#but i still need some framework to push off!!!!

[rinzdets]

me writing ocs is some kind of weird form of self-therapy.

like, i got three characters and they are literally the result of me analyzing my own emotions, feelings and reactions to what is happening around.

if i had a therapist, they'd probably be proud of me.

[cinnamonest]

how do you think goro would feel about a childhood friend!darling?

Goro Akechi has a lot of hate in that heart of his, but other than the man he hates more than anything, there are two other things he hates the most: lack of control, and vulnerability.

He needs control over situations, over people, and when he can manage it, over the course of fate itself. The Metaverse and years of hard effort into a public persona he wears so flawlessly have granted him the sort of control he desires, for the most part.

He hates to be vulnerable, hates his own weaknesses, hates them being perceived by others.

You present both.

It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him. Really, up until the point you saw his name on screen one day, you admittedly remembered him as ‘that sad boy at school I was nice to when we were little,’ and your memories of him had all but faded into the background of your life, never thinking of him much after that until he pops back into your life.

At first, you think it can’t be the same person, surely. At least until the familiar — albeit aged a bit older than in your memories — face comes on the screen. It feels quite surreal. A drastic shift from the little boy you remember angrily sulking on the playground all by himself away from the other kids, whom you admittedly talked to mostly out of pity. Still, you felt like you bonded in the end, before he got whisked away when the relatives fostering him decided to dump him off onto someone else, thus forcing him to transfer schools.

You’re happy for him. He looks very happy now, you think, his situation must have improved. He’s even living in the city now apparently, just like you.

The positive coincidences stack atop each other when you actually get to see him.

Completely by chance, not seeking him out or anything, you just so happen to be walking home on an uncrowded street, and he just so happened to be coming back from a hit, now as normalized and mundane to him as any other work-related task — and you just so happen to meet right as you each turn a corner, perfectly scenic, as if ordained by fate.

And while Goro Akechi has spent a very long time by now perfecting the art of composure, what he sees takes him so far aback that even he lets the mask momentarily slip — completely freezing up, slack-jawed and stiff with shock and disbelief. There’s a moment where only silence passes, he looks at you like he’s seeing a ghost, an expression almost like horror managing to escape his automatic efforts to keep a straight face.

You don’t notice that part. You’re too caught up in the surprise and elation, gasping and smiling and rambling on about what a coincidence it is, and—

Do you remember me…?

The shock only lasts a split second. The composure is back, the mask pushed back into place, and with practiced mastery of charm, he bounces back near instantly.

Even in spite of the sudden onslaught of emotions and memories that feels like his very soul is being stabbed at, he manages to keep up the usual Prince-Charming act of his. Says the lines expected of him, so standard you could probably guess them before they come out of his mouth — wow, long time no see, what a coincidence, it’s good to see you, how have you been, all the generic phrases and lines one should say, just like the ones you provide in return. A back-and-forth dialogue predetermined by conventions and standards of normalcy and expectation as composed by a given social framework in which all humans live. You do mention that you’ve seen him on TV — for some reason, it makes his stomach feel like its twisting, but he gives you a humble-sounding reply all the same.

All as his heart pounds so heavily it feels like it’s going to burst though is chest. Adrenaline surges thought his veins and every nerve on his body feels like it’s frozen over, an ice-cold chill that runs through his blood, a ringing in his ears, even a lightheadedness that begins to take hold, his entire body reacting in shock and panic.

You fetch a piece of paper from your bag, scribble something down, hand it over to him — his own hand moves reflexively, as if out of his control, to take it. A series of numbers — oh. Your contact. You’re smiling now, saying something about how you would love to catch up sometime. Your voice sounds far away, his head feels like it’s spinning, but he still manages his signature soft smile and voice as he gives you yet another generic reply.

Sure, that would be wonderful.

A few more lines back-and-forth that he doesn’t even remember by the end of the day, his brain essentially giving replies on an auto-pilot means of conversation. He manages to make some excuse about work, churns out a farewell, briskly walks off with a noticeably deliberate fast pace.

You feel a little embarrassed, as you walk home. He seemed in a hurry to end the conversation. Perhaps it was presumptuous to give him a contact. He probably couldn’t care less. He’s a big, important person now, someone like that has no time for someone like yourself.

…

Your suspicions are more or less validated. He doesn’t contact you.

In fact, from the moment he gets home that day, he tries to forget the interaction entirely.

There’s multiple reasons why. For one, you present a potential obstacle, a burden, a risk. He can’t afford to have you complicating things, getting in his way. It takes some time for his heart to stop racing, and that alone irritates him — why do you get to have such a reaction from him, beyond his control?

Moreover, the emotions that hit him when he saw you were too much. Dangerously intense, something he can’t allow to weigh on him, doesn’t have the time to focus on.

To be frank, those emotions were largely negative anyway. The mere sight of your face stirs up all sorts of memories from that era of his life, most of which were deeply unpleasant. There’s a deep-rooted bitterness that rises up in his stomach, old emotions he’s worked so long to suppress, and you came and dug them up in just a few brief minutes. In truth, he thought about you very often back then — he never really got to say goodbye to you (even if, he often bitterly thought, you never cared that much about him anyway), and he had to force himself to forget you over time, and yet you’ve come and undone his efforts.

And finally — the thought of you makes him feel a new emotion, one he does not like. Something like anxiousness, fear, and in turn, anger at himself and you alike for inducing such a feeling. You stand as a sort of weakness, a single unstable factor in a world where he feels like he has some degree of a grasp of control on nearly everything — you feel uncertain, unsteady, out of his reach… no, it’s not just that. You feel unsafe. You have knowledge and memories of him that no one else does, you have seen him at his weakest, and that makes him feel far more vulnerable then he can stand.

And yet, he saves your number to his phone all the same. Lets it sit there.

Most of the time, it’s easy to ignore. He is a busy person, he can keep himself distracted. Sometimes, though, in the odd hours of the night when his emotions are at their peak, he types a message, two, a dozen, he loses count — only to shake his head and come to his senses, huffing in frustration and holding the backspace down until it’s all deleted, cursing himself internally for even coming close to doing something so foolish.

You keep coming up in his thoughts, an emotion he can’t pretend is anything but yearning feels like a knot in his chest, yet the very thought of you makes him feel sick to his stomach. The conflict between the emotions is unbearable, makes him lose sleep, makes him lose focus.

You who knew him when he was this quiet, sullen, embittered child — you were nice to him, one of the only people who showed him genuine kindness back then — you who certainly knows that the charming act in front of the cameras is merely that, an act, a mask, a lie. It feels as if playing a game with one’s own cards facing outwards towards the opponent, completely exposed, laid bare. The act can’t work on you when you know what he’s really like, know his pains and vulnerabilities, have the potential to strike at the weakest parts of him.

Nor do you fall under his realm of control. The means he has for control relies on his ability to enforce it — means to kill and ruin lives. What he wants from you, though — at least, what he wanted from you back then, he won’t let himself even consider the matter now — falls entirely out of the realm of how he likes to control people, the usual purpose for which he desires the manipulation of others — power, advancement in his goals, to snake his way inside to strike.

It's all confusing. Irritating. It's outside the realm of what he has an easy way to manipulate, and that means he's at a disadvantage, that you have an upper hand, and he can't stand for that.

Still, he wonders about you. Every time a camera faces his way, he wonders if you’ll see the filming. When he makes posts to the little page he runs that the fans eat up, he wonders if you visit it too, if you’re one of those thousands of faceless followers. He wonders how often you think about him. He wonders about the day the two of you ran into each other for the first time in so long — did you go home, and look him up online? How long did you spend doing so? What did you read? Did your view of him change, positively, negatively?

And of course, he thinks about you and your life. What have you been up to, since then? Where has your path in life taken you? You probably have friends. You probably have a partner too. You’re someone who always seemed to be loved by others — he still recalls perfectly the burning bitterness in his stomach when he saw your happiness, your family, your friends, the things you had that he did not. How he resented you for it — he still does, even if he tries to tell himself such emotions are childish. Sometimes he almost thinks he hates you, even if in the end he always finds that he can’t.

And worst of all, he finds that the mere thought of you changes how he behaves.

When he’s at a lower-end news outlet interview, he doesn’t put quite as much energy in… until it occurs to him that there’s always a chance you’ll see it, and he finds himself sitting up straighter, putting in more effort into being charming and witty for the camera.

He almost says something in another interview, but it occurs to him that he doesn’t know how you feel on the matter, and he finds himself taking what was originally a strongly-worded response in his head and neutralizing it as much as possible, to avoid upsetting you should you see it and disagree with him. He doesn't even realize it until the words are out of his mouth.

You do that to him. He who has come to think of himself as so far above others, and yet you — some child from long ago who just so happened to find him again and speak to him for no more than a few minutes — influence his actions, you consume his thoughts. You control him, and you don’t even know it, nor did you have any intention to. And even though he recognizes it, even though he tries to put it to rest and forget you entirely, he can’t bring himself to do it, can’t tap the screen to delete the contact.

