#bri is yapping again

[deathsconsort]

listen, this is coming from someone who actually enjoys aco/sf but...

if sarah didn't decide to do more adult-y books when starting aco/sf it probably would have been better tbh. i feel like the sex scenes took up space for important things that should have been addressed. but miss thing wanted to have her fun.

and i'm somebody who enjoys reading smut. it just felt so out of place and honestly unnecessary for this series. like a scene or two of it would have been fine, but there was an excessive amount that didn't need to be there and it took away from time that could've been spent focusing more on nesta healing and her's and cassian's character development ( which there wasn't a ton on cassian's part ).

and then there's cc that's also categorized as adult and doesn't have the excessive sex scenes that aco/sf did. so really the book just comes across as experimental on sarah's part. which i guess if there's a book series of her's to experiment on it's aco/tar bc we all know it's her unserious series lmao.

which leads me to a different subject; her having a character ( nesta ) going through serious things ( depression, ptsd, sa, even suicide) and how the other characters react towards her and towards each other when discussing nesta in comparison to the other books is very strange. but i'll get into that in another post bc i don't feel like getting into it rn.

[thegroovyskull]

Is bro gonna start talking to me about tea or whatever British people do

[the-girl-from-number-4-blog]

My Very First Mistake

Roger Taylor x Reader

On the subject of jealousy

Word Count: 2,774

(i got this idea while trying to find inspiration for honesty. hope you enjoy!)

part two

part three

You can remember the exact moment you realized that you did not love Brian May.  It happened a year and a half after you first told him that you did, indeed, love him. One evening, around three, the two of you were alone in his flat, reading. It was an outstandingly comfortable pastime, and as much as you now know that you didn't love Brian, you know that you always loved reading with him.  That evening's book was Stranger in a Strange Land, and interesting, if lengthy read. You had your copy, and Brian had his; he was much faster than you were, as he was already halfway through, while you had barely passed page 78. You both curled against one another on the couch, lost in the same other world.  The phone rang on the stand beside the sofa. You hardly noticed; part of reading so slowly was how immersed you got in the book, so it rang for a second before Brian answered it. "Hello?" A pause. "Yes, ma'am, she's right here." Another pause, longer. "Of course." 

He held his phone over the receiver and nudged you away from your book. "Y/N," he said softly, "you're mother's on the line." You finished the paragraph you were on and looked up at him. "Pardon?" He grinned at your oblivious expression. "Your mother. Phone." "Ah," you said, standing up and dog-earring your page. "I'll take it in the kitchen." When you got to the kitchen, you picked up the line and held it to your ear. "Hi, mum." Her voice rang in your ears like an out-of-tune violin. "Y/N, dear, it's been too long!" "Didn't you call the other day?" You hopped up on the counter and swung your feet, settling in for a long conversation. Once your mother got to talking, it was quite difficult to stop her.  "Oh, never matter. We just don't chat enough. And I was just settling in to watch my evening program - you know how I like to sit here before bed and watch the television; it helps me sleep. Well, I was just sitting down, I'd taken my pills and everything - I was just settling down when I heard this terrible, terrible noise! And do you know what it was?" You sigh. "No, mum. I was content to read my book; I didn't hear anything." You hoped in vain that she'd pick up on the fact that you were preoccupied.  "It was the Williams' dog next door! Can you believe it? That dog, yapping on all night - I could hardly hear my program. So I thought, I'll just call my Y/N; it'll let me listen to something else, other than that terrible yapping." "You could have turned the volume up." "You sound like you don't want to talk to your mother, dear," she changed her tone slightly. You were quick to recover.  "I just know how important your routine is, mum." "Yes, yes, of course. But anyway, how have you been?" "I've been fine." "I notice you weren't at your flat," she said accusingly. "I rang and I rang, but you wouldn't answer. So I thought to myself, where could she be? And then I remembered how you're always with that lad of yours, Brian. And you gave me the number to his flat last time you came 'round, remember?" Of course you remember; you were regretting it at that very moment. "Well, I'm glad I caught you here." "Yes, I'm at his flat." "Behaving, I hope?" "Yes, mum. We're just reading." "Just reading, just reading. Why are you just reading?" It always baffled you how your mother could, in one moment, be afraid of improper behavior, and in another, scold you for prudence. "You've been with him for, what, years now? Isn't it time you tie the knot?" Your brows naturally creased at the phrase. It wasn't even a conscious thing. When you realized that you were doing it, you were confused; where did the aversion come from? "We don't want to rush, is all," you say. "I don't know if -" you lean to your side a bit, to make sure that Brian's busy reading instead of eavesdropping "- if that's something he wants." This was met my your mother's harsh disapproval. Every relationship, she said, should be held with the intention to marry; if not, it's a waste of time. This was about the time of the conversation that you tuned out what she said, paying only enough attention to know when to give the appropriate "uh-huh".  You let your mind wander; a dangerous thing. You thought of marriage to Brian and a life with him always by your side, until death or hatred do you part. There was no part of that hypothetical future that filled you with hope. You weren't opposed to marriage; you'd dreamt of a magical white wedding since you were five. You must just be filled with such distaste from your mother's yammering in your ear.  The thought of spending the rest of your years at his side gave you a physical unease. You did not, at the time, realize the cause, but that was the moment, retrospect allows you to acknowledge, that you realized you were not in love with him.  The conversation went on for nearly an hour, and when you were through, you had to shake your head to expel the unpleasant thoughts. Putting on a grin, you went back into the living room to find Brian, who'd hardly moved at all, still engrossed in the book.  "Ooh," you said, picking up yours and plopping back down on the couch. "It bodes well that you haven't budged an inch." "It's really quite good," he said distractedly.  You rested your head on his lap again and crack open the pages. 

