#best outcome is they try to change me back or say this isnt truly me or whatever

[rememberthelaughtermp3]

fuck

[putaindeplagieur]

Danganronpa: Killing Games, a Chain of Reactions.

Heyo. Its time for me to strike again with a reaction. This time, from good old @pyropsychiccollector who answered an ask:

https://at.tumblr.com/pyropsychiccollector/what-is-by-far-the-dumbest-plot-point-in-hopes/o2dnjussy0xn

So, as you can see in the article, pyro has three culprits to point his fingers at. Three points which makes me have three different reactions. And I thought 'why not pester everyone with my thoughts again ?'

Only my opinions, lets be civil, prepare the popcorn for some long ass rant... I think you know the jazz.

1: The Future Arc

Lets cut to the chase here. I ENTIRELY agree on this point. Why ?

Simply put, because this 'game' has no proper structure to maintain it. The only reason this exist is to push Ryouta to use his brainwashing video. Thats it.

Of course there is bound to have dead bodies dropping, but not only Kazuo sent all of the Heads of his organisation to the guillotine, but they werent even developped as opposed to the two others. Everything moved so fast we barely got to know them let alone feel attached to, when its even possible.

'It would be too painful to put Makoto in another killing game', the devs said... well whatever this was, it was painful for him AND us.

Honestly, it would have been much better to have the killing game either be scrapped entirely, or have it happen after we see them bound. Make us see how the outside world is recovering by this point. We already saw a glimpse of that happen in Killer Killer, now we wanted to see how things changed by then ! What about the population that struggles and needs help, what about the Despairs themselves ?

We could have had Makotos visions truly evolve, as we see him trying to adapt himself in the dangerous world outside as he get out of the school, trying to give back some humanity in this broken world as he tries to compromise with Kyousuke so they can finally work together in the Killing Game ! Not to mention, the Forbidden Actions were interesting as it put another limitation to avoid !

...

I feel like I could go on and on about what DR3 should have been... but it deserves its own post. I have two other points to go over.

2: Celestia Ludenberg

Aaaaand thats pretty much where I feel like I must say my piece, even if the reasonning

Yes, Celestia, as the Ultimate Gambler, should have known better than involving two victims was too big of a risk. Double murders are pretty notorious to be.... not great in general. And yes, her plan ended up having too much holes to be credible. Honestly, I get people when they say her talent was shamed because of her rash decisions which doesnt fit her persona.

To which I answer... is it really that surprising ?

In a classic gambling match, surely the outcome would have been her victory. Because in my mind, in any official tournament which opposes expert in the field of analysis, strategy and treachery, the result of winning might be worth the risks.

But this isnt a tournament. This is a torture porn game made a psychopath who uses a human emotion as an excuse to make people suffer. Because it made her feel alive.

And we all know the lenghts she took. Aside from brainwashing people, she took years of people who were close to her, making them strangers... and the motives. Their families, their secrets, their greed, their sense of security... she played with everything she had.

Because she knew how they worked. And she knew how to counter their quirks. And that included our best gothica manipulative girl.

Because lets face it guys, even with the most objective look on things, that doesnt excuse her actions. I do think that had she survived the game, some accountability would have been much needed, especially in an organisation as skin tighted as the Future Fundation. Not to mention the Captives.

BUT ! Notice that I wrote SOME accountability. Not ALL of it. Why ?

Simple : who is the one who was manipulating things to turn out this way ? Celestia played her cards, that is undeniable... but who gave her those cards ? Who awoke her greed with the motive ?

Because yes. Junko knew Celestia's dream. She knew how she got there and how far she would go, and she pushed her victim over the edge. I say victim because even though Celes was a bitch compared to the other culprits, and even though she killed for selfish reasons, at the end of the day, she was as manipulated as the rest of her class, a class full of people with weaknesses and insecurities that she took advantage of.

In Celestia's case ? It was her pride.

Celestia Ludenberg was born because Taeko Yasuhiro was, according to her, a boring girl with nothing special... when she thought she deserved better. All the while denying her past that she wants nothing to do with.

The moment Junko put a possibility for her to make her dream, her LIE, a REALITY ? The outcome was inevitable.

Personally, I do think its a shame Celes didnt survive. The death of the mask to let reality sink in. But realistically speaking ? Celestia would have NEVER allowed that to happen. The Queen of Lies can lie to all, even herself. But not to one who knows the truth. That was a match she could never win no matter what.

Because lets say that she got away with her plan... then what ? She can construct her castle in a destroyed France ? And for all we know, what tells me the cash Monokuma showed wasnt fake, rendering all of her machinations for NOTHING ? Uh ? Ever though of that ? She has hidden the Class Trial aspect and the Tragedy until the good time, this is something she would do !

This is something any good mastermind would do : tell their captives enough information to advance... but let the context out of their grasps. The reason is simple : to make them panic and let their emotions do the rest. And as Junko is not directly involved like the participants... she can deflect all the blame on those who cracks under the pressure.

Thats the strategy the bad guys in Squid Games used, thats the strategy Junko uses on those she wants to suffer for her enjoyment.

PLAYING DIRTY.

Thats the base of anyvkilling game. Using the quirks of the participants to make them go unrational. So Celes acting the way she did is upsetting... but surprisingly, I think not only it was intended, but in character. And to those who thinks it doesnt fit her talent...

Damon Maitsu from Eden's Garden.

Spoilers, the talent of debating about multiple subjects doesn’t mean you can communicate with others well. And your ego who belittles the talents of others, as well as using an (although optional) road involving feelings rather than logic ... doesn't help.

Emotions... can get the best of you in stressful situations.

Someone would attest to that.

3: Sayaka Maizono

Everything I said about Celes... also applies to Sayaka. Even more so, in fact, considering her status.

I’m not going to write much more, I’ll just say this.

Sayaka using Makoto in Chapter 1? Unfortunately, that’s... not as stupid as you guys would think.

Again, Junko hiding the Class Trial section of killing someone is on purpose, and the instructions were too vague for everyone to have a good grasp of the implications.

And Junko knows about what Sayaka had to do to get the title. That doesn’t excuse what Sayaka did and tried to pull, but that video? The way she panicked? It was intended to be as such.

Compare her video to Makoto’s. His home was destroyed, his family nowhere to be seen, and he freaks out for a moment, wanting to get out. Pretty intense all things considered.

Sayaka’s though? Seeing your friends on the ground, unconscious? Or are they even alive at all? There’s no way to tell at all, for all she knew... No wonder why she snapped, seeing her closest friend, and NOT KNOWING IF THEY’RE ALIVE... not knowing for sure is a torture.

So when she hears her friend telling her he would get her out of here no matter what... is it really surprising to have her think in dark places?

Bringing the worst in ourselves, all away from logic and rationality...

That is the power of the Killing Game.

