on Dad to keep things steady and real. He won't pry into his child's life; if they want help, they'll need to come to him. But once they do, he is passionate about teaching them everything he knows. He will support them in all of their studies, hobbies, and interests.

[phoenixtakaramono]

Character Design Thoughts for Shen Yuan & Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky in ‘The Untold Tale’

(This is a Follow Up to This Post)

Hello, @averydrearydiana! Loved reading through your tags! I’m excited that you’re excited! Since I’m also seeing comments on AO3 speculating about how our transmigrators are going to appear as in The Untold Tale, I might as well give my current thoughts and have this archived on tumblr for future reference.

A fun fact about TUT is that a lot of the imagery in the story is inspired by Chinese PVs and popular C-dramas and literature. Since TUT is conceived as a lovestory to SVSSS, one element that I’d wanted to incorporate is playful attempts at satirical genre deconstruction. With that comes with me playfully poking fun at some clichés or things I’ve noticed in Chinese works.

Shen Yuan’s Celestial Design

Before I talk about his mortal appearance, I have to give a lil context about his celestial design in the story. We already know what he looks like as the celestial fortuneteller in TUT’s cover art that I’ve already posted on tumblr. As everyone knows, I was heavily inspired by this Chinese PV:

(TUT ch1 - Excerpt)

Among the things I’ve noticed are the fictional characters with white hair. We have a whole subculture of fans liking male character designs with white hair in anime and animation. Taking that a step further, they’ve even shown up in C-dramas, i.e. Teng She from Love and Redemption (technically more blond than platinum white, but shhhhh, just let me have this), Dong Hua Dijun from Eternal Love of Dream aka Three Lives Three Worlds, Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms (rest assured, I’m aware of the source material’s controversy, but let’s not get into that here), etc. One of the tags for TUT is Opposites Attract. Luo Binghe’s color coordination is aligned with black and red mostly. Now, visually speaking, what’s the opposite of that?

The yin yang symbol.

Fun fact, besides black vs white, green (SY) is the complementary color of red (LBG) on the color wheel. Now taking everything I’ve said, to take it even one step further, my thought process at the time was, “why not go the extra mile then and just have SY be albino? Within context of the Heavenly Realm, that character design makes sense.” TUT is me subtly riffing off what I can (for the good ol’ meta humor), but making the content come across as a legitimate story experience. As Protagonist A and Protagonist B, LBG and SY have to look visually striking together. With all that said, let’s talk about....

(In reference to the original tumblr post)

Shen Yuan (Mortal)

I’ll keep some elements of his albinism from his celestial form (light sensitivity and pale skin mostly), but SY’s mortal form is essentially SY pre-transmigration but within context of the xianxia genre.

For his appearance, let’s just keep this Author’s Note^ and TUT’s summary in the back of our brains. This is the fanvid I was originally inspired by for SY’s mortal appearance:

(TUT Summary - Excerpt)

For what he wears, I’m currently feeling very heavily inspired by this PV:

His mortal appearance wouldn’t be considered as “strange” or “otherworldly” compared to the “ethereal fairy-like beauty” SY retains in the Heavenly Realm, but as a side-effect of the 【PROTAGONIST’S HALO】 and his +20 CHARISMA stat, he would still be considered attractive to people even when he takes on a mortal appearance. (Mainly, I like the idea of Bing gē taking large shots of vinegar seeing SY turning heads no matter which appearance SY takes on, and Luo Binghe glaring at these “insects” for even “daring to lay their unworthy eyes on his fated person.” The thought of it just makes me laugh.)

What I mean by how SY’s mortal form being very much based on how SY appeared pre-transmigration but in the xianxia genre context, I mean he’ll have his dark hair (but longer), a “scholarly air” (as a nod to his novelist background), dark eyes, and even his glasses technically (the divine monocle mentioned in ch3, which is also a subtle nod to Sha Po Lang and a riff on men wearing monocles in other Chinese works andit’salsoforeshadowingbutshhhh).

(TUT ch3 - Excerpt)

Shen Yuan originally was an author in his forties pre-transmigration, so I like the idea him having a mature air about him in the Cultivation World as well. So for both our Protagonist B’s celestial and mortal appearances, the idea is that you can look at him and immediately recognize him as a protagonist of the danmei setting. My only two prerequisites are that his appearance screams “hello, I’m Protagonist B” and that he appears in “scholarly” attire.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky (Mortal)

Keeping in mind the original tumblr post where I wrote my thoughts on who I’m transmigrating him as, currently I’m thinking it’s a combination of these two PVs for his mortal form:

As a nod to him being a successful novelist, I wanted him to also appear scholarly. A scholarly crown prince, if you will. For his attire, imagine all the C-drama clothing you’ve seen actors wear in period dramas, and you already have a good idea already of the direction I’m heading down.

