#but i feel bad bc she's worked here five years and i'm only in the door a year but she's being fired and not me

[mccleans]

the company i work for is about to go through a period of restructure whatever the fuck that means but my best friend (who works with me) just got told by our boss that they're firing her

[eddiegettingshot]

can you talk more about your thoughts on shannon? i don't how to feel about the way they're kind of rewriting history a bit and mythologizing her and eddie's relationship in s6 and s7. i also really don't like acting like eddie "abandoning" them (i.e. offering financial support, health insurance, and remaining in contact while at war) and shannon abandoning them (basically no contact for years from what we know, no financial or any other kind of support, only re-entered the picture after eddie reached out) are equivalent; ik a lot of that comes from eddie who i can understand feeling that way (esp bc of how he felt about his father) but the show doesn't really challenge that view in any way. also the divorce conversation seemed a bit ambiguous on whether she actually planned on staying in chris' life but maybe i'm misremembering.

i have pretty much zero sympathy for shannon because i don't think there's any excuse for abandoning your child without a word, especially not because his disability made you feel Guilty and everything was just too hard to deal with and it was just too hard to come back. her actions made sense given the situation, but i don't think any of it was justifiable. the divorce discussion was weird - i took it to mean that she was planning on taking things slow with her reentry into chris's life, instead of the three of them jumping into being a family? working out some kind of custody agreement after divorcing, etc? i know there are less generous readings that suggest she was just going to run again, but i'm not sure the conversation itself necessarily supports that.

and yeah, it actually is really strange to me to act like eddie's service and shannon's leaving were remotely the same thing, and it's also really strange to act like eddie was obligated to leave texas three months after returning from war, where he had been GRIEVOUSLY injured. there was obviously a solution here but she ran before they could even attempt to figure it out. and then when she came back, she was judgmental and honestly pretty manipulative. whatever their marriage was before, i don't think she was treating eddie right when she came back.

i'm not sitting here trying to be like, eddie did nothing wrong - he was a bad husband. he made assumptions about what shannon wanted from him, didn't make any effort to communicate, made broad decisions about what was best for them, etc. they were absolutely not on the same page and i don't think he was making any effort to get on the same page. even when they were "together" again you see that he's not really talking to her about important stuff, like their finances (in oceans 9-1-1 when she asks about the surfing lessons he just tells her not to worry about it).

their marriage was bad because of the circumstances surrounding it: they were too young to have a kid or be married, eddie went to war presumably because (he felt) that was his only option to provide for his family, going to war just fucking sucks for everyone because war sucks and the military fucking sucks, it fucking sucks to navigate medical care in the u.s., etc. etc. i don't think shannon was at fault for finding any of this difficult. but the solution was... not whatever she actually did, and i do think that she turned a lot of the blame and frustration she was feeling onto eddie in a way that was unfair, if a somewhat understandable impulse.

but. literally nothing makes up for the fact that she left her, what, five year old son? because shit was just too hard. that's not how that works! and eddie has internalized everything that happened here to the extent that i don't think he even recognizes it as a trauma. it's just a part of him. he sees himself as shannon saw him. he's spent the last five years trying to make amends to a ghost. and i think that acting like they were both equally culpable is just taking eddie at his word, when his word is famously Not Reality.

[xerith-42]

I decided to watch Void Paradox

I'm about five minutes into the first episode and I'm still not entirely sure if this is a good idea or not, but Laurance has already spoken like three lines of dialogue and I felt my heart wrench at just one of them, so clearly I'm in too deep now.

This post serves as my live tweeting/mental break down that I am currently having as we speak. It is very incomprehensible because it is literally just my thoughts as they happen, and given how much I have to say, I'll probably make proper posts out of a lot of these points once I finish the series.

This mess is just giving you a taste of the madness I truly posses.

I am only three minutes in before I have to pause and feel the urge to scream about how bad the dialogue in Aphmau series can be. Like this series is fairly okay, especially based on the standard set by her other shows but man... something is just not working here. The whole thing feels very clunky and while I can get the gist of what Jess is going for, the execution of said gist is leaving a lot to be desired.

[Laurance shows up]

nevermind Laurance is on screen and fully voice acted everything is better

Literally nobody talk to me I need to scream about Laurance Zvahl because he is EVERYTHING in this series. The way he very softly says Aph's name when he sees her, the immediate instinct to hug her because he's so relieved to see her, the fact that you can hear the smile in his voice the minute he registers that she's there and alive!! AUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!

And I literally screamed when he revealed that he was transported to this AU right at the end of season 1. Oh my Irene, I screamed. I collapsed. I was truly defeated by a single line of dialogue. I don't know where this series is going to go but I am here for it. And the fact that he knows Garroth did it and hid it from her???

I can't overstate how genuinely healing it is to hear Laurance fully voice acted. I know Sebastian Todd is retired from voice acting, but when he retired, he took down all his posts, including what I considered to be a comfort video. That video of him reading iconic Laurance lines from before he was in mcd/lines he just didn't act? That video was my everything when I was trying to hold onto this version of the character I knew I loved who was different to what Jess made him. When that video got taken down it was a major cowabummer bc there's so little properly voice acted Laurance content that isn't mcd Season 3 or My Street stuff (and I can't stand My Street like 80% of the time)

Hearing his voice, hearing him get to be properly expressive, it's just doing things to me man. I missed this character a lot. I've mostly been enjoying him through fan content or my own work. It's nice to say I enjoy a piece of canon content involving him, at least so far.

Still not sure how I feel about literally anything else. The whole relationship between Aph and Tommy feels very... weird. She describes herself as "basically his mother" after she's left with him, and treats him like it in the opening scene. But then when he's mocking her for being attracted to Laurance (so relatable), it seems really weird for a [checks wiki] 14 year old kid to be calling out his mom for finding someone hot. Feels a lot more like sibling dialogue to me? Which I guess they could be seen as siblings, but the series explicitly stated that she views it like motherhood??? But I don't think Jess is even thinking that deeply about it, I just over analyze her work for fun at this point.

Okay what the actual fuck is going on with the inside of this house???

Why is the color scheme purple and yellow? And not in any kind of flattering way which is possible with opposite colors, it just has both of them. The wallpaper changes when you get into the living room except not entirely on the windows, and in an earlier scene it looked like it wasn't even put onto all of the walls. And the wood that she used as supports just does not compliment either of these colors as they are. Just make it all purple, you know you want to Jess.

Also is the texture on the table and the glass the same??? I don't know a damn thing about modding or making texture/data packs for minecraft but that just seems. odd.

Laurance: mentions the nether Me: [screams just a little]

Tommy: shows up and gives a random ass lore dump Aph: Kay thanks go back to your room

"I don't know what I can do to help."

"Just be there for me. I just need someone to ground me right now."

I literally want to shake Laurance around like a rag doll and give him a stupid kiss on his stupid fucking face UGH why can't I be normal about this block man and his stupid feelings?!?! The way his voice breaks as despair sets in?? The fact that he's no doubt pieced together that Garroth probably stole the amulet and plans to use it to hurt Aph and he can't do anything about it?? I'm literally losing it.

How did I not watch this series before.

Literally about to cry over him just calling Aph "M'lady" out of pure instinct. He didn't consciously do that. He just misses her that much.

oh no spooky evil alternate Laurance or whatever--

MAN I'm so happy I decided to watch this series. This was probably a mistake though :)

[bingbongsupremacy]

The Letter Pt. 3

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem! reader

Warnings: She/Her pronouns used

Summary: Ellie and Y/N are in two very different social groups at school. One day when Y/N's crush is cruelly exposed in front of the whole school, Y/N is brutally shot down. Finally, five years later the two run into each other again.

High School AU

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

*Not Proof Read*

A/N: Day one is bad. I didn't know what to do for the first day. I just wanted it to look awkward af bc it's supposed to be super awkward and tense between Ellie and reader. Guys idk how good this is. I feel like I had an idea but idk if I executed it very well. I kinda just ran out ideas for this story. Lmk what you think. Also sorry for not updating yesterday. I just started a new job and shit's wack. I feel like whenever I go to work my body insecurities get worse, ya know? Idk why. Maybe it's the uniform or whatever but I just feel shitty whenever I show up. Anyways, ya'll aren't here for my life story so here's what you came for.

Also I changed it to only three days bc I couldn't think of enough things for them to do.

*****

Day One

Trixie's. Must be a new business.

I don't remember it being here before.

A cool breeze brushes past me as soon as I walk in. The first thing I notice is the large bar in the back of the room. What I'd give for a fucking beer right now...

We sit towards the back of the building. A waitress is quick to bring us some bright red menu's. " I'll be right with you two in a moment. " She smiles before rushing off.

Ellie and I are silent as we scan over the menu's. I don't think either of us knows exactly what to say. I mean, what the hell are you supposed to someone who caused you so much pain?

Just one hour.

Ellie sets down her menu. " Hey so, there's a fair coming through town this week. Do you maybe want to go on Thursday? " She asks cautiously.

