#both have emotional baggage okay?

[timdrakesbussy]

dare i say

(gif credit to the talented @pixelatedfarmhouse )

[dunmesh]

okay i don't have anything smart to add i just genuinely love that these seemingly trivial jokes are actually an important part of his character. we see it throughout the entire manga, how he pushes aside his own frustration and discomfort to accommodate everyone else's and avoid needless confrontation- another example off the top of my head would be the barometz chapter in which he slowly gets frustrated with izutsumi but still tries his best to talk some sense into her calmly and soundly.

and in contrast, there are very few times he expresses his anger and hurt towards others, and it usually takes a lot for him to finally lose his patience and control.

i mean, even with kabru he tried to be polite despite the circumstances until the guy said the one thing that triggers an immense sense of shame, hurt and rage in laios. and you know, the manga does say it quite clearly early on. when we are introduced to namari and then to shuro, laios acts all friendly and shows his respect and trust in them despite how things ended between them, and everyone else gets frustrated with him for acting so strange- why are you the one who tries so hard to pacify the rest when you should be the angriest?

and they don't understand him. they don't know him well enough to be able to understand, but we as readers get to see during the manga that they aren't wrong to question him- he does, in fact, feel all those ugly emotions. and it's when the winged lion finally confronts him that we see to what extent these feelings he buried so deep go, and suddenly all those funny little moments where he sometimes pretends to be mr nice guy speak volumes about his character. honestly, ryoko kui is a master at using jokes in order to define important character traits and this one doesn't fail to amaze me.

and laios's hatred and rage and deep scars he can't get over aren't shown explicitly during most of these moments i mentioned before, but now you realize there are 26 years of emotional baggage to all of them and they sting. he is angry but he can't say shit, what difference would it make? it won't make his friends choose him instead of themselves when he needed them most, and it won't help his party get any farther. of course, this logic doesn't apply to them- they are absolutely allowed to get angry and it's fine to get mad at him, he can take that.

so after finishing the series it's so clear that he tries his best to avoid clashing with others not just due to the current circumstances and him needing to be a reliable leader but also because he knows that people don't even like him when he tries to show his good sides and hide all the rest, so who the hell would tolerate his rage and despair? who would stay after realizing that he is so deeply flawed he doesn't even like his own being?

but he does get mad. he can't help it, and sometimes it gets out of control and now everyone knows. and it's funny, isn't it? that most of those moments ended up bringing him closer to others. shuro admitting he is envy of him and actually becoming the friend laios thought he was all along, fighting for his sake and waiting for him to come back- believing in him even after he turned into a monster and searching for him the way he couldn't bring himself to do for falin when he learned of what became of her- or kabru being pushed to just let it all out because he couldn't bluff his way out of this one and get to laios any other way, so now they are even. they are both horribly honest with each other and they both choose to stay. a weird way of getting to know each other, but it is what it is.

it's simply... the more laios let himself just be, the deeper his relationships grew. and there's intimacy in being your ugly, weak and furious self around someone and them not leaving you. feeling safe enough to let it be known you are hurt and angry. and he knows that now, too.

[plutonianeris]

mars in synastry

“promise me you wont regret me like the tattoos on my skin”

Mars in the 1st house

Okay, we know this placement can be hot as fuck. When someone’s Mars lands in your 1st house, there’s an instant physical attraction—it’s like they can’t help but notice you. And honestly, you probably feel it too. They might push you to be more confident or take action, which can feel pretty exciting. Romantically, there’s chemistry here for sure, but it can also get intense. They might come on strong, and while that can be thrilling at first, it might feel like they’re always “on” around you. Basically, it’s like that person who keeps finding ways to touch your arm while talking to you (it’s cute, but there’s no ignoring it).

Mars in the 2nd house

This one brings the heat to your sense of security and values. When Mars is in your 2nd house, the Mars person could make you feel like you need to go after what you want…whether it’s in love, money, or stability. In a romantic sense, they might encourage you to feel more confident in what you bring to the table, or there might be some tension over how you both approach things like money and possessions. It can be sexy in that “we’re building something together” kind of way, but if not aligned, it might turn into a debate over who’s paying for dinner. Romance here might look like feeling secure together, but it’s also about who’s got control of the resources.

Mars in the 3rd house

When Mars shows up in your 3rd house, there’s a lot of talking, texting, and flirting..This is because communication is key here. You two probably have that vibe where you challenge each other in conversation, and that banter can be really attractive. There’s a mental connection that keeps things interesting. Romantically, this can make for some spicy debates and flirty teasing. But, on the flip side, they might sometimes come off as a little too argumentative or opinionated. Think of it as the couple that loves to debate random stuff over dinner but can laugh about it later.

Mars in the 4th house

This one goes deep. Mars in your 4th house means the Mars person is stirring up your emotional identity… its all about your sense of home and security. In a relationship, this can feel intimate and passionate, like they’re pushing you to be more vulnerable or open up emotionally. They might motivate you to make moves on the home front, like making your space more comfortable or secure. Romantically, it can feel like they’re hitting you right in the feels, for better or worse. The connection here is super personal, and they might bring up feelings or issues you didn’t even know were still there. It can be deeply romantic if you’re ready to dive into that emotional space, but if not, it might feel like they’re a little too close to your personal baggage.

Mars in the 5th house

Alright, this is one of my favorites. The 5th house is all about creativity, fun, and romance, so when someone’s Mars lands here, there’s a playful, flirty energy. Think: date nights that turn into spontaneous adventures. The Mars person will likely bring out your inner child! its lots of laughter, teasing, and showing off to impress one another. Romantically, there’s definitely chemistry, and the attraction can feel like fireworks. The only thing to watch out for is if things get too competitive. Like, who’s planning the next date, or who’s trying harder to be the “fun” one in the relationship. But overall, this is where romance feels exciting and alive.

Mars in the 6th house

Okay, this is where things get a bit more practical, but it can still be romantic in a different way. The 6th house rules day-to-day life, routines, and work. So, when someone’s Mars is in your 6th house, they might push you to get your life together (or at least organize your room and eat that healthy meal). They could inspire you to be more productive, which can be great, but they might also come across as a little bossy. Romantically, it’s less about grand gestures and more about showing up for each other in the little things. Like, they’ll help you run errands or motivate you to hit the gym. It’s the “let’s build a life together” vibe, which can be super grounding. Just make sure it doesn’t turn into one of you feeling like the other’s personal assistant.

Mars in the 7th house

This is big for relationships. The 7th house is all about partnerships, so when someone’s Mars lands here, they’re bringing a lot of passion to the connection. You’re going to feel their drive to be in a relationship with you, and they might be the one pushing for more commitment or taking things to the next level. Romantically, this placement can feel like they’re pulling you closer, making you feel seen and desired. But because Mars is also about action and sometimes conflict, there could be moments where the passion turns into tension. Like, “Are we fighting or flirting right now?” vibes. Still, this placement can definitely amp up the romantic energy between you two. With unrequited love, the house person could feel uncomfortable or feel like they’re being “chased” by the mars person.

Mars in the 8th house

This one’s intense and honestly there is no way around it. The 8th house rules intimacy, shared resources, and deep transformation, so Mars here brings a magnetic pull. There’s definitely a lot of chemistry and physical attraction, but it’s more than just surface-level. The Mars person might push you to confront things you’ve kept hidden or make you feel vulnerable in a way that’s both exciting and a little scary. Romantically, this can lead to deep emotional (and physical) connection, but it also might stir up control issues or jealousy. It’s like, “We’re either all in or we’re not doing this at all.” If you’re down for intensity, this can be a transformative relationship. But yeah, expect it to be passionate and a little wild at times.

Mars in the 9th house

When someone’s Mars is in your 9th house, they’re probably making you think bigger and pushing you out of your comfort zone. The 9th house is all about adventure, travel, and expanding your mind, so romantically, this feels like they’re encouraging you to explore new things (whether it’s ideas, places, or experiences). You two might bond over shared beliefs or a mutual love for adventure. Romantically, this can feel like the kind of relationship where you’re always learning something new from each other. It’s spontaneous, fun, and full of energy. Just be mindful if you both get too caught up in the “bigger picture” and forget about the day-to-day connection. It’s a whirlwind romance, for sure.

Mars in the 10th house

Here’s where things get a little more public. The 10th house rules career, status, and public life, so when Mars lands here, there’s a focus on ambition. The Mars person might push you toward your career goals or make you feel like you need to step up your game. Romantically, this could feel like you’re that power couple.. its where people see you and think, “They’ve got their shit together.” There’s a mutual drive to succeed, but the downside is, it might feel like the relationship is more focused on achieving things rather than just enjoying each other’s company. It’s great for building something solid together, but just make sure you’re both not too focused on the hustle.

Mars in the 11th house

This one’s all about friendship and shared ideals. The 11th house rules social circles and big-picture dreams, so Mars here makes the connection feel like you’re not just lovers, but also best friends. The Mars person might inspire you to chase your goals or get involved in something bigger than yourselves (whether that’s a shared hobby or a cause you both care about). Romantically, this placement brings a laid-back, “we’re in this together” vibe. It’s the type of relationship where you can hang out as a couple but also be comfortable in group settings. The only potential downside is if one of you is more focused on the social side of things and the other wants more alone time. But overall, it’s a great mix of friendship and romance.

Mars in the 12th house

Okay, this one can be a bit tricky. The 12th house is all about the unconscious, hidden things, and spirituality. When Mars lands here, the attraction might not be obvious at first (it could feel more like a subtle, behind-the-scenes kind of pull). There’s a lot of mystery in this placement, and the Mars person might stir up things you didn’t even know you were feeling. Romantically, it can be super intimate, but in a quiet way, like you two just get each other without needing to say much. But, the downside is, it can also bring up hidden fears or insecurities. It’s a relationship that feels like it’s operating on a deeper level, which can be magical if you’re both on the same page, but confusing if you’re not. It’s all about trusting the connection without needing everything out in the open.

[lottiies]

SHARED MY BODY AND MY MIND WITH YOU

→ Leon broke up with you because of his emotional baggage, not wanting to drag you down into his trauma-induced misery. He didn’t usually date out of his line of work anyway, he hated himself for involving himself with someone so innocent. But when he gets a voicemail at an awfully late hour and listens to it, he nearly broke driving laws to get to your place. He still loves you, that much is certain. Your body and mind are like a second nature to him

CW: MDNI, fem!reader, pwp, one sided breakup, angst, description of leon’s self guilt and sabotage, heavy mentions of marriage, centered around Leon rather than the reader, reconciliation, lovemaking–gentle sex, crying, very small religious snippet, he eats you out, unprotected p in v, implied aftercare + implication of a better future

WC: 5.3k

Note: i think…this is my favorite fic that i’ve ever written. breaking my pink blog theme with this and actually capitalizing letters um…i had to set the tone okay. i actually started working on this in january to cope with some things, but i didn’t make much progress until recently!! the title’s a lyric from the song ‘cruel world’

BOT VERSION HERE MASTERLIST

Leon has a rule: never get emotionally involved with anyone who isn’t in his line of work. The reason behind that is self-explanatory. It's too difficult to accomplish. All his baggage holds him down, and he’s always away for long periods at a time and then returns back with body aches all over and has to hibernate for a while. What does he truly have to offer?

He did it anyway.

You managed to romance him, granting him a fleeting glimpse of happiness and a chance at self-love. Lingering caresses, meaningful eye contact, soulful conversations, an audience to his jokes, the key to your heart — you gave him everything.

Breaking up with you was painful, the second it was all said and done and you were out of his sight, he broke down crying. That was what he deserved, that’s what his mind told him.

It was easy for Leon to disappear from your life, just as quick as the snap of his fingers. He was never around that much to begin with. Your efforts in reaching out to him were futile if he was halfway across the world dealing with another abrupt assignment, or if he fell back into the habit of nursing a drink in some run down bar without contacting a soul.

But no amount of alcohol could make him forget about you these days. The memories of you were too strong to be diluted.

“What about this one?” Curiosity had dripped from your question, your fingers gently feathered across the healed up scar on his left shoulder.

Leon was almost an open book when it came to you, he truly cherished honesty in any relationship, whether romantic or platonic. Guilt weighed on him for having to limit certain answers to only the surface details. It felt wrong; it felt like he was keeping secrets from you and keeping you in the dark. But it couldn’t be helped, not when you weren’t in the same line of work as him. Most of the contents of his work were confidential.

After all, at this point the two of you had only been dating for half a year. How could he burden your mind with the harsh realities of everything that wasn’t known by the general public?

The two of you were naked, tangled under the sheets. No sex or anything, simply getting familiar with each other’s bodies and exploring with gentle and cautious hands.

“1998, shot on duty.”

The memories were still fresh in his mind. People say that forgetting a traumatic event is common, people dissociate to cope and shield their brain. It was the opposite for Leon. All the screams plagued his mind like a damn mantra, no way in hell would he ever be able to forget anyone’s voice.

Either that, or his mind made up fantasies about what could’ve been between you both. Domestic bliss. Buying a house together. Shy talks about how many kids you guys wanted. The memories haunted him. He wanted it back.

He even bought a ring. A beautiful one that he was meant to display to you when he sunk onto one knee and popped the question that would hopefully bind the two of you for life. The one that he was supposed to fidget with whenever he held your hand as the two of you planned your wedding, whether it be simple, grand, or to elope.

He kept it safe even after he broke up with you, he couldn’t bear to throw it away because of the sliver of hope that maybe one day he’d still get the chance of putting it on your finger. He felt like a fool. Sometimes he opened the box up to reminisce. It tugged at his heartstrings when he saw how rough his own fingers were in comparison to the smooth metal, from his years of physical exhaustion and training. God, he wished your hands would never get all battered like his.

He thought about you so much that you were the star actress in his nightly dreams.

The worst ones were the nightmares, though. Like the one that had him turning in his sleep tonight.

It all replayed in his mind. Your facial expression when he broke up with you out of the blue — the way the smile on your face had faded into a frown, your glimmering eyes contorting into that of disheartened ones. The way you looked at him with such a concoction of emotions. The pitiful chuckle that escaped your lips along with a nervously spoken ‘what?’ Or maybe it was the prolonged silence afterwards that killed him. It felt like hours until he got a proper response from you, one that was drowned out by the drumming of his own heart and the pulse that formed in his ears.