As the prince of the cannon fodder emperor, I very much like the idea of Airplane perhaps having a baby face and brown hair (as a small nod to fanon!SQH from SVSSS) but with a great body (a huge source of inspiration are clothing worn by Prince Yu and Prince Jing of the three princes from the C-drama Nirvana in Fire). Since Airplane will also be able to select his Character Creation stats like Shen Yuan had, one thing I’m fairly certain is that he will max out his CONSTITUTION—because “game logic” and not wanting to die. (For those who don’t know, the CON stat in tabletop RPs essentially indicates a person’s overall health, wellbeing, and vigor checks...so him maxing it out is equivalent to him being as invulnerable as a cockroach. A high CON means overall healthiness, which means your character probably is full of energy and vitality, can heal rapidly, and will rarely get sick—if ever. Low CON usually means a higher susceptibility to sickness and disease, wounds that fester and linger, and a general fatigue would haunt you, etc.) Like how SY zeroed in on his CHA, Airplane would have prioritized +20 CON (+5 modifier), especially knowing the fate that’d await him as a prince and the vicious environment that is expected for palace intrigue plots (the harem is a big factor, with concubines and consorts and even the empress sabotaging each other—just to win the favor of one man). Against poison or whatnot which is a cliché in palace intrigue plots, rather than relying on luck, you typically stand a better chance of passing the CON check if you have a high modifier aiding your checks. He’s basically become impervious to illnesses, most poisons (probably being able to spring back quickly), and is considered the healthiest prince in all the mortal imperial line. <- This could be taken both seriously and humorously simultaneously.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky (Deity/ Celestial)

For Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī’s “actual divine body” that is currently asleep and won’t be awakened until Airplane completes his mortal trial to “regain his cultivation powers,” the face should obviously be similar but, as Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī, he would appear regal and dignified as a god of this world:

Imagine something along the lines of mortal Airplane as the man on the right, celestial Shen Yuan in the center, and deity/ celestial Airplane as the man on the left. I envision a respectable appearance that would knock the air out of Mobei jūn and make him recognize Airplane despite any visual dissimilarities, and in a way we have the Four Beauties of China: Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan, Mobei jūn, and Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī.

I will say I currently have an idea of making Airplane have “golden” eyes in both his celestial and mortal forms. (Spoiler alert: in my notes, I’d written down to give Airplane yellow eyes as an Easter egg to Yanxi Palace, I believe, where there was an episode where someone of the imperial harem schemed against the empress and almost had the newborn baby killed because that and the yellow skin was an inauspicious omen. We later find out through a timely intervention that the true reason was due to jaundice—because of the diet/ pregnancy cravings she ate for a period of time which resulted in her son’s symptoms. With Airplane’s high CON and another trope I’m bringing in which’ll have to do with the Medicine King’s Valley/ Valley of the Medicine King, his yellow eyes are the only side effect that lingered from that traumatic event which would have killed him had they gotten away with their scheme. A lot of palace dramas have to do with the vicious harem plots, so this would potentially be one such example.) The reason being that this is the identifying marker for MBJ to clue in that they’re the same man he will have loved. And I think that has romantic potential.

Misc.

Now addressing the other tags, yes, essentially speaking, Mobei jūn might just very well experience his very own Big Damn Reunion trope that Bing mèi had suffered from SVSSS. Poor MBJ. He’s in a tumultuous ride of his own with him considering Airplane as his own fated person, hahaha. But for the Moshang dynamic, I want him—a demon—to find himself taken with Airplane in his mortal guise—and subsequently his true celestial appearance once he finds out. I very much also want SY to jokingly snark to his fellow transmigrator-and-writing-colleague about him getting in a relationship with his own “creation” (MBJ). And Airplane would jokingly snark back about SY “ruining his ‘first son’ as well” (LBG). If you can read between the lines of that, then kudos. I’m glad to hear you’re looking forward to the palace intrigue.

