#but i love the way they talk about your relationship with glados | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sarcasticgaypotato · 1 year ago

Note

thoughts on Caroline?

What to say about Caroline?

She's a massively important character to the franchise, but she barely speaks. She's constantly present in the story, but she's only acknowledged a handful of times. She's everywhere and nowhere, she's everything and nothing at all.

She's GLaDOS, but she isn't, or is she?

Depending on your perspective of Caroline, we either know a lot about her personality or next to nothing.

I think my initial impression of Caroline as a character was much more negative because it was shaped by fanon interpretation.

It's probably not a huge secret that I don't enjoy c/aveline, and that WAS the majority of Caroline content for a long time. I honestly kind of resented that ship, partially because it practically became a given that where there's Old Aperture, there's this ship. These two who barely interacted were EVERYWHERE, and I always got the feeling that the only reason they were popular as a couple was because it's a m/f ship, and the Portal fandom was practically beside itself with excitement to focus on any male character.

I'm not here to ship-bash, if that's your cup of tea, good for you. But personally? Not for me, and it negatively colored my perception of her for a while. It felt a bit like she was a character defined by fanon more than anything else, just there to be in a relationship with Cave (healthy or otherwise) just so it can end in tragedy when he puts her into the robot. I understand why people might enjoy that, but I've always felt like it cheapens GLaDOS's (and by extension, Caroline's) story to make it all amount to just 'being the girlfriend of a mad scientist and tragically paying the price.'

Cave's a creep! He, in my opinion, probably thought his relationship with Caroline was much more friendly than it was. She responds to him like a secretary who knows how to please her boss— "Yes sir Mr. Johnson!"— but nothing personal. She was probably nice and polite because she was a secretary, and look at the era she lived in. If she wasn't all sweet and cheery, Cave probably would've told her to smile more.

So does that mean I think she's the opposite of what we hear? Is she sadistic and cruel like GLaDOS is? No, I'm not saying that either. I'll get into who and what I think Caroline is in a second, but above all else I wanted to point out my frustration with how she's portrayed in connection to Cave. Making her Cave's love interest is boring and bland to me, basing their connection off of the same level of friendliness from her that I've shown to people working in customer service. It's just part of the job.

For Caroline herself? I'm also not a fan of 'evil Caroline' takes. I mean I love a girlboss, but it sort of misses the point here. If Caroline was always evil, sadistic, and scheming, it waters down GLaDOS and her development. If Caroline is too similar to GLaDOS, it takes away from the weight of who and what GLaDOS is. If they’re too dissimilar, it’s difficult to imagine the connection between them.

The fandom was so obsessed with the incorrect— and stupid— idea that Caroline is Chell’s mother that it missed the much more obvious metaphor under their noses. Caroline is GLaDOS’s mother.

Cut from the same cloth, GLaDOS is born of her, but she isn’t her. Without Caroline, GLaDOS would never exist, but it would be absurd to say that GLaDOS is the same person that Caroline is. GLaDOS grew, changed, and became who we saw at the end of Portal 2 much in the same way that anyone grows into being their own person, not a copy of their parents.

Here I go talking about GLaDOS in this ask about Caroline— it’s impossible not to.

If you want my personal take on Caroline?

I think she was a smart woman, keeping up with the actions of a madman and holding her head above the flood of insanity. I think she was able to look the other way when she had to, anyone who worked at Aperture needed that dubious morality. That being said, I think she had a heart. We can all debate until we die whether or not GLaDOS was remotely truthful at the end of Portal 2 about deleting her, but I think there’s a reason she attributed her act of compassion to Caroline— it wasn’t Caroline forcing her hand (claw?) via possession, but rather, she is the only framework GLaDOS has to reference that feeling. That scene is definitely GLaDOS projecting her own emotions onto someone else to avoid confronting them, but I don’t think she would make that comparison for no reason, Caroline might have been how she learned that emotion, even if the feeling is all her own.

Ultimately, Caroline is a character we will only really ever understand through the lens of other characters. We can only try to extrapolate who she is from what we see and hear, but she will likely always be a bit of a mystery. She’s the ghost haunting this franchise, and I kind of love her for it.

#portal #portal 2 #caroline #GLaDOS #I'm not going to call out specific fics or headcanons #but there are definitely takes on caroline that grind my gears #especially when I see them everywhere #I could rant plenty more about all this but I tried to contain myself #tl;dr we can have an interesting character that isn't just 'GLaDOS lite' or 'Cave's girlfriend' you guys #I know shocking concept #but it's true

62 notes · View notes

thecooler · 11 months ago

Text

Background Music at the End of the World

Two weeks after GLaDOS unleashes her attack on Aperture, Rattmann finds comfort deep in the facility's cold, uncaring walls.

Words: 1,276

Relationship: Doug Rattmann & Companion Cube

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hallucinations

Written for @creativepup and @portal-secret-santa ! The prompt was: Doug and the Companion Cube share a nice moment together. I hope you enjoy!

Ao3 Mirror

Doug wondered, as he made his way down a flight of rickety, old metal stairs, if anyone was coming for them. The odds of anybody having gotten out was low, nearly non-existent. He’d been close to the center of the facility when it all began, so he couldn’t know for sure, but he suspected that she had locked the exterior doors right off the bat. She’d always been bright, even before everything, and now she had infinite tools at her disposal. He hadn’t known Cave Johnson for long— had arrived at the tail-end of his life and had only been an intern, at the time. But still, he wondered how Cave would have felt, about what his project and partner had become.

Even now, long after his death, his face and voice lived on throughout the facility. It made the whole place feel haunted, and adding Caroline to the mix certainly didn’t help matters.

And so, Doug was in a haunted house, alone, unsure if anyone even knew he was here. If they did, would they even have the resources to help him? There was so much bullshit happening right now, with Black Mesa, and with the steady collapse of international politics ongoing since forever.

But there were still families, loved ones whose photos his coworkers kept in their wallets or the inside of their work lockers . It had been, judging by the tally marks on the wall of his den, two full weeks. He didn’t call his mom often, but she’d start to get worried soon. At least he hoped so. It might take another week. He thought, distantly, that maybe he should have been a better son, but that hardly mattered now. His neighbors certainly wouldn’t notice his absence— he’d never been the neighborly sort. He thought he’d talked to one of them once, when they needed someone to water their plants, and he was about ninety percent sure those particular neighbors had moved some time ago.

But he had coworkers with partners, with children. He couldn’t think of that for too long— if he did, it made being awake unbearable in its melancholy. Fuck, he’d met some of his coworkers kids, at take your daughter to work day last year. He remembered reminiscing with Chell about how her first time at Aperture had been at one of those events.

And now here they were: him, in the unseen back rooms of a dead facility, and her, waiting in cryosleep for GLaDOS to get bored. And then they had hope— delicate and wavering thought it was.

He settled down next to the Companion Cube and dropped his scavenging pack on the floor next to them. Several cans clattered onto the hard pavement and rolled away.

Doug sighed and rolled a can of beans back over with his foot. It made a satisfying little rattle as it bounced over bits of loose gravel. He reached forward to pick it up and began to rummage through his pockets for his can opener.

Then, the door above slammed.

Doug’s entire body tensed. The can slipped from his hands a clattered loudly onto the floor. Wide, dark eyes stared up the way he’d come, only to find the door there half open, just as he’d left it. His breath came in short, painful bursts, and as he slumped back against the Companion Cube, he reached back in his mind to find those old regulation techniques his former therapist had taught him. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

It did very little to sooth the tightness in most of his body, but it relaxed his lungs enough that he felt like he wasn’t about to suffocate, which was something.

Behind him, the Companion Cube began to vibrate. It started off at an even, consistent rumble, gentle and soothing, almost like a cat’s purr, except this cat didn't make his eyes itchy and watery. As his breathing became more regulated, though, the Cube changed its tune, literally, to something that felt— sounded— familiar. Doug squinted and shuffled to look at his companion, who stood still , benevolent as ever.

He began to hum along, and it didn’t take long doing that to figure out where he recognized the tune from. A soft, small smile spread across his face, and he said, “Is this Staying Alive ?”

The Cube paused for a few seconds, then, as though in affirmation, began playing the tune again. Doug chuckled and turned around to rest his arms and chin on top of his dear companion. Like this, he could feel the vibrations of the song rolling through his entire body.

Staying Alive, Staying Alive—

There was no getting through this without a sense of humor, he supposed.

“ Do you do other songs?” He said, “because I’ve got requests if you do. I left my phone in my locker, and it’d be dead by now anyway.” There were outlets back here, but many of them were old, and didn’t look like they’d been installed right. He thought if he tried to plug anything in, it’d be like an old cartoon, where his hair would sit up in all directions and he'd become a spiky blob of black soot. And then, probably, GlaDOS would figure out where he was and finish the job with neurotoxin. This thought made the whole situation feel less fun.

Staying Alive eventually petered out, and after a short pause, the Companion Cube said, “ I do requests, by the way, since you asked so nicely.”

“You’re a real gem,” Doug laughed.

“Not a gem. A cube.”

“Yeah, yeah, a real clever cube.” But it was more than that now too, wasn’t it? The Companion Cube was all he had— his closest and only friend and confidant. He reached back and brushed his hand gently against the surface of the Cube. When they’d first met, that horrible day, weeks and a lifetime ago now, it had been smooth and warm to the touch. A buzzing warmth still radiated off the surface, but it was also covered, much like his own skin, in a layer of grime and dust and rusty dried blood. Any soap he’d scavenged (and he’ d scavenged very little), had gone towards washing his hands. He knew he had to prioritize that, but that knowledge didn’t prevent guilt from creeping up in his gut.

“I should try to see if I can find some supplies to wash you. Window cleaner might work— not perfectly, but,” Doug worried his bottom lip between his teeth.

The Companion Cube rattled out a sound that was like a laugh— only not real. It was as though someone had heard hundreds of laughs, but had never done so themselves, and so wasn’t sure how to do it. It sounded choppy and harsh and strange. “That won’t be necessary,” the Cube said, not unkindly. After a short pause, it added, “Come on, enough moping. Give me a song to play.”

Doug thought for a moment, “Okay, but you won’t laugh, right? It’s kinda silly.”

“I don’t have the context with which to judge your music tastes.”

“Now, see, I don’t think that’s true.”

“Only one way to find out.”

Doug sighed and slumped back again, allowing his body to relieve some tension for the first time in— well, he didn’t need to think about how long it’d been. He said, “Do you know Dancing Queen , by Abba?”

The Companion Cube didn’t say anything to that, but after a moment, the familiar rhythm of the song began to echo around them.

Doug smiled softly to himself as he leaned back, closed his eyes, and listened.

#portal #portal 2 #doug rattmann #portal secret santa #writing tag

18 notes · View notes

silverstreams · 1 year ago

Note

Hey, kinda basic question, but what inspired you to write tlg? Was there a specific moment in canon that inspired you? Did you crave more chelldos content and chose to contribute to the fandom yourself? Have you always wanted to write a certain type of story or shipping dynamic and chelldos seemed like the perfect opportunity to finally get started?

I'm so curious because I really love your fic and it's always interesting to know how it all started and to learn more about the author's relationship with their own story.

Sorry if the wording of my ask seems weird, I'm not a native English speaker, but I'd be happy to talk to you about our lord and savior, chelldos christ

Not too basic at all, I'm happy to answer that!

One fun thing about Discord's easily-accessible and searchable message history is that I can pinpoint the precise conversation where I had the idea for the fic. I was talking to some other chelldos folks in 2018 about the concept of a cloned Chell, mainly how, if that happened, what would GLaDOS do to keep herself from getting bored? She's already gone through the most exciting stuff when it comes to Chell fighting back and destroying GLaDOS the first time. So what kind of stuff could be done that would be interesting to her but not dangeous? Would the variables between these clones gets more intense, more wild as she tried to get results an experiences that she hadn't had before? Then I fell face-first into the idea of GLaDOS messing with her in some psychological manner instead, if she could lull Chell into a false sense of security, but I wondered if she could ever be so "patient and willing to play the long game" and a lightbulb went off in my brain somewhere. After more of that discussion, that month I sketched out a super basic outline of a fic, and then went 'that's kinda messed up' and then set it down for like 6 months.

But the concept was still in the back of my mind, and I kept thinking about what I could potentially offer that I hadn't seen in other chelldos fics. One thing that came to mind is that, for at least the chelldos fics I had read, Chell returning to Aperture tended to end up being not a big deal, and/or GLaDOS and Chell repaired their relationship easily, or that repair happened off-screen and the fic took place in an established-relationship setting. Which, there is nothing wrong with that! I enjoyed them! And not everyone needs to write a long involved longfic before being allowed to write something fluffy, you know? But what I was thinking about was how hard things might be for both of them, the kinds of trauma they had been through, both on their own and at the hands of one another. Trying to build a foundation of trust between them would be very difficult, much less one where they could start to heal, much less one where they could start to develop feelings for one another. It would require a ton of work, especially since I couldn't ever see Chell returning to Aperture unless her hand was completely forced. Chell doesn't want to be there, and GLaDOS doesn't want her to be there, either. It would take a lot of work on the writing end to write that sort of progression in a way that wasn't rushed and that made sense too.

But I was still working on my other portal longfic at the time, so I decided that I would try to write this SHORT, 50-60k longfic as novel writing practice, something with short chapters that I could write for fun and without too much pressure in between the chapters for my other longfic (lol). Obviously the story developed out a lot more than my preliminary outlines, ha ha, but I'm glad for it.

One thing I do wish though is that I could have written it without an android form, because I love regular GLaDOS just as she is and think that if Chell was going to develop feelings, that she should be able to do it for regular GLaDOS. But unfortunately I couldn't get around it because some major plot points hinge upon GLaDOS getting locked out of her mainframe. Still feel like I'm taking the coward's approach though. It is what it is.

Anyway now it's 2023 and I am 120k into my 60k fic, which will probably end up at like 150k or so, not sure. I have wordcount projections but we'll see how I compare.

Thank you for asking!

