#because yeah I absolutely have no doubts that Adam does not believe in the “cause” and just uses that to have power and control

[invested-in-your-future]

Also the "oh you just like Adam and that's why you hate the show" asks are hilarious because like...my ideas for "Adam" in my rewrite draft would most likely piss off majority of Adam stans LMAO.

[dawning-day]

RONAN LYNCH IN A TIME LOOP SAY MORE AT ONCE (but only if you want to no pressure the all caps is just my enthusiasm and also my brain being broken by those tags and that concept)

apologies in advance for what this turned into <3

so for context of me personally i absolutely adore a timeloop au in any context in general like there is something so funky so fresh about the whole idea of a guy getting worn down by time while everyone around him is experiencing something for the first time?? to be so jaded but still have to wait for the other people to go through surprise/shock at something that's already gotten old for the guy who's seen it more times than they can count????

so that's already delicious but Most Specifically i am a fan of the version of the time loop that is "a guy who has to go back and re-do the worst thing that ever happened over and over until they fix it" both from the perspective of (a) the lingering doubt of no matter what they change does it ever actually make a difference? is there anything that could be done that would Matter enough or is fate always going to lead them to the same place and we are doomed to repeat our mistakes ect ect but also (b) the thing about the worst thing that ever happened to a guy is that uhhh it sucks? like having to relive any period of time repeatedly is already concerning but when it's a moment that fundamentally defined the subsequent period of life ? to have so much urgency but still be repeatedly brought back to square one !!! and to have to see that worst thing over and over and knowing they failed !!!!!!!!!!!! terrible !!!!!

and if that wasn't already a bucket of laughs the most very absolute worst part is always when the person has to waste so much of their very limited time the loop resets and then they're all alone again??? to not have one person in the entire world who understands what they're going through and to have any progress they've made immediately get undone, but to do it all again anyways because fuck what other choice is there ??

all of this to say. ronan lynch. bc i'm not sure if you noticed by now but these freaks are literally all ride or die for each other from MINUTE ONE like ronan walked up and said hey i pulled this bird out of my dreams and no one blinked? like mild spoiler the third book and holy fuck especially the fourth one really lean into the?? fantasy side of things?? kind of?? (it will make sense in retrospect i promise) but never not one single page are any of these books about them not believing each other. there is an inherent irrevocable acceptance that when one of them has A Problem it is Their Problem and that's part of the reason they are soooo <333333

but yeah you'd damn better believe if ronan sat down and told those freaks this was his 18th wednesday in a row they would believe him without question or cause there would be none of that wasting time on that stupid trope of "ronan knowing everything the other person's about to say and that's why they believe him" nonsense. they are his family and they are fundamentally there for one another when it matters. when it doesn't matter. everything in between.

so ronan's time loop is just immediately about the finding solutions part??? about gansey sneaking Meaningful Glances at adam across the table because they both know ronan's more unhinged about this than he's letting on. maybe blue convinces them to go to fox way to ask maura and calla and persephone to read his future and the first time blue has ever seen those women look Genuinely Scared is when they have to tell him point blank that they don't see one. not that it's blurry or that the signs are unclear but that ronan lynch fundamentally does not have anything other than the Now.

ronan lynch the dreamer the dreamed afraid to go to sleep not because of what he can do when he dreams but because this time being awake is the scary part??? because he doesn't know where or when he'll be when he wakes up???? to have something so. core to who he is. be so fractured. and his family not really being able to help but being so willing to try anyway????

anyways sorry i didn't realize i had so many thoughts about this hi tldr i wanna humble that maniac sooooo bad

[wjforever]

Shatter me again. Chapter 87

Warner's words touch something inside me. He says Adam might would be disappointed in me. That I might not match his expectations. And although this assumption cause in me furious and hate towards Warner, I know that this is only because he found my pressure point. I myself was always afraid that Adam would be disappointed in me. That he would see my true colors and turn away from me. But he proved to me over and over again that he accepts me for who I am. He knows that all my crimes are not my choice. And I know exactly why he joined the army. Because of me. Because of James. I can't let Warner get into my head. I know Adam, but he doesn't.

"He didn't betray you. You can't betray someone whose side you've never been on. You've destroyed this world. You force people to take on dirty work that they hate. Trying to turn everyone into a likeness of yourself. But he's not like you. He is faithful, honest, kind… You're not even worth his little finger."

"Oh yeah. It's not the best place on earth, if there are any left. Isn't this a reason to think about the motives of his deeds? Have you ever thought he could've just took advantage of you, mm?"

"Why would he do that?"

"To escape. To get out of the headquarters. He could've used you as a shield and a sword to get away from the hated me far away. How adroitly he did everything, didn't he?

"He tried to help me! To save me from you!"

"He didn't do all this for you." His face becomes tougher, and his speech is more peremptory. He knows exactly what he's talking about and firmly believes in his rightness. 

"What do you mean?"

"He prepared everything in advance, isn't it obvious? Before he knew I was going to take you to the base. I didn't let him out of the territory for six months. He couldn't get here and prepare everything, wanting to save you. Everything had been ready for a long time: the path through the radiation, the car, escape routes, and even a place where he could hide. There was only one thing missing. Cover. He knew you wouldn't be shot to kill. Kent have used you. He betrays easily. I was sure of his loyalty. You see what it leads to. He lies, and doesn't even feel remorse, fear or doubt. He could lie to you as well."

"It's not true. Adam is the most devoted person I've ever met."

He suddenly explodes. His hands fly up, he really raises his voice for the first time… 

"Lord, how can you not feel that he doesn't care about you?! Don't you notice it yourself?!"

I remember his little lesson. He's hardly afraid… He's trying to convey something to me. He's trying to reach out to me. He's trying to make me believe the truth. His truth. The truth that has nothing to do with reality. He's absolutely convinced of what he's saying, he really believes it. He lives in his own fictional world, where he has an absolute right to the truth. He's just a madman. And nothing else.

"You judge everyone by your own standards. You lie, kill, and do evil. But you don't know anything about Adam. Because you don't know anything about kindness. You live, reveling in your imagined greatness, believing that everyone agrees with your actions. You have a black soul, and you have no idea what's going on under your nose."

"This doesn't detract from the facts, Juliette. My sins don't make him any better."

He's like a contrast shower, freezing cold then burning hot. Now there are icy notes in his voice once again, he turns into a marble cold statue again. And this is a cruel game with my nerves. I myself get set on fire, then cool down next to him.

At this moment I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of solemnity, pride, loftiness, righteous nobility. Because I can throw the truth at him. I can trample on all his insinuations, break his slander, destroy all his attempts to blacken Adam's honest name.  

I answer him with the same dignity, with the same proudly raised head and erect posture as he does.

"I knew it. I knew he wanted to run away. And I'm grateful to him for allowing me to join him and become part of this plan. We did it all together, we both knew what we're getting into. We were just waiting for an opportunity to escape and never run into you again. And if it hadn't happened then, it would have happened later. But it would have happened anyway. Because it's better to die than to stay by your side."

There is no disappointment in his face at his failed attempt to turn me against Adam, nor anger. There is some awareness, and I don't understand this reaction of his.

He suddenly starts walking towards me again. Step. Step. Step. He's looking at me as if he sees me for the first time, with interest and, definitely, a slight disillusionment.

"So what," he says as he strides towards me. His eyelids are twitching slightly in tension, and his lips are tighten in a contemptuous, barely noticeable crooked smile, "this is all just a good bargain for both of you? His plan to retreat, your immunity. You're ready to be with him just because it's convenient, right?" He shakes his head slightly. "I didn't think you had it in you. That feelings matter so little to you. That to get closer to someone you only need help in escaping and his desire and ability to touch you with impunity. A very pragmatic approach, I can tell you."

I cringe at how disgusting it sounds. And I have to convince myself again and again that all this is not true, that he knows nothing, that he puts his thoughts and feelings into other people's heads and believes in this himself.

But the worst thing is that it's not as far from the verity as I would like. There is some truth in his words. Adam had promised me this opportunity of escape from the very beginning and I allowed myself to dream about it. And he had prepared everything for a long time, he just didn't have a chance to run away. And although I know that he had joined the army because of me, when he was preparing to escape, he wasn't sure that he would be able to find me. And I never wanted Adam to touch me. When this happened, I didn't always enjoy his caresses, his touches, his kisses. They weren't always desirable. Sometimes I just had to endure it so as not to offend him. So that he doesn't turn away from me. Can this be considered my payment for his loyalty and devotion? I shouldn't think that way. I shouldn't think that way. I shouldn't…

Warner seems to sense this doubt of mine, because his anger flares up like a fire fueled by oxygen.   "Or maybe you really like it?" He continues. "Maybe you are satisfied with such an attitude towards you? When they don't waste their manners on you. When they don't wait for your permission and don't pay attention to your opinion. After all, he definitely touched you the first time not by your will. It always scares you very much, and you would never agree to this voluntarily."

"It was an accident!" I say loudly, trying to keep my sanity. "It happened by accident when your people were beating us. They beat me!"

He snorts, getting even closer. Frustrated, calm and angry. "Maybe. But then… You should' ve felt this. I don't believe you didn't. You should' ve felt his indifference. You have little experience, but you are not so naive and not stupid at all. So is this what you want? An insensitive military machine, who, if find anything attractive about you, so it's your body and the opportunities that your privileged position brings. Is that what you need?"

Warner at a distance of single step from me, and suddenly I realize that I have nowhere to retreat. He cornered me. Again. But this time there is no one to come and help me.

I'm not arguing with him. I don't even try. It's useless. He won't hear it anyway. He'll never understand anyway.

He's too close for me to feel comfortable to be audacious or bold.

And when he's so near, it's especially noticeable how we contrast with each other. We're from different worlds. We're opposites. He's, as always, perfect, brilliant, in his severe military uniform, fresh and crisp. Confident and ruthless. And I. With dirty messy hair pulled back into a ponytail with the string I found. Filthy and wounded. In Adam's huge T-shirt, James's short and wide sweatpants and the low heel pumps I've worn since the HQ. Scared and helpless.

"Maybe you like it when they take without asking? When they take what they want?" His hand rises and already habitually brushes a strand of hair out of my face, but this time he deliberately touches my skin. Because he can. My entire body stiffens, I barely breathing. His touch is much more gentle than his voice, than his eyes. "Maybe I've been wrong in trying to gain your trust all this time? Maybe I've been too cautious, too delicate? Turns out that's not what you needed."

These words, these touches set something on fire inside me. My moods change just like his, but that's the last thing on my mind right now.

"Delicate?" I spit out. "You were cruel to me! I was your prisoner!"

He continues as if he didn't hear me.

"I tried so hard for you, I've done so much. But it turns out you are attracted to something completely different."

Warner is unacceptably close, and I put both hands on his chest and shove him slightly, trying to push him away from me. I don't think my strength is enough, but he still takes one small step back.

"You didn't do anything for me. You only did this for yourself. Pathetic, selfish psychopath!"

He suddenly laughs with some kind of quiet, insane laugh, then smirks.

"Really? You think it was easy to keep you safe all this time, mm? To cover up all your whims and antics? You think it was easy to take you out of the asylum? Have you ever thought what it's for others to try to indulge your every desire? You can't even imagine how much effort it took to delay the demonstration of your power or turn off the cameras in your room. You can't even imagine how many tricks it took to pull this off. But it's of little value to you, isn't it?" Resentment is evident in his voice, permeates him through and through, as if someone forgot to close the window and disappointment freezes all the warmth that could once be seen in those green eyes.

I've never thought about it like this. I've always been sure that he is in charge, which means he decides himself what, how and when to do. And I don't understand why he would lie about it when this only makes him weaker in my eyes, less powerful and important. And, in part, I can even understand his offense. This doesn't mean that I can agree with his beliefs.

"I have no idea what you were doing behind my back and I don't care. If you did it to get something in return, then that's not how it works."

"I so wanted to be someone you trust. I so wanted to help you. What an irony. Now I understand why you didn't need all this." Some kind of madness is manifested in his face, in his eyes, in his facial expressions. He licks his lips, tilts his head, studying my face. He's not normal. He's crazy. His hand takes my wrist, lifts my hand between us. He acts decisively, but his grip is gentle, tender and an electric current runs through my entire body. "He just wanted and took what he needed. And you immediately became his? Is that what you like? When they treat you like this?"

My tongue is swollen, cleaved to the roof of my mouth, stuck somewhere in my throat. I can't breathe in or out. And he… it seems to me that he's almost furious, and I don't know what makes him so angry.

"Or you think his touch is absolutely selfless? Alms for the needy."

I abruptly jerk my hand out of his palm.

"Never… Adam never did anything I didn't want him to do myself. He always did only what I allowed him to do."

His eyes literally flash. Wild. He approaches me again, dangerously close.

"And I'm the one you call selfish? It's always just about your desires, isn't it? The whole world should be at the feet of Juliette Ferrars, and everyone should revolve only around you. Servants in the service of the Queen…"

"It's not like that…" I squeeze out strangled, barely holding back tears of resentment.

"No? Didn't you just say that Kent risked his life to save you? You love to keep everything under control so much. You like to feel your power over people. You enjoy it when they obey you, when they run after you. You like to act up and see how others are trying to fulfill all your wishes. And you wanted it."

He's so cruel. His words are cutting me like a razor, slash my face, my hands, and I'm bleeding with shame. Because he's right. I understand that myself. He's damn right, and I hate him for it. I knew Adam would want to help me, and I convinced him again and again that we needed to try. He wouldn't have done it without me. And Kenji wouldn't have put himself in danger. And James wouldn't have been through hell. Warner doesn't know about them, maybe. But I know. I know they all suffered because of me.

They suffered because of Warner. We were all fleeing from him. Adam planned to run away from him in the first place, not with me.

And I'm eager to fight. I raise my hand, sharply, quickly, trying to hit him. But he reacts instantly, catches my hand by the wrist again and lowers it down, pins it to my side. Then he grabs the second one and does the same. I feel naked in front of him. I no longer have anything with which I could protect myself from him, how I could fight him. I'm completely defenseless.

His face is so close to mine, tense, frightening me to the bone. But I'm not going to give up, no matter what. Even though there is almost no strength left in me, I'm trying to kick him, trying to break free. He tightens his grip on my hands and presses me against the wall with his body, preventing me from moving.

"Stop twitching," he says menacingly, leaning towards me. "You know, it's even better this way. I don't mind it at all. I even like it. You're a bad girl, love. It makes us almost perfect for each other, doesn't it?" His voice becomes almost whisper, even more dangerous. "I'm ready to continue to indulge all your desires. I'm fine with it. Is that what you want? Tell me."

I have nothing to say to him. Nothing to answer. I want to feel calm and confident again, but I can't. And I'm trying to grab onto the elusive remnants of these almost forgotten emotions.

"You're not human… You're crazy… You're a psychopath… I despise you..." My voice is so weak, broken, almost inaudible.

"I am. Always has been. And yet, Adam is not the only one whose touches you wanted." He's breathing so heavily, and his bird of prey eyes are blazing with burning sparks. "You wanted to kiss me three days ago, didn't you?"

My head starts to spin violently and the floor disappears under my feet. I feel like I don't fall only because he's holding me in place. He uses a forbidden weapon. He speaks almost bitterly, as if I betrayed him. Waiting for my answer. And I turn away, unable to look him in the eye.

"Tell me that's not true. Tell me it was all just my imagination."

I can't lie to him. I don't know why, but I just can't. I could tell him I was just trying to harm him. But I can't. 

Because this wicked truth presses me to the ground with a heavy slab, destroying my dignity, and my honor, and my nobility. How can I act like I'm better than him when I'm keeping such a shameful truth? Yes, of course it was before he forced me to torture the child, and before he arranged a safari, hunting me and everyone else. Before they wounded, or even killed Adam. Does it really matter? I wanted it. A familiar confusion begins in my head. And I suddenly remember those feelings, those emotions, those desires. I shouldn't, but I do.

I'm afraid he'll grab my face and make me look at him. And he shouldn't do it, because I'm losing touch with reality. But instead, he leans closer, almost touching my cheek with his nose.

"That's what you wanted," he says quietly. "You wanted this. So maybe I should fulfill this wish of yours as well?"

I don't know how to breathe anymore. He's too close, and I take the air in fitfully gulps. I want to push him away from me, but I realize that I don't have enough strength. I'm scared of what he might do after my failed attempt. He won't show me mercy. And I won't be able to escape from the trap of his body.

I'm so afraid that he'll carry out his threat. That he'll take what he wants by force. I'm shaking uncontrollably. And my legs begin to wobble. I know he'll do it right now. I know he can do whatever he pleases to me and there's nothing I can do about it. Because I'm his. Because I'm in his exclusive power.

If you want to support the author, and also aesthetics, sneak peeks, information about publications, new chapters, so on Buy me a coffee

Read my notes and more chapters here AO3

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 6 Transcript: Big Yellow Serpent Doe Eyes

[Garageband Good Omens theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who's seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens. 

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 6: “The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives.”

G: Season 1 finale, baby!

C: You thought this episode was just okay.

G: Oh, yeah, I don't like it. It's fine! Okay, 'cause my friend Rese has watched Good Omens and like, has a sibling who is very into Good Omens, so she's well aware of this show and the book and everything. And when I asked her if she watched it herself, she said, "Yeah." And that was like, the end of it. [C laughs] And I was very confused because I asked her this when we have watched like, Season 3 at that point- "Season 3." Episode 3 - at that point, and I was like, "How is it that you watched all this and you feel nothing? Like, you're not even invested in any way, shape, or form, back then or now?" And upon watching this episode, I understand.

C: Ouch.

G: I feel like the only reason why I am this into Good Omens is because I watched it week-per-week. But if I watched it like, you know, like, six hours straight and then it ends this way, I'll be like, "Yeah, I don't really care." Which is such a brutal takedown of this episode. But, like, I really don't care. [laughs]

C: You have told me this many times.

G: Yeah.

C: I think that this does a pretty bad job at resolving the Apocalypse and Adam plot, especially because they cut a lot of, I'd say, the most important lines in the book. But, I mean, like, Aziraphale literally smiled. [G laughs] So like, maybe this is like, great writing, and everyone should download Ecosia, so.

G: It well may be. It's just - it's not - it doesn't- Well, like, it resolves stuff, but not in any way-

C: Not well.

G: - that, you know, like, particularly touched me or anything. And even the Aziraphale and Crowley stuff, you know, like, they went through this super enormous thing together, and then it ends, and it's like, they're just back to who they were before. You know, even if like, "Oh, the world doesn't even know that like, this thing happened, and people forgot that, and people think that everything was just in their imagination" or whatnot, like, Crowley and Aziraphale know, and it should change them somehow. And like, I understand that, like, this episode is like, they were packing a lot into it, it wasn't just Crowley and Aziraphale's story that they're wrapping up.

C: Yeah, they had to do terrible things to other women. [laughs]

G: Yeah. So like, I understand that they didn't have the time. But like, nothing happened last episode! And I understand that, like, you know, when you're doing a TV show, every episode has to have like, a thing and then etc etc, so like- Ah, whatever. You get what I mean. It's just- it feels both rushed and like, also that nothing happens. Yeah.

C: Mm-hm.

G: I'm such a hater. But I mean, I did- I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it.

C: No, this is really good news for me and Season 2. [G laughs] That's what I'm holding onto. I look forward to both of us being absolute despisers of Season 2 and driving away our entire listener base. [both laugh]

G: Also, you know what I said, like, I kept on saying it pretty much ever since our Season 3 episode where I kept saying, "Are you sure that Neil Gaiman did not plan a Season 2 at all? Like, are you so fucking positive? Like, it's impossible! It's impossible that there was not a Season 2 in mind." I kept saying it? There was not a Season 2 in mind. Absolutely not.

C: [laughing] There was not a Season 2 in mind! [both] Absolutely not.

G: So yeah, I believe you now. I'm sorry for ever doubting you, my good friend Crystal.

C: Thank you! Thank you, my good friend Grey.

G: Oh, I have to read the thing. [laughs]

C: Oh, yeah. Hit us with the Fandom Wiki summary, Grey, go!

G: "Armageddon arrives, and Adam must choose between fathers with a little help from Aziraphale and Crowley."

C: That is not what fucking happened.

G: That is such a bad fucking summary.

C: [laughing] Like, it is what happened, but it wasn't

G: Anathema chooses whether she wants to be a descendant. Shadwell wonders how many nipples Tracy has-

C: What?

G: - and Dog breaks through a hedge.

C: What?

G: Who fucking wrote this? And if it's like, a fan, god bless.

C: People did this for free on the Internet to help us. [G laughing] But wow. I would have written something different free on the Internet to help us.

G: This episode is not fun! I mean, it's fun, but it's fine, but like, I don't know.

C: I would have cut out the bodyswap stuff in order to give Adam his book lines back.

G: Hm. Well, is. Is there no body swap in-

C: In the book? No. Neil Gaiman was just like, "Hehehehehe. [G laughs] I talked with Mark Gatiss, and he was like, 'People love when you act like you're smart.'" And Neil Gaiman was like, "I know exactly how to act like I'm smart." And then he did this. And it's fun the first go-around, and then the next go around, you're like, "I don't think that actually works so well." So yeah.

G: What do you mean the next go-around?

C: Like, the first time you watch and you don't know you're like, "Gasp! Egads!" etc. And then the second time- okay, fine, the second time you're like, "It's so fun how Aziraphale’s great at playing Crowley, and Crowley's only mid at playing Aziraphale [G laughs] because it actually shows the opposite thing about the acting abilities of David Tennant and Michael Sheen." And then, like, the third time you're like, "Eh. I wish they'd save this time for something else."

G: I mean, it doesn't matter. I mean, it does matter.

C: I think it's because it just feels emotionally incomplete for- in the book- for them just to go, "I think they'll leave us alone just because they're embarrassed about what happened at the air base." and then they just go back to their lives.

G: Of course.

C: So like, I understand this as like, everyone being like, "Well, no one's gonna believe that they're gonna be left alone unless we do something." But like, I mean, there could just been a prophecy that was like, "And you two will be fine and also make out all the time." [G laughs] Like, I don't think we needed to waste like, 15 minutes on this or whatever.

G: Yeah. Well. We did, though. So.

C: We did. And like, I didn't not have fun about it.

G: I had fun!

C: I just wish that there was better resource management.

-

C: We open in Hell. Dagon, Beelzebub, Hastur, and this usher demon who you described as Jabba the Hutt?

G: I described?

C: I don't know who that is. Is that like, from Star Wars? Didn't you?

G: Oh, yeah! Oh, we have to say that I watch this episode, most of it, about half of it, I guess, while I was on a call with Crystal, so-

C: Yeah, but I was like, muted or whatever.

G: Yeah, Crystal already has some knowledge of how I think/feel about the first few scenes at the very least. Yeah. But I'll check that. Is Jabba the Hutt a real- Yes!

C: Yeah, that's some Star Wars guy or something.

G: He does look like Jabba the Hutt, except Jabba the Hutt is like, larger. So this dude's like a mini Jabba the Hutt.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so baby Jabba, they're all entering a courtroom in Hell, and Crowley gets brought in with hands bound in front of him, wearing a jacket, a tie, and a lot of chest hair.

G: Hell yeah.

C: The usher announces that this is the trial of the demon Crowley, beginning with evidence and ending with utter obliviation. So Crowley comes in, looking like, you know, the coolest guy around and is like, "Hey guys. Nice place you've got here. Could do with some house plants. Maybe a coffee table." So, okay, Grey and I are not gonna pretend that we don't know the twist, so okay, this is Aziraphale. And isn't it so nice that he went to Crowley's place for the first time ever last night, and he was, "Quick! What are some details?" Aww. He's doing such a good job playing Crowley. Like, the "Hey guys," the like, nonchalant, whatever the fuck. And I don't think he ever would have witnessed Crowley interacting with Hell unless they had their own, like, 1800 bookshop chocolate scene. They probably spent a lot of time coaching each other. And also, Aziraphale's a good actor. Better than Crowley. Good for him.

G: Yeah. Aziraphale would have slayed it in the theater.

C: Yeah. Shit, there's actually a fic where Aziraphale plays Hamlet. It is "The Play's the Thing" by volunteerfd. I guess I would recommend the first chapter if you want a laff, spelled l-a-f-f. Crowley next is like, "So there's four of us here? Rubber of bridge? Barbershop quartet?" Aziraphale's having so much fun! So Beelzebub is the judge, Hastur is the prosecutor, and Dagon is just here in case there's anything Crowley did that they all forgot.

G: This may be the first- Is this the one? Is this the first like, time we see Dagon? Because I know we see Dagon kind of in Episode 1, but like, that's just voice.

C: Yeah, I think this is the first time we see him.

G: Amazing look. I love it.

C: Yeah, it's like- what, like, gold and silver scales on the face?

G: Yes. Some kind of marine creature is the inspiration.

C: Yeah, yeah. Seems like it.

G: Isn't it so fascinating that, like, all of them, have like- Like, why is Crowley like, basically- Oh, Crowley has the eyes. I completely forgot.

C: Crowley has the eyes. But no, I mean, people have talked about how like, all the other demons got like, way more visible stuff, and Satan was like, "Crowley, my specialest little girl, I will give you these big, beautiful, yellow serpent doe eyes, [G laughs] and let you live out on Earth drinking wine for the rest of your days while everyone else tortures each other in a damp basement." Beelzebub loses the flies buzzing around zem and like, on the face [overlapping] on Earth, so. But Crowley doesn't get any more demon-looking in Hell, so. Dunno.

G: I mean, that will be if that was the case, I feel.

C: That would be fun. Yeah. She should get some more snake scales.

G: They didn't even give her a fucking serpent tongue. Like, a split tongue. Boo!

C: I know! I know!

G: That could have been it, you guys.

C: The book says that Crowley could do really weird things with their tongue, and I would've liked to see it.

G: Hell yeah!

C: Beelzebub says that they built this place especially for Crowley, and he goes, "Guys. You shouldn't have gone to all the trouble. What appears to be the problem?" And then we get really fast zoom back until we're back to Crowley's arrival at the air base. It's a different part of "Bohemian Rhapsody" that plays. This time, it's just the one that goes, "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah." Which, yeah. Well. [laughs] Maybe so.

G: Yeah. Maybe.

C: And you know, we see what happens before where he and Aziraphale greet each other.

G: You know, I am so sad that we didn't even mention in the last episode the way Crowley is walking, just so beautifully.

C: Oh, yeah, I mean, the hips are really not lying today.

G: Yeah. Was it you who said that, like, David Tennant read the script and saw that Crowley, quote, "saunters" and took that to heart and committed to the bit so hard. You know what? Wonderful.

C: I think that was probably a post or something that you saw.

G: Is it? No, I think you said it to me.

C: I don't think I said it. I think I said that he saw that Crowley was a snake once and committed to that bit.

G: Let us Google- let us search the word "saunter" in our messages.

C: Okay.

G: Oh, there's nothing. [laughs]

C: Huh. I guess I was right, and you were wrong.

G: Sauntered. There's absolutely- I can't believe we've never said the word saunter.

C: The snake- the word snake also doesn't have anything. No. [laughs] Well, there's some interesting messages with the word snake, [G laughing] but there is nothing about David Tennant's hips.

Once more, they and Aziraphale greet each other. They're like, "Leave it to me" about the army human, all cool, and then like, their "Leave it to me" is just to try to say something nice, but really awkwardly. Etc. And then the Them rush by on bikes. In that moment of confusion, when Crowley is no longer concentrating on the Bentley, it blows up.

G: Bye, baby!

C: BohRhap goes, "Any way the wind blows" mournfully over it. And Crowley's so sad about this. She like, sinks to her knees in front of the Bentley and goes, "Ninety years and not a scratch. Now look at you." Is the "not a scratch," like, "There were many scratches, but they were all miracled off," because, like, we did see her crash her car like, four episodes ago. Or like, did Crowley actually take good enough care of this car?

G: I think good enough care, yeah.

C: Aww. Well. Sorry, Crowley. You had it from new. So yeah. Aziraphale’s coming over, panicking about that soldier with the gun, and is like, not letting Crowley have their moment. Like, yelling at him to do something. "I am the nice one. You can't expect me to do the dirty work!"

G: What a fucking brat. [both laughing]

C: Like, you just had your moment in Heaven when you were told that you couldn't possess a body, and you went, "Demons can." and then went down and possessed a body. Like, you can't be back to this, can you? Aziraphale, babe. Come on! Crowley says, "I am having a moment here." And she is. And eventually, Aziraphale just disappears the guard, which you found very amusing during your first watch.

G: I did, yeah.

C: While Shadwell's pointing his exorcism finger at him. So Shadwell once again thinks that this is his doing.

G: God! I hate him so much. Every time I saw him, I was like, "I don't want this guy to be here."

C: He didn't even shoot Adam. That's all he was good for, and he didn't even do it. Eventually, Crowley gets up, sees that there's a bunch of jeeps full of soldiers coming at them, and goes, "Oh, okay, I need to get over the car thing. I'll deal with them." And also picks up the tire iron that fell from the Bentley when it exploded. Souvenir! I think that Crowley's just a souvenir girl, you know?

G: Yeah! In the Philippines, we call them anik-anik girlies, [C laughs] and it's like, girls who like to have anik-anik, which is, you know, stuff. And you know what? Crowley is very much a anik-anik girly.

C: Yeah. For real. Yeah, I mean, his flat is pretty minimalist, so like, we don't see a lot of the souvenirs, but, like, everything that is in his flat seems to have sentimental value, what with the Mona Lisa and the eagle lectern and all that. And I think there's like, certain fics where they have, like, a storage unit with the rest of their souvenirs in it. I feel like they keep something from everyone that's important to them.

So, [sighs] corny-ass thing where Aziraphale's like, "We are here to lick some serious butt!" and Crowley is like, "It's kick butt, Aziraphale." Which- what- what's the point? What's the point of any of this?

G: And also like, the whole like, "Oh, for Heaven's sake," and it's like, "Ooh, I can't believe I just said that." So corny!

C: I feel like- Well, Crowley does make a point to like, swap all the Heavens and Hells in common sayings-

G: Yeah, I've always thought that was fun. I've always thought that was fun.

C: I think that this makes sense to point out because later, Aziraphale in Heaven does say "For Heaven's sake," and it's like, "Aw, fun." like, Crowley is continuing that thing, so.

G: [unenthusiastic] I guess so. [laughs]

C: I guess so.

G: I need to be less of a hater.

C: Well, you know. Be yourself.

G: Yeah. Just be straight up, bro.

C: Just be straight up, bro. RP Tyler tells Mr. Young, "Hey, by the way, Adam and the Them are going over to that air base, and probably, they're gonna be in big trouble. Don't blame me if your son starts World War 3! Tee-hee-hoo-hoo, tee-hee-[both]hoo-hoo." [laughs] And we get the theme song.

G: Do we? Don't we get it after the car explosion?

C: No.

G: Okay.

C: No. Neil Gaiman thought he was soo funny for going, "Don't blame me if he starts World War 3." He's like, "People are really gonna be sitting with that, being like, 'Damn, Neil Gaiman. How'd you do it?' [G laughs] for three minutes." [laughs] God. Congrats to the Writers Guild of America, by the way! [both laughing] Anyway. Back to this. I'm not gonna say the full thing I said about that. There are more important things than Neil Gaiman getting to log off now. [G laughs]

-

C: So we return, and the theme song sort of transforms into like, an old Western version of the same theme song continued from the actual theme, which I thought was fun. And we show, like, the Them standing off against the Horsemen's bikes. And then we go to Anewthma inside the communications hub. As they're peeking around the corner, they see the Four Horsemen there, and Anathema sees their auras, which are, as she says, "Like black holes." Back to the Them, we get shots of like, each of their eyes with the Horseman that they're paralleled with looking at each other. It's still very old Western, very fun. We also get a shot of Adam's socks above his boots.

G: Yeah, which I have claimed outside of this podcast to be one of my favorite character design detail outside of Aziraphale and Crowley. Yeah! I like it. It's nice. His little socks are picking out of his little shoes.

C: It's fun. Yeah. And they're like, bunched up on the top. That's fun.

G: Yeah. We didn't even point out last episode that the Horsemen were like, crying their color, which I thought was really cool. And like, I find it nice that they were like, "Oh, this is their last, you know, the last showdown or whatever. We need to change their get-up a little bit. Like, we need to change their look a little bit," but they can't do really anything. So they just did the tears, and it's like, splattered all over their face. I'm like, "I like that." I think it's a cool look.

C: Yeah, and also, like, Famine's teeth elongated and got really sharp last episode, which I thought was cool

G: Yeah, little sharp-y stuff, yeah.

C: Yeah, yeah, their like, true selves are leaking through their human forms or whatever. It's fun! Inside the communications hub, Anathema and Newt hear people in a bunch of different countries panicking and talking about how "Are you sure this is a good idea?" "There's nuclear strike orders implemented against Belgium," etc, etc. "We can't do the override." All that shit.

G: So we go out, and Death is doing most of the talking. And he's telling Adam, like, "Oh, the world is going to end, and it's because you were born or you exist." And Adam's like, "Well, I didn't ask for it to start."

C: He kinda did, though. Like, he kinda did. Like, he took it back, but he kinda did.

