#because they'd still make me write essays

[thestereotypebuster]

Is it too early to quit on my master's?

[fanofstuff01]

Okay this post was originally supposed to be longer and going into more depths of the subject but I decided to separate it in parts. Because I cannot write that long of an essay in one day lmao

But anyway here's part one

Wohoo

Why Adam from Hazbin Hotel Not Coming Back In Future Seasons Doesn't Make Sense (To Me)

Part One: Logical Problems

Now this section, even though it is still my favorite in the parts, can be fixed easily if Vivienne just gives a logical answer to all of it. But it is just my perspective and what I saw from this show.

Let's get started yippie

-

A: Him not coming back contradicts the show in my opinion.

-You see, when Sir Pentious died to Adam's holy light, all the other characters react like they think he's one hundred percent gone. And it was previously stated by Vivziepop that sinners cannot die unless it's from an angelic weapon, otherwise they just respawn somewhere else in Pride hence why the exterminations exist.

So this implies that Sir Pentious died permanently here, from an angelic attack and then became a winner, in other words respawned in Heaven.

Then.. Why can’t Adam, someone who we know (for now) that died to a weapon designed to kill souls permanently, come back exactly Vivzie? This doesn't make any cucking sense for me. Why are you showing us that a soul can rise after being perma killed, but then treat as if the other Alex Brightman died permanently and now there's no way for him to come back?

-"But maybe they didn't know that Sir Pentious could come back, they just learnt that angels could be harmed. (Yes someone literally said this)"

Oh you mean these characters, who include the Princess of Hell and a literal ex exorcist, don't know about one of the core reasons why exterminations are held in the first place?

Suure.

-"You wouldn't be sad and attack the person who did it if someone killed your friend even though you knew they'd be back? Their reactions don't essentially translate to them not knowing about the permanent death thing."

I would and I can definitely understand them still being incredibly devastated and going feral about his death even though it’s temporary, but then why does the show treat Pentious' death like something these characters think is permanent? Why does Charlie refer to his death as “Ultimate sacrifice”? Hell, this entirely contradicts the sense of finality and sorrow his sacrifice had. 

And to add to both questions, why would Adam come to the exterminations with a weapon that doesn’t kill sinners permanently? Specifically one where he knows that there’ll be folks that will try to fight them and folks he would be more than pleased to wipe out permanently? 

-I know I sidetracked to talking about Sir Pentious more than Adam here, but since he is the only soul we know that changed the place he was in afterlife he is the most relevant character when it comes to this discussion about Adam in my opinion.-

-”We don’t know if angel souls are equal to sinner souls when it comes to this. Maybe the angels simply cannot be killed unless it is permanent, and the show actually hints at this given everyone thought that the angels were invincible.”

This is the only argument I can get behind actually. But it is not because it’s a valid one for the right reasons, it is the only one that makes sense to me because the writers were lazy on this too. 

Then what happens when an angel is harmed with a non-angelic weapon? -Also maybe off topic but what makes something an angelic weapon? We see Cherri Bomb throw bombs at them or okay maybe angelic bombs are a thing, but Charlie shoot-kills the exorcists with the fireworks that come out of her fingers?- Do they just.. Respawn? Or it just doesn’t hurt them? Then wouldn’t a character as smart as Vaggie would’ve figured out that they can very well be killed permanently if they are able to get hurt? 

Not answered. And it’s not helped by how the show openly portrays winners, which may I remind you Adam is one no matter how powerful he is, as the complete opposite of sinners, which would take you to assuming the angelic steel works like it does on sinners for demons. It just doesn't make sense to me.

And it wouldn’t make sense in the next section either.

B: Him not coming back doesn’t make sense in the story or the worldbuilding in my opinion

Just a little disclaimer, I’m not all means a professional media critic and do not say what I say here comes from that distinction. It's just me sharing myself lol.

Also I may use the terms incorrectly due to my broken English skills.

-Okay. So what is Hazbin about? Demons getting redeemed and therefore getting into Heaven for becoming better people, right? Also showing us that everyone can change and they shouldn't be seen as who they are at the moment and they all deserve a second chance.

At least that's what I get from the show. Now..

Why isn't the previously good now bad, being punished at the same level the previously bad now good is being rewarded? Why are you saying that becoming bad would give you an easy escape through death, while becoming good can get you to somewhere better?

Being on Hell is a PERFECT way to punish corrupted holy souls. Because you often become corrupted in the way of arrogance in Heaven, and now you're humored by the universe and by the people you used to mock and see yourself above as but this world's ways don't allow that.. Okay?

Speaking of, this also frustrates me on the world's mechanics and how they work. Sure, it can be that way, but.. Sorry if thinking about a "Divine Judgement" that makes you rise for being good but doesn't make you fall for being bad doesn't make sense in my book..

I can't express my point in this one quite well like I did with the other one but it just melts my brain dude. Like on one hand, on the positive hand, you're saying that if you're on the bad side you can change for the better and that's what matters, but you can't change from good to bad and have the same levels just negative and simply.. Die??

I just.. Can't. Sorry if this part is messier.

-

So this is it.

Will be multiple parts stay tuned ig

@things-arent-what-they-seem66 @beef-brisket

yea im delulu sue me

[bumblesimagines]

Marcus Baker

you never gave me back my things.

i was hoping i'd see you again.

i never like how it ended between us.

you never gave me back my things.

i was hoping i'd see you again.

i never like how it ended between us.

Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs, Gender Neutral!Reader

You released a sigh of relief as you slumped back in the chair and released the pencil, giving your aching hand a much-needed break. You rubbed the area between your thumb and index finger, pleased to have finally finished the five-page essay for English class. You were certain if you had to read another ancient poem and write an essay about it again, you'd have a breakdown alongside your classmates. But with the pressure of the deadline disappearing, you looked forward to taking a break from classwork. 

You stood up from the table and collected the papers, carefully slipping them into a folder and then sliding the folder into your backpack. You nodded to the other students studying and working at the table before slinging your backpack over your shoulder and making a beeline for the doors. As much as you loved the school's library, you never wanted to step foot in it again for at least two weeks. 

"Hey, (Y/N)!" A voice called out, attempting to be quiet but still getting dirty looks from those nearby. Marcus dipped his head apologetically and whispered a few 'sorry's before facing you and offering a sheepish, equally as apologetic smile. 

Before Virginia Miller had strolled into Wellsbury, you might've greeted Marcus with a kiss and told him all about your day. You might've taken his hand, listened to his troubles, and given him as much advice and reassurance as he needed. But he'd chosen to ruin the relationship you'd poured so much time into over a girl he hardly knew well. You half-expected them to boldly continue their secret relationship as an official couple now, but all you saw were longing looks from her and an exhausted-looking Marcus.

"I heard you were going to start tutoring again and- and was wondering if you could help me with homework? I'll pay you, obviously. I don't have a lot but-"

"Silver's looking, too. I can pass her your number and she'll help you with whatever you need, Marcus." You told him, turning on your heel and stepping out of the library. The door shut behind you, only to open again as Marcus followed. The Bakers seemed like a notoriously stubborn family, and yet they'd been a family you once wished to become a part of.

"Actually, I was hoping I'd see you again. I-I wanted to talk about everything, you know? I didn't like how it ended between us." Marcus explained, occasionally stumbling over his words as he quickened his pace to catch up with you. 

"Oh, you mean how you spent months secretly hooking up with your neighbor who was in a relationship with one of your sister's friends and I found out at the same time as everyone else because you didn't have the balls to tell me you didn't want to be with me anymore? It would've saved me a whole lot of trouble, Marcus. And by the way, you never gave me back my things."

Marcus quickened his step again and stepped in front of you, his hands shooting out to grab your forearms and force you to stop. You pursed your lips, your jaw clenching briefly and head tilting to finally look him in the eye. "I fucked up, and I'm really sorry, (Y/N). And I didn't tell you about Ginny because I didn't want to break up. I-I-I was an asshole, I know that. I don't know what I was thinking but I knew I didn't want to lose you. I was confused and-"

"You were confused for nearly a whole year, Marcus? I seriously doubt that. Like I said, you would've saved me a lot of trouble being honest. Besides, if Ginny really wanted you, she wouldn't have gotten with Hunter." You brushed his arms away and stepped back. "Please, just drop this Marcus. It's over and it'll stay over. Maybe I'll forgive you and we'll become friends again but... I don't really want you in my life right now."

[a-a-a-anon]

appreciation post for Lise Mayer!! she co-wrote The Young Ones (and The Bachelor Boys book, additional material like when they did Comic Relief, etc), which is well known. but she also wrote for other things in the alternative comedy scene like Rik Mayall and Ben Elton's comedy tour (source: BBC Breakfast Time interview)! and, something I didn't know until recently: she co-wrote/wrote for Kevin Turvey! she's not credited in his television appearances, but see below for sources.

i really loved the podcast episode she did with Alexei Sayle about TYO, you gain a lot of insight into her perspective! she also mentions misogynistic treatment like being asked to go make tea when they were doing script readings, not getting invited to a big BBC party because it was presumed she'd be Rik's plus-one, and getting groped at the BBC bar. it pissed me off on her behalf and partly prompted this post.

some specific accolades/accreditation/fun facts:

Rik crediting her with writing/conceiving the Kevin Turvey non-joke "All right, biting political satire: What do Lech Walesea and Menachem Begin have in common? They’ve both got foreign names! What do you mean it’s not funny?" (x)

Alexei Sayle in Thatcher Stole My Trousers crediting Lise with co-writing Turvey: "Lise was, like Linda for mine, a vital part of Rik’s career, co-writing both The Young Ones and Rik’s character Kevin Turvey..."

a 1987 source for Lise co-writing Turvey: "The assumption that women do not write comedy scripts was one with which Lise Mayer, co-writer of The Young Ones television series, has also had to contend. She started writing for Rik Mayall’s Kevin Turvey in the television series A Kick Up the Eighties..." (x)

Rowland Rivron (comedian who toured with The Comic Strip gang and lived with Rik and Lise) in What the f*** did I do last night?: "[Lise] also had the unenviable job of standing at the side of the stage when Rik was performing, and jotting down anything he said that was unscripted. If it got a laugh, it would be woven into the next night’s routine."

the only time i've ever seen a Rik Mayall/Ade Edmondson/Lise Mayer writing credit: for a poem called Distance which was collected in this anthology! Rik and Ade seem to have acted it out (or at least a version of it) in this 20th Century Coyote performance

Rik on Lise writing TYO: "‘She discovers different things: the comedy of embarrassment and awkwardness – she draws out the cheating and stealing that goes on in the house.’" (x) (Lise also says her "favorite comedy was always the comedy of embarrassment" in the Alexei Sayle podcast)

Rik: "... Lise Mayer wrote this great scene where I find a tampon in a handbag and it's my birthday party and I think it's a present because my character is Rick, who is such a git, he didn't know." (x)

Helen Lederer in Not That I'm Bitter, writing about being on The Young Ones: "[Lise] was known to be the brains behind it all, particularly the more surreal elements…"

she and Rik chose the bands (x)

Lise: “We’d have a table read at which point we’d discover that the script ran over an hour long, and then I’d have a sleepless night editing it.” Alexei: “You did that?” Lise: “Usually me, yeah…” (she later explains they'd present the script Monday and rehearsals were Tuesday, Wednesday-so she literally had one night to edit!) (x)

facts from the blu-ray commentary tracks:

Rick's yellow dungarees in Interesting were based off a picture of Lise in a similar pair

Lise wrote an essay about the tampon joke in Interesting so that the BBC didn't cut the scene (though they still edited it)

Paul Jackson (producer) credits Lise with arguing "you are seriously telling me that we cannot refer on television to something that happens to 50% of the population for about 30 years of their life? and we're not allowed to even refer to it" to make an executive back off about the tampon joke in a meeting

Lise came up with Neil's flowerpot covering in Nasty

Vyvyan/Vivian's name comes from Lise having lived in Vyvyan Terrace, Bristol

Lise thought of the cast switching costumes in Bambi (one of my favorite moments!!) (/end of commentary track facts)

this is guesswork, but i've seen Ben Elton and Rik Mayall's handwriting and i'm pretty sure the editing/handwriting on the bottom left on this script must be Lise's, which gives insight into what/how she wrote: (x)

i feel like it's easy for people to overlook or minimize Lise's impact, something that happens to female creators far too often. i hate when women's identities are framed around their association to a man-girlfriend to Rik in this case-which was the norm whenever i saw Lise discussed in articles/books/online discussions about TYO. it's important to know she was a writer and co-creator with her own identity and (underappreciated) contributions. The Young Ones (and Kevin Turvey, and things we don't even know she goes uncredited for) would not have been the same—or wouldn't have even existed—without her!