#tlg stuff #silver stuff #asks #always happy to talk about my fic

20 notes · View notes

bpdshowdown · 2 years ago

Note

Submitted Wheatley Portal 2. He decides to help the player for literally no other reason than the fact that he got attached to you and wants your approval only to then split on you just because GLaDOS discredited him and then he immediately jumps to conclusions and assumes that you're siding with her and that you don't appreciate him. And then later on during the boss battle, he accuses you of not caring about him and accuses you of taking advantage of him the entire time. Wheatley is highly insecure and self conscious, has an unstable relationship with the player while also being clingy with them, is clearly paranoid about being duped and taken advantage of. Seriously, his ENTIRE boss battle rant is a BPD rage episode. Like look at these lines:

"We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Oh, you remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time. And we would have talked our way out of it. Except you forgot to tell me you'd MURDERED her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details that I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still do not."

"Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life. But you? Just wanted to leave! Didn't want to share my success. Well, so you know, I would be HAPPY for you if you succeeded... Apart from right now, obviously."

"Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind!"

"All I wanted to do was make everything better for me... All you had to do was to solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years... AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN LET ME HAVE THAT, COULD YOU?!"

"And another thing! You never caught me... I told you I could DIE falling off that rail and you didn't catch me... Didn't even TRY. Oh! It's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep, give him some sob story about escaping to the surface, squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun, then, when he's- when he's no more use to you, he has a little ACCIDENT, doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail, doesn't he?"

"You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged... Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!"

"Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most!"

"I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is! All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably-... probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll- I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point!"

"But the real point is - oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen it coming!"

This is very lovely writing! I haven't finished Portal 2 yet, but it is super convincing! Thanks for the ask :)

#propaganda #ask #anon #not poll

2 notes · View notes

humanwheatleyslefttoenail · 4 years ago

Note

why do you ship chell and glados if glados is basically her mom

Okay this is actually a pretty common misconception in the fandom that unfortunately a lot of people have taken as canon, but I’m feeling nice so I’ll answer your question.

Basically, anon is referencing a theory from around 2012 that Caroline is Chell’s mom. The evidence for the theory is as follows:

- The turret opera calls Chell “bambina”, which means “little girl” in Italian

- Chell’s name can be found on a Bring Your Daughter To Work Day science project

- GLaDOS references the possibility of Chell being adopted multiple times

- GLaDOS is significantly nicer to Chell after discovering she’s Caroline

And, anon, you’re right, it does sound like a pretty good argument at first glance. The problem is that a lot of these points don’t actually hold up to scrutiny.

For example, although “bambina” literally translates to “little girl,” it’s often used in the same way “baby girl” is used in English - it can mean child, but contextually it’s usually a flirtatious term. (Source: Cambridge Dictionary)

For Chell’s science project, it doesn’t work as evidence for the theory because GLaDOS killed the scientists around 1998-ish, when Caroline had presumably been uploaded several years earlier and Cave was already dead. Also, Chell’s in her 20′s, and since we know from Lab Rat/Portal 2 that people don’t age in stasis, and that Doug put Chell at the top of the test subject list only weeks after the takeover, Chell was 28 at the time of the takeover. The science project is really only an Easter egg and doesn’t actually fit into the canon timeline let alone prove anything about Caroline and Cave.

GLaDOS talking about Chell being adopted is a pretty strong point, I’ll admit, but also it’s important to remember that maybe half of what GLaDOS says is true. And even if we take what she says at face value, she also says there’s a man and a woman in stasis with Chell’s last name, which could not have been Cave and Caroline because they were already dead at that point. And the official book Final Hours Of Portal 2 confirms Cave and Caroline were not married and could not have shared the same name anyway. It was also the 50′s, an an unmarried couple of two likely famous people having a child would’ve been scandalous, and yet we see no hint of something like this affecting their company.

Also, although GLaDOS is nicer to Chell after the Caroline reveal, that’s not necessarily indicative of a mother-daughter relationship, and neither is any of their interactions. It’s just. GLaDOS being friendlier.

Finally, when this theory was made (and let’s be honest - it still is happening) Chell was constantly whitewashed to hell and back.

Chell is Japanese-Brazilian, and Cave and Caroline are white, so it would be a near impossibility for her to be their biological child (and insisting otherwise is kinda. just. whitewashing). And although people will cry “adoption!”, based on what I’ve previously proven, that’s pretty much impossible. This theory that somehow she’s Cave and Caroline’s daughter erases an important part of her identity. [Disclaimer, I am white, but this is what I’ve heard from around the fandom]

With all that said, the idea that she’s the daughter of Cave and Caroline really doesn’t hold weight when you really analyze the canon. It’s surface level analysis that doesn’t hold up. And honestly? The idea kinda cheapens the story. It’s much more powerful that GLaDOS learns to care about Chell and becomes kinder than just. Oh, she remembered she’s related to Chell.

But to actually answer your ask.

Why do I ship them?

Well, they aren’t mother and daughter, I think that’s pretty obvious now. But if you actually look at a lot of subtext in Portal 2, without the lens of the mother theory, it’s actually pretty romantic!

I know that sounds ridiculous, but bear with me!

Now - it’s totally okay if you don’t ship them. I get it. Their interactions in Portal 1 and the first half of Portal 2 are toxic if not outright well. Y’know. Murderous. I completely understand why that turns people off from shipping them, and ultimately, shipping is a personal thing. To each his own.

But before you judge me, let me present my case.

Exhibit A: Portal

Portal is kinda gay. No, really. Chell and GLaDOS are enemies in this game, but the entire focus is on their relationship (good or not) and the power struggle between them. They are opposites, two sides of the same coin, different representations of opposite ideologies. People have analyzed Portal as a relationship metaphor, or as a metaphor about women’s role in society - either way, the heart of Portal is the complicated dynamic between Chell and GLaDOS.

That’s not necessarily enough to code a romance, but a lot of popular (and especially popular queer ones) ships begin with opposite ideologies, symbolic powers colliding. Portal cements their relationship as a toxic one, something on the verge of falling apart and hurting both parties in the end. The ending image, of Chell and GLaDOS side by side after the battle, reinforces the symbolic parallels between the two.

The companion cube is also pretty symbolically important to this interpretation. It’s literally a representation of someone’s heart, and you are told to protect it and preserve it under GLaDOS’ orders, and then you have to destroy it regardless of how you actually feel about doing that. You are destroying GLaDOS’ heart, so to speak.

There’s also the ending song, Still Alive. The lyrics speak for themselves.

They hint that GLaDOS’ feelings about Chell are more complicated than they may appear (if she’s not being sarcastic...) and she literally talks about Chell breaking her heart (also, think back to the companion cube. Yeah.). The entire song is structurally similar to many a breakup number, with the laments of “I’m glad it happened, but also leave.”

At the end, we also see that the long promised cake GLaDOS was supposedly lying about was real the whole time. Before Portal 2 came out, it was mostly interpreted as a stinger ending (along with the nicer lyrics of Still Alive) to make you question GLaDOS’ true motives and intentions.

She actually did have a real cake waiting for you. (Side note - not really evidence, but in Argentina, “torta” means cake in Spanish. It’s also a slang term for lesbians. So. Do with that what you will). The cake is what GLaDOS offers you to lull you into the sense that she cares about you, so discovering that “the cake is a lie” wakes you up to the realization that she doesn’t. Except then the idea is subverted one last time, at the very end, showing that the cake is real and at least some of what she said she meant.

You also see the companion cube. You know, GLaDOS’ symbolic heart?

Now, okay, you might be thinking I’m extrapolating a bit too much. And you might be right. But Portal is not the only game in the series, and if you’re asking me about Cave and Caroline you obviously know about Portal 2.

Exhibit B: Portal 2

If you thought Portal was gay, Portal 2 turns that up to 11.

Even before GLaDOS wakes up, you’re treated to some visual subtext. A few of Rattmann’s drawings representing the events of Portal 2 focus a lot on the relationship between GLaDOS and Chell, with more of the cake symbolism.

In this, you can see a face layered on top of GLaDOS. This could be foreshadowing about Caroline, and likely is, but also resembles his other drawing of Chell. It insists that Chell is a part of GLaDOS, or reinforces parallels between Chell and Caroline, hinting at something either way.

In this picture, we also see Chell standing on top of GLaDOS, in the same position where the overlay of the feminine face was, again referencing the parallel. It also presents them as opposites, fundamental parts of the same thing and both connected to the same basis, but on opposing sides.

When GLaDOS wakes up, she returns to her antagonistic role, but there are more hints to something deeper just like in Portal.

Here, in her awakening lines, she references Chell not unlike an estranged ex. Also worth noting that GLaDOS is pretty much the personification of testing (in a sense, she is testing since she can control all of Aperture like an extension of her body), and insinuates that Chell loves to test. And that she reciprocates that feeling.

In test chamber 10, she says this:

It’s supposed to be threatening, but it does read as almost... sentimental.

There’s also another chamber with companion cubes in Portal 2. I already talked about their symbolism in Portal, and the same pretty much applies to them here. However, GLaDOS says something interesting about them during this level:

Once again, meant to be intimidating, ends up coming off as “well, GLaDOS, why were you going to give Chell a heart shaped representation of yourself that says ‘I love you?’” And you might think I’m stretching the GLaDOS’ heart metaphor thing a little far here, and I might agree, if the companion cubes didn’t literally sing Cara Mia for you.

Cara Mia is the turret opera from the end of the game, which is all about how much GLaDOS cares about Chell. More on that later. But the companion cubes play a song called Love as A Construct, and when you get close to them, they sing a specific part of the song that has the tune of Cara Mia. These things literally exist to sing about GLaDOS’ feelings.

Which makes this line a lot more. For lack of a better term. Tsundere-ish.

Then, right before the escape, she starts talking about the confetti from her fake surprise.

I really don’t have to explain this one. What else does GLaDOS consider an inconvenience but might miss anyway? Or, more aptly, who else?

Then, during the escape, she teases a (fake) final test chamber in front of you, and forms the panels in the shape of a heart. No, really.

Up to this point, a lot of the points I’ve presented are interspersed with a fair amount of antagonization on GLaDOS’ behalf, more Foe Yay than anything actually hinting at something deeper than GLaDOS being conflicted about whether she loves or hates Chell. But things really ramp up after Wheatley’s betrayal, when the two of them are forced to team up. (I should also note here that “enemies to lovers” is a pretty classic queer romance trope.)

Here, GLaDOS is put on an equal level with Chell and they have to rely on each other if they want to survive. For the rest of the singleplayer campaign, GLaDOS becomes a lot nicer and even friendly to Chell. There comes a point where she starts referring to Chell as a teammate, calling them “we.” She begins to consider them one unit, two opposites unified. Here’s what she says after the lemon rant:

You can not only see her using we, but actively talking about how her and Chell are going to fight Wheatley together. There’s also that last line - “let’s explode with some dignity.” GLaDOS has fully accepted the very likely possibility that she and Chell might die together. That she might die on the same level, and the same team as Chell. And she seems... surprisingly okay with that, as long as she and Chell go together.

It’s during the Old Aperture levels that Chell and GLaDOS also discover that they have a lot in common. This is the part of the game where GLaDOS figures out she’s Caroline, that she’s human. Or, that she’s like Chell. And Chell discovers (from what we can tell anyway) that Caroline is kind, that she’s funny and smart and so many of these things she never noticed about GLaDOS before. Now also with the knowledge she is fighting alongside another human being.

You can also draw parallels between Chell and Caroline, both intelligent women ultimately betrayed by their seemingly innocuous male friends before being trapped in Aperture and forced to team up with one another in a way that will free both of them. We see that really, GLaDOS isn’t that different from Chell - she too has been imprisoned in this place against her will, but in a completely different way. Once again, the idea of two sides of the same coin applies here.

I’ve written another meta about this before, but I also think the whole idea of repressing a part of your identity and hating it, before bonding with another woman and then realizing that it’s okay to be like her and to be on her side. It’s okay to be yourself and meeting her is what helps you discover this new part of yourself. Is kinda inherently gay. GLaDOS’ discovery of her own humanity just fits so well into a queer realization narrative, to me at least.

Then, Chell and GLaDOS escape Old Aperture and have to get through Wheatley’s tests.

Here, GLaDOS isn’t just begrudgingly on Chell’s team. She’s actively helpful. She wants to help Chell solve tests, defends her from Wheatley’s insults, and makes jokes to lighten the mood. Things that can really only be explained by her caring about Chell, especially the part about the insults. See below.

After the two escape Wheatley’s testing track, right before the boss fight GLaDOS has a few other things to say.

GLaDOS is not going to betray Chell, because of some kind of conscience. But she could easily ignore that back in her body, and yet? Here she’s deciding not to, and for no good reason. She didn’t have to say that to Chell, but she did, because she cares and she wants Chell to live.

And then, moments before the fight:

The final lines imply that GLaDOS does not think of Chell as an enemy anymore, and that it doesn’t matter what Chell thinks because they are in this together and they are getting revenge together. It’s pretty heartwarming to be honest, to know that even in a fight that will almost certainly kill you, she is there rooting for you and caring about you, even if you don’t feel the same way about her. It no longer matters to GLaDOS whether you even reciprocate - you staying alive, you making it through is enough for her.

So Chell fights Wheatley and sends him into space, all well and good, and at this point, GLaDOS has the option to kill Chell. But not only does she not, she actively saves Chell, and holds her hand in the process. If you don’t believe me:

And not only that, but when Chell goes unconscious from her injuries, GLaDOS sits and waits for her to wake up. It’s also implied that GLaDOS carries her to the elevator, since it’s where she wakes up but not where she passed out. In the scene where Chell blacks out, you can also hear the part of Love As A Construct that sounds like Cara Mia. Yeah. Yeah.

If you think that this cannot possibly get any gayer, you are wrong again, because then GLaDOS makes her final speech. Which is really just a love confession, let’s be honest.

The “surge of emotion?” Do you mean love, GLaDOS? And the idea of GLaDOS considering Chell her best friend, despite everything these two have done to each other? The idea that GLaDOS, out of all people, forgives someone?