G: He kinda did. No, I mean, yeah, but like, if Adam was like, a completely human, you know, kid, even if he was like," Oh my god! The word should end because I'm so miserable because [overlapping] nobody is downloading Ecosia," [C laughs] it's not like it's going to cause, you know, this kind of Armageddon. So I get what he's trying to say. But he did ask! [laughs] Adam, you did ask. And then we see Aziraphale in Madame Tracy, Crowley, and Shadwell in a fucking like, military truck.

C: But it's not a truck. It's like, a little jeep thing but without a top. It looks like- they're giving like, theme park tour guide, but not even a vehicle big enough to be a theme park tour guide.

G: Yeah, golf court. Golf court? Golf cart.

C: Yes, golf cart. Just like Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing!

G: Yeah! [laughs] That's true.

C: I miss him so much.

G: I miss Benedick so much also.

They all get out of the golf cart, and Crowley just goes, "That's him!" and points at Adam and is like, "Oh, yeah, shoot him! And then you'll save the world and all of that." Shadwell sees the kid and goes, "Well, that's a kid. I'm not gonna shoot a kid." And Aziraphale is just like, "Oh, for fuck's sake-" no, he says, "For Heaven's sake," and then gets the gun from Shadwell and starts pointing it to the kid. And I start cheering, clapping, screaming-

C: You were right!

G: - going, "Shoot that kid! Shoot-!" and you know what? He fucking does. He shoots that fucking kid, baby! [C laughs] And like, what happens is that he goes for the kill. Madame Tracy is like, "No!" And Aziraphale hesitates a bit and asks Crowley for guidance, and Crowley was like, "Yeah, just shoot the kid." [both laugh] So Aziraphale shoots the kid, but Madame Tracy, god bless, she swerves the gun so that it doesn't hit Adam. And, you know, Adam notices that there are, in fact, two people in Madame Tracy, so he was like, "Yeah, I don't like that. Separate yourselves." And so Aziraphale is back to being Michael Sheen.

C: Yeah, in his fun outfit that he's always in. I will say that after all of the emotional buildup about Crowley being against killing kids, [laughs] and all that shit, this is mostly played for laughs, which is fine. But why all the buildup about, like, "You kill him." "No, you kill him. I refuse to do it." "No, like, you-" blah blah blah. And then this is just like, "Okay, it means nothing that Aziraphale pulled the trigger." [both laughing] Like, later, whenever he's talking to Adam, and Adam's just like, "Yeah, this is a normal guy I want in my life." Like, he tried to kill you!! Five minutes ago!

G: This is what I was saying, like, at the end of this episode, it's like nothing happened. Nothing changed. And they're just back to how they were, what I assume how they were like pre-Adam being delivered to Earth, you know? And it's just- it's a bit frustrating because like, look at this. Like, later, Aziraphale literally threatens to never talk to Crowley ever again. Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away to Alpha Centauri, and Aziraphale refuses and blah blah blah. You know, like, so many shit happened, and even this, like, in this episode, it's portrayed as silly and like, funny and like, "Oh my god! Aziraphale shoots a kid but it doesn't work," blah blah blah. It's like, this should have been like, a bigger deal.

C: Yeah. In the book, he doesn't pull the trigger.

G: Huh.

C: Yeah. So it's more okay, I think, that they go back to normal so fast. But yeah, it seems like it should matter that he did. Well, you know what? [laughing] In every episode of Supernatural, Sam or Dean pulls the trigger, and then they go back to normal afterward. [G laughs]

G: Well, that's different. You know that's different.

C: Yeah, it is.

G: It's just so incredibly funny to me that for most of this podcast, I've been saying, "Aziraphale should shoot that kid." [laughs] And then he does, and it's like, it doesn't matter. [laughs]

C: Does not matter. It doesn't.

G: They've been building it up. Fucking building it up.

C: They really have. They did not build it up so much in the book. I think that it's that Good Omens thinks it's a comedy, like, first and foremost, but like, I understand that it's a drama about the most important love story of all time, so like, sometimes those things come into conflict.

G: It's fine. I'm not that offended by it. It's just, "Well." You know.

C: A bit of a letdown, yeah. God. Crowley was so funny for, when Aziraphale was like, "Maybe we should wait." and then she went, "What? Until he grows up?" So true, babygirl.

Also, I'd say, okay, after they separate, like, Aziraphale and Madame Tracy look at each other kind of awkwardly, and then Madame Tracy, like, hightails it back to Shadwell, and is like, holding on his arm or standing behind him or something. Like, okay. Sure. Whatever.

G: Whatever.

C: God, I hate Neil Gaiman.

G: Also, I want to say that Aziraphale, throughout this entire portion, like, in the entire airbase scene, as Michael Sheen, don't you think that he's acting so differently?

C: Um. I mean he is in a combat situation, basically.

G: No, exactly. That's my point. Like, I find it so interesting. Because after I watched this, I went back to- because I was thinking, right, like, most of what we're seeing Aziraphale as recently is lot of tense situations, you know, lots of nervousness and stuff. So what I did was I went back to Episode 1 to look at him, like, before things really went quote, you know, "bad." But like, he doesn't act like this either, you know? So I think it's so fascinating that- I don't know. Maybe it's a script thing. You've read the script. Tell me if it's a script thing. But also, I think like, Michael Sheen decided that, like, Aziraphale in this moment, where it really- it really is like, do or die, will act this way. I find that so fascinating. I am still holding out whether I think it's in character or whatever. But I did find it very fascinating.

C: Well, you know what Will Wood says about that.

G: No, yeah, exactly! I've been thinking about what I said in that episode, that like, yeah, when you're in these kinds of things, you will act out of character. And you know what? Yeah. I also find it fascinating that- I mean, we'll talk about it later, but in the bus stop scene, he's back! That's Aziraphale, you know? So like, this entire scene, it's like, the first time I watched, I was like, "Oh, he's acting so weird." But like, when you think about it, it's like, "Yeah! I sure hope he does." [laughs] You know? But also, it makes him so hot. Go Aziraphale.

C: Go Aziraphale!

-

G: So we go to Anathema and Newt. Eugh. Everybody knows how I feel about this. But they're sitting there, and they figured out that the world is going to axplode and die so, Anathema's like, "Ah! I don't know what we need to do." So she goes and checks a prophecy, and what she picks up is, “He is not what he says he is.”

C: "Agnes, you aren't even trying!"

G: Newt kind of like, starts shifting uncomfortably, and Anathema’s like, “Oh, what is it?” And he reveals that like, “Oh, it's maybe about me. I'm not a computer engineer. I just want to be. But like, I'm actually, really, really shit at computers, and every time I try to do something, the computer explodes and dies.” I can't believe that after this, they were still like, “Oh, no, we can't do anything!" [both laugh] So stupid.

C: It does drag on for a pretty long time.

G: It drags on for so long.

C: Especially because, when you think about it, the only point of his character was to have this unexplained gimmick so that he could touch a computer for one second in the finale.

G: The way everything comes together is soo... Like, it's fine. But, like, come on. What are we supposed to learn from this, you know? I mean, I'm not- Not everything has to have a moral. Sometimes something can just be funny. But like, Newt is not funny! [both laugh] So he needs a fucking moral, so I don't know what the moral is. Well, I mean, I'm just kidding, mostly. God, I hate this guy.

C: Yeah. Well, don't we all.

G: Well, we're back to the fucking Horsemen- [both laughing] and Adam is like-

C: Oh, god! This scene is so bad!

G: Yeah! And Adam is saying like, "Oh, you know, all these people, they're just in your head." And then, like, we zoom out, and it's War brandishing this thing, and the sword is on fire right?

C: Doing cool tricks.

G: Yeah. The sword is on fire, right? And I feel like if I was one of the four children in this team, and I saw this random adult just doing like, sword tricks- I mean, what the fuck is this?

C: I'd be like, "They're so fucking cool."

G: No, I would be like, "What is this? What are you doing?" And she's delivering some kind of monologue.

C: It's just a street performer thing. Like, sorry I don't have any change on me, ma'am.

G: [laughs] Yeah. And she is delivering some kind of speech.

C: The worst dialogue Neil Gaiman has ever done in his life.

G: What is this? What is this?

C: Like, I just- I don't know how someone can be this annoying. Or just- Like, I want a list of every single editor, every single person who ever looked at this script, and if there's a single person who's not a cis man on there, I will be gagged. Like, show these words to anyone with a basic understanding of gender - which Neil clearly doesn't when he says things like "trans in the Tumblr sense," [both laugh] and tell me that they wouldn't put a big red pen through all of it.

G: I mean, okay. 'Cause the thing is, the way this portion ends is with Pepper brandishing the sword, and going, "I believe in peace, bitch." which I actually did quite like.

C: That was fun. I love Pepper.

G: That specific line, I liked. The way it led to that line [C laughing] was so stupid! It was so- It removes some value from that line. Do you know- Okay, here's what-

C: 'Cause it's not about peace. It's just about War being sexist.

G: [laughing] No, exactly. So here's the fucking line. War is just over there brandishing the sword, going, "Little toy for little-" What was it? "Little boys with your toys."

C: "I am War. You were made to serve me, to live in me, and to die in me."

G: And then, like, Pepper says, like, "Oh, my mom says that war is just masculine imperialism executed on a global stage." [C screams] And, War looks at her and points the sword at her and goes, [overlapping] "A little girl. Run home and play with your dollies, little girl." What is this? What is this doing?

C: What?! What?! Huh? Huh? What is this about? What are we talk- What are we doing here?? [both] What's happening? Like, okay, okay. So the point of War being a woman is about the seductiveness of war and like, how that mostly appeals to men, and men are usually the ones being drafted to fight in wars, I guess, right? Though, I mean, like, at this point, we're getting more diversity wins [both laugh] about that, so, it's weird that War is sort of stuck in an earlier era regarding this. And also like, I wouldn't say that the main thing about War is that it excludes women. I wouldn't say that's the thing I would focus.

G: Also, think about it this way, right? Like, what War is saying is like, "Oh, boys want war" or whatever, and Pepper is going, "I don't want war," and War is going, "Well, you're a girl, so go back with your dolls, anyway. So when Pepper says eventually, "I believe in peace, bitch." What's the line? What's the thread here?

C: That doesn't actually go against that War is eschewing, yeah.

G: It's so stupid!

C: Yeah.

G: This is the point in the episode where I go, "Oh, it's bad." [both laugh] The episode is bad, you guys. Like, when this started happening, and I realized that Anathema and Newt are gonna be by each other's side for longer than I anticipated, I was like, "Oh, guys. I don't like this. I don't like this, you guys. It's so- it's pretty bad." And also because, you know, the entire, entire show is based on hyping up the- this. This portion, right?

C: Yep. Yes.

G: If it's like, anticlimactic, that's fine. If they do it well.

C: But they need to know that it's anticlimactic.

G: Yes, if it's anticlimactic, there needs to be- you know, you need to do the- And I wouldn't even say that it's anticlimactic, necessarily, just that it's stupid.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: So yeah. Anyway, the- She steps on War's foot, and War drops the sword, and Pepper picks it up.

C: She's 11. How hard can she stomp?

G: Oh, you'll be surprised. I feel like kids are not aware about how much things hurt and how much they are capable of hurting people, so they'll just put their heart and soul into everything that they do like. Like, they'll punch you, and they'll punch you really hard because they're not aware that, like, when you're punching them, that's like, you're doing a soft one. So they're like, "I'm doing the best I can! And it's going to hurt as much as you when you're doing the soft one on me," so I get this.

C: Fair. Yeah. Regarding your issue with Pepper's line, they cut- This isn't a great line, but I think it's sort of addresses what you said, where before she does the- before she says all the rest of that stuff, she says, like, "I can play with dolls or not play with dolls, just as I can play with swords or not play with swords, but war is stupid." [G laughs] So at least that was a bit clearer. It's not good, though. It's not a good line. I get why they cut it.

G: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, picks up the sword and like, doesn't necessarily stab War, just like, points it in War's direction.

C: Yeah, she catches on fire and explodes on dies.

G: And she says, "I believe in peace, bitch" and explode and die. And Pepper drops the sword.

C: She also says that they're Adam's real friends, which I guess is important.

G: At this point, as Pepper drops the sword, [C laughing] I paused the episode, and I'm laughing so hard, guffawing.

C: Yeah, and I'm still on the Zoom.

G: Yeah, Crystal's still on the Zoom. And I go, "Jesus Christ! That's how she beat War? What, is the next kid gonna pick up the sword and go, 'I believe in a clean earth! Everybody download Ecosia!' [C laughing] and then Pollution will die?" And guess what? [C laughing] Guess what fucking what? Brian, right? Brian picks up the sword and goes, "I believe in a clean world." [C screams] And Pollution just fucking disintegrates.

C: Yup. Just melt into a puddle of oil.

G: Yeah. Wow. He believed in Ecosia enough.

C: I think it's also that the Brian actor is not very good. Like, I was not as annoyed when Wensley did the same thing to Famine, but I feel like Brian was trying too hard.

G: Yeah. 'Cause when Wensley did it, it's like, "Yeah. This kid believes in food and a healthy lunch."

C: Yeah, I believe in that.

G: Yeah. And then I like that he goes, "Actually, it's a very good thing."

C: Yeah. He's cute.

G: Yeah. Have you even mentioned the fact that this is the flaming sword?

C: Well, they don't mention it until after Wensley, so I was gonna bring it up then.

G: Anyway, Aziraphale and Crowley are watching this, and Crowley just goes, "Wait! Isn't that your sword?" And yeah. Boo!

C: No? No? I like it.

G: It's fine.

C: I like that Heaven and Gabriel asked Aziraphale about it so many times, which means that they didn't know that it was like, part of the Plan, which I think like, foreshadows how they were able to be so easily taken in by Aziraphale being like, “Oh, but is the Ineffable Plan the same thing as the Great Plan?" because, like, they outsource that shit, and they don't know all the details, and they don't know that this was Aziraphale’s sword. And I also love that it shows, like, the double edgedness of Aziraphale's first act of kindness, and how introducing the idea of danger to the humans via kicking them out of the garden and then introducing the idea of protection to them also introduces the idea of violence, and that this has like, been here the whole time. Isn't that- Is that not fun at all?

G: Yeah. But the sword sucks. It's doesn't look good in any way. [both laughing]

C: [laughing] That was it? That was the entire "boo"??

G: [laughing] I'm just a hater. I hate this episode.

C: Yeah. We also talked about whether or not giving the sword away was a test and if Aziraphale passed, and I feel like that answers the question, doesn't it?

G: I guess. I mean, okay, I'm being swayed to your area. Like, fine. It's cool that this is the sword.

C: Thank you. [laughs] It's fine.

G: It's fine! [laughs] It's fine.

C: It doesn't look very cool, but I mean, I do like that when you look at the details of it, the metal of it is sort of like, charred, and has like, bits of coal and shit stuck to it, whereas, like, before, it was a lot more immaculate 'cause it's like, "Look at the passage of time!"

G: It's been used, yeah.

C: "Look at the way that it's been corrupted as well by like, War and like, human desires." Isn't that neat?

G: Yeah.

C: [laughs] I can't believe I'm defending this show. It may well be.

G: It may well be.

C: Dog also helps take Famine down with Wensley, which I think is cute.

G: Oh, yeah, the fucking dog! It was cute. I don't even know what my gripes are. I mean, I said the Pepper stuff.

C: It's just very underwhelming.

G: Well, I mean, that's the thing with like, hyping anything up and, like, you know, journey, not the destination, blah blah blah! But specifically, like, this scene, at first I was like, as I said, I was laughing about how like, I thought it was so stupid. And then, upon talking to Crystal, you said, "What's nice is that, you know, they're 11 years old. It's such a child  destroying the-"

C: Yeah, the evil monsters under the bed sort of thing. It's a very fairytale approach to it. That makes sense given that that is like, what they believe is true about the world.

G: Yeah. And I guess later on, when it is revealed that it kind of is, like, the world becomes what Adam believes it is, it's like, "Oh, okay, well, this makes sense. It isn't just because they brandished the sword. It's because they believed in it and Adam is there."

C: Yeah, the sword doesn't really matter.

G: Yeah. Well, the thing I wanna say is that, okay, the Horsemen are gone. What does that mean for the world?

C: I don't think they actually died. I think it just means that they're not summoned anymore. They're probably just gonna go back to having their regular jobs.

G: Ah, okay. But why does Death say-

C: Yeah, Death does say that they have "returned to the minds of man," so they probably have lost their physical forms for a little while, but like, I don't think that actually means that that there isn't gonna be War or Famine or anything any more. I think it just means that they're gonna be individuals.

G: Yeah. But then what's the point of having the fucking Horsemen in the first place? Just to summon the Apocalypse?

C: I mean, once they like, take strong physical form and have their objects, like, I'm assuming that they are able to enact more direct damage to the Earth. When they return to the minds of man, they're just more like, a low-grade evil thing.

G: Yeah. I mean, imagine. Centuries, millennia, of just being like, "I'm here for this one thing," and then you get there, and you're so bad at it it's unreal. [C laughs] Yeah.

C: They really are losers, yeah.

G: Yeah. Every adult in this show's a fucking loser.

C: Yeah. What you said about the world being what Adam believes and stuff did make me appreciate the book version of this scene a bit more 'cause what each of char- I think- I didn't really realize that you would like, read it as just like, the power of the sword. But like, yeah, no, that- it does sort of just look like the power of the sword. But like, in the book, each of them makes like, out of like, sticks and like, leaves and stuff, they make their own like, kid version of the item that the Horseman has, so like, a stick sword, and like,  a daisy crown or whatever for Pollution and stuff, and then they use that as weapons against the Horsemen, and I think that comes across a lot better, 'cause it is just like, "They’re kids. And this is what they believe." I think the one nice thing about this is just that, like, Hell always planned for Warlock to be alone when the Horsemen arrived, and, like, Adam, could not face them on his own. So it's nice that like, he grew up by himself, and he had friends and was chill, so they're like, doing this together. Good for him. But yeah, it's stupid. And I wish that there is- Like, okay, the Pepper "I believe in peace" thing, there's been some build up for that, sure. But like, it's just- I feel like there wasn't enough character work on the kids to make me believe that this is a strongly-held feeling that they have, especially with Brian regarding believing in a clean world. Like, does he? Okay.

G: Yeah. Because here's the thing. Like, "I believe in peace" does not equate believing in a clean world. Do you know what I mean? Like, "I believe in peace" is like, "I don't want war to happen. I believe that peace is good." But, like, "I believe in a clean world" is like, "There's no Pollution!" [both laugh] Do you know what I mean? That's why it sounds so stupid when you say it like that. The "I believe in food and a healthy lunch" falls more in the category of the "I believe in peace" thing. Like, "I believe in a clean world sounds so stupid." Also, like, I think there is some buildup for Wensley, 'cause he does talk about lunch quite a bit, right?

C: That's true. He really does want to go for lunch.

G: Yeah. Very delicious and very healthy lunch at home.

C: Yeah. Later, in all the shots, Brian's standing off to the fucking edge. Like, he's not even in shot for most of the rest, [G laughs] even though Pepper and Wensley are in the background all the time. So like, they really did not give a shit about that kid. [G laughs]

-

G: Anyway, we go to Hell, and Beelzebub and Dagon are like, up front. All the demons are there. They're all waiting for the signal to go on Earth and start the Apocalypse. [laughs] I love this scene. I love it. Beelzebub tells Dagon to encourage the troops, so he does, and he goes like, "So, you guys, we're going to fight against the army of angels. All of you were angels once, and we fought in this glorious revolution! And we lost. [laughs] But that was then, and we have thousands of years to get tougher."

C: Tougher!

G: Yeah, he's trying to do the thing where it's like, "I say a word, and you say back to me." So it's like, "Tougher, smarter, and more dangerous!"

C: Smarter. More dangerous!

G: And it sounds soo funny. You know, I am a bit sad that we don't see Dagon before this. I think Dagon is so fun.

C: Yeah. Pretty cool.

G: Lord of the Files!

C: Lord of the Files, baby.

G: Beelzebub stops this whole commotion, though, and says that something is wrong because the Apocalypse is, in fact, not happening. So we go back to Anathema and Newt. Anathema just goes like, “Well, if every time you fix the computer it destroys itself, why don't you try fixing this so it'll destroy itself?” And he does, and it works. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. That is an accurate summary of it.

G: That is the fucking punchline to the entire buildup.

C: His whole thing.

G: Yeah. Death is like, over there, standing by himself. And he goes, "Yeah. t's not gonna happen, you guys. I'm not gonna die." And then he disappears.

C: Okay, he says, "Good day, gentlemen," and then Madame Tracy says, "Cheek" and Pepper says "Cheek." Is that because he said gentlemen, and they're the two women who are in the scene at the time? Like, is that what that was about?

G: I didn't read it this that, I guess.

C: What did you read it as? Just like, "Oh, like, he's being full of himself by saying that he'll never die"?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. I hope it was that. It's weird that they were the two that said "Cheek."

G: Yeah. I get what you mean.

C: I mean, I hope it wasn't that-

G: I hope that's not the intention.

C: - but that would sure be crazy. [G laughs] Neil Gaiman is just like, "Oh, these supernatural beings are sexless, and they don't understand gender. But also, Death is sexist." Like, War is also sexist, but I get that. She was an invention of humanity. But Death cannot be sexist, right? Like, that's actual Death.

G: Yeah. Death disappears.

C: Uglyass visuals.

G: There's like- Oh, by the way, we haven't been talking about the God narrations. They're stupid.

C: It doesn't matter.

G: None of it matters.

C: Like, we already know everything. It's like, yeah, the Them are facing off against the Horsemen. I can see it on my TV screen, God.

G: Anyway, Aziraphale is, you know, having fun. He is quite happy. Like, "Oh my god! You see? It's over."

C: He says, "It' just- It's as I've always said." which [laughs], bro, you did not- you were not always saying this. [G laughing] You tried to shoot an 11-year-old five minutes ago.

G: Literally!

C: You were not saying this. You didn't say any of it. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Crowley is a bit more apprehensive because, you know, Heaven and Hell still want to duke it out, so she goes to Adam and says, "Yeah. You know, good job for saving the world, etc. But it won't make a difference because, you know. They still want their war." And Anathema comes out, and Newt is also there, and she sees Crowley and Aziraphale, and she's like, “Oh my god! You guys stole my book!” Crowley throws the book back at her, and, I don't know. There's like, a little- a thing that falls out, flies down.

C: Yeah, it's a prophecy scrap.

G: Yeah, Aziraphale catches it. God, Aziraphale looks so good this episode.

C: Good for him.

G: Anathema asks like, the situation, and at first, Crowley and Aziraphale are like, "No, we're not- we're not- It's too long." But she's like, "No, come on." And Aziraphale starts from the very beginning -

C: [laughs] He's so cute.

G: - and starts talking about like, "Oh, like, in the garden, there was a- [both] well, he was a wily old serpent."

C: Aw. "And I was technically on apple tree duty."

G: On apple fucking tree duty.

C: He's soo cute. And the whole time, Crowley's looking at him like, "Man, are you serious?" and then at the end, sort of goes like, "Shh-shh," and like, does like, the choir director gesture to shut your mouth. And I think that they're so cute and also in love.

G: And speaking of in love-

C: God!

G: Adam asks if, you know, Anathema stopped the blowing up the world shit, and she goes, "Yeah. My boyfriend helped me." [C groans]

C: What if we just all died forever.

G: While watching this episode, I tried to examine my heart and soul, and I was like, "You know, maybe I'm judging Newt too harshly, and maybe I shan't- Like, maybe I should accept love in my heart or whatever." [C laughs] And then I woke up the next day, and I decided that I shall never accept Newt ever in my life.

C: Good.

G: Do any of these people show up in Season 2? I doubt it. I don't think it's that kind of season.

C: You'll see, I suppose.

G: Ugh. I hope Newt disappears forever. God.

C: Why would Anathema decide this? What would make her want this? What is even happening? She's not into him. She isn't.

G: I mean, the thing is, I am a firm believer of like, "You know, like, sometimes you can't explain love," blah blah blah. But like, this isn't that, you know? This isn't like, "Oh, they have this inexplicable connection." [C laughs] It's that Neil Gaiman is so bad [laughing] at writing Anathema and Newt.

C: At writing, period.

G: Yeah. So, yeah. I hate it so much.

C: It's the worst.

G: It's like, "Oh, there's a guy. And there's a girl. Oh my god!" You know, it's like that.

C: Can I make it any more obvious?

G: It's so bad, you guys. It's so bad.

C: It's so- And the worst part is when Pepper looks at Anathema and shakes her head and goes, "Another deluded victim of the patriarchy."

G: [laughing] And she is.

C: She- [laughing] she li- Like, it's such- it's like a lamp-shaded, like, "Oh, I know that you guys are gonna like, not like this relationship, so I'm just gonna toss this line in to be like, 'If you don't like this, you're stupid. You're stupid. You're like Pepper saying a stupid sentence. How do you feel about being stupid, huh? Now, accept Anewthema into your heart before I kill you.'" [G laughs] Like, Neil Gaiman, you can just kill me. [both laugh] Anyway. This doesn't matter. Except it does, and I'm so mad. [G laughs]

G: I hate it so much. No, I hate it so much.

C: I just- all of Pepper's things are like, "Oh, isn't it so funny that this-"

G: "I'm a girl! And I'm going to say something that a girl would say." Fuck off.

C: Yeah, "I'm a girl!" But it's more like, "I'm a girl, and my mom is a sociology professor-" and I think the main joke is supposed to be that she uses big words, but it is just like a, "I'm a girl, and I'm against sexism, but I don't actually understand feminism, and everything I say is just to feminism seem stupid!" Like, okay. Thanks, Neil Gaiman.

G: Yeah. And I also don't wanna come off as like, "I hate straight ships," whatever. [C laughing]

C: What?

G: No, that is a concern of mine. But, like, I- [laughs] It's so bad, though, you guys. Like, if you want me to ship a straight ship, why not make it good?

C: Yeah. If you want me to ship a straight ship, why not make it not straight? [G laughs] Yeah. God, they're so boring. They're so boring.

G: It's so bad!

C: Like, it's a fun premise. It's literally like, a witch and a witchfinder, like, the descendant of two people who, like, one of them killed the other one. It's a fun concept. And this is just not- It's not doing anything for me due to how it is bad, and how she's like, literally not into him.

G: Yeah. And like, you know, this could- exact same story, but like- I mean exact same like, script, maybe, but like, they make- like, if they checked for like, "Oh, do these two actors have chemistry?" [C laughs] It's just that they also don't! There's nothing!

C: Yeah. Yeah. Newt's whole thing is just like, "I'm a nervous virgin, and like, this is like, a girl who's hot and in my area." And like, yeah, sure. And Anathema's just not into him!

G: And she's not. She's not, you guys.

C: She's not into him, so I don't get it. Anyway, yeah, she is literally an aromantic lesbian, and I think part of that is because [laughs] her actress isn't very good at having chemistry with Newt's actor. But you know what, it gave me my headcanon, and I'm gonna sit with that headcanon and curse Neil Gaiman and everything. Oh, also, I think the prophecy specifically says, "When all is said and all is done, you must choose your faces wisely, for soon enough you will be playing with fire."

-

C: Alright, so, Gabriel and Beelzebub appear out of- Well, Gabriel's a lightning bolt and Beelzebub rises from the ground. And Beelzebub's Earth look, different from zir Hell one. There's no blood on the face, and there's like, a very fun furry fly hat thing. Gabriel looks the same as ever.

G: By the way, I have a question. 'Cause like, in Heaven, they have gold accents. Does Gabriel have one?

C: I don't think so.

G: Huh. Why is that?

C: Yeah, I mean, I think it's just a fashion thing, so he was just like, "Not for me."

G: He DGAF. Yeah, I don't know. I just found, now that I notice that like, "Oh, the only two ones who don't have anything are Gabriel and Aziraphale," and I was trying to think if that means anything. But I don't know. Maybe, probably not.

C: Yeah, I think Gabriel's thing is that he has violet eyes.

G: Yeah, I suppose.

C: Like, that's his his Heaven fashion thing. But yeah, you're right. It is a little odd.

G: Also, I know some spoilers from Season 2.

C: Oh, regarding-

G: Beelzebub? Yeah.

C: And- yeah.

G: Gabriel, yeah. So. First meeting! Is it- are they- I mean, tell me if like-

C: If they're compelling in any way, shape, or form. No. What?

G: Do the fandom like them?

C: Neil Gaiman literally fucking- He needs to log off before he becomes the worst writer [G laughs] that anyone's ever seen.

G: [laughing] That's not my question.

C: And he said that when he originally wrote them, there was like, nothing there, and then he was like, "Oh, but then I saw, like, the way the fandom reacted to them, and then I was like, 'Oh, that could be interesting!' So then I put it in Season 2." Like, log off! Log off! [G laughing] Never darken my Tumblr door step anymore. Like, what's wrong with you? [G laughing] Like, oh, you're just gonna make a fandom crackship canon. Okay. Whatever. Log off! But yeah, they were sort of pair-the-sparesed together after Season 1. I don't- I don't wanna disparage anyone who like, ships them genuinely. Like, go for it. It's an interesting concept, and, I mean, they do seem to have like, a rapport that could be built up after this. Live your life. Neil Gaiman, be fucking for real.

Crowley does like, a fun little mocking curtsy when the two of them appear, and Aziraphale straightens his bow tie. Beelzebub calls Crowley a traitor, and eventually, you know, they go-

G: "That's not a nice word."

C: [laughs] "All the other words I have for you are worse." They go up to Adam, and Gabriel's, very like, brisk, clasping his hands, like, "Hi. Young man. Armageddon must restart right now." and his argument is that this battle is for the greater good. Beelzebub is saying that this is Adam's destiny, "It is written, so start the war." Adam's like, "You both want to end the world just to see whose gang is best?" And Gabriel is like, "Yeah, I mean, it's the Great Plan. It's the point of the creation of the Earth."

G: I found that fascinating that that's the point of the creation of the Earth. Just to be a fucking playground.

C: Yeah, yeah. It's interesting. It does make me wonder- like, we discussed what the actual Apocalypse was gonna be, and we still don't really know. Like, what was the point of the humans if Earth was just supposed to be the battleground for good and evil or whatever the fuck, right? G: Yeah. Like, why make life in the first place?

C: Yeah. We don't get a lot of details about that. And it is, like, heavily implied that it's just a battleground, blah blah blah.

G: It's not even, you know, like, last or whatever episode, you said, like, maybe it's like, "The amount of souls that they get influences their power." But then, like, we hear, like, when Dagon was doing the speech, he goes, "All of you used to be angels." So that's not the case.

C: Yeah, yeah. So like, none of the demons are like, humans who went to Hell. Like, those people are not gonna battle it out at all. Yeah. And also, there's the deleted scene I didn't mention last time where Aziraphale possesses like, a televangelist or a radio evangelist, or whatever. And when he's describing the Apocalypse, which I'm assuming is a pretty accurate description, he's just saying that, yeah, like, people are just going to- like, it's just gonna be Heaven and Hell fighting, and he says that like, there's not going to be any rapture. Like, "who has time to go round popping people up in the air to sneer at the people dying below them?" You know, he also says that it's just gonna be fire falling, seas turning to blood. He says, "You lot are all going to be civilian casualties. Whatever side you're on, they're going to kill everyone and let God sort it out." So like, yeah, what was the point of humanity if that-? But like, I mean, I guess these questions are the point, right? The point is that the Apocalypse wasn't supposed to happen, and this was a test of Adam the whole time, right?

G: Yeah. Well, test of Adam?

C: Yeah. What do you think?

G: You think it's a test of Adam?

C: Doesn't it make sense? Like, God sent Jesus to live among the humans. It's the same thing. Like, "Let's send the son of Satan to live among the humans and see if he's able to pick up free will and like, love for the earth." Who do you think it's a test of?

G: I mean, there's the whole apple-eating business at the end. I've been trying to think about it, but not too much, [laughs] 'cause I'm thinking about other things. I mean, my point is like, I did try to think about it, and I'm like, "Man, who even give a shit," and then I stopped thinking about it, hoping that you have thought about it. Let's get into it later.

C: Okay, well, I have, and I've concluded that- Anyway. Yeah, that's the entire reason for the creation of the Earth, etc. And then Beelzebub tries with, "Hey, Adam, like, when all this is over, you're going to get to rule the world. Don't you want to rule the world?" But Adam says-

G: I love the way Beelzebub talks so much. I feel like this is the first episode where I actually got to hear them, like, speak for long, 'cause, I mean, we heard them, I think, in Episode 1, but like, not much!

C: Yeah.

G: Crowley goes to Hell and then talks, and, you know.

C: Yeah, ze says some things.

G: Yeah, some things. But like, this is the first one that's like, you know, prolonged speaking. Oh, and what a lovely speech pattern! And like, my first thought was like, "Maybe Crowley got the drama from somewhere."

C: Maybe so. Adam goes, "It's hard enough having to think of things for Pepper and Wensley and Brian to do all the time so they don't get bored. I've got all the world I want."

G: That's such a funny fucking line. I love it so much.

