#but i don't want to die in the heat
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record-high temperature summers is a bad time to start wanting to become an outdoorsfolk lmao
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after i got out of the insomnia phase i crashed face-first into hypersomnia instead and as it turns out, sleeping all the time and waking up sore and groggy is just as good a way to make me irritable and anti-social as dealing with insomnia is
#which is why i keep making half-assed attempts to be social before crawling back into the shadows#i can't even blame it on the new meds bc this happens even when i don't take them lmao#“always sleeping” is better than “never sleeping” but like#in the way “extreme cold” is better than “extreme heat”#they both fucking suck and make me want to die but one is marginally less damaging to my mental health#tox.txt
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the weather is nice here pookie. Getting chilly it’s my fav ! Hope you’re doing well 😚😚😚
hi looove🌸 ah same, fall and winter are my fave seasons😌 i'm doing alright, me and my bestie were spilling tea earlier so yeah, i'm alright. and u (and tora)? how was your day?
#mailbox💌#mooties ♡#lola♡#and its “HOW ARE YOU NOT FREEZING” season#cause my friends are frustrated that i don't really feel cold aside from when i'm sick or on my period-#yeah#they're always wrapped up in hoodies and a big ass jacket and i'm like#chilling in a t shirt and a light jacket#:)#curse and blessing cause i absolutely cannot stand summer and its skin melting heat (over here max 34-38° in summer and i already wanna die#hate it#cause#i'd rather feel cold cause i can wrap myself in thousands of layers of clothing#what am i supposed to take off in summer when i'm already half naked?#want me to shed my fucking skin or wha?#anyways-#yea#that's it-#love youuu :3#big hug and smooch to you
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#i'm done i'm so fucking tired#i want to burn the internet to the ground#i want to destroy my computer chuck my phone into a river and go live in the middle of nowhere#no wifi no 4g no nothing#i want to die because we cannot fucking escape this shit#meta using my art to train ai and refusing my request to stop#my computer not being able to run glaze or nightshade or any of those ai poisoning thingies#spam emails and text messages and whatsapp messages and bots in the comments#and just EVERYTHING TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS WHILE ALSO STEALING WHAT'S ALREADY MINE#i hate it i hate it i can't fucking stand it anymore#and you'll be like ''then why don't you go offline then... nobody's making you have an instagram account''#and you'd be right... if it weren't for the fact that i chose the one fucking career that DEMANDS online presence#i already struggle to find work as an illustrator WITH social media and POSTING MY ART ONLINE#how the fuck would I do it if people don't see my art?!#and sure people have illustrated books way before the internet existed... sure... BUT IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT ANYMORE#i'm so fucking angry and tired and frustrated that there's no way out of this#the internet is becoming unusable yet life demands it#my only option right now it to fuck myself and my beliefs and let companies steal my hardwork for the benefit of..?#having no notes in my posts except for the bots commenting ''see 👀my hole 🍑 daddy 💦 kitten 😻 ready 4 u 🤤 subscribe🔥 pay 💲 me''#i'm sick of this#i don't want to delete everything i ever posted online because A. at this point that's useless and B. again. how the fuck would i get work?#also even then... emailing my clients their finished illustrations goes through google drive or gmail...#do we think google is nice and doesn't steal images to train generative AI?#''talk to your representatives they need to make laws about this'' my fucking president is currently chumming it up with elon fucking musk#while people here are starving to death#we're literally going to freeze this winter because the genius goverment has fucked up our gas supply and that's used not only for heating#but for ELECTRICITY PRODUCTION#so we won't have a wat to heat our houses cook or even fucking SEE AT NIGHT#and you want me to ask them to make copyright laws?!#i want to die
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i'm not mentally prepared for the end of summer i'm afraid
#it's going to be so cold 😭 the night will set in too soon 😭 no more greenery and flowers and fresh produce to enjoy 😭#idc about halloween and winter holidays i want my fucking spring/summer dream and warm weather to be forever#i don't want to be putting on 3 layers of clothing just to be only mildly cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm heat resistant i wasn't built for cold weather. every time i'm a little too cold i just want to lie down on the ground curl up and die#whispers
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Honestly though, this (what Ashe is pointing out) is exactly why I don't think GW could possibly end well. There's no "talking it over" after all the bloodshed (especially bloodshed started by them, and especially bloodshed started by them that didn't have to happen).
The way the narration leaves it "open" too at the end of GW just comes across as "it failed". It feels like... a kind of pointless story?