Roger can remember the exact moment when he realized he loved his best friend's girl.

He approached the door to Brian's flat with his usual aplomb. It was a clear night with unusually quick traffic, so this would just be a quick run by Brian's flat, then he could head back home. He knocked sharply twice and didn't wait for a response before he opened the door.  He wished that he had waited. If he'd have waited, he would probably see Brian standing up, or reaching for the door to answer it. He would have seen Y/N sit, smooth out her hair, and wave.  He wouldn't have seen Brian reclining, holding his book in one hand, and stroking Y/N's hair with the other as she rested her head on his lap. He wouldn't have seen such a perfectly domestic situation as cuddling on the couch, such a perfectly innocent thing as reading. But now that he had, a feeling settled in his stomach; an odd, alien feeling.  "Oh, hey, Rog," Brian said as he closed his book. "What's gotten you here? Freddie finally kick you out?" Roger shook himself from his thoughts to reply. "Uh, no," he said, focusing his eyes on Brian alone. "Fred rang a few minutes ago, but you didn't answer." "Yeah," he nodded, tilting his head to Y/N, who was still reading. "That was probably when her mum called her." Roger looked at her, staring a bit too long at the way she bit her lip. He shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Well," he said, trying to ignore that bizarre feeling. "He just wanted to tell you that he's feeling a bit of a cold coming on, so we won't be recording those parts of 'Stone Cold Crazy' tomorrow like we planned." "What are you, his errand boy? You didn't have to come all the way over here to tell me that," he chuckled. This was about the time when Y/N closed her book and turned to look his way. At that moment, he thought, with her hair fanning around her face, she looked particularly like an angel.  "Roger! Hi,” you said, smiling at him, but not sitting up. He gave you an awkward smile and a wave. It was very unlike him; usually, Roger is never without something witty to say, or a smooth way to say it. He could tell that you noticed. You noticed everything.  “Is something else the matter?” Concern lined your voice. “Nothing,” he said, backing away toward the door. It was hard to look at you; an inexplicable feeling spread its fingers around his heart, constricted his breathing, and pressed against his back with such insistence that he had to physically resist the urge to surge forward to meet you.  There had been times like this before. Not exactly the same - never with such intensity - but similar. A deep, unpleasant feeling had taken root inside him about a year ago, the first time you came down to the studio with Brian. Roger assumed that he simply didn’t like the introduction of a new figure into their dynamic, but you fit so well. It happened a few times later: when you and Brian got a separate cab home from a restaurant, a perfectly reasonable situation; when the two of you sat on Roger and Freddie’s couch one late night, dozing off together; when he would run to you after a show, take you in his arms, and kiss you. None of those times gave him so strong a feeling as this one. He had always been able to push it to the back of his mind and ignore that enigmatic feeling. Now, though, there was no way around it.  He could tell what it was, too. No matter how many times he tried to rationalize with other possibilities, it all came back to that same primal greed, jealousy. It was a word he tried not to think of - and he was largely successful, too. He was good at ignoring his feelings.  “Rog?” Brian asked, “what are you looking at?” In his trance, Roger hadn’t noticed his fixed gaze on Y/N. He turned to Brian, whose eyes held a mild suspicion.  “You’re awfully strange tonight,” he said. “Are you sure you’re not getting sick too?” “Must be,” he said, when he knew very well that he didn’t. “Well, I’ll be off now. See you in the morning, Bri.”

That night, Brian asked, “Will you sleep here tonight? It’s pretty late.” You glanced at the clock; it was rather late. The phone call and visit from Roger had cut into your reading, so the two of you had just disregarded the hour to catch up.  “No, I think I’d better go,” you said. “I’ve got work in the morning.” Brian nodded. “Well, good night, then. Do you need a ride?” You declined that, as well. “I won’t want to bother you. I’ll just get a cab, it’s no big deal.” He seemed a bit reluctant to just let you leave, but he didn’t want to push you, so he just embraced you, kissed your nose, and let you on your way.  Once you were in your own flat, you settled into your bed with your nightclothes and your book. As good as it was, you couldn't get into it. You tried shifting your position a few times, to get comfortable, but you ended up restless, reading the same line over and over again. You only realized this when your watch beeped, signalling the passage of another hour; it was midnight.   

You weren't worried about the lateness of the night; you didn't actually have an early day at work tomorrow. You really just needed time to think by yourself about the peculiar emotion brought on by the prospect of becoming Mrs. Brian May.  

Your mother's phone call had alerted you to certain feelings which had before been hidden under your insistence to resist change. You didn't like change; it was so uncertain, and things were fine the way they were. Even if you didn't love Brian the way you used to (or the way you thought you used to), you didn't want to mess up your relationship; you were still friends, and you had a good thing going on. You loved Brian and his band mates.   

