#but I was at my limit yesterday just absolutely stressed from the week with crazy migraines and I NEEDED to take some time for myself

[greppelheks]

For some reason people at work have decided that while my manager is on vacation, i am the replacing manager. I've worked there for three months compared to the 10+ years the rest has worked there. How am I the most capable person there?

[tohokuu]

babe what happened… are you okay?!

okay so before i start, i come from a conservative pakistani muslim household. it's the kind of place where wearing shorts to bed make it look like you probably fuck around with guys.

i went to pakistan last summer and have a lot of my cousins on snapchat. i barely use snapchat but every once in a while, i post a selfie or an update on life or something. anyway, i felt really pretty yesterday and i posted a video of me.

thing is, i was wearing a black tank top and a thin hoodie on top but my breasts are big so my cleavage was out and i took the video from a high angle so you can def see stuff but it wasn't anything super bad.

now i have 3 diff snap stories. a public one, a main one and the private stories. the private story is obviously cfs only. the main is my entire snap but it excludes all my cousins and the public one is for literally everyone. whenever i post, i post on the public one but yesterday bc of my clothes, i posted to the main so my cousins wouldn't see it. but somehow my cousins werent fucking blocked off the story and a few of them saw it. some of my cousins are cool and some aren't. two of them screenrecorded it. i honestly completely forgot about the post until my mom barged into my room at 4 in the morning shoving her phone in my face.

it was a whatsapp chat where my uncle (dads older brother) sent it to my mom and my dad. he sent my mom a very angry voice message about my upbringing and how my mom should be ashamed of herself for raising a daughter like me. my uncle and my dad don't have the greatest relationship but me and my uncle get along very well. he loves me very much and so do i. its just that im so ashamed that he saw that kind of picture of me. i always dress very modestly when i'm in pakistan and whenever i post a selfie or something.

what's crazy to me is that he sent that shit straight to my mom and dad... my mom saw it this morning during fajr prayers and she deleted it off my dads phone so i don't believe he saw it and i also blocked my uncle off my dads phone so he doesn't call him.

i talked to my cousin and asked why she screenshotted and she said it was so she could ask me to remove the video because it wasn't decent. i was so stressed the whole time and i apologized so much for what i did and i begged her to calm her dad down and delete the photo off his phone and to not call my father about it. i have uni coming up in a few weeks and i truly do not have the money to pay all my tuition myself. like my dad, my mom and i are all joining money together in order to pay. if my dad finds out about this, he might marry me off, send me back home and marry me off, cut contact w me and kick me out or he might just kill me.

there isn't much to be shameful abt than the fact that my uncle saw it... my uncle and aunt are huge gossipers and even tho i dont feel as though she would go around and tell people this kind of stuff, she's also not very trustworthy. my uncle is petty and likes to bring up bad things into random conversations. i begged my cousin and she calmed me down and all but i dont trust these people. my aunt told my mom that it's okay and i made a mistake and i realized it and she also told my mom that i had expressed my shame regarding my uncle seeing it and he was very happy that i acknowledged my actions. she said it's okay to love your body and be proud but there's a limit and i crossed it. but she said that she wouldn't tell my dad and that it'll blow over soon but i dont fucking believe her at all. my aunt has been my moms biggest enemy since she got married into that house and who's to say she isn't mine too?

the fact that they have this video of me at all is so so fucking bad. i could barely sleep after i saw it. my chest hurts and it feels like something heavy is on it. my stomach keeps flipping and i feel like throwing up all the time. i don't know how long this will take to blow over but this is absolutely horrible. im wishing so hard that this is just a dream and i can just wake up from it at any given moment but it isn't so i have no idea what to do. my mom hates me right now and she's angry again. i don't know if my dad knows about this. i'm just so so broken up over this. i don't know what to do.

[broadwayandnetflix]

Slow Down - Bill Hader x Reader

Warnings: Language

Theme: Fluff + 1/4 of Angst

Summary:  Hi I’ve literally been binging all of your fics and I didn’t know if you were still taking requests, but I was wondering if I could request an imagine with Bill Hader where the reader is sick and passes out at SNL and Bill helps them and takes them home

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Ahh thank you so much for your patience @bduchrnskei​ I really hope you enjoy this fic and it met your prompt expectations. I absolutely loved writing this one amongst all of my evil schoolwork, but what can you do? 

Living in a small-sized New York City apartment was not all that it’s cracked up to be. Whether it’s the heavy traffic and clutter of construction that never halts or the extreme temperatures during any season.

In this case, in particular, winter.

Or, more specifically, in this case, your heater broke, and it had become like an iceberg within your apartment space. As stated by your landlord, the repairmen were supposed to come on Saturday night, and as of right now, it was Thursday.

So bundling up had to do, in a way, you kind of missed the heater’s incessant rattling, as it had become a sort of a white noise these last few months.

You hadn’t been in New York City for very long, a little under a year, maybe? It wasn’t like you to pack up and move randomly to the Big Apple, but after clearing a spot as a new cast member with Saturday Night Live. It was most certainly a must.

Ever since you were little, you’d always had a knack for making others laugh or just getting to see someone smile. Saturday Night Live became your goal, and to secure it was like winning a million dollars. Even if it meant having to endure New York’s extreme seasonal changes.

This week was no different in the typical workflow; you were technically a new cast member. So the number of sketches you had been in was significantly limited. Still, you loved it nonetheless, with the lack of skits that you had been in lately allowed you to get to know your cast members more.

Specifically, your other recurring cast members like Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate, the three of you would often meet up for coffee on Sundays. Taking the time to decompress and discuss your favorite sketches of the week. It was nice to have a group of people you could relate to and find solace in, especially when the weeks became stressful or exhausting.

And oh boy, did your week’s become exhausting, especially on Saturdays. You shuddered at the thought of dress rehearsal as it stretched late into the night; losing sleep was worth the excitement.

You looked at the clock, it was nearing close to four in the morning, and you still had been awake at this point. Maybe it was the cold or the thousands of thoughts swirling through your mind, much like the snow accumulating outside.

Work was gonna be a bitch tomorrow.

You sneezed at the thought, sighed, and made sure to set your alarm before letting sleep take over.

-

You awoke with a headache and a blaring alarm that was erupting from your phone. Groaning, you shut the phone off and tried to ignore the incessant pain protruding from your forehead.

Swallowing some painkillers, you got dressed, grabbed your keys, and headed to work. Totally not picking up a coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way.

“Why good morning Y/N!” Jenny chirped as you walked into the room, still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“You sound oddly chipper, what happened?” you said as you put down your stuff, eyeing her curiously.

“She got some sleep, that’s what happened.” Nasim replied, nursing a cup of coffee in her hands, giving you a sleepy smile.

“Lucky duck,” you murmured, instinctively reaching for your coffee as well. It coated your throat nicely, you sighed in content.

Jenny only smirked before starting up another conversation with Nasim; you let your eyes wander across the room. Everyone in motion, working hard to make sure shit got done. That’s the thing about working at 30 Rock; no one ever really stopped moving.

One thing that you still had not gotten used to was Monday’s. The grueling and exhausting twenty-four hour stretch period of planning and concocting up sketches. It was a scary feeling, as if you could ever compare to everyone else.

Every now and then, a pitch you threw into the ball pit would get picked, the tiny butterflies in your stomach reminding you why you did what you did.

Your eyes landed on a particular figure as he strolled into the room. His hair beautifully tousled, eyes half-open, and shirt resting ever so comfortably upon his chest. You diverted your eyes quickly, only to feel yourself begin to sneeze.

Fuck, for the love of all that’s holy, please do not sneeze in front of Hader.... too late.

He looked up, meeting your widened eyes, and gave you a soft smile. It lingered for a bit until Andy swept up from behind and hugged him along by the arm. For a second, you could’ve sworn he was gonna look back, but Andy had appeared to say something.

“Bless you!” Nasim and Jenny said in unison.

You mouthed thanks and leaned back against the wall, replaying the scene over and over again.

“Thinking about Hader again?” Jenny asked, following your line of sight, as she nudged you in the side playfully.

“Jenny! Not too loud, he might hear you.” you frantically whispered, a stern look aglow in your eyes.

“Oh honey, it’s so obvious.” Nasim chimed in, Jenny nodding eagerly in response.

“Plus he’s too far away, you’re more than safe Y/N, I think it’s cute that you like him. All the more reason to make fun of you.” Jenny says quickly before she is shoved by Nasim.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! Okay maybe not fully joking.” Jenny yelps, giving you a wicked grin.

You groaned, rubbing your hands over your eyes in embarrassment. It was so bad, crushing on cast members, but man, was he handsome. Although you had denied it, a lot of your favorite sketches from the past weeks always seemed to involve Hader.

It was not like it was gonna go anywhere; you two barely spoke, and plus you’d probably be a mess if you did. Every now and then, though, you’d often find Hader sitting beside you at table reads. His laugh is always so goddamn infectious, and Jenny and Nasim eyeing you playfully like schoolgirls.

God, you were a mess, and it seemed like everyone knew it. Maybe even Hader knew; let’s hope he doesn’t.

“You know Y/N, I’ve never seen Hader as shy as he is when he’s around you. I mean the man literally sniffed my hair yesterday,” you quirk a brow, “But- but with you, he’s soft” Nasim’s voice crowds your thoughts, and you instantly look up to meet her in disbelief.

“Bullshit.” you retort, trying to ignore whatever attempt she was trying to make.

“Girl, you’ve kind of got a point. He’s not as jokey as he usually is whenever he’s around you Y/N.” Jenny adds, only to be interrupted by Lorne calling for a meeting.

Ah, how could you forget? Dress Rehearsal. While these days didn’t run as long as the others, they were equally draining and stressful. The three of you walked to Lorne’s office just in time as the rest of the cast stood beside you.

You felt yourself to begin to shiver unexpectedly, hugging yourself tightly. Since when was 30 Rock so cold? You felt Nasim look at you questioningly, and you shrugged her off.

Lorne had discussed the skits’ arrangements for the day, murmurs of excitement beginning to spread like wildfire around the room. Everyone just itches to get out and see if their sketch would succeed or bomb.

You took your seat in the audience as the sketches would come and go, meeting your cues whenever necessary. At the same time, your painkillers had seemed to wear off as your headache only seemed to get worse.

You made your way backstage to find the building’s first aid kit, only to brush past another coworker. That just so happened to be Bill Hader.

You opened your mouth, but nothing came out, slowly clamping it shut; his eyes met yours in slight confusion before softening slightly.

“Woah, hey Y/N, everything okay? You were in kind of a hurry there.” he asks; you could barely meet his eyes as they searched yours for any sort of response.

“Oh,” you gulped, “Yeah I just have this crazy headache, um I was just looking for the first aid kit.” you say, shifting the balance on your one foot to the other. 

His eyes widened before nodding quickly as if he was just reminded of something. The butterflies in your stomach crescendo as he quickly rested his palm upon your shoulder. You didn’t even know how to act, your body practically freezing at the contact.

“Actually to save you the trouble I have some painkillers upstairs in my dressing room. Not that I have like tons of drugs, but it’s no problem with me if that’ll help your headache.”

You quickly nod in response, trying to hide back a small smile before following him up several flights of stairs. God, you hated being so shy around Bill; it wasn’t like he was some mean old jerk; he was oh so genuine and thoughtful.

The two of you halt at a labeled Hader door; he looks back at you almost to check if you’re still there. Opening the door, he led you in, giving you a quick smirk, before crouching down and digging through the contents of his bag.

You had realized that this was the first time that you had ever been in a specific cast member’s dressing room. In particular, Hader’s room was neat and tidy, but you could see bits and pieces of his character sticking out. You couldn’t help but smile at it all, so caught up in the intricate details you didn’t even notice him get back up.

“Y/N, you good?” he asks; you focus your attention back on him quickly.

His hands outstretched, one holding a bottle of Advil and the other clamped tightly around a water bottle.

“Oh, um yeah. Thank you so much you have no idea how much I appreciate you for doing this.” you say rather quickly, but Hader doesn’t seem phased by your awkward nature.

You reach for the bottle and water, fingers gently brushing against his. The two of you looking down at the contact before parting ways.

Hader clears his throat, and you feel your stomach begin to tighten. Slipping two pills into your mouth, you unscrew the cap and down it carefully.

“You nervous about tomorrow?” he asks while placing the pill bottle back within his bag.

“A little I guess, I mean I tend to get nerves closer to the show. I’m sure at this point though, you’ve become an expert at staying calm.” you reply, his gaze falling towards the floor.

“Oh my god, I’m a wreck Y/N. This show is so stressful it eats at me every week, no matter what. I mean, clearly I’m doing something right and Lorne’s not gonna fire me, but, my anxiety gets so bad.” he says quickly. His eyes widened, and his posture became slightly tenser than before.

You couldn’t help but soften your gaze; you had no idea that he even went through this every week. Even now, with the buzzing tension in the air for tomorrow night, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Let alone the fact that he made the time to help you out.

“I wouldn’t have ever noticed,” he looks back up at you. “I mean, you’ve always just looked so...confident. I just can’t even begin to imagine what’s that like, every week constantly. I’m so sorry you have to go through that.” you quietly admit.

He shakes his head quickly, putting out a hand almost as if he was trying to stop you.

“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you though, it’s awfully sweet to hear that. Especially from someone like you.” Hader’s eyes filled with such warmth.

Was Hader blushing? Or were you losing it? Probably losing it.

“Oh about that headache, everything okay up in there?” he murmurs, stepping just a tad bit closer to you.

“It’s probably nothing, but I do appreciate the help.” you look back at the door, “We should probably get back? Right? Don’t wanna miss our dress.” you say quickly.

Hader nods within an instant, eyes widening at the realization of how long you two had been gone for. He led you to the door, giving you a quick smile before he ran out, murmuring something about a skit that had something to do with the guest host.

You giggle softly, heaving a contented sigh. It definitely was gonna be a long day, and you could’ve sworn that the temperature had just dropped.

Strange.

-

You couldn’t have stumbled into it until at least one in the morning, but sleep had been desperately calling your name. Oh, how you missed having a regular sleep schedule; it would make mornings less of a struggle.

Except this morning was different, or more so than you were used to. The headache that had arrived less than twenty-four hours earlier was now ten times worse. Your body ached, and you couldn’t decipher if the bed was too hot or too cold.

This was torture, and quite possibly the flu, not to mention, you had the show tonight, shit. You practically sprang upwards before feeling the instant aftermath of that decision settling in. It felt absolutely criminal to leave those sheets as you groaned and grimaced your way towards your kitchen cabinet. Eyes barely opened while you blindly searched for the thermometer you had kept.

One quick temperature check later, you were running a low-grade fever. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I mean, you couldn’t miss the show, right? It just didn’t seem plausible, or maybe it did?

You frantically wondered while your fingers grazed over the Google search bar whether going to work with a low-grade fever would be beneficial?

Every answer didn’t really seem to fit the unrealistic expectations that you had set for yourself. Still, one disgusting shot of Dayquil later, you were out the door.

The day went by in a haze, and the headache never really did seem to falter. It was almost like yesterday in a sense, but seeing Hader waltz into the room made you smile. He smiled back.

Of course, Jenny and Nasim knew something was up; they always did. It wasn’t like Lorne was gonna fire you for missing one show; it was the flu. Except, you had made it this far, how bad could it possibly go?

-

The lights were too bright, far too bright for you to even think properly, and your fever was sure burning up. Or maybe it wasn’t, you always had to ask others around for that sorta assistance. Except, this was the primary night of the week and you weren’t gonna ask a cast member to feel your forehead.

Imagine if Hader did, Y/N, please stop being a dork.

You found solace in a large water bottle, but it didn’t do much to help the way your body ached miserably. You looked like a mess, you felt like a mess, but this was the big leagues.

The last time you had checked, the previous performance of the musical guest had been underway. Which meant you had survived, but the exhaustion that had been ever-growing was begging for you to lay down.

The floor looked so good right now, yeah, just for a hot second, ugh why is everything burning up?

Slowly closing your eyes, you let yourself press up against the wall, except there wasn’t a wall right there, and down you went with a thud.

-

Bill had been anxious all night, of course for the show, but for you in particular. You usually always looked so put-together, but tonight something about you was just off. It was beginning to rub him the wrong way.

“Andy, do you notice anything strange about, um, Y/N over there?” he said, trying to muffle the concerned edge that rested within his voice.

“Y/N? Oh that new cast member you like?” Andy replied without much thought, earning a stern look from Hader.

“She’ll hear you, god man you sure can be loud. Whatever, she just looks kind of off man, I’m a little nervous for her.”

Andy’s gaze softened just a tad until something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean normally I would say that she looks fine and you’re just crushing, but I don’t think that is normal.” Bill’s gaze instantly locked onto the same thing, which was you fainting onto the floor.

His body going rigid before ultimately bolting upright, he wasn’t gonna catch you in time. Still, he definitely was gonna help if he could. Although he most definitely wasn’t the only one, other stray coworkers who happened to be backstage stood, jaws dropped.

There you went, tumbling to the ground, and Bill couldn’t help but feel his heart drop. Maybe that headache was worse than you had let up. He felt guilty for not speaking up sooner, but there was nothing he could do now.

They called a medic on the site, trying to keep it discreet as possible. It was a live show; he didn’t think it would be professional if broadcasted that shit.

He tried to fill in all of the details of how you had been acting the past few hours. It felt like he couldn’t do much to help, but he didn’t wanna leave your sight. It was odd; something about you really drew him in, leaving him reaching for more.

Plus, at this point, the last thing he had to do was go on stage while they rolled the credits. Bill was optimistic that this would count as a good reason.

He watched anxiously while the medic’s placed you upon a stretcher, his feet following without much thought. They wheeled you out to a waiting ambulance; he gulped at the thought of you having to be taken to the hospital.

Surprisingly they allowed him inside the ambulance; he was so convinced he’d be forced to wait until god knows how long. The vehicle provided seats off the side, allowing him to catch his breath and try not to worry about his current state.

That is until he saw you looking back groggily at him; now, this was definitely normal, as the medic had explained. He just didn’t see it coming; you blinked a few times, looking around at your surroundings.

-

“Hey, saw you took a little snooze there.” he teased, his gaze never leaving yours.

The ambulance rattled slightly, and you gasped a little before focusing your attention back onto him.

“Is this an ambulance? What happened?” you sat upright, feeling ten times worse, trying to piece together precisely why you and Bill Hader, of all people, were in the ambulance?

“Y/N, you fainted. The doctor’s said you’re burning up, they’re taking you to the ER.” he explained carefully, as you groaned in frustration.

He cocked his head slightly, clearly not expecting that response.

“About that, yeah I think I have the flu, I had a low-grade fever this morning.” you admitted sheepishly, not even daring to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry what?” he exclaimed, his eyes as wide as literal saucers. “Lemme get this straight, you went to work, with the flu?” you nodded, and he ran his hands over his face.

“Listen, I didn’t wanna disappoint Lorne. I mean it’s the night of all nights.” the words came out softer than you had intended; Hader practically melted.