I glance up at her. Bad mistake.

Fuck she's hot.

" Um, " Fuck I don't know. Do I want to go? Fuck. " Sure. " I shrug, setting aside my menu. " I mean we've got to do something Thursday anyways, why not? "

The rest of the evening seems to drag on. Small talk is quickly overcome with awkward silence.

How the fuck am I going to do this for 6 more days?

_____

Day 2

Here we go again.

I pull into the movie theater parking lot. People flow in and out of the building, smiles adorning their faces.

I spot Ellie waiting by the entrance, cigarette in hand. " Hey. " I greet with a tight smile.

" Oh hi! " Ellie smiles, snuffing out the bud. " Ya ready? " She asks.

" Yup. " I mumble. In an ideal world both of us will end up disagreeing on a movie to watch and end up splitting up to watch our own show. I doubt it'll happen, but a girl can dream.

" What should we watch? " Ellie asks while looking through the movies. " Oh shit, the Savage Starlight movie came out. " She mutters, her eyes lighting up slightly.

" Wait really? " I glance over her shoulder to look. " I thought it was coming out next month. "

Ellie nods. " Me too. Should we watch it? "

" Sure. "

At least something good will come out of this.

" That fucking sucked. " Ellie blurts as we walk out of the building. " Whoever made that needs to fucking read the comics. "

" Oh my god, I thought I was the only one. " I sigh. " They completely ruined the plot. "

Ellie nods in agreement. " And Daniela Star...fuck what the hell did they do to her costume? "

I chuckle. " They sexified it. Like bro, just let a girl live without having to show her tits. " I roll my eyes.

" Yeah. "

There's a moment of comfortable silence. No tension. No anger. Just two people bonding over a comic series. For a moment I almost things feel okay.

" I don't know about you, but I'm fucking hungry. Do you wanna grab something to eat? " Ellie asks.

" You read my mind. " I nod, pushing myself off of the wall. " Where are we going? "

Ellie and I walk down the street to a small pizza joint.

" I'll have the cheese pizza, please. " I say after examining the menu.

" Alright, your total is $4.50. "

" I got it. " Ellie pulls out her wallet before I can speak. She hands over a five dollar bill. " Keep the change. "

" Ellie. " I shake my head. " You've paid for everything so far. I can't let you do this. " I try to hand her another five.

Ellie backs up shaking her head. " No. I told you I was gonna make what I did up to you. This is the least I can do. "

We quickly grab our food and head outside.

" This shit is the best. " Ellie mutters between bites. " I don't know why I haven't been here in so long. I used to love this place as a kid. "

" Marco slips something in his dough, I swear. " I agree. " I haven't found another place with pizza this good. "

The sound of crickets fills the air. A small click captures my attention.

" That shit's gonna kill you. "

Ellie shrugs, lighting up the end of her cigarette. " At least I'll die happy. "

I roll my eyes. " You'll die hacking up blood. "

Ellie's nose crinkles slightly. " Thanks for the visualization, dad. " She mocks slightly. " I only smoke when I'm nervous or stressed. "

I purse my lips. " Ellie Williams, are you nervous right now? "

Ellie doesn't respond. Instead she takes a deep breath.

" What happened to you, Ellie. " I ask genuinely curious. " You used to be... "

" Perfect? "

" I was gonna say an asshole. "

Ellie chuckles. " I grew a fucking spine. I ended up cutting majority of my friends off and dropping out of college. Now I sell weed and work at a supermarket. " She says nonchalantly.

" Definitely a big character change. "

Ellie grins. " Speaking of weed. " She pulls out a blunt. " You ever try one? "

" Of course. "

Maybe tonight won't be so bad.

-----

Day 3 (Thursday)

" I will win that stupid bear if it's the last thing I do. " Ellie huffs in frustration. Her face hardens in concentration as she tosses another dart at the dart board.

" You really don't need to, Ellie. " I grin at her 20th attempt.

Ellie doesn't respond. A small alarm goes off as Ellie finally makes the final dart into the center of the board. " Fuck yeah, baby! " She cheers. " Told you I'd do it, Y/N. "

I roll my eyes. " Yeah yeah. "

Ellie accepts the large stuffed bear from a game operator who's obviously very annoyed with us. Yeah, we've been here a bit.

" Here, this is yours. " Ellie hands me the large brown bear.

" Are you sure? You spent like 40 bucks trying to win this thing. "

Ellie takes a sip of her beer. " It was worth the smile on your face. Keep it. "

The past couple of days have been...unexpected. I came into this fully expecting to hate Ellie when I leave.

Now I'm not so sure.

We make our way to our last ride of the night; The Ferris Wheel.

" God, Jackson looks beautiful up here. " I sigh while peering down at the bright lights.

Ellie hums in agreement. " It's a nice breather from the world. I feel like I can just...be. "

" It definitely is. " I glance over at Ellie.

She looks back at me. Her smile slightly falters. " I guess this is it. "

It's the third day.

Have I forgiven her? I'm not sure. On one hand, I don't feel like she's the same person. On the other hand, how can I be sure. I mean, I haven't been here in five years. She could be lying for all I know.

" I'm not sure about you, Ellie. I don't think three days is enough time to fix what happened. "

Ellie nods, gaze dropping to her lap.

" But I'd like to get to know you. "

She head snaps up. Confusion flashes across her expressions. She obviously wasn't expecting me to want to talk to her after this.

" Maybe I can...stay a little longer. "

A grin spreads across Ellie's features. " I'd like that. "

" Well then. To new beginnings. "

" To new beginnings. "

I don't really like this last chap. I might remake it if I can come up with some ideas for it. Hopefully some of you guys still enjoyed it.

Tag list (Sorry if I missed you): @octavias-next-meat-bite @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @3lliesrifle @mokeysthings @mqddieas @elliesinterlude @ashlqyy @villainousbear

[astralartefact]

FFXIV Dawntrail Review Part 1 - Where I tell you if I liked it and also Bingo(?)

This post contains spoilers for all of Dawntrail's Main Story up until the Ending!

Hmm.

I'm a little bit embarrassed to write this. I genuinely didn't expect this. Should I have? No. I was perfectly right to not see this coming.

I really loved Dawntrail. Like. You don't understand.

I don't really rank the FFXIV Expansions (except that Heavensward is last) but Dawntrail might be up there. It's 2:00 am and I will probably delete this when I reread it when I have slept over it, but I might genuinely call this my favorite X.0 so far. (read over it and at least for now i will stand by it) (keep in mind most enjoyed =/= best and "best art" doesn't exist)

I know it won't be popular in the community, I've already known that 30% through and by the many, many posts proudly announcing that they do not like Wuk Lamat it seems like that Dawntrail truly will be Stormblood 2.0 in the eyes of the public - but what can I say, I loved it. I had a fantastic time.

There is a bunch of criticisms I've read that I disagree with. I thought the WoLs place in the story was great. What do you people mean by 'We're not the main character anymore' it has literally always been like this except that usually we don't only have one dedicated Expansion Character that gets this much of a monopoly on screentime (see Ryne) - by which I mean, are you jealous? - but also that isn't 'bad', they're allowed to do that and I liked it. also how do you go through this expansion and arrive at "we weren't the main character" - bro, everybody told us at every corner how happy they are we're here bc without us none of this would remotely work. also they literally teased the key is an azem thing clearly this is build up for something

I liked the pacing, I enjoyed the slowburn build-up of Wuk going through the nuances of her people's individual problems before turning to the actual crisis. I know people are big mad that the MSQ gameplay is mainly just Fetch Quests and Cutscenes - which is something we'll get back to - but tbh I didn't even think it was that bad? I feel like we had expansions that were far worse about it....

I also loved Wuk Lamat! I liked that she grew relatively quickly and continouosly, aside from the Seasickness Joke they repeated too often, and I was surprised how much genuinely smart and thought through things she added to the conversation. One example I remember is her bringing up that she would rather learn and fix why people are committing crimes in the first place instead of just 'adding police' - without anybody prompting her to learn that. I don't know, I just really appreciated that.

I even liked Bakool Ja Ja, there I said it. I knew people would be really mad about Wuk just forgiving him and his dad especially after the kind of stuff they did - the internet has become really weird about forgiveness the past few years especially if it's "unearned" whatever that means - but like, you guys know this is a story, right, he didn't threaten to murder someone in real life. Immersion is good and all, but you know you're playing FF14, right, a game that's 50% a Saturday Morning Cartoon, 50% Game of Thrones for a Young Adult Audience. also it's kind of necessary for the theme of the whole narrative for him to do something we 'hate' him for more than the others - and i guess i would agree that they could have written the details around it better - but what's there is there for a reason. if you want to know more that's what Part 2 is going to be for.

Which brings me back to the Fetch Quests. Listen, I'm not really defending anything here, I do agree that the MSQ gameplay could probably be a little more engaging - There's just a thing I thought that keeps coming up in other contexts too:

At which point does this become a "Consumer Problem" instead of a "Developer Problem"?

