#but i MISS HER OKAY we were best friends for 6 years she literally got me out of my darkest moments :((((

[lyv-writes]

OKAYY WE NEED DAD!SPENCER REID‼️

okay so Reader is going out for the day for like a little girls day with her best friends and says bye to Spencer and the cute little toddler! Buttt then the toddler starts missing reader and Spencer isn’t sure how to handle it at first, but then he gets the hang of it! <33

AAAA this is so cute omg thank u for this!!! i hope i was able to do it justice <33

spencer reid x mom!reader

words: 1,395

warnings: none really! just spencer being a good step-dad to your daughter, fluff, baby crying, that’s it!! :]

୭ 🧷 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

“Thanks again, Spence,” you say, pressing another sweet kiss to his lips before tugging your coat off the hook and making for the front door. “Remember, Lila is allergic to kiwi. And her bedtime is 8, no exceptions. She has to go to daycare tomorrow morning.”

You had spent the morning holding Lila, playing with her and soaking up her laughter as much as you could. Spencer knew you had never really been apart from her—going to work was one thing, but there was a guilt that came with taking the day for yourself. He watches with a fond smile as you ramble through the list that you had already repeated to him twice and does his best to reassure you, nodding along despite having already memorized it.

Pre-made food in the fridge.

Medical information on the fridge in case of emergencies.

Call if she gets too fussy.

“Oh!” You say, halfway out the door before turning back to Spencer, a smile gracing your face. “And don’t let her convince you to give her sweets after dinner. She’ll ask you for fruit snacks, all cute, then she won’t sleep and it will be hell in the morning.”

“No fruit snacks after dinner, got it,” Spencer said, following your line of sight to Lila sitting on her plush rug in the living room, toys surrounding her as she played. Your face softened, affection swimming in your eyes and he could practically hear the thoughts going through your head. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, he gently guides your face back to meet his eyes.

“We’ll be fine,” he says, tone soft as your shoulders sag at the understanding behind his words. “You deserve to have a day with your friends. I think Lila can handle playing dolls with me for a few hours.”

His phrasing made you giggle, picturing Lila’s pouting face, wagging her little finger at Spencer when he takes something too literally, or doesn’t do it the way she wants. For some reason, Lila is never happy with the voices Spencer does, and after a year-and-a-half she still gets that same little pinched brow whenever Spencer holds a doll in his hand, high-pitched voice mimicking a princess’s until she yanks the toy out of his hand with a firm, yet cute, “No, ‘Penth.”

Without fail, hearing his name in her little voice makes his heart soar, pride filling his chest even if she’s scolding him, wagging her little finger as she says it. He’d always been hesitant at the idea of being a father, whenever he pictured his future that was always a blurry part, but now he couldn’t imagine not having you and Lila in his life.

Searching his face, you finally come to the conclusion that he’s being sincere and a bright smile covers your face. Spencer had come to terms a long time ago, far before the two of you were even dating, that he would do anything to make you smile. A sense of pride wells in his chest knowing that the smiles you give him are just for him, a special glint in your eyes every time.

Between work, and Lila, there was hardly any downtime to just relax. Your evenings were often spent wrangling Lila into bed, usually with Spencer if he’s not away for work. Spencer made it a point to be home in time to have dinner with both of you as much as he could, slowly getting involved in her night time routine. She was 6-months-old when you and Spencer began dating, and while it took some getting used to at first, Lila began reaching for Spencer with a giggle and a giddy squeeze soon enough.

When your friends suggested a girl’s spa-day, Spencer was quick to encourage you to go. Having a toddler made it hard to have a social life, especially when your friends weren’t moms themselves. Lila had warmed up quickly to Spencer, which was the biggest relief, and it was hard to find a reason to say no when Spencer offered to babysit.

“She’s gonna be my daughter,” Spencer said, a fond smile on his face as the two of you spoke conspiratorially in the kitchen. “I already think of her as mine, I’d be happy to watch her for the day.”

Your heart swelled hearing his words, and you couldn’t help but say yes when he put it like that. Spencer, you, and Lila being your own happy little family was all you could ever ask for, and it meant more than Spencer could ever know that he had been so welcoming and understanding. He was a dream.

With a final glance at Lila and a sigh, you’re pressing another unhurried kiss to Spencer’s lips, that same lil dazed smile on his face that he got after every kiss, even after nearly 2 years. “Thank you, Spence. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replies, pressing another sweet kiss to your lips, then your cheek, then your forehead—you were gonna be gone all day, he had to get his fill while he could. “Now go before you miss your appointment.”

With a final kiss, Spencer watches as you walk down the front steps, drive away, waiting until he can't see your car anymore before he’s turning around and closing the door behind him. When he looks up, Lila is already looking at him, eyes glancing between the door and him before her small voice is heard over the cartoon playing on the tv.

“Mama?”

“Mama went to the store,” Spencer cooed, lowering himself down to sit on the floor in front of her and her array of toys. “She’s coming back, don’t worry.”

“Mama s’ore?” she whispered in her small voice, her wide eyes blinking slowly at him before her lip began to tremble. It broke his heart to see her eyes, which looked so much like yours, gloss over with tears.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay,” Spencer said, scooping her up in his arms. “She’s coming back for you. She’ll be here soon!”

With a sharp wail for her mom, the tears that had been welling up began falling in big drops, hands gripping tightly to the fabric of his shirt as she cried. Hurriedly, he began to bounce her in his arms, mimicking the way he had seen you do it countless times. He’s shushing her in a soft voice, whispering soothing words in the hopes that they’ll at least calm your crying.

Spencer wracks his brain, trying to sift through the information he had gleaned from the parenting books he had been reading for the past two years—he had started as soon as he came to the conclusion he would ask you out. Would showing her pictures of you work? He didn’t want to make things worse by making her miss you more, but maybe seeing your face would soothe her.

Transferring Lila to one hip, he fishes his phone from his pocket and opens the album of your photos, showing her various selfies, focusing on pictures he has of the two of you. After a couple of minutes her sobs quieted to sniffles and soon enough she was swiping through the pictures herself and giggling every time she saw your face.

With her swiping, it landed on a video, one he had taken of you reading a story to her before bed. At the time he had thought the voices you were using for the characters were so funny, hiding his own laughter behind his hand so that he could capture the sound of Lila’s giggles.

Spencer watches as she giggles along with herself, laughing at the way she reacts when you tickle her tummy. Spencer cant help the fond laugh the slips from his lips at the sight, bright grin tugging at his cheeks at your rosy smile.

When you arrive home that evening, only the kitchen light is on downstairs, the faint light from your bedroom guiding you as you softly push open the door. A warm smile paints your face as you slip your phone from your pocket, taking quite a few pictures of Lila, fast asleep atop Spencer’s chest, her favorite book lying next to his relaxed hand. His soft breaths rustle the hair at Lila’s scalp, her hand loosely gripping the edge of his sleeve as she sleeps.

Tip-toeing around the room, you shed your clothes from the day, slip on some pajamas before placing Spencer’s book on the nightstand. Slipping softly under the covers, you curl yourself around Spencer’s side, hand resting on Lila’s back as you fall asleep, comfortable with the people you love the most.

[diorsluv]

feather , christmas special

“ all i want for christmas is you ”

series m. list

nhl + umich x platonic!drysdale!reader,

luke hughes x fem!reader,

temporary male!oc x fem!reader

( socialmedia!au )

jamie.drysdale

liked by yourusername, dylanduke25, lhughes_06, and 58,021 others

jamie.drysdale happy 20th birthday lil sis..

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

edwards.73 aww you were best friends when you were kids…. what happened

→ jamie.drysdale she got too annoying

→ yourusername he became “one of the boys” 🙄

yourusername u dont seem too happy abt me turning 20

→ jamie.drysdale ur one year away from being 21 and that means i have to take care of u when u get drunk

→ trevorzegras he started crying to me about how he didn’t want you to grow up

→ jamie.drysdale LIES trevorzegras

username63 I AM SOBBING SO HARD RN THIS IS TOO CUTE

markestapa thanks for the childhood pics that i def won’t post when she least expects it

→ jamie.drysdale anytime 🫡

→ yourusername HEY HEY NO

_alexturcotte

liked by jackhughes, yourusername, trevorzegras, and 32,332 others

_alexturcotte happy birthday to miss mini drysdale and i hope you enjoyed your photoshoot (i took all the pics) 🥳🥳

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername my own personal photographer 🥰

→ _alexturcotte you’re lucky you’re my fav girl

→ yourusername AWWW STOP ITTT

colecaufield yes and i brought the props

luca.fantilli i don’t think you should trust her with a torch

→ yourusername I’M VERY RESPONSIBLE

username49 THE TIARAAAA

username57 i love how they all post her at the same exact time

jackhughes be careful, remember how her dress lit on fire last time?

→ yourusername THAT WAS YOU THO????

→ _quinnhughes but it was kinda your fault jack

→ lhughes_06 dude YOU were the one that dropped a lit candle on her skirt

→ jackhughes okay i didn’t need you to gang up on me ���

rutgermcgroarty

likes by yourusername, adamfantilli, colecaufield, and 59,795 others

rutgermcgroarty happy birthday to the best drysdale 🍰

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername aw i AM the best drysdale 🥱

→ rutgermcgroarty ok now dont gotta get all cocky about it

username54 all the phones 😭😭

username25 the second pic is giving best girl energy

adamfantilli that cake genuinely scared the shit out of me

→ yourusername it’s just sparklers 🙄

markestapa you made us sing happy birthday for her 6 times.

→ rutgermcgroarty well you all sounded bad

→ mackie.samo you were the one that was off key tho???

username38 her bday looks so funnn

colecaufield

liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes, yourusername, and 45,239 others

colecaufield happy birthday even tho we don’t see each other enough so i had to use pics from your 18th birthday 😒

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

_alexturcotte imagine not being able to see her

→ colecaufield ok little buddy you don’t see her any more than i do

→ jackhughes literally could not be me (it’s torture)

yourusername I’LL COME TO SEE YOU MORE OFTEN COUGH SYRUP 🥰🥰

→ colecaufield i take it back i don’t want you coming near me

→ trevorzegras i started “cough syrup” u gotta give me credits

→ yourusername no i did it first stop trying to steal my genius ideas

username36 the heart shaped balloon is adorableee

luca.fantilli her 18th bday was 🔥🔥

→ lhughes_06 bro u werent even there

→ edwards.73 u didnt even know her

→ yourusername it’s okay guys he just wants to fit in #fomo

_quinnhughes

liked by luca.fantilli, yourusername, rutgermcgroarty, and 75,239 others

_quinnhughes i helped secretly decorate her apartment for her 20th birthday and you didn’t. we are not the same 🥱🥱

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername since when did you start bragging about me

→ _quinnhughes since rn

→ yourusername i’ll take it ig……

username47 THE FLOWERS AAAAA

username19 guys have you noticed how dead silent booker’s been

→ username58 fr he hasn’t commented at all or posted anything abt her 😭

jackhughes i helped too

→ _quinnhughes shut up no u didnt

→ yourusername let him have his moment jack, he doesn’t get a lot of them

dylanduke25

liked by yourusername, adamfantilli, mackie.samo, and 24,136 others

dylanduke25 took her out to eat then surprised her with the best pizza she’s ever eaten for her bday 💪

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

mackie.samo your handwriting is atrocious

→ dylanduke25 wbk tell me something i don’t know 🙄

username34 oh! candles on pizza!

username15 mcdonalds on ur bday >>>>>

yourusername the pizza was cold asf but that’s okay!!!!!!