“Oh, did you really think that Lorne’s gonna get pissed at you for having the flu? Oh sweetie, you know your health comes first right?” his words falling ever so sweetly off his lips.

You could barely look at the man, let alone control the multitude of butterflies that jolted in your already queasy stomach. Not to mention that he even thought to tag along, you nodded, not saying a word, focusing on his blue eyes like they were a safety net. Until you closed them, letting sleep overtake you.

-

You awoke once more to the sounds of machines beeping, people going from room to room, and an incessant tapping of one’s shoe.

This was most definitely the emergency room, your eyes scanning its surroundings until they landed on one person in particular. He looked exhausted, more so than you did, and you felt awful given the time it was at night. In fact, it was practically morning.

“You’re still here,” he sat upright, rubbing his eyes, “Thanks for sticking it out, Bill.” you tried to give him the most genuine smile you could possibly muster.

“Of course, I mean I overheard the doctor anyway. You’re cleared to go when you wake up, and definitely have to get some rest. I already spoke to Lorne.” you gaped, but he only stood up.

“Bill, what did he say?” you whisper.

“That you should listen to the doctor, and me.” you raised a brow. “Okay maybe he didn’t say me, but you get the point?” he exclaimed as he helped you get out of the bed.

The two of you walking towards the desk in which you had to sign out some papers, the pen unsteadily perched upon your fingers. Bill’s hand holding securely upon your back, in hopes you wouldn’t stumble. In reality, just being near him set your heart aflutter.

“Now I’m taking you home, but first I was thinking I could get you some soup for home. That sound good?” you could only look at the man in pure awe.

“You don’t have to do this Bill, really, I mean you’ve already done enough.” you gulped, only to see the man give you a smirk, his eyes glinting at you mischievously.

“Soup it is.” his hand clamping against yours, he led you out of the hospital and into the cold streets of New York City.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach the little soup shop he’d been talking about; it was cozy and apparently open twenty-four seven. Against his offer, you paid for two soups that looked the most delicious and cupped the cups while strolling back to your place.

“How do you think you got the flu?” he asked gently, looking at you with curiosity.

You had to try not to laugh; I mean, at this point, it was your fault, you subjected yourself to the tundra in your bedroom for the past few nights.

“Well, my heater has been broken for the past few nights. I assume that’s how I got it.” a smile aglow upon your face, giggling at Hader’s shocked expression.

“It better be fixed tonight when we get to your apartment complex. That’s ridiculous, Y/N.” you kept giggling, and soon he joined in with that gorgeous laugh of his.

You enjoyed your time with Hader even though internally you felt like shit; he made it so much more bearable. The air was light between the two of you, he made it easy to open up, and you wanted to know so much about him.

God, wait till you let Nasim and Jenny know about this night. They’re so gonna flip; you just knew it. Not to mention, the big looming ‘I told you so’ that was so coming your way.

“This is it.” he came to a halt, admiring the quaint little building that you happened to call home.

“You do know I’m not leaving until that heater is back on, right?” he ordered, but underneath his serious tone, you could see the concern.

“Oh come on Hader, let’s go see.”

The two of you taking the steps at a time, your body wanting to collapse, but you couldn’t let him know. He stood beside you while you inserted your keys into the lock, twisting it, before walking inside.

“What’s that rattling noise?” Hader wondered aloud.

A huge grin meeting your lips, you looked at him in pure delight, and he soon got the memo. His eyes widening before heaving a sigh of relief, only to halt.

“You call me if you need anything okay? Get some sleep, and um, stay warm. That’s an order, you hear me?” you could see his performance wavering as he tried desperately not to laugh.

“Yes, Sir.” you saluted weakly, but he only began to break instantly.

You really did love that laugh.

Thanks, Bill, for everything, really.” you said as he turned to head to the door, stepping up on your toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

His face instantly turned red before trying to compose himself as he walked away. You watched while he left the residence, giving you one last smile.

-

You awoke in a drowsy stupor that next morning to a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Want me to bring you some coffee and breakfast? - btw, this is Bill. Hope this l wasn’t too creepy. I ain’t no stalker.

Maybe: Bill: ps. How do you like your coffee?

Bill: ps.s yes or no?

You fell back on the bed with such a shit-eating grin, only to groan in response to the mistake you had just made.

You: Yes 

[bigskydreaming]

A few people have asked me about whether its okay to reblog the post I wrote yesterday about the utter pointlessness and grossness of pitting male and female survivors against each other and why. 

Yes, go ahead, absolutely. I’m always okay with people reblogging any post I make except for anything I specifically tag as do not reblog, which is extremely rare. To be perfectly honest, the only reason I started posting about my experiences with rape and abuse at all was because when I was younger and really could have used having male survivors that I could look to even just to maintain the awareness that they were out there and others had gone through what I did....like, I couldn’t find anything like that. Not online at least, so I’d rather at least be a resource to people in the ways I wished there was someone talking about this stuff when I was younger.

Its not fun to talk about. I don’t know what people think I get out of these kinds of posts, but they’re the least reblogged and engaged with posts out of any that I make, by a LARGE margin. They don’t get me street cred or whatever, I get tons of anon hate I never post about my so-called agenda and shit, when like....literally my only stance in all the years I’ve been posting about this stuff is it really really bugs that in so many fandoms you can see a clear focus on stories about rape and abuse that get passed around and boosted like crazy, but survivors ask for signal boosts so that the people writing these stories can at the very least have more viewpoints on these matters to inform them and consider, even if they’re survivors themselves....and its crickets. Like the post I wrote yesterday? Not the first post I’ve written about that specific topic and point. Not by a long shot. But I’ve never gotten any of those posts past like, twenty notes, lol.

Like, I really can’t stress enough that I don’t make these posts for my own personal benefit. None of them say anything I don’t already know, contain information I don’t already have. Its not fun to dig up, especially when you think barely anyone is even listening, even though everyone around you is talking about the same stuff but its fine and safe to boost when its just entertainment, but god forbid people treat this stuff as REAL. And the fact of the matter is people who want to assume the worst of my intentions with these posts are going to think what they want to think, and nothing I say will ever change their minds if they think I’m just looking for sympathy or pity or milking my personal traumas or whatthefuckever. I can’t be any more sincere than like, just being sincere, lol, so if someone isn’t convinced of that there’s really fuck all I can do about it. *Shrugs*

So at the end of the day its like.....the only thing that really matters with these conversations is like....you think they matter, or you don’t. I think they matter. So I’ll keep having them even if its not particularly fun, because the simple reality is they’re going to keep being everpresent in my awareness as the subject matter of so much media and entertainment around me, and the literal only part of any of this I can control is what I do in response to that, and my choice is to just put out there what I can. But like....any ‘impact’ I have, however small, is still limited entirely to how many people engage with these conversations, even if only to signal boost them to reach more peoples’ awareness so they can at least consider angles of possibility they might not have before. So like, if you think anything I say on these subjects is of value at all, if there’s anything worthwhile in them to consider, please consider reblogging instead of just liking, because I can ONLY ever....post this stuff. Beyond that, its entirely out of my control and so how much these conversations ever get engaged with to any degree is entirely dependent on someone other than me passing it on past whatever number of people I put it in front of initially.

*Shrugs* Anyway, that’s that on that.

Just a general FYI though, I do have a ko-fi page and paypal linked if you ever consider the posts I make about this stuff worth shooting me a donation of any kind. Literally 100% of anything ever donated my way goes directly to either rent, food, or insurance or medication for my mental health and the disability caused by my gaybashing over a decade ago and that I’ve been trying to get surgery for, for about four years at this point, with constant setbacks due to a general lack of money and income dependent entirely on freelancing because my chronic pain and vertigo issues from my disability make any non work from home job basically impossible. My meds alone cost about $300 a month even using GoodRx, and like, I haven’t even begun saving for this month’s meds because everything’s gone to rent, and I’ve been out of said meds for about a week, lmao. So as much as I hate doing these kinds of posts, just a general FYI.....donations are always helpful and appreciated, but so is engagement or even just signal boosting of these topics when they come up.

Anyway, thanks for reading and hearing me out!

https://ko-fi.com/kalenp

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

[electricbluebutterflies]

Could you do an 'I didn't know I was pregnant prompt' where somehow Abby, who's a doctor and won't ever live it down, doesn't realize that she's pregnant until she's in labor. Possibly with it being conveniently when she's alone bar delinquents, and someone has to go track down Kane and inform him of what's going on.

Canon-divergent from early s3 ish. Also featuring Raven being awesome and Clarke trying not to have a breakdown, so hopefully I wrote those two darlings okay. Content warning for vague / non-graphic and questionably medically accurate descriptions of childbirth. PG13ish for that and also swear words. Also on ao3.

The thing about quiet is it doesn’t last. She should’ve knownbetter.

It’s been a year, maybe a little more than that. Time flowsdifferently here, but one of the kids – and Abby knows they are not that anymore,most of them are so much more capable than her, but in her mind they are stillso small – is pretty sure they saw a snowflake yesterday. So, bit more than ayear. And about a year since she broke down and let herself be reckless and…

All of this hits her in the worst way as she realizes whather body is doing. This pain is not cramps, but she can’t blame herself forgetting confused, it’s been a while since she’s had her normal cycle and-

Yeah. This is what she gets for ignoring her own body aswell as she does. Dammit.

The worst part is, Abby thinks as she paces across herworkspace because so help her she is not letting this nor anything else stopher, she justified everything. Her last implant had expired shortly after shewas widowed, and she’d passed on getting another one because she was on theedge of forty and had zero plans to ever let anyone else touch her and she didn’twant to waste resources like that, and she’d just… forgotten about that detaila year and a half later when she’d gone and taken a new lover anyways. With orwithout the implant, her cycles were always erratic and she stopped trying topredict that ages ago. Nausea got justified when she wasn’t the only person whoate bad meat (turns out mutant might’ve-descended-from-a-raccoon needs to be cookedlonger than that attempt was); a little weight gain because she iseating more, because that’s a possibility now. Said weight pooling in herabdomen is normal enough for a woman her age, right?

She justified everything, she was wrong, and now she is-

Fuck.

Okay, so right now pants are a mistake. They’re soakedthrough anyways, and somehow the idea of someone wandering in and seeing hernaked from the hips down is one of the less embarrassing details of this wholedisaster. Normal people have seven or eight months to process imminent parenthoodbefore it comes. She won’t even have that many hours. Supposedly births getquicker the more a person has had, and given her track record there…

Another wave of pain hits and she grabs the edge of the tablefor support. At least she’s having this crisis – she is trying to use everyword for it but what it is, and she will go through the guilt spiral later – inmedical. Ideal place for this nightmare. If she has to give birth on herown, as is looking more and more likely, at least she is doing so in a safeplace. That’s about the only thing going right here.

There is, after all, the small issue of her partner havingno damn clue about any of this.

Last she checked – and she tries not to hover, she is notthat kind of woman and their more recent trust in each other has eliminatedsome of her tendencies – Marcus is out on a hunting / scavenging daytrip. Whichmeans he may or may not be back before this is over. Either way, explaining howshe managed to be oblivious for close to nine months about something so significantis not going to be a good time and she is more than a little nervous about thatand-

Abby hears the door open behind her. Great. Now thenightmare is complete.

“Are you…” Raven, thank goodness, at least the intruder issomeone who occasionally has common sense. “Screw that, you’re not okay.”

“How willing are you to believe things right now?” Abbyasks, turning her head to look at her friend. Group bonding across generationsis rough, but she sees a different kind of potential in the younger woman thanmost people do. Like this one, if she doesn’t accidentally kill herself beforeshe turns thirty, has some serious untapped leadership potential. And moreimportantly right now, Raven is extremely well-connected and has a highertolerance for crazy than most people. So, again, ideal person.

“From you, pretty cooperative,” Raven shrugs. “What happenedslash who do I need to electrocute?”

“I somehow managed to ignore being pregnant and… it’scoming.” And saying it out loud sounds even more damning than realizing it herselfhalf an hour ago, dragging another person into this mess with her and puttingthat weight on someone who doesn’t need it. “Feel free to judge me.”

“Nah. Not sure what you need me to do but…”

“Get someone. Anyone. Nothing against you as a person but Ido not trust you to-“

Another contraction hits before Abby can sufficientlyexplain why she’d rather not have someone who interacts with technology betterthan people as her backup here. Great. If she factors in the number of timesthis has happened that she really did think were cramps, and how long it’s beensince closing her legs felt like a good idea… shit. Yeah no. There will be noexplaining this to her partner before it’s too late.

“What I’m hearing is radio your idiot and tell him to gethis ass back here as soon as humanly possible but do not tell him whybecause that’ll break him, grab the first person I can find who I’d trust tocatch something and send them in here to help you, and go through the storageroom and hope there’s still baby clothes in that one box I found some in lastmonth. Anything I’m missing?”

If Abby were more mobile, and/or felt less like her body wasabout to explode, she would hug Raven right now. “Yes. I… yes. Thank you.”

“And try to keep this on a need-to-know basis. Far as anyoneelse is concerned, you figured out you were incubating at a normal enough timebut you decided to keep quiet about it because you hate attention. That work?”

“I’m not sure that’s going to be believable when-“

“It’s believable if you’re a couple weeks before your duedate and you can pass that particular dramatic shitshow off as being more aboutthe timing.”

“I’m not sure if you’re an angel or an evil genius.”

“I’d like to think I’m both,” Raven laughs. “Now, if youthink you have enough time here for me to do that, I’m gonna go.”

Abby assesses herself quickly. Unless something somehow goeseven more wrong, she’s got at least half an hour here. “I’ll be alright.”

And again she is alone, she thinks as the door closes behindher. This is… not an absolute worst-case scenario, but pretty damn close. At best,she’s got a lot of explaining to do when it’s all over. At worst…

Describing this as an accident is a serious understatement. Therehas been no conversation about whether or not to have kids together. It neverseemed necessary. They’re older enough that the risk seemed so low, and therearen’t restrictions on that here, and she didn’t think…

She didn’t think. That’s what this all comes down to. A temporaryvacation from her normal instincts and look what that got her. No time tomentally prepare for a tiny vulnerable creature, no time to think about theimplications for her relationship, no time to even find out if her partnerwants this enough to stick around for it, no time to-

Getting closer. She is not attempting to measure herself butshe can feel the process. Timing-wise, she probably is a few weeks earlyhere, in that comfortable space where that won’t mean any problems for thelittle creature and a normal person’s biggest concern would be not being quitedone with their preparations. Whereas she has done no preparations, whatlittle of her fate isn’t in her own hands right now has been entrusted to atwenty-one-year-old who has even less of a baseline for this, and-

It’s all too much, and Abby starts crying. Most confusedemotional release she’s ever had, not sure if it’s stress or fear or pain oranticipation or probably all of those at once. Overload enough that the nextcontraction feels muted by comparison, overload enough to overlook how uncomfortablethis all is.

It’s just a little ironic that this started bent over atable and it may well end that way too, at the rate she’s going. That’ll be funny,in a couple months when any of this can be, maybe.

She hears the door open again and this time multiplefootsteps, this time she is too exhausted to even turn her head, this time-

“Mom? What the hell?”

Limited options, Abby reminds herself. Limited options ofpeople she would trust to be her backup here, and her own – possibly soon to beolder? – daughter is one of them.

“Clarke, I can-“

“Raven filled me in,” Clarke mutters, sounding so familiarlydisapproving. Abby’s always thought her daughter takes much more after her latehusband, but sometimes there are familiar flickers in there. “You basicallyneed me to catch it.”

“Basically, yes. There should be some towels in-“

“I know where things are. Learned my organization systemfrom you.”

“And I can grab stuff,” Raven adds. That would be the secondset of feet, the bright-red jacket Abby can see in her peripheral vision. “Iwould rather not see the nightmare fuel here but I can hold things or whatever.”

“Any luck with-“

Abby swears she can somehow hear Raven roll her eyes. “Wrongperson picked up, but we tried. The group at least knows something is goingdown here and hopefully I yelled enough to-“

The next pain is strong enough to blur Abby’s vision. “Nextone is it.” She’s amazed she can even talk clearly right now, but her presenceis not going away just because she’s in a crisis. She’s gotten through worse. Rarelybeen on this end of it, rarely felt so helpless, but she will not let anythingstop her. “Be ready.”

Around her, the girls attempt as much prep as they can. Abbydoes not know what they’re doing, does not think about it. There is only this. Thereis her, and the little creature that is about to exit her body, and her olderchild who is surprisingly calm about all of this, and another member of theirfamily who is at least trying to do the same, and a black hole where herpartner should be and-

She screams.

She lets it be a blur. She does not want to remember thesefew moments.

She knows one of the girls is hovering under her with alarge towel in hand, and the other one is yelling, and she doesn’t know whichis which and she doesn’t care. She knows that this is at least a familiar pain,and the first part is the worst, and the little creature – now officially hersecond child, she will let herself process that later – is slick andcooperative and how the child of two such stubborn people is so easy to dealwith in its first moments she does not know but-

“I have a little sister,” Clarke says somewhere in thebackground.

Abby wants to collapse. Wants to sleep for a very long time.She focuses on her body, on all the things she knows. There is still pain, waitingfor the afterbirth to come out. She suspects she’s torn but not as badly as itcould’ve been, and her breasts ache and at some point soon that too will beuseful, and-

She fades out. Exhaustion is a wonderful thing. She knowsher body will do what it needs to, and she trusts the girls enough, and… shecan’t do this anymore.

When she wakes up, she’s somehow been moved to the cot –which means someone else has seen her questionable condition, great, just whatshe doesn’t need – and she’s in a clean shirt and someone has placed cold clothbetween her legs to help the hurting and-

“You really didn’t know?”

She’s not awake enough for this shit.

Abby turns her head and yep, there is her partner (but howmuch longer can she call him that, she wonders) in a chair someone must’vebrought in, looking at her like he does not know where to start but he has alot of questions. It’s been a while since she’s had to interpret that look, andshe is concerned.

“I didn’t know,” she repeats. “You’ve known me since we werechildren, you know I can justify anything, I thought-“

“Alright.” And now for the scary-calm. That particularversion has evolved over the past year and a half or so, as Marcus has learned howto be more of a person, but she still knows it too well. He’s harder to readthis way, and more dangerous to those around him. “When I found out… I thought…”

“Do you really think I would’ve hidden this from you if I’dknown?”

“I had to ask.”

“I wouldn’t… I just went through hell,” she hisses. “Involuntarily.Again. And I wouldn’t have had to if I’d paid more attention to myself but youknow I don’t-“

“I believe you.”

She’s not sure she believes him right now, but she isstill too exhausted to move so that fight can wait a day or two. “Where is…” Shedoesn’t know the right word. My daughter? Ours? Which of those will hold longer?

“Raven’s looking after her. You needed to rest, and… I canlook after you here, Raven can keep the baby in her workshop except when sheneeds to feed.”

