#being like: jesus fuck that’s a good url which person is that???

[stilinskiderek]

just gonna jump the gun on the ask game - 01 for our favorite teen wolfs

OH LETS GOOOOO this took me a while to answer because i have been formulating . i've been ideating. none of this will be a shock . but i have so much to say.

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: DEREK HALE completely unsurprisingly. Literally from season 1 episode 1. I love him so much.

Least Favorite character: THEO RAEKEN Even in my rewatch I didn't like him, which makes him okay as a villain but I don't even really like him as a villain. also started my teen wolf rewatch when i was rewatching pll and kept calling him mike.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): STEREK literally from day 1 also. The only fic i read for teen wolf is sterek. SCISAAC also from the first time i watched the show. there's something so special to me about scott and isaac together i love them so much STALIA i didn't actually like them together when i first watched the show but rewatching it??? holy shit. they were so so so so good for each other and it broke my heart when they broke up. one of the scenes in s5 where malia says she knows stiles had to kill one of the chimeras but 'it didn't matter' /didn't affect how much she cared about him so she didn't bring it up??? holy shit. that paired with 'i would never leave without you' GOD I LOVE MALIA TATE STYDIA spoilers for a show that ended in 2017 but i did in fact cry when they ended up together. dont forget i love you?? bitch im going to scream ALLYDIA i got one of my friends to start teen wolf and they sent me a message like midway through season 1 and said 'do people ship allison and lydia?" and the answer is yes. me. i'm people.

Character I find most attractive: DEREK HALE also 'character most frequently covered in blood' and 'character most likely to be in distress'

Character I would marry: DEREK HALE i mean. come on.

Character I would be best friends with: ISAAC LAHEY he is SO important to me and i loved him even more with rewatching the show. someone please be nice to him.

a random thought:

An unpopular opinion: I FUCKING LOVE SCOTT MCCALL . i know a lot of people dont! i understand! but i love him so much. scott is probably my second favorite character in the show. he is . chefs kiss. a lot of that also comes from loving tyler posey. + i am GENUINELY excited for the movie. I know most people are not! i am. if you ask yourself 'who asked for this movie?' the answer is tumblr user stilinskiderek. i asked.

My Canon OTP: STALIA not a ship that lasted but my favorite canon ship ever. i loved them together so so much and i missed their dynamic in season 6

My Non-canon OTP: SCISAAC HEAR ME OUT i know i have a sterek url i also love sterek BUT i think Scisaac could've been made canon so easily whereas sterek couldn't have. I GENUINELY think if Isaac was a female character he would've ended up with Scott. Their personalities worked so so well together and I really think they could've been canon!!!

Most Badass Character: DEREK HALE like for the sheer number of times this man has brushed death and survived. jesus CHRIST.

Most Epic Villain: VOID!STILES the other characters having to fight with a person they were FRIENDS WITH?? stiles is scott's BROTHER like holy SHIT. god. the emotional turmoil. dylan obrien killed it. the divine move is one of my favorite episodes of the entire show.

Pairing I am not a fan of: DRAEDEN it just felt...out of nowhere? and kind of weird? i think because season 4 was when hoechlin wasn't a series regular anymore so derek wasn't a key character in every episode it felt like their relationshp was super rushed and just. didn't fit either one of their characterizations.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): DEREK HALE i could talk about this until the cows come home. i think that derek was not treated with any sort of importance despite being a main character, and i don't think the literal trauma and abuse he suffered at the hands of kate argent was ever properly addressed. a lot of his actions and the way he treats people are obviously based in that experience but there was absolutely NO attempt at resolving it or even really acknowledging it. It should've been something, especially in season 4 with kate coming back, but it wasn't. i'm never going to not be mad about it. in that same vein, i think derek and isaac's relationship could've been way more impactful if the writers gave a fuck about derek. with the other hale betas in s2, jackson, erica, and boyd all have 'real'/biological families they can go home to. jackson's might not be great but he still has somewhere else to go. the only person isaac had was derek, which puts derek begrudgingly into this older brother/dad role for isaac that could've been incredible HAD THE WRITERS DONE ANYTHING WITH IT!! clearly isaac is living in the loft with derek but ?? that's all we ever get. what could've been a really great found family moment was absolutely nothing, and watching the scene in s3 where derek is terrified of the alpha pack coming for him TO THE POINT WHERE HE SENDS ISAAC AWAY TO KEEP ISAAC SAFE makes me so mad because if that relationship had been developed that scene would've been even MORE heartbreaking. isaac is being sent away by the only person he has in the world and that hurts but derek should've also been hurting because he's trying to protect this kid he took in but he can't explain it to him and i just. it could've been the bella/charlie scene in twilight but it wasn't!!!

Favourite Friendship: SCOTT/STILES stiles has scott's back through literally everything and god the scene in motel california with the flare breaks me every single time.

Character I most identify with: LYDIA okay this was hard for me to answer because i identify with a lot of them but in different ways?? then i remembered one time my friend sophie asked me to pick a teen wolf sun/moon/rising sign which i think fits this question. my rising sign is Scott, my moon sign is Lydia, and my rising sign is Malia. I think out of all of them I identify the most with Lydia!! i love her.

Character I wish I could be: DANNY I just want to be adjacent to all of the chaos and observe from afar. the way he knew about the werewolves because nobody can whisper in beacon hills is so special to me. i also love that he's the singular side character who was not made supernatural and did not die, just vibed the entire time.

[carrion-aac]

I posted 4,624 times in 2021

1184 posts created (26%)

3440 posts reblogged (74%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.9 posts.

I added 2,150 tags in 2021

#elliott answers - 466 posts

#temperance answers - 446 posts

#rubi - 444 posts

#random - 193 posts

#temperance babbles - 180 posts

#rubi reads the hunger games - 174 posts

#lite - 79 posts

#ninjago - 61 posts

#con - 56 posts

#tommyinnit - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#i cant even remember why i followed u but ur long ass posts and ur url make me laugh/smile all the time

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

heeheehoohoo tag game time i suppose

with this picrew!! (made by carrotkake, their art is epic, check them out)

tags: @libetssdelay @flyingscreechingpenguins @emo-and-confused @bellfort3 @lil-lite-in-the-darkness @imnotentirelycertain

226 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 19:00:20 GMT

#4

["bravo, bravo! what a wonderful preformance!"]

["i do pity you. just a piece in a game you cannot possibly comprehend."]

all three of these scenes have some serious cinematic parallels, especially mk's and macaque's. so heres an edit bc it was and is stuck in my mind

409 notes • Posted 2021-08-11 21:20:14 GMT

#3

reminder that ranboo said he as a content creator has gotten way too attached to michael to cause him any harm!! ranboo will not be creating michael angst!!! please remember this!!!

{ID: Screenshot from @RanbooQuoteBook on twitter which reads "The thing is though, I don't want anything to happen to Michael because me as a person am emotionally attached to Michael, so I cannot [bring] myself to write [something] angsty about it." The thread continues below in all caps stating: "But you guys sure can! Jesus christ! I see so much art on my Twitter! Let my family be happy, jesus!" /End ID}

601 notes • Posted 2021-03-23 23:54:22 GMT

#2

THE FUCK IS THIS ERET????

HOW IS DREAM SUPPOSED TO PAY SHIT WHEN HES IN PRISON, GOOD SIR

A WITHER?????? SIR

1103 notes • Posted 2021-02-22 00:59:07 GMT

#1

posting this as a like. reminder because i've seen some people in the tag being really fuckin weird about tommy and lowkey overstepping his boundaries

See the full post

1666 notes • Posted 2021-04-05 23:46:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[ocheeva]

interview tag uwu

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

tagged by @queensbrother even though it’s been A DECADE cass how can u possibly need to get to know me better ily

- nickname: no people just. use my name. except @mishikaiya sometimes. her latest for me is chickadee which is literally the cutest but will it ever be a thing outside the bird trio? doubtful.

- pronouns: she/her

- star sign: probably yeah

- height: 167 cm. i don’t do american numbers.

- time currently: 23:49

- when is your birthday: at some point during the year. this is hidden lore only my mum knows bc she was there (presumably)

- favorite bands/groups: see this is why i’m the worst at this kind of thing because there are always these questions and i. don’t do music. generally. like i have made spotify playlists and shit i just sit down to listen to music approximately three times a year so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- favorite solo artists: well...

- song stuck in your head: this is getting awkward

- last movie watched: wait hold on i need to cry for a second over cass’ last movie being fatal journey... god that fucked me up. nie brothers my beloved. anyway it was I Am Mother. it was okay.

- last show you binged: new girl for the third? fourth? time. i live alone and don’t really have conversations at my job so i keep sitcoms on in the background so i get to hear human voices! yes i’m very emotionally stable how did you know. last show i binged and actually paid attention to was word of honor.

- when you created your blog: this one? 2013. my first one was made in 2009

- last thing you googled: something about han dynasty art because fic research lmao  

- other blogs:  i only actively maintain @qinghe-s atm but i also have @masseffectcaps and a few other fandom sideblogs like @celestecraft which used to be hot shit on mineblr. others are only shared with people i love.

- why you chose your url: the first time i played the elder scrolls iv: oblivion i fell in love w ocheeva SO FAST and she’s still my favourite. i don’t have an argonian kink but if i did it would be because of her. she's sweet and caring AND she’s a skilled assassin?? get you a girl who can do both, damn

- do you get asks: no bc the messaging system exists. my fandom blogs get them on occasion although people favour the messaging system there too

- how many people are you following: 257

- how many followers do you have: like a thousand. my most popular blog has 10k which is insane quite frankly. 

- average hours of sleep: i legitimately do not have an average, it’s either like four or at least twelve

- lucky number: not... really. i like multiples of five bc i have ocd and other numbers are generally uncomfortable. i don’t mind seven fsr (but only as a singular digit. idk, my brain does Not make sense)

- instruments: i played the flute as a kid but i assure you i am the least musical person you’ve ever met

- what I’m currently wearing: black leggings, black top, black sweater. my socks are pink though! fashun

- dream job: i simply do not dream of labour. i enjoy teaching to an extent and working for bethesda would be sick i guess but

- dream trip: svalbard. i’ve wanted to visit china for years (i had a layover at a chinese airport when i went to visit cass in straya and part of me was like YES finally! but it was also miserable bc worst flight of my liiiiife god). legitimate actual dream trip though? a couple of weeks alone in venice. i’ve been once but it was a school trip when i studied architecture in high school (like you do in waldorf schools! pretentious as hell) so my classmates ruined the vibe. i snuck away a lot and made my teacher angry when no one knew where i was but it was worth it. i constantly think about going back and spending hours in the narrow alleys and beautiful churches and sitting outside palazzo ducale and being moved to literal tears over the architecture. ugh.

- favorite food: lamb steak w garlic cloves... also cheese. all the cheese. any kind of cheese.

- favorite song: i thought we went over this

- top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: okay first of all animal crossing OBVIOUSLY. gotta marry tom nook. second... god. star trek because while i will absolutely shit-talk starfleet any day of the week the star trek universe is superior to any other because it has JANEWAY. and also space. and alien ladies. but mainly janeway. i would put so much effort into joining starfleet and being good at my job so i could maybe serve on the same ship as her and make quiet heart eyes if we crossed each other in the corridors. EDIT: lol i got so wrapped up in star trek i forgot about a third huh! obviously i’d want to live in dream valley with the little ponies. the original ponies. i’d hang out with wind whistler and tell her i love her all the time, especially when she uses words the other ponies don’t understand. autistic queen, love of my life, etc. bonus fourth: mass effect. space. biotics! possibly a buff asari girlfriend... or the krogan romance bioware continues to deny me

TAGGING: jesus. okay you know what. i’m picking five people who show up in my notes fairly regularly because we should be friends. so: @filantestar @sidhe-solais @briars-glenn @sarahstreep7 @roddaprime ♡

[boomerang109]

♧ i want one 😡

send me a ♧

of course!!

You’re my: bestie, co-podcaster, most-consistently-talked-to-friend

How I met you: the zuko jesus/judas post (i don’t know what was happening tbh, and SOMEONE deleted it so....)

Why I follow you: other than the obvious, i appreciate that you clearly cúrrate your material. whenever i check in on your blog there’s only a few new posts, you put up a few quality posts instead of spam reblogging (i’m a spam reblogger tho so, no shade towards the many people i follow who do that)

Your blog is: relatable—full of great quotes and hard hitting posts, amazing queer stuff, bullying hella, and high quality fandom posts. also i love when you post about your life, it’s always great to hear about (yes even when it’s a complaint/rant, i enjoy knowing how you’re doing

Your URL is: funny. peak creativity. also we match (our names and then a number) which is cute

Your icon is: you!!! i literally smile everytime i see your icon. not even because i was there (and viiiiibing very much) when you drew it, but also just cause it’s so pretty and i love the bi pride and the fact that it’s YOU

A random fact I know about you: you have a rainbow shoebox in your closet and have been almost kidnapped multiple times

General opinion: i literally want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you because i literally see so so many people loving you because you’re so freaking amazing, but you can’t see it. which is insane. please, read this with your little voice that negates all my compliments turned OFF. read this with a voice that believes what it reads, or at the very least reads it neutrally. cause i promise i won’t write anything that isn’t true. you’re so resilient and strong (and if you can’t at least admit that, after all you’ve survived, than your mean inner voice has not turned off as requested). you are kind and patient (you’ve literally listened to me complain so often, you give amazing advice, and put up with how terrible i am at communicating). you’re beautiful (you literally are. your hair is gorgeous, you look so pretty without makeup and yet you’re so good at it and so you elevate your looks so much? and you’re so fashionable!!). you’re so fucking intelligent. and i know you don’t believe that but my reasoning is too important to even go into parentheses. first of all, if you weren’t book smart, that’d be okay cause you’re CLEARLY life, people, etc (aka the important types) smart. but you literally ARE traditionally intelligent too. abby, i literally spend my ENTIRE day working on schoolwork and i still don’t comprehend most of it. and you are able to spend just a few hours and still pass classes. do you understand how incredible that is?? i know you don’t, cause you’re always thinking you’re dumb when you’re literally not. (not to mention the fact that your brain literally makes it hard to study or sit in class or do homework, so even if you had a normal amount of time it would STILL be harder for you than it is for most people). you being in a shitty situation where you can’t dedicate the amount of time you want to to school work, doesn’t mean you’re not intelligent. the fact you’re still in school despite working essentially a full time job AND taking care of multiple children AND running a podcast AND continuing to talk to friends?? like, you don’t seem to realize how fucking spectacular that is but it really really truly is. because not only are you doing more than any one person should have to, but you’re doing each of those things so so well. literally, this is already so long and i didn’t even talk about how important you’ve been in my life or how much i love talking with you or so many other things you deserve to hear, but i’m trying to go to bed before midnight tonight so i’m gonna cut myself off. but please, abby, please do whatever you can to be neutral to yourself. i know being nice to yourself is probably too much to ask, but i just don’t like hearing you say so many terrible things about someone i love so so much. so everytime you start to think one of those self-deprecating thoughts, imagine a little boom with their water pistol going “NO ABBY’S AMAZING” cause i really hope one day you can see how incredible you really are

A random thought I have: grace and clara if you see this, i probably won’t be answering your asks yet cause i have some other things i want to do before bed. but no one is being ignored, im just bad at answering asks. (also Clara i think im ignoring yoy on multiple platforms, that’s just me being terrible at communicating. one of them was literally just me going ‘oh I’ll answer that in one second’ and now it’s been 48 hours so like. whoops. you’re probably not surprised but i do still feel bad cause i appreciate our friendship and ignoring people, intentionally or not, doesn’t exactly help portray that very much)

[xxx-mundiemudsnapper-xxx]

@toonfinch replied:

bro im curious....im not into toon related fandoms, just the style, but 👀

christ yeah i mostly remember toontown offline drama but a more recent happening is that toontown rewritten got a bunch of high quality never before seen toontown online concept art and a bunch of people were SUPER mad that they were the only people who were allowed to have it

which like, yeah it sucks they wont reveal it but disney/whoever gave the art to them might have made them sign an nda or something

there was also the corporate clash drama about not crediting their artists at all and stealing work from texture pack artists

here’s where it gets kinda wack. off the handle. diving into fucking hellworld mode so ill put it under a readmore

i forget which private server it was, but it got banned from the toontown subreddit for one of their mods being ratted out for allowing underage drinking????? i dont have the whole story but it centered around that...

then in ttoff/dessert storm the staff there is like, nazis/transphobes. i do not say that as hyperbole one of them LITERALLY was a nazi bootlicker. he always complained about not having a gf too, like, what did you expect....

i could write a college length essay of all the insane shit i’ve seen cause there was also some toonblr who was like.... not subtle about being a babyfur iirc? it was a while back and i dont know if thats exactly the proper term but jesus SHIT dude. i STILL see their art on my dash sometimes like bro. get your ugly ass out of here.

also funny enough there was a shitty person with a really similar url to when this blog used to be a vp rp blog (yeah.....) and people thought i was her so i had to add “-feathers” onto the url....

good times /s

[genderfluidkevinday]

genderfluid kevin day headcanons bc i can do what i want and also i have the perfect url to spread my “please representation” propaganda. 

