#but apparently trying to be normal and focus and actually think and be responsible is too much to ask for

[l-in-the-light]

The most embarrassing series of posts about Lawlu you will ever read: edition Dressrosa (part 5)

Are we ready for the feels? Because my "Love is a Hurricane tale" of Lawlu analysis continues on into Dressrosa, the land of love and passion! In this episode we will focus on Luffy and Law seperately. This post will be much more serious as well. Lots and lots of scrutinizing analysis ahead!

Let's point out two things here: apparently it was Sanji who was the rebel and left as the first one, attracted to amazing smells. Luffy on the other hand, actually tried to get closer to Law and listen properly.

And, one group of people is now enteirely missing. For once, it wasn't Luffy's fault, he wasn't even the first one to venture out and that tells us a lot already. Law, despite rather displeased with that outcome, decides not to do anything about it. Perhaps one of the remaining Strawhats told him not to worry about it... but would they say it? We're left with Nami, Usopp, Brook, Chopper, Robin and Momo. They're kinda a bunch of people easily scared and paranoid. Robin is the only exception, but she would rather just chuckle at all the chaos that's happening rather than reassure anyone.

I think the more likely option is Law trying to play it cool so that the rest won't worry too much. Whether he's personally worried or not wouldn't have mattered, he already feels like taking care of these people is his responsibility and he needs to be strong for them. He probably did worry himself a bit here. Let's switch to Luffy from now on:

As fast as Luffy realized (thanks to Sanji) that things aren't going as predicted, he tries to find a fast fix for it himself. I mean, he had a pretty good idea about it, sadly he was stopped with his attempt. This will start a streak of Luffy's attempts to actually stick to the plan, as disbelieving as that sounds right now. After all, he didn't listen to the end about the plan, obviously Luffy doesn't care??

If he doesn't care, why is his initial reaction towards Zoro slightly angry here? Oh, maybe because Law assigned them into one group and Luffy realizes *they have to stick together*. That's exactly why he left after Sanji (who shouldn't actually be in their group, but nevermind), it wasn't just for adventure (ofc that was important as well), it was to stay with their group. Ofc right after Luffy quickly snaps into his usual happy go lucky attitude, thinking it would be fun to chase Zoro, but let's keep in mind that's his second reaction, not the first one, and that's already giving us a hint what will be Luffy's priority from now on.

Luffy is unusually interested in finding the smiles factory. Concerned even. Perhaps he was keeping in mind Law's warning that finding the factory won't be easy and is reminded now of that.

Putting aside Luffy's clear PTSD reaction here (proving us he's still not over Ace's death, because why would he be), despite the fact he declares he wants flame-flame fruit, he doesn't immediately jump to the decision of doing everything he can to get it. It's actually only after Franky's encouragement that he makes his final decision! Very unusual for Luffy to hold back on something that important for him and needing encouragement. It's Luffy who encourages people usually, he just goes and reaches his hands to grab what he wants without fretting over it. I wonder why is he hesitating so much?

Ofc Luffy's enthusiasm to stay undercover is lovely, but he still almost fails with it right afterwards, because, well, he's Luffy. And why does he need to stay undercover? Oh right, so someone's plan in Dressrosa wouldn't be affected!

Meanwhile we have Law who tries to play it calm and cool for the group, but he's actually growing anxious. There are already two signs that the plan is going to have more problems than expected, since people in Dressrosa act normal despite their king abdicating, and then CP0 arrives. He won't voice his doubts explicitly though, he knows he needs to keep morale of the group up. But when they make it to the bridge, he already decided not to use his devil fruit to save up strength, he knows there will be problems up ahead thanks to all those signs.

It's kinda heartwarming but also a bit sad to see Luffy holding back so much. At all times he tries his best not to blow his cover. But Luffy is really terrible at lying, so he's fretting around a lot, clearly stressed from all the unfavourable developments. He even tries to stop himself from cheering on for Bellamy, something he would usually do without a second thought. Officially he claims he's doing it for Franky, but we all know why Franky told Luffy to be undercover: it was all for Law's plan to succeed, and attracting attention would be bad for it. It's not very direct, but all of Luffy's efforts are actually for Law and his plan.

Law remembered his own nature: giving out orders expecting others to live up to them. He's indeed just like Luffy here haha. Though we can excuse him a little, the situation was bad after all. Luffy meanwhile does it all the time.

Top images: Again, poor distressed Luffy is afraid his identity will be revealed and he will be the one responsible for blowing up Law's plan. He really doesn't want to disappoint him. Compare this to when he inflitrates the castle with Viola later on (bottom images), he doesn't even hesitate to take off his disguise even though his cover wasn't even blown yet. Only after Luffy removes his koi fish costume, the guy realized it was Strawhat Luffy. But Luffy doesn't care anymore for being undercover.

The contrast is shocking with the previous image. It just proves how much he was struggling and bracing himself to stay in that disguise in the collosseum, it must have been hard for him. But Luffy would try his best and beyond for Law. He just would do the same for Ace, that's why he couldn't ignore flame-flame fruit bait.

Luffy got fed by Rebecca, so he feels like he owes her. He listens to her story, about the country, about the toy soldier, he clearly wants to help her, but he stays silent. Again, unusual reaction for Luffy, normally he would be already enthusiasthically shouting that he will get rid of Doflamingo for Rebecca. But, beating up Doffy wasn't part of Law's plan, so Luffy just sits quietly, torn internally.

Let's compare it to, let's say, Drum Island Arc. Luffy doesn't hesitate at all. That's the Luffy we know.

Luffy is still listening to Rebecca. Gets reminded of Goa Kingdom. He still doesn't declare he will kick Doffy's ass. His resolve to not disappoint Law is really strong, if he's able to stop himself like that.

Law puts up a tough front, but I think he's kinda bluffing here, just throwing Doflamingo's words back at him. Internally, he must be worrying and hoping he won't mess things up himself, that he's able to withhold Doflamingo long enough.

It's not even a matter of whether he believes in what he says himself, but the dedication: he will do anything in his might. Is it for the plan, that backfired on him already? Or did his reason shift, yet again, to what it was in Punk Hazard and that means keeping Luffy relatively safe? He didn't put Luffy in his own group, the one that was at most risk, he didn't leave him up on Sunny (he probably would have wanted to, but not even Law can control Luffy's deep craving for adventure). Law is now just buying time so Luffy's group can destroy the factory; that's his chosen way of keeping them out of trouble and instead taking it all up on himself.

Another bluff from Law. We know he doesn't know what that D. even stands for, so there's no way he could have that much faith in it. After all Law is having trouble believing in things after Flevance. He says this line just because he knows it will rile up Doflamingo, and also because of his trust in Corazon. Cora-san lied a lot though so there's no way Law would take that line at face value and not doubt it at all.

Riling up Doflamingo is a sign that Law allowed him to play on his emotions. Provoking him here will end up in a disastrous result for Law. But let's rewind a moment earlier, Doffy is on a call with his subordinate, telling them to make the factory's security stronger. Ofc Law would lose his calm over that. Because who's in the group destroying the factory? Luffy. Law took it as his personal duty to keep him safe.

Back to Luffy's side now. Wait a moment. Luffy tells his crew to stop the rebellion in the oppressed country?? Despite having been fed by Rebecca and owing her a favour? Did someone just exchange Luffy with an alien here?? That's not the Luffy we know!

Though to be fair, even if it's a bit of a backwards logic, he does think it will help Rebecca as well, because she doesn't want the toy soldier to be in danger. But look at Zoro's reaction here. He's clearly taken aback. Our Zoro, the very first crewmate of Luffy, who was with him practically from the very start. And that Zoro is surprised by Luffy's reaction. He expected him to fully support the rebellion. If that's not the final argument to how strange Luffy is behaving, then I doubt anything can convince you.

His crewmates are getting involved with the rebellion, but Luffy is still quiet and refusing to go against Law's plan. Franky finally loses it and says he will do it, even if it means he will have to do it alone.

And that's finally the moment Luffy breaks his resolve. He's not gonna leave a crewmate alone. He's gonna help with that plan as well, just to fullfill Rebecca's wish, already planning to leave the collosseum before the final fights. It took Luffy only like 30 chapters to finally decide to do what he truly wants to do. For Luffy liberating countries and making people free is very important. He knows already that the peace is Dressrosa is only a facade and he hates when peace is just a facade, it's not a true peace to him. He would go fly some punches the moment he realizes that. The only reason he didn't was Law.

But let's keep in mind, it doesn't paint Law as a bad guy here. His original plan did involve dethroning Doflamingo, just indirectly, not through punching him in the face. Luffy believes Law to be the good guy who also wants to help this country, so he believes in Law's plan. But Luffy will never leave his crewmate in need and that's the only reason Luffy decided to go against Law's plan in the end. We don't know how it would end, would Luffy still try to stop the rebellion after he joined with them? We will sadly never know.

Before they even know what's going on, Luffy's face is already very worried. He clearly has a bad feeling. Perhaps it's an early sign of his future sight talent that will evolve only much, much later. In this case it activated not because Luffy himself was in danger, but because he had a bad feeling someone dear to him is.

What an interesting reaction from Luffy after he realized Doflamingo got Torao. "Torao, why are you fighting with Mingo?!" why would Luffy care about it in a moment like this? Oh, perhaps because he was still believing in Law's plan and facing Doffy was never part of it. That's your final proof that Luffy took this whole operation seriously, he constantly was thinking about Law and his plan, and trying not to disappoint him, so of course he's shocked beyond all logic that Traffy himself went against it. He didn't have much choice, at least that's what Law believes. He would never take an alternative: backing out, because then full attention of Doflamingo would focus on Luffy's group.

And here we go, Luffy's reaction to Law passing out from the lead bullets. Flashback to Ace and Marineford definitely played itself inside Luffy's head at this moment.

How dare you, Mingo, indeed.

Screaming after him, trying to leave and forgetting seastone bars make it impossible for him, very distressed but calmed himself down because he can feel Law's soul didn't yet leave his body. That's probably the first reference to Luffy's skill of being able to tell when someone is just passed out and when they're dead or close to dying (it's the last option in this case btw).

Despite all the chaos and worry, Luffy is still focused enough to realize that the plan did go astray and is so very taken aback. He might even wonder if it's somehow his own fault here, after all he did go to the collosseum, if he didn't then maybe the situation wouldn't evolve the way it did. He probably thinks he could have destroyed that factory super fast if he just wasn't so obssessed with flame-flame fruit.

Nami seems to get it. First it was Zoro who understood how surprisingly important this thing is for Luffy, now Nami understood it as well. And Nami helps Luffy come up with the best option: how to not destroy Law's plan any further by making sure they have the winning hand, because at the end of the day, that's the most important thing, right? Law wanted to keep Momo, Caesar and Smiles away from Doflamingo, so even if anything else about the plan fails, they will make sure this part succeeds no matter what.

Nami does it for Luffy, not for Law, because she realized Luffy cares a lot. She's always there supporting his decisions and wishes, no matter how reckless they are, even if they scare her, just like she does when she's navigating: making sure her skills will bring them anywhere Luffy wants and needs to go. She does the same for him here, just on different level: navigating the plan.

For Luffy, respecting Law's wishes and goals is important. He doesn't want another Ace scenario in which Law sacrifices everything, his dreams, people important to him, his ambitions, just to keep Luffy safe. Those two truly understand each other on a very intimate level, it seems.

And so Luffy makes his decision. Keeping Law safe is more important than sticking to the original plan, but he will leave it up to his crewmates to gather the scattered pieces together so that Law's wishes are fullfilled. He entrusts that with them, meanwhile focusing on what he wants to do the most. And what's that again? Helping Rebecca? Destroying factory? Exposing the darkness of Dressrosa and beating Mingo? Oh no, wait. He says it here: to get Torao back.

Are you disgusted already? I am a bit lol <3

Luffy worrying for his crewmates. On the surface level, nothing unusual right? Because he cares for them, it's to be expected. Except Luffy never worries for them, instead he trusts them. In Punk Hazard when his crew barely made it to escape the gas he didn't worry openly like that, he trusted in his crewmates instead. Usopp even points it out that he wishes Luffy sometimes didn't have that much faith in them, because it can get overwhelming how he needs to meet up his expectations.

But here instead Luffy just worries about his crew. Must be because now, after seeing Law defeated by Mingo, he takes his words about how strong Mingo is even more seriously than before. He believes Law to be so strong after all. He doesn't even have to face Doffy himself to know what Law's defeat means. He's willing to take a bet based on someone else's experience, which is also rather unusual in Luffy's case - he normally always needs to test things out himself, doesn't believe other people's opinions or rumours. Again Law proves to be a rare exception.

I dunno how you all feel about this panel, but seems for Luffy, shit just got very personal. In the frame before (I won't put it here because it takes full page) we see three figures: Toy Soldier (symbolizing Franky's wish to help tontattas with the rebellion), Rebecca (Luffy's debt over the food) and Law. Those are the three reasons that push Luffy to make his decision. He wants to beat Mingo's ass for all of those reasons: because his crewmates want to, because he wants to help Rebecca and... because he wants to get payback in Law's stead. I mean, why else would Law be one of Luffy's reasons here? Beating up Mingo was still not part of Law's plan, so he's not doing it to respect Law's wishes in any way. No, if someone messes with Luffy's crewmate, then they mess up with Luffy, that's just how shit goes.

Wait, didn't you mean to write "friend"? Law isn't Luffy's crewmate! We will get to it in part 2 ;)

Now, after finding out about Sabo being still alive, Luffy can't stop crying or calm himself at all. Zoro's getting super annoyed with him, scolding him, hitting him and nothing works UNTIL he drops Torao's name. Suddenly Luffy gets his shit back together enough to actually say what? "I'll save Torao!" geezas so gross Even his face grows more determined. Reuninting with Sabo was important, but so is saving Torao. They're probably on same level in Luffy's mind and that alone is honestly insane to think about.

Damn, seeing how this post covered only 30 chapters, you can all expect there will be like 3 more parts just focused on Dressrosa alone.

Do let me know if you got convinced with my analysis or not :) or do you still think Luffy didn't care even for a moment about Law and his plan in Dressrosa?

[dumbd3m0nzart]

A NEW KILLER IN TCSM AND LEAKED VOICE TRANSCRIPT?!!

SHE LOOKS SO CUTE!!! I CAN’T WAIT FOR HER TO RELEASE SO I CAN GO CRAZY!!!!!

💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵💙🩵

Apparently her ability is made to lure victims into a state of false security until another one of the family members strikes? I wonder how well that could execute in game without it being so op?? Honestly seems like a very interesting concept from the voice transcripts she seems to be a big crybaby which honestly who doesn’t love crybaby murders? I’m definitely not gonna complain!

(Dolly’s Leaked Voice Transcripts)

/To make it easier to read I’ll color code her responses!/

Interacting with the family (Dolly Hart)

Dolly Sees Sissy

“(crying) I can’t do this, I can’t.”

“Awh sugar, what's with those tears? Ain’t you having fun?”

“(crying continues) No.”

“Nancy is really startin’ ta get on my nerves.”

“Pay no mind to the old woman Doll, she's just a bit upset that her boy is payin' more attention to you than he is her.”

“I’ll try.”

“I-I’m really not supposed to be talkin to ya.”

“Did Johnny tell ya that sugar? Don’t listen to him..I’m always here if ya wanna have girl-on-girl talk!”

“S-sounds like fun! But let’s keep this secret please.”

“Of course sugar, whatever ya say. (laughter)”

“(crying) It’s everywhere, they’re everywhere.”

“Come on Dolly, smile! I know you aint used to this but it gets easier over time I promise!”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“(crying)”

“(fake crying) Is this makin ya feel better? (small laughter)”

“(crying elevates) NO!”

“You haven’t seen Johnny have ya?”

“Sweety with all due respect how do ya put up with the bastard?”

“Oh well, he’s real sweet to me when he wants ta be even when he gets mad I know he means well.”

“(laughter) Well good luck you sure got yer hands full.”

Dolly Sees Drayton/Cook

“Where are they, damnit.”

“Hey you! Doll or whatever go roun' back and check on those damn gates. Make sure they're nice an' secure understood?”

“Y-yes sir! I’ll g-get right on that!”

“(crying)”

“Quite that damn cryin’ before I give ya somethin’ ta cry about ya here girl?!”

“(crying) O-okay.”

“An' quit just noddin' at everything I tell ya dammit! Like some damn beaten ol' mutt, I swear there isn't any normal person roun' here. (annoyed grumbling)”

“Umm D-Drayton, not to be a bother but who’s this girl Johnny seems to be so fond of?"

“That damn girl is the soul reason we're in this mess! If that boy woulda jus' stop bringin' all of them girls to the property, we wouldn't be chasin' roun' stupid kids!”

"T-There are more of em?”

“Drayton you really gotta show me some of your recipes, yer cookins real good!"

“Quit tryna butter me up, and focus on actually gettin' the job done instead of havin' everyone finish it for ya!”

“Yes sir. (disappointed sigh)”

“Y’know that recipe ya showed me last time?”

"(annoyed sigh) Yes Dolly, I remember."

“Could ya show me again? I umm forgot what goes in the sauce.”

"Jus' ta stop yer yamerin' I’ll show ya again once we kill all these damn vermin okay?”

“Okay!”

Dolly Sees Johnny

“(crying)”

“I really do love it when you cry, Dollface. (laughter)”

“(slighty aggitated) Johnny who’s this girl everyon' sayin' yer so fond of?"

“Awh c’mon Doll, yer not jealous now are ya? You know yer always gonna be enough for me, Dollface.”

"R-really?!”

“(crying) Johnny, I wanna go back home."

"You think I wanna be here all day chasin' these vermin'?"

"(crying) N-no I jus-"

"(tuts and taunting) Awh, cmon' Dollface quit poutin' already an' help us out with that little act of yours.”

“(screams of distress) Help me! Get it off! Get it off!”

“What's the matter, Doll, can't handle a bit of blood? (laughter)”

"(hums "Look At Your Love" Sissy's song)"

“You ain't talking to that hippie now are ya darlin?"

“(stops humming and in panic) N-no! I would never!”

"(sadistic tone) You know I'll find out if you are."

“(small cries) Johnny, you love me, right? You promised you wouldn't leave me, right?"

“Nancy tellin' ya shit again? (annoyed sigh) Don't worry, Doll, I'll handle her. You just keep yer distance.”

"Okay."

“Johnny! C-can I stick with ya for a bit? I don’t w-wanna be alo-"

“(frustrated sigh) Dolly Baby, why don’t you go and smash some heads in, instead of hoverin' all over me like a damn dog and let me finally breathe!”

"(crying) I-I’m sorry."

“(crying) There’s so much blood."

“Bloody and a Crybaby, darlin' you really are for me! (laughter)”

"I-I am?”

“I can’t knock 'em down right with this no matter what, they just keep runnin'!

“What not likin' the mallet? Try smashin' harder, so that way you can get the job done much faster. Now isn't that an idea, sweet thing?"

"Ah! O-Okay I’ll make ya proud!”

"(laughter) I’m sure you will.”

Dolly Sees Nancy

"(crying then gasp of realization) Shit, not her."

“Of course yer crying. What else would you be doing? Yknow, I can't wait till my Johnny finally gets bored of ya."

“(sniffs) Johnny cares about me more than anything in the world I know he does, right?”

"Just like all the others, you ain't nothing special. (laughter)”

“Nancy.”

“Heard you and Johnny tusslin' trouble in paradise, Doll? (laughter)

"(verge of tears) Please not now."

"Oh girl, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into. once he's done with you, I'll make sure to take care of you myself.”

"Johnny doesn't want me talkin' to ya leave me alone."

“Stilk fallin' for his act, huh? Johnny may like ya, but does he actually love ya? (laughter)”

“Nancy have you seen any of em kids around?"

“Of course, you’d let one get away! (frustrated grumbling) Well? Go get 'em I ain’t helpin' ya!”

Dolly Sees Nubbins/Hitchhiker

"Nubbins, do ya have any idea why Nancy is so I don't know mean all the time."

“I d-don't get why that old lady’s all mean t-to you! Y-yer pretty, and nice a-a-and she's just a m-mean o-ol hag that's what!”

“(sniffs) That’s real sweet of ya Nubsie.”

“(crying) Why can’t they just die."

“W-Why you al-always cryin' for? Don't you ever get a headache from all that w-whining?”

"(crying dies down) O-oh umm yeah b-but I’ve gotten used to it by now.”

"Sissy says I should use more accessories as a way to get Johnny to notice, but I'm not sure what?"

“I think a nice b-bone bracelet would l-look real nice on you! I c-can make you one if you want! (laughter)”

“(gasp) R-really?! I would love that, thank ya, Nubsie. I really do appreciate it. I can’t wait to see it!”

“(crying)"

“Yknow the o-only reason they pick on ya is because y-yer to nice gr-grow some b-backbone o-once in a-awhile!”

Dolly Sees Bubba

“Heya Care Bear!"

"(affection grunting)"

"Woah n-now! Don't get so close swingin' yer chainsaw aroun it could hurt someone.”

“(crying) I don’t think I can do this by myself, Bubs. I really don’t wanna hurt em.”

"(very concerned grunting)"

“Yer lookin' real s-scary with that blood all smeared."

"(very concerned grunting)

"Don’t worry I’ll help ya clean yer mask once this is all over.”

“Heya Bubs, how's the huntin' goin' for ya?"

"(happy/affection grunting)"

"(laughter) I'm glad yer havin' some fun."

“If I find one of em you’ll be the first to know!”

"(comforted grunting)"

Dolly Sees Hands

“Wow Johnny wasn’t kiddin' y-you really are an intimidatin man.”

“I heard a lot bout yer hunts with Johnny, ya mind teachin' me a thing or two? (nervous laughter)”

"Not much of a talker, huh?"

“(crying) I-I can’t do th-this alone."

"(silence)"

"(sniff) Ya min' given me a hand? (laughs lightly)”

"(small laughter)"

“Hands! Glad I caught ya when I did. You wanna try this new recipe I’m workin on for Johnny it's with h-hum- well meat."

"(grunts in affirmation)"

"I’ll t-take that as a yes”

“(screaming in terror) Oh! (laughs lighty) it's just you."

"(grunts in affirmation)"

"Ah, silent, but deadly I’ll have to learn from that.”

Match Start Intro

“H-how did they escape?! God, this needs to end quickly.”

“Of course, the cat plays with their food and the mice find a way to run wild. I really don’t wanna hurt em.”

“(crying) W-why couldn’t they have just stayed in the damned basement and die! Ya’ll kids better die this time.”

“Don’t worry Johnny I’ll make ya proud. I hope.”

Idle

“(crying) I never wanted to do this yknow but you gave me no choice I have to kill ya now!”

“Sissy was right it really does get easier the more I do this.”

“(laughter with tears) I really am a terrible person.”

“This is gettin' old! Come out already!”

“I can’t do anything right. (crying) Hell! I can’t even kill someone right!”

“What was it that Sissy said to me once? Laugh and smile and everything will get easier. (Manic Laughter) Yeah, no.”

“Go ahead, lil bunnies. The big bad wolf is gonna find ya soon enough.”

Feed Grandpa

“Don’t bite me, Don’t bite me, Don’t bite me!”

“Open wide, don’t choke now.”

“(crying) Please, let this work Johnny’s countin' on me…”

Find Hidden Victim

“(screams in excitement) I actually found one!”

“(crying) like a dog I’ll always fetch!”

“Run.”

“(crying) You're all real bad at hidin’ no wonder they always find ya.”

“You think yer hidin will do ya any good (laughter) then yall are dumber than you look!”

“(crying) Don’t hide without me! Make some room!”

Hit Enemy

“GRAH! Just stand still will ya!”

“(crying) Can’t ya see I’m tryin' to help! Just let me take away yer sufferin' already!”

“(crying) This is hurting me more than its hurtin ya.”

“Cry all ya want! (crying) It won’t change anythin!”

“(crying and laughter) Yall are making this way too easy. I feel real bad for ya.”

“Trust me, it's better if I’m the one who kills ya!”

Dolly See Blood Trail

“Looks fresh, your close ain’t ya.”

“(crying) You poor things I’m so sorry you havta suffer like this, I’ll help ya don’t worry”

“So much blood.”

“The more blood yall lose the easier it will be when he finds ya!”

“Well looky here a little red road!”

“(crying) This will be yalls demise.”

See Enemy First

“Run rabbit. (crying) Run!”

“Oh c'mon now, don’t just run off without me!”

“Just a few smacks to yer pretty lil skull will do the trick trust me!”

“(crying) I can see you.”

“I ain’t gonna bite ya! I promise.”

See Enemy Sub

“Johnny’s gonna be real pleased once I tell him how I found ya’ll!”

“It’s over. You better start runnin'. (crying) Right now!”

“Found ya!”

“(crying) Don’t even try runnin' it’s useless now.”

Encounter Start

“(crying and struggling) Let go of me!”

“(laughing with tears) well, looky here! Cmon, kill me! Yknow ya wanna!”

“Don't you dare, touch what's his!”

“Try me! I dare ya!”

“(crying) I just wanted y’all to die. Is that too much to ask?! Huh?!”

Exit Interaction

“AH! This could’ve ended badly. Good thing I caught it before any of em really did run off.”

“God this is frustratin’ just stay on dammit!”

“No wonder I didn’t hear no vroom an’ boom!”

Lose Enemy First

“Dammit, dammit, dammit! Johnny’s gonna be so mad!”

“No! This isn’t how it’s supposed to go!”

“Gah! (crying) The hunt just started, and I already messed up! Shit!”

“(crying) Johnny, trust me, this isn’t my fault.”

Lose Enemy Sub

“Run all ya want I’ll find ya! I hope.”

“Go ahead, run from fate!”

“(crying) No, please! Let this end! For the both of us.”

“(crying) Come back! Please I’m beggin' ya, please!”

Lose Enemy Long

“Yall were already dead the very moment you set foot on this place.”

“(crying) The more yall struggle the more painful this is gonna be!”

“I know yer here come on out! This is pointless. Please just go away.”

“I was like the rest of y'all once I too ran from death, but look at me now head over heels for him. I’d do anythin’ for my Johnny.”

See Family Member

“Keep yer eyes peeled they're here, somewhere”

“(crying) O-Oh! I didn’t see ya there. I’ll be quiet now.”

“I-I need yer help, please?”

See Trapped Victim

“Like a bug, disgusting.”

“(crying) That looks like it hurts! Here let me help!”

“I told ya, didn’t I? We’d find ya one way or the other, dead or alive.”

“Go ahead! Struggle, easier for me ta kill ya this way.”

“(crying) Please understand this is really for the best.”

“I-I need ya to stop movin yer makin' it harder to aim.”

See Victim Escape

“No, no, no, no, no! (cries and screams in frustration) What am I gonna do!? What am I gonna do?!”

“No wait! Please don't go! Please! Let me free you!”

“Bleed, bleed out, and die for all I care (crying) I tried helpin’ ya but yer too stubborn to care!”

“They got away, shit! (crying) I really am useless. What’s Johnny gonna do with me now if I can’t even finish the job! N-no, he wouldn’t do anything like that. Would he?”

“(crying) Johnny. I need Johnny!”

Use Ability Blocked

“They ain’t nearby yet. Gotta wait for the right time.”

“I don’t see anyone here.”

“Can’t deal with crowds. Gotta wait till they scatter.”

“No one is here to help.”

Use Ability

“Help! Help me! Please?!”

“No please don’t hurt me! Please someone help!”

“We gotta run! We gotta hide!”

“Y-yer not one of 'em are ya thank god! (crying)”

“(crying) Please, don’t leave me alone. I’m scared!”

“(crying) We’re not safe here! Please, we have to go!”

Use Ability Success

“I’ll take us somewhere safe! I promise.”

“(crying) I’m so glad you stayed. I was so scared, please don’t leave me.”

“(crying) I was stuck here for so long. I’m glad yer here to protect me.”

“You got so much blood on ya, I’ll clean ya right up once we're out of here!”

“We’re gonna be safe again, I just know it.”

Execution

“(crying) I’m sorry! You gave me no choice!”

“(crying) Blood, blood so much blood!”

“Why won’t you stop twitchin'!?”

“(crying) I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry!”

Isn't she so cool! I need to know more of her lore, honestly. Can't wait for them to talk about her next stream if they even do.

(I hope ya like my oc!!!)

[bonearenaofmyskull]

Hello, Twyla here. ♡ ̆̈

I've been chatting with @crimsondinnerparty about the Hannibal series. My blog mainly focuses on love, the Hannibal series isn't a genre I typically cover. However after hearing about the pair, I'm interested in featuring them on my blog for my audience. She suggested your account for any questions, so I hope you don't mind me asking you.

