#being stuck in this endless cycle of avoidance and fear and uncertainty is hell
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#as someone with a crippling fear of failure#this hits hard#like I was raised in environments where failure wasn't a “learning experience” as I've been told it should be in my adulthood#instead failure was just failure#and there were no second chances or opportunities to learn anything other than “you messed up now you pay the price”#so while I succeeded in school#it's only bc my fears and anxieties wouldn't let me fail#(and bc school has a repetitive and simple structure that real life doesn't)#and now trying to move on with my life as an adult is next to impossible bc doing so means accepting that I very likely might fail#being stuck in this endless cycle of avoidance and fear and uncertainty is hell#and trying to break that cycle is incredibly terrifying in and of itself
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