And I know some people might think that since Dimitri personally isn't as deeply affected by losing Matthias and so might be willing, that's still no good if his people and closest allies aren't. Rodrigue and Sylvain wouldn't be so forgiving, and I do think Dimitri would follow suit because that's his father (Rodrigue)'s closest friend and one of his own closest friends' father.
Add that to the fact that they have Sreng to deal with still (and I imagine sooner or Sylvain would figure out that Leicester had a hand in provoking Sreng to attack Faerghus) on top of losing Matthias and I imagine all the stress and aggravation wouldn't bode well for Leicester as far as Claude's thinking of things working out goes.
I just really can't see where GW goes afterward that would be "good" or works in Claude's favor at all. Maybe that was the intention and it was meant to be a route with a completely tragic ending, but apparently there are players who think it would end well and whatnot and I just can't see that happening (both from Faerghus' end and from Adrestia's end, the latter of which Claude discussed within GW itself).
If their intention was for a totally tragic ending, like yeah, I can see that... but as always the writing muddies the waters to make it sound good while something bad is happening. It keeps trying to have a positive spin on bad things as if they're just afraid to commit to a fully bad ending.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#also to be specific the reason I just call Rodrigue his father outright is bc he refers to him as a “second father” in Houses#but I'm not gonna literally write “his second father” every time I mention it and honestly “adoptive father” doesn't work for me either#bc him being an adoptive sort of parent doesn't make the fact that he /is/ a parent to him any less valid#like a parent is a parent and I don't feel the need to point that out and the feeling is mutual between them#if Rodrigue is literally calling him ''my boy'' it's a pretty cut and dry parent/child relationship#obviously I'm using Houses context in this case but it's still accurate in Hopes#and I just can't see losing Matthias going over smoothly at all and things getting better with time#I mean Matthias is such a major player in Faerghus and so important that I just can't see them being like#well it was only /one/ important bigwig who died. like no it was one important bigwig saving a whole lot of lives#who is also very intelligent and has a deep say in politics. that's ofc not counting#as Ashe says here in AM in reference to Adrestia that they've killed so much on both sides bc of the war#that he can't imagine just sitting and talking now. just because we as players only saw one named character die#and just because that character wasn't a playable character nor a returning character we already knew and loved#doesn't mean hundreds if not thousands more didn't die in Leicester's invasion#like Ashe says here I just don't see how both sides could sit and talk after all that#esp since Sylvain would prob be involved and uh... Sylvain is... a very emotional and angry person#and extremely vengeful (and they rly leaned into that side of him in Hopes in all routes)#I canNOT imagine talks with him involved not getting heated and aggressive#and he'd /have/ to be there bc he's the Margrave now in GW. if they want to have important talks like that#they need all their major players which like even if Felix say wasn't there#Rodrigue has basically equal authority as Felix bc Rodrigue has the respect of experience and has proven himself#so they could be swapped out for talks and Felix being the ''official'' Duke wouldn't affect talks in the least#if Rodrigue was/had to be present instead. with Sylvain you've either got no other options#or you've got Miklan who I can't imagine would want to even get involved with all of that#both bc of his mixed feelings on Matthias but also bc he's been out of the political atmosphere for so long#so yeah I uh... can't... see talks ever going well unless Claude legitimately makes amends somehow#or Houses Claude gets in there smacks him around and fixes some shit before heading back to his own verse lol
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I'm watching Rise of The Pink Ladies for the first time (Yay)
but idk if I can get past episode three because the debate has me wanting to drop everything and run to Santa Fe (Not Yay)
#So far it's a good show#I mean#jason schmidt#am I right#or am I right#(we don't talk about how much I despise Buddy rn)#also all the songs are bangers#it's just debates give me so much anxiety its unreal#I want to curl up in a ball and die#rise of the pink ladies#and I can and will make a Santa Fe reference every time I wanna make a kms joke#better for the mental health#and I'm basically asking for the same thing with my low tolerance for heat
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hiiiiiiiiiiii gay and transgender people in my phone, how are we coping with the weight of the world today??????
#this semester's developments have all been positive so far#but being outside for more than 2 seconds makes me want to Die#i don't even have anything else to be upset about but just existing in this heat zaps me of 100% of my energy#bleeeuuuuurrghhhh
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Copperhead basks in the luxurious sunshine streaming in through the window. It's the perfect time of day when the late summer sun is at its peak, bathing his reptile room in hues of gold and green. It's quiet aside from a few snakes moving around, clambering to access natural sunlight and even Nagaina is doing the same, slithering up his leg to gain access to the same sunning point. "Look at you rushing to get on here. Be careful you don't fall, girl." Copperhead says, reaching down and lifting the immense cobra to come join him. She settles promptly afterwards, dark coils gripping his rough hand before she slides closer to the window, eager to get a look at the city down below. There's no danger of them being seen, not in his high-rise apartment. People at this height look like ants from above, scuttling down in the smog-ridden streets below. Copperhead sighs and leans back, careful to avoid squashing the cobra who had finally made herself comfortable, tongue flickering inquisitively as she watches the endless river of cars driving by. A pity it couldn't be so warm all year-round. There were only a few weeks of sunshine left before he'd have to turn the heating on.