Abby rolls her eyes. Yeah, keep a newborn in the mostdangerous place in the settlement, great idea. On the other hand, Raven’sspace is at least warm. “And you’re…”

“Still processing,” Marcus finishes. “Someone tried to radious but we were a few miles out, and when we got back I didn’t have time tothink before someone shoved what looked like a bundle of towels in my arms and…”

“It is yours. If that was going to be your next question.”

“It wasn’t. But good to know.”

“I just… I ignored everything, and I…”

He reaches out for her hand, and even that feels like toomuch physical contact right now but it’s a nice gesture anyways. “I’m notblaming you.”

“Well that’s new,” she mutters. He’s been decent for a year,she should have more faith, but… “Are you going to stay?”

And now for the look of stunned horror, the wide eyes and haltedbreaths and for a moment she’s broken him. “Am I… how is that a question?!”

“You are aware how many bad choices I’ve made here…”

“You’ve always been a little impulsive,” he counters. “And stubborn.And usually right. And I don’t know why you think this kind of innocent mistakewould push me away.”

“It’s a screaming liability of a mistake?”

“It’s ours. And I want… if you want…”

“Yeah. You’ve never done this before. You do not realize thehell you’ve just volunteered for.”

“I’m with you. How bad could it be.”

He leans down and kisses her forehead, and the scratch ofhis beard is way too much, and… yeah. They’ll be okay.

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

WARNING: A little NSFW.

NOTE: Welcome to July! I went nearly a week with no internet, but I have returned and I intend to start jamming this fic through to the end. We're essentially entering the last "arc" of the story now and I hope you're all ready for it. Thank you for the reviews and continued readership, I appreciate that so much - especially when I'm taking forever to get this finished.

---------------------------------------------------

"Aww, c'mon, why am I the only one excited about this?"

The rest of the gang sort of shrugged noncommittally. None of them seemed to want to say aloud that the reason they couldn't summon the same level of anticipation as Yosuke was that they were still missing Narukami. Chie was staring down into her usual bowl of meat, stirring it distractedly.

"Not even you, Satonaka?!"

"Why me?!" she protested grumpily. "Like, single somebody else out, you jerk!"

Wilting in defeat, Yosuke leaned back against the railing around the school roof. "Ugh… you're all impossible."

"It's just Golden Week," Yukiko protested with a slight squirm. She wanted to be kind, to resist the temptation to pop Yosuke's little bubble of joy. But she also wanted to be realistic. "I agree, it would be wonderful to have a little vacation, but if we can't agree on where to go, and aren't that excited as a group…"

"Come on, we shouldn't have to give up that easy." Rise shrugged and hopped up from her seat. "Why don't we just do Okinawa? It's far enough that it's a vacation without being so crazy that all our time would be taken up by travel. I mean, unless we have to go all the way to Hawaii or something to have a good time."

The floppy-haired boy looked at her like she was the coming Messiah, drifting down from upon high to bless him with her presence. "Bless you. Absolutely bless you for saving me! I could kiss you!"

When he started to approach, she held up a hand palm out. "Try it and I will be wearing your teeth as a necklace." As he deflated, she turned the charm back on and pressed her hands together on one side of her face, smiling a dazzling smile. "Okinawa it is! We just need an adult to accompany us, or we're gonna get hassled a lot."

"Hmm, good point," Naoto said. Then the group as one looked toward the unsuspecting Kanji.

"Huh? Wha- I'm younger than most of you guys!"

"Yeah, but you look older," Chie pointed out with a thoughtful expression, tapping her chin with her index finger. "Do you think we could pull it off?"

While the taller boy was very clearly fuming that they thought of him as an old man, Yosuke put his fists firmly on his hips. "Yeah! I'm liking this! Next stop, the island of Okinawa!"

                                                        ~ o ~

Of course, even though at that time Rise was overjoyed, there would be complications. And one of these was pointed out to her by Ebihara after school, when they were stopping off at the Shiroku store just to take a poke around.

"Why didn't you suggest everybody go see Narukami?"

Rise stopped dead with her hand halfway reaching toward a candy bar. "Oh… I… wow, that is a really good point."

"As if I make any other kind," Ai scoffed with a half-smirk. "But yeah… probably a little late now, since you have everybody amped up to go to Okinawa. But hey, there's always summer vacation."

"Yeah, that's true… but I feel incredibly stupid. Seriously, why didn't I think of him first? We all miss him… me most of all, since he's my boyfriend."

The taller girl rolled her eyes as she picked up a bottle of green tea. "Are we going back to that? You can't do anything about it publicly right now, anyway — since the entire world is convinced you're having a 'Class S fling' before you grow up."

The words hit her so hard she had to brace against the wall to keep from pitching over. "You saw that one, huh?"

"All over every tabloid. They really like that outdated way of thinking; like girls can't legitimately want to be with girls for their whole lives. To be honest, I'm a little shocked you aren't being hounded by paparazzi at this exact second. We don't exactly have a lot of LGBT idols."

"Yes, well… there aren't any pictures, so technically, it's just a bunch of gossip from teenage girls. Only had a handful of phone calls about it, and saying 'no comment' to all those seemed to actually stop them. Pretty weird."

"That's because you're all washed up, Kujikawa," she sighed, smirking hard at her. "Yesterday's news. Retired before your time."

"Stooop! Why are you so mean to me?!" She slapped her a few times on the arm, and Ai laughed and held it up to shield herself a little better.

"Kidding! God, take a joke, bitch. But for real… maybe the word isn't out about your comeback yet, so they don't think you're worth being headline news. It will get a lot bigger when you get a lot bigger again."

At least that was a less bleak spin on the situation. Rise smiled over at her as they paid for their odds and ends and headed out. "Fine. I just don't know what difference it makes to you where we go."

"Hey, maybe I want to see Okinawa just as bad as you. Why are you the one that gets to decide everything without my input?"

"Oh, don't be such a…" Then it caught up to her, and she turned with raised eyebrows to look at her girlfriend. "What?"

"You're the one who can't finish her thought. What what?"

"I didn't think you would want to come with us."

Ai scowled as they came to a stop in the middle of the main street, hands on her hips. "You really think you're going on a big Golden Week vacation and I won't want to go with my supposed romantic partner?"

"No, not… I didn't think you would want to go with them. After what happened."

"Mm. I mean, clearly they are complete morons. But… being with you trumps having to put up with their idiotic antics. Besides… you gotta."

Jutting out her chin, she said, "Hey! I don't 'gotta' do anything but stay cute and talented!" Ai only laughed, so she stamped her foot. "Don't you laugh at me!"

"Why not? You're adorable. And anyway, I meant because I'm your giiirlfriend, so how would it look if you showed up there without me? Or if the town spotted me wandering around this week while you're out there living it up. Face it, you really painted yourself into a corner this time, Kujikawa."

Still pouting, she muttered, "Fine, senpai. I guess you know best."

"I do," she replied, mussing her hair up. Rise slapped at her hands and she laughed, and eventually Rise couldn't help laughing as well. "Sorry, I know that's a pain in the ass to fix. But you're just too cute!"

"I am," she admitted with a sigh. "And you're right; I did this whole 'public relationship' thing to get you to listen to me, and it was a dirty trick. This is my punishment. I must accept it diligently."

"Who the hell are you supposed to be now? Wait, you know what? Don't tell me. Let me just believe you lost your goddamn mind." That one earned her a lot more smackings.

                                                        ~ o ~

Everything bumped along easily enough through to the following Saturday. The minute their classes let out, the whole gang was racing home to their already-packed bags, ditching their uniforms, and hopping the train to a bus, to the airport. It was a mess of changeovers and stress, but Naoto had mapped the perfect route that would limit their time spent travelling without costing them extra. Without her, they would have been sunk.

The trip itself took the entire rest of the day. By the time they dragged themselves into their rooms in the rustic inn, they were all ready to fall immediately into bed and be dead to the world for several hours so that the next day they could enjoy themselves. The problem was…

"Wait, where are our beds?!"

Yosuke wasn't wrong. The traditional-looking room most certainly didn't have beds at all. The boy pouted as he dropped his duffel bag and clutched at his hair, scanning every nook and cranny as if one would jump out at him from the shadows.

"This does seem to be very traditional," Yukiko pointed out, scanning the room again. She immediately crossed to the closet and yanked open one of the sliding doors. "Ah! Futon."

"Futon?! Aww, I thought they'd have Western beds! We're on vacation, for cryin' out loud!"

"Don't be such a baby," Chie sighed, stretching her limbs. "Feel more sorry for those of us who don't like sleeping with a bunch of nosy jerks so close to each other. Like you."

While he was pouting and grumbling, Rise glanced between her and the dutiful Yukiko, who was already laying out the futons for everyone without prompting. Falling into her usual job. Chie probably meant that she was upset she wouldn't get much "alone time" with her girlfriend while they were all lying on top of each other. That really was too bad; even if she had barely tasted true love with Narukami, and seen hints of it in a certain affluent team manager, she knew that being kept away from it would likely be as agonising as it sounded.

And speak of the devil…

"Sucks to be you guys."

They all turned at once, and Rise cringed when she noticed everybody else froze. So she tried to be quick about announcing, "Hey, Ebi-chan! You made it!"

"Thank you, Welcoming Committee Of One," she snorted as she glanced around at the rest of them. "And you guys, too. Really doing a great job of making me feel like this trip was worth it."

"You don't have to be here," Chie muttered.

"What's that? It almost sounded like you had something to say, Bowl Cut."

Said bowl cut almost seemed to bristle as Chie rolled up the sleeve of her green jacket and started to stomp over toward her. But Kanji grabbed her by the neckline to hold her back. "Can't you guys save it till tomorrow?" he yawned. "I'm beat."

"Please?" Rise insisted. The tomboy looked like she wanted to protest, but she dropped back to fold her arms over her chest sulkily.

"Beautiful," Ai snorted. "I've just come to collect my property and then I'll head back to my room."

"What property is that?" Rise asked. When Ai pointed at her, she gulped and whispered, "Oh."

"I don't think that's very nice," Yukiko remarked with a slight frown.

Summoning a smile wasn't exactly easy when she was dealing with all those butterflies in her stomach, but Rise managed. "She's kidding, Yuki-chan. Thanks, though."

"Who says I was kidding? If you want me to keep playing along with this media circus, you're my bitch. Get used to it." Then she smirked at the others. "I promise to return her in good condition. Slightly used."

As they headed out, Rise bowing slightly and apologising, she overheard Chie muttering "The nerve of that guy" before the door shut behind them. Great.

"Did you hear that?"

"Yep."

"I'm really sorry. I tried to explain ab-"

"I don't give a shit what Bowl Cut thinks about me. They can all think I'm some drag queen if they want; there are worse things in the world. Like bigots."

"Y-yeah," she laughed nervously. "But I'm kinda hoping… we can all get along during this trip. Maybe they can even be better than-"

"Don't hold your breath."

"I will," she told her, a little frustrated with being cut off so many times. "I'll hold my breath until Golden Week is over if I want to, you aren't the boss of me. No matter what you just told them."

Finally, Ai turned to smirk at her as they walked along toward the other hotel room. She had flown ahead, given that she had access to more swift modes of transportation than the plebs; Rise could have done the same, but she wanted to hang with the group. "Oh, we'll see about that, bitch. But not tonight. Everybody's exhausted."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." However, she changed her tune quick when Rise turned on her heel and started walking back the way they came. "Wha- hey!" She jogged a couple of steps to catch up. "Where are you going?"

"Back to crowd into that shitty little room. It's better than being called your bitch every five seconds."

"Hey, whose fault is that? And do you really wanna have a public fight where the paparazzi can see us?"

"I don't even care. Maybe that would be for the best; then it's a public end to the public thing, and you can be an asshole to… to whoever you want, on your own time! So just leave me alone and go… to…"

The hand clamped onto her own gave her pause. The touch was firm but not rough; just enough to keep her from storming any further toward where her friends were getting ready for bed. When Rise didn't try pulling away, she caught up enough to place her other hand on Rise's shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Wow, you really are a jerk." Ai swallowed hard before continuing, "I'm sorry… for being so… ugh. This is a pain in the ass."

"Then I guess I'm not worth it to you."

"Wow, loaded statement much?" No response, so she pressed ahead, "I'm trying. Okay? I'm just a bitch by default, you know that — and you did some fucked shit to me. Let me work through it if you want to get anywhere."

Rise turned and buried her face in Ai's chest, nuzzling against the side of her neck. The taller girl's breath caught and held fast. "Just be nice to me. Try?"

"Rise…" After a second, her hand drifted up to press into her back, holding her there. "Come on. Let's go get some sleep."

"Yeah." They parted, turned to head for Ai's room… but weren't walking nearly as far apart this time. That was marked progress.

                                                        ~ o ~

The next morning was a lot more interesting than that evening. They were so dead tired that they only got about half their clothes off before crawling into the futons Ai had set up — right next to each other. Her rationale was that if anyone checked the suite, it would support their claim that they were a hot-and-heavy couple. Rise found it hard to argue with that.

However, waking up with a decent-sized boner digging into her hip was a fine hello.

'Oh GOD,' she squealed internally. 'This can't be happening! Ai is all horny and too asleep for me to be able to ask her to cut that out!' In fact, she had tried to dig her elbow into her side, just enough to rouse her; no luck. If she did more than that she was afraid of robbing her of her sleep, or waking her up in a bad mood that might persist for the remainder of the day. Or worse: waking her up and embarrassing her, which she didn't want to do, either.

Then again… she couldn't pretend some part of the reason she didn't wake her was interest. What was it like to touch her directly? Not just petting along it with one finger for half a second — or through underwear and a long t-shirt; she already knew what that felt like, given that she had been dealing with the sensation for about fifteen minutes by now.

The worst part was how her own body was reacting. At first, she was just nervous and maybe a little creeped out, even though her curiosity was always there. But by now… she felt her heart pounding, throat dry, and tingles in places she had rarely felt tingles before. All thanks to a rigid little monster hiding in her girlfriend's panties.

"Wakey-wakey, Ebi-chaaaan," she whispered to the figure slumbering against her side. She really did look so sweet there. So pretty… she wanted to kiss her again. But that wasn't okay! She was asleep. Even though she knew it was a relatively harmless thing to do, she still didn't feel quite right about it.

Maybe she should try to slide out from under her. Yes, that sounded like a much safer idea. Nobody would feel like they had been violated this way. So little by little, she began to inch away from her, keeping her eyes on Ai's flawless features…

"Nnnhh…"

"Hey!" Rise squeaked when the sleeping girl redoubled her grip on her. Shit! She bit her lip, trying to ignore how much closer to a certain area that firm presence was now. Could she find no relief from this personal hell?!

This was supposed to be Narukami. Oh, she had dreamed many times about waking up beside him, letting him see a glimpse of a sexy shoulder before she pulled her kimono on and went to get breakfast. Sometimes, he dragged her back to bed, began to ravage her with kisses. And sometimes…

Well, no, she didn't really imagine sex. That part wasn't as integral to her fantasies; she just wanted to enjoy the physical and emotional intimacy. The act itself might be fun but she wasn't as concerned with that. But from time to time, she did imagine Yu kissing all over her neck, or-

OH NO. Now she was even more tingly and right up against the thing that had instigated these tingles in the first place. This was getting bad! Ai was groaning a little from all the movement but not quite rousing from her slumber. So she was still stuck fast.

"Ebihara, please," she hissed, pushing at her shoulders slightly. The noises got louder. "Hey! Are you in there, somewhere?!"

"Mhhh?" she asked as her hips began to grind a little — and Rise could swear she was seeing stars. This was awakening her body for the first time and she was just starting to wish that this wouldn't stop. "Who… wha?"

When Ai's eyes slit open and she saw Rise was beneath her, she blinked a few times. Rise gulped and grimaced. Then the teen queen began to frown down at her pop star girlfriend as she struggled to come up with a proper greeting.

"Oh. I uh… good… morning?"

                                                                To Be Continued…

[flamestoflight]

candid.

this is a breaking point

i really have not been taking care of myself lately. i’ve been neglecting my physical health and my mental health to an extent that i haven’t done in years. everything is just happening so fast and all at once. graduation, a new job, a new city, a new apartment, a hard and painful breakup, an exciting new relationship, an upcoming trip, trying to get my licensure in order before I leave, dealing with all the new employee stuff.....it’s just a lot. it’s a hell of a lot. and i’ve been neglecting every aspect of caring for my physical and mental health for the past month.

it started after i finished my last rotation in early December. I was in the mindset of “fuck it, I’m finally done with school, I have 2 months until I start a real job, I’m just going to let loose and not care during this time period because it’s an opportunity i won’t have again.” And I was right about that, I will never have 2 months like this again. I will likely never even have a full week like this again - free to do whatever with my days, no 8 hours a day/5 days a week work. and at first it was in the name of mental and physical health. a rest from nonstop grinding for yearssssss. A rest from 4:30am alarms to get to the gym before work, of working 10 hours and then coming home and studying, of 5 hours of class followed by 3 hours of clinic followed by studying for my exam the next day, of meal prepping and skipping the dinner outing or the trip to the bar in the name of discipline, of working like an absolute dog to get to where I am. 

But it’s turned bad. It’s turned into a blatant neglect for my health. I’ve stopped taking my prescribed meds, I’ve stopped working out, I’ve stopped eating well....some days I don’t eat at all and others I eat like shit for every single meal. My weight has fluctuated like crazy these past 2 months, low to high to low to high. I honest to god cannot tell you the last time I had a fruit that wasn’t a garnish on a drink. I haven’t cooked for myself in 2 months. I haven’t eaten brown rice or quinoa or spinach or chia seeds or oats or literally any vegetable or fruit or anything that used to be a staple for me. 

I haven’t spent time outdoors. I haven’t read a book. I haven’t organized my space, I haven’t been washing my face, I haven’t had any semblance of a sleeping schedule. 

and to a certain extent, that’s okay. You know, that’s living life and that’s being flexible and adaptable and understanding that your life isn’t supposed to fit in a box and you aren’t supposed to be a solid mold. I understand all that, and in a way I am proud of my ability to break out of my routine time and time again, and choose friends and late nights and beer and a weekend trip out of town over rigidity and strictness and anything that I am used to.

But it’s gone too far and it has been for a few weeks now and I’m just ignoring the problem as if it’s going to go away. To be fair to me, I have been emotionally all over the place and gone through ups and downs that I never saw coming. and i’ve been trying to handle this emotional whirlwind, trying to handle the nighttime depression that has started creeping back in, trying to handle the couple of panic attacks i’ve induced over the past month, trying to handle my tendencies to use food as a weapon against myself, to use self-deprivation (water, sleep, vegetables, fresh air) as weapon against myself. Trying to handle the overwhelming pressure I feel to be good at my new job, with my fancy new degree at a fancy new hospital and not let everyone down and not let myself down. 

I kind of feel like I’ve lost myself a little bit. I haven’t been engaging in the things that have always been important to me. At least not the ones that only involve me. I’ve been very present in my relationship, present in my family life, present when it comes to making plans with friends. But I’ve lost the part of me that cares about the food she puts into her body, who respects her body and moves it every day, whether that be stretching and handstands or squatting and pressing or walking and hiking. I just haven’t been. 