[thedemonsurfer]

hey uuuh im procrastinating on other things so let's write a big ol' essay about

Eclipse 3.1, and Why Moon Is Doing a Disservice By Writing Him Off As "Insane*"

*insane in this context being the definition of 'acting erratic and unpredictable with no regard to consequences' and not an actual mental illness diagnosis, I know, I wish they'd pick a different word too, but this is an essay about Eclipse's behavior, not linguistics

So! If you've only been sorta keeping up with SAMS, the current plot is someone (we still don't know who) revived everyone's favorite dusty Dorito that had been forgotten under the couch, slapped him on the ass, and pointed him at the Daycare. This has made a lot of people (in universe) very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move, even by Eclipse.

Especially by Eclipse.

Our buddy boy has magic (dunno how), incomplete memories of both the original Eclipse and the backup (no clue how he got those), and directives embedded in his code that can't be removed without killing him (¯\_(ツ)_/¯). He literally woke up in the hallway outside the Daycare and then went inside and started monologuing.

Eclipse wants to find the person who brought him back, maybe or maybe not ask some questions, and then kill them.

He reeeeeally wants to kill them.

(This whole arc honestly boils down to Eclipse grabbing various folks and shaking them while screaming "ARE YOU MY MOMMY?!")

In recent eps Moon has accused him of going 'insane', mostly due to his insistence on picking fights and threatening others, and that he cannot shut up about wanting to get the guy that made him. He very recently picked a fight with Lunar, who killed him again-- and proved at the moment he can't be killed permanently, he'll just come back in a new body.

Huh.. fighting a programmed compulsion, becoming more erratic and aggressive over time, breakdown of logic and reasoning... That seems kind of familiar...

Oh yeah! This is Eclipse's kill code. I'm calling it the 'bother code', but 'cringecode' and 'pain-in-the-ass code' aren't off the table. Unlike Moon's kill code, the expression seems to be 'be a distraction to Moon' rather than like, outright murdering people.

Like the kill code, fighting the compulsion seems to make his behavior more unstable. Because here's the thing: Eclipse isn't stupid.

Well.

Okay, Eclipse is stupid, but not... like this.

Eclipse is a manipulator. His thing has always been to recruit others to help him achieve his goal, and he's patient about it. He's willing to work for months on someone, and while he does shoot himself in the foot eventually, it's usually more indirectly than this. Moon is currently helping him search for the guy, it makes no sense for Eclipse to continue posturing and threatening.

Except-- that's his only outlet right now.

The "I need to find the guy who made me"? That's Eclipse's goal, the one he's pursing with all the stubbornness he has.

The "hey what if I killed or maimed some of your family"? That's the directives.

What we're seeing with Eclipse's behavior is him desperately trying to keep himself on track, when the bother code is trying to yank him in another direction. Threatening Moon so he'll 'work faster' is an outlet, a way for him to briefly pacify the code while redirecting it back into his own goal. He knows it's a stupid suggestion, but he's going to make it anyway because he has no choice.

I think he feels like he's running out of time as well. Because Eclipse can be patient, but he gets frustrated and short tempered the closer he gets to a deadline (this is why I believe he started being meaner to Lunar-- he was frustrated about not finding the star and had given himself only a month to do it).

So like.. yeah. I don't think he's going 'insane' or 'losing his mind'. I think he's fighting a losing battle against his own programming, and taking the frustration and panic out on everyone else. Because the kill code couldn't be fought off indefinitely, eventually the bot would crack under it. And it'd be nice if Moon could acknowledge that Eclipse's behavior isn't entirely voluntary, and he IS I think honestly doing his best-- he outright came to them for help, something he's never done before.

Idk maybe they need to let Eclipse put Moon in a stupid trap again for an ep to get it out of his system so he can chill out for a while.

A sidenote! Its interesting to me that Eclipse's behavior in the coming back ep seemed to be erratic only as long as Moon was present. Once Moon left, Eclipse changed gears in how he was talking to Solar, and had some very classic "you know you're better than this, don't you want to go apeshit?" lines. The kind of thing that we've seen from the previous Eclipse incarnations. Dunno yet if it means anything, but it's interesting!

[glisten-inthedark]

Biggest byler doubt you ever had and how was it solved?

Hi!

I guess it was when I decided to go through the mil*ven tag just to see their perspective. I still do it sometimes, to be honest, but my decision was to see if their points make sense, because I like to challenge myself and I wanted to understand why they don't think Byler will be a thing so I forced myself to be in a position of: maybe this might work like this, maybe it's this, you know?

As to how it was solved, as it usually is for me - with logic - lmao.

I started thinking about the grand scheme of things, connecting all of the facts together instead of approaching them individually. The point of "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" is very applicable to the situation.

So I started thinking: Why Will falling in love with Mike was a choice they made, at all?

Because if we think about it, realistically, that decision meant that they'd have to sacrifice something. Whether it was Will's chance at happiness or Mike's relationship with El, something would have to give, eventually.

I feel like a parrot repeating myself at this point, but Will's happiness is deeply connected to being able to spend his life with Mike. He said this not once, but twice already. He also said he'd always NEED (not want, not love, not anything else) Mike.

The fact that Will is so in love with Mike that he is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for him was also a choice the writers made. They made sure to let us know that this isn't a crush, that this isn't fleeting or passing.

They also made a choice of having El and Mike arguing. That choice is also important because it shows us that they don't understand each other, they don't know each other enough to understand what the other is saying.

All of these were choices.

So when I stopped to think about it, I realized how pointless they were from a narrative standpoint, especially if they won't amount to anything. Because then what was the point of it in the first place?

What is the point of building this entire arc only for it to end right back where it started? Because then, not only Will's love for Mike didn't do anything and exists only to cause him pain, they spent hours and God knows how much in budget on something that didn't do anything to the overall story. Not only would that be stupid; it also means they sacrificed Mike's storyline with El (because let's be for real, they could find a way of having him with her at Nina if they wanted) for NOTHING.

It's one thing for them to create this storyline of Will being in love, it's another thing completely different for them to choose this over the opportunity of Mike learning more about El's powers and about who she is with her.

So that's how I go about it.

Me writing a whole essay for a straightforward question, more likely than you'd think

[blandtako]

Why did it have to be a Daffodil? | Sung Hanbin x GN!Reader | Chapter 2

➤ Summary: After having become close friends during their first year of Highschool, Hanbin and Y/N have become inseparable. Highschool, college, adulthood, nothing would change the fact that they'd always be there for one another, no matter how much it hurt. ➤ Pairing: Sung Hanbin x GN!Reader ➤ Genre: fluff, angst, highschool au, college au, unrequited love, slight smut (In certain chapters, there will be warnings). ➤ Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, allusions to anxiety and/or depression, suggestive, Hanbin is bisexual. The ff was written with the perception of a Male!Reader in mind, but I will be using gender neutral pronouns. More specific warnings will be added depending on the chapter. ➤ Status: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 (Working) | upcoming ➤ Word Count: 6,7K ➤ A/N: Hello hello o/ I finally finished Chapter 2! I'm still struggling a bit when it comes to writing dialogues, but I'm hoping to eventually get better at it lmao. I was also thinking of potentially starting a taglist, so if anybody is interested please let me know! Any comment or form of criticism is appreciated, even the smallest ones ^^ With that said, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Have a good day <3

“I don’t really get it…” The sunlight crept into the dim-lit library of the school, the evening sun bathing the school building, as it cast long shadows on the floor. It was a quiet afternoon, an eerie silence filled the room as most students had either already left to go back home or had made their way to their clubs’ buildings. Y/N could feel the warmth the wooden desk had absorbed from the sun against their skin as their head was resting on it. Their eyes softened as they stared at the window. Y/N truly appreciated the tinge of orange the sky had been painted with as the sun was close to setting down. It made them feel comfortable, serene. If the desk itself weren’t so rigid, Y/N would have likely been able to fall asleep right then and there.

“What is it that you don’t get?” Another voice, this time female, made itself be heard as it interacted with the first one. “How are we supposed to write a conjoined essay about happiness? We all have different ways to become happy…” The voice that had initially spoken did so again, replying to the second one. “Mhhh…to be honest, I didn’t even know these types of essays were a thing. I think as long as we all agree with what ends up being written, we should be ok! What do you think Y/N?…Y/N?” Raising their head in a similar manner to when they normally woke up, Y/N looked blankly at their two group members, before plainly speaking up. “Yeah, sorry. That is fine by me. We could make a list of things that make us happy and then sort through that?”

When Mrs. Choi gave Y/N’s class a group assignment, Y/N wasn’t super pleased. They could be enjoyable of course, but having to rely on others when it came to their own grades, was not something Y/N was too pleased with. Not only because Y/N didn’t really want others’ poor jobs to affect them, but also because they didn’t want to disappoint classmates by possibly being the one to do a poor job. Y/N felt like it mostly depended on who they’d be paired with, and while they couldn’t complain much due to having been put in a group with Mingi, they weren’t super pleased by the fact that Hyena was also in their group.

Hyena wasn’t an unpleasant person to be around, and she and Y/N had known each other for some time now, as they had attended the same class during middle school. On top of that, she had joined the dancing club in high school as a member, and Y/N had applied to become the manager of that same club, so they even spent some time together.  She was smart and was also generally kind, but Y/N couldn’t help but feel awkward around her. Y/N thought it was the case due to the fact that they were classmates during middle school, and thus she was aware of things that Y/N would have much preferred be forgotten, but Y/N couldn’t deny that they felt like Hyena felt disingenuous at times.Y/N knew that if the group had gotten a bad grade they would feel bad because of the fact that Hyena usually faired better, and even if she didn’t show it, Y/N could tell that she was bottling up her anger. Each of them took out a paper and started writing onto it, and after a while, they all came to a pause unanimously. “As a first briefing, this should be good enough. We can share our papers and decide where to go from there.” Hyena suddenly stated, it was out of the blue, but she seemed to be in a rush. Y/N noticed Mingi raising his eyes to look at her in confusion. The young girl must have noticed as well, as her expression quickly morphed into an apologetic one, giving an attempt at a smile. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I can’t skip out on practice or I won’t be able to keep up with the others. I don’t know if first years will be included, but we have an upcoming tournament soon!” She quickly explained. Mingi hummed in response, and Y/N lightly nodded before opening their mouth to speak. “We’ll keep on working a bit more. I know the water bottles in the dancing club building are about to run out, tell the others I’ll bring some when we’re done.” Hyena nodded and bowed to the pair before she left the library. “I skipped baseball practice too though…” Y/N chuckled at Mingi’s tone of voice, although they could understand Mingi’s frustration as they had decided to take a day off of club activities to get started with the assignment as soon as possible. “I had already warned our Club leader about the fact that Hyena and I wouldn’t have been there today, but I can understand why she’d want to keep up with practice.” “Oh, I understand her reasons as well, and they’re called Sung Hanbin.” Mingi sarcastically added. At that statement, Y/N couldn’t help but turn their head towards Mingi, focusing all of their attention on him. “What do you mean?” Mingi raised an eyebrow at that question, making Y/N feel even more curious. “What do you mean what do I mean?” Y/N narrowed their eyes as they tried to focus more, but they genuinely could not think of anything. “Are you for real?! You can always tell when Alice is interested in someone though?” “But what does that have to do with this…?” Mingi paused for a second to take a glance at Y/N, proceeding to laugh at their cluelessness. “Hyena likes Hanbin. Or at least I’m pretty sure that’s the case. She always follows him around and laughs to every single thing he says…why do you think she started sitting with us at lunch from time to time?”

