#being ace doesn’t mean you have to think of sex as disgusting

[vroomian]

You do realize sex negative doesn't mean what you think it does, right? It's the opposite of sex positve, as in blieving people should have sexual agency for themselves.

Not efeling sexual attraction doesn't mean you have to view sex as disgusting, you are literally identical to misogynistic gay men who call vaginas disgusting. Congrats.

Omg you’re really trying to drag me into the discourse that’s hilarious

My opinion on sex is You can do whatever you want forever. Also it’s gross and silly and seems to turn your brain off <3 (thanks for the example lol)

I know what sex negative means my guy but for someone’s who’s so sex positive you sure seem invested in policing how I think about it 🧐Maybe the real gay misogyny calls are coming from inside the house????

[sepublic]

            I find it interesting that even in the epilogue, four years after Camila has had time to be more acquainted with the Boiling Isles under non-threatening circumstances, she’s still creeped out by it. And this is fine! The narrative isn’t condemning her for it. It’s not demanding that she enjoy these things like Luz does; It’s just asking for her to respect its existence, and to support Luz’s interest in it and love her too.

            In For the Future, we see Camila horrified by what she encounters in the Boiling Isles; But she also spends the whole episode pushing through it anyway for Luz’s sake, being there for her as much as she can. Because she knows these are just feelings and nothing more, and she’s choosing to be kind in spite of them.

            By contrast, in this same episode we find out Belos does feel empathy and guilt towards his brother and nephew, he wasn’t purely 100% only interested in what they could do for him; And yet, he’s still just as cruel and violent towards them. He’s still cruel and violent towards witches and demons, sometimes using the ‘tragedy’ of Caleb as a justification. Hell, he even resents the ghosts for making him feel guilty, telling them to ���Shut up.”

            Isn’t that fascinating? Disgust is portrayed as a morally neutral thing. It’s not an indictator of morality, it doesn’t mean something is bad… But it doesn’t mean the person who feels it is bad, either, people don’t consider that enough. It’s just a gut reaction. Sometimes people have internalized biases they need to work through, but other times, it’s pretty harmless as long as they’re self-aware and don’t do anything bad over it; This even applies to the process of unlearning the aforementioned biases.

       ��    Likewise, empathy and guilt don’t actually, necessarily make you a good person. The example with Belos shows how some people will actually be crueler because of empathy, because they resent people for being upset, and thus making them feel upset because they naturally empathize. Hence those who get angry at people in pain and need for “ruining their vibe,” because now they feel bad too.

            There’s a juxtaposition in how Camila seems genuinely more scared and creeped out by the isles on a visceral level than Belos, and yet Camila has the common sense to still respect and fight for its existence; Whereas Belos chooses to make a mountain out of a molehill because it’s not just hatred, it’s pride. It all boils down to his ego at the end of the day. In many ways, other characters struggle with dilemmas more difficult than Belos’, yet still do better than he ever has.

            This all plays into my thesis that TOH is arguing your feelings are secondary to your actions, and that the latter is what decides whether you’re a “good” person or not. In the end, someone who’s had a good life and was a dick for selfish reasons, only to choose to be better, is more sympathetic and morally superior than someone who suffered a million unfair grievances, and proceeded to dole out a million unfair grievances, with no sign of stopping; Especially from an IRL perspective, and I think our IRL feelings sometimes influence how we engage with media, and vice-versa.

            That’s why the finale –and the show as a whole– emphasizes choices, over inherent, instinctual feelings. A decent chunk of Camila’s arc could be summarized by the word Squick; In the sense that it’s meant to describe things that one feels personal disgust and discomfort towards, but otherwise has no moral condemnation or problem with; It’s just a Me thing, is the point of Squick. Camila is like that sex-repulsed ace who nevertheless supports kink at Pride.

            That gets me to how my ruminations were prompted by a similar observation; How some people lump sex-repulsed aces in with the oppressive Puritans who hate sex in anything, but that’s not true at all. Obviously there’s the rare Exception, but as a whole, sex-repulsed aces are on the side of other queers who ARE sexual and are demanding to let these things be normalized; It’s not for them, but they have no moral condemnation and will fight for it in solidarity anyway, especially since both are hated by the system regardless. Sound familiar?

[hana-no-seiiki]

A Quick question My beloved god~!

How do you feel about pathetic yanderes? Like pathetic yanderes that has power (wealth, influence and all that shit) but acts pathetically towards their darling?

Cuz even tho I'm a bottom (obviously cuz i can't pull off being a top ;-;) pathetic yanderes just bring out a different side of me

I would love to see them beg and cry and it's just so adorable??? Cuz pathetic yanderes are oddly endearing even tho they're fucking pathetic and disgusting

UGH I EAT THAT SHIT UP THEY'RE SO SO SO CUTE THAT I WANNA MAKE THEM CRY EVEN MORE!!

(You can ignore this if you feel like it's kinda too much lol and apologies for being kinda redundant)

also no not cute but

Breathtakingly Adorable~ <3

- Your Junie~

PATHETIC/RICH YANDERE SCENARIO (GENDER NEUTRAL READER & YANDERE)

“PRETTY PINK PRINCESS : GOOD FOR YOU”

⚠️ By pressing the Keep Reading button you’re confirming that you’re above 18 and consent to reading dark content.

A pathetic, rich yandere? Isn’t that just me— (also im just gonna ignore that last part for my wellbeing-)

Pathetic Yanderes can be a top. Usually if you’re from a rich (asian) family there’s just a lot of drama. Like you’d think everyone loves eachother so much and everything is peaceful but once the family dinner ends the treachery begins. So they’d have to be confident, assertive and sociable to survive that kind of environment.

You know the kind that’s super headstrong whenever they’re with anyone else but you.

Your ask kinda reminds me of my ocs Crisanto Salvador and Isabel Labrador (the dors really do be the biggest masochists of Midnight Darling). While Isabel is a hard sub that’s a brat, Crisanto doesn’t even hide how down horrid he is for MC. He fell in love with her because she threw away a Birkin Bag he used to court her.

Boy has got connections 💅🏻 ✨

He can get you anywhere and everywhere. He can also get you out from any and every situation you might not want to find yourself in.

But yes back to Pathetic + Rich Yandere! I can see them ordering all manners or surveillance. They’ll take the time to survey your routine (or have someone else do it) and plan out what to do from then on. If you go outside regularly then they’ll have “bodyguards” set, if you’re more of a homebody then they’ll have cameras installed in every corner of your house whenever no one’s at home.

They’re your biggest career hyper. They will get you to whatever position you want in life. While Pathetic Yan will be practicing their at home spouse skills just for you.

(Ignore this if you’re ace) The biggest challenge however is practicing how they’re supposed to satisfy you in bed. Making do with someone else is an absolute no no. Besides, you might have a different preference entirely.

So oh well, what else could they do but kidnap you?

What do you mean they could have courted you first? They couldn’t even fathom breathing the same air as you for too long in fear that they may have a heartattack. This was the only way, you see!

But don’t worry, they’ll be the best partner you could ever look for. They just have practice not getting so aroused when you look straight at them all the time. It’s hard to focus on feeding you like that after all!

Pathetic Yandere loves to wear pink fight me. Pastels everywhere. They’re massive Rococo/Baroque interior design fanatics. Stickers are everywhere. They have a whole ass bookshelf dedicated to their sticker collection.

In bed they have cute ribbons for bondage prepared. It doesn’t do much by way of keeping you still, but boy does it look so adorable on you!

At least one person is gonna be full to the brim by the end of this, might as well make the act aesthetic.

Noisy as hell when having sex, they just have to voice how they feel about you, yknow? Shutting them up is close to impossible. And of course, tears! Lots of it. One might say they kinda look like they’re in pain sometimes from how much they mewl.

Their bed is the softest one you’ve ever been on. You find out that it’s from one of those high end Swedish brands that make em out of horse hair.

You’re tempted to stay just for that reason.

“ Never leave me okay? I promise I’ll be good for you ♡ ”

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023

[littlesparklight]

Is Hippolytus asexual because from what I’ve read of the play he seems to be celibate for religious reasons not because he doesn’t have any sexual interests

I think "is so and so asexual/aromantic" in Greek myth isn't... actually a question that can be answered with "yes/no" in terms of the actual understanding/intent/cultural meaning in Ancient Greece.

Like, strictly? Neither Athena, Hestia, nor Artemis are on the ace-spectrum.

That is just not what is being portrayed, at least in intent - and the same goes for Hippolytus and Narcissus.

That doesn't mean it's not valuable and without insight/worth to interpret any of these characters this way, especially in a modern lens! (It also, I think, is worth it to acknowledge that people would always have been this way, and that, unintentionally but having no other way to express it, these characters could still reflect asexuality or aromanticism.) But to be strict about it, what, say, the three goddesses are about isn't actually them being on the aro- or ace-spectrum; it's about cultural views and ideas of women, and the mobility (or not) of them in/outside of marriage.

When it comes to Hippolytus (funnily enough I did read almost all of Euripides' Hippolytus the other day)... well. Like above, obviously he isn't actually asexual or aromantic. At least not in intent in the context of the culture his story developed in.

You point out the potential religious angle to his celibacy in the play - and sure, probably? I don't know enough to say I saw any religious reasons as such, nor any otherwise expressed desire, but I do think you're right. So that's one angle. Another is the unfortunate fact that Hippolytus is also a raging misogynist (and clearly sees his goddess not as a "woman" in any way). This absolutely has a huge part in why he is refusing to have anything to do with worshipping Aphrodite/sex (with women, that is. we don't know what his feelings/desires are when it comes to sex with men).

At the same time, whether any of these are the overriding reason for him rejecting sex in general - he's being told his stepmother is attracted to him. Even if they haven't grown up in the same house for years, this is still "incest" that falls under an incest taboo, in the way Ancient Greece would look at it. I think it's completely fair for Hippolytus to be disgusted and reject Phaedra over it. (Even if he does it in a ragingly misogynist way.)

So, would I interpret Hippolytus as potentially asexual? Yeah. I would. I don't think it actually goes against the text to add such a dimension, even if we acknowledge that the religious and/or misogynist reasons are the "main" ones. In fact, it just adds to it, I'd say? Hippolytus, living in the culture he does with the idea of how all-encompassing Aphrodite and desire/sex is, would basically have no other way to express (or understand) any actual/potential asexuality than what his culture gives him.

This is also why I, personally, interpret Athena, Hestia and Artemis as various flavour of aromantic and/or asexual, as well as with Narcissus.

Narcissus especially because there's several variants where you have him simply not attracted to anyone else, but also is cursed to fall in love with his own reflection. Being cursed doesn't say anything about his natural proclivity. Another version has him kill himself because he regrets having caused Ameinias' death. Looking at it from a modern angle, Narcissus should be free to deny anyone he wants, man or woman, if he doesn't want them. He doesn't owe anyone returned affection or desire.

But that isn't how it works myth-wise, and so he will be punished - as will Hippolytus, refusing to honour Aphrodite not just in formal worship, but in his refusing to have sex.

Whatever his reasons actually might be for said refusal.

[cogaytes]

Ok, I’m also not someone who thinks smut is disgusting- in fact I’ve written smut for kotlc before- but i read the post in question and its tags and I have a couple points, I guess.

A lot of the smut is on ao3, which has a notoriously amazing tagging system! It’s very easy to filter out explicit and mature fics. Now I can’t speak for wattpad, because wattpad has a terrible tagging system, and tagging is definitely a discussion to be had, but I also mainly use ao3 anyway, so…

I cannot speak for everywhere, but the age of consent for sex *between minors* in my state is 13. I.E. two thirteen year olds could have completely legal sex. In fact, a 13 yr old and a 17 yr old could have legal sex, provided it was consensual, although there are still probably unhealthy power dynamics at play in that relationship. The age of consent between adults and minors is 16 in my state (likely to account for relationships between older high schoolers) provided that the adult does not hold a position of power over the minor, such as being their teacher or boss

on that point, a lot of the people who *dont* like the existence of smut seem to be infantilizing the characters. In the tags of said post, I saw a lot of “why are they thinking about SEX, they’re 16! Practically toddlers!” or assigning moral value to smut “writing smut is always weird, but if it’s about babies- sorry, minors- then it’s straight up evil!”

