#but I feel like it’s been long enough that I should publicly address the grammar error

[caterpillarinacave]

This post. This post made in ten seconds. This post, where I change the capitalization around twice. This post that should have lived and died at three notes. This post is one of my most popular posts. Every few weeks I open up my notifs to see a random bomb of a dozen people like the post. Every time I must stare at my grammatical inconsistency. Every time I must wonder what was I thinking. Every time I see it I am reminded of my own mistake. My own recklessness. My own naïveté. To think that my being a new, small blog would protect me. To think that my lack of an online presence would sweep my poor grammar under the rug. My hubris displayed in a lowercase “a” and “c”. It haunts me. It’s haunted me so long it’s as familiar as my own breath. It is a ghost. It is a ghost, whose hands, wrapped around my throat, have been squeezing so long it feels like an embrace. Now I wonder. Does it haunt me? Or do I, its inattentive creator, haunt it? How does it feel about my hands on its wrists? There is no way to know. Perhaps it is best this way.

The meme is so real tho it’s so much fun to put my scrunkly little guys in the situations

[burnt-tomato]

ello!! may i have some headcanons of Akaashi, Iwaizumi and Kuroo being protective and jealous over their crush?

A a a a a a a a a a I’m terribly sorry that I answered it late lmao. I got the notif for it during my sleep so I got to see it after like 11 hours lmao

Anyways here are your headcannons for Akaashi, Iwaizumi and Kuroo! Hope u like ‘em. Sorry for any grammar errors lol.

Kuroo

• Oh god I guess first up’s the meme himself. Dude’s the literal embodiment of a meme and has his fuccin hyena laugh

• Ok so despite him being a dorky, stupid but funny and enjoyable to be with, he is nOT able to stand you having boys around. He just wants you all to himself, and fu c k, he is scaReD to lose you which is why he’s really protective.

• The first time he gets realllyyyyy jealous was when you had a partner project, and would ya look at that, you’ve been paired up with a bOy. You were fine with it, your partner was fine with it, but dam n kuroo was NoT okay. During the class when you two had to sit together, he couldn’t even focus on his own work cuz he kept on glaring at the two of you. You noticed, your partner noticed, he is now scared because he thinks once class ends hes gonna die. Damn boi ya gotta start runnin. Once class is over, he runs up to your partner, who you were talking to on the way out. “Don’t you evEN think about stealing her from me you piece of shi-". You push him away before he starts cursing on your partner lmao. He is confused and scared as fuck I feel sorry lol. Because of his height, he was able to literally glare dOwN at him. You had to push him away and apologized to the boy, who you think is about to faint. “kuroo we were just talking about our project what the he-" “idiot. I wasn t really mad, I just wanted to give him a warning.. that’s all.”. God you could see the blushy embarrassed face he had it was damn cuttt e e e ee e e e -. He pulled ya over and hugged ya tightly. So that’s when you understood just how much he wants to be his. (Whatthefaq this onE headcannon is frikin lonG)

• I’m pretty sure kuroo isn’t the type who when gets jealous, will physically hurt someone (I onlY thInK) , but given his intelligence, he’s probably the type to threaten them and glare them down and call them a nitwit, dumbbell, ignoramus, muttonhead, nincompoop, tomfool, simpleton, out to lunch- k I'll stop searching up idiot synonyms. I think he’ll only get physical if someone would actually do something bad to you.

• Doesn’t like you walking on your own, so in the morning he picks you up at your place, then walks you home after school.

• Just fuccin loves to take advantage of his height. Even if your just like 5mm shorter, “Awww, do I really have to be taking care of my smol girlfriend wherever she goes?”. Honestly his canon height is boyfriend material shhdjdhdhdn.

• I like to think he has this 6th sense and whenever you’re like about to trip or if you’re gonna hit something, in a second he’s just, there, moving you away from the danger lmao

• Honestly I couldn’t think much for him sorry about that lol

Akaashi

• Oh crap this is gonna be hard

• When someone talks to you and is a boy, he’ll probably take a good look at the situation

• He’s like the type of person who wants to make sure that what he’s doing is correct and sure, so he will read the atmosphere between you and the boy

• If it’s just a friendly chat or something, he’ll probably let it slide. But when this “friendly chat" continues on and you two seem closer than usual, he’ll probably start glaring at you both.

• He doesn’t want to disrupt your conversation with him because he trusts you and respects the decisions you make

• Damn for some reason I can’t make memes when it’s about akaashi what the heck

• He might be the type who isn’t loud and is very quiet, so when he suspects something hes not sure of, he’ll probably wait till he’s sure

• When the guy starts asking you your birthday, address and phone number, damn akaashi will just…. N o .

• He is straightforward about his opinions and will interfere once something like that happens

• He’ll get in between you 2 and will start asking the boy

• Along the lines of “Hey. So these past few days I’ve been noticing that you’ve rather been close to my girlfriend. And recently I heard about you asking her number. So I wanted to make this clear to you right here right now. She is taken and is mine, alright? No one is allowed to flirt with her other than me. And if I see you talking to her this way again, you are not seeing the last of it, understand?”. He’s kinda the type who’ll threaten someone while keeping a straight face.

• Scared, the guy makes a run for it.

• “y/n, you should really tell me if something is going on yknow. I’m sure you already know that I won’t interfere unless something happens, right? So the next time it happens, don t be afraid to tell me, ok?”

• Damn y’all get a man like akaashi

Iwaizumi

• Ok I’ve read enough fics about this hedgehog, and let me tell you he is the one person you don t wanna make jealous

• He wants you to himself so don’t even think about flirting with others

• Once someone talks to you in a some sort of flirtatious manner, he’ll have some doubts first because he doesn’t want to interfere without a proper reason cuz yknow, ya might get annoyed or something

• But if something dies happen, like them publicly flirting and you getting annoyed bc who wouldn’t honestly, Hedgehog bf to da rescue!