Yesterday I went with my boyfriend to get his hair cut and he said it was going to be about an hour and for 5 minutes I sat in the car mindlessly scrolling through my phone and that’s how I was planning to pass the time....and I instantly started getting anxious and antsy. Because that’s not me, that’s not what I do. I got out of the car and walked a little less than a mile to the local library and grabbed myself a latte and perused some books, sat down at a table and opened one at random and started reading. I walked!! outside. and I read!! a book. while i sipped my latte. THAT is me. That’s what I do, that’s the Lauren that’s engaged in her life, engaged in her surroundings, takes care of her mental stimulation and moves her body a bit.

It’s very tough for me to be in this state of transition. Nothing is permanent right now, everything, everything is about to change. And in order to deal with the impending change and the stress that’s associated with it, I’ve become lost in the moment. (as a side note, I think that living in the moment is extremely important and valuable. I, however, have become completely lost in it...directionless, unsure, lacking confidence, losing myself kind of lost). And I want to change that. I need to change that.

this is a breaking point.

And this breaking point comes at a really unfortunate time. I’m leaving in 2 days to fly to Tanzania, I’ll be gone for 10 days total in the wilderness with zero semblance of routine and zero control over any of it. Two days after I come back, I drive to my new city and start the move-in process. I’ll be in Baltimore for 5 days, I’ll be back home for part of the next week where I’ll be trying to figure out how to get my stuff out of storage, how to get my furniture from my ex, how move into my own place...and also trying to cram in seeing my boyfriend who will have started classes and has more limited time. I have to figure out how ad when to get the cats to Baltimore, I have to figure out what furniture I need and how to get it, where to get it, how much I can afford to spend. I have so little control over anything the next 2 weeks, my opportunities to work out will be slim to none, my opportunities to cook for myself and meal prep will be slim to none, my opportunities to decide how much time I get to spend with the people I care about and those that give me comfort will be slim to none. 

but I can’t fight this breaking point anymore. It;s been a longggg time coming, and I’m almost relieved it’s here. Time to break out the journal, the planner, time to break out the attitude that gets shit done, time to break out the side of me that is fed up with my current bullshit and wants to be better. I can’t let this go forever. It’s grind time again. It’s time to sleep better, eat better, move better, treat other people better, engage more, work harder, get shit done. I cannot start my new job in this slump. I have to be on my A+ game from day one, out the gate. I have to show them why they hired me and what I can do for them. And that starts with reminding myself what I can do for myself. 

And there’s balance to all of this. I’m not done drinking wine or eating ice cream or taking rest days or choosing to live in the moment with others. I just need to find my balance again. Restore the scales back to where they were, restore myself back to where I was. Bring myself back from the brink that I have been standing on for weeks and weeks and weeks. It’s not easy, the opportunities in the next 3 weeks will not be handed to me. I will have to fight for every single one of them, and make it a priority. 

It starts tonight. It starts with getting my ass out of bed, drinking some water, making a salad for dinner, meal prepping some breakfast for tomorrow, getting to bed at a reasonable time. It continues tomorrow, when I get up at a reasonable time, get my ass to the gym, pack my bags for Tanzania, get all my travel documents in order, make the last purchases I need to make. Make my bed. Get outside. Take a fucking walk. Breathe some fresh air, read my book. 

I’ve always been an all or nothing person. The last month, taking care of myself has been off my radar, it’s been at nothing. Tonight I start to bring it back. I don’t want to go back to “all,” because I know that side of it isn’t good for me. I know what I can end up doing when I put my everything into “bettering myself” - I know that that pendulum swings waaay to fast and too hard in the other direction. I’m gonna play some video games tonight still, I’m gonna facetime my boyfriend tonight still, I’m going to probably have a small glass of wine tonight still. I’m just going to also do better, be better than I have for the past month. Better to myself and better to others. 

There is SO much I haven’t even covered in this post, but it’s a semblance of what I’ve been laying in bed for the past 3 hours thinking about. And it gets me going the way I need it to. I know what else is going on in my head, I know what else I need to address besides this ^. But this is a start. This is a breaking point. And even though I’m mentally tired and emotionally strained and physically under-nourished and dehydrated and my skin hates me and my body feels worn down and my motivation is close to zero....I’m walking headfirst into this.

My phoenix tattoo was inspired by a quote I saw: “in order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix first must burn.” And at the time I got the tattoo there was a specific moment in mind, a specific time frame of my life that I was thinking of, I have come to realize that it can apply in many ways. I’m going to have a lot more downs in my life, I’m going to be burned in my life, I’m going to be reduced to ashes. But we rise up. That’s all we can do. We hit our bottom, we hit our breaking point, we gather ourselves, and we rise.

this is a breaking point. and i will rise.

[superthiccthighssavelives]

Give Me A Try - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - The Agenda

The cab was warm and reeked of patchouli. Soft music was soothing me into relaxation, my head resting back into the seat. Whoever was singing had the most beautiful, ethereal voice.  I closed my eyes, almost drifting off, half dreaming about a cheeseburger and my bed. 

I finally reached home, took the 100 year old lift up to my floor and collapsed onto my futon. I forgot it wasn’t as soft as my bed, and my ass paid the price. “OWWW” I whined more than yelled, just another damn thing today. I pushed myself up and poured a shot of vodka I had been pining over since noon. It burned going down, but the warmth running into my chest felt so good. 

A bubble bath sounded nice, too bad I only have a tiny stand up shower. My apartment was actually quite large, but lacked any fine amenities I was used to back in the states. I didn’t have much money to furnish it, so I had to deal with a lumpy futon, a lamp and a few plants. 

The building used to be an old factory, but had since shut down and turned into artists lofts as they called them. To be honest, I’ve always dreamed of living in one, with of course, more stuff to make it my own. The only downfall, the drafts, I was always chilly. The fireplace was wood burning, but my skill at starting fires were severely lacking. 

Choosing from old chinese food, cold pizza (my microwave had decided to kick the bucket this morning), or a banana for dinner proved to be too difficult of a decision for me, I wanted that juicy cheeseburger I had been dreaming of, but sadly, my funds were limited and I’d much rather have running water and electricity. 

My belly rumbled, I poured another shot and winced at how harshly it was going down. Fuck it, old chinese it is, I’m pretty sure MSG can hold up for 2 weeks right? If not, a reason to call in sick. I laughed at that thought, there’s no way on Earth I would be allowed to take a day off, sick or not. Not only would I most likely be dragged out by my hair, everything would fall apart without me mediating.

Sweet and sour chicken was more sour than sweet, so after a few noodles, the carton descended into the bin. Giving up, I peeled off my wet clothes, leaving them in a soggy pile on the floor. The steam of the shower felt so good, relieving the stress of the day. My muscles relaxed, and even though it was only 8pm, my bed was calling me. 

I dreamed of cheeseburgers wearing glasses, telling me to pick up their dry cleaning. I blame the old chinese food on that one. I dreamed the rain flooded my apartment, I dreamed about my shoe breaking over and over like one of those boomerang videos, and finally I dreamed about my hands, my hands that gripped so tightly onto his jacket, and hands that held me in place so firmly. All I saw were hands. I woke up in a cold sweat thinking I was late for work. 

3:36AM, I was safe. My heart was beating out of my chest. I chugged a warm glass of water I had sitting on my night stand and laid back down. I tried to get back to sleep, but I kept seeing green eyes. I turned and sighed, hearing his voice yell after me. I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter, trying to get that vision out of my head.

I’ve been awake for 3 goddamn hours since that last dream. I’m exhausted but my mind refused to let me sleep any longer. 

After the clock ticked to 6:45am, I decided to just get up, grab my banana and look over today’s agenda in my book.

I rummaged through my bag, unable to feel it. It was a bottomless pit at times, full of receipts, tissues, makeup, random shit I’ve collected that day. I tipped it over dumping its contents on the floor, nope not here.

“Shit shit shit SHIT! Ok, no, it was in my coat pocket, right?“

Grabbing my jacket, which was still wet and now smelling rather musty, my hands frantically searched, coming up with nothing. I had ...everything, in there. Appointments, meetings, schedules, notes for today’s shoot. “Oh my god, fuuuuuuuuuuuck”

This time my emotions got the best of me and a few tears slipped out, I was so screwed without that book. Justin (my fashion editor) was going to murder me. I tugged on my hair trying to think of where else it could be, did I leave it at work? But I wasn’t even at the office yesterday. Ok, when was the last time I had it? 

Yesterday morning, on the train. Yes I was sure, I was writing down ideas for Noreen’s next article. Noreen being a staff writer, who I had become chummy with. She was looking for ideas for anything new and interesting, I had a few, but they’re fucking gone now! 

Oh god, what if I dropped it while on the way to the train? I am completely fucked. 

I felt sick, I paced the floor, I breathed in and out rapidly, I put my head between my knees. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. Shit!

I eyed my vodka bottle, no, that’s not gonna help. I‘ll retrace my steps, it’s early enough to go back and look, maybe someone turned it into a station attendant! I threw on shoes and a jacket, booking it down the street. I hopped on the first bus I saw heading in that direction.

I didn’t care that I was wearing pajamas with kittens on them, or combat boots, or that my hair was disheveled, I NEEDED to find my planner. The rain was still coming down, but in short sprinkled bursts. I looked everywhere I thought I was at, I got on the ground and looked under old damp newspapers, I almost, thisclose, reached into the bins to see if someone had thrown it out, if no one thought I wasn’t crazy then, they sure as hell would now.

Disappointment and despair filled me. Well, what now?

Once again, I peeled off my wet clothes right as I entered my apartment, and hurriedly got ready for work. I contemplated calling in sick, I kept reaching for the phone, and putting it back down. My mind was racing. Is it possible to have a heart attack this young? 

I resigned myself and prepared for my fate. Maybe I’d get lucky and we would be in the office today, I couldn’t for the life of me remember the agenda. 

The train ride was especially short, of course. Today of all days, public transit decides to be efficient. I found myself inside the office, not even remembering how I got there. My head was in such a daze, I was scared to death of being fired. 

Justin’s hand wrapped around my arm pulling me to his desk. “You’re late! We gotta get to the shoot! Call us an Uber.”

Thank god he knew where we were going, cause I sure as hell didn’t. Fuck, I didn’t even know the address of where we were going. My eyes darted around the room, desperately trying to think, remember, recall any part of yesterday’s meetings. 

Justin shouted my name, echoing through the whole office. “How much longer?”

“Just a few minutes!” My voice was shaky and sounded seriously hoarse. I looked down at the desk, I was saved. There was a call sheet for today’s shoot I must have left behind. 

After climbing what felt like 50 flights of stairs, we made it into the studio. What a clusterfuck. People were blurs, rushing back and forth, camera flashes, yelling,  pure chaos. I felt naked without my book, I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. My head was filled with static, getting louder and louder. 

I took a seat on one of the sofas, and froze. I saw a pair of familiar green eyes catch mine…

Chapter 1 - The London Underground

Chapter 2 - Theater

Graphics courtesy of @stardustmess​ <3

@hvnkymadden​ @hryedwrdstles​

[falling-stars-and-open-scars]

Well fuck {TW some meanspo directed at/for myself}

Note: I am a legit dumbass. Do NOT do what I do. I do NOT advise this for anyone but myself. I am NOT a doctor and willingly acknowledge that I am causing more damage in the long run. Please please PLEASE do NOT do as I do. You are far too good for this, kiddo. <3

May 25th, 2020

Hey guys. I know, I haven’t written in a while. Life’s been crazy and busy and stressful and yada-yada-yada, I ended up gaining back *ALMOST* all of the weight I lost at the start of the year (from 290, down to 270; then back up to 283). 

Suffice it to say, I’ve been SUUUUPER pissed at myself for not having more control of what I eat/drink, allowing myself too many breaks from the plan. What makes me even more upset is the fact that my best friend also started to lose weight (she was 199 and is now down to like 170) -- SHE has managed to keep it off {and of course, everyone is commenting on how good she looks}. BUT she also has prescribed medication to help her; so it’s not like she’s doing this by sheer willpower alone like I’m trying to do. She honestly doesn’t need to lose weight, she looks just fine for her frame/age; but she’s medically considered on the obese side and she wants to try to donate her eggs for money. {Let’s just ignore the fact that I’m like Morbidly Obese Level II >_>} 

My point is: she’s fine the way she is. People still find her super attractive. She can still FIND her size in any store she walks into. She can still eat and people won’t be disgusted by the sight of it; they actually encourage her to eat MORE because “Oh poor thin thing, you haven’t eaten since yesterday at lunch”. She can do everything I can’t. She’s still the pretty princess and I’m just the smart-ass fat sidekick. 

God damn, I just want to be considered beautiful. I want to feel comfortable in my own damn body.  I’ve started doing camming, and while I do have a small following, I absolutely HAAAATE the idea that they are ONLY following me because of a fat fetish that they have....they ONLY view me as attractive because of my size, like my size is something to be proud of {newflash: it’s not}. I’d rather be a cute, tiny thing, than this big blob of uggo. But, as it stands now, that is exactly what I am: a blob of uggo.

I don’t think I will ever get down to my 16-18 year old weight (which back then was 160-180). I think I need to accept that, the absolute best I can do will be 200. I will never be 160 again. I will never be 130 again. I will never be this small, fragile doll that people want to care for and love. At best, 200. Which, I guess isn’t bad for a 30 year old; I’d rather be 200 than 300. 

It absolutely sickens me to be this way; to be 30 years old and 300 pounds -- knowing that, if something doesn’t change, I WILL be 600 pounds at some point in my life. It disgusts me to think that, on My 600 Pound Life, they STRIVE to be my size or less. It disgusts me to think that my size is someone else’s goal because who tf wants to look like this, who tf wants to look like me?

So, I have decided that I need extreme help. Trying to do keto AND low carb AND restrict was too much...so now I’m just restricting (hardcore). From 1,200 kcal limit per day to 800kcal limit per day (except on work days, then I will allow 1,000 because I have to lift 50+ pound dogs of various temperaments multiple times a day PLUS deal with pissed off feral cats -- I NEED to have my strength and wits about me those days so I don’t get bit and I can’t do that if I feel like ass/feel like I’m going to pass out). 

Yesterday, I did amazingly well and was actually UNDER my limit for the first time in months {capped off at 547/800}. Today, it’s so far so good at 380 {and it’s not quite lunch time yet; speaking of which, I think I’ll have a diet cherry coke and call it good}. I haven’t weighed myself in about a week and, given that ol’ Satan’s waterfall is brewing in my uterus, I don’t think I will right now; I’ll wait a little while longer. 

Overall, I’m still really mad at myself for letting go, for undoing all of the work I put in. I think that, deep down, the fact that no one noticed my weight loss or commented on it; made me unmotivated. Because 30 pounds lost on a 300 pound person doesn’t LOOK like much of a change; whereas a 30 pound weight loss on a 180 pound person IS a noticeable change, even though they lost the same amount of weight. I think I crave praise and positive attention because I cannot tell it to myself and truly believe it -- too many years with that negative voice, that negative self-talk, to believe anything good about myself; so I MUST hear it from others whose opinions I actually value.

{Ooof, that got deep real quick}

So, in summary:

800 cal limit, EXCEPT on work days (So Monday, Thursday, and Friday; Volunteer days do NOT count even though I’m basically doing my regular job but just slapping a “volunteer” label on it)

Period/Satan’s Waterfall/Monthly Subscription does NOT excuse me from weight loss. You want chocolate? Tough, eat an apple. Oh you’re cramping and irritated? Food’s not gonna fix that, ride the wave and deal with it.

If you dont know the calorie count, PUT IT TF BACK!

Ring-Fit at LEAST once a week for at LEAST 20 minutes {in addition to the physical demands of your job}

[queenquarantine-blog]

Day 7.

Location: Houston, Tx

Current health status: coming off of a flu and rolling over onto severe seasonal allergies-pretty much a snotty mess

Confirmed cases in my area: 62 positive as of yesterday.

3 in Brazos

4 in Brazoria

12 in Fort Bend

4 in Galveston

1 in Grimes

18 in Harris

10 in Houston

2 cases 1 death in Matagorda

7 in Montgomery

My younger sisters have been home from school for 7 days now. They were to start a week long vacation from school for spring break but it has been extended until April 10 to lessen the chances of covid-19 spreading. All schools are closed and colleges are trying to move work online.

They are absolutely going stir crazy and driving everyone up the walls. It's hard being preteens in general and now they are expected to deal with being constantly stuck inside for the unforeseeable future.

I was really excited hear that free-of-charge testing will take place at United Memorial Medical Center, located at 510 West Tidwell, on the following days and times:

Thursday, March 19: 10:00 AM - 8:00 PM

Friday, March 20: 8:00 AM - 6:00 PM

Monday, March 23 - Friday, March 27: 8:00 AM - 8:00 PM

https://abc13.com/6026270/?ex_cid=SND_KTRK_FB&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=snd

You'd think theyd have a continuous testing area set up but I'm not sure why they are only offering it for these few days.

Current mental status: worried and stressed. My mother is flitting about happily because she hasn't had a day off in a long time so shes thrift store shopping and whatnot. I personally feel like she isnt taking the whole situation seriously. Considering she lives with 3 people out of an 8 person household who are severely immunocompromised, I think that's kinda rude.

My grandma on my stepdad side is staying with us and shes an older lady with multiple health issues. My baby sister has an enlarged ectopic kidney which is just fancy talk for her only having one kidney that never ascended in fetal development. Then there is me. Your trusty Queen Quarantine.

I suffer from agoraphobia which was brought on by my lymphedema and pcos. Lymphedema is swelling in an arm or leg caused by a lymphatic system blockage. A few years ago I took a tumble in the shower and hit my right hip area near my groin on the built in soap dispenser. That severely damaged some lymph nodes in that area and caused me to develop major swelling that's accompanied by discomfort and it is really unsightly. If I get any type of bite or cut.on my lower legs I can get cellulitis and it will turn septic and I can die.

So yeah,I dont think I have left my room in about 2 months now. Before that it was a good 6 months. I live with family and my loving husband and our 2 small dogs.

He got called into his jobs (maintenance man) office yesterday and they sat him down to talk about the steps they are taking to help keep residents and workers safe.

They are asking residents to not make in person visits to the leasing office and to only call in requests. All work orders inside occupied units will be postponed until april. If they actually have to go into the apartments due to an emergency, they are requesting residents to physically move to another room until the work is complete and that they will disinfect the area before they leave.

He is already wearing a N100 respirator I bought for him and latex gloves. The public bus is his normal transportation but because everyone is working from home now he will always have a ride to and from. He changes his shoes before coming inside and goes straight into the shower afterwich he puts his work clothes aside from everything and then hand sanitizes.

Restaurants closed all their in dining rooms and are strictly drive through or delivery only. The grocery store are a mad house. My mom and sisters showed up to Sam's club at 8 and the lines were insane!