Rape and sexploitation are absolutely terrible things to happen to a person. Writing about fictional characters having consensual sex is not inherently abuse. In fact, writing about a fictional person being raped does not necessarily mean the author is a rapist or porn addict. Sometimes people write stories to send a message. Sometimes that message happens to include sex

on that note, sometimes people write stories for fun! Even if that fun includes sex! Even if that fun includes the characters involved being minors! Sometimes it’s integral to the timing of a fanfic for it to take place at a certain time in canon, and the characters might be minors at that point!

also @ people who think smut is gross: please don’t infantilize the fanfic authors too. I saw some “if it’s an adult writing smut it’s pedophilic. If it’s a kid, then they are too young to know any better!” As a transmasc, let me tell you how sick I am of people telling me I’m too young and or stupid to know shit about my gender and sexuality. Just stop.

sex is going to exist no matter what. Even between minors. Even between *adults and minors*. Smut is also going to exist, but if you place a ban on it existing, it’s probably just not going to be tagged. Humans are a sexual species, teenagers in particular. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX. And you know what? Sex doesn’t have to be disgusting and taboo. Sex can be art. Art can be about sex. We don’t need to become Quakers about it.

and also, if you’re sex repulsed, that’s okay. Many people are, and ace erasure is totally a problem. But don’t attack other people for doing something completely natural

anyway, this got kinda rant-ish, sorry

i don't feel like i have much to add outside of this, so just posting ^^

[fool-of-a-took1]

Homophobia and transphobia is honestly really weird. If we have examples with the same principle but another subject not many people would think it makes sense.

For example, if we compare which hand is dominant. The norm and most common thing is being right handed, we’re gonna pretend that equals straight people. Same thing goes for left handed people corresponds with homosexuals. We also have ambidextrous people let’s say that’s people who like more than one gender.

Now I don’t think anyone will judge you on which hand you’re more dominant in (if it’s not a case of copying you while you’re writing and you have your hand covering the text(left handed struggle,believe me)), no one will go “oh you don’t write with you right hand, that’s weird/wrong/disgusting” right?

(Now this is in no way accurate statistics of course, just a comparison)

(I couldn’t really get in ace/aro spectrum example on this one without making it sound like a disability or something in style with “and then some people don’t have hands” and that is in no way what I want so I’m sorry)

We can also use food as an example:

(Once again only comparisons)

Homophobic person: my favourite food is pizza

Homosexual: I enjoy hamburgers more

Bi: yeah I like both

Pan/omni: Mhm me too, I also like sushi

Ace/ aro spectrum: I don’t really like any of those.

Homophobic: HOW IS PIZZA NOT YOUR FAVOURITE, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?!

(Now I am not saying that everyone that likes pizza are like that, there are a lot of pizza lovers that support other foods too.)

And then we have another one.

Let’s say that a person grew up with mostly crime novels to read and didn’t really like them. But then they realised that oh romantic slowburns are more their type of books. And then someone else realise that they don’t really like to read at all. And someone don’t really know so they go back and forth between different genres.

Now imagine someone going I there being like “Why do you not like the same genre, something is wrong with you” or someone being like “why did you realise you like this genre more than the one you had at home, that you never liked anyway, weirdo?”

Now this works as an example for both homophobia(other sexualities included) and transphobia.

And if you say that “liking the same gender isn’t natural” I’ll tell you this.

The only other species that has homophobia is a sort of spider, the rest of the animal kingdom doesn’t think of it negatively.

If you say it’s against you religion well let me just give you thing for Christianity(honestly can’t give you so much on other religions as I’m not really that well educated on their view on lgbtqia for the moment). There will be people saying that in the bible it says that you shan’t love a man the same way you love a woman (directed to males) or something like that and what I have to say is that *NEWSFLASH* God didn’t write the Bible, humans did. Plus the translation could have been wrong.

And like if God I’d love why wouldn’t he support love?

Oh and to the people saying “god doesn’t make mistakes” about trans people, that also means he meant them to be there and for them to be trans so you’re arguing against yourself, also there are people born with disabilities and we do stuff to “fix” that so why shouldn’t we help people that have been born in the wrong body?

Please don’t get mad at me for not mentioning you’re sexuality and/or gender identity, I’m not an expert and this is just my thoughts on queer-phobia stuff

Love is love and porn is sex but sex is not porn🏳️‍🌈❤️

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw mention of sex/sexual topics?, sexuality confusion, mostly venty lol

okay so for a very long time I've considered myself aroace and I still think that to be true, like I've never felt attracted to someone before (I actually forget romance and sexuality exist at all most of the time) BUT I've been curious for a few months about what it would be like to have sex.

Now the thing is is that first, I am trans (trans masc nonbinary), second I live in a conservative area, third I'm living stealth rn for safety, and fourth I have previous trauma from CSA and low/no contact CSA exploitation that makes me feel SUPER SUPER uncomfortable about being naked around people and uncomfortable around other people who are naked. Also I have big trust issues.

So if I wanted to have sex, I'd have to find someone that isn't queerphobic, find someone that is willing to be partnered with me, find someone that I can trust enough to be with, and somehow get over my own disgust of naked human bodies (which is a ME thing. Nothing to do with other people, it's just a weird me thing -_-).

I mean like it's a small thing I think about every once-in-a-while but it's not a huge deal? but I'm curious ya know, like a lot of people around my age (19-22) act really sex-focused and idk how to relate to that at all. Like ??? Also I worry about stds and all that stuff.

Like idk do people go to a bar and ask someone? if I went out and got drunk would that work? like that's super irresponsible and idk if I'd be able to do that but I'm curious. What's the big deal? Plus additionally if I were to sexually partner with someone I think I'd prefer them to be amab but idk?? I don't find anyone attractive but if someone had a penis the whole sexual interaction would be more obvious to me <- odd reason, hopefully I didn't word it too weirdly?

Which I guess might make me gay??? Then I'd be gay aro ace and trans nonbinary and that just feels like too much you know? I'm too paranoid to try anything but I'm also pretty curious. Also there's the fact that I get mistaken for a lot younger than I am and that uhhh might draw some weird people? idk if I'd be considered attractive but I've had multiple people confess to have had a crush on me in the past.

why is this stuff so complicateddd

Hi anon,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing and I’d like to start by saying how sorry I am for your trauma history as well as trying to navigate some complexities between gender identity and sexuality in a cultural climate that doesn’t often allow room for exploration of either, much less both.  

I think it can unfortunately be easy to generalize how people might react, and/or behave, and forget the individuality to be found anywhere and everywhere - it’s understandable and valid to worry “am I the only one who feels this way?” - but it’s a lie.  There are so many people out there who are looking for the things you’re looking for, too.  

To me, and I apologize if I have managed to misread this, but unpacking some of the things you’ve shared, it sounds like there might be conflating sexual orientation with sexual activity.  They are two distinct things and though of course can overlap, don’t cancel each other out.  An aspec person is still aspec regardless of sexual activity.  Though at the end of the day, only you get to decide what - if any - your labels are, and the boundaries around what and much you share with any intimate partners in the future.  If you consider yourself aspec today, then explore your sexual orientation further and realize another label actually speaks more to you, then all that happened was you’ve discovered more of who you are: and that’s a beautiful thing.  

As for how you might go about exploring that sexual activity, I think the first step to consider is: “what are your boundaries?”  I had the opportunity to answer a similar question about pursuing experiences/relationships, which might be a helpful addition - though it sounds to me like you know what you’re looking for, it’s more about how to explore that in a way that feels comfortable for you?

Is there a possibility - if you are seeking to explore intimacy for the first time, but with a bit of distance and the ability to decline, and leave when you feel you need to - a virtual connection?  Something where you could engage in non-penetrative sexual intimacies within a comfortable environment?  There are several online communities that might feel safer to explore as you navigate your own boundaries, and could connect via a camera?  That way if you realize it’s not for you, you have the power to turn it off and curate your online experiences moving forward? Of course, if that doesn’t sound appealing please don’t think you even have to consider that, I just wanted to offer a potential since it sounded like there was some concerns when it came to in person contact. Regardless of what you decide for yourself, I hope you have the opportunities and safe environments to explore the things you want on your own terms. - Mod Kat

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

I’ll admit, I don’t understand sexual attraction at all. I’m sex repulsed, so human genitals, human bodies coming together like that not only disgust me, they confuse me. I get procreation all, but why people enjoy that stuff eludes me. I had tried it before I knew I was ace. I was even more confused then, as I thought we HAD to do it, n not doing it wasn’t normal. I couldn’t understand why I’d have trouble being attracted, n not turned on - or I’d b turned on, but not by the bloke. In fact, I’d have to shift the mind to something else entirely, as I’d feel too uncomfortable n start thinking too much. I’d think whether they were lying to me or not, if they had past partners, despite claiming they didn’t, how disgusting body fluids are, how even more disgusting it would be if they had been with someone else and then me, because again, body fluids - and emotional attachments. It would overwhelm me. They were lying, and using me to some extent. That extent varied, but it never felt good. I just felt crappier, and more guilty of trying again n winding up in the same situation. I didn’t even want to put them or anyone else unknowingly through tension. They were essentially vibrators with a heartbeat. And they treated me like I was just a disposable toy to them. In fact, for some, it felt like they did it as a joke - to build you up, and let you down, simply for their own validation and amusement. I let it go on for years, because I thought it would help the self esteem. For awhile, it felt good temporarily, but in the long run, it didn’t do any good. It was nice to be seen as ‘sexy’ at the time.

A wiser me would realise ‘sexy’ is misleading. It feels good to be acknowledged, but there’s a certain element of allowing yourself to be patronised and objectified to enjoy that. It doesn’t last, either, unless you’re delusional.

That wiser me moved on. I no longer needed that validation. I don’t really see meself as ‘sexy’ anymore, but that’s ok. I don’t need to. I have found happiness beyond that. I have found meaning to life beyond needing those sorts of things. It feels good tbh.

I also am not jealous, as I don’t have a desire for what they are offering. I don’t have crushes anymore, as that same wiser me realised that crushes on others were awkward and uncomfortable. You never know who the person u r drooling over is or has been with, n often times, they’re not into you. It feels very exploitative. I either see people as ‘this person looks sweaty, greasy, grimy, unkept, n vulgar’ or ‘this person is decently groomed, n that outfit is nice.’ That’s it. And to be honest, I’m happier like that. I’m more at peace with the mind.

Love is something I can understand a bit more, because there are two kinds. There is the romantic lusty shite that tbh I’m clueless about, n I can’t really seperate it from the sex aspect most of the time. What I do know is that it’s usually an act, usually an illusion, especially as means to get other things, such as attention n validation.

There is the ‘agape’ kind of love, the non sexual, non romantic stuff. I can separate that from the rest very easily. They do come together at times, but much rarer than people think.

I honestly think asexuals understand sexual attraction more than allosexuals because, for me personally, I have to question it every time. Every time I come across someone that I think is good looking, I have to go through everything I know about sexual attraction to come to the conclusion that I am in fact not feeling that kind of attraction

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

My Thoughts On Toxic-Hypersexuals And I Think I Might Be Demisexual But I'm Not Sure...?

[Note: Don’t Reblog This Without My Permission...] 

it might be possible I might be a bit Demisexual, it is still part of the asexuality spectrum just like Aceflux is....I know I wasn't originally Aroaceflux.

well I don't really have a person in real life that I feel any form of sexual attraction to, and I don't really want to try to date a real life human being at this time...

and you know, some Acephobia people are probably just Toxic-Hypersexual....I mean it could be possible, and it is kind of disgusting, gross and maybe even scary if it turns out that some Acephobia people are just Toxic-Hypersexual......

while some Acephobia people might not be Toxic-Hypersexual, they might be able to change and understand that their disgusting view about how being Ace is wrong, is just something that in inhumanly disgusting and makes them seem like they are sex-crazy in the negative way and will in turn make them less attractive even to those who do feeling sexual attraction at times, but may feel repulsed by their Acephobic ways...

so yeah, my view on some Acephobia people as being Toxic-Hypersexual and Sex-Crazy, while maybe only a small percent aren't that way, I wouldn't be surprised if some are that way...

it will however make them less attractive to me and possibly a few others who have more sense than to dislike someone for being Ace or Aceflux... a Toxic-Hypersexual person, is someone who is on the toxic side of the hypersexual and some could possibly be Acephobic but not all of them.