Conclusion

Contrary to what Kyosuke says, having rules doesn’t make things safer. Not when they’re stacked against you. Hell in a broken world with attacks which can comes at every directions, and hell in a secluded place without any idea of what those around you might be thinking, with a mastermind that can pull any stunts it can to make people break. Stupid decisions are bound to happen in those settings.

...then again, when the game isn’t structured properly, and when the anime is rushed...

Anyways, thank you for bearing with me.

Now I gotta prepare my shield. See ya!

[butterflysmoke]

This house has torn me apart from the inside out. And youd think I'd be strong enough by now to know better than to let them shred what means the most to me. Yet here I am. Writing this to tell you I've given one too many chances. And that's the truth.

It's like one day you wake up and nothing is glazed over or sugar coated anymore. This isn't child's play. You know? All you see is the raw version of shit. And then it hits you. It hits hard how much the things around you have really changed or have become more clear. And you realize that where you're at is unhealthy. It's truly a slap in the face. Like hello girl in the mirror wake the hell up the fight isn't over yet. And that's when it's time to make vast changes and hope for the best. Its either make a jump that scares the shit out of you and better yourself... or sink into a hole you cant dig your self out of simply because your surroundings are only getting worse. But that's life. You can choose your outcome. Stay stuck or better yourself.

Living in this house I've learned so many things. Each thing heart breaking in it's own way. I looked at these people like family just to watch them literally stab me in the back every way they could. From stealing to lying to going behind me trying to take the one person I won't let go of. I've learned that even when I'm broken I can still fight. I still stand strong in what I believe in and I dont back down from the things I love. However I have also learned that I am easily shaken. Easy to tear up. I use to be stronger. But I've come to realize a person can only break so much before there's nothing left to break and the only thing left is what you're fighting for. It's a hard picture to look at when you get to the point that all you see is what they did.

When you were down they kicked you. When you were broken they opened every scar and poured salt in every wound making it impossible for you to heal. When you were scared and couldn't find light they smothered you with stress and things you couldn't possibly handle on your own. But that's what it is to live in a house where people only want what you have and nothing more. They are just there to test you until there's nothing left. Until you've given up.

Living in this house has made me think. Its brought me out of my box and it has tested everything I am. It may have broke me. But it hasn't killed me. And that's what will save me in the end.

You can not heal in the same place that made you sick. So move forward and don't hold back from that jump no matter how big you may think that jump is... anything is better than staying stuck in a place that is only sinking.

I started looking at this house like a nightmare. Like something I've become afraid of. I stay in my room thinking that if I stay here nothing could harm me. But the thing is everything is harmful when stuck in your own mind. How horrible it is to be the one to damage yourself for the fear that someone else might do it before you do. How horrible it is to be afraid of seeing daylight in fear that someone might try to take it from you. But that's life. People take the things that are most beautiful from you because they themselves cant create something with the same kind of beauty. And that's the nightmare in us all. Crippling fear of other people and what they may or may not be capable of doing. How hard it is to stand up for your self and decide otherwise. That you're the boss of your life that no one should keep you locked inside your own damn box. You think you're being safe but the truth is you're just running from what you think might get you if you dont run. It's a fucked up rollar coaster you've put yourself on and the thing about this ride is it doesn't end until you've finished getting sick over and over again. It doesn't end until you get use to every curve and youve learned to open your fucking eyes. This roallr coaster just keeps going faster and faster the rails shake and rattle as you pass through each battling chapter until you've reached your own breaking point. And then it stops and then it breaks down and theres no starting over. And that's when all you can do is look back at the crash and fall of what you've let yourself become all because of other people. Now I'm not saying this to be the ass. I'm saying it because we let everyone lead our lives. So when is it that we stand up for ourselves and stop living for other people? This isnt their happy ending. It's yours to claim. That's the thing about this house. It has crippled me into thinking that it's okay for people to keep me in the dark. But the thing is I have always loved the light. And I shouldn't let people snuff out the things that make me happy. I shouldn't be afraid of other people. Yet here I am sitting in my room writing this in Hope's that someone might get something out of the unfortunate mistakes I have made. Dont be a me in your book. Be a you.

♡ butterfly smoke

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

Truth be told

Life is a funny thing full of shitty things and happy things.

i think when im older ill look back on these and just dread it all. it curls my stomach to read my old journeys. not in a bad way really but not in a good way.

as my son is getting older and older i am faced daily with confronting myself with my own inner child.

well how was i raised? what did they do when i did this? well did i like what they did when i did that? was it necessary. this jumble of words cascades from my mind. all these questions i never had before ...thought about.

i never really thought about how or why i did something. how i reacted. how i learned... its crazy how its shaped by those who raised us.

as i am now the one doing the raising you come to these moments every SECOND and think IF i do it this way i could change his whole world right now.

example: if i yell right now for him making this mess, i could destroy his ego or teach him a lesson. do i use force . do i yell.

in that moment every mistake uve made as a kid comes to mind. every parent who taught you that lesson comes forth and you think hmm i can approach things so many different ways.

you decide whatever you decide.

as a mom i see it this way now.

im going to mess up i mean its a give in

and mess up is a silly word because its all a learning process LIFE

so assuming just by living it that you'd mess up well thats instantly pessimistic. BUT anyway

im going to keep trying till the outcome seems even, not so bad not so good . not hurtful but helpful

coming to these cross roads doesnt mean that the way i was raised was wrong. AGAIN i dont really see wrong or right. life is crazy and if we argue about mundane issues like....wrong....or right... we could be here for months.

morally correct- ok. wrong in the sense of 2+2=5 OKAY.

but i mean im always saying the apple is the apple. if we argue about the hues of green and the bitter and sweetness we both agree its an apple. maybe u like it maybe i dont. my opinion isnt helping the situation or growing it in a positive way- why bicker. its non sense and such a waste of energy

SO

yeah if i change the way i run my marriage and parenting its not about being some fuckin rebel. its just about me living my life.

my sons 3. he is brighter than any star ive ever been able to gaze upon. being in his light makes one feel special and free. you could only dream of being in his attention because it would be such radiation. i am his attention most moments. 23 hours out of the 24 hour day . and i try and glorify every minute.

as he grows i simply try and stay excited to meet the next version of himself. i just want to build a relationship with him where he feels safe.... safe to be himself. to speak his mind. to act freely and truly be himself in whatever fashion. i want him to feel confident in himself and in me to be able to ask all types of questions and figure out all types of answers together, because maybe one answer isnt necessarily the only answer.

i want him to learn all about life and love and be excited to learn more and more about it. maybe to the point where his lust will never get full- that as his cup over flows he only continues to give to others. and the more and more he gets the more and more he can give.

that that fire in him never fades.

