#but i guess with my current situation all i can do at home is drawing and MAAAYYBE painting if i can set things up

[humongousabysmal]

Seeing posts and vlogs about other peoples lives is so weird to me how can we all be in the same place completely different day to day experiences

[flawseer]

On the False Dragonets of Destiny

Recycled art... Forgive me, I can't physically draw more than I currently am.

Just a little while ago I was looking at some replies to my recent work, and I noticed a nice comment from someone who expressed they enjoyed my comics featuring the false dragonets of destiny, but couldn't really get into them in the books. I am thankful for that comment, but even more thankful for the opportunity to ramble at length about something I kind of wanted to talk about, but couldn't find a plausible excuse for. Until now.

All of this is just my reading of the material, of course. You don't need to agree with me on this.

Content Warning: Some discussion of abuse, trauma, violence. I don't know if it's severe enough to warrant a warning, but better be safe.

General discussion

The false dragonets of destiny, the alternates, or whatever one wants to call them. They enter the story proper in book 4, after having made a few minor cameo appearances before, and serve as a kind of hybrid antagonistic force and pseudo-allies for Starflight during his stay on the Nightwing Isle. During that time, they are very abrasive, stand-offish, uncooperative, and a bit annoying, and I guess that doesn't make them come off very well. But like, in spite of that or maybe partially because of it, I am really fond of these guys, and I'd like to take some time talking them up to you.

One can examine how these guys act and conclude that they are a bunch of dysfunctional screw-ups. And they absolutely are that, don't get me wrong. But one should keep in mind: the majority of the time they are in the spotlight, they are in an extreme, tense, and frighteningly uncertain situation. It's easy to forget how stressful these situations are because the books as a whole really like to gloss over the more frightening kind of subjects on account of being written for young readers. You can't really go deep into themes of abuse, trauma, and depression in a story like that without tripping over some kind of censor on the way, but the implications are there, between the lines for you to find.

Understanding the group

Who are the false dragonets of destiny? They are posited as a mirror image of the true dragonets of destiny, who have all been extensively schooled in matters of education and martial prowess. The first thing we see THIS group do on page is brawl, so one may think they must be trained and capable fighters. Viper and Flame constantly throw around death threats and aggressive quips, so one may think they are hyper-violent and dangerous. They are neither. Nautilus admits the Talons haven't bothered training them at all, they haven't seen real combat, they've likely been deliberately kept away from the war as a whole. Flame doesn't even know how to use his fire breath correctly. Starflight, who is by far the least physically adept of the arc 1 protagonists, is able to outpace them even as four of them team up against him.

They are neither killers nor a crack team of badasses, rather they are a bunch of play-fighting, posing delinquents who talk a big game with little in terms of actual skill to back it up. Realizing this is key to understanding just how out of their depth and ill-equipped they are to handle anything that gets thrown at them on the Nightwing homeland, especially past the negotiations at the Skywing outpost.

Abduction and imprisonment

When Starflight first finds them, they have been on the Nightwing Isle for a good while, and they are suitably bristly because of it.

Look at this situation from their perspective. These guys have known nothing other than their semi-peaceful life in the Talon camp. Then the leader of that camp, Nautilus--a figure they all know and trust, essentially sells them to a frightening stranger, who looms over them and is so physically large he could crush each of them easily. This stranger pulls them away from their home without even giving them a chance to say goodbye to their relatives (I'm convinced Avalanche would not have let Morrowseer take her son if there was a chance to intervene, so Flame must have already been gone when she found out).

A contingent of Nightwing awaits them, blindfolds them so they don't know where the entrance to the Nightwing home is. They pass through a kind of eldritch tunnel that pulls at their souls. When they are finally allowed to see again, they find themselves trapped on an island where there is no sunlight and every breath hurts as the air is thick with ash.

The Nightwings won't let them leave, in fact they don't know if they will ever be able to leave again. Nobody tells them what's going on, what they are meant to do, or what the plan is. They are left confined in some room with nothing to do, and they (sans Fatespeaker) can't go outside without being arrested. Food is brought very infrequently, and usually inedible, so they haven't eaten since they were forced to leave home. They don't know where they are, nor where their parents are, nor if their parents know where THEY are. They are completely cut off from anywhere, isolated, trapped in this little slice of hell with no means to escape and little hope to acquire any soon.

I think if I was in a situation like that, I would be pretty cranky too. More than that, I would be scared out of my wits, and I believe that they are as well. If you look at their actions through a lens of them being frightened, their irritating quirks suddenly become very relatable. Viper is coping by throwing out threats and making herself seem bigger and scarier than the thing trapping her. Flame makes offensive jokes about killing Fatespeaker because making light of the situation helps him keep his wits together. Ochre is hard to read, but I think he's just tuning everything out. Squid is convinced that his father--who is the most important and smart dragon in all of Pyrrhia--has made the correct choice and knows what's best for all of them. And Fatespeaker is in complete denial, choosing to trust an inaccurate vision of the future while ignoring all the red flags that don't fit into it.

I think it's interesting that you can read this as all of them having a different strategy to cope with the uncertain and frightening situation they're trapped in. That's part of why I like them; they're very flawed and make interesting decisions.

Trauma and Empathy

You can look at someone like Squid and see his surface traits: He is annoying, he whines and complains constantly, he brags about who his father is, and he seems completely incapable of doing anything useful. If this guy was in any other story, I would probably dislike him. But Squid has the benefit of being a whiny dweeb in a situation where it is very appropriate to whine and be scared. He has a scene where he makes a somewhat goofy speech at Morrowseer where he calls him stupid and wants to go home, and is subsequently exiled. It's a bit silly in execution, but for me it did succeed in making me feel bad for Squid as he desperately and pathetically pleads for Morrowseer not to send him to his death.

But then you can read beyond the lines a little and view the scene in the full context that isn't really dwelt on. Here, you've got Squid, who is inept even among his peers, sheltered and doted on by his father, whom he has never been away from for any real amount of time until now. This guy, who probably can't even feed himself (otherwise he might have been able to catch fish in the waters around the island), keeps telling himself that his father has a plan, that all of this, even the questionable stuff, is happening for a reason. He hasn't eaten in weeks and he's been the punching bag for everyone else's frustrations (because Fatespeaker is not around enough, hanging out with Starflight). Now he has been chased halfway across the world, forced to cross the ocean while tired and starving, to be told he has to talk to a bunch of violent strangers who hate his kind and want to kill him. He tries to hide but is grabbed by the throat and held in the air by a soldier twice his size. This is likely the first time his life has ever been threatened that directly and with genuine intent.

The strange new Nightwing who was sent with them somehow manages to deescalate the situation enough to save him, but then, without warning, more dragons burst into the room. Suddenly everything is on fire, including the soldiers who just a moment ago threatened him. He is close enough to them to watch their forms twist and writhe in agony as they slowly burn to death.

As he is made to watch this horrifying spectacle, all the feelings he repressed by reminding himself of the faith he has in his father come flooding back in at once. It becomes too much for him to bear, and he breaks. He starts crying and verbally lashes out at their abuser for the horrid conditions they have been placed in and demands--half asserting and half pleading--to be allowed to go home. This isn't really whining anymore, this is a full-scale mental breakdown, rendered to be simple and digestible to a young audience. Imagine how harrowing this scene could have been if it wasn't filtered through a child-friendly narrative.

Closing thoughts

There is a scene some time after that I found kind of poignant. At one point, Starflight looks out and he sees Flame just standing out there, silently staring into the distance. There's maybe one line dedicated to it, and when you read the book normally, you don't really dwell on it since it's so nondescript. But this scene happens shortly after the visit to the remote outpost. The soldiers that burned to death in there were all Skywings. Skywings like himself, and like his mother, who also was a soldier before she joined the Talons. Whenever I picture him standing there, I imagine he is reliving that moment, hearing the dying screams of his kinsmen. I think he will be hearing them forever.

So in conclusion: The reason why I like the alternate dragonets so much is because of the enormous, untapped potential they possess as characters, and how deep some of them run if you take some time to look at them. I feel like all of them have a story to tell, and it's a bit of a shame that Sutherland likely won't come around to telling any of them. If I had infinite time, money, and energy, I would love to make many more comics about them, as they are an interesting lot.