I guess I am just wondering if I might be a bit demisexual, could it be possible that I might be Demi-Aroaceflux...?

well even if there were the case, I still don’t plan to get a real life boyfriend, online or otherwise, give me husbandos any day thank you very much...

Toxic-Hypersexuals and Acephobic jerks, will NEVER be attractive to me...

I doubt that Asmodeus has anything to do with my bad luck with online boyfriends before....I mean I know I am a bit paranoid when it comes to him...

I mean I tried to look up some info about what attracts him and how to keep him away.......didn’t get much from that other than the whole info on how to summon him thing...

and one of the things I guess I am a bit paranoid about, is if he tries to “court” me but it is all to get back at King Solomon, but he could probably do that with anyone, I’m just one of King Solomon’s descendants who is also a Defective Earth Angel of a Glitch.

and I’m not really all that attractive, semi-cute I guess, but not super cute, and I sure ain’t drop dead gorgeous either, so Asmodeus would probably have something wrong with him if he tried to use me in some kind of plan that has to do with getting back at King Solomon....even if that might not happen and I’m just being paranoid... 

so the chances of my bad luck with my now ex-boyfriends having involved Asmodeus in any shape or form, is possibly very small chance of being true.

and I guess I might not be demisexual, but I can’t help but wonder if I might be.

maybe I shouldn’t worry about at the moment, it might not even matter at the moment if I am demisexual or not.

I think I will wait until tomorrow to work on the next chapter of that “Spinelluva Boss: Home Is Where The Spinel Is”, I was planing to work on the next chapter idea today, but I kind of don’t feel like it right now...

so I will wait until tomorrow to get to work on the idea I have for the next chapter.

and yeah I can’t remember when it started, it might of been around 2017 or 2018 when I couldn’t help but get Asmodeus on my mind, I don’t freaking know why, and it’s weird about the whole cat and mouse thing in some of those readings for Gemini, though lucky some will just be about other Gemini.

I seriously can’t remember if it was around 2017 or 2018, maybe that doesn’t really matter at the moment.

I just been trying to just wait it out I guess, and yeah as weird as it might be, I view it as some kind of spell, which I keep telling myself...

but I guess if I had to choose which one would be safer to be around, him or a bunch of Toxic-Hypersexual humans who are also Acephobic....yeah no contest, I think I would feel safer with him or his ficto-counterpart Ozzie and not so secret crush Fizzy from Helluva Boss.

even King David’s own sicko son was a Toxic-Hypersexual, and King David should of man-up and be a Dad, and punished that sicko....

and being King David’s descendant, I shouldn’t be the only one to call him out on his poor parenting, don’t matter if that sicko what his favorite son, he should of gave him some form of proper punishment, and that goes for Noah as well, don’t matter if he is a ancestor as well, you do NOT scapegoat your grandchild like that....

anyway maybe I don’t need to worry to much about the whole Asmodeus thing.

I mean I even had the other weird thoughts of wanting to punch Mammon in the groin.

and he was the first ever I think, that I had thoughts of wanting to do that to...

and it has to do with the messed up stuff that has been happening, and that time when a price on coca-cola had went up a bit...

so yeah, that made me a bit mad and made me have thoughts of wanting to give Mammon the King of Greed, a groin punch...

and as for the whole Demisexual thing, I guess anyone else would start to wonder if they were demisexual or not, but might feel a bit confused if it is true or not. 

and even though I might not be Intersex, but suspect I might possibly be.

it’s because of some info I read about one of the types of Intersex, that make me think I might be that, even if only half of the info on it seems to fit me.

but for all know, it could just be coincidence.

and as for the whole freaky thing with the Radio, I think that might only happen like once in a while...and when it does happen, it might still remind me of Alastor from Hazbin Hotel...

I don’t mind it only happening once in a while, like the signal becoming better if I hover my hand over it, it still a bit freaky but at least it is okay.

and at least it seems to only happen once in a while.

I’m still not a fan of Acephobic Humans in Real Life, because it just makes them seem Toxic-Hypersexual, even if it might seem like only some percent of them are that way while only a few of them are actually Toxic-Hypersexual.

anyway maybe I can do more thinking about if I might be Demisexual or not another time, and just be content with just being Aroaceflux/Fictoromantic.

still not a fan of the idea that some Acephobic humans are also possibly Toxic-Hypersexual.......wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not the only one who ain’t a fan of the thought of some Acephobic humans being that way.

anyway I’m going to go watch some shows I like, and maybe even a movie...

and hope some can understand where I’m coming from, about the whole wondering about if I might be Demisexual and then there is the whole wondering if some Acephobic humans might be Toxic-Hypersexual...

which I guess they shouldn’t be confused for the Non-Toxic ones, but it might still be important to tell them apart and not confuse them, that’s why the ones who are Acephobic are called the Toxic-Hypersexual ones...

and I still find there is still something SERIOUSLY wrong with Acephobic humans, I mean there was even a video that talked about some person who thought Ace and Celibacy meant the same thing, and I’m pretty sure the person who the video was talking about, was a Toxic-Religious person...

if it was possible, I would slap that Toxic-Religious person who thinks Ace and Celibacy are the same, right over the back of their head....cause that has got to be the most stupidest and insensitive thing ever.

I can’t remember what the video’s name was, only that it had someone talking about some message that had to do with some person who thought Ace and Celibacy is the same.....but it isn’t, and someone should really slap that Toxic-Religious person over the head, maybe not too hard, but just enough to slap the stupid out of there....

well hopefully they will learn that mixing those two as being the same, is incorrect and stupid, even some people who are possibly Acephobic, wouldn’t do that kind of thing, even with their stupid beef with those who are Ace...

I still wouldn’t mind having a shirt that says “being h*rny shouldn’t be mandatory so stop shaming me for being Ace.” but instead of the word Ace, it has a drawing of a Spade in it, but with the colors of the Asexual Flag on the Spade.

there being a shirt like that, would be a dream come true for me, since the idea did pop into my head, and I would love to see that...

also I hope there is no misunderstandings, and hope some can understand why I would start to question if I might be demisexual or not, and even my talking about my viewing most Acephobic humans as being Toxic-Hypersexual.

even if it might turn out that not all Acephobic people are Toxic-Hypersexual, there is still a good chance that some percent of them are that way.

[aroaceconfessions]

TL;DR I think people feel too entitled to stranger’s specific attractions and feelings and labels when really, it’s none of their business.

I must admit I’m tired of labels. I love being aro, I love our flag, but I wish I could just live my life without having to clarify to others my specific degree of attraction as if it’s their business at all. I’m so tired of having to work to be seen as a normal person! I just want to live my life without being disrespected for… literally nothing. For my feelings, how I describe attraction.

A while ago I saw an ask on this blog that was weirdly controversial (the one about how somebody didn’t understand why people were comfortable with sexual fantasies, and everyone in the replies was calling them puritanical and thought-policing) and it made me realize that I’m just tired of this. If nobody cared about sexuality this wouldn’t even be a problem. Like yeah, some people get sex fantasies, yeah some other people don’t like those. Personally I don’t fully understand sex or attraction or how it is in any way connected to romance (for some reason I just cannot fathom the idea that romantic love can lead to sex? Idk) but that’s my brain and how it works, that’s fine, who cares.

What I mean is of course there’s going to be ace people who think that sexual fantasies are really weird or gross. Like duh, that literally is not a natural thing for them to experience, and if they also lack empathy (I mean textbook definition ability-to-put-yourself-in-others-shoes empathy, not compassion or sympathy) they will struggle to understand how it is just a natural thing for others! And that’s fine! That’s in their brain, that’s how it works up there, as long as they aren’t going around telling people they’re disgusting freaks for attraction or just being mean about it then it really doesn’t matter. And it goes the same for people who do experience attraction, like of course they aren’t going to understand not experiencing attraction because they just do and that’s just how it is.

I’m just tired of the labels, I feel like if we never had these in the first place, if everyone was a little more respectful, we wouldn’t have this issue. I just don’t get why some people don’t understand that what goes on in another person’s head is not your business, positively or negatively! You really don’t need to know what’s going on up there and that’s okay. Attractions of all sorts exist and really, I think it’s difficult for them to fit into just one box (see: “it’s a spectrum”). Labels are great sometimes for finding community and people who share an experience, but at some point they just get so restrictive, like people start saying that every ace person needs to be one way and every bi person needs to be this way and lesbians have to be that way and it’s just. Exhausting. I’m tired of having a long list of names for my attractions and non-attractions, I literally just want to live without having to tell people that I’m aromantic in order for them to not hit on me.

Sorry if this was rambly, it’s almost 3 am and I’m exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hope it was coherent.

[spritesaavy]

This is an Asexuality PSA

Because a lot of people think asexuals are just people who doesn’t like sex and will under no circumstances have sex in their lives ever. And for some people this is the case! And that’s totally valid! But asexuality is a broad spectrum and it doesn’t work exactly like that for everyone. So here are some points to hopefully dismantle some of the most common preconceptions of the ace community :)

Asexuals can like sex!!!!

The defining factor of being asexual is not having sexual attraction towards people. This is when you look at a person and find them attractive in such a way that makes you desire to have sex with them. This is different to aesthetic attraction, where you find someone/something aesthetically pleasing in the way you might find a flower pretty, not in a sexual way. ASEXUALS CAN STILL HAVE SEXUAL DESIRE. It is not the same as sexual attraction. There can be asexuals with high libidos and asexuals who actively seek out sexual relations (sex favorable), there are some who are indifferent with or without sex (sex indifferent), and some who can sometimes hardly even think of sex without feeling disgusted and would never have it (sex repulsed). 

2. There is no way to “look” asexual. 

This should go without saying, but asexuals can wear whatever they want. If asexuals feel comfortable and confident in more revealing clothing, then there’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t invalidate their identity. An asexual person owning their sexuality and showing off their body is their choice and completely okay. They don’t owe you a certain way of dressing. Outfits do not equal consent. Revealing clothing is not inherently sexual.  

3. Ace people are a valid part of the LGBTQ+ community 🏳️‍🌈 

I have seen a lot of people try to exclude ace people, specifically cishet aces, from the lgbt community. First of all, the A in LGBTQIA+ includes asexuals. (And agender people and aromatics) The LGBT community is supposed to be a safe space for people who do not fit the norms of heteronormative society, and this should include ace and aro people, because we are minorities in a world that expects everyone to get a partner or pressures people to have sex. People seem to act like we need these things to feel whole, or be human, or have fulfilling lives. Allosexuals (non-ace people) make up 99% or more of the population. Because we live in a world where romance and sex are so pushed upon people and anyone not fitting into their idea of an ideal relationship are seen as undesirable or secretly miserable, asexuals can be hate crimed and discriminated against, just like gay or trans people. And we not only have to face aphobia from the cishet allo people, we also face it from inside the lgbt community when we are told we are not included. 

4. Asexual and Aromantic are not the same identity. 

Having sexual attraction and having romantic feelings exist on different spectrums and are not entertwined. Just because someone is asexual, doesn’t mean they don’t want a romantic relationship, and conversely just because someone is aromantic doesn’t mean they don’t want sex/feel sexual attraction. Some people are both asexual and aromantic, and some are one or the other. Both of these are real and valid options. 

5. Asexuality is a spectrum, and there are many varying identities under this umbrella label. 

Everyone can have differing levels of sexual attraction. For example, apothisexuals are sex repulsed and feel no sexual attraction, whereas demisexuals can feel sexual attraction if they form a strong bond or connection with someone, and greysexuals can also sometimes experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances. Cupiosexuals don’t feel sexual attraction but still desire sexual relationships. I’d recommend looking into some more of the ace spec micro labels if you’re interested, they’re really fascinating. 