• He will quietly stomp his way over, push you back, ending up you standing behind him. He will glare at the dood with fuccin dagger eyes and roughly (*coughcough* r o u g h l y) (wait a damn minute I thought I was writing x reader not yaoi watdafaq) pull his collar up, causing the guy to choke a little.

• “if you’re even thinking about making moves on MY girlfriend, you'd wish you never enrolled here you shitty bastard. I’m only gonna say this once before I lose my cool alright? Don’t evER make MY girl uncomfortable and flirt with her especially if it’s ME dating her.” Releases the guy's collar and pushes him aside. He’ll pull you by the arm harshly and lead you to a spot only you two are present

• “you should really learn not to look tough all the time. If there’s something wrong happening, you can always tell me, and I’ll be there for you ok? You got me scared there. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I let the guy do his thing. I could’ve lost you yknow?”.

• He’s the tough and intimidating on the outside but when with You, comfy and loving type of guy. He’ll do anything and will protect you from anything.

• Scared that he might lose you so he does his best to make you happy a a a a a a a

• Get a man like this hedgehog. Protective, tough and loving. Fuccin sad he’s not real lmao

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. WAIT..

OmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygodOmygod

I just saw that the ask said "crush" but what I wrote was them and their s/o are already dating A A A A A A A A A A A A I'm sososoososososo sorry I only realized it when I finished a a a a a a a.

I'm terribly sorry I hope what I did was still okay

-♤

[simplemlmsponsoring]

New Post has been published on http://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/blogging/how-to-handle-complainers-and-rude-emails-to-support/

How To Handle Complainers And Rude Emails To Support

This article was originally published in 2008, then totally rewritten and re-published in 2019. Which explains some of the dates on the comments below.

Enjoy!

There is a simple fact of life when you run a blog or online business. Heck, this is just a part of simply being alive. And that is…

You’re going to have people complain.

The things people complain about can vary from legit concerns to trivial matters that you can’t believe they just bothered to email you about. Things like:

Typos and grammar errors People taking offense on something you said, or a word you used. People ripping you to shreds over trying to sell something. People jumping to conclusions and calling you a scammer over the smallest things, or because you didn’t reply back to them fast enough.

I don’t list these things as an attempt to make fun of them. Not at all. However, these are some of the kinds of complaints I’ve seen over the years.

Sometimes they’ll email you privately or email your support address. Other times they might post it publicly on social media, in a blog comment or elsewhere.

So, how do you handle these things? What do you do about it?

Should You Let It Bother You?

Fast answer = NO.

In some cases, it may be hard to take. Sometimes you’ll have people really tear into you. It can be hard to be called a scammer or to have somebody tell you they’re offended by something you said. Not everybody can take the criticism.

It is important to maintain perspective. Always remember:

Most people are good, decent people. Many times, a complaint was sent to you “in the heat of the moment” and the moment you reply back to them they will apologize. I’ve had it happen more times than I can count. There is always a small percentage of people who will find a way to be upset by something. Life is a big confrontation to them. It is sad, but the problem most definitely isn’t you.

Working with a lot of students over the years, I have found that beginning entrepreneurs who are making their first attempts at sales with their blog can be the most sensitive to negative comments. The moment somebody calls them a scammer, they just wilt. If you’ve ever felt that way, please check yourself.

When you stand up in this world and do anything out of the ordinary (and putting up a blog and/or selling something online is out of the ordinary), you’re more likely to get an arrow in your back. This is part of having an online presence… and it could get more common the more popular your site gets.

So, definitely don’t let a complaint bother you or get to you personally. This is simply part of life online.

How To Handle Typo And Grammar Complaints How do you handle it when you get people complaining about typos and grammar errors on your blog? Like so…Click To Tweet

Guess what?

When you create a lot of content online, you’re going to make some typos and grammar errors. This just goes with the territory of doing something a lot.

Also, sometimes the way we type isn’t exactly grammatically correct. When I create content, I do so in a conversational way. I write in a conversational way. This is because my purpose is to effectively communicate ideas to you and to get understanding. My purpose is NOT to impress an English teacher! Truth is, when you are communicating effectively online, not everything you say or write is going to pass a grammar check.

And so, you have to take these kinds of complaints with the proper perspective. There are certain kinds of people who are just sticklers for proper word structure. To each their own, but just because they are that way doesn’t mean you have to change the way you wish to communicate on your own blog. In the end, words are meant to communicate IDEAS. And it is the IDEAS that are more important than some of the nitty-gritty rules of grammar.

So, how do you handle people who point out typos and grammar errors?

You handle it politely, of course.

Here’s what I do:

Read the email and see what the error is that they’re pointing out. Reply back and thank them. That’s it. You really don’t need to comment any further on it. Just thank them for reaching out on the issue. Review the actual issue and decide whether it needs to be corrected. If so, do it.

If it is a legit typo, go fix it. If it is a gross grammar error, go fix it. If, however, it is just conversational speak, works just fine despite the fact that it might earn a red mark from an English teacher, feel free to ignore it.

How To Handle Rude Comments And Emails

What do you do if the person is just being rude? What if they’re calling you names? Should you even respond?

As I said before, don’t let this kind of thing get to you. In more cases than not, they emailed you in the heat of the moment and aren’t actually like that. In some cases, they’ve just got issues.

Either way, don’t take it personally.