#🐍 || musings#Just a smol while I'm MELTING#I don't like the heat but Copperhead sure does#His apartment is pretty swanky and a few snakes are free-roaming like Nagaina#Nobody's going to break in unless they want to die#Very naturally aesthetic room very pleasing
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It's so frustrating when you look for "affordable" ways to live it's all
"get a roommate"
"live at home with parents"
"live in a tiny home that costs a billion dollars and needs a property to be set on"
"get finical aid that no one can actually get because there's so many hoops"
"live in a million dollar van"
"live in a absolutely desecrated fixer upper home that has holes in the floor roof and rats the size of a small dog and is unlivable "
"work three jobs don't use your lights and eat one meal a week you don't need your meds either"
"find a shitty run down appartment that MASSIVELY over charges will continue to bump rent up after You've stayed so long there and has a six month mim wait period"
I have no fuckin hope of ever bettering my life or gaining freedom and independence
#i really don't know why I'm even bothering I'm so tired#I'm not asking for much i lit want just three rooms a place to sit a place to cook and a place to shower/poop#and i want to have food and medicine and lights on at night and heat in the winter#maybe that's too much to ask for maybe i need to lower my wants n needs#maybe i need to just find a fucking tree to crawl into and die#i just cant keeo doing this#life only gets worse and worse IT NEVER GETS BETTER IN THIS HOUSE#i need to map out and plan what i want my future to look like and start makoysteps to it get a better job get a place of my own#figure out how to get a job n place across seas so i can support myself there get a visa. and the ability to legally be allowed to work n#live there find a job that pays enough to live and insurance and leaves me with enough energy to continue house work and then energy to#enjoy being alive#i have to start moving on if i don't put the steps into it I'll be stuck here forever but GETTING A HOME WOULD BE STEP ONE AND IMPOSSIBLE#i can't keep doin this though
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Dust ep3 eeeeussh
#wacky watermelons#return of taz burying their gays smh (i am joking and kidding)#i feel. i feel like i dont need to tag spoilers for the 6 year old comedy podcast episode#but still. beware#the sound of sucking air through your teeth#grimace. thats the word#anyway. so sorry for both of these characters whose names i do Not remember#this is why you don't get crushes on your straight best friend#bc they marry your sister and then die and you get framed#funny as hell. i imagine aubrey was travis's apology for this specifically (also joking)#i feel i need to specify to joking because this seems like a topic people get heated about#i will not get too into it but like. there are no perfect allies. but “wants to and does do better” is pretty good#anyway back to dust :]!
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It's gonna be 39C (102.2f) and we don't have an aircon fuckkk I hate Australian summers. Especially since, at least here, it's humid af as well.
#personal#vent#it's 29C today and I'm barely able to function im gonna die tomorrow#plan is to wake up at the asscrack of dawn and go somewhere that does have aircon all day#we can't even fix it ourselves because it's not our house and we don't have permission to like come on#like the mall or something#or the supermarket#just turning around in the frozen food department like a rotisserie chicken to be cooled down instead of heated#There's some places i can sit down and vibe that have at least some aircon#better than none#also fuck our real estate for refusing to fix stuff because it costs them money and they want to “”wait“” to be able to pay it#it's fucking summer and we're quite literally toast while they want to save more for christmas#like bruh#y'all are already rich as fuck at least pay off the investment of SHELTER YOU PROVIDE FOR VERY HIGH PRICES#when honestly shelter should be free but damn gotta buy that extra fucking ham or toy train set lest it spoil christmas#like damn imagine having a low key Christmas to save money while actually paying your bills it's almost like thats always us and for what#so y'all can complain you have it hard that we pay for your shit then act surprised you gotta maintain the thing we pay for??#asshats probably don't even look at their electricity bill and ration the damn aircon and fans as if using too much means losing them ffs#anyway fuck the rich and this system that is centred around making basic shelter a commodity#rent is such a fucking scam and buying is like owning a black hole to throw your living expenses into if you dare to own your own shelter#housing should be free and this cabalistic capitalist system is a fucking nightmare#anyway back to the og point lol#it's fucking hot and i want winter back#Australian winters are so mild and great its like spring in other countries i think#spring here is also a nightmare of rain heatwaves and cold fighting in a parking lot so it's not nice here#but winter??#nice and cool and mild#wish it was always less than 23C all the time that'd be amazing#i don't remember what that is in fahrenheit but yeah
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me in the team meeting: "hey sorry I don't have my camera on, I just spent my whole lunch break hanging out laundry in the full sun and I'm all sweaty and gross now 😛"
Tasmanian coworker: "well at least you HAVE sun"
me: 😐
her: 😐
me: 🫠
#forgive me if i don't feel bad for you for NOT dying of heat stroke. i don't have air conditioning and i want to die#dj
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How can you love summer over winter? do you like sweating and not be able to sleep because it's 30 C° at midnight? do you like all those insects that appear everywhere? do you prefer melting in a chair instead of having a good coffee and a blanket in your lap? do you really like having mental breakdowns because it's so hot you cannot think and only want to cry? really? I mean I'm not judging your decisions but only want to tell you are wrong. Summer is the worst, winter and autumn are superior.