→ dylanduke25 hard as a rock

→ markestapa WOAHHH THERE DUKER 🤨🤨

→ dylanduke25 bro stop making it weird

→ lhughes_06 fr

trevorzegras they always say the way to a woman’s heart is through food

→ yourusername but do they say that tho….??

username93 best gift ever frfr

markestapa

liked by yourusername, edwards.73, lhughes_06, and 65,297 others

markestapa HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL DRIZZY

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS IS THE BEST ONE YET LMFAOOOO

→ markestapa LETS FUCKING GO I WIN

mackie.samo goddammit i knew i should’ve done this instead

→ markestapa loserrrr

username32 oh my……

_quinnhughes what the hell is this

jamie.drysdale i’m ashamed to say i think you know my sister better than i do

→ markestapa no no her edward cullen phase was a difficult time for all of us

→ jamie.drysdale i’ve blocked out all the trauma

→ yourusername you’re all haters

trevorzegras

liked by jamie.drysdale, _quinnhughes, yourusername, and 89,027 others

trevorzegras i spent 5 hours secretly decorating and making these cupcakes and i survived all the weird stares i got for walking straight past the christmas section SO BE GRATEFUL. oh and happy birthday i guess

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername i was so confused why jack and quinn wouldn’t let me in my own room for those five hours.. but yes yes i’m so grateful AND THE CUPCAKES ARE MAGNIFICENT

→ trevorzegras at least SOMEONE appreciates my efforts

→ _alexturcotte trevor you almost popped like half the balloons from blowing them up too much

username61 why did i just now realize that her birthday is on christmas

colecaufield wait i thought ian somerhalder was supposed to be on one of the cupcakes

→ trevorzegras who???

→ trevorzegras OH THE HOT GUY FROM THE BLOODSUCKER SHOW

→ yourusername fr i was kinda expecting tom blyth too but it’s okay

username30 LOUIS PARTRIDGEEEE

mackie.samo

liked by lhughes_06, yourusername, adamfantilli, and 53,928 others

mackie.samo i tried going the “aesthetic” route for u but clearly u like the rob pattinson ones more 🙄🙄 happy birthday mini drysdale

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername BUT YOU HELPED WITH THE SURPRISE PARTY AND I LOVE THAT SO MUCH MORE

→ mackie.samo HAHA IN UR FACE markestapa

→ markestapa WHAT NO I HELPED WITH THE PARTY TOO

_quinnhughes the amount of tiaras we’ve given her is concerning

→ yourusername i like them thoughhh ☺️

→ jamie.drysdale you know how she is with her tiaras

→ yourusername I STOPPED WEARING THEM WHEN I WAS 8 AND YOU KNOW THAT

username57 the way it’s turned into a competition 💀

edwards.73

liked by markestapa, adamfantilli, yourusername, and 57,294 others

edwards.73 pics from the birthday girl’s afterparty bc everyone else is unoriginal

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername wait til you see jack’s post 😭

→ edwards.73 wait WHAT

username44 good lord how many parties are there lmaooo

→ yourusername you don’t even wanna know

jackhughes oh please you weren’t even there for the pre-party

→ edwards.73 WHAT PRE-PARTY??

→ yourusername don’t worry ethan i didn’t know about it either until i was there 😭😭

→ edwards.73 how come i wasn’t invited 😒

trevorzegras since when was there an afterparty???????

→ yourusername yeah i don’t think they invited you..

→ trevorzegras WHO??

→ yourusername uhh mark, mackie, moosey, duker, rut, luca and adam

→ jackhughes it’s fine z they weren’t invited to the pre-party anyway

luca.fantilli

liked by yourusername, lhughes_06, mackie.samo, and 85,872 others

luca.fantilli more pics of this kid at her afterparty 🤷‍♂️ happy 20th birthday

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

edwards.73 ur actually so unoriginal

→ yourusername he idolizes u 🤩🤩🤩

→ luca.fantilli shut up

username12 wait that cake is so cool

username47 new tiara every post LMAO

yourusername “this kid” is crazy

→ luca.fantilli i am older than u tho

→ yourusername NOT EVEN BY A YEAR

→ luca.fantilli I’M LIKE 5 DAYS OFF

jackhughes

liked by _quinnhughes, yourusername, trevorzegras, and 94,782 others

jackhughes happy birthday to our christmas girl (our pre-party was on christmas eve) 🥳🥳

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername i think i maxxed out my cake consumption

→ jackhughes good thing you ate our cake first

username27 are you telling me she had THREE parties 😦

→ yourusername yes. THREE of them.

→ username27 girl you are stronger than i’ll ever be

edwards.73 wtvvv the pre-party sounds like it was lame

→ lhughes_06 ngl it might’ve been better than the afterparty

→ dylanduke25 LUKE YOU WERE AT THE PRE-PARTY????

→ lhughes_06 oops

username16 birthday princess turned birthday queen i loveeeeee

adamfantilli

liked by jamie.drysdale, luca.fantilli, yourusername, and 48,396 others

adamfantilli HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL DRIZZ! i hope you enjoy your birthday and that baby pic i definitely didn’t steal from your brother

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

username34 jamie has started the attack of the baby pics

yourusername the shrek photos 😦😦 my sweet sweet adam what have they done to you

→ adamfantilli many many things 😔

markestapa im ngl 4 year old lil drizzy was dripped out

→ adamfantilli fr

→ yourusername FR

→ jamie.drysdale no… no she wasn’t

username6 i need someone to post shrek on my birthday

luca.fantilli i can’t believe you posted two whole pics of her on her bday

→ yourusername you’re just toooooo funny 😒

lhughes_06

liked by yourusername, _quinnhughes, edwards.73, and 97,290 others

lhughes_06 hit em with the annual birthday sleepover 🥱 happy 20th birthday lil drizzy, ur finally my age

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername i’ve always been your age 🙄

→ lhughes_06 mmmm but barely

→ yourusername I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU

→ lhughes_06 i bought you $200 worth of gifts u just havent opened them all yet

username72 HE GAVE HER A FULL CROWN INSTEAD OF A TIARA AW

jackhughes she stopped letting me and quinn sleep over when we turned 13 but how come u still get to do it 🤨

→ lhughes_06 i’m the favorite

→ yourusername wbk tbh

username84 THE POSSIBILITIES ARE LOW BUT NEVER ZERO

rutgermcgroarty is that why you kicked the rest of us out after the afterparty 😞

→ lhughes_06 yes

→ yourusername can’t break tradition!

_quinnhughes hey hey no funny business alright

→ lhughes_06 bro she has a literal bf

→ yourusername all we do is gossip and give each other facials

→ lhughes_06 DON’T SAY THAT yourusername

→ luca.fantilli luke do you have something to tell us…?

username75 luke is secretly a girl

→ username12 or secretly a simp

→ username71 i dont think hes “secretly” any of those things 😭😭

yourusername

liked by lhughes_06, jamie.drysdale, colecaufield, and 99,117 others

yourusername thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and to everyone who celebrated me turning 20 years old!! and ofc thank you to a certain someone who always stays up until exactly 12 am to wish me happy birthday first 🫢 also merry christmas and happy holidays, i love you all mwahhhh!

view all comments

jackhughes i wonder who that someone could be 🤔

→ trevorzegras huh i think their name seemed to have slipped my mind

→ _alexturcotte it’s so weird usually i don’t forget

→ colecaufield i can’t believe none of us can remember

→ _quinnhughes you’re all painfully obvious

lhughes_06 wow the special shoutout 😱

→ yourusername ik ur just so lucky

username26 so let’s run it back to booker and the fact that he’s been completely silent throughout ALL of this

→ username48 fr like where is bro

username3 isn’t that the crown luke gave her

mackie.samo we’ll throw an even better party next year

→ yourusername i’m looking forward to it 🫣

notes ) so.. i actually struggled trying to find good pics and ALMOST NONE OF THEM MATCH EACH OTHER lmaooo but yes here is the christmas special i promised and ik no one posts actual insta posts for someone elses bday but it was more fun writing it that way n i hope u all like it!! (lightly proofread so if there are any mistakes i apologize 😭)

tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot

[kedreeva]

as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!

Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!

I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.

Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.

So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.

Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.

I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.

In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).

SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.

I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).

I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).

The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.

But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.

also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.

Good luck out there!

[corbinite]

been off social media for a while cause work and life and being broker than usual have just been a lot but now I'm back to emopost and be dramatic as always.

I keep working to keep my friendgroup together, it really feels like it's just me and one other friend putting in that effort and even then her anxiety keeps her from reaching out some of the time so a lot of it really is me working to get us together for game night and keeping the groupchat going, and we keep having friends drop out of the group

There were a couple like two or so years ago that I don't wanna talk about, it's mostly my fault

One who just stopped talking to me specifically but hangs out with the others still and I have no idea what's going on nor do the others, and I've tried to reach out and get a feel for if we're still friends and I truly have no read on the situation I'm just baffled

One who was one of my lifelong best friends who like a year ago broke up her girlfriend (my other best friend in the group) and got a bunch of new friends and stopped talking to all us out of the blue and left the dnd campaign which her ex was not even in with barely a word and now just recently she told another friend who I guess she's still talking to that she's feeling "abandoned by the group" even though she never even replied to the last text I sent and it really seemed by the messy way she broke up with the first friend that she was kind of trying to burn bridges anyway so I don't fucking know what to do with that!

And a couple other friends who have just been distant and unreliable for a while which I get, they have lives outside the friend group and even closer friends in another group, it's fine, I just wish getting them to communicate when I'm trying to schedule my goddamn 30th birthday party wasn't like herding cats (especially considering the party was literally going to be 5 people with them included, and ended up just being 3 of us in the end)

And now today we got another very close friend who's been busier and busier which again I get and she hasn't been able to make game nights which I get and she just said tonight that she definitively won't be able to make future game nights or other hangouts because things are still getting busier which I get and then without saying she's leaving just dropped out of the server (which is a small friend group server of like 6 people now) and when I messaged her asking if she was okay she said yes and said we should stay in touch and I'm like that's the whole reason why the server is there it's literally there so we can keep in touch, but whatever I'm not getting passive aggressive about it, I'm being an adult

But inside I'm frankly upset with her and the others (not the last friend for having to leave because at least her reasons aren't immature bs, but for just being out of the blue and not really saying anything or giving us a chance to see her off or respond at all). I know I have two rocks of friends who genuinely want to be around me and each other and they don't create a bunch of drama, and they do occasionally initiate. But damn it really feels like I'm just straining to keep this friend group together and it isn't even working. And I'm bad at scheduling things, I'm bad at keeping up obligations, the fact that it's falling on me means it is *dire*, but I'm doing what I can and it's still not enough! I know it's not fair on them or myself to compare how the group is now to when we were younger and all unemployed, or during lockdown when we were all furloughed and could just be in chat all the time. But I still feel like it shouldn't be this hard! If I don't schedule something, if I don't initiate, we practically never see each other! It's just disheartening and I just feel like the collapse of the entire friend group is inevitable. I'm gonna lose the two really close friends I have left, and I'm gonna miss them and be distraught about it (and rationally I know they'd miss me too but my brain is telling me they wouldn't), and I guess the one silver lining in that scenario is there'd be almost nothing stopping me from just moving to a bigger city and starting over which honestly! I've been tempted to do anyway, I've been getting the destructive urge to just throw a torch onto my current life and move to Chicago or NY or smth. Stop worrying about if the group will or won't collapse and just let it you know? But gfdi I'm being strong and *trying* to hold onto the friends I still have

[half-deadmagicperson]

Phic Phight Phic 6

Title: Tuesday Night Knitting

AO3

For @phicphight

Words: 1145

Prompt: Danny is forced to get a hobby. By @brokeitwiththepowerofmathamatics

Summary: Danny is bored. His friends suggested that he get a new hobby. Guess he'll try knitting.