First, always look at whether there is merit to what they say. Even despite the unfortunate tone and even if it is highly inappropriate, there might be a legitimate concern behind that email. Did you fail to deliver on a promise? Did something not get delivered? Did you go too long without replying to them and they felt ignored? Always look. Always look at any complaint as a potential symptom of a breakdown in how you are managing things. If there is something you need to fix, fix it and make it right.

Sometimes nothing is actually wrong, but they think it is. Perhaps they misunderstood something. If that’s the case, clarify it to them. Realize, however, that if they misunderstood or missed something, others might have as well and just didn’t bother to tell you. So, look and see if there’s something you need to change to make it simpler to avoid the situation again.

In some cases, you’ll just have people complaining for little to no reason. Well, like I said… sometimes people just do that. Not every such complaint has to be actionable on your part.

Now, do you reply?

In almost all cases, yes. In fact, often you’ll just make the situation worse if you ignore them. One of the worst things you can do online is to fail to acknowledge somebody’s communication.

Now, do you get defensive? Do you tell them where to shove it?

I wouldn’t. I always look at whether I’m in the right or not. If something needs to be corrected, I always do. However, if I evaluate things and determine the person is being rude and unfair incorrectly, I will put them in their place. I never respond in kind, but I remain firm.

In that rare case where a person is just being rude for the sake of being so, you can make a decision on whether you choose to do business with them anymore. For instance, in the last several years, I’ve probably had a couple of people who emailed into support and just ripped into my virtual assistant. Called her names, etc. I have zero tolerance for such things and will ban a person from my business for doing it.

In the end, you are the owner of your business and nobody is forcing you to do business with anybody. If I don’t want to deal with a person, I don’t. The good thing is, as I said, I think I’ve only had to do this a couple of times in my many years in business.

How To Handle Threats

It does happen (again, in rare cases) that you may get rude emails to you which threaten to do certain things. I’ve had people threaten to call the attorney general on me for a bad review of their product, for instance.

Ah, good times.

Sometimes, people will express dissatisfaction with something you send on your email list and they’ll threaten to unsubscribe. My response? Help them do it.

Honestly, that just tells you they’re not the right person for your business anyway. It isn’t as if they’re doing you a favor by being on your list. If they don’t want to be there, show them the exit.

Sometimes, people will express dissatisfaction with something you send on your email list and they’ll threaten to unsubscribe. My response? Help them do it.Click To Tweet

If you get threats about calling the news media, reporting to the BBB, or some other agency, you can pretty much ignore it. In almost every case, they’re just blowing smoke in order to try to get a response. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the fact that they emailed you and they’re mad. You treat it like any other complaint. When people are mad, they often say irrational things. So, just look past it and evaluate it with an even keel.

What If The Negative Comment Is Out In Public?

This is often when people get the most worried about complaints is when it is out in the open. Will it hurt business? Will it affect what people think about you? Should you just delete it and go private with it?

As a general rule, you will make things worse if you delete the comment. For instance, a company I work with recently got themselves into a little PR jam because they handled a price increase pretty poorly. In the resulting reaction, they ended up banning one of the figureheads of their Facebook group from the group because he tweeted his dissatisfaction. The fact that he was banned caused even further PR damage and ultimately they reversed it, re-joined him to the group, complete with a pretty lame excuse for what happened that likely wasn’t even true. In the end, it just looked really bad.

People will usually make assumptions to fill in what they don’t know. And often those assumptions will be against you. They’ll assume the worst.

So, when a negative comment is in public, I say leave it there and respond to it in public. Be honest and transparent.

Did they say something snotty in a blog comment? Well, if it is a real comment from a real person, leave it there and reply to them.

Did they say something snotty on Facebook, Twitter or some other public forum? Leave it there and reply to them.

If what they say is incorrect, then correct them. If it is a customer complaint, handle it. Be polite and write your response knowing that others may read it that aren’t part of the transaction. Use it as an opportunity.

One Last Thing…

You are the owner and founder of your own blog and your own business. And guess what… you get to run it the way you please. You get to say things the way that you please. You get to do business with who you please.

Own it. Be confident in that. You always want to be fair and treat people well, but never lose sight of the fact that you are in charge.

There’s the old saying that says “The customer is always right.” Well, guess what… sometimes the customer is just plain wrong.

There’s the old saying that says ‘The customer is always right.’ Well, guess what… sometimes the customer is just plain wrong.Click To Tweet

The idea that “the customer is always right” carries with it the connotation that you must do whatever it takes to please them, to placate them…. no matter how unreasonable it may be. And that’s a rather large load of BS, to be frank.

All transactions are voluntarily. They can choose to read your blog, interact with you, or do business with you. Likewise, you get to choose who you work with. If you get yourself into a mindset where you feel you need to grovel for whatever you can get, then that’s not a mindset that will lend itself to success.

Always do what is right in your business.

Always treat people fairly and seek to over-deliver.

Always create the best content that you can and try to help others find meaningful solutions.

And, be willing to correct course if you got something wrong.

If you do all that, you’re in the right and you’ll do just fine. And for those rare cases where you might get yourself a person with a chip on their shoulder, you just let it roll off and treat it accordingly.

Besides… the fact that you even get complaints at all means they’re paying attention. So, well done!

The post How To Handle Complainers And Rude Emails To Support appeared first on Blog Marketing Academy.

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[game-over-ash]

“It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin, because the hardest part is never to repent for someone else, it’s letting people in.”