Especially Flame's story I feel is such a heartbreaking tragedy, and thinking about the way it ended saddens me. He's one of my six all-time favorite characters in the series, I wish he could have gone out in a happier, healthier way.

[mrs-snape5984]

“Oh, breathe, just breathe…”

“'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable. And life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe…” (“Breathe (2AM)” by Anna Nalick)

Sometimes, you just have to accept, that there are things, that can’t be changed or fixed anymore…at least not right now. I guess, I’m more and more coming to terms with this insight, considering the fact, that it just doesn’t make sense to wrap my head around the reason for my disease ME/CFS.

I can’t alter my previous decisions. For the past two years, I’ve blamed myself for catching Covid on an Open Air concert of my German favourite punk rock band “Die Ärzte”…especially viewed in the context that I avoided social gatherings since late 2019 because of my medicinal immune suppression. But when I got these tickets as a gift in 2022, my brain must have shut down and I started to belittle the potential risks of catching the virus by telling myself, that I would stand in the back of the crowd, beneath the open sky. This was also the first occasion, when I didn’t wear my mask…after enduring being bullied and mocked for wearing masks everywhere and rejecting every single invitation to parties and simple get-togethers.

Well…only one week later, my life- as I knew it before - came to an abrupt halt. I don’t want to go into detail about my current situation in this post. Whoever knows me and also my prior posts, is probably already fed up with my complaints about ME/CFS and its results for my life.

So, all I can do now, is to breathe. Deliberately slowly…breathing in…and breathing out. Calming my nerves…soothing my troubled mind with my fantasies of Severus and my absolutely self-inserted OC Jules…

I’ve commissioned someone new for this project. Someone different from all those lovely artists of Snapedom, who I regularly contacted for my usual coping mechanism of commissioning artworks of Sevy and Jules.

This time, I reached out to @pinklovecharm, an incredibly kind and understanding artist, who made me speechless with this drawing. I asked her to help my imagination of Severus and Jules, being on a walk in the forest, come to life.

I can’t tell you, how much I’m missing this simple activity of enjoying the autumn sunshine and some fresh air on a walk in the woods. In my fantasy, Severus would apparate us to a secluded path in the middle of the forest, wrapping his arm around my waist to support my steps. We wouldn’t talk much…but Severus would remind me of the importance of breathing…and he would exercise it with me…patiently waiting for me to eventually calm down. He’s my safe haven…my home.

My dear Sadie, you can’t imagine, how much you soothed my soul with your mesmerising art and your kind-heartedness. You really achieved to put me into my OC Jules…with all her emotions and physical attributes….and you even integrated my cane into your drawing! Normally, I don’t show my reference pictures publicly, but I’m too impressed by your dedication to the details of my appearance, that I can’t stop myself from presenting them here. Thank you for everything, you wonderful person! I hope, we’ll stay in touch and that I may commission you again.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy and Jules🖤

[comicaurora]

(this ask is based on the, I'm not sure if unfounded, assumption that at least 1/6(?) main crew members has some sort of non-ace/aro attraction): How do you write allo characters as an aro person? I'm one of those annoying allos who's *hyper-romantic* and working on hypersexuality for my own health, so I color most of my writing with that and struggle to write ace people. I know a lot of writers can distance themselves more. I guess I'm just curious how you inspire your characters to act socially outside of the way that you interact, specifically in terms of romanti/sexual relationships. I'm pretty good at getting my characters to engage with the world outside of my way of doing it until it comes to romance.

It's… tough, and I'm working on it. I still need to remind myself that a lot of people legitimately do experience sexual attraction and thus find certain other people in certain situations extremely physically appealing, in contrast to my own platonic attraction (the people I like, I typically like the same amount no matter what they're doing or how they look) or aesthetic attraction (when I like how someone looks in a specific situation, it is still in an extremely hands-off "I'd like to draw that" way).

I can work my way through the logic of romance, I think. I've been told that it doesn't feel the same as friendship, and that it places another person in a somewhat uniquely structural role for one's life. I've heard it described as being someone's "everything-team" - the person they want by their side at any endeavor - which is the only thing I've ever heard about romance that I don't think applies to a good percentage of my IRL friendships.

Romantic attraction is definitely the more confusing one, because everyone I know in a romantic relationship insists it's different than their platonic ones, but can't really explain why or how, only that it is. The thing is, this makes me believe them more. I know how hard it is to explain a unique inner experience to someone who has a completely different one. Their partner is their best friend, or at least top three (understandable) and also in a unique position in their life (confusion??) I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I think I love my friends as much as I'm capable of, and there are people I'm friends with who I could see as a theoretical partner - except that it would change absolutely nothing about our current relationship. This is why I don't identify with the label of "aromantic" where I definitely do with "asexual", because I think I experience what people are talking about, I just feel it kinda everywhere instead of nowhere.

So the hack I think I can make work to do this in my writing is:

Sexual attraction is like aesthetic attraction, but with a hands-on component. Replace "I want to draw that" with "I want to get my hands on that" and go from there.

Romantic attraction is evidently its own beast, but it contains concepts like "I trust this person implicitly," "I care about them and want them to be happy," "I would be happy coming home to this person," "I want to protect them," "I like that they care about me," and "this person helps me see the world in a different way" which are all individual sentiments I understand, even if I personally feel them about a large number of people rather than a single Special Someone. Point them at a single Someone and have the two characters involved act accordingly, and I can probably pull a romance out of it.

Like all writing-an-alien-situation stuff, it mostly pays to identify the specific details that correlate to things you DO understand and then extrapolate from there. Or you can fake it and black-box their motivations and be like "here's where I'd put their sexual attraction to each other if I had one"

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

Gosh I HATE X.

Rant below about small artists and not getting much of a chance to actually grow in social media.

Not only do they not tell me what the problem is when the report something so I can't fix it but I get on or try to get on and apparently I can't? My account was deleted? It won't log me in on my art one??? I'm annoyed by it.. I can only be glad I have a following here on Tumblr and Tumblr helps push certain things out compared to X.

I'm honestly mad because I was using X as another way to reach out to people who want commissions but also for fandom interactions. I'm also mad because like I've said for like the hundredth time, you can literally find people fcking on X and their videos and things get to stay up but I draw FanArt and write stories and MINE gets taken down??? Smh especially as someone doing commissions because my mom is in the hospital rn and I genuinely need the funds for a while..

I'm working on one commission right now. I'll take three right now for cheap prices because I understand people don't find value in art all the time but I'll have to bring prices up or either continuously work for the cheaper ones and save up.

Actually let me ask this now.

Some this picture contains four characters, a window with extra background, objects and background, and various expressions and poses. The time on it hit 13 hours on ibis. In my mind of course I want money to help my situations.

With this picture as an example I count people and characters as $10 each, little accessories and such are $1 each and there's at least 12 in here up front from the beer cans to the dresser. The picture took 13 hours so $40 × 13 equals $520. It took me at least a week to get this piece done. Considering the hospital issues, the at home issues, pet situations, food issues, and little transportation I have when I need something important done I think for pieces like this the price is fair.

Idk, people who commission others can you tell me what you think? I'm down to do cheap prices too it just depends of what's being asked like the current commission I'm doing which is this one:

Is $30 dollars for the commissioner considering they just want the lineart which I'm more than happy to do. If anyone knows any discord groups or websites that give artist commissions please let me know. I just can't believe X rn... Also matter of fact this was the wip I posted before my account was taken down... Doesn't like like anything against Twitter guidelines to me but fck us small artists that NEED exposure I guess.

How I'm pricing after finishing this commission and two others perhaps because I literally can't afford to not price it like I'm thinking of doing.

So:

$10 dollars per person/character

$1 for each background object/accessories - cups, glasses, trash cans, ash trays, etc etc

And after all that is set I'll multiply those numbers by the amount of hours I finish which is where the majority of the money goes and after that's it, I get paid and you get your piece. (Of course check ins are allowed and changes as long as changes art completely different from their original idea. I'm always okay drawing at least three sketches for customers to pick from if they don't like the first sketch.)