It’s infuriating. He can’t stand it. The fact that you do what you do to him so effortlessly leaves him seething and stewing in a rage you probably don’t even realize he’s capable of. And that much he’s acutely aware of as well. You know more of the “real” him than anyone else, you saw him in a phase when he was always pouty and melancholic — yet even then, you don’t know the half of it, don’t realize just how much malice and fury rests beneath the calm outward surface, nor how deep it runs.

He’s not a delusional sort, he’s very self-aware, and he knows how ridiculous the thoughts he’s having are — yet he has them anyway. It’s what, three in the morning, and here he is sitting on the edge of is bed, hunched over in the dark with his face in his hands, stewing in bitterness because he just can’t stop thinking about you. Yes, he knows the thought is absurd, yet he allows it anyway — allows himself to blame you, to resent you for it as if it were an intentional act on your end, to think of you as audacious, having committed some grand transgression against him.

He’s a celebrity, a genius, he has powers unfathomable to the average person — and here you are, you’re nobody, making him think about you. The more he gives in and allows himself to slip into that way of thinking, regardless of how nonsensical he knows it is, the angrier and angrier he gets, the greater the malice that swells in his chest—

—and the darker his thoughts become on what to do with you.

If he forces himself to think it through reasonably, of course, he realizes that you’ve done nothing wrong, that you’ve been nothing but kind to him, and maybe, just maybe, a part of him even feels guilty for any unwholesome, sinister thoughts run through his head — you don’t deserve anything bad to happen to you, and he’s being embarrassingly childish for such boorish, overly-simplistic thoughts like keeping you and taking you away and hurting you and making you pay. Particularly the last — you’ve done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve any harm, and in the rational part of his mind, he knows this.

But if he were to allow those petulant feelings to take over…

If he let the irrational resentment and yearning and attachment and bitterness take over, if he stopped being rational about it, if he just acted on impulses and feelings alone, then he would have something to make you pay for. To make you the object of all the negative emotions that plague him, make you an outlet for his crippling desperation and rage and affection and covet and pain and misery and yearning — yes, he could put all those emotions into you, unload that burden and force you to take it off his shoulders, force you to be something for him to have to himself and use for his own desires and ease of his pain like he always wanted back then.

Maybe he never stopped wanting that, even if he forced every thought of you to the back of his mind for so many years. It was easier to deny the yearning when he could tell himself he would never see you again. He doesn't have that to hold him back anymore — he stares at the screen of his phone that burns his eyes in the darkness, knowing contact with you is a few mere taps away.

But even back then, he wasn’t so stupid as to not realize you interacted with him because he was pitiful and pathetic and obviously troubled and you were the sort of sweet person that went out of your way to be nice to such other children. He was acutely aware of that fact, it irritated him then, it irritates him now. Yet he latched on like a leech anyway, a fact that makes his face feel hot with embarrassment when he recalls how his child self clung to you so strongly, so pathetically. He couldn’t help it. He was so weak, back then.

But here he is, spending hours of his time thinking about you — can he really say he’s less weak to you now?

It’s not as if it’s the first time he had dark thoughts regarding you. Of course, he envied your life back then, but far more than that, he envied you. To have you to himself, as if an object from which he derived happiness that should be just for him. How upset he was when you were kind to people who weren’t him, spent time with others. Even back then, as a child, you have no idea the sort of things he crafted in his head, elaborate fantasies where everyone important to you died off somehow so he could have you all to himself. Fantasies that soothed both his bitterness for you and his desire for you — let you feel pain like he had felt, make sure you couldn’t think yourself better than him, while still ending up something all for him alone to have and enjoy for himself, ensure your kindness was just for him.

Only back then, he had no power to act on such fantasies.

Now…

…

…

...And one night, his resistance finally breaks.

You know what? Maybe he does deserve that. After all the effort he’s put in, after all the things he’s endured, maybe he does deserve to have something all for himself, something he truly wants, something he can secure and know with certainty won’t ever leave his side — you can’t if you don’t have the option.

Maybe you’ll hate him for it. Maybe he’d deserve it if so. But if you do, well, he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

His fingers move without having to really think much about it. Generic, typical lines, just like when he spoke with you. Apologizing for the delay, but surely you understand he’s busy and all, so on and so on. He only pays attention to the very last line, as his fingers slow down in their typing with nerves and anticipation.

>Would you still be up for getting together sometime?

[kozachenko]

[Click for better quality]

Ok so as a sort of followup to that Yachie drawing, I did one of Yachie as well. I already had a pretty solid idea in mind (though tbh drawing her wasn't as fun as drawing Saki) but I'm overall pretty happy with this drawing.

Artist's Notes;

So I knew that I would never forgive myself if I completely missed the oppurtunity to give Yachie face scales, which is something that I haven't really seen many people do yet. I do feel like I could've pushed it a lot more, but I'm liking the direction my take on her is going.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to talk about some of my headcannons for how Hell's fashion works since I've had this on my mind for a while. So ever since I refined my own design for Zanmu, I really liked the idea of having there be some connection between her and Satori in their clothes because they're both the defacto "leaders" of their respective Hells, and then I had the idea of having Hell's fashion trends mimic real life history where it mimics whatever the upperclassman are wearing in someway? I've always been really fascinated with the idea of how Modern Hell works as a society and also how Old Hell was impacted by it's abandonment, and while I am aware that the animal realm isn't exactly Hell and is moreso it's own thing right next to it, I imagine that there would be some overlap in the fashion and culture due to their close proximity to each other. Of course, I still kept a lot of elements in from Yachie's original design, the only thing I really added to the outfit was the jazzed up sleeves and the bottom of her shirt as well as those cool triangle things ZUN added to her shirt in 19. I also have her some nice and sharp nails since I thought they fit her. I also tried adding some scales onto the tips of her ears though tbh IDK how well they read. Her colour palette also ended up becoming a lot more teal than I had anticipated, but I honestly like it as I love it whenever people make Yachie's colour palette and design a lot more teal. I also wanted to try and differentiate her face from Saki's, though I do plan on experimenting more on how to avoid same face syndrome, as it's a problem that haunts me in my dreams. There's not really much I can say here aside from "hee hee clothing rendering go brrrrrr" and how the Clip Studio Paint charcoal brush is really all you need for any given piece and it is literally the only brush I use aside from the occasional airbrush for lighting (sometimes) and the blend tools. I've been doing a lot more simple character art recently and I've just been waiting for a cool enough idea for a full blown piece.

Though now that I've talked about some of my headcannons about how Modern Hell works, I really just want a Touhou manga spinoff about Modern Hell. Like, please ZUN I'm begging you, just do it, it would be so fucking cool because Touhou 17 is literally the only time in modern Touhou when we've been to Hell proper, does modern Hell have any settlements of Oni and other Youkai? Does it have cities? Towns? Villages? What's the technological level of Hell? How do they keep sinners from pulling a Touhou 17 and summoning a fucking god to save them? Where do all the characters associated with Hell as of right now fit into everything? You can't just drop a character like Zanmu who is stated to essentially be the king of fucking Hell and then not elaborate further on how she fits into the general framework of Hell! Is she officially the king or is this more of a "true mastermind using the official king/ruler as a puppet" type deal? How does the Animal Realm fit into all of this? Did Hecatia purposefully create Hell so it would be right next to the Animal realm? Did it just appear there on it's own once Buddhism started popping off on Earth or was it established once Zanmu established Modern Hell? How long was Keiki a problem for, and how did that affect the rest of Hell? Seriously there are so many unanswered questions here and I don't know if I just need to read an interview Zun had where he was asked these same questions and if so please tell me because these questions have all been stirring in my brain for quite some time and I really wished we'd just get a new fucking manga instead of going over the same settings in Gensokyo over and over and over and over again dear god. Like, I get that there's still a lot to explore with what we already do have, but it would just be really nice to see the Animal Realm get a little more explanation as to how it fits into the overall grand scheme of Gensokyo's worldbuilding because that would just make such an already interesting idea for a setting in Gensokyo so much better.

I'm hoping to get the drawing for Keiki done before Touhou 17's 5 year anniversary, though I am willing to postpone that and take my time on it and I also have something coming up where I won't have access to my main drawing tablet for a while so it might be a while until I post again, maybe, who knows, consistent posting schedule? Who are they, I've never heard of them. I do fully intend on talking about my thoughts on Touhou 17 though, even if it's a day or two late, it's Touhou 17's birthday month so it still counts! Also because out of all the Touhou game anniversaries, this is the one I care about the most because Touhou 17 was the first Touhou game I played and 1CC'd(???) on normal, and even though it has plenty of flaws (i.e. the many missed opportunities for it's gameplay, how unbalanced the mechanics are and also screen visibility), I'm always going to have a bit of a soft spot for it and I think that the game's strengths make up for some of it's weaknesses in my opinion.

[actual-changeling]

i cannot resist a piece of good, painful angst, so have a little something inspired by this post by @quoththemaiden and the tags i left on it

-

Aziraphale returns to heaven in a haze of heartbreak and fear, his lips still tingling with Crowley's kiss, his fingers twitching with the urge to reach for him. The white sterility welcoming him only encourages his mind to drift further, allowing him to tune out the Metatron's words and focus on simply setting one foot in front of the other. If heaven has not changed in the last few thousand years, and he knows very well that it hasn't, there will be more than enough paperwork detailing anything and everything he is being told.