Y/N was dumbfounded by this information. They tried to think of such an instance, but they really couldn’t think of much. It was true that Hyena had been sitting with their group more often than she did before, but Y/N thought it was all just a coincidence. It was weird, Y/N prided themselves in being quite observant to people’s behaviors. If they were to pay attention to someone, they would usually be able to at least read them a bit. To be honest, Y/N had become comfortable enough with the group of friends they had formed to the point of not really needing to care about these kinds of things, but to be completely unaware of it? How could their gossiping soul miss such a detail? Then again, maybe Mingi was just wrong; Sung Hanbin had a lot of charisma, it felt normal to Y/N to pay him a lot of attention. He always spoke in such a honey-laced tone of voice that nobody would be able not to get lost in his speeches. Even as he danced you’d end up too mesmerized by his moves, your eyes wouldn’t be able to stare at anything else. One would be simply glad to be able to spectate such a scenery, and it truly made Y/N happy; they even thought about whether or not to put it in their list of things. Y/N would describe him as a mythological Siren, just…kinder and not as hungry for humans. Y/N hummed to themselves. “I think you’re just reading too much into it…” It was now Mingi’s turn to tilt his head to the side. “Pay attention to it next time we’re all together, you’ll see what I mean.” As the conversation died down, the two went over the material they had gathered, and while they couldn’t really come up with something that really contained all of their ideas, they were at least able to write down a general introduction to their essay that in their opinion was pretty good. Mingi sent a file version of it onto the group chat they made. The two picked up their things and made their way out of the room, concluding that they had done a good job for the first day of work. Y/N was a serial procrastinator, but because it was a conjoined effort, the sooner they began the better. Y/N accompanied Mingi to the school’s gate, as his mother had come to pick him up. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” He waved at them, and Y/N waved back. Y/N’s gaze then moved up to the sky; it wasn’t that late, but the sun was almost completely gone and the scenery had darkened. Y/N noted to themselves how there weren’t many clouds. Autumn was about to be replaced by Winter the same way it had previously replaced Summer. Wrapping their arms around their body to warm themselves up, Y/N made their way back to the main building. As the manager of the dancing club, Y/N had access to the storage room key, where they went to pick up the stash of water bottles for the club. They were heavy, and Y/N’s physical capabilities were lacking at best. They took quite a few breaks, but eventually they managed to get to the dancing club building’s doors.

The noise of shoes swiping across the floor could be heard from outside as well. When Y/N initially joined the club, they found that noise to be unnerving; it rang in their ears, and it made focusing on anything impossible. Three months had passed since that moment now, and eventually Y/N had gotten used to it, their mind alienating said noise whenever it came into play. Y/N opened the door, and made their way inside. There were a bit more than a dozen students that were practicing, an unpleasant smell of sweat filled the room, followed by multiple pantings once the music stopped playing. It was surprising how focused all of them were, nobody had really even realized that Y/N were there up until their voice called out for them. “Anybody wants a bottle?” As if they were a savior descended to Earth in order to save them all, literally every single one of the club’s members turned in their direction, eyes fulfilled with hope. “Y/N! PLEASE!” One of the students, Hyunjin, immediately ran towards them as they saw them, a hint of desperation clouding their tone of voice. Y/N’s expression became perplexed, their eyes wandering throughout the room, analyzing every face in the room, spotting many exhausted looks. Once they landed on the dance club’s leader, Y/N immediately understood why. “...Minho Hyung is not letting us go until we perform the choreo perfectly…he’s a monster…” Hyunjin cried out quite dramatically as he clinged to Y/N’s side. Y/N lightly patted his shoulders, before turning around to face the club leader. Minho had a name for being quite reserved and direct with people, but also very kind to anyone who treated others with respect. When it came down to dance practice though, there was not a single mistake that went past his scrutiny, and he would do his best to have everyone improve, even if it became very difficult to keep up. As the Manager of the club and as a younger student though, Y/N could experience all the positives without any of the negatives. “Senior, it’s getting quite late and a majority of the other clubs are already empty. I know that the tournament isn’t far away, but if you keep on straining yourselves, by the time you’ll have to participate, you’ll look like ragdolls.” Y/N’s voice came out quietly, although it was imposing enough to convince their club leader to let the others rest. He sighed as he agreed to let them go home. “Get freshened up and pick up your things, you did good for today.” He simply stated as he moved to get one of the water bottles Y/N had brought in. Many others did the same, picking up a water bottle before moving to the changing rooms. Y/N could hear footsteps coming from behind as they were handing out bottles left and right.

“Our savior…” A pair of arms wrapped themselves around Y/N’s stomach, a figure leaning closer into their back before proceeding to nuzzle their head in the crook of Y/N’s neck. “...I swear, you’re one of the few people Minho Hyung listens to.” A familiar feeling washed over Y/N, who didn’t push away the other, despite the fact that they hated sweat in all of its forms. “Sung Hanbin…you’re drenched in sweat.” Their tone of voice was firm, but there weren't any signs of irritation in it. Hanbin let go of Y/N, taking a step back and smiling as the other offered him a bottle of water. “Thank you.” “How was practice? You don’t look that tired considering that everyone else looks like they’ve been through war.” To be fair, it was very much true. Hanbin was out of breath as well, but he didn’t look any worse than he normally would have, and even though he was very much sweating, that only made him look better somehow. Y/N bit into their own cheek as they realized how frustrating that was. Hanbin simply chuckled. “Minho Hyung can be tough during practice, but he’s a very good teacher. We’ve improved quite a bit though, I’d say it was a productive day for us. What about your project? I thought Hyena was a part of your group?” Y/N nodded in return. “Mingi and I kept on working on it. I feel like we’ve done a good enough job for today…besides, there is still an entire week ahead of us, so I’m not too worried.”  Y/N paused for a second, their gaze fixed on Hanbin’s figure as he took a sip of water from the water he was handed. Their mind began cycling back to what Mingi had told them about earlier in the day, about Hyena and her liking Hanbin. Y/N couldn’t help but admit to themselves that indeed, Hanbin was quite attractive. They couldn’t have blamed her for falling for his charms, yet for some reason Y/N refused to conclude that her liking him was true. Just as they thought of that, Y/N could spot the girl they were thinking about coming towards the pair. Her cheeks were flushed because of all the physical activities she had to endure, yet she smiled kindly. Y/N went to pick up another bottle to offer to her. “Thank you!” She mouthed as Y/N gave her the bottle, proceeding to drink off of it. “No worries. Oh, by the way, Mingi sent a document of what we have done so far in the group chat, read it whenever you have some time and let us know what you think. She nodded “Will do, thank you and sorry I couldn’t stay throughout the whole thing!” Y/N shook their head. “It’s all good, I understand that practice was important.” The girl smiled back at them, silently thanking Y/N for their understanding of the story. As Y/N turned around to go store the water bottles that remained into the club’s storage, their ears perked up as Hyena’s voice resounded behind them. “You did really well today, Hanbin. Your moves always look so…polished, it’s beautiful really. I truly wish I could be as good as you. I’m sure you’ll be chosen to be on the team for the tournament if you keep this up!” The young man’s hearty laugh followed. “Don’t say that…you have improved quite a lot yourself! You should be proud of it, I’m sure that all of the seniors have noticed how much effort you’re putting in!” Y/N walked in the storage’s direction, but as they did so, something was telling them to stay put in order to listen to what was being said. ‘Listening in on others’ conversations is not something you do, Y/N.’ They reminded themselves as they scrapped the idea almost immediately. But was it true? Was that something Y/N wouldn’t do? Maybe they should have stayed still just for a little bit, there was no harm in wanting to confirm something. Y/N sighed as they cursed themselves and Mingi for having put weird thoughts in their head. As they walked away from the two, Y/N could hear the pair complimenting each other continuously. Was Mingi right? Did Hanbin maybe like Hyena too? Y/N felt embarrassed by their own scandal-loving tendencies.

Y/N felt their phone vibrating within the pocket of their pants. Alice had messaged them, telling them that her volleyball practice was over. Y/N hummed to themselves, their fingers moving to digit a reply back to her. <<I’m at the dancing club. Waiting on Hanbin. Do you want me to wait for you outside?>> Her response was almost immediate. <<Way too cold lol, I’m coming in.>> Y/N sent a thumbs up before putting their phone back into their pocket. Minho wasn’t a huge fan of people who weren’t members of the club entering the building without a reason, but in the past three months, he had been overwhelmed by Alice’s energy to the point where he had gotten used to it. The fact that she was Y/N’s friend also helped. As they left the room, Y/N couldn’t see Hyena or Hanbin anymore. When they asked where they went, Hyunjin told them that Hyena had already made her way out of the club, while Hanbin had told him to warn Y/N that he had decided to take a quick shower. They nodded in response, and went to sit onto one of the benches as they waited for Alice and Hanbin. <<I bought you snacks for tonight.>> A message from their sister came. <<Thank you <3>> Y/N had asked their family if Hanbin could have stayed over for the night, as they wanted to have a movie night, not having to wake up early the following day due to it being the weekend. To be honest, asking at this point was just a sign of respect, but they knew that their family was already aware of the fact that Hanbin would have slept there that day. Since the two had become neighbors, they started spending a lot of time together. Hanbin was overjoyed after having discovered that, and because he also had to get the bus back home, he began sitting next to Alice and Y/N. Y/N had also gotten very close to Matthew, and Jisoo and Taerae went to the same club, and he also loved playing video games, just like Mingi, Alice and Y/N, so the two groups of friends became close quite naturally. Starting from having lunch together, Hanbin and Y/N ended up spending so much time together that not finding them in the same place while lessons weren’t a thing seemed almost impossible. They usually studied at each others’ homes, and during the weekends they would have sleepovers. It had become a habit for their families as well, to the point where they too had turned into friends due to how often they’d see the others’ child.

Y/N found that weird initially. Hanbin was popular among his peers; everyone appreciated his personality, he was an extrovert and was very likable overall. He was also talented at whatever he did, and was generally smart too. It truly felt like he had it all. For him to be so fixated on the idea of becoming Y/N’s friend…it was weird. But Hanbin managed to win Y/N over basically immediately. Y/N themselves couldn’t tell why, but Hanbin’s presence was almost magnetic to them. Hanbin managed to come into Y/N’s world, break it down and recreate a better version of it, one where Y/N themselves could feel happier about. Hell, Y/N used to dislike physical contact with people, but Hanbin managed to change their mind pretty quickly. Y/N might have joked around with Hanbin, telling him that it was tiring to live with as much positivity as he did, but truthfully, they were glad to have met the young man. A buzzing of voices caught Y/N’s attention, leading them to raise their head in that direction. Before they did though, Y/N could already tell who it was. That voice was far too familiar not to recognize it by now. “Senior! I was looking for Y/N!” Y/N felt second-hand embarrassment by witnessing Alice’s interaction with Hyunjin. It was so blatantly obvious to them that their best friend liked the blonde man, be it her tone of voice or the way she started fidgeting with her fingers around him, Y/N could ALWAYS tell when Alice liked someone. It could be described as a super power of sorts. It did puzzle them as to why they couldn’t do the same with others; that way they’d know whether or not Hyena actually liked Hanbin. Their friend’s upbeat steps preceded her voice as she got closer to them, whispering. “Is he still looking at me?” Y/N’s eyes looked past her, in order to check if Hyunjin was actually doing that or not. “NOT LIKE THAT!” Alice’s unlikely whisper scolded them for directly checking that out. “...You can’t look at him or he’ll know…” She went back to an actual whisper. “He wasn’t looking.” She sighed. “Hyunjin is quite handsome, but he’s pretty chill. Quite goofy too. You shouldn’t let a man have that much control over your emotions…” Y/N spoke plainly, their tone clearly teasing Alice. “It’s not my fault…pretty men are my weakness.” She retorted dramatically, holding her chest as she posed. “Isn’t the sweat a turn off? Dance practice was really tough today, I’ve heard.” “Are you kidding? It’s even better. Oh goodness. Am I sweating? Did he see me sweat?” Before they could answer, Y/N felt someone slide ride next to them, putting one of their arms around Y/N’s shoulders. “I doubt he would have cared, Hyunjin Hyung isn’t the type.” Hanbin’s wet hair stuck to his forehead, a couple of droplets falling off of it. “Do you think so, Hanbinnie?” He simply chuckled in response. Before anybody could get another word in, Alice began waving at every single club member that passed by, all of whom greeted her back. She had become a sort of mascot for the club.

