#but I wrote myself a note so maybe I will! who knows not me!!! XD

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 11, day 12

(╯°□°）╯ SCROLL!!!

[hacked-by-jake]

Hey, lovelies. Well, I disappeared more often in the last months so I didn't thought about saying something. But, I actually got a few asks and messages about where I am and if I'm okay. I wasn't expecting people to do this, to be honest, as I said, it happened several times by now. But now I decided to leave a few words so people can stop wonder and worry. (Thank you for doing so, it means so much to me. 🥹)

Long story short, I'm currently in a very bad mental health phase again and I'm lacking the energy and capacity to be here more again. I would love to, but right now it's just hard. So I had to step away for a moment. Life is an asshole xD I have to figure out a lot currently and to deal with some things. But otherwise I'm still surviving.

A huge and insanely big thank to everyone who wrote to me through asks or dms. You truly made my days so much better and I really wasn't expecting it. Otherwise I would have left a short post. So, now it's here. But I'm grateful for your words!💚💚

I queued my weekend posts also for the two next upcoming weekends because I do not want to drop this little ritual.

Can't tell when I will be back. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week. I don't know. I wish you all the best and I hope your days will be filled with love and happiness. Remember to take care of yourself and stay healthy and safe! 💚

Last little note, I try to remind myself about it but sometimes it hard, but I want to tell you: You're not alone. Never. It might feel so, but you're not. There will always be a person who understands your struggles, I promise. You can be proud of yourself. 💚

[lil-melody-moon]

Melody, my dear? Tell us 10 songs that remind you of 10 different people in your life 🤍

10 songs that remind me of 10 different people... I hope you don't mean people I know personally, because I will mention someone I don't know, dear Anon <3

Love Ain't for Keeping by The Who - I hear it and I think of Keith Moon right away. Could be because that was the song that made me listen to The Who or it might be because of the lyrics that I associate with my feelings to him or maybe both, it's hard to tell.

Total Eclipse of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler - I associate this one with my mom. She's a big fan of Bonnie, heck we both are, but this is the first song I heard by Bonnie and the first song that mom played for me when I was tiny. So that's my mom's song <3

Tea For One by Led Zeppelin - dad's favorite, he goes bonkers when he hears it, as in the volume goes up and there's no way somebody will turn it lower. Also the first song by Led Zeppelin dad wanted to show me and he kind of did. I just wasn't swayed by it until I grew up enough to let this masterpiece carry me with its notes.

Hysteria by Def Leppard - song I associate with @jimmysdragonsuit13 She brought me into Def Leppard and this one just makes me think of her each time I hear it. I love this song btw, but shhh...

Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix or any other song by him - makes me think of Anja. She loved Jimi to death, actually the last fic that I wrote for her was with him, she loved it a lot. One big happiness for her in the last few weeks <3

Lazy by Deep Purple - this is @fiammee song. Whenever I hear Jon Lord playing I think of her and her amazing drawings I've seen published here. She's really talented, go check her blog out!

Tangerine by Led Zeppelin - I associate this with @groovyysav Not only for her deep love to Robert Plant, but the vibe of it I somehow associate with the vibe she gives. Country peacefulness with a lot of love and yapping <3

Boris The Spider by The Who - this is a stupid association, but our friendship is stupid as well, so @juliearchery107 that's the song that makes me think of you because of your arachnophobia XD

Love Never Dies by Julian Lennon or any other song by him - @peaceloveandstarrs is such a big fan of him that it's difficult for me to not think about her when I hear his songs.

Girl's Eyes by The Who - and maybe that's a bit not by the rules of the ask, but I can't help it. This song hit me like a train when I heard it and so, this is the me song, as in, I think about myself when I hear it. Simple lyrics, nothing too big of a song for this band, but I've never felt so called out by a song. So it gets a spot here <3

[nocompromise-noregrets]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love 💜

aaaa, thank you so much! Thank you also, and apologies for how long it's taken me to do this, to @mirkwood-hr-department, @scary-grace, @erathene and @verecunda who have also sent me this one over the last couple of months. I'm afraid I took fright because I currently have uh 415 works on AO3 and I kind of don't know where to start. I am also terrible at picking favourites, and particularly terrible at picking a short list thereof. So I am going to cheat and give you some links to series instead, and I am not going to limit myself to five because that way lies far too much stress and anxiety XD

My Heart Is An Empty Vessel - well, obviously that had to be on the list, it's the fic that got me into the Barduil fandom and the longest I've ever finished, not to mention it's sparked a whole 'verse spanning at least three Ages of Middle-earth. :D Almost all of my canon-'verse fics take place in this 'verse, as it happens, and one of these days I will collect them into a series but it is not this day, mainly because it's an enormous task. Maybe when I retire... XDDDDD

All I Want Is You - the one that got me through the third and fourth (I think) lockdowns, the daft Christmas-movie modern AU that morphed into something rather bigger and gave me a chance to exorcise some of my work-related demons.

the hardest choice to make - because it's me finally tackling my favourite characters making their Choice between mortality and immortality. I love the Twins inordinately, more than any other character, and I think I have more very fixed headcanons for them than for any other - I've been putting this one off, or rather they have, but they've finally started talking and I'm hoping to piece the rest of it together gradually sooner or later.

a kiss in the cold and dark (I should have kissed you that summer) and its associated series - because it took on a life of its own and is also letting me channel a lot of my teenage memories :D

paint the sky and burn the stars - because, again, it took on a life of its own and pretty much wrote itself, and unlike a lot of my other stuff, it's self-contained. I don't think there will ever be a sequel, but that's all right; the story is complete as it is.

stained glass heart - another one that pretty much wrote itself, I loved the imagery in @piyo-13's art so much and it just all fell into place.

dancing in the dark - because I'm having so much fun with my old rocker bi widower dads :D another place to channel memories of my younger days, this.

A Little Piece of the Sea - one of my longest-running series, I started writing this 20-odd years ago, and then picked it back up when I came back into the fandom. Legolas/Imrahil my beloved underappreciated rare pair canoe!

I Will Be With You Always - last year's TRSB piece written for @seagull-energy's beautiful art, I finally managed to pin down my Arwen feelings in this rather reflective piece about her last moments on Cerin Amroth, where her life has come full circle at last.

breathe freely - the utterly out of character hanahaki twincest fic the premise for which came to me in a dream XD look I have problematic OTPs, I am old and have been here a very long time it is pretty much a given :D (the twincest is not the bit that's out of character)

Do You Remember The First Time? - the Twins/Rúmil two-parter that got rather out of hand and also gave me the headcanon about the Twins standing in alphabetical order as you look at them XD

It's Always Been You - the other problematic pairings one, featuring the Rúmil/Orophin story that had been sitting in my notes for nearly 20 years until I got back into the fandom with a vengeance in the summer of 2020, and the foundations of the Rivendell and Lothlórien bits of my canon-'verse set stories...

death is certain, life is not - the TRSB fic that ate me alive this summer, inspired by @erathene's glorious art, in which Tilda finally strides into centre stage and refuses to stop talking (I am already working on the sequel because I ran out of time to include most of what I wanted to squeeze in). Technically part of Empty Vessel-'verse but deserves an honourable mention here!

