#but also they have never put out a title that exclusively hints at their relationship

[iwtbtsu]

‘we already got a hard launch’ ‘why do you need a hard launch’

well. to me. a hard launch is them being open about their relationship full stop without any corner of deniability. and they’ve never done that - even with title clickbaits they have never said loud and clear ‘dan and phil are dating’. and that would make them free-er than ever before. if u don’t get that what are you here for

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Foreshadowing mmm but wait I need to go back and reread hollyhock now I sincerely remember there being some part where I was like “this is prime foreshadowing material Mira def slid sth in here” but I can’t remember exactly what so off I go

LMAO Nagi putting in actual effort whenever he battles mc while chigiri and Reo are looking at each other like “there’s no way this mf doesn’t like her he never battles like this”

My exact thought fr I typed otullia out and thought “wait this name lowk looks unbalanced I don’t like the way shit ship name sounds or looks just like phonetically” SHSGSH ok as much as I love the Otoya Tullia dynamic I do agree I think keeping the four of the platonic would kinda keep that familial vibe of the group throughout the story…also them eventually dating kinda gives me those “dating within the friend group” vibes LMAO (not that it’s a problem all the time but usually means they’ll eventually sorta grow apart/kinda separate within the group from the instances I’ve seen so) but lowk I kinda vibe with her being with some from from the mc trio?? (Or ig duo since Nagi is def off limits LMFAO) idk why it sticks out to me particularly but I feel like it’d probably also be easiest to integrate without you going out of your way to create interactions (since they probably encounter reader and co enough considering nagi and reader are rivals)…ultimately up to you though ofc LOL I think it also kinda boils down to how prominent you want their relationship to be? Like if it’s something you wanna showcase more then mc trio probably gives more room to show development (kinda like Tullia and toge from pi LOL) but if it’s kinda more just something you’d hint at and then show in the epilogue then tullisagi or yuki or hiori would work (from these options i kinda vibe with tullisagi the most though)!! But lowk from the vibes I got from pi Tullia though I will say that mc duo is what my gut is feeling LMAO

Pause you should curate a listening playlist for this fr im sobbing you KNOW a story will cook when it manages to show a characters importance even if they’re dead the entire time SHSHDDK but YESS THE TITLE ATE another stroke of genius lowk I love how your titles all strike the balance between simple and complex like usually only one to two words but there’s soooo much analysis you can do abt the meaning behind them!! (Ignoring the crackier fics LMFAO those are still genius but in a diff way yk)

Your graphics slap too I’m still not over how nice the oaeu one looks too (and that epigraph you showed me LMFAOOO) but I LOVE THE SCREENCAPS we’re fr on the same page because my first thought was also “LMFAO PANGORO JUMPSCARE” but WAIT MC TRIO GROWLITHES wait the one on the right is so Reo too I think it’s the eye shape but I totally see the vision

IM SAT TWENTY FOUR ARCS GUYSSSSSSS we’re in for a ride this is gonna be fire and based off your other works I would also be surprised if every arc is just 10k (considering sae oaeu got to 7.9k too LOL) imagine the 240k increases exponentially like Karasu bfb /hj guys are we gonna hit that orv wc (jk LMAO….unless….)

EPILOGUE I’m fr getting all the exclusive tea on this I love it but WAITTT I LOVE THE TIMESKIPS??? The grave visits have me crying /sad (bonus imagine everytime she visits she leaves him pudding from their childhood) and AWEEWE everyone fulfilling their dreams I love it and reader giving up the champion status is so real and such a move like no I don’t wanna be a politician lemme live my life with my pokemon and my white haired sloth

The “(otoya?? Isagi??)” has me laughing LMAO NAGIY/N CHILDREN I’m gonna need full profiles for their kids when you decide to develop them omgggggg THE FINAL LINE GOES HARD bro gege could never I love how fleshed out the epilogue is too like we get the full picture essentially of their lives which is honestly so nice

I love stupid dumbass otoya LMAOOO the tabieita dynamic is just too peak but im crying those lighter/faded ends of karasus hair are grey hairs because of the stress he’s endured LMFAOOO Karasu going through the stages of grief three separate times only to be like “there’s no way that happened to me AGAIN”

FRRRR I feel like the pokemon fandom is one where it’s like almost always active but in a very different way than most fandoms like bllk jjk etc…probably because the content is very different LOL trust you’re reviving it with this fic

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS problem solved im crying mc is actually so chaotic when you put it that way like neither nagi or chigiri care to manage (??? Im suddenly forgetting the English word for this) other people’s bad decisions and when Reo has his moments reason just flies out the window LMAO

I SAW THAT POST I fr looked at it and was like “hah I already got the vip premier screening two asks ago sucks to suck” /j but UGHHB ROUGH AND TUMBLE YUKI ON TOP I’m just really hoping kaneshiro doesn’t sideline characters like him and even Kunigami too (although idc THAT much abt him) like a certain author does…especially since the way he kinda prepped them all for their moments way showing their backstory too like don’t drop the lore and leave like that please!!! I have faith though I don’t think kaneshiro will follow in a certain someone’s footsteps sooo

LMFAOAO wait so real if you can get through orv like that you can read anything…from the like three chapters I read I almost passed out trying to understand wtf was going on between the romanization of the names and the plot but I’m glad you were able to understand LMAOO but yes do lmk if anything’s ever really confusing (yk it’s bad when even I don’t know what I was trying to say)

People just don’t see the vision smh (or they’re just trying to project a little too hard LMAO) guys why do none of you want the cute clueless losers??? Anyways…but HAHAHA nah when in doubt just blame aiku for any ooc moments he just brings out a hidden side to the characters he’s wingmannjng for dw about it….LOL you should pull up one of those generated spin the wheel sites and use that to pick what to do

Also NOEL NOA ok the jacket unzipping thing is just kinda >>>> the whole pants thing has me laughing though because there’s no way that feels completely comfortable to wear although ig they have to to keep their bodies warm SHSHSH

- Karasu anon

AHH idk if you managed to find it or not but i shall spoil down below because i need someone to freak out w me over the ending (and also because it’s technically not a spoiler?? like if you know anything abt oda nobunaga you know how reader’s story ends)

the spoiler is in the dream that reader has of her “mother’s” death which she explains to anri!! that’s actually HER death and the man is otoya 😰 basically in actual japanese history there’s this one battle where the opposing general almost certainly would’ve beaten nobunaga’s forces but he mysteriously dies before he can reach there?? so in hollyhock the explanation is that reader sends otoya to do it…he’s initially very reluctant as he doesn’t think he can do it but reader is very very paranoid and drunk on her power so she tells him he has to and eventually he’s like “ok 👍” and vanishes but he never returns?? this makes reader go INSANE she’s like convinced that he’s betrayed her until karasu tells her oh btw your enemy is dead…and then she’s like okay so where’s otoya then?? and karasu’s like bruh idfk 😭 so she’s lowkey spiraling because she thinks otoya’s plotting on her downfall (and otoya knows EVERYTHING about her so if he betrays it’ll be awful and she, karasu, and otoya all know it) anyways then in actual history nobunaga is betrayed by one of his retainer lords who sets his castle on fire and he commits suicide in his chambers so his body is never found by the enemies and uh. well. in hollyhock land there’s only one relevant retainer lord who swore allegiance to reader and that’s yukimiya 😓 they never got over reader ruining their plans and they believe that reader’s power should be theirs so it’s yuki who sets the mansion on fire and reader kills herself in her room…as she’s bleeding out she has a vision that otoya appears and embraces her (as the man in her dream embraced her “mother”) and she asks him why he left her but he doesn’t respond and she doesn’t argue, instead just telling him he’s not allowed to do so ever again and commanding (although it’s really more begging) him to die by her side 😔 it’s never outright stated (since we’re supposed to have reader’s twisted mindset) but heavily implied by the narrative, otoya’s characterization, and also karasu, that otoya died earlier assassinating that general, which goes against his earlier goals of just doing as he pleases because he loves reader enough that he’ll die doing as she commands and literally nothing BUT death could stop him from coming back to her 😩 anyways this isn’t written because the story ends with reader’s death but as a small consolation (??) in actual history hideyoshi (who karasu is based off of) kills the lord who betrayed nobunaga so karasu does get rid of yuki, thereby avenging reader, but then he’s the only one left which is sad ☹️

OKAY back to pokémon au LMAOAOA YESSS nagi has all of these creative strategies and he’s genuinely engaged whenever he’s battling reader meanwhile chigiri and reo are giggling to themselves because this is the only time they’ve seen him put effort into anything!! SEISHIRO NAGI WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE…(a loser)

tbh i agree i also think that by making otoya and tullia romantic it also changes reader and karasu’s dynamic a bit?? idk how but it just somehow makes karasu seem like more of a love interest for some reason when he is explicitly meant to be a barou panel…def changes up the vibe of the group too so i do think we’ll have to hold off on ei/otullia (also their ship name isn’t good so that’s another sign…actually wait tullieita isn’t horrible maybe tullia’s name just has to be first in all of her ships) and yeah mc trio definitely pulls up a lot!! nagi more than the others for obvious reasons but all of them are def around much more than any characters aside from reader and co…the only reason i would hesitate to put tullia with reo is because i don’t want people being like “you always put reo with girls in your nagi fics because you hate gay people” or smth LMAOAO and tullia + chigiri give gossiping bestie vibes more than anything (you know every single reader and co + manshine trio link up is just them updating one another on the tea while reader and nagi battle) so lowkey tullisagi might be the play…tbh isagi is actually kind of relevant now that i have everything planned out so i could def have that brewing in the background!! especially because romance isn’t the main focus of the story so it’s not a big deal if it’s not front and center yk

the difference between my crack fic titles and my actual fic titles is so funny to me like wdym my blue lock masterlist has “pursuit”, “hollyhock”, and “peregrine” next to “freaky friday” and “oliver aiku’s guide to getting girls” LMAOAOA omg a pursuit playlist would kind of go crazy though tbh

that’s exactly what i was thinking ngl like if my silly crack one shots are now reaching like 8k+ words each there’s no way i’ll be able to fit entire arcs into 10k words 😭 some of the arcs are def single chapter events more than anything so those ones might be shorter but again plenty are longer…with 24 arcs though even if each arc is only one 5k word chapter a piece that’s still almost 100k words so either way this will be long 😩 LMAOO PLEASE THE ORV WORD COUNT FOR A POKÉMON X BLLK CROSSOVER WOULD BE CRAZY WORK 😱 maybe not that long but i can def see something hefty cooking up in the future

I LOVE THE EPILOGUE i think it’s so nice that everyone managed to accomplish their dreams and AGREED reader wants 0 part of being champion she just wants to sit on the couch and take naps with houndoom and nagi 😭 she did her time protecting the region it’s someone else’s turn now fr 🙂‍↕️ PLSSS YK THE NAGIY/N KIDS ARE SO CUTE my headcanon is that they have two and one of them takes reader’s aegislash as their starter and the other takes nagi’s reuniclus (since both give the vibes that they age super super slowly and they’re probably bored without getting to battle much anymore) and they literally storm through the region without any difficulty because their parents’ pokémon are literally champion level (since reader resigned instead of being beaten her team is technically undefeated in league battles)

I’M CRYING no because after the third time karasu’s deadass like “i’m not mourning for you until your literal ghost appears in front of me and tells me you’re dead 😐” someone free this man 😭💔

THAT’S EXACTLY THE TRIO’S VIBE as we know from epinagi reo does occasionally crash out (omg wait not to world build even more but maybe reo has a rival too [zantetsu] we just never see him because it’s not relevant to reader) and when he does nagi and chigiri are just like “you do you man 👌” because they cannot be bothered to give him actual advice (tbh even if they did it would not be good) honestly whenever mc trio links up with reader and co i bet reo BEGS karasu to talk to him so he can interact with someone else intellectual for a change

i do trust kaneshiro more than gege i think the nel arc just isn’t as strong as some of the others!! but also you can’t expect every single arc to be 100% perfect honestly he’s doing great w what he has so i def appreciate him…i doubt he’d drop that much lore and then just do nothing (unless it’s a naruhaya situation where he’d make it very obvious what he’s planning) so i will be patient hehe

LMAOOO okay sae nation is slowly finding the sae oaeu and it seems like people are kind of liking it so that’s good 🤩 agreed there needs to be more love for losers in the world they truly are so peak…agreed when in doubt blame aiku!! also having aiku’s perspective in the story adds a diff viewpoint which is pretty unfavorable for all of the characters so that can also add to some “ooc” energy because it’s just aiku slandering them DHSKDHSJSJ i think at one point aiku literally says sae is being ooc but then he’s like eh whatever 😭

NOEL NOA IN THAT PANEL???? OMG??? you know my fav of the masters is chris prince but i am SEEING the noel noa vision FBDJSJNSA this is reminding me of the ego fic i started where noel noa and reader have a very uhhh interesting dynamic 🤫 yeah icl the pants are silly but he looks so good unzipping the jacket that he gets a pass 😏

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 19

The plot fucking thickens.

@dovahdokren @lov3vivian @deadman-inc-bikeshop @scpdragon @wisesandwichshark

Trigger warnings: implied racism, religiously motivated violence, kidnapping

“So I heard you’re a civilian consultant for the FBI now?” Charissa said through the receiver. “That’s exciting. Are you being paid?” 

“Yeah, actually.” You sat up on the bed. “It isn’t a ton, but it’s enough to get by until I can go back to work.” 

She groaned. “Why would you want to come back to work here?”

“Well, for one,” You laughed. “I’d get to see my best friend in person.” 

“Are you sure you can’t give me just a little hint as to where you’re hiding out?” She pleaded. “No pressure, but you left your umbrella at the restaurant and it’s just been sitting in my car this whole time.” 

“Oh shit, I was wondering where that was.” You held the phone between your shoulder and your ear so you could reach for a Russian chocolate from Hannibal’s bedside table. You popped one through your lips and held it in your cheek. “Thanks dude.” 

You could hear the smirk on Charissa’s face. “So did you ever get the sommelier to call you?”

You wanted so badly to tell your best friend every juicy detail, but your acute paranoia held you back. You couldn’t risk putting making Hannibal and Will targets. But then again, it was Charissa. 

“You’d better not tell anyone about this or else I’ll sever your spine with my goddamn teeth.” You threatened. 

Your friend’s ears perked up. “Go on.” 

You looked around the room for any sign of Hannibal and to make sure Will hadn’t gotten home yet. When you knew the coast was clear, you cupped your hand over the speaker. “We totally just fucked.” 

Charissa pretended to be shocked. “Oh my god, I could have never seen that coming!” 

“But that’s not all.” You shushed her. “The guy that saved me from getting blown up, the FBI agent, I’m sleeping with him too!” 

“You slut!” She cursed, playfully. “I didn’t think you had it in you to sneak around.” 

“No, no!” You whispered. “That’s the best part! They’re into each other too. So we have, like, an agreement.” 

“Like a throuple?” 

“Not ‘like’ a throuple.” You corrected. “Just a throuple.” 

“Dayum, girl.” She said. “You truly have become the alpha female.” 

“Darling?” Hannibal called out from downstairs. He sounded worried.

“Is that him?” Charissa asked. “Are you with him right now?” 

“Okay, goodbye.” You said before abruptly ending the call. 

You descended the stairs and found him in the living room. “What’s wrong?” 

He said nothing, letting the television answer you. 

“At approximately six this evening, Evangelical pastor Calvin J. Armitage was arrested for firing the first shot in what would become a deadly shootout with the FBI.” The anchor said. “Entering the megachurch premises to ask questions about the still-open Baltimore Butcher case, Agent Crawford of the Behavioral Science Unit is on site for an exclusive interview.” 

Jack looked deeply shaken, and had blood stained all over his jacket. He drew in a deep breath before speaking. 

“Special agent Graham and I arrived at the church with the intention of asking Pastor Armitage about his relationship to Chase Mulvaney.” He began. “He was compliant to begin with, then became defensive. He then called the local police, claiming that a-” 

Jack paused, a look of slight disgust on his face for what he was about to say. 

“-A large black man posing as a federal agent was threatening him.” He finished. “He then held us at gunpoint until the police showed up. While I verified my identity to the chief, Pastor Armitage opened fire, shooting me once in the shoulder, then ran. Special Agent Graham went after him. Then both men disappeared. We believe Armitage is holding Graham hostage, but upon further inspection, we have seen no signs of either man in the church.” 

You covered your mouth with your fingertips, too afraid to acknowledge anything with words. Hannibal gently placed his hand on your leg and looked into your eyes.

"Listen to me, [F/N]." He said, desperation in his voice. "You need to tell me what you and Will figured out from the investigation, and fast. Any information at all could tell where he might have taken him."

"The Blue Ridge mountains." You answered with more certainty than was warranted. "He took Will to the mountains just like in Borrasca."

"That's over six hundred miles of land, not including altitude." Hannibal pointed out. 

You pressed your fingers to your temples in attempt to slow your thoughts. “You think I don’t know that?” 

“Please, just tell me anything about Chase that could narrow it down.” He pleaded. 

“He has a ministry.” You blurted out. “In the Blue Ridge Mountains. Something luxurious, meant for Christian women.” 

Hannibal bolted to the office to find his computer. “That’s a start. Keep going.” 

You snapped your fingers to try and kickstart your memory. “Chase is a narcissist, but not a creative one. He stole his title from NXIVM and his cult personality from Handmaid’s Tale. I think that means he doesn’t understand satire.” 

Hannibal’s fingers danced across the keyboard, filling the silent house with frantic clicking. “That also means the name of his ministry might be a thinly-veiled reference to something he doesn’t understand as well. What else?” 

You tugged at your hair. “I don’t know, how far could he have gotten in the last three hours?” 

“It doesn’t take very long to get from the city to the mountains.” Hannibal answered. “They could be anywhere by now.” 

You groaned. “We don’t have that kind of time. Hold on a minute, let me get my laptop.” 

Unsurprisingly, Chase had scrubbed the internet clean of every trace of himself. You were forced to read between the lines. You scoured every ex-fundamentalist forum you could find. You posted on every subreddit that had anything to do with evangelical ministries. You opened dozens of tabs with everything from a PDF of the Handmaid’s Tale to case files of class action lawsuits in Frederick County. 

Minutes turned into hours and the hours stacked up. You had to hit yourself in the face every time you felt yourself drifting off. 

“What are you doing?” Hannibal asked, after a particularly loud slap. 

“Trying to keep myself awake.” You said over a poorly-timed yawn. You knocked yourself against the temple a few more times. “Come on you sack of shit, wake up.” 

Hannibal snatched you by the wrist. "Stop that this instant."

"Why should I?" You said, on the verge of angry tears. "Will is probably fucking dead and it's my fault, so yeah, I'm a sack of shit."

"Don't say that." Hannibal tightened his grip on your wrist. "He's not dead and it is certainly not your fault."

"I can't sleep knowing Chase took him." You admitted. "I just can't."

Hannibal sat down next to you. He cupped your face in his hand and rolled the tears away from your cheeks.

Hannibal opened his computer. "We'll sleep in shifts. Send me everything you have so far. You'll sleep better knowing I'm looking for him."

"Fine." You said, dumping a handful of links into a document and sending it to his email. You decided to go to sleep right there on the couch with your laptop in arm's reach, so when your shift was up, you could get straight back to work. You drifted off to the ambient noises of Hannibal typing away.

You woke up to your text notification sound.

[paragonrobits]

A friend asked me to give a stab at a Tierlist Maker for Video Games Not Yet In the Video Game Hall of Fame Tier List Maker, so here's my list for it!

This is based primarily on what I considered to be overall value to gaming history as a whole, with games with greater influence or impact ranking higher than those that had less impact on those to follow, or on culture. All the entries are those that have been nominated to the Hall of Fame, but not actually inducted as of this post's writing. Games that I personally like are generally rated higher, though mostly because I'm more familiar with them and thus can judge their impact from a personal POV.

(Tier List explainations, below!)