I’m especially very happy to hear you’re looking forward to the descriptions! I personally love worldbuilding in the stories I consume I’m an interior designer and realtor irl, so I’m glad my love of house details and landscape, etc shows in TUT. For the pseudohistorical vibe, in the Mortal Realm, I will be referencing the Forbidden City of our Chinese history and a couple popular period C-dramas. Take the settings of period C-dramas like Ruyi’s Royal Love in the Palace, Yanxi Palace, and Nirvana in Fire as examples for what will be awaiting us when we finally meet Airplane in his mortal body. In the Heavenly Realm, the descriptions will be heavily referencing shows that contain aesthetics such as those of Ashes of Love, Love and Redemption, and Eternal Dream.

Take this with a grain of salt just in case I change my mind later on, but in the chapter when we meet Airplane for the first time, I probably won’t say which character he is in the first scene. I’ll give plenty of hints in the first scene so that you all can make your guesses before the big reveal, but I’m fairly confident you all or most of you will be able to pinpoint who he is among the cannon fodders. We’ll meet the emperor, who is discussing with his sons about the matter regarding the approaching calamity that is Luo Binghe. Then when we transition into the second scene, we’ll know exactly which “royal prince OC” it is that our beloved Airplane has transmigrated into, hahaha.

(*Keep in mind, for everything written above, some details are subject to change. Nothing is official until it appears in the story, or I’ve actually drawn my ideas out and posted online to both my tumblr and twitter. These are just my current thoughts.)

A goal of mine for TUT is to make the story widely accessible, meaning it doesn’t matter if the reader is new to the SVSSS fandom or aren’t familiar with the Easter egg references or meta jokes or subtext or even the Chinese culture, or even if English is not their first language. Having knowledge beforehand might help someone notice more hidden details in TUT, yes, but it is a humble wish of this writer for her esteemed readers to be able to dive into the story and get the enjoyable feeling like they’re reading a genuine danmei novel. It really makes me smile whenever I hear feedback that I am able to emulate that experience.

Very exciting developments indeed are in store!

[parrishh]

about to write the world's longest post (a review? maybe?) because i don't know anyone else who has read mister impossible yet and if i do not write my thoughts down SOMEWHERE i will either combust or eat my own foot, probably (spoilers, obviously)

genuinely brokenhearted (and cried a lot) over ronan in this book. part of what i loved so much about cdth was the sense that ronan had at least made some progress in regards to his mental health, self-love, etc. and now we're seeing him in such a dark place again that it hurts to read. it was sad enough believing, for almost the entire book, that he was blindly idolizing bryde for this reason (declan's "ronan is a follower" speech in the cafe with carmen actually killed me), and i thought maggie was just going for the whole "unhappy people are more susceptible to cults" thing. but to find out that he MADE bryde? that he felt so alone and so hopeless that he dreamt THAT? this read like some sort of super-villain origin story. i know ronan believes he's doing the right thing, saving dreamers and dreams and all that, but at the core of it all he's really doing it because bryde told him to, and bryde only exists because ronan subconsciously hates his life so much he'll do whatever it takes to make himself a new one. that just makes me incredibly sad

uhhhhhhhh bad day for pynch stans. we didn't technically get the dreaded break up, but it feels like we did anyway. even the sweet moments (e.g. ronan's memory of adam's gloves) are immediately followed up by something sad (e.g. the memory not being enough to keep ronan from sticking with bryde) (also, fletcher tells the moderators that they're broken up, so does that mean adam told all his college friends he's single?) there are several moments in which ronan makes it very clear that he will (and does) prioritize what he's doing with bryde over his relationship with adam (hanging up on him at the end? what the fuck) and like, i'm definitely not saying his boyfriend should be the #1 most important thing in his life because that's not healthy, either, but the dude is clearly very unhappy & insecure in the relationship. i still think (hope?) that they'll get a happy ending because ronan definitely cares about adam deeply (not wanting bryde to say the word tamquam, keeping adam out of his dreamspace so he doesn't lose harvard, etc.) but things are looking pretty grim right now :/

adam loves ronan so much it makes me crazy. he could easily say "fuck this" after ronan doesn't speak to him for weeks, especially knowing that ronan's capable of reaching out because he still talks to declan and especially after being blocked from ronan's dreamspace, too. i would be pissed if i heard from my bf for the first time in weeks and found out he only called because he needed a place where he & the guy he ditched me for could crash. but adam still spends the free time i'm sure he doesn't actually have keeping tabs on ronan and reaching out to declan and pretty much doing everything in his power to help. and oh my god even after ronan hangs up on him we still see him scrying to try to get to him and i need to move on now before i scream (but first, declan lynch = #1 pynch stan??? the number of times he mentions adam when thinking about the things he wants ronan to keep safe, help me)