Usually he got to the end of it, but tonight he was abruptly woken up by the sound of his phone ringing. A blessing in disguise, maybe. Regardless, he was a bit irritated, he had always been such a light sleeper.

“You’re kidding…” Leon let out a heavy sigh, trying to rub the sleep away from his eyes. He didn’t even want to answer, too tired to even think about the possibility of being called to the field. No way in hell did he want to be met with Hunnigan’s voice and some intel he didn’t feel like remembering.

He let the phone ring, and eventually, blissful silence filled the room again. If it was dire, he knew he’d get another call soon.

Instead, he heard his phone vibrate not long after. He muttered out a curse before reaching for his phone, seeing that a voicemail was left. He didn’t bother reading whose number it was. Christ, the message was 5:06 minutes long.

Whatever. He played it aloud, resting his forearm over his face as he listened in.

“Hey Leon, it’s me…”

Fuck.

He fully sat up on his bed, so quickly it could’ve given him whiplash.

“I miss you. Still think about you every day. I don’t know what I did wrong…you probably aren’t even listening to this. I just…I don’t know.” a sigh. “The clock hit 12 and um, well today’s the anniversary of the day you asked me out. Maybe you don’t remember. I think you do though, you were always good with dates.”

Leon knew the voice of a broken person when he heard it.

No. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to let you go and then you’d see how much life had to offer, how any other person could give you a better and more stable relationship.

How could you be hung up on a man like him?

It was instinctual. He shuffled out of bed, body reacting before his mind and reaching for a clean pair of clothes from his closet. He left the voicemail playing in the background, it filled his lonely house. His heart was racing so loudly he couldn’t even hear the sounds of the wind outside or the creak of the floor with every step. All he did was change and brush his teeth before he drove over to you.

Thankfully, the roads were empty and the highway was free of traffic or else surely he would’ve been pulled over.

Thinking rationally wasn’t necessary when it came to you, not when he just got punched in the gut with a load of nostalgia and gut wrenching heartbreak.

He has always been yours, even during the separation. His heart hammered within his ribcage when he pulled into your driveway, his body moving in a hurry out of his car and towards your door. No hesitation.

Knock, knock, knock.

Ten seconds felt like ten minutes, but eventually the door swung open.

Your pretty face filled the focus of his pupils, his expression softening. You looked like a deer in the headlights, gazing up at him with wide eyes.

Oh, my sweet girl. There she is.

His hands itched to reach for you, to hold you in his arms and spin you around, nuzzling his nose against yours like old times — like some romantic drama. He hadn’t watched one in a while, they reminded him too much of you. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

Leon's hair was messy. It was a sight you had seen many times: his bed hair. Those emotion carrying eyes of his were contrasted with the lifeless bags under them. He came over so damn quickly he hadn’t even taken the time to make himself look composed.

“Leon? What are you…” You couldn’t even finish your thoughts. You felt nothing yet so much at the same time, perhaps from the shock of it all. You brought two fingers to the pulse on your neck to make sure you were awake, and hadn’t somehow fallen asleep after your call and voicemail to him. The thundering pace of your pulse confirmed that you weren’t off in dream land.

“I got your voicemail,” He responded, sounding remorseful. “Had to make sure you were alright. Uh…can I come in?”

You continued staring at him like if he was some sort of supernatural being. If you reached your hand out to touch him, would he disappear? Or perhaps your limb would go straight through him as if he was transparent.

You snapped out of it and nodded. “Yeah, come on in.” Hesitation clouded your tone, not out of wariness but because you had no clue what the hell was going on. You hadn’t seen him in over a year, at least not in person, only through photos and videos you still had saved on your phone from when the two of you were dating (going through them was part of your nightly routine.)

“To be honest…I wasn’t expecting you to even hear my message.”

You stood there awkwardly as he entered, closing the door afterwards. Your apartment still smelled the same, a wave of comfort washed over him despite the circumstances, his eyes darting around at all your belongings. This was once his safe space, like his secret haven.

You sat on your couch, waving him over. Your legs felt like jelly, no way could you be standing for this. He followed, sitting on the couch cushion on the opposite side from you.

“My ringtone woke me up. I thought you were a coworker of mine at first but…I’m glad you weren’t.”

“Glad, really?”

“Yeah.” He gave no further context, at least for that minute.

Silence hung in the air, time became still. Either way, the shared glance between the two of you broke the tension, you were both thinking the same thing. Your minds were linked, seeking reconciliation, every circuit of neurons buzzing with your shared proximity.

He rested his elbows on his knees, running a hand through his hair, a nervous habit. Everything felt surreal, you couldn’t take your eyes off him, afraid he’d disappear.

“I’m…I’m sorry about the way I ended things.” There was a crack in his voice, he was so desperately clinging onto the ideology that he shouldn’t wear all his heart on his sleeve. He failed every time though, his words had wavered.

“I know.” You truly did.

“How?”

“Because I know you, Leon. It hurt, and I found myself wondering why you would just up and leave after what felt like such a meaningful time. But I didn't ever think you did it with mal intent.”

You should be demanding answers, hell, he could even take a few slaps to the face. Maybe his guilt ridden self preferred that to your sweet treatment. Did he even deserve to be met with your understanding? This self-pitying mindset he harbored is what had led to this in the first place.

“You’re right. I didn’t mean to hurt you, that’s the last thing I wanted to do.” Were his efforts in explaining himself getting across? “I thought it was better this way. I'm…broken.”

Trying to convince him that he isn’t ‘broken’ was futile, all you could do was beautify it instead. You scooted closer to him, clasping one of his hands between yours. “All you see are your faults, but I was seeing you entirely, not just for what you do in your job or the images that keep you up at night.”

His hands felt the same. Calloused in areas he couldn’t help like his knuckles and his palms, but well-kept in the nail department. He looked down at the physical contact, putting his other hand atop yours, his thumb grazing tenderly at your skin. Familiar territory.

“It’s hard not to.” He admitted, his eyes feeling glossy all of a sudden. “My job is my life, it drags into every other part of my life.”

“How did it drag into our relationship?”

He truly didn’t know how to answer that. The times he shared with you were the best experiences of his life. He finally got the chance to pull out his cardboard box full of romantic movies to watch with the lover he had been waiting for his whole life, you. Countless nights spent cooking together in your kitchen, full of laughter and playful bickering, and some harmless food fights. Grocery shopping together with laced fingers, just a sneak peek into domesticity. God, he yearned for its return.

“I don’t know. I constantly had to leave and got no vacation time either. Let’s see…I had to keep a lot of information confidential. It kinda screams ‘this’ll all make a girl run the other way.’”

How wrong he was, he ended up leaving before he could get abandoned, as if that would’ve happened, though, you never wanted him out of your life.

“That wasn’t true for me, Leon. I wanted to be with you. I just hope I wasn’t a burden on you.”

That hurt. A dull ache spread across his chest. He pulled you close, tucking you against his side.

“Don’t say that,” His instruction was soft spoken, his lips brushed against your cheek. You were never a burden, he always shut you out, thinking that his heart was full of thorns and you’d prick yourself if he let you get too close. That, perhaps his sorrow was contagious and his poison would flood your veins.

Words of comfort weren’t his strong suit, but he tried his best. He had to. “You weren’t a burden. Never were, and never will be, okay?”

It felt so good to have you against him, his gaze was set on you, searching for any indicator that you were uncomfortable. You leaned your shoulder against his shoulder though, nuzzling against him. Pensive silence followed.

Even with the somber undertones filling your apartment, your heart was bursting. He was here, back with you. Holding you like he used to do after you had a particularly stressful day at work, or when you had an argument with one of your close ones.

The long separation made familiar carnal desires spark to life, along with the itch to bring them to fruition.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You murmured to him, but your wavering voice caught his instant attention.

You were on the verge of tears, oh dear. If you started sobbing, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to hold back from crying either.

Leon didn’t waste a second, pulling you onto his lap, one of his hands stroking the back of your head, his other arm wrapping around your back.

“What are you thinking about?” He needed to know. You had always been the most verbal, whereas his feelings usually showed on his face or body language.

“About how much I missed you.” You respond, running your hands up and down his arms, squeezing at his muscles. “And how unreal this feels. And…” Your eyes flicker down to his lips. “I wanna kiss you, Leon…and y’know.” Make love. “Like old times.”

Oh.

“Are you sure?” Leon hadn’t intended for the night to play out this way. He needed to make sure you were actually thinking straight with the pool of emotions you seemed to be drowning in. To be fair, he was drowning too.

It was midnight, your bodies burned for one another.

“I am.” You uttered those words with such finality, eyes set on him.

This wasn’t some impromptu longing for his physical connection, you had been craving it for as long as the two of you had been separated. To feel him in the purest and most tender way possible, nestled against one another and eliciting feelings no one else could.

The pads of his thumbs rub circles against the fat of your hips. He's looking up at you, his eyes are unable to hide a flicker of yearning and affection. Expressive, his pupils dilated and his eyebrows slightly raised. He blinked slowly, like a cat showing utmost trust to its owner.

He looks at you like he worships you (he does.) Get him on his hands and knees, he’ll mumble your name like you’re his god and he’s praying to you, all his sins out in the open and his scarred body for you to look over and judge. He’ll be vulnerable with you if that means you’ll forgive his wrongdoings and give him a second chance. You must be a merciful god, no doubt about it.

“Don’t look at me like that.” You murmured, cupping his face. His gaze was hypnotic, sending a wave of security down your body. It almost felt as if you traveled to the time before he shattered your heart into pieces of glass.

“Like what?” He couldn’t help it. Not like he had a mirror, anyway. His face was usually tense, brows permanently furrowed and eyes narrowed from being attentive all the fucking time, his lips a straight line, jaw anything but relaxed.

Not right now, though. Never with you. Everything in his body softened and loosened up around you. Well, with the exception of his dick but that was another matter.

“You know what I mean. Like…like you still love me.”

Leon didn’t know what to say. The words died in his throat while every fiber of his being wanted to say ‘I do.’ The same words he could’ve voiced out standing across the altar from you. His brain short-circuited.

His pause came across as ambiguous to you, to mask the pain, you kissed him. Like a chocolate on a hot summer day, he melted in an instant, turning to mush, holding one side of your jaw and matching your pace.

The two of you mingled like two puzzle pieces. Your chest was flush against his, one of your hands finding his hair and pulling on it, earning a drawn out groan from him. It went slow for the first five minutes, some occasional pull backs for breath, shy smiles in betweens, before going back in like the act of kissing was needed for your pulses to continue, your hearts beating as one.

“Mmph.” Your whimper made him shudder, oh how he had missed that noise. His other hand got a bit more confident, resting on the small of your back, moving up towards your ribs then back down, almost resting on your ass.

He felt a surge of heat settle in his groin, aching to give you all the pleasure you deserved, to make you feel cherished and known. To knock any misery out of your head and replace it with euphoric sparks and reassurance. To be one with you again, if you’d have him.

He pulled away from the kiss, his eyes fluttering open. “Bedroom?”

A nod from you was all it took. He didn’t let you get up, instead holding your ass as he stood up, his lips back on yours as he carried you to your bedroom like he owned the place. His mind still had the spatial layout, it worked out and he eventually placed you onto the middle of the bed oh so delicately.

You knew what was coming, already taking your clothes off in a haste as you heard his belt come undone, the sound of his taking his shirt off, and his boots being kicked off.

It wasn’t long until he was on you again.

Leon took his time to look at your body. He was all too familiar with it, knowing exactly where certain beauty marks were, or the places that were sensitive to even the slightest fan of his breath. His fingertips ghosted over your sides, sucking in a sharp inhale as his eyes roamed all over, studying you as if you were his muse and he was about to draw you. “So beautiful…”

His lips had traveled all across you once upon a time. Leon had a great memory, perhaps one of his best features, though also his downfall. At times like these, it comes in handy. It almost seemed like a hazy flashback to the nights he had you splayed on the bed, pressing his lips against your forehead and making it all the way to the sensitive skin of your inner thighs.

He wanted to mimic the memory. “Need to taste you. Can I?”

“God, yes.” You agreed in a heartbeat, body already feeling all tingly at the anticipation.

He littered open mouthed kisses from the middle of your chest, all the way down to your end of your stomach, making your body ignite with flames and mind flood with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. What day was it? Month? Year? You couldn’t remember, just desperately hoping this wasn’t some realistic feeling dream. You’ve had those too often, and if you woke up without him by your side, you felt like you would die from heartbreak.

He hooked his arms underneath your thighs to pull you close. His fingers dug into your thighs as he took another look at his favorite pretty cunt. He missed this. Missed you. Missed having you grind yourself against his face until he couldn’t breathe. Missed having his heart race from the angelic noises you blessed his ears with.

His nose pressed against your clit, applying light pressure as his tongue lapped at your slit, gathering the dew there. Geez, he really got right into it. Your eyes rolled back, your stomach tensing and your back arching. You could die right now by your (ex) lover’s tongue, what a way to go.

On the occasion that he opened his eyes, he’d look up at you through his light lashes — he swore you looked like an angel from his perspective.

“What is this? Your last meal on death row?” You were joking, but god…he really was making your mind go blank, he knew just all the right buttons to press.

“Oh, so you think I’m a criminal?”

Like always, you reached for his hair, pushing it back and hearing him growl out of contentment. He gave your clit gentle sucks before flattening his tongue against it and flicking it, his head moving side to side, repeating the process again and again.

One thing about Leon? He always found a way to turn you on by being vocal. His noises were muffled and sloppy but you could feel the vibration of all his whimpers and growls against you as he took his time eating you out. He was getting off to pleasuring you, and that fact alone made it so much hotter.

Your thighs were trembling, threatening to close in and squeeze his head. Leon placed one of his hands over your lower abdomen, applying light pressure with his palm and coaxing you into your orgasm.

It didn’t take you long to get there, you hadn’t felt a tongue on you in ages, he was your last.

“Leon, I’m—“

He already knew.

“That’s it, make a mess all over my face.” It sounded like a demand but instead it came across as a pitiful and desperate plea.

