#biology is hard and i don’t like it
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i went to tutoring today to be a good little college student and then i started crying because i couldn’t articulate to a man what i wasn’t understanding about my class
#webs#men are scary#a girl came over and helped me though#i still cried#biology is hard and i don’t like it
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life lifes hard when you realize that everything that you do depends on this small metabolism involving a bunch of tiny chemicals that carry smaller particles to power you up
#biochemistry#chemistry#biology#celluluar respiration#glycolysis#ETC#how the fuck does one memorize all of this#i have an exam in two days#but man this class makes me appreciate what life is in a smaller scale#metabolism really makes you think what would happen if the smallest thing goes wrong#it’s like clockwork which makes it really cool methinks#but I’m not excited to take the exam#I hope I don’t fail :(#life lifes hard#academics#college
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school is kicking our collective asses time to sleep for 10 hours and be lazy and regret not doing schoolwork wheeeeee
(more context in tags cuz we feel like it lol)
-K (📺📚, 🍁☮️)
#like wtf even science is tricky??? I mean I thought I was gonna do ecology stuff but nah. biological molecules first unit#fuck chemistry. all my headmates hate chemistry#I’m in a BIOLOGY class!!! I don’t wanna learn about carbohydrates and proteins#I wanna learn about animals and plants and that cool stuff!!!#other than that most of our classes are ok#we’re in the process of getting a study block so that’s cool#math is also kicking our asses but what else is new#school#senior year#grade 12#school is kicking my ass#school is hard#I love learning but damn this is hard#and the most recent phone ban is making things even worse#can’t listen to music to block out background so I can’t focus as well and get more overwhelmed
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I’m always looking for more music with no lyrics that I find engaging to listen to while I do work because it helps me focus. And lately I was listening to an arknights boss level theme playlist, which is mostly good, but there are some themes that are so good at capturing the essence of the event story that I can’t focus because I’m too busy thinking about how good this theme is
#the one from under tides is sooo good and unique and I don’t even know how to think about it#it really does feel like listening to music sung by the seaborn in ways that are kind of haunting#like these are unknowable creatures with bizarre biology from the depths of the ocean and here they are signing#I love it#Dorothy’s vision is also really good#maybe I’m too easily impressed or maybe it’s just that good. hard to say I only have my perspective to go off of
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i gotta say. the more i learn about halo lore. the more i do not blame the rvb writers for completely ignoring halo lore
#what do you mean the spartans weren’t made to fight the covenant. what do you mean there’s an ai uprising.#what do you mean [insert literally everything ive ever learned about sangheili biology and culture]#you don’t know how badly i wanted to like halo. i’ve tried so hard#i really just. i really just do not like it.#the campaign. the multiplayer. the lore. i’ve tried so hard. NONE of it vibes with me.#except the aesthetic. master chief still fucks
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Gotta love neurodivergent interests I was laying and thinking about my newest brain story which is my tmnt au and like this just goes 24/7 in my brain now, I can barely remember what it replaced, I think before the tmnt brainrot it was a Completely Not Built Just For A Single DnD Character worldbuild and before that, who knows, there’s always Some story up there that I am constantly building and putting under a microscope and Researching and microwaving to see what happens, this is just what the brain do when you’re autistic and have a special interest in storytelling I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#My brain did not have to go this hard smh#It doesn’t help that I can’t actually reliably conceptualize Any of the knowledge I know about storytelling so#It’s just constantly vibrating with barely contained Autism up there my guys#Sometimes it’ll take a hard left into my biology/ecology special interest and I’m like#“why are there themes of interconnectivity and mushrooms in my mind palace rn”#“the tomato plants are taking over they don’t even have licenses”#autism#cloud rambles
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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh
#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope#I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here#I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho#I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there#I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change#like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it#and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally#but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little#and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower���#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago#maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired#two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that#gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud#did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it#god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit#people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard#genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive#like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other#what are we actually doing here#idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over#already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all#luke.txt#I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit
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!! HOT GIRL SUMMER !!