SHOULD BE IN ALREADY

Final Fantasy: I mean seriously. How is this one not already in yet?? It is not, as my research suggests, the first true RPG; that likely goes to games like Ultima. It is certainly an incredibly influential one; FF is a name closely associated with JRPGs in general, and its diverse class system is one of the strongest things to do with it, as noted by challenges like beating the game with a party of Black Belts. FF is THE name of RPGs in general and I'm startled it hasn't made it in, though I suppose that's owing to more notable entries (Hard as that is to imagine). It doesn't hurt that the majority of my favorite FF titles are those most similar to this one, such as FF6 and FF9, in terms of approaching the general world setting and class systems. Most significantly is that this game popularized RPGs and made them accessible, in ways that previous games such as Dragon Warrior/Dragon Quest did not; the field of gaming would be VERY different without it; RPGs became VERY popular, to the extent of RPG elements being almost universal among other games in the modern day. (I am also pleased and amused to see 8-Bit Theater mentioned on the actual Wikipedia page. Now THAT'S notability!)

Sid Meir's Civilization: HEY NOW HALL OF FAME JUDGES, DON'T YOU BE MOCKING CIV, ALRIGHT. CIV IS FUCKING AWESOME. Okay, jokes aside, I'm genuinely astonished as the Civ series is considered the first true main game of the 4x series, and it shows; the entire genre centers around expansion, resource usage and diplomacying or conquering your enemies, and considering the impact of this game and its sheer popularity, to the extent of the meme of the game getting people to play for Just One More Turn, I'm a bit disappointed that it's not already in the hall of fame. I also note that I am personally more familiar with the spin off Alpha Centauri, a sci fi variant, which is still one of my all time favorite games.

Half-Life: Given this game's popularity, to the point of its release alone consigning the likes of Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines to cult classic status and its engine spawning a whole THING with GMod and the usage of physics mechanics in FPS games, one thing of note is its use of scripted sequences; at the time, an unknown in most games of the time. There may be something to be said for how the entire game is spent as Gordon Freeman, behind his eyes, possibly engendering a lack of separation between self and character that would be later emphasized in games like Bioshock. It's influence on games cannot be denied, with publications using it as a bookend between eras of gaming. One consistent element of what seems to make this game so distinctive is its approach to storytelling, without simply imitating film techniques which don't always work well with gameplay.

Candy Crush: This is an example of something I don't personally play myself, or even like very much, but I'd be remiss to dismiss it out of hand. There's no denial that phone games are one of, if not THE biggest market of games in the here in now; if now in scale, certainly in quantity. You might call it the TF2 Hat Economy theory; people aren't spending BIG bucks, but they are spending a LOT of little bucks all the time. It proves that highly accessible games that are generally free to play, with optional purchases, are a legitimate means of game business, and this certainly revolutionized how games were seen by the money-makers.

Super Smash Bros Melee: I loved this game as a kid, but truth be told i have a bit of a love-hate relationship; i REALLY dislike the competitive community that has fixated hard on this game, so any thoughts on it will have a slight element of pause beforehand. Even so, I can't forget the thrilled delight I felt watching the trailer for this game in supermarkets for the first time as a kid. at a time when getting any new games at all was a HUGE deal in my family. So, there is a lot of feeling behind this one! Ultimately, I have to concede that while i have complicated feelings about this game, its worth noting that the vast majority of things that made Smash iconic, and influenced the competitive scene AND the games inspired by Smash AND shaped the course of the series going forwards, largely owe themselves to Melee in particular. 64 was far more slow paced, while Melee began the trend towards much more fast paced action (and while I doubt it's SPECIFIC to melee as a whole, it may have been a trend for the genre from then). Melee is STILL widely played, especially on the competitive scene, and this sort of longevity always bears evidence of notability.

Goldeneye 007: I have to admit that despite being a kid in the 90s, despite someone who put most of their time into gaming, and despite being someone whose favorite system at the time was the Nintendo 64, I mostly missed out on the trend of history by honestly not being that much into this game. I have to say that I DID play it, however; I just never managed to get past the first level or so. I have strong memories of triyng and failing to sneak around a snowy lair of some description; it wouldn't be until the mid-2000s, playing Deus Ex Human Revolution, that I got the hang of stealth. All the same, personal indifference really doesn't matter much because HOLY SHIT THIS GAME HAS SOME STAYING POWER. IT HAS INFLUENCE, FRIENDORITOS. Perhaps chiefly, at the time it was made, consoles were not considered viable platforms for first person shooters; Goldeneye revised that notion, and created a whole revolution in multiplayer and shooter games. We would later see the ultimate consequence of this in games like Halo, which further revolutionized the whole genre. Ironically, the stealth attributes I was so bad at were part of what made the game so unique! It's one of those games that may not have aged well, by modern standards, but its import to gaming as a whole goes a long, long way.

Guitar Hero: I expect this one might be a bit hard to justify, but on its own, this game is INCREDIBLY innovative, though its not entirely the first of its kind, having mechanics based on earlier games. The very first entry has a respectable library of 30 songs, which is impressive considered at the time it was made, its not likely people expected it to get as far as it did; bear in mind that the massive libraries of later games were the result of years of this game series being a massive steamroller of a franchise! At the time, this one was an unknown. It has an interesting history as being a successor of sorts to an arcade exclusive, and inspiring a genre of imitators and spiritual successors on its own; of great note is the sheer impact this game had. With so many of those successors, the increased value of liscened soundtracks, and the way the game's concept became so influential, its astounding this one isn't already on the hall of fame. (It's also very fun, but fun alone doesn't make for memorability, sad to say.)

DESERVES IT AT SOME POINT

Myst - an iconic and incredibly atmospheric puzzle game, I'm genuinely surprised that I haven't heard talk about this one in some respect; it bears note as a rare game with absolutely no conflict whatsoever. I actually rank this one on par with the 7th Guest in terms of atmospheric games, though their tones could not be more different. So why do I think this game deserves it at some point? It was an incredibly immersive and beautiful game, lacking in genuine danger or threat, encouraging the player to explore and tackle the puzzles of the game. This sort of open-ended lack of peril makes it an interesting precursor towards certain flavors of sandbox games around now. It's worth noting that it was a tremendous achievement, given technical limitations of things such as the CD-Rom it was stored on, maintaining a consistent experience, as well as tying narrative reasons into those very constraints. It has been compared to an art film; if so, it certainly is the sort that invited imitators and proved to be a great technical achievement.

Portal: PORTAL! What can I honestly say that hasn't already been said by other people? The amazing integration of a physics engine into innovative puzzle solving, combined with a slow burn sort of minimalist plot reveal concerning the AI proving itself to be a kind of reverse HAL 9000? This game got a HUGE number of memes back in the day, and I expect anyone reading this can probably reference a few. The cake thing, certainly, and its relevance to matters of deception. There is much discussion over the game's utility in academic circles, which is certainly quite notable, and for my part, I'm interested by the point that at first the game gives you a lot of hints towards what you're supposed to do, gradually making it less obvious for the player you're on your own entirely, using your experience with the game to get past the puzzles from there, and its excellent game design. Ultimately though, I place this below Half Life in hall of fame urgency, because while I probably like this one more, it doesn't have the same impact on other games, per say. (That's a lot of awards for it, though. Wowza.)

Resident Evil: Is it fair to call this one the major survival horror game of its era? No, because it's apparently the FIRST, or at least the first to be called such. It's certainly up there with shaping the genre as a whole, both its immediate predecessors and modern games. The flavor of a survival horror can even be judged about whether its close to Resident Evil's style of defending yourself with limited resources vs controlled helplessness. It's also worth pointing out that I quite like the restricted, cramped setting of the mansion, rather than an expansive city; Biohazard was a real return to form, even if its something I mostly watched through funny lets plays because OH NO ITS TOO SCARY I CANT WATCH.

Asteroids: It's called the first major hit of the golden age of the arcade. I'm forced to say... yeah, it absolutely deserves it. The actual implementation and hardware of the game makes for interesting reading, and so its innovative nature ought to be noted: it lacked a soundchip at all, making use of handmade circuits wired to the board. It's reception was great, beating out Space Invaders and needing larger boxes just to hold all the money people spent on it. It also invented the notion of tracking initials on the top ten score, which has implications for arcade challenges.

Ms. Pac Man: This one consistently ranks HIGH in gaming records of its time, though there is admittedly some confusion to whether it or Donkey Kong was a better seller. Interestingly it appears to shape most of the gameplay mechanics people remember most for Pac-Man, such as the improved AI of the ghosts. It's more highly regarded than the original game, and on a personal note, I remember being a kid and seeing this arcade machine at ALL the laundry places my family usually wound up going to.

Frogger: It's placing on this list is not solely because CUTE FROG. The accessibility and wide appeal of the game bears a great deal of consideration, the flexibility of its formula, and just how many dang times it's been ported in one form or another. (And also, cute frog.) It also gets points for the creator being inspired for the game when he saw a frog trying to cross a road, hampered by the vehicles in the way, and he got out of his car and carried the frog across the street. The game is also evident of broad appeal, and some money-makers resisting it, goes back a long way; it was apparently dismissed as a kid's game by some, which just goes to show that some problems are older than quite a lot of gamers alive today.

Uncharted 2: this is one of those games where I cannot honestly say I have personal experience to draw from. Of the playstation's big games, I remember the Jak and Daxter series; I remember Kingdom Hearts, and I remember Ratchet and Clank, and I remember Infamous, but the Uncharted series remains

something of a 'I don't go here?' obscurity in my personal playbook. It does look memorable and charming from what I've seen, and one consistent element I've seen in comments about it is the cinematic nature of the game; it feels very much like a fun heist movie, based on what I have seen of it, and the notable thing is how the game FEELS cinematic.. in a literal way. As in, it combined elements of cinematography with game design, and that's no mean feat: what works for movies are unlikely to translate well to the interactive side, and it shows how that can be done for other games. The extensive praise does the game a LOT of credit!

WORTH NOMINATION AT LEAST

Angry Birds: As noted before, I'm not the biggest fan of most phone games, given that i prefer a more passive experience than most provide. As such, Angry Birds isn't something I've played as of this writing, but I have to appreciate the straightforward and simple gameplay; it reminds me a bit of the Burrito Bison game series, which I HAVE played, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume it's because Angry Birds is probably the innovation that coined that particular style of gameplay. It's an example of what made phone games profitable and worth the time of developers to work at them; its easy for casual players to get into, and there's a fun sort of impact involved. Given the popularity of phone games, this one has a LOT of influence in getting that rolling, similar to candy crush, if not as much.

FIFA International Soccer: Simulation games are a tricky business; it can be really difficult to get them right, and this game provides an example of it being done in a way that a lot of people REALLY loved, set up an entire game series, and revived the 3DO system after a very bad year. Of note, apparently it was commented that it was more of a simulator than a console game, and this is rather funny considering how simulator is its own genre nowadays! Such do things change. It seems to have been a revolutionary game and simulation; setting the shape for modern sport games of its type, and tending more towards realism (accounting for acceptable breaks in reality) than was typical of the time. This one's position is thus picked for its impact as a whole; while it may not necessarily be a household name now, the series continues on, and is popular enough that even after 20 years, it's still been going.

Elite: I nominate this game in this position for being a startlingly early entry into what we would now consider open-ended games, even with an element of exploration and trading; if one stretches definitions a bit, a precursor towards gameplay of the like scene in 4X players who strive to avoid conflict, if possible. Its technical breakthroughs are some very interesting reading and make for good game history; a vast and complex game (not just by the standards of the era, either), and opening the door for persistent world games such as World of Warcraft.

Wii Sports: A significant game, and much as how other titles mentioned above were famed for gateway entries into gaming for an unfamiliar audience, or those that would want o play on a more casual basis. It seems notable to me for being most suited as a family game, or a more casual experience of multiplayer than usually associated with games like this; this has greatly influenced Nintendo's design philosophy, and one can see elements of this all the way through the Wii U onwards. It's essentially a fliparound from Mario Party; less competitiveness, but definitely meant as a group thing. Controversy is evident, because like with Mario Party, injuries did result from it.

Call of Duty: I place this one here because, while it DOES hold a very significant role in gaming history, with countless imitators, spiritual successors, being a game-changer in ways that its modern reputation might surprise you with, ultimately it is less so than other games such as Goldeneye, Halo or Half-Life. It's development in AI pathfinding and tactics is incredibly noteworthy from a mechanical perpsective, and the sheer level of awards it won is notable. In the end this game's popularity and continuing influence means that it shouldn't be overlooked.

Metroid: You can't spell 'Metroidvania' without this game! A relatively open ended exploration-based game with further options opening as new tools were found give it an interesting vibe, and the oppressive atmosphere distinctive to the game says great things about its sound and level designs. It wasn't the first open world game, or explorer, or even the first to open new aereas based on equipment, but it had ALL of these elements in a very memorable package. (Samus Aran as a female protagonist is something I'm a bit reluctant to give it credit for, as her identity was obfuscated for most of the game, and only revealed in a fanservicey way in a secret ending. All the same, credit where it is due, I suppose!) It's music seems to endure as a mood setter, too!

Pole Position: Perhaps not the FIRST racing game, but still considered one of the most important from the golden age of gaming, and the one to codify many of the firm rules of the game series. It's three dimensional gameplay is incredibly innovative for its time, and having played it and games like it in the past, I'm struck by how smooth the whole thing feels. No wonder it was popular! It is notable for having been designed specifically as a 3d Experience, meant to execute techniques like real drivers might attempt, which makes it a different sort of beast in that it tried to do more realistic actions; in some ways, a precursor to modern trends of realism in many games, for ill or best. Ultimately I think this one is worth a nomination because of its influence towards racing games (a popular and long lived genre, to say the least) as a whole.

OUTSIDE CHANCE

Nurburgring 1: On the one hand, I feel a bit guilty putting this one so low; it is recognized as likely being the earliest racing game in history, and given that I just finished noting Pole Position's influence, it feels a bit mean to rate this one as relatively insignificant all the same. However, in terms of notability, I never even heard of this one, and it was tricky finding information about it. Accordingly, that may say something about its influence, though this position DOES make it noteworthy as the first of its kind, albeit with Pole Position refining and introducing elements that shaped the genre.

Dance Dance Revolution: It feels a bit strange, putting this one fairly low. This thing was a MONSTER back in the day; entire arcades were built around the dancing control peripherals it required, rhythm based games or mechanics specifically invoked it by name, and it was an absolute cultural touchstone for years and years. So, why place it low? Partly, its because I can't just shove EVERYTHING into the 'deserves a nomination' folder; I do think it's fairly reasonable for this one to at some point get a nomination in the future, though ultimately there's games more noteworthy on the whole. It's specific rhythm qualities continue outside of its genre, and are quite influential to gaming as a whole, though unfortunately the series seems to have lost something in notability over time; popularity is a factor, but so is the impact on other games.

NBA 2K and NBA Jam: I put these two together because they touch on similar touchstones for me, and they really did popularize basketball games back in the day. Jam in particular seems to be invoking the Big Head mode that were a big thing in games at the time, at least going from the screenshot. They were very popular and highly beloved games back in the day, though I don't know if they have much influence on later games. I note that interestingly, they take opposite approaches; 2k focuses on AI and realistic experiences, while Jam was deliberately less realistic and more actiony in its over the top gameplay.

Nokia Snake: This one really impresses me for the sheer number of releases, in various forms, it's had! Interestingly, there seems to be little consensus on the name of this game; most just call it Snake or something on that theme. I went with Nokia Snake because... mostly, it sounds funny, and that's how its done on the list. This one is fairly low, but I Have to give it credit for having hundreds of releases!

Farmville: My mom liked Facebook games, a lot. And I am certain this one was one of her main ones! I rate it fairly low, and no doubt her spirit is yelling imprecations at me across the void of time, space, and abandoned socks; all the same, this one is ranked low because of the sheer number of displeasure aimed this one's way. (And to be fair, she complained about it. A LOT.) It is thus notable for unusually negative reasons; an example of exploitation, pressuring players to pester their friends to play it in an equivalent to electronic chain mail, and microtranscations.

Tron: I'm inclined to give any game that takes place in a computer land and uses programming or mechanical terminology a free pass! Interestingly, this has some association with the Snake game, as they have similar gameplay and Snake games are sometimes called Light Cylce games, after this one. It has an interesting history; the graphical system was chosen largely because it was believed it was more likely to be achieved before the deadline.

NO BUSINESS IN THE HALL OF FAME

Mattel Football: I do feel a little mean putting anything in this category; firstly because I don't want to make actual fans of something sad, and secondly because I believe you can probably find notability anywhere you look, if you are inclined. And here is the chief difficulty with this one: I could not find any real information in this one. It has no Wikipedia page, a google search only led to undescriptive links of SALES for the game, but not any information on the game itself. Notability is my main resource for sorting these entries, and honestly? If google has nothing on you, that's a pretty poor sign. Sorry, Mattel Football, but you look like a poor man's Game And Watch. You're no Portal, Myst or Pole Position.

[salarta]

What don't you like about Lorna's characterization in X-Factor?

Thanks for asking!

I believe in transparency, so before I get into that, I want to provide a little background on the point of view I’m coming from that influences my opinions.

I was opposed to Lorna being on X-Factor when it was announced. There was already a lot of bad blood and history for me with Marvel as a result of these past few years especially. I won’t exhaustively detail all of it, but the bottom line is, I was already in a place of having a low opinion of current X-Men comics in general.

Then when it was announced she would be on X-Factor, not even as the leader but just as a team member, that immediately grated on me. She’s been buried and sidelined for so long, and now she’s not only right back on the same title yet again after 30 years - that’s a second wave fringe title - she’s not even leading it, or doing other, more meaningful things outside it simultaneously.

Then I saw the interviews by X-Factor’s writer at announcement, which immediately gave me a couple red flags. One, the writer couldn’t seem to say a single thing about Lorna besides essentially “Magneto is her dad and Havok is her ex.” Not even about trauma, of which Lorna has tons of it. Yet she had no problem acknowledging trauma as an important story point for other characters. Two, in trying to form her opinion of Lorna, she said she talked to a couple friends, one of which she said put the Lorna x Havok relationship in a “new light” for her. Meaning she was limiting her fan input just to a couple people she knows and whatever biases those two have, at the exclusion of all others.

That’s my background. Before a single issue dropped. Now let’s get to the things I have problems with since it’s started getting published.

And I do welcome people correcting me if I’m incorrect about details of the book. Being wrong happens. The only true path toward a better future for Lorna is honest assessment.

My biggest problem with X-Factor’s characterization, as a whole, is that it completely disregards important parts of her history in the way she should think and act, and instead treats her like a blank slate.

This is clearest in X-Factor #4, the issue during X of Swords where Rockslide dies. Lorna is a survivor of the Genoshan genocide. We saw how deeply that wounded her. We outright saw her experience of being hailed as a sovereign princess by the people of Genosha, followed by those same people begging Lorna, specifically, to save them. Only for Lorna to be unable to do so, and unable to handle all the death and carnage and pain around her (note these pages are in order of her experiences, not publication order).

After the Genoshan genocide, we saw how not only did she survive this, she had those moments replaying constantly in her head and all around her until the other X-Men dug her out of Genosha’s ruins.

She suffered immensely from what happened to her. So much. But by the end, after dealing with the strain and trauma for so much time, she started to settle into a role from that experience somewhere in between Xavier and Magneto - which is extremely appropriate, considering her very first appearance in comics was all about her struggling between the “good of the X-Men” and the “evil of her father’s blood flowing through her veins” (as it was incredibly simplistic at the time).

This is the Lorna that came out of her hardships with Genosha. The one who felt the weight of those deaths and took them on to a point of being ready to fight for mutant rights.

In spite of this, Marvel has been ignoring the Genoshan genocide concerning Lorna’s history for 15 years now. Refusing to acknowledge it at all, as they let Jean fight Cassandra Nova on its ruins, and let Storm act outraged about its dead, and let Axis exploit it for Red Skull while Lorna’s written as off doing something completely unrelated.

The problem noted in the paragraph above is not X-Factor’s problem alone. It’s a running problem across all of Marvel.