But therein lied the problem: you loved his band mates just about as much as you loved him. Shouldn’t you love your spouse more than anyone You could no more easily imagine growing old with Brian than you could growing old with John, or Freddie, or even Roger.  

Roger had always been a bit odd to you. There was something about him, something not necessarily bad, but different. Your interactions with him had a certain static; you always got the strangest feeling when he'd look at you, and you at him, like the rest of the world disappeared around the two of you.   

You attributed this to his charisma. While people like Freddie could enrapture masses from afar, Roger could ensnare a single person with a glance; it was part of his charm, you supposed, though it made you slightly uncomfortable. You always got that odd feeling around him, like if the slightest thing were to change, your entire world would be thrown out of joint. There was a delicate balance between you and Roger that you were reluctant to tip.   

Something changed with him today. When he looked at you, it wasn't the same as before. There wasn't that strange, inexplicable connection you had grown used to over the years. When he looked at you, he looked past you, as though his gaze was really travelling around the world and back to him, so he could glean some new introspection by looking at himself from behind. He was inside his own head.   

You tried to guess what he could have been thinking at that moment, but knowing Roger, it could be any multitude of things, from the most cerebral of hypotheticals, to the most menial of tasks. Maybe he really was coming down with an cold.  

He wasn't.   After a tumultuous couple of hours tossing and turning in bed (during which Freddie even had to come into his room to tell him to settle down), Roger finally dozed off, but sleep offered him no respite from this battery of emotions.

He couldn’t tell that he was dreaming. It felt real, natural; each sensation was as though it weren’t just a concoction of his unconscious mind. With every single breath he took, his lungs expanded and the smell of your hair flooded in, as tangible as ever.  His eyes were closed, but he felt warmth, and he heard the soft ticking of the clock on the far side of the room. He was tired; so tired, in fact, that opening his eyes was an arduous endeavor, so he was content to curl into the warmth around him and sleep.  The movement of a body that wasn't his own told him that he could not sleep, no matter how tired he was. Blearily, he opened his eyes, and the moment he did so, he was not looking through them; he was looking at them, at himself.  Disembodied, Roger noticed that he was in Brian's place - not just in his flat, but on his couch, reading his book, and with his girl in Roger's arms. It was you who had moved and disturbed his rest.  You were resting against one another, your head in the crook of Roger's neck, and his atop yours. One arm was wrapped around your shoulders, with his fingers playing with the ends of your hair, while the other rested on your waist. He looked down at you, into your wide, loving eyes. The way he could see each different fleck of color, each fanning lash, told him that this couldn't possibly be a dream.  "I love you," you told him in a sweet, soft voice that he had never actually heard before, but which he could imagine so completely.  Roger leaned forward and met your lips with his own.  Though he was watching himself, he could feel the touch of your lips on his. He felt your chest heave as you pressed against him, wrapping your arms about his neck in an intimate embrace. He felt your breath against his cheeks when you pulled away, and he heard your sighs. "I love you," you repeated.  "I -"

Roger sat bolt upright in bed. His heart beat a deafening presto against his chest, echoing through his ears, as his mind replayed the scene of his nighttime fantasy before his eyes.  It was then, sitting in the silence of his room at the darkest time of morning, that he realized he loved you. 

[sammyspreadyourwings]

Dog Park Blues

I got a drabble challenge in the server, so I made it Breaky because that’s the mood this week. Enjoy!!

“Behave yourself today, please!” Brian glances down at the dog.

Astro thumps his tail once. He starts panting and Brian drops his head to the table and starts preparing his apologies for the eighth day in a row.

Seventeenth day total.

“Okay, ready?”

Astro barks and spins in place before trotting off to the door. Brian clips the leash on, being yanked when Astro charges after Oscar who was sunning himself in the mirror at the end of the hallway. Of course Oscar jumps and hisses and bolts into Freddie’s apartment.

“Brian!”

“Sorry, Fred!”

Astro stands on his hind legs happy to see Freddie. He licks Freddie’s hand.

“Are you sure you don’t need a dog trainer?”

Brian runs a hand through his hair, “no. But he barely listens to me. What’s a trainer going to do? And you know this started recently.”

Freddie grins, “this doesn’t have anything to do with that dog trainer at the park, does it?”

Brian flushes and Astro barks twice.

“Well,” Freddie laughs, “I think you might need to listen to the dog.”

Roger pops his head out of the door, holding a very disgruntled Oscar, “yeah, Bri. Listen to the mutt. I’m tired of fishing my cats out from under the couch.”

Astro barks once at Roger who sticks his tongue out at the dog. Freddie rolls his eyes and takes Oscar from Roger.

“Really, the dog isn’t replacing you, Roger. I’m sure Brian would put a leash and collar on you.”

Brian groans and Roger sputters, “if anyone would wear a collar in that relationship –”

“Ok! I’m off! See you tonight for scrabble.”

Freddie waves and disappears; Roger has another long stare off with Astro. Brian tugs on the leash once, and the shepherd follows happily.

“Please just, be a good dog.”

Astro tilts his head and pants, and Brian shudders at the vague resemblance to Roger.