“I hate to break it to you, but we need to rush to the school gates. The bus will be here in 5 minutes.” Y/N called out to the two. They nodded and all quickly made their way to the bus stop, making small conversation in between steps. Alice’s volleyball practice was also tough. Most schools’ tournaments were around the same period of time, so it made sense to Y/N that their practices would all become tough. The bus ride back home was very quiet. The sky had darkened, there weren’t many clouds left and it seemed like it was accompanying the world to rest as well. Hanbin and Alice were both very tired, their bodies ached, and Y/N understood that they might not have felt like talking. Alice’s voice denied that thought though. “What movie will you be watching tonight?” Hanbin, who sat in front of her, shrugged. “We haven’t decided yet.” “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Y/N asked. “I wish. My parents and I will have lunch with my grandparents tomorrow.” “Didn’t you say your mother was making budae jjigae today? I thought that was your favorite.” Hanbin stated, clearly taunting Alice. “You’re on thin ice, Sung Hanbin. First you steal my best friend, then you attack me with food…this isn’t a good look on you.” They all chuckled, and Y/N clinged to Alice’s side jokingly. “You don’t have to be jealous, Hanbin is just a fling. It’s nothing serious, I promise!” “I’m a FLING?! I thought we were endgame, Y/N, ENDGAME.” The rest of the ride was filled with jokes and laughter. It was pleasant.

Y/N and Hanbin said goodbye to Alice as they got to her bus stop, and after that they too arrived at theirs. “Your hair is still wet, aren’t you cold?” Y/N asked. Hanbin was now wearing comfortable clothes he wore after the shower. Y/N had told him that if he wanted to, he could shower at their place, but Hanbin insisted that it was fine.

Y/N didn’t really agree, mainly because they loved getting in front of the fireplace after a shower when the climate was cold.“I’m ok, although I am kinda looking forward to your mother’s budae jjigae to warm up…” “Oh you have no idea how hungry I am right now. I’m only hoping she started making dinner already.” The pair quickly walked to Y/N’s house, and as they went to open the door, a wave of warmth and comfort overwhelmed them. Y/N had come to the conclusion that there was no better feeling than coming home after school, especially in the evening. The two didn’t even the time to step into the house, D/N’s waltzed out of the building to their direction, barking loudly while wagging its tail. “We’re home!” Y/N stated loudly for everyone to hear. They kneeled a bit to pat D/N, who was happily looking for attention…up until it noticed that Hanbin was also there, which prompted it to completely ignore Y/N and go cheer for the young man, who returned its attention with just as much cheerfulness. “Traitors…the both of you.” Hanbin chuckled, and they all made their way into the cozy house. The pleasant smell of soup invaded their nostrils, relieving them as that meant that Y/N’s parents had already started making dinner. “Welcome back!” Y/N’s sister’s voice was the first to greet them, as she was already in the hallway. “Hanbin! How was school?” “Noona! It went well, there wasn’t a lot to do today. How was your work day?” Y/N’s sister sighed. “As good as it could be, meaning not that well. I wish I were still in school like you guys.” She chuckled and then proceeded to make her way to her room. Y/N led Hanbin to their room, where the pair left their school supplies and bags before walking back downstairs and entering the kitchen. Y/N’s mother was cooking, while their father was setting the table up. Y/N could feel their eyes lighting up the moment they saw Hanbin. “See? They love you more than they do me.” Y/N commented statically, to which Hanbin laughed. “You guys came just in time, dinner’s about to be ready in 5 minutes at most!” Y/N’s mother told them, as Y/N’s father started putting the side dishes on the table. They asked the typical questions you’d ask someone who had just come back from school. Hanbin and Y/N would reply, with Hanbin asking a few questions back, but really, all they could focus on at the moment was the food. Hanbin moved to go help Y/N’s father in setting up what was left to set up on the table, meanwhile Y/N called out for their sister to come join them. They soon sat around the table, and started to enjoy Y/N’s mother’s cooking. “Mrs. L/N, your budae jjigae is always the best.” Hanbin exclaimed as he took another spoon full of soup. Y/N found his way of filling his cheeks with food as he bit into it quite cute; it always reminded them of a hamster. “Aw, you’re always so sweet, Hanbinnie! I wish someone could be more like you…” She said, eyeing both of her children. “We’ve been living with you our entire lives. You know me, if your food wasn’t good, I would have already escaped from this household.” Y/N joked, their mother replying with a simple ‘mhm’. Dinner proceeded smoothly, there weren’t awkward questions from their parents, which made Y/N breath a sigh of relief, as they could be a bit…invasive at times. Their father kept on pushing for Hanbin to eat more, which was a habit they were all used to whenever someone visited them for lunch or dinner. “What should we watch later?” Hanbin asked as he finished his plate. “I’m not sure, I’ll take a shower after dinner and in the meantime you can look up to see if you find anything on streaming platforms. We basically have them all…” Hanbin nodded, his eyes’ hues bright as the warmth of the soup had also reached his cheeks, giving them a natural blush. Y/N noticed their own gaze lingering on him for a second too long before they caught themselves and went back to their soup.

As everyone finished their meal, they all helped cleaning the kitchen, and as they were done, Y/N moved to the bathroom in order to take a shower. The urge of remaining still under the jet of warm water that hit their skin was strong, especially considering how cold the weather had gotten, but Y/N knew that they couldn’t keep Hanbin waiting for long. Hanbin likely wouldn’t have minded considering how used they had gotten to be at one another’s place, but it still felt rude. Internally groaning once they were done, Y/N left the warmth embrace of the shower’s water, only to be hit by an immediate freezing breeze that made their whole skin shiver. Y/N’s red bathrobe aided in fighting the cold, but it was only after they got in their pajama that they managed to stabilize their body temperature to a comfortable degree.

When Y/N got to the living room, Hanbin had already found the time to change into his own pajamas. He had taken his usual spot on the couch, and had made himself cozy by wrapping himself in a red plaid that Y/N’s mother usually used as an extra layer of sheets during winter if the weather got too cold. Hanbin’s cheeks were of the same color as he scrolled through the various shows and movies that the streaming platforms presented. The table in front of the couch had been filled with various snacks, both sweet and savory, and two cups of piping hot tea completed the ensemble. Y/N couldn’t help but smile at the sight. “Have you decided what to watch?” Y/N could feel Hanbin jolt up, his gaze turning towards their figure. The young man didn’t speak, seemingly taking in Y/N’s presence for a few seconds. He stuttered. “Uh-I…I was thinking about a classic…what do you think about ‘Beauty and the Beast’?...” Y/N sat on the couch next to him nodding. “Sounds good, I’m down.” “Your mother gave me this…” Hanbin unwrapped himself from the blankets, offering them to Y/N, who happily grabbed its hems. Y/N made themselves comfortable, and soon enough, they started playing the movie. Aside from a few comments they made from time to time, the pair remained silent throughout the majority of it. Hanbin usually had a lot of energy, and was capable of bringing out a similar type of energy from others as well. He was very much an extrovert, capable of making friends in a matter of minutes. While he did help out Y/N become more comfortable around people though, Y/N knew they weren’t anywhere close to Hanbin’s levels. In the past, Y/N could mainly pretend to be ok around people, but mainly thought about what to do once alone most of the time. Since Hanbin breached into their life, they had gotten used to actually spend time with people while enjoying said time…still, Y/N remained very much an introvert, and needed their time alone. Thankfully though, despite Hanbin usually being full of energy, he knew how to respect Y/N’s needs. It was a comfortable silence, they didn’t need to talk to enjoy their time together, they didn’t need to be constantly at a 100. Y/N really appreciated that aspect of their friendship.

As the movie progressed, the two got more and more tired. They naturally ended up coddling one another, Y/N leaning into Hanbin’s side as he allowed them to rest their head on his left shoulder and part of his chest. Y/N’s fingers traced maps into Hanbin’s skin, making him feel more and more comfortable as time passed. An outsider who didn’t know them could have mistaken them for a couple, but they felt like it was a common thing for friends to be that close. Y/N knew that their friendship was not something to take for granted, they were fully aware of it. Their relationship with Alice was similar, but different at the same time. Y/N didn’t really know how to explain it, they just felt that way. By the time the movie was over, Y/N’s parents and sister had already gone to bed. It wasn’t that late, but they were just those types of people. The snacks were almost completely depleted, and the cups were long emptied. “Classics are difficult to beat.” Hanbin stated lightly, but with a somewhat proud tone of voice. Y/N chuckled. “That’s true in most cases, yeah.” They didn’t move, savoring the comfortable presence of the other. “Do you want to go to bed?” Hanbin asked with a soft tone of voice. He didn’t seem tired though. “Do you want to?” “It’s up to what you want to do.” Y/N’s head turned to face Hanbin, a glint of malice sparked in their eyes. “You know what time it is?” Hanbin smiled almost instinctively at Y/N’s words. “No, what time is it?” Y/N jumped upwards, detaching themselves from Hanbin to face him. Their legs were crossed as they leaned to the side to pick up another piece of milk chocolate to munch on. “IT IS SHARING SECRETS TIME!” Hanbin bursted out laughing. “I knew you would say that!” Ok, maybe Y/N did like gossip a little bit, and they couldn’t blame Mingi for having awakened those tendencies, since they were already there. They didn’t really care about bad-mouthing others, but their thirst for others’ business was quite huge. To the point where their whole group of friends knew that at some point, Y/N would start asking random questions just so that they could know the answer. No matter how dumb it was. “You start!” “Of course I do.” Hanbin laughed once again, to him, Y/N’s predictability was cute. “What can I share if we’re always together anyway?” “I don’t know, anything really…Oh.” Hanbin tilted his head to the side as he felt as if Y/N had come up with something to ask. “What do you want to know?” He asked. “Um….” Y/N started speaking, although they didn’t really know how to question what they wanted to ask without it coming off as a bit weird. “Hanbinnie.” “Mhm, that’s me.” “You know how you’re really popular around school…” Y/N was trying to climb onto mirrors in order to avoid being direct. “I wouldn’t really say that…but go on.” “A lot of people admire you, you know?” “They do?” “...So I was thinking…do you…maybe…perhaps…mayhaps…” Hanbin couldn’t handle it anymore, moving to grab Y/N’s hands to shake them as rapidly as possible. He spoke again, his tone of voice still holding a cheerfulness in it. “L/N Y/N, for the love of God, cut to the chase!” Y/N whined at that. “...Is there someone that you fancy?”