A Quiet Understanding - and finally, because if I don't wrap it up here I'll be going all day, the first longfic/chaptered fic I ever wrote, in the King Arthur (2004) fandom, about Gawain and Galahad and how their lives unfold both before and after the Battle of Badon Hill.

(and that's not mentioning the rare fandom stuff like A Knight's Tale, That Thing You Do!, Fisherman's Friends, Call The Midwife, The Alienist and The Palace, all of which I adore unreasonably, but I think I've rambled on quite enough here XD )

Thank you so much to everyone who asked me for this one, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to work out an answer! I haven't the spoons for askboxes, and I have to admit that the choose-x-people-to-ask games always feel a bit exclusive to me because what about the people who never quite make it onto that finite list, the people who nobody ever remembers to ask - and my memory is terrible and I will always inadvertently forget people. So, instead, I would like to invite anyone who sees this and wants to do it - don't wait to be asked, just rec yourselves! Let us know the works of yours you love the most! <3333333

[starlitangels]

Why I'm 'The' Avior Fan

for @plaqying's little Awards event!

I have quite a few reasons

The first is that he's been my favorite character since I first heard his playlist and made myself obnoxious on this blog about that fact

Basically, the brainrot took hold and I was one of the ones who was constantly thinking about his story and proposing potential theories for where his plotline was going

I listened to his playlist so many times, trying to pick out any tiny little obscure details for lore and hints and clues, and I made a lot of posts about it

Another big reason I could be considered "the" Avior fan is that I have had people tag me in Avior fan art that others had done with captions like "Star, I think you'll want to see this" (I did). My reputation for being That One Person who was Unbelievably Down Bad/Obsessed had spread enough that people would see Avior and one of their thoughts when they reblogged it was to tag me because they knew I'd go wild over it (I did)

Does crying my eyes out for the entire 45 minute Truth audio count as a reason? Because my investment was so deep and my heartbreak was so much that I literally couldn't stop? Thank the heavens I was home alone at the time my husband would have been so confused lol

I don't know if I've written the most Avior fanfiction out there but I definitely wrote a lot and quite a few of them got a lot of response about being pretty good, so I'll take that

I also wrote some heartbreakingly angsty Avior headcanons that got me (affectionately) yelled at iirc

Also, I started learning how to draw again after a... multi-year hiatus because I specifically wanted to draw pieces of Avior and Starlight's story #Dedication

My profile picture has almost always been some variation of my version of Starlight

You could literally ask anyone who are regulars in my notes "Which Redacted voiced character do you associate with Star" and I guarantee most of them would say Avior maybe Elliott if they found me during that one specific era last spring but that's beside the point

A very kind soul on my birthday one year drew a doodle of Avior giving me a cupcake. Said kind soul didn't even have to ask who would make me the happiest to receive a cupcake from

I am, literally, like, The Avior Person to a lot of people around here and you can ask around and they would probably tell you that immediately

Lastly, my energy for keeping up with Redacted kinda faded in this last little while it will be back, I guarantee you but even when I was starting to feel myself pulling away a little, I will still drop everything and run to grab my headphones when Avior gets his rare uploads

Oh did I say lastly? Too bad I'm still going I literally have done more fan art for Avior than any other character in the history of me learning how to draw. I also consistently tag posts about him with "Sarcastic Demon my beloved" because, again, he is my beloved XD

This one specific character just kinda grabbed me and refused to let go and there were many days of washing dishes filled with me relistening to Sovereign State over and over and over again

Also Erik dropped Other Side by Anberlin as "a song with Avior vibes" and it immediately got added to like three playlists of mine because it slapped and also broke my heart but that was right before the Truth audio and it still breaks my heart but this is slightly less relevant

[amuseoffyre]

Hi - asking questions 2, 8 and 27 from the fic writer's list. Love your work 😍

Thank you :D I'll try and rein my answers in, but we'll see how successful I am XD

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Planning happens very, very rarely. I tend to write with a very loose idea of what's going to happen. This doesn't just apply to chapters but to entire fics. Sometimes I go in knowing maybe 2-3 specific scenes/moments and the rest of it is all just optimistic keysmashing, hoping my hindbrain will Do The Thing and make it work.

On the rare occasions where I do plan, it's when I have the whole story dropped in my brain in one go. That said, my version of a plan is usually 3 bulletpoints of things I need to happen. A good example of this was when I was working on Bark and Bite and it was the first full moon chapter. My outline was: Ed hears Stede go crunchy, Ed thinks the wolf ate Stede, Benny-Hill-sequence around the ship, FRIENDSHIP. So, as you can see, I take it super serious 🤣

oooh, but on that note, let me show you the planning I did for my original writing, because writing time travel - especially multi-timeline time travel - was a hell of a thing. I had to break it down by day, character and chapter to keep track of who was where/when since I needed it to work within the rules of time travel that I had within the story. This was for one book. The next book was so much worse. I had to resort to colour-coding.

As you can see, it got pretty specific.

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

I haaaaate endings. I hate trying to find a way to tie up everything in a way that doesn't sound twee or silly or cliche. Don't really have a preference for beginnings or middles because I enjoy the journey, but me and endings are old enemies. Plus there's that whole ADHD thing of getting 75% done, knowing how it ends, and then having to fight my own brain to finish anything.

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

I think the least favourite part is the finishing, as mentioned above. It's so hard.

But my favourite things are two-fold and they dovetail into one another so nicely:

when I write something into the story and I don't know why I've written it into the story, but I just look at it and I know "you are important". I don't know why. I don't know when it'll be significant, but I feel this deep sense of Rightness that this is essential and important and it has to be there. It could be something as trivial as a picture-frame or a certain book. It might be a fly-by one-liner that seems like a joke in passing, but when I look at it, it's like a hook in the middle of my chest and I know YES. THIS.

the second part of this is when I get to the reveal of why that thing is important. It's like that mindblown gif, because so often it's something so small and insignificant, I don't even realise that it's a single thread of a tapestry I've been weaving and suddenly, the story would have made no sense without it. It doesn't seem relevant but suddenly it's there and it's integral and I frequently find myself clutching my face and going 👀 because I never ever see it coming until it happens.

A perfect example of this is my Turning Tides/Storm Surge combination. Turning Tides started life as a series of one-shots that escalated into a full series and there was stuff I put in #1 that I went "I feel like this seems relevant..." and it was only when I read back after finishing Storm Surge I realised I had foreshadowed huge lumps of the Storm Surge arc. I didn't even notice but my hindbrain is always whirring away like a coked-up hamster in a wheel. It comes up with plot twists that make me yell, so I can only imagine how my readers react :D My old flatmate used to come and check on me when I was flailing too loudly over Surprise Plot Twist 17 that I wrote but didn't see coming 🤣

[ushioliddell-blog]

Gonna do it in French, for the sentences part. Be prepared !

more fic writer asks!

reblog & your followers can send asks with the questions they’d like you to answer!

the last sentence you wrote

"Comme s’il n’y avait jamais eu le moindre mensonge, comme s’il s’agissait d’une visite de plus, parmi toutes celles qu’il lui avait fait, comme si rien n’avait changé et qu’il ne portait absolument pas encore il y a peu, un masque immaculé qui reposait encore entre ses mains."