speaking of adam, i had to put the book down and take a lap after his first appearance. i cannot believe this boy is charging harvard kids for fake tarot readings and making hella cash off of it. KING. genuinely some fantastic adam content in this. i love that he talks to the gray man. i love that we are reminded that he's literally brilliant. but also, he makes me sad, too. when declan mentions how ronan is the ONE person who adam opens up to and how all of his harvard groupies are just "ducklings"........honey, i love you, please, please, please make some real friends

hennessy's pov also breaks my heart. it's maybe even worse to read than ronan's because she's fully aware of how unhappy she is and the bluntness of it slaps you across the face. the memory of her mom's painting was genuinely chilling (the lace pattern on the floor - was that how the Lace started? am i understanding that correctly?) and the fact that it was so dreadful she accidentally made a sweetmetal....poor hennessy :( also, the things she said to jordan, right after she made half a dozen real ass people crash their cars and didn't even bat an eye about it....yikes. i'm glad she teamed up with carmen and liliana, though. i love my team of wlw girlies (also really interesting that carmen/liliana believe the Lace is something out of hennessy's control while ronan/bryde believe it's something she can get rid of if she just tries hard enough. what the fuck is the Lace, it's driving me nuts)

CARLIANA KISS CARLIANA KISS CARLIANA KISS

jordan's pov!!!!!!! delicious, finally some good fucking food!!!!!!! i'm happy that she's starting to see herself as her own person, independent of hennessy, and the whole forgery/original work metaphor was really cool (her first original work being a portrait of declan 🥺🥺🥺) i loooooove her relationship with matthew and how she speaks to him and that they're able to connect with each other because they're both dreams. i love that she's able to make him feel more human

JORDECLAN KISS JORDECLAN KISS JORDECLAN KISS (but i'm even more hung up on declan just casually talking about MARRIAGE, oh my GOD)

declan my beloved....my sweet......absolutely obsessed with him saying "screw politics, i'm leaning into my crime side" and OBSESSED with him being happy for once. i know the other shoe did drop and now things are all messed up again but it was so nice to see him so content, at least for a little while. he needed a break (also was laughing my ass off at all of ronan's dream creatures just climbing onto his bed in the morning and his screaming and how matthew was so used to it he BRUSHED HIS TEETH before going to help. iconic)

matthew's pov was also really upsetting but 🥺him deciding he's tired of just being treated like a pet and that he deserves to have a future so he goes to sign himself up to finish high school 🥺

quick note but the whole sweetmetal thing is really interesting as a concept. loooooved the way maggie incorporated the gardner museum heist into the story

THE ENDING???? WHY THE FUCK IS JORDAN AWAKE. WHY THE FUCK IS RONAN STILL ASLEEP. WAS ADAM STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF SCRYING WHEN THE LEY LINE DISAPPEARED, AND, IF SO, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR HIM. WHY ARE LITERALLY ALL THE MODERATORS DREAMS. WHAT IS HAPPENING

[greater-than-the-sword]

Hi, I’m not anon and I don’t share the same opinion as them regarding COVID-19. However, I do my best to understand their point of view. Most of them are just concerned about their health. Also, a lot of them don’t want to risk the health of their family members. Regardless, people have obligations and basic needs to meet. I do think that people should be considerate to others but it shouldn’t be legally enforced. Regardless of your choice, consider others. You have body autonomy but so do others.

Despite agreeing with the other side, I’m also annoyed with them like anon. It’s their arrogance and hypocrisy that makes me not take them seriously. It’s shit like “you’re personally responsible for mandates if you wore a mask” that makes them children. Despite making fun of them, they’re the same side of the coin as those who go “you want to kill grandma if you don’t get vaccinated/wear a mask”. It’s you’re with us or against us. No nuance or trying to understand others. Only we get body autonomy and ability to prioritize our security. Anyone who does this is the enemy. Our experiences are valid but not yours. And no, I don’t give a shit if you lost family to COVID. Because they’re right, they can insult others, cause division, act like mean girls, and blame us for their misfortune but they wouldn’t tolerate it if it was directed at them.

I don’t know how anyone can act like that while believing in earnest that they have the moral high ground. They think that they have the right to look down on others because they’re “right”. They also insist that their actions are right because Jesus. They’re concerned about being right than doing good. They don’t realize that they’re terrible ambassadors for vaccine hesitant/skeptics and Christians. I wouldn’t want people who can’t comprehend that life is complicated, blames strangers for their problems, and act like they’re doing the public a favor by being rude as my representatives.