They've already began to limit how much items can be taken and their store hours to allow for time to properly restock because within an hour or so of opening the shelves are BARE BONES.

There has been talk of a corona relief check where adults get $1000 each and $500 per child. The first wave of checks may be issued starting april 6th with the second in mid may. I dont know how truthful that is.

Tempers have been running high here and it is only the beginning...

[raisingsupergirl]

Pain, Pain, Go Away

I'm no stranger to suffering. I've lost loved ones. I've waded through mental anguish. I've had 10/10 blinding pain in my neck and low back that left me bed-ridden. And since those physical injuries over two years ago, I've dealt with some level of persistent, chronic pain. On top of that, as a physical therapist, I work with patients enduring all levels of physical and mental suffering on a daily basis, and if I don't force myself to connect and sympathize with what those individuals are going through, I'll suck at my job. So, yes, pain is something I'm acutely (and chronically) aware of, but when my alarm went off yesterday morning, I stretched out to full length without a single twinge of discomfort, and it was glorious. I stretched again. I twisted and turned, shaking away a little tightness and some popping joints, and still no real pain. And it was in that moment that I had a revelation.

First off, let me explain that I'm a Christian. I believe in continued life after our physical bodies fall away, and because of that, I believe that all pain truly is temporary. This has led me to some strange (and sometimes unpopular) opinions. Like pain, everything we know is temporary. At some point, everything will end. We live in a fallen world that has harbored pain since the very beginning. So when my friends get all doom-n-gloom over the latest president or headline, I shrug my shoulders and keep rolling. I interact with the world one handshake at a time. I remember that the "big one" could hit at any time, that this life is just the beginning, and that every good moment that I have is a gift. This perspective has also impacted how I deal with pain. When I run my big toe into a doorway, nociceptors (a certain type of nerve ending) send electrical impulses jumping up to my brain, which in turn sends an explosion of its own electricity throughout my body. Chemicals are released, which further interact with my nervous system, and I'm left with a cascade of reactions, opinions, and choice words. But in the end, it's just another shrug of the shoulders. It's my body letting me know that something unfortunate happened based on an external stimulus. And either I can choose to dwell on it, or I can move on. Which leads me back to my revelation…

As I said before, I've dealt with chronic back pain for a couple of years now. It was there when I woke up, and it was there when I went to bed. It became a part of my life. I once had a patient explain it like this: "It's right here." He held his hand up in front of his face, blocking his view of everything except his palm. "My pain is right here all the time. And it never goes away." It was so simple, but so true. My back pain had painted my reality a different shade, a darker shade. It impeded my higher functions, my optimism, my pursuit of joy. It wasn't debilitating, but it was limiting. And at a certain point, I forgot what it felt like to be pain-free… until the past couple of weeks.

My recovery has been a culmination of things. First, the long, tedious repair of intervertebral discs and the surrounding tissue have nearly run their course (thank the Lord, seriously). Second, I've been working on my posture, spinal range of motion, and core stability since my injuries (it pays to be a PT). Third, the daily workouts I've recently started (shout-out to Morning Meltdown 100, Jericho McMathews, the BeachBody crew, and my wife for peer-pressuring me into this crazy journey) has been the absolute perfect combination of physical challenge and full-body awareness to push me across the finish line. And lastly, I truly believe that these events resulting in this pain-free period of my life have been a part of God's greater plan. Why? Maybe because I'm weak and couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe because I'm going to have to endure something harder soon, and I needed this reminder of what being pain-free felt like. Maybe because I've simply gone through that phase of my life, and now it's time to start the next. But whatever the reason, here (finally) is my revelation:

Pain is inevitable in our life, but it does not define our life.

I think I used to give pain too much power--too much potency. You see, my pain was never really constant. Even at its worst, my neck and back pain gave me brief moments of respite. Even in the darkest grip of depression after my dad died, I experienced glimmers of vivid joy (which really is miraculous when you consider the persistent chemical effects of depression). But they were so short-lived that I never really had time to appreciate them, and every time this or that pain finally faded, it seemed that I would soon become distracted with some new heartache or stress. None of it was enough to really knock me down, but it was enough to be, as my patient explained it, in front of my face. And I almost let it define me. And that's a terrifying thought.

I know people who live with true chronic pain (yes, I'll now admit that my pain was never truly chronic). They say that every waking moment hits them with some form of distracting, physical discomfort. I can't say for certain if this is true, or if the chemical and psychological struggles that accompany chronic pain simply veil their moments of potential respite, but either way, their struggle is real. And of those people, many of them see that pain as a part of who they are. Which sucks on a grand scale.

God created us for one purpose: to love the Lord our God with every part of our being, and to love everyone else as we love ourselves (yes I'm aware that that sounds like two purposes, but God often does funny things with numbers). But if our pain is a part of who we are, does that mean that we're supposed to love God with that pain? If you don't happen to be a Christ follower, let me put it this way: could you possibly use your terminal cancer to better love your family? No, of course not. You could accept the fact that you're going to die. You could find new beauty in the world through realization of your mortality. You could gain appreciation, insight, and perspective, but those are all byproducts. Nothing about that actual cancer allows you to love more deeply. And every pain (physical, psychological, etc.) is the same way. They can be the spark that propels us to appreciate the pain-free times, but not necessarily. If we don't have some other, deeper force driving us to find that appreciation, pain only destroys. And when we allow pain to become a part of us, it destroys from within.

So, my back doesn't hurt right now. I have other concerns and stresses. I have fears that could steal away my appreciation. But that's not going to happen. I'm going to enjoy this time. I'm going to use it to take stock of what I have, of where I've been, and of what glorious adventures lie ahead. God has given us each a beautiful journey. And while we may endure pain on that journey, it's only a fleeting thing, a passing storm. And in the end, the sun--

Well, crap. This just went from profound revelation to cliché greeting card. Oh, well. It had a good run. Hopefully you got the point. And I've got some pain-free frolicking to do. Thanks for reading. Buh-bye, now.

[canaryatlaw]

Okayy, well today was pretty good. I'm not sure if I'm still riding my high from yesterday or it's a combination of upping one of my meds from my psych appointment Monday and being back in the office actually with people. When we were doing limited staff in the office days it very much felt like a chore and was very draining because I was interacting with way fewer people, and I'm such a huge extrovert that would just lead to me feeling very depressed and making it very difficult to get out of bed in the morning on office days, which has always been the most classic depression symptom for me, dating back to high school and me missing way too much school (40 absences and 40 lates for both my junior and senior years, lucked out that I had a 4.0 gpa and could still do just fine missing that much). but the last two days of being in the office with more people have been way better and I've been in a better mood overall, so that's definitely an improvement I'm very happy about. but yeah, woke up at 7 and trucked off to work. I'm not sure if it was because I was going a little earlier than I had been lately, but the train was definitely the most crowded it's been since pre-pandemic (and I'm assuming it will continue to get more crowded, so I will likely continue to say this many more times). Before the pandemic it was BAD bad, like as many people as physically possible shoved into the train car with absolutely no personal space (literally on top of each other) which was obviously already extremely unpleasant, so with the added stress of potential covid transmission, I'm seriously hoping we never get back to that level, but I guess we'll see. It was a relatively calm day at the courthouse, we had some confusion at first because we had two interns who were supposed to be in on the schedule but neither of them actually showed up (for separate reasons), so we just had two volunteers that are here from a law school in another state on their spring break doing a week long project. so we ended up pairing them together on a case despite them only observing one before, but they both did surprisingly well. I've viewed a lot of first attempts at filling things out, and these were definitely on the higher quality end. So that was the only case we were able to do in person, but we had some remotes going as well. I had the law students accompany the client up to court and they ended up in front of one of my favorite judges, who they said was super nice to them and the client and when the client was done was like "oh are you guys students? we love having you here!" which was just super great to hear because I know some judges have given off very bad impressions before, which is very frustrating. She was one of the judges when I first started working here back in 2019, but she was then transferred to a criminal courtroom doing bond court for a while (same building, but we had very limited very limited interaction with her) then they transferred her back earlier this year, so I've been very glad to have her back. Overall our judges are really good right now, so I'm happy about that. I did have a case up in court that was kinda crazy last week but it turns out the lawyer I was dealing with last week who did some pretty dumb shit is not the main attorney on the case, and based on the limited interaction we had in court, this guy seems much more reasonable, so I'm taking that as a good sign and hoping this case doesn't end up being (yet another) shit show. I had my monthly check in with my boss while we were having a bit of a lull in clinic that went well, I'm definitely feeling good overall about my cases at the moment, which is a great feeling. I also really like just chatting with my boss now and swapping court stories haha so that's a great improvement from initially being very hesitant to talk to her outside of like, asking her for help on something, but she's really great so I'm very glad to have her. Stuck around till 5 and then headed out, for some reason the bus was hitting a ton of traffic, so it took me a while longer than normal and I

had made plans with roommate to go to party city to grab some stuff for her classroom and then go to olive garden because I was craving pasta, and party city closed at 7, so she ended up meeting me in her car a little closer on the bus route and we went from there. party city and olive garden were both good, we were joking with our waiter at olive garden a lot and he seemed to find our dumb shit genuinely hilarious, so I gave him a nice tip for putting up with us lol. Went home from there, chilled with roommate for a little before she headed to bed, then just did my thing until I showered and got ready for bed, and now I'm here. Working from home tomorrow but still got court in the morning and feeling quite sleepy, so I'm going to go to bed now. Goodnight friends. Love you all.

[samerystargaryen]

KISS ME BENEATH THE MILKY TWILIGHT || DAM

TAGGING: @acupdaniharper & @samerystargaryen

DATE: Thursday, July 26th.  

PLACE: ACup & Dani’s apartment

NOTES: Making up after BotB, they decide to plan a trip to Florida 

Dani

After talking with Kate, Dani felt a little better. She had stopped crying and felt like things would get sorted out. Neither she or Sam would be so scared if they didn't feel a lot for each other. If they didn't care so much, then there wouldn't be much to lose. So, with that thought in mind, she knew that Sam cared for her probably more than the blonde could say. She also knew that both of them had to put their pasts completely behind them if they wanted to move forward. Their pasts were what made it possible for them to be together, and well, if something beautiful came out of all that pain, then just maybe it would be worth it. The time before their set had been absolutely crazy with last minute practicing and just trying to avoid the insane amount of drama that had happened that week. However, when she took the stage she easily spotted her girlfriend wearing leather and gold, and couldn't help the giant grin that appeared on her face. It was a step forward which meant the world to the singer. So, through her song Kiss Me she made sure to look at her girlfriend as much as possible, and as soon as they finished rocking their set, Dani put down the guitar and ran towards her girl. She threw her arms around Sam's neck and held her as close as she could. "Have I told you that I hate fighting with you?"

Sam

With another Battle of the Bands under way, Sam was determined to make it a good one. She needed one, and while she hadn't talked to Dani before her set, Sammy had a feeling that she wasn't alone. Yesterday had been way more drama and fighting than Sam ever wanted to have to face again if she could help it, and that wasn't even taking into account the last botb that she'd skipped completely. The nights didn't have a good history of going well for her, but after spending a day with Sugar getting ready for the night, Sam was hopeful. Dressed in her best Pamela Lansbury supporting gear, she watched as her girlfriend rocked it out for everyone to see. Anytime Dani was on stage it was impossible to look anywhere else. Her talent was like a magnet that kept Sam's eyes glued to her, and when she saw her girlfriend looking back at her, the tension of the past couple days began to lift off of her shoulders. As Sam watched, they weren't all their issues and past mistakes, but were just them. The smile on her face couldn't have been bigger as Dani jumped down off the stage and ran her way. She wasted no time in wrapping her arms tightly around her like she'd wished she could have done all day yesterday. "Me too, baby," she said with her face buried in Dani's neck as she didn't want to let her go. "You were amazing up there, and I'm so sorry for everything."

Dani

Dani pulled back just enough to kiss Sam and relished in the feeling. Confrontation wasn't something that the singer enjoyed. She hated all the negative feelings that went into it, and just thought that there were better ways to use energy. When she pulled back from the kiss, she leaned her forehead against the blonde's and sighed. "I'm sorry too. X makes me jealous so that didn't help stuff last night, but she's your friend and that's fine. You're not the only one with trust issues, Sam. My family turned their back on me before I even added girl problems to things, so I get it. I just want to start over with you." Dani rarely mentioned her family and the effect that they had on her as a person. She acted like she didn't give a damn very well, but it was all carefully hidden. Truthfully, Dani cared too much about most people. "I can't believe you're in PL attire. Are you in a lot of trouble with your friends? I don't want you getting anymore shit."

Sam

Sam's smile only faded long enough to enjoy the kiss that Dani placed on her lips. After the stressful fight that they'd had, it felt like the best kiss of her life. After being alone with only Netflix to try and occupy her mind the night before, she'd all but convinced herself that she'd never get another. She was happy to find out that she was wrong. "You have nothing to be jealous about," Sam admitted even as she knew that her words were capable of fully erasing any nagging jealousy that Dani could be feeling. "And your family is missing out on knowing an amazing person." Sam brought her hand up to brush lightly against Dani's cheek and through to her hair at the back of her neck. "They're the ones that messed that up." While family problems like the kind that Dani faced weren't something that Sam fully understood since she was blessed with a loving and supportive one herself, she wanted to be there. She wanted to prove that she wouldn't ever turn her back on Dani like her family had chosen to. "And if I ever meet them, I'm going to tell them that." Sam shook her head at the mention of her friends. "Don't worry about any of that. It's about time we worried about ourselves and let everyone else deal with their own stuff for a while." Sam slid her hand down from Dani's neck down her back and eventually found her hand to hold. "Besides, Sugar helped me get ready, so she gets it. I think romantic gestures trump band betrayals for her." Sam deliberately left mentioning Blair and her feelings out of the equation. She didn't want another night ruined by her. "I think I'll keep these colors around for a while if that's okay with you."

Dani

"I know I don't," she said confidently as she looked into Sam's eyes. "I don't like someone flirting with you, but that's neither here nor there. I trust you not to do anything or put yourself in a situation that could lead to trouble for us with anyone. That's all that matters," she said with a shrug. Dani couldn't control the actions of others just like Sam couldn't. All they could control was how they behaved and the respect they had for their relationship. "If you ever meet my family, I don't know if you'll get a word in. They haven't heard from me in over ten years. I'm sure there is a lot of yelling they have to catch up on," she said with a roll of her eyes. While she didn't let herself ever dwell on it too much, she missed her family. She was a total daddy's girl, and not speaking to her dad killed her. Then she remembered the disappointment in his voice and eyes when he found out she was a lesbian, and she shoved those feelings away. She couldn't hear that again. It was easier to not hear anything at all. "I couldn't agree more," she said with a nod of her had. "This is a big romantic gesture. I don't even know what to say," she said with a smile and small shake of her head. "Of course it's okay with me. As if I'll be letting you go anytime soon. You're mine, Samantha Evans. You better get used to it."

Sam

Sam shook her head with an amused smile on her face. She didn't know where Dani's worries were coming from with X, and Sam had never noticed them being flirty, but she didn't want to start any argument over something that didn't matter in the long run. What mattered was that Dani was there and they were okay. "You wouldn't be alone this time. I'd be there with you." Sam squeezed Dani's hand in hers to echo the fact that she was there with her for whatever came their way. "You're strong and successful and amazing..." She limited herself on compliments or she knew she could easily get distracted from her point. Complimenting Dani was easy, and her girlfriend deserved to hear them as often as possible, but Sam knew how likely it was to forget what she was trying to say in the first place. "And they're the ones that messed it up. Look at what they're missing out on. You had the whole crowd eating out of your hand." Sam bounced lightly on her toes as she couldn't contain how happy she was that things were looking up for them. "I am happy to be yours. I'm not going anywhere."

Dani

Hearing Sam's words made Dani's world light up. There was something different happening with Sam. She seemed lighter and more open to the singer, and well, that was an amazing start for the two of them. She noticed how hard she was trying, and nothing meant more to her. "You told me to tell you something again today that I said last night," she said as she lightly brushed her nose against the blonde's. She made sure her eyes were locked with those in front of her before saying, "I'm falling for you, Sam." Dani didn't know what else to add to that, but she didn't have to add anything. Those words said it all, and honestly, that was scary enough for the singer. She didn't have the greatest track record when it came to sharing her feelings. Usually, she wound up hurt. "And I'm not going anywhere either. I pick you, Sam. If I could be with any girl in the world, I'd still want to be right here with you."

Sam

Sam nodded her head as she knew what was coming. She'd been thinking about what to say and do and how to reassure Dani that she wasn't alone for a good chunk of the day. She was a step away from practicing things in the mirror like she'd seen on so many TV shows. But when Dani told her again and the vulnerability shown through, all her practice speeches went out the window. This was Dani, and she'd proven again that she wasn't there just for the good stuff. She was ready to be there for all of it. In that moment, Sam didn't hesitate. "I'm falling for you too," she said honestly. "Do you want to get out of here?" For the first time since Sam had seen Dani standing up on the stage, she glance around at the crowd that was hanging around and enjoying themselves. After the day before, it seemed like a minor miracle that so many of them were together without any yelling, but Sam was ready to let them all get on with their night without her. Turning back to Dani, she bit her lower lip and raised her eyebrow to silently repeat her question.

Dani

When Sam reciprocated her feelings, Dani waited a beat to look into her eyes to see what she could read in them.   What she saw in them was complete honesty and a happiness that she hadn't fully seen in awhile. With that, she couldn't help but smile and place another tender kiss on the blonde's lips. At the question, Dani smiled and nodded her head. She was more than ready to leave and just spend the night in with Sam. They were definitely in need of some alone time together. "I'm so ready. Can you just give me a minute? Rachel is going out of town tonight to go surprise Quinn in GA, and I have to go put her drum set away. It won't take me more than like three minutes." Dani hoped Sam realized that with Rachel gone they would have her place all to themselves which meant that her girlfriend wasn't going anywhere until Monday.

Sam

Sam nodded with another small excited bounce on her toes. "Yeah, no problem." She leaned in to give Dani another quick kiss before letting go of her hands so she could go and take care of band business. After the past twenty-four hours, a few minutes couldn't hurt. "I should uh, probably go find Blair anyway." Her smile was a little more forced when mentioning her ex-best friend, but Sam was determined not to let anything bring her mood back down again. Blair was doing what she needed to do to be okay, and Sam was confident that she could do the same. "Then it's just you and me, and an empty apartment?" she added when she finally put together the pieces of what Rachel leaving to surprise Quinn would mean. They went from having no apartments to themselves most days, to suddenly have two.

Dani

“Then it’s just you, me, and take out tonight.” After sharing another kiss that only served to stroke the fire slowly building within Dani, the singer went to take care of some things. It didn’t take her too long to pack up her guitar and Rachel’s drums before she looked for Sam among the sea of people. She easily spotted the bombshell blonde talking with Blair and decided to wait by the door for her to finish. She had already tackled Blair earlier with love and promises to keep in touch, so she didn’t need to step into that moment.