Hanbin was dumbfounded by that question. His mouth formed a small ‘O’ shape as he tried to formulate his words. Y/N was interested in many things, but romance wasn’t usually one of those. “...Not really, no. Why do you ask?” Y/N hummed at that response. They were somewhat comforted by that. Y/N thought that when people get into a relationship, it becomes more difficult to see them. “No reason, I thought that since you’re well-liked, there would probably be some people who see you as a potential partner.” Y/N was confident that their tone of voice wouldn’t have let out the true reason as to why they were asking. Y/N didn’t want Hanbin to think Hyena liked him like that if that weren’t the case, it would have just caused confusion. “What about you?” This time it was Hanbin’s turn to ask, Y/N felt a shiver run down their spine. They didn’t know why, but it felt like Hanbin had a sudden change of behavior; he seemed much more serious. “What about me?” “Do you like someone?” His response was immediate, no second thoughts. Laughters came naturally. Y/N found that question dumb; Y/N wasn’t really popular, nor were they particularly attractive in their eyes. They weren’t really smart, nor good at sports. They weren’t funny, nor were they mysterious enough to be considered interesting. Who’d be interested in a relationship with someone like that? “Yeah, that ain’t ever gonna happen.” Hanbin’s features relaxed, as his expression went back to a smile.

“I’m far too busy supporting you and the club to think about those things.” Y/N proudly stated as they held their hand on their chest. Hanbin chuckled. “You know, Minho Hyung said that I have a very high chance to make it in the team for the tournament…” Y/N’s eyes brightened as Hanbin said that. “WHAT WERE YOU WAITING FOR TO TELL ME?!” “Sharing secrets time?” Y/N paused for a second before laughing, lightly hitting Hanbin’s arm, only to then wrap him in their arms. “...Congrats, you’re doing amazing…” Y/N knew how passionate Hanbin was about dancing. They knew how much he cared, and how happy he must have been for that. Hanbin hugged them back, nuzzling his head in the crook of their neck. “Thank you for always pushing me to do my best…” “What do you mean? I didn’t do anything, it was all your hard work…and it paid off!” “You did more than you think…” Hanbin’s voice came out almost as a whisper. It surprised Y/N. Hanbin could be cheesy at times, but this time it felt different. “What do you-” Before Y/N could finish their sentence, a loud roar exploded in the night. Initially, it came slowly, a single boom. Multiple ones then started following. They increased in numbers again and again, until their sparkles could be heard continuously. “...No way.” Y/N’s expression became more and more excited as they realized what was going on. Their body acted before their mind; they grabbed Hanbin’s hand and rushed through the hallways of the house, until they were in front of the door to open it.

As they did so, the two were met by the sight of arcing fireworks litting the sky ablaze, painting rainbows of starlight into it. Some shot straight up before exploding, others made swirls to create spirals, others shattered into thousands of sparks, and others tumbled like a shower of colorful lights. Y/N couldn’t stray their gaze from them. They were hypnotized by those lights in the sky, lights that combined themselves with the stars that were lit ablaze in the vast sky to create the most magnificent picture one could think of. Their mouth was opened in awe, as they smiled as genuinely as they could have ever smiled. Hanbin appreciated the beauty of the spectacle as well, although the picture he was admiring was a different one. Y/N turned around, meeting the other’s eyes and smiling at him. They were still holding hands, enjoying the comfort and warmth they shared with that simple gesture. ‘What is Happiness?’...it was a difficult question, but Y/N would have answered by describing that exact moment.

[xabarik]

Sorry but... but why andrey and block???? i reeeaaally like ur work but and they somehow work together but why them??? /nbr

ohhh this question.... I don't want to be that person who writes an essay in response to a question but who cares what I want right? going to brutaly use your question to talk about them (sorry for the repeats and mistakes, eng is still not my first language)

In short: because I want to. In long: actually blockdrey is a thing that was born year++ ago from a silly idea (they do have a couple of interactions, so it was fun) I told my girlfriend and she really wanted to support me at the time because of my job-killed state. a lot has happened since then but we still love them very much.

It's an explosive combination that's either fire or, suddenly, harmonious resonance. Interesting perspective. First of all, they are two independent and NOT codependent adults. andrey and block are as equal as possible, even if they disagree on some points. block is stronger and tougher physically, andrey is more agile and strong-willed.

andrey demands a "deterrent" for himself. he brings harm to everyone with his own personality, and the people around are not the kind of people who can stand it. andrey is too strong, freedom-loving, too impetuous, and destructive. block is a deterrent by profession. a major-general undertakes to be the commander-in-chief of his unit's actions. and he is so in character: restrained, logical, rough…. and he's clearly going through things that the average man can't. he's got a strong inner core.

They'd be looking for equal partners. there was no situation that andrey was interested in people weaker in any way (primarily in spirit) and, as it seems, all those who interested him have great willpower. yes, eva yan too. and block has proven himself over a hard and rough life. a man capable of answering both a blow and a word. what he needs from another person is freedom

block comforts himself with hopes for a miracle. i love the way he warmly treats the polyhedron without disliking either side. he is caught between the hammer and the anvil of events. If you remember the conversation between stamatins and dankovsky, then you know they are not so different in their positions. polyhedron needs the city, without it it's confined in formalin. block with all honesty can close the gap in andrey's "inferiority complex" so to speak, which by the end of the story goes completely over the edge. he doesn't feel real without maria and peter, doesn't feel whole. "he's done everything that was asked of him". block is a pragmatist. he knows who invented the polyhedron and whose hands made the miracle stand. and this understanding is important to andrey as a person. and he really needs that faith (especially in this situation with Powers). The matter of miracles is their personal way of finding common ground, even in the fire.

block can be admired for andrey's courage and determination in achieving goals. he himself gives in return stability and reliability, the necessary restraint, deterrent, a stick in the wheel. and yet he does not suffer from it. this helps andrey to focus his energy on achieving constructive goals. in independent self-realization. overcoming the stagnant crisis!

for both of them life is a never-ending struggle for a place under the sun. block is used to making rules, andrey is used to breaking them. block wants to control his environment, andrey hates control. a fight in this situation is more like what they both need in the context of repressed anger in one and open aggression in the other, which no one can resist. andrey finds an equal opponent, block finds an opportunity not to be judged for this breakdown, as andrey will only support this. a fight that is a need for both is not always about destruction.

I like this combination because they are equal and… They can talk about what they both want... they can discuss their positions! opinions!!! each other!!!! im chose to be happy with fireworks and presentation. and being chill. their maneuvering on the edge, where there's fire on both sides, I like it. it's interesting and gives me more space. I need a normal (as possible) "plate breaking", where everyone will understand the position in the end and won't go crazy. where the quick burnout of one and the neurosis burning life of the other will give them an opportunity to look at it differently. i mean... relationships are always about passing on and gaining new experiences, it's mutual help, trust. you are two self-sufficient people, able to speak with words through your mouth and without using each other (even if they CAN but they don't and thats the thing). and not denying a different outcome in their case at all lolol but im interested in other things i just like to analize life and everything and show it through stuff. that's why it's them. that's just how the stars aligned yk

[alxssarosex]

What are some of your favourite rosekiller headcannons? :)

I have so many because I'm genuinely obsessed.

In every universe Evan is french to me like he grew up in France in my eyes and Barty is OBSESSED with his accent and when he speaks French Barty almost has a stroke.

Barty being in love with Evan since the second he saw him even if he didn't realize that's what it was is my all time favorite there are WAY too many fics where Evan is the one pining and I love them don't get me wrong but obsessed Barty is TOO real to me.

Before Evan and Barty got together they were delusional besties telling each other exactly like they would be so dead wrong in a situation and they'd be like well I mean I'd do it to for a check.

Barty is a flirt but Evan rosier is GORGEOUS he is the Remus Lupin of slytherin people are obsessed with him and he is so so oblivious to it and Barty's like damn everyone wants my man.

Both of them have the worst jealousy problems especially when they were in the realization stage but Evan was 10x more calm about it then Barty. Barty would throw the biggest hissy fit when someone even went near Evan and threaten to wipe out their whole blood lime while everyone else is like "and he still doesn't get it??".

I hate past bartylus we ALL know this I could write a essay on how it would only be possible if Barty didn't know Evan but Pandora and Evan are twins to me and the idea of Barty thinking he liked Pandora because he was confused and Pandora being like sweetie no cracks me up.

Evan is NOT a sweet little anxious boy to me he is just as if not more unhinged than Barty but in a slightly different font. Evan hates people except his core group and has a soft spot for james as well where as Barty is super socially unhinged so most people would think he's more unhinged but if people heard Evan's thoughts or conversations with his group they'd be like what in the actual fuck??

Evan and Barty's denial stage was so long and dramatic but them getting together was so simple they both felt stupid for not realizing sooner.

Evan and Barty were the daddy issues to Regulus and Dorcas's mommy issues.

Barty slowly built up to his realization but Evan randomly was like oh fuck I think I'm in love with Barty and then he kissed him and was in denial about it.

I have many many more but i got distracted trying to make this so it took 2 hours... I'll share some more later!!

[not-poignant]

Sorry this is so long I literally cannot help myself:

I’ve been a reader on ao3 for a long time. This year, for the sake of giving my brain something new and in order to be a mysterious hottie on the metro, I’ve challenged myself to read some published books. It has been a really fun and very interesting experience. I could write essays of personal and literary reflections.

But, favorite author mine, one difference I did not expect, and in hindsight it should have been obvious, was the vast, essentially ideological difference in what is called smut.

I started reading the Court of Thorns and Roses series and it’s good, I’m having a good time. But the thing is, everyone calls it faerie smut. And I guess it must be. When I heard faerie smut and decided to give the series a try, my faerie smut background came from ao3, namely fae tales and the ice plague.

“With each thrust I felt his love and saw the stars” really has nothing on “my entire family burnt and now my lover has his hands in my mouth and up my ass while he heats me up so thoroughly I’m basically delirious and then our sex mentor wine aunt was hungry and told me I was doing good while he drank my blood and his lover who is also the king casually reads nearby likely with bits of flesh stripped off him as an act of sacrificial love.”

The thing is, the sex scenes I’ve read in Sarah J. Maas’s series don’t really… do much. Regardless of crazy scenario, essentially every of the many erotic scenes in the fae tales verse either moves the plot forward, is essential to character development, or showcases emotional intimacy. (Which, tangent, is why you’re more recent works that generally showcase way less sexual content still feel so similar because the plot is still moving forward, characters are still developing, and the emotional intimacy is still so delectable.)

So anyway, reading book books has been really nice and a surprisingly reflective experience. I kinda forgot how little is considered scandalous by so many.

(And also, compared to ao3 which I usually read on my phone, it’s very difficult to read physical books while horizontal. Another plus for ebooks?)

Hi hi anon!

I'm glad you're enjoying the experience of reading 'book' books! :D I've heard many good things, and while I'm not likely to read it (I don't read cishet m/f if I'm not being forced to), I think it's awesome that it's going so viral and getting lots of folks into fantasy :D

As for the ACOTAR sex scenes, I haven't read them, but I feel like they fall into a certain kind of spicy sex scene being written right now that falls under 'explicit' for readers not used to seeing this stuff in fantasy, but absolutely kind of doesn't for people used to reading smut on AO3.

I find for myself, I can't handle these kinds of sex scenes because they're often over in like one or two pages and they feel very empty to me. They're not empty to many readers and I'm not trying to say they're empty overall, I just need a lot more emotionality, meatiness, and often character-based stakes.

Or I think about it this way: I've written sex scenes that are easily 6,000-9,000 words long. That's a tenth of a written standard-length novel. That's too long for novels. This is why you never see these kinds of sex scenes published anywhere except for erotica, and in erotica there's pressure to make the sex scenes shorter anyway. The only place where I know I can safely write sex to the length and breadth I want to is in serials, on AO3.