“how did you know?”

because in the quiet of nights when kevin is supposed to be asleep but he cant, not really, when his heart is still pounding from practice and every breath riko makes him terrified of being caught, he reads what he stole from the public library and it says sometimes people do not fit into the gender they were assigned and

because by sneaking searches on the internet when he can, kevin finds words. dangerous, un-raven-like words for how to love someone and how to be yourself. he finds words that mean you are not alone. 

because he wakes up one day and demands to be the queen of exy, to be seen as what he is. the best. more powerful than the king. (not entirely cisgender?)

because it feels right. 

because in the quiet between exy and family, kevin day has the time and the love to have the quiet understanding that this is who kevin day is. 

it’s kinda a shitty realization process to go through- kevin starts questioning in the ravens, then immediately goes “No TM !” and internalizes all those feelings 

kevin internalizes All the feelings, always ! compartmentalizing!

bisexuality? put it in a box!

gender identity? put it in a box!

feeling crushing inferiority? put it in a box!

mom died tragically? put it in a box!

ur dad isnt here? put it-

jesus fuck these headcanons were supposed to be happy and it got SO derailed 2 points in

anyways 

post canon, kevin starts to become more comfortable w every aspect of himself, and finally takes the time to have a gender crisis

and then, immediately, decides it was all ridiculous and he was actually a cisgender all along !

he does the dumb thing i did. which is spend about a month going “lmao i’m cis but i wish i wasn’t, i don’t need a gender!” while badly ignoring his gender crisis

it’s renee who finally helps kevin out a little

kevin, dumbass: pfft, gender is stupid, but i’m cis so whatever! renee, nb lesbian icon: are you sure? kevin, having a crisis:

renee actually sends kevin a bunch of links to pages that have lots of words, and “what gender are you” quizes, and dumb memes about being trans/nonbinary and it shouldn’t help as much as it does. 

renee is the first person kevin quietly texts at like, 2 am, and goes, “uh, can you use they, i think?”

her response is, obviously, “of course!”

so they’re like, pretty sure they’re not cis, but they bounce around labels for about a week before they end up settling on genderfluid. 

sometimes kevin day is a boy, with loud opinions and soft hands. sometimes kevin day is a girl, with messy hair and a bright smile. sometimes kevin day is neither, with clumsy limbs and determined eyes

(however- kevin day can always outclass any striker on a court.) 

it just feels right, in a way nothing else did. 

theyre like,,, super nervous about coming out, like, they can’t even come up with the courage to tell their dad they’re bi, how the fuck are they gonna end up telling anyone else? solution! don’t.

except kevin is becoming more comfortable with every aspect of themself, and being casually bisexual around the foxes (nicky makes one too many jokes about kevin’s “”hetero guy crush”” on jeremy and they end up snapping “bitch i’m bi there’s nothing hetero about it.” and nicky is immediately like !!!!!!!!!!!!!) (but thats another post)

so kevin, with the growing comfort that yes, you can be non-heterosexual and non-cisgender and still be fucking amazing at exy, they start to come out

it’s a slow process because when they tried to do it all at once, they got tongue tied and just walked away without saying anything. so they end up doing it individually. 

allison first (because renee can be there and give support AND bc allison is also A Trans), and kevin whispers, “so, I’m genderfluid.”

allison, casually: what are your pronouns? kevin: she/her. i’m a girl today. allison, with all the softness of someone who has been there: do you want me to do your makeup? kevin, with all the softness of someone who’s new to this: maybe one day.

after allison is andrew+neil, because they spend so much time together at night practice it’s inevitable it comes up

and by that i mean kevin screams halfway through night practice “THIS IS GENDERFLUIDPHOBIA” because andrew keeps blocking her shots. 

andrew flips her off.

neil asks if thats an actual term.

kevin says to fuck off and keep practicing.

next is wymack. 

oh boy. 

so kevin isn’t even sure how to be a good son- she has no idea how to go about being a good daughter. she has no clue how to be a good child. 

she doesn’t know if wymack even wants that.

but she goes to him after practice and he snaps, “what is it?” in a voice thats maybe a little less gruff than usual

and she says, “i’m genderfluid.”

he stares at her for a while.

she continues, “i’m a girl today, actually, and i just thought you should know.”

wymack asks, “you’ll tell me when it changes, right?”

kevin nods and leaves. 

its a start.

telling jean feels like a really big deal, but in hindsight its about fifteen minutes of bad puns that follow an awkwardly worded coming out. 

kevin: so like... guys right jean: yes? kevin: what if... i wasn’t one jean: are you trying to come out to me? kevin: is it working?

the rest of the monsters follows after that- aaron obviously doesnt understand, but he doesnt say anything rude. (he looks into it later). nicky, immediately, takes a supportive role.

nicky: I’M GONNA STAPLE A GENDERFLUID FLAG TO MY FACE THATS HOW MUCH I SUPPORT YOU kevin, softly: please don’t how would you play exy.

matt and dan get a less official coming out, because kevin isn’t sure how to be friends with them at all. but they manage a “so, i’m not a guy, actually, i’m genderfluid, and right now i don’t have a gender.”

dan gives them a set of pronoun bracelets for their birthday and matt gives them a book about the history of the nonbinary community and yeah, maybe this is how to be friends.

the baby foxes don’t get to find out. kevin doesn’t trust them as much, and isn’t ready to be... out out. 

kevin has absolutely no desire to change their name, at all.

kevin: why would i change my name i’m an ICON.

WAIT i lied,,, they change their middle name to kayleigh. 

the first time kevin gets invited to a girls night, she cries

its a surprise, which is hard to plan- girls nights are always on tuesdays, so they have to wait for a tuesday where kevin is free and feels like a girl

renee casually mentions that they have a history book that kevin might like, so she should come pick it up

and then in the dorm, dan and allison are setting up a movie and popcorn and renee is getting her nails painted. dan waves kevin over and tells her to pick a movie, allison tells her to pick out a nail polish, and renee actually does have a history book for her.

kevin finally accepts a make over from allison. 

she cries like five times that night and tries to brush it off as nothing but... kevin can finally exist in a space, and feel welcome, and also feel... wanted.

it’s a good feeling

kevin, wearing a crop top with the genderfluid flag on it, painting renee’s nails as they watch the trojans game: lmao can you imagine thinking i was cis? what was i thinking? i was so dumb lol.  renee, sweetly: no it was a perfectly normal reaction to being raised in a cisnormative society, and i’m very proud of you for figuring out that it wasn’t right for you kevin: dammit renee why do you have to be so kind and supportive just let me make jokes about my moron-ness in PEACE 

kevin day is the fucking QUEEN of exy !!!!!!! she’s better than you and you know it. 

each and every day kevin day hears misogonistic comments towards female exy players and each and every day kevin day wants to scream B I T C H in their face

he wanted to do this even before he figured out he was genderfluid bc kevin day drank respect women juice before realizing he was also drinking sometimes i am women juice

kevin actually 100% hates dresses a lot bc they can never find any that are a good texture and its Sensory Hell, and also you cant play exy in them?? what the fuck??? 

they end up liking crop tops and short shorts, and a few kinds of makeup, but skirts and dresses are dumb and itchy actually 

kevin goes on an impassioned rant about this at LEAST once a month

you know that really good feeling when you wake up one day and you realize you’re happier knowing who you are and maybe it’s rough and maybe it’s not perfect but you get to know who you are and your friends respect and love you for who you are and you start to realize you love knowing you too????????

yeah.

kevin day is genderfluid and this is my hill to die on thank you and good night

[clickabletale]

Guess who’s back? Back again-

I thought I was done with this but alas I found out @wolfwarrior142 who apparently unhid her profile after mines came back and got some anon hate over this. 

I hadn’t touched her Tumblr after my reblog since I did mine’s publicly on my blog which I thought was enough to illustrate how bizarre her response was and after her posts disappeared, and I thought that was that so there was no need to talk about the matter. 

Until now where I checked her account from my reblog and saw it was up to see this new text post. The reblog feature was disabled so I will have to reenact it here. 

I only ask, whoever is sending her messages, please stop. That doesn’t solve anything and from how insane her posts and logic are, it’s not worth the issue and it isn’t your place to tangled with it. 

This will be (hopefully) my last message. I say hopefully since I don’t know what will happen after so I keep in mind what could change if something new comes out. 

The post went like this

Anonymous asked:

don’t you feel stupid now for attacking someone over their opinion publicly, now you’re gonna hide? hypocrisy, hypocrisy~

wolfwarrior: I’m assuming you’re the dumb bitch who made that post (or their friend). Just gonna say that you shouldn’t post your dumbass ship hate in the ship tag. For one, it wasn’t even valid hate. You made it sound like you never watched the fuckin show. Also, just to make things clear, I’m not mad that plance didn’t become canon. I was sad, but I figured, oh well. It ain’t my show, it’s not the end of the world, they’re just fictional characters, and there’s no point in getting worked up over it. And then this dumb bitch drops by, tags the goddamn ship tag (even tho its common knowledge for anyone with a brain to be a decent fucking person and not do that, regardless of whether or not they like the ship), and makes a dumbass post while whining that oh boo hoo, poor me, I’m gonna get attacked. Yes you will, you dumbass, because you’re being a moron and an asshole for no reason while literally begging to get shit on. I know you probably get your rocks off to people calling out the dumb shit that you do, but I still wanted to call you out for being antagonistic. Legit, tagging any tags for a ship and then shitting on the ship opens you up to being shit on for needlessly being a bitch, and we have all the right to for you coming into the tag and acting that way. And you or someone else said in another anon message that I’m being “toxic,” but nah, I’m not. I’m just calling you out for being an antagonistic asshole who has no regards for decent tagging, and then I left. I said what I wanted to say, and then I left. I could have picked apart your post, because you made piss-poor “points,” but that was pointless because I knew you wouldn’t have cared if a plance fan had debated with you. I at least wanted to point out your poor decision to tag the goddamn ship names, you dumb fuck. Sorry that I didn’t roll over to you being an asshole and be nice. I’m not gonna do that, and I shouldn’t have to when you were being an antagonistic bitch while crying that “I’m afraid of getting attacked for this.” And I wasn’t attacking you, or at least not extremely. I’m just calling you out for making dumbass choices, and you didn’t like that. Oops, not fucking sorry. Also, I love how you say I’m being a hypocrite for “running.” I blocked you and that other fuck because I didn’t want anymore comments from you popping up in my notes. I said what I wanted to say and was done, because if I hadn’t I knew it was gonna further the argument. Also cuz I was about to go into class for 4 hours and didn’t want to be distracted by your dumbasses. But no matter what, at least I had the decency to actually say my opinions in public where my name was visible. I wasn’t afraid of doing that, cuz I meant what I said and wanted to be publicly honest. Apparently you can’t tho, and neither can the person who sent that other message if it wasn’t you, cuz both are anonymous. You’re too much of a little bitch to show your actual name or use an alternate account to send a message, so you send it anonymously instead. Its never looks good for you when you send anon hate. I try my best to never send anon messages unless it’s not antagonistic, because if I’m gonna say it, I need to make sure I’m confident enough to say it with my url showing. Otherwise, I’m just being immature by sending anonymous hate. But obviously you don’t care about being an immature little bitch who is too much of a wimp to send hate directly to someone with your name showing. That let’s me to know that I’m not the immature one here. Also, if you decide to continue to be immature and send anon hate, I’m not gonna respond further. This is the last response you’ll get from me, because antagonistic babies like you aren’t worth more of my time. Have fun hiding behind disguises and crying about being shit on even tho you 100% asked for it.

First off:  I’m assuming you’re the dumb bitch who made that post (or their friend). Just gonna say that you shouldn’t post your dumbass ship hate in the ship tag. For one, it wasn’t even valid hate. You made it sound like you never watched the fuckin show.

So just gonna say, I didn’t send these. When you went dark, I left it at my reblog. Simple as that. I also don’t know a “friend” you’re talking about. I talked about this to my mutuals but I didn’t see them involved in this at all after the topic went dead. The only one I know who was involved with the post was princessbuttershitz I think? (I can’t with the name, I’m sorry XD) I had not known this user until I saw they joined in and reblogged my post on some stuff I hadn’t talked about, but for transparency that is it. They don’t follow me from what I can see or talked to me further than that so it’s just whatever. 

And second, how was my post ship hate? Flat out tell me? Did I call Pidge a horrible person for Lance? No. Did I demonize the age gap? No. Where did you see hate in that post when all I talked about was doubting Plance being canon, talked about the “development” in comparison to Lance’s romance with Allura and rivalry to friendship with Keith? Please tell me with highlights, I’d like to know.

You also say you don’t care Plance wasn’t canon (good for you, I hope you still enjoy it regardless.) and that it wasn’t something to get worked up over. I completely agree, however, if you did believe that why did you bother to respond so hostile like you did? That doesn’t sound right, you said you shouldn’t get worked up over those things right? Especially my post was only a few sentences talking about doubting Plance was going to be endgame, not as the ship as a whole. (Catch me repeating that here.)

Also I have seen the show since 2017-2018. I got into it and it got me through a hard time, I was there for a lot of the seasons. You can see it on my archive. So a big statement you make there. 

Moving on-

“And then this dumb bitch drops by, tags the goddamn ship tag (even tho its common knowledge for anyone with a brain to be a decent fucking person and not do that, regardless of whether or not they like the ship), and makes a dumbass post while whining that oh boo hoo, poor me, I’m gonna get attacked. Yes you will, you dumbass, because you’re being a moron and an asshole for no reason while literally begging to get shit on. I know you probably get your rocks off to people calling out the dumb shit that you do, but I still wanted to call you out for being antagonistic.”

Guys. I implore you to read my first post. It is the lightest thing I have made. I made it to just be upfront about my opinions in a respectful manner in words than how many other fans would recycle argument to make the ship or characters look bad. 

Also with the parentheses, what if it was a Plance shipper who actively made content whether it be theories/fanfics/art/etc. and made my post, you would attack them the same? I sure fucking hope not. Jesus.

I didn’t want that to happen since I genuinely wanted to treat it like a discussion instead of another poorly made ship insult like people on Twitter did back then. I could’ve gone harder and made it pettier than I did but that would delegitimize my argument.

Once again, besides your tag claim, how was I antagonistic in my post? It’s on you to prove it since you’re making the claim. Shouldn’t be hard to prove if you insist it this much. 

My blog is open for people to see and the only person who has made this an issue is you, no one else in the notes. Only person who I can think of is Swindle94 but they were at least more mature than you.

Legit, tagging any tags for a ship and then shitting on the ship opens you up to being shit on for needlessly being a bitch, and we have all the right to for you coming into the tag and acting that way. And you or someone else said in another anon message that I’m being “toxic,” but nah, I’m not. I’m just calling you out for being an antagonistic asshole who has no regards for decent tagging, and then I left.

Once again focusing on the tags. Okay, upfront. So? If I was attacking Plancers with that tag on, that would be valid. All I did was say “hey plance being canon? i disagree, here’s why.”

I’m sorry but if a few sentence post gets you riled up like that, I don’t believe you don’t care. You obviously do. Especially when you replied publicly to this anon. That is your fault.

Also, yes, you are being toxic for responding like this. I had no insults to the Plance community or the ship in my first post. You charged head-on with no regard and decided to belittle me instead of either ignoring or talking it out like the others. Which is a toxic mindset, using insults to defend your fictional couple. So don’t try to have both, it’s not gonna work.

I could have picked apart your post, because you made piss-poor “points,” but that was pointless because I knew you wouldn’t have cared if a plance fan had debated with you.

Link to my replies to two others who reblogged my post: https://clickabletale.tumblr.com/post/190254499687/swindle94-thats-not-what-i-meant-i-shouldve

https://clickabletale.tumblr.com/post/190254645477/i-shouldve-used-another-word-for-it-while-they

Honestly, if you did pick apart my points instead that would be fine and I welcome it. Would’ve been better than your first response. I’m just gonna say you aren’t going to because you know you can’t.

I at least wanted to point out your poor decision to tag the goddamn ship names, you dumb fuck. Sorry that I didn’t roll over to you being an asshole and be nice. I’m not gonna do that, and I shouldn’t have to when you were being an antagonistic bitch while crying that “I’m afraid of getting attacked for this.” And I wasn’t attacking you, or at least not extremely. I’m just calling you out for making dumbass choices, and you didn’t like that. Oops, not fucking sorry. Also, I love how you say I’m being a hypocrite for “running.” I blocked you and that other fuck because I didn’t want anymore comments from you popping up in my notes. I said what I wanted to say and was done, because if I hadn’t I knew it was gonna further the argument.

Once again, to anyone who wants the original post it is here: https://clickabletale.tumblr.com/post/190247521977/i-remember-i-was-scared-to-say-this-back-when-the

If I’m being antagonizing in my words, let me know where please and thank you. 

And you only worded your post in an attacking manner (you did, throwing insults fast. Don’t tip toe around it, you fired at the most minial shit.)

Also not sure about the running comment? I don’t recall calling you a hypocrite on that, I don’t know what you mean by that.

Also cuz I was about to go into class for 4 hours and didn’t want to be distracted by your dumbasses. But no matter what, at least I had the decency to actually say my opinions in public where my name was visible. I wasn’t afraid of doing that, cuz I meant what I said and wanted to be publicly honest. Apparently you can’t tho, and neither can the person who sent that other message if it wasn’t you, cuz both are anonymous.

I did, my original post. I did so in a way that explained my thoughts in a non-insulting manner. 

You just came in unloaded and wrong, you should just step back to think before replying so people will actually listen and reason with you and no think you are insane.

At least your honest I guess? But that kind of backfired if you hid your profile after. My post is still up, with your words for anyone who wants to see it. Even linking right here. 

And once again, I don’t care to message you since you did block me and dipped. I left it at my reblog with responding to you and talked about the isssue on how dumb it was to get angry over since the only one who seems to be this angry over it, is you.

I don’t want anyone coming for you, and I will say again if anyone intends to: don’t. That doesn’t solve anything so don’t come to belittle her. 

You’re too much of a little bitch to show your actual name or use an alternate account to send a message, so you send it anonymously instead. Its never looks good for you when you send anon hate. I try my best to never send anon messages unless it’s not antagonistic, because if I’m gonna say it, I need to make sure I’m confident enough to say it with my url showing. Otherwise, I’m just being immature by sending anonymous hate. But obviously you don’t care about being an immature little bitch who is too much of a wimp to send hate directly to someone with your name showing. That let’s me to know that I’m not the immature one here. Also, if you decide to continue to be immature and send anon hate, I’m not gonna respond further. This is the last response you’ll get from me, because antagonistic babies like you aren’t worth more of my time. Have fun hiding behind disguises and crying about being shit on even tho you 100% asked for it.

Once again, wolfwarrior142. I don’t care to see you or send things like this. I don’t advocate those messages or hate to you, I want it to stop if it keeps happening but you don’t have a smoking gun in this. 

You obviously have some issues and you aren’t arguing them rationally, and you are advocating for attacks over the smallest shit being a tag about disagreeing two fictional characters were gonna bone. How do you justify something so ridiculous? 

So no matter how much you try to say you’re not a toxic fan if you go out to insult people over their opinion or the tags or whatever when it’s not inciting hate against the ship or you don’t bother to show how it’s hate or debate it.

That is toxic. You can’t spin it around. 

So that is it. I hope this is the last. I’m still in disbelief at how insanely she reacts and justifies her behavior. This is not okay, nothing about her response is okay. It’s a shitty thing to do and I hope you don’t do this to anyone else, that’s all I gotta say.

[lechevaliermalfet]

West Across the Sand: A Look Back at Kazan

When I first got into anime and manga, I was in my mid-teens, and it was the mid- to late 90s.  And at least in my part of the world, it was a little like joining a secret society.  You practically had to already know someone on The Inside, and it was like getting initiated.  Whoever had been into it longer than you would want to show you the classics of the era: Ranma ½, Tenchi Muyo! (Which one?  All of them), Akira, Vampire Hunter D, or any number of choice others.  Soundtracks (if you were into that sort of thing) were hard to come by, and most of the ones I found locally came courtesy of either Son May or EverAnime – companies I later found out were Taiwanese bootleggers.  You could tell the discs were bootlegs because the prices were reasonable.

In those days, getting fansubs meant sending blank VHS tapes to total strangers you’d found online, and waiting weeks (or longer) to get them back with anime on them, and everybody had the Anime Web Turnpike bookmarked.  There’s still a website at its URL, though Wikipedia states it���s been offline as of 2014.  

If you want to know where anime got its reputation for violence and sex, this particular era is where you want to look.  The market for anime was small in those days, and the licensors and distributors really had no idea how to expand it.  So a lot of them (in particular Streamline, Urban Visions, and U.S. Manga Corps; now all defunct) catered to the exploitation-flick market – the gore-hounds and the porn junkies, and the people we would have called edgelords if the term had been invented yet.

This was a time when you could use the word “Japanimation” utterly without irony, and there was a good chance that nobody hearing it would cringe.

Manga, meanwhile, was a total wilderness.  You couldn’t find it in bookstores back then.  That you can today is thanks to Tokyopop.  Whatever their numerous and varied sins, they can claim to have done that bit of good, at least.  And Amazon and Ebay were somewhere off over the horizon.  So you had to go to your local comic book shop, and then you had to look around for yourself, because chances were that even the people who worked there didn’t know what in the hell you were talking about.

