#bitter Cas feelings

[vaicomcas]

This hurts.

"Well, maybe...maybe we could go on a hunting trip. I mean, if you want to."

This hurts because of how tentative, how insecure Castiel was talking to his son, the son he chose, the son he put his faith in, the son he pledged his life to. Look at his body language, his downcast eyes, his self-deprecating shrug, his side-ways glance. He didn't know if Jack would even want to spend time with him.

This hurts because his insecurity was not self-inflicted. "I mean, I'll talk to Sam and Dean." Within the show's narrative of all three of them being co-parents (I will put my personal bias that Castiel was Jack's only father aside), Castiel was being respectful and considerate to consult Sam and Dean on making a decision about Jack. But Sam and Dean would never, have never consulted Cas on any decisions they make for, about, against Jack.

[confusedkittensposts]

The things is Castiel's story is a tragedy in many ways, any part you pick up it's a fall

May it be pre series, or stopping the apocalypse or the civil war, even the part where he becomes a Father

He is someone who has been manipulated and used and everyone just keeps chipping him away

When we meet him, he is presented as this outwardly, powerful being who everyone is scared of, but you meet him and you realise he is all that but also curious and facinated by the world the around him, it's new to him in many ways, and he still cares about it.

And he has opinions that don't necessarily go with his family but he isn't afraid to state them. He cares about his siblings, he has a relationship of understanding with most of them and mourns them as much as he can.

He judges Dean not based on how dean treats him but what dean does for others.

Castiel is someone who sees his own world fall apart with the rest of it and even when the world for others is saved he can never get back what he lost.

He looses his home, his family, the relationships he had for millions of years, he losses his powers. Like imagine, and I lot don't understand that it's not Cas + powers, he was created with them, he didn't just loose his ability to do some fancy tricks he lost what is equivalent to lossing your senses, your limbs.

Scratch mourning, he isn't even allowed to state the extent of his loss. He is only allowed grief and anger and hurt if it's for the Winchesters.

In Monster at the end of this Book, deanakes it very clear their relationship can only be transactional, he tell Cas if Cas doesn't help his he will never return the favour, and you know what he does after cas helps, and keeps doing for more than a decade he doesn't return the favour

Castiel asked Dean, begged him for trust, for support, more than once but he was mocked and rediculed and told loud and clear that he doesn't get anything, not even basic decency

Dean didn't convince Cas to reble, he ordered it and then got angry because Castiel took more than 30 seconds to give up everything he had known since before the beginning of time.

The Winchesters constantly prove Cas gets a place in the metaphorical table as long as he can bring something, give somthing

The Gadreel excuse is funny, because Gadreel told Dean, Cas couldn't stay. Throwing Cas out with nothing, cutting off communication with him, was Dean's decision, his choice. Because he couldn't spare a second thought for Cas

He learned that he couldn't trust memory, that it's had been violated, he had been violated. They took his memories from him. Do you wonder if it was angels who fought alongside him that took him Naomi when he disobeyed, or if others had to go through lobotomies because of him? Because he asked them to fight with him? Do you think cas did?

Castiel had to watch father look at him and not see him, he had to watch his father come and fight for Earth and Winchesters and not even think about angels.

He had to watch the man he loved point a gun at son's head, he had to watch his father, who turned out to nothing but a cruel, egoestical, uncaring puppeteer, kill his son. He had to watch his son's face being twisted into mockery towards him by a demon, he had burn his son

But it doesn't matter, right? Why would it? What's Castiel's grief, his pain, none of matters right?

Cause at the end of the day the only thing his life and death can be about is Dean Winchester

Because making a disabled, traumatized and suicidal character die, and be happy about it is best damn thing you can do to them

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Watching 9x22, and man the show can't let Cas have anything huh?

Dean disrespects his authority

Crowley's demons are better behaved than the circumstances the show forced to push Cas out of leadership. Sure the demons ended up betraying him but before that and they're freaking demons!

It's not that I think Cas should have to choose between Dean and his angel family. It's that the show should never force Cas to choose at all. I'm referring to when Hannah asked Cas to kill Tessa because the show had Dean kill Tessa to begin with, because they let Dean do the interview instead of Sam

Cas literally cannot choose other than Dean. Dean is one of the MCs. Dean's plot armour pretty much gives Cas no free will here. He can't kill Dean, because then the plot would have to divert from Metatron to bringing Dean back. So just make it so that Cas doesn't have to choose between Dean or his family

Dean: Cas lost his angel army! 😡

Yeah for you, Dean, you ungrateful dick!