C: And okay, these are like, Adam's two lines here are, you know, like, "All the world I want" and earlier, "You just want to see whose gang is best," and that is- Neil Gaiman cut a lot. Adam's speech in the book is way way way longer. Like, his first thing, before he gets to this point is about like, "'I don't see why everything has to be destroyed. Like, even if you win, you can't really beat the other side, because you don't really want to. I mean, not for good. You'll just start all over again. You'll just keep on sending people like these two,' he pointed to Crowley and Aziraphale, 'to mess people around. It's hard enough being people as it is, without other people coming and messing you around.'" which, like, I think some of that is covered in Aziraphale’s speech to the angels, like, before they try to Fall him or discorporate him or whatever. So sure. Okay, we have some of that. I think it's unfortunate that it was given to a not-human character when it it's like, meant to be a book about humanism, whatever. Then he goes on and says some shit about how, like, "Anyway, if you stop telling people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive. If I was in charge, I'd try making people live a lot longer, like ole Methuselah. It'd be a lot more interesting, and they might start thinking about the sort of things they're doing to all the environment and ecology, because they'll still be around in a hundred years." So like, he cut that. It's nice to have to let Adam have a moment, and it's unfortunate that he didn't. So then, after that, in the book and in the show, Gabriel and the Beelzebub are talking about how "You can't just refuse your birth, your destiny." Blah blah blah. And Adam first says like, "I'm not rebelling against anything. I'm pointing out things. Seems to me you can't blame people for pointing out things. Seems to me it'd be a lot better not to start fighting and just see what people do. If you stop messing them about, they might start thinking properly, and they might stop messing the world about. I'm not saying they would, but they might." So like, again, nice that he gets time. Back to show, right? So Aziraphale goes up and stands behind Adam's shoulder and says, "Excuse me. You keep talking about the Great Plan. One thing I'm not clear on, is that the Ineffable Plan?" And Gabriel and Beelzebub start looking confused, and Beelzebub goes, "The Great Plan. It izz written. There shall be a world, and it shall last for 6000 years and end in fire and flame." And Aziraphale again is like, "Okay, yeah, yeah, that's the Great Plan. But like, is that also the Ineffable Plan?" And Crowley realizes-

G: In the back, yeah.

C: - what Aziraphale is going for. And then she goes up and stands behind Adam's other shoulder, and doing her fun little stammering thing the whole time, is like, "Well, it would be a pity if you thought you were doing what the Great Plan said, but you were actually going directly against God's Ineffable Plan. I mean, everyone knows the Great Plan, yeah? And then it cuts to Anathema nodding and Newt shaking his head, which I thought was fun. And then they go, "But the Ineffable Plan is- well, it's ineffable, isn't it? By definition we can't know it." Gabriel and Beelzebub, getting confused at this. And Gabriel goes, "God does not play games with the universe." [both] And Crowley goes, "Where have you been?" And, okay, here is where there's a line that I'm so angry Neil Gaiman cut. So Adam, okay, after Crowley says this, book goes, "Everyone found their eyes turning toward Adam. He seemed to be thinking very carefully. Then, he said, 'I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out.' A breeze swept across the airfield. Overhead, the assembled host rippled like a mirage. There was the kind of silence there might have been on the day before creation. Adam stood smiling at the two of them, a small figure perfectly poised exactly between Heaven and Hell." And then this is when the Metatron in the book- who's, instead of Gabriel- this is when the Metatron and Beelzebub are like, "Okay, let's go back to head office and hash this out." Like, Neil Gaiman cutting this line, like, completely changes, like, the tone of this scene, right? Like, in the book like, this is the convincing line. Like, "It doesn't matter what is written. If it's about humans, it can always be crossed out in the show." But in the show, it's just like, "Haha! Funny! They're like, confused about like, bureaucracy and titles of things." Like, who give a shit?

G: Yeah, I mean, because the thing is, I've brought up constantly that this show is playing with, you know, themes of- what's that? [both] Free will, fate, whatever whatever. And, you know, [laughs] like, the whole like, "Well, I mean, the actual plan is different from the plan that you were told, so like-" It doesn't fly with me. Like, when it was said, I was like, "Oh, Jesus fucking Christ." So I think if they put that Adam line in there, I would like it so, so, so, so much more. Yeah.

C: Yeah. So would I! So would I, Grey. I would also like it a lot more.

G: What they're trying to say here is that, "Oh, you think this is the plan. But actually, it isn't. And you're wrong about which plan there is."

C: "God is confusing, and you don't get it."

G: Yeah, the whole point should be like, "It doesn't matter if there's a plan. Like, it doesn't matter."

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Oh, they character assassinated my little boy.

C: They did. They character assassinated Adam. Like, god. I just can't believe Neil Gaiman, a writer who claims to have an understanding of things like theme, [G laughs] would just completely misunderstand what he wrote in the first place or decide to rewrite it into a way less interesting and way worse version. Like, you fucked everything by taking that line out, Neil Gaiman!

G: Probably.

C: It's so, so, so so so annoying. The only interesting thing about- Okay, so yeah, basically, you know, the two of them, Gabriel and Beelzebub, they like, have a word in private, and they're like, "Ah, shit. We're gonna have to call off the war. Imagine how annoying that's gonna be for both of us." blah blah blah. But I am sort of interested in how both sides still are doing things according to the Plan. Like, Hell didn't lose faith in God. They just don't really like how Heaven operates. Like, they don't even have an issue with any of God's plans. They aren't trying to go against them. They're like, once they think they're going against God's plans, they stop doing the thing. That's like, interesting, I guess.

G: Yeah, I think it is interesting, and it also distinctly separates Crowley and Aziraphale from the lot. And by "the lot," I mean angels and demons alike.

C: Yeah. It does. Yup.

G: Except [laughs], the way they do it in the TV show is so bad! Now I understand what you're saying. Like, "Don't you think it's a test of Adam?" And it's like, yeah! I mean, if it was the book, like, yeah, it's a test of Adam. But like, literally, in the TV show, it's a test of Aziraphale, like, we've been saying this. And I feel like that does make it a weaker story.

C: That's true. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Ah! So-

G: Whatever.

C: Whateber. So Gabe turns back around and goes, “Well, at least we know whose fault it is!”

G: And then they give a little wave!

C: Yeah. Yeah. Aziraphale does a cute little wave, and Crowley does like, a grimace grin, and Adam just stands there. They're cute. And, you know, Gabriel and Beelzebub finish up with, "Young man. You were put on this earth for one reason and one reason only. To end it! You're a disobedient little brat, and I hope someone tells your father." and Beelzebub informs everyone that they will tell his father, and his father will not be pleased. Great-

G: Who told- [both laughing]

C: Okay, so Beelzebub just insta-send messages to Satan, or...

G: Yeah.

C: Grey, I'm giving you an opening!

G: No! [laughing] I don't even know how to do it?

C: What?

G: Man, who told that fucking journalist? [both laughing]

C: I know, but I was like, talking over you, so I thought you might want a clean take-

G: [laughing] I think this joke is too inside. This joke is too inside to make any sense to anyone. [C laughs]

C: Okay, you know the point- the point of us saying this on the podcast is just so that we can like, post the video on our Tumblr-

G: Continue referencing it. Yeah. [laughs]

C: Okay, guys, we're gonna post a link to a YouTube video on our Tumblr [G laughing], and it's going to be a comparison of two scenes of David Tennant playing like, Alec Hardy, or whatever his name is- yeah, Alec Hardy in Broadchurch, and then in the American remake of Broadchurch, called Gracepoint. It's gonna be 26 minutes- sorry. 26 seconds.

G: 26 seconds long!

C: Sorry, it's gonna be 26 seconds long. I encourage everyone, especially people who have American accents, to watch it. [G laughing]

G: It is the funniest 26 seconds you will ever spend in your life. [C laughs] Yeah. "Who told that jurnalist?"

C: Grey and I independently changed our Discord statuses to the same line in that video-

G: At the same time!

C: - it's soo funny! What if it's not even funny? [laughing] Okay, everyone, if you watch it, you have to go into our inbox and tell that it's the funniest thing ever. Thank you! [G laughs]

G: No, but like, the thing is, the family's lives are destroyed, and we screw it up and make it worse! [both laughing] It's so bad! Oh, god.

C: Okay. Anyway! So, so, so. Okay, so Gabriel and Beelzebub disappear. And then there's another interaction between Anathema and Adam this time that's in the book that Neil Gaiman cut, and I don't like it. I don't like that they cut it. So that scene goes, "'But you can't just leave it at that! said Anathema, pushing forward. 'Think of all the things you could do! Good things.' 'Like what?' said Adam suspiciously. 'Well, you could bring all the whales back, to start with.' He put his head on one side. 'And that'd stopped people killing them?' She hesitated. It would have been nice to say yes. 'And if people do start killing 'em, what would you ask me to do about 'em?' said Adam. 'No. I reckon I'm gettin' the hang of this now. Once I start messing around like that, there'd be no stopping it. Seems to me the only sensible thing is for people to know if they kill a whale, they've got a dead whale.'" It's a nice interaction. I just- of all the things I listed, definitely want the "It can be crossed out if it's about humans." Everything else, I can take or leave, but I just think that, like, in terms of how you're allocating time during the episode, like, just give Adam more lines. He can just have any of the ones in the book. There's a plethora of lines in the book you could just give him so that he has more screentime so that this is about free will and humanity and the Apocalypse instead of about just anything else. How Neil Gaiman thinks he's so smart for doing a body swap. You know? You know? You know? That'd be nice. Like, he had enough time to just throw in Anathema going, "There are no volcanoes in England!" but like, he doesn't have time for any of the rest of this shit. Like, fuck off. It's not even funny. It's not funny!

G: I mean, the thing, I think the main mistake is that- I wouldn't call it mistake. I like that it happened. Whatever. The main thing, the main difference would be that the book is about themes and motifs and whatnot, it appears to be, I guess, but the show is about Aziraphale and Crowley. If you wanted to make a show about Aziraphale  and Crowley, then just write a different story. Like, write a before the Apocalypse or after the Apocalypse story.

C: Maybe you'll like, Season 2.

G: [laughs] Shut up. No, but the thing is like, if you're trying to write this story, and then you decide 30 years into it being written that, "Oh, I'm going to make it about just mostly about these two specific characters specifically," it becomes, like, it comes with diminishing the  other characters in the story. So now, instead of like, having a full body of a story, it's like, there's this good parts, and then we're skipping through the ones that are bad. We're like, fucking pushing through with it. And that is very much what this episode feels like. Like, we're just pushing through with the Adam scenes and the Anathema scenes and the Shadwell and Tracy scenes. Because, like, "Oh, we need to go back to the Aziraphale and Crowley stuff." It's like, "Why don't you just make everything good?" [C laughing] Just make everything good, you know?

C: Yeah. That'd be nice. I would like if everything was good. Oh well.

G: Just kill Newt, Neil Gaiman. [C laughs] You can do it. Like, what if Satan, like, rose from the depths of Hell and then just killed Newt? [C laughing] And then the rest of the scene happened, and then he, you know, erupts into flames or whatever? But Newt is dead! Perma-dead, even.

C: Yeah. What if?

G: Adam doesn't bother to bring him back, yeah.

C: Yeah. Maybe Shadwell can also be caught by a stray flame, you know? If we're dreaming big.

G: I mean, they perma-killed Ligur, I believe.

C: They did, I think. Or else it would've been him bringing the hellfire up.

G: Yeah, or like, he would be in the trial. They should have fucking perma-killed that- I'm such a hater. [C laughs] I'm so sorry. Are there people who genuinely like Newt?

C: Yeah, I think so.

G: Ugh. Why?

C: I think that he- doesn't he have like, a certain brand of like, white boy charm that some people are into? Like, some people like, when men are bubbling-

G: I feel so bad for straight girls. [C laughing] I feel so bad for them. Am I allowed to say that? Is that so condescending? I mean that genuinely. I do feel bad for them. [both laughing]

C: [laughing] Does that not make- Does that make it less or more condescending? [G laughs] I mean, I'm sure there are girls who aren't straight who are into him.

G: Yeah. But at least they have other options.

C: Yeah. Straight girls also have other options. There's other men out there.

G: Yeah, but if you like Newt... It's over for you. [both laughing]

C: So the ground starts shaking. Crowley's hit with like, a sudden burst of pain and falls to the floor. And they can sense that Satan's coming up. And we have a horrible moment with Shadwell and Tracy where he's like, "If anyone wants to hurt the w-slur of Babylon, they're gonna have to get past me!" and she's like, so into it, and going like, "Oh, Mr. Shadwell!" and clutching onto him and shit. Crowley says that like, "There is nothing we can do about this." Okay, let me find the specific line. Okay, well, first he goes to Aziraphale, like, "Well, that was that. It was nice knowing you." And Aziraphale says, “We can't give up now.” And Crowley says, “This is Satan himself. It isn't about Armageddon. This is personal. We are fucked!” And she's looking up at Aziraphale with her big yellow serpent doe eyes, and then Aziraphale picks up his flaming sword-

G: His sword. It's not flaming yet.

C: Okay, his not flaming sword. and he goes, "Come up with something, or..." and then he raises his sword, which he previously had by his side, and Crowley looks at him with like, this disbelieving expression on his face, and then Aziraphale lowers the sword and goes, "Or I'm never gonna talk to you-" or "I'll never talk to you again." And you had some thoughts about this.

G: I mean, my thoughts were, "Wow! That sure did happen." [C laughs]

C: Nothing else? Okay. Well.

G: What are your thoughts? And I'll cheers to it or something.

C: I, okay, I would first like to point out the deviations from the script here, because what it says in the script is, "Aziraphale picks up the sword from the ground, and holds it awkwardly, as if it might go off. He’s not threatening Crowley with it, just making his point that he can do dangerous out-of-character things if he needs to." And then it goes, "Aziraphale: Come up with something, or . . . Or I’m never going to talk to you again." And then it goes, "Crowley nods. That one hurts. What the hell. Crowley snaps his fingers . . . and time stops." But he is threatening them with it in the show. Like, it's not just holding the sword awkwardly. He raises it on the "or" before putting it back down. Like, it is like, a very quick second of like, "Oh, god! Like, obviously, I can't actually do this." But he does raise the sword! Like, that sure does happen. And, well. Wow! G: Oh! I remember why you think I have something to say about it is because I did say something to you about it, which is that I cannot imagine like, Crowley after this still being like, "Yeah, we're fine." I said that, right? Well.

C: Yeah.  You said that- did you say something specific about how there's no way he comes out of this thinking that Aziraphale loves him or something?

G: Yeah, I think that's what I said, yeah.

C: And you still feel that way?

G: I don't know.

C: Honestly, I find it more hurtful that Aziraphale wouldn't let her have her moment with the car than this. [laughs] Like, this barely is a blip on my radar.

G: I mean, they need to do a lot of talking. Lots of talking. And they won't even fucking do it! There's ask that we received that I've been thinking about a lot. The one that asked like, "Oh, isn't it so wild that Aziraphale and Crowley will just have a fight and then, like, never talk about it ever, and then, like, somehow, they're fine still?" And you said that like, the way they are with their head offices and stuff is like, they'll tell head office something, and then head office will go like, "Okay" or "Boo" or whatever, but like, there's no like, actual way to like, redeem yourself or whatever, so it's very much a "We have a disagreement. Let's not talk for a while." And then we talk again. "Fine. I don't really care about the disagreement anymore. Let's proceed." And I was thinking about that, and then I was thinking about how Crowley does say sorry in Episode 4, but it's not- It's not understood. It's not a "sorry" that is like, "I did something wrong, and I understand, and this is how we fix it." It's still in the vein of, "Let's just put it aside. Let's just- let's just forget about it."

C: Yeah. "Whatever I said, I didn't mean it." Like, you probably did, though.

G: Yeah. And this one, the "Come up with something, or I'll never talk to you again." I don't think Aziraphale means it, but it's the fact that it is said to hurt Crowley. Like, that is the point, right? Like, this is said to be like, "I will hurt you. I have the ability to hurt you, and I will do it if you don't do this." And like, whether it will actually be done or not, that's not the point. The point is the threat. And, I don't know. These are just threads. I have no point to make. It's just-

C: Yeah. Nor do I. Yeah, this is like, "Well, what's the worst thing I could do to them? This." Which is, wow.

G: And the answer is just "never talk to you again."

C: Yeah. The last time I had a conversation about this was like, four years ago or something. And I think one of my friends was like, “And Aziraphale was so mean in that scene,” and I was like, so lost in the Aziraphale sauce that I was like, "Well, he's just stating a fact. [laughs] If they all die, they really can't talk to each other again." I don't think that's true. Or, I mean, it is true, but I don't think that's what he meant. But like, it does make me think about the prescriptive versus descriptive argument for the Garden of Eden, where God tells, like, Adam and Eve like, "If you eat the fruit, you'll die." And like, people's like, debate is like, "Does God mean that like, 'This is just gonna happen as a side effect of the fruit,' or 'Me, upon knowing you eat the fruit, will cause it so that you will die.'" So that's the like- second one's prescriptive, first one's descriptive. And like, this is like, a debate, or like, a conversation we had in like, my Biblical literature class, but like, in the end, it doesn't really matter, 'cause like, God made the fruit and the garden and all that stuff. And yeah, I think that in the end, it doesn't really matter what Aziraphale meant by there 'cause either way, it's still shitty and terrible. But also like, whatever. I honestly don't think Crowley cares about this that much. Like, you think that it hurts her very deeply.

G: I don't think very deeply. Like, the thing is like, the both of them are like, so good with just brushing things off, right? I do- I don't want to say I don't care, but like, I care more about the fact that Aziraphale was like, "I am going to say something hurtful" than, like, whether Crowley was actually hurt. I think the reason why I like Aziraphale so much is because I feel like there is no apprehension in making him mean. He is quite mean, isn't he?

C: Yeah.

G: I like that. [laughing]

C: We got an ask recently that was like, "Does Aziraphale think Crowley's that self-loathing?" And my answer, I was like, "Well, if Aziraphale thought that Crowley, like, hated themself for being a demon, like, surely, he wouldn't say all that shit, right?" But like, [laughs] maybe he would. Maybe he would still say all that shit.

G: Wwe've been doing a whole lot of "When you're, you know, in distress, you do a lot of things out of character." Is it even, you know?

C: Is it even.

G: I know that by the end of Season 2, Aziraphale- I don't actually know what happens at the end of Season 2. I don't know the lead-up to it or whatever.

C: There's not.

G: I don't even know if this is true, I'm just saying it, but I think Aziraphale leaves Crowley. I don't know if that is the truth. Maybe Crowley leaves Aziraphale. Either way, they separate.

C: I'd say that both of them would have different answers to that question.

G: Every single time I come across anything from that episode, Season 2, Episode 6, it's always like, "Aziraphale does something or says something unbelievably mean" or like, severely misunderstanding the situation, or like, stupid or whatever. And it's like, "Yeah." I'm not trying to say that he's a bad person. That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just saying that, like, people are complex, and I like that he's complex. I think where the crux of this comes from is that he is the angel in the relationship. 'Cause, like, the thing with Crowley, is like, "Oh, Crowley's a demon, but we're trying to prove that Crowley is, you know, good and all that."

C: Yeah. Like, I already knew that, like, day one. Like, you don't have to keep working so hard on that.

G: Yeah, but like, with Aziraphale, it's kind of the opposite thing, right? Like, "Oh, here's an angel, but we have to prove that the angel has bad qualities and stuff." And the thing is like, if we're talking like, bad qualities in terms of the Catholic sense or whatever [C laughs], the fact that he's a hedonist, well, pretty- I mean, yeah. But like, it doesn't flow now to us as our like, modern understanding of good and bad. So Aziraphale does actually have to do things that are bad. I don't know. I mean, from what I understand, we'll see more of this in Season 2, and I'm really looking forward to it! Who would have thought?

C: We'll see. We'll see.

G: Yeah, no? Do you think the the meanness is out of character in Season 2?

C: I don't know. I think that there's an insufficient buildup to whatever his mindset is at the end. [G sighs] But, you know, insufficient buildup to the finales is what Neil Gaiman's all about, baby! So Aziraphale literally said, "Come up with something, or I'll never talk to you again." Ahh! And Crowley stops time. So let's take a little- a little minute, a little minute to compare this scene to the one in the book. I- You're not even gonna have to read the book after this podcast. I literally read aloud every passage that's better. Like, the rest of it- the rest of the book is just like, jokes that aren't funny. [laughs] So-

G: I mean, you didn't- Oh, by the way, I started reading the book, for the audience. You didn't even say one of my favorite lines I've come across so far.

C: Which one?

G: Which is that, "Why are we even talking about Heaven and Hell. These are just words. Like, we both know this is fake." Yeah. "We know that." I like that part so much.

C: Yeah, it's a good line. Yeah. Anyway, so in the book, like, the two of them have like, run to the jeep, and Crowley's like, trying to get away. So it goes:

In the jeep, Crowley was cursing. Aziraphale laid a hand on his shoulder. "There are humans here," he said. "Yes," said Crowley. "And me." "I mean we shouldn't let this happen to them." "Well, what-" Crowley began, and stopped. "I mean, when you think about it, we've got them into enough trouble as it is. You and me. Over the years. What with one thing and another." "We were only doing our jobs," muttered Crowley. "Yes. So what? Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused." "You don't mean we should actually try to stop Him?" "What have you got to lose?" Crowley started to argue, and realized that he hadn't anything. There was nothing he could lose that he hadn't lost already. They couldn't do anything worse to him than he had coming to him already. He felt free at last. He also felt under the seat and found a tire iron. It wouldn't be any good, but then, nothing would. In fact it'd be much more terrible facing the Adversary with anything like a decent weapon. That way you might have a bit of hope, which would make it worse. Aziraphale picked up the sword lately dropped by War, and hefted its weight thoughtfully.

That's it. That's in the book. He's perfectly niceys in the book. He has a good line!

G: Wait, which- what- What's the replacement?

C: This is like, how Aziraphale convinces Crowley to do something in the book.

G: [laughing] What is Neil Gaiman doing? [both laughing] Wwell, I mean, okay, fine.

C: It's more dramatic. It's more like, fun for the screen, for the whatever. I get that. But like, "There are humans here. And, I mean, we shouldn't let this happen to them."! What a nice Aziraphale moment!

G: I mean, I don't know who brought it up. Was it- was there recently an ask about how, like, there's no humans in Good Omens that matter? [laughs]

C: Yeah, I think we did.

G: Yeah. Another thing that I've been thinking about. Because, like, they do not give a single shit about anyone. [C laughs] I think we've had this conversation last episode. I mean, I'm not saying that they should like, love people, whatever. But they should a little bit. [laughs] They should a little bit!

C: I mean, Crowley says, "Lovely, clever humans inventing cars and windshields. They didn't have any cars back in the fourteenth century." [G laughs]

G: Yeah. I suppose so!

C: Yeah, okay, and second- second thing. So, in the book. like, after Crowley gets convinced to stay behind and fight- you know, in the show they have him say, "Nice knowing you," and later, the rest of the lines that are said here get transposed to the ending scene of this episode, but in the book, they're about to face Satan, and this is when we get:

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley. "I'd just like to say," he said, "if we don't get out of this, that...I'll have known, deep down inside, that there was a spark of goodness in you." "That's right," said Crowley bitterly. "Make my day." Aziraphale held out his hand. "Nice knowing you," he said. Crowley took it. "Here's to the next time," he said. "And . . . Aziraphale?" "Yes." "Just remember I'll have known that, deep down inside, you were just enough of a bastard to be worth liking."

So okay, I wanna I wanna point out the difference mostly in Aziraphale’s lines, right? So in the show, he says, “I'd like to think none of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit a good person.” In the book, “If we don't get out of this, I'll have known, deep down inside, that there was a spark of goodness in you.” And the way that sentence structure works is that the "deep down inside" refers to “I'll have known,” not to the spark of goodness in Crowley, which means “This wouldn't have worked unless I knew, despite all my protestations and all of that, unless deep down inside, I understood that you are a good person,” which is quite different, than "if you were just sort of a good person." Like, you understand, right? Like, this is very different.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, the book one is about how Aziraphale was able to like, bring himself to trust Crowley.

G: "It's about me believing in you." Yeah. Yeah. You cannot see me right now. [laughs] I am holding my head in my hands. [both laugh] [G screams]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: So horrible. Everything is so horrible.

C: I don't hate the show version. I think it can be nice in its own way. It's like a fun, little- 'cause everything's done, right? Like, they're not facing death. And it's just like, a fun little teasing thing of like, "Well, you know, you keep saying you're not nice. But hey, look at you! Look at what happened. Maybe, now that no one's keeping score, you can finally accept the compliment that I think you're a nice person." That's fine, but like, I am very fond of the book version, too, and I'm sad it didn't happen. Crowley's line is basically the same, except the show changes are "worth liking" to "worth knowing." Everyone has made the "Biblically?" jokes already, so [both laugh] I have nothing else to say on that one. God, though. She literally would be appalled if she ever saw him try to be a saint, they wouldn't fall for someone they thought couldn't misbehave. "Nobody" by Hozier is really the song of all time.

Crowley, Aziraphale, and Adam end up in like, this, like, white plane of existence where time has stopped, and we see that Aziraphale and Crowley's wings are out.

G: Aziraphale does a neck crack.

C: Yeah, which we have both spoken about privately. [both laughing]

G: Sure did!

C: Sure did. Crowley has black wings, Aziraphale has white wings. They look okay.

G: Yeah.

C: Supernatural had the right idea when they did the shadows. Crowley puts on their sunglasses before talking to Adam, which I think is nice. Oh, also sad, but mostly nice. It's like, "Aw, I mean, like, you're a human. You're a kid, and I want you to be comfortable in this space when I'm talking to you, so I'll put my eyes away." Sorry, babe, but that was nice of you to do. She tells Adam like, "Hey. Your father's coming to destroy you, to destroy all of us." And Adam's like, "What? My dad wouldn't hurt anyone," but Crowley clarifies that this is Satan. And Adam's like, "I don't think I can fight him. I'm just a kid. I don't know what to come up with." And Aziraphale says his line about how it's not a bad thing to be a kid. "I was scared you'd be Hell incarnate. I hoped you'd be Heaven incarnate. But you aren't either of those things. You're better than that. You're human incarnate." And Crowley is like, "Okay, I'm gonna unstop time. Reality is gonna listen to you. You have to come up with a plan. You have to do it fast." And Aziraphale goes, "Whatever happens, for good or for evil, we're beside y-" You tried to kill him ten minutes ago! [both laughing] You tried to shoot a brick at him! Like, they each take one of Adam's hands, and it's like, none of this is fucking earned! Aziraphale, you tried to kill him. Crowley, you went over and went, "That's the one. Shoot him, Aziraphale!" Like, why would Adam trust you? Why did you-

G: I can't believe that so many of my predictions came true, but like, not in any way meaningful or fruitful or satisfying. You know what I mean? It's like, none this fucking matters, dude!

C: Like, yeah, he shot, and it does not matter. No one give a shit.

G: Yeah, now they're trying to protect this kid, but it doesn't matter. There's no emotional payoff!

C: It's stupid. It's stuupid. It's so, so stupid. Crowley uses her tire iron. Aziraphale uses his sword. And they sort of- they just crank reality back to present day, present time. Woohoo! Satan rises up from the ground. He's like, some big ole giant, red skinned, horned, like, ten horns on his head guy.

G: I was like, "This is Benedict Cumberbatch." C: That's what Benedict Cumberbatch looks like.

G: And then I heard the voice, and it's like, this is not Benedict Cumberbatch!

C: It doesn't sound like him. Like, there's- you could've cast anybody to say this.

G: You could have cast Logan Roy again as Satan.

C: You could have cast me. Like, there's enough voice filters for it to work. I mean, obviously, like, we'd get the discourse about Satan being trans [G laughs], but like, maybe there'd be enough voice filters that you can't tell. So it's all like, "Where's my rebellious son? Come here!" blah blah blah. And Adam walks up to him, and is like, "You're not my dad. Dads don't wait until you're 11 to say hello, and then turn up to tell you off. If I'm in trouble with my dad, that it won't be you. It's going to be the dad who stepped up!" [both laughing] he finishes writing on his T-shirt, and then hands it to Mr. Young. [both laughing] God, it's so fucking stupid! It's so fuucking stupid. Like, why would you at the last minute turn this into like, the dad who went out for cigarettes and newspaper and never came back sort of situation? We don't even see Adam interact with his dad, like, basically at all. Like, I have no clue how that relationship is. Like, does he even give a shit? Apparently, he does, according to what he's saying now, but like, there was no build up to this whatsoever. Like, there was no like, paralleling Satan with an absentee father thing. There was no strengthening of Adam and Mr. Young's relationship. If anything, the only parent we see Adam talk to solo is his mom, and also when he's like, having his big ole screaming match up in the sky, the thing that finally- the last thing that brings him back to reality is his mom saying, "Hello, Adam!" to him when he was a baby. Like, if you're gonna rely on any kind of parental relationship, neither of which has been strengthened during this show, to be like, what causes Adam to rewrite reality and poof Satan out, like, just, either use his mom or give like, some of his mom scenes to his dad.

G: Yeah. You know, maybe they should have made Lucifer transgender. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. So true! Do we even see Adam talk to his dad after this? Like, besides Mr. Young showing up and being like, "What's going on?" Exactly. It's just him talking to his mom, again! Like, what is- he should at least have a moment where he's like, looking at Mr. Young for longer than one would assume, and then says, like, "Thanks, Dad," or something, you know? Like, that's just like, how it would work in writing.

G: Even during the birth scene, right? We're supposed to think that Mr. Young was like, this kind of like, removed a little bit, like, he doesn't really want to be there when his wife gives birth. And then the scenes that we do see them together in, like, it's his mom who visits him in his room, and like, the only time they talk, I think, was when he was dismissing Adam. Yeah. Dismissing Adam while being like, "Yeah, it doesn't matter, Adam. I'm just gonna keep on watching TV."

C: Yeah, like, was he really the dad who stepped up? [G laughs]

G: That truly is such a fucking shirt.

C: Yeah, okay, to clarify for the audience, he doesn't say "It's gonna be the dad who stepped up." [both laugh] He said, "It's gonna be the dad who was there." [laughing] But he may as well have said "It's gonna be the dad who stepped up." Stupid as shit. [G laughing]

G: Yeah. Basically, at the end, he goes, "You are not my dad. [both] You never were." And that's the thing that, yeah.

C: Satan screams and explodes and dies 'cause Adam rewrote the past.

G: Asplodes and dies.

C: Yeah, 'cause Aziraphale goes- Okay, so basically, when the smoke clears, Mr. Young shows up and Aziraphale's like, "That's not really his father." Fuck off, Aziraphale. And then Crowley goes, "Well, it is. It is now. And it always was. He did it." And the scene ends with Mr. Young coming out of the car and going like, "Juh? Would anyone here care to explain to me what exactly is going on." And then, yeah, so that was the first 24 minutes of this episode. My review is that it was underwhelming and not funnay.

G: Not funnay.

C: Like, all of these "You're not my dad" lines are new. Like, they took away all the good ones in the book and just went- and just put this shit in.

G: Wait. Satan shows up in the book? No?

C: No, it's just- Mr. Young just shows up 'cause Adam already did the work inside of his head. [laughs]

G: Damn. Alright. [laughing]

C: They wanted to give Benedict Cumberbatch money soo bad. They wanted to cut him a giant, fat check for doing nothing soo bad.

G: So there literally is no Satan? There's no Satan in the book?

C: Like, he talks on the radio one time.

G: Well, yeah, but we don't see.

C: No.

G: Is there Gabriel? 'Cause you said there was Metatron.

C: Yeah, the Metatron shows up for this. The rest of it, there's no Gabriel.

G: At all?

C: No. Heaven doesn't check in on Aziraphale. [laughs] They let him do whatever the fuck he wants.

G: Oh, yeah, I heard that. Yeah. Well.

-

G: We go to Aziraphale and Crowley outside, and they're sitting on a bench, and it is your typical Aziraphale and Crowley bench positioning, where-

C: Yeah, there's a box between them.

G: Yeah, Aziraphale's on the left. manicured hands on the lap, and Crowley is just, yeah, sprawled out a little bit.

C: Before you say the first line, I want to say that they cut some lines in the script that I would have liked. Okay, first, before Aziraphale says what he says on the show, he says, "I'm sorry about the car. I know how much you liked it. Perhaps if you concentrated really hard..." and Crowley goes, "It wouldn't be the same. I had it from new, you know." And Aziraphale goes, "I do. Yes." And I get why they cut it. It sort of like, messes with the pacing. Would have been nice to have him acknowledge that he was being a bit pushy during the the soldier car scene, and that he actually does care that Crowley cares about the Bentley. Would have been a nice thing for my girl to hear. And I think it helps make up for some of the sword shit. Like, he's not apologizing directly for what he did, but there is like, a general vibe of like, "I still care about you as a person. It's not just about your time stop ability and shit."

G: In the end of show, the first line is Aziraphale saying, "It's all worked out for the best, though. Just imagine how awful it might have been if we'd been at all competent."

C: Real.