Took the most intereting one. Otherwise, it would have been : "Il ne devait pas…." But these two were the last i wrote recently. Will probably write more this night XD

a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

Q!Aypierre. Again. But i'm in a QSMP fanfiction Arc, so....

how you feel about your current WIP

Proud and frustrated at the same time because i don't progress as mauch as i want XD

a story idea you haven’t written yet

One of the list ? Okay.... "When the time come.. " A what if, where Q!Max was about to break with Q!Aypierre, thinking he doesn't need him really but couldn't because realizing he was not well,thinking he will break with him later when he got better but.....He began to see sides of him he doesn't know and fall XDDDD But i have so many, you have no ideas XDDDD Some ghost fics, some soulamte fics, some more casual......

first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

"Mais tout cela allait prendre fin dans quelques minutes, n’est-ce pas ?". Comes from an OS about the ending of Purgatory, from Q!Guill point of view.

the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you)

"De " XD Disappointed of the result i must admit XD

your preferred writing fonts

Times New Roman. Not original XDDDD

if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

One for a fic i wrote before which was a mix between Alice in Wonderland and D gray Man, based on Alice through the looking glass.

start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

....... I never finished a fanfiction. XDDDD Not because i don't like them, but i m always full of new ideas and some of them must be written down immediately, otherwise, i will loose the words that came XD

what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

Months. Maybe, even years XDDD

a WIP you’d like to finish someday

"Les Marques du soleil. " A fic about how a RPZ character (Lenny Johnson ) obtain each one of his tatoos. A spin off of an other fanfiction about him and Kenneth.

a trope you’re really into right now

The clown who hides what he really think behind his smiles and jokes XD

a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

Red Queen. A prequel with Carmadon and Davidson.

where do you get your inspiration?

Absolutely everything around me. XDDDD Can be looking at something and.... Tada XD

favorite weather for writing

Don't really mind XDDD

favorite place to write

On my bed. XDDDD But i wrote in many places before XD

talk about your writing and editing process

Depends. I write often on the impulse,seeing the scenes before write them, immerge myself in the scenes,until i need to go to sleep, when i m in a writing session. Let the words and sometimes how the characters want to act. Sometimes I have ideas which turn out differently as if the characters guide my hands XDDDD I read myself a lot of time for be sure to make less faults XD Sometimes i write my chapters like Verne did (i learned this technic in a litteracy course : writing chapters by ideas you will use in this chapter ). But i use this when i have a good idea and i m afraid to loose how i want to build my chapter XDDD Sometimes i write the feelings the characters feel, to be able to immerge myself in when i take back the writing XDDDD

if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I write mostly on the PC. I may have notes (when i was at university, i wrote on paper and write later on the PC at home) but i m too lazy to go upstairs and search XDDD

the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

Was not for fics, but RP. China in the 19 th century with the occidental world and...... poisons XD

in what year did you publish your first fic ?

It was a song fic and it was published in 2012 XD

when did you publish your most recent fic?

In 2023.

do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

Yeah, but most of the time, i have so few person who like and comment about my works, that what i'm anxious about is, is there people who read about my works or/ and don't they comment because they don't like my works ? XD

pick three keywords that describe your writing

Feelings - Hurt and comfort - Slowburn . (you will not see me on silly ideas without plot ).

how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

I play videos games, or i read. I do other things and don't try to force myself, even if sometimes i feel guilty XD

besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

Reading, playing videos games, diamond painting, paintings by numbers.

are you able to write with other people around?

Yes. but if not too noisy and if nobody talk to me XDDDDDD

your favorite part of the writing process

When letting the words come to me, and let the flow of the story guide me and change what i have in mind before.

your least favorite part of the writing process

When it's the 425857515124141 time i read mylsef again and i still find mistakes XDDDD

how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

Most of the time, easy but sometimes really difficult for me. Always in english, though. Easier for me.

share a fic you’re especially proud of

"Des châteaux dans le sable ". Which i will finish one day. A story about a child and an adult who try to save their souls in a war context, in D Gray Man context. Or "Les Marques du soleil".

[shaken-veil]

It’s Dragon Age Day, so let’s talk about Dragon Age DND!

I always wanted to play DND. But all projects and parties that gathered have never really come to pass. And since I couldn’t find anyone who was willing to DM around that time, I decided I would maybe want to give it a shot.

The original DND content didn’t really appeal to me.. until a special someone provided me with the necessary kick.

So this journey starts in early 2021, when @roguescorner provided me with a sheet about Dragon Age DND. It contained some technical stuff, classes, transferred stuff from 5e to a homebrew setting. It was the foundation of what would become one of the , if not THE biggest, biggest things I have ever worked on.

I got to work. Wrote up a baseline, gathered friends to play, taught myself all the needed basics of being a DM, worked tirelessly through nights and days to make this happen. I offered 3 different scenarios to my players at the beginning, where they wanted to start. 

A trip into the Deep Roads into the Free Marches after an earthquake.

Stranding on the distant shores of the Amaranth.

Investigate the Tirashan Forest after farmsteads were burned down.

The Majority vote went to the Tirashan, so this is where our adventure starts. 

The 16th of April 2021 was our very first session.

We are now on Session 25. It’s been a ride... 

(Continue under the cut)

My players are:

Played by @dngrs-untld-hrshps-unnmbrd. A Dalish runaway Rogue (5e Class also Rogue), who had no intention of marrying the arrogant arse hunter Yeros, just because she had some fun times with a Qunari mercenary and her Clan was butthurt about it.

Played by @ianazavi. The young Keeper of Clan Sylmaris (5e baseclass Druid). Certified hyperactive sweetheart, history buff and nerd, was send out by the Clan Elders to find the runaway Ash as first act of her being the new Keeper. There is a lot of complicated history there that I can’t fit here...xD

Played by @seigephoenix. A human mercenary (5e class Fighter), warrior and voice of reason in the group. Accepted a job from Enzo to be his bodyguard as he went about his personal quest. Half Orlesian, half Fereldan. Now also known as ‘Marquis Montclair’ after her grandfather’s passing. Oh boy... Orlesian nobility. Oh and of course don’t forget Baron, Eli’s trusty Mabari hound. 

Played by @eatingbubbles. A human mage and necromancer from Tevinter. Searching Thedas with the help of his Nevarran master’s manuscript, he tries to unlock the secret that this ancient tome holds. He also let an eldritch parasite live in his head for a while and loves graveyards a lot.

Now that I introduced my party to you.. We can’t forget..ME! haha. I’m playing obviously all the NPCs in this campaign, but there is one that is very note worthy. Which is, of course, our Ancient Elvhen Forgotten One.

Played by yours truly. Time & Gravity Arcane Warrior. (This is also thanks to @roguescorner she gave me the idea about the time magic.) Daern’Thal was rescued by the party during their adventures in the Tirashan forest by the mad priest Fenar, who aimed to steal Daern’Thal’s power while he slumbered in the long sleep. He joined the party on their journey to learn more about this new and unfamiliar world he woke up to. 