🐶🐶🐶

The dog park is filled with the Saturday usuals. Ms. McGinnis with her corgis.  Mr. Jackson with his pomeranian. Alice and Annabell with their twin huskies, Rocket and Buster. Astro runs off to wrestle with Rocket.

Brian looks around and spots a few people waiting for the obedience class to start. The teacher hasn’t arrived yet, and Brian hopes that Astro is too distracted with his companions.

No such luck. When John arrives ten minutes later, with his own border collie Izzy, Astro drops the rope he was tugging on with Buster. He shakes and then attempts to saunter over.

Brian sighs and runs to grab his collar. Astro dodges him and slides up to Izzy. The border collie swaps side and Brian manages to grab Astro.

John grins, “ah yes, our troublemaker.”

“Sorry. I know I keep saying it won’t happen again.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to join?”

Astro takes that moment to bolt off towards a squirrel on top of the fence. Barking the entire run.

“He’s usually more behaved.”

John raises an eyebrow, “maybe he has a crush on Izzy.”

The collie yaps as though that’s not what she wants at all.

“You know,” John says quietly, “I do have an option for private lessons.”

Brian flushes at the purr in John’s voice, “uh. My friends and I are having a scrabble night if you want food before you ah, help with Astro.”

His dog is now back to roughhousing with the huskies. Izzy tilts her head and then sighs before flopping down.

“I think we should make sure our dogs get along too? Sounds wonderful.”

“Sounds great, yeah.” Brian grins, “I’ll just be over here, making sure my dog doesn’t eat the pool. Astro!”

He misses the fond look John shoots him and how Izzy covers her eyes as though she’s embarrassed. At least Astro should start behaving again.

[artificialqueens]

Objects in the Rear View Mirror (Craquameron) - Chapter Seventeen - Saiphl

With the longing and the nerving and its depth and its need - Chapter Seventeen

Aquaria PoV

You see, the funny thing about leaving town

You leave something you think you can’t live without

Now we’re heading north, but she’s looking south

We left Kameron’s place a few minutes before noon, Bri still wearing the gown from Nebraska’s wedding, the way to Brianna’s house was silent, all of us barely daring to say a word besides instructions to the driver. While we go through the streets of Cheyenne, I can see my former young self, first walking down the streets holding my mom’s hand, then as a young girl on the first school bus ride, and finally as the teenager I was when I left.

I can’t avoid thinking about what if I’ve done something different from the way I did, and I’m about to start with a heavy stream of ideas, when Brianna’s hand on my thigh brings me back to the moment. Thinking about the girl that I was, and the woman I am, I think I wouldn’t change a single thing, just because every moment led me to this. Every single decision, brought me back here and to them, and that’s something I’d never change.

“We’ll stop at my parents’, I can’t show at your mom’s wearing the same dress, also I’m itchy from wearing it”, Brianna talks softly to my ear, and I smile while nodding, anything that give us some more time before facing them is more than welcome.

Kameron is the last to hop off the cab, and when she reaches us at the door, Bob’s puppy runs full charge towards us. Kameron catches the dog who’s threatening to lick the makeup from her face “easy boy, if you keep your tongue off my face I’ll scratch your belly as much as you want.” She offers the little dog, who barks at her swinging his tail animatedly.

“Wait here girls, I’ll be down in a minute”, Bri says, running upstairs holding her heels in one hand, we hear her stumble in the middle and curse in pain. “I’m ok, I’m ok… I always manage to hit myself in this house.” We all laugh and then we hear her moving in her room.

I sit besides Kameron, who’s holding the puppy in her lap, scratching his belly, the little dog melted in pure bliss. “So… I guess your mom didn’t take it very well”, Kam says, turning her face to look at me and I sigh out of stress.

“Thing is, she was surprised, but she sounded mad. You know, the kind of voice that sounds calm but you know you’ll find a hell of a storm when you get home.” More than worried, I feel unsettled, mom has never shown that kind of behavior when it comes to anything that potentially can mean something good to me or Nebraska. “And right now they should be talking to Bob and Shane, I don’t really know what to expect from this reunion Kam, and I’m worried that they aren’t as happy as we are.” The mere admission of that single fact makes me shiver.

Kameron puts the little dog on the floor, and moves closer to wrap me in her arms. “I know what you mean, both Morgan and aunt Chad sounded like that when I called them, and right now I’m thankful of they being in the other side of the country, so they can’t add more tension to all these.” She rubs my back trying to soothe me, and there’s something really calming about the gesture. Now I get what Bri means while saying she feels safe around Kameron. “We’ll figure things out babe, if we keep clear what we want to do and what we expect, it will be easier for them to understand.”

I reach for her lips, a single and tender kiss that makes me feel like I will survive… like we all stand a chance. “Aqua, Kammy?” Brianna’s voice comes from the stairs, she looks at us puzzled, then she comes to us, sitting by my other side. “I know, I know… but we’ll be alright Aqua, they will understand”, Bri wraps her arms around my waist and leans her head on mine. “At least, Dad believes in us, he promised to keep mom at bay.”

We stay for a couple more minutes there, all cuddled in silence,  until Kameron kisses our foreheads. “Time to go girls, I have a good feeling about this.” She stands up, and take our hands to pull us up, then we leave the house, with Lester yapping on the other side of the door.