We're five expansions in. If all expansions before have been structurally exactly like this, at which point is it your problem for expecting it to be different. What I mean is, if you played four parts of a Visual Novel and then you play part 5 and complain that the gameplay is getting stale, I hope we can agree that, like, that's a you problem. If you don't want to read then why are you playing a Visual Novel.

Again, I'm not really trying to 'defend' the core issue - even Serialized Mediums, for all the security their regularity brings them, should mix it up a little sometimes and expressing that want as an audience member is completely fine with me - but I feel like this is also at least a little bit a perspective issue. Like. I'm so sorry to tell you that this is just the game you're playing. This probably won't change and it's probably better to not expect it to for your own sake - and yes, I'm so sorry but to some degree navigating your experience of this game is your own responsibility. What I'm saying is Skip Dialogue if you're bored. Farm a Dungeon. Are you guys not doing Fates on your way to a quest marker? I keep seeing people say 'I didn't fight against a single monster as part of the msq' - Well, That wasn't a problem I had, I fought constantly! There are monsters right there for you to fight! Like. Make your own fun!

Anyways, time to look at my bingo card!

(My WoL = Happened, Krile = Depending on who you ask, Sphene = Jury is still out) Certainly better than my Endwalker one!!

One thing I noticed while playing Dawntrail is how bitter exactly Myths of the Realm has made me about this game and i'm so sad!! Like, how did I forget how completely this game is made specifically for me. I will just fail to not like it, because I get it and it gets me. at least until 8.0 when whoever wrote Myths of the Realm gets to write the expansion

Let's go through the noteable ones.

ill-advised azem lore drop - is in hot water, because they did seem to imply that the novelty wine glass of shard travel has to do with azem.

someone sundered knows more than us - krile's parents count and also Gagool Ja Ja's party too to some extent

the forgotten people went to tural - for two seconds!!! technically correct!!!

questionable armor design choices - some of the second dye slots. choices were made.

somebody "important" (but not too important) dies - i didn't expect them to write meaningful side character deaths, but they did so... i guess on a technicality i win?

the twelfth shard is involved // they talk about sundering meta physics

this room. they're so mean. they talk about the silly masks but not about the fact that apparently whatever shard this is either has three moons or two other planets in its solar system. you knew what you were doing q_q

y:da did it better - hahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM A FOOL! MEGUMI ONOZUKA! I KNOW THIS WAS YOUR DOING AND YOU CANNOT HIDE ANY LONGER! YOU ARE NOW ON MY LIST OF NAMES TO SHOUT!!!! If my theory in Part 2 turns out incorrect then I'm so sorry about this, buT IF I'M NOT THEN---!!!!

Shaaloani did not win me over - it being the padding zone really didn't help.

Erenville did not Outfit Change - but given the ending he's probably going to at some point. And I hope he stays around :)

who needs eternal life anyways - They tried to be a little bit more understanding about it and make it a "it's just not worth what it costs" sort of thing, but they did still say at least once - verbatim! - that "Eternal Life is Bad, Full Stop, you people suck and are failing the human game by not dying"

Something Actually Unexpected Happens - I was surprised by the Final Zone. Maybe it's not Actually Unexpected because in a way it's just "Amaurot meets What Myths of the Realm should have been" - but if that doesn't count I still didn't expect the devs to fully ugly down that zone when you're done with it lol. Shutting down the first one and realizing they didn't just mean it would be left empty, it's dead and fully without music physically hurt and it made going through the other three hurt so much more. I loved it. Like. Wow.

I guess to that, I was indeed reminded of Myths of the Realm - but not in the way I intended this square to be so I didn't mark it. Like. I wrote this in another post but how were these two in development at the same time???? What??? They come to radically different conclusions on the exact same premise and the only difference is that one is about Religion and the other about Eternal Life????

Was the last zone the original draft for Myths of the Realm and then they were like 'no that's too good, let's do that in the MSQ instead' and then they panicked and produced godly waste?? God, I kind of hope, that would mean that whoever wrote it didn't wholeheartedly mean what they wrote.

I'm not willing to let Wuk Lamat Distaste be Asinine Community Reaction - sadly that was to be expected given how people still fervently hate Lyse. Similarly I haven't looked into what funny theme changing English Localization Moment they decided to add to the plot today. Btw German Localization, you are as always my heroes. Don't let the Haters tell you different, I will always love you!!! I wanted to screenshot your names in the credits for this but i HIT THE WRONG BUTTON SOMEHOW

Anyways, look forward to Part 2 where I will talk some more about why exactly I really like Dawntrail - which is mainly the Themes - about why I think Megumi Onozuka is to blame and about YORHA DARK APOCALYPSE, THAT'S RIGHT, I WILL NEVER BE FREE

[fadeintoyou1993]

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited about, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone whose posts make you smile💕

this is so cute i'll do all of them bc i'm in a good mood today :)

5 things i love about myself

i love how resilient i am :) i used to think i wasn't and i just was weak as hell and everything was too hard but by learning my limitations & understanding how the things i've been through over the years (especially growing up In My Context undiagnosed w several mental disorders) have affected me & made me into who i am today and i love that even if things get pretty bad now, i know i'll get through it somehow

i love my sense of humor. i really think i'm so funny and i'm not sorry everytime i make someone laugh i feel like i've won a million dollars

i love how passionate i am about things because whenever it gets too hard to keep going or even seeing a reason to, things i love and care about can take me out of that mindspace pretty quickly

i love my tattoos! even the smallest ones have special meanings to me and i grew up obsessed w them and wanting to have them for so long and i think it's so awesome that I just. Get to have them now. awesome

i think i'm a pretty patient/understanding/forgiving person? not w myself (altho i'm working on it so hard and it kinda shows by the first item) but i think that i'm a good friend/person that people can count to and feel comfortable to be themselves around me. sometimes it's to my own detriment (i'm also working on it but codependency is so hard) but idk i like that like, i'm not good at socialization offline due to autism, but within this little community i have built for myself over the years i have known and kept up friendships with people from different places/contexts/lives and i just. really love having friends lmao i guess that's two things? but well here u go

4 things i'm excited about

i'll have a yellowjackets watchparty sleepover w my friends on saturday!!! i'm excited abt that :)

i get the stitches off my mouth on friday HOPEFULLY so i'm also excited to be able to like. Open my mouth without feeling like i'm going to die

i'm excited to get my tracy chapman vinyl! my cousin went on a trip to são paulo w her bf last week and she said she found an awesome used record store that she wants to take me too sometime and she remembered i mentioned i was looking for this one when we were talking about the records i want ♡ i should get it sometime next week I think!!!

i'm excited to get my updated assessment results this month 😭 i miss being medicated so fucking bad my god... BUT SOON!!!!!

3 people i care about & why

@scre6m -> well dee is my bestest friend in the whole world like i dont know how we have spent most of our lives not knowing each other & icb we only know each other for lile 4 years. they r literally like a brother / sister / soulmate i've never had anyone in my life i can be so vulnerable with & know that they feel the same way like genuinely i've learned a lot abt myself / friendship / love / life in general by having a friend like him & i literally cannot imagine not having them in my life i'd probably die fr fr. dee has helped me understand i'm allowed to be myself unapologetically & i literally cannot even explain how much he means to me. whenever we have lil misunderstandings & spend like 3 hours without talking bc we r both stubborn n dumb (affectionate) its literally like in bottoms 2023 when josie and pj fight and complicated by avril lavigne is on and josie is kicking cans (dee) and pj is being a stupid bitch eating canned food on the stairs (me) literally just like that. i cannot imagine life not being tweedle bru to their tweedle dee frfr. anyways yea dee is my person 🫂 i hope in like 30 years we live in a big weed farm like in popstar: never stop never stopping

@blackfairyemoji -> tami is literally like a little sister to me like i love showing her things & love learning abt the things she cares about & i'm always like rooting so much for her. she is so incredibly talented and smart and one of the funniest people on EARTH like i'll remember some shit she said while i'm doing something and i'll just start laughingjdkdkdk she is so creative & kind & such a beautiful person inside and out and i cannot wait to see her do big things bc i know she will!! trust n believe!! thats my lil sister genuinely. and the fact she is literally the exact same age as my brother makes it all so much real frfr. my dream is to be present for the first time she gets high and listens to music

@nightmarebees -> MY WHITE DAD JACKIE BEAR.... literally love jackie so much like from the moment i saw her blog back in like 2018? or 2019? im bad w numbers but i rmr reading her description and she literally had all of my very specific niche interests listed and i was like. Dude what. we have got to become friends. and we DID!! jackie is such a kind, understanding, funny, loving person and quite literally the smartest person i know. like she knows so much whenever i have a question about something i'm like hey dad what the fuck is____ and she's like thank you for asking, and it's incredible. i love talking to her about media & literature and getting really fucking meta about things bc jackie understands and helps me organize my thoughts w her big historian brain. she's truly one of the best people i know! and i cannot wait to try her baking ���

[rarepairnation]

hi abby!! you love talking abt your fics? well, as it happens, i LOVE listening to people talk abt their fics *high-fives you* so hereee u go: 8, 17, 23, 24, 33 and 40 :)

hiiii ria thank you <333 [high fives you back] this is a beautiful synergy we are living...sorry this took me several days i just kept not having a shareable last line. for every we're so back there is always an it's so over. we're here now and that's what matters LOL

8. share the last line that you wrote

you have kept me waiting, my lord steward, she says when his footsteps stop, his reflection hovering just out of reach of her mirror.

well this is NOT umbar fic OR condolences congratulations. one day i will learn to finish one thing before i start another. but it is set in a slightly alternate version of the same reality. this is the crazy forty years later everyone lives au where aragorn is king and denethor is his steward and finduilas is actually the one running the place. it’s just an excuse for me to write “what if we made our healthy loving political marriage a messier and more political v-shape because you just HAD to officially get back together with your situationship from when you were 25 and oh he just HAPPENS to be the king.” they are shockingly functional about it (i do not know if i could call it healthy. but it is Incredibly High-Functioning and They Are Having Fun. so who am i to stop them!). conceptually/vibes-wise this is the result of my mind stirring around "their wives know the steward serves the king, and sometimes that goes beyond matters of state" (like truly...WHOA boy. that knocked me flat. @bretwalda-lamnguin i WILL respond to that post eventually i have things to say they just have to marinate a little longer) + regent!finduilas as a concept and an Energy + finduilas's general pure concentrated "i can fix him" beam + also going on a tangent off of anna @potatoesandsunshine's "our marriage is already bad enough what if we ruined someone else's life with it" theory. and this came out.

17. what is your favourite trope to write

NAMES AND TITLES AND MANNERS OF ADDRESS BABY!!! that shit is like drugs for me. whenever i'm messing around with it i feel like i am at the very height of caring about and understanding my own work i KNOW that sounds obnoxious as hell but like. aghhhhh. im in there THINKING. about specifically when and where and how one manner of address might shift to another and whether that is different inside the narration and out loud and what each name and title means in which situation. yeah im normal about hierarchies why do you ask.

23. where do you usually write

my beloved local coffeeshop down the street from my apartment! i am there as i write this. my regular barista often makes fun of me bc he sees me running for the train in the morning bc i am perpetually late for work. unfortunately the earliest i can make it out of the house in the evening is 7 and they close at 9 but it’s a good two hours. then it’s off to my friends’ apartment (they’re my downstairs neighbours i basically also live there) for like another two hours. yeah i do this every day. i am aware i am insane but it is the only way i get anything done.

24. which fic do you think is your funniest

hmm. i feel like im not often intending to be particularly funny. wait no its definitely open arms. “sokka, panicking: you like guys!” is literally in the description. i wrote it bc of a shitpost. WOW that is possibly the throwback of all time. that’s like the first fic i wrote back when i started getting really Good at writing because i was wildly hyperfixated on avatar and it was covid and i wrote 100k in a year. well well well

33. which of your fic titles is your favourite

ok i did do this one but im gonna give a runner up. TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] is a personal fave for sure bc it's. idk nontraditional? well it's based off of this image and it took me a long time of testing different things before i figured out a way to appropriately represent that erasure of the name on the headstone by the water...the sensation that there Used to be something there, that there was Supposed to be something there, but all that is left is the water. and i'm very pleased by the effect of the brackets and how it looks on the ao3 page. it just brings me a lot of joy to let myself kind of fuck around and do whatever i think is cool. im trying so so so hard to internalize "get weird with it!" and its the baby steps out here.

40. pick one of your fics and share a quote to go with it (not a quote from the fic, but an outside quote that fits)

ooh ok a throwback. race for a hurricane (speaking of the titles/names/manners of address trope this is my BEST execution of it) + "the french have a saying: the fate of glass is to break. maybe the fate of spies is to just fade away. but with any luck, we leave something behind" -spectre, 2015. im getting that last line tattooed someday.

fic writer asks

[ddejavvu]

the entitlement of some of your requesters being like 🤨☝🏼 but how will we KNOW if our stories are being written vs if they were deleted vs if they’re rejected but I didn’t see bc I took one glance at your blog and didn’t see it written yet! Or to call you rude every single time someone just spams you with asks with no regard for your personal boundaries.

guys she does this for free, IF your request is nice enough to inspire Mei’s beautiful mind then you will be granted a lil fic. She does not owe you anything. I want you all to hear that. She chooses to be nice and fulfil most of her requests, but you do not get to be a giant whiny baby when you’re unsure where your request is. Have patience, or write it your damn self if you need it so bad, just please stop treating her like a machine.

Again, mei is not paid. It is not her job to fulfil your requests, nor is it your right to have them filled. That is a privilege and I wish more of you could be grateful if/when you do get them filled. play nice, please.

grabbing your face aggressively in my hands and tongue kissing you

i have it in my request rules that requesting something twice is something i really don't enjoy from people, it honestly makes me want to write the fic less 😭 but it sometimes feels like kind of a loophole when people ask whether i remember getting their specific request or not !! i don't really like that either, 'cause chances are if you read my guidelines and i haven't answered your ask saying no, then it's just waiting to be written, because there are a lot of requests waiting to be written. i just ask for patience if you request from me because rome's right and i'm not a machine that can whip up a fic five minutes after i get the request, i put my time and care into what i write and i'm very lucky to have all of you giving me scrumptious ideas but there's only so much i can do in one day so please be patient with me! i understand your eagerness to see your prompt written, and i'm flattered that you're so excited to see what I can do with your idea, but writing takes time. it might take two days, it might take a week, it might take a month, hell sometimes i drudge up requests from last year to work with once they finally strike my inspiration. i understand that not everyone has that patience, and chances are your request will be written sooner than later, but please don't be upset with me if it's not hot off the press 12 hours after you sent it to me. i'm a human being who's enrolled in college and i have chores and other hobbies and daily-life things to do, so i write what I can and if I can write something for you, i hope you enjoy it. as devoted as i am to this blog and all of you that are here with me, this is my hobby, not my job, and I do this for fun in my free time, so please help me keep it fun. thank you <3

[theha1r]

🔥 - i'm evil ... so ... steve

( send the fire emoji for an unpopular opinion )

oooh boy oh-ho-ho, okay buckle in everyone - this is gonna be a long ride -

1 - gonna go ahead & get this one out of the way ... steve would in no universe, under any circumstance, in any way - shape - or form ... date fucking b.illy h.argrove. i really feel like i don't need to explain this one but yeah thanks, he would never. he wouldn't even CRUSH on him (eddie is his one & only (canon) bi awakening thank you!!!)

2 - steve is not an asshole. he can be bitchy, he was a douche in school & definitely not the greatest person - but he is not an actual mean person. like - maybe if he was in a bad mood or in a fight with someone, he could say something really mean - but it's not something he'd do normally. like he's not just some giant asshole who treats people like shit

3 - steve wouldn't accept anyone being an ass to nancy. he wouldn't accept robin shunning her bc of their past. he forgave nancy a long time ago & expects other people to as well. just because she hurt him, if he forgave her - they need to as well. after all it's HIM she hurt & it's not like it was done intentionally

4 - steve isn't stupid. he struggles with learning & school, yes. he's not the most booksmart, yes. but he's not fucking stupid. he's not some braindead idiot who can't tell right from left. he might not always spell things right, he might not know big words but acting like he's a five year old child who's never been on the planet earth before is a bit much. not to mention he canonically showed off his smarts SEVERAL times. everyone forgets if it wasn't for him, they never would've figured out the russians were working at/under the mall

5 - steve being in love with nancy still, or again, in s4 was lazy & stupid writing & never should've happened & makes no sense. he was canonically over here & trying to move on a season before. literally admitted while on TRUTH SERUM that he wasn't in love with her anymore. it literally shows no growth for him to just reduce him back to a shipping box & have him revolve around nancy again. especially when nancy herself has moved on & is in a happy relationship

6 - everyone claims steve is the d.uffer bros favorite, but he is NOT. he might be a fan favorite but the duffers don't give af about him. they wouldn't have done above if they did. they wouldn't continuously put him through hell & back if they did. he's literally a marketing ploy to them/st in general/netflix. they know everyone eats him up & uses those stupid 'steve harrington has to live' or whatever type marketing things to bring in the money

7 - calling steve a 'fan favorite' is even a bit of a stretch because genuinely most people only like him because he's hot. or bc joe is. & they crush on him & think he's attractive & the whole babysitter thing does it for them. or they also just think of him as 'haha goofy stupid funny hot guy who gets beat up all the time'. that's how most people outside of the actual steve stans see him, people don't give him depth - including the writers themselves