But where X-Factor differs and is far, far worse is that X-Factor #4 not only completely ignored this event in her history. It had her behave as if she had no concept whatsoever of death and loss, had never received the development she did from the Genoshan genocide.

For over 15 years, Lorna’s been wiped from the Genosha story even though she went through the genocide and had served at Magneto’s side (before learning she was his daughter after all) during his rule. Not once in any of that time did Marvel allow the deaths of millions crying for her specifically to save them to impact their treatment of her. It’s been as if she suddenly no longer gives a damn about them.

But one mutant she doesn’t know at all dies nearby and she has a complete breakdown, running around unable to figure out what to do with herself, getting yelled at by her father to make the prophecies come out and later on wishing she could just disappear and stop being a part of anything at all?

That is not Lorna. Or rather, maybe it could count as Lorna from the 90s before Genosha ever happened. But it is absolutely not post-Genosha Lorna, the woman who endured the pain of millions dying all around her and came out of it a woman ready to fight through that pain.

Perhaps if this story acknowledged and incorporated the Genoshan genocide, did an incredibly good job justifying her behavior through that and making it all make sense, I would feel differently. But as it stands? This is an insult to everything she’s endured.

Which gets me to my other big complaints about this book. It doesn’t ACTUALLY acknowledge anything about her history at all.

This is where fans of the book will say “Oh X-Factor acknowledged Giant-Size X-Men when she built the base” and things like that. No. The book has only vaguely hinted at that history, which is very different from truly acknowledging and using it. The few times the book does this, such “acknowledgments” last for exactly one panel, and you have to be a real hardcore Lorna fan or long-time reader to have any chance whatsoever of seeing those statements as callbacks to her past. If you’re a casual reader, Lorna’s comment to Krakoa before creating the base could just as easily be read as that Lorna and Krakoa used to date and had a really bad breakup.

I’ve been asked before what would count as acknowledging her past. So here’s an example. Instead of the vague hinting with Krakoa, Lorna could’ve explicitly said something along the lines of “Hey, remember when Storm and the others helped me launch you out into space?” That would have been enough for a casual reader to know the amazing feat she did, its importance relative to current Marvel events, AND that she has a history with major known names in the franchise. 

But as written? It’s just a silly little joke of a character who’s apparently never done anything notable or interesting “before now.”

Aside from these problems, I’m not keen on what has over time appeared to be a running theme of “Lorna is stupid” on this book. It started with this simple “joke.”

An important note: this panel is out of context. It looks worse by itself, but I have since been corrected by a reader that what happened before this was Northstar trying to charge in, Lorna trying to stop him, both getting caught in this trap, followed by Rachel’s quip. And they do have a history from before X-Factor. They were on the same team, Starjammers, in the late 00s to early 10s.

If this was the only case I had, I wouldn’t be bringing it up. It’s fine taken in isolation. There’s a question of why Lorna’s the sole target of the quip when it was Northstar’s fault, and a problem that people could easily misremember this in the future as Lorna taking the blame. But a single moment is no big deal.

But then we have the scene from X-Factor #4 above where Magneto’s written as yelling at her, putting her down for not being able to get the prophecies out. Lorna even explicitly calls it a “fitting humiliation” during that story.

And then we have the most recent issue. Where Siryn outright calls Lorna dumb as the story has her act in a way that makes her being called that appropriate.

In other words, three times now, Lorna’s been presented as the object of ridicule. As a failure who isn’t able to make plans, think ahead, or handle these stresses that come her way. In essence, it’s wiping out the development she received not just from her experiences on Genosha, but also from her time as leader of All-New X-Factor. Would YOU expect this character, as presented, to be at all capable of leading her own team some day? Or of leading people in a movement, harkening back to when she was called the Queen of Mutants both post-Genosha and when she was initially revealed and Magneto was believed to be dead?

My expectations of X-Factor before it started releasing issues were low, as stated above. But as it’s been releasing issues, it’s just been confirming my worst thoughts about Marvel and how little they think of this amazing character who’s been through so much and never receives her due.

All it’s doing is exploiting her to sell the book and promote everyone else on it. That is my straightforward assessment and opinion of the book. None of the stories or moments truly address anything Lorna’s experienced. The initial story was about Aurora, setting up Northstar as the leader, and forming the team. The Mojoworld story was about Shatterstar. X-Factor #4 was about Rockslide and his death. The latest story is about Siryn.

And it’s great for all these other characters that they’re getting all this care and attention that they often don’t get. But it doesn’t have to come at Lorna’s expense. If she’s going to be on the book, it has to actually give a damn about what she’s been through and how it’s shaped her, and openly acknowledge her too often forgotten past spanning 52 years.  

I am not saying X-Factor taken as its own thing is bad. I’m not saying it treats any of the other characters bad. I’m saying it’s bad for Lorna, and she’s better off not on it even if she doesn’t get to join the new X-Men team. 

I will end off on a bit more of a positive note for people who happen to like this book. There are a couple things I do like about it.

I like the creative usage of Lorna’s powers in building the team’s base, and in having the prophecies encoded in electromagnetic signatures. Those are an excellent way to show she can be and do other things besides “bend spoons,” and she’s not just “Magneto with boobs” as far as power usage.

I also like that the book does not have a sexism problem in its treatment Lorna. Past treatment of Lorna had this problem in a big way, as demonstrated by this awful as fuck cover from X-Men Blue.

And I partly like the very last few panels of X-Factor #4, in that Lorna gets to do some public speaking among mutant colleagues. I loathe the treatment leading up to it, and I think it could’ve been much better if it followed the vein of one of the variant covers of Lorna holding up a sword in front of an army as if urging them onward to battle as a warrior queen would. But it was still better than okay.

But those few good bits do not in any way make up for the bad as I’ve seen it in this book.

[miss-noo-na]

And Then There Were Three (Part 5)

Title: And Then There Were Three

Rating: Mature.

Warnings: Smut; rough sex, dirty talk (vulgar language this chapter), choking

Summary: After catching you with Jooheon, Changkyun becomes distant. You’re determined to find out if he’s as jealous as you think he is.

Note: See masterlist for parts 1-4!

Just as you were able to read the shifts in Jooheon’s moods, you could do the same with Changkyun, but he was less subtle about it.

There was a heat that radiated off of him when you came near, and not the kind you were used to. His tone was deep and curt when you spoke at work, though it wasn’t unusual to appear casual in your professional environment. But this was different. This read like anger.

You hadn’t had the chance to be alone with him since he walked in on you and Jooheon at the dorm. Their schedule was getting hectic again and they barely had the time to breathe, much less do anything else. 

“Do you think he’s avoiding me?” You asked Jooheon in a hushed tone as you stood at the back of the room, looking busy with accessories.

Jooheon shrugged, feigning ignorance, but when he glanced at his friend you could see his gears turning.

“If he was upset about it, I feel like he would tell us. He’s not exactly shy about his feelings.” Jooehon offered with a small, reassuring laugh. 

“Has he said anything to you?”

“Not really.”

You sighed, knowing you would have to bring it up to him eventually.

For now, you focused on your job, or at least tried to. Every day, you asked yourself if this was a mistake, if all the fun was worth the turmoil you might find yourself in if someone got too jealous. You didn’t understand why now, when he had never once expressed even a hint of it before. He made it apparent since day one that it was exclusively physical, and he didn’t even bat an eye at sharing you with his best friend and co-worker. If anyone should be okay with it, it would be him.

There was more to it than that, though. You couldn’t help but think back to what it felt like being alone with Jooheon, his care and precision, his tenderness and his words. He didn’t treat you like a thing to be discarded and it was becoming apparent that you were more than a physical fancy to him. 

He could hardly help himself sometimes. The way that Changkyun felt compelled to seduce and play with you, Jooheon often had to stop himself from being too affectionate. It was getting to the point that the others teased him about it, and that didn’t help your situation with Changkyun one bit.

The worst part was that you liked it. You blushed and felt the slightest hint of butterflies from time to time that you put a great deal of energy into squashing. Catching feelings was the last thing you needed, and you were convinced it was only because it had been so long since you felt something other than lust. Plus, there was this profound sense of guilt you had for it, like you were cheating on Changkyun somehow.

Just as you were formulating a plan for how to approach him, you received a message out of the blue. He would be alone tonight and he wanted you to come over. The abrupt and welcoming message threw you off-guard, but you happily accepted the invitation. 

When he invited you in, his cold demeanor hadn’t changed much, and you wondered what his intentions were. You were anxious, watching him put something on the TV and meander around the kitchen before coming to sit next to you. He was surprisingly relaxed,  but you could feel the invisible wall he put up, even if he didn’t realize it.

“Are we going to talk?” You asked after a few minutes of silence.

“About what?” He asked almost too quickly in response. His gaze was hard-set into you as he turned and you felt challenged. That’s when the fear started to dissipate and boil up into anger. You had nothing to be sorry for.

“You know, I don’t appreciate all this attitude you’ve been throwing at me lately.” You said sternly, and you could tell he didn’t anticipate push-back this early into the conversation.

“I’ve barely spoken to you.” He laughed, and there was something smug about it that only pushed you further. You remembered being in relationships in the past and just knowing that a fight was brewing, and this was exactly like that.

“You’ve been passive-aggressive for over a week now, will you just tell me what's wrong?” You sighed, already exasperated. You thought being in a physical relationship only meant that you could escape these kinds of conversations. Apparently not.

 He turned away and you could see his jaw tighten, like he was holding back.

“Is it about me and Jooheon?” You asked, knowing that was the only thing it could be.

He looked back again just as quickly, eyes narrowed. “Maybe it is, but what does it matter?”

Finally, something you could work with.

“You couldn’t just tell me you were jealous?”

He laughed, “Who said that?”

“Oh my God,” You rolled your eyes and reacted with your entire body. “This is exhausting, why are men such babies about everything? Just communicate like an adult, Jesus. Why are we even fighting? We’re not married, this is pointless.” You rambled, not even looking at him because you were lost in your own frustration. When you stopped, he was half-smiling at you.

“I like when you get all flustered.”

You blinked and closed your mouth, then scowled as the words sunk in. “What?”

“You’re right, there’s nothing to fight about. I got a little upset about it, so what?”

“Oh, so you’re admitting it now?”

He edged himself across the couch so he was closer to you. “Fine, you want the truth?”

“Preferably,” You nodded.

“It wasn’t anything as petty as jealousy, I don’t get jealous.”

You narrowed your eyes, unsure what to make of his response, but curious to let him continue.

“I felt something different, and I didn’t really know how to process it quite yet, so I took some time to myself to think about it.”

He reached up and ran a finger from underneath your chin across your jaw line, his eyelids hanging low. You felt your heart rate speed up and cursed yourself for it.

“And what was that?” You asked quietly.

“I felt, hmm,” He mused for a moment before grinning. “Possessive.”

You swallowed the sound that threatened to part from your lips. Instead meeting it was an inquisitive “Oh?”

“I don’t own you.” He clarified, then let his eyes drift down, “But I do, don’t I?”

It was all part of the game. Realistically, out in the waking world, you were two capable adults with independent minds and the freedom to feel and do as you pleased. But once the door closed and you were under him, you knew you would let him do almost anything. It was the dynamic you both agreed upon from the first night, letting go of your inhibitions and self-imposed restraints and letting him have the control. It was the thing you longed for, the thing that kept you coming back to him.

“I’m a rational person, so I knew I couldn’t just be upset with you over something so normal and something you have every right to do.” He explained, then his voice deepend as he leaned in closer, “But I also couldn’t help picturing all the ways I was going to make you mine again.”

That word, mine, echoed in your head. Someone else had also uttered it to you in a moment of passion recently, and it sent a shiver down your spine. You had two people who seemed to want you desperately, and while you knew logically this was dangerous, it also excited you.

“You put me through all this just to tell me something I already knew?” You asked, and he smiled. 

“Would an apology help?”

You thought about it for a moment before answering. “I think that’s fair.”

He took you swiftly by the wrist and stood up, tugging you along. You fumbled for a moment before you stood and let him lead you to his bedroom.

You barely had time to process what was happening, one minute arguing on the couch and now here he was sitting you down on the edge of the bed, leaning down and kissing you before he knelt on the floor in front of you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, his hands trailing up your bare calves, up to your knees where the bottom of your skirt stopped and rested over your thighs. He then gripped your legs and pulled them up off the ground, causing you to lose balance and fall back onto the bed with a squeak. He pushed your legs open and the skirt fell back, too, exposing what was underneath.

“I’m apologizing.”

The initial shock wore off and you felt your cheeks warm as he laid a hand over your clothed center and pressed, teasing you for a moment before slipping his fingers underneath and feeling between your folds.

“Hm, you’re already wet but I know you can do better than that.”

He gripped the fabric and pulled it hard, forcing your legs up and together to rid you of the garment. When you let them fall back on either side of him, he wasted no more time, pushing your thighs apart and ducking his head down to taste you.

A sharp moan left you without warning and your hands fell to his hair. It had been a long time since he’d done this, and you almost forgot what his tongue felt like bearing down on your clit, rolling over the flesh and sucking you into his mouth. Changkyun abandoned this stimulation to travel downward, and you gasped unexpectedly when his tongue forced its way inside you, hands pressing back on your thighs to get deeper. Your fingers gripped his locks tight as you arched back and almost couldn’t take it. 

He pulled back for a moment, mouth glistening as he observed you, a low satisfied hum emanating from his chest.

“Look at what I do to you, you’re a mess.”

You blushed and closed your eyes tightly, feeling both aroused and embarrassed, and could only moan in response.

“Turn around.”

His voice was gruff as he stood up, and you let your feet fall gently to the floor as you sat up and stared up at him in awe for a moment. He was undoing his belt, looking down at you as he licked your juices off his lips.

“You heard me.”

You quivered as you went to turn over, and as your knees hit the bed he was already yanking the skirt and the rest of your clothing off you. Suddenly you were naked, kneeling on your hands and knees and arching your hips up as you peered back over your shoulder. 

He had discarded his own clothing and took his hard cock into one hand, stepping forward and deliberately brushing it against your entrance. You mewled and pressed back, trying to let him enter you, but he resisted.

“Do you want it bad?” He asked with a smirk.

You thought about making a sarcastic remark, knowing he was enjoying playing this game with you, but instead you countered him the only way you knew would actually make a blow to him.

You reached back and pulled yourself open, biting your lower lip and giving him a wanton yet demure stare. “Yes, please.”

His eyes darkened and the smile fell away from his face, he let out a rough, low sound as he grabbed your hips and aligned his cock with you. 

“I know I’m not the only person who can turn you on,” He started before leaning forward, sinking his cock deep into you just as he grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled your head back so his lips came as close as they could to your ear, “But I’m the only person who can give it to you like this.”

With that, his hips snapped into a pounding rhythm, fucking you like only he could, hard but with intent, making you grip the sheets in your hands and your legs to tremble. This was the moment when you were his, when he made it clear you belonged to him, at least for right now, and you embraced it. You craved it.

The harder he fucked you the weaker you became, arms starting to wobble in an attempt to hold yourself up. His thrusts were unrelenting, like he had been storing up all his energy just for this moment. 

The hand that still held your hair dropped down to your shoulder and he stopped briefly to pull you up. You wavered, dazed and shaky as you fell back against his chest and his arms circled under yours. One came up to lock your throat in his hand, and the other forced itself between your thighs, slick with your arousal. You groaned and arched against him, not sure which one you liked better.

Then he started to move again, thrusting up into you steadily, burying his cock to the hilt before letting gravity pull him back out just to do it again. His fingertips found your clit and he rubbed circles around the wet, swollen flesh as his other hand tightened around your neck.

“All of this is mine,” Changkyun growled against your ear. “Your body, your pleasure, your cunt. I own this.”

He was always rough, always commanding and always made you feel like you were his, but this was different. Unlike his typical playful candor, he sounded serious. The passion and possessiveness was overwhelming, somehow equal parts terrifying and exhilarating and you didn’t even consider stopping. Instead, his consuming words rasped heavily into your ear were pushing you toward a toe-curling, full body orgasm you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to.

You felt so exposed like this, nothing to hold on to, so you reached back and dug your nails into his thighs as your pleasure mounted. 

“I can’t,” You near-sobbed, trying to tell him you couldn’t hold on anymore.”I’m-it’s too much.”

He knew, he could read your body like the back of his hand; your shallow breaths and clenching muscles, slurred words, all tell-tale signs that your end was near. 

“Don’t hold back,” He said through his teeth, “Give me what's mine. Come for me.”

You sucked in a lungful of air as your eyes slammed shut, body pulling taut, then released it all in a long moan, bowing into him, squirming in his arms as you pulsed around his cock and sank your nails deeper in his skin. As you rode the last wave, he released you, letting you fall forward onto the bed and grabbing onto your hips to pull you flush against his pelvic bone, spluttering moans against the back of your neck as he came deep inside you.

You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, collapsing face first on the bed and wrapping your arms under your head, breathing hard and dripping sweat. Changkyun managed to hold himself over you, but rested his forehead between your shoulder blades and panted against your moist skin.

He finally pulled himself from you and fell heavy on the bed next to you, and you peered up from over your arm.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, eyes glassy as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to control his pounding heart.

“For what?” 

“I kind of got out of hand there,” He rolled his head toward you and forced an awkward laugh. 

“It’s okay,” You rolled over on your side facing him, cheeks tinged with pink. “I liked it.”

The humor eased from his features as he looked at you for a long moment. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I sort of lied earlier,”

“Oh?” You gave him a curious look, though you could guess what he was going to say.

“I may have actually been a little jealous. I was just trying to save face before.”

“I mean, the way you just fucked me made that abundantly clear.”

For the first time in all the times you had been with Changkyun, he blushed.

“I didn’t want to be petty about it, I don’t know what came over me.” He looked away. “It was fine when it was the three of us, it felt more like Jooheon was just an addition to something you and I already had. But when I saw just the two of you….” He trailed off with a sigh.

You couldn’t help but smile a little bit, it was nice to see him vulnerable for once. 

“How did it happen?” He asked suddenly, looking back at you with a sense of urgency, to your surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean did you call him? Did he call you? I’m curious.” He said, trying to seem vaguely interested but you already knew it was more than that. You decided to humor him.

“I came over to talk to him. He had been acting distant, as you recall, and I wanted to know why.” You answered with a half shrug.

“Why was he distant?”

“Same reason you were. Feeling a little jealous and being too proud to just talk to me about it.” You smiled and he had a laugh at himself.

“This is going to sound weird, and probably selfish, but..” He faded out, waiting to continue. 

“But?” You encouraged.

“What does he have that I don’t? I mean, what does he do, that makes you want to be with him?”

You hadn’t expected that question, but it did seem natural now that he asked it. His ego was hurt, he was used to being the one who satisfied you, the one you came running to for your urges. 

“It’s...different with him. Not necessarily better, just different.” You tried to explain.

“Care to elaborate?” He asked, becoming visibly antsy to find out.

“I don’t know, he’s ...tender.” You struggled to find the words. “It’s not rough but it's passionate. And it’s not boring, but it's kind of soft and makes me feel precious.”

Changkyun’s face looked troubled as you spoke. “That makes sense.”

“Like I said, it’s not better. I like what you and I have, but sometimes I just want-”

“You want to feel loved.”

You blinked at him in surprise. The word love was troublesome to you. You had thought you were in love, once. It was foolish and naive and ended terribly, so you decided you would avoid those feelings if at all possible. But maybe he was right? Maybe you missed that feeling. But that didn’t mean you were in love, or that Jooheon-

“Jooheon is in love with you.” He spoke bluntly, cutting off your thoughts. Now your eyes widened even more and you spluttered out a laugh. “What? No…”

“He hasn’t told me or anything, but I can tell.”

You couldn’t believe that at all. Maybe he had a crush on you, but love?

“The problem is,” Changkyun reached out and pushed a stray piece of hair away from your eyes.

 “I think I might be, too.”

[myforeverforlife]

caught in your orbit.