[vaicomcas]

I hate that actually, to what extent they want to smear Castiel and make him a megalomaniac.

I suppose an alternate explanation is people spontaneously worshipped Castiel and established these statues out of their own free will, but no, clearly there intent is Cas is so full of himself he put statues of himself everywhere

I hate it so much

My first pitch for what happens at the beginning of Season 7 was that…you just…Basically, we’re in a world where Castiel is God. And there’s, like, a nine hundred foot tall statue of Castiel in every city. A man in a trench coat pointing…and just, like, have Sam and Dean go, “Fuck…” But we scaled back.

 —Ben Edlund (SDCC 2011) 

[jenanigans1207]

What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she can’t sleep and she expresses that she just doesn’t know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff he’s just observed by being their passenger for years.

And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like “Dean always wears more layers but that’s because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Sam’s. But that’s normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so it’s nothing to worry about.”

And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.

He’ll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when he’s upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when he’s anxious. He’ll tell her about Dean’s nightmares, about the ways he’s chosen to cope. He’ll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what he’s feeling without pushing him too far.

And with every word he says, Mary’s curious head tilt from when she’d seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. He’s telling her things that only someone very, very close to her son’s heart would know.

Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what they’ve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. He’ll tell her about Dean’s doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has loved— the people who loved him like he was their own— and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. He’ll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.

And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.

But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasn’t fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.

Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every mother’s dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.

It’s so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesn’t know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Dean’s sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.

Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things she’s not sure how to say— and the things she’s not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.

And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.

And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.

And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, he’ll be surprised— but pleased— to find Mary looking more at ease. He’ll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that she’s glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.

“I always said I’d like a third son.” She says, “so give him a reason to take our last name, won’t you?”

And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesn’t look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests he’s not against the idea at all.

And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like “Cas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope you’re hungry!”

[youchangedmedestiel]

I know it's fun and all that everybody is talking about Destiel.

And I'm like the first one reblogging many of those here. Balls deep Destiel and everything. Because like I said it's fun, and it's acknowledged while it wasn't the case AT ALL before.

But I have this feeling that they don't really talk about the love between Dean and Cas. The thing is I'm not shipping them because they are just two hot guys that I want to see make out on my screen.

I ship them because of the way they love each other. And I don't want them to believe that we just think of them as being two hot guys that needs to make out, because through the jokes it's what I'm getting. Really hope I'm wrong.

[soullessjack]

if I think too much about all of Jacks characterization and development and trauma that got rug swept by people focusing on literally anything else except jack even in his own centric episodes I start turning into Mr. Hyde.

[darkbetty]

Remember in 15x06 (t-minus 12 episodes before the “most caring man on earth” speech btw) when Dean literally almost brought Cas to tears by giving him a hard time on the phone and then hanging up on him when Cas needed his help to cover for him on a case. I think about it a lot because it’s FAR from the worst interaction Cas has ever had with Dean ESPECIALLY as of late, but it’s still the fact that Dean was clearly less interested in actually warning Cas about Chuck and more interested in making Cas feel guilty for leaving (even though Dean more or less pushed Cas out the door) and for not wanting contact with them. It was still awful enough of an interaction for Cas that it visibly frustrated him to such a point.

Because we know Cas is in the process of trying to leave a categorically abusive relationship here. He is obviously trying very hard to have no contact with Dean to the point of ignoring even Sam, so he definitely would not have wanted to fall back to calling the Winchesters’ fake FBI phone if it hadn’t been absolutely necessary for his investigation. He didn’t intend or want to talk to Dean himself but Dean forced it—and knowing Dean, it was almost certainly a power thing over any actual demonstration of care or worry for Cas’ wellbeing. Regardless of Dean’s intentions, though, it was clearly not an interaction Cas was comfortable with having, and even that relatively small amount of harshness from Dean over the phone was enough to bring Cas to this

So case in point is that this interaction on its own may not be the worst ever, and sure Dean did the bare minimum of covering for Cas and telling him about Chuck, but in the context of what happened before (Cas was more or less driven out of the bunker by Dean’s belligerence and refusal to cut him even the slightest break) and what Cas was trying to do (leave the person who was treating him poorly to the point of having no contact for his own personal wellbeing, and in the meantime solve a case in order to save people) then Dean using the situation to force Cas into talking to him only to guilt trip him and make him feel still beholden to Dean despite Dean himself having pushed Cas away, and then hanging up on him, is just. Incensing. 