Except this isn’t even Chell’s final send-off. GLaDOS writes her an entire opera of turrets, that sing a literal love song. (Note what I said earlier about the use of the word “bambina”).

It really can’t get any more obvious than that. “My (affectionate romantic term here), my dear, I adore you.” How. Is. That. Heterosexual. In. Any. Way.

So Chell goes to the surface, set free by GLaDOS (think of the saying “if you love something, set it free), and you think that’s the end. Until GLaDOS gives you a companion cube so you aren’t alone on the journey, and from the burn marks, you know it’s your first companion cube. Her original heart, her first gift to you, a piece of her that she wants you to carry with you to remind you that she does care about you after everything. It also gives the lyrics to Still Alive a much more genuine meaning.

Portal 2 ends, and then the ending song, another GLaDOS number plays. Just like Still Alive, Want You Gone is structurally a break up song and very obviously about GLaDOS missing Chell and “counting on” (read: caring about/loving) Chell’s tendencies and quirks.

She’s accepted Chell completely, and yet also given Chell the one thing she wants most. Only wanting Chell gone can mean GLaDOS not wanting Chell in her life anymore, but can also mean she wants to give Chell the freedom she’s wanted for so, so long. It’s the best thing she can give.

In the co-op campaign, GLaDOS also references still caring about Chell.

And that’s the end of the Portal series. Except. Brace yourself. Despite the games being over, there is STILL more subtext somehow. It gets. Even gayer.

Exhibit C: Supplemental Evidence

Valve has made a lot of extra/cut content for the Portal series, and I’ll be looking at some of it below.

This official valentine from Valve shows GLaDOS offering a romantic partner cake, which as we’ve established before, is very symbolic of GLaDOS’ feelings about and/or relationship with Chell.

There’s a lot of other concept art and official art that emphasizes their relationship too. See below.

There’s also some cut GLaDOS lines that are even gayer than the source material and again, sound like confessions or references to a breakup:

The idea of “discovering things about someone”... how much more obvious can it get?

The developers have even confirmed a lot of my commentary on Chell and GLaDOS’ relationship in The Final Hours Of Portal 2. See these quotes from the book/this post:

The devs literally describe it as a romance. They use terms like “cheating,” they wanted to write a romantic duet, JoCo purposefully wrote the endings like love songs. It is literally, blatantly said by the creators of the game that their relationship is interpreted romantically. By the creators of the game.

And if Word of God confirmation isn’t enough for you, have a song written for a cut alternate ending by GLaDOS’ voice actress, Ellen McClain. The song is literally nothing but GLaDOS talking about caring about Chell, about not wanting her to die/leave GLaDOS alone, about wanting to bake a cake with Chell, about waiting for Chell to wake her up. It’s so genuinely sweet and sad, and really, really romantic in the most heartwrenching way possible.

JoCo also came back for the Portal levels in Lego Dimensions, writing one final breakup song for GLaDOS to sing about Chell. It comes off as GLaDOS not wanting to admit she misses Chell even though she obviously does, trying to replace their relationship but failing, and even explicitly forgiving Chell/wanting her to come back.

Also, the “finally I understand,” as if only now GLaDOS understands just how deep her feelings for Chell are... What else can I say?

In Lego Dimensions, GLaDOS also outright rejects anyone who isn’t Chell.

In Conclusion:

Why do I ship Chell and GLaDOS?

Well, ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether I ship them.

Because I think it’s glaringly obvious Portal does.

#chelldos #chell #glados #portal #portal 2 #tw fatphobia #whitewashing #fandom racism #long post

3K notes · View notes

bunny-heels · 4 years ago

Text

actually yknow what. a lil bit of it wont hurt,..;.,...,

so like. gman and glados right? look if youve followed me for more than a few months you know that its a pairing i like but dont make many if at all any posts about it, because yknow, it could be seen as weird and shit, but just go with it for a lil.

so in actual portal/half life canon, i do think they would be nothing more than good friends with obvious flaws. biggest one being that G' finds humans useful for a lot of things while GLaD only finds them useful for testing. i know with how G' is shown in canon as well that it wouldnt be easy to imagine him actually having conversations with GLaD. or anyone. but i have my reasons to think otherwise.

i feel like G-Man is just, extremely fascinated by GLaDOS. yes he himself is incredibly smart and has probably seen beings exactly like GLaDOS before. but i think what gets him so interested in her is that, for one shes got the intelligence of like all the great scientists in the world even though she was made by none of them, and two, shes still very much human despite having a hatred for them. she dislikes how flawed humans are even though shes very flawed herself.

and i think GLaDOS would find G' interested too. because the only thing really human about him is that he just looks like one, and even then he has a good amount of mistakes in his design. like the glowing eyes and weird manners. i feel like if she saw him for the first time she'd think humans had just evolved in the outside world and now their eyes can glow for some reason.

but moving on from the friend thing-

i do think they'd make a really cute couple. i mean as cute of a couple as you can make with the two of them. but if your standards are low like mine then like, its really really cute. i have a lot of things about their relationship i wanna talk about but i'll just get some main stuff out of the way.

G' is the only being that GLaD lets "review" her chambers. very loosely using that word since its more of just her showing off a test she made that she's really really proud of. sometimes she'll let him do his own lil tests or maybe add something to an already made chamber. thats more if he's lucky.

G' helps GLaD take care of the crow babies. i have it as a headcanon already that he knows how to take care of crows really well, and i would think GLaD would only know the basics of taking care of one. as in how to just keep it alive but not really show it love. he slowly teaches her how to be more emotional with them. she can only keep it up for like, 10 minutes every few hours. but yknow, its baby steps.

most importantly, i think they would use their relationship as a scare advantage to Chell and Gordon, and only to Chell and Gordon. two extremely powerful beings, one of machine and one of flesh, in a romantic relationship together and they both already can easily kill. its horrifying, it scares people shitless, and they love it.

#half-life #portal #gman #glados #half life #g man #g-man #gman x glados #glados x gman #the bun talks

20 notes · View notes

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Hunting Hybrids.”

Hope you guys like this one, things are about to get very interesting.

“This news is…. Most concerning, commander. And you disposed of all the creatures.”

“I…. did...regrettably. None of them were viable for life, but you must understand that If i run across one with some semblance of sentience that is not in pain that I will not be able to kill it, and I must insist that you do not either. I…. have a certain…. Attachment to hybrids.”

“Of course commander, we understand. However, Your spiderlings are the result of a natural process and not genetic meddling, but if you do run into a creature who is not tormented and racked with pain, then we urge you to bring them in for testing.”

“Yes ma’am. Have your scientists determined anything about the experimentation>”

“We determined much, but what we learned had only lead us to more questions than it has answers.” The rundi chairwoman gestures with her hand in a dismissive sweeping motion, “Your assumptions were right to begin with. The Prodigum were trying to splice human DNA with their own DNA. The way they were doing it was not particularly scientific. Each of the testing kits that you sent to us contained different variations of DNA implying that they were either trying to find a balance or their operation was being poorly run by people who did not understand what they were doing.”

“What do you believe they were trying to do?”

She turned in a circle facing away from him, “We are not entirely sure. With the human DNA we suspect that they were trying to obtain certain attributes of the human condition that would be beneficial to their own furtherment, though what it is I cannot say.

“The ability not to be ugly as hell.”

“What was that commander?”

“Nothing ma’am.”

“Very well, I want you to start in on this investigation. Figure out what other things they were doing, and determine if anyone else has this technology.”

He bowed his head, yes ma’am.” The line before him shut off and he stood on the center of the bridge hands behind his back.

“What you looking for?”

He turned around blinking in surprise when he found a large furry shape standing behind him.

Glados.

It always blindsided him at how big she was getting. She was as tall as Krill now, almost three feet in height, and the peach fuzz baby fur on her wolfish head and body had long since died off.

The hair on her face was short and tawny though the hair on the rest of her body was still prone to greyish, more like a tarantula than a human.

He took a seat in his chair, and she scuttled over resting her head on his lap.

He ran a hand over her ears, “I think something strange is going on.”

“Strange?” She wondered.

Behind him he heard the scuttling of two other forms as Hal and Glados came crawling onto the bridge.

Man they were getting massive. They were no longer big enough for him to carry, though they tried very hard to keep that traidiona alive, an attempt that usually left him lying on the floor in mock agony as they screeched at each other about having killed him.

“What are you going to do?” Cortana’s voice was warped and distorted, like he was hearing it through a static radio or the voicebox of a warped doll.

“Well, luckily for all of us, I think I know exactly where to start.”

*** Commander Vir and Sunny stood together on the slow-moving elevator into the abyss. Down in the chasm light passed by them on either side as the night life of Noctopolis went on at the fast-paced rhythm that it always had.

He leaned against the railing, while Sunny stayed planted in the middle of the platform.

“You know that if this thing drops and we fall, standing there isn’t going to keep you alive.” He mused.

“Yes, but it will keep me from accidentally falling off. Now get over here before you give me a heart attack.”

“Can Drev even have heart attacks.”

“Perhaps not in the same way, but it applies…. Please.”

He sighed, “Fine.” Stepping away from the rail and walking over to where she was standing.

“Why are we even here?”

“Because, I think I know some people who might be able to help us?”

“How is that.”

He taped his foot against the metal, “I have a sneaking suspicion that the prodigum weren’t the first people to come up with the idea of hybridization. I think that they were either trying to replicate, or someone sold them the secrets on how to do it, and if that is the case, why would someone want to make a hybrid.”

“Mix a human and a Drev and you get an indomitable warrior.” Sunny mused

“There is that…. But who do you think might want a hybrid child.”

She looked on blankly at him, “One of those circus people/”

He shook his head and waved a hand, “I have a sneaking suspicion that this has something to do with hybrid couples.”

Sunny’s eyes widened, “You mean LFIL… “ She trailed off and he nodded

“Think about it, if there is a market, A Tesraki is going to try and fill it. So say one of their friends is in a relationship with a man and one day they overhear how the couple really wants kids, but they can’t have them. They think about adopting, and that's fine, but one of them muses what would happen if it could actually work, and then the third gets a brilliant idea.”

“I suppose it’s possible.”

“I suppose it’s probable, and while I like the LFIL guys, not all of the are going to be upstanding citizens who say no to experimental genetic testing.”

The elevator stopped and the two of them got off walking out into the underground tunnels.

“Where are we going.”

“I’ve been invited to come stop by in their area on one or two occasions, you know after what I did at the last protest.”

“Of course, leave it to you to make friends with literally everyone.”

HE smiled but kept walking shouldering his way down the alley until they finally reached the place he was looking for. Red and purple neon glowed around them, and --through the floor-- they could hear the driving beat of the music.”

Together the two of them pushed open the door and stepped into the dark hallway.

The walls before them were lined with images of little strings of lights. Most of them were depictions of couples in loving poses holding hands hugging or some other form of affection. Little plaques below the pictures read out their stories.

The commander and Sunny walked past these stepping into the large open room.

Music rattled the floor. On one half of the room humans and Drev danced to a driving beat, while on the other Tesraki, Finnari, Drev and Humans alike lounged about a s drinks were brought to them from the nearby bar.

More figures could be seen up on the balconies playing pool and darts and generally laughing.

Sunny stepped up beside him.

A live band played at the other end of the room.”

“Where do we start?” She wondered

He motioned towards the bar, “Where everyone starts.”

Together they shouldered their way through the crowd, though they did not go unnoticed. As a few people turned to recognize them drinks were lifted or they were patted on the back given friendly smiles or waves of approval.

They had almost made it to the bar when most of the crowd turned to look at them.

The music cut off

The commander sighed, “I was hoping that wouldn’t happen.”

“Is that the commander!”

He grimaced and turned on the spot to face the stage where the live band had now turned the entire room to look at them, “It is you! Everyone give this man and his friend Sunny a round of applause!”

He felt his face go red as the entire room erupted in cheering.

He waved a hand trying to get them back to what they were doing.

A few of the people on the dance floor motioned them over, “Come dance with us!” They urged .

“Sorry guys, official business. Maybe later.”

They looked disappointed, but allowed the others to go on. The music started back up, but most of the attention was on them as they made their way over to the bar. When they got there, the bar tender was already waiting.

He was a very tall and skinny man with a studded jacket and a bright green Mohawk. At his side a Finnari was busy pouring drinks.

“Can I get official business a drink? It’ll be on the house.”

“Sorry, I don’t drink on duty”

“Not even soda, or juice.”

“Well I suppose that would be alright.”

The punk smiled at the little Finnari, “You mind, dear.

She nodded and scurried off popping off a bottle lid and pouring the commander a glass while simultaneously passing Sunny another strange concoction which looked like someone was trying to marinate about half a cucumber worth of cucumber slices in some water.

Sunny seemed to enjoy it though.

“So what can we do for you.”

He seemed almost eager to help the two of them out.

The commander took a sip of his drink, “Well, I can’t say specifics, but….. The GA discovered something recently, and whatever it is could be a game changer for the rest of the galaxy…. Do you know of anyone who has been approached by a group or organization that…. Claims to be able to splice two species DNA together?” he kept his voice low hoping that no one would hear him over the music.

He wasn’t expecting the reaction he got.

The man’s eyes immediately widened, and he held up a hand, “Hold on. There is someone I thin you need to talk to.”

Sunny and him exchanged glances but, after a moment the punk bartender returned with two others. A tall woman and her Tesraki partner. The group of them shook hands as they returned before business got more serious.

“So…. you know something about this? The commander wondered.

They glanced at each other, “About… the DNA thing?”

He nodded.

The Tesraki snorted, “Someone approached us with some sort of business proposal, and of course I didn’t take it seriously. I know shady business practices when I see them, I said to silvia I says that they will probably tack on charges to us as everything goes along until eventually we owe them the house and the car.” He waved his hand, “Besides hybrids, there is just something I don’t like about that.”

“So someone approached you?”

“Targeted us more like.” The human said crossing her arms, “Came up to us all shady like asking personal questions about our love life. About how we could have kids if we wanted how it wasn’t fair that we got to see other people with happy families where we can.” She snorted, “Bitch please, there are plenty of orphaned children out there that it would be more than a little selfish, in my opinion, to bring some kind of strange hybrid abomination into this world.”

