#but he ain't ready for Kelvin

[candygrahm]

Adventures pt3

More often than not, Kelvin will disobey and start following you, even after coming out of a cave or something. But this was a cute moment.

Found one more outfit. Y’all ain’t gonna believe this:

mother. fuckin. PJ’s! Kelvin is that a pistol in your pocket or you just happy to see Tim

I also just clipped this cuz it was funny. YEET.

[sirwarthogsworld]

This isn't mine so I'd like to create a story cus I'm not good at art. I'm Elizabeth kealoha btw ...

Crosshair: I hope that jesse guy doesn't show.. Not that he ain't cute or anything he whispers to himself

Jesse:?? Wots that mate?!

Cross:... Hey uh I was wondering if u were to show up... But um right I think lunch is calling...

Jesse: alright. Can I come?!

Cross: ummmm ... Cool ok yeah just don't do anything to my friends we don't usually work or hang with regs other wise they be mean and shit..

Jesse: eyebrow raised narrowed upper lip pondering then speaks regs hugh?. Lol u talking non defects?! I mean I'm not mean I would never do that

Cross: oh uhh....

Jess: you alright?!

Cross: um yeah .. I just mmm it's all hard saying it to anyone not even hunter knows me this way..

Hunter:? Wot way?!

Then the bearded man that is naked but getting ready to eat sits beside the batch jesse and some torrents

Then on the floor by the deep end u see a bunch of men naked and having towels wrapd around them and some by the tables eating u are alone and awqward like.. Then a blond kid is on the other end

Then as both kids are naked no towels and are scared of each other and the grown ups a man comes by with Drinks food and towels

The gruff but kind man

said u girls ok?!

U ask Ummm I'm new here... Wot is this place? I'm pluma

Omega: I'm omega

Clone with the food

I'm Kalvin. So I'm with the 104th ..

Stop! You say... As in wolffe devision the wolf pack?!

Indeed he is he's 1 of my gunners!

Here he walked u into the pool of water .. Can u swim?!

U stared at wolffe for a sec um kinda?!

2 more men swim ur direction u realize tho the one is much different...

Kid! They both hollard state ur busyness soldier!

Um.. Pluma?!

I do something wrong sirs?! As everyone stopped.....

U run off to hide where no one thinks to look then Kelvin finds u to re give u ur food.

....then the shaved headed one that scared u so

Cuz you thought you were in trouble came in with ur drink and said...

So pluma is it?! Well I just thought that the bathhouse was grown ups only but u can join waters extra warm today! And it's kinda cold out so eat the join me names chopper but I secretly go by chasity please don't tell

U have a confused look on ur face with a half smile then u get in his face and it happens

U kissed him and said .... As he was leaving

Daddy?!.. Can u keep mine?! He poaked his head back in and is like dad?! Well that's new sure wot?!

I have a developmental disorder it's hard to speak sometimes and it's I can't breath..

I have pictures of the one or 2 at least that I most want mom to marry as my daddies but it took me to long to get off of my planet. U continued you showed him

and he's like well now I am here where is she ur mommy?!

U say I think someone has her

The seps?!

You say I think someone worse...

A guy named Leroy...

Leroy?! Lmao a nother comes in

Then chopper and kalven barked

"nobody crowd her"!

As u keeps eating

Then back to everyone else they come barring gifts and stuff.

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 3.3, Continued: A fire dance, a limp wrist, a phallic sword, and Balkan beefcake

 

Cousins' Afternoon:  The Gemstone siblings and their partners sit on cabana chairs, insulting their cousins, the Montgomery boys,  while they swim in the trout pond.   Kelvin lays on the femme stereotyping, even flashing a limp wrist.  This will be important later.

Keefe, who of course looks at men's crotches a lot, points out that Cousin Karl has a lot of pubic hair.  Kelvin quips "Looks like he's got a chinchilla up there!"  It sounds like he is making a mean joke to draw attention away from his interest in what men really have up there.

The Fire Dance: For their entertainment, Keefe performs a highly erotic fire dance in the waning light, near a path lit by a thousand fires.  I am reminded of Coleridge's "Kublai Khan":

A savage place! as holy and enchanted as e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted by a man wailing for his demon lover.

Keefe here is the demon lover, pure erotic energy, offering his mouth, butt, and penis simultaneously. He is the new Messiah of Muscle, rejecting cozy, tepid phileo, friendship, for the eros, erotic desire, that promises ecstasy or damnation.

Early in the episode, Kelvin couldn't admit that they were lovers. Now Demon Keefe shows him that they are.   He has never been sure if his desire for Keefe will lead him to heaven or hell.  Now he knows -- both. 

Background note: The dark, disturbing music playing is "Balkan Sex God" from A Serbian Film, 2010, which regularly appears on lists of "the most disturbing films of all time."  It features Srđan Todorović as a retired porn actor drawn into starring in a snuff film. 