G: It's quite funny. I remember one time, I joked here that like, "Does Heaven really think that Aziraphale is so incompetent. [overlapping] They better, 'cause he is." [both laugh] Yeah. They better, because he is! And, you know what? I think he may as well be. And then they ponder over the prophecy that Aziraphale caught in the air, and yeah, they're just talking, and also, they're drinking wine, and they're passing it back and forth to each other. Which I thought was nice. I thought it was nice.

C: I did think it was nice. Also, in the script, it says Aziraphale wipes like, the mouth of the glass or the mouth of the bottle before he passes it back to Crowley, but he doesn't in the show. So, win. [laughs] Win for gay people everywhere

G: At some point, I was trying to monitor the wine, but like, at some point, I couldn't see it. I think they did an error in the-

C: I think they put it- or I think Aziraphale might put it down on the ground when he's handing the package back.

G: Crowley, very, very- every time Crowley says, "Angel," I'm like, "Aww!" But like, this specific scene... Jesus Christ.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Mm.

G: She goes, "Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this all along?"

C: And it really is a testament to how beautiful Crowley looks in this scene, that, like, I didn't immediately like, be angry at this line. [laughing] I was too busy looking at her neck and all that. But yeah. God. And they really do use the softest, gentlest, fondest fucking voice at this. And like, they're just fully looking at Aziraphale, head stretched back, all that shit. And, agh. I honestly didn't have a strong opinion on like, the free will stuff of Good Omens until our Episode 3 recording when you quoted “Jenny,” but like, now that you have, it's like, "Well, I don't like that that much."

G: I cannot wait for when Season 2 happens, and that all falls completely to pieces because God is also narrating that shit. Yeah. I don't know. Like, this whole conversation, what did you think of it? "Did the Almighty plan it all along?" Oh, yeah. So Crowley goes, "What if the Almighty planned it like this all along?" And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, could have." "From the very beginning?" And "I wouldn't put it past her." The way I want to interpret this is, they're not saying that like, this is- This not like, a reveal of faith, you know? It's not like, "This is what I believe in, and I'm telling you about it." This is kind of like, maybe Aziraphale is- Maybe Crowley is sensing that Aziraphale is a bit upset and like, something, maybe.

C: Oh, really? Okay. Upset about what?

G: And it's like, "Hey, you know." I don't know!

C: I don't think he's upset.

G: I mean, look at- look at Aziraphale’s face in this scene.

C: Oh, I wasn't. [G laughs] I have no clue what the fact that guy was doing or saying. I was looking at one thing, and one thing only.

G: I don't think Aziraphale's completely upset. But there is that like, denouement from, you know, an intense moment, and then it's like, they are very aware that they're gonna be in trouble with Heaven and Hell.

C: Maybe. I didn't see anything. But I trust that you're right.

G: It's just, you know, it's more banter than it is anything. But the thing is, like, if this is a conversation that they have, and they were real people, and they're having this conversation, it's like, nothing, you know what I mean? But because it's in a TV show, like, it's trying to tell the audience something, and that's what I don't like about it. It's like, yes, they would have this conversation as Aziraphale and Crowley, but I don't think they should have this conversation as Aziraphale and Crowley in the TV show Good Omens. Do you know what I mean?

C: I do know what you mean. I think I don't have as many issues with it as you do. I do take it- I take it to be like, I don't think it's Crowley expressing faith.

G: No, I don't think it's expressing faith.

C: I don't think that she doesn't believe it either, though. I think that it is a serious suggestion.

G: I think it's just somebody bringing up "What if?" You know, "What if?"

C: Yeah. I think it's a serious suggestion. And yeah. I don't hate it that much. Because I don't think "planned"- I don't think planned is like, it doesn't mean that God orchestrated every single bit of it. I just saw it as, like, "It was a test, and Adam passed." Like, God never really intended the Apocalypse to go through, it was just like, "Let's see what happens if I bring, like, a child of Satan, to be raised among the mortals among humanity, and you know, see if goodness is able to come of it." I think I'm fine with God just like, planning it as in just like, assuming that everything will end up okay. That's okay with me. I think if Adam got to say more lines in the faceoff, this would come across better. I think it's fine. Also, line that was cut in the scriptbook after this is, Crowley says, "From what I remember, and we were never actually on what you might call speaking terms, She wasn't exactly one for a straight answer. She'd just smile as if She knew something that you didn't." And Aziraphale goes, "Well, She is God. That's sort of the point." That was some that was some nice Crowley backstory. I'd like to know about how Crowley saw how God smiled like She knew something you didn't. But I guess it does add more to what you dislike about the lines, so, yeah.

G: Yeah. I don't- I don't dislike it, it's just I don't... Well.

C: [laughs] "I don't dislike it; I just don't like it." [both laugh]

G: No, it's more of like, I don't dislike that they're having the conversation. I just dislike that [laughs] I'm seeing it. [both laughing] Like, what are you trying to tell me? Like, that's the question that's in my head.

C: Okay, yeah, right. Well.

G: As they continue, the fucking international mail express bus passes by, and Lesley is out here.

C: Alive!

G: Yeah, he's alive. And he asks for the package. We look into the box that is between Aziraphale and Crowley on the bench, and it has the scales and the- what's it? The crown. And Lesley goes like, "Oh, there's something else. There's supposed to be a sword here." Aziraphale stands and is like, "Oh, well, sorry! I must have sitted it on it."

C: I believe that he wanted to keep it.

G: Oh, he wanted to, for sure.

C: Yeah. Sorry, Aziraphale. You're not getting your sword back.

G: Yeah. And Leslie says like, "Oh, good thing you were here, really," and Aziraphale- I feel like this is the first presence of like, Aziraphale usual snark that we don't really see until like, the very end of the episode again, where he goes like, "Oh, how nice to have someone who recognizes our part in saving the-" and then, like, Lesley just goes, like, "I need to someone to sign." And it's like, okay. And then Lesley- you know what? I'm endeared by this guy. His character works on me. And he asks, like, "Do you believe in life after death?" And Aziraphale says, "I suppose I must do," which is an interesting way to put it. And Lesley goes like, "If I was to tell my wife what happened to me today, she wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't blame her." And it's like, it's the first- 'cause we get more of it later that, like, people do know that it happened, but not- but they think it's like, an imagination thing, something something. Like, they're not very clear on where these thoughts come from. But the thoughts are there. And I like that idea because of what I have been saying since the very beginning of this fucking episode, where it's like, this massive thing happened, and like, even if the way it's resolved is "Everything goes back to normal," the fact that there was a process between original normal and the normal right now changes something. It's supposed to. And like, the idea that like, the people, you know, remember in some way, you know? Like, I'm sure Lesley will have a change in his life in some way, you know? Because of this experience, even if it was not real. Like, even if he doesn't think it's real or whatever. And, I mean, it's implied that that's also the way other people feel with the like, people talking about political stuff later. But I think it only is with Lesley that it works because it's like, it's a human being. Just one person. And I like that.

C: Yeah. Like that. G: I really like this guy, don't I? When he shows up the first time-

C: You really do like this guy, and I'm happy for him, and I'm happy for you. So returning the items implies that they're gonna be sent out again one day.

G: Yeah. Perhaps.

C: Perhaps.

G: There's a bus that shows up, and it's, you know, a transportation- public transportation bus. And it says "Oxford" in the front, and Aziraphale points it out, and Crowley goes, "Yeah, but he'll drive to London anyway. He just won't know why." And this is such a quiet moment. It, like, it gets to me. This fucking quiet moment between them. And Aziraphale goes, "I suppose I should get him to drop me off at the bookshop." And Crowley's like, very like, the way she turns, and it's like, face softens up a little bit and like, kind of like, hesitates, like, "Oh, I can't- Should I say it?" And then, you know, he does. He goes, "It burned down, remember?" And then, like, Aziraphale's face! Crowley, goes, "You can stay at my place, if you like." [C screams] And, you know. Aziraphale’s face!

C: Yeah, like, his eyes widen, and he looks like he's about to say something, and then he turns slightly away, but like, not entirely away before he replies.

G: And then looks back, yeah. Looks back and goes, "I don't think my side would like that." And Crowley says, you know, "We don't have a site anymore, and neither of us do. We're on our own side."

C: [laughing] The amount of care you give in reciting Crowley vs Aziraphale's lines here really says something, but continue.

G: What? What do you mean?

C: Like, you're acting out all of Aziraphale's lines, and then you're like, [disinterested, rushed] "And then Crowley says, 'You don't have a side anymore. Neither of us do.'" [both laugh]

G: Am I?

C: A little bit. It feels like that a little bit. But it's okay, 'cause it's like, the exact opposite- Like, if you look at my notes, every time you've written "And Aziraphale's face!" I just write, "And then Aziraphale says." [both laugh] Like, I am not paying attention to that guy.

G: And then the bus comes, and they- Oh, god! This scene! They walk into the bus, and I am reminded, of course, of Episode 1.

C: The other time they were on a bus.

G: They go into the bus, and Aziraphale is already seated, and Crowley sits behind him, but here, they sit beside each other!

C: Yeah. They sure do. They sure do.

G: They do! I have been telling Crystal this, but in the Philippines, 'cause, you know how like, when you're in a relationship but not really, you call it a situationship? That's the term that we use here in the Philippines, but before that term rose to popularity, the term was MU, which is short for mutual understanding. Which, I mean, it was popular when I was like, in middle school, right? Or like, elementary. So it's like, in my head, it's like, a childish thing. Like, if somebody tells me right now, my age, big 20+, "Oh, I am MU with someone," I'll be like, "Man that's so fucking juvenile. What the fuck are you saying?" [C laughs] But like, the thing about the term situationship is the point of it is that you're not sure what the situation is, so you call it a situationship. The point of MU, mutual - I repeat, it means mutual understanding - is that you are sure about the situation, and the situation is that you like each other, but you're not together, at least not officially. This concept is mostly from like, for example, 'cause, you know, here in the Philippines, now, maybe not so much, but back in the day, courting is a very big thing, right? You're supposed to court someone before you get together. And the MU situation is like, you're courting someone, but for some reason, their family maybe, schooling, you know, social expectations, whatever, they can't say yes. And the point of being MU is that you know you like each other. The only thing stopping you from being in a relationship is that you can't say yes yet. But the moment you can, it is mutually understood that you will. And [laughing] I just think Crowley and Aziraphale are MUs. Like, are you guys seeing the vision? Is this so stupid?

C: No, that's the vision. That is fully the vision. Whether or not Neil Gaiman agrees with that vision, mm. But that is what they are. [laughs]

G: Yeah. God, you guys, they literally have a mutual understanding. It's so crazy.

C: Yeah. They sure, sure, sure do.

-

G: Well, anyway, the next morning, we go to London, and "Aziraphale" is looking at the bookshop, and he sees that there is a bunch of new, hardbound leather books, but like, of children's books. He goes, "Oh, that's new."

C: Yeah. I guess Crowley doesn't really have to do the acting right now 'cause Heaven isn't here, but yeah, Aziraphale has a way like, grimmer set his face than usual, and like, doesn't move, like, doesn't have expressions as much. So that's the Crowley of it all.

G: And "Crowley" looks at the Bentley, and, you know-

C: And you know it's not because he walks down Mayfair, and his hips barely sway.

G: That's true. And also, instead of going to the car, he takes a taxi.

C: Yeah. He does smile very wide when he sees the car, though. That's nice.

G: Yeah.

C: We return to Adam. Basically, he's just talking to his mom, saying that, "Hey, I tidied my room. Can I be ungrounded? Can we go outside?" And she says, like, "Hey, like, your dad said that even if he didn't know why you were in trouble, you would know." And Adam's like, "Yeah," and he says he can't explain it to her, and she says that he can go out into the garden. Question, for, like, the British people of the world, do you guys really just say garden instead of backyard? 'Cause every time they said the word garden in this episode, I was like, "God, you guys are trying so fucking hard to do the Garden of Eden parallels. You guys are so fucking corny. Who even calls it a garden? That's the backyard." But like, is that just the word? Do you guys just say garden when you mean backyard?

G: I love how you asked, "Like, British people." I’m Filipino. We call it garden.

C: Okay. Slay. [both laugh] I mean, we don't know about the UK, though.

G: No, I'm assuming they do.

C: Hopefully.

G: Why would you not- I mean, the whole concept of a backyard is like, I feel like, so suburban, you know. And like, I don't think it makes sense, for Adam, who lives in- for the Youngs, I guess, who lives in this like, you know, provincial area.

C: Sure.

G: Do you call it provincial when it's- something?

C: Rural? I don't know.

G: I don't fucking know. Yeah. When it's like, this, like, not, you know, not the suburbs area, to call it backyard feels so stupid. It's a garden.

C: Garden is like, it's like, a very specific thing to me. Like, you need to have, like, a certain certain variety of plants and flowers and things in it, and like, the purpose of it, has to be to like, cultivate and show off those plants and flowers to me.

G: Nope.

C: But no?

G: Our "garden" has plant boxes, and that's the only thing in it, and it's a garden.

C: Alright.

G: There's a bench, too, I guess, but. I think for most- like, here, at least, anything that's outside of the front door but inside the gate, that's the garden, even if there's like, barely any plants in it.

C: Mm. Okay. Good to know.

C: I think the only times I see the word garden used are like, for specific tourist places where, like, they grow special rose bushes or whatever, so. But okay, good to know. Well, so she says he can take Dog out into the garden, but he can't go anywhere else. [sighs] Meanwhile, [very annoyed tone of voice for the next minute] Newt and Anathema [G laughs] are in Jasmine Cottage, in her bed together. And it's like, the light is all soft and romantic, and they're just like, there, and they're naked. Yay. So they wake up together, and she finally asks him, "I'm gonna regret asking this, but why is your car called Dick Turpin?" and then he's like, "Oh, 'cause he was a highwayman, and everywhere I go, I hold up traffic," and she was like, "Oh, I regret asking, teeheeheeheehee." [laughs] No, okay, I need to talk normal. [screams] I hate them. Okay. So... so so so, he starts getting up, and she's like, "Hey, Witchfinder Private Not-a-Computer-Engineer, did we save the world yesterday?" And Newt's like, "I don't know." And then she goes, "You're a pretty good witchfinder, though. I mean, you found me." Boo! Boo! Corny! Not funnay! Boo! Boo! [both laughing]

G: What is this? It's just so bad!

C: What's the point? Like, we got what the joke was when they met.

G: No, listen to me, right? So she doesn't necessarily remember that they saved the world. So to her, this is like, some weird, hazy thing, right? Might as well not have happened. Might have as well been a dream. They got together during that time, and we are to assume that she wanted him to be her boyfriend [C laughs] because of the whole saving the world with the destroying the computer situation. So what now?? [C laughing, G screams] 'Cause if that's forgotten, why is he here?

C: I mean, Agnes Nutter said that he had a big ole swangin' dick. Maybe that's enough. [G sighs] And they cut some lines from the script where Anathema, before she says the whole like, "Hey, did we just save the world yesterday?" Before that, she says, "It's so weird. I've lived all my life according to Agnes's prophecies, and now there aren't any more prophecies. I can do whatever I like. I'm like a train that got to the end of the tracks and still has to keep on going." And Newt says, "From now on, you'll head into the future with everything coming as a surprise. Just like the rest of us." Anathema says she feels lost, and he says, "It's called being human. You'll get used to it." They're not well-written lines, but they would have given us a little bit more Anathema character. Like, I can't believe like, he cut those, but he kept like, "ooh, flirty-flirty, you found me! I'm a witch! Tee-hee-hee!"

G: I mean, the thing is like, towards the end of the Anathema situation, when she's about to burn it, she is acting like she wants to do it but she doesn't like the idea of doing it, but she  does actually want to do it. And then what pushes her becomes then, like, Newt, yeah. And it's like, "Well, you should have just given her more of-" you know. Give her more. Not even anything better. Just more.

C: Yeah, exactly. It's just about like, the percentage of her personality that seems to be related to wanting to escape the prophecies. Just up that

G: Yeah, or like, having complicated feelings about it, you know, so that when the decision is made, it's like, "Oh, this is a difficult decision, and this is motivated by like, something or other and not just Newt being like, 'And I'm also here, and I'm going to say lines.'" You know?

C: Yeah, yeah. I will say that this is better than in the book. They give her less agency in the book. So he tried. He didn't do good enough, though.

G: What do you mean? What did they do in the book?

C: Oh, in the book, she's not even there when the package arrives, and Newt considers just burning it by himself, but then she comes out into the room and sees it, and then he just says the "Do you want to be a descendant all your life?" thing, and she's like, "Okay, fine." [laughs] So. It's better than in the book. So she like, settles back in bed and smiles to herself. Ugh! Alright. Now we cut to St. James's Park-

G: Okay, can I just say. I hate Neil Gaiman so much.

C: Good.

G: Like, doing the whole you know, like, "They can't be gay because gender," whatever. Like, when he does do gender, I suppose- This isn't even doing gender. This is just having women. It's like, they're so terribly written. And now, you're pulling the like, "Oh, but like, whatever whatever" card, and it's like, it's so frustrating. It's so frustrating

C: Yeah, it's like, I know that you wrote them as men, [laughing] 'cause if you didn't, they would be way worse.

G: Yeah, 'cause you wrote them like people. [C laughs, G groans] God, I hate you, Neil Gaiman! Yeah, that's my point.

C: Yeah. Oh, Neil Gaiman. Oh, Neil Gaiman! [G laughing]

-

C: So we're in St. James's Park, and there's like, a brass band playing Queen's "Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon," which I thought was pretty fun. We get a moment with, like, a British secret agent and a Russian secret agent talking about how the government's decided everything that happened yesterday was a mass hallucination, except the Kraken apparently ate the British trade delegation. And [laughing] I love the implication that Adam did not bring those guys back. He's like, "Well. I'm bringing people back, but not the British trade delegation." And so have Aziraphale and Crowley at the ice cream like, stand or whatever. and Crowley orders them a strawberry lolly and a vanilla with a flake, and they're doing a great job at doing each other's body language, but Aziraphale's a better actor 'cause "Crowley" is leaning on the- Do we need to clarify who we're talking about when we say "Aziraphale and Crowley"?

G: I mean, I don't even know.

C: Yeah, okay, most of the time when I say Aziraphale or Crowley, I am going to talk- I am going to do it based off of the body, but then I will say, like, the actual person when I'm talking about like, the acting or anything that they're doing to try to make it seem more like- Sure. Okay, yeah. 'Cause like, Aziraphale's doing a thing where he's like, leaning against the the car with his elbow and all that, and it looks very, very like Crowley. Though I think one body language thing that gives them away is that the "Crowley" is like, standing still, whereas Aziraphale's walking in a circle behind him. And, generally, for example, in The Globe in 1601, it's like, usually Aziraphale is the ever-fixed mark and Crowley is usually the one who's orbiting him. So, yeah.

G: Reminds me so much of that one art where it's Aziraphale in the middle, and then Crowley's like, changing outfits. The 60s lesbians one. I love that one so fucking much.

C: Oh, yeah! The 60s lesbians art! I love it so much. We'll reblog it when this episode comes out. It's so good.

G: So wonderful.

C: Okay, Grey, discourse of the century, right? [G laughs] The Crowley body gets the strawberry lolly and the Aziraphale body gets the vanilla with a flake, right? So is this part of the disguise, or is this their preferred ice creams? Discuss.

G: Damn, who give a shit? [C laughs] Well, many people, I would assume. I don't know. What do you think?

C: I could really see it either way. I think that it's more fun to me that Crowley likes vanilla ice cream just 'cause of, you know, how he's a demon, etc etc. But I think that generally, Aziraphale has like, more like, classy tastes in food, and I think that the vanilla with a flake does look a little fancier than like, frozen strawberry juice. So yeah, I think that they're eating the- I think that it's part of the disguise, who's eating what ice cream.

G: Yeah, I think Crowley would like, the strawberry lolly more. In my head, the way I was trying to do it was like, in my head, I was trying to imagine Crowley having the vanilla ice cream and then having the strawberry lolly, and then I realized that, like, every time I imagine Crowley in my head, it's always like, long hair from 2005 or whatnot Crowley. That is so important to me. She is always long-haired 2005 Crowley to me.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Season 3, please, please, please, please, please.

G: Pwease! Pwease.

C: Please? Please? Please? I know long-haired Crowley makes David Tennant's job like, way harder, and it's already so hard, but like, please? Please? Thank you. Thank you very much.

G: Fanks.

C: Each of them asks the other about, yeah, the car and the bookshop, and it's like, "No, everything is great. And neither of our people have been in touch yet." And Crowley asks, "Do you understand what happened yesterday?" and Aziraphale says, "I understand some of it, but some of it is just a bit too..." and then Death, who's been feeding the ducks, says, "Ineffable." and then fades away. And Crowley is like, "Hey, that's meant to be bad luck to see him here." And then Aziraphale is gone. He has been kidnapped by the angels who are like, in gardener outfits sort of, like, for the park, and they've tied Aziraphale up, and they put tape over his mouth, which I think is so funny, and Uriel goes, "Renegade angels all tied up with strings," and Sandalphon goes, "These are a few of our favorite things." I think it's a bit much.

G: Bit much.

C: The Sound of Music thing was funny in the first episode, and now, we're like, sort of done. And Crowley is yelling like, "Hey! Hey! Stop them!" But then Hastur, disguised as an Asian woman tourist- [both laugh] Yeah. Goes, "What's wrong, love?" And then fucking whacks Crowley with a crowbar. I personally would not have Hastur disguised as an Asian woman tourist, but, you know what? Neil Gaiman made a choice. I'm not gonna spend time lingering on it. And as Crowley passes out, he goes, "It's not a problem. It's tickety-boo." And yeah. I love you. I love you, Crowley. I love you Aziraphale. Etc etc. We cut back to these scenes in Heaven and Hell. In Heaven, Aziraphale's tied up, and he's being like, "Seriously? A kidnapping in broad daylight?" Gabriel calls him like, a traitor, etc, and Aziraphale says, "Well, I think the greater good demanded-" Gabriel goes, "Don't talk to me about the greater good, sunshine. I'm the archangel fucking Gabriel." And the other angels are very excited about something that's about to happen, and that makes me sad that they're so excited about like, perma-killing Aziraphale. Sorry that they're all so not niceys. Meanwhile, Hell, Crowley's trial wraps up, and, you know, guilty. That's what all the other demons watching through the glass are saying as well. Beelzebub asks about final words, and Crowley asks, "What's it gonna be, then? An eternity in the deepest pit?" at which I go, [laughing] "They had to have so much trust that Agnes Nutter's prophecy applied to them. 'Cause what if it really was?"

G: Yeah.

C: What if it really was? I just- yeah.

G: I mean, they could have thrown "Crowley" through the deepest pits of hell for eternity, and Aziraphale will just be there forever.

C: Yeah, for fucking ever. I just- They had to have so much trust, or they had to like, have a really long conversation where, like, Aziraphale was like, “No, I promise that I'm like, willing to take the risk," or whatever 'cause I don't think Crowley would just like, let that happen. I mean, Heaven would probably also have some pretty bad punishments. I feel there's a big chance for both of them that their punishment would involve never being able to return to the Earth and like, not involve holy water or hellfire. So yeah, they had to really trust Agnes Nutter. Or they had to really understand their head offices and like, know that this is the way that they would punish a traitor, either from like, previous experience, or just like, understanding them in a way that I don't.

G: Yes. Also, like, insanely lucky, I guess, that when you go to Heaven, your body comes with you.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Truly.

G: I mean, Crowley- Crowley, demon who entered a church and had it burning his feet, "Like being at a beach in bare feet!"- I tried to do the voice but I forgot the line- but like, what is the situation, going to Heaven.

C: This has been answered. It's just that Heaven and Hell, neither of them are like- they're both just like, neutral ground.

G: That seems awfully convenient, but okay.

C: Yeah, it does seem pretty convenient. A lot of this is like, there's like, a lot of plot hole-ish things in this, and I think that's also part of why, on the third watch, it sort of falls apart. Like, yeah, seriously. What if it wasn't an eternity in the deepest pit? What if it was like, "Your punishment is that we put you in the bucket with the crabs that like to eat your penis for 300 years"? [G laughs] Like, what? Aziraphale would just have to be in the bucket with the crabs that eat your penis for 300 years? Like, come on. I mean, do you think he would 1984 that situation, or do you think he could bear it?

G: What do you mean?

C: In 1984, like, the Winston or whatever the main character is like, finally, they're like, "We're gonna like, use your like, worst fear on you. We're gonna like, put your face into like, a cage full of starving rats." And at the last minute he realizes, "Oh, I know how to get out of this," and he shouts like, "Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia, not me! I don't care what you do to her. Tear her face off, strip her to the bones- Not me, Julia!" 'Cause like, it's- their relationship is what caused him to rebel or whatever, and like, the torture is to like, break him so that he finally gives that up, and they betray each other forever, etc etc. Anyway, would Aziraphale 1984 that?

G: No, I think Aziraphale will- [both laughing]

C: You think he would?

G: I think Aziraphale will let the crabs eat his penis, yes.

C: [laughing] Okay, he would let the crabs eat his penis. Good. Yeah. I'd like to believe that he would, too. But, I don't know. Sounds like a painful thing to go through! Luckily, so, so luckily for them, Hastur thinks that letting the punishment fit the crime, as in like, a painful but quick death, is somehow worse than the penis-eating crabs. [G laughs] So he- I guess-

G: Is penis-eating crabs a reference to anything?

C: No. No, it's just the first thing I thought of. I think it might be- it might be a misremembered punishment from The Good Place. I think there's like, some kind of like, snakes that eat your penis or something like that they mentioned in The Good Place as being a punishment in the Bad Place. So it's it's holy water. It's holy water, baby. I guess, okay, I guess, for an immortal being, for whom, like, immortality is considered just a fact of life, I guess, like, a complete and utter annihilation is sort of like, an eldritch horror beyond their comprehension, right? Like, I can sort of see-

G: I mean, the thing about the penis-eating crabs is that you'll still be alive, so.

C: Yeah. And that's like, something that they're into? Ddo demons like their lives?

G: Do you like your life?

C: I mean, I don't live in like, the world's crustiest basement.

G: [laughing] That's not really an answer, though, so. I was gonna ask, "Do you like your life?" And you would probably answer, "Yes," and I'll be like, "Okay, I'll shut up." And if you say, "It's fine," and I'll ask, "Do you want to die?" [both laughing] but like, maybe that's not the way this conversation should go.

C: For real. But yeah, I don't. But any- like, I don't want to die. But anyway.

G: Yeah! Yeah, and the demons don't also.

C: Yeah, that's fair.

G: Even though they live in a basement that is quite damp.

C: Yeah. [laughs] It is pretty damp, yeah. Someone comes down the elevator, and it's the archangel Michael. She's in a new outfit than usual. It's like, this flowy white top with big, ruffly sleeves. It's alright. And she has this jug of holy water. When she appears, Crowley goes, "The archangel Michael? That's... unlikely." I'm sorry that Aziraphale didn't realize until now that Heaven and Hell were collaborating like this. This must hurt a little bit, even if he's cast off Heaven. Or has he? She pours the water into a bathtub. Meanwhile, in Heaven, we see that one of the disposable demons has come up with a bunch of hellfire and made a big old tower of flame.

G: Isn't so wild that Hell got an archangel, and Heaven got some guy? [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, I guess Ligur is dead, and Ligur is their connection.

C: Yeah, I guess Ligur was meant to be the representative for Hell, and he's like, a Duke of Hell and all that. So this is just, you know, substitute stepping in. Hastur throws the Jabba the Hutt demon into the holy water to test it, and, you know, dies screaming.

G: Disintegrates.

C: Yeah. And Crowley has a chance at one last word, and he says, "This is a new jacket, and I'd hate to ruin it. Do you mind if I take it off?" Aziraphale's having the time of his life here. I'm so happy for him. And it's nice. Like, it is like a, "Oh, Crowley's so cool and unaffected" thing, but it's also like, Aziraphale cares deeply about his clothes, and he believes that Crowley would also. Is this when you sent me, "Is Crowley shirtless under the jacket?" And I said, "No, sorry"?

G: No no no, it was before that. I sent you that like, during the trial scene or whatnot.

C: Yeah, you do see a lot of chest hair. Like, you see a slip of like, the tie, and then, you see a lot of chest hair. Like, I feel like later, like, Crowley's like, bathing suit, I don't think he had that on earlier.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, that doesn't mesh with like, the amount of skin you can see under the jacket. But also, I don't think Aziraphale would miracle it on because if Heaven can tell that he does frivolous miracles, then like, wouldn't they get a notification that he, like, miracled a bathing suit on himself?

G: [laughs] Do you think he excused himself to a room over and was like, "I'm just gonna put on a bathing suit, you guys." [C laughs]

C: For real. We fade into Shadwell reading a book with a Jabba the Hutt demon on it [G groans], and it's your turn. Ha ha ha.

-

G: Yeah, Shadwell's there, and then Madame Tracy comes in.

C: I mean, you skipped-

G: She's wearing different clothes.

C: I- yeah, no, I need to spend some time on this. All the things that I hate the most about what they do with Shadwell and Madame Tracy, it is this outfit that just makes me the most fucking livid. You wanna- you wanna hear what it says in the scriptbook, Grey?

G: Okay, go on.

C: "The door opens. It's Madame Tracy. She looks... well, she looks normal. Not like a medium. Not like a sex worker. Not like an eccentric. Just rather off-puttingly normal." Neil Gaiman. Hey, hey, hey. Neil Gaiman, Neil Gaiman. You wanna reread the sentences, "She looks normal, not like a sex worker" back to me again, Neil Gaiman? [G laughing] Is that something you sort of wanna repeat to me out loud to my face? Is that something you wanna repeat out loud to anyone's face, Neil Gaiman? Just a question I have about the world.

G: It is so frustrating that this entire show, Shadwell has been so horrible. So horrible. And the way they try to resolve this is to just go, "Well, let's just completely change Madame Tracy."

C: Yeah, she quits her job, she's not a sex worker anymore. And now, look, she has blond hair, it's down, she's wearing more quote-unquote "natural makeup," she's wearing an incredibly modest sweater and skirt, like, she- Look at her. She's in her tradwife, Christian girl autumn getup! Don't you like seeing that? Isn't that what you want? Hello?

G: They gave zero character development to both of these characters, right? There's no like, sense of direction for both of them. They just decided at the very end that-

C: Let's pair the spares.

G: "One of them is gonna do a massive change." Yeah. "Let's do massive change for one of them. 'Cause if we don't, they're never gonna get along." But the party that gets to- that has to change must be Madame Tracy. And it's like, oh my god! I hate you, Neil Gaiman.

C: Yeah. Yeah. [screams] Yeah. Yeah. And like, all the lead up to this was just Shadwell being incredibly disrespectful of her and her being like, "I'm into that!" Like, okay! Okay, Neil Gaiman. Whatever you want. Just go ahead. Who give a shit anymore?

G: She comes in and says that "I, you know, have a place for you at my table." And like, Shadwell's like, "Oh, in your den of iniquity," and it's like, okay, fine, whatever. Who give a shit. And then they go. They sit there.

C: And they waste these beautiful crane shots on this.

G: Yeah. It's just horrible. It's horrible.

C: They have to do a big ole, like, setup for that. It cost money, it cost time, it cost people. And for what? And for what?

G: It's very much like, "Oh, we have, you know, these two older people. They should get together."

C: Yeah, they're similar ages, and they're both single. Like, we can't have that now, can we?

G: And it's a man and woman. [both] Whoo! And then Newt and Anathema is also- and then

C: She literally says that "It would be nice to have a man around the house." [G laughs]

G: Yeah! Jesus fucking Christ.

C: Yeah. It's literally just, he's there, and he's a man. Which like, is fine if that's like, what you want with your life. But, like, Neil Gaiman wrote all of this, and therefore, as a result, she- what did Pepper say? "Another deluded victim of the patriarchy"? [both laugh]

G: Anyway, back in the fucking- is this still the cottage? Is this still Jasmine Cottage?

C: Yeah.

G: In Jasmine Cottage, there's a lawyer who comes in and is asking for Mrs. Pulsifer.

C: Boo! Boo! Boo! First off, first off, proves that whatever they did, like, getting together, maybe when it happened, Anathema was like, "Agnes said it only happened once, and I want to prove her wrong. So I want to go against fate. He's my boyfriend now." Nope. Not going against fate. This was known and predicted already. Boo! Second, "Mrs."- she has a PhD. She has a fucking PhD, Neil Gaiman. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. As Anathema said in my fic that I don't want to recommend 'cause it's bad, "Turns out that 'We have nothing in common, but my ancestor predicted that we would fuck and then told us we would get married using phrasing that ignores my PhD' isn't a very solid basis for a relationship." [groans] It's Dr. Pulsifer. If you're gonna do fucking anything, it's Dr. Pulsifer. I hope everyone dies.

G: There has been a letter and a package from 200 years ago in this fucking like, lawyer place for 5ever. Basically, it says, "At this day, at this time, at this blah blah blah, give this to this place." And then they do.

C: Anathema's not very happy. When she comes in and she sees the box, and she says, "It's Agnes. I recognize the style." her sentences are quite clipped, and when Baddicombe starts getting excited about the box, she just sort of shoves it at him and goes, "You open it." So like, you know, the actress is doing the best she can with the material she's been given.