8 - FOR ST/CANON/80S VERSE SPECIFIC - i genuinely don't think steve would know what being bi was or that 'liking both' is an option or whatever without meeting robin. or another 'already have figured out they're queer' person. like i just simply don't think he'd just have that already known without some help. like - maybe he could know he liked guys for certain ships getting together pre-robin & all but i don't think he'd know the details of stuff already without a queer person in his life

9 - slight usfw but probably one of my most controversial, in the steve/steddie/st fandom at least, STEVE IS A SUB, & HE'S ALSO A BOTTOM. THAT'S ALL. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

10 - this is going to be the most controversial thing i've ever said on this blog bc it's going to surprise & shock the fuck out of so many of you & no one's going to believe i'm actually saying it but .....................

steve should've died in s4 instead of eddie. NOW HEAR ME OUT - obviously there's no universe where i want steve to die & this is ONLY IF someone 'had' to die. but i think it should've been steve. steve is a character that's been around since s1, who was - in fact - supposed to die in s1. we know him, we love him, but we've got to watch a life for him play out on screen before us. maybe not the best life. but still. he was canonically in a good place by the end of s4, for the most part. like generally seemed happy & all. he gave that whole speech to nancy that literally screamed a 'i'm about to die' speech. it would've been sad as fuck, but i think it would've been a better narrative. to watch a character we've gotten to know & have at least four or more so years with die. & it still would've given dustin the whole 'losing older brother type figure' situation. we'd get to watch the characters grieve someone we actually knew, not someone we only knew for nine (eight? idk i'm tired i forget how many s4 eps rn) episodes & most of the characters barely knew -. it would've been a lot more impactful & shown that the duffers weren't afraid to take risks & actually kill off their mains & show us no one was safe. & then eddie could've stepped into steve's role & wouldn't have lived such a short time & would've shown that the duffers could break out of their 'we're gonna kill off this character you just me this season' trope ...

[emcandon]

the ballad of fancy uncle chucklefuck, pt. 7 (in which he almost dies and also actually expresses himself kind of.)

while i'm here, who wants a Fancy Uncle Chucklefuck update!

(previously on fancy uncle chucklefuck: 1, 2, 3 (look at the reblog for the update), 4, 5, 6)

when last we left him, Fancy Uncle Chucklefuck was feeling a bit awkward after the whole double whammy of "local god threatened him with death" and "party was less than stoked about HIS god (chucklefuck prime, remember him??) rifling through their trauma to psychically reinforce its protections"

he was kind of hanging back from a bunch of things as a consequence, playing more into the Observer than Face role, lightly terrified of sleeping and sucking the party back into some kind of divine nightmare zone

how do you solve neurotic insomnia? YOU GO MURDER SOME VAMPIRE KOBOLDS with a very large tiefling who you were 90% sure was going to kill you five minutes ago but sometimes these things work out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and/or it's only one vampire kobold and it very nearly murders you instead? hahahhaa. (AC 9 baybEE.)

consequently uncle chucklefuck was actually passed out during the clearing out of the rest of the vampire kobold den -- in part bc i was running the session :P

however the rest of the party did a splendid job of simply obliterating the beasties. good job, gang. y'all are terrifying.

(they did befriend one (1) vampire kobold, Beetle, called such bc she is very good at skittering, and also bc she is forever going where she is not wanted. Beetle was v eager to help with the murder of her brethren but also due to the aforementioned terrifying violence, the party did not NEED help, so she has skittered off. thankfully the very large tiefling's Intimidation check means she is NOT presently trying to eat village children. boo >:( )

anyway during some anti-vampire trap-enforced pleasant conversation (i will perhaps describe the design at a later date; i was very proud of it), fancy uncle chucklefuck finally confessed to the two things he has been sidestepping this whole fucking time!!

1) that Chucklefuck Prime should not by any rights be attached to him bc it's inherited through a royal lineage! and the last person who had it was a prince who had his soul carved out of him bc he was trying to escape the royal family.

2) that Uncle Chucklefuck was trying to help the prince escape in some capacity but obviously that did not work out too great. and specifically Uncle Chucklefuck was helping in the capacity of, uh, well, a spy. lol. sorry about the habitual secret-keeping and misdirection! it is professional habit! hahahahah!!

(i can at last explain that the whole character concept here is basically "~15-20 years retired Rogue Inquisitive wakes up one day as a Sorcerer/Cleric. has bad time about it.")

SO MUCH OTHER STUFF HAS HAPPENED like how Seasonal Affective Disorder the Sorlock's whole backstory is starting to barge onto screen in the form of her continuing state of un(??)death(??) -- and also her murderer is here, hello, he sucks.

or like how aforementioned Very Large Tiefling is the DM's character whenever I'm running things, and he is also (uh oh) a warlock of the local god who is specifically not exactly pleased with Fancy Uncle Chucklefuck's entire deal (haha uh oh). (he is v midwestern dad, and is perfect, and i love him). it's good! it's good! i love my party! MORE TRAUMA THIS SUNDAY WOO.

[cafedanslanuit]

a little update on my life

tw for death, depression, meds

you might've noticed i haven't been truly around these past few months. i had been dealing with extreme stress and tiredness from work (sometimes i worked 50+ hours a week) and some health issues (sinusitis getting worse bc of stress), when suddenly my grandmother died.

i haven't talked a lot about her here, but we were really close. she was my only grandma and i was her only grandchild. i lived with her all my life until a couple of years ago when, against my wishes, she was put in a retirement home. i visited regularly and we still had a really good relationship.

she was really old so i knew she wouldn't last another five years, but in just a couple of weeks, she got really sick and died at the beginning of june. i got to be there when she passed and talked to her about pretty things until she stopped breathing.

while i'm happy i was there to help her go into the light (?), it was really traumatizing for me. my anxiety and depression got worse (i've been suspecting pmdd for a while now), my health got worse, i was in a really bad place. that's mainly why i wasn't around here, i didn't have the energy to write or even browse my feed.

on july, i decided to go see a psychiatrist and i was prescribed an antidepressant. honestly, it's been a true life-changer. my pmdd symptoms have completely disappeared and thankfully i haven't had any side effects (besides a little dehydration but now im being more careful with that, heh). i feel much more stable and my doc thinks im doing good too :)

i also quit my job!!!! the 50+ hour week was wearing me down, so i submitted my two-week notice. i'll be looking for another job that isn't so draining so i can start studying programming at night :) i've also started salsa lessons which are really fun, and the people there are also really nice.

anyway, i hope you're all doing really good <3 i've been working on a couple of things so we'll be seeing each other more often hehe c:

remember to drink water and have a snack!! :)

tldr; i'm medicated now so i'm back to writing <3

[havocmadden]

"if i'm having fun it's good and if i'm not having fun it's bad" you're so so so real for this!! anyway sorry i disappeared for like a week so i'm going to ask more questions to make up for it: 1) i know i'm late to the spotify wrapped party but who were your favorite artists this year? are there any songs in particular that stood out to you? this can be either for disney artists or not it's up to you 2) how are you feeling about rise of red coming out next year? i know the plot looks too crazy even for descendants standards, and it helps that it's a brand new creative team, but is there anything specific you're hoping to see from the expanded world? 3) i need to hear your thoughts on zombies 4 because i know there's no way addison will have yet another identity crisis - gcwca secret santa

hi !!!! i hope u had a good week when you disappeared and not like, a terrible one!

to answer your questions, my fave artists were mostly non disney channel :( i think the only disney channel who made it into my top 100 was some sabrina songs :( but! my top five were:

noah kahan (so real)

fall out boy (they counted november this year which i know bc they would NOT have been in my top 5 otherwise. they were my nano soundtrack. tho tbh i think this nano project made me an actual for real fall out boy fan)

taylor swift

dessa

xana

if we could add some i feel like chappell roan should've been in my top five but alas :( also i saw two out of my top five in concert this year :) if we count tickets i bought for next year's concerts i am seeing 4/5 of my top five!! (i also saw chappell roan and she was SOOOOOO good in person). this year turned me into a genuine Concert Girlie (gender neutral) so that's been fun. or it would be, if i didn't have to drive 2 1/2 hours at best to get to one bc i live in the middle of fucking nowhere and no one comes here :(

as for the rise of red: honestly, i'm pretty excited! i'm not allowing myself to feel Bad about it until we get more information. plus, it's giving me the thing i always wanted out of the descendants franchise (qoh kid) so honestly this like, really works for me. like maybe when i watch it later it will be bad? and i'll be upset and disappointed? but. in the meantime, i'm having a great time! still living on the qoh kid high! like, the plot seems wild but personally i'm like. "descendants as a franchise never made sense and i'm getting what i personally wanted out of this franchise from it so i'm having a good time until proven otherwise"

i think a lot of people have strong feelings about it bc of cam, which is totally valid and is their right, but my personal feelings are since the core four aren't coming back, i'm okay with it. disney was never going to let their biggest franchise since hsm lie, yknow? i think this is the best it could've been in that sense of it? idk.

as for zombies 4. truly i have NO idea. honestly the most fun i have ever had with the zombies franchise was watching all three of them with two of my friends whilst we were all stoned, and personally i hope rupaul comes back because i thought it was funny. i'm so sorry if you're a zombies stan but they are not high art to me. they are fun little movies to watch while i get high and then i do not think about them until i want to show someone a silly little dcom franchise and jumpscare them with the presence of rupaul. personally i hope zombies 4 introduces addison's cousin from the human side of the family named allison who is now the one who gets to have identity criseses who is also played by meg donnelly. i hope coach has a new job. i hope his legal name is coach. i hope ej caswell finally gets to leave this discord. i hope they make a reference to the winchesters.