"Any questions, Aziraphale?"

They have stopped in the middle of a long, empty corridor, his eyes stinging with the bleach-dry air, and Aziraphale blinks, the smile on his face never wavering; it is a mask he knows he will not be able to drop for quite some time.

"Do I have an office?"

"You can make yourself one if you deem it necessary. I will leave you to it, then."

With a small flash of light, he is gone, and Aziraphale is alone. Right.

A few hours later, he has an office no miracle in the world could make cosy, enough paperwork to last him an eternity, and a persistent itch in his left hand. It is more irritating than bothersome, an anchor keeping him from floating away into the land of celestial regulations and legal frameworks, and he is trying (and failing) to keep himself from thinking about Crowley.

He needs him to deal with this, that much is clear without knowing anything at all about how exactly the second coming is going to transpire, but for the first time in six thousand years, Aziraphale finds himself wondering if Crowley will be waiting for him when he reaches out.

Absently, he scratches the back of his left hand, the itching seemingly working its way to the surface, and picks up the next folder.

'Re: The matter of opening a direct communication line between the Department of Miracle Accounting and the Department of Miracle Archiving.'

"You'd assume they'd done that ages ago," he murmurs, opening it with a sigh and squeezing his eyes shut when he sees the first document dates back to 3076 BC. A sudden wave of sympathy for Gabriel washes through him, which disappears rather quickly when he remembers he is probably having the time of his life on Alpha Centauri.

(Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo we can-- go off together.)

(Go off together?)

Aziraphale slams the folder shut and pushes it to the side, creating a new 'unimportant/for later' pile since the other one is already structurally unsound and he'd rather not have to reorganize it when it inevitably collapses under its own weight.

He scrubs a hand down his face (I could always rely on you) and forces himself to take a deep, steadying breath (You could always rely on me) before reaching for the next one, halting when a shimmer of gold draws his attention.

(And I would like to spend-)

On his left hand, in the exact spot where the itch is… was Aziraphale corrects himself, and in its place, curled around his ring finger and weaving its way towards his wrist, is a golden snake. No, not a snake, he slowly realizes, it's Crowley's snake in all its glory, uncurled and with wide open, unblinking eyes, staring up at him.

"Fuck," he breathes, his right hand rapidly furling and unfurling. After not spending more than an hour or two in heaven at a time for millennia, he had completely forgotten about his angelic markings, which had looked very different before Eden. The exact images are hazy, washed out by time and apparently a fundamental change in his essence, because the snake lazily sliding around his wrist and closing its eyes as if to nap is both new and strangely familiar.

(Listen. Do you hear that?)

Tremors run through his body, fine and yet strong enough to keep him from opening the file, from reading, thinking, planning, his mind filled with fire-red hair and golden eyes and the taste of love on his tongue.

(I don't hear anything.)

Aziraphale cradles his marked hand against his chest, pressing his knuckles to his lips and trying to recall the few seconds during which he had felt whole. Happy.

(That's the point. No nightingales.)

The snake hisses quietly, or maybe he is already starting to lose his sanity, and its glittering scales provide what little comfort he can access in heaven, missing the white noise of London, the dusty quiet of his bookshop, missing Crowley, Crowley, Crowley.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

this person has me blocked, which is something i used to genuinely lament because occasionally i'd see bits of their very thoughtful commentary floating across my dash, and i'd find myself sighing sadly over what other gems of wisdom i was missing out on by not having access to their blog. i'd even lament about it via dms to some of my pals who did still have access to this person's blog. what interesting discussions must have been happening beyond that "???" "this is no one" "uh, who??" opaque door that tumblr always presented to me whenever i clicked on this person's username? would i ever know?

a friend this morning: want to see a bad take to get mad at

me: obviously yes

anyway as it turns out, it looks like i'm missing out on exactly nothing, actually, so that's a huge relief

more seriously, recalling the insightful commentary that i have seen this person reblog in the past when it has come across my dash, i am frankly in awe of this one, because it is so profoundly disconnected from reality and how people experience stories. like i'm not even sure where to start with peeling back all of the wrongness layers at work here because i haven't taken my adhd meds yet this morning, but the primordial stupidity at this take's core (coming from someone who is clearly smart, ftr, i am targeting the stupidity of the concept, not the person) has made me genuinely angry. it's not even just about applying this framework to mdzs, though of course it is principally about that because this book DOES actually place class front and centre at multiple points in the narrative. it's the idea that we just shouldn't be having conversations about classism, or sexism, or [x]-ism, in the romance genre, because don't we realize the point is the romance, actually?? these other things clearly don't matter and aren't worth talking about??? and this mindset is so utterly foreign to me because at no point have i ever felt compelled to stop myself from thinking thoughts about a book because "oh, but this is genre fiction, i need to turn my brain off to read and enjoy this, i forgot." or "this thought is not appropriate because genre fiction, i'd better stop thinking it before i ruin the story."

like. i am deeply, deeply sorry for this person, actually, that they are not picking up on precisely what mxtx is putting down in the text, especially considering mxtx has explicitly explored themes of class in at least two of her novels (i'll get back to you on including svsss once i've read it). but also, a critique of class in the jianghu, or how mxtx has written her female characters, is entirely as valid use of fandom time and energy as writing one more definitely original and not remotely repetitive thinkpiece on the power of wangx!an's morally good love to overcome all obstacles (not saying OP wrote any of these, just that there ARE a bunch of them out there).

like. why do you want to simplify the experience of reading and thinking and talking about these books? why do you want to push for more boring analysis of stories? why are you using your platform to encourage this? i'm so mad about it actually. people listen to you, and this is what you're encouraging them to do: think less.

[waitmyturtles]

I thought last week's episode of Kidnap had a much stronger core to it than this week's -- but I don't *think* I'm going to technically complain about it, because I think it was intentional.

Last week's episode clarified (at least at that moment) that Kidnap was playing around with pulp and camp, which, for GMMTV's ever-present demands on romance-above-all-else, eases the cheese on some of this episode's more commercially lovey moments. I loved this piece by user le-trash-prince (via @lurkingteapot) that went into some origin frameworks on pulp and how Kidnap is playing around with pulp tropes. This show is literally putting a bondage kink side-by-side with Series Y/Thai BL tropes, which we got SO MUCH OF today (man, that Thai rainfall is really killer).

What I missed in this episode, and what we got out of last week's episode, was the spotlight into Min's "work life," but we know we're gonna get back to it next week, and I see that the series felt the need to push the developing romance forward so that the future boyfs can handle the revelation that Min is working for the drug ring that wants to take Q's dad down. We're now up to episode 5, and Q still hasn't unlayered his PTSD for Min yet, but I think the show is being intentional about GMMTV's demands for love-in-boys-love by saying, listen, you want the moments? Here are the moments, I am intentionally handing you the moments. The hands over the ears, the play fighting, the mole touching, the gazes. Now, next week? We'll get back to our job of moving this plot forward.

At least, I'm hoping for that, because I thought that the way Min's life is twisted in these circles of crime was paced well, and I don't want to see that pace move off track -- and I liked how the crime stuff was juxtaposed with BL tropes as well.

I'm remembering that this show is directed by the guy who did Midnight Museum, so I'm giving the show a lot of leeway in messiness. This episode wasn't messy, per se -- I truly, honestly, LOVE SEEING the classic BL tropes back in my face (geez, Ohm is arguably an originator of some of these tropes!!!) -- but I liked where we were going with Min's money travails, and I'm hoping that's as equally a driver of this show as MinQ themselves moving forward.

[hell-drabbles]

Leviathan and Ra-on 2

Summary: You’ve never been more glad to have your guest bedroom be reinforced to stand even the most intense of devil king tantrums. Ra-on needs rest after too much intense fucking and Leviathan is being a demanding bastard.

(Being stuffed full to the point of inflated swelling cannot feel good on Ra-on’s inexperienced guts.)

“Mm,” Ra-on, on the floor and in a plush pillow fort you built just to have a nice little nook to read and relax in, gingerly shifted his bruised and sore self around, “Even… breathing hurts. Ow.”

Of course his everything would hurt. After wading through a disgustingly thick river of cum that almost leaked into your bedroom–thank fuck for weather strips–and stumbling into your bed with a stomach fit for rupturing from an hours long fucking session, the fact he’s lucid at all the next day was a miracle.

What is it with devils, with Leviathan pushing Ra-on way past his limit? He’s not rubber, not one of Ra-on’s many pocket sleeves but they treat him like that anyway!

Bastards. All of them.

“At least that’s all the pain you have. If you had ruptured intestines or a prolapse, you’d be screwed.” You have little clue how to go about fixing those and you wouldn’t trust any hospital in Hell with Ra-on. Knowing how devils worked, they’d fix him right back up and then fuck him as ‘payment for their work.’ And then Ra-on would be right back where you both started, with swelled up guts and internal injuries.

Fuck this place. Fuck Hell.

“Oh. Oh!” At first, Ra-on was absent-minded, then clarity cleared his voice, “That can happen?”

You blinked, “Yes. Especially since I know you don’t own any inflation toys. Or do prep-work.”

He flushed and his face pinched up horribly. Really, like his toy collection was a secret to you. Who does he think cleans up Minhyeok’s closet? Of course you would know what he has.