Byun Baekhyun, a name synonymous with success. His fame skyrocketed during his early days as an actor and model, and it seemed like his new venture into fashion design was taking him even higher. You’ve worked with Baekhyun for years, accompanying him to shoots and using his face as a canvas for your makeup. You’re no stranger to Baekhyun’s flirtatious advances, but as much as you’d like to give in, something holds you back...

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Word Count: 3,952

Masterlist

It was easy to be swept up in the modeling industry, where each face seemed even more beautiful than the last. But you've always been intensely career-driven, and you were determined not to let anything distract you from your work. 

However, it was hard when former model/actor turned creative director for fashion brand Privé was sitting in your makeup chair. It never failed to amaze you how Byun Baekhyun easily drew people into his orbit, everyone attracted to the shine and brilliance that he emanated. 

And you were one of them — a moth drawn to a luminous flame.

Baekhyun's soft locks fell over his forehead, styled messily in a way to suggest a carefree look. "How long has it been since we worked together? I haven't seen you in forever." He opened his eyes, staring up at you with a fond smile. 

“We saw each other at the TirTir shoot two days ago, Baekhyun. Now, stop talking. You’re going to ruin my work,” you chastised him as you hurried to salvage the crooked smudge of shadow drawn along his lashes. You were in the midst of giving him the illusion of thicker eyelashes without the harshness of regular eyeliner. In fact, for this shoot, you were forgoing it altogether.  

Dutiful as ever, Baekhyun shut his mouth, although you could see the corners of his lips twitching as he struggled to remain still. The two of you had built up a playful friendship over the years, a light game of cat-and-mouse going back and forth. For every joke, every mischievous nudge in your direction, you were easily able to match him with one of your own. Of course, Baekhyun had been a canvas for other makeup artists to work on, but none of them came close to you. He admired your work so much, that he had asked you to work exclusively for him, a constant part of his team. You often spent long, exhausting hours following him around to events and schedules, but you took pride in your work, and you genuinely enjoyed being around Baekhyun.

Maybe a bit too much. 

As you finished smudging the eyeshadow at the base of his lashes, you took a step back. Today’s shoot called for a natural, laid-back kind of look. Baekhyun was honored to be chosen as the model for the front cover of Lined magazine, along with a 5-page story on his career. The emphasis of this spread was to highlight Baekhyun's achievements — all while managing to stay humble and innovative. As a result, the creative team had selected outfits with muted colors like beige and rich navy blue, all to highlight the star of the month's issue.

You had done your best to complement these outfit choices, choosing to keep eye makeup to a minimum with only eyeshadow along the top lashline. The rest of Baekhyun’s face had been kept minimal as well. Since his skin was already maddeningly clear, you had chosen to skip his regular cushion foundation and used only concealer for any touch-ups. His cheeks were dusted with a faint flush of a pale peachy color, and you had put a bit of highlighter atop the blush. The highlighter wasn’t the shimmery type that you usually used. Instead, you opted for a cream highlighter that gave Baekhyun’s face a soft glow, seeming to hint at a natural radiance that came from within. A delicate tinted balm was the only thing to coat his lips, and you had scattered faint freckles over his cheekbones as a finishing touch. 

Baekhyun opened his eyes as you turned to look at his face in the mirror. He grinned as your eyes traced over his features, studying your work and looking for anything else that needed to be done. "Like what you see?" he asked, a soft purr. 

"Maybe peach is the wrong color," you mused, ignoring his obvious attempt at flirting.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, letting out a soft laugh. "Even when you're looking at me, you're not really looking at me." 

"I am," you countered. Deft fingers pulled out another blush palette, searching through assorted colors before selecting a slightly orange-brown shade. "It's my job to stare at you for hours on end, Baekhyun." 

"You know what I mean." He stared up at your face as you colored his cheeks subtly with the new color. "Not as part of your work, but just me. Just Baekhyun." He licked his lips nervously, eyes darting away and back before speaking again.  "I want you to look at me the way that I look at you," he added quietly. 

You paused, brush held up in the air before you sighed. "You're my boss. And as if that wasn't enough, you're Byun Baekhyun. South Korea's beloved jewel, one of the most recognizable faces." Placing the makeup brush down, you snapped the blush palette closed with a tiny click. 

"So you've never thought of me in that way?"

"What way?"

Baekhyun groaned. "Don't play dumb, Y/N. You know what I mean." 

As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. It would take a fool to ignore how all of Baekhyun's actions, his sweet words directed towards you were unlike any that he gave to everyone else. For you, he saved only the most charming of smiles, the most melodious sounds of his lilting laughter. You had entertained the thought a few times — the thought of dating the genius model and fashion trendsetter, Byun Baekhyun. But every time, you pushed those thoughts away. Even if you did feel the same way, there was no way that it would work out. 

"Baekhyun." You glanced at the clock, eyes widening as you realized that he needed to be out in the studio in the next few minutes. "I can't."

"Why?"

You raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Because I work for you. I'm just another staff member, another person supporting you from behind the scenes. I'm not like you, Baekhyun. You... you're dazzling, and easy to be around, and I love coming to work because you bring so much energy, but it would never work out. It's safer in the long run to just keep work and dating separate."

Baekhyun watched, wide-eyed during your impassioned rant. "Why can't you have both? Why does this have to end with us getting hurt?"

You opened your mouth to speak just as the door opened, Baekhyun's manager popping his head in. "You need to be out there, now," he emphasized. 

Baekhyun glanced between you and his manager, torn between duty and what he wanted to do. A weak smile found its way onto your face. "Go. I'll be out there in a bit." 

He hesitated, concern hiding in the depths of his eyes before he remembered where he was, and what he needed to do. With a parting nod, Baekhyun tore himself away, his shoes tapping softly against the floor as he headed out to where the rest of the crew was set up. 

Left alone in the small room, you turned to stare at your reflection in the mirror. You had worked hard to get to where you were, doing makeup for one of the biggest celebrities in South Korea. But you had seen and heard enough of the world of fame to realize that you wanted as little to do with it as possible. 

Baekhyun, on the other hand, thrived in it. He was shy around new people, but his genuine friendliness and ease of character won everyone over in all circles. It was terrifying to think of being thrust into that same world when you were so used to just being one of the many working behind the scenes. Plus, if your relationship fell through, nothing would ever be the same at work again. It hurt to even imagine the loss of Baekhyun's smiles as he talked to you, his boisterous laughter filling up the room. What would you do if that was all gone? You were scared of falling even deeper for him, but you were even more scared about losing what you already had. 

You frowned at your reflection, frustrated with the person you saw in there. It would be so much easier if you weren't attracted to him. But, another voice reasoned, your life wouldn't be nearly as bright without him in it. 

It was a fine line that you held, always teetering on the edge of professionalism and something more. But Baekhyun made you curious to cross that line, to see what lay ahead in the future even if it scared you. 

Running a hand through your hair, you gathered up your materials, ready to join the rest of the staff for Baekhyun's photoshoot. 

He was a star at the center of everything, and you had no choice but to fall into his orbit.

Thankfully, your schedule was clear the next day. But that didn't mean that Baekhyun hadn't tried to contact you, sending a few texts that remained unread. You had bolted out of the photoshoot as soon as you could, unwilling to pick up where you left off, especially in front of many other watchful eyes. 

The day after threw you right back into the lion's den.

This was the biggest project that Baekhyun had taken on so far, a new launch by Privé titled "Delight". The pieces were unlike anything else that the brand had created, straying from the comfy-casual look that the "Be Humble" line had. It was as if this line was crafted with the sole purpose to torture you, plans for Privé to launch more mature, sleek clothing. 

That also meant that Baekhyun would be modeling these pieces beforehand, pictures of outfit combinations running through your mind as you stepped into work. 

Baekhyun was already sitting in a chair, the hairstylist working her magic on him as she parted his hair to the side and set it in place. Much to your distress, he wore a dark, velvet jacket with nothing underneath. A delicate gold necklace rested on his chest, a few rings adorning his fingers. Baekhyun glanced up as he heard you approach, his face lighting up. "Good morning."

"Good morning," you replied, only sparing him a polite smile before leaving to consult with the rest of the staff. You could feel him staring, following along as you moved around. 

Soon enough, the hairstylist was done with her part, and all that was left was to get his makeup done. To your surprise, Baekhyun made no mention of your conversation. He waited patiently, going along with every request that you made for him to lift his chin, close his eyes, and so on. Even stranger was the silence in the room, only interrupted by the music playing from Baekhyun's phone and the bustling of people coming in and out. It was only when you let Baekhyun know you were done, did he finally speak up. 

He studied his face in the mirror, fingers running lightly over the rosy blush that you had used on his cheeks. His eyes shifted to yours, radiating warmth. "It's beautiful, thank you."

"Of course it's beautiful, it's your face." Baekhyun's expression fell, and he spun around in his chair to meet you face-to-face. "You can't say these sweet things and then push me away all the time," he pouted. 

"I'm sorry," you apologized quickly, an immediate response.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun stood up. "I don't want you to apologize, I want you to explain why you keep running. What scares you so much?"

"Baekhyun, please. Not here." You glanced over at the open door, a staff member walking past as they called out to someone else. "Let's talk about this later."

"Promise? You're not going to hide from me like last time?" 

The idea was tempting, but you also knew that you owed it to both you and Baekhyun to finally get this out and into the open. No matter how much it hurt. Nodding, you reached up to brush off a stray eyelash on his cheek. "I promise."

Baekhyun's tense shoulders loosened up, his hand chasing after yours and closing over it in a comforting warmth. "Okay," he breathed out. "Later, then."

Watching Baekhyun as he stood in front of the camera was mesmerizing, always drawing you in as if you were seeing him for the first time. Even as he lay on the floor, a hand over his exposed chest as he stared into the camera, you couldn't bear to look away. The camera lights flashed as he brought his fingers lazily up his chest, stopping at his lips. He smirked as he glanced back up to the camera, eyes hooded in the look that you recognized all too well. 

"My fatal look, able to win over people of all ages," he had explained to you once as you touched up his makeup. 

He wasn't wrong. A few of the staff oohed and aahed in appreciation, just as starstruck by his beauty. You went over next to the monitors, watching as the shots of Baekhyun flooded the screen — his eyes seeming to look directly into your own. 

The next series of shots had Baekhyun leaning against a wall, fingers tracing over the rim of a glass as he stared off into the distance. He truly was a genius model, shifting positions so that his chin rested in his hand, to letting the shadows cover part of his face as he leaned a certain way. Every time the photographer paused long enough for you to touch up Baekhyun's makeup, a wide grin appeared on the model's face. 

"You're going to smudge your lipstick if you keep touching your lips like that," you chastised gently as you leaned forward to fix it.

Baekhyun immediately clasped his hands together behind his back. "Yes, ma'am."

That brought a giggle out of you, much to Baekhyun's delight. 

The rest of the shoot followed in a similar fashion, Baekhyun taking your breath away as he posed in various outfits, and then making you burst into laughter as he joked around with you and the rest of the staff. It was a familiar routine, something you had experienced many times, but it still didn't lose its charm. Yet at the same time, it only fed your growing worries. What if you did try to make this work between you and Baekhyun, but it ended horribly? You'd be so uncomfortable around him, it would be unbearable. You were comfortable in this space where Baekhyun was both attainable, and yet out of reach. At least here, you could adore him without fear of losing him. 

You sighed as Baekhyun posed in his last outfit for the day, a cream-colored top with some purple pants — not a fashion choice you personally would've made. And yet, he still managed to pull it off effortlessly. He sat on the floor, knees bent as he leaned his elbows against the top. His lips were a shiny, glossy pink, only emphasizing the natural pout to his lips. Once, he accidentally licked his lips, face contorting into a look of shock and disgust at the bitter taste. You laughed as you helped him, giving him a napkin to wipe his mouth with before reapplying his lip gloss.

Finally, after many hours and multiple outfit changes, he was done! Everyone cheered as it was announced that the shoot was over, Baekhyun going around and thanking everyone for their work and commitment. You headed back to the dressing room first, nervous for what you knew was yet to come.

Baekhyun followed along shortly after, darting into the empty room as you were in the midst of cleaning up. "Hey," he murmured.  You sank down in a chair, shoulders slumping as you tried to calm the racing in your chest. "Baekhyun, I like you. You know I do. But it's not that easy, especially because it's you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Groaning, you bit down on your bottom lip as you tried to figure out how to phrase your thoughts. "You're a star, Baekhyun. I'm not. We only see each other during work, and that's it. What if we're just too different? What if this doesn't work out?" You raised a finger as Baekhyun opened his mouth to speak. "And don't say that we won't, because you don't know that."

"But why are you so convinced that it will?" He came closer, eyes blazing as he stared down at you. "There's nothing that I've seen that convinces me this'll end in a breakup. You care about me, and I care about you. That's the only thing that matters." 

"It's not that easy, Baekhyun. I," here you paused, nervous about what you were about to say. "I love getting to be a part of your day, to see you light up and be in your element. I can't imagine not coming into work and seeing you there. I can't imagine a life without you. But I'm so scared that things will end badly, and that all of this will be taken away — that it'll just be too awkward for us and that we'll lose what we have now." You felt the stinging of tears in your eyes, hands coming up to wipe at them roughly as you stood and looked around for some spare tissues.

Baekhyun came over, wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape. "But what if there's something better ahead?" he asked softly. "We won't know unless we try." His lips curved into a sad smile as you stood there, eyes still closed and unwilling to look at him. "Y/N. Look at me, please."

Who were you to refuse him? 

Slowly, you opened your eyes, heart tightening as you saw how Baekhyun stared at you so lovingly, so tenderly. 

"I like you. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. And I care about you enough to say that I want to try this. I'm not that naive to believe that everything will be smooth from here on out, but I still want to try because at least I'll be with you. Not as your boss, or Byun Baekhyun... just yours. Your Baekhyun." One of his hands moved to caress your cheek, and you took pleasure in the way that your face fit perfectly in his hold. "We can go as slowly as you want, just... don't run away before anything's even started. Be brave with me, Y/N."

It was easier said than done, but coming from Baekhyun, you found the walls surrounding your heart start to weaken and crumble down. He was right in his own way — how would you know for sure unless you took that leap of faith? Besides, you would have Baekhyun by your side, strong, supportive Baekhyun who never let you down.

"Okay," you agreed, letting out a breathy laugh as Baekhyun's eyes grew wide with surprise. "I mean it. I'll be brave with you, Baekhyun." You reached up to poke the tiny mole resting beside his upper lip, one of the features that you liked best on him. "You're mine now," you said, relishing in the fact that you were the only one in the world who could say those words.

"And you're mine." Baekhyun leaned in to kiss the top of your forehead, completely forgetting about his lip gloss until he pulled away and saw the smear of pink covering your skin. "Oh no," he gasped, a hand coming up to cover his mouth. 

You looked in the mirror, bursting into giggles when you saw the mess on your face. Immediately, you retaliated by swiping the lipgloss from Baekhyun's face, drawing a faint line that nearly reached his cheek. While you had been expecting to laugh at how ridiculous he looked, you were shocked to find that he still managed to look good. Too good...

"What?" Baekhyun glanced in the mirror, staring at the smudged lipgloss caressing his bottom lip. "Oh," he breathed out, turning back to you. A slow, teasing smile grew on his face as he reached up with one hand. You watched, unable to look away as he rubbed the back of his hand against his lips, only dragging the shimmering gloss further across his face. 

With a quick intake of breath, you forced out a shaky laugh. "You make me want to kiss you when you do things like that," you blurted out, barely realizing what you had said after the words left your mouth.

Baekhyun blinked in surprise, a lopsided smile pulling at his lips. "Then do it." 

You didn't need any more prompting, almost knocking into him as you leaned up to kiss him. It might not have been the best kiss ever because of the tacky, sticky lip gloss, but the fact that it was Baekhyun you were kissing more than made up for it.

Baekhyun melted against you, hands pulling you close and tightening in the hem of your shirt. He gasped as you nipped softly at his bottom lip, no longer caring about getting lip gloss all over you. 

A loud thud from out in the open studio startled both of you apart, you and Baekhyun having completely forgotten where you were. 

Baekhyun quickly looked over his shoulder, sighing in relief when he saw no one there. He turned back to you with a bashful smile, his already rosy cheeks taking on an even pinker shade. He placed his hands on his cheeks, laughing at how warm his face was.  "As pretty as you made me look today, I need to get out of this makeup. My skin's dying here." 

You had cleansing water and cotton rounds on hand after every shoot, already used to Baekhyun's discomfort of staying in makeup for too long. He drenched another cotton round in the liquid as you began erasing the makeup on his face. 

"I know it's been a long day, but do you want to grab dinner together?" He looked up at you from underneath his lashes, biting down on his lip as he waited for your answer. 

"I'd like that," you replied, carefully wiping away the rest of his lipgloss. "Just as long as we're not out too late. We have another busy day tomorrow." 

"I'm the boss, I can push back the starting time," Baekhyun joked, chuckling when you rolled your eyes. 

"Don't be silly," you reprimanded, although there was no trace of malice in your voice. How could anyone be mad with him? 

"You're the center of my universe, Y/N. I'd push the shoot back years if it meant I'd get more free time with you." Baekhyun smirked proudly as you felt the tips of your ears growing warm at his unexpected sweetness. 

"Stop," you whined, pressing your forehead to his chest. You could feel his suppressed laughter rumbling in his chest, an infectious sensation. 

"Alright," Baekhyun gave in, lifting your face back up so he could look at you. "Let me get out of these, and then we'll be out of here." He dove in for a quick kiss before rushing out of the room, his voice echoing down the hall as he called out to his manager. 

You were caught up in his orbit, and yet he had called you the center of his universe. It was strange to think of how much space you took up in his heart, and he in yours. It was still nerve-racking to jump into something new, to be brave in the face of an unknown future. But Baekhyun was by your side, calming you down and working with you to sort out your fears before they held you back. Just Baekhyun, not mega-celebrity Byun Baekhyun.

Yours.

A/N: this is basically just me self-indulging in looking at delight scans and gushing about how good baekhyun looks. I had this sort of model/make-up artist draft sitting around for about a year, and this finished fic is COMPLETELY different from how that started out. 

for reference: the first shoot is from baekhyun’s lined magazine cover shoot, and the second is from his teasers for delight (specifically the sticky and sweet ones)

[tswiftdaily]

In the 2010s, she went from country superstar to pop titan and broke records with chart-topping albums and blockbuster tours. Now Swift is using her industry clout to fight for artists’ rights and foster the musical community she wished she had coming up.

One evening in late-October, before she performed at a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, Taylor Swift’s dressing room became -- as it often does -- an impromptu summit of music’s biggest names. Swift was there to take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual We Can Survive concert alongside Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Camila Cabello and others, and a few of the artists on the lineup came by to visit.

Eilish, along with her mother and her brother/collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, popped in to say hello -- the first time she and Swift had met. Later, Swift joined the exclusive club of people who have seen Marshmello without his signature helmet when the EDM star and his manager stopped by.

“Two dudes walked in -- I didn’t know which one was him,” recalls Swift a few weeks later, sitting on a lounge chair in the backyard of a private Beverly Hills residence following a photo shoot. Her momentary confusion turned into a pang of envy. “It’s really smart! Because he’s got a life, and he can get a house that doesn’t have to have a paparazzi-proof entrance.” She stops to adjust her gray sweatshirt dress and lets out a clipped laugh.

Swift, who will celebrate her 30th birthday on Dec. 13, has been impossibly famous for nearly half of her lifetime. She was 16 when she released her self-titled debut album in 2006, and 20 when her second album, Fearless, won the Grammy Award for album of the year in 2010, making her the youngest artist to ever receive the honor. As the decade comes to a close, Swift is one of the most accomplished musical acts of all time: 37.3 million albums sold, according to Nielsen Music; 95 entries on the Billboard Hot 100 (including five No. 1s); 23 Billboard Music Awards; 12 Country Music Association Awards; 10 Grammys; and five world tours.