-         Wake, The Antlers

You can skip to the START HERE part if you want me just to get to the point of this, but…

Considering how long I’ve managed to stay silent on this, it should be obvious to anyone – especially those who know me - I never wanted to make this post. For the past five years, I’ve been perfectly content with sitting by as my ex continues a distortion campaign against me while simultaneously drunk calling me to explain how much she still cares and occasionally warn me of possible attacks from other abusers. Despite the severity of everything that’s been said, and how easy it would’ve been to just out her on the obvious contradictions no one ever questioned, letting her control the narrative of what happened between us and watching friends cut ties was always much more preferable to disclosing my side of events. I wanted to move on, after-all, and I can’t stress how uncomfortable I felt with being that personal with any one.

Although I have zero issue with discussing the matter, I’ve seen how vicious online crowds can be with survivors of intimate partner violence – especially men - and I’d rather not exchange the hell I knew for one I don’t. It was never worth it in my eyes. Especially as it became increasingly obvious she cared more about claiming that victim label, as most abusers do, than she did calling me out by name and trying to harm me. And after seeing how her two initial distortion campaigns failed on Tumblr after she repeatedly contradicted herself (more on this later), I convinced myself she was harmless.

Yeah. I was originally concerned about how she would frame me and how I’d defend myself when I’d finally be forced to, but the reality – which I’ve sadly come to accept only recently – is that my ex has a really hard time describing the situation that shows her in a sympathetic light to anyone who actually pays attention… despite my years of silence (outside a few VERY vague private Tumblr posts) on the issue. Still, I know even the people who suspect the truth hesitate to call her on it.

My issue here, though, is I don’t know where to start. It’s been five years since I left her, believing I had to get to shit together in time for an unborn baby, one I’m still not sure ever existed, and I’m still struggling to come up with an excuse not to post this. As disgusted as I am with my ex, part of me is still trying to justify her actions and look for possible defenses; despite how long it’s been, and everything I’ve come to learn, it’s still hard talking about what happened without feeling like I’m being purposefully malicious by not emphasizing why she abused me. This is her worst fear, afterall; me speaking out, I have no question everything she’s said has been a preemptive attempt to discredit me before speaking out. It’s how this all started; her always fearful I would tell people what happened.

I can’t talk about how often she threatened to kill herself anytime I wanted a break-up without stressing how “I was her only support.” I can’t discuss the lengths she went to isolate me from friends and family without also saying “they didn’t understand her like I did.” Hell, I can’t even talk about the years of emotional blackmail I went through – long after we were already broken up – without using the idea that “I could take it” as an excuse. Afterall, how could you ever really love someone if you couldn’t even hold them while they lashed out at you?

That’s what it means to be a supportive partner, right? Let damaged people be abusive – that’s part of their process – right?

So why am I making this post now? Well – to cut this part short and get to the lengthy explanation – it’s come to my attention that my ex has been emboldened by my continued silence, most likely due to the reasons I disclosed to her when we were having drinks (you read that right), and thinks I will continue to shut the fuck up. The mistake there, however, is that while refusing to defend myself is a valid choice when I’m the sole target – it wouldn’t be right to continue ignoring her bullshit when she now frames friends as abuse/rape apologists simply for not immediately ostracizing me on her word alone… as though I haven’t disclosed some details to them in the past.

That said, this post will not only be the first time I publicly talk about this, but it’ll also be the first time I go into detail about what happened. I’m sure I’ll repeat some things and skip around in the timeline, but I had to take a few shots before reliving this shitshow for the sake of finally writing it down. This isn’t to excuse any “inconsistencies” in my story, but rather warn the following may contain some really shit grammar.

I know from what she told me last year, and the little I’ve seen on Tumblr, that she likes to frame me as someone who spends their time tarnishing her reputation, throwing around my social capital when the reality is – up until this year – I’ve never really spoken to anyone about what happened with my ex in detail. For the most part, everyone who has supported me through the years respected my silence beyond the few vague FB posts and photo project. Moreover, how often has anyone even seen me in at events? What social capital? She KNOWS my reluctance to discuss the matter and has often attended the same parties KNOWING I’d be there and never confronting myself or our mutual friends. I was nervous of what she told people. Scared no one would believe me. And again, I just wanted to move on… and to an extent… I was ashamed of what I went through. I felt like a straight jackass for allowing things to get to the level they did.

START HERE

So where to start? Lucky for Ms. Robin, I can’t perfectly detail the extent of everything that’s happened between us. I have trouble remembering some of the trauma and had to refer to old recordings, text messages, and screen shots to remind myself of some things I had repressed. It’s also hard to keep up with the claims and details considering how often I’ve seen them change, especially as the narrative escalated from Tumblr to Facebook as she became increasing paranoid that I would tell people what I’m about to say here. I know I will have to address some claims, but at the same time I’m not going to repeat past mistakes of humoring any gish gallop from her to avoid the heart of the issue.

TLDR; If I miss anything, Ashley. Don’t expect me to waste another fucking second dragging this out. No more threats of legal action to silence me. If you’re going to take me to fucking court, lie to the cops and “immediately go to jail without trial,” or try to fake more evidence - then do it. I am through telling myself you aren’t a walking trope of a psycho ex girlfriend after everything you’ve done. (I also changed my phone number, so get fucked)

So, using everything before this as something of a preface, I want to start this shit at the moment I believe she decided to stop stringing me along and escalated the abuse from emotional blackmail to distortion campaigns in a pre-emptive attempt to protect her reputation by destroying mine. This is, afterall, about claims that started after it became obvious she lost control of me.  And again, considering the abuse I’m about to describe and the little support I’ve received in this time, you can forgive me for strictly keeping this to things I can prove.

I know my ex has enjoyed leftist ideals that protect her from being called on her bullshit, but I doubt the same will be extended to me. So again, we’re keeping this to things I can prove while leaving some breathing room in case this ends up being a legal document in court. We’re at a cross roads of male and white privilege, after-all, and although I am concerned of the community response to this, I’m more worried about the lengths she will go to silence me after this. Despite knowing she has shit to stand on legally, I don’t want to give her any ammo, especially since court is a pain in the ass.