that doubt never over clouds his judgement

and that if only- like today and yesterday and from every moment since i was able to hold him for the first time- that he forever finds comfort in my holding. and shelter in my arms from whatever maybe hard on him for the moment.

i cant expect more than that. i truly cant. life has to happen and learning has to happen, and with life and learning come mistakes and opportunities and saddness and greatness and that is LIFE as we know it. to expect more OF him i believe would take away from whats meant to just be. JUST be julian. just be you.

id like to the biggest guide and support i can. to honor to keep u safe and healthy. to talk it out. work it out. see all the sides so we can simply understand each other. i want to bask in ur light forever.

like most days these days arguing and yelling is so common. my mothers opinion is a constant reminder to do something or change something. instead of just being nothing. her mind is constantly flooded with worry and love and its all very confusing. i dont believe love is that hard. i do believe i was raised to believe it is among many other things but as ive learned..its not. worrying is not love. its a by product- a sub by product if that, love can be so many other greater postive things. worry should be the last. her expectations and how she has lived and thought control her actions. i feel she lets her expectaions could the reality. that reality IF it differs then her thoughts then it must be less. it must be incorect. it must be fixed.

i dont feel thats the case. im not aruing her way is wrong in any sense but i think our ways are deff different. and thats okay as i grow "my way " changs every second - logic would tell me that as i approch my 70th year of life i would have changed so much so that im sure my way would infact be similiar to yours. but that moment..is not now.

now is when i am able to make my own decsions. and those decisons need to be made and tended to be me.

i think its fair to say that with the 44 yr differnce between us we are entitled to have different opinions on most topics. the age the era. its a give in. so why argue about those things.. the things we cant really chnage or predict but have shaped us from within. old trauma's - life events.. these things have happened but they dont need to necessarily impact us in a negative way. i dont think any experience is meant to impact us in a negative way. i think it would best or better to learn and adapt and create the most postive "ness" we can cuz one can only grow in healthy soil.

her opinion and her thoughts no longer feed my soul. my self. they no longer impact me greatly. with postive impact but only bring negative thoughts and feelings. you are entitled to feel what u feel and how u feel it but i dont believe youre entitled to make meeee have to feel those feelings. i can understand u simply by u having raised me. by us having had a discussion. i know the feeling of making new steps in the sand. i just dont feel its fair to make me feel shitty for walking my own path.

just because its different doesnt mean its wrong

just because were learning and growing daily doesnt make us naive fools.

jp there is and never will be a right and wrong with u and me okay. prismic infinity honor and see all sides. lets argue less. listen always. i want to be someone u simply want to be around.

im done arguing about this apple

[cum-om-me]

Personal Entry:

Otter here, first i guess itd be fair to explain a few things up top.

Firstly Otter is a metaphorical alter ego which was created based of a nick name given to me in highh school.

I was coined as "the nomadic Otter" due to my well known history of drifting continuously through this existence being born in a foreign land not to many continents away,but like a gracious river otter flowing with the rivers which eventually reach the seas, i was always stoned more naive, but ironically zen. I was brought here by my single mother at four yrs old, my father was never in the picture nor was i allowed to speak about him or inquire about him to my family and those who may have any information regarding the history of my own coming into being.

We became permanent residents four years later and im currently going through the process of naturalization. I went through the american education system since pre kindergarten so naturalization has occured as an outcome, but just isn't finalized and paid for so i am now going through that initiation. Ive paid and gone through the preliminary round.

We landed in a small town in texas, age four. Came to california at fifteen, twenty years id moved one year to, year and a half due to my mothers profession In the medical field, sometimes, or i guess i should say almost always, we would have to go to where the work was most needed in order to sustain our basic living, taking us all over texas and parts of southern california. After eighteen yrs of age, i left home with duffel bag and a guitar because i wanted to escape the conventual fate planned for me by my elders.

Nature loves courage.... And it is Apparently so.

Of course there are so many factors and so much information to divulge to add the proper context to the point im trying to get to in the conclusion of this story. Im afraid id diverge so ill have to return to all that some other day.

Now that you understand where the otter ego within me (pun intended) was teased and entertained as an ideal character for the person i am, its seeds didnt really start sprouting till last year (2019) and its peaked above the mud, i can explain my newly found understanding of the purpose of using this "alter ego" "character" "avatar" to be able to dissolve the borders of my own limitations as a person creating art. To be able to truly entertain these thoughts through the medium of the otter avatar and not as the man, for it has been increasingly difficult for me to be able to contemplate and philosophize with my peers and the community of souls i once accepted as my tribe, in a way of intellectual taste and progress.. Now it seems the bridges between me and the village are dissolving and im trying to understand why. I stand on the side which i believe to be that of the importance of knowledge of self, critical thinking, and responsible skepticism in order to be able maintain reason within the tribe, to perserve that which is most human in our nature, in comparison to the madness we have seen over and over throughout history displaying itself in obvious patterns of repetition that consumed mobs rabidly, making itself its own enemy. Lets use a symbolic metaphor. The snake eats its own tail in the delusions of unity to find when its finished nothing remains but its mind left exposed, and without protection from even the weakest but competent prey.

You see the metaphors are simply the inner poet, using symbolic visual linguistic tools to paint a clearer picture.

We are a story driven organism, just ask the keepers of morality and the stories of god which has defined the basis of our now hypocritical society using it like a crutch too old to withstand the withering of time, frail and ready to snap like a twig beneath ones feet.

As george carlin once said "no one seems to notice, no one seems to care" and every debate that has naturally transpired in my social structures as of late has lead to a point where logical conclusions, non threatening ones at that, lead to the opposing side raising their white flag and settling for mediocrity. "I dont care, leave me alone"

Then the attack on personality and character are used as a defenses to preserve the beliefs already founded due to the uncomfortable nature of growth.

I sit and watch as i always have the flicker, flame and smell of the bridge burning in blazes right before my teary eyed soul.

Am I no longer included, wanted by the collective community? Has my own pursuit for knowledge, understanding, truth and the inner rapture of personal discovery lead me to ruins door? Am i incapable of getting out of my own way? Can you even go to far within yourself?

No one wants me to feel but its not ok to feel nothing at all

To think but, only on the agreeable subjects of status quo

To speak when spoken to but to only speak what is conveniently easy to digest by a still watered mind threatened by the chaos of waves beating on the shores of its shared sands.

Has erosion driven us mad. Have the corrupted springs poisoned our waters too far beyond repair.

Must i reluctantly recluse amidst the tides and hide underneath lonely currents that travel vast desserts beneath oceans.

Pandemics, parks closed, beaches are now illegal to its native children, by a seemingly upset stepdad whos love is equal to obedience and incapable of parenting,it seems theyre now gunning for the fringe, the free, the open, the love expressed through physical incarnation as its own self love for its own existence, through the odd, differnt, freaks, weirdos, mutants, prophets, and visionaries

Why should i fight for those who dont care about their own person their, own freedom.