G: Anyway, the lawyer does- there's this bit with the lawyer where he like, opens it, and then the first letter is for him, and then it's like, "Oh, you're cheating on your wife." Whatever! And then Anathema does open the package, and apparently, it's even more nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter.

C: Yeah. She's a bit teary in disappointment at the end. Sorry, girl.

G: And then-

C: Just the specifics about Shadwell and Tracy, yeah.

G: Yes. I don't fucking know. She just says like, "Hey, I'm moving out. I have enough money. I'm going out of London. You wanna come with?" And then he goes, "Yeah." [laughing] I hate this so much!

C: Yeah, well, there's the "pop the question" joke.

G: Yeah. "We gotta pop the question." And then, instead of like, you know, "You want to get married?" or whatever, it's "How many nipples do you have?" And she says, "Just the two!"

C: Yeah. Also, when he asks the question, he goes, "How many nipples have you got, Jezebel?" And then she goes, "Retired Jezebel." I hate it! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. He doesn't use her name once in this fucking show, and the solution to that is just "Oh, I quit the job that you don't like that I have!" Like, she also did it for herself, but I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

-

C: Back in Heaven, Aziraphale's like, "Hey, you want to reconsider? We're meant to be the good guys, for Heaven's sake." And Gabriel's like, "For Heaven's sake, we're meant to make examples out of traitors, so go into the flame." And Aziraphale goes, "Well, lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion." which is, I guess, Crowley being like, "I think Aziraphale would be nice here, but also kind of bitchy." And I don't- what do you think- This iis probably what rela Aziraphale would say, ish, right? This seems about right.

G: Well, if Aziraphale is aware that he's going to live after this, I think he would say this.

C: Ah, okay. If he thought he was gonna die, what would be up?

G: I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think Aziraphale is the type to accept death graciously. Not this kind, anyway.

C: Yeah. I mean, the only time we really see him scared is when the angels corner him. It's very different from his like, "Oh my god, don't discorporate me! It'll be so annoying." And like, that is a lot of like, "Well, you mustn't, stop, please." But it's also like, he also does the "We're meant to be the good guys" thing. Yeah, I don't think he would accept death graciously. This is true. Gabriel goes, "Shut your stupid mouth and die already."

G: And then does like, a sarcastic smile, like you know. And Crowley like, copies this in a way. And, oh my god! The face here is so good! I love it so much. Like, I think the thing about Aziraphale in Crowley's body, right, is that it is very much a, you know, he's having fun, and also, the intention is to threaten like, you know, Hell, to be like, "Leave this guy alone," you know? I think, like, Crowley is a lot angrier at Heaven.

C: Yeah. I think Aziraphale, like, the whole time was like, "Yeah, I mean, Hell's bad, 'cause that's what I believe. Of course it'd be awful down there." I think, Crowley knows that Heaven is bad, but like, doesn't really have like, specifics as well as Aziraphale has come up with specifics in his mind. And yeah, he is angry. Aziraphale gets ushered forward into the flame, and before we see what happens, we cut to Hell. We don't see Crowley, but we see, like, all the other demons looking scared and hissing and things. And then we see that it's because Crowley is in the bathtub, splashing about and having a great time. And-

G: Yeah! Wearing a-

C: He's wearing one-piece black bathing suit, and like, calf socks. Like, black socks that are very tall.

G: [laughing] Why is he wearing socks?

C: Yeah, David Tennant was like, "I've seen Wikifeet men. No more." [G laughs] And the socks are completely dry.

G: Not just socks. Like, long!

C: Yeah, long socks. I don't know. It's so fun. It's such a look. And the socks are completely dry. Which means that, like, Crowley had to like, go to the edge of the bathtub and like, backwards scoot, sit his butt on it, and then like, flop back. [G laughs] 'Cause both of his legs are like, up and like, propped up on both sides of the bathtub, so yeah, keeping those socks dry. In the script, he was supposed to be wearing nothing but his underpants, but honestly, the bathing suit's more fun. Yeah, okay, Aziraphale's just having the best time of his fucking life. He goes like, "I don't suppose in all the nine circles of Hell, there's such thing as a rubber duck?" which yeah. You're so cute. You're so fun. And then we cut back to Heaven, "Aziraphale" is inside the flames and cracks his neck, and having a good old time. And then breaths fire at the angels. It's great. I love how both of them did have the opportunity to straight up murder the other one's bosses, but they didn't. Maybe they should have. But also, that goes against their point. They don't want retaliation. They just want to be left alone. The angels are going, "It may be worse than we thought" and "What is he?" Meanwhile, Beelzebub in Hell goes, "Oh, he's not one of us anymore." So both sides think that they're now some kind of like, angel/demon/human hybrid thing.

G: [laughs] No, I mean, at this point, at this point, I was already asking you, "They switched bodies, didn't they?" And you were like, "You'll see." And at this point, I was still like, "I don't think it's true, because Crowley is so Crowley. And like-" as I've said earlier in this episode, Aziraphale has been- like, we saw Aziraphale in like, a combat situation, and he does act different. So I was like, "Maybe it's, you know, an ongoing thing from that." So who knows? So I was like, at the beginning, I was like, "They switched bodies." And then I was like, "Oh, but Aziraphale was acting the way he acted in the Apocalypse, and Crowley is acting like Crowley, so maybe not? What is going on?"

C: Aziraphale as Crowley goes, "So you're probably thinking. if he can do this, I wonder what else he can do. And very, very soon you're all going to get the chance to find out." And smiles, like, menacingly, with like, full yellow eyes. And that's so nice that he's just trying so hard to keep Crowley safe. Isn't that so nice? And Beelzebub is like, "Ah, shit. We have to get Crowley out of here. Gonna start a riot." Michael comes back to pick up the water, very shocked at Crowley still being alive, and Aziraphale tells her, "Michael. Duude. Do us a quick miracle, will you? I need a bath towel." Very fun. And then goes, "I think it would be better for everyone if I were to be left alone in the future, don't you?" And all the demons nod.

G: And Michael, too.

C: Yeah. Good for him.

G: How do you think Aziraphale like, got out of there? Just walked out? Aziraphale as in in Heaven.

C: Yeah, I guess- Can Crowley control hellfire or whatever? If he could like, have a little bit of it in his hand the whole time as he walked out, I feel like it'd be pretty easy. But yeah, I wish we saw more of the Heaven scene, like, does Crowley say anything there? Like, what's up? But yeah, I guess we're supposed to assume that Crowley basically says the same thing Aziraphale says, and then, there's a deleted scene in the script where it's just like, both of them, like, both of them are like, in the elevator, or in different elevators, but they both show up back on Earth. They look at each other, and then "Aziraphale" goes, "Now that was playing with fire." Corny. Would have been cute to see, though.

-

G: We go to Newt and Anathema, and this is the scene we were talking about earlier with like, Anathema trying to burn the prophecies. Newt pulls the "Do you want to be a descendant all your life?" And then, you know, she burns it. Do you like how her story ends?

C: I remember when I watched it in the past, I was like- I think I didn't catch the signs of Anathema wanting to escape Agnes Nutter as much, so it read a lot more as it was just Newt saying that that caused her to do it, and I was like, "No, just give her the fucking book back." But, you know, I've had time. It makes sense for an ending. I just wish Newt wasn't part of it.

G: The thing is, I was thinking about this, like, did Anathema want this? I think I'm having the opposite experience as you. Like, maybe I just projected too hard and too raw.

C: About free will shit? Maybe.

G: Yeah. I don't know! I mean. as always, you know, your experiences and your beliefs in life will always shape how you see everything, and I guess my beliefs, etc has shaped it so that I saw Anathema as wanting to get out and etc. But now, I'm like, "Well, did she? I don't know."

C: I don't know. And we'll never know, 'cause- Oh, I guess I gave that away, then. She doesn't come back, no.

G: Yeah. Oh my god. Well, they have those two Lesbians.

C: God. [sighs] I mean- [G laughs] I just- I don't think Neil Gaiman is very good at writing human characters, and the only thing that was going for the human characters in this show were that they had interesting premises, but if the premise for your boring human characters next season are just, "They own a coffee shop," like, just die. Anyway.

G: Well, Adam is also there, and- [laughs] What a way to start.

C: I like this scene.

G: Anyway, Adam is in the garden, and the other Thems are running up to him and saying, like, "Hey, like, let's get out! Let's go somewhere." But he's saying like, "No, I can't."

C: "I'm grounded for years and years."

G: Yeah. They asked like, "What happened last night?" But they don't remember. Doesn't matter. When he says like, "I'll be grounded for years and years," and like, someone asked, like, "What about tomorrow?" And he's like, "Oh, yeah, tomorrow's okay. [C laughs] They'll forget it by tomorrow." The three go out, off to like, a circus somewhere, and Adam's just playing in the garden when Dog's trying to go out, and Adam is like, "Oh, Dog, like, get away from the hedge. Because if you don't, I'll have to chase you, and if you went, I would run, and I'll run, and I'm not allowed out of the garden, but if you go, I'll have to go," and, you know, it's a cute scene, and then Dog does run off, after the hedge gets magically removed.

C: Yeah. So Adam is not entirely human.

G: Adam still has the powers. You know, running through the field, running through the meadow. God starts talking again, and it's, "Something told Adam that you know something was coming to an end. Not the world, but just the summer." And we see Adam like, looking over the meadow and sees Anathema and Newt, and they wave at each other. "There would be other summers, but there would never be one like this. Never again." Adam sees an apple tree, gets one, takes a bite out of it, or we hear RP Tyler, like, in the background, going like, "Oh, I'll tell your father! Like, you, boy!" and God continues on saying, like, "Oh, well, Adam couldn't see why people made such a fuss about other people eating their apples, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn't. And there never was an apple, in Adam's opinion, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it."

C: Yeah. What a good place to end the show! What a place where you could just end the show. Like, I like the next scene, but like, this should have been the last scene.

G: I like it. This is what I was saying earlier, like, I was trying to think about it, but then I stopped, and I was like, "I'll let Crystal do the thinking."

C: What? Wait, what am I thinking about?

G: I don't know. What are you thinking about?

C: Just that this is a good place to end the show, and that is just about how like, I don't know, humanity is always going to make the choice of knowledge and blah blah blah blah blah.

G: Yeah. I suppose that is all it is. I was trying to think, like, "What's the deeper meaning?" or whatever, but. Again, I keep on saying this, I like that Adam is 11 so much. Like, this is him now, and he's thinking all these things, and it's like, you know, he's gonna grow up. He's gonna be a miserable teenager, probably. [C laughs] And you know what? He's going to be okay. Do you still talk to all the people you used to play with when you were 11?

C: I mean, I met Danica when I was 11.

G: Yeah, but that's at school. That's not playing on the street.

C: Oh, I didn't play on the street.

G: Oh. Well, that's sad.

C: Yeah.

G: Sorry. That's such a mean thing to say, I feel. "That's sad. Your childhood is so sad."

C: No, I mean, I was not offended. I think that is true. [G laughs]

G: Well, yeah.

C: Do you?

G: Occasionally. They're my neighbors, so I talk to them occasionally, but not as much as I did when I was 11, of course. I was just thinking like, these four went through so much, but they're also 11. They're gonna grow out of it. I also thought I went through so much with my friends when I was 11. Then, I grew out of it. Aw. They're gonna be okay.

C: Yeah.

-

C: So we go back to St. James's Park. It- [sighs] like, all of the show starts with like, the God narration, like, "It begins as it will end. In a garden." And that's because the Adam scene is the last one in the book, but then they just shuffled stuff around, and then, like, they just slapped this into St. James's Park so they could be like, "Well, that's also a garden, innit?" [both laughing] It's not!

G: It's a park!

C: Yeah. They're in St. James's Park. So funny.

G: [laughing] That's so fucking funny. [both laughing] Yeah.

C: So they've returned, and they're not acting anymore. So [G exclaims] “Aziraphale” is, you know, lounged across the bench and Crowley, in quotes, sitting with hands on his lap and like, talking primly and things. Yeah. David Tennant's Michael Sheen voice, very good. Would love to hear more of it outside of that ten-minute bookshop reading. But yeah.

G: Michael Sheen? No comment?

C: What?

G: [laughs] No comment, Michael Sheen.

C: Yeah, you wanna fuck him when he's here. He's hot, sure.

G: He looks so good. Yeah. Remember when I was like, "Oh, Crowley, whatever," like, I think, maybe, like, Crowley is just inherently hot.

C: Yeah, regardless of who plays Crowley, yeah.

G: Regardless of anything. Yeah.

C: Yeah. Good for him And the way that they're sitting like, the first time we- [laughs] God, I sound stupid. Okay, so the first time we see them in St. James's Park in Episode 1, right? Like, they're also both sitting on the bench, and like, they're like, sitting- they're sitting on opposite ends of the bench, and Crowley has, like, an arm out, stretched over the middle of the bench, sort of leaning against it, and then is also leaning against Aziraphale. In this situation, they're sitting next to each other, Crowley's still leaning towards Aziraphale, and the arm that's stretched out is like, away from them like, towards the edge of the bench. So it's like, the same position, but mirror-swapped so that they can be next to each other. And isn't that nice? They check that no one's watching, and then they swap back by holding hands and then having, like, an ugly effect happen. Crowley's collar, which this whole time has been tartan, changes back to red, and she goes, "Tartan collar, really?" And Aziraphale goes, "Tartan is stylish!"

G: Wait, is that what happens? I did not catch that.

C: Oh, yeah. Aziraphale was like, "I need to act so so well as Crowley, but I refuse to have this fucking red collar on. I need it to be tartan." Aziraphale is delighted, like, fucking clapping his hands, going, "So, Agnes Nutter's last prophecy was on the money!" And then he leans in a little conspiratorially and goes, "I asked them for a rubber duck. And made the Archangel Michael miracle me a towel!" And they both laugh. They're having a great time.

G: Yeah.

C: It's wonderful. Crowley says, "They'll leave us alone for a bit. If you ask me, both sides are going to use this as breathing room before the big one." And Aziraphale's like, "I thought that was the big one," but Crowley says, "For my money, the really big one is all of us against all of them," aka Heaven and Hell against humanity. Which I guess is like, a hint at a sequel, but that was in the book, too. I don't know. Interesting idea. Probably gonna happen in Season 3. Looking forward to it, I suppose. Crowley says, "Time to leave the garden." God, you really tried so hard. [both laugh] You tried so hard and not raw at all. I mean, maybe it's like, a self-referential, like, "He-he! Eden!" thing. Whatever. Crowley goes, "Let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?" and Aziraphale says, so cute, "Temptation accomplished!" doing like, what is he like- he's like, bouncing, basically, when he says it. And it's very fun. Like, I feel like this is like, they're both finally, like, fully aware that this is like- that they're doing [both] roleplay, yeah. They're on like, the exact same level about how this is roleplay now. And that's fun. That's fun for them.

And they go to the Ritz, and we have, like, diagetic, someone in the Ritz is playing "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square." It's Tori Amos singing, I think. And yeah, I know I complained about the lines they say here earlier, but looking at their faces did cause me to forgive everything that Neil Gaiman ever did and ever will do. But I'll become a hater again soon. But they look so in love! I don't know how to explain it. You just have to look at it. Ah! Ah!!

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: So they're, yeah, you know, they're at their table. A waiter comes over and pours them champagne. and Aziraphale goes, "I like to think none of this would have worked out if you weren't, at heart, just a little bit a good person." And Crowley, with just the most fucking adoring expression says, "And if you weren't, deep down, just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing." And they cheers. Crowley says, "To the world."

G: "To the world."

C: Aziraphale says, "To the world." And ahhh! Like, like, like, okay, after Crowley says the bastard line, though, this is like, a thing that Aziraphale does a lot, and it makes me crazy where it's like he looks at Crowley, he smiles, and then he looks away, looking kind of like, guilty, or like, he feels like he's overindulging, and then he flicks his eyes back up at him for like, a second. Like, the look away/look back is- It's crazy. It's crazy! They're in love. What's happening? Is anyone else seeing this? Hello? Is anybody else?

G: Are they in wuv? [C screams] Yeah, this scene did nothing for me. [laughing]

C: What?

G: Yeah. I did not give a single shit.

C: But- but- but- he- the smile is- he- [confused sounds]?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay!

G: I don't know. I don't care.

C: Wow!

G: I'm rewatching it right now to understand your vision.

C: And?

G: Okay, I see. Whatever. [C exclaims] I still don't really give a shit.

C: Okay.

G: This is what I mean when I say that like, if I watched- if I binged this show, I would have not given a shit about it.

C: Okay. That's fine. I mean, that is what I assumed was gonna happen when this podcast started, I suppose.

G: You know what I like, though. Like, as it's zooming out, they start having a conversation, and we don't hear it. For obvious reasons, I think. I mean, the reasons that I like them are pretty obvious. But yeah! We're not privy to it, and that's a good thing! It's a good thing, you guys!

C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's such a fun looking conversation, because Aziraphale's gesturing so spiritedly-

G: And they're laughing, yeah.

C: And Crowley's not moving, but you can see that they're like, smiling and laughing at bits. And it's nice. And God does like, a narration thing where it's, "{erhaps the recent exertion had had some fallout-"

G: There was a nightingale, blah blah blah.

C: "- in the nature of reality, because while they were eating, for the first time ever, a nightingale actually did sing in Berkeley Square. Nobody heard it over the noise of the traffic, but it was there, right enough." And yeah, we close with the song. I mean, nobody heard it because of the traffic! Okay.

-

C: Grey, what'd you think about this episode?

G: It's fine. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: It is fine, though.

C: Yeah. I feel like most things were not wrapped up satisfactorily to me, but also like, yeah. There you go. But also, they're in wuv. So yeah. Well. Gayest moment?

G: I don't know.

C: I think I have... two? No, actually, there's a lot. I don't know. There's a lot.

G: [laughing] I love how I went, "I don't know," and you're like, "There's a lot!" I feel so guilty! I'm not doing a good job of talking about this episode.

C: You don't have to like it.

G: [laughing] Yeah, well.

C: Yeah. And you don't. So it's fine. Yeah, I think Aziraphale's smile, guilty look away, guilty look back, definitely gay. I think that the way Crowley, says, "angel" on "Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this all along?" -

G: Oh yeah, that one, yeah, I guess.

C: - is crazy-making?

G: I like the one where they sit together in the bus!

C: Yeah. And I also think "I'll never talk to you again" being the threat is pretty gay. Transest moment. I think “Aziraphale” being like, less good at being Aziraphale, real, is pretty trans. Like, Crowley, not being as good of an actor is pretty trans 'cause that's not his favorite shape.

G: [laughs] I just- I thought a horrible thing, which is that Madame Tracy is transgender in the Tumblr sense in this episode. [C laughing] God, I hate Neil Gaiman so much! I hate him so much. Why does he write women this way?

C: I don't know. It's very frustrating. You know what? I will say one thing about Maggie and Nina next season, and it's that they seem like normal people.

G: Yeah, like it's not like a gimmick, yeah.

C: Yeah, they aren't written in a way where the whole time, Neil Gaiman was thinking about how they were women and how that would make him respect them less on his page. Well- I just remembered a line. Most of the time, they're written like people.

Grey, what are your predictions for Season 2/What do you remember from that time I ranted to you about it for an hour?

G: Um, there's gonna be a kiss at the end, which is initiated by Crowley after a fight. And it will end with them parting ways, and the parting ways is Aziraphale goes to Heaven, and Crowley doesn't want to come.

C: Yup.

G: That's such an odd thing given where they end this season, but okay.

C: I agree with that statement. [both laugh]

G: Well, I know that there is a lesbian couple that they try to get together, and then when the lesbian couple gets together or something - maybe they don't get together, I'm not actually sure - they go to Crowley and say, "Hey, are you in love with the angel?" [C laughing] And Crowley's like, "Yeah." And then he goes to confess. And that's when the divorce happens. God, it's miserable.

C: Yeah, sorry, Crowley.

G: There's dancing! They do dancing, and Crystal, you hate it.

C: They don't pull out a single good camera angle for it! [G laughing] "Oh, we're gonna use fucking cranes for Shadwell and Tracy, but like, oh, no, we're just gonna have like, five seconds of them dancing and not even gonna be Emma. (2020) at all. We're not gonna use a crane shot, either. We hate you."

G: I think- Oh, I know how it starts! There's going to be- Well, there's going to be someone- What's it? Oh, angels! Heaven. Etc. They're both angels. They're both making stars or something.

C: I'm booing very loudly in my head.

G: And then I also know that- you know, the funny thing is, I went into Season 1 knowing absolutely nothing. I knew nothing about Season 1. Nothing.

C: You know basically everything about Season 2.

G: Yeah, minus everything. I mean, I know, like, broad strokes, but I don't know how they come together, or anything.

C: Well, do they come together? Is there enough writing to bring anything together? Are there even things to bring together? Questions we can ask ourselves next week. [C laughs]

G: Also, I know that there is- Oh, John Hamm and nakedness is going to happen. 'Cause I heard- 'cause I watched an interview for Season 2 of Good Omens of Michael Sheen and David Tennant, fully expecting that it will be spoiler-free, 'cause, you know, it's an interview, and, you know, they say, "Oh, it starts with John Hamm being naked." And I was like, "Okay, sure."

C: Well, that's in the trailers, so.

G: I don't watch trailers, though.

C: Yeah, yeah. But I guess it's like, it wouldn't be a spoiler in their minds.

G: Yeah. I know Beelzebub and Gabriel are together, but like, I don't know how that plays into the Aziraphale and Crowley situation. Are they like, "Oh my god, they're in love. Are we?" Probably not, though. That's probably not the thought process. But whatever. I know that when Aziraphale asks Crowley to go to Heaven, he kind of says, like, "I can turn you into an angel again," because that's the thesis of the [both laugh] "Enchanted" AMV, which I am obsessed with, if I'm being for fucking real. Yeah, I mean, that's it. That's all I know, I think.

C: Yeah. Well. You do know basically all of it. Let's go. Alright.

G: Let us go. Rating.

C: Rating. 6?

G: It's fine. I'll give it a 7.

C: Oh, wait, I liked it more than you, but you're giving it a higher number. Should I revise my number?

G: Well, I mean, okay, I'll go- I mean, you said that Season 2 is bad, so I'm reserving my lower numbers for Season 2.

C: Oh, real.

G: Also the highest- I think the lowest I've given is a 7.

C: Really? I thought you gave a 6 for last episode. Episode 5.

G: Well, okay, did I? Okay, I'll give this a 5.

C: Wow, okay.

G: It's worse than last episode.

C: I'll just give it a 6, same as last. Which seems both too high and too low. Anywhere the wind blows.

G: It's not that bad of an episode, it's just a bad culmination to the show.

C: It's a letdown. Yeah. Ah, well. That’s it for this week’s episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next week, we will be talking about Season 2, Episode 1: “The Arrival.” Or Season 2, Episode 1: "Chapter 1: The Arrival," 'cause they decided to be pretentious this time.

G: What the hell? C: Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

G: Follow us on social media! We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties, so we are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com and you can email us at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. Again, thank you to everyone who is reaching out to us. So nice. So fun. Thanks so much.

C: Yeah. Love talking about the show with you guys. Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

-

[beep]

G: Should we talk about my escapades with fanfiction?

C: Sure, man. Go for it. [G laughs]

G: Well, I started- after I watched the last episode, Episode 6, I messaged Crystal, like, "Hey, do you have any like, Season 1 fics that you desperately want me to read so so bad?" So they sent some over, and I read them. [both laugh]

C: You sure did.

G: Well, not only did I read them, I was like, you know, going back and forth between the browser and the Discord message where Crystal sent them, and I'm like, "This is so frustrating. You know what I'm going to do?"

C: "I refuse to use the mark for later or bookmark functions of AO3 built into the website-"

G: No, but like, I don't like them. I don't like the built-in bookmark and mark for read whatever function of the AO3 website. So I made a GSheet- Actually, I'm going to pull it up right now, just so that we can see how much fics I have down. And it's like, combination list of recommendations and also stuff that I have read. There's currently a 119 fics in this thing.

C: Slay.

G: Isn't that a bit crazy? I mean, I haven't read all of them, so.

C: Congrats. Fun.

G: Thank you.

C: And you have reviews.

G: I do. It's- So it's title, author, link, length, category - which is just, I added that earlier today 'cause I realized that I have a very, very, very huge preference to when Crowley and Aziraphale are lesbians [laughs], so like, I just want the category so I can find easier the lesbian ones - and then tropes and details and remarks. And my remarks do vary in quality. So, hell yeah!

C: And a lot of them are just, “It's fine.” [G laughs]

G: Yeah, the amount of fics that Crystal has sent to me that I've replied with, "It's fine." is truly astounding. [C laughs] But some of them are not just fine. They are excellent. So that's, you know. You get some- What's the term? You lose some, you gain some? [both] You win some, you lose some. Yeah.

C: Yeah. I've lost quite a bit, but it's okay. I'm very strong.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

-

[beep]

G: They also have the fucking Horsemen in Supernatural right?

C: They do? Oh, yeah in like, My Bloody Valentine, there's like, that Famine guy.

G: Yeah. Famine, yeah. Death is in the next episode we're going to discuss in BABPod.

C: Yeah, in like, two months? Month and a half?

G: Yes.

C: God, I don't want to go back to Supernatural. [G laughs] You know what? After Good Omens Season 2, I’ll be begging to go back to Supernatural.

G: Yeah, probably.

-

[beep]

C: Okay, wait. How are you finding reading the book? Because I couldn't actually do it the first time I tried 'cause I was like, "This is too similar to the show, and I'm bored." Like, I needed some time away from the show before I could actually get through the book the first time. Do you find that to be the case?

G: Yeah, a little bit. I got to- right now, I am just immediately after, like, Adam gets the dog, and it's like, "Yeah, fine, whatever." I was like, "It's boring." I don't- I don't- I mean, it's not boring. It's a funny book, but-

C: It's not that funny.

G: It's fine! I have other books that I want to read, so, you know what I mean?

C: Yeah. Are you doing the audiobook?

G: And there's other Good Omens fanfictions that are in my GSheets. No. Not doing the audiobook? I tried it, I didn't like it.

C: That's fair. Yeah, I think I listened to the Martin Jarvis audio book all the way through recently, but when I listened to the Tennant and Sheen audiobook I just skipped to the places where they said things 'cause it was like, "Who give a shit about the narrator? I just wanna hear them act out the lines I'm sad that they cut."

[mrsmorality]

so, the best books i’ve read in my whole life so far:

- captive prince [trilogy]: of course i have to debut the list with them (even if the order of the books doesn't match my order of preference). it was simply the first that came to my mind, so commendable and memorable is the story. if you haven't read it yet, do it NOW. the best enemies to lovers of all the time, with a development worthy of a round of applause and a strong and supportive relationship on both sides. yes, captive prince. you know you’ll always be on my mind!

- the song of achilles: yeah. i could never forget this one. is the most realistic love story i have ever laid my eyes on, full of obstacles and sacrifices. i really liked what the author did here, abandoning the historical narrative that achilles and patroclus were just friends or even relatives. she gave a whole new meaning to the story, never failing to keep the original line. there isn't ONE thing about this book that doesn't fill my eyes. the best childhood best friends to lovers, showing their relationship since they were just friends in childhood, to the blossoming of feelings that went beyond fraternal affection, and the way they handled it as they grew up. it's beautiful. i really love it

- all for the game [trilogy]: i mean. of course this story could never be missing from my favorites list. what i like the most about the story is what's hidden behind the relationship between the characters. their feelings aren't obvious and usual, and if you're looking for a light story, this isn't for you. it's all heavy: the way they relate to each other, the way they deal with their own problems, their pasts. they’re broken people trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out what to do with the glue they were offered. even so, they still find room in their minds to care (in distorted, but still, care) for their friends, teammates, lovers, and family members; they still protect each other, like one big dysfunctional family. everything about this book is not in the narrated words, but in what lies behind them: what lies behind each moment, each pause and each action. it is obvious, but subliminal, almost hidden. i love it. really. the complexity behind each character, his shaken psyche -- it's all breathtaking, it's all about keeping the attention. it can be hard to get past the first few pages but, man, once you do it's impossible to stop. also enemies to lovers

- the raven boys [tetralogy]: ok so i don't have enough words to describe or synthesize all my feelings for this book. i love every part of it: from the first sentence, that introductory line, to the last, the laudable ending. the story is impeccable, as is the plot on which it is based. the development of a course of action as well as the characters' relationship and their own conceptions of themselves and the world are simply things that appeal to me. the characters are amazing, real and liveable, and the bond of friendship they share is enviable. their love relationships, even if they're not all the book talks about, are breathtaking and make your heart flutter and melt. the key to the story is also hidden behind the action of the characters, behind silent cares and concerns, but there, always present. i love adam and ronan. i love how their relationship developed (friends to lovers), the patience with which it was structured, building slowly, before your eyes, under your nose -- but you didn't see it until the characters' feelings became more obvious to themselves and to each other, and began to submerge and overflow through every paragraph, every line of thought. it's beautiful. it's absolutely beautiful.

- autoboyography: this is among the books that came to me at an opportune time, so i have a huge connection to this story. it wouldn't be here if it didn't deserve it, and it does; this story is about love, about accepting it, and about reconciling that love, such a vital part of you, with religion and ingrained prejudices. it's a story you versus the world, you versus what you thought you were, what you wanted to be. it's about accepting that about yourself, so that you can be true to yourself, to the people you love. in the process, people who say they love you back will not always support your discovery or encourage your self-acceptance. this book is also about how we have to accept ourselves, regardless of what others think about it, because their opinion, however important, should never be everything, or overshadow your own opinion, your own wishes and desires. love is in innate acceptance, or at least the quest for understanding. it is in the understanding that the person is what he is, and that should be applauded, rather than just tolerated or ignored. this should be encouraged and cause for joy. you should never stop being who you are because of other people’s opinion, as long as you feel comfortable showing it. this book is about self-discovery and tolerance, in a world that represses the first and fakes the second. strangers to friends to lovers.

- we are the ants: this book is not a novel, although there is the development of one in the backstory. this book is about dealing with mishaps, with veiled depression, with a lack of faith and hope not just in the world around you, but in yourself. self-doubt is the worst thing, the most discouraging thing. if you don't believe in yourself, don't think yourself worthy of happiness or good things, how will you appreciate the world and how will you accept such things when it offers it to you? this book is a great journey. reality is behind every moment and bad and hopeless thought represented in every paragraph, but the journey continues, day after day, through the feeling that there is more in the world than what you are experiencing, that things can be better tomorrow. in friendships and in love lies a little willpower that recharges you for another day, for another obstacle that can bring you down (and that's okay. we fall and get up day after day, and that's okay), but not even that and it all. you must believe in yourself to fully revitalize yourself, to keep your feet on the ground and stand firmly on your feet, no matter how hard the world tries to bring you down. this book is about choices and the lack of it. it is about pain and depression, which is not always obvious, which you are not always aware of. it's about everything and nothing. it's about getting up after successive falls, when all you wanted was to stay on the ground. it doesn't matter if your legs are shaky when you get up, or if, as soon as you get your balance back, the world hits you and knocks you down again. keep getting up. as long as you are alive, you can still choose and try to realize how you want to live, what you want to be. nothing is definitive. bad feelings don't last forever (not even the good ones). life is cyclical, but with good company, a few glances at the bluish or gray sky, feelings that rise in your chest, discovering things you've never experienced, the wind in your hair -- things you never cared or paid attention to, minimal things, but that keeps you -- it's worth every takedown. strangers to friends to lovers

[kar-krashew]

my someplace is here [AO3]

Five times Alec gay panics at a bus stop (ft. umbrellas, jackets, and a bus driver who really isn't paid enough for this).

rated: T

for @rainyhuman and @peachygos (ily!)

This is so cliché and over the top and I have absolutely no regrets <3. Sometimes (always) Alec is a himbo who is in love and his actions reflect this entirely. I don't control these things.

One.

Alec Lightwood doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but the man across the bus stop is absolutely gorgeous, and he’s twirling in the rain like a goddamn movie cliché, and Alec’s first thought is holy shit, so maybe Alec Lightwood is an idiot, and love at first sight is definitely a Thing.

Alec’s second thought is that the man is an absolute maniac— because really, the dude doesn’t even have a coat on— but Alec’s the one with an insane urge to kiss a stranger in the middle of the street, so, whatever; They’re probably both maniacs.

Alec’s third thought is that he’s about to miss his bus. Shit.

—

Two.

For the record, Alec does not usually walk into bus stop poles while staring at his phone, nor does he usually yell out “Ow, shit — !” if the aforementioned event does happen to occur. He does, however, end up doing both of these things at once a week later, and the stifled laughter behind him informs him that someone at the stop has definitely seen him, and he’s never going to live this down, ever.

“I’ve personally found that walking around an obstacle tends to be much more effective, darling,” the someone says, and Alec supposes that was called for, but hey, rude. He looks up to face the speaker, preparing himself to be offended, and—

Oh.

It’s the beautiful stranger from last time.

The man smirks at him from the bench, drenched again, and God, he’s even prettier up close. Brown eyes, smudged eyeliner, water trickling down his neck, with a tunic open down to his navel and pants that look painted on— Alec’s brain is short-circuiting.