Most of the manga that was available came through Viz and Dark Horse (and maybe other avenues I’ve forgotten).  But mostly Viz.  Dark Horse got their hands on some great stuff (Ghost in the Shell and Blade of the Immortal, just to name two), but Viz got more stuff, and a wider variety of it.

At the tail-end of the 90s, there was the beginning of an anime boom that lasted until about the mid-aughts.  I was at one of Crispin Freeman’s Q&A panels at Anime Central a couple of years ago, and he likened it to a tide rolling in about every decade. The tide comes in, hits a high-water mark, and recedes.  Then it comes in again, a little higher this time, and recedes.  In the late 90s, the tide came in and largely stayed in.

A large part of this, I think, was Toonami, which took a crowbar (part Dragon Ball Z and part Gundam Wing at the start, followed by others later) to the whole situation and forced the door wide open.  A lot of what they showed was very commercial and fairly “safe” (or at least, could be made safe), but it accomplished what Astro Boy and Speed Racer and Starblazers and Robotech before had never managed, which was to make anime into a minor phenomenon.

In the wake of that sudden explosion, there were a ton of smaller and less established entities who got into the business.  More of these, so far as I can remember, went into manga rather than anime (though there were a few new anime companies, like SynchPoint).  It was probably cheaper than trying to get in on the anime side of things.  Suddenly, we had Tokyopop (first under their Mixx Manga label, then later their own name), and DrMaster, and ComicsOne (whose publications were later taken over by DrMaster when ComicsOne vanished into the ether in 2005; DrMaster would follow suit themselves, just four years later), and Yen Press, and Studio Ironcat, and Seven Seas…  Even reputable publishers like Del Rey got in on the act after a while.

It was an exciting time to be a fan, to have so many new avenues available through which to explore the hobby, each trying to find new and exciting material in order to carve out their own niche.  Today, a lot of these publishers don’t exist.  The market was growing, but didn’t ultimately grow enough to allow room for them all.  

A certain part of me actually misses the bad old days.  Like any rational person, I’m happy that one of my major interests is now at least sort of mainstream, easy to access, and at least somewhat cheaper (nowadays, companies like Aniplex only want an arm and a leg for a boxed set of Kara no Kyoukai; back in the day, they’d have demanded your firstborn).  If nothing else, the release schedules are infinitely better.  But there was something about being a fan back then that made me feel like I was a part of something, some group, some tribe.  There was a feeling of having some hidden, secret knowledge, of knowing a whole language of fandom that other people didn’t understand, of having a line on something other people didn’t know about and didn’t get.

Really, though, I think what I miss most is the newness of my hobby.  I miss it being strange and wonderful and full mostly of unknowns, of things yet to be seen and experienced.  I miss knowing that twenty years ago, if I’d come across a copy of Beast King GoLion in a vendor’s stall, I would have lost my damn mind.  Now, I just go “Huh. Neat,” and put it on my Amazon wishlist.

A few months ago, I was going through my old manga, and came across the three volumes of Kazan I owned, out of a seven-volume run.  They were some of the first manga I’d bought in what was, at the time, the newer (smaller) size format that’s now standard for manga. Mirror-imaging, or “flopping” the artwork was still common at the time, although that practice was on its way out.  If there’s one other thing we can all thank Tokyopop for, it’s normalizing the right-to-left format for manga in the U.S.

Kazan was written and drawn by Gaku Miyao, who was probably most famous for his character design work on the Devil Hunter Yohko OVA from the mid-90s.  It was published in the U.S. by ComicsOne from 2001 to 2005.  It’s out of print now, and it was never enough of a thing that anybody else cared to pick up the license after they vanished into the ether.

It doesn’t shock me that ComicsOne went under, really.  They didn’t only release total unknowns, mind.  They got Onegai Teacher and Onegai Twins.  There was also Tsukihime: Lunar Legend (though that franchise has played second fiddle to its younger sibling Fate for a long while now).  On the other hand, they also published Jesus, and the prophet from Nazareth has never really been what you’d call a favorite character in the anime fandom.  Then as now, almost nobody in the fandom stans Christ.  Except maybe Vic Mignogna, and, well...

I remember it being new and exciting when I was reading it.  Now, looking back, it’s very much a relic of its times.  Given that ComicsOne began U.S. publication of it in 2001, I’m guessing the manga was probably published in the mid- to late 90s in Japan.  The artwork is a lot closer in style to what you’d see back then, as well as the character tropes and archetypes.  

I’d always meant to pick up the remaining volumes – certainly I’d liked what I’d read – but I’d fallen behind on collecting them as they came out, and they were hard to find later on.  Kazan was never a major item on anybody’s radar.  It’s so minor that even danbooru has no images of it.  At least, none tagged.  Fucking danbooru.

My curiosity about the later events of the series had been going strong for close to two decades, so I finally broke down and bought the remaining volumes in an Ebay auction… and then didn’t read them, I guess because now that I had them, I could take my time.

I finally got around to re-reading the series just recently, and it’s been an interesting slice of nostalgia.

Kazan is a desert-punk story named after its protagonist.  Kazan looks about eight years old, is actually closer to eighteen, and is about ten-thousand percent done with everyone’s shit.  “Surly” doesn’t quite do it justice.  He’s searching for his childhood friend, a girl named Elsie.  

Back when he actually was eight years old, he was approached by a water demon who told him that his father Sheeroc had, in desperation at the prospect of dying alone in the desert, sold Kazan for just a cup of water.  Sheeroc, leader of the nomad clan known as the Red Sand, was at that time questing about for a way to give his people a more grounded way of life.  However, instead of Kazan, the water demon decided to kidnap his childhood friend Elsie, for reasons that go unexplained for most of the story.  The demon also decided to wreck Kazan’s entire village just for good measure, and Kazan winds up the only survivor that he knows of.

Since that moment, he has not physically aged a day.  The reason for this is also left unexplained for most of the manga’s run.  

Suffice it to say that some of his surliness comes from having to constantly prove to people that, despite all appearances, he really is not a child.  A lot of the rest of it comes from the whole “being sold to a water demon” thing.

His only traveling companion in the beginning is a giant white eagle with a red crest, named Kamushin.  The eagle is so large and strong (or Kazan is so small), that he can actually carry Kazan at least for brief periods.  Kamushin seems to be sentient at times, and whether he is or not, he tends to be the most level-headed one in the room.

Aside from the eagle, Kazan’s most easily distinguishable features are his shounen-hero hair, his tall red hat, and his knife, which he wields and throws with frightening accuracy.

It’s not long at all before he gains two additional companions on his journey.  One is Fawna, a young girl capable of manifesting water at will.  This power is a double-edged sword in a desert environment.  It’s helpful while traveling, but the things people might do to have control of her power – and of course, by extension, Fawna herself – mean she has to use the power sparingly.  She and Kazan initially come to blows once her ability is revealed, or rather, Kazan comes to blows.  Fawna comes to bewilderment and confusion in the face of Kazan’s accusations that she must be the water demon who stole Elsie years ago.  Why would she have the same power, otherwise? Eventually, though, he calms down.  As he (and we) get to know Fawna, the idea of her kidnapping anybody seems laughable.

Fawna is making her way west across the desert to a country called Goldene.  She has been summoned there, as Water People (this is the manga’s translation, and we’ll come to that in a bit) frequently are, as they are necessary for the control and upkeep of Goldene’s water supply.  She’s around seventeen, and spends most of the story unaware of Kazan’s actual age.  She seems to not really take his claims of adulthood very seriously.  In fairness, “My name’s Kazan.  I’m not a kid,” – practically his catchphrase, and usually a good sign that someone has a beating on the way – is pretty much exactly what you’d expect a kid to say.

With Fawna having the same water powers as the entity that kidnapped Elsie, and Goldene seemingly a place where people of that sort are gathered, Kazan decides that his quest is pointing him in that direction.  Despite some misgivings, he decides to accompany her.  Luckily, the two of them happen across another companion, an old woman named Arbey who has a talent for making explosives.  She claims to know the way there, having been a citizen of the country herself at some point in her past.

So they go.

Along the way, they are beset by monsters and difficult situations with other travelers, as well as occasional tussles with Messengers, fierce and deadly agents of Goldene out kill Fawna (their reasons are initially unclear) and capture Kamushin, who turns out to be the White Eagle of Goldene, making him an item of high significance.

Part of what initially caught my attention about Kazan was that it reminded me in a vague way of Eden’s Bowy.  This was a show I’d first seen fansubbed at AnimeIowa in 2000.  If you want another really good example of just how different things were back then, there it is: Conventions would show fansubs, because the industry had virtually no presence at any of them except maybe the absolute biggest, so they could get away with it.  I was nursing a minor obsession with Eden’s Bowy at the time.  The three or four episodes I’d seen at the convention had grabbed my attention for reasons I’m not entirely sure I understand. ��Part of it was the creeping doubt over whether the show would ever get picked up for U.S. release (it did, in fact), and I figured I was unlikely ever to see it again.  So anything that put me in mind of it got my attention.

As it happens, the similarities between Kazan and Eden’s Bowy run no deeper than the surface. There are the common elements of a boy in (mostly) white crossing the desert with a mystically empowered young girl and an older adult as companions, and in both stories, they’re seeking out a city that in some fashion lords it over the rest of the setting.  Beyond that, they couldn’t be more different.  For starters, Yorn, the hero of Eden’s Bowy, is kind of the quintessential Idiot Hero of shounen manga and anime: naïve, trusting, and ultimately kind of helpless on his own.  Kazan, meanwhile, is intelligent, self-reliant, and aggressively independent.  Cynical and deeply distrustful, he resists all attempts at friendship or other emotional connection with other characters, and the vulnerability that goes with it.

Kazan isn’t the most likeable character, but his attitude at least makes sense, given his background.  He’s a very (understandably) angry young man trapped in a child’s body, and a lot of his problems come about as a result of his hardening himself against a world that seems destined by turns to betray him and refuse to take him seriously.  When we see him in flashbacks, he’s a sweet kid.  A bit of a crybaby, even.  

Still, in the present of the story, he can sometimes be an unlikeable little shit. His early relationship with Fawna is rocky, and gets violent once or twice throughout the story, which makes me cringe a lot more in 2019 than it did in 2001 or 2002.  In the interests of fairness, I should point out that he gets violent with quite a number of people, and all for the same reason as Fawna, which is that he feels what they are doing is either very wrong or dangerously stupid, or else he sees them as enemies.  He’s an equal-opportunity asshole, I guess.  So I want to say there’s nothing inherently sexist going on there.  Still, it’s not a good look, and please understand I’m not justifying it by any means.  But I do want to lend context.  

The story does wring a lot of natural tension out of the relationship between Kazan and Fawna as natural foils to each other.  Where Kazan trusts nobody and prefers to operate alone, Fawna is naïve and occasionally trusting of the wrong sorts, which gets her into trouble more than once.  And she has a tendency, early on, to lash out with her power in anger or to harm others.  This is sometimes for self-defense, but sometimes also motivated by anger.  Kazan is – oddly, given that he’s otherwise the one more comfortable with the occasional necessity of violence – adamant that she not do this.  Memorably, one of the times he’s violent with her is to stop her from doing something of that sort.  

The manga doesn’t ever really spell out Kazan’s hangup about Fawna misusing her water powers, but I have a guess.  I imagine that it has a lot to do with his initial association of Fawna’s water power with the water demon that kidnapped Elsie ten years prior.  He has a strong (but never quite articulated) belief that in a desert world, anyone with the power to create water – in practical terms, the power to support and sustain life – should not use that power for evil ends.  Fawna using her power only for good helps to mark a clear distinction between her innate goodness and the wickedness of the water demon.

Kazan himself, perhaps surprisingly given his anger and foul attitude for much of the story, tends to pull his punches.  He’s not above beating his attackers silly and occasionally dishing out pain to those he feels are deserving.  But he goes out of his way to spare people on a number of occasions, and when someone sharpens his knife to such an edge that it can cut stones, he actually requests that it be dulled again so that he doesn’t kill someone by mistake.

Refreshingly, there’s no will-they-won’t-they pseudo-romance between Kazan and Fawna.  I don’t object to a romance angle in a story in principle, but it often gets teased in a story like this, where the two leads are each other’s foils and love interests both, and it’s just done to death.  It tends to get shoehorned in because the creators of these stories (perhaps egged on by their publishers) feel that it’s necessary.  Broadening the demographics, maybe?  But there’s a sort of obligatory feeling to it a lot of the time, as if it’s clearly being done because, well, that’s just what we do with stories like this, right?  It gets to the point where you wonder why anyone bothers teasing it.  We all know from long experience how things are going to end up.  But Kazan is clearly fixed on Elsie and Elsie alone.  He and Fawna are simply friends and partners who, by the end of the story, understand each other, and work together, very well.

Another thing that’s nice about Kazan is the refreshing absence of much cheesecake fanservice.  A few characters are dressed in provocative outfits here and there, but even when that’s the case, the “camera” doesn’t really leer like you might expect.  There are one or two moments that had me sighing and shaking my head – a couple instances of the sadly typical Faux Sexual Assault As Comedy – but at this point I like to think I’m an old vet when it comes to this. It’s disappointing, but it’s the kind of thing you learn to resign yourself to if you’re going read much manga or watch much anime at all.

The final chapters of Kazan rely on a lot of last-minute revelations to explain everything.  It’s not really a matter of deus ex machina exactly so much as it is a matter of insufficient foreshadowing.  It would go down a little easier if some of these ideas had been set up maybe a little earlier in the story.  But it’s hard to complain too much.  Even as it clanks a bit toward the end, it never quite feels like the creator is pulling it out of his ass.  The ideas are sound; it’s their tardiness that’s the problem.  But even if it stumbles a little toward the finish line, Kazan’s ending is ultimately satisfying, and earned.  The last few panels are pretty much perfect, and exactly what I spent most of the manga’s run hoping for.  And of course, there’s still the entire rest of the manga before it, which is certainly worth the read.

If there’s one place where Kazan actually falls flat, it’s the translation. And that, at least, you can’t blame on the original creator.  

You could most charitably describe ComicsOne’s English translation of Kazan as workmanlike.  It’s not really a machine translation, but it does seem at times to veer awfully close to that territory.  It’s there, and things basically make sense; that’s about the best you can say for it.  Ultimately, though, it’s just lacking something.  There are places all over Kazan’s seven-volume run where the phrasing seems bland or off, where it lacks real punch and personality, and where it seems just plain awkward and stilted. There are times when it seems like the characters lack a distinct voice.  Spelling is also inconsistent.  The name of Kazan’s father is spelled Sheeroc in the earlier volumes, but Shiroc in later ones. And there are placement issues as well, where sometimes lines that are clearly meant to be spoken by one character are lumped in with the dialogue in another character’s word balloon.  Overall, the translation is some real amateur-hour work.  This seems to be a trait of ComicsOne; the one volume of the Tsukihime manga I own has some of these same issues.

But this isn’t a problem I can really hold against the manga, since it’s a problem that (to the best of my knowledge) wouldn’t really have existed in the Japanese version.  And it’s hard to fault the original creator for how translators handled his work after the fact.

There’s not much like Kazan out there that I’ve seen.  I don’t have a lot of recommendations in the vein of “If you like X, Y, or Z, then try Kazan.”

Part of the reason I enjoyed Kazan as much as I did is nostalgia.  Not for the story itself, but for the times it puts me in mind of.  The kind of story it tells; the specific way it handles its characters, and manifests their archetypes and tropes; the way it’s drawn; all of it is intensely reminiscent of its time.  There is a certain Look or Aesthetic I’m fond of in anime, and it tends a little toward the particular stylization and combination of traits that was very stereotypical at the time I was getting into it.  But even as that’s a stereotype, there’s something about it that I actually find visually appealing.  I suppose it goes back to my nostalgia.  When this was a new hobby for me, that look was practically shorthand for everything anime stood for.

More than that, it’s a time capsule, a snapshot of how things looked when I was first getting into my hobby.  I’ll probably never again have that feeling of things yet to be seen and done, mysteries yet to be uncovered and explored, at least not with this particular hobby.  But reading something like Kazan, I’m reminded of those times with great intensity.

There’s also the setting.  I have a soft spot for huge, wasteland vistas.  As much as I can recognize that, say, The Weathering Continent is not really a good movie, I still find myself drawn to its world.  This extends into video games as well.  One of the things I loved most about Shadow of the Colossus (either version) was simply wandering its world.  Something about characters surviving in such a hostile, sometimes even decaying environment just grabs my imagination and runs with it.  But I’m picky about these kinds of stories, too.  I prefer my environments and my characters to look and sound and act a certain way.

Despite the inescapable influence of personal appeal, though, I still honestly think Kazan holds up, and is very much worth a read.  It’s not going to be the easiest thing to find, but on the flipside, Kazan was a manga published by a company that never really achieved notability and stayed in business for a grand total of maybe six years at most.  So while the supply has never been very great, neither has the demand.  The prices haven’t gotten exorbitant, and I don’t see that changing in the near future.  

In all, it’s worth the effort to track down if you can.

[batboys-and-other-messes]

Elevator (Tim Drake X Fem!Reader)

Requested: NO A/N:  This was supposed to be short and sweet and then I lost control …. I had a conversation with @sassyshoulderangel319 (I can already type that url out by heart) about this post and which one I would choose and then somehow this formed in my heart and jesus, it was such a good idea. I put it under a Read More because it's ridiculously long and seriously… But I hope you guys like it!! Word count: 6256 (YES You read correctly. I lost control) Warning(s):  Claustrophobia Tagged: @icequeen206 @crescent-bluemoon @nanna-the-batmum @xoleaox @sleep-depiravation [You wanna be tagged in my next piece? Just shoot me a message or ask!]

Your feet dragged across the floor as you walked towards the elevator. 

Today was one of these days again. The kind that never ended and just seemed to drag on to eternity.

Your Head was pounding, your eyes were tired and your legs felt like someone had filled them with metal and put a magnet underneath the whole floor.

The building was already empty, which wasn’t a surprise at that time. It was already well past midnight and even the cleaning staff had been there and left again. You were alone, walking down the hallway.

Well, technically ‘alone’ except the one old guy who was lying there on his desk. You weren’t even sure if he was still alive but from what you heard through the gossip of the others, he just went through a nasty divorce and practically lived at his desk.

Poor Robert.

Well, at least he had a desk.

You knew you shouldn’t complain. You got a summer job at Wayne Enterprises. It was an opportunity some of your classmates would kill for, but there was always a catch with these kinds of things. What you didn’t expect when you signed all these confidentiality agreements was that your supervisor would be a lazy asshole that made you do all kinds of things you shouldn’t have to do.

But you had no say in the matter. Absolutely none.

So you sucked it up and got shit done.

And now that you had carried all these binders to the upper floor it was time to go down, get a taxi and sleep through tomorrow, your day off.

Almost lifelessly you pressed the elevator button, feeling like your finger might break from that little action.

Even the buttons up here were posh. The only thing missing was diamond-encrusting them. Maybe the Top floor had butlers that pushed the buttons for them?

You smiled at your own stupid joke, glad that nobody saw you. The doors opened and you stepped in. You pressed the last button and took out your phone. You haven’t had time to glance even once at it and were surprised to find 9 missed calls and about three dozen different messaged on it.

You were popular?

You expression fell when you saw that all of them were from your best friend.

The elevator moved but instead of going down it started to rise and you groaned internally. Someone from the higher-ups was still in the building, at this time?