Why stand for those who wouldnt even stand with you, nor for you.

"Those who trade freedom for security deserve neither"

-Benjamin Franklin

Yet who am i to claim that anyone deserves anything or doesnt. So regardless of the I Dont Care Generation emerging. I choose to care for not what is principles of good or evil but what i intuitively feel is sincere and right. So I must begin with myself and only in following intention will i be able to incite any real change. By making a difficult choice and knowing that it feels as though the risk is worth the gamble.

So now ive heard loud and clear and i have nothing else to let go of but this. So ill hold my tongue and wish for the best. For the eutopia not the the sneaky slip into distopia.

There's nothing further i can do other than create, experiance, enjoy, let go, and face the music, To put it as Alan Watts did, " this doesnt mean you wont jump when you hear the bang, or that you wont feel fear, but youll accept it, and the person who understands the tao in the morning my sleep peacefully at night"

"Once the mind has been extended it cant ever go back"

-Terrence Mckenna

I hope that you know ive accepted the multitudes of possible outcomes for our future, i may be optimistic but i feel prepared, oddly prepared. This isnt a statement or message based on fear but something none the lesse my heart cannot hold in.

So Otter is born so to speak to embody the imagination im trying to let out without it being taken seriously, but sincerely and within the temple of the timeless. Art.

Without it having to be the me, the person, that funny feeling between the eyes that screams out I, who finds himself walking away from flames due to trial and failure in channeling its own expression. I will not desist i just must evolve and create the platform on which i may rebuild. The system updated and the restart brought about change. Now we begin again. Full of breath, with new found vision, i forgive myself for my failures but i wouldnt ever be able to look at my own reflection if i didnt try until i got it right. I vow to myself and olny to myself for thats the only source of validation needed to exist freely, sovereign, that i will do my best to be who i am meant to be, the being and self of my choosing.

"Most people spend their lives trying to find themselves, lifes about creating yourself"

-Bob Dylan

So in conclusion i know im different, and it may be intimidating but you cant just get rid of it, turns out you must overcome it, and the only way out is through and for me that began when i went within.

I am all for the rules, and being apart of this country and its society and obeying social order but as John Locke wrote in "Common Sense" that this is an unspoken agreement between the govenrment and its people that so long as they are just in ruling us" we will have to obey the law but there must be a way for its people to regain its country when tyranny and injustice is getting in the way of democratic processes and this is coming from a almost fully naturalized immigrant that came here to seek safe haven from a Democratic country plagued by unfairness. It would be a pitty to see it happen to a promise land founded of rich ideals. To those ive come to see as my own brothers and sisters, i love the ideal of true patriotism but where has it gone? If i need to be more protective of my personal privacy so that i may be able to practice my philosophical self studies, music, and comedy, to persue basic creative thinking methods openly. Then i choose this mask nit the one i was told to wear since birth. Theres always an person beneath the mask playing into the drama of this darma and we get into yoga with its fun to preten that we loose ourselves and assume the identity of the character portrayed in the scene in order to truly bring the crowd to the edge of its seat in awe and anticipation of the beauty of its poetry that at the end when the play is concluded both protagonist and antagonist join hands and the audience cheers for both equally for the dazzling deception and its cleverness for playing on the emotions of the observer.

Then the cast returns to the green room and become again who they were naturally.

Im 26 and ive found my character and im ready to submerse myself in its divine play and get involved participate, get lost in the mask of the person which is temporary but the spark behind conciousness seems to be the driving energy of existence benevolent, and eternel. Worth gambling so, now we roll the dice and hit the mystery button, just like the amnesia serum we gave ourselves before conception, into the womb we went. Only when you awaken your consciousness in the dream do you get to control the avatar, lucidly.

It doesnt seem to be a requirement, more like an EXPERIANCE badge rewarded for interesting work in the feild.

These again are ideals, not truths, thoughts and patterns worth examining and if capable entertaining till the conclusions and realizations of truth or delusion run their course. If you havent reached that point you havent really thought it through logistically right?

Lets discuss this comment below.

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE EIGHT: “MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty” - Kurt

So after Trent walked there was silence for a long time, and an announcement came out (well two). The first was the Trent announcement (RIP we will avenge you!) At the bottom it announced he was the first member of the JURY! This excites me for three reasons. First off, I never made jury on my original season in Easter Island because I won and during my second season (darksided Generations) I was a self proclaimed (with heavy delusion) pre jury robbed goddess. The second reason that I almost shit my corduroys that jury stage was here was because if I was a pre merge juror, I would not under ANY circumstance vote for someone’s game I did not see. I also know Trent is personally rooting for original Armonia villains which is a vote in my pocket if I end up at the end. My final reason that I was excited was that I was happy that Trent got to participate in the jury stage because he deserves it. He played a phenomenal pre merge game and I’m happy he gets to at least have a say in the winner, regardless of the outcome.

I was getting to my other point, the second announcement came minutes later....MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty. I was stoked because we’re officially at that point. It’s also a little scary because there’s only five original Armonia left with Trent going. I’m also scared because I know Andreas and I have bad blood from Easter Island when my alliance bullied him all season long. I have a lot of ass kissing to do and I hope I have some good acting skills because this is going to be a chore. Actually the more I think about it, the only bright side of merge is that we’re that much closer to making it to the end. Oh and NED. Hydra is reunited and oh it feels good.

MERGE!! Yes! I’m so happy, and better yet—the people I wanted out most are gone! Olivia, Keegan and Trent. They were all coming for my head, and I LOVE they left one by one. That’s karma for you. Don’t get me wrong, I like/love them all on a personal level, but game wise I’m so happy they’re gone and I’m glad Trent is fine. Now I’m meeting the final batch of people. Sarah I already know but I need to catch up with her! Nikolas unless he’s just not there is online and hasn’t responded in an hour or so, but he was cool to talk to. Lukas and Matt however I do like the most right now! Matt I feel I’m connecting with a bit and same with Lukas. Kurt and Sharifa I still feel connected to, but Kurt said he can’t trust anybody right now due to what was going on, and him and sharifa were feeling me in on everything. Basically Olivia’s antics with going after me really messed her and her group up and it got her caught with her strategy like I knew she’d get caught eventually. I peeped her and Trent way before the curve, mainly because they were that fucking obvious. Jake I have to KEEP my eye on. Because they said he was upset with Olivia going but he’s saying he heard what Olivia was trying and was happy she’s gone. So imma have to feel him out but for now I think he’s lying due to what I’ve heard. As for the heroes I love them all and I really hope we stick together or they’ll just pick us all off. And that I don’t want to happen. At all. And I just hope for once I can chill and not have my name thrown, but you never know. This could be the start to a very messy round. I usually sleep late but I might sleep early because I feel I might be getting sick and I know as soon as I take this medicine I’ll be drowsy so we’ll see!!