For me to feature any pair in my blog I only have 3 questions -

1. Are the actors fine with the shipping?

2. If the ship is canon , do the actors acknowledge it?(it would be great if you can tell me if they interpret the relationship as romantic or just a bromance , just for clarity to my followers,I get a lot of suggestions from people who sometimes want me to feature a fanon pair )

3. Are the actors and crew respectful to the LGBTQIA community ?

⤷ I hope you don’t mind me asking these questions. I eagerly await your response, and I hope your community gains more followers from my fandoms.

Hi, I sent you an ask a few hours ago. If you could reply to me privately, it would be great.* So, I was talking with some of my friends, who are my mutuals, and they really don't want me to reblog Hannibal-related content at all because they think it would give my blog a negative impression. For context, I am an active ally who fights for LGBTQ+ representation in movies and series. My focus is on normalizing queer relationships in my media and not stereotyping the community. My blog is important because people come there to get recommendations and send me theirs. In the discussion, one of my friends said there's a homophobic lesbian scene and also mentioned that the storyteller is problematic because he said his story is "queerbaiting." I really don't want to post any queerbaiting content as my followers mostly come from the Sherlock fandom, and if I put the same thing in front of them again, it's going to be very messy. For example, my followers are used to canon pairings like Ofmd, Maurice, Fellow Travelers, etc. I personally do my homework to see if any actors are LGBT+ who played the characters. After the discussion, I am hesitant about the Hannigram ship. Also, there's a debate about one of the actors' hesitation towards the fandom and relationship. This will be the same as the Supernatural fandom, and again, it was a mess, and I don't want to deal with that either.

Well...I'm going to give you an answer of sorts--I'm going to tell you where you can find your answer, at least--but I'm not actually going to answer your specific questions in any meaningful way.

Because here's the thing: you've got a question here that is the thread running through all your other questions and the context of your friends and others trying to influence your blog content. And that's because that question isn't really about Hannibal at all.

It's about what kind of blogger you want to be. And what kind of person you want to be, and where you want that person to exist in the spectrum of history and experience that is the queer experience.

In more cynical terms, it's a branding question: what kind of blog are you running with what kind of content, and what kind of experience do you want people to have if they follow or visit, and who do you think your audience is?

In that context the most important thing I saw in your asks was: "I am an active ally who fights for LGBTQ+ representation in movies and series. My focus is on normalizing queer relationships in my media and not stereotyping the community. My blog is important because people come there to get recommendations and send me theirs."

So it seems to me that if you apply Hannibal to your vision statement here, you get a pretty easy set of answers for some of it:

Is Hannibal a queer product with queer representation? Yes. Did people recommend Hannibal? Apparently. Might some of your audience be interested in the series and want to see it? Based on the three other products you mentioned blogging...maybe? At least some will. And some, like your friend, won't.

The trickier question is the middle question: will recommending Hannibal help normalize queer relationships and resist stereotyping?

Well, nothing about Hannibal, textually, is normal. Whether it's queer or not. It's about extraordinary people doing extraordinary things in a world that only looks normal. But subtextually--and even metatextually--the struggle at the center of Will Graham's character journey is entirely queer, and intertextually, that struggle is the same struggle between feared monstrosity and self-acceptance that is at the heart of why so many queer people are attracted to monster horror. Here is a good article that summarizes some of the issues that you're wondering about, and about the level of queerness that exists on a show that is entirely consumed by the love between two men while never actually allowing them even to kiss.

So as far as normalizing as in making gay stuff seem totes ordinary and all, without being stereotypical, the answer is sure, kind of--especially given there's also a lesbian relationship. Anecdotally I can tell you that my students perceive and accept the gayness of it more readily now than ever, and whether that's because media in general is more accepting or because people are or because the show itself creates that doesn't really matter--it's all a cycle of reinforcement, and the show does contribute to that reinforcement, so I'd say it's a net positive. But it's not going to meet the bar of the shows that you've cited here as the other pieces that you are interested in blogging about. Those seem to be explicitly gay, and/or often specifically about being gay, where the queerness is consummated and a main driver of the plot and center of the story. TBH, I wouldn't even know whether to recommend Black Sails to you based on the list you gave. And that show is gay af.

Hannibal doesn't belong in that group.

But that does not mean it's not queer. it's definitely more in the closet, but the queerness is threaded through the narrative thematically and symbolically in ways that the other shows you blog about might not do (I haven't seen them, so IDK--I am aware of them).

Hannibal is a product that is derivative from original works that definitely used queerness or queer-coding as horror itself. The author of the original books, Thomas Harris, had some real homophobia. To give credit where he put in the effort, he listened to criticisms about his work on that level and seemed to really work on trying to change that in himself and do better for representation and in his work over the course of time (with some hits and misses which is typical of this kind of personal growth), but regardless, Hannibal Lecter will always be an inheritor of the mid-twentieth century notion of Stereotypical Evil Gays, and anyone who wants to object based on that heritage will always be able to do so as long as Hannibal himself remains at all queer in any subsequent iterations. I think that's a bit of a bad faith reading, personally, in this day and age, but someone will always complain about it.

And that's the thing about Hannibal: it's problematic--not in the ridiculous way the word "problematic" has come to be used, meaning just "offensive," or some such nonsense (because the show really is not to anyone who is thinking critically) but truly in the sense of literally presenting problems and posing questions that are not easy to answer in a way that you can tie a pretty little bow on and put it on a controversy-free shelf, never to be taken down again to be re-examined.

Which is why Hannibal will be a part of literature--and queer literature, history, and heritage specifically--longer than shows that are easier to approach. Much like being queer itself is often problematic: it's not an easy road to travel, but there's a depth of human experience and history in it that means that most of us would not choose to travel a different, easier road, even if we could.

And it got canceled before it got to finish telling the story that it wanted to tell about these two men. It's forever been robbed of the chance to state definitively and finally what story it was ultimately trying to tell.

So the question you have to answer for yourself about whether or not Hannibal belongs on your blog has a lot to do with the queer zeitgeist that we exist in at this moment. Western queer communities are now passing through a phase of media consumption that is both a vast improvement on what the Sherlock fans you mentioned had to deal with, while also not quite releasing the trauma from the Sherlock-type experiences at the same time. It's fostered a kind of judgmental "queer fragility," wherein audiences, having come from a heritage that first entirely ignored the existence of queer people to the point of necessitating queer-coding, then depicted as mostly stereotypes, then started to have some real representation, but often what you got was sidelined or "bromanced," while creatives were often actively hostile to queer fans, and finally, now we have some pretty regular and relatively common and nuanced representation. With all that baggage for audiences to lug around, a lot of people are--understandably!--not at all interested in any media that reminds them of any of those other painful phases of the past. This fragility is something I tend to believe is a vocal minority, but they are VERY vocal, to the point of easily making themselves look like a majority in spaces like social media, where one only sees the people who are talking, not the rest of the people standing in the room. I believe as time goes on, if representation continues, people will eventually move out of this phase of fragility and be able to look back at the cultural media heritage of queerness without it eliciting such a visceral response. But I don't think we're there yet.

So who is your audience, then? Whom do you want to be your audience, and how will your content cater to them? Do you want your audience to be primarily the most traumatized and to cater to them in a fully safe way, where all your reblogs are considered endorsed as "safe," and they don't have to approach anything that has as much nuance going on with it as Hannibal? This kind of safe space is fully warranted and needed for these people, and if this is what you want your blog to be, I'd probably forego highlighting Hannibal.

But if you want to have a broader audience than that, or if you consider part of your mission to avoid stereotyping and to advance representation to mean that you need to include more queer representation, across a broader spectrum of queer history, heritage, and time, and if you see your reblogs as representative of offering that whole and varied spectrum of queer experience for your audience, then Hannibal 100% should be included.

Neither of these are without pitfalls: if you do the first, you'll have to vet everything down to the last detail. It'll be a lot of work. And woe betide you if you ever include something someone doesn't want.

If you do the second, you might let yourself off of some work, but your content will be diluted unless you assume a rather comprehensive tagging system and at least watch everything you recommend. And woe betide you if you don't include everything everyone wants all the time.

So in the end, the answer just lies with you, what you personally think of Hannibal, and whether or not you want to include it. Ultimately you're always going to be the judge of that, so what I say about the specific issues your friend mentioned versus what they said doesn't really matter either way. Your blog needs to be yours, even if it's based on recommendations. You're going to lose people either way you choose to do it. So just remember that your first audience--and last--is always just you.

I couldn't possibly go into significant detail about all the things you've mentioned in the course of a single post and do a fair job representing the nuance behind all those controversies, but I can tell you what I think about all the things, briefly.

And my brief opinion is that your friend has shit for takes. Sorry. But the list you gave of the things your friend objected to is all the absolute worst takes on every last one of those topics. If you want to do more research about any of this, I have already spoken to nearly all of it in my Hannibal meta tag, which you could probably pretty easily skim through (with some time, lol) to find most of your answers since there's no way I've the energy to rehash it all. Or ask @crimsondinnerparty, who has a preternatural ability to find things in my blog that even I can't find. Or you could just take your friend's word for all of it, to keep the peace and just assume that whatever they think is what you think and that they're educated enough to know what they're talking about. (It sounds to me like they've just heard gossip.)

You ARE going to have messes. That is one reality of running a fandom blog on Tumblr, if you have designed a blog for audience input, which you have. Specifically, if you reblog Hannibal, you'll disappoint your friend. If you don't, you'll disappoint the person who recommended it.

I think in the end you just need to decide to blog what you like.

Show us who you are.

_____

*I doublechecked that answering this publicly would be fine. It is. I wanted to publish this because I think there's an inherent greater discussion going on here about the nature of queerness and the nature of fandom.

[uboat53]

It's been a while, but I feel the need for some political analysis. Not the specific issue things I've been doing, but a broader look at the 2024 election. LONG RANT (TM) time?

INTRODUCTION

As I imagine you're aware by now if you read anything I write, I'm a bit of a data guy. I've been following the polls for a few decades now and I find it a good way to keep sane in the chaos of an election season. This time, though… this time I'm not so sure.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still following the polling like a crack addicted muppet, I'm just no longer sure that it's accurate, even within its own margins of error. There are a few reasons for this, the long-standing ones like declining response rates, but also some new ones to do with the changing electorate. A bunch of things are coming together in ways that make me no longer certain that we're getting an accurate picture.

That said, there is still data I'm seeing that I find useful. Focus groups, for example, are still producing interesting nuggets of information that help fill in a few gaps, but more on that later. First, the polling.

HOW POLLING WORKS

So polling, at its heart is fairly simple. You call, text, or otherwise survey a bunch of people, usually on the order of a thousand or so, and ask them for their opinions. Then you figure out the race, age, and other demographic information of the people you got and use some statistical tools to normalize them to the broader population.

For example, if your thousand person sample was 5% black but you think the voting population is going to be 10% black, you'll "weight" the answers your black respondents gave. In other words, you'll give more impact to their answers to try to better represent who you think is actually going to show up on election day. If you get more of a group than you think will actually show up, you'll do the reverse and de-weight them.

If you think about that for a minute, you'll realize that there are two really big places where error can seep into your polling.

POLLING ERRORS

The first is called the response rate. It used to be that you'd have to call about 2,000-3,000 people to get 1,000 responses. Nowadays, you've got to hit closer to 10,000 people. And there's good research showing that the kind of people that respond to polls are meaningfully different than the kind of people who don't respond but still vote.

That said, pollsters have adapted and have gotten reasonably good at adjusting for this kind of error. Well, the good ones have, the bad ones just do low-quality polls and their results are terrible as a result. There was one particularly longitudinal poll during the 2016 election that apparently only had one black Trump supporter, who they weighted heavily, who would just stop answering their questions when he felt Trump was doing badly which led to some wild swings in their results depending on whether he answered that week or not. Generally speaking, though, this kind of error isn't as big of a problem in decent polling as we kind of thought it would be when it started showing up a decade or two ago. The other kind of error, though…

Look, in order to weight your polled population properly, you have to have a reasonable idea of who's actually going to show up to vote. Will 30% of white women between the ages of 18 and 24 show up or will it be 50%? Will the electorate in Georgia be 30% black or 40% black? Answering these questions makes a huge impact on how the final result turns out, and the way we generally answer these questions is we look at the past few elections.

The problem with that is, there's nothing consistent or predictable about the last few elections. 2012 and 2014 were pretty standard elections where the predictable groups showed up in predictable numbers and things went as expected. In 2016, though, Trump turned out a huge amount of people who had never voted before and shifted the result in key states that were not expected to go for him. Those same people, though, didn't show up in 2018 when he wasn't on the ballot and the result was a pretty solid win for Democrats in places that hadn't been expected to for them after 2016. Then, in 2020, those same people showed up to vote for Trump again, but this time they were outnumbered by ANOTHER new group of voters who hadn't showed up before but now showed up to vote against Trump. Finally, in 2022, yet another huge wave of new voters showed up, energized and outraged by the Dobbs decision that overturned Roe vs. Wade, and completely overturned the conventional wisdom of a strong Republican showing.

In other words, there's no way anyone could reasonably say that we can make a strong prediction of what the 2024 electorate is going to look like based on the last decade of elections. Are the voters who were outraged about abortion in 2022 still outraged? Will the new voters who showed up for Trump in 2016 and 2020 show up in the same kind of numbers? Will the anti-Trump voters of 2020? Maybe they have got it right this time, but there's absolutely no way to know that. Even worse, there's no way to know which way the error is running, the polls might be massively overweighted in Trump's favor or Harris's.

I certainly can't say and I'm fairly certain no one else can either.

OTHER DATA

That said, there is other data we can look at. My personal favorite these days are focus groups, particularly those conducted by people who are good at running them like Whit Ayers or Frank Luntz. Rather than look at what percentage of voters are voting for Trump, Harris, or undecided, they simply take a group of undecided voters and ask questions to determine why they're undecided and what could shift them and the results of those conversations are really interesting.

I've seen results from a few of these focus group results so far and they're fairly consistent. There's the standard undecided voters, the low-information voters who simply haven't paid attention enough to know where they stand and there's the so-called "double-haters" who just really dislike both candidates, but, surprisingly, these groups aren't the majority.

The majority of undecided voters apparently are generally moderate conservative voters who know that they don't like Trump but don't feel like they know enough about Harris to vote for her. Specifically, they feel like they don't know enough about her economic policies.

And that's a very interesting result, because it's the kind of result you see when an unpopular incumbent runs for re-election. Unpopular incumbents can and do win re-election; it's not enough that people don't like them, they also have to like the alternative. That's why John Kerry didn't defeat George W. Bush in 2004 and why Bill Clinton did defeat George H. W. Bush in 1992. Clinton persuaded voters that he would be better and Kerry didn't.