Warnings: Off screen major character death

I know technically no one forced Danny to have a hobby, but his boredom did.

   "Since the ghosts haven't been attacking lately, I've been bored. I never realized just how much time I spent keeping them at bay," young Danny Fenton said to his two best friends before grabbing his Nasty Fries out of the bag. Tucker Foley paused on eating his burger to reply.

  "Maybe you need a new hobby?"

  "You could try gardening!" Sam chimed in.

  "No offense Sam, but that wouldn't work. I kill pretty much any plant I touch."

   "What about programming?" suggested Tucker.

  "Not really my thing. I need to find something nice and relaxing, but also useful.

   "My Grandma Ida knits," his goth friend mentioned as she brought her tofu sandwich to her mouth.

   "Yeah, but knitting is for old ladies," Tucker argued.

   "Knitting and crochet are both relaxing and useful. You could make literally anything. And who knows? Danny might enjoy it!" Sam defended.

   "I mean I suppose I could give it a shot. How hard could it be?"

  "Great! I'll get in touch with Grandma Ida and see when she's available to teach you," Sam replied.

   The trio spent the rest of the evening chowing down on their food and talking about various things and tea from school. Before they departed, Sam told Danny she'd text him the dates and stalked off into the night.

  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   The date was set for Danny to head over to Sam's house to see her grandma. Danny's nerves acted up when he arrived at Manson Mansion. Sam's parents still disapproved of him. Thankfully, Ida had picked a day when the Manson's were out on business. He rang the doorbell.

   Sam's grandma answered the door and sweetly beckoned Danny in. She brought him to a cozy sitting room (one of many in the house) and showed him to a chair next to hers. Danny sat down as Ida pulled out needles and yarn. She gave Danny a bluish-grey skein of yarn.

   "Now, what should we make first?" Grandma Ida asked, tapping her chin. She brightened up.

  "I know! How about we make a scarf?"

   She showed Danny how to cast the first stitches onto his needle. After he finished casting on twenty stitches, her frail hands guided his own in the motion of a standard knit. It was a bit hard at first. He would sometimes lose the stitch by pushing it off the needle too early, but Ida patiently helped him and offered bits of advice here or there.

   The afternoon flew by and Danny made a lot of progress! Grandma Ida brought him some tea and a snack from the kitchen. She had started a scarf of her own shortly after she helped Danny, and she was a lot further along. The two of them swapped stories over tea while Danny finished up his scarf. Ida taught him how to close it off and sew in the loose ends.

   He held the scarf up in pride. It was very uneven and had a few holes from missed stitches, but he was happy with it. Grandma Ida smiled and patted his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   For the past three years, Ida and Danny had been knitting and crocheting over tea every Tuesday. Danny learned that homemade scarves and hats and sweaters make good presents. He also liked to make some to donate to charity.

    One Thursday he got a call from Sam.

    "Hey Danny? I got some news," she started, "Grandma Ida is in the hospital."

   "Is she okay? What happened?"

   "She's fine. She just wasn't feeling too great. The doctors are holding her overnight to run some tests."

   "Okay. Well, I'll go visit her. Love you lots!"

    "Love you too. See ya at school tomorrow."

   "See you then."

   Danny hung up the phone and prepared to drive out to see Ida. He grabbed his coat as well as a small parcel.

  After checking in at the front desk, he walked over to her room.

  "Hi Grandma!"

   "Hello Danny!" Despite her sickness, she was just as cheerful.

   "I just wanted to see how you were doing. I brought you something!"

   "Oh let me see!"

  He handed her the parcel and she unwrapped it. Inside was an uneven, blue-grey scarf with holes in it. She looked over at Danny and smiled.

   "I remember that day," she spoke fondly, "Now, Danny, I need you to take care of something for me. I need you to take these."

   She held out her favorite pair of knitting needles. Danny looked up at her in confusion.

   "Why do you need me to take them? Won't you need them for your projects?"

   "Ah, alas, I fear my time is almost up. And, well, I can't very well leave them to my daughter. She'd just throw them away! I wanted to leave them with someone special who'd actually use them."

   Tears stung Danny's eyes as he responded, "But… How could your time be almost up? Sam said you were fine! You're gonna be fine, right?"

   "I have lived a very long and content life. Eighty-five years is a lot. I'm not scared of death. It was bound to happen at some point. It's part of being human."

   Danny stared at her contemplatively. Ida patted his hand.

   "Besides, I'm sure we can still have tea and knit. It'll just be different. Now, take good care of these needles and take good care of Sam. I always knew you two'd end up together."

   Danny smiled and gently took the needles. He said his final goodbyes and walked out to the car. He sobbed all the way home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Grandma Ida died in her sleep on Friday night. The following weekend, her funeral was held, and Danny put the scarf he gave her by her grave. Later that day was the reading of her will. Her family, as expected, got most of everything, but there were a few items listed for one Daniel J. Fenton. He was to receive all of Ida's knitting needles, hooks, and yarn, as well as a small parcel with his name on it.

    Danny loaded the yarn hoard into his car. Man, she really had a lot of yarn. He closed the trunk and swung into the driver's seat. In his hands, laid the small parcel with his name scrawled on it. He carefully opened it to reveal a note.

'Incase you get cold'

   Behind the note there was a lime green scarf with the Phantom logo added to it. He cried. It was the same scarf she made the first night they sat for tea while her frail hands guided him into making his own creation.

   The following Tuesday, Phantom walked into the Infinite Realms towards its newest lair. An elderly ghost answered the door and let him in.

   "Now, what should we make today? I know, a scarf!"

    Danny smiled as he pulled out some yarn. The two sat down and began their work.

[kjhmyg]

not re related but i’ve been having a rough time… this happened almost a year ago but last year in august, it was senior year (i still remember the exact date and time it happened) but two of my best friends cut me off cuz they said i had a lot of problems.. and no joke cried until 3 in the morning. it was so hard seeing them everywhere at school, i literally cried every week bc my heart hurt so bad just from seeing them. even though our friendship lasted 6 months (6 months with one of them, the other 2 years) we talked every day, literally every day, hung out almost every week and had a sleepover every month, so when they cut me off, i felt like a piece of my heart fucking tore in half.

then during the 2nd semester of senior year, i became classmates (not even friends) with the person i knew for 2 years and i admit i was REALLY happy. but a part of me thought she was doing it out of pity, keep in mind i still cried every week because of how bad it hurt. and then on our last day of school, i finally did the thing that hurt me the most and blocked their instas and delete all of our gcs and messages, and all of our photos. 700 photos of them. and i cried for hours on end. it hurt so bad.

and at graduation i saw one of them, and we talked for a bit. but it still hurt so bad. i thought i wouldn’t be so hung up over them but i still am it hurts.. and like the thing is, i thought we’d be a friend group throughout our senior year and maybe even college but it still hurts… and like i want to forget them but i genuinely can’t. :(

ALSO IM SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST CUZ MY MOM’S NO HELP AT ALL- like my little cousin asked me what happened between them and i started crying and so she got my mom AND MY MOM TOLD ME TO STOP CRYING, SAYING IT HAPPENED A WHILE AGO. i was just like 😀😀

hi my love! first of all, no need to apologise, we all need a good rant once in a while. i'm so sorry this happened to you :( no one deserves to be abandoned like that! did they ever elaborate on what they meant by problems? because unless those problems were affecting them, it's terrible that they just cut you off like that! especially since you knew one of them for 2 years, and spoke with them everyday.

i think it's the fact that you never got closure that's got you hung up over the whole thing. but now that you've blocked them on ig and deleted the gc, it means you're ready to move on! right?

i had a similar situation with a close friend of mine. we stopped talking (my fault, not hers), but i was hung up over it for YEARS. but because i knew i was in the wrong and i missed her. i did apologise but things didn't go back to the way it was - which is fine, because again, it was my fault.

we were still in each other's close friends list on ig and because i was seeing her every day on ig, it made it difficult for me to move on. like i kept wishing she would reply to my stories or wish me happy birthday. which never happened. so...i muted her. and the less i saw of her, the busier i got with other stuff like work etc, the easier it was to forget! to move on!

out of sight, out of mind.

so if you're ready to let the past go and move on, then im telling you from first hand experience that it will get better! let yourself feel what you feel, grieve your friendship (release all of what could've been), but know that you will feel better one day!

(but if you still want closure, it's a whole different thing so lmk. i got closure in my own way.)

anyway, you're allowed to feel sad about it doesn't matter what people think.

because i do get it, wanting to have a friend group to go through an important part of your life with. with people you have many memories with. unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky :( (me included, i never had that!).

but you'll have more chances in the future! (but also, it's okay even if you don't have that!) (it's okay to be alone) (but i dont want you to feel lonely) (life is complicated).

disclaimer that i'm not a licensed to give advice just a deeply flawed person that cares about you, and i hope that you can find your smile again one day <3

[aaronsrpgs]

On Finishing Lost in 2023, In an Alternate USA From the One Oceanic Flight 815 Was Headed Toward

I started watching Lost with a very treasured friend on August 6, 2022. She'd seen it multiple times before, including when it was first airing; she'd even gone to Hawaii and experienced a "Lost tour" where she got to see the sets.

I'd seen half an episode while drunk circa 2008 and knew there was a smoke monster, time travel, and a despised final season.

Watching the show with my friend was a great social experience, and the social experience seems like it'll continue as I encounter other people who have seen it. And I liked the show okay! Like, a solid B. I give the same grade to the final season and the final episode. Which brings some angry responses from some people I've talked to.

Spoilers for Lost below.

FLASHBACK People who watched the show as it aired often went to message boards to discuss theories and to conventions to ask questions of the writers and producers of the show. There is a feeling (from people I've talked to who were there) that promises were made: everything will be explained in the end.

And the show's many mysteries, catalogued on forums and fan sites, were NOT explained (the story goes). And so the show was ruined. END FLASHBACK

Before going any further, it might help to watch this video essay, "Annihilation and Decoding Metaphor" by Folding Ideas. Basically, he explains that some stories are metaphorical, and as such, they don't always make literal sense. (I'm doing the essay a disservice explaining it that way; go watch it if you have time.)

