#because it would ruin the patrern
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I can't wait to live alone so I can do all my weird cleaning rituals free of judgment
#i use sponges to do my dishes#because theyre easily disposable#and yeah i throw out too many#but i get intense anxiety if i think ones getting nasty#i dont have ocd but i do have obsessive tendencies and replacing the sponges is one of my rituals#and my roommate replaced the sponges with a resuable scrubby cloth thing#which is totally more cost effective and better for the environement#but i cant replace it i jusg have to wash it out any time i do dishes#and its getting to the point where i almost cant touch the sink anymore because its stressing me out so much#if i put it in the laundry then my brain accepts it as clean#but we only do laundrh every two weeks#and handwashing it doesnt make the anxiety go away#i asked my roommate if i could bleach it and she got pffended#because it would ruin the patrern#and to be fair this is like a locally sourced hand made really nice thing#but it is causing me so much distress its unreal#and when i asked her where the rest of my sponges were she said we were running out anyway#so we just shouldnt buy any more#and then i was like can i please just buy the sponges and keep using them for my dishes#and she went on this whole rant about how bad it is that i throw out so many sponges#which like#i GET it#and i feel a whole lot of guilt aboht it#but i kind of cant function as a human without have some kind of ritual like this#oh and i cant see my therapist because of covid#which is probably why this is bothering me so much
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