I believe in freedom for everyone. Also responsibility. I have worn a mask. Not because I wanted to, but because I was forced to or put in a situation that put me at a high risk of confrontation. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't know. We all have to draw the line somewhere when it comes to being pushed around.

Being rude to others and dismissive of their points of view and personal health concerns is wrong no matter what side you're on. I agree. I'm not saying that everyone who wears a mask/gets vaksinated WANTS to have it mandated for others. However, I have to call upon those same people to be vocal in other ways. At a certain point you are to some fractional degree responsible when your silence makes horrific things possible. The public's compliance is what enables our politicians, and the public is composed of individuals.

This is not an advertisement because I literally don't care whether you buy my product or make your own but consider a statement such as:

The point here is that we need to take the social burden off of people in public if we want to successfully resist the mandates. Many of the people saying these rude things will listen to you if you speak to them (which I am glad you are doing now) and most everyone on this side, even the yelling flag-wavers I stand with on street corners, would happily meet you in the middle, and acknowledge your right to personal choices, if you take a step toward opposing mandates. We love having centrists come to the protests. We would love to have democrats at the protests. This is bigger than a partisan issue. We need broad support for freedom now.

[palukoo]

abbey, jed, and leo!

thank you!! god, where to start with these three??? if i wasn't into ot3s before watching tww, they would've made me be into ot3s. i can say that with confidence bc when i first watched (some of) tww years ago, i was like "yeah!!" about them without really thinking about it.

god. so like. okay let me break it down into its components before putting it back together... i've talked about jed/leo before. not enough, but like. they are so in love, and even if they aren't, they love each other SO deeply and that's so special to me. like, honestly, i don't care what "type" of love you call it or how you characterize it, it's just good old fashioned homoerotism, except there should be no "just" in that sentence because it's so.... much.

i've probably touched on jed/abbey before in tags, because... i also love them! they are so ridiculous and over the top and cute and... one of the things i really like about them is actually how much of their fights we see, and how much they still love and trust and enjoy each other. like, they'll bicker about crosswords and yell about politics and yell about jed's health (which! breaks me) and get so angry with each other and flirt with each other and hold hands and it just feels really. authentic, i don't know. and genuinely, the "i met abbey" line will never not hit with me, and anything where abbey is worried about jed's health also will never not hit!

so. abbey and leo. oh, abbey and leo. they also really care about each other. this is the... side to the triangle that i can't really see as romantic, but they do love each other. i mean, the example i always think of with that is in no exit when abbey is, in a sort of antagonizing way, granted, practically begging leo to pay more attention to his health (and god, THIS kills me. she tells him to get his heart checked episodes before he has a heart attack).

the thing that this episode highlights is also that... the thing about leo and abbey is that it's hard to isolate them, because they wouldn't really know each other if it wasn't for jed, and they certainly wouldn't love each other as much, or kind of hate each other as much if it wasn't for jed. they love each other in part because of how much they know the other one cares about jed, that's their like. initial common ground and that's what will bond them. they get that. (another thing i always think about is abbey saying "he'd kill himself for you" about leo returning to work after his heart attack) but their distinct relationships to him, to who they are to him and have to be to him run in opposition a lot. leo has to make him the best president he can, within reason (i... could actually make an argument that cj is better at this? i won't right now, but... things are in my head now) and abbey wants him to be there for his family, to be happy and healthy and with them, while leo needs him to prioritize the country. you see this a lot (both their different priorities, and how it breeds contempt for each other) when zoey's kidnapped/in the aftermath, because abbey is so angry at jed and his loyalties to the country over his family, which she naturally takes out on leo ("don't think you took the bullet. i blame jed" is maybe the most efficient way for her to emotionally destroy leo after yelling about how they opened her family up to danger. it's... it's also really important to me here that she is angry with leo but she still blames jed. she knows it's not all leo). leo... takes it then, and does other times with abbey, too, because... he's not just jed's chief of staff, he's his friend, and his loyalties are to jed the person at least as much as president bartlet, so he respects, values, and empathizes with abbey's position a lot more than she does with his, considering how... reluctant she is about him running in the first place. (i don't think abbey hates all of it, and i think she has a very complicated relationship to his presidency and to herself as the first lady that i'm really glad we occasionally get to see, but. you know).

and god, abbey and jed at leo's funeral, or with the bartlet for america napkin? they both love him. it really actually breaks my heart that... iirc no one really expresses condolences to abbey in this arc?

anyways, i think they're three people who all love and care for each other deeply, and have complicated loyalties to different facets of each other, and it makes them really messy and really compelling. i think it's... neat to examine with how else the show plays on the chief of staff/president/first lady relationship, because there's a lot of echoes of them in josh, matt, and helen, and to an extent in the shift to cj, jed, and abbey (which is really interesting because we already have some concept of who abbey and cj are to each other and it gets... wrecked.) the point being. i love them, they love each other!