“Hit your head a little hard there? Or do you just see something you like?”

“Huh?” Alec glances up from where he’s been staring at the man’s collarbones.

“I asked if you saw something you liked, pretty boy,” the man repeats.

Alec opens his mouth, presumably to say something that would be considered appropriate and normal in this situation, but he somehow misses his own memo and instead stammers out: “I, uh, I have an umbrella.”

He prays the rain will have mercy and just drown him on the spot.

The man’s brow quirks upwards in amusement. “Excuse me?”

Alec, unfortunately, is still alive, so he must now suffer the embarrassment he’s managed to cause himself and find a way to explain whatever has just come out of his mouth. He ducks his head, trying to avoid eye contact as he speaks. “If you want it,” he elaborates, “I have an umbrella I can give you.”

The stranger just looks at him for a moment. Alec’s sure he’s going to be told to fuck off (which would be a perfectly understandable reaction and probably have been his own in this situation) but after another second, the man defies all of his expectations and grins, so wide that it steals a little of Alec’s breath away.

“Handsome and chivalrous, I see. Do you make a habit of offering your belongings to strangers?” the guy asks. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll need it later. Perhaps you should rescind your offer, I promise I won’t harbor any grudges.”

“I have a coat,” Alec insists, “and you’re. . .” —incredibly attractive, doing things to my brain function— “more in need of its services.”

He’s not really sure why he’s so adamant about this, especially since the man is right: he will be needing the umbrella later, but his pride’s involved now, and he hasn’t really been thinking things through for the past ten minutes anyway. He might as well argue about his dumb umbrella with a beautiful man at a bus stop.

“I suppose you’re right,” comes the man’s response. He taps painted nails against his chin as he hums. “I’m not in much of a position to refuse, now, am I? Though, I doubt I’d refuse any position with you involved,” he winks. “But, yes, if you’re being serious, I shall gladly accept your umbrella.”

Alec blinks. He honestly did not think that argument would’ve worked. (He chooses to ignore the blatant innuendo to preserve his sanity for now.)

“Well?” the man prompts.

“Oh! Yeah, sure.” Really, the whole zoning-out-while-staring-at-the-hot-guy thing is going to become a problem very fast if Alec keeps doing it every two minutes. He gathers his thoughts enough to fumble with the umbrella in his hand and give it to the man, who accepts it with a graceful flourish.

“I’m Magnus Bane, by the way,” the man offers. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.”

“I’m Alec. Lightwood. My name’s Alec Lightwood.”

Magnus holds out a ring-covered hand from where he’s sitting. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alec. Short for Alexander, I presume?”

“Yeah,” Alec nods. He reaches out to shake Magnus’s hand, adding, “but no one really calls me that.”

Magnus’s smile turns into something incredibly flirty, and Alec can feel his cheeks heating up. “I like to be special, Alexander,” the other says, “and it suits you far better.”

Alec’s not really sure how to respond to that, because the way Magnus says his name is doing things to him, and that, combined with the fact that he’s still clutching Magnus’s soft hand in his own, is probably going to give him a heart attack. He’s about to say something decidedly stupid about Magnus already being special and perfect and amazing when the bus saves him from humiliation and pulls up next to them.

Alec releases Magnus’s grip to awkwardly gesture at the vehicle. “I should really. . . you know,” he trails off, and Magnus blinks at him for a second, surprised.

“Oh, right! You should get going, places to be and all that.” He waves his hand through the air dismissively. “I’ll return your umbrella to you next week, same time?”

Alec smiles dopily as he nods. “That sounds great.” He takes a step back. “I’ll see you soon, then?”

“Of course.” Magnus gives him a little wave. “It was lovely to meet you, Alexander. Safe travels.”

“Thanks, uh, you too.”

Having to walk home in the rain is so worth it.

—

Three.

Izzy laughs at Alec for the entire week when she finds out why his umbrella’s been missing, then makes it worse by telling Jace, who gives Alec an incredibly long-winded speech about umbrellas as metaphors for protection during sex or something. He also deigns to throw a condom at Alec’s face when he leaves to get the bus, which sends Izzy into another bout of cackling laughter.

They’re both assholes, and Alec is never going to cover for them at family dinners ever again.

So he’s scrolling through his phone at the bus stop, trying his best to ignore the increasingly obscene texts his siblings are sending him, when Magnus shows up, bright and beaming and decidedly dry this time, though he’s still not wearing a jacket despite the cold.

And dear lord. If Alec thought Magnus looked gorgeous while soaked in rainwater, this is something else entirely. Gold-streaked hair, unbuttoned shirt, immaculate matching eyeshadow— fuck.

“Alexander!” Magnus greets. He sits down beside Alec on the bench, and grins as he hands over Alec’s umbrella. “Finally a little dry, hm? Though I might’ve underestimated the cold and left my coat back home.”

“Yeah,” Alec says. “Not that you were wearing one when it was raining.” He’s trying his best not to stare at Magnus’s mouth, but the man is very close to Alec’s face right now, and he cannot be blamed if his gaze slips a few times, okay? He’s only human.

Magnus shrugs, drawing Alec’s sight to his shoulders instead. “Coats are irrelevant, anyway. I haven’t worn mine all week, so I might as well continue the trend,” he remarks, and Alec snorts.

“I don’t think that’s as impressive as you think it is. You sound like a petulant toddler. How have you not had, like, five colds by now?” he says. Magnus feigns a pout in response, and Alec stifles a laugh.

“Such cruelty, Alexander!” Magnus replies, “Ah, I suppose I’ll just have to suffer the elements until I’m finally back home again, since no one seems to harbor any sympathy for me. Woe is me, and all that.” He tightens his hands around his biceps, rubbing up and down to warm himself up while sighing dramatically, and Alec, well,

Alec gets a really stupid idea.

“Do you want my jacket?” he asks. “I won’t be out in the cold for that long, and I’m wearing a much warmer shirt than you are.”

Magnus’s lips part in surprise as something conflicted flashes behind his eyes. “I—” he starts, then clears his throat. “I wasn’t being serious, darling. That’s your jacket.”

“Is that a no?”

There’s a moment of silence before Magnus shakes his head. “No, it’s not. I, uh, I’d love that.”

Alec beams, and Magnus clears his throat again. “You’re horribly trusting of someone you’ve only met twice,” he says, voice a little strangled, but Alec just shrugs as he begins to wrestle the black fabric off of his shoulders.

“It’s just a jacket,” he explains, leaning closer to drape it over Magnus, “Even if I never got it back, at least you wouldn’t freeze to death on your way to wherever you’re headed.” He fixes the lapels dutifully, and smiles to himself. “Besides, you’ve already given me my umbrella. I trust you.”

“Is that so,” Magnus answers weakly, which prompts Alec to look up from his fiddling, and oh wow, their mouths are so close to each other’s.

If Magnus inches in just a little bit closer, then they’d—

They’d—

“Um!” Alec jerks backwards, face flushing, “Yes, uh,” he stammers, trying not to look overwhelmed. It’s not going great, because moving back means that he’s now being treated to the sight of Magnus in Alec’s jacket, and he’s having some issues thinking properly right now. It swallows Magnus’s wrists almost entirely and looks far too plain for his expensive printed shirt, but fuck. It’s possible that Alec didn’t think this through.

Magnus opens his mouth, hopefully to tell Alec to kiss him but also probably to tell him to fuck completely off for whatever move they almost pulled, but the bus suddenly turns the corner and pulls into view, cutting him off.

Alec’s not sure whether he’s relieved or furious about this.

“Next week, then,” he ventures. Magnus blinks at him slowly, then nods.

“Yes, of course,” he smiles softly. “Next week.”

—

Four.

“Remind me again, why your presence is necessary today?” Alec grits through his teeth, tightly gripping his umbrella as the rain pours down on them. Izzy punches his arm, not even looking up from her phone as she does so, where she is no doubt giving Jace a play-by-play of Alec’s every action as they walk towards the bus stop.

“Because I’m never one to miss out on good blackmail content,” she replies, which is true. She’s got about four folder’s worth of content of “embarrassing shit Alec has done” on her phone, most of it consisting of his painful attempts at being straight in high school, and Alec’s pretty sure she’s started a fifth, probably titled “Alec’s horrible attempts at flirting with men,” which isn’t that much better than the straight one. Alec is debating turning around and just walking to his destination so that his sister won’t be able to gain more content for her virtual blackmail folders, which is exactly when Magnus comes into Alec’s field of vision.

Alec freezes in his tracks. Holy shit.

Magnus is standing in the center of the street again, drenched from head to toe with his head thrown back . The streetlights illuminate him from above, highlighting the curve of his neck and the colored streaks in his hair as he laughs to himself, staring up at the stars.

He looks ethereal. Alec’s never been one for the romantics, but he’s pretty sure this is what poets mean when they talk about true love and angels and immortal moments in time.

“Oh, he’s hot,” Izzy whispers approvingly. Alec agrees, because, obviously, but he pretends he’s unaffected and straightens his face.

“He’s probably freezing,” he says instead. Izzy rolls her eyes— she gets that from him, he really should stop doing that— and then, before Alec can stop her, calls out.

“Hey! Hot Umbrella Guy!”

What the fuck.

“Are you insane?” Alec hisses. He was trying to look nonchalant and not like the totally lovestruck idiot he is, but now Izzy is waving at Magnus like a maniac and Magnus has noticed them and is walking towards them and Alec is going to die. He’s going to write Izzy out of his will and then he is going to collapse into a heap of embarrassment and gay panic right here, and it’s going to be his sister’s fault.

“Relax a little, hermano,” Izzy replies, and before Alec can provide her with an alphabetized list for every reason he cannot relax, Magnus is already standing before them, smiling as water trickles from his hair.

God, he’s beautiful.

“Hello, hello!” he greets. Alec suddenly notices that Magnus is wearing Alec’s jacket, which is, well. Something. (Izzy is never going to let him live this down, and also Alec is having a very hard time thinking any thoughts.)

Magnus seems to notice Alec’s wandering line of sight, following it and glancing down, eyes widening. “Oh my god, I was fully intending to return this to you, I’m so sorry. I got a little distracted. I’ll have it cleaned and returned to you next time, I promise,” he explains. Alec shakes his head.

“No worries,” he manages, cutting himself off before he says something even stupider like “it’s yours forever” or “marry me” or something, and Izzy snorts from beside him. Alec hates her.

“Thank you,” Magnus says, then turns to face Izzy, “And what may I call you, dear?”

“I like him,” Izzy declares, in what Alec assumes is meant to be a reassuring whisper but instead ends up being incredibly loud, “I’m Izzy, Alec’s sister. And I assume you’re the elusive Magnus I’ve heard so much about?”

“Izzy,” Alec warns. Magnus smirks and shakes her hand.

“The one and only,” he confirms. There’s a mischievous sort of glint in his eye as he glances back up at Alec, and Alec’s not sure how he feels about Magnus and his sister already getting along so well, but he’s sure it can’t lead anywhere good.

“Well, Isabelle,” Magnus says, “If I asked him, do you think your brother would join me for a dance?”

Alec chokes. “What?” he splutters. Magnus turns his grin to face him.

“If I asked, Alexander, would you join me for a dance?”

“I—” Alec starts, staring down at the hand Magnus has outstretched in front of him. There are so many reasons he should say no, and so many reasons this is a bad idea, but also the most beautiful man Alec has ever seen is holding his hand out for him to take, and what else is he supposed to do? “Yeah,” he says. “Sure.”

The first thing Alec notices is how soft Magnus’s hand is in his as he pulls him out into the rain, laughing as it hits his face again, and Alec can’t help but laugh along even as water soaks into his shoes and drenches into his socks. There’s something so childish about it; giggling and spinning in an empty street without any music, holding hands like toddlers, and Alec wouldn’t have it any other way.

“You’re thinking too much,” Magnus murmurs, then he tilts his head back and closes his eyes. “It’s about being in the moment.”

Alec smiles. If only he knew, all he’s thinking about is this moment: how the water catches in Magnus’s lashes, how he’s humming something entirely off-key under his breath, the way he presses against Alec’s chest. Fuck. Alec’s known this man for three days, and he’s halfway in love already.

He closes his eyes against the rain, too, and smiles at the thought: loving a man like Magnus Bane.

Yeah, he could get used to that.

—

Five.

When Alec reaches the bus stop today, Magnus is nowhere to be seen and Alec’s jacket is sitting in a bag at the bus stop with a little post it signed with the letter “M.”

It’s fine, Alec tells himself. Magnus is probably just busy with something else, and this has nothing to do with the fact that Alec froze up awkwardly when Magnus kissed him on the cheek last week, to the point where Magnus had to nervously laugh it off because Alec was too busy panicking.

It’s a flimsy argument, but it keeps Alec from losing his mind for about fifteen minutes until the bus pulls up early and Alec realizes that this is it. He’s not going to see Magnus this week— maybe not ever again, if Magnus has decided that Alec’s gay panic is not worth his time, and Alec wouldn’t even blame him.

God, he feels so stupid. If he hadn’t acted like a complete idiot last time, then he would’ve at least had some closure.

“Sir, are you getting on or are you waiting for another bus?”

Alec blinks, glancing up to see the bus driver raising her eyebrow at him. “Right, sorry, give me just a mo—”

“Alec!”

It can’t be.

“Alexander!”

Alec spins on his heel, turning to face whoever called his name, and oh my god, it’s Magnus. He’s running up to the bus stop, waving frantically, and Alec is overcome with such a large wave of relief that he forgets that the bus driver’s been waiting for him for like five minutes now and he climbs off and runs towards Magnus, only vaguely registering the sound of the bus leaving without him. He doesn’t even care; Magnus is standing right in front of him, panting heavily but still so beautiful and perfect, and Alec would walk home everyday if he got to see Magnus because of it.

“Alexander,” Magnus huffs, gathering his breath. He absentmindedly reaches out to grab Alec’s shoulder, and Alec immediately wraps his arms around his waist to stabilize him. “Oh lord, one second, I ran all the way here.”

“I thought you were gone,” Alec says, still holding onto him. “You left the jacket and I thought—” he trails off.

Magnus frowns. “I’m so sorry,” he says. “I thought I’d made you uncomfortable last week and didn’t want to make it worse, but I didn’t realize how rude not showing up would be. I know you probably don’t feel the same way but perhaps we can still be friends? I can be completely professional about it, though you seem to have just missed your bus—”

Alec grabs Magnus’s tunic (because he’s still not wearing a jacket, Jesus Christ) and kisses him.

Magnus blinks at him when they pull away. “Oh,” he says, a little breathless, and Alec smiles.

“I don’t want to be professional about it,” he admits.

“Oh. . .”

Magnus still seems shell-shocked, so Alec makes a move to let go of him, shifting his arm away from Magnus’s waist, but then Magnus leans back in and presses his mouth back to Alec’s and oh, nevermind then.

Alec’s not sure how long they spend there, kissing like handsy teenagers under the roof of the bus stop, but he’s aware of a few cars passing (and possibly another bus), so he’s not ignorant of the fact that it’s definitely been a while when they finally pull away for more than a second. Magnus is staring at his mouth when they part, though, which is not helping Alec’s resolve to actually have a conversation about this.

“We should talk,” he manages, and Magnus nods, still staring at his mouth.

“Right,” he agrees. “That would be a wise course of action.” His eyes flick upwards for just a moment, and something flickers behind them before he beams. “My place is two stops away, if you’d like to talk there. Perhaps we can wait for the next bus together, since we seemed to have missed the one I usually take? It might take a while, though.”

Ah. Alec swallows back a grin of his own. “Of course,” he replies, “I don’t suppose you know any way to keep us busy till then?”

“I’m sure I could think of something.”

(The bus comes late, and they still somehow almost miss it. Alec refuses to take any blame for this.)

—

+ One.

Alec Lightwood didn’t believe in love at first sight, but the man standing at the bus stop is smiling softly at him as he approaches, twirling an umbrella between his hands as he waits, and Alec’s first thought is holy shit, so maybe Alec Lightwood was an idiot, because what else could it have been?

“Hello, stranger,” the man says when Alec finally reaches the stop. He glances down, taking in Alec’s rain-soaked button down and slacks, and grins. “Forget your umbrella back home?”

Alec laughs. “My coat, too,” he agrees. “I got distracted this morning.”

Magnus hums, leaning in to kiss the rain off of Alec’s mouth, and Alec smiles into it, tasting the faint wax of lipstick and the salt of the rain. “Must’ve been a pretty good distraction.”

“Yeah,” Alec says. He leans in again, because he can. They have time. “He is.”

Magnus’s lips have got a lovely little tilt to them by the time they pull away, tint slightly smudged from Alec’s attention, and he’s never looked more beautiful, even with the dingy lighting of the shitty bus stop they’re standing under.

God, Alec loves him. He feels a little stupid with the feeling, and he can’t help but step back out onto the rain, holding out his hand.

“Hey,” he murmurs. Magnus’s eyes light up with understanding. “Care to join me for a dance?” And sure, Alec’s shit at dancing, and sure, they have to get on the bus sopping wet minutes later, but they’re both giggling like idiots and clutching the umbrella together between their intertwined hands and Alec’s got a little ring box in his pocket just waiting for the right moment, so what else matters?

They’ll probably have to invite the bus driver to the wedding, though. It’s only fair.

[everything-laito]

if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too. 

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well. 

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em. 

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse. 

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason. 

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track. 

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors. 

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older. 

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki​ and @amiecris​ for helping me think this through on Zara’s server! 

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance. 

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It’s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too. 

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her. 

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this. 

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn

[ineffable-endearments]

CW below for a discussion that relates to homophobia, transphobia, queerphobia, acephobia, and related subjects. no specific stories, the themes just generally appear. i hope i didn't screw up and will fix it if i did.

so i was thinking about what makes Aziraphale and Crowley resonate as a queer love story, not just a "forbidden romance" (a trope that can be painfully cishet when it wants to be, which is often).

and i mean, obviously. there are a LOT of things. a lot. but something that didn't occur to me before is their relationship to each other relative to their sides.

at first, one would assume that they aren't supposed to be talking at all. this is probably true on a surface level. like, it's probably considered uncool to be caught chatting with The Enemy.

however, we do see that it's kind of normal for angels and demons to talk with a degree of civility. they don't trust each other deeply, that much is really obvious (Beelzebub says as much to Michael), and they do probably plan to kill each other eventually. at least, i think they genuinely believe that's how it's going to play out.

but! the front entrance to Heaven is in the same building as the front entrance to Hell! Aziraphale and Crowley literally walk into the building side by side! i know it's a funny joke, but Heaven and Hell aren't framed as stupid enough, by the end of the series, for that to be pure incompetence.

Michael has been in contact with Ligur for who-knows-how-long, feeding him information and presumably being fed information in return. Gabriel is entirely capable of speaking amicably with Beelzebub once it looks like their Plan isn't going through. and, of course, the Sides easily collaborate to punish Aziraphale and Crowley.

it's obviously normal for angels and demons to have a civil relationship of some sort.

a number of references are also made to the ways that the Sides are ultimately the same. Beelzebub and Gabriel are operating out of the same rulebook, after all; they both think the War is "written," they just differ on who's bound to win. to them, the most important thing is not even to thwart the other side on Earth - it's to get to the part where they're at war. they will absolutely collaborate with each other to reach that goal. they consider themselves part of the same Plan. consider even Crowley's thoughts in the book about how demons have "an unpopular job" but are "essential" to the running of the universe. they may be culturally different, but they all know they belong to the same society.

therefore, merely talking together is probably not strictly forbidden for Aziraphale and Crowley. even being sort of friendly probably isn't strictly forbidden. again, uncool? yeah. deadly? i doubt it, to be honest. heck, to their bosses' faces, they could use it as an excuse to spy on each other whether any actual spying got done.

what's the real problem? the thing everyone's upset about? it's not just that don't kill each other on sight. the real problem is that they prioritized each other. they got too intimate. their desires for a life together challenged the status quo, and even though they weren't the ones who were finally responsible for stopping the war altogether (that was Adam), they were blamed and sadistically punished for trying to preserve their relationship and their lives here on Earth instead of "growing up" and fulfilling their predetermined roles in Heaven and Hell.

in real life, society punishes people for prioritizing friendships in a way that most people assume is to be reserved only for romantic and sexual relationships. Heaven and Hell punish people for prioritizing friendship in a way that most people assume is to be reserved only for the glory of their cause.

and irl, when people are romantic or sexual (viewed as too intimate) with someone who is considered the "wrong gender," we punish them again for that. cisheteropatriarchal culture tends to expect men in particular to be not too intimate with each other and fuels a total hiding of emotion between them, although goodness knows women get pitted against each other and are expected to choose men over each other, too. also, the status quo does not know how to handle nonbinary people at all; the status quo gets angry if you even try to acknowledge that they exist. but if there was a widely-popular etiquette structure established for enbies, i'd be willing to bet it would also be a weird rivalry thing.

like, each gender sort of gets treated as "we all think the same in this gender, which is why we get along, but we don't like each other too much, because that would be gay."

"we're all looking to keep the Great Plan in motion, but we don't like each other too much, because then we wouldn't be on opposite sides."

basically, Aziraphale and Crowley read as a queer love story because their affection for each other and the lives they've created together challenges the traditional roles their shared society forces on them. it's a happy queer love story because not only do they manage to choose that affection over the status quo, they succeed and go on to enjoy themselves.

i'm a little nervous about posting this rant, because it's kind of saying, i guess, that Crowley and Aziraphale's queer relationship is characterized by their challenges to the status quo, and i don't think by any means that has to be true of all queer people. i mean, people can be quietly non-cishet, never let anyone know, never tell a soul, and they'd still not be cishet. and also, isn't the point that someday we'd get to a point where nobody has to deal with bigotry or even disrespect?

but at the same time, it is kind of impossible to look at the history and not see significant struggles, including ones that appear in stories over and over. i can't tell you how many posts i've seen on this site alone about how queer love and queer survival are themselves acts of resistance. and IMO, that's what Crowley and Aziraphale have.

[fandomlovingfreak]

Healing His Heart (4/?)

Young Remus Lupin/Reader

Rating: E for Everyone

Word Count: 2890

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link I Tiktok Link

Summary: (y/n) is two years younger than him, a popular Slytherin, and Regulus Black's best friend. Yet he can't help but be attracted to her bewitching personality and sweet smile. Unfortunately, his er--problem makes it harder to get close to others. Despite his attempts to push her away (for her own good) she seems determined to worm her way into his life.

Notes: Thanks for reading!

Enjoy

"I asked her out," Remus says in the common room later that night, "to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"Asked who?" James springs from the couch.

"(y/n), of course." 

"(y/n)?" Both James and Sirius yell at the same time.

He jerks his head away from his two friends, "yes? Isn't that what you've been bothering me to do for months? Make a move?"

"Yes," Sirius's eyes are wide, "I didn't think you'd do it, though."

"She's very-- persuasive."

"Obviously very persuasive!" James laughs, "I honestly thought you'd never do it."

Remus shoves his nose back into his textbook, embarrassed by his friend's comments, "Well, I did."

"How'd she manage the impossible?" Sirius asks, leaning towards him.

Remus feels his neck burn. He is not telling James and Sirius (and whoever else may be around the commons room) about the whole speech and then-- the kiss. "She and I talked it out. That's all."

Sirius squints at him, "I don't believe you."

"What? Why?" 

"Because you've been so adamant since Summer that it would not and could not work out. Something happened--" Sirius's devilish grin widens as if he's had a sudden, brilliant realization, "you kissed her! NO! She kissed you!" Remus tries to look stony, he really does, but his face most definitely spills the truth as James and Sirius laugh. James ruffles his hair, asking how it was.

He shushes them, "stop it. It's not that big of a deal--"

"She took the initiative and kissed you. (y/n) really does get what she wants, eh?" James winks, elbowing Sirius playfully.

Sirius squints at Remus, all joking thrown to the back burner, "that's my brother's friend, Moony! You better not hurt her, you understand? She's practically a Black."

"Not for long," James singsongs "(y/n) Lupin has got a ring to it."

Remus rolls his eyes, his cheeks a brilliant shade of red, "I don't have time for this-- I've got a Charms paper to write."

"I bet he's going upstairs to plan how he's going to propose," James snickers. Remus flips him off as he makes his way towards their shared dorm.

"You have to ask my permission first before you ask her!" Sirius shouts after him.

"Shut up!" Remus practically runs up the stairs to end their embarrassing words.

***

Eventually, after the longest week of his life, the Hogsmeade weekend does come.

He finds her waiting for him in the courtyard, donned in a large black winter coat that reaches below her knees, snow boots with fur around the edges, a large knit scarf in Slytherin colors loosely wrapped around her neck, and a grey beanie on her head. He thinks she looks absolutely adorable in her winter gear.

"Hi," his voice is breathy, the crisp air making his words visible in the air.

"Hi," she looks down at his gloveless hands, "are your hands not cold?"

"They're fine." (y/n) shakes her head slightly, taking his hand in one of her mittened ones.

"You can't walk around in the cold without gloves," she tuts, smiling up at him, "tell me if your other hand gets cold. You can have my other mitten."

"I'm not taking your mitten (y/n). Besides, I can put one in my jacket pocket," Remus uses his unoccupied hand to move her scarf further up her chin.

"We'll have to get creative how we keep your other hand warm then." Remus flushes, causing (y/n) to giggle. "C'mon." She pulls him towards the snowy path. He stumbles for only a second, easily pacing her as they walk.

"So--A walk?" he can't think of anything more intelligent to say at that moment, much too focused on the feeling of her hand in his.

"A walk, yes." she glances up at him, "Ask me anything. I'm an open book."

"Anything?" he takes a moment to think of an interesting question but lands on, "what's--uh, what's your favorite class this year?"

(y/n) looks thoughtful for a moment, "surprisingly, I'm rather good at Potions. I think I'll be allowed to take advanced in the upcoming year."

"Really?" he's impressed, "I'm awful at potions."

(y/n) smiles, "What's your favorite class?" 

"Defence Against the Dark Arts," he answers swiftly. 

"Oh really?" she glances at him, "what about Defence Against the Dark Arts do you like?"

"All of it. I think the entire class is fascinating. Maybe it's because it covers such a large range of topics in our world."

"Yeah? Regulus told me once you're big into tutoring younger students. Have you ever thought about teaching after graduation?"

"Me, teaching? No, I haven't. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do once I graduate."

She looks at him, funny, "No? No dream career? But you're absolutely brilliant. I'm sure there are a million different departments at the Ministry that would really benefit from your presence."

He chuckles, "Thank you, but uh-- not many people would hire me."

"Why?"

"Well--the whole…werewolf thing usually disqualifies me from most jobs."

She stops their walking, "What do you mean? People don't want to hire you because of that? That's asinine, Remus!"

He looks at the girl, so full of rage over how others treat him. Something he or she can't control. "It's how people are--"

"No! That's bullshit. Why--why do you let them treat you like that? Why hasn't anyone done anything?" Her (y/e/c) eyes shine with the raw indignant emotion.

"You don't have to be angry on my account. I'm used to it by now (y/n). I've lived with this condition for a long time now."

"I still--" she takes a deep breath, "It's not fair."

He offers her a small smile, squeezing her hand. At this moment, she looks like she'd go to war for him, and he can't say he's upset about it. If anything, it's deepening the feelings that were already present for her. "I know. But, it's not worth being angry over. People will be people." She huffs but doesn't respond. After a moment of silence, he asks, "what do you want to do after graduation?"

(y/n) glances up at him through her lashes, "I want to be a healer."

"Yeah? Would've guessed… professional Quidditch player," he teases.

(y/n) shoulder checks him playfully, "You sound like Regulus. He's tried to convince me at least a thousand times to give up the healer dream and focus on Quidditch."

"We could all go and watch the famous (y/n) (y/l/n)," Remus grins at her. He could see it. She'd been Slytherin's prized Chaser for two years now, and from what he's seen himself, he could see her leading a successful Quidditch career.

"Well, it's not going to happen," she laughs, "I've always wanted to be a healer. That's why I make sure my marks in potions and herbology are top of my class. But I don't want to work for St. Mungos if that's what you're thinking." she shakes her head, "I want to open my own shop. Maybe in my lifetime, I can cure some diseases and ailments. At least make people's suffering less than it is now. Just do something good, you know?"

He nods, impressed by her career choice. He shouldn't be surprised that she's so passionate. The girl was about to burst into flames over his mistreatment moments ago. "That's incredibly admirable. I'm sure you'll achieve the goals you've set out for yourself."

"Probably why I'm a Slytherin, eh? Ambition and all that," she waves her hand in a very 'Sirius' manner, no doubt adopted after years of summer's with his friend.

He chuckles, "obviously."

"Maybe," she looks away from him shyly, "if you can't find anyone open-minded enough to hire you based on your skills, you can work at my shop."

"Offering me a job on the first date? Guess I can't fuck this up, huh?" He jokes.

(y/n)'s bubbling laughter spills from her lips as she bumps her shoulder against his, "You're good with maths, right?"

"Good enough," Remus shrugs.

"Perfect. You can look after the books and the store as I tinker around with my potions during the Wizarding World of its ailments in the back."

He grins, "sounds like a deal."

***

She asks him mundane things, like what his favorite food is and his favorite color. He hasn't been quizzed like this, probably ever, as she attempts to get to know him. All of this seems surface level, like she doesn't want to pry too deep. Maybe she's afraid he'll get scared away if she tries to push him too hard for information. Whenever he can get in a question, though, she's all too happy to answer. 

She's chattering on about her parents when he stops them in the middle of the path, turning to face her. 

"What are you doing?" she watches as he moves to adjust her hat so he can see her eyes better.

Remus doesn't answer her question with words. Instead, his fingers roam her jaw before he's leaning down to kiss her quickly. The soft warmth of her lips resting against his for the moment is intoxicating. The kiss is gentle and innocent but warms his whole body. He doesn't know how he went on for years, not kissing these lips.

(y/n)'s eyes flutter open, "what was that for?"

"Just wanted to," his eyes flick back down to her lips, "again."

"Again," she's grinning, pulling him back down to her lips by his scarf. Her tongue swipes across his bottom lip, demanding to deepen the kiss as her fingers run through his tousled hair. Remus groans as she tugs at the hair at the nape of his neck, finally allowing (y/n) to kiss her how she pleases.

She feels so warm and solid against his body and under his hands that rest on her waist.

"Moony!" Remus pulls away from the kiss at the sound of Sirius's voice. Looking towards where Sirius's voice came from, he sees James and Sirius laughing like this was the most amusing situation they've ever stumbled upon.

"You haven't even gotten the poor girl a Butterbeer yet. Here you are snogging her on the main road?"

"Shut up, Sirius," (y/n) scowls at Sirius, hiding her face slightly in his chest.

James snickers, "I thought we taught you better, Moony."

Remus frowns, "get out of here." They continue to walk away, making kissy noises. Remus leans his forehead against hers, muttering a sorry.

"It's fine--" she giggles, tilting her chin up to press another kiss to his lips.

Remus pulls away from the kiss, rubbing a hand up and down her covered arm. "C'mon. I'll get you that Butterbeer so no one else questions my intentions."

(y/n) rolls her eyes, "I don't care what James and Sirius think."

"You're not the one who has to share a dorm with them later. I'll never hear the end of that." He gestures with a nod towards his slowly retreating friends.

(y/n) giggles adjusting his scarf around his neck, "If I kiss you again, will it make it more bearable?"

He chuckles, "maybe." She leans up again, kissing him quickly before she's again dragging him back down the snowy path.

***

He does get her that Butterbeer eventually after they've walked the path rather slowly to make the time last. They sit at one of the tables nearly in the corner of Three Broomsticks. (y/n) continues to chat away happily, her fingers intertwined with his over the wooden tabletop. 

"So what's it like sharing a dorm with those three?" she asks, taking another sip of her Butterbeer. 

"It's madness," he laughs against the rim of his mug, "but they're the best friends I could ever ask for."

(y/n)'s smile reaches her eyes, "Yeah?"

"Of course, they drive me insane. It's impossible to sleep around them. Sirius loves to pull pranks on anyone who's sleeping."

"I'm fully aware of that. I stopped sleeping in Regulus's room once I became the victim of those pranks." Her eyes twinkle in the muted light of the pub. Remus loses concentration on their conversation for a moment gazing into those (y/e/c) eyes. 

"I'm surprised he dared prank you."

"You think I'm special enough to not be a victim of Sirius's pranks?"

Remus shrugs, "Regulus and Sirius are very protective of you."

She frowns, "what makes you say that?"

Remus leans further over the table, "My life has been threatened by both the Black brother's over you this year alone."

(y/n)'s expression turns to shocked, "no way. What did Regulus say?"

"Demanded to know why I was leading you on. Told me off right in the middle of the hallway," Remus smiles at (y/n), rubbing his thumb gently against the back of her hand.

She looks mortified, "I told him not to intervene--"

"He was right, though. I was acting like-- well, like a jackass. I'm sorry about that, by the way. The whole night at the pub... and everything after that. It was-- immature, to say the least."

"I was so angry at you at the pub, Remus. Were you really that jealous over me talking to that guy?" Remus, feeling still embarrassed over the way he reacted that night, flushes a deep scarlet.