Now that that’s out of the way, here are some of my favorite moments, so far.

The very first Boss battle. I’m a Fromsoftware fan, through and through. My party knows this. The bossfights look according to this. Several phases, unforgiving of slip ups, general madness and horror. The first real bossfight of the campaign was against Highpriest Fenar, who sought to raise an army to overrun Orlais to end the tyranny of the humans and rob Daern’Thal of his power to do so. It was a very special moment for me, first of all I was very drunk during that boss fight and somehow that made it even more epic. The party defeats Fenar without actually killing him, handing him over to his daughter Fioris to take care of him.

Yaz’tori.. Yaz is an ancient being who was locked away in a deep pond in the Tirashan forest. After an initial scare and against the words of our dear Eli, Enzo took it upon himself to host this eldritch being within his brain, taking her along with them to investigate the Forest and it’s secrets. Come as it must, Actions have consequences. Yaz’tori betrays the party after receiving her own body in an ancient laboratory of Ghilan’nain below Val Royeaux. She drains Daern’Thal of most of his power as he tries to protect the party and then runs away to gather more power for a goal unknown.

The Ball in Val Royeaux. After a few eventful days in the Orlesian Capital, the party attends a the ball of Lady Basseaut. Daern’thal wears clothes made out of pure magic, doing constant Wisdom checks to see if he drops them. (Sadly he did not). As it is Orlesian custom, the ball escalates really quickly. Ashryn is locked in a burning room for sneaking around, Eli tries to save her grandfather and Daern’Thal murders Lady Basseaut in a fit of rage, learning what she did to his friends.In the aftermath, Reginald Montclair passes and gives his title of Marquis to Eli.

The Vaterrals.. Ari and Enzo literally annoying Ash and Eli so long until they can purchase a small, juvenile Vaterral in the Elvhen city. Enzo names him Spido, how original. As thanks for their service to the city, Fioris grants the party another fully grown Vaterral, which Ari bonds to and names her Aranea. 

Meeting Era’len, Abelas and Curiosity. Early in the Campaign the party comes across a spirit of curiosity guarding a secret entrance to a clearing in the Tirashan. The party solves their riddles and they let them pass to meet Era’len, who will become the future mentor NPC for them, and her grumpy partner Abelas. It was all in all SO awkward. Wonderful. Loved that.

That’s just a few moments that really stood out to me. But the most recent bossfight was also very special.. With Eli attacking her own party. 

Tomorrow, Monday, we enter a new plotline. The party is currently at level 5, just survived a major traumatic battle where Ari actually died, but was brought back to life by Enzo with necromantic powers later on.

I am beyond excited to see how far we go with this campaign, the places we get to visit, the epic battles we are going to have, the tears we are going to shed and the joy that comes with a job well done. Without our shared love for Dragon Age this would have never been possible. 

Also without my dear friend GN/Cryptid a lot of these moments would have never have happened. He is my sounding board, offering me ideas, pointers and outside perspective all the way so far. Thank you, without you this campaign wouldn’t be the same. 

Playing DND with you guys has made my life richer in a lot of ways and I hope you feel the same.

ALSO love to the tinfoil club for constantly listening to my ideas and my rambling. Love you @hvitperle @TheWellOfForever (RACHEL WHERE IS YOUR TUMBLR) & @roguescorner​

SO Happy Dragon Age day to us. Cheers.

Love,

Jules - Your DM, The All-mother, Elvhen Slut God and Maker of Crabs

[shmowder]

Ahh I'm still giddy that you enjoy my messages <3 I've been on tumblr for >10 yrs but for the majority of them I didn't chat with anyone so I feel like a poorly socialized creature sometimes (saying this lightheartedly). Like I said in another ask, please take all the time you need to respond, I definitely don't want you to feel pressured ^^ My main thing if it takes a while is worrying that my ask got devoured by the void and I wouldn't want you to think I'm ignoring you (and especially your amazing reply about Aglaya, Victor, and Yulia)! But I'm also neurotic af and that's a me problem 😅 And I can generally talk myself out of it XD Same goes for requests, too, no rush. (I'm also the one who sent you the Victor x reader request before I picked an emoji, which you may or may not have guessed) 💙

I like that Capella is the oldest as well! I just makes sense. Eva and Maria I can believe as being in their 20s; late 20s for Apple Basket gang maybe, but yeah I'm taking them all with a grain of salt. NO WAY is Mark Immortell 23 in P2.

The other day I remembered that GO ONION, I NEED TO COLLECT THE TOOLS exists and that gave me a good laugh. Do you have the spoken dialogue set to Russian or English (or another language)? I don't even know what their English voices sound like.

So, I've noticed a pattern........ I fall in love with women with some variation of the name Julia...... Yulia (I've been reading the dialogue trees again, and her dialogue at the hospital/theater is the sweetest thing 😭), Julie Langford from Bioshock, Yuria of Londor from Dark Souls 3, Yurie the Last Scholar from Bloodborne. What's that about 🤔

I hope you have a lovely day!

🐿️ anon

I'm really happy that you're enjoying our talks! I completely understand and share a similar experience when it comes to talking to others. Before my writing blogs, I never interacted with anyone, even when others put in the effort I'd just shy away and never reply. But with time, various anons and requests, it helped encourage me to open up more. I hope we can be friends, at least anon friends.

Thank you for your patience when it comes to me replying. It's not something I think I can fix about myself, so the least I could do is extend the same courtesy to others when they're late in replying. I'm glad you understand.

You're the one who sent the Victor request? I just finished it today and tagged it as your anon <3 I hope you like it, I wrote the day before my birthday because I liked the concept so much. Glad to see you're here from my bg3! although I'm surprised we didn't get introduced sooner there, or did you go by a different anon name and you're one of my requesters?

And don't worry, I rarely have the problem of asking getting devoured by the void.... I mean, it happens, but like once or twice a year maybe? I don't get all that many requests or asks on this blog, it's a completely different experience than the busy life I had in sorcerous-caress lmao. It's more chill tho at least, not as empty as the mass effect blog but not as overwhelming as the bg3. I see a lot of the same people frequenting my notes here, it's nice having repeat readers you get used to seeing. It's like the pathologic fandom is one small book club.

You're a very considerate person, it's touching that you don't want me thinking you're ignoring me or anything. I won't, I promise. My only fear is that anons don't get notifications when their asks are answered and mixing that with my unreliable answering timing, there is a big possibility they never see their ask gets answered when they check my blog unless they're here everyday or scroll very far down.

KRHSDJ GO ONION LMAO. I just learned about this meme the other day recently. I have it set to English voice-over, my only knowledge of Russian consists of curse words I picked from my ex while watching her lose at hollow knight. But most of the time I'm listening to music or youtube videos while playing pathologic so I barely heard anything from the English voice-over too. I only mute the videos during the theatre shows at the end of each day.

You like Yuria of Londor too??? We are twins. Geminis are connected telepathically oh my god you have the best test. I adore Yuria and spent my dark souls playthrough simping after her. I mean rip Yoel but my wife comes on top.