(It’s summer here in Australia I am aware it’s frigid literally everywhere else in the world right now haha)
#my art#xeno tag#xeno octoling#octopus#splatoon#speculative biology#speculative zoology#I haven’t named her but she is based off of a Giant Pacific Octopus#Also octolings have really weird feet and i think putting regular shoes on them looks silly so i changed them a little bit#I don’t think they’d ever need to wear shoes anyway unless they’re regularly walking around on hard surfaces (like pavement)#Otherwise they would walk around barefoot cause the suckers on their feet let them grip the terrain better than shoes do#octoling
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i shouldve studied something else i should’ve done stem
#GUUUUUYYYSSSUUAUAUUUHGGAHUHGHH#i am so so so dumb and stupid truly i can feel like brain smoothing as the seconds pass#i feel like i’m gonna die someday and they’re gonna take my brain out and it’s gonna look like a bowling ball bc of how smooth it is AUUAUGH#yesterday a girl at this party asked me what my major was and i said gd and she was like ‘do you love it?!’ and i just 😃☝🏼🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍#GGAAAAHHWHHHHUHHHHHUH I DOOO I LOVE IT I THINK BUT IM SO SCAAARREDD I FEEL LIKE IM BAADDDDDD AND IT MAKES ME THINK I DONT LIKE IT TTTT#I DONT LIKE BEING BAAADDDUUUHAHGHGHIHGH HOW HARD CAN IT BE.#AND I LOVE SCIENCE SO MUCUUUUCH BUT MY BRAIN HAS SMOOTHED BEYOND REPAIR I KNWO I WOULD BE BAD#BUT IF I STARTED OUT DOING IT MAYBE I WOULDNT BE SO BAD. AUUGGHH#maybe my smooth brain would not be so smooth. god. i love science#i loved biology i loved oceanography i LOOOVE CHEMISTRY AUUGH#and if covid don’t happen i would’ve taken physics and probably hated it but maybe i wouldn’t and maybe i would like astrophysics#and maybe i would go to space. covid ruined my chances of going to space and turning my brain smooth#whatever whatever whatever i like being an artist it’s fine i love being a graphic designer i love being an illustrator i love it#it would just be very very nice if i didn’t feel dumber than everyone around me all the time when having conversations#and it would be nice to not be. so so scared of my job all the time#whatever whatever#sorry#🌙.txt#i love science#my high school chemistry teacher also redacted after i graduated an do liked him a lot so that makes me miss chemistry even more. WHATEVER#sorry i’m done
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this is what i have in common with @atrialcapacity it’s quite a bit. 3 different four in a rows!
i tag.. @siobhanromee and @whatamidoinghere413 and @skautism
and anyone else that feels like it
#in the spirit of doing anything but my molecular biology work#i did this#i feel like this is hard because i don’t listen to a lot of people or bands over two or three songs/one album but i really like those songs#or thag album
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I started a piece of art today which is based on some plant species* that I think would be good to colonize Tim in @gunpowder-tim’s headcanon of the Persephone Tim headcanon; so it’s art based on a headcanon of a headcanon of a headcanon 😅 [sweat simle emoji].
It’s gonna take a long time I think, but I am planning on posting it here even though it’s just gonna be plants and no Tim (because I am much better at drawing these little doodle plants than drawing people).
*so the art is basically of real species we have on Earth, but I maintain that they wouldn’t have the same plants on the City, so in my brain his plants are just similar to these ones.
#i don’t know if i should main tag this. thats always hard for me to tell#persephone tim#i am taking a break now because for some reason it took me almost 4 hours to paint some ghost pipe.#i am researching more species too. im looking at a lot of liverworts. but they are ‘obscure’ enougb thats its not always easy to find if-#they are parasitic or not. i know *some* species of liverwort are. and depending on how im able to draw them i might include non-parasitic-#species because i need the space filled a particular way#im also tired because i stayed up until after 6 am and then didn’t take my sleep meds (because it was 6 am)#oh there’s also gonns be some mushrooms included#ive explained it before but basically the fungus being an intermediary is a thing we see in real life (although not between plants and-#animals afaik) and it makes sense because fungi are closer related to animals than to plants.#now i suppose thats not necessarily true on the City. because we dont know if they are homo sapiens or not (this would make possible-#implications for the other life on the plant). however for now I have no hcs regarding that. its easiest to go with their life works the-#same as ours. but their species are different if for no other reason because of evolution (over time)#well thats whats easiest and most interesting and fun *to me* which i realize is because i am a biologist and happen to also crave as much-#scientific accuracy as possible. but thats not everyones cup of tea. not everyone wants to spend hours searching about different parasitic-#plants to choose one for this and learn about how they interact and what not. probably *most* people wouldnt think this hard about it.#and that’s okay too. if you like to make up your own plants whole cloth and not worry about it aligning with realy world biology. thats-#okay too. do what you like.#(unless you are a tv/movie/book/etc which is supposed to be set in our world on our earth. YOU CANT MAKE APE/WORM HYBRIDS! for crissakes)#hope its okay i tagged you gunpowder-tim#also sorry to everyone for how much i ramble in the tags. i have adhd and keeping 1 try of though is nigh on impossible#like this: nigh means near. so nigh on impossible is nearly impossible. but one way of defining nigh is approaching. then its approaching-#impossible. which makes me think of math. ‘as x approaches infinity;’ ‘as y approaches impossible’#there have a little language and math too with your dose of spec bio explanation#(the ape/worm thing is a reference to an early x-files episode that i have complained about in tags before)
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I had a really great time going out to dinner with my mom and nana tonight at a nice restaurant but nana believes in conspiracy theories and my mom and I have to keep debunking the bs sources she pulls out in a joking way to keep her from getting too defensive about how we don’t agree and I’m so tired. God fucking help me.