Whew Chile... what a moment yesterday was. So the morning after me sharifa and kurt are plotting to blindside Sarah, I see that kurt called w nicklas and downplayed our relationship which nicklas didn’t buy but wasn’t too shaded by it. But I decided to tell sharifa and kurt that I know nicklas so they trust him more Which resulted in kurt going AWFF thinking that his game was ruined or something? Idk i was shaking but we talked it out and he was calm Then the plan for Sarah gets scrapped because trent decides to quit! It sucked because he would be a number for us, but it’s best to respect his wishes.... So trent goes and then we MERGE. Lord help me. I ain’t ready for this shit S O S

We merged....... im so happy because i could not stay on the heroes for much longer. We were getting too small and it was scary honestly. Of the 12 people in the game, there's 3 I haven't played this season with yet, which isn't terrible! I'm not meeting a bunch of people. I've also had a lot happening in my personal life so that's been impacting my ability to interact. One thing that is noteworthy is that Ned, Sarah, and I have reunited finally and we are about to run this game !!!!! Let it be KNOWN!!!

So these are my thoughts on everyone: Sarah: Love her, would die for her, we are co-winning this game together with Ned. Ned: Love him, would die for him, we are co-winning this game together with Sarah. Chris: So I know I've been 'working with him' but I don't trust him because I think he's a lot closer to Malik then I think. He is good for my game but I'm only working with him because I need to. Dennis: Similarly to Chris, I am only working with him because I need to. I think he might be reading into that more then Chris is... but I could be wrong. I think he presents as more of a target then me. Malik: I think he would turn on me if it meant saving his ass. But I think he's an asset to have around because people are mad with him. Lukas: I like him, he's funny and nice. I haven't been able to play with him alot because of the swap but hopefully we can. Nicklas: I think he's very smart as a former winner, so I am careful but I think we have a decent enough connection. Matt: Me and Matt are both playing each other and it's the funniest thing ever LOL.... anyways he's smart and will shoot himself in the butt for it. Jake: Don't know him much but I heard he is a snake so I want him OUT. Sharifa: SO DANGEROUS !! I think she's really dangerous but a good ally to have around maybe (?). I have a lot of respect for her coming back and being her true self so that's very empowering. Kurt: So the thing about Kurt was we played before but I wasn't really worried about that.... but I have found out from multiple sources that he worried about that. And no amount of me talking to him has changed that? So looks like I am now worried about that? UGHH Anyways this merge should be fun.... i just want single digits 

Okay so we merged and yeah now I’m feeling really grateful to have made it to this point, jokes aside. I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to not only play with Sharifa again but get to know her as a person so much deeper. She is such an admirable person and she really touches my heart. I know I’m sappy about her a lot but she truly is one of my closest friends in my real life.

The way my current relationships stand right now is ranked (w/ reasoning as so)   1.   Sharifa (duh) 2. Jake (my fellow f@ggot) 3. Ned (boy you lucky for Hydra) 4. Lukas (he thinks he’s my #1, I love him tho) 5. Malik (as much as I know his act is a facade, he thinks were close so) 6. Nicklas (we had a good talk and basically compared notes, very intelligent) 7. Matt (neutral, I trust him a bit to stay villain strong but only for so long) 8. Sarah (same feelings as I have toward Matt) 9. Andreas (we spoke and I apologized and he accepted, progress people) 10. Chris (seems friendly enough but Ned told me he has an idol so kinda sketch) 11. Dennis (hard to read, nice enough but know he’s heroes strong) & HOSTS 1. Nicole (my fav host sorry boys) 2. Owen (picks up the slack) 3. Andrew (quality humour but our fight sis :( ) 4. Monty (idk her....bc she’s intern & not around much) Love y’all ❤️

So Jake came clean to Sharifa and myself about having a relationship with Nicklas. This raises serious red flags for us because it’s like we’ve been questioning if Jake is truly with us or not this entire time and have wanted to believe he was. He claims he is closer with us and Nicklas is just the equivalent to like my Lukas. Sure, that’s a fair comparison, but the difference is that I told The Cock Destroyers about Lukas. Nicklas was Jake’s best and worst kept secret. Now I’m second guessing everything I say to him but I still want to truly believe we are sisters till the end. If he fucks us over I will be absolute heartbroken. Like, he’s my amigas cheetah.

Of the four newest people I’ve met, I feel the most connected to Lukas and slightly Matt. Nicklas before comes on or messages and Sarah only messages a couple of times and then vanishes. She’s someone I also know so I could use that bond but idk if I can trust her yet or not. The only one I feel I can trust atm is lukas but I’ll have to see how that goes.

Malik is a lot. I play along with most of his flirtation and advances but it’s solely to get myself in his good graces to ensure I have a loyal ally and someone looking out for me. It’s also because I made the mistake of purposely approaching him and almost like lead him on. Now he’s so attached and I can’t for the sake of my game just be like “not really into it please stop”. And I know there’s other boys who are uncomfortable by it too. Unfortunately right now he is our Phillip and we have to keep him around for now....Fuck im so mean. I make him sound so bad, he’s actually fine, I’m just a huge asshole and Malik when you see this I’m sorry dude.

K i guess i should update you When we swapped i connected with matt and sharifa the most Hated trent bc he tried to spread my name but we decided to vote kage out bc hes crazy-anyways now that we have merged sharifa wants to form some fucking majority alliance with the villains since we have majorty Only thing is that i like chris and dennis ALSO andreas, ned and I are in a f3 together and they know I have the idol. So anyways this isnt gonna work, i need to play secret spy but its gonna be hard deceiving sharifa. I got her to confide in me that she has the idol and I told her i have the idol as well -i regret telling her Also andreas and ned told me chris has the idol so im 100% certain the 3 of us know where all the idols are. Anyways, this is messy, im still a bitch and I need to figure something out. Wish me luck bitches ‘

I don’t like Matt anymore. He keeps reading my private messages and is talking in main chat and isn’t saying much or a word or reacted to me or anything. So I feel like he’s going to try to message me once immunity is over and I’m going to just roll my eyes and laugh so hard. I thought the guy was cool, but I spoke too soon. I did feel like something was off from the gate anyways with his first responses. I just won’t message him until he messages me but rn the only villain I like from the other tribe is Lukas. Sarah step it up sis I wanna say positive things about you!! On the other hand, Teen Titans all think we’re in trouble, so I’m thinking about snatching Kurt since he doesn’t trust anyone from his tribe and see how that goes. I would do Sharifa too, but I feel she’s likely connected with the others. But if I leave her out of a vote she could very well not trust me anymore. But the only original tribe members I trust are Ned and Kurt. And I trust the Teen Titans, we just need one more number incase they come for us. Maybe rocks I see?!