Honestly Yulia and its variation is a very beautiful name ngl, you know how most people grow up to fit their names in a self-fullfilling prophecy kind of way? Most Yulias apparently are the most attractive characters in videogames with endless charisma.

I hope your day is amazing too <3

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 85 - last one of the hair dying session!

I like how this statement starts with "statement by ?? about something that may or may not have happened?? statement given ???"

Jon's statement voice here sounds very similar to the one for Jane Prentiss in MAG 32! Is this his "I'm telling you of my becoming"-voice?^^

"Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door…" - This sounds so out of place xD Like if I had a problem with a man who is not there then a slamming door would be least of my problems XD But maybe it's just the way Jonny reads it, with that pause and then a bit of an irritated note. Still, fits the haunting in general, slamming doors. And I guess doors also work with the Spiral of course.

"I was disappointed, then, to discover it was simply a reference to a haunting." - RL experience there maybe?

"He cannot be not there." - In fact, I am not in any place anywhere in the world right now except for where I am exactly in this moment. (I know, it's about the "being" XD)

"I didn’t meet him on the staircase as well." You know, what's a funny coincidence? I didn't met him there either! I'm sure you didn't meet him as well?

"It was not a spiral staircase" - Even if it wasn't a spiral staircase, it still could have been a Spiral staircase.

"Eventually, the man who had never set foot upon my staircase became real enough to have done this to me." - Even though the man has also never set foot upon my staircase he did remind me of the vacation days I didn't take last week.

"He looked around for me, but of course I wasn’t there" - Can you imagine, not being there? When I was in school I was not there several times although the others could see me and it was one of my worst experiences.

"And as I stared from the empty spiral staircase, I wanted to laugh right back at him. But I couldn’t, because I just wasn’t there." - When I wasn't there, I also wanted to laugh, but with them, not at them. But, was I actually able to laugh if nobody chose to hear it?

"Most staircases are easy for me to not be on, but this one here took effort." - Oh, hard to be not there when you are Seen.

THIS, is such a cool statement! The writing is amazing.

"There are some short pieces of correspondence in the file, addressed to Gertrude, from someone called Eric Delano" - Eric!!!

Yeah, why did Elias send him this one? To prepare Jon for his own becoming? Or did Elias actually send him some statements which weren't relevant to his plan or the Unknowing (MAG 102, Jon suspects Elias had not idea why he send him those statements and Elias just said there was the possibility that some were misfiled)

"If the… ‘moral’, shall we say, of Ms. Ashburt’s statement was that ignoring the horrors stalking you just makes them more dangerous, then surely the message of this one is that confronting them directly is even more so." - Exactly! Ignorance won't save you, knowledge won't either. Sucks to be you XD (I already said I love the inescapability in TMA.)

"The Nowhere Man thing is new" - Gaslighting. It's gaslighting. If you're curious about the bits I wrote, the ones which are not stupid puns or taking things very literal are all experiences of being gaslighted or gaslighting myself. The Spiral is indeed one of the Fears that fucked me up real good.

"Maybe whoever sent this wants me to consider how many of these creatures used to be people. How many seem to have taken the mantle from the ones that came before them, and how none of them have been able to overcome their new natures." - Ok yeah, it's about Jon's becoming. He had taken the mantle from Gertrude and he can't overcome his nature. Not exactly new nature though. There have always been tendencies.

JON "Oh. Oh! Do you need me to get out of the house for the night?" - Ha, how his voice gets quieter and more mumbly by the end of the sentence xD

Oh god, I would never go to have dinner with someone I was fairly certain I wouldn't like just to get the kind of food I want… Order it to go! XD Yeah, I know, pre-pandemic not every place did offer their meals to go. Still, not that high on my priority list to endure that!

JON "Is she – I, I mean, she [Melanie] survived?" GEORGIE "I hope so. I’m going for a drink with her on Thursday. Be a bit awkward if not." - Apparently you can meet a man who wasn't there upon a stair, so I guess you could go for a drink with someone who isn't there…?

GEORGIE "Yeah. Didn’t say what. I think she was a bit embarrassed, says her co-workers are super weird." - Lol…

Wonder who those coworkers could be

[heniareth]

for the codex prompts, i'd also like to request for the delightfully crabby ilanlas either 10 (a description of your OC by someone who hates them) or 11 (your OC’s description of their game’s events)

10. a description of your OC by someone who hates them

A letter, written in a meticulous script, as if the author had all the time in the world to write it, sitting on the Inquisitor's desk at Skyhold.

Inquisitor,

The Grey Wardens continue to exist, and I will not reopen that discussion again. I would appreciate it, however, if they would conclude their business at Skyhold as soon as possible and leave. Their commander is insufferable: arrogant, equal parts sensitive and insensitive, quick to anger, impatient, impertinent, with questions asked in bad faith and with the insistence of a petulant child; the list goes on. For a man of such small stature and such catastrophic failure in preventing the bloodshed of his own comrades, he holds himself like the highest and mightiest around. I will not stand it. Either he goes or I do. I would appreciate a swift answer on the matter so I will be spared further suffering of this irritating creature.

-- Solas

In a margin of the letter, someone has scribbled down notes:

Mythal have mercy.

- Check with advisors how soon next excursion is scheduled. Take Solas

- OR send Grey Wardens and/or Solas to do field work

- Talk to Leliana; third complaint this week.

- Check how soon we can proceed with judgement + add some days for the Wardens to pack

11. your OC’s description of their game’s events

Prologue to the memories of the Grey Warden Ilanlas Mahariel, formerly hunter of clan Sabrae, recorded by Keeper Marethari and Merrill, then First of clan Sabrae, during his recovery in Denerim after the slaying of the Archdemon.

"I can feel the Blight receding with the darkspawn. It grew gradually, and only know do I notice how much strength it had gained. It is good that we finished the job. A few days more and we would have been crushed.

This year has been strange. It has taken me places I would never have visited; it has made me speak to people I would never have spoken to. Ferelden contains more than I thought, and there is more outside of it than I would have dreamed. Shems, however, are still pigs.

I suppose there are some notable exceptions to the latter, but not many.

My drive during this year has been to find Tamlen; I can admit this freely now, and also admit to my failure. I was only granted a chance to end his suffering. Vengeance must be enacted, and yet I find myself empty. Elgar'nan enaste I will find that fire again.

One thing I know: I will remain a Grey Warden. The order must be rebuilt. There are two more archdemons out there, and when they come, we must be ready. Above all, let our people know this: the Blights are not over. More will come. And we will need every ounce of strength we have to push them back.

Even if this means fighting alongside shems."

Some crabbiness for you!! I hope it was to your satisfaction XD XD XD I must say, I had a bit of a rough time pinpointing how Ilanlas would describe this year. It doesn't help that he's not someone who'd write things down a lot (or, Creators forbid, keep a diary). He might be more inclined to use things he's seen and experienced in his travels as inspiration for his woodcarving and other artistic pursuits. Maybe I should try my hand at that at some point. It could be fun!

And about Solas... Solas would just despise Ilanlas. He can't with him. Ilanlas would get on every single one of his nerves, accidentally and on purpose. At first I wrote something else, but then I thought of Solas and just had to put it in.