6. Yes, people in real life do look at other people and think about wanting to have sex with them. 

If you’re reading this and thinking “Well, no one actually thinks like that right? No one actually feels sexual attraction, it’s just over-exaggerated when you’re talking to your friends or in the media like embellishing a story,” boy have I got some news for you. This is basically how I realized I was on the asexual spectrum. I genuinely didn’t think people could experience sexual attraction, and I didn’t get it when anyone would be telling me about it. If you resonated with any of this, you should do some research into asexuality, it could help you figure it out <3

That’s all for now, thanks for coming to my TED talk - Sprite

(Seriously if you read all the way through this I’m sending you a virtual hug 🫂 you’re awesome and I hope you’re having a wonderful day :D)

[changlingrune]

I had that time to thankfully explore my sexuality relatively safely my friends. my pearents at first where a complete other story but they grew to except me for who I am … mostly.

when I was younger I thought I might be bisexual because I didn’t have a preference I was like eh I must be this. I dated both a guy and girl during this time but it felt meh.

Then I heard about pansexual and thought huh maybe I’m this.

But when I dated further I felt no sexual drive no romantic drive (I didn’t know the terms at the time) I honestly thought I was broken for some reason. I had many friends who were in relationships and were love dovey kissing making out and I’m just like ehhhh??

My last relationship was with a lovely dude in college he was my first snog and I felt mildly disgusted afterwards and okay it probably would have been better if I didn’t get a mouth of his spit in my mouth but it had highlighted the fact i didn’t like anything sexual.

I was 17 when I first found the word asexual and all I could think was I’m not broken and then while searching that I came across aromantic and went yes this is me! Turns out I’m on the border of sex neutral/sex repulsed

I finally figured out what I was and turns out my two of my other friends were ace as well which was wonderful intill i tried to tell my parents.

Now my parents had excepted my “attraction to other genders” after a while my dad being Christian and very set in his views and my mum very old fashioned it took a while but they got there but when I told them I was ace and aromantic I don’t think they understood my mum tells me it’s a phase and that I just need to find the right man or woman for me hell she’s more accepting if I was trans more then being ace and aro it’s kinda funny cause I’ve come out as Agender and she doesn’t get it actually and I’m just ehhhhh.

But yeah I’m really glossing over most of the stuff but what I’m trying to say is yeah even some other people I’ve worked with and other people I’ve known for years have turned around and gone that’s not a real thing you can’t not be attracted to people and try to catch me out.

Like do you think this persons hot and I’m like sure they are aesthetically pleasing and their like ha caught u out and I’m like no because it’s the same thing at looking at a painting and going oh it’s beautiful.

Or the fact I’ve had people ask me quite readily what do I do sex wise and ask if I get horny and I’m like *sigh* yes I have a high libido I get horny and they started asking intrusive questions about it and what do I do about it (this conversation happened at work but I work at a large bar and they did this just after the dinner rush so there were a few people in and they were loud so I got a lot of stares )

It two of the regulars they had originally asked for just definitions of all the types of sexuality but then asked about mine so trying to spread ace and aro knowledge let them ask and then it got very pointed they are two older mean one I know as is pervert but generally okay the other one is usually realy nice but it was the perverted one who respecters my boundaries telling the other one to shut up when he got intrusive. it got to the point I had to ask one of them to leave for the night as he was starting to get really intrusive and personal and I was getting really uncomfortable.

But yeah shits real fucked up

Its so fucked up that the ace community experienced so much (and I don't use this lightly) trauma at the hands of other lgbt people and no one fucking addresses it

[royalswille]

The way asexuality isn’t understood even in the LGBTQ+ community itself is actually sickening to me.

Earlier today I was having a conversation with three of my classmates (one straight boy, one lesbian, and one bisexual boy). We were talking about being queer and the bi boy brought up asexuality. He said, “That’s when I think it’s gone too far, that’s not normal. Humans naturally want to reproduce, if you don’t want to have sex then there’s something wrong with you.”

I’m asexual but I’m also closeted at school and at home so the only reason I didn’t dispute this at the time was because I didn’t want to raise suspicions by knowing about asexuality. But it was so frustrating because they simply don’t understand what asexuality is. It isn’t always not wanting to have sex, it’s a spectrum. It’s when you don’t feel sexual attraction, not when you don’t feel sexual desire - they’re different things. None of them made any mention of the different places you can be on the spectrum (e.g. sex repulsed, sex neutral, sex favourable, sex ambivalent) and when talking about things such as being demisexual or demiromantic they were dismissive and mocking of the whole idea.

They literally called asexuality a disorder and laughed about it.

Also, his argument about humans naturally needing to reproduce doesn’t even work. He himself is bisexual - his attraction to other guys isn’t going to enable reproduction, so surely by his logic that’s “unnatural” too. And the other girl involved is a lesbian - she and her girlfriend wouldn’t be able to reproduce if they have sex either, so again if we use his logic it’s “unnatural” and “a problem��. But nobody would say that, would they? Nobody who supports LGBTQ+ people would say that their same-sex attraction makes them unnatural because it isn’t true. It’s perfectly natural to be attracted to the same sex. I see no reason that shouldn’t extend to ace people who don’t want to have sex. It is perfectly natural to be sexually attracted to no one at all and to have no sexual desire. Why should this part of our community be excluded and told we have problems for something that doesn’t even make sense?

And what does he mean by “gone too far”? Is it too far to want to be yourself? Is it too far to simply not have sex? Is it too far to express yourself and use your body in a way that makes you feel comfortable? Tell me, why is our basic right to be ourselves taking it too far? Sex is so ingrained in our culture and society that the idea of not doing it is so foreign to some people that they think it’s too far. That is truly disgusting. It isn’t going too far just because you don’t want to have sex. If we are actively being denied this freedom, if we are being judged based on whether or not we choose to share our bodies with other people, then we really need to re-evaluate what the main priorities in our society are.

There’s so much more I could say about this but it hurt having to hear it and it hurts recalling the conversation so I’m going to leave it for a bit. In conclusion, asexuality is unacceptably misunderstood even within the queer community. It isn’t talked about enough in media or in schools so people come away with a flawed understanding of the spectrum and what it actually means to be ace. Not wanting to have sex doesn’t mean you have a problem or something wrong with your brain. People need to be educated about this sort of thing before they spread misinformation and hate.

[write-like-you-mean-it]

Kinks Each Nekoma and Fukurodani Member has

Due to the great reaction from my Karasuno and Aoba Johsai, I have done Nekoma and Fukurodani. I have included the most prominent the boy volleyball players in this. I hope you enjoy what kinks each of them have. I tried to have some variety. Tell me your your head cannons! If you have any suggestions, feel free to message me. Reblog and like if you enjoy please!!

Nekoma

Tetsuro Kuroo: Rigger

Nothing is prettier in the eyes of Kuroo than you wrapped in red rope that rarely stays hidden for long when you two are home alone. 

He’ll spend as long as needed to get you into the position. If you complain or tell him he’s taking too long, it’ll only make him spend more time dedicated to his craft. 

Kuroo loves seeing rope burns on your skin. Of course he’ll take care of them when he’s not filling up every inch of your pussy.

When you don’t listen to his commands, he’ll pull on the closest rope and stop the movement of his hips. 

“I’ll need you to tell me that you’re sorry before I let you go, beautiful.” One apology is never enough. He’ll wait until you’re crying for him to move before he’ll even think about giving into your desire. Then he’ll punish you with the most brutal speed possible. 

Morisuke Yaku: Degradation/brat 

Yaku’s sarcasm led its way into the bedroom as soon as you allowed him to see you naked

.He loves his significant other to fight against what he commands in hopes he can call you “a disgusting slut who wants his cock a little too much.”

He’ll wait until your pussy is clenching at the thought of his cock entering you even before he’s gotten a chance to touch you.

 If you end up fighting back, he’ll take that time to degrade you even more while waiting until you apologize. 

If you get him to bottom, he’ll be a brat right back. He doesn’t beg for your pussy to slide all the way down unless you’ve been teasing him the same way he’s done to you.  

Taketora Yamamoto: Oral

Yamamoto loves being held in between the thighs of his significant other. The pressure of your legs tightening around his head drives him insane. 

He has waited his entire life to be close enough to see your perfect pussy that a few times he’s cum by listening to your moans and hands. He’ll make sure not to waste a single drop your body gives you. 

Yamamoto knows how to use his fingers as much as his tongue. Once you’ve been prepped, two fingers will easily slip in to try and find your g-spot. He’ll find it with ease as your body has always been his roadmap.

He can spend hours dedicated to making you feel good but once his lips leave your body, he’ll want to push you until you break.

Kenma Kozume: Voice Control/Voyeurism

I do think he’s ace however I’ll describe his sex life

Kenma loves to hear you cry out his name as you’re bouncing on his cock in his gaming chair. However, he also enjoys you not having the ability to make noise more.

 He’ll put his gaming headset on you and unmute his discord. Making sure to whisper in your ear “you wouldn’t want anyone to hear your moans.”

 He’ll take his time with each thrust in you just to drag out every whine, moan, and cry that comes out of your mouth. 

There’s been a few times where you’ve almost been caught as Kenma was being extra spicy and moved faster than the rhyme he created which caused you to cry out his name directly into the microphone. 

The other end of the line seemed confused as they thought it was Kenma on the headset but your voice was clearly heard. He took the mic from you and said he had other business to attend to before quickly shutting off the game. 

Let’s say that you may not be able to walk properly the next day because a good kitten needs punishment. 

Lev Haiba: Size Kink

Because Lev is so tall, he wants a significant other he can thrown onto the bed and fuck the living daylights out of. Anyone is shrunken by the absolute giant of a man. 

He loves bending you over any surface and ripping off your pants. He is an impatient child when it comes to sex. 

He uses his size to grab the headboard to add more force to his thrusts anytime you are in doggystyle. He’ll have your head buried in the mattress because you know you’re not walking out of the bedroom without your back hurting in the morning. 

Lev enjoys picking you up and pushing you against the wall for sex. Anything that will show who's actually in control of the bedroom.

Fukurodani

Kotaro Bokuto: Stomach bulge

Bokuto is huge. And I mean extremely huge to the point you’ve had a bruised cervix before. 

He gets energetic whenever you’ll have sex with him. He’ll walk around begging throughout the days he really needs a release.  If he gets too horny, he’ll send you a perfectly pictured nude of him in the mirror at practice. 

One of the first times you guy had sex, he moved his hand to settle your hips as he slowly gave you every single inch. His hand met to your stomach and could feel his own dick bulging out of your stomach.

Ever since that day, he loves placing his hand against your stomach to feel himself as he sets an unmatchable pace with his hips. 

“Baby, don’t you feel how much I fill you up. I can feel myself outside. I must be fucking you good.” All of this is said while pleasure-filled tears roll down your cheeks.  

Keiji Akaashi: Creampie/ Cockwarming

Akaashi claims his property well. He rarely will cum anywhere else but as deep inside you as possible. 

He’ll take extra care to get you off first before he chases his own orgasm because he’ll want to watch every burst of cum to be buried so deep that it may never actually be seen again. 

His favorite moment is when he feels your pussy flutter around him begging for more. Your trembles and cries only lead to another round so he can fill you up even more. 

Sometimes Akaashi will want to keep his dick warm from your body heat. He’ll pull you in to cuddle only for you to notice he’s still deep inside. “I’m only telling anyone else that may see you that you are mine and only mine, sweetheart.”

Even when you try to stand up to get dressed or go use the restroom, he’ll drag you back to the comfort of his arms and cock. 

Haikyuu Masterlist

Haikyuu Coffee Shop Au

Tag List: @immxnty

[a-roguish-gambit]

For an ace persons ace character perspective on sex, I like to think of it sort of like cravings. Like say you’re a person who doesn’t like Mexican food normally. Normally it disgusts you. There’s too much cheese. There’s too much grease but some days you really like the cheese and you really like all that saltiness and the spice. So normally you’re not one for something very traditional even when you do have cravings you’ll just get some thing from a specific place you know you can trust to make it the way you like (a stand in for a trusted intimate partner) or make it your way cause you only like it one way (stand in for self pleasuring) but some people need the atmosphere the tradition all that stuff to make eating Mexican food worth it,  this would be a stand-in for a sex favorable ace that enjoys sleeping with strangers people.  Plain Mexican food will never do it. They need something extra. I.e. kink aspects.