When Biden was running against Trump earlier this year, he was the unpopular incumbent and, while people didn't like Trump either, a critical mass of them seem to have liked him better than Biden. With Biden's withdrawal, the race has shifted. Trump may not technically be the incumbent, but people have seen him in office and they didn't like him. Harris has been Vice-President for about three and a half years now, but that's not being President, not even close. She's the unknown in this race.

WHAT IT ALL MEANS

Look, I don't know if there's enough undecided voters in this race to make a difference. Heck, it's possible that either Trump or Harris already have enough voters in the tank to win this thing in the key states and we just don't know it. All that said, there's a clear fight on for what undecided voters currently exist.

Harris needs to convince them that she has a plan to manage the economy. Job growth, wage growth, and consumer spending are strong and inflation is back down to reasonable levels, but the scars of high inflation remain. If she can convince voters that she has a plan to bring down costs and/or raise wages, she'll win. This is going to take more than the broad-strokes style answers she's been giving so far, my take is that she'll need to give a formal economic policy address, preferably more than one, and go into detail and depth about her economic plans.

Trump's only chance, on the other hand, is to smear Harris as well as he can. After four years in office and about a decade of a constant campaign, I'm pretty sure there's nothing left that could convince these voters to like him. Fortunately for him, he doesn't need them to like him, he just needs them to dislike her. That said, the relentless personal attacks he's been lobbing aren't going to do it, he's going to need to actually attack her economic policy, but that runs the risk of highlighting it to voters who may have otherwise not have heard about it.

CONCLUSION

Look, the polling data is iffy to me. It may be accurate or it might not, but we really have no way of knowing given the massive churn in the electorate this last decade. Assuming, though, that this race really is a tight one and will come down to undecided voters, it seems like this really is Harris's election to lose. If she can define herself, particularly her economic policies, in a way that appeals to undecided voters, it's likely that she can win them and, presumably, the election as well and there's not a lot that Trump can do about that without becoming a far different person than he is.

[morganski-19]

Steddie Week Day 2: Angst

@steddie-week

apparently, I can never leave things as a one-shot so today's submission is a continuation of yesterday's. tomorrow's will also be a continuation of this idea so I will properly link it all once it is done.

part 1, part 3

Steve walks up to Eddie’s trailer, muttering small encouragements under his breath. It’s no big deal, just him and Eddie alone. No one to take his focus away or distract him before he says something stupid. No, just him and Eddie in an empty trailer, alone. 

He knows exactly what’s going to happen. Eddie’s going to say something nice like he always does, and Steve is going to flush. Struggle to find something to say in return and instead, just make a total fool of himself and say something too far. Eddie will laugh it off like he does and it returns back to the comfortable silence between two good friends. 

Because it totally wasn’t awkward to just sit in silence with someone while skirting off touches and trying too hard not to stare that you just end up doing it anyway. Totally not awkward. 

All Steve hopes is that he can get through one night without spiraling. Being around Eddie was enough, he can’t let his mind wander to places he knows he’ll never come back from. If he leans into the touch that Eddie loves to give or the smile that seems to form whenever Steve is around, there will be no coming back from that. He’ll tell Eddie how he feels and how he wants this to be more. But it can’t. 

Eddie didn’t like Steve like that. Hell, Steve didn’t even know if he liked guys. Under the assumption that he did, Steve couldn’t help but think that he was so not what Eddie’s type would be. He couldn’t imagine a metalhead dating a preppy ex-jock like him. No, he’d go for someone a bit more rough around the edges. Someone who liked the same music and movies, who didn’t have to stop and ask a million questions every time he talked about something Steve didn’t understand. Someone who didn’t have bad days where his head just couldn’t stop spinning and any small noise made him want to throw up. 

Someone who wasn’t Steve. Because Steve seemed to mess up every relationship he’s ever been in, and he didn’t want to mess up whatever he had with Eddie. 

He knocks on the trailer door, taking a deep breath before putting on a smile he knows is fake. There is stumbling around coming from inside the trailer before the door whips open, Eddie greeting Steve with his big smile. “Stevie, glad to see you actually showed up.”

“I said I would, didn’t I,” he says, trying to be playful but just coming off annoyed. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “With the way you’ve been avoiding me the past few weeks, I was waiting for a phone call with an excuse.” He leads Steve into the house, shutting the door behind them. “But here you are, and as promised. The late tapes.”

He holds out a stack of two tapes. “There’s supposed to be three,” Steve comments as he takes the tapes out of Eddie’s hands. 

“I am well aware of that. I thought we could watch that one since I know you’re not a fan of horror. Don’t want to have to hold you’re hand when you get too scared.”

The lump returns in Steve’s throat. “Thanks,” he squeaks out, unable to find a response that would make him look better. He really does hate horror movies. 

Eddie brushes him off. “What are friends for, right? Go on, settle in. I’m getting a beer, want one?”

Steve gives him a small nod and focuses on the couch, sitting in his normal spot. Eddie wanders off to the kitchen, muttering something Steve can’t make out under his breath. 

Friends. Steve and Eddie were friends, nothing more. He knew that, forced himself to recognize it on a daily basis. It used to bring him some happiness, knowing that he at least had Eddie in his life. But as they got close, the affection he had for the other man only grew. Now being around him hurt. 

Because Eddie would throw around words not knowing how they would affect Steve. Calling him nicknames that bordered on the line of romantic. Calling him sweetheart or princess just to crawl under his skin, but them having the opposite effect, only making Steve flush instead of getting annoyed. Saying “It’s a date” when they both knew it wasn’t. It was just a regular hangout, but Eddie would call it that just to tease him. 

And Steve couldn’t stop his reactions. His face would betray him as blood rushed to it, painting his face red. His throat would close up with a lump so big that he could barely get a word out. Insides tying up in a knot only to remind him that he was so out of his comfort zone. 

He doesn’t really know why he acts like this, usually acting so smooth and confident around the people he likes. Maybe because there was always the knowledge in the back of his head that if he struck out with the next girl, there would probably be one that wanted him. Even when he was constantly striking out, he never was short on finding words, instead, they just flew out of his mouth in the most awkward way possible. But he was Steve Harrington then, that at least got him something. 

That something didn’t work with Eddie. His ‘Harrington Charm’ was put on the sidelines when the other man was around. Because when Steve was around Eddie, he wasn’t ‘Steve Harrington the old king of Hawkins High’. He was just Steve, plain old Steve who was traumatized and hurt beyond what any other person his age has been. Steve who was fragile and gentle in all the right ways. Steve who was insecure about his appearance and wondered who could see through the cracks of his mask enough to see that he’s not who he claims to be. 

Eddie never saw that though, even though the mask tends to slip whenever Steve was around him. Because out of all the things Eddie did, he never pitied Steve for his pain, never made him feel less than for having a bad day. Never expected anything more from Steve that he couldn’t give, only wanted what he could. He just wanted to be around Steve for Steve. 

It was so easy to fall for Eddie because of that. How could he not? It sometimes felt that there were only two people in the world who knew who Steve really was, Robin and Eddie. The two people he could be himself around and would never get any judgment from. And Robin was his platonic soulmate, it only made sense that the other person would take the other side of his heart. 

“Alright, Stevie,” Eddie plops down on the couch and hands Steve a beer, clanking their bottle together. “Let’s watch this thing.”

Eddie tosses his arm across the back of the couch, hand ghosting over Steve’s shoulder. He shifts, pulling away from the touch he so wants to sink into. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Let’s watch it.”

[obaewankenope]

"WELCOME TO HELL."

A loud, booming voice bellows across the flaming planes of despair and misery that make up, well, Hell. Maybe if I'd been born a medieval peasant or, I don't know, suitably Christian, I'd probably have been more concerned with the literal reality of Hell but, honestly, I'm a millennial. I focus on weird shit to the exclusion of all else because hey, that's more sane than watching the news and seeing the 21st century being the end-of-humanity century via war, climate change, and ecological destruction the likes of which humanity has never before known! Cheery things to focus on, not.

Anyway; loud, booming voice bellowing a greeting to the newly dead and Judged™ (I guess) me.

"Who got the job to welcome new souls to Hell and didn't think to be original with it?" I asked out loud because sometimes internal thoughts become external sentences that my brain and I do not agree on and thus happen without my informed consent.

ADHD is... Something and even dead, I've still got it apparently. Kind of feels like a problem for everyone else really. I'm used to my brand of chaos. Double RIP to the souls that aren't.

"Or did they get the job like millenia ago and got real bored trying to be original every time a soul showed up? Or is the voice automated? It's probably automated. Everything is nowadays." I rolled my eyes. "Good luck finding an actual human to talk to before the automated voice lists twelve million options and gives you way more advice and 'warnings' than you need to hear with anxiety and a hyperactive mind."

I rant, I admit that. I've already ranted. Rambled. Digressed along a seventeen year path. Waxed lyrical about Parisian sewers, so to speak. It's just what I do. ADHD brain, as we say.

Now, I don't think I did anything wrong, personally, but apparently ranting when you get dropped off to Hell and let your inner thoughts become a slew of outer words is... Grounds for direct intervention.

No, I don't know why, and no, I'm also not going to ask why. I'm banned from having contact with The Devil™ for eternity. There's an actual court document stating it. Yeah, the afterlife has a court system, I know.

Anyway, direct intervention.

"CEASE YOUR PRATTLE!"

Big, booming voice on The Devil™. A mix between very loud choral music and a heavy metal rock band concert that's figured out how to make their entire set louder than human ears can safely hear. And they're pretty close to that limit normally.

"Uh, okay," I slowly said in response to the very loud demand from a literal Fallen Angel because, well, you kind of would, wouldn't you. Except I'm not normal. Like I said, I'm a millennial and we've never been known to stay quiet when we probably should.

I blame the internet.

"But seriously, it's a valid question," I continued after a moment where The Devil™ probably thought I was cowed or terrified or something. Jokes on them, I have no self-preservation instincts to speak of and have literally not reacted to almost being ran over before.

Which... Might be how I died, actually. Hmm. Something to think about!

"Just, this is meant to be the place for damned souls and all that jazz, you'd expect the initial experience to really set up the whole thing to be more... Well, more impressive than a loud voice shouting 'Welcome to Hell'," I kept going because, again, I have the self-preservation instincts of a mantaree.

I may have done a little dramatic voice change for the 'welcome to hell' bit of my sentence but that's not really important to this story .The Devil™ wasn't impressed by it though.

"YOU ARE TRAPPED IN HELL, CAST OUT AND JUDGED BY GOD—" a lot of vitriol on that word there "—AND WILL FOREVER BE DENIED PARADISE AND YOUR FOCUS IS NOT ON YOUR SUFFERING BUT ON THE GREETING YOU RECEIVE WHEN YOU ENTER THIS PLACE?"

Okay, so, I don't think The Devil™ can sound confused the way we humans do, honestly I don't, but at the moment The Devil™ definitely sounded pretty confused to me.

"Well, yeah," I replied. I'm still confused about how The Devil™ didn't seem to understand my perspective here but, well, I can rant like the best of them and I'm very good at it when I need to explain something. "It's the principle of the matter really. You've got the whole damned-ness going on; the fire and the brimstone and the vibes are very despair-y. That's all great! Top marks there. But," I pause to make that sound where you pull air in through your teeth to sort of hiss but not hiss. You know what I mean.

"The voice isn't intimidating, it doesn't really give you anything when you show up confused or whatever. It's just loud and not even demonic or anything. Honestly, it sounds like how a greetings sign to some random town feels. Kind of just... There. It's a bit underwhelming." I paused. "A lot underwhelming."

Maybe it was the way I talked or how fast I am when I speak aloud but The Devil™ seemed more bothered by my critique than by me actually not being scared of them. Which, well, I figure us millennials can't be the only ones who focus on weird shit when there's more 'reasonable' stuff to focus on at times. Kind of figures The Devil™ would do the same. Though, in The Devil's™ defense, I guess their entire getup inspires fear and terror so they just take it as their due, so to speak.

"YOU DARE INSULT MY DOMAIN!!"

Where The Devil™ got that from, I don't know but I was not there for it. At all.

"I AM THE RULER AND ABSOLUTE OF THIS DOMAIN AND I SHALL-"

"Woah, wait a minute, I'm not insulting your domain! I'm giving a critique that you asked for tacitly by asking me so don't forget about that!"

I cut The Devil™ off mid-sentence. I literally cut The Devil™ off because, honestly, listen, I've survived a lot of shit online in my life. I have had enough of being accused of insulting something or someone when I've been giving an actual critique or criticism that was constructive. If I didn't take it off BootLickerTrumpLover99 then I sure as hell wasn't going to take it off The Devil™.

Even if The Devil™ could reduce me to metaphysical mulch.

"Like, it feels superfluous to have that voice when, I don't know, a sign would work just as well. And even if you wanted to keep the voice greeting, which, yeah works for anyone with a visual impairment, it's not creepy or demon-y or even scary sounding. It's just generic." I looked up at The Devil™ then and maybe they realised I wasn't being an ass or something. Like, honestly I wasn't. I actually really was kind of invested in this now.

Mainly because they sort of offended me by thinking I was insulting their greeting voice without at least having some constructive criticism for them.

"AND WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST?" The Devil™, the actual fucking Devil, asked me and they didn't even sound pissed.

I literally got asked my opinion by The OG Fallen Angel. This is probably why I ended up in Hell. For this reason alone. Or because I may have caused some uh… Questionable things to occur in my lifetime.

I hummed in thought, tapping my chin because I thought it'd look cool. It probably didn't. "Well, I guess you could change the pitch of the voice if you want to keep that particular greeting so it's less corporate American mall and more... The batteries have run down but the speakers are still working enough to transmit so enjoy the distortion and the accompanying nightmares it'll give you. That would work better," I said and the Devil™ actually nodded at me.

Nodded!

"You could change it to something more childish sounding complete with giggle or laughter or something equally disconcerting because of the dissonance of a child's voice announcing that you're in Hell; that'd get some people good, I think," I continued, really in the swing of it now because this, this is my jam really.

Belting out ideas whether they be for cursed fics, crack pairs or the kind of voice you could use to welcome people to Hell, it doesn't matter the context, I am very good at thinking things.