...

You know what? I'll tack the first thing I wrote on here:

A public notice of the style the Dalish use at their Arlathvens, found among the posessions of Ilanas Mahariel. It is old and frail; the corners are starting to fall apart. The text, however, is still readable:

"The thief has been caught in the act. He is small, about six years of age, with shoulder length auburn hair and white, tanned skin. He wore clothes of the southern clans. If the child steps forward to apologize, his punishment will be reduced. He has until nightfall to do so. Any adult who knows this child, please relay the message to him in case he cannot read. Let him also know that clan Briathos is severely displeased with his actions. Let his apology relfect that."

Under the message, in scrawny and evidently angry handwriting, is the following response:

I am 10 and I can read!!!

(Nevermind that these kinds of things would probably be communicated verbally XD)

And there we have our crabby boy. I love him to bits and I'm glad you enjoy him too. Thank you very much for the asks and have a lovely day!!

[the-blind-geisha]

I just had to ask (≧∇≦)/

I limited myself to four lol, but you don’t have to do them all if you don’t want to:

👭 - 🎨 - 🌍 - 💗

also hope you are having a good night!

Haha, I'm happy to answer them all! Thank you so much. ;w;

Have you ever done a writing/story collab? If not, who would you love to write a story with?

Actually, I guess you could call it that... right now, since I am Rping in text format with @kittycat-kai as Demiurge, she hopes to use some of those ideas in the fic she wants to write with her OC Mouse from the DnD campaign. So I guess you could call that a writing collab! ♥

As for who I would like to write with? Well, I always feel bad if I ever try to do a collab. Especially with my ADHD. X”D If anybody wants to approach me for one, I certainly would love to hear their thoughts!

If you could ask for any kind of fanart for a certain fic or fic scene, what would it be?

Oh gosh, honestly any fanart of any of my stories is always a 'must have and hang on my wall' sort of fanart.

I guess whatever scene really jumped out to the artist for them to want to draw! Might sound silly, but I tend to forget so many of my own stories... x'D

But, well, maybe the awkward scene in Amnesia where Lily has to take note of Demiurge reading a smut novel. It's the one scene I can think of that sticks out in my mind recently. I guess because of the idea a monster is reading a monster fucker story is just so funny to me.

Written any crossover fics? If not, what would you write for a crossover fic?

I have but... they're all offline. XD

The main reason Oreana ever got her 'dream protecting' backstory was I would always write her going from anime/ video game world to another. With whatever characters I was into at the time.

There was an old, old story I wrote but tore down from years ago that had a RE vibe to it where anime and video game characters were brought to life via technology but only they and a very few handful of actual people survived the cataclysmic event that happened. Because of the state the world was in, they had to live underground.

It was a fun mass crossover crack fic of mine, but I don't even remember where I was going with it.

If you were purely making a fic for yourself, without fear of what other readers would think about it, what would you write? To be honest, I do a lot of that now! I've gotten over the fear of being judged. ♥ If people don't like the story I'm writing, they don't have to enjoy it with me.

But, well.. maybe I guess from a fandom standpoint.. There is a fic idea I want to write of a Sukuna / Reader and Gojo's Ancestor / Reader where it takes place in the distant past where Sukuna is still alive. It has a very love triangle vibe to it, but I always get nervous to write to new fandoms that I don't know the material of 100%. But I should just get over that. x'D

[lil-melody-moon]

Hello Mel! I hope you’re doing well 🥰 I’ve seen that you reblogged the album ask thingy. I’m not sure if I have to give you the name of the album and a number or just the album and you answer all of the questions. So, If it’s not too much to ask, can you answer all of the 10 questions about Quadrophenia? I know how much you love that album and I’d like to know your thoughts on that one❤️ Also, you know how much I love to see your posts talking about the music you love hehe. Love ya <3

Hello, I've been doing so so but thank you for asking <3

The thing for it is to give a name for the album and some numbers, but what you ask for is perfect! I was hoping for someone to asking about "Quadrophenia", thank you that it was you! So without further ado.

1. Favourite and least favourite track?

Oh Gosh this will be difficult.

"5:15" is my favorite track of the whole album because of a few things. First being the fact that this was the first song I heard from this album. Funny story, mom wrote down a Depeche Mode song called "Little 15" and she wrote that it is a The Who song so I typed it in and "5:15" came up so we've listened. Mom didn't like it very much, but I fucking vibed - you can imagine my sheer surprise when I've found the album where this song was. Also, The Who's compilation CD I have has three tracks from "Quadrophenia" and "5:15" is one of them. Those three are never played quietly on dad's stereo system, never.

Now to the least favorite I actually don't know if I have one like that. I literally love every track on this album, but maybe I'll go with "I Am The Sea" because it's only an ambient of waves - which is very nice as an opening, considering how the story on album opens with "The Real Me", but ya know. Almost no music.

2. Side A or B? (for later releases: first half or second half; for doubles: A, B, C or D?)

This is a double so I have to choose between C and D - A and B are good too, but the rest of the tracks after "5:15" my beloved <3

And I think I'll go with C so that would include: "5:15", "Sea and Sand", "Drowned" and "Bell Boy". There's just something in those tracks that makes me get lost in music each time I hear them. I'm always missing the point where "Sea and Sand" ends and "Drowned" starts. Either it's so smoothly going from one to the other or I'm just so lost between notes. Plus there's "Bell Boy" come on, how could I not pick this side? XD

3. Thoughts on the cover art/packaging?

Just look at this beauty! Washed from colors, depressing with only Jimmy on the cover while the rest of the band is seen in the side mirrors. The cover speaks for itself. The first time I saw it I just felt I was up to listen to something good and damn, I wasn't wrong. I love the cover so much that I would be glad to have it as a poster in my room. I'm not joking, I even saw a similar big flag to buy and if I had money and space in my room for it, I would buy it - this album is my religion <3

4. Are any of the tracks important/meaningful to you? Why?

Oh God, the whole album is important, but if I have to narrow it to a few songs... I will talk about very personal stuff here.

"Cut My Hair" Now this is like an opening track to the beginning of the story, to see how Jimmy feels emotionally, but the tone and the entire setting of how his life looked, now that is what brought my attention right from the beginning. The guy just doesn't fit in, feels like an outcast and this verse right there:

Why do I have to be different to them? Just to earn the respect of a dance hall friend Have the same old row again and again Why do I have to move with a crowd Of kids that hardly notice I'm around? I work myself to death just to fit in

It reminds me of my days when i tried to fit in the society I live in. Now, I literally don't care how other see me, but I can see that with my clothing, interests, way of thinking I just don't fit in and I probably never will. But I gave up on "moving with a crowd" long time ago. And from here, my dear friend, things started rolling.