 The big thing about being ace is that it’s not the human body that turns someone on it’s other aspects. Body parts can be a turnoff for some ace people the same way as a straight man seeing another man naked can be, but some ace people can at least feel normal enough around genitalia that it doesn’t bother them that way and so they’re able to enjoy sexual intercourse regardless, so long as they’re in the mood for it and when I mean in the mood think about the cravings idea again. Some can still get aroused through kink as well as that’s not usually a visual medium, but focuses on sensation and sound and other senses it’s complicated and different for every person and some are totally sex repulsed and some only realize they are ace because someone points out that sexual attraction means being attracted to bodies and physical form not about libido i.e. the cravings. Both are ok, as is everything in between.

I think the biggest thing about writing an ace character would be a focus on the character not seeing what the big deal is for certain heterosexual issues and that’s part white gambit gets head cannon as ace particularly recently. He does not care that he can’t physically touch, rogue he cares that he can love her regardless. For a lot of men who are not ace, this would be a dealbreaker, even if they truly love the woman because their sexual attraction would create a form of longing that makes them feel like they need to interact with them in such a way and us there would be a lot of emotional pain and turmoil there. ace people can still have physical needs, but it’s not going to be activated just by looking at someone outside of maybe a desire to hug them or kiss them.

I hope this helps?

I want to clarify this is just one ace perspective on it and I’m a very sex favorable ace

Ngl I like running with the asexual Gambit headcanon mostly because the reblogs on that one post headcanoning him as ace looked like “NOOOOO GAMBIT WOULDNT BE ACE ! HE IS A SEX FIEND ! A FUCKBOY ! HE WANTS TO FUCK ROGUE ! HE CANT LIVE WITHOUT SEX RAGH RAGH RAGHHHH ! HE NEEDS TO HAVE SEXXXXXXX !”

And that shit left the dirtiest taste in my mouth because there’s no way or reason why yall should be acting like this over a headcanon and not only that but yall are making Gambit sound like a sex pest nympho.

[shyficwriter]

You're Not Broken, Ya Hear Me?

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Yondu x Reader, guest starring Peter and other Ravagers

Summary: Based off a prompt from my friend @giulscomix where Reader is coming up on a rite of passage involving having her first sexual experience and is very nervous because she doesn't wish to partake, because she's just not interested in sex at all. (i.e: Reader is Ace or Demi) She opens up to Yondu about it after he finds her hidden away and crying about it and he helps her with her problem, making her realize she isn't broken. Inspired by and using lines from this scene in Netflix's Sex Education series.

Author’s Note: Fic is SFW. Sex is talked about (obviously), but no sexual scenes occur. This also takes place in an AU where Yondu never broke the code (yet still has Peter, make that make sense lol) and therefore was never exiled from the other Ravager clans. Also, this is a long one, probably should have broken it into chapters, but here we go lol

Word Count: 10,189

The nervousness inside you grew with every passing day. You were almost seventeen- you should be happy about this! Not filled with dread about what turning that particular year would mean. You glanced at the calendar from your bed. Only three days left.

There was a rite of passage that every young man had taken before you, and would take long after you. They all whooted for joy when their time came, but you couldn't find the enthusiasm to do so, although you did your best to fake it. And as the day grew closer, the more you had to fake it.

Maybe it was because you were the only female Ravager on Yondu's team? Or maybe that had nothing to do with it. Maybe you were just... broken? Why couldn't you just be excited about this like everyone else? That thought made your chest ache as you pulled on your boots.

You didn't want to do it, this stupid rite of passage. No, it wasn't exactly like you'd be forced into a room until you "did the deed," However, you knew to refuse would be to cement your reputation as a lame prude who wouldn't know fun if it crawled up her ass. But still, you really didn't want to.

After all, who would want their first time to just be some random fuck for the sole purpose of "Becoming a man/woman" and an "official part of the crew."? Yes, you wanted more than anything to be accepted, like Peter or the others, but you wanted your first time to be with someone you loved and cared for. Now, this isn't to say that you weren't currently a respected member of the crew, but things were just... different. You knew things would change if the others knew you didn't want to go through with it. You'd be less "one of the guys" and more "the chick with the stick up her butt." You didn't want that.

You stood and took a deep breath, readying your facade before leaving your quarters to make your way down to breakfast.

As always, there were many other Ravagers also making their way from the crew quarters down to the mess hall. And, just how it had started happening the closer it got to that dreaded date, you'd encounter someone looking to congratulate you with a clap on the back, saying things like, "Ayy! How many days is it now? Bet ya can't wait, huh?" or more often, high-fives and fist bumps as your crew mates cheered you on for your upcoming "big day."

You took it all in stride, just like every other day. Big smiles, return the high-five, maybe throw in some finger guns, toss in an affirmative and that you "couldn't wait."

But each time you died just a bit inside. How long could you put on this charade? You knew you wouldn't be able to go through with it. What was going to happen then? What would the rest of the crew say when they found out? Normally it wouldn't be such a big deal for so long, when other guys came of age it was usually forgotten by the others after a few days. However, you were going to come of age the very day of the next scheduled shore leave, which was going to happen in just a few days, and for some reason this just bred excitement among your peers and they wouldn't drop it.

You tried to put these thoughts out of your head as you entered the Mess Hall and got your breakfast.

Today you got to eat in relative peace, the attention being taken up by the story Narblik was telling about his last job on an icy planet and how he hadn't been sure he'd make it back when the blizzard hit. It was when you got up to turn in your tray and leave when a few other's started back up again.

Scrote whooped when he saw you stand, crying out a "Get 'em!" at you and someone else shouted back that you were "Gonna be a man!" until someone shouted back at them "She's a girl!" earning an apology and a correction that you were "Gonna be a woman!" that earned some laughter from the others. You knew the laughter wasn't directed at you, they weren't insulting your looks. Some species on the ship just had a hard time getting genders right because the concept of gender just wasn't a thing on their homeworlds.

You passed Horuz and a young green man named Rahi who high-fived you with an "Ayyy!" as was becoming the custom greeting for anyone wanting to congratulate you on it being almost your big day. You returned the greeting. He had just turned 17 three days before along with another young man he often ran around with, and you heard him talking with some others (There were about 5 or 6 of you all either about to turn the big 17 or who recently had since the last shore leave 3 months ago. It was an abnormally large amount of young people coming of age this time around, which you suspected was further reason why some were making such a bigger deal about this upcoming shore leave.) about being excited for shore leave, as that's when they'd be able to 'become men,' aka, would be able to find a whore to screw. Younger crew often had more of the cleaning jobs aboard the Eclector, and unless assigned with an older crew mate, didn't get to go on many away missions where they could try and woo a willing partner, and even then, Yondu liked quick turnarounds on jobs so there wasn't a whole lot off "goof off" time without being reprimanded. There was no real rule about screwing crew mates either, but most avoided it just in case things got weird after. Easier to just bang someone random on shore leave and then get back to work. No muss no fuss.

Horuz teasingly asked if you had any studs picked out yet and you just laughed and said "Ha, one of these lot? You're joking!" as you put your tray away.

You heard Yondu playfully scold the two from a couple tables over, telling them, "Oh, leave the poor girl alone, yer embarrassin' her!" as he laughed. Horuz just shouted back, "Aw now, I didn't even get to tell her about Oblo here's first time!" This was met with Oblo, who was sitting nearby, choking out a "Hey!" and punching Horuz in the arm.

Kraglin laughed now, "I think she's already heard that one! Let's not ruin anyone's meal now."

You shivered. You had heard the story before. It involved a broken member and many stitches. You weren't looking forward to hearing it again. "I'm out!" you say, looking for a way out of this conversation. "Got work to do." With that you turned and started to leave the mess hall.

"That's what I like to hear!" Yondu laughed from behind you. "Some of you lazy gits should start acting like her, don't wanna work unless yer told to." He knew you were just escaping having to hear the story again, but he wasn't going to miss an opportunity to razz up some of his crew.

You finally make your way out of the mess hall and allow your grin to fall. You run a hand over your face, making your way toward the laundry where you had been assigned to repair one of the machines. You were grateful it was both early in the week as well as early in the day as you entered the room. Most of the crew waited until they were completely out of clean clothes to do their washings, which typically resulted in most of the crew crowding the laundry at the end of the week, so you were sure to have at least an hour or three alone to yourself.

You made your way to the back left-hand corner of the room towards the broken machine. It should be an easy fix, the complaint was that it wasn't draining properly, so you figured it was just a clogged drain hose.

Upon opening up the machine you found you were right. it was just a clog. You retrieved a plumbing snake from a nearby supplies trunk and got to work fishing it out. Unfortunately this menial task gave you enough time to dwell on your problems rather than engaging your brain enough to force them into the back of your mind.

You kept thinking the word "broken" over and over. You couldn't get it out of your head how you couldn't bring yourself to just be excited over something everyone else seemed to love.

Your chest tightened. "Broken.. Loser..." Why couldn't you get over it? Why didn't you have these feelings like all the others?

You latched onto the clog and worked to pull it out. "

Broken..." Why was this so hard? "Broken... Stupid... Wrong..." What was wrong with you? "Stupid... Broken..." Why couldn't you just be like everyone else?!

With that last thought you pulled the clog out with an audible "Pop!" that almost made you fly backwards. You looked at it in disgust and dropped it into the nearby trashcan before re-attaching the hose and sliding down to the floor. No one was going to show up to the laundry this early, might as well take advantage of this time to wallow in your own misery.

That's what you told yourself at least. In truth you could feel tears burning your eyes and didn't want anyone to see you cry. Better to let it happen alone than risk another crew mate seeing you and thinking you were weak.

What you didn't know was that Yondu was also well aware of his Ravager crew's laundry habits, and took advantage of the empty communal laundry room at the beginning of the week to wash his own laundry undisturbed. He made his way down after breakfast, actually having forgotten he had assigned you to fix one of the machines, and was therefore quite surprised to walk in on you sat in the corner crying.

"What d'we have here?" he asked, more puzzled than anything. He never once seen you cry, which now that he thought about it was rather surprising. He saw grown men cry at least twice a week, most of them Peter, but still. He tried to cover up any concern with humor. "Did Halfnut leave his dirty drawers in the machine again? Smell's bad enough to make anyone cry."

You had been startled when he first walked in and you were currently trying to quickly straighten yourself up. "Nothing. Sorry Captain." you said, not looking him in the eye as you bent down to pick up the plumbing snake. "Nearly done here." you say, unable to hide a sniffle.

Yondu plopped his laundry basket on one of the long steel tables running up the middle of the room and sighed, turning to walk towards the door.

You look up in surprise as you heard the lock engage.

He looked at you, arms crossed, and said, "Ya really think I'm gonna buy that? Yer not leaving here until ya spill it. Now what's wrong? Somebody bein' mean to ya? Yer feminine-ly cycle -or whatever it's called- hurtin' ya again?"

You blushed and gave him a sharp look before placing the plumbing snake back where you found it.

Yondu rolled his eyes as he moved his basket over to a machine and tossed his clothes in. "Fine, be that way. But I meant what I said. Ya ain't leavin' til we sort it out. Might as well talk or it's gonna get mighty borin' in here." He turned on the machine and hoisted himself up to sit on the table, patting the space beside him.

You begrudgingly approach, not meeting his eyes, and lifted yourself up to sit down on the table.

"Now what's wrong?" he said again.

You fix your gaze on your lap and sigh. "You're just gonna make fun of me." You say sadly.

Yondu smirks. "Maybe. Still wanna hear it though." Upon seeing your face fall further he elbowed you and said, "I'm jus' kiddin'! What's the long face?"

Your eyes remain down and you quietly say, "I... don't wanna do it."