You focused back on your phone. You phone signaled that it was very low on battery but you just clicked it away before you opened the newest messages and started to read them.

BITCH did you die or did you forget how to use your damn phone?? ANSWER ME Or do you think you are better than me now that you have a JOB and a PURPOSE in life? smh Hello??? You need to humble yourself Anyways, I have good news I’m gonna assume you asked ‘Oh Jenny, what good news?’   I found your lonely ass a boyfriend. I know, I know, thank me later Or thank me now Well, its actually gonna be a double date And I kinda already promised you’ll come I swear he’s cute Kinda Mine is They are brothers But he also has a sister, if you’re not in the mood for a guy? Don’t think I haven’t noticed your gay tendencies towards batgirl ANYWAYS Sorry to break your coming out? Or is it rather a Passing BI? haha Yeah okay, that was a bad one That’s what you get for ignoring me Bitch

You closed your eyes as you heard the elevator ding, and the doors open. You were too tired for this shit. Way too tired for any of this.

Also, who wasn’t gay for Batgirl?

That was normal, right?

You started typing out your reply, too focused not to use too many curses and to keep her family out of it, to even notice the stranger that entered.

A moment passed and suddenly everything happened at once. You hit send, then the elevator shook, it stopped with a BANG, your phone died and the lights went out.

It all happened in the blink of an eye and for a moment you thought you had died.

And suddenly, your realized your situation.

‘I am stuck in an elevator’, was the only thing you could think of.

The person next to you sighed deeply and you let out a scream and jumped to the nearest wall.

‘WE are stuck in an elevator’

Fuck.

You took in a shaky breath as you felt cold and hot at the same time. Your sleepiness was gone, being replaced by a thousand pictures of crashing elevators and that one weird X-Factor Episode where (supposedly) death himself was in one and you only heard the screams of these people and you really didn’t want to die in an elevator with a stranger. You had so many things you still wanted to do! Hell, you haven’t even paid your student loan yet! 

Though this thought calmed you a little bit.

Fuck capitalism.

“Hey” A male voice spoke up somewhere from the left. “Are you okay?” he asked and you gulped.

Okay, (Y/N), don’t show him that you’re having a panic attack.

“No.” you answered truthfully.

Yeah okay, that didn’t go as planned.

Maybe it was the adrenalin or the utter terror in your bones,  but you weren’t really able to lie right now.

“It’s gonna be okay. We’ll just have to find the emergency-button.” He said and he sounded young. Something about his voice and the way he said it made you feel calmer but the fact that you were locked in here with a stranger unnerved you.

You nodded, realizing that he couldn’t see you, you added a quick “Okay.”

You moved towards where you remembered the buttons to be and suddenly you felt a hand and you yelped.

His hands were cold.

“Oh sorry.” He apologized and you heard him press a button, once.

You two waited and he pressed it again.

After pressing it about fifteen times nothing happened.

The darkness was getting to you and your hands started to sweat as you cursed yourself for not taking the elevator with the glass walls and the freaking panorama view. At least the moon would’ve provided some light but no, you were lazy and took the first one you saw.

“Weird.” The guy said and you didn’t answer. But it seemed like he was more talking to himself. “Usually the emergency generator should’ve turned on by now. And if that one failed the backup should’ve been enough to at least power the elevators.”

Maybe he was just thinking out loud but every single word filled you with a deeper sense of dread. 

Was it common knowledge how many emergency-generators this damn building had? What did this mean? Where you going to die in here?

You heard some rustling and then a sigh.

“My phones dead.” He said and you couldn’t for the life of you figure out if he was talking to you or if he just really enjoyed his own voice.

Either way, every statement that left his mouth wasn’t good.

“I guess we have to wait.” He said and you nodded again which, of course, he couldn’t see.

“Okay” you managed to say meekly.

A silence settled between the two of you and it wasn’t one of the good kind. It was rather the “My crush just saw me scratch my ass and pick my nose while farting” kind of silence that made one want to fling oneself out of the nearest window and into certain death.

It was very awkward silence.

You heard the guy clear his throat. “Uhm… Hello.”

Oh shit, he wanted to converse.

You started to hyperventilate for the fifth time in the span of a second before you almost slapped yourself.

Get your shit together, (Y/N). It’s a conversation. You can do this. Remember? You had plenty of conversations in your life!

But how should you answer? ‘Hello’ would sound too stiff. ‘Hi’ would sound like you were best friends and you didn’t even know this guy. But going back to Hello would signal to him that you wanted to talk which you actually didn’t. Meaning you wanted to have a conversation with him because it seemed to calm you down but you didn't want to be trapped in the social construct of a conversation and then accidentally make it really awkward and end up trapped in a long awkward silence knowing that he would judge you for the whole time you two were trapped in there. You really didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of someone who might be the last person to see you alive.

“Okay, I guess you don’t want to talk.” He said slowly and he sounded so unnervingly calm.

“Yes. I mean No. I mean No I- I mean I don’t want to talk. I mean I don't want not to talk- Ugh. I WANT to talk but I tried to negate it twice and it came out sounding like I didn’t want to talk when in fact I do.” You said and you mentally slapped yourself for that.

Great thinking, (Y/N). No more freestyle-conversation for you until you learn how to act like a person, you moron.

Suddenly you heard him chuckle at that before he started to laugh as quietly as he could. It seemed very sincere and gave you the more reason to slam your head against the wall. But you didn’t.

“Don’t worry, I get it.” he said and you wondered if he was lying.

“What’s your name?” he asked and you blurted out “Nineteen.”

A second passed.

“Your name is Nineteen?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

“No. I-I am nineteen years old. My name is (Y/N). I don’t know why but I thought you asked for my age because everyone here asks for my age first since this is actually just a summer job, you know and yeah.” you said. 

You didn’t know why you were still alive right now.

“Oh, cool. You got a summer job here?” He continued as if he still thought you were a sane person and you were very grateful for that.

“Y-Yeah. There was this representative at my college and I won the contest for a ‘summer job’. Depending on how I do, I might even get a permanent job offer for when I’m done with college.” You said. 

Your feet were hurting you and as if he could hear your thoughts you heard him sit down on the dirty elevator-floor before you could even ask yourself if it was okay for you to do so.

“Oh yeah, I heard of that. Congratulations, by the way.” His voice came from his sitting position. There was a smile in his voice and a sincerity you haven’t heard in a long time from someone else.

“Thank you.” You said, mimicking him and sitting down too. Your foot bumped against his when you tried to stretch your legs so you immediately pulled them back and just crossed your legs.

“What’s your name?” you asked, seemingly way calmer than before.

There was a moment of hesitation before he answered.

“Tim.” He said and you silently nodded.

“Hi, Tim.” You said and he let out a short chuckle.

“Hi (Y/N).”

“Do you think we are going to die here?” you asked.

“Okay, that escalated quickly.” He mumbled more to himself before you heard him continue.

“No. This building is very safe. The only thing worrying me is why our phones didn’t work. Mine is always charged and the backup generators should work anyways unless someone turned them off on purpose.”

You knew his words were supposed to be aimed at you but somewhere in the middle of it, he seemed to be talking to himself again. You still continued to listen.

“Well, my phone was low on battery anyway.” You said and he stopped at that for a moment.

“Mine was fully charged.” He said.

A pause.

“When did it turn off?” he asked and something in his voice made you answer it immediately.

“The same second the lights went out.” you said and even you realized how weird that sounded. There was still a little bit of battery left, a text message couldn’t possibly drain that much energy at once.

He was quiet for some time.

“What... does that mean?” you asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know yet, but it's not a good sign.” He said before he quickly added. “I still think we are safe here. Its probably a robbery of some kind and the energy will be back as soon as they are done.” He assured you and you didn’t believe a word he said.

“Bullshit.” You said forcefully in his direction.

“If what you just implied was true and someone messed with the energy enough to turn both our phones off at the top of the building then that’s definitely not a normal robbery. It's probably something bigger. Like super-villain big. So stop lying to me.”

You let your words hang in the air between the two of you and you just wished you could see his expression right now.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said after a while and you were surprised that he didn’t try to lie his way out of this.

“I didn’t want to worry you because you already seemed pretty freaked out.” He explained and you could understand that.

“Fair point.” You said and you both fell into your own thoughts again as the silence started.

“Hey, Tim?” You spoke after a while, which felt like an eternity. “Is Tim short for something? Like Timothy? Or Timotheus? Or is it just Tim?” you asked, hoping he wouldn’t ask why you would voice such a stupid question.

“Timothy.” He said and you could swear could hear him laugh but he didn’t make a sound. “But I prefer Tim.”

“Oh, so Timothy, like the Wayne one.” You said. “Or was it Drake-Wayne? Was it just Drake? Like the rapper? Shoot, Maybe I should know this since I'm working here. I hope they don’t quiz me on this or else it would really be embarrassing. I don’t even know how many children Mr. Wayne has. Is there like a chart or something?? They don’t quiz the employees here, do they?” you talked yourself into panic again.

“No. They definitely don’t.” he stated calmly and you were sure he was making fun of you.

“I mean they shouldn’t… It’s a weird thing to ask someone. And if someone does, just shoot a random number and make something up. That's what I like to do, anyway.” He said and you nodded, making a mental note of that.

“Right.” You said.

“You get anxious really easily.” Tim broke the silence absentmindedly.

“Yeah, It’s the Anxiety.” You shot back and it made him laugh again.

“Yeah, I figured. It was like my second guess.” He said and you smiled.

“Second? What was your first guess then?”

“The first was that you’re secretly the criminal responsible for this. Maybe your escape plan had failed and now that you’re trapped here with a civilian your cover is about to be blown.” 

You would lie if you said you wouldn’t like to hear the rest of this story.

“Wow.” You said. “That’s… very specific…. Su- Suspiciously specific.” You said, letting that sink in.

“Are you trying to tell me something with this, Timothy?” Was that even his real name?

“No.” The pause before he spoke was way too long for your comfort.

Way too long.

“And please call me Tim.”

“I’m curious now. Was there like… a third theory you had?” you licked your dry lips in nervousness.

“Yeah. That you’re nervous because of me.”

“Well, I certainly am now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really. You could be a murderer for all I know. I mean you are so calm while we're stuck here, that kinda screams psychopath. And your name is Timothy. I dunno, there are a lot of red flags here.” You rambled on, not even sure yourself if you’re joking or not. But you mostly were.

“Hey, whats wrong with Timo-“

Suddenly you felt the elevator drop an inch and you almost pissed yourself.

Then the lights flickered and there was suddenly light illuminating the elevator.

“Oh, the lights are back on.” He said, looking up before he stood up again, pressing the emergency button. There was a voice that came from the speakers above and you registered him saying something but you didn’t really catch what he was saying as you just kept staring at him like a deer caught in headlights.

It was him.

Timothy Drake-Wayne.

FUCK.

It was him all along.

What the fuck did you say to him?

You were sure you insulted him at least three times in the span of this conversation and he didn’t even say a word! And looking at him now he sure looked a lot more handsome than he did in the papers and he was your boss in some kind of way, no, he was the boss of your bosses boss and you just called him a murderer and you would probably be kicked out the next thing right now and you wouldn’t even mind because why the fuck did you have to run your mouth like this?!?

“This might take a while. So, where were we?” he asked, letting himself slide down before glancing at you again.

“Right. I was possibly a psychopath.”

“I am so so so sorry.” Your face exploded in all shades of red as you pressed your lips together, avoiding his eyes at all cost.

“What for?” he chuckled with a lopsided smile. “I mean the name thing was kinda rude and I honestly want to know whats wrong with my name but you were just being honest.” He shrugged and you kind of wished the elevator would plunge to you to death. “Not many people here tell me that to my face.”

“Yeah, but it was only because I couldn’t see your face!”

“Why? Whats wrong with my face now?”

“Nothing! Its ridiculously stunning and it belongs to the guy owning this damn elevator.” You almost cursed.

“Bruce Wayne owns it.” He corrected you and he seemed surprised by your choice of words. “... and thanks?”

“You’re his son.” You retorted.

“Adoptive son.”

“Same thing.”

At that he paused, looking at the corner of the elevator. “No. Not according to some people.”

You stopped mid-thought.

“Oh.” You said, not knowing what else to say. 

But you had already shot yourself in the leg once, so why not reload?

“But why should it matter what other people think? It’s not their decision to make how you feel towards someone. Or what your relationship with them is.” You looked at your hands, fumbling with your fingers as you felt his eyes on you.

“Sometimes… biological parents… aren’t good.” you added.

Your heart was beating and you knew he was watching you but he didn’t say a word. He just listened to you, waiting for you to speak out what you were thinking. What you were implying.

You weren’t sure if you could.

“Are yours?” he asked and it felt like a little nudge. Soft but present. Like a calm hand on your shoulder, encouraging you to make the step.

What was it with him? How could he make you feel so calm with just his voice? With just his presence?  With this look in his eyes that you didn’t even have to see.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m eighteen..” You said. “It shouldn’t matter”

“Maybe it shouldn’t,” he said. His knees were up and his arms rested on them, crossed. He didn’t look like the co-owner of a company. He just looked like a guy with a lot on his mind. And lusciously messy hair. “But it does.”

Suddenly you heard a sound and both of you looked at your phones.

“My phone is on again... And its fully charged?” you said in confusion before he confirmed that his was too.

You both started to type away as you opened your friend's Messages.

Did you die again? HELLOOOOOOO?? You can’t insult my eyebrows and then JUST LEAVE ?!?!? What the fuck is wrong with you?? You know how insecure I am about this

There was a string of other nonsensical messages but you decided to reply immediately before the power went out again.

Stuck in an elevator. Power and phone went off. Just turned on again Still stuck And your eyebrows are shit

You smiled as you saw the bubble pop up, indicating that she was typing.

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU? Second of all Are you okay? Did you call for help? Are you alone? Should I call and keep you company?

You quickly glanced over at Tim, as he seemed to be texting someone too, a slight frown on his face before you looked back at your phone.

Nope, not alone

A pause.

And who’s there with you??

You typed.

Theres a guy with me

Old or cute?

Second  And why are these the only two options?

You only realized how true this was when you typed it out. You were definitely attracted to him. Of course, you couldn’t fall for a cute barista or someone else. No, It had to be untouchable people like Batgirl and Bruce Wayne’s freaking son.

At least you weren’t aiming low.

What kind of cute?

Tim Drake

Since when is that a measurement in your book? I mean I won’t complain. He’s cute?

No It’s him.

???

The guy. In the Elevator. With me. Is him.

There was a long pause in which she didn’t even type and you were afraid that she had placed her phone down before you saw the bubble pop up.

Use protection.

You closed your eyes in resignation.

I’m going to slap you

Well, whats the problem?

I insulted him... I think?

Of course you did

I mean it

Thats the problem

Are you going to help me or be useless?

I dunno… My eyebrows are still hurt

JENNIFER

Whoa we’re busting ot the full names now? Heavy.

I’m not good at this?

Good at what?

Talking

I know

Jen...

Seriously, what are you trying to do? Apologize? What am I supposed to help you here with?? Give a girl something to work with!

You thought about your reply for a moment before typing it up.

Flirt?

You died just typing that up.

“I got some good and some bad news,” Tim said.

His voice ripped you out of your thought and you almost dropped the phone in a panic, afraid that he could read what you had just written. You placed it display-down on your lap, blushing.

“W-what?” you asked as you looked at him.

“Well, the good news is that there was a power outage and in the whole city. Something like a force-field-thing but we don’t know more.”

You blinked.

“Why is that good news?” you asked, confused.

“It means nobody targeted this building specifically. We are safe. Locked up but safe.”

Somehow, that made sense. But only in Gotham.

“And the bad news?” you asked.

“There is a lot happening right now and we might be stuck in here for a while because there are other emergencies that happened.” he explained carefully and you nodded.

That meant you would spend some time with him in here.

You glanced at your phone to see what your friend had answered.

Show him your tits

You blocked her.

“You look angry.” You noted, lying on the floor with his jacket underneath your head. He had insisted you take it and you learned how stubborn he could be.

“’M not.” He said absentmindedly while frowning at his phone.

“You sure do.” You said. He probably wasn’t even listening to you.

“Nope.” He said casually.

“Yupp.”

“No.”

“Ye-hes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Stop it.”

“Nope.”

This was fun.

“Who are you texting?” you asked, bored out of your mind. It looked like he was doing something very important and you asked yourself if he was a workaholic. Or maybe he just enjoyed someone else's company more than yours?

Were you that boring?

“My brother.” He said, glancing over at you for a moment with a quick smile and suddenly you felt reassured again.

Damn, he was good.

“Hm.” You just said, not knowing how to answer to that.

“Why did you stop texting?” he asked, still typing away and you turned your head to him.

“What do you mean?” you asked confused.

“When your phone worked again you were texting with someone. And then you stopped.” he stated curiously and you realized that it was a main trait of his. Curiosity.

“My best friend.” You said, circling your finger over your phone that was laying on your stomach.

“But she’s being obnoxious again.” You finished drawing your circles and started drawing them in the other direction.

“How come?”

It was such a simple question but he seemed genuinely interested. At the same time, he wasn’t even looking at you and was typing on his screen. You didn’t know what to make of it.

Talk about mixed signals.

“She’s trying to set me up on blind dates and … she really doesn’t have the slightest clue what my type is.”

You paused a moment and he looked at you, fully.

“Jesus, that sounded stuck-up.” You realized horrified. “W-what I meant is that I don’t even know if I have a type myself and I didn’t mean it in a physical appearance-wise way but its just really uncomfortable when you sit with someone and try to talk to him and its just obvious they are here to hook up with your friend and not interested to talk to you, at all. You know?” You said, squinting up at the ceiling of the elevator, wondering why you just told him that. Why should he care?

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation.

You would probably regret this a lot tomorrow.

“Why... don’t you just tell her no?”

It sounded so simple when he said it.

Because she always agrees first and then it’s my fault when I cancel.

Because she is a little bit manipulative like that sometimes.

Because she keeps playing the victim whenever I do.

There where so many replies you could’ve given him but you didn’t. Instead, you sighed.

“Because I’m a pushover.” you said, and it rang true to you.

“You don’ sound like one.” He said, unsure of how to word it. “Or at least you don’t seem like one.”

“Thanks, guy who knows me for like two hours. At least that means I can fake dominance?”

He clicked his tongue.

“Yeah, ‘dominance’ is maybe a bit far-fetched,” he mumbled.

“Oh, shut up, Timothy.”

“I would really appreciate it f you would stop calling me that.”

“Why? What's wrong with Timothy?”

  “Maybe we should start recording diary entries to keep track of the days that had passed? In case someone finds us too late?”

You had taken off your shoes and his head rested on your bag. He had rolled up his sleeves and his tie was gone and it was seriously dangerous for you to look at him right now.

Somehow being stuck with him for 4 hours fo far made him seem so much more human than you would’ve ever imagined. This wasn’t the rich business-boy you heard of. This was fidgety, curious and sassy Tim. The elevator Tim.

“Jokes on you, I already made seven entries so far. Currently on entry eight, pondering about the symbolism of the elevator.” His Phone was gone and he was staring at the blinking lights with you. Occasionally closing his eyes as he seemed to be just as tired as you were.

In a normal setting you would’ve never been caught dead in such a position but somehow you stopped caring around the first hour that had passed. Social construct couldn’t harm you here anymore. It was a surreal plane of existence.