And then they’re like. Both loudly and condescendingly agreed about the whole “men and women can’t be friends” thing and that men and women have completely different brains/ in general most men are waiting to fuck you instead of genuinely caring about you as a person (and they did that FUCKING CONDESCENDING exaggerated laugh w/ eachother over it. I know most men have misogyny and treat women badly. And that they talk about us differently behind our backs. No fucking shit. But it’s not everyone, and believing so stringently that it’s impossible to have a true genuine friendship without either wanting to fuck eachother annoys and hurts me. How can we ever move forward to a less misogynistic world if we ourselves refuse to build real friendships with the opposite sex regardless of gender.) and frankly that kicked the Gender Issues bruise in my heart and I just Was Not Having It at the end of the night
#still a great dinner and I’m almost cooled off from how annoyed I was and I was very fucking patient about it#but GOD DAMNNNNN IIIITTTTTT AAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH#my patience was unusually thin tonight because they both kept bulldozing over any attempt to talk I made#and they’re both LOUD#because my nana won’t STOP TALKING TO LET SOMEONE ELSE TALK#and she yells because she can’t fucking hear but refuses to acknowledge it and when someone yells it makes me aggressive#and she INSISTS that we’re BRAINWASHED because we DISAGREE WITH HER#this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to using my tumblr like a diary I’m that fucking close to my limit#I still have to wrap the presents and pack#but I really really need to decompress#and I fucking hate that they’re both like. staunch believers in gene essentialist bullshit to cope with the shitty men in their lives#because like. that perspective that men and women are totally different animals just.#always brings up the memories of every debunked sexist claim about women and men I’ve worked so hard to un-internalize for my own sanity#and self confidence#I’m a cos woman I don’t even have the added pain of questions/transition but it’s still excruciating when that hornets nest is kicked#because it makes me think like. if they’re right and men and women have completely different brains (not just some differences)#does that make every nasty cruel misogynist claim about women- and thus me as a person- true?#are all my male friends really just. not actually my friends then#it’s just our biology motivating us to keep our options open#might just kill myself if we truly are nothing but a set a of steps towards fucking (which we aren’t btw. if we were we’d be more like#cicadas#or those moths with no mouth.#and we sure as hell wouldn’t live so long beyond our reproductive years. we are built for survival#not just reproduction)
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huh so have i finally realized that academic validation doesn’t actually solve all of my problems, but instead are the roots of them
#no ofc not#but i feel like the world worked hard today to make me see it just a bit BIT#i found out today that i’m one of the two people in my class who passed the math finals and i was WAY over the moon and saturn#but then i came home and i don’t know WHAT HAPPENED#i was so tired and exhausted of these last few days and i haven’t slept enough#i had just ran myself to death until i’m gasping for air to catch the train i hadn’t eaten nor drunk anything at all that time#and i just came home and i was just a MESS#like SHATTERED#and i just lost it#and now i’m crying every single minute#and i hate everything#and i don’t want to study#who gives a damn about biology anyway#i hate this#i just want to curl up and watch my comfort show please#tw rant#nadirants#academic validation#studying#studystudystudy#exam week
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You don’t have to touch anything gross to study physics
Pretty much all serious biology is going to involve getting messy or getting EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY clean
Okay something that bothers me is the fact physics is seen as the more prestigious of the three main sciences, with biology at the bottom and chemistry in the middle. Like. I doubt most people could name a famous biologist, but they could name 5 famous physicists. Why are Albert Einstein and Stephen hawking household names but Norman Borlaug and Jonas Salk aren't?
Not to dismiss the accomplishments of Einstein or Hawking, or their genius, but their actual tangible contributions to society have been miniscule compared to that of Borlaug or Salk who have each saved LITERALLY hundreds of millions, if not billions, of lives each. Half the food on your plate was probably grown thanks to Borlaug and Salk is the reason half your siblings didn't die of polio as a kid.
Sure Einsteins theory of relatively is important for modern satellite communications but really though how can it compare?
This is coming from someone who studied physics. I love physics, and years ago when i was at uni I looked down at biology and so did everyone else studying physics. And I know others did too. Retroactively of course I know this was so very wrong.
If society as a whole started treating biology with more respect then maybe more students would go into that field. If we had rockstars of medicine and agricultural science that were household names rather than just physicists? think of how many more lives could be saved, how many more lives could be improved.
I'm not saying physics isn't important, and more scientists of any kind is always good, but proportionally I think societies priorities are a little skewd.