With all that out of the way, I hope ya’ll are into TedTalks ‘cause this is going to be long as fuck. Trigger warnings for some really fucked up shit.

On March 3rd, 2014, Ashley Stone – AKA Robin Daggers – attacked me with a knife after attempting to kill herself. I had just broken up with her under the guise of lost love, when in reality I suspected her of cheating on me since that January, as well as being in contact with people she framed as irredeemable abusers. We were at her apartment where she got into my pattern-protected phone, saw text messages of me discussing the situation with another woman, and proceeded to attack me before eventually grabbing a knife (there was a birthday cake in the room) and attempting to kill herself as I was pinned to the floor (we’re about the same size physically, if that matters). Her exact words, before literally slapping her wrist with the blade, was, “You’re going to have to live with my life on your conscious.”

I managed to wrestle the knife away from her long enough to get off the ground and make my way for the bedroom door before realizing I left my phone. She then came at me with the knife as I turned. As she closed the distance between us, I instinctively went for a throat jab when I felt I was about to get stabbed, taking the wind out of her long enough to find my phone and hide the knife. By the time I did, she came to and shoved me into the adjacent bathroom, locking me in. I began a cell phone recording in the room in a last-ditch attempt to protect myself, verbally explaining the situation as she began shouting random accusations into the phone to scare me into shutting it off. Instead, I kept the recording going until she finally agreed to let me out in exchange for deleting the file and trying to discuss the matter back in the room.

After that, I’m hazy on the details (having disassociated in the moment), but it ended with her lamenting her actions as she cried and asked that I not call the police – knowing they would put her on a 5150 hold with the marks on her wrist. I found out later from Zach, the other guy, that Ashley’s version of events that night was that “she attacked me because I stole her phone out of her hands” and later “fell on the knife she attacked me with.” (check attached screen shots for this convo) I know she’d later change the story of that night yet again, while simultaneously denying she ever attacked me amidst it, but seeing someone excuse that shit “because she’s a woman” reinforced my reluctance to discuss the abuse.

To get myself out of that situation that night, we agreed to restart our relationship under the condition that she would have full access to my Facebook account and cell phone, that I’d cut contact with the few friends I still had (at this point she had isolated me from even my best friend), and that I’d support whatever narrative she wanted to tell. However, we did not last too much longer after this, as I became increasingly suicidal and inadvertently Gray Rocked her.

[EDIT: I completely repressed this part of the story until an old Tumblr friend reminded me, BUT after that night I sent all the screenshots I started collecting (which we’ll get to in a moment) to a few people I trusted. I had given over my account info and instructions to release these messages in the event I was killed. Sounds dramatic, I know.]

(I want to go back a bit here, sorry.)

All that said, having suspected her of lying to me since December, I did start screenshotting conversations in attempt to prevent any gaslighting. I was inclined to believe Ashley as a damaged individual that people simply couldn’t understand, but at the same time I was starting to see the value in maintaining some skepticism given how – in between us talking and that December break-up – she had zero issue framing me in a bad light (although not yet to the extreme she now does), going as far as to subtly imply she felt physically threatened by my presence in texts whenever we’d argue. I also began noticing how fucked my memory was from the level of gaslighting she commonly used. TMI, but it also didn’t help that often her response to any questioning from me lead to her either changing the subject via sex or re-centering the conversation around how she was a bad person (knowing I’d be inclined to comfort her instead of pressing further). After we originally broke up that month (December) when I suspected she was in contact with people she framed as irredeemable abusers, I refused to keep up with her social media in an attempt to spare myself, although – as she’d later admit – she would purposely make Tumblr posts (now deleted) attempting to illicit a response from me. When that failed, she “mistakenly” texted me longing messages, and after a small FB conversation where she admitted to basically attacking me publicly as a form of coping, I agreed to a face-to-face conversation under the condition I could record everything.

We restarted our relationship after that, albeit becoming increasingly rocky due to me now referring to screenshots during gaslighting attempts and refusing sex. I became increasingly distant and in response, having learned I wanted a child, Ashley began faking pregnancies – both in an attempt to gain back some control and hurt me. I know that is a huge claim, but we’re talking about someone who said they gender of a child two months into a pregnancy, and has the balls to – most recently last year – still use this vulnerability as a target. (screenshots above)

I don’t want to get too off topic here, but I really need people reading this to know regardless of if they believe me on anything else, as soon as Ashley found out how much I wanted a child – and how resentful I was of not being able to financially support one at the moment – she began using the very possibility of a child as a form of control when it wasn’t an easy way to hurt me anytime I acted out of line – which also included her suspicions that I was telling people about “her flaws.”

Again, I know it’s a huge claim, but this is a sore spot for me. And despite anything anyone can say, no one can tell me how it was appropriate for her to talk about this pregnancy (as though she only claimed to be pregnant once) and subsequent abortion within earshot of me at a birthday party of a child (of a mutual friend) that would’ve been about the age of ours – if she was actually telling the truth. And considering Zach also later told me her pregnancy tests kept coming up negative in those first months of 2014, I really fucking doubt she was.

(Also: side note. Ashley, if really were concerned about me being a pedophile and bemoaned friends not calling me out, why the fuck wouldn’t you warn our mutual friend about me being a danger at a children’s birthday party we were both in attendance? Fuck you.)

The reason I bring up that brief summary leading up to that wonderful March night, and why I’m now talking about my desire for a child, is because that’s the entire reason I finally walked out on her. Sometime in April/May, I finally had enough. Yeah, I was suicidal and pretty much resigned myself to that hell in that point in my life, but somewhere between the familiar insults she said something new;

“You’re going to be a shitty father.”