Cousins' Evening:  A huge dining hall, with the family and cousins using just one table, Keefe and Kelvin sitting across from each other instead of side by side!  Why does the staging back off from depicting them as a couple?

Kelvin pours on the femme stereotypes thickly, limping his wrists constantly as if he's in a 1920s pansy act, and coincidentally or not puts his "wedding ring" on full display.

Uncle Baby Billy pretends he's the host of his Bible Bonkers game show, where families compete at Bible trivia. He goes around the table and asks  each of the "contestants" their name and what they do for a living.  The Montgomery boys work in landscaping.  Then it's Keefe's turn.  He is ready to speak, but Baby Billy skips him with a rude "nuh-huh," angering him.  But it's not a homophobic snub: Baby Billy skips over BJ, too: "You ain't family."  Only born Gemstones count. 

Next it's "the weirdo boy with the puffy muscles," the second and last reference to Kelvin's physique this season, and maybe a euphemism for "gay." But Kelvin refuses to participate. 

Lick his what?: Jesse and Cousin Chuck pair off for a question from Genesis 40, where Joseph, in prison, interprets the dreams of the Pharaoh's butler and baker.  It should be familiar even to non-Evangelical viewers from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,  but Jesse gets the answer wrong.  The trivia contest devolves into a knife fight, which ends when Cousin Karl begins choking.  Everyone rushes to help.  Jesse yells "Heimlich his ass!"

Keefe asks "Lick his what?" Of course he has misunderstood, but the line emphasizes the interest in backsides that he has displayed all season.  

You never disappoint:  As he evening ends, Amber and Jessie offer to give the Montgomery Boys a ride home, identifying them as friends.

 Then we see three couples heading home. 

 First Baby Billy and Tiffany.  They decide to stop on the way to have sex, followed by waffles. 

Next, Kelvin and Keefe.  Kelvin praises Keefe's sausage dip and fire dance, and gives him some loving glances.  Keefe raises his phallic swords from their hilt, suggesting arousal, while the darkness surrounding them makes the scene very intimate.  When Kelvin says "You never disappoint," it is nearly the equivalent to "I love you," as well as a precursor to what will happen in the next episode.

Then BJ and Judy hug while singing "Gonna have some hot sex tonight."   

The couples are presented in parallel.  Although Kelvin and Keefe don't mention sexual activities, they are bookended by couples who do, making it obvious that they, too, will be "having some hot sex tonight."  The marital problems are over, for the time being. The end. 

The full review, with nude photos and explicit sexual references, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[nysocboy]

God sends locusts to break up Bible Busters

This is the fictional God of the Gemstones universe. No disrespect to your God intended.

Oh, no, Peter has a U-haul full of explosives, and he's going to blow up the church! I'll send a locust to splat on his windshield. Maybe he'll get the idea, and abandon the U-Haul.

Ok, that didn't work. But he stopped at El Molino to change some coins (darn money-changers!). I'll blow up the U-Haul myself, or talk Chuck into doing it. That will stop hm!

It worked! With property damage but no casualties. Now Peter is sitting on the ground outside a convenience store, admitting that he's lost. He's ready for redemption! I'll send Keefe to help him pray through.

Darn, Keefe didn't recognize him! (Oops -- now that I think of it, they only saw each other once.) And Peter stole his Smut Busters van! But he doesn't have any explosives, so…

He got more explosives somehow, and he's driving right to the church! He doesn't know it, but they're filming Bible Bonkers, and all of my favorite people inside. Like Kelvin and Keefe, and they just started being intimate, I can't believe it took them so long! Even the Blessed Virgin was saying: "Guys, just do it already!"

I'll send Gideon, Eli, and May-May to stop Peter. Ulp -- the darn idiots just followed him to the church!

Now what? Think! Wait -- the Bible Bonkers theme song says "buzzing in the name of the Lord." If I send a swarm of bees, everyone will run from the church and be saved. No, bees will sting. Locusts! They're bad for crops but harmless to humans.

Eli and May-May are trying to talk Peter out of blowing up the church:"It's not what Christ would want." Gee, ya think? Yo, J.C., do you approve or disapprove of mass murder? Peter isn't sure: "I don't know what Christ wants, but he always seems to have the Gemstones' backs." Got that right! Here come the locusts.

Well, the locusts got everybody out of the church, with only a couple of casualties, and the added bonus of loved ones saying "Save yourself!" and "I ain't quitting you!" But they ran out through a loading dock right next the Smut Busters van! And Peter's fitbit is busted, so the bomb will go off and kill them all!

Ok Peter, you have one last chance at redemption. Sacrifice yourself to save them, and I may let you live long enough to drive the Redeemer.