"I don't know what came over me. You don't know how badly I wish I could go back and change how I reacted--"

"It's okay, Remus, honestly."

He smiles, looking at their fingers. Hers look so small in his own, so-- fragile against his scarred ones. "I can't believe I tried so hard to keep you away from me. It's silly. You're-- you're so wonderful…"

(y/n) laughs, "you are too… so sweet and-- gods, Remus…" she's got this look in her eyes that releases butterflies in his stomach, "you don't even see how wonderful you are. It's almost heartbreaking."

He feels his cheeks heat up at her words. No one has ever shown him this sort of affection before. He's watched on the sidelines, and James and Sirius dated people, never really daring to try half in fear of rejection and half because… well, no one tried. And he's partially to blame as well; it's not like he tried. With (y/n), though, it didn't feel like much trying was required. She made it easy.

"Again, I don't see how I deserve you." Remus rubs at the back of his neck, too embarrassed to meet her eyes again.

(y/n) sighs in exasperation, "Remus Lupin-- enough of that. Now tell me something---" she pauses, "tell me something about your childhood."

"What would you like to know?" he rubs his thumb across her knuckles.

"What are your parent's names?"

"Lyall and Hope."

"Did they both attend Hogwarts

Remus shakes his head no, "my mum's a muggle. But my dad, yes."

"Really? I always assumed both your parents were wizarding folk."

"My dad met my mum because of a Boggart. Saved her from it and well, the rest is history."

(y/n) giggles, "that's so cute! Both my parents went to Hogwarts. My mum was in Ravenclaw and my dad, Slytherin. But mum's muggle-born. But my dad, yes."

"Really? I always assumed both your parents were wizarding folk."

"Do you spend a lot of time with your mother's family?"

"No. I don't see my parents very often either."

"Why not?" 

He hesitates for a moment, "with my condition… I don't like to, you know, give my parents any issues."

"There's no way your mother thinks that is acceptable. I mean--"

"No, you're right. She's begged me for ages to come home for breaks, but it's easier to either stay here or stay with my friends." And safer for everyone.

(y/n) shakes her head, "so you stay for… Christmas break at the castle every year?"

"I've stayed at the Potter's once or twice, but yes. For the most part."

"Remus…" she reaches out to touch his cheek, "this year you're planning on staying here--?"

Remus's eyebrows furrow. Even if (y/n) knew what was wrong with him, he didn't exactly still know how to talk about it so openly. "The full moon falls on Christmas this year."

He can see the gears moving in her brain before she opens up her mouth, "Can I stay with you?"

"(y/n)..." he chuckles, "I can't ask you to stay with me. You're going to be horribly bored here--"

"C'mon. Are the boys staying?" she pleads with him.

Sirius had already planned on it anyway, "Yes."

"Then I'll stay too."

"You should go home and see your parents--"

(y/n) rolls her eyes, "I'll have plenty of Christmases with them in the future. C'mon, I'll get Regulus to stay too. We'll make a whole ordeal out of it on the twenty-fourth." It's tempting to let her throw away her plans for him...

"Are you sure? I don't want to ruin your break--"

"You'd hardly be ruining my break, honest." 

Remus can't help but succumb to her generous offer, "Okay. If you're sure."

(y/n)'s face visibly brightens when he agrees, "of course, I'm sure." 

***

"I had fun," she's got her arm hooked with his, snuggled up close as they walk back to the castle.

"Me too," Remus glances down at her. Her lovely smile, directed towards him, makes him feel like he's won some sort of lottery. 

"It's no Hogsmeade, but... do you want to study in the library with me this week?" she asks.

"You've completely stolen my heart already," he laughs.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Ya know what these self-indulgent Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow posts need? Self-indulgent banner art, that’s what.

Spoilers for issue #4!

Let’s start this off right with CREATOR CREDITS. Issue 4 of Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow is titled “Restraint, Endurance, and Passion.” Written by Tom King, Art by Bilquis Evely, Colors by Matheus Lopes, Letters by Clayton Cowles, and Edited by Brittany Holzherr. (w/ Assist. Editor: Bixie Mathieu & Senior Editor Mike Cotton)

THE STORY: 

Right, so this? This issue? Best one yet.

Also the bleakest of the bunch thus far; even though we don’t always see the brutality of the space pirates that Kara and Ruthye are following, there’s...the suggestion of it. The aftermath. And how Kara responds to it.

Okay, getting a little ahead of myself. BASIC PLOT SUMMARY: Ruthye and Kara continue their pursuit of Krem, who has taken up with Barbond’s Brigands.

The Brigands basically just. Murder and terrorize people, for profit.

Each planet they visit brings new horrors, as well as people who need Supergirl’s help.

And help she does.

KARA-CTERIZATION:

I yell a lot about the art on this book, and have, in fact, openly admitted that I’m primarily here for Evely and Lopes.

Well, that wily son-of-a-gun King went and wrote some of the best ‘Super’ stuff I’ve ever read and dang it, dang it, now I gotta yell about the words too. XD

Specifically, I wanna yell (in a good way!) about some words that occur towards the very end of the book.

Kara and Ruthye have Seen Some Things; things like genocide and mass grave sites and horrible violence, and upon reaching a planet where peaceful monks were slaughtered, Kara’s had enough, and needs to leave because if she screams, she’ll destroy what little is left of the monks’ monastery.

Here’s the text in full, because my gosh. It’s so good:

“What I write next I write based on my observations in those long-ago days at the side of the greatest warrior in the history of this august reality we all call home. It is important to note that my assertions do not rely on anything Supergirl said. It was not a subject we ever discussed or even approached, but nonetheless I believe it to be as true as the turning of worlds. You see, what is not well understood about the daughter of Krypton is that her power was not one of action but one of restraint, endurance, and passion. She did not choose to fire a beam from her eyes, or have breath of ice, or run faster than a speeding bullet. Or any of her other well-documented miracles. No, she held back her heat vision to look you in the face. She warmed her breath to converse with you. She slowed herself to walk by your side. Ever moment of every day, she suppressed the forces churning inside of her. All of the energy of a dead world that strained against her many barriers, eternally demanded to be released. I believe this effort hurt her. I believe she lived her life in pain. But I reiterate again, for I think it important enough to repeat--These beliefs are based on my time at her side, watching her as she moved through strife and sorrow. If you were to have asked her, I have little doubt she would have claimed that such as assertion was absurd. She would say she felt fine and well and then she’d as you if you needed any help.”

A long chunk of words, I know (this comic is DENSE!) but like. This is it. This is one of the defining attributes of the Supers--all that raw power at their disposal and they choose to help people, to be kind, to suppress that power for the benefit and safety of others.

HNNNNNNNG.

Hope, Help, and Compassion for All.

Whole lotta folks claimed at the outset of this book that King did not understand Kara, that he was a bad fit. And that may be so, I suppose--there’s a whole other discussion about like. The violence and swearing and ‘does that belong in a Supergirl book?’ But the characterization? Getting that Kara and Clark are just good people? 

King gets it. He got it in Superman: Up in the Sky and he gets it here, in Woman of Tomorrow.

Other things King gets! Kara is stubborn! Kara is passionate! Kara is going to fix things, even if the effort of doing so hurts her, physically, emotionally, and mentally!

(Fuuuuuuun fact for the crowd saying that Woman of Tomorrow is vastly superior to the CW show: TV Kara is ALSO all of those things! King isn’t pulling this stuff out of thin air. It’s almost like...gosh. I don’t know! Both the show and Tom King are pulling from the character’s comic history, or something!!!! HOW NOVEL.) 

Like, seriously. There’s a lot of overlap. Stop pitting Karas against each other!

Anyways!

I promised art, so here is art!

Oh, right, forgot to mention, Kara literally THROWS HERSELF INTO THE SUN to express her grief and anger, so as to not cause that unnecessary destruction. She gives new meaning to the phrase: Set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. 

More art yelling: GOTTDAMN, the way Evely draws Kara just colliding with the surface of the sun and then the way Kara’s hair like...becomes the flames...

I am FEELING FEELINGS. HOW DARE.

Also, props to King and Cowles; King for deciding to have that initial scream, Cowles for the way the letters burst forth from the point of impact on the sun, and then back to King who decided that it would just be...devastating silent screaming from Kara, for the remainder of the scene. 

Back to the characterization, I just wanted to highlight something I mentioned...earlier on, I think? In these posts? But haven’t brought up recently, and that is how this book has not once brought up Zor-El, and I think Superman only got a quick mention in issue 2.

Honestly, I think that’s gotta be some kind of record.

It’s so refreshing. Not because I think there should never be mentions of Clark, or anything--I love that boy--but because so much of modern Supergirl comic drama is mined from the same like, angsting over her place compared to Clark, or her crazy sometimes-a-supervillain dad. 

There is no Clark and Kara drama here, no manufactured friction, because it’s just. A cool Supergirl story! 

Gonna keep going, but let’s do it with some more...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Once again, Mat Lopes is all over the dang place with his palettes, it’s marvelous.

Each new planet gives Evely the opportunity to go hog wild on the worldbuilding and design, and similarly! Each new locale is an opportunity for Lopes to set the tone with colors. Like, here, towards the beginning of the book, we’ve got a planet bathed in this warm, pale yellow/orange light. 

(Quick note: “Sure, yeah, I get it. We all have our duties. And it’s mine as a neighbor to do what I can to help you with yours. Please.” A+ Kara content. We love to see it. And then locating the remains of the alien’s daughter, so that they can go visit the grave site and have some emotional closure???? It’s just. So. Touching.)

Anyways, back to colors.

Like!!!! LOOK AT THAT JUMP. From the soft, almost pastoral feel of the delicate oranges and yellows to HARD GREEN, PINK, AND PURPLE. (Difficult colors to pull off in print, I might add.) 

(This is also an interesting scene, character-wise, because I think it helps re-contextualize some earlier stuff with Kara. Like, I’m mostly thinking that incident on the bus, where she was swearing at the passengers as the space dragon was about to destroy them. Here, we see Kara kind of...goad this alien woman into releasing her pent up emotions by yelling at her/getting her to fight, and you can clearly see at the end of it that Kara did not mean the things she said, because check this out:

She goes and gives her a hug once the woman is able to finally cry.

It’s not ‘Kara is being mean, Kara is swearing at her’, it’s, ‘Kara has an unorthodox solution to a problem, and she’s gonna FIX that problem, NO MATTER WHAT.’

Circling back to the bus thing--again, that could be an instance of ‘unorthodox approach to a weird situation that Kara is going to handle because lives are at stake.’)

But also, DIG THAT KIRBY KRACKLE, BAY-BEEEEE!

And a little Strange Adventures easter egg! The Pykkts! 

(I think those guys are unique to the Black Label series, rather than deep Adam Strange lore, but don’t quote me on that.)

Moving on to YET ANOTHER PALETTE, one I’ve dubbed, ‘Treasure Planet Purple/Grey’

Love Ruthye’s snoozing against the door, waiting for Kara.

Also, just as striking as the colors of the environment, are the colors used on Kara. 

If you compare this page with the previous one, Kara’s eyes are a paler shade of blue, and the red-rimmed look on her eyes here is not as intense as the red-rimmed look we saw back in issue one, when she was confronting Krem. 

All of which to say! There’s a pale, haunted quality to both the linework and the colors. Like. We know Kara has Seen Some Things. But she’s shoving all that stuff down to protect Ruthye, to save Krypto, and to stop these monsters, and you get all of that WITH COLORS AND LINES ON A PAGE.

I love it, I love it so much.

OTHER BOOKS WISH THEY HAD THIS LEVEL OF CHARACTER ACTING, I TELL YA! THEY WISH THEY HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL ALCHEMY OF INKER, COLORIST, AND WRITER WORKING IN SUCH TIGHT TANDEM!

Ahem. XD

Alright, last bit of art, lest I just. Post the whole issue in here. (Which I’m honestly always tempted to do but Strong Feelings about Piracy hold me back.)

JUST HECKIN’ LOOK AT THAT BLUE, MAN. JUST LOOK AT IT. S’BEAUTIFUL.

And more stunning character acting from Evely. Like. Bottom middle panel. The expression, the tilt of her head and the shadows on her eyes...

*insert silent flailing here*

Oh, also, KRYPTO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVESSSS (for now). 

I’m never right about these things, so I’m glad the one time I’ve correctly read a thing is when it involves Krypto not, ya know. Being dead. XD

Also absolutely love that Kara’s instinct is to send Ruthye home to protect her--once more leaning into that whole, ‘I’m going to protect you, even at great cost to myself’, though of course we know that she can’t send her home, not here, not now, just halfway through our journey. 

ERRRRRRGH, so mad we’re not getting twelve issues of this! CURSE YOU, POOR SUPERGIRL TRADE SALES! CURSE YOOOOOOU!

That said, King’s pacing? Has been phenomenal. I feel like Strange Adventures and even Mr. Miracle kinda...I’m not gonna say dragged, that’s not quite right. But it is more build up, I guess. Takes a while to get to the payoff.

Here, I think King is pushing things steadily along as he doesn’t have the benefit of an additional four issues, so he has to get to the point, so to speak. Keeps everything moving.

SOME FINAL, MISC. STUFF:

I’ve sort of glossed over the darker stuff from this issue, and I just wanna note that like. This is a book that features a bad guy getting stoned (in the death sentence way, not the drug way) on panel. Like. I can’t recommend this to children.

I can’t even really recommend it to some other Supergirl fans, because I know that the King elements will be too off-putting. 

It never feels like the book is going too far, though. At least in like an...exploitative way? If that makes sense?

The violence is handled with discretion, I guess is what I’m trying to convey. This could very easily tip over into like, gross shock factor territory, if not handled well, but I think the creative team pulls it off.

...Still wouldn’t hand this book to kids, though. XD

As mentioned, we’re halfway through this series! Can’t wait to see where it goes--every time I think I have this book figured out, it surprises me. So, like. Bring on the Dinosaur planet! With no sunlight! I wanna see how Lopes handles THAT. XD

(But Oh, OooooOOooh, we gotta wait until NOVEMBER.)

(Hhhnnnnng!)

(Then again, maybe that’s good; we’ve got the TV show in the meantime, and then once it ends we can pick right up with new Supergirl content just a few weeks later.)

(...Aw. Made myself a little sad, thinking about the TV show coming to an end.)

:C

So as not to end on that sad note, here once again is tiny, smushed Kara:

Give ‘em the ol razzle dazzle.

[parrishh]

i'm like, 90% sure all of the anons in my inbox right now are actually the same person so, if that's you, i'm just going to answer all of your mister impossible questions in this post since there are a lot of them and this is going to be really very extremely long

"Wait what why is Jordan awake?"/"Is the sweetmetal of declans picture helping jordan stay awake?"

i don't know why she's awake but i don't think it's the painting, because at the end of the book she's outside declan's apartment, not her own. i guess it's possible that she succeeded in making the painting a sweetmetal powerful enough to sustain her even there, but i feel like there's probably a different explanation. i've seen theories that she's inadvertently made herself into a sweetmetal by finally seeing herself as her own person rather than just a copy of hennessy, which is interesting

"And the things about the ley line Idgi? Hennessy wants to stop the power but for what"

i think hennessy thinks shutting down the ley line is the best (or even only) way to get rid of the lace. she hates herself for the lace to the extent that she doesn't even want to live anymore, so of course that's her primary motivation. she feels hopeless so long as the lace has power. she's desperate

"Why did he think adam was in on declans plan? I think the "oh" was more like oh you want to come with bryde of course...."

the "oh" is in response to ronan saying "i'm calling now. i need to see you", before there's even any mention of bryde. adam says "you're here? oh", not "you're here? why are you here?" the fact that he didn't ask why ronan was in town, the fact that he said an "oh" of realization instead, implied that he already knew why ronan was in town. and he could have only known by speaking to declan. i think it was a reasonable conclusion on ronan's part

"Ronan are you being serious????? Why should Adam/Declan drop everything and come fight with you - they didnt even know where you are, they don't know the plan. Then you accuse them of that Moderators plan without questioning them. And I mean, yes, Ronan is easily manipulated and he thinks everyone is against them and Bryde is the only one who cares but come on!!!!!!! Seriously, doesn't he get that he might be in the wrong????"

i mean, i think you hit the nail on the head when you said "he thinks everyone is against them." for a long time, he's been struggling with feeling alone, like he's a burden, like the people he loves don't really understand him. he's never had a healthy relationship with another dreamer, so it makes sense that he feels so isolated from literally everyone he cares about. and now he just found out two of the most important people in his life went behind his back to conspire against him (even if he doesn't have confirmation about adam, declan does admit to it over the phone) which is just...salt on a wound he's had since he was a kid. i'm not saying he's in the right, but i do understand why his immediate reaction was what it was. when you've been hurt like that, it takes some time before you can like, calm down and reconsider your own role in the situation

"Ronan basically dreamt Bryde in his worst dream right? Why does he still trust him"

i mean, i don't know how much we can believe what bryde says, but when he reveals himself as being ronan's dream he basically says that everything that he (bryde) wants, ronan already subconsciously wanted before he even dreamt him. that bryde wants it because ronan wanted it. to admit that bryde is in the wrong, ronan would have to admit he, himself, is in the wrong, too, and that's not easy. especially because a lot of his motivation is saving matthew and not wanting to live with the weight of matthew's life on his conscious anymore. especially because he's felt alone for so long, and now he just found out the first dreamer to truly make him feel less alone is his own creation. he's hurting. a lot. he will admit to being wrong in the third book, i think, but like i mentioned above, that kind of growth takes some time

"I think Ronan actually doubts Brydes plan too bc he thinks stuff like people built the dam, there are living things here, it cost a fortune..... and i personally never see a purpose in what they're doing bc bryde never tells them and ronan obviously doesn't know or he thinks he doesnt. I think he doesnt and he just trudts bryde blindly for now and his insecurities aka bryde take over and rule over ronan. Thoughts?"

i mean, i think ronan sees the purpose. here are his thoughts, directly quoted from chapter 17 when bryde is talking about restoring the ley lines:

"A world where Matthew could just live. A world where Ronan could just dream. A world where every dream was clear and crisp and easy to navigate, so there were never accidents or nightmares. He wanted it."

he wants, as i mentioned above, for matthew's life to not be reliant on his own (which i understand. that's a really heavy knowledge to live with.) he also just wants to be able to exist wherever he wants and with whomever he wants (thinking, for example, about how he wasn't able to get an apartment in boston in cdth), without constantly worrying that the nightwash is going to kill him. poor guy just wants a normal life

"Also did we ever actually see bryde get something out of a dream? Most work did Ronan"

this is interesting. now that you mention it, i don't think we do. supposedly he dreams the orbs, but i can't recall ever seeing that happen? i could be wrong, though

"And why is the nightwash mostly ronans problem? I mean hennessy and rhionna (?) had it very little and who knows if the other dreamers have it"

i think ronan is a much, much more powerful dreamer than any of the others. there's something...More about him. something special about being the greywaren. i don't know what it is, specifically, but i anticipate that's something we'll find out in the final book, and i expect it'll explain why the nightwash affects him more than it does the others

"Who the hell dreamt the mods"

i don't know! i think the most popular theory right now is that it was nathan farooq-lane. i'm not sure how that works, though, since they killed nathan and bryde took the sweetmetal off of lock pretty early in the book (unless nathan isn't actually dead, somehow) (or bryde is nathan, which is another popular theory). another theory is that it was ronan. like, he was feeling so alone and misunderstood that he accidentally dreamt his own persecutors? or it's possible that they were all just dreamt by random dreamers and that's why they felt strongly enough about the "cause" to become moderators, but that's kind of boring

"And why are R B and H so dangerous? Bc of what they're doing?"

yeah, and, i mean, according to liliana's visions, they have the power to end the world

"Can I point out that Idk what everyone is talking about, I dont get pynch possible breakup vibes at all from this book"/"Am I trippin or did I read another book? Because some fellas say there's no pynch"

i think when people say there's no pynch, they just mean that there's very minimal pynch interaction, specifically. because, yeah, even though they're both constantly thinking about each other, it is true that we only get one moment of them actually interacting (the phone call), and it's obviously not a positive interaction

i don't think anyone actually thinks they'll break up. at least, i haven't seen anyone say that and i've been feverishly reading everything under the mister impossible tag, so

"What struck me as really odd was that Adam bought this stupid 14$ waffle which he would have never done a few months back and I dont think he would do it now? 14$ is a lot of money esp for a waffle so why spend it on something as useless as this? And why do the others need Adams money? Are they all on scholarships? Was it just bc he had cash and the others didnt? And why is he treating them like his followers and they treat him as their guardian or whatever like he clearly needs to be honest with them"

okay, first off, i will say, as someone who grew up poor and, like adam, absolutely busted my ass in high school to get a good scholarship so i could go to college, the relief of actually getting that scholarship is...powerful. my financial anxiety definitely didn't disappear once that happened, but there was, at least in my experience, this feeling of "i made it, it's going to be okay now" that made it a little easier to spend money. i don't think it's that unrealistic that he, now having the security of a harvard education, would spend fourteen dollars on something he doesn't need every once in a while. it would be completely out of character for henrietta adam, yes, but it's a bit different now. plus, it wouldn't suit his faux Harvard Adam persona to refuse the waffle because of how much it costs

i think his friends are all a lot more well-off than he is. it was just that they didn't have any cash on them and the waffle truck didn't take card (also realistic, i never have cash on me so i always have to ask someone to spot me when a place turns out to be cash-only)

i think (a) they all look up to him because he has this really calm, cool and collected persona. more importantly, we can assume that they were all struggling with something when he met each of them, since they were all crying. now in swoops this guy who saw them upset and came to comfort and befriend them. of course they see him as something like a hero. and (b) i think he likes that. in high school, he was the one being rescued, not the one rescuing. i think he enjoys being the kind of person he used to wish he could be (ie. gansey. he's being gansey)

"I thought it a bit funny in a weird way that Declan talked about marrying Jordan…I can't imagine he was being too serious about it?"

no, i mean, i don't think he was literally proposing, not yet. he's just really happy for the first time in a long time (maybe ever) and, after a lifetime of pain and trauma and more responsibility than he ever signed up for, i don't blame him for wanting that feeling to last forever, even if he's not really thinking clearly

"Also I think it's amazing they make each other so happy but the ending makes me a bit sad or surprised bc shouldn't Matthew be his nr1 priority now?"

we only have jordan's perspective at the end, so when she thinks that it was clear declan had come out of his apartment looking for her, i don't think that necessarily means he wasn't also looking for matthew. i don't think it's fair to say that, in that moment, he should prioritize either matthew or jordan. he loves two dreams, so he can and should be concerned for both of them equally. i don't think one love is inherently more important than the other just because it's lasted longer or because it's family

[oscar-lime]

Evil Oz / Salem reincarnates AU?

I'm not super sure what to call it yet... info under the cut because I've been planning this one for awhile now.

Feel free to ask me any questions about it!

• The rules for immortality are different. Salem maybe ends up in a soul different from hers that is meant to help her learn and grow. Maybe Ozpin has to live forever to learn a certain lesson as well (trust? Honesty? Just based on something he is known for doing wrong... I'm not sure on this one yet.)

• Instead of a merge, the more dominant soul in the body will eventually gain most of the control. The other will start to struggle to be in control at all until they are just a voice in the back of the other's mind.

• Salem took control of most of her lives by force... she hated not being in control. Oscar was her youngest host, and she ended up thinking back on her children... so she is now trying to make sure he is himself, and trying to make sure he ends up the body's main soul for a change. Even a heartless monster sometimes feels bad when she realizes her next life is a child.

• Oscar can control grimm, but it takes time and practice. Salem's magic is also extremely powerful, so he struggles to hold it in now since he does not know how to control it at all. (She just really wants him to hit the point where he can control the hound.)

• When using Salem's power to control grimm, Oscar's veins temporarily turn red/black (it's a gradient of both colors)

• "Hello Oscar, I'm Salem. Now leave this sad little farm and go to my castle." "*loud screaming*"

• Hazel is the one to realize Oscar is the next Salem. He has her inner circle. She gained them in slightly different ways in her past lives.

Hazel: Ozma sent his sister into another kingdom, then staged her death and made it appear to be a murder to cause conflict between the kingdoms.

Tyrian: Salem wanted someone ready to kill and cause destruction when she needed it. So she offered him the opportunity to kill whenever he wanted (as long as he followed her orders and didn't kill any of her allies.. she always provides him with grimm or prisoners to harm) and for her to hide him away from the law.

Watts: He could make whatever he wanted and she would provide the materials, but in return he had to help her with technology anytime she requested.

Cinder: She was offered revenge. Salem explained what huntsman and huntresses truly are to her, and offered to help her become strong enough to take revenge on the ones who ignored her when she needed help the most.

Emerald, Mercury, and Neo all still followed Cinder.

Roman was actually hired by Ozma for that whole thing with the trains, along with Adam and the White Fang. Ozma chose to destroy his school like that KNOWING it would cause conflict.

• Ozma is immortal. His inner circle is not actually aware of what he is planning. He wants to watch humanity tear itself apart.

• Of course even if they learn of Salem's existence and unite, it still benefits him since they would be fighting against her, and he could use the tension to draw in more grimm and doubt between the nations

• Oz is ALWAYS subtly feeding Ironwood's paranoia. He hopes James will cause a war for him amongst humanity.

• STRQ originally, like every other huntsman and huntress, believed they were doing good. They had no idea Ozpin had been manipulating all of humanity and the academies just to do his bidding. Some "criminals" are truly innocent. They just stood against Oz in someway so they were wanted dead or alive. If he gets them alive he makes sure to make them regret even daring to stand against him... and of course he doesn't want word spreading.

• Raven left when she found out Ozma's true intentions.

• Tai just settled down with his family and is staying out of it. He figures he has time before the world ends, Ozma can't work that fast right? His kids would totally have time to grow up. (He was heartbroken hearing them say they want to go to Beacon)

• Summer actually discovered Ozma's plans, and was killed for trying to fight against him. She wasn't aware of Salem, so she stood up to him on her own.

• Qrow couldn't believe Oz was bad, not after everything he'd done for them. So he stayed around. Ozma has his inner circle tricked into believing he is saving the world.

• Oz still gave out his magic. Two watchbirds are very helpful after all. The maidens are human, the potential they have to cause chaos and destruction is amazing! Plus then the relics are hidden, so Salem CAN'T summon the gods.

• Jaune died. Pyrrha found out something was fishy when she was supposed to be getting the maiden powers, so she got out of the transfer machine with her semblance when she and Jaune realized. She started out fighting Ozpin, but Jaune ended up taking her place because he had the big shield and told her to go warn the others about what was going on.

• So after the fall the group still travels on, just now they want to get the relics AWAY from Oz and to a safe place. They join up with Oscar + Salem's crew eventually

The lamp is the reason Qrow turns against Oz. When they ask what he is hiding the backstory reveals how he began to hate humanity with time, and the joy he took in watching them fight and destroy each other. Qrow is shattered by the truth since he was supposed to be the one hunting the kids down, but he then decides he has to protect them... and apologizes for not believing them.

Oz still has the upper hand though. Salem only has the fall maiden (the one with the hardest to find relic anyway), some henchmen, and a bunch of children. Oz has humanity already starting to argue and nations not trusting one another, plus the academies at his command. Atlas is going nuts because Ironwood is much more paranoid since Oz has been feeding into that.

• Leo did actually still have connections to Salem. His family was sent to live in her castle for their protection, and in return he snuck her team into Beacon. She gave the orders in her old vessel from her castle. But she made her way there around the fall because she wanted her team out safely. It's not always easy for her to find new minions after all, and she didn't want to lose the fall maiden.

• She had a team in the school to try and figure out what Oz is planning, exactly how he tricks the students, and where the relic might be hidden.

• Leo ends up killed by Qrow (poor bird man), as he is one of Ozma's most loyal followers before he turns and considers what Leo did a horrible betrayal.

The Atlas arc goes EXTREMELY different. Penny is sent to actually hunt down RWBY and co at first, but when she sees it's them she doesn't fight them very hard. She doesn't want to take them... they get away, and encounter her again when they head to Pietro for Maria's eyes. She prepares to fight them, but Maria and Pietro quickly stop both sides. After a long explanation of everything, Pietro and Penny are on their side (since Pietro already could see something was fishy just from his work on the inside)

The happy huntresses recongnize the main cast as fugitives right away and absolutely love them. They weren't sure what these kids did, but placed more blame for the main groups criminal status on authority instead of the kids. The group was happy to have allies to stay with and work with behind Ironwoods back.

Monstra pulls up (Atlas was raised, unfortunately) and RWBY, NOPR, and Qrow are like "Yeah that... that is our ride."

There was definitely still some bloodshed in Atlas. Qrow almost convinced Clover of the truth... buuuut then Tyrian happened and Qrow had the same reaction...

Now the group can't leave Atlas because Mantle is struggling and Qrow and Robyn got arrested.

Oscar is kidnapped by Ozma. He is trying to learn what Salem is planning, where she is hiding the relic of knowledge, and where she is keeping now her two maidens. Out of Oz's inner circle, he chooses to trust Glynda to do the right thing since for obvious reasons, Hazel is not torturing him this time around.

Oscar's outfit is different this time. Orange is his main color, so he keeps the orange. Maybe he gets some sort of cape, but with long sleeves for the cold he tosses over his farmer outfit. He could be influenced by Salem since she is a part of him without realizing and maybe change the gloves to red, and have some red (or red and orange) on his cape. I'm not sure the exact colors yet. Basically though his little cape thing is a jacket that just... doesn't really go past the sleeves. It was the only thing I could think of that wasn't just another hood, and the cape seemed fitting because of Salem's subtle influence. (Oscar does not want to kill people, Salem has no problem killing people. She will forcibly take control of him if she feels he is in danger.)

Silver eyes work a bit differently here. They are basically angels, and their power works best on grimm. However, if they begin to truly believe a human is just as bad as a monster or see them in the same light (even without realizing) they can do a bit of damage to them as well (Maybe turn a bit of them to stone, blast off part of them, badly burn them, etc.).

[fantastic-rambles]

Ahhh yaknow what you’re right. I just went back and looked over some of the rod, and I didn’t see Langa explicitly agree to not to skate with Adam. He promised that he wouldn’t quit skating with Reki, but he only acknowledged Reki’s warning to not be reckless. It actually makes a bunch of sense why Langa would be confused by the distancing and argument. I see now why you were upset with Reki’s behavior. It feels kind of like a ‘secret contract’ sorta thing where Reki got upset over a broken rule Langa never realized he was supposed to abide by. And not only is that unfair like you said, but it flipped the situation as if Langa was being untrustworthy to his word when really Reki didn’t trust Langa not to quit skating with him just because of danger/injury. And especially since I’ve seen people make solid arguments for Langa being neurodivergent or neurodivergent-coded, it’s really not a stretch at all for him to see the situation like you did. Langa most likely saw the issue as solely reckless behavior leading to quitting. But clearly Reki’s own jealousy/insecurities added Langa preferring better skaters as potentially leading to them not skating together without ever discussing it until Langa was blindsided during the argument. I would’ve looked a better apology from Reki where he fully explained why he was upset when they were making up. It’s human for his feelings on the issue to change, but that should’ve been better expressed to Langa. Although Langa did a great job of accurately smoothing over what was bothering Reki without that. Maybe that’ll be rectified if he apologizes to Miya. I think Miya deserves one especially since Reki physically shoved him after he opened up about why his actions were such a sore spot for him. I actually thought Miya’s words would help Reki see the other side of things so seeing Miya get pushed was like a “Bro wtf??” moment for me. Again it’s understandable that people act out when they’re angry and Reki was obviously already struggling with his emotions, but it should be acknowledged again how wrong that was. Boy are you opening my eyes to a lot of problematic stuff lol.