#sorry but I'm from Spain and we are some king warn heat in april and I'm already want to die 😭😭😭😭#I don't want to suffer like last year but I think is gonna happen again#weather's ramble#por que hace calor en el punto norte cuando siempre ha hecho fresco hasta más o menos mayo yo ya me veo des falleciendo#me post
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Day infinity of my mother reinforcing why I have a personality disorder.
#negative#TLDR she lost her shit at me for daring to rightfully assume she's accusing me of things when that's her default#she ALWAYS does it even in the most menial conversations she's always like ''don't get offended BUT'' with the dumbest shit#and then when I interrupted her as soon as she started and left she accused me of ''running when we have heated debates''#and then proceeded to scream about it to herself for like 5 minutes#if she weren't the sole controller of the money and it wouldn't ruin us financially if she died right now... I shan't say it#3 of her 4 kids have wanted her dead as we grew up and 2 of the 4 still hold to that desire#and it's because 1 of them fucked off to Kansas and cut all contact and realized she missed bumming things off my mother#my older brother and I are so sick of her but we can't leave#like when she was dying of sepsis a few years ago I was the only one to do anything and it was only when I walked by the room#my older brother just closed the door on her and was gonna let her die in there#she took herself to the ER that day and died#but they brought her back#she deserves it she truly does she's ruined our lives in new and creative ways as we've grown up and we can't do a thing about it#since we're all disabled and rely on her as our carer in a state that regularly murders disabled people in the inpatient care facilities#so my older brother and I are doing our best to not kill her ourselves by making her as miserable as possible in return for her ''love''
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after seeing the last full day of constant extremely vitriolic and accusatory rants acting like they're under seige from a ceaseless tide of hateposting compared to the like two more posts i've seen even mildly criticizing the new breed. yeah i'm convinced people are mostly just making up a guy to be mad at. and i checked onsite and unless the staff have deleted a bunch of shit again (which wouldn't surprise me, they're fond of their nukehammer) i didn't find very much of the Endless Flood Of Disgusting Hatred Tm there that people seem to think they're drowning in either, beyond like, a couple of people on the announcement post being rude, and like one disappointment thread where some of the posters were being shitty and fatphobic about it. if nothing's been deleted then the only way i can imagine the near-universal angry defensive outcry forming as it has is if people are going out of their way to interpret literally every single criticism as being secretly about fatness even and seemingly especially when it's not. and two thirds of the "defenses" are just basically "people aren't allowed to have different tastes from me or want different things out of a design" and are one step over the line in the notes of a minor art edit post off from being like that person in the keel announcement thread way back that went around insulting people's keel reinterpretations and calling them skin conditions. i've already seen people calling the person that edited the male silhouette just to move the tail back a little a fatphobe and an entitled whiner and bigot.