How many times had he been in this position? Lying on his stomach, your taste on his tongue, chin dripping with his drool and your wetness, feeling your body trembling…he couldn’t even count how many. But it was enough for him to know your body like no other.

He kept going even after your thighs started squeezing in on him, even with the way you unintentionally tugged at his hair enough to have him rutting against your sheets. He made sure to make your orgasm feel good, lapping at you all throughout until he heard a whine leave your lips and he felt you weakly push his head away — he didn’t want to overstimulate you and hurt you.

He finally took a breath, one that filled his lungs with satisfaction as he propped himself up on his elbows before sitting up. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling his blood pump south with the way you were still composing yourself, your legs twitching all cutely and your torso rising and sinking with each deep breath you attempted to take.

“Do you wanna…” Your eyes flitted down to the prominent tent in his pants, feeling a stirring in your stomach already.

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I mean…only if you want to.”

With his belt already in some corner of the room and his fly down, all that was left was discarding his pants and boxers down. He fished his wallet out and pulled a packet from it before doing so.

You were too distracted eyeing his now exposed dick, gulping. It had been a while. But a certain wrapper noise caught your attention. A condom. You had always been careful with him in the past, but you wanted him inside him without any barriers. To feel him entirely, his skin against your insides.

“Don’t, please?”

“But–“

“I need to feel you, Leon.”

“Already being a bad influence on me? What am I gonna do with you?” His jest was met with your roll of eyes, but the corners of your eyes crinkled, happy he was already comfortable enough to bicker a bit.

He pet your head, gazing fondly at you as he awaited your response.

“I just want to feel you as close as possible. I don't know how to explain it. You can pull out at the end…I dunno.”

You didn’t need to explain further, because he felt the same. He kissed your forehead, whispering “okay.”

Getting in between you and in position for missionary, he continued peppering kisses all over your face. He couldn’t hold back, he had so much to make up for, he owed you at least a thousand more. He pushed into you, a breathy moan leaving his lips, it felt like he had just entered the pearly gates. And the way your jaw hung open in a silent gasp told him you felt the same.

“You alright?”

“Mhm, keep going.”

“God, I missed you…” His thrusts made the bed creak, adding to the assortment of sounds of two bodies joined as one: skin against skin, high pitched gasps and occasional throaty groans, nails scratching against Leon’s back and leaving red marks in their wake, a subtle noise, but there nonetheless.

“Yeah? How much?”

“Too much. Could never get you outta my mind.” He admitted, burying his head against your neck to leave open-mouthed kisses all over, smiling when he felt you squirming. “Dreamt about you every night. Every…every morning I woke up, I thought you’d still be by my side.”

His response knocked the breath out of you, God if you could have him closer than physically possible, you would. This was the closest you’d be though, his tip hitting your g-spot, his body flush against yours, it was just the two of you in this never ending universe.

“Leon…Leon…fuck.” You called for him like you needed him to prevent you from crumbling.

He pinned one of your hands to the side of your head and laced his fingers between yours, his head remaining against your other side, raspy grunts and incoherent praises rumbling against your ear. He gently bit your earlobe, tugging at it and sending a shiver down your spine.

Despite all his self doubts, Leon knew how to love, how to send another person to cloud nine and make their head fuzzy with sheer euphoria. He wasn’t fucking you, he was loving you, there’s a clear difference.

His lips trailed to your jawline, eventually reaching your lips and initiating an uncoordinated make out session, the sound of dazed out whimpers and quiet growls mixing together perfectly.

He was getting there, his pace more erratic than before, his hand squeezing yours tightly. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbled against your lips, speaking in between rushed pecks. “Prettiest girl in the world.”

You managed to smile at that. “Yeah? Well you’re the prettiest boy in the world.”

You could’ve said handsome. Or hot. Or cute. But Leon was pretty, that was always the first thing that came to your mind. He was like a model, surely some agency would have tried to recruit him if he were actually in broad daylight more.

“Mm.” He liked the compliment. No more words were exchanged after that, he was focused on feeling you. Feeling the way you took all of him like it was nothing, clearly the two of you were physically made for one another.

There was no going back from this, Leon couldn’t bear the thought of getting a taste of happiness yet again and then falling back into a hopeless pit. He wouldn’t push you away again.

You were already sensitive from the way he had made you cum on his face earlier. You pulled away from his kisses, your head thrashing side to side against the pillow instead, your hips desperately bucking to meet his.

“Leon…”

“Just let go for me, you can do it.”

Moans ripped from your throat, your nails leaving crescent indents on his skin as your body writhed underneath him. Leon couldn’t take his eyes off of you as you came, his own stomach feeling tighter and tighter until he followed suit.

“I love you.” He let it slip at the very end, his mind too dazed and his emotions for you running at full blast. You would’ve replied if not for the way you were in awe, watching the way his eyebrows furrowed, his head tilted back, his mouth let out the raspiest grunts as he pulled out and came. Fuck, he couldn’t be real.

It was only then that Leon’s head cleared. He felt his heart sink to his stomach, had he said something wrong? The moment died down, he felt uncertain about how you’d react. Regardless, Leon took a moment to admire you in your flushed state before leaning down to kiss your head, then lying down beside you and pulling you to his side.

You were all dazed with his confession lingering in your head.

He still loved you. Maybe it was obvious, but hearing it aloud was a completely different feeling.

All the suppressed emotions between the two of you were being put on the spotlight. Your eyes brimmed with unshed tears, you tried to blink them away, but you failed.

Leon wished your eyes hadn’t gotten glossy and that your lips hadn’t tugged into a small frown. It made his heart physically ache. Heavy hearted, that’s what he felt like, swallowing to try to alleviate just how sore his throat felt all of a sudden. Guilt bubbled in his stomach because he knew he was the source of your tears.

He kissed away your tears, welcoming the salty taste of them.

He couldn’t tell you not to cry, he wasn’t in the position to. All he could do was reassure you instead, curling his hand into a fist before rubbing soothing circles onto your back as he watched you curl against him.

“Hey…”

“Sorry. I didn't mean to start crying. I just…you still love me? Did you mean that?”

“It’s okay. Just let it out, I'm here for you.” He had your head tucked underneath his chin. “And yeah…I never stopped.”

“I love you too.”

He wasn’t leaving this time.

Maybe that ring he held onto would find its true owner soon.

You, his sweet girl.

[re-colligere]

What would the spies look like as villains and vice-versa?

This took me a while to get to, even though I've been thinking about it for a LONG while now...it took a lot of brainstorming (especially for the villains LOL)

Below the cut, I wrote some short character blurbs for each of them, and how different they are compared to their OG spy au counterparts!

The spy gang is admittedly a bit more straightforward than the villains. To be fair I also had a faster time figuring out the OG spies too so it's okay.

Agent Buí is our very determined and optimistic field agent! Like Miss April, she's very charismatic and just a bit goofy. She does Not have the hat of holding as an agent, but she's still inhumanely indestructible like a cartoon character. She's also a tad more careful about getting others involved in the crossfire than Miss April is.

Agent Rojo is most commonly seen as Agent Buí's field partner, though his lack of stealthiness and carefulness makes things a little more dicey for them. It's fine though, because Rojo and Buí enjoy the extra challenge. Just like Hellforge, he's very skilled in combat, he lovesss confronting people, and he abides by his moral beliefs seriously. Unlike Hellforge, he's not an engineer in any sense of the word, much less for weapons.

Agent Beguni is the resident tech wiz of the group, responsible for giving the agents a lot of gadgets and tools...though Rojo in particular complains about how "lame" his gadgets are ("Don't call them LAME they're there to PROTECT you!!") Him and Terror are similar in their general...idk patheticness? /LH and their desire to be a little less scared of everything by putting themselves in a high-risk career. Though he still gets kinda pulled by Rojo and Buí out in the field even if it's so so so scarys...

Agent Laranja is the handler and de facto "boss" of the spy gang, like Bughaw is. She likes to plan a lot but the others tend to derail them REALLY quickly, and she has to improvise along with them. It's a bit of work to get her agents under control, but she does enjoy working with them. Similarities with Axyon....might be a spoiler? They both have a background in psychology. And I guess Laranja smiles a lot more here.

I didn't include Granny (Agent Sepia) in here bc I got tired sorry </3 but she would've been a retired agent OR. a director. who keeps reminiscing of the good ol' days of espionage or something.

ANDD the villains. The guys I spent the most time on. My funny little guys

Bb. Alakdan is the villain group's primary information collector and, in some ways, their primary fighter. She specializes in socializing, fashion statements, and poison-making. She has a bunch of other needles hidden in her gloves and boots too. I almost didn't include the scorpion tail because it's So damn impractical. BUT DAMN if it isn't cool (Emile made it for her methink). Like Verte, their strengths are in charisma and persuasion. Unlike Verte, Alakdan is more willing to get her hands dirty, is more confrontational, and she has less emotional baggage about her job. Another name for her was Lady/Miss/Madame Scorpia, which, if translated in Tagalog, is Bb. Alakdan.

Vivien is Alakdan's little sister and a self-proclaimed villain-to-be!! Vivi adores everyone in the villain gang and wants to be as cool as them someday...Just like in the OG au however, her sister Dani discourages her from getting too interested in her career because it's dangerous. She's a bit more involved in the villain group though, kind of acting as their evil minion/apprentice/whatever. The others really like her and will burn the world down if anything bad happened to her. Villain name to come later if I ever come up with something for her.

The Duke of Hearts usually fills the role of Alakdan's partner-in-crime in the field. This fucking guy is actually the reason why this took so long, because I can't think of a good villain gimmick for Emby other than being the Muscle for the group (which is funny, since in the first versions of the OG spy au he WAS gonna be a villain too). I settled for a magician-type guy who's very stealthy and is also great at confusing people. He's just as socially anxious and self-conscious as Roz despite his chosen role, though I guess part of that is him wanting to get over his stage fright. While he's just as physically strong as Roz is, Duke is even more averse to getting into fights; he's truthfully not a very skilled fighter. You guys get to see this doodle I made which cemented the whole silent magician-thief thing I've got for him. Another name for him would've been Mr. Stardust, or something with King/Jack/Ace (like the suits). I don't think he would've been comfortable with being called King though. He's not the King of anything.

The hat of holding is kind of a /joke but I'm kinda obsessed with the implication that the villain group MUST have one in their possession. It's not really needed for him but damn if it isn't funny SKDJFH

Lady Tragedy is the group's mastermind and leader, and everyone pretty much respects her. Extremely clever and surprisingly persuasive, agents must be careful around her lest they hear her calming, hypnotizing voice. The mask is somewhat a mirror of Dr. Axyon's mask, but I haven't really thought about all these guys' motives and backstories too hard (I probably won't). Just like Bughaw, she's a very good leader who's very considerate of her comrades. Tragedy also has decked out mobility aids. Unlike Bughaw............................Tragedy's. a villain? I guess? I think that's literally it. Another name for her was Judge Amygdala or ANYTHING with Judge in it. Judge Tragedy is just hard to say out loud (unless that's just a me thing LOL) but I like how Lady Tragedy ended up sounding.

Emile, or Monsieur Mortelle is literally just Agent Indigo back when she was in the League if we're being honest. Nothing changed about her, I guess again other than motive reasons. She also didn't have a villain name originally, but my French partner suggested something with Mortelle because, APPARENTLY, "ennuie mortelle" is a common French saying which means "killer boredom". I think it was funny so I ended up giving that to her LOL in-universe I'd like to think that Alakdan gave her that name instead because Emile was perfectly satisfied with being called. Emile. She just kinda accepted it. ALSO BTW. Yes I'm aware the gendered words don't match, I know monsieur is masculine and mortelle is feminine That's the point ok. the point is she doesn't careeeeeeeeeeee about genderrrrrrrrrrr okay. so don't get up on my business about this. The only french opinions I care about is my partner's okay /lh

Anyways yeah my braincells were spent on the designs and the names. Probably not gonna develop this any further unless I want to do something silly with them, but nevertheless this was a fun little hypothetical to play around with!

[finelinevogue]

pancakes for two

summary - seeing your niece for the first time

word count - ~1k

pairing - husband!harry x reader

You made pancakes for breakfast on a Saturday.

It was a routine at this point and would be rude not to have pancakes after your morning jog with Harry.

Harry tended to make himself banana pancakes, because he hated not having some fruit in there somehow, but you were all for the nutella and other loaded toppings.

You had both just finished your pancakes, dirty plates on the coffee table in front of you and cups of tea to hand as you watched ‘This Morning’ on ITV.

Even after having been on a run and eaten pancakes, your day was about to get so much better.

“Remind me that I need to pick up more loo roll the next time I go to the shops.” You said to Harry.

“Thought we bought loads?”

His free hand rested on your ankle from where your legs were stretched out on his lap.

“Yeah, but we gave a lot to Gem remember?”

“Oh shit, yes. We can go later if you want? I’ll take you?” He offered.

“The last thing I want to do is leave the house on the one day where you’re not busy preparing for baby number 4.” You laughed, taking a sip of your Yorkshire Gold tea.

“Baby number 4?” It was Harry’s turn to chuckle.

“Album? Baby? Same thing. They’re all your children.”

He tapped your ankle playfully.

Harry had been working so hard on planning for the next phase of his career and you were so happy to see him get excited and creative again.

Music is where he thrived and it was a joy to watch him work. However it did mean he was gone more than you wanted him to be, so quiet weekends like this were absolutely necessary.

Harry missed you just as much and he was constantly lucky that it was you waiting for him at home.

He’d been working so hard that he hadn’t even had a moment to see his sister since she gave birth.

It was only a week ago, but Gemma was still recovering and requested that the three of them just had some quiet time to let the new reality to settle in.

Now, Harry was restless to see his niece.

You scrolled through your phone when it suddenly made a Ring doorbell noise.

“Yes! I bet that’s my Waterstones parcel.” You said excitedly, sitting up and setting your tea on the coffee table.

“Another one?”

You hit Harry’s thigh playfully, “Shut up!” Although he did have a valid point.

You waited for the doorbell to ring, before jumping up and making your way to the front. You made a note to shout at Harry for - yet again - leaving his coat on the banister and not put back on coat rack.