Lost works best when viewed this way, as a metaphor, and I was lucky to experience without the paratext of message boards, creator commentaries, and an enforced weekly timeslot across six years.

So what are the themes of Lost, and how does it use its components to explore those themes?

First, Lost is a Robinsonade. Like Robinson Crusoe, it puts a bunch of people on a (seemingly) deserted island to see what they do. Key to most Robinsonades are:

What do we bring with us (personal, material, and cultural)?

What do we leave behind (personal, material, and cultural)?

And from those questions, how do the enforced scarcities (lack of food, water, infrastructure, human company and social structures) keep us from building our idealized form of society away from the world? And how do our internalized notions of what society should be keep from enjoying a potential Eden?

Before it gets tied in to any metaplot about the history of the island and the other people on it, Lost is a cast of people who are deeply traumatized, usually by fathers, wealth, and a mix of the two.

John Locke is directly traumatized by his father, who is responsible for him being in a wheelchair. Jack is trying to please his hyper-competent, also-alcoholic father who is now dead, making him impossible to please. Kate's stepfather is abusive, and her real father is gone. Sun's father is a wealthy businessman/gangster who also holds sway over Jin (who has the only nice dad). Hugo's dad disappeared and only comes back when Hugo wins the lottery decades later. Desmond is in love with a woman whose dad thinks he isn't good enough. Charlie and his brother get too famous too fast in a band inspired by their patriarchal heritage. Michael is himself a dad, and often a bad one (an example of the show's ongoing bad portrayal of people of color). Boone and Shannon are part of a fucked up family. Claire's dad is missing, as is the father of the baby she carries. Woof!

(Sayid is the only one seemingly free of hangups about wealth and dads. This often frees him from the rest of the group's hangups, letting him solve problems that no one else could. He is instead traumatized by war and his role as a torturer; no one gets off scot free in a soap opera.)

And while the show initially seems interested in some of the material scarcities of living on an island (food, medicine, water), all of this is ameliorated by the start of season two, with mysterious shipments of food and a hatch full of living supplies. Lost is clearly more interested in the personal and cultural hangups of a Robinsinade, only occasionally using material scarcity to heighten those personal issues. This isn't a show about creating new foodways for a post-capitalist world. It's about fucked up people who may or may not want to become less fucked up.

So let's talk about that! Lost's island is magic. It heals the sick (John Locke and Rose prime among them), giving them another chance at life. It's also unstuck in space and time, and there are forces at work that keep people from leaving. So even if you don't want another chance at life, you're FORCED to try. You can't get home, back to the systems you're used to, so you either have to try something new or constantly work against the people who are building something on the island.

The people who have the hardest time with this are Sawyer and Jack. Sawyer, despite seeming like a rebel, is entrenched in his life as a con man, a life he initially pursued for personal vengeance. But now he's done it so long, he doesn't know how to do anything else. And Jack has spent so long trying to please his doctor father by becoming a perfect doctor himself, through constant discipline and eschewing personal relations, that he can't do anything else on the island; he seizes control and tries to be perfect at everything.

But the island is unrelenting at its insistence that you try again to become a better person. There is something at its core ("negatively charged exotic matter") that produces all these strange effects. A group of people, the Others, have been on the island guarding for thousands of years at the instruction of Jacob, who inherited guardianship from a strange and violent woman. He follows the tradition she sat down without question. She's kind of a dad in that way.

So here are a bunch of people fucked up by capitalism and the patriarchy. John Locke had offered his trust over and over back in the old world, and he always came out worse for wear (betrayed, eviscerated, paralyzed), but he is resilient enough to keep trusting. He wants everyone to live a beautiful life on the island. (He gets betrayed and killed for his efforts. More on that later.)

People being people, though, they continue to fuck up their new chances at life. They steal, murder, and betray. They break promises. That's one constant in Lost: whenever anyone takes a moral stand, they inevitably change their mind. When two sides are formed in opposition, the boundaries are always permeable, and people go back and forth. The characters are weirdly realistic that way, and they resist becoming metaphors; they're slippery.

Even the Others, promised to protect the magic and sanctity of the island, fuck up. Benjamin Linus, the man in charge (and son of a bad dad, and bad dad in his own right) is a weird hybrid of islander (believer in the power of the island) and outsider (wanting to harness the island). Even with everyone changing their minds constantly, he manages to switch sides the most. And the victim of this is John Locke, who decided to trust Ben just like he tried to trust everyone else.

John Locke was the person who most embodied the possibilities of Robinsonade, who had a new chance at life and wanted to give that gift to everyone else. But Benjamin Linus was too tainted by scarcity: if someone else got what the island promised, that meant he couldn't have it. He split the force that was so huge as to be unsplittable.

So when everyone's ruining the possibilities of a Robinsinade, insisting on returning to their own lives or bringing the worst parts of the world to the island, the island gives them another chance. It sends people back in time. It gives them more understanding of its possible powers. It shows them life back home so that they'll be ready to try the island again.

And then Lost shows us its foundation. It shows us Jacob and his unnamed brother, indoctrinated by a murdering woman who is as unwilling to share the island's power as Ben is. The unnamed brother seems clever, and he seems ready to learn how to share the island's power to free people from scarcity and tradition. And the murdering mother seems to see him as an end to her own trauma. But Jacob, who lacks creativity, gets jealous and throws the nameless brother into the negatively charged exotic matter (which we never see; we only see light).

Lostopedia says the brother becomes the smoke monster, an evil force that longs to escape the island, which Jacob insists will bring evil to the world. But it seems more like Jacob released the smoke monster or created it by committing an evil act, insisting that the island's power can't be shared, and using it to limit life instead of freeing it. The nameless brother dies. The smoke monster persists. This smoke monster goes on to influence Ben, who feels the same way about the island's power.

People are so fucked up, right?

And eventually, aggressively confident Jack becomes the new Jacob. He inherits the traditions that Jacob hands down and tries to do the same things Jacob does. But in the end, perhaps influenced by all the chances he's had at remaking his life alongside influences from John Locke and his other fellow castaways, he sacrifices himself to save the island, and he names Hurley as his successor.

At this point, Hurley is the only non-white member of the main cast who hasn't died. He's similar to John Locke in that he's trusting of people and sees the good in them, but he also had his life literally destroyed by wealth and fame. And now he's in charge of the island's power.

(Jack had to sacrifice himself because the island's power/light was uncorked by Desmond, who thought he would be "sent somewhere else" by doing so. Desmond, you shouldn't be somewhere else! You should be on the island building a new life! You abused the island's power. But like everyone else, you get another chance.)

The final season, instead of flashing back like most of the show, flashed "sideways." At first, it seemed like a parallel universe where everyone's life was different, less traumatic, from the start. In the finale, this is revealed to be a kind of purgatory where everyone went after they died. Another chance to get it right. Things are better than the main plot of the show, but things are still bad! But they get to find each other here without the trauma of crashing on an island, without going to war with the Others, and in doing so, they gain the benefit of those situations without causing those problems. And when they find each other, they get to move on into more yellow light. Maybe to a more permanent resting place, but probably to another iteration, where they try again with a bit more experience, a bit more help, and a lot less taint of capitalism and bad dads.

Some other random thoughts: we get to see Hurley in charge of the island in the epilogue, and he's not following the same rules. He isn't out preaching the power of the island, but people are a bit more free to come and go. Folks can get acclimated to the possibility of freedom, little vaccine boosters of freedom and magic against the ongoing diseases of society.

And what about the unsolved mysteries? The numbers?! I don't know. If we believe a series of numbers is important, we make note of them everywhere. We assign meaning to their repetition. But there are only ten numbers. Of course we see them everywhere. And each time we see them, we bring new meaning to them. Another chance to see ourselves. Another chance to get it right.

Or at least that's the meaning I brought to the show in 2023, when freedom from capitalism and bad dads feels both impossible and closer than it ever was.

[yourmomni]

Crush-6

A/n: planning on only 10 chapters so in the future the chapters might be a little longer so I can put everything in it. Also I might to little like bonus shorts cus why not ok enjoy and @jaehyunsblkgf was the best supporter on this story and I couldn't have continued doing this with out them literally best person ever

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: language, Arguing scene, suggestive content ( nun too crazy tho), mommy issues

After me and jeno had dinner he invited us to go on a walk so we could catch up on everything that was going on in our lives. " It feels like we haven't talked in years." I laughed looking up at the stars walking beside him. " aw did someone miss me." I pushed his shoulder. He just smiled shrugging. " I don't know did you miss me."

For as far as I could remember Jeno was always by my side. From the start of middle school to our college years. He was my best friend.

" of course I missed you." He grabbed my hand leading me to a bench to sit down. " I'm sorry that we haven't had time to hang out I've just been so busy lately with-" " Jake." I looked at him raising my eyebrows thinking if this was the right time to bring up the incident that happened today. " I just want the best for you." He started looking at me. " thanks jeno I appreciate that. I feel like I haven't been able to talk to anyone." He turned towards me on the bench crossing his legs. "Well you have me and I'm always ready to listen."

I smiled turning towards him."Okay well, I haven't talked to my sister in weeks. Ever since the party and we got into that huge argument. I miss her." I rubbed my hands over my knee. "Have you tried talking to her?" I shook my head. " after what she said I don't think I could face her."

"Have you tried understanding everything she said?" I looked at him raising an eyebrow. " what's there to understand she wants to control My life? I didn't even wanna come to this stupid school in the beginning I was valedictorian in high school, a full-ride scholarship to Harvard do you know how hard I worked to get that."

He nodded. "Yep, we had the best study dates." Grabbing my hand in his and rubbing the back. " She just doesn't get it. I'm not here because of her, I'm here because I wanted a change. I was tired of living my life so perfectly. I wanted to do the unexpected for once. I wanted to live on the edge." Jeno smiled grabbing my chin and lifting me to face him

"Then do it. Who cares what Amilla has to say? It's your life, not hers. If you want to dye your hair then do it. If you want to join the craziest club on campus what's stopping you from doing that? This is your life, not hers."

The air around me turned cold and windy as I looked into his eyes. They were sincere and kind. Like they always were. " Jeno." He hummed. " thank you for listening to me rant and for the advice." He grinned "You know you can always come to me for anything. I'll always have time for you." I smiled up at him uncrossing my legs from the bench and standing up and he followed opening his arms. I embraced in a warm hug that lasted for a long time

" you always gave the best hugs." I nuzzle my head into his warm chest. I felt his chest vibrate from his laugh.

"I love you." Jeno sighed into my hair I looked up at him smiling. " I love you too now come on it's getting cold out here and I have to study." He nodded letting me go and we began walking again

What she didn't see was his face fall when she didn't understand that he meant more than just friends.

When I finally made it home I plopped on my bed kicked my shoes off and crawled to my pillows. My phone began to r8ng and I groaned cursing whoever was ringing my phone when I was finally relaxed bit I immediately shot up when I saw the contacts

" Mom Hi." I heard shuffling in the background and people talking. " y/n my love how are you we haven't talked in weeks." My heart was thumping out of my chest. " oh I'm sorry Mother I was busy you know how college is. " " Yes but that doesn't mean….. no I want the tulips on the stage not on the floor and where is my ice sculpture I said I wanted that in the center of the room 10 minutes ago." She scoffed.