“…right…” And Ra-on sank back into the pile, practically disappearing. Probably wanted to vanish actually. “I think… I’ll sleep again.” Guess that line of conversation’s done. That’s fine, you wanted to get back to reading.

“You do that. I’ll just be reading, ‘kay?”

There was only a mumble. You gave a hum back.

You can only hope that, by the time you finish this chapter or when Ra-on wakes up, the hallways will be clean and the smell will finally fade. You’d use an air freshener but you’d end up suffocating yourself with the combined smell, so all you can do is turn on the air conditioner and hope the circulation would get rid of it.

You think only an hour passed before there was a knock on your door. A knock. On your layers thick, reinforced door. The sound traveled through the very framework of this bedroom. Luckily, Ra-on was so deep asleep that the most he did was shift.

You walked to the door and turn on the intercom. You’re not surprised at the sight of Leviathan on the screen, head held at that irritating angle as though no one deserved to be at eye level with him.

The sea of cum was still flowing from the hallway behind him and the devil responsible was naked right before the camera’s sight. Ugh. You know exactly what he’s here for.

“You,” Leviathan seethed, like addressing you alone was enough to disgust him, “You have Solomon’s Son with you–”

You turned off the intercom and pressed another button. There was light clinking, the turning of gears and well built mechanisms, then it all stopped.

The only sound that remained was a very, very light clinking. Nice to know that that devil wasn’t joking about his skills and the quality of his materials. ‘Not even a devil king would be able to tear through this!’

You should take him out for drinks at some point.

“Hmm?” Ra-on raised his sleepy head up, eyes not even open, “Someone knockin’?”

“Nope,” you kicked back in your chair, “Just another one of those gross Hell mosquitoes.”

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Expanding more on this -

I can’t say for sure, but I do wonder how much of the idea that Alana was out of character in season 2 - specifically in her distrusting Will and defending Hannibal - stems from the idea of season 1 Alana as the voice of reason, the Only Sane Woman, etc. And so when she starts making errors in judgment that are very obviously wrong from the viewer’s perspective, it’s a massive swerve from her behaviour in season 1?

But I think that idea of her is oversimplified at best, because season 1 actually features Alana being wrong about some significant stuff. She recognizes that Abigail is hiding something, but is skeptical of the possibility of Abigail being involved in her father’s murders and outright refuses the possibility that she killed Nick Boyle - and the latter, of course, is wrapped up in Alana’s misplaced trust in Hannibal. But on top of that, she’s also wrong about Will. She recognizes that her desire to save him would be unwelcome, but fails to recognize the extent to which Will doesn’t need saving.

Because the season finale features Alana shouting at Jack and then melting down in her car as the culmination of a season’s worth of frustration, I think that contributes to the idea that she was the voice of truth who was being suppressed, and now we’re seeing the consequences. Except her perception of what’s happened at that point isn’t actually the correct one. She’s angry at Jack because she thinks he’s pushed Will too far and he’s gone off the deep end and started murdering people. Which is of course not what happened - Hannibal planted evidence to frame Will - but it also underestimates Will’s resilience. He not only doesn’t kill anyone, he’s able to claw his way back to sanity and gain clarity about who, exactly, was manipulating him.

Will trying to have Hannibal killed in season 2 is a demonstration of how drastically wrong Alana was about Will, but not for the reasons she assumes. She has her convictions about Will’s innocence shattered, and she was ignorant of the extent of his violent potential. But she’s mistaken in her assumptions about his maliciousness at that point. What Will lashing out against Hannibal actually demonstrates re: Alana is that she underestimated Will’s agency and capacity for self-preservation. She admits before this that she’s still motivated by saving him, but Will doesn’t need saving. He will stubbornly try to find a way to save himself (as he himself declares he will do).

And the reasons she’s wrong stem from her self-avowed personal flaws, particularly her saviour complex. But that’s are also wrapped up in her clash with the broader philosophy of the show. Alana is established as someone who’s inclined to see the best in people, as demonstrated in her response to Abigail and to Will’s arrest, and which Will accuses her of doing with Hannibal. Even when confronted with demonstrably and unrepentantly violent people, she’s inclined to find an understanding or explanation behind their behaviour - when Gideon is loose and a direct threat to her, her response is still to point out that that he can’t be held fully accountable for his actions because of what Chilton did to him.

(Which is interesting, because the concept of reduced capacity doesn’t come up much in the show - the only killer we see who truly doesn’t know what they’re doing and can’t be held accountable is Georgia Madchen, and she’s pretty atypical in a lot of ways. The other killers operate based on sensibility or aesthetic ideology, in one way or another.)

And this isn’t really a narrative setting in which Alana’s initial worldview is borne out. It’s a narrative setting and framework that constantly bends towards exploring and drawing out the darker side of humanity, the inherent capacity for violence that lies in all of us (as per Will Graham’s first episode narration, “we’ve all thought about killing someone”), and the beauty in embracing that. It’s not a narrative invested in redemption, or the kind of rehabilitation that Alana wants for Abigail. It’s telling that her conventional brand of psychiatry is juxtaposed with Hannibal’s murder-seduction therapy and investment in making people the worst versions of themselves. (Note that she scrupulously keeps her distance from Will because she fears that her urge to study him would clash with her personal relationship with him - something Hannibal certainly doesn’t care about.) The show may bandy about psychiatric terminology from time to time, but it’s not at all interested in diagnosis - it’s a show concerned with the aesthetic drives behind human violence, and with constructing amorality as a sign of sophistication of taste.

And I’d argue that Alana’s role in season 1 and parts of season 2 is to provide a narrative counterpoint to those themes - and thus a sense of pathos, because how can she not be wrong, in this setting? One thing that’s compelling about Alana’s character to me is the way she eludes a lot of the character archetypes that she could have been slotted into. She doesn’t have the bearing or personality of your traditional naive optimist - she’s too serious and mature and driven and professionally minded. And she has an emotional guardedness and neuroticism that goes against what you’d expect from a character’s who the designated emotional heart of a story. Nonetheless, Bryan Fuller called her the “heart of the show” in one of the episode commentaries, and I honestly agree - she has a well of compassion in those early seasons, and a genuine belief in rehabilitation, that’s at odds not only with the evil that Hannibal represents, but also with Jack’s ruthless benevolence or Will’s grim cynicism.

For those reasons, Alana’s arc is actually pretty tragic to me. It’s a corruption arc, like Will’s. But Will’s arc involves leaning into latent but repressed impulses, and being guided through cultivating an aesthetic framework through which to understand those impulses. Will’s experiences with Hannibal are profoundly destabilizing to him, in a lot of ways, but not exactly in the sense that he has his entire worldview and understanding of other people shattered. But Alana does. She develops into a darker version of herself through being confronted with a kind of evil that can’t be understood in the way she’s used to, and can’t be saved. This is exemplified in the scene in Digestivo when she confronts Hannibal and asks if she could ever have understood him, and he simply says “no.” And she knows the answer already at this point, but still can’t stop herself from asking. Just to know for sure.

(I see people sometimes claim that her characterization is too drastically different from what came before in season 3, but what we see of her there feels very consistent to me with the Alana we know - it’s just a version of Alana who’s undergone a significant trauma and had her trust in someone close to her broken - and broken in a way that destabilizes everything about how she’s used to thinking and relating to people. It’s no wonder to me that she’s much more emotionally closed off, more ruthless, and more cynically willing to exploit amoral characters like Mason Verger for her own gain - and even then, she’s not without reservations about that.)

Anyway, my point is that season 2 marks an important turning point in Alana’s development and the shift in the (relatively) idealistic worldview she begins with. The seeds of the disruption of that worldview are planted with her initial response to Will’s attempt on Hannibal’s life and its upending of her view of him, and then they fully take root in her steady realization of how much Hannibal has deceived her. What’s done with her character in that season feels to me like a natural progression of where she started in season 1 and a natural precursor to where she ends up in season 3.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

LEGACY ~ 9

LEGACY MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,742ish

Summary: You were taken by Ultron. Vision is born.

Notes: This one is more of a filler chapter. Hope you still enjoy it!

Natasha and Clint honestly thought that they would be verbally assaulted when they returned with the cradle and news that Ultron had kidnapped you. Instead, Tony’s response was even more frightening. He was completely silent. His face was like a blank slate, giving nothing away.

“Tony,” Natasha carefully took a step toward her friend, “we will find her. I promise.”

“You better find her,” Tony’s voice grew louder and angrier with each word, “or else.”

Clint and Natasha quickly went downstairs to find where Ultron had taken you.

“Tony,” Bruce walked over to the man. “Clint and Nat are probably the best to be looking for her. They will find her. We will handle the cradle.”