She rests her head on these soft tail lights

Feel the world rushing under this bike

Hear the cold highway explode, in rubber and fire

We cross the street holding hands, and break the contact only when I knock the door thrice. Being in my moms’ front door, knocking the door and waiting, makes me feel like I’m fourteen again, bringing some unpleasant news home. Momma lets us in, not before wrapping the three of us in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you girls, we’ve been waiting for you.” She smiles at us, the kind of motherly smile that makes you feel safe and sound. and I know, for sure, that she’s with us. She believes in us.

As we approach to the backyard, I can see mom’s smoking, and a loud laugh from Bob fills the air, they seem relaxed, but who can know for sure? Momma takes the chair besides mom, who turns her head to briefly kiss her. I wonder if sometime in the future, if we can make this work, we’ll be sharing something like these, a family moment where we are sitting with friends and our children are coming back home on a sunday noon. I hope with all my heart for that to happen.

Shane stands up the instant he sees us, surrounding with long steps the garden table and reaching to greet his daughter. Brianna melts on her father’s embrace, he kisses her forehead and then goes to greet me and then Kameron. His embrace is strong and protective, he’s silently telling us we can count on him. Mom and Bob are the next, receiving us with a quick air kiss and a brief hug, I can tell Sharon Needles is nervous, and Bob… she’s not giving anything to us, she’ll keep her words for the moment the discussion starts.

“Well… I hate being the party crasher, but I think we have something to talk about here, ladies.” Mom says, her voice deep and solemn. “I refuse to go on… some kind of tricky details, but speaking for the four of us, we want to know what, exactly happened for you to make this decision.” She smashes the buttock of her cigarette on the ashtray, looking to the three of us, taking her time to look me in the eyes at the end of her phrase.

“Mainly, what happened is we love each other too much, and we want to try to be together”, Kameron says out of the blue, both Brianna and I looking at her wide eyed. “It’s not a secret that we all have separate story, and you Mr. and Mrs. Cracker, know how your daughter feels about us. Now I want you to know for sure that Brianna means the world to me, and just like you, all I want is to make her happy.”

“Then, how is Aquaria related to all of these Kameron, excuse my rudeness, but as much as I see Brianna as another daughter, I’d like to be sure that you won’t break Aquaria’s heart”, Mom interjects, looking straight at Kameron with the same ice blue eyes she inherited to me. “You have my whole attention here.” She states, leaning her back on the chair and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Kameron smiles fondly to her, instinctively looking for one of my hands and one of Brianna’s. “Aquaria is an amazing piece of a woman. She’s sweet, kind and loving, and now I can see where did she got that from”, Mom’s features soften a bit. “Being totally honest, I’ve never expected for her to be a part of my story, but it happened, and the last few days were all the proof I needed to understand why is so hard to not think of her.”  I feel blushing creeping through my face, thinking of the last few days give me courage to admit that I can love two amazing women like them without any doubt. “Now that I know what having Aquaria Needles in my life is, the only thing I know for sure, is that I want her here now, and I’ll want her forever. That’s how Aquaria comes into the whole equation, because Brianna loves her, and I’m getting to love her too.”

“I can assure you Sharon, Kameron is the kind of woman that will always look forward to keep us safe and happy.” Bri’s voice takes me by surprise, she looks serious and in deep concentration. “I’ve known her for long enough to fall in love with her, I was her first girlfriend and she was mine. We had to be away for reasons foreign to us, but once we found each other for a second chance, we had the best time of a whole life.” Momma takes one of Mom’s hands, and Bob is looking at Brianna as if she was someone she was seeing for the first time. “I want that for me, and for Aquaria. I just want for us to have the happy ending we deserve. We all want to get it together.”

Bob leans forward, and sighs before speaking “I’m up to whatever makes you happy Brianna, and you know it very well; the time when you left to San Diego was the worst I’ve had, and you hear this from a woman that gave birth to four children”, she looks to her husband for a moment, and he smiles at her reassuringly. “Since your call a few hours ago, I barely had time to sink in all your father told me, and I can tell I’m worried, not just for you, but also for your partners. An adult relationship is complex, sharing your life with someone else is complex. When Shane and I started our life together, we had jamin on the way, and we had tough times due to our interracial condition.” She says, her voice trembling with emotion. “I know you’re not pregnant or so, but a committed relationship of three will be the equivalent to Shane and me thirty years ago, or Sharon and Alaska’s twenty seven years back. World is a mean place and we know you’re adults, but we can’t help being worried of the world and what will be for you girls.”

Whisper all your fears and your dreams to me

I can feel you here, I feel your scarred soul speak

With the longing and the nerving and its depth and its need

I hear both Brianna and Kameron gasp, we didn’t want to talk about that, we haven’t faced the fact that now that for us is clear, the world might not be able to see it as we do. “We… I know it will be hard, but world’s changing, and as far as we are sure about our choices, we’ll be able to figure it out. By now, the only thing we want… we NEED is to know you’re with us.” I say, looking at them with a knot of fear shaping in my stomach. “So please… please, let us know this is not just our struggle, that we can rely on you all”, the plead in my voice is clear, and I know for sure that we all are hoping for their love and support.

“The fact that we are here, open to listen to you is the proof that we’re willing to support you, Aquaria”, Momma’s slurred voice takes me by surprise, “at least, I can say from me and from Shane, you can count on us.” she adds, now looking to Bob and Mom, waiting for them to talk by themselves.