" Sorry honey, what were we talking about…oh yes you not calling me and making up excuses." I rolled my eyes. " your sister tells me you have a new friend." My eyes widened. Of Course, she told our mom about Jake. " yes Mom I do." She hummed. " is jeno no longer around I thought you two were together." "Mom me and Jeno are just friends nothing more." She scoffed. "What a shame he's such a sweetheart I prefer him over anyone. He has such a good family background." I rolled my eyes again

And she wonders why I never call. A loud crash was in the background and screaming was followed." THAT BETTER NOT BE MY GOLD RIMMED PLATES…. Honey I have to call you back tomorrow your father sends his regards." She hug up before I could get any words out " I love you too." I tossed my phone on the pillow. If Mom knows about Jake that means Dad knows about Jake. I groaned flopping back on my pillow. "God why."

My mother was a very famous wedding planner the best in our state. She even had celebrity clients and people from all over the world coming to her for her services. She was number 11 in Forbes's most successful women and number 7 for Women of the Year.

Your dad was a little calmer, you would like to say. He was a defense attorney with his own practice building. Sure you loved your mom but your dad was your favorite person. You always spends your time at his job studying in his office as he went over cases you always got ice cream right after. Or whenever he would take you on late-night rides to the beach after test days and just sit looking at the star.

The last thing you wanted to do is disappoint him and you feel like you did when you chose not to go to Harvard. You haven't talked to him since the day you left for Korea.

Today was not your day, and you were ready for sleep to take you, so it could already be the next morning. You took a quick shower put on your pajamas that was an oversized shirt with shorts and jump in your bed immediately dozing off

You woke up to a knock on your door and someone calling your name. You groaned grabbing your phone and looking at the time 8 am.

You got up shuffling to the door. " one minute." I rubbed my eyes, reminding myself to ask Jake about my glasses next time I see him. I opened my door and speaking of Jake there he was wide smiling holding a coffee cup and a bag with the local doughnut shop's name on it

" good morning sleepy head." I yawned. " Jake what are you doing here it's 8 o'clock in the morning." I let him in and he kicked his shoes off heading to my kitchen. " I just wanted to come by before my class and drop you off some breakfast and I also wanted to check up on you since you never texted me back last night." My eyes widen I rushed to my room grabbed my phone and saw 10 missed messages from Jake. " oh I'm so sorry I got home late and I fell asleep immediately I should have called you." He shrugged taking the food out of the bag.

" It's okay I'm just happy to see you." He smiled pulling me by my waist and pecking my lips. I giggled feeling my cheeks go hot. " So you were serious about the girlfriend thing." He smiled down at me, his fingers rubbing circles on my waist. " very serious." He spoke softly staring at my lips and then back up at me

"okay." I stuttered. He smirked, kissing my cheek then returned to unpacking the pastries from the bag. " I remember you saying you love bread so I bought a lot of different kinds for you to try." I gasped looking at the different danishes and pastries he laid out for me. I hopped on the counter beside him reaching for a circular-shaped bread with cream cheese in the middle. Taking a bite. I groaned when chewing "This is delicious." I kicked my feet in happiness

" Here baby try this." He picked up a chocolate-covered croissant and I opened my mouth, biting down on the sweet pastry. He smiled and my expression. He ran his finger over my bottom lip, cleaning the chocolate off of it. He locked eyes with me, popping a finger in his mouth.

" Jake." He went in between my legs resting one hand on my thigh and the other on my waist.

" yes, baby." He was getting closer to me " I'm s-sorry about yesterday on canceling dinner." He smirked, pulling me towards him In a swift motion. Our noses grazed each other "It's okay you can make it up to me right." Without thinking I nodded " yes."

He smiled leaning inches away from my lips then a knock was heard at the door. " Jake hyung hurry, I'm going to be late for class," Sunoo whined on the other side of the door. Jake groaned. " Seriously again " I laughed. He huffed pulling away from me. I hopped off the counter

Jake scoffed and mumbled under his breath "They're ruining my life" I opened the door smiling, happy to see Sunoo. " good morning my favorite player-" Jake yelled protesting in the back." Would you like some breakfast Jake brought some pastries over." Jake ran to the door blocking Sunoo from coming in. " no he wouldn't right Sunoo."

From the way Sunoo glared at Jake you could tell there was something behind his statement. " actually-" Sunoo pushed Jake back out of his way. " I would love some pastries " you clapped excitedly as Jake flared watching Sunoo enter my kitchen and I shrugged his immaturity off.

I waved at Sunoo as he walked back to Jake's car. " You know they love you right." I looked at him. " Who?" He motioned towards his car. " the boys actually like you, well sung hoon could be a little intimidating at times but he'll come around eventually."

While Jake was talking my brain traveled to somewhere else. Did Jake bring breakfast for Tejiri? Did he show up at her house earlier in the morning so he could see her? " babe are you listening." I looked at him nodding

" Yeah um, I think you should go. I think Sunoo is going to beep the horn any minute."

The sun was finally coming, showing an orange hue in the sky. It wasn't as windy as it was yesterday but you could tell it was coming.

" I ran into your ex yesterday." I sucked my bottom lip cursing myself for the bluntness.

Jake huffed. " Which one?" I glared at him and he chuckled. " I'm kidding, I know you meant Soojin." You raised your eyebrow." Who the heck is Soojin." Jake frowned in confusion. " Then I've only dated like 2 girls in college not counting you." I stared back up at the sky. " Tejiri." From the corner of your eye, you could see Jake freeze. " Tejiri?" He repeated. " She's pretty." Jake groaned, lifting his hand to his forehead. " shit…did she say something to you? If she did it's not true I promise I would never do anything to hurt you." I sighed " It's okay she just introduced herself and left nothing more." I lied

Jake glanced at My eyes trying to see if I was telling the truth. "Baby I know her. And if she saw you yesterday she did more than introduce herself." I looked away from him and back at the sky, not saying anything. Jake walked behind me wrapping his arms around my waist and sitting his chin on my shoulder. " I've enjoyed every moment I spent with you these last couple of weeks. You make me happy, happier than I've ever been and I would change anything about it, i-i've enjoyed you."

I looked at his smiling face, smiling back at him. kissing his lips gently. " I know." I heard a loud honk and Sunoo was waving his hands from the car. I laughed, "Now it's time for you to go." He unwrapped himself from my waist, humming a yeah. He grabbed my chin placing one last kiss on my lips. " I'll see you later, right? No rain checks." I nodded. " I'm all yours." He smiled running down the stairs. I leaned on the railing looking down at the parking lot. He hopped in his car and drove away

I stretched and walked back into my apartment closing and locking the door plopping on my couch with one of the pastries turning on my t.v.

NIKI🤞🏽🫶🏽🩵: Hey sorry I didn't call last night me and Jungwon were trying to figure some things out. Can I come over

I immediately replied yes and put some coffee on for her and boiled some water for tea for me. 10 minutes later she walked through the door still with her bonnet on throwing herself on my couch

" I need a drink." I snickered. " Honey, it's 7 a.m. The best I can do for you is coffee." She groaned, sitting up and holding her hands out to receive the mug.

"What's going on." She sat crisscrossed on my couch staring into her mug with a sad expression. "Jungwon’s ex is trying to ruin my life, that's what's going on." I sat beside her and she turned towards me. " The bitch is crazy and I don't mean just blowing up phones, I mean blowing up cars and breaking windows." I cringed." Damn." She nodded "Yeah damn is right. She sipped the coffee "So all night I and Won were trying to figure everything out. Then we ended up having a small argument that ended with him storming out of our apartment " My eyes widened as I rested My hand on her leg." I'm so sorry, maybe you guys just need some space." Niki nodded. " Yeah maybe he rarely gets like this and if he does leave he usually comes an hour later but he's been gone ever since 11 last night. I tried calling but he just declines my calls. She began playing with her nails. " would you mind if I stayed here.. just for today." I smiled at her. " Niki, you can stay as long as you want to."

She smiled at me as a tear dropped down her cheek and she quickly swatted it away. " Thank you, I appreciate it."

I pulled her in for a hug and she gladly accepted it. I felt her body relax on me deflating a little. " anytime."

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Jungwons leg was bouncing as he sat at tables inside a coffee shop gripping his Matcha in his hand. The drink was supposed to calm him down but instead, he felt like it was adding more fuel to his fire. The memories of that night played back through his head; his voice yelling at Niki as she talked so calmly to him. Probably because she knew and felt how frustrated he was but he still should have never raised his voice at her. The love of his life. She was probably worried sick about him and here he was declining her calls sitting at a coffee shop waiting for the person who caused all of this to show up.

Her tear-streaked face kept flashing in his head and Jungwon tightly closed his eyes trying to forget about it. Trying to forget how he caused that face. If he could take back everything he said to her yesterday he would. He knew Niki already forgave him but he couldn’t forgive himself.

"You don't think I'm trying my fucking hardest to make this go away I've been trying for years." Niki bit the inside of her cheek. "Baby I know you are but she's not giving up and her tactics gave gotten very extreme, maybe we should report her." Jungwon shrugged her hands off his shoulder. "Report her? Are you stupid?" Niki looked taken aback. " excuse you what did you just call me? Boy, you must have bumped your head and forgot who you were talking to." Jungwon had a broken smirk on his face poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue crossing his arms. " now I understand you were scared to report her but-." Next thing she knew a vase was being thrown to the floor.

"SCARED YOU THINK I'M JUST SCARED. SHE RUINED MY LIFE NIKI SHE RUINED EVERYTHING.'' Now he had tears running down his cheeks. " ever since I broke up with her she's made my life hell, she got my scholarship taken away from me and I had to work my ass off to get it back, she went to my mom's job and scared off all her customers so she wouldn't be able to make money, she even made sure I wouldn't get accepted into any of dream colleges it's a damn miracle I got into here." Niki gulped, stepping back away from Jungwon. "Reporting her isn't going to make her go away." He was heaving the anger pooling around him like smoke. He looked at her face, the tears spilling out her eyes and she was clutching the countertop. He scared her. But he would never hurt her. She knew that. Right. He looked at the shattered vase glass everywhere.

"I need to get out of here." He grabbed his keys, opened the door and ran out. " Jungwon, wait." She slipped her shoes on going out the door to follow him but by the time she made it down the stairs, he was gone.

Jungwon sipped his drink staring at the condensation on the cup. He had to fix this. And he had to do it now. "You're early." His head shoots up at the voice. A girl sat down in front of him, sitting down with her handbag on the table, her golden bracelets dangling from her wrist and her nails clicking on the table.

" Hello, wonnie." Jungwon jaw clenched

Looking at the girl in front of him. " Oh don't look so upset, how long has it been 3 years?" He scoffed. " It feels like I see you every day." She smiled "Aw, I missed you." Jungwon didn't know what he was getting himself into when he replied to Xoe's text.