[cripticmotherfucker]

Tw SH, Substance abuse, relapse, homelessness

So I got evicted because my landlord wanted to raise the rent, and instead of being upfront about it, they found out we were planning on moving and made the excuse that our apartment smelled like marijuanna. It was five days until christmas when i got the notice. I don't have the money for court fees and definately don't have the time or energy for court so I can't even fight it. On new years I'll officially be homeless. Ableit it won't be permanent we have plans to get a new place, which is definately not an improvement from our already small falling apart place but I'm still greatful for that. But I'll be separated from my partner. Like my platonic life partner. Like I love them so much I cook for them daily and they drive me around because I cant drive and i can't imagine living my life without them type partner. They are my bestfriend. And I can't bear to know they're gonna be suffering mentally crashing at their parents house and I wont be able to do anything about it because I haven't been able to work for nearly a year now. I'm also having to get rid of a lot of things that are very dear to me, which has been especially hard growing up with scarcity trauma and ending up with hoarding tendencies. I won't have my own space for a month. I grew up sharing a room, and even once I got my own as a teen I never had any privacy and wasn't really allowed to take up space and so sleeping in a one bedroom home with 2 other people and two cats is going to be a lot to me . I'm going to try to see it as just a very long vacation crashing on a friends couch but truth is its really going to drive me crazy. I ended up drinking an entire bottle of wine to myself and BY MYSELF and that's where the real issue comes in. I am totally fine usually to drink wine in moderation as a self care or social thing, as long as I limit myself to one glass. But when I use it as a coping mechanism for stress, and then also do it by myself with no one around to judge me or to keep me in check or to drink up the rest of the bottle before I can, that's when I know I've fucked up. I also dissociated really bad when told the news to the point where I stared at the same spot on the floor for an hour, scratching at my fingers which are now blistered from it, and when my roomate left for work I began immediately uncontrollablely hyperventilating and crying. I feel so hopeless. But not even in a unreasonable and depressed way. In a genuinely ... things are awful way. I've tried to be positive and hopeful for so long. But I mean... if you lost all your dreams, most of your mobility, your independence, your money, and your house you'd be upset about it too. If you weren't I think there'd be something else wrong. Anyway. I know not many people care but this is my safe space where I document my brain. I used to journal but my mother stole my journal as a kid ahahah so now I can only use tumblr bc i know she isn't tech savvy enough to see it or even find me here because nobody has for 5 years. Anyway if you did read this and need company in misery feel free to message me.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Distraction

My latest Armand/Daniel fic. Under a read more link bc things get spicy Or read it here on ao3

Daniel isn't stupid, despite what his ex-wives believe. He knows he isn't getting out of the place. Couldn't leave if he wanted to. Doesn't mean he's going to stop doing his job. Because dammit, now he's invested.

The knock on the door startles him, and he realizes he's been hunched over his laptop the last four hours. Sometimes he gets like this, hyper focuses and forgets the world. Shit, he neck hurts.

“Come in.”

Armand breezes inside. Daniel glances his way and then turns his head fully to look at him. He's wearing black silk pajama pants and a black silk bathrobe. There's nothing underneath the robe, though it is tied, albeit loosely. Daniel can see all the way down to his navel. Not that he's looking.

Daniel pulls off his glasses. He rubs his eyes and looks back at the screen. He's in the middle of writing what will be the novelization of this interview. It's more of an outline than an actual book right now, especially considering he hasn't gotten to the end of the story. He wanted to get farther than he has, but at his age sleep is more important than work.

“Good evening, Mr. Molloy.”

Daniel gestures to his laptop. “Something you need? I'm working here.”

Armand shrugs, causing the robe to slip a little off one shoulder. Daniel is ninety percent certain it's on purpose. Which is interesting, to say the least. And hell, he likes Louis. Sure, he tells himself he doesn't, but when it gets down to you, he's got a soft spot for him. So he probably shouldn't be eyeing the 'love of his life' like a starving man offered a five course meal.

“I wanted to see how you were. You missed your evening meal.”

Missed is the nice way of putting it. Daniel had told the person who came to get him to fuck off. He's been busy working. “Wasn't hungry.”

“You have to eat.”

“You sound like my first wife. She liked to nag.”

Armand ignores the jab. “I brought you a smoothie. You can drink it and work at the same time.”

Daniel hadn't noticed the glass in his hand, but in his defense, there was a lot of skin on display. He's only human. “Thanks.”

He reaches out to take it, more from finely ingrained manners his mother instilled than any actual desire. Armand's hand goes out to meet his and their fingers brush. It's the first time they've touched, and it's electric. Sparks ignite, and Daniel feels like a teenager with his first real infatuation. That hot, fluttery feeling in his stomach and the desperate, yawning pit in his chest.

To save face, he takes the cup and takes a swallow. It isn't bad—pineapple, with something sweet. Honey. The little shit.

He makes eye contact as he takes another swallow. Armand watches the way his throat moves, not attempting to hide the naked fascination. Daniel carefully sits the glass down on the desk beside him and swivels the chair to face Armand. “Was there something else you wanted?”

Armand's eyes snap up and connect with his. “I think you know exactly what I want, Mr. Molloy.”

Daniel does. He isn't fucking stupid. He knows how to connect the dots. He has poor impulse control. “Well then, are you gonna come take it, or what?”

Armand launches himself at him, inhumanly fast. Then Daniel has a lap full of squirming vampire and Armand is kissing him. Kissing him like those couples Daniel used to see back when he was doing puff pieces about soldiers returning home from deployment. It's a lot. It's not enough.

Daniel's hands go Armand's waist and find the tie. He breaks away from the kiss and murmurs against his mouth “May I?”

Usually, he wouldn't be asking permission this late in the game, not when the outcome was a given. But it feels important—and he can't figure out why, it just does—to ask with Armand. He pulls the tie free and slides his hands inside and up Armand's ribs. Armand bends down to kiss him again and nips at his bottom lip. And Jesus fuck, if he were as young as twenty years ago that could have had him hard in his pants. Not to be outdone, his thumbs find Armand's nipples and rub them until Armand whimpers against his mouth.

It's the hottest fucking thing Daniel has ever heard. Any lingering thoughts of betraying Louis vanish.

He slides his hands up the back of Armand's thighs and hefts him, standing at the same time. Armand effortlessly winds his legs around his waist, slotting into place like he'd been there a hundred times. And wait a second...

“Take me to bed, Mr. Molloy,” Armand whispers into his year, arms twining around his neck and Daniel loses his train of thought. All he can think of is the cool skin of Armand's thighs that he can feel through the thin pants, and the sweet way he tastes as Daniel mouths along his neck. He wishes vampires could bruise, so he could leave a mark on him. Armand chuckles warmly at the thought.

“Stay outta my head,” Daniel orders, sucking at the thin skin of his neck as he walks them to the bed. Armand moans prettily, too prettily to be sincere. He just wants to get him riled up to get what he wants, brat that he is. Well, he won't get it now, not until Daniel feels like giving it to him.

Daniel deposits Armand onto it and braces himself over top of him. He bends an arm down and runs his thumb over Armand's bottom lip. “You sound as pretty as any whore.”

“I used to be a whore,” Armand says, as casually as if he were mentioning the weather. Shit shit shit. Daniel purposely has no thoughts or opinions on the matter. He's not going to think something and piss off Armand. He will kick his own ass if he fucks this up and doesn't get Armand into bed.

“Yeah?” Then because he's a goddamn fool and the king of taking chances, “Can you do me a favor? Don't perform, just be yourself for me.”

Armand is silent for a beat. “Alright.”

“Good boy,” Daniel says. Either he'll be into it, or it'll piss him off. Either one were a turn on.

“I think you'll find you just find me a turn on, Mr. Molloy,” Armand says, voice dark and amused.

Daniel slides a thigh up between Armand's legs and presses against his groin. He bits down harshly on Armand's neck. “Stay out of my head.”

The noise Armand makes should be illegal. If he were only twenty years younger...

“If you take some of my blood, you could get it up,” Armand says, offering like it's nothing.

“Yeah? What happened to “I wouldn't let you near my neck?” Daniel mocks, copying Armand's accent and odd pronunciations.