“Maybe the lights are the light that leads us to the afterlife?” you theorized and you saw him grin at that.

“And the buttons symbolize the levels of hell?” he added

“Heaven and hell.” You corrected.

“We’re somewhere on the top floor. What does that mean?”

You thought about it.

“That Satan and God are fighting for custody and god is winning?” you improvised on the spot.

He let out a laugh.

“Great. I’m gonna get adopted again.”

At that, you burst out laughing.

  “Why do you carry so many chocolate-bars in your bag? Did you raid a vending machine or something?” Tim looked at you, deeply concentrated as he took a bite from one of them.

“Pff, Because I always am prepared for being stranded on a deserted island like in Cast Away, duh.” You said, mockingly.

“And chocolate bars would be your number one priority in such a case?” he raised an eyebrow, crunching at the chocolate-chip one.

“What would be yours, Mr. Know-it-all?” you asked

“Water. Water and shelter, obviously.”

“Yeah, but I can’t exactly carry around a freaking tent with me everywhere.” You chuckled.

“Pff you could. With the right amount of dedication.” He smiled.

“People would think I’m paranoid.”

“A small price for survival, (Y/N).”

“Guess I’ll just die then?” you shrugged.

“Yeah …. Please don’t.”

He smiled weakly but there was something in his voice you couldn’t decipher.

  “Oh, that’s easy.” Tim said, eyes determined.

“I would kill Robin, Marry Nightwing and fuck Red Robin.” He said and you chuckled at the speed of which he answered that question.

“What did Robin ever do to you?”

“Do I have to answer this?” he asked dramatically.

“No, but why marry Nightwing? I want to know your thoughts behind it.”

“He seems like someone you could trust?” he motioned the usual ‘I don’t know’ motion and you accepted it.

“I’m not gonna question the Red Robin part.” You assured him and it seemed to pique his interest.

“Why not? Is it like….. a common thing to want?” he sounded almost worried and definitely confused.

“Well not that I know... but he seems like a loveable dork.” You chuckled. “He saved me once.”

“He… did?” He asked.

“Yeah. I almost walked into traffic once while I was distracted, long story, and he just pulled me back while swinging by and yelled ‘PAY ATTENTION’ and then he slammed against a building.” You laughed softly at the memory. “I felt so guilty for it but he was already gone before I could apologize.”

Tim went silent after that.

“If we ever get out of here, I want to eat a triple cheeseburger. Not the tiny ones. I’m talking about the ones that are as big as my face. The ones you could feed a small family with for three days, you know?”

You were hungry. 

There was more hunger than a few chocolate bars and some bubblegum could satisfy. Maybe it was also just the fantasy of being free and sitting in a fast food joint and stuffing your face that intensified that wish.

You wanted out of there and the need to get up and run was getting stronger and stronger with every passing minute. But at the same time, you wanted to stay and keep talking with him.

He gave you a kind of attention you’ve been desperately waiting and searching for and a part of you felt guilty that maybe he was forced to do so since he had nowhere else to go right now. But it felt so natural and sincere whenever he did that you wished it would never end.

When you didn’t get a response from him you turned your head, only to see him staring back at you. He immediately looked away.

“Y-yeah, me too.” He quickly said and you asked yourself what that look just now was supposed to mean.

  You opened your eyes, blinking at the bright light in the room.

Where were you?

Oh right, you were still trapped.

And you had fallen asleep.

Fuck.

You looked over at Tim, who was sitting up again.

You blushed deeply in embarrassment before you sat up too.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Tim looked at you again with a smile.

“Yeah … Uhm… How long was I gone?” you asked, hesitantly and you watched him look at his phone.

“About an hour.”

Your heart dropped.

“Oh. Thanks.” You couldn’t even believe you had the nerve to fall asleep in a situation like this but you were apparently tired enough to do so.

“What did I miss?” you asked and you definitely noticed how he hesitated and avoided your eyes.

“Your friend called.” He said. “And …. She sounded angry.”

Your heart dropped.

“You picked up??” you asked in disbelieve. What did she say to him?? Oh Dear Lord, please let her have shut her big mouth just once for this time, PLEASE.

“I- I really didn’t mean to pick up! But she called seven times and your phone wasn’t muted and when I wanted to mute it I saw her text of how worried she was and…” he trailed off and it was almost a little bit comforting to see him talk in a frenzy instead of you.

“What did she say?” you asked, having your mental fingers crossed and hoping for the best.

“Nothing much. She kept yelling and when I finally got a word in she hung up.” he said and you never felt more relieved than before.

 “Are you shitting me? That’s what he did??” you couldn’t contain yourself in laughter as you heard the story he had just told you. It made you feel a dozen times better about the ones you had told him before.

“Yeah. Bruce banned spoons after that. Except for the kitchen and dining room, of course.”

You laughed at that, even letting out a snort as you couldn’t contain it.

“No wonder he always looks so tired in all the pictures.” You chuckled.

“Besides that, I still can’t believe you have a dining room. One that you actually use.” You added.

Tim looked away and you had learned in the short time here with him that it meant he wasn’t quite comfortable with that topic.

“Yeah, comes with the job I guess?”

“How often do you guys just … you know, play hide and seek? Or Tag? Do you ever feel tempted?”

Tim chuckled.

“We did, once. We aren’t allowed to do that anymore. We lost Damian for two days and didn’t tell Bruce...” he trailed off.

You laughed again and you didn’t notice how much he seemed to enjoy that sound.

“I don't even want to know how you guys did that.” You said, grinning at the hilarity of it all.

“I’m not even sure I’m allowed to tell you, anyway.” He replied. You glanced over at him, opening your mouth to say something when you both heard a voice from outside. 

You both looked at the door from where the sound came.

It was the rescue workers. And suddenly a timer started to run down in your head that you didn’t know you would start to detest.

It was only a matter of time till this would end.

The men outside started the whole ‘Are you safe’ spiel and you heard Tim answer some of the questions. The only thing you could focus on was what the man had said.

“You’ll be out in 15 to 20 minutes.”

15 to 20 minutes.

That was by far not enough time.

Was it selfish of you to want to sit here with him and keep talking? Listening to his past shenanigans and the way he laughed when you told him yours? The way his brows creased when he was thinking or the completely surprised expression of his when you delivered a good comeback to his sassy remarks?

You probably shouldn’t feel this way anyways.

Wasn’t he technically your boss?

Even though he had told you that he really didn’t like it when you talk to him like he was this big shot, it still didn't change the fact that he was.

Or maybe it was your way of pushing him away? Your way of justifying why he would never be interested in you in this way.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Tim looked down at you and you honestly didn't know how to answer that. You sat up, hearing the workers trying to open the doors as you glanced at the jacket your head was lying on a second ago.

“This is going to sound stupid…” you said, already throwing the idea out of the window until you saw his face. It was concerned, almost worried and a little bit curious.

“Try me.” He said, encouragingly.

“I’m .. gonna miss this.” You said eyes averted to your shoes. The courage he had given you was gone and you wished you could take all that back.

“Being locked in?” he asked and you looked up at him, ready to tell him how stupid that question just was when you saw his smile. He understood.

You two shared a look.

“You know..” he started after a moment. “There is this place, a few blocks from here, that has really good burgers… At least I heard so.”

You chuckled.

“Oh, really? Even cheeseburgers?”

“Yupp. The big ones.”

“Sounds tempting.”

A heartbeat passed.

“Would you want to go with me?”

You thought about it.

“Like as newly formed friends or as a date?”

“Definitely a date.” he paused. “O-only if you want to.”

You could barely contain your smile as you heard the door crack open.

“I would love to.”

[heckin-good-holland-blog]

Opposites Attract

A new series folks!!! Finally, I’ll work hard to keep this updated :)

Warnings: Some violence, language

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Genre: ??? We’ll see what happens

Word Count: 1.6k

Feel free to send me opinions, feedback, and criticism!! I plan to add quite a few more parts so if you want to be added to the tag list (or if you changed your url) let me know and I will absolutely add you!

Masterlist + Part II !!

You weren’t evil. Despite how your actions may have seemed, you truly were a genuinely nice and caring person. You often wished that things had been different, that you had gotten more of a choice in the matter, but when it came down to it you knew what had to be done. Your parents both passed away in a car accident when you were 16 and it left you utterly alone. You didn’t have any other living relatives that could be contacted, which caused you to be sent into the foster care system. You hated every second of it, especially since switching between families made you feel like an unwanted pet. Eventually it became too much for you, so you decided to run away to live on your own. You didn’t exactly know how to fend for yourself right away, but you learned quickly. Living on the streets taught you the other side of life that you had never been exposed to, and you became aware that sticking to your morals wouldn’t keep you alive. The life of crime kind of fell into your lap. You weren’t comfortable with it at first, but soon found yourself with enough money to buy your own apartment and to buy groceries. You couldn’t give that up, especially considering your situation.

That’s how you ended up where you were that night. You stood atop a large building, using your binoculars to watch for your latest target. Michelle Jones was the daughter of two very wealthy individuals and you planned to take her back to your apartment, offer her some snacks, and wait for the ransom money to pour in. Then you’d let her go safely. You didn’t want any trouble since you had no personal grudge against her. Actually, she seemed really cool and you had taken a liking to her. She went to Midtown and the two of you had met at Academic Decathlon back when you still attended school. Even though you were technically competing, you got along really well. You hoped she wouldn’t recognize you, but you weren’t too worried. You were wearing a Mardi Gras mask that you had picked up when all of the party supplies went on clearance. It wasn’t super glamourous, but it worked.

“There she is,” you whispered to yourself as you spotted her getting off the bus. You jumped off ledge, rappelling down the side of the building. You broke into a run when you reached the ground and sprinted off towards her. Just as you were closing in, you were suddenly struck on the side. You toppled over and crashed into a garbage can, causing Michelle to turn around and scream. You cursed your bad luck and looked up to find a man in bright red spandex staring back at you. You recognized him, and your heart sank. It wasn’t going to be an easy night.

“Spider-Man? From YouTube?” you gasped. “I thought you just did flips and stuff. Jesus, that hurt like a bitch.” You pulled yourself to your feet and landed a punch on his masked face. You always tried to keep a low profile, and you were pretty pissed off that you had somehow gotten on the radar of the Avengers or whatever the superheroes were calling themselves nowadays. You dodged a kick from Spider-Man and grabbed Michelle’s wrist. This seemed to make him angry, and webs shot out of his hand and stuck to your legs. He then proceeded to pull them out from under you and leave you flopping on the ground pathetically.

“MJ, run,” he demanded. It was the first time you had heard him speak, and you were incredibly surprised at how high pitched his voice was. It reminded you of something that you couldn’t quite place, but the squeakiness amused you. You chuckled a little, but your smile faded quickly. He fought you with a vengeance, hitting you with so much force that you began seeing stars. At one point you were pretty sure you heard your ankle crack. Luckily for you, you had been born with healing powers that allowed you to recover quickly. That being said, your ankle would definitely need way more time to heal. Your retaliation was a bit weak since every time you reached for a weapon (your gun, knife, and even taser) Spider-Man would knock it away from you. Eventually you couldn’t even summon the energy to get back up, so you lay on the ground when you had fallen. He walked over and pinned you down, and you groaned. You weren’t in the mood to be taken to the police for questioning.  

“Ah fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this,” you said, laughing to yourself but regretting it instantly due to the sharp pain in your ribs.

“Who are you?” he asked. “What do you want with Michelle? Who do you work for? Is it a mob boss or something, because if it is I need names and stuff.”

“Cool it,” you coughed. “Who are you? I’m just trying to pay for tonight’s dinner. I accidentally ordered fancy noodle stuff that I can’t afford from a Thai place nearby. Have you been there? Really good larb, I recommend it.”

“Answer the question,” he snapped. It was hard for you to take him seriously though, he had the voice of a baby.

“Hey now, I’ve been nothing but polite to you,” you replied. “Besides, I was getting there. I don’t work for anyone but myself, thank you very much. I’m not out for blood, I wasn’t gonna hurt her. I just need cash. Enough about me, what about you? How old are you? Are you even actually a man?” As you spoke, you could feel your strength replenishing. In a matter of seconds you would be good to go and could make your exit. Your stalling was pretty effective.

“I don’t have time for this, I need to get back to Mr. Stark,” Spider-Man mumbled. You lifted your head a bit at the name.

“So you do work for Tony Stark! What’s he like? I bet he’s like a fun uncle, huh? Like a funcle.”

“Wha-” he began but stopped abruptly as you grabbed his arm and flipped him over your shoulder. You stood over him, watching him curiously as he scrambled around on his back. You pulled a tranquilizer gun from your holster and twirled it in your fingers.

“It was nice meeting you,” you said. “Hopefully our paths won’t cross again. With all due respect, you weren’t super pleasant to be around.” You aimed for his neck and pulled the trigger, and he immediately went limp. While a part of you was tempted to pull off his mask (you could make serious bank from exposing his identity) you ultimately decided not to. He was a pain to deal with, but he was only doing his job. You did end up drawing a mustache on his mask with permanent marker out of spite, but you dragged his body over to a spot where he would wake up most comfortably. When you determined that nobody was watching, you pulled your mask off and proceeded to go catch the train back to your apartment.

Later that night as you were watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and eating some chips you couldn’t help but think about how familiar Spider-Man was. You decided that you found him irritating. You were in a foul mood because, not only were you out of a job, but you also had to start worrying about the Avengers. Everyone knew that once you got involved with heroes you were as good as gone. Curse them for keeping the world so safe. You climbed into bed, still grumbling to yourself about how annoying superheroes were. You tried to calm down; after all, you were starting a new part-time job the next day. When you finally dozed off you were still thinking about your new web slinging nemesis.

“Do you want that toasted?” you asked your customer as cheerfully as possible. Your new job totally sucked, but you really needed the money. You were fired from your old one, and you saw that the sub shop on the corner was hiring. You expected your first day to be easy and relaxed, but the place was busier than you had ever seen it. Your shift was really close to being over though, so you pushed through. The next person in line was a teenage boy that you recognized.

“Peter, hey!” you said with a small smile. “How are you? It’s been forever.” Peter Parker was a boy that you had also met at Decathlon. He was nerdy, but a really good guy. Contrary to what your memory of him was, he looked disheveled and exhausted.

“Hi Y/N, I d-didn’t know you worked here,” he replied. He pushed the hair out of his eyes nervously and smiled back. He seemed to be perpetually anxious.

“First day,” you laughed. “It’s been kinda rough, but I’m hanging in there. How’s your internship, is that still going?”

“More or less,” he said. “I’m doing my own stuff now. It keeps me busy. Hey listen, it’s really cool to see you again. I can’t believe you quit Decathlon, you’re the only person from the Bronx that our team likes. We should hang out sometime and talk.”

“Definitely,” you said brightly. You cleared your throat, trying to remain nonchalant. “How’s Michelle?”

“Oh, uh… She’s fine I think. I haven’t talked to her in a while. At least, not since yesterday morning. Not any more recently than that though.” He shifted uncomfortably as he spoke.

“Well, if you see her tell her I say hi!” You both stood in silence for a moment.

“I-I was gonna order something. Sorry, I forgot,” Peter stammered. You laughed and quickly got him his food. You didn’t know why, but the atmosphere got really awkward really fast. It seemed that perhaps both of you were hiding something.

Tags - 

@radicalstars @ketterdame @xfandomimagines @nebulaeofpie @girl-obsessed-with-things @allthingsfandomdudes @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @aridinosnore @no-good-ideas  @ohmystars30 @fangirl1220 @cutie1365 @huggingholland

[acidwaste]

hey so it seems i’ve forgot to do a l o t of tag memes, and i’m lucky i drafted a big bunch of them! lots of questions overlapped so i did my best to answer in different ways, sorry for the lateness! also @ the people that tagged me here, i wouldn't hesitate to kill for you

@natcaptor / @gayspaced

name: leon or lionel!

nicknames: literally the only nickname I’ve been referred to is “big gay” and like. word!

gender: im pretty sure im a guy, i have been kinda 🤔🤔🤔 abt my gender identity since around november-ish though

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1! i’m told that I’m tall but my uncle is 6’7 so...

time: 3:36pm rn! ive been watching video essays and binging music all afternoon

birthday: december 9th!

favourite bands: animal collective, beach house, camp cope, car seat headrest, death grips, fleet foxes, florence + the machine, gang of youths, glass animals, gorillaz, hop along, iceage, idles, kero kero bonito, mgmt, miike snow, modest mouse, run the jewels, superorganism, the avalanches, the cat empire, the go! team, the mountain goats, the wombats, xiu xiu

favourite solo artists: alex lahey, anderson .paak, ariana grande, billie eilish, bjork, cashmere cat, charli xcx, courtney barnett, cupcakke, d.r.a.m, eric taxxon, frank ocean, gfoty, hatchie, janelle monae, jeff rosenstock, joanna newsom, jorja smith, jpegmafia, kacey musgraves, kali uchis, kendrick lamar, khalid, kimbra, lorde, mac demarco, madeon, mick jenkins, mitski, oneohtrix point never, perfume genius, ravyn lenae, rina sawayama, serpentwithfeet, sophie, st. vincent, sza, vince staples

song stuck in my head: caramelo duro | miguel // kali uchis! its a bop, miguel is one of the few singers that can convincingly make sex jams

last movie i watched: deadpool 2! it was even better than the first, which is a feat in itself ngl

when did i create my blog: december 2016??? i only started using it properly in february last year tho

last thing i googled: “im in my mums car broom broom.” dont @ me

do i have any other blogs: yeah, plenty actually!! i have blogs for aesthetic (@moltenstar), general inspo (@wverns), flight rising (@szarising, kinda inactive?), and overwatch (@blackhardts) tbh the vast majority of my ‘sideblogs’ are just saved urls H

do i get asks: when i say stupid shit like “rung has the ass of a dilf but the dick of a cockroach”

why i chose my url: that one panel where kobd have a vacation at the acid wastes because fuck its finally canon babey!

following: 1,767, which is kinda horrifying!!

followers: 890?? somehow??? thats almost One Whole Thousand and i don't even make content

average hours of sleep: around 6 or 7!! n e v e r more though

lucky number: 43 and 64!!

instruments: i'm too poor to afford music lessons or instruments jsbddsjknfs

what am i wearing: a grey shirt and nothing on my bottom half so my [redacted] is hanging tf out, i should put on some damn clothes

dream job:  oooo uhhh, i’m studying to get an education degree rn because i’d love to teach children (around grade 3-4s preferably because i'm too jittery to handle anyone younger and older kids probs won't listen to me as much as i lack plenty of assertiveness), but!! i’d honestly love to be a musician, one of those underground ones that get lots of critical acclaim

dream trip: one day i wanna gather up some friends and just go on a road trip! idm where we go to, as long as we just have fun and just! adventure!

favourite foods: rare steak, mashed potatoes, eggs, and energy shakes made with like. fruit / cheese / yoghurt / oats / chia seeds ! protein is a large part of my diet

nationality: new zealand, but living in australia

favourite song right now: best part | daniel caesar // h.e.r - gosh i need to re-listen to daniel’s album again, i don’t remember this beautiful song being there and that’s a crime

@damndesi / @novarebel / @luciform-philogynist

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo (but I am getting a tā moko in December, I believe) - I have at least one piercing (planning to get a nose ring, like a bull!) - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined (b a r e l y) - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (barely) - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol (tastes like shit) - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live relatively close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone (do fractures count?) - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages (not fluently) - I have made a new friend in the past year

@smstransformers

age: 16

birthplace: auckland, nz

current time: 4:19 pm rn!!!

drink you last had: i just skulled half a liter of water whoops

favourite song: jesus etc. | wilco if we're talking abt an all-time favourite

grossest memory: accidentally swallowing a bee when i was seven years old (somehow nothing bad happened?)

horror, yes or no: not unless it’s an incredibly tame horror t b h, my threshold for scariness is very low

in love: i believe so!

jealous of people: lots of times, over really dumb things

love by first sight or should I walk by again: i believe that infatuation can exist at first sight but true love not so much. wish that could happen tho :C

middle name: shane!

siblings: my sister is eight years old, and my brother is seven!

one wish: EZ, make my anxiety disappear, i’d have a much more productive life

song i last sang: jupiter | haiku hands

time i woke up: 7:13, woke up immediately because i usually like to wake at 6:30

underwear colour: blue + purble

vacation destination: auckland / kingston / sydney!

worst habit: not remembering to make my goddamn bed, it looks like garbage

favourite food: mashed potatoes….

zodiac sign: sagittarius !!!