Sarah says something after I mention that she hasn’t been too talkative? Hmmm

Looking at the merge, I am PUMPED and NERVOUS and ready to LOSE! A lot of different scenarios can play out here- Heroes vs Villains prevail or Armonia vs Molysmeno. I have faith it won't end in the latter, in fact, I suspect lines may be a little blurred, but maybe not in the first tribal council or two. Having that said, a lot of people are surprising me this round in a good way such as Lukas,, Kurt, and Sharifa! Whereas my old pals of Sarah and Matt might have slipped in some people's eyes, I have to keep them in mind when figuring out what happens next. Jake may be targeted but I'm not gonna count on it just yet. All in all, I think I prefer Teen Titans more than Mystery Incorporated because it feels so genuine, but we'll see!

It would seem Malik's talking to Kurt/Lukas on turning on the villains. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. In order to fully trust that, I'd have to look into those 2 actually giving a name instead of wanting us to. Having that said, Dennis does not trust Kurt, Matt is sheeping to avoid 3-peating his merge boot status I suppose, the rest of the villains I guess dropped the whole Ned vote campaigns, and everyone else playing the Waiting Game like time is money so yeah

I do feel it is a little intriguing how the villains are acting coy and facetious when they have a majority, not to mention, hold more people than others. It's pretty telling that this group is pretty passive. Nevertheless, my intentions are to get the scoop and solve this mystery

Guess who is ready to lose their mind ???????????? So Malik is trying to get Kurt and Lukas to vote with the heroes which I know for a fact is not happening because Sarah told me that Kurt said that wasn't going to happen. Now im going to call Kurt because he's being shady and says he wants to vote the villains ? Kurt WHAT ARE YOU DOING

My goddddddd. I hate this merged tribe. The smart thing to do would be to stick to the villain numbers, but I know each villain has like 20 connections each outside of the villain tribe. I don’t like Andreas. He is fake to me. Idk why. I’m working so hard on making Malik like me, but he’s sketchy too. I love Dennis but I don’t think he loves me that much. Ned is a ghost. As of now I’m just going to sit back and let people handle this shit without me. I don’t think I’ll be the target if the heroes seize control, so that’s good. Shall be interesting.

Just got off my hour long call with Kurt and I felt good about it, I think we can trust each other. But then DENNIS messages lukas and sends a lie to him that Malik getting Lukas and Kurt is a ploy??? WTF ???? What is happening right now

Remember when I said I was going to lose my mind? YUP thats still happening. just about to hop on call with sharifa to show im willing to work with the crazy villains

Honestly? This vote sucks ass. As mentioned in the video, Nicklas was nice enough to tell me whats "actually" going on and I honestly feel like its best to just let it happen, because no matter what. One of my allies goes home. Either crackhead Malik, who has a big heart and is just trying his best, or  big heart chris who shared his idol with apparently the entire world and has to pay the price for it. I've been contemplating about this for the past 3.5 hrs and idk, as bad as this sounds, it just feels like it is better to not properly warn him. I've tried to give him hints that something isn't up or right tonight, but I can only do so much to hopefully not completely crucify my game. Of course there is the chance that I am actually the one who is going home or they are trying to send ned home anyways and bait an idol like that, but idk. I don't know why Nicklas would lie to me, when I am a valuable number to him. IF I survive I just need to start over and get my social game going properly. If you read this Chris and you actually went home tonight, I am heartbroken and sad, I would've gone as deep as possible with you and Andreas too, if he wasn't close to others aswell.

Im getting this weird feeling in my stomach that the tribal won't go as planned. Malik has gotten really quiet, and when he does that it normally means he is mad. I'm not surprised and honestly if someone didn't run their mouth I'd be surprised. Maybe I am the one going home ?? Who knows

It's gotten like wild quiet? Am i going home ? Randomly really nervous

[m-dubita-beale-blog]

Sometimes the Holidays get you in your Feelings.........

 Guess i have a thing for getting songs stuck in my head. They do say the best way to get rid of one is to find another to replace it so i guess that’s what i did. Today’s groove invading my personal thought space is an Erykah Badu joint called “Didnt Cha Know” and the baseline is just so infectious you just feel it. Its crazy i watched her recent performance on BET for the Soultrain Awards and it was so good that i started thinking “man i would love to see her live”. literally days later this song pops in my head, so i google her and sure enough she will soon be in San Francisco playing at the Warfield on December 28th which isnt this Friday but the next one. Of course i have to go obviously, ill go alone if i have to but whatever we’re getting off topic its an amazing song give it a listen while i get some bullshit off my chest.                                                        https://youtu.be/9IRKiYlTj5g  (Song of the day)

Damn.........*sigh*                                                                                                              I need a good woman in my life. I wanna want to do all the cute shit together. I wanna do/have “We and Us type shit” together.

      I hope shes fine as fuck. Beautiful, Gorgeous, cute, all the adjectives. I want her to make me have to pause every time i see her just because i need to think to myself “DAMN”, especially without make up on. I don’t really have any unrealistic standards of beauty or anything like that. I just apologetically like what i like and we can get into specifics of what that is another time but If you don’t look at someone and feel proud to be next to them then that’s a problem. I wanna look at her and see possible future outcomes, short or long term i wanna see her and say “i want ALL OF THOSE PROBLEMS”. 

    Don’t get me wrong, attraction is very important, it helps with initial interactions because it holds your attention(Gravitation: F = Gm1m2/r2 ). So much to see, take in, and appreciate. Eyes are the window to the soul and all that shit But its about the vibe as well. Its the same with any other species on planet Earth, large group of the same animals together and one mating call or dance or ritual wont work for everyone but it does for someone. Chemistry is so Real, its the substance in which every friendship(no matter how small) is built upon. like all foundations there are some stronger than others and its a beautiful thing when there’s a connection you can feel and comes with common interests attached to it. 

      Attraction+mutual vibes via conversation and shared experiences leads to increase of chemistry which is a nice recipe for cultivating love for each other as long as both parties aren’t fucking it up. Are all of these things really too much to ask for in 2018? Is it too tall an order? Personally i don’t think so, i don’t feel it is because i have experienced first hand having these things before.......but i kinda, sorta fucked that up. 

    In the back of my mind i have a lingering unpleasant concern. What if that was my chance and i blew it? One thing leads to another your life is changing, its getting harder to imagine life before them, your lives are intertwined in such a symbiotic way and then suddenly things fall apart. Who you once called your best friend you can only call a stranger you used to know. What seemed to be star crossed shined to bright, went supernova and burned itself out until it was no more.(Fuck i really need to stop thinking about my Ex)

  Moving forward i don’t doubt that there will be new women to come into my life and that ill put my past behind me or at least just appreciate it as the learning experience that it is but i cant help but ask the “what if’s”. I find it annoyingly funny the way we have all had a moment where we contemplate a decision we regret but in the exact same breathe we say “well actually you know, if i never did that then these things wouldn't have happened” looking on the bright side at the silver lining. Don’t that be some shit? 