Authors in the mainstream book-writing world are kind of forced into a shape that fits the length of the book they're writing. If they write three very deep/lengthy sex scenes of the length that I write at, firstly they'd be thrown into the erotica dungeon (can no longer be searched for on most distribution websites), and secondly, that means they lose a lot of space for writing story, which for many of these writers does not happen during or because of sex scenes.

Authors can still sometimes write very hot sex scenes in a few hundred words, or one or two pages, don't get me wrong! But the vibe is different. I've never really liked sex scenes in anything published except for erotica, because it often feels... idk, like for example this line:

"“With each thrust I felt his love and saw the stars”"

Idk if this is canon to the book, but for me this means nothing. Why is the character feeling this way? What is it about the thrusts? What is it about the pose? Is it about eye contact? (And is this innately comfortable? How neurotypical is this character?) Undulation? Does he linger at the end? Is it because he circles his hips a certain way? Because that's not love, that's just talent.

I suppose for me, as a reader, I need explanations that let me understand why emotional shifts are happening in a sex scene. In the same way that I would need them in any other character change.

Other people I think can suspend their disbelief better and think 'wow that sounds amazing and hot.' I'm like 'I don't get it.'

And that's very much a me-problem! It's just a me-problem that I think I share with quite a lot of other readers, which is why we're all out here enjoying much longer sex scenes and then realise we can't really find them anywhere except for like... AO3, and some manhwa and manga and published erotica lmao. (I do think you're actually also more likely to find it in like f/f and m/m of any genre).

Anyway, on the flipside, some people find my sex scenes way too long and don't see the point. So all this stuff needs to exist for everyone! I just yeah, really like sex scenes where character stuff is happening. I can't write them otherwise, likely because I'm ace, and don't really find 'look at hot body = want to have sex' a thing that's relatable.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Isn’t Baldurs Gate a multicultural city?

I physically cannot simply answer a question, I blame my teachers for teaching me to write essays.

In the sense that it has multiple minority cultures living in it, yes, but it's a human dominated city just like the remaining 99% of Toril (slight hyperbole, but still). Faerûn's population ratio is such that 9 in every 10 people on the continent are human, with the remaining 1 in that ten being any of several other races - most of whom live in their own countries (Elves in Evereska, the High Forest and Evermeet (plus a few smaller out of the way settlements). Dwarves in the Great Rift and the mountains. Halflings mostly in Luiren, etc) "...the question has been asked by some that when this race finally gets all the quirks out of its system and gets moving, will there be any room left for the other races of the Realms?" - Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting (Revised)

Humans kind of just push you out, take over and build their stuff all over everything. Elves specifically refer to them as "the many handed curse", because there's just so many of them, disunited, all with so many conflicting aims and actions that they fight and bring destruction everywhere they go. The other non-humans, also kind of annoyed by humans, have adopted this name for them too.

Hell, even the words for non-humans, "humanoid" and "demihuman", are human-centric. Like-a-human, human-ish, almost human.

Baldurs gate is a city founded by humans, with a dominant human population, whose customs and laws are from human culture. Humans are/were the norm and the default.

Astarion was born in the time frame where elves and demihumans were not that common. Silverymoon is considered unusual as the most metropolitan cities in existence, and its population was still 41% human with the remaining percentage being everyone else. Waterdeep, massive cosmopolitan city and one of the most important trading cities? 64% human. In the original games you'll notice that in cities like Baldur's Gate and Athkatla non-human citizens are rare enough that they stand out when you spot them (although the latter has a significant halfling and gnome minority).

Slightly off topic to babble about the stupid elf (affectionate) some more:

By the time Astarion was born, the elves were prepared to leave on the Retreat - a summons for elves to totally abandon the world for what remained of the elven homelands (and Evermeet) which from the elven understanding of time was basically happening next week. As a people, elves are not keen to mingle with human society, which they view as dangerous, so while it is possible for his family to have integrated with human nobility I do find it odd, and would say that he was nouveau-riche at best. He makes an offhand reference to Evereska at one point, and I would assume his family is from there.

(I did say I was sceptical, not that it's impossible - Rule of thumb for high elves: moon elves putting down roots like that would be unusual because they're sort of semi-nomadic outside of elven lands, even though they could be sticking around for a human generation, they'd be new money mingling with old money; sun elves would sooner die then subject themselves to human society; star elves weren't currently on Toril due to not wanting to be invaded by human armies, and left long before Astarion was born and wouldn't be back until a while after his death).

The Szarrs I can handwave, considering there's some strongly implied human ancestry what with the Kara-turan signet ring. Cazador just has more elven genetics than human.

[zai-doodles]

In your fairy tail will Laxus be different, guy was too much of a prick to accept his change of heart or that "deep down, he's a good guy", he threatened to kill the entire city just because he had daddy issues.

i have so many opinions ive been avoiding answering this until i had time to write an essay so here you go.

So, i personally, feel like fairy tail has a really weird habit of having characters do extremely irredeemable shit, say several times that the character is enjoying what their doing, then have their character do a 180 several arcs later because after fighting fairy tail they just saw the light or some shit.

Like i was rewatching the Battle of Fairy Tail arc and lauxus is just... so awful? and the way they try to redeem him with the spell shit not working like sir he was going to kill everyone maybe we dont give him a pass?

all this to say heres how I would rewrite the battle of fairy tail:

Ok so i'd keep Laxus' resentment of Makorav over the banishment of his dad, the only thing keeping laxus in ft is knowing one day hes going to inherit the guild. He works his ass off to become as powerful as he can in order to live up to that legacy but also...

He hates it there.

Specifically, the ones who grew up in the guild (ie erza, mira, natsu, gray, etc) because he always felt like makorav embraced them more than laxus.

So he works hard and keeps his head down, picking fights more out of resentment than anything the other guild members did. I think some of the older guild members who remember Ivan are very wary of Laxus but not afraid just... keeping an eye out.

Laxus reads it as pity.

Once Laxus grows up, hes arrogant, entitled, and selfish. He puts his everything into becoming the best and surrounds himself with yes men (the thunder legion im getting to them) who boost his ego.

Then one day he overhears some fairy tail members spreading a rumor that Makorav is going to retire...

And Erza is going to become the next guild master.

And it fucking breaks something inside him.

I think Laxus resents Erza the most because its just so clear Makorav favors her over everyone. Shes so perfect and humble and honorable and...

Everything Laxus isn't.

So he sets up a plan. He's going to take the guild by force.

ok so it happens basically the same as canon right up until the end. Before the timer runs out Laxus demands Makorav hand the guild over to him before all these people get hurt.

Makorav shows up to confront laxus and instead of doing or saying anything, he just quietly walks up to laxus and stands in front of him.

Laxus starts to panic and yells about how the old man has to give up or everyone is going to die. Outside fairy tail is taking down the dome but its not enough.

Laxus grows more erratic but Makorav says nothing.

The timer runs out and nothing happens.

Laxus sighs in defeat. He's been caught.

He was bluffing.

See the plan laxus and the thunder legion made was simple, they'd prove themselves the strongest by beating the entire guild and once everyone was taken out, makorav would have no choice to hand the guild over since no one was left to stop the thunder dome.

the body link magic still hurt any attackers just to make them seem more real, but they were only really there to pressure Makorav into caving.

Laxus didnt account for his grandpa having faith in him.

However the power grab couldn't be ignored, attacking the guild and even just threatening the city leads to laxus getting banished.

The thunder legion decide to leave fairy tail but laxus forbids them from following him anymore, not feeling worthy of being their leader anymore. So the thunder legion kinda just go off on their own as a trio for the time being.

Idk if this feels lame to others but to me its better than having laxus fully believe hes going to kill everyone and go through with it (even if the spell didnt work) only to redeem him later. It just feels weird to me? idk im not a great writer but this is just my lil rewrite.

as a treat have my bickslow redesign

shhh ik its not v good im still work shopping it but this is like, my third attempt so just take it for now

[bleachbleachbleach]

Verisimilitude (long thoughts about writing)

Sometimes I get mailed random books to consider for course adoption. The first one I looked at the other day was so incredibly bad I could not make it past page 12--"oh my god I hate books" bad; "trees were wasted on this!!" bad. And then there's this one. I've made it to page 30-something and I could have told you 20 pages ago that Oliver Twist it would remain, but I am still reading it to read it, and maybe keep it to recommend extracurricularly. (The protagonist Alva is a weeb for American culture, whatever the word is for that, which I think could make for interesting study!) But that's all context to say,

AH YES THE INTERNET RABBIT HOLE OF NARUTO FAN FICTION, HENTAILORD. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

SO...

BLEACH MENTION WHEN????

Based on the style of her screen name, the Naruto porn, and her listening to My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park, this girl is definitely living her teenage life in the mid-00s, in ways that are searingly obvious. Which feels like it should be a massive success in terms of using verisimilitude to pinpoint a particular time and place and, by extension, person. But I don't think it does?

In thinking about why this doesn't work for me as a reader:

1. As a general rule, I tend not to enjoy "fandom" subculture references like this in fiction, because they have never felt true to my experience of fandom, or even my experience of others' experiences of fandom. The specificity is there but not the verisimilitude. Whether this is because of an inability to articulate the breath of life that animates fandom spaces, or a feeling of needing to at least kind of translate it for the uninitiated general audience, I don't know. Not that Alva's narrative goes far enough to merit this discussion; she's just reading Naruto porn for one sentence, but it just doesn't land right for me. (Sidebar, this is probably also why I don't enjoy acafandom or fandom essays that aspire to acafandom; there's usually this attempted, manufactured critical/"objective" distance from the text that often feels performative, or at least the wrong [or less interesting] tool for the job. And even where 'in-group' positionality is addressed, the translation required to make these things legible to the out-group is just--well, not what I want in life, I guess!)

2. I am a great believer in drawing greatly from what you know and feel and all those random thoughts and behaviors and emotions and tics that make life interesting, and giving them to fiction. In fanfic especially, I am a great believer in seeing the author's hands in a text, making the story (and the original canon) unmistakably theirs. But I kind of always want them to be hands that are in the act of giving. By which I mean, I think there's a difference between all these things existing in a story and having been given to a character or a world or a story, and integrated genuinely into them.

Like, all I can think about while reading this book is how the author definitely lived through the mid-00s in a particular and very familiar way. Rather than create a richly immersive world, the details jump out of the page and leave the story behind. They don't feel like they belong to Alva (or perhaps Alva does not feel like a character with the depth to hold them and make them hers). They belong do the author, and to me, and to history, but Alva falls out of the equation. And if this is going to work, I feel like Alva can't fall out of the equation.

3. I was talking to a friend about something similar a few months ago. She was complaining about a historical fiction book she was reading with a book club she leads at the library she works at--how it was clearly very well-researched, but dry as hell. The information was not animated by the story itself. And I compared it to a fanfic I'd (not) read, where the author was very proud of all the research they'd done and how accurate-to-life its setting was. (To be clear, I'm not subtweeting Bleach fandom. Completely different fandom! Also this fanfic was published like 16 years ago.) The fic did bring in lots of specific details about trees and highways and city names--things I knew well, too, because it was set where my sister lives--but rather than be as exciting and, again, rich, as I feel like that familiarity could have been, it all felt dead. Because all these things were described specifically, but not true to how the narrating characters would describe them, or mentally catalogue them, or experience them.

And you might think, well, how would we possibly know how a character thinks about highways? It's not like he's explained this in canon. And I'd say, well, you definitely can. There are probably a lot of different ways a character could plausibly think about highways, depending on the specific shade and flavor of your characterization of them, all equally believable; but it's got to be part of the equation. There are a lot of ways to be right, and you know it when it's wrong. The wrong-est way it can be is for the way they think about highways to not factor into the way those dang highways are being described by them, in their POV.

4. I think about this both as a reader and as a writer--certainly more often as a writer, because I find that level of imagining a character's headspace the VERY best part of the process, and also because I am often concerned I am not doing it, or at least not well, lol. I'm positive I've done all the things I've just talked about not enjoying.