“If they don’t find her, I will kill them.”

~~~

You groaned as you began becoming conscious. Your head was pounding, mostly due to the hit you had taken. Looking around, you noticed that you were in an old cell in some old base. Ultron was standing outside of it. There were hundreds of Ultron bots being built around him.

“I wasn’t sure you’d wake up,” Ultron admitted. “I hoped you would, I wanted to show you something. I don’t have anyone else.”

“Maybe that’s a sign that you’re on the wrong path,” you grumbled as you pushed yourself to sit up.

Ultron scoffed. “Maybe it’s a sign that everyone else is… I think a lot about meteors, the purity of them. Boom! The end, start again. The world made clean for the new man to rebuild. I was meant to be new. I was meant to be beautiful. The world would’ve looked to the sky and seen hope, seen mercy.”

“They still can.” You stood up. “You can change direction before it’s too late.”

“AH! That’s what you think. Instead of hope and mercy, they’ll look up in horror because of you and your Avengers. You’ve wounded me. I give you full marks for that. But like the man said, ‘What doesn’t kill me–” Suddenly a larger Ultron came up from behind and destroyed the smaller one, “--just makes me stronger.” You backed up against the wall, though there were bars separating you from him. “The same could be said for you… Too bad I’ve decided that you’re not worth it anymore.”

Ultron turned around and walked off. You were slightly relieved that he had decided to leave you alone. Looking around the room, you tried to find something that you could use to somehow get a message to the Tower. There was old radio equipment in the cell. Maybe you could throw something together. You knew that the Team would be looking for you, Tony wouldn’t stop until you were found.

You began to pull apart the equipment and fix it into something new. You were thankful for the time you spent in the lab with Tony, though you felt your ability to do this quickly and accurately had to do with more than just lab time.

Using two wires and an old SHIELD frequency that you somehow knew about, you began sending a message in morse code. You wouldn’t stop until someone was on their way.

~~~

“This framework is not compatible,” Tony stated. 

After sending Nat and Clint off to search for you, he knew it needed to be prepared to fight. He convinced Bruce to place JARVIS, who he had found at Nexus, in the body in the cradle. Whatever Ultron was building, could also be the way to defeat him and bring you home.

“The genetic coding tower’s at ninety seven percent,” Bruce informed. “You have got to upload that schematic in the next three minutes.”

Suddenly, Steve and the Maximoff twins appeared in the lab.

“I’m gonna say this once,” Steve warned.

“How about ‘nonce’?” Tony retorted.

“Shut it down!”

“Nope, not gonna happen.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“And you do?” Bruce asked, clearly angry. “She’s not in your head?”

“I know you’re angry—“ Wanda said, stepping up.

“Oh, we’re way past that. I could choke the life out of you and never change a shade.”

“Banner,” Steve called, “after everything that’s happened—“

“That’s nothing compared to what’s coming!” Tony argued.

“You don't know what’s in there!” Wanda retorted.

“This isn’t a game,” Steve said.

“Oh, I know it’s not,” Tony’s anger was getting the best of him. “My daughter’s life is not a game.” Guilt was gnawing away at Steve.

“The creature–” Wanda was quickly cut off by Pietro speeding around to destroy the lab equipment.

A shot suddenly came up through the class floor. Clint had shot the bullet, shattering the floor, and causing Pietro to fall through it. Clint and Natasha stepped on his legs, holding him in place.

“Pietro!” Wanda yelled.

“What?” Clint said. “You didn’t see that coming?”

The computers in the lab and the cradle began beeping. 

“I’m rerouting the upload,” Tony said, hurrying to the computers.

Steve threw his shield at the equipment, stopping Tony. Tony threw an arm out, a gauntlet flew into the room and formed around his arm. It charged quickly and he sent a blast Steve’s way, knocking the Captain down. Bruce rushed behind Wanda, holding her in a choke hold.

“Go ahead,” he whispered to her, “piss me off.”

Clint and Natasha rushed up the stairs, guns in hands. Steve jumped up and headed for Tony. There was a sudden crash, causing everyone to look in the direction of it. Thor slid into the lab, jumped onto the cradle, lifted up his hammer, and began to summon lightning. 

“Wait!” Bruce yelled.

With the hammer fuming with lightning, Thor hit the cradle. He stopped as soon as the cradle began beeping. Everyone stood there, waiting for something to happen. The cradle exploded open a few moments later, sending Thor flying backwards and the red-skinned body appeared from the cradle. The body straightened up and flew at Thor. Thor tossed him out of the lab’s glass wall and into the living room. Thor and Steve jumped out behind him.

The body stopped at the main window, hovering. It stared at its own reflection as the others exited the lad and made their way to the main room. Thor set his hammer down and slowly made his way towards the body. It flew down next to Thor, changing its appearance to seem like it was wearing clothes.

“I am sorry,” the body spoke up, sounding like JARVIS. “This was… odd.” He looked at Thor. “Thank you.”

“Thor,” Steve’s authoritative voice rang through the room. “You helped create this?”

“I had a vision,” Thor explained. “A whirlpool that sucks in all hope of life, and at its center is that.” He pointed to the gem in the man's head.

“What?” Bruce questioned. “The gem?”

“It’s the Mind Stone. It’s one of the six Infinity Stones. The greatest power in the universe, unparalleled in its destructive capabilities.”

“Then why would you bring—“ Steve started.

“Because Stark is right.” 

“Ooh, it’s definitely the end times,” Bruce muttered.

“The Avengers cannot defeat Ultron.”

“Not alone,” the newly made mad added.

“Why does your vision sound like JARVIS?” Steve asked.

“We… we reconfigured JARVIS’ matrix to create something new,” Tony replied. He walked around the man, studying him carefully. 

“I think I’ve had my fill of new.”

“You think I’m a child of Ultron?” The man asked.

“You’re not?” Natasha asked.

“I’m not Ultron. I’m not JARVIS. I am… I am…”

“I looked in your head and saw annihilation,” the Maximoff girl said, stepping forward. 

“Look again.”

“Yeah,” Clint spoke up. “Her seal of approval means jack to me.”

“Their powers, the horrors in our heads, Ultron himself, they all came from the Mind Stone,” Thor informed, “and they’re nothing compared to what it can unleash. But with it on our side—“

“Is it? Are you? On our side?” Steve questioned.

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” the man stated.

“Well it better get real simple real soon,” Clint warned.

“I am on the side of life. Ultron isn’t, he will end it all.”

“What’s he waiting for?” asked Natasha.

“You.” 

“Where?” Bruce wondered.

“Sokovia,” Clint jumped in.

“He’s got Y/N there too,” Natasha said.

“You found her?” Tony’s attention was quickly drawn to the two assassins. 

“She’s smart. Sent a message through old SHIELD channels.”

“That’s my girl… Wait, old SHIELD channels?”

“It was one we knew that HYDRA had access to.”

“Oh.” Tony was starting to grow concerned about what things your memory was bringing forth.

Bruce brought the attention back onto the new guy, “If we’re wrong about you, if you’re the monster that Ultron made you to be…”

“What will you do?” The man asked. He looked around at the group. “I don’t want to kill Ultron. He’s unique, and he’s in pain. But that pain will roll over the earth. So he must be destroyed. Every form he’s built, every trace of his presence on the net, we have to act now. And not one of us can do it without the others. Maybe I am a monster. I don’t think I’d know if I were one. I’m not what you are, and not what you intended. So there may be no way to make you trust me.” Then he lifted up Thor’s hammer and offered it to him. “But we need to go.” 

The group stood in shock as Thor took the hammer from him. The man then walked off.

“Right…” Thor nervously said. He walked over and gave Tony a pat on the shoulder. “Well done.”