Yondu raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"I don't wanna do it." you repeat.

"Ya dun wanna do... what?" he asks in confusion. He at first assumed maybe you didn't want to do your assigned morning task of fixing the machine, but it seemed like you had already finished it, so he had no idea what you could possibly mean to even begin to be angry for any disobeyed orders. Also, he doubted he found you crying over something as silly as not wanting to fix a washing machine.

"It," you say, "You know, IT." you make a crude gesture with your fingers, forming a circle in one hand with your thumb and index finger and inserting the index finger of your other hand in and out of it, to hopefully get the point across.

Yondu's eyes widen a bit. "Oh!" he says in surprise, before continuing in confusion, "I don't get it? Ya seemed just as excited as could be a bit ago?"

"I've been faking it. Don't want the others to make fun of me."

"Come now! They won't ma-"

He's cut off by you giving him another sharp look. He looks forward again and nods, sighing, "Yeah, yer right. They will."

The two of you were quiet for a couple moments before Yondu awkwardly broke the silence. "Ya mind if I ask why? Like are ya scared or somethin'?" he looks at you with a raised eyebrow, slight concern painting his features.

He remembered his first time. As a battle-slave he didn't exactly see much action; the Kree weren't exactly fond of the idea of their battle-slaves reproducing or having any fun; and by the time Stakar freed him he was in his twenties. It was shortly after when with some other young Ravagers that the subject came up and he admitted he had never done it, only for his mates to excitedly cheer that they were taking him with them on shore leave so he could "become a man." He had been nervous, though he never expressed it out loud, not wanting to appear weak. He knew they meant well, but screwing a random whore just to fit-in and say he had wasn't something he had exactly been looking forward to, however peer pressure had encouraged him to go through with it. It wasn't too bad, he realized, but even knowing that he himself had come to enjoy the act, he always remembered the knot in his stomach leading up to his first time, and hearing you say that you might be scared of doing it made a similar knot form, only higher in his chest and feeling more like... pity? No, that wasn't quite it. Empathy? Yes, that was probably more accurate. Damn sentiment.

"It's not anything like that... it's just... I don't feel anything like that. I'm not even sure I'd know what that feeling is. It's just not there. I'm not scared, or even disgusted, I just feel... nothing."

"I'm not sure I follow..." Yondu said honestly. He supposed you feeling nothing was better than you being scared, but he still didn't quite understand.

"Ok, like, imagine you're surrounded by a feast, with everything you could ever want to eat, but you're not hungry. That's how I feel. I just don't want any of it," you said. Your voice cracked as you continued, "...and it's just so frustrating. Everyone else gets to be normal, while I just don't feel... anything. I don't want to do it-with anyone. When I think about it I feel nothing- it's like I'm broken." You covered your mouth, still not meeting Yondu's gaze as you tried to hold back frustrated tears.

Hearing you say that you thought you were broken tore at Yondu's heart. He wrapped an arm around you tightly and said in a firm voice, "Ya listen here. Yer not broken. I don't wanna hear that again. Look here."

You reluctantly do as he asks.

"Yer not broken," he said again, his face stern. "Sex doesn't make a person whole, so how could ya ever be broken, girl?"

You inhaled sharply as fresh tears pricked at your eyes. You hadn't realized until then that that was exactly what you needed to hear. You quickly wrap your arms around him, burying your face in his chest to hide your tears.

Taken aback at he sudden gesture, Yondu patted you on the back comfortingly and returned the hug. Good thing he locked the door. He doubted that any of his crew would be bothered to wash their clothes this early, but still, it would halt the possibility of new rumors that he was "going soft on the Terrans." He honestly wasn't sure he'd sleep tonight if he had to scold you for crying to save face with his crew right now.

You pulled back almost as soon as you went in, straightening up and quickly wiping your eyes.

"Feel better?"

You nodded.

Yondu sighed, "What to do now..." he said thoughtfully. "Ya know, I never actually liked this whole 'rite of passage' thing, to be fully honest. Crew just gets too wound up. Yer not the first to have reservations 'bout it. Handful of lads have come to me over the years, confiding that they were nervous, but scared of being bullied by the rest of the crew if they didn't go through with it. I suspect there might have been more, but were too scared of lookin' weak to tell their captain. I guess I can understand that."

Surprised by this honesty, you asked, "What did they do?"

"Faked it. They'd go on shore leave, pay a whore to put on a good loud show, yelling and banging on the walls 'n stuff, then lap up the congratulations of the rest of the crew for 'becoming a man.'"

You were further surprised that any of the the crew would have been that open with their captain to admit faking it. "Really?" you ask. "They told you about it after?"

"Who d'ya think told 'em to do it?" Yondu said, huffing a laugh out his nose.

That makes you smile, though you aren't quite sure why. After a moment of thought you say, "If you don't like the whole thing, why don't you stop it?"

Yondu sighed. "I don't think I could if I tried. It's widespread over all 100 Ravager factions. Doubt it do well to tell one faction they couldn't participate. Enough of them look forward to it they'd probably riot." Yondu laughed sardonically. "Not that I haven't thought about trying to steer the culture around it in a different direction. I can tell some of my older crew have the same thoughts, even if they won't admit it."

"How do you know if they never said?" you asked.

"The way they keep passing off horror stories as funny tales to the younger crew. Or did ya miss the story about how Vorker-"

"Nope! Heard it!" you cut him off suddenly. "I remember! I don't need to hear it again, please!" You held up your hands almost as if defending yourself from hearing it again, eyes wide. You most definitely did not need to hear a retelling of the time Vorker caught something very nasty off a girl he met on a job and the details that came with it. There were some rumors that it was how he really lost his eye, but you weren't sure of the truth behind those claims.

Yondu chuckled, patting you on the back. His expression changed when he said. "That's prob'ly what ya should do."

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"Fake it, I mean." he clarified. "Ya should wait til ya want to do it, with someone ya want, if that should ever happen. Not just go through with it to fulfill some dumbass rite of passage." He stared off into the space in front of him. "I can't really see another way to go 'bout it." he admitted. "If I called out for a change among the crew now they'd no doubt see the connection, think I was going soft 'cause yer the only girl here, and then it'd blowback on you. I ain't gonna let that happen." He gave you a look that you understood without him having to explain further. He actually cared about you, in a way similar to how he cared for Peter. He didn't want to see you hurt or bullied over something stupid like this.

You nodded in understanding, returning your gaze to the floor.

"Next shore leave is in a few days. I'll take care of it." Yondu said, his words surprising you.

"What?"

"Consider it a gift." he said, lightly punching you in the arm as he said, "Don't say I never gave ya anythin'."

"I don't understand?" you say, lightly laughing in confusion.

Yondu dramatically rolled his eyes and said, "Guess I gotta spell it out fer ya... I'll arrange for a "fake visit" from a nice whore-bot for ya. It actually costs more for them to fake it, if ya can believe it."

You stared at him, speechless. "I- thank you?" you finally say, blushing. You give him another quick hug.

"Ya, don't get used to it." he replied in his usual gruff fashion when you released him, but you knew better. The old softie.

Just then the machine buzzed, alerting that Yondu's clothes were finished washing. He stood from the table to switch them into a nearby dryer. Once done he turned back to face you. "Well, ya probably got other duties ya need to get to. Better get on 'em."

You smiled, giving him a mock-reluctant, "Yeah," before following him to the door.

You weren't expecting what happened next.

Yondu opened the door and exited, you following out behind. The hallway was no longer empty, and you heard the same young man from earlier, Rahi, call out from a group of two other Ravagers, "Ow Ow! Looks like she finally lost it to the Captain!"

No doubt he thought he was being funny, but he really, really, shouldn't have done that.

Yondu's whistle pierced the air, his arrow quickly finding its way to rest against Rahi's throat. "Ya wanna try that again?" Yondu growled.

Rahi couldn't find any words, just babbled out incoherent nonsense as he nearly shit his pants. The other two Ravagers in the group weren't laughing, just cowering with their friend afraid they'd be next once Yondu finished with him. Other crew mates standing within the hall also stopped to stare in stunned silence.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't run my arrow through ya for speakin' to yer captain like that? Even worse offense for implying I'd screw around with a child." Yondu's eyes were dark and full of rage. Even you were a bit frightened, enough to almost let the child comment slide, and you weren't even the target.

"Dude! He's so old! Ew!" you shout over to the terrified young Ravager, hoping to help the situation by making it clear that nothing like that was ever going to be a thing. And, if you were to be honest, slight payback for Yondu calling you a child.

Yondu whipped his head around to you, and you caught a momentary expression of "You little shit!" before he said, "And don't ya forget it!"

He turned back to Rahi. "I'm waiting." he said, still glowering and crossing his arms expectantly.

Rahi was still busy freaking out. It looked like he was about to cry. He eventually managed to squeak out a, "I'm sorry!" among his pleas for Yondu not to kill him.

Yondu called back his arrow. "That's what I thought. For yer smart mouth you and the other two there are gonna wash the outside of the Eclector, and yer all gonna keep at it until the whole ship's clean." With a smug smile he added. "Guess yer all gonna miss out on shore leave."

This obviously didn't go over well with Rahi's friends, who were now glaring and smacking him at the back of his green head. The next shore leave after the upcoming one wouldn't happen for another 3 months.

"Ya heard me. Git going. And yer still all responsible fer yer other duties too." Yondu added.

The three young men begrudgingly started making their way past when Yondu stopped them again with an, "Ah, Ah, Ah." making them turn back, dreading what else he might have to add.

"I think ya better apologize to this young lady too, for thinking she'd want her first time to be with someone so old." He looked at you pointedly as he said this and you squinted back at him, a nervous giggle escaping your throat as you rubbed the back of your head. Shouldn't have spoke up and called your captain old, now he was going to have to make an example of you as well for mouthing off. "Yer gonna be cleaning out the brig for that one, missy." he said, loud enough for everyone else to hear. Had to make it look good, after all.

Rahi muttered out an apology before scurrying away with his now very irritated mates, but not before Yondu cried out after him with a, "I'm startin' to think some of ya are gettin' a lil' too wound up about this lil' rite of passage among ya young-ins. It'd sure be a shame if you were the reason I decided to put an end to it." He said this with a thick veil of warning. It was a threat, and one you hadn't expected to hear after the conversation you just had with him.

It was clear that no one else in hallway had expected to hear this from their captain either. Looks of shock were exchanged among the Ravagers in the hallway. Rahi and his buddies' eyes all widened in shock when his words finally sunk in and their scurry turned into a sprint to get away before they could make things even worse. That comment Rahi made had apparently pissed the captain off bad.

"What the rest of ya staring at?" Yondu said, startling the rest of the hallway dwelling crew into motion. "I know ya'll got shit to do, get on it!" He looked at you and cocked his head as if to say "Get moving." and you obeyed, making your way toward the brig to complete your extra cleaning duties.

Yondu did his best to hide a smirk as he made his way down to his quarters. He knew rumors would start spreading like wildfire about Rahi nearly causing Yondu to put an end to the rite of passage after that display. It was bound to piss more than a few of the younger crew off. He didn't care much for the lazy shit anyway, so it was better the crew think he was the reason for any upcoming changes rather than you, and if it succeeded in helping him end the whole culture around that particular thing, even better. They really did get too wound up about it.

***

The morning of shore leave came and you were nervous as hell. Yondu had pulled you aside the night before to let you know he had taken care of what he promised, and described the whore-bot he paid to help you fake it so you would know which one to accept. Still, even knowing it was taken care of you couldn't help the growing pit of nervousness in your stomach, though you did your best to hide it.

Since clearly the Eclector couldn't dock on the planet, being about a mile and a half long and all, Ravagers on shore leave would pool together on M-ships for the journey to and back, kind of like a funny buddy-system.

As per usual, you pooled in a ship with Yondu, Kraglin, and Peter along with Tullk, Oblo, and Horuz. Yondu and Kraglin sat up front to pilot, Tullk, Oblo and Horuz filled in the middle, while you and Peter got put in the back, as always.

While the older men laughed and carried on in front of you, you felt Peter nudge you in the arm. You looked over to see him looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "You ok?" he asked, having noticed how you were unusually quiet and fidgety.