You unlocked and opened the door, expecting the delivery guy but were met with Gemma, Michal and baby instead.

“Oh my God!” You shouted, cupping your hands over your mouth in shock.

“Surprise!” Gemma laughed, baby carrier on Michal’s arm and baby bags too.

You started tearing up then, emotional over how beautiful Gemma was after recently giving birth. She was glowing and looked incredible. They both looked so happy too.

“Y/N/N?” Harry called your nickname.

He rounded the corner only to stop short.

“Look who showed up.” You allowed the tears to drop down your face.

“Hey, bro.” Gemma smiled.

“Hi, H!” Michal smiled at Gemma’s smile.

Harry, ever the emotional man, broke down in little sobs then. He pouted when he cried and probably had the same thoughts as you initially did.

“Come in. Come on.” You ushered them in.

You gave Gemma a big hug first, squeezing her but not too tight, and kissed her cheeks.

Then you hugged Michal, careful to avoid all his extra baggage.

“How are you?” You asked Michal, as Gemma went over to speak and probably console Harry.

“Tired, but never been happier.” He genuinely smiled.

“Can I take anything from you?”

“No, I’m just going to dump them here if that’s okay?” He motioned to the space in the hall.

“Of course, go ahead.”

“You want a tea? Coffee?” You offered.

“Coffee, please. No sugar. Gem will probably just have water.”

You nodded and walked through the hallway and into the kitchen. Gemma and Harry were still hugging, softly talking to one another. You left them to it, not wanting to disrupt the siblings reunion.

You wiped your own tears with your sweater, before pottering around the kitchen.

“So let me see my niece then!” You demanded as Michal placed the carrier on the kitchen island.

He opened the visor and you had to choke back a sob as you saw how small your new niece was - your new best friend.

“Oh my God.” You whispered.

“I know. I keep having the same reaction, even now.” Michal chuckled.

Gemma and Harry walked in a few seconds later - Harry with red eyes and Gemma smiling like a madwoman.

You leaned forwards and brushed your finger over your nieces tiny bunched fist. Her skin was so soft and she didn’t budge at all with the tap from you.

“She’s beautiful, guys.” You whispered.

“She really is.” Gemma agreed.

“She’s a Styles if I ever saw one. No offence Michal.”

“None taken.” Michal genuinely didn’t seem offended.

You stepped back to let Harry have a gaze over his new niece, wrapped in her blankets and knitted bonnets. There were so many blankets you wondered whether she was cooking underneath them all!

It wasn’t your turn to know anything about kids or parenting though, yet, so you weren’t going to question anything.

Harry approached his niece and softly caressed over her small hand and over her quite chubby cheeks.

You cupped a hand over your mouth as you teared up from watching Harry interact with a baby.

“It’s too much!” You cried, laughing like an idiot.

Gemma and Michal watched you with soft expressions.

Harry moved towards you then, “Hey. What’s up?” He asked, pulling you in for a big hug. The best hugs.

“I think i’ve got a heavy case of baby fever right now.”

Harry pulled you away a bit to read your face, “You do?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay.” He smiled.

“Okay, what?” You stepped back.

“Let’s try. For a baby, I mean.”

“Really?” You eyes filled with tears. “You mean it?”

“A baby with you? It would make all those birthday and shooting star wishes come true.”

[anemoiashifts]

what your s/o wants you to know, pick an object reading !

please pick one of the jelly cats above ! ⋆.˚

note !! if reading doesn’t resonate, that’s okay !! please don’t force yourself to make it fit. there will be other readings :)

also thank you to everyone who voted on my poll for what type of reading. if the one you voted for didn’t win, im probably going to end up doing all of them anyways so don’t worry. the next one being a pick an item reading from your desired reality self. id like do maybe do something like month shifting readings at the top of each month ? maybe ?? ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

✦

bashful lilac bunny ! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

songs : vampire by olivia rodrigo, wait for life by lana del rey & emile haynie, fvck somebody by the wrecks.

this person has the tendency to irresponsible at times & jump to conclusions irrationally. however, they work best in teams & loves the work that they do. some jobs this person could have is a private investigator or work in law; someone who likes to take care of people. because of this persons work they may struggle with negative thinking & could have a lot of spiritual baggage. your presence grounds them & allows some normalcy. you & this person will unfortunately go through a lot of grieving & hardships together. it’s giving the vibe of something similar to enemies to lovers or on again / off again. when things are good, they’re great ! but things are bad, they’re bad. despite opposing views at times, you both strive for comfort.

this person wants you to care about yourself more. not just a skin care routine or repeating positive affirmations but learning to accept yourself & being kinder to yourself without judgement. you tend to strive when in confidence regarding every area — self image, performance, how you carry yourself. your confidence & self improvement is why this person is most attracted to you.

✦

smudge hippo ! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

songs : my hair by ariana grande, my love all mine mitski, consume by chase atlantic.

this person loves you. like looooves you. they think you’d be a good parent & would want to start a family with you if possible. you both are very caring & nurturing to one another & balance one another very well. this person has a lot of patience & emotional strength. they want you to know all your efforts will pay off. they think you have a lack of focus & believe you are suffering to attempt to shift because you see shifting meditations or exercises as boring. your person knows that if you could skip to being in your dr — you would. this person wants you to realize sometimes taking the time to nurture your desires & our some action to them can help your manifestations grow.

your s/o wants you to have more structure & discipline. to create some goals that are outside of shifting so you can stop seeing the process of shifting as tiring & a chore & get excited about it again.

✦

lavender dragon ! ୭ ˚.⁺⊹ .ᐟ

i just want to preface, this specific reading for group number three / lavender dragon looks a littleeee different from the previous. this pile & re-pulling of cards for clarification has circled back to money over & over. im going to go off track & also include some things that your s/o may want to let you know in regardless to this / what this could mean.

songs : king of everything by madison beer , mind over matter by young the elephant, hometown by twenty one pilots, i saw you in a dream by the japanese house.

this person wants to remind you that “everything happens for a reason”. they could’ve had to work their way up to the top & can sometimes burry themselves into their work. they can get a little standoffish & as a result your relationship with them could be a little codependent at times. they want you to break away from that aspect of your relationship with them that can definitely bleed into how you view them here. you have a tendency to lose yourself in others & sacrifice parts of yourself to please them & this person doesn’t want to see you change completely to appease them — they like you for you. you tend to get lost in the fantasy aspect of it all. thinking of what shifting could be instead of reflecting & looking at what works for you vs what doesn’t. “there is a time & a place for everything”.

you could be facing some struggles here that incorporate money in some way. maybe you’re in between jobs or are struggling financially right now ? it could just be a situation you are in that has a larger price tag: starting college, purchasing a car, etc. your dr s/o wants to remind you new beginnings in this reality will come & your financial situation will improve. this could also apply to your desired reality, maybe you both are tight on money atm. i didn’t get any clear clarifications despite efforts so i suppose this is something only for you to know the answer to or something that is supposed to be a mystery. for some of you that may resonate while others it may not. however, why i included this is the messaging of having things going on in this reality that could deserve attention here. shifting will always be here, while life here is fleeting, is the vibe im picking up for this last group.

✦

thank you for reading !! :) i hope you were able to take something away from it. 🤍🤍

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: What do you need to hear right now?

Hello and welcome back to a new pick a card reading!

Today is a general and open one, where we're going to look at What you need to hear right now.

As always this is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not resonates 100%. There are only three piles and a shit ton of you. Takes what resonates and leave out the rest.

Check out my pinned post for more pick a cards or to book a paid reading.

PILE 1

Cards: 10 of Cups, King of Swords, 5 of Swords, the Chariot, the Empress, the Hanged Man, Queen of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, Sweet Oblivion, Acceptance

Right now, you seem very preoccupied, by the idea of happiness and emotional fulfillment. I see you wanting more from life and not wanting to settle for your current circumstances. You are an idealist who wishes to enjoy life to its fullest, and I think that includes multiple areas of you life because you don't want to neglect any aspect of it.

But at the same time, there is this idea that your idea of ultimate happiness is an ideal, and ideals are not reality. Reality is uncertain and mysterious, we never know what's around the corner, and I think you're trying to get a hold of that by using your logic over your heart to try to understand and break down what it is you want from life. Truth is, when we want something, even when we get it, it never quite look like what we imagined, and that's quite a struggle when we want to control outcomes.

And I think you're fully aware of the fact that there are going to be some losses on your path towards this beautiful goal of yours. Perhaps you even have already experienced some. You might be wondering if that was all worth the effort in the end and feeling quite defeated on the inside. There might be frictions with you values and feeling like you have to sacrifice something dear to you.

However, despite these sour feelings, you feel like you have to stay determined to make it work and get out of the realm of what's known and comfortable. With the Chariot paired with the Empress, representing respectively Cancer and Venus, there is this idea of slow but unstoppable movement toward you ideal. It's really hard for you to let give up, unthinkable even. Both characters are crowned in stars, representing the hope for something better and the faith you have for yourself.

What you don't see, however, is that you are currently trapped in your own perspective and struggling to see things in a new angle. You are tied to the emotional baggage of your past and it's like you're trying to run away from the pain but you can't, you're stuck with it because its part of yourself, of your story. And I think to some extent you fail to see how these past emotions are affecting the way you see the situation. You learned to be very protective of your well-being, up to a fault because, right now, this inflexibility is creating struggle and pain where there is no need for it.

I also see that you're so focused on the prize that you're blinding yourself to everything else, which is part of why you are stuck in some way.

You advice regarding this situation is all about accepting that you cannot control everything, nor that you should. As we pointed out things will not always unfold the exact way you want them to, which is not necessarily a bad thing. You don't need to know everything, to see 10 steps ahead. It's okay to not know what you are doing, no one does. Yes you are doing that because you want to feel safe, but that's not how reality works. You can't trick your mind into thinking you have full control over your life, that's a delusion, and you're missing out on the mysterious adventure that is life.

So you need to let go a bit, surrender your desire for control and float through life with peace in your heart. What will be, will be. Some things cannot be changed with force and willpower alone. Some things are out of your control and all you can do is accept and let things unfold naturally. Right now you need to let loose a little and learn to have more faith in life and to trust that sometimes, the detours are exactly what we need to experience.

Key words: crisis of faith, winning at all costs, go big or go home, sunken cost fallacy, if i don't help myself then who will, crawling out of a hole, disillusionment, swimming against the current vs floating with it

PILE 2

Cards: King of Cups, Empress, 7 of Pentacles, the Hermit, the High Priestess, 3 of Swords, Ace of Wands, 7 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, the Hanged Man, 3 of Cups, 8 of Swords, Rebirth

What you're being asked to look at today, is your emotional balance and the emotional work you've done on yourself to nurture and repair. It seems you've been working at it for quite some time, steadily and patiently. You've been caring for yourself, healing, like a gardener working in his orchards day after day, waiting for the harvest to finally come.

And you did quite well it seems! A lot has been accomplished already. You've done the work and sought inner knowledge; with bravery you looked at every shadow, every past hurt, every trauma, and you've learnt so much from it. You really consciously took the matter into your own hands and were directly acting on your issues. It still hurts at time though and you might be wondering when it will cease to be painful. Truth is, you keep touching the wound so it's probably not helping. I see you quite stuck in waiting for this harvest, the harvest being the point where you feel finally free from all of this ready to seize life again.

You also went through a time of isolation that made you stronger, but I'm also getting that you're struggling to get out of that isolation mode out of comfort and fear mostly. Sometimes when we go through something hard, it makes us feel alienated from others, like it's hard to relate to the everyday problems of people who were lucky enough not to go through something traumatic. It can make you feel envious, or at the very least, a bit disgusted and void of interest to connect with those people, because they just don't get it, and honestly, some people lack the emotional intelligence necessary to handle people who suffered a lot…hence the isolation.

What you don't see, is that you're ruminating your problems and that it's past the point of being helpful. It's like you're going over it again and again and again, trying to see if you can find yet another answer that would end the search once and for all. You're clearly overthinking your feelings and obsessively trying to find a solution to something that has none. What is done is done. Yes you need to mourn, yes you need to let time and introspection sooth the pain, but at some point, the only thing left to do is to move forward again.

The advice regarding this is that you need to drastically change your ways. Flip the way you live on its head. The cards point at getting out of this isolation mode, because the only thing holding you back is yourself in this case. It's like you're scared of going out into the world. You might not feel ready. You might not feel strong enough. You might not feel adequate for this world. But it's not true, it's just another result of overthinking your past hurt. It's time to step out and connect with other people. Celebrate, have fun, laugh, connect with others sincerely and without fear of not being understood. Yes some people won't get it but you'll also be pleasantly surprised by others, and you won't know until you tried.

It's time to leave the old behind, the old being those past hurt you're so familiar with, and this way of being you became so used to contain yourself in. You've spent enough time in the cocoon, now is time to break free from it and spread your wings. It might not be easy in the beginning, you might need to learn to fly again and it will be scary, but it's so, so worth it.

So ask yourself what living your life fully looks like to you. If you were completely free if nothing was holding you back, what would you want to? What would you want to become? Switch the overthinking from the tiny box you stuck yourself in, to the expansiveness of a mind that wants to reach to every corner of the world. The sky is the limit and it's time you look up.

Key words: breaking the shell, chrysalis, rebirth, being stuck in a maze of your own creation, scared to open up, meaningful connections, sunlight, removing the bandage

PILE 3

Cards: 6 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, 2 of Cups, 2 of Swords, 2 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups, Page of Swords, 3 of Cups, 5 of Swords, 7 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, the Great Goddess, Spirit of the Tree

The theme of your reading today is centered around the way you connect to others, be they people or spiritual forces.

More precisely, in the act of service you do for others, with a strong emphasis on keeping the balance in the exchange and the necessity to preserving the harmony between your thoughts and feelings.

With two 6 cards in this position, this highlights reflecting on the way you find the middle point in the way you give and receive your time and energy, but also what it costs you mentally and emotionally. This is a general reading so it's quite nebulous without context, but to some it could point at a specific relationship, or if you're someone who provides service for others, it could point at that, and it could also be relevant for those who do spiritual work.