“Three minutes,” Steve commanded. “Get what you need.”

~~~

Steve, Bruce, and Tony fought themselves at the quinjet, waiting for the others.

“No way we all get through this,” Tony noted. “If even one tin soldier is left standing, we’ve lost. It’s gonna be blood on the floor.”

“I’ve got no plans tomorrow night,” Steve responded with a small smirk.

“I get first crack at the big guy. Iron Man’s the one he’s waiting for.”

“That’s true,” the new guy said, walking past, “he hates you the most.”

“I’ll get Y/N first then I’ll–”

“I’ll go,” Steve said. “I was supposed to watch her. I should bring her back.”

“I’m her father.”

“You are also the one that Ultron’s expecting. This could be a giant trap.”

“Fine. But I swear to God, Rogers, if you don’t bring her back home alive, I will have your head.”

“I’m surprised you don’t already.”

next chapter >

[lunarcloak]

Blue Lock Chapter 282: Visual Storytelling

A sequel to my Chapter 262 and Chapter 266 pieces: this time with less Kaiser, and more of Isagi!

This will be fun.

So through these chapters obviously Isagi has been trying to grasp the concept of Geniuses and Talented Learners. Learning that Kaiser is not a genius, but in fact a talented learner is not a shock to the reader, but it is a shock to Isagi, who has always seen Kaiser as his own playstyle perfected. It makes sense now that Isagi knows about himself as well, and hence we get this:

Despite everything, Kaiser is still one step ahead of him. A better talented learner than Isagi is. Just a smidge. The puzzle pieces breaking off of Isagi are just the symbolism of him putting himself together again as he learns more and more.

Every single photo of Kaiser used for this is meaningful. I'm not showing all of them because the first few are just dialogues, but these in particular matter a lot because these are some of the first instances we see Kaiser Impact. I implore you to think back: Back to when Kaiser was exceptionally logical, played the game like a chess field to rival Itoshi Sae's playmaking, and reach unprecedented levels of field awareness. It's all the same as Isagi, but kicked up a notch. It is for a reason. The panels here force you to think back allll the way to the FC Barcha match and remind you of exactly what it is, that makes up Michael Kaiser's Impact.

The grey talented learner piece is to emphasis how it goes hand in hand with the genius puzzle piece. The high contrast black of the World Style is to force you to realise exactly how Out There that idea was, and how disconnected it is from the actual broad framework of playstyles. The genius/talented learner analogy works better, as Isagi realises now, and so the world-style seems less plausible. So the black creates an illusion of disconnect with the rest of the page.

Pay attention to the placement of dialogues and the characters behind them. We do not know nearly as much about Loki and Noa for me to be able to comment on them freely, but we know plenty about Isagi's primary focus: Rin. Look at the placement of that dialogue. "Pursuing value and meaning in relation to oneself" is the core of Rin's motivations. He's always defined himself in terms of other people, and struggles to put it in relation to himself. This is visible in every play he does and every goal he scores [yes, including this one.]

It's safe to say that Loki and Noa have already found their meaning in relation to themselves, I think. Or they're on the path to it already, unlike Rin. Hence this particular panel.

Barou and Nagi are the geniuses in this context. Reo and Snuffy are the talented learners who "discovered" them. It's why it works so flawlessly, in this panel. I don't need to elaborate.

"As they admire each other, and compete with each other"... This panel comprises of the remainder of the Egoist 4. Implying their close connection and forcing the reader to backtrack even FURTHER, back to when you've seen the beginning of all three of these characters. It's where it all started.

And then Nomura still doesn't stop. He pushes you even further and further into the recesses of your memory of the story: Isagi's first few goals, and the brilliance of the U20 Victory. This is not just Isagi putting the puzzle pieces together, it's him realising himself all over again.

The inclusion of a total black background for Isagi disconnects him from the field, because that's exactly what he's trying to do now. He's trying to fit himself into the picture in a way that suits him rather than play off of other people.

This is slightly tangential, but this is actually a quality Rin and Isagi share. They always fixate on other things/people and that forces their playstyle to be tailored in a way that always plays in reaction rather than creation. Hence the term "rivalry" for Rin. Kaiser's "malice" is a result of their contrasting themes. If Rin is Isagi's parallel, then Kaiser is Isagi's contrast.

Noa... wELL. We know how that went down. Not that I'm surprised.

Again, the complete black background really emphasises that Isagi is fully in his headspace right now, not thinking about the field. It's why he can put all those puzzle pieces within himself together. But not the use of light in straight lines indicating speed and movement here. It's all very closely packed, originating from the center of the page [I've cropped the panel]. It's giving the implication of a light at the end of the tunnel. An almost enlightening realisation. Hence "What's left for me" is actually extremely pivotal for Isagi.

Literally pointed this out the week before the chapter showed up. This has been building up since the previous chapter. It's always been about winning, scoring, growing, winning, victory. All this while, Nomura has been showing us a compliation of panels and scenes from previous chapters-- we started simple, at the earlier stages of the PxG match, and then we backtracked to the Barcha match, then U20 and then alllll the way to the first selection.

And now we're here. Where it all started.

It's a good way to show Isagi is retracing his roots and finding himself all over again.

God, this is gay. Why are they like this. Goddamn it. Anyway. First of all, in sharp contrast to the previous black colouring, this time Isagi is the most assimilated with the rest of the field. He's rediscovered himself, what he wants and what he needs to do. Rin on the other hand is painted in greyer tones and more of the same as ever. This might be a bit of a stretch, but I think it's really beautifully coincidental that Isagi runs towards Rin unobstructed, because he hasn't let himself be tied down by reacting rather than acting for the first time. But Rin is still a Reacting player rather than an Active player, and so he's still fighting against players for possession of the ball. Until Isagi shows up, obviously, because they are obsessed with each other more than anyone else.

This is the coalescing moment of all of their rivalry. The shine in Isagi's eyes is back, and it reflects Rin, the "Genius" he knows best, and the "Genius" he knows to thwart. He's still coated in white, almost blending in with the page and yet standing out because of the size and presence of it on the page. Rin is still filled with horror imagery-- gorey and detailed and so utterly out of place with the rest of the page. Still so tied down by internal issues more than anything else. Isagi's eyes are full of clarity but Rin's eyes are entirely blank. The overseeing esque composition of Isagi in this makes it seem like he has truly become enlightened after he chased that light.

Their rivalry is one of the best storylines in this series.

Thank you for reading! Tell me if you want one for Rin's goal? I've been debating about it, but god, I have so many drafts, HAHAHAHA!

[goldenpinof]

curious about your perspective – what do you think is the primary reason for the current comeback, and for the large scale of it (daily videos, new heavily marketed merch, etc)? are they trying to make up some monetary loss? is it true revitalized passion? the influence of the new management? lead-up to a major project/announcement? i'm guessing there's an element of at least the first three, but interested in your opinion as a noted non-cynical cynic (compliment btw)

under the cut because that's a lot. and it's not even all of my thoughts, unfortunately.

no one is gonna read it. but if you are, i'm sorry in advance.

ahaha. about merch. did you notice how they just continue to promote the calendar and the catboy sweater even though the initial release and promo had a deadline aka till December 1st? this is a fishy marketing right there. and i would love to know: why they did what they did (i'd assume they printed more calendars than people ordered by Dec 1st, but that's not our problem as customers. we shouldn't have been put into a framework in the 1st place if there was a chance for this shit to go south. this theory goes against the "pre-order" with a start of shipping in 2-3 weeks); why their managers allowed it (from a legal perspective); and why dnp didn't say anything. anyways.

i do think that Dan is trying to compensate for wad losses. and i know that he was "joking" about not making money or making negative money on tour. but i saw ticket sales a day before each show (only public information, not the inside official data from venues), it's still on my blog. and the sales didn't look good. so, how much of it was a joke? and compensating by making content that we and they enjoy isn't a bad thing, btw! i also think that he feels guilty for leaving us and the dnp brand behind for so long without actually giving us anything in return. thus so many comments on this 5-year hiatus and potential future ones. blame youtube originals, i know. not really his fault, but his choice of (the lack of) communication is his fault. and again, i always come back to wad. something fucking clicked in his head when he saw not as many people as he hoped for (or expected), how dedicated were some of those who still supported him during wad, and also he realised that without stronger managers he was not gonna make it solo. and he dragged Phil along because they do everything together and only then it works the best, and also dnpg's return in full force needed new energy for the amount of sponsorships they decided to do (i think, it's mainly Phil's pushing, because he is pro-sponsorships, they just need to be more careful with it on dnpg because Dan (hopefully) has principles when it comes to this. which is amazing. you go, girl!)

i'm very suspicious of dnp's new management right now. so idk. i think, again, most of it comes from Phil, because Phil thrives on their gaming channel, and that's basically the only easy way to survive on youtube and make money right now (for him). i'm glad dnp separated dnpg from their solo careers at least on the management and content levels. it gives Phil the room to use dnpg as a brand to pitch and fund his ideas/projects if it's ever needed. and now, after we survived the hiatus, they can pause dnpg for a couple of months to focus on their solo projects without losing the majority of the audience because technically we would know the reason and also we grew a thicker skin.

i do think that Dan is using dnpg to later help himself with a stand-up special or tour or some sort of series (danisnotokay). i also think he will use it to promote wad dvd (which is good. i will be disappointed if he doesn't use dnpg. like, bitch, why are we even here then? those who went through wad with him, i mean). i wonder if Inter Talent (i'm separating their name intentionally at his point because they piss me off) was smart enough to announce Dan and Phil's signings 2 weeks after UTA announced Dan to just make us pay attention to Dan's solo career again. as a hint of something coming our way. you know what i mean? i wonder if it was intentional. like UTA made a huge announcement, Dan retweeted it and posted it on instagram stories. it was a big deal. meanwhile, dnpg began thriving again and our eyes were on Dan anyway, so of course we noticed that solo career was on the maps again. Inter Talent was basically silent as another representative of Dan (and Phil), despite having them on the website for at least a month. and now 2 weeks after UTA's announcement (which was on November 22, 2023) Inter Talent was like, "hello? do you remember we signed Dan? and also Phil, and their joint channel?" Dan said wad dvd is almost cooked. wouldn't it be genius to stir our interest up step by step? (a part of me still thinks that Inter Talent's social media managers are just slow as fuck though. also they don't even care to check facts about their clients. UTA didn't fuck the announcement up like that, btw. and i doubt Inter Talent realises how nosy dnp's audience is, and that we are very likely gonna notice and spread even this stupid announcement. maybe they are dumb and it's me who is a fucking genius planning steps to present wad dvd to the masses, ugh. when will Dan pay me, like for real.)