And I realized – almost instantly – I needed to get the fuck out of that situation. Not for myself, but for this child. I knew I had a responsibility to get myself together and quickly create a space outside of that life Ashley and I had together. Seeing the parallels between myself and my mother, I knew I could not allow someone to be raised in this environment, and I feared how fucked up the kid if they ever caught her acting this way.

I still remember literally getting myself off her apartment floor that day and simply telling her, “I won’t be raising this child with you. As soon as she’s born, I’m going to get full custody. Remember, I got text messages.”

Before I even managed to drive back home from her apartment, I was blocked and deleted off all social media, and greeted to an onslaught of Tumblr posts about how I was abusive and a pedophile and controlled her every step of the way. And while I had begun collecting texts and posts from earlier that year when I began suspecting she was abusive, she had deleted all her Tumblr posts prior to 2014 before I could save them, thus making it my word vs hers.

All I could do was argue like an idiot online as she began shaping her narrative into what it is today. Anytime I provided evidence, she’d claim I used photoshop, or escalated the level of bullshit she claimed happened. This is when I started being labeled a stalker, despite her history of harassment, and how often she’d track down my friends social media accounts – making countless fake profiles when they’d block her. I was accused of simply being a bitter ex boyfriend out to destroy her relationship with Zach, despite how obvious it was I simply wanted to be left the fuck alone (if five year of silence doesn’t attest to this, I don’t know what will).

Not that any of that mattered, as most of my internet supporters opted to stay silent, although openly telling me they stopped talking to her because she was clearly displaying some abusive traits towards me long before they knew what was going on. The reason I bring this up here is because, at the time, this explained why she was becoming increasily hostile towards me despite how scared I was of making any Tumblr post on the matter, knowing she’d read, and eventually respond with further hate no matter how vague I was. People were ghosting her and she managed to make me responsible for it.

It wasn’t until June of 2014 when I was finally able to get a leg up. She called me late one night, immediately begging me to lie to Zach about our relationship for the past six months. I was at work in the emergency room at the time, obviously distracted, but knowing this was important enough to ask for a break from my supervisor and handle the conversation – strictly through texts, though, as I knew she couldn’t be trusted over the phone anymore, and I did not have a way to record our conversation.

I will attach some of the texts, but you can imagine my relief when she admitted to lying about the stalking, harassment, rape, abuse, and pedophilia accusations… then my disgust when I realized why she was asking me to lie about the past six months.

I was working night shifts at the time. Zach was working days. Considering how long this post is so far, I’m sure you don’t need me spelling that out further.

So, instead of simply leveraging my cooperation for further text evidence, I hoped onto Facebook and reached out to Zach directly. Somehow, I knew he would be expecting me (I was blocked earlier that year after that March incident), and would want some answers as well.

To summarize the screenshots (sorry if they are out of order), Ashley told Zach her relationship with me was strictly friendly all of this year. However, he was just as suspicious as me considering he briefly saw some of our text conversations. The whole reason Ash was reaching out now was because she (thankfully) left her FB account open on his phone, where he was finally able to confirm his suspicions.

Her lame-ass excuse to him was that I hacked her account.

During this conversation, I found out she cheated on me back in December, right before I broke up with her for suspecting as much, and continued dating him after she talked me into getting back together that January. Of course, he didn’t believe me – which I don’t guilt him for, no matter what he thinks of me, because I understand how convincing she can be. Honestly, I felt bad for the guy – again, I had only recently pulled myself out of the position he was in – and I wanted to help after we traded info. I had the idea to secretly three-way call her, but for whatever reason – he told her my plan and then got upset with me when I tried explaining it wouldn’t work now with knowing.

Ashley IMMEDIATELY pulled a 180 and went from apologetic back to spiteful and acted as though I was again trying to ruin her relationship, denying she so much as offered to fuck me in exchange for my cooperation earlier on the phone, spitting back the same tired accusations she literally admitted to making up.

Except this time I had evidence.

The importance of these two events, and why I want to share them here, is because this is when I realized Ashely had effectively isolated me from anyone who ever gave a shit about me. At the time, my self-esteem was shot, and it was extremely easy for her to use half-truths to convince me that certain friends were insincere or secretly hated me. My insecurity and ability to self-sabotage would handle the rest. And although some time has passed, you can still argue I do this today. Point is, I finally saw how easy it was for her to manipulate me using my desire to help and some leftist ideals to hush any skepticism I had (since it’d be victim-blaming.)

I don’t want to over-sell what I knew at this point. I had suspicions, but to anyone who was ever in an abusive relationship, you know it takes a long fucking time to silence the voice an abuser seemingly programs into your head – to speak in their absence. Any time I had a question, this internalized abuse logic spit out an excuse, and deemed me the problematic one no matter the circumstances. But after that recent conversation, everything she ever told me was now under suspicion, and there were questions even the voice couldn’t silence.

Like the time I told a friend Ashley was stalking their Tumblr blog, and Ash immediately demanded I cut ties with this person since they “posted a death threat” against her.

The death threat? “I know you’re reading. I hope you choke on your spit.”

It sounds stupid, considering how obvious it is looking back now, but only then had I begun opening myself up to the idea that Ashley had lied about everything. I felt disgusting humoring the idea after the mentality of “always believe the victim” was engrained into me, but abusers like her use our vices against us, and if I didn’t follow this train of thought I would have never found out just how fucked up she was and still is.

So yeah, I reached out to two ex-friends Ashely had framed as massive abusers, having every reason to believe I would immediately be written off if not targeted. To emphasis, these were people Ashley told me, “if you ever reached out to them, I will stop talking to you.”