She also finishes the decade in a totally different realm of the music world from where she started. Swift’s crossover from country to pop -- hinted at on 2012’s Red and fully embraced on 2014’s 1989 -- reflected a mainstream era in which genres were blended with little abandon, where artists with roots in country, folk and trap music could join forces without anyone raising eyebrows. (See: Swift’s top 20 hit “End Game,” from 2017’s reputation, which featured Ed Sheeran and Future.)

Swift’s new album, Lover, released in August, is both a warm break from the darkness of reputation -- which was created during a wave of negative press generated by Swift’s public clash with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West -- as well as an amalgam of all her stylistic explorations through the years, from dreamy synth-pop to hushed country. “The skies were opening up in my life,” says Swift of the album, which garnered three Grammy nominations, including song of the year for the title track.

She recorded Lover after the Reputation Stadium Tour broke the record for the highest-grossing U.S. tour late last year. In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. “This is a year where I have to be there for my family -- there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,” says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis, which inspired the Lover heart-wrencher “Soon You’ll Get Better.”

Now, however, Swift finds herself in a different highly publicized dispute. This time it’s with Scott Borchetta, the head of her former label, Big Machine Records, and Scooter Braun, the manager-mogul whose Ithaca Holdings acquired Big Machine Label Group and its master recordings, which include Swift’s six pre-Lover albums, in June. Upon news of the sale, Swift wrote in a Tumblr post that it was her “worst case scenario,” accusing Braun of “bullying” her throughout her career due to his connections with West. She maintains today that she was never given the opportunity to buy her masters outright. (On Tumblr, she wrote that she was offered the chance to “earn” back the masters to one of her albums for each new album she turned in if she re-signed with Big Machine; Borchetta disputed this characterization, saying she had the opportunity to acquire her masters in exchange for re-signing with the label for a “length of time” -- 10 more years, according to screenshots of legal documents posted on the Big Machine website.)

Swift has said that she intends to rerecord her first six albums next year -- starting next November, when she says she’s contractually able to -- in order to regain control of her recordings. But the back-and-forth appears to be nowhere near over: Last month, Swift alleged that Borchetta and Braun were blocking her from performing her past hits at the American Music Awards or using them in an upcoming Netflix documentary -- claims Big Machine characterized as “false information” in a response that did not get into specifics. (Swift ultimately performed the medley she had planned.) In the weeks following this interview, Braun said he was open to “all possibilities” in finding a “resolution,” and Billboard sources say that includes negotiating a sale. Swift remains interested in buying her masters, though the price could be a sticking point, given her rerecording plans, the control she has over the licensing of her music for film and TV, and the market growth since Braun’s acquisition.

However it plays out, the battle over her masters is the latest in a series of moves that has turned Swift into something of an advocate for artists’ rights -- and made her a cause that everyone from Halsey to Elizabeth Warren has rallied behind. From 2014 to 2017, Swift withheld her catalog from Spotify to protest the streaming company’s compensation rates, saying in a 2014 interview, “There should be an inherent value placed on art. I didn’t see that happening, perception-wise, when I put my music on Spotify.” In 2015, ahead of the launch of Apple Music, Swift wrote an open letter criticizing Apple for its plan to not pay royalties during the three-month free trial it was set to offer listeners; the company announced a new policy within 24 hours. Most recently, when she signed a new global deal with Universal Music Group in 2018, Swift (who is now on Republic Records) said one of the conditions of her contract was that UMG share proceeds from any sale of its Spotify equity with its roster of artists -- and make them nonrecoupable against those artists’ earnings.

During a wide-ranging conversation, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade expresses hope that she can help make the lives of creators a little easier in the years to come -- and a belief that her behind-the-scenes strides will be as integral to her legacy as her biggest singles. “New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise -- but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,” she says, “but it’s because someone has to be.”

While watching some of your performances this year -- like Saturday Night Live and NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert -- I was struck by how focused you seemed, like there were no distractions getting in the way of what you were trying to say.

That’s a really wonderful way of looking at this phase of my life and my music. I’ve spent a lot of time recalibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do.

Meanwhile, you’ve found a way to interact with your fans in this very pure way -- on your Tumblr page.

Tumblr is the last place on the internet where I feel like I can still make a joke because it feels small, like a neighborhood rather than an entire continent. We can kid around -- they literally drag me. It’s fun. That’s a real comfort zone for me. And just like anything else, I need breaks from it sometimes. But when I do participate in that space, it’s always in a very inside-joke, friend vibe. Sometimes, when I open Twitter, I get so overwhelmed that I just immediately close it. I haven’t had Twitter on my phone in a while because I don’t like to have too much news. Like, I follow politics, and that’s it. But I don’t like to follow who has broken up with who, or who wore an interesting pair of shoes. There’s only so much bandwidth my brain can really have.

You’ve spoken in recent interviews about the general expectations you’ve faced, using phrases like “They’ve wanted to see this” and “They hated me for this.” Who is “they”? Is it social media or disparaging think pieces or --

It’s sort of an amalgamation of all of it. People who aren’t active fans of your music, who like one song but love to hear who has been canceled on Twitter. I’ve had several upheavals of somehow not being what I should be. And this happens to women in music way more than men. That’s why I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue -- like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again.

Did you have someone like that to reach out to?

Not really, because my career has existed in lots of different neighborhoods of music. I had so many mentors in country music. Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her. Crossing over to pop is a completely different world. Country music is a real community, and in pop I didn’t see that community as much. Now there is a bit of one between the girls in pop -- we all have each other’s numbers and text each other -- but when I first started out in pop it was very much you versus you versus you. We didn’t have a network, which is weird because we can help each other through these moments when you just feel completely isolated.

Do you feel like those barriers are actively being broken down now?

God, I hope so. I also hope people can call it out, [like] if you see a Grammy prediction article, and it’s just two women’s faces next to each other and feels a bit gratuitous. No one’s going to start out being perfectly educated on the intricacies of gender politics. The key is that people are trying to learn, and that’s great. No one’s going to get it perfect, but, God, please try.

At this point, who is your sounding board, creatively and professionally?

From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas.

The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else.

You’ve spoken before about how meaningful the reputation tour’s success was. What did it represent?

That tour was something that I wanted to immortalize in the Netflix special that we did because the album was a story, but it almost was like a story that wasn’t fully realized until you saw it live. It was so cool to hear people leaving the show being like, “I understand it now. I fully get it now.” There are a lot of red herrings and bait-and-switches in the choices that I’ll make with albums, because I want people to go and explore the body of work. You can never express how you feel over the course of an album in a single, so why try?

That seems especially true of your last three albums or so.

“Shake It Off” is nothing like the rest of 1989. It’s almost like I feel so much pressure with a first single that I don’t want the first single to be something that makes you feel like you’ve figured out what I’ve made on the rest of the project. I still truly believe in albums, whatever form you consume them in -- if you want to stream them or buy them or listen to them on vinyl. And I don’t think that makes me a staunch purist. I think that that is a strong feeling throughout the music industry. We’re running really fast toward a singles industry, but you got to believe in something. I still believe that albums are important.

The music industry has become increasingly global during the past decade. Is reaching new markets something you think about?

Yeah, and I’m always trying to learn. I’m learning from everyone. I’m learning when I go see Bruce Springsteen or Madonna do a theater show. And I’m learning from new artists who are coming out right now, just seeing what they’re doing and thinking, “That’s really cool.” You need to keep your influences broad and wide-ranging, and my favorite people who make music have always done that. I got to work with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the Cats movie, and Andrew will walk through the door and be like, “I’ve just seen this amazing thing on TikTok!” And I’m like, “You are it! You are it!” Because you cannot look at what quote-unquote “the kids are doing” and roll your eyes. You have to learn.

Have you explored TikTok at all?

I only see them when they’re posted to Tumblr, but I love them! I think that they’re hilarious and amazing. Andrew says that they’ve made musicals cool again, because there’s a huge musical facet to TikTok. [He’s] like, “Any way we can do that is good.”

How do you see your involvement in the business side of your career progressing in the next decade? You seem like someone who could eventually start a label or be more hands-on with signing artists.

I do think about it every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous.

You’ve served as an ambassador of sorts for artists, especially recently -- staring down streaming services over payouts, increasing public awareness about the terms of record deals.

We have a long way to go. I think that we’re working off of an antiquated contractual system. We’re galloping toward a new industry but not thinking about recalibrating financial structures and compensation rates, taking care of producers and writers.

We need to think about how we handle master recordings, because this isn’t it. When I stood up and talked about this, I saw a lot of fans saying, “Wait, the creators of this work do not own their work, ever?” I spent 10 years of my life trying rigorously to purchase my masters outright and was then denied that opportunity, and I just don’t want that to happen to another artist if I can help it. I want to at least raise my hand and say, “This is something that an artist should be able to earn back over the course of their deal -- not as a renegotiation ploy -- and something that artists should maybe have the first right of refusal to buy.” God, I would have paid so much for them! Anything to own my work that was an actual sale option, but it wasn’t given to me.

Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it.

Do you know how long that rerecording process will take?

I don’t know! But it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.

Ten years ago, on the brink of the 2010s, you were about to turn 20. What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time?

Oh, God -- I wouldn’t give myself any advice. I would have done everything exactly the same way. Because even the really tough things I’ve gone through taught me things that I never would have learned any other way. I really appreciate my experience, the ups and downs. And maybe that seems ridiculously Zen, but … I’ve got my friends, who like me for the right reasons. I’ve got my family. I’ve got my boyfriend. I’ve got my fans. I’ve got my cats.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Billboard Woman of the Decade Taylor Swift: 'I Do Want My Music to Live On'

By: Jason Lipshutz for Billboard Magazine Date: December 14th issue

In the 2010s, she went from country superstar to pop titan and broke records with chart-topping albums and blockbuster tours. Now Swift is using her industry clout to fight for artists’ rights and foster the musical community she wished she had coming up.

One evening in late October, before she performed at a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, Taylor Swift’s dressing room became - as it often does - an impromptu summit of music’s biggest names. Swift was there to take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual We Can Survive concert alongside Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Camila Cabello and others, and a few of the artists on the lineup came by to visit.

Eilish, along with her mother and her brother/collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, popped in to say hello - the first time she and Swift had met. Later, Swift joined the exclusive club of people who have seen Marshmello without his signature helmet when the EDM star and his manager stopped by.

“Two dudes walked in - I didn’t know which one was him,” recalls Swift a few weeks later, sitting on a lounge chair in the backyard of a private Beverly Hills residence following a photo shoot. Her momentary confusion turned into a pang of envy. “It’s really smart! Because he’s got a life, and he can get a house that doesn’t have to have a paparazzi-proof entrance.” She stops to adjust her gray sweatshirt dress and lets out a clipped laugh.

Swift, who will celebrate her 30th birthday on Dec. 13, has been impossibly famous for nearly half of her lifetime. She was 16 when she released her self-titled debut album in 2006, and 20 when her second album, Fearless, won the Grammy Award for album of the year in 2010, making her the youngest artist to ever receive the honor. As the decade comes to a close, Swift is one of the most accomplished musical acts of all time: 37.3 million albums sold, according to Nielsen Music; 95 entries on the Billboard Hot 100 (including five No. 1s); 23 Billboard Music Awards; 12 Country Music Association Awards; 10 Grammys; and five world tours.

She also finishes the decade in a totally different realm of the music world from where she started. Swift’s crossover from country to pop - hinted at on 2012’s Red and fully embraced on 2014’s 1989 - reflected a mainstream era in which genres were blended with little abandon, where artists with roots in country, folk and trap music could join forces without anyone raising eyebrows. (See: Swift’s top 20 hit “End Game,” from 2017’s reputation, which featured Ed Sheeran and Future.)

Swift’s new album, Lover, released in August, is both a warm break from the darkness of reputation - which was created during a wave of negative press generated by Swift’s public clash with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West - as well as an amalgam of all her stylistic explorations through the years, from dreamy synth-pop to hushed country. “The skies were opening up in my life,” says Swift of the album, which garnered three Grammy nominations, including song of the year for the title track.

She recorded Lover after the Reputation Stadium Tour broke the record for the highest-grossing U.S. tour late last year. In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. “This is a year where I have to be there for my family - there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,” says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis, which inspired the Lover heart-wrencher “Soon You’ll Get Better.”

Now, however, Swift finds herself in a different highly publicized dispute. This time it’s with Scott Borchetta, the head of her former label, Big Machine Records, and Scooter Braun, the manager-mogul whose Ithaca Holdings acquired Big Machine Label Group and its master recordings, which include Swift’s six pre-Lover albums, in June. Upon news of the sale, Swift wrote in a Tumblr post that it was her “worst case scenario,” accusing Braun of “bullying” her throughout her career due to his connections with West. She maintains today that she was never given the opportunity to buy her masters outright. (On Tumblr, she wrote that she was offered the chance to “earn” back the masters to one of her albums for each new album she turned in if she re-signed with Big Machine; Borchetta disputed this characterization, saying she had the opportunity to acquire her masters in exchange for re-signing with the label for a “length of time” - 10 more years, according to screenshots of legal documents posted on the Big Machine website.)

Swift has said that she intends to rerecord her first six albums next year, starting next November, when she says she’s contractually able to - in order to regain control of her recordings. But the back-and-forth appears to be nowhere near over: Last month, Swift alleged that Borchetta and Braun were blocking her from performing her past hits at the American Music Awards or using them in an upcoming Netflix documentary - claims Big Machine characterized as “false information” in a response that did not get into specifics. (Swift ultimately performed the medley she had planned.) In the weeks following this interview, Braun said he was open to “all possibilities” in finding a “resolution,” and Billboard sources say that includes negotiating a sale. Swift remains interested in buying her masters, though the price could be a sticking point, given her rerecording plans, the control she has over the licensing of her music for film and TV, and the market growth since Braun’s acquisition.

However it plays out, the battle over her masters is the latest in a series of moves that has turned Swift into something of an advocate for artists’ rights, and made her a cause that everyone from Halsey to Elizabeth Warren has rallied behind. From 2014 to 2017, Swift withheld her catalog from Spotify to protest the streaming company’s compensation rates, saying in a 2014 interview, “There should be an inherent value placed on art. I didn’t see that happening, perception-wise, when I put my music on Spotify.” In 2015, ahead of the launch of Apple Music, Swift wrote an open letter criticizing Apple for its plan to not pay royalties during the three-month free trial it was set to offer listeners; the company announced a new policy within 24 hours. Most recently, when she signed a new global deal with Universal Music Group in 2018, Swift (who is now on Republic Records) said one of the conditions of her contract was that UMG share proceeds from any sale of its Spotify equity with its roster of artists - and make them non-recoupable against those artists’ earnings.

During a wide-ranging conversation, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade expresses hope that she can help make the lives of creators a little easier in the years to come - and a belief that her behind-the-scenes strides will be as integral to her legacy as her biggest singles. “New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise - but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,” she says, “but it’s because someone has to be.”

While watching some of your performances this year - like SNL and NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert - I was struck by how focused you seemed, like there were no distractions getting in the way of what you were trying to say. That’s a really wonderful way of looking at this phase of my life and my music. I’ve spent a lot of time re-calibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do.

Meanwhile, you’ve found a way to interact with your fans in this very pure way - on your Tumblr page. Tumblr is the last place on the internet where I feel like I can still make a joke because it feels small, like a neighborhood rather than an entire continent. We can kid around - they literally drag me. It’s fun. That’s a real comfort zone for me. And just like anything else, I need breaks from it sometimes. But when I do participate in that space, it’s always in a very inside-joke, friend vibe. Sometimes, when I open Twitter, I get so overwhelmed that I just immediately close it. I haven’t had Twitter on my phone in a while because I don’t like to have too much news. Like, I follow politics, and that’s it. But I don’t like to follow who has broken up with who, or who wore an interesting pair of shoes. There’s only so much bandwidth my brain can really have.

You’ve spoken in recent interviews about the general expectations you’ve faced, using phrases like “They’ve wanted to see this” and “They hated me for this.” Who is “they”? Is it social media or disparaging think pieces or... It’s sort of an amalgamation of all of it. People who aren’t active fans of your music, who like one song but love to hear who has been canceled on Twitter. I’ve had several upheavals of somehow not being what I should be. And this happens to women in music way more than men. That’s why I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue - like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again.

Did you have someone like that to reach out to? Not really, because my career has existed in lots of different neighborhoods of music. I had so many mentors in country music. Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her. Crossing over to pop is a completely different world. Country music is a real community, and in pop I didn’t see that community as much. Now there is a bit of one between the girls in pop - we all have each other’s numbers and text each other - but when I first started out in pop it was very much you versus you versus you. We didn’t have a network, which is weird because we can help each other through these moments when you just feel completely isolated.

Do you feel like those barriers are actively being broken down now? God, I hope so. I also hope people can call it out, [like] if you see a Grammy prediction article, and it’s just two women’s faces next to each other and feels a bit gratuitous. No one’s going to start out being perfectly educated on the intricacies of gender politics. The key is that people are trying to learn, and that’s great. No one’s going to get it perfect, but, God, please try.

At this point, who is your sounding board, creatively and professionally From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas. The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else.

You’ve spoken before about how meaningful the reputation tour’s success was. What did it represent? That tour was something that I wanted to immortalize in the Netflix special that we did because the album was a story, but it almost was like a story that wasn’t fully realized until you saw it live. It was so cool to hear people leaving the show being like, “I understand it now. I fully get it now.” There are a lot of red herrings and bait-and-switches in the choices that I’ll make with albums, because I want people to go and explore the body of work. You can never express how you feel over the course of an album in a single, so why try?

That seems especially true of your last three albums or so. “Shake It Off” is nothing like the rest of 1989. It’s almost like I feel so much pressure with a first single that I don’t want the first single to be something that makes you feel like you’ve figured out what I’ve made on the rest of the project. I still truly believe in albums, whatever form you consume them in - if you want to stream them or buy them or listen to them on vinyl. And I don’t think that makes me a staunch purist. I think that that is a strong feeling throughout the music industry. We’re running really fast toward a singles industry, but you got to believe in something. I still believe that albums are important.

The music industry has become increasingly global during the past decade. Is reaching new markets something you think about? Yeah, and I’m always trying to learn. I’m learning from everyone. I’m learning when I go see Bruce Springsteen or Madonna do a theater show. And I’m learning from new artists who are coming out right now, just seeing what they’re doing and thinking, “That’s really cool.” You need to keep your influences broad and wide-ranging, and my favorite people who make music have always done that. I got to work with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the Cats movie, and Andrew will walk through the door and be like, “I’ve just seen this amazing thing on TikTok!” And I’m like, “You are it! You are it!” Because you cannot look at what quote-unquote “the kids are doing” and roll your eyes. You have to learn.

Have you explored TikTok at all? I only see them when they’re posted to Tumblr, but I love them! I think that they’re hilarious and amazing. Andrew says that they’ve made musicals cool again, because there’s a huge musical facet to TikTok. [He’s] like, “Any way we can do that is good.”

How do you see your involvement in the business side of your career progressing in the next decade? You seem like someone who could eventually start a label or be more hands-on with signing artists. I do think about it every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous.

You’ve served as an ambassador of sorts for artists, especially recently - staring down streaming services over payouts, increasing public awareness about the terms of record deals. We have a long way to go. I think that we’re working off of an antiquated contractual system. We’re galloping toward a new industry but not thinking about re-calibrating financial structures and compensation rates, taking care of producers and writers. We need to think about how we handle master recordings, because this isn’t it. When I stood up and talked about this, I saw a lot of fans saying, “Wait, the creators of this work do not own their work, ever?” I spent 10 years of my life trying rigorously to purchase my masters outright and was then denied that opportunity, and I just don’t want that to happen to another artist if I can help it. I want to at least raise my hand and say, “This is something that an artist should be able to earn back over the course of their deal - not as a renegotiation ploy - and something that artists should maybe have the first right of refusal to buy.” God, I would have paid so much for them! Anything to own my work that was an actual sale option, but it wasn’t given to me. Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it.

Do you know how long that rerecording process will take? I don’t know! But it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.

