#bpd stuff ig | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kienansidhe · 10 months ago

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its so stupid how like. if someone tells you theyre upset with you like obvis oh theres smth wrong we can talk abt that. there isnt rlly a question of whether theyre lying to you. but if someone says theyre not mad and you havent done anything wrong theres absolutely nothing they can do to prove it if your brain has already been trained to believe ppl are lying to you and actually hate you. you just have to trust them. and if your trust has been shattered over and over its SO hard to learn to trust again.

so you just have to grit your teeth and try not to ask for reassurance so often you annoy ppl but also you have to ask for reassurance sometimes in order to give them the chance to confirm theyre not mad at you in order to continue fighting the voice that is already deciding they hate you. you have to give your loved ones the chance to speak for themselves and say they love you instead of just letting your brain decide they hate you, but if you do it too often they might get annoyed (and then what if they lie to you abt not being annoyed!). you have to just accept and trust and not let your fear control you.

but its so fucked up that ppl hating you is so much easier to prove than ppl actually loving you. its so fucked up that logic works that way. disproving is easy, proof is always in question. i hate that.

#headspace #negative #bpd stuff ig #mental illness #abandonment trauma woooooo

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gh0sting-along · 11 months ago

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welcome back to another episode of "is this a trait i actually have or is this a trait i molded into myself so that people like me more and i actually have no real personality or identity and everything i've ever done is just to appease others, my identity is so shaky it's almost nonexistent, all that i am are the people i surround myself with which is why i'm so dependent on them so i can actually feel something because otherwise i'm just a hollow shell of a person"!

#bpd #actually bpd #bpd mood #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #bpd stuff #bpd vent #actually borderline #bpd feels #actually mentally ill #happy holidays ig

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adultstuff0 · 13 days ago

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people genuinely don't understand how bad attachment issues are for people with BPD like you told me that you love me and now you're trying to get away from me??????

so close! but that's not happening because i'll just keep coming back!

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eddies-spaghetti · 8 months ago

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can someone please explain to me why i perceive people not liking bnha (or if they stop liking it.. or even if i feel like they don’t like it anymore) as abandonment?? /gen. like it makes no sense.. why does it make me feel so shitty??

#bee rants about stupid stuff ig #bpd #actually bpd #bpd vent #autistic #actually autistic #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero #boku no hero academia

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virtualscars · 1 month ago

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Sometimes I get scared he hates me or talks shit about me. I dont know why.

I dont want to lose him.

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cr33p-a-z01d · 8 days ago

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im either super angry or super sad or just blegh and there has never been a day where I haven't felt like that

#I get excited and it just goes away #idk how to describe it #I get excited or happy about stuff but one day my brain just decides it doesn't matter and I'm not excited about it anymore #I'm only happy for small bits of time #idk #bpd is kicking my ass #ryan experiences the horrors #it feels like I can never have anything good #ig is what I'm trying to say

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maxthesillyy · 1 year ago

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b4 i go to sleep i have a quetsion

#i def should have made this when i was more awake so i couldve made it more. like better ig 💀#i kind of forgot somehow that bpd chloe wasnt implied. im just so used to it i Forgor #just double clarifing for everybody sho doesnt have the timestamps on. i made this at ONE AM while i was half alseep #i would put other stuff other than adhd autism and neurotypical but that is what the Other choice is for :p #i will be genuinely surprised someone votes on max being neurotypical #i have to look away from the poll to stop trying t make it pretty/organized #anyways for me personally i say either choice 1 or choice 3 #so technically choice 9 #anyways #lis #life is strange #poll #max caulfield #chloe price #headcanons #hcs #i’ll probably add more tags tmmr

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destiny-in-the-universe · 6 months ago

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Well. This is kind of embarrassing and I’m struggling just to write this but it seems I’ve hit a block on things I want to write- it feels genuinely like I’m about to crash into the deepest icy waters that exist, and I’ve honestly my mental limit this week and it’s only a damn tuesday; feels like I am not all here atm, and I just don’t know if I can carry out any ideas or plans right now

You might still see me reblogging and posting smaller content for a few days- or it’ll go away tomorrow, but fuck I just feel not myself?