In any case, what you're clear on in this situation, is that you've reached a point of no return. It's just no possible to keep doing things as you're doing them right now. You've been contemplating this recently and reached the conclusion that you can't make everyone happy at all costs, despite your desire for things to be perfect for all involved. You are sacrificing yourself in the process, to an extent that is not healthy for you. Exchanges between people are never fully balanced and that's just reality, but in the long run you should find some type of balance and not just giving yourself to keep everyone happy but yourself.

What you don't see in this situation is that you're getting the short hand of the stick when it doesn't have to be the case. If every interaction feels like a battle that you have to fight to sourly win, then was it really a win? Others can be here for you as well, for support and enjoyable shared moments. You should be able to all get something from this. If they never give you that, is it truly worth investing yourself in it?

There is a strong need for protecting your boundaries mentally as well. You don't see how letting others step all over you is detrimental to the way you perceive life. It maintains you in your little box where you need to expand your horizon. I think you somewhat lost that side of you. The side that seeks truth, that is strongly rooted in its individuality and critical mind. The you that seeks mental stimulation and adventurous ideas.

For the advice, you need to be honest with yourself because from what I understand, you do see the situation clearly, but for some reason, you're not acting on it. It's like you're lying to yourself a bit. You keep trying to make things work in this very unbalanced state, harming yourself in this task for the sake of others.

You need to look further and think of your abundance and legacy. What will you be remembered for? For what you did to others? It's very noble of you, but what about your enjoyment of life? What about your personal goals? What about what your heart desires?

Think of trees: we now know that despite being fully rooted in themselves and being whole and independent life forms, they do live in community and are able to communicate with each others across species and help each other. The big tree provides shade to the small plants, and the small plants keep the ground moist and fertile. They all benefit from this and create an ecosystem for all to live in.

You are being called to re-balanced things within you and in your life. To get to the root of this blockage you have regarding exchange and service in order to transform yourself. Perhaps what you're doing is actually detrimental to your ultimate goal, and being a bit more focused on yourself, selfish, even, would be the key for more stability.

Key words: giving and receiving, overworking yourself, beneficial selfishness, harmony between extremes, losing yourself in the work, waking up to what matters to you, long term goal, the wisdom of trees, creation and destruction

[gay-dorito-dust]

May I please request any comfort fluff with Jiyan from Wuthering Waves if you're open to those requests?🙏😔 I need bro to comfort me

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m sorry?’ You asked, looking up to see Jiyan stood over your seated form with conceding lacing his golden eyes.

‘Are you okay?’ He repeated, sitting down next to you, ‘you’ve been acting differently as of late and I feel as though there’s more to it than just a shift in personality.’

You chuckled humourlessly, the jig was up and you knew it but were too stubborn to accept help from anyone, especially from one who had more important matters at hand than your slight decline in mental health. ‘It’s nothing, honestly, I’m just a little-‘

‘Tired?’ Jiyan cuts you off and suddenly your throat felt drier than a desert and he must’ve known that he caught you in your one lie as he levels you with a stare, leaning slightly towards you. ‘How often have you used being tired as an excuse because people in your past have proven themselves ill equip with handling a difficult situation, despite saying false promises of being there for when life gets hard.’

‘Way too fucking often.’ You replied. ‘It’s like they were only in my life to take something from me, why? I’ll never know because they’re all gone and fucked off, like they didn’t just tore my souls to shreds snd left me to pick up the pieces.’ You concluded and it wasn’t until then did you realise that you had started to cry when Jiyan wordlessly wiped one away with his thumb.

You had let your guard slip, the one thing you’ve promised yourself to never do again in the presence of another person due to how they made it all about them; not to mention how they gone on about how suddenly they couldn’t handle your baggage before ghosting you completely whenever you tried to reach out to them again. You didn’t deserve that type of treatment and you know it, but you’ve less yourself to believe that their reaction will be how others would perceive your situation, and so you never bothered reaching out for help and instead letting it bottle up inside until you cracked.

‘I’m sorry.’ You gasped as you began to violently wipe away at your eyes when Jiyan held your wrists in his hand and brought them away from your face.

‘Don’t apologise,’ he started, ‘never apologise for your own emotions nor the people who’ve made you believe that others would turn a blind eye to your plan, for that is simply not true, but I understand that this is a hard mentality for one to unlearn after so long.’ Jiyan wasn’t well versed in comforting others, seeing as how he spent most of his life in the frontlines of the battlefield as both a medic and general, but that didn’t stop him from recognising that a misdeed had been committed against you and that he wouldn’t allow; So for you, jiyan would try his best to provide comfort that you needed.

‘Oh yeah? And who’s going to change that then you?’ You scoffed.

‘Yes.’ Jiyan answered without hesitation and a seriousness you’ve only ever seen in battle and that alone had you choke on your own words.

‘Why?’ You asked, looking into his eyes in hopes of getting the answer you wanted, you wanted to look for a lie within his eyes but his eyes only told you that he was being genuine with his words.

‘I want to prove that if there is one person who’s willing to shoulder your burdens with you, it’s me.’ He tells you. ‘I will not allow you to suffer alone during you’re in pain. So please, allow me to lend you aid in these difficult times.’

You stayed silent for a bit and Jiyan thought that he may have overstepped a boundary or two but his own worries were put to rest when you gripped onto his hand just as he was about to pull away. ‘If it’s not too much trouble for you.’

‘I wouldn’t have suggested such if it was, which it isn’t.’ Jiyan cuts you off softly.

‘Then I guess it couldn’t hurt.’ You said, slowly beginning to grow hope for this seemingly small promise.

[bblovetarot]

{𖨆♡ 𖨆} Who will be your next partner?

ʚ ═══･୨ꕤ୧･═══ ɞ Pick a Pile ʚ ═══･୨ꕤ୧･═══ ɞ 

. ༄ . paid readings . ༄.

。°⚠︎°。follow your intuition when choosing a pile. if you're drawn to more than one pile, that's okay! you may have messages in more than one.

。°⚠︎°。tarot readings are not 100% accurate, and do not dictate your future. please keep in mind that you have free will. these readings are also general and aren't specific to one person, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't! 

Pile 1

Pile 1, your future partner seems like a bit of a mystery wrapped in a dream. They're the creative type, always eager to lend a hand but not so great at asking for help themselves. It seems they've been through the wringer in love before, maybe coming out of a tough situation when you meet them. This person feels things deeply, maybe even gets lost in their emotions sometimes. They might seem distant to others, but that's just because they struggle to express what's going on inside. Misunderstood as aloof, they're actually just wrestling with a jumble of feelings. Despite this, they're not ones to shy away from adventure. They've got a spark for exploration, a childlike wonder that's both bold and brave. When it comes to decisions, they're all about following their heart, even if it leads them into uncharted territory. So, get ready for a partner who's a bit of an enigma, but with a heart full of courage and a spirit yearning for new experiences.

Pile 2

Pile 2, your potential match is a real go-getter, always aiming to steer their own ship. They might seem a tad controlling, but really, they just value their independence and don't like being told what to do. Rebels at heart, they're not big on following the crowd or taking advice from others – they trust their gut above all else. They're come off as confident and may have a bit of an ego. They might prefer short-term flings over long-term commitments, relishing their freedom and not feeling the need to settle down. They could be a bit of a catch, with plenty of admirers vying for their attention. Living life on the edge is their style, always chasing the next thrill. Yet, beneath that daredevil exterior lies some emotional baggage from past hurts. They might not have fully dealt with it, which sometimes leads them to push the limits. Despite this, they handle it with grace, giving off an air of composure. They're more laid-back than they let on, though, trusting their intuition and going with the flow. Life's too short to sweat the small stuff, and they're all about making the most of every moment. Your next partner is someone who has equal parts spontaneous and soulful, ready to dive into life headfirst and enjoy the ride.

Pile 3

Pile 3, your next partner might not be so new after all – you might already know them. It could be someone you've had a bit of a break from. Work seems to have been a big priority for them, maybe even causing some strain in your relationship. You both decided to take some time apart, but it was always with the understanding that it wasn't goodbye forever. This isn't a case of ghosting; it's more like a mutual agreement to hit pause for a while. Deep down, you both know there are things that need to be hashed out, conversations waiting to happen. They've been sending mixed signals, leaving you feeling a bit confused and maybe even rejected. But hey, you've moved past that – your gut tells you there's more to this story. It's time to have that heart-to-heart you've been putting off. Who knows? There could be some big revelations waiting for both of you. Despite the ups and downs, you trust your intuition when it comes to this person. So, get ready to dive back in and see where this journey takes you.

[snowysosturn]

Blowing Smoke - Matt Sturniolo

Pairing: y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n realizes her relationship with Matt has grown distant and hollow. After struggling to hold on, she sends a final goodbye message, accepting it's over. Trying to move on from a relationship while dealing with contrasting feelings of jealousy and freedom when thinking about Matt's new romantic interests.

Warnings: toxic relationship, breakup, jealousy

I sat on my couch, staring at the TV, but I wasn’t really watching. The soft flicker of the screen cast shadows across the living room, but the sound was muted. My phone was in my lap, the screen dim, notifications silent. I could still hear the last voicemail Matt left, the one I hadn’t been able to delete yet. His voice had been even, calm, like nothing was wrong. But I almost felt it echo in my apartment.

"Just wanted to check in. Miss you" he had said, the words almost mechanical.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the burning ache in my chest. The truth was, I wasn’t sure what he missed, because lately, it felt like we were just pretending everything was fine. The version of "us" I had built up in my mind had begun to unravel, but every time I thought of confronting it, I backed away, lying to myself that things would get better if I just waited.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, the weight of it all pressing down. I’d been holding onto something that was already slipping through my fingers.

The texts were sporadic now, and the calls even less frequent. Sometimes, when Matt did reach out, it felt like he was doing it out of obligation, out of some sense of duty to the version of us that used to be. I could hear it in his voice, the way his words lacked the warmth they once had, the way he filled the silences with meaningless chatter. There was no depth anymore. It was like we were both trying to keep up the illusion, neither willing to face what was actually happening.

I unlocked my phone and opened our iMessages. The last message was from a week ago. A simple "Sorry, busy this weekend." from Matt, with no explanation, no attempt to reschedule. I’d responded with an “okay” not wanting to push him. I knew he wasn’t busy. He just wasn’t bothered. But now, staring at that single word, I hated it. I hated how passive I had become. I had let this whole thing drag on for weeks, maybe even months, hoping at some point Matt would realise what we were losing.

But deep down, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Matt wasn’t going to change his ways. There was no more effort he was going to put into this. He brought so much baggage into our relationship, baggage I was willing to work through. But I can’t do it all for him. Sure, he might call or send a text now and then, but the emotional connection was severed. What we had before was gone, and I had been too scared to admit it.

It hadn’t always been like this. When we first met, things were easy. We clicked in a way that made me feel like I’d found someone who really understood me, someone who saw me for who I was. The late night talks, the spontaneous road trips, the quiet moments where we didn’t need to say anything at all. We spoke about our hopes and dreams, about our previous relationships, I opened up about how past partners have always seemed to let me down, and he took that opportunity to make me believe he would never do the same. I'd never felt so sure of something in my life. It fit the fantasy I always had.

But now? He just felt pretentious. Now it felt like I was constantly trying to reach him, but he was always just out of my grasp. Every time I tried to get him to open up, he’d brush me off with a joke, or worse, with silence. And the more he pulled away, the harder I tried to hold on. I was chasing something that no longer existed, and I was starting to hate myself for it.

I stood up, pacing the small space of my living room. I walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back slightly, looking out at the empty street below. The night was still, the air thick with humidity. I wanted to scream, to shake Matt, to make him see that we couldn’t keep pretending anymore. But I couldn’t. Every time I had the chance to bring it up, I chickened out, afraid that if I said the words aloud, it would make everything real.

I wanted to believe that he thought about me, that he missed me, that he was just as torn up inside as I was. But with each passing day, it became harder to convince myself of that. The Matt I knew - the one who used to make me laugh until my stomach hurt, who sent stupid memes in the middle of the day just to make me smile, was gone. Or maybe he had never really been there, and I had just been seeing what I wanted to see.

I knew what I had to do, and hoped it wouldn’t hurt as much as I thought it would losing Matt, but losing the version of myself that had existed when we were together. I wouldn’t miss the girl who didn’t second guess every word, every action, who didn’t feel like she was constantly on the edge of falling apart.

I grabbed my phone again, my fingers trembling as I opened his contact. I didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t know what I wanted to say. But I needed to say something.

Hey. Can we talk? I typed, then stared at the message for a long moment before hitting send.

My heart pounded in my chest as I waited, staring at the phone like it might explode. The seconds dragged on, stretching into minutes. No reply.

I let out a shaky breath, feeling the familiar sting of rejection settle in. I tossed the phone onto the couch and sank down beside it, pulling my knees to my chest once more.

I wished I could tell him how I really felt. That I was terrified of losing him. That the thought of not being with him made my chest ache in a way I couldn’t explain. But I also knew that if I said those things, it wouldn’t change anything. Matt would still be distant, still slipping further away, and all my words would do was confirm what we both already knew: that this was ending, and neither of us had the strength to stop it.

Hours passed, the night slipping away as I lay on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. My phone buzzed, and I scrambled to grab it, my heart leaping into my throat.

But it wasn’t Matt. It was my best friend, Emma.

You up? the text read.

I stared at the message, debating whether to reply. I didn’t really feel like talking, but at the same time, I couldn’t bear to be alone with my thoughts any longer. So I texted back a quick Yeah, what’s up?

A minute later, Emma’s name lit up my screen with an incoming call. I hesitated before answering, my voice thick as I spoke. “Hey.”

“Hey” Emma’s voice was soft, concerned. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you holding up?”

I swallowed, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m fine” I lied.

Emma didn’t buy it. “You don’t sound fine.”

I closed my eyes, the tears I’d been holding back threatening to spill over. “I just.. I don’t know what to do. Matt is pulling away, and I don’t think we can fix it. I keep waiting for him to come back, but he’s not. And I feel so stupid, like I’m the only one who still cares.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Emma spoke again. “You’re not stupid. You’re just.. human. You’re allowed to care. But you can’t keep blowing smoke, pretending like everything’s okay when it’s not.”