Ten years ago, on the brink of the 2010s, you were about to turn 20. What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time? Oh, God - I wouldn’t give myself any advice. I would have done everything exactly the same way. Because even the really tough things I’ve gone through taught me things that I never would have learned any other way. I really appreciate my experience, the ups and downs. And maybe that seems ridiculously Zen, but... I’ve got my friends, who like me for the right reasons. I’ve got my family. I’ve got my boyfriend. I’ve got my fans. I’ve got my cats.

Taylor Swift Discusses 'The Man' & 'It's Nice To Have a Friend' In Cover Story Outtakes

Billboard // by Jason Lipshutz // December 12th 2019

During her cover story interview for Billboard’s Women In Music issue, Taylor Swift discussed several aspects of her mega-selling seventh studio album Lover, including its creation after a personal “recalibrating” period, her stripped-down performances of its songs and her plans to showcase the full-length live with her Lover Fest shows next year. In two moments from the extended conversation that did not make the print story, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade also touched upon two of the album’s highlights, which double as a pair of the more interesting songs in her discography: “The Man” and “It’s Nice To Have A Friend.” 

“The Man” imagines how Swift’s experience as a person, artist and figure within the music industry would have been different had she been a man, highlighting how much harder women have to work in order to succeed (“I’m so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man,” she sings in the chorus). The song has become a fan favorite since the release of Lover, and Swift recently opened a career-spanning medley with the song at the 2019 American Music Awards.

When asked about “The Man,” Swift pointed out specific double standards that exist in everyday life and explained why she wanted to turn that frustration into a pop single. Read Swift’s full thoughts on “The Man” below:

“It was a song that I wrote from my personal experience, but also from a general experience that I’ve heard from women in all parts of our industry. And I think that, the more we can talk about it in a song like that, the better off we’ll be in a place to call it out when it’s happening. So many of these things are ingrained in even women, these perceptions, and it’s really about re-training your own brain to be less critical of women when we are not criticizing men for the same things. So many things that men do, you know, can be phoned-in that cannot be phoned-in for us. We have to really — God, we have to curate and cater everything, but we have to make it look like an accident. Because if we make a mistake, that’s our fault, but if we strategize so that we won’t make a mistake, we’re calculating.

“There is a bit of a damned-if-we-do, damned-if-we-don’t thing happening in music, and that’s why when I can, like, sit and talk and be like ‘Yeah, this sucks for me too,’ that feels good. When I go online and hear the stories of my fans talking about their experience in the working world, or even at school — the more we talk about it, the better off we’ll be. And I wanted to make it catchy for a reason — so that it would get stuck in people’s heads, [so] they would end up with a song about gender inequality stuck in their heads. And for me, that’s a good day.”

Meanwhile, the penultimate song on Lover, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend,” sounds unlike anything in Swift’s catalog thanks to its elliptical structure, lullaby-like tone and incorporation of steel drums and brass. When asked about the song, Swift talked about experimenting with her songwriting, as well as capturing a different angle of the emotional themes at the heart of Lover. Read Swift’s full thoughts on “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” below:

“It was fun to write a song that was just verses, because my whole body and soul wants to make a chorus — every time I sit down to write a song, I’m like, ‘Okay, chorus time, let’s get the chorus done.’ But with that song, it was more of like a poem, and a story and a vibe and a feeling of... I love metaphors that kind of have more than one meaning, and I think I loved the idea that, on an album called Lover, we all want love, we all want to find somebody to see our sights with and hear things with and experience things with.

“But at the end of the day we’ve been searching for that since we were kids! When you had a friend when you were nine years old, and that friend was all you talked about, and you wanted to have sleepovers and you wanted to walk down the street together and sit there drawing pictures together or be silent together, or be talking all night. We’re just looking for that, but endless sparks, as adults.”

Read the full Taylor Swift cover story here, and click here for more info on Billboard’s 2019 Women In Music event, during which Swift will be presented with the first-ever Woman of the Decade award.

[link to this tweet]

Was there ever a part of you that was like, “Oh shit, I like this darker vibe, let’s go even further down that path?” I really Loved Reputation because it felt like a rock opera, or a musical, doing it live. Doing that stadium show was so fun because it was so theatrical and so exciting to perform that, because it’s really cathartic! But I have to follow whatever direction my life is going in emotionally... The skies were opening up in my life. That’s what happened. But in a way that felt like a pink sky, a pink and purple sky, after a storm, and now it looks even more beautiful because it looked so stormy before. And that’s just like, I couldn't stop writing. I’ve never had an album with 18 songs on it before, and a lot of what I do is based on intuition. So, you know, I try not to overthink it. Who knows, there may be another dark album. I plan on doing lots of experimentation over the course of my career. Who knows? But it was a blast, I really loved it.

I mean, look, a Taylor Swift screamo album? I’ll be first in line. I’m so happy to hear that, because I think you might be the only one. Ha! I have a terrible scream. It’s obnoxious.

Why Taylor Swift's Lover Fest Will Be Her Next Big Step

Billboard // by Jason Lipshutz // December 11th 2019 - [Excerpt]

On why she chose to put together Lover fest: “I haven’t really done festivals in years - not since I was a teenager. That’s something that [the fans] don’t expect from me, so that’s why I wanted to do it. I want to challenge myself with new things and at the same time keep giving my fans something to connect to.”

[one-girl-once-upon-a-dream]

Lucifer’s Challenge Ch. 1

Description: MC is finally back where she belongs, at the House of Lamentation as well as in Lucifer’s bed. Yet she is surprised that while sharing a room with him that he hasn’t taken advantage of her to the fullest. When she finally find out what has been on his mind shes shocked but shes very interested in hearing him out.

Warnings: fem MC, nsfw themes 

Prologue here! Chapter Two here!

Title: Lucifer’s Proposition

MC knew Lucifer too well to think that he wasn’t happy that she was back. He acted calm and collected, not falling into the tizzy that his brothers had been in the past week since her return but she saw the smaller signs. It was the fact that he was working exclusively from home, even taking his meetings on conference calls so that he was never far away. It was the way that his door was always open a crack and that he was playing music he remembered she liked. They were all invitations for her, hidden ones that were meant only for her and ones she knew that he wished she would take. 

Along with all these subtle calls for her attention was the one glaring sign that he wanted to be with her, the fact that they were sharing a room. This was of course blamed on the fact that her previous bedroom had been destroyed the day of her arrival. Mammon claimed that it was an accident, everyone was using it as a storage room and he just happened to use it to explore fireworks that mysteriously went off. No one else seemed to mind this and were more than willing to offer a place in their own bed for her but Lucifer had been quick to stop the war that was ushering in, saying with no room for argument that his room would be where she would stay. This of course didn’t actually stop the arguing but it at least turned all the anger on him instead of them all bickering among themselves.

MC didn’t mind this solution at all, more than willing to share the luxurious bed with the oldest, but she also didn’t buy that he hadn’t expected this. Mammon was not a master of stealth and the extra pillows, emptied dresser drawers and new silk sheets made her believe that Lucifer might have let this little mishap happen. She also didn’t buy that it was going to take months to repair the damage as he claimed but she didn’t argue, only bit her lip and nodded along to his explanations of needing a very specific and hard to find stone to make the proper repairs. There was nothing to complain about on her end, especially not as she thought about the last night she had spent sharing a bed with him.

Surprisingly though they hadn’t shared another night like that yet. There had been lots of touching and skin on skin, every little bit making her melt into the bed, but Lucifer seemed to be taking his time with her. She just hoped that it wouldn’t be a full year this time before he decided to take that plunge. She was thinking about it again that night, watching the door expectantly as she rubbed lotion onto her very exposed legs. Her sleeping shorts weren’t much longer than panties, leaving lots of soft skin to lure Lucifer in with. The clock chimed and right on time the door knob turned, just as MC stretched herself out on the bed with her legs kicking behind her. 

“Why Luci if you don’t pull any all nighters I would think you actually want to spend time with me,” she teased when he entered, batting her eyelashes and crossing her ankles while propping herself up on her elbows. He smirked but said nothing as he undressed, not looking at her as he did so but making sure to keep his body turned towards her so she would get the full show. She watched with a tilted head, appreciating every line and curve that was exposed to her while he changed into monogrammed pajama pants. They were the type she was sure had to have an equally as expensive top but he chose not to put that on for which she was very grateful. This allowed her to feel nearly all of him as he flipped her with ease onto her back so he could cage her underneath him.

He brushed his lips to her forehead and nestled his nose in her hair for a brief moment before hovering over her. “And if I didn’t know any better I would think that you wanted all my attention, waiting here for me every night. Such a good girl, knowing who you belong to,” he chuckled darkly, the back of his fingers tracing her body with feather light touches. She shivered, toes wiggling and fingers clutching at the blanket as she struggled to dispel all the energy he seemed to fill her with.

“You did tell me that I was going to be rooming with you. I assumed that I meant I would be sleeping here. Or was I supposed to take that as a hint to sleep in front of the fireplace and become Cinderella?” she pointed out, bringing up her hands to rub at his shoulders, trying to keep them from going where they truly wanted. She thought that this was just their usual snippy banter but she was surprised to find his eyebrow raised in genuine questioning. 

“Human fairy tales have no place here. But you have never been one to follow my orders before, I’m just surprised that you chose now to start … that isn’t to say I am upset with obedience,” he said with an air of dismissal but his eyebrows were still knitted together tightly, several hard lines wrinkling his forehead. MC couldn’t help but frown in return, shifting under him so she could sit up and look at him properly.

“Lucifer I’m not just here because you told me to be. I want to be here with you. I thought your offer meant that you wanted me here too … i-if I misunderstood I’m sorry. I know it's been so long, it's probably awkward and it's hard to just pick up where we left off and-” her rambling was cut off with a firm kiss. She sighed into it, hands finding their way into his raven locks and keeping him there. She feared what he might say when he pulled away so she was happy to live in that moment for as long as he allowed.

“Stroking my ego could be a dangerous thing but I can’t deny that I adore hearing you say how much you want to be here,” Lucifer said with their lips still brushing against hers. Her breath caught in her throat and she stared up at him with wide, confused eyes. He laughed at her expression, taking another kiss before pulling away to fully explain. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I was so quick to take you into my bed and yet I haven’t actually taken you yet, my love. Trust me it has nothing to do with not wanting you, you are the only one that I want MC.”

It warmed her immensely to hear these words and she hummed her appreciation of them but she pushed him a bit more “I sense that there is a ‘but’ that is coming with that statement?”

A sad smile graced his features, highlighting all of his hauntingly beautiful face. “I did miss having another intelligent person in the house. There is indeed a bit more to my desire for you. You really are the only one that I want but I know that I am not the only one that wants you,” he said, rolling over so that he rested beside her, pulling her in close with one firm pull “you mean a great deal to all of us. My brothers care for you just as much as I do, in that I have no doubt. So while I selfishly would love to keep you to myself, I can’t. It’s why I’ve restrained myself, I know once I have you it will be quite some time before I let you go again.”

Now it was MC’s turn to laugh. She wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed as close to him as she possibly could, finding that comfort in being tangled with him. “Oh Luci I love that you think of your brothers so much,” she cooed at him, getting a playful growl and eye roll from him “but I love them too. The fact that I get to be in this crazy relationship with all of you is something I cherish more than anything. I may be yours Lucifer but they are mine. So as much as I crave you, I don’t plan on abandoning them just for you.”

It seemed like such a strange discussion to be having, soothing her partners' concerns that she wasn’t spending enough time with her other partners. She certainly hadn’t ever had to tell a partner that she planned on sleeping with several other people and the fact that he was now smiling about that declaration was hard for her to wrap her mind around. But that smile was enough to erase any unease that she might have. This was new territory for her but she was lucky enough to have a very good guide for this experience, someone who wanted to help her navigate it all so that everyone came out happy. That wasn’t to say, however, that he didn’t have his own agenda at the end of the day. MC was about to find out exactly what he really had in mind for her.

“I am very glad to hear you say that,” Lucifer said, MC feeling the rumble in his chest with every word. His arm was still draped over her waist, his hand had been rubbing circles on her lower back but was now dipping lower to grab a handful of her ass. It pulled her closer so that she could hear every word he whispered hoarsely to her “because I have what you could call … a challenge for you.” He emphasized this news with a lick up her neck that ended with a nip to her ear. Her body tensed as she forced herself to not whine and writhe under him, instead hoping her waiting patiently would give her some bonus points for whatever challenge he was about to lay on her.

“I meant what I said, I don’t plan on letting you go for quite some time once I finally have you. But I still dont want to deprive you or my brothers of your deserved time together. Plus let’s be honest, I like it when you’re all worked up for me and what better way than to get you warmed up with them,” he continued, the thought apparently as appealing to him as it was to her from the growing tent in his pants “so, my precious pet, what I want you to do is to seduce all my brothers before returning to me.”

MC couldn’t help but laugh, she hardly thought that something she planned on doing was much of a challenge, but seeing the sadistic glimmer in Lucifer’s eyes that followed she knew she had done the wrong thing. “You know I thought that might be your reaction,” he said, fingers digging into the flesh of her upper thigh just before the point of bruising “so that is why that was just the set up for my challenge for you. I want you to seduce all my brothers but in doing so you are not allowed to cum.” 

Her mouth hung open, half lidded sultry bedroom eyes now wide open at such a demand. It just didn’t seem possible! “I’m not sure if you just have very high confidence in me or none in them. They are far from being bad in bed Lucifer, they are more than capable and in most cases very focused on making sure I get off. More than one of them seem to prefer that more than getting their own rocks off actually,” she laughed nervously, waiting for him to playfully scold her for denying his ridiculous request and use it as an excuse to punish her. Yet while she laughed his expression hardened until her laughter teetered off.

“I’m sorry, did I make it seem like I wanted this to be easy?” he said harshly, leaning away from their cuddly position he grabbed her face, tilting it up to meet his burning gaze “I am more than aware of what they are capable of but when you finally come to me I want you to be little more than a proper bitch in heat. I am not telling you to not enjoy yourself, I want you to feel as much pleasure as you can but your cum is for me and me alone. At least that is the first time you cum this trip, I won’t deny you forever … at least I have no intentions of that now.”

MC believed every word he said and each word made heat grow between her thighs, the thought of being edged so thoroughly burning her up. Still she wasn’t convinced that it was something she could possibly do, she only had so much control over that and the brothers could be unrelenting. “I want to try but Lucifer I’m not sure that I could, just biological wise. There is only so much I can do to stop that if someone else is trying so hard to make it happen,” she said breathlessly, not wanting to let him down in the slightest. Yet instead of disappointment MC saw a smile return to his features.

“You would really like to try?” he asked in nearly a purr, squeezing her cheeks just a little tighter as he waited for her to nod her agreement. Once she did he pulled her face close to his, his breath hot against her as he told her “Good. That’s what I needed to hear, since you are so willing I am willing to give you a little bit of help to accomplish this.” He then kissed her hard, his tongue in her mouth when she gasped but there was something different. It wasn’t in his usual dominating, exploring way, it felt somehow more deliberate as if he was spelling something out with his tongue. It definitely wasn’t any letters she recognized so she tried to ignore it and enjoy the kiss but before long her mouth was filled with a taste she could barely begin to describe. It tasted the way a lightning strike smelled, like burnt ozone and charred metal. 

She was choking on the taste and she struggled to pull away as panic set in her chest but he held her firmly in place even as she moaned in protest. Then, just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. He rolled away from her as she gasped for air, every hair on her body standing up and her skin feverish. It took her a second to realize it but she had felt that once before, the night that Solomon had given her his powers. That had been the unmistakable feel of magic. “Lucifer what the fuck!” she hissed crawling away from him, she trusted that he would never do something to harm her but it still seemed rude to perform a spell she hadn’t been prepared for.

He allowed her to escape, giving her an apologetic look as he slowly reached for her hand. He inched towards her hand but allowed her to close the distance between them before he took it and spoke. “I’m sorry, I do forget that you aren’t used to things like that but I thought it was the best way to transfer the spell. Here take a look,” he said tilting her wrist up. She nearly screamed seeing what looked like a moving tattoo there, a sigil surrounded by seven runes constantly rotating around it. She huffed and tried to stutter through some sort of demand but he cut her off before she could get far. 

“It can be removed quite easily if you decide that you don’t want to go through with this, it will be as painless as being put there. But if you chose to follow through in the challenge I have given you then this will assure you follow the rules. Each of these represents one of us brothers, once you have successfully seduced and brought us to bed they will disappear. And this seal will assure that you can not cum until all have disappeared. You will be allowed to feel every pleasurable moment up until the second you are to reach that release,” he explained almost tenderly looking down at his handy work before meeting her eyes once more. An intensity that she could nearly taste hung in the air when he asked “so what do you think, can you save yourself for me so that I can make you feel pleasure beyond that even found in the celestial realm MC?”

MC could only hear her own heartbeat but she felt her lips form the words she knew that Lucifer had been waiting to hear “Yes sir.” 

[smalltowndetective]

Thank you so much for creating that question game! It's always nice when a new one pops up and you did so great! Could I get 9 for Felix and Thea, 5 for Adam and Natasha, and 8 for M and Mariana please?

Of course! I had a lot of fun making this! It came from my realization when I doing my character sheets for my detectives (you’d think I was writing a novel with them from how detailed they are haha) I was writing my very stubborn N detective, and then that got the idea that I should ask how everyone else’s detectives saw it, and then I wanted to ask more questions about the different routes, and it resulted in a very long list haha. So, here is the result!

Felix and Thea-9- If in a relationship with F, how is your detective settling into it? If not, is that something they would want now, or are they still unsure, and if so, why?

Adam and Natasha-5- Saying that A has the carnival picture, how do you think your detective will react once they find out they have it?

Mason and Mariana- Personally, how do you think your detective will react when M admits they have deeper feelings for the detective?

And all of this will go under the cut, because, as usual, my answers are very long :D

Felix and Thea- 9-  If in a relationship with F, how is your detective settling into it? If not, is that something they would want now, or are they still unsure, and if so, why?

They are in a relationship, which what Thea would consider the easiest decision in her life. But you know what? Instead of going on forever like I could do, I’m going to share a small snippet from a fic I’ve been working on for ages now that kind of gives some insight into how Thea’s taking being in a new relationship. (Formatting text messages is weird, so hopefully that all comes across okay)

Thea started to type out her response to that, but just before she sent it, she managed to stop herself.

Thea: Of course!

Love you!

               She sent her phone down in shocked surprise, and her head continued to spin.

               Love you

               It was not something that she had even thought about, just something that she seemed to write on instinct, and as much as it surprised, a part of her knew that she should not be. Those words always seemed to be on the tip of her tongue when she was around him, and she feared the day that she would say it without thinking about it.

               Isn’t it a bit early to say something like that?

               What is it just ends up pushing him away?

               But regardless if or not she said it, there was one thing that she was sure of. She knew it was true. Her feelings already ran deep for Felix, even with the few months that they had known each other, and she hoped that one day, it would be the right time to set it all free.

               I think most people would say it is too early to really know.

               But I don’t think I’ve ever been so sure of something in my entire life.

So, to answer your question, Thea’s settling into it quite well. :D Even with her fears that it could all disappear tomorrow, I don’t think she could point to a time in her life where she has been happier. Now, the F “I love yous” which I am hoping we get in Book 3, is the next step. :)

Adam and Natasha-5- Saying that A has the carnival picture, how do you think your detective will react once they find out they have it?