“Imma one to support ya’ girls, I’ve been prayin’ for the time to come for my lil’ cookie to be happy”, Shane says, reaching to hold Brianna’s hand. “Ya’ve been havin’ a hell of a bad time losin’ this ladies, my bet goes for you to fight hand in hand for what ya’ found and want to build together.” He silently asks Sharon for a cigarette. I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen Shane Cracker smoking.

Mom sighs “just take care of my babies Kameron, this girls are a huge part of my life. I gave birth to Aquaria and I was there, holding Bob’s hand until Shane went with her to the labor room to deliver Brianna. Cracker’s children are mine tho.” A sweet smile spreads through my Mom’s face, and I hear Kameron saying thank you to her. Kameron was worried about my mom’s reaction, and knowing she’s supporting us means the world to her, so that means the world for me too.

“From what concerns to me, I have now one more daughter, Kameron Michaels.” Bob adds, smiing to her, with her bright white teeth on display, an image that had always been my favorite since I was a girl, because there’s nothing as sincere as one of Roberta Cracker’s smiles. “But same as Sharon, I will ask you for just one thing: please, take good care of our babies. They’re our little miracles, and we expect nothing but honesty and love for them.” The three of us visibly relax listening to her, that was all we needed and being sure that they are not against our decision is, for a fact, the best thing happening to us. Now we have a starting point.

“Now come’re ladies, I wanna hug my daughters!” The warmth of Shane’s embrace surround us, and he’s quickly joined by Bob, Mom and Momma. We are a family, an eccentric big loud one.

Not long after that, we’re talking about our plans, and the things we have decided. They listen to us, sometimes Mom made suggestions, and Bob asked some questions we haven’t considered yet. Brianna and Kameron answer giving no room for them to doubt, and Shane just laughs at the madness of listening to a big part of the women of his life bantering.

Later that night, we go back to the house in Syracuse, and the three of us fall exhausted on bed. “It wasn’t as bad as I expected”, Kameron says out of the blue. “I mean, I was ready for a war and it ended being just the most soothing moment I’ve had in a long time.”

“I was fearing my mom’s reaction, she worries about my siblings and I as if we still were troubled teenagers without an idea of the world”, Bri says blushing from embarrassment. “Still I think that having their blessing makes me feel at ease, you know how much my family means to me… what our family means to me.”

I lift my head in one arm to look at the both of them, a warm feeling spreading through my chest. “it feels good, you know?” I say, resting my other hand on the covers. “I like how it sounds, that ‘our family’ thing, I could get used to that.” We all laugh, and then manage to cuddle together until we all are fast asleep.

Ain’t much that’s mine, but these boots and this time

Maybe I’ll take you right out of here

Baby, I’ll take you right out of here

I’m a prize fight lover, soul auctioneer

[thanidiel]

Inferno

The pain is good. It means she hurt the Wildfire more than the Wildfire hurt her. If she wasn’t hurting, wasn’t feeling how heavy her bones were - that would be bad. Would mean that, at any moment, she could just collapse and bleed out.

There’s a roiling flush of heat in her gut, her head. It’s like her blood has been replaced with hot magma, like coals are sitting in her belly. When was the last time she stirred that blistering wrath in her like this? Every throb of pain through her body is a throb of fire.

That’s good too. She can feel the saturation of blood sinking into her gambeson increase, clinging to her skin with wet weight. Despite that, feeling is good. Being able to move as freely as she does is good; no severed muscle.

She wished the rest of them farewell once they all settled from the climatic end of the spar. After that, it’s hauling ass through the Dawnspire grounds. She wants to get the fuck out of there.

She feels suffocated. Ithanar doesn’t have to know that part.

There’s so many people surrounding the perimeter of the pavilion.

Harthen is there.

Of course he is. He wanted to see her fight someone her of her own mettle for once. Well, now he knows just who he has to impress. Fuck. He’s breaking from the crowd. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone else.

Before a word can escape that yapping maw of his, she’s planted the length of one arm against his chest. There is a hiss of pain, derived from the way shorn metal rivets dig into her opened flesh. She can see the blood seep into the cotton of his tunic. Clenched teeth pry apart and there’s this almost unfamiliar slurred growl that comes out,

“Get th’fuck out of m’face.”

Down Harthen goes with a shove. And onward Thanidiel presses. To the Infirmary. Get everything washed and stitched. Demon talons? Far from sanitary. She calls for Lirelle Dawnbrook. That’s a medic she remembers - from the Sunspear gathering. It’s the early afternoon, Silversword is too industrious to not be preoccupied right now. Bri? Sleeping, probably.

Sensory memory replays itself over and over and over again. Rolling waves without lull of the way she felt something once sturdy give under the weight of her boot. The cacophony of shrieks, flurry of wings, rapid fracture quaking through bone. The buzzing quiet of Victory that settles after like snow blanketing the field after skirmish.

There is this sense of searing triumph that wipes away everything else in the blinding white of its ferocity. She thinks back to the Knight-Commander and Knight-Lieutenant. They had asked of the Sunspears to fight, and to learn.

What did she derive from that frightful combat? Nothing new, if she were being honest.