"I guess a really distorted, demonic sounding—like you hear in movies and stuff all the time because hey, being original is something Hollywood is allergic to I swear—that could work too. I don't know if it'd work for everyone or if they'd not be able to make out what was said." I blinked. "Though, that might scare some people more if it's on a loop and they have to listen to it over and over to figure out it's welcoming them to Hell. Oh, that'd be kind of evil actually." I looked at The Devil™ sort of delighted with myself for that little realisation.

"REPETITION DOES TEND TO TERRIFY MORTALS MORE THAN SINGULAR OCCURENCES, YES." The Devil™ actually agreed with me.

"Yeah, it's because our brains are wired for pattern recognition. When something is just not normal to our perception but we listen or watch it over and over, we notice the discrepancies more and more until they're all we can see and they freak us the fuck out," I explained because, well, this is also my wheelhouse.

I have a lot of jams and wheelhouses, okay.

"YOU HAVE GIVEN ME MUCH TO CONSIDER," The Devil™ said in what was probably the closest to a conversational tone they could manage. It still sounded like it'd obliterate my eardrums if I wasn't a metaphysical representation of my human form and was made of flesh and bone still.

"Oh, you're welcome then," I said because, well, what else are you meant to say to that? "If you ever want to throw some ideas or things to critique my way I'm—"

I got cut off then by a very, very loud sound that was sort of like a thousand echoes all sounding at the same time and also an orchestra and choir at full volume. It was really loud, okay, and I definitely blanked for a second or two on the metaphysical plane of existence because of it.

"RELEASE THE SOUL YOU TOOK BEFORE ITS TIME OR YOU SHALL BE CAST FURTHER FROM WHERE YOU ALREADY FELL!"

I don't know if you've ever seen The Devil™, you probably haven't, but they had that look a toddler does when they've been naughty and got caught at the last second. You know the look? Yeah, you know it. Well, that's the expression The Devil™ had on their huge form that was vaguely humanoid.

Actually, thinking about it, they probably only looked humanoid to me because I perceived them that way. Huh, that's something to think about again at 3am.

Back to that loud voice and what clearly seemed to be a kid caught being naughty.

Most people, most sane people, probably would have stayed silent there but well, we've already established I am not most people.

"Uh, what's happening right now and does it really require violence to resolve?" I asked because, well, you gotta ask that really. "Because I really don't think violence is the answer, unless it is the answer in which case can I please vacate the area before the fighting because I am definitely out-classed here?"

"COME AWAY MORTAL, YOU DO NOT BELONG IN THIS PLACE!" That very loud, clearly not The Devil™ voice said to me and, okay, I'm not stupid but I can be slow on the uptake sometimes.

Besides, no one is stupid. That's ableist as fuck and I'm not here for that.

"Wait, I thought I died? And got judged, or whatever it is that happens to assign souls where they belong or whatever," I said because I'd kind of assumed that. Though, I didn't actually remember any Judgement™ happening.

"YOU WERE STOLEN BEFORE YOU COULD BE JUDGED MORTALS FOR THE FALLEN ANGEL KNEW WELL YOU DID NOT BELONG IN THEIR REALM OF DESPAIR!"

"THEY BELONG HERE MORE THAN THEY DO IN HEAVEN!" The Devil™ argued back with the… Angel, I guess. "ALREADY THEY SPEAK OF THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS WITH GLEE!"

"Hey hey hey, we don't kinkshame okay!" I blurted out and definitely got Looks for that. Fair. "You can enjoy something just fine but if you actively use what you enjoy to hurt others without their consent, then you're an asshole. Having ideas is not the same as acting on those ideas!"

"THE MORTAL SPEAKS TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT FALLEN, LET THEM LEAVE!"

I never knew The Devil™ could look sad but, well, they kind of looked sad at that order. Rebellious but that's expected of the literal first rebel ever to rebel. Sad though…

"Hey, it's not like you can't still ask my opinion on stuff, or for some concrit, you know," I said to The Devil™ trying to literally cheer up The Devil™. Yeah, I actually did that.

"THE FALLEN WILL HAVE NO CONTACT WITH YOU MORTALS FOR THEY DO NOT BELONG IN ANY PLACE THAT HAS THE LIGHT OF THE CREATOR IN IT!"

"Isn't there a Skype or, I don't know, Spiritual MSN or something to at least send a message though?" You'd think there would be something like that in the afterlife.

Apparently not though.

"NO."

I looked at The Devil™ and, honestly, I felt pretty bad. I hadn't been judged yet so maybe I'd end up back in Hell anyway but just up and disappearing, possibly forever, when The Devil™ seemed to actually enjoy someone having some constructive criticism for them… I'll admit, I'm a sucker for that. Blame my Livejournal and Ff.net days for that.

"Well, what if I just don't go then?" I asked, "you said I'm not judged yet so why don't I just judge myself, say I belong in Hell and then we all just go on our way like nothing happened?"

"HELL IS FOR THOSE WHO DESERVE PUNISHMENT, MORTAL!" The Angel reminded me like I didn't know that already.

I might have been a shitty Catholic but I still got raised on that stuff, I know what Hell is for.

And purgatory.

"It's also for a variety of people who didn't really do anything wrong but got the short end of the religious diatribe anyway," I pointed out. The Devil™ looked strangely delighted with me. "Unless Dante was wrong about the structure of Hell in his Comedies."

"HE WAS NOT," The Devil™ helpfully added.

"ENOUGH!" The Angel bellowed. "YOU WILL COME WITH ME MORTAL, NOW!"

Okay, so, bit of advice for you. Never, I repeat, never tell someone with ADHD to do something. If you're lucky, they'll grumble and do it but, usually, you're not lucky. Because most people with ADHD also have this thing where they get really oppositional to commands. It's called Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And, well, guess what I have?

"No."

"NO!"

"NO?"

"No." I repeated. "You don't get to tell me what to do just because you're all big and Angelic and stuff."

Now, I never knew this but The Devil™ is actually capable of the exact same shit-eating-grin you read about in stories and see on TV that is absolutely the grin someone has when chaos is happening and they are here for it.

"YOU CANNOT REFUSE!"

"I just did," I retorted. "And since Free Will is a thing, you can't make me."

Now, apparently a single Angel can't, so I'm right there. And Free Will is also a thing, so another right there. But…

Well, Free Will can be superseded by The Creator if and when they feel like it. And, apparently, death can be overruled too by The Creator when you're being stubborn.

"THEN THE CREATOR SHALL TAKE YOU MORTAL, FOR YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE!"

"Consent is sexy and I am not okay with this!" I exclaimed.

"GOODBYE MORTAL," The Devil™ said to me and in the next moment, I was here.

So yeah, that's how I've ended up alive again, and yeah, I'll take a straw with my drink, thanks.

[iateyourfav]

Beastification - Chapter 5

Mr Beasts first mission with the bad batch goes as weirdly as you would expect.

The Bad Batch x Mr Beast

Tags: sfw, Crack fic, slow burn, Mr Beast AU, crack taken seriously

CW: the y/nification of Mr Beast, mentions of child abduction, braindead Mr Beast, Mr Beast talks to an invisible camera, lore breaking content, Eric Cartman, Mr Beast getting punched in the nuts

Words: 2179

Will update on Wednesdays and Sundays

... | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Read on ao3

After a little argument about Echo requesting to leave Mr Beast somewhere on an uninhabited planet and Wrecker, in response, almost knocking his soul out of his body, before being stopped by Hunter stepping between the two of them, the batch plus Mr Beast gathered on the Marauder to leave for their job.

While Echo, Tech and Hunter stayed in the cockpit of the ship, Wrecker, Omega and Mr Beast stayed in the back, talking about how he apparently shot 500,000 credits with multiple tanks, for whatever reason. The fact that Omega and Wrecker actually believed that story drove Echo further into insanity.

They were headed towards Kessel, where Mr Beast had apparently brought the child that they were supposed to rescue. Everyone seemed surprised Mr Beast even remembered the coordinates, considering his constant state of delusion. He explained on their way to the ship that he had left the kid in a cave with enough rations and water to survive a couple of days. He had left it there about two weeks ago.

He told them not to worry about the kid's condition, as he had taught the child how to hunt its own food before he left and challenged it to stay near the cave, promising a ton of money for surviving the challenge. Money he obviously didn’t have. 

„Let’s hope he didn‘t actually leave the kid to die.“ Echo commented. He uttered this same sentiment for about the seventh time now since the start of their journey. „Don‘t worry, Echo. If he sabotages the mission even in the slightest, we‘re leaving him on Kessel.“ Hunter tried to calm the former ARC trooper down.

“I don‘t think that would be a wise decision.“ Tech spoke up, while getting the Marauder ready to leave hyperspace. „He may be valuable. I have yet to analyze it in detail, but his altered thought process could proof useful to us, if not only as blackmail material against Cid.“ Hunter let his gaze wander towards the back of the ship, where Mr Beast was, once again, talking to an invisible camera about his affiliate link below, while Wrecker and Omega watched him, almost hypnotized.

“Mr Beast,“ Hunter called out, trying to move Mr‘s focus from his imaginary ad read onto him. „How easy is it to reach the kid.“

“I WOULD have normally hidden him way better, but he said he was SCARED OF THE DARK! So, I left him more towards the entrance of the cave. Additionally, THE CLOSER HE GETS TO BEING KILLED BY WILD ANIMALS, THE MORE MONEY HE GETS!!“

Nobody commented, either from not knowing how to respond, or from hoping that ignoring Mr Beast would shut him up (Echo). And it stayed this quiet, until they reached the surface of the planet. They landed not far away from the cave, which was hidden sufficiently by the trees and bushes growing near it.

They entered the cave, cautious. They didn‘t want to scare the target away, but they, of course, also considered the possibility that someone or something may have gotten to the kid faster than they did. The cave looked empty, but someone definitely had set up camp here, considering the leftover ashes from a campfire at the entrance of the cave. Hunter knelt down to the ashes, grabbing some of them, hoping to get a trace leading to the kid, while the others either looked around the entrance for clues or were on the lookout just outside the cave.

“The kid went further into the cave, probably because of a storm that happened. Wrecker, Omega, Mr Beast, you stay here. Watch out for anyone coming this way. I don‘t think we‘re the only ones looking for this kid, considering how Mr explained his ‚job‘. Tech, Echo, come with me.“ 

Wrecker didn‘t protest against spending more time with Mr Beast, even if they didn‘t really speak to each other, just being in his presence made Wrecker feel at ease.

Mr Beast sat down with Omega at the abandoned campfire while Wrecker stood a little outside the cage, facing the forest, looking for potential intruders.

“And then I LOCKED TWO STRANGERS inside a room for 100 DAYS!!! Of course, I tempted them with different things to LEAVE THE ROOM EARLY, to make them LOSE THEIR MONEY!! But they didn’t, so I had to give the money to them anyways.“ Omega looked up at Mr Beast, with sparkling eyes. „I loved that video. When are you gonna release your next one? Will I be in it?“ „I‘M CONSTANTLY RECORDING! Can‘t you tell? But I can‘t seem to reach my editor.“ His voice was laced with disappointment. Wrecker wanted to comfort him, make him feel less lonely and more accepted in the group. He was part of the squad, too, now.

Then, something ripped Wrecker away from his thoughts. A bush rustled, not too far away from them. Wrecker aimed his gun towards the origin of the noise.  „Who’s there?“ he asked, in a warning tone. Another rustle, from the opposite direction now. Omega stood up, running to Wrecker. „What was that?“ Her voice gave away the fact that she was obviously scared. She hid behind him, her head peeking out just enough to be able to still look into the forest. Another rustle, the source of the noise being the bush closest to them, this time around. With shaky hands, Omega pulled out her bow. She was so focused on Mr Beast's story just a moment ago, that she didn‘t feel ready to fight all of a sudden.

A figure stepped out behind the bush. Fully hidden behind layers of robes and a helmet, with his arms up to not get shot immediately. The robed person walked towards them, confidently, with slow steps „How‘d you get here?“ it asked. The tone of its voice suggesting a male figure beneath the layers of metal and fabric. „Could ask you the same question.“ Wrecker spit back, gun still pointed at the intruder. „What do you want here?“ he questioned. 

„I‘m here for the kid.“ the stranger replied. Wrecker pushed Omega a little more behind himself, shielding her, as if out of instinct.

“Not that kid, idiot. The one in the cave.” The stranger mocked, nodding towards the cave entrance. That’s when his tone in voice changed, from condescending to enraged. “You.”

Omega tried to follow the man’s gaze. It was clear that he was looking at something further behind her. Mr Beast. „What are you doing here.“ the stranger spit towards him.

While Wrecker and Omega looked puzzled, Mr Beast looked like someone just asked him where the milk aisle was, instead of a Bounty Hunter recognizing him in the middle of the woods.

“Are YOU one of my FANS?“ Mr Beast responded, casually. „Have YOU heard of my NEW FLAVORS for my CANDYBARS yet???? NOW FOR SALE!!“ The bounty hunters' stance got more defensive. „I thought I‘d have more time before I‘d have to deal with you.“ 

Wrecker and Omega looked at each other. What was this stranger's business with Mr Beast? „I guess I have to kill you earlier than I planned to.“ With this sentence, he reached for the gun in his holster. This enraged Wrecker. „Don‘t even try it.“ Omega aimed her bow at the stranger as well now, ready to defend Mr Beast at any cost. 

Luckily, at this moment, Hunter, Echo and Tech reappeared beside them, with the kid they were looking for, not far behind them. Now, there were five weapons pointed at the stranger.

“I know when a situation‘s not looking good for me.“ the stranger commented, before slowly stepping back and disappearing back into the woods.

“What happened here? Who was that?“ Hunter asked after lowering his gun, the question mostly directed at Mr Beast. Wrecker replied: „We don‘t know, he just suddenly appeared from the bushes. He said he was looking for the kid, too. Then he got aggressive towards Mr. Seemed to know him.“ 

Hunter turned fully towards Mr Beast now, singling him out with his question. „Who was that?“

Mr Beast stood up with the smoothest of movements, hips swaying in the process. His voice boomed through the cave. „I DON‘T know.“ he said with the brightest smile on his face, his eyes resting on Hunter, who was not sure if Mr Beast was actually looking at him or through him, with his big, empty pupils.

“Let’s just hope he won’t come back.” Omega spoke, ripping Hunter’s attention away from Mr Beast’s big blue eyes. “Right. We should get back to the ship and leave. We got the kid.” Everyone turned around to look at the child they just rescued from somewhere deep in the cave. Omega made her way towards the kid with a friendly gesture, holding out her hand to him. “What’s your name?“

“Eric Cartman.“ The very round kid answered. „He hid in the cage for approximately five days, though he seems far from showing any symptoms of malnutrition.“ Tech   stated. Cartman replied, obviously aggravated: „I‘m not fat, I‘m festively plump.“

 Beast saw an opportunity in this statement. „IF you eat THAT TREE OVER THERE, right now I WILL GIVE YOU 50,000 CREDITS !“ he offered, demanding the attention back to himself. Wrecker looked at him in adoration. He was so motivated and giving. Echo was looking into nothingness, with a thousand yard stare on his face.