Sam

Sam finished saying goodbye to Blair, and it felt a lot more final than she'd expected for it to. She'd finally realized no matter what mistakes she'd made or pain she'd caused, she didn't deserve, and couldn't let herself, accept how she was being treated. For months she'd tried and failed at repairing her relationship with Blair, and while she would always love her, Sam was ready to let her walk away if it was what she needed. She wouldn't push, interfere, or try to put back together the pieces that would never fit quite the same. Perhaps it was fitting that Blair had chosen that moment to take a job that would take her away from New York, because it was also the moment that Sam let her go. Shoving her hand into the pockets of her leather jacket that she was wearing more for aesthetic than any real need, Sam scanned ACup until she spotted Dani waiting for her. "Hey you," she said with a smile. "I think you said something about eating out?" she teased and pushed open the door so that they could both leave to enjoy their night.

Dani

"Hey back, sexy," she said with a wink and then couldn't help but laugh at Sam's joke. It was so dorky but so like her girlfriend that she loved it. While that humor might not work for some, Dani found it completely and utterly endearing. She walked through the door that Sam held open once she had her guitar case securely on her shoulder. "Oh we will definitely be doing that, but in regards to actual food I figured we could order in. I think we need some serious us time. Maybe even a mini vacation away sooner or later. I don't think we've been able to focus on us as much as we should," she said as she interlaced her fingers with Sam's.

Sam

Sam didn't know the word to describe the skip that her heart did every time she caused Dani to smile. It was something she hoped she would be doing a lot more of in the future. "I guess we do need to keep our energy up." Sam welcomed Dani's hand in hers, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Need me to carry your guitar? I don't mind." Need might not have been the best word considering how Dani had been taking care of her guitar and all things music for long before Sam came along, but that didn't stop Sam from wanting to lend a helping hand. "Everyone seems to be really taking the vacation part of summer vacation serious lately. Where would we go if we went somewhere? Just you and me and...." Sam let her voice trail off as she thought of a place to fill in the blank with. "a nice beach," she finally supplied. "You could show me Florida."

Dani

“If sounds like you have some plans for us, Sam.” Dani honestly wasn’t going to object at all. It felt amazing to be in a relationship with someone who could keep up with her sexually. Her girlfriend was amazing in bed, and Dani would brag about it as much as she could. The offer was one that the singer would usually refuse, but she knew it would mean a lot to Sam to be able to do for her. So, Dani shrugged the case off her shoulder and handed it over. “Thanks baby,” she said honestly. Working the night before had made her much more tired that she had expected. The mention of Florida almost made Dani freeze, but she caught it before it did. It was the first time anyone had offered to go with her, and the idea warmed her heart more than she thought it would. “Do you have enough saved up for a plane ride? I don’t know about going back to Miami, but I know some amazing places we could go. We could rent and air bnb or something.”

Sam

Sam gladly took Dani's guitar when she handed it over, and carefully slid it onto her shoulder to carry it. It wasn't much, but it still made her feel good to be able to help. Besides, it got Dani to call her baby again which was never a bad thing. "I could probably swing it. I don't think I'll be jet setting out there first class, but I have a little money saved up." Sam neglected to mention that it was mostly set aside so that she could go visit her parents for Christmas, but there was still a ton of time to have to deal with that. If she cut back on things, she'd have it built back up before she needed it. "Yeah? You want to go?" Sam decided not to push Dani about going back to see her family. No matter how much she knew that family was important and couldn't fully be forgotten, she knew it was Dani's choice in the end. That didn't mean she wouldn't bring it up again, but she was more excited at the idea of the trip than the specifics of it. "I'd love to do that. You probably can't tell by this pasty exterior, but I love the beach."

Dani

Deciding that she was not up for walking all the way back to her place, Dani walked to the edge of the sidewalk and raised her hand to hail a cab. Somehow it didn't take her forever and one pulled over within a few moments. She slide into the back seat and quickly gave the man her address. Her feet were so very happy the moment she was sitting down. "I won't be going first class either, so don't worry," she said with a laugh. "But yeah, I'd love to go. We'll pool our money together. I honestly don't spend on a lot, so I can do this. Plus, I think it would be good for us." Dani didn't spend money irrationally. She remembered how hard it was when she first got to the city with nothing, and ever since then she had made sure to build a savings. "I love that pasty exterior, thank you very much, but I'm excited. When do you want to go?"

Sam

Sam followed Dani into the cab without asking questions. She'd learned a long time ago that not everyone shared her ability to walk all over the city all the time, especially not after a day of work. "So we're really doing it?" she asked as she situated Dani's guitar beside her and tried to mentally think about her schedule. "As long as it's before the semester starts back up in September, and I don't miss a game, I'm all yours," she decided and looked over at Dani for conformation. "I can probably get out of practice if we really need for me to. I can talk to Fi about it. The real question is, when are you wanting to go?" Between the two of them, Sam had much more free time on her hands, at least until she was back to teaching fulltime. "I can't believe we're really going. I haven't been on an actual vacation in forever. I mean, not a real one anyway."

Dani

Dani thought about her schedule and knew that she would be able to make it work. Her bosses loved her, and it’s better she takes off during summer before the rush of the holidays started. “How about three weeks? That will be a good little break right before you start back at school. When is your practice? I have practice on Mondays.” She would have said two weeks? but there was no way she’d ever ditch on BOTB. Plus, three weeks would give her enough time to talk to her bosses and whatnot. “Are you ready for a vacation together babe? That’s a pretty big stage if I remember relationships well,” she teased.

Sam

Imagining what she would be doing in three weeks wasn't easy for Sam. If at all possible, she let things fall into place as they were. Luckily for them both, the summer months usually meant a lot more time to do what she wanted. It was for that reason that she found herself nodding without any hesitation. "Three weeks," she repeated with a smile on her face. "We practice on Wednesdays and then the game is on Sunday. I usually hit the gym with Spence and Fi somewhere in there, but they can still get their workout in without me." Sam reached over and took Dani's hand in hers when she asked if Sam was ready for it. She saw nothing but the positives and imagined the amazing time they'd have together. "I was born ready," she teased back. "There's no way that I would say no to us together on a beach. It sounds perfect."

Dani

The taxi cab pulled up in front of her building, and Dani happily thanked him before handing over the cash for their trip. Once the car door was open, she slid out and held the door open for her girlfriend. As soon as Sam was out of the cab, Dani reached for her hand and led them inside the building and to the elevator. “We could fly out Wednesday right after your practice and then fly back Saturday night. That would give us two days, but that way you don’t have to miss practice.” The elevator dinged to announce that they were at her floor. Within moments Dani had unlocked the door to her apartment and led them inside. The space was there for four days which was very rare. “I’m ready too. Just thinking of you in a bikini is enough for me to be on board if we’re being honest.”

Sam

Sam sat Dani's guitar down against the wall where she'd seen it hang out countless times when she'd been over. She wasn't sure if it was more Rachel or Dani that kept their apartment looking clean and well organized, but Sam didn't want to be the one to mess that up. "I like the sound of that. You and me and days where a bikini is the most clothes we have to wear." With her hands guitar free now, Sam walked over to her girlfriend, and slid her arms comfortably around her waist to hold her close. "This might just be the best idea that we've ever had."

Dani

“What do you feel about Key West? It’s a bit of a drive, but if we drive into Miami and rent a car, it’s honestly not that bad. I’ve made the drive so many times.” Back home she would make the drive during the summers just to sit in the beach away from everyone and write music. Her parents would flip a shit, but she didn’t care. When she felt Sam wrap her arms around her, she smiled and leaned into the embrace. She placed her hands on top of Sam’s wrapped around her. “I think so too. Are you hungry? Do you want to change into comfier clothes?”

Sam

"I want you to show me all your favorite spots in Florida." Given that Sam's knowledge of the stare was severely limited, she was glad that Dani knew enough for the both of them. She'd grown up there after all, and even though she'd told Sam that she hadn't been back since, it couldn't have changed too much in that time. "Key West, Miami, everywhere." Sam rested her chin on the top of Dani's shoulder. They still had weeks to go before they went anywhere, but Sammy was already excited for it. "I probably should have brought some, but I didn't know I was going to end up here. I mean, I hoped but," Sam shrugged to fill in the blank. Dani didn't need to be reminded of their fight since she was right there with her the whole time. "I'm glad I'm here with you. That's the important part."

Dani

“Babe, if you want me to show you all that, we need more than two days,” she said with a giggle. She’d be more than happy to show her what she could about Florida, but she’d need at least five days to do that. She didn’t mind spending extra time because the two of them splitting things would make it pretty cost effective, but she didn’t know if Sam wanted to miss practice. Dani knew how important soccer was to the blonde. When Sam rested her chin on the singer’s shoulder, Dani turned her head to place a kiss on the woman’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it. You can borrow my stuff whenever. Plus, I prefer you with less clothing anyway.”

Sam

"We'll have plenty of time," she said confidently with absolutely zero facts to back it up. "And we won't have anyone getting in our way or slowing us down." Sam smiled as she felt Dani's lips press a soft kiss to her cheek. The truth was, she would still be happy even if they never got beyond the beach and the room they'd be staying it. The thrill of leaving NYC for a while and getting away together would still be there. "Trying to get me naked, huh? I think I can get on board with that plan." Sam played with the end of Dani's shirt, grazing her fingers lightly over the exposed skin of her stomach. "As long as I'm not the only one."

Dani

“Mmm I’ll show you what I can, and if we can’t see everything then we’ll just have to go back,” she said with a shrug. While there were some nerves there with the idea of going back home, honestly Dani missed it so much. She was happier than she thought she would be with Sam suggesting it. “I’m always trying to get you naked, babe. Honestly, your body should never be covered by clothes when we’re alone.” Dani never hid how insanely attracted she was to the blonde. There was no point in being shy about it in her opinion, but then again, she was rarely shy about anything. “Sam, you know you can remove my clothes whenever you want. You have permanent access.” The singer turned around in Sam’s arms slowly and rested her hands on the woman’s collarbones. “Before we get lost in all the skin though, do you want me to order food? We have all the time to spend making each other moan as loud as we can.”

Sam

Comparing where they stood planning vacations together and talking about other ones they could take farther in the future, it was a far cry from where they'd been a few hours ago. It proved to Sam that when they were upset, seeing each other in person to talk it out was a whole lot better than trying to text it. "Even when I worse these especially for you?" she teased with a smile on her face. The Warblettes red and blue was easier far Sam to find in her closet based on her normal fashion choices, but there was something about the black and gold that made her feel good. Most of that had to do with the smile it put on Dani's face, but she couldn't completely count on the badass vide she felt either. "How come we never dance together?" Sam asked when Dani turned around in her arms. She slowly swayed them side to side like they were a couple of teenagers slow dancing at prom. "We should more often. I have no rhythm, but it's still fun." Swaying to music that was only in her head, she thought about Dani's question and quickly decided it was a good idea. "Yeah, let's order, so I can keep up with these big plans you've got."

Dani

“You do look incredibly hot tonight, and I can’t tell you how much this means to me,” she said as she grabbed the front of Sam’s leather jacket with one hand to show what she was talking about. Dani knew it was silly logically to care about something like who Sam rooted for when it came to a silly coffee shop competition, but she did. It warmed her heart to see Sam out there repping her band. “I think we pulled off the win tonight because of you. Maybe you’re our good luck charm.” When Sam started swaying to the beat that only existed in her head, Dani couldn’t help but smile at the cuteness of it and follow along. It was easy enough to do since swaying was fairly simple. “Do you want to go out dancing sometime? I love dancing, and we could have a lot of fun.” It hit Dani then how little the two of them had done as a couple. They definitely needed to separate from the drama for awhile. “What are you craving? I know you didn’t eat much of anything yesterday with us fighting. You get all antsy.”

Sam

"I might have had a little, or a lot, of fashion help," Sam admitted. She would be forever thankful for Sugar giving her the much needed assist. Not only did she have her rocking the different colors, but she had her looking good while doing it. While Sammy knew that it was more about her being there in support of Pamela Lansbury and Dani herself, she was thankful she wasn't forced to go by what was in her closet alone. Work out clothes somehow didn't feel appropriate for battle of the bands. "We'll see if I'm still your good luck charm in a couple weeks. Maybe you guys will go back to back." Not wanting to venture into the fact that Blair was leaving, and thus the Warblettes wouldn't be at full strength, Sam welcomed the natural flow in conversation away from it. "I'd kill for a chicken wrap." The fact that Dani knew her as well as she did wasn't lost on her. Even when they didn't spend the day together, her girlfriend knew how'd she'd been, because she knew her. It was the same reason that Sam knew that Dani had probably spent more time than she liked to think about crying. "Or a quinoa bowl." Sam took Dani's hand and lifted it above her head so that she could twirl her around before pulling her back into her body again. "I'd love to take you dancing sometime. I can show off to everyone how beautiful my girlfriend is."

Dani

Dani giggled imagining how long it would have taken Sam to put that outfit together on her own. While she was crazy about her girlfriend, she knew that simple was best when it came to her wardrobe. The singer never minded though because Sam always looked good. “Well, tell whoever helped you that I say thank you.” Dani hummed in agreement to the idea of going back to back with wins.The Warblettes  were taking a blow losing Blair. No matter how much drama surrounded the situation, no one could deny that the youngest Anderson could sing. “I’m sure we could find that somewhere on Uber eats. It’s New York City after all. Something is always open.” Dani could go for a chicken wrap herself. She happily twirled herself around and then easily found her spot back against her girlfriend’s body. “You’re a closest romantic, aren’t you? Some of the things you say to me are just so sweet. But yeah! Let’s go! We can hit up a club when I get off of work at the bar this weekend.”

Sam

"Perfect," she agreed with a smile. Even if they weren't able to get the perfect meal delivered and were stuck raiding the fridge for any scrap of food, Sam would still consider the night to be a perfect one. She always felt that way when she was with Dani, and she was hoping they could keep things happy without the arguing in between. Sam was more than ready to do her part to help. No more jealousy or holding back out of fear of getting hurt. She was in. "I'm an out and proud romantic. No closets needed." Sam let her hands dip down below Dani's waist for a moment before reluctantly removing them. They were supposed to be ordering foor, and Sam knew that was less likely if she didn't keep her hands to herself for a least a couple minutes. "That sounds perfect. Are you sure your feet won't be too tired after that working? You'll have to try and keep up with me on the dance floor."

Dani

When Sam moved her arms from around her, Dani poured playfully before winking and grabbing her phone out of her back pocket. She took her own jacket off and let it hang on the back of the couch before scrolling through the available options. “Hey, there’s a little deli that’s open late. They have a chicken wrap with a garlic cilantro aioli or a quinoa bowl with salmon and a lemon dill sauce,” she read easily remembering the two things Sam said she was craving. “I’m looking forward to seeing that romantic side of yours more by the way. I’m definitely a girl who likes all the sappy.” Dani smiled at Sam for being worried about her feet. While both of her jobs required her to stand for long hours, she was young and sure she could tough it out for a night. “If you promise to give me a foot massage after, I think I’ll be good.”

Sam

Sam's stomach growled as Dani read off a couple menu choices for her. They were perfect, and the only drawback was they wouldn't arrive instantly. There was something about talking about food that always seemed to bring her hunger to the surface. "That's perfect, babe." Following Dani's lead and making herself more comfortable, Sam pulled off her (or rather Sugar's) jacket and laid it across the arm of couch. "You're lucky that I like you, because I don't like feet much." Taking a seat on the couch, Sam reached out for Dani's hand to pull her down onto the cushion beside her. "But for a night of dancing, I'll give you the best foot massage you've ever had," she said confidently and hopeful that Dani hadn't gotten many in her life for her to compete with.

Dani

With a nod, Dani ordered one of each and then a side of hummus with some whole wheat pita bread. She figured they would just end up sharing a bit of everything anyway. Whenever they had gone out to eat, they always thought what the other one got looked better and wound up stealing bites of food. It was cute and made for a pretty fun meal. “It says the food will be here in about twenty five or thirty minutes,” she informed the blonde as she sat down next to her on the couch. “I am lucky that you like me, but for more reasons than you taking one for the team and giving me a foot massage.” Dani quickly made herself comfortable by curling into Sam’s side with a sigh. “You know, you’re the first girlfriend I’ve gone back to Florida with. I think if anyone else suggested it, I would have avoided it completely.”

Sam

"I think I'll remind you at least once or twice just how great you think I am during that foot massage." Sam stretched her arm around Dani, giving her plenty of room to curl up by her side. "I'm really glad that you trust me with it." Family could be a tricky thing, but Dani's family especially. The fact that they could toss aside someone as amazing as she was made no sense at all to Sam. She was lucky to have never faced anything like that in her own life. "And that you're open to going." Sam leaned her cheek against the top of Dani's head to enjoy the closeness. It was a welcomed feeling after their fight, but also Sammy wanted to offer all the support possible as Dani opened up about tougher topics. She would do anything ot make sure Dani knew she wasn't alone. "Do you think you'll want to see anyone? You know, anyone from before?"

Dani

“Just the fact that you’re willing to give me one is amazing,” she said sincerely. “If it helps, I have very nice and clean feet.” Dani was a girl that liked to get her pedicures and manicures. Those were two of the things that she was most definitely girly about. “I trust you more than you know. Things have been a little crazy so you may not have seen that, but I’m done with the crazy. It’s us against the world, and you’re my girl. From now on, we move forward. I’m really done looking in the rear view.” Dani had her arm draped over Sam’s middle and let her eyes close for a moment. She wasn’t tired by any means, but was just enjoying the moment and closeness. “I want you to know me, and that means knowing where I come from. Plus, I miss it.” The second question was a much harder one to answer. A part of her wanted to, but another part of her was scared of it. She’d run away when she was eighteen. Now, she didn’t know how to even begin going back. “I don’t know. I miss my family, and I’m sure they’re worried sick about me, but Sammy, going back would be a lot. Plus, don’t you think it’s a little soon for you to meet family?” The last part was said with a teasing question to lighten the mood and try to make the topic a little easier.

Sam

Sam smiled at Dani's teasing question. It was pretty obvious that she was deflecting some of the tension and stress she was feeling at the possibility of getting in touch with her family again. The decision was big, and there was no guarantees that it would go the way she was hoping. Knowing all of that, Sammy still believed it was worth the risk.  Dani had too big of a heart to go without trying to reach out again. Of course it was easy for her to decide that, she wasn't the one who would be taking all of the risks. "Three weeks from now is the perfect meet the parents time," she teased back as she slowly ran her fingers through the ends of her girlfriend's hair. "But if that would add stress to it, I could wait in the car. Crack a window for me, I'd be fine." She kissed the top of Dani's head again, hoping to convey her support. "None of it is about it, baby. I'd be there for you. Anything you needed me to do, that's what I'd do. The important thing would be you and your family."