These concerns exist at the level of characterization work in general, but also at that level of, is the wizard behind the green curtain? Are his hands giving? Because while I do write fanfic because "it is fun" and because "this idea interests me," I am also usually writing it to work through deeply personal emotions/experiences. Which again, perhaps selfishly, I support that. But from a craft perspective I don't want it to feel, transparently, like "oh lol this author is going through it."

Moreover, from a relational perspective, I don't want that to be the relationship between me as author and the characters. Because one thing I am ALWAYS writing fanfic to do is to indulge my feelings about how much I am in complete, rapturous love with the characters and worlds in question. I don't want to just place things upon them, like a film or shroud; I want them to be given, integrated, arriving in the text wholly in their bodies and in their minds and entirely theirs. And I mean this for both the emotional arcs and conflicts and the random tics and details. I want them to have been given, and to belong, and to feel completely and inextricably theirs.

So, those are my thoughts about mid-00s Naruto porn!!!

I'd love to hear others' perspectives, as readers or writers or both. Have you had similar reactions, or quite different? Why do you write, and what do you want? What's your template for how you think about characterization, or your writerly relationship to canon/characters?

[kooki914]

How do you think would Noelle and Ralsei interact with each other if they got the chance? What would their relationship bring out of the other?

This is something I've given a lot of thought to, and something I'm still salty wasn't explored at all in Chapter 2. So this post is both going to answer your question as well as be my excuse to write an essay about these two.

The thing is, Noelle and Ralsei are narrative foils to each other. That probably sounds weird on account of the fact that they never interact, but both mechanically and through dialogue, we see parallels form between them. They're both enigmatic, mysterious, while keeping up friendly appearances, while also being literal or figurative royalty in their respective worlds (Noelle is from a rich family and is adored, Ralsei is a prince with no subjects). They're both love interests to the leads (yes, to Kris and Susie BOTH, the snowgrave route is essentially an exploration of a toxic friends-to-lovers but I'm not getting into that here), and they're both rife with religious symbolism, as well as the fact they're both prey animals (in a world where boss monsters like Toriel and Asgore can look more lion-esque, Ralsei's decidedly goat-ish appearance is kind of striking to me). They have the same heal spell (a pray to light) and they're both "passive" in that kind of way a mage usually is in RPGs.

Noelle's arc mainly centers around agency, while Ralsei's arc mainly centers around identity. For all the struggles she faces, Noelle doesn't really have that... crisis of character that Susie and Ralsei are prone to. Even in the snowgrave route, she doesn't question herself, she questions Kris. And, while Ralsei IS an obedient doormat, it's not out of a lack of agency (he shows us as much when he puts his foot down right before the kids open a fountain), it's an active choice he KNOWS he can simply... Not Do (as evidenced by how upset he is with Susie's behaviour in chapter 1 and his epiphany about it in chapter 2, he essentially equates mean behaviour to Purposefully making people around you suffer, instead of a personality quirk or showing of emotion).

It's interesting to think about how they'd complement one another. Not even strictly in a character arc sense (I'll get to that), but just in a... character interaction sense. Noelle has this pattern of putting the spotlight on other people. Even when she talks about herself it's always framed as a way to lift up those around her, while Ralsei has this sneaky way of getting to know you without you even realising (if the rooms he made for Kris and Susie are anything to go by). I think this would result in a dynamics where Noelle (passively, almost accidentally) allows Ralsei to open up in a more genuine way, while Ralsei still tends to Noelle's needs like he does for everyone else.

It's also interesting from a worldbuilding sense. We've seen Ralsei not give a flying fuck about Anyone that isn't directly connected to the prophecy, both for humour reasons and for horror reasons (as seen in the snowgrave route), so giving him a friend that's 1) a lightner, 2) not part of the prophecy, and 3) trying to actually know him on a personal level - it'd probably cause him to actually rethink his worldview. If someone like Noelle, someone who's got nothing to do with the prophecy, can be an important person to him and a good friend to people she doesn't *need* to care about, then why can't he? Can he be someone outside the prophecy? Is his identity and purpose not confined to this, and what does that mean for him in the long run?

And, on Noelle's side of things, Ralsei would probably be a healthier outlet for that feeling of nostalgia she's so addicted to. With him around, she's allowed to just be a kid again. No appearances to keep up, no expectations to fulfill, he's a fresh start and a new friend that she's allowed to be her authentic self around because his existence is essentially rooted in tending to the inner child of all the lightners he comes across. And maybe then she'll be able to let go of the past. Maybe, though viewing her childhood through an outsider's eager point of view, she can see how far away it is, and how she doesn't NEED it to be happy. Things can't be the same, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe they can be better.

Overall, there's also a... vague "burden of femininity" they both have. They take on emotional labour even when they don't have to, just because that's what's expected of them. I so badly want a Dark Fun Gang-esque arc with these two where they defect from the team and just decide to be bad guys on their own terms for a while. Just because they can, just to see what it brings out of them. And, they'd be complete dorks about it of course, but it'd be nice to see them breaking their moulds with people they don't feel judged by, with friends they don't feel the need to impress because they're already so similar to.

There's this one bit of dialogue I wrote for them for one of my AUs, specifically in the above scenario where they decide to be bad guys for a bit, and I feel I need to share it here because it puts into words something I can't without taking away from the feels of it:

[the-way-astray]

It's the Never Change Anon again! Enjoy!

—————

Title: Never Change chapter 2

Pairing: Stria x Keefe

—————

"I'm still waiting for you to tell me who Shannon is."

"Your mind might explode."

Keefe raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely insulted. "I think you'd be surprised what I can handle."

Well, insulting him was the goal, so Stria felt no remorse. "Trust me, you can't handle this. I'm really just protecting you." Stria smiled warmly and sweetly, her face the perfect picture of someone looking out for a friend. Keefe rolled his eyes, and Stria laughed internally. Maybe she should call him sweetie next time. His eyes might pop out of his head.

"Well, most of this is just you being upset about my sense of humor," Keefe said, a very true statement. Stria nodded. "I am quite funny, if I do say so myself."

"Stop saying so yourself. Please. That's, like, half the problem with your humor. Not only are you not funny, but you're vocal about how funny you think you are. It's unbearable."

"That's an opinion," Keefe defended. Somehow, he'd been miffed enough by most of the essay that she hadn't had to endure his ridiculous smirk even once since they'd gotten their smoothies. "One most people disagree with."

"Yeah, because Shannon decided to write that for some reason."

"What the hell does this Shannon person have to do with anything?!"

Stria smiled sweetly again, tilting her head. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"Excuse me?"

Stria was internally cackling. He looked so frustrated. This was amazing. "You heard me."

"You're a very unpleasant person," Keefe said, crossing his arms.

"I'm not trying to make this date pleasant."

Oh no. Now she was having to deal with the smirk again. Dang it. Could they go back to her needling him? That was fun! "Thought you said it wasn't a date."

"It isn't."

"But you just said it was."

"This date, as in, a day on the calendar," Stria said. Truthfully, it had been a slip of the tongue, and she wasn't sure where it came from. She just hadn't known how else to refer to what they were doing, though she could think of a few better options than date now that she was actually considering it. "It's always a date. You can wipe that smirk off your face."

"I don't think I will." His smirk grew. Ugh. He was the worst.

Well. She'd just have to wipe it off for him, then. "Fine. Guess it's time for us to get back to the things I hate about you. Where were we again? Oh, yes! The way you always push until you get what you want. I'm even enabling you by being here right now, but it's worth it, because I get to rant to you. Why do you not take no for an answer? You help Sophie, not by choice. She thinks it's easier to just tell you what you want to hear than argue with you. There's citations on the sheet!"

"What are you citing?!"

Stria brought back the sweet smile. "None of your concern."

"Will you cut that out?!"

"I don't plan to."

Keefe groaned. "You can at least explain this to me." He was pointing to something on the sheet, and Stria leaned in to see what it said.

“‘Is it okay if I enter your mind?’ Fitz asked. ‘Dude, do you realize how creepy that sounds?’ Keefe interrupted. ‘It’s less creepy than reading her feelings all the time without telling her,’ Fitz argued. ‘Hey, it’s not like I try to do that! You’re just mad that Foster can’t hide things from me.’” (144) Keefe gets bored, so he interrupts Sophie and Fitz’s cognate training for no reason. You know, because he’s incapable of keeping his nose out of others’ business for two seconds. And not only that, he has the audacity to say he doesn’t try to read Sophie’s emotions. Sure, he’s not doing it all the time, every time, but he does it when he feels she’s hiding something.

"I think I explained it pretty well on the paper," Stria said simply, internally cackling at the way he looked genuinely offended.

"Aside from the fact that I have no clue how you're quoting conversations you were not there for and still won't explain what those numbers mean, I don't try to read Sophie's emotions! They're just loud!"

Stria pointed to the last sentence of the section he'd indicated, not about to waste her breath repeating something she'd already said.

"Uh, I feel that she's hiding something the same way I feel all the rest of her feelings: by accident!"

"Sure."

"It's like you're deliberately trying to misunderstand me!" Keefe exclaimed.

"On the contrary. I think I understand you quite well." Stria crossed her arms. "As you can see, I know far more about you than you might anticipate, and suffice to say, I don't like what I know."

"Okay, no. You don't get to just pretend you know me because you've seem some weird written account of all my conversations!" Keefe snapped. "You don't like my personality? Fine! My friends do. Friends being Fitz, Dex, Sophie... yes, they roll their eyes and tease me about it, because we are friends. If they didn't like me, they wouldn't hang out with me!"

"Wow, you really need to believe that, don't you?" Stria remarked.

Keefe grit his teeth. "I don't know how you know these things. I don't know why you're so sure you understand me, when none of these weird quotes are in my perspective."

"Your perspective is worse, trust me."

"My point is, you think you have me all figured out, and you're wrong."

Stria shrugged. "If you're so sure, why should you care?"

"Because you think the worst of everything I do! It isn't fair!"

"I only do that because everyone else thinks the best of everything you do!"

"That isn't even true!" Keefe exclaimed, exasperated. "Look, I'm not about to get into details about my personal relationships to some girl I barely know, but there's a lot more than what you've got written down on this paper. And if you think everyone just loves me and everything I do all the time, you're wrong."

Stria almost retorted, but something about this particular brand of exasperation that he was showing made her stop. There was something oddly vulnerable about it, and she was surprised Keefe wasn't covering it up with atrocious jokes. Or maybe they were past that stage, since he had some idea that she'd a good deal of his life. "Of course your friends love you," she admitted instead. The shock on his face when she admitted it was almost as good as his earlier fury. Not quite. But almost. "That's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying?'

"There's people... it doesn't really matter to you, actually." She didn't need to explain to him about the Pinterest KOTLC fandom. Especially since she wasn't telling him who Shannon Messenger was.

"I think it matters a lot, actually."

"Yeah, well, I'm the one who knows it, and you don't, so it's up to me whether or not it matters to you, actually."

"It's my life, you know," Keefe snapped. "If you know all this random stuff about it that I don't, you should probably tell me."

"Trust me—"

"I don't. You sound like the Fork man when he's trying to convince Sophie she doesn't need to know who her parents are."

Stria blinked.

Really? He was going to make that comparison?

"Want to know who your parents are?" Stria offered, deliberately misinterpreting the quesiton. "Their names are—"

"I'm good, thanks."

And... now he really didn't look like himself. Maybe bringing up his parents was a bad idea. Stria didn't like him very much, but she took that particular sore spot of his very seriously. "Sorry."

"For what?"

Nope. He wasn't getting any more of an apology out of her than that. He was really good at getting people to feel bad for him, wasn't he? "We should probably get going," Stria said curtly. "I'm out of smoothie."

Keefe sighed, standing up. "Okay. Want to do this again sometime?"

Stria blinked slowly.