#biology#i think it probably has something to do with complexity#physics is all about identifying quantifying and calculating variables#see ‘spherical chicken in a vacuum’ joke#physics is all hard math and tangible and firm#biology… is much more complicated#we don’t even know what half the variables are#there are less hard answers and it’s complicated to test because life itself is a complicated bitch#physics promises answers to mysteries of the universe#biology at high levels involves admitting we cannot even define a hard taxonomy because the world does not work the way our brains want it t#to#there are no hard categories#biology is the science of life#shifting and immutable and changing and just you fucking try and simplify it#people don’t like that there are unknowable answers#you can do all the math you want in biology but what you need is poetry#and also there’s ethical rules against the really wild bio shit#like cloning and making cats glow in the dark#(they did it with fish it’s a thing we’re just not allowed to keep doing it)
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When You Nerd Out (Biology Edition) — Overblots x gn! reader
summery: the overblots find out you're more of a nerd than they realized...
tw: mentions of bugs (not really but I digress), mentions of arachnids (literally just the name of one lol), mentions of reptiles (idk maybe people are scared of them), mentions of snakes.
a/n: a reptile show is happening soon and I've been looking into so many reptiles/invertebrates/amphibians I had to get this out of my system somehow. What better way then to ramble to fictional characters? (Help me)
wc: 1.2k (~180 per character)
Master List
❥ Riddle Roseheart
When Riddle first met you, you were downtrodden, having just been thrown into a new world filled with magic and flair that yours didn’t. Your grades weren’t the best (but far from the worst), and you always seemed tired no matter what. So when your eyes lit up when he showed you the flamingo and hedgehog cages/pens he was surprised at the amount of facts that spilled from your lips. From how flamingos get their color to how hedgehogs are carnivores. Or how you could even ramble on about flowers and plants, like how tea garden roses are the most short lived species. From then on, Riddle would come to you for even the smallest of things. Did you want to feed the animals with him? This rose bush is wilting, are there any tips to bring it back? Do you know the meaning behind the colors of roses? No particular reason for that last question…just don’t question the bouquet of white and red roses mixed with baby’s breath that show up on your doorstep the next day.
❥ Leona Kingscholar
It was hard not to notice when you seemed to be on the brink of exploding. How you’d stare at awe in Leona’s presence, as you should. But your eyes would always wander to his ears, teeth, tail, nails. It got to a point that he felt like you were mentally dissecting him. It was his downfall to growl out a short “what”, as you started to pile on questions to the beastman prince. “Are your nails sharper than a humans?”, “How much better can you hear?”, “Does your tail help you balance?” All Leona could do was stare at you with boredom. Who knew his herbivore was a nerd? He supposes he could humor you for a little bit. Press his sharp nails lightly into your skin, a teasing smile as he asks if you’d like a test. Perhaps a nibble to show you how well his canines work? It all goes awry when you start taking interest in other beastmen, who cares about the cheetah or leopard bestmen when you have a lion prince right here?
❥ Azul Ashengrotto
Azul never thought twice about where he’s come from. He’s seen many kinds of merpeople, many kinds of fish or crustaceans or sharks. But he knew land dwellers didn’t have that, which is why he has the giant aquarium in his lounge. He got used to the awed expressions as well, more focused on swindling the poor souls. So when your jaw dropped and how you clearly restrained yourself from running up to the giant aquarium, Azul felt giddy. He could offer you something most couldn’t. He’d watch as you’d point out a fish or ray that you saw and explain how much you loved the color or how magnificent it looked. When you brought up how smart you thought octopi are, it was over. His heart couldn’t take it. You know he was an octopus merperson right? You were basically complimenting him without realizing it. He couldn’t get over how you stared in wonder at the blue ringed octopus that was waving back at you. And oh sevens you were giggling at it? He wasn’t getting jealous over another octopus, no way…
❥ Jamil Viper
Jamil noticed the excited look in your eyes when you learned his last name was Viper, but nothing had happened at the time. It wasn’t until Kalim had you rambling about animals did Jamil realize just how much you seemed to love snakes. How you named your favorite in a heartbeat to how you scrutinized the ones you looked into as pets. It wasn’t until Kalim started to offer to buy you all those snakes and more did he have to step in. Yet Jamil felt flustered when your gaze landed on him, your eyes that had been filled with fondness while rambling about snakes had only seemed to get brighter when looking at him. Reluctantly, Jamil let you drag him to a reptile show, something Kalim had pushed him to do. For his own sanity, Jamil ignored the giant pouch of money Kalim tried to stealthily hand you, instead, focusing on your awed expression at the variety of animals. He couldn’t help but watch the snakes in awe with you, and when you asked him if he wanted to help you set up an enclosure for one…who was he to say no?
❥ Vil Schoenheit
Vil is a busy man. With photo and movie shoots to interviews to taking care of himself, there isn’t much time to stop and smell the roses. But with you, he tries to make time, and it's like a breath of fresh air every time. It was nice to sit outside and bask in the sun (with sunscreen of course) and talk with you. Something had clearly caught your eye when you dropped from the bench to scoop something off the ground. Vil thought he knew you well enough…apparently not. He hadn’t expected to see you shove a rolly polly, pill bug, potato bug, whatever you want to call them into his face…okay maybe he’s exaggerating. You held the little thing far enough away that it wasn’t all too startling. He swore he never saw you so excited about something, or how you rambled that they weren’t bugs, but crustaceans that live on land. The way you gently held the critter to how fondly you looked at the curled up thing made Vil’s heart flutter. You always seemed to find beauty in things most would shudder at. How odd.