Also, I’m very curious as to why you hate Shadow. For me, it’s because I can’t move past that comment in ep 1. I know ppl brush it off as just an (unnecessarily misogynistic) act for his persona, but that woman literally didn’t say anything to him and he insulted her for no reason by using her body as trophy to be defaced if he won. Ew. And just because he’s super nice to the flower shop lady, he does not get a pass. If he’s only respectful to women he’s attracted to and jumps at any other the opportunity to degrade women, he’s still a misogynist. And I’m pretty sure that he already new flower shop lady when the series started, so I don’t think you can argue that his character developed to be better towards women as a whole because of her or that he wouldn’t do something like that again at this point in the story. Especially since the goal of proving yourself as a “strong man” has not historically worked out to men being compassionate with women. (Tho within a vacuum devoid of his other actions, I can appreciate his commitment to a makeup routine)

Oh! And I would totally wanna read that fanfic if you write it!! I’m not even as gung-ho about Adam going to jail as most fans and Adam-haters tbh. Mainly because it’d probably be for political corruption via money bribes which is already kinda common and I don’t think the show has stated him to be doing anything particularly bad with it I don’t think so?? Like it seems to be mainly for the purpose of keeping S secret which is indeed a waste of money and effort when he could just buy it, but on the other hand, there doesn’t seem to be any ill consequences on the citizens the politician represents. So yea, it’s illegal so the jail time is technically deserved. But also like... no harm no foul🤷‍♀️ If he would be getting charged for assaulting other skaters than I definitely think that’s fair, but I doubt that’ll happen in the show just because I feel like no one will actually say anything when the time comes partially due to the shock of his arrest if they’re even involved. And I mean, Cherry was pissed at Adam for getting skaters hurt but still rolled out the hospital and joked like he was fine, so I just don’t particularly see anyone calling him out on it to the point of it being apart of his sentencing. The end of ep 11 with Cherry and Joe arguing about one of them going against Adam just doesn’t sound like condemning him to battery charges to me XD

But yaknow I’ve been loving hurt/comfort type fics lately, so I’d be really interested in seeing Adam truly work and change himself for some type of redemption in that setting. I can see hitting rock bottom as being really good for him given it may provide a reprieve from having to manage his image. Adam is underrated in complexity so it’s always cool when people try to flesh him out more and dive into his inner world. And of course Tadashi is kind of my fave (if you couldn’t tell) so I love anything healing for him as well :)

Yep, I was majorly pissed at Reki for how he treated Langa and Miya. His behavior is absolutely problematic. Not as bad as Adam, obviously, but with everything I’ve said and you’ve realized... yeah. I’m glad he made up with Langa and will probably make up with Miya, but it doesn’t invalidate everything he’s done before. Yes, he’s still an immature teenager, but I don’t think he realizes how messed up his behavior was, even after making up with Langa (the resolution seems to be based on him accepting that he’s not an ace skater, rather than recognizing how toxic his behavior was), so I’m still not satisfied. But hey, it’s probably just me being hyperfixated on trivial details that nobody else even cares about. /shrug

(I’m glad to know that I wasn’t misinterpreting the “promise,” or lack thereof, though!)

And I have two major problems with Shadow. My first--and biggest--problem is, as you’ve pointed out, that he’s an enormous misogynist. At “S,” people have the freedom to be exactly who they are beneath the facades that they show to the world. For example, Adam is someone desperately searching for someone who can understand him, not the perfectly put-together politician Shindo Ainosuke. Cherry and Joe are more true to their “real life” selves, but there are differences in their behavior on the track and off. And then there’s Shadow, the overcompensating “strong man” who threatens to make a guy tattoo “Dumpster Slut” over his girl’s name. So I 100% agree with everything you said about Shadow. He’s a chauvinistic pig.

The second problem is that I honestly think his actions when he’s racing are worse than Adam’s, and the only reason it’s not made out as such is because he’s the buttmonkey rather than the villain. I believe that, as problematic as Adam’s antics are, he does not intend to cause severe physical harm to his opponents. I’ve discussed this idea in more detail in other posts, but in short, even in the most extreme case--Cherry’s--his injuries were far lighter than they would have been if Adam had seriously wanted to hurt him. Death, coma, etc. were all highly probable outcomes of that situation, so the only reason they didn’t happen was because Adam was holding back. Or anime logic. But even anime logic can only stretch so far. And against lesser opponents like Reki, he generally holds onto them to ensure that they don’t accidentally hurt themselves when they’re panicking.

Of course, Shadow doesn’t intend to cause severe physical harm to his opponents either, but he does not exert any control over the situation after he throws fireworks at his opponent or shines a laser in their eyes. We’ve twice seen his opponents fall off the course as a direct result of his actions: Reki in the first race, Harry in the quarterfinals. They could have just as easily fallen off the cliff or slammed into a wall (at full speed) and been badly injured. If Shadow were an actual villain, I fully believe that he would have an actual body count of people who died racing against him (as opposed to Adam’s trail of injured opponents). So it bothers me that people shrug off what Shadow does while screaming for Adam’s death.

As for the scandal subplot... I’m *pretty* sure it’s a lot more serious than Adam bribing the police to leave “S” alone. I think he’s actually involved in some majorly shady/illegal activities politically. Like, in Episode 7, when the other Diet member gets pulled over, arrested, and has his house searched... there’s no way that has anything to do with “S.” At the very least, the two of them were collaborating on something really bad, something serious that Adam lied about under oath, and that’s enough for Adam’s staff to worry about what’s going to happen, especially Tadashi. We don’t know what it is specifically, but it’s definitely a lot more than just passing out bribes to hide “S.”

Lol, I’ll have to see how it goes. Probably won’t start it until after the anime finishes at the very least so I can see how it turns out for Adam and Tadashi, plus I have another half dozen WIPs at the moment and nowhere near enough time to work on them all. xD

[babycracker]

Echoes In The Forest - Chapter 11

None of Unit Bravo know what to expect when they're sent overseas for a mission. Surprises await them in the Black Forest, but perhaps Adam stands to find out more about himself than he's ever bargained for.

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Female Detective/Adam, Female Detective/Mason Word Count: ~3k Warnings: None

You can find this chapter on AO3 here. Start from the beginning here.

--

If things had been awkward with Adam before, now they were disastrous and Jordan found herself wishing for the first time since meeting Unit Bravo - including the time she’d been captured by Murphy - that she’d never met them. 

He wasn’t exactly making things pleasant for her since their moment, as she was convinced that it was the moment after the feeding rather than the feeding itself that had made him so distant. He’d kissed her neck, both of them apparently so distracted by what had just happened to realise that it was happening until his lips had made contact with hers, snapping them both out of it.

She has no way of knowing what it was like for him, because he refuses to speak to her, but she knows that she felt more than she was expecting to. She’d been prepared for the physical pain, prepared for the feeling of helplessness that had washed over her before she sternly reminded herself that she trusted that Adam wouldn’t hurt her. She hadn’t been prepared to find herself close to tears over the emotional pain she felt. Not her pain, but it might as well have been for how hard it had hit her.

He had unknowingly left some of his sadness behind in her and it breaks her heart. She doesn’t know what memories are causing the sadness that she feels, but she knows it’s deep and destructive and she can already feel it festering away inside of her. She can only imagine how bad it is for Adam to live with the full brunt of this, day in and day out.

She glances up as Felix comes and sits beside her on the edge of the stump she’d sat on with Adam the other day. He’s grinning at her, but she can see the concern in his eyes as plain as day.

“How you goin’ trooper?”

He slings an arm over her shoulders as he asks, his fingers rubbing at her bicep lightly and she can tell that he’s subtly trying to put her at ease.

“Trooper?”

“Yeah, because you're handling everything like a champ. We all kinda thought you’d be a bit of a basket case after, you know.”

“Who says I’m not?”

He jerks a thumb towards himself and his grin widens, his arm dropping from around her shoulders.

“Me. Haven’t you heard that I’m the most perceptive one here?”

“It’s been mentioned, yes.”

She laughs lightly, going along with his attempts to cheer her up.

“How are you really, though?”

“I’m okay.”

The answer falls from her lips almost as though she were on autopilot, and she’s not sure if it’s the truth. She’s confused about the bizarre connection that seemed to have been forged between her and Adam without even of them expecting it, confused about the brief kiss, angry that he won’t speak to her, and absolutely clueless about what to do with these feelings of sadness that have been forced upon her.

“I’m not okay. I feel… lost.”

She admits after a moment of silence, Felix apparently not believing her first answer anyway and staying quiet as he waits for her to say more. She looks back up at him and he’s watching her carefully, a hint of a smile still on his face but now it’s pretty much overshadowed by the worry creasing his brow.

“Lost?”

“I have all this, stuff now. I don’t know what to do with it.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“Feelings. His feelings.”

The smile fades completely and Felix frowns at her.

“Adam’s feelings?”

“I think? I don’t know. While he was… it was like being in his head. I don’t know where any of it came from but I could feel everything, and some of it’s still in here.”

She presses a hand to her chest, then lets out a heavy sigh and looks down at the ground. She knows she’s not making any sense, but how is she supposed to explain this?

“That’s pretty rare.”

Felix admits after a moment, and she looks up at him in surprise. Not the response she’d been expecting. He shifts to the side to face her properly, casting a quick look around them as though he’s not sure if he should be telling her what he’s about to tell her.

“I expected this from Adam. Doing that, it would’ve been like it tapped him straight into your, what’s the word? Consciousness? It fades off after a while, but it’s rare for a human to experience the same thing at all.”

“Is it because of my blood?”

Felix pulls an uncertain face, moving his hand in a so-so motion in front of him.

“Maybe. Doubt it, though. You don’t get in unless we want you to.”

“What does that mean?”

Suddenly his face changes into an uncomfortable expression, almost guilty, as though realising that he’s said too much.

“You should be talking to Adam about this, sorry.”

He gets to his feet abruptly and gives her an apologetic smile.

“No, wait. Are you saying he let me in on purpose?”

He’s already backing away from her.

“I, um. I can’t really answer this stuff. You really need to talk to him.”

He turns and all but runs off, and she stares after him with a frown on her face. What the fuck? She looks around the camp, seeing Adam as far away from her as he can possibly get without disappearing completely into the woods. Like he has been all afternoon. Letting out a heavy sigh she hauls herself to her feet and trudges over to him, more determined than ever now to find out what the hell is going on with her.

--

Adam can hear her footsteps before he even bothers to turn and see her coming towards him. That, and he’s been hyper focused on her heart beat and her scent since he had her in his arms and it’s starting to get on his nerves.

Why had he agreed to this? And more importantly, what had possessed him to kiss her once it was over? That’s all it is, this feeling of her crawling through his veins that refuses to leave him alone. It’s all because he lingered for too long, held her for too long, kept his mouth on her for too long, then allowed her lips to come into contact with his.

He knows it’s more than that, deep down. More than regret and shock and dwelling over one brief moment. He can still feel her because she’s still right there, under his skin. He pretends that he can only sense her presence moving towards him because of her blood, all of his senses are heightened so it makes sense that he can feel the shift in the air when she stands up all that distance away. He knows it’s not the entire reason, but he’s never been so determined to pretend that he can sense less than he actually can.

“Can we talk?”

He sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he holds it for a moment before exhaling slowly, preparing himself to turn and face her. She’s quieter than usual, her voice sounds uncertain. Almost scared. He spins to face her, aviators covering his eyes as he gives her a once over.

“Of course.”

She looks to the side where Nate is standing not far away then turns back towards him, but she’s not looking at him. She’s looking at the ground in front of him and he clenches his jaw to keep his composure as his heart sinks. This is what they are now. She’s afraid of him. She’s realised that he is the monster that she always insisted she didn’t see him as and she doesn’t want to be alone with him.

“In private?”

Oh. Well, that’s unexpected. He gives a stiff nod and follows her when she turns and heads back towards the tent, hesitating when she drops to her knees and crawls inside but then going in after her a few seconds later.

“Something on your mind?”

He’s grateful his voice isn’t shaking as much as his inner thoughts seem to be as he sits as far away from her as possible.

“You’re on my mind.”

Usually he’s impressed by the way she doesn’t beat around the bush, she’s always straight to the point. Right now though, he could use a little beating. He suppresses a groan at the thought, he can practically hear Mason’s crude response in his head when it enters his mind.

“Oh?”

“Literally. Like you’ve deposited a mini Adam inside of my head and he’s set up shop in there and he's drip feeding me your emotions.”

Oh. 

Well, this is a complication. It was bad enough that even when he thought it was one sided he was having trouble shaking the connection. It’s an entirely different matter if she feels it as well. She’d told him that she felt sadness and something else, but he’d brushed it off as temporary insanity. Brief madness in the form of her rambling about nonsense. If she still remembers and feels those things though…

But he didn’t let her in. He can’t have. He wouldn’t have. Except that it seems very much like he did, the way she’s looking at him like she’s finally really seeing him after all this time. He should be happy about it, really. He'd spent decades and then some wishing for someone to look at him the way Jordan is right now before he gave up, assuming that he would never again find it.

But now that he has, and she is, he doesn’t want it. Because now he remembers that people really seeing him and him letting people in never ends well, and he will not be responsible for something happening to Jordan. He’d already considered letting his guard down with her, and she’d been kidnapped by Murphy. He needs to explain her side effects away effectively enough that she’ll push them away all on her own. She will stop seeing him if she decides that he isn’t worth seeing.

“Care to explain?”

She prods once she decides that he’s been silent for too long, and he sighs in annoyance.

“How am I to explain to you why your mind is doing the things it is doing?”

“I mean, you kind of had a part in it.”

“You were insistent on one of us feeding, Detective. You were insistent on me feeding, and you told me that you’d researched. Surely somewhere in your research you came across material advising you that humans may experience temporary bouts of mental instability for a short period thereafter?”

Instantly he knows that he’s said the wrong thing, and he’s fairly certain he doesn’t need any kind of special connection to her for it to be obvious. She no longer appears afraid or nervous. Now she’s livid, glaring at him with her hands balled into fists by her sides.

“Du Mortain, you did not just call me crazy.”

“Correct, I did not. It is not my intention to start an argument with you."

He sighs out but her glare doesn't fade and he takes a long breath, willing himself the strength to deal with the mood she's apparently in.

"You know what, forget it. I thought we could have a civilised conversation about it but if you’re just gonna dismiss everything I say as being crazy then I'm not doing this with you right now.”

“Detective Mills-”

A noisy sigh cuts him off and her glare deepens, if that were possible.

“I thought we had more of an understanding now.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I have more of an understanding of you. I thought it was mutual, but apparently not.”

He stares at her in uncertainty for a moment as she pauses, watching him and waiting for a response. A part of him wants to tell her it is mutual, spilling his guts and telling her that he feels infinitely closer to her already and that he’s only growing more connected to her every minute that she is near to him.

The other part, the rational, hardened and professional part of him knows that nothing good would come of such a confession. Best case it would make her pity him. It would make her realise that the feelings she experienced from him are true, and he would be forever weakened in her eyes. Worst case, she would mistake it as a chance - however slight - for them to become even closer. For them to someday become more than mere teammates. He knows how humans' thought processes work, full of hope however false. Clinging onto whatever outrageous idea that they find appealing and holding on tight. She would imagine that there is some kind of a future for them, and he knows how persistent and relentless she is once she decides that she wants something.

No, telling her anything now would be disastrous for Unit Bravo. The awkwardness that would settle between him and Jordan would tear them apart, not to mention Mason. 

Mason. He had been completely forgetting Mason’s relationship with her in the midst of everything that had happened between them today, and guilt tugs at his gut hard enough to make him feel ill.

He might not approve of their casual relationship, and while it is unlikely that Mason actually feels anything for Jordan, the miniscule possibility that he might has Adam despising the feelings for her that have been slowly creeping up on him. Creeping so slowly that he didn’t even realise they were there until today when he had her in his arms. The thought of betraying one of his closest friends in such a way makes the decision for him and he gives a short nod.

“It would seem not. Whatever connection you feel you have with me will fade by the end of the day and tomorrow you will be grateful that I have not allowed you to act on it.”

He ignores the hurt that flashes in her eyes, looking away from her and staring past her at a random spot on the side of the tent.

“You’re an asshole.”

She mutters before crawling back out of the tent and trudging away, shoulders slumped and head hanging. He did that. He hurt her before he was even in a real position to hurt her properly. Yet he still managed it. And that is why there could never be anything between them. That is why he must shove these new - or perhaps not so new - feelings as far down as he can until they are forgotten like so many others.

--

She doesn't speak to Adam again for the rest of the day, and he can't tell whether he's happy about it or not. He is, he decides. He has to be. Because he doesn't know if he can handle causing the depth of hurt that he'd seen in her eyes earlier today.

He and Nate are standing either side of the entrance to the tent while Jordan sleeps inside. There'd been no playful banter coming from within tonight, there'd been only silence, she hadn't even returned the disconnected "goodnight Detective" that he'd muttered as she'd made her way past him into the tent.

His thoughts are quickly turned away from how she is acting towards him when he hears Felix yell for him. It's the moment of truth. The moment they find out whether feeding from Jordan was worth it.

"Adam, over here!"

He casts a quick glance in Nate's direction before running in Felix's direction, the look on his friend's face matching his own. If this hasn't worked, then all the awkwardness now between him and Jordan, all the pain he'd unknowingly caused her, it was all for nothing and they're out of ideas.

"What is it?"

He asks as he stops beside Felix, who almost excitedly points in the direction of the forest. Adam can tell he's happy to potentially have someone able to help him with this enemy, but his heart sinks when he looks in the direction he's pointing and sees nothing but trees.

He takes a few steps forward, already knowing it's useless but hoping all the same that he's just somehow missed Erlking to the darkness.

"You were right in front of him. He took off."

Felix speaks up forlornly behind him, a heavy sigh accompanying his words. Adam spins to face him, offering a sympathetic frown.

"I am sorry, Felix. I saw nothing."

He feels badly for Felix it’s true, but his heart sinks even further when he imagines the reaction Jordan will have in the morning when she discovers that what they’d done was useless. Felix forces a strained smile back to his face and makes an attempt at a careless shrug.

“Hey on the bright side, we got to him before Jordan got up this time.”

He points out and Adam gives a stiff nod, his fists clenching at his sides as his disappointment gives way to anger and frustration. He turns back around and marches back to camp, coming to stand beside Nate at the tent.

“Did it work?”

Nate asks hesitantly, undoubtedly already knowing the answer just by the look on Adam’s face. He shakes his head, not trusting himself to say the words out loud lest he lose control of his emotions and say something foolish. Thankfully, Nate seems to know better than to say anything more, he just lets out a heavy sigh and walks a few steps away to leave Adam in peace.

--

Felix watches Adam go, the forced smile fading from his face before he turns back to the woods. He glances around quickly before jogging just beyond where the woods begin to grow thicker beyond the clearing they’ve made camp in.

“I know you’re still here.”

He calls, surprising himself with the annoyance he hears in his own voice. Sure enough he hears a twig breaking to his right and he whirls around to see a short and surprisingly frail looking figure walking towards him. He takes a nervous step backwards and a light chuckle sounds from within the black cloak.

“You need not fear me, vampire. I have no use for you.”

“Why couldn’t he see you?”

“The human’s blood made him stronger, yes. But it cannot make him see what is not meant for his eyes.”

Felix huffs out a frustrated sigh and turns away to head back towards camp.

“It will be over soon, Tai.”

Erlking calls after him and Felix stops dead mid-step, looking over his shoulder.

“What did you call me?”

Pale hands reach up to remove the hood from Erlking’s head and he gives him a sympathetic smile.

“That is your name, is it not?”

“Not anymore.”

Erlking hums thoughtfully before slinking backwards into the black of the forest and disappearing again and Felix frowns to himself before trudging back to camp, surprised to see Adam standing just beyond the tree line, looking uncharacteristically confused.

“I heard that. From the tent.”

He says simply, and Felix’s eyes widen.

“You did?”

“He called you Tai, correct?”

Felix nods, a smile returning to his face and resisting the urge to bounce up and down on the balls of his feet in excitement. So maybe the feeding hadn’t worked in the way they had hoped. Maybe Adam still can’t see Erlking. But he can hear him, which is better than anything they had before. Maybe they have a chance at catching this thing after all.

--

Tags: @admdmrtn @mmerengue @adamdumorpain @masonsfangs @oxjenayxo @bravomckenzie @daisydumortain Thanks for reading! Let me know if you’d like to be removed from/added to the tag list!

[atopearth]

Piofiore: Fated Memories Part 6 - Finale

It's kinda funny how when it came to defaming the Mafia bosses, Dante's one was the most ridiculous with him handling brothels hahaha. Was he so "clean" that they had to make stuff up?🤣 On the other hand, loll at Fei thinking the newspaper wasn't lying about the stuff Yang did hahaha, not sure if we should rejoice that he doesn't actually abuse women daily, but that he does kill his own men lol. Anyway, the mystery guy seems adamant on hating on the Mafia. He's not as verbal about it as Roberto, but his hatred for them seems to run deep. Personally, I'm on Lili's side. She understands that crime is wrong but she also understands the limits of her powers and what she can do by herself, so instead of completely disregarding the Mafia as evil, she instead hopes that she can do her own little part to support this town she loves because she believes that in the current circumstances, helping the Mafia right now means helping Burlone. I wonder what is his importance though~

Is Henri the previous Key Maiden's brother or something and that's why he hates the Mafia and doesn't think Lili will be safe with them? Oooh, or is the Direttore the brother? Chloe sounds... interestingly crazy lol. Anyway, Dante is so cute to insist on drinking espresso even though it's too bitter for him🤣 Gotta salute Lili for eating Lan and Fei's jian dui lmao, it does look pretty bad even though it apparently tastes good. Tbh, it's kinda funny how even though they say they're pretty good at it, they still can't make the shape right lol. Anyway, it's kinda funny how much of a 180 Rosberg does after kinda realising his position I guess. It's like as if he's become the nice and wise church guy lol. I still find it so random how Orlok is his son though, like I legit thought it was a lie back in Orlok's route because he knew saying it would make him go crazier and kill Gil etc so he could at least get his revenge on them that way but apparently it's true haha. I mean, regardless, it doesn't really change the fact that he's literally raised his child to become a killer with no emotions and never really cared about that all these years so I don't know how I'm supposed to view him when he's obviously trash but the story wants him redeemed? Honestly though, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the Direttore and Henri are the same person. Anyway, Henri being Riton was expected after seeing the flashbacks for a while, especially with all the stuff he says but yeah, it's kinda sad to see him obstinate on seeking revenge influenced by all the rumours surrounding Chloe's death and how the Falzone might have killed her etc, but I guess even without the rumours he would eventually blame them, since if they never went to the Falzone, maybe she wouldn't have died like that. I wonder if there's a reason why Chloe went kinda insane though, like a Key Maiden thing, or was it just her? I guess she was just so consumed with the Key Maiden thing and didn’t realise that she could have her own life too. Honestly, I'm pretty disappointed with the finale, other than hearing the story of Henri/Direttore, everything ended not much differently from Gil's happy ending, hopefully the after story pieces the rest better. Like, why didn't we get to interact more with Henri/Direttore if this is supposed to revolve around him? Anyway, it is kinda fitting to welcome the new year with them though because I'm playing this on the last day of 2020 haha! 

Anyway, it's kinda saddening to know that Roberto and Nicola were actually kinda friendly when Roberto first came to Burlone and they didn't know each other's identities. I guess it kinda shows why Roberto is so obsessed with Nicola and hates him so much in Nicola's route, since Nicola was also the first one to push Roberto away after realising he was a part of the police. Nicola's attitude also doesn't help to pacify things. I think it would have been nice to know this in Nicola's route though, since Roberto is the villain for it. I thought it was really nice that Roberto was the one to remind Marco (when he was doubting the Mafia system because he couldn't save Chloe back then) that the most important thing as the police will always be to protect the people, so yeah even though the Mafia may not be the best way to run this place, there are things outside their control, but protecting the people will always be something they can do. Anyway, I find it funny how in the Henri ending, the guys blame Nicola for leaving the heroine and coming back himself, but when she runs back into the burning casino to find Henri, no one stopped her?! Like, I know it's for story romantic purposes but really, Orlok who is the quickest could have definitely stopped her. It's pretty terrible that Henri got treated badly because his sister tried to kill Beatrice when she was pregnant😔 Even the girl who "saved" him from the parents beating him played him like a toy... It would be hard for him to let go of his hatred when all these things happened after Chloe died, and essentially it's all because of the Falzone even if Silvio and Dante didn't want that. I feel so sorry for the real Sebastiano Gallier... Henri befriended him, killed him and his whole family just to get his identity..that's pretty cruel. Lili's right that Henri dying won't resolve anything, and living is technically a punishment for him in a sense, so I think it would be nice if they could both find a reason for him to live together. Anyway, Henri probably needs a therapist but I guess they aren't in a good situation to look for one. It's kinda funny how in every kind of happy ending where the heroine runs away or disappears, she ends up taking care of kids lol but I guess that's what she can do. Although I don't really care for Henri personally (he is cute though), I do think it's nice to live in a countryside in peace. One thing that really annoys me is Emilio's existence, he never really does anything, causes more trouble than he does providing "important information" because a lot of the time he gives that info, I'm not sure if it's even useful anymore and he only makes some kind of move when chaos has erupted to a point that there's not much point anymore. And the finale after the finale didn't really do much, but I guess I'll look forward to the fandisk if it gets translated!

Overall, I definitely enjoyed Piofiore. I'll say the overarching plot is definitely a miss for me because every time they mentioned stuff about the Key Maiden and everything, I honestly thought it was boring and the relic was silly too imo, and I also think Henri/Direttore's story lacked the impact it could have created. Even though there was a Henri ending, I don't feel like Lili got to interact with him to the extent that could have made me care more for him, so it was saddening in that aspect. Yang was definitely my favourite character-wise and VA-wise because he was everything I wanted in this Mafia game - dangerous, sexy and ruthless. But I did also enjoy the other guys, it's just that Yang outshined them imo (if you can get over how "evil" he is I guess). The individual routes weren't bad, but I don't think they were particularly interesting since I felt like counterfeit money and other stuff like Lee going against Yang weren't very appealing plot points, so the characters are definitely the highlight for me in this game. If I had to choose my favourite Mafia family, I'd probably choose the Falzone for the overall warmth from Giulia and Leo, but honestly the twins and Yang in the Lao-Shu wins over everyone in the end hahaha. Oh and the art is absolutely beautiful in this game, definitely 10/10 for that. Otherwise, I'd say I would give the game a 7.5/10, good and I liked it but I don't think it had anything or anyone in it to make it memorable for me (aside from Yang). I would recommend it though because it was fun and Lili was an okay heroine, I loved how beautiful she was in all the CGs hahaha.

[agusvedder]

A theory you won’t like.

 Okay so I was thinking... I’m having troubles to digest Archangel Michael stuff in episode 15x08 “Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven”. He doesn’t look at ALL like the Michael we been knowing all these years. I know I know, we been hearing by Lucifer and Chuck that Michael in the cage was crazy mad and stuff but this isn’t the point ‘cause they were lying and we can see that now. Even Michael’s plans were to stay with Adam on earth because when Adam asked if he’s going back to heaven he answered “My brothers are dead. My father never returned. In so many ways, I'm alone” but at least he had Adam. 

The thing is that, as soon as he’s confronted about his loyalty to his father, he never doubted, he trusts him blindly. 

When Lilith confronted him about it, he said “If that's true if he can come talk to me himself”. 

When Cas confronted him, he said “ You've come to tell me that God, my father, creator of all things, is my enemy?”

When Sam and Dean confronted him, he said “I'm not aware of anything. You're asking me to trust you. You, who doomed me, you, who let Lucifer walk free while your own brother sat in hell” - “If my father is back, he will usher in Paradise” (Yeah Mike, he was in Paradise, Vegas) - “ I won't hear this. You're lying. I don't know what your agenda is, but you're lying”

But the interaction that hurt the most was then Adam confronted him. 

Adam: “The point is parents keep secrets, right? Does it hurt to ask the question?” Michael: “It would. It would mean that I doubt him. The good son, the favorite, doubts his father”

And then Cas went taunting him again to achieve planting inside his head all the memories he had from Chuck, and as soon as he walked in, he said “I'll spare you the effort. I'm not gonna betray my father and everything I've believed in.”

I mean, he was pretty confident that he wasn’t betraying Chuck or wasn’t going to do anything against him, because he is his FATHER. 

“Leave, Get Out, I want you dead, We didn’t bond”

That’s what he said to Cas minutes before he changed his mind. That easy? It just doesn’t convince me.

He made the whole bunker tremble just to let them know he reached a conclussion... or maybe it was something different that made the Bunker tremble? Maybe Chuck fulfilling his son’s wish to talk in person? Chuck is a manipulative bitch and he can make anyone believe anything, especially to his son, the one who keeps defendind him after being locked in a cage in hell for 10 years (take note that 10 years for an Archangel as old as the creation itself is not that long). What if Chuck invented a whole story and showed him a different reality? Who would Michael believe? His father or Castiel? 

The answer is pretty definitive for me: His father. 

Michael decided to help them, and he looked sincere, he really did, he definitely looked hurt by what his father has done. But maybe it was a TRAP. 

Yep, A TRAP (15X09)

What if Michael sent Dean and Cas back to purgatory because he wanted to trap them there for Chuck to have time to abduct Sam, and to be free of danger if Dean noticed he was missing? I mean, it wouldn’t be a surprise for me at least, because I remember the Michael we met. Like my friend @verobatto-angelxhunter pointed in her post about the Michaels and Dean we were very surprised to see this Mike is not the same as the AU one, or even the same archangel he was in season 5 when he possessed John Winchester and Adam. But he is. He wasn’t with Adam, because they have a different relationship, they’re friends, partners and only have each other. But why would he change his mind so drastically just in a couple of minutes?

Besides, maybe it’s lazy writing, but the ingredients for a spell to lock GOD away (I mean, GOD.God.) were all things they had in the Bunker except ONE? Nah, it just doesn’t look plausible to me. 

And that Ingredient happens to be A LEVIATHAN BLOSSOM.

Purgatory is a place Chuck created to get rid of Leviathans because they were  creatures who eat angels. “The Piranha that will eat the whole aquarium”, and I want to point out something definitely super interesting that @staycejo1 said some time about Leviathans. 

“Leviathans are all black goo. Does this remind you of ANYTHING or ANYONE? Maybe the EMPTY created he Leviathans and that’s why he’s so pissed at Castiel” 

This will destroy the theory that God created Leviathans, and it actually makes sense. They were the first beasts and then God locked them away. Maybe God and The Empty were pals until he did that and they parted ways. Reminder: this was long before archangels and humanity were created. What if the Empty was like “Okay, you lock my children away? I will soak in empty every angel you create after they die”

(This will also explain why the Empty is helping Billie to plot against Chuck, and why Old Death would lie about the origin of the Leviathans).

You can read my meta about Chuck, Billie, The Empty and the Old Death here. 

Leviathans are creatures Cas had inside himself, that would be the first point for the Empty to be interested in Cas, the second one was that he’s the one that got away, and the third is currently the deal they’re holding. When Cas achieve happiness, he will die and go to the empty.

Now, pointing this out, the deal Cas and The Empty made, was sealed in heaven. God is absolute there, he knows everything about it and it’s probably aware of it. 

What if God thought the only way possible to get rid of Cas was in the hands of Leviathans, children of his enemy and eaters of angels, so that’s why he manipulated Michael into send them to purgatory, close the rift and TRAP them there?

He knows there is a human portal there and Dean already crossed it, so Dean would be safe, Cas on the other hand... 

Chuck is desperate to get rid of Castiel, so maybe this is the only “poetic way” he found for his ending not to be ruined by solving everything with a snap of his fingers. So either he’s planning Cas to die in Purgatory or planning for him to stay stuck there forever because there would be no way out for him.

What Chuck won’t see coming is the obvious solution that will allow Cas to cross the human portal...

VESSEL SHARING. 

Not only @emblue-sparks , @verobatto-angelxhunter and @paper-lilypie talked about this in their metas, but now I bring more evidence for this to MAYBE become real.

In the 15x09 promo we can hear Dean screaming “The monsters are everywhere” so they definitely found troubles along the way, also we can see Dean ALONE in the images of the promo, so... hear me out.

What if this time Dean convinces Cas to ride shotgun inside of him like he did with BENNY the last time?

“Together, we are one” or “We’re together, we’re one” That’s what the spell mean. And it remind me of certain profound bond I know and love. 

(”WE ARE” rings a bell?)

So if Cas rides shotgun (letting Dean take complete control of his body, because he respects him, not like AU!Michael) he will LEAVE his own body, so he will be inside Dean until episode 12 that Jack comes back and maybe between him and Billie, they will rebuilt his body. I mean, the empty sent him back with a new tan, a new trenchcoat and another hair style so anything is possible!

(This is part of what @paper-lilypie​ wrote on her theory! go read her!) 

So they will come back home with Cas hidden inside Dean’s body though the human portal. and Cas will stay there hidden. It’s not like Dean doesn’t trust him enought to let him inside his head. 

*LilithsGifFORESHADOWING.gif*

THAT was in episode 14x03, and then in 14x10 this happened. 

Cas went again inside his head, this time with Sam on his side. 

So they will be sharing Dean’s body for a while, and the prayer will be with Cas inside his head, so that’s why we won’t have an answer from Cas’ side right away. 

Okay and another thing I wanna point out is that season 15 is from beginning to end FOR THE FANS, so they’re bringing characters into the show not by coincidence, they’re bringing them with a purpose, for us to REMEMBER specific things. 

First they brought Belphagor in Jack’s body, who reminds us to Dean's time in hell, to Michael in the cage and to spice things up between Cas and Dean. Then they brought back Kevin, to remind us there’s no way for a soul to go into heaven because now god is an enemy. Then they brought back Eileen, knowing well she couldn’t go into heaven, Sam brought her back by using the spell Jack used on Mary that it didn’t work. Then they brought back LILITH, to remind us the original apocalypse and how much the guys have upgraded. Then they brought back Rowena, to give the guys an ally in hell. Then they brought back Adam and Michael. 

So why would they bring Benny for 30 seconds letting him die under a red light?

That’s right, for us to remember the vessel sharing.

Coincidence? Nope. 

This is the season to bring back. 

Cas will return one way or another, just like Jack. 

We just have to wait and see.

Disclaimer: THIS IS A SPEC BASED ON EVIDENCE I FOUND ALONG THE WAY. 

Tagging: @verobatto-angelxhunter​ @metafest​ @bre95611​ @legendary-destiel​ @mrsaquaman187​ @emblue-sparks​ @paper-lilypie​