Then again.

Then again.

Then, "I'm sorry, did you just say you want to do this again?"

"Yep."

Okay, Stria was at a complete loss. "Why?!"

"I don't know. I hate talking to you. I hate the way this stupid essay trivializes things I genuinely struggle with." He absentmindedly traced his hand over one of the passages still on the table, and Stria glanced at it, wondering what he was talking about.

“‘And Fitz isn’t perfect, by the way.’ ‘He’s close enough.’” (238) No??? Nobody is. And here’s a fine example of another forced consolation scene. Keefe lathers it up with the self-pity and feeling sorry for himself, and later on down the road, Shannon realizes that and her solution to that particular problem is hilariously atrocious. I’m writing this quote in blue so that it’s easy to come back to later, because I’m going to talk about it once we get there. But for now: Keefe’s personal pity party is clearly only there to make the audience pity him. All he’s doing right now is acting weirdly whiny and jealous of Fitz for . . . being “perfect”? Which again, jealousy is natural. But Keefe has never in his life tried to achieve perfection, and has in fact always tried to do the exact opposite, so why would he be jealous of Fitz for being perfect all of a sudden? It’s completely out of character for him. Shannon. You can’t just make Keefe jealous of Fitz for the sake of being jealous of Fitz because you want a forced consolation scene. It has to make sense. Keefe would never be jealous of Fitz for this particular reason. Keefe doesn’t try to be perfect at all. Why would he care that Fitz is “perfect”?

"I think I make a good point in that passage."

Keefe laughed mirthlessly, shaking his head. "Like I said, you don't know me half as well as you think you do."

Whatever. They didn't need to keep arguing over this. "Okay then. Let's say I don't know you at all and nothing in this essay matters."

"Which is true," Keefe agreed.

"Why on Earth would you want to do this again?"

"You're just..." Keefe pressed his lips together, studying her for a moment. "You're so... different."

Stria barked out a laugh. "Oh. Oh, you did not just say that. You did not just say I'm not like other girls. I can't do this."

"Why do you have a problem with everything I say?"

"Shannon really made you like this, huh? She did. She literally did. I mean, I'm actually not that surprised, but wow. Wow."

Keefe rolled his eyes. "Oh no, me having my own personality. I can practically feel you burning with hatred."

"I am," Stria agreed.

"So are we on for next weekend?"

And for the same inexplicable reason Keefe wanted to see her again despite his fury, Stria agreed. "Fine. But we're getting milkshakes next time."

—————

I'd love to see people's guesses on who I am.

Yours are fascinating. I see an anon is fully convinced that I am Katie. I will admit, I have read fanfiction by Katie before, and Katie's writing style for KOTLC is similar to Shannon's in a lot of ways, so I've consumed a lot of KOTLC in the style in which I write it.

Perhaps I am Katie. Aren't we all Katie?

Sorry for quoting your essay twice, but it seemed like the best way to get into your head for this. I look forward to your response!

not breaking this down like i did with part one, that would simply take far too long. the people have spoken! they want more never change. anon, you're popular lmfao.

and it seems there are some people that are super invested in this, so i can create a taglist, if anyone wants to be added.

you get notes instead of a breakdown this time:

""I'm still waiting for you to tell me who Shannon is." "Your mind might explode."" it's hilarious that i refuse to tell him who shannon is . . . you should make me tell him in a future chapter. that would be so funny

not the condescending sweetie/sweet smiling/"don't worry your pretty little head over it" . . . lmfaooooo i don't do that on principle but it seems like something keefe would do. so i understand where the sentiment comes from

"Stria was internally cackling." WRONG! i was externally cackling. it was a bit concerning if i'm being honest

""I'm not trying to make this date pleasant."" did i just slip . . . i don't slip . . . not like this . . .

"You help Sophie, not by choice. She thinks it's easier to just tell you what you want to hear than argue with you. There's citations on the sheet!" there is in fact citations on the sheet. many, many citations on the sheet. anon, you're doing a fantastic job of reminding me why i hate canon keefe. also sophie exists in this strieefe fic???? where my rant where i criticize sokeefe exists? how does that work? what does she think of me?

ooooooh, you really should've had me bring up the keefe grabbing people's hands to read their emotions, including sophie herself

""It's like you're deliberately trying to misunderstand me!" Keefe exclaimed." you're making me mad at a version of keefe that isn't even technically canon anon you're working magic here

""Wow, you really need to believe that, don't you?" Stria remarked." truly i do believe keefe's friends like him. i just think that was a poor writing choice on shannon's part

""Your perspective is worse, trust me."" very much agreed. the way he thinks of sophie in his head disturbs me a bit. also fitz. but sadly i haven't gotten there yet. anon, does the physical copy i handed keefe contain the part two excerpt i released?

""Because you think the worst of everything I do! It isn't fair!"" that's not true, not that keefe would know that . . .

""Look, I'm not about to get into details about my personal relationships to some girl I barely know, but there's a lot more than what you've got written down on this paper. And if you think everyone just loves me and everything I do all the time, you're wrong."" sir . . . who initiated this again . . . anon, fantastic job making him as annoying as possible. also did keefe read my disclaimers. i specifically stated that i was only listing the bad things about him. tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk keefe. i expect better next time

"Stria almost retorted, but something about this particular brand of exasperation that he was showing made her stop. There was something oddly vulnerable about it [ . . . ]" yeah i would not care. tear the man to shreds. only time i care is when his abusive parents are brought up. i have some decency, i suppose

""Of course your friends love you [ . . . ]"" wait did i contradict myself. didn't i say that keefe needed to believe that before? was i trying to be purposefully mean? doing character analysis on myself like hmmmmm

"She didn't need to explain to him about the Pinterest KOTLC fandom. Especially since she wasn't telling him who Shannon Messenger was." NOT THE KOTLC PINTEREST FANDOM GOODBYE. ANON I'M WHEEZING. also i should tell him who shannon messenger is. i think it would be so funny

""It's my life, you know," Keefe snapped. "If you know all this random stuff about it that I don't, you should probably tell me."" actually it's sophie's life . . . why didn't i tell him that . . . and it's not his entire life it's just the things i hate with a passion :) hope this helps :)

"You sound like the Fork man when he's trying to convince Sophie she doesn't need to know who her parents are."" honestly? fair. i should tell him who shannon messenger is and watch his head explode. it would be funny

"Stria didn't like him very much, but she took that particular sore spot of his very seriously." well, clearly anon knows me decently well. this isn't helping the katie allegations

keefe: want to do this again sometime? also keefe, when he's forced to justify: ""I don't know. I hate talking to you. I hate the way this stupid essay trivializes things I genuinely struggle with."" like, sir???? that's not helping my confusion here. for what and why

wondering how you chose those two passages in particular right now. was there a reason or did you just decide to pick two at random?

""Okay then. Let's say I don't know you at all and nothing in this essay matters."" and then i walked out. the end. just kidding

NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS I'M SCREAMING

""Why do you have a problem with everything I say?"" i don't, but i appreciate the unreliable narration. there are points (in everblaze, mostly) where keefe is genuinely funny

WAIT I JUST REALIZED. my rant is categorized by book. so keefe would be confused about seeing the titles, too, right? unless this canon has the rant not having the titles or something somehow

""Shannon really made you like this, huh? She did. She literally did. I mean, I'm actually not that surprised, but wow. Wow."" me when shannon writes keefe for real

""Oh no, me having my own personality. I can practically feel you burning with hatred."" not the problem. the problem is that his personality is a cringy dumpster fire :) hope this helps, keefe :)

"And for the same inexplicable reason Keefe wanted to see her again despite his fury, Stria agreed." hello i don't like how this is ending in a very unreliable narration implication way again, anon

MILKSHAKES!!!! WOO HOO!!!!

i'm hesitant to say katie is my top suspect anymore, but clearly whoever wrote this knows my brand of keefe haterism pretty well. but also isa, who's katie's best fandom friend, and at least one, possibly two, other anons think it's her. hmm. hmmmmmmm. i honestly have no idea who you could possibly be at this point, but. i guess we'll see . . . assuming you're planning on spilling the beans at some point

@myfairkatiecat tagging you again so you can either defend or implicate yourself, whichever one

the essay quoting was good :) you should keep doing it :)

[bells-of-black-sunday]

Obligatory, I'm not a historian this is just what I think after reading some student papers, watching video essays by people who have credible sources and peeping those sources, listening to free recorded lectures, etc. etc. Information on q.ueer history isn't really a thing and it is never good to project modern ideals and labels onto people from the past even if they do apply and it's even harder for me to find resources on a lot of m.edieval history that isn't B.ritish centric outside of wars. Yada yada anything else I haven't mentioned, now let's get into the headcannon novel.

Throughout history in Europe gender has been very segregated by what jobs each person is supposed to do, it is a role you play in the society you live in and you are expected to play and has always been way more harsh towards women than it has men. That being said there are so notably possibly trans figures we can pull from history to get an idea of at least what being rich and trans was like. Honestly looking at those figures, even if a woman was "manish" as long as they acted and did their societal role it didn't seem like people cared beyond making them a social outcast or in a very famous case, disgracing them after they've died by referring to them as their assigned gender at birth. Granted due to the unfortunate part of the past where history was written by the rich, you do not get a view into the lives of the average person.

That being said, Tarhos being intersex meant he fell into this weird other category which varied by society. He was neither male or female, but something different. While being classed as this "third sex" he was still raises male as that's what society dictates, you get treated by whatever predominates you. While one might expect in a Christian society that they'd be seen as signs from the devil, a weird monster that should be culled, they had the same rights as anyone else just dictated by whatever gender they looked and acted the most like. Medieval society was more concerned with roles than biological sex and well it'd be hard to call Tarhos anything, but a man. He looks, sounds, and peforms his roles as such.

Though in some law writings by Peter Cantor in 1197, we can assume that the determining of Tarhos's sex wasn't a thing until after puberty when his voice depended and he started growing facial hair regardless of how he was initially raised. Truthfully I write Tarhos as been 13 or 14 when he was pulled from the body pile and thrown into mercenary slavery which meant his sex was already determined by then. He looked and acted like a boy, so that's what his societal role is. Though truth be told, I doubt someone like him got much of a childhood, but that's a whole different discussion. Which, while legally and socially he is a man, it brings us to how others may have treated him. Truthfully we don't really know how intersex individuals were treated when people knew they were, honestly if I had to guess like many individuals throughout history that fit the modern label of transness i.e assigned one gender at birth and performing in society as another while identifying with that label, it probably wasn't really found out until their death.

While I genuinely cannot find any resources on how medieval mercenary slavery existed and I honestly cannot find much on mercenaries in general even though they did exist, because we have written text of them existing from the damage they'd cause when not employed. So fully being honest, this is speculation off of what's mentioned in his lore that implies the Guardia Compaignia had a more permanent place that they lived. I honestly doubt Tarhos got the luxury of privacy, even if he wasn't a slave, people generally shared rooms. There was one room you'd sleep in as a family, so I'm guessing if they did have permanent fixtures it'd either be large tents or large bunk style buildings to sleep in with smaller ones for those important like the captain and those lower in command. That meant Tarhos was often undressing and bathing around other men, this meant his identity was very well known and honestly probably treated as more of a curiosity.

I doubt it effected much how others seen him beyond obviously insults and ways to try to dig under his skin. Maybe even telling the nobles he worked for to try and get him in trouble for something, but I doubt he was treated as a woman. He very much already had this mythical presence to him with people seeing his efficiency in battle and rallying behind his bravery and that's something to be commended. I doubt it was something he even thought about much in his every day life and he cringes every time someone does. Though the fog does permit him the privacy to keep that part of his life a secret, he doesn't really see it as particularly mattering. Why would it? He's not sleeping with them. He's a man, who cares about how he was born. He's a muzzled dog here to do one job, let him do that job in peace.