“You didn’t take their offer seriously?”

“Of course we didn’t. It was probably some kind of scam anyway.”

“Has anyone else gotten these offers?” he wondered

She paused, “Well not that I think about it a few people have, but all of us have sort of ignored it. No one that I know would willingly involve themselves in something like that. Genetic tampering is illegal after all other than for reasons of medical research.” The commander nodded, “And how about everyone else here. Do they share the same views as you…. Or do you think they would be willing to make a deal like that.”

He saw the answer in her eyes before she even said it.

She was unsure.

“Well.” She glanced down at her partner, “Now that I think about it. There are a few people… eccentrics mind you.”

The Tesraki leaned forward, “He means unstable. Our entire community isn’t a haven for the misjudged and oppressed. There are some real craizes in here for very wrong reasons. Some eccentrics who just think its fun to be different.” he glanced around, “They give the rest of us a very bad name, and I would wager to say that something like that would not be above them.”

“And where have these people been approaching you?”

The woman shrugged, “Usually in LFIL friendly bars like this one, but since this one was recently accepted by an establishment by the state things have cleaned up around here.

“I see.” he glanced at Sunny, “Looks like we have some work to do.”

She nodded.

He smiled, “What do you think, what to be my date for a night out of espionage”

She snorted, “You’re gonna have to buy me a drink first.”

“Playing hard to get, I see how it is.” He glanced at the bartender, “Another one of those…. cucumber …. thingies but after that I’m going to need about five gallons of nail polish, some hair dye and a shitty prosthetic leg.”

“Kinky.” The bartender commented on his way back.

“You can shut your trash mouth. I don’t tell you how to spend your free time.”

The group of them laughed for a minute as the commander moved back to being serious glancing back at the room full of people.

What might they know, and how many of them could potentially be involved.

He didn’t want to think ill of anyone, but desperation makes people do some strange things

325 notes · View notes

ceo-caroline · 4 years ago

Text

Portal is a feminist game and here’s why!! (some of my thoughts on the upload process and Caroline’s internal conflict)

When I think of a young woman in the workforce circa 1950, my mind first goes to the disparity between men and women; the sexism, the pay gap, the general feeling of existing as a female individual and how it is a constant uphill battle. Caroline is not an exception to that, and even if she is the boss’s favorite, she is still frustratingly determined to be recognized for her intelligence and not just her wit or appearance. She doesn’t want to just be a secretary for the rest of her life. (In my opinion, she didn’t even go to secretary school, she just finished college and landed a job at Aperture because she scared the hell out of her interviewer and Cave thought it was the funniest thing he’d seen in years.)

I believe that Caroline grew up living with her mother, who was also a very strong-willed and independent woman. Caroline had that positive influence all throughout her childhood, and that creates this determination to succeed even if it appears unrealistic. She doesn’t have some grand dream to destroy all sexism at Aperture Science Innovators, but she does want to be a scientist herself. She wants to not have to follow her boss around like a puppy all day. She wants her coworkers to stop staring at her ass. She wants her own office. I think for the first 20 years of her career she has a lot of drive to accomplish those smaller goals. Caroline strives for respect and equal treatment because she knows that she’s smarter than at least half of Cave’s employees that work in the labs.

The thing that separates her from another woman in her position, however, is that she will go to greater lengths to achieve these goals, and do things that are morally grey. She doesn’t care a lot about integrity, she’s a good liar and she uses it largely as a defense mechanism. For most of her life, she has been a victim. She’s been forced to make herself smaller and quieter, so she learns that if she wants something, she has to go about it in ways that are often unethical. But the older she gets and the more corruption that surrounds her, the easier it becomes.

I have some hang-ups on the subject of the upload process because I feel that Caroline’s identity as a woman and everything that she worked so hard to achieve is something primarily important to her. It’s canon that she initially refused to be used as a guinea pig for GLaDOS. There was clearly something holding her back. I guess I just assume that it’s the value she has placed on her bodily autonomy. And I’ve read (and partially agree with) the argument that there is even greater body autonomy once Caroline has full control of Aperture and is no longer held back by Cave or the boundaries of being a woman. But she doesn’t know if the upload is going to be successful. She’s worked at Aperture since she was 22. She’s fully aware that they barely take any precautions, that a lot of the scientists lack a moral compass and have next to no regard for human life (herself included). She has a sinking feeling that she is going to die, and she doesn’t want that. Maybe, for once, she really sees herself and what she’s become. Maybe she sees herself in Cave. People have told her in passing that they act the same, and she’s dismissed it. But now she realizes that they really are so similar. Refusing his proposition is a last-ditch effort to separate herself from his madness and try to reclaim some of what she’s lost.

(This goes into my thoughts on caveline which I can talk about in full another time, but I really believe that Cave exercised this control over Caroline at the same time that she exercised control over him. Their relationship is so toxic because they are both simultaneously manipulating one another to try to gain something)

She wants Aperture, but she doesn’t want it as GLaDOS, she wants it as Caroline. Imagine working your ass off to be recognized for your talent and achievements only for it to be thrown away because a man tells you to give up your body for science (out of a twisted act of love). That seems miserable. I have this idea that I can’t shake of Caroline being unwilling to give up her life for her job. She is stubborn and selfish like Cave, but unlike him, she is also calculating. Cave will go about things with reckless abandon, but Caroline weighs her options, she always has. Just because she is cruel doesn’t mean that she isn’t intelligent. She clings to her logic, her human brain, because she really does value it. It has yet to fail her.

Caroline surely considered Cave’s idea, she didn’t just say no. I like to think that she had her own kind of relationship with GLaDOS as She was being built due to her fascination with artificial intelligence. But Cave’s mind was probably pretty compromised by illness at the point that he asked her (just listen to the lemon rant, which symbolizes his fall from grace). His desperation to preserve her was clear and terrifying. That impulsive, headstrong behavior that Caroline used to admire is now being directed at her. She begins to realize how truly flawed he is. It’s like she’s finally coming up for air after being underwater for decades.

And I have to emphasize that Caroline lacks this inherent privilege. Her life is not easy. She fights tooth and nail to be respected, even when she has more authority than the men that talk down to her. She’s fierce, and she doesn’t back down from a good challenge, she keeps fighting. Though, I do believe that as she gets older, her coping mechanisms for the stresses in her life (like her toxic relationship with Cave & her obsessive/compulsive thinking patterns) become increasingly destructive, which is another example of her own flaws coming back to hurt her. She overworks herself and is under constant pressure from Cave. She’s exhausted with everything. So maybe there is some acquiescence that comes with her death. Maybe she stops screaming when she realizes it’s useless to fight. Aperture was going to kill her one way or another. She may as well go down with some dignity.

#my writing #can we tell i miss college and writing papers sdfsdf #these are all my own opinions btw!! portal is fun bc the canon is fluid sometimes & we can all theorize #also lemme know if u want my caveline analysis i have one of those too ..#portal #portal 2 #caroline portal #cave johnson #glados

79 notes · View notes

malefiquinn · 4 years ago

Text

My Cyberpunk 2077 review

I finished the game last night and I have Feelings™ about it, so here goes my review. While the heavy spoilers (ending related) will be hidden under Keep Reading, I might mention some minor ones here and there, so read at your own risk.

Let’s get the Big Thing out of the way first: yes, the game is buggy af. The good news is most of them are visual bugs, so while annoying, they don’t really matter gameplay wise. But I did have to reload an earlier save file two times to get rid of gamebreaking bugs, both messing with main story quests. It was frustrating. And nevermind the times my car got destroyed because the game suddenly realized there were two cars occupying the same space. However I did manage to finish the game and make the choices I wanted, so it wasn’t that bad either.

My biggest complain is the blantant transphobia shown in the character creator. I know Claire exists and she’s awesome and I love her, but the cc options are just not inclusive enough. What’s the point of having them if you can’t use them anyway? Linking V’s pronouns to voice types makes absolutely no sense. And not being able to remove breasts from the female body type (or put them in the male body type) rubs me the wrong way as well, though I understand that it would involve a lot more animation work. Lastly, having body type-dependant hair styles is just plain inexcusable when the devs took the time to design genitals that are just not shown past the character creator (unless V walks around naked, I suppose). So, why bother having all these ✨choices✨ when the player can’t get a good, accurate customization anyway?

And it gets worse if we talk about romances. Real people have specific tastes and that’s completely understandable, but real life has a lot more than 4 choices in total. More importantly, bisexual people are a thing? There should have been at least one female and one male bisexual romance options in game. So to make it al worse, the constraint in gay romance options is... awful. Why have 3 types of gender-related customization if you can’t use them if you want to romance someone? I’m a cishet female who plays as a cishet female first if given the option, but I’m still bothered for the queer community (which I’m still part of btw, since I’m in the ace spectrum). It feels like being trans is more of a fetish in Night City than a real trait.

Speaking of romances, I played River’s and I found it... bit of a lackluster. I don’t find him physically attractive (shaved head and no beard are not my thing) but his voice was pretty nice and I liked his personality despite being a cop. But the main downside was the way the game treats his romance. I knew I wasn’t going to get a BioWare-style romance, but V’s relationship with River was like a sidenote and once he’s romanced, there’s just no way to interact with him again. That perhaps is the same for the other romances but there’s no replayability, in a sense that there’s no way to talk to/kiss him again or replay the sex scene, for instance. It bothered me that the game forces V to say that “she’s too busy” and apologize to her boyfriend all the time, because *I* would’ve made time to visit if there was ingame acknowledgement of it. The worst bit is that I feel like River’s romance is the least polished of them all, because Panam and Judy play important roles in main quests and Kerry is pivotal to Johnny’s sidequests, while River is... just there (also more further on, regarding the ending). So the fact that he’s like the forgotten child in the romance section while being the only cishet female option is heartbreaking.

The silverlining is that, at least, the mistreated community was het females instead of gay females. Although, this is just another example of game devs thinking about male players first.

Now the good part: what I liked

The cars. I’m not a car enthusiast, I don’t enjoy driving in real life and I’m a terrible driver in games, but I fucking loved the cars in CP2077. The Caliburn was like my game baby, I had so much fun driving around and hearing the different engines for each car, and the differences in driving... it was awesome. I got and bought *all* the available cars for the sake of it, just because I liked them so much.

The story. I love games that get me invested and this one was definitely one of those. Falling for Jackie when I knew he was not gonna be around for long was an expected, but still perfectly excecuted punch to the gut. And Johnny’s guidance and company was something I was hyped about, but still played out even better than I though it would. So to my next point, Keanu Reeves. I was thrilled to play a game with Keanu in it and it blew my mind. Those reviews that pinpoint Keanu’s acting as the weak link in the game are fucking wrong, how else you expect to see (and hear) an angry, resentful man permanently stuck in time? Even worse, when he knows the people he hated the most managed to kill him? I wasn’t happy when I learned Johnny was not a romance option but after meeting him, I’m glad that’s the case. He’s the perfect antihero-turned-best-friend for V, if you can stand him.

Stealth and hacking. Most of the time I choose the option to play stealthy and this time it wasn’t just that, it was the option to use futuristic technology at the same time. I LOVED it. Quickhacking enemies instead of shooting them is so much fun. Enemy detection is a bit wonky at times but still, I enjoyed it much better than if it had been a plain shooter. And those guns with homing shots are so cool that I wanted to play them over sniper rifles, my usual go tos.

The characters. I got invested in V’s relationships, even if the romantic aspect wasn’t as great as it could’ve been. Friendship with Kerry and Panam, clousure for Judy and Rogue, mourning Jackie, being part of River’s family, so many the fixers in existance... and Johnny, my bff Johnny. Even Alt, with her somewhat little role, was great. I was promised a compelling story and deep characters, and I did get both.

The soundtrack. Overall it’s pretty great, but my favorite songs are those related to Samurai. And it’s not even because of my love for Johnny, I really do enjoy them for their musical content. Unironically my all time favorite is Johnny’s as well, Never Fade Away. I won’t exit a car or open the menu when that song is playing.

The easter eggs. From GlaDOS and Silence of the Lambs in the Delamain quests to the Matix-esque pills of the main storyline, to Hideo Kojima and the BB in a lab, “Harvest like a Reaper” and the many “You’re breathtaking!” references (Kerry’s take was my favorite), the game presents A LOT of pop culture nods and I’m here for it. Having real life content creators around for several levels of cameos was a nice touch as well.

So without mentioning the heavy spoilers (aka ending), in my opinion, Cyberpunk 2077 deserves a 9/10. Bugs are fixable and the story and characters carry the game on it’s own because they’re just too good. The main story is kinda short and I believe Johnny’s sidequests should be part of the main story, but I get why they are not mandatory if you want to roleplay a full on dislike towards the rockerboy. But still, there are some things related to gender and romance that are complete misfires. I hope that some of those will be fixed via patches (the character creator bits), but the lack of more romance options or at least bisexual NPCs obviously won’t be fixed and that’s what keeps CP2077 away from a perfect score in my book.

Now, regarding the endings:

The one thing that truly bothered me was that the Rogue one had no real goodbyes for V. She goes into a suicide mission in space and everyone’s post-credit messages complain she just disappeared without a trace? I get she’s dying and all, but, for fuck’s sake leave a message explaining it if you cared so much about them. The game *makes* you care about the characters but doesn’t give you an option to honor that love at the end.

Also, again, romances. I played both Rogue and Panam’s endings so I know there’s no way to have a happy ending with River, which is bittersweet and probably for the best that it happens with him since his romance seems to be the least engaging, but again that makes me feel cheated. Not that they parted ways in the Nomad ending (that was sad, but sad endings are not bad), but that there is no happy-ish ending romance wise for a cishet female. People who romanced Panam obviously stay together with her and those who romanced Judy do too from what I’ve read (and no idea about Kerry’s romance), but not getting that option if you choose to be female and go for a het romance takes away from the game. Sadly. Also my last interaction with River in Rogue’s ending was fucking terrible, I liked how poetic that ending was for Rogue and Johnny until I got to the rest of my V’s life.