Dani

“You’re the goofiest of goofballs,” she said with a giggle. “But I’m crazy about you. Thank you for willing to do that with me. I don’t know many people who would walk into a potential war with a Mexican family with a girl they didn’t plan on marrying.” The kiss to her head made her smile and tilt her head up to kiss Sam’s lips. “I’d want you there if I decide to do this. You’re important to me, and you make me feel stronger. Can I think about it for a little bit? I promise I’ll talk to you about it. It’s just a lot to process.”

Sam

"Take all the time you need. You can wait until we're all the way in Miami and at your parents front door, and you could still change your mind if you want to. I want you to do this because you want it, and for nothing else." Sam had no idea what she would be walking in to if Dani did decide to go through with it, but she had no desire to take it back. No matter how bad things got, Sammy knew she'd want to be there for her. "This way I'll know if I should marry into this family or not," she teased with a big smile on her face. All the questions from meme monday had them speaking about marriage way more than she ever expected to be at this stage in their relationship, but thankfully they'd been able to joke around without taking this extra seriously. Just knowing that there was the possibility that it could happen far into the future was more than enough for her.

Dani

When Dani was about to respond, she heard the knock at her door. She quickly hopped up and walked over to grab their food and sign for it. After giving the young guy a nice tip, she locked up again before setting the bag onto the kitchen table. “Thank you, baby. You’re seriously the best girlfriend in the world.” Dani moved around the kitchen grabbing them napkins and drinks to have with their food. “Oh man, if that’s what will get me a ring on my finger, then I’m screwed,” she joked back. “My family is nuts. Tell me about yours? I don’t know as much as I’d like to.”

Sam

"My family is great," Sam said without thinking that it could sound like bragging. Her family had always been a big support system for her, and the same was true even with most of them not living in the same place. Having Stacey around for support was something Sammy often took for granted, and it wasn't until hearing that not everyone had a relationship like that, that she began to realize it. "I mean, you know Stace already." Sam got up from the couch and followed Dani into the kitchen. "Then I've got a little brother, he's Stacey's twin, and there's my parents. You'd love them if you met them. They never gave me any trouble for the whole being gay thing. I guess I'm really lucky."

Dani

Dani couldn’t help but smile brightly when she heard Sam talk about her family. She wasn’t someone to get bitter or whatever about it. Getting upset would be silly to her because she honestly would never wish what she had to go through on anyone. Dani also knew that other people had it worse, so she wasn’t too doom and gloom about it. “They all sound so amazing,” she said honestly after she was done getting their food ready. “I’m really happy you’re so close to them, baby. Do you want to eat at the breakfast counter or table?” The sight of the food made Dani realize just how hungry she was herself, and she was very happy that Sam’s mind usually went to healthy. She most likely would not have found the Deli if it didn’t.

Sam

"Let's go table," she decided without much thought. The more time she spent with Dani at her and Rachel's apartment, the more comfortable she got there. Finding things in the kitchen to help out was starting to feel like second nature to her. All the mornings watching Dani do her thing to whip them up breakfast had really paid off for her. "It'll be easier to play footsie with you," she teased as she pulled out a chair and took a seat once they'd gathered up most of the things they needed. "I've been trying to get my parents to fly out and visit, but so far they haven't done it. I'm still working on it though. If it ever works, you'll see how great they are."

Dani

Dani nodded her head at the suggestion, and easily worked with Sam to move all the food and their waters over. Once that was done, and took the seat closest to her girlfriend. It was moments like that when the singer saw snippets of what it would be like to live with the blonde down the road. So far, she had liked what she’d seen, so things were looking good. “I love your game of footsie,” she said honestly. Sam was so cute about the silliest things that it warmed her heart. “Even though I’d be a nervous wreck, I’d meet them if you wanted me to. I honestly haven’t done the meet the parents thing with any girlfriend I’ve had.”

Sam

"Never?" The surprised was clear in her tone, but as she thought about it, she realized she hadn't done the official meet the parents thing either. "I mean, me either really. I think all those marriage questions and us going to Miami has got me thinking all kinds of in the future." Sammy unwrapped her chicken wrap and took a bite as she rubbed her foot against Dani's calf like she'd said she'd do. "We can focus on right here and right now instead, because I like where we are right now."

Dani

Dani shook her head to confirm Sam’s question. “Never ever. Honestly, I’ve never wanted to? When I was younger I was way more of a free spirit. I didn’t like being tied down and just kind of focused on my music. I guess I was like the typical musician,” she said with a bit of a laugh. It was such a stereotype but unfortunately true. The idea of looking into the future and planning didn’t scare her with Sam which was odd. “You can think into the future with me. Planning the future with you doesn’t terrify me. I’m actually happy when we talk about it. I hope stuff happens instead of freaking out,” she finally verbalized after taking s few bites of her bowl. “I love where we are right now. I mean, I think we’ll only get stronger after everything.”

Sam

"So it's a good thing that I met old-age Dani?" Sam teased with a smile on her face. It was clear from listening to Dani talk about her past that she'd come a long way from the time she was in Miami. She was forced to grow up on her own and fast. What wasn't clear however, was how Dani had a way of making herself sound older than she was. Maybe that was what people meant by saying someone had an old spirit. Sammy made a mental note to ask Sugar about it. "I think we can focus on planning for Florida first. I'm ready for the best vacation ever."

Dani

Dani arched a playful eyebrow at her girlfriend. "Just because I'm older than you doesn't mean you can call me old, babe," she teased. She knew that Sam never had a problem with her age, but she couldn't help but poke fun when she had the chance. "As for your question, yeah you are. I'm also getting used to being with someone as monogamous as you, honestly. People I've dated in the past never really got jealous because they were doing things they probably shouldn't while in a relationship as well. So, I'm learning. I'm sorry by the way. I thought it was good to be open, but there are some things you don't want to hear about or be reminded of, and I'll be better at that." Dani was a prideful person, so for her to admit she did something wrong was rare. It took two people to fight though, and she definitely had her share of the argument that she had to own up to. "Well, do you want to buy our tickets this week? We'll fly into Miami, and then well, we'll figure it out from there. Key West will totally be a thing though even if it's just a one day trip there."

Sam

Sam laughed as Dani easily teased her back. A couple years wasn't much of a difference, but when Dani started mentioning when she was younger, Sammy liked to take the chance to remind her that she was the older of the two. "I'm kind of getting used to the whole jealousy thing too. I've never had a girlfriend that was so affectionate with her friends before." Sam wiped her hands off on her napkin before reaching over to put her hand on Dani's offering a soft and reassuring squeeze. "We're both getting used to thing, and I hate fighting with you, but I'll never stop fighting for you." She could only hope that she wouldn't have to, and that Dani's friends were just that, friends. Reminding herself again and again that it was just Dani's way to be affectionate and nothing else, would take some getting used to, but she was determined to be okay with it. "Yeah, let's do it. I'll check and make sure I have enough money, but let's make it happen."

[ladycollegeguide-blog]

Expecting the Unexpected

Change in life is both unpredictable and inevitable. Although we cannot stop change from occurring, we can plan for some unexpected events in college. On this week’s blog, we’ll be discussing some closing tips while you prep for your new and refreshing university move. We’ll be touching base on homesickness, dorm room preparation, roommate cohabitation, packing and gearing up for your shot at a new and improved life! There is a lot to touch base on, so let’s dive in gals.

Firstly, let’s discuss homesickness. This too, is inevitable. You’ll miss the relationships you’ve worked so hard to grow and cherish. From that, I strongly advise you hold onto these relationships. College is a phenomenal time to expand your horizons, to meet new people and to build more relationships. This should not discredit the relationships you have built in the past. It just allows you more room to grow with other like-minded individuals. As we’re in the midst of June, you should plan to spend a significant amount of time with those in your hometown. Your parents that are overbearing and pesty- you’ll miss them after week one in the dorms. Your siblings that you fight with so very much, you’ll grow to miss their bothersome characteristics. Therefore, take the time to cherish the rest of this summer with those family members and friends. Before you know it, you’re on limited time and you’ll never get those missed opportunities back.

To help minimize missing these people so deeply, I recommend making tons of plans. Invite your family members to come visit and allow time for other visitors as well. Make sure to schedule time home for the holidays! If you’ve gotten tired of family craziness during the holidays, you’ll learn to love these holidays even more once you start college. The holidays allow you to spend time with everyone you’ve missed dearly and that is convenience at its finest! Also, if you can preplan and start your holiday breaks a few days early- do it. Work with your professors and push yourself to work harder in school. Everyone enjoys a little extra vacation time, so work hard to fit in extended time back home! Don’t be upset if you have a tough semester and you just can’t swing an extended stay. Your family will understand that you’re doing your best with what you have going on.

Additionally, I’m sure you’ve got some pictures printed off to decorate your room with. Start hanging these sooner than later! The quicker you can hang those good memories up around your room, the more comfortable you’ll be during your moving transition. This is going to be a huge and drastic change in your life, so make it as comfortable and positive as possible as quickly as you can. This will definitely help you adapt to a new setting as well, because establishing a secure home-base provides you with a comfort blanket to fall back on during the tough times you may endure away from everyone.

Now, I want to reassure you on this move. You may be starting over in a new city with new people, but this is going to be such a phenomenal experience for you!! That sounds cliché, but by the time year two of college hits, you’ll understand just how much the world is at your fingertips. The new people you will meet will help you develop into an extraordinarily powerful and able person. Do not fear this change with new people, rather embrace it and cherish the knowledge offered to you. This applies to you on both an educational level and a networking/relationship building level. You have a remarkable journey in front of you! Aim high and conquer all because you CAN!

Secondly, I realize it is only June. But also, holy cow, it’s already June. You’ll be moving in the blink of an eye, so the preparation and organization should start pretty quick here. I would strongly advise you begin researching dorm-room ideas on Pinterest, like yesterday. It’ll give you a strong push to get the ball rolling on how you want to make your room as homey as possible. When I started planning my move I couldn’t get out of magazines. Of course, that feels a little old school now, but hey, to each their own. Adding Christmas lights is a perfect way to perfect your dorm room vibe. The lights are calming and less obnoxious that the dorm lighting. They also set the mood for reading, wine nights, or Netflix binging with the girls. Perfect for any setting, Christmas lights 24/7 are ALWAYS the way to go! You simply just can’t go wrong here.

It also doesn’t hurt to stock up on a couple boxes of these lights because unfortunately these suckers have a tendency to burn out easily. Quick side note related to other things “burning”, POPCORN. Popcorn is the most cherished prize during your college years. It’s the perfect snack, meal, and wine companion known to man. You can never have enough popcorn, so, make sure to always stock up. Oh, and keep an eye on the bag when you’re microwaving it. When someone burns a bag of popcorn, the whole dorm floor suffers from the stench. Don’t be “that guy.” Sorry ladies, don’t be “that girl.”

 Alright. After that quick tip, we’ll head back onto more relevant and general topics. LISTS. Lists are the best tool for success when packing up for your move. You need to jot down all personal care items, the variety of clothing items you’ll need and so much more. Here’s a quick list of items you may have not thought of, but will certainly come in handy once you transition into dorm room living. 

·         First aid kit

·         Bottle opener

·         Screwdriver

·         Duct tape

·         Power strip

·         Microwave

·         Slippers and sandals (especially shower shoes)

·         Eating utensils

·         Shower Caddy

·         Music speaker

·         Headphones

·         Additional shelving

·         Swimsuits

·         A nice, presentable suit for Business Professional events

This list is not exhaustible, merely included to generate ideas of your own personal necessities that you may have not thought of previously. I’ll admit it, a few of these items are things I forgot and desperately needed but hadn’t thought of them prior to my crossing of state borders. A little bit of brainstorming never hurts when it comes to these things! When more random necessities pop into your mind, ensure that you jot them down immediately. This will help you prepare better for your move and keep you under a well-organized blanket during your transition! I love making notes on my iPhone, but if you appreciate the paper/pen aspect of lists, utilize that as well. The important part in all of this is to begin preparing you for how much you’ll need to take with you when you go. You’ll want to get most of these things in order before you take off, because obtaining random items in a different region can be quite stressful. Especially when a majority of campuses do not allow freshman to have a vehicle during their first year. Yes, many campuses offer bussing options, and you may be able to make friends with cars, but set yourself up for success ladies.

 Another quick tip when packing your life up: invest in some sturdy travel bags if you do not already have some. These come in handy for the following reasons: 

1.      They can carry a lot of beer at one time

2.      Several bottles of wine at one time will fit in there

3.      They can hold a lot of clothes when you’re packing for holidays

4.      They travel well when you need to get gussied-up or stay at another friend’s place

5.      You have quality bags for your Aldi grocery store runs!

Quality, sturdy traveling gear is quite useful, believe me! Also, they’re so versatile for all of your needs, so investing is a must!

 On another note, make sure you’re keeping in touch with your soon-to-be roommate(s). If you could coordinate a theme or color scheme for your room, you should absolutely try to. If you sense a slight disconnect here, that’s fine! You’ll each have your own space to decorate as you please. However, staying in touch can get you connected with these people sooner than later. The better you can get along with your roommates, the easier your life will be. Conflict is bound to happen once or twice when you start living with another person, but if you can get more information on your roommates earlier, you can hopefully start building a bond earlier. Us ladies tend to get a little snippy at times, so be understanding when your roommates get a little snippy too. Do not take things personal when a bad day comes around and the people within your room aren’t the most pleasant. As much as you should always expect respect from others when you’re respectful, it is important to understand that other people are doing their best during these times as well and nobody is perfect. Understanding this and getting in touch with your roommate combined will make your move so much easier. My first roommate my freshman year was the complete opposite of me in several ways, and yet we still chat frequently. We came from completely different backgrounds, had differing habits, morals, hobbies, etc. and we still found several ways to love living together. You don’t have to be the same person, per say, you just have to coexist at minimum. Establishing a relationship like this is so important because we all need a support system and you never want to live in an uncomfortable environment. Make sure you’re doing your best to build healthy, friendly relationships with those you live with because it will make your year so much easier if you do.

There was a lot of content in this week’s blog, but I hope everyone who chimed in was able to take something valuable from our time together. Do your best to always stay positive, caring, compassionate and hardworking and good things are bound to happen. This is the time for you to aim to be the best version of yourself possible, so do not take this time for granted. With all of the hard work you are sure to put into these college years, always remember how to have fun in your own way. Stay focused, and stay loving. Positivity goes a long way in life, so always try to add that same great energy onto other. Peace and love ladies, see you next time!

[valkirsif]

Unthinkable CH 38/???

Word: 4200, i know is to much long than usual :)

Warning: Smut

Y/N was awakened by Tom kissed holding her neck though ,

"Good morning my love" whispered the woman trying to turn around to kiss him, " Mmm someone woke up cheerful" laughed feeling the excitement of the man, again tried to turn around but Tom prevented by squeezing her more, slightly biting her neck,

"Good morning love" he whispered biting her earlobe, "I thought I was going to fuck you if you have nothing against it" said brushing her side going up towards the breast, the gentle caress continuing to kiss her neck,  Y/N did not reply just rubbed her ass on his cock just turning her head to kiss him, "This is my kitty " he said squeezing her breast enjoying her softness, the woman meowed rubbing on him, the man continued to touch her scratching while she was going down on her hips, arrived up to the knee and raised her leg carrying it on his hip, went up to her pussy slowly without hurrying continuing to bite and kiss the woman's neck, "I have always loved your body .." he whispered, ".. the softness of your curves .."," ..The taste of your skin .. ", began to touch her clit gently, slowly with small circles,

".. Thomas .." Y/N moaned kissing the hand that imprisoned her shoulder blades, ".. you drive me crazy ..", the man touched her lips putting a finger in mouth the woman started to lick and suck excitedly , she was in his power could only move her hips hoping he would take her, heard him laugh as rubbed his cock on her wet pussy,

".. oh kitty what are you .." he murmured slipping into her slowly making her moan, he moved just to let the woman get comfortable leaning against him, stopped stimulating her clit did not want her to enjoy immediately, he returned to tighten her nipples pushing his cock deeper and deeper, he began to fuck enjoying her moans excited by her mouth sucking his fingers,

".. please .." meowed Y/N clouded by excitement, "..you have a lot of fun .. torturing me right? .. " she asked intertwining her fingers to his,

"I just want to enjoy .. your pussy .. still a bit kitty " he replied biting her, "You have to learn patience .. " he moaned almost to the limit, slowed down not to come, he heard Y/N complaining frustrated and let his fingers drop again on her pussy, "..my little kitty you want me to make you enjoy it?"

" Omg .. yes .. please" she panted, ".. I can't resist anymore", rubbed his fingers on her clit more and more quickly following the woman's moans when felt her pussy squeeze him started moving inside her again with force savoring the growing orgasm, the woman came moaning and panting

" Tho .. mas .. omg .." meowed in search of air, she was out of breath and trembling with the force of orgasm, Tom squeezed her fucking hard and enjoyed biting her neck,

" Kitty .. you're unique .." he panted, "..my sexy kitty ", they remained entwined taking breath, Y/N turned smiling and satisfied,

"I love you," she said kissing him, "Can we do this all day my king?" asked laughing, the man stroking her back gently

" It's a great idea, my queen," he laughed in turn, hugging her, "But first we could take a break for lunch," the man picked up the phone, called Nobu and reserved a table, "Great they have a seat, shower and let's go," he said. getting up, Y/N stared at him for a second before following him to the bathroom.

"Good morning where will I take you?" Martin said opening the door to the woman,

"From Nobu thank you," Tom replied, fastening his belt, "I hope you like sushi darling, " said, turning to the woman,

"Of course I like it and I'm hungry after morning gymnastics" she laughed accomplice kissing him, Tom made a couple of business calls on the way while the city with his chaos paraded next to them, a porter arrived at the restaurant and opened the door to Y/N giving her a good morning, Tom took her by the hand and they went in, not paying attention to the photographers stationed nearby to take pictures of the patrons,

"Welcome to Nobu, have you booked?" asked a smiling receptionist, the man gave the name and the meitre accompanied them to the table, the restaurant was magnificent Y/N got lost in looking at everything, the dark modern interiors, the cluster chandeliers that spread warm and soft light in the room, the satin windows looked like rice paper, next to their table there was a tree with bright leaves that she liked very much,

"The waiter arrives immediately," said the meitre returning to his post,

"Thomas this place is wonderful," said Y/N softly, she was still getting used to that kind of place, she was more like a pub and trattorias so chic restaurants always put her in awe, a waiter silent step and left the menu on the table along with a bottle of water, the woman appreciated her simplicity with no frills but did not understand what was reading, the menu was only in English or Japanese, she looked at Tom,

"I think I'll let you order for both of us," she said embarrassed, "I don't understand most of what I read,"

"Don't worry I'll explain what's up" smiled the man sliding on the bench half moon to get closer to her, took the menu and translated what he didn't understand, "They use a lot of big words to say cod, don't be intimidated" he laughed , the waiter came back and took the couple's order, the man's phone vibrated again, "Sorry darling, I have to answer, I'll come right away," he said, getting up, Y/N shook her head smiling, having him two days at home didn't mean she had it all his work always got in the way, she waited for his return munching edamame , took the opportunity to look at the messages,

§Hey hermana are you back? Tomorrow shopping, lunch and I'll take you to see some house near ours if you like and you're free?§ Elsa had arrived

§Hello, I came back yesterday evening§ she wrote cheerfully, §Thomas has a couple of free days we can go together§

§Perfect then I wait for you around 10, a bag holder could be useful;) §

Y/N laughed confirmed the time while Tom was returning,

"I promise that when we get home I turn it off," he said sitting down,

"Don't worry, I don't want to stop your work," replied the woman smiling, "Rather tomorrow you were recruited to do the bag holder, Elsa just wrote me"

"Gladly it will be a nice day out and about with two beautiful women," he said kissing her hand, "Enjoy the city, Tuesday we leave for Scotland"

"Such as??" she asked curiously, "Have we just arrived and are we already leaving?"

"I just confirmed to shoot Hollow crow " Tom explained, "You will like it ... I will be Henry V" he laughed seeing the happy expression of Y/N,

"OMG!!! Really?" she asked more excitedly than he, "How wonderful my love I can't wait to leave then"

"If you prefer to stay at home when I can, I'll join you," he said, "not because I don't want you on the set but because we'll be in the camper, I don't want you to be uncomfortable"

"Thomas, comfort is not my priority you know it and if the camper is like that of the Avengers Camp it is not absolutely uncomfortable, I just have to go from home to get a new book" she laughed, they had lunch talking about the return and the new Scottish stay, when Tom read for her he had imagined the man with the crown and the clothes of the era on him and now he would have really seen him, she was happy,

"We will also soon start promoting the film around the world," he said as they returned home, "It will be really heavy to be without you .. "

"In what sense will" be without you "not come?" Y/N asked staring at him, Tom looked at her seriously before answering,

"For the promotional tour in Europe I want you by my side .. " he began, "But I prefer that you stay at home when I am abroad" concluded by continuing to look at her trying to understand what he was thinking,

"If you think it's the best thing, I'll wait for you," said Y/N, "If it's just because you don't want me to be uncomfortable in some way, then I say no," she smiled,

"I know that you would have no problem sleeping under a tree Darling, it is that it will be chaotic, stressful and fast, knowing that you are at home safe would make me feel more comfortable, I must concentrate to the maximum" he explained calmly, "I love you and you I would always like with me but in this case I have to ask you to let me go alone, do you understand that? "

"Honestly, I find it hard to understand but I want you to work quietly, I will wait for you at home, I will take the opportunity to visit London and maybe look for the famous hut in the moorland" she laughed kissing him, she was not happy to be away from him, probably for weeks , but she would have satisfied him, they arrived home and enjoyed the swimming pool for the rest of the afternoon making love and talking about the promotional tour, the man showed her the program,

"Thomas is this the program ??" she asked in amazement, “How the heck are you going to do? It's a delusion, now I understand why you prefer me to stay at home .. I don't think I 'd survive a similar tour de force "she laughed worried, in less than a month he would have literally gone around the world twice, not counting the tour in Europe ,

"Shooting the film is a walk in comparison" he laughed kissing her, "You will have to call Alissa to get help"

"Help me for what?" she asked curiously, "If I'm home, I shouldn't need her"

"You have to start leaning on her to make appointments to see houses, for the tour you will need clothes, help you move around the city ​​.. it is your pr��not only your press officer do not be afraid to call her if you need" laughing at her innocence on certain issues, "Most of the time if Luke weren't there I would be in trouble", Y/N laughed in fact now that she was part of his world saw how indispensable Luke was, it was also for her more of an occasion ,

"Ok, I'll learn to contact you if I'm in trouble," she replied, " It seems so strange to have someone who takes care of my things," they dined in bed and fell asleep.

They got up at 8 to prepare quietly, Y/N went down to make coffee and breakfast turned on the phone and found some messages from Rice

§Hey Poppy arriving on Monday we have lunch together so I leave you the pass for the parade? § The woman had completely forgotten the invitation of her friend

§ Lucifer !! For lunch it's fine let me know where and at what time§ she wrote § I'm afraid he'll jump for the parade .. Tuesday we leave for Scotland, Thomas starts working on a new project I'm sorry§

§Ouch I was counting on your presence, have you never seen me at work .. § replied §..can you not reach him later? § Y/N smiled he was asking her such a thing, until a few months before he would not hesitate to send to mount her plans for him, Thomas embraced her kissing her head

"A penny for your thoughts," he whispered, "Any news from your family?"

"Day my love, I was explaining to Rice why I won't be able to go to his parade next week .. "

"If you like to see it, I will book you another flight to reach me," he said pouring coffee for both of them, "The first days on the set will be chaotic and I will spend them between one meeting and another, usually I don't even go back to sleep you would always be alone "

the woman thought about it for a moment, she had the feeling that he was lying only to make her stay but from what she had seen it could also be true,

"I would like to see him at work but I don't want to create chaos in the travels .. "

"Don't worry, Luke hasn't booked flights yet. I tell him to book just for me," he replied cheerfully, "So you can organize yourself with Alissa, " they finished breakfast and left and arrived at Chris and Elsa's house in less than a minute, now, it was a beautiful Mexican-style house at the top of the hill surrounded by a high wall covered with wisteria, the garden was full of flowers and palm trees, the path in flat stones led to the swimming pool at the back, Y/N liked it very much hoped to find it a similar one in the area .. maybe not so big, from the outside it was gigantic but maybe it was an illusion given by the exposed stone, Chris was waiting for them at the door,

"Good morning!!" he said cheerfully embracing Y/N, "I have great news but .. "

"Welcome!" Elsa interrupted him, welcoming them, "Take a seat, let's go to the kitchen and put the coffee on"

"Other than great news .. " Tom laughed in surprise, ".. brother you didn't tell me anything!" he laughed giving Chris a pat on the back,

"I wanted to say it but Elsa insisted on keeping the secret until she arrived" he laughed back making his way, Y/N was smiling excitedly for them,

" Hermana congratulations," she almost cried out in joy, embracing her, "When's the happy event?"

"Elsa you are radiant, congratulations dear" said Tom tenderly embracing her,

"I just entered the 7th month, I no longer see my toes" she laughed passing the cups, "The future princess is as agitated as her dad I don't think she will stay in her place for another 2 months"

" Querida run away on the set, see you tonight, have fun around the shops" Chris said kissing and greeting before going out, the trio drank the coffee and went out in turn.

"Where do you want to start girls?" Tom asked helping her out of the SUV , gave Elsa her arm and they walked,

"I would like to go to a couple of shops for the little one and I have to pick up the maternity evening clothes " she replied "Y/N do you have to see anything?"

"I'm fine, I have a new wardrobe that has not yet started to use" laughed, they went around the boutiques for a few hours, Tom was the usual gentleman, he brought Elsa's purchases and followed the women with infinite patience,

"Lady's, it's time for lunch," he said, loading the parcels on the car, "Is there an Italian restaurant nearby I can tempt you?"

"I hadn't noticed the time, now that I think about it I'm hungry" laughed Elsa getting into the car, "I made an appointment to see a couple of houses on the hill, I would like to have you as neighbors"

"You did very well," said Y/N, "Yours is beautiful I love the exposed stone"

"We have arrived, it is one of my favorite places in town, small, intimate and homey .. " he said when they stopped, "... as you like Darling" he whispered smiling, the restaurant was semi deserted and made them sit in a booth , they ate divinely to be an Italian in America, Y/N continued to be amazed at the attentions that man gave her,

"Thomas is perfect, thank you my love" said kissing him, the trio went back to the hills.

A real estate agent was waiting for them outside Chris's house

"Good afternoon Miss Pataky " she said walking over and introducing herself, "I'm Nicole, there are 4 property of that I thought might please her if you want to get into the car's start the tour"

"Nice to meet you," said Elsa, "thank you but the house is not for me, it is for my friends," she said introducing Tom and Y/N,

"Mister Hiddleston is a real pleasure" she smiled parking in front of the first house that looked like a cube, "The whole property has a video surveillance circuit like all those in the area .." said making his way, ".. the house is very modern as you can see .." she opened the door and made them sit," ..the entrance from the living room and the open kitchen .." they went around, the upper floor had 5 rooms and the garden was accompanied by a swimming pool with slide, Tom said nothing just looked at Y/N who didn't seem convinced, she was too cold for her taste,

"The next one is in Georgian style .. " she said opening the door, "... on this side we have the perfect main hall for partying .." made her way into the large room, "... here we have the eat-in kitchen from which access to the second living room, from these stairs instead you have access to the swimming pool with turkish bath .. ", Y/N lost count of the number of rooms, she liked the house but was fine for a very large family, the third house was rejected immediately, it was just too ... too big, too chaotic .. too modern, the couple started to think that they would not find the right one that day, then they came to the fourth and last house,

"This is the last one on the list .. " Nicole said opening the gate and going up the avenue, "..is in Tuscan style, compared to the others it is much smaller ..", she made way opening the door, ".. hallway leads to the dining room with fireplace, basically it is always warm here so it is purely aesthetic but it is still usable .." they passed under an arch and found themselves in the kitchen," .. the appliances are of the latest generation, on this side there is it's a panoramic terrace where you can have lunch .." the terrace overlooked the garden with a small wood next to it, ".. next to the swimming pool there is a stone bbq area .." they finished the tour on the upper floors, the three bedrooms they were warm and welcoming, all in wood with exposed ceiling beams, they returned to the room and took a seat,

"Can I ask if anyone is to your taste?" she asked at Tom, "In case I can inquire to see other properties"

"I would say that it does not matter to try again" began the man turning to Y/N, "Darling what do you think?"

"You liked the Georgian one right?" replied the woman smiling, the man smiled back nodding,

"It is really beautiful," he said, "But doesn't it seem too big for us?" he seemed to read them in thought, "Which one do you like Darling?"

"If I have to be honest I fell in love with this" she replied looking at him, "It is spacious enough to have dinner with friends, the garden is beautiful and given your love for the green that grove is perfect .. but the final choice is yours" smiled,

"I fell in love with the bedrooms, I love wood," he said, "Well let's get this," he said, turning to Nicole,

"Very well in the week I will send you all the documents," she replied professionally, they went back to Chris's house, said goodbye to the woman and entered the house,

"You chose the most beautiful in my opinion, we had seen it too but for it was too small, with the baby on the way and Chris's brothers there was not enough space" said Elsa, bringing drinks for everyone,

"Thomas are you sure you like the house?" Y/N asked, she liked it because it was the nest she wanted, warm, welcoming and very Italian but she didn't want him to buy it just to please her,

"Darling we don't need a palace, I love wood and those red bricks give warmth, and you're right I will spend a lot of my free time in that grove just put a couple of beds" laughed kissing her, towards evening the couple returned home.

"Love have you decided what you want to do?" Tom asked reaching her in the garden, "Are you going with me or are you going to join me later?",

"If it's not a problem for you, I would stay for the parade, Rice and I have just clarified, I don't want you to think that I don't care about your work," she replied smiling, "I will call Alissa to book a hotel room, I don't feel at I'm comfortable being here alone" laughed,

"Or you could go to Evans, I'm sure he would like to have you around for a day or two," he replied laughing,

"I don't want to disturb him .. " the woman said, she would have liked to go to him, she had immense fun at the camp, Tom picked up the phone before she could add anything else,

"Hey dude disturb?" he said, "Listen, I leave for work on Tuesday, I can leave you with my lady for a couple of days, she has commitments but does not want to be alone in this house" laughed at the answer and said goodbye, "Well you have a bed for a few days, Evans is happy to host you ", Y/N smiled happy even if she was sorry to be away from him even for only two days,

"I'll call Alissa straight away for the flight, stop at home in London to change clothes and join you in Scotland?" churches

"Sure, take some warm clothes it will be cold, it's always full summer but in Scotland we are already in the autumn" he replied,

" Alissa sorry for the inconvenience you should book me a flight to London for Wednesday and if it's possible the one for Scotland on the same day, I have to go home to change my bags .. " she said as soon as the woman replied

"Y/N don't apologize I'm here on purpose, if you want to do everything in the day I'll try the flight to London early morning and the one to Edinburgh afternoon/evening, I'll also book a car to reach Mister Hiddleston on the set" she said professionally, Y/N she could hear typing on the keyboard as they spoke, "As soon as I have organized I will send you a message, do you need a car to go home?"

"Yes thank you, I don't know the metro I wouldn't want to get lost" she laughed shaking her head, Tom was right he needed her as well as an assistant, "I'm waiting for the information, thank you very much",

"My King since we are on the subject of houses .. " she said, lying down beside him on the bed, ".. what would you like for that in the countryside?", the man thought for a moment

"Compared to when we stay here, I would like it bigger," he said, squeezing it, "I wish I could have around my little ones and my sisters maybe some friends, with a nice garden .. the typical English country house" he laughed, "But I also want you like it and feel it yours "

"You know I love the English countryside and the idea of ​​having your grandchildren running around the garden exalts me, since I will try it alone I don't want to run the risk of making mistakes .. can I call Sammy so she will accompany me?" smiled at the idea of ​​hanging out with Tom's best friend,

"He would be happy and he knows my tastes to perfection .. not that you don't know me but .. " he replied cheerfully, Y/N didn't take it in the bottom was true, Sammy knew him better than she, she had years of advantage and was for what he wanted with her at that juncture,

"My love does not seem but we have been together for just two months it is impossible to get to know each other so well don't you think ?!" Y/N answered seriously, Tom looked at her and kissed nodding.

[experiencingmyjoy]

Walking Within Wisdom #14 September 2, 2019

“Money does nothing, PEOPLE do EVERYTHING!” ~Michael Tellinger, Ubuntu Contributionism

Last week I walked a total of 32.96 miles and swam 7,500 meters (a slow week for me) AND BOY did I learn a TON!!! Overall I think this walking thing is working ;-)

So although I was not walking during this wisdom presentation yesterday, this subject and work is NEVER far from my mind… Instead of Walking Within Wisdom I may have to re-title this particular segment DRIVING LONG DISTANCES WITHIN WISDOM as it took me two and a half hours (I would have driven further btw) to get from Denver to Pueblo (Colorado) to listen to my dear friend Rebecca Gretz present about “Ubuntu Contributionism: A New (NON)Economic Paradigm”

Some of you may know that I have been spending a good deal of time in Walsenburg Colorado. My work there is based on the ideas/values of Ubuntu and contributionism and last year we purchased an 1898 School House (pictured here), started growing food, chickens and started collaborating with the community to lay the groundwork for this new paradigm.

If I haven’t talked your ear off about this work and would like to know a bit more please see this short video that talks about the movementhttp://bit.ly/onesmalltown

There have been ups and MANY downs in the past year and despite all of that we are still working on it!

Although we tried to record Rebecca’s presentation, sadly it didn't work out that way. So I am going to do my best to recap Rebecca’s wisdom with some of her slides and images...

Rebecca started off with a question:

Are you happy with the way the world is now?

There was all sorts of feedback from the audience, for the most part, the answer was a resounding no…

Rebecca went on to describe…

IMAGINE… •a world without the need for money. •a world where you do what you love to do everyday. •a world in which everyone uses their natural talents and acquired skills for the benefit of all in the community. •a world where there are no boundaries to progress in any area including energy, healthcare, science and the arts. •a world without strife, famine, war, and disease. That is UBUNTU CONTRIBUTIONISM!

The next question… Why imagine a world without MONEY?

WELL…

•Money is an artificial framework-an intermediary that comes between people and the resources they need to survive •Money, or the lack thereof, causes stress, depression, anxiety and sickness for individuals and families. •Money is used to destroy the environment and deplete planet resources •Money is used as a tool to enslave the masses. •Jobs, often, do not match the talents and interests of the people •The need for money puts a barrier between people’s desire to pursue their passions and the means for survival (i.e. starving artist) •The need for money interferes with people’s access to resources to achieve their goals (i.e. business, education, healthcare, charities, research)

These ideas are far from new, new age or just coming from crazy people like me. Buckminster Fuller was talking about these ideas 50 years ago, in 1970 Fuller said,

“We should do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a living. We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery because, according to Malthusian Darwinian theory he must justify his right to exist. So we have inspectors of inspectors and people making instruments for inspectors to inspect inspectors. The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living.” R. Buckminster Fuller

So you probably want to know, what is UBUNTU? Ubuntu is a word from South Africa meaning: I am who I am because of who we ALL are. Basically the most collaborative word on the planet...

A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good. They have self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong to a greater whole. They are diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, or when others are tortured or oppressed.

Rebecca then showed this image of beautiful children in a circle and told the story of an Anthropologist in Africa...

An anthropologist proposed a game to the kids in an African tribe. He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the kids that who ever got there first won the sweet fruits. When he told them to run they all took each others hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats. When he asked them why they had run like that as one could have had all the fruits for himself they said: “UBUNTU, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?”

THIS IS THE WORLD I CHOOSE TO LIVE IN…

SO what is Ubuntu contributionism you may ask???

IT IS:

•A blueprint for a new social structure envisioned by Michael Tellinger. •It is an actual “plan of action” that outlines the steps necessary to achieve abundance for all.

Michael (and we all) ask that you keep an open mind .... These concepts are foreign to most of us who have been raised in a capitalistic, oligarchic society...

In his blueprint Michael even outlined a five point mantra

1. No money 2. No barter 3. No trade 4. No value attached 5. Everyone contributes their natural talents and acquired skills for the greater benefit of everyone in the community

So you may wonder why no barter and trade… Barter and trade continues the system that something has more (or less) value than something else and thus just replacing money with things. This also goes for using a different form of currency like bitcoin.

I also want to insert here, please don’t misunderstand, we are not all Pollyanna (well maybe I am) we understand we will need to continue to need money, barter and trade as a bridge as we are literally building the wings of the plane just before we take off… These ideas and movement takes time.

Rebecca Gretz went on to talk about Ubuntu basics, some of the work we have (and haven’t yet) been doing in Walsenburg. What kinds of talents and skills we are looking for in this first phase and:

We want to invite all inventors, healers, scientists, artists, food growers, etc, to our community–without funding limitations or need for profit, they will come up with new cures, technologies, etc. Other cities and towns will want to establish this for themselves when they see how successful our community is. It will be a domino effect that changes the world…

She then concluded with a quote from the former Former National Coordinator for Ubuntu USA

“We can no longer wait for the systems that enslave us to save us.We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, and the time is now.” ~Starr MacKinnon, PhD,

OF COURSE there was much much more here, my Ubuntu brothers added to the wonderful conversation and I even talked about how I got involved. I would be happy to talk to anyone who would like to know more AND

If you would like to learn more:

Read the book Ubuntu Contributionism by Michael Tellinger Go to our friend Michael E. V. Knight channel moneydoesnothing.com Look at any of the Ubuntu Facebook pages likehttps://www.facebook.com/UbuntuPlanetUSA/