My chest tightened at her words. Emma was right. I had been blowing smoke, convincing myself that if I just waited long enough, if I was patient, Matt would come back. But deep down, I knew the truth. He was already gone.

“I just don’t know how to let go.” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“I know” Emma said softly. “But sometimes, letting go is the only way to stop hurting.”

After the call ended, I sat in silence, Emma’s words echoing in my mind. Maybe it was time. Time to stop pretending, stop holding onto something that wasn’t real anymore.

I picked up my phone again, my heart heavy as I opened Matt’s contact one last time. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, and for a moment, I thought about typing out a long message, telling him how I felt, how much I missed him, how much it hurt to let him go.

But instead, I typed two words: Goodbye, Matt.

I hit send, then deleted his contact. It wasn’t closure. It wasn’t the ending I wanted. But it was the ending I needed.

I leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, the silence around me thick and heavy. I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. I would stop blowing smoke, stop pretending that everything was fine.

I would learn to let go.

-

I stood in front of the mirror, pulling my hair into a loose bun, catching my own reflection in the dim bathroom light. Reflecting back on the last few weeks since I ended things with Matt,I had spent too many nights crying over him, too many sleepless hours replaying our last few months, trying to pinpoint the exact moment it all started to fall apart. But that was behind me now. 

I felt freer now. There was nothing left to hold onto, no reason to keep chasing after someone who had already made his choice. Matt had moved on, and if I was honest, so had I, at least on the surface. I bit the bullet, and it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe that was because I had already felt the sting so many times before, watching him slip away slowly, his texts becoming more like formalities, his affection a ghost of what it once was.

But even though I had let him go, there was still that thought, one I couldn’t shake. It lingered in the back of my mind like a stain I couldn’t scrub out. The thought of him kissing someone else. I hated it. I hated the thought of his lips on hers, hated that I could picture it so clearly even though I’d never seen it happen. It was a wound that reopened every time I allowed myself to think about it. I had to tell myself this was all for the best, that eventually it would all make sense, but some part of me still cringed at the thought.

I wondered if he was with her now, trying to shake off the jealousy that curled around my heart like a thorny vine. I could picture it too clearly - him, standing in her doorway, while she lay on her bed waiting for him. I clenched my jaw. I’ve seen the pictures of her on Instagram, it made me wonder if she was just as pretty in real life. The thought hit me like a flash of cold water. I usually would never go searching for this new girl online, I never wanted to put myself through that kind of self-inflicted comparison, but this time I couldn’t help myself.

They don’t even strike me as two people who have much in common, what do they even talk about? That was the thing about Matt, he could fake it so well. He had a way of making you feel special, like you were the only one in the room, even if his mind was somewhere else. And I knew, deep down, that he wasn’t really in it with this new girl either. It wasn’t about connection. It was about a new thrill that allowed him to avoid the weight of everything he carried, the emotional baggage he was too scared to unpack.

But people always bought it. Matt had always had this way of shining, of standing out, even when he didn’t try. But his light wasn’t real. It was a reflection, bouncing off the surfaces of the women he charmed, hiding the darkness underneath. I knew what he was. I’d seen it. I knew how he pulled away when things got hard, how he used other people to bury his problems instead of dealing with them. I let out a soft sigh, I knew Matt was doing what he always did - running. Running up another hill, to another girl who he would put on a pedestal for a short time, who would help him hide from the pieces of himself he didn’t want to face. He wasn’t looking for love, he was looking for escape. I wondered how long it would last this time, how long before he felt the weight again and started drifting away from her too.

I leaned against the sink, staring down at my hands. I knew something the new girl didn’t. I knew everything Matt kept hidden, everything he’d tried to drown it behind his easy smile and surface level charm. I knew about the nights he couldn’t sleep, about the way he’d freeze up whenever things got too real, too close. I knew that no matter how far he ran, no matter how many women he kissed, he couldn’t outrun himself.

And that was the difference between me and him. While he's out sleeping around, I'm sleeping alone. And I’m completely fine with that. At least one of us is healing, and not drowning our sorrows on nights out, looking stupid. I thought bitterly, picturing him at some bar, flashing that bright smile at someone new, pretending like he had it all together, throwing himself at anything that’s got a pulse. The thought stung, but it wasn’t far from the truth. Matt wasn’t looking for something real anymore, he was looking for something easy, something that didn’t ask too much of him.

I smiled to myself, a small, bitter smile. I knew Matt. I knew he wasn’t as carefree as he liked to pretend. I knew eventually, he would think of me , late at night, when he couldn’t sleep. He’d think about the way he had left things unresolved, about the girl who had seen him for what he was and still loved him. He’d think about me, and he’d feel something, maybe not regret, but an emptiness that the new girl couldn’t fill. He’d feel the weight of it, even if he never admitted it to himself.

I shook my head, knowing that Matt was just going through the motions, letting this new girl believe she was special, letting her think she could be the one to fix him. But I knew better. I had been that girl. I had thought I could fix him too, thought I could be the one to make him stay. But Matt wasn’t someone who stayed. He was someone who drifted.

They’re just blowing smoke, I thought, brushing my hair back from my face. Like history repeating itself. I imagined the new girl’s friends, telling her how lucky she was to have found someone like Matt, how charming he was, how sweet. But it was all an illusion. They didn’t know him like I did. I know everything they don’t.

And that was my power now. I knew the truth. I knew that Matt wasn’t the perfect guy he pretended to be. I knew about the insecurities he hid, the emotional distance he couldn’t bridge. And knowing that, really knowing it, made it easier to move on. Because I could see him clearly now, without the rose tinted glasses I had once worn.

I stood up straight, looking at my reflection one last time. I wasn’t the girl who had fallen for Matt anymore. I wasn’t the girl who had waited for him to come back, who had spent nights wondering where she had gone wrong. I was stronger now. I had let him go for my own peace of mind, and for the first time in a long time, I felt free.

I turned off the bathroom light and walked into the quiet of my apartment, my footsteps light. Matt could keep running, keep searching for something that would never fill the void inside him. But I was done. I didn’t need to chase after someone who was always running away.

I knew the truth, and that was enough.

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss

[mountedeverest]

7x10 Coda | BuckTommy date + Bobby call | T

Starts cute and then I rip your heart out 🙃😘 sorryyyyy

NP tags 💖 @tizniz @hippolotamus

“Not to be a U-Haul lesbian but if you keep cooking like that every time, I’m gonna have to ask you to move in.” Tommy said, bringing the glass of wine to his lips once more.

Buck almost choked on his own wine as he ducked his head and laughed nervously. “Don’t tempt me ‘cause I’ll say yes.”

Buck lifted his eyes to reach Tommy’s, half hopeful in spite of him. They both knew it would be too soon, but Buck’s emotional baggage and fear of abandonment still rang a clear ‘what if’ in his head. Though they may have been joking, Evan’s eyes betrayed him, as if to say ‘I’m serious. If you ask me now, I’ll say yes.’

“Interesting.” Tommy answered, gaze lingering. His eyes narrowed, the corners of his mouth curled upwards slowly, tightly from atop his wine glass, a shield between them. His eyes said something as well, ‘Not now, but soon.’

The air now hung heavy, promise being held back by the fear of spooking the other, overshadowed by immense desire and suffocating devotion. Buck was so giddy he could burst.

“Be-besides, many lasagnas were sacrificed for this skill. The cooking, I mean.”

“Aaah so that was the smell here the other night.” Tommy laughed. His nose scrunched up and Buck could melt. Just like that, the tension was gone. Buck squirmed in his seat all the same, like his skin was too tight, except he loved it. With Tommy, Buck felt exposed in the best way, like every nerve was a string on an instrument, every touch a new note in a new melody. It made him feel so alive.

They ate, and they talked, kicked their feet under the table. Fingers lingered upon fingers, pinkies touching in a whisper of a touch only to momentarily satisfy the itch of being apart. Their chairs pulled closer as they leaned in further in their conversation, and their wine glasses emptied and filled up, and emptied and filled up. Every moment they inched closer without noticing, knuckles now brushing against the side of a thigh, or fingers idly tracing up a forearm.

Soon, they were so close they could feel each other’s air. Buck broke first, a small satisfied groan escaping him when he finally closed the distance between Tommy and him.

It wasn’t long before Tommy pulled Buck into his lap, the chair wincing slightly in protest. Hands soon found purchase everywhere they could: hair, neck, shoulder blade, ass cheek. Dirty dinner plates and near empty wine glasses were now abandoned for desert. Perfectly sweet and with just enough bite, Tommy tasted exquisite.

Things heated up fast, becoming sloppy and needy and everything Buck needed to be right now. He felt the burning shape of Tommy’s massive hands under his shirt, dipping into the back of his pants, gripping at hard flesh. Every slight rock of their bodies together punched little gasps out of Buck, like he’d forgotten how to breathe properly.

“I can’t fuck you in this chair.” Tommy grunted between two biting kisses, sounding lost. His eyes were swimming in Buck’s, pupils blown wide.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go up to my bed.” Buck dove in for another deep kiss, tongue rolling and swirling against Tommy’s own, and then another, and another. They were unable to tear away from each other, even as they made their way to the stairs and up the loft. They’d reached the top when Buck’s phone started to ring from where he’d left it on the kitchen island.

They let it ring until it stopped, hands going to buttons and belts. Then, Tommy’s phone started ringing, which gave them pause for the first time that night.

“Whoever’s trying to reach you seems adamant. I better answer.”

Reluctantly, Buck let Tommy trot back down the stairs to pick up his offending phone.

“Go for Kinard.”

Buck made his way down the stairs and plastered himself softly behind Tommy, hugging him loosely as his fingers toyed with the hem of Tommy’s shirt.

“Okay. Yeah. Which one?” Tommy placed his free hand on top of Buck’s, soothing and stopping him at the same time. “Okay. We’re on our way.”

Buck froze then. Something was wrong. Tommy sighed and hung his head. From the back, Buck couldn’t see his expression, but he felt the tensing in his back, like hackles raising.

“W-what’s wrong?”

“That was Hen. Bobby… something happened, he and Athena are in the hospital. She’s fine but Bobby, it’s… it’s not good.”

If Buck were made of glass, there would be a very apparent crack going through him head to toe right about now. Gears started turning in his head, but with absolutely no coordination. Usually in a crisis, he could tell the order of things, which questions to ask and when. Now, he felt like a mess of Christmas lights, unable to see the beginning or the end of the cable for the tangle in between.

“Hey, hey hey stay with me Evan, don’t go there yet.” Tommy took hold of Buck’s shoulder, searching for his gaze in eyes that now stared at nothing. “I’m taking you to the hospital, I’m driving. I’ll grab you a coat, just put your shoes on I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Tommy?”

Tommy stopped, looked back eyes wide at his boyfriend. Buck looked so small, his eyes rimmed red and threatening to spill with tears.

“Bobby’s not just my captain, y’know?” Buck’s voice sounded strangled, like wrestled from deep within. “He’s pretty much my dad, I-I can’t lose him.” He looked so scared.

Tommy’s eyes softened and filled with sadness as he grabbed Buck into a big hug, squeezing him tight and bringing Buck’s face into his chest.

“You won’t, baby. You won’t.” Tommy murmured softly as he held Buck, promising that also to himself, hoping that luck once again favoured them tonight and that Bobby would be okay, that Buck would be okay.

[theemporium]

congrats on 10k! could i request 💜56. "If you don’t want to spend the night in an empty house, you could always come over to mine." with quinn pls and ty!!

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

56. "If you don’t want to spend the night in an empty house, you could always come over to mine."

.

“Well, home sweet home!” 

Quinn shot you a look. 

“God, stop looking at me like that,” you groaned, trying—and mostly failing—to hide your shaky hands from the boy as you shoved your key in the lock and pushed the door open. It felt cold and unsettling and disconcerting. 

So, an accurate summary of the last forty-eight hours for you.

“Like I’m worried about you?” Quinn retorted, following you into the house. His shoulders were tense, his eyes sharp and his whole body on edge like he was expecting something to jump out and attack you both. To be fair, it wasn’t wildly out of the realm of possibilities. 

“Like I am a caged animal you think is going to bite your hand off if you try to feed me,” you corrected, moving to shrug your jacket off like you would usually do before thinking better of it. Instead, you wrapped the fabric around you tighter. “This is how the rest of my life is going to be, guess I should get used to it.” 

Quinn frowned. 

“I mean, twenty-four hours ago, I thought I was having a psychotic break but it’s great to know that I’m actually a descendant of a very powerful witch who pissed off a lot of powerful people and now they are using me to get their revenge!” You laughed, bitter and toeing the edge of another breakdown. It was bad enough that Quinn had seen you cry multiple times in the last two days, you didn’t need him to see it again. 

“It’s a lot, I know,” Quinn murmured and before you could realise what he was doing, he was pulling you towards him and wrapping his arms around you into a tight hug. “You’re coping better than any normal person would.” 

“Guess it’s because I’m not a normal person,” you joked, but it fell flat. 

Quinn’s arms tightened around you, the warmth of his body seeping into yours. "If you don’t want to spend the night in an empty house, you could always come over to mine."

You let out a sigh. “Quinn, I—”

“Or I can sleep here, on the couch,” Quinn continued, pulling back enough to look down at you with his brows furrowed. “I don’t want to leave you alone right now. Not with a city full of angry ghosts coming after you.” 

You flashed him a small smile. “Don’t think you’re big enough to scare them off.”

He puffed his chest out a little. “I could be.” 

You snorted.

“You’ve had an intense few days. And I know you don’t want to be alone either,” he murmured, lifting his hands to gently hold your face. “You’re not alone in this. We are gonna work this out together, promise.” 

“A werewolf and an amatuer witch on the case,” you snorted but your expression softened a little. “You sure you’re okay with housing a witch with no control over her powers and centuries of emotional ghost baggage?” 

Quinn’s lips twitched. “If it’s you? Always.” 

You smiled a little. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “C’mon, let’s pack a bag and get out of here. I feel like I am being watched by a bunch of dodgy ghosts.” 

You snorted. “We probably are.”

“How comforting.”

.