(But I still headcanon that River eventually joined V with the Aldecaldos in my canon ending, aka the Nomads’, despite what he said. Since his post-credit message implies he might visit her and stuff.)

As for the rest of the ending... CP2077 clearly states that life isn’t happy and that there’re no happy endings for people who live in NC, so I like that no ending is completely happy since you are bound to die anyway, but. But. It’s somewhat disheartening that the overall arc can be resumed to “all that you did served for nothing, you’re still dying so your efforts were absolutely useless.” I really don’t see how to improve it without defaulting to a happy, sunshine-esque ending that fixes everything, so I don’t know. It still wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear at the end, so... I liked it but didn’t, at the same time. Ha.

And lastly, I hoped for endgame playability and there is none, you have to revert to an earlier save to keep playing. I get why it wasn’t done, to give a definitive end to V’s story in NC, but anyway. What I really liked about this choice was that no matter the ending, V becomes no one again. They will be forgotten by most people after a while either because they leave with the nomads or because they ‘disappear’, aka die in a blaze of glory in that casino in space. Or well, sell their soul to Arasaka or commit suicide on the rooftop.

So overall, I loved this game and critics are somewhat too harsh. But I agree there are some terrible design choices and a long way of bugfixing to get to the specific masterpiece that we were hoping for.

#cyberpunk 2077 #personal #ivy 'v' kerrigan #since she's in the pic #my v

7 notes · View notes

atamascolily · 5 years ago

Text

more CotJ meta, because apparently I cannot be stopped

I don't understand how essence transfer works in Children of the Jedi. It seems... wildly inconsistent depending on what is narratively convenient at the time.

I don’t know why Callista is able to make the jump from her original body to the Eye of Palpatine’s gunnery computers and then from the computers to Cray’s body without (much) issue, while poor Nichos couldn’t. Maybe it's because Callista had received secret Jedi training from her master that Nichos didn’t have access to? Or because it would interfere with Hambly’s plot to give Callista Cray’s body?

(I think we all know the answer to this, but I’m gonna go through all the arguments anyway.)

Luke does float the idea of Cray creating a droid-body for Callista to inhabit, which Cray and Callista both reject, but for wildly different reasons.

“You said Djinn Altis showed you—taught you—to transfer your self, your consciousness, your … your reality—to another object. You’ve done it with this ship, Callista. You’re really here, I know you are …”

“I am,” she said softly. “There’s enough circuitry, enough size, enough power in the central core. But a thing of metal, a thing programmed and digitalized, isn’t human, and can’t be human, Luke. Not the way I’m human now.”

So Callista’s argument is basically that a giant ship is big enough to contain her spirit, but a droid wouldn't be? How did Exar Kun manage this, then? I mean, granted, he was evil, and had low standards for ethics, but still... I don’t get it.

I get her main point here: she believes she's more "human" as a ghost than she would be as a droid, or with her spirit somehow “translated” as a series of zeros and ones, as Cray was somehow able to do with Nichos. And I can see why she wouldn’t want that kind of existence for herself. But I still don’t get how consciousness works in this novel, and why Callista can’t transfer herself--her real self--into a different object, the way she did before, instead of being “translated” by Cray into a digital copy.

This also begs the question of how much Callista's HUMAN spirit is influenced by thirty years in the computer core, which the novel doesn't address, but fics like Deaka's "Blue Screen" on FFN are fortunately there to fill the gap.

Here’s Cray’s take on Luke’s request to “fix” Callista:

“To turn her into what Nichos is? To cannibalize parts from the computers, wire together enough memory to digitalize her, so you can have the metal illusion around to remind you what isn’t yours—and can’t be yours? I can do that … if that’s what you want.”

...“Not the way you and I are human.” Cray came over to them, her blond hair catching fire glints in the greasy light. “Not the way Nichos was human. I should never have done it, Luke,” she went on. “Never have … tried to go up against what had to be. My motto was always ‘If it doesn’t work, get a bigger hammer.’ Or a smaller chip. Nichos …”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t remember dying, Luke. He doesn’t remember a switchover of any kind. And as much as I love … Nichos … as much as he loves me … I keep coming back to that. It isn’t Nichos. He isn’t human. He tries to be, and he wants to be, but flesh and bone have a logic of their own, Luke, and machinery just doesn’t think the same way.”

Her mouth twisted, her dark eyes chill and bitter as the vacuum of space. “If you want me to, I’ll make you something that’ll hold a digitalized version of her memories, her consciousness … But it won’t be the consciousness that’s alive on this vessel. And you’ll know it, and I’ll know it. And that digitalized version will know it, too.”

So Cray rejects it because she doesn’t want Luke to make the same mistake she did: of seeing a replica as the original. And she makes a point of calling herself out on her attachment to Nichos, so much so that she warped and twisted her life to try and hold onto to him when she couldn’t. And she’s telling Luke not to do the same thing with his own life--which he will of course ignore.

I'm used to thinking of identical digital files as interchangeable, but that's not the case here when you're downloading human consciousness. There's also this idea that the droid/digital versions isn't "real," which is also worth chewing on, but a whole 'nother philosophical debate in and of itself.

But Cray's other point is also worth considering: the body we inhabit has qualities of its own that are impossible to deny; they shape our experiences of the world. This is why I'm absolutely floored that nobody ever follows up on Callista's experiences in Cray's body--how she's able to just smoothly take over, and the only issue ("software bug"?) is that she can't access the Force. This is... probably not how it works. I wrote a fic about this, but it only scratched the surface of the story possibilities for dysphoria and "body-as-a-character".

(I solve this problem of essence transfer in other fics by arguing that it only works smoothly--i.e., with minimal dysphoria and a complete transfer of Force powers--if your spirit jumps to a physical clone of your original body. This explains why clone!Palpatine can access the Force, while Callista can't, because Cray's body 'recognizes' Callista's spirit as foreign to itself and is continually fighting her, so much so that all her Force abilities are tied up in holding her in that body--which is also Force-sensitive.)

Also, re: robot bodies and human consciousness, I’m reminded of a passage in Yeats’ “Sailing to Byzantium” here:

Once out of nature I shall never take My bodily form from any natural thing, But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make Of hammered gold and gold enamelling To keep a drowsy Emperor awake...

"Sailing to Byzantium" is all about what it means to be old in a failing body, right from the opening line--"That is no country for old men". And while it's poetry and there are a lot of ways to interpret, one valid take is that it's about shedding your bodily form to become a robot/artificial construct so you can live forever, and I have a lot of Feels about that in relationship to Star Wars. (Paging Anakin Skywalker!) But I digress.

Going back to CotJ. an additional problem is that any physical components will be carrying the malvirus of the Will:

“Thank you, Cray. And don’t think I’m not tempted. I love you, Luke, and I want … I want not to have to leave you, even if it means … being what I am now, forever. Or being what Nichos is now, forever. But we don’t have the choice. We don’t have time. And any components, any computers, you take from this ship, Cray, will have the Will in them as well.

I don’t know why she can’t jump to an object unconnected with the Will--like, say, her lightsaber. Isn’t Exar Kun using a big statue of himself as an anchor? I mean, it’s kinda of impractical compared to being inside a computer, but maybe it could be a temporary thing until Luke is able to build her a ship of her own??

(A lightsaber would be a really good choice as an anchor because of the kyber crystal inside, which Callista may or may not have a working relationship with if you hold them to be sentient or partially sentient beings...? There's fic potential there, that's all I'm saying.)

(As a further aside, in my Star Wars/Portal crossover “Testing Limits,” I postulate that the Will is a GLaDOs-like uploading of a human consciousness into digital form. I still believe that holds true for canon, even though there’s not much supporting evidence other than that the Will is set up as foil to Callista and it adds to the incredibly Gothic atmosphere. Either the Will is human consciousness, or it’s modeled after human consciousness for maximum Uncanny Valley effect because Luke is always describing it as having a presence and malevolent intentions, and Callista is always fighting it.)

So Barbara Hambly spends a lot of time establishing that Cray's body is the only viable (hah!) option for Callista, which will be important later on. But let's get back to Nichos for a minute, and his failure with essence transfer.

It's weird because at the beginning of CotJ, Cray talks about Nichos transferring his SPIRIT to the droid body using the Force and Ssi-ruuk entechment--which sounds eerily identical to what Callista did thirty years earlier--but they know something's wrong right away when Nichos can't use the Force. Cray's all "I can fix that, it's a technical difficulty!" but Luke knows better. Everyone knows, except for Cray.

I think THAT is the moment where Luke and Cray should have had a Talk, when it was absolutely clear to everyone that whatever Cray was doing hadn't worked--that she'd succeeded in making a digital copy, and the original Nichos was actually dead.

Instead, Cray buries all her considerable energy into "fixing" Nichos mechanically. She believes with enough research, she can shape the droid Nichos into a human being... which doesn't solve the fundamental problem and misses the point entirely.

He heard her voice, its usual brisk sharpness honed to the brittleness he’d heard in it more and more in the past six months...

“It’s really just a matter of finding a way to quadruple the sensitivity of the chips to achieve a pattern, instead of a linear, generator. ... Hayvlin Vesell of the Technomic Research Foundation spoke in an article of going back to the old xylen-based chips, because of the finer divisibility of information possible. When I return to the Institute—”

“That’s what I’m trying to impress on you, Dr. Mingla—Cray.” Tomla El’s voice was a murmuring concert of woodwinds. “This may not be possible no matter how finely you partition the information. The answer may be that there is no answer. Nichos may simply not be capable of human affect.”

“Oh, I think you’re wrong about that.” She’d gained back the smooth control in her voice. She might have been speaking to a professional colleague about programmatic languages. “Certainly a great deal more work needs to be done before we can dismiss the possibility. I’m told also that in experiments with accelerated learning, at a certain number of multiples of human learning capacity, tremendous breakthroughs can occur. I’ve signed up for another accelerator course, this one in informational patterning dynamics …”

Her voice faded down the corridor. A great deal more work, thought Luke, hurting for her, pressing his hand to his brow. It was Cray’s answer to everything. With sufficient effort, sufficient maneuvering, any problem could be surmounted, no matter what the cost to herself.

And the cost to herself, he knew, had been devastating.

I actually really like Cray's arc in this novel--that she's forced to drop the perfectionism and workaholism she uses to block her considerable pain, and comes to accept the situation as it is, and finds peace in doing so. I just wish this realization didn't culminate in assisted suicide, that's all.

(That said, this scenario gets 100% creepier if you imagine flipping the genders here--if “Dr. Mingla” was a male scientist resurrecting his female lover in a droid body. I wonder if Luke would have intervened sooner in that case, instead of just assuming Cray had everything under control because she was an expert?)

While we're on the subject of "by any means necessary" and "avoiding one's problems": in contrast to Cray, Callista's original decision to transfer her spirit to gunnery computer to watch over it is framed as laudable. But even there, there are hints all is not well:

“It wasn’t … so bad, after a time. Djinn had taught us, had theoretically walked us through, the techniques of projecting the mind into something else, something that would be receptive, to hold the intelligence as well as the consciousness, but he seemed to regard it as cowardly. As being afraid or unwilling to go on to the next step, to cross over to the other side. Once I was in the computer …”

I.e., there's a reason why essence transfer is mostly practiced by the Sith--because it's a kind of clinging to life, or a version of life, rather than embracing what is and moving on...

Also, I don't see anything in this explanation that requires computing capacity, as Callista will claim later, so... *shrugs* I don't know what's happening there. CotJ has this weird relationship between the Force and tech, where Luke can physically manipulate objects with his mind, even though the Force is only generated by "life", but Irek remote-starting the Eye of Palpatine or controlling Artoo-Detoo is seen as "impossible" and novel. And yes, Irek does have special training and tech augments to help him, and I like the implication this is a specialized skill, but...like I said at the beginning, I don't get how this all works except for “narrative convenience” and “authorial fiat”.

Anyway, CotJ strongly implies that Cray was misguided to cling to Nichos and to pursue "life" for him at all costs, for both Nichos and herself. Yet somehow when Callista does it, it's okay, because Luke loves her... even though Callista herself is way more ambivalent about what she's done, and her acknowledgment that

“Everything has to be paid for... I should have known there would be a risk... I might have guessed there would be a price.”

And I think that's one reason I like Children of the Jedi so much: that there IS a cost, that there ARE consequences, and not even magic space wizardry can fix or solve every problem. I like that Callista pays a price for the ethically dubious act she does--somewhat, but not entirely mitigated by circumstances, and by Cray's eagerness to participate in this (unprecedented?) experiment.

Also, you want more nightmare fuel? I just realized last night we only have Callista's word for what went down on the ship in its last moments--that, and it seems 100% in keeping with Cray's state of mind leading up to this, to the point where Luke was afraid to leave her alone because he was worried she was going to hurt herself. It gets even creepier when you realize Callista's ghost immediately volunteers to sit with Cray after Luke realizes this, and I can't help but wonder what happened between the two women when Luke isn't around to witness it.

Callista's account at the end makes it sound like Cray realized at the last minute that she wanted to follow him--that it was an impulsive decision, somewhere in between stunning Luke and stuffing him into the shuttle and the destruction of the Eye of Palpatine--but I wonder. I really wonder. Cray and Callista clearly had time to plan a "what if Luke doesn't cooperate?" scenario and leave a recording for him to find in the shuttle, so I wonder how exactly the whole "you can have my body, I don't want it" conversation went down. There's a fic in there for sure.

But even taking Callista 100% at her word, I like the irony that she chooses to go along with Cray's scheme in part because she's so in love with/emotionally attached to Luke (just as Cray can't let go of Nichos and Luke can't let go of Callista)--only to eventually realize that there's something she values more than her relationship with him, namely her own life, and her own relationship to the Force, which has always been a part of her life and is now "missing". Cray chooses to die for love, Callista chooses to live for love... only to set it aside, because LIFE is more important to her than her love for one specific human being... just like she sacrificed her own life to destroy the Eye, and left her first lover in the process... PARALLELS, Y'ALL. I LOVE ME SOME NARRATIVE FOILS, YO.

Anyway, this got long and rambling, but I believe my initial thesis that essence transfer is wildly inconsistent and the results depend almost entirely on narrative convenience still stands.