I've made a post already on my current visit at the hospital for my mom. She majorly deals with everything in the home so her being sick will mean we'll need extra funds. I don't work right now because I myself got sick last year with GBS and I'm still healing, not just that but there's only one car for the household which is my mom's so with everything happening I couldn't possibly get a job now. My grandma has dementia and there's three other people in the house though two of them hardly do much to keep bills paid. It's just a lot and really anything would help us right now. So to any commissioners if you are commissioning me whether it's little or big I very much appreciate you with all my heart.

And even if you can't commission reblogging and liking is just fine as well since it helps boost posts.

[leftclown]

So now I'm gonna move on and actually describe an experience I have had as a trans man who is currently detransitioned due to financial status. This experience involves both misogyny and transphobia, and I'm not really here to debate weather or not I Can experience these things, instead I'm just going to share it.

So I guess somewhat important context to this is that I am rather feminine by appearence. If you encountered me in the wild you'd think I was the hoodie and cookie monster pajama girl from high school. My partner, also not currently receiving gender affirming care passes a bit better than me. He at the very least gives people pause or incites confusion. Usually, though, people just assume he's a young man.

I was going to get a state ID because I had moved recently to another state. My ID from my previous state had my gender marked as M because I went through the due process to get that done. New home state has a policy that if youre from out of state you have to get your ID processed at the police station. My partner is also trans and had gone a week prior to get his done, and they had respected his ID's gender marker, moving all of his information from the out of state record.

I go in and of course I am marked F, so upon reviewing it I said thats incorrect, because my ID says M. We go back and forth and I eventually produce my partner's ID and say "you did it for him just last week". Big mistake on my part because I'm honestly still learning how not to give people like this the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, they go to their manager to figure out what to do.

A few minutes later I am called alone into the managers office. Here's a shortlist of this meeting;

-Thet confiscated my partners ID without him present

-Told me my due process didn't matter, that I can only change it if I had a letter saying I had already had SRS.

-Took my previous ID and voided it so I couldn't change my birth certificate

-Made me submit my ID as F

-Tell me my partner has to come in to correct his to F as well

This all happens very quickly, and I try to advocate for myself and lose. By the end of it, I am crying a bit and I mutter to myself "This is fucking insane".

This is the part that really fucked me up.

The manager stepped forward toward me, holding her hands in that defensive position, the one cops to do say 'I'm calm but prepared to use force', you know where they tilt their hips forward and rest their hands on the front of their belt. She tells me "I understand you're upset, but there is no swearing in here."

I am a nearly 30 year old MAN. And she is trying to tell me not to swear like I'm some teenager giving her lip.

"I'm not from here, this is just how I talk" I say, not yet realizing that she is trying to instigate. She prods this issue again, trying to detract me, trying to get me to cuss more. Trying to rile me up. I become quiet and still, thank them for their time and leave. She called me Sweetheart as I left.

And there is nothing I can do in this situation. Im dealing with cops in a red state. There's nothing I can do but cave to the authority because my plans are bigger than this. Because to further advocate is to put myself in danger and she made that very clear by drawing a line at me swearing. So I submit.

Submitting in a situation like this feels like your power is being taken from you. Like they are physically removing something from your arms and trying to get it back would be a major risk. It's not just that someone is stepping on me, it's that theyre telling me politely to get on the ground so I can be stepped on. It felt especially oppressive in this scenario, but it always feels like this. In the workplace, in social group, in family, a trans man is the least respectable thing you can be because not only are you a woman, but you're a crazy, damaged woman and if you're me you get ire for being a waste of a pretty face.

There's always a timeline too, it can be long or short but it always goes like this; People receive me initially with feigned tolerance and some mild comparisons to my partner's masculinity. Then they start poking and pushing and trying to see if I'm really a trans man in ways they think is subtle but to me is very unsubtle. Eventually, when they've disrespected me to the point of reacting emotionally, they act like they've gotten their gotcha moment because I've displayed the Ultimate Thing that makes you Not A Man: Tears. Most of them don't even need to get to there to conclude I'm a trender because well if I'm already almost 30 and haven't transitioned, I must not want it bad enough.

I'm sharing this story not just because it displays the intersections of being a trans man, how hard it is to obtain respect and how fragile that respect is, but also because I know there are guys out there who are like me. I see you, you with the puffy lips and round hips, you who can't transition right now, you who feels like he's waiting for a some day, for a time when it's just okay to exist out there and be treated with the basic fucking dignity of telling someone "Hi, I'm Dave" and having them reply without looking at your tits first. Who has beat himself up in the quiet hours for years for being too emotional, too feminine, feeling assaulted by the way the world wants to commodify your body and demonize your mind. You deserve to be seen and respected.

[daandyli0n]

so. decided to draw some more realistic noses. think i did pretty well.

anyway!! the MCI kids in my Rewrite!

fun facts for y'all:

Naomi and Gabi were Liz's best friends before she died.

Baker absolutely loved Bonnie. favorite animatronic. he wanted to be a rock star when he grew up, just like his hero.

Baker never wore shoes anywhere. he also had these Animal Paw socks that his mom got for him that he also wore everywhere.

y'know the saying that's like "Queer people tend to form groups together, even if not all of them have realized they're queer yet"? that summarizes the MCI + Charlie and Cassidy (CC). to give some examples:

Gabi is actually transfem.

Baker and Naomi are aroace, but in different ways. Naomi thinks dating is gross and dreads Valentine's Day. don't get her wrong, getting cards and stuff is nice, but...Christ, can the boys get annoying. she's one of the popular girls, she gets it, but JESUS. Baker? well, for one, the kid's five. but he also just kinda doesn't care in general.

Felix's entire philosophy on gender is "I Don't Give A Shit; Call Me What You Want." kid does Not give a fuck, they've got other things to worry about.

Kelsey is also technically transfem, but never got to really explore that. he has brought the topic up to Cassidy before while they were dead though; "Do you ever have moments where you think you're not a boy?" "I mean yeah, but we're kinda busy trying to kill my dad, Kel-" take this as you will for what that means for Cassidy.

anyway, back to regular headcanons (i mean. if they're my versions of the MCI that are all basically ocs in this rewrite, are they really headcanons?):

Baker and Kelsey were really close to Cassidy, because their brothers (Mike, Jeremy, and Andrew) all knew each other and hung out.

not a single one of these kids are neurotypical. not a one.

Baker is specifically AuDHD (autism + ADHD). to everyone else he's just the most hyperactive kid with a Bonnie obsession in existence.

as y'all can guess, Baker was the youngest :(

Kelsey and Andrew don't have a great home life.

these kids were all friends with Cassidy before they all died.

Baker deals with that "fun" thing where you go into a room and forget why you're there and/or how you got there. it's why Bonnie seems to teleport. it's just because he wanders around and doesn't realize he's reached a place until he's suddenly there. scares the shit out of nightguards, though!

Baker thinks that he's done the coolest thing he could've possibly done; he's BECOME Bonnie. whether that's a coping mechanism for his current situation or he genuinely sees this as an upside is up to y'all.

Baker's surprisingly the least aggressive soul out of the others. he wants vengeance, but he can tell that these nightguards ain't the guy. his "aggression" is just him being a silly little guy, really. he just wants to play with someone!! unfortunately, being in an animatronic makes it much easier to kill someone. poor kid :(

Felix, aside from Cassidy, is the most aggressive. in his eyes, it was the employees' responsibility to keep his safe and from dying. William didn't even try to hide it when he took him. he was in view of the cameras and everything in that suit. and yet no one seemed to notice when he was taken. no one came to stop William from taking him to the back. him killing the nightguards has more to do with bitterness and anger at nothing being done to save him than vengeance against a killer he didn't recognize. he knows damn well who killed him, the kid's just pissed.

Baker recognized Jeremy when he was a nightguard, and didn't attack him the rest of the night. did fuck around with him, though. brothers, am i right?

Gabi really likes hiding under tables so that she doesn't have to talk to people. shy girl, y'know?

Naomi really likes dogs. she kept begging her parents for a dog and, while they promised her one, never got around to getting her a real one. guess how William lured her. Guess.

Naomi, like Susie, was the first of the MCI.

Kelsey liked to draw (and still does, as a ghost. although his drawings after death are less...cheerful, to put it one way)

[b00m-b0mb]

do u have lore/a storyline in ur head for wandering karate perchance? i love them a lot :')

AHHH... Wandering Karate, my truest beloved!!!! I do!! But I am rewriting my canon :3c so this is kind of messy and due for a little bit of changing maybe?! Orz !!!!!!!!