I’m deeply sorry, it’s either burn-out or I’m just drained and need a bit to recover, ‘m not going anywhere. I will be back, I’m just… tired is all

~ Mod Danny (🐾) / Co-Front: Rivaille, Ray, Saiki

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loudcycletaco · 1 year ago

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Getting your heart broken by your best friend is a whole other level of pain

#my best friend broke my heart #mentally unstable #mentally fucked #imma kms #im gonna cry #bpd #im exhausted #tw depressing stuff #heart broken #not my bestie anymore ig

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olli-online · 1 year ago

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#yeahim back to venting cause sat on my bed trying not to chew on my own hand out of sheer emotion ks a bit too much #dude cptsd and bpd is such a fucking deadly combo thinking abt the post i reblogged abt how u should cap out on diagnosis #theyreboth hell but together ohhhhhhh im losing my damn mjnd #idk how much random stream clips can do as a distraction yall do i need to bust out the subway surfer kinetic sand videos oh lord #i had stuff i wantedto do today but i cant even focus on my own breathing 🧍 rip ig

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stonedcritter · 8 months ago

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It really is..

Wanting someone 2 love you like you love them when you have bpd is so shattering

#esp if your poly bro like its so stressful like u want attention from one person that u barly talk to bc they live w there other partner/#my other gf like it js feels like they care more 4 them #i know its online and all and its hard but it lowkey ain't that hard but what do i know hm?#bpd vent #vent blog #like i js want attention and for them to hang out w me too...#but im js not it ig...#like w me and ny bf we don't have to talk everyday but i at least want them to talk to me..ig im js boring..#i know they got stuff going on too but like i wanna be there 4 them and give them that comfort cuz im there partner too...#idk we are rlly distent and im starting to lose it #there are some other things they did that kinda bugged me for no reason but eh..

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wine-and-madness · 5 months ago

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I still yearn.

I still long for things I have no access to, I still long for my god, I fear he is distant.

He is the god of mental health, too. He is the god of taking your meds. I know this.

I cannot help missing the all-consuming rush of emotions unbridled, mind spinning, vision tunneled, hands buzzing with glorious tension. Excitement, ecstacy, blinding rage, all intense, all burning.

We never talk about how it feels good. We are already judged enough as it is.

It's better this way, I know. It's better calm, feeling reasonable amounts at a time, not hurting myself, not hurting those around me.

I fear I have lost his madness with the rest.

It is better this way, I know.

Maybe now, I can find purely Dionysus, instead of the hateful creations of my own mind.

#dionysus #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd #im on welbutrin for my adhd and a very unexpected side effect was calming my emotions and making my dbt way more effective #ig therapy works better when you can focus and remember stuff lol #i used to get so hyper id literally be bouncing and so filled with rage my vision somehow did seem white and blinded #id also get fear so intense and hurt shame sadness so intense that it felt like the world was ending #actually fucking ending #it's not a fun thing #except that it is sometimes. the excitement especially #and bpd is already so stigmatized that even if others experience any of this id be shocked if they said so? idk #anyway one of the things ive read that stuck with me was about proving godly possession is a process of elimination #including going to mental health experts #AND your own personal religious leaders #so if i wanted to induce that intentionally i had to get treated first right? logically?#at the very least now it'll be way easier to tell if it's dionysus or just bpd #i felt called to write this so here it is

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celestialmancer · 7 months ago

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bites my cage

#i have been in this weird emotional parkour today & also. weirdly energized yet also struggling to do things like girl pick a struggle @ me #by emotional parkour i mean one second im fixating on one thing that has me distressed then in 0.5 seconds i suddenly switch to somethn jus #completely fucking unrelated sudden 180 in my emotional state to where im excitable & happy & whatever #& then suddenly make a 90 degree turn & then im furious over something. & then suddenly another turn & im in Anxiety Hell #& then suddenly everything at once or nothing entirely just completely numb. all this in the span of less than a few hrs or less than an hr #Its the BPD experience (tm) /lh no but seriously its just one of those. weird ass days ig.#also weird vulnerability hours??? ??? ??? idk somethn like that #vulnerability sentimental bullshit stuff under the surface that im not voicing bc my ass gets easily embarrassed ig sometimes #idk maybe if my filters drop more i'll say shit #i need to continue this one ramble though..........#also the day started out weird bc i had Sleep Paralysis from Hell hit me real hard & its. it was a. really fucked up sleep paralysis episod #...i saw her again. that one thing i usually see in my episodes that tries to do heinous shit to me ? yeah #i did manage to get naps later tho to make up for the lost sleep bc when i get sleep paralysis i. tend to avoid sleeping for a while sdlkfj