Cartman now took a closer look at Mr Beast, stepping towards him. „Hey, I know you! You‘re the fucking idiot that put me in this cage!“ With his eyebrows furrowed, he leaned in closer to him „How dare you even come back here, I ate nothing but dirt for days!“

“I THOUGHT, a more PLANT BASED NUTRITION would be GOOD FOR YOU!“ Mr Beast argued, seemingly not worried about the circular kid before him wanting to hurt  him.

 „Take that back, asshole. I‘ll shove that invisible camera you’re always talking to right up your ass.“ Omega stepped in between them, trying to defuse the impending argument. „Stop it, you guys! No need to fight.“ Cartman stopped himself for a minute, putting a hand on Omega's shoulder. „The only way to fight hate, is with more hate.“ He stated, before swiftly moving Omega to the side and punching Mr Beast where the light doesn‘t reach. „YOU BETTER GET ME THAT FUCKING MONEY YOU PROMISED.“

Mr Beast fell to the floor, cowering into the fetus position. A collective groan could be heard echoing throughout the cave as the batch empathized with Mr Beast's injury.

“I don’t think he‘s gonna be able to get up any time soon.“ Hunter observed, being the first one to regain his composure. „Wrecker, carry him back.“

Wrecker froze for a moment. The thought of throwing Mr Beast over his shoulder and carrying him back all the way to the Marauder made him blush „O-Okay.“ was all he managed to respond. He tried to ban the scenarios of Mr Beast thanking him for carrying him back to ship from his head, failing miserably. He shook his head, trying to gain back a clear mind.

He picked up Mr Beast from the cave ground. He was even lighter than he expected, so frail and fragile. His face looked beautiful, the expression of pain he gained from getting punched in the balls, now exchanged for a neutral, sleeping one. He passed out from the pain, though he looked so at peace. Eyes closed, his long lashes resting on his cheeks, with his eyebrows in a neutral position and his lips slightly agape. It took Wrecker more mental strength, to take his eyes off Mr Beast's face, than he wanted to admit.

With Cartman, who was now handcuffed, to avoid him punching any more testicles, they made their way through the jungle, back to the ship.

Mr Beast was asleep the entire way back to Ord Mantell, meaning the journey back was relatively quiet. He was laying with his head on Wreckers lap, who was sitting on one of the bunks. Cartman sat in the back of the ship, still handcuffed, silent for most of the time, except when he tried to persuade Omega to free him.

Mr woke up with the ship reaching the planet's surface. His eyes fluttered open, Wrecker being the first thing in his field of vision. „What happened?“ he asked, voice much quieter than usual. „Cartman may have castrated you.“ Tech answered, who was on his way to leave the ship, eyes fixed on his datapad.

Mr Beast blushed. He was embarrassed about everyone witnessing him getting punched, so he tried to change the subject. „Did you carry me all the way back? Thank you.“ he gave Wrecker a small smile, melting his heart just a little bit more. „I-It was no problem. It‘s not like you were that heavy or anything.“ Wrecker said, trying to avoid Mr Beast's inviting gaze.

“Unlike this guy.“ Echo complained, desperately trying to shove Cartman out of the ship. „Come on, let‘s get this kid back to Cid.“

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I am sorry I am going to disagree on a couple of these.

First, it was normal for pjms to be upset about jimin not winning. I saw them calling out that k account for misguiding k army. I don't understand how calling out fans for not voting = hating on jk winning. It would have been best to ignore them and let them deal with it, instead of constantly quoting them or replying to them with "You'll jealous jk won", or "you'll hate jk won" or whatever. No, cause what do people think the response from them would be?

Secondly, why are jikookers always in pjms' business but snoozing when jjks were tagging military accounts? Didn't see any of talk against it.

Everytime pjms or anyone in the fandom says "jm didn't get xyz" and others are like oh that's jk shade, ur hating jk, u hate jk's success or whatever. Can't even talk about jimin not getting something coz apparently now that's hating jk. I am so tired of jikookers and jjks.

Can we not twist everything into hating jk. This constant inserting of jk and victimizing him is getting annoying.

Do you want to know how I see it? I think both the previous anon that I posted and you (and a bunch of similar asks that I got in the meantime) are both right. What is impossible - because of the current climate and how a fandom works - it's more difficult to see it. For now, being in the middle of it, is about taking sides. It's a ongoing fight that sees no end and fans need to choose.

What you and the other anon are doing is simply expressing your views on the situation, which are determined by the online spaces which you inhabit. And again, you're both right. I'm not trying to say there's no factual reality here and each group/person is building its own (although we do that to some degree, but it's not about that), but that the things we see on our timeline shape our perception.

If I say that it shouldn't be a competition when it comes to bullying, harassment and hate towards an artist, I'd be reminded that Jimin has it worst (trust me, I know all about it). If I do take Jimin's fans side and how they see it, then someone will come and tell me that they are saying awful things about Jungkook as well. And when it comes to shippers, in this case jikookers, they'll take a side depending on who is their actual bias or choose the easiest route if they consider themselves army. Now, where does that lead us? Nowhere, because we'd be stuck in a loop.

From where I'm sitting, it looks like everything that is happening today is the result of the mentality bred by a fandom that operates like a cult and influenced by label propaganda. BTS is seven and all are treated equal brainwashed the fans in the first stage, which was the perfect recipe for solo fans as they know it is impossible. We all do. Army is following company narrative, as always. If the main goal was for the last 6 months to focus most of their attention on the Golden project, then army will follow. They will always follow. Of course they listened to that account who tells them how to vote. Of course they listen each time an army uses the solo narrative excuse. I mean, aren't we all tired of the same 20 words used in this fandom in different variations? It is a limited vocabulary, used by armys, solos, shippers and what like. It amounts to nonsense and nothing because of it and no one listens to one another. It's complete madness. And they all talk shit and they threat these guys in the most horrible ways when ultimately, I believe that at least in some capacity, that behavior is the result of how this fandom came to be in the first place and how the company has it in its grip.

[dragonflight203]

Mass Effect 2 replay, recruiting Grunt:

-There’s a lot of autodialogue on this mission. At the start, when speaking to the wounded merc, when speaking to Kelly about Grunt…

-This is not a super interesting mission. It’s mostly just shooting your way to Okeer, then shooting your way out.

I prefer the recruitment missions for Mordin and Garrus. They have more going on then just shooting.

-There are fires everywhere on this mission. Why? Side effect of training the Blue Suns by fighting the rejected krogans?

-What’s up with all these Blue Suns related missions?

Here, de facto rulers of Mordin’s ward in Omega, Zaeed’s loyalty mission… I don’t think Eclipse or the Blood Pack get as much focus.

-Also: Why is a garden world used as garbage bin? Garden worlds are precious. This must be one since everyone’s running around without helmets. Can’t they use one of the Level 1 or Level 2 hazard worlds for trash?

-The wounded merc is posed the same way as the wounded Talons in ME3’s Omega DLC.

They’re a lot cuter.

-Wounded Merc when you meet him: I’m not telling you anything.

*Immediately tells you everything regardless of the option you pick*

-If you go neutral and don’t take the renegade interrupt, both dialogue options say the same thing. I think this is the first time I’ve seen that in ME2

-Saren bred an army of krogan. Jedore wants an army of krogan.

Is this normal? Every few years someone attempts to create a new army of krogan?

The Council should have a department dedicated to this alone.

-This is not a vanguard friendly mission. There are so many foes in locations I can’t charge to.

-Miranda, please stop dying.

-I like the tank grown krogan more than I like Grunt, to be honest. Would have loved to recruit him.

As others have mentioned, it would make a great contrast to Miranda – she’s perfect. He’s a reject. They could have some interesting conversations.

Grunt and Miranda hit many of the same beats – they’re created perfect, and have a hard time fitting into society because of it. The tank grown krogan would provide a variant; does he deserve to exist even if he isn’t good enough?

-If krogans can be grown in tanks, why does the genophage need to be cured?

A cure would be good on a personal level, obviously. But until then, create babies in tanks and raise them.

Tricky to get the resources, but avoids the whole slowly dying out issue.

-I’d like to know more about Okeer’s imprint. Apparently it got the tank-grown krogan to speak to Shepard (why?) and stay in place to continue to fight the mercenaries (again, why?).

Very convenient for the plot, but I’m curious about the imprint consisted of to cause this behavior. It obviously went beyond just training them in the essentials.

-How long has this been going on?

At least a week, since the tank grown krogan’s been alive that long. And no alarm bells were ringing in Jedore’s head that Okeer was very obviously not creating an army for her?

-Why do we get the Codex entry about the krogan’s blood rage after speaking to the tank-grown krogan? Are the failures such because they don’t have it?

-Rana is terrible about picking employers. Especially since she claims she’s trying to redeem herself.

I suppose I can excuse this one. It’s hard to think straight when you’re indoctrinated.

-Kasumi if you go neutral or paragon with Rana: She seemed nice, in that “mad scientist, ethis for sale” kind of way.

Girl isn’t wrong. Rana’s not malicious, just utterly lacking a moral compass.

-Even after taking every route with Okeer, I’m still not clear what his end goal for Grunt was.

He wants to surpass the genophage, not cure it. Curing it would provoke a nuclear response from other species; one perfect soldier will not.

Fine, got it.

Grunt will be a lance to the galaxy and it will learn to fear him.

For what? What will Grunt actually do? He’s perfect, yes. He will lead to other perfect krogan, yes. And then…?

Okeer obviously had big plans. Grunt mentions later that Okeer’s old hatreds didn’t take. But no one ever mentions what Okeer’s plans or hatreds were.

-Speaking of: Okeer repeatedly mentions Grunt will be his legacy. It’s implied he died saving Grunt.

And then Grunt completely blows off Okeer’s imprint and has zero interest in him. Okeer was definitely an ass, but it’s still a kind of tragic ending.

I think Okeer would respect him for it, though. If Grunt was strong enough to overcome the imprint, that he was truly worthy.

-Interesting dialogue if you go neutral when picking up Grunt’s tank:

Shepard: We can always use another heavy hitter.

Miranda: If he’ll even help. I doubt anyone’s ever asked for his opinion on anything.

Some sympathy from one genetically perfect created being to another, eh?

And true – if you go renegade when Grunt is woken up, he mentions that the tank never asked what he wanted. That’s his whole complex, in fact.

Normandy

-Zaeed’s an ass. I enjoy his company, right up until I want to punch him in the face. Or blow it off.

Latest story is his team had trouble with a gun nest. So someone (Zaeed?) grabbed a local girl, strapped grenades on her, and sent her to to deal with it. The grenades never went off, but the shooting stopped and they snuck by.

He thinks this is funny. I want to throw a grenade at him.

-Grunt’s essentially a blank slate of a krogan when you wake him up. Surprise, surprise, they default to violence.

His major issue is that he’s at loose ends. Okeer’s imprint didn’t take, so he has no reason for existing. He has no connections, he has no wants.

So the solution is to just kill things until he finds one, apparently.

-If you don’t go upper left paragon, you must shoot Grunt to make him stand down. Renegade interrupt, renegade dialogue option, neutral dialogue option – that just changes the wording a bit.

-If you go upper left paragon, you talk him down by offering a place and strong enemies.

This is most notable in that Shepard speaks like a krogan would. Good for them.

-No matter what, he says he’d eventually like to pit his clan against Shepard.

Potentially worrying foreshadowing there, if Wreave is the Urdnot clan leader. Maybe Grunt can kill him and take over.

[lilflowerpot]

I'm like a bloodhound that seeks worldbuilding fuel and worldbuilding fuel only— one time I was like “...the fuck is a matriarch tree” and then hours later came back out the other end, head buzzing with mycorrhizal fungi and plants that apparently have eyes. Or I'd sink so many hours just listening to YouTube videos about various mythologies (OSP in particular is a favourite haunt of mine)— I just can't help it. No wonder I zeroed in on you from the first post I saw, lol. I still can't remember what that post was about but eh.

I commend you so much for being so meticulous with the science stuff despite it not being your forte! I try sometimes but... I get lost in all the words and it's hard to focus because my brain would much rather be munching on history or something. How do you get yourself to focus??

I absolutely relate to you about thinking too much about your AU and fleshing it out a lot, I think it's impossible to be normal about your passion projects! That's just how creators are.

Fun fact, I was also the person who sent in the ask about whether the Archivist can also be the Imperial Consort! I'm gonna have a field day with LB, I can tell.

A question for you, what would be the procedure if a Galra were to pass away faraway from home in space, faraway from a planet, would their remains be preserved to be brought home and then the traditional procedures can happen? Or would the act of holding off a Galra's reunion with Sa by holding off the funeral be considered rude? Daibazaal (the home planet of the Galra) is gone, right? What are the current practices for the folk that live on the ships?

And oho, a new culture/science post coming up??? 👀👀👀👀👀 I'll definitely be looking forward to that!

— I probably need a signature of some kind, don't I

[1][2]

anon this is SUCH a mood actually

As to how I get myself to focus, I'm truly flattered that you think I have control over such a thing, but the truth of the matter is I just chase the intense serotonin high of whatever task is presently delivering it until that is no longer the case, and then I move on to the Next Fascinating Thing......... y'know, like a neurotypical person.

((this is a good part of the reason why some asks remain unanswered for a greater period of time than others, because I physically cannot force myself to craft a proper response to anything until my horrible little goblin brain deems it shiny enough))

The archivist/consort post was also you???? Damn, okay, you've really been single-handedly fueling my worldbuilding as of late haven't you asdvsvcdghsvdfk your contributions are all very much appreciated ♡

So as I said in my post on galra funeral rites, the only phenotype that culturally favours burials over cremation are the Dox, due to their major religion—Eiyyka’an—dictating that just as the jungles in which they historically made their home provided for their people in life, so should they, in exchange, provide for those jungles in death. Of course, Daibazaal is no more and the Empire extends far beyond the confines of a single planet besides, but the ultimate site wherein their body will be laid to rest is usually one of three places. The most traditional is Feyiv, as for the modern galra this has been their official homeworld for (according to my calculations regarding galra lifespans) over sixty generations, and this choice is particularly popular for aristocratic families who boast a personal plot of land that has been cultivated with the flesh of their ancestors; the most common is whichever alternative imperial planet they personally grew up on, as that would be considered the planet that they predominantly owe their flesh to as the place that sustained them in life; the least common (but not unheard of) option is one only really taken by those who spent more time in artificial colonies than not, which is to be buried in the greenhouse of said artificial colony to provide nutrients for the fresh produce.