Whatever, point is you can never exaggerate when saying you never truly appreciate something until its gone and if i ever find myself in a position with a fine ass woman who vibes with me to the point where we appreciate and care about each other to the point where we push one another to do better. Genuinely wish success upon each other in whatever form our goals, ambitions, or dreams take and flowers bloom. I will do everything in my power try not to not take her for granted and make that shit work...........who knows, maybe she likes listening to Erykah Badu too.................

[48theophilus48-blog]

THEOPHILUS is “BORN” the “ALPHA” and the “OMEGA”

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As you think, so shall you become.

As you think, so shall you become.

John 10; 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness

Our natural drive toward the aesthetically pleasing indicates beauty is inarguably one of the most gratifying features of the human experience. From things as commercialized as fine art to popular culture, beauty practically always takes first place. Needless to say, countless people owe their professional and financial success to their charmingly good looks – it’s a well known fact that being attractive gets you through the door in most social settings.

Bruce Lee, the world renown martial artist, said, “As you think, so shall you become.”

BEAUTY is brought about by faith so you have to exercise and get your body to your satisfaction before your beauty comes upon you you're what YOU think if you think and settle for how you are well then nothing's is going to change but if you just think I'm going to change and REALLY want to change with my interpretation of grace lil by lil so small it's barely noticeable but not to the impatient human eye

Romance 11; 6And if it is by grace, then it is no longer by works. Otherwise, grace would no longer be grace

James 2; 17Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.

Romans 12:1-2 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, ""which is your spiritual worship. ""

patience is a great trait to learn and a must-have for gods grace so here it is you HAVE to WANT to do it because WE are impatient to start it will better you the only power the devil has in the long run is creating problems and trials to make you wait so you have patience and ALL JOY sure will have to deal with the problems and trials which are TEMPORARY PAIN/SADNESS

what you do is everytime your gonna wash your hands barely turn the water on start off with low wash hands with that for week then lower that just barely if you need a lil more MAKE it happen dont forget YOUR in charge go a couple weeks like that then just go ahead and lower it as you wish get it down to just before the drips is where i am at dont forget this WILL better your life and if someone needs to use restroom oh well lol j/k turn it up for that one time

Think big if you want to be big

You have to believe your something greater if you are unhappy with your current situation and want to be a brand new man or a GOD

2 Corinthians 5; 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away;JOE behold, new things have come THEOPHILUS

Joe is dead, transformed, and gone

Before I used to think well if we are born of men and are men shouldn't we be God's by are faith then after my crash God showed me this

Psalm 82;6 I said, "You are gods, And all of you are sons of the Most High.

Hebrews 11; 6But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God ""MUST"" believe that HE IS, and that he is a REWARDER of them that diligently seek him.

When I first read this I was like that is me :p

It's like when I woke from my coma and my family and gf were all telling me I could beat this and and I never give up just telling me how I was and I REALLY didn't remember so I was going to be the man that they said I was lol

Romans 8; 24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? OR WHO THEY ALREADY ARE25But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it

What if someone DREAMED of becoming something other then what society intended aspiring something GREATER EST

John 14; 12 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.

Does Your Heavenly Father Desire to Teach You To Become the Best Like Him & Be Thrilled Silly if You could only Dare to be Proud enough to Desire Surpassing The Heavenly Teacher. GREATEREST “WORKS” [DEVINE POWER]

taught me the excersize for patience GREATER'EST" WORKS i havent seen anybody with a six pack abbs "a real person with a 9-5 job cant afford ttrainers or were there life isnt at a gym 24/7 " esspecially for me a CRIPLE you would think it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to have muscles at all but "I [WILL] HAVE HUGE ARMS MEDIUM CHEST 6 PACK ABBS"

John 10;31The Jews picked up stones again to stone Him. 32Jesus answered them, “I showed you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you stoning Me?” 33The Jews answered Him, “For a good work we do not stone You, but for blasphemy; and because You, being a man, make Yourself out to be God.” 34Jesus answered them, “Has it not been written in your Law, ‘I SAID, YOU ARE GODS’? 35“If he called them gods, to whom the word of God came (and the Scripture cannot be broken)

Think big if you want to be big

John 3;29... So this JOY of mine has been made full. 30“He must increase,THEOPHILUS but I must decrease.JOE

Romans 6;22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the fruit you reap leads to holiness, and the outcome is ETERNAL LIFE.

expect nothing, prepare for everything

Yesterday is a promise that you've broken

Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes

This is your life and today is all you've got now

Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have

Don't close your eyes

Don't close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

its NEVER TO LATE TO CHANGE just gets harder or more time PATIENCE

2 Peter 3; 9The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is PATIENT toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.

When I first started this JOURNEY I was stuck in my bed only leaving to get HELPED/ PICKED UP AND PUT IN MY CHAIR and to PUSHED to get FED or to be GIVEN a shower and that was my LIFE I didn't see it getting any better so I had ears to hear and was looking for AND WOULD "TRY ANYTHING" SO I WAS READING MY BIBLE after I heard Ecclesiastes 11;9 on my DVD Bible Jon bought me I would listen to it before bed and I woke to it on that Scripture I think I just paused it woke up looked up that Scripture WOW then I read that if it is his grace it's no longer on a basis of works and around that time the lord is teaching me about patience

just start getting up with intentions to go running or lift some weights and next month you get up start just getting dressed like if you were gonna exersise GRACE STEPS smaller then baby steps ;p and when were PATIENT and PERSISTENT we get to were we are going ;p

James 1; 12Blessed is a man who PERSEVERES under trial; for once he has been approved,PATIENCE he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him

2 Peter 3; 9The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is PATIENT toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.

Romance 11; 6And if it is by grace, then it is no longer by works. Otherwise, grace would no longer be grace

When you are working out if you are lifting one weight for a while it gets EASIER instead of progressing right away you wait be PATIENT

God told me just start getting up and rolling around your room a little longer each week I was all that is going to take FOREVER and then after that I will just be able to walk around in my chair my standard of life goes up then I start to seek my independance then God told me say it takes me 10 years lol back then that was a long time 13 YEARS AGO lol he told me 10 years from now you're going to look back on this time and think if I would of just started TRYING I could've been walking but instead I decided to just live life and GIVE UP "if you ain't first your last" if you're not trying to get ahead be the GOD'S that we are your GIVING UP and it has been 13 years I CAN WALK a little by Myself and can and DO eat by Myself ALL DAY LOL I take showers Myself wash and dry and hang my clothes they put my hanging shelf at my level so I can hang clothes and get dressed MYSELF and all this from getting up and walking around my room in my wheelchair for 10 minutes to start

So just start DOING something it doesn't matter how little or insignificant it seems PATIENCE and PERSISTENCE wins the race and LIFE

Start working on the yard 5 minutes a day do that every day for a month then work for 6 minutes every day no excuses do that until you feel comfortable than up it another minute and continue with that until your yard is clean then move on to your body

James 1; 12Blessed is a man who PERSEVERES under trial; for once he has been approved,PATIENCE he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him

NO EXCUSES once you give in to one excuse it becomes easier to give in to the next one and so on until you've completely STOPPED

Lord, the feelings are not the same,

I guess I'm older, I guess I've changed.