❥ Idia Shroud
Idia had no idea how you managed, but you had convinced him to get a plant. You had called it a zz plant, and thought it would be perfect to liven his room up as it didn’t need direct sunlight. He watched the plant as it sat next to a grow light, it needed something since he didn’t have any windows. The dark purple leaves were pretty, you were right. As much as he tried to keep up with watering, he would forget, but Ortho seemed to have it covered. When little leaves started sprouting, Idia felt proud, a weird feeling he wasn’t used to. When you came over and saw how well it was doing you beamed. That stupid fluttery feeling filled him as you praised him, not to mention it mixing with feeling proud. Not a good combo, as now he was thinking of asking you if there’s any other plant you may recommend, just to get you rambling once more about different plants that could thrive in his little cave of a room.
❥ Malleus Draconia
Although Malleus loves to hear your voice, you always seem content to hear him ramble. The way your eyes watched intently, trying to find what he was pointing out on a gargoyle, or how you’d ask questions about the differences of a gargoyle and grotesque. At first, he was concerned when you gasped, had you gotten hurt somehow? Yet he found you excitedly pointing out a house gecko that stood near the gargoyle he was talking about. He watched you in awe as your eyes glittered, and how you were basically jumping up and down. Then you started going on about geckos, reptiles, and all sorts of odd things people keep as pets. The way you basically swooned at the thought of owning a crested gecko or a crocodile skink, Malleus was ready to hand you all the money you needed. He is the best and worst, as he’ll never tell you no and fund your hobby till your heart’s content. Just make sure to pay attention to him too, yeah? Unlike skinks or tarantula’s, he likes your affection. Plus, he’s the best reptile of them all, no? He’d gladly show you his dragon form.
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twst wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#leona kingsholar x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#jamil viper x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia x reader#twisted wonderland#twst#twst wonderland#riddle rosehearts#leona kingscholar#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#vil schoenheit#idia shroud#malleus draconia#x reader#imagines#ficlets
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The Bro Cap
Biology was my favorite class this semester. Not only did I find science to be interesting, but I also shared the class with one of the hottest guys in the school: Aaron Moore. He was the star of the school’s baseball team as a pitcher and he was the talk of the school. Girls were always swooning over him for how tall and handsome and athletic he was. He was good at every sport; football, basketball, and so on, but in school, he played baseball. He was a major source of envy for a lot of guys. A lot of guys wished they could be him. I, however, wanted to be with him. Fortunately, I sit behind him in class, so I get the best view of him, despite being from behind. At least it meant he wouldn’t see me watching him.
I often found myself getting distracted by him. Even if I couldn’t see his face, I could see his broad shoulders, which were built like mountains, as well as his arms which were shaped like mounds of muscle. His tall stature sometimes made it hard to look at the board, not that it was the main place my eyes were looking at in the first place. His favorite baseball hat, adorned with our school team’s logo on it, was worn backwards like most of the jocks at the school. He didn’t come off like the rest of them though. His relaxed vibe made him easy to talk to and he could be quite funny compared to the rest of the meathead jocks. He got along with everyone really well, making him very well-liked. Although he was far from the smartest guy in the class, I could tell that he tried. It was no wonder why he was so popular.
Today, I was daydreaming when I was disrupted by our teacher, Mr. Martin. I felt him stare directly at me, almost as if he knew I wasn’t paying attention. It was like he could read my every thought, and honestly, if that were true, that’d be extremely humiliating. The last thing I needed was for my crush on Aaron to be exposed to the rest of the class. Knowing how embarrassing he could be, I wouldn’t put it past him. He asked me a question, and I thankfully already knew the answer, as I awakened from my daydream.
“Correct! I wasn’t sure if you were paying attention or not,” he chuckled. “You always look like you’re off in your own little world. But you still manage to do well. You gotta tell the rest of your class your secret.” Looks like someone has caught on to my tendencies. Mr. Martin was a middle-aged guy, probably in his 30s. He looked good for his age, and was a pretty relaxed and carefree teacher.
The class went by as usual, and eventually we were dismissed. All of the other students dispersed, but I needed to ask our professor a question about the homework. He helped clarify things for me thankfully. I was about to leave, but then he pointed out something on the ground.
“Hey Aiden, doesn’t Aaron sit in front of you? That’s his hat, right?” he asked.
“Yeah, I always see him wear it.” It was unusual for him to have left it here by accident.
“Do you know if you can bring it to him today? If not, I can keep it here until next class.”