@alyonian

relationship status:

at the moment i’m single! and while being in a relationship sounds brilliant, the last two relationships i was involved in? didn’t work out to say the least, lucky i’m still young

favourite colour:

it’s been emerald green for the longest time but orange seems to be dethroning it at a steady pace

lipstick or chapstick:

i haven’t used chapstick since i was six but i probably should use it again, water is my substitute rn fdghdgh - and i haven’t ever used lipstick in any capacity? so i’d have to go with the former

last song i listened to:

the space traveller’s lullaby | kamasi washington - i’m trying to get through his second album rn (i left off on the second disk yesterday) and while everything he makes is undeniably amazing, it’s? a three hour album? i don’t have the attention span for his spiritual jazz, as great as it is

last movie:

monsters inc is playing on the television right now, i’ll go with that! the animation aged kinda badly but it’s still such a fun movie! sidenote: james p. sullivan? a childhood crush, so this gives me memories

top 3 tv shows/podcasts/comics:

i rarely, if ever, venture into these forms of media but! if i had to answer, i’d say;

unbreakable kimmy schmidt / parks & recreation / luke cage

taz / mbmbam (i havent like. watched a full episode of either but they seem cool,)

tf idw / …………. yeah that’s it, i’ve never read anything else. probably should!

additional favs:

my friends, writing (in theory), listening to video essays, learning music theory + instruments and understanding audio production software

top 3 bands / artists:

HHH okay if i had to limit my choices to just three artists, uh. lorde, the mountain goats, and sophie. i couldnt even fit janelle in i hate th is

----------------------------------

@alyonian

color(s): light colors are always nice and pleasant, though anything peachy and sandy are the best! orange (specially pastel orange) is like. the best thing

last band t-shirt i bought: usually merchandising is very expensive and i dont have the money to accommodate that, but like. i do recall having a wiggles shirt when i was five. i wore it all the time, shjdjgsksd im sure that counts

last band i saw live: i almost went to splendor in the grass last year with family, which wasn't only cool since i’ve never been out of the state since i immigrated - the festival was in queensland, which is around a two hour flight from victoria - but the lineup was pretty fuckin lit too! the xx, haim, peking duk, tash sultana, future islands, vallis alps, a.b original,, i was p excited! unfortunately my uncle fell ill and so they had to give the tickets to extended family :( otherwise, i haven't been to a single concert in my life

last song i listened to: street fighter mas | kamasi washington - up to this song on the album and i really fuckin dig this! also the video is hypnotizing

last movie i watched: monsters inc is about to finish and up next is monsters university! which like…. honestly, this is an extremely unpopular opinion but, i like it just as much as the original? my opinion might be skewed because i’m a monster [hugger], but i like everything abt the movie! except for the finale of the scare games and the last five minutes of the movie, both were just. dreadful.

last three tv shows i watched: if aggretsuko counts that’s the last series i watched of my own volition, which is a miracle in itself considering that’s legit only the second anime i’ve watched to completion (the first being shirokuma cafe, which i probably need to re-watch). otherwise, the last two shows i had beared witness to were thirteen reasons why and queer eye bc my cousin put them on! that first show i could completely do without but queer eye is iconique

last 3 characters i identified with: grimlock (legit. all of them), urdnot grunt (mass effect) and vector the crocodile (sth), i’m not sure what this says about me other than Big

book(s) i’m currently reading: i’m reading ‘maus’ by art spiegelman at the moment, for the third time i believe? i believe my classmates are supposed to be writing an essay on this next term and shit, this novel is heartbreaking, i haven't been this emotional when reading a book than… ever, really. it’s a recommendation of the highest caliber

@victorion

name: leon / lionel, i picked up the second name because i was in a server with an admin that was also a Leon™

nickname: besides ‘Big Gay’ i also have the nickname ‘lemon lion’ which is! nice!!

zodiac sign: archer man

height: Tall™

language(s) spoken: english / some maori + italian

fav fruit: watermelons (only when in season)

fav scent: the smell of a freezer tbh? it just smells Nice i don’t know how to properly explain it

fav season: spring! the breezes are welcoming without being overbearingly freezing

fav color: ornge,,,,

fav animal: SHARKS + CROCS + FERRETS

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea! with some milk tho

average hrs of sleep: too little

fav fictional character: One character?????? uhhhhhhh……. like. biggest cc right now is either idw skids or oz from monster prom

no. of blankets you sleep with: depending on my mood but i’d say the average is like, 3??

fav songs: i quickly whipped up some songs i listen to

fav artists: i came to the realization that i like acts that are considered ‘bad’ like maroon 5/drake/lil yachty etc in specific doses… i wouldn't call them good yet, but! i have no beef and thats good

fav books: remember ‘where the wild things are’??? that shit was like. literal childhood, man.. :happytears: i really need to look for a copy again

@thonany-klieme

name: leon / lionel, interchangeable really

gender: male, im probs an nb guy

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1

sexuality: gay??? im not sure, im mostly attracted to other guys but i have had very brief crushes on girls + nb people? sexuality’s confusing so im gonna just latch to the gaybel (gay label) for now

lock screen image: its the album cover of 1992 deluxe by princess nokia, tho it was “T Hanos” a few days ago since i change it often - my home screen is venom but his torso says ‘fuck machine’

ever had a crush on a teacher: no??

where do you see yourself in ten years: ideally i’m teaching kids math n english, realistically i’m probably going down with the political climate

if you could go anywhere, where would you go: new zealand!! or the netherlands

what was your favorite halloween costume: halloween is not big at all where i live, the only time i tried trick or treating was when i was like 7?? i threw a bedsheet on myself and pretended to be a ghost, though since there were no eyeholes + the sheet was blue, it looked more like i was just a moving lump

last kiss: never had one

have you ever been to las vegas: nah and i dont plan to?? how do you handle regular days of 40C wtf

favorite pair of shoes: i have this pair of jandals that ive worn for a fair bit longer than my other pair of shoes, tho i only wear them in summer + very warm nights

favorite book: ngl its. ‘the very hungry caterpillar’ by eric carle. i just, love it alot and i cant explain w h y

[ethereal-tempest]

All the Stars (BP College AU) Pt. 4

A/N: And from the shadows i crawled out and posted this long awaited continuation of ATS , which could quite possibly be trash but I do hope you like it! DM or inbox me if you would like to be tagged in the parts to follow. Also I will have some news about my life in general and the posting of future fics coming towards the end of the month so be on the look out for that! and as always sorry for any mistakes!

WC: Like 1,500+

T’challa x reader

Warning: language. but you already knew that.

Prompt: Love is complicated and confusing, it can be the most blissful feeling in the world. Or it can the reason your heart crumbles and shatters. Which will it be for you?

“...do the feeling haunt you?”

You and Ayo spent the rest of the day binge watching you favorite TV show greys anatomy for the 100th since you wouldn't have much free time once school started up. Eventually she went back to her apartment and you were once again by yourself but you pushed the sadness and loneliness away taking the time to think of ways you’d be able to start fresh and focus on school. No boy drama, none of that lovey dovey clouding your reasoning or work ethic. You may have a fling or two on the side but they were strictly that and nothing more, it would be you and your degree this time.

You woke up around 6:30am and began getting ready for your first day, deciding to dress up a bit or at least look like an actual human since the rest of the year you would look like a total zombie. Not to mention your plans for after class.

By the time you finished getting dress and doing your make up it was already 7:30 and time for you to start heading to class, it was only a 10 minute walk from your dorm but to be on the safe side it would probably be best to leave now.

And of course, your stroll to class was nothing short of hellish.

 Apparently everyone had the genius idea to try and get to class early and bombarded the sidewalks with large crowds making it hard for you to maneuver through. 

Thankfully the crowed thinned our as your rounded the corner entering the building for your 8 class at 7:50, you sat down in your seat 5 minutes before class was supposed to start and released a sigh of relief. You took out your notebook and laptop and doodle on your paper for a bit before class started. You glanced up as the clock hit 8 find it odd that you had not seen your professor or any familiar faces yet but realized some students were still filing in.

 “Is this seat taken?” “No I--” The familiarity of the voice made you still but it was when you looked into his face that you were truly froze, “Uh-Um n-no it’s not.” You said to T’challa as he sat down, hell you figured you’d have to talk to the man eventually seeing as that he appeared to be popping up everywhere you went but having a class with the him was more than you expected. 

“You look good, great actually.” you let out a nervous laugh, subconsciously thanking yourself for deciding to look nice for once and mumbled out, “Thank you.” He nodded his head as he took out his notebook, just as he was about to say something else your professor walked in at 8:15, “Good morning class, excuse my tardiness seeing as though i’m not a morning person you can expect me to be a few minutes late, attendance is required here and i don’t allow tardiness often so as long as you’re here before me we should have a problem. Now everyone grab a syllabus and lets begin.”

Your professor, Dr. Ginny Lawson had to be the sweeties woman you’d ever had the pleasure of learning from she taught literature but her class was always less of a class and more of an experience, you sat in a few times during your junior year and knew you had to learn from her. “Alright everyone, now for your first assignment you will be doing a research paper on the difference is the romanization of old literature to that of now literature. 12 page minimum.” the whole class groaned and seem to sank as she spoke but all perched back up with hopeful ears as she said, “Since this is the first assignment of the year i will be merciful, you’ll all have a partner. Turn to the other person at your table and say hello, you two will be spending lots of time together.” Your eyes widened as you looked at your professor, the tables were set up with two people seated at each and of fucking course T’Challa was at yours, why couldn’t you have just been the bitter and ruthless ex and tell him he couldn’t sit? “Take a few minutes and get to know each other, exchange information so you can later meet up and decide a plan to conquer  this assignment. I want papers on my desk by next Wednesday. Whenever you’re finish your free to leave.”

This was it, you managed to avoid much talk with the man all class but now you had to talk with him. “So—“ “I’ll ask her if she can switch partners.” He said before you could get a full sentence out, you just stared at the man uncertain of what to say, 

“I know this is awkward enough by us just being in the same class.” he said as he stood and moved towards your professor, you were too shocked to say anything as he walked away, had you treated the man that badly? Not like he didn’t cheat on you. Thought your inner voice but something in you still held out hope that he didn’t and it was that part of you that caused you to call out his name. 

A name that dropped so easily from your lips and sounded like music to his ears, a name you honestly thought would never having meaning to your life again but felt so right as you said it. “I-Its fine T’challa. It’s not that big of a deal right?” you noticed the bit of strife the man held in his eyes about the situation knowing it still ate at you, but you dismissed it all as you lightly touched his forearm before pulling back and give him small smile. “You still have my number? Send me a text later today with your schedule and i’ll do the same.”

The rest of the day was spent going to different classes and listening to your teachers speed through their syllabus, thankfully you managed to continue to be a hard working student in the past three years which would allow you to have a fairly manageable last year. 

You finished you last class around 3 and checked your phone seeing a text from Shuri. Still on for coffee? you had almost forgot as your replied back, Of course, is now good? a reply came through instantly Sure is. you chuckled and typed it a reply, Meet me ‘Heart-shaped Cafe’ after getting her confirmation text you head to the cafe yourself.

“Shuri over here.” you said as you waved her down to the table you sat at, “This cafe is amazing.” said Shuri as she looked around still gazing at the small yet beautiful building. “I know they changed it a bit since the last time i was here, it used to be my favorite spot on campus.” “why’d you stop coming?” She asked with a curious look in her eyes, “Me and your brother used to come here together, It was the first place we went on an actually date when we got here.” 

You smiled thinking back on the memory, while a sigh left your lips, you looked up at shuri who held a sad smile on her face as well, “Sorry for the bad memories.” you shook you head as the waiter began walking towards you to take your order, “They are far from bad, matter of fact I wouldn’t change them for anything.”

Your orders were brought out quickly and your and Shuri laughed and caught up on each other’s lives over the past 3 years.

“So about this man that had the audacity to cheat on a queen such as yourself, what’s his name?” you thought for a moment, Shuri must’ve had no idea that her brother had been the one to do it first but that was further in the past than you wanted to go with her, “Erik Killmonger, one of the hottest men on campus and now one of the dochuest.” 

Shuri squinted her eyes as she placed her hand in her chin, “That name sounds so familiar.” “He is the captain of the basketball team, plus if you do go here you’ll hear just about every other woman talking about wanting to bone him.” “I think he’s trying to become the new chapter leader of the beta rho beta.” “How’d you know that?” 

Jesus the girl was more in on what was going on in your college but it’s not like you’d been going there for three years. “T’challa was telling me some prick was trying to challenge him for it.” a small smile raised to your face, “So he finally beat M’baku? That’s good, i know it was important for him to follow in your father footsteps from when he went here.” Shuri gasped as she said, “You remember that?” you scoff as you finish your coffee and say, “Of course! It was one of the things on his list of ‘must do’s’.” 

You chuckled before continue on and saying, “He even said once that he’d stay in college an extra year so long as it meant he became the head of the frat one day.” You stayed in your reminiscent state for a bit longer before coming back to reality and noticing Shuris watchful eyes. “You know he misses you.” 

You shake your head in disbelief and sigh, “I doubt it, i mean he’s the king of the campus, he can have any woman he wants. He didn’t want me then so why would he want me now?”

Poor, Poor Y/N has no clue, more went down that dreadful day three years ago. I wonder when it will all come to the light? Once again thank you all so much for reading and shoot me a DM if you would like to be tagged!

TAGS: @marvelhaven @artistic22dragon @fandamad @vanessa-monique @nostalgic-uncertainty @potatopoop09 @akimi-youngblood @elaindeereadslexeeehhh @sprinkleofpoop @wakandab @aieyr @sadpimpcess @who-wants-toknow @angeli-fucking-cat @destinio1 @yourwonderbelle @a1iahwitchybabe805 @mysweetestkiss @fallenangelfangirl@watch-out-for-thorns @wakanda-sometimesitssammyjay @rishlo @greenswishbish (if your URL is bolded it wouldn't let me tag you for some reason :(. )

[whalefairyfandom12]

ALT ER LOVE

Summary: Dan is the breakout star of the newest international sensation, SKAM Britain, with the upcoming season centered around his character Isak. The only problem is that the actor portraying Isak’s love interest is enough to send the carefully labeled details of Dan’s life into disorder.

Phil had never wanted to be an actor, but peer pressure and having a film credit on his uni application was enough to make him audition. Somehow his meager talent lands him the role of Even, starring opposite one of the biggest names in the industry and his not-so-secret celebrity crush. The reality of the situation is more than he’d ever signed up for, and as fiction starts to bleed into reality the only thing anyone knows for certain is that understanding love isn’t nearly as easy without a script.

A/N: Though this certainly talks about Skam and its characters, it’s not necessary to have seen the show to understand what’s happening. It’s really just an actor au with an excuse for me to talk about the show haha. (But really, you should watch it if you haven’t already as it’s amazing.) I hope you enjoy!

Masterpost

Week One

Wednesday 10:30

    The poster was hanging from the bulletin board, already wrinkled and torn in several places.

    Following the success of the Norwegian hit show SKAM and its subsequent British remake we are currently holding auditions for the upcoming season! The series is an international phenomenon praised for its authentic portrayal of teenagers and focuses on telling real stories based on the hardships and pressures of being in college. We’re conducting an extensive search to find British teenagers for the cast. NO ACTING EXPERIENCE REQUIRED.

     Phil Lester was not an actor. The last time he’d participated in a play was in Year Two during a retelling of the birth of Jesus, and he’d almost passed out from stage fright. He had no interest in acting, and he hadn’t watched any of the iterations of Skam. He did, however, want to get a degree in video post production, which was why he was standing in the middle of the hall trying to determine if he thought he’d pass out if he tried to audition.

    Rosie came to a halt beside him, adjusting her grip on her backpack. Her hair was back to its natural blonde color, falling loose around her shoulders. “Are you going to audition?” she asked.

    “Are you?” he countered.

    She laughed. “No, definitely not. I can’t act to save my life.”

    “I can’t either, but it would look really good on my application.” He paused. “Is it bad I’ve never seen Skam?”

    Rosie’s eyes widened in horror he hoped was mock but looked fairly genuine. “How have you lived?”

    “I’ve seen gifs on Tumblr,” he said defensively. “And I keep meaning to, but I don’t have time.” He was even following some of the gif blogs, but that was more because of Dan Howell than anything about the show.

    “You’d get to make out with Dan Howell if you auditioned for Even’s role,” Rosie said, apparently reading his mind. “That’s reason enough.”

    “I didn’t know Dan was your type.”

    “He’s a little bit everyone’s type, but I know he’s yours.” She raised her eyebrows, nudging him suggestively. “You forget I’ve been on your Tumblr.”

    Phil flushed. “Skam is everywhere,” he said, protest weak even to his own ears. “It’s impossible to avoid it.”

    “Uh huh,” Rosie said, looking entirely too smug for his liking. “But seriously, you should go for it. You fit everything they’re looking for and I think you’d make a good Even.”

    “Yeah?”

    “You both like film, for one. But if you do get the part you have to bring me Dan’s signature.”

    “I’m telling Rose.”

    Rosie rolled her eyes. “Like she’s one to talk. She’s had a crush on Hannah Witton since season one.”

    “Hannah’s a little bit everyone’s type,” Phil echoed, earning himself a snort of laughter.

    “Exactly.” She patted him on the shoulder, grip surprisingly firm. “Alright, I have Classical Literature but I’ll talk to you after you get the part.”

    Phil shook his head, gesture fond. “It’s not going to happen!” he called after her. “I don’t even know if I’m going to sign up.”

    Rosie laughed, ignoring his words in favor of a wave as she disappeared around the corner. Phil watched her leave before turning his attention back to the poster. He sighed, trainers scuffing against the floor. He stretched a tentative hand towards the paper before faltering at the last minute.

   At this rate he was definitely going to be late to maths.

   Signing up didn’t mean he had to go. He could always change his mind, even if he was offered the part. He’d probably end up in the background anyway, no speaking required.

   Phil tore one of the paper strips off the bottom, folding it in half and tucking the URL into his pocket. It wasn’t going to hurt anything to just see what happened after all. He was sure nothing was going to come of it, and if it also presented a convenient excuse to meet Dan, well, what Rosie didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.