UH.. WEOW... cringe...

The basis for a lot of this is a really old fic I wrote for myself that doesn't exist anymore waaa qwqq sorry if this doesn't make sense!

• Joe's family lives in one of the villages Ronin (Wandering Samurai) has rescued.

• Specefically I imagine the one in "Super Samurai Slice", since he leaves unnoticed.. However, Joe saw the whole thing! (Imagine this is some like, 3rd incident lol)

• I like to think Joe would attempt to jump into action and help out (foolishly brave!), but due to being a teensy bit of a clutz he ends up being carried most of the way.

• But he still helped out you know, and like, real danger! Ronin is impressed. And gave compliments where it was due

• Samurai is invited for a drink / some steak and rice. They hang out!! They just chat. I think both of them are a little lonely, and it was just easy to talk. And they did, for hours.

• Joe's inspired by Ronin's skill. Ronin thinks Joe is inspiring for jumping into the situation despite his misteps. Like the desire, but weak energy for skill (Joe, who i project chronic fatigue onto lol), in contrast to the unstopping precise performance, that could fear nothing more than a mistep.

• To me, Joe is a guy who's embarrassed a lot, but he keeps trekking! But hes also frozen still into his current situation, unable to free his wings. While Ronin has light feet when it comes to his embarrassments. And, ofc, cannot let himself stay too long, anywhere! I think due to his nature, he's lonesome and is locked into a endless cycle of self reflection/percieved redemption (over critical)

• Anyways the family comes home. And Ronin's like, ah, I shall go. (Not wanting to be a disturbance) and heads out the door.

• BUT Senior is like "Joe, I need you to pick up my epic gi from -inserts convenient far away comical temple post office-" and Joe, somehow not irritated, and now given a journey, is like 💡‼️ and chases after Ronin.

• He really wants to tag along for just a while. He helped after all! Whats some more time together..? Ronin briefly attempts to decline, before deciding the company wouldn't be a bother... letting Joe come along- call this a ROADTRIP!

• Anyway, the idea was they had two nights of travel / chitchat, with a bit of shenanigans to themselves. Learn about one another. Kind of can see a glimpse into the others perception. And like.. yah... Dudes who want to be friends so bad, everytime they talk there's a silent spark inside both of them bc they're so lonely and a!!!!

• My oc, Karate Maccie, played into my fic uhmm,,, she became the unwanted child tagalong. She's the comic relief pretty much lol!!! but she also is like really trying to set them up as friends you know? She sees these two introverts trying to make it happen. She thinks Joe could use the friend :] She's also just nosey. I know what you are (lonely.)

• More shenanigans & silly adventure for Senior's mail... In the end, Joe and Ronin would have to part ways, but, they would keep touch in letters!!!! Joe being given a post office to write to, and Ronin promising to be there in time to recieve it!

Also I think Maccie + Ronin would have a mini rivalry arc, but it's mostly one sided from Maccie's end lol, and by the end it's somewhat resolved, and Ronin actually offers to train with her or something some time! They all had fun okay! Ugh!!!

I think from there their relationship is just you know, they get each other I guess? They share their thoughts in letters, and are honest and discuss anything and yeahaha... Sometimes a letter is just. "I saw a bird :)" -drawing-, and they get it...!!! they repeatedly will express in their letters how much they truly treasure the others company. Idk man!!! Queer platon guys okay!!!!!

Ronin would definitely make time to come around and visit the village, and Joe would up and leave the house w/o anouncing for mini trips to travel and meet the wandering samurai when hes close to the area!! Skipping practice?! For the samurai he holds dear?! It's serious, you know!!!

But I think the tension takes forever to boil over into melting their boundaries with one another. These dudes need to embrace. So bad. I think. But it's so hard, when you know the lack of it can hurt???? But one day.. I will feel confident enough in both of us, to hold you...??? And know that even when we part, ill see, and hold you again? Wails???

Uhgrhrbrbmammamaaammama 👍👍👍 normal about burnt out souls that are maybe a little mentally ill <33333333 I LOVE THEM SO MUCH ugh,h,m,m,,,,,,

Also they both have a somewhat similar family life in my hcs. Dead mothers, somewhat strained relationship with father, tradition, a clash in how they want to live? Something. They can't be together, but they treasure and hold their shared time dearly, and hold their long distance relationship with nurture :) I lovegh. Them.

Also, food for thought- Bon Odori is also in the village Joe lives in. (And I hc the toss boys are kids in this village, so fourth) maybe Samurai Slice Endless (DS) is there too :] I think he'd do that anywhere needed, but I like the idea of him going from not well known anywhere aside from few legends, to becoming apart of this community because of Joe? Or something? Sobs...??? Sorry idk...

Also I imagine a mini plotline of their relationship regarding the fact Ronin doesn't have a true name + Joe's rise to doing things outside the house ??? Things.. !!!

and and UHHHGGGGGGG rhythm heaven head canon world I missed you.....

[johaerys-writes]

15 questions for 15 friends

I was tagged by my dear @elveny, thank you so much!! 💙

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: No! Well, yes, after a character in Greek mythology, but not after a parent or grandparent or anything like that.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: Yesterday. I was reading the Iliad again for an anon ask and was going through the part where Achilles kills Hector and oooh that scene got hands 🥲 I cry a lot though, I'm a crier, and a lot of the time it's about patrochilles so it's par for the course really lol

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: Nope.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?: I'm fairly active generally but I don't play sports at all because I don't like them. I tried several sports while in school before accepting that I simply don't like team sports and I'm not good at them, but I had much more fun with solo sports. I swam for several years somewhat competitively, and I also did track for a while. 

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: I think so? But usually only with people I'm very comfortable with, because I can never know what would go down well or not with a person I don’t know. 

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: That’s hard to answer because I feel like it depends on the situation. Most of the time, it's body language and their general vibe. Meeting new people can be nerve wracking so I try to "read" them and act accordingly, if that makes sense? I don't want to step on any toes or say the wrong thing so figuring out what the other person's mood or interests might be usually helps. But that often means I miss out on other things on first encounter, like... their eyes or smile or something?? Lol idk man, socialising while on the spectrum is hard 🥲

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?: Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: I think I'll pick scary movies because I do like horror and dark stuff and I don't care if the ending is happy or not as long the story is interesting. 

ANY TALENTS?: it took me so long to think of something for this and I honestly don't know? I'm assuming by 'talents' we mean something you're born with, not something you've worked hard at like some kind of craft, right? In that case, I think I have pretty good visual memory, especially when it comes to books and articles and such, or the written word in general. Oh and I'm weirdly good at orientation, I can usually find my way no matter where I am. Which isn't such a huge deal now in the era of google maps, but back when there was no gps it was a pretty useful skill to have haha. 

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: Greece.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: Writing, reading, gaming, crocheting, drawing, going to museums! I'm constantly on the look out for new exhibitions and stuff, it's my favourite thing in the world to do. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: A darling and dastardly cat, aka my extension when I'm at home. 

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 1,68m

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: Oh god I freaking hated school, absolutely hated it LOL I can't think of one thing I liked in it. I guess I only enjoyed the very last year of high school when I was preparing for the Panhellenic exams because like... it felt like there was finally some kind of purpose or reason to be there at all, even though there was a lot of pressure. I loved Ancient Greek, Latin, History and Philosophy. 

DREAM JOB?: I don't have one, I don’t dream of labour 🙃 I don't think there's any sort of job anyone could do in this capitalist hellscape we're all currently living in that would be enjoyable enough to make up for, well... living in a capitalist hellscape lol. If I could, I'd just go back to uni, probably. That was my happy place and I miss it. And I'd also write a bunch and read a bunch and take up all sorts of creative hobbies, and probably travel more. 

Tagging forth to a bit more than 15 friends lol sorry (and I know I'm forgetting ppl): @baejax-the-great @thiefylilelf @vimlos @mogwaei @gloriesunsung @aymayzing @cordelia---rose @knicknocknick @aristi-achaion @peachandfig @heypax @darlingpoppet @tevivinter @mary-aries @tragediegh @pikapeppa @figsandphiltatos always with love and without any pressure 💕

[shadohood]

INTRODUCTION POST, I GUESS

You can call me Shado, Shad or whatever other variation. I don't like being refered to with any gender specific stuff, but won't correct you or make a big deal out of anything like that (especially slang).