“I’ll hold onto it until I see him next. I have a feeling I’ll run into him later.” I don’t know why I said that. We don’t have any other classes together and we certainly aren’t close enough to be friends, even if I wished we were. I’m also not on the baseball team. Either way, my professor smiled for helping him out.
Regardless, I grabbed Aaron’s hat, but instead of chasing after him, I realized I really needed to go to the bathroom. He was probably long gone anyways. After I went, I noticed that I was still holding onto his hat. I went to observe it and I noticed that it smelled a little like him, with a mix of sweat from wearing it all day and whatever shampoo he used. I knew I shouldn’t, but I felt a sudden urge to put Aaron’s hat on. Despite the fact that I would feel really embarrassed if someone saw me wearing it, I knew I would likely never get this opportunity again. I was completely alone, so it’s not like there’s anything wrong with it. It wasn’t just any hat, it was Aaron’s. It’s not like he had lice or anything. What’s the worst that could happen?
And so I put it on, wearing it backwards like he would. Strangely, for a few seconds, I felt as though time had completely stopped. The leaky sink faucet paused its rhythmic dripping. The stomping of feet in the hallway deafened. My watch skipped a tick. But as time seemed to return to its natural course, I was able to see how I looked. I had to admit, I looked really good in it. I wouldn’t call myself an unattractive guy, but Aaron was way out of my league. Despite that, a smirk appeared on my face. A wave of confidence washed over me, almost like a little bit of Aaron had rubbed off on me. Suddenly, I didn’t really feel like taking it off anymore. I wasn’t too worried about what would happen if Aaron or one of his friends saw me wearing it.
After admiring myself in the mirror for a few minutes, I realized that I was late to my next class, algebra. I had no idea I had spent so much time checking myself out. I must’ve lost track of time. As I walked to my seat, I felt like all eyes were on me for some reason. I never used to make much of an impression on most people. I was quiet and had only a couple friends. Normally, I would’ve felt a little anxious with so many people staring at me, but I didn’t really give a shit now.
“Late as always, aren’t we Aiden?” the teacher remarked. Very funny. I always showed up on time. I sat down in my seat, but it didn’t feel right. My body squeezed tight into the desk. I felt like I was sitting in a chair meant for a middle schooler. Weird. Something weird is going on, but I can’t figure out what it is.
The class was just as weird because I felt like my classmates were a little more talkative. I couldn’t focus during class due to being distracted by someone whispering. I still felt a couple of their eyes on me. I looked over and made brief eye contact with one of the girls on the far side of the room. She immediately looked away and giggled towards one of her friends. Her cheeks turned a deep crimson, the color of passion. She was cute, but definitely out of my league. I wasn’t straight either way, so I didn’t care if she was into me.
Normally, I was good at math, even if I didn’t like it, but I felt myself struggling to answer questions today. Something must be wrong. The room felt hotter than usual, and I felt myself sweat a little and my body started to ache. I noticed that I smelled a little like Aaron’s cologne. I’ve recognized his scent from sitting behind him, but for that smell to linger and for me to smell like him is really weird.
Class was dismissed, and this was usually when I went to lunch. I received a text from one of my friends, Bryan, from half an hour earlier.
Bryan: Hey, me and the guys are getting food. Wanna come with?
Normally, we always got lunch at the same time. But for some reason, I didn’t really want to? That’s weird for me. I felt my fingers move on my own as they typed out a message.
Me: nah bro i dont feel like it mayb sum other time dude
I didn’t text like that normally. Nor did I turn down my friends. Is it the…Before I could finish my thought, I was interrupted by the booming sound of two guys further down the hall, with one of them calling my name. They were two jocks. I recognized that they were both friends with Aaron because they hung out together a lot. What did they want? I didn’t really get along well with either of them or the rest of their kind. Hopefully they didn’t think I was a pervert for wearing Aaron’s hat and beat me up.
“Sup bro, we were just about to get some food before hitting the gym. Wanna come with?” the other jock asked me. Judging from his tone, he seemed surprisingly friendly with me.
Were they serious? Did these jocks actually think I was one of them? I would never get an opportunity to hang out with them again, so I agreed. Part of me felt guilty for ditching my nerdy friends to hang out with the jocks, but I knew they were cool guys. My perspective on these two big jocks changed as I walked with them. For some reason, I felt a strong sense of camaraderie with them, almost like I’ve known them for a long time. I’m not sure why I was so intimidated by them before. They were really chill.
I saw another one of my friends as I walked with my new friends. I waved to him, but he barely seemed to notice me. Was he mad at me for skipping lunch with them or did he seriously not recognize me since I was hanging out with the jocks? It almost felt like he didn’t know me at all.
I pulled out my phone to see what was up with him, until I realized that Bryan had finally responded to me.
Bryan: My bad. Thought you were someone else. He must’ve given me the wrong number.