And how I wish it had been explained, that as you're growing you must remember,

That nothing lasts, except the grace of God, by which I stand, in Jesus.

I know that I would surely fall away, except for grace, by which I'm saved

That nothing lasts, except the grace of God, by which I stand, in Jesus

[isaacathom]

technically the logical extension o Rhia’s arc is for her to actually become the Champion in between the ‘first’ game and the ‘second’ but i also feel like that only makes sense if she took the e4 job willingly. which she ONLY does if you reconcile her and Elliot. if they dont reconcile, she takes the job out of a sense of duty, not because she explicitly wants it. she DOES, like she does want the job, because even if she hates authority on some level she still really wants to be a powerful trainer and protect people. but she didnt go into it with the right mindset. but if Rhia and Elliot sort out their problems, Rhia is able to deal with her issues with authority and take the e4 job with glee. she revels in it! she loves it! its the culmination of her childhood dreams! and this would allow her to become the champion in future, should Gwendolen allow it (bearing in mind Gwen is a fucking beast). but if Rhia still has that slight block, if she and Elliot didnt really deal with their problems ‘correctly’ (constructively?) then Rhia wouldnt have the drive. so even if Gwendolen said ��hey Rhia you’re really strong. would you consider trying to become the Champion?’ she’d probably say no! even though, in her heart, she really wants to. but being unable to deal with Elliot properly is a block on that, for her.

its like. the thing with the split ending is that, even though Rhia becomes the e4 member no matter WHAT route you put her down (due to postgame content), Rhia doesn’t get to feel correctly about Elliot. with Reconcile, your actions prove to her that Elliot has changed, and she opens up to the possibility of sorting out their problems, which ultimately allows both of them to grow. not to move past, because Rhia’s life has been intimately shaped by his actions, but to grow with it instead of remaining stunted. but Split, your actions prove he HASNT changed, so she is closed to the idea. so when Elliot basically forces her to consider that he’s changed (by intervening in the confrontation with Felicity and nearly getting himself actually killed like straight up human murdered) its not right. she still ends up acknowledging that he has changed, but the context for that revelation changes EVERYTHING for her. because in reconcile, its mutal. in split, its one sided, and its elliots side, forcing what he wants onto her AGAIN. and even if Rhia doesn’t consciously acknowledge this (if she did she’d probably fucking shatter so its for the best), she’s aware of this dissonance on some level and it continues to hold her back.

the only way to properly reconcile these differences (in routes, not elliot/rhia, fuck) is for that hypothetical second game to recognise those choices you made, and change the formation of the whole elite 4 around it. like, in the ‘first’ game, the only change that is made is whether Elliot is in the e4 at all. Rhia will be in the e4 by the end regardless, but Elliot can be there for a while (at least once - you can take on the league during te postgame story though thats a weird choice for you to make as a player but i mean fuck it power to the player?). but in the second game, as an extension OF that choice, it changes whether Rhia is just an e4 member or if shes the champion, WHICH then extends to affecting Gwendolen, who would now just be a regular elite. and that seems like a lot of effort to make? though it would be kind of fun. the ‘default’ would be Rhia Champion because i make the rules.

though if i was going to allow the E/R routes to have that much of a consequence, then id have to make the same allowance for Sam, since the asumption is if you ended up with team!Sam (who then disappears after the tower because /they got arrested/) they would return in the second game as a Villain. or could they be reformed? thats the issue. once Sam is arrested i imagined that the player would get one last chance to talk to them, maybe apologise or wish them good luck, or say shit like ‘good riddance’ or laugh. and if thats the case, would THAT dialogue feed in? would a Sam who received an apology act the same as a Sam who did not? i dont think so! id hope that the apology would help Sam be a better person, while an insult would make Sam more bitter and more likely to commit more crimes in their future! so THAT alone is like, a SPLIT in the route, meaning theres actually 4 permutations of Sam. apology!sam, insult!sam, neutral!sam, and friend!sam. which is a shit to fuck. my god. thats so much. admittedly neutral!sam does fuck all, but friend!sam would have a place, absolutely. they’d be working with Mattie and Rhia and all the other org loyalists to continue running the region but properly this time. insult!sam is off being a big part of whatever new villain appears. and apooology!sam issss..... maybe double crossing? their past as a Team member allows them power in the new villains group but theyre good intentions allow them to work with the ‘new org’ and they can double agent. which would lead to some significant differences. then theres Zeke, who i STILL havent figured out what the fuck is doing. and THEN theres the other characters who would exist in that game who would have their own routes. itd be a clusterfuck, is my point.

idek what this is useful for. psychoanalysing Rhia? about right. if she doesnt get closure the way she wants it - with mutual understanding - then she never truly grows. on the surface she may end up in a similar place, doing similar things, but its where she goes from there. with closure, shes free to move forward onto other things, other problems. it will always be there, but it can be managed. if the closure doesnt come or it comes wrong, it will be harder to manage and she cant move past it as much. yay! she can only unlock her potential if she closes that door to that which holds her back and confronts it. and while forcing her to confront it is ONE way to do that, allowing her to make that choice to close it herself at her own speed is more meaningful to me and lets her feel satisfied with the outcome.

in the hypothetical far future, a split!Rhia, even though she has technically reconciled with Elliot, will probably never truly come to terms with it until he dies. and he will, probably 10-20 years after the end of the postgame. thats when a split!Rhia will open herself proper, but its too little, too late. the ability to have proper closure is lost and im fucking projecting arent i. god fucking dammit. im projecting. nooopppeee zip that shit we arent do that again.

idk maybe if i got closure id be able to give Rhia the closure she deserves but i imagine she’d end up in the same boat as me, where she’s never able to properly close the door on that chapter of her life and it hangs open at all times, flapping in the wind. she can never truly right it off. and maybe if he’s not there she’ll be free on some level, and able to move forward in a different way, but it definitely isnt the same, and its not the ending she wants. Rhia wants to confront Elliot and have him be genuine with her and explain himself, and for him to accept what he’s done. if he dies before she thinks he’s done that (or before SHE has properly explained herself in a way that feels satisfying) then its a failure.

this is just some fuck shit.