I'm relatively new to tumblr and am bad with social cues and norms, don't by angry at me i'm trying my best. Same with english, btw, it's not my first language.

I don't really have anything I could say here tbh. I draw, I write, I fandom, I exist (unfortunaltly for everyone). I would make original art more if anybody would see it, so i'm trying to balance.

My art commissions are open! Your money would help me survive in my current situation (and get out of it eventually) and you get a pretty (hopefully) picture too! I can't go into details, but "survive" is the only correct word here.

You can suggest any art idea to me, so I guess some version of untraditional art requests is also open, but don't expect me to follow your idea word for word in case of requests. I also have a reblog blog (I love saying that in my head), I reblog there more often than here!

I'm in what I call "fandomic superposition", I'm in every, all and none fandoms at once. Currently working on undertale related stuff, but also often get distracted with fantasy worldbuilding and general character design.

I don't do DNI thingy, but keep any harmful intent away from here, folks. Would be cool if art was like an oasis where everybody regardless of habit stays at peace. Also I try not to post anything too suggestive/erotic or otherwise 18+, but my brain works in mysterious ways, anyone who wouldn't like to/shouldn't see that (like minors or sex-repulsed folks) I warned ya!!!

I might add other things here in the future.

My artsy stuff library:

CR!Underfell AU (linking the first post in contnuity, because no masterpost for now)

Fan version/prediction of hellaverse Leviathan

* Reference sheet/initial idea

* Quick redesign

* Da fish has a yacht

* Confrontation

Dungeon meshi OC

* Buapo

* Shinchu

One Piece OCs/Three man crew

* Bite-off

* Aipatchi

* Hikigane

Nidavelir: home beyond soil (my fantasy project thingy)

* Yeri

* Main character ready to fight

* A main character interaction

* Random witch

* Sage in the dungeon

* Elves

* Sage redesign

* Trolls

* Super old Sage post

[irys955]

I'm really just a silly who love drawing her favorite characters...

...and their genderbent versions, and boobs too I guess... I don't bite, I swear, but I'm bad at starting conversations, so feel free to talk to me hehe (●'◡'●)

Below is some ramble about my drawing journey ~

I have to thank a friend of mine, who I met during university. She was the one who helped me to find joy in drawing, taught me how to draw anatomy more correctly (I'm still bad at it but I now can see where I do wrong, even though I cannot fix those problems yet lol). I learned a lot watching her drawing in our classes together (we really did not pay attention to class.....). Yeah, she was also the one who pulled me into Hetalia....!

I drew some commissions during this time with dirt cheap prices like $3-$10 for full colored pictures that took me at least 2-3 days to complete lol. Here is the very first commission I made in 2016, I still like it very much (I nuked my dA account so yeah, I have no idea who was the customer for this one...I'm sorry ; - ;; )

My happiest moment was when I gave customer two sketch options and they said they wanted both lol....

Here are almost all of the commission I've made

Then after Uni, I went to work and was severely burned out...I did drew some arts for HalBarry but it was 5 years ago (wow time flies...). After them, I drew very little to the point of none. It must have been at least 4 years since I was last serious about drawing.

Until the beginning of this year, I got to work from home, yay, I finally have time and pick up my pen again. At this point, I have to thank Patalliro and BanMara for making me pick up drawing again xD!!! Then I fell back into the old pit (yes it's you ZeroX), reading their doujin, seeing all the wonderful artworks and fanfics about them on Pixiv, I suddenly want to contribute too. I love them so I want to draw them out, I want to materialize my plots for them...I want to force people to look at my creations so I post them online haha-

Though my job right now is kinda unstable (good pay for single adult though) and I'm in early mid life crisis of what I really want to do with my life...I like my current situation, it's like my dream job and situation, but as I said, it's not stable, it could end anytime. And at my age (I'm not THAT old but the job market is really harsh where I live), it's really hard to find a new job, but oh well, I guess thing is as good as it gets, I hope teehee

[rindemption]

So, I'm not sure how many people are still around from 2-3 years ago when I first talked about it, but I had some (for me) significant health changes a few summers ago that, while greatly improving, are apparently still affecting me

I was in a high stress/ high energy output job for a while. Nearly 10 years, and the longer I was there the worse it got. From a promotion that changed my job expectations to post-covid understaffing. Over the course of one summer I lost a significant amount of weight for the size I already was. It was just under 10% of my total weight, and put a lot of strain on my body. I lost muscle mass as well, because I ran out of fat to lose. On top of physical stress, I was under a lot of mental stress as well, and situations at home and among my social group left me in a very negative headspace that in no way helped my situation. When I'm depressed and stressed out, I have no appetite.

I had to make changes to my diet that, while not ultimately healthy, ensured I wasn't at a calorie deficit. It was a horrible cycle: I would come home from work with no energy to cook, which meant I wasn't getting the nutrients to give my body energy. So I'd resort to quick, high calorie, ready made meals, that in the long run resulted in vitamin deficiencies instead.

And the physical state affects the psychological state, so mentally I was a mess. My two main creative outputs at the time were writing and virtual photography. Looking back, my writing style was inconsistent, messy, and the tone of it was all over depending on my current mood. I didn't have the mental energy to draw, but I could get excited about and do vp. But even that was only to the point of "good-enough". I could never focus long enough or put the energy in to get it to the standards I wanted.

I'm in a much better place now, but I can still feel the shockwaves of the toll all of that took on me. I left that job a few months ago, and thanks to my spouse's support I'm putting weight back on. But I still feel like a train wreck. I lose words- even just writing this I've had to stop multiple times to try to figure out what word I was about to write. I'm doing low impact workouts to try to put functional muscle mass back on, and my balance is completely shot. I'm doing stabilizing workouts meant for the elderly and struggling. I'm not even 30 yet. I started drawing again, but I get fatigued quickly and take a day-long break between doing any significant art. And I still struggle to focus long enough to get the game pictures I really want, but it's slowly getting better.

I guess the point of writing this is three things. Firstly, an update for anyone who was around back at the beginning, when I mentioned my struggles. Secondly, if anyone else is dealing with something similar, or finally getting out of a stressful situation: you're not alone. It's hard, long work, but we'll get better with time and persistence. And thirdly, if it seems like I'm changing it's because I am. I'm not in survival mode like I was before, I'm slowly patching up my mental state, slowly getting better. I'm figuring out who I am when I'm not struggling just to stay alive. But I feel like I'm changing for the better.

[qqueenofhades]

I just saw some article abt a tiktok where a mother asks if her 10 yo's written music piece can be played (yes it can) and she starts with the kid having played violin for 2 yrs but it turns out it's a family thing with parents/aunts/grandmothers involved too...

And the reason I'm bringing this up is because of my university experience. I didn't do anything like AP classes or A levels when I was in high school. My parents have their high school diplomas and they're at very basic levels. I used to attend a different form of tertiary education attended by ppl who had backgrounds a lot more similar to mine, but in academia I'd say 80% of people had university educated people and probably about 10% had at least one parent and/or grandparent with a PhD.

I messed up my MA thesis. I mean, I passed and realistically I know that a lot of what happened isn't my fault (I ran into a serious medical issue which meant my process was delayed AND then my supervisor left after giving me minimal feedback and w/o any sort of decent transfer, after which I was not allowed to get any feedback from the replacement supervisor who was new at my university/in my country).

At the same time, I feel like the situation is definitely compounded by not having any academics in my family. I wasn't raised with the academic sense of thinking (and therefore rely too much on background research because I get insecure!) and I don't have the degree of Background Knowledge that is sort of expected of people when they wanna succeed (and yes languages like Latin are sort of included but the STORIES and HISTORIES are a lot more important, in the sense that learning Latin can be done postgraduate for sure but catching up on many many of the stories and references is a lot more difficult).

I was wondering what your thoughts are on this. I don't know if this really qualifies as a hidden curriculum as technically it ISN'T needed to succeed, but I DO notice that I have had to work a lot harder than my peers for the same outcomes, and the moment I faced setbacks I simply didn't have the type of backup in place (esp with few friends) that other people did have.