Natasha is a strange one to write with Adam, and I’ll kind of briefly explain why. After her breakup with Bobby, she’s never let herself be in another relationship, cutting herself off from that world. She was always stoic, but the experience just made her even more so, and the last thing she would have expected was to catch feelings for someone almost as emotionally cut off as she was. She spent the entirety of Book 2 acting like she felt nothing, treating the carnival mission exactly what it was- a mission (Never mind that she actually was enjoying being there with him. She’ll never admit that) Or would she ever admit how surprised she was when he pulled them closer together for the picture in the first place. (You’re getting none of that from her) Or maybe, just how panicked she was after finding Adam paralyzed in the house of mirrors. Because that definitely never happened. Natasha even wrote off tu omnia of all things (she knows languages well) as him just being on meds, not remembering what he said anyway. (But it did give her the smallest amount of hope, even if she’ll never admit that) And then the night under the fireworks happened, and she was just coming around to the idea that maybe, she did have feelings for him after all, and it was not a awful thing that she did. Up to this point, I think this may be different in-game, but it my head, she was using “Commanding Agent” exclusively, but near the end, she started to use his name more. And then that month of separation happened, and it absolutely tore her up inside, though she tried to act like she was not bothered by it, and she reverted back to his title, finding it easier for her bruised heart to deal with. Now, back to the actual question (said I would keep this brief, apparently not haha). Natasha has put the carnival picture out of her mind, almost completely forgetting about it, so if she was to find to find out that Adam had it, she’d be quite shocked. Openly, she might not say much, acting as if she almost expected him to have it, but on the inside? A flower of almost hope would bloom, that maybe, just maybe, he’s not as apathetic toward her as he would like her to believe. She wouldn’t push it, not sure how to take her own walls coming down, much less trying to force anyone else’s, but it would be a sign for her, that’s she is not the only one struggling with this. :D

Mason and Mariana- Personally, how do you think your detective will react when M admits they have deeper feelings for the detective?

The funny thing about Mari? She got with Mason under the impression it would be a fling and nothing else, and had not idea she was going to “catch feelings” Currently, she’s still pretty unaware of what is feeling, and what she really wants, but she gets the desire to be close to him in just a friendly way, and she’s not sure why that is. It’s almost a softer feeling, much sweeter then her usual smirk, and while she does not fully understand it, she doesn’t want to push it away. Now, at this point, does she think it will ever be something serious? No. In her eyes, she knew this was going to be unserious when she got into it, and even if she wanted that to change, it’s not fair to her to expect Mason to also want the same thing. Her first hint of deeper feelings was after Mason was injured after the mission with the trappers, and the raw fear that filled her. Now, she’s rationalizing those now as being upset a team mate was injured, but I don’t think she’s always going to be able to do so. Right now, Mari is afraid of being vulnerable, afraid that giving someone her heart would just give the power to destroy her. But, it has not gone unnoticed the unsarcastic way he’s been using “sweetheart”, and while she has been chided herself for her reaction to it, she can not say that she has not been touched by it. So, when Mason actually admits he was deeper feelings? Since I’m not sure when Book that will be in, I’m not as sure on Mari’s reaction, but I do think it will be a great relief to her. That she was not the only one with this confusing mess of feelings, and at the point where it would probably be, she’ll have the desire to want a serious relationship for the first time in her life. :)

These all got very long, but I hope you liked them! Thank you for asking! You’re the best! ❤

[myhahnestopinion]

THE AARONS 2019 - Best TV Episode

A lot of streaming services are switching over to a more traditional weekly release of episodes instead of dumping a whole season all at once. It may be because they, like me, want to highlight the unique achievements of singular episodes. It could also be that they don’t want people, like me, signing up for free trials to binge watch one show and then cancelling before they are billed anything... Here are the Aarons for Best TV Episode:

#10. “Chapter Fifty-One: Big Fun” (Riverdale, Season 3, Episode 16)

Chapter Fifty-One of Riverdale is quite aptly named. With a talented young cast on hand, Riverdale often indulges in music numbers, but their full-blown musical episodes still manage to stand out. Incorporating songs from the Broadway adaptation of Heathers, Riverdale uses the famous high-school satire as a meta-criticism of its own ever-growing ridiculousness. The characters give a fervent lament of their inability to be just regular high school students, but, in the end, are forced to confront their status as mere players on a stage and puppets of a ravenous following. Riverdale is often quite fun; how much more can it do for our amusement?

#9. “Striking Vipers” (Black Mirror, Season 5, Episode 1)

Though it made its name in pessimistic twist of fortune, Black Mirror has been best when indulging in affectionate tales. In its fifth season premiere, what begins as two friends testing out a near-future fighting video game swiftly and surprisingly switches gears into a sweet story of longing and vulnerability. The episode chooses not to map its relationship onto any existing conceptions of sexuality and gender, suggesting ways in which they may continue to evolve alongside new technology. Though there are hints on darkness on its edges, the episode is one of the heart-warming tales that have always been the series’ most striking.

#8. “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” (Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 2)

The second episode of Game of Thrones’ final season was the calm before the storm in more ways than realized at the time. As its characters brace for their imminent battle against an undead horde with a night of quiet companionship, the show produced its last great moments before being swallowed by backlash to its rushed and illogical ending. Unlike the show after that point, the episode does right by its characters, building off their storied histories and delivering earned and endearing pay-offs to several relationships. “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” forges the last vestige of good in its world; it would have been wise to say ‘good night’ afterward.

#7. “The Trial” (What We Do in The Shadows, Season 1, Episode 7)

The What We Do in The Shadows franchise has conjured a lot of comedy from the long legacy of vampire tropes; in the seventh episode of the new TV iteration, it put the spotlight on the various actors who made up that legacy. As our regular characters arrive for their criminal trial, the show lines up an impressive amount of guest stars, including, but not limited to, Tilda Swinton, Evan Rachel Wood, Wesley Snipes, and the trio from the original What We Do in The Shadows movie. The show doesn’t just use these stars to hang upside down on its laurels though; it’s plump with jokes certain to stir the blood. It’s a very large gathering of vampires, and it doesn’t suck one bit.

#6. “Replay” (The Twilight Zone, Season 1, Episode 3)

Jordan Peele was a promising voice to head up the new incarnation of The Twilight Zone, but the insightful, livid spark of his film projects seemed to get lost along the way for most of the season. “Replay”, though, was one that managed to replicate it. Like the best of the franchise, the situations are supernormal, but the anxieties are very real: a mother discovers a video camera that can rewind time, but still finds herself unable to protect her son from a prejudiced cop hunting them down. The fear of powerlessness is all too palpable; though a fantastic episode that’s worth a watch, it would be hard to sit through again.

#5. “Danny Patrol” (Doom Patrol, Season 1, Episode 8)

The company’s new streaming service has likely doomed Legends of Tomorrow from ever being able to reclaim its title as weirdest DC television series ever. Taking inspiration from writer Grant Morrison’s run in the comics, Doom Patrol is pure absurdity. In episode 8, the team’s quest to find their kidnapped leader brings them into the path of Danny, a sentient genderqueer teleporting street (Yes, like the streets you drive on. This one has thoughts and feelings and can teleport). This odd premise paves the way for the show to reemphasize its core message of learning to love one’s self. The episode most affecting moment is its big karaoke celebration of this idea from Matt Bomer’s Negative Man; the streets are alive with the sound of music. 

#4. “A Quick One, While He’s Away” (BoJack Horseman, Season 6, Episode 8)

The first half of BoJack Horseman’s final season spent a lot of time saddling up its characters to ride off into the sunset… and one episode indicating they won’t get off that easy. The show has frequently experimented with new storytelling tactics, but it has never felt as purposeful as this one, which focuses exclusively on three ancillary characters from the show’s run. The show effortless transplants its engrossing conflicts and noted animal puns to the new trio, but the tragedy at play is knowing, without it being explicitly stated, that we are witnessing BoJack’s worst actions still reverberating in the lives of others. As the show prepares its definitive statement on the series-long question of whether BoJack can find happiness, the toughest answer to acknowledge is that we’ve been backing the wrong horse.

#3. “407 Proxy Authentication Required” (Mr. Robot, Season 4, Episode 7)

While its long-gestating final confrontation against the manipulators of the world economy wouldn’t be for another handful of episodes, “407 Proxy Authentication Required” was the one that finally brought balance to the world of Mr. Robot. Pairing down its characters and sets and stabilizing the series’ deliberately off-kilter cinematography, the episode unfolds as an intimate five act play, slowly preparing Elliot and the audience for a heart-wrenching revelation. It’s a brutal, but ultimately cathartic bit of television, and the finest hour the show has produced. The series rips all its long-standing proxies away, leaving the viewer no choice but to engage with its raw pain and hope for healing.

#2. “I’m In Love” (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 4, Episode 17)    

After an improbable four season run, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend gave its final bow in 2019, but the show had one last dramatic turn before exiting stage left for good. Having held herself responsible for her actions and addressed her underlying issues, the series finale, in which she is torn between three equally meaningful romantic interests, sees Rebecca Bunch thoroughly and healthily in love. In its final twist, the episode’s title proves as much of a misnomer as the series’ has been all along. Subversive, stirring, and sidesplitting to its very last breath, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s impeccable eleven o’clock number sent the series off on a high note.

AND THE BEST TV EPISODE OF 2019 IS...

#1. “This Extraordinary Being” (Watchmen, Season 1, Episode 6)

Masks as a method to hide trauma was a prominent theme of the Watchmen comic; the TV show sequel added a few interesting wrinkles to the idea. In its boldest reinvention of the source material, the episode presents an interpretive origin story of the mysterious comic character Hooded Justice through the eyes of his descendant, laying bare the show’s anxieties of inter-generational trauma. Just as the comic toyed with the composition of its medium, the episode also engages with its own make-up. It illustrates the visual arts’ power to either further the erasure or promote the healing of such lingering pain. As a singular piece of television, comprised as it is with standout guest actors and impressive technical qualities, it’s a great use of the artform; placed within the context of its historic inspirations on- and off- the page, it’s something truly extraordinary. 

NEXT UP: THE 2019 AARON FOR BEST TV PERFORMANCE!

[garazza]

Action Comics #1022 Review

“The House of Kent: Part 1″

Starting off, we have the 9-panel grid. Because Tom King likes to use it to show off that he read Watchmen (before promptly abusing the layout to death), everyone and their mother has been scrambling to shove it somewhere in their work and try to get a useless amount of perceived street cred to show that they too had read Watchmen (killing the layout even more). Since it’s all the rage, Bendis does it here.

I actually like the third panel. As Stan Lee said, every comic is someone’s first comic (and this is the first chapter in a “highly” anticipated arc). Instead of an editor’s note, Bendis explains Kelex through dialogue that is expositional but not unnatural or clunky. But why explain Kelex of all things? My answer is well, why not? Supposedly, Conner is as unformed about a lot of things as is a potential new reader and Superman informs him in a manner that is not entirely out place, even to current readers.

Then Conner explains his origin and touches upon the fact that we’ve had a few different continuities since his creation in 1993. He is excited and curious in the first four panels and then immediately deflates in the last four. I think Bendis is trying to have the best of both worlds by writing both an excited Conner (something that fans are supposed to respond positively towards) and a depressed Conner (because he has been a victim of the discontinuity perpetuated by DC editorial and made no better by Bendis).

We get a double-page splash of the two Kents conversing that I like, especially the color of the Fortress. The conversation is very Bendis, but not offensively so. It serves its purpose, can’t be too upset about that. He tries to depict Conner as nervous, but I really hate how it’s done, it’s like reading an accent phonetically.

uwu what’s this? A fundamental misunderstanding and misinterpretation of a character? In my Bendis book? It’s more likely than you think.

Conner has literally never been little. He was created as a teenage clone of Superman and he stayed a teenage clone of Superman. He came out the test tube the punk Metropolis Kid, not the toddling Metropolis Tyke. A really big conceit of his character is that he will never look older or younger than a teenager. That’s why a lot of eyebrows were raised when in his first reappearance Bendis chose to depict him with stubble.

Another example of Bendis-speak that is fun and full of charm and character, but the characterization for the characters who are conversing is just…off. It’s a conversation these types of characters would have, just not these characters specifically.

You know, for a character that supposedly Bendis hates and wants to write off and make inaccessible to all other writers and artists, he sure writes about Jon a lot. Bendis forces Jon into the future, cutting him off not just from everything he knows and loves, but from, more importantly, the readers. This reinforces the gravity and seriousness of him being written off, but Bendis constantly undermines this hostage situation of his own creation by having him come back to the present quite often. You put characters on a bus to make them go away forever, but the bus keeps returning to the station. And the most baffling part? You’re the driver, Bendis! Commit to the fucking bit!

Jon and Braniac 5 are chumming it up, because they are toooooootally buddies, you can read alllllll about Jon’s actual, very real, and totally not non-existent friendships with the Legionnaires in Legion of Super-Heroes by Brian Michael Bendis and Ryan Sook, because Jon totally has finished watching the Legion orientation film that totally didn’t take more than 5 issues to even get him to watch and he wasn’t even interrupted once. The book is soooooo well developed and evenly paced and not at alllllll bloated behind belief.

Jon acts like he came home from college to do laundry and eat some home cooking and forgot to call ahead, like he totally isn’t supposed to stay in the future.

Me, too, Conner. I don’t know who this character is either.

We also get to see his new costume here, which I hate. The one positive thing I could say about this new character when he was first introduced in Bendis’ Superman run was that I really liked his costume. It had the cyber-armor look of the New 52 Superman suit, but wasn’t too over-designed. It worked, it looked cool. This new look is just kinda bleh. It has the ugliness of the New 52 with none of the intricacies that made it look cool and unique.

We were never going to any meeting between the two Superboys that can even remotely be called good or worthwhile. I appreciate the naiveté of certain fans who enjoy things at face value because, factually, they got what they wanted. Fans wanted this meeting and they got it, which will make the happy, but it is not at all satisfying, which is what they should care about.

Bendis has a firm understanding of Superman and his voice. The same cannot be for Jon Kent. This character is not Jon Kent. He is not written out of character because this is not his character. What we got here is not what we wanted. This is Bendis and DC editorial banking that fans will rationalize to themselves that the crumbs they deigned to give fans is actually a feast worthy of praise and exaltation (look no further than Superman #16).

Oh and by the way, this is all we get for the meeting. The rest of the issue is “wHaT’S ThE DeAl cOnNeR KeNt?”

I’m skipping over the Daily Planet stuff because I don’t care about it and it doesn’t piss me off.

Instead, I will quickly address this: “The rumor come out, does Jonathan Kent is gay?”

I want to say this came about because Jon called Conner’s leather jacket “fabulous”, but it seems this idea existed before this issue was even released. The most I can find in relation to Jon being gay is this article written 2016 and this funny little exchange in the comments of one of Bendis’ Instagram posts.

I knew I was not straight when I was in grade school and it would be amazing if such a high profile character like Jon came out. It would normalize the idea that being gay isn’t something exclusively sexual or adult, but that there is nothing wrong for kids to have feelings for someone their own age who is the same sex. But I don’t trust DC to even attempt this. If they can’t even make Dick Grayson bi, then it’s not likely for any other character to come out.

And just because he described something as “fabulous”, that doesn’t make him gay. It’s an odd choice of words, sure, but word choice is no real indication of sexuality. In an interview with ComicPOP, Todd McFarlane described a box for a figure as “sexy” and “sassy” that I might have instead referred to as “cool” or “awesome.” I think Todd’s word choice is oddly fitting, but it was not something I would have thought to use before hearing him use it in the interview, and it does not at all call into his sexuality. I have a similar sentiment about “fabulous.”

Back to the story, Superman takes Conner to meet some of the intellectual experts in the DC universe to help figure out his deal. They have some “fun” Bendis dialogue and touch upon the multiverse and continuity that Bendis has been helping shape even though he literally has never worked for DC until very recently, relatively speakingm and yet is being trusted with the word “crisis.”  And what do you mean you’ve been rebooted at least three times, I thought it was seven times according to Young Justice #1, one of the first issues Bendis wrote for DC.

I saw a Reddit post a little while back that compiled clues and subtle hints that were spread out among several titles, including Tom King, Scott Snynder, and Bendis’ various books, that tied them all together with Doomsday Clock. It demonstrated a remarkable amount of coordination that I thought impossible given who it involved, but the evidence was pretty convincing. However, this was before Dan Didio was fired and they were able to avert 5G. Now that they’ve had time to regroup, I think this issue is sowing some more of those seeds that’ll eventually be dealt with by Synder’s Death Metal.

Here’s some more of that fundamental misunderstanding and misinterpretation of a character. Conner was not “raised” by the Kents. They cared for him, sure, but I wouldn’t call what they did raising.

What is being referred to here is Geoff Johns’ run with Conner Kent in Adventure Comics which took place in 2009. What that contributed to the character was only a relatively recent development in Conner’s history. It should be noted he started living with the Kents in 2002. His solo book was cancelled with Connor being dropped off by Clark at his parent’s house on the very last page. Any sort of “raising” would have occurred off panel during that time and is largely not expanded upon because there was literally no book to depict that kind of relationship until after he had died in 2006 and was brought back in 2009. They are not the sole contributors to his life like it is implied here. He lived in Hawaii and worked for Cadmus for far longer than he lived with the Kents.

And here we have Jon casually referring to Ma and Pa Kent as Grandma and Grandpa like he actually knew them instead of just knowing of them. For those of you don’t know, they were dead when Tomasi and Gleason were writing Superman and were only just recently brought back in Doomsday Clock which concluded well after Tomasi and Gleason had left the book, so Jon never met them. At the absolute most he’s heard stories, looked at pictures, and seen home movies of the Kents. You could say I’m nitpicking, but Bendis deserves it. You can feel his disregard for others’ work throughout his other books, and its panels like this that are the proof.

Jon literally has no reason to know that Ma and Pa Kent are alive. No reason. Jon’s smug face is Bendis’ way of say “Aren’t I a stinker?”

Fuck. You. Bendis.

You do not get to pretend that stories you made impossible to tell of Jon spending time with his grandparents actually did happen. Is this interaction cute and fun and a little bit wholesome? Yes. But is it genuine? Absolutely not. He’s just trying to cash in on what he thinks fans want to see with none of the heart and soul.

And now Clark is acting like Jon is visiting from college.

Piss your pants, Bendis. Jon would never refer to his best friend Damian Wayne like that. If someone else referred to Damian like that when Jon was around, he would correct them and say something along the lines of “He’s not so bad once you get to know him.” Stop pushing the narrative that Damian is some sort of demon hellspawn or psycho killer. He’s a flawed kid with a dark past that wants to be better but struggles with it and needs friends like Jon to support him. This continues to show that Bendis literally does not understand this character and why fans get upset when he writes him this way.

Another 9-panel grid, but this is not Tom King-inspired, but actually befitting the moment. Bendis still think Conner was literally raised by the Kents instead of just living with them, but I really have no skin the game of Conner being recognized as a part of the Kent family, so this doesn’t piss me off much.

I know this is supposed to be emotional because they just reunited, but the dialogue seems to suggest something more ominous and insidious is going on, something bigger than any one of them (Crisis, I know, but its kind of obnoxiously on the nose and yet unnecessarily vague).

The issue actually ends with the story I don’t really care about, so that’s the review.

Note: I realized about part way through writing this post how pissy and whiny I might sound, but I spent too much writing it to not post it.

[ctl-yuejie]

opinion on the term bl?

uhhhhhh…very complicated. I might have written a whole rant post before on the topic on this blog on an empty stomach so it was most likely not very nuanced (I think it was about people saying that The Untamed didn’t count as BL).

buckle in, this got suuuper long

tbh i first came into contact with the term in the early 2000s and since the internet didn’t play any role at my age then, the only context I had were magazines (here in Europe) and manga publications.

I knew that BL was a whole genre in Manga and that it featured gay romance and that fans / content creators would refer to themselves at fujoshi. Now, at that time I was only figuring out that I was bi, didn’t know any Japanese and didn’t have any friends with cultural ties to Japan.

So based on the magazines I read, I started to believe that “Fujoshi” literally meant “Rotten Girl” because of the taboo of same-sex relationships and the tantalizing sense of the forbidden that comes with it.

While I read some BL manga (couldn’t tell you the titles anymore), I never referred to myself as a Fujoshi or being into BL because both terms seemed to apply only to Japanese people and the sense of “the forbidden” in regards to same-sex relationships didn’t fit to my reality (having been to a same-sex marriage with my family at age 8 etc) and also felt demeaning to me.