Was this some kind of prank? He obviously knew my number. Of course he knows who I am. Whatever, I don’t care what a nerd like him thinks. I put my phone away and resumed chatting with my jock friends. You know, my real friends. I noticed as I walked with them that they didn’t look as big and menacing as they seemed. Either that or maybe I hit my growth spurt recently.
We went and got food, with the jocks making sure I got enough protein. I swear I almost never eat this much. The jocks must eat a lot to stay in shape, I thought to myself. But did they seriously want me to go to the gym with them? I had class soon. But these guys were cool and I didn’t want to disappoint my bros. I figured I could miss a day and go lift with them. As long as it doesn’t turn into a habit.
I realized as we stepped into the gym that I had never worked out before nor had I stepped into an actual gym. I was worried about coming across as weak and humiliating myself in front of them. I changed into some clothes that I'm not really sure when I bought, a tank top and gym shorts. To my surprise, I simply followed the motions of my bros and I was able to work out with them just fine. I noticed that I was able to keep up with their workouts, and I surprised myself with how much I could lift. It shouldn’t have been possible to lift as much as they did but maybe they were just going easy on me because they knew I was a beginner. By the time we finished, I was just in time for my last class. But just before I parted ways with my new friends, one of them said something that caught me off guard.
“Later, Moore.”
Must’ve been a slip of the tongue. There was no way in hell they mistook me for Aaron. At least it gave me a mental reminder to give Aaron his hat back next time I see him. Although…his hat is so nice that I’m a little tempted to keep it for myself. He could always just get another one, right? I just don’t want him to see me wearing it though, so I’ll only do it when he’s not around.
In class, everyone was still staring at me as if I went to school in my underwear. Maybe there was something weird about me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I did smell a little bit since I came from my workout, but I don’t think it was that. I shrugged it off. They can stare all they want for all I care. I felt incredibly sore after my workout, and my arms looked unnaturally swollen. If I had to be honest, I almost felt as big as the two jocks I worked out with. But in such a short amount of time? With no prior lifting experience? That was impossible.
I found myself completely zoned out and indifferent to class today. All I wanted to do was leave and uh…What was it that I had going on later? I pondered that thought throughout the entire class period. Eventually, we were dismissed and I was free to leave. I was walking towards the dorms until I ran into, guess who? Aaron Moore.
“Hey bro, you still coming to practice?” he asked.
“Practice?”
“Yeah, baseball practice, you big dummy! You know, you’re always so forgetful, dude. Good thing I always was the smarter one, bro.”
“Yeah, you’re right, bro. My bad.” I’m not sure which statement I was agreeing with. But as I looked at him, I realized something. He was wearing his hat! But then how was I wearing his hat if he was wearing it? “I thought you lost your hat. How are you wearing it?”
“I was wearing my hat all day, dude. One day you decided to copy me and wear your hat to school like I do. But honestly, I think you rock it better than I do, so keep it up. You’ll impress the ladies.” But I was gay. And I’ve only had this hat for a day. If it wasn’t his, then how was it actually mine? I was overwhelmed and full of questions after everything that had happened today, from my growth spurt, to me hanging out with the jocks, to my old friends barely knowing who I am, but I didn’t seem to have the brain power at the moment to seek the answers to them.
As we walked, I kept chatting with Aaron as if it was natural, as if we always knew each other. Something felt off, but I couldn’t figure it out. Was it because we were going to practice? I’ve never played baseball in my life. Nah, that can’t be right. I feel like I’ve swung a bat before… We went into the locker room to change. I looked in the mirror and paused for a second.
My reflection wasn’t there. Someone else’s was. Someone much stronger and much taller than me. That wasn’t me. It was Aaron Moore.
No, except it wasn’t an exact match. There was enough different about the guy in front of me to know that it wasn’t Aaron. This figure was a little stronger than him, and still stood probably a little over 6 feet tall. I walked closer. “Aaron” walked closer. I moved my hand to feel my face. So did “Aaron”. A dull, confused look appeared on his face. Had I really become him? But Aaron was over on the other end of the room changing. Then who am I? Was I like this since I put the hat on earlier? I reached into my wallet and pulled out my ID.
Aiden Moore...That’s not my last name. That’s…Aaron’s? Normally I wouldn’t have minded taking his last name, but we definitely WEREN’T married. As far as I knew, Aaron was as straight as an arrow.
Date of Birth: 08/17/2003…If I recall, that’s Aaron’s birthday. I knew my birthday, and it was in January. Don’t tell me…Are we…?
I compared the face in the ID to the one in the mirror. It wasn’t an illusion, and it wasn’t a dream. It was like I was his twin! Aaron was an only child though and I only had sisters. At this point, I was so confused and overwhelmed. Panic was the only emotion I could feel as I felt like I was going through an identity crisis. I realized that this all started when I wore his hat. I reached to grab it off of my head…until I felt a hand touch my shoulder. My bro…I mean Aaron.