Ofc this also isn't to say that people who do have all this background knowledge should be excluded or whatever! It's just supremely difficult to catch up once you're behind, and it really has confronted me with class immobility more than anything else. Jobs in the academic world ARE notoriously difficult to come by, but this is about the step before that - succeeding in programs where previous knowledge DOES really benefit students simply because they're capable of drawing more connections because they KNOW more, and how that should be dealt with. The idea that people who are "behind" in their way of approaching academia and/or the knowledge required being immediately put at a disadvantage (and I know I am and I am a rare case bec most ppl with this disadvantage don't MAKE it to uni in the Netherlands or don't do as well as I somehow managed to do at all), AND the idea they need to catch up in the same amount of time that other students without the disadvantage to catch up... And of course not doing as well be cause we need additional time to catch up!

Like... University to me has been sucu a confrontation with how different classes of people (whether traditional income based or more education based) function and the inequality functions in a way I can't really find the words to express. All I know it's been very difficult and made me feel the odd one out pretty much the entire time I was studying.

How do you feel about inequality in higher education, and I guess also how do you feel about the current postgraduate system (MA/PHD).

Okay, so if I'm understanding your question correctly, you're specifically asking how I feel about how inherited privilege functions in academia, and how this contributes to overall inequality in the discipline/in regard to people involved it?

Obviously, kids from well-off homes, who have access to better education, private schools, personal tutors, cultural/learning opportunities paid for by their parents, etc. etc., all have a big advantage going into university. This doesn't always translate into actual results, but we all know about the nepotism/Ivy League kids who get into Yale while clearly not being very bright (cough cough George W. Bush) because, well, their families have always gone to Yale and it's what they do. I often see people expressing incredulity that particularly noxious American politicians, such as Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, and Ron DeSantis (who all went to Harvard/Yale/Princeton etc) act that way, because "they went to Harvard, shouldn't they know better?" This naively assumes that because Harvard is so prestigious, it must therefore teach a more Correct or Intelligent Curriculum, and totally ignores the fact that when Harvard IS in the news, it's usually for some scandal or gatekeeping or corruption, because it's functioning exactly as designed in transmitting the mentality and privilege of the American ruling class. Harvard is prestigious (and very hard to get into) because of that, not due to any extra rigor or merit in its curriculum. If you have that name on your CV, then yes, doors will automatically open for you whether or not You Personally Deserve It. That's just not the way anything works.

As such, academia reflects the inequalities that are already present in society, and it often magnifies them, especially because the long-term pursuit of higher education is, to put it bluntly, almost impossible without equally long-term funding resources. People either have to go into massive amounts of debt, or rely on having the Bank of Mom and Dad to pay for them. If you don't have and/or want either of those, your options are limited. Tons of people quit because they just can't afford to do it, they have no job options afterward, or they're burned out. Academia is a corporate structure just like everything else, and it's certainly not some magical fairyland where everyone is judged only on the quality of their ideas and nothing else. Getting an academic job is all about who you know and how you can leverage your existing connections in the field. So yeah, it can often function as a microcosm of all the other inequalities in society, and produce narratives that are, as ever, beneficial to the powerful.

That said, I do think there has been important and meaningful progress in the last few generations of scholars alone. Diversity, equality, and inclusion statements/institutional values can often sound canned and stereotypical, but the fact that they're there at all, and have broad acceptance across the academy, is remarkable and somewhat underappreciated. Ron DeSantis and his fascist footmen aren't trying so hard to totally destroy higher education in Florida (and if he wins the GOP nomination, across the country) for no reason, and conservatives aren't so hyper-obsessed with their local school boards for the same reasons. There is more awareness of marginalized narratives and dynamics in the academy than there has ever been before, and there is real and important work being done by a wide variety of incredibly diverse scholars. One critique of academia that really gets my goat, and shows me that those repeating it have no idea what they're talking about, is "academia is all old white men at elite universities!" That just isn't remotely equivalent to what things look like in 2023, or what they focus on. What about that guy who couldn't even read until he was 18, who just became Cambridge's youngest black professor at age 37? Obviously, obviously, more work needs to be done across all levels in increasing access and opportunity. But that shouldn't prevent us from recognizing the real progress that has been made, and just why anti-democratic, anti-intellectual forces perceive it as such a threat.

Likewise, academia is an incredibly fusty and outdated practice based on rules and systems originally developed about 1000 years ago, which is why it can be -- to say the least -- resistant to change. So the whole MA/PhD system is predicated on those very outdated systems, but nobody has really come up with a better one. I was very fortunate to have had the support of friends and family, including financially, while I was completing my degrees; without that, I too would not have been able to finish. Likewise, anti-intellectualism and the idea that all information is created equal, that academic expertise doesn't matter, that all intellectuals/college professors must be secretly lying to you for the power trip, etc., is something that often turns up in left-leaning as well as right-leaning spaces (see, uh, Tumblr, which tends to think that whatever is empirically true is whatever aligns with their favorite belief). So I have to push back on that as well as the rest of it, if that makes sense.

[coldgoldlazarus]

.

Still not sure how to talk to the people from the d&d group about last week.

I wanna be mature and constructive about this, but the best I can really muster is "Yeah I kinda fucked up in some spots, not trying to downplay that, but on the whole I'm just frustrated with the situation, and how all of what went wrong is being put on me in a way I feel is unfair."

I felt like I was rushed into something I wasn't entirely ready for, right on the heels of several months of stress over making sure I'd have food stamps again. Yes I volunteered for this several months beforehand, but not as an immediate thing, and more with a broad vibe than a clear pre-planned... plan. I wanted to have the time to figure out the finer details and put maps and materials together before committing to doing this, but instead between being busy with IRL shit, executive dysfunction and heat exhaustion being an absolute bitch, and my own anal-retentiveness about getting everything just right combined with not being entirely sure where to start, that didn't happen.

I really should have just said no, but everyone NEEDED SO BADLY to play something during the break from the main campaign, (even though there is a minecraft server literally right there) and the whole "if you don't pilot the EVA, Rei will be made to do so again" thing was in play with the other multishot that could have filled the gap getting off to a false start and not being entirely ready either. Plus, I wanted to get this test run out of the way so I could work on the reboot of the big magical girl campaign again while the current main one was drawing to a close. Being told July was gonna be the last chance to do that before a long stretch without interruptions kinda made me panic. So I said yes instead.

I figured given my track record, having the deadline would be a good way to ensure I actually worked on it, but like, I think it really just did more harm than good, compared to if I had let it breathe. I also thought I was a bit readier than I was, with some stuff I hadn't even considered needing to figure out cropping up right on the day of, and having to scramble to get those hashed out at the last second. So yeah, while this was going on I spent the bulk of the weeks not working on this, and then having to do the rest day-of, causing the session start time delays. (I could give a detailed breakdown on exactly what those unforseen "invisible steps" were, so they have context for why the delays kept happening the way they did, but I've already been told to my face by at least one of the group that she doesn't give a shit, so whatever.) That was a mistake on my part, not gonna try to say otherwise. I just should have said no in the first place.

And I guess there's the communication issue. That I did mess up on too, the first few weeks. I tried to do better about it last tuesday, at least, after going radio silence the prior week. I felt I did a decent job of giving updates on my progress and saying "hey this is probably happening but don't assume it is for sure until I say I am Done and Ready." It's out of my control that people went ahead and assumed it was a sure thing anyway. I literally said at one point that I needed to take the bus back home from the library and that would be causing another delay in my prep, only for someone to say "okay this is happening definitely at exactly when she gets home" and I had to say, no, that's just when I'll be getting home, I still have more setup to do after that. And it's a hard fucking balancing act in giving ETAs because people get mad if you give too big a number, but then I also tend to take longer than I estimate...

I should have just called it off then and there tbh. Just didn't wanna let people down second week in a row. Not that that worked out anyway.