But she was reawakened.

It has been so long since she has fought as so; years have been spent under the restrictions of her assignment as Instructor for the Order. When was the last time she had struck with intention to end a fight? Sparked more than just embers from that shard of stolen Light?

This is her kind of speed, to adopt Ithanar’s kind of vocabulary. She feels… unleashed. A wildfire allowed to consume, a hound unmuzzled, a sword turned onto its edge. This control, this restraint, this limitation - it’s all falling away from her. It is as though summer has dawned and antlers, so gloriously donned in blood and velvet, have broken towards the sky.

This is her kind of speed, and she wants more of it.

No longer shall she hold back. If the Guard thought of her as vicious already, they would learn the true meaning of the word next they took to combat.

What they had witnessed beforehand of her was merely embers. She would return to them as a blaze, an inferno.

And the Wildfire? Thanidiel had her taste and knew it not to be whole. She would coax similar heights from that woman.

----Ah, here, the Infirmary. 

The Blood Knight breaks out of her clouding thought and plants her bleeding body against the pillar. Awaiting that worried Dawnmender.

What is everyone else so worried about?

(( @curiouslich @sakialyn @azriah and @captainswingbeard @jessipalooza @retributionpriest @tyleril-silversword for mentions! ))

[delonixregiadiary]

[Hello Again Bandung dan Nangor]

27-28 April 2019

Lewat foto2 ini aku bercerita mengingat kembali kisah yanh mungkin suatu saat akan jadi hal yang indah dikenang bersama keluarga kita

Senang bisa bertemu dengan mu lagi di Masjid Salman tanggal 27, setelah kamu tes IELTS, pergi bersama ke UIN nemenin akuu maafin ya lama tapi aku suka caramu mengatur waktu... "Sha udah jam 17.30, takut nanti macet dan terlambat ke al lathief" yap kita rencana mau kajian sama ust. salim di al lathief... Aku pun sama dame berangkat ke al lathief dan sesampainya disana aku memisahkan diri pamitan krn bakal bareng enka ke nangor...

Setelah selesai kajian aku pun dan enka ke nangor...

Besok paginya kamu dateng dengan bis damri dan kita makan di soto bri yuuum!!! kangen parah soto-soto nangor tu huhu :')

setelah itu lagi lagi kamu nemenin aku buat ke gku dan nungguin sampe kita akhirnya pulang bareng..

aku tau kamu mungkin udh capek dan lelah, tapi hebatnya kamu ga pernah nunjukin itu ke aku... bagaimana bisa?

aku suka caramu tegas terhadap waktu, sha kita harus segera, sha udah jam segini... itulah sosok yang aku butuhkan...

adam, maaf ya aku ngerepotin kamu 2 hari kemarin.. tapi aku bersyukur Alhamdulillah aku masih diberi kesempatan sama Allah bertemu kamu sebelum puasa..

dan dari semua pilihan dan kesempatan, sampai saat ini belum ada yg bisa se dabest kamu...

kamu tak tergantikan :')

semoga Allah memberikan jalan yg terbaik kelak...

Ana Uhibuka Fillah,

AKW

Samarinda, 29 April 2019

00.34

[artificialqueens]

Objects in the Rear View Mirror (Craquameron) - Chapter Eight - Saiphl

I’ve come to know the rules and laws and scriptures of love - Chapter Eight

Brianna’s POV

Oh, I don’t know where I ever lost love

Or where to go now to get it back

And then… I run, like every time I feel trapped and I need to think, or at least, give my head a break. By the time I reach home, I want to throw myself head down the toilet and ask Lester to flush it.

What in the whole world I was thinking? Ok, in my defense, I wasn’t even thinking.

Why did I kiss Kameron? Well… that one is easy, just because it always feels right to kiss Kameron, and I missed her lips so damn much!

Why did I kiss Aquaria? That one will never be easy, because whenever I kiss her, I use to forget why did I do it in first place. This is exactly the perfect example of that kind of situation.

Did I wanted to run away? Hmmm… yes and no. Yes, because those kisses will make everything even more complicated. No, because I’m so tired of running away from myself and what I feel.

I lit a cigarette, and it helps to get me back from the break down. Staring blankly at the Needles’ house, I can see Sharon, Alaska, Nebraska and a tall guy that’s holding her hand and… Who in the fuck is the tall guy? What am I missing? Why I can’t understand anything?

My head pounds and my cigarette starts tasting like ashtray, I step on the buttock, take it from the floor and go inside the house when Alaska and everyone else is leaving in her SUV. I wonder how long will it take to Aquaria coming back home. A really egocentric and bratty part of me wished they went after me, but then I remembered that it’s Kameron who we are talking about, she might be dying to go after you if you’re in distress, but she will always respect the line if you ask for space.

I get a glass of water, I didn’t realize how dehydred I was until I drink the first and then two more. Friendly Reminder: do not drink a full bottle of wine when you’ll have to be out in the summer sun at ungodly hours the next morning. Lester comes yapping by my side, I pick up the puppy and distractedly scratch his ears. The house is extremely quiet, which means Mom and Dad are not here, so I go upstairs and throw myself on the bed, placing the puppy on my belly.