"I'm One"

This one is a simple matter, first verse bringing this in:

Every year is the same And I feel it again I'm a loser - no chance to win Leaves start falling Come down is calling Loneliness starts sinking in

Describing the loneliness Jimmy feels is very personal. I might not show it, but I'm a really lonely person, not being able to find the second half, searching for some understanding on that matter. I have the luck to have my mom who understands me because she was going through the same, but ya know. It ain't the same as having a boyfriend. Plus I just love how the last three lines of lyrics in this verse creates that autumn vibe <3

"Drowned"

Just because of the general tone and a call for freedom. The only ones truly free in this world are birds, we as humans are not. This chorus:

Let me flow into the ocean Let me get back to the sea Let me be stormy, let me be calm Let the tide in and set me free

Speaks exactly about it. Just to be free as the ocean's waves, it just sounds so nice <3

"Love Reign O'er Me"

I see this song as a call/prayer for love, for some understanding and affection. On top of that, it's also the emotional conclusion of the whole story, chaotic one, but so good to listen to every time. I think the most beautiful verse in this song is this one:

Only love can bring the rain That makes you yearn to the sky Only love can bring the rain That falls like tears from on high

I had the luck to discover this album and get first stage obsessed with it after watching a documentary talking about Keith Moon's death. I had the luck to fall in love with this song at that time and this verse which I quote here is exactly how I felt back then about it. Doesn't mean I feel differently about this song now, oh no, actually this song is the most meaningful to me from the few I've mentioned. I will sound insane now, but lonely heart searches for replacements and mine found such a one in this lunatic. Yep, I'm in love with Keith Moon. Can't help it, just like I can't help it but connect this song somehow to this weird situation.

5. When did you first hear the album?

UMN... September last year, I'm sure of it. Second The Who album I've listened to, wait a bit. ...23rd of September actually (month after Keith's birthday, can my discovering of The Who and him somehow become even more weird?). I had this album wrote down to listen to later after discovering "5:15" by accident as I've described above. I remember this day clearly.

I was fresh after lunch, excited actually just by seeing the cover. Listened to it once and then it went on repeat. I had to listen to it three times to have enough for one day. And it played for the entire week without breaks. This was just the beginning of my obsession with it tho XD

6. Have your thoughts on the album changed since you first heard it?

Yep they did. From first: "This is great" to the now "Favorite album of the 70s" I had like three stages with this one.

First stage obsession was the first week that it played each day.

Then came the second stage at the beginning of this year, just after I've watched the movie.

To then come to the third stage when I'm playing this album whenever I feel bad or songs from it are stuck in my head. A religion, you should understand XD

7. Are you a fan of other works by the artist/in the genre?

Of course! I will not rank The Who's albums here, but every single one of them has something good in it. Every single one is somehow different. I don't know how did they pull this off, but they did and OH am I so glad for that!

Also, I can kind of call myself a fan of Pete Townshend, especially if it comes to lyrics, I fucking adore how he writes and honestly I can't wait to have free time to get to his solo albums <3

8. A lyric you like from the album

I actually talked about this one in The Who ask, but here, a fragment from "Bell Boy":

Some nights I still sleep on the beach Remember when stars were in reach Then I wander in early to work Spend my day licking boots for my perks

Love Keith's soft voice in this one, I adore it. There are no words that could describe what I feel when I hear him there.

9. How did you discover the album?

Like I've said, through my mom's mistake, but it was a day after I've listened to "Who's Next" that I went to see other songs by The Who and "5:15" started playing randomly. I recognized it immediately and I wrote down the name of the album, just to give it a listen a few days later.

10. Do you own/would you like to own a physical copy of the album?

I don't own a physical copy of it, but I want it, I really want it at home. It's as important to me as getting "Help!" and "Abbey Road" by The Beatles and those two were a must at home. Same with "Waiting for the Sun" by The Doors. All three mentioned are at home already, "Quadrophenia" has to be here as well.

But I will say this. I will feel sorry for my neighbors once I get it. I can't play the three tracks quietly, let alone the entire album XD

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

My Characters as Excerpts from poems I wrote/started

Note: A lot of my poetry is shit I write to vent and to get my thoughts down really quick. So a lot of them are intense and very scattered in thoughts. XD Also some of these excerpts are from the same poem. And the second one under Digits is the whole thing I think? I forgot I wrote it. 

Cosma

Or did that sound a little to manly?

A bit overconfident.

Arrogant?

Who cares about that preconceived notion.

Social constructs are so boring and toxic.

I'm trying to live my life without getting kicked to the side in silence.

I ain't whimpering under some notion

That denies every positive motion

And takes a shit on people's emotions.

Drowning a bitch like it's a bottomless ocean.

and 

I'm like a beat drop

Aggressive and ear shattering

Not everyone's cup of tea

But I fall hard and unexpectedly

Arc

I

I

I

I

Well

I

I'm just a facet to be manipulated and utilized regardless of the will of the land.

Cause everybody else deciding what the land want.

Maybe the land is desiring my demise.

and 

You know that parent thing where they lie to you for years.

Build that lie for years so they can stack that hypocrisy.

Stacking like a mason stacks bricks.

Exceptionally!

Tharion

Make America Great Again

It makes me want to recoil beneath my own skin

Cause those words breathing down my neck

And touching me without consent.

Every time I see a red hat I feel myself shivering at the thought that

That some fool really believe they the hero in this story.

Thinking they a vigilante as they walk over the corpses that defied their warped reality.

Greeter

We could all get into that insta baddie business.

So post all your business.

We seriously mean that shit.

Talking like I'm right beside the vibrating speaker

Filled with base.

Like damn I'm screaming over the longest beat drop I've come to face.

I have to leave them lying there in distaste

Force them to remember my face.

and 

I'm so tired

Tired of trying.

A warmth covers me.

A bit too much to be comforting

It covers me.

I cave.

It was so easy too.

I'm exhausted.

Digits

My clothes have absorbed too many tears

Soaked and dragging me.

Pulling me down gradually.

My knee hit the ground

Then the other.

My stomach reaches my soul that's been lying on the ground since forever.

And my head finally taps the ground.

Bro I've K.O-ed

A little further would've been a fatality.

and 

You in your feelings?

You... 

In your feelings?

Ha been kicking those bitches to the curb

Since they started piling on.

Your a fool for letting them cling on so long.

But go on player.

You get paid to carry this out.

How can you allow such a thing to happen

Without some green on the side.

Makes the job worthwhile.

Damn player

Getting played by your emotions.

Donnie

I sold my soul today

Because I couldn't afford that all too high price of living another day.

I've been settling for far too long

Need to stick my hand into the boiling water and stir the pot.

Because my hand is the best utensil I got.

and 

Getting beat down like Rocky's dumbass in a match.

One two bop.

One two bop bop.

Three four badap.

And bitch I'm collapsing.

Hitting the ground so fucking hard

I've bounced a bit

My body reverberating cause it's a broken machine.

Rumbling and tumbling cause that shit can't keep going.

Hollis

Pull up the social media.

Spread the fucking word.

Even I know social media is absurd.

Spread the fucking word.

I see y'all typing.

Go ahead and get to writing.

We ain't hiding.

We ain't shying away.

I want to be all over your social media page.

Green

I'm one wrong word away from losing it all.

But if another motherfucker tells me to take a deep breath I'll risk it all.

Cock back a fist like every white radical cocks back a gun

Let that bitch go and don't let a motherfucker run.

and 

Guess I've been doing a Rocky.