And of course the straw to break the camel's back was that A: There was another thing I needed to finish that I thought I had already done, but had in fact only half-completed, B: one of the other players dipped out on account of a migraine, and I hate leaving people out on principle but everyone else wanted to go ahead anyway, and C: on top of those, this was suddenly needing to be the last session before the main campaign resumes yesterday, so I'd have to rush to complete yet another session's worth of content while running one. And also I'd been up for 26 hours straight at this point. How the fuck was I supposed to react? I needed to remove myself from the situation and I needed sleep.

(I will readily admit that waking up still pissed the next morning and pouring all my complaints into a shitty meme format generator was not a mature course of action. Again, not pretending I'm blameless here.)

...

Anyway, my takeaway from where and how I did fuck up and why, is that I'm just not cut out for this.

After the first run of the magical girl campaign crashed and burned, I figured out a lot of the hows and whys, and found solutions to those problems to enact for next time. But none of that was even relevant to where this one went wrong, so that's a whole new set of problems to also find answers for, and Idk how to do that other than just having everything already ready to go beforehand. A luxury I just don't think this group would be willing to afford.

And furthermore, on sitting back and discussing both campaigns and my approach, I think the way I'm coming at this is fundamentally incompatible with what the rest of the group wants out of a campaign, and this would extend to trying to reboot the big one as well. I don't really enjoy TTRPGs as a medium in practice as much as in theory, because I just function better telling a planned story, not playing an improv game. It's a bit frustrating when it feels like the rest of the group doesn't care about my big grand narrative, but on having the time to reflect on it, I think that one's a Me Problem and a symptom of the incompatible approaches. There's nothing wrong with either, but the two don't exactly mesh well. And this is only one example of that clashing, same happened with me as a player. (The worst of which was when I tried changing my approach! It didn't work and backfired harder!)

(Literally the one exception where things did go well, was because that character I was playing was a super easygoing, down-for-whatever and in-the-moment type, and that campaign didn't last long enough for something to go wrong anyway.)

What happened on Tuesday was basically me ragequitting, but my decision to leave altogether is not. It's me recognizing that I'm the weak link here, and so it would just be better for both me and the group for me to stop trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.

But of course, it seems at least some of them are mad at me over that, too. There's no winning.

So in the end, I don't really know what to say. Yeah, I fucked up. But no, I don't feel I fucked up badly enough to warrant this level of vitriol. I tried to learn from what went wrong and communicate better instead of shutting down, but that only does so much when people just decide what I said differently like with the bus thing, or change plans on me at the last second. I'm frustrated as hell, but not mad at the people, I'm just upset and annoyed that they're so mad at me.

I tried to do my best in time, but the timing was all wrong, and my best just wasn't good enough. Sorry.

[sevilemar]

Hello, Hope you're having a good day/night ahead. I'm the anon who sent that ask about the secondaries.

Hello nonny, I am having a good day reading all about Eberron's Fairhaven, painting NPC minis, and drawing train compartment maps in preparation for our DnD session tomorrow.

Firstly, the shc quiz sorts me into snake primary, and badger secondary. I suspect i may have burned and unburned or am currently burnt. i also suspect that i may have adhd.

Thank you for the information, let's see what the community can add to this *cracks knuckles* (and by this I don't only mean me, because if anyone wants to chime in, please feel free. I don't usually do this anymore, and haven't done it much in general).

The thing where the quiz says, 'all has gone to shit what do you do?' i don't know each time i imagine a hypothetical situation - i just know what to do - either by some prior knowledge or a miraculous room/situation reading

I don't actually remember the question, but it has been some years since I last took the test^^. There is a reason why hypotheticals are only useful to a certain extend, though. Real stories, preferably about small every-day stuff, are much better for sorting someone in general.

I also analyse things all the time, like all the time. its kind of a habit. I'm having a conversation? i'm analysing what i'm saying, what your reaction and answers are, and responding based on what you say.

It kind of sounds birdy, but I know a few people who do this, too, and I don't think they are all bird secondary. I do it, and I don't think I am a bird. I'm thinking more of 'learning/trying to improve social interactions', and/or 'having insecurities around social interactions' when I read it, which could happen regardless of secondaries. Could also be burning, as you said.

i'm not good at lying in the moment but if thought about at least once i can lie easily. makes me feel a liiittle icky - but not always & not if its for good reason.

Half a point against lion then, though feeling icky while lying is mostly about primaries.

Snake: I envy this secondary so effing much (at least, by the quiz's description), i want to be them! but also am in awe of how they seem to code switch shift and maintain that? and not grow tired of it? i would love to be able to do this, but i know i'm not capable of holding onto that for long, or at all.

Not feeling capable of doing something, saying it's tiring, can be burned language, where you do not feel at home with any secondarie's methods at all, and therefore they are all tiring. Or it can be one of the other secondaries admiring they do not experience in the same way. Only you can decide what it is, nonny.

But some of the notes of the description the quiz gives like, [maneuverability] i love this word there - i just - what a good word. beautiful word to describe how i sometimes feel i am & want to be.

I lack the context for the word atm, and I do not have the time to look it up. My best guess is that if you are not snake secondary, you might be on your way to acquiring a model because you admire what it represents. Or you are unburning a snake secondary. Again, you tell me, nonny.

[While a Snake secondary might find creative interpretations and presentations of the truth to be comforting and necessary] YES

I agree. Though not while talking to lion secondaries, and other people who value honesty above everything else. It is an interesting experience consciously trying to be in neutral for someone^^

I mostly just want to be this secondary, but i know i can't i'm not quick enough, or smart enough for this, it sounds exhausting and exhilarating at the same time.

OK, first things first. You do not need to be smart to be snake secondary, or quick necessarily. Shocker, I know ;)

Yes, this might be how others see us, or it might not, depending on if you are good at multiplayer or not. But in my experience, snake secs mostly do not see themselves thus. Not necessarily. We might have treasured social memories that go in this direction, but otherwise, we are just average and trying our best, just like everyone else.

Bird: I know i collect, but the quiz just makes it sound way more important than it is and i don't really do it like that - like, its not even recent info - this is info i collected when i was younger (im 20 now)

Hm, I think I do not really know what you mean by collect here. In my understanding, birds like to collect stuff/knowlegde/people/etc. not because they need them right now, not even necessarily because they might need them later, but just because it is fun, or their brain demands it.

For myself, I cannot stand to collect anything that I do not love or use, and 'I might need it later' is a pet peeve of mine. But I am not only a snake sec, I am also a minimalist, and I suspect this is far more of the latter than the former.

Let's say half a point for bird?

I don't think i build tools for specific situations either, i just go in, analyse what's going on, and just know what i can do to work on this

Sounds pretty situational to me.

i do like preparing for situations, a tiny prep a while before would help tons. Throw me in without prior warning, i'll panic a teensy bit and then adapt - by coming up with plans on the fly, but its a little stressful, but i will rise to the occasion.

Hm, maybe bird model? Although the way you say 'coming up with plans on the fly' and 'it's a little stressful' do make me think there's a bit more to the bird. Although the former can just be a phrasing issue, and the latter might be burned talk. Another half point for bird?

[When the only point of learning, preparing, or studying is because you want to? ] This i get so totally. I love learning.

I love learning, too, but only when there is a practical reason for it. I learned about group management while I was leading a group for some time. I learned about shading and colour theory when I started painting minis. I am re-learning music theory because I need it for my guitar practice, etc.

This might be just a me thing, or it might be a difference between snake and bird, I don't know.

Lion: [Lion secondaries are self-defined. Their integrity and their honesty is a deal with themselves, not others. ] This i so totally get.

A point for lion then.

[they act based on what they believe, who they are, and what they think is the right thing to do. ] not always, but yes, i do agree I'm quite direct i've been told, and honest. i can be this. and i don't mind being it - but not always - which makes me think this miight be a model? idk

Might be a model, or might be burning. I have seen this in some unburning lions I know, so could be both. But the way you phrased it ('I don't mind being it') feels more like a model or a performance to me.

I just love how lions get shit done.

Who doesn't?

like yes, go them! i wish i could do that and be less wishy-washy about it. i hesitate a lot.

Man, this reminds me so strongly of a currently unburning lion secondary I know. I give burned lion a big point for this, actually

And finally, Badger: The thought of me being a badger secondary - irritates me, annoys me, i don't want it - though i suspect i might be. i don't like it at all. i don't know why

Might be interesting for you to find out more about why you are so against it. I have the same kind of feelings about bird secondary, and though I have not come to a satisfying conclusion on it, the journey so far was very rewarding.