[taekooktimeline]

I wanna share this thoughts, so last year bts finally appeared at Tokopedia show right? Mostly just interview. But the host didn't share any after pics and off stage story with them on his YT channel, he did that with other artists. And when asked why, he said he had signed agreement to not reveal anything except the official release. So BH is very careful abt everything, even in a harmless and controlled environment like this interview which obviously had scripts and guidelines 1/2

Kayla: Hi Thanks for bringing up tokopedia. So I will say two things in general 1. I am not entirely sure about all other companies but I imagine most companies are careful or have some form of NDA (may not for everything but some shows) when they go on variety shows or such because it’s better safe than sorry and if someone films something without the permission of BTS or BH then it would require legal action 2. BTS has actually also stopped attending variety shows and such for awhile now because they were not comfortable with how hosts and certain pockets of the public treated BTS (especially in their earlier years, there are a couple videos on YouTube that highlights this mistreatment, it’s really sad though so watch at your own risk). That’s why they created RUN and do things like the NYE shows, or how BTS stopped attending an award show all together because of their treatment.

However, on the topic of documentaries and just BTS content in general I think that this is something important to bring up. As fans, we only get to smidge of their lives. We personally get to see a lot more than a lot of other groups. It’s actually really interesting from an academic perspective, South Korea is considered one of the most technologically connected OECD countries, yet KPOP idols had never fully utilized social media and such to their advantage. And I don’t mean posting some MVs but BH created Bangtan TV, filmed Bangtan Bombs, a twitter account to interact with their fans, and then they had weverse as well. They really [almost established] this new form of interaction between the fans and the idols, because social media makes everyone psychologically feel like they’re more connected because we are—we see them backstage, see them at shoots, they talk to us through the camera, etc.

They are a lot more connected to their fans, however, it’s still important to recognize that we still only see a portion of life on the screen. They have down time, private time, family time, and couple time like any other people. That’s normal. They’re human. So we should think that just because they do something or don’t do something that we’ve seen the full story—there is a lot that goes behind the scenes. There are plenty of moments that we might have seen or not have seen. I think this is something that’s important to recognize. We don’t know everything. Even us, who have made this TL, there are parts where we don’t know everything and we have to say that this is an educated guess/speculation based on their previous actions or what they have said/or didn’t say. But we can’t know for sure.

I will agree though. BTS are super private about their private life. As they should be, the celebrity life can be incredibly invasive, let alone KPOP idol life.

————

Sara: I’m glad BH is taking those actions to give BTS some sense of privacy and comfort. I guess they are at a stage in their career where they can decline all that extra promo & over-coverage. I wonder if they’d do the same even without taekook in the picture. But yes, it goes to show that they are very careful with what they let the public know about. Everything you see is carefully controlled and fits the plan, their crafted image.

// Sara’s *New* general disclaimer: a lot of my mental energy & free time goes into reviewing, researching, analyzing and theorizing to reach solid conclusions for the actual timeline - which is always susceptible to modifications. I’ll do the bare minimum when it comes to asks and interacting with readers because it’s too much for me, so I’ll let Kayla set the pace of this section & I’ll add quick thoughts. If we didn’t have a timeline to work on I’d love to spend time properly discussing with you all but I’d rather hear you out, select topics of interest and tackle them through periodic videos, posts or timeline additions, making sure to feel confident about my take on things because I’m normally an extreme overthinker and I don’t feel comfortable talking without enough caution. Asks don’t really allow me time to mull so I’ll keep them short - unless I’m inspired to rant. I personally get overwhelmed with interactions and easily shut down. We are all different. Sorry if that disappoints some of you. Hope you remember that - behind the scenes - I’m very much dedicated to the timeline and it occupies a lot of my time + I’m trying to focus on protecting it’s integrity instead of stressing and preoccupying my mind trying to cover more than what I’m personally able to based on MY circumstances and way of functioning. So yes, I’ll prioritize the actual timeline and my mental health but I’ll make an act of presence. //