After learning Japanese and living in Japan I didn’t really question my aversion to the terms, since I did have access to the internet now but didn’t think of fact-checking everything I had “learned” pre-internet (I think it is important to note here that the magazines weren’t the highest in quality in terms of journalistic prowess nor scientific in any way. They were just short entertaining articles, aimed at teenagers like me, trying to profit from the still ongoing wave of japanese pop culture in the west) and my only experience with both bl content and real life fujoshi wasn’t that positive:

My feelings on BL and fujoshi culture were heavily influenced by 

- the wave of very sad and traumatizing gay movies in Japan that most of the time ended in double suicides of the main characters

- rape storylines getting romanticized in manga

- pretty heavily stereotyped gay characters in main stream tv series that were only there for comedic relief

- the Fujoshi I knew back then being weirded out by the thought of same-sex relationships between women and basing their thought on gay men solely on the content they consumed 

- not finding the hailed “subversion of traditional gender roles” or discussion thereof in the BL my friends consumed. 

- my gay friends in japan having very frustrating encounters with fujoshi who started to treat them like an open air circus and not making them feel supported in real life 

- people around me making judgments based on attractiveness on whether gay people should get supported, while the hint of a celebrity being gay was weaponized  against them

now, this pretty much sums up, why I tended to have negative thoughts on the subject and felt more sympathetic to the push from some people in the queer community in japan to please retire terms like “uke” and “seme” when talking about real people.

since then, i didn’t intervene when other female friends in japan would use the term for themselves, because it still was a term coined in japan and those people were actually supportive of queer people so i didn’t see how me being preachy about it just because of my experience and not calling myself a fujoshi or fan of bl would be of any help and/or called for.

jump to 2018/2019 and i started to read more papers about it on a whim because i started to watch Crossing The Line and for the first time in a long while I was in a fandom again where people called the genre “BL” and themselves fujoshi/fudanshi.

I came to know that what I assumed the origin story of the term “Fujoshi” to be had been misreported (shocker) by the magazines back in my youth and that apparently the term was also widely used in Thailand, Taiwan and Mainland China. especially the knowledge that apparently TERFs were behind a pushback of the term made me reevaluate my opinion.

Since I have really no insight into Chinese or Thai culture it is not on me to judge whether it is appropriate for people there to use BL as a genre signifier etc and from all I have read, in some cases it is really about finding a way of creating and distributing queer content in a place that is not lgbtqi+ friendly or use it as means of finding expressions for one’s own sexuality etc.

Obv. there are genre conventions I will get annoyed about and criticize (all female characters are evil etc) but those things are also not BL exclusive so there’s not much sense in condemning a whole genre that at least tries to push some conventions.

With the Internet and a global push for more lgbtqi+ rights there is now definitely a strong symbiotic relationship between queer content and real life social changes. so being harder on queer content (in general) because it isn’t perfect doesn’t make anything better for queer people. 

nowadays there has been some wonderful content in japan with a push for real life legal changes as well, taiwan has the marriage for all and thailand is also pushing for a civil union for everyone.

especially in the case of mainland china with strict censorship rules i will congratulate anyone who tries to sneak some ambiguity in. it saddens me that the rules are as strict and that there are even more hardships for lgbtqi+ people in real life but i would never say that not creating any content that could be interpreted as queer should be favoured over trying to do something, regardless of how lacking the result might seem. 

The reason why I ranted about BL as a genre term recently was mostly directed at western fans with no cultural ties to any of the aforementioned cultures, but i definitely didn’t stress that enough in my previous post.

Since I still don’t call myself a fujoshi or being into the BL genre I am suspicious of western fans calling themselves as such. because i project my own experience and knowledge on them and there are people out there who definitely emphasize the cheeky “rotten” side of themselves while not knowing (like past me) where the term comes from and that it does’t have to do with any “forbidden fruit”. i assume a certain laziness when straight people will try and convince me that they are allies to me, because they consume BL series, but will still call me “the man” in the relationship etc.

There can definitely be a need for a similar outlet that allows people to write about gender roles, sexualities etc in a similar way but very often the argument of “it is female empowerment to be into BL” is just warping the origin story of the term into an excuse for homophobic statements. I see the term get applied to western shows as well (when there isn’t a need for using a Japanese term, especially not when there’s a missing understanding of its origin) and actual mlm shows in asia being dismissed just because it doesn’t fit the BL genre conventions (point and example: people in the west discounting The Untamed as mlm content because they weren’t explicit about it; What Did You Eat Yesterday getting dismissed because of similar reasons and the diversion from presumed age and beauty standards of BL as a genre). That way western fans made BL feel quite restrictive and not interchangeable with mlm anymore, which just confounds me.

in the end it also comes down to scope: someone writing fanfiction, producing small indie series cannot really be harmful even when they content might seem so. so regardless of what the genre entails it is important to put everything in perspective and whether this is the hill someone wants to die on, instead of leaving space for artistic expression, cultural differences and celebrating the steps into a more loving world for all.

tl;dr: I feel many emotions; there’s always space to learn more and I am grateful to everyone who made posts about the racism in criticizing the terms “Fujoshi” / “BL”; I don’t use the term myself, but only feel wary when westerners use it; personally I prefer to use mlm or wlw as content describers but I am also not 100% satisfied with that as well

ask me my opinion on ______

[nerdsideofthemedia]

BB & Renora

I usually don’t tend to spend so much time on shipping, but this one, it feels like the reason is so questioned and even denied is in no small part due to homophobia and heteronormativity. Honestly, if you keep denying it’s basically almost certain now, I’d call it homophobia, unless you don’t think Renora became canon in V4 either. The parallels are as on the nose as they can be and BB had much more romantic buildup and this is part of what I intend to show here.

Just to make things clear, I am not doing this to attack Renora. I think that romance was handled well enough, it’s just too bad that it’s demanded a whole lot more from LGBTQ+ couples. I just want to show that if we want to be pedantic nitpickers who find justifications to see Renora as just a friendship, we can do that, so how come only BB is subjected to such scrutiny?

 What was the evidence for Renora before V4?

Was it Nora touching Ren’s nose and saying “Boop”? They’re childhood friends, it’s normal for them to be very close and have gestures specific to them. OK, I don’t really have to guess, because a BSer decided to start a conversation with me, complaining how me saying stuff like BB is canon or close to that made LGBTQ+ raise expectations and the writers would have to deal with queerbaiting accusations when BS becomes canon, which: yes, if BS happens, there will be queerbaiting accusations, which would be more than fair and would have nothing to do with me. (Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just don’t really think I wield that much power within the RWBY community). Fortunately, they did direct to a post about the Renora romantic hints:

        - Boop, but if we’re looking at songs, BB isn’t lacking those, including the very first one Red Like Roses. All that Matters and Armed and Ready have lines with romantic connotation and I’ll always argue that though Bmblb isn’t canon, it would have been extremely stupid to create such a song with no intention on delivering. Queerbaiting is not seen as a good thing. Also I’d like to remind you that RT has been supportive of LGBTQ+ with 2 of the main RWBY VAs being bi. 

        - Jaune, the oblivious guy, picked it up when he asked Ren how he and Nora had gotten together, to which I say: Jaune, the oblivious guy, could have easily misinterpreted a close friendship as a romantic relationship.

        - Ren stammers when correcting Jaune and he is usually cool and collected. Still, I’d say it’s normal for teenagers to act that way when there’s crush accusation. That’s exactly how I was as a teenager, even if I didn’t have a crush on the guy. 

        - Nora’s words: “What are the odds we’d still be together?” followed by “Well, not ‘together-together’… Not that I’m not saying that you’re not handsome; you are handsome, but that’d just be weird, right?”, which the person argued “After that she’s just fumbling for words, and reveals more about how she feels about Ren. She didn’t have to say anythinggg. But she did, and now we know that she thinks Ren is handsome (well, duh). If her feelings for him were completely platonic, she wouldn’t have said anything like that. There’d be no reason for her to. Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.”

When I was a teenager, I literally fumbled over words in a pretty similar way to Nora, including the handsome part, I was not interested in the guy I said that to.

Yes, this isn’t real life, it’s a show, so words like those maybe should have a better reason to be there then verisimilitude of teenage awkwardness, I guess – it’s debatable. Here’s the thing, how can you argue romance as not only one possible interpretation, but THE correct interpretation because of the implication of such words, yet deny the romance as a possible interpretation of Yang and Blake’s scenes despite the implication of a girl flirting with another while phrasing it “coming out tomorrow”, or associating those 2 girls with the word “love”, or having one of the girls stroking a photo of the other one or traveling on a ship named “Pride” or having the ex-boyfriend asking “what does she even see in you?” – all of which are far far more coded as romantic than any of the Renora moments. I think the “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.” applies to all the cases described.

 Renora became undeniable at the end of V4 though, as Ren put his hand over Nora’s. They look at each other, both of them know what that means.

Wait, no, sorry, wrong pictures.

As I was saying they look at each other: they both know what that means. That’s right, they’re really good friends. Wait… no. They’re in love. That’s it. They’re in love.

Did you get my joke and what was being called out or do I have to be even more obvious?

I’m going to flat out say it: if you consider Renora became canon in that moment in V4, BB should be considered canon now. They parallel each other, and the whole excuse that Blake and Yang only held hands to show support after facing their demon can also be used for Renora.

 Just a few bonus anti-BB arguments:

Yang can’t represent Yang in Yin-Yang because she’s not a man

Sun doesn’t embody all the concepts of Yang either, so it’s weird to draw an exclusion criteria for Yang but not for Sun (or Blake for that matter). If only Yang hadn’t used a yellow dress, it could have driven the point of Yin-Yang. Wait…

It didn’t actually click for me as to why Yang used a white dress until I watched Passion of the Nerd’s video on Primeval (Buffy). While watching it, I was like:

(Apparently, Yang’s dress was supposed to be yellow, but there was an animation problem. Still, it was a cool thought)

“We can’t trust Adam, he’s delusional even Blake said so herself”

Adam clearly had his reasons to believe those were their feelings, because he didn’t show jealousy immediately. Also why would the writers write those lines with no intention on delivering? Adam didn’t need to be jealous to attack Yang – he wanted to hurt Blake, so attacking her to hurt the latter would be good enough reason, not to mention she was standing in the way of his mission.

Again, I quote the person who tried to defend Renora, yet attack BB: “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.“

 Ruin the team dynamics

I find it funny that the people who criticize Yang for not making her life revolve around Ruby are also the ones who complain about how Bumblebee ruins team dynamics because two characters now prioritize each other. I’m sure this isn’t motivated by homophobia, especially considering the same logic is never used for Renora and even Arkos (don’t even bother with team JNPR aren’t main characters: they’ve appeared almost as much as the main ones), and misogyny, because how dare Yang not be completely about putting Ruby first at all times?

If having 2 sisters on the same team doesn’t ruin the dynamics, then a romantic relationship doesn’t either. It’s not like sisters don’t put each other first too.

I just address the assertion she treated Summer poorly which is based on absolutely nothing other than crapping on a female character just for the sake of it. Yang probably loved Summer and thought she was her mother until told otherwise which happened after Summer’s death.

 They ruined Adam because of BB

They didn’t. Adam was never intended to be an anti-hero with a chance for redemption. If you had that idea, it’s on you. His death didn’t happen just because either – it did because it ended both Yang and Blake’s arcs, it marked the end of a chapter in their lives as well as the beginning of their relationship which is only possible precisely because they confronted their demons. It’s the ultimate obstacle that confirms that Blake will no longer run and instead faces her demon and Yang confronted her abandonment issues in V5 when she talked to Raven, yet she still had to deal with the pain caused by Blake leaving and trust her. Their fight with Adam and her reassuring Blake she knows she won’t leave shows Yang knows Blake isn’t Raven: one ran out of selfishness, while the other ran out of selflessness, however misguided. Adam going down is tied to their closure.

And for the love of all that is good and pure, stop saying a relationship isn’t healthy because someone was hurt. Yes, it’s true we should avoid hurting each other, but to think we’ll never hurt someone and call a relationship abusive as soon as someone is hurt is ridiculous. There are no healthy relationships by that standard.

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

[citialiin]

ZIGGY ✰ STARDUST

i jacked this from @cardinalrot​. thank you dad. tagging: @gothsic​ ; @blossomingbeelzebug​ ; @betelguide​ ; @thatcertainnight​ ; @prophesyed​ ; you, specifically, reading this.

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     [ redacted ] * NICKNAME.     ziggy  GENDER.     agender (he/him or they/them) / typically presents as a “man” for simplicity’s sake and also because he doesn’t care enough to think about it for more than 4 seconds HEIGHT.     5′10″ AGE.     26 (earth years) ZODIAC.     ??? (he wasn’t born under our stars ... so .......) SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     any/all (he doesn’t really know them, though, he uses an internal translator)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     bright red, seemingly unnatural -- but it’s natural EYE COLOR.     left pale blue, right black SKIN TONE.     very, very, very pale BODY TYPE.     skinny. very skinny/slender/svelte.  willowy and tall and bony.  good for looking waifish on magazine covers but bad for lifting even vaguely heavy objects. VOICE.     posh, nasally, low, the slightest bit condescending.  speaks with an english accent despite not being english, let alone human.  drawls his vowels and enunciates his letters.  his voice is strangely clear and bright when he sings, unlike his somewhat unpleasant speaking tone, and he tends to sing in higher pitches than his speaking voice. DOMINANT HAND.     ambidextrous -- but he can only play the guitar left handed POSTURE.     very straight and proper, holds his head high and his shoulders square.  uncertain if it’s height alone or if he really is looking down upon you.   SCARS.     small incision in the back of his neck where the translator was placed. barely there and usually covered by a collar or his hair, anyways. TATTOOS.      none BIRTHMARKS.     a large yellow disc on his forehead, rimmed with a slightly darker yellow/bronze with the slightest hint of a chromatic shift affect due to reflecting/light catching pigment in skin cells.  this isn’t unique to him, however, as every member of his race has it. has the tiniest hint of a freckle above his lip, on the left side, and he hates it and wishes he could nuke it off his face.  both of these are usually covered, anyways. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     the circular mark, his unusual eyes, his sharp features, his bright hair. everything about him is weird and outlandish and strange, but it helps him maintain a striking, marketable image.  

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     far away.  HOMETOWN.    faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away. SIBLINGS.    [ grabs the steering wheel and veers straight into worldbuilding headcanon territory ] the society he comes from is no longer sexually dimorphic and typically doesn’t reproduce the natural way.  having evolved far beyond such icky things, they use genetic samples from large swaths of the population to make consistent batches of new individuals -- the genetic samples are screened for defects and aberrations and sort of tossed together into a genome salad, and out comes however many individuals they need to fill in gaps in the population.  there’s a lot of consistency in his species due to this: everyone has reddish hair, everyone has heterochromia, everyone is about the same height, etc.  so technically, he’s related to everyone in his “batch.” PARENTS.   he wouldn’t ever know -- a lot of people, probably

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    rockstar -- cultural icon -- celebrity -- musician -- singer -- model -- jerk CURRENT RESIDENCE.    london, LA, NYC, but he’s constantly moving and tours quite often CLOSE FRIENDS.    few and far in between -- he’s friends with his drummer who is named priscilla but usually goes by the stage name WEIRD, as well as siddharth, his bassist, who goes by sid in his personal life but GILLY on stage.  they were the first two humans to encounter him and taught him everything he knows, from how to tie his shoes (aliens wear boots, and you should know this) to the C major scale -- because they are among the few humans who know his secret, he views them as his closest and dearest friends.  his stardom isolates him from them, just a little -- he likes the spotlight but they don’t mind just being “the drummer” and “the bassist.”  they don’t quite have the star power that he does.  his manager  -- tama ahinariki, some guy from new zealand who seemed to bumble his way into becoming in charge of one of the most successful musicians of the decade -- also knows he’s an alien, but they tend to be more business partners than close friends.  tama is more interested in the money side of things whereas priscilla and sid are only interested in the music.  ziggy has stock in the music, money, and his personal brand.  

via rp, he’s made some friends with other characters! a few. very few.  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    single -- he intends to stay that way.  he gets all the action he could ever need from his legion of devoted fans and groupies.  even in situations where he’s romantically involved and emotionally invested, he would never consider himself exclusive or monogamous.   a lot of tabloids make rumors that he’s involved with cardinal copia, fellow rock icon, but he tends to be sneaky at hiding any time they spent together.  it’s hard to keep things private when you’re both massively popular public figures, though. he goes out of his way to be sure no one knows about his predilection for spending time with thomas, because the last thing an awkward alien in disguise needs is a lot of public attention because people think you’re dating a celebrity (who they don’t know is also an alien). he hangs around annie a lot, too, but this is extra extra under wraps, because annie has a stalker named jonathan who may or may not go apeshit and try to tear his head off or something if he finds out.   FINANCIAL STATUS.    filthy rich. should be guillotined.   DRIVER’S LICENSE.    doesn’t have one. he has some paperwork, somewhere, with a “real” name and all that, but he has no idea where it is and lets his manager deal with that stuff. CRIMINAL RECORD.    none ! clean slate.  that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do illegal things, though.  he just doesn’t get caught.   VICES.    smoking, drinking, la cocaina, sex, impulsive spendng, rockstar stuff.  

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   bisexual. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  | top |  bottom | verse. this doesn’t really come up in rp because i dont write nsfw. the way i view it is that he’s lazy and would rather you take care of him than the other way around LIBIDO.    pretty high, but it’s difficult for him to have as much sex as he might prefer because, uh, he has, uh, alien..............parts...........and stuff ..... like ....... some parts down there look different ....... so he’s stuck having sex with usually in the dark, under sheets, and he has to zip his pants up really quick afterwards. maybe it’s a little bit hilarious and i just think it’s funny idk LOVE LANGUAGE.    selflessness (which is big, for him, king of all douchebags and lord selfish dickhead the third), rambling to you about his day, physical affection, gifts, letting you see him without make up, opening up to you about his life before earth.  he might play you music, sing to you or write you songs if he’s feeling particularly sappy.  this is stuff reserved for people that he finds himself incredibly romantically/emotionally attached to, though, not the people he has one night stands with.  and he almost never forms any sort of lasting attachment to the people he sleeps with casually. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    he tends to fall for people who challenge him in some way, who aren’t easily beguiled by his status and physical looks, but who aren’t outright mean to him.  that being said, he is very vain, and he loves being showered in compliments, praise or attention.  he matches well with people who can put up with his antics and moodiness and odd behavior.  he likes the idea of being someone’s muse or someone’s idol, so he finds himself drawn to other creative types.  he has the most intimate/special connections with other nonhuman beings, especially other aliens, cuz he feels like they Get him and he wouldn’t be really giving himself in his fullest form if he had to still play pretend that he was a human being.  for whatever reason he goes apeshit for goth guys/dudes with black hair who wear a lot of black.  he really doesn’t like people who are too much like him, because HE’S HIM, and you’re YOU, and he really wants it to stay that way.  GET OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   there’s a whole album about him .......... theres a song called “ziggy stardust” .......  HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    singing, music, writing -- he lives for that shid.  he likes art in all forms, so he reads, watches movies, looks at paintings -- he has a lot of human culture to catch up on, and he loves all of it, from any time period and any culture.  he also likes buying things, shopping, looking nice, gossip.  he tends to be a party animal (party alien?) and often indulges in more hedonistic fun. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    his brain is not structured like a human brain. also, head empty.  no thoughts. FEARS.    being perceived as ugly or untalented, being outed as an alien, being rejected for being an alien, becoming a nobody, losing his social status, becoming a conformist, becoming “outdated” or “uncool” SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    somehow sky high and on the floor at the same time. he usually thinks he can do anything and he’s pretty perfect, but that may just be from a solid few years of repeating that to himself and empty praise given by people who are just crazy obsessed with him -- he built his confidence level on a very shaky foundation, so it’s easy to start making him doubt himself and panic if you know what to criticize him on VULNERABILITIES.    a lot of things, and im sick of typing

* pay me 100000 USD to unlock my LEVEL 20 ZIGGY STARDUST LORE pack now with NAMING/TITLE INFORMATION, HOME PLANET CLIMATE/WEATHER PATTERNS and PAST OCCUPATION/EDUCATION information.  includes a piece of gum i found on the floor.