“Admiring yourself in the mirror, bro? Yeah, you’re a pretty handsome dude just like me. I think it runs in the blood, you know. You like that, right?” He placed his other hand on my head, pushing the hat tighter on my head. I nodded. I proceeded to flex, as I became self-absorbed with my own reflection. I always thought rather highly of myself, especially about my body. At this point, I couldn’t comprehend the paradox of me somehow being his own non-existent twin brother.
“You know, not every guy is lucky enough to have a cool brother like I do, let alone a twin. The two of us can play ball together, work out together, and even get all the chicks we want together. This is all you ever wanted, right?” He wasn’t necessarily wrong, but I wanted to be “with” Aaron, not be him. Whoever granted me this wish got it all wrong. But as I listened to him, I started to realize that maybe it wasn’t my wish to begin with.
“Yeah bro. This shit’s the life, dude.” I noticed Aaron’s face light up as I said that. The way I talked sounded like it came out of the mouth of some dudebro. I noticed his irresistible smirk that was always on his face when he was in a good mood. As I kept admiring myself in the mirror, I felt my mind slow…down...like it was on autopilot…
“That’s right…Just let it happen… I know it’s been a while, so it’s okay if you don’t remember, but you know that one trophy we won a couple years back? During senior year?”
“Fuck yeah, bro. I remember.” But I’ve never played baseball before…But…I have right? I know I have.
“You know you were the reason we won, right? One lucky hit in the bottom of the ninth, and you practically won us the game. I’ve never been more proud of you bro.” Aaron patted me on the back. I remembered that game fondly, even though I should have no recollection of it. That year, our baseball team was the best in the state. And I…led our team to a championship? As much as I tried to deny it in my head, the memories felt real. But why was he reminding me of this now?
“You didn’t do half bad yourself, bro.”
As Aaron and I kept chatting, the memories of being his twin brother kept flowing into my brain, as memories of my former life faded away. Turns out that I was the brother he never had. We were a pair. We complemented each other perfectly. I was actually the twin brother of the most popular guy in the school. I remember I thought he was hot…wait, what the fuck, bro? That’s gay as shit. And weird. This was my own twin we were talking about. Although I guess if I was a handsome stud, then he’d have to be too. After all, no girl can resist either one of us.
“So the hat is working…” Aaron whispered under his breath.
“What hat?”
“Nothing, bro! I was just saying how good your hat looks on you. Come on, let’s go.” I followed him, as my transformation was now complete.
From this day on, I was Aiden Moore, Aaron Moore’s twin brother. Except that’s who I was technically born as and that's who everyone already knew me as. Although we had a lot in common, I definitely felt more like a stereotypical jock. I was loud, cocky, and masculine, almost to the point of brutishness, compared to my brother who was a lot more laid-back and charismatic. Not that it was a bad thing, although most nerds and weaker men would disagree. But what me and Aaron did have in common was playing sports, working out, fucking chicks, and being the most popular guys in the school. I know I wanted to be closer to Aaron, but I never expected this. But at the same time, it felt good, almost pleasurable at times. I realized that in my new state, I could hardly last a day without an orgasm, whether it was in my grip or in some bitch’s pussy.
Two days later, I had biology again. I remembered I kinda struggled with this class. I sat behind my bro as usual. I was grateful for him since he always helped me with the homework. I noticed him talking to the professor in private when we got to class. When I asked him, he wouldn’t say. It wasn’t like him to keep secrets from me. We practically knew everything about each other after all. After class, I was called to stay after by Mr. Martin.
“Aiden Moore…Your brother told me to check up on you. Is everything alright? Did you need any guidance on the homework, too?”
“Never felt better, bro. I think I was just up too late partying the other day. And nah, I eventually figured it out, dude.” I conveniently hid the fact that I copied the answers off of some nerd.
“Good, good.” Mr. Martin smiled. “I won’t leave you too long. I know you two have your hands full with practice today. Hmmm…Still wearing that hat, I see. It suits you well, Aiden.” I saw him write something down in a notebook as I left. Mr. Martin was always cool. I felt like he understood me and my brother better than most teachers here. I couldn’t help but feel grateful for him, but for what? I quickly discarded that thought because it wasn’t important to me.
What was important to me was hitting the gym with my bros. I ditched class again, I don’t even remember what the class was anyways. Probably nothing important. As long as I pass and get to stay on the team, I couldn’t care less about how badly I do in school. I’m basically only here because I got some fancy scholarship.
At the gym, I always pushed myself to lift the heaviest weights. All of my bros were impressed with how much I could lift. Must run in the blood. After school, I went to practice with Aaron. We shared a room at the dorms, and on the weekends, we always went to the biggest parties our school had to offer. We always bragged to each other about what girls we slept with that night, almost like it was a competition. Man, this was the life. I never felt like I understood Aaron on a personal level until recently, but man, we were the luckiest pair of brothers in the school.
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