"What do you want?" She shrugged, flipping her long black hair behind her shoulders. " I just wanted to see you, that's all." He sighed. " Xoe I want you to stop texting me, stop following me please." Her face dropped, Jungwon was wondering how long it would take her to drop the facade she had on. " Wonnie you're making me upset." " Xoe I have a girlfriend we've been dating for 3 years. I love her and only her." She rolled her eyes. " But Wonnie, what about me and you?" Jungwon slammed his hand on the table. "there is no me and you, there hasn't been a me and you since high school." The cafe went silent at Jungwon’s sudden outburst. " Why can't you move on? I've moved on." She stared at him a small smirk on her face

" Fine." She gathered her purse and stood up. Jungwon followed her. " What do you mean fine." She huffed turning around. " If you don't want to be with me then okay I'll see you around." She put on her designer sunglasses and walked out of the cafe. Jungwon stood there in complete shock. What the heck just happened.

[thx-sunsxts-addrxss]

ok i’ll ask. it you need to answer all of them

0: Height

1: Virgin?

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What your last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

I need to know who asked me this. WHY WOULD YOU-

okay fine.

0: 5’2 (no don’t make fun of me, looking at you @aylin-hijabi)

1: I’m 14. Yes I’m a virgin.

2: I think it’s a 6? Idk

3: no I’m 14

4: no I’m 14, again.

5: no.

6: answered! it’s under the tag #loife answers

7: no

8: answered!

9: yep! just one pair of piercings tho

10: answered!

11: my bestest friend in the world is from third grade! she’s in us and I’m in India but the fact we haven’t broken apart-

we only had third and fourth together but we’re still best friends and I love her sm

12: single, but I hope that gets changed by one specific dude

13: uhhhhh pass bc idk I’m just a innocent teenager (kay maybe not that innocent)

14: pass again

15: answered!

16: answered (by accident)

17: answered again

18: pass

19: I despise loud noises so much

20: answered

21: I like that I can speak to a public audience well. It’s really improved from last year, and my friend said it sounds like I know what I’m talking about. And it’s funny she gave the example of this one time I talked really good about a topic (I only had 2 mins to think about it) and I didn’t know what I was talking about honestly. So yeah, that’s great ig.

22: answered

23: it’s amazing actually. I think it’s because we’re seven years apart, so there’s nothing really to fight over, just some things to talk about.

24: answered

25: answered

26: when people make a mess and don’t clean it up properly. Like just sweeping it to the side.

27: answered

28: answered

29: answered

30: that they think they’re encouraging us but they put us down a lot. Like, “ I thought you were better than this” they think it encourages us to better, but it makes us feel ashamed. Mental health, down the drain. Especially to teenagers.

31: it literally says. ‘lmfao. what the fuck’ (it’s from lemon dude guys)

32: the word ‘useless’ nothings useless, you’re just not using it properly. No one’s useless, they have their things they’re good at that you’re neglecting

33: answered

34: I’m not interested in women (I don’t think-) but probably confidence and extrovertism.

35: how thoughtful and attentive they are

36: around North Carolina, New Jersey or Georgia

37: answered

38: I wanted to be a teacher lmao

39: chocolate. Yeah, I’m basic

40: answered

41: answered (I’m pretty sure)

42: chocolate :D

43: uhhh. pass. I don’t find lemon dude sexy, I don’t think lmao

44: FINALLY THE LAST ONE! I THINK IVE ANSWERED THIS :D

all my answered questions are under the tag #loife answers !

anyways. time for me to kill the person who asked this /j

[coccyodynia]

things:

i went home the other weekend and didn’t steal any pills, as much as i thought about it, so thats kind of cool i guess

i got a very fun and cool tattoo yesterday, its a woman swinging an axe with that line i wrote a few years ago - “i swing and i dont miss”

i am seeing a The Plot In You tonight with justin

we’re planning on hanging out before the show too but the weather is gonna be shitty so who knows, he’ll probably flake out at this point

we’re also planning on going to chicago in a month but im concerned i wont be able to afford it idk. i just stashed away $250 for it but i wouldn’t be surprised if i had to dip into that before then

we’re on okay terms right now. its been a huge rollercoaster as usual but he still wants to keep me around in some type of way i guess bc he’ll respond or say shit like ‘i’m always here for you’

ive been dissociating a lot still but im practicing the skills to get a handle on it

ive officially stopped caring about anything at my job, i just dont give a fuck at all anymore

if i start caring again it will probably kill me, at least considering the rate we were going before 

i had a friend OD twice in the last week or so and im literally just bracing myself to lose another person to fent

its been almost a year without michael now and im still really heartbroken about

i can tell ive started letting my apartment/kitchen get bad again and it’s upsetting me but i feel paralyzed about it

one of my best friends is having a really tough time too and we keep messaging each other little check-ins even though neither of us have the capacity to really support or help the other person in any meaningful way

ive just been way too tapped out lately, and it has been affecting my health for quite awhile

my weight seems to be stable now or at least kinda, i lost 50 lbs and last week for the first time in awhile it didn’t go down when i got on the scale

my parents and grandma all made comments about how they can tell ive lost a lot of weight since i saw them last (6 weeks or so ago?)

my mom has been telling me “youre not eating enough calories” which i think gave me whiplash considering up until now my entire life shes been insistent that i eat too much

my financial situation is really about to get fucked up since im not teaching this summer, so i will lose that income for a few months ($800/month)

im pretty nervous they wont ask me back to teach in the fall bc the head of the department doesnt really like me

i got great evaluations from my students tho! at the end of the semester, two of my students asked if i would be comfortable with giving them a hug and i got emotional

i helped one of my students get into their first gallery show in NY and im just so fucking proud and excited for them

another student had made me a little embroidered camera patch for my bag 

im still very much thinking about applying to graduate/phd programs in the fall

there’s about 5 programs im interested in, but none of them are local so i’d have to move pretty far if i were accepted

im going to re-apply to university of denver for the MA emergent digital practices program

i applied to there in 2021 and was accepted but i wasn’t offered enough financial aid since i applied after the priority deadline so i’ll try it this fall and see what happens

im still dreaming about going to Brown for their digital writing/cross-disciplinary writing and art MFA but it's such a pipe dream

i also found a fascinating phd program at duke but they're not accepting applications this year?

i want to write and photograph more but by the end of the day i am so incredibly burnt out that it seems more like a chore than an outlet

i really wish there was a way for me to just quit my job and take some time off before going into another job

anyway therapy is back to once a week and sometimes 2x a week just depending on how well i handle things

my mom is still being the worst person ive ever met and im really trying to disconnect from her/the family as much as i can

she just spent $500 on a plane ticket so she can go spend a week with the guy she was engaged to in college

she sucks so much and i hate her 

anyway that’s all

[redwineconversation]

On January 6

I know people lurk on this blog for the Lyon content but whatever. Content variety is important.

I went to college in DC, so it's always been a special place to me. I grew up in an international political environment, but it was still political, so politics is an area I feel comfortable around. DC suited me. I miss it deeply.

Some of my closest friends still in DC.

And so even if I was in Los Angeles on January 6, 2021, the riot that day still leaves me a little shaken. I remember watching it and thinking shit. My friends are going to get killed.

One of my best friends from college works for NBC. I remember being terrified I was going to watch her get killed because she was a member of the press. Another close friend of mine works in the House of Representatives. I felt nauseous at the possibility that they could get publicly executed because they were in the building.

It's such a weird feeling, watching an event and thinking people you know and are close to are very likely going to get killed. I still feel nauseous thinking about it. There was this fear, this dread. I will always remember how that felt.

One of my best friends from college is a Republican. I sometimes find it very, very difficult to maintain our friendship because we have such wildly different views on certain things. I remember being so angry at her on January 6. "You did this," I texted her. "This is on you, you did this." She hadn't, not really, except that she had voted for Trump. I thought, and still think, that by doing that, she had a degree of responsibility for his actions. You voted for him. You're endorsing this behavior.

We got into a similar argument for the November 2022 elections. Again the anger and frustration I felt towards her political views resurfaced. I find it hard to correlate the two: how can someone who is bright literally be like "well both Biden and Trump have done bad things", as though any of Biden's actions come close to overthrowing the government because they lost an election.

The Jan 6 riots will always be personal for me, even if I wasn't there. They were attacking "my" city. They put my friends' lives at risk, but for what? For what? For some deranged narcissist who had no business being in the office in the first place. There are no words to express how much I genuinely loathe Trump and all the damage he has done. It makes me so, so angry.

It makes me angry because the damage this maniac has done affects others and so many don't seem to care. They don't care because they are rich, and white, and have privilege that others don't and that somehow makes things okay. It doesn't affect them. And that should be the point. It doesn't affect them and that's the problem. That's why they should care. Because it affects others.

I think January 6 revealed peoples' true colors. There are those who were shocked and horrified about what happened. And then there are the others, who said "what about Antifa, what about BLM, what about [whatever]." And that genuinely makes my skin crawl.

My friends were almost killed two years ago today because of the cult following of a deranged maniac. I will not accept that as something that can be both-sided.

[ampleax]

6/30/23 - I don’t think I’m meant to live past 30

Hello. I should’ve made a life update first but I can’t get this thought out of my mind. I can’t view myself as anything other than 18. Growing up is inevitable, changing is inevitable but I can’t see myself growing older and settling down. I will always see myself as that girl running around with my friends, that girl who would do anything just to get a glimpse of her crush, the girl who’d use research as an excuse to play Paladins. 

I guess I’ll just catch you up on my life for the past few months. I’m not gonna tell you about the other stuff because they’re irrelevant but FG’s doing well (surprisingly). After J and I found out about the whole K situation, they made it easier for me to actually come back to calls and hanging out with them isn’t as bad anymore. I’m still friends with S and the others but honestly, I’m only going for S.

Actually, I thought S and I were drifting apart. I felt like she was living her best life and she didn’t need me by her side and I understand, I’ve always heard people say that high school friendships don’t last. But one night, I was listening to dorothea and I got really really emotional. I couldn’t stop myself from messaging her while sobbing and with snot all over my face, I told her I missed her. I just want to cry in her arms, she’s my twin flame and distance won’t break the bond that we have. S, we’ve changed so much in the past year but our friendship will always remain the same. Now that I think about it, you weren’t able to return my hugs back in Grade 10 because you’ve always struggled with showing affection (We were literally the golden retriever friend and black cat friend in the group) and the last time we hung out, you actually hooked your arms around mine! Tried my best not to get emotional because we were in public and even though I know you might never see this, please know how much I love you. 

I think I should explain the main part now, and I don’t know what acronym to give this guy because someone’s already A! But I’ll put him first so okay, I met A back in Cosplay Carnival. We already met back in Cosplay Matsuri 2022, I was cosplaying as Ann and I forgot who he was cosplaying as but he took a picture with me and my friends! Okay so I took a little break from typing and now I forgot what I wanted to say.

He was really cute and polite that day! I don’t know, I just liked how he nodded everytime he saw me. I honestly can’t type without looking like an idiot because I’m smiling to myself so I’ll get to the point. I’m with someone now and they make me feel happy.

But honestly, I can’t help but think that he’ll get tired of me soon enough.

I

I don’t really feel like writing anymore. I’ll come back next time.

[its-mellohi]

anyways who's gonna slap some sense into me before i text my ex best friend who cut me off because i came out to her.

[f10werfae]

Marvel VS DC

Pairing: Husband!Henry Cavill x MCU Actress!Reader

summary: Fans retell the best moments of what they see from Y/n and Henry’s relationship

Warnings: implications of smut?nothing but fluff really

- Requests are open!