"Yeah, I'm great." you lied, "Never better."

Peter rolled his eyes with a knowing smile. "Don't give me that. Are ya nervous?" he asked, obviously knowing full well what everyone expected you'd be doing on this shore leave. "You can tell me. I won't tell anyone."

You gave him a look, saying, "No!" before coming clean with a, "Fine. A little." as you turned your gaze down into your lap to fidget with your watch some more.

"It'll be ok," he assured, "I was a little nervous my first time, too," he admitted. Peter was a few years older than you at 20, and it was hard for you to picture him having been nervous about it, seeing as he now seemed to be trying to work his way through every cute girl in the galaxy.

"Really?" you asked, eyeing him skeptically.

"Yeah. I mean, I was still super excited, but I was a little nervous too. Those horror stories the older guys tell us really get to you."

You giggled with him, remembering what Yondu had told you the other day.

Peter continued, "But anyway, you're gonna be fine. But I did want to give you this." He pulled something out of his jacket pocket and handed it to you. It was a condom.

"Peter!" you whisper-shouted, blushing.

"Hey, if you're gonna do it, I wanna know you're being smart about it. Always use protection. Even with the Love-bots. Can't ever be too careful." He held his hand out more insistently.

You blushed harder and accepted the gift, even though you knew you wouldn't be needing it. "Thanks."

"Come on now, don't get all frowny on me. I'm just looking out for you." Peter teased, aiming a few pokes at your ribs, knowing it always got a good giggle or two out of you.

It worked. Giggles escaped your throat as you twisted in your seat and swatted at his hand, "Quit it!" you squeaked, but his mission was accomplished anyway, you were smiling now.

"There we go!" he teased, grinning at you.

"Shush!" you replied, sticking your tongue out at your friend and laughing when he flicked you in the arm for it. Soon enough the two of you were in a slap battle. You weren't really fighting, and neither of you struck with the intent to hurt (well, not much anyway) it was just how the two of you played sometimes. This carried on until you heard Yondu announce that you all had made it to your destination, and then the nervousness started to creep back into your belly.

Peter and you were the last off the ship. Yondu and the other men headed off, leaving the two of you to your own devices with calls to behave yourselves, but "not too much" *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

You almost wished he had stuck around longer, but you knew he had already done his part. It would look weird if he stuck around to hold your hand, so to speak. You look to Peter, wanting to stall just a bit longer. "So, ya hungry?"

"Figured you'd want to get right to business," he teased. He knew you were probably stalling, but decided to go along with it anyway rather than abandon you straight away. You had been here before, but he knew this time was different. This time there was a pressure to do something new, and you had already admitted you were nervous about it.

"Uh, can't do it on an empty stomach," you say, forcing a smile.

He ruffled your hair. "Good point. I'm starving." He suggested you two grab some fries at the nearby bar inside the brothel (the whole place was the brothel, let's be honest) and you followed him.

When you both had finished you tried to think of something else to stall, maybe play some pool? However, you never got the chance, for a whore-bot with green hair and looking to be around your age came over to your table to greet you. It was the one Yondu told you to look for, and it asked if it could "show you a good time." You looked nervously at Peter who shot you a thumbs up while trying not to laugh. You glanced back at the bot and tentatively nodded, which Peter took as a sign to high-tail it out of there, leaving you alone. The bot asked for your ID, as you knew it would, and part of you wished you "forgot" it back on the ship, knowing that the bots were programed to refuse service to anyone under the age of 17 and required ID of younger-looking patrons to prove it.

After scanning your ID, the bot took you by the hand and flirtatiously led you across the room to a set of stairs. You began to hear some cheers as you ascended the stairs behind the bot and you were blushing too hard to even attempt to ham it up for their benefit.

Once in the room the bot turned to you. "I understand this isn't meant to be an ordinary engagement. Mr. Udonta left instructions to only perform counterfeit coitus, correct?"

You blushed and nodded, taken aback by the professionalism of the sex-bot, before wondering if you were being rude by assuming otherwise.

"Have you done this before?"

You shook your head, still blushing.

"It's alright. There's plenty of time to figure it out. I've been booked for three hours."

You sputtered. "Excuse me?!" you cried, trying not to be too loud. "Three-? What are we supp-"

The bot gave a laugh and held up its hand. "Do not worry, Miss. I was paid extra to deliver that joke. Mr. Udonta felt it would be very funny. I've only actually been booked for an hour, the standard amount of time."

You let a sigh of relief. You still felt that an hour was going to drag on, but at least it wasn't flarkin' three. "So, what do we do?"

The bot took your hand again and led you to the large bed in the center of the room. "Lie down here." You looked at the bot nervously and it clarified. "The noises will be more realistic if both our weights are on the bed."

You did as the bot instructed and it climbed over you. "I understand this may be awkward, but I'll ask that you trust the process. I will do this," the bot began to rhythmically rock its body back and forth, each rock ending in its hands hitting the headboard and making it knock into the wall behind it. "and then you can start making moaning sounds, you can repeat after me." The bot then started moan, encouraging you with a gesture of its hand when you were too busy blushing to follow the lead. You did your best to mimic the sounds. "We shall continue like this for 10 minutes, and then rest." the bot instructed, ushering you again with more hand gestures when you paused to give it a puzzled look.

After several minutes the bot prompted you to get louder, and then louder again still a few moments after. You realized it was coaching you to simulate you approaching the climax and you got nervous again, not knowing what to do when "that moment" was meant to happen. The bot read your face and told you to relax, just follow it's lead as it thumped against the wall faster and it moaned louder.

You followed its lead until it told you to make a last few loud "Oh's!" and then it began to slow its thumping before coming to a stop.

Whoops and laughter could be heard from the bar outside the door shortly after, and you blushed harder as the bot crawled off of you. "We will now have a few minutes of rest before beginning another simulation."

You sat up. "So we'll just keep repeating like this until the time's up?" you asked.

"Not quite," answered the bot. "We'll change things up a bit, different positions, different sounds, helps to keep it interesting."

"This seems like a lot of work?" you say.

"Yes, well we're paid to put on a show here. Might as well ensure it's convincing," the bot answered with a shrug and a smile.

You winced as you realized you could hear similar noises you had just faked coming from the rooms next to yours and then more whooping and cheering once they, too, stopped. "The walls are kinda thin in here, huh?" you say awkwardly.

The bot smiled sympathetically, "It seems that way, but not really. Only the louder noises make it out. Normal conversation levels are typically left unheard from outside the rooms, so you're clear to speak freely if that was a concern."

"Good to know," you say. You honestly had been a little concerned about that. "So, do we just sit around then?"

"I could give you a massage, if you'd like."

"That... actually sounds really nice. Sure, thank you." You accept the offer, realizing you could use a little stress reliever. "What's your name, by the way?" you ask, feeling a bit guilty for not having asked the bot's name before then and wondering if you should feel silly about that or not.

"You may call me Finn," the bot answered, not seeming fazed in the slightest. "Would you prefer to remove your clothes or leave them on?" The bot- Finn- motioned for you to turn around to give it access to your back.

"Um, clothes on, please?" you say, reaching for your zipper. "But I'll take off my jacket."

"Alright." The bot said, it's tone not caring in the slightest, and you supposed it very likely didn't care one way or another. It went straight to work, starting slow by gathering your hair and pulling it back and up almost as if it were going to tie your hair in a ponytail, but instead of securing an elastic it just repeated this motion a few more times. It was actually very relaxing, and it made you wish you had someone around to play with your hair more often.

With a final gentle tug the bot moved one hand to your forehead while the other worked at the back of your neck, kneading where the nape of your neck met your skull, making you close your eyes and sigh deeply.

To your delight the bot then threaded its fingers through your hair, scratching gently at your scalp. A soft hum escapes you as you stopped yourself from leaning into to touch out of shyness, and you almost let out a whine when the scratching stopped. However, you were soon soothed by the bot beginning to knead into your neck and shoulders.

You had just barely stopped yourself from moaning once when the bot then pressed into another spot that made it impossible to not make a sound, though you tried. Finn speaks up. "Let yourself relax fully," the bot encouraged. "It's alright to allow yourself to be noisy here, may even work to your benefit under the circumstances."

You giggled slightly and blushed. Finn was right, after all. If there were any time to just let go and relax it would technically be here and now. Before you could think much further Finn had dragged the knuckles of each thumb up each side of your spine with just the right amount of pressure to coax a genuine moan out of you, surprising you as it happened. You had never really realized before just how much stress your work as a Ravager took out on your back. You began to wonder if these Love-bots were also designed to be professional masseuses, because Finn seemed to know exactly what they were doing, and it was amazing.

Finn ended the massage a bit later by working back up your back and working their fingertips back into your hair for a last bit scalp massage.

You were almost disappointed when it ended, but when it was over you turned to look at the Love-bot. "Thank you, that was really nice." you say.

"Anytime." Finn smiled. "We still have twenty minutes left, shall we begin another simulation?"

You sighed. "I suppose. He paid for an hour, might as well act like I'm using it." You smiled, not feeling quite as bitter about the situation anymore after the massage. Finn really did have magic fingers. Or state of the art massage programing. Probably the latter.

"Indeed." Finn answered. "After all, there are no refunds."

You let out a slight chuckle at the bot's bluntness. "Alright, so what now?"

The next simulation involved you both standing on the edge of the bed with the wall to hold your balance as you bounced slightly up and down to make the bed squeak. The bot encouraged your to make similar noises as before, but to also throw out some curses, like, "Oh! Fuck!" It even did the same, occasionally calling out a "Yes! Right there! Oh, yes!" that made you raise an eyebrow. You had to fight from giggling the whole time at the situation. It was pretty funny after all. You were both jumping on the bed like children.

When that simulation had finished you sat down on the bed and looked at Finn. "Do you guys... er...-bots?... feel anything?" you asked, referring to the language the bot had used earlier. "Or are you just supposed to say stuff like that as an act?"

"We don't have nerve endings, and therefore we don't really 'feel things' like you might, but there are certain sensors that can be activated during a session with a client and prompt a correct response. However, as this session is only a simulation, I suppose you can call my dialogue 'acting.'"

You half-grinned when the realization of the bot's words hit you. "Are you saying... you're like a 'sexy' arcade game?" you say, trying not to giggle, before becoming suddenly afraid that might have been offensive. "I mean- obviously you're not a toy- I mean- I didn't mean to offend you."

The bot chuckled. "There's no need to worry. There are certain similarities, one could see how you might draw that conclusion."

You blushed again and attempted to change the subject. "So... what are we going to do with the last simulation?"

"You have a couple options. We can simulate against the door, or we can simulate bending over the bed. We could also simulate oral, but the noises you made during the massage more or less already worked in its favor."

You blushed at that. You already knew the door was out of the question, as you had an admittedly irrational fear that it might pop open as you were faking the deed. "We can try over the bed."

"Very well. This one will require less movement of you, you may remain seated there." Finn said as they stood up and moved to stand with their legs between your own. "This one may also be a bit awkward," the bot warned, "as it requires thrusting into the bed on my part. Ready?"

You nodded hesitantly and the bot began a steady rhythm of motion against the bed, making it creak.

The bot was right. This was more awkward, and you were grateful when it was finally over with about five minutes to spare.

You stood from bed and grabbed your jacket. "Thanks. This wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be." you said truthfully. In fact, you really almost thought you'd come back if for no other reason than to get another back rub.

"You still have five more minutes, is there anything else I can do for you today?"

You smiled shyly and said, "Well, I won't argue if you play with my hair again..."

***

You were of course greeted with congratulatory cheers and high-fives when you exited the room along with the other few crew mates who had recently come of age... and had still been allowed to attend shore leave that is. R.I.P Rahi and his friends. (They hadn't died, but you can bet they were probably really regretting pissing Yondu off.)

A few fellow Ravagers bought you some congratulatory drinks and the rest of the night seemed to fly by.

Eventually you caught back up with Peter and shortly after that Yondu announced it was time to head back, which of course received some disappointed grumbling among the crew. However, nobody argued, knowing it might cost them their next shore leave if they got "fussy like toddlers" as Yondu would say.