::

Wednesday 10:30

    At age sixteen Daniel Howell was quickly rising through the ranks as one of the most influential up and coming English actors. SKAM Britain had taken off internationally, being praised for its loyalty to its source material while still giving it a fresh cultural spin.

    It was everything six year old Dan had fantasized about: fame, recognition, finally being a real actor. But despite finally living the childhood dream sixteen year old Dan just really wanted a nap.

    Unfortunately, Tyler Oakley had other plans.

    Said pain in his ass whacked him in the arm with the script, jolting him awake. “Focus!”

    Dan winced, rubbing the undoubtedly forming bruise. “I am!” A pregnant pause. “Fine,” he amended. “I’m trying. It’s just...it’s been a long day. Week. Life.”

    Tyler’s expression softened slightly. Because unlike Chris he respected Dan’s boundaries, he kindly didn’t point out the fact that it was only 10:30 and therefore too early to really make the classification as a ‘long day.’ “Okay. I think we know the lines anyway.”

    Dan exhaled, flopping back onto the other boy’s bed. His relief was probably obvious, but he was too tired to care. “Thank fuck.”

    Tyler mimicked his movements, staring at the ceiling. “Any luck with casting Even yet?”

    “Not yet. There are a few auditions left today and tomorrow, but I have to decide before Friday.” He rolled over and buried his face in the pillows, closing his eyes. Maybe if he was lucky he’d suffocate to death. “I don’t know. I think Nick would like Felix or a person like that. Someone who's already well-known, but nothing feels right yet. There’s a…” Dan trailed off and snapped his fingers, looking at Tyler expectantly. “You know?”

   The other boy was staring at him uncomprehendingly, brow furrowed. “No, not really.”

    “It’s like when you meet someone and there’s a spark or chemistry or whatever you want to call it, but you click and everything feels like it just works.”

    Tyler bolted upright, holding up a hand. “Hang on. Are we still talking about acting or have we moved on?”

    Dan rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why he bothered, honestly. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

    “Because we can totally talk about your love life,” Tyler continued, glee thinly veiled. “Or wait, you’d actually need to have a love life to talk about it.”

     Dan scowled, flipping him off. He retracted any and all previous statements about Tyler being a good friend. “I told you, I’m not--”

     “Interested in a relationship,” his friend finished, pulling a face. “I know. We all know. But imagine how cute it would be if you started dating whoever was cast as Even.” Dan frowned, opening his mouth to respond but Tyler cut him off again. “I know you’re not gay. I’m just saying, everyone loves a good costar romance and imagine how much hotter the sex scenes would be.”

    Dan let out an undignified yelp as he tumbled off the bed, resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall in an attempt to scour the images from his brain. His face was burning as he stumbled to his feet, yanking open the door. “Bonding time’s over! Thanks for going over the lines with me.”

    Tyler smirked, stretching out on the mattress. “There’s something I like about the idea of two really tall men--”

    Dan jammed his fingers in his ears. “Goodbye Tyler,” he said loudly, but unfortunately not loudly enough to miss the rest of the sentence. At this point he’d give half of every paycheck for the creation of brain bleach.

    Tyler laughed. “Have a good time meeting your future lovers.”

    Dan picked up one of the shoes laying by the door, aiming it at his costar’s head. In his visions of fame, six year old Dan hadn’t accounted for the assholes that would become his colleagues and only friends. Which was more than a little depressing to think about, really. He wrinkled his nose as he stepped outside, heading towards his trailer.

    And they say to follow your dreams.

::

Wednesday 17:15

    The world looked a little better upside down. Phil’s mum had always been a big advocate for approaching problems from multiple angles, and though she probably hadn’t meant it literally he found it kind of relaxing to pretend he was a fruit bat whose biggest problems were surviving until the next night.

    His laptop was open to the audition application, name and email already filled in which was as far as he’d gotten before panicking. If he thought he could screw his head on enough to focus actually watching some of the episodes instead of relying on Tumblr’s slightly biased opinions would probably be a good place to start.

    From what he did know, Dan was playing Isak Valtersen, the main character of season three. Isak was gay and his storyline primarily revolved around accepting himself, coming out, and meeting Even. Dan was one of the original cast members, and from the numerous crying gifs on Tumblr was popular with the viewers.

    Even Bech Næsheim was Isak’s love interest, and that was basically all Phil knew about him. He’d skimmed the wikipedia page once out of curiosity and seen the film connection that Rosie had pointed out and a lot of gifs of Even and Isak kissing. Like a lot. Like so many he was already blushing thinking about having to do all of that with Dan.

    Phil had been an out and proud bisexual since he was twelve and had his share of boyfriends since then, so it wasn’t the thought of kissing another boy that had him so nervous. It was that the boy in question was Dan.

    Who, not that he was looking or anything but from a video he’d found of Dan making out with some girl from another movie, looked like he was a great kisser.

    He exhaled, puffing out his cheeks as he rolled right side up. The room spun, and he blinked a few times rapidly to try and unsuccessfully clear his head. He reached for his laptop, entering his password. The audition form loaded again, and he finished filling out his information and pressed send before he could angst about it again for another six hours. Now all that was left to do was wait.

::

Wednesday 19:23

   Dan was ready to implode and take the rest of the world with him. He didn’t understand how it was possible to make an improv scene about hiding a body boring, but most of the actors were finding a way. He slumped in his seat, sighing loudly enough for Nick to shoot him a dirty look. The director held two fingers and Dan gave his best impression of a ‘what the fuck is that supposed to mean’ face.

    Nick’s lips thinned. “Twenty two more people,” he said as Peter exited with a flourish. “And then we’re done.”

    Dan groaned. “That’s twenty two too many. And then a hundred more tomorrow.”

    “Have you see anyone you like?” Bertie asked before Nick could respond. Dan almost felt bad for him. The screenwriter spent a lot of his time smoothing things out between Nick and the rest of the cast. “They don’t have to be from today.”

    He shrugged. “Peter was okay.” He’d wrung a laugh out of him with his improv anyway, which was more than could be said for everyone else.

    “He went off script quickly,” Bertie said, flipping through his binder. “Since we’ve left casting Even five days before we start filming,” Dan cringed, sinking further into his seat. “It’s important whoever we cast can think on their feet.”

    “I’m going to let the next one in,” Nick said. “Try to look less like you’re being held against your will.”

    Dan rolled his pencil between his fingers, picking at the places where the wood had started to chip. Twenty two more people and he could go back to staring at the walls in his trailer. At least filming started soon, and even if everything else was going to shit at least that was something that still made sense.

::

Thursday 16:27

    Phil had moved three meters in the past two hours. The rest of the crowd snaked around the block and into the audition building, better looking and infinitely more talented candidates making excited conversation. He estimated there were still a good few hours before he reached the door, but he was already starting to feel ridiculously anxious. His nerves weren’t helped by the fact that despite leaving the flat with plenty of time to spare, he was the last one in line. He made a face, prying his fist open and wiping the sweat against his shirt.

    The crowd inched forwards.

    He jumped as his phone vibrated, a thumbs up from Rose and a gif of Dan in a beanie from Rosie. He smiled, the encouragement only slightly lessening the urge to throw up. He’d never been very good at job interviews and this was a million times worse.

    Then again, the application had had a lot of unusual questions so maybe the experience wouldn’t be as painful as he was anticipating. Only one of the questions asked about prior acting experience, and most of them were assessing with what he liked to do in his free time or if he had any social media accounts. He wasn’t sure how any of that was relevant to acting, exactly, but the less he had to advertise his faults the better.

    The line moved forwards, three centimeters, this time.

    Phil sighed, eyeing the pavement dubiously before sitting down. He had a feeling he was going to be here for awhile.

::

Thursday 18:43

    “I'm sure that in a parallel universe there's an Isak and an Even who're lying in the exact same way in the exact same place, only, like the curtains are a different color or something.”

    Mark was quiet. He met Dan’s gaze evenly, voice subdued. “So yellow curtains, then?”

    “Yeah.”

    A melancholy smile. “I think you’ve had enough jay now.”

    “Haven’t you ever thought about that?” Dan asked, trying to keep his tone wistful. He couldn’t be the only one that spent every night wide awake and imagining the other versions of himself in realities where he regretted his life a little less.

    “Yeah, but I guess I’m just starting to feel so...I don’t know. Lonely.”

    “It’s interesting though,” he insisted.

     Mark sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. “I don’t like it. Freaks me out.”

    “It freaks you out?”

    “Not freaked out like a horror movie, but like feeling alone. That sort of freaked out, I guess. That like it's your head it's you and your head and all of your thoughts.

    “Alone in your head, what do you mean?”

    “A ‘The Mind is Alone’ feeling.”     Dan frowned. “A what feeling? The mind is alone?”

    “Because the only thing that exists is you and your thoughts, right? You can't escape from your own thoughts, The only way to do that is to die.” Mark curled further in on himself, averting his gaze. Dan had a feeling he was trying to portray the heaviness of the dialogue, but he’d already started out the perfect picture of forlorn that he had limited ways to try and look more depressing.

    “That's dark, though.”

    “Yeah, but haven't you ever thought about that?”

    He did a double take. “No?”     Mark laughed, a more than a little bitter sound. “Jesus! I'd forgotten how young you are.”

    Dan’s smile was more of a grimace as he dropped his script on the table. Both Nick and Bertie were nodding appraisingly in Mark’s direction, and his heart sank. It was rare that the two ever agreed on anything, and it was looking more and more like Mark was going to get the part. He retreated to his seat, rolling the pencil between his fingers as Nick gave Mark the usual speech about expecting-a-call and -thanks-for-your-time.

    “Thanks!” Mark said cheerily. He shot Dan a bright smile, offering a wave. Dan returned the gestures with considerably less enthusiasm as the other boy left the room.

    “I think Mark is the best we’ve seen so far,” Bertie was saying. Dan tried to pretend he was interested.

    “I agree,” Nick said. “What do you think, Dan?”

    He hesitated. “Fine. Yeah, he was great.”

    The director and writer exchanged exasperated looks, which he thought was rather unfair. Sure he could be a little high maintenance sometimes (read, most of the time) but he didn’t have anything on someone like Jake Paul.

    “What didn’t you like about him?”

    “Nothing really. It’s just, don’t you think it should’ve had more lightheartedness?” Dan said in one breath. “In the beginning lines, at least. Isak and Even have spent all this time chasing after each other and trying to figure out what this connection is between them while all of these other tensions and pressures keep piling up until finally they kiss and realize that the idea of Isak-and-Even isn’t so crazy after all.”

     “And?”

    “And don’t you think after spending the night together and the way both of them feel free and safe enough to let their walls down that the morning after wouldn’t seem so much like someone died? And if the scene starts mellow there’s nowhere else to go.”

    Nick sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard. “You’re right,” he admitted. Dan tried not to fall off his seat in shock. “I noticed that too, but there’s never going to be a perfect actor that gets everything right the first time. Not even Meryl Streep. If you keep waiting for someone like that you’re never going to be happy.”

    “Maybe. I guess we’ll see.” Dan set his jaw, dropping his gaze to the table determinedly. There was a challenge if ever he’d heard one. Now he just had to hope the actor was out there that could prove him right.

::

Thursday 20:15

    Phil’s trainers squeaked against the floor as he followed the man into the audition hall. The sound was uncomfortably loud in the silence, and despite his nerves he was relieved when they finally reached the room. The man pushed the double doors open, entering without hesitation. He could make out the silhouettes of a table and two people sitting at the head, flanking the empty seat. They looked like they were engrossed in a conversation, pausing as Phil took a hesitant step forwards.

    The first thing he saw was Dan, head bent over his phone and dark curls soft where they fell against his forehead. The actor was wearing a biker jacket unzipped over a gray shirt and black skinny jeans, outfit complete with the bored and slightly tortured look on his face. Beside him was a blond haired man in glasses, and the red haired man who’d let him in.

    The latter cleared his throat, stepping forward with a practiced smile, “My name is Nicholas Young and I’m the director of SKAM Britain. This is Bertie Gilbert, our screenwriter. And of course, Daniel Howell who plays Isak Valtersen.”

    Phil wet his lips reflexively, trying for a smile. “Hi. I’m Phil, it’s nice to meet you.” Dan looked up at his response, and he almost wished he hadn’t because wow. He’d never really understood the whole ‘the eyes are everything’ shtick everyone was always on about in the movies, but clearly he hadn’t been around the right people.

    “We’re glad you could make it,” Bertie said. He pulled one of the empty chairs away from the table and Phil took a seat, unable to resist glancing back in Dan’s direction. The other boy was still staring back and he dropped his gaze, face warm.

    “As you know,” Nick took over. “Skam is unusual in how interactive it is. It’s not just a show, it’s an experience.” Dan snorted quietly, and Phil smiled despite himself. “Clips are released in real time, and filming and writing can be very intensive to meet the deadlines. The characters have real social media accounts, and pictures need to be shot outside of filming. Even doesn’t have an Instagram, but you’ll be required to be in Isak’s photos as well as some groups shots and promo pictures. The point is, this is not a commitment to be taken lightly and we’re only looking for candidates that will invest the time and effort necessary for an experience this time consuming.”

    “Okay,” Phil said weakly.

    Bertie flashed him what he assumed was supposed to be a reassuring thumbs up. “Just focus on the audition for now. You’ve got this.”

    Actually Phil was becoming more and more convinced he didn’t got this, but he nodded anyway.

    “We’ll start with a short reading of one of the scenes to warm up,” Nick said. “Followed by an improv and a final read through with Dan.” He pushed the stack of papers Phil’s direction. “It’s in order.”

    Phil shuffled the stack, scanning the first page. A hotel room. EVEN is eating a mini burger. His energy is infectious, almost too much so.

    “Whenever you’re ready, Phil,” Bertie said.

    He relaxed his death grip where it was starting to wrinkle the script, nerves back with a vengeance. He let his eyes drift shut, envisioning the walls of a hotel building around him.

    Even was feeling on top of the world, Isak sitting across from him. Affection overtook him at the sight, knocking him off his feet and dissolving his expression into a smile. After everything they were finally here, and maybe it wasn’t going to last forever but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to keep it for as long as he could.

    His eyes snapped open. He met the other boy’s gaze with a smile.

    “You don’t think we’ll get married?” he asked, surprise mingling with genuine fondness. It had become impossible to do anything without feeling ridiculously, stupidly, improbably in love. “We’re so fucking getting married.”

::

Thursday 20:45

    The door slammed shut as Phil left the room, Nick taking the now empty seat across the table. Bertie had left a few minutes ago for a meeting, and Dan steeled himself for the impending interrogation. Strangely, the prospect didn’t bother him as much as it normally would’ve, black hair and a bright smile lingering every time he closed his eyes.

    Fuck.

    “Now that auditions are finally finished, who did you connect with the most?” Nick asked, cutting straight to the point.

    Dan hesitated. (Phil, his brain helpfully supplied in the pause. You want Phil, possibly in more ways than one. He told it to shut up.) “I don’t know. They all seemed like good candidates.”

    Nick released a long suffering sigh. “The original season three of Skam was what brought it to international prominence. If we want to replicate that success in any way we need to make sure you’re comfortable with whoever plays Even. I still think Mark seems like a good choice.”

    The thing was, deep down he knew Nick was right. Mark had already made a name for himself and had plenty of experience. He or someone with his background would be the obvious choice. Not some gangly eighteen year old who hadn’t acted since he was six. But even though Mark was fine and his audition had been fine there was something missing.

    Auditioning for Skam was one of the first things Dan had ever done for himself, and despite living the acting dream and getting to work with his friends everyday between his success and the popularity of the show his career was becoming yet another thing he was losing control over. Picking the Even he wanted seemed in some small, pathetic way like he was taking over his life again.

    There was the whisper of a laugh again, tongue poking out the side of Phil’s smile as he looked at Dan. And while he knew it was just Even looking at Isak and it didn’t mean anything, suddenly he felt more real than he had in a long time and really there was no dilemma was there?

    “Phil Lester,” he said. “I felt the most chemistry with him.”

    He held his breath, waiting for Nick to say something disparaging, but to his surprise the other man merely looked contemplative. “Hmm. You two did have a natural connection and your chemistry was very good, but he doesn’t have any acting experience.”

    “The sign up sheet said he didn’t have to,” Dan argued. “A lot of us don’t, and that’s part of why people connect with it so much. It feels authentic--there isn’t any of the polish or glamour from the industry. And it seemed like he already really understood the character in just a few hours.”

    “Okay,” Nick said, expression contorted like he was making a life or death decision and he’d chosen death. “Fine. If that’s what you want and Bertie agrees, Phil Lester can be your Even.” He narrowed his eyes, finger jabbing Dan in the chest. “But you better prove me right.”

    It was ridiculous how much Dan had to fight the urge to smile. “I will,” he promised. He waited until Nick had left the room before letting his grin split his face. A laugh escaped before he could stop it, relief and adrenaline coloring it slightly hysterical. He’d done it--he’d finally found an Even.

    His steps were light as he ran towards the door, knocking Carrie down the stairs where she was waiting outside with PJ. Not even the fact that it looked like they’d been talking about him was enough to dampen his mood.

    PJ helped the girl to her feet, giving him a suspicious look. “What’s got you so happy?”

    “Can’t I smile sometimes?” he protested.

    “Not like that.”

    “I agree,” Carrie chimed in. “Black clothes and gallows humor is more your style.”

    Dan would be more offended, but they were kind of right. He’d known PJ and Carrie since the start of Skam, as they were two of the original cast members. PJ played Jonas, Isak’s best friend, and Carrie played Vilde, one of the main recurring female characters. By this point they’d known each other so long it was impossible to get anything past them. “I hate you both.”

    She patted his back. “We love you too.”

    He glared at her. “I hope you both get eaten by a moth.”

    “Are you going to tell us what’s going on?” PJ interrupted, looking at him expectantly.

    Part of Dan was tempted to leave them guessing, but he really was excited. “I found an Even.” A moment of stunned silence.

    Carrie unfroze first. “You found an Even!” she shouted, pulling him into a hug. “That’s amazing!”

    PJ clapped him on the back, more reserved but smile wide. “Who is it?”

    “Phil Lester,” Dan said once Carrie had released him and he could breathe again. “He’s eighteen and from Rawtenstall. He read the hotel scene and we did yellow curtains again but it just worked this time.”

   “What does he look like?”

    “Tall. Like, I know I’m freakishly tall but he might be a little taller actually. Black hair, his eyes are like a blue, green, yellow shade?”

    “Isak and Even together at last,” PJ said seriously. “And you and Phil really sound like you have chemistry. The sexual tension is essential.”

    “What color are his eyes again?” Carrie asked innocently.

    Dan rolled his eyes. “How are you and Chris getting along Carrie?” he asked pointedly. “Or PJ and--who is it you’re with now?”

    “You’re deflecting,” she said. “And for the record, Chris is lovely. We haven’t spent that much time together so far but I’m sure that’ll change once we start filming.” She threw an arm around his shoulders. “Seriously though, I’m happy for you. And that my job is safe for another six months.”

     It was starting to become stupid how he couldn’t stop smiling, and once the shock wore off he was sure he’d revert to his usual state of dark nothing, but for once he shut off his brain and reveled in the feeling. “Yeah, well, I’m happy for me too.” It wasn’t a lie in the slightest.