Likes, Comments and Re-blogs are appreciated♥️

Welcome To The Fae Station: Full Masterlist💫

Library of Henry Cavill: Full Henry Masterlist

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

@/legend47fr: Did anyone see Henry and Y/n's instagram stories😭😭 They had a superhero themed gender reveal, all the DC men represented boys and the Marvel women represented girls. Too cute.

@/7littlebunnies: I heard from a secret source that Henry purposely visited Y/n at set nearly everyday just to see her in her suit☠️ mans had the hots for her even in costume

-

@/letmeliveplease: I don’t care what anyone says, I want Henry and Y/n to adopt me. Henry literally spends his days doting on her while she sits and bakes him treats🥹 I need to be there

-

@/marvelsuperstar: Just saw Henry Cavill taking Y/n stationary shopping, anyone know why?

↳ @/lozardeggs: In an interview Y/n said she wanted to go back to school to get her PHD in History, THIS MAN IS JUST SO FREAKIN SUPPORTIVE OF HER

-

@/nowyouseeme3: I love how at every one of Henry's premieres, Y/n has made it her duty to cosplay as a DC character despite her contract with marvel. She slays it everytime. ↳ @/blowuphorse: don’t forget that Henry said it leads to him having a “cardio” workout every time😭

-

@/Y/nhasmyheart: Never letting anyone forget about the time Henry and Y/n were on the beach and the paps got a pic of Henry touching up on Y/n's body. ↳ @/rainbowsandflowers: Okay but can we blame him? the girl’s a goddess on Earth

-

@/iamnotgroot: Henry and Y/n's son is so cute🥰 According to Y/n he copies Henry alla time, such as when asking for a kiss, but because he has a lisp it comes out adorably

↳ @/leonotaquarius: forget that. Imagine the Henry Cavill asking you for kisses even though you’re married

-

@/girlwiththeredhairr: ALERT JUST SAW HENRY SPOON FEEDING Y/N FROZEM YOGHURT AT THE MALL! MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS, HE WIPED THE CORNER OF HER LIPS WITH NAPKINS AND EVERYTHING! I hate it here

-

@/Evanstan: in the background of Chris Evans' party vid, why is my focus on the Cavill couple making out in the background

↳ @/buckszer: Y/n said so herself that Henry has the drive of an 18 year old hornball, IF THAT GIVES YOU ANY ANSWERS

↳@/Evanstan: yeah no wonder they have like 4 kids already and they’ve been together like 6 years 😭

-

@/Hartystsyles: Let’s just remember that 10 years ago in an interview, Y/n said her major celeb crush was Henry, WHAT MANIFESTING METHODS DOES MISS GIRL USE?!

↳ @/lemonsmoothie: No clue honey, but I jus remember her havin no hope because they have an 8 year age gap AND SHE WAS 22 AT THE TIME, she works her magic for real

↳ @/theojameslove: Just know that on their first date, Henry said he knew he was gonna marry her and went to go buy a ring

-

@/33overloax: My brother works at a bar, and apparently he saw Henry there for a bachelor party. This man’s wearing a tshirt with Y/n's face on it and it said “IM HAPPILY MARRIED THANK YOU”

↳ @/officialY/nCavill: You best believe I did that, have you seen my man😭 I ain’t taking any chances

↳ @/happychrismas: OMG SHE ACTUALLY REPLIED TO YOU, THE QUEEN HERSELF

-

@/francaiswho: During filming Henry can’t wear his wedding ring during scenes, so he got it tattooed onto his ring finger just to prove his devotion 🥲

-

@/fleabagmonkeyface: Saw The Cavill couple and their baby at the zoo, the baby had a Marvel tshirt but a DC hat☠️ I overheard a few of their convos with their baby and I near started sobbing because of how cute it was. They call him bambi 😭

-

@/onyourleft: Kill me. A friend of mine saw Y/n modelling clothes for Henry once she got our of the changing rooms, and he would whistle and cheer for her every time she twirled

-

@/brownbobstyle: Remember when Y/n was mobbed by crazy fans and Henry near started a fist fight for her, THEN WENT ON ALL HIS SOCIALS TO CALL OUT BY NAME ALL THE PAPARAZZI THAT DID NOTHING TO HELP. Love that man

-

@/fishiesfornemo: Bringing us back to that time of twitter when Y/n was pregnant and posted about how she made Henry sleep on the couch because he said she was overreacting. Next morning she woke up to a whole buffet for breakfast as an apology😭 Henry then posted that he never said that and it was just smthn that happened in one of Y/n'a dreams

-

@/HenryCavill: Can someone tell me how do I get my sleeping wife with a grip like a gorilla, off me in the morning. it’s been three hours. i’m hungry

↳ @officialY/nCavill: Fine then, no cuddles for you. Ever.

↳ @/HenryCavill: Now hold on there honey, I never said that. You know I love your cuddles♥️

↳ @/Cavillfan1: LOOOL HENRY GOT TOLD 😭😭

[roosterscockpit]

His Little Girl | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader P. 3

Click here to see the master list

Get ready for the best party of your lives bestiess. Thank you all for your support, as always I greatly appreciate when you like, reblog and comment. So don't feel bad to blow me up! I love you all! Happy reading 😉

A/n: Now we are into the present story! This is just the beginning 😉 Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, but still a whole lot of love (please let me know if there is any that I missed)

Please don't take my work, I will find you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You arrived home and opened the door to see your daughter getting help from her auntie Bri with her costume. 

Leia: “Momma! Look! I’m Princess Leia!” She did a twirl. “Auntie Bri just has to put my hair in the little buns!”

Y/n: “You are the cutest thing in the world, Lei.” You said smiling and running towards your daughter. You picked her up and gave her a bunch of kisses. 

Bri: “Okay Lei, come here so I can finish your hair!” She put her hand out for Leia. 

You put Leia down and she went to grab Bri’s hand. You walked over to where they were situated. “How was work, Momma?” You gave her another kiss on her head, “It was good, my lovey.” You looked at Bri and she smiled and shook her head. 

Leia sat down at the counter eating some fruit while Bri did her hair. Leia was kicking her feet in excitement and humming the Star Wars theme song . She was so excited for her party. She’s been waiting to finally have one after she found out she had the same name as Princess Leia. You walked over and sat next to Bri as she did her hair. 

Bri: “Is everything ready for tonight?” She said in nearly a whisper and looked at you raising an eyebrow.

Y/n: “Yes it was perfect. Penny literally did everything before I got there. It was the cutest thing ever.” You sighed in relief. 

Bri: “That’s so nice of her!” She said in shock. 

Y/n: “I know, she was so excited when I got there and she had shown me what she had already set up.” You threw your arms over Bri’s shoulder hugging her. “Thank you so much for keeping her occupied and watching her while I went to go and get that finished.” You relaxed into her back.

She put one hand on your hands and leaned back onto your head gently. “It was no problem girl, I love spending time with Leia when I can.” She smiled and then continued with Leia’s hair. 

You lifted your head from Bri’s back. “Well, I should probably go and get ready for the party.” You got up.

Leia: “Hurry up, Momma. You always take foreeevvveerrr!” 

You went up to her and took a couple of her fruit. She grimaced at you and snatched her bowl of fruit to keep near her. She pointed to the stairs gesturing you to get away from her fruit. You stuck your tongue out at her and then plopped the cherries into your mouth. 

You went up stairs and got ready for the party. You were dressed as Padmé, it just made sense and felt right. You wore Padmé’s arena battle outfit, but the one after she was clawed by a Nexu. It was a little revealing but still appropriate for your daughters birthday. You looked in the mirror after you finished your hair and makeup. You smiled. “I look good.”

Bri: “You sure do sis!” She startled you as you stared at yourself.

Y/n: “Jeez, Knock next time.” You turned around and shook your head.

Bri laughed and continued into the bathroom. “Sooo..”  She put the toilet cover down and sat on it. 

Y/n: “what?” You looked at her because you knew that tone in her voice all too well. “What did you do this time?”

Bri smiled big at you. “Well you know how my boyfriend, Billy, is coming to the party? Right?” She batted her eyes at you.

Y/n: “Just tell me what you did.” You said while looking at her blankly.

Bri: “He’s going to bring one of his friends for you!” She smiled at you wiggling her eyebrows.

You sighed. “To my daughter, my 6 year old daughter’s birthday party?” You looked at her unamused.

Bri: “YES! You need to put yourself back out there girl! You deserve to have a man that takes care of you the way you care for Lei!” She grabbed your hand. “Girl please, he’s really cute! You’ll like him. Lei will too!”

You took a deep breath. She was right. The last person you had been with, even if it wasn’t a real relationship, was Bradley. Even though you had Bri and Leia, you did miss the feeling of having a partner. So you rolled your eyes and smiled. “Fine.”

Bri squealed and jumped while hugging you. “THANK GOD GIRL! I already told him you’d love to meet him!”

You put your hand out to move her back. “What… What if I said no?” You cocked your head.

She squeezed you again. “Too bad! See you down stairs hot mama!”she winked at you.

Bri left the bathroom to go finish putting on her Ahsoka costume. You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled. Getting excited to put yourself out there. You also felt really nervous. You made sure your hair was nice and you put on extra perfume to keep you fresh. You took a deep breath and just looked at yourself. 

Leia: “Momma.” She tapped you on the back. “You look so beautiful.” She smiled.

You picked up your daughter and and looked at the both of you in the mirror. “Thank you my little Lei.” And you hugged her tight and gave her a kiss. 

It was time to head back over to the Hard Deck. You loaded Leia into her booster seat in the back of your Jeep while Bri secretly brought in all the gifts to put into the trunk of the car. After, you both got into the car and headed to the Hard Deck. When you arrived you unloaded Leia from her seat and brought her into the bar to be with Penny. It was right before the night rush so the bar was empty. 

When you got into the bar Penny lit up and ran to you. “Oh my gosh! Is this her? Little princess Leia?” She said while bending down to hug her.

Leia: “Hi! I’m Leia!” She said and gave Penny a big hug.

Penny pulled back and placed her hands on Leia’s shoulders. She was just looking at her and examining all her features. “Y/n, I don’t know what you are talking about. I think she looks just like you!” She put her hand on Leia’s cheek, “You look just like your mommy! I think the only difference is she has green eyes, y/n.”

You looked nervously at Bri. Bri bit her lips and looked around. You both were hoping you could squeak through the night without Mav or Penny noticing who she REALLY looked like. ESPECIALLY MAV.

Leia: “Penny, I’m Princess Leia from star wars. Do you like my costume?” She did a little spin.

Penny: “I love it so much Leia, you’re a very pretty princess.” She pinched her cheek lightly. 

Your daughter has such a big heart and is so loving to everyone. She treats everyone as if she’s known them all her life. Another one of yours and her dad’s qualities. Penny brought Leia to the back deck where her party was set up while you and Bri grabbed the gifts and brought them to the back deck. 

Bri leaned into you, "Well, shit y/n. That was close." She shoved her shoulder into yours, "She's literally Bradley's twin." You nodded slowly at her and took a deep breath.

Leia was so excited and started to cry. “This is perfect!” She started to jump around. 