[sammygender]

thoughts on how the sam & dean part of the fight before sam left for stanford went !

i am addicted to thinking about precanon so thank you for this <33

i think people r generally way too optimistic about how that initial seperation between them went. dean is awful to sam about stanford even years after he left and years after he came back!! hes still very visibly angry about it in s5 which is NINE YEARS after he left in the first place and refuses to even tolerate the idea it was a good moment for sam. i cannot comprehend how people think 22 year old dean had the emotional maturity to even let sam go without a fight, nevermind be supportive about it.

like. theres this amazinggg art on here of sam hitchhiking to stanford and all the comments are like 'erm that black eye would be from JOHN actually!' (side note but it is so funny to me how spn fans decide john hit them based on implication (which i agree w... to an extent...) but dean hitting sam onscreen multiple times somehow translates to 'DEAN WOULD NEVER DO THAT'. erm. okay.) 'nooo dean would've given sam a lift!'

and like. what show are you watching. if dean would've given sam a lift he would've done it to the bus station in moody silence and then locked the doors of the impala so sam couldn't get out to catch his bus to stanford and they would've started physically fighting for the car keys and dean eventually wouldve let sam get them and sam wouldve left. or something. but it would not be some sweet brotherly moment bc that directly contradicts canon <3

i do think the worst of the fight is between sam & john - that's always what's implied in canon - and in my head dean's just standing there stonefaced maybe refusing to even talk to sam until theyre left alone somehow and he breaks. but i also think dean hits sam at some point, will always have the image in my head of sam showing up to stanford w a bloody nose and fending off questions. (internally hes like no my dad didnt do this it was my brother so its fine. <3.) theres a scene like this in one of my fics so im just drawing from that. but. like....

idk how dean/john finds out. if dean found out before john, i think dean probably wouldve run to him about it in an attempt to get sam Not To Go as much as it would be nice if he didnt, so i reckon they have to find out at about the same time. i think sam is unsure what to expect from dean, who of course (as far as we see both in flashbacks and in canon) alternates between genuine care and support and angry, desperate possessiveness. he probably hopes for the best and expects the worst and gets the worst.

there r definitely lots of different ways it could go....maybe sam tells dean and dean tells john. maybe sam tells john without telling dean at all and thats how dean finds out which totally wrecks him. maybe sam tells them both at the same time. maybe sam never tells them and they find the acceptance letter. this is why stanford fight is sooo fascinating. i feel like i could write five different versions of it and all would be possible/interesting.

but whichever way, i just dont see dean as contradicting john. he generally Doesnt Ever precanon, this is established, he admits it himself, thats why its such a huge moment when he defends sam at the end of s1.....sam going on about dean 'protecting him' is 1. more subtle and probably to do with dean being the one to shoulder most of johns emotional baggage than the heller misinterpretation of 'john hit dean but not sam and thats what this means!!!' (tho i am sure dean did genuinely Protect sam sometimes including from physical violence. of course he did. this isnt to discredit that..i just emphasise the Sometimes.). and 2. partially just classic Sam Rewriting History (u always protected me from dad, from lucifer....girl he did those things very little certainly not always. know your worth sam winchester).

so if dean gives sam a very angry lift (to a nearby bus station...there is absolutely zero fucking way hes driving him to stanford and tbh i already find this quite unlikely but possibilities r interesting) its on john's say-so or at least not disapproval. which like. sure maybe. john certainly is concerned about sam's safety even after he kicks him out, checking up on him at stanford etc, id believe that hed want to ensure sam Gets there even if the fight ended up so bad he told sam he couldnt come back. tho hes stubborn and i dont think hed say it. so maybe itd be a case of dean kind of picking up that that's what john wants and complying even though right now half of him wants to never see sam again and the other half wants to tie him to the radiator so he can never leave. sorry i am literally brainstorming fic ideas in this ask answer now.

anyway....SORRY id say long ass answer as always but this is actually INSANELY long......sorry guys im about to embark upon getting tested for adhd and maybe then my rambles will be, while not shorter in length, more cohesive? tldr fandom is wrong dean is an absolute ASS during stanford fight. obviously sam leaving devastates him and how does dean cope with devastation or perceived abandonment do we think?? hm?? he is just as angry as john for the same and different reasons. and thats really so much more interesting than him being Secretly Supportive. <3

[wonwoonlight]

my daisy special: little flower | kim mingyu

➝ CEO!Mingyu x Reader

➝ fluff // slice of life // marriage!au // est relationship // a little angsty // hurt comfort..?

➝ warning: mentions of pregnancy (it's literally the plot jshdbf), mentions of sex (no smut scenes), soft Mingyu D:

➝ word count: 4.6~k

A/N: hi! it's been some time since i write this couple. ngl i miss them so much and it gets me a little giddy to see them still popping up in my notif haha. anyway! i'm posting this as a celebration for my 3k milestone, i really i wish i could've written more but i'm happy with how this turns out and i hope this suffice hehe thank you for the love you've been giving to my daisy and please enjoy!! do tell me what you think about it🩷

my daisy masterlist

[✾✾✾]

You have a set of problems.

You’re pregnant.

You don’t know how to tell Mingyu and Gyuri. 

And, last but absolutely not least because it’s the one that you think is the biggest of them all:

3. Gyuri just told you she doesn’t want a sibling anymore.

Biting your lip to the point where it almost bleeds, all sorts of feelings run through you as you stare at the three pregnancy tests in front of you. All of them are positive, which didn’t come off as a much of a surprise, if you’re being completely honest.

You noticed the symptoms almost immediately weeks ago, but you didn’t want to jump into conclusions and a part of you wanted to brush them off as something else–everything else. Oh, you threw up? Perhaps you ate something wrong. Oh, you’re lightheaded? You definitely didn’t sleep enough the night before. Oh, your period is late? Happens sometimes when you’re a little too stressed.

You were just delaying taking the test. But, deep down, you knew.

How could you not when you and Mingyu haven’t been using any sort of protection for the past year? It’s not that you’re trying for a kid, but the both of you have decided that whatever happens, happens. You’ve seen a lot of people hoping to conceive and unfortunately not get pregnant even after years have passed.

If you somehow get pregnant without even trying, you’ll just accept that it’s what you’re meant to do. 

Plus, you don’t think the both of you would ever be ready for a kid if you plan to have one–nor the emotional baggage that would come if you decide to try only to find out you’re not pregnant just yet.

So, after a lot of thinking and Gyuri’s 7th birthday last year, the both of you agree to just forego protections since. If you end up getting pregnant, it’ll just be a pleasant surprise. You both would love to be pregnant, and you’d like to think you’re mentally (and financially) prepared enough from that point onwards.

Okay.

First thing first.

“Baby?” Mingyu knocks on the bathroom door, wondering if something’s wrong because you’re way too silent and it’s been a whole ten minutes since you’ve excused yourself to the bathroom. “You okay?”

You blink back the tears at his voice, still staring at the pregnancy tests in front of you. You’re happy, you really are, and you know Mingyu would be elated.

But Gyuri?

It was just last month that she declared she’s not up for the sister life.

“Ma, I don’t think I want siblings anymore.” She said out of nowhere when she was cuddling with you. Mingyu was outside the city for a business trip, so the two of you decided to have a girls’ night; complete with the disney movies, pizzas, ice cream, and everything else that definitely left Gyuri too high on sugar by the end of the night.

“Yeah?” You tried to indulge her, though something inside you dropped at the revelation. Gyuri had always been excited at the prospect of being a sister, and she played the older sister role very well with Junseo, Jennie’s son. What changed? “Why?”

“Junseo is enough.” She shrugged, playing with the material of your pajamas. “Also… I don’t want to lose you.”

You laughed at that, but quickly got concerned when Gyuri seemed to be fairly serious about what she had just said.

“You wouldn’t lose me, Flower.” You reminded her with a kiss and a tight hug. “What made you think so?”

“You’d need to take care of the baby all the time…” she trailed off, and you once again wondered what made Gyuri to be this much attuned to her own feelings when she’s only seven. “Dunno… I just want you and Papa for myself.”

“Oh, my little Lili.” You pulled away at her words, cupped her face and reminded her that you’d never abandon her, siblings or not. She didn’t look convinced, though you couldn’t blame her because you kind of understood where she’s coming from.

Gyuri had been an only child for all her life. It was probably a little lonely, but she received all the love she needed and wanted from every single person around her. When Junseo came around, she was just excited that she finally had a friend, some sort of distant relative, and she readily took the older sister role for him.

But you knew sometimes she found him annoying. They’re kids, could you blame them? But Gyuri was a little too mature for her own good, and she’d just run to you or Mingyu when Junseo annoyed her instead of fighting him like any other child her age would. She wouldn’t even cry out of frustration.

She’d frown, try to tell Junseo off, and if he still didn’t listen, she’d just leave and settle by her parents’ side.

It worried you, if you’re to be completely honest. You and Mingyu had never asked her to suppress her feelings, but Gyuri rarely threw a tantrum and the both of you had been worried that it would eat her inside out at some point.

“Just me, you, and Papa.” She closed the discussion, hugging you tighter and eventually falling asleep on your lap.

“Daisy?” Mingyu tries once again, and even calls your name when you still don't answer. You take a deep breath and straighten your posture. Okay, no use doing a grand announcement to Mingyu. He’d be happy either way and you’d rather tell him immediately. You both have more important things to think about than a surprise: Gyuri’s possible reaction to this.

“Coming,” you finally answer before opening the door.

Mingyu looks concerned, not wasting any second to ask if you’re okay. He’s a little startled when you grasp his hands, holding them tight before asking him not to freak.

“Daisy, you’re scaring me.”

You manage to give him a smile though, because despite the worries, you are happy to know you’re pregnant. There’s a life growing inside you–a baby that is both a mix of you and your husband.

As much as you worry about Gyuri, you’re still giddy at the fact that you’re finally pregnant–that your family is growing. And a part of you is relieved that Gyuri’s reaction is the only thing that seems to be of concern. Everything else is fine. If there’s any problem, they’re not big enough for you to think of them now.

Perhaps seeing Mingyu helps too. Because now you’re biting your lip to stop yourself from grinning too hard. You just knew his reaction would be priceless and you can’t wait to let him know about your current situation.

“Daisy, don’t play with me.” He frowns at the sudden change of your mood, but complies when you pull him into the bathroom. 

He’s a little confused when you keep your silence, and he’s just about to ask again when he notices the sticks in front of the mirror. You feel him freeze for three whole seconds, and you finally grin when he turns to you, as if making sure that it’s what he thinks it is.

You nod even if he’s not saying anything, and it’s him who surprises you because Mingyu tears up and he almost whimpers if not for the fact that you jump to hug him. The whole situation is a little funny, but it’s not appropriate to laugh just yet so you let him have his moment. Years from now when your kids are old enough to understand, you'll definitely bring this up just so you can all tease him together.

He sniffles as he buries his head on your shoulder, which you’re sure is very uncomfortable due to his height. Mingyu doesn’t seem to care though, and he hugs you tighter like you’ll disappear if he doesn’t.

“Gyu?” You finally call him after a while, and he lets you pull away so he can look at you. He’s not crying, but his eyes are glossy and he’s still sniffling as if to hold back his tears. 

You've seen this before. Twice, to be exact. The first time was when he finally proposed properly (whatever that meant) even though he already knew you'd say yes. The second time was on your wedding day, when you finally reached him at the end of the aisle with Gyuri holding your hand.

You smile softly as you search for his face, then you cup his face to pull him down for a gentle kiss. The feel of his breath against your face still makes you fuzzy inside, and when Mingyu presses his lips deeper into yours, a giggle escapes your lips until eventually he joins in, bringing you back in time and to some other universe where you go to the same highschool together, and you're a high-school couple still fresh in love.

“When should we go to the doctor?”

“We can go tomorrow?” You offer, reminding him his parents are in town. “Leave Lili with your mom? And then we can tell her too after.”

“Tomorrow it is.” He squeezes you once more with a happy grin, but only then realizes that you’re holding something back. “You okay?”

“Lili is in the living room with Wonwoo and the others, right?” He nods. “Let’s talk in our room, then.” 

You haven’t been able to tell Mingyu about your talk with Gyuri that day and now seems like the perfect time to do so. He listens to you quietly, and you see the way his face falls as you tell him everything, the way it clicks to him why his daughter seems more reluctant to play with Junseo nowadays.

“I’m happy, Gyu. I really am. But Lili…”

“We’ll talk to her. Let’s think about it after the doctor appointment tomorrow, okay?”

You nod. It’s almost magic the way you relax at his words and his touch. And as you catch Mingyu looking at your stomach with a dazed smile, you let yourself be happy and push your worry to the back of your mind.

[✾✾✾]

Mingyu cries when the doctor does the ultrasound and confirms you’re pregnant.

[✾✾✾]

“What about names?”

You laugh at the big puppy that is your husband. Sometimes you wonder what would Seungkwan do if he ever catches Mingyu like this. For someone that is practically a big pile of mush when it comes to you, Mingyu is unexpectedly very good at keeping it low at work.

You thought he’d crack with Seungkwan eventually. But no. Even when you’re out for a friendly dinner after work, Mingyu would keep the PDA to a minimum. There’s some sort of pride battle going on between the two men that you’d never be able to figure out.

“I think we’d need to find out about the gender first before starting to pick names, Gyu." 

“I mean… we can always just look for unisex names first…” He pouts a little, which urges you to kiss him. So you do exactly that, catching him by surprise though he’s definitely not complaining.

Mingyu hums into the kiss, his palm cupping your face and his thumb caressing the apple of your cheek.

“You’re very excited about this, aren’t you?” You pull away, just enough distance between your lips to talk.

“Mhm.” He drops another peck before entirely pulling away. He pauses before he continues, his palm never leaving your face as some sort of melancholy fills his eyes. “I didn’t… get to do this during… well, Gyuri’s pregnancy process.”

Your lips drop open to say something–anything. But nothing comes out, and you also know that anything you might’ve said regarding that part of his past wouldn’t help. So you decide to talk about what’s to come instead.

“Well, now we get to do this together for the first time.” You grasp the hand that’s on your face to give it a squeeze. “As long as we’re together, right?”

He tears up again, and you hold yourself back from teasing him and instead grin before you pull him into another kiss.

As long as you’re together.