::

Friday 15:16

   Phil was trying to pretend he wasn’t staring at his phone waiting for it to ring. His English teacher was giving a lecture about the final paper that he should probably be listening too, but instead he was staring at his empty notifications. The longer the day went on the more convinced he was that he hadn’t gotten the part. It stung more than he thought it would’ve.

   He’d spent the entire day fielding questions from his friends and hiding in the bathroom, hating that he was so excited. He’d even watched the first four episodes of the original Skam last night and started the first two of Skam Britain, and found that he actually enjoyed it far more than he thought he would’ve. Granted, Dan was in the British version so he would always be slightly biased towards that, but there was definitely an appeal in the original version that made him understand its success.

    His phone rang on the table beside him, vibrating against his pencil and sending it rolling to the floor. Phil ducked his head, reaching to silence it. He froze.

    It was an unknown caller.

    His heart leaped into his throat, chair squeaking across the tiles as he bolted for the door. The pencil would have to wait. “Sorry,” he said, pausing long enough to meet the dumbfounded expressions of his classmates. “I have to take this.” His hands were shaking as he pressed answer, sinking onto one of the benches lining the hall. “Hello?

    “Is this Phil?”

    “Yes?”

    “This is Marie from Skam Britain. I’m calling to inform you that you’ve received the part of Even Bech Næsheim in our upcoming season. Congratulations!”

    The phone clattered to the ground. Phil scrambled to recover it, his cheeks starting to hurt with the force of his grin. His brain was starting to short circuit, thoughts frozen somewhere between received the part and congratulations. “Thank you!” he blurted, elation lifting his words into something nonsensical.  

    Marie huffed. “You’re welcome, I guess?” she said, humor lacing her voice. “From what I can tell you’ve earned it.” Phil couldn’t bite back his smile this time at her words, and settled instead for leaning against the back of the bench and listening. “Filming starts Tuesday, but we want you and Dan to spend Sunday together if you’re available?”

    “Yes!” he said, trying unsuccessfully to curb his excitement and sound professional. “That works great.”

    “I’ll email you the address and more information, but welcome to the cast.”

[himlarna]

I got tagged again and im procrastinating my studying sooo

Tagged by the nerd who hasn’t left me alone for twenty years @mlkseok

Rules :  answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to know better (HAHAHA YOU THINK I HAVE TEN FRIENDS)

(A)ge : 22, I didn’t even write this myself me an my tagger are the same age so

(B)irthplace : stockholm, sweden (also just copy-pasted this, we’re actually clones)

©urrent Time : 16:49, the perfect time for studying if i was actually doing that

(D)rink You Had Last : water, because im a plant. Yes, that’s right, plottvist: it is the bisexuals who are the plants, check mate

(E)asiet Person To Talk To : My dog, because I can just repeat “you’re cute” over and over to her in different ways and it totally makes sense

(F)avorite Song : No (ok but for real do people have like one song they like more than every other for longer than an hour, i dont understand).

(G)rossest Memory : Once I watched @mlkseok eat ants. This probably isnt really the grossest but we talked about it yesterday and its all ive been able to think about since uh and also this was in kindergarten OR WAS IT

(H)ogwarts House : Ravenclaw, cause im a bi-rd

( I )n Love? : No, how does that even work btw

(J)ealous Of People? : Of the ones who understands how being in love works, how

(K)illed Someone? : Jesus, what?

(L)ove At First Sight or Walk By Again? : I mean like, I’ve seen cute girls on the subway and been to shy to look at them for more than half a second, does that count?

(M)iddle Name : Danger

(N)umber Of Siblings : None as far as im concerned

(O)ne Wish : I usually just respond to these with “getting a book published”, but that hasnt happened because i havent actually like, tried yet, so

(P)erson You Last Called : my mom, she lost her phone in the laudry

(Q)uestions You’re Asked The Most : i dont remember anything anybody has ever said to me

®easons To Smile : My dog is cute, im done with the first draft of this shit fucker of an essay, now i just have to reduce it by 600 words fuck me

(S)ong You Last Sang : the moomin themesong has been playing in my head nonstop for the last hour, help

(T)ime You Woke Up : 9, which i had to set an alarm for

(U)nderwear Color : oh, oh dear goodness me (i actually dont remember)

(V)acation Destination : travelling is stressful, but watching live musicals somewhere sounds fun, when i have time and money for it which is 

(W)orst Habit : uh, im bad at cleaning? like, real bad, but that might have to do with brain things. Also I tear my nailpolish off my nails instead of getting it off the proper way and it ruins my nails but i have no self control and it’s satisfying af

(X)-rays? : i dont remember having any, i have no bones, my skeleton gone

(Y)our Favorite Food : shit, the first thing that popped up is pancakes, fck

(Z)odiac Sign : taurus, the meatiest of animals (i could also say the horniest but I WONT)

i’m tagging fuckall, my ant-eater friend took almost everybody already, why do we have so many mutual friends, except for @bourgeoisin cause she didnt know ur url :   ) and also mayb like @fluffpotato if u like, wanna tell the world about ur underwear, i honestly dont understand these questions

[rockhoochie]

Long Overdue Love

I’ve been meaning to take some time to thank everyone for the likes, comments and reblogs on my fics. You have no idea how happy it makes my little fangirl’s heart! Now that I’ve (mostly) figured out how Tumblr works, I thought I’d thank each person who commented individually on each of my fics so far! This is long, so it’s all under the cut.

And here we go...

On “Wilderness”:

@theoriginalvicki commented: “God-damn awesome is right!”  Thanks so much! This being my first ever piece of writing I’ve shared, it means so much that you enjoyed it!

@cemmia commented: “So hot!”  For some reason, your URL isn’t working, but if you see this, thank you!!

@aubreyreadsstuff commented:  Fucking shit why is he so damn sexy as hell? You’ve got me all sorts of hot and frustrated. Damn it I need a Dean like that in my life.  I ask myself that on a near daily basis! And I’m thrilled to hear I got you all sorts of hot and frustrated - It means I did something right! Thank you!

@mspseudonymwho commented:🔥Sweet Jesus, this is so damn hot!Awesome writing. 😮  Thank you so very much for reading and for the compliment!

@mrswhozeewhatsis commented:  Got some hints of Dom!Dean in here! *fans self furiously*  Ahh, thanks Michelle! I just love me a bossy Dean!

On “No Apologies” (formerly titled: “He Brings Me Sugar)

@cherrycokegirls1 commented: Oh my goodness. This is so good and I can’t wait for more!  That really means a lot because, to be honest, I’m not satisfied with this one . I rushed myself -  It was the first time I put effort into building an OC, which I really enjoyed doing, and I think this has so much more potential. I had planned on abandoning this, but your comment caused me re-think that decision. I’m going to put this one on the shelf for now, and re-visit.  Some ideas have come to me, so someday it’ll get a complete overhaul and quite a few more chapters! Thank you for the comment and inspiring me!

On “Every Inch”

@growningupgeek commented: Hot, sexy, and a little sweet with a great ending.  Thank you! This was my first time writing Sam - it started out Dean, but the more I wrote, I realized it fit Sam better. This is actually one of my favorites! I can’t take full credit for the ending - a friend suggested the premise for a different fic but I just had to use it for this one. So very glad you enjoyed!

@butiaintgonnaloveem commented: Oh man. Not even my kind of kink but the build up is so good that I don’t care. And the ending?! No spoilers, but I just loved it.  To hear that this wasn’t something you’d normally be into but took a chance on and enjoyed it is a huge compliment to me! Thank you so very much! And I have to say, I love the ending too ;)

@mrswhozeewhatsis commented:  I really love the ending of this!! LOL!!  Again, thanks Michelle! I’m a little disappointed the ending wasn’t my own idea, but I think it worked well! A little post-coital humor is always fun!

@cherrycokegirls1 commented:  Holy wow! This was amazing! Such great writing! And the smut? Freaking hot!  Thank you, thank you so much for reading and the compliments and the comment! So glad you liked it!

@kathaswings commented:  Holy shit, yeah. What she said. I seriously suggest you go check Sarah out - this thing was amazing!   This was my first fic I posted on Tumblr, and my first Sam fic - as a die-hard Dean girl I was hesitant to keep going but so glad I did! So many thank you’s for reading and the recs!!

@atc74​ commented: You know how we (writers, people, humans) can be skeptical at new things? Well, here I was, clicking the link above and feeling somewhat skeptical; I will admit it. But as I continued reading, I was pleasantly surprised. I am not sure words will actually do this post justice. It is not often I come across a new face in the fanfic world, who admittedly says “Hi, I’m new here”, and then blows it out of the fucking water. This fic is well done; it is eloquent and hot as all get out. Go and give this a read; you will not be disappointed. I know Sam wasn’t! I hope we will see more from Sarah in the future!  I’ll always be so grateful for this comment and reblog Ang! I was admittedly terrified when I took a shot and sent this to you when you were looking for fic recs. I never imagined I’d get such a beautiful, encouraging response! Much love to you!

On “Soaked”

@mrswhozeewhatsis commented:  Whew!! (warning for NSFW gif under the cut)  Thank you for the comment and reblog! This is only my second porn drabble - I had a bit of writer’s block (and I think I was bored at work) and I realized, “hey! These are really fun to do!”  It gave me an idea, so I might be doing a lot more of these and turning it into something fun once a week!

@kathaswings commented:  Sarah 2 - Lina 1. I need some inspiration or I’m so gonna lose this panty ruining contest…  When I write now, I always ask myself ‘will this ruin more of Lina’s panties?’ Lol :)

On “Full of Grace”

@herbologystudent252 commented:  Damn…no, hott damn!!  To which I replied, “Thank you!” to which she replied  “no, thank *you* 😉” . Thank you!!

@kathaswings commented:  Sarah 3 - Lina 1  Oh, come now! (Saw it when I wrote it, leaving it because I can, lol!)

@wingedcatninja commented:  *screaming incoherently*  I’m squeeing audibly! Thank you!

@notnaturalanahi commented:  So fucking hot and sweet!  Exactly what I was going for, sweetie! Thank you!

@impaladreamers-mainfrigginblog commented:  This is incredible 😍😍  Thank you so very much for reading and the compliment!

@angelwriter3895 commented:  💙😶😍💓💗  I would respond with emojis depicting love and gratitude, but I’m on my tablet!

On “Hunt Hard, Play Harder” (Part 1)

@daughterofthebrowncoats commented: OK SO. First: Holy fucking shit, this is like, top 10 hottest things I’ve ever read, bar none.  Like, the name calling, the whole being a slut (for one person)?  A personal favorite and for anyone who get offended by it, I’ll remind you that many kinks are taboo for a reason. Second: It’s beautifully written, just full of language that makes me know and feel exactly what’s going on.  I feel that lazy evening heat when she’s sitting on the car.  I feel the rumble of Baby under me as I half doze off.  I know exactly how it felt to have Dean between my legs, driving me up one side of wild and down the other because you were able to put it into words and that’s a skill that just has to be innate.  Third: DID I MENTION HOW FUCKING HOT THIS IS.  IF NOT, I NEED TO. IT’S IMPORTANT.Just, dannnnnnnnnnng, this is so freaking good!!!!  You, my friend, are so talented and I love it and you!!! @atari-writes @badsongwinchester you just want some rough Dom!Dean? Cause @rockhoochie is passing out the good stuff!  You have no idea how much this beautiful comment means to me. I’m thrilled, humbled, and have all sorts of feels from this. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this comment. “Thank you” doesn’t express my gratitude enough!  I want to say more but I’m speechless!

On “Fair Play” (Hunt Hard, Play Harder Part 2)

@squirrel-moose-winchester commented:  Sweet chuck, the next part is going to delicious!!  Mmm...I’m hoping it will be ;) Thank you!

@blackcherrywhiskey commented:  Oh hot dayum!  Thank you my dear, so very glad you enjoyed!

@thinkwritexpress-official commented: oooooh shit yes please!!!! The ending has me screaming, I can’t wait for the next part!!  Thank you so much - I can’t wait for the next part myself!

@kathaswings commented: I have complaints. 1) My panties are ruined. (Cause that was freaking hot.) Where can I send the bill? 2) My brain is useless and buzzing. (Cause it’s on overdrive, caught up in all kinds of images about Dean naked and tied up.) 3) I already hate you for planning more of this. (Cause I smell a threesome on the way, and that will surely kill me. There’s only so much perfect smut a girl can take.)  Oh my dear Lina, you know I regret nothing ;) You will never know how happy this comment made me - it still makes me smile!

@there-must-be-a-lock commented:  This is hot as hell!  Thank you so much!! I can’t wait to turn up the heat!

@mrswhozeewhatsis commented:  This is freaking awesome (like “I’ll be in my bunk” awesome) and I absolutely LOVE where I think this is going!!!!!  My goodness - if I’m ruining panties and sending people to their bunks I must be doing something right! Thank you so much Michelle! I think you’ll love where this is going as much as I do!

@hennessy0274-blog commented:  Hot damn!  Thank you, so glad you enjoyed it!

@atc74 commented:  Awww snap Sammy!! Sarah, this was fucking AMAZING! I love it when Dean slips into sub mode! Can’t wait for the next part!!  I LOVED having Sam say that!! And as much as I love bossy dom!Dean - this was fun to write. I’m excited to finally get to the next part soon! Thank you so much Ang, I really appreciate the love!

And so, to everyone who has liked, reblogged, commented, or read any of my scribbles, thank you. As for what’s next, stay tuned for:

-a Dean oneshot I forgot I wrote a few weeks ago (maybe posting tonight?)

-a request from @loreleilara for Sam smut which is almost done, and turned out to be pretty long, but hopefully totally worth it! 

- Hunt Hard, Play Harder Part 3

Love to all and...

[rebelwheelsnycshow]

The Burden Of Disability Erasure (& The Balance Of Self Care)

I read this morning that the senate passed the #GOPTaxScam bill (overnight, no less), and I don’t even know what to feel at this point. I never underestimated the evil that the GOP* was capable of, nor do I ever underestimate the power of the people. I’m just never sure these days, which side will win.

And in the midst of the confusion, the numbness, the sadness and the anger, in creeped the thought of “And if one more able bodied person, posts about cuts to medicare and medicaid, and does not mention disabled people? I’m running them over in my wheelchair.”

In the past I’ve said in jest to friends and fellow activists “Hey, don’t make me run you over”. (And if it needs to be said, no I would not literally run people in my wheelchair.) But today it was not said with a grin, but rather expressing the frustration and burden of disability erasure.

Knowing that the GOP will most likely go after medicare and medicaid. (After all, how are they going to pay for the trillions of dollars that will be added to the deficit?) And knowing that as the GOP does so, there will be people who get it. Who will post about how cuts to such programs impact seniors, children, the poor and/or disabled people, but there will also be those, sometimes people with large influence, who will not mention the disability demographic.

This is the burden of disability erasure.

[image description: Yellow background. Illustration of a woman screaming with her mouth wide open and her large red tongue coming out. Her hair is blue, with white stars at the ends. She is wrapped in a red and white striped fabric. The text around her reads “disabled people are in the struggle too! fight ableism! what’s ableism? educate yourself @ whatisableism.tumblr.com . In these very strange and scary times, imagine being an oppression demographic that people forget even exists and thus don’t know you are oppressed. @ rebelwheelsnyc ]

Having to deal with the political fuckery and urgency in these times, and in addition (if that wasn’t enough), the burden of having to remind some people in the resistance, that the disability demographic (one of many marginalized communities) are not just ableist concepts of inspiration and tragic. Who have no need for rights or healthcare, shelter or food, as if we are just wisps of air.

I don’t publicly talk about this as often as perhaps I feel it. There are times when I want to tweet in all caps “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! DISABLED PEOPLE EXIST! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU??!!” but I don’t.

I’ve written poems in anger such as... .

How is it that some of y'all never fail to notice me when I am out and about in my motorized wheelchair

I am visibly #disabled.

you staring, gawking w/ looks of pity and/or disdain. and yet … when it comes to things like healthcare and tax reform bills you suddenly need reminding that I exist. #Resist (Make the connection) Poems that I do no publish. Partially because I know when I feel the burden, the urgency of “HOLY SHIT THE GOP IS TRYING TO KILL DISABLED PEOPLE AND YOU PEOPLE CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER THAT WE FUCKING EXIST??!!” although valid, is a sign that I need to do self care.

Partially because I know as an activist that I can either tell people to go fuck themselves or I can try to reach them, but I can’t do both.

Partially because I know many non-disabled people just don’t come in contact  nor have much exposure to disabled people. More than not, when people do see disabled folks in movies (which is rare at best), our stories are composed by non-disabled writers oozing ableism like an infected wound (and are then applauded.) 

[image description: a graphic with a white background and black “typewriter” font text. It reads, ”Ableism is… (a form of) discrimination.The false idea that disabled people are by default, inferior. When in truth, disability is just another way for a mind and/or body to be.”]

And partially because I know that as an activist, I don’t always get it right and have learned things along the way, and sometimes as a result of missing the mark.

(And as I type that, I understand this intellectually but I am angry nonetheless.)

And partially because I know it will bring out the jaded choir of the disability community (which I say sans judgement), who sing: See? No one remembers disabled people. Ever. There are no allies. Nothing is ever going to change.

But that’s not what I meant when I tweeted about a person or group who misses the mark. There has been progress. But not this time and not this group. But I lack the energy to properly explain that and now things just feel like a mess.

Jadedness, which I am only partially weary of because there are days where I am not that far off from joining the choir and singing alto.

And so I stop and do self care, which can come in the form of stopping. Breathing. Making myself a good breakfast (and trying to eat mindfully. Try to eat),

And so I stop and do self care, which can come in the form of playing angry music, sad music, sobbing, screaming if needed.

And so I stop and do self care, which can come in the form of medicating myself with photos of cats in bow ties, of really cute pigs wearing hats

[image description: a photo of Esther, The Wonder Pig wearing a winter hat and dress that a fan made for her. she is in mid speech and is standing outside in a semi-wooded area]

And so I stop and do self care, which can come in the form of making art, writing about the burden of disability erasure and the balance that is needed. And when I feel ready, I take a deep breath. I return and #resist.**

_____________________________________________________________ The graphics in this article are from the outreach site, What Is Ableism. https://whatisableism.tumblr.com , which is a resource for non-disabled people who wish to be allies to the disability demographic, and for disabled people who would like to do some outreach, and even unlearn any ableism that may have been internalized.

* “I never underestimated the evil that the GOP was capable of, “ This in no way insinuating that the democratic party is golden and without flaws. The party can be very problematic. However, the article is addressing the mayhem orchestrated by the GOP, and so it focuses on that particular party. ** Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”  - Audre Lorde . Any long lasting activist movement needs activists to do self care.  

[image description: The graphic has a red background. On top there is a blue rectangle with black text that reads “In every demographic, there are disabled people, and yet in many liberal, progressive and leftist causes, there is.” Below that is an illustration of a woman wearing a blue tank top with orange flowers on it. There is a yellow speech bubble with black text that reads “The Disconnect”. Below that in parenthesis and in the same black text, it reads “(Da da daaaaaaaaa). Below that in the lower right hand corner there is a green rectangle with black text that reads “What’s it all about?” Lastly below that in much smaller white text is the URL on this site: whatisableism.tumblr.com]