people going to legit war over this thing and the mere idea that anyone might not love it quite as much as they do. people defending a goddamned dragon png from what seems to be a largely imagined horde of dogwhistling bigots like it's life or death. acting like the lead actress of wicked when anyone mildly alters a precious dragon png in a way that does not even remotely alter it's weight. i don't know how to express how absurd all of this is to people who seem to genuinely think that the existence of dragon dislikers is a direct and personal attack on their spirit and sanctity of humanity and that this is some sort of vital symbolic battleground for ideological victory against the dark forces of bigotry and hatred. meanwhile i can barely even find anyone both on tumblr and on the forums mentioning the weight as anything but a boon. which again, makes it seem like people are going absolutely out of their way to interpret every single criticism-adjacent post as secretly being about fatness. i like the things generally speaking and i feel very clearly that it's completely impossible for me to say anything honest about some of my issues with them because i know for a fact that literally no matter what i actually say i have an issue with or how clearly i articulate what i'm talking about i'll just get a flood of people screeching about how "you can just say you hate fat people and go" and shrieking about how entitled i am and how i'm a hypocrite because someone else once said they wanted something that mildly contradicts the thing i'm saying i'd prefer and as we all know people you disagree with are a monolith and yelling about how no one is allowed to complain about biological plausibility or factual consistency because it's a "fantasy game" even if neither thing is literally ever brought up at all, and so on. because making sure that literally no one ever even mildly criticizes anything about a dragon png game ever is the single most important social issue of our time i guess. if you mention any issue that could be even remotely construed as related to their weight or body type on any level you get called a fatphobe and if you DON'T have any issue even possibly arguably related to their weight then they just accuse you of being a closet fatphobe anyway. lack of evidence of guilt is treated as evidence of guilt! you can't win! no one's allowed to dissent in the slightest without it being a secret signal of evil and a direct personal attack on Likers in general! and you're not allowed to *like* something unless it's completely unconditional with absolutely no actual thought or criticism either! the repeated posts i've seen as well about how "I'vVE never felt the urge to go on site just to say i don't like something, that's so weird, what's wrong with you?" are especially baffling and stupid as well, because how the fuck do you think the developers are supposed to figure out what people want and don't want if the only thing anyone's allowed to do is log on, post some largely contentless mindless positivity like "OOOGHOUGHHHGHG I LOVE" with zero delving into any real aspect of exactly why they like it, and never say anything at all when they don't? don't lie to me, i know no amount of constructiveness in criticism is ever enough for you no matter how much these types go on about how criticism needs to be constructive. it didn't take very long at all for the people yelling about concrit back in the day to jump all the way to "actually concrit is bad and evil and entitled too. no one is allowed to say anything unpositive about anything i like ever no matter how politely and constructively you word it". this is a problem fr's had for it's entire lifespan and all it's ever done is get worse and more gaslighty and goalpostmove-y. laying eyes on this eldritch horror of a fandom mindset feels unsettlingly like talking to my mother when she's at the absolute deepest point of her deluded violent manipulative everybody's-out-to-get-me-and-i'm-the-purest-saint-alive lunacy.
and i know if anyone manages to find this post (god i hope not) i'll just get someone putting words in my mouth going on about how i and everyone else just want to bitch about their weight and them not being "elegant" enough (and that apparently people have decided that's a secret code for Skinny now) even though i literally never said any of those things and neither did 90% of the other people i've seen even mildly criticizing anything
and i can't emphasize enough to any outsiders that might be watching that all of this is about a png of a grub-based dragon on a neopets clone dragon game, that i like and think represents a step in the right direction for breed design philosophy and body type variety
#not tagging because i'm not particularly interested in engaging with this discourse directly anymore#my dissapointment with the fr fandom's constant fever-pitch... whatever this is continues#every once in awhile i get reminded why i just lurk and reblog art and don't engage with these people beyond collecting memes#it's because something about pet sites makes everyone fucking insane#people get less heated in *actual political tags* about *actual political issues* that *will result in actual people's deaths*#than they do about people not having the exact same tastes as them on a dragon game#i do not want to discuss this with people. frankly i do not want to discuss anything except lore ideas with fr players in general#i normally like to make or at least plan a post breaking down everything i like and don't like about every new breed#but i feel like that's pretty much impossible to do without getting doxxed at this point#the scariest part is that people in these fandoms absolutely cannot see how fucking insane they are about said piece of media#it's only visible to outsiders#the INNER people's philosopy is that actually YOU'RE all insane and probably bigots for NOT wanting to send people needle cookies over it#to anyone outside i guess if you were thinking of signing up to fr and looking for info on what the fandom's like here's your taste :/#fr is VERY good at projecting an impression of pure flawless happy wholesomeness to the outside for some reason#so much so that it gaslights itself into believing it even as it's melting down into all out war for the third time in a month#increasingly often a seemingly mostly one-sided war#i have never felt more unsafe than i have around these people when they talk about how positive and wholesome their “community” is#word of advice: if you find any fandom that persistently calls itself a community just turn around and run for the hills#like i said. something about pet sites just seems to make people fucking insane#the only reason i still play this game is because i have nothing else to do while i wait to die and i'm addicted to scrying and worldbuildi#best way to play this game is to never go on the forums and in fact never speak to anyone else who plays it i think#same goes for all pet games
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