“I wasn't trying to fuck you then, Mr. Molloy.”

And Daniel can tell himself it's just because he's horny. But it's mostly because he just wants to try it. Because at his core, he's just a junkie looking for his next high. Whether it's from interviewing an actual goddamn vampire to sucking Armand's blood, he'll do anything to chase that buzz. “Yeah, alright, give it to me.”

Armand laughs and draws a fingernail over his own neck, cutting a deep gash. He presses his bloody hand into Daniel's hair and presses his mouth to his neck. Daniel's first thought is shit, now I'll have to wash my hair tonight and his next as the blood touches his mouth is how the fuck could I care about fucking shampoo during this? Armand's blood tastes sweet, not pineapples and honey sweet, but something unique to him. He tastes good and he feels great. Daniel feels like he could fly to the fucking moon.

“Only if you fly me with you, Mr. Molloy.”

Daniel sucks on his neck harshly, causing a sharp cry from Armand. He can't tell if it's pleasure or pain. He hopes it's pleasure.

“Pleasure yes, it's good, don't stop.”

Daniel pulls back from his cut and mouths along his collar bones. “Don't be bossy.” He dips down and flicks a tongue over a nipple. Armand's back arches up off the bed and he grinds against Daniel's thigh. Daniel bites down on his nipple, a bit harder than was nice. Armand gasps and shivers against him. “And stay out of my head.”

“You like me bossy,” Armand says grinning. He pulls Daniel down to kiss him, but Daniel pulls back at the last second.

“Yeah, well, don't tell anybody,” he says, returning to his cut and licking along its edge. His hand slides inside Armand's waistband to find nothing but skin underneath. “and Stay. Out. Of. My. Head.” He enunciates each sentence with a rough stroke over Armand's dick.

Armand arches against him and moans wantonly. “You mortals think so loud when you're aroused. It's hard not to hear.”

Daniel bites at his wound. “Are you whining at me right now?”

Armand huffs, “I'm not whining.”

He was, but Daniel isn't going to press it. He's too close to getting his dick wet. He just has to keep his smart mouth shut long enough to bur himself inside Armand.

Armand laughs wickedly, and says, “What makes you think you'll be the one on top?”

“Stay out-”

“-of your head. I know. You are thinking you'd like to do something better with my smart mouth. Is that what you want Mr. Molloy? Do you want me to me to put my mouth around you and swallow you down my throat?” Then, just because he is a vile, terrible creature he adds “I don't have a gag reflex, you know; they trained that out of us at the brothel.”

Daniel freezes for a second, because genuinely, what the fuck was he supposed to say to that? He realizes Armand is just saying shit to throw him off, but it begs the question why he needs control so badly? Doesn't really matter in the end, Daniel doesn't mind handing over the reins, if that's what Armand needs to feel comfortable.

“Look, I can't take it and walk tomorrow at this age,” Daniel says, because why not be fucking honest? “But you can still be in charge, from any position. I'm yours to command.”

The corner of Armand's mouth quirks a little bit. He reaches a hand up and traces over Daniel's lips. “You're so careful of me. I won't break.”

Daniel smirks. “Babe, you're going to fucking shatter.”

“Oh?” Armand arches an eyebrow. “I'd like to see you try.”

“I'd like to see me succeed. Bet you'd be real pretty.” Daniel moves his fingers to Armand's mouth before he can reply. “Open up, baby.” Armand does, and Daniel pushes two fingers inside his mouth. Armand sucks on them greedily, lathering them with spit. “Fuck,” Daniel breathes, completely entranced. He reluctantly pulls his fingers away and wraps the wet hand back around Armand's dick.

Armand shivers against him and tilts his head back. Daniel latches onto the cut and sucks at it, long, hard pulls. Armand moans openly beneath him and buries both hands in his hair, tugging at the roots as he writhed in his grasp. Daniel bites at the edge of the cut, “Behave.”

Armand's hands loosened their grip. Daniel rewards him by returning to his neck and drinking deeply. He can't believe he's never tried this. This is the best goddamn high he's ever had. He'd do anything to have this. Anything to chase this feeling. Anything for-

“For me, anything for me, Mr. Molloy.” Armand finishes. He's arched all pretty, pert little nipples on display. Daniel wants to bite them. “Yes, do it,” Armand chants. Daniel obliges and bites down on his left nipple, worrying it with his teeth until Armand's hand is back clutching at his hair. Jesus, a guy could get addicted to this.

“Fuck, I want to fuck you. I want to eat you out. I want to suck your cock. I want all of it, all at once.”

Armand shivers and jerks his head down. “Left pocket, bottle of lube.”

“Cocky bastard.”

“I was right, wasn't I?” Armand purrs.

Daniel retrieves the bottle and squirts some over his fingers. He delves one finger straight into Armand's hole. It isn't warm like a human, it was cool to the touch, like the corpse he was. Daniel thinks he's probably sick for liking it. He sinks another finger inside Armand and stretches them out. He curls them until he finds that spot that makes Armand gasp, then rubs over it relentlessly.

Armand is quivering around him before he stops. He doesn't quiver for long though, as he bolts up and spins Daniel round on his back and crawls over top of him. He jerks Daniel's pants down and climbs into his lap. He sinks slowly, so slowly, unto his cock.

Daniel's hands fly up to grip his hips, but Armand bats them away. He pins them down on either side of the pillow and grinds in place on his lap. Daniel sees stars. “No touching.”

Daniel wants to groan. But he's not going to press, he's not that kinda guy. “Okay, okay, I'll be good.”

Armand releases his hold and starts absolutely bouncing on his cock. And fucking christ, he has to fight not to come like some teenager getting hole for the first time. Daniel's resolve to be good doesn't last long, and he's got his hands clutching Armand's hips, his mouth back working on his neck.

From the noises Armand is making, he doesn't mind. Daniel wraps a hand around his cock and pumps him in rhythm with his hips. Daniel can tell Armand is getting close, the way he tightens around him and starts to gasp “Mr. Molloy,”

“Call me Daniel while I'm fucking you.”

“Daniel, Daniel, Daniel,” Armand rasps, voice raw from moaning. His whole body shakes as he comes over Daniel's hand.

It's so good it nearly sends Daniel tipping over the edge, and he wants to ask if he can finish inside, but he can't find his words, and really, why is this the one time Armand isn't in his head?

“Do it,” Armand whispers, clenching around him. And Daniel comes, comes harder than he has in the last three decades. It's good, so good.

Armand collapses down unto his chest and folds his arms, resting his chin on his hands. His gaze is on Daniel's face. Daniel isn't sure what he's looking for, so he just strokes a hand up over his jaw and into his hair, tucks a stray lock back in place. “You're a great fucking distraction.”

Armand grins at him, and Daniel remembers at once that Armand is a predator.

“I'm not through distracting you yet, Daniel.”

[superfluouskeys]

omg i just realised you're in law school?? can i ask what prompted you to pursue a (i presume) 2nd degree? i am nearing 30 and considering going for a 2nd degree as well but i'm super reluctant haha, would you mind sharing something about your experience? are you doing like a master's, did you choose it to get a specific job you are aiming for?

Ah, I would be happy to talk about my questionable life choices lol! For law school in the US if you want to actually practice you get what's called a Juris Doctor (JD) degree, which is a professional degree, and you have to have completed a Bachelor's to pursue it. People who want to like, specialize in something will sometimes get an LLM (Master of Law), but generally do that after the JD, even though a JD is technically "higher" than a Master's. Absurdly long story of my Journey TM under the cut lol

I tell people law school was a response to the pandemic even though that's not really true bc I don't want to get into the years-long insane series of thought processes that led me here lol. I only have a Bachelor's degree (in German/Music) and never intended to pursue anything beyond that. I'm naturally intelligent and did very well in school without trying, but I never had any particular interest in pursuing a higher education and pretty much just did it because that's what you're supposed to do. Looking back I feel quite embarrassed that I didn't fully appreciate the value of my education, even though I obviously wasn't doing it on purpose LOL. I got a lot of value out of college in general but it's frankly amazing that I did fine in my classes given my general self at the time. Fortunately I went to one of those schools where ppl hear the name and go oooOoooo woOOooOOow and don't generally care about my mediocre GPA.

I never really had a clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life, and I don't feel I'm one of those people who has a Calling TM. I'm good at and enjoy a variety of things, and I have a hard time being happy doing the same thing for a long period of time. I worked as a professional actor/singer when I graduated, and even within that field I became unhappy when I did too much of the same kind of work. Ultimately, as I grew into myself, I became frustrated and disillusioned with the industry in general, and with how I was being forced to live my life. I so rarely got to do anything I genuinely enjoyed, the work that paid best was utterly soul-sucking, and the general attitudes of the people around me esp. towards maintaining one's appearance were very unhealthy for me. They're unhealthy for everyone of course, but I was trying to recover from viewing my body in a negative light, and being around ppl with these attitudes made it pretty much impossible.