Come to find out, she had been talking to them all along, despite her denial in December. They had told me that she was in contact for some time, showing some messages on Tumblr, and was going as far as framing me as someone with anger issues. Obviously, this is when I realized she would purposefully use leftist ideology to keep groups of people apart, so as to protect herself from having to answer for contradictory narratives.

I know I’m jumping around here, and I’m leaving out a lot of details, but I want to focus on these stories because this highlights the following about Ashley (iN mY oPiNiOn).

She is a manipulator, first and foremost, and after everything I’ve seen - I have zero doubt she believes her own bullshit. She has zero issues about harming other people if it means avoiding accountability, going so far as to exploit ANY half-truth to warp others into believing her reailty. It’s always been that way no matter what our relationship is. As I said at the beginning of this, she has ALWAYS kept in contact with me no matter what she publicly says.

Most of the time she was smart enough to call from a blocked numbers, but she would occasionally forget to within these five years, and would sometimes even text me. At some point, I stopped caring to document this shit because it became our new norm. I can’t tell you why she did this beyond me possibly enabling her by not immediately greeting her with the same hate she publicly showed me. Call it what you will, but a small part of me still felt bad this entire time, and I did not want to put her on notice after having met her family. I still felt protective of her, admittedly. A part of me still does… but that part can stfu right now.

So throughout the distortion campaign after distortion campaign, Ashley and I kept in touch, though obviously not always on good terms given she didn’t always approve of my Tumblr posts whenever I’d have to nerve to voice my pain – no matter if I didn’t give details or name her. I eventually had to give up Tumblr altogether because I knew she was keeping tabs on me under the guise of “protecting” herself from slander, even when I was too scared to even speak her name; meanwhile, she’s out there bragging about how she lit an exes car on fire, crying about me spreading misinformation (yet feeling comfortable enough to attend the same events), and drunk calling me from blocked numbers to express how she still cares about me.

Again; anytime I made a post talking about the irony of the situation, she was right there sending a text or calling me to reaffirm she still cared, DESPITE literally wishing I would just die on Facebook (“How did you know what I was posting?” “You have my mom on Facebook, dude.”). Anytime I’d ignore her, I was sure to be given notice to check her blog for some vague post about how she was happy that I was moving on and posting old Halloween photos of us together. None of this speaks to her stalking all my friends social media – accounts I didnt even know about – and bragging about making various fake social profiles to stalk me after I’ve blocked her.

Again, there’s proof. But instead of showing all of that, let’s take this back to last year (2018) again; we were both in attendance of a mutual friends birthday party for her daughter. Same event I spoke about earlier. This child was about the age our child would have been – if they ever existed. So what does Ashley do that once again sets me off? Within two feet of me, this asshole says something to the effect of, “Oh yeah, I was pregnant with Mannys kid, but I aborted it.”

Yeah, yeah – womens rights and all that. Remember, at this point Ashley knows I’ve always wanted a child, consistently used that to manipulate me into staying with her, and now here she was – not calling me about for any one of the accusations she’s spelled out publicly or even warning this mutual friend (whom I didn’t tell my side of the story to yet) about how “I was a danger” – no. Instead, she goes the petty route and tries the last thing she knew she had over me.

I finally had enough.

I emailed her (very threatening, right?) that week and aired out 5 years worth of shit demanding an explanation.

She ask we meet at the Continental in Downtown Fullerton and discuss things face to face.

We do.

And after everything is said and done, we begin talking again – as friends.

Yeah, friends. Kinda puts a damper on this painting of me as this giant asshole, right? Anyways, back to the story.

We go out for drinks. She accompanies me on a shoot with Diana Teo and Selin. I take a few photos of her in this time she later uses for her Facebook and Tinder profiles – just in case she tries denying it. All of this, and more, happening from July of 2018 to January of 2019.

I know why I did it, but to ask a question you dodged before, “Why, after everything, are you friends with me?”

In that time, I actually feel bad for – what she told me was – people believing some warped version of events where she lit my car on fire. She blamed me for some people not talking to her and credits any bad reputation she gained to me lying. I offer to publicly tell everyone what actually went down and that we were trying to work out the past. I figured, no matter what, if I could own up to my part in “spreading misinformation” she would admit the extent of what she did to me and I would finally get some answers. And, stupid enough, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t actually the abusive one this whole time; because despite everything I said here, I was still insecure about my version of events. A part of me was worried I was missing something and would soon realize I had everything all wrong. I needed to know if she was ever actually pregnant with our child. I wanted answers after years of thinking there would be no hope for any. I needed closure.

In the end, I was still that same dipshit that always believed her. And after a few drinks one night, I fucked up and told her as much, admitting I never truly hated her – just that I knew I needed to keep her the fuck away from me.

Thus I went from raising a storm and riding it to her doorstep, to literally offering my cooperation in telling everyone – yet again – her approved version of events in exchange for some peace.

But she told me not to. She wasn’t “comfortable with people knowing we were talking again.”

Instead, no matter how I brought up the subject of her abuse, she would never admit to it ever happening. It all lead to an awkward conversation where I just wanted her to apologize for what she did to me that night in March, where she instead repeatedly kept stating “that never happened” and showed more offense that I ever “made up” the scenario for IG likes (referring to my abuse project).

This obviously didn’t last and she eventually blew up on me after I asked her exactly how she was ever threatened in a situation where I was the one literally being stalked. She attempted to use some abuse ideals to state her trauma was just as valid as mine, but kept ignoring she was co-opting the very year I spent being stalked by someone who lit my car on fire, and was obviously putting in the effort to do more in the future (that’s another story).