Gimme some fables and proverbs

You gotta gimme some signs where to go

Before I could even notice, I fall asleep, the dog snoring lightly by my side. The rough feeling of a stubble and a jumping puppy awake me, I open my eyes to find Jamin’s face, he smiles at me and sits on the bed side, giving me chance to sit. “Dad asked me to come and check on you, he was worried that you took so long to come back from the High School”, he says, giving me a soft smile. “Did you catch up with your classmates?” He mocks, and I just half smile.

“What happens little sister? You can come and tell me anything. The fact that I don’t live here anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not here for you blondie.” Jamin had always been the guardian angel for Monet, Monique and myself, being the older sibling and the only boy gave him a total different perspective, as far as the ones getting in trouble all the time were the twins and little Bri. I hug my brother as tight as I can and he holds me silently, caressing my hair to soothe me.

After a -very long- moment, I break the embrace and look at my brother’s blue eyes, he looks worried now, but keeping it cool. “I actually was with Aquaria and Kameron”, trying to sound casual, i look at him, who’s staring back with eyes wide open. “That’s why I came back so late, we like… had a lot to talk about and…”

“And you ran away, ‘cause if you haven’t done that, you should have come home with Aquaria, who’s just getting back”, he says, helping me to look at Aquaria getting off the car and going inside the house.  I can’t help shivering, and Jamin hold both my hands. “Come on Bri, breathe, do not stop breathing” he says in a soft voice. “Come on blondie, you can do this, you can’t keep having panic attacks about her”, one of his hands leave mine, and  cups one of my cheeks.

Everything I’ve ever dreamed of

Has begun to fade to black

I follow the rhythm of his breathings and a couple of minutes later I’m ready to speak again. “Jamin, I screwed it… like totally screwed it. I kissed Kameron”, he looks at me, puzzled, and before he can tell anything I add:  “then I kissed Aquaria too… and then I just ran away, from them, and from all what I feel, I’m a mess Jamin, a total mess.” Burying my face on his chest, I can feel his hands going through my hair and my back.

Jamin looks at me for what feels like hours, then he holds both my hands. “So, first of all, was it good?”, he asks, arching his brow with a half serious, half mocking expression. I sigh loudly, and nod emphatically. He smiles and pat my right hand, “then the trouble here is you liked it too much… with both of them?” I nod again, this time turning my head to the window and straight to Aquaria’s house. “Little sister, if this were another kind of situation, or if I knew that you don’t care about them, I’d say take both of them, but even if you’re up to, you’ll need to make a decision. One that may hurt the three of you, you know?”

“You think I don’t know that? I’ve spent so many years mourning both losses, dammit!” I sincerely spit to my brother. “But I don’t know what to do Jamin, my whole being wants to find Kameron and be with her, to run opposite from Aquaria…” Jamin scratches his jaw, and take a deep breathe.

“But you still love her isn’t it? like, having her face to face brought back all that you were trying so hard to forget.” Sometimes I hate how both the men in my family know me so well. “Listen Bri, I don’t have an answer for everything, I wish I would, but I don’t. The best advice I can give you, is: if you want one of them, then don’t run away, fear leads to emptiness, and you’re way too full of life to let your sparkle die.”

I hug my brother, so tight that my arms and my chest hurt. He patiently holds me until I finally sigh and get apart from him. “Thank you Benny, you’re always the best big brother that a little blonde could have.” He gives me that look of ‘I’ll kill you if you call me Benny ever again’, and scrubs a tear from my cheek.

“Blondie… you look like you fell on the face of a sad clown, why don’t you go and clean your face, and then we go for meal?”, he asks, casually, I briefly laugh and stand from the bed. “Go and get ready, I’ll feed Lester while you’re done.” I nod going to the bathroom just to hear him say “and don’t you dare to call me Benny ever again!” We both laugh and i close the door while he goes downstairs to feed the puppy.

Gimme some words I can live by

Gimme commandments to know

I look at my reflection in the mirror, Jamin’s description is really accurate. I have deep black circles around my eyes, and my lips are barely contoured, lacking of color on the inside; my hair is tangled and I basically look like if a wrecking ball just hit me. I clean the remnants of makeup and start redoing it, once I see color on my skin, I feel a little better.

Going back to the facts of this morning, I’m neatly sure that I screwed everything in the worst possible way. First of all, I shouldn’t have kissed Kameron, it was me who left her and never tried to reach her when I came back from France. Then, I shouldn’t have kissed Aquaria, even if it felt so damned good; it was exposing me to keep falling for her, and I just can’t afford that kind of risk. The hardest part of all these, is that Jamin is right, I still love them… both of them and it makes things unbearably complicated.

“Blondie! I’m starving, could you please hurry up?” Jamin calls from downstairs, making the puppy yap with him. I brush my hair and tie it with a ribbon, then I go back to the room and I rummage through my case to find something more comfortable to go out.

After changing my clothes I look through the window, and I can see Aquaria’s getting dressed, her hair is damp and she’s wearing just a set of undies. My mouth dries at the sight of her body. I shake my head and leave my room. Even when I’d kill to kiss every inch of her skin and eat her out until she screams my name in bliss, I don’t need that kind of ideas sneaking through my mind when I need to think clearly.

There are designated angels who just might save your soul, no!

They give me words to live by, and that’s all that I know.