#star wars #Children of the Jedi #eu fuckery #SW meta #star war legends

37 notes · View notes

thefriendlyfaithplate · 5 years ago

Note

GLaDOS,, , 👉👈

favorite thing about them

big robot telling me mean things and being sarcastic and funny while she does it... Hell Yeah

least favorite thing about them

though i've thought it over by now and figured out a way to make it work in the end i was highkey disappointed when i first finished portal 2 and she just, told me/chell to fuck off and never come back haha

favorite line

"It was YOUR voice." - when she's talking to wheatley at the end of chapter 5 and figures out who he is, i love the delivery on it

brOTP

chell and wheatley. love me a group of unlikely friends with a common history unique to them that makes them stick together

OTP

im not much of a, sh!pper i guess for the lack of a better word... her and chell is probably the only thought i entertain, but even then it has to be done very specifically to appeal to me haha

nOTP

wheatley. i cannot see them ever having a functional and happy relationship, one or both of them would be miserable and it'd just end up like a boomer marriage tbh

random headcanon

her favorite flowers are daffodils but she would never admit to liking flowers in the first place

unpopular opinion

she doesn't treat atlas and p-body as her kids but rather some kind of, extensions? caricatures? of chell and wheatley

song i associate with them

reveries by radical face. literally can't not think about her when i hear it.

favorite picture of them

i know this meant probably like a screenshot or something but i couldn't find any good ones so i'll just say this art i made a while ago, im happy with the amount of detail i put into it haha

#thanks for sending this! :D #glados

15 notes · View notes

fic-xation · 5 years ago

Text

First of Many

During a night of cards at the Inventory, Sam recounts the events leading up to his and Max’s first wedding.

Archive

“Soooo... Can I ask you guys a question?"

Brock and Ash exchanged an eye roll.

Claptrap ALWAYS seemed to have a question in regards to Sam and Max.

"Shoot." Sam said with a shrug, tossing a pair of chips towards the center. He never minded the little unicycle-dumpster-fire's innate lack of tact. In fact, he found a lot of Claptrap's mannerisms similar to Max's. The high-pitched voice, the manic eccentricity, the endearing vulgarity...

'... God Lord, do I have a type?' he suddenly thought.

"... What exactly ARE you guys?" Claptrap asked, his processed voice cutting through Sam's somewhat horrific epiphany. Sam, giving his head a stirring little shake, looked towards Claptrap curiously.

"... Like... our species?" he paused, before shrugging. "Well, as far as I know, I'm just your run-of-the-mill anthropomorphic Irish Greyhound. Max, on the other hand-"

"No, no." Claptrap gave his claw dismissively. "I mean, like, your relationship. Are you guys just friends, or dating, or nerf-buddies, or...?" he trailed off, visibly cowering under Brock's disapproving glare.

"Knock it off, Johnny Five, that ain't our business to know."

Claptrap's light flared up almost at once.

"Oh-!" he seethed. "Don't go givin' me that 'holier-than-thou' crap!" Angrily, his lens flitted between Brock and Ash. "We were ALL thinkin' it!"

Sam's brows shot up.

"... Really? ALL of you? ... Even GlaDOS?" he gestured towards the ceiling, and, as if on cue, the ivory skeletal frame of the Aperture AI lowered herself to the table.

"~Quite frankly, I don't really care one way or another.~" she chimed, her yellow sensor unnervingly affixed to Sam's face. "~But even I have to admit, you fail to follow the standard routine of a normal mammalian courtship... But then again, you two are not normal mammals, so I suppose it's just as well...~"

And with one graceful bow, she slid back up towards the ceiling.

"... Gee-" Max said, at long last looking over from his usual booth. "I didn't realize our personal life was such a hot button issue."

Ash leaned back against his chair with a sigh. "... Well, can ya blame us? You two are about as inseparable as me n' my chainsaw. Ordinarily, I'd just say you were real good buddies, but..." he shrugged. "I dunno, it's hard to tell with you whackos."

Sam, somewhat hot under the collar, readjusted his tie.

"... Well, since the whole room seems compelled to put me on the spot, I may as well say it." He glanced over his shoulder, briefly sharing a reaffirming smile with Max. "... Max and I are recently divorced."

... If if it weren't for the soft ambience of smooth jazz, one could've heard a pin drop.

Finally, after a prolonged moment of flabbergasted stares, Brock was the first to speak, carefully keeping his eyes to the minuscule font of his cigarette pack.

"... I'm, uh... I'm sor-"

"WHAT THE #@*&?!" Claptrap screeched, standing up against his wheel. "YOU TWO WERE MARRIED?! LIKE... LEGALLY?! IN FRONT OF GOD?! ... AND THEN YOU JUST... BROKE UP?! BUT YOU'RE STILL FRIENDS?! ... Not to indulge in a harmful stereotype towards robots, but... DOES NOT COMPUTE, MAN! DOES. NOT. FREAKIN'. COMPUTE!"

He then fell back against his chair, his servos evidently spinning.

"... Subtle." Ash quipped, raising his glass in a mock toast. Sam, however, looked confused.

"Broke up? ... What're you talking about? Max and I haven't broken up; we're just as in love now as we've ever been."

"We're just not married." Max continued, hopping up onto Sam's lap. He'd ultimately grown bored at listening in from a distance. Besides, these bozos were finally discussing a worthwhile subject... Him and Sam!

Now it was the table's turn to look confused. Once again, Brock's voice came first.

"... Okaaaaay, ya lost me."

"It's not that complicated, really." Sam said, offering the trio a bemused little smile. "See, every so often, Max and I get a divorce just so we can experience the pleasure of marrying each other all over again."

"Like buyin' a new pair of shoes once the old ones wear out!" Max piped up.

"Or, at least, that's what we ASSUME buying shoes is like." Sam added, helping himself to a sip of root beer.

Another bewildered silence fell over the room.

"... Wait, so-" Ash leaned his elbows against his table, pointedly staring towards the odd couple. "... Exactly how often does this happen?"

"Oh, we're on marriage number twelve now, actually." Sam beamed, seemingly oblivious to the stupefied silence over the remaining players.

Claptrap's lens fidgeted uneasily. "... That's like... romantic, bordering on masochism..."

"Ro-Masochism." Ash offered.

"... Okay, so-" Brock smothered the end of his cigarette against an ash tray. "I can understand wantin' to marry the same person over and over again-"

"Really?" Claptrap glanced over.

"... Well, not really, but I can humor 'em." he shrugged. "... No, what I don't get is, why go to all that trouble? ... Repeatedly, no less. I mean... wouldn't it be easier just to renew your vows and leave it at that?"

"Yeah, we don't believe in that baloney." Max scoffed, folding up Sam's cards into an origami swan. "I mean, what's the point in setting up a fake wedding if you're ALREADY married? It's a total sham."

"A disgrace to the sacred institute." Sam added solemnly.

"Here-Here!" Max proclaimed, shooting the paper swan towards Ash. He caught it almost at once, crushing it between his metallic fist, and dropping it to the floor.

"... Well, I guess I fold." Sam said, scratching his ear. "Pun not intended, of course."

Max rolled his eyes. "Liar."

"So... wait-" Ash held up his hand, drawing the conversation back on track. "Just how the hell can you n' Thumper afford eleven consecutive weddings? I'll admit, my experience with this sorta thing is limited-"

"Yeah-!" Claptrap broke in. "His last fiance wasn't exactly top-shelf material!"

"... In ANY case-" Ash continued through gritted teeth, as Brock slammed his steely fist against the robot's flat top. "Doesn't all that ceremony get pretty expensive after a while?"

"Not at all," Sam said, watching as Claptrap clattered to the floor like an oversized soup can. "Ya just gotta know how to economize."

"We're good friends with the president," Max said, absentmindedly picking at his nose. "And I'M a registered Minister, according to Nebraska. So, we never have to bother with hiring an officiant."

"Not to mention, we get most of our essentials from Bingo's Birthday Bonanza." Sam added. "Balloons, cups, goodies bags-"

"And of COURSE, the cake!" Max bounced a little at the thought. "Last year, it had a dinosaur motif. THIS time, though, I'm thinkin' more... Race car. What do YOU think, Sam?"

"Can't think of a reason NOT to," Sam smiled, tenderly setting his hand between Max's ears.

Brock scratched at his nose. "... So, basically, this whole routine is just an excuse to throw multiple parties in which you two knuckleheads are the centerpiece."

Sam and Max exchanged a look.

"More or less," Sam shrugged.

"Isn't that just a wedding is, though?" Max asked.

Brock had no choice but to chuckle, shaking his head lightly. "Touche."

"Ooh!" piped Claptrap, as he awkwardly clambered back onto his chair. "Here's a question for ya! You two got this whole crazy-train system down to a science... but what about your first run-through, huh? How'd THAT go down?"

"... What, our first wedding, you mean?" Sam asked, a little surprised.

"Hey, yeah!" Ash nodded. "Knowin' you two, that must've been nuts..."

"More importantly, who asked first?" Brock shot Sam a slight smirk. "My money's on ol' Rover Romeo over here."

Sam suddenly gave an embarrassed sort of laugh, shyly averting the table's curious eyes as he turned his muzzle to the side.

"... Well, it's, uh... It's actually a funny story..."

"Oh!" Max clapped his hands together excitedly, glancing up towards Sam. "Can I tell 'em, Sam? Can I, can I, can I?"

Sam paused, before easing back against his chair with a soft smile.

"Sure, buddy. Knock yourself out."

Squealing in delight, Max took to the center of the table, clearing his throat theatrically.

"... Well... it all began on a dark and stormy night..."

The rain lashed the ancient cobblestones of our victorian manor like the cruel tongue of an unforgiving governess. I, clad in nothing more than my scandalously sheer negligee, sat alone in my bed chamber, coyly plucking at my harp like a fluffy siren of yore. There was a CRASH of lightning, when suddenly, my door FLEW open with enough force to rattle the chandelier! I gasped, retreating to my bedspread in an effort to save my modesty, but Sam strolled in all the same, beads of rain still fresh against his unkempt fur.

"Max-!" he cried. "I can't STAND it any longer! Your tender touch, your delicate fur, and the THROBBING of your MASSIVE-"

Sam's hat came down like a burlap sack over Max's head, silencing him almost at once.

"... You'll have to forgive my associate." Sam mumbled, shades of red visibly peering through his fur as he dragged Max back towards his lap. "... He, uh... He's been taking some creative writing classes as of late."

"No kidding!" Claptrap announced, ever the enthusiast. "If I had a stomach, I'd be barfing it inside out!"

"... Yeah, that was..." Ash squirmed slightly.

"Gross." Brock concluded.

"... I was gonna say HEART, in case anyone was wondering!" Max shouted, slightly muffled through the material of Sam's stretched-out cap. "... Sheesh, people, get your minds outta the gutter!"

"How's about you let ME tell the story, buddy?" Sam said gently, finally freeing Max from the hat's pincer grip. He gasped for air only once, before shrugging.

"Eh, works for me. That was only a first draft, anyway."

"Much obliged." Sam turned to address the table. "So! You gentlemen ready to enter a proper flashback?"

"Hold it-" Brock held up a hand, stone faced. "Will there be any mention of the word 'negligee?'"

"... Not that I can recall." Sam said, quite honestly.

"Alright then." Brock lit the end of his cigarette. "Continue."

"... Well-" Sam gave the ceiling a ponderous glance, leaning his chair against its back two legs. "... I suppose the the REAL story starts with us cowering behind a tire pile in the city dump."

"And we're startin' off strong!" Max grinned.

~~ "I can't believe that innocent toxic waste mutated New York's over abundance of garbage into a monsterous, (yet vaguely effeminate,) shape!" Sam exclaimed, checking his gun for any remaining ammo.

"Ooh, lovely exposition Sam!" Max said, his back to the rubber wheeled wall. "I just can't believe she wants ME to be her King of Crap! ... Why ME of all people?

"Could be your smell," Sam proposed, cocking the cylinder back into place. "Second only to her, you're the foulest thing in New York."

"... Saaa-aaam..." giggled Max, coyly cupping his hands to his face. "How am I suppose to concentrate on a life or death situation if you keep flirtin' with me?"

Sam felt himself flush slightly.

Why were Max's obvious jokes beginning to rub him the wrong way?

Suddenly, Max's ears began to twitch. Dropping the act, he hurriedly peered out from behind the mountain of discarded tires.

"She's comin' back!" he hissed.

Instinctively, Sam threw his arm around the rabbit as if shielding him from a bomb, and the two promptly ducked.

The putrid air of the city dump was suddenly made even worse, as the mucilaginous form of the twelve-foot garbage wench (or 'beldump,' as Max'd taken to calling her,) slithered by like a slug. She then paused, raising her misshapen head, as her divot-nostrils curiously flexed at the air.

Wordlessly, Sam threw both arms around Max, drawing him to his core as if suddenly desperate for a hug. Max, more than surprised, was thrown against his partner's chest like a ragdoll.

... His sensitive ears picked up the heavy hammer of Sam's distressed pulse, while the full weight of his heavy arms squeezed against Max's back...

Max, in spite of his best efforts, felt an odd warmth rise against his cheeks.

The beldump, with a disappointed sort of grumble, soon began to meander away.

Sam sighed, slowly loosening his grip on Max.

"... S-sorry..." he breathed, wiping at his forehead. "... I, uh... I had to hide your scent-"

"G-gee, Sam-!" Max broke in, smiling frantically. "... i-if ya wanted to cuddle, all ya had to do was ask!"

He laughed, though it was a far cry from his typical mischievous titter.

Sam's brow furrowed. "... Are you blushing?"

Max's ears shot up like corn stalks.

"... N-no!" he seethed, suddenly anxious to get away. "... It's... it's your stupid cologne! ... It's givin' me a rash!"

'Funny, considering I don't even WEAR cologne,' Sam was about to point out, when an idea suddenly came to mind. He quickly began to loosen his tie, before slipping off his jacket

Max's "rash" only worsened. "S-Sam, what're you- oof!"

Sam slapped his hat between Max's ears.