[✾✾✾]

It’s almost a month later that you decide it’s time to let Gyuri know. You’ve told both of your families and your close circles, and while you initially thought you’d tell Gyuri once you start showing, after talking to your mom and Mingyu’s, they both agree that it’d be better to tell her sooner rather than later.

And here you are in her bedroom, sitting beside her as you break the news.

“But… I told you I don’t want a sibling.” She tears up. And as much as you’re ready for this reaction, it still breaks your heart to hear her say this again.

Mingyu drops to his knee to look into her eyes, his palms grabbing her small hands as he carefully chooses his next words.

“Can you tell me why?” Ha asks softly, and when Gyuri sniffles, her lips trembling as she stares back at him, he’s suddenly reminded of those years he had Gyuri all by himself. The time when he insisted that he could do it alone, that he didn’t need anyone’s help, and that Gyuri was his so he’d do everything on his own.

That he owed her that much.

It’s… been quite some time since he spent some time with her, huh? After you come into the picture, it never occurs to him that he might need to spend some alone time with Gyuri. The kid also seems happy with you around, and the last time he had gone out only with Gyuri had probably been… months ago when you went on a business trip.

“You told Mama already, yeah?” he tries one more time, and when she nods, he continues. “I want to hear from you, though. Can you tell me?”

“I don’t… want to share you and Mama.” 

Mingyu nods, then tells her how you’d love her still, that none of you are leaving her behind, that you need her to be with you.

“We will need you more because of this, Lili.” You caress her head. “I will need you to help me. Not only because of your sister or brother. We need you. Mama and Papa always do.”

“But–but you’ll still need to take care of the baby a lot…”

“Flower, we will take care of you both. No favorites, we promise. Please don’t think we’ll stop taking care of you because of the baby, okay?”

Gyuri shakes her head, and this time she drops her gaze to avoid yours as her lips start to tremble again. You share a worried look with Mingyu. You know Gyuri doesn’t want a sibling, and this is actually a problem that a lot of families have, but you still don’t have a clear grasp of how much this actually bothers her.

The both of you watch as Gyuri turns and falls into Mingyu’s embrace then circles her arms around his neck. She’s not sobbing, which is good, but it’s concerning just how upset she seems to be.

“Lili?”

She shakes her head, seemingly done with the conversation.

Mingyu throws you a look, then signs you to leave for a bit because, at the end of the day, Gyuri is still more honest with him than she is with you. Perhaps he can coax her a bit more like this. Just like the old times.

He takes her in his arms and sits on her bed, simply holds her on his lap as he lets her have her moment.

“Flower, will you look at me?”

She’s reluctant, but she pulls away and Mingyu almost regrets asking her to because she looks crestfallen. Is the idea of having a sibling that upsetting?

“It’s been long since it’s just us two, huh?” He says instead, smiling a little. Does she even remember the time when it’s just the two of them? She was three before you came into their lives. “I always share you with Mama now.”

“Papa miss Lili?”

“All the time.” He answers without missing a beat. “But Mama also does, that’s why I don’t mind sharing you with Mama. Do you want me to be selfish and take you for myself instead?”

Gyuri frowns and shakes her head. “No. Lili wants to be with Mama too.”

“You like Mama a lot, huh?”

She nods but doesn’t elaborate.

“Do you think we will stop loving you if you share us with your sibling, Li?”

The words from her lips come out as a mumble. Mingyu doesn’t really get what she’s saying, but he’s satisfied that she’s open to talk now.

“You know, when you were a baby, I didn’t want to share you with Grandma and Grandpa.” He says, thumb rubbing against her cheek. “I was afraid they’d take you away from me.”

“Why would they steal me from you?” She giggles at the prospect of her grandparents taking her away from him.

“I was just afraid I was not a good Papa for you.” Gyuri seems to have a hard time understanding this, tilting her head adorably that earns her a soft kiss on the forehead. “But Grandma and Grandpa just wanted to help. They didn’t want to take you away from me.”

She blinks at him, trying to see where this is going.

“The baby… won’t take us away from you, Lili. I know you’re worried, but I promise we will always, always love you. It’s because of you Mama and Papa are together, you know?”

Her eyes dim at the mention of the baby once again, and he tries to be patient for her sake, caressing her hair as he tells her a thousand reasons why you, him, and the baby need her. That she’s not getting left behind in any way.

“That’s not it.” She starts, her voice small. But her next words are never ones he expected.  “Lili… is not Mama’s baby.”

It takes Mingyu a few seconds to understand what she’s saying, and when he does, he’s cold with the realization that this scenario is also possible.

You were insecure about being a mother figure to Gyuri, afraid that you’re not enough for her. He has never imagined the same kind of insecurity would be present on Gyuri’s end.

She’s… insecure because she’s not your blood and this baby would be?

“Oh, Kim Gyuri…” He hugs her again, the puzzle finally clicking. “You’ll always be Mama’s baby. She loves you a lot. Remember when she took care of you when you were sick a long time ago? She wasn’t your Mama yet but she played with you and took care of you anyway.”

Gyuri probably doesn’t. But Mingyu does. How could he not when it’s probably the start of his relationship with you? 

“Do you want to talk about this with Mama?” He tries softly. “I think she will be able to understand more if you do.”

“Mama won’t be mad?”

He smiles at her worries, shaking his head and assuring her you wouldn’t be mad at all. “She will be sad if you’re upset, though. Do you want Mama to be sad?”

“No…”

“Let’s go?”

She nods and asks him to carry her. When they arrive in the master bedroom, you look up from the bed, looking concerned still.

Gyuri doesn’t say anything, but leans to you and reaches out her arms so you’ll take her instead.

“Hi, baby.” You kiss her head. “How are you feeling?”

She shrugs, but she leans on your shoulder and lets you caress her hair. Mingyu sends you a look. Apparently, whatever talk they had hasn’t really resulted in anything, not that you expect her to change her mind just like that. Still, Mingyu mouths something about asking Gyuri, so you do.

“You wanna tell me something?” She hesitates, so you do it first. “Can I share something with Lili, then?”

At her nod, you take a deep breath before you start.

“I’m afraid Lili won't like me anymore because of the baby.”

“What? No… Lili always like Mama.” She frowns. “Lili just… Baby…”

Mingyu sits on the bed next to you, encouraging Gyuri to continue as he tells her it’s okay. You look at him in question, but he doesn’t give you any answer. Perhaps the talk did result in something, after all.

“Mama won’t be mad, I promise.” He adds, making you even more confused. “Do you want me to tell Mama instead?”

She nods, burying her face on your shoulder to hide.

You urge Mingyu to talk, hugging Gyuri closer to reassure her that you’re not going to be mad at all.

“She said she’s not… your baby. But the baby will be.”

Huh.

What?

You need a moment to take that, Gyuri–what?

“Lili, what makes you think you’re not my baby?” You ask sadly, wondering if it’s okay to pull her away from your embrace. “I choose to love you, baby. And I will need you to help me take care of me now, not only the baby. Having this baby means I will need you around me more often, you know?”

You and Mingyu spend about another thirty minutes reassuring Gyuri nonstop, thirty long minutes that is luckily not spent calming her tears down. You don’t even know if that’s what you’re supposed to do; should you be giving her space instead?

But that’s always the thing about parenting, isn’t it? Sometimes you make the wrong choice and Gyuri gets the end of it, and sometimes you think you’ve pushed her too much only for Gyuri to actually get the message and fix her mistakes.

“And, you know, I think baby told me that they’re already very excited to see you.” You try another approach. “When this baby is born, you would need to teach them how to play and to draw and to use the bubble bath. Mama and Papa are too old for that.”

This seems to get her attention, and she asks if she can ask them to play with her big barbie house that Junseo seems to hate with all his heart.

“Anything you want, Flower. This baby is going to be your sibling, you can ask each other to play everything if you want, would you do that?”

“Hmm… Is it a brother or a sister?”

You share a smile with Mingyu at last. She’s no longer declining the idea, at least.

“We don’t know yet. Do you have a preference?”

“As long as they’re not annoying like Junseo.”

That you can’t be sure of, but you laugh with her to ease her mind. For all its worth, you’re actually a little touched that Gyuri cares that much about being your flesh and blood. It’s going to be different, your love for her and your love for the baby growing inside you. But you don’t think it would have anything to do with one of them being your own blood.

No.

It’s true. You choose to love Gyuri. She’s not your biological child, and you practically fell in love with her from the first time you saw her by herself in SVT Inc.’s building. But it’s not as easy as people believe it to be to keep on loving her. You have to constantly think about the line you need to keep as someone who’s not her mom, but you definitely care for her and love her too much to be just another person in her life.

Gyuri also depends on you a lot, sometimes even foregoing her father just so she can bask in your comfort. And after the whole fighting episode that ended up with Mingyu proposing to you, she’s even more clingy after it’s clear that she’s allowed to call you her Mama.

“So there’s… a baby… inside you?” She asks after a while, looking at you with wonder.

You take her hand with a smile and place her palm on your stomach. Obviously, none of you can feel anything just yet, but you tell her you’ll be able to in a few months and you'd like it if she’ll be there for it.

“You will have a lot of big sister things to do.” You tell her seriously. Gyuri likes having responsibilities (it’s definitely the perfectionism and hard-working tendency from her father), and if there’s any way where you can make her feel that she’s needed, you’re ready to let Gyuri do whatever she chooses to do. “Decorate the baby’s room, buy new toys, hmm… What more do you think we need to do, Gyu?”

Mingyu grins as you ask him this, and he pretends to think also before throwing the question to his daughter instead.

“What else, Li?”

She takes her time to think, which melts your heart to the point of nonexistence because you didn’t expect her to take things this seriously. And when she finally knows what to say, you almost tear up because you didn’t expect her to say that at all.

“Buy Mama a lot of food?” She offers, a frown on her face. “Eunji says her mom eats a lot when pregnant, is that true?”

“Oh, my baby.” You hug her hard and melt against her body. Gyuri is going to turn eight this year, and whilst she’s almost too big for you to hold now, sometimes it feels like she’s just the small girl you met five years ago. Has it really been five years since you’ve met her and Mingyu? “That is true, alright. And I think some people eat sooooo much ice cream during their pregnancy, will you eat them with me?”

Gyuri giggles at your exaggeration, though of course she happily nods at the prospect of too much dessert.

“I will make a list!” She suddenly jumps in excitement, wiggling on your lap. “So many toys to buy. Can I sleep with the baby? When will the baby come? What do they like?”

You tear up at the change of attitude, so it’s Mingyu who answers even if he wants to tease you about it.

“In nine months. And they will like whatever you get them. But don’t buy too much just yet, okay?”

“That’s so long!” She gasps.

“Yeah, but that means we’ll be all prepared, right?” He grins at her, one arm going around you while his other hand ruffles Gyuri’s hair. “You need to practice to be a big sister, too! Will you be able to do it?”

Gyuri nods vigorously, promising that she will be the bestest sister ever. “And I will help you too, Ma. You will call Lili everytime you need help?”

At this point, you’re already crying as you nod. Gyuri panics a little, tries her best to wipe your tears when Mingyu assures her that you’re crying because you’re happy.

“Do you want to see a picture of the baby? You can’t see them clearly, though.”

Surprisingly, Gyuri shakes her head. But before you can worry yet again, she beams and says she wants everything to be a surprise. “But tell me when you find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“You can come with us to the doctor when we find out, Flower.”

She squeals in excitement, the previous stand on wanting to be a big sister seems to have returned. Gyuri starts to ramble about the amusement parks and all her favorite places that she wants to visit with the baby, and you finally share a relieved smile with Mingyu.

He leans forward to peck your lips, whispering that he’s excited for another beginning for your family. The smile on his face is the most beautiful you’ve ever seen. With his heart full, he hugs you both tighter into his chest and simply laughs when Gyuri whines, asking him to let go.

[✾✾✾]

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don't allow any translations or reposting of my works.

A/N: thank you again for 3k!! see you on mwty special <3

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[moonsofmachinery]

when the yaoi has a little toxicity!!!!! aurora (pretty one) is by @skybristle dam (lame faggot) is by me!!!!

rant below (it's gay)

Aurora (A Glittering Aurora) is a very emotionally detached person, he's never truly formed any real connections and because of that she's completely adverse to commitment and will instead act as a mirror, reflecting a persons responses back at them to rile them up-- This is especially evident with DAM (Defying Amicable Management) who, as his name suggests, has an immense dislike for his (and all) Ancients.

Dam essentially has the iterator equivalent of 'Anger issues so intense you melt your insides as a result' which happens because he lacks the ability to control his emotions. Once they begin to climb, they're not coming down. It is very easy for Aurora to thus get a rise out of him. Prodding him, getting him upset and listening to him rant.

She often agrees with him to drive him on. But Dam isn't completely daft, he is a logical thinker and after awhile he notices Aurora's responses mirror his own. He doesn't understand Why he would be hiding his own thoughts and feelings on the matter. They've been speaking for so long and Dam is endlessly curious about Aurora. He's taken a liking to her, and wants to know what she's about.

But Aurora himself is so detached from everything that he himself has no idea who he is. If you asked her to tell you, she would sputter up the response that seems most suitable to you. Him and Dam are complete opposites, Dam is very stable in his self and his identity ; he is honest- blatantly so, and he believes in what he says, even in his anger. Aurora, meanwhile, is so used to molding herself to others image- he will make himself whatever he needs to be to drive a conversation, to create a show! that... she doesn't really even know herself.

Shipping them is essentially a slow burn of them both falling for each other early on and just... Staying together. Aurora is terrified of commitment- he's never stayed in one place before, but Dam is endlessly infatuated with her, he Adores her in a way he hasn't anyone else. And Aurora too, loves him. Dam has never been loved, and she has never loved.

They both have a ton of baggage and a part of them falling for each other is learning to cope with that baggage and understand each other and themselves more. Aurora hugs Dam, desperately begging for him to tell her who she is -- and Dam comes to Aurora, distraught and upset- on the verge of collapse as he is his only comfort in the mess of his emotions. They're learning how to love for the first time, and they mean a lot to me.

Okay my rant about them is done I hope anyone got anything out of this hiii minx if ur reading this i love our little guys can we play toys more.... :3