Letting my head get beat in

Till I go brain dead

Can't tell you what my plan is

Struggling to speak over my incompetence

That's got the speaker on full blast

So strong the windows rattling

And after a while, I take to aggressive actions.

Taking my fucking body and slamming it against.

All those opposing things that discredit.  

Peace

I know my throat is bleeding

But shit!

I'm still going to scream.

A bitch needs a victory!

and 

We

Don't

Think

You

Deserve

The

Things

You're

Asking

For.

Shut up and listen.

Who told you to put your thoughts and feelings into this?

Absolutely disgusting.

You're not good enough to get the full cut!

You're not rich enough

Sorry, I meant valuable enough!

Crap did it again!

Not worthy enough!

Bleeep enough!

Elliot

Fill the silence.

Your voice is stronger than mine.

My voice is feeble

After years of idling

Idling is this weird abyss.

Scream out your feelings little man.

They can't always be forced within.

and 

But you've proven unworthy

Dumb, deaf, and you don't care to listen

I'm--

You're not even good enough to be an honorary mention.

Saz

You ever look into his unblinking eyes?

The purple dinosaur out to steal your kids.

Trying to give the affection their momma wouldn't give.

Run from the big purple dinosaur.

That man gonna steal your kids.

Won't resist giving these kids an unhealthy squeeze.

As he seizes the product of your unwanted accident.

Julie

So I opened my arms wide and screamed up to the sky

"I regret being here. I regret being alive."

Now I'm here.

Soulless, never truly knowing if the breath I'm breathing is mine.

But I kinda like the absence of mind

Cause now all the bad thoughts ain't even mine.

and 

I remember being unabashedly myself and being mocked by family members.

Mocked by strangers.

Mocked by students dragging themselves through the day with superficial grins and words that burned like a snake's venom.  

Mocked enough to take a step back and watch from the outside.

Cause getting mocked enough will twist the mind.

And I hate to admit it but it twisted mine

Ian

I'm tired of diving so deep into my thoughts.

The pressure of the water crushing my bones.

Sending my organs oozing out of orifices I've never even thought of.

I can imagine myself sinking.

Sinking so damn deep there ain't no more light.

And my corpse is a snack to the mysteries beneath.

I'm exhausted.

Damn I'm exhausted.

and 

But I joke about it now.

And like the seagulls that swarm the bay they all laugh with me.

Not acknowledging that they were the same ones laughing at me.

Mocking and excluding me.

Because I only fit one thing in their teen perspectives, far to shallow to conceal my body.

[itsohh]

I'm not sure if someone has asked you this already but what got you into R6 and writing?

nah no ones asked me before. I'm always down to answer questions, I love talking about myself XD (warning a little long tho, you opened this box of worms anon ;) )

oh boy ah I've been writing for a loooong time now, not always active. I think when I was like about 12 I started developing these like really sorta advanced daydreams? like I could lay down and shut my eyes and just completely be caught up in it. The first one I had I think was about David Guetta and Macklemore?? (literally know nothing about the guys except from their face and music) Anyway so that was the sort of activation of how I essentially sorta write (if that makes sense) but when I was about 13/14 in highschool I really got into reading creepypasta fanfiction on wattpad and quotev.

I started of on writing this completely like unrelated from fandom series that I was was sure was going to be like a full on universe. One was about this dude who was made of ink and like he kidnapped some girl (the main character) who he kept in this burnt down house or something.... or maybe she ran away with him or something??? I can't remember. Eventually, he would give her ink powers or whatever. Anway they were in love but then I got bored and started writing about some girl who I remember nothing about except for the book being called Red Haired Rue. (I long since deleted it off Wattpad). Eventually, I wrote my first fanfiction which was about Jeff the Killer.

After that I sorta jumped from Wattpad to Tumblr, I didn't like the website (Wattpad) very much and while I had started to read on ao3, everything was so high quality I was scared to upload there. It was dean x reader fanfiction which then branched out into marvel, sherlock etc etc all that classic tumblr fandom stuff. I've only deleted only the daryl x reader fanfiction from my tumblr account. It was supposed to be a full rewrite but I got dishearted from the lack of well notes. It got like 7 notes and it was a lot of work. (I was reading the scripts and everything)

Originally with Rainbow Six, I had joined a new friend group for L4D2 when I had started to get my diploma. At the time (2020) they were also really big on R6S and my friend convinced me to get the game. So as a little newbie I started playing with them in customs and 5 stack publics for a bit before eventually playing some by myself to improve. Yet that group hyper fixation ran out. After the fall of Overwatch, I was always really on the look for a new game to constantly play but didn't find one until FFXIV. I had written a little fanfiction over the years, I think I had stopped in like 2017, a DMC series, I had a RE series and then my FFXIV series. I had started to get into R6S, I found a few friends through streaming on Twitch and with them I started to play nightly. Something that while not nightly we still do pretty often. (unless there's tarkov wipe and then I lose one of my buddies, and then there was that time we started to play ghost recon breakpoint) In the end though I liked the characters in the game, they were pretty hot and gave me that drive to write fanfiction about them so I did.

[issialou]

Thank you for making these polls, they’re so interesting as someone who loves the members but don’t keep up with what the duo names are actually called haha.

I hope you don’t mind me letting you know (sorry I don’t want to be rude, I just want to help!) but the word is spelled favourite.

Just a minor note, I really admire you doing posts in English when you’re a French speaker, I would def not be able to spell as well in French and I’ve been taking French in school for a long time (I’m Canadian).

Hope you have a great night <3

Thank your very nice message. Yeah even for myself this is very interesting make this poll cause yeah, myself too I doesn't know many of the duo name (rather from the brasilian and hispanic side). And I want thanks @sillygh0st for his document with the duo name. (I have just created some duo name for the last few duos with Q!Aypierre and @ushioliddell-blog is came with Cookieduo for Aypierre & Pomme on our discussion Discord).

Also, someone have warned me about a mistake with MorningCrew (Q!Baghera & Q!Fit) is in fact MemoryDuo and I'm very sorry about that. I can't change that in the poll but when I would boost the post later this day, I would put the correct tag. It have also an another mistake for CreatureDuo (Q!Antoine & Q!BBH) is in reality CryptidDuo and this one is all on me.

Also, I begin think said to the people want show their support to their favorite duo, maybe sharing some clips , fanarts, fanfics, edits, animatimations... about their duo they're like or they're have created and even if some of them want, said some words why they're this duo. I would surely created a special tag for (maybe QSMPBD or QSMPBattleDuo). And of course, everything still in a good mood cause the principe of that recall all the good time about QSMP and the duos it have created there.

And thank you for the correction about favorite. I'm never sure about this word XD.

And thank you for that this is very nice. Yeah, I'm a french speaker native so this not easy for me write in english but I know also this is language is the most speak there and if you want so engagement to your posts this is most easy write in english (after the avantage of the english this is an easy language learn and also, I have wrote some posts in my native language). And I understand you for the french, this not an easy language learn and even among the french speakers we're would have sometimes some difficulty with our language.

Have a good night or day, you too ❤️ (in france this almost the midday).