This last one, as I'm sure you can imagine, is controversial in some circles—particularly for the Jaev who believe that the body must be delivered to Sa's embrace whole for the deceased to have any chance of triumphing in what is considered to be their final battle, thereby proving themselves as worthy of being revived as one of Her chosen—so it is of course required for Imperial colonies to make note of whether any given food (be that plant or animal) has been cultivated on galra burial sites.

This brings us neatly on to the Jaevaji Faith as the major Aalk religion, the followers of which embalm their dead by slathering them with a special clay that is then engraved with the deceased's greatest deeds, before traditionally lowering them into one of Daibazaal's great lakes of magma. Again, with Daibazaal being long gone, one could use any volcano in an Imperial territory of their choosing, usually one with some significance or tie to the family, and though this may draw out the death rites of a given individual depending on how far away they are from one of these locations, the embalming process (with a little help from a cryopod if required) does an excellent job of preserving the body for as long as is necessary. The most popular alternative, however, is simply launching the prepared body directly into the closest star, as while it's less traditional, the general feeling is that if their ancestors had this option available to them, they would have thoroughly endorsed it.

Finally, the most widespread method of disposing of the dead as popularised by both the Byal & Kyx: cremation. All imperial territories, artificial or otherwise, will have a crematorium in the vicinity—the profession itself is a highly respectable one—though these can vary from the more traditional funeral pyre, to that with which humanity is more familiar. After the body is reduced to ash, where the family chooses to disperse them is incredibly personal, and while many choose to return to Feyiv, or another Imperial planet if they deem that their home, it is equally common to simply scatter their loved one's remains out amongst the stars.

[ask-the-cosmic-duo]

A Visit to the Doctor, Part 2

True to form as Stella said, the pink nobody's presence is sensed, vaguely, as if she's masking it… She watched until needed, though looking closely, it may be possible to spot her transparent form lurking atop a nearby tree…

In this weird state, Stella was more aware than normal. After a few moments, she spotted Purple, pointing at her like a dork. "Pink mare!"

The half-transparent mare kneeling on a branch merely faces Stella, tilting her head, but doesn't say anything, merely continuing to watch. As to why she's half transparent? Magic, likely, an enchanted ring or band, probably.

"Oh," says Time Turner, following Stella's gaze to the mystery pony's location, "hello there Purple. What is the reason you are cloaked in shadow?”

"Watching and waiting to see how this plays out," The Nobody responds. "Though it seems you both have a sharp eye to spot me, despite my enchantments... A shame, really. I'd have preferred to stay hidden." She hopped out of the tree, landing deftly on the ground.

Stella seemed to not have noticed the state she was in right now, as she shrugged in response to Purple's apparent disappointment. "Well, I'm kinda stuck, and I need help. Doc is saying I can't control the void without merging Nighty back into me, but I don't wanna do that." She looked to the side, clearly not very happy about that. "She deserves to live just as much as anypony else."

Stardust raised an eyebrow beneath her hood. While it wasn't quite visible due to said hood, one could still feel it in the air, so to speak. "And you didn't think to ask one of the two Nobodies you're friends with?" She asks in a monotone voice. "The ponies made out of something very similar to void... stuff?"

"I- ..." Stella sighed. "Just call it void magic or something, I dunno. I wasn't sure if you'd be familiar with actually using that power, I guess..." She shook her head, trying to focus herself. "Are you? I really hope you are. I have no idea if Nighty knows anything, and... I'm hesitant to tell her about the alternative."

"... I'm made of something similar, if not the exact same thing. Nobodies are born from nothing, after all... In a sense, at least."

"Oh. Right." She was pretty sure the two energies were at least similar. "Then... do you think you can help?"

"I can at least attempt to, that much I can do." Stardust was pretty casual about the whole thing, not really caring one way or the other. Well, aside from Stella being her friend for a long time.

"Mmm." She turned back to the Doctor. "Think this'll work, Doc?"

"I don’t see why not," the Doctor said with a nod. "Go ahead, Purple."

The white-maned mare nodded back, taking the enchanted band off of her forehoof. She was now properly visible instead of being almost see-through, facing Stella to ask, "So what do you... exactly know of nothingness, if that makes sense?"

"Uhh..." The cosmic unicorn thought about that for a moment. She knew a bit about the void, perhaps without realizing at the time, because she apparently utilized its power to create much of her dimensional tech. But nothingness? She wasn't sure she knew much of anything about that.

"I'm not sure... All I know as fact is what you said, that nothingness and the void are at the very least similar, so any knowledge I have of it is based on that."

Stardust listened, and nodded. "Well, if you've ever been near death, and felt... something, you've probably felt, for lack of a term, nothingness."

"Weird... So that's what that was?" She continued thinking. Nothingness... The closer you are to death, the closer you are to nothingness? Perhaps she was more familiar with it than she realized. Especially when, several times before, she's...

"Interesting." She finally looked down at her hooves, only to realize something was... different.

//Yep, the thing finally finished a day or two ago, and this is getting released an entire day before the end of the poll, almost exactly. Weird how things work out, huh?

//Yeah, there's gonna be a third part. Depending on how long it ends up being, there might also be a fourth. Then, uh... probably another pause, as I need to play out what happens next. Sorry!

//Image of the Doctor is cropped. Full picture is by @arcanethunder.

//Yes, I found it, and I edited the last part to have the credit as well.

//Image of Stardust/G1 Twilight is cropped. Full image is by (at)mulepaws on Twitter.

//I'd link their Tumblr, but it doesn't seem like the blog belongs to them anymore? Either that, or they just don't post art there, but I'm confused either way.

[boozuru]

Ghostic - Haunted 2

⇠  chapter select  ⇢

(NOT JP PROOFED)

Season: Autumn

〈On the night of the same day, after finishing practice with all four of fine.〉

Tori: Hehe. Practice with all four of us is so much fun…♪

Tori: There’s been so many Halloween party preparations lately that we have just been practicing on our own, so it feels like things have gone back to normal now.

Yuzuru: You had to focus and work hard till late with the parts you got a late start with. You have an admirable fortitude.

Yuzuru: And this year’s song is just as- no, it will be even more exciting than last year’s.

Tori: Yeah. “Ghostic Treat House” - it really feels like a brand new style of song for fine, with the ES Haunted House feel and all.

Tori: If I dragged everyone down here, I wouldn’t be able to make it up for Eichi-sama…

Eichi: Fufu. If Keito wasn’t here, I’m not sure if we would be where we are now.

Eichi: I don’t believe in “one good turn deserves another”, though. But I guess he bested me and repaid a favor on his end. I’ll make sure to thank Keito later.

Yuzuru: Yes. Hats off to him.

Yuzuru: I must say however that it’s a pity we can’t put on costumes this year.

Wataru: Costumes, you say? Who would have thought that Mr. Butler here would bring up such things~?

Wataru: We dressed up last year for work. I didn’t think that you particularly enjoyed it.

Eichi: Hmm~ I didn’t know that you felt that way, Yuzuru.

Eichi: Due to security concerns, we are allowing costumes to be worn in a restricted number of locations this year. Would you have liked a more free roam access approach?

Yuzuru: Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that-

Yuzuru: I just thought that Mr. and Mrs. Himemiya would have been happy to see Young Master in his lovely costume. I was intending to take some photographs for them, just like last year.

Yuzuru: The scale for the event is much larger than last year’s “Halloween Party”. I would also rather prioritize security above all else.

Tori: That’s something that was really nice about Yumenosaki Academy~ It’s kinda rough still getting used to the adult world AND also having to have responsibility and being in the public eye. 

Tori: But on the other hand, we’ll apparently have Halloween-inspired costumes for our appearances on stage. Any number of photos taken of me like that would be totally a-OK ♪

Wataru: You’re very fan service oriented, Himegimi. Just know that I won’t lose to you!

Wataru: Halloween costumes - I’m quite thrilled to see what they’ll be like ♪

Wataru: …And in other news, we are almost at Starmony Dorm.

Wataru: I’m sure that we are all tired after today, so how about we split up and get tucked in ASAP?

Eichi: I agree. I’ll send the practice schedule for the event soon enough.

Eichi: We’ll be doing more practice to make up for the time lost for you two due to student council work. I’ll talk about it more on Hold Hands later.

Tori: Okay. I’ll check if my notification settings for my phone are okay so that I don’t miss anything.

Tori: …Wait, what? I can’t find it… I didn’t give it to you, right Yuzuru?

Yuzuru: You are correct. While you have trusted me with your wallet and other small things, your phone should be with you, Young Master.

Yuzuru: Could it be that you forgot it in the practice room…?

Tori: Uuummm… Hang on, I’ll try to remember-

Tori: Ah! Actually, I don’t think I’ve had it since we left the haunted house! I didn’t even notice since I was so excited to be with everyone after a while…!

Yuzuru: So in other words, your phone should be at the ES Haunted House?

Tori: Yeah. I think so… No, actually, it has to be so.

Tori: If I did have my phone with me after that, I would have checked social media or something. I don’t remember doing anything like that, so it has to be at the haunted house.

Yuzuru: I understand. It is quite late now, so I will retrieve your phone.

Yuzuru: You must be tired now, Young Master. Please return and prepare for bed before me.

Tori: U-um, okay. Thank you. You have to be careful too, Yuzuru.

Yuzuru: I will. I do have to say, however, that any bodily harm happening to me is a very slim chance. Regardless, I will be careful.

Yuzuru: (- Okay. Perfect timing for something annoying like this to happen.)

Yuzuru: (We will be busy with practice from today onwards, so I have to find the phone as soon as possible so I can get ample rest.)

Yuzuru: (Now that I think about it, hasn’t Young Master been too careless lately? Even leaving his phone behind like this.)

Yuzuru: (Good thing it was at least left at a haunted house that isn’t open to the public yet. The most important thing is that it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.)

Yuzuru: (And it’s so close that I’m already here. I know the floor plan, so I can get started on the search right away-)

Yuzuru: (Hm? A shadow flashed in the distance just now. This has to be…)

Mayoi: …

Yuzuru: Ayase-sama. What are you doing here?

Mayoi: Eek! No no no no…! I swear I’m not someone suspiciousss!

Mayoi: I was just on my way home from ES and was looking at this strange building…!

Yuzuru: Hmm. I don’t think of you as a suspicious person though, Ayase-sama.

Yuzuru: It’s a given that a new building materializing out of nowhere would invite interest. It is a haunted house that will be here temporarily for Halloween - the ES Haunted House. 

Mayoi: A haunted house…?

Yuzuru: Indeed. It is that season already, after all, so we are opening a special haunted house. Were you surprised?

Mayoi: I was. If that’s really the case, I’m glad. I’m relieved that I just had a silly misunderstanding.

Mayoi: This haunted house… It had a certain feel to it that just made it feel strange.

Yuzuru: Hmm. Well now that you mention it, the haunted house at night really does look unusual.

Mayoi: Erm… Well, yes, but I meant that it feels downright repulsive-

Mayoi: As though the “bad things” that are part of this very soil we stand on are unearthing themselves - the authentic mansion really makes something like that seem very possible, even if it’s a delusion your own mind creates.

Yuzuru: ?

Mayoi: Oh, uh. It’s just what silly old me thought up. There’s no deeper meaning behind anything I said!

Mayoi: S-S-S-Sorry for bothering you!

Yuzuru: Oh. And now he’s gone like the wind.

Yuzuru: Fufu. Ayase-sama may look like that, but he’s quite the scaredy cat. I thought for sure that he would be the type to like occult tales.

Yuzuru: Good thing I don’t believe in things like that. It makes late night phone retrieval trips like this much easier.

Yuzuru: Lost human souls and haunted places are the legacy of people who tried to make sense of the inexplicable happenings around them. Those things were never there to begin with.

[driedrottenflowersblog]

To be happy

This is notes from 2-hour podcast from Huberman Lab podcast, eps 98: Science-based tools for increasing happiness.

Happy or happiness here defined as a state of body. Kinda similar to what it means for being healthy, but expand the meaning "healthy". From what he said I kinda think he meant being happy means you're being mentally healthy.

Language (happy, content, joyful, delight, meaning) is not a reliable description for the state of happiness.

There is no chemicals in brain which individually responsible to the state of happiness--> though lower baseline of serotonin and dopamine usually for being in high or low mood.

Money cant buy happiness but it sure can buffer stress.

Sleep, nutrition, social interaction, purposeful work (paid/non-paid work), exercise, pet (?)

U-shaped function in life stages (x-axis) vs happiness (y-axis). --> on why in middle stage of life tend to be less happy : raising children --> peer-pressure, much higher awareness on where you are in comparison to other in that age.

Chronic smokers and alcohol consumers anticorrelated with happiness.

Natural happiness (long-term pursuit of happiness) / synthetic happiness --> synthetic happiness need some conditioning to be induced --> apparently give similar effect --> as simple as making workspace "cheerful" --> the pressure from common notion, that happiness comes from within, isnt exactly true --> environment (physical and social) DOES AFFECT happiness level. --> synthetic >< self-directed happiness

Receiving gratitude (genuine) > observing powerful exchange of gratitude from other people (movie etc) > giving gratitude (genuine) --> associated with happiness/ well-being --> its not morally false to actually be wanting this out of selfish purpose (to be happy).

"Spending money on others promote happiness" --> but if the one receiving genuinely need it.

A wondering mind is unhappy mind. --> regardless of whether the activity we were engaging not particularly enjoyable --> focus mind is "happier" state. --> wandering mind is the cause, not the effect of. --> building focus and stay present is one way to be happy --> short meditation (13 min) --> ability to focus is possible to built

Quality social connection is extremely powerful (romantic, friendship, even daily superficial connection), even as simple as recognizing familiar faces in crowds --> presence and eye contact --> consensual grooming (?) or physical touch

synthetic happiness -==- fabricated happiness

notion of option vs happiness --> when people an ongoing set of choices, it reducing happiness. --> not exactly mean when you have options--> you'll be happy but.. once you settle on one option, making other options still available --> I think he have mentioned this in his tweet but I kinda want to paraphrase it (just in the mood for paraphrasing now).. Intense cognitive work is metabolically draining And hence brain actually have limited resources Eventually synthetic or fabricated happiness is sets of dos and donts in order to preserve that mental state When we put our mind in wondering "what will happen if.." or "i can actually do… instead of the thing im doing now…", we are wasting those limited resource and become less satisfied with the choice we made. and become less happy.. So deliberately limit the other options and the thoughts about the other option --> better.