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irl · 8 months ago

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man :(( the bugs n my brain r gettn real nasty n i think theyre immune to raid

#txt #i bn feelin so shitty 4 a while #n i dnt kno wht 2 do w alla tht #im jus holdin alla th shit n my hands n lookn #i gotta keep up appearances as wahoo fun goofy guy #but undrneath alla th clown make up?????#is sad clown make up 😔😔😔😔#like i hve so mny intrusivr social thghts rn tht r soooo driven by my bpd its insane #n i recognize its prolly jus bpd stuff #it doesnt mke it hurt ny less #n my heart feels lik its bn shattrng #n idk wht 2 do #idk if i hve enough tape 4 alla th pieces ykno?#its alla th same stuff on repeat tht i bn dealin w 4 fckn 4evr #not good enough replaceable unimportant etc #mkes me wnna jus crawl n2 a hole n nevr tlk 2 ppl agn #URRRGHHHHH #i want this slump 2 end but idk how 2 mke it end #i jus hve 2 keep myslf distrctd ig

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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago

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tbh probably a good thing tumblr freaked iut when i tried to post the post i just wrote bc i think i spiralled a lot in the tags

#the gist of it is im oretty sure i have bod ik everybidy is unstable after a bad breakup but. the way im reacting and rhe way in thinking #abt mysekf and the way i avted and thiught abt myself while in the relationship #and in the relationships (nonromantic) b4 that . matches up a lot with the stuff ive read abt in my bod research #and id rly like to discuss this with a therapist bc i clearly. cant work this out on my own. bc ive been trying to do thta for 3 months and #im more disconnected from like. my sense of personhood now than i was then #my identity disconnect has never been like. Stronger. than it is now..to the loint saying my and i feels like a lie because indont feel #like im an i i feel like im. idt. i fele like a concept i feel like everything is fiction and unreal. and its like. it doesnt make me upset #ig it just kakes me. so disconnected . and i dont want to be disconnected idt . idk #so i wann talk abt it with a therapist but i rly rly rly need a therapisr who can work with bpd patientseven if i dont end up having it i l #think the like. experience overlaps so much so im like. i think even if i dont itd be Incredibly helpful to borrow some of the strategies #yk. but im like. during my Research ive learned that a lot of therapists literally refuse to work with bpd patients . and mock their #colleagues who do . which 1. Thats disgusting 2. thats dunb as shit 3. thats terrifying so i hesitate to work with any therapist who says #anything kess than I have experience working with bpd patients i am well trained wirking with bpd patients. ykwim. but i can legit only #find fucking. 1. and shes out of network so its 150 per visit #abd ideally id do weekly visits but thats 300 per check 💀 and i am not making that much and once i get the apt itll be like. Bad bad.#finances wise. i could do biweekly but its still like aughghhh.

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hovkinnie · 2 years ago

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ngl i feel kinda bad ab this username and my first few posts being honkai now that im falling off so hard right when we're entering the final arc but god help me i cannot focus on that game for more than 5 minutes anymore

#the dopamine goes where it goes ig but it's sad #i've fallen off twice already but this time i lasted so much less than last time #i didn't even hate er like some folks i actually rlly like elysia and eden we stan a bpd queen and her depressed wife #but the transition into project ligma is like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #vent #idk if this is rlly a vent im just tagging it in case ppl have that filter cause they don't wanna see vaguely bummed out posts #cause i feel that #and i don't wanna tag honkai cause i don't want ppl to just stumble on bummer stuff searching for fanart and whatnot

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