i'm surprised you don't think it's heavily connected to new projects. i would bet my kidney it does. Dan will fuck off the moment he needs to focus on danisnotokay or someone offers to sponsor another tour (which, please, someone do. i need to see him for professional reasons). the question is, fuck off for how long and if it's gonna be communicated thoroughly or not. i'm not saying he will leave for 6 months without giving us something in return to balance things out. no, no, no. i don't think he would dare. but 3-4 weeks, maybe 2 months? sure.

is it true revitalized passion? well. *nervous laughter* i'm gonna defend Phil like i'm a phillie, even tho i'm not. he wanted it just as much as we did. so i believe it's a true revitalized passion at least on his part. i hope he fights for it if it's necessary, i hope he asks us for help if needed. i hope he threatens Dan with an actual divorce and forever home if needed. like, bitch, if there's a chance to keep dnpg alive without Dan actually losing his will to live, we should use that chance. Dan's stubbornness and delulus are not the reason to kill the most fun and profitable thing they ever created aka dnp brand. let it exist, even if alongside solo projects, even if it's 2-3 videos a month. damn, even 1 video (i don't mean during pauses made specifically for the peaks of solo projects). i do think Dan enjoys the attention, money, and possibilities their returned audience can give him. he also enjoys working with Phil. he certainly does not enjoy promoting their videos. and he is lucky he has Phil for that. is it a true passion for the gaming channel and joint branding solemnly? i genuinely don't think so. now, this dnp brand puts Dan into a framework, unfortunately. and i understand his desire to grow as a "strong independent Dan", and i wish him the best. i will root for him no matter how much of a floppy-ding-dong it can potentially be. i want him to fulfill his dreams and have a team that will fight for his interests. and i hope to god, UTA and Inter Talent are the ones. don't fucking tempt me with your unprofessionalism. but do i think Dan's head and heart belong to dnpg or dnp brand? no. i'm happy that he is at least trying. a part of me doesn't even care about the reason. i'm curious, but in hindsight, it wouldn't matter or change anything.

other thoughts, because apparently i decided to vomit on a keyboard tonight:

i'm glad dnp took back a bit of control over the editing on dnpg. i hope they will try to edit more themselves when gamingmas is over. or they will teach their editors better. because man, we need to slow down with these cuts.

i do think that dnp brand will expand, and dnpg and merch aren't the only things we should expect. (twitch, podcast or liveshows, onlyfans or its equivalent, vlogging series not limited by ditl, and other things that i forgot). reaction videos are already a thing and it's very funny because it's what youtube wants, so Dan must feel amazing right now falling for it :)) it's good thought because it's fun and torture for all parties involved.

i think by these reaction videos they are trying to rewrite their internet history a little bit for those who are new. it's not gonna work with us but at least dnp can control the narrative in new people's heads (i wonder for how long though).

with new people, the phandom will become more generic and dnp will love that. it can actually help Dan with new projects i think. Phil as well, but we don't know shit about it right now.

i wonder if Dan returns to working with charities.

if they involve more phannies, not only artists, it's gonna be interesting.

in case i'm wrong, don't step on my neck, i don't know anything for a fact. half of it is alleged, the other half is wishful thinking <3

[anhed-nia]

I was delighted to learn that there was a crazy-girl Black Swan movie from before BLACK SWAN, and disappointed that it's exactly as mysogynistic, just in a much dumber way. We're all familiar with the John Hughes model of romance, in which girls who reject you just want you to be increasingly persistent and controlling--but there's a sort of kid brother to this framework, that says that when women reject you it's actually because they're literally fucking insane, and they need your help with that. In the movie ETOILE aka BALLET, Jennifer Connelly aka the most beautiful woman in the universe plays a ballerina whose psychotic obsession with Swan Lake interferes with her non-relationship with some little dweeb who decides he's entitled to her. The guy looks and kind of acts like the wormy new wave guy Chuck in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (fig. 1), but in ROTLD that used car salesman suit is a joke so I don't know what the makers of ETOILE think I'm supposed to feel when I look at this asshole (fig. 2). Something positive, apparently. It's funny, in my life I live firmly in the Ugly Girl camp and I have all the usual neuroses about it, but certain situations unlock this protectiveness about beautiful women--case in point, watching this jerk kiss Jennifer Connelly. I mean if he were like Bud Cort or someone with that Funny Valentine quality, who is warm and charming, then it would be fine, but with this low-end cretin it's really like...sir, please back away from Jennifer Connelly. This is not for you.

In this movie Jennifer Connelly is frankly way too good for this guy, and if this were real life, it would make perfect sense that she's polite to him and then gives him the brush-off when he pushes his luck; but of course, in the fantasy world of this movie, the reason she rejects him is that she's fucking possessed or something and she's just waiting for him to rescue her from her feminine irrationality. This is extra funny because the script itself directly references the myth of Apollo and Daphne which is like the original version of this: Daphne just wants to be left alone, but Apollo assumes his advances are desirable no matter what she has to say about it; to get away from him she transforms into a tree, and he's so sad about it that he desecrates her corpse weaves a wreath from her leaves. This is really the ultimate reflection of a man refusing to believe that a particular hot chick really, genuinely doesn't want him, but ETOILE isn't capable of figuring out that subtext, so the guy just forces himself on Jennifer Connelly until she isn't "crazy" anymore. Bonus points for the scene where he repeatedly screams at her to stop dancing, because there's really no bigger threat to romance than a woman's career and personal interests.

I wish I could think of more examples of this trope, I know they're out there, and I did just see another one called FEMME FATALE where Lisa Zane marries Colin Firth and then "mysteriously" leaves him, so he has to go on this whole odyssey to retrieve her. This is a particularly funny example because Firth is mopey and boring and untalented and a bad listener and out of shape and a drag, and Zane is this turbulent sexpot who is making it really obvious that she's not satisfied with him right up to the point that she "strangely" vanishes. Spoilers ahead I guess but the first thing Firth finds out is that she was in some psychotic art film by a militant lesbian who she used to date...and still the spurned husband thinks, nah, it CAN'T be that I'm boring and sappy and self-centered and I ignore her needs, and it ALSO CAN'T be that maybe she secretly prefers girls or is, at the very least, way more sexually exotic than I am. There has to be some OTHER reason I got dumped, something that involves me pursuing this uninterested woman to the ends of the earth and forcing her to admit that she loves only me, forever. And the movie totally agrees with him: There's no moment where Colin Firth realizes that he misread all the evidence, or even that she's EVIL or just not who he thought she was or whatever. Instead what he finds out is that she's literally insane! She's a paranoid schizophrenic whose only valid choices of companion are her dad or, you guessed it, Colin Firth. When I saw this I thought wow, this movie has gone impossibly far out of its way to explain that when a woman rejects you, it's not because you're a dullard and a jerk, it's because she's dangerously crazy. Only an actual lunatic would turn down a catch like YOU.

Anyway I know I was just talking about not being pointlessly mean about movies in public, but all bets are off if the movie manages to say something this insulting. I am now done talking about this and I will leave you with this hilarious thumbnail from a YouTube clip of FEMME FATALE, which pretty well sums up the whole movie.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Trouble Incorporating Sub-Plot

Anonymous asked: I’m currently working on a project and I know it’s going to have romance in it but I notice I'm always leaning harder on one element over the other. If I’m writing a contemporary piece that deals with going off to school and finding yourself— I have no idea how to realistically spin the romance, my mind is too stuck on the other component of the story. So currently with my fantasy-romance, I’m leaning heavier on the romance, and am unable to connect a plot. It’s like my brain zooms in on the element and forgets everything else. Any advice?

(Ask edited for length)

Even if you're not normally a planner, this is a situation where you may benefit from planning before you write, at least until you get the hang of incorporating subplot.

The first thing to keep in mind as you plot is that stories revolve around conflict. In plot-driven stories, the conflict is external (in the character's world.) In character-driven stories, the conflict is internal (in the character's self.) In stories that are both plot-driven and character-driven (the majority of stories these days), you'll have both an external and internal conflict. Conflict is essentially a problem that needs to be resolved in some way. So, an external conflict is a problem in the character's world that they must somehow solve, and an internal conflict is a problem within the character's self that must somehow be resolved.

Next, let's consider the genre and needs of the stories you want to write. Most contemporary fiction is character-driven rather than plot-driven. Going off to school creates or exacerbates internal conflicts while finding oneself is the process of resolving said conflicts. Romance is also an internal conflict, so you will need to figure out which will be the main conflict and which will be the subplot, and then pace them out accordingly. The key will be to find ways to connect these conflicts in some way. Is the romance going to further exacerbate whatever existing internal conflict makes this character need to find themselves? Is the romance going to complicate whatever path the character is taking on the way to find themselves? Is the romance going to help the character find themselves? Knowing how these two conflicts fit together, and push and pull against each other, will be vital in plotting it out so that the main conflict stays at the forefront.

With a fantasy containing romance, the external conflict of the fantasy (defeating the evil wizard, winning the throne, destroying the cursed object) will be the main conflict, and the romance will be the subplot. In other words, you will plot out the course to resolving the external conflict, then find ways to work the romance into the scenes and events required to resolve the external conflict. My posts Story Arc (Main Plot) vs Subplot and Plot Before Subplot talk a bit about working in subplot, and my post Turning Romantic Main Plot Into Subplot helps with keeping the romantic subplot secondary to the main plot.