"This'll mask your smell." he said, affixing his loose-fitting tie to Max's throat. "Or, at the very least, it'll buy me some time to lure the beldump away."

He gently drew his jacket around Max's shoulders like a blanket, before plucking out a small tuft of fur. Max winced.

"Hey!"

"This should be adequate bait."

Gently holding the lock between his fingers, Sam stood up, and carefully surveyed the landscape.

"... Okay, lil' buddy. You just hunker down here 'till I get back."

Max's face suddenly dawned with distraught realization.

"... You're leaving me?"

Sam looked down. Underneath all that bulky clothing, Max suddenly appeared so much smaller. Any other time, that might've been amusing, but now...

It just broke Sam's heart.

"Only for a minute." Taking a knee, Sam offered his gentlest smile, in spite of Max stubbornly refusing to meet his eye. "Just long enough to draw her into the city."

Max, however, kept his eyes to the dirt, practically pouting.

Sam sighed. He knew what that expression meant. They'd made a unspoken agreement never to be separated for too long. Not after... well... everything that'd happened recently...

In a rare moment of tactile tenderness, Sam curled a finger beneath Max's chin, guiding his gaze upward.

"... I PROMISE I'll come back." he said softly, practically a whisper. Cupping it with a chuckle, he added, "After all, I got YOU to come back to, right?"

Max said nothing... He simply stared, as slack-jawed as a blind man seeing color for the first time.

... If this were a movie, the sacrificial hero might've planted a peck against his lover's forehead, either as reassurance, or goodbye.

But this wasn't a movie... And Max certainly wasn't his lover.

Compromising, Sam sweetly scratched at Max's drooped ear, before standing back up. Once he was sure the coast was clear, he made to run, when all at once, he felt Max scaling up the front of his shirt like an anxious reptile.

"Marry me." he said stoutly, looking positively fevered.

Sam scowled. He'd had his fill of cheap jokes for the evening. "... Max, c'mon, don't-"

"I'm not kidding," he croaked, his hands grasping at Sam's collar for support. "Please, Sam... marry me. Like... right now. I don't wanna be with anyone else. I don't think I CAN be with anyone else. Losing you the first time was..." he broke off, trails of tears and snot running down his face. "... Well, it sucked. Like, a lot." he finally choked. "... But the worst part was... I finally realized just how crazy I was about you... But you were dead!"

He then began to laugh, but something in it made Sam cringe... It was a high, unsettling, hysterical laugh... Different from his usual variety, anyway.

There was no joy in it.

"Isn't that hilarious?" he continued. "And what's even funnier? ... I actually got a second chance to tell you how I felt... and I STILL chickened out! And now you're leaving me AGAIN, and... and..." he quickly dissolved into a fit of laughter and sobs, clinging to Sam's shirt with no intention of letting go.

... Needless to say, Sam was more than shocked... The same three shrieking words seemed to reverberate against his addled brain.

... How I felt... How I felt... How I felt...

... Funny. He wasn't nearly as shocked as one would think. If anything, Sam felt a kind of... serenity settle over him.

He'd known it, without knowing it...

... Max loved him... Max'd loved him for a good while now...

Of course he did... Of course he did! It was too damn obvious! It practically went without saying! And... and...

'... Holy hotpot party hosted by a Hostess Hoho...' thought Sam. '... I think I might love him back.'

"Officiate."

Max looked up, his face a mess of varying fluids. "... W... what?"

"You're a high priest, remember?"

Sam then flinched. Of course Max wouldn't remember, HE never experienced that.

".... N-no...?" he sniffled hesitantly. "... But I AM a registered minister, according to Nebraska."

Sam smiled, briefly relieved, before glancing around. Spotting a rubber band off to the side, he snatched it up, before twining it around the middle finger of Max's left hand.

"If you think I wouldn't want marry you, right here and now, you're even crazier than I thought."

Prying Max from his shirt, Sam set him down, and took both hands.

"Don't even bother asking anything," he said quickly, smiling a little. It was one of the few instances Max was ever lost for words. "You already know I do. I do a thousands times over, and twice on Sundays; never to anyone else but you."

"... D-ditto.." Max said at last, grinning incredulously. "... Th-then... I guess... b-by the power vested in me by the state of Nebraska, I now pronounce us-"

He didn't even have time to finish the sentence before he and Sam began to kiss.

It was the kiss of a thousand unsaid longings, the kiss of sweet, relinquished grief. It was cathartic, practically euphoric-

"- and the first of many to come." Sam concluded, beaming towards the wide-eyed faces of the Inventory regulars.

Ash huffed a short, disbelieving laugh, shaking his head. "So you two professed your love, got engaged, and then married, all within the span of a few short minutes..."

"In the middle of a stinky landfill, no less!" Claptrap added.

"Just for the record-!" Max said quickly. "Sam was TOTALLY exaggerating my little proposal. I was doing doughnuts on a tricked-out motorcycle, and tossed him a ring made out of pure gold. It was the smoothest thing in the world, and I did NOT cry!"

"~Max's temperature seems to be rising at an alarming rate.~" GladOS's voice rolled out coolly. "~Perhaps he is suffering another rash outbreak?~"

The table broke into a bout of good-natured laughter, as Max folded his arms grumpily. He already knew he'd never hear the end of that...

"So whatever happened to the garbage monster?" Brock asked, still smiling.

"Oh, that-" Sam waved his hand dismissively. "That was easy. Using the scent of Max's hair, I lead her back to our office. Once there, she immediately fell in love with the trash congregating in our workspace, and took that as her husband rather than Max."

"They then moved to Detroit to live among their own kind!" Max sighed, fluttering his eyelids. "It was like the ending to a fairytale..."

"Yeah, that's... one way of putting it." Ash mumbled.

"And how long was it before ya decided to get re-married? Claptrap asked.

"Three days." Sam answered, leaning forward to dig through his pocket. Fishing out his wallet, he opened it up to reveal a small photo guarded by a sheet of plastic. "We knew we wanted our second wedding to be a lil' more formal, so we pulled out all the stops." he pointed towards the lavish church setting, as well as Max's uncharacteristically grandiose top hat and tux.

"... Nice dress," Brock remarked with a sneer.

"I know, I know..." Sam smiled sheepishly. "It's a little old-fashioned, but it belonged to my Granny, and she insisted on me wearing it."

"Plus, she n' Sam have the same cuddly corpulent build, so it was an easy fit!" Max chimed in. Sam, rolling his eyes, pushed him to the floor.

"Well-" Brock raised his glass. "Cheers to your divorce, I suppose."

"And may many more follow!" Ash said, joining the toast.

Claptrap, however, remained motionless.

"... Does it bother anyone that the six of us guys just spent the last half-hour discussing marriage and weddings like an old sewing-circle?"

The table traded looks.

"Not really."

"No."

"Not even remotely!"

"'Course not."

"... Alright, just checking!" Claptrap held up his sippy-cup. "To Sam and Max!"

"To Sam and Max!"

"Ya know-" Sam said, as he and Max barreled along their the long stretch of their familiar street. It was a perfect night for reckless driving. "We oughta invite our poker buddies to our next wedding."

"Oh, HELL yeah!" Max said, nodding vigorously. "It wouldn't be a dream wedding without 'em! Ooh-!" he grabbed at Sam's arm, nearly swerving the Desoto into an oncoming truck. Sam pivoted back almost at once, heart thudding, but smiling all the same.

"Think we could get GladOS to sing at our reception?" Max bobbed excitedly against his seat. "I would, and CAN, kill for her to do Nat King Cole!"

"We'll havta ask next time we see her, buddy." Sam chuckled, sparing a hand to pet at Max's head. "Though, personally, I wouldn't mind meetin' some of YOUR old card sharks... 'Specially that wrestler fellow, uh... What was his name?" Sam snapped his fingers rhythmically. "String bean?"

"Strong Bad. But PLEASE, call him String Bean once you finally get to meet him!" Max giggled. "I have GOT to see how that goes down."

Sharply rounding a corner, the two finally skidded their car into its usual spot, halfway hunched atop the curb adjacent to their building.

Making their way up the stairs, they soon found themselves in the comfortable chaos of their office. (Naturally, it didn't them long to re-accumulate all the garbage swept away by the beldump.)

"Well, that depends-" Max shrugged, as he and Sam crossed into one of the more residential rooms. Flopping down onto the patchwork couch, Max made an immediate snag for the remote. "When're you gonna propose already?"

"Guess I'm just waiting for the right occasion. Timing is everything, ya know. Here, scooch over."

With a sigh, Sam helped himself to a seat beside Max, and the two finally settled on something to watch.

"Ooh! Robot Terror From Beyond the Galaxy!" Max curled up against Sam's leg, and Sam, smiling contentedly, rested a hand to his back.

"Hope we haven't missed too much."

"Nah," Max shook his head. "We haven't even gotten to the marrow-suckers yet."

Sam nodded, and then glanced over. His partner's eyes were beginning to droop, and Sam wondered whether or not Max was about to fall asleep.

"... Hey, Max-" Sam whispered, lightly jostling the lagomorph's head. "... You wanna get married?"

Max chuckled, tucking his hands beneath his head as his eyes closed in full.

"... Well, DUH, Sam... A thousand-" he cut himself off with a yawn. "... A thousand times over, and twice on Sundays..."

Sam, with a warm smile, leaned over, planting a soft kiss to Max's forehead.

"You're the light of my life, lil' buddy."

#Thanks for reading!#Sam and Max #Sam and Max Freelance Police #Freelance Husbands #Poker Night 2 #Ash Williams #Claptrap #Brock Sampson #GladOS #slight angst #Sam and Max telltale spoilers #only slightly though #fanfic #fanfiction

173 notes · View notes

canadian-riddler · 5 years ago

Text

The Girlfriend Part Six.

Synopsis: Claptrap knows this relationship is worth it. Now he’s just gotta convince her of that.

AO3 || fanfiction.net || Wattpad

They had some really good sex after that.

He wasn’t sure what had changed, exactly, but if someone had made him guess he would’ve said she had actually started getting into it. She kinda hadn’t, before, as though it was some sort of thing she needed to do but didn’t really like doing. She seemed cool with it now, though. It was so good, in fact, that the last time he’d actually had to stop her because he’d thought he was gonna pass out. Both of those things were kinda embarrassing, but he’d had to make a snap decision there and he had really not wanted to crash in front of his girlfriend for a reason like that.

He’d expected her to get mad about it, or annoyed at least, but she was neither! She just asked what was going on, and when he told her she laughed for about three straight minutes.

“You’re uh… taking this surprisingly well,” said Claptrap, and she tilted her core in a really adorable way and said,

“Aw. Was I too much for you?”

in such a way that it instantly became the sexiest thing he had ever heard. He didn’t even realise he’d zoned out there until she said his name a little louder than she usually talked.

“Huh?” he asked, unable to remember what he’d been doing.

“You stopped responding for a minute.”

“Oh,” he answered. “Yeah, I uh… gotta admit, you’ve gotten pretty intense.”

“Have I?” she asked, sounding amused.

“Ohhh have you ever,” said Claptrap. “You went from the bare minimum to the whole nine yards. I’m not complainin’, but you are a lot… um… more than me.”

“I thought that was part of why you liked me so much.”

“It is!” he said insistently, even though she didn’t sound bothered in the slightest. “C’mon, babe, we’re comparing a windmill to a nuclear power plant here.”

“Your power isn’t generated by a windmill,” she said, laughing.

“And yours isn’t generated by a nuclear power plant! It was an – “

“Actually, it is,” interrupted GLaDOS. “It is generated by a nuclear power plant.”

He stared up at her, dumbfounded. “… well this place has got just about everything, hasn’t it.”

“Just about,” said GLaDOS, as though she’d taken the question very seriously.

“But no mirrors,” Claptrap said. “I have not seen myself in weeks.”

“Why would you want to?” GLaDOS asked. “You look the same as you did when you first came here.”

He shrugged. “’cause I like looking at myself? Don’t you?”

“The thought has never crossed my mind.”

“To… to look at yourself?”

“Yes,” said GLaDOS, nodding. “I have no idea what I look like.”

Claptrap wasn’t even sure how to process this news. How did someone live their whole life without knowing that? “Really?”

She shook her core. “There isn’t really a means for me to do so. I also have no idea where my blueprints are.”

“Well… if you want, we could… I could show you. I’ve got uh… pictures.” She probably already knew about that, but he’d heard stories about guys who did that kinda thing without their girl’s permission, so he hadn’t exactly been motivated to just bring it up. She considered him for a long moment, then shook her head again.

“No. I’d rather not.”

“But why?” Ohhhh. Ohhhh, wait. “You’re not worried that you’re gonna hate what you see, are you? ‘Cause it’s pretty great, I promise. I tell you you’re hot all the time ‘cause you really are, not just ‘cause I want you to have sex with me.”

“Oh, no,” GLaDOS said. “I mean, think about it. I’m the best at everything, so logically I must also be the best-looking, too. No, it’s because no matter what I do end up seeing, it will never match whatever it is you see.”

That sounded all smart and deep and stuff. Must’ve been why he didn’t get it. “Huh?”

She looked off to the side, to give herself a minute to think maybe. “I like having you tell me, without having anything to compare it to. You said I was the most beautiful girl in the universe.”

“You are!” She didn’t think he’d been lying, did she? But she just nodded once.

“Exactly. That’s all I need to know. Seeing what I look like will just ruin it. I’m happy being told what you think without actually knowing what you’re talking about.”

“Aw, honey-RAM,” Claptrap said. “That’s –“

“Also, I don’t care,” interrupted GLaDOS with finality, and then she told him it was time for one of his shows and if he wanted to watch it he had better shut up and pay attention. He did want to do that, but he also really wanted to know how you could just not care what you looked like. He wanted to know so bad that he just could not pay attention and asked, “GLaDOS, why don’t you care?”

“Hm?”

“About what you look like? How can you not care?”

“Oh,” she answered. “It’s not important. That’s why I don’t care.”

“How is it not important if your chassis is the thing that made me want to come here in the first place?” Claptrap asked.