After some time. the guests started to show up. All of Leia’s neighborhood friends started to show up dressed up as little Jedis and Storm Troopers along with their parents. Leia was having so much fun with her friends playing around, chasing each other around with their balloon lightsabers. You and Bri chatted and had conversation with the parents.

Mav walks up to you and Bri giving you both big hugs. “Hey girls!”

Bri: “Hey Mav! Long time no see!” she was so shocked to see him. she looked at you with wide eyes and mouthed, "Holy shit! Good luck!"

You tried to act normal but she knew you were terrified, “Mav! You made it!” You said smiling and sipping your blue milk. 

Mav: “Like I said I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He smiled and patting your arm. “So where’s little Princess Leia?” He was looking around.

Bri caught your eye and she was giving you a devious look and nodding. She mouthed, "HE'S GONNA KNOW." and gestured it was over for you by running her thumb across her neck. You just stared at her blankly. Such a supportive friend.

Leia came and tapped his arm. “Hi! Im Leia!” And she gave him a big hug. Your heart SUNK.

Mav crouched down and gave Leia a big hug. “Happy birthday princess!” He gave her a big present. 

"Please god, please! I'll be good!" you pleaded in your head.

Her eyes widened in shock. “This is for me!?” Her jaw hit the floor. “Thank you!” She gave the present to you and she gave Mav a big hug. 

Mav came back over to you, “God she looks just like you, y/n. Her eyes are just different. She must have that from her dad.” He patted your back.

“If you only knew….” You thought to yourself. “You know Penny said the same thing, but I think she really looks like her dad.” You laughed. “You should see a picture.” Your eyes widened after those words left your lips. “Shut up, y/n….” You said in your head. 

“No, She is literally a copy and paste of you, y/n!” He cocked his head at you and clapped your back before disappearing into the party. 

“Pheeewwww….” You went to go put the present on the gifts table when Bri came up to you. 

Bri: "Is that man fuckin blind?" she was looking over at him so confused. "Didn't he literally raise, Bradley?" she was watching him as he weaved through the crowd saying hi to some of his buddies.

You put your hands on the table trying to stable yourself, "God I almost shit myself." you sighed. "How the hell did he not notice?" you looked at Bri and she threw her hands in the air.

You continued to have conversation with Mav, trying to distract him from getting another look at Leia. You met some of his old Navy buddies that were at the party with their grandchildren. Then, Bri pulled you by your arm.

Bri: "Hey, Mav. I'm going to borrow y/n for a minute."

Mav: "Oh, of course!" he raised his drink to her.

Bri: “Hey girl, Billy is here.”

You turned to see someone dressed as Boba Fett. “Hey Billy! Thanks for coming!” You gave him a hug.

Bri: “And this is Auuustinnnn!” 

He came out from behind Billy. He was dressed as Darth Vader, what are the odds. Of course he was dressed a Darth Fucking Vader. This has Bri written all over it. 

Austin took off his Darth Vader helmet and he was so damn cute. You felt butterflies. He was tall probably like 6’0, black long slicked back but messy hair, lighter toned but still kind of sun kissed skin, bluish/green eyes, luscious ass lips and a freshly shaven baby face. You were taken back. Frozen.

Austin stuck his hand out that wasn’t holding his helmet. “Hi it's nice to finally meet you Y/n.” He had a little bit of a raspy southern accent. 

Bri nudged you so you could stop being weird. “Sorry, hi Austin. It's really nice to meet you.” You grabbed his hand gently and smiled.

He smiled and retracted his hand, obviously blushing. He then put his helmet back on and stepped back. Billy nudged him and they went in to go get drinks at the bar. 

Bri: “Told you he was cute.” She said as she looped her arm into yours.

Y/n: “Oh totally cute!” You looked at her and you both laughed. 

Leia ran up to you pulling on your arm, “Momma I wanna do the cake please!” 

Y/n: “Baby we haven’t sat down for dinner yet!” You laughed at your ecstatic daughter.

Leia: “Pleeeeeeeeaaaase momma!” Her big green puppy eyes. She was so good at that, just like her dad. She was irresistible when she used them and she knew it. 

Y/n: “Okay Leia, in 10 minutes. We are going to wait for Penny, okay?” You said as you fixed a couple of her curly stray hairs, something she got from you and her dad. 

Leia: “Okay momma! See you in 10 minutes! May the force be with you!” She said as she ran off to chase her friends onto the sand with their balloon guns and lightsabers. 

10 minutes went by and Penny came out after a couple of her workers came in to relieve her so she can be at the party. Just as the rush started. 

Penny: “Okaaaaaay! Let's get this party started!” She said as she clapped her hands together and running up to Leia to give her another hug. “Happy birthday, princess Leiaaaaaa!"

Bri leaned into you again, "God she's blind too."

You shook your head at her and pushed her playfully as you both laughed.

Leia: “Momma! It's time!!!” Your daughter sang as she ran to her cake. She started to jump around in excitement as you announced it was time for Leia’s cake. 

Your daughter’s cake was a 2 tier Star Wars themed cake. The top was the duel on Mustafar between Obi-Wan and Anakin, the bottom layer just had a variety of Jedi’s and other characters. The inside was chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. Leia had gotten her love for chocolate from her dad. 

You stood with your daughter as everyone gathered around and started to sing Happy Birthday to her. Right when you were in the middle of the song you heard an all too familiar tune kicking up and coming from inside the bar. Every time everyone would pause to take a breath before continuing to sing to Leia,  you would hear the tune coming from the bar little by little. You couldn’t make out exactly what everyone was singing inside, but it sounded so familiar. 

You became a little distracted trying to figure out what it was, but then the birthday song was over and it was clear to you what it was. Your heart fluttered and your stomach churned as you heard the all familiar tune being played on the piano. Hearing it brought you back to your days at university. You and him playing it on the piano, super drunk. Singing so loud and slurring your words just to look like idiots. It was his favorite party trick, the one he learned from his dad and Mav. The one that eventually you started to use. He used to try over and over again to teach you how to play it. You always struggled because your hands were so small. You always would rather sing along with him as he played. 

You slowly started to walk towards the doors of the bar, Bri, Penny and Mav looking at you, already knowing. 

Leia: “Momma? Where you going?” You left your daughter by her cake.

Bri started to walk to you to stop you, but Penny and Mav grabbed her arm. You had your hand over your chest holding back your heart before it flew out of your chest. You started to feel sicker and sicker, your throat dry, your skin burning hot, your knees grew weaker with every step . As you got closer you could hear an all too familiar voice getting clearer and louder each step you took…

“Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you all enjoyed this part! What do you think will happen next besties? Are you ready for it? I'll see you in the next part! 😉

Tag List

@lonelywitchv2

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@emma8895eb

@beebslebobs

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@tallrock35

[mixedstyles]

As Long as You Are: Blurb #3(ish)

Harry slowly realizing his feelings for y/n (and being jealous)

Author's Note: holy shit, I'm back for a moment! I realized I had this in my drafts and never posted it. I'm surprised I even still have followers after how long I've been gone.

Warnings: these aren't really warnings but... incredibly short, use of google translated Korean, slight ateex x reader (completely platonic) to fulfill my own personal agenda, poor photoshop job (on the third photo), and bad formatting

NOTE: Harry is in italics, reader is in bold

Dividers made by: @firefly-graphics!!

ALaYA Masterlist | Main Masterlist | ask box!

@ynupdates Y/N recently posted a new YouTube video of her reacting to, and breaking down, the @ATEEZofficial song ‘Guerrilla’ watch here! ⬇︎

@.ateezofficial [#홍중] @.areyoulistening 리액션 영상 감사합니다. 당신의 더 많은 것을 기대합니다! #ATEEZ (Thank you for the reaction video. I look forward to seeing more of you!)

19.5K Retweets 2,550 Quote Tweets 89.5K Likes

@.ateezofficial [#윤호] @.areyoulistening 정말 재미있는 비디오! 고마워요~~ #ATEEZ (What a fun video! Thank youuuuu)

17.6K Retweets 3,471 Quote Tweets 98.5K Likes

@.areyoulistening ATEEZ?? ASHJFOGNEHW HOLY SHIT????? I— TWO TWEETS??? A COMPLIMENT, A HJ MIRROR SELFIE, AND A FUCKING YUNHO PHOTO???!!!? WHERE HE’S WATCHING MY VIDEO????!! 🪦 5.2K Retweets 1,468 Quote Tweets 65.7K Likes

sraj0nes STOP ATEEZ IS FOLLOWING YN NOW HOLYYYY. collab????

jobros15 i want photos of yn and ateez in the same room. asap.

ateeeez pleaseeeee why does this feel more iconic than the whole harry situation🫣

user007 YN is literally making friends with every possible singer out there. We love that for her 🤍

@.areyoulistening 윤호야!!??!!?? i love you guys so much. i may or may not be crying. yunho… ur my bias 🧍🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ 4.6K Retweets 2,510 Quote Tweets 78.2K Likes

atinytinyfan girl same

atinynation not YN being ATINY

↳ hsfannn AND YUNHO BEING HER BIAS I CANT

↳ areyoulistening HES JUST SUCH A BIG PUPPY AND I LOVE HIM SM 😵‍💫😵‍💫

↳ atinynation and you’re valid for that 😌 @.areyoulistening

auden_png can confirm she’s crying

↳ areyoulistening please don’t expose me like this

↳ auden_png you literally said you’re crying in your tweet

@.harrystyles Isn’t he a little old for you?? 3K Retweets 3,571 Quote Tweets 84.6K Likes

↳ areyoulistening he’s 2 years younger than me but okay

harrietharry AHSHFKS IS HARRY, DARE I SAY, JEALOUS??

↳ harrystyles I don’t get jealous. I’m too busy for that.

↳ areyoulistening hey, are you a tabloid because all i’m reading are lies

adoreuclub not “he’s 2 years younger than me but okay” and “are you a tabloid because all I’m reading are lies” 💀💀💀 how is yn so quick with the comebacks??? what an absolute icon

━━━━

“Is it weird I miss y/n?” “You literally saw her yesterday.” “I didn’t get to see her for long though.” “My goodness you are whipped for that girl.” “Hey! Who wouldn’t though? Let’s be honest, she’s pretty damn great.”

━━━━

“I really wish y/n was here to see this. She said that when she finally got out of grad school she wanted to come here to travel.” “And they were ~best friends~” "Shut up, that's really all we are." "You just keep telling yourself that"

━━━━

“I’m so exhausted and overworked I might cry. I’m going to take a nap on the couch. Goodnight for now.” “y/n.” “…” “y/n.” “What? I just said I’m taking a nap.” “Let’s get you some food and then head home instead. It’s incredibly late and you’ve only gotten 6 hours of sleep within the past two days. Please, let’s head home.” “Hmph. My feet won’t carry me.” “Okay, okay, okay. How about this, you tell me what you want to eat and then I’ll go and grab food while you take a nap. We’ll eat and then take you home for some actual rest that’s not in the studio.” “Mmmm… kay. You can just go to Tony’s and get what we got last time.” “Okay… sounds good” *he’ll probably reach over to where she’s laying with her eyes still closed, and move her hair out of her face before he heads out of the room… I’m giggling* “I’ll be right back.”

━━━━