Now, if you were writing romantasy, where the romance is the main plot and the external conflict of the fantasy is merely a framework for the romance to play out against, I think it still helps to plot out the external conflict needs/events first. Then you can figure out how the romance is playing out against those events, but instead you'll focus on that romantic development more than the actual external conflict.

Hopefully, by planning everything out in advance (for a few stories, at least) you can get the hang of keeping your focus on the conflict that you want to be at the heart of your story.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[capn-twitchery]

do you have any tips for drawing expressions? it’s one thing that I always notice about your art, I love how expressive your characters are.

thank you so much!! it really means a ton bc expressions are one of the things i've focused & worked the hardest on over the years :D ♥

which ALSO MEANS--HA, YOU ACTIVATED MY SPECIAL INTEREST TRAP CARD i am now going to talk at you all for far too long about it >:) buckle up!

prefacing this by saying i Love animation, this makes me biased as hell with where i get my sources + how i study art. anyway!

i think my biggest #1 tip is don't be afraid to get goofy with it--characters don't have to look cool and stoic all the time, they can be silly! if an expression reads better, but looks a little off-model, do it anyway! make that guy look weird!

i draw little thumbnail expressions a Lot, whether for actual art or for just fun doodling. i don't have any recent ones to hand-- but here's some from a while ago. they help a ton to figure out what works quickly without worrying about actual facial features

they also help to see if i can push an expression further, it's easier to test out weird things on a tiny round doodle and then translate that into an actual drawing later on. pushing expressions To The Limits is a really good exercise in itself!

gonna put the rest under the cut bc it's getting long & i have a lot more to say

ok this in itself is a whole topic i can go on about for hours, but i'll try to keep it semi brief--i Love considering how different characters would show emotions! how one character would express sadness, how that would be different to another, how one character would smile vs. another, stuff like that!

related, giving characters individual expression quirks. twitch's :3 mouth & lazy lidded eyes if you could see them anyway & Very Smug Eyebrows, while grace has heavy low eyebrows & sad puppy eyes & usually looks at least 10% unsure at all times. it makes every single twitch smile look slightly not genuine and makes grace look. well. you know. the quirks are really fun to think of, and it makes drawing expressions feel a lot more fun when you personalise them!!

expressions can be easier to think of when you put characters in scenarios & consider how they'd react. it can also help to think of the character Moving/talking, instead of as a static image. mini comics or just adding dialogue to art helps a lot with this, i've only just started doing it and i'm having a blast!!

ok this one is weird and hard to explain and might only be applicable to me bc i can't see images in my brain-- but i'll throw it out there just in case! lots of artists make faces in the mirror to reference their own expressions, but it's never worked for me

i Do still act stuff out in my brain & make faces irl, but instead of doing it in the mirror, i just make the expression & consider how my face is moving in Words? ok for example This Comic, last panel for twitch--i'd run through the dialogue in my head and move around how i feel like they would, and list it off in Words--raised eyebrows, closed eyes, tilted head, etc etc. then i have a framework to base the expression on! and i don't need to stare into my own face in the mirror for reference. no mirror needed at all, actually. win/win. i do this for body language too

(yes this makes you look insane btw. sorry. if you do it too long best case scenario you get very dextrous eyebrows and worst case scenario you might start making cartoon character faces irl (or both) (i'm both))

not sure how much it helps specifically with expressions outside of animation, but it's a fun exercise--learning the limits of a character's face, animation calls it squash & stretch. drawing a face in the two most extreme states. so on character expression sheets you'll see weird faces like this⤵️ that's what that is

another exercise, i always have a ton of art saved that i like the expressions of. usually a lot of concept art for films. i'll do studies of them & redraw them, and/or take ocs and redraw them with those expressions! it's a great way to look at how other artists do stuff and yoink bits you like.

you'll hear this a lot if you look up Any art tips, but references & studies are great. i get a lot of inspo from disney concept art bc their artists are very talented people, but currently i hope disney studios' own hubris eats it alive. i want to see mickey mouse buried in a hole, the rat bastard. anyway some places i personally take inspiration from:

i look at a lot of animation concept art, some good sources are characterdesignreferences, livinglineslibrary, there's pdfs of animation art books all over the place too.

specific concept artists i like are jin kim & shiyoon kim !! they do Great expressions.

outside of film industry, tealin and tracy butler of lackadaisy cats are some inspirations! tracy butler has a great expressions tutorial here

if you find this stuff interesting & like reading, the illusion of life by ollie johnston & frank thomas is an incredible insight into the thought process behind stuff like this! there's a pdf here, unfortunately just a scanned copy but worth a read if you like this stuff!! specifically chapters 'character development', 'animating expressions & dialogue', and 'acting & emotions'

sorry that was an essay and a half but hopefully it was a little bit helpful!! i always love talking about this stuff so if you want anything clarified/just wanna talk about it more i am Always ready to go off >:3

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

a lot of people, when faced with antipsych rhetoric, will accuse us of trying to take their meds away.

the stock response is that no, we’re not trying to take anyone’s meds away, we’re trying to remove the gatekeeping and prescriptive framework that meds are currently accessed in to begin with, making it so that no-one is forced to take meds they don’t want to take and that anyone can access any meds they want to take without needing to go through an institutional authority.

and like, that’s true, but i think it’s missing the inherent anxiety being expressed: that less people will be on meds, if the psychiatric institution is abolished and we are able to disseminate accurate information about the long-term effects of some of the most commonly prescribed psych meds (SSRIs and antipsychotics in particular). i don’t think these people would ever articulate it this way themselves, but i think a lot of pathologized peoples who have bought into the psychiatric institution’s narrative have an idea of medicated=good, and unmedicated=bad, and therefore have an automatic anxiety response to the idea of a large number of people going off their meds, even if that doesn’t include them, personally.

there’s an anxiety deeply embedded in MI and neurodivergent spaces that buy into the pathology framework about unmedicated MI people being dangerous, or just unpredictable in a way that is framed as harmful to themselves and others. there’s also a strong attitude of like... not trusting individual MI people to ascertain accurately if their meds work for them or not. there’s a reason MI spaces love to lean heavily on the “i was doing great, so i decided i didn’t need my meds, and when i went off them i was suddenly suicidal and miserable, because my meds were the only thing making me do great” anecdote--while it’s an accurate anecdote for many people, it’s also incredibly useful for pushing the narrative that MI people cannot accurately assess our relationships with medication, and that it’s necessary to leave that assessment to a doctor or other outside professional.

the idea of less people being on medication of their own free will is genuinely incredibly anxiety-provoking to a lot of pathologized peoples. the idea that MI people might not need the meds they’re currently, right now, taking, is incredibly destabilizing to their worldview. the idea that they themselves might have the option to go off their meds is anxiety-provoking! from an internal view, it feels like they’re being threatened. no matter how many times you explain that nobody’s trying to personally take their meds away, they still have the feeling of being under threat. i think that’s where the disconnect in a lot of these discussions happens.

[zartikus]

Massive Spoilers for Hilda S3; Ignore this post if you yet to watch it

I currently got reminded of a specific quote from kid Johanna, I think I’m getting that mixed up with someone else, which implies that most if not all the magical creatures in Trolberg were originally native to Faerie Country before getting pushed out by the faeries. Now I tend to pretty lenient with the show in terms of continuity, since the show pre-S3 overall had a pretty good track record regarding it beyond some minor things like David’s development after the Eternal Warriors or Amma instead of one of the stated Ancient Giants being a creator of the trolls, but I feel like that statement along with how the deerfoxes were utilized by the series finale really got me miffed about this. So…

I’ma summarize on why that doesn’t make any sense.

I want to preface that this isn’t an attack on the crew who worked on S3 nor is it intended as such. They still did a phenomenal job with the final season in terms of animation, music, voice acting, sound design, storyboarding, etc, even with the bad hand dealt to them by Netflix through corporate meddling. This is more of a critique of S3 in terms of writing, specifically character writing and worldbuilding, and me explaining why I didn’t like the directions they went for this season IMO

Many of the creatures presented in Hilda were clearly designed with Trolberg in mind, with them having mostly natural color palettes and clear design motifs throughout them, many of them having an excessive amount of fur, singular or a limited color variety, etc. Even the more standout ones like the Yule Lads fit within this framework

There’s also the fact that it is stated in the tie-in books and even the show itself that the trolls and the ancient giants that lived in Trolberg were basically there first. It wasn’t until the establishment of humans that they were either pushed out into the mountains or driven off from the world itself

Not only do none of the currently present creatures in the show really reflect the environment that the Faerie Country is, but it kinda detracts from what made the show unique to begin with

For me, the main appeal of the show was that the magical elements weren’t hidden but a common occurrence within the setting, with the worldbuilding and stories reflecting on that and how the natural world conflicted with the encroachment of man through Trolberg and humanity’s history with creatures like the giants, elves, or trolls

By establishing or implying that the creatures introduced throughout the two seasons are a byproduct of another reality, it detracts from the main conceit and in general, the appeal of the show for me

It’s a similar issue with making Hilda and Johanna half-fae, it feels like an excuse to explain something that to be blunt, didn’t need explaining to begin with, and could easily be inferred by general audiences or simply explored through grounded but interesting means. Hell, I’d even take the idea of Hilda inheriting her blue hair from her pops, it fits with the general premise of the show more

Yeah I think I made it pretty clear by now that as much as I hoped and even enjoyed it, I honestly didn’t jive with S3 like I did with S1 and S2, and I’m largely disappointed at the direction it took this final round, especially in regards to the setting, creatures, and characters it established over the years.