-My culture is quite a badger-secondary culture

Not just your culture, your family too as you describe later. Maybe it has something to do with your antipathy? ;)

[Badger Secondaries invest themselves into their world with service and support.] uhh no, i'd much rather be alone

I'd say you might be an introvert, which does not mean you couldn't be badger sec. But we count it against badger for the moment.

the quiz keeps giving me badger and i don't relate all that much i do wish it worked that way though - people you know coming to aid, reputation preceding you - the goals.

This definitely sounds like you have bad experiences with groups/communities, with being on the outside of them, etc. It also could be burned badger talk ('I wish it worked that way'). Maybe you'll find a reason for your burning if you get into it more? I wouldn't know, I am not a therapist.

[a Badger wants to show up. They want to work well and fairly. They want to achieve things honestly and stand on solid ground. ] i used to be this a lot? i still am, but its more ehhhhhh don't care, just get things done. i need it done.

Either you were unburned then and are burned now, or you had a model and it is burned now. Either way, this is 100% burned talk.

[They pour labor, time, and love into what they care about and those investments pay themselves back in time. ] No (this totally describes my mum, to an extent my dad, and my paternal grandmother by the way)

So not only is your culture badger sec, your family is, too. No wonder you have issues with this particular secondary, whether it is yours or not.

i also don't mind cutting corners - like the badger way sounds right, but also seems tiring. like, is there no better way. this - i can't- i did this all through most of school, and i'm now done with it.

This also is strong burned talk, either of a model or of your secondary.

How i deal w people: i do match their energy, and respond how i think they'd react well to, but also analysis, and observation.

Sounds fluid to me, with a nice bird model to help improve your interactions. Feels very familiar ;)

Also, if i've interacted with certain people under a specifc role, or they've seen me in a particular way for a long while - i struggle to be any way different with them, like i canNot. help.

Hm, interesting. I don't think it has to do with sorting much, though? At least for neurotypicals, putting people in specific roles and boxes is how we function socially, and fighting that requires constant effort. I think it happens to all of us all the time, and it is not a bad thing as long as you are fine with your assigned roles.

Can even be fun to play with it a little, you know? Shocking people mildly with hinting at other sides of you, and watching how they react.

Low stakes problem solving - cause secondary is the how- in game, unless i figure it out in a short while i go use the cheatsheet, i don't like to stress on just a game.

Sensible ;) And either burned, snake, or bird.

Difficult problem solving: take in info, understand everything. what do i know, how do i feel,what's the situation. if conflict between what needs to be done, and how i feel/what i feel/think is right - come to a compromise, and act. but do - if all thinky stuff fails go with gut.

You know, this rather sounds like lion to me, with the emphasis on acting and doing shit, and going with your gut. Could also be frustrated burned talk, because when nothing feels right, I at least tend to not do anything, and then after a while get frustrated and just do whatever to just do something.

that's all i can think of. Thank you, i hope this is enough for you to help me out. Do feel free to reorder this so its more helpful to you. Have a nice day! And sorry, for the long(er than i even expected) message, and for bothering you.

More burned talk, what with the bothering and all, or just cultural differences. It's not a bother; I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't wanted to crack my knuckles on this, and I appreciate you asking beforehand.

I think you are definitely burned secondary; there is just too much burned talk here for you not to be. It is difficult to say what is under it, but I get slightly liony vibes from it, or (and I am sorry to say it) also badger.

But I really do not know you enough to say if you once had a badger model and it burned because you couldn't live in it anymore and your lion wanted out, or if your badger got burned because it did not present in the right way to fit with the badger secondary expectations your family and culture had for you.

I do not know how to help you find out, or how to help you unburn your secondary. I only know that you sound like you could use a break, and I hope you get to have one. I definitely send some hugs and positive vibes your way.

[justtrashperson]

So a while back you drew art of the sonic!lads feat. the metal virus, and if you have any further ideas on that matter I would love to hear them!

Totally fine if not and you just wanted to draw some cool art, but the whole metal virus arc was one of my favourites in the idw comics ^-^'

KAJSKA that’s fair, I'm currently also brain rotting over sonic prime and the sonic!Lads again so luckily I do have lore for you. Also same metal virus arc was one of my favorites too

Though it was a while ago, I might forgot some details about the arc so yeah sorry if there’s anything missing or wrong lmao

Anyway this got so long bc I like to ramble so read more it is

So, I guess the Sonic!Lads universe exist somewhat within the idw sonic canon, like the actual sonic characters do exist but are vaguely there, so restoration hq or whatever it was still exist, G.U.N. Exist somewhat, there’s the Babylonians, etc.

Anyway, This was probably a while after all the lads are friends, which is probably a very bad timing, considering the whole lore with Brian, but we'll get to it someday.

Basically at first the whole thing was like the idw, where everyone didn't notice at first, but when they did, it was far too late.

Kevin and RT are roommates, and since RT does have an extreme gear, they managed to bail out, taking some necessary equipment specifically to survive/camp, and jumps out of a fucking window kasjaskj (okay maybe a bit dramatic but the whole place outside are already swarming with zombots so what are they supposed to do)

Brian was at Daithi's place, doing some check ups to make sure his robot parts didn't act up again, before the garage doors started banging, and as they went to the window, they see that the outside was also swarming with Zombots. Daithi started to tell Brian to get anything he can get while he himself tries to take some tech he made that might be useful, before the doors broke and the zombots started coming. They managed to get away safely because of Daithi's bounce shoes (though he was almost caught) and Brian's rocket shoes.

Sean was working in his shift on the coffee shop, before he saw people running away, and before the windows at the shop broke because of the zombots. He wasn't home, and there was only a few things that can held them back, so He just ran away, trying to find somewhere safe, bringing anything he can.

ANYWAY, RT and Kevin managed to find a shelter that was created by the restoration HQ and stayed there for a while. Dan works with others to try and save other people by using his extreme gear, while Kevin helps inside the shelter as much as he can.

Brian and Daithi was camping from place to place before getting a notice that there was a restoration HQ ship near them. They tried to make a run for it while getting chased by the Zombots, before they got surrounded just close to the ship. They fought as hard as they can before Brian just, picks Daithi up and throws him into the ship, leaving him behind. There's a whole 'I'm not leaving you again!' scene or something, (like that one scene with Vector and Espio) where Daithi tries to get out and help, but was stopped by the other civillians inside, while he watched Brian getting consumed by the horde.

Sean manages to run into the shelter Dan and Kevin is in, and helps too, while getting a few supplies. He works both Inside and outside, sometimes becoming Intel for whatever is happening outside and helping Dan get out of tight situations.

Anyway, Daithi later also arrives, informing the Lads about Brian's situation. Sean decides to help, Dan too whenever he can, while Kevin still mostly stays inside, but going outside once or twice if the other lads aren't there to help Daithi.

Though things got worse. After one particular nasty situation, Dan eventually catches the virus when he was out with Sean, rescuing any alive civilians. Sean went to help him, but Dan just, told him to go, to go back to the HQ while with the consciousness he still had, Dan will try and stop any Zombots while Sean and the others escape.

We get back to Brian and he did got infected, his robot parts are trying to fight through the virus since it mostly affected his alive parts, so some of his consciousness is there. He tried his best to help others escape, but it is becoming hard as his own robot side starts to get corrupted.

Sean later also got infected while going through an abandoned city, trying to find any survivor, before eventually encountering a horde with some other people and tried to run for it, but he got pulled by the zombots as he was climbing a ladder to the roof, and eventually turned into a zombot.

I'll try to make this quick, but at the end the only lads who weren't infected are Kevin and Daithi. They did go through some tight stuff, almost getting infected here and there. At the end before every virus was taken away, the shelter was ambushed and they were trying to hold them back as best as they can, though after months and maybe year? I forgot how long the fucking arc was of fighting and surviving, they are getting very exhausted. But good timing since the whole end of the arc happened, and the virus vanished.

Later on both of them tried to find where the other lads were, though Dan did find his extreme gear again and managed to go to the shelter again, reuniting with Kevin and Daithi, Sean was later found in an abandoned building while Brian was inside another shelter with other people.