Final takeout Natural happiness : rewards after efforts Synthetic happiness : social connection --> doesnt mean fake happiness, but happiness which can be obtained through deliberate action + engaging on something

Ability to be happy = ability to focus/give attention

Personal comments

Social deprivation (I guess this is what makes me "miserable" during this years in Thailand) --< kinda normalize my introverted nature, w/o awareness of genuine relationship require mediocre friendship first. --< not trying to blame my environment, but the it does takes part (lesson for me: whenever im exposed to new environment, I should be expecting this already)

I wonder what purpose I actually have.

[almostdefinitelydying]

Look motherfucker, I don't know what planet you're living on, but on the one I'm from it is broadly considered a good idea to look at the road in front of you, so that you can see what's on it before you hit it and die, rather than off into the woods on the right. If you have peripheral vision (which admittedly some people do not, but most of them will not pass the vision test they give you at the DPS office anyway), aiming the part of your vision that can actually focus down the center or even the right side of your lane on a narrow two-lane road very easily puts poorly aimed oncoming LED beams in a place where the sheer contrast between them and the rest of the road will still affect your eyes' ability to focus, without even getting into the more reflexive responses such as squinting, flinching or steering away from the lights that have suddenly crested a backcountry hill or bridge and are now burning your retinas off.

For someone with abnormal vision like me, your excuse for "advice" is even more useless. My particular combination of strabismus and amblyopia means that my brain is only capable of controlling one eye at a time, and it heavily favors the dominant one. This happens to be my right eye, so if I am focusing on the road with it, my outwardly wandering left eye is absolutely going to be heavily affected by oncoming bright lights. When I pass a stopped cop car I even struggle with those new LED light bars reflecting in my wing mirror, which I'm definitely not deliberately focusing on! Trying to switch my focus to my left eye for more than 30 sec or so at a time both results in lower quality vision (because the eye is not capable of as strong a focus) and becomes immensely painful and difficult very quickly. inB4 "stop driving at night" this was not an issue when I got my license because headlights like these did not exist, and I should not have to uproot my lifestyle, quitting both my job and any activity occurring after 5PM that I find enjoyable, just because of a change in fashions of aftermarket parts.

Car headlights have a specific way they are supposed to be aimed to maximize the driver's view of the road without pointing directly into the eyes of oncoming traffic. A lot of these LED headlights are part of aftermarket alterations, where either the headlights are not installed with any concern to aim, or (in some cases especially with trucks) the lift kit which is installed at the same time raises the chassis so much that headlights which were previously correctly aimed are now seated so much higher that they shine much further outwards than originally intended. Major manufacturers have now started to offer similar features as factory options, but many seem to have failed at taking the exact same considerations for these designs even though that's literally their job.

To dismiss all of this with "durr hburr just look at the passenger side bar ditch instead of the road and pray, dumb fucks" is obscenely reductive and misses the entire point of the discussion. It's a very right-wing philosophy where you take a problem that clearly has systematic roots well beyond any one normal person's power to control, and blame it on a failure of individual behavior without even taking into account the multitude of edge cases that don't fit your constructed image of what a person having this problem looks like. You've shown yourself as a real jackass on this one and I'd advise having a long hard think about how this mindset is infecting your approach to anything else you come across in life.

It's funny.. now that I've actually found out why this isn't a problem here, but apparently is a major issue in the US, this particular anon just reads more and more unhinged to me. The very fact that you harbour SO. MUCH. INTENSE. RAGE. over something as arbitrary as car headlights is astounding enough in itself, but at least somewhat understandable given the answers I found.

But the absolutely bottomless pit of venom at what was a genuinely curious question and advice in good faith on my part, is downright fascinating.

Truly, peak online, I'm glad I'll never meet you irl.

Bc assflash newshole, I am legally blind without glasses. I can't see, let alone drive without them. To say I have poor night vision would be a gross understatement, and I have to be constantly followed up by both my GP and an ophthalmologist to make sure it's still within safe parameters for driving.

So don't get uppity with me like I'm some sort of eagle eyed MAGA-redneck that's physically whipping you with electrical cables...alright? It turns out that what's ACTUALLY going on isn't a lot of manufacturing bullshit (that is a problem that comes further down the line. A lot further.)

Firstly, I never suggested DON'T LOOK AT THE ROAD, my god what kind of rage induced haze are you reading comments through? What I SAID was that you can train yourself to focus on things like ROAD MARKINGS ALONG THE ROAD YOU ARE DRIVING ON, you know.. those funny white and yellow stripes that are all over the place as if they have specific purposes. Remember those? Very few of them in the woods. With enough periferal vision you'll still see the rest of the goddamn traffic too.

Secondly, the thing is that in Norway, we have things that are called -laws- that regulate how high a light can be mounted, what angles, how they're pointed and how bright it can be (etc etc). And apparently, unlike the US, we actually update and enforce these laws extremely strictly.

Dipped (low-beam) headlights;

* The car may only have two dipped headlights. These should not provide light brighter than 0.7 lux at a height of 1.10 metres, measured 25 metres in front of the lamp.

* You may use dipped headlights in combination with full-beam lights, but it is not allowed to use dipped headlights in combination with fog lamps.

* Full-beam headlights; There is no limit to the maximum allowed brightness.

This means that technically people can attach all kinds of crazy ass light rigs to their cars, just like they do in the US, but it's STILL ILLEGAL to have them on when there is oncoming traffic / you have traffic in front of you.

And living in a place where it's dark for almost 7 months every year we're goddamn POLITE ENOUGH to not going around willy nilly burning each others eyeballs out.

And it'd be funny, if it wasn't so goddamn tiring and telling, the fact that this is now the THIRD person to accuse me, a disabled, bisexual, aspec, non binary, trans man, of being both right wing (and anti-Semitic, other post). As if those terms are just thrown around to slap everyone you've ever disagreed with.

So maybe take that extreme US centrism, the aggressive arrogance and the absolutely unHINGED rudeness and stick it right up your visually impaired ass. It's not my fault that you are so singularly jaded by the aggro terfs (and commie worshippers and Nazis) that you read every single word as if it's the most personal attack to ever be uttered upon the internet. Go look in a mirror and touch some grass for chrissakes. You're embarrassing yourself.

And don't fucking send me one of these anons again either! Ya pissbaby.

[something-like-a-heart]

I just reblogged something that made me think a little bit about my personal experience of neurodivergence, that thing about how autistic characters on TV insult people, argue with the characters they’ve insulted (usually unintentionally) instead of apologising, and seem to be incredibly confident like they’ve never had to learn that people will get sick of you and abandon you at some point, once you’ve crossed a particular line in the sand through one of your behaviours, and you won’t see it coming until after they’ve done it. So you try your best not to be accidentally annoying or insulting or “too much” in any way, but it still happens and it’s your fault; when you get lonely, and people tell you that you’ll have to “be yourself” to make friends. Meanwhile, “being yourself” is what lost you these people in the first place. “Being yourself” is dangerous. Shall we say, it touched a nerve.

Anyway, it largely tracks with my experience of neurodivergence far more accurately than most of what I’ve seen in neurodivergent representation onscreen. Even when characters who read as autistic or otherwise ND on television or in the movies do cross that line, their friends will usually take them back. Meanwhile, I’ve had friends, good friends (or at least people who I thought were good friends) suddenly just cut me out of their lives for no apparent reason—at least, none that were apparent to me. Sometimes it gets back to me that they thought I was annoying, that I was too weird, that I laughed too hard or didn’t smile enough or that I had insulted them somehow (though I never really find out how, because apparently I already know what I did, which is ridiculous; I would not be asking if I actually knew what the issue is). I do my best to be polite and not show it when I’m in a state of sensory overload or I’m emotionally overwhelmed (and that last one has been harder to deal with than usual since my mother died five months ago). I try to act appropriately at all times but damn, is it HARD. And no matter how “normal” I try to act, some of my less “normal” traits always come through.

I’m extremely fidgety and always have been. It’s difficult for me to figure out when it’s actually my turn to speak in many situations, leading to me either being ignored or accidentally interrupting. I feel emotions very powerfully—the problem is that I’m not great at expressing them until they reach a point where they’re damn near unbearable. I over-explain because I’ve been misunderstood too damn many times throughout my lifetime, but people don’t listen because an explanation is considered to be little more than a poor excuse at best and passive-aggressive at worst. I’ve also been accused of passive-aggressive behaviour when attempting to take responsibility and make amends for something that I know I’ve messed up. When I’m emotionally overwhelmed or in a state of sensory overload I temporarily lose the ability to speak. I am always as precise in my words as I am able to be (again because I’ve so frequently been misunderstood) and although it’s been the source of some of my funniest jokes, I’ve also often been accused of taking things too literally; people sometimes assume that I’m actually too stupid to understand figurative language. I can be extremely blunt if I’m not careful, and I have to focus on smiling because my natural tendency is to have a very neutral expression on my face, especially when I’m in a state of hyperfocus. I misread situations badly if they don’t resemble things I’ve encountered before. And no matter how much energy I put into making myself acceptable, I never quite seem to manage it. I mean, I do my best not to be an asshole, but I just don’t, and probably can’t, perceive things from the same perspective as most people, so sometimes I get it horribly and catastrophically wrong.

This is why I don’t like playing new-to-me board or card games with people who already know the rules very well. It’s a bit too much like the most frustrating parts of my everyday life—everyone else already knows the rules, but if I make a mistake because of a rule that I didn’t know, or that I forgot because I had to absorb a lot of complex information all at once, people get mad at me and accuse me of trying to cheat.

And yet, I feel like I’m not actually allowed to claim neurodivergence. I’ve never been formally assessed or diagnosed with anything. That’s why I often tag my posts and reblogs about neurodiversity as “probably autistic”—I’ve been told by a few people who have a good reason to recognise the signs of certain types of neurodivergence that I probably am on the autistic spectrum, but without a proper diagnosis I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’m just making excuses for inexcusably immature attitudes and behaviour. Either way, I’ve gone through a significant amount of my life feeling like I have a defective brain, and I can’t help but be angry at myself sometimes for just not working the right way.

[rubysramblers]

Natalie Kanno

Age: 16

Birthday and Zodiac: April 8th; Aries

Height: 5’2

Gender: Female, she/her

Orientation: Lesbian

Occupation: Student and fast food worker by day, reluctant magical girl by night

FC and VC: Stephanie Hsu (as Joy Wang from Everything Everywhere All at Once). Transformed FC is Cure Heart from Doki Doki Pretty Cure

Notable Features: Weary eyes, a large, bright pink heart locket that completely clashes with the rest of her outfit

Abilities: The ability to transform into a magical girl; being the pink leader of her former team, her powers are of course tied to all things happiness and hope related. Her transformation typically takes about a second, but she can take longer to weaponize the energy generated by it if needed. She can fire destructive beams of pink light from her wand, and has increased strength, agility, endurance, and focus in this form. Her most powerful attacks depend on her acting and performing them as cutely as possible: The more it looks like something straight out of a shojo anime, the more powerful it will be. The fact that her powers continue to treat her like the adorable ten year old she once was cause her no end of angst and frustration.

Personality: Though in the past she was an adorable warrior of justice, Natalie has changed in the last few years into a moody, frustrated teenager. Chiefly responsible for her angst are the fact that her powers basically rely on her regressing to her youth, plus the fact that she still has her damn powers to begin with, but she still has normal teenage struggles as well. Things like school, a job, and overprotective parents only wear her down further. Frequently unable to see past her many plights and shortcomings, she closes in on herself and tends to be quite sarcastic and short with those who try to get close. She also doesn’t particularly try to hide her “secret” identity in any capacity anymore-and if someone were to bring it up as a positive point, it would just embitter her further. 

If you were able to chip away at her bitter exterior, however, you’d find some sort of goodness in there. She’s pretty good at finding unorthodox solutions to things, and overall has a glass half full mentally that gets buried by the cynicism she’s accumulated. Despite her outward looks, if someone was about to be crushed under the weight of something she would absolutely transform and help. And she would definitely assist someone at her job who’s too stubborn to admit they need help-she would just be completely silent the entire time. In a nutshell, she’s still the same girl she was before in many ways, but due to her negativity towards her powers, among other things-the angst she feels from thinking that they’re keeping her from growing up-she ends up coming off incredibly moody to most people. And considering how teenagers tend to be, not many people bother to look underneath. 

Backstory: At ten years old, the otherwise ordinary Natalie Kanno’s life was forever changed by the arrival of a fairy spirit that took the form of a talking bird. It informed her that her town-and after that, the world-would be under attack from a terrible force of evil and darkness. Vowing to stand up to it as only a child could, she and three of her friends gained the ability to transform into magical girls to fight off and defeat this threat. As the first one to take in and believe the bird, which she named Oliver (its actual name was apparently not compatible with English), she became the pink leader Witch Heart. Others followed suit with names themed after cards: Witch Spade, Witch Diamond, and Witch Queen. 

At the end of the final battle, it was up to Natalie to completely vanquish the darkness, but no matter how much she poured into her attack-coupled with how exhausted she was-she couldn’t deal the finishing blow. Until Oliver got the bright idea to have the other three pool all of their powers into her own, thereby granting her the last bit of energy she needed to finish the threat off for good. The only side effect would be that, while the others lost their ability to transform, Natalie would keep it indefinitely-but this wasn’t a bad thing, as her companion predicted smaller forces of darkness trying to swoop in and grab Earth while it was “weak”. Better for her!

But when those smaller threats finally ceased, too, she found that she still had her powers. Year after year after year. Her teenage years began, her former team members moved to different towns, she began high school, got a job, not to mention her parents finding out about her prior escapades and becoming quite overprotective…and yet she was still stuck with powers that turned her into a dainty, pink warrior that ran on hearts and cuteness. As a final nail in the coffin when it came to the fact that things were changing, but she was staying the same, Oliver lost the ability to speak and became a normal, albeit highly intelligent, bird. 

Despite the fact that she’s given up keeping her secret identity a secret, Natalie has become incredibly disillusioned by the past couple of years and has become the moody, frustrated teen you see before you right now. At least, on the surface. She wishes she could throw her locket into the river, but alas, it always finds a way to come back. Fate has other plans. Namely ones that involve screwing with her.