You and Peter got back to the ship to find Tullk and Oblo already there waiting. Horuz showed up just after and sighed to see Yondu and Kraglin weren't there yet. Yondu and Kraglin were the only ones with keys to Yondu's M-ship, so you all had to stand outside and converse among yourselves as he took his sweet time getting there.

He was probably just paying the Sneeper woman who owned the place and would be there any minute, but 'any minute' still felt like forever when it was cold.

Eventually he and Kraglin did show up and unlock the ship so you could all get in.

Once inside the ship and mostly everyone had strapped in Kraglin called back to you from the co-pilots seat with tipsy laughter in his voice. "So d'ya have fun? Feel any different? Any horror stories to add to the list?" He looked teasingly at Oblo and Oblo flipped him the bird.

Yondu swatted at him, saying, "Aw, leave the girl alone," but there was also laughter in his scolding, so he wasn't that serious.

You answered anyway. "Ya. Had a blast, Kraglin. Smooth sailing. Just a little sleepy."

This made the other men chuckle, though you weren't entirely sure why, although you could guess.

Yondu piped up. "If she falls asleep Quill's gotta carry her in."

Peter scoffed with a laugh. "Why do I gotta?" he said, before turning to you to add. "You better not fall asleep then."

"Well if you fall asleep I ain't carrying you in! Probably break my back if I tried. You can just stay sleeping in the ship." you laughed back.

"Why you little!" Peter cried out with a grin, aiming to poke you in the ribs, but you dodged him, returning a swat of your own to his arm. And, like on the way over, the two of you were engrossed in another slap battle. The others just let you two carry on, busy with their own conversations and laughing amongst themselves.

Eventually you and Peter did tire yourselves out and Yondu chuckled to the other men when after docking the ship he noticed you had both fallen asleep, curled up in your respective seats. Oblo snapped a picture, cooing, "Aw look! Ain't that precious!"

"Send that to me." Yondu said with a grin. "Might blow it up, hang it in the Mess Hall." This earned a laugh from the others. He looked at Tullk with a grin before exiting the ship. "Ya better wake 'em. I'm sure as hell not carryin' them to bed."

***

The next morning Yondu was alone in his quarters when he decided to call up Stakar.

After a few rings Stakar's face comes up on the screen, and the two men give a Ravager salute in greeting before Stakar asks what's brought Yondu to call him.

"I wanna talk to ya about that whole coming of age and having sex thing."

Stakar raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"

"Younger crew just get too wound up about it. It ain't healthy." Yondu responded.

Stakar still looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Ya know what I mean." Yondu said firmly. "They get all wound up like it's the most important thing in the world, and it's because everyone makes a big old deal outta something silly like that."

"It hasn't been a problem before?" Stakar said thoughtfully. "What's changed? It's that Terran girl isn't it? Of course. She just came of age." Stakar shook his head. "I don't care what you say, you're soft on her and Peter. You can't get attached and let them influence your judgement like that, Yondu."

"No, it ain't like that," Yondu said, trying to cover his ass and continuing before Stakar can interrupt him. "It's got nothin' to do with them. I just can't have my crew bullying their mates just cause they don't wanna fuck yet or lettin' the whole thing get to their heads makin' them all disrespectful-like. Almost had to keel-haul a few boys who suddenly thought they were big enough to start disrespecting their captain over it."

Stakar looked at him suspiciously. "No, we can't have that... What do you propose then? It's not like we can stop them. You tell young people they can't do something, they're only gonna do it more."

"I know that- Look. I'm not sayin' we do away with it entirely. I could care less what they do on shore-leave. But we can maybe make them realize it's not such a big damn deal. Ya know, slow-like. Maybe they'd stop getting so wound-up about it." Yondu said, quickly adding, "If they're less focused on that maybe they'd work harder."

Stakar thought for a bit. Yondu was right, he thought. He had noticed the younger crowd getting a bit wound up about it, and sometimes they did let the excitement get ahead of their duties... "Maybe you're right," he conceded. "If it's affecting their jobs maybe we should try and change the culture around it... I'll talk with some of the other captains and get back to you."

Yondu grinned and nodded. "All I ask."

***

You felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. It was the day after shore-leave and no one had brought up how you "Became a woman" at all. It was as if the previous week's excitement had been completely forgotten, and you couldn't be happier.

You did notice in the following days that Rahi seemed to be getting a bit of flack. He hadn't been particularly well liked before, always trying to push his duties off on other crew mates or blaming others for things he had broken, but now he was practically a pariah. Even his buddies didn't seem to want much to do with him, though that could be because they were still mad that they had been dragged under into his punishment despite not having done anything to deserve it other than be with him at the time.

You almost felt bad for him until Peter explained that along with the 'written' rule that Ravagers don't deal in kids; harming or forming inappropriate relationships with children and teens (i.e: having sexual relations with younger crew) was also a HUGE no-no. Even worse if the offender is someone high-ranking. Rahi, though he just thought he was being funny, had more or less unwittingly falsely accused Yondu of breaking that part of the code with the joke he made, hence why Yondu had been so offended and pissed. Peter was honestly surprised Yondu had let him live after that.

He also added that no one wants to be around someone who thinks it's funny to make those particular jokes. Real accusations of that nature are taken very seriously among Ravager Clans, so if someone is found to just be flippantly saying crap like that, the general feel is that it makes it harder for real victims to be heard, so the crew will tend to shun the offender to make it clear that behavior isn't acceptable. And well, if the offender didn't learn their lesson pretty quick and get back into the good graces of their captain and crew, they'd quickly find themselves to be cannon fodder.

Even Ravagers know there's a line between raunchy and unacceptable.

There may have also been the matter that when Yondu had said "I'm startin' to think some of ya are gettin' a lil' too wound up about this lil' rite of passage among ya young-ins. It'd sure be a shame if you were the reason I decided to put an end to it." much of the crew, after the rumor had gotten twisted up a bit via game of telephone, had taken it to mean that Rahi had almost gotten shore-leave taken away from everyone- forever. And well, that just didn't sit right with a lot of folks. It was a final nail in the coffin, if you will.

However, what you didn't know was about Yondu's conversation with Stakar.

Stakar did go talk to the other captains, and more than a few did finally admit similar instances among their younger ranks after having heard through the grapevines about a giant stink a lad called Rahi had caused on Udonta's ship. They admitted to instances of bullying, pressure, and disrespect occurring and directly related to the particular rite of passage and collectively agreed with Yondu that a change surrounding the culture could be beneficial, much to Yondu's surprise, and also his relief.

He never did tell you about his conversation with Stakar, though he was sure you may start to suspect if everything went well and things started changing regarding that particular aspect of life. As long as no one else had to feel like he saw you feeling that night in the laundry, he'd be happy.

You had come to his quarters the day after the visit to Contraxia, knocking almost as soon as he had hung up with Stakar. You had wanted to thank him him for helping you, both with the advice and with the Love-Bot. You told him how you felt so much better after having that talk with him, and how you no longer felt broken.

He'd never say, because screw sentiment, but it warmed his heart to know he helped you realize there was nothing wrong with you, that you had never been damaged. You two parted with a hug and he let you know to not be afraid if you needed to come to him about stuff like that in the future, just not to make a habit of telling the others lest they accuse him of going soft.

You were his little girl, something else he never intended to say out loud, because again, screw sentiment. He felt a responsibility for your well-being, even if you could be a little shit like Peter sometimes.

Ah, fuck sentiment. He knew you two were his kids, and he was damn proud.

***

About a week after shore leave you and Peter happened across Yondu outside the Mess Hall doors as you were heading in for supper.

"Hey, look! It's Terran One and Terran two!" Yondu said, oddly loudly.

"Um, hi?" You gave him an odd look. "What's up?"

"Now why would ya think somethin's up? Can't a captain greet his crew outside the Mess Hall before dinner?"

'Something's definitely up.' you thought, sharing a glance with Peter who was clearly thinking the same thing. "Are we in trouble? Did we do something?" Peter chuckled nervously. He didn't know about you, but he had maybe definitely rigged a supply closet in the control room with some firecrackers, and he wasn't sure if some poor soul (probably Kraglin) had already fell victim to it, meaning he was about to be in hot water.

You were also grinning nervously. You didn't know about Peter's firecrackers, but you had also maybe definitely hidden some poppers under the cushion of Yondu's desk chair that morning when he was busy on the other side of the ship, but you weren't going to just turn yourself in without more information, now were you?

"I dunno, you tell me." Yondu said, smirking. "Are you in trouble? Ya'll got a guilty conscience?"

You and Peter shared a nervous glance. You both knew you both were most definitely guilty of something, however you two had a code. Never turn yourself in, and never turn your buddy in. You looked back at Yondu, suppressing a nervous giggle. "No? I don't think so?"

Kraglin then came outside the Mess Hall doors to stand with Yondu. Kraglin had a big shit eating grin on his face, almost as if he were trying not to laugh when he saw you and Peter there.

Yondu threw him a glance which Kraglin returned with a nod. You noticed this and you exchanged another look with Peter. Something was definitely up. This felt like a trap.

"Well, what're ya waiting for? Get in there and grab some supper!" Yondu ordered, grinning strangely. He opened the door for you- oh shit something was absolutely up here.

You and Peter eyed him suspiciously but obeyed, entering the Mess hall without a word.

Once inside you noticed the rest of the crew inside were all oddly quiet, all staring at the two of you with grins and some suppressing giggles behind their hands. You heard the doors shut behind you and turned to see Yondu and Kraglin standing in front of them, both donning the biggest shit eating grins of all time.

"Cap'n has a surprise for you guys, d'ya- do ya like it?" Kraglin asked, trying to suppress his own giggles.

You heard Peter exclaim a, "Oh hell no!" and you turned to see what had caught his attention, noticing the crew had finally broke out into loud raucous laughter around you.

Hanging high on the wall about 10 feet to the right of the Mess Hall entrance doors was a humongous blown up photo of you and Peter. It was the photo you guys didn't know Oblo had snapped when you returned from Contraxia. It showed the two of you each curled up asleep in your respective seats of Yondu's M-ship. Peter was sucking his thumb. You were cuddling one of Yondu's softer dash toys.

You both paled as you stared up at the giant poster hung high on the wall. Hung conveniently high enough that neither of you would be able to reach it to rip it down, although Peter made a few good attempts.

Your eyes narrowed at your captain as he approached you, his laughter matching that of the crew. He pulled you towards him and ruffled your hair as he asked. "What's the matter? Ya don't like yer surprise?"

You glared up at him as Peter was now climbing up on a chair in a vain attempt to reach and pull the photo down. "This so means war, blue man!"

"Don't pick fights ya can't win, pipsqueak." Yondu laughed. "Consider this payback for those poppers in my chair, and ya can tell Peter this is for those firecrackers in the supply closet."

You sighed and punched him in the arm, but he only laughed and pulled you in close to ruffle your hair again, "Oh lighten up! Ya don't really expect me to just let my kids have all the fun, huh?"

You jerked your head towards him with a surprised expression, and it seemed it was only then he realized what he had said. Grateful that no one else would have heard it over his noisy crew he attempted to backtrack. "Uh, don't read too much into it." he said, clapping you on the back and announcing to Kraglin that he was going to grab some food. Kraglin, who was busy laughing at Peter, who had seemingly given up his attempts to rip down the photo in favor of walking dejectedly back over to you, nodded and joined his Captain in obtaining some supper.

Peter and you turned to face the photo again, the laughter from the crew still not having died down. Peter spoke first. "This means war, right?"

"Definitely. I had already set up a dye pack in Yondu's shower earlier. He'll be a weird shade of purple by morning," you affirmed with a grin.

"Nice. We gotta get one on Kraglin too."

"Absolutely," you reply. "After supper?"

"Yeah. After supper." Peter agreed.

The two of you made your way to get your supper, ignoring the laughs and teases of the other Ravagers along the way and discussing further options of getting Yondu and Kraglin back for this.

He may be like a father to you two, but that didn't mean he'd get off easy.