[vaicomcas]

I understand now why godstiel went and healed the lepers. He was a leper too-- face and body breaking out with bloody blisters, constantly torn apart by invisible pathogens inside him, shunned and hated by his family and friends, receiving no love, no respect, only fear.

[aturnoftheearth]

girl who hasn’t made an amv in three months: what if i made three this month .

[kerryweaverlesbian]

The thing about Supernatural is it's like Buffy if Wilow was missing from 60% of the episodes and Xander was missing from a different 60%. It's like if on Deep Space Nine someone went to Quarks and he just wasn't there for no discernable reason. It's like if Norm regularly wasn't at the bar in Cheers for 6 episode spans but everyone still acts as if he's always there.

They keep building really good dynamic ensembles but they don't have the budget(?) to have them in most episodes and (most) seasons are a few episodes longer than they need to be so they have to say Mary is off with the BMoL and Kevin is busy doing tablet work and Cas is watching The Wire. The only people the in-and-out nature of their alliance really works for are Bobby, Crowley and Rowena because they legitimately DO have their own stuff going on that doesn't really need to be explored onscreen.

It's just crazy. Supernatural clearly WANTED to be an ensemble show, but it couldn't be. The practical outside force of "we can't have Castiel on the show that often and stay in budget" (validity of this idea is up for debate) influences the interior facts of the show, "Castiel frequently just isn't there and when he is there's very high emotional stakes because we don't have him long and need to make the most of it", which influences the interior character motivations and feelings, "Castiel isn't there because he's easily manipulated, headstrong, and wants to solve things by himself. The emotions are high when he is back because Dean LOVES him and feels deeply hurt when he's gone but he can never stop him leaving as long as the show is airing." And then those interior character feelings inform the plot of the show.

[vaicomcas]

They don't mean the same thing? I thought they did too.

"I really believe Castiel’s self-worth was at his highest in season 4."

Yeah. It may or may not be Chuck's subtle manipulation, but if you look at the arc I can't help thinking it was the show writers' not so subtle long term plan. The storyline brutally pushed him down the path of disaster after disaster to strip him of all sense of worth.

Season 5: "bad example of one (angel)."

Season 6: realizing that his fate was to be despised by his friends

Season 7: "I deserved to die"

Season 8: "I didn't deserve to be out" "I am I afraid I may kill myself."

Season 9: "the only one who screwed things up more consistently than you was me". "I am nothing."

Season 10: "there is no righteous path only those who try to do their best in a world where it's far too easy to be their worst."

Season 11: even Metatron can tell "you are broken". Told by Ambriel and Amara that he was expendable, used up.

Season 12: "I am not someone you should put your faith in."

Season 13: made to tell another version of himself (who was a grotesque caricature of evil)"we are the same" and stab him to death

Season 14: Told by his son "I know I am supposed to love you back, but I just can't."

Season 15: Told he was the reason why everything goes wrong. tells the human he saved he was "not a very good one (angel)" Gives all the credit of his sacrifices his choices his fight to save the world to Dean.

.

SPN deleted scenes → 10.23 - Brother’s Keeper ↳ Castiel has been told that he’s getting funnier.

[abyss55199794]

Ok but it makes sense jack didnt make all the monsters disappear because he is one and he feels kinship with them. he understands they are part of the food chain as much as humans are and respects them. Hunters on the other hand.

[gh-0-stcup]

The fuck did they do to Castiel.

[angelsdean]

dean's "you consider changing up your duds there?" at cas is bc he too was over the god-awful short trench coat

[420technoblazeit]

it's like. ok sam wants freedom so he can have his own autonomy and prove everyone who says he's destined to become evil wrong, dean wants freedom so he can see himself as more than just a soldier and have a normal life, and cas wants freedom so he can make his own choices outside of what the angels command him to do

but rowena and crowley want freedom so they can have control over their own circumstances because it's something they never had previously. they know what it's like to be at the mercy of other people and to feel weak, so they live their lives chasing after power at any cost because they've sworn to never return to that