So I was already sort of looking for a new path of some sort a few years ago, but what I didn't realize at the time was that I had completely lost faith in myself and my abilities, and was selling myself incredibly short. I tried to do a bunch of dumb shit which obviously wouldn't be fulfilling in any way, tried to reshape my life into something bearable, and failed miserably several times. I was in fact halfway through discarding another failed attempt and taking up a new one when the pandemic hit. I ended up having to move back in with my mother, and what we all hoped would be a couple of months turned into Whatever This Is. So I found myself with a lot of time to think lol. And while it was a very difficult experience, I kept telling myself, whatever you do, no matter how bad it is, you need to actually think ahead for five fucking seconds and try to do something that will actually work, you know lol, because otherwise you're just going to end up in the same place again.

Law school started as a whim like any other; I was having lunch with my mom, and she mentioned offhand that she thought I should go to law school (she didn't go but she has a lot of lawyer friends). And I was feeling just insane enough that day that I was like yeah idk maybe I should. So I went home and was like okay how does one go to law school. I looked up a practice LSAT, took it knowing absolutely nothing about the LSAT, and did EXTREMELY well. So I thought, well. Huh. I need something to do w my life so I stop wanting to eat drywall, why not study for the LSAT lol, can't hurt.

And it just sort of kept going from there. Practicing for the LSAT gave me a sense of purpose, applying to law schools gave me a sense of purpose, and that sense of purpose enabled me to start slowly improving the horrible circumstances I was in. I didn't know how anything would shake out and to be honest I didn't particularly care at that point. Looking back I think I really had no hope for the future, and I was pretty crazy and didn't really feel like I'd be able to live very much longer. I didn't envision myself as a lawyer really, more as a law student lol. Schools have a lot of free resources and people who want to help you, and even as crazy as I was I felt I was in a much better place to take full advantage of those things than I had been in undergrad, in order to achieve SOMETHING. I wasn't really worried about what that might be.

So, I vowed to myself that whatever happened, I would really try, not just in school but to build a better future for myself. I did not arrive here in a good mental state, to say the least lol. And going back to school brought back a LOT of painful memories from my previous time in school when, as I mentioned, I was infinitely crazier. As just a couple of random examples, I was sort of toying with the idea of trying to learn a new language, and realized that I was still holding onto this intense guilt about the mental breakdown I had while taking a Russian class in college. One of my professors told me that I was an amazing writer, and I realized no teacher had ever told me that before. I had these insane moments sitting in class where I would get emotional because I was just so happy to be there, in spite of absolutely everything. I stopped regretting all of my past mistakes, because I genuinely think, no matter what horrible things I've done, I would do them all again if they would bring me here. My favorite professor literally saved my life, and is probably the only person in the world who could have successfully convinced me to go to therapy. I can't really even wish I'd done any of this sooner, because I know without a doubt that I wouldn't have been ready.

There are definitely some challenges to being back in school after so long. I remember feeling especially when I was around my friends who were in grad school that if I had to, like, write a long-ass paper or something, I just wouldn't be able to do it lol, like I'd just be so pissed that I had to do some arbitrary assignment. But it should be noted that I, like, despise philosophy-type subjects and things with no practical application, and always felt like I was bullshitting my assignments to make them longer. Not only do I love law school assignments because they are about applying the law to a set of facts (which may be made up but still have real-world relevance), but I always have a LOT to say, and am always struggling to make my papers SHORT enough rather than dragging out my dumbass takes to meet the minimum lol. It's a lot of work, but generally it's work I actually WANT to do, which makes all the difference.

I definitely also feel a bit of a disconnect from most of my fellow students. I think this is partially an age thing and partially a life experience thing. Like, for example, I had a series of hilarious conversations with ppl a few weeks back bc one of my classmates was like "where do you go?? you leave class so fast?" and i was like ?????? when class is over you get to leave that's the deal??????

And I was talking to my fave professor about this and she was like yeah that's definitely a difference of being a little older, you're probably just not in the same mindset that they are. Which is definitely true, and worth keeping in mind. It's not a big deal really but it can be very isolating if you don't feel like you can relate to your classmates on that level. I sometimes get a little :( because I don't usually have a hard time talking to people but I'll just have the most insane interactions w some of my classmates and have to talk myself down like it's okay it wasn't you the other person was the one acting weird LOL. Also, for me at least, I definitely have a little bit of a 'you can't tell me what to fucking do' attitude sometimes LOL, and will get really irritated when professors keep us over time or make us do something pointless. That may just be my sweet personality, but I think in general having been out of school for awhile and also being a bit older, I'm MUCH less tolerant of trifling bullshit than when i was younger LOL. Generally I think there's a lot LESS trifling bullshit to deal with in law school bc there's just so much that's genuinely important to learn? But something to keep in mind.

But god there are SO many benefits! Like, as I mentioned, I'm a naturally intelligent person, but it's actually terrifying how much my mind had slowed down over the past few years. I've had SO many moments here where I was like oh my god, I'm stupid, I'm just stupid and I can't understand this-- and then I was like okay sweaty :) have you considered taking a nap and maybe you'll calm down :) lol but you get my point. Learning new things in a structured environment where you literally have to do the work I think is so beneficial especially at this particular age, since most people get pretty settled into their ways around 30, and personally I don't particularly like being set in my ways and want to always be growing and improving and pushing myself. Every aspect of my life has improved noticeably since I've been here, my physical and emotional and mental health, my memory, my writing, my personal relationships--everything.

BUT that is a direct result of all the work I've put in, because I did this at the right time for myself, and at a point in my life when I'm able to truly appreciate the value of a good education and all the benefits and resources that come with that. So, I would say that if you're in the right mindset to go back to school, it's absolutely 1000% worth it. But if you feel like, 'I don't want to do this, this is a waste of time and will make me miserable,' then I'd say wait it out a little more. There might come a day when you're like, wow, I'm so ready. Or you might think, I can't believe I was gonna go to grad school for That TM that would have been insane, and want to go for something else lol. I think we're so conditioned not to listen to our intuition that we don't realize a lot of the time our gut instinct will tell us whether something is the right move or not!

Wow this was long lol, thank you so much for reaching out, friend, and I hope some of this was mildly helpful or entertaining! I wish you the best in your ventures, and of course I'm always happy to talk more!

[roobylavender]

i was going thru old posts & found where you said you only like zootara in the specific context of like... zuko dissolving the monarchy + devoting himself to reparations & it's an unrequited love think and lost my mind bc it was exactly what i felt but had never seen anyone say! i HATE any kind of firelady katara content but still find zootara’s dynamic fascinating. anyways from this i was wondering on if you had wider thoughts on katara, on both how she exists in canon and anything you'd change

i think re-watching avatar when they dropped it on netflix a few years ago was eye-opening for me in a lot of ways like sooo many of my opinions radically changed and not even necessarily in a way where it was an outright polarized switch but more like.. added depth to how i felt. which makes sense bc i mean i was seven years old when i watched the show and i'm twenty five now lmao. but with katara i kind of found myself on the fence between the two camps that were so vehement about justifying why katara worked better with either boy that i think they more or less forgot about her. like i don't entirely disagree with zootara shippers that katara's role being so diminished in post-canon was irritating but at the same time that's not something it makes sense to blame kataang being canon on. kataang is probably one of the most obv ships ever in retrospect like the buildup was so palpably there and katara was never going to choose anyone else but aang. but i also think it can be admitted that her post-canon storylines were just.. super boring? and that it had to do a lot with bryke being resistant to radicalism in their material in general. keeping the gaang together or taking them on group adventures for marketability purposes was obv impt but i feel like katara was one of the members who like really needed to do her own thing after the war was over. like there were so many times in the series where it seemed like she was having her moment to shine and there would always be some caveat or wedge to throw so she could move on with the gaang and for central narrative purposes i get that but why did that have to apply to whatever she did after (also this doesn't even get into the fact that bryke's liberal politics affected her individual storylines so much like the jet and hama stuff. very bad vibes). like i already said i think kataang was pretty much inevitable and the build up in seasons one and two and even the confusion of feelings between them at the start of season three were great but i also don't think they needed to be in a relationship by the end of the series personally like it felt so rushed and honestly very corny. like they're thirteen and fourteen years old they have so much time. i like the gaang a lot as a concept but the overwhelming feeling i was left with when the series was over was that the fallout of the war would be so significant it wouldn't realistically make sense to have them all in one place like there are so many things each of them would need or want to do. and ig bryke kinda acknowledged that like the gaang did have some individual gigs. but it all felt so tame. katara was potentially the most radical member of the gaang i really do not think she would have ended the war being in some honeymoon phase she would have been ready to get working on uprooting all of the bad and where they'd found it and aggressively reconstructing the society she worked so hard to try to save. but also on the most simplest note i could leave here i genuinely think every avatar character needed therapy / soul searching more than they did romance by the end of the series so ig this is my very roundabout way of saying that..