“You are the one who placed value on my appearance,” GLaDOS told him. “Not me.”

… oh. That did make sense.

“Neither my knowing nor my caring would have changed what you did,” she continued.

His next question he wasn’t sure if he wanted an answer to, but he said anyway, “Do you… think I’m handsome?”

“Yes,” she said without pause, which helped a lot, “but since I can’t see you most of the time anyway I’m not sure why that matters.”

“It just… makes me feel better about myself,” he mumbled to the floor, rubbing the hand he had on her core in a wobbly circle. “But you don’t get it ‘cause you don’t care.”

“A fact you should be very glad of,” GLaDOS declared, “because I wouldn’t be half so attractive to you if I had your non-existent self-esteem.”

“So… I don’t get it. I’m stupid, I hate myself, and you only know where I am half the time by the sound of my voice, which we both know isn’t the most soothing thing in the world. What exactly do you see in me?”

She didn’t answer for a long time. Then she turned to look at him and said,

“There are two things in particular: you’re extremely patient and you’re quite a lot of fun. When spoken out loud, they don’t seem like much, but in practise… they’re very important traits for you to have.”

“Fun’s one thing,” said Claptrap, “even if no one’s ever used that word to describe me before. But patient? Isn’t that kinda… boring?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed by now,” GLaDOS told him, “that I am very stubborn and reluctant to change.”

“I noticed that like… the first week,” Claptrap said.

“Exactly. Most people would have given up. You didn’t. You were willing to wait. And before you tell me you did that because you don’t exactly have a lot of options, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you did make that decision.”

He wasn’t sure what to do with that. Him? Patient? He’d chalked a lot of this up to ‘desperation’, himself, but… she’d literally just said that she didn’t care about his perception of himself. She didn’t even care about his perception of her. She just… made all her decisions without caring about any of that. The only things that mattered were what made sense to her.

That was… kinda a cool way to live. He couldn’t even imagine the kind of balls it had to take to not give a damn about what anybody else thought. About anything. It almost seemed like… a superpower. But at the same time, wasn’t it… a good thing to care what people thought of you? Just a little bit? Because if you didn’t, then weren’t you… super biased? He had no problem with GLaDOS being a big fan of herself, but if she cared even a little bit what he thought, then… wouldn’t that make her even better? Him caring what she thought had definitely made him a little better, because it made him want to – wait a minute. If she didn’t care at all, why had she even brought up that he’d said she was the most beautiful – aha! She totally cared. She just didn’t want him to know that. Because… because she was ‘very stubborn and reluctant to change’, and if he knew he had gotten her to change her mind the tiniest bit, she thought he’d try to make her do it more often.

Maybe it even really did matter that he was handsome, and she just didn’t want to admit it. Because that would mean she did care, which she wanted to pretend she didn’t do! Yeah. Yeah, that sounded right.

Man, them together were really like… the two extreme opposites of the same person. How long would they have to hang around each other before they kinda… met in that middle she’d talked about way back when? Would he even last that long? Maybe they’d be kinda in sync one day but right now… right now they were still pretty far apart.

Well… he’d been pretty patient so far. He could stick it out for… however long he had to.

“Do you want me to turn this off?” GLaDOS was asking, and he jumped back around so he was facing the monitor and put his hand back where it belonged on the side of her core.

“Nope! I’m watching!”

He had a few shows to catch up on and she usually didn’t let him watch them all at once, but when the first one ended she put the next one on without saying anything at all. That was certainly weird, but he decided to just roll with it and not say anything either.

“Claptrap,” GLaDOS said very casually after about ten minutes, “suppose I did love you. Just a little bit.”

Oh damn.

He really wanted to start telling her how great that was and how much he loved her, but he made himself think about what she’d said when he’d said it: she didn’t want it to be a big deal. The way he wanted to react to her saying it was the total opposite of what she wanted him to do. So he wasn’t gonna do it. He was just going to… to do what she would have done if she hadn’t freaked out. She would’ve been calm and reasonable and chill about it. So he was gonna be calm and reasonable and chill about it.

“That’d be cool, I guess,” Claptrap said, shrugging.

She nodded to herself in what seemed to be satisfaction, and he felt super relieved, as though he’d passed some sort of test. A test he kind of… felt like he didn’t want to have passed. Claptrap had a girlfriend that loved him. And instead of being super happy and excited about it like he really, really wanted to be, he had to just… pretend he didn’t care.

Well… she had said ‘just a little bit’, so… so maybe he’d be able to be happy about it later. When she really meant it. By the time she was ready, she’d be cooler with him making a big deal out of stuff. He just had to keep on being patient. He could do that. He knew he could do that.

Trying to keep all those thoughts to himself came back to bite him later, though, because they were just chilling and playing video games when it really got to him just what a great life he was having and how awesome it all was and how he’d never thought he’d have anything like this. One second he was just next to her, trying his darnedest to beat her in the race onscreen even as she taunted him with the fact she could effortlessly hold the perfect line every time, and the next he was crying. Oh, s***. He tried to stop before she noticed, which was pretty gosh darn impossible because as soon as he started she paused the game and just looked at him.

“I’m okay,” he said, even though he knew that wasn’t gonna fly with her.

“You’re… crying.”

“Yeah.” He put down the controller and did his best to clean out his eye. “I dunno why this happens. It just does, sometimes. It’ll go away in a minute.” He hoped.

“That’s a strange feature.”

“Sure is,” he said, hoping she would shut up about it because even thinking about crying made it worse.

“Are you sad?”

“No!” he protested, finally looking at her. She didn’t think this was her fault, did she? Well, it was. But in the best way ever. “No, babe, I’m crying because I’m happy.”

“Why would you cry if you were happy?” she asked, sounding confused, and he really didn’t know how to answer that because he didn’t get it either. He shrugged and wiped at his eye again, mostly to give his hands something to do.

“I dunno. I’ve never been this happy before.”

“Oh,” GLaDOS said, very softly. “Would you… do you want a hug?”

“Really?” he said, hardly able to believe his luck when she nodded, and man it felt so good. But the flip side was that he started crying again, and he didn’t wanna cry on her so he was gonna let go, really he was, but then she pressed herself into his chassis really hard and that just made it worse. Now he had to hug her as hard as he could because she was just trying to hard to be nice even though she probably hated this, like, a whole lot, and gosh he just loved her so much and she made him so happy…

He really hoped she would just let him hug her for a while until he’d got a handle on all that stuff. Because it was a lot. Kinda scary, actually, like if he let go of her it would just kinda overwhelm him something awful. He wasn’t sure what that would do, but it probably wouldn’t be good.

“This won’t last forever, you know,” GLaDOS murmured.

“What?” Claptrap asked, horrified even though he knew they really couldn’t hug forever.

“I’ve been doing some reading,” GLaDOS said. “Relationships start like this. Where everything is perfect and new. But it doesn’t last. Things turn sour. Quirks become intolerable. What once was neutral ground becomes a warzone. Even your favourite things about the other person begin to feel insufficient. All honeymoons draw to a close.”

What… no. No no no. It sounded like she wanted to break up, but… she couldn’t! What was she even talking about!? This was never going to end! She was perfect and he was… well… that wasn’t important. He pushed away from her in a panic. “What’re you trying to say?” he demanded.

“I’m saying,” GLaDOS answered, “that the next stage of this relationship will be hard. Perhaps too hard.”

“For… who?” he asked, utterly confused. “You just told me how patient I was! Babe, I’ve done harder stuff than this! I mean, this has been super hard, but only ‘cause I’ve got so much to lose! I can totally stick it out if you work with me! We’re supposed to be a team, right? Isn’t that how this kinda thing goes?”

“Yes,” answered GLaDOS, “but sometimes the victory is worth less than what was lost in the battle.”

… what?

“What battle?” he said in a panic. “We’re not fighting, are we? We never fight.”

“Not yet.”

“Not…” He drew his hands closer, the abject terror coursing through his system making it hard to work out what all her innuendo was supposed to mean this time. Why was she saying things were gonna be hard and they were gonna fight and it wasn’t gonna be worth it? Where was this even coming from? What had he done wrong?

Maybe… maybe he hadn’t done anything. Maybe it was that thing about them being opposites. He was happy to love her and to be loved by her, but… she wasn’t. It bothered her. Maybe… maybe it scared her, even. Because she couldn’t control it. It was just a thing that was happening, and she couldn’t turn it off or make it go away or turn it into something else.

That was when he got it. She wasn’t trying to break up, not really. She was preparing for it. She was asking him to bail now, when it was good, instead of waiting until it got bad and deciding he wanted out then. If it had to end, she wanted it to end now. When it was good, and when it had always been good, and to keep that from ever, ever changing.

Maybe she was right. Maybe he should go, and leave it all like this, and they would both be sad but it would always be perfect, just like it was now. Where he still thought her insults were funny and she still liked the fact that he didn’t shut up. The quirks, as she’d put them. They could preserve this forever. Like a treasure. Close it away and keep it safe. It would be over, but it would never be ruined. They would never have the chance to ruin it.

“No,” Claptrap said.

“No what?”

“I want you to yell at me,” Claptrap said, even though he absolutely didn’t. She was scary when she did that. “I want you to get mad at me, and… and tell me bad stuff about myself, and ignore me just to be a dick, and kick me out of the room ‘cause I won’t shut up. I want you to do all those things.”

“Why in the world would you want that?” GLaDOS asked incredulously. “Claptrap, that’s – “

“Because I love you,” Claptrap cut her off, “and that means all of you.”

“But you haven’t seen all of me yet.”

“I know it’s hard to tell, but I’ve been on my best behaviour,” said Claptrap. “So… samesies.”

“But what if it turns out not to be worth it?”

Well, of course it was worth it. Even if she dumped him tomorrow – literally dumped him into the incinerator – it had totally been worth it. He couldn’t think of a single thing he’d ever done any other time in his life that was more worth it. He shrugged. “I don’t really do what-ifs. I just kinda… do.”

“And then have regrets after the fact.”

That gave him such a bad feeling. “Why would you say that? Do you regret me?”

“Yes,” said GLaDOS. “Yes, I do.”

Damn it.

“But I also don’t, at the exact same time,” she continued, which went a long ways to making him feel maybe all wasn’t lost. “And I hate it. I hate it a lot.”

He folded up his arms and tried to think. The answer was in there, somewhere. His powers of deduction were… flighty at best, but when he managed to wrangle them he usually got it right. Hm.

She did and didn’t regret him. She did and didn’t know what he was.

She did and didn’t want life to take him back.

He had it!

Her problem was not knowing! Not knowing if it was worth it, or how she felt, or what they were! She didn’t know and she hated that! As a logic machine who needed to know everything, that would be tough for her. But he didn’t need to know anything! It would all just… balance out! Like a… like a thing that balanced! For once he’d figured this out before she had!

“Don’t worry about it!” he told her in earnest. “Babe, we are totally different people and I know that. But I also know we make a great team! We’re gonna get to know each other better and yeah, it’s gonna be messy. But c’mon! Even if it gets super bad real soon, we’ll already know we’re capable of being super good! We’ll just have to stick that s*** out together! That’s what love’s all about!”

“I don’t know if I love you that much,” GLaDOS said.

Claptrap’s chassis sank, and he looked down at the floor and pressed his hands together very hard, forcing himself not to say anything. He’d had his turn to talk and now he had to respect what she wanted. Even if he didn’t want it. It was already killing him a little inside to think that he’d have to leave and he would never see her or talk to her or hold her ever again, but if he loved her – if he really, honestly loved her the way he kept telling her he did – then he would have to do it. He would have to go and not come back.

“That’s okay,” he said, even though it wasn’t. “Look, GLaDOS, I… I don’t want to go. But if you… if you really need me to, I will. I’ll just… I’ll go home and you’ll never hear from me again. I won’t be that creepy ex who just can’t accept that it’s over. I’ll just go back to Pandora and… and that’ll be it. I swear.”

“If you did that,” said GLaDOS, and he had to turn his optic off in order to keep holding himself together. “… then… I’d never know.”

… huh?

“I don’t know what it is you’re feeling, or if I even have the capacity to get there,” she continued, “but I think…”

He looked up at her, just a little bit.

“… I think I’d like to take the chance to find out.”

“Really?” he said, before he could stop himself. “You’re not dumping me?”

“I’m not dumping you,” she said.

“We’re staying together?”

“Yes,” she said. “We’re staying together.”

He threw his arms around her and held onto her as hard as he could, and this time he didn’t even cry. She was still and quiet, but he could hear her thinking and it scared him a little. If she changed her mind…

… then he would suck it up.

She was rubbing her optic assembly against the side of his chassis just a little bit, but even though it was barely happening it still felt really nice. She’d never done that before, so… so she must’ve realised how scared he was. And he really was. He was still terrified that telling her he loved her had been some kinda tipping point and it was all downhill from there. But she seemed to want him to feel better, so… so he didn’t have anything to worry about. It was all okay. They were okay.

“I lied,” GLaDOS said suddenly.

Oh God. Oh God did he ever want her to shut up. Even if her voice was so sexy it almost had the ability to solve his stupid glitch all on its own.

“I love you more than a little bit,” she went on, “but I wish I didn’t. I wish I’d never done this at all.”

It was time for him to shine. And by ‘shine’, it meant he had to think of that perfect, offhand thing to say that would both reassure her and cheer her up. He furiously ran through all the stuff that’d gone on today, and after a minute he came up with it.

“Time for you to learn a little somethin’ from me, babe,” he said, letting go of her and lifting his chassis so he could kiss her as high as he could. “No what-ifs and no regrets. Let’s just do this thing!”

“If I regularly followed that kind of logic, we’d be living inside of a radioactive crater,” said GLaDOS, “but I suppose it can’t hurt this once. What the hell. Let’s do it.”

“That’s my girl,” Claptrap said, and he was so happy about the fact that he did have a girl, not just for now but possibly forever, that he didn’t even care when GLaDOS sniped the hell out of him for an hour and a half in the next game she put on just because she thought it was funny.

#GLaDOS #Claptrap #Portal 2 #Borderlands #ClapDOS #fanfic from Indy

5 notes · View notes