I was accused of being just another man attempting to silence a woman. Nevermind it was my story she was hijacking.

We stopped talking after that incident. I blocked her, again realizing she would never change, and that this entire time I was protecting someone who would flip on a dime if it meant protecting her fucked up view of herself or the past. I know I said this earlier, but this was when I actually believed it, knowing now I was not simply creating a version of the past where I’m innocent.

I’m far from perfect, but I am innocent.

And although it would have been easy just to post every screenshot and recorded conversation, to just go balls out nuclear on her after the past five years, I instead chose to continue my silence. This time not because I was scared of ruining her reputation, or fear of any retaliation, but because this experience was entirely personal, and I still wanted to choose who I told instead of announcing it to the entire world as I was forced to here.

Again, despite how vocal I am about my depression, it is really fucking hard to be this transparent. Ashley, among others, have always used personal information like this as a means of control when it wasn’t something to make fun of. Attempting to vindicate myself in the eyes of people who most likely don’t give a shit was never worth risking future harm.

Still, it’s because of that vulnerability I expressed to Ashley DESPITE the past 5 years that I realized I’d spent all of it feeling guilty for no good reason. I know that’s somewhat anti-climactic after everything, but it all just clicked, and I stopped feeling any sort of resentment or pity. I just felt refreshed.

Yeah, I started telling some people and gaining some more information that only proved she was up to her old tricks. If you’re reading this and seeing similarities between how she kept our relationship secret last year, continuing her distortion campaign, and what she’s done in the past, you should be able to figure the rest out.

Again, I’m sure there’s more. But after finding out she was spreading that “rumor” about her (and an ex?) lighting my car on fire herself… well. I’m seriously done.

So again… why now? Well, to end this tangent, it’s not because I’m tired of staying silent. I am honestly not looking forward to Ashley’s response to this given how ugly she can be. Still, I want to stress I am not afraid of any legal action; she’s threatened to make shit up in the past and straight up told me numerous times “the cops are on their way” as though that’s how the system works or that I’m still not holding onto years worth of texts prove she’s full of shit.

As I said in the beginning, I had my reasons to suffer alone all this time; for one, I was ashamed I let it get this bad, and that I didn’t leave sooner. Looking back at some of these text messages and recordings, I am amazed I didn’t pick out the obvious fake crying and clear indications she was lying about certain subjects. Moreover, I feel horrible about how easy it was for her to isolate me from friends and family that she felt threatened her power over me. I’m pissed AF I was so concerned with being a proper feminist that I never once demand she piss on a pregnancy test at any point; I’m amazed I never tried documenting the suicide attempts sooner or that I ever believed she actually gave a shit about me outside what I could do for her. Even in most recent events, I’m pissed I was “friends” with her that long and didn’t realize sooner WHY she didn’t want other people knowing and that I was okay with her dismissing past abuse and deflecting any questions.

I’m pissed that despite all the showboating I’ve done in the past, and all that I’ve done here, I am still concerned about how this will effect her. I don’t want anything to happen to her.

Thing is… while that’s all fine, no matter what others may say, when it’s just me being the sole target - it is inexcusable for me to continue to be silent when Ashely starts accusing others of being apologists. I know she’s testing how much farther she can push it now… and after five years of excusing her behavior I’m finally drawing a line here.

So yeah. I know there’s been some serious tone shifts and we jumped around the place in the last stretch of this post, but this is it for me. I’m sure I could take more, but I refuse to spend another day paying her “flaws.” As I said, although I’ve had five years to dwell on this, I never knew how to address it. I knew one day I’d have to answer, but I never planned for it. Stupid me, I guess.

I missed A LOT of things in between, but highlighting and focusing on the above, I think it’s easy to see why I believe Ashley is highly invested in burying me… yet incredibly nervous about actually naming me.

I was, again, ashamed of the extent of abuse I allowed to continue and how stupid the excuses I bought were… but I’m done holding onto her bullshit as she continues to spin this ever-changing and contradictory s narrative to discredit me in the fear I’ll ever speak out.

I know this won’t change anything, and the people who are her friends, or those who are just passively interested, will just ignore the obvious red flags like I did… maybe even call me over-dramatic for posting this long of a “call out”… I get it.

It sucks to admit, but she does have a way of making you feel for her despite fucking you over… but for everyone noticing the contradictions that I’m sure she’s still displaying, and all the fucked up shit she’s probably bragging about in secret… here ya go.

As I said, this isn’t everything. I doubt I’d ever be able properly tell this story, even if I had the practice.

I have no intention of following this up with further details or responding to any bullshit she has to explain this away, no matter how shit the comment section is. I fully expect to get my story questioned to hell by Junior Detectives who refuse to ask the same of her. I’ve made my peace with that long ago and you won’t be getting answers – fuck ya’ll. If you’re reading this and suddenly regret cutting me out; I’m sure you’ll understand if I ask you not to reach out. I understand why you did it, but I don’t want you back in my life.

Finally, to Ashley. I still don’t know what to tell you. You knew what I fucking had on you. Whatever victim complex you nurtured in the past five years, it doesn’t excuse your behavior, especially when I still – by virtue of my sheer stupidity – was still willing to forgive you last year in exchange for the truth about that pregnancy and a fucking apology. You obviously didn’t have to give me any of the later, but how stupid are you to continue pushing me knowing I’d eventually be forced to post this. Did you really think I’d continue placing your mental health over my own and the safety of others? The only thing I can guess – since I know you won’t tell me the truth – is that you mistook my kindness for fear because you sure as fuck can’t feign ignorance after our talks. Maybe you actually believe your own bullshit. Who the fuck really knows with you?

All I really know is